The Womb of Mind: A Sociological Exploration of the Status-Experience of Women in Delhi 0706949498, 9780706949490

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The Womb of Mind A SOCIOLOGICAL EXPLORATION OF THE STATUS-EXPERIENCE OF WOMEN IN DELHI

Renuka Singh

VIKAS PU BLISH IN G HOUSE PVT LTD

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M ^ S C? ! S1

VIKAS PUBUSHING HOUSE PVT LTD 576 Masjid Road, Jangpura, New Delhi 110014

Copyright © Renuka Singh, 1990 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced any form without the prior written permission of the publishers. Phototypeset at Alphabets and printed at Pauls Press, New Delhi

For His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, The Fourteenth Dalai Lama Who emphasized to me the compassionate nature o f women

PREFACE

AND

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

THE origins o f this book date back to the mid 1970s, to my en co u n ter with the Report o f the Com m ittee on the Status o f W om en in India. I was struck by the pyramid o f data erected . At the sam e tim e, the lack o f recog n ition given to the subjective dim ension o f w om en’s status disturbed me. By subjective dim ension, we m ean the exp erien tial realm o r internal reality o f th e mind as reflected in the con sciousn ess o f individual social actors and the m eaning they attach to it. I have regarded this as a ch allen ge and directed the total yield o f the diverse th eoretical influ ences in this em pirical investigation towards ‘looking beh in d the sce n e ’ in w om en’s lives. Pan o f the m aterial used in this book is based on my doctoral thesis subm itted at the Centre fo r the Study o f Social System s, Jawaharlal Nehru University, Delhi. I am grateful to my su pervisor Prof. K. L. Sharm a for his guidance and en co u r­ agem ent to com p lete this project. I would like to thank two professors who have b een invaluable to my work: Prof. Yogendra Singh for his interesting d iscu ssions, and Prof. Sudhir Kakar for his ‘patient e a r’ and his insights into w om en’s psyche. I would also like to exp ress my gratitude to the w om en I interview ed, who stim ulated, challenged and influenced my thinking. T heir principal gift to m e has b een that o f helping me d isco v er the ways w om en in o u r society live their lives. In exploring this m aterial I have relied greatly on the con stan t support and inspiration o f my father S. Pritam Singh, m y m other D iljeet P. Singh and my sisters Jyotsna Paul and Ashm a Singh.

A num ber o f friends also helped m e and provided constructive criticism at different stages o f the manuscript. I would like to .single out for special thanks Kim Horn, K. Ramakrishna, Elisabeth Bum iller, Subrata Sengupta, Kathleen McCurdy, Franzon Davis, H arriet Schultz, Jan et Chawla, Navjyoti Singh and Bhagwan Josh. At the final stages, my friend, Lee Lawrence, proved a creative and insightful ed itor to whom I am indebted. Let me also thank the Alphabets team for reprographic work. N ew D e lh i

January 31, 1990

R e n u k a S in g h

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

Introduction

l

CHAPTER TWO

Women and Society

16

CHAPTER THREE

Women in Indian Society

36

CHAPTER FOUR

Our Perspective and Methodology

54

CHAPTER FIVE

Dilemmas o f Social Class?

68

CHAPTER SIX

Chains of Religious Consciousness?

113

CHAPTER SEVEN

Motherhood and Sexuality: The Modern Matriarchs?

161

CHAPTER EIGHT

Conclusion: Experiential Awareness

Appendix Notes Bibliography Index

204 216 220 226 237

CHAPTER

ONE

INTRODUCTION

.LEARNING about the lives o f w om en rem ains an unending task. What we have learn ed in researchin g this book is the im portance o f trying to understand and learn about w om en through their exp erien tial aw areness rather than m erely through con ceptu ali­ zations w hich convert everything into quantifiable, static data. In observing the lives o f w om en it b eco m es apparent that the qual­ itative dim ension is integral to the ex p erien ce o f th eir position and sp h ere, o f th eir oppression and its transform ation. At the outset, th erefo re, let m e say that the subjectivity o f w om en is a challenge and d irectio n for this and future exp loration , which eventually m ight brin g us to the liberating effect o f understand­ ing. M odern tim es imply som e sort o f historical discontinuity, eith er a release from inherited patterns o r losses and gains o f various types. T he ability o f human beings to ask questions has outstripped th eir ability to answer. Paradoxically, to realize th ere are no final answ ers, w e need to ask questions. But just of­ fering an answ er, any answ er, is not always the solution. To find an appropriate answ er, we must first recognize that nothing can b e studied in isolation o r in a vacuum. The social con text form s a base w herein w om en ’s ex p erien ces are rooted. So, the so cio log ical perspective is particularly significant for our study as it blends the individual ex p erien ce into the social landscape. After birth, ch ild ren are dependent on hum an care to survive. Little by little, they begin to learn and share culture. D ualities and paradoxes pervade th eir lives: instincts and cu ltu re, separateness and social links, individuality and

2

THE WOMB OF MIND

universality. W hether m ale o r fem ale in body, each p ossesses a part o f the other. Sim ilarly, o rd er and chaos run parallel for individuals and society. The procreative contact betw een humans, w hile intim ate and personal, cannot o ccu r independently o f the culture they live in. The ro le o f w om en in this process is both dem anding and distinct as they are the prim ­ ary sou rce o f perm eating care and culture in the family. Today, how ever, w om en have com e into the spotlight, and th ere is an international, national and local co n cern over w om en’s chang­ ing roles and dwindling status both within and outside the fam­ ily structure. Over the last decade or so, one has witnessed much develop­ mental activity to enhance the status o f women. Development agen­ cies have initiated p ro jects for w om en all over the w orld, esp e­ cially in the developing countries. We have had the UN D ecade for W om en, with its series o f co n feren ces, and w om en have com e togeth er in organizations, netw orks and m ovem ents for the environm ent, peace and equality. Academ icians are debating about the status o f w om en and how it relates to division o f labour, oppression, discrim ination, gender distinction, the in­ visibility o r exclu sion o f w om en, th eir m utedness, etc. W om en’s studies, too, have struggled to demand and achieve recognition as a resp ectable academ ic discipline. They place w om en’s ex p erien ce at the cen tre o f inquiry, fill in m issing inform ation about w om en in history, exp lo d e the myth o f apolitical objective know ledge, co rre ct m isconceptions about w om en’s bodies, mental capacities, activities and achievem ents. In India, both individual and institutional studies co n cern ­ ing w om en’s p roblem s, n eed s and status w ere undertaken dur­ ing the w om en ’s decade. To m ention but a few, the Report o f the Com m ittee on the Status o f W om en in India (CSW I) exam ined questions relating to the rights and status o f w om en in the co n ­ text o f changing social and eco n o m ic conditions in the country. This rep ort constru cted a successful statistical image o f w om en in India but the su bjective dim ension o f status rem ained

INTRODUCTION

3

unrecognized as an important aspect o f study. By subjective dim ension, we m ean the experiential realm o r internal reality of the mind as reflected in the consciousness o f individual social actors and the m eaning they attach to it. People in the project, D evelopm ent Alternatives with W om en for a New Era (DAWN), observed that even though w om en have organized them selves for change, ironically the prospects for peace and genuine human and econ om ic develop­ m ent are gloom ier today than they w ere at the start o f the D e­ cad e.1 If, despite econom ic, social, political, legal, educational and consciousness-raising efforts, results are nominal o r incon­ sequential for w om en’s status, then the sine qua non o f under­ standing w om en’s status lies in questioning its nature. Veena Majumdar rightly w onders what p eop le like us have been de­ nied in getting social equality. We have parents who didn’t dis­ crim inate betw een ourselves and our brothers eith er in access to health or education. We all hold jobs that carry a lot o f dignity. But do all o f us feel equal? We do not. The significant point she makes h ere concerns the subjective domain. It was this realiza­ tion as w ell as a m ood o f profound personal and social unrest which acted as a catalyst for writing this book. M oreover, my in­ teraction with a large num ber o f women in D elhi (and a few indepth interviews that a r e . presented in the latter part o f the b o o k ) m ade me cognizant o f the im portance o f the subjective di­ m ension in drawing an apercu o f the status-dynamism of w om en. The total yield o f the diverse theoretical influences in this em pirical investigation2 towards ‘looking behind the scen e’ can thus be located in an ongoing discussion o f gender, society and sociological am bivalence. In a com plex, hierarchical and heterogenous country such as India, the status o f w om en is affected by innum erable factors including class, caste, region, religion, family, education, age, production and reproduction. The socio-cultural com plexion o f Indian society is still predom inantly Brahm anical, although it is eroding progressively. N onetheless, the contribution and impact

4

THE WOMB OF MIND

o f oth er religions and com m unities cannot be underestim ated. The pluralistic nature o f Indian society with its associated com p­ lex o f d ifferences is a w ell known fact. Still, generally speaking, patriarchal hegem ony - in coarse o r subtle form - cuts across all these m ultifarious levels, and w om en belonging to every class and caste rem ain subjugated or oppressed though not n ecessar­ ily. exploited.3 In the contem porary w orld, though it is their opposition to w om en’s oppression that unites fem inists, it is th eir conception o f what constitutes w om en ’s oppression and how it can be com ­ bated that divides them . Liberal fem inists contend that w om en’s oppression flows out o f unjust discrim ination, w hereas tradi­ tional Marxists believe that the exclu sion o f w om en from the productive p rocess perpetuates oppression. Socialist fem inists, how ever, analyse w om en’s oppression in term s o f a revised ver­ sion o f the Marxist theory o f alienation, w hile radical fem inists characterize it by universal m ale control o f w om en’s sexual and procreative capacities.4 T h ere seem s to be a universal applicability o f values co n ­ cerning not actually seeking special privileges for w om en, but dem anding only equal rights, equal opportunities fo r all, and equal consideration w ithout any discrim ination on th e basis o f gender. H ere, how ever, o n e cannot escape posing the problem betw een what ‘is’ and what ‘o u g h t’ to b e N evertheless, the gulf o r distinction betw een th e existential and the norm ative cannot underm ine the relevance o f facts (even if value-laden) in rela­ tion to p e o p le ’s purposes, needs, interests and ideals. Facts re ­ garding the actual condition o f the m ajority o f the w orld’s w om en are stark indeed. W hile wom en do not have the m onopoly on m alnutrition, illiteracy and unem ploym ent, they are by virtue o f their gen d er and social m ores especially disad­ vantaged in regard to basic needs, health, education and the op ­ portunity to beco m e self-sustaining. Closely connected to the above them e are the notions o f ch o ice and equality that con cern feminists. D ifferent types o f

INTRODUCTION

5

equality exist according to Lenski, who views ‘n eed s’ as a criterion o f equality in technologically primitive societies. Industrial societies, on th e other hand, stress such things as the absence o f elitism , the increasing im portance o f achievem ent over ascription and political equality. Furtherm ore, with refer­ en ce to the distributive p rocess in society, the crucial question is ‘who gets what and why’. By equality, it is seldom meant that everybody gets exactly the same amount o f everything distri­ buted. To use A ristotle’s term inology, it is useful to distinguish betw een arithm etical and proportionate equality or absolute and relative equality. W here a w hole society is concerned, the question is that everybody should b e equal, relative to or in proportion to som e sp ecific criterion. For exam ple, Aristotle’s criterion is merit: everybody should be equal in proportion to his m erits. Another salient criterion is need: everybody should get rewards and goods in proportion to his needs. However, there is no universally valid and detailed answer to the question^ o f how equality should b e im plem ented in practice. The p rob­ lem o f equality is a problem o f justification in term s o f specific criteria, and justification will always depend on existing social conditions. Yet, we have to select som e criteria and apply them in moving from arithm etical to proportionate equality.5 Today, the use o f achievem ent as a criterion for equality m eans elim inating elitism and denying ascriptive rights, but it also im plies that many form s o f inequalities can b e justified in term s o f differences in achievem ent. So, when we think o f equal rights to opportunity for wom en, it virtually means the equal right to express and develop differences. Therefore, it is not sur­ prising to find that the notion q f an ideal Indian woman, the norm s and values about the traditional fem ale ro le and the very participation o f wom en in the productive process - i.e., jo b m ar­ ket created by the m odern econom y - are contradictory, am­ biguous and conducive to personal conflict. This ambiguity of statuses, roles and situations is aptly described by Merton as sociological am bivalence - a social state in which a person, in

6

THE WOMB OF MIND

any o f his statuses, faces contradictory norm ative expectations o f attitudes, beliefs and behaviour which specify how any o f the statuses should be defined. This am bivalence, part o f the social structure, can severely affect w om en’s perform ance and their perspective for future roles. T h e different theoretical perspectives (i.e ., the functional, dialectical and psycho-analytical schools o f thought) have en a­ bled us to grasp that one o f the keys to understanding the com ­ p lexities o f the above-m entioned ambivalent situations women face today is to interview wom en and see what a w om an’s status looks and feels like. Thus, it becom es necessary to incorp orate aspects o f w om en’s subjectivity into our m ethodology. Naturally, our study has a bearing on the following questions: • Is th ere a distinction and a relationship betw een inner and outer change for w om en? • Are the external or large-scale status changes an accretion or a result o f sm all-scale changes inside a woman? As the process w hich wom en in urban India are encountering is that o f co n ­ tinuity and discontinuity o f personal and societal values - for exam ple, that o f role changes in the private and pu blic sphere or th e coding and decoding o f cultural myths - how is the ba­ lance betw een structural continuity and structural change m aintained? How are wom en synthesizing tradition and m od­ ernity? • Do the external changes which wom en are dem anding or have achieved result from crises or abrupt events or has it b een a gradual unfolding o f their social consciousness? • Be these changes small or large, continuous or discontinuous, are th eir causes endogenous or exogenou s? • Are th ese causes m aterial o r ideational? T h ere arises then the problem o f the directionality o f the changes w om en are e x ­ periencing. Is th ere any meaningful sequ en ce o r a sense o f history in the developm ent o f w om en’s status today? If so, what kind o f cou rse is it - is it a progressive or a regressive

INTRODUCTION

7

one? • Finally, part o f the answ er to the question o f how the p ro ­ tagonists figuring in our study com e to term s with the p ro b­ lem o f identity, alienation and the above-mentioned existen­ tial situation will be perhaps provided in the text o f the inter­ views included in this book. In H eidegger’s view, man is that creature who questions him self about the m eaning o f his being. In the existentialist Mar­ xist language, man, a h istoric being, w onders at the m eaning o f history, not only in term s o f the direction in w hich it is evolving, but also in term s o f its significance to the very people who make it o r live it. This brings us to w om en’s questions about just what it is that they are making and living.

Concept of Status The concept o f status can conceal as much as it can reveal. Status is a com plex concept and concepts have their own life-span de­ pending on the type o f ex p erien ce they signify. O therw ise, they beco m e alienated concepts separated from reality and are trans­ form ed into the artifact o f a p erso n ’s mind. A con cep t never adequately exp resses the ex p erien ce it refers to. It is, as the Zen Buddhists say,‘the finger that points to the m oon - it is not the m oon .’ The same applies to the concep t o f status sin ce our em ­ pirical investigation tells us that there is no such coherent phenom enon as a status o f women. T h ere are aspects o f ex p eri­ en ces that are not necessarily fully em bod ied in the general co n ­ ception o f status. For instance, the status enhancem ent and d e­ terioration processes o ccu r sim ultaneously since gain for the o n e could mean loss to the other or gain in one aspect could lead to loss in another. This can be seen in the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law syndrom e o r in the case w here a high educa­ tional status may imply a low m aternal status. Also, status-compensation, i.e., how the loss o f status in o n e sp here is com pen­ sated by gain in another sp h ere, indicates the m ulti-dim ension­ ality o f status-dynamism.

8

THE WOMB OF MIND

Most determ inants o f status have in the past been made on the basis o f som e objectiv e criterion such as incom e, education, o r som e institutional group. In this study, we propose to deal with an area o f status, i.e., ‘subjective status’ which may be d e­ fined by the exp erien tial aw areness o f o bjective situations - how o n e relates to the given w orld o r the internal reality o f the mind as reflected in the con sciou sness o f individual social actors and the m eaning they attach to it. H ence, we focus on what w om en feel about th eir position despite what they have o r don’t have in term s o f o bjectiv e indicators such as pow er, wealth o r honour. The w ords ‘status’ and ‘r o le ’ have been used interchange­ ably, becau se ‘status’ defines who a person is, w hereas ‘r o le ’ d e­ fines what such a person is expected to do. According to. Linton, a status is m arked by the fact that expectations for social actors are organized around it.6 A scribed and achieved status are clas­ sified and th eir associated ro les are age, sex, family position, o c ­ cupation .and group m em bership. Person and status b eco m e an independent level o f analysis becau se, first, two persons with different characters will behave in a sim ilar fashion if they have the same status. Second, even though two persons have the sam e character o r sim ilar motives, th eir conduct will vary if they have different statuses. Third, even if two persons with sim ilar charac­ ter structure are found in two different statuses, their conduct will invariably vary, e.g., an authoritarian daughter may not b e an authoritarian m other. Then, everyone has m ore than o n e status. The word ‘status’ is an abstract concept and thus cannot explain behaviour, but can only indicate it. It is thereby reduced to a sta­ tic rather than a dynamic concept. Merton m entions a set o f statuses: a set o f object statuses o f a single subject status is a role-set, and a set o f su bject statuses o f a single person is a status-set; and a set o f subject statuses through tim e is a status-sequence that can b e distinguished from status-characteristics. Status, used as a property o f actors, i.e., as a status ch aracteristic as w ell as a unit o f the social system, b e ­ com es a dynamic concept. Each action im plies a status and each

INTRODUCTION

9

status an action. However, “status ambiguity” becom es a th eoret­ ical problem . If every actor has m ore than o n e status, the ex p ec­ tations o f any two statuses may be either com patible or incom ­ patible in their demands on the self and vis-à-vis one another. Thus, confusion would prevail in selecting which status is ap­ propriate for which interaction. Such ambiguity is a source o f st­ rain and discom fort and generally a person tries to get out of such situations o r change them .7 However, esteem , respect and prestige are other connota­ tions o f status. O pportunities to im prove status are always seized. W hen status is threatened, its loss is resisted, for exam ­ ple, a newly p oor would be m ore aggressive towards the poor. The sociological approach em phasizes what society expects o f an individual occupying a given status and im plies that any status is functionally defined by the role attached to it. W eber defined social status as a claim to positive and negative privilege with re ­ spect to social prestige based on one or m ore o f the following: ( i) m ode o f living; (ii) education and training; and (iii) birth or occupation.8 H ence, viewing the dim ensions o f status o b je c­ tively, M ukherjee concludes: 1. Status conceived as individual resou rces (education, em ploy­ m ent, health and socio-m etric status, property, etc.). 2. Status reflected in the range o f ch oices available as com pared with m en in the sam e society and control over material, social and environm ental resources. 3. Status defined in term s o f rights and privileges. 4. Status reflected in the responsibility o f the position held, both form al and unwritten or expected ones.9 When dealing with status, we also have to keep in mind the related notion of “ro le distance” and “sociological am bivalence.” For Goffman, this co n cep t refers to the gap betw een ro le obligation and role p erform an ce and to the ability o f the actor to blend the concrete dem ands o f im m ediate situations with elem ents derived from a w ider rep erto ire o f internalized attitudes.10 Thus, it is the e x ­ p erien ce and social activity o f women in partially pre-defined

10

THE WOMB OF MIND

situations that gain significance and bring forth the flavour o f their shared subjectivity.

Women in Urban Areas G enerally, in the traditional Indian context, fem ininity has been defined as fulfilling the ‘biological destiny’ o f being good wives and m others. In o u r contem porary urban setting we have to view the constantly changing w orld o f work, family, cultural values and personal aspirations in relation to on e another. This gives us an idea o f the ro les w om en engage in particularly as they co n ­ form to or deviate from cultural norms. It also allows us to acknow ledge the external conditions which eith er rein fo rce the existing pattern o f social arrangem ents or encourage the possi­ bility o f change. Though the city in developing countries p ro ­ vides scope for th e greatest change for w om en at present, the prospects for an Indian society based upon sex equality, som e­ how, seem s problem atic as the idea o f men and wom en sharing em ploym ent opportunities and hom e-m aking responsibilities on an equal basis threatens som e o f the m ost ch erished Indian traditional values. So, the urban con text form s an ideal place to study the changing w orld o f w om en. H ere, th ere is an interplay betw een the forces o f m odernization, w esternization and the old o rd er giving rise to a new world-view. As m entioned earlier, traditional norm s o f sex roles expect w om en’s identity to be defined by ‘fem in ine’ stereotype, i.e., roles and activities o f wife and m other within the family system. In the urban areas, how ever, a w om an’s identity is androgy­ nously defined, i.e., by both fem inine and m asculine ch aracteris­ tics. She is no lon ger restricted to family roles and participates actively in the public domain without being labelled deviant o r destructive to the family and o ther institutions. She can ch o ose among a m ultiplicity o f roles; she can raise a family, have a career, o r do both. The social tendency, however, is to p res­ surize wom en into accepting pre-defined roles. Even if wom en want ultimately to change, their success will depend on a com ­

INTRODUCTION

11

bination o f personal value ch o ices, institutional responses and cultural attitudes. The w orld o f a woman in an urban environm ent is charac­ terized by the problem s of h er daily life: hom e-m aking and fam­ ily care, getting to work, waiting for goods and services, p ro tect­ ing h erself from physical danger and disease, suffering stress in the absen ce o f dom estic help, form ing a social netw ork, and p re­ serving personal space and tim e w hen required. In D elhi, dis­ tance betw een hom e and place o f work, transportation and air pollution are fam iliar sources o f tension. The dynamics o f so cio ­ eco n om ic needs, interpersonal relationships, security on the streets are som e o f the com m on everyday ex p erien ces o f w om en here. Anonymity o f individuals and general unpredictability are a typical sign o f an urban culture. Crises in urban life have created a clim ate inim ical to p e o p le’s health. In re these crises, the follow ing are th eir main causes: • A relatively unhealthy ecological environm ent. • The continual ero sio n o f family control. • Role-jum ping potential o f individuals w hich som etim es creates confusion, norm lessness and gives a sen se o f uprootedness. • Consum erism and utilitarianism . • “Enlargem ent o f Scales.” “This enlargem ent o f scales can be seen in various domains: in magnitudes o f personal travel, in the magnitudes o f trade and o f industrial production; in the m agnitudes o f participation in the routines for political legiti­ m ation, say in electio n s for legislatures, and so forth.”11 It is in this sen se o f the scale that urban settings b eco m e qualitatively different from the rural areas. The above-m entioned ‘crisis’ situations are usually rep lete with acute tensions, som e of which erupt into violent confronta­ tio n s - physical o r verbal. T h ere is con sid erab le latent o r overt h ostility betw een the genders in the form o f dom estic violence (w h eth er v iolen ce shown by m en towards w om en or vice versa) and m ost o f the tim e, wife or husband-beating is seen as a trivial

12

THE WOMB OF MIND

offence by the other. This dom estic situation reprodu ces itself in the context o f a societal culture w here w om en continually have to confront degrading advertism ents, film s and posters that pub­ licly present them as sex objects. The latter can also often invite violence. However, v iolen ce may be a vicarious ex p erien ce, suf­ fered by a relative few, yet the threat is felt by many. These p ro b­ lems are m ore sp ecific to the urban m iddle class and the poor. Such is the case becau se p oor wom en live at the level o f su bsis­ tence, i.e., they have the bare necessities and som etim es not even those for survival in the urban environm ent, and this e x ­ poses them to innum erable potential threats o f violence.

Delhi Delhi, sin ce the end o f the colonial era, has b een expanding to join the ranks o f flourishing, m odern cities. It has a curious his­ tory since it has b een constructed, destroyed and reconstructed many a tim e. Traditionally, D elhi is a quiet place on the banks o f the Yamuna to w hich flock people from all over. B eing India’s capital and cosm opolitan in nature, its politics, adm inistration and culture create a symphony for which its inhabitants have d e­ veloped an ear. The sites, situations and d egree o f foreign influ­ en ce in the case o f Ind ia’s largest cities vary widely. However, there are many sim ilarities am ong urban phenom ena. D elh i’s dem ographic explosion, w hile not d isconcerting to orthodox minds, is nevertheless becom ing a cause o f co n cern for urban planners. A ccording to Census o f India - 1981, the population o f D elhi was 6,196,414 and th ere has apparently been a spectacular in crease in the population during this decade. The sex ratio was 810 fem ales per 1000 males, which show ed a rising trend sin ce 1951. The literacy rate for the Union Territory o f D elhi was 56.61% in 1971. This figure rose to 61.06% in 1981. This increase was shared equally by m ales as w ell as fem ales. The m ale literacy rate during this period rose from 63 71% to 67.96% and fem ale literacy rate from 47.75% to 5 2 .5 6 % .12 D elh i’s most notable feature is its com bination o f small but

INTRODUCTION

13

densely populated areas and large areas relatively sparsely populated. M oreover, the pattern o f distribution o f D elh i’s population is as follows: 78.52 % resides in urban D elhi; 15.63% in rural D elhi; 4.39% in New D elhi M unicipal Com m ittee and 1.45% in D elhi Cantt.13 Although New D elhi has one o f the low­ est population densities, yet it is exp erien cin g an acute housing shortage and exorbitant rents. D elhi has b ee n devouring the sur­ rounding countryside to construct houses w herever expansion is possible. It is also surrounded by slum s, areas o f tem porary settlem ent and resettlem ent colonies. The ‘m ix’ in m odes o f transportation continues to com plicate traffic patterns. In old parts o f the city w here distances are not great, cheap, slow-moving rickshaws are still practical and efficien t w hereas vehicles covering longer distances and/or transporting cargo clog the m ajor streets. Land in D elhi is used for industrial, com m ercial and residential purposes, and the city has a large international com m unity o f diplomats, tourists and travellers. D elhi has also had to accom m odate a large influx as a result o f partition and till today continues to b e overw helm ed by the constant flood o f im­ migrants from rural areas. Scholars have observed that migrants com e to the city with an overlay o f rural traditions and norm s, patterns o f behaviour w hich do not readily die in the urban con text - loyalty and o b ­ ligation patterns, eco n om ic arrangem ents and systems o f co n ­ straints in channels o f com m unication. Thus, the m igrant’s posi­ tion in th e new urban con text involves responses to his old cu l­ ture as w ell as conflicts and tensions with new and quite differ­ ent urban context and roles. However, his or h er m ere physical p resen ce in an urban area does not necessarily mean that he or she will participate in urban life. Som etim es, migrants restrict th eir contacts and may segregate them selves. This is due to the fact that many people around them have com e from different g eograp h ic areas or different cultures. At tim es, people cluster accord in g to regional origin or background causing ‘qu arters’ to em erge. This is obviously true in som e o f the newly developed

14

THE WOMB OF MIND

colon ies o f Delhi. Family is one of the m ost affected institutions in urban areas o f India. In the city, there is a continual erosion o f family control over its individual m em bers. Women in particular tend to find their position, roles, and activities intensively m odified by the urban environm ent. The legal and econ om ic changes in their re ­ lationship with other m em bers o f their family are very p ro­ nounced. Furtherm ore, w om en can becom e econ om ic liabilities in the urban areas. Conjugal relationships are likely to intensify. Hospitality obligations undergo a trem endous change. It is in­ teresting to note that an individual may associate him self with one class socially and be lim ited to another class econom ically, therefore, interacting only in work situations. Religion and edu­ cation in the urban areas have an impact on the urban wom an’s behaviour patterns, even though secularization has made in­ roads on religion. This is true w hether a wom an’s religious prac­ tice is a private or public affair and w hether a woman is undereducated or educated but unem ployable in the city. G enerally speaking, the city appeals because o f its oppor­ tunities, eventfulness, ch o ices and its stimulating, intense atm os­ phere that many women find a desirable background to their lives. W here face to face contacts are important, the city offers unparalleled possibilities. Large num bers o f people, high popu­ lation density, heterogeneity o f population and anonymity all form a part o f w om en’s ex p erien ce in this m etropolis. Hence, the city, besides being a context congenial to sociological am­ bivalences, demands adaptability from wom en and forces them to situate them selves in relation to their social environm ent. In the same breath, they have to find new ways of unravelling co n ­ tradictions and defusing aggressive situations. Coming as it does in a particularly sensitive era, gender inescapability provides wom en with the opportunity to exp erien ce crunchy crises and resolve paradoxes. B efore proceeding to set the orientation o f ou r study in chapters two, three and four, let us reiterate that for our pur­

INTRODUCTION

15

pose, the low er o r higher status is not m erely situationally a vari­ able concept. Experiential aw areness o f the shifting context may lead to change in the subjective perception o f status. Thus, it is consciousness o f the elem ents o f situationality that define the relative value in h eren t in the dynamics o f status. The subsequent chapters - five, six, seven and eight - present and discuss the findings o f our study.

CHAPTER

T WO

W O M E N AND S O C I E T Y

\ ^ O M E N have b een seen as incarnations o f both the highest good and the basest evil. Seldom have they b een perceived sim ­ ply as human beings. Rather, society has evolved myths to exp­ lain and rein fo rce th eir pow ers and w eaknesses. The con tem ­ porary era is generating em otionally explosive ‘w om en’s issu es’ such as questioning gender roles and traditional femininity. This often produces anxieties about w om en’s independence, com ­ petitiveness and aggression. We shall en d eavou r in this chapter to gradually build our case by highlighting socio-developm ental aspects o f sex d ifferences; defining the nexus betw een w om en’s psyche and society; and, finally, by decoding and incorporating certain traditional know ledge about w om en’s subjectivity.

Women and Culture Biologically, p eop le haven’t changed sin ce the days o f hunting and gathering so cieties, but th eir social positions have varied trem endously. Significant differences have existed in exp ecta­ tions regarding w om en’s appropriate patterns o f behaviour, privileges and responsibilities, and the value attached to w om en’s roles. Not only do scholars disagree about what the ro le o f w om en vis-à-vis m en is in the world, but also about the reasons behind the various existing patterns. Som e scholars present a picture o f m en ’s dom ination over wom en as stem m ing from evolutionary adaptations o f early human beings to a way o f life based on hunting and warfare. In this view, the genetically im printed m ale-dom inance continues to shape relations betw een the sexes

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

17

today.1 O thers point to a period w hen m en reacted by subjugating w om en, a condition that rem ains with us today.2 Som e view the forces o f industrialism and o ther form s o f m od­ ernization as im proving the lot o f w om en relative to men, w hile others see in these same forces the further degradation o f w om en.3 However, variety and diversity in the role and status o f w om en indicate the influence o f culture and social structure in m oulding the social ord er and argue against a sim ple biological explanation. Society seem s to transform biological potential into social reality. Fem ininity is associated with a wide range o f econom ic, so ­ cial and political roles in som e cultures, w hereas, in others, it is alm ost synonymous with dom estic functions. The image o f w om en, the differences perceived betw een m en and w om en, the definition o f p ossible and d esirable relationships betw een men and w om en, the degree o f con cern with fem ale sexual purity, and norm s regarding the division o f labour determ ine the na­ ture and scope o f the roles w om en assume. The image o f w om en reflects many dim ensions, including spiritual, sexual, and in tel­ lectual, to nam e a few. The boundaries o f m ale-fem ale relations depend on the perceived d ifferences betw een m en and women and w hether a true grouping o f interests transcending sexual considerations is possible. The em phasis placed on fem ale sex ­ ual virtue relates to the conception o f fem ale sexuality and to the d egree to w hich w om en’s sexual conduct reflects on the honour o f the e n tire social group. The norm s w hich infuse the division o f labour affect the im portance o f gen d er when it com es to as­ signing sex roles. Fu rtherm ore, in society, religion is associated with those rituals w hich mark im portant occasions in the lives o f the indi­ viduals and the group. In religious systems with a tradition o f re ­ nouncing the w orld and a preoccu pation with attaining salva­ tion, the spiritual worth o f w om en has traditionally depended on th eir ability to achieve personal redem ption or transcen­

18

THE WOMB OF MIND

dence. T h ere is yet another elem ent: the nature o f religiou s sym­ bolism , particularly the portrayal o f the ultim ate being in neut­ ral. m asculine o r fem inine imagery. In any case, traditional re ­ ligious considerations even in a secular society often continu e to affect the definition o f fem ininity.4 Im ages o f wom en have ranged from that o f creatu res driven by uncontrollable sexual im pulses to that o f p eop le entirely d e­ void o f sexuality. It was by negating w om en’s physical character and d esires that w om en cam e to b e idealized. By the sam e token, w om en’s sexual needs have gained acknow ledgem ent at the e x ­ pense o f w om en’s social and spiritual capabilities and potential. Thus, fem ininity has b eco m e synonymous with dom esticity, while m asculinity is associated with m obility and activity in the supra-dom estic sphere. The structural and ideational con trols designed to en sure the fidelity o f women inhibit w om en’s o p ­ portunities for education, em ploym ent and participation in so ­ cial and political activities. W om en, at tim es, find their intellectual ability questioned. Many cultures perceive w om en as basically m ore em otional than men, h en ce, intellectually in ferior to them. W om en’s presum ed inability to cop e with decision-m aking has justified extrem e paternalism and protectionism towards wom en in India throughout th eir en tire lives. They first bow to th eir father, then their husband and, finally, their son. What relationships are possible and d esirable betw een women and men depends on which of the th ree m odels o f malefem ale sex d ifferen ces prevails.5 Cultures that em phasize differ­ ences betw een m en and wom en often display social separation and com plem entarity o f roles. Men and w om en go th eir separate ways with n eith er being subordinated to the other. H ere m other and child, not man and wife, share a deeply felt affectionate tie. Cultures that stress male superiority also p reclu d e the em ergen ce o f a shared relationship. It differentiates the fem ale and male sp heres and excludes joint activities and socializing. Here wom en are viewed as subordinates born to attend to the

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

19

needs o f men. When society m inim izes sexual differences, then only can the potential for a reciprocal relationship based on com m unication and sharing em erge. Th e boundaries o f fem ale and m ale roles blur, and this produces empathy. However, it is not guaranteed that the couples will rem ain within the pos­ sib ilities prescribed for relationships betw een m en and women. The opposition betw een the dom estic and public ro le seem s to give rise to asymmetry in the evaluation o f the sexes, according to Rosaldo.6 Yet, the extent to which w om en’s m aternal roles have b een perceived as incom patible with extra-dom estic activ­ ity may vary.

Women in Modern Society Modern society em phasizes achievem ent m ore than ascriptive standards when it com es to evaluating perform ance. Sociologists - Tonnies, Durkheim and W eber - have long since described it so. Furtherm ore, m odern society defines the division o f labour m ore strictly: tasks are not defined in term s o f sex, which is an ascribed status, but in term s o f specialized roles that demand a high d egree o f com p eten ce in a narrow sphere. In m odern so c­ iety, standards that rely m ore on such characteristics as the p er­ so n ’s ability to perform a sp ecific task play a greater part in role assignation than do the definition o f tasks. The industrial revolu­ tions separated family functions from productive functions. Primary responsibility for family functions or expressive tasks fell to women. The principal responsibility for productive func­ tions o r instrum ental tasks fell to m en.7 M odern society is existentially hierarchical and, in fact, egalitarian in ideal. Within the family th ere is a tendency towards equality betw een father and children as well as among the ch il­ dren. Subsequently, the em otional ties among family m em bers are strengthening. N onetheless, the m asculine sex is still viewed as su p erio r and carries inherent merit. W om en in urban society are th erefo re demanding real, not just theoretical, equality. W omen do not want to accept a division o f labour which dep­

20

THE WOMB OF MIND

rives them o f full and com plete participation in professional and civic m atters. The w om en w ho are no lon ger w illing to devote them selves to the care o f household and ch ild ren as though this w ere th eir natural destiny are greatly influencing the rest o f the wom en. Today, the discussion has thus shifted from what w om en can do to what women should do.8 On o n e hand, w om en like everybody else, want to develop their person alities to the full and take active part in adult social and eco n o m ic life according to their individual interests and abilities. On the oth er hand, m ost w om en also want a hom e and a family o f th eir own. It is a fact that, to b e happy, w om en no less than m en need both em otional fulfillm ent in their personal rela­ tions and a sen se o f social purpose. Work is not an end in itself, and the em phasis on careers at the expense o f relationships has greatly dam aged w om en’s cause. Increasing aw areness accom ­ panied by action is a process full of internal conflicts. Tradi­ tional norm s o f conduct are breaking down and have yet to be replaced by new ones. T h ere is u n certain ty about what is ex ­ pected from w omen. T h ere is no longer, in reality, a fem inine role to live up to - only a num ber o f juxtaposed conflicting pat­ terns. Som e studies find that a surprising num ber o f professional wom en doubt th eir essential femininity. Yet w om en who spend their life at hom e playing conventional roles are no b etter off. The question o f right ch o ice perpetually arises. Thus, taking res­ ponsibility, developing o n e ’s individual character and fulfilling o n e ’s personality must go hand in hand. To quote Erikson, “Our identity con sciou sn ess would make us add that personality, too, is decisive and that destiny, for both m en and w om en, depends on what you can make o f the fact that you have a sp ecific kind o f body in a particular historical setting, and making som ething o f that fact certainly includes the right to reb el against what others make o f it.” 9

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

21

Sex Differences According to current research, it seem s that the human em bryo in the initial stages o f life is neither undifferentiated nor m ale: it is “fem ale-oid”. Although gen etic sex is determ ined at fertiliza­ tion, sex genes do not begin to influence developm ent until som e weeks after conception. During these first few w eeks the foetus is m orphologically fem ale. Enough androgen at the appropriate tim e will produce a normal penis in both sexes, while the absence o f androgen will produce a normal clitoris. In other words, only the male em bryo has to go through a differen­ tiation process in genital developm ent. Fem ale developm ent proceed s by itself. No one can, o f course, deny biological sex differences. Chrom osom al, gonadal and horm onal differences are universal. A normal woman has two X chrom osom es, a normal man o n e X and one Y chrom osom e. The internal and external reproductive organs differ in m en and women. The sex horm ones secreted and the timing o f their secretion differ, with wom en exhibiting a cyclical pattern. M oreover, there is a theoretical consensus am ong scholars on sex differences according to Lee and Stewart on the following: 1. There exist functional differences betw een the sexes, i.e., the sexes differ with respect to im portant aspects o f behaviour, world-view, preferen ce, expectations, attitudes, tem peram ent or character although they have many functional sim ilarities. 2. Sex differences interact with developm ental stages in life. Thus, the pattern o f differences betw een the sexes varies from childhood, through ad olescen ce and adulthood, to old age. 3. Functional sex differences are not as steadfast in reality as th eories would have it. They appear to b e rather flexib le and situationally defined in human beings. 4. Nature and nurture produce sex differences. W hile som e sex differences may be culturally determ ined and others entirely hereditary, the main o f functional sex differences is traceable to

22

THE WOMB OF MIND

the com p lex interaction betw een these two factors. 5. T h ere are sex d ifferen ces in status, with the m ale alm ost always receiving a m ore valued status than the fem ale. 6. The functional d ifferen ces betw een the sexes are com plex, m ulti-dim ensional, and often difficult to understand. The follow ing are areas o f non-consensus among scholars: 1. O pinions differ as to the relative con tribu tions o f biology and culture to the interactions which underlie functional sex differ­ ences. Som e authorities assign a larger ro le to biological d eter­ minants such as heredity and horm onal balance, w hile others em phasize the influence o f cultural factors. 2. T h ere is little consensus on the balance betw een sex sim ilarities and differences. Som e scholars make it clear that they conceptu alize sex differences as resting on a broad foundation o f com m on human characteristics, w hile others look at the sexes as being m ore different than alike. Another dim ension lies in the balance: which sex d ifferen ces do exist, which could exist, and w hich should exist. 3. T h ere is little consensus on the relation o f sex differences to sex status. The question is: to what d egree are functional differ­ ences attributable to differential social status.10 Thus, to under­ stand sex d ifferences, it b eco m es im perative to bear in mind the different levels o f analysis; what issues are appropriate to which level and any related questions. At the physiological level, for instance, the question is to what extent is any particular behaviour produced by horm ones, bodily characteristics, biochem ical reactions, etc. And do these biological factors affect the traditional division o f labour? The psychological level pays heed to the im portance o f an individual’s personality in d e ter­ mining behaviour, and the question h ere is w hether or not gender identity is established early in life. At the sociopsychological level, one has to look into how and to what extent interpersonal relations and social situations shape particular personality features. How do features o f o n e ’s social life shape behaviour? Do sex roles develop in ways that ensure the su b o r­

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

23

dination o f women? The sociological level on the other hand, deals with variations in the general social environm ent in which people are rooted and how these variations influence behaviour, psychological and socio-psychological factors? H ere for exam ple, we would have to ask w hether male dom inance is rein ­ forced by the educational system or any other social factors and w hether individuals tend to operate in term s o f male dom i­ nance. Finally, at the societal or m acrolevel, we must ask why so cieties differ in certain ways. To what extent do cultural, technological and institutional differences betw een societies influence social problem s? And how do changes within the system create o r resolve these problem s? For exam ple, it would b e appropriate to find out what role, if any, the ‘reproduction revolution’ has played in elim inating sex-based inequalities and w hether the ‘technological revolution’ in the work place and the household has rem oved the gender bias. Hence, the interplay of different factors both at the m icro and m acro levels integrate sex d ifferences into meaningful configurations. Since we maintain that sexual roles are socially created and are, th erefore, subject to social am endm ent, let us look at Safilios’ findings on the advantages o f roles as perceived by the opposite se x .11

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

A dvantages o f the M ale (as seen byfem ales) Higher pay. Greater educational opportunity. No domestic work. Power and decisionmaking. Less responsibility for children. Independence. Perception of their interaction as serious.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Disadvantages o f the Fem ale (as seen by m ales) Lower pay. Less educational opportunity. Domestic responsibility. Deprivation of positions of authority. Time spent on raising children. Dependence. Perception of their ideas as emotional.

THE WOMB OF MIND

24

8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.

A dvantages o f the M ale (as seen byfem ales) Mobility. Ability to take initiative. Less emphasis on appearance. Opportunity for self-actualization. Freedom from being viewed as sex-objects. Sexual freedom. Strong ego identitythanks to women’s support. Occupational choice. Dominance.

17. Aggressiveness. 18. Less pressure to marry. 19. Free of birth-control responsibilities.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Advantages o f Fem ale Role (as seen by m ales) Less pressure to work. Lack of financial responsibility. Flexibility of work-day. Freedom to express emotions. Freedom from the need to initiate contracts. Lack of pressure vis-à-vis sexual performance. Lack of responsibility for the use of power. Protection assured by men. Lack of pressure due to their

8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

Disadvantages o f the Fem ale (as seen by m ales) Restricted mobility. Restriction on taking initiative. Emphasis on physical appearance. Lack of opportunity for self-actualization. Seen as sex-objects.

13. Sexual restriction. 14. Weak ego identity. 15. Limited occupational choice. 16. Expectation that they will not be dominant. 17. Expectation that they will not be aggressive. 18. Pressure to marry. 19. Responsibility for birth control.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Disadvantages o f M ale Role (as seen byfem ales) Pressure to work. Financial responsibility. Inflexibility of work-day. Emotional suppression. Obligation and risks of initiating contracts. Pressure vis-à-vis sexual performance. Responsibility for the use of power. Responsibility of trying to keep women happy. Pressure to be

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

Advantages o f Fem ale Role (as seen by m ales) position as the dominated one. 10. Paid for outings. 11. Influence on children. 12. Need to prove masculinity.

25

Disadvantages o f M ale R ole (as seen byfem ales) dominant. 10. Responsibility to pay for outings. 11. Little influence on children.

According to Linton, sex becom es fundamentally im portant to social organization. The context o f sex-roles varies from one culture to the other. Sex, for Linton, is the most efficient classificatory device because it is ascertainable at birth and allows individuals to be trained from the beginning to fulfill their social fu n ction s.12 M argaret Mead’s work also stresses the wide crosscultural variation o f sex role content, further dem onstrating the inadequacy o f biological explanations for socio-cultural sexual differentiation. Her explanations tend to be m ore psychological and particularistic than Linton’s m echanical universalistic theory in the sense that Mead em phasizes culture as influencing the m ale and fem ale tem peram ent. Linton, on the oth er hand, em phasizes bio log ical differentiation as the genesis o f social ro le s. Clearly, fem ale m odels at the biological and socio-cultural lev el differ from m ale m odels. The male m odel may sym bolize com p etition, conflict, objectivity, control and hierarchy, w hereas, the fem ale m odel may connote diversity, sharing, subjectivity, reciprocity and harm ony.13 At present, with androgynous ideology gaining currency, o n e cannot postulate m ale activities, values and m odes o f expression as the norm for society as a w hole. The ord erin g principle o f androgynous ideology states that w om en and m en are equal, and their values are derived by them togeth er. Further, the loss o f legitim acy o f traditional male/ fem ale roles, cultural value orientations and institutional stru c­ tu res have b e e n identified as problem areas, w hich new ed uca­ tio n al p rocesses ought to change. O therw ise in the relationship b etw een men and women, if the subordinate accepts the

26

THE WOMB O F MIND

dom inant ideology, th ere is harmony. Conflict depends on the d eg ree to w hich the subordinate does or does not accept the dom inant conceptions. Thus, co n flict naturally ensues as and w hen inequality is questioned.

Women’s Psyche and Society D espite his decades o f research, Freud found w om en to b e p er­ petually enigm atic. His writings about wom en - which are not im m une to cultural bias - have generated much debate and dis­ cussion. Fem ale psychologists and fem inists responded by show ing that cultural custom s, socialization patterns and social expectations, not m erely b io log ical differences, could explain the disparity betw een the person alities, behaviour and attitudes o f w om en and men. N evertheless, Fruedian and post-Freudian p ercep tion s can en rich our understanding about the nexus betw een w om en’s psyche and society. Freudians and post-Freudians differed in th eir observations about wom en. Freud observed that to b e w ell-adjusted, a woman had to sacrifice h er desires. When she failed to do so she was eith er m aladjusted o r retreated into illness. W omen often visibly strived for superiority. He further em phasized that innate factors caused w om en to b e both physically and psychologically in ferior to men. Freud postulated that the anatom ical distinction betw een the sexes entailed psychical con seq u en ces. Accordingly, he d escribed both boys and girls as active, and th erefore m asculine, in early life. In the ‘phallic phase’ sexual differentiation unfolds, leading to the universal “threat o f castration” for the boys and to “penis envy” for the girls. “The psychical con seq u en ces o f envy for the penis, insofar as it does not beco m e absorbed in the réaction-form ation o f the m asculinity com plex, are various and far-reaching. After a woman has beco m e aware o f the w ound to her narcissism , she develops, like a scar, a sense o f inferiority. Even after penis-envy has abandoned its true o b ject, it continu es to exist: by an easy

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

27

displacem ent it persists in the character-trait o f jealousy. Another co n seq u en ce o f penis-envy seem s to be a loosening o f the g irl’s relation with h er m other as a love-object. The way in which this com es about historically is often that soon after the girl has discovered that h er genitals are unsatisfactory she begins to show jealousy o f another child on the ground that her m other is fonder o f her, w hich serves as a reason for her giving up her affectionate relation to her m other.”14 The little g irl’s recognition of the anatom ical difference b et­ w een the sexes forces h er away from m asculinity and leads to the developm ent o f fem ininity, i.e., she gives up her wish for a penis and replaces it with the wish for a child. With that purpose in mind, she takes h er father as a love-object.15 Thus, he claim s that anatomical differences cause the Oedipus com plex to affect sexes differently. In man it com bines with the castration com plex and results in his repressing the Oedipus com plex. This leads to the form ation o f the super ego. T h e woman, on the other hand, does not feel the need to overcom e the Oedipus com plex. T h erefore, she does not develop h er capacity to sublim ate and consequently has weaker social interests. In oth er words, the very organic nature o f wom en exclu des them from participating in cultural and creative activity.16 When discussing the psyche o f w om en, Jung, on the other hand, points to the p rocess o f discovering the unconscious. The unconscious leitm otifs becom e dom inant factors patterning human behaviour. W om en in our present society have a certain one-sidedness o f the conscious, in oth er words, a disturbance o f balance. This triggers a com pensation from the unconscious. For instance, if a woman develops too m asculine an orientation, the unconscious com pensates with a symptomatic accentuation o f certain fem inine tendencies. This p rocess o f com pensation takes place within the personal sphere and continues as long as it is not adversely affected. Som etim es, a m ore profound disturbance occurs, for instance, when a woman loses contact with the mas­

28

THE WOMB OF MIND

cu line partner, owing to h er com pulsion to be always in the right. In such cases the archetypal figure appears on the inner sc en e .17 Earlier, “the m asculine side o f w om en’s nature was allowed to rem ain undeveloped and unconscious. The recen t awakening o f w om en from th eir long apathy has brought to the fore latent pow ers w hich they aim to develop and apply in their own lives and the society. This aw areness has both advantages and disad­ vantages. This has brought conflict in w om an’s mind. To earn o n e ’s living, marry and beget children, and take o n e ’s position in the social group is not enough. Beyond this, a broader under­ standing o f life must help in not feeling suffocated in the ch il­ dishly personal. As adults, a W eltanschauung or w orld-outlook has to b e found, w hich im plies a m ore fundamental adaptation to the world. T h erefo re, for w om en in the m odern tim es, a new relation to the woman principle, i.e., subjectivity, or the dis­ covery o f it b eco m es the need o f our times. Today, the success o r failure o f a w om an’s life cannot b e judged on the exclusive criterion o f m arriage. Her adaptation to life may now be made in various ways, each o f w hich offers som e opportunity for solving the problem s o f w ork, o f social relations, and o f her em otional n eed s.”18 It is generally believed that the fem inine spirit is m ore subjective, m ore co n cern ed with the principle o f spirituality. And so, the conflict betw een the outer and inner is usually m ore devastating for w om en than for men. Adler observes that w om en, feeling them selves at a disad­ vantage in our presen t society, often manifest a m asculine protest or reaction o f jealousy in relation to men. Adler thereby im plies that this is because w om en rem ain the underdog in all spheres o f life.19 According to Stekel, on the other hand, a woman reacts by becom ing predom inantly thinking, intuitive o r em otional.20 In Suttie’s view, o n ce w om en have realized the creative capacities within them selves, they ex p erien ce anxiety at the threat o f being separated from existing relationships. This m ani­

WOMEN AND SOCIETY

29

fests as a fear o f having to live as an isolated individual. T h ere is also the fear o f losing o n e ’s individuality, o f being swallowed up in the w hole. The ex p erien ce o f separation in w om en so m e­ tim es causes neurosis. Suttie does not agree with Freud and m entions the birth envy which m ales ex p erien ce in fact.21 According to From m , the psychic m echanism s by which man tries to relate him self to society and solve problem s are moral m asochism , sadism, destructiveness and autom ation conform ity. T hese fou r m echanism s can be equated with H orney’s neurotic need for love, neurotic striving for pow er, i.e., the wish to make others dependent upon oneself; sadom asochism ; and neurotic subm issiveness. Conform ity allows one to wipe out the differ­ en ces w hich exist betw een o n eself and o th ers and thus to escape a sense o f helplessness. Thus, a p seu do-self (i.e., pretentious nature) is substituted for the real se lf (i.e ., authentic nature), and o n e is condem ned to live with an unrealized self. W om en today feel a conflict betw een the dictates o f their body and the dictates o f their culture when it com es to childbirth and childcare. Both have b een primary factors in defining w om en’s identity sin ce society began. Now that for the first tim e w om en have the option o f w hether or not to bear ch il­ dren, th e question is what is best for a particular woman. W om en who bear children are interested in giving birth rather than in m erely being delivered. The exclusive care o f a child by its m other has not actually been the pattern in most cultures until recently. The social pressure to bear children as a sign of ‘norm alcy’ still exists, and the guilt faced by many w om en who ch o ose to work w hile their children are still young is testim ony to the strength o f these traditional attitudes. Abortion, w hile legalized, rem ains a controversial issue be it for religious, psychological o r political reasons. Abortion is opposed as a vio­ lation o f religious law or order, a threat to traditional male control over procreation and even to m en ’s notion o f their vir­ ility. Childbirth for a woman, in any society, is marked as a

30

THE WOMB OF MIND

p eriod o f regression and a turning point in h er life. D eutsch sees birth as a creative act in w hich one becom es open to th e u ncon­ sciou s and whatever may lie unresolved in it. All the m ajor phases o f fem ale sexuality - puberty, pregnancy and birth, and m enopause - involve an opening up o f the se lf to regressive or unconscious states. “R egressive” refers simply to the fact that the unconscious mind is largely form ed in infancy and early ch ild ­ hood. “Crises in developm ent involve an in corp oration and reorganization o f the unconscious into a new m ode o f conscious being. Past identifications with parents and other important figures play a crucial ro le in determ ining o n e ’s co n cep t o f how o n e behaves as a woman o r a man and how these should in ter­ relate. Pregnancy stirs up th ese old identifications, particularly for the woman in her relationship with h er m other. O n the verge o f becom ing a m other h erself, she regards her own m o th er’s life-style as particularly im portant. She may ex p erien ce conflict in choosing a solution different from her m other’s. Sh e might be disturbed at what might seem to be outdoing her in status or achievem ent. It is at such a juncture that the identity o f a woman is qu estioned o r co n firm ed .”23 Furtherm ore, an in heren t conflict betw een m aternalism and eroticism is supposedly never so in tense as in the crisis o f new m otherhood. Evidently, w om en at various stages o f their lives requ ire em otional security in addition to pursuing non-traditional and com petitive kinds o f goals, which they achieve through a set o f significant relationships. It is this sen se o f self, developing dialectically, that builds the nexus betw een their psyche and so c­ iety.

The Mysterious Domain of Femininity Throughout history, man has m anufactured myths to explain and co n tro l the phenom enon called ‘w om an’. Contradictory images about w om en have been most pervasive in various cultures. She is virtuous, on the one hand, a faithful and subm issive wife, loving and benevolent m other, but also a charm ing-tem ptress

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who lures man away from the m oral path and causes his destruc­ tion. The inability o f a particular man and a woman to co m ­ m unicate leads som ehow to the m ystification o f the fem inine essen ce as expressed in the thoughts, feelings and behaviour o f women. The perennial mystery o f fem ininity, m aintains Sim one de Beauvoir, makes man dism iss the in exp licable moods, behaviour and feelings o f women. However, many believe that a wom an’s eco n om ic and social dependency causes h er to conceal h er real thoughts and feelings under an enigm atic exterior. Sin ce a woman is m ost likely to be m isunderstood, man cannot b e expected to relate authentically to her. In the final part o f this chapter, we have attem pted to enter the m ysterious domain o f fem ininity by decod ing and incor­ porating traditional know ledge about w om en’s subjectivity. Esther Harding is convinced that the real m eaning o f fem ininity always evades d irect interrogation, w hich partially explains why wom en are so m ysterious to the very m en who persist in trying to understand w om en.24 T h ere is no b etter way to exam ine the analogy o f the “m o on ” for w om en’s subjective w orld and to understand the m oon-cycle o f w om en than by reading Harding’s own words: “Moon sym bolizes the spiritual life o f woman. It becom es the fertilizing spirit, which gets withdrawn. Woman has b een associated with ‘lesser light’ because she is felt to rule the night and the shadowy p ercep tion s of the inner instinctive world. ‘G reater light’, i.e., the man, rules the day o f reason and intellect. The m oon ’s light is indispensible for growth and is believed to be a giver o f fertility. T h erefore, planting, cultivating and har­ vesting w ere assigned to woman because she could make things grow as they w ere under the direct guardianship o f m oon. The tendency to swell up and the monthly cycle are part o f the sam e nature o f w om en and m oon. The grow ing phase o f the m oon, its waxing, is rep resen ted as the generative aspect o f this period and its strength is short-lived. The waning and disappearing o f

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m oon was rep resen ted as the operation o f a dark and destructive pow er, sym bolizing death. However, under the patriarchal system, the m oon sym bolizing religious and spiritual values gave way to sun and cam e under m asculine control. In nature, the fem inine principle shows itself as a blind force, fecund and cru el, creating, cherishin g and destroying. It is the fem ale o f the sp ecies w hich is m ore deadly than the male, fierce in its loves as in its hate. This is the fem inine principle in its dem onic form. The alm ost universal fear that men have o f falling under the pow er o f fascination o f a woman is evidence that the effects a woman produces on a man is not infrequently dem onic in character. The deprecatory attitude w hich many a man takes towards w om en is an unconscious attempt to control a situation, a situation in which he feels him self at a disadvantage. O r he seeks to undercut the dreaded pow er o f the woman by inducing her to act towards him as a m other, for in his relation to his m other, he red uces the fear, and a man ex p erien ces the positive aspect o f w om an’s love. Again, he has an apprehension o f making him self a child, and is thus in danger o f falling into his own w eakness, w hich would, in turn, make the woman all-pow­ erful in the situation. The anima in a man or the fem inim e nature-spirit reflects the characteristics o f the dem onic m oon goddess and drives hom e to man a d irect ex p erien ce o f the non-hum an. Eros in all its pow er is both glorious and terrible. This p rinciple, how ever, within him self is not m ediated through a cultured and developed human personality. It acts directly from the u ncon­ scious. With the woman, the situation is som ewhat different. She usually does not ex p erien ce the fem inine p rin cip le directly in this dem onic form . It is m ediated to her through her own w om anhood and her own developed feeling-approach to life. Thus, that w hich to a man is spiritual, good, to be sought after, is to a woman dem onic, powerful and destructive, and vice versa so that th eir essential nature and values are diam etrically

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33

opposed. Yet, becau se th eir nature is com plim entary, m en and w om en have an inescapable need for each other and are com ­ pelled to attempt to create a mutual relationship.”25

Moon Cycle of Women The law givers o f ancient tim es, Zoroaster, Manu and Moses, each incorporated p roh ibition s relating to m enstruation into their system. In the laws o f Manu, it is stated: “The wisdom, the energy, the strength, the might, and the vitality o f a man who approaches a woman covered with m enstrual excretion s utterly perishes. If he avoids h er w hile she is in that condition, his wisdom, energy, strength, sight and vitality will all in crease.”26 The ancient Hindus con sid ered m enstruation to b e evidence that woman was particularly under the influence o f the m oon. “To understand the inner m eaning o f the m oon-cycle, one has to see its order. M oon rules the night. Som etim es, it is true, a woman shines, as at full m oon, but at other seasons h er light is withdrawn and the night is left com pletely dark. Fu rtherm ore, in h er tim e o f rising she seem s to be dependent only on her own whims. The darkness falls at the setting o f the sun. Surely the m oon should then give light throughout dark hours, but she is not to be relied on w hen the sun sets. On other nights she does not rise until the hours o f darkness are alm ost past. At certain tim es, her pale face may b e visible hanging in the sky at mid-day, her p resen ce seem ing alm ost a protest at the obvious and blatant light o f the sun. Man has seen in these unaccountable qualities o f the m oon a symbol o f those aspects in w om an’s nature which he views as erratic, changeable, fickle and unreliable. Just as in the case of m oon, an o rd er u nderlies h er apparent fickleness. If a woman changes h er mind, he may co n ced e that it is her privilege to do so; it never occurs to him that she changes her mind because conditions within her own psyche are as little under her control as, perhaps, changes in the weather. For a man, the external cir­ cum stances do not alter reality, but, for a woman, external c ir­

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THE WOMB OF MIND

cum stances must naturally be taken into account. M oreover, becau se o f h er m oon prin cip le she must also constantly reco n ­ sid er her inner circum stances. The nature o f woman is n onp er­ sonal and has nothing to do with her own w ishes, it is som ething in herent in her. Thus, the subjective p erception o f life is p ro ­ jected to the external w orld, and she feels as though the changes in cycle w ere a quality o f life itself. Further, for wom an, life itself is cyclic through m enstruation. In the cou rse o f one com p lete Cycle, w hich corresp on d s to the m oon’s revolution, a w om an’s energy waxes, shines full and wanes again. T hese energy changes affect her not only in her physical and sexual life but in- her psychic life as well. She depends on h er inner rhythm. The sexual cycle has an uncanny pow er over man, arousing at on ce his instinct and th e dread o f its power. The latter gets p ro jected onto the woman w hose co n ­ dition made him aware o f his helplessness vis-à-vis his instinctive desire. The co n n ection betw een m enstruation and child-bearing adds a supernatural dread, for the birth o f children is a perpetual marvel to men. In prim itive tim es, w om en went into p erio d ic seclusion at m enstruation, which must inevitably have had a profound effect on th eir relation to the world. A w om an’s segregation was an attempt to co p e with the dem onic effect that h er condition had upon m en .”27 Interesingly enough, even in these m odern tim es, som e Indian w om en still seclu d e them selves during m enstruation, o th ers keep away from religious places, avoid perform ing religious rituals, and abstain from touching o r cookin g food lest they should spoil or contam inate it. (T he penultim ate chapter details how our subjects ex p erien ce m enstruation.) Harding’s contribution lies in its potential ro le in the developm ent o f consciou sn ess and g reater regard for the fem inine principle, particularly now, when w om en are undergoing the trem endous stress in herent in m ultiplicity o f ch oice. W omen, as we have seen , are caught in an often debilitating dou ble bind. They have to be assertive and com petitive to be successful in the w orld, but

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must also be soft, receptive and gen tle to be acceptable in personal relations, particularly with men. N evertheless, this does not prevent w om en from relating on a m ore conscious level with their animus. W riters like A ndrienne Rich, Susan Griffin and Nancy Chodorow show gender differen ces as a sou rce o f strength for w om en rather than the cause o f oppression and treat w om anhood as som ething to be celeb rated rather than changed. W hereas w riters such as Kate M illet, Shulam ith Firestone and Ju liet M itchell view the oppression o f w om en as the result o f socially constructed gen d er differences and speak o f the need for the creation o f a m ore androgynous society. To conclude, for us a woman is a social construct, i.e., gen d er is an acquired identity, w hereas biological sex refers to the gen etic and sexual identity o f the person. So w hile clearly not agreeing that biology dictates w om en’s personality, behaviour and position in society, this does not mean that we should not pay attention to such th eo ries for they also reveal how social attitudes can creep into research.

CHAPTER

THREE

W O M E N IN I N D I A N S O C I E T Y

C iU S IS points in lives o f w om en com pel them to view tradition skepticly and to transform it. Transitional reality and m ediation o f discrepant w orlds b eco m e a significant norm for reco n ­ structing tradition. The sum and substance o f crisis is a tim e o f change, anxiety and possibility. Som ething new happens. U nder­ standing social change in a transitional society such as India necessitates focusing on the m icro-level o f exp erien ce. How w om en live this social change at an individual level, how they sum m on resou rces from the past and discover new strengths and w eaknesses, all this reveals the dialectics o f traditional and m odern forces. Childhood, ad olescen ce, m arriage and m otherhood (som etim es divorce and w idow hood) mark status changes w hich generally take place in a w om an’s life. At any o f these junctures, cultural legitim ations can be sufficiently weak so as to prevent a sm ooth passage from on e stage to the other, especially when wom en are en tering new occupations and p ro ­ fessions. As a result, we find that vulnerability, their am bivalent nature and their hidden inner reality are often painful and dem and recognition. T hese conditions also fo rce w om en to deal with the im plications o f their changed situations. T he prevalent cultural im ages o f Indian w om en com m uni­ cated through literature, mass m edia and religious sources shape the social perception o f women. The notion that humanity has two natures - a negative as w ell as a positive form - reflects the myths about fem ale pow er. The fear and dem onization o f w om en on the one hand, and the exaltation and praise o f fem inine qualities o f nurturing life on the other, presuppose a

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37

myth o f the fem ale’s m ysterious life-pow er. The virtuous woman is perceived as “a faithful, loyal and subm issive wife; a dedicated, loving m other; a com petent, diligent housew ife, and an unqu es­ tioning supporter o f the m oral and religious values o f society.”1 In som e historical periods, society has elevated the virtuous woman to the level o f a goddess. Sita, the h eroin e o f the Ram ayana epic, appears as the prototype o f the m odel w ife who constitutes ‘ideal types’ in the W eberian sense and is also an incarnation o f the Goddess Mahalakshami. An excursion into the psychic ‘in terio r’ o f som e o f th e god­ d esses w orshipped can shed light on their ben evolen t and m alevolent aspects. T hese goddesses sym bolize and celeb rate the co n cep t o f Shakti o r the pow er o f women. The Dravidian South India som ehow recognizes and fears this fem ale pow er m o re than the Indo-Aryan North India, according to Susan Wadley’s study o f Tamil W om en.2 G oddess Maheshwari, for instance, goes beyond the thinking mind and the will and sublim ates them into wisdom. For ever tranquil, she em bod ies all wisdom and can th erefore not b e moved. Nothing that she ch o o ses to know rem ains hidden from her. She com prehends the nature o f all things and all beings; she knows what moves them just as she knows the law o f the w orld and its tim es - past, present and future. None can prevail against her strength and intangible wisdom. Calm, patient and unalterable in h er will, she deals with men according to their force and intrinsic truth. To the w ise she imparts lum inous wisdom; those who have vision she admits to her coun sel; on the hostile she im poses the co n seq u en ce of their hostility; and the ignorant she leads according to their blindness. She is detached and h er com passion is inexhaustible. Even her rejection s are only a postponem ent and h er punish­ ments are a grace. Truth, eventually is her co n cern and know ­ ledge her cen tre o f power. In Hindu mythology, Mahakali sym bolizes infinite diversity o f exp erien ce. She is endow ed with height, force and strength.

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THE WOMB OF MIND

She em bodies the drama, tragedy, hum our and sorrow o f life. She shatters every lim it and obstacle with the overw helm ing intensity, the mighty passion to achieve and the divine v iolence that rushes w ithin her. She cannot to lerate indifference and neg­ ligence. At once, with sharp pain, she sm ites awake the untim ely slum berer. Mahakali’s m otion is marked by swift and straight im pulses and frank and unreserved m ovem ents. She accom plishes in a day what ordinarily might take years. She always has som ething to offer be it good o r bad. Mahalakshami, on the oth er hand, sym bolizes etern al beauty, an u nseizable secret o f divine harm onies and an attraction that join beings and forces, fusing them together. M ahalakshami’s nature makes all turn with joy and longing toward h er for she casts a spell o f intoxicating sw eetness. G race, charm and tend erness flow out from h er like light from the sun, and, w herever she fixes h er w onderful gaze or lets fall the lovel­ iness of h er sm ile, the soul is made captive and is drawn into the depths o f unfathom able bliss. By contrast Mahasaraswati responds like a m other to our wants, like a friend to our difficulties. She is a persistent and calm coun sellor. Firm and quiet, she perseveres in the deep urge that drives human beings towards integrating th eir higher nature. W ithout h er support no w ork can be com pleted for she assures the m aterial foundation, elaborates the detail and erects the structures. In short, Maheswari conceives the forces o f the w orld, Mahakali drives th eir energy and im petus, Mahalakshami dis­ covers th eir rhythms and m easures, w hile Mahasaraswati presides over details o f organization and execu tion , exactitude o f result and fulfillment. The con cep t o f the fem ale in Hindu mythology presents an essential duality. On the one hand, she is fertile, benevolent and bestow ing. On the o ther hand, she is aggressive, m alevolent and destructive. W omen can th erefo re be dangerous because they are powerful. Traditionally, religious p rescrip tions w hich keep

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them under the con trol o f m en served to check this danger and power. Yet it is woman as m other who in fact controls, and it is worship o f the all powerful goddess which liberates the seeker. D escending from the divine to the human realm , we see that puberty rites, m enstrual taboos and restrictions on wom en, especially widows, appear as a m eans o f controlling and restricting the Shakti, pow er o f w om en, w hich might otherw ise go unchecked. Society traditionally sees w om en’s pow er as som ething to fear and th erefo re contain. Although myths about the pow er o f wom en o ccu r in myriad form s, certain them es seem to recu r universally and carry over into the m odern day. The virtuous woman and th e seductress continue to have re le ­ vance to cu rrent ideas about women.' Sim one de Beauvoir, for instance, observes: “Woman is at o n ce Eve and Virgin Mary. She is an idol, a servant, the so u rce o f life, a pow er o f darkness, she is the elem ental silen ce o f truth, she is artifice, gossip and false­ hood; she is healing p resen ce and so rceress; she is m an’s prey, his downfall, she is everything that he is not and that he longs for, his negation and his raison d'être.'* Cultural myths sur­ rounding the nature o f fem ininity and fem inine ideals in India cannot b e confused with behaviour. N evertheless, they may at tim es influ ence it and serve as prescriptions for fem inine activity and behaviour. Current literatu re does not exp lo re the effect these ideals have on the daily lives o f w om en in various classes and castes.4 Though we touch upon this briefly in a latter chapter, m ore in-depth study is needed o f this phenom enon.

Women’s Position : Then and Now A historical sketch o f the position o f Indian wom en becom es indispensable if we are to establish the context o f their present situation. So, peeping into different historical periods, even though quickly, shows that the historical perception is not free from ideological biases.

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THE WOMB OF MIND

2500 B.C. to 500 B.C. Many scholars have reflected on the status o f women in India and have detected a pattern right from ancient tim es.5 During Vedic times, i.e., betw een 2500 and 1500 B.C., the Aryans who came to the Indus Valley w ere a herding and warring nomadic people. Women then enjoyed com plete equality with men in the realm o f religion. They held a respectable position in the family and society. According to AS. Altekar, “in the higher sections of society the sacred initiation (Upanayana) o f girls was common, and they used to go through a regular course o f education. Som e attained distinc­ tion in the realm o f theology and philosophy and a considerable num ber o f women used to follow the teaching career.”6 In the family, the w om an’s ro le o f daughter, wife and m other was also respected. She enjoyed freedom o f m ovem ent and had a say in the ch oice o f h er m arriage partner. D ivorce was perm itted. Widows w ere allow ed to rem arry, though it had to b e within the family. Betw een 1500 and 500 B.C., i.e., during the late Vedic tim es, the Aryans began to settle in the G angetic Plains. An early agricultural society developed as did the notion o f private property. W omen seem to have still enjoyed a high position in the family and society, but, according to som e sch o ­ lars, the practice o f sending a woman to study with great teach ers or to cen tres o f learning cam e to be discouraged. It was p referred that wom en receive their training at hom e from th eir fathers and near relatives. H ence every woman was not privy to high religious training and, as a result, th ere developed a ten ­ dency to curtail the average w om an’s religious rights and privileges. Male substitutes cam e to perform many religious functions and sacrifices. However, when the husband was away at war o r the likes, the woman continued to perform som e rites and religious functions. Altekar goes on to say that the general freedom and b etter status enjoyed by w om en in th e Vedic p eriod was largely due to men being engaged in co n q u est and co n so li­ dation. W omen used to take active part in agriculture and in the

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41

manufacture o f cloth as w ell as bows and arrow s and oth er war m aterials. They w ere useful m em bers o f society and could not be treated with patronage and contem pt.

500 B.C. to 700 A.D. The position o f w om en changed considerably from 500 B.C. to 700 A.D. T h e Aryans had by then settled dow n..The Mauryan and Gupta em p ires rose and fell. Society becam e increasingly stratified. The Aryans and the indigenous inhabitants inter-m ar­ ried. Though these non-Aryan wom en w ere accep ted in every way as wives, they did not know the Sanskrit language nor the Vedic religion and could th erefore not partake in religiou s c e re ­ m onies. Thus, society called on w om en from the higher sections who found them selves rem oved from th eir previous outdoor work. They also found th eir freedom to move curbed. The p rocreation o f a son becam e a religious necessity as he alone could perform certain ritual functions. Buddhism , in the m ean­ w hile, had kept up the tradition o f assigning w om en a place o f honour. W om en, for exam ple, had the right to en ter the Bhikshuni Sangha. Later, how ever, even Buddhism cam e to consider wom en as unworthy o f freedom and undeserving o f indepen­ dence. They w ere to be kept under the authority o f a m ale at all stages o f th eir life.

700 A.D. to 1800 A.D From 700 A.D. to 1800 A.D. w om en’s status further deteriorated. The Hindu religion had b eco m e a very com plex affair. W omen, who by this tim e had little if any education and few rights and privileges, blindly follow ed the dictums and rules laid down by the exponents o f Puranic literature. This was also the period o f Mohammed G h o ri's invasions and the establishm ent o f a Muslim reign to be follow ed by the advent o f British rule in India. Though purdah was not introduced till the 12th century, women w ere secluded m uch ea rlier due to the constant absen ce o f m enfolk called away to fight off invaders. The protection o f

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THE WOMB OF MIND

fem ales becam e an increasing worry and p roblem , which caused constant political strife. This resulted in the practice o f fem ale infanticide, child m arriage and sati. Sati becam e a custom w hen religion banned the rem arriage o f widows. Firstly, it en sured a widow’s chastity; secondly, claim ants o th er than the widow ben efited from the assets o f the deceased. The custom was w ide­ spread in Bengal, Rajasthan and som e north ern areas. Lord W illiam Bentick made sati illegal in 1829, w hen Raja Ram Mohan Roy valiantly crusaded against the evil custom. In the w estern areas o f Gujarat and Kutch and in the northern areas o f Rajasthan, UP and Punjab, religion favoured child m arriage, and foreign invasions rendered the p rotection o f m aidens an arduous task. Fem ale infanticide provided an easy escape from such strictures.

The Colonial Period From 1800 to 1947 India ex p erien ced colonialism , The B ritish rule in the 18th century brought a d egree o f political o rd e rli­ ness. The existing social structure was m odified through leg is­ lative m easures. Legislation was enacted to perm it inter-caste m arriages and widow re-m arriage. D ivorce was perm itted under certain conditions. Facilities w ere provided for the education o f wom en. The thinkers and leaders o f society advocated educating w om en and restoring th eir legal and social rights. S o cio ­ eco n om ic m ovem ents like the Brahm o Samaj and Arya Samaj further supported these concepts. The influ en ce o f a liberal English education also helped spread and strengthen th ese ideals. Unlike in the West, the m ovem ent for social reform and w om en’s advancem ent in India was initiated and led by en lightened m ale leaders. At the end o f the 19th century, the reform m ovem ent, to a certain extent, m erged with a national resu rgen ce inspired by M.K. G andhi, Balgangadhar Tilak and G.K. G okhale and w hich had the political em ancipation o f the country as its goal. Th e founding o f the National Congress in 1885 provided the

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43

springboard for political and national activity for Indian wom en. Legislative reform s w ere brought about in independent India; these translated into legislative reform s: The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955; the Hindu Succession Act, 1956; Hindu Adoption and M aintenance Act, 1956; and th e Hindu Minority and G uar­ dianship Act, 1956. Besides these four m ajor legislative m ea­ sures, a num ber o f oth er laws have been passed to eradicate undesirable social practices and to protect the interests of w om en w orkers. The most prom inent among these are the Pro­ h ibition o f Dowry Act, the Suppression o f Prostitution and Im m oral Traffic Act, and the Factories Act, all o f which w ere passed in 1958.

Summary of Historical Trends Rig Vedic P eriod 2500-1500 B. C. The Aryans Come to India. They are The position of women in this herding and warring period is favourable. Education nomadic people. is accessible.

Late Vedic P eriod 1500-500 B.C. The Aryans begin to settle in the Women are restrained from outdoor Gangetic plains. An early agricultural work. Education of women declines, society develops. Private property becomes important.

500B.C. to 700 AD. The Aryans settle down. Mauryans and Gupta empires rise and fall.

Women are withdrawn from outdoor agricultural work. Their freedom of movement is limited. Restrictions on religious participation.

M iddle Ages 700-1800AD. Muslim invasion later followed by Muslim reign.

The position of women deteriorates further. Child marraige, sati and pu rdah gain footing.

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THE WOMB OF MIND

C olonial P eriod 1800-1947 The British increase their hold on the country. Influence of capitalism.

Social reform improves the position of women

Independent India 1947 Political independence but not economic.

Equality exists before the law, but does not exist in reality.

We would like, how ever, to point out that a nationalistic o r com m unal idealization o f the historical past which depicts w om en as uniform ally having a higher o r a low er status is simply a fallacy. What is true today in term s o f w om en holding a variety o f positions is equally true abou t the different periods in Indian history. For instance, we cannot say that education and religiou s activity today lead to the absolute d ecline o r the absolute enhancem ent o f w om en’s status. Sim ilarly, status relativity and the dynamic interplay o f various m icro and m acro factors d eterm ine the different positions w om en have held throughout history.

Gender Concerns in Sociological Literature Com plexity breath es through the heterogenou s nature o f Indian society with its pattern o f so cio -eco n o m ic inequalies. Several factors have affected the nature o f these inequalities: the existing social structure based on caste, com m unity and class; the political, eco n om ic and socio-cultural changes occurring at p re ­ sent; the dem ographic exp losion ; changes in life-styles. Any change, be it m icro o r m acro, past or present, always has a positive as w ell as a negative impact. The diverse fo rces operating in our society are inevitably giving rise to am biguities and contradictions. In fact, the processes o f developm ent, urbanization and m odernization play a role both in creating and resolving im balances. According to widely accepted criteria on status assessm ent, th ere has b een a d eterioration o f the relative status o f w om en in

WOMEN IN INDIAN SOCIETY

45

post-independent India. Indian w om en, though not a m inority num erically, are acquiring the features o f a m inority in term s o f enjoying low er class, status and political pow er.7 In spite o f the constitutional provisions for w om en in India, the drop in their num bers vis-à-vis m en in their life expectancy, literacy rate,' internal m igration rates and econ om ic participation denote instead a trem endous insecurity and helplessness. G irls’ en ro llm en t in schools is much low er than that o f boys. Though w om en theoretically have access to all avenues o f learning and public appointm ents in India, in actual practice only a sm all p er­ centage is eith er highly qualified or holds a top position in a public o r private organization. M em bers o f a g irl’s family, both m en and w om en, socialize h er in such a way as to ensure her subjugation into a docile, subm issive and subordinate being. Am niocentises in the urban areas with the so le purpose o f d eter­ m ining sex, fem ale infanticide am ong p oor agricultural labour fam ilies, w idespread harrassm ent o f brides, and an increasing num ber o f dowry deaths am ong the middle and upper classes speak all too clearly o f w om en’s predicam ent. Many scholars have lately b een reflecting on the position o f w om en in India.8 Som e o f the salient propositions are as fo l­ lows: • Though aw areness about the role and status o f wom en has increased, w om en’s issues are still confined to the elite se c­ tions o f society (S.C. D ube).9 • M.N. Srinivas finds career w om en to b e quite visible at least among the elite, and generally people seem to have accepted their new ro le s.10 • Veena Majumdar points to fluctuations in the evolution o f the status o f Indian women. She sees the developm ent since Inde­ pendence as one o f rapid but steady progress in education, legal reform , entry into professions, the creative arts and cu l­ tural activities, em ploym ent in the organized sector and the gradual disappearance o f purdah. The d ecline in sex ratio, the continual gap betw een men and w om en’s life expectancy due

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THE WOMB OF MIND

to higher m ortality rate, and the n eglect o f fem ale children as indicated by th eir higher m orbidity and m ortality rates reflect the ex isten ce o f invisible forces w hich are affecting w om en’s lives.11 Rom illa Thapar indentifies cultural m ilieu, family structure, class, caste, property rights and m orals as the so u rce o f w om en’s infinite variations o f status.12 Neera D esai points out that the Indian w om en’s m ovem ent has not taken a violent form like its counterpart in w estern co u n ­ tries. The w ider perspective gained by many wom en lead ers and the d ecision to work for the liberation o f all the oppressed and the exploited classes rather than only for w om en prevented the Indian m ovem ent from the selfdefeating and alienating elitism o f its w estern counterpart.13 A. B e te ille says that Indian society must first be broken down into its basic divisions in o rd er to exam ine the place assigned to w om en in each. Rarely does m arriage and m otherhood allow w om en to fully participate in social and cultural life. Work, for exam ple in the rural sector, low ers the status o f w om en. He con clud es that w ork conditions have to be a ltered .14 Suma Chitnis surveys the trends in urban fem ale em ploym ent and finds that w om en have a higher participation rate in fem ale occupations, while educated w om en have a high rate o f unem ploym ent. Chitnis advocates the redefinition o f sex ro le s.15 Imtiaz Ahmed points out that m en are the basis of w om en’s participation in politics. Without the support o f a husband, father o r son, they ca n ’t go to the polls. Devaki Jain em phasizes that status lies in the eyes o f the beh old er. She recom m ends the removal o f obstacles such as im m obility, optionless occupation in m enial tasks, hum iliation in term s o f non-participation in decision-m aking.17 Alfred D ’Souza identifies fertility perform ance and the capacity to p rod u ce sons as the determ inants o f w om en’s

WOMEN IN INDIAN SOCIETY

47

social standing. High fertility becom es less a w om an’s p er­ sonal ch o ice than the outcom e o f a com bination o f so cio ­ econ om ic factors such as poverty, high infant mortality, the requirem ents o f the family w ork-force and old-age security.18 • Promilla Kapoor focuses on m iddle class women facing role con flict.19 • The traditional Indian woman, observes Mandelbaum, knows no acceptable alternative role for h erself than that o f wifem other, and the mark o f her success as a person are her living, thriving children. Though the education o f w omen in urban areas is strongly associated with sm aller family size and has raised the age at m arriage, it has not brought about any radical change in traditional behaviour patterns.20 • There is a concentration o f w om en in traditionally fem ale occupations such as teaching, nursing, social work, stenog­ raphy, all o f which have low status and rem uneration.21 • Gail Omvedt feels that housewives do not generate a w om an’s m ovem ent.22 The Report of the Com m ittee on the Status o f W om en in India contains statistical data on im portant social and eco n om ic variables affecting the personal developm ent and patterns o f social behaviour o f w omen in India. N evertheless, it d o esn ’t succeed in touching upon the subjective dim ension o f the status of women, which to a considerable extent determ ines th eir p er­ ceptions. This report docum ents a d ecline over the years in the actual position o f women relative to men: a rising life e x p e c­ tancy, yet a persisting and widening gap betw een male and female life expectancy; an increase in the rate o f dowry; the p er­ sistent notion that a w om an’s place is in the hom e; an absolute decline in women’s participation in the labour force and in agricul­ ture; a rising percentage of farm labourers. Since indepen­ dence, fewer women have becom e political leaders though voting participation of women has risen. Similarly, there is an absolute rise in the number of illiterate women although the development of women’s education since independence has been described as

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THE WOMB OF MIND

phenom enal. As regards legal rights, the gap is betw een the ideal as spelled out in laws and what has been achieved in practice. The Com m ittee points out what reform s are needed, o f which the most im portant relate to Muslim Personal Law and laws regarding polygamy, divorce, inheritance, adoption, child m ar­ riage and dowry. It observes that women participate in the u nor­ ganized sector o f the Indian econom y and that these w om en are characterized by helplessness, disabilities, o r various types o f exploitation. They are outside the reach o f most laws that seek to guarantee their security and improve their w orking conditions. For the m ost part, there are no labour organizations in these s e c ­ tors, w here w om en are generally paid less than men for com ­ parable w ork.23 Further, politics in gender relations tends to define to a great extent the kind and quality o f work w om en have access to. M oreover, a large num ber o f w om en in this sector are self-em ployed, although the proportion o f selfem ployed w om en is on the decline. O ne o f the m ajor reasons that wom en are becom ing increasingly confined to the u nor­ ganized sector lies in their lacking the m obility need ed to acquire skills and training. Hence, health, education and em ploym ent have been identified as critical areas for action program m es for Indian women.

Women and the Cult of Family The family is one o f the basic institutions o f Indian society. It preserves societal values and perform s the tasks essential for the survival o f society. P eop le’s desire for liberation and involvem ent with worldly activities made the philosophers propound the theory o f ‘purusarthas’. This theory refers to the four cardinal aims o f life: dharma, artha, karm a and moksha. Dharma denotes the appropriate action in a given situation or duty w hich varies with tim e, place, sex, age, tem peram ent, voc­ ation, circum stance, means, fortune, etc. Artha refers to the acquisitive instinct in man and that which makes him relish

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49

worldly enjoym ents. Karma indicates sexual and aesthetic appe­ tites, w hereas m oksha signifies self-realization or spirituality in human beings at the end o f life. A balance betw een the material and the spiritual life is struck in the schem e o f ashramas. According to the schem e o f ashram as , life is divided into four stages - Brahmacharya, Grhastha, Vanaprastha and Samnyasa. Each stage has its own duties o r dharm a. The first stage o f Brahm acharya is the period o f learning and education which is marked by the Upanayana o r the thread cerem ony. The second state o f Grhastha begins when the student returns from his studies, m arries and takes on the duties o f a householder. The hou sehold er, who practices dharm a, earns m aterial wealth, leads a life o f love with his partner and attains salvation. In the third stage o f Vanaprastha , the m iddle-aged couple retires to the forest and seeks peace through spiritual pursuits and m edi­ tations. Very few, how ever, reach the fourth and the last stage of life: the Samnyasa. This is when one ren ou n ces the w orld and gives up all o n e ’s needs and desires. In the second stage o f Grhastha, religion is recognized as a sou rce o f social control: regulating sexual activity and enforcing com m only held m odels o f appropriate behaviour for men, w om en and children, particularly in the hom e environm ent. The cultural conditioning o f Indian w om en has b een rein forced through various myths and legends, scriptures, codes o f conduct advocated in the laws o f Manu, etc. The traditional Indian family also draws its values from religious prescriptions. H ere, an indi­ vidual accepts an assigned role in the family hierarchy and fulfills his o r h e r obligations at the cost o f his or her own interests. D epending on their position in thè sibling hierarchy, the sons enjoy varying rights and responsibilities in a family set-up w here the father has the highest authority. The m other, however, wields a lot o f influence over h er child ren and enjoys suprem e control over the daughters-in-law. Although, the head o f the hou sehold is supposed to take into account the wishes, needs and d esires o f all, the family is nevertheless not always a just and

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THE WOMB OF MIND

fair environm ent. Women beco m e fatalistic as they play a passive role in the traditional family hierarchy. Society d oes not en courage them to fulfill their personal desires, and m arriage becom es m ore o f a social im perative w hose main o bjective is the perform ance o f dharm a and the perpetuation o f the family as w ell as that o f the group. It is through their role as w ife and m other that wom en achieve status in the family and com m unity. Still society respects and treats them b etter if they give birth to sons. Now that eco n om ic pressures have forced w om en into the job-m arket, this role has also gradually beco m e acceptable. D hirendra Narayan found that, traditionally, when a brid e join ed h er new household she was exp ected to adjust to h er hus­ band’s family-culture. Today, how ever, w om en like to be assertive and set up th eir own structures. V oiced com parisons o f the daughters-in-law, or o f the sisters and sisters-in-law , create quite an unpleasant situation especially for the man who tends to shy away from taking sides, and often rem ains ambivalent. The daughter-in-law threatens the m other who is em otionally tied to her son. This state o f affairs is accep ted in a traditional set-up, but an increasingly self-aw are m odern woman does not subm it so easily.24

Preference for Sons Richard Lannoy em phasizes the m other-son relationship in the Indian family: “No affective relationship in the Indian family is w arm er or m ore intense than that betw een m other and son. It has been so sin ce the establishm ent o f the joint family system in the late Vedic period, and it continu es to be so even in the urban m iddle-class nuclear family. T h ere is one important qualifica­ tion. Extrem e intensity in this relationship is generally focused on only one son, often but not invariably the first born. W hile the father rem ains suprem e in his authority, the m other is the cen tre o f dom estic life, a state o f affairs ensured by the se g re­ gation o f wom en and the aloofness o f the father. Prolonged

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unilateral dependence from infancy up to the age o f th ree or m ore, and the inculcation o f passivity, docility, o b ed ien ce and respect, especially when rein forced by excessive indulgence, all tend to encourage a so n ’s very deep attachment to his m other.”25 W om en, he adds, are unsure o f them selves, socially immature, em otionally undisciplined and inclined to hysteria. A brid e feels her prestige and status in eco n om ic term s and is hardly regarded as a woman with a personality o f her own. A son is still a cherished possession, the su ccessor to family wealth, perform er o f family rites, protector in parents’old age, so u rce o f financial assistance and the o b ject o f family pride in the eyes o f others. This son-preferring culture is a sou rce o f severe strain for those w om en who are son less o r altogether childless. Even today, a husband rem arries to get a child o r a son from another woman, but the w ife cannot try to rectify h er pos­ ition by producing a child o r a son with another man. Sudhir Kakar observes that Indian w omen derive their identity from m otherhood w hile a son grants them both certifi­ cation and redem ption. A w om an’s identity, he adds, evolves out o f the particulars o f her life cycle and childhood, out o f the dailiness o f her relationships as daughter in her parents’ family and as w ife and daughter-in-law in her husband’s family and out of the universals o f the traditional ideals o f womanhood. Thus, her identity is wholly defined in term s o f h er relationship to o th ers.26 Many changes are now taking place. W om en’s ed uca­ tion, careers and contribution to the family’s incom e makes them participate actively in family affairs. Yet, they still do not enjoy freedom o f ch oice o r independent status, although there are a num ber o f w omen who are asserting them selves irres­ pective o f their econom ic independence. In urban areas, th ere is a trend toward nuclear fam ilies both for econom ic and em o ­ tional reasons. R.K. M ukherjee observes that w here the unit o f production and service is an individual, th e differential in earnings among b roth ers may generate tension in a family because consum ption

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in a joint family is collective. This tension may be felt among broth ers or th eir wives in the context o f th eir respective fam ilies o f procreation. In som e cases the tension subsides because o f the eco n om ic inability to form separate households. But, brothers are likely to separate, especially if th eir respective fam ilies o f procreation consist o f only children, daughters-inlaw and grand-children. Broth ers may also separate even if their fam ilies consist o f conjugal units only.27 It is generally believed that industrialization underm ines extended kinship systems. The extensive m obility requ ired by industrialization is viewed as the principal cause o f the break-up o f joint fam ilies, changes in social status and life-styles. Sociologists Parsons,28 G oode29 and Linton30 generally agree that industrialization has moved a num ber o f traditional functions away from the family. W hether industrialization weakens o r strengthens the nuclear family is, how ever, disputable. It is m aintained that with industrialization and ongoing econ om ic changes, the join t family is breaking down into a nuclear family both structurally and socio-culturally. W esterni­ zation is influencing the life-styles o f Indians residing in urban areas. However, they retain kinship ties with th eir original joint family w hether it is located within the city o r at a distance in a rural setting.31 In the urban areas, the conjugal bond betw een the husband and the wife gains greater im portance w hile the demands o f cosanguine ties d ecrease, especially among siblings. M oreover, the em ancipation o f the son from the dom inance o f his parents and the w om an’s d esire to overcom e h er subordinate position constitute the two basic form s o f change.32 Since wom en who have acquired econ om ic independence are not so formally segregated o r dependent on m en, w om en are marrying old er w hile divorce and w idow -rem arriage is gaining currency in the urban centres. Today, parents are con cerned m ore for th eir ch il­ d ren ’s success and career rather than family and kinship obliga­ tions. Marriage, nevertheless, continues to b e the test o f a fam­

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ily’s status and is th erefo re usually arranged by parents and kin, who give endogam y due consideration.33 ‘S a crifice’, according to Jongew ard has b een institutionalized as the central value in Indian culture. An Indian woman, th erefo re, exp resses her needs for pow er in an indirect way through ‘endow m ent’, and the self-sacrificing woman often masks a strong urge for pow er by passively being superior. It becom es a way o f recognition and the tension w hich results from this passivity gets covered up by h er silent obed ience. However, as w om en’s sp h ere o f activity broadens, the existing set of patterns shift, producing uneasiness. Thus, women who d esire to attain pow er w ithin the family by direct m eans becom e aggressive and active. Such a woman, aware o f h er am bivalences and lim itations, d o esn ’t seek security by controlling others but con cen trates on developing herself. Obviously, she becom es a great threat to the Indian family.34 This study unfolds the respond ents’ pro-fam ily ideology (brou gh t out elsew here in the b o o k ). Family acquires an intrinsic value in Indian society even though w om en have ample reasons - social, eco n o m ic and em otional - to, break up the family. It proves to be a protective institution, though not one devoid o f interpersonal strain. Indian civilization, to a great deal, has contributed to the notion o f a p red eterm ined and im m utable o rd er o f things. Its scriptures strongly project the image o f a m onolithic w orld ord er, the dbarm a, although men and w om en can and to deviate from it. The authority o f dharm a may dim inish as a result o f urbanization and secularization but the dharm a itself exists as an in con trovertible paradigm.

•

CHAPTEB

FOt'l

•

O U R P E R S P E C T I V E AND METHODOLOGY

M o v e m e n t constitutes social reality, but w hether this m ovem ent is arbitrary o r w hether it operates according to any p rinciples is som ething we try to com p reh en d through the statu s-exp erience o f w om en in D elhi. The sam ple for this study was purposively selected from D elhi, as the city provides an ideal stage for the dram a o f m odern life, a drama w hich, like th e D elph ic oracles, dem ands to b e interpreted. Initially, we conducted a pilot study w hich helped us develop the m ethodology best suited to our o bjectiv e, i.e., to explain the subjective dim ension o f w om en ’s status. The com p lex exp erien tial w orld can b e grasped, to a large extent, through the “feelin g ” approach o r what we can call the fem inine m ode o f p erception. We have attem pted to highlight this in the interview s o f som e o f our protagonists. O ur sam ple consists o f two hundred cases, intensively studied and selected mainly from th e sou thern part o f D elhi. We also targeted oth er areas like Jam a Masjid and som e industrial com p lexes, in o rd er to reach Muslim w om en and industrial w om en w orkers. Respondents w ere selected on the basis o f var­ iables such as literacy and education, nature o f em ploym ent, family background, age, m arital status, com m unity, caste and class background. This en abled us to obtain a com prehensive picture o f w om en in Delhi. An interview sched u le, non-participant observation and interview s w ere the main tech n iq u es used for data co llectio n .

OUR PERSPECTIVE AND METHODOLOGY

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Data for this study was thus gen erated from several m odes o f inform ation, instead o f a single one. Data was conceived as a product o f the interaction betw een the inform ation given and the inform ation received. Som e respondents w ere con scious o f th eir inform ant’s role, but the m ajority got involved in the co n ­ versation spontaneously. We paid due attention to verbal and non-verbal expressions w hile observing w om en in given situa­ tions. An interview schedule was prepared w hich elicited data about social background, dom estic activities, patterns o f behaviour, socialization o f child ren , w ork sp here, sexuality and reprodu ction, general attitudes towards social issues and social awareness. The inform ation sought fell into the follow ing six categories: • Name, age, sex, marital status, age at m arriage, religion, caste, education, incom e, type o f family, num ber o f family m em bers, fath er’s occuptaion, father’s incom e, husband’s incom e and occupation. • a)H ouseh old functions like cooking, washing, sw eeping, cleaning, ironing, sewing, knitting, o ther dom estic w ork like th e care o f children, etc. b ) H ousehold decisions on expend iture for food, clothing, hou sehold n ecessities, education, m arriage o f child ren, religiou s cerem o n ies, m ajor investm ents, ch ild ren ’s career. c ) Pattern o f eating, pu rdah , leisure activities, freedom o f m ovem ent, etc. • Socialization o f children: care o f children, discrim ination betw een boys and girls regarding food, care, clothing, ed uca­ tion, birth cerem o n ies, m edical care, autonom y for career and m arriage, freedom o f m ovem ent, freedom to work, political participation, m arriage practices, etc. • Work, occupation, incom e, right to spend, num ber o f w orking hours, expenditure on transport, attitudes towards w orking w om en: m arried or single; guilt over neglecting the children,

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work problem s, m otherhood facilities, financial accounts, property, house allow ance, personal expenditure, rights over jew ellery and dowry, etc. • Sexuality and reproduction: status in this field, rights over o n e ’s body, freedom o f mixing, ch o ice o f m arriage partners, sexual and reproduction problem s, double sexual standards for m en and w om en, pre- and extra-m arital relations, rep ro ­ duction autonomy, abortion and contraception, w ife-beating, rape, suicide, etc. Quality o f m arriage, dom inant partn er’s acceptance, divorce and family planning, etc. • Status o f w om en: subjective and objective p erceptions about the status o f women today, and the criteria for the enhancem ent o f their status plus any other com m ents o r observations. At the outset, we established a rapport with the respondents and drew the inform ation out gradually during th e cou rse o f long conversations, i noted down the inform ation since our objectiv e was to have a uniform m ode o f inquiry for both the lit­ erate as well as the illiterate women. The questions w ere unstructured with a view to provide the flexibility suitable to our requirem ents. These tips we learned from the pilot survey co n ­ ducted earlier. The interviews with each su bject lasted from a m inimum o f three hours to a maximum o f five hours, with, at tim es, recesses. This enabled me to observe w om en in th eir natural habitat. However, for a few in-depth case studies, I taperecord ed interviews in ord er to get a full description o f the interview ee’s subjective realm or h er intangible w orld o f “fe e l­ ings” from childhood through adulthood. The w hole process proved to be quite cathartic as many o f them broke down. tye have done only minimal editing in ord er to allow the protagonists to reveal not only what they are feeling, but how they are exp erien cin g these feelings. As a result, the interviews are at tim es quite lengthy, but their very length and circu it­ ousness m irrors the creative processes through w hich they filter their objective reality. This is what we characterize as “the w om b

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of m ind.” Though we anticipated a certain level o f non-response, a surprising eighty per cent o f the respondents w ere extrem ely keen to stretch the conversation. Som e respondents felt they had found a confidante in me, w hereas others perceived me as an em otional dust-bin. Interestingly, out o f these eighty per cen t of w om en who spontaneously opened up, only half o f them, i.e., forty per cent o f the total, felt uninhibited when it cam e to speaking about their sexuality - a sensitive, forbidden and frightening area for many. G enerally I tried to maintain the status o f a stranger in interacting with the subjects. Only in the Jam a Masjid area did I seek help from friends to gain access to women in their h ou se­ holds. In the case o f working w om en, we fixed appointm ents on the w eek-ends o r on som e holiday. In other cases, the p resen ce o f the husband was not only inhibiting and even intimidating, but it entirely defeated our purpose. By and large, w om en had to seek perm ission from either th eir husband o r m other-in-law (w herever and w henever p resen t) befo re they sat down to talk. Hence, the duration and intensity o f contact varied according to the interview ee’s hospitality and readiness to com m unicate. Primary data for this study w ere obtained during the years 1978-80. Re-establishing contact with som e o f our respondents in 1988-89 facilitated the updating o f this work. O ccasional cross-questioning, overall narrative and observation, to som e extent, provided a testing ground for the reliability o f th eir answers. We, how ever, do acknow ledge the role o f subjective interpretation and view data as a process and product o f intersubjectivity w hich may result in the creation o f a shared su b jec­ tivity. We are keenly aware o f the limits and scope o f this study. The heterogeneity and com plexity o f Indian society makes it rather difficult to generalize about women in urban areas on the basis o f two hundred respondents from Delhi. It may not b e a statistically significant num ber. N onetheless, we hope to furnish

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som e insights regarding the am bivalent status-experience o f w om en in D elhi through a few in-depth case studies and to d escribe the subjective dom ain which form s an im portant aspect in understanding the situation o f wom en. We have, th erefo re, developed a m ethodology which gives voice to our subjects. This voice is then interpreted thus becom ing the resp on d en t’s definition o f the situation, i.e., the objective situation as w ell as the subjective assessm ent o f it. We have chosen a m ulti-dim ensional perspective to u nd er­ stand and explain w om en’s paradoxical ex p erien ces in the c o n ­ tem porary period. Although functional, dialectical and psycho­ analytical theories may sound- contradictory, they all have a special force, and each theory may in different situations prove the m ost expedient. At tim es, they will all be sim ultaneously applicable. The very existence o f a wide variety o f contending th eo ries, each presenting a different ideological attempt to in terpret a changing social reality, is challenging in itself. The functional analysis is based on the prem ise that so cieties are structured and that their constituent institutions are regularized and adjusted to on e another in such a way that the system rem ains functional. All so cieties have a division o f labour that assures food, p ro ­ duction, etc. Sociologists, from Durkheim to m odern functionalists, have shown that all so cieties have an econom y, a governm ent, a family system, and a religious system that divide and perform these necessary functions. Parsons, for exam ple, postulated fem ale expressiveness and m ale instrum entality as the m ajor constructs in his analysis o f the nuclear family. According to him, society requ ires that family protect its integrity as the fundamental social unit. The family m eets th e need to socialize children by having the m other maintain its internal expressive bonds, w hile father manages its instrum ental ties to the external social realm. This com plem entarity o f func­ tions reduces com petition betw een the parents, and the p aren ts’ united front helps the children assume functional roles w hich

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co rresp o n d to the roles o f th eir sam e sex parent.1 Social activity o r institutions may have latent functions for som e o th e r activity. For exam ple, the nuclear family ben efited the p ro cess o f individualization; p eo p le w ere freed from family ties w hich in turn made them m ore m obile. An institution or social activity, then, may con tribu te to m aintaining a stable social system. For instance, Durkheim saw religion as contributing to the stability o f a society and social activity as satisfying the basic social n eed s or functional pre-requ isites if the system was to su r­ vive.2 However, functionalism cannot account for social co n flict even though the con cep t o f dysfunction may indicate a positive function o f social conflicts. Then, it does not account for change as no m echanism is seen to disturb the existing functional relationships. Finally, it neglects the m eaning that individuals give to th eir actions by concentrating on the co n seq u en ces o f actions. Thus, to understand the exten t o f discom fort and discord under the existing system, we borrow notions from psycho­ analytical and dialectical thought. Every process in life brings its contradictory process, and life takes im portant steps only w hen it synthesizes these two into a new form - a becom ing. Freud sought out p rocesses o f conflict and contradiction instead o f identity, con gru en ce and function. He sought the restlessn ess o f self-realization and becom ing, the struggle o f the psyche to realize its p o ssibilities by transcending its built-in lim itations. Man achieves a com p rom ise betw een the instinctual and th e social; this is at o n ce m an’s victory over nature as w ell as m an’s agony. Struggle is the principal dynamic in his theory. C onflict’s main m echanism is rep ression , and o n e o f its principal diagnostics is am bivalence. A ccording to the theory o f sublim a­ tion, rep ressio n generates the energy for culture. To Freud, it is at o n c e the sou rce o f our hum anity and o f our illness. Most o f Freud’s anti-theses have the ch aracteristics o f inter-changea­ bility: love-hate, sadism -m asochism and even Eros-Thanatos.3

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He does not simply separate things into conceptual o p p o ­ sites, for the essen ce o f the p rocess is that the opposites are in an active relationship o f mutual contradiction. They negate each o ther by moving into each other; they are the two sides o f the sam e coin, w hose clash and fusion produce new forms. This is at the co re o f the Freudian view o f human nature. He further points out that all the necessary elem ents o f co n ­ tradiction are present in the ch ild ’s relation to its m other. It is not the father but the m other who, on on e hand, threatens cast­ ration while providing p rotection and nurture, and, on the o th e r hand, is both hostile and enveloping. The child tries to overcom e his am bivalence towards the m other by gaining mastery over her. O edipal resolu tion is a negation o f this am bivalence and the dynamics o f this p rocess lies with the child, who creates conflicts out o f his own com pulsion for m aturation. M oreover, the m aturation p rocess creates a sense o f estrangem ent and lon elin ess am ongst m odern people. It is the effort involved in overcom ing this lon elin ess that accounts for human sociability. Existentialists from Kierkegard to H eidegger and Sartre offer another view: they demand that we face and deal with problem s o f our human condition, w hich they see as rooted in anxiety, insecurity, a fundamental dread due to the absen ce o f certainties, and in an affirm ation o f ‘n othin gn ess’, ‘unreality’ and ‘m eaninglessness’. Finally, it is the need to take action that helps us to elim inate despair and define our humanness. A reord erin g o f relationships should b e p ossible by rem oving co ercio n and enhancing com m unication. Yet, for Freud, certain patterns o f civilization have survived becau se “The narcissistic satisfaction provided by the cultural ideal is also among the forces w hich are successful in com bating the hostility to culture within the cultural unit. This satisfaction can be shared in not only by the favoured classes, which enjoy the benefits o f the culture, but also by the suppressed ones, sin ce the right to despise the people outside it com pensates them for the wrongs they suffer within their own unit. This identification

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o f the suppressed classes with the class that rules and exploits them is, how ever, only part o f a larger w hole. For, on the other hand, the suppressed classes can be em otionally attached to their m asters; in spite o f their hostility to them they may see in them , th eir ideals; unless such relations o f a fundamentally satisfying kind subsided, it would be im possible to understand how a num ber o f civilizations have survived.”4 Thus, Freud makes us loo k for paradox as much as com plem entarity, for opposition and dissonance in human affairs as much as accom ­ m odation. And he urges us to critically exam ine the com m onsense interpretations o f reality that lie at the co re o f our cultural systems. T h e gen eral schem e o f binary differentiation as the prin­ cipal m ode o f developm ent referred to by functionalists, how­ ever, varies from the duality Freud deals with. In the form er case the binary units split again and do not synthesize, w hereas, in the latter case, dualisms are inherent in life and are imm anent in the basic contradiction o f mind that clash with each oth er and em erg e as som ething else. This, in a way, brings Freud clo ser to dialectical philosophy. In dialectical philosophy nothing is final, absolute or sacred. It reveals the transitory ch aracter o f everything and in everything; nothing can endure b efo re it except the u ninter­ rupted p rocess o f becom ing and o f passing away, o f endless ascendancy from the low er to the higher. In the history o f society, contrary to the blind and uncon­ scious interplay betw een man and nature, the actors are all endow ed with a consciousness, they are men acting with d elib­ eration o r passion and w orking towards definite goals. However, in spite o f an individual’s consciously desired aim, that which is willed happens but rarely. In the m ajority o f instances, the various desired ends eith er con flict with one another or are from the outset unrealizable. In many cases, the individual lacks the necessary m eans to attain them. Such conflicts and contradic­ tions in human affairs are analogous to those prevailing in the

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realm o f unconscious nature. The ends o f actions are intended, but the results have con seq u en ces quite o ther than those intended.5 Men may indeed make their own history w hatever its outcom e, but they do not know the history they make. Marx’s dialectical theory o f man tries to overcom e the dichotom y betw een idealism and m aterialism . H egel, an idealist, ch ooses con sciousn ess, for the spirit bridges the opposition betw een m aterialism and idealism through consciousness, rather than through Marx’s painful synthesis by praxis. Feu er­ b ach ’s m aterialism im plies yet another extrem e by assuming that consciousness is united with the w orld in a given physical harm ony rather than through the princip le o f struggle in human action. But for Marx, praxis is m ore than a p rin ciple o f co n ­ sciousness: it is a p re-reflective unity o f nature and co n scio u s­ ness, w hich can be translated in thought but cannot be initiated. Human activity, th erefo re, sym bolizes the living unity o f nature and consciousness and thus produces both real freedom and free reality. Let us focus on another aspect o f Marx’s writings.' the m odel o f class struggle w hereby Marx tries to explain social change. He viewed the dynamic o f revolution in term s o f a conflict o f interests. W hen the oppressed saw that it was truly in their interest to shuck th eir oppression, th eir con sciousness was raised. They acted on beh alf o f th eir own class and m ounted a revolution, after w hich they established th eir own alternative values as the legitim ate order. Thus, in the area o f w ork, sexual stratification appears to b e another sp here o f class stratification and sexual struggle; in short, a form o f class struggle.6 This, how­ ever, cannot apply universally becau se the fem ale social category encom passes significant class interests caused by dif­ feren ces o f wealth, education, occupation and family position. Studying w om en as o n e class is th erefo re not p ossible. However, we realize that M arxist theory claim s to explain the historical and econ om ic developm ent o f society w hereas Freudian analysis claim s to help us understand the place and m eaning o f sexuality.

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As is well-known, we can trace all these th eo ries back to the Enlightenm ent project, i.e., they all take as their point o f departure an a priori separation betw een man and nature. As is clear from our discussion in Chapter th ree (T h e M ysterious D om ain o f Fem ininity), we have seriou s differences with this approach sin ce we posit a positive and an internal relationship betw een nature and human beings. We do not co n sid er nature as som ething ‘outside’ ourselves waiting to be overcom e and su b ­ ordinated. As we are w ell aware, cu rrent know ledge about our w orld, both physical and social, appears to contradict the c o n ­ ventional understanding o f reality. Sim ilarly, it seem s that our understanding o f social reality is developing in such a way as to accom m odate different and opp osite phenom ena. Thus, the structural and processual perspectives go hand in hand to explain the continuities and discontinuities in a rapidly changing and dynamic m etropolis like Delhi.

General Characteristics of the Sample Table 1: Religious and Caste Background Variables a)

b) c) d) e)

Number

Hindus Brahmans Kshatriyas Vaishyas Shudras Muslims Sikhs Jains Christians

135 44 50 17 24 30 15 10 10

Total

200

Percentage 67.5 ofthe total 32.60 of the Hindus 37.02 of the Hindus 12.60 ofthe Hindus 17.78 of the Hindus 15 0 ofthe total 7.5 of the total 5.0 of the total 5 0 of the total 100.00 per cent

T h e majority in our sam ple are Hindu w om en constituting 67.5 p e r cen t o f the total n u m ber o f respondents. Out o f the Hindus, 32.60 per cen t are Brahm ans, 37.02 per cent Kshatriyas,

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THE WOMB OF MIND

12.60 per cen t Vaishyas, and 17.78 p er cent Shudras. The rest breaks down as follow s: 15 per cent Muslims, 7.5 per cen t Sikhs, 5 per cent Jains, and 5 per cent Christians. D ifferent religious traditions have a great impact on the role and status o f w om en. It suffices to m ention h ere two sets o f ch aracteristics w hich, as we will see, are closely related to religious activities. T hese characteristics are: (a ) factors such as age, sex, class background and marital status that d escrib e o bjectiv e social circum stances; and ( b ) attitudinal characteristics such as politics, eco n om ic behaviour, discrim ination and sexual behaviour.

Table 2: Marital Status of Respondents M a r ita l s t a t u s

1. 2. 3. 4.

N um ber

P e rc e n ta g e

Unmarried Married Divorced Widowed

10 165 5 20

5.0 82.5 2.5 10.0

Total

200

100.0

Five per cent o f the w om en in our sam ple are unm arried; 82.5 per cent are m arried; 2.5 per cent divorced and 10 per cen t are widows. Sociologists for a long tim e have viewed m arriage as a key integrative m echanism in society. They link divorce and marital break-up directly with disorganization in a society. In certain c ir ­ cum stances, divorce is seen as a solution to many personal and social problem s in urban areas. Unm arried w om en are still sus­ pected and labelled , and widows ex p erien ce a loss in status. It appears that m arriage becom es an im portant factor that validates personal adequacy and heterosexual norm ality. The m arital status o f wom en also directly relates to th eir age and class background.

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65

Table 3: Age Distribution of Respondents Age

Unmarried

Married

Divorced

Widowed

Mean

29.5 yrs

3586 yrs

33 yrs

48.35 yrs

The m ean age o f w om en in our sam ple is: 29.5 years for unm arried respondents; 35-86 years for m arried; 33 years for divorced and 48.35 years for widows. It is interesting to note th e role age plays in generating generational conflict, demands for equality and the distribution of pow er. The fact o f being young or old can sufficiently determ ine a w om an’s status, a notion w hich we shall exp lo re later.

Table 4 : Occupational Profile of Respondents Present Status 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Employed Unemployed Housewives Doing unpaid work Students Total

Number

Percentage

48 5 127 10 10

24.0 2.5 63.5 5.0 5.0

200

100.0

In our sam ple, 24 p er cen t o f the w om en are em ployed w hereas 2.5 per cent are em ployed; 63 5 per cen t are housew ives; 5 per cent are doing unpaid work, and 5 p er cent are students. Chapter five deals with occupation as a factor determ ining the status-experience o f w om en. An occupation, w e find, includes and goes beyond o n e ’s job. Rather, it develops p erso n ­ ality, eco n om ic ind ep en d en ce and social relationships, all of which partially determ ine the life situations o f women.

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THE WOMB OF MIND

Table 5 : Class Background of Respondents Family income Rupees

Total No. of cases

Below 500 501 -1 5 0 0 1 5 0 1 -2 5 0 0 2501 and above

51 65 58 26

25.5 32.0 29.0 13.5

200

100.0

Total

Percentage

Class Lower Middle U. Middle Upper

Family incom e o f 25.5 per cent o f our respondents is below 500 rupees; 32.0 p er cen t have an incom e betw een Rs. 501 and 1500 w hereas 29 p er cent have betw een Rs. 1501 and 2500. O nly 13 5 per cent o f the w om en have a family incom e o f Rs. 2501 and above. Family in com e has a deep bearing on consum ption patterns. However, w om en w ere a bit cautious about revealing th eir hidden incom es such as incom e from capital, social security benefits, property, tax con cession s and oth er sources. Stability o f incom e and family size also prove intervening variables that determ ine th eir attitudes towards getting, spending and saving money.

Table 6 : Educational Profile of Respondents Level 1. Illiterate 2. 3.

H. Secondary College and above Total

Number

Percentage

52 77 71

26.0 38.5 35.5

200

100.0

Twenty-six per cen t o f our respondents are illiterate, w hereas 38.5 p er cent are educated up to higher secondary. 35.5 per cen t have reached the level o f co lleg e education and above. In Chapter five we shall review the ro le o f education in the lives

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o f urban w om en - how it is both an end in itself and a means o f realizing oth er d esirable goals. We shall also exam ine w hether education proves to be the m ost significant instrum ent for changing w om en’s position and creating high self-esteem , and w hether it helps o r hinders the quality o f family relationships.

Table 7 : Type of Family Family

Number

Percentage

Nuclear Joint

146 54

73 27

Total

200

100

Seventy-three p er cen t o f the respondents belon g to nuclear fam ilies, w hereas 27 per cen t are part o f join t fam ilies. The size and structure o f the family are im portant in d eter­ m ining the ro le o f w om en in the family. We intend to exam ine the form and con ten t o f urban w om en’s family life and study how, in fact, the family keeps wom en in a double-bind situation by both oppressing w om en and providing them support and p rotection. Now, perhaps, m ore than ever b efo re, the family bears a g reater em otional load. Thus, our study deals m ore with what can be m easured rather than the p recise m easurem ent.

•

CHAPTER

FI VE

•

DI L E MMAS OF S OC I A L CLASS?

T H E su bject o f this book has b ee n ‘in the a ir’ for over a decade. Yet, thus far, no one sought to form ulate a basic design that would sap the subterranean levels o f w om en’s world. How are wom en living? What are they making and breaking? What is th eir life ex p e rien ce in term s o f their status and sphere, th eir oppression and its transform ation? We raised these qu estions during our conversation with w om en about th eir lives. It seem s that w om en find it hardest - to achieve a full sen se o f identity, to know who they are, w here they are going and what is m ean­ ingful in their lives - at the tim e when their readymade id en ­ tities and roles are being questioned. Human society is so com plex and volatile that consistency is difficult to m aintain. W om en’s ex p erien ce reflects the co n trad ic­ tions and confusions o f a culture w hen hitherto taken-forgranted assum ptions are questioned, and social life manages to return in all its com plexity, ambiguity and precariousness. In these pages, besid es presenting and discussing the data c o l­ lected, we focus on how w om en’s subjectivity fertilizes th eir objective world. We listen to what w om en feel and say, w hile rem aining acutely aware that they cannot always express th eir life ex p erien ce in words. M oreover, w om en are subject to so cio ­ cultural constraints governing what they can and cannot say. The status o f w om en cannot be understood in term s o f co n ­ tem porary social statistics alone. We must think in term s o f the m eaning the respondents assign to the attributes o r variables. Our data reveals that even as indicators o f status, sp ecific variables such as incom e, occupation, education, caste, family,

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DILEMMAS OF SOCIAL CLASS

relig io n or sexuality by them selves are far less im portant than in com bination. Much less does a single o n e o f these variables in d icate how w om en ex p erie n ce th eir status. Thus, we question th e basic validity o f all data w hich purports to connect a specific v ariable with a specific behaviour pattern. We believe that the in ter-con n ectio n s among variables are often much m ore im portant than any single variable. The w hole is, to an extent, g re a te r than the sum o f its parts. Still, even if key variables do n ot d eterm in e social life, they certainly can constrain it severely. S o cial class, thus, is not simply an association o f variables such as in com e, occupation, education, family background, etc. Rather, we view social class as a dynamic elem ent in determ ining dilem m as and status perceptions. We cannot divorce objective factors from their subjective contexts. O bjective factors such as ed u cation , em ploym ent, property, control over m aterial and so cial resou rces, rights and privileges, etc., cannot explain the exp erien tial reality o f mind and the m eaning individual actors attach to it. O ur data, th erefore, concentrates on what can be m easured rather than the p recise m easurem ent o f the status of w om en.

Table: 1 Discrepancy Score between Objective and Subjective Status Subjective Perception

Women Having Women Having Total a High Status a LowStatus (objective criteria) (objective criteria)

WEHS - Women Experiencing a High Status

8.5%

1.5%

10%

WELS - Women Experiencing a Low Status

48.0%

42.0%

90%

56.5 %

43.5%

100%

Total

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THE WOMB OF MIND

O bjectively speaking, 56.5 p er cen t o f the respondents have a high status w hereas 43-5 p er cen t a low status. However, only 10 per cent speak o f ex p erien cin g a high status, w hile 90 p er cent speak o f exp erien cin g a low status. This means that 48 p er cent o f w om en who actually enjoy a high status ex p erien ce a low one. On the oth er hand, 1.5 p er cen t o f w om en who have an objectively low status ex p erien ce a high status. T he discrepancy sco re betw een the o bjectiv e and subjective dim ensions points to the different aspects o f status-dynamism and gives a new twist to the data co llected hitherto. Our study indicates the follow ing status-situations o f wom en: • An objectively high status synchronizing with a subjectively high status exp erien ce. • An objectively high status coincid ing with a subjectively low status ex p erien ce. • An objectively low status synchronizing with a subjectively low status exp erien ce. • An objectively low status coincid in g with a subjectively high status ex p erien ce. • The notion o f internal and external status com es into being; gain in extern al status could imply a loss in the internal realm , and gain in internal status could imply a loss in the extern al realm. • Status cannot be viewed in absolu te term s, i.e., an overall high status d o esn ’t necessarily imply a high status in all sp heres; by the same token, an overall low status d o esn ’t necessarily m ean a low status in all spheres. • Status com pensation occu rs, i.e., a low status in one sp h ere is com pensated by a high status in anoth er sp h ere or vice versa. In other w ords, evolution and devolution go hand in hand.

DILEMMAS OF SOCIAL CLASS

71

• Status-fluctuation prevails and depends on the ex p erien ce o f tim e and space both at the individual and societal level.

General Characteristics of Women Experiencing a High Status - (WEHS) T en per cent o f the respondents ex p erien ce a high status. Most o f these w om en belon g to the upper castes, though th ere are a few cases o f Christian and Sikh women. They vary in age from late twenties to late forties, and all o f them are m arried. With few excep tio n s, they all fall in the upper (Rs. 2501 and above) and upper-m iddle (betw een Rs. 1501 and 2 5 0 0 ) incom e category. Few w om en are highly educated and currently engaged in a job outside the hom e. In fact, m ost o f them are housewives. Three and a half per cent live in join t fam ilies with an average o f six m em bers, and 6.5 per cent in nuclear fam ilies. They have an average o f two children. D ecision-m aking pow er regarding d om estic expenditures, education, health and ch ild ren ’s mar­ riage rests with both the husband and the wife. Most o f these w om en hold a traditional outlook on life and are strongly rooted in religion . They follow a different set o f norm s depending on w hether they are raising sons or daughters. In the case o f sons, they em phasize education, career, health, food, and freedom . They have to seek perm ission to move around from either th eir husbands or the eld ers in the family, even though they, de

fa c to ,

enjoy freedom o f movement. T hese w om en feel op p ressed both by the m en and the w om en in the family. For instance, they p erceive th eir husbands as dom inating and their m others-in-law as authoritarian. G enerally speaking, these w om en are supportive in nature, W omen exp erien cin g a high status com plain about restric­ tio n s on th eir m ovem ent, about th eir m others-in-law , health, sexual problem s, work, finances and value clashes within the family. (T h ese are discussed in detail later.)

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THE WOMB OF MIND

General Characteristics of Women Experiencing a Low Status - (WELS) Ninety p er cent o f o u r respondents ex p erien ce having a low status. T h ese w om en show a discrepancy sco re betw een th e o b jectiv e and subjective dim ension o f status. 24 p er cent are illit­ erate, 34 p er cen t have a h igher secondary level education, and 32 p er cen t have com pleted co lleg e o r higher levels. They range in age betw een 20 and 60 years, and m ost o f them are m arried with an average o f th ree children. Only 5 p er cent o f th ese respondents are unm arried, 2.5 per cen t are divorced, and 10 p er cen t are widows. 72.5 p er cen t are m arried. 22 p er cen t o f th ese w om en are em ployed; 2.5 p er cen t are unem ployed; 55.5 p er cen t are housew ives; 5 p er cent are unpaid w orkers, and 5 p er cen t students. The household ch o res - nam ely cooking, cleaning, washing and shopping - are shared am ong various family m em bers, daughters-in-law and the servants. Both the husband and the wife participate in the decision-m aking process regarding dom estic expend itures such as the education, health and m ar­ riage o f the children. Many w om en enjoy freedom o f m ovem ent, but have to seek perm ission from th eir eld ers in the family. G en ­ erally speaking, they em phasize traditional norm s and values regarding social roles. T h ere are, o f cou rse, som e exceptions to these. In our conversations, certain characteristics em erged. T h ese w om en d escribed both m en and oth er w om en within the family structure as a sou rce o f suppression. Many o f th ese respondents cam e across as influential in that they like to influence o th ers with th eir ideas and values. However, m ost o f them em erg e as supportive w om en. Rarely did we co m e across individualized wom en. W hile they might ex p erien ce a low status, these w om en are not pow erless within and outside the family. W omen exp erien cin g a low status talk o f facing problem s con cernin g health, in-laws, eco n om ic situation, work, ch ild ren ’s

DILEMMAS OF SOCIAL CIASS

73

education, freedom o f m ovem ent, access to education, sexuality, relatives, value clashes, property matters, and security. They com plain o f being em otionally exploited and deprived, beaten and dom inated by their husbands, discrim inated against in the w ork place, inadequately rem unerated for their work, and illtreated by w om en m istresses. Although wom en identify and are aware o f their personal and social problem s, they do not take any steps or exact m ea­ su res to am eliorate o r eradicate their undesirable conditions. Instead, they m erely protest verbally and in quite a casual m anner. This pyramid o f data erected covers well the corp se o f a still-born concept o f status. However, to surpass the hardness o f this kind of objective data, we have tried to incorporate w om en’s subjectivity through a few in-depth, taped interviews (p resented h e re and in the next two chapters). Subjectivity, we reiterate, determ ines to a large extent the perceptions o f their life situa­ tions. Furtherm ore the m aterial thus generated proves both p ro ­ vocative and liberating. Taking account o f the subjective dim ension through the ‘feeling approach’ equips us with an oth er tool to understand w om en’s status. As quantum physics has taught us, the observer greatly determ ines the nature o f the observed. W ere we to tackle the w orld with but o n e tool, say, a ham m er, we would probably observe that it was made up o f nothing but nails.

Nisha: Thousand Expectations an d a M ood o f Triumph Nisha is in h er late thirties and has received a M aster’s D egree from a prestigious co lleg e in Delhi. She belongs to the upperclass and upper-caste and is a business woman - an exporter. Sh e lives in a posh colony in D elhi with her husband, daughter and m other. Nisha relates h er story: “My father was in the air fo rce, and we had a very conservative and a very n ice upbringing - good values, etc. Basically that is the guiding force for what I have done till today. My father brought us up in an environm ent

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THE WOMB OF MIND

- there was a lot o f everything - but, you know, you always had to do a bit o f a struggle. Nothing fell into our laps. Till dad was alive, we didn’t know o f any life ex cep t around our parents. If they took us for a holiday, we went. So, I d on ’t rem em b er any­ thing from my childhood that was outrageous or unusual. But th e fact was that my father was very very strict. We w ere th ree o f us - an old er bro th er and a younger sister. So, I did go through th e m iddle-child problem s. My younger sister was totally pam ­ p ered , and my b roth er was in any case ‘Khuda’ (G o d ) in ou r house. My sister was a pretty girl, and I wasn’t particularly good looking - 1 didn’t get that kind o f attention. T h erefore, what I did - in my own way I built my personality. Now I realize that I cu l­ tivated talent for anything I had inside me to stand out and com pete with the other two children. Both the children w ere m ild w hereas I was much m ore aggressive, outgoing and o u t­ spoken. My father was so conservative that I had to even make my hair in the most traditional way. My father cam e from a village and my m other from a city and an educated, w ell-to-do family. Sh e was very mild. The kind o f pressu re that my father e x e r ­ cised , scared me for many years. I cou ld n ’t talk to a man. Th en, when I got my periods, my m other being so conservative did n’t tell me anything about it. So it was a real shock. I rem em b er I had gone to see a m ovie in a local hall, and my panty was red, and I just could not understand what it was. Then I told my m other - she just gave me a pad to wear. That w orried me - you know, I didn’t know that I had to change it, and I kept it on for five days. My m other probably was so shy that she didn’t ask me anything for those five days. You know, I got a scratch betw een my legs till it started bleeding to o and all that sm ell.... I learnt m ore about it from school. I wish som ebody had w arned me about it. I will never let it happen to my daughter now. Everything was hidden in our tim es. Father was made into a ‘hauva’ (d ictato r) - you had to be quiet in front o f him , you had to reach hom e b efo re him. He was never treated as a father o r a

DILEMMAS OF SOCIAL CLASS

75

friend whom you could ask for anything. He was a person with so m uch anger, and he had such a h o rrib le tem per that he would get into the position o f beating m e. I had a mind o f my own, and he suppressed m e a lot, but he loved me a lot, too. It is now that I realize because, after he used to beat me, he was the m ost rem orsefu l person. He would say that he could se e anything in th e w orld except my ‘d o li’ (dep artu re after w edding). But the thing is that when he was with us we used to hate him. I was a little outspoken in spite o f his suppression, and he thought I should b e a lawyer. So, w hen he died, I cam e out o f my shell and I really blossom ed. I was twenty years old then. Luc­ kily, h e put m e in the hostel, and I did everything, dance, etc. I was very peppy and fun-loving. I did not sp ecialize in anything. Dad wanted m e to get m arried in a traditional way, and it was a h o rrib le exp erien ce. So many rejectio n s, and I was convinced that I w asn’t good looking. W hereas my sister didn’t lift a finger or did n’t do anything. For a long tim e I lacked the con fid en ce of my looks, which at that very w onderful age m eans a lot to the girl. So I refused to see boys and get m arried, and I would get b eaten for it. I was forced o n ce to dress up and m eet this Londonretu rned boy who looked like a m onster. It was the most har­ row ing ex p erien ce for me. Another friend o f m ine was forcibly engaged to a ‘lala’ (upstart). So, we would sit and plot a divorce - w e had no idea what m arriage meant. As luck would have it, all th ese p eo p le arrived, and this guy got drunk. My father got very angry. My father could not take it and so, without consulting anyone, he refused the party. Not that he didn’t drink him self, but he never lost control. Next m orning, I rem em ber, he and I cried . W ell, that gave me support, but this traumatic ex p erien ce for six-seven days was so bad (everyon e in our circle had com e to know o f the broken engagem ent) that literally every m orning I w ould die and say that I d o n ’t want to be married. T hen I knew I had to get out, and I went in for my M.A. After that I w ent to work in a boutiqu e in D elhi for Rs. 300/- per

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m onth. I was just so thrilled. I could sell anything to anyone becau se I could talk. This was my biggest asset. So, I made a lot o f friends. I further sought perm ission from my father to carry on working. This lady 1 w orked for started exporting garm ents, and she realized my potential becau se I was very good. She was a very pow erful woman, charm ing and very social. My father, how ever, allow ed m e to work for h er as a daughter and not as an em ployee. W hen I got my first pay I made a sw eater, two pants and a brow n corduroy jacket for my father from the bou tiqu e becau se all his life he never bought things for himself. He was a very earthy man - h e em phasized on food but not on clothes. He was incredibly happy and I felt so proud. Next month I got a coat and a sw eater for my broth er - that was my biggest high. Then on e day I got this call. I co u ld n ’t believe it. I still rem em b er - I was sleeping and I rolled into a cocoon and I shouted ‘D on ’t tell me, don’t tell m e!’ I d o n ’t know how I knew but when the servant cam e and said, ‘Your father ... ’. That was terrib le. I picked up my sister from the hostel, and we w ent to Chandigarh. The shock was so great that I had a streak o f gray hair in on e w eek. Actually when you are rebellin g against your parents, restrictions, etc., you d o n ’t realize the intensity o f love. But w hen he left us I just cracked (Nisha w eeps). Even now it just boggles me. Then, I came back to D elhi to work. My bro th er by then was in the army luckily. My m other becam e like a tiger she faced everything very' bravely. My father didn’t leave us with any financial problem s, but my w ork was a trem endous m oral boost. I argued with my m other and decided not to marry. The only regret I have is that I could not love my father while he was alive. Even till today I feel guilty. If I had known, if I had had the maturity, I w ouldn’t have done so. Now I can handle p eop le who are very strict. Anyway that was sad. I w orked, and I really developed. My m other and bro th er gave m e solid support. My lady boss got very fond o f me - sh e gave m e an im portant position and took m e abroad. She did everything for me. T h ere was no fear in m e anymore. Earlier, I

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never had boyfriends galore - my father’w ouldn’t have tolerated it. But, then, work was very satisfying. After a w hile, my lady boss really turned very selfish, didn’t realize my w orth, didn’t treat me w ell, didn’t increase my salary, and I felt terribly exploited. She was a very clever lady. Every tim e I felt fidgety she would give m e a present and make m e feel im portant, but not give me a raise. She took m e abroad again, but treated m e as a secretary, now, I ’d throw her over. D uring my second trip I wanted to stay for a w eek after the G arm ent Fair in Chicago, and she refused to let m e go. W omen oppress w om en m ore - she certainly is one. When she said no to m e, I resigned. She co u ld n ’t believe it and was in a fit. She didn’t care for m e as she didn’t let m e see the guy my relatives w ere keen on in Chicago - sh e denied m arriage to m e. I co u ld n ’t believe it, all along the p ressu re to get m arried was building up. T h en I got a b etter jo b - slowly I was rising. Most o f my friends had got m arried, but I was in the glam our trade and they w ere proud o f me. My grandfather was fed up o f m e - my rela­ tives w ere planning to marry m e o ff to eith er a divorcee or a w idow er w hen I was only twenty six years old, can you imagine! Anyway, whatever I have b eco m e today is becau se o f the support o f my m other, this lady has got the patien ce and the strength. If our father said everything was w rong, she said everything was right, and we lived up to that. If I cam e hom e late, she never qu estion ed m e, and I never did anything naughty. And then, one guy cam e over from abroad who was going to settle here. He was educated and w ell-placed, but I still said no. My m other exclaim ed , ‘now what is w rong with him ?’ So, w hen I went out for d in n er with him, I told the guy to reject m e instead because I d id n ’t want to marry him. He was a decent guy, and I told him not to co m e back, and he didn’t com e back. My m other till today w onders as to what happened that night. T hen I started my business and had a young man as my partner. I didn’t know who he was, but it was like settling accounts o f som e previous birth. He was the kind who would get

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m e anything from the Himalayas to Kanyakumari, he could talk his way out. We really struggled initially and then settled down, but it never grew because we lacked the know ledge. My partner didn’t care for money, had no regard for it. So th ere was a slight carelessn ess on his part. I felt terribly cheated and wanted to quit becau se th ere was no money. However, within a few years, my partner died, and I had to reorgan ize my life. I m et this person in the m eanw hile whom I decided to marry after four years, and that was the best thing that happened to m e becau se, with him, it w asn’t planned; I w asn’t throw n at him , it was not connived or arranged. T h ere was an instinctive feelin g for a human being. And, no m atter what, I was still lonely. The feeling was so good - it happened, and it was G o d ’s gift. I was w illing to com prom ise. Right w hen we m et I knew it was fated, w hereas he was a ch ron ic bach elor. He did not want any m arriage com m itm ent then, but I told him that o n e day h e ’ll marry m e only. He said OK and w atched it. He went out with o th ers and tried to break, but he cam e to m e everytim e. O ne day he realized it. I knew it would happen, I was so happy. So, w hen I got m arried I had my child im m ediately sin ce I was co n sid ered old then. Sin ce we started late, we had to w ork very hard - bought our house, furniture, etc. I have had no p roblem s with my co n ­ servative in-laws who are from a village. T h eir minds som ehow are very open. I didn’t do anything for my in-laws w hich a co n ­ ventional daughter-in-law would do - for instance, co ok for them , or spend tim e, o r talk to them , etc. They say that as long as th eir son is happy that is what matters. I d o n ’t bitch about them and I d on ’t nag them. I d o n ’t spoil th eir relationship - so, th ere is no con flict there. The only problem in my m arriage is tim e-shortage. The days have b eco m e too short. I am getting am bitious in term s o f my business, and my husband is very hom e loving - likes to have his wife around when he com es back. So, we have fights over such issues. Now I keep trying to explain to him that my jo b is equally

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im portant - it has to be taken seriously. I can’t ask him to take tim e o ff and com e back hom e. Now this is a conflict we are having. M oreover, my husband is getting very possessive o f me - he is a little conservative about how a wife should be. He d o esn ’t resent me working, and what he adm ires about me is my achievem ent. He is very proud. It is very paradoxical. He enjoys my com pany and my conversations. But he is not w illing to give me m ore rope, all the hou sehold matters have to be organized by m e, and my daughter is my responsibility. H e’ll just co m e and point out that this is missing or that is not there. You can ’t make any lapses like not having m angoes at hom e or a broken button. Then I break down, and we have fight. T h ere is only o n e m e and I get divided - part o f it to the factory, part o f it to our daughter, part o f it to the house-running and part o f it to my husband. In the w hole tim e, i.e., twenty-four hours, I d on ’t have any tim e for myself. I am the only human being who d o esn ’t get tim e to read, think or relax. I haven’t read a book in years. I cannot cultivate any hobby - no dancing or h orse riding - no tim e at all. T h ere is a lot o f stress in my life. Lack o f sleep is what I am suffering from . O therw ise my health is OK. But my mental pressure.... w hen I crack up, when I am in a bad mood, then everyone has had it. After which I feel frustrated - why the hell should I do it? My husband very conveniently says to wind up business, but then I can ’t stay at hom e and m ake chapatis. At least in my work I feel very creative. I have an identity now which I d on ’t want to lose. I have threatened to clo se every month. My husband is a difficult male. He com es back hom e and sleeps and is fresh in th e evening to go out, and I am tired after the w hole day’s work. So h e wants to go out for parties, and I am very tired. But I cannot let him go alone becau se it is a risk, and it just might develop into a habit. T h erefo re I go with him, but I am sim ­ m ering inside. I can ’t afford to b e angry with him because then I d o n ’t function well. You depend on the other p erson ’s m ood for your functioning. He wants m e to lose weight and I tell him:

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‘w here is the tim e to take care o f all this?’ Then I go into a crash diet and I get m ore cranky. You know, it is a vicious circle. Finally, in this division no o n e is ever thankful, no o n e appreciates my financial contribution. He very w ell knows that without my handsom e incom e we cannot maintain our standard, but h e is just indifferent. So that hurts m e m ore. Men just do not admit the w ife’s contribution. I find that my friends are all doing very w ell, and they are all interesting company. They are b etter than the m en I m eet. O ne can talk and com m unicate with them w hereas husbands do not like that. They d on ’t want you to m ix up with them. Now that is sad because they have no business to tell you that. So, slowly your friendship starts waning, friends realize that they are not so w elcom e and you, som ehow , lose the m ost valuable part o f your life. A friend who is not a sister, but a person who is everything, with whom you can talk about that which can ’t b e discussed with your husband even. And I am absolutely not w illing to give up my friends! The m inute my husband is on a flight, I go over and spend tim e with them. I’ll take tim e o ff my factory to m eet them , tim e which I w ouldn’t even give to my husband. Well, I do all this subtly. I do not let him know or affect him. I am a very, very low person is term s o f my sexuality. For m e it was a natural culm ination o f our relationship. So 1 w asn’t shy at all. He was a man o f the w orld, and he taught m e everything like a man should. He made m e relax about it. The only thing was that I was a bit conservative about it. Som e stupid mythology in my mind I had that you d o n ’t have sexual relations till you get m arried. Anyway, we had our argum ents about it, and I won. So, when we had it, no stars had broken, no heavens had opened , nothing had happened - it was just a good exp erien ce. I g en ­ erally do not seek sexual ex p erien ce with him even when we are travelling together, holidaying, etc. I like to enjoy m yself w hereas he is very keen on it. He feels the frustration and the lack o f it. Men are m ore dem anding, you know. It is like so m e­ tim es I don’t want to go to a party, but I have to. And so is the

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case with the sexual union. This creates a lot o f turm oil and fric­ tion, I think. His o ther tem pers w on’t com e out if I would have m ore sexual contact with him. I am just too tired. I am not denying but, you see, I d o n ’t feel like it, and everytim e we have an argum ent. But basically I should make an effort because I am not averse to a man. It is just that I expend m ore energy doing all those o ther things. Since I started late in life, maybe certain parts in m e haven’t developed. My husband is perpetually teasing me to take m e to a sexologist (sh e laughs heartily). I get so offended but then he says that he cannot rape me. So, he takes m e for these trips w here it is m ore congenial. He is absolutely g en tle and kind, but I still refuse. W ell, it still d o esn ’t break our relationship. O f cou rse, he drinks because he enjoys it, but m aybe subconsciously this is affecting him. In m arriage th ere is no freedom . It has its very good points in term s o f com panionship - we love to be together, that is tre ­ m endous. The feelin g o f a unit is very important. To make life g oo d for o th ers makes my life m ore meaningful. So, sharing and earn in g for my family feels great. The only thing I wish is that my husband was not so Indian in thought, that he would make adjustm ents, be a little broad-m inded and accept that w ork can b e a serious thing for a woman, then we w ouldn’t have the p roblem s that we are having. Today w om en are becom in g very aggressive. They tell the m an ‘who are you to tell m e!’ But in m arriage a woman has to tow the man’s line. My friends are putting up with h o rrib le m en ju st because m arriage is som ething too sacred to break. They have gone through so much traum atic ex p erien ce that they have b e co m e zom bies, th eir p ersonalities have changed, they have b e co m e withdrawn and introvert. They are hurt, but they’ll not b rea k their m arriage becau se o f the children. It takes a lot o f guts to break the m arriage especially for the w om en. In the end I would like to say that I am not religious in terms o f practising. But in case o f a situation I can ’t cop e with, I do pray. When no human being can help me, then I pray. And it

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w orks.”

Suman : Father’s Favourite an d Coming o f Age Suman is in her late fifties and has received her Master’s D egree from F.C. C ollege, Lahore. She is a widow and lives by h erse lf in a posh colony in D elhi. She belongs to an upper caste and upper class background. “W hen I was born, I was a very big child it seem s. T h ere was a very tall lady d octor who cam e to deliver. W hen I was d eli­ vered my father was so happy that a daughter is born. Why he was happy I do not know because he had boys and girls. Within a few days, he was m ade a gazetted o fficer from I.P.S. officer. So he thought I was very lucky for him. Som ehow , I d o n ’t know why he thought that I could be his secretary in old age. He brought m e up with, in mind, that you must train this child as a secretary for him. I was dressed up as a boy and I was told tim e and again ‘my daughter is not going to get m arried .’ It was ingrained into my brain that I was not going to get m arried. I must have b een eight o r nine years old then. Then slowly, slowly he started dom ineering m e in the sense o f my dress. He would cut my saltvar (tro u sers) very close pahunchas (cu ffs) and tight pajam as. I was left in the hostel w hen I was very small. He w ould not only give me funny clothes to w ear, like a boy’s collar - now it’s a fashion but then girls thought that I was being made a good fool of. Som ehow , I respected him and did everything he said. It was a devotion that tantamounts to w orship. My other sister would refuse to w ear such clothes. If I went hom e for a holiday, he would get up in the m orning and wake me up, too, to have a cup o f tea together. He gave m e so much company. We both ch erish ed each o ther; that clo sen ess o f relationship developed at that tim e. Nobody would go to his room excep t myself becau se they went and fidgeted with things. W hereas if I used his things I would keep them back w here he wanted and so 1 was perm itted. I think I was given a preferential treatm ent com pared to my o th er b ro th ers and sis­

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ters. I was the fifth child. I d on ’t know why he pinned me down to this. So I also got averse psychologically to marriage. My uncle w anted me to get m arried, w hereas my father would give appli­ cation for higher education. I w ent to F.C. C ollege in Lahore - a co-ed. co lleg e and got my m aster’s degree much against his wishes. He w ouldn’t feel secu re my going to a co-ed., but he perm itted with a tongawala watching on me the w hole day. He was paid Rupees thirty extra to b e in F.C. C ollege to see that nothing happens. I am very grateful that he gave me the best education. So I didn’t want to get m arried and I took up a job in Jullundhur. Th ere it was a co lleg e w hich didn’t deserve to b e called a co lleg e - the prin­ cipal was educated only up to the eighth class. T h ere was sand all over, and the girls w ere abused all th e time. T h ere was no garden. I am sorry to say but th ere was a lot o f lesbianism going on. O h, it was terrible! I had to go with a torch at night to see w here it was. So I told the Principal that I wanted a job in the hostel. With the help o f the girls I im proved the condition o f the co lleg e - th ere was no library, no new spapers, no games, etc. But the flag used to go up everyday. O ne day our co lleg e was inspected, then the Com m ission cam e and recognized the Kanya Mahavidyalaya, Jullundur. O ur co lleg e cam e up, but this woman felt that I would take h er place. I had no intention o f that though. Then I went hom e for holidays. This is a very strange phenom enon. We w ere going for a walk - I cannot explain it by any rational basis. T h ere was a man who was an astrologer-cum -a forest officer, and he was walking on the road. He looked at me and asked my father ‘Is she your daughter?’ So prom pt cam e his reaction, ‘she is going tom orrow , d o n ’t send her; sh e’ll com e back.’ My father got very annoyed. He felt very insecure. He cam e hom e and wanted to teach him a lesson. It happened so that, w hen I went back, the letter was th ere offering me the Principalship o f the college. The Principal said that I should resign and leave, but I questioned it. It had b een my life-long d esire to teach, and I thought it (leaving) would ruin my career. So, I res­

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igned and cam e back hom e. My father saw som e truth in that forest o fficer’s forecast. My father got my jan am patri (b irth -ch art) made and life forecast. His forecast was that I would get m arried the sam e year, that I will drive my own car at twenty-eight years and build my own house in D elhi. All that has com e co rrect, but it brok e my father’s heart. M eanwhile, my sister-in-law was always fighting with my b ro th er over m e, my studying, etc. O n ce I got fed up. Twice she was left at h er place, but, then again, th ere was the pressure. So I thought it was better to get m arried and get out. That was the m ajor d ecision o f my life although it was done under duress. I was com pelled. What happened was that my father never saw the boy, and the boy never saw me. He just looked at m e and wanted to get engaged. Then w e got m arried. I was twenty-four years old then, but totally stupid and p rotected by my father. I didn’t know that my husband was a w idow er - his w ife died in an operation. I w ouldn’t have known the com plications o f m arrying a man w ho is already m arried till I got m arried. Now this is very pertinent. I realized that a man who has b een m arried b efo re will have a few peculiarities, inhibitions and relationships w hich I w ill have to either break or make for the sm ooth running o f the house. So, initially it was very difficult. Gradually what happens with the in-laws is that they start talking about dowry. But my husband stood by m e and stopped them from com m enting. Anyhow, I was not even allow ed to have an egg w hich I would usually have stealthily. I felt awkward being m arried into such a house. O nce my husband was going to take me out for tea sin ce they w ould have only m ilk at hom e and I was used to my father having tea with me. He was to take m e to Standard Hotel. Actually, I think, w om en are the worst en em ies o f w om en. That is my exp erien ce. Men are not so bigoted, they are not so narrow -m inded. By the tim e I cam e, th ere was a crowd o f w om en down by my house. They had b een co llected by my sister-in-law saying, *an

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ed ucated bhabi (sister-in-law ) has com e, and my b ro th er has b e co m e a tool in her hand. He is taking h er out for tea.’ That put m e o ff for a m inute. I went up and told my husband to call his sister. I said, ‘Look if you want to com e to your b ro th er’s house, w ell, you leave m e alone. W here I go, what I eat, it is my co n cern and you will not co llect a crowd. If you do so, you w on’t com e h e r e .’ Anyhow, that did not go down h er throat at first. T h en h er husband was anti-girls. When my second child, a girl, was born, he looked at h er and said, ‘The astrologer has said sh e w ouldn’t live lon g.’ My son already had fever. I w on­ d ered why should anyone say that to my child. Let those w ho say th eir children should die, not my daughter. But my husband was also an old-tim er. He said, ‘Please keep your daughter qu iet as our so n has fever - she is not letting him sleep .’ I picked h er up and w ent to the courtyard o f th e house, sat th ere the w hole night. He would call m e in, but I refused to go in and I told him that I didn’t want anyone to criticize my daughter - she is just bo rn , she has to cry. So this p h obia o f girl and boy was there. But gradually he learnt to appreciate the daughter though I had to struggle. 1 brought up my sons and daughter in an equal m anner. In fact, I gave m ore attention (in th e sense psychologically) to my daughter as others in my in-law s’ house neglected her. I left my ch ild ren to make the ch o ice regarding th eir career. Educationand food-w ise we gave attention to our children but not clotheswise. However, it never o ccu rred to me that boys would earn o r raise a family for my husband’s lineage or look after me in old age till such tim e as my third child, a son, was born. My husband said ‘how could the cart go on o n e w h eel.’ To me the value o f a son was in term s o f security. You see, men are m ore fre e to move around, even late at night. If rob bers com e they can take care, but a daughter can ’t go out alone at night and fight them . Anyway, I was attached to all my th ree children. But losing my first child gave me a shock. He gave m e a shaking. I thought nothing was certain in this life. For twenty-

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eight years you rear a child and then he goes suddenly. (Sum an w eeps.) You know, after my husband died, things changed. As long as he was th ere I didn’t care w here my secon d son and his wife stayed, what they did o r w here they went. My daughter-inlaw wanted to live independently, so they moved out. But life has lost its purpose in the sense that you do so m uch for your children and all you want in return is the affection, som ebody wanting you. I can ask my fifty relatives, and they will co m e running here. But I hesitate to ask them becau se my son is in Delhi. I d on ’t feel like asking them as it would belittle me. Maybe now it has com e out that I wanted and exp ected my son to cushion his life around me. * A few years back my husband died on my m arriage anniver­ sary. Im m ediately I felt lonely. It shook me, but I did not scream o r shout. I took it calmly. You see, our age d ifferen ce was sixteen years, but I didn’t feel the difference. I co u ld n ’t have m arried a younger man because I was brought up by my father in a very steady way o f life. I cou ld n ’t marry a young boy w ho was im mature. I was very happy despite the ag e d ifferen ce except that when the children wanted to go out for a picnic h e w ouldn’t want to go. O therw ise, I was very com fortable and w ell looked after. So, when he expired, my son cam e and wanted to move in with me. But I said, ‘Leave me alone to see w h ere I stand in life, w hether I can take you back after eight years becau se you and I might have changed. So, let m e settle down first b efo re I can take you in .’ I stayed alone. Initially, my neighbours looked after me very well. They didn’t leave me alone. Perhaps if they had left m e alon e I w ould have been shaken and probably would have called my son. But that would have b een my ruin becau se the w hole day it w ould have b een, ‘T eri maan ne yeh kaha and teri behn ne yeh kaha’ (Your m other said this and your sister said that). Now I am in d e­ pendent and I am enjoying it in the sen se that th e re is no o n e to stop me from doing anything. However, the first th ree years o f widowhood w ere a little difficult in the sen se that I felt em p ­

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tiness in my life, eating alone, etc. My n eigh bo u r’s children slept with m e - which helped me - so tim e didn’t hang on me. I enjoyed playing the fool with them. I felt a little lo n elier when my neighbours w ere posted out, but by then I had stabilized. Now I d o n ’t want even a paying guest. Now I am a free bird. I can do w hatever I like at hom e. Now it is that I miss my husband, but I still m iss my father m ore. I have lost sentim ents as such. I have b eco m e detached from the world. T o m e, now, children are ch ild ren , they are not my child ren o r anybody’s children. They give m e as much pleasure as my own child gives. Now I d on ’t exp ect anybody to do any­ thing fo r m e, and I d on ’t think som ebody is nice o r som ebody is alien. S ee, all this agony starts with m arriage - my husband, my child, etc. If you d o n ’t get m arried, then everything is yours. I have been a religious person from the very beginning becau se when my husband was saying that he wanted a boy, wanted a boy and wanted a boy - at the tim e I got m arried I did n’t know who was resp on sible for sex-determ ination - so, I was really scared that I would be thrown out o f the house if I got a girl. At that tim e I had my first spiritual ex p erien ce - how I had it I cannot explain. I saw Baba Nanak com ing on a w hite horse, and I did n’t even at that tim e know Baba Nanak as such because I was in a Christian C ollege and a Hindu. I knew Mary and Jesus. Baba Nanak cam e to me and asked about my worry and said that I would have a son. Though when I asked about my so n ’s age, he disappeared. I told my husband about this vision, and my husband stopped m e from repeating it. O therw ise, it w on’t com e true. It is many tim es that my Baba has always saved me. For exam ple, when my son took thirty-three sleepin g tablets. I didn’t know about it. He cam e hom e and slept in the verandah. He said he w asn’t feeling well. At night I was shaken up from my sleep. I was told by som ebody to go and look after my son. I w ent out and saw my son breathing very hard - I thought th ere was a blockage. I woke up my husband, who refused to tend to him at night. Again I heard so m eo n e saying to go and

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help my son. So w hen I w ent out again I saw that his eyes w ere fixed, no breath com ing, no pulse, and his body m ovem ents w ere gone. I went in and said to my husband, ‘your son is dying, will you get up now?’ He w ouldn’t believe me. He stood next to the pillar and was im m obilized. Then I took my son to Safdarjang Hospital. In the intensive care they gave him a stom ach wash. I w ent to his hostel room . T here was no letter but a b o ttle of pills was found outside his boundary wall. D octors said that he was not responding to the electric shock even. I co u ld n ’t believe that he was dying. For forty-eight hours he was in the Intensive Care Unit. Then, I went to call my daughter from th e hostel, and th ere I b ro k e down and cried. W hen my daughter cam e back with m e, she w ent in and my so n becam e conscious. I think it-was the result o f my prayer. Now I tell my daughter not to bring m e back to the w orldly reality by caring and loving m e though I am grateful to her. Today a m odern girl is growing up in sh eer neglect. T h eir parents d o n ’t know w here they are, child ren could n ’t care w here th eir m others are. Even the m others are loafing around in the clu bs and o th er places. The way we stayed at hom e for ou r children, they are not doing that. T he m odern girl is trying to find a life o f her own without encum brances, but she is not able to b e stable becau se o f h er upbringing. Very few girls today have the values o f life and the basic character. Fifty p er cen t o f w om en are having extra-m arital relationships. A m odern girl, I am sorry to say, is not even sin cere to h er husband. Why? B ecau se sh e thinks m en are also in sin cere. Earlier, w om en didn’t have a chance. Today w om en want to beat a man down. They a re frus­ trated and they want to go very fast in life and break all th e b ar­ riers. H ere, I think, I am very proud o f my daughter, w ho is doing h er duty by looking after her in-laws so w ell even if they didn’t feel clo se to each other early in life. I didn’t know anything about m enstruation even though my father left a bo ok in our room to read. In the hostel o n e day, I felt as if I had a boil and stopped playing. Gradually I cam e to

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know. W hen I got m arried I didn’t know anything about menw om en relationship. He forced it, and I thought he was the c ru d e s t man on earth and I said, ‘if I knew this was all m arriage was about I w on’t have got m arried.’ Then he got m e encyc­ lopedias, and I discovered that it was norm al life, that it hap­ pens. After that it was sm ooth sailing. Then I didn’t have inhib­ itions. Initially, though, I did not enjoy it becau se th ere was always a fear o f getting pregnant. It was never a craving, and I never used any contraceptives. We met very rarely becau se he was sixteen years old er than m e - o n ce in a m onth o r twice a month. I didn’t want him to b eco m e weak. The d esire was to b e with him, talk and discuss with him. It is discontentm ent that is creating problem s in the world. Today w om en are not happy with what they get, they want m ore and m ore and m ore. Earlier, w om en w ere strong physically, they w ould have th irteen children, work, etc. M odern age d oesn ’t know w here the end is. C ribbing is much m ore am ongst wom en today. Children want freedom from all norm s and they can ’t take criticism . T h erefore, they are not developing. The groom ing is n ot there. Boys have to b e checked. Uneducated children are still looking after th eir parents rather than the educated ones. T h e p roblem is that life has b eco m e fast. Demands are m ore and grow ing. M odern girl has b eco m e sex-centred and she wants to attract attention. We are trying to b e w esternized, and therein lies o u r p ro b lem .” Although we have based our observations about w om en’s situations on conversations with two hundred w om en from dif­ feren t backgrounds, the stories presented in chapters five, six and seven contain the m ajor them es o f our exploration. We are looking at how w om en ex p erien ce th eir lives in term s o f their family, education, occupation, class, religion and sexuality and at the m eaning they assign to th eir exp eriential reality. O ur co n ­ versations with them have d eepened ou r conviction that the sub­ jective dim ension o f w om en’s status helps us to tap significant aspects o f th eir total reality. The fact that th eir self-perception

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does not always corresp on d with their objective position tells us a lot. The interviews clearly indicate that what appears oppressive in w om en’s lives are the upheavals, anxieties, irrita­ tions, relationships, deprivations, brutishness, death, tears, the unexpected, the forbidden, the m ysterious, jealou sies, betrayals, tyrannies, acrim oniousness, aggressive outbursts, grim aces and the lugubrious. T hese ex p erien ces are what tend to colou r th eir situations. What we have recorded in our study is how our in ter­ view ees felt about th eir ex p erien ce at the tim e o f the interview s. However, if we follow the track o f interviews closely, we observe that the exp erien tial categories o f high and low should not b e conceived as two separate, sharply counter-posed pigeon h o les, but as the polar ends o f a continuum . Many o f our protagonists move from o n e end to the other during th eir life-tim es. Thus Nisha, for instance, treads a path from an exp erien tially low status to a higher status, w hereas Suman, in the twilight o f h er life, is located from a higher to a low er status. We also d iscern , how ever feebly, that the process o f acquiring an exp erien tially high status from a low status is intim ately co n n ected with th e form ation o f a w om an’s personal identity. This, in turn, is clo sely associated with h er professional perform ance. (Also see in ter­ views in Chapters six and seven)

The Discrepant Worlds: Income In classifying w om en by incom e groups, we co n sid ered h er family incom e rather than only h er personal earnings. We decided to do so sin ce individual earnings do not take into account capital-generated incom e, social security ben efits, legacies, fringe-benefits, etc. We are aware that the consum ption patterns, housing, life-style and family size are relevant w hen assessing family incom e. However, our su bjects hesitated to reveal th eir co rre ct family incom e and provide a detailed account o f the sou rces o f incom e. Stability o f incom e, how ever, becam e as im portant as the amount. Incom e, we find, is not a

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unifying factor. In fact, the h eterogeneity that exists among various incom e groups also existed w ithin the sam e incom e category. Four per cent o f wom en exp erien cin g high status (WEHS) b elo n g ed to the m iddle class; 4.5 per cen t to the upper m iddle class; and 1.5 per cen t to the upper class in com e category. The follow ing case illustrates the incongruity betw een a woman having a low incom e and a high status ex p erien ce. She resides in Safdarjang D evelopm ent Area (se e case no. seven). She is upper caste, lives in a joint family and has two children. She is twentyseven years old, m arried and educated up to the higher seco n ­ dary. Sh e is a housew ife, and the family incom e is Rs. 900 per m onth. She perform s all the household duties including cooking, cleaning, washing, serving, etc. Sh e participates in the decision-m aking process in term s o f household expenditures on food, health, clothing, education, social cerem o n ies, etc. W ithout seeking her husband’s perm ission she cannot move out o f h er house. Traditional in outlook, sh e is very supportive towards th e family. As her daughter grows up, m ore restrictions are going to b e im posed on her than her son. Even though she feels that h er husband and m other-in-law forced their values and life-style on h er and that she is facing severe eco n om ic co n ­ straints, sh e nevertheless expresses the feeling o f having a high status. On the other hand, we cam e across a num ber o f women who belon ged to the upper class in com e category but who ex p erien ced a low status. To gather exam ples o f this, let us peep into the lives o f two women. The first is sixty years old (Case No. 199) and belongs to an upper caste, joint family in West End. She is illiterate, m arried and has two children. She is a housew ife who supervises the servants as they do the housew ork. She and her husband generally decide together on household matters. Traditional in outlook and quite feeble, sh e enjoys freedom o f m ovem ent, but ch ooses not to go out. The husband and in-laws, especially the m other-in-law, have been very dominating. The

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m ajor problem s she faces relate to health, security, and econ om ic constraints, the latter despite h er w ell-to-do family background. The o th er exam ple is that o f a Sikh w oman living in Hauz Khas (Case No. 3 5). She is fifty-one years old, a graduate and a housew ife w hose two ch ild ren are living independently. At present she lives with h er husband alone. Most o f h er housew ork is done by servants, and she and h er husband sh are household decisions. She is quite liberal in h er outlook towards life and has a w esternized life-style. She enjoys freedom o f m ovem ent and has raised h er son and daughter on an equal footing. However, she feels that w om en oppress men and o th er w omen. She dom inates h er husband with whom she has a very unsatisfactory relationship sexually and em otionally. All in all, she exp erien ces having a low status despite h er stylish, w ell-todo background. In h er youth, she was a beautiful woman w ho felt she had an unim pressive husband and was never allow ed to work. She was strongly against arranged m arriages and dem anded personal space and tim e. W om en like these show us that th ere can indeed exist a discrepancy betw een the objectiv e and subjective dim ensions o f a w om an’s exp erien ce. D espite the overall h eterogeneity in each incom e group, w om en in a given group share certain g en eral traits. W om en in the low er incom e bracket are m ore pragm atic and this-w orldly oriented. W ork com m itm ent is not very strong even though s e c ­ urity and stability rem ain th eir predom inant concerns. They adopt traditional life-styles and are p reoccu p ied with m odes o f cultural activities, family and religious interests. W omen in th e m iddle in com e bracket are the most co erced as they co m e u nder heavy internal and external social pressures to maintain th eir standards. They worry about th eir ch ild ren ’s educational and occupational su ccess as w ell as th eir social respectability and eco n om ic advancem ent to the point o f obsession. W om en from the upper incom e category, how ever, are m arked by em o tion al crises, conspicuous consum ption and leisure.

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They are the m ost active socially and exh ibit social skills o f a sort. C onscious o f th eir family status, they have certain cultural p referen ces. Not quite averse to w esternization, they have sophistication in sp eech and, at tim es, place social work as their perip h eral priority. Ironically enough, o f all the w om en in ter­ view ed it w ere the w ealthiest w ho com plained the most about their financial situation. W om en from the low er class had, to varying degrees, accepted their level o f eco n om ic w ell-being.

Occupation Eight per cen t o f WEHS are housew ives and two per cen t are em ployed. Among WELS, on the other hand, 55.5 per cen t are housew ives, 22 per cent em ployed, 2.5 p er cent unem ployed, 5 p er cen t unpaid w orkers and 5 p er cent are students. Wife/mother and career are the two basic roles available to w om en. Though it often g en erates conflict in term s o f activities and capacities, many w om en participate in both the private and the pu blic realm but at different tim es in their lives; others ch o o se one o f the two roles and stick to it throughout, w hile yet o th ers try to com bine both options. The social and psychological co n seq u en ces o f the latter are inevitable and ubiquitous, creatin g both practical problem s and em otional com plexities. Many social scientists have focused their research on the per­ sonal dilem m as o f working w om en. In our study, we em phasize that n o single role, b e it wife/mother o r em ployed/career w om en, is p er se eith er debilitating or intrinsically exciting, val­ uable o r frustrating, fulfilling o r boring, enriching o r a waste o f time. Changes in the fem ale ro le tend to be viewed as an o p p o r­ tunity for flexibility and growth, and not m erely a cause o f co n ­ fusion, stress and am bivalence. Yet, it i$ really w om en’s su b jec­ tivity that determ ines to a large extent how they perceive their occupational roles. This explains why we find num erous cases o f housew ives and em ployed w om en who express satisfaction with their roles w hereas many others, b e they housew ives o r career w om en, feel utterly dissatisfied and think the grass grows

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g reen er on the o th er side. We observed that w om en develop a sense o f identity and authority according to the nature o f th eir occupation. For instance, a housew ife derives pow er from a different so u rce than, say, a d octor (s e e the cases o f Sum an in this chapter and o f Vaishali in chapter seven). In both cases, how ever, th eir social network plays a crucial ro le in th eir survival and their ability to maintain th eir pow er structures. W om en’s job s in India usually go undetected and u n reco g ­ nized, yet they sustain the household econ om y and con tribu te to the profit, leisu re and the higher standards o f living enjoyed by the m en and o th er family m em bers. This d o esn ’t necessarily mean that w om en achieve eco n om ic and social con trol over their lives, sin ce they may not have a claim over their earnings nor does w orking afford them a sen se o f personal space and time. Research has generally indicated that many women w ork out o f eco n om ic necessity even though it has b een argued that w om en’s eco n om ic subjugation o r d ep en d en ce results in th eir exploitation, that the developm ent o f society requ ires full p ar­ ticipation by all section s o f the population and that m odern tim es have provided w om en with opportu nities for developing th eir potentialities. Many w om en, we find, stop working tem ­ porarily w hen household resp on sibilities such as child-bearing or tending the sick b eco m e too difficult to co-ordinate with w ork requ irem ents and expectations. In an effort to m inim ize the friction betw een hom e and work, others opt for part-tim e o r hom e-based jobs. W hen asked about the m eaning o f work, respondents associate work with self-esteem , accom plishm ent and econ om ic ind ep en d en ce on the o n e hand, and crisis, strain and disharm ony on the other. W orking w om en often com plain about inadequate rem u neration, boring w ork, high pressu re, environm ental hazards, transport p roblem s o r the com m uting syndrom e, pollution, safety/security, etc., w hile many h o u se­ wives express an urge to w ork despite cultural constraints.

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G enerally speaking, our su bjects give one o r several o f the follow in g reasons to seek w ork outside the hom e: eco n om ic n ecessity - supplem entary family incom e o r so le in com e in a fem ale-headed household - or bored om - search for fulfillm ent and escape-m echanism . Although w om en derive job satisfaction and feel their eco n om ic status enhanced when they work out o f ch o ic e , the intrinsic value o f a jo b or career is still far from being an ideology.

Professional Women W hile professional w om en en joy holding prestigious and w ellpaid jobs in the market, they find it extrem ely hard to manage sim ultaneously career and family. G enerally speaking, they end up feelin g guilty for eith er neglecting their hom e and family or not doing justice to th eir professional work. As one o f the w om en rem arked, “We have no ch o ice but to live with our divided and fragm ented self.” Professional w om en also speak o f in visible barriers, discrim ination and cultural constraints p re­ venting them from reaching top positions. Som e o f the p ro fes­ sional wom en m iss their footing and feel that their labour has b ee n in vain sin ce they have had to give up work in ord er to p re­ serve their fam ilies. It is useful at this point to refer to co n crete cases for co n fir­ m ation o f our thesis. Please note the gain and loss o f status at both the internal and external levels as well as the discrepancy betw een objective and subjective perceptions. Case No. 196 is sixty years old, m arried, has o n e son and lives at West End in aw ell-to-do, upper-caste, nuclear family. Her husband travels quite often so most o f the tim e she is alone with her b ach elo r son. She is a d octor and had w orked in the early part o f h er life. But sh e recalls feeling oppressed by other w om en colleagues and d epressed by the com petition amongst her colleagues. She enjoys all the freedom and facilities at hom e. What she regrets most is that she had to sacrifice her practice becau se her husband dem anded she focus her tim e and support on the

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family. To preserve h er family, she rem arks, ‘I have had to pay a very heavy price, but I have ended up b ein g a frustrated h ou se­ w ife.’ We have a sim ilar case, that o f a lawyer currently w orking solely as a housew ife. (Case No. 143). She is thirty years old, belongs to an upper-caste, nuclear family and resid es in Safdarjang D evelopm ent Area. She is m arried and the m other o f two children. The family incom e is Rs. 2000 per m onth, and th ere is one servant to help with the household work. Although h er husband has granted h er freedom o f m ovem ent, she is not allow ed to practice her profession. As in the previous exam ple, it is for the sake o f the children and the family that she is not perm itted to work. As a result, she regards h er husband as very possessive and feels he has suppressed h er professional growth. Finally, let us look at the exam ple o f a thirty-two year old , m arried woman (Case No. 113). She belongs to an upper-caste, nuclear family and resides in Usha Niketan. Her family incom e is Rs. 1900 per month. Form erly she was an Indian adm inistrative officer, but she currently works as a social w orker. She had an inter-caste m arriage and has no children - in fact, she reco m ­ mends not having children. She describes what she sees as an invisible barrier preventing professional w om en from attaining prom otions and clim bing up the hierarchy. D issatisfied with h er form er job, she chose to becom e involved in developm ental work in the rural areas. Even though the men and w om en in h er family do nothing to oppress her, still she ex p erien ces a low status. Among the professional women we spoke to, there w ere those who had defied the odds and reached top positions. Som e o f these proved victims o f the Q ueen B ee Syndrome, i.e., they make su re that no other woman manages to reach th eir position. It is probably the ‘sam eness’ o f another woman which th ese Q u een B ees find threatening, and they react with professional jealousy. Teachers, doctors, artists, lawyers, bureaucrats, w riters and journalists in our sam ple em phasize the im portance o f inter-per­

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sonal relationships and the social organization o f their w ork­ place. The personal sponsorship system was at tim es instru­ m ental in th eir having access to rewards, benefits and new job opportunities, prom otions and status enhancem ents.

Clerks Case No. 197 is thirty years old and lives in a joint family in Safdarjang D evelopm ent Area. She is m arried and has com pleted her Higher Secondary education. She hails from an upper-caste family o f seven m em bers. The household includes, in addition to h erse lf and her husband, her m other-in-law , sister-in-law and brother-in-law as w ell as their two children. The family incom e is Rs. 1300 p er month. Her m other-in-law and sister-in-law take care o f most o f the household work, though she occasionally helps. A clerk, she seem s quite perturbed over her b o ss’s behaviour. G enerally, she feels, that many o f her colleagues and fellow-typists are at the m ercy o f their bosses. At hom e she resents the fact that her husband dom inates h er even though she in fact earns m ore than he. W omen clerical w orkers mostly com plain that their w ork is o f a tem porary nature, they earn low wages, their jo b is pure drudgery, and they enjoy but minimal contact with co-w orkers. For som e o f them th eir relationship with their boss is a constant sou rce o f strain. They resent having to provide non-m aterial rewards such as creating a sense o f em otional intim acy or boosting the b o ss’s ego.

Part-time or Home-based Workers The situation for part-tim e w orkers is rather grim. These w om en lament that they are deprived o f em ployee benefits and are at the m ercy o f th eir em ployers. They also lack any opportunity for additional training o r prom otions and cannot con ceive of receiving pensions after retirem ent. A case in point: A thirty year old w om an (Case No. 4 0 ), m arried, educated up to Higher

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Secondary, and belon gs to an upper-caste, nu clear family in R.K. Puram. She has two ch ild ren , and her family incom e is Rs. 1400 per month. The burden o f the household activities falls totally on her, a fact w hich goes unappreciated. Her husband, in fact, does not even regularly con tribu te his salary to the functioning o f the household. T o make ends m eet, she w orks part-tim e in an export firm and brings hom e em broidery work. The only outing she is allow ed is to co llect and deliver dress m aterial. O th er­ wise, she is con fin ed to h er house. With tears in h er eyes, she wails about h er financial situation, her unequal rights, h er hus­ band’s in d ifference and the tem porary nature o f h er work. To exacerbate m atters, h er jo b provides no em ployee ben efits o r health insurance, and this, she says, makes h er feel very insecure.

Migrant Labour and Agricultural Workers The banjarans (gypsy w om en) on D elh i’s pavem ents attract everyone’s attention. A woman in h er m id-tw enties, h er face glowing like burnt copper, Reshma w elcom es me to the gypsy camp. She* sits on a cot nursing her youngest son w hile four others scam per about. Reshma is one o f the banjarans from Rajasthan who now live like sedentary m igrants in Dakshinpuri, a resettlem en t colony in D elhi. Many o thers keep moving around D elhi in search o f work. A typical household consists o f a pavem ent plot dem arcated by low mud walls and, w ithin it, a caravan covered with canvas. O ne co rn e r is taken up by a brick-kiln with cin d er and ash. Nearby lie a pot, a kettle, an urn and a chafing dish. Firew ood o r coal is stored in another nook. Iron fillings and tools are scat­ tered everyw here. C lose to the w heel a w oman kindles the fire, while a man m oulds tools. C hildren hover around, and w eath er­ beaten family m em bers relax, puffing away on their hukkas. The open boud oir, accum ulating dust, is in full view to all passers-by. H ere w om en show off th eir dresses, tem porarily rem oved from the fam ily’s single trunk. Sitting in th eir m idsts,

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o n e can’t help but adm ire the convenience o f their m ul­ tipurpose habitat, at o n ce living and working space. Usually, th ere is no vegetation around these open hom es. They generally keep a dom esticated cow, buffalo or goat as w ell as cocks and hens which share the area with sparrows, swallows and pigeons. The air is filled with harsh crow-caws, cooing, lulling and m ooing in tersp ersed with the gypsy yo-hos and shouts. Their tanned faces display tatooes.in beautiful designs. They poin t to th eir silver jew ellery, their tightly braided hair and a g old en tooth - all beauty-enhancers, they say. Then o n e woman, Lata begins to recoun t her daily life, “I wake up like a lark at four in the morning. After gulping a cup o f tea, I assist my husband. We resum e our w ork after breakfast and by eleven o ’clo ck I take a break. Then I go to purchase food and co ok the main meal, w hich we have by th ree in the afternoon. M eanwhile, I also wash and bathe the children. O ff and on we qu arrel with our neighbours, but I never sever my relationship with them . By sunset we finish doing our work and gather around our firep lace . for a bite and som e family chit-chat. Som etim es the men sit sep a­ rately to drink, especially w hen th ere is a guest. By eight o ’clo ck I call it a day and put the ch ild ren to sleep. In sum m er, our work is not so good so I get tim e to make m attresses and quilts. Som e­ tim es I go to see films and never miss Amitabh’s.” Living in the open exp oses the banjarans to the vagaries o f seasonal changes. Spring and autumn mark the parting and re ­ union of family groups in addition to births, m arriages and deaths which bring th eir kindred together over long distances. An annual visit to the Vaishno Devi tem ple is a religious im pera­ tive. O ne o f them explains the im portance o f the yearly pil­ grimage: “We go th ere to cast away evil influences and sickness that overcom es us. It also brings us econ om ic prosperity. Then, som etim es we pray for a baby boy o r a baby g irl.” At every full m oon they perform cerem o n ies and offerings. T h eir b e lie f in m agic, the evil eye and pilgrim ages sym bolizes the ban jaran s’ religious quest.

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W hen speaking o f child-bearing, banjaran w om en treat th eir deliveries very casually u nlike th eir urban counter-parts who need intensive and extensive preparation. But ban jaran wom en, as Lata indicates, do not m erely b ear and rear ch ild ren . Besides cooking, cleaning and washing, they fetch w ater from nearby taps and actively co n trib u te to the family incom e. C on­ stantly co-operating with th eir blacksm ith husbands, they fan the fire w hile the m en m ould the red hot iron into spades, h oes and rakes. Previously th ese w om en served as a link betw een the household and the m arket, w hich they som etim es walked up to ten m iles to reach. Now th eir w orkload has decreased as cu s­ tom ers approach them directly on the pavements. They earn thirty to forty rupees a day and seldom take a Sunday off. They do not invest m oney in education. Reshma says: “C hildren’s ed u ­ cation does not b o th er m e as studies do not interest them . M oreover, w hen we can pass ou r skills and know ledge directly on to them , and th ese en ab le them to enjoy life, then why should they waste their tim e and our m oney on education?” G irls are m arried in th eir teen s and the banjarans usually follow the b rid e-p rice custom , although girls may also b e given a dowry. Many o f these w om en go through an invidious situation sin ce the m en, having saved som e m oney and jew ellery, tend to pick up a young girl and remarry. Reshma was unhappily caught in such a situation. Her husband was threatening to rem arry so, to show h er displeasure, Reshma left him for a few months. Eventually, she had to return to him for the sake o f th eir ch il­ dren, but, in the m eantim e, she su cceed ed in dissuading him from taking such a step by involving o th er family m em bers. Had Reshma had no ch ild ren , sh e h erse lf w ould have stood an equal chance o f rem arrying. The banjarans we spoke to exu de a sen se o f freedom , pow er and pride. They probably derive th eir strength from th eir proxim ity to nature. Nature, too, seem s to legitim ize th eir uniqueness in term s o f social and environm ental m orae. T h eir physical proxim ity dem ands fidelity, cohesiveness and recip ­

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rocity within th eir recognized social unit. Till today, the open caves in w hich these sedentary and m igratory gypsies live have p reserv ed the exotic character o f their lives. They refuse to occu p y the houses allotted to them in Dakshinpuri. Although urban influ ences are eroding th eir life-styles to som e extent, th ese w om en hand down the generations-old legacy o f sharing to th e next generation. They ch o ose to w ander and live o n the roadsides, and no place seem s to quench their wanderlust.

Agricultural Workers C onstruction and agricultural w om en w orkers in and around D elhi gen erally com plain o f the seasonal nature o f th eir work. T h ese w om en d escribe th eir work as very taxing physically. M oreover, th eir ill-health prevent them from w orking co n sis­ tently. W orking conditions are p oor and wages low. At hom e, they perform all household tasks. Though they grum ble about th eir lot in life, they com e across as quite aggressive and strong. They deny sexual favours to irresp on sib le husbands who get drunk and beat them up. An agricultural labourer lives in a hut at Chattarpur, near M ehrauli (C ase No. 7 4 ); she is thirty-five years old and illiterate. Earning a m ere Rs. 200 p er m onth, she heads a joint family o f seven m em bers, taking care o f everything at hom e. In return, she enjoys com p lete freedom o f m ovement. She d oesn ’t fe e l that o th e r m en o r w om en can oppress her. Indeed, the reason sh e is head o f the hou sehold is becau se when h er husband - w ho was dom inating h er sexually - took to beating her, she rejected him. O ne day she sim ply turned him out o f the house since he offered no m aterial support. Still, she feels depressed for failing to obtain regular w ork and depriving h er daughters o f an ed uca­ tion. She seeth es with anger at h er life situation. As an aside, w e’d like to point out that we cam e across instances w here the woman was known to beat up her man. For exam ple, one woman (Case No. 7 3 ) suffered years o f bein g beaten by h er husband till one day she paid him back in the

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same coin. She took a broom -stick and w alloped him. Then, he learned to behave him self. On the w hole, such w om en seem to be less dependent on th eir husbands. The q u estion o f equal wages does not apply to agricultural w orkers as the nature o f th eir work varies. Daughters g en erally help their m others and th erefo re, have to forego th eir ed u cation even if they have access to educational institutions.

Domestic Maidservants D om estic labourers, we found, are am ong the low est paid women w orkers. D espite the pay, dom estic w ork is attractive to many incom ing groups o f migrants. They are illiterate o r se m i­ literate w om en w ithout any training o r skills, and dom estic w ork offers them ready em ploym ent. T hese w orkers are at the d is­ cretion o f individual w om en em ployers, w ho generally do not provide health ben efits o r paid sick leave and often ill-treat them. T h eir em ployers - educated and w ell-to-do urban w om en - visibly discrim inate against them on the basis o f caste, w hich reflects a rigid caste con sciousn ess am ong this class o f w om en (fo r details, see next chapter). To com pensate som ew hat for their low wages and lack o f jo b security, dom estic w orkers have th e advantage o f negotiating their own w ork schedules.. To illustrate th eir condition, let us loo k at the case o f a thirty-year old sw eeper from the Jam a Masjid area (C ase No. 58). She is Muslim, illiterate and the m other o f four children. Her husband has b een ailing ever sin ce they m igrated from what was form erly known as East Pakistan. With m uch difficulty sh e manages to earn Rs. 150 per month. This is becau se she also bears the burden o f all her own household. She feels o v er­ w orked and suffers from ill-health, but has no ch o ice but to c o n ­ tinue w orking in o rd er to support h er family. Like m ost o th er dom estic w orkers, she ex p erien ces low prestige, in com e and authority com pared to men. G enerally speaking, we find that the prim ary ch aracteristic o f fem ale-headed households in the low er class is poverty,

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w h ereas, in the upper class, fem ale heads o f household ex p e rie n ce m atriarchal authority and control. Factors o f caste, relig io n , m arital status and age, we find, rend er the ex p erien ce o f poverty m ore acute. As a result th ese w om en, as they grow o ld er, inevitably move towards im poverishm ent and perceive them selves as unproductive.

Housewives W om en ’s unpaid labour includes the work o f housew ives w hich has long gone unrecognized as work. While som e o f the resp on ­ dents value the ro le o f housew ife and perceive it as a d esirable goal for w om en, housew ork is generally consid ered drudgery and m enial labour. Irrespective o f th eir class background, most o f the housew ives find housew ork tim e-consum ing as w ell as physically and psychologically taxing. Many o f them express frustration at the sh eer repetitiveness o f th eir tasks and at the ideological constraints w hich prevent them from w orking outside the hom e. Housewives com plain o f health problem s galore. Com pared to the w orking w om en, they tend to magnify health issues. Som e o f the educated housewives d on’t find th eir ro le oppressive. On the contrary, they deem housew ork to be both creavtive and autonomous. O ne woman, thirty years old, from upper-caste, joint family with six m em bers points out that many jobs on the market are much m ore routine and monotonous (Case No. 89). A post graduate, m arried and mother o f three children, she quit working becau se o f an infirm ity and becau se she found outside work disparageable. Even though eight p er cen t o f our respondents who ex p erien ce a high status are housew ives, 55.5 p er cent o f the w om en who ex p erien ce a low status are also housewives. O ur case histories, how ever, reveal that different factors co m bin e to produce the ex p erien ce o f a high o r a low status. This does not m erely depend on the traditional role o f a housew ife. For instance, a woman (C ase No. 2 5 ) from the Nair' com m unity, an

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upper caste in Kerala, is a housew ife and a graduate who resid es in R.K. Puram. She hails from the m iddle class, has a nuclear family and is the m other o f three children. She carries out all th e dom estic work and participates in the decision-m aking process. She is a traditional w om an who is raising h er sons and daughter differently. She speaks o f w om en being very hostile to o th er w om en, w hile m en are rather sympathetic. According to her, the Nair w om en com m and respect as they have rights over th eir property. N onetheless, sh e feels she has a low status because sh e can ’t even step out o f the house. O ur data clearly reveals a gender-based division o f labour in household work. Housewives are usually the o n es resp on ­ sib le for tasks like cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, sewing, knitting, child-care, etc. W ork on the o rd er o f paying water and electricity bills are, by contrast, eith er shared o r exclusively p e r­ form ed by the m ale m em bers. Taking care o f m edical problem s and m aintaining the h ou se from the kitchen taps on up to the television set have alm ost b eco m e routine for w om en. Child-care translates into a lot o f work especially for educated w om en who usually spend th eir afternoons helping th eir children com plete th eir assigned hom e-w ork. Men, thus, seem to have single and narrowlyspecialized roles w hile w om en play m ultiple roles. W om en make an important con trib ution to the family by extending and strengthening the kinship and friendship network. D eveloping social skills to b etter handle human relationships has b eco m e a prim ary co n cern for m ost o f the housewives interviewed. In regard to how w om en feel toward their ch ild ren - the respondents have an average o f two to th ree children, with a minimum o f one, and maximum o f twelve - we note that the working w om en are never com pletely free o f guilt, even if they can rely on family m em bers, servants o r creches. Housewives, on the oth er hand, feel guilty about the p oor quality o f attention paid to the children. O f the w orking w om en, those in ordinary or part-tim e jobs nurse a greater sen se o f guilt com pared to the

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p ro fessio n a l elite. In the latter’s case, the guilt and dilemmas arisin g from their untraditional roles is offset by the rewards of a ca re e r. Significantly, hardly any regret having careers. In stead , m ost try to rationalize th eir co u rse o f action; hou se­ w ives se ek to legitim ize th eir roles with religiou s scriptures.

Education B etw een 1971 and 1981, the fem ale literacy rate improved from 18.7 p e r cen t to 24.82 per cent. However, w hen we consider the rapid in crease in the size o f the illiterate population over the sam e p erio d , the process is disturbingly slow. The total num ber o f illitera te w om en increased from 215 3 m illion in 1971 to 2,411 .6 m illion in 1981.1 In o u r sam ple, 25.5 per cent w om en are illiterate. They are from d ifferen t class, caste and religious backgrounds. Thirtyseven p er cent have been educated up to the higher secondary level, and 37.5 p er cent have com pleted co lleg e level and above. Tw o p er cent o f WEHS are illiterate, 3 5 per cent reached the h ig h er secondary level, and 4.5 p er cen t are educated up to co lleg e level and above. Among the WELS, on the other hand, 24 per cen t are illiterate, 34 per cent have h igher secondary level education, and 32 p er cent have com pleted co lleg e level and above. Education has b een identified as a m ajor instrum ent for the enhancem ent o f w om en’s status. Over the last four decades, edu­ cation in India has considerably changed the contours o f w om en’s lives in the urban areas. W om en are having to play dynamic ro les today and are no longer the stable elem ent in a changing world. Even though the education o f w om en still evokes am bivalent reactions and som etim es opposition, it has not failed to provide w om en with an identity outside their family unit. Educated w om en are trying to red efin e their selfhood and womanhood. Undoubtedly, com pared to th eir uneducated sis­ ters, they are exp erien cin g d eep er internal and external co n ­ flicts over life decisions.

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Societal demands pose a dilem m a for highly educated w om en. Fulfilling th eir fem ale role w hile sustaining th eir ed u ca­ tional and professional am bitions inevitably in creases th e ir psychological burden. Not only do these w om en have risin g expectations and frustrations, but education has brought abou t changes in the context o f their family and m arried life as w ell. Som e o f the professional w om en in our sam ple face com p etition in and outside the family and tend to under-perform at tim es becau se th eir husbands feel threatened by th eir p erform an ce and success. Such situations prove to b e provocative and evoke aggression. By contrast to th eir husbands, the fathers o f th ese w om en take great pride in th eir daughters’ achievem ents. In India, educated wom en do not constitute a m onolith ic group. When we divide w om en by class, caste family, age and com m unity and relate these to education, a disturbing picture em erges. In our study, we find, ironically, illit­ erate WEHS and highly educated WELS. For instance, we have the case o f an illiterate woman, who is sixty years old and belongs to an upper caste joint family (Case No. 105). She resides in Vasant Vihar and belongs to the upper-m iddle class. She em ploys dom estic help and shares hou sehold d ecision s with her husband. Traditional in outlook, she ch o o ses not to ex ercise h er freedom o f m ovement. She feels she enjoys a healthy sexual relationship with h er husband, but som ehow finds men and w om en to be relentlessly oppressive. Even though she is uneducated she has read many novels in h er m other-tongue, especially works by Sharat Chandra. His novels, she specifies, d escribe the oppression o f w om en in a poignant m anner. Her educational deprivation has not taken the wind out o f her sails, and she leads a very contented life w ithout any low status com plex. If the educated, professional w om en we sp oke to bew ail over having norm ative doubts about them selves, the educated housewives aren ’t always certain o f having m ade a legitim ate ch oice. We have an exam ple o f a woman who is a post graduate,

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twenty-five years old and m arried (Case No. 150). She belongs to a Jain, upper-m iddle class, nuclear family and resides in Usha Niketan. She has dom estic help and usually participates in the decision-m aking process regarding household matters. She finds both men and w om en to be oppressive as they try' to im pose their ideas and values on her. Her relationship with her m other-in-law has been a tortuous trail with seriou s clashes over values. She w onders w hether it is right not to utilize o n e ’s ed u ­ cation. In speaking with w om en students, we find that they believ e that society still values m en ’s achievem ents m ore than w om en’s and finds them m ore consequ ential. We perceive the ro le o f ed ucation in term s o f a ‘passport for m arriage’, a substitute for dowry, a vocation, a personal quest for know ledge o r a tool to d evelop o n e ’s identity. But w hile higher education enhances w o m e n ’s status, it also creates friction and maladjustm ent in the family. It postpones m arriage, delays pregnancy, and can cause under- o r over-em ploym ent, if not outright unem ploym ent. Illit­ era te w om en in our sam ple aspire to educate th eir daughters so that they can attain eco n om ic in dep endence and support th eir fam ilies. In the traditional m iddle and upper classes, educated w om en do not necessarily opt to en ter the job-m arket. W hile w o m en ’s education is gradually gaining acceptance as useful, w om en continue to b e anxious over renouncing traditional roles. Thus, this continual and ongoing change exerts tre­ m endous pressure on w om en to achieve w hile the expectations that they will com m it them selves to family respon sibilities endure.

Family How do existential, everyday ex p erien ces mould the ways in w hich w om en conceptualize th eir family-world? How, in turn, do th eir conceptualizations in flu en ce th eir actions in the family? How do w om en react to d iscrepancies betw een what they ‘have’ o r ‘know ’ and what they ‘e x p e rie n ce ’? In other words, does the

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fam ily-ideology professed by Indian w om en act as a d efen ce against womeiT’s autonom y and selfhood o r as a d efen ce against em otional and eco n om ic helplessness? G enerally speaking, in the Indian family, w om en’s autonomy and self-relian ce are not extolled excep t sporadically. T herefore, m ost o f our su bjects appear to perceive them selves in the con text o f their family. The connectedness derived from family relationships and th eir kinship netw ork em erged as essential for th eir em otional and econ om ic w ell-being. N evertheless, differen ces in w om en’s values, com m itm ents and cognitive orientations crystallize into social and cultural cleavages in term s o f the structure and function o f their fam ilies. The key issue underlying most o f the dilem m as and changes women today face in the family boils down to individualism versus fam ilialism . D oes the family serve the woman o r does th e woman serve the family? In our study, the respondents unfold a pro-family ideology w hich saves them from facing a series o f contradictions betw een the family ideal and contem porary realities o f the household. Thus, even if they have am ple reasons - eco n om ic and em otional - to break up th eir family, they choose not to. This explains why many scholars find the Indian family to be a stabilizing influence in today’s social ord er, w hen w om en’s increasing so cio -eco n om ic indep endence is exposing them to extra-fam ilial influences. Furtherm ore, changes in the content and form o f family life can be seen in term s o f m arriage, divorce, in tergenerational relations, sexuality and g en d er roles. Although the family seem s to be a ground for nurturing intimate relationships, many of the tensions and con flicts associated with fam ily life derive from outside social phenom ena, such as unem ploym ent, divorce p roced u res, dowry, the w ife’s em ploym ent, sexual violence, etc. T h erefore, today family therapy cannot by itself am eliorate or cou nteract som e o f the most co rro siv e influences on the family such as changing values, g en d er inequality, occupational constraints and pernicious laws. In a p eriod o f change, it is im possible to ign ore

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th e strains and stresses on the family due to secularization, and n ew laws governing inheritance and succession, adoption, m ar­ riage and divorce. M oreover, the education o f w om en, indus­ trialization, urbanization, the technological revolution, increased occupational ch o ices and p eo p le’s constitutional rights have strengthened the form s which tend to counter the h ierarch ical and authoritarian traditional family. Thus, family seem s to b e undergoing transform ation in ord er to m eet the challen ge o f the future. For wom en, m arriage im poses strenuous socialization. Not only does th eir social set-up and life-style change, but they are literally raised by th eir husbands, if not the en tire family. The family proves to b e a protective institution yet it is not one devoid o f interpersonal strain. Our subjects feel forced to accom m odate the family’s needs and their husbands’ wishes, demands and narcissistic desires. In the low er and middle classes, the w om en tolerate abuse, battering and extra-m arital affairs becau se they give first priority to the ch ild ren ’s welfare. In the upper class, this situation is slightly different. W omen are im prisoned by the need to preserve their family’s sanctum sanctorum. The m other-child bond intensifies w henever there is conjugal aloofness o r the husband engages in extra-m arital relationships. This probably explains in part why m others in India invest so much em otionally in their children, particularly their sons. W omen also deal with such situations by developing other heterosexual relationships. For instance, som e wom en admit liaisons within and outside the family. However, with one ex cep ­ tion, all these w om en ch o ose to maintain their anonymity. The one case who d oesn ’t o b ject to h er story being quoted is thirtynine years old, m arried and a graduate. She works as a section officer in a bank and belongs to an upper-caste, upper-m iddle class, nuclear family. She draws the sam e salary as her husband, which she feels has produced a glaring com plex in him. She is not perm itted to move out o f the house even with the children

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and suffers regular, nearly daily, beatings. Consequently, h er sexual relations with h er husband are very unsatisfactory, and she has found refuge in a relationship at her w ork place. D espite her hom e situation, she is reluctant to separate from h er husband for fear o f raising fatherless child ren and breaking up the family ideal. Som e o f the professional women in our study no longer find it disgraceful to rem ain unm arried even though they com e under constant social p ressu re that increases as they grow older. This them e is clearly reflected in the life o f Nisha, des­ cribed in the early part o f this chapter. Increasingly, w om en are viewing divorce as a solution to unhappy m arriages even if the coupling and uncoupling at will o f man and woman still carries a stigma. D ivorce d o esn ’t seem to reflect m oral ban­ kruptcy but rather a new conception o f m arriage, o ne which places a g reater em phasis on personal satisfaction. This is evident in the life stories o f Aprajita in Chapter six and o f Vai. shali and G uneeta in the penultim ate chapter. The m other-inlaw/daughter-in-law syndrom e perpetuates a perm anent sp here o f discord ance constituting a structural strain (fo r details, see Chapter seven). T he unstructured strain m anifested in the unpredictability o f family m em bers’ behaviour and role pushes w om en to seek satisfaction from soothing afflictive feelings and frayed tem pers. A ccording to most of ou r declaratory interview s, family interactions can often be hostile, and th eir intensity, e sp e­ cially in a nuclear set-up , fosters both love and hatred. Patriarchy in an orthodox family seem s m ore authoritarian com pared to the m ore len ien t and indulgent patriarchy found in m odern tim es. In the form er case, the husband’s ab sen ce is not necessarily a so u rce o f frustration since many w om en feel that their husbands are rather strict and dictatorial. In the case w here the opposite occu rs - e.g., w here women are m ore authoritarian and bossy than th eir husbands - the m en do not dare challen ge their rule. This p henom enon generally occu rs w here th ere is a wide age gap betw een husband and wife. For exam ple, take Case

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No. 95. Sh e is in her fifties, m arried, educated up to higher se c­ ondary and lives in a nuclear family in Vasant Vihar. She belongs to the Sikh com m unity and appears to b e very religious. She wears a stern look as she ord ers her family m em bers, servants and husband around. Her husband, a m uch o ld er man than she, looks m ild and tim id com pared to her. Though we encountered only a handful o f such w om en, th eir m atriarchal rule was a force to be reckoned with. Patriarchy in India with its, at tim es, conjugal aloofness does not con flict with the dom estic m atriarchy o f women. Survival and functional values rather than id eological o r individualistic values, prevail in the family. The traditional notion o f dom estic hierarchy and authority apparently con tributes to the func­ tioning and stability o f the family unit, b e it join t or nuclear. Given the choice, many w om en from jo in t fam ilies would co n ­ tinue living that way to ensure that th eir children are in safe hands w hile they are away at work. In a few cases, the w om en say they d o n ’t mind even having co-wives. O n e Muslim woman, for instance, shares h er ailing husband with his form er wife (Case No. 6). They all live together, along with the children from the previous wife, in the Jam a Masjid area. As the man has been unem ployed for a w hile, this woman finds it quite convenient to have the form er wife do all the dom estic work w hile she acts as the fam ily’s breadw inner. In the upper strata, w om en’s need to have a family o r break up an existing one is a m atter o f personal ch o ice, greatly influ­ enced by h er living standards, personal qualifications and interests. W hile education and training have increased the d esire in w om en to seek em ploym ent, th ere are innum erable instances w here educated and professional w om en have given up th eir career to save their m arriage and family. Indian women generally face restriction s regarding the interaction betw een men and women outside the family. At tim es, w om en are prohibited to talk to any men. Som e women from the middle class refuse to utter th eir husband’s name even

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today. They refer to th eir husband as th eir so n ’s father. Tradi­ tion, it seem s, probably places m ore em phasis on fatherhood than selfhood. To conclud e, the family keeps w om en in a double-bind situ­ ation - the family o p p resses w om en but also provides them support and protection. To m ost w om en, the family con text p ro ­ vides a refere n ce through which they must w ork out the m eans and m ode o f their survival and personal progress. O ur data clearly shows a gap betw een the prom ise and the reality o f family life. N evertheless, w om en w ho have qu estion ed the family institution are still conceiving alternative family form s, w hile, at the sam e tim e, w om en are applying legal, m edical and psycho-analytical m eans in an effort to restore the family.

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CHAPTER

SIX

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CHAI NS OF R E L I G I O U S CONSCIOUSNESS?

I n this fifth decade o f developm ent since the country acquired independence, India is undergoing a trem endously paradoxical transform ation. The acceleratio n o f the m odernization process is prom pting p eople to move towards the twenty first century, w hile religion, despite the technological ethos, ecological aw areness and so cio -eco n o m ic changes, rem ains a constant co n ­ solation in p eo p le’s life. R eligion has en coun tered secularism and, if m odernity has eroded som e o f the religious b eliefs and form s, it has also triggered a reaction to the notions o f ration­ ality, thereby, preserving religion albeit precariously. We are not co n cern ed with the conflict and contradiction within a given ‘re­ ligious d o ctrin e’, rather we are interested in the relatively autonom ous textu re o f religiou s consciousness and its oppressive o r liberating effect in the private lives o f w om en.

Religion O u r study reveals that when religion is internalized at a purely ritualistic level, i.e., when w om en live according to sp ecific religious practices o r adopt the ideology, then relig ion most often oppresses the believ er. If how ever, one ex p erien ces religion as a spiritual evolution in term s o f developing o n e ’s aw areness and the pow ers o f o n e ’s mind, then religion helps w om en achieve a sense o f liberation. Thus, it is not coincid ental that fem inists are taking account o f the spiritual dim ension. Indeed, this is another way o f tapping into the pow er o f wom en.

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Essays on w om en Bhakta poets edited by Madhu Kishwar1 illus­ trate how, in medieval times, an ostensibly religious revival m ovement actually enabled w om en to ex p erien ce liberation. W omen w ere no lon ger perceived m erely as an appendage, but also as p eople in th eir own right, capable o f creative impulses. Kishwar maintains that protagonists o f the Bhakti m ovement like Meera and Bahina in the north and Awai and Mahadeviyakka in the south resolved the dilemmas o f living in a m ale-dom inated society through renunciation. It was by forsaking thisw orldliness that they achieve a status equal to that o f men. Our respondents, on the other hand, ex p erien ce a sen se o f liberation and a high status by doing just the opposite, i.e., by realizing their sociality, sexuality and spirituality, not by taking the path o f renunciation. Religion, according to Durkheim , can be seen in term s o f its social functions, i.e., religion as a system o f b eliefs and rituals with referen ce to the ‘sacred’ w hich form s the crucial basis o f solidarity in traditional societies. M oreover, society, particularly as m anifest in the collective enthusiasm generated irv p eriod ic cerem onies, is the sou rce of new beliefs and representations. Religious cerem on ies do not simply rein fo rce existing b eliefs; this'' is a case o f both creation and re-creation. Thus any b e lie f which form s part o f the ‘collective co n scien ce’ tends to assum e a religious character. In the m odern so cieties the character o f the ‘sacred ’ beliefs, however, differs from that typical o f tradi­ tional form s. D urkheim sees the declining im portance o f religion today as a necessary co n seq u en ce o f the dim inishing significance o f m echanical solidarity. He em phasizes that th ere is not an absolute break betw een m echanical and organic so l­ idarity: the latter type presupposes m oral regulation as much as the first, although, this regulation cannot b e o f a traditional sort. H ence D urkheim ’s broad definition o f ‘relig io n ’ identifies it with the ‘sacred ’ and with m oral regulation. This enables him to em phasize continuity in symbols and values w hile at the same time stressing the im portant elem ents o f discontinuity betw een

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past and present. T h erefore, the morality o f the future based on the ‘cult o f the personality’ is the transform ation o f religion into secular hum anism .2 W eber defines religion as any set o f co h eren t answers to human existential dilem m as - birth, sickness or death - which makes the w orld m eaningful. Analyzing the doctrine o f p red es­ tination, he deduces that an unfathom able divine decision co n ­ cerning the fate o f men in the hereafter w ould produce great anxiety am ong those p eop le intensely co n cerned with the sal­ vation o f th eir souls. Only pastoral interpretations o f theological doctrines can allay this anxiety. According to W eber, Calvin taught that everyone must face the ultim ate uncertainty o f his fate; nevertheless, Calvinist m inisters encouraged th eir co n g re­ gations to engage in a zealous, self-denying round of daily activities. B elievers w ere to rem ain mindful that God had placed the resou rces o f his w orld at the disposal o f m en who, on the day o f judgm ent, w ould have to show they had channelled their pow ers into single-m inded service and work for God. True believers, as W eber calls them responded with an ‘inner-w orldly asceticism ’ w hich en abled them to quiet th eir co n scien ces by rationally transform ing the world. W eber also em phasizes on the relationship betw een religion and social organizations. For exam ple, social groups with particular eco n o m ic interests often prove m ore receptive to som e religiou s ideas over others. Second , religiou s ideas lead to the form ation o f certain groups - such as m onastic ord ers, guilds o f m agicians, o r a clergy - and these groups may develop quite extensive eco n om ic activities. Third, the distinction betw een the elite and the masses is very pertinent, i.e., a m inority w hich is usually perceptive originates ideas and a majority with ordinary interests and average capabilities adopts these ideas.3 Marx viewed religion as ‘false co n scio u sn ess’, a term he used to d escribe a situation w here an individual or a group fails to perceive the true nature o f reality. If people p ro ject their own

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powers on hypothetical beings and then subm it to these beings, then, according to Marx, they are m anifesting th eir own aliena­ tion. This optic en ables him to m easure the ‘illusory’ character o f relig ion against the historical developm ent o f alienation. Primitive man exp resses his alienation from nature, by creating ‘natural relig io n ’. As man gains increasing m astery over nature thanks to an expanding division o f labour, he elaborates religious b eliefs into m ore clearly ‘rationalized’ systems o f ideas which exp ress his self-alienation.4 Freud has also analyzed religion in term s o f alienation. But he differs from Marx, in that he views religion as the universal obsessional n eu rosis o f humanity. Like the obsessional neurosis o f children, it arises out o f the O edipus com plex, i.e., out o f the relation to the Father.5 Thus, Marx and Freud look upon religion within a developm ental fram ew ork and posit the notion o f a future society, w here religion will becom e redundant. However, the rem arkable p ersisten ce and resurgence o f religion in socialist countries seem s to b elie this anticipation. Unlike Marx and Freud, Ju n g views liberation in religion not as an escape from life ’s reality. Rather, religion discloses a sym­ bolic life w hich liberates man from a banal existen ce. Jung posits that relig ion grows out o f man’s projecting onto celestial regions certain archetypal patterns originating in the depths o f his unconscious. For exam ple, the ‘trinity archetype’, according to Jung, points to the d ialectic o f developm ent. It is th e trinity archetype w hich structures the dynamic, tem poral events o f human life in contrast to static, eternal concepts. T h ere is a fem inine triad con n ected with instinctual events in th eir natural developm ent and growth, i.e., birth, m aturation and death, w hereas the m asculine triad is based on the dynamic opposition betw een thesis and anti-thesis, and its recon ciliation in synth­ esis.6 A quick look at the various religions o f the w orld show s that religion includes a broad range o f ex p erien ces and rituals, from em otional ecstasy to highly rational speculation, from private

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contem plation to collective craze. This study makes us view our subjects not just as one- o r two-dim ensional but as m ulti-dim en­ sional beings. Probing into their religious consciousness casts som e light on the inconsistencies in their status perception.

Aspects of Religion Th ere are various aspects o f religion we must keep in mind. These are its exp erien tial, ritualistic, ideological, intellectual, and finally its consequential aspects. The exp erien tial aspect refers to the subjective o r em otional. The ritualistic aspect deals with the sp ecific practices expected o f the adherents. By ideological aspect we m ean the actual set o f beliefs held by adherents, w hile the intellectual aspect covers know ledge o f the basic tenets o f the faith. Finally, the consequential aspect deals with the secular effects o f religious beliefs, practice and ex p eri­ ence. Numerous features are today developing on the social, econom ic and p olitical landscape, which act upon traditional and religious structures. Not that significant change was absent earlier, but the extent, pace and nature o f change today is simply o f a different order. Today, the individual’s identity claims centrestage. People are undergoing self-exam ination with regard to their roots, history and religious make up. Besid es this, conflicts resulting from legal changes and pow er shifts lead to the intensification o f inter-com m unal rivalries and antagonisms as w ell as, so m e­ tim es, to the further d eterioration o f conditions, especially for w om en. At the co re o f w om en’s renew ed quest for identity we find a need to cop e with the juxtaposition o f the traditional and m odern definitions o f th eir roles. Tradition and m odernity demand conflicting definition o f a woman’s self, family and com ­ munity. Let us look at the story o f Aprajita as it reveals the pangs a woman suffers in her efforts to develop her identity and spirituality.

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Aprajita : Unhappy Childhood an d on Being Separate Persons Com ing from a w ell-to-do background, Aprajita is in h er m id­ thirties, highly educated, m arried and a woman innerly com ­ m itted to h er profession. She recounts: “Regarding my p ersonal life, I w ould say, at the risk o f sounding very very negative, that in my ch ild h ood I didn’t know any happiness at all n or what it was to b e a happy child becau se my first consciou sn ess was that of shunting betw een my grandparents’ and my p aren ts’ hom e, since my parents w ere not getting along with each other. My father was a doctor, and he used to be m ostly away from the house. W henever he was at hom e th ere w ere violent qu arrels betw een the parents. At tim es, they w ould end in physical vio­ len ce on the part o f my father - also against myself, my sister and my m other. So, w hen the crisis cam e, we would always shift to my grandparents’ house w hich was just in the sam e colony. It was very hum iliating becau se neighbours used to gath er . and it becam e a big ‘tam asha’ (sc e n e ) w hen we got the beatings - th ere was lot o f shouting. In childhood, I was always afraid o f noise and p eo p le shouting at each other. I still am. At tim es, neighbours would take pity on us and take us in, and I rem em ber them putting ointm ent on o u r wounds. But w hen we went to our grandparents’ house, then those w ere com paratively happier periods. T h ere was lot o f love and affection from both my grandparents but, at the sam e tim e, th ere was a great feelin g o f insecurity becau se we w ere in the sam e neighbourh ood , and everybody knew that they w ere not getting along. In school you could never boast o f a father also. Then, he w ould co m e and apologise, and we w ould all shift back to his house. Again th ere w ould b e constant q u arrels end ing in som e sort o f crisis and this thing w ent on ever sin ce I have b e e n aware, till my m other took the step o f separating w hen I was ten or eleven years old. T h ere was no legal separation, but in th o se days th ere was a great conflict about it. You see, he was a very popu lar doctor, and the pu blic o p in ion about him was that h e was a good

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m an, w hereas, our private exp erien ces o f him w ere entirely opposite. O ne could not really tell people at that age. As a result, I just w ithdrew into myself; I would hardly talk to p eople and d evelop ed a sort o f withdrawn shyness, w hich has not totally fallen o ff so far. And it persisted, it was a very painful form o f shyness w hich persisted till I finished my M.A. T h ere was also a fear o f the other sex w hich was lessen ed to som e ex ten t by the fact that I knew my grandfather as a very ben ev olen t and saintly man. But this feelin g o f never having a father always stayed with m e along with a sen se o f insecurity throughout my life, although I felt that, em otionally and econom ically, my m other m ore than com pensated for that b ecau se sh e gave ten tim es the love and affection, which n o r­ mally m others give. Till the age o f seventeen, we w ere just living on h er salary as a teacher. So things w ere pretty difficult, w hereas my father was very w ell-to-do, bu t he never gave a penny in the house. We w ere standing at bus-stops in the sam e n eigh bourh ood and he would drive past in his car and all that. He was a total stranger. In fact, it was quite a re lie f when he died. I was about sixteen then. At th e age o f twelve - becau se h e had started threatening to take away the ch ild ren from my m other - we shifted to the W orking W om en’s Hostel. T hose two, th ree years w ere the most painful years o f my childhood becau se th ere w ere no children there. All those w om en had th eir boyfriends - it was like living in a unhealthy place. In those days, relatives w ere also not very kind to us becau se my m other had taken this unconventional step o f breaking away. I rem em ber 1 was very clo se to a fem ale cousin, and every tim e she would com e to see us h er father would b e angry. So, relatives kept away till som e kind o f success cam e to my m other and me. Then, finally at the age o f sixteen, we could afford to rent a house, and we forced our grandfather to com e and shift with us sin ce by then my grandm other had died. I was always afraid o f getting m arried. I never wanted to do

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B.A o r M.A. o r anything passion sin ce childhood. teaching and running the into h er sh oes and also

becau se painting used to b e a so rt o f But I felt that, the way my m other was house, I would, as soon as I could, step teach and run the house so that she

could b e totally free from any econ om ic burden as she was a writer. I did not have any acquaintance with any professional painter in my childhood. So I did not know w hether o n e could live from art o r b eco m e a professional painter. A nother reason for going in for studying and teaching was to postpone m arriage. At the age o f sixteen and seventeen, my m other started feeling too m uch the burden o f growing up daughters. O n ce I had g on e to a disco and com e hom e late, and she was very upset because I did not have the protection o f father. So she started exploring the p ossibilities o f getting me and my younger sister m arried, and ‘rishtas’ (p rop o sals) started com ing from h ere and there. T he first proposal cam e when 1 was about eighteen o r nineteen, and my sister was a year younger. I was very reluctant and had the fear o f m arriage. This boy w ho cam e seem ed to b e a very n ice person to h er and the w hole family, but he was a b it short for me. So, instead o f m e, it was my younger sister he m ar­ ried, and it w asn’t a happy m arriage at all - it was a disaster. After this, my m o th er’s attitude towards m arriage changed. My m other just becam e the opposite, anti-m arriage, though I never did. I always felt that I would look for my com panion, and I never thought o f w orldly things. I wanted som ebody who u nderstood m e and my m other and who would live with us. W ell, that w asn’t p ossible till last year, at a very late stage in life. In the m eanw hile, w hile I was studying, 1 had b een painting quite a lot also. In 1 9 7 4 1 had sent my w ork for a group show fo r which my w ork was selected by a famous painter and ex h ib ited at a prestigious gallery. My m other and grandfather w ere very proud o f this, and I got good reviews. In those days it m attered initially. T ill then I was a very frightened, withdrawn and lon ely child. T h ere was another exhibition at o n e em bassy - 1 did n ot dare to talk to anybody there. W hen I had my first show, I was in

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I .A . I t w a s qu ite successful - th ere w ere large figurative w orks / h e r e a s a b stra ct art was in fashion then. I have always b een i t t r a c t e d to sculpture. So, I used to try and recreate th ese s c u l p t u r i s t figures, large and m onum ental. Then I felt that I had a n i d e n t i t y and that I had som ething to contribute. A f t e r that, I taught for a year thinking that I w ould get my s a l a r y c h e q u e and put it at my m other’s feet. It w asn’t satisfying f o r m e , s o , I gave it up and started painting full tim e in 1979. In 1 9 8 0 , I h a d my show in Bom bay. That has b een so far the m ost s u c c e s s f u l becau se I sold a lot o f work and a lot was w ritten a b o u t m y work. From then on I felt that my career had really s ta r te d an d that I had got my break. P ain tin g was a big support those days because, em otionally, I w as a very weak person. I was very sensitive but was not m ature at a ll - 1 evolved qu ite late. I could not take the pain o f my loved o n e s , had extra-attachm ent. In 1980 I join ed Garhi. I felt I was already a bit successful as a painter. T h ere was this person in th e studio who was th irteen years o ld er than m e and, at that stage, econom ically he was doing very badly becau se the w ork was very very poor. He was w orking towards making a nam e for him self and was also in p oor health. When I used to have my lunch he would jo in m e and co m ­ plain about his w ife not taking care o f him. Gradually he told m e that his wife used to think that he was a Tantric and wanted to leave him. She wanted som e m oney for leaving, but he d id n’t have any as he w asn’t earning from his art. Out o f pity, I used to tell him to have dinner with us som etim es. Som ething that began with sympathy.... well, then he proposed. I had a daughterly feeling towards him and, since we w ere in the sam e studio and profession, th ere was lots to share. Som e part o f m e did not, however, believ e his story although h e said that his w ife wanted to leave becau se o f th eir handicapped child. The child didn’t go to school. My m other and I helped his son get admission in school. Then this person started com ing to our house everyday and

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im posed h im self even if I was busy. This w ent on for five to six years. In the m eantim e, very com plicated developm ents had also taken place. W henever my w ork was appreciated o r talked about, he did not like it. He would try to brainw ash other artists. I pointed this out to him, and this jealousy becam e much m o re intense later on. It culm inated w hen I got an award. He w ent as far as saying that it was becau se I was young, a woman and had con nection s that I got the award. In those days I sent som ebod y to his wife to find out h er side o f the story. I had found that whatever picture he had given m e was all w rong - that he never cared for his wife, that he was too am bitious, that he had never com e hom e b efo re eleven or- twelve o ’clo ck ever sin ce they w ere married. All the tim e he was trying to prom ote h im self in the art world and that is why he did not give h er any tim e o r attention. And he gave h er only o n e thousand rupees a m onth to run the house, which was his m other-in-law ’s shabby ‘barsati’. After knowing this, I asked him to stop seein g m e or talking to me. All along a part o f m e was suspicious about him and it later saved me from an em otional breakdow n even though many p eople w ere under the im pression that we might have got m ar­ ried. So I thought that the only way out o f this and the way to totally forget him was to quickly get m arried. Well, som ebody cam e to interview my m other in 1986, and he proposed to m e on the very secon d visit o r som ething. I said yes without know ing the person. In those two th ree m onths, he must have co m e maximum th ree to four tim es. Then we went to court and got m arried becau se I thought that it w ould b e the end o f this painter. But things w ere not that easy. We w ent away to the m ountains for our honeym oon, and the m arriage was not co n ­ summated. We w ere togeth er for two o r th ree months, and h e told me that he had som e p roblem s even b efo re m arriage, but he thought maybe with tim e it w ould be alright. So, I told him that I would be going in for an annulm ent. In the same year I asked for an annulm ent, and it came through in

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¿ ix m o n t h s . W hile this thing was in court, one person used to : o m e t o m y studio and spend som e tim e w ith us. When he heard a b o u t t h e case, he proposed to me and was w illing to wait for me t o b e f r e e . Even after the annulm ent cam e through, we saw each o t h e r f o r two years becau se I was a bit scared. Then, to legalize o u r r e la tio n s h ip , we got m arried, and now it has b een a few m o n t h s . It has been a very happy ex p erien ce. It is a very u ncon ­ v e n t i o n a l m arriage because, econom ically, we are both in d e­ p e n d e n t and do not depend on each other. And he com es and stay s w ith us thrice a week and, once or twice, I go to his parents’ h o u s e . O th e r days we are alon e in our respective houses - it is w o r k in g out very w ell. I have, kept my expectations at a m in im u m , but I enjoy the com panionship that I am getting. Per­ so n a lly , this is the happiest p erio d o f my life so far. Now w hen I look back on th ose six years with that painter, I fe e l I have had to pay a very heavy p rice both personally and professionally. Personally, he had been m aligning me even w hen h e was going around with m e, w hich I didn’t know. W hen we brok e off, then all these things cam e to me from different sources. Professionally, h e has b ee n very harmful too. W hile I was in Garhi I was doing these large, figurative, m onum ental figures and he in th e seventies had b een doing these balloonlike, saucer-like shapes. And h e shifted to figurative work and had an exhibition in 1979 - it was like floating form s, w ithout any limbs o r eyes, ears, nose, etc., just lumps w hich looked like forms. Slowly, I felt that I had put in a lot o f effort to evolve my kind of figure, and that he had started painting the same kind o f figures even during our association. Every tim e I would point that out to him he would have some explanation for it. The disadvantage I had was that I was younger and was a woman. Som etim es he would also take my themes very directly and spread the notion that my work was influenced by his work. People d o n ’t have a sense o f history at all - they d on ’t rem em b er that h e was not doing figurative art ten years back. Now he is on all th e m ajor com m ittees - he has

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a w ide circle. W herever he is he m akes sure that my w ork is not. He, in fact, told m e that h e ’ll w ipe out my name from the art world. He has stopped m attering to m e personally but, p ro fes­ sionally, it is creating a loss. Physically I beat him up o n ce in the studio becau se he said som ething very nasty about m e and my m other. In front o f four, five p eop le, I took out my chappal and beat him. He is really suffering from professional jealousy, and I do not know how to stop all this. Som ehow , I equated sex with m arriage. In my six-year association, th ere was physical intimacy but without the act. He would say to m e : ‘Produce a child and w e’ll get m arried.’ But I refused. In my m arriage now, it is a happy ex p erien ce although I feel that my husband has a tendency towards the physical side, w hereas I am m ore o f a rom antic - holding hands, etc. Som e­ tim es I fear that later in life, he m ight b e drawn to younger women becau se I am not a very physical person. He also says so, and we both know it. In the beginning, he was irritated about the frequency o f the act, but now he has adjusted. Most o f my work, ninety per cen t o f it, has been related to w om en’s situation. I feel exception ally lucky that I have an id en ­ tity. M oreover, what I got from my m other I d o n ’t think in my life-tim e I could get from any o th er person. Som ehow , I hate the attitude m en have towards w om en, that m akes m e angry. If you se e 'th e m ale painters - they paint a woman as a body, they se e the prettiness, the sensuousness o r the voluptuousness o f a woman. They d on ’t understand and see a w om an’s self. But sometim es, you com e across different kind o f m en, like the Dalai Lama, w ho see you as a soul o r self. Such m en make m e very happy. So all your happiness com es from your family, the o u tsid e world is very cru el. I do feel that I am a liberated p erson although I am quite a religiou s person. Any form o f chanting, m editation, visit to dargahs and sufis is a great sou rce o f strength to me. My w hole day and energy goes into my painting and th en , in the evening, I rem em b er God. Religion provides trem end ou s

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strength and solace to m e, but I am not ritualistic.” This and o ther interviews clearly show that seldom does an yon e com plete the tortuously com plex journey from ch ild h o o d to adulthood without carrying over unresolved issues an d undergoing som e sort o f shock. Em otional dilemmas a cq u ire great significance for w om en as what em erges as m ean­ in gfu l to them are th eir attachm ents, despite the fact that, for m any, th eir professions are a high priority. The loss o f em o ­ tio n a l relatedness during different life-transitions em erges as a c ritica l variable that tends to create a vulnerable mental environ­ m en t. The death o r disappearance o f important figures, the ru p tu re o f a m arriage o r estrangem ent in relationships cause w om en to fall prey to afflictive em otions o r even fall into d ep re­ ssiv e states o f mind. At tim es, this results in a woman getting involved with religion and spirituality, which then b eco m es a so u rc e o f stability.

Sita-consciousness Amongst Women In an ea rlier chapter we m entioned m ythological m odels that te n d to affect the behaviour o f w om en even today. We shall now e x a m in e how Sita-consciousness operates in the lives o f women in a m etropolis, w here th eir roles have been modified. In o u r age, when m uch o f the content o f our culture com es fro m the ethos o f scien ce and technology, we have yet to exp lo re th e level o f consciousness w here m oral causation occurs. The tran sition from a traditional to a m odern cultural context is fraught with contradictions that Indian w om en exp erien ce. The m oral o r m aterial confusion that pervades contem porary life has w eaned w om en away from the ‘m ythic’ ideals o f the past. All the sam e, w om en’s lives are exp erien cin g an unfolding o f ethical self-know ledge, by w hich we m ean the discovery o f what is right and w rong for oneself. O ur main con cern h ere will b e to under­ stand the very depths o f these w om en’s relationships with men and to rediscover the m eaning o f the image o f Sita, w hich has som ehow survived despite the accum ulated dross o f centuries.

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M oreover, we will also touch upon how the ideology o f Sita as ideal wife and ideal woman sacrifices truth to clarity and p re ci­ sion; ideology demands g reater clarity and com pleteness than is necessarily com patible with human ex p erien ce and know ledge. The image o f ‘Sita’, as conventionally understood, gives an im pression o f the universal truth o f suffering, sacrifice and fo r­ bearance. Chastity in relation to h er husband, ‘Rama’, epitom izes that which is m ost typical o f this image. What w e are focusing on h ere, however, is the way Sita’s image is reflected in the lives o f D elh i’s educated, upper-caste w om en belonging to the m iddle and the upper-m iddle classes. The question arises as to w hether it is really valid to com pare the image o f Sita ‘then’ and its expression in the lives o f w om en ‘now ’. Although w om en today are becom ing econom ically independent and are educationally and occupationally m obile, w e can still safely com pare th eir em otional w orld to that o f Sita. What first attracted me was the way the consciousness o f Sita incarnates itself in the thoughts and behaviour o f theists and atheists alike with o r without th eir awareness. The fact that ‘Sita’, o f all m ythological h eroin es, should b e the one to m erge into the being and blood o f Indians, gives rise to the follow ing questions: a) D oes the ‘self-cu ltu re’ characterized by Sita in the ep ic Ram ayana 7 prov id e a m oral vocabulary for dealing with the lives o f w om en today ? b ) Does the im pulse to self-sacrifice reflect the m oral ex p erien ce o f love for Sita as w ell as for w om en in our tim es ? What is it that w om en owe others ? c) Is our m ythological past far m ore real and resilien t than o u r presen t ? And why does our present b eco m e m ore meaningful when we ex p erien ce it through rem in iscen ce ? The form ulated issues fall broadly under the category o f understanding the varieties o f m eaning systems in m odern so c­ iety. Wade Clark Roof observes that in m odern society various form s o f sym bolism are presum ed to exist: traditional and non-

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traditional, theistic and non-theistic. ‘Sym bolic u niverses’ that convey m eaning b eco m e significant. * He views quests for m eaning as universal life-exp erien ces, recognizing that the quests may b e fulfilled by various reality structures - religiou s o r otherw ise.8

Sita - The Mythic Model The poets and philosophers o f ancient G reece believed that myths contain the substance o f com m unicable education. In India, even today, myths act as food for the the spirit in early childhood .9 We return to them on a different plane as we grow o ld er and discover the m asterpieces o f Indian poets and mystics. In the case o f the Ram ayana epic, it reaches Indians not m erely through m odern, w ritten translations but via a variety o f channels such as television, story-telling, poetry, art o r its annual enactm ent in the form o f ‘Ram lila’. What, as a child, an Indian had absorbed as exciting stories, the adult views on the stage as tragedies o f ep ic h eroes and h eroin es w hose destinies no lon ger seem a tale o f long ago but one o f im m ediate dram atic interest. Through this re-enactm ent, the protagonists o f the myth are brought into th e presen t w hile the view er is made their co n tem ­ porary. This b eco m es a ‘religious e x p e rie n ce ’, o r to use M ircea E liad e’s term inology, a ‘sacred ’, ‘strong’ and ‘significant’ t im e .10 Sita is th e h ero in e o f the Ram ayana ep ic w ritten in Sanskrit by the poet and sage Valmiki, som etim e in the p eriod betw een 20 0 BC and 200 AD. According to the legend, it was not until the brigand had an intense vision that he renou nced banditry to beco m e a herm it and retire to a life o f contem plation. This led to the com position o f the epic. T h ere exist many derivative ver­ sion s and vernacular renditions o f Ramayana. However, four cen tu ries ago, Goswami Tulsidas com posed his R am acharitam anasa in Avadhi, a literary dialect o f Hindi. Not only did he divinize the characters o f R am ayana , but h e also expound ed devotion to be the path to salvation. B oth the Ram ayana and the Ram acharitam anasa accentuate the sanctity

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o f m arried love and the sacredness o f a pledge, its living exam ples o f dom estic and social virtues, its deep faith in the ultim ate m eaning o f life as a struggle betw een good and evil.11 We will not h ere touch upon qu estions relating to the historicity o f Rama and Sita and the story o f the Ram ayana. Rather w e w ill point out patterns in the way Sita is portrayed in the classical Sanskrit, classical Tam il and folk Tamil variants.12 In the folk v er­ sions, Sita appears as increasingly pow erful, dominant, active and defiant in that she takes h er husband’s place to defeat Ravana on the battlefield. By contrast, in the classical text sh e rem ains passive, static, con trolled and com pliant, as David Shulman observes. As a result, the control and restraint in th e classical texts com plem ents the chaos and energy in the folk text.13

Sita By exalting Sita and endow ing h er with beauty, tenderness, co m ­ passion, fidelity, courage and endurance, Valmiki renders h er a figure to be em ulated. The w ord Sita m eans ‘furrow ’ - the line made by the plough. It also happens to b e the nam e o f a goddess associated with ploughed fields in Vedic literature. She is associated with th e fertility o f ploughed earth and the necessity o f a male pow er to awaken, arouse and insem inate the earth.14 It is clear in the Ram ayana that Sita’s birth is unusual. She is literally unearthed w hile when h er father, King Janak, perform s a ritual w hich entails ploughing the fields to facilitate fertility. In Valmiki’s R am ayana , Sita does not encou nter Rama in the garden on the eve o f the ‘Svayumbar’ (w hen a bridegroom is ch o sen ), as they m eet in Tulsidas’s version. W hether it is sh e who em pow ers Rama to break the bow - the condition he must fulfill to win Sita - o r w hether she is m erely Rama’s ‘viryashulka’ (p rice of h ero ), what is obvious is h er special being. T heir m ar­ riage represents an interplay betw een a vigorous and pow erful king and a woman who sym bolizes the fecund forces o f the

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earth.15 Sita, often taciturn, is generally viewed as the loyal wife o f Rama. She appears to us as self-conscious in her relationship with Rama w hile rather sharp-tongued when provoked. At every crucial m om ent she takes an individual stand. For instance, she insists and threatens to com m it suicide in ord er to join h er hus­ band, who has b een exiled for fourteen years by his step-m other Kaikeyi. This illustrates not m erely her ro le as a ‘pativrata’, as som e scholars maintain, but an assertion o f her rom antic self that will not be able to bear the agony o f separation from her husband. During their penultim ate year o f exile, Sita is enam oured with a golden dear, whom Rama chases to capture. Lakshmana dis­ regards his duty to p rotect h er in Rama’s absence. In h er anxiety over h er husband’s call for help, she utters unkind w ords and accuses her brother-in-law o f being Rama’s enem y in the guise o f a friend and having his eye on her. Sita literally drives Lak­ shmana away and paves the way for her abduction by Ravana w hen she transgresses the boundary-line o r the Lakshm anarekha. W hether human o r divine, the in exorab le m oral law does not spare her. She pays for h er fault by suffering till the end o f h er life. In Tulsidas’s version, it is not the real Sita that is taken away by Ravana, but only the ‘Maya’ Sita or h er shadow .16 Ravana attempts to persuade Sita to be his w ife by threatening her with death. Banking on the pow er o f h er chas­ tity, Sita shows great pride and courage in the face o f Ravana’s threats. In h e r low m om ents, she contem plates suicide but then, Hanumana, th e m essenger o f Rama, prom ises to rescue her. By avoiding tactual contact with Hanumana and not returning with him , Sita co n fers on Rama the glory involved in rescuing her from Ravana. After Ravana’s defeat, Sita’s chastity and loyalty to Rama is tested. G rieved by Rama’s accusations at the tim e o f th e fire ord eal, she speaks out boldly, standing in the midst o f all the h eroes who helped Rama rescue her. “I am surprised Rama!” she

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says, “How is it that you are speaking as if you w ere only a com m on man to a com m on wom an?” Then, she undergoes the test by fire and returns to Rama unscathed. Shulm an w rites that Sita’s association with fire is dem onstrated in the episod e o f h er trial by fire. Further, h er association with earth and fire co n ­ tribute to the sen se o f an u ndercu rren t o f passion and violent pow er in Sita, both heightened and contained by her chastity and constant co n tro l.17 Rama, how ever, to pacify the pu blic in Ayodhya, that is g os­ siping and casting aspersions on Sita, banishes Sita from th e kingdom , even though he knows o f h er pregnancy. Sita’s twins Luv and Kush m entioned by Valmiki - grow up, and only th en does Rama sum m on h er back to Ayodhya for yet another test to dem onstrate her innocence. Sita agrees; this tim e she is to return to m other-earth. As m uch as he wants h er back, Rama is now con dem ned to live out his sorrow in lon elin ess. Rama has a gold en im age o f Sita made and exhibited. Swami Vivekananda and M.K. Gandhi have propagated th e im age o f Sita as an ideal for Indian w om anhood. Scholars, how ­ ever, have analysed th e different reasons for Sita being the ideal woman. Veena Das, fo r instance, points to the sexuality w hich em braces also the darker and destructive aspects o f fem ininity. Thus, h er ero ticism , unlike Kaikeyi’s, is not dangerous and u n ­ con tain ed .18 Sudhir Kakar describes in detail how the Sita-myth influ­ en ces the crystallization o f a Hindu w om an’s identity and character and the ro le it plays in helping to ward o ff feelin g s o f guilt and anxiety.19 T he Hindu com m unity has tried to m ould th e character and personality o f its w om en according to th e ideal sym bolized by Sita, w hich incorp orates chastity, purity and sin ­ gular faithfulness.20 Further, a g irl’s identification with Sita help s h er ren ou n ce, as sh e must, the prom iscuous sexual fantasies o f childhood, co n cen trate all ero tic feelin g exclusively o n o n e man, and avoid all occasions for sexual tem ptation and tran s­ gression.21

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For Mathuram Bhootalingam , however, Sita is a m ore univ­ ersal concept. She is the cosm ic fem inine aspect that dw ells in every man. The myth allows us to gauge how this aspect influ­ en ces Rama to becom e involved less in achievem ents and m ore in the ongoing process o f creativity. Thus, Sita rem inds Rama o f his own fem ininity, inner softness and frailty, which he must face in his voyage toward self-realization.22 We m entioned earlier that myths have the capacity o f bringing out life ’s fullness and com plexity, and we would like to return to this them e now. What Nietzsche attacks in m odern culture is that it overestim ates consciousness without in co r­ porating the instinctive. In this connection, the role o f myths is valuable for myths provide a system o f unconscious, non-conceptual know ledge, a pattern o f im m ediate responses uniting all participants in a given culture.23 Today, th e word myth refers to both ‘fiction’ and ‘illu sion ’. But M ircea Eliade also sees myth as a ‘true story’ as it was u nder­ stood in archaic societies. It is ‘tru e’ because it is sacred, exem plary and significant and recalls the fabled tim e o f the ‘b e ­ ginnings’.24 Myths, as a com plex cultural reality, have been approached from various viewpoints. Let us cite a few: Claude Lévi-Strauss co n ced es that myths revolve around with problem s and contradictions in society, provide a logical m odel for over­ com ing contradictions such as that betw een desire and reality, the individual and society;25 myths seem to reco rd and legitim ize social institutions (B. M alinowski);26 the collective mind reveals itself in myths (E. D urkheim );27 for S. Freud, dream s and myths often work in a sim ilar way - they can each uncover certain configurations o f the unconscious mind and are a w ish-fulfillm ent fantasy;28 C. Jung, however, considers myths as revelations o f the ‘collective unconscious’. They also unfold nor­ mative psychic tendencies linked with the problem s both social and person al.29 What the above-m entioned approaches found in myths is what they have read into them. It rem ains to be seen what

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w om en see in myths, w hether they structure and define the m eaning o f th eir lives mythically. We shall exp lo re this in the next section. Myths speak out in th eir own style w hen the co m ­ m otion accom panying social changes intensifies th e tension betw een rem em bering and forgetting. D oes this, then, imply a spontaneous creation o r dissipation o f Sita-consciousness? O r is the mythic mind fabricating its own mythology? We shall now present in first person accounts th e responses o f our subjects in relation to the myth o f Sita and its significance in th eir lives.

Bharati Bharati belongs to the upper m iddle class. At the age o f thirty, she is separated from h er husband and is living on h er own in Delhi. A post-graduate, she works as an editorial assistant and free-lance w riter. “In my childhood ,” she says, “at the age o f five, I was sent away to the hostel, a convent. So my upbringing was slightly different from that o f an average Hindu girl. Sin ce I was brought up in a Christian atm osphere, so the concept o f Sita was not so strong in my upbringing. W henever I cam e hom e, I was thrown betw een two cultures, two thoughts and two religions. I was, th erefore, a very confused child - what to b eliev e and what not to believe. But when I cam e hom e I had a totally different atm osphere. My father was an atheist, and my m other was religious - involved superficially in Vratas’, ‘pujas’, ‘Ram lila’, etc. As a child, seeing Ramlila was a great ex p erien ce - I belong to Mathura and they specialize in Krishnalila and Ramlila. So these characters o f Rama and Sita w ere there with m e ever since my childhood. My m other was not the ideal m other, n eith er was she the ideal wife. Yet she had the con cep t o f Sita. She w ould always tell m e to b e virtuous and that I should listen to my husband and be faithful to him. But I never got down to having faith in the character o f Sita. O ne should b e faithful to a person becau se you love a person, not because you are m arried to a person. When I grew up, I found that I was attracted to boys, and I

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had a couple o f affairs with very m iserable endings. But n on e o f them really gave m e the faith that man is so great that he can be the em bodim ent o f Rama. So if h e is not, then, I am not expected to act like Sita. Besides, I felt I should have my own personality away from the man. I should be because I am. Virtue could not be forced onto me.... Maybe I was lucky or unlucky to witness these couples who w ere not faithful to each other. That is why, in fact, this image started breaking. I felt that every person is actually living his or her own life in his or her own little sphere. The relationship o f the husband and the wife is really on the sur­ face. Incidentally, it was a Christian couple I m et who w ere really faithful to each other. My friend ’s m other, I felt, was m ore o f a Sita than, maybe, my own m other despite the fact that she was not a Hindu. She was an ideal woman for me at that par­ ticular tim e. She was an ideal because she was in love with her husband and not only faithful unlike my m other, who was m arried to my father but did not love him. However, when I got m arried in 1983, it was a love-m arriage - in fact, we w ere living together befo re that for nine m onths. H ere is w here the con­ tradiction lies, when I look at it objectively. I felt that whatever was taught to me in my childhood was deep down inside me. I was, maybe, a conservative girl o r maybe I did have the idea o f Sita. W hen I started living with him, som ething nagged m e - I felt that I must get m arried. Strangely, my m other knew that I was living with him - she never o bjected to it. In fact, she set up our house. That was a very strange reaction from her. In her heart o f hearts she felt it was right. I was not scared o f social hang-ups. I could have stayed on living without getting m arried and acknowledging the relation­ ship, but my em otional needs becam e so great at that point and, all o f a sudden, I felt very insecu re for whatever reason. H ere, I must tell you that befo re my m arriage, I was having an affair with a man. He was much old er than me - 15 years old er - and a family friend. I had known him ever since I was five years old. So he had taught me what is right and wrong, and I had great

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respect for him. W hen I was 22 years old, I cam e to D elhi, and he was an active w orker o f a street theatre group, w h ere I was also involved. I had Leftist leanings and, em otionally, I was dependent on him as my father had just exp ired at that tim e. Maybe it was a father-fixation. He had brought m e books sin ce my childhood, and I had no reasons not to believ e him. S o o n er or later, everyone thought that we w ould get m arried, but h e would evade the subject. He was unm arried but o n ce, w hen I corn ered him , he m entioned his com m itm ent to an o th er woman, who was carrying his child. That cam e as a very big b lo w to me. It was maybe the reason for my breaking away from th e Left m ovem ent becau se he had-introduced m e to it. After b e in g with him for th ree years, it was a very big shock. I was shaken to the roots and, I guess, my insecurity started from th ere b ecau se I didn’t understand it then. My husband knew about it. Till the tim e we w ere not m a r­ ried, we w ere very good friends - we shared a lot o f things. W ith my shattering ex p erien ces, the image o f Rama o r Sita was n e v e r there. I have absolutely no hang-ups about sleeping with a m an if he and I want to. If we have enough reasons to sleep - 1 d o n ’t think th ere is anything wrgpg in it, w hether I am m arried o r unm arried, w hether I am com m itted o r not com m itted. Anyway, we got m arried. All the tim e all kinds o f things started co m ing up. I m ean, I liked to co ok for him, give him hot food and lik ed serving him. T hese things w ere not in m e, and it w ent to an extent that I was shouldering all sorts o f responsibility, was b u r ­ dened with manual w ork o f him , social needs, etc. He gave up his job , and I gave him all my love, affection and lib erties b u t burdened m yself with exactly the sam e things any traditional Indian w oman would do. From five in the m orning to late at night, I was loaded w ith work both at hom e and the office. For th ree and a half years o f my m arriage I didn’t w rite a single line. I was the o n e to c o o p ­ erate after o u r quarrels. But th ere it is, I was doing all kin d s o f things for my husband becau se I wanted to b e an ideal w ife. H e

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wanted to go away for four years, and I agreed. He just w ouldn’t be both ered to help me even when his m other joined us. She was a very conservative lady, and I looked after her. She was so conservative that she would take her bath with mud and wash her clothes with mud. I did everything becau se she was his m other. So with both my husband and mother-in-law, it was a one-way relationship. All the w hile I was m arried I felt I could not go out with another man - 1 should not, i.e., I should not have an em otional involvement. However, I attributed my ‘should’ behaviour to my insecurity and not the Sita-ideal. Now I d on ’t believ e in the Sita-ideal, m ore so, because what I have ended up with is indifference and drudgery after b ein g honest in my relationship with my husband. I am not b itter about it, but now I’ll have a relationship on my term s and never give up my indep endence and se lf to anyone. I w on’t give that right to anyone. Today if I had a good relationship I w ouldn’t want to marry. But if I could trust a man, I d on ’t mind being like Sita - if only he is Rama. The strength o f a relationship lies in maturity. These ideals have b een handed down to us from ages, but I want to get over with it. The image o f Sita has b een purposefully given to us so that we feel glory in our martyrdom. We feel we are honoured to do service for the man and, in fact, women feel n ice about it. My m other is proud o f it - for a husband o r son, who may b e a bigger waster. This is very hum iliating. If you have a servant, you are paying him , and he raises his voice at times becau se you are not paying him enough. You can ’t beat him becau se h e ’ll hold your hand but, if you start making the servant believe that he has been honoured in serving, h e ’ll never raise his voice. He will never ask to b e a person in his own right, which is what we have learnt in a very good way and we keep teaching our daughters the sam e thing over and over again. Now if I had to sacrifice, I’d think about it a hundred times beforehand. I would suffer for a person whom I love, to the exten t that h e gains from it and so am I. Suffering is som ething

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that belon gs to my past becau se now I have learnt not to trust blindly. I have learnt to be m ore sen sible today. I wanted to have ch ild ren becau se I loved children, but I aborted. Now I ca n ’t have children. I wasted many years. My fulfillm ent o f my p erso n ­ ality lies in writing. Now it is high tim e I cam e out o f the co co o n and w rote.”

Kavita Kavita hails from an upper caste, upper-m iddle class background. A graduate, form erly working as a h ou se-k eep er in a hotel and now in a hospital in D elhi, she has b e e n m arried twice. At thirty-one, she is the m other o f a two-year old child and is separated from h er second husband. She relates: “E arlier I was a very hom ely person and not very bold. I w orked with my father for four years after my graduation and then g ot m arried. Friends and family had im parted the ideal o f Sita to me. I had an arranged m arriage, and my husband hap­ pened to b e very possessive and conservative though his c o l­ leagues wanted me to b e outgoing. But his word was final; I was Mr. Kumar’s wife. Then he w ent abroad, got involved in business and lost his mental balance. I brought him back and in those two m onths o f crisis I gained confidence. Though he was nice, yet he gave im portance to his m other, and I was always secondary. He never returned hom e as he com m itted suicide. T hereafter, my in-laws’ attitude changed, and they held me guilty. The sam e Kavita was lucky for him w hen, in o n e m onth’s tim e, he got his prom otion; and unlucky later. It was very shocking for me. I was twenty-two years old and had no child. After ten days from his death, my in-laws w ere m ore w orried about th e property and made m e sign the legal docum ents. T h eir so-called m odernity shocked me. G irls, I feel, are b etter than guys, but still m en have the upper hand on them. W omen d on ’t like it, but they cannot revolt. W hen you ex p erien ce a dom inating husband, you d o n ’t feel lik e being Sita becau se m en have double standards. At hom e

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they are goody-goody and in the office they have affairs, but they d on ’t allow their wives to do it. If you love a man, you will do what Sita has done, even today. But now w om en are also changing. I think that period was good, when Sita used to do this and that for Rama, th ere was mutual understanding. You d o n ’t have to b e Sita as such, but if you love your husband you will do the same. Today, both dirty husbands and dirty wives should not b e tolerated.... Anyway... so I have got m arried again after a gap o f five years at the age o f twenty seven. I regret being m arried again. Because o f social pressure, I took a wrong d ecision and opted for my second m arriage. I didn’t want a husband who drank, but that is what I got. He prom ised to leave drinks sin ce he liked m e and wanted to marry me. He w orked in a hotel and did som e business. My father asked me to give him a chance to transform becau se one has to trust som ebody. I didn’t want my parents unhappy, so I sacrificed, but, from one co rn er in my heart, I felt I was doing som ething wrong. In the first two m onths he insisted on having drinks, and I w ouldn’t let him have drinks. My m arriage broke becau se of drinks. After drinking, he expected me to serve him food, etc., at twelve o ’clo ck at night. He created scenes at his friend s’ place. His parents are nice, but I have a grudge against my m other-inlaw. She apologized, but that will not solve my problem . I wasted th ree good years. So, tell m e, how can a woman b eco m e Sita? I have a child from him who is two years old, and I left him nine m onths ago. O ne day he was put behind bars becau se he created a scen e after drinking. I paid fifteen thousand ru pees as bail and then left him the next day. Every fifteen o r twenty days he would beat m e becau se I refused to sleep with him after drinks. M oreover, he did not want m e to m eet my parents. I gave up my job, friends, parents, etc., just to save my m arriage but, finally, I left him. He wasted his money, and I had to run the house within hundred rupees. When I had my child, he fought with me in the nursing hom e and turned out my m other from there. Maybe, the ego destroys

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a m an’s life. My husband was very jealou s and possessive. He could not take any o n e else praising me. Beauty and personality o f w om en b o th er him. He w eeps for the child, but now it is too late. Now I have got a good jo b in a hospital as an executive hou sekeep er. I w on’t take crap anym ore and I’ll find a man when I need one. The child will stay with me till he is five - later we shall see what happens. See, I looked after him like a child. I fulfilled my duty by being a devoted wife becau se the Sita-ideal cam e back to m e. Men in ou r society like w om en to be Sitas, but w om en d o n ’t want to b eco m e Sitas. Yet Sita rem ains a m odel, and not Radha, becau se she is characterless, and o n e always sacrifices for th e husband but never for the lover. People always want to turn away the lover, even if she is Radha. Sita, for m e, was a super-woman. Today w om en can ’t do it. I w orship her. She did so much on h er own - she was dynam ic and independent, and that is what we are fighting for today. S u b ­ consciously I wanted to be Sita, but I d o n ’t trust husbands. T h ere was a tim e I wanted to com m it suicide. For the past ten years I have b een suffering as a widow and then, I worked fo r'te n to fifteen hours daily. I saw my parents suffering becau se o f m e, and I was jealous to see others enjoying life. But I never felt guilty. My co n scien ce is clear and eventually it pays off. Today, my form er in-laws are inquiring about me becau se th eir o th er son also died in an accident. The day I left th eir house I cu rsed them , and today they are all by them selves with a mad daughter to b e taken care of. See, if I had b een with them , I w ould have looked after them. Mind you, even my second husband wants m e back becau se I have a clear co n scien ce. He was m arried ea rlie r, too, and his previous wife also left him becau se o f his drinks and habits. Even I did not feel like making love to him. He used to force me, and it repulsed me. I hated him. Even if he touched m e I felt as if som e insect was on me. O nce I even wanted to kill him and cried w hile being beaten up. Then, in front o f him , with a knife, I tried to kill myself as well. Anyhow, now I am lookin g

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forw ard to the divorce. For me, as long as the Sita-ideal is there, th e r e is no harm. But if as a wife o n e has to b e Sita, it is not p o s­ s ib le ."

Mrs. Kapur S h e is forty-five years old, educated up to Matric and works as a clerk . She is from an upper caste and m iddle-class background; s h e has lived separate from h er husband with h er four daughters fo r the last th irteen years. She narrates : “I feel that the ideal o f Sita exists becau se she was a pativrata, she went to the woods with h er husband. Today w om en are n ot like her, but m en, too, are not like Rama. A man wants all the happiness for h im self but not for his woman. Rama was very dif­ feren t. He spread happiness around, didn’t hurt o r harm anyone, did n’t utter a word against anyone. Today, a man wants his wife to b e his slave. After all, even w om en want freedom áfter their m arriage. We w ere six sisters and had no brother. I had an arranged m arriage. My m other-in-law did n’t ask for dowry, but after the m arriage they started crticizing me. So I left my husband and brought my daughter with me to this flat. He used to fight a lot with m e on the pretext o f bringing insufficient dowry. He was doing business, but I m anaged the dom estic expenditure with my own pay. After I shifted into this house, he cam e h ere six months later. Now I have four daughters, and he visited me o n ce a fortnight. He com es at night, sleep s, has breakfast and goes away in the m orning. T hese oth er three children have b een forced onto me, and I d o n ’t love him. He lives so far away that I don’t even know w hether he has another woman. Frankly speaking, I d on ’t have any tim e for the man when I have to take care o f my children. I didn’t get happiness from him, but now I feel my children will stand by me. My old er girl is in the ninth class, so what is the point o f getting m arried now. You see, Rama suspected Sita only after Ravana took her away, but befo re that he fulfilled her wishes. I have b een suffering immensely. If one

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cannot get a m an’s support at this age, it is pointless to have it later in life. I am not scared o f living alone. God gives me strength. Rama respected Sita who had a very strong character, but today a woman is meant to b e dow ntrodden. Today w om en d on ’t have Sita’s ideal. Everyone suffers becau se people are not faithful to each other. My husband had the right to give birth to children but never thought o f taking care o f them. Sita asked her son Lav and Kush not to fight against th eir father Rama - I stop my daughters from going to his house. The children have been badly affected by it. My old er daughter taunts me and her father as well. So he abuses her, and she blam es him for bringing h er into this world. I was willing to pay for his petrol so that he would com e m ore regularly, but he refuses to leave his m other and the six sisters who have been very cru el to me in the past.... When I shifted into this house he would com e and check me up at two o ’clock at night. He was very suspicious. As it is, I got m arried late and, then, out o f respect for my parents, I did not divorce him Now I am attached to him only for the ch ild ren ’s exp en d i­ ture. How can I care for such a man, who beat me up too. He has behaved badly with me as I refused to live with his m other. She starved me for six m onths when I was expecting my first child. My sister would bring food for me daily. Then, at another point, I was in my eighth m onth o f pregnancy and my m other-in-law kicked me in the stom ach - I had pains and two hours later, I gave birth to my son, w ho died immediately. I left my husband, but he would com e back to me. For Hindu w om en, if a man com es to your door, you have to respect him. It is against human nature - you have to give w ater even to your enem y when h e knocks at your door. But basically I have b een very indifferent towards him. Som etim es, when my children trou ble me, I wish for a co m ­ panion even though all my relatives are there to look after m e. Man, I feel, is just hungry for the sexual act. That is why he goes to women - but man loves sex and not the woman. Though a

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w om an gets affected and falls in love with a man, but actually she w ants to hold on to him. If I want m en around I can have them , b u t I d on ’t want it so. However, a man can still force a woman to sle e p with him as he likes to dom inate her. My husband reads the Ram ayana every day, but he is never affected by it. Yes, if he apologizes and wants to join m e, I ’ll forgive him. W ell, if you see Rama in the ro le o f a son, he obeyed h is parents and took care o f them . From that angle my husband is doing the sam e - then, his character is greater than Rama even. Nothing, how ever, for his wife o r children. Today, I am living like an ascetic, and my life is devoted to the fulfillm ent o f my ch ild ren ’s desires. Sita’s ideal was follow ed by my parents, but today women d on ’t em ulate h er.”

Mrs. Lai An ex p o rter and a graduate, sh e com es from the upper-m iddle class and upper caste. M arried at the age o f twenty, she is now forty-four and lives with h er husband and three children in D elhi. Follow ing are excerpts from h er interview: “Sita was an ideal Indian woman - loyal, follow ed her husband in his good and bad tim es, went to the forest for fourteen years. It is quite cred itable. Coming from a royal family, she still lived in the forests without com forts and never com ­ plained. She kept her sanctity and did not fall into Ravana’s trap, gave ‘agni-pariksha’ - she proved h erself to be a lady o f good character. Though Rama was a loyal husband but for w hen he banishes h er w hile she is expecting just because som ebody puts an allegation. I think it was very unfair and unjust. In India, men are always right even though a woman has sacrificed everything for them throughout their life. But if one little finger is pointed towards them - unless, o f course, the man is very strong - the woman usually suffers. T h erefo re, Rama was a weak man because he believed a w asherm an and didn’t protect his wife. Being a ru ler does not mean that you have to prove anything to your peop le. You should have the authority and convince them.

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Rama should have made su re that the washerm an brought his wife back, otherw ise everyone will have to turn out th eir wives and that, too, becau se o f so m eo n e e ls e ’s fault. Today’s w orld is still a m an’s w orld in the sen se that rela­ tions (fam ily and friend s) play a very im portant ro le in a m an’s life. So a woman after m arriage is totally dependent on h er in­ laws. This m eans severing ties with old friends and being a goody-goody Sati-Savitri - at least you have to give the appear­ ance. O therw ise, you are branded as having no character. Though I had an arranged m arriage, my husband and I met and went out together. My in-laws w ere very orthodox. I was feeling apprehensive becau se th eir sem i-rural style o f living was oppressive for me. G irls w ere absolutely dom inated by men and not appreciated at all. Though I perform ed my duty, we lived separately and, th erefore, I had my freedom . I stayed alone for m onths w hile my husband travelled, but I could not do anything which my husband did not like, for exam ple, go out to parties with men or his friends o r go out alone nor did I entertain them at hom e. This, however, is right because som e o f o u r friends who did so w ere wrong, becau se even if you d o n ’t have any intention, the o ther person can take advantage. T h erefo re, I have done the right thing - becau se you have to appear to b e right also. If you have to live together, you have to be faithful to each other. If the husband m akes a mistake, she has to forgive him. I d on ’t believe in m odernity, w here you have affairs. Sita influenced my behaviour in the sense that I should be an ideal wife and m other, but I cou ld n ’t take the fact that Rama turned her away. She should have broken away from him. She didn’t - it was Rama who sent her out - that, too, in a very hypoc­ ritical m anner. He asked Lakshmana just to make an excu se, without giving h er a chance to explain herself, and left h er in the forest. That part is wrong. I have been m arried for twenty-four years and have th ree children. After fifteen years o f my m arriage I began w orking. Though b efo re that I participated in all the com petitions as a

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naval o fficer’s wife, my in-laws did not accept my w ork situation. Even if they mind, I do not pay attention to their criticism . In my m arriage, I was bein g taken for granted. I took care of the ch ild ren and relatives. I felt bogged down and so decided to go in to business. Earlier, th ere was a lot o f opposition. Our rela­ tives stopped visiting us. I tried to please them , but my health suffered the most. We are not given the freedom to succeed in o u r lives. If girls follow a career in ou r com m unity, they will not b e taken in m arriage. I suffer in my life becau se my husband does not cooperate. I am supposed to cook w hen the co ok is not there. He wants to b e served. Mostly m en are like that though I have trained my son differently. In fact, I was forced to give up my w ork because children w ere not doing w ell in th eir studies, and it was seen as my fault. My husband could not understand and adjust. Instead it was an argum ent. Som etim es I felt terrible. Having parties till late is still a b o n e o f contention. At tim es I felt I should leave him because I did everything, I have always stood up for what he wanted. Then I thought that the ch ild ren would suffer. Now he is better. My husband didn’t mind me m ixing with his friends; but the m om ent the w ife is praised, men cannot take it. They feel as if they are less efficient. His friends started com ing to the house because o f m e and not because o f him. He did not like that; therefore, he slowly withdrew. Basically, m en are possessive. Even I didn’t like my husband visiting his woman friends. The beating o f society makes Indian w om en strong. Em o­ tionally and physically w om en are stronger. A man suffering from a headache is good for nothing.... I have inculcated tradi­ tional values in my daughters. Faithfulness and devotion to the family is important. I have always felt hurt becau se my husband never took a stand to p rotect me. So I have told my son to always take a stand and p rotect his wife. Men are egoistic, and women are becom ing egoistic today. A man feels happy if the woman is adjusting, but does not like it

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if a woman keeps w eeping and suffering. Men lik e strong w om en. In that way, Sita was a very strong person - sh e raised th e children in h er own way. Today w om en don't have the pow er. W omen should have Sita as th eir ideal, but they d on’t have her. Today wom en are not confident o f them selves - they are very insecure. T h erefo re, they will gain if they have Sita as th eir m odel.” Based on the m aterial presen ted , let us now look at the pat­ tern s that em erge. D espite the fact that th e mythic quality o f Sita’s life in the classical text is denoted by the ex p erien ce o f a special ch ild ­ hood, w ifehood and m otherhood , she is seen, still today, prim arily as the devoted and chaste wife o f Rama. H er bein g cannot b e dichotom ized by characteristics such as activity and passivity, pow erfulness and w eakness, defiance and com pliance. D epending on the situation, all the above traits are d iscern ib le in h er character. At all tim es, we find in Sita a person who pos­ sesses self-aw areness. She not only determ ines the m ode o f her birth, h er parents and status, but also the tim e and nature o f h er death. Sita is not m erely con sciou s o f her life and death but, m ost o f all, the m eaning o f h er life. At every critical ju n ctu re in her life Sita ch o oses o r decides for herself. Her social con text eventually leads to suffering and calls for sacrifice, and it is difficult to say w hether it is h er asceticism o r h er capacity to suffer in love that grants h er strength o f character. N evertheless, in the end, Sita abandons everyone including h er husband Rama, whom she loves despite his u nreasonable attitude and behaviour towards her. By disap­ pearing from his life, she sim ply faces the situation o f unlovability and rejectio n o f her rom antic-self, although, she dispenses with widow hood as well. H er special absen ce b eco m es a special p resen ce. Romilla Thapar m entions that the popularity o f Sita is not m erely due to the d elib erate propagation o f Sita as an ideal wom an in p referen ce to so many oth er fem ale figures. She argues that, at the su bcon sciou s level, h er popularity may b e due

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to our seeing h er as a woman who finds h er own way to release h e rse lf from hardships.30 Reality today is not blissfully clear and devoid o f contrad ic­ tions. O ur subjects view Sita as a faithful and obed ien t wife, a pow erful woman, a martyr, and a good m other. Yet they do not uphold the ideal o f Sita. Rather, Indian men seem to think o f Sita as the ideal wife mainly becau se o f her famed purity and virtue. For w om en today, Sita has a norm ative existen ce but not an e x is­ tential one. As one respondent put it, ‘ I w orship Sita, but, in real life, if as a wife one has to be Sita, it is not p o ssib le.’ So women who professed to have the Sita-ideal behaved to the contrary. For instance, Mrs. Kapoor believes in the ideal, but had to leave h er husband after two years o f m arriage and is now raising four daughters on her own. The struggle o f daily life does not give h er the opportunity to realize that ideal. Also, even if Kavita wanted to em ulate Sita by being a devoted wife, she could not. “You don’t feel like being Sita,” she says, “because m en have double standards, and I d on ’t trust husbands.” Paradoxically the women who denied having the Sita-ideal in fact found them ­ selves basing th eir conduct on it. For instance, Bharati never had the Sita-ideal becau se she was raised in a convent school-hostel. Since men w ere not Ramas, she believes, wom en cannot be expected to be Sitas. She says: ‘With my shattering exp erien ces, the image o f Rama o r Sita was never th e re ’.... ‘No, I d on’t believe in the Sita-ideal.’ Yet, she exp erien ced the consciousness o f Sita creep into h er life befo re m arriage and during h er three and a half years o f m arried life. For her, ‘H ere is w here the co n ­ tradiction lies. I felt that whatever was taught to me in my childhood was deep inside me. I was maybe a conservative girl or maybe I did have the idea o f Sita. When I started living with him, som ething nagged me - 1 felt that I must get m arried.’ She adds: ‘I liked to cook for him, give him hot food and liked serving him. These things w ere not in me, and it went to an extent that I was shouldering all sorts o f responsibility.’ For Mrs. Lai, it is not only important to have the Sita-ideal,

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but one must be able to be like her. O ne must su rrender to and acknow ledge o n e ’s com m itm ent even if Mrs. Lai admits a degree o f resentm ent. “At tim es,” she says, “I felt I should leave him because I did everything and I have always stood up for what he wanted.” But she d o esn ’t leave him because ‘Sita influenced my behaviour in the sense that I should be an ideal wife and good m other even though I suffer in my life becau se my husband does not co o p erate.’ Mrs. Kapoor suffers a sim ilar though m ore acute conflict: ‘T hese other th ree child ren have b een forced onto me and I d on ’t love him .... ‘For Hindu w om en,’ she adds, ‘if a man com es to your door, you have to respect him ’ and forget about his wrong-doings over the last thirteen years. Central to the Sita m odel governing the relationship betw een a man and a woman is what may b e called ‘a devotional relation ’ outside history, i.e., a devotion that no societal ex p erien ce in tim e and space can abolish o r contradict. Experience only deepens o r refurbishes this relationship. The m ore one suffers, the m ore devoted one grows. No amount o f suffering leads to disillusionm ent or disenchantm ent. This seem s to be the civilizational quality o f m en-w om en relation­ ships in India. W omen tend to react to tension in family life and anger in th eir relationships with m en by com m itting suicide or seeking som e sort o f personal religiosity, i.e., devotional religious ex p erien ce through w hich one counters doubts and distrust with increasing su rrender and trust in the prayer that it will all work out for the best. W omen seem to be convinced that, if they devote them selves sufficiently, they will b e accepted and secu re enough and thereby attain som e sort o f liberation. This is the co re o f the Rama-Sita relationship, and it perm eates the ex p erien ce o f all our subjects, entering their lives in different ways and at different stages. Torn by contradiction and pain, the only solace that seem s to rem ain available to them is on the devotional plane. Availing them selves o f this option also becom es a defence m echanism against their unpleasant em o­ tional reality, som ething which w om en do very naturally.

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Sita’s suffering seem s to be perfect, and she endures it g lo ri­ ously in h er relationship with h er husband. W omen today also' suffer in their relationships with m en and mothers-in-law, but the suffering is not as glorious. Som e o f our subjects would not mind enduring a Sita-like suffering o r sacrifice if only they loved their husbands o r their husbands behaved like Rama. As it was, Mrs. Kapoor left h er husband after two years o f her m arriage, but subsequently b o re him to th ree m ore daughters. Bharati feels that she behaved like Sita in her relationship with her hus­ band, though it brought h er only drudgery and indifference. As a result, she walked out o f her m arriage and stopped being a martyr. In Kavita’s case, she suffered in both o f her marriages and tried to com m it suicide once. She tried to em ulate Sita by being supportive to h er husbands, but this only brought her g rief and she now refuses to suffer anymore. This shows that, even if wom en today are able to decide for them selves and possess self-aw areness, they are still w illing to suffer in love like Sita. T h ere are cases, o f course, when w om en face such pain and discontent that they are no longer capable o f transcending their suffering. As we have seen , the Sita-ideal exists in India for women to either reject or em ulate. This m ythological m odel exists as a referen ce point by which wom en evaluate the em otional and moral dim ensions o f their lives. The general aw areness o f Sita as a m odel o r ideal does not mean that everyone shares exactly the sam e image o f Sita. Fortyeight m illion Indians watched the serialized Ram ayana epic on television, and th eir reactions w ere varied. Newspapers and magazines carried articles criticizing the serial for destroying the spirit o f the epic and depicting Sita in a grotesqu e manner. If som e relished the unimaginative picturization o f the epic, others, particularly w om en, protested against Sita’s portrayal in the serial on the grounds that it was likely to legitim ize the crim e o f sati and project a negative image o f w om en.31 This prom pted som e critics to propose that Bankim Chandra’s essay

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on ‘Ramayana A lochana’ b e serialized sin ce it portrays Sita as anything but d ocile and servile.32 For Caroline M ackenzie, on the other hand, Sita incarnates the inspiration and sublim ation o f woman as a creative artist. She sees Sita not only as the ‘ideal woman, wife and m other’ o f Hindu tradition, but as the sym bol o f the creative artist, adventurous in spirit and im bued with im m ense individuality, the artist w ho is able to seek out h er own exp erien ces, face social upheaval without cutting h erse lf o ff from tradition.33 According to this view, the suffering o f Sita would seem ingly not result from h er husband’s callousness. She rem ains independent o f th e unresponsive and im pervious Rama, and h er vulnerability and h er capacity to suffer involves an integrity o f its own. People today can live without myths, producing, in their stead, a variety o f philosophies o f life and hum anistic approaches to existence. Mythic prescriptions are thus displaced by non-mythic exp ressions that reflect values associated with human interaction. At present, we find p eop le w ho resp ect th eir m ythological heritage as w ell as p eople who discard. The latter view myths as society’s way o f pressurizing individuals to conform w hile masking a gen d er and class in terest in the garb o f cultural values. Let us now return to the questions form ulated earlier. The image o f Sita becom es a sedim entation o f the past w hich w om en today, we find, do not accept sin ce they are prisoners o f the p re ­ sent, fabricating their personal mythology, o r they distance them selves from th eir mythic past so that they can ex p erien ce the influence o f the an cien t myth on th eir lives and its meaning. So, the lives o f w om en m anifest a being ‘according-to-the-possib le ’ w hile guided by bein g ‘in-possibility’.34 In a way, the m ythological past b eco m es real and m ean­ ingful when it helps us to com e to term s with fo rces b e they benign o r malignant, uncanny or familiar. For us, o u r p resent minus the pain o f our daily-struggle b eco m es our m em orable past. M oreover, all forgetting is reification resulting from the

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repressive reality-principle. T h erefore, it is only reco llectio n that initiates liberation. Even if one wants to escape myths, it is difficult to ignore th eir significance as the sacred can re-em erge even in a secular age. The image o f Sita in m odern tim es makes w om en exp ress their being in a devotional relationship - which appears a trad­ itional fram ework. However, we cannot view w om en’s Sita-consciousness in term s o f tradition and m odernity as eith er a dichotom y or a continuum . Maybe certain universal elem en ts o f tradition do not fall away in m odern tim es, as is the case for the recognition o f suffering as a m eans to salvation. When you look at the ancient past and m odern w om en, the tension betw een change and continuity beco m es evident. We have seen h ere how the Sita-m odel exists both at-a transcendent level and in co n crete situations. T h ere is apparently a continuity o f Sita-consciousness against a background o f basic d iscon ­ tinuity. The interstice betw een two thoughts at any given tim e will shatter the illusion o f continuity. The task o f discovering the m eaning o f being in every epoch, h en ce, is forever new.

Caste Consciousness D espite legislative m easures, as w ell as the educational and technological revolution, the caste system still has a grip on Indian life. O ur data reveals that crises related to self-exp res­ sion, self-realization, achievem ent, w ill-pow er and self­ advancem ent express them selves through the phenom enon o f caste consciousness. W om en’s lack o f opportunity and the pressure to conform also contribute to w om en’s ad h erence to caste as a custom. According to Louis Dumont, castes refer to the social p rinciple o f hierarchy, w here hierarchy is view ed as residual o r inevitable inequalities o f aptitude and function.35 The caste system divides society into a large num ber o f hereditary groups, distinguished from o n e another and in ter­ con nected by th ree characteristics: separation in matters o f m ar­ riage and contact, w hether direct o r indirect (e.g. food ); division

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o f labour, each group having, in theory o r by tradition, a p ro ­ fession from w hich their m em bers can depart only within certain lim its; and, finally, hierarchy, w hich ranks the group as relatively su perior o r inferior to o n e another.36 For Senart, it is not the caste but the sub-caste which in reality bears som e o f the most im portant characteristics o rd i­ narily attributed to caste. You do not, for exam ple, marry just anyone within your caste, but usually ch o ose a m ate within your sub-caste. It is also the sub-caste w hich has judicial institutions: it m eets as an assem bly with a defined jurisdiction and has the pow er to excom m unicate m em bers. Dumont points out that, on being asked about o n e ’s caste (jati), one might indicate w hich o f the four vam as one belongs to, give a caste title o r o n e ’s caste o r nam e o n e ’s sub-caste o r even specify the exogam ous section (cla ss) to w hich o n e belongs. Caste (jati) connotes above all birth and the hereditary group, and, w hile it corresponds mostly to endogamy and to bilateral transm ission, it in no way exclu des unilateral tran s­ m ission and exogamy. It is what is called a referen ce group.38 Further, other scholars observe that fem ale sexual purity has b een associated with the m aintenance o f caste purity. Relative purity and impurity ascribed to various castes form s the basis o f hierarchy. H ence, it becom es a social im perative to maintain the purity o f blood in ord er to retain individual ritual standing within the caste group. As is well-know n, Dumont holds that the political and econ om ic dom ains o f social life in India are encom passed by ‘r e ­ lig ion ’. T h erefore, the opposition o f purity and impurity is central to the understanding o f the caste system. The Brahm an em bod ies the religious principle w hile the king, who represents the political dom ain, is not only in ferior to the Brahman but also encom passed by him. In other words, the tem poral authority o f the king ranks low er and subordinate to the spiritual authority represented by Brahmans. Nicholas B. Dirks, in his ground1 breaking article, rejects Dum ont’s epistem ological prem ises -

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the central one being his a priori separation o f religion from politics. Dirks argues that religious institutions and activities are fundamental features o f the political system.39 The em blem s o f pow er are perm eated by the language and m odes o f worship. In other words, it was the dynamics o f pow er w hich played a central ro le in the social organization o f caste in pre-colonial In d ia T h erefore, even in pre-colonial India, hierarchical rela­ tions w ere structured prim arily not by the p rinciple o f purity and pollution,’ but by the notions o f royal ‘h on o u r’, ‘restriction’, ‘com m and’ and ‘o rd er’. Dirks may w ell b e right in asserting his point o f view, and it does make a lot o f sense. However, we found in our study that the idea o f purity and pollution does en ter the picture at least in term s o f structuring a segm ent of the hierarchy if not the en tire domain o f interpersonal relations. As we will see in the follow ing description, many w om en adopt a mixed stance vis-à-vis caste as a factor in shaping relations. For exam ple, a woman w ho is characterized as ‘unclean’ is em ployed as dom estic help to clean up part o f the house and wash clothes. However, this sam e maid is not allow ed to en ter the kitchen or even touch cooking utensils in adherence to the purity-pollution principle. It is equally obvious that a segm ent o f the hierarchy is governed by the notions o f ‘honour, restriction, command and o rd er’. The dilem m a betw een the two sets o f principles is quite pronounced in the m etropolis, w here poor migrant women are em ployed as dom estic help in upper-caste households. Because p eop le m igrate for work, cities bring together women from different castes as house-m istresses and maid se r­ vants. On one level, these wom en chat and create their own support linkages across caste barriers, w hile on another level, they humiliate, insult and discrim inate against o n e another. The house-m aids in our study say they have to maintain a suitable distance in th eir inter-caste interactions. Caste consciousness surfaces in interpersonal relationships betw een the upper-caste house-m istresses and low er-caste dom estic maid servants. For instance, we interview ed a Brahman graduate living in a flat in

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Usha Niketan (C ase No. 118). A m other o f two ch ild ren , sh e has a maid to help h er with all the washing, cleaning and sw eeping. However, she does not accep t any h elp from h er in the kitchen prem ises. ‘T hese w om en are not clean ’, she says. Case No. 11 expressed som ething qu ite sim ilar. She is also a Brahm an, ed u­ cated up to Matric, a m other o f four children and lives in R.K. Puram. She appears to b e a traditional woman w ho never steps out o f h er house. Even though she suffers from seriou s health problem s, panics over h er four children and to lerates h e r m other-in-law ’s criticism regarding the conduct o f dom estic affairs, she nevertheless rejects outright any assistance from se r­ vants. She says that they belon g to a low er caste and that th ese unclean w om en would p ollute h er house. We also cam e across a forty-year old Muslim woman w ho lives in Madangir and com m utes daily to a posh co lon y for work. She is illiterate, m arried, m other o f th ree children and lives in a joint family (Case No. 155). She has a m eagre in com e as h er husband is ailing and th erefo re unem ployed. She is upset and angered by the bad language her various hou se-m istresses use. She is forbidden to en ter the kitchen o r even touch any utensils. We also heard o f cases o f inter-caste com petition for procuring w ork in houses. A sixty-year old Jat woman (C ase No. 157) is illit­ erate, m arried, has two ch ild ren and lives in Madangir. Even at her age she has to earn a living as h er husband m et with an accident and lost his vision. She is totally help less and accepts any and all the abuse house-m istresses hurl at her. S h e also tells us that, many a tim e, o th er w om en w orkers have snatched work away from her and that she is invariably inadequately rem un­ erated since she is an o ld woman. Just as som e low er-caste w orking w om en m ention that their bosses seek sexual favours from them , dom estic maidservants also recount how they have had to succum b to p ressu re from their masters. By contrast, a m iniscule portion o f som e uppercaste and upper-class w om en report liaisons with eith er dom estic male-servants o r chauffeurs. Ironically, intercou rse

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with a woman from a low er caste does not seem to threaten a m an’s caste purity. He is considered to be only externally p ol­ luted and can clean se him self with a purificatory bath. A woman, on the other hand, becom es internally polluted by such a union. It looks, th erefore, as though most o f these men adopt a utilitarian approach towards caste. In ord er to satisfy their needs - material or non-m aterial - they deliberately transcend the sup­ posedly untranscendable boundaries. In day-to-day life, then, caste figures mostly as a regulating principle o f pow er relations not only in social, but also in interpersonal relations. For many w om en caste still seem s to determ ine their status as it affects, not in principle but in practice, values relating to their m arriage, dowry, divorce and widow re marriage. C onser­ vatives, th erefore, view any innovations leading to a new authen­ ticity and freedom as morally debilitating and thus underm ine them.

Religious Consciousness In our sam ple, middle-aged and old wom en tend to be m ore religious, especially widows. Few women, however, consciously rejected religion , and they happened to be highly politically conscious and o f an upper-class background. O ne such woman is an atheist and in h er fifties (Case No 136). She is a graduate and has b een a housew ife throughout her life. Her highly edu­ cated ch ild ren have had inter-religious and inter-caste m ar­ riages. She claim s to b e a m odern and progressive woman, who considers religion to be escapism. Som e o f th e educated working women we interview ed em phasized the intellectual and ideological aspect o f religion, i.e, they discussed the religious beliefs and knowledge they had derived from th eir respective faiths. Most tem ple-goers seem to have a w eaker b e lie f system and m ore o f a devotional involvem ent with religion. At an external level, this approach to religion could well serve as a symbol o f status or may be strengthening these w om en’s associational network. At an

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internal level, such religious ten d en cies may b e com patible with th eir psychic needs. Finally, th eir devotion, w hether intellectual or em otional, results in a form o f discipline. Ultimately these w om en end up disowning their egos, w hich also makes them go through a delearning process. Only a few educated w om en in our study feel that spirituality has little to do with being id en ­ tified with a particular religious group and that it transcends all form al exp ressions o f doctrine and practice. For these particular w om en, tapping into spirituality m eans developing th eir aw areness and pow ers o f the mind. The responsibility h ere shifts from the group to the individual w hose challenge is to understand the exp erien ce, purpose and meaning o f life on her own terms.

Religious Activities of Women Not only do most o f the women we talked to visit tem ples, but they daily perform many rituals such as tending their private shrines, meditating o r praying if not tw ice, then at least o n ce a day, attending preachings at local level, visiting gurus regularly, and going for pilgrim ages, etc. Fasting and follow ing com plex food restrictions also form a part o f their religious observance. Besides, women also attend public religious cerem o n ies and celeb rate festivals in large num bers. An extrem ely small prop­ ortion o f the respondents are attracted to various religious cults and sects which reportedly prom ise them to transform th eir suf­ fering instantaneously into happiness. We find that w om en’s involvement in religious groups creates private networks o f pow er and influence for them outside the family setting. Cases No. 63 and 153 illustrate this point. The first is thirty-seven years old, a graduate belonging to an upper-caste, upper-class, nuclear family. The m other o f two children, she enjoys freedom o f movem ent but is not perm itted to take up a job. She is a m em ber o f her colony’s religiou s association and regularly attends the weekly m eetings. The m em bers offer prayers and discuss their personal religious

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exp erien ces. She also has h er own guru , w hose discourses she never m isses. T hese activities seem to provide her an escape from h er feelings o f pow erlessness especially w hen she needs to balance the pow er and authority o f m en in h er dom estic domain. Som e w om en m entioned spirit-possession as did Case No. 153. Thirty-two years o ld and m arried, she is educated up to Interm ediate and is a housew ife. She com es from an uppercaste, upper-class nuclear family and she feels she com m ands a lot o f respect from everyone becau se a spirit visits her body. Her servants bear witness to what she reports. In listening to h er and o th er sim ilar stories, it struck us that these are m echanism s that might com pensate these w om en for th eir social inferiority. The woman might feel that she is not as highly educated as others in h er family. This may also grant spiritual legitim acy to h er sup­ pressed sexuality. W hatever the case, these w om en seem to ex e rcise pow er and influence over th eir family m em bers and relatives by interm ittently abandoning th eir identities to m ale or fem ale spirits through whom they act. By and large, wom en in our sam ple ex ercise th eir devotion both on a private and public basis. If intellectualization o f religion is on the in crease on o n e hand, so is group participation eith er in or out o f tem ples, m osques and churches. Religious shrines form a stable focus in these w om en’s lives. Migrants tend to travel to th eir native places for cerem on ial occasions. Som e o f our respondents, how ever, speak about the strains brought out by religion and tensions betw een old and new practices, betw een the old content and the new, especially in the context o f joint fam ilies.

Religion and Sexuality W hen it com es to arranging m arriages in India due consid er­ ation is given to caste and religiou s boundaries, though prestige and w ealth are equally im portant criteria. In view o f arranging her m arriage in the future, it beco m es a social im perative to

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co n tro l the sexuality o f an unm arried woman. It is relatively easier for m en to deny th eir pre- and extra-m arital relationships w hereas, for w om en, such liaisons prove far riskier. No w onder a w om an’s sexuality and chastity are socially co n tro lled b efo re and after m arriage if a w om an’s sexual reputation reflects on the fam ily’s reputation; th ere are dangerous im plications associated with h er reproductive capacity, and th ere exist enduring b eliefs that fem ale sexuality is potentially threatening to social institu­ tions. In ou r sam ple, Muslim w om en have larger fam ilies co m ­ pared to w om en from other religions. Sikh w om en enjoy a rela­ tively g reater freedom o f m ovem ent, w hereas Jain w om en rep o rt restricted m ovem ent and appear to b e the m ost conservative. G enerally speaking, w om en from all religions are passing through indeterm inate phases. They are undergoing suffering related to marital disharm ony as w ell as th eir sexual and rep ro ­ ductive status. WELS show an uneven pattern. Som e o f the Brahm an and Kshatriya WELS com plain about battering, marital disharm ony and health problem s w hereas rarely do any o f the Vaishya WELS. However, most o f the low er caste WELS m ention marital misery. By way o f illustration, let us p resent a few cases. Case No. 41 is a forty-year old, m arried school teacher. She is the m other o f th ree children and lives in a nuclear family in Kathwaria Sarai. She is a Brahm an, and h er family in com e is Rs. 1100 p er month. She perform s all the dom estic ch o res and participates in the family decision-m aking process. She appears to b e a traditional woman who does not enjoy freedom o f m ove­ m ent. She is an utterly dejected woman as she is over-w orked and is regularly beaten up by h er husband. Ever sin ce she has had an abortion she suffers from ill-health. To make m atters w orse, th ere exists a constant discord in h er conjugial relation ­ ship. Case No. 164 is a twenty-seven year old housew ife w ho has th ree children. She lives in a joint family in R.K Puram, belongs to the Kshatriya caste, and the family incom e is Rs. 500 p er

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month. Her education level is only up to the Higher Secondary. T here are ten m em bers in h er family, including her father-inlaw, m other-in-law , brother-in-law and sister-in-law. She p er­ form s all the household tasks, but decisions regarding the household expend itures are taken by the father-in-law solely. B efo re I could interview h er I had to seek perm ission from her father-in-law. Sh e takes beatings from her husband regularly and is also affected by the disreputable advances o f h er father-in-law. He demands sexual favours, she reports, w henever o ther w om en m em bers are away in the village. She seem s to be a m eek and d ocile woman, who probably is unable to take charge o f h e r life despite the fact that she is doing h er share o f the work. Finally, w e present the story o f a thirty-year old, illiterate woman who belon gs to a low er caste, nuclear family in Madangir (Case No. 158). She is a m other o f three children. Her husband d oesn ’t have a stable sou rce o f incom e and is mostly unwell. She works as a w asherwom an and brings hom e a m eagre Rs. 250 per month. Her life is rather m iserable as there is hardly any com ­ m unication with h er husband. She d oesn ’t mind his extra­ marital relationships but cannot put up with his irresp on sib le attitude towards h er family. He has exposed his children to the harsh w orld at a very young age by forcing them to earn money. She says that she cannot th erefore respect him. The end urance these women display seem s to show that w om en are endow ed with an inner pow er o r ‘Shakti’ that form s a dynamic com ponent o f their daily reality. O ne cannot m erely conceptualize this energy in term s o f the fem ale divinities. Indeed, the capacity to endure which w om en show in everyday family interactions is strikingly intense and moving. T h erefore, m ore than m erely codifying a w om an’s sexual com portm ent, religion - o r spirituality - endows woman with a unique pow er to confront the sexual demands and challenges o f Indian society.

Sociality, Sexuality and Spirituality Our study strongly indicates that w om en tend to mediate their

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sexuality through sociality and spirituality. They seem to vac­ illate betw een them as they develop eith er th eir sociality, sexu ­ ality o r spirituality exclusively, o r gradually develop all these to a certain degree sim ultaneously. Lévi-Strauss observes that w om en hold the u nique status o f duality. They are part o f cu lture for they have a social value and they are su bject to rules, but they are also part o f nature in that they give birth to those w ho exchange them . M arriage h en ce, elevates w om en from bio lo g ical stim ulant to a cultural symbol. Levi-Strauss’s analysis o f m arriage form s, as m odes o f exchange, encom passes w om en as o b jects o f exchange. He dis­ tinguishes betw een the ‘restricted exch an g e’ o f w om en that goes on betw een m oiety pairs implying bilateral cross-cou sin m ar­ riage and the gen eralized exchan ge’ that takes p lace betw een th ree o r m ore kin groups having an asym m etrical m arriage ru le (i.e., m arriage to the m o th er’s b ro th er’s daughter o r vice-versa). H ere marriage can take place betw een an unspecified num ber o f partners. Thus, these two m odels o f exchange give d irect recip ­ rocity, egalitarianism and relational en clo su re as th e criteria o f restricted exchange and ind irect reciprocity, h ierarchy and rela­ tional openness as the qu alities o f gen eralized exch an g e.40 J. Leslie points out that w om en are not given m o re prestige and im portance in religiou s roles becau se o f th e tension betw een asceticism and eroticism in religion. Asceticism is pos­ sib le for m en because they can give up the w orld after being involved in procreation. A man can practice sem inal retention whilst a woman cannot co n tro l h er bodily secretion s. Thus, the argum ent goes, m en have g reater spiritual o r relig iou s p oten ­ tial.41 Som e few o f our su bjects beg to differ. They feel that a w om an’s spiritual potential lies in the very fact o f th eir being biologically different. In trying to understand the spiritual dim ension o f w om en, we must refer to the tradi­ tional views held regarding w om en (this has b een dealt with in an ea rlier chapter - see the waxing and waning o f w om en’s pow er associated with th e M oon-cycle). Fem inists also point to

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the e x p erie n ce o f the divine within. They d escrib e it as a sacred pow er w ithin w om en and nature, th ereby suggesting a co n n e c­ tedness betw een w om en’s cycles - m enstruation, birth, m enopause - and the life and death cycles o f the universe. In this con text, religion fulfills deep psychic needs by providing sym bols and rituals that en able w om en to co p e with the ‘lim it’ situations in human life (death, evil, su fferin g) and to pass through life ’s im portant transitions (b irth , sexuality, death). This spiritual phenom enon on the personal level probably gives rise to the religiou s phenom ena at the social level. W om en use religion to m ediate betw een the contradictory forces which p er­ petuate and threaten the social structure by socializing th eir sex ­ uality through religion. The thesis at w ork h ere is that the dark side o f a w om an’s nature is lustful, heartless, disloyal and m ali­ cious but that she can overcom e this by su bscribing to and car­ rying out idealized fem ale roles. Finally, som e w om en in our sam ple feel that the religious ex p erien ce brings them to the threshold o f the ultim ate e x p eri­ en ce, that w hich crashes through the b arriers o f o n e ’s being to produ ce a oneness in w hich no alienation occurs. Alienation is gen erally seen to o ccu r when an individual perceives no m ean­ ingful relationship among his status, his identifications, his social relationships, his style o f life and his work. As life involves a continual process o f differentiation, such situations often arise. Religion also seem s to relieve guilt feelings which a large num ber o f our interview ees often ex p erien ce. W omen tend to be guilty as they react to norm ative systems with behaviour which is non-congruent with the norm s. T h eir actions are sequential in tim e, continuous, m ulti-faceted and non-repetitive, w hereas norm s rem ain tim eless, discontinuous, repetitive and one-dim ensional. Though th ere exists a perpetual contradiction betw een norm and activity, this does not mean that behavioural reality is unrelated to norm ative ideas. To conclude, even though religion constitutes an amorphous variable, it is n on eth eless an im portant factor, which shapes

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w om en’s identity and prescribes their activities. If, at o n e level, religion constrains, at another level, it frees women. It helps them to com m unicate, to com m une and to connect. O ur study clearly reveals that religion continues to play a crucial ro le in the lives o f w om en, though the religious com m itm ent is changing in form, from a ritualistic approach to m ore su btle forms o f intellectual ized spirituality. An extrem ely small p er­ centage o f wom en proclaim ed them selves atheists. By contrast, it seem s that a great num ber o f the wom en com m itted to religion are expressing their religiosity m ore publicly by seeking out devotional and preaching associations and n et­ works. Among non-Muslim women, we detect a growing popu­ larity o f the idea o f congregation. Obviously no ideal can be fully realized in real life, but utopias and ideals serve the im portant purpose o f inspiring indi­ viduals and allow ing them not to be subm erged in utter dejection and hopelessness. It is this inspiring aspect o f the Sitamyth which enters th e lives o f w om en and rationalizes their dayto-day oppressive ex p erien ces w hile encouraging them to perform the roles o f faithful wife, good m other, pow erful woman and martyr within the fram ework o f family ideology. The myth is nevertheless liberating in the sense that it continues to provide a sense o f o rd er, m eaning and satisfaction to w om en’s activities.

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CHAPTER

SEVEN

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M O T H E R H O O D AND S E X U A L I T Y : THE MODE RN MATRI ARCHS?

I n India, m otherhood is tied exclusively to marriage. In terestingly, it is o n ly in Indian myths that children are born outside "w edlock! in addition to the contradiction a woman e xp erien ces "BH w eenTieFprivate and publiç m i p s shp also faces the inhererrr conflict betw een h er m ^ t h p r l y a n H prnrir f a c e t s . Preserving her fem ininity while at the sam e tim e developing her com petitive se lf intensifies the strain betw een two m odes o f being that are p oles apart. Not surprisingly, we find many w om en who ex p erien ce a disjointed sense o f being or a fragm ented se lf in a constantly changing world. We shall now see how w om en born in such interesting tim es face its challenges and how their struggles transform them into m odern matriarchs, ^ e re fe r to th ose w om en, who have em erged from the process o f s tru g g le 's self-confident, authentic and powerful jprliviHnals as rp n rlp m 1

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m atriarchs. W om en’s life patterns and their path to self-realization are rather messy and bv no means straightforward. Let us look at the lives o f two w om en, Vaishali and G uneeta and see what m odern tim es entail.

Vaishali: Struggling fo r Independence an d Handling Depression Vaishali is a psychiatrist in h er late forties. She heads her household in a neoteric colony and narrates: “I am the eldest child, and, like it is in most Indian hom es, my m other left me with my grandparents - my nana-nani - because my sister was born two years later. My m other was seventeen years old, when

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I was born. So at nineteen, I doubt if sh e was ready to have another child. G oing by what my m other is now, I think probably she has always p referred to have a son. But, in my case, I cannot say becau se I was the first child. O f cou rse, my father always talked about how he had a certain pride in m e w hether I was a girl o r a boy. My earliest m em ories are with nana-nani... affectionate upbringing... but som ehow I rem em b er throw ing tem per tantrums, fussing and not eating, lots o f crying and, then, th ere are som e scen es w hich com e to m e from the partition period. I rem em b er my father being posted in som e service in the army and going to Calcutta. The only nice thing is the chocolates he sent. I was put in a sch o o l, and my m em ories are not very happy ones. I was dragged to the tonga - five, six o f us would go with an ayah (m aid ). ...Strange but unpleasant m em ories are com ing up... I was very, very clo se to my m aternal grand-parents and mamas (m aternal uncles). It was a large family. They are six broth ers, and I was the first grandchild, so they pam pered me. Then, I cam e back to my parents w hen I was five years old. T h ere was my younger sister, and as I grew up I was always jealous. I always felt that my m other loved her. Supposing th ere was an apple: if she wanted it, she got it; and if I wanted it, sh e would cut it into two halves, and my sister w ould have the ch o ice to pick up the one she liked. And I felt that h e r’s was the bigger half. However, my father always gave m e m ore im portance. For instance, he felt that I was a child o f In d epend ent India as with great pride he picked m e up on 15th o f August - Ind epend ence Day - as the flag was unfurled. ‘This is your life and your country’ - a m ixture o f pride and freedom has always b een there. My father join ed the G overnm ent Service and was posted from h ere to there. I fared well at school but had a com plex, was shy and withdrawn, especially at hom e. My father was a very dom ineering, successful man. W henever my father’s friend s cam e hom e, he w ould present me in the drawing room and my

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achievem ents w ere thrown in. 1 was em barrassed, as if my being there was not enough. My sister was fairer and healthier than me. My m other would get clothes stitched according to h er size, and we had to share them . So I am sure it has som ething to do with my com ­ plex. Then, my third sister was born. This tim e the jyotishi (a s­ tro lo g er) predicted it would be a boy. So ante-natal care was given to the child, and my m other was adm itted to the hospital w hereas we w ere born at home. I did feel inhibited in som e way w hile growing up and then, teenage life was rather difficult. We w ere living in old D elhi and th ere w ere sixteen flats - four flats on each floor. Right across was a family who had tw o-three young boys, probably in college. They would com e to our house and talk to us, with my m other constantly w atching and telling us that it w asn’t OK to talk to them. I used to p eep through the chik and watch them, although tneir sislei was frrenaT w ith us. S o m e h o w I had to hide my body. The physical developm ent was never discussed. The time had my period I had a HttIe~~spotting a n c f T w o u ld hide my salw ar (tro u sers) and wear a new one the next day till, one cray; one o f the girls said ro m e in s c h o ol; “T h e r e is h l o o d on ^onr leg .” And then 1 started crving. Even rhen, I put the salw ar in the * cupboard and did not want to talk to anyone at hom e. T h en , probably the next day, my m other som ehow found out and she «-'S3ig~to~iTie: "HOVv long has this been happening?... Its alright, it is only dirty blood that is com ing out.” She showed me how to 'TIse'pads. and t h e n I starred hiding m y pads hecause the garbage can was lying at so m e c o m m o n po int and this family was staying acro ss..... My m other told me to wrap it up and just throw it but I just could not do it. This happened for a month or two, and then my m other discovered it and she started scolding me. This was a painful ex p erien ce for me, and I felt very awkward. I started my periods when I was twelve years old, and my sister had it eight m onths later and was bleeding heavier. For her a doctor was

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called - sh e got this special attention. Second tim e sh e bled for twenty-five days, and everybody was sympathising with her. I felt I was short and was conscious o f my body. The only thing was that I was good in mathem atics. My teacher, b efo re she left, said: “You are a good w riter and a good lead er.” I w ondered how could she think that. This was the only positive ex p erien ce. O therw ise, grow ing up at hom e was not very happy. My father was the only good thing, but then I wasn’t very clo se to him. He was just very proud o f me. My m other was pregnant again - this child turned out to b e a boy. He was born at five in the evening. My massi (m aternal aunt) was very excited and called up my father, but he cam e hom e at eight o ’clo ck and said, “So what, if it’s a boy.” I saw all that. My father did not give much attention to our b ro th er and till his death, i.e., two years ago, I have always rem ained num ber one out o f the four o f us for him. This was the strongest point, and I have aspired to b e num ber o n e w herever I have gone. For my m other, I w asn’t a good-looking daughter, and academ ics did not m atter to her. She didn’t want me to do m ed icine but hom e scien ce instead. My father wanted us to be equal and useful in society. My sister follow ed in my footsteps. We have stayed together, so those feelings o f sibling rivalry levelled o ff once we w ere in th e co lleg e hostel. She grew up to b e m ore m ature than me in som e ways.... she was m o re practical and I was m ore em otional. She w ould look after m e in lots o f ways and becam e a help to me. In so m e ways she becam e the old er sister, and we had com m on friends. Also, academ ically, she wasn’t so good so our relationship becam e com plem entary, and I accepted h er m ore than my m other. I think I started enjoying my life in my pre-m edical days at the Hindu C ollege. I started participating in debates, etc. and I looked up to a South Indian co lleg e mate - it was a nice friendship. We would correspond, but I was stopped from doing so. The w arden would cen sor my letters and told my parents. However, I enjoyed this relationship even though th ere was no

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em otional involvem ent. O nce I got my degree I had grow n to be a very different person. After having lived for five years in the hostel I kind o f rebelled . I was very social in college. We had a m ixed group o f girls and boys, dated quite a lot, and all o f us had o u r affairs. I was in terested in a few boys and they w ere in m e - feelings o f love, rom ance and serious study went along, too. It was not m uch o f an effort to get the degree. You know, we becam e d oc­ tors, but som ehow I did not feel resp onsible enough. I was scared. I rem em b er we got our internship - seeing the patients I felt very young and im mature. I didn’t want to hold the syringe in my hand. It was fun to make a diagnosis as a student but I did not want to m ake a com m itm ent, and it was good to have sen io rs and consultants. The tim e cam e for m arriage, and I shifted hom e. The arranged-m arriage system started. I was taken to Mahattas to get my ph oto for m atrim onial purposes. I didn’t tell anyone that I cried, and I felt ‘I am going to b e sold now .’ I w ondered why I had taken up m edicine. T h ere was the regular co rresp o n d en ce at hom e. My father would keep files and sort out things - h e was a very m ethodical man. He would discuss it with my m other. At tim es, he w ould bring up som ething, and I w ouldn’t take interest till the tim e cam e when I had to b e shown to boys and I would resist. It n ever registered in my mind that I would actually go along with my parents. Then, I began to talk a little bit about it.... that I would like to marry som ebody who I want to marry. And th ere was always opposition at hom e. T here was a boy in co lleg e who wanted to marry me. His family got in touch with my father. Without tellin g m e, my father went and met his parents. They didn’t tell m e then, but now I know that my father went and probably threatened the boy’s family that they should not be in touch with m e as I was going to have an arranged m arriage. The boy’s family lived abroad. After we graduated, we left. In fact, I w ent for a trip to Bom bay with my friend. He didn’t say that he did n’t want to marry me. He was just very nice and sw eet and

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said that he had to go back to his family, although, I think, he knew all the while. So I kept waiting to hear from him, but he never w rote back. I felt he had ditched m e o r som ething, and then he sent m e a card that he is engaged to som ebody else and had m arried her. It gave m e a feelin g as if he didn’t want to marry me. T h ere was this other boy... these two w ere friends. He used to tease m e in the class. He would say, “I know you love my friend but I am going to b e the one w ho will m arry you in the en d .” Anyway, I hated him, and yet we went out together. I felt broken-hearted and I cam e to D elhi to apply for my MD. He was very nice and said, “Why do your have to m arry som eone you d on ’t love? C om e, le t’s get m arried.” The next day we went to court, Tis Hazari, like two young people... and registered. After that we cam e to the hostel. My sister reacted and so did everyone. “What are you going to do?” We went to Arya Samaj and got m arried. Then we went to Connaught Place and w rote telegram s, o n e to his family and one to my father. I d id n’t know his family. W hile writing, he told m e he had a step-father. I had a strange feeling and felt sorry for him. Growing up in my family... my father was the only son but h e had a lot o f cousins, m ore like my chacbas. And o n e o f them was like in-betw een generations, a few years o ld er than us. W hile I was in m edical school, h e had gone to the USA and he w ould write to me from there. Then he cam e back, and we would spend tim e together. He would tell m e about the open sexual exp erien ces in America. T h ose w ere the days when o n e read about Rebecca, etc., and th ere w ere m ovies like Raj K apoor’s and Nargis’ Chori-Chori. So th ere w ere tim es when I would feel very rom antic towards him. I d on’t know how he felt... I w rote som ething in my diary and showed it to him. He was really moved. At that tim e he was still a bachelor. But after that he told m e that he also felt sexually inclined towards me. It seem ed like a total relationship to me, then and now. Academically, I could relate to him and em otionally I felt at par

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with him. Physically and sexually I did not ex p erien ce any co n ­ flict towards him. It was like a very open, accepted feeling w hich I began and he reciprocated. And what happened o n ce or tw ice was - we actually did not make love - but it was physical and p leasurable enough. I was sm all and he seem ed big - a big body. It was som ething nice. Had it b een the w hole act, it would have b een painful and traumatic. That didn’t happen. However, it was not an ongoing thing. Then I got m arried and went for my hon ­ eym oon. My husband wanted to get involved sexually. I just did not en joy that part at all with him. I was asked to take my clothes off; w ithout any foreplay at full speed , he went on and on to the exten t that I found it unpleasant. It was a m an’s pride. He wanted to make a score, and I did n’t enjoy it at all. We w ere not using any contraceptives at all. I d on’t know why, as doctors in those tim es, I just didn’t co n n ect how seriou s it was and, right away, I got pregnant. I did not en joy my pregnancy, either, yet it happened. Th ere was an obstru ction in my life: my family had not accepted the m arriage yet, and th ere was a child already. Then, w hen I went to England to join my husband, I was pregnant again. It was the most traum atic ex p erien ce o f my life as it was a still-born child, around eight and a half months. I felt it was still-born becau se my husband had forced intercourse. (Vaishali w eeps.) T h ere was too much w eight on me. Then, the ex p erien ce o f my delivery o f the still­ born baby in the hospital at Christm as tim e... after carrying the dead baby for tw o-three w eeks inside m e - the delivery was a r e lie f and yet I co u ld n ’t share the ex p erien ce with my husband, although I shared it with my friend. My husband had his own g rie f for losing a boy, but h e did not share it with me. He would get drunk with his friends, but we co u ld n ’t talk about it. Then tim es changed for me. I got a job in London and I sent my daughter to my m other-in-law in India. For about two years, my husband and I lived separately and met only o n the week-ends. It was a n ice arrangem ent. Four years o f w ork in England... now I wanted another child. This tim e I was

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very careful and cam e to India. I consciously decided to give up w ork and b e a housew ife and enjoy my pregnancy and delivery. My husband was the o n e making money. He liked that traditional role, w here he was the o n e earning and I the m other and h ou se­ wife, etc. Earlier betw een us th ere was a sort o f com petition. He loved my d ecision to give up work. This tim e I had a boy and I felt good about it. I d on’t know w hether it is a girl-boy issue or becau se I had a daughter and I felt that a boy was also needed. I spent seven days in the hospital - it was an easy delivery. Then, we decided to m ove on to America. T h ere for a year I didn’t work; it was a qu iet period. Then th ere was a residency in psychiatry, which I to ok up, and it was from then that things began to change for me em otionally and intellectually. After having w orked with dead bo d ies, h ere I was in touch with p eo p le - talking to them at a real, in-depth, and em otional level. That fascinated me. I felt a mutuality in that. My consultants w ere very nice in the hospital. Now suddenly I felt assertive in my life and began to question all th ose years o f adjustm ent in my m arriage. Now, America is an open society, and all the patients w ho w ere com ing.... we w ere basically strengthening them to co p e with life. Also, we constantly have to look at our own lives. I started feeling m ore equal and started dem anding m ore from my m arriage. A gap began to occur and widen in our m ar­ riage, and my husband began to drink m ore. Then, in our training, we w ere advised to have self-analysis and therapy, w hich is a part o f it, and I did that. That strengthened my beliefs. My perform ance was very good in the hospital, but it also p ro ­ duced a conflict in my life. In the hospital I was recognized, but when I went hom e I had to be a subm issive wife. Now I began to dislike it. I wasn’t w illing to do it. My husband grew away from me also; my daughter was grow ing up. What happened in the process was that I kept becom ing m ore o f m e (Vaishali w eeps) and getting away from o u r lives. His effort was to draw me back to the traditional role. He was not willing to open h is eyes to a

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change that was happening within me and try and make som e com prom ises or adjustments. It was like I had to go back to the old pattern. Anyway, that process continued, and I kept growing profes­ sionally and within m yself to the point w here I found I was doing better. I was ahead o f my husband professionally and academically. I was earning m ore money... in general, I felt very confident. The only area w here I didn’t feel confident was with my husband. I felt lot o f this was because I was in America. Perhaps, if I had b een in India, we would have continued living. I started practising and making a lot o f money. In fact, I was running the house financially. He didn’t do well. By then my daughter had becom e a teenager and she was very much into the American liberation scen e and the only Indian child in the school. She had her own conflicts. I would say I am very open in bringing up my son and daughter. To me, just because she was a girl, she was not going to be inhibited. They w ere brought up equally. Now the three o f us are having problem s. She had a touch o f the drug problem in school... not that she was addicted, but what she would do was pick up sam ples w hich w ere lying in d octors’ hom es and dis­ tribute them in school. It was at that tim e that my husband drank heavily. For the next few years he was using money and would not tell me. He would not work enough in his practice and gen ­ erally becam e very careless about life. Now none o f this was I aware o f till the accountant one day told me. That I think was the final thing which made m e realize that I had to take a decision and, once again, I started going through depressions. I went to the therapist again, which was my only so u fce o f strength while I was in America because th ere was no family m em ber. Each tim e I came back to India, it was so great because my family gave me total support and my closeness to family was really strong. I loved being back hom e; the roots w ere really very important for me. O n ce again I started to re-evaluate my life in America. I had a beautiful hom e with a swimming pool right

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in the back yard and four cars standing in the drive-way, a very good practice, and yet, secretly my husband was gam bling o ff all the money. T h ere was nothing that we shared. So I decided to separate and I began talking about it in the family. In 1984, I moved back to D elhi. No one encouraged m e excep t my daughter, w ho was then sixteen. She said that if I was not happy, th ere was no point living together. Although, o f course, after I cam e back she also felt angry and rejected . But I had left. My daughter is not clo se to any one o f us. W hen she grew up th ere was so much parental tension at hom e. At the beginning I held m yself resp onsible becau se sh e was an unplanned pregnancy and I had sent h er to my father-inlaw’s place. So, although she is a friendly, grown, matured and independent child, em otionally she is very volatile. She is not too deeply attached, but now she is moving closer. My son cam e back with me, and bringing him up is a purpose. I had no diffi­ culty as far as my practice is co n cern ed but, som etim es, I do have the pangs o f loneliness. I have faced all kinds o f problem s in D elhi, but I really feel strong about my life here. I have not one day regretted having com e back from America. Regarding the nature and ex p erien ce o f my work I would like to point out that most men feel em barrassed in the beginning com ing to a fem ale therapist. Then they open up after one session, they feel clo ser and better. As a woman they feel better with me. Perhaps, they feel threatened with a man. Even with male colleagues I feel better, although w om en colleagues tend to be com petitive and th ere is often an elem ent o f jealousy. You have to overcom e those blocks in beginning therapy. W oihen probably would p refer to go to a m ale therapist. But then, in the long run, it works out alright. You could say that I have felt m ore oppressed by women. Beginning with my m other, grand-m other. As I have grown up, wom en do give out these negative m essages m ore. O f late I exp erien ced this a lot from my husband, but it was the way he was brought up by his m other, aunts o r family. They did that to

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him . Right now th ere is a lot o f oppression, but I d o n ’t n e ce s­ sarily hold it against m en, although you hear about patriarchal society and all that all the time. Now, having w orked with sexual difficulties and men, I feel that boys are given that m essage... they have to b e strong, very sexual, very macho, forceful and anim al-like - they alm ost have to hurt a woman for the woman to enjoy him. These are cultural m essages. W om en are given the m essages that sexuality is not right for you, you are supposed to absorb the man but not enjoy yourself. You are not supposed to b e aware o f your body, it is just a thing for procreation. Thinking about my sexual life with my husband... w ell, I did not have a good relationship with him, I never could en joy sex in my twenty years o f m arriage. It was after fifteen years that I felt som ew hat free and could tell him d on’t do this, d on’t do that. It was m om entarily enjoyable maybe. O therw ise, sex was som ething accepted. It was part o f my duty, and I had to please my husband; maybe that is why it wasn’t enjoyable. I must say that I have had sex with tw o-three other men. None has b ee n a consistent love relationship. None has been just a o n e tim e flir­ tation either. They have b een kind o f friendships and this som etim es even included sex. If o n e felt at that m om ent rom an­ tically inclined, then it was an enjoyable exp erien ce. I felt I could stop, react when it becam e uncom fortable, and the other person was w illing to alter it. I never felt like this with my hus­ band. Sexuality has not been very important for me. It is the understanding and the com panionship that is m ore im portant than the actual physical act. R em em ber the uncle I talked about earlier... we still have that relationship. My uncle is m arried, he has children, and I have my life and ch ild ren too. But we can just talk about anything and can spend the w hole day together. Som etim es he would hold m e and say he was feeling high and it was perfectly acceptable, talkable and enjoyable. In fact, it d o esn ’t have to be when I have to have an orgasm. Talking about orgasm , I feel that I can have much better orgasm when I am just m asturbating in my own hom e, and that

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kind o f orgasm no man can ever give me o r has given me. That I have tried to tell w om en patients. Most o f them have agreed to the extent that sexuality has not b een fun for them and they have not b een open about it. But then many w om en d on’t talk about m asturbating, and they listen to m e and just sm ile and do n ot respond o r share with m e, w hereas m en do. I have som e w om en patients who belo n g to the upper classes, as w ell as som e o f my clo se relatives, w ho have to face v iolence in their dom estic setting. Mind you, the wife is alm ost an equally earning m em ber o r are educated. I think it is m ainly an ego issue w here m en, b e they radical o r rolling in m oney, still, deep down, want to be the head o f the household and have the last word. W hen things d on’t work out, they lose con trol o n the verbal-level and b eco m e violent. It may also b e triggered by som ething, but, basically, they d on’t accept a change in attitudes, and violence is culturally legitim ized here. I have a woman p ro ­ fessor who com es to me. She refuses to talk about it to h e r family m em bers b ecau se she wants to maintain h er m arital status and go in the privacy o f h er hom e. Incest, too, is qu ite com m on in India. People d o n ’t accept it becau se open sexuality is not allowed, but they admit it. It is quite com m on betw een cousins, devar-bhabhi, etc., and jo in t fam ilies have accepted it. I have also com e across a lot o f exhibitionism ; have seen p eople acting out th eir sexuality in an oppressive society. Finally, I w ould like to say that I have not b een very religious. My father was an Arya-Samaji. For him pow er was God. Now, having b een a disciple o f scien ce and b eco m e a doctor and psychiatrist, it is hard for me to put all pow er in an undefined, unseen source. So, although I may at som e level feel that th ere may b e som e pow er behind it, I am not totally convinced by it and do not follow any ritual at all. Even when I am desperate and am praying that som ething happen, my prayer is ‘give m e strength’ and is not directed towards God. I rationalize that th ere is som ething within me that becom es, that is able to deal

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with a particular situation. The w hole w orld that revolves around religion, I think, is a total waste o f energy. For instance, I can ’t im agine my m other praying for two hours a day; yet, if the servant is sick, she crib s about two extra cups o f tea and the sugar. That is how it is with m ost p eo p le.”

Guneeta: A B ride’s Trauma an d the Unforgettable Remarks G uneeta, a textile designer, is in h er late tw enties and is going through a divorce. She hails from a w ell-to-do Sikh family and has o n e daughter. She relates: “In 1961 I was born in Delhi. B eing the youngest, I was the m ost pam pered. I was b o rn after a long gap... we broth ers-sisters have a long gap betw een us, like betw een m e and my b ro th er and eld er sister it is eleven and twenty-five years respectively. I am a daughter to h er also. I have had a very happy childhood, the best education, and nothing went wrong. My parents have b een very broad-m inded but up to a lim it... not that they ever stopped us, but they sort o f advised us. Nobody in ou r family has b e e n scold ed n or do I rem em ber Mama-Papa ever raising th eir hand. We all are very clo se becau se, I think, th ere is a large age gap. I w ent to a convent school. I could do anything and every­ thing. I have been very clo se to my father and b ro th er and my eld est n iece. With my b ro th er I could discuss things which I cou ld n ’t with my parents. I was very keen to do interior designing becau se o f my papa and b ro th er being in that bu si­ ness. W hen I talked to them about it, they said that sin ce it is in the family I w on’t take it seriously, that I w on’t take it up as a career. So the next thing w hich fascinated m e was textile designing. I had very n ice tim e in that co u rse - lots o f friends. At a certain tim e I did feel the con flict that I should have done my graduation, too. Straight away after the cou rse I got a jo b to teach at my own institute. I taught for five years, and it was the best tim e that I spent. M arriage was m o re in the mind o f my m other. Papa was cool about it, but mama was em otional. Today, what I value the most is that I have m ade very good friends.

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Then was the starting o f th ose usual proposals and tea-sessions. A proposal cam e through a relation o f my sister-in-law ’s. Papa had g on e and first m et the boy and he liked him. Although w hen .asked what sort o f a p erson I w ould go in for, I was keen on a clean-shaven Sikh for som e reason. I never fancied a person w ith a turban, and I never wanted to get m arried abroad. You know, I had had a trip abroad and I found that life is very lonely there. So I was very adamant after that. Anyway, as luck would have it, this rishta (p ro p o sa l) cam e, and we m et for tea. Then Papa asked me about him, and I said I w ould like to know him a little bit b efo re I m ake up my mind. So both o f us went out for a tea-session and, amazingly, we hit it o ff very well. We both had the same interests and viewpoints. What I expected from my husband was respect for my parents and family. I thought he was the sort o f person who would get along with them. W ithin a w eek my engagem ent was fixed, and they wanted the m arriage im m ediately for reasons w hich I cam e to know only later. I cam e to know that e a rlier he was engaged to som ebody, and they had brok en up an engagem ent becau se my m other-inlaw had dem anded the m oney for the honeym oon for th e co u p le and the m oney he had spent on his education. He had done his C.A. from London. However, the g irl’s side did n’t agree to it, and they broke o ff the engagem ent and threatened that they w ill se e how he gets m arried. During ou r m arriage, the boy’s side did not have any cerem ony becau se they said that my m other-in-law d o esn ’t rem ain too w ell and they didn’t want to exert her. But now w e know why they had a quiet affair and not even a recep tion. From our side, w hen my father asked about th eir demands, they said, “No, we leave it to you.” But they did em phasize a five-star m ar­ riage. They wanted the best. My parents w ho had gone through a bad phase becau se o f the riots - the factory had b een burnt down - they still did th eir best. They had a five-star m arriage. I cam e from an atm osphere w here we appreciated th e o th er person. Like even I have a sister-in-law , but we could understand

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that she had left her house and com e to our house. So you try and help h er adjust and you tell h er that this or that is not the done thing. W hereas, in my case, the m inute the ‘d o li’ (d e ­ parture after the w edding) went to th eir house they just made me sit th ere, and the wedding m oney that I had received from people was snatched away from my hands by som e woman. She counted it and told my m other-in-law that it was less. So she im m ediately asked m e as to w here I had kept the money. I felt very uncom fortable - 1 had not gone th ere to rob them o r som e­ thing. You know, things w ere moving too fast for m e and so I did not pay m uch attention to it; so much so that I didn’t even discuss it with my husband and, o f course, in arranged m arriages you don’t want to start with these things. O ur relationship was OK ... th ere was no lack in it. I was h ere for fifteen days befo re we went to London. But in those fifteen days a lot o f things hap­ pened. We cam e back the next day, and my m other-in-law said that I had arrived with only two suitcases. Then I realized that they w ere least bo th ered about me. All the relatives had left, and we sat for lunch. It was just my husband’s family, parents and sister. Everbody helped each other to the helping o f the food, but nobody passed it to me. The first tim e you are a bit shy and you d on’t want to say anything. It did not even strike my husband that I had not eaten till I asked for water. Then they realized what had happened. Many a tim e I would b e left alone in the house, and they all would go out. And my husband got busy with th e tickets, etc. Even if I went to join them , they would send m e back to my room saying that they w ere sleepy. Nobody made an effort and every tim e they passed com m ents about the dowry. In fact, I had dis­ cussed dowry with my husband b efo re m arriage and wanted to know what things w ere expected to arrive as a custom right then, because I told him that I didn’t believe in it. At that tim e he wasn’t keen on it at all. But after m arriage, he changed co m ­ pletely... then I realized the amount o f in flu en ce his m other had

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over him. I feel that my m other-in-law is very possessive about h er son and was scared that h er im portance was going to slack down. Even my sister-in-law felt that h er b ro th er was suddenly going to give a lot o f im portance to me and, secondly, that h e r im por­ tance will no lon ger h old in the family. She was the one to instigate and she w ouldn’t hesitate to say things even, for instance, “If you have got two extra sarees, it d o esn ’t m ean that you can take away my b ro th er from m e.” If I spoke to my hus­ band, he said it was my m isunderstanding and that was the end o f the conversation. You see, no o n e wants to break up o n e ’s m arriage so early, and I certainly co u ld n ’t have com e back to my family at that stage becau se I knew everyone had done so much and everyone was happy that I had got m arried. I didn’t want to break my parents’ heart. So these things kept on, and my m other-in-law and sisterin-law made all efforts to m ake sure that I didn’t get along with my husband. Luckily, I did get the visa and accom panied him after fifteen days. We had a very nice tim e w hen we w ere in Eng­ land. The first four-five m onths went very well. I used to w rite letters to my in-laws, but they never w rote back. O f course, my m other-in-law always m ade som e com m ent about my family not giving this o r that at the various festivals and all that. I told my husband that if that is the custom , then, why d o n ’t they tell m e, so that I can tell my parents. Even if I didn’t believe in dowry... w ell, at that tim e I didn’t have any ch o ice, I had to m ake my m ar­ riage work. We went for a late honeym oon. Things w ere nice, but I found that my husband d id n ’t like to spend m oney o n anything, including me. I mean, I was the last thing; I didn’t get a penny on my honeym oon. I rem em b er o n e incident - it was late in the evening. We didn’t have lunch becau se we had g on e for an excursion. I was very hungry, and we w ere returning to the h otel from the bus stand. I saw o n e o f those joints that had French Fries and I asked him , and he said that it was a waste o f money.

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That was som ething w hich really pricked me. In my family I never felt the dearth o f m oney and I was earning, .too. I am not a spendthrift but believ e in saving for a rainy day. You know, we w ent -to Sw itzerland becau se it was my husband’s life-dream o r am bition to go for his honeym oon th ere but not becau se I d esired it. I w asn’t even asked and, th ere, I wasn’t even allow ed to buy a souvenir. I was happy going, I can ’t deny it. I enjoyed b ein g with him and seein g places, but these little things spoiled the trip too. It did put me off becau se I am an em otional person. Regarding sexuality, I think, with any Indian woman o r with m e, you see, you can ’t really refuse a man. You have to satisfy a m an’s sexual needs. I used to b e scared becau se I didn’t know what he would do in case I refused. I knew h e w ouldn’t take to w ife beating, but I didn’t want to hurt him o r displease him. So even if I didn’t want to sleep with him, I had to. Actually, I didn’t want anything to com e betw een us o r com e in betw een our m ar­ riage. And then I didn’t have anybody to go back to, o r go and ask, o r even talk to. We cam e back to England, and then the w hole drama started. My m other-in-law and sister-in-law cou ld n ’t take it. They thought he had spent th e w orld on m e - even spending on the ticket was too m uch for them . Then things started rolling in from th eir side. My husband used to give them a call every Sunday, and those calls becam e from five m initues to ten to fifteen minutes. And our fight started. Then I was just doing nothing the w hole day and crying becau se I had never faced such a situation in my life. I never exp ected that a man w ho has taken you as a wife can ’t see your point o f view. He didn’t want to have any dis­ cussions. What his m other said or the sister said was the Word. Then he stopped giving me any m oney to run the house. So I took up work, and he had no o b jectio n to it. Rather, he was quite happy. W hen I wanted to visit India, my m other-in^aw said that it was a waste o f h er so n ’s money. I was told to earn my own ticket and presents. T h erefo re, I w orked. Then I realized that I was pregnant. O f co u rse, at that tim e I was in quite a confused

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state (G u n eeta w eep s) becau se the way things w ere going, eith er I wanted an abortion o r I thought that having a baby would bring us together. So I decided to have the baby. With him th ere was no excitem ent... just a neutral event, but I was thrilled about it and I looked upon it as o n e hope com ing into my life becau se things w ere very bad at that time. We cam e back to India for our first holiday. Com ing back to India, I thought, ‘let m e bridge all the gap that was caused just by phoning.’ I used to w rite letters apologizing on b eh alf o f my parents, too. That was all I could do. But I never w rote to my family that I was unhappy. So I paid for my ticket and the p re­ sents and got plenty o f things for my in-laws. But they w ere m ore con cerned about why I had bought a saree for my m other. I made it extra-sure to get all these things for my unm arried sister-in-law , but my getting eight sarees for my m other-in-law didn’t m atter so m uch as getting one saree for my m other even though it was my m oney that I had spent. When I cam e to D elhi, I realized how badly they used to talk to my parents. I think no girl o r person can se e such a thing. I feel they w ere jealous o f my background and the fact that th eir daughter hasn’t got m arried - it was a so u rce o f frustration. Later I also found out that my husband was ten years old er than m e, w hereas I was told during my engagem ent that the age dif­ feren ce was o f five years. Anyway, I never gave im portance to these matters... as long as you are getting along with each other. So it was totally disastrous to b e in Delhi. My parents w ere told ‘why the hell has sh e co m e ’ and other things. This was after one year o f my m arriage. Then, I even thought o f com m itting suicide. I could n’t take in all that and I had never exp ected that a thing like this would happen to my parents. He just w ouldn’t com ­ m unicate with my family. B efo re he went back to London, I sat and w rote a letter to him expressing my displeasure at the treatm ent I was getting from his family. I also went through a bad first th ree m onths o f pregnancy, but they w eren ’t concerned . I even fainted, but my

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m other-in-law said that I was doing ‘nakhras’ (m ake believe, art­ fulness). I spoke very vaguely about it to my bro th er, but he said that sin ce I was expecting I should give it a chance. Even I thought that in this situation it is stupid to break the marriage. Though I told my husband that if his family is not happy with me, I’ll put an end to our marriage. I d on’t know how my m other-inlaw got hold o f that letter, but she didn’t say anything to my husband becau se he left earlier. I stayed back for four days m ore and I was totally a scheduled caste for them. They w on’t ask me for any meals, nothing... just very indifferent. W hen I went back to London, I found a very cold husband receiving me. He then questioned m e about the letter, w hich my m other-in-law read, and told m e that I was trying to create a lot o f misunderstandings. He said, “If you want to com m it suicide you carry on, it is your w ish.” I was totally shattered after that. Things really took a bad turn thereafter. My parents w ere called up and abused and told ten things... and said that they cou ld n’t care less what I did. Then my parents got in touch with m e and w ere w orried about m e, but I consoled them on the phone. I wanted my sister th ere for my delivery, but that was ruled out becau se they did not want to spend m oney o n my sister’s lunch and dinner. However, my m other-in-law and sister-in-law cam e for my delivery to London. That was the w orse period that anyone could have seen. They made me do all the household chores, even made m e hand-wash the bedsheets. They w eren ’t even happy that it was th eir first grand-child. I would go to the d octor myself, and no o n e would care for me. My husband stopped talking to m e, and they all would go out daily. I was totally isolated. I w ished I had som eone to talk to. I was so weak that I even fell down the stairs in my eighth month. They all w ere sitting there, but no one got up to pick me up. Then I realized that th ere is no point living in a family w here the value o f a human being is not there. I was not allowed to do any shopping for the baby. They w ere just very possessive about their son. My father-in-law, how ­

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ev er, was a gem o f a person . He used to defend m e, bu t h e had n o say in the family. W hen my daughter was b o rn , that was an oth er calam ity becau se it w asn’t a boy. W hen they cam e to se e m e, they didn’t ask m e how I was but just said you have low ered us down by giving birth to a g irl’ and walked out. D elivering my daughter was the most difficult period. T h ese p eo p le just left m e at that tim e. I w ent through a very bad d ep re­ ssion during the delivery, maybe because o f horm onal imbalance. I was dying to cry and w anted so m eo n e to hold my hand, but th ere was nobody. I could not sleep in the ward becau se I was to o weak and had th ese fainting attacks. The nu rses w ere to o busy to attend to me. I rem em b er that when I co u ld n ’t co n tro l m yself, I was just how ling in that ward, and I craw led up to a woman and just asked h er to hold my hand. T h e first question sh e asked me was ‘w here is your husband?’ and I said that he was not around. I can’t forget that an outsider like h er gave m e so m uch support and affection at that tim e. Then, w hen I cam e hom e, th ere was no excitem en t, and my m other-in-law said you have rested enough; now you can do all the w ork, I am not your servant.’ So I had to do all the washing, cooking, clean in g - every­ thing, and I had stitches. I was also feeding my daughter, but th ere was no con sid eration for me so much so that I lost very m uch weight. I had lost so much blo od becau se I was bleeding profusely from my stitches. The biggest thing was that I was m ade to sleep on the floor. I was petrified. My m other-in-law was really a nightm are for me. I literally touched my husabnd’s feet and req u ested him to take m e to a doctor. He said OK but, w hen h e went to take p er­ m ission from his m other, sh e said that it was the usual thing to happen. So he went to his office, and my m other-in-law and sister-in-law ord ered m e to cook lunch for them b e fo re they also left the house. I was in so m uch pain that I could not even hold my daughter. T hose days I becam e m ore and m ore su re. Right from the beginning I was dead against divorce b ecau se I felt that

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nothing could b e so bad that you have to break a m arriage. I had lost in terest in myself, but I was co n cern ed about my daughter’s future. If she w asn’t there, I would have killed myself. Anyway, things went on and on. M eanwhile, a family-friend cam e to know o f my plight and inform ed my broth er h ere that if he wanted his sister alive he must call h er back. Then my parents spoke to m e, and I revealed everything. My m other had a nervous breakdow n and was adm itted to the hospital. So I cam e back, but I knew that the m om ent I touched D elhi I could n’t go back. My m other-in-law and sister-in-law had also com e to the airport, but they w ere only interested in my baggage. I went to their house for a short tim e and cam e back to my family. That was it, I could n’t keep it to myself. I told them that I did not have the energy or the strength to go back. Anyway, my parents tried to have a word with my in-laws regarding the situation, but they w ere not interested. So we asked a mutual friend to intervene and try to settle the w hole matter. But even they w eren’t ready to com e to any term s with them. I called up my husband, and he was very elusive about the w hole thing. He didn’t specify anything, and the w orst was that he didn’t care for the daughter. After writing to him many tim es, finally, he cam e down to D elhi after eight m onths o f my com ing back here. We met, and at the first m eeting I was told that I didn’t m atter to him as much as his m other did. That was it. Still my father and broth er tried to talk to him, but he kept quiet although b efo re he left he said that h e ’d wind up in London and settle down in Delhi. But after many m onths we got a call that it was all over. Then my parents went to a social organization and sought help from the lady in charge. She had to involve the p o lice and filed a case because they w ere not w illing to give m e my things, jew ellery, etc. I, however, got a few o f my things back. O ne day I received my divorce papers from London. He didn’t m ention custody o f the child and w rote that h e ’d m eet h er w henever he

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could... he was quite vague about it. T h ere was no question o f m aintenance and alimony. The case is still carrying o n; we are still fighting it. My contact with him, how ever, is lost. Now, I have got into designing and making garm ents. I have lost hope o f getting m aintenance. My daughter is alm ost th ree years old. She has started going to school. I thank God that I have my p arents’ su p p o rt and that they love my daughter. How­ ever, they want me to b e independent even though everyone is th ere for m e w henever I need them. I am a much stron ger p erson now, but I feel that no woman can ever get over such an exp erien ce. At the back o f my mind it is always there. I never thought I’d ever go in for a divorce, and at the m om ent it is to o fresh for m e to think o f re m arriage. I always believed in lovem arriage but could n’t find a person. I still think it is a m an’s w orld and for a woman to b e on h er own is very difficult and I am very scared o f it.” Today, w om en must cope with a vast array o f in n er and outer shifts and changes. As a result, not many w om en em erg e as m odern m atriarchs. Usually they ex p erien ce dilem m as that arouse anger and an unfulfilled longing for self-validation. Changing circum stances have made w om en abandon security and dare to not conform m indlessly to what has hitherto been considered good. E xp erience im plies ch o ice, erro rs and risks. O ur interview ees speak eloquently about the em otional avalanches they ex p erien ce as their m arriages and work-situations undergo rapid shifts in quick succession. It is not suprising that m arriages are being term inated. D ivorce seem s to o ccu r not only becau se o f im proper matching, but also becau se p eo p le now exp ect p erfect mutuality, em otional and financial security. The ongoing changes, em otional losses and disruption o f bonds that our protagonists confront at som e point o r the o ther render them vulnerable to depressions and phobias. The loss o f im portant relations low ers th eir self-esteem leaving them to contend with a dim inished o r depleted sense o f self. W hile som e w om en rem ain paralyzed em otionally from this, others em erg e

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trium phant. As we have seen, the reality o f G uneeta’s divorce is sh o ck in g . She exp erien ced an exhaustive com m unicational im passe, and h er divorce makes h er feel rejectable and discard­ ab le. Initially, she suppresses h er anger and sense o f d ejection in silen ce; later, this gives way to suicidal thoughts, i.e., self­ d irected aggression or destruction. She had never thought that d iv o rce could happen to her, and in her heart o f hearts sh e was n o t totally prepared for its finality. Vaishali, on the o ther hand, after having, em otionally speaking, fallen flat on her face at various junctures in h e r life tim e and again picked h erself up. Her husband apparently strained h er personhood and tried to block her psychic grow th, change and developm ent. She has since endeavoured to repair h er past and beco m e autonom ous. She no longer consid ers making developm ental strides ‘w rong’ o r ‘bad’. We view h er surplus and jeopardizing desires as going hand in hand with a loosening o f th e m arriage bond as it endeavours to encom pass additional sexual and em otional ties. Dom esticity, thus, d oesn ’t necessarily lead to a satisfactory exp ression o f intimacy and personal fulfillment. Women seem to exp erience an upsurge o f anxiety and depression in troubled m arriages. D eep down, they yearn for the right partner, who will supposedly provide happiness ever after, even though intimacy, mutuality and the d esire for em otional union present risks and can leave one injured and conflicted.

The Sphere of Motherhood Most o f our subjects perceive them selves as supportive and facilitating w om en who care to invest em otionally in th eir family relationships, especially their children. The em erg en ce o f m otherliness may inhibit a w om an’s eroticism , but it provides leeway for h er developing a pow erful attachm ent to h er children that engulfs the tension betw een m aternalism and eroticism . M otherhood thus succeeds in con ferring a sen se that w om en

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m atter. In Indian society, it is generally believed that a woman (w ho is just a mother/wife) acqu ires a fully tenured status only after giving birth to a m ale child. A new identity unfolds for a w om an as she rears h er ch ild ren ; sh e develops another facet o f h e r selfhood by bein g a com petent m other. Ancient literature depicts the m other as the central point o f family life. In the M ahabharata, we read: “M other is the highest guru. For all curses th ere are m eans o f averting and co u n ­ teracting, but for the m o th er’s th ere are none. If o n e has a m other, he is sh eltered, he grieves not, age d o esn ’t w eigh on him even though fortune may betray him. Even a man at the end o f his hundredth year, if he takes refuge with his m other, he acts like a child o f two years. W hether he is capable o r incapable, im portant or unim portant, the m other protects the son .”1 A child is a w ondrous event w hich is awaited with great excitem ent. But even in the classical texts, p eop le do not seem to w elcom e the birth o f a daughter as much as that o f a son. Iro n ­ ically, though the girl-child is not w elcom ed, woman h erse lf is valued as a ‘Sam sarahetu’, the ‘so u rce o f the w orld’ in w hich p le ­ asure is pain. A m other sym oblizes sexuality and creativity and is th erefo re valued, feared and respected by the son in the effort to repay h er for h er affection and protection. The fact that sons are a so u rce o f security in old age, that they carry on the family lineage, and that m others make a greater em otional investm ent in them no doubt explain why daughters are less valued. But, in o u r view there is yet another contributing factor: daughters em body potential sexuality/motherhood and are their m o ther’s potential rivals. Furtherm ore, sons validate their m other’s fem i­ ninity w hile daughters are m ore likely to influence their fathers and be pam pered and spoiled by them . For all these reasons sons are desired and hailed with much celebration. Even today, th e general p referen ce for sons grips the psyche o f most o f our respondents and, as our interviews clearly show, plays em o ­ tional havoc in a g irl’s developm ent (S e e the cases o f Nisha, Suman and Vaishali in chapters five and seven.) M oreover, we

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are all fam iliar with the prevalent waves o f fem ale infanticide and am niocentesis tests that roll on, one after another, ad

infinitum. A w om an’s m aternal involvem ent begins with pregnancy and intensifies when she gives birth and cares for the infant’s health and socialization. G enerally w om en reported exp erien cin g a m ixture o f elation, anxiety and nausea w hen pre­ gnant. In childbirth, they feel, they endure such danger and pain that it alm ost equals encountering death. Psychoanalytical lite r­ ature maintains that pregnancy is conflict-ridden and contains an elem en t o f crisis that arouses a w om an’s unconscious feelings about h er femininity. Many w om en m entioned the accidental nature o f their pregnancies, regardless o f w hether contraceptive protection was available o r not. (S e e the case o f Vaishali in the earlier part o f this ch apter.) Besides a general tendency toward m oodiness, depression and w eepiness (S e e the cases o f Vaishali and G uneeta) th ere seem s to exist little consistency among w om en’s responses to the various aspects o f pregnancy. Many o f our respondents delivered th eir children at hom e with eith er the help o f a midwife or exp erien ced fem ale rela­ tives despite the availability o f m odern m edical facilities in the city. Only a handful o f educated wom en seem to b e aware o f ‘natural ch ild b irth ’ practices that em phasize prenatal p rep ­ aration - learning about the childbirth process and perform ing various ex ercises to prepare w om en for labour and delivery with a view to elim inate the pain involved. W omen from the upper strata, however, report that they prepared for delivery intensively and extensively and availed them selves o f the m ethods and techniques o f gynecological technology. And som e o f the w om en from the low er strata m entioned visits to gov­ ernm ent hospitals for regular check-ups. For som e o f our respondents childbirth entails an invasion o f privacy and forces them to abandon their usual standards o f modesty, and it tends to in crease their em otional vulnerability. Edward C. W hitmont observes that a w om an’s em otional self

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makes it hard for h er to ex p erien ce her ‘separate s e lf. H er em pathizing se lf extends to h er maternal and nurturing ro le which beco m es a non-separative way o f exp erien cin g existen ce. This em pathy-related psychological sensitivity o r relative ego plasticity, how ever, can also pose difficulties. This u n d ifferen­ tiated flow insufficiently sustained by h er own clarity, d ifferen ti­ ation and assurance can spell confusion, self-doubt, and depen dency. This results in w om an’s need for affirm ation and valida­ tion, for being told that h er subjective ex p erien ces are o f value to others.2 To som e extent, W hitm ont’s observation helps us to understand why our respondents tend to have greater affiliative needs and also points to their rem arkable capacity fo r enduring chaos. Childless w om en, despite the opportunities th ere are to adopt, tend to reced e into the background. T h ree p er cent o f o u r respondents are childless. T h eir lives are eclipsed , and at tim es childlessness leads to divorce. For instance, we spoke with a woman w ho is twenty-nine years old, a graduate and rem arried (Case No. 140). She hails from an upper-caste, upper-class background and was m arried for six years the first tim e. Not having a child made h er feel inadequate and guilty because h er m other-in-law expected h er to produce a child. The fact that h er husband stood up for h er was o f little solace. She parted company with h er husband out o f a sense o f w orthlessness and she now lives with h er second husband and an adopted child. The hum iliation in her form er marriage, she said, was in to ler­ able. Given m en ’s tendency to regard dom estic affairs as e x clu ­ sively the domain o f w om en, it is not surprising that w om en are still the one prim arily resp on sible for child-rearing in spite o f the grow ing aw areness about the im portance o f fathers in bringing up children. N evertheless, we do have instances w h ere the m other is eith er absent for the daughter o r insignificant. (S e e the cases o f Vaishali in this chapter and o f Suman in chapter five.) In Sum an’s story, for exam ple, her m other d o esn ’t

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figure anywhere. It seem s that Suman failed to identify with her m other sin ce h er father under-valued h er becau se she was an uneducated woman. Vaishali, on the o th er hand, describes her m other as rem ote perhaps becau se, being the first born, she sensed h er m other’s disappointm ent in not having a son. In co n ­ trast, we have the cases o f Nisha and Aprajita (in chapters five and six ) who look upon th eir m others as pillars o f strength in th eir lives. A ch ild ’s entry in school today, far from relieving educated m others, turns them into educational assistants. Still, not all edu­ cated and working w om en are child-centred. Today, som e edu­ cated m others are trying to retain som e con trol over their ch ild ren by encouraging and tutoring them as w ell as by p ro ­ viding an intellectually stim ulating atm osphere. W hile m others rem ain first and forem ost a constant so u rce o f em otional sup­ port, they are also partially successful in creating a disciplined environm ent. Many m others reported that if the children w ere not successful at school, they w ere blam ed for not spending enough tim e with them. (S e e the case o f Mrs. Lai in chapter six.) We feel this attitude derives from the prevalent b e lie f that a m o th er’s being em ployed is tantam ount to h er being neglectful. Many w orking w om en worry about this and have to contend with nagging doubts about th eir children. Som e w om en, however, fight back, stating that it is the quality and not the quantity o f tim e spent with children that counts. M otherhood, many o f ou r respondents feel, demands full­ tim e concentration and ties them to the hom e. Success in her dom estic domain changes a w om an’s status in the public domain. A m other beco m es a fully participating neighbour and family m em ber. The absen ce o f any other caretaker for the ch ild ren in the family intensifies and em otionally, cem ents the mother/child bond. W hen it com es to seeking help, a working m o th er’s first ch o ice is h er own m other even though maids are available. However, differential rearing patterns cause conflicts and clashes betw een m others and grandm others or m others-in-

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law. Most o f the m others m ention that they follow different socialization pattern for sons and daughters. Som e m others speak o f the need to b e m ore em otional with their sons as th ese are less w illing to show th eir feelings. W hereas in th e case o f daughters, they act strict and stern as daughters are very em o ­ tional. We have seen in our interview s, that dism issive and cru el com m ents by the resp on d en ts’ own parents gain m onstrous sig­ nificance for them making it difficult for them to abandon th eir past. Daughters are being encouraged to en ter professions but are given less freed on o f m ovem ent than sons. At tim es, the ed u ­ cational investm ent is sym m etrical, but higher expectations a re placed on the sons - the daughters are exp ected to b e m arried off. Sons are being generally raised with self-oriented ex p ecta­ tions in the sen se that they are made to concentrate on th eir education and career; daughters are raised with o th er-o rien ted expectations, i.e., they are supposed to accom m odate the re la ­ tional needs o f others. Thus, many a tim e m others hand over th e household charge to th eir daughters. By and large, m others like th eir daughters to em ulate their style, and this invariably p ro ­ duces conflicts in the household. Mothers also speak about the way th eir own feelin gs o f stress or depression have an impact on their ch ild ren ’s attitudes. W hen m others are undergoing problem s, they beco m e m o re dem anding and exp ect th eir ch ild ren to behave m ore maturely. They expect th eir daughters to share the hou sehold ch o res with them . Shouting and beating are sanctions for m isbehaviour. The quality o f the m other-child relationship suffers when a m other rem ains in distress. D epressed m others are unresponsive, inat­ tentive and even h ostile towards th eir children. We feel that, in the case o f low -incom e m others, im proved eco n om ic security, assistance with child-care and m edical care can alleviate the em otional problem s that ero d e the quality o f the m other-child relationship they ex p erien ce. The m odern ex p erien ce o f m otherhood captures the depth

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o f com plexity in h eren t in a w om an’s self-fulfillm ent. If, on o ne hand, m othering is a w om an’s so le goal, then h er ch ild ’s grow th and achievem ent offers vicarious satisfaction. On the o ther.h an d , m otherhood makes h er lo se h er autonom y and can b e con sid ered synonym ous with sacrifice. Perhaps w om en in contem porary tim es feel an intense con flict betw een body and cu ltu re (i.e ., betw een instincts and social exp ectatio n s) in ch ildbirth and ch ildcare. Both have b een prim ary factors defining a w om an’s identity sin ce the beginning o f history. Now that w om en have the option to b ear ch ild ren o r not, questions relating to childbirth and child-rearing depend on th eir approp­ riateness to each particular woman. For instance, we cam e across a thirty-two year old bureau crat w ho com es from an upper-caste, upper-m iddle class and w orks as a social w orker. She conceived a w hile back, but w ent in for an abortion sin ce she didn’t d esire a ch ild even though h er husband wanted one. Q uestions relating to m otherhood will, th erefo re, in her case not carry the sam e w eight. Nor is she alon e in opting for alter­ natives such as a c a reer o r socio-p olitical com m itm ent which su p erced es m otherhood. Som e o f the educated m others are interested not in m erely delivering a child, but in participating fully in the birth process. This d esire can b e linked to D eu tsch’s d escription o f childbirth as a p eriod o f reg ression and creativity. As in o th er form s o f creativity, the actor opens h erse lf through withdrawal to the u n con sciou s and w hatever may lie unresolved w ithin it. In fact, for D eutsch, all the m ajor phases o f fem ale sexuality - puberty, pregnancy, ch ildbirth and m enopause - involve an opening up o f the se lf to u ncon sciou s states. Thus, crises in developm ent m eans an incorp oration and reorganization o f the unconscious into a new m ode o f co n scio u s bein g .3 Such a process is clearly visible in the lives o f Vaishali and G uneeta. (S e e th eir interviews p resen ted earlier in this ch ap ter.) Later in life, m others w hose ch ild ren have attained maturity, adulthood, and relative in d ep en d ence en joy autonom y, obtain

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pow er and con trol in and outside the household. They are in a sense repaid for th eir past hardships and trials through th eir ch ild ren ’s occupational su ccess and m arriage. O f the w om en interview ed, housew ives w ere the most fearful regarding th eir ch ild ren ’s future becau se they have the most invested in b ein g good m others. By contrast, the w orking m others worry m ost about the lack o f tim e spent with their child ren and the im pact o f a ch aotic hom e atm osphere on the children. M oreover, p ro ­ fessional w om en do not tend to m easure th eir worth in term s o f th eir ch ild ren ’s success. At the sam e tim e, as th eir roles sh rin k with age, th ere arise fears o f actual o r imaginary ailm ents. N onetheless, w om en in their late years, especially after m enopause, appear to b e m asculinized, w hile m en appear m o re fem inized in the sen se that w om en b eco m e authoritarian and aggressive w hereas m en seem to b eco m e passive, d ep en d ent and subm issive. Most o f the m others who have put up with troubled m ar­ riages feel a trium ph in that, thanks to th eir endurance, ch ild ren retained a father. We have a few excep tion s, o f course, nam ely separated couples such as Case No. 200, who is a sixty year old , uneducated woman belonging to the upper-caste, and a m iddleclass join t family. She resides with h er son and his family in Safdarjang D evelopm ent Area. For several years her husband inflicted pain on h er and tortured h er sexually. He would go and live with other w om en; in fact, h er m other-in-law expired from worrying about h er so n ’s conduct. At the risk o f depriving h er children o f a father, she left. Today, she relies on her ch ild ren for em otional and eco n om ic support. In the epics it is said that a man can act toward his w ife eith er as a spouse ( bhartar ), and/or a p rotector, husband (pati)\ but when he fails to fulfill eith er o f these attributes, then he is no longer con sid ered as spouse o r a husband. T h erefore, the woman does not sin, only the man sins; and if he goes astray by com m itting the great crim e o f adultery, it is only the man who sins. According to Manu, the adultress casts h er sin onto the h u s­

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band; he should have kept her away from it. W om en are seen as objects o f sin, so w om en do not sin.4 G enerally speaking, a man’s paternal instincts are satisfied by providing eco n o m ic support. However, in som e cases, we find g reater participation o f men in child-rearing, especially if the wife is a professional woman o r if the man works from home. It seem s that th ere is no m iddle ground: fathers eith er stay away from th eir ch ild ren or b eco m e deeply involved with them. If Indian m en do not participate in child-rearing and child-caring, it is becau se they have b een socialized not to do so or because they feel clumsy and incom petent in this area.

Mother-in-law / Daughter-in-law Syndrome W hether they are WEHS o r WELS, ou r respondents d escribe the other woman in the family as overbearing. W om en are eith er at the giving end o r the receiving end in the ro le o f mother/ daughter, mother-in-law/daughter-in-law and house-mistress/ house-maid. H ere, how ever, we shall focus the antagonism betw een m other-in-law and daughter-in-law. The ancient texts portray beautiful relations betw een parents-in-law and th eir daughter-in-law especially betw een the husband’s m other and the wife. In our study, the m ost consistent pattern that em erges is the opposition betw een m other-in-law and daughter-in-law. W hoever of the two has a stronger position uses it to inflict suffering on the o th er irresp ective o f caste, class o r religion. Neither has w om en’s education resolved this crisis. In the traditional join t family, this conflict is disguised and latent, for the daughter-in-law is exp ected to com ply with the wishes o f the o ld er woman. In fact, w hatever qualifications or capacity o n e has beco m es the yardstick by w hich o ne judges the other woman. This inevitably results in eith er disruptive behaviour o r futile critical confrontations. A generation gap, a d ifference in life-styles, unreasonable dowry expectations - all these com bin e to generate and aggravate this conflict.

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This conflict also has its base in the em otional nature o f m others. W hen the m other w ho has willingly approved o f h er so n ’s m arriage actually con fronts the young brid e - who now claim s the young m an’s affections - she realizes that sh e is in fact sacrificing h er son. It sim ply b eco m es u nbearable fo r her. As a result, she suffers em otional insecurity and engages in unantici­ pated com petition with all the ugly co n seq u en ces that it entails. T h e m other often uses h er son to oppress the daughter-in-law by provoking him and then highlighting his w ife’s negative traits. W hen it goes as far as b rid e burnings, dowry seem s to act m erely as an excu se judging from our observation. In actual fact, th e reason behind the so-called dowry death seem s to b e the m other-in-law ’s neurosis o r marital problem s arising from im potence, pre-m arital, extra-m arital and incestuous relatio n ­ ships. This gets cam ouflaged by the socially accep table evil o f dowry. W hen dowry dem ands are im posed on th e b rid e ’s parents b efo re or around th e tim e o f the m arriage, it is in d eed a case o f pure and sim ple greed. O ur respondents feel that in such a situation, the brid e need not regard it as a categorical im perative to b e m arried into such a family. We spoke with Case No. 70, twenty-eight years old, a graduate, w ho lived in a joint family with o n e child. Com ing from an upper-caste, w ell-to-do background, sh e had an arranged m arriage. For alm ost a year, she put up with h er m other-in-law ’s m isdem eanour. Ultimately, the son took con trol o f the situation as he could no lon ger tolerate his w ife being to r­ tured by his m other, and they left the family hom e. It appears that this is o n e o f the only ways to solve such a situation. Very rarely does coercin g, coaxing, masking, postponing, ro le m odifi­ cation, marital o r family coun sellin g and the like help. G uneeta, w hose story is in this chapter, is a case in point. G enerally, a woman w ho has suffered at the hands o f o th ers - b e they w om en o r m en - tends to transfer the oppression o nto others instead o f becom in g m ore sympathetic. M oreover, th e intoleran ce o f o th er w om en is aim ed at those aspects o r ch arac­

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teristics o f th eir character which one is not ready to accept in o n e ’s own self. This ‘sam eness’ observes Jongew ard, threatens w om en.5 O f course, wipmen do not all react in the sam e way; th ere are several possibilities, such as: • Form erly oppressed, she now oppresses others. • Form erly oppressed, she does not now oppress others. • She is currently oppressing others, but careful not to let others oppress her. • She neither oppresses anyone nor allows anybody to oppress her. Women, we find, might act according to one m ode at one stage of th eir life and according to another at another stage or can act consistently according to any o f these.

Women’s Health: Not in Fine Fettle G enerally speaking, the WEHS (only ten per cent o f our sam ple) did not com plain about ill-health. O therw ise m ore than half o f WELS (ninety per cent o f our sam ple) face health problem par­ ticularly in relation to their reproductive systems. As we reported, em otional deprivation and disturbances affect the health of wom en in the upper strata to a marked degree while w orries, anxieties and phobias triggered by financial in sec­ urities or a ch ild ’s failure prevent women in the middle strata from keeping fit as a fiddle. In the low er strata, general unhygienic conditions and nutritional deficiency are the culprits for w om en’s ill-health. T hese wom en talked about the pains of m otherhood and abortions. Ten per cent o f w om en in our sam ple have lost th eir children through m iscarriages o r through infant mortality as a result o f pre-m ature births, low birthweight, pre-natal neglect or lack o f proper m edical attention. The nutritionally m ost vulnerable groups are invariably the low er-class wom en, especially pregnant and nursing m others. The social custom o f males eating first and w om en last still operates in som e urban fam ilies. This in com bination with general poverty and scarcity spells the under- o r mal nutrition

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for w om en. Frequent and clo sely spaced child-bearing alongwith the dem ands and p ressu re o f w ork in the pu blic dom ain are o th er m ajor causes o f poor health among w om en. Fifteen p er cen t o f our respondents ex p erien ce such a situation. W om en’s em ploym ent status, does not, th erefo re, necessarily lighten the burden on women sin ce they continue to b ea r responsibility for th eir household ch o res and continue to suffer health problem s. T h ere are also many cases o f fem ale-headed h ou sehold s w here the situation is no better. Let us take a look at the life o f an industrial w orker. She is forty-five years old, illiterate, and a widow. She w orks at Birla Mills, Malka Ganj. She belongs to th e low er caste and earns Rs. 300 per month. She is the m other o f six daughters and it is with great difficulty that she manages to accom m odate h er work sched u le after perform ing h er h ou sehold duties. Her husband died o f tuberculosis. Six a b o r­ tions and six consecutive childbirths have adversely affected h e r health. She is terribly unhappy about not having a son and dreads the thought o f marrying o ff her daughters. As it is, they are barely living from hand to mouth. The com bination o f jo b , household duties and worry result in bouts o f insomnia. A high fertility rate has been inextricably linked with th e low so cio -eco n o m ic status o f w om en, especially in u n d er­ developed countries. O ur data confirm s this observation. Lowercaste, low er-class and Muslim w om en tend to have m o re children in our sam ple. Muslim w om en are the w orst-hit w hen it com es to bearing children. The num ber o f children am ongst Muslims in our study varies from one to twelve, with an average o f five children per family. For instance, Case No, 6 is thirty-five years old and the m other o f eight children. She works as a sw eeper to sustain her family, w hich includes h er husband’s other wife and six children. She makes Rs. 250 per month w hile her husband has an unstable, m eagre incom e. She suffers from serious health problem s. Her failing strength made h er look wilted and sickly.

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Another case o f a young Muslim woman, aged twenty-six is disheartening. (Case No. 76). She is educated up to the Higher Secondary, lives in a nuclear family in Jam a Masjid area and is the m other o f seven children. She m entioned having had six abortions and getting beaten up if she tried to resist. Her husband d o esn ’t allow her to get sterilized. She was advised to consult a social w orker in her area, but her husband d oesn ’t perm it h er to step out o f the house. She broke down as she related h er story. When she was in his p resen ce, her intim i­ dation was palpable. Many wom en in Indian fam ilies, we feel, opt for an em o ­ tional distance betw een them selves and their husbands for obvious reasons. Rather, they tend to focus em otionally on their children and/or career. When they are over-involved in m other­ hood, women are predisposed to speak in term s o f the relational ‘w e’ instead o f their autonom ous ‘I ’. Probably the fear o f sepa­ rateness stops them from gearing up for a m ore independent, non-blam ing and straightforward stance vis-à-vis th eir husbands. Although Indian women try to alleviate their suffering and reduce their anxiety by bein g conversational and seeking em o ­ tional contact with others, they also adopt m echanism s o f with­ drawal, intellectualization, silen ce, sarcasm and sullenness to overcom e the suffering.

Sexuality Sexuality plays a prom inent role in the developm ent o f o n e ’s psyche and identity. Examining human sexuality is not a new phenom enon and has entailed violating moral o r physical codes. As the fem ale ro le has changed over past decades, so has there been a shift in w om en’s attitudes towards their sexuality. The w om en’s movem ent has increased awareness about fem ale sex­ uality, and myths and taboos are being broken as w om en discuss openly how they feel and what they want. The em ergen ce o f an autonom ous-sexuality paradigm has through cultural m edia­ tions, challenged cultural m ores as well as the way p eople co n ­

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struct th eir identity. Although an independent exp ressio n o f o n e ’s sexuality can exist, the fears, dream s and fantasies attached to d esire reflect an interiorization o f o n e ’s culture. It seem s that, o n ce a woman is anchored in the institution o f m arriage, h er sexuality is taken for granted and is disregarded as a su bject fo r investigation by scholars. We took a different tach and c o n ­ sciously endeavoured to elicit responses from m arried w om en regarding th eir sexuality. Forty per cen t of the w om en fell silen t when we raised the su bject o f sexuality, w hile twenty p er cen t spoke in m onosyll­ ables only and visibly w ithheld the inform ation. Only forty p er cent o f our respondents w ere w illing to answ er and discuss the subject w hile a handful shook off the yoke entirely and enlightened us as to th eir sexual exp erien ces. All in all, w om en felt inhibited to verbalize their sexual exp erien ces. The upperclass, educated women w ere m ore articulate com pared to the low er and m iddle-class, uneducated w om en w ho kept back plenty o f inform ation. The m iddle-class, educated w om en proved the most inhibited and cautious about discussing th eir sexuality. Statistics alon e cannot draw a real picture o f this dom ain and related feelings. O ur study points to sexuality as an inner sou rce o f disturbance and the one area w here w om en d esire to effect changes. It is maintained that a woman ex p erien ces her sexuality as a child through the cultural definitions o f the fem inine. This process continues up through m enstruation - i.e., through p u b­ erty, h er adult years m arked by the repetition o f cycles and th eir cessation at m enopause. In h eterosexu al o r hom osexual relationships, pregnancy, childbirth and child care, sh e again ex p erien ces the activity o f her body only in relation to h er social context. The norm al growth spurt o f ad olescen ce is one o f the many biological surprises in store for w om en. Everything changes for a girl as she develops physically, horm onally and em otionally during puberty. Our subjects reveal how m others disapprove or

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fail to n otice th eir daughter’s m enses and how this disregard leaves the girls hurt and feeling unloved. Perhaps, the etern al triangle heats up as the daughter begins to separate h erself from her parents. It seem s that both m other and daughter feel shy, em barrassed about sharing the bodily and em otional changes taking place during adolescence. The m other alm ost vanishes as a parent; in turn, the daughter’s anger at her m other hardens if the parent continu es to neglect the ch ild ’s developm ent. W omen expressed feelings o f depression, hop elessness, exhaustion and inadequacy depending on the phase o f their cycle. T hese stresses are not exclusively nor necessarily linked to m enopause. Although many w om en speak o f m enstruation as a ‘cu rse’, they cannot envision them selves without this cycle. Most o f our respondents feel that th eir m ood fluctuates according to th eir period. They reported exp erien cin g em o ­ tional vulnerability, irritation, tension, anger, im patience, w eep ­ iness and confusion as pre-m enstrual symptoms. However, once they start menstruating, a calm ness descends upon them ; once their m enses are over, they ex p erien ce a sen se o f freshness, cleanliness and clarity. Som e w om en, we observed, tend to be m ore garrulous during their m enstruation. As one woman also rem arked, “A pre-m enstrual woman is like a w itch, a menstruating woman a parrot, and a post-m enstrual woman a washer-w om an.” We also noted that wom en tended to “sp ill se c­ rets” m ore easily during their parrot phase. Current research points to the social and cultural co n text in which pre-m enstrual symptoms occur, do not occur o r vary in form and degree according to the constitution o f the individual in question. T hese symptoms include nervous tension, m ood swings, irritability, anxiety, weight gain, headaches, increased appetite, fatigue, depression, forgetfulness, tearfulness, con fu ­ sion, insom nia, cramps and backache. It is th erefore only natural that the fem inine tem peram ent fluctuates according to the waxing and waning o f her phases and energy cycles and that this, in turn, makes w om en perceive subjective and objective tim e

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differently, as som e o bserv ers have pointed out. By su bjective tim e we m ean som atic rhythms coincid in g with psychological tim e, w hile objective tim e refers to ch ron o log ical tim e. Perhaps this can partially explain the high discrepancy sco re betw een a w om an’s subjective ex p erien ce o f status and her objectiv e life conditions. Som e o f our respondents still feel they must curb th eir activities during m enstruation. It am ounts to a quasi-withdrawal sin ce they refrain from bathing, cooking o r perform ing any religious rituals, going so far as taking a day o r two o ff if they a re w orking in the public sphere. Most o f o u r su bjects p ractise sexual abstin en ce during m enstruation even though som e o f them ex p erien ce a heightened sexual desire. For instance, o n e woman said: “I feel I blossom during m enstruation and that th ere is no danger o f becom ing pregnant, but I am perceived as ill and im pure.” Interestingly, all the WEHS speak o f being sexually co m ­ patible with th eir husbands and o f enjoying a satisfactory sexu al status. T h ere was but one excep tion to this, a Sindhi w om an, aged thirty-one years. She is a graduate, works in a bank and belon gs to the upper m iddle class. She is the m other o f two c h il­ dren, and she has no com plaints save regarding h er sexual life. Her dissatisfaction in this dom ain often leads to q u arrels with her husband and mars the quality o f their relationship. According to her, she is unable to satisfy his demands. W hile an excep tion am ong WEHS, this is com m on am ong WELS, many o f whom face a sim ilar situation and a num ber o f whom end up being battered for not perform ing th eir marital duty. As is also obvious from our case studies that m ost w om en subm it to their husbands. Sexual in tercou rse p er se d o esn ’t interest them as much as the act o f being together, caressed and m aintaining a tender contact. (S e e Nisha’s and Aprajita’s stories in chapters five and six). For most o f them it constitu tes a m arital duty, and they participate passively, rem aining recu m ­ bent. Many women ex p erien ce the sexual act with their husband

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as ‘unpleasant’, ‘dirty’, ‘distasteful’, ‘dangerous’, ‘painful’ and ‘disgusting’. Mostly, the w om en we interview ed declined to discuss th eir sexuality with th eir husbands. They also tend to see sex exclusively in term s o f reproduction. N on-procreative sexu­ ality is slowly gaining currency am ongst a sm all section o f urban wom en. They are trying to expand th eir sexual sensitivities and sexual flexibility; open n ess is em erging as a new ideology. (S e e the cases o f Bharati in chapter six and Vaishali in this chapter.) Many o f today’s attitudes take root in classical tim es, but not all. T he distinction betw een love and m arriage is suggested in ancient literature, and the classical texts p ro ject both negative and positive images o f wom en. But if the epics, on o n e hand, do not celeb ra te the birth o f a girl, they do, on the other, claim the p aren ts’ sadness at the birth o f a girl but only becau se they cannot help but think o f the day w hen a brid egroom will rob them o f th eir loved o n e.6 The ep ics also portray p eo p le as caught betw een sensuality and asceticism . They depict two types o f p er­ sonality: the voluptuary and the ren ou n cer, the o n e perceiving w om en as greedy and lustful seductresses, the o ther viewing them as virtuous, self-sacrificing and n oble. Becau se sexual union is indispensable for m otherhood, sexuality is valued, though love and marital duty are con sid ered separate. Love begins with m enstruation and during the infertile ritu period (days im m ediately follow ing the m enses). At this tim e sexuality is a holy right and com m and and intended to exp ress love. From this th ere arose the notion o f the sexual ascetic w ho restricts copulation to the ritu? If in w edlock copulation is linked exclu ­ sively to reproduction, then it is easy to understand the em erg en ce o f pre-m arital and extra-m arital relationships as a love versus m arriage pursuit. W ilhelm Reich’s notion o f sexual liberation is related to orgastic potency. The orgastically potent individual is free o f destructive aggression and will spontaneously, without the pressu re o f a moral co n scien ce, enjoy doing what is right and socially ben eficial. Repressed sexuality is the way in which all

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authoritarian structures are m aintained. H ence, rep ressio n dis­ appears when sexuality is restored to its natural state.8 R eich’s observation probably finds a parallel in the natural distinction made betw een love and m arriage in the ancient texts. This relates to w om en ’s m enstrual cycles insofar as they cause h er to be seen as undergoing cycles o f purity and p o llu ­ tion. She becom es d esirable only during the purity stage though we find referen ces to the in alterable purity o f water and pearls and the endurable clean lin ess o f woman, child and old man. The juxtapositon o f these conflicting p rojections o f woman finds its counterpart in the portrayal o f woman as a sym bol o f sincerity, love and sacrifice as w ell as the em bodim ent o f m istrust, g reed , lust and querulousness. Most o f the w om en in our sam ple w ere also reluctant to discuss extra-m arital relations. W omen in the m iddle-class are overly conscious o f their image. As one o f them retorted: “It suits us to project the Sita-Savitri image. We gain resp ect.” (S e e the case o f Mrs. Lai in chapter six.) O therw ise, beh ind a thick veil o f secrecy, people develop sexual liaisons within o r outside the family. (S e e the inform ation provided by Vaishali’s patients and other interview ees.) Everytime we raised the issue o f preand extra-m arital relationships, w om en tended to take a m oral stance, labelling such activities as im m oral and bad. We also raised questions regarding lesbianism , but the respondents avoided this area o f discussion. Only o n e woman tacitly referred to it and only as a phenom enon w hich involved others during her days in the hostel. (S e e the case o f Suman in chapter five.) It seem s w om en are not yet ready to discuss issues regarding lesbianism . Very few w om en seem to have body-consciousness. The notion o f being physically presentable is alm ost m issing excep t among wom en o f the upper and upper-m iddle class. Mostly w om en are preoccu pied with th eir roles as m others, wives and w orkers and these dom inate their consciousness. R esearchers in the past have m entioned sexual gratification in association with

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parturition (ch ild b irth ) and lactation (su ckling). This also strengthens the mother/child bond and indicates the extent to w hich m otherhood gives w om en pleasure. No w onder w om en display a passion for bearing and rearing ch ild ren (in our sam ple, the num ber o f ch ild ren ranges betw een o ne and twelve) and the consequ ent seem ing d eclin e in their libido. Most o f the w om en express the prevalence o f not only dou ble but m ultiple standards regarding male/female sexuality. Sexuality becom es a m ajor note o f discord ance in marital har­ mony. Som e w om en from upper-class, traditional fam ilies m ention th eir frustrations. Men take sexual liberties, and women are th eir sexual property with no right to admit th eir own sexual d esires and feelings even to th eir husbands. For exam ple, we have the case of a fifty-nine year old Jain woman (Case No. 127). She lives in a joint family in a posh colony. The son provides for the household expend itures as h er husband is retired. He is twelve years old er than she. She grum bled about his inability to satisfy her sexually and his advances towards the daughter-inlaw. T h erefore, she characterizes him as very suspicious and dom inating and as not allow ing her to move out on h er own. He even im posed eco n om ic sanctions on h er w henever he doubted h er fidelity, so much so that it becam e extrem ely difficult for her to manage household affairs. Even during the interview, he barged in and asked for my identity card and then tried to eavesdrop on our conversation. It is little w onder that, given these kinds o f situations, w om en grow distrustful o f men. The increase in dom estic v iolen ce is snatching away the safety o f a w om an’s hom e, as proved by the many w om en who reported being battered and physically abused. O ur study finds that w ife-beating is an everyday o ccu rren ce for w om en in the low er-classes, w hile w om en from the m iddle and upper classes are occasional victims. Only a few o f them retaliate o r use vio­ len ce as a m easure for self-defence. The beatings are often induced by som ething the wife does/says o r d o esn ’t do/doesn’t say o r by h er denying h er husband sexual favours. Men probably

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find the lack o f com m unication with th eir wife, jealousy, alcoholism and w om en’s increasing in d ep endence th reaten in g and they end up feelin g sexually fragile. T o com bat this, they m ake their wife the target o f th eir frustration and anger. At tim es, men also suffer from som e inferiority com plex w hen they are unable to live up to so ciety ’s ideal o f masculinity. It is only after m uch p ersisten ce on the interview er’s part that wom en held up their head and adm itted th eir agony. G en ­ erally they end ure repeated beatings for various reasons. Casting stones at th eir husband leaves them with a great deal o f guilt - this is perhaps becau se the m essage they got from th eir m others was that they had to tolerate m ale aggression and defend th eir husband as a religious duty. Also, it appears to som e w om en that the m ore h er husband beats her, the m ore h e needs her. This is com pounded by h er fears that, if she tries to resist or seek help, the v iolence might spill over to the ch ild ren . W omen con tin u e to accept th eir husband’s aggression b ecau se they have now here to go, no eco n om ic security, an aversion to raising fatherless children, and, perhaps, no courage to defy social customs. In the instances o f m ale battering, it seem s that w om en resort to v iolence out o f sh eer help lessness and d esp er­ ation or out o f a lack o f em otional attention from men, p o sses­ siveness and jealousy. However, mental o r physical v iolence against w om en, w hether sporadic o r recu rrent, cannot b e dis­ m issed as a conventional com m onplace. V iolence against w om en can be partially explained by Horney’s observations. Horney m entions the fears men have o f wom en. Throughout the history man has seen woman as a sinister and m ysterious being, particularly dangerous w hen sh e is menstruating. Man attem pts to deal with his dread through denial and defence- Men deny their dread by resorting to love and adoration, and defend them selves from it by conqu ering, debasing and dim inishing a w om an’s se lf respect.9 Foucault’s insight that sexuality is endow ed with the greatest instrum en­ tality and is am enable to the most varied strategies also helps us

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to understand the dynamics o f human relationships.10 Thus, having sexual and em otional access to women only on w om en’s term s coupled with w om en’s indifference towards m en is, perhaps, what perturbs m en most. It is not a qu estion o f w om en’s sexual appetites overw helm ing and devouring them n o r a fear that w om en will b e em otionally over-indulgent. Finally, we would like to point out that the w om en w ho w il­ lingly discussed the su bject o f sexuality still would periodically pause or low er th eir ton e and even talk in w hispers. It seem s w om en becom e suspect even by engaging in an enthusiastic dis­ co u rse on sexuality. By low ering th eir voices, they protect their conventional purity and goodness.

•

CHAPTER

EIGHT

CONCLUSION:

'

EXPERI ENTI AL AWARENESS

W O M E N ’S studies place w om en’s ex p erien ce at the cen tre o f inquiry, fill in m issing inform ation about w om en in history, exp lo d e the myth o f apolitical o bjectiv e know ledge, co rrect m is­ conceptions about wom en’s bodies, mental capacities, activities and achievements. O ne can, thus, locate this study in an ongoing discussion o f gender, society and sociological ambivalence. O ver the last decade, there has b een much developm ental activity aim ed at enhancing the status o f women. Various agencies have initiated projects for w om en the w orld over, esp e ­ cially in developing countries. Academ icians are debating on how the status o f w om en relates to division o f labour, o p p res­ sion , discrim ination, gen d er distinctions, the invisibility, m uted­ ness, or exclu sion o f w om en, etc. In India, both individuals and institutions undertook studies co n cern in g w om en’s p roblem s, needs and status during the w om en’s decade, but the subjective dim ension o f status rem ained unrecognized as an im portant aspect o f study. By subjective dim ension, we m ean the ex p e­ riential realm o r internal reality o f the mind as reflected in the consciousness o f individual social actors and the m eaning they attach to it. We have argued that the qualitative dim ension is integral to the way in which w om en ex p erien ce position, oppression and the transform ation thereof. W om en’s subjective w orld rem ained a ch allenge and an unexp lored d irection for scholars. The o ver­ w helm ing im portance given h ere to w om en’s subjectivity aims

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to recognize experien tial aw areness in the form ation o f their consciousness. The seat o f creativity is w here th ere occur the making and breaking o f perceptions, m eanings, sym bolic exp ressions and representations in a cultural context, and it is what we have characterized as ‘The Womb o f Mind.’ The m etaphor, seat o f creativity is used to indicate that the womb o f mind is m ore than m erely the conventional conception of mind. In o ther words, this m etaphor seeks to transcend the traditional d ichotom ies o f mind and matter, subjectivity and objectivity, and to locate a new th eoretical vantage point. We have used this approach to developm ent issues regarding w om en when for­ m ulating the m ethodology applied in this em pirical investi­ gation into the status-experience o f w om en in Delhi. In a com plex, h ierarchical and heterogenou s country such as India, the status o f w om en is affected by innum erable factors including class, caste, region, religion, family, education, age, production and reproduction. The socio-cultural com plexion o f Indian society is still predom inantly Brahm anical, although it is eroding progressively. N onetheless, the contribution and impact o f o ther religions and com m unities cannot b e under-estim ated The pluralistic nature o f Indian society with its associated com plex o f differences is a well-known fact, yet, generally speaking, patriarchal hegem ony - b e it in coarse o r subtle form - cuts across all these m ultifarious levels. Any change, be it m icro o r m acro, past or present, always has both a positive as w ell as a negative impact. The processes o f developm ent, urbanization and m odernization, for instance, play a role both in creating and resolving im balances. According to widely accepted criteria on status assessm ent, th ere has been a deterioration o f the relative status o f w om en in post-inde­ pendent India. In spite o f the constitutional provisions for w om en in India, the drop in their num bers, life expectancy, lit­ eracy rate, internal m igration rate and eco n om ic participation vis-a-vis men denotes instead a trem endous insecurity and helplessness. Though wom en theoretically have access to all

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avenues o f learning and public appointm ents, in actual practice, girls’ en rollm ent in schools is m uch low er than that o f boys, and only a sm all percentage o f w om en is eith er highly qualified o r holds a top position in a pu blic o r private organisation. The m em bers o f a g irl’s family, both m en and w om en, socialize h er in such a way as to en sure her subjugation into a subm issive and subordinate being. A m niocentesis in th e urban areas with the sole purpose o f determ ining sex, fem ale infanticide among p oor agricultural-labour fam ilies, w idespread harrassm ent o f brides, and an increasing num ber o f dowry deaths am ong the m iddle and upper classes speak all too clearly o f w om en’s predicam ent. The Report o f the Committee on the Status o f Women in India contains ample statistical data on important social and econom ic variables affecting the personal development o f women in India and their patterns o f social behaviour. However, it doesn’t succeed in touching upon the subjective dim ension o f women’s status, which our study reveals as essential to any discussion on women and the quality o f life they enjoy o r fail to enjoy. At this point, it is worth taking another look at the d iscre­ pancy betw een objective conditions and the way in w hich wom en perceive them.

Table : I Discrepancy Score between Objective and Subjective Status. Subjective Perception

WEHS-Women Experiencing a High Status WELS-Women Experiencing a Low Status Total

Women having High Status (Objective criteria)

Women having Low Status (Objective criteria)

Total

8.5%

1.5%

10%

48.0%

42.0%

90%

56.5%

43.5%

100%

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O bjectively speaking, 56.5 p er cen t o f the respondents m eet the objective criteria o f a high status, w hereas 43.5 p er cent live in conditions con sid ered low status. However, only 10 per cent speak o f exp erien cin g a high status, w hile a full 90 p er cent co m ­ plain o f exp erien cin g a low status. This m eans that 48 p er cent o f w om en who objectively enjoy a high status ex p erien ce a low one. O n the o th er hand, 1.5 p er cen t o f w om en who have an objectively low status ex p erien ce a high one. The discrepancy betw een the o bjectiv e and subjective dim ensions underscores the pluralism o f status-dynamism and gives a new twist to the data co llected hitherto. O ur study indicates the follow ing status-experiences for w om en : • An objectively high status synchronizes with a subjectively high status ex p erien ce; • An objectively high status co in cid es with a subjectively low status ex p erien ce; • An objectively low status synchronizes with a subjectively low status ex p erien ce; • An objectively low status co in cid es with a subjectively high status ex p erien ce; • The notion o f internal and extern al status com es into being: a gain in external status could imply a loss in the internal realm , and a gain in internal status could m ean a loss in the external realm . Through o u r in-depth interview s, we have also discovered that: • status cannot b e view ed in absolute term s, i.e., an overall high status d oesn ’t n ecessarily imply a high status in all sp heres; by the sam e token, an overall low status d o esn ’t necessarily mean a low status in all sp heres; • status com pensation occurs, i.e., a low status in o ne sphere is com pensated by a high status in an oth er sp h ere o r vice versa. In o th er words, evolution and devolution go hand in hand. • status fluctuates and depends on the ex p erien ce o f tim e and

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space both at the individual and so cietal level. T he relation betw een su bject and o b ject constitutes e x p e ri­ en ce, and co n scio u sn ess seem s to b e the unifying p rincip le at w ork here. By this we m ean that co n scio u sn ess brings both the su bject and the o b je c t’s co re reality into an inseparable unit exp erien ce. At tim es, the resulting e x p erien ce does not co in cid e with the way p eo p le p erceiv e th eir objectiv e situation w hen they step back and take a hard look. This is illustrated most vividly by the discrepancy betw een the way w om en ex p erien ce th eir objective and su bjective status. The pyramid o f data we have erected , th erefo re, covers the corp se of a still-born co n cep t o f status - i.e., the definition o f status which takes into account only hard, objective data. In an attempt to go beyond this definition, w e have incorporated w om en’s subjectivity into the co n cep t o f status by presenting indepth, taped interview s becau se, as we have said befo re, su b jec­ tivity colours to a large extent a w om an’s life situation. Fu rther­ m ore, the m aterial thus generated proves both provocative and liberating, and the very length and circu itou sness o f the in ter­ views allows us to glim pse the creative p ro cess through w hich w om en filter th eir o bjectiv e reality. Taking into account the su b­ jective dim ension through the ‘feeling ap proach’ also equ ips us with another tool with w hich to understand w om en’s status. As quantum physics has taught us, the way in w hich we observe greatly determ ines the nature o f what we end up observing. It is th erefore im perative that we develop a variety o f observation tools if we want to co m e up with as co m p lete a picture o f reality as possible. We feel that the significant contribution of ou r study lies in its providing a su bjective dim ension to the p ictu re o f reality scholars b efo re us have painted o f w om en. In our conversations with two hundred women from dif­ ferent backgrounds we explored various them es, of w hich the m ajor ones em erge clearly in the stories p resen ted in Chapters five, six and seven. We looked at how w om en ex p erien ce th eir lives in term s o f th eir family, education, occup ation, class,

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religion and sexuality, and we exp lo red the m eaning they assign to th eir experiential reality. O ur conversations with them have deepen ed our conviction that the subjective dim ension o f w om en’s status helps us to tap significant aspects o f their total reality. The fact that th eir self-percep tion does not always co r­ respond with their objective position tells us a lot. The in ter­ views clearly indicate tharw hat w om en deem oppressive in th eir lives revolves less around objective factors such as incom e and m ore around such things as the upheavals they ex p erien ce, their anxiety, relationships, deprivations; death, the unexpected, the lugubrious, the forbid den; jealou sies, betrayals, tyrannies, acrim oniousness, aggressive outbursts. It is these exp erien ces and the structure o f th eir feelings that tend to co lou r w om en’s situations. What we have reco rd ed in ou r study is how our in ter­ view ees feel about th eir ex p erien ce at the tim e o f the interviews. However, when we follow the interview s closely, we observe that the experiential categories o f high and low cannot be co n ­ ceived in term s o f two separate, sharply counter-posed pigeon h oles, but as the polar ends o f a continuum . Many o f our p ro ­ tagonists move from o n e end o f the spectrum to the other during their life time. We also d iscern, how ever feebly, that the process o f acquiring an experien tially high status from a low status is intimately con n ected with the form ation o f a w om an’s personal identity. This in turn, is closely associated with her p ro ­ fessional perform ance. Tapping the subterranean levels o f w om en’s w orld has brought forth th eir am bivalences. We recapitulate som e o f these here. Wife/mother and ca reer are the two basic roles available to women. Though it often gen erates con flict in term s o f activities and capacities, many w om en participate in both the private and the public realm s but at different tim es in th eir lives; others ch o o se o n e o f the two roles and stick to it throughout their life; w hile yet others try to com b in e both options sim ultaneously. T he social and psychological co n seq u en ces o f the latter ch o ice

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are inevitable and ubiquitous, creatin g both practical p roblem s and em otional com plexities. In ou r study, w e have em phasized that no single role, b e it wife/mother o r em ployed/career wom an, is p er se eith er debilitating o r intrinsically excitin g, val­ uable o r frustrating, fulfilling o r boring, enriching o r a waste o f tim e. O ur respondents tended to view changes in the fem ale ro le as an opportunity for flexib ility and grow th, not m erely as a cause o f confusion, stress and am bivalence. It is w om en’s su b jec­ tivity that determ ines to a large exten t how they p erceiv e th eir occupational roles. This explains why we find no absolu tes : a n u m ber o f housew ives and em ployed w om en exp ress satis­ faction with th eir roles w hereas many others, b e they h o u se­ wives o r ca reer w om en, feel utterly dissatisfied and think the grass grow s g reen er on the o th er side. O ver the last four decades, education in India has co n sid ­ erably changed the contours - both o b jectiv e and su bjective - o f w om en’s lives in the urban areas. Even though the education o f w om en still evokes am bivalent reactions and som etim es oppos­ ition, it has provided w om en with an identity outside th eir family unit. Educated w om en are trying to red efin e their selfh ood and w om anhood. Undoubtedly, com pared to th eir uneducated sisters, they are ex p erien cin g d eep er internal and extern al conflicts over life-d ecisions. Societal dem ands pose a dilem m a for highly educated w om en. Fulfilling th eir wife/ m other ro le w hile pursuing th eir educational and professional am bitions inevitably in creases th eir psychological burden. Not only do th ese w om en have rising exp ectation s and frustrations, but education has brought about changes in th eir family and m arried life as well. M oreover, if the educated professional w om en we spoke to bew ailed over having norm ative doubts about them selves, the educated housew ives w eren ’t always certain o f having made a legitim ate ch o ice. The way w om en regard the family and its ro le also shapes

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th eir exp erien ce. We find that the fam ily-ideology professed by our respondents acts as a d efen ce against w om en’s autonomy and selfhood or as a d efen ce against em otional and econ om ic helplessness. G enerally speaking, in the Indian family, w om en’s autonom y and self-relian ce are not extolled excep t sporadically. It is not th erefore surprising that most o f our su bjects appear to p erceive them selves in the con text o f th eir family. The profamily ideology saves our respondents from confronting a series o f contradictions betw een the family ideal and the contem porary realities o f the household. This explains why, even when they had am ple reasons - eco n om ic and em otional - to break up their family, most w om en ch o se not to. This is changing, how­ ever, as we see studying the nature o f m arriage, divorce, inter-generational relations, sexuality and gen d er roles. Som e w om en have recognized that the family keeps women in a double-bind situation - on o n e hand it oppresses them , but it also provides them support and p rotection . When confronted with the gap betw een the prom ise and the reality o f family life, they revolt. This by no m eans proves to be the easier option. W om en who have questioned the family institution are still co n ­ ceiving alternative family form s. At the sam e tim e, others are applying legal, m edical and psycho-analytical m eans in an effort to restore the family and en ab le it to live up to its ideal. In a dramatic departure from the classic ideal o f a w om an’s ro le in life, som e professional w om en in our study no longer find it disgraceful to rem ain single even though they com e under constant and increasing social pressure. Also, m ore and m ore w om en are viewing divorce as a solution to unhappy m ar­ riages despite the stigm a w hich continues to accom pany the co u ­ pling and uncoupling at will o f men and w om en. Divorce d oesn ’t seem to reflect m oral bankruptcy but rather a new co n ­ ception o f marriage, o n e w hich places g reater em phasis on p er­ sonal satisfaction. Finally, one cannot speak o f the ro le family life plays in shaping a w om an’s reality without dw elling on the m other-in-

212

THE WOMB O F MIND

law/daughter-in-law syndrom e w hich perpetuates a perm anent sp h ere o f discordance and incorp orates strain into the very structure o f the family. T ogether with the unstructured strain, as m anifested in the unpredictability o f family m em b ers’ behaviour and roles, pushes w om en to seek satisfaction in th eir ability to soothe feelings and calm frayed tem pers. According to m ost o f our declaratory interviews, family interactions can often b e h os­ tile, and th eir intensity, especially in a nu clear set-up, fosters both love and hatred. In exp lorin g the religiou s dim ension o f w om en’s reality w e discover that, despite the techn ological ethos, an eco log ical aw areness and so cio -eco n om ic changes, relig ion rem ains a co n ­ stant so u rce o f consolation in w om en’s lives. Religion has en cou n tered secularism and, if m odernity has ero d ed som e o f the religious b eliefs and form s, it has also triggered a reaction to the notions o f rationality. The end result is that religion lives on, albeit precariously. Even though relig ion constitutes an am orphous variable, it is n on eth eless an im portant one, w hich shapes w om en’s identity and p rescrib es th eir activities. If, at one level, relig ion constrains w om en, at another level, it frees them by helping them to com m unicate, com m une and connect. The fact that no ideal can be fully realized in real life does not deter from the im portant purpose they serve in inspiring individuals and saving them from drow ning in utter d ejection and hopelessness. For w om en, it is the inspiring aspect o f the Sita myth w hich enters th eir lives and both rationalizes their day-to-day ex p erien ce o f oppression and encou rages them to perform the roles o f faithful wife, good m other, pow erful woman and martyr within the fram ew ork o f family ideology. N evertheless, the myth is also liberating in the sen se that it con- ■ tinues to provide a sense o f ord er, m eaning and satisfaction to w om en’s activities. The ro le crises play in w om en’s lives also em erged as crucial to th eir experiential reality. We find that crisis points com pel w om en to view tradition with skepticism and, in many

CONCLUSION: EXPERIENTIAL AWARENESS

213

cases, to defy it. In addition to the contradiction a woman ex p erien ces betw eeen h er private and public roles, she also faces the in herent con flict betw een h er m otherly and ero tic selves*. Preserving h er fem ininity w hile at the sam e tim e developing h er com petitive self intensifies the strain betw een h er two m odes o f being. Today, w om en must co p e with a vast array o f inner and outer shifts and changes. Usually they ex p erien ce dilem m as that arouse anger and an unfulfilled longing for self-validation. Not surprisingly, we find that many w om en ex p erien ce a disjointed sense o f being o r a fragm ented se lf in a constantly changing world. T hese changing circum stances have made w om en abandon the security o f tradition and dare to not conform m indlessly to established notions o f what is good for them . Experience im plies ch oices, erro rs and risks. O ur interview ees spoke eloquently about the em otional avalanches they ex p erien ce as th eir m arriages and w ork-situations undergo shifts in quick suc­ cession. The ongoing changes, em otional losses and dissolution o f bonds that our protagonists confront at som e point o r the o ther ren d er them vulnerable to depressions and phobias. The loss o f im portant relations low ers their self-esteem , leaving them to contend with a dim inished o r depleted sense o f self. W hile som e w om en rem ain paralyzed em otionally from this, others em erge triumphant. W hen it com es to developing th eir psyche and identity, sex ­ uality plays a prom inent role. Exam ining o n e ’s own sexuality is not by any m eans a new phenom enon, nor is it an easy one. It has entailed violating m oral o r physical codes. As the fem ale role has changed over the past decades, so has w om en’s attitudes towards th eir sexuality evolved. Our study points to sexuality as an in n er sou rce o f disturbance and the one area w here Indian w om en m ost d esire to effect changes. To sum up, what we have tried to establish is the o b je c ­ tiveness o f w om en’s exp erien tial aw areness. It is this ex p e­ riential aw areness which determ ines the scope and lim itations

214

THE WOMB O F MIND

o f w om en’s consciousness in a given cultural context. It is the exp erien tial aw areness that dictates a w om an’s acceptance o f h er conditions o r h er revolt against them. Perhaps it would be relevant to relate this point to the debates regarding Fem inist Epistem ologies. The various m odels o f fem inist epistem ology have been characterized as Fem inist Em piricism , Fem inist Standpoint T h eories and Fem inist Post-m odernism .1 Fem inist Em piricism em phasizes the existen ce of the w orld independent o f the human know er and claim s that the w orld can be understood through o n e’s senses and reason. It has evolved a sophisticated m ethodology to elim inate inaccuracies w hich com e into play due to human subjectivity. W hereas Fem inist Standpoint T h eo ries point towards the need for the right kind o f m ed iation (s) to discover the truth undistorted by subjectivity. (T h e right kind o f m ediation is the proletariat or the op pressed w om en.) Thus, the idea o f co rrectness o f truth is com m on to th e above theories, both o f which seek to evolve a m ethodology with the aim o f eliminating all traces o f subjectivity. Post-modern­ ism, on the o ther hand, claims that no truthful picture o f reality can escape partiality. Thus, post-m odernists question the plau si­ bility o f the claim s that truth exists ou tsid e’ waiting to be d isco ­ vered. What can be known, according to them , is the plurality o f truths, each dependent upon the situatedness o f each o bserv er. In other words, post-m odernism rejects the notion o f o b jectiv e truth and denies that there is such a thing as a uniform reality fo r wom en, which can be known and rationally established. As is clear from our work, we partially co rro bo rate the p o st­ m odernist idea o f the plurality o f truths that result from th e situatedness o f our protagonists. However, if one attempts, as w e have done in our study, to construct the varied and rich ex p erien ce o f w om en, one discovers a pattern o f shared e x p e r i­ ences. This pattern cannot b e called an objectiv e truth as u n d er­ stood in ‘Fem inist Em piricism ’ and ‘Fem inist Standpoint T h eo ries’. Yet, it is objective in the sense that it em erges as a com m on denom inator despite the varied situatedness. So, what

CONCLUSION: EXPERIENTIAL AWARENESS

215

e m e r g e s as objective is what we call the ‘experiential aw areness’ o f w om en in a particular cultural context. We do not subscribe t o the view that th ere exists an objective w orld outside w hose tr u th can b e established independent o f subjectivity. In fact, we a r e o f the view that, despite human subjectivity, th ere still exists o b je ctiv ity o f ex p erien ce (w hich is a creative synthesis o f both su b jectiv ity and objectivity) and that this can b e established by ap p ly in g the m ethodology that we have sought to develop in our w o rk . Thus, fem inist epistem ologies, rather than focusing on t h e objective world, need to focus on the objectivity o f e x p e r ie n c e in o rd er to escape the post-m odernist trap.

APPENDIX

Table-1 Age Distribution of Respondents Age Group

Case Numbers

2 0 -3 0 yrs

Number of Respondents

Percentage

1,2,3,7,12,18,21,26,30,40,42,45,51,54,55,58,61,64 65,70, 71,73,75,76,78,79,84,90,92,98,101,102,107,114,115,119, 120,122,125,129,134,140,144,147,149,150,156,158,160,161, 164,168,169,170,171,172,173,174,175,178,179,180,182,186, 189,191,195,197

68

34

31 -40yrs

4.5.6.14.15.16.17.28.31.33.36.37.39.41.44.53.59.60.62, 63,67,74,81,88,89,91,96,97,99,106,110,112,113,121,126, 137.142.143.145.146.151.152.153.154.155.159.162.163.165, 166,176,181,184,185,187,188,192,193.198

59

29.5

4 1 -5 0 yrs

8,9,10,11,13,19.24,25,27,29,32,38,43,46,47,49,52,57,66, 68.69.72.77.82.94.100.103.108.109, 111, 116,117,118,123, 128,131,132,135,141,148,167,177,183,190

44

22

51 - 6 0 yrs

20,22,23,34,35,48,50,56,80,83,85,86,87,93,95,104,105,124, 127.130.133.136.138.139.157.194.196.199.200

29

14.5

Total

200

100

Table-2 Distribution of Respondents According to Religion Religion

Case Numbers

Hindus

Number of Respondents

Percentage

1,2,4,5,7,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,21,25,26,29,30,31, 34.36.37.39.40.41.42.43.46.47.49.50.51.52.55.57.60.61.62, 63.65,67,69,70,71,72,73,74,75,77,78,79,81,82,84,85,86,87, 88.89.90.92.93.99.100.101.102.103.104.105.107.108.109, 110, 111, 113,115,116,118,119,120,121,122,125,131,132,133, 135,136,137,138,139.140,141,142,143,144,145,146,149,151, 152.153.154.156.157.158.159.160.161.162.163.164.165.166, 167,175,176,180,181,182,183,184,189,190,191,192,193,194, 195.196.197.198.199.200

135

67.5

Muslims

6,8,9,22,27,33,28,38,44,53,54,58,59,68,76,80,83,91,96, 97,106,112,114,155,170,173,178,179,186,188

30

15.0

Sikh

23,24,35,45,48,66,94,95,98,117,123,124,130,185,187

15

7.5

Jains

19,20,32,127,134,148,150,168,171,174

10

5.0

Christians

3,56,64,126,128,129,147,169,172,177

10

50

Total

200

100

APPENDIX

217

Table - 3 Marital Status Marital Status

Case Numbers

Unmarried Married

Number oí Respondents

Percentage

51,64,134,161,168,169,170,171,172,174

10

50

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,18,19,20,21,23,25,26,

165

82.5

27,28,29,30,32,33,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47, 48,49,50,53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60,61,62,63,65,66,67,68,69, 70,71,72,73,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,84,85,86.88,89,90,91,92, 93,94.95,96,98,99,100,101,102,103,104,105,106,107,106,109, 110, 111, 112,113,114,115,116,117,118,119,120,121,122,123, 125,126,127,128,129,131,132,133,136,137,139,140,141,142, 143,144,145,146,147,148,149,150,151,152,153,154,155,156, 157,158,159,160,163,164,165,166,167,175,176,180,181,182, 183.184.185.186.188.189.190.191.193.195.196.197.198.199 Divorced

74,162,173,178,179

5

2.5

Widowed

8,17,22,24,31.34,52,82,83,87, 97,124,130,135,138,177,187,192,194,200,

20

10.0

Total

200

100

Number of Respondents

Percentage

Table- 4 Educational Profile of Respondents Level of Education

Case Numbers

Illiterate

1,6,8,9,15,26,28,31,33,34,44,46,51,52,53,55,58,60,65,71, 72,73,74,77,82,83,84,86,92,93,96,97,105,106,107,112,116, 138.155.157.158.162.163.165.166.167.176.185.186.192.199

51

255

Higher Secondary

2,3,7,11,12,13,17,18,19,23,24,27,29,30,32,37,38,39,40,41, 43,49,50,61,66,67,76,78.79,81,85,87,90,91,95,98,100,101, 103,108,114,115,117,120,122,123,124,127,133,134,137,141, 146,147,148,149,152,153,156,159,164,180,181,182,183,184, 187,189,191,193,194,195,197,200

74

37.0

College A above

4,5,10,14,16,20,21,22,25,35,36,42,45,47,48,54,56,57,59,62, 63,64.68,69,70,75,80,88,89,94,99,102,104,109,110,111. 113,118,119,121,125,126,128,129, 130,131,132,135,136,139,140,142,143,144,145,150,151,154, 160,161,168,169,170,171,172,173,174,175,177,178,179,188, 190,196,198

75

37.5

Total

200

100

218

THE WOMB OF MIND

Table - 5 Nature of Family Family

Case Numbers

Nuclear

Joint

Number oí Respondents

Percentage

1.2,3,4,5,9,10,11,13,15,17,18.20,21.22, Z3,24,25,26,27,29, 30,31,32,35,37,38,39,40,41,43,44,45,47,48,49,50,52,53,54. 55,56,57,58,59,60,61,62,64,65,66,67.68,69,70,71,72,75,76, 77,79,81,82,83,84,85,88,90,92,94,95,96,97,96,100,101, 102,103,104,107,108, 111, 112,113,115,118,119,120,121,122, 123,124,125,126,127,128,129,130,131,132,137,138,139,140, 141,142,143,146,147,149,150,151,152,153,154,156,157,158, 160,162,163,165,166,167,168,169,170,171,172,173,174,176, 177.178.180.181.182.183.186.188.190.191.192.193.196.198

146

73

6,7,8,12.14.16.19,28,33,34,36,42,46,51,63,73,74,78,80'86,

54

27

200

100

87,89,91,93,99.105,106,109,110,114,116,117,133,134,135, 136,144,145,148,155,159,161,164,175,179,184,185,187.189, 194.195.197.199.200 Total

Table - 6 Family Income of Respondents in 1980 Family

Case Numbers

Number of

Percentage

Respondents

Income per. Month Below Rs. 500

1,6,12,15,18,26,27,31.44,46,51,52,53,58,60,65,71,72,73. 74,77,78,81,82,84,86,90,98,106,107,114,116,122,138,155, 157,158,159,160,162,163,164,165,166,176,182,184,185,192, 193.198

51

255

Rs. 5 0 1 1500

3,7,8,9,11,13.14,17,23,25,28,29,30,33,38,39,40,41.42,47, 48,49,54,55,61,64,67,76,79,83,85,91,93,96,97,100,103,112, 115,117,119,135,141,142,144,146,147,148,161,167,168,171, 172.175.177.179.180.187.188.189.190.191.197.200

64

32.0

Rs. 1501 2500

2,5,10,19,20,21,22,32,34,36,37,50,56,57,59,62,68,69,70, 75,88,89,92,94,95,99,101,102,108,109,110, 111, 113,118,120, 125,126,127,128,130,131,132,133,137,139,143,149,150,151, 152,169,174,178,181,183,186,194,195

58

29.0

Rs. 2501 & above

4,16.24,35,43,45,63,66,80,87,104,105,121,123,124,129,134, 136,140,145,153.154,156,170,173,196,199

27

135

Total

200

100

APPENDIX

219

Table- 7 Occupational Background of Respondents Occupational Case Numbers Status

Number of Respondents

Percentage

48

24.0

5

2.5

127

635

Doing unpaid 40,44,53,90.107,113,136,173,176,177 work

10

50

Students

10

5.0

200

100

Employed

4,6,16,21,22,31,41,45,51,52,55,56,58,59,69,71,72,73,74, 75,80,82,83,88,97,101,102,109,120,121,134,138,139,145, 147,155,157,158,159,161,162,167,181,187,188,192,195,197

Unemployed 125,130,131,142,143 Housewife

1,2,3,5,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14.15,17,18,19,20,23,24,25, 26,27,28,29,30,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,42,43,46,47,48,49, 50,54,57,60,61,62,63,65,66,67,68,70,76,77,78,79,81,84, 85,86,87,89,91,92,93,94,95,96,98,99,100,103,104,105,106, 108,110, 111, 112,114,115,116,117,118,119,122,123,124,126, 127,129,132,133,135,137,140,141,144,146,148,149,150,151, 152,153,154,156,160,163,164,165,166,175,180,182,183,184, 185,186,189,190,191,193,194,196,198,199,200

64,128,168,169,170,171,172,174,178,179 Total

THE WOMB OF MIND

220

NOT E S

Chapter I: Introduction 1. DAWN;

Development Alternatives with Women fo r a New Era,

ISST, Deen

Dayal Upadhya Marg, D elhi, 1985, Introduction. 2. I would like to draw a distinction betw een em pirical investigation and em pirical method. My em phasis on the subjective dim ension im plies the rejection o f positivist em piricist method. 3. Manorama Savur; See h er writings on Women, 1981 and

Freud on Man and

Society,

Popular Books, Bombay, 1965. 4. Alison M. Jaggar; Feminist Politics and

Human Nature,

The Harvester

Press, Sussex, 1983, Introduction. 5. J. A. Jackson (Ed ); Social Stratification, Cambridge University Press, G. B., 1968, pp. 14-24. 6. R Linton;

The Study o f Man, Appleton

115. 7. R. K. Merton; ‘Status’ in

Century Crafts, USA, 1964, pp. 113-

Encyclopedia o f Social Sciences,

McMillan, Free

Press, 1968. 8. Max W eber; ibid. 9. B. N. M ukherjee; A M ultidim ensional Concept o f Status o f Women',

Change, D elhi, March - Ju n e, 1975. Encounters, Allen Lane,

10. E. Goffman;

pp. 73-134 11. Satish Saberwal; Introduction.

Roots o f Crisis,

Social

The Penguin Press, London, 1961,

O xford University Press, D elhi, 1986,

12. Census o f India, 1981, Paper I, Series 28, Delhi. 13. ibid. Chapter II: Women and Society 1. L. Tiger;

Men in Groups,

Random House, New York, 1969.

2. Engels, F. and Karl Marx; The Origin o f the Family, Private Property and State, Progress Publishers, Moscow, 1968 and E. Davis, Tl)e First Sex, G. P Putnam & Sons, New York, 1971. 3. E. Boserup; Women's Role in Economic Development, St. Martin's Press; New York 1970.

NOTES

4. Ann Oakley;

Sex, Gender and Society,

5. ibid. 6. Rosaldo and Lampere (Ed s.);

221

Tem ple Smith, London, 1970.

Women, Culture and Society,

Stanford Uni­

versity Press, California, 1974, pp. 17-41. 7. Parsons and Bales; See “Family Structure and the Socialization o f the Child” In Family Socialization and Interaction, G len coe Free Press, 1955. 8. A. Myrdal and V. Klein; Women's Two Roles - Home and Work, Routledge and Kegan Paul, London, 1970. 9. Erik H. Erickson; Dimensions D elhi, 1974, pp. 114- 115.

o f New Identity, Light & Life Publishers, New

Sex Differences - Cultural and Developmental Dimensions, Urizen Books, New York, 1976, pp. 25 - 31. R. Safilios; Towards a Sociology o f Women, X erox College Publishing, USA,

10. Patrick C. Lee and Robert S. Steward (Ed s.); 11.

1972. 12. R. Linton; op.cit. pp. 116-117. 13. DAWN; op. cit., p. 9. 14. S. Freud; “Som e Psychical C onsequences o f the Anatomical Distinction Betw een the Sexes” In 15. ibid. 16 J B Miller (Ed ); London, 1973.

Sex Differences,

op.cit., pp. 45-5Q.

Psychoanalysis and Women

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17. M. A. Mattoon; Jungian Psychology in Perspective, The Free Press, New York 1981, Chapter - ‘Structure and Psyche’. 18. E. Harding; Women’s Mysteries, G. P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, 1971, p. 15. 19. A. Adler; “S e x ” In Psychoanalysis and Women, op.cit., pp. 40-49. 20. J. A. C. Brown; 21. ibid.

Freud and Post-Freudians,

Penguin Books, London, 1964.

22. Eric Fromm; Anatomy o f Human Destructiveness , Penguin Books, London, 1977. 23. H. Deutsch; “M otherhood and Sexuality” In

Psychology o f Women,

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The

Vol. II, Bantam Books, USA, 1973.

24. E. Harding; op., cit. p. 10. 25. ibid.; pp. 29-38. 26. G. Buhler; The Laws

o f Manu,

Sacred Books o f the East, XXV, p. 135.

27. E. Harding; op.cit., pp. 64-83Chapter III: Women in Indian Society 1. J. H. Williams; Psychology o f Women Norton, New York, 1977, p. 8

- Behaviour in a Biosocial Context,

2. Susan S. Wadley; The Powers o f Tamil Women, Maxwell School o f Public Affairs, Syracuse University, New York, 1981

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222

3. Sim one de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, Knopf, New York, 1953. 4. Renuka Singh; Sita-Consciousness amongst Indian Women Today, U npub­ lished paper, D elhi, 1988. 5. See Works o f Alteker (1 9 6 2 ), Indra (1 9 5 5 ), I. M ookerji (1 9 7 2 ), Shastri ( I 9 6 0 ) listed in the bibliography. 6. A. S. Altekar; The Position o f Women

in Hindu Civilization, Motilal Banarsi

Das, D elhi, 1962, pp. 410-411. 7. V. Majumdar (Ed );

Symbols o f Power,

Allied Publishers, New D elhi, 1979,

p. 15. 8. See works by M. N. Srinivas (1 9 7 8 ), S.C. D ube (1 9 6 3 ) and V. Majumdar (1 9 7 8 ) cited in the bibliography. 9. S. C. Dube; “M en’s and W om en’s Roles in India” In (Ed ), Barbara C. Ward, UNESCO, Paris, 1963. 10. M. N. Srinivas;

Women in New Asia,

Changing Position o f Indian Women,

O xford University

Press, 1978. 11. V. Majumdar; “Towards Equality - Status o f Women in India” In

the World

Women in

(Ed.), U. Phadnis and I. Malini, Vikas Publishing House, New-

D elhi, 1978. 12. Romilla Thapar; “Looking Back in History” In

Indian Women (Ed.);

Devaki

Jain, Publication Division, D elhi, 1975. 13. Neera Desai; Struggle fo r Indian Women’s Emancipation, m im eographed paper presented at Sociological C on feren ce in 1976, p. 8. 14. A. B eteille; “Position o f Women in Indian Society” In op.cit. 15. Suma Chitnis; “Redefinition o f Sex R oles" In 16. I. Ahmed; “Women in Politics” In

Indian Women,

Indian Women, Indian Women, op. cit.

op. cit.

17. Devaki Jain; op. cit., Introduction. 18. Alfred D’ Souza; Women in Contemporary India , Manoharlal, Delhi, 1975. 19. P Kapur, The Changing Role and Status o f Women, Sterling Publishers, New D elhi, 1972. 20. D. G. Mandelbaum;

Human Fertility in India,

University o f California

Press, Los Angeles, p.16. 21. Victor D’ Souza; “Family Status and Fem ale Work Participation” In in Contemporary India, op. cit., Chapter 8.

Women

22. Gail Omvedt; “Rural O rigins o f W om en’s Liberation in India”, Social Scien­

tist,

No. 40-41, 1975.

Towards Equality - Report o f the Committee on Status o f Women in India, New D elhi, 1974, ICSSR Report, D epartm ent o f Human W elfare. Dhirendra Narayan, (Ed.), Explorations in the Family and Other Essays,

23. S ee 24.

Thacker and Co. Bombay, 1975. 25. Richard Lannoy;

The Speaking Tree,

O xford University Press, New York,

NOTES

1971. 26. Sudhir Kakar;

The Inner World, O xford

p 56. 27. R. K. M ukherjee; “Family in India” In

223

University Press, New Delhi, 1978,

Explorations in the Family, op.cit. Family Sociali­

28. T. Parsons; "The Family in Urban Industrial A m erica” In 29.

zation and Interaction Process, op. cit. W. J. G ood e; World Revolution and Family Patterns,

Press, 196330. R. Linton; “The Natural History o f the Family” In

and Destiny -

G len coe, III., Free

The Family; Its Function

R. N. Ashen (E d .), Harper and Row, New York, 1945

31. D. G. Madelbaum; op. cit. 34. D. Jongew ard; Bom to Win, Addison W esley, Mass, 1971. Chapter IV: Our Perspective and Methodology 1. T. Parsons; Family Structure and Socialization o f the Child, op.cit. 2. Max Black (Ed ); The Social Theories ofTalcot Parsons, Prentice Hall, Inc. New Jersey , 1961 3. R. F. Murphy; The 4. 5.

Dialectics o f Social Life, Basic Books, New York, 1971. S. Freud; The Future o f Illusion, The Hogarth Press, London, 1973. K. Marx and F. Engels; On Religion, Foreign Languages Publishing House,

USSR, 1957. 6. R. F. Murphy; op. cit. Chapter V: Dilemm as o f Social Class? 1.

Women in India, Ministry

o f Social and W om en’s W elfare, Governm ent o f

India, 1985, p. 43. Chapter VI: Chains o f Religious Consciousness? 1. M. Kishwar; (Ed.) Women Bbakta Poets, Manushi Trust, New D elhi, 1989. 2. A G iddens; Capitalism and Modem Theory, Cambridge University Press, 1971, pp. 218-223. 3. M. W eber; “Religion" In Encyclopedia 4. A G iddens; op. cit., p. 220. 5. See J. A. C. Brown; Freud 6. See M. A. Mttoon; op. cit. 7. S ee

Ramayana

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The Tao o f Science, M. I. T. Press, Cambridge, Mass., 1957. Smart, Ninian, The Religious Experience o f Mankind, Collins, New York, 1969. Spencer, R. F., Religion and Change in Contemporary'Asian Society, University Siu, R. G. H.,

o f Minnesota Press, M inneapolis, 1971. Spender, Dale (Ed.), 1981.

Pergamon Press, Great Britain,

Social Change in Modem India,

Srinivas, M. N., Bombay,. 1966. Srinivas, M. N., 1978.

Men's Studies Modified,

Allied Publishers Pvt. Ltd.,

Changing Position o f Indian Women,

O xford University Press,

Srivastava, Vinita, Employment o f Educated Married Women, its Causes and Consequences with reference to Chandigarh, National Publishing House, New Delhi, 1978.

Heidegger, Fontana/Collins, Great Britain, 1978. Strauss, Levi, Structural Anthropology', Basic Books, New York, 1963. Subbamma, Malladi, Women: Tradition and Culture, Sterling Publishers,

Steiner, G eorge,

New

Delhi, 1985. Tharakan, Sophie M. and Michael Tharakan, ‘Status o f Women in India: A Historical Perspective’, Social Scientist, No. 40-41, 1975. Thomas, P., 1939.

Women and Marriage in India,

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Thomas, P., 1964.

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Thompson, Catherine, ‘Women Fertility and the Worship o f G ods’ In Women's Religious Experiences’ edited by Holden Pat-Croom, Helm, USA, 1983Tiger, Lionel,

Men in Groups,

Random House, New York, 1969-

236

THE WOMB OF MIND

Trivedi, H. R., Scheduled Caste Publishing Company, D elhi, 1976.

Women: Studies in Exploitation,

C on cep t

Feminine Roles, Popular Publications, Bom bay, 1 9 6 5 . V erg h ese.Jam ila , Her Gold and Her Body, Vikas Publishing House, D elhi, 1 9 8 0 . Vogel, Lise, Marxism and the Oppression o f Women: Towards a Unitan' Theory, Venkatarayappa, K. N.,

Pluto Press, USA, 1983.

Nature, Man and Woman, Vintage Books, W.F., Evolution and Revolution, Penguin

Watts, Alan W., W ertheim , London, 1975.

W estwood, Sallie and Parminder Bhachu, London, 1988. Whitelay, D.E.H. & R. Martin, (Eds.), Blackw el, Oxford, London, 1969.

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R outled ge,

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Basil

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W hitmont, Edward C.,

Whyte, M. K., University Press, New York, 1978.

Wortis, H elen and Clara Rabinowitz (E x.) Women’s Movement: Wiley, New York, 1972.

Social and

Psychological Perspectives, Jo h n

Zimbalist-, M ichelle, Rosaldo and Lamphqre Louise (Eds.), Woman, Stanford University Press, Stanford, California, 1974.

Culture

and Society,

Zim merman,

Jan

Tomorrow, Praeger,

(Ed.), The Technological New York, 1983.

Woman. Interfacing with

INDEX

Adler, 28 Ahmed, Imtiaz, 46 Alienation, M arxist theory of, 4 Altekar, A.S., 40 Aprajita, case study of, 110, 117-125, 187, 198 Aristotle, 5

Asbramas schem e,

49

history, 12-15 literacy in, 12 migrants to 13-15 population of, 12, 13 Desai, Neera, 46 Deutsch, 30, 189 D evelopm ent Alternatives with

Bahina, 114

Banjarans,

De Beauvoir, Sim one, 31, 39 Delhi, demography, 12

98-100

W omen for a New Era (DAWN), 3

Bentick, William, 42

Dialectical philosophy, 61, 62

B eteille, A., 46

Dirks, Nicholas B., 1 5 0 ,1 5 1 D ’Souza, Alfred, 46

Bbakti

m ovem ent, 114 Bharati, case study of, 132-136, 147,

199 Bhootalingam , Mathuram, 131 Brahmacharya ashrama, 49 Calvin, 115 Caste consciousness, among women,

Dube, S.C., 45 Dumont, Louis, 149, 150 Durkheim , E., 19, 58, 59, 114, 131 Eliade, M ircea, 127, 131 Erikson, 20 Factories Act 1958, 43

149-153 Chandra, Sharat, 106, 147

Family, cult of, and wom en, 48-53

Chitnis, Suma, 46

Femininity, . definition of, 18

Chodorow, Nancy, 35 Class struggle, con cep t of, 62 Com m ittee on Status o f W omen in India (CSW I), 2, 3, 47, 48, 206 Cult o f family, and wom en, 48-53

Fem ale, advantages of, 23-25

domain of, 30-33 Feuerbach, 62 Firestone, Shulam ith, 35 Foucault, 202 Freud, S., 26, 28, 5 9 -6 1 ,1 1 6 ,1 3 1

Das, Veena, 130 Daughter-in-law, Mother-in-law syndrome, 191-193

Fromm, 29 Functionalism , concept of, 59

INDEX

Gandhi, M.K., 42, 130 G end er concerns, in Sociological literature, 44-48 G hori, Mohammed, 41

Lévi-Strauss, Claude, 131, 158 Linton, 8, 25, 52 M ackenzie, Caroline, 148 Mahabharata, 184

Goffman, 9

Majumdar, Veena, 3, 45

G okhale, G.K., 42

Male, advantages of, 23-25 Malinowski, B., 131 Mandelbaum, 47

G oode, 52

Grhastba asbrama,

49, 50

Griffin, Susan, 35 G uneeta, case study of, 110, 161, 173-183, 185, 189 Harding, Esther, 31, 34 H eidegger, 60

Manu, 3 3 ,1 9 0 Marx, 4, 62, 115, 116 Mead, Margaret, 25 Meera, 114 Merton, 5,8

Hindu Marriage Act 1955, 43 Hindu Minority and Guardianship

Millet, Kate, 35

Act 1956, 43 Hindu mythology, concept o f fem ale

Moon cycle o f w om en, 31, 3 3 -3 5 Moses, 33 Mother-in-law, D aughter-in-law

in, 3 6 -3 9 ,1 2 5 -1 4 9 Hindu Succession Act 1956, 43 Horney, 29, 202

M itchell, Ju liet, 35

syndrom e, 191-193 M ukherjee, R.K., 9,51

Jain, Devaki, 46

Narayan, D hirendra, 50

Jongew ard, 53, 193 Jung, C., 2 7 ,1 1 6 ,1 3 1

N ietzsche, 131 Nisha, case study of, 73-82, 184, 187,

Kakar, Sudhir, 5 1 ,1 3 0 Kanya Mahavidyalaya, Jullundur, 83 Kapoor, Promilla, 47 Kapur (M rs) case study of, 139-141,

198 Nuclear family concept of, 59 O edipus com plex, 116 Omvedt, GaiL 47

145-146 Karma, concept of, 49

Parsons, 52, 58

Kavita, case study of, 1 3 6 -1 3 9 ,1 4 5 ,1 4 7

Patriarchy, in India, 110, 111

Kierkegard, 60 Kishwar, Madhu, 114

Position o f w om en, during 2500 B.C. to 500 B.C., 40, 41, 43

Lai (M rs) case study of, 141-146, 187,

200 Lannoy, Richard, 50 Lata, the gypsy w om en, 99,100 Lee, 21 Lenski, 5 Leslie, J., 158

500 B.C. to 700 A D ., 41, 43 700 A.D. to 1800 A.D., 41-43 C olonial period, 42-44 in independent India, 44 Prohibition o f Dowry Act 1958, 43

Purdah

system, 41, 45, 55 Q ueen B ee Syndrom e, 96

THE WOMB OF MIND

Ramacbaritamanasa, 127 Ramayana, 1 2 6 -1 2 8 ,1 4 7

Social status, 9

R e ic h , Wilhelm, 199, 200 R e lig io n

Society and w om en’s psyche, 26 30 Sociological literature, gender

aspects of, 117-125 co n cep t of, 113-117 Durkheim views on, 114-115 Freud views on, 116 Ju n g views on, 116

migrant labour, 98-101

concerns, 14, 44-48 Sons, p reference for, 50-53 Srinivas, M.N., 45 Status, concept of, 7-10

Marx views on, 1 1 5 ,1 1 6 sexuality and, 155-160

dim ensions of, 9, 10

Sita-consciousness, 125-149 spirituality and, 157-160

social, 9 subjective, 8-9, 69-73, 206, 207 o f women, see under, Women

W eber views on, 115 W omen and, 153-160 Reshma, the gypsy wom en, 9 9 ,1 0 0

objectives, 69-73, 206, 207

Stekel, 28 Stewart, 21

Rich, Andrienne, 35 Roof, Wade Clark, 126 Roy, Ram Mohan, 42

Subjective status, 8 ,9 ,6 9 - 7 3 ,2 0 6 ,2 0 7 Sublim ation, theory of, 59

Safilios, 23

186, 200 Suppression o f Prostitution and Im m oral Traffic Act 1958, 43

Samnyasa ashrama,

49

Sartre, 60 Sati custom, 42, 147 Senart, 150 Sex differences,

Suman, case study of, 82-90, 9 4 ,1 8 4 ,

Suttie, 28, 29 Thapar, Romilla, 46, 144 Tilak, Balgangadhar, 42

consensus on, 21-25 non-consensus on, 22-25 Shulman, David, 128, 130 Sita-consciousness among wom en,

Tonnies, 19 Tulsidas, 127, 129

125-149 Social class, dilemm as of, 68-112

Vaishali, case study of, 94, 110,

agricultural workers, 98, 101, 102 clerks, 97

Urban woman, 11-15

161-173,184-187, 189, 199, 200 Valmiki, 127-128, 130

Vanaprasatha ashrama,

domestic maidservants, 102, 103 family, 107-112

Vivekananda, 130

home-based w orkers, 97, 98 housewives, 103-107

Wadley, Susan, 37

income groups, 90-93 occupation, 93-95 part-time w orker, 97-98 professional, 95-97

49

W eber, 1 9 ,1 1 5 Whitmont, Edward C., 185-186 W omen, during 2500 B.C. to 500 B.C., 40-41, 43

INDEX

during 500 B.C. to 700 A.D., 4 1 ,4 3

rights of, 5

during 700 A.D. to 1800 A.D., 41,

sex differences, 21-25

43 abortion among, 29 agricultural w orkers, 9 8 ,1 0 1 ,1 0 2

sexuality and, 1 6 1 -1 8 3 ,1 9 5 -2 0 2 Sita-consciousness among,

case studies on, 73-90, 94, 99-100, 1 1 0 ,1 1 7 -1 2 5 ,1 3 6 -1 4 7 ,1 6 1 -1 8 3 , 184-187, 1 8 9 ,1 9 8 -2 0 0 caste consciousness among, 149-153 childbirth, 29 as clerks, 97 during colonial period, 42-44

125-149 society and, 16-35 status o f 2-4, 7-10, 17, 69-73, 206, 207 subjectivity 31, 69-73, 206, 207 in urban areas, 10-15 Women Experiencing a High Status (WEHS), characteristics of, 69-71, 93, 105,

crisis in life o f 11-15 culture and, 16-19 in D elhi. 54-67

1 0 6 ,1 5 6 ,1 9 1 ,1 9 3 ,1 9 8 , 206 Women Experiencing a Low Stiatus (WELS)

dom estic maidservants, 102, 103 education o f 105-107

characteristics of, 69-73, 93, 1 0 5 ,1 0 6 ,1 5 6 ,1 9 1 ,1 9 3 ,1 9 8 ,2 0 6 Women in D elhi, status of,

femininity, 30-33 health, 193-195 as hom e-based workers, 97, 98,

102

age distribution, 65 class background of, 66 educational profile, 66, 67

housewives, 103-105 images 9, 18

marital, 64, 65 m ethodology for study of, 54-67

by incom e, 90-93 in Indian society, 36-53 lives of, 1, 2 migrant labour, 98-101 in m odern society, 10-20

occupational profile, 66 religious and caste background of,

m oon cycle of, 31, 33-35 m otherhood among, 183-193 objective status of, 6 9 -7 3 ,2 0 6 ,2 0 7 by occupation, 93-95 oppression, 4 as part-tim e worker, 97-98 professional, 95-97, 110 psyche, 28-30 religion and, 113-125 religious activities among, 154-160 religious consciousness among, 153-160

63, 64 type o f family, 67, 68 Zoroaster, 33