The Seasons of a Man's Life: The Groundbreaking 10-Year Study That Was the Basis for Passages! 0345339010, 9780345339010

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THE GROUNDBREAKING 10-YEAR STUDY THAT WAS THE BASIS FOR

PASSAGES! THE MOST AMBITIOUS ACCOUNT OF THE ADULT

LIFE

CYCLE."

•NEWSWEEK

NATIONAL

DANIEL J, LEVINSON

BESTSELLER

WITH

CHARLOTTE N. DARROW • EDWARD B. KLEIN MARIA H. LEVINSON • BRAXTON McKEE (2j) Ballantine 28258 $5.95

in

U.S.A./S6.50

in

Canada

«

NEW COLLEGE OF CALIFORNIA (SF)

The Seasons of roan

'

s

a

1 i f

mu>

®

THE BAKER a TAYLOR CO.

ALSO BY DANIEL

J.

LEVINSON

THE AUTHORITARIAN PERSONALITY (1950) with Theodor

W. Adorno,

Else Frenkel-Brunswik and R. Nevitt Sanford

THE PATIENT AND THE MENTAL HOSPITAL (1957) co-edited with Milton Greenblatt

and Richard H. Williams

PATIENTHOOD IN THE MENTAL HOSPITAL: Role, Personality and Social Structure (1964)

with Eugene B. Gallagher

THE EXECUTIVE ROLE CONSTELLATION:

An Analysis of Personality and Role Relations in Management with Richard C. Hodgson and Abraham Zaleznik

(

1965)

TO by

Daniel

J.

Levinson

with Charlotte N.

Edward

B.

Darrow

Klein

Maria H. Levinson Braxton

McKee

Ballantine Books

•

New York

:

Copyright

© 1978 by Daniel

All rights reserved

J.

Levinson

under International and Pan-American

Copyright Conventions. Published

in the

United States by

Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, Inc.,

and simultaneously

in

New York,

Canada by Random House of Canada,

Limited, Toronto, Canada.

Library of Congress Catalog Card

Number: 77-20978

ISBN 0-345-28258-2 This edition published by arrangement with Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.

An

earlier version of

appeared

some

book

of the material in this

in

The May 1977 Copyright

issue of Psychiatry.

© by The William Alanson White

Psychiatric Foundation, Inc.

Used by permission.

We the People: American Character and Social Change (Greenwood

Press, 1977).

Life History Research in Psychopathology (University of Minnesota Press, 1974).

Since this page cannot legibly accommodate acknowledgments continue on page 353.

all

United States of America Books Edition: March 1979 Second Printing: May 1979

Manufactured

in the

First Ballantine

o

J

permissions,

To

our families, whose generations

in their rich variety

have so enhanced our appreciation of the seasons

\

8

1

®ontents Preface

I

ix

A VIEW OF ADULT DEVELOPMENT

i

The Life Cycle and

2

Eras

3

Developmental Periods: The Evolution

:

Its

Seasons

The Anatomy of the Life Cycle

of the Individual Life Structure

4

Four

II

5

Men

40

THE NOVICE PHASE OF EARLY ADULTHOOD Early Adult Transition, Entering

the Adult World, and the

Major Tasks

7

The Life of James Tracy,

8

The

Life of

of the

Age Thirty Transition

Novice Phase

6

9

1

64

The Novice Phase: The

III

3

71

90

Executive

(

112

I)

William Paulsen, Worker

1

26

THE SETTLING DOWN PERIOD

Settling

Down:

Building a Second Adult Life Structure

10

Five Sequences Through the Settling

1

The Life of James Tracy

12

The Life of Paul Namson,

(

II

)

Down

166

Novelist

171

Period

1

1

50

39

Vlll

CONTENTS

IV

THE MID-LIFE TRANSITION

AND ENTERING MIDDLE ADULTHOOD 13

The Mid-life Transition

14

Mid-life Individuation:

15

Mid-life Individuation:

16

Modifying the Life Structure

191

Young/Old, the Major

The Other Polarities

During the Mid-life Transition 17

The Life of John

18

Entering Middle Adulthood

19

The

Life of James Tracy (III)

V

CONCLUSIONS

20

Tasks and

Notes

Index

260

278 305

Adult Development

341

Permissions Acknowledgments

355

222

245

Barnes, Biologist

Possibilities of

Polarity

353

317

209

areface What

does

it

mean

be an adult?

to

What

are the root issues of adult life—

the essential problems and satisfactions, the sources of disappointment, fulfillment? Is there an underlying order in the progression of our

grief

and

lives

over the adult years, as there

me

tions of this kind led

and

years ago,

this

book

is

in

childhood and adolescence? Ques-

program of research some ten

to undertake a

my

reports the progress

and

colleagues

have made

I

them.

in answering

As our research progressed, it became increasingly clear that a developmental approach was needed in the study of adulthood, as of childhood. This was in abstract

it

itself

hardly a

new

began, there was

theory and even

little

adult phases in the

cycle

life

wide acceptance

idea, yet despite its

had remained curiously neglected

When

in practice.

less

research evidence regarding

and the nature of adult development.

Despite the increasing interest in adult development, there luctance to study the course of adult learn

more about the

life

some

in

possibilities of personal

growth

fear that careful scrutiny will reveal only decline

hope that

life

begins at

result of this pervasive

40—but

the great anxiety

dread about middle age

about the experience of being adult. is

one of the best-kept

secrets in

tory generally. People in the discuss the course

in the

our work

The

is

is

depth. is

re-

still

wish to

hampered by the

and

restriction.

that

it

Adults

ends there.

The

almost complete silence

concrete character of adult

life

human

his-

our society, and probably in

middle years generally find

and meaning

is

The

it

difficult

to

of their lives with their peers, younger

co-workers or youthful offspring. Middle age has been one of the great

taboo topics. In the

last

ten years there has been an increasing

number

of

and popular books (usually intended to be reassuring) on But our avoidance is still great and our knowledge limited.

novels, plays this topic.

The

widespread fears about old age have been widely recognized. Long

before old age anxieties

hood

is

is

imminent, however, middle age activates our deepest

about decline and dying. that there

is

no

life after

The most distressing fear in early adultyouth. Young adults often feel that to

Preface

x

pass 30

is

be "over the

to

hill,"

and they are given

different ages.

life at

The middle

and meaningless comfort

triviality

beyond hollow

problems and

cliches to provide a fuller sense of the actual

adult

little

possibilities of

they imagine, will bring

years,

at best, stagnation

and hopelessness

at

worst.

Middle age

usually regarded as a vague interim period, defined pri-

is

One

marily in negative terms.

but what vitality,

ability,

is

one

in a

more

is

no longer young and yet not quite old—

The

positive sense?

connotations of youth are

growth, mastery, the heroic; whereas old age connotes vulnerwithering, ending, the brink of nothingness.

Our

overly negative

imagery of old age adds greatly to the burden of middle age. to go through middle age in the

already very old;

and

though one were

cycle has

own

must know and accept These personal and our research goals. years,

and

virtues

of death, as

a self-defeating illusion to live

it is

of youth, as its

shadow

still

it

in the

shadow

simply young. Each phase in the

limitations.

To

realize its potential value,

terms and create our

its

It is terrifying

though one were

within

lives

it

life

we

accordingly.

professional considerations shaped the definition of

The

goals have

but the basic idea

is

been

and amplified over the

clarified

unchanged. Our primary aim

developmental perspective on adulthood in men. systematic conception of the entire

life cycle,

We want

is

to create a

to set forth a

while paying primary atten-

Each season has its own intrinsic molded by its place in the cycle. on was the "mid-life decade" from age 35 to 45; it

tion to the major seasons of adulthood.

nature and value, though

Our emphasis

at first

its

character

is

was then extended to cover the span from the

late teens to the late forties.

began imagining and planning the study in 1966, before the recent activity in this field had started. In embarking upon this work, I seemed to be entering a lonely and uncharted territory. The study reflected in part I

my intellectual

interest in the possibility of adult

development.

of topic also reflected a personal concern: at 46, transition into

middle age

in

The

choice

wanted to study the order to understand what I had been going I

my life had changed in crucial had "developed" in a sense I could not articulate. The study would light on my own experience and, I hoped, contribute to an understand-

through myself. Over the previous ten years ways; cast

I

ing of adult development in general. Later decision reflected

became evident that this There is a growing to see adulthood as something more than a long, years with childhood at one end and senility at the

more than my personal

desire in our society featureless stretch of

it

feelings.

other.

During the academic year 1966-1967, having

just

come

to Yale,

I

explored various theoretical issues within the broad domain of adult devel-

Preface

opment and moved toward

a specific research plan. In the fall of 1967,

Charlotte N. Darrow, Douglas

and

lyzing

some

S.

Derrer and Edward B. Klein joined me,

team was formed. Early

a research

pilot interviews,

xi

we

in 1968, after

conducting and ana-

submitted a research proposal to the Na-

Mental Health. The study was funded and had its formal January 1969, although by this time the work was well under

tional Institute of

inception in

Our

way.

first

subjects were interviewed in the

McKee

1970. Braxton

fall

of 1968, the last, early in

joined the project in 1968 and Maria H. Levinson in

when Derrer left to take a member of our group from 1968 1970,

Ray C. Walker was a owe him a special debt. He

position elsewhere. to 1971.

We

was the one Jungian in a group committed to other— chiefly Freudian— con-

With

ceptions of the person.

and

great tact

he helped us to

persistence,

assimilate Jung's ideas without having to reject other viewpoints. All of us

have become

Our pleted

less sectarian as a result.

the

initial

to a wider age span

proper next step, to write a

early in 1973.

By

this

we had moved from

and

we

felt,

a

a study of the mid-life decade

more general theory

of adult development.

The

was to develop further our concepts and findings,

book about them. Unfortunately,

in this field funds are

ordinarily given to initiate research, not to write books.

book has

we had com-

time

and follow-up interviewing and much of the case

analysis. In the process,

and

ended

research funding

The

writing of this

been complicated by the lack of funds and the generally

trfus

bleak economic situation of the universities.

Planning

this

book

in the spring of 1973,

we

decided that

I

would write

the chapters on the theory and findings, and each of the others would write a single biography. This division of labor has been followed. Charlotte

Darrow wrote the biography of the novelist Paul Namson, whom she had Edward Klein did the same for the executive James Tracy, and Braxton McKee for the worker William Paulsen. Maria Levinson interviewed.

joined the project after the interviewing had ended; she wrote the biogra-

phy

of the biologist

John Barnes,

whom

I

had interviewed.

I

completed the

data analysis and the conceptualization, and wrote the remaining chapters.

Braxton

McKee was

a great help to

me

in this work.

He

also

made

signifi-

cant contributions to the revision of the manuscript.

Although

I

was the originator of the study and the primary author of

the book, the research project was a cooperative one. As in rations,

it is

difficult to sort

members. The

mon

all

good collabo-

out the distinctive contributions of individual

five of us feel part of a collective process that yielded a

com-

product.

From

the

start,

our approach has been multidisciplinary.

on the individual and

his

development over the adult

years,

Our

focus

and

this has

is

xii

Preface

traditionally

been the

territory of

psychology and psychiatry. However, our

interest in the evolving life course requires us to place the individual in

we have

society:

to

examine a man's engagement with

his relationships, roles, involvements in the conflicts

and

This means, in turn, that

abilities.

social sciences

world

and humanities, upon

environment—

his

as well as his fantasies,

we must draw upon

the

disciplines such as sociology, anthro-

pology, history and political science, along with psychology and psychiatry.

We

boundary

are

then in the province of

discipline:

it

which

psychology,

social

creates a structure of theory

is

a

and knowledge linking

the disciplines that deal primarily with the individual and the disciplines that deal primarily with society, culture

adult development

This orientation

My

and

collective

life.

Our view

of

social-psychological in this sense.

is

is

reflected in the composition of the research team.

intellectual roots are in psychology, psychiatry

others' are primarily in psychology

(

and

(Darrow) and psychiatry-psychoanalysis (McKee). Our has brought each of us into

all

sociology.

Maria Levinson and Klein )

,

The

sociology

intellectual history

these disciplines, in a joint effort to create

an enterprise at the boundaries. In the spring of 1967,

I

invited several faculty colleagues at Yale to

meet and review

my

my commitment

to the research

others.

That

fall

embryonic research plan.

we began

A

few meetings validated

and evoked the sustained

a faculty seminar

interest of the

on adult development;

it

con-

tinued with minor changes in membership over the next four years. In

members included: Kenneth Keniston, Gerald L. Klerman, Graham Little, Theodore M. Mills, John S. Montgomery, David F. Musto, Peter M. Newton and Daniel P. Schwartz. The seminar was an essential part of our research method and helped

addition to the research team, the seminar

shape the course of the project.

We

discussed theoretical approaches,

re-

search articles, literary essays, biographies, clinical case studies, the individuals in our pilot study

about the

and our primary research sample.

relative merits of various personality theories

We

argued

and the impor-

The seminar members had origins and evolving interests in various disciplines, and wanted to work at the disciplinary boundaries. Most of us were then between 35 and 45 and were personally struggling with the developmental issues of this tance of societal influences in adult development.

Those who were a bit older or younger were by no means free of these concerns. It soon became evident that, if we were to engage in incisive intellectual discussion of the lives of others, we had to discuss our own lives as well. Although the main function of the seminar was to/facilitate decade.

the research enterprise,

it

contributed as well to our personal

deeply grateful to the individual

members and

own special way became a participant in

lives. I

to "the group" that in

the work.

am its

Preface

xiii

As the manuscript took shape and the choice of a publisher had to be made, we were extremely fortunate

in

having the consultation of Jane Isay

and Richard Grossman. Both of them read an early version of the manuscript and gave invaluable advice on the writing and on the issues of

With

publication. Sterling

help,

their

we

Donald Cutler

discovered

Lord Agency), who became our agent and helped

for the rest of the voyage.

He

steer

We

completing the manuscript.

is

made

substantial

individuals

and

literary

closely with

me

work of

revision. If this

serious, yet relatively free of the

pedantry of so

much scholarly writing, much of the credit Where it is not, the fault is our own.

Many

who, working

a major contribution to the

and

and

.

are grateful also to Jack Shepherd,

for over a year,

book

the

has been a godsend. Charles A. Elliott, our

editor at Knopf, has been a source of understanding, support sensibility in

(of

our course

institutions

goes to Shepherd and Elliott.

have been of great help over the past

ten years. Frederick C. Redlich, then chairman of the Psychiatry Departrjient at Yale University, provided the moral ^and material support that allowed to begin the exploratory

period of

some 20

years,

work before grant funds were

Gerald L. Klerman has been

available.

me

Over

a

my student, colleague

Connecticut Mental Health Center from 1967 to 1969, he participated actively in the growth of this endeavor and in my professional development. Throughout my Yale years Boris M. Astrachan

and

friend; as Director of the

has been a valued collaborator and friend; this study has benefitted in mani-

and administrative support. Peter M. Newton has spent countless hours with me in informal discussion, manufrom

fold ways

his personal interest

and collaborative work on various

script review

with Klerman, Astrachan and

Newton

ful

much

relationships

good mentor-

gain as his younger col-

Harding and Margit van Leight Frank contributed

in power-

intellectual substance and psychological work. Beyond her general influence on my life, my mother

though indirect ways to the

qualities of this

has

My

give evidence that, in a

ing relationship, the mentor derives at least as league. Esther

projects.

made

a very direct contribution to this book.

last several years bilities for

been the primary source of

my

Now 91,

she has over the

understanding of the possi-

self-development in old age.

Barbara Kellerman and toral dissertations utilizing

Wendy

Stewart have written the

first

our theory of adult development

two doc-

—Kellerman

doing a biography of Willy Brandt, Stewart a study of the development of

women from

age 17 to 35. Kellerman also contributed to the revision of

several chapters, especially the biography of

Our

James Tracy.

appreciation goes to the National Institute of Mental Health,

which gave

me

Award (Number MH-13032) as well (Number MH-15982) for the present study. The opera-

a Research Scientist

as a research grant

Preface

xiv

tion of this project has been

managed

in succession

by Katherine Cash,

Judy Townsend and Sharon Canosa. Each, in her own way, has contributed beyond the call of duty to our collective work and individual well-being. In particular, Sharon

Canosa has been

secretary, administrator

and stabilizing influence during the four long years this book has been a-borning. She

is

a full

member of the enterprise.

We wish to thank the companies known pseudonymously as Ajax Industries

and United Electronics

largely

company; we hope

it

had some

the workers and managers

Above

all,

into their lives

Since

for

welcoming us and allowing us to be guests

on our own terms. Our study was of no

indirect value for the

who became

companies and for

our research collaborators.

our thanks to the forty

men who

and allowed us to bring

their experience to a

we cannot thank you by name, we

anonymously

direct benefit to either

for the help

in the debt of the four

and

insight

men who

took us so full-heartedly

wide audience.

express our gratitude to

you gave

us. Finally,

we

you

are forever

agreed, after reading an early draft, to

permit publication of their biographies.

They support our fond hope

that

biographical research of this kind can be done on the basis of mutual respect

New

and cooperative

Haven,

May

1977

effort.

Daniel

J.

Levinson

A View of

a

Adult Development

The and

a

Life Cycle Its

Seasons

Great masses of data have been accumulated about adult

life.

There are

on marriage and

statistics

and

illness,

expectancy, occupation and income. There are studies of such stressful

life

events as retirement and "the

The

nature.

empty nest" syndrome.

on adulthood—but

extensive information its

specific features of

divorce, health

We

have, in short,

a very limited understanding of

basic developmental principles of adult life remain an

enigma.

We and we

much better understanding of the pre-adult years, up to know that development occurs during this part of life

have a

We

about age 20.

are able to trace

it

through a

series of periods: infancy, early child-

hood, middle childhood, pubescence, early and late adolescence. Our understanding of the pre-adult phase

we have examined

largely because

We

is

more profound and

systematic

from a developmental perspective.

regard childhood and adolescence as a formative phase, a time of

unique pleasures and life

it

to come.

The

conflicts, of

growth and preparation for the adult

overall shape of the first

twenty years emerges plainly:

an incomplete, highly dependent child grows in complex biological, psychological

and

social

ways to become, in greater or

lesser degree,

an inde-

pendent, responsible adult.

A

we

developmental approach to the pre-adult years means, too, that

can discern an underlying order in the child's

movement through them.

It

common

develop-

mental principles in childhood and adolescence and go through a

common

is

now

generally accepted that

all lives

are governed

by

sequence of developmental periods. At the same time, each individual has

its

A

own

special character

and follows

developmental approach

book we present

is

needed

hardly a novel idea, yet

cycle has rarely theoretical

own

special course.

in the study of adulthood. In this

and a more and middle adulthood. This is lr

a conception of the life cycle as a whole,

detailed picture of development in early itself

its

life

it

been studied

framework

has remained curiously neglected.

co stimulate

and guide

a

The

life

and there exists no program of research in

in the social sciences,

THE SEASONS OF A

MAN S

LIFE

these disciplines. In academic psychology the situation was only a

more

better in the 1960s, although

interest has

been generated

little

in recent

years.

Conceptions of the Life Cycle The most

promising view of the

comes from the

know

field

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939). Freud compassing

and of adult development,

cycle,

life

broadly as "depth psychology," founded by created a theory of personality en-

unconscious as well as conscious aspects, and showed

its

how

personality development in childhood profoundly influences one's life in

adulthood. In the excitement of his discoveries about childhood develop-

ment, however, Freud was inclined to regard adulthood primarily

as

a

scene in which the early unconscious conflicts were re-enacted, rather than

time of further development.

as a

In our view, the person

modern study most of

of adult

his thirties,

who

can justly be considered the father of the

development

Jung was

is

Carl G. Jung (1875-1961). During

a disciple of

Freud and

a leading

the newly forming psychoanalytic movement. In 1913 he

and gradually formed

Of

the

many

own

his

split

member

of

from Freud

school, Analytical Psychology.

intellectual differences

between Jung and Freud, two are

of especial relevance here. First, Jung felt that Freud was too narrowly

focused on childhood development and conflicts

and

creativities.

influence

its

on adult problems,

Jung forged a conception of the entire

life cycle,

giving particular attention to adult development in "the second half of life."

Second, he believed that Freud's strongly clinical orientation had led

to an overemphasis

on psychopathology and

internal

processes, to the neglect of social institutions, religion

Jung

set

out to develop a social psychology.

He

tried to

("intrapsychic")

and mythology. understand

indi-

vidual development as a product of both internal psychological processes

and

exterior cultural forces. His theory

patients tions

Jung's

main

interest

young

in the

is

analysis of ethnography,

from many cultures and

that the

up

and the

based on the clinical study of

mythology and symbolic

was the study of adult development.

adult, as part of

normal development,

He

is still

understood

highly caught

emotional involvements and conflicts of childhood and

pressed to cope with the personality cannot reach

crea-

historical periods.

demands

its full

of family,

growth by age

opportunity for fundamental change

starts at

is

hard-

work and community. The 20.

He

found that the next

about 40, "the noon of

life."

The Jung used the term "individuation" begins then and may extend over the

The

Life Cycle

for the

and

Seasons

Its

developmental process that

last half of

the

life cycle.

next great figure in the study of adult development

Erikson (born 1902). Although he

Erik H.

is

by training and allegiance a psycho-

is

analyst, Erikson provides a historical

and

intellectual link

between Freud

and Jung. His modifications of psychoanalytic theory bring him Jung, though he lacks some of the philosophical and mystical an

artist

closer to qualities

He

was iniand teacher. Seemingly by accident he became a Freudian

that kept Jung at odds with the professional establishment. tially

5

psychoanalyst in Vienna at about age 30, shortly before moving to the

United

States.

enormous influence

Erikson's

in the humanities, psychology

and the

began in 1950 with the publication of his first book, Childand Society. Since then, he has devoted himself primarily to the hood social sciences

method and a combined work on childhood has been more widely understood and appreciated than his work on study of adult development, using a biographical

historical-sociological-psychological

adulthood. Although he

mode

of analysis. His

on the boundary between the humanities and

is

is

than an academic

In this respect and others, he

scientist.

primarily a

life

more

closer to

Jung

humanist— a student

the social sciences, Erikson

is

of

than to Freud, whose thinking was deeply rooted in physiology and in nineteenth-century science.

On

the psychological side, our thinking about adult development thus

grows out of an intellectual tradition formed by Freud, Jung and Erikson. This tradition includes Rank, Adler, Reich and other socially oriented

depth psychologists. In recent

years,

these sources have been used by

Ernest Becker, Robert Lifton and others in creating a broader approach

The

to adult life in society.

schisms that for so long have divided the

vari-

ous schools of depth psychology, and have restricted the scope of each

The

viewpoint, are perhaps beginning to be outgrown. sectarian struggles

is

evident.

to the emergence of a

more

The

present study

will,

absurdity of the old

we hope,

contribute

integrative, nonsectarian approach.

In creating a deeper and more complex view of adulthood, one has to consider both the nature of the person and the nature of society. It

enough merely to acknowledge that influence the

life

history, culture

of the individual adult.

An

and

The

do

this will

not

adequate approach must be

informed by concepts and ways of thinking from the efforts to

is

social institutions

social sciences.

Our

be apparent throughout our book.

literature of biology,

psychology and the social sciences does not

contain a systematic conception of the

the course of the study

we

life

cycle

and

its

components. In

discovered a good deal about the

life

cycle

and

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

6

arrived at a conception of our 3,

and spelled out

own.

in later chapters.

It will

The

be presented

in

Chapters

2

and

starting point for our thinking was,

however, not an articulated theory but an intuitively derived, metaphorical sense of what the

cycle

life

is

about.

Let us begin at the beginning, with concrete meanings and images. First,

the term "life cycle." Other terms, such as "life span" and "life

synonyms

course," are often used as

meanings. "Life span" birth to death. It

how

this interval

is

"Life course" has

is filled.

life

over

time— the

course

what we are trying

is

says nothing

it

more content.

The term

the

It refers to

A

to understand.

theory provides one of several perspectives through which

and understand the

about

patterning of specific events, rela-

and aspirations that are the

tionships, achievements, failures life

but they have quite different

it,

a descriptively useful term, but

is

flow of the individual

The

for

simply a category referring to the interval from

stuff of life.

developmental

we

try to analyze

life course.

conveys another, more distinctive meaning.

"life cycle"

suggests that the life course has a particular character

and follows

It

a basic

sequence. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, the words "cycle" and "development" have the

form of kwel

is

English words such as

The term

cultivate.

Greek

coJere, the

circle, evolve,

cycle"

"life

made

words, but they are rarely

same root source:

telos.

They

Jewel.

The

Latin

contemporary

are sources for

completion, wheel, inhabit, culture,

contains the basic meanings of such

explicit.

I

would

like to articulate

two

of

the key meanings. First, there

to a termination point (death, conclusion).

(birth, origin)

a general,

the idea of a process or journey from a starting point

is

human

life

cycle

to propose that the journey

is

To

speak of

from birth to old

age follows an underlying, universal pattern on which there are endless cultural

and individual

variations.

Many

influences along the

way shape

They may produce alternate routes or detours may speed up or slow down the timetable within cerextreme cases they may stop the developmental process

the nature of the journey.

along the way; they tain limits; in

But

altogether.

as

long as the journey continues,

follows the basic

it

sequence.

Second, there the

life cycle.

There are

is

The

the idea of seasons: a series of periods or stages within process

character. Every season

though takes

it

is

not a simple, continuous, unchanging flow.

qualitatively different seasons, each having

also has

many

is

much

different in

its

own

distinctive

from those that precede and follow

common

with them.

The imagery

forms. There are seasons in the year: spring

is

soming, winter a time of death but also of rebirth and the

it,

of seasons

a time of blosstart of a

new

The cycle.

There are

day— daybreak, noon,

seasons, too, within a single

the quiet dark of night^each having logical character.

There are seasons

and

artistic creation

Life Cycle and Its Seasons

its

diurnal, atmospheric

7

dusk,

and psycho-

in a love relationship, in war, politics,

illness.

Metaphorically, everyone understands the connections between the seasons of the year and the seasons of the

an explanation of the "It's a long,

when you

between youth and middle

poem

To that

it

stable

to

"Do

is

that he

When

is

Dylan Thomas

is

Summer

different

from

each,

and

a transition its

own

its

or

and needs to be understood

more important than any

tributes

its

Before

I

of our study

other.

in

is

season

Each has

is

time;

its

is

To

it

more

a relatively

is

say that a season

is

stationary or static.

important in

it is

terms.

No

season

is

its

better

necessary place and con-

an organic part of the

and future and containing both within

present a

total

itself.

analytical view of the life cycle, a brief account

in order.

The Study The

A

required for the shift from

is

own own

special character to the whole. It

cycle, linking past

it is

life.

has a character different from

sunrise.

one season to the next. Every season has right

in his celebrated

experienced as the end of

however, does not mean that

Change goes on within

short

to say that the life course has a certain shape,

total cycle.

that of winter; twilight relatively stable,

the hero sings,

referring to the contrast

is

evolves through a series of definable forms.

segment of the

one needs

not go gentle into that good night,"

coming of night

speak of seasons

When

No

December/ And the days grow

know

all

age.

aging father,

tells his

clear to all that the

May we

reach September/'

life cycle.

"September Song."

lyrics to

long while from

human

of Adult

Development

character of this study was established during a two-year exploratory

period. It grew out of

my

strong but vaguely defined interest in learning

about the nature of adult development somewhere within the age span of 30 to 50.

I felt

intuitively that the years

portance in a person's

and introspecting, During

I

life.

decided to

this "mid-life decade,"

to "middle age."

None

I

reasoned, one

more

factually

made the

shift

from "youth"

of the above terms in quotes was precisely defined

either in the research literature or in to give a

around age 40 have a special im-

some preliminary reading, interviewing focus on the decade from age 35 to 45.

After

my own

mind.

My

initial

aims were

grounded meaning to these terms and to examine

the process of development— if

any— in

the mid-life decade.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

8

Accordingly our research subjects were at the

start in

the age range

We

between 35 and

45. Their ages varied fairly evenly across this decade. considered having a more limited age range, say 43 to 45, so that all participants could review their lives over the decade. It seemed more important,

however, to cover

as

wide a current age range

as possible,

within the limits

of our aims. Since the sample was selected in 1969, the subjects were born

between 1923 and 1934. They were at different ages when they experienced major social changes, such as the depression of the 1930s, World War II, the Korean War, the constricting conformist decade of the 1950s and

the upheavals of the 1960s. identical.

The

ture of the

The

external phasing of their lives was not

variation in age also enabled us to obtain a

life

We

each part of the decade.

in

experience with greater fullness and immediacy than

our remembrance of times past. not describe their

The

forties,

vivid pic-

we can

reconstruct

participants in their late thirties could

but they gave a richer account of the

than could those of 44 or 45.

late thirties

Many

the

lives in

more

can review our recent

colleagues advised

me

to focus not

upon

a particular age span

but upon a particular stage example,

in the occupational or familial career. For might have studied the "middle parenthood" stage when the

I

children are of school age, the "empty nest" when the last child has left home, or the "mid-career" stage in the occupational sequence. Having already done several studies of occupational careers, I found this option too restricted. At this time in my own personal and intellectual development, I

wanted

to create an overarching conception of

encompass the diverse ring in adult

occur, as

it

life. I

and that the

made the

risky bet that

mid-life decade

development that could

and

biological, psychological

social

development

changes occur-

in this sense does

was a good place to look for

it.

The bet,

turned out, was worth making.

The

size of the

sample was a major

studied intensively, the total

want to do

number had

Since each

issue.

to

be

limited.

I

life

would be

clearly did

not

a massive survey or to administer psychological tests to a large

more than

sample. Yet

a

few cases were required so that we could generate

widely relevant theory and discover various forms of development under differing conditions. It

biography.

I

would not be enough

to

do

a single, richly textured

decided, finally, on a sample of forty, the largest

number our

resources could handle. This small sample could not yield conclusive proof

of any hypotheses, but then conclusive.

Still,

we might

no

investigation in this

arrive at

some

new

field

could be

significant ideas, tentative gen-

and useful research methods. most difficult decisions was that limiting the study to men. Ultimately, it is essential to study the adult development of both genders

eralizations

One

if

we

of the

are to understand either.

The

challenge of development

is

at least as

The

women

great for

mental periods

as

Life Cycle and Its Seasons

as for

men. They go through the same adult develop-

men,

believe,

I

but in partially different ways that

the differences in biology and social circumstances. selves

may be

different in

some

that the first

two genders develop

women

made by Wendy

Stewart. Studying

found that

in their mid-thirties, she

went through the same developmental periods

my

it.

A

strong desire to include

study of twenty

group.

The

men and

differences

women,

of

them

now under

way.

decided finally against

I

women would do justice to neither women and men are sufficiently great so

twenty

between

would have to become a major focus of

that they

all

our men, though some

as

of the specific issues were different. Additional studies are

Despite

periods them-

women. The approach prewomen, without the assumption

in either identical or totally different ways.

step in this direction has been

a small sample of

The

reflect

respects for

sented here offers a basis for the study of

A

9

analysis. It

was not

simply a matter of testing another sample and letting the computer grind

we men

out the data. Given the intensive exploratory nature of the study,

would be examining each

participant's life in detail.

containing several subgroups

is

more

A sample

of forty

nearly adequate than twenty for

studying male development under systematically different conditions. In retrospect,

I

believe that this was the right choice.

We are now in a better

position to learn about various other populations. In

all

candor, however,

must admit to a more personal reason for the choice: I chose men partly because I wanted so deeply to understand my own adult development. Finally, I decided that the sample would be composed of four occupational subgroups, each containing ten men. A man's work is the primary base for his life in society. Through it he is "plugged into" an occupational structure and a cultural, class and social matrix. Work is also of great I

psychological importance;

a vehicle for the fulfillment or negation of

it is

central aspects of the self.

Our

task was to select a set of four occupations representing diverse

sectors of society.

They should

differ

widely in type of work, origins, and

current social and psychological conditions of living. In the end,

we

chose:

hourly workers in industry, business executives, university biologists and novelists.

Other

but we found

sets of

occupations might equally well have been picked,

this choice to

be very

satisfactory.

cover features of adult development that are

We

common

have tried to

dis-

to the sample as

among the various groupings. Thus, our plan was to study forty men who were currently between 35 and 45 years old, equally distributed among four occupations. We then selected the men to be studied. The sampling procedure varied somewhat among the four occupations. Two companies are the work places from which we drew both the

a whole, as well as differences

10

THE SEASONS OF A

MAN S

workers and the executives. of the Ajax Corporation.

LIFE

One we

call

(The names

the Industrial Firearms Division

of

all

persons and institutions are

pseudonyms.) This division manufactures a small number of products, including munitions and recreational equipment.

Its

products, technol-

ogy and organizational structure have not changed radically over several decades,

though recent changes

diversification.

The second company, United

rapidly growing firm Its

founders,

IBM, have ing

its

We

a

the corporate

in

on modern management

to a greater emphasis

in

dream that

and product

Electronics,

is

an "infant,"

modern communication-information

the

who came from

have led

structure

practices

established corporations such as

their infant will before long

become

field.

Xerox and

a giant rival-

forebears.

two companies

selected these

radius of fifty miles of ples of workers

and

New

after

conducting a search within a

Haven. In both companies, we selected sam-

executives.

The men were

told that the

company

endorsed our study but did not require anyone to take part in

it.

We

emphasized that our interviews were confidential; the company would receive a copy of our published findings but

would get no

private report

or evaluation of any individual. Confidentiality and other ethical issues

were of great importance to suffer or gain unfairly

us.

We wanted

to be sure that

no one would

because of his involvement in the study. Both com-

panies honored our agreement to the

full.

We regret that the requirements

of confidentiality keep us from stating publicly the names of the companies

and individuals whose help we so greatly appreciate. •

The

hourly workers were drawn equally from Ajax and United Elec-

tronics. In Ajax,

where 60 percent of the hourly labor force (and none of

the management) was Black, ers.

we

chose three Black and two

United Electronics had no Black workers and

somewhat higher

levels

of education

its

and technical

White work-

employees were training.

The

at

ten

workers varied in current age, occupation, labor grade, education and years with the

company. All ten

men

accepted our invitation to partici-

became evident that some of them had initial doubts about our relation to management, and we had to work to establish our credibility. In this group, as in all the others, no one dropped out and several men

pate. It

continued for extra interviews

as

needed.

Of the executives, six were from From each company we obtained a •

Ajax, four from United Electronics. table of organization for middle

and

top management, with each person's name, age and a few demographic characteristics.

We

in age, rank in top

then selected our sample so

and middle management,

as to

line

and

previous work in engineering, sales, finance and the

maximize

diversity

staff positions, like.

We

and

did not

The

Life Cycle

select for marital status, personality, ability

but

and

Seasons

Its

and other such

11

characteristics,

our method we obtained great diversity in these

in the nature of

re-

As with the hourly workers, all ten men we invited agreed to take It was helpful that the head of each company met our sampling criand accepted our invitation to be a subject. (Several executives had

spects. part. teria

the feeling that the boss rather than the researchers had selected them; they wondered whether they were seen as budding stars or wilting failures. Again, •

we worked on

For the sample of academic

versities in

the course of the interviews.)

this issue in

we chose two

biologists,

the corridor between Boston and

New

York. In these institu-

young men" or senior

tions biology professors are generally "promising investigators of national reputation. Yet, as

excellent uni-

we knew from

personal ex-

perience at Yale and elsewhere, the lives and professional careers of pro-

enormously. Biology

fessors differ

scientific discipline

such

and

is

undergoing rapid change both

as a

as a field of increasing social application (in areas

medicine, population control, warfare and food production).

as

Biologists are

employed not only

in the Biology

Department but

also in

Biochemistry, Biophysics, Public Health, Forestry, even Urban Planning.

Wc spent some time learning about the various departments and the ages, academic ranks and versity

we chose

fields of specialization of their

uni-

men who differed widely in these respects. We got in man by letter and then by phone and personal interview. agreed to participate. In all, we approached thirteen men

five

touch with each Eight of the ten

before obtaining our

unteer bias/' but

we had

members. In each

complement

full

it is

far less

of ten.

We

thus have a small "vol-

than in most research.

With

the biologists

neither the advantages nor the drawbacks of sponsorship by organi-

zational authority.

The sampling procedure was different again with the novelists. Here we operated entirely outside of any organizational framework. Once more, we used a quasi-anthropological method of studying what was for us a new culture. We began by trying to learn about the writer's world— a world that contains publishing houses, universities, mass media and many other institutions. We talked with a number of critics, teachers, editors and •

agents,

and with some

There

is

writers outside our chosen age group.

no accepted

criterion for identifying a

man

as a novelist.

Very

few people can make the writing of novels a full-time occupation. Noveloften work also as

ists

tled

on two ground

and that being

From novelists

critics, journalists,

rules: that a

a novelist

various sources

who seemed

to

is

businessmen, teachers.

man have

We

set-

published at least two novels,

of major importance in his personal identity.

we compiled meet these

a

list

criteria

of over one

and who

hundred male

lived

somewhere

1

2

THE SEASONS OF A

between Boston and

MAN S

New

LIFE

list, we Some men

York. In selecting ten names from this

tried to get variety in terms of quality

and kind of

writing.

chosen were highly gifted novelists whose work had been praised by serious writers

and

critics.

worthy of serious

Others, less well known, were regarded as promising or

critical consideration. Still

less "literary" novelists,

hard at their writing.

who

We

followed this by a phone interview. Seven of the

men

to fourteen

others were

wrote call

each man on the man was interested,

letters to

and,

if

the

ten accepted our invitation. In

first

before completing the group.

greatly in social background, in literary style critical

films,

and commercial

more popular and

considered themselves craftsmen and worked

success.

Most

of

The

ten

men

initial list,

all,

a personal

we spoke

selected differ

and aims, and

in degree of

them do other writing— plays,

poetry and nonfiction— and have occupations in addition to writing.

The sample

thus consists of forty men, distributed in age between 35 and 45. All are American born. There are ten in each of the four occu•

They currently live in the region between many of them were born in other parts of

pations selected for study.

New

Boston and

York, though

the country.

The sample

is

highly diverse in other respects. Let's quickly look at

four characteristics: social class origins, racial-ethnic-religious origins, education and marital status.

The men come from varied social class backgrounds. Six of them (15 percent) are from poor urban or rural environments. These include four workers, an executive and a novelist. Forty-two percent are from stable working-class or lower-middle-class families, 32 percent from comfortable middle-class origins, class)

backgrounds.

families.

Only two

and 10 percent from wealthy (upper-middle- or upperworkers come entirely from poor or working-class

The

executives are from comfortable middle-class families;

seven are from the working class or lower-middle in poverty.

class,

and one grew up

Seven biologists and eight novelists are from families of mod-

erate to high social position.

They

tilt

the sample as a whole toward the

higher end of the class structure in terms of social origins.

The sample There are

five

is

also diverse in terms of racial-ethnic-religious origins.

Black participants (12 percent)— three workers and two

No Black biologists or executives between age 35 and 45 were employed by the organizations we studied. Twenty of the men are from novelists.

Protestant families (50 percent), eight Catholic (20 percent), seven Jewish

(18 percent) and another seven from families of mixed religious or

ethnic parentage (usually Catholic-Protestant or mixed national origin).

Of the

biologists, six are

from Protestant

mixed Catholic-Protestant. The

families,

novelists include six

one Jewish and three from Protestant fam-

The (of

among

pations.

Its

Seasons

13

which two are Black) and four from Jewish. The lack of Caththe biologists and novelists was not by design; it is a chance

ilies

olics

variation

and

Life Cycle

which may

The

reflect

religious

number

the small

of Catholics in these occu-

backgrounds of the executives are

five

Catholic

(mainly of Polish, Italian or Irish extraction), two Protestant, one mixed

The backgrounds

Catholic-Protestant and two Jewish.

three Catholic, five Protestant and two mixed

With and only

men

regard to education, 28 six

of the workers:

Catholic-Protestant.

completed

(70 percent)

college,

did not complete high school. This reflects the educational

The

levels of the occupations represented.

workers were the least edu-

cated: five did not complete high school; three

went through high school;

and two had some college experience. All ten of the biologists finished college and then a Ph.D. degree in a biological science such as biochemistry, zoology or botany. Of the executives, nine completed college (including four at engineering schools) and two of these had

uate education.

completed

The

novelists too

college, six at elite schools such as Harvard,

Oberlin.

A

and the

tools of his trade in

serious

young

novelist

some

grad-

were highly educated. Nine of them

is

Dartmouth and

likely to get his personal experience

an affluent pre-adult world and in an edu-

cational milieu that gives strong

if

ambivalent support to his

literary

aspirations at the start of early adulthood.

All of the

men had been

married at least once. Their current marital

status varied as follows. Thirty-two of the forty in their first marriage.

Of

the eight

men

who had been

remarried and five were in their second marriage.

(80 percent) were

divorced, three

A

had not

few of the marriages

were rather rocky, and we know of two divorces that occurred soon the study ended. Roughly 80 percent of the first

men had

no marked

or second marriage. There were

after

children in their

differences

among

the

occupational groups.

Although our primary source of information about each man was the

man

we had other sources as well. Our main purpose here was to obtain an additional perspective on the husband, but we also learned something about the wife in her own right, as preparation for more intensive study of women. We also learned a good deal about the men's various occupations and work worlds. In the course of this, we in effect Most

himself,

it

is

important to note that

of the wives were interviewed once.

performed an informal organizational analysis of the two companies and the two universities in our study.

We

constructed a picture of the history,

current structure, hiring and promotion policies, and problems of survival

and growth of each organization, study. Often,

especially as these affected the

more than one man gave

men under

his personal version of a particular

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

14

LIFE

incident or individual; these contributed to our view of each

Our

home and

to a man's office,

visits

organizational space gave added

dimensions and meaning to what he told us himself. they had no organizational

affiliation,

and each

novelist.

We

We

some

read

or

The

we

all

learned about this world

of each man's novels

and other

also read their reviews.

emphasize these additional sources for two main reasons.

I

though

novelists,

lived within a loosely organized

occupational world, and from various sources

writings.

work world.

cause they gave us a richer and

more

First, be-

we could

valid picture than

obtain

from interviews with each subject. Second, because an understand-

solely

ing of a man's

life

requires that

we know something about

his external

circumstances as well as his personal motives, aspirations and interpretation

We

of events.

partly so that

selected just a few occupations

we

and work organizations

could study them and their part in each man's

life.

Our

understanding of them was an essential ingredient in our analysis of individual •

life

The

and development.

interviewing

the heart of our research method. During the

is

interviewing phase of the study,

work

we

interviewed a

man in The

place, or in our offices, according to his preference.

interviews usually lasted an hour or

Occasionally, an interview ning; or several weeks

two and were held

would continue

time. In

all,

we saw each man

hours, within a span of

five to

intervals.

sessions. Flexibility

was the

privacy

and

ten times, for a total of ten to twenty

two or three months. In most

follow-up interview about two years after the transcripts of the tapes averaged

weekly

we have enough

keynote, within the basic requirement that

or

an entire afternoon or eve-

for

would elapse between

at

home

his

tape-recorded

cases,

we had a The

interviewing.

initial

about three hundred pages per man. Each

member. we showed every man

subject was interviewed by a single staff

As part of the interviewing, a series of five picand asked him to tell a story about each of them. The pictures were selected from the Thematic Apperception Test devised by Henry A. Murtures

ray.

in

This

test

often used in personality diagnosis.

is

an unconventional way,

as

an

We

used the stories

intrinsic part of the interviews.

They

often brought up personal experiences, interests and imaginings that might

otherwise have been avoided or overlooked. of this

method

The

proach. If

I

had

example of the usefulness

start,

one term

for this

method,

would

call it bio-

The primary

task, as

we informed our

subjects at

to choose

graphical interviewing.

the

An

given in the biography of John Barnes (Chapter 17). interviewing reflects what is most central in our theoretical apis

was to construct the story of a man's

life.

I

Interviewer and inter-

viewee joined collaboratively in this work.

We tried

to cover the entire life sequence

from childhood to the

pres-

The ent: family of origin; marriage

man

Life Cycle

and family

and

Seasons

Its

15

which the

of procreation (in

husband and father); important relationships with men and

is

women; education; occupational choice and work history; leisure; involvement in ethnic, religious, political and other interests; illness, death and loved ones; good times and bad times; turning points in the

loss of

At

course.

man's

life

we tried to pull together a picture of the how the various components of his life were interhow the life pattern at age 34, say, had emerged from

various key times a whole:

life as

related at that time;

the past and what were his hopes,

fears,

plans and imaginings for the

future.

This was a

way

best

lot of

do

to

ular sequence

it.

The

tell:

incidents unfold in a partic-

about the course and outcome of

feelings

specifics of external situations are often important,

the internal meanings, desires and conflicts with which he partici-

pates in them.

own

has a story to

and he has strong

various chapters. as are

ground to cover, and there proved to be no single

A man

story.

He

The also

interviewer had to give the

had

man

a chance to

tell his

to intervene at times to get the story straight, to

learn about specific situations, actions

and

feelings,

and to explore the

connections between different sectors of living and different times in the sequence.

A

biographical interview combines aspects of a research interview, a

clinical interview

and a conversation between

research interview in that certain topics

purpose

is

research.

As

like a structured

is

sensitive

of

meaning

as they lead

as in a conversation

between

friends, the

and follows the threads

through diverse topics. Finally,

equal and the interviewer

is

is

in a clinical interview, the interviewer

to the feelings expressed,

relationship

friends. It

must be covered, and the main

is

free to

respond in terms of his

own

experiences. Yet each party has a defined role in a sustained

task,

which imposes

What

is

its

involved

is

own

work

constraints.

not simply an interviewing technique or procedure,

but a relationship of some intimacy, intensity and duration. Significant

work

The

is

involved in forming, maintaining and terminating the relationship.

recruiting of participants, the negotiation of a research contract,

and

the course of the interviewing relationship are phases within a single, complex process. Understanding and managing this process of our research method.

Managed with

sensitivity

and

is

a crucial part

discretion,

it

is

a

valuable learning experience for the participant as well as the researcher.

Although therapy was not a primary aim, the interviews may have had

some therapeutic

effects. Virtually all of

the men,

we

believe,

found

this

a worthwhile undertaking.

The

basic

aim of biography

over the years.

It

is

to portray an individual life as

it

evolves

has different purposes for novelists, literary biographers,

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l6

i

historians

and psychologists. Biography may be used to show how a person

was influenced by

his times

and how he helped to shape

provide a deeper understanding of a person's

work—be

tary exploits or political leadership— by placing his personal life

and engagement

in society.

A

it

his times. It

may

painting, mili-

it

within the context of

poor biography depicts

its

protagonist as saint or villain, as merely a product of his times, a creature of his unconscious or a sequence of reactions without individuality.

Our

essential

method was

to elicit the life stories of forty

construct biographies and to develop generalizations based biographies. of each

man, and there

are important gaps in every story. Nonetheless,

we began by immersing

man and

his life.

interpretive formulations and, going back

came

the interviews and the analysis,

The

lives.

ourselves in the interview material

toward an intuitive understanding of the

more

upon these

We do not have the data required for a book-length biography

have produced a systematic reconstruction of the forty

tried

men, to

we

In each case,

and working Gradually

we

and forth between

to a construction of the life course.

preparation of biographies and the creation of a developmental

theory thus went hand in hand.

opmental periods. The theory

more integrated view

obtain a

advanced the formation of

it

did not start with a theory of develexisted at a given time was used to

of the individual

specific concepts

form of biographical method of research

We

as

essential,

is

I

life;

and each biography

and ways of thinking. Some

believe, during the initial

phase

on adult development.

Because biography

is

so important here, the biographies of four

men—

a worker,

an executive, a biologist and a novelist— will be presented.

men

be introduced

The

Chapter 4 and their lives described in subsequent chapters. Brief summaries or fragments of other lives will also be will

used to

in

illustrate particular findings

theory of adult development raphies

is

and concepts. One

the value

it

crucial test of a

has for the writing of biog-

and autobiographies.

In addition to the primary sample of forty men,

secondary sample of

imagined in

fiction,

men whose

lives

we have

have been depicted

in

created a

biography or

poetry and theater. This sample has had an important

and I shall occasionally draw upon more public examples of our ideas. It includes such men as Dante, Milton and Shakespeare; Abraham, Luther, Gandhi and Willy Brandt; Freud and Jung; Gauguin, Goya, Eugene O'Neill and Bertrand

part in the evolution of our thinking, it

to provide

Russell; the fictional figures of Prospero, King Lear, Herzog, Willy Loman and George and Martha, the mutually destructive couple in Who's Afraid

Woolf? Our aims expanded

of Virginia

in the course of the study. Initially, our

main focus

:

The

Life Cycle

and

Its

Seasons

17

was on the decade from age 35 to 45. Our goal was to determine what developmental process, if any, occurred within it. In reviewing our first cases,

we

reconstructed the

life

studying the mid-life decade.

history prior to age 35 as a backdrop for

We

found ourselves

ideas— stemming

full of

mainly from psychoanalytic theory— about the subject's development in childhood and adolescence.

We

could

make many connections between It became increasingly

these early periods and what happened at mid-life. clear, however, that we had no useful conception

of early adult develop-

By

regarding the mid-life

ment from the end struggles traits

of adolescence to age 35.

and adaptations

and

conflicts

leading simplicity

as

formed

we had

no more than in childhood,

set

It

is

new

we were falling into the misThe emphasis on childhood

out to avoid.

development helped to illuminate adult

what

a re-enactment of personality

life,

but

it

kept us from examining

in adulthood.

became

evident, finally, that

we had

to deal seriously with the years

between adolescence and the mid-life decade. So our major aim took shape

we had hood it

from the entry into adult-

to create a theory of adult development,

until the late forties.

This was a valuable but distressing insight, for

increased the scope, difficulty and length of our work.

actual nature of the choice implicitly

made

It

at the start:

made

clear the

our subject was

not solely the mid-life decade, but the entire developmental sequence during the adult years represented in our sample.

In Chapters 2 and

3

we

describe our conception of the

the process of adult development. In Chaper 2

I

life

cycle

present a view of the

and life

moving from the metaphor of seasons to a conceptualizaChapter 3 introduces our theory of adult development as a

cycle as a whole,

tion of eras.

sequence of periods in the evolution of the individual

life structure.

In sub-

sequent chapters our theory and findings for each period are described in

more

detail.

:

Eras:

2

The Anatomy of the Life Cycle

It is

we have no

remarkable that

major seasons of the the total

life

life cycle. Is

standard language for identifying the there a valid and useful

way

cycle into several gross segments, each having

tinctive character?

We

can probably agree without

segment of some twenty adolescence. There

is

years, a pre-adult

also "old age,"

20 and 65?

Though

Our view

phase embracing childhood and

which

age 60 or 65. Geron-

starts at

But what about the adult

little

years

under-

between

is little

agreement regarding their definition and their

life cycle.

of the life cycle

is

a product of our research. It

armchair speculation or assumption the

dis-

initial

everyday language provides terms such as "youth" and

"middle age," there place in the

life.

own

on an

difficulty

tology has thus far provided considerable information, though standing, about this time of

to divide

its

we made

beforehand.

is

not an

We believe

that

cycle evolves through a sequence of eras each lasting roughly twenty-

life

The

five years.

under way

new one is The sequence

eras are partially overlapping, so that a

as the previous

one

is

being terminated.

getting

goes as

follows 1.

Childhood and adolescence: age 0-22

3.

Early adulthood: age 17-45 Middle adulthood: age 40-65

4.

Late adulthood: age 60-?

2.

An

era

is

a "time of life" in the broadest sense.

changes go on within qualities,

An

era

opment

each era has

its

own

distinctive

which have to do with the character of

character of living, aspects,

it,

we

Although important

living.

and unifying

In studying the

take account of biological, psychological and social

but do not focus on any one of these to the exclusion of the others. is

thus not a stage in biological development, in personality devel-

or in career development. It

is

than a developmental stage or period. the macro-structure of the

life cycle. It

much broader and more inclusive The sequence of eras constitutes

provides a framework within which

developmental periods and concrete processes of everyday living take place.

The Anatomy

Eras:

The

eras are analogous to the acts of a play, the

or the gross segments into

The developmental

ject.

and the

of the Life Cycle

19

major divisions of a novel,

which a biographer divides the

of his sub-

life

periods give a finer picture of the dramatic events

an overview of the

details of living; the eras give

life

cycle as a

whole.

The main

focus of our study, as

the late teens to the late

have mentioned,

I

On

forties.

is

on the

years

we

the basis of this study,

from

identify

and middle adulthood as separate eras in the life cycle. Early adulthood comes to an end in a man's forties, when the character of living once more undergoes a fundamental change and middle adulthood begins to early

One

emerge.

most important— and most controversial— contribu-

of the

tions of this study

is

the demarcation between early and middle adulthood

as clearly defined eras. I

at

shall give the reasons for

set forth a specific age at

have

which

I

ends. This

it

is

not to

say,

it

which each

shortly.

era begins,

and another

however, that a bell rings at precisely

the same point for everyone, demarcating the eras as though they were

rounds in a boxing match or classes in a highly regulated school. Life never that standardized. There

onset and completion of every era. There

The

the average.

variation

is

five,

or six years.

or, if it does,

no connection to

age.

that

On

The move from one

The

discovery of age-

development does not occur

month

in

pace varies tremendously and has almost

its

the contrary,

seems to be closely age-linked.

it

era to the next

neither simple nor brief.

is

quires a basic change in the fabric of one's

a day, a

around

another unexpected finding of our study. This finding goes

against the conventional assumption that

adulthood

also a range of variation

is

contained, however, within fairly narrow

is

limits— probably not more than linked eras

is

an average or most frequent age for the

is

The

or even a year.

life,

transition

takes four or five years— not less than three

and

and

this takes

between rarely

It re-

more than

eras consistently

more than

six.

This

is the work of a developmental period that links the eras and some continuity between them. A developmental transition creboundary zone in which a man terminates the outgoing era and

transition

provides ates a

initiates

the incoming one.

Though pre-adulthood ends

at roughly age 22, early

several years earlier, usually at 17.

of overlap," a period in

one

is

two

eras

starting.

and

is

The span from

which the old

This period

is

era

is

adulthood begins

17 to 22

is

thus a "zone

being completed and the

the Early Adult Transition.

It

new

bridges the

part of both. Likewise, the Mid-life Transition extends

from roughly 40 to 45. It serves to terminate early adulthood and to initiate middle adulthood. There is a subsequent transition in the early sixties,

we

believe,

and perhaps another

at

about 80.

THE SEASONS OF A

20

MAN

S

LIFE

ERAS IN THE

MALE

4.

LIFE CYCLE

Late

Adulthood

1.

Childhood

land Adolescence

The

eras

and the

cross-era transitions are pictured above.

now

Let us

briefly review the eras in turn.

Pre-adulthood The

pre-adult era includes childhood, adolescence

and the Early Adult

Transition. During this time one ordinarily lives within the family or an

equivalent social unit.

The

family provides protection, socialization and

support of growth during our pre-adult years.

ment, we can be

relatively self-sufficient

adulthood. In pre-adulthood

we

With adequate

members

of society as

develop-

we

enter

are relatively (though decreasingly)

de-

most elemental sense of the term. The "transition into childhood" starts sometime before birth and

pendent and vulnerable, growing continues for the

first

in the

two or three

years of separate

the infant develops into a separate person.

"me" from the "not-me" and this

to

form

He

life.

In this period

learns to distinguish the

a primordial sense of self.

During

time he also comes to realize that other persons have an enduring

existence and character.

Another

transition at 5 or 6 leads

from

early to

The Anatomy

Eras:

middle childhood. The child expands

his social

of the Life Cycle

21

world from the immediate

family to a larger sphere containing school, wider peer group and neighbor-

He

hood.

begins to resolve his emotional struggles within the family and

become more

to

disciplined, industrious

at 12 or 13 (plus or

minus

childhood to adolescence. to sexual maturity but

it

The

touched

off

by the bodily changes leading

the culmination of the pre-adult

is

During

this period

starting to

and

form

the growing male

boy-man; he

a

is

his place in the pre-adult world,

his first adult self

establishes his initial

and

is

It pro-

part of both.

a crucial turning point in the life cycle.

all cross-era transitions, it is

pre-adult self

he

era.

Early AduJt Transition extends from roughly age 17 to 22.

vides a bridge from adolescence to early adulthood,

Like

starts

involves a variety of other changes leading toward

adulthood. Adolescence

full

Puberty usually

skilled.

and provides a transition from middle

2 years) It is

and

is

and

terminating his

at the

same time

and to make the choices through which

membership

in the adult world.

Childhood and adolescence together now make up roughly one-quarter of the expected life span.

growth but

and

still

it is

The

pre-adult era

vulnerable individual making

a time of extraordinary

is

only a prelude to adult living.

Its result is

an immature

his entry into the adult world.

Early Adulthood Early adulthood

is

the second era of the

17 or 18 and ends at about 45. Ushered

life cycle. It

in

terminated by the Mid-life Transition, which links

it is

hood. Early adulthood

may be

ordinarily begins at

by the Early Adult Transition,

the most dramatic of

to middle adult-

it

all eras.

For men, the

peak years of biological functioning are roughly from 20 to 40. of 20

is

new

man

in the society of adults.

season starts to

of his life

By

and is getting ready to take At the other end, as he passes

at the height of his bodily vigor

place as a a

20,

is

make

itself felt;

ending and autumn

is

he begins to

fast

realize that the

most of the mental and bodily

is

He

is

and

close to his full height

capability, cardiac

and

also close to his

that have

peak

characteristics that

characteristics

maximal

in intelligence

remain

skills

summer

and

have been

The young

level of strength, sexual

and general

biological vigor.

in those qualities of intellect

in pre-adulthood, such as

thought, ability to learn specific

These

his

respiratory capacity,

grown so measurably

his

40,

approaching.

evolving in the pre-adult years are at or near their, peak levels.

man

The youth

memory,

abstract

and to solve well-defined problems.

relatively stable

and near

their peak levels

THE SEASONS OF A

22

until

MAN

LIFE

S

around 40. Biologists often use age 30

as a reference

point for study-

most

biological functions remain

close to their highest levels until that age,

and then decline gradually

ing age changes in adulthood, because

through the remaining

years. In the late thirties, a

man

is

normally

still

near his peak levels of biological and psychological capacity and within

the era of early adulthood.

Apart from impairments due to not fallen

much below

illness or accident, a

maximal

his

him

often great enough, however, to give

is

The

decline at around this age.

visible

at

40 has

The drop

a distinct sense of bodily

"cosmetic" changes, such as bald-

and paunch, symbolize the

ness, wrinkles

man

level of bodily functioning.

youth and the imminence

loss of

of "middle age," even though they involve

little real

decrease in bodily

health and capacity.

The

span from 20 to 40

He

their height.

he

is

the era of greatest biological abundance and stress.

The man's

both

He

is

During

conflicts regarding

such

grati-

struggling to establish his place in society. This effort, too,

satisfying

identity.

instinctual drives are at

urgently seeks personal gratification of various kinds, but

burdened by the residues of childhood

fication. is

is

and

of greatest contradiction

and

stressful.

his twenties, a

He makes

the

young man

first

ordinarily forms a preliminary adult

major choices, such

as marriage, occupation,

residence and style of living, that define his place in the adult world. Early

adulthood

is

the time to pay his dues and

to the survival of the species: begetting

and

a marriage

make

and

family, giving his labor to the

"tribe"— that part of the species in which he luck,

he

Within

man

raising children, maintaining

economy and is

most

welfare of the

fully involved.

With

has the sense of doing something for himself as well as others,

of both satisfying his

a

his essential contribution

this era

own needs and contributing we find a basic sequence of

to his society.

change. Over

its

normally moves from being a "novice adult" through a

intermediate steps to the point where he can assume a sition in work, family

"senior" po-

and community. Going through the process of form-

ing an occupation (often establishes himself

more

course

series of

first

making more than one provisional choice), he and then advances along some

at a junior level

formal or informal ladder until, at around 40, he reaches the culmination of his youthful strivings.

ginning a

new

He

is

now ending

In marriage and family, too, the young

husband and

his early

adulthood and be-

era.

man

father. Gradually, often painfully,

begins as novice lover,

he grows more understand-

ing and responsible— better able to gain the satisfactions and bear the

burdens of being senior.

The

first

several years in the

growth of the family

The Anatomy

Eras:

tend to be especially married

financial

power and capacity

his earning

23

small children add to the complexity of

stressful:

and increase the

life

of the Life Cycle

demands on the young man; but

meeting

for

responsibilities are

still

rather

limited. If a

man

starts a

family in his twenties, his offspring are in or near

them

adolescence as he passes 40. His relationships with sharply.

The

nest

is

emptying and the nuclear family

separate households.

The husband and

emotional losses and

stresses.

is

are changing

dividing into

wife together experience strong

At the same time, the

financial, social

and

emotional burdens of raising a family are greatly decreased.

A man's

and the members of

relationships with his parents

his

extended

family also change over the course of early adulthood.

them

desperately to get

By

40,

he

is

to regard

him

as

an equal and a

At 20, he man, "not a

tries

kid."

taking on parental responsibilities for parents, relatives and

who

the generation of the elderly

And by

40 he from them.

look to

him

seen by the youth as senior, a

is

As compared with

later eras, then, early

its

fullness of energy, capability

In

it,

and

for care full

and leadership.

generation removed

adulthood

is

distinguished by

potential, as well as external pressure.

personal drives and societal requirements are powerfully intermeshed,

at times reinforcing each other

and

at times in stark contradiction.

Middle Adulthood At around 40 a crucial developmental change occurs. Early adulthood is coming to an end and a new season begins to make itself felt. The Midlife Transition, which lasts from about 40 to 45, is devoted to the termination of early adulthood and the initiation of middle adulthood. It is thus a part of both

conception of are

among

it

eras.

Our

as a link

discovery of the Mid-life Transition, and our

between two

distinctive eras in the life cycle,

the most controversial aspects of our work.

We

did not begin

with the hypothesis of a highly defined transition at mid-life; in the course of

our research.

following chapters.

middle adulthood

My

main

The

evidence for

interest here

is

it

will

it

emerged

be given

in the

to present a brief account of

an era covering the span from roughly age 40 to 65. The distinction between early and middle adulthood would have been as

discovered and accepted long ago,

I

believe,

that occurred universally at around 40

shake the foundations of a man's

life.

if

there were a single event

and had great enough impact to

A

concrete, tangible event of this

THE SEASONS OF A

24

MAN

S

LIFE

kind— a bodily change, a dramatic social event or a basic change— provides a useful reference point for theory and vestigators can then determine

developmental change.

whether the event

The prime example

is

psychological research.

In-

part of a fundamental

of such a reference point

is

puberty, which universally marks the shift from childhood to adolescence. It

had been hoped that menopause would serve

thus far of

it

a similar function,

but

has not proven a useful guide in studying the adult development

women. found no

Investigators have as yet

single event that universally heralds

the end of early adulthood. There have been studies of various significant

empty nest; but these They do not provide the

events such as divorce, depression, illness and the

occur at different ages and for different reasons.

more

basis for a

general view of individual development. Likewise, bodily

characteristics such as cardiac capacity or visual acuity decline gradually

over the adult years. There

is

no age

at

which a

set of biological or psy-

chological characteristics shows a

marked change that might

underlying developmental process.

The

by the study of concrete

We as

it

shift in eras will

reflect

an

not be revealed

variables or events.

get a different picture, however,

when we examine the

Jived Jife

evolves, rather than searching for a single, specific criterion. In the

present study

we have

tried to

evolves over time.

Within

ments of

as

life,

we must

cessive eras

When we

such

take a

examine the whole of a man's

this context,

we then examine

work, family and bodily health.

To

life as

it

particular seg-

identify the suc-

trace the individual life course over a span of years.

more

biographical approach, the eras

come

into clearer

focus.

In the following pages I

examine

this era

I

offer a

schematic view of middle adulthood.

from three contrasting perspectives: (1) changes

in

and psychological functioning, (2) the sequence of generations and (3) the evolution of careers and enterprises. Each ^perspective offers a different vantage point from which to describe the changing character of biological

living

from one

era to the next.

elements in the individual's

life,

They

focus on different but interweaving

as I shall try to

show.

Many

aspects of a

man's personality and external circumstances are represented in each of these elements.

Changes

in Biological

Although

a

and Psychological Functioning

man's bodily and mental powers are somewhat diminished

after 40, they are ordinarily

middle adulthood.

A

still

ample

for

an

active, full life

special illness, accident or defect

may

throughout

force

him

to

Eras:

restrict

The Anatomy

may have

himself in certain respects; he

if

he

not severely

is

ill

to give

up

25

skiing or de-

and energy he devotes to work.

crease his sexual activity or reduce the time

But

of the Life Cycle

or impaired, and

his

if

normal development has

not been grossly hampered, he can maintain most of his earlier interests

if

he wishes.

The

maximal

instinctual energies, too, pass their

what reduced

in

middle adulthood.

A man

level

and are some-

by no means lacking

is

in the

youthful drives— in lustful passions, in the capacity for anger and moral indignation, in self-assertiveness and ambition, in the wish to be cared for

and supported. But he

from the tyranny of these

suffers less

drives.

Moreover, the modest decline in the elemental drives may, with mid-life

man

development, enable a

to enrich his

His normal sexual capacity in middle age ing sex

The

life.

life.

He

can be more free from

and moralisms of

the petty vanities, animosities, envies

is

early adulthood.

more than enough

quality of his love relationships

may

for a gratify-

well improve as he

develops a greater capacity for intimacy and integrates more fully the tender, "feminine" aspects of his a

more responsive

He

self.

men

friend to

has the possibility of becoming

as well as

facilitating parent to his adolescent

women. He can be

and young adult offspring

nizes that they are

no longer children and that he

controlling father.

He

(for

whom

is

as

more

a

he recog-

no longer the youthful

can become a more caring son to his aging parents

he increasingly assumes parental

responsibilities),

and

more

a

compassionate authority and teacher to young adults.

Although biological decline ordinarily occurs gradually,

several small

changes often bring about a major, qualitative drop in body function by the early

forties.

This change

may

require considerable

accommodation

in

the man's style of living and social rojes, especially with regard to work.

The

effect

is

seen in

uous labor; there a

man must

is

many

occupations that involve highly precise or stren-

an upper age

which

limit, usually in the thirties, after

either leave his occupation altogether or shift within

it

to a

managerial, consultative or physically less-demanding role.

The

professional athlete

who

gives

up playing

ball at 30 has

ten years of early adulthood in which to establish himself in a tion or elsewhere in his sport. late thirties,

But the one who

must go through a

difficult

lingers

burn out or

and external

live a highly

Most men undergo

until, say, his

occupational change even as he

entering the stressful period of the Mid-life Transition. variety of internal

on

another

new occupais

Those who,

for a

mode

of

work

living.

Early

reasons, cannot alter their

marginal existence.

a mid-life

change

in style of

work and

adulthood produces qualities of strength, quickness, endurance and output.

Middle adulthood

is

a season

when

other qualities can ripen: wisdom,

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

26

judiciousness, magnanimity,

unsentimental compassion, breadth of per-

Great

spective, the tragic sense.

than before,

make

his

as Elliott

most

who

artists

continue their creative en-

more profound, more "sculpted" works

deavors after 40 tend to produce

man

Jaques has shown.. In middle adulthood a

can

diplomacy and philoso-

effective contribution to politics,

phy. Although his most brilliant specific discoveries are often

made

in early

adulthood, the creative scientist in middle adulthood tends to do more integrative theoretical

At

generation.

work and

new

to set

many

mid-life,

talented

directions for the

turn

scientists

upcoming

increasingly

managerial, consultative and teaching activities. At their best, the

have great personal and

A man often,

human

at mid-life

some

some

suffering

is

to self

little

life.

loss of his

youthful vitality and,

insult to his youthful narcissistic pride.

literally close to

roles

means of or society and

social value; at their worst, they are a

saving face and keeping busy, but contribute are a tragic waste of

new

to

Although he

is

not

death or undergoing severe bodily decline, he typically

experiences these changes as a fundamental threat.

on the threshold of

senility

though he were

and even death.

Jaques has identified the "middle starting in the late thirties

It is as

crisis" as a

and continuing

the experience of one's mortality

normal development period

for several years.

He

suggests that

at the core of the mid-life crisis.

is

Though

we prefer the word "transition" in naming this period, our view of it owes much to his. The Mid-life Transition may be rather mild. When it involves considerable turmoil and disruption, we speak of a mid-life crisis. Having person

a crisis at this time

who

is

not in

pathological. Indeed, the

may be

goes through this period with minimal discomfort

denying that his

life

must change,

for better or worse.

opportunity for personal development. possibilities of this period

and

scious fantasies

must engage

itself

in

is,

anxieties.

mourning

be made more whole.

To

He

is

thus losing an

experience the dangers and the

however, to open a Pandora's box of uncon-

Dealing with his mortality means that a

man

for the dying self of youth, so that the self can

To do

this,

he must experience some degree of

and despair. This process begins in the Mid-life Transition but through middle adulthood and takes a new form in the next

it

era. It

crisis

extends is

never

completed. It is

not at

all certain,

of course, that development will occur in middle

adulthood. For large numbers of men,

life in

the middle years

of gradual or rapid stagnation, of alienation from the world self.

Severe decline and constriction are

common enough

often seen as part of normal middle age. In of decline

is

statistically

normal

many

in the sense that

is

a process

and from the

so that they are

populations, a good deal it

occurs frequently.

It is

Eras:

The Anatomy

of the Life Cycle

not, however, developmentally normal. Drastic decline occurs only

development has been impaired by adverse psychological,

social

27

when

and

bio-

logical circumstances.

conditions for development are reasonably favorable, and

If

ments from the past are not too and

of personal fulfillment

man come

that a

contribution. This requires, however,

to terms with the developmental tasks of the Mid-life in

The Sequence

of Generations

The

early to

from

impair-

middle adulthood can be an era

severe,

social

Transition. (These are discussed

shift

if

Chapters 13 to

16.)

middle adulthood, and the character of

living in

the middle years, also involves a sequence of generations. Generational

and

levels are features of individual

by

culturally defined age grades,

and other

and

careers,

and by the

The meaning

tions.

social institutions.

The concept

historical rise

of the generations

A man

he struggles to make sense of of

is

and

works out his

is

are

marked

familial, occupational

of successive genera-

fall

shaped by biology, history, culture

own

individual meanings as

his experience in the

"generation"

They

collective experience.

by the phasing of

changing generations.

importance— though

of great

still

used— in the study of the adult life course. Members of a given generation are at the same age level in contrast to younger and older generations. With the passing years, a young adult has the sense of moving from one generation to the next and of forming new

poorly understood and rarely

relationships with the other generations in his world.

These age

categories are,

I

believe, widely experienced during adult-

hood: other persons are roughly the same age

as

myself (age peers or

they are not more than 6 or 7 years older or younger. "My generation" thus covers a span of some 12-15 y ears Where the age differcoevals)

if

-

ence

is

regard

somewhat it

an elder ship.

as

greater, say 8 to 15 years in either direction,

marking a half generation; the older one

sibling,

to

in the position of

with an implicit claim to greater authority in the relation-

As the age difference

tion apart,

is

we tend

increases to 20

and beyond, we are

and the older one seems to be more

a full genera-

a parent than a sibling.

When

the age difference is 40 years, there is a distance of two generations, and the older one assumes the symbolic properties of grandparent. Relationships between generational levels are important in

While acknowledging the

differences

learn to increase the interaction

between them. At every

carry within ourselves aspects of every generation.

these aspects

is

all societies.

between generations, we can

a relevant task in every era. It

is

Coming

age, all of us

to

difficult in

also

know and

use

childhood, and

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

28

even in early adulthood, to get more in touch with the "older"

much empathy

who

self

and to

more than ten years older than we are. A special task of middle adulthood is to become more aware of both the child and the elder in oneself and in others. Work on this task allows us to transcend in some measure the generational barriers and to relate in a more fully human way to persons of all ages. have

A man

for persons

of 30 to 35

is

likely to

are

be regarded

as

an older sibling (a half

generation removed) by persons in their twenties. This

He

preference, too.

regards himself as

still

*

may be

his

own

young" and very much part of

the youthful generation. In his twenties he often fears that passing 30

means getting

"old."

He

is

relieved to discover in the early thirties that

has his youthful powers, though he

still

may

find himself

more

he

naturally

inclined to assume a variety of older sibling relationsips to those in full

youth.

A new change in generational status and

ordinarily begins in the late thirties

well established by the mid-forties.

is

by people

A man

lished, as part of the establishment, in fact.

a parent than an older sibling— as

"Dad"

He

surprise to the

man

entering mid-life.

is

usually regarded as

more

tends to be viewed

estab-

more

as

rather than "buddy." This mes-

conveyed with increasing frequency and

sage,

of 40

removed,

in their twenties as a full generation

often comes as a

force,

He may respond at first with feelings He wants to say: "This is ridicu-

of puzzlement, irritation or depression. lous!

I

haven't really

"you" in

this

statement

ful parts of the self.

a deeper level in society

changed— I am

and

it

is

with you, not with them\

7f

The

the youthful generation in society and the youth-

The "them"

is

less clearly

refers to the "old,"

its

still

defined and experienced. At

the generation that has lost

capacity for youthful pursuits.

statement expresses his growing realization that he

More is

place

its

immediately, the

leaving the youthful

generation and entering that vaguest and most disturbing of generations,

"the middle-aged."

So is

it

becomes important to

no standard

identify the sequence of generations.

There

definition of generations in the individual life cycle.

useful starting point, however,

One

the Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset's conception of generations in the history of society and in the life cycle.

1.

2. 3.

4. 5.

is

He identifies five generations Childhood: age 0-15 Youth: age 15-30 Initiation :. age

30-45

Dominance: age 45-60 Old age: age 60+

The Anatomy

Eras:

The Youth and

occupy the era of

Initiation generations

hood. Youth (age 15-30)

starts

of the Life Cycle

29

early adult-

with the Early Adult Transition and

extends through the "novice" phase of early adulthood. This generation

engaged

in entering the adult

there, as

we

shall see.

Mid-life Transition

The

world and making an

place for

initial

is

itself

Initiation generation (age 30-45) includes the

and the ending of

between the Youth, who are not yet

early adulthood. It

is

intermediate

fully responsible participants in adult

society, and the Dominant generation, which has the main burdens and satisfactions of senior leadership and authority. The Dominant generation (45-60) makes its ideas and aims the gov-

erning ones in every sector of society (such as politics, business, religion, art

and science) and devotes

and

implementing those aims. The

to

Initiation generation receives the

upcoming to assert

itself

its

own

goals. It will

authority,

and

implement

its

wisdom

of

elders, begins

its

creates moderately or radically

own aims

after taking the

new

ideas

mantle of power

and fifties. At any given moment in history, says Ortega, the Initiation and Dominant generations are the two crucial ones, and the relations between them are fateful for the future of society. Even in a period when a youthful "protest" generation plays a dramatic part on the social scene (as it did in the 1960s), the immediate historic result of the protest is carried by the two

in the forties

older generations.

impact when

it

The

current

Youth generation will have a more direct power and enacts its succes-

enters positions of increasing

sive generational roles

from age 30 to

In his theory of the

Erikson identifies a

life

series of generations in

cover early and middle childhood. sion, occupies adolescence

Intimacy

60.

cycle as a sequence of eight ego stages, Erik

The

adulthood. His

fifth,

first

and the Early Adult Transition. The

vs. Isolation, arises in

four stages

Identity vs. Identity Confu-

the twenties, Generativity

vs.

sixth stage,

Stagnation at

about 40, and Integrity vs. Despair at 60. Erikson's last four ego stages thus unfold with the successive eras of early, middle and late adulthood. Erikson's seventh stage, Generativity vs. Stagnation,

vance here.

and

it

Its

is

of special rele-

onset coincides with the start of the Mid-life Transition,

remains a predominant concern through middle adulthood. "Generoften thought to

mean

the creation of a

ativity"

is

spring.

Being a father to young children

adulthood. As a

man

passes 40, his task

is

generations of adults— the generations of

to

is,

new

generation of

off-

however, a task of early

assume responsibility

Youth and

Initiation, in

for

new

Ortega

He must become paternal in new ways to younger adults. He cannot treat them as if they were children under his benign control. He must find new ways to combine authority and mutuality— accepting his

y Gasset's sense.

THE SEASONS OF A

30

own

responsibility

MAN S

and

LIFE

as adults, inviting their participation

greater independence

them

offering leadership, yet also taking

and fostering

and authority. While he

is

seriously

growth toward

their

becoming

a senior

mem-

ber of the adult world, he must relate to persons in their thirties as junior

but

members who

fully adult

their twenties as novices going

soon succeed him, and to persons in

will

through their

initial

formative period within

the adult world. In every stage, developing

is

a process in

which opposite extremes

are to

some degree reconciled and integrated. Both generativity and its opposite pole, stagnation, are vital to a man's development. To become generative, a

man must know how

ing, of

tion

being

and devoid of

of living in the

The

it

feels to

static, stuck,

down in He must know the

self -fulfillment.

capacity to experience, endure

Stagnation

is

a life full of obliga-

experience of dying,

shadow of death.

intrinsic aspect of the struggle

and

fight against stagnation

vulnerability in myself

passion for others.

I

in

a source of

an

neces-

recognition of

wisdom, empathy and com-

can truly understand the suffering of others only

can identify with them through an awareness of destructiveness.

It plays a

The

mid-life development.

becomes

is

toward generativity in middle adulthood.

not purely negative nor to be totally avoided.

and continuing part

sary

stagnate— to have the sense of not grow-

drying up, bogged

my own

if I

weakness and

Without this self-awareness, I am capable only of the kind and altruism that reduces the other's hardship but leaves

of sympathy, pity

him

still

a victim.

Evolving Careers and Enterprises

The

nature of each era

is

reflected in the evolution of a

man's careers in

work, family and other settings, his involvement in solitary and social enterprises,

and

his broader life plans

and

goals.

The

fabric of his life changes at

around 40, with the start of middle adulthood. By 40, he has had a chance to build a life and to realize the fruits of his youthful labors. As he enters likely to review his progress and ask: "What now? Of what value is my life to society, to other persons, and especially to myself?" He must deal with the disparity between what he is and what he has dreamed of becoming. These questions present themselves regardless of the outcome of his youthful efforts. If a man at 40 has failed to realize his most cherished dreams, he must begin to come to terms with the failure and arrive at a

the Mid-life Transition, he

have

new

I

done?

Where am

set of choices

brilliantly,

is

I

around which to rebuild

his life. If

he must consider the meaning and value of

feel that his present life

is

satisfying

and provides the

he has succeeded

his success.

basis for a

He may

good

life in

The Anatomy

Eras:

of the Life Cycle

31

the future. Even in this fortunate but rare case, however, a turning point

new

has been reached. His

hood, but

man who

may stem

life

will nonetheless

it

change

directly

from that of

early adult-

in certain crucial respects. Often, a

has accomplished his goals comes to feel trapped: his success

meaningless and he

is

now

caught within a stultifying situation.

is

Many men

some respects and disappointing or Whatever his life condition, every man in the early things out, come to terms with the limitations and con-

find their lives relatively satisfactory in

destructive in others. forties

needs to sort

sider the next steps in the journey.

A man

around 40 has the experience of arriving at a culmination, a turning point. A specific event often serves as a marker indicating where at

he now stands and how

some form

far

he can

path. Several events of great

life

and

This culminating event represents

go.

movement forward or backward on the significance may occur in the late thirties

of success or failure, of

promotions or

early forties:

factions in family

failures at

work, major

difficulties or satis-

the

illness or

death of loved ones,

recognitions or devaluations in his world.

The one

that operates as the

personal

life,

illness,

culminating event has a special meaning: in his mind,

outcome of

his youthful strivings;

phase of his

will receive in this

it

life,

it

symbolizes the

represents the highest affirmation he

and he uses

it

to estimate his chances

for realizing his aims in the future.

An 1970).

example

He

is

begins

given by the great philosopher Bertrand Russell (1872-

Volume

II of his

autobiography as follows:

The period from 1910 to 1914 was a time of transition. My life before 1910 and my life after 1914 were as sharply separated as Faust's life before and after he met Mephistopheles. I underwent a process of rejuvenation, inaugurated by Ottoline Morrell and continued by the curious that the

out of

my

War

mental questions. I

me provided me

and made

prejudices

It also

think afresh on a

with a

new kind

me

whenever

did not feel the staleness that beset

mathematical

logic.

I

it

number

may seem shook

I

me

of funda-

of activity, for

which

tried to return to

whom

Mephistopheles was represented by

War.

His remarkable transition clearly went on for the

World War

It

have therefore got into the habit of thinking of myself

as a non-supernatural Faust for

the Great

War.

should rejuvenate anybody, but in fact

I,

Russell's early

so that

its

span

is

age 38-44.

The

first

few years of

culminating event of

adulthood was the completion of the Piincipia Mathematica

This monumental work established his fame and brought him the Nobel Prize some years later. It was the product of a nine-year labor with

at 38.

his colleague his senior.

and mentor, Alfred North Whitehead, who was eleven

During

this

entire period Russell

sexually celibate marriage that left

him

had an emotionally

free to center his life

years cold,

around the

THE SEASONS OF A

32

MAN S

LIFE

passionate intellectual work with Whitehead. In the

months

was completed, he realized that he was a great success

human

a failure as a

human is

being. His

life

after the

book

philosopher and

as a

was devoid of most pleasures and

mathematics attracted him precisely "because

feelings; in fact,

it

not human."

At 39 Russell met Lady Ottoline Morrell, with whom he had an intense affair. She opened a new world to him— a world of greater sexual freedom and, what was more important, of deeper feeling, esthetic sensibility and social concern. Three years later, the start of World War I provided new impetus for his growing pacifism and his interest in fame and power. His love for Ottoline Morrell and his hatred for the war played a love

basic part in this process.

However, the change was not merely a reaction

The

to these external events.

events were ingredients in a developmental

process— the Mid-life Transition— through which he was rejuvenated and his life drastically altered.

clear shape:

By

his mid-forties the transformation

he was struggling desperately to become

machine" that gained

its

satisfaction

was taking

of a "logic

less

from producing good ideas and from

destroying bad ideas (and their advocates); and he was trying to live a

more

fuller,

The

diverse

struggle

changed

life.

went on

his occupation

phenated hybrid

for the remainder of his 98-year lifetime. Russell

from "pure" academic philosopher to

a highly hy-

philosopher-politician-popular-writer-moralist-and-more.

:

By word and example he became an advocate of sexual liberation. He never entirely outgrew some of the early tendencies— the splitting of inteland emotion, the egocentric

lect

willfulness, the uneasy mixture of elitism

and humanitarianism, the awareness of destructiveness in himself.

and

Yet he showed a continuing evolution

his personal

ticular final state,

A

life. is

of the essence of

life.

human development.

culminating event frequently plays an important part in instigating

The same

meaning and consequences is

in his creative products

This evolution, and not the attainment of any par-

the Mid-life Transition.

40

if it

event, however,

not simply reacting to an external situation.

He makes

an

would have

occurred at another time.

effort to reconsider

He

future.

He

interprets the culminating event

analysis, too,

must take

A man

is

different at

around

reappraising his

the direction he has taken, the fate of

his youthful dreams, the possibilities for a better (or

Our

more than

in others

worse)

and others within

life in

the

this context.

into account his initial adult aspirations

and

his involvements in work, family, politics, religion, leisure, friendship— all

the segments of

life

that have significance for him,

and

their evolution

over the years.

The

idea of a Mid-life Transition was given

its first

modern formulation

The Anatomy

Eras:

by C. G. Jung.

He

distinguished the

half

first

of the Life Cycle

33

from the second half of

life,

and placed the dividing period at around 40. Although he does not identify eras, the distinction between early and middle adulthood is evident in his thought. Jung observed that a resurgence of "individuation''

40— the "noon

around

of life" as

afternoon and evening of

individuation

is

of his

aims.

He

utilize his

thirties,

one-sided and unbalanced.

neglected or suppressed. feeling, intuition,

or

two are

first

sorely needed, at mid-life

is

Until the late

psycholo-

which a person

and

fuller identity

inner resources and pursue

new levels of awareness, meaning and underknown to be a crucial aspect of development

is

childhood and adolescence. Jung was the

ation occurs, and

commonly used by

generates

standing. Individuation in

it is

individual. Acquiring a clearer

own, he becomes better able to

own

his

as

a developmental process through

becomes more uniquely

begin at

life.

As Jung conceived the term, and gists,

may

he called it— and continue through the

Many

Of

life

of necessity rather

is

valuable aspects of the self have been

the four psychological functions— thought,

sensation— that

likely to

man's

says Jung, a

to recognize that individu-

and beyond.

all

must

personalities

exercise, only

one

have developed much. Although no one develops

four functions to an equal degree,

it

is

all

possible in middle adulthood to

strengthen the formerly weaker functions and lead a

more balanced

life.

Mid-life individuation enables us to reduce the tyranny of both the

demands

on us and the demands of our own repressed

society places

We can

stinctual) unconscious. calls

the "archetypal unconscious," an inner source of self-definition and

satisfaction.

Most

(in-

begin giving more attention to what Jung

of

Archetypes

are, so to speak, a treasury of seeds

them remain dormant

in early adulthood.

man

individuation in middle adulthood, as a figures

and

enrich his

gives life in

them

a

more valued place

ways hardly dreamed of

in his

Through the

process of

life,

they will evolve and

in youth. Individuation it

I

shall return to this

theme

in

is

not

holds the possi-

continuing self-renewal and creative involvement in one's

others' lives.

self.

nourishes the archetypal

without painful transitions and recurrent setbacks, but bility of

within the

own and

the chapters on the Mid-life

Transition.

Late Adulthood As

I

have mentioned, our study deals with the span of years from the

teens to the late forties. In developmental terms,

we

late

cover the period from

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

34

LIFE

the Early Adult Transition to

more

full

I am on and the nature

entry into middle adulthood.

end of

speculative ground in discussing the

this era

of the subsequent eras. Nonetheless, in order to complete this overview of

the

life cycle, I offer

the following provisional view of late adulthood.

In the early sixties middle adulthood normally comes to an end and late

The

adulthood begins.

numerous

a result of

character of living

is

needs to be recognized as a distinctive and

we believe, from about 60 Middle and

late

altered in fundamental ways as

biological, psychological

and

social changes.

fulfilling

season in

This era

life. It lasts,

to 85.

adulthood, like the other

eras, are

not demarcated by

a single universal event. Various marker events, such as illness or retire-

ment, may highlight the end of middle adulthood and shape the tional process. exists for

specific

The Late Adult

Transition

from about 60 to

lasts

transi-

65. It

the same kinds of reasons as the Mid-life Transition, though the

content

is

different.

At around 60, there is again the reality and the experience of bodily As I've mentioned, there is statistically a gradual decline starting at about 30 and continuing its inexorable course over the remaining years. A man does not suddenly become "old" at 50 or 60 or 80. In the fifties and sixties, however, many mental and physical changes intensify his experience of his own aging and mortality. They remind him that he is moving decline.

from "middle age" to a terrifying

every

term "old age."

man

There

later generation for

is

No

one of these changes happens to

likely to experience several

is

and to be

nothing

if

he

is

all

greatly affected

the increasing frequency of death and serious

loved ones, friends and colleagues. Even cally active,

which our culture has only the

in

illness

men. Yet by them.

among

his

good health and physi-

he has many reminders of

else,

his decreasing vigor and capacity. If more frequent aches and pains. But he is also likely one major illness or impairment— be it heart disease,

there are

to have at least

cancer, endocrine dysfunction, defective vision or hearing, depression or

other emotional distress.

He

will receive

medical warnings that he must

follow certain precautions or run the risk of crippling illness.

The

internal messages

make accommodations

men

at

around 60

from

more his

or major changes in his

differ widely.

Some

serious, possibly fatal or

own body, too, tell him to mode of living. Of course,

face a late adulthood of serious

ill-

ness or impairment, while others lead active, energetic lives. However,

every of

man

some

in the

Late Adult Transition must deal with the decline or

loss

of his middle adult powers.

In addition, there sixties. If

is

a culturally defined

the term "middle-aged"

is

change of generation in the

vague and frightening, what about our

terminology (and imagery) for the subsequent years?

The commonly used

The Anatomy

Eras:

words such

"golden age" and "senior citizen" acquire nega-

as "elderly,"

a person in the twenties,

hill."

it

appears that passing 30

In the thirties, turning 40

is

a powerful threat.

the passing of the next age threshold of vitality

What

and of life can

it

is

is

to

mean, then, to approach 60 and to

overcome the

of age dominates, but

long as a

man

in. self

in

life,

feel that all

splitting of

it

forms of

remaining in middle age— are

last vestiges

The developmental

youth and age, and find in each season

an appropriate balance of the two. In

growth

getting "over the

anticipated as a total loss of youth,

about to disappear, so that only "old age" remains? task

is

At every point

itself.

youth— even those seemingly

as

35

connotations reflecting our personal and cultural anxiety about aging.

tive

To

of the Life Cycle

late

adulthood the archetypal figure

can take various forms of the creative, wise elder

retains his connection to youthful vitality, to the forces of

and world. During the Late Adult Transition,

that the youth within

him

is

dying and that only the old

a

man

man— an

fears

empty,

dry structure devoid of energy, interests or inner resources— will survive for a brief

and

foolish old age. His task

form appropriate to

is

late adulthood.

to sustain his youthfulness in a

He must

new

terminate and modify the

earlier life structure.

Once

again the ending of an era brings the culmination of the strivings

that were important within

occupy the center stage of

it.

In late adulthood a

his world.

He

is

man

called upon,

can no longer

and increasingly

upon himself, to reduce the heavy responsibilities of middle adulthood and to live in a changed relationship with society and himself. Moving out of center stage can be traumatic. A man receives less recognition and has less authority and power. His generation is no longer the dominant one. As part of the "grandparent" generation within the family, he can at best be modestly helpful to his grown offspring and a source of

calls

indulgence and moral support to his grandchildren. But offspring, as they

major responsibility and authority in the family. authority,

he

is

it is

time for his

approach and enter middle adulthood, to assume the

likely to

become

If

he does not give up

his

a tyrannical ruler— despotic, unwise, un-

loved and unloving— and his adult offspring

may become

puerile adults

unable to love him or themselves. In his work

life,

too, there will

be serious

difficulties if a

man

holds a

beyond age 65 or 70. If he does so, he is "out own generation and he is in conflict with the generation

position of formal authority of phase" with his in

middle adulthood who need to assume greater

times happens that a

man

responsibilities. It

in his seventies or older retains a

position in government, religion, business or other institutions.

come

quickly to mind:

Mao

Tse-tung,

Chou

En-lai, Churchill,

some-

pre-eminent

Names

Ben Gurion,

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

36

Gandhi, de Gaulle and John D. Rockefeller. But, even when high level of energy and adulthood.

and

ers is

He

skill,

he

by them. The continuity of the generations

The

generation in middle adulthood suffers from powerlessness

and conformism, while the generation lack of innovation,

immediate

has a

into late

tends to be an isolated leader, in poor touch with his follow-

overly idealized or hated

disrupted.

man

a

power well

ill-advised to retain

is

adulthood

in early

suffers

from the

moral support and tutelage they need from their

seniors.

Some men can Within employment, and late as 70.

retire

with dignity and security the age at which a

this range,

from

especially

others, should reflect his

own

position

a

as early as 50, others as

man

of

retires

needs, capabilities and

from formal

authority

direct

over

circumstances.

life

After "retirement" in this specific sense, he can engage in valued work, but it

now

stems more from his

own

from external

creative energies than

pressure and financial need. Having paid his dues to society, he has earned

the right to be and do what

most important

is

the distinction between work and play.

way

playful

to the interests that flow

Using the youthfulness

self.

sibilities

and

directly

men

will

is

beyond

from the depths of the

are just beginning to learn

environments for development

adulthood so that more

He

social security are the external condi-

We

freedom of choice.

facilitating

most

to himself.

can devote himself in a serious-

within him, he can enjoy the creative pos-

of this season. Financial

tions for this

create

still

He

in

early

how

to

and middle

have the internal resources for meaningful

work-play in their later years.

A primary developmental task of late adulthood to find a new and with the self. A man in this era is

of involvement with society

is

balance experi-

encing more fully the process of dying and he should have the possibility

more

of choosing

freely his

own

humanity, of his

tribe

mode

and of

Without

losing his love of

he can form

a broader perspec-

of living. his self,

and recognize more profoundly our human contradictions,

tive

creativity

and destructiveness. Greater wisdom regarding the external world can be gained only through a stronger centering in the that a

man becomes more

he becomes

more

j

selfish or vain. Just

less interested in

become,

He

continues to

as

This does not mean It

means that

obtaining the rewards offered by society, and

interested in utilizing his

self

self.

the opposite.

own

inner resources.

The

voices within the

more audible and more worthy of his attention. be actively engaged with the voices and realities of the

it

were,

external world, but

he seeks

a

new balance

in

which the

self

has greater

primacy. (For a discussion of this issue in middle adulthood, see Chapter 15-) If a

man

creates a

new form

of self-in-world, late adulthood can

be

a

The Anatomy

Eras:

season as

full

and

rich as the others.

of the Life Cycle

37

Some of the greatest intellectual and men in their sixties, seventies and

works have been produced by

artistic

even eighties. Examples abound:

Frank Lloyd

Verdi,

Yeats,

Picasso,

Wright, Freud, Jung, Sophocles, Michelangelo, Tolstoy. Countless other

men have

contributed their wisdom as elders in a variety of counseling,

educative and supporting roles in family and community.

Sigmund Freud's late adulthood, passionate vitality was in constant struggle with morbid pessimism. Ernest Jones, in his great biography, In

divides Freud's life into three segments that correspond to the eras pre-

Volume

sented here.

The Formative

1,

Years and the Great Discoveiies:

1856-igoo, carries Freud through his Mid-life Transition and his shift from neurology to psychoanalysis.

Volume

Years of Maturity: 1901-1919,

2,

covers the years of middle adulthood from age 44 to 63. During this time

Freud sought to establish psychoanalysis theory and a

movement

Volume During

The

would strongly influence the academic and

totally

engaged

War

was an

I

in this struggle.

Last Phase: 1919-1939, describes his late adulthood.

this era Freud's creativity

and World

we

3,

that

He was

psychiatric world.

as a clinical specialty, a scientific

took

new

turned 60 in 1916,

was leaving the peak years of his middle adulthood, the

world was starting

its

transition out of an age

of reason, science, gradual ciety) that his

He

Late Adult Transition. Again

and individual development:

see a convergence of societal history

Freud

forms.

intrinsic part of his

own

had

(dominated

as

Western

the imagery

by.

and continuing progress toward the good

existed for over

two hundred

years.

He had

so-

to deal with

decline as well as the decline of the culture to which he was so

ambivalently committed. His previous scientific and clinical interests continued, but they were overshadowed by his growing concern with philosophical-religious issues

Late adulthood

ment. Erikson's its

key polarity

feels

is

final is

and with the

an era of decline

as well as

ego stage occurs in this

Integrity vs. Despair.

fate of

As

a

His contribution to society and to his

He must

arrive at

some

own

appraisal of his

begins at about 60, and

enters late adulthood

immortality life.

civilization.

opportunity for develop-

era. It

man

human

that he has completed the major part— perhaps all— of

pleted. is

and

origins

is

he

his life work.

largely

com-

The developmental

task

to gain a sense of the integrity of his life— not simply of his virtue or

achievement, but of his

life as

a whole. If

he succeeds

in this,

he can

live

without bitterness or despair during late adulthood. Finding meaning and value in his

To

life,

however imperfect, he can come to terms with death.

gain a genuine sense of integrity, a

integrity in his

life.

man must

confront the lack of

During the Late Adult Transition, everyone

has a sense of utter despair. This always has

some

at times

basis in actuality as well

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

38

He

as in irrational self-accusation.

himself or others, that

its

good

destructiveness, stupidity

Worst

of

all,

feels that his life

qualities are far

has been of no value to

outweighed by the recurrent

and betrayal of the values he holds most

dear.

no further opportunity to

right

the damage

is

done: there

is

the balance.

Whatever our must our

values,

we cannot

The

up to them

fully.

we

In the end,

with the sources of the flaws and corruptions in

effect a reconciliation

lives.

live

sources are multiple: they are in ourselves, in our enemies

and loved ones,

in the imperfect

world where each of us

build a

tries to

Making peace with all the enemies in self and world is an important part of this task. To make peace in this inner sense does not keep a man from fighting for his convictions; but it does enable him to life of integrity.

fight

with

less rancor,

with fewer illusions and with broader perspective.

Late Late Adulthood More people are now living into the eighties and beyond, but very little is known about development in those years. It is obviously an oversimplification to regard the entire span of years after age 60 or 65 as a single era.

Given the lack of research ing segment of the

we can only speculate about this concludThe following hypothesis is offered mainly as

data,

life cycle.

We

suggest

new era, late late adulthood, begins at around 80. Most men who survive to enter their eighties are suffering from

various

a point of departure to stimulate further

work on

this issue.

that a .

and

infirmities

at least

more evident than the

one chronic

process of growth.

tains only a small territory, a

tion with

The process of aging is much The life structure usually con-

few significant relationships and a preoccupa-

immediate bodily needs and personal comforts. Under conditions

of severe personal decline all

illness.

and

social

development

What

a

paring for his

man own

is

coming

death.

opmental work was to

man

in his eighties

months, or

mean

at the very

end of the

life

lose

psycho-

cycle? It

to terms with the process of dying

At the end

start a

knows that

new his

of

all

is

and

pre-

previous eras, part of the devel-

era, to create a

death

new

imminent.

It

basis for living.

may come

in a

A

few

shadow, and at its call. To be must make his peace with dying. If he the immortality of the soul, he must prepare himself for some in

twenty

years.

But he

lives in its

able to involve himself in living he believes in

is

as well as senescence.

does development

means that

may

social deprivation, life in this era

meaning. Under more favorable conditions, however, there

Eras:

kind of

afterlife. If not,

and with

his

own

vitality,

and to

of the Life Cycle

he may yet be concerned with the

fate of

39

humanity

human evolution. Development is giving new meaning to life and death in

immortality as part of

occurring to the extent that he general,

The Anatomy

his

own

life

is

and death

he may continue to be engaged

in particular. If

in social life.

he maintains

He may

his

provide others

an example of wisdom and personal nobility.

Above

all,

matters most

he

is

now

reaching his ultimate involvement with the is

his final sense of

the bridge" at the end of the the crucial internal figures

it

life cycle.

it

up.

life is

it

What

about, his 'View from

In the end he has only the self and

has brought into being.

to terms with the self— knowing

ready to give

what

self.

and loving

it

He must come

finally

reasonably well, and being

Developmental Periods:

8

The

Evolution of the Individual Life Structure

The sequence

of eras, described in the previous chapter, forms the gross

Within

scaffolding of the life cycle.

fundamental question of

framework we can pursue the

gressed, our findings led us

from the idea of a

development to the idea of qualitatively

ment.

We

began to identify

sequence of periods, from the end of ado-

a

have

I

major developmental change. there

is

steady, continuous process

of our subjects passed.

all

clues as to the nature, of the periods have

cussion of the eras. As

indi-

different periods in develop-

lescence to the middle forties, through which

Some

normal process of

and middle adulthood? As our study pro-

vidual development in early

of

this

this inquiry: Is there a

said,

been noted

in the dis-

the shift from one era to the next

is

a

does not occur easily or quickly. Rather,

It

a cross-era transition, a developmental period that normally lasts

we conThe Mid-

four or five years. In the Early Adult Transition (age 17 to 22)

clude pre-adulthood and begin our entry into early adulthood.

Transition (age 40 to 45) enables a man to terminate early adulthood and to initiate middle adulthood. The discovery of these periods led us to

life

ask whether there are not additional developmental periods in each era.

We found too

that the eras are distinguished by changes in the overall

character of living. focuses

on a

The

eras

do not necessarily show themselves when one

single aspect of living, as

the nature of adult development,

most

we had

investigators have.

in its patterning at a given time,

and

trace

its

When we

life

from

this

looked at each man's

To

grasp

to begin with the individual life

evolution over the years.

vantage point,

we

first

observed in broad outline the eras and cross-era transitions. Then, examining the

life

course

more

mental periods, similar

Many of living.

closely,

era a series of develop-

concepts and techniques are available for studying specific aspects

But how do we study the character

tion over a span of years? it

we found within each

in their basic nature to the cross-era transitions.

includes "too

discipline.

My

many

Many

variables"

of a man's life

will say that this

is

and takes us beyond the

answer: yes, the study of an individual

scope of any single discipline, and

it is

and

its

evolu-

too difficult a task, that limits of a single

life is

beyond the

very difficult to do well— but

it

can

Developmental Periods

be done! In the present study we have,

though

only a start and there

it is

is

I

believe,

made

41

a significant start,

a great deal left to do.

The concept we have created for .this purpose— and it is the pivotal concept in our entire work— is the individual life structure. By "life structure" we mean the underlying pattern or design of a person's life at a given time. Here we are studying the lives of men. A man's life has many his occupation, his love relationships, his marriage

components:

and

family,

his relation to himself, his use of solitude, his roles in various social con-

texts—all the relationships with individuals, groups

and

institutions that

have significance for him. His personality influences and his

involvement in each of them.

life structure.

fied,

we can

Once

influenced by

is

We must start, however, with the overall

the character of the individual's

life

has been identi-

study in more detail the changes occurring in personality, in

the marital and occupational careers, and in other components of

We have found

that, over the years, the life structure evolves

sequence of periods.

a standard

The developmental

describe are thus periods in the evolution of the

emphasize and re-emphasize I

am

this point, as

it is

periods

I

life.

through

shall

life structure. I

soon

want

to

frequently misunderstood.

not talking about stages in ego development or occupational develop-

ment

or development in any single aspect of living.

periods in the evolution of the individual

life

I

structure.

am

talking about

The

and

periods,

the eras of which they are a part, constitute a basic source of order in the life cycle.

The

order exists at an underlying level.

day-to-day level of concrete action, events

At the more immediate

and experience, our

lives are

often rapidly changing and fragmented.

We are now prepared to maintain that everyone lives through the same developmental periods in adulthood,

just as in

childhood, though people

go through them in radically different ways. Each individual

own unique

A

character.

valid theory of

development

is

life

has

its

not a ipold or

blueprint specifying a single, "normal" course that everyone must follow. Its

function, instead,

is

to indicate the developmental tasks that everyone

must work on in successive periods, and the infinitely varied forms that such work can take in different individuals living under different conditions.

Such

a theory increases our sense of

variousness of individual lives;

The

it

human

potentialities

and of the

does not impose a template for conformity.

Individual Life Structure

The concept at a given

of life structure— the basic pattern or design of a person's

time— gives

us a

way

of looking at the

engagement of the

life

indi-

THE SEASONS OF A

42

MAN S

LIFE

and the

vidual in society. It requires us to consider both self and world, relationships

between them. Our study has shown that the

goes through a process of development in adulthood. focus of our analysis.

evolution of the

of

I

speak of adult development,

structure provides a tool for analyzing

life

times called "the fabric of one's interrelations of self

life."

Through

and world— to see how the

it

we

the primary

mean the

I

its effects.

When

what

is

some-

we may examine

the

in the world,

and

self

is

how the world is in the self. When an external event has we consider how processes in the self may have helped and to mediate

structure

life

is

structure during the adult years.

life

The concept

When

It

a decisive impact,

to bring

it

about

an inner conflict leads to dramatic action,

how external influences may have touched off the conflict and how it would be played out. We try to determine how various

consider

decided

aspects of self

shape

its

and world influence the formation

and

of a life structure

change over time.

The life structure may be considered in terms of three perspectives: a. The individual's sociocultural wodd as it impinges upon him has meaning and consequences for him. To understand a man's life, therefore, we must take into account the society in which he lives. We must place him within

various social contexts— class, religion, ethnicity, family, polit-

system, occupational structure— and understand their relevance for

ical

him. His

modified by changes in the surrounding culture, in social

life is

movements and is

affected

institutions, in the

by massive events such

ticular conditions in his

own

economy and the

as

political climate.

war and depression, and by more

work, family and community

He par-

life.

Some aspects oi his sett are lived out; other aspects are inhibited or neglected. The self includes a complex patterning of wishes, conflicts, b.

anxieties

and ways of resolving or controlling them.

moral values and

ideals, talents

thought and action. Part of the

we must

and self

skills, is

character

conscious;

much

consider both parts. Important aspects of the

in the pre-adult era, continue to influence a

It

man's

includes fantasies,

traits, is

modes

of feeling,

unconscious; and

self, initially

life in

formed

adulthood.

how the person draws upon the self, or ignores it, in his The self is an intrinsic element of the life structure and

We

have to see

every-

day

not a

life.

separate entity. c.

We

need to examine the man's participation

in

the world.

The

external world provides a landscape, a cast of characters, a variety of re-

sources and constraints out of which a selectively uses

and

and

is

man

fashions his

and

life.

A man

used by his world, through his evolving relationships

roles as citizen, lover, worker, boss, friend,

diverse groups

Own

husband, father,

member

enterprises. Participation involves transactions

of

between

Developmental Periods

self

and

43

and world. The transactions take obvious forms, but subtle meanings feelings play an important part in them.

When

studying the evolution of

the most fundamental sense: evolves over time.

He

his subject's life.

factually accurate

He

this life.

The

we

life

course as

it

to present a full picture of

is

an interpretive construction that

tries to arrive at

is

and that "makes sense" of the nature and sequence of and historical context, and at

places his subject in his social self,

attempting to grasp the most private

torments and fulfillments.

aspirations, qualities of character,

show how the person is both a reflection making his unique contribution, large

The

of his society

method

biographer

is,

as

gist-sociologist-man-of-letters.

it

and

He

tries to

a creative agent

or small, to the continuity and

The term "biography"

his world.

prise including a task, a

product.

are being biographical in

with the concrete

start

task of the biographer

the same time probes into the

change of

we

life structure,

thus refers to a complex enter-

of work, a theoretical conception

were, a hybrid: he

and

a

a historian-psycholo-

is

While bringing together

various theoretical

approaches and sources of information, he must maintain his fidelity to the unique, idiosyncratic

life

We are engaged

of his subject.

here in one form

of biography.

How

we go about

shall

most useful

starting point,

makes and how he

I

believe,

is

to consider the choices a person

deals with their consequences.

ships of various kinds,

where to

The important

live, leisure,

involvement in

many models

is

choices relation-

religious, polit-

and community life, immediate and long-term goals. Making a significant life choice is a complex matter. Choosing

an occupation

The

structure?

life

have to do' with work, family, friendships and love

in adult life

ical

describing and analyzing the

to enter

not like choosing a dessert or a brand of soap (though

of decision-making treat

them

as

they were the same)

if

decision to marry grows out of a premarital relationship

point for an evolving marital relationship.

A

man's

and

self

is

The

.

the starting

and world

are

heavily involved in the character of the initial relationship, in the decision to marry,

So is

and

in the further vicissitudes of the marriage.

in describing the

important choices in a man's

not enough to deal with the "choice" in isolation.

other words, simply to say that he

he

is

a

member

he belongs to sary to

ings

of occupation

X

is

It

and employed

B and

listing of items.

at

component

life structure,

a given time

it

not enough, in

work place Y, or that

fraternal order

We

every choice

C.

It is

neces-

have to consider the mean-

and functions of each choice within the individual of the

is

married to a particular woman, that

religion A, political party

go beyond a mere

life at

is

life structure.

saturated by both self

As a and

44

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

To

world.

tionship

LIFE

choose something means to have a relationship with

becomes

The

it.

rela-

and

a vehicle for living out certain aspects of the self

for

engaging in certain modes of participation in the world.

The I

have

primary components of the

motives and

life

The components

just described.

structure are choices, in the sense

are not features of the self, such as

nor are they features of the world, such

abilities,

as institu-

tions, groups and objects. In characterizing each choice, however,

man's relationship with

sary to understand the nature of the

within the

and to see how

life structure,

it is

to place

it,

connected to both

it is

necesit

and

self

world.

The components

of the life structure are not a

random

set of items, like

pebbles washed up at the seashore. Rather, like threads in a tapestry, they are

woven

into an encompassing design. Recurring themes in various sectors

help to unify the overall pattern of the tapestry. Lives differ widely in the nature and patterning of the components.

One

components

or two

in the structure. Others,

(rarely as

many

have a central place

as three)

though important, are more peripheral, and

others are quite marginal or detached from the center.

ponents have the greatest significance for the course.

They

components

The

made

are easier to detach

and

may change

from center to periphery or vice

committed to work

starts

more

A

in family life.

altogether.

The

a

The less

peripheral

investment

life.

A

component may

man who it

drastically.

shift

has been totally

and involves himself

formerly important component

may be

eliminated

For example, a

compo-

man may

remain

but enrich and deepen the marital relationship; he

the nature and meaning of his work, without changing occu-

he may make

a

new

choice of wife or occupation that leads to

a qualitative change in the character of his

The components most

likely to

tion, marriage-family, friendship

life.

be central

and peer

in a

also

have a central place, when

tions for the self

and

is

work, or watching sports

more than on TV, is a

man's

life

are occupa-

relationships, ethnicity

may

gion. Leisure

We

life.

character of a man's relationships within a given

in the existing marriage

pations; or

when

detaching himself from

nent may change moderately or

may modify

versa, as

still

com-

for the evolving life

in other aspects of

in various ways.

central

and energy, and they

and change; they involve

are less crucial to the fabric of one's

structure

life

and

receive the largest share of one's time

strongly influence the choices

of the self

self

The

it

and

reli-

serves important func-

a casual activity. Playing sports after serious matter for

many men.

found that occupation and marriage-family are usually the most

central components,

though there are

significant variations in their relative

weight and in the importance of other components.

Work and

family are

Developmental Periods

human

universal features of

components more

Let's consider these

life.

45

closely.

•

occupation. In

all societies,

of the social structure. Every

soni£ form of work

deemed

work

man

is

a

major part of individual

and

life

required to contribute his labor in

is

useful for the tribe.

A

man's occupation

is

one

of the primary factors determining his income, his prestige and his place in

work

society. Universally,

number

organized into a

is

of socially defined

occupations that are taught, accorded ^differential value and reward, and integrated into simple or complex economic structures.

Over

men make one

or

him within

them

quite marked, within the

a particular socioeconomic level

upon

exerts a powerful influence

of

of

A

from one occupation to another.

he makes among them, and tion.

chooses and forms an occupation. All

more changes, some

original occupation or

places

man

a span of years, a

man's occupation

and work world.

It

the options available to him, the choices

his possibilities for

advancement and

satisfac-

His work world also influences the choices he makes in other spheres

life.

Occupation has important sources within the quences for the

It

self.

self

and important conse-

medium

often the primary

is

in

which

young

a

man's dreams for the future are defined, and the vehicle he uses to pursue those dreams. At best, his occupation permits the fulfillment of basic values

and

life goals.

At worst,

a man's

sive

and corrupting, and contributes to

and

society. In studying a

of

man's

work and the multiple ways

a

work

life

over the years

is

growing alienation from

oppres-

self,

work

we need to understand the meaning which it may serve to fulfill, to barely

life,

in

sustain or to destroy the self.

•

marriage and family. In

all societies,

a

man

is

expected to marry and

to take certain responsibilities within a familial system. great variation in the culturally defined roles of

the structure of the family. family a central

component

A man

There

of course,

is,

husband and father and

usually wants to marry

and to make

in

his

in his life structure.

Marriage ordinarily creates a new

home

base for the young man.

center on which he establishes his place in the

community and

It is a

his chang-

ing relationships with friends, parents and extended family. It provides a vehicle for traveling a particular path in early adulthood. His marital choice reflects

some

of his

emerging values but violates others.

certain social contexts while separating If

he marries "the

and continuity

in his

girl life.

him from

next door," the marriage In this case, he

is

It links

him

to

others.

more

may make

for stability*

likely to live in

the same

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

46

neighborhood, to have an occupation and

and to integrate

values,

his forebears.

On

the other hand, marriage to a

ground and aspirations

is

likely to

be part of

consistent with parental

and

major

a

religious patterns of

woman

of different back-

shift in his life.

Many

meanings and functions of a marriage are implicit or even uncon-

of the

scious

life style

his life within the ethnic

they play themselves out over time in changing and often unantici-

:

pated ways.

A

man's family

life

usually has a major effect

whole. His immediate family connects of

life,

such

him

as his original family, ethnicity

and poorly designed

certain parts of the self

The

his

ongoing

and occupation.

within a larger world and provides a vehicle that tain life journeys

on

to various other

is

life as a

components

It

places

him

well designed for cer-

for others. It enables

him

to live out

and to leave others dormant or repressed.

various professions

and

scientific disciplines often focus

on one

component of life to the relative exclusion of the others. For example, a good deal of research and counseling has been devoted to occupational acknowledge that

careers. Investigators

by other

factors,

such

man's work career

a

as personality, family life

is

and ethnic context. In

general, however, they tend to ignore the non-occupational

or to consider

them

in only a cursory fashion.

framework within which to

retical

influenced

components

They have had no

theo-

components.

interrelate the various

Likewise, a good deal of research and counseling has been devoted to marriage

and

family.

However, family and occupation have

together in our understanding of adult

rarely

been brought

life.

In the fields of personality research and clinical practice, the primary focus

is

usually

riage, ethnicity

on the and

self,

to the neglect of the actualities of work, mar-

class in a

therapy will be strengthened self as it

is

engaged with

destructiveness

and

man's

life.

when they

social institutions

creative possibilities

and psychomore account of the adult and with the fragmentation,

Personality theory

take

which are the

stuff of adult life

in society.

The Self Is The World

in the World, Is in

the Self

In the scientific study of humanity, there has been a powerful tendency in

each discipline to focus on a few aspects of

the others. society.

One

of the primary divisions

is

human

life

and

to neglect

that between individual and

Psychology and psychiatry focus chiefly upon the individual. Social

Developmental Periods sciences, such as sociology, social anthropology

upon

primarily

and

society

collective

him

vidual altogether or to regard

as a

and

political science, focus

They tend

life.

to ignore the indi-

simple product of the shaping

forces in society.

Although the study of the individual

erally considered

an appropriate

nevertheless It

both

it

field

and

self

that there

is

cycle

gen-

is

remains virtually untouched.

society,

We

or derivative.

life

of inquiry in the social sciences,

We

necessary to take a broader approach.

is

47

need to encompass

without making one primary and the other secondary

need to take seriously the idea of adult development—

some underlying order

in the life

cycle— and the idea of adult

socialization— that the self exists within a world and

mately bound together with that world.

The concept

evolution

its

of

life

is

inti-

structure pro-

vides a starting point for this approach.

The self

individual life structure

is

a patterning of self

and world are not two separate

Each

They

and world. However,

are not like billiard balls

each other's course but not each other's nature.

that, colliding, affect

essential feature of

entities.

An

human life is the inteipenetiation of self and world. Our thinking about one must take account of the

inside the other.

is

other.

The

interpenetration of self and world has been beautifully portrayed

by Arthur Miller

drama

in his plays

parallels closely

and

essays.

His social-psychological view of

our view of adult development:

society is inside of man and man is inside society, and you cannot even create a truthfully drawn psychological entity on the stage until you .

.

.

understand his social relations and their power to make him what he to prevent

water

is

him from being what he

is

not.

The

fish is in

is

and

the water and the

in the fish.

Miller criticizes the "social realism" that prevailed in the American theater during the 1930s. Plays of this period depict the conflicts

and

contradictions in society but their characters are lacking in individuality.

He

also criticizes

many

plays of the 1950s,

experience of adolescents but have

little

which depict the subjective

to say about the adult self dealing

with the responsibilities and potentialities of living in a complex society. Miller writes: In

my

opinion,

if

our stage does not come to pierce through affects to

an evaluation of the world inexpert one at that.

it

will contract to a lesser psychiatry

We shall be confined to writing an

the pestilence, an "Oedipus" whose catastrophe to the survival of his people,

is

and an

"Oedipus" without

private

and unrelated

an "Oedipus" who cannot tear out his eyes

because there will be no standard by which he can judge himself; an "Oedipus," in a word,

who on

learning of his incestuous marriage, instead of .

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

48

away

tearing out his eyes, will merely wipe

his tears thus to declare his

loneliness.

we

If

more

are to have a

truly adult theater, says

I— we must

adequate basis for studying adult development, say this interpenetration of self

external world.

We

without seeing

how

And

others.

and world. The

self

it is

well as

the external world

structure of society

its

sources,

life gives

an intrinsic part of the

is

is

members

its

particular choice

and the

cannot

structure.

life

and destructiveness. Society makes for

available

involvement and

social

among

others.

man

about a patterning in the choices a

moves

a

man

self-

making some Through its own

these options,

more highly rewarded than

structure, society brings

A

We

a limited range of individuals, groups, material re-

occupations and possibilities

attractive or

self.

diverse aspects of the

it.

reflected in the self

fulfillment. It influences his choices

more

how

evidence of his society's wisdom and integration as

conflicts, oppression

to each of

recognize

intrinsic part of the

colored and shaped by his self and the selves of

world are reflected and contained within

The

an

more

a

cannot adequately grasp the nature of a man's world

grasp the full nature of the self without seeing

Every man's

is

Miller— and

makes.

into a given world, or strengthens his

position in that world; and at the

same time

it

moves him away from

other worlds he has been considering.

The

external world also contributes to the substance of a man's chang-

ing attachments, aspirations, anxieties, identifications, creative productions.

Every organization and

social

world has a culture,

social structure

material conditions which affect the character of the relationships

A

the members.

It

and myths which he

self,

is

and

internal-

empty conformity,

development of certain parts

while hindering the development of others.

Although every man's it

selectively uses

provides invitations to heroism, martyrdom,

bitter or zestful struggle. It encourages the

of the

among

man's particular external world presents significant mean-

ings, feelings, identities izes.

and

also in

some

circumstances.

Out

ment, he makes

his

life

respects

structure reflects the structure of society,

unique— a

of the possibilities

own

reflection of his specific self

and constraints given

choices and builds his

crucial factor in the formation

own

and

in his environ-

world.

The

and transformation of each

self

is

a

individual's

world.

To be

truly

of his self in

it

engaged with

his world, a

enriched, depleted and corrupted by into the world

man must

invest important parts

and, equally, he must take the world into his self and be it.

In countless ways he puts himself

and takes the world into himself. Adult development

the story of the evolving process of mutual interpenetration.

If

we

is

are to

Developmental Periods

understand

it

we must

how,

learn

the water and the water

is

in Miller's vivid imagery, the fish

49 in

is

in the fish.

Tasks and Periods in the Evolution of the life Structure

When we of our 40

used the concept of

men, we made

life

structure in writing the biographies

a remarkable discovery: the life structure evolves

through a relatively orderly sequence during the adult character of the sequence for the other

men whose

the same for

is

all

men

the

we examined.

biographies

The

years.

essential

in our study

It consists

and

of a series

periods and transitional (struc-

of alternating stable (structure-building)

ture-changing) periods. These periods shape the course of adult psychosocial^

development.

The primary task of man must make certain

every stable period

is

to build a life structure: a

key choices, form a structure around them, and

pursue his goals and values within this structure. stable in this sense difficulty. is

The

not necessarily to say that

is

task of

making major

often stressful indeed, and

Each

may

life

many

stable period has additional tasks of

and distinguish

two periods

in the life cycle are identical.

it

second childhood, though

developmental within

it.

A

is

kinds of change. its

A

(and other periods) are reactivated

issues of adolescence

stable period ordinarily lasts six or seven years, ten at the

basis for stability

and

No

resembles childhood in certain aspects, and

it

transitional period, as

structure

reflect its

not "merely" a second adolescence, though

most. For various reasons, internal and external, the

formed the

own which

They may have some common ways. Old age is not "merely"

elements but they also differ in essential

the Mid-life Transition

is

and without

from the other stable periods.

life

a

say that a period

tranquil

choices and building a structure

involve

place in the

cycle

To

it is

life

structure that has

comes into question and must be modified.

we have

seen, terminates the existing life

new

creates the possibility for a

one.

The primary

tasks of

every transitional period are to question and reappraise the existing structure, to explore various possibilities for

change

move toward commitment to the crucial a new life structure in the ensuing stable has other, distinctive tasks reflecting

in self

and world, and to

choices that form the basis for period.

its

Each

place in the

transitional period life

cycle.

These

periods ordinarily last four to five years.

Since the transitional periods play such a vital part in development, let

me

articulate their nature

more

fully.

A

transition

is

a bridge, or a

50

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

LIFE

boundary zone, between two

states

greater stability.

of

involves

It

a

process of change, a shift from one structure to another.

The

Mid-life Transition, for example,

two great

eras in the life cycle.

era of early adulthood.

When

As it

boundary zone between

the person

primarily in the

is

ends, middle adulthood

way. During the Mid-life Transition

"on the boundary": he

a

is

it starts,

however, the person

itself,

under

fully

is

truly

is

both in early adulthood and in middle adult-

is

hood. This transition separates the two the next can begin. It serves also to

enabling one to end so that

eras,

connect them, bringing about

inter-

change so that the past can be drawn upon and used selectively in building is an intrinsic part of both eras and can be understood

for the future. It

only from the conjoint perspective of both. Similarly, the Age Thirty Transition initiating a

A

is

a

new

means

is

adult

life

structure

an ending, a process of separation or

cases the separation in a

is

complete:

we

my

life.

In

some

terminate a casual relationship, job,

I

I

and of

shall see.

loss.

group or community, ownership of a house or

they pass entirely out of rarely think

first

structure for completing early adulthood, as

termination

membership

of terminating the

book— and

have no further contact with them,

about them, and only the most limited residue of their

I

exis-

tence remains within me.

When

the relationship with an object (person, group, setting, thing,

symbol) has great meaning for me, however, termination does not mean a complete ending of the relationship.

The

changed and changing form. The most

relationship continues but in a

clear-cut

and dramatic separations

of this kind involve total loss of a significant object:

someone

love dies;

I

move to new locale and leave a world behind. I experience a profound loss and must come to terms with painful feelings of abandonment, grief and rage. a quarrel leads to

permanent parting from

a friend or mentor;

I

a

Over time the

lost object

is

continues to evolve within

more

my

self

fully internalized

and

my

life.

relationship are ended, but other aspects continue ated.

I

have lost the external object but

I

and the relationship

Important aspects of the

and new ones are

cre-

maintain the relationship with

the now-internal object.

The

separation

is

often partial rather than total.

some contact with the person or group, but

I

continue to have

a major change occurs in the

nature of the relationship: a romantic love relationship becomes a modest friendship; an intense mentoring relationship

sociation in work; a marriage ends in divorce in

new

becomes

a

more

casual as-

and the relationship goes on

forms, such as friendly co-parenting or continuing hostility and

recrimination.

The

relationship

modified or transformed

if

it

is

comes to

a turning point

to continue.

A

and must be

transitional period

quired to terminate the past and start the future.

is

re-

Developmental Periods

A

good example

is

51

the young adult in the process of separating from

parents. His developmental task

not to end the relationship altogether;

is

Rather, he has to reject certain aspects (for instance, those in which he is

the submissive or defiant child relating to all-controlling parents), to

sustain other aspects,

between

and

new

to build in

distinctive individuals

who have

qualities

such as mutual respect

separate as well as shared inter-

Neither the young adult nor his parents find this an easy

ests.

task.

As students of childhood development have shown, the processes of separation and individuation are closely linked. Drastic change and loss

may be damaging, but under

reasonably supportive conditions the process

of separation leads to enrichment, differentiation self.

This

The life:

is

as true of

adulthood

as of

and development of the

childhood.

task of a developmental transition

is

to terminate a time in one's

to accept the losses the termination entails; to review

and evaluate

the past; to decide which aspects of the past to keep and which to

and to consider one's wishes and

pended between past and separates them.

Much

cut out of one's

And

there

is

life,

much

future,

possibilities for the future.

and struggling

to

One

reject;

sus-

is

overcome the gap that

from the past must be given up—separated from, rejected in anger, renounced in sadness or grief.

that can be used as a basis for the future.

must be attempted in both self and world. These tasks produce features common

to

transitions.

all

Changes

They

are

frequently times of crisis— of profound inner conflict, of feeling "in a state of

a talk I,

I is

suspended animation"

as

one of our

on the Mid-life Transition, a young

am

at age 31,

having

many

men

man

put

it.

asked me,

After hearing

"How

is it

of the experiences you ascribe to age

in a precocious Mid-life Transition?"

The answer

is,

of course, no:

going through a different transition appropriate to his place in the

cycle,

but

it

is

one that has many

transitions such as those at mid-life

Along with the life issues

The Age

common

qualities in

and

features,

are specific to each period

that

41—am

common

he life

with the other

at puberty.

certain developmental tasks

and give

Thirty Transition, for example,

is

it

its

and

distinctive character.

strongly colored by the im-

minence of Settling Down and the need to form a life structure through which one's youthful dreams and values can be realized. The Mid-life Transition brings of a

more

polarities.

new concerns with the

loss of

senior position in one's world,

youth, the assumption

and the reworking of inner

Some preoccupation with death— fearing it, being drawn to it, uncommon in all transitions, since the process

seeking to transcend it— is not

and rebirth. But the meanings of death and the kinds of developmental work to be done differ

of termination-initiation evokes the imagery of death

greatly

from one transition to another.

THE SEASONS OF A

52

As

a transition

give these choices

MAN

comes to an end,

The

choices

of the next period.

done— all

When

decide, 'This

man must make

his choices

and

will settle for,"

I

the

all

the struggles to improve

to explore alternative possibilities of living, to

more to terms with the self— a

He must

to start building a life

mark the beginning

the past several years are

work or marriage,

bets.

time to make crucial choices, to

the major product of the transition.

are, in a sense,

efforts of

one's

it is

meaning and commitment, and

structure around them.

They

LIFE

S

come

and place

his

start creating a life

structure that will serve as a vehicle for the next step in the journey.

A man may his life. it

work

barks

He

choose to reaffirm the commitment to an existing part of

decides to remain in the marriage with the intention of

He

better.

upon such

gives

up

a serious extramarital relationship— or

a relationship in the

hope that

making he em-

this will enrich his life

while allowing the marriage and family to continue. Likewise, he

may

choose to remain in his present job rather than make a more drastic change entailing greater risks

he if

will

make

the job

The ment.

and discontinuity.

significant

title

improvements

work even

remains the same.

decision to stay put

is

may stem more from

It

an active reaffirmation,

If this is

in the character of the

not always based on a reaffirmed commitresignation, inertia, passive acquiescence or

controlled despair— a self-restriction in the context of severe external constraints.

This kind of surface

new

decline unless

stability

marks the beginning of

intervene

factors

him to form a more made in a transitional

period) and enable

The

choices

or drastic change in

life structure.

his job or occupation,

pursuits that modify

make

satisfactory life structure.

period usually lead to moderate

A man may

his

life.

A

choice

event that takes only a few days or weeks.

bedded within several years.

a process of

divorce, remarry, change

move,

a geographical

and enrich

The

work on

A

a

transition a

number

when

man must

new

avocational

often marked by an

event

is,

however, em-

is

the most conspicuous

many

other changes. In

de-structure his existing

of basic developmental tasks,

transitional period

start is

change that ordinarily extends over a span of

Thus, a divorce or a job change

event within a complex transition that contains

making the

a long-term

(perhaps in the next transitional

life

and restructure

comes to an end not when

a

pattern,

new

life.

a particular event

the tasks of questioning and exploring have lost their urgency,

when when a

man makes

tasks of

occurs or

a sequence

his crucial

building, living within

We

is

completed

in

one aspect of

life. It

ends

commitments and is ready to start on the and enhancing a new life structure.

did not begin this study with preformed hypotheses about de-

velopmental periods unfolding in an age-linked sequence.

We

were

as

Developmental Periods

The

surprised as everyone else by these discoveries.

may be summarized

to age

quent age

at

findings with regard

There

briefly as follows.

which each period begins. There

53

most

a single,

is

fre-

a range of variation, usu-

is

about two years above and below the average. Thus, the Age Thirty

ally

Transition most often starts at age 28, the range being 26 to 29.

The

next

Down, usually starts at 33— and never before 30 or after The four occupational groups in our study showed only minor differences in the age at which every period began and ended. More

period, Settling 34, in

our sample.

specific data

on age

be presented

will

on the successive

in the chapters

periods.

The developmental tasks are crucial to the evolution of the periods. The specific character of a period derives from the nature of its tasks. A period begins when its major tasks become predominant in a man's life. A period ends when its tasks lose their primacy and new tasks emerge to initiate a new period. The orderly progression of periods stems from the recurrent change in tasks. The most fundamental tasks of a stable period are to make firm choices, rebuild the life structure and enhance one's life within

it.

Those

of a transitional period are to question

new

the existing structure, to search for

and reappraise and world,

possibilities in self

and to modify the present structure enough so that a new one can be formed. Implicit in the concept of task well or poorly.

not

When

a task

how

difficult to evaluate

work on the developmental it

is

is

the idea that

rather specific

well

tasks

carried out it

is

usually

has been performed. Evaluation of

it

much more

is

may be

it

and concrete,

difficult.

In

some

cases

seems clear that the tasks of a period have been met very poorly or very

well,

but in most cases the picture

based on a few tasks

and processes

is

mixed.

The

assessment cannot be

important to understand the developmental

criteria. It is

in their full complexity,

and oversimplified evaluations

as to

how

and to avoid making premature

well the tasks have been handled.

We have made a small start, however, toward dealing with the problem much

of evaluation. Since the developmental tasks have so building, modifying

and rebuilding the

to define

and evaluate the

period, a

man

During a

ate) the current structure

one.

What

it

"satisfactoriness" of a structure.

transitional period,

and

to

he

move toward

a

to

own

Broadly speaking, a viable in society

life

and

do with

becomes important During a

some sense be

tries to

stable satis-

reappraise (evalu-

new and more

satisfactory

meanings does "satisfactory" have for him, and how

use this term for our

is

structure,

build a structure that will in

tries to

factory for him.

life

shall

we

purposes? structure

is

satisfactory to the extent that

suitable for the seli.

The

it

perspectives of both

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

54

and

society

self are

LIFE

S

structure

man

a

it,

and to receive

various roles

A

needed here.

works in the world. Within

out crucially important aspects of his

live

ture

may be

tory":

rewards the

though

man's

in the world. Often, a

On

it

man had hoped

and

for,

him

does not permit

is

structure

may be exhim to

the other hand, a struc-

dreams and values, and yet not structure

life

works pretty well in the world, though

it.

it

does not allow

if it

self.

suitable in terms of his inner

be workable

A

sufficient rewards.

and yet not internally suitable

ternally viable

viable to the extent that

is

able to adapt, to maintain his

is

is

"fairly satisfac-

does not bring

it

all

moderately suitable for the

to live out

the self,

some important wishes and

values.

Every self,

and

The

for society.

strengths are also sources of weakness

never

and

of a piece. It contains

all

and

structure provides diverse gains

life

for others

diversity, integration

by basic changes

and take

some mixture

man

him-

its

great

and

structure

always flawed in

It is

is

disorder, unity

some

and gaps which can be modified only

in the structure itself.

painful consequences, but they

A

their toll.

of order

and fragmentation.

respects. It contains contradictions

costs for the

elements that constitute

may

The

contradictions often have

also enrich the process of living

and

provide an intrinsic basis for change and development.

No and

its

matter

how

satisfactory a structure

is,

in

time

its

utility declines

flaws generate conflict that leads to modification or transformation

of the structure. It

seeds of

its

own

is

as

.Marx

transitional period.

The

said: every

The

destruction.

system contains within

itself

once-stable structure passes into a

the

new

seasons change. Developmental tasks are under-

taken anew, and the lessons of growth are gathered and stockpiled against

the

new

period coming.

A period

is

The

pattern of adult development continues.

defined in terms of

its

developmental

tasks. It

in terms of concrete events such as marriage or retirement.

gators have searched for significant events that for

lems in adult

life. It is

in terms of tasks

then use

this

more

it

investi-

as signposts

fruitful in generating

has contributed to the study of prob-

fruitful, I believe, to

and periods

not defined

Many

might serve

developmental periods. This search has not been

a developmental theory, though

is

conceive of development

in the evolution of life structure.

We

can

developmental perspective in understanding the significance

of particular events.

Our

lives are

punctuated by events such

as marriage, divorce, illness,

the birth or death of loved ones, unexpected trauma or good fortune,

advancement or

failure in

work, retirement, war, flourishing times and

We

use the term marker event to identify an oc-

"rock bottom'' times.

casion of this kind, which has a notable impact

upon

a person's

life.

Marker

Developmental Periods

55

events are usually considered in terms of the adaptation they require.

They change way.

The

man's

a

and he must cope with them

situation

life

further changes

in

some

and personality are

in his relationships, roles

then understood as part of his adaptation to the new situation.

we

Yet,

need to regard marker events from the viewpoint of devel-

also

opment. They can occur

and do not

at various ages

the start or end of a period. However, the age at is

important.

upon

partly

The

marker event for an individual depends

significance of a

place in the sequence of developmental periods.

its

Getting married, for example, ever his age and circumstances.

where

marker event

a

is

makes

It

in the evolution of the periods

his current

developmental

arating from parents

He

tasks.

and forming an

more independent and

man

occurs. If a

what-

marries at the

he

"adult," but

adult identity.

also feels

development

is

The

qualities

result, often,

he had consciously rejected and

is

is

a protective-caring-

fails

may

perpetuate the

that he retains the childish to attain a

adult identity. There are similar hazards for the

each partner

wants to be

hazard of marrying at this point

that the marital relationship

struggles with his parents.

He

unprepared for adult

and tends to seek a dependent relationship with

The

be highly colored

will

engaged in the process of sep-

is

initial

controlling figure other than a parent. in his

life,

a great difference, however, just

it

marry and the character of the marital relationship

life

man's

in a

the Early Adult Transition, say at age 18 or 19, the decision to

start of

by

in themselves cause

which an event occurs

woman

more genuinely

at this time,

and

implicated in the other's developmental struggles.

Likewise, a marital relationship that takes shape early in the period of Entering the

Adult World, say

at

age 23 or 24, will reflect the develop-

mental tasks of that time: to explore the

and

to

and

is

tries to

form a provisional

life structure.

possibilities of

The

the adult world

choice of a mate influences,

influenced by, the overall character of that structure.

One man

build a structure in which he can pursue his special dream or vision;

he marries a

woman who

journey toward

its

shares that

realization.

build a structure that

is

At some

justification, for

Another man betrays

more acceptable

inner sense, he marries a servatism.

dream and wants

later

woman who time he

her part in leading

his

to parents or

will value

to join

him on the

dream: seeking to is

"safer" in

and support

some

this con-

may blame her, with much or little him away from his dream. The mean-

ing and further vicissitudes of the marital relationship will be markedly different in the If

two

cases.

The

variations are endless.

the marriage occurs at the start of a period,

process

is

just getting

under way, the

ship will be intimately

when the developmental

early character of the marital relation-

bound up with the

struggles of entering a

new

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

56

period. In contrast, a marriage occurring toward the likely to

new

period and an indication that a In

many

cases,

effort or choice,

as war,

end of

be a culmination or outcome of the developmental the marker event

but

is

period is

is

is

emerging.

not the result of a man's voluntary

beyond

a result of circumstances

economic depression and the

a period

efforts of that

his control (such

death of others). His cur-

illness or

rent developmental period does not influence the timing of this event,

but

it

does shape his adaptation to

sequent

it

and the influence

it

has on his sub-

life.

Preview of the Periods in Adult Development The sequence to 22),

which

of periods begins with the Early Adult Transition (age 17 links adolescence

and

early adulthood. It

about 22 to 28; the primary task of life structure.

This structure

is

followed by a

is

World, which

structure-building period, Entering the Adult

this period

is

to create a

lasts

from

first

adult

modified in the Age Thirty Transition.

Down

period (33 to 40), a man builds a second structure and reaches the culmination of early adulthood. The Mid-life Tran-

During the Settling

from about 40 to 45, links early and middle adulthood. It is followed by a more stable period, during the middle and late forties, when sition,

man builds a first life structure for middle adulthood. The sequence of periods is pictured on page 57. In later chapters each period will be explored in detail. Here we shall briefly preview the

a

periods and give an initial picture of their tasks and developmental se-

quence.

The Early Adult Transition: Moving from Pre- to Early Adulthood The two

Early Adult Transition begins at age 17 and ends at 22, give or take years. Its

adulthood.

twin tasks are to terminate pre-adulthood and to begin early

The

first

task

is

to start

to question the nature of that world

moving out

of the pre-adult world:

and one's place

in

it;

to

modify or

terminate existing relationships with important persons, groups and tutions; to reappraise

and modify the

of separation, ending

and transformation must be made

an entire season of

The second to explore

its

self that

formed

in

it.

as

insti-

Various kinds

one completes

life.

task

is

to

make

possibilities, to

a preliminary step into the adult world:

imagine oneself

consolidate an initial adult identity, to

as a participant in

make and

test

it,

to

some preliminary

Developmental Periods

DEVELOPMENTAL PERIODS IN EARLY AND MIDDLE ADULTHOOD

57

(Late Adulthood)

65

LATE ADULT TRANSITION Culmination of

Middle Adulthood

55

Age 50 Transition Middle Adulthood

5° Entering

Middle Adulthood 45

MID-LIFE TRANSITION

40Settling

Down

33

Age 30

Transition

Early

28Entering the Adult

Adulthood

World

EARLY ADULT TRANSITION *7

(Childhood and Adolescence)

choices for adult living. In this period a young

man

is

on the boundary

between adolescence and adulthood. The transition ends when he gets

beyond the boundary and begins to create

The

First

a life within the adult world.

Adult Life Structure: Entering the Adult World

This period extends from about 22 to 28.

Its chief task is

provisional structure that provides a workable link self

and the adult

of his

life;

society.

no longer

novice adult with a

A

young man must

home

own.

between the valued

shift the center of gravity

a child in his family of origin,

base of his

to fashion a

he must become a

He makes and

tests a variety

of initial choices regarding occupation, love relationships (usually includ-

ing marriage and family), peer relationships, values and

The young man

life style.

has two primary yet antithetical tasks: (a)

He

needs

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

58

to explore the possibilities for adult living: to keep his options open, avoid

commitments and maximize the alternatives. This task is reflected sense of adventure and wonderment, a wish to seek out all the trea-

strong in a

new world he

sures of the

create a stable

my

thing of

and

life

Each

life."

(b)

entering,

is

structure:

become more

task has sources

The

contrasting task

and supports

to

is

and "make some-

responsible

in the external

world

in the self.

Finding a balance between these tasks first

predominates,

life

is

not an easy matter.

the

If

has an extremely transient, rootless quality.

the second predominates, there

is

the danger of committing oneself pre-

maturely to a structure, without sufficient exploration of alternatives. is

If

It

an exciting yet often confusing and painful process to explore the new

adult world and, at the

There

same time,

to try building a stable life within

usually moderate or great discontinuity

is

man grew up and

world in which a

it.

between the pre-adult

the adult world in which he forms his

structure.

first life

The Age

Thirty Transition: Changing the First Life Structure

This transition, which extends from roughly 28 to

work on the

tunity to

and to create the

flaws

and limitations of the

basis for a

more

33,

provides an opporadult

life

structure,

satisfactory structure with

which to

first

complete the era of early adulthood. At about 28 the provisional quality of the twenties real."

A

ending and

is

voice within the self says: "If

are things in

is

differ in

a start, for

soon

at the beginning.

Some men have

overt disruption or sense of

for

stressful

man

to

change

my

more

it

will

be too

smooth

They modify

crisis.

want

I

to

late." life

structure

Age Thirty Transition than

a rather

"for

life— if there

transition,

their lives

in

it

was

without certain

but they build directly upon the past and do not make funda-

mental changes.

But

am

the kinds of changes they make, but the

always different at the end of the

respects,

I

serious,

want to modify or exclude, or things missing

it I

add— I must now make

Men

becoming more

life is

It

a time of reform, not revolution.

is

most men, our study

form, the age thirty

crisis.

reveals,

A

this

transition

developmental

crisis

takes a

occurs

more

when

a

has great difficulty with the developmental tasks of a period; he finds

his present life structure intolerable, yet

one. In a severe

crisis

chaos and dissolution, the crisis is

very

These

common

first

seems unable to form a better

he experiences a threat to loss of

hope

life itself,

for the future.

A

the danger of

moderate or severe

during this period.

three periods— the Early Adult Transition, Entering the

Developmental Periods

Adult World and the Age Thirty Transition— generally years,

last

59

about fifteen

until 32 or 33. Together, they constitute the

from age 17 or 18

preparatory, "novice" phase of early adulthood.

The a If

one of the

is

man may make

crucial steps in adult

start of

development. At

may

important new choices, or he

reaffirm old choices.

they provide the basis for a relatively satisfactory

the choices are poorly

will

pay a heavy price in

contradictions and

must

The Second Adult The second sition

and

life

made and

time be changed.

in

Down

Life Structure: Settling

end of the Age Thirty Tran-

structure takes shape at the

about age 40. This structure

persists until

life structure.

new structure seriously flawed, he next period. Even the best structure has its the the

A man

the culmination of early adulthood.

is

the vehicle for

seeks to invest himself in the

major components of the structure (work, family, friendships,

community— whatever aspirations

and

most

is

making

man

become

term "making

it"

He

has two major tasks: (a)

more

a valued

member

firmly,

broadly to include

tries to establish

develop competence in

He

of a valued world, (b)

striving to advance, to progress

it:

leisure,

to realize his youthful

,

goals.

In this period a

a chosen craft,

him ) and

central to

a niche in society: to anchor his life

at

the

time

this

these choices are congruent with his dreams, talents and external pos-

sibilities,

If

from the end of the Age Thirty Transition to the

shift

next period

on

all efforts

a timetable.

I

works

use the

to build a better life for

oneself and to be affirmed by the tribe.

Until the early

He

the young

thirties,

has been forming an adult

life

man

has been a "novice" adult.

and working toward

place in adult society. His task in the Settling a full-fledged adult within his a direction in Sartre has start or

it

which to

termed

may

period.

By

strive, a

The

world.

He

Down

more

period

to

become

sense of the future, a "project" as Jean-Paul

enterprise

of the ladder

is

established

defines a personal enterprise,

may be

is

from the

precisely defined

take shape only gradually over the course of

The imagery It reflects

it.

own

a

central to the Settling

th.'s

Down

period.

enterprise.

the interest in advancement and affirmation so central to this "ladder"

in social rank,

we

refer to all

dimensions of advancement— increases

income, power, fame,

creativity, quality of family life, social

contribution— as these are important for the

man and

ladder has both objective and subjective aspects: of the external social world, but

own meanings and

strivings.

it is

it

his world.

reflects

the

The

realities

defined by the person in terms of his

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

60

At the and

start of this period, a

man

entering a world in which he

is

on the bottom rung of

is

a junior

is

his ladder

member. His aims

are to

advance in the enterprise, to climb the ladder and become a senior

mem-

ber in that world. His sense of well-being during this period depends

on

strongly

his

own and

others' evaluation of his progress

toward these

goals.

At the end there

is

of the Settling

a distinctive phase that

major developmental tasks of Settling

Down

Down we

this

Becoming One's

Own Man. The

phase are to accomplish the goals of the

become

enterprise, to

speak more strongly with one's

from about age 36 to 40,

period,

call

own

a senior

member

in one's world, to

and to have

voice,

measure

a greater

of authority.

This

is

a fateful

time in a man's

life.

Attaining seniority and approacha

man

(not just a person, but a male adult). Although his progress brings

new

ing the top rung of his ladder are signs to

rewards, It

it

burden of greater

also carries the

means that he must

an internal figure

who

give is

him

that he

becoming

is

responsibilities

up even more of the

little

and

pressures.

boy within himself—

never completely outgrown, and certainly not in

early adulthood.

The

Mid-life Transition:

The

late thirties

Moving from

mark the culmination

Early to Middle Adulthood

of early adulthood.

The

Mid-life

Transition, which lasts from roughly age 40 to 45, provides a bridge from early to middle adulthood. It brings a new set of developmental tasks.

The ask:

to

my

truly

structure again

life

"What have

I

comes into question.

done with

my

life?

wife, children, friends, work,

want

for myself

and others?"

actual desires, values,, talents

What

do

It

becomes important

I really

community— and

A man

get from

self?

yearns for a

What

life in

to

and give is

which

it

I

his

and aspirations can be expressed.

Some men do very little questioning or searching during the Mid-life Transition. They are apparently untroubled by difficult questions regarding the meaning, value and direction of their lives. Other men realize that the character of their one.

They

are in a

great majority of

lives is

changing, but the process

manageable

men

this

is

transition,

one without

crisis.

They question

We

crisis.

But

is

a time of

nearly every aspect of their lives

that they cannot go on as before.

new path

not a painful for the

a period of great struggle within the self

with the external world. Their Mid-life Transition or severe

is

They

will

and

moderate

and

feel

need several years to form a

or to modify the old one.

need developmental transitions

in

adulthood partly because no

Developmental Periods

life

structure can permit the living out of

a life structure

must make choices and

I

involves the rejection of a structure, its

I

try over a

many

a transition

self.

To

Every choice

create

make

I

other possibilities. Committing myself to

span of time to enhance

potential, to bear the responsibilities

During

aspects of the

all

set priorities.

61

period—and

and

my

life

within

to realize

it,

tolerate the costs

especially in the Mid-life

entails.

it

Transition— the

neglected parts of the self more urgently seek expression and stimulate

the modification of the existing structure.

Entering Middle Adulthood: Building a

New

Life Structure

The tasks of the Mid-life Transition must be given up by about age 45. A man has had his allotted time for reappraising, exploring, testing choices and creating the basis for a new life. The opportunity to question and search

point

present throughout middle adulthood and beyond, but at this

is

new

The end the next, It

life

he must make

his choices

and begin

structure.

of the Mid-life Transition, like

marked by

is

may be

Now

tasks predominate.

forming a new

a series of changes rather

evident only as a

man

from one period to

all shifts

than one dramatic event.

looks back a few years later that he was

committing himself to the choices around which a new

in fact

life struc-

ture took shape.

In

some

change

lives

the shift

death of a loved one, a spicuous change: closely,

signaled by a crucial marker

is

event— a

drastic

in job or occupation, a divorce or love affair, a serious illness, the

however,

life at

we

siderable difference.

move

to a

new

45 seems to be

just as

discover seemingly

A man may

still

locale. it

Other was

show no conIf we look more

lives

at 39.

minor changes that make

a con-

be married to the same woman, but

the character of his familial relationships has changed appreciably for better or worse.

marking time

Or

the nature of his work

until retirement; his

miliating; or seemingly small changes in his

work

life

more

satisfying

and

life

has altered: he

is

quietly

work has become oppressive and hu-

creative.

A

mode man's

of life

work have made structure,

his

we have

found, necessarily changes in certain crucial respects during the course of his Mid-life Transition.

The its

life

structure that emerges in the middle forties varies greatly in

satisfactoriness, that

the world.

is,

its

Some men have

or early adulthood,

suitability for the self

and

its

workability in

suffered such irreparable defeats in childhood

and have been so

little

able to

their Mid-life Transition, that they lack the inner

creating a minimally adequate structure.

They

work on the

tasks of

and outer resources

for

face a middle adulthood

62

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

and

of constriction

decline.

Other

men form

a life structure that

ably viable in the world but poorly connected to the

do

their bit for themselves

excitement and meaning. that will have

its

own

middle adulthood

is

and

Still

is

reason-

Although they

self.

others, their lives are lacking in inner

other

men have and

special satisfactions

middle adulthood

started a

fulfillments.

For these men,

often the fullest and most creative season in the

life

They are less tyrannized by the ambitions, passions and illusions of youth. They can be more deeply attached to others and yet more separate, more centered in the self. For them, the season passes in its best and most cycle.

satisfying

rhythm.

The Subsequent By

Periods in Middle Adulthood

his late forties, a

adulthood.

beyond

Where

man

has formed an

initial life structure for

does he go from here? Although

this age, there

is

we

middle

did not study

men

evidence that the sequence of stable and tran-

The developmental

sitional periods continues over the entire life cycle.

process of growth, decline and change continues. Here

is

a tentative view

of the subsequent periods in middle adulthood.

There 50 to 55.

an Age Fifty Transition, which normally

is

The

those of the

Age Thirty Transition

work further on the life

structure

who changed

lasts

from about age

functions of this period in middle adulthood are similar to

formed too

in early adulthood. In

tasks of the Mid-life Transition in. the mid-forties. It

little in

our opinion,

middle adulthood without having

Age

it is

at least a

a

man

a time of crisis for

their Mid-life Transition

satisfactory life structure. In

Mid-life Transition or the

may be

it,

can

and can modify the

and then

built

men

an un-

not possible to get through

moderate

crisis in

either the

Fifty Transition.

From

roughly age 55 to 60, a stable period is devoted to building a second middle adult structure, which provides a vehicle for completing

middle adulthood. For enrich their

This period

lives, is

are able to rejuvenate their selves fifties

analogous to Settling

from about 60 to

hood and

men who

the decade of the

65, the Late

Down

in early adulthood. Finally,

Adult Transition terminates middle adult-

creates a basis for starting late adulthood.

transition are to conclude the efforts of

oneself for the era to come.

and

can be a time of great fulfillment.

It is

The

tasks of this

middle adulthood and to prepare

a period of significant

development and

represents a major turning point in the life cycle.

In every cross-era transition a

new

is born and takes its initial on the future, but they never Each new period makes its essential contribution to

season

shape. These transitions have a great effect tell

the whole story.

Developmental Periods the

life

course. In every period

we

suffer because of the

63

undone develop-

mental work of previous periods— for ultimately these chickens do come

home

to roost— but

we

also

opmental work and to create a

have an opportunity to do further devellife

more

suitable to the self.

Four

3

Men

As immediately observed and experienced, every and

orderly

similarities. lives are

The

variegated.

Yet the basic

differences are far

thesis of this

if

is

more marked than the

that even the

most disparate

governed by the same underlying order— a sequence of eras and

developmental periods. This order

must be

book

idiosyncratic, dis-

life is

from

inferred

is

often not immediately evident. It

a truly staggering array of biographical data.

our developmental theory of adulthood has any validity— and

convinced that

it

does— it

will enable us to find

And

individual life course.

do

will

it

this

I

But

am

shape and meaning in any

without reducing the raw ma-

terial—the wonderfully various details of each single human's existence— to a simple set of categories or prescriptions for normality.

This study its

is

biographical in

subject matter.

it is

We

its

theoretical approach,

are concerned above

Thus

lived over the years.

it is

all

appropriate that

of actual biographies in reporting our findings.

we

the kind of material from which

method and

its

with the individual

The

life as

we should make

use

biographies illustrate

derived our ideas and the extraor-

dinary applicability of these ideas over a wide range of personalities and social conditions. In passing,

But the raphies

lives of fall

four

men

we

will

somewhere between

will refer to

be dealt with

many in

a long vignette

some

and

In these biographies, as in the book generally,

the adult portion of the

life

course.

internal psychological processes, social,

world, to

evolving

life.

show how

We certainly

all

We

detail.

Their biog-

a short book.

we

focus primarily on

enough about

a man's

his external circumstances

and

these are interwoven in the fabric of his

do not claim that the biographical sketches are

complete portraits of our subjects. In for

try to say

and about

of our forty subjects.

more extended biographies and

for

fact,

they point to the need both

methods of writing

brief biographies

that will be useful in studying particular facets of adult development.

The

four

men

represent each of the four occupational

utives, workers, biologists size,

even though

this

and novelists— in our study.

may sound

contradictory, that

I

groups— exec-

want

to

we do not

empharegard

Men

65

occupations in any specific sense.

No

Four

them

as "representative" of their

one man can even those

men had

exemplify the abundant variety in the

fully

who

share the

same kind of work with him. Each

"special" in certain respects, but then every

is

own form

his

lives of others,

of these four

one of the

men

forty

of specialness.

men would be reported in detail here, we used man had to be over 42 at the time of interviewing,

In deciding which four several criteria. First, a

so that his reported life

the study. Second,

would extend

we wanted

four

across

most of the span covered by

men who had been

interviewed by four

members active on the project (some staff members had moved elsewhere). These two criteria narrowed the pool to about a dozen men. In selecting four men from this poolof our research

different

team currently

given the requirement of one executive, one worker, one biologist and one

novelist— we tried to maximize the diversity of the group in terms of social

We

man

origins

and

he was

interesting or dull, neurotic or well-adjusted, a success or a failure,

life

course.

talkative or reticent.

same degree

The

The men

as did the

four

did not choose one

sample

varied in these respects to just about the

as a

whole.

men who emerged from

this selection process are

from one another. Considering them

different

cult to see

any

common

separately,

developmental pattern in their

differed widely in personality, in current state of stances,

to

and

you now,

Our

first

study,

is

total of

in the

over another because

sequence of events in their

it is

life histories.

mind and lives.

remarkably at first diffi-

We

They

external circum-

introduce

them

in the order of their appearance.

man a

is Jim Tracy (the name, like those of all the others in our pseudonym), a business executive. He was interviewed for a

about 12 hours by Edward Klein during the

fall

of 1968

and

the spring of 1969, with a follow-up interview in 1971. In 1969 Tracy was 44, a vice president

and general manager of the Firearms Division of the

Ajax Corporation, with authority over several thousand employees in Hartford and two Midwestern plants.

A

strong, trim

man

with a

full

head of salt-and-pepper hair cut

Tracy presented himself to the interviewer

much

in the world,

and was proud of

it.

man who had

as a

For most of

extremely active a navy officer

man who

was strongly work-oriented, an

could look back with satisfaction on his career as

and then an executive. Yet

Tracy was going through career

He

he sustained men, the model

his life,

a central self-image: Jim Tracy the responsible leader of

hero in the military-industrial world.

close,

achieved

a major,

seemed to have peaked.

A

and

at the

time of the interviews

difficult, reappraisal.

few years

earlier

His business

he had ended a long but

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

66

unhappy

marriage; his second marriage, after a very

first

happy beginning,

was looking problematical. In subsequent chapters

we

will

examine Tracy's whole

showing how the developmental forces— the sequence of helped to shape

it.

Chapter 7

Chapter

step by step,

and periods-

him through the first three periods his Age Thirty Transition.

will take

of early adulthood, until age 34

life

eras

and the end of

Down period, from age 34 on Tracy's Mid-life Transition and

11 will cover his life in the Settling

to 41, while Chapter 19 concentrates

middle adulthood— the troubled time he was

his entry into

living

through

when we talked with him. William Paulsen was 44 and an hourly worker

at

United Electronics

when Braxton McKee interviewed him in 1969. McKee spent about eight hours with him in that year, plus a separate interview with Paulsen's wife, Ruth. Two years later McKee and Paulsen met again for a single interview, and they talked

Born and forties

briefly a

few years after that.

raised in a working-class family in Brooklyn, Paulsen in his

was a lean, wiry man, quick in

careful in his

his

movements, neat

manner. His hair was crew-cut and

mobile and expressive.

He

often smiled wryly,

in his dress,

his face deeply lined, reflecting,

McKee's

in

opinion, a certain cockiness. But this was belied by his eyes, which were sad,

and by the

struck

McKee

Paulsen's

as

stories

he told about

his life.

These

stories

frequently

an attempt to impress the other person and to bolster

somewhat shaky

self-esteem.

One theme

strongly. In order to feel better about himself

stood out particularly

he consistently deluded

himself about the real nature of a given situation and his place in

and again throughout

his adult life

it.

Again

he had taken on more than he could

manage. In the preceding five years Paulsen had changed jobs several times,

Each new job had kindled his hopes of being promoted, at last, into middle management. Now, at 43 and 44, he had begun to confront his illusions and to acknowledge his limitations for what they were. He was reconciling himself to the prospect of a job that offered security and modest income, but little in the way of satisfaction and room for advancement. It seemed possible that Paulsen would not attain even this limited goal. Yet it was also clear, from the study of his entire biography, that certain flaws and failures at specific developmental stages— difficulties having their sources in him and in his external circumstances— had contributed to his present plight. Contending with his plight was again a matter of understanding and dealing with going through a

series of failures

developmental problems.

and

fresh starts.

Men

Four

we

In Chapter 8

examine Paulsen's

will

32— the

detail to age

life in

end of the Age Thirty Transition and the novice phase Chapter 18 will complete his history, to the late forties.

67

of early adulthood.

Writing has been a central dream for Paul Namson, yet one that regularly

and

into conflict with other occupational choices

fell

this sense

respects

he was

like

A

he was not.

lionaire in his thirties, full of satisfactions

most

novelists in our sample.

in

some other

successful financier in his twenties, actually a mil-

Namson had

a complex, exciting

and troubling

life,

and disappointments.

Namson had

Interviewed by Charlotte Darrow in 1969,

been out of the family brokerage firm for his

demands. In

social

But

dream of being

six years,

and was going through

a novelist

then, at 43,

was trying to a mid-life

realize

crisis.

In

modest critical success as a novelist, he was having difficulty moving forward. A follow-up interview, fifteen months later, when he was spite of his

44,

found him resolving the divisions of

ments

as a writer,

husband and

father.

his life

and forming new commit-

His wife, Sarah, was also interviewed

at this time.

Namson was an

intense, gentle

manner and evident

tive

ence

in trying to analyze feelings

to speak analytically first

40

years,

tall

and

when he

and motives

slight,

with an introspec-

described his

Settling

own

in fictional terms,

life.

with the main emphasis on the

(the Age Thirty Transition, Man), in Chapter 12. His life

Our

man,

intelligence. Perhaps because of his

Down

in the forties will

We shall last

tell

of

effective teacher

interviewed him, he was just turning 44.

I

He

man

also talked with his wife,

Ann.

when he was

a sense of strength, controlled energy

and blunt. Barnes had the poise and

for personal privacy,

ting his aristocratic trees or

farmer.

a

I first

eagerness to get things done. His speech could be pedantic, but plain

as

When

and administrator.

with clean-cut features and the build of an

manner conveyed

athlete. His

Columbia

was known

Follow-up interviews took place when he was 46, and again 50. The analysis of his life was done by Maria Levinson. Barnes was a calm

Own

be described in Chapter 18.

fourth man, John Barnes, was a professor of biology at

man, an

Namson's

12 years of that span

and Becoming One's

University and had an international reputation. forceful, articulate

experi-

he tended

and the

elitist

it

pride, the self-control

and

was also

and care

attitude of social responsibility befit-

Yankee background. One could imagine him cutting New England

doing carpentry with the heavy deliberation of a

At

his test

he had more

when engaged

difficulty in dealing

in rational analysis of concrete issues,

with emotion and personal relationships.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

68

Yet, during a severe mid-life

crisis,

he conveyed

his personal experience

with great poignancy and richness.

At the time in his

No

life,

of our

first

interview, Barnes

in spite of his considerable

had reached a

serious impasse

achievements and public success.

longer a 'promising young man," he was faced with the need to accept

a wholly

new

pational role

He hoped

vision of himself.

to which he could devote the

was profoundly uncertain about what

The riage

signposts that

and family,

mark

scientific

off

this

to discover a significant occurest of his

working

life.

But he

might be.

the stages of John Barnes's life— first mar-

achievements, divorce and remarriage, promo-

upward through the academic hierarchy— may be viewed as purely exterior phenomena. But their meaning and timing are enormously sigtions

nificant

and can be seen to characterize a deeper pattern. In Chapter 17

we

examine

will

most

his life in

some

dramatic portion, the period

In the following chapters

we

detail,

we

paying particular attention to

call

its

the Mid-life Transition.

shall traverse the

sequence of developmental

periods. First, the Early Adult Transition, Entering the Adult

World and

the Age Thirty Transition, which comprise the novice phase of early adulthood (Chapters 5 to 8). Second, the period of Settling Down and Becdming One's Own Man, in which a man reaches the culmination of early

adulthood (Chapters 9 to 12). Finally, the Mid-life Transition and Entering Middle Adulthood, when he makes the shift from youth to middle age (Chapters 13 to 19).

The Novice Phase

JJ

of Early Adulthood

The Novice

3

The

Phase:

Early Adult Transition, Entering the Adult World

and the Age Thirty Transition The

process of entering into adulthood

has usually been imagined.

It

begins at

more lengthy and complex than around age 17 and continues until end). A young man needs about is

33 (plus or minus two years at either fifteen years to emerge from adolescence, find his place in adult society

and commit himself adulthood.

It is

to a

more

not, even in

its

stable

This time

life.

is

an

intrinsic part of

most chaotic or immature form,

adolescence." Unresolved adolescent problems

may make

it

a "delayed

more

difficult,

but the primary developmental tasks to be met are those of adulthood.

So important

is

developmental sequence that

this

name: the novice phase.

we have

given

it

a

composed of three distinct periods: the Early Adult Transition, Entering the Adult World, and the Age Thirty Transition. Each of these periods has its own tasks. Together they form a special

It is

single phase that serves a crucial developmental function: the process of

entry into adulthood;

The

novice phase begins with the Early Adult Transition (roughly age

17 to 22).

and

A

young man

early adulthood.

He

now on

is

is

the boundary between pre-adulthood

creating a basis for adult life without being fully

The second period, Entering the Adult World, lasts from about 22 to 28. His tasks now are to explore the possibilities of this world, to test some initial choices, and to build a first, provisional life structure. The within

it.

third period, the

ing the

initial

The Age is

Transition, provides an opportunity for revis-

and moving toward

something

needed

if

appreciably change?

is

second structure.

missing or wrong in one's

the future

questions deal with the

life

What

is

to

be worthwhile.

one has created: is

missing from

Thirty Transition the man's orientation

What

it? is

life

and that some

Initiajly

the main

must I give up or Toward the end of the Age more toward the futureparts

and making new choices or strengthening

new life direction commitment to choices already made. As the Age Thirty Transition ends

finding a

a

Thirty Transition frequently begins with a vague uneasiness,

a feeling that

change

Age Thirty

structure

(at

his

about 33), the preparatory phase

THE SEASONS OF A

72

must

MAN

himself to a

new

life

Down, but

it

now

is

structure through

The new

tion of early adulthood. Settling

LIFE

A man

be terminated.

also

S

a full-fledged adult, committing

which he

structure

will reach the culmina-

built in the next period,

is

has to be seen as the outcome and chief product of

the novice phase. This structure provides a groundwork for the effort to attain his youthful aspirations during the thirties.

The

novice phase thus extends from the onset of the Early Adult

Transition to the conclusion of the

sample

as a

completion years,

tion

32.7.

The

duration

average

with a range of 13 to

among

On

For our

Transition.

17.4, the average age of

is

the novice phase

of

There was again

18.

the occupational groups.

ended

Age Thirty

whole, the average age of onset

15.3

Age Thirty

Transi-

by the executives

at 32.4,

the average, the

at age 32.1 for the workers, followed

is

modest variation

a

the novelists at 32.8 and the biologists, 33.6.

The

primary, overriding task of the novice phase

oneself in the adult world

and to create a

in the

world and suitable for the

this in

the early twenties

first

self.

when he forms an

make changes, the Age Thirty a niche in

him an opportunity

make

to

a place for

be viable

often assumes he

initial

and

is

structure that will

A man

structure inevitably has serious flaws

Transition gives

life

is

doing

adult structure. But the

limitations.

The Age

to reconsider the early choices

Thirty

and

to

At the end of Transition a man must begin the second structure and form the world, especially with regard to occupation and marriagelarge or small, in his situation

and

his self.

family. This structure ordinarily remains stable for the rest of the thirties,

although important changes occur within late thirties to

modify a faulty Settling

a painful, long-term process, as

Paul Namson.

The

we

it.

Down

Some men attempt structure,

but

this

in their is

always

Jim Tracy and the end of the novice

shall see in the cases of

structure that starts to

emerge

at

phase has tremendous consequences for future living and development.

With

this

overview of the novice phase as a whole,

let's

now

look at

its

component periods the Early Adult Transition, Entering the Adult World and the Age Thirty Transition. Each period has its own specific tasks, course and outcome, as well as features common to the entire novice three

:

phase.

The Early Adult The

Transition

Early Adult Transition

is

a developmental bridge

pre-adulthood and early adulthood. taining

An

early adult self

between the is

eras of

taking shape, con-

and to some extent transforming the child and adolescent

selves.

The Novice Phase

The boy-man

on the boundary between the childhood

is

era,

centered in the family of origin, and the early adult era with sibilities, roles

He

and

very

is still

choices.

life

much

He

is

half in

he

in adolescence, yet

its

73

which was

new

respon-

and half out of both worlds. is

also stretching

toward the

enticing— and forbidding— adult world ahead. In our sample, the Early Adult Transition typically began at age 17 or 18, lasted five years,

and ended

at 22 or 23. In

than sixteen or later than eighteen, and

more than seven

years.

no

case did

never lasted

it

less

start earlier

than four or

This period started at roughly the same age in

four occupational groups. elists, 5.0

it

On

the average,

years for the biologists,

and

it

all

lasted 5.2 years for the nov-

4.7 years for the workers

and execu-

tives.

The

One

Early Adult Transition presents two major tasks.

task

is

to

and Jeave the pre-adult world. A young man has to question the nature of that world and his place in it. It is necessary to modify existing relationships with important persons and institutions, and to modify the self that formed in pre-adulthood. Numerterminate the adolescent

life

structure

ous separations, losses and transformations are required. to

is

ties,

make

The second

a preliminary step into the adult world: to explore

to imagine oneself as a participant in

tive choices before fully entering

it.

The

it,

to

first

make and

test

task

its possibili-

some

tenta-

task involves a process of

termination, the second a process of initiation.

Both are

essential in a

transitional period.

•

leaving the pre-adult world.

A

major component of

this task

is

to

The process of separation proceeds along many lines. Its external aspects may involve moving out of the familial home, becoming financially less dependent, entering new roles and

separate from the family of origin.

living arrangements in

internal aspects

which one

is

more autonomous and

parents, greater psychological distance tional

A

responsible. Its

involve an increasing differentiation between self and

from the family, and reduced emo-

dependency on parental support and authority. man's family circumstances may

extreme, a young person early adolescence,

may

differ

widely in the teens. At one

leave the parental

home

in

childhood or

through death or abandonment, running away, going to

reformatory or private school. His

new

life

setting

may

provide a quasi-

home, where he functions in part as a child in relation to parent surrogates, so that he has the opportunity to wait until the start of his Early Adult Transition to work on the tasks of terminating his pre-adult life. Otherwise, this boy may be forced prematurely (say at age 12 or 14) to give up his status as child and his relationships to parents. This is very early to do the developmental work of the Early Adult Transition. Having separated

far

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

74

S

LIFE

too early in an external sense, he remains internally tied to the family as

an adult.

He may become

whose yearnings

a pseudo-adult

for parental

caring and grief for the lost family, continue to interfere with the emergence of a valued adult

On

self.

the other hand, a person

may continue living in Under these external

until the early twenties or later.

may

home

the parental

circumstances, he

be able to work

at the developmental tasks of the Early Adult by becoming internally more differentiated from parents and Transition still

externally

more

residence.

The

more genuinely

The

forty

self-sufficient in

crucial thing as

men

an adult in

is

ways other than those related to place of

to separate

enough

form a

to

basis for living

in the next period.

our sample differed widely in their relationships with

parents during the novice phase. to their parents, personally

Only seven men (18 percent) stayed

and geographically,

in the twenties.

close

This group

contained three workers, three executives and a biologist. At the other extreme, eight

men

(20 percent) had a major conflict with their parents-

most often with the father— that went on cases permanently. Six of these

men were

for several years novelists,

and

in a

few

two were workers.

Between these extremes, there were twenty-five men (62 percent) who, without bitter conflict, and in some cases to avoid conflict, moved a considerable distance geographically or socially from the parental world. Some of these

"made

men

retained close ties with parents and built a

life

structure that

sense" to the parents. For most of them, however, the

ents eroded steadily during their twenties.

The

ties

to par-

erosion had a

strong

emotional aspect— an increasing indifference or alienation. But the total erosion process was psychosocial: the his parents

found

alien, mystifying

who

the two groups, those

a world that

we combine and those who

their ken. If

experienced "major conflict"

"moved away," we have 82 percent

The

young man was entering

and beyond

of the total sample!

process of separation from parents continues over the entire

life

more accurate to speak not of course. separation but of changes in the degree and kind of attachment in various key periods. During the first two or three years of life, the child establishes the distinction between self and non-self. This brings about an initial It is

never completed.

It is

thus

separation from the mother, though the attachment remains very strong

and she provides an external centering for his life. At age five or six, with the shift from early to middle childhood, the bounds of the child's life expand beyond the household to include new relationships and

An

adolescent's world

is

more complex, but

it is still

institutions.

primarily a pre-adult

world, centered in the family and in peer groups. Adults figure as authorities,

teachers, helpers

and enemies but not

enter their world but he

is

not of

it.

as peers.

The boy may

at times

The Novice Phase

75

During the Early Adult Transition, he has to separate from the family in a

new way. He must remove

the family from the center of his

new home

begin a process of change that will lead to a

young adult

in

and

an adult world. This does not mean, of course, that the

A

ambivalent attachment to family has ended. brother or

life

base for living as a

sister,

throughout the

life

course. It

person is

is

a son or daughter,

only the character of the

relationship that changes.

The

process of separation during the Early Adult Transition involves

more than the family

of origin.

A

young man must modify or give up

tionships with other important persons

nents of the

self,

rela-

and groups, with pre-adult compo-

with adolescence as an age grade in society— with the

entire pre-adult world. All terminations bring a sense of loss, a grief for

that which

must be given up,

a fear that one's future life as a

whole

will

not provide satisfactions equal to those of the past— as well as hope and anticipation of a future brighter than the past. In the Early Adult Transi-

one must

tion

up

start to give

certain aspects of the pre-adult self

world while internalizing other aspects

as a

groundwork

and

for adult develop-

ment.

•

The second major

initiating early adulthood.

Adult Transition

coming

is

to

form a

fully a part of

it.

As

basis for living in the adult

this period begins, a

He

world before be-

young man's knowledge,

values and aspirations for a particular kind of adult

ous and colored by private fantasies.

life

are rather ambigu-

needs to obtain further training

and learn more about himself and the world. Gradually he earlier fantasies

ing.

As the

goals

and hopes into more

transition ends

and gain

a higher

he

articulates his

clearly defined options for adult liv-

make

will

measure of

of the Early

task

firmer choices, define

self-definition as

more

specific

an adult.

Most of the men in our sample had experience in the armed forces in World War II or the Korean War, which had a formative effect on the separation from pre-adulthood and the entry into early adulthood. During their Early

Adult Transitions, 26

two spent

this period entirely in

men

(65 percent) were in military service:

the military, five divided

it

between

mili-

and work, and nineteen between military and college. College is another institutional setting in which many young men begin the separation from family and do the developmental work of the Early

tary

Adult Transition. Twenty-eight of our

men

lege, including all ten biologists as well as tives.

Two

of the workers

(70 percent) completed

col-

nine novelists and nine execu-

had some college experience. The impact of and redirection of the young man's

college often resulted in an expansion

Those from more modest backgrounds often raised their sights toward higher-status business and professional careers. And many from

outlook.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

76

more

and professional

affluent business

establishment toward occupations and fulfilling or socially valuable.

lawyer, was

amazed

nature and animal

One

moved away from the styles they considered more

families life

of our biologists, the son of a corporation

to discover in college that his long-standing interest in

could be transformed into the occupation of biolo-

life

gist—and could free him from the destiny of becoming a lawyer.

Between the

military, college

homes

of their parental

noted that seventeen the

home

and other changes, most men moved out Adult Transition. Still, it should be

in the Early

men

(42 percent)

made

their primary residence in

of parents or close relatives during a considerable part of the

Early Adult Transition. This was true of seven workers and six executives

(most of class

whom

were of working-class origins). Young

population, but they also maintain direct

•

men

in the

working

enter the labor force sooner than the more affluent and educated

with their families longer.

ties

CONTINUITY AND DISCONTINUITY IN THE SHIFT FROM PRE-ADULTHOOD

to early adulthood. There nuity of the

life

are

wide differences in the degree of conti-

course as one moves from the pre-adult to the early adult

world. In a relatively stable, undifferentiated society a young man's choices are highly constrained. His adult roles

and circumstances are prefigured by

his pre-adult world. In a technologically advanced, fragmented and chang-

ing society such as the United States, he has the advantages and the bur-

More options are available in his environment. He own way rather than to follow literally in his

dens of greater choice. is

encouraged to seek his

As a

father's footsteps.

important respects from his pre-adult world. tional

and modern

world

result, his early adult

societies are,

The

and

most

in the

likely to differ in

differences

between

tradi-

however, far from absolute. In the most

stable societies there are possibilities for choice

vidual life course;

is

and change over the

fluid societies there are

indi-

massive shaping

forces that limit the scope of individual choice.

We examined the ways their origins,

and the ways

which our

in in

men

retained ties to the world of

which they changed. The

be stated simply: the great majority of the ioity adulthood quite different from that of their

overall finding can

men formed a hie parents. The shift

in early

usually

and was extended steadily or in recurrent jumps throughout adulthood. Only a small percentage of the men around age 40 lived in a world that had much in common with their started in the Early Adult Transition

childhood world.

Most income from

executives

and some workers have advanced beyond the

level of their parents.

Most

affluent families in the business-professional

class-

came world, and have moved

of the biologists

and

novelists

The Novice Phase into an academic or artistic world very different

They do not

The

differ

big difference

tinuity

is

Few

from that of

their origins.

markedly from their parents

in

income or

and

in

most

in values

is

and

life style,

77

class level.

cases the discon-

enormous.

of the

only tenuous

changed

men

strongly reject their origins, but the great majority have

ties to

the familial ethnic and religious traditions.

Thus, 18 of the 40 ethnicities.

Two

men

woman of married women

have married a

their religion or

(45 percent)

Many

have

a different religion.

of other religions or

of the workers intermarried, as did 5 or 6

men

in each of

the other occupations. In 16 cases (40 percent) the marital choice formed part of a broader pattern of solely for her

man

the

money

upward mobility: the wife was chosen not

or social background, but as part of a process by

left his pre-adult

consonant with his ambitions, values and riages of 14

men

which

world and moved toward another world more

By

interests.

contrast, the mar-

(35 percent) actively sustained their link to the pre-adult

world.

men

All but one of the

men

married during the novice phase: 20

(50

percent) married in the Early Adult Transition, 11 (28 percent) in Entering the Adult

World, 8 (20 percent)

in the

Down. The average age at The average age at marriage

in Settling

17 to 35.

that for executives (23.2)

and

first

Age Thirty Transition and

was similar to

for workers (22.9)

novelists (24.3). In each of these groups, 60

percent married during the Early Adult Transition.

The

biologists

was

distinctly slow to the altar: their average age at marriage

only one married in the Early Adult Transition.

28.1,

were

and

They were the most

strained of the four occupational groups in their sexuality tions with

1

marriage was 24.6, the range

and

re-

their rela-

women generally.

Half of our sample got married in the Early Adult Transition. This early marriage

adult

and

life. It

at the

was part of the process of separation from parents and pre-

was highly colored by the young man's struggles to terminate,

same time

to maintain, the relationships with parents

pre-adult aspects of the leave the family

self. It

often

and become more

stemmed from

adult,

but

it

and the

a conscious effort to

also served unconscious

needs to perpetuate his dependency and remain fixed in an immature child-mother relationship. (For further discussion of early riage, see

Chapter

vs. later

mar-

6.)

Beginning with the Early Adult Transition, and throughout the novice phase, a

young man

is

making choices and

will define the character of his life in early

early adult life

world: he

may

is

establishing relationships that

adulthood. In some cases his

consistent with that of his parents

live in

and

his pre-adult

roughly the same kind of community, have the same

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

78

ethnic and religious to this world,

friends expected

from those of are

much

enter an occupation and a marriage appropriate

ties,

and become the kind of person

him

but

his parents,

his basic

way

Conversely, there

life in

when

he seemed about to enter

movement

;

differ

in society

high continuity between

is

life style; a

woman

in trajectory

sharply different from the

in his teens. Discontinuity

marriage to a

may

in the

take

change

many

in religious

background

of different social

may be modulated

(although the differences

is

marked change

a

the late twenties

forms: a change in ethnic attachments and affiliation or identity;

may

and place

eras.

discontinuity

is

occurs— when a man's

develop )

of living

the same as theirs. In such cases there

the pre-adult and early adult

life

and childhood

his parents

to be. Specific features of his adult life

kind of family

life

into a class or subculture very different in values

they

and

outlook from that of the parents. In order to get a rough picture of these changes,

we

did a rating of the

"degree of discontinuity between pre-adult and early adult world" for each of our 40 life in

men. In making

we compared the character of a man's The discontinuity was rated the sample, "medium" for 42 percent and "low" this rating,

the late teens and the late twenties.

"high" for 40 percent of for 18 percent.

Among

the occupational groups, the novelists showed the

greatest discontinuity, with the biologists a close second.

executives

had somewhat

less

received by only four workers

Whatever

still

is

adolescent in

a time of

many

workers and

discontinuity, but a rating of "low" was

and two

executives.

the degree of discontinuity in a

Adult Transition

The

young man's

profound change in

respects, yet

he

is

self

the Early

life,

and world.

also a novice adult.

He

modifying or ending his relationships with parents and other family bers,

He

is

is still

mem-

with the settings and institutions of adolescence, and with his peer

groups and friends.

groundwork

for his

He

first

is

trying to

adult

make

the choices that will form the

life structure.

Entering the Adult World: Building a First life Structure The

Early Adult Transition, like

by

more

a

call this

stable period in

new

all

developmental transitions,

which a new

life

structure

period Entering the Adult World.

basic processes: exploration of self

It

must be

involves a

and world, making and

is

followed

built.

We

number

of

testing provi-

The Novice Phase sional choices (cautiously, or with a great enthusiasm

which masks

provisional quality), searching for alternatives, increasing one's

ments and constructing a more integrated

life

years— never, in our sample, more than eight or

six

and ends

There were only negligible

at 28 or 29.

differences

occupational groups in the age at which this period began.

and

slightly greater for the biologists

as well as a

than four—

among Its

the four

duration was

under

six for

the

and

latter.

timing for the various occupations,

range of individual variation around the typical (modal) ages.

In Entering the Adult World, a young

an

years. It lasts

less

novelists than for the workers

executives: just over six years for the former, just

We thus find a common sequence and

their

commit-

structure.

This period usually begins at age 22, give or take two

about

79

has to fashion and test out

between the valued

self

the center of gravity of his

life

structure that provides a viable link

initial life

and the adult

He must now

society.

from the position of child adult with a

man

new home

shift

in the family of origin to the position of novice

base that

more

is

truly his

own.

It is

time for

full

entry into the adult world. This requires multiple efforts: to explore the available possibilities, to arrive at a crystallized (though

definition of himself as an adult,

and to make and

choices regarding occupation, love relationships, faces

•

two major

The

life style

with his

and

final) initial

values.

He

tasks:

exploration.

options.

by no means

live

A

young man has

to discover

exploratory stance requires

him

to

and generate "hang

alternative

loose," keeping his

options open and r avoiding strong commitments. This task has sources in

the world and in the

self.

To

varying degrees, the external world provides

multiple possibilities and invites the young

more

before making

man to his own

try different choices

commitments. Also, youthful vitality genand wonder, a wish to seek out and discover of the new world he is entering. Even when he makes relafirm

erates a sense of adventure all

the treasures

tively

binding

initial

choices regarding marriage and occupation, they

have a provisional quality:

•

if

they don't work out, change

still

possible.

creating a stable structure. In every period, the several develop-

mental tasks are contrasting or tion requires a

make

firm choices.

something of

ment and ried,

antithetical. Just as the Early

young man both

next, Entering the Adult

to

is

still

his life."

World

He must This

to terminate requires

one

era

him both

and

Adult Transito initiate the

to explore freely

take on adult responsibilities and

task, too, has sources in

the external environ-

in the self. Externally, there are pressures to

enter an occupation, define his goals and lead a

and

"make

"grow up," get mar-

more organized

life.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

80

In the

self

there are desires for stability and order, for roots,

the tribe, lasting

The

ties,

distinctive character of this

existence of

its

two

initial

developmental period

tasks: to explore, to

making firmer commitments adult

life structure,

on the two

lies

in

in the co-

expand one's horizons and put

until the options are clearer;

to have roots, stability

one task may dominate, but the other of emphasis

membership

fulfillment of core values.

is

and

an

Work

on

and continuity.

never totally absent.

off

to create

The

balance

tasks varies tremendously.

At one extreme are men who devote themselves primarily to the task They go through the entire period on a highly provisional basis with no lasting commitments or goals. Some of these men lead a of exploration.

transient

frequently changing jobs, residences and personal relation-

life,

They ment. They

flux

and easy move-

much of the self in the world or take much of Other men live in a more stable way but they too

don't invest

world into the

self.

the late twenties,

comes to an end,

make only

the are

Toward however, as the period of Entering the Adult World the limitations of this provisional life structure become

very tentative in their choices and

evident.

by

create a loose structure characterized

ships.

The men

limited attachments.

experience increasing internal need and external pres-

and to get more order, purpose and attachment into their lives. At the other extreme are men who early in this period make strong commitments and start building what they hope will be a stable, enduring life structure. These men usually make their key choices, especially of sure to

work

at the other task

spouse and occupation, in the Early Adult Transition and try to maintain great continuity with the pre-adult world.

They tend not

tive possibilities or* to question the life structure

these men, however, regard the initial a final unalterable choice. It

is

life

they have built. Even

structure as provisional

men have

questions

Do

more fulfilling Most men

I

:

Did

want

fall

its

end, even these

commit myself prematurely? Were my horizons way of life forever, or are there

to maintain this

possibilities I

should

strive for?

between these extremes. There are many ways of trying

to balance exploration stability in

I

and not

a vehicle for entering the adult world but

not necessarily a permanent one. As this period nears

too narrow?

to explore alterna-

one part of

and

A

stable structure.

his life

and transiency

young man may opt

in another:

for

he may form a

he may devote himdream while his relationships

stable marriage but remain occupationally nomadic; or self

passionately to an enduring occupational

with

women

take the form of intense but troubled love

promiscuity or avoidance of life

all

closeness. Again,

affairs,

casual

he may lead a nomadic

with minimal commitments until perhaps 25 or 26, and only then

begin to form a more stable structure.

The Novice Phase Regardless of his

life

We

twenties.

or severe that

life

crisis in

during this time. In only

among

varied

the four occupations.

and seven

novelists, eight workers

clear evidence of crisis,

For the novelists

f

late

experienced a moderate

the forty cases was

five of

clear

it

we could not make a problems.) The incidence of

had gone quite smoothly. (In seven

firm judgment regarding the severity of the crisis

and the

late teens

men

found that 70 percent of our

crisis

likely to expe-

is

the Early Adult Transition and/or Enter-

somewhere between the

ing the Adult World,

man

course during the twenties, a

moderate

rience at least a

81

cases

occurred in the lives of nine

It

biologists.

Only four executives gave

though another four were ambiguous.

as

one might expect, the problems of making writing

an occupation were enormous. They could not earn a living from their tion, cases,

but holding a regular job gave them

little

moreover, their parents actively disapproved of novel writing

To

occupation.

pursue their

literary

make

dreams, they had to

as

an

a sharp

Not

surprisingly, the novelists

intense, intimate

and stormy relationships

break with parents and the pre-adult world.

more than the other men had

fic-

time to write. In most

with women; the love-marriage-family aspect of their

lives

was often

problematic.

World had its problems commonly assumed that young men

Entering the Adult well. It

is

firmly situated in a rather stable fact, eight of

For

Many workers went that they

five of

through

them

of the working class are

by

restricted life

if

our ten workers had

their twenties.

for the hourly workers as

their mid- twenties. In

difficulties of crisis

this

at least

proportions during

was a "rock bottom" time of

one period

would ever get married and have

in

which

it

a stable family or that they

would find steady employment with reasonable prospects work and promotion. Over

for interesting

half of our executives did not enter the managerial ranks until

they were over age 30. Before that they were engineers, accountants,

men,

life.

seemed unlikely

military officers, technicians.

Many

of them, as

from working-class or lower-middle-class backgrounds.

I

noted

Much

earlier,

or

all

sales-

came

of their

twenties was taken up not only with occupational mobility but also with a

change in

family

ment

life,

class level, educational-cultural

residential

community and

(and often religious) milieu,

usually great

The

and

situation

at times is

challenge and excite-

stress,

but the

superficially different for the biologists.

was

They

usually

in graduate school getting

Ph.D. and perhaps having an additional year or two

as a postdoctoral

member. Occupationally, they are part of a demands hard work but also promises great rewards

fellow or a very junior faculty prestigious system that

stress

almost unmanageable.

spend the period of Entering the Adult World a

The

life style.

of "moving up" generally outweighed the

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

82

to those

who perform

well.

But

group too has

this

the

stresses: getting

its

doctoral degree, dealing with the highly competitive struggles of the aca-

demic system (which

is

oneself as a "promising

no

competitive than industry), establishing

less

young

and getting

scientist/'

a faculty position in a

strong university that will facilitate one's research and career progress. In addition, as I've mentioned, the biologists are usually rather inhibited in their relationships with

women. They tend and family

culty in establishing a marriage

These findings

cast

to marry late

and to have

diffi-

life.

doubt on the widely held view that young

men

nor-

mally conclude their "adolescent" uncertainty and exploration by the early

which they choose a path and move along

twenties, after

steady, stable way.

Very few young men build that

without considerable

smooth time

difficulty

building a very satisfactory

A

man's

difficulties

and occasional Adult World

in Entering the

first

life

structure

Moreover, having a

crisis.

is

in a relatively

it

adult

no guarantee that one

is

life structure.

during this period are often accentuated by specific

aspects of his situation— economic recession, discrimination, the rivalries of a highly competitive

world— and by

his

own emotional problems

committing himself to an occupation, relating to

from parents. In addition to these

women and

specific obstacles, there

a

is

of

separating

more

ele-

mental, underlying problem: the developmental tasks of Entering the

Adult World are fulfill

an

them

intrinsically

difficult

and contradictory.

to anything like an optimal degree. It

ideally satisfactory life structure the first

period are in their nature antithetical, and

is

time around.

we

No

one can

not possible to form

The

tasks of this

are too young, inexperienced

and torn regarding our own wishes to be able to resolve the contradictions.

We

do well to have only a moderate

structure,

and to form a

basis

on which

crisis,

to create a fairly satisfactory

a fuller,

made in subsequent periods. Toward the end of the twenties, Entering a close.

adult

A man

life

more balanced

the Adult

first,

provisional

World comes

to

life structure.

This structure

women,

usually leading

has multiple facets: a pattern of relationships with

and

occupation; a

can be

has until roughly age 28 or 29 to explore the possibilities of

and to fashion a

to marriage

life

family; an involvement in

home

work which

leads to forming an

base as bachelor or married person, in a particular kind

of dwelling, neighborhood

and

larger

community;

a pattern of relationships

with parents and family of origin; an involvement, great or small, in gious, political, recreational

and other groups. Various

However, must remain neglected or allowed only

lived out to different degrees in these facets of the life structure.

some important

parts of the self

partial expression.

reli-

parts of the self are

The Novice Phase This

first life

components

structure

at the center

may be

and others

A

One

be given central importance.

him

occupational direction that permits self.

built

related task

and

few

mutually sup-

in

task

is

and follow an

to choose

to live out important parts of the

to form a marital relationship with a wife

is

ports his aspirations

around them

a

and marriage-family are the components most

portive ways. Occupation likely to

whole with

a relatively integrated

83

ready and able to join

is

him on

who

sup-

his journey. If

both of these choices have been wisely made and can coexist compatibly at the center of his life, they provide the basis for a satisfactory, well-

integrated structure.

Yet no one can succeed

fully in these tasks.

structure of the late twenties

is

remain to be made, and the direction of

To

get a

more

ness of the

life

uncertain or unsatisfactory.

life is

we

precise picture of this,

life

For most men, the

incomplete or fragmented. Major choices

did a rating of the "satisfactori-

end of Entering the Adult World.

structure" at the

We

found that 57 percent of the sample experienced their lives as incomplete, oppressive, not going anywhere or heading in the wrong direction. The life structure was unsatisfactory in important respects for eight novelists, six

workers, five executives and four biologists.

The

difficulty

can take

stable, organized life, it.

In this case, a

many

forms.

and yet important

man

feels that his life

is

Some men

achieve a relatively

parts of the self have

a sham, an

no place

in

unwanted compliance

with the dictates of parents or society, and a betrayal of what he holds most dear.

He may

directions, ried to a her,

have several strong interests leading in different occupational

He may be marand yet have doubts about whether he loves

and be plagued by choices and contradictions.

woman he

cares for

about her feelings for him, about the durability of the relationship or

the possibility of integrating marriage-family and work.

For most men, the plete

and fragmented.

no occupation or

life

structure of the late twenties

A man may

have had a

clear occupational direction.

tence without heavy responsibilities

may have

the insecurity and rootlessness of this

life

is

unstable, incom-

series of jobs

and yet have

Although a transient

suited

him

exis-

well for a while,

begin to weigh on him.

If

he has

not yet married, the question of marriage becomes more urgent and he begins to examine

more

closely his usual

such as shy avoidance of

form of relationship with women,

real contact, sexual promiscuity,

nonsexual friendships, or intense but abortive tions in his life structure

become

affairs.

intolerable. It

is

The

more

lacks

parts

he cannot

integrate.

his life has

Or he

no

center, that

realizes that

and

limita-

now if own. He

distressing

he does not have a wife or an occupation or a home base of

becomes more aware that

enduring but

it is

his

fragmented into

he made the major choices

84

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

with minimal commitment and investment of the

He

self.

feels

the need

for a change.

No

how

matter

to the fore in the late twenties. is

coming

no matter how integrated

satisfactory his life has been,

or fragmented the present structure,

and

to an end,

new

a

The

new developmental

tasks are

pushing

period of Entering the Adult

period

is

World

getting under way.

The Age Thirty Transition The Age

Thirty Transition

is

and burden.

a remarkable gift

opportunity to work on the flaws in the

life

structure

more

previous period, and to create the basis for a

It

provides an

formed during the

satisfactory structure

that will be built in the following period.

As we have

seen, the

main

tasks of

Entering the Adult

explore the adult world and to fashion a

This work

is

done by age 28 or

ordinarily

World were

to

provisional life structure.

first,

29. If adult life

were more

static,

the next step would be simply to settle into this structure and pursue further goals within

ous course, the

it.

first

If

life

adult

life typically

structure

evolved in a simple, continu-

would be

relatively

change gradually and in small steps over many that the periods.

The

stable;

We

Settling

life

Down

becomes

it

would

however,

period ordinarily begins at age 32 or 33. At

less provisional.

A man

must make stronger com-

mitments, form deeper roots and (with whatever mixture of resignation) settle for a rest of early

find,

structure evolves through a series of qualitatively distinct

life

that point

years.

new

life

joy,

structure that will shape his

apathy or

life

for the

adulthood.

Connecting the two structure-building periods— Entering the Adult

World

in the twenties

Thirty Transition. Like structure

and

and Settling all

Down

to initiate another.

A man

the thirties— is the Age

in

transitional periods,

it

serves to terminate

one

has a span of several years in

which to reappraise the past and consider the future. He asks: What have I done with my life? What do I want to make of it? What new directions shall I choose?

For our sample at age 28,

as a

whole, the Age Thirty Transition typically began

with a range of 26 to 29.

It

ended between

31

and

34,

most often

The duration was usually five years. Only minor differences were found among the four occupational groups. The average age at onset of the

at 33.

Age Thirty Transition was others.

27.6 for the workers

and 28.2 to 28.4 for the

This period had the longest duration for the biologists

(5.1 years),

The Novice Phase

85

the shortest for the executives (4.1 years). Again, the variability in the

timing of this period

enough

large

is

common

small enough to indicate a

to stimulate our interest in individual

timetable, yet

and group

differences.

During the Age Thirty Transition, the provisional, exploratory quality of the twenties

ing: "If

I

serious,

more

my

want to change

or things missing that

soon

start, for

man

ending and a

is

becoming more

will

it

I

more

like to

late."

have— this

The Age

He

"for real."

life— if there are things in

would

be too

has a sense of greater urgency. Life

restrictive,

is

that

it

is

has the feelI

don't

like,

make

the time to

a

Thirty Transition provides a

"second chance" to create a more satisfactory

life

structure within early

adulthood. All

ture at

men make some its

end

is

As with

start.

changes during this period, so that the

life struc-

from that

necessarily different, for better or worse,

at the

transitions, there are exquisite individual variations in

all

We have

the onset, course and outcome of this period.

found

useful to

it

distinguish a few broad sequences.

smooth process of change. For some men the Age Thirty

•

Transition

proceeds in a smooth, continuous fashion, without overt disruption or sense of

crisis.

As they approach

satisfactory.

They

are

They have

own

they find their

reasonably complete and

lives

with family and friends.

moving along an occupational path that

vides the desired rewards.

timetable.

vides a

30,

satisfactory relationships

The

They

suits

them

provisional life structure

formed

conditions, a

modify and enrich

his life.

The

and

man

uses the

transition

noticeable, but a transition does occur

may be

and

its

built.

Age Thirty so

smooth

outcome

is

Transition to as to

be hardly

a life structure

based directly on the previous one but significantly different from easy transition, without drastic change or turmoil,

cause a man's life

structure

life is

may occur

and external reasons)

seriously flawed, to

but he

is

it.

An

primarily be-

going well and needs only minor adjustments.

may be

pro-

in the twenties pro-

groundwork on which the second structure can be

Under these

well

are progressing in accordance with their

Or

the

unable (for various internal

acknowledge the flaws and work

at

changing them.

The illusions and unacknowledged difficulties often surface at a later time, when they exact a heavier cost. The Age Thirty Transition went rather smoothly for an executive, Leo Heinz.

On

finishing college at 23,

he married and went to work

He and

as

an

had the same aspirations: a large, close-knit family and a middle-class life based on religious values and church affiliation. He wanted to get ahead in his work but was accountant for a large corporation.

his wife

not markedly ambitious or dedicated to a particular occupation.

The

couple

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

86

moved

into his wife's

community, became part of her extended family and

religio-ethnic network, and had the

of their six children.

first

At 27 Heinz had a relatively integrated life structure. Its central elements were the family, the religio-ethnic community and a secure but limited job an accounting

in

office.

He

then took a job in middle management in the start of his

Age

he had established himself

as a

business office of a major corporation. This

Thirty Transition. Five years

later, at 32,

promising young middle manager. During his life

changed markedly: he moved from

middle-class to upwardly mobile middle diverse secularized

marked the

this five-year transitional period,

city to suburbs,

class,

from

from stable lower-

religio-ethnic enclave to

community, from extended family network

to isolated

nuclear family. In short, from a modest, secure and orderly world to one

demanding and turbulent. He gave occuthat goes with it, a more central part in his

that was affluent, competitive,

pational ambition, life.

Heinz's

new

tatively different

and

life

all

emerged out of the old and yet was qualiwould take him another ten years to understand

structure

from

it.

It

what he had gained— and what he had lost— through the change. painful transition: the age thirty

•

crisis.

For most men, the Age

Thirty Transition takes a more severe and stressful form. of the age thirty

crisis.

A man

encounters

developmental tasks of the period. times he feels he cannot go on.

It

as

We

speak then

working on the

may be

so great that at

though he had no

basis for further

The

is

great difficulty in difficulty

living.

One a

body

suggestive

metaphor

for a

of water trying to get

that he will not reach Future.

nor backward, that he himself as

swimming

is

developmental

crisis is

a

man

from Island Past to Island Future.

He

feels that

alone on

He

fears

he can move neither forward

on the verge of drowning.

A man may

experience

alone, as rowing in a leaky boat, or as captain of a

luxurious but defective ship caught in a storm. There are wide variations in the nature of the vehicle, the sources of threat

and Future. The serious doubt:

critical

thing

is

and the nature of Past

that the integrity of the enterprise

is

in

he experiences the imminent danger of chaos, dissolution,

the loss of the future.

Developmental

crises

have certain

common

characteristics

whether they

occur in adolescence, at age 30, at 40 or whenever. However, the character of every crisis

is

shaped by the developmental

in 1

issues of the current period.

around age 30 must be seen the context of the Age Thirty Transition. An age thirty crisis is not

Thus, a time of special

difficulty occurring

'merely" a delayed adolescent

crisis,

though unresolved

conflicts of adoles-

cence will be reactivated and perhaps more fully resolved in

it.

Nor

is it

a

The Novice Phase "precocious" mid-life

though

crisis,

problems of persons who,

transitional

has

it

much

in

about 40,

at

become intolerable. Age Thirty Transition was more the

common

87

with the

caught in a

feel

life

structure that has

A stressful

rule than the exception

men (62 percent) went through a moderate men (18 percent) had a fairly smooth transi-

in our study. Twenty-five of the

or severe tion,

crisis.

and

Only seven

men

for eight

(20 percent) the picture was mixed or ambiguous.

by nine of the

Crises were experienced

There was

novelists

and eight of the workers.

the executives, three went through a major

smooth

transition,

There

another four

clear evidence of crisis in five of the biologists; in

the picture was mixed, and only one had a clear absence of

and four were

no firm

is

crisis.

Among

three had a relatively

crisis,

unclear.

basis for saying

whether the age

thirty crisis

is

more

frequent in this generation, born between 1924 and 1934, than in others.

The Age

Thirty Transition

is

also difficult for the generation

born between

1940 and 1949, which entered adulthood during the "protest" decade of the 1960s and turned 30 during the 1970s.

Many young

our society and about the possibility of forming a

bility of

worth having. Perhaps every generation

feels

that

unique in character and severity— and each of them not

know

and with

Of

adults of every gen-

have serious doubts about the value and the

eration, as they pass 30,

until

full

we

how

learn

appreciation of

its

life

may be

life

problems are

right.

to study the adult life course in

its

via-

structure

We shall

some depth,

complexity.

Age Nine

the four occupations, the novelists had the hardest time in the

Thirty Transition and used of the ten novelists

had age

it

most

actively to

and

thirty crises

improve their

five of these

lives.

obtained psycho-

therapy or psychoanalysis during this time. (In comparison, while four biologists

had psychotherapy, no workers or executives

of the latter

The creative

had

novelists' crises reflected, in part, the neurotic

and self-demanding persons.

must look

at the

To

though many

Most

of

life structure,

them came from

lives

become

years trying to

occupation in the center of a

problems typical of

understand them, however,

broader framework of their

These men spent many cumstances.

did,

crises.)

we

during the novice phase. novelists

and to put

under the most

a pre-adult world in

this

difficult cir-

which novel

not contempt. They became

writing was regarded with indifference,

if

tant or actively alienated from parents

and from other important parts of

dis-

the pre-adult world. During their twenties they struggled to enter an adult

world and create a

Only one

life

sharply discontinuous with that of childhood.

of the ten novelists, Allen Perry, was in a position to

time at writing in his early twenties,

first

work

full

through a small allowance and

88

THE SEASONS OF A

much

MAN S

LIFE

scrounging, and then with the income from a successful

he had

at 26. Still,

difficulties that led to a

flawed

first life

more

novel

by inner turmoil and

twenties. After an age thirty crisis characterized

writing block, he was able to build a

first

structure in the

satisfactory life structure,

with

writing and marriage at the center, in his early thirties.

Most

of our writers earned their livelihood

by other means during

their twenties: they became journalists, teachers or businessmen as well

was not

as novelists. It

clear for

many

years (often well into their thirties

or even forties) whether novel writing could tion or survive at all in their lives.

At the end

become

in the late twenties, they had not been able to

occupation and to build a the

life

Age Thirty Transition

were stabilizing a

life in

make

changes.

which writing had a

World,

writing their primary

structure that could contain

make major

to

their primary occupa-

of Entering the Adult

it.

By age

significant,

Many

used

33 or 34, they

though

rarely un-

problematic, place.

Richard Taylor was one of two Black novelists in our study. Following

World War

a long military service in

a year later,

supplement

as a secretary to

was to have a secure

life

his

not provide the after college,

fiction,

he

ture.

tried to

but

for writing,

hers.

He gave up

aspiration

The

and

his cultural interests pulled

the

life

it

bills

didn't work.

he could not build a

life

him

she wanted. For three years

maintain a steady job that would pay the

realized that

and

aspirations

Her

Bill.

dreams were alien to her, and he could

stability so essential to

he

and leave room

children.

started college at 21, married

income from the GI

to a world she could not share. His

28,

he

within the middle-class Black community. But he

was already writing poetry and

At

II,

and immediately started a family. His wife continued her work

life

containing both his

they had was unsuitable for

them and

their

the struggle, divorced and dismantled the fragile struc-

Breaking up the family— and re-enacting the corrosive theme of the

Black father abandoning his wife and children— caused him inner wounds that took years to heal. After the breakup, he

worked harder

at fatherhood

than do most fathers in intact families.

Age Thirty Transition, from age 28 to 34, was spent in a kind moving around, often living from hand to mouth, working at

Taylor's of limbo:

transient jobs, hitting "rock bottom," nearly succeeding in killing himself,

getting psychotherapy, starting a serious love relationship— and through it all

finding time to write his novels.

order and stability, and a

new

At about 34

structure emerged.

his life

The

took on some

central elements of

were writing novels and an enduring love relationship. The made economically feasible by a hyphenated occupation: he earned money chiefly as journalist and writer on public affairs. Thus, the this structure

structure was

The Novice Phase outcome of

his

Age Thirty Transition was

tain the novel writing,

crisis in

just barely. It

and move

this structure secure

Taylor's

but

the

89

a life structure that could con-

took several years longer to make

his writing into the center of

Age Thirty Transition was

similar in

it.

magnitude to

many White writers, but the racial aspects gave it special bitterness and poignancy. The struggle to remain true to his dream is never easy for a Black man in this society. And a Black man with heroic aspirationsthat of

literary, political, scientific or

ing intensity

These

forces

of Black

all

must be

men.

whatever— draws upon himself with

increas-

the destructive forces of individual and institutional racism. part of our understanding of the adult

development

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

3 We

have examined the sequence of developmental periods in the novice

phase.

period

The periods begin with the Early Adult Transition, that boundary when the young man terminates his pre-adulthood and forms the with Entering the

basis for full entry into early adulthood; they continue

Adult World, whose primary world and to build a

Age Thirty

the first

adult

first,

tasks are to explore the possibilities of this

provisional

life structure, to

consider

how

suitable

seek ways of reforming or drastically restructuring

Each period to

of the novice phase has

do with building or modifying the

its

own

it is

particular tasks,

life structure.

The work done on them changes from one

for the self,

phase. In fact,

it is

a

In addition, the three

novice phase as a whole.

period to the next, but the tasks

Four major

3.

4.

Work

on

a

tasks can

be completed before the end of

all

of

them by the

tasks of the novice

phase

early thirties. are:

Forming a Dream and giving it a place in the Forming mentor relationships Forming an occupation Forming love relationships, maniage and iamily

There

are other

common

tasks,

such

life

structure

as relating to authorities

ing greater authority oneself; forming peer relationships with

women;

this

developmental accomplishment to have made even

moderate progress with

1.

which have

not steady and gradual, but proceeds unevenly, with recurrent ups

is

and downs. None of the

2.

to

the process of entry into

themselves are of primary importance over the entire phase. task

and

it.

common tasks which are essential to These common tasks characterize the

periods have

adulthood.

and they conclude with

structure;

life

Transition, which offers an opportunity to reappraise the

relating as an adult to people at different age levels;

and

gain-

men and

forming an

adult outlook and values with regard to religion, politics, ethnicity, com-

munity. These issues were discussed in our interviews. In reviewing the lives of

our men, however,

we found

that the four tasks listed above were

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

91

the most prominent and merited special attention. These tasks give the

novice phase vitally

shape and substance. They involve the formation of

its

important aspects of the

life

structure.

Forming and Living Out the Dream During the novice phase of

early

adulthood a

man

exploring the adult

is

world, developing adult interests and values, making important choices

with regard to work, marriage and family, and forming an adult identity.

The

process of exploration

of family, class, subculture active striving,

both

and choice and

competence and

facilitated

is

strongly shaped

social institutions. It

and

by

his

own

rational consideration of alternatives. It

and hindered by various aspects

values, talents, anxieties

by the influences

affected

is

life goals.

is

of his personality: motives,

we have

In the course of our study,

discovered another factor that plays a powerful and pervasive role in early

adulthood. This factor, often portrayed in mythology and literature,

We

considered in academic research. initial capital

call it

and emphasize our

to identify

In everyday language,

we

say that

"the Dream."

(We

specific use of the

is

rarely

use the

word.)

someone "succeeded beyond

his

wildest dreams," or that he "dreamed of a world he could never have."

These are neither night dreams nor casual daydreams. kind

is

more formed than

thought-out plan.

title

is

"dream" of

this

than a fully

the central issue in Martin Luther King's historic

It is the meaning Delmore Schwartz intended with Dreams Begin Responsibilities." Many young men the kind of life they want to lead as adults. The vicissi-

dream" speech.

"I have a

the

It

A

a pure fantasy, yet less articulated

of his story "In

have a Dream of

tudes and fate of the

Dream have fundamental consequences

for adult

development. In It

its

primordial form, the

Dream

is

a vague sense of self-in-adult- world.

has the quality of a vision, an imagined possibility that generates excite-

ment and

vitality.

connected to

At the

reality,

start it

although

it

is

may

ning the Nobel Prize or making the

form

as in

the

myth

poorly articulated and only tenuously

contain concrete images such as winall-star

team.

It

may

take a dramatic

of the hero: the great artist, business tycoon, athletic

or intellectual superstar performing magnificent feats and receiving special

honors.

It

may

take

mundane forms

that are yet inspiring

and sustaining:

the excellent craftsman, the husband-father in a certain kind of family, the

member

community. Dream, a young man has the developmental Whatever the nature of his task of giving it greater definition and finding ways to live it out. It makes

highly respected

of one's

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

Q2

a great difference in his

S

LIFE

growth whether

his initial life structure

sonant with and infused by the Dream, or opposed to

mains unconnected to aliveness

may simply

money

by

that

is

his parents,

or opportunity,

guilt, passivity,

quite different.

their twenties will

A man

and by various aspects of

If

Dream

the it

re-

his sense of

direction expressing

may be pushed

his personality,

He may

in the as lack

such

as

thus succeed in

The

conflict may extend over who betray the Dream in consequences. Those who

through various forms. Those

have to deal

structure around the

life

life

competitiveness and special talents.

years, evolving

build a

it.

and with

by various external constraints, such

an occupation that holds no interest for him.

many

die,

develop a conflict between a

Dream and another

latter direction

of

it

and purpose.

Many young men the

his life

con-

is

later

with the

Dream

in early

adulthood have a better

chance for personal fulfillment, though, years of struggle may be required to maintain the

commitment and work toward

its

realization.

During the

Mid-life Transition they will have to reappraise the magical aspects of the

Dream and modify its place in their middle adult lives. Our conception of transitions in adult development, and especially of the Dream in early adulthood, have been strongly influenced by Donald W. Winnicott's views regarding "transitional phenomena" in early childhood. In a transitional period, says Winnicott, the child imagines various possibilities of his self

in daydreams, play

believe that he

is

and world

He

in the future.

enacts these imaginings

and other "make-believe" explorations. Does the child

truly the person

he has created

answer: Yes and no; and the ambiguity

is

the

in his play? Winnicott's

nub

of

it.

The

child's play

occurs on the boundary between reality and illusion, between the clearly

"me" and the "not-me," between what play world reality

is

a

and the

"is"

and what "might be." The

boundary region between the concretely objective external entirely subjective internal

image or hope. In play the child

can transform imaginings of what might be into illusions of what preparation for the hard work of making the illusions external world.

He

self-in-world that

A

is

more

now

is,

in

real in

the

can create, experiment with, and slowly actualize a

new

just starting to take shape.

crucial aspect of mothering, according to

Winnicott,

is

to provide a

supportive context for the child's play. Winnicott offers a conception of the "good enough"

mother— not

a tyrannizing ideal, yet adequate for the

complex purposes of mothering. The "good enough" mother helps to generate a space between herself and the child where he can play creatively— can play, that reality

and

is,

without having to worry about the distinction between

illusion.

and mother

7

in

We can thus speak of a

which he

feels safe

boundary region between child

from external and internal dangers. In

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

this space

he

he can gradually define and

out a newly emerging

test

what he

can gain the mother's blessing for

"good enough" mother allows the child

as either

does not question or disparage his playful

illusions.

Through

it,

productions

and the play that can occur within explore the world and

phenomena

istic

make

a place for himself there. It

The

serve developmentally as forerunners of later,

and adaptive

efforts in

am"

This feeling underlies his often

provides a source of hope, self-esteem and personal integrity. tional

child.

the child gains the "I

it,

She

or "not-me."

produced and sustained by both mother and

is

feeling, the 'sense that "I exist in the world." difficult efforts to

"me"

and

self,

become. The

his playful-serious

without requiring him to identify them

This relationship

trying to

is

93

transi-

more

real-

the social world. Winnicott draws parallels

between the "good enough" mother and the "good enough"

therapist,

who

helps generate a space in which the patient can work-play creatively.

He

points to truly artistic and religious experiences as transitional (and trans-

formational) Similarly,

phenomena of adult life. a Dream of adult life arises

as a transitional

phenomenon

in

the Early Adult Transition and Entering the Adult World. As a boy-man begins his entry into adulthood, he^ imagines exciting possibilities for his adult

life

and

struggles to attain the "I

and world. His Dream of adulthood child. is

Though

Transition and

is

from) an adult

life

is

feeling in this dreamed-of self

initially as fragile as that of

the small

has origins in childhood and adolescence, the

it

a distinctively adult

phase

is

am"

phenomenon:

it

takes shape in the Early

gradually integrated within (or, in

many

cases,

structure over the course of early adulthood.

the crucial time for establishing the

Dream

is

Dream Adult

excluded

The

novice

in one's life.

As the novice adult tries to separate from his family and pre-adult world, and to enter an adult world, he must form significant relationships with other adults who will facilitate his work on the Dream. Two of the most important figures in this drama are the "mentor" and the "special woman." I

shall discuss First,

them

however,

I

shortly.

want

to

examine ways

in

which the Dream was formed

or neglected by the several occupational groups in our sample during the

novice phase.

Biologists

For about half of the

biologists, entry into this

tion of a powerful, exciting

began

in childhood.

in high school

Dream. Their

They thought

seriously

and made the decision

occupation was the

interests in nature

realiza-

and science

about biology as an occupation

in college.

They devoted themselves

THE SEASONS OF A

94

MAN S

LIFE

work with tremendous commitment and energy throughout the

to their

novice phase. Yet, even

when

the choice of academic biology reflected the Dream,

some

there were often inner conflicts and external difficulties. In father strongly ness or law.

wanted

The

cases the

son to enter another occupation, such

his

as busi-

father sensed, usually with intuitive accuracy, that the son's

occupational choice was based in part upon a rejection of his

The

personal qualities.

son,

who

own

values

and

and was vulnerable

also loved his father

to

such criticisms, got caught up in the conflict and could not devote himself wholeheartedly to his work.

and

One

of these

men became much more

creative

free in his research only in his early thirties, after his father's death.

For several

biologists the

Dream was ambiguous

or poorly formed.

At

the end of college, after considering various occupational options, they

decided on biology because

them and

interested

it

encouraging, but not with a sense of

its

lack of excitement about biological research of self in

work led

and

were

their professors

them. Their

special Tightness for

their limited investment

to continuing career problems.

Novelists

had

Several novelists

too the

Dream had

a youthful

various fates.

or earlier, decided in college to

Dream Four

make

becoming a

of

novelists

writer,

began writing

and

in

for

them

high school

writing their vocation, and spent the

novice phase becoming accomplished writers. During their novice phase all

of

them went through

a bitter struggle to learn their crafts, to avoid the

detours and pitfalls that constantly awaited them, and to remain true to

the muse.

By the

start of

the Settling

Down

period, three

themselves as serious, promising young novelists. several novels

give

up

ist,

fourth, having written

and some documentary nonfiction, decided

novels.

He

at this point to

cast his lot with the writing of nonfiction,

better suited to his talents partially

The

had established

away from the

and

original

but he continued to use

character. In

Dream and

making

first

his creativity in

this

which was

choice he turned

occupation of being a novel-

becoming

a first-rate nonfiction

author.

For the other selves

and

six novelists there

were

much

larger obstacles, in

them-

in their life circumstances, that complicated the effort to live out

the Dream. In

some

cases, the

Dream

of novel writing was in conflict with

other desires and with powerful external influences. Paul

Namson,

for

example, was drawn into the family brokerage business by a persuasive uncle

and by the part of himself that wanted to become a sucessful businessman (see Chapter 12) Although he did some writing during his twenties, he had .

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

to

go through a major

give writing a

some

In

crisis in

modest place

novelists, the

literary interests in college

business.

The

the

Age Thirty Transition before he could

,

in his life.

Dream remains

stunted. Carl Berg formed

but assumed that he would take over his

conflict with his father

was so

and determined to become a

writer.

two novels but was very divided

in his

left

95

severe, however, that

During

his twenties

commitment

some

father's

he soon

he published

to writing.

He

was

tremendously involved in the conflictful relationship with his father, to

whom

the idea of novel writing as an occupation was simply absurd. His

mother could not understand the meaning of writing for him and was emotionally quite distant. There was a chasm between his anti-intellectual

and the

pre-adult world

conditions the

Dream

writers'

world he was trying to enter. Under these

of writing could not grow. It was not until his early

when he had made some progress in resolving the inner conflicts and had married a loving woman, that he could devote himself more singlemindedly to writing. By this time, however, it was late to develop his talents. The initial Dream of becoming a respected novelist seemed very far from realization. Perhaps the wonder is that the Dream survived at all, thirties,

that the undernourished seedling

became even

a small tree.

Executives

The early Dream played an important part in many biologists and novelists. Only a few of were impelled by a youthful Dream. his college years

origins

An

the choice of occupation for

the ten executives, however,

example

is

Frank Radovich. During

he formed the Dream of leaving

and becoming the head of

his lower-middle-class

a major corporation.

become vice president in the corporate had amassed a personal fortune of over a

By age 32, he had company and

structure of a great

million dollars.

now

But

this

make

was merely

mark in a Age Thirty Transition ended, he founded his own small corporation. He looked forward to making his firm the giant of its industry and to becoming himself a leading figure on the international scene. Four executives made a strong commitment to work, but they did not have a special occupational Dream. Their Dream involved a certain kind of family-community life. They sought advancement as a reward for good work, but they were not prepared to sacrifice family and community ties to the claims of ambition. All of them spent the novice phase in their

the end of his novice phase: he was

new

preparing to

his

world. As the

original occupation (such as engineering or accounting)

management

in their early thirties.

and retained strong

ties to their

They were

and entered middle

of lower-middle-class origins

pre-adult ethnic worlds.

Three of them,

in

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

96

were living

their forties,

turned

down

in or near the

opportunities to

major geographical moves, but

move

towns where they were born and had

elsewhere.

in his forties

tional ambitions in favor of a stable

worked hard

most

he was

stability.

demands

The

restricting his occupalife.

All of

them

of occupational advance-

struggle was never easy

and

in

cases exacted a considerable cost.

Most

of the executives entered the managerial ranks in their

Transition, without a solid basis for long-term achievement tion as executives. Their primary interests, skills in the executive functions,

and

or accounting) or

made two

fourth had

family-community

to reconcile the conflicting

ment and family-community

The

hopes and

their

but in their original work (such

of

them became managers

numbers

large

aspirations

satisfac-

were not

as engineering

in non-occupational activities involving family, nature

Many

community.

pany needed

and

Age Thirty

and

illusions

early forties, however,

chiefly because the

com-

The company stimulated promotion. By their late thirties or

of middle managers.

about further

most managers have reached the

ceiling of their up-

The position they hold is often beyond their competence and satisfaction. They are left with neither their original occupational prefer-

ward

rise.

ences nor a managerial role through which they can live out important aspects of the

self.

Workers The

evolution of the

workers.

None

of

Dream

during the novice phase

them formed and

parable to those mentioned above.

through a

relatively

is

difficult, too, for

lived out an occupational

the

Dream com-

Only one worker, Ralph Ochs, went

simple sequence of forming a stable occupation, getting

married and starting a family during the novice phase. At the end of high school he became an apprentice plumber under his father in a manufacturing firm. a family,

lishing a

work

Over the next fifteen years he became a master plumber,, started moved out from under his father, and took an active part in estabunion. By his early thirties he was firmly settled in his occupation,

place, family

life lay in

and community.

He

took pride in his work, but the good

the total patterning of work, family and community. His adult

world had great continuity with the pre-adult world of within this world he built a

and

life reflecting his

his origins,

but

particular wishes, aspirations

values.

All of the other workers

went through

a

more complex sequence, with Most of them had a Dream

recurrent difficulties, during "the novice phase. relating to occupation,

Dream was

to

be a

but they could not

star professional athlete.

live it out.

In two cases the

Alby Russell was a

star athlete

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

in

high school and wanted to play professional

joined the military service and remained in

it

ball.

97

After high school, he

for almost

twenty

years.

At

19 he got married and soon started a family. In the service he devoted himself mainly to starring on the football, baseball and basketball teams. It in the Age Thirty Transition that he gave up the fantasy of becoming—and perhaps the illusion of actually being— a major-league athlete. In his early thirties he got seriously involved in his family life. He became a Little League coach and a teacher-mentor to young soldiers. In his abundant

was only

leisure

time he followed the fortunes of teams in several sports, watching

them on TV, reading

avidly about them,

and

in imagination functioning

as owner, manager and recruiter for each of them. His erudition in this

He

was amazing.

as a virtually full-time avocation,

pation of

in a special

but he could not make a true occu-

it.

Most workers had

them formed

end of the Age Thirty Transition, had marginal work

still

no evolving occupation throughout

various jobs but

the novice phase. Five of

others

Dream

thus continued to live out the

field

way,

their first stable occupation at the

after a rather transient

work

history.

workers go through the entire process of forming an occupational defining

it,

getting the needed support

their lives— during the novice phase.

involves a mixture of work, family

the

Dream remains

inchoate.

Two

and no defined occupation. Very few

skills

and

Dream-

and putting

training,

and community involvements. For others, perhaps

Still

it

For some, the vision of the good

into life

others,

the largest number,

begin the Early Adult Transition with fantasies about exciting kinds of

work and accomplishment, but the incipient Dream cannot be or explored. It

is

gradually covered over by the

articulated

more immediate problems

of survival.

The Mentor The mentor important, a

Relationship

relationship

man

is

one of the most complex, and developmen tally

can have in early adulthood.

several years older, a person of greater experience

the young

man

is

entering.

No

word

currently in use

the nature of the relationship

we have

selor" or "guru" suggest the

more

in

much

use the term,

it

narrower sense, to

means

all

mind

here.

is

ordinarily

seniority in the world is

adequate to convey

Words such

as

"coun-

subtle meanings, but they have other

connotations that would be misleading.

used in a

The mentor and

mean

these things,

The term "mentor"

is

generally

teacher, adviser or sponsor.

and more.

As we

THE SEASONS OF A

98

The mentoring

MAN S

LIFE

relationship

often situated in a work setting, and the

is

mentoring functions are taken by a teacher, boss, editor or senior colleague. It

may

also evolve informally,

Mentoring

relative.

is

when

the mentor

the character of the relationship and the functions receive very little

mentoring from

mentoring from an older friend or ship closely to discover the

men

the

reality:

We have

between the genders

to

examine a

of mentoring

all.

This

dominated occupations

A

men

or female,

have a salutary

mentor may be

scarce, especially in the as

effect

know from

into currently male-

on the development of

work world dominated by men

The few women who

world of work.

mentors are often too beset by the to provide

women. Some young women have male

stresses of survival in a

good mentoring

teachers or bosses

for

who

mentors. This cross-gender mentoring can be of great value.

value

is

less

than she

woman whose

ship, as girl

is

:

to regard her as attractive

Its actual

sexual attractiveness interferes

What

enhance the young man's

he may use

and advancement.

skills

and

mentor?

as

a-

He may

intellectual

friend-

charming

little

He may

young man's entry

be a host and guide, welcoming the

customs, resources and cast of characters. Through his living,

act as a teacher

development. Serving

his influence to facilitate the

occupational and social world and acquainting

ments and way of

gifted, as a

taken seriously.

are the various functions of the

as sponsor,

but not

with work and

an intelligent but impersonal pseudo-male or

who cannot be

new

younger function

often limited by the tendency, frequently operating in both of them,

make her

gifted

a

mentor can

as I

women. some evidence that women have even less mentoring, male than men. One of the great problems of women is that female

might serve

to

women

either

is

mentors are

to

the current

as well as

There

as

relation-

provides.

relationship with a female

increased entry of

will

may

further evidence of the gap

is

in our society. In principle, a

The

it

reflects

be an enormously valuable experience for a young man, experience.

student

had almost exclusively male mentors. Indeed,

friends at

the same gender or cross-gender.

my own

A

and very important

his teacher-adviser, relative.

amount and kind

in our study

women

they rarely had

serves.

it

mentors in the male gender. This

shall speak of

I

a friend, neighbor or

is

defined not in terms of formal roles but in terms of

the mentor

can admire and seek to emulate.

may be an exemplar

He may

initiate into

him with its values, own virtues, achievethat the protege*

provide counsel and moral support

in time of stress.

The mentor

has another function, and this

crucial one: to support

true mentor, in the

and

facilitate

meaning intended

is

developmentally the most

the realization oi the Dream. here, serves as

The

an analogue in adult-

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

hood

"good enough" parent

of the

adult's

giving

development by believing it

in

his blessing, helping to define the

discovered world, and creating a space in

on

He

for the child.

newly emerging

newly

self in its

Dream.

not a parent or crypto-parent. His primary function

is

be a transitional

Dream and

which the young man can work

a reasonably satisfactory life structure that contains the

The mentor

young

fosters the

him, sharing the youthful

adulthood, a young

figure. In early

man must

is

peer;

The mentor

If

he

is

he

is

very parental,

difficult for

it is

the generational difference and

and

entirely a peer,

man

cannot represent the advanced level toward which the younger striving. If

rela-

represents a mixture of parent

he must be both and not purely either one.

move toward

to

from

shift

being a child in relation to parental adults to being an adult in a peer tion with other adults.

99

he is

both of them to overcome

the peer relationship that

is

The

the ultimate (though never fully realized) goal of the relationship.

actual parents can serve certain mentoring functions, but they are too closely tied to their offspring's pre-adult theirs) to

be primary mentor

The mentor who his protege

by a half-generation, roughly 8

is

this are

both

(in

serves these transitional functions

a responsible, admirable older sibling.

than

development

his

mind and

figures.

Age

to 15 years.

differences

He

is

experienced as

much

greater or less

not common, and they pose special hazards.

a full generation older— say twenty years or

that the relationship will be symbolized

usually older than

is

When

more— there

by both

is

the mentor

a greater risk

in parent-child terms. This

tends to activate powerful feelings, such as excessive maternalism or paternalism in the elder, and dependency or Oedipal conflicts in the younger, that interfere with the

mentoring function.

When

the age difference

is

than 6 to 8 years, the two are likely to experience each other as peers.

may then be

less

They

intimate friends or collaborative co-workers, but the mentor-

ing aspects tend to be minimal. a person twenty or even fifty years older

Still,

may,

if

he

is

in

good

own and the other's youthful Dreams, function as a signifimentor figure. And a person the same age or even younger may have

touch with his cant

important mentoring qualities ing,

and

if

if

he has unusual expertise and understand-

both have the maturity to make good use of the mentor's

In the usual course, a young

man

initially

virtues.

experiences himself as a

novice or apprentice to a more advanced, expert and authoritative adult. As the relationship evolves, he gains a fuller sense of his his capability for

receiving

own

authority and

autonomous, responsible action. The balance of giving/

becomes more equal. The younger man increasingly has the experiam" as an adult, and their relationship becomes more mutual.

ence of "I

This shift serves a crucial developmental function for the young man:

it

is

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

lOO

part of the process

LIFE

by which he transcends the father-son, man-boy

Although he

sion of his childhood.

and desperately wants

21,

S

to

is

be one,

denned

officially

takes

it

many

years to

The

sense of being a son or a boy in relation to "real" adults.

divi-

an adult at 18 or

as

overcome the

process extends

over the entire novice phase of early adulthood and becomes problematic again in the late thirties (see Chapter 9). Mentors can thus play a signifi-

cant role throughout early adulthood.

have described the mentoring relationship in

I

constructive form.

and form matter.

A

of

Of

mentoring involved. Mentoring

may be remarkably

relationship

and yet be

its

most developed and

course, relationships vary tremendously in the degree

is

beneficial to the

younger person

For example, a teacher or boss cares for and

seriously flawed.

sponsors a protege, but

not a simple, all-or-none

is

he behaves destruc-

so afraid of being eclipsed that

A

may be very limited and yet have tively at crucial moments. great value in certain respects. Some men have a purely symbolic mentor whom they never meet. Thus, an aspiring young novelist may admire an relationship

older writer, devour his books, learn a great deal about his

an idealized internal figure with

whom

he has a complex relationship.

man

In a "good enough" mentoring relationship, the young

and love

tion, respect, appreciation, gratitude

weigh but cannot entirely prevent the opposite ority,

envy, intimidation. There

feels

feelings

admira-

These out-

for the mentor.

a resonance

is

and create

life,

resentment,

:

inferi-

between them. The elder

has qualities of character, expertise and understanding that the younger

admires and wants to

make

The young man

parts of himself.

spurred on by the shared sense of his promise. Yet he

doubt:

Can he

ever

become

all

that both of

ent times— or even at the same

them want him

moment—he

excited

is

and

also full of self-

is

to be?

At

differ-

experiences himself as the

inept novice, the fraudulent impostor, the equal colleague and the rising

who

star

someday

will

Mentoring

is

is

of the mentor.

best understood as a form of love relationship. It

cult to terminate in a reasonable, civil it

beyond those

soar to heights far

manner. In

between parents and grown

like the intense relationship

is

diffi-

this respect, as in others,

offspring,

or between sexual lovers or spouses.

The mentoring

relationship lasts perhaps

age, eight to ten years at most. It

jobs or dies.

Sometimes

period, the pair

with a gradual

form

loss of

a

it

comes

to a natural

warm but modest

involvement.

Most

relationship ends with strong conflict

young man may have powerful

two or three years on the

aver-

may end when one man moves, changes end and,

after a cooling-off

friendship. It

often, however,

and bad

feelings

may end

on both

sides.

feelings of bitterness, rancor, grief,

ment, liberation and rejuvenation.

The

totally,

an intense mentor

sense of resonance

is

The

abandonlost.

The

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

now experienced as destructively make one over in his own image individuality and independence. The mentor

mentor he formerly loved and admired and demanding, or

critical

101

is

as seeking to

rather than fostering one's

only yesterday was regarded as an enabling teacher and friend has

who

a tyrannical father or smothering mother.

become

The mentor,

for his

young man inexplicably touchy, unreceptive to even the rebellious and ungrateful. By the time they are irrationally best counsel, through, there is generally some validity in each one's criticism of the part, finds the

other.

And

so

it

ends.

Much

of

its

value

may be The

ships generally— after the termination.

realized— as with love relationconclusion of the main phase

does not put an end to the meaning of the relationship. Following the separation, the younger

more

fully into himself.

to listen to the voices

man may take the admired qualities of the mentor He may become better able to learn from himself,

from within. His personality

the mentor a more intrinsic part of himself.

cant figures

is

The

is

enriched as he makes

internalization of signifi-

a major source of development in adulthood.

Forming an Occupation It

is

often assumed that by his early twenties a

a firm occupational choice

This assumption

is

and be launched

the end of adolescence.

We have found that the sequence above version suggests.

tion, a

normally ought to have

erroneous. It reflects the prevailing view that develop-

ment is normally complete by

narrow and

man

in a well-defined line of work.

The imagery

superficial. It

far

is

more

more

longer and

is

of deciding

difficult

than the

on an occupation

useful to speak of forming

is

too

an occupa-

complex, social-psychological process that extends over the entire

novice phase and often beyond.

An

initial serious

when

choice

is

usually

made during the

the

first

choice seems to be very definite,

it

usually turns out to repre-

sent a preliminary definition of interests and values. interests into occupation

may

Early Adult Tran-

Entering the Adult World, sometime between 17 and 29. Even

sition or

is

The

transformation of

rarely a simple or direct process.

A

young man

struggle for several years to sort out his multiple interests, to discover

what occupations, if any, might serve as a vehicle for living out his interests, and to commit himself to a particular line of work. Often, he seriously considers

two or more occupational

novelist,

Paul

Namson

(see

directions.

Chapter 12)

.

A vivid

example

is

given by our

THE SEASONS OF A

102

MAN S

Young men who make

LIFE

commitment

a strong occupational

twenties, without sufficient exploration of external options

in the early

and inner

prefer-

come to regret it later. On the other hand, those who don't commitment until the thirties, or who never make one, are deprived

ences, often

make

a

work that

of the satisfaction of engaging in enduring

One

is

suitable for the self

human development is that we are required to make crucial choices before we have the knowledge, judgment and self-understanding to choose wisely. Yet, if we put off these choices until we feel truly ready, the delay may produce other and

and valuable

for society.

greater costs. This

of the great paradoxes of

two great choices

especially true of the

is

of early adult-

hood: occupation and marriage.

Once values

his initial choice of

and

way, a

credentials.

and

identity

occupation

He must

is

made,

a

man must

acquire

develop a more differentiated occupational

establish himself within the occupational world.

man may

fail

skills,

or drop out, to begin again

Along the

on a new path.

He may

stay narrowly within a single track or try several directions before settling

more

firmly

on one.

The sequence

lasts several years.

A

scientist or professional (such as

academic biologist) spends many years

must

novelist

as a

student in the university.

discipline himself to the solitary

work of writing out of

an

A his

own

imagination. Executives usually spend their twenties in engineering,

sales

and

management. Hourly workers

lower-level

years to explore the

work world, acquire some

need several

in industry

training

and experience, get

move beyond the apprenThe sequence varies, the course of the novice phase. Not

acquainted with a particular industry and union,

more

tice status

and

but for

occupations

all

until the

find a

The

extends over

end of the Age Thirty Transition does

and assume

pational novitiate

biologist

it

stable occupational niche.

level of

attainment a

may be an

a

man complete

a fully adult status in the

man

his occu-

work world.

reaches by age 33 or 34 also varies.

associate professor with a national reputation or

assistant professor just starting to

do independent

research.

A

A an

novelist

may be a celebrated "promising young writer" or an unknown. An executive may be on the first rung of management or near the top. A worker may be a highly skilled machinist

and shop steward or an unskilled laborer without

job security.

The sequence

of forming an occupation

and monotonic, progressing

A man

shifts in direction.

tum on

it

until

This sequence

he is

is

is

in

in a straight line

sets

some

cases relatively direct

without gross conflicts or

himself a course and maintains his

fully "in the

occupation"

and ready

well exemplified by several (though by

biologists in our study. In college they

make

momen-

to settle

down.

no means

all)

become

aca-

the decision to

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

demic

biologists.

This choice

103

consistent with intense earlier interests,

is

such as the outdoors, hiking, reproductive phenomena, a basement chemistry lab,

tinkering with the hands.

They may

consider other occupational

choices, such as medicine or engineering, but

by the end

of college they

perhaps to take them out again in a later

set aside the alternative options,

period. After four or five years in graduate school, they often take a year

or

two of postdoctoral study, and then

fessor.

Some men complete

after they

the

the

a university position as assistant pro-

Age Thirty Transition

at this time, others

have been faculty members for a few years. Only at the end of

Age Thirty

Transition, however, does a

man complete

the preparatory

phase of his occupational development. Our biographee John Barnes an example of It

is

this sequence, as

commonly assumed

steady, single-track

we

shall see in

men

that

It

among

healthy than others. Even

17.

normally form an occupation in this

manner. However,

any of our occupational groups.

Chapter

is

is

this

sequence was not the norm in

not necessarily more "normal" or

whom

the biologists, for

the university

training system exerts a powerful socializing influence, there are other

sequences of equal or greater frequency.

For example, one of the most creative biologists

Morgan, quit high school

years in military service, then returned

Not

yet ready to go out

He spent three home and completed college at 24.

on

his

own, he remained

study and did excellent independent research. shift to

in our study, Barry

at 16 against his parents' wishes.

for

He

two

years of graduate

make the

could then

graduate work in a first-rank biology department, where he com-

pleted his doctoral degree at 31.

Morgan's choice of biology was made in Adult Transition. of adult

life.

It

Still,

was consonant with

college,

he had recurrent doubts about

through a three-year

"crisis of

during the Early

his early interests

and

commitment" before

and went

finishing the

degree. It was only at 33, after a postdoctoral fellowship

and

Ph.D.

a year's teach-

ing in an elite university, that he completed the novice phase

barked upon a more responsible, autonomous career. About

was also

Dream

his

this choice,

this

and emtime he

able, at last, to get married.

The novelists went through other complications during this formative phase. They generally had strong pre-adult interests in writing. By the Early Adult Transition, in most cases, a budding novelist was actively en-

gaged in writing and had formed the vicissitudes of that

Dream

Dream

of

becoming

The

a writer.

over the next fifteen years differed widely from

one writer to another. In no case was the course simple or monotonic. of our writers, Kevin Tyrone, got married just before finishing college at age 23.

He

and completed

his

first

One

novel

spent the next four years in a

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

104

highly encapsulated writing.

Work and

and

structure containing primarily his marriage

supporting his literary

efforts.

Her work, and By age

part-time job, provided an income at low emotional cost.

he had published three books and established

become

At 28 Tyrone was

a

28,

he could begin to believe

genuine writer.

a hard

and

serious worker,

The

not constitute a money-earning occupation.

He became

his

a reputation as a creative

Now

(but not commercially successful) novelist. that he might

his

marriage were organically linked by his wife's role in

Dream and

sustaining his

own

life

LIFE

but

work did

his writing

straight line

had to

zigzag.

a part-time instructor in writing at an excellent university, with

the blessing and the sponsorship of his devoted mentor. During the next

Age Thirty

Transition, he

became an English

professor at another university, continuing his writing

and giving up the

four years, in the course of his

mentoring relationship that had served so well for about ten

many

Like

other men, and virtually

all novelists,

years.

Tyrone had formed

a hyphenated occupation. His version of this was writer-professor. In the

period of Entering the Adult World, he established the groundwork for

an identity and career

on earning tion to

a living

as a novelist;

and he learned that he could not count

by writing novels.

He

then used the Age Thirty Transi-

form a new, academic occupation. In

Settling

Down

period with a

life

his early thirties,

he started the

structure built around his two-sided occu-

pation and his family. It

is

often assumed that the

adulthood are simple and

static

:

life

courses of working-class,

they complete

get jobs, marry and start families,

all

or

most

men

of high school,

and by the mid-twenties are on paths

that will continue with minimal

change— barring

misfortune— for many

findings contradict this view.

class

men

years.

Our

surprises of fortune or

Working-

go through the same underlying developmental periods

in other classes

in early

and occupations, though they have

their

own

as those

class-related

problems of entering the adult world and establishing a place for themselves within

it.

Eight of the ten workers in our sample experienced great

difficulty

forming a satisfactory occupation in Entering the Adult World

and had

a

An

moderate or severe

example

is

crisis in

sample. In childhood

Thomas was known

(who had abandoned the brother who was more studious and

father"

the family.

the

Age Thirty

Transition.

Floyd Thomas, one of the three Black workers in our

Thomas

as the

"bad" son, "just

like his

family), -in contrast to the "good" industrious, like the mother's side of

quit high school in the eleventh grade,

worked

in a

foundry and at 18 enlisted in the army during the Korean War. While in basic training

woman who had He performed well

he married a

stable, middle-class life.

been to college and led a more in

Korea

as a

demolition tech-

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

and was promoted

nician

AWOL

he then went

to sergeant; but

105

and was

discharged.

A

civilian at 22,

Thomas

rejoined his wife in her

home

town. After a

few months of holding a menial job and living a conventional

For the next four years he lived

He worked

with his

life

own home

wife and her family, he deserted her and returned to his

"on the

a rather disorganized life

town.

street."

mostly in gambling and numbers, occasionally holding a more

standard job until

it

became too

oppressive. His

was to become a boxing champion.

It

Dream

during this time

was not possible to make boxing

his

primary occupation, but he had a manager (a partial but important mentor)

and established his wife,

who

a local reputation.

He had two

or three brief reunions with

helped him become more independent of his mother. By

age 26 he was becoming increasingly distressed with his chaotic

life

and

aware that he would never realize his boxing Dream.

Thomas's Age Thirty Transition (age 27 to 31) was a time of struggle and recurrent crisis. He used it to terminate the fragmented life structure and to create the wife,

new

basis for a

boys at the community center. ships

life.

With

the help of his manager and his

he gave up the abortive boxing career and instead taught boxing to

and strengthened

He

limited his extramarital sexual relation-

commitment

his

church at 28 and maintained a modest operator in a local factory, he

became

He

to the marriage.

rejoined the

Finding a job

tie to it.

a skilled worker

as

machine

and received

several

promotions.

By

31

he and

Thomas had

his wife

established the structure of his

worked, they could afford two

an increasingly middle-class were

less severe

life

The

style.

but recurrently acute. His

new

life.

Since both

cars, regular vacations

and

tensions within the marriage

social life

was mainly "with the

boys" playing golf and engaging in milder versions of the :

earlier

gambling,

drinking and sexual promiscuity. His world and his wife's remained largely separate. His istic,

commitment

sexually forbidding

to her

was

still

and intolerant of

conflicted:

he found her moral-

his carefree, sensual side;

but she

provided a stable center that he needed and could find no other way of obtaining.

At the end

of his novice phase

he was forming a

life

structure that

could contain and give expression to these contradictory parts of himself,

but they coexisted

in

an uneasy truce, not

fully integrated. It

work of subsequent developmental periods tically

change

For

all

to integrate,

would be the

modify or

dras-

this structure.

the occupations, our general finding

is

this:

the process of form-

ing an occupation extends over the novice phase of early adulthood.

The who make an early, intense commitment to an who remain undecided, and for those who make

process goes on for those

occupation, for those

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

106

major occupational

shifts

during their twenties. At the end of the Age

Thirty Transition, the more open, formative phase

concluded.

is

A man

must now make more enduring choices and build on the groundwork tablished by that point.

The

es-

formative process continues throughout early

adulthood, but usually within the pattern established by the early

thirties.

Forming a Marriage and Family While the wedding and the

birth of the

first

child are important marker

events in the history of the family, the process of forming a marriage and

family starts well before the marker events and continues long afterward. As

with a man's occupation, his marriage and family

go through a highly

life

much

formative process throughout the novice phase and often

The

longer.

process starts in a man's Early Adult Transition and continues in

the succeeding periods. His

first

developmental task

is

to

form the capa-

having adult peer relationships with women. These relationships

bility of

may have many components

in

many combinations:

affection, sexuality,

emotional intimacy, dependency, nurturing, romantic love, friendship, laboration, respect, admiration, enduring

young man to

commitment.

to learn about his inner resources

women, and about what they it is

about him that

women

takes time for a

It

vulnerabilities in relation

demand and withhold from him. He

offer,

has a lot to learn about the characteristics of

what

and

col-

women

that attract him,

find appealing. His pre-adult

and

development

prepares him, partially but never sufficiently, to undertake this develop-

mental work. But

it

also leaves

him with

tification.

This legacy complicates his

seriously,

and to

join with

one

a legacy of guilt, anxiety

efforts to

woman

know women,

man

remains a novice at this task until the early

relating to the feminine in others

velopmental

And tions,

and

to take

them

in the long-term enterprise of build-

ing a marriage and family. In the light of these difficulties,

der that a

and mys-

in himself should

it is

small won-

thirties,

and that

be a lifelong de-

task.

yet, ready or not,

young men

in all cultures, for countless genera-

have been marrying and starting families in the novice phase. There

has probably never been a society in which the average age at

first

marriage

was greater than 25 years. (China may become a modern exception, through rigorous government policy, but this remains to be seen.) There are, of course, individuals and subgroups who marry later for the total population

or not at

all.

Powerful forces impelling us toward some form of marriage

and family seem

to

be given

in the biological

the individual and in the nature of

human

and psychological makeup of society.

The

question

is

not

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

whether to have the family institution

is

societal conditions.

adulthood needs to form

in early

women

ships with

as well as

He

men.

relatively

some measure both the self. Under reasonably

to live out in

1

the "masculine "

and the "feminine" aspects of

favorable conditions, being a

ment.

It

husband and father contributes

developmental

in part a

is

How

a

and

and family

this occurs

on a

met

is

it

also

for society.

man-woman

relation-

crucial for the well-being of individual,

Given the fundamental importance of these

species.

unable to

is

large scale

and has destructive consequences are

to his develop-

young man

well these developmental tasks involving

ships, marriage

society

when

failure

When

function adequately in the family. reflects a failure of society

enduring relation-

also needs to accept the responsi-

and pleasures of parenthood and

bilities

but what form of family

as a social institution,

best suited to foster the development of children and parents

under particular

A man

107

tasks, it

is

we must choose a partner and start a family before we quite know what we are doing or how to do it well. This is another of the bootstrap operations so common in human develop-

astonishing that nature's timing

ment, and another aspect of

is

so bad:

human complexity, growth and irrationality. man vows to maintain a long-term relacreate and raise a family. The fact that he un-

In deciding to marry, a young tionship and, ordinarily, to

dertakes this obligation does not necessarily mean, however, that he

Most men in their commitment to wife and

pared for inner

it.

loving, sexually free If a

man

twenties are not ready to family,

is

pre-

make an enduring

and they are not capable of a highly

and emotionally intimate

relationship.

marries during his Early Adult Transition (age 17 to 22), as

about half of our sample did, he has had relationships with adult

little

women. Courtship and

experience in forming peer marital choice are likely to

be heavily bound up with the tasks of the Early Adult Transition, and pecially with his efforts to separate

grownup and

from parents.

an exploitive

forts to establish

He

is

and

others.

He

In the Early Adult Transition, a young man's

act.

is

so often a frightening mysef-

an intimate marital relationship are complicated by his

continuing sense of himself as a figure.

is

es-

wants both to be very

to maintain his pre-adult ties to parents

hardly a step beyond adolescence, where sex tery or

He

engaged

little

in a struggle

boy

in relation to a powerful maternal

both to express and to control his various

fantasies of this figure as devouring witch, feeding breast, sexual seducer,

humiliating rejecter, willing servant and demanding master. His wife attracts

him

in part because she

his inner

maternal

seems to lack the qualities he

figure.

Yet

their relationship

may

fears

and

resents in

actually contain these

and other aspects of the mother-son interaction (such as her indulging or admiring him), which in time are likely to become more problematic.

About 30 percent

of the

men

in our study got married during the period

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

108

World

of Entering the Adult

(roughly age 22 to 28). These marriages are

colored by the tasks of this period and enriched by the developmental work

done

in the Early

Adult Transition. Now, a

the termination of pre-adulthood and

He

structure.

and want to share

life

Still,

ten the

goals

planned

his

usually arises within,

and the

woman who

seeks a

he

and

is

is

is

man

more

has

first

adult

out life

emerging aspirations

will appreciate his

life

fully carried

actively building his

with him. Marriage during

consonant with, the adult world he

this period is

entering

setting.

many sources of difficulty for these marriages as well. Ofcouple who marry in this period have known each other since the there are

Early Adult Transition or before. However, the relationship formed earlier is

less suitable for

formed

subsequent periods. This

up

in the teens usually break

arability. If

the couple do marry,

it is

is

one reason why romances

after several years of

seeming insep-

frequently with serious misgivings in

one or both partners— misgivings that are suppressed out of a sense of obligation to the partner or to the family If a

man

is still

and

network.

social

a bachelor in his late twenties,

he

is

likely to "get

serious" about marrying during his Age Thirty Transition.

or pressed to marry by parents, friends

He

is

more

encouraged

and occupational network, and by

voices within himself. His bachelorhood

may

earlier

have been a delight:

an opportunity to explore, to be sexually promiscuous, to have a few ous (but flawed) love

women

Age Thirty as a

affairs,

without worrying too

or even to remain emotionally distant from

much about

having a "problem." During his

Transition, however, being unmarried

gap in his

life,

a lacuna in the life structure.

usually experienced

sample

begins mar-

did, has the pos-

advantage of knowing more about himself and his relationships with

women, and past.

is

The man who

ried life during this period, as 20 percent of our sible

seri-

He

of having resolved

more

fully

some

also has the possible disadvantage of

of the conflicts

from the

marrying under pressure.

he may make the choice in an effort to more than to fulfill a deep love relationship. Whatever the period in which marriage occurs, all marital relationships begin with some combination of strengths and problems. A couple is never fully prepared for marriage, no matter how long and how well the partners Feeling that this

"normalize" his

his last chance,

is

life

have known each other. Couples tionship

may

who

settle early for a very limited rela-

find this sufficient for a while, but in time the discontents

will erupt in gross conflict or will lead to a stagnant marriage.

developmental work periods of the tory ways.

The

life

is

Continuing

required of individuals and couples in successive

course,

stability of

if

the marriage

is

to evolve in mutually satisfac-

marriage as an institution has traditionally been

sustained by the binding forces of culture, religion, extended family

and

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

law— and,

frequently,

by the

109

acceptance of discreet extramarital

tacit

rela-

tionships. In contemporary society, as the legitimacy of authority and the

bonds of

social integration are

stitutional support

A

weakened, marital

women

man's love relationships with

many

functions.

I

want

to describe

him

is

dinarily includes loving, romantic, tender

beyond

this.

The

special

woman

is

many forms and

one type of relationship,

man.) This

as the special

efforts of the spouses.

can take

a

in

serve

which he

may

ex-

unique relationship that

or-

woman. (She

experiences her as the special (loved and loving)

perience

stability receives less in-

and depends much more on the

and sexual

like the true

too

but

feelings,

goes

it

mentor: her special quality

her connection to the young man's Dream. She helps to animate the

lies in

part of the self that contains the

Dream. She

facilitates his entry into

the

adult world and his pursuit of the Dream. She does this partly through her

own

At

a deeper psy-

own

internal fem-

actual efforts as teacher, guide, host, critic, sponsor.

him

chological level she enables

to project onto her his

inine figure— the "anima," as Jung has depicted it— who generates

and sup-

The special woman helps him to shape and live Dream she shares it, believes in him as its hero, gives it her blessjoins him on the journey and creates a "boundary space" within which

ports his heroic strivings.

out the ing,

:

can be imagined and his hopes nourished.

his aspirations

Like the mentor, the special adulthood, a

become

a

man

is

woman

is

a transitional figure.

struggling to outgrow the

more autonomous

adult.

The

little

boy

woman

special

During

can foster his adult

aspirations while accepting his dependency, his incompleteness

need to make her into something more than (and Later, in the Mid-life Transition,

With

person.

and

will

special

A only

have

he

will

need of the actual and the

more complete

his is.

in himself

illusory contributions of the

woman.

couple can form a lasting relationship that furthers his development if it

also furthers hers. If his sense of her as the special

mainly from his wishful projections and hardly at sires

and

than) she actually

have to become a more individual

further development, he will be less

less

early

and to

in himself

and

cheated.

ment

efforts, If in

stems

from her own de-

all

sooner or later the bubble will burst and both will feel

supporting his

will suffer

woman

and both

Dream

will later

she loses her own, then her develop-

pay the

price. Disparities of this

often surface in transitional periods such as the

kind

Age Thirty Transition

or

the Mid-life Transition.

A

man's wife may be his special

scribed. Alternatively, they

porting but has

little

may have

woman

in the sense

a relationship that

is

I

have

connection to his Dream. Indeed, his wife

certain crucial respects be antithetical to his

Dream.

just de-

loving and sup-

What

may

in

she loves in

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

110

S

LIFE

him, and what she wants to build into their pursuit of the

life,

may hinder

or preclude the

Dream. Choosing to marry her was, in effect, choosing to Dream. If her Dream is different from his,

follow a direction away from the or antagonistic to

be dealt with

to

their marriage starts

it,

in time.

A

tional"

only after

conflict.

an aspect of the current controversy between the various "tradi-

and "liberated" versions of the woman's

woman,

tional is

is

may emerge

disparity of this kind

produce bitter discontent and

years of marriage, often to

This

with a contradiction that will have

life.

primarily involved in her roles as wife

For the more

tradi-

and mother, the Dream

Her identity is largely him to realize his him pulls too far from him too much and preoccupies

to have a certain kind of family

and community

life.

fashioned on and appended to the husband's. She helps

Dream, unless it marriage and family. His Dream thus pursuing her interests. forties

:

The

serves as a vehicle for defining

and

big challenge for her comes in the thirties and

her husband and children need her

less

and

offer

her

less,

and she

must then form a more distinctive identity of her own. The more liberated woman tries to form her own specific Dream. If she gets seriously involved in an occupation, she and her husband must

make tremendous

efforts at

mutual accommodation and individual develop-

ment. Acknowledging and managing the is

a crucial

problem

in the relationship

hard enough to form a

life

disparities

between

between

lovers

structure around one person's

Dreams

structure that can contain the

I

have discussed

this

Ultimately, of course, of

it

the man, the woman,

The End How

satisfactory

ill

is

a heroic task

prepared

us.

must be examined from the multiple perspectives the marriage, family and society.

were the

(a)

structures of our

life

To

life

answer

men

in category a,

The

five

men

we

as the

(c)

(b) mixed

predominantly negative. There

twenty in b and

in the

Age Thirty

divided the sample

structure predominantly positive;

inantly positive" category included three workers

other groups.

men

this question,

negative, or ambiguous;

and

fifteen

It is

of the Novice Phase

into three groups:

were

and spouses.

matter chiefly from the vantage point of the man.

Transition drew to a close?

positive

Dreams

Dream. Building a

of both partners

indeed, and one for which evolution and history have

their

five in c.

The "predom-

and four from each of the

"predominantly negative" category

in-

cluded three biologists, one executive and one novelist.

While some

life

structures are

more

satisfactory than others,

no structure

Major Tasks of the Novice Phase

is

without flaws and contradictions. Even the best structure has

tions

and must

in

time be changed. Every stable period

within and enhance a particular structure.

live

tional period devoted to

the basis for a

To

tains

is

limita-

used to build,

is

followed by a transi-

modifying or destroying that structure and creating

new but never permanent

stability.

get a sense of the developmental changes that occur during the

novice phase, trast

It is

its

111

it is

instructive to

remarkable.

some elements from the

new

the context of a

compare

A qualitatively new past,

a man's life at 17

structure

and

emerging.

is

33.

con-

but their meaning has changed within

In the Early Adult Transition a man's

life.

The

always con-

It

life is still

and the pre-adult world; the process getting under way. He has a Dream, inchoate or differ-

strongly rooted in the family of origin

of separation entiated,

is

just

and diverse hopes,

Fifteen years

later, in

plans for the future.

fears, fantasies,

the early

thirties, his

adolescence seems part of

the distant past, far removed from the current world.

continued to

live in

community and

the same

have brought changes in the fabric of his in a

new

geographical locale and a

he almost certainly has remarried— and

altered dramatically.

parents

may have

becoming

is

what

it

means

to

or, if

they are

them

a parent to is

alive,

new

taking a it

By

he

this

lives

time

even divorced and

is

shifting toward his

Even

if

ways from

these choices. If they are well

The

character of

his present

occupation

contains possibilities and limitations he did cases, the

occupation

his earlier expectations.

a

man moves toward major new

choices or recommits himself to existing choices.

made— from

A

great deal hinges

on

the viewpoint of the individual's

values, talents, possibilities— they provide the center for a relatively

satisfactory life structure. If the preparatory

and the new structure ingly painful

more

has

be a husband and father has

the balance

shape.

As the Age Thirty Transition ends,

Dream,

is

or losing contact with them.

the one he had hoped for,

different in crucial

man

often, however,

not imagine in the Early Adult Transition. In most is

a

So too has the meaning of being a son: one or both

died

his occupational life

Most

if

changing times

sociocultural world.

and family— perhaps

a wife

his sense of

life.

new

Even

social context,

difficult

is

flawed,

life

work has been poorly done Down will become increas-

in Settling

and attempts to create a more and costly.

satisfactory structure will

be

The

V

Life

James Tracy, Executive (I) of

in 1924 in Exeter, New Hampshire, were about 27 years old. In 1929 they moved to Haverstraw, a small New York town, and Jim's only sibling, George, was

James Bradford Tracy was born

when both

his parents

born that same She and

year.

family revolved around Jim's mother.

fought like cats and dogs.

I

continually losing that

The

my

temper

wasn't supposed to lose

I

intelligent, a strong ruler

and

We

both had tempers, and

her or she at me. She ground

at

my

it

I

into

was

me

temper. She was a very strong person, very

clearly ran the

whole show.

His mother had graduated, Phi Beta Kappa, from Sweet Briar College in Virginia.

Our

She was ambitious,

willful, bright

personalities are quite a bit alike.

question about that, and

still

and domineering: She ruled the

does. She's always

roost,

there's

no

been very active in town.

She was president of the garden club, head of the

local welfare society,

My

mother and father got along quite well, I'd say, and still do. They have been married almost 50 years; they're about 75. My growing up was reasonably normal, if there's any such thing. I had friends, played baseball and football. I was always very interested in athletics. wheel

a big

in the

town.

Jim's recollections of his early

life

focused on his mother.

He had

less

to say about his father:

My father came from a very poor family in Maine. His father died when he was three years old and he was brought up by his mother and worked from childhood on. He was the youngest of seven children in a tiny town. He

got a scholarship out of high school to the University of Maine, went

there three years, got the war fever and a pilot

and never graduated from

went into World War I. He became There was no GI Bill, or that

college.

kind of thing.

My

father's bright,

I'm not saying he has better than average intelligence,

but he's a smart guy and had a very good job

head

industrial engineer,

not well

off

which

is

at

Owens-Corning.

a very responsible job.

He

was

While we were

during the depression, we certainly had food and clothing and

:

The were a hell of a

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

than a

lot better off

lot of people.

113

never wanted for

I

anything.

His mother's side of the family was clearly superior in terms of

and accomplishment.

creativity

A

upwardly mobile

a well-to-do Protestant family, she married a lower-class,

Catholic

New

England college dropout. Although her husband was

man and good

Robert Bradford, who was

charismatic than her husband.

and had

flower

was a heroic

My

The

Bradfords had

To young

settled in Boston.

far more powerful and come over on the May-

Jim, his maternal grandfather

figure

grades ever recorded.

He ended up

grandfather was a great big

—

a

huge man.

A

lot of

as

I

him but he and I got Anyhow, cars, came in one day and

was

My

just a little kid.

him and

take

proud of the

fact that

he threw Kettering bodily out of

to Detroit.

be one of his goddamn

basic patents,

My

with a violent

people were afraid of

Kettering, the inventor of the electric starter for

to

electrical field.

six feet four,

tried to hire

him

took a

and had the highest

an inventor in the

man, about

tall

along very well, for some reason or other, and

want

He

grandfather went to Rensselaer Polytechnical Institute.

four-year course in electrical engineering in three years

temper

a stable

might well have been a rebellious

provider, the marriage

act against her father,

class,

well-educated, genteel young lady from

flunkies.

which he sold to General

grandfather was always very

He had

his shop.

don't

I

He

didn't

know how many

Electric.

When

he was 34 years old, he accidentally lost the sight of one eye and weakened the other. He had to quit inventing because he couldn't see, and he lived for the rest of his life on his royalties. He lived very well. He had a Cadillac ,

and

a big

acres of land right

house

smack

orchards'. I

used to have to do

and then

would be able

He book

I

middle of Darien

my

chores,

in his

about four gardens and

garden every morning,

started writing history books about the Pilgrims. There's a fabulous

which he gave

collection about the Pilgrims

think

work

He had

—woods,

to play in the afternoon.

a cantankerous old bastard

my

in Darien, Connecticut.

in the

I

in his later years,

me

in his will.

He

was

but a very bright guy.

I

was closer than most anyone to him, which was strange, because

cousin lived with him. But

I

got the Pilgrim books, which were his

prize possession.

He first

gave the world things which

to

make

he did the same thing Jim's

I

think are quite important.

He

mother

for other industries.

carried the flavor

and power of

this

man. She had

temper, and so did Jim. She had his ambition, "intelligence and

made Jim

was the

printing presses run by electricity as opposed to steam, and

feel special,

will.

his

She

the favorite. She guided and sometimes pushed him.

:

1

THE SEASONS OF A

14

MAN S

LIFE

While Grandfather was the model, Mother was the one who nourished and sustained Jim's dream of himself have the same drive

I

as a leader of

my mother

had. I'm reasonably intelligent and

think I'm more like her in that respect. a quicker

My

mind than my

mother

is

who

father,

men

My

mind

I

more like hers. I have more methodical mind.

is

has a slower,

very quick.

Father paled by comparison. "He's always been sort of a shadow," Jim

"He

said.

and

I

hasn't

me

had very much influence on

Mke him, but he

just hasn't really

at

all.

He's been there,

had much influence on me." Father

remained in the background, overshadowed by the driving mother and genius grandfather.

Mother and grandfather stood

accomplishment and that was

for individual initiative,

but a

success; father represented stability,

stability

mundane.

His younger brother, George, was more passive, retiring figure.

like their

father— a shadowy,

George was the devalued one, who did not stand out

academically or in sports.

He

but he couldn't keep up with

was

good-looking and more outgoing,

large,

his older brother.

Jim Tracy was shy and introverted.

He

learned, via messages

from

his

mother, to exercise self-control and to commit himself only in situations

from which he would emerge looking good. ing to look foolish," he said at 44, a

good part of

to enter into

it,

but

I still

"I

had

when he was

hate to look foolish, just as

something where I'm not going to do

something where somebody

is

about not want-

a feeling

interviewed. "I've outgrown

my

son does.

I

hate

well. I just hate to

do

thinking that I'm compromising myself or

just looking silly."

In Haverstraw, a neighbor and retired naval captain

who had

"only

daughters," began, with Mother's encouragement, to treat Jim as a son.

When

Jim was ten he began going with the neighbor to football games at it was assumed that he would eventually attend the naval

Annapolis. Soon

academy. Jim enjoyed athletics tion,

to a

he compensated

as a boy.

With

his competitiveness

for his average ability

and was able to

and determinaexcel.

He went

YMCA summer camp which gave an award to the outstanding camper.

"Whoever won year.

Well,

I

that award automatically

won

damn

the

thing! It

very pleased, needless to say. So selor.

That's

how

I

I

went back

first

for

a counselor the next

time

I'd ever

won.

two more years

my summers." Winning that event. He had competed against his

spent

twelve was a symbolic

became

was the

as a

I

was

coun-

competition at peers,

and won.

His victory, free of parental influence and taking place hundreds of miles

from home, was an achievement of

his

own.

The

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

115

Feeling that the local high school was inadequate for her son, his mother

decided to send him to a

prep school. His father thought

was Jim might have to repeat a year of high school. Father struggled but, usual, Mother won. Through the influence of her old family friends, she first-rate

this

risky:

as

got her son into the

elite,

summer

to

school.

lost

I

had

I

He

Academy.

all-male Exeter

"half sophomore/half junior.

entered at 17 as a

and go

to take extra courses that year

only one year instead of two.

It

me

took

five years

to get through high school."

Exeter meant a marked change from the more casual Haver-

Socially,

straw public school:

During

my

a long time.

last

couple of years in high school,

Then

at the prep school

I

went with one

I

The

broke up with her.

around with in high school were interested in

athletics.

We

girl for

guys

I

ran

spent most of

our time playing seasonal sports.

I went out for track, and concentrated on being a distance runner. We played sports during the day and had movie dates on Friday and Saturday nights.

Exeter was pretty liberal as far as prep schools go.

They used

to give

weekend a month, where, if your grades were up, you could go to Boston and raise holy hell. We used to make out with local girls. Funny coincidence, a woman that my mother roomed with in college ran a local girls' school, which I thought was going to be a big "in" in terms of going us one

out with

and

I

girls. I tried it

once, but she gave

me

the biggest dog in the school

never went back. Exeter was a very tough school academically.

to study like hell.

I

had

didn't have time for anything else other than study-

I

ing and athletics. '

As graduation approached, the naval captain neighbor arranged

congressman to recommend Jim that

summer and

He

for Annapolis.

for his

took a competitive exam

placed second. r

You

talk

at Exeter

about blind luck.

were algebra and geometry.

the academy and

Then my local

The two

it

Then

I

I

had

who

Anderson traded a

to take in the

I

came

in

really got into action.

West

summer

took a seven-hour exam for

was on algebra and geometry.

friend Captain

congressman,

courses

second of 200.

He went

to the

Point for an Annapolis; sent two

guys to Annapolis rather than one to each.

Jim was being groomed by respected. It was she

who

his

mother

to

be the kind of

man she most who made

did the educational planning and

everything happen through the interventions of her Exeter friends, Captain

Anderson and the at

New

York congressman. Mother's dream that her son his Dream as well. Her family had landed Plymouth Rock. This heritage was carried by Grandfather, who symbol-

would become

a leader

was now

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

Il6

ized the heroic aspects of

American

Mother communicated

similar

and

creativity

transferred this legacy to Jim, favoring

him with

communicate

The Early Adult Jim started

it

He

themes of high achievement and leadership

to her first-born son. Father did not reject this orientation,

represent or

know-how.

industrial

a gift of cherished books.

in the

way

but he did not

Mother and her family

that

did.

Transition

Annapolis in 1943, at age 19. He was starting a transitional him into early adulthood. Because of the war, the

at

period that carried

academy had shortened

its

length of study to three years. During his

first

year, Jim did extremely well and ranked near the top of his class. He watched himself carefully, keeping tight control over his friendships and his academics.

was extremely

It

there and I

wanted

and

it's

rigid.

I

have tried to remember

an absolute blank.

to stay out of trouble.

really set

me

up.

I

.

had

a lot of history,

Dream found

Jim's its

I

.

Exeter

.

had good

four years into three and forgot a lot of courses that

did very well

I

my

first

year,

three weeks

mainly because

a very fine school academically,

is

During the war they crammed

grades.

never had

I

liked to have taken,, like philosophy.

math, sciences, a supportive

first

the "nonessential" subjects.

all

would have

my

environment

at the naval

emphasis upon authority, leadership and team

values of his family were given expression in his

We

wham wham wham.

tactics, just

effort.

life at

academy with

The

traditional

the academy.

He

taught at the Annapolis Sunday school. His grades began to drop during his

second year, and he eventually graduated in the middle of his

He then

class.

volunteered for the U.S. Marines.

At the naval academy, Jim had shown a lack ships with women. Talking excitedly about an athletic hero, he told several

was

his

Annapolis roommate,

which centered on the theme of

woman

the devouring

He

stories

of initiative in his relation-

my roommate for six months, He married a Hollywood

until

very nice guy. nailed him.

A

fabulous athlete

.

.

.

star,

but he was

he flunked

out.

He

was a

or she married him.

She

just totally innocent, and.

people would constantly take advantage of him, because he was absolutely naive.

And

boy, she did!

He

really got

taken to the cleaners.

Jim was not to be similarly consumed. In until

he met Victoria

in his last year.

fact,

She was

he did not date

seriously

a Catholic, the only child of

The an admiral

who had

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

died in combat during

World War

II.

117

Jim met her

one weekend when another midshipman brought her to Annapolis for a dance.

They began

a one-year courtship,

conducted primarily through the

mail: "She was very popular with a lot of different midshipmen. She was

thought of by various people.

relatively highly

I

dated her a

lot,

and we got

along very well. She was a good dancer."

Although Victoria was a

virgin,

Jim had had some prior sexual experi-

ence. Like his other relationships with

ship with Victoria lacked depth

women,

the long-distance relation-

and maturity.

During the Early Adult Transition, which Jim was completing at this man has to make preliminary choices out of which a new life struc-

time, a

ture can be

formed

in the next period.

academy with hopes of mindedly followed

Jim Tracy graduated from the naval

a distinguished career as a

this traditional

Marine

officer.

He

single-

path laid out by his mother and others.

little time or energy on personal relationships, especially with women. His Early Adult Transition was focused on career to the detriment

But he spent

of his personal

life.

These choices had consequences

for Jim's

subsequent

development.

Entering the Adult

World

After graduating at 22, Jim Tracy was assigned to a marine base in Virginia.

He

felt isolated.

married. "I

he

said.

having a

up

Two months

went down

"Some ball. I

he proposed to Victoria and they were

to Virginia after

I

graduated.

of the guys were married

thought

for three years. It

Victoria, the

later,

it

would be a

was lonely

I

did

I

like

as hell,"

they were

had been penned

it."

seemed a logical choice for someone hoping But there were problems from the start. For

brat,"

to rise in the military ranks.

one thing, Victoria's

great idea. ...

was a stupid move, but

"Navy

I

and they looked

religion:

They made me read a 1 500-page instrucThe head priest, a very fine guy, gave it to me, and I read it from cover to cover. The more I studied, the more I realized that I would never become a Catholic. I just couldn't believe it. And then I married I

got fed up with Catholicism.

tional book.

Victoria.

then

She went

just quit.

I

to a Catholic church.

I

went with her

never went back to church, which

for a* while

made me

and

feel guilty

every once in a while.

Victoria was quite frivolous: she spent most of her time at golf, bowling

and tennis with the other

officers' wives.

She was "kind of

cold, semif rigid,

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

Il8

and

a slob

a

poor housekeeper." Yet

my

time was "the best of

this

mar-

riage":

She didn't respond very well

She didn't

sexually.

She would be very interested

itself.

in foreplay.

much

act repulsed her, she just sure as hell didn't get

pretty happy. She was

good marriage

down

there.

Their

first

for the first year

We

had

Soon

and

a lot of fun.

who was

child, Linda,

their marriage.

lousy in bed, but

still

like the physical act

don't think the physical

I

out of

would

I

it.

say

a half, or at least the

She was

a

.

it

.

good companion.

not planned, was born two years after

anonymous women, some married, some

all

an

Irish

Victoria

became pregnant

after they returned to the States.

dren were their major

my

ties.

a pretty

time we were

but one younger than he. While he was having an intense

woman,

We were

the Tracys went to England, where Jim began

after,

a round of affairs with

.

was

A

again.

Tracy was

had no

I

That's the way I've always looked at

desire to

with

son, Robert, was born

Linda became "the apple of

love out to Linda because

affair

The two unplanned

27.

and

single,

my eye.

pour

it

...

I

chil-

poured

out to Victoria.

I'm not making any excuses for

it.

myself/'

His connection to Robert was minimal.

He

was treated equally with Linda.

didn't have the same affection for

obvious thing. that

I

It's

not that

loved her more,

if it's

I

think he must have sensed that

I

him

that

I

had

for Linda. It wasn't

him and

didn't like

possible to love

I

did like her.

I

any

It's just

someone more.

His feeling for his children contrasted sharply with his cold, distant, impersonal relationships with women. they were

The I

first affair

can't say

I

I

don't think

I

liked going to

The women were

casual types

did not have names;

*

that was really other than totally casual was an infatuation.

loved her;

desire for her. desire.

The women

literally sexual objects

was that strong, but

it

bed with

a mixture of

and others that weren't.

her,

and

some

it

I

felt a great

was an all-consuming

totally

spur-of-the-moment

wasn't a pattern other than they

It

were pebbles on the beach.

unexamined hopes

Jim's idealistic but

shattered. His relationships with other as a

husband and I

for a

good marriage had been

women made him

feel a failure

father.

didn't have any feelings of guilt as far as Victoria was concerned.

I

had a feeling of guilt as far as the family situation was concerned, because by that time I had a sense of loyalty to Linda, whom I was really very fond

of. I

think the

real

thing that kept

me

in

my

family was

my

daughter.

The As

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

Jim Tracy did well during these

a marine,

six years.

him.

in positions of authority over

him

pressed by Jim, and asked

met

marine general

kinds of people, heard

all

all sorts

of high-ranking people in the Navy.

Most

England was im-

in

college.

and was exposed

to a lot

them

of

in

war

his general to the

of things

always

Jim served for a year

his aide.

and during that time accompanied

that post, "I

A

become

to

There were

men were

promotions and the glimmer of a bright future. Older

119

now

are

admirals or

re-

tired."

These powerful men provided numerous opportunities and responsibiliTracy thrived, rose from company officer to battalion G-3, a planner

ties.

numbers of men. He attended

for large

for the paratroops, learned to tion, as a captain,

fly,

several military schools, volunteered

and became

a general's aide. In this posi-

he became an instructor of well-known admirals.

From roughly age 24 to 27, Jim Tracy knew many women. Only one of them had an identity for him— like Victoria, she was an admiral's daughter. They met while Jim was stationed at the war college. The one

that

was an admiral's daughter.

really flipped over

I

ing for the admiral and

it

would have been kind of

she was engaged to another

officer.

We

few months, and then she got married. it

was amusing.

much

four or five I

guess

it

I

of a I

I

was an usher I

sort of

broke

wasn't laughing too

live. I

off

it

.

.

We .

last

wedding, so

at the

corresponded for

sounds pretty sordid.

with the admiral's daughter, Tracy was taking a

affair it,

I

can laugh, but you know, a marine post

it.

I

about his sexual

thought about

was, running around with

risk.

a small

is

of those chances again."

frantic "prowling" quality

very badly about

felt

I

she went off with this guy.

would never take some

There was a I

were getting hot and heavy the

long as

as

it

was work-

was.

By having an

a bitch

Then

months and then

"Looking back on

community.

never forget

I'll

at the time!

I

a political scandal since

all

it

life.

quite a bit,

what

a son of

of those people's wives. It was a hell

way

to be. But I did it. I had a great sexual attraction to those girls. had an insatiable desire, something kept pushing me. I was conon the prowl, and I mean constantly.

sort of

stantly

Behind the prowling, there was I

felt a

sense of failure.

a

I

vague longing: just

had

a great, strong urge to

after people. It wasn't a guilt feeling against Victoria,

against felt

the principle. There was

that

what

faithful to

I

really

wanted was

them. That was a

married Victoria, and

I

real

but a

be chasing

guilt feeling

something wrong with me. to love

I

always

somebody and be completely

ambition that

I

was probably rationalizing

had. This was after

I

over the place.

I

all

1

20

THE SEASONS OF A MAN wanted

really

LIFE

S

somebody

to be faithful to

What

me

kept

at

it,

as

much

came right down and leave my kids,

to should

back

I'd

a

the time

woman he

anything in love

really get

I

I

was running around

was not feeling that

else,

with somebody, but

when

it

divorced and break up the family

off.

In his early twenties, Tracy's

budding career

as

madly

strongly about anybody. I'd be

his

all

madman.

like a

life

hardly knew. She lacked

had two primary elements:

structure

as a military officer,

and

many

his

new

marriage.

He

married

of the qualities required in this

occupational world. She could not support his heroic Dream. Soon the

marriage began to disintegrate, and instead of working on

By

were three elements in

28, there

Work

and the "other woman."

it,

he withdrew.

his life structure:

work, family

was central, although Jim was having serious

doubts about his suitability for military

life.

The

family was important, but

the relationship with Victoria was becoming progressively more destructive for

both of them.

Victoria. less to

He

He wanted

was not indifferent to the changing relationship with more, but

as things got worse,

he gave

less

and

tried

improve the marriage.

The

"other

woman"

played an important role: she allowed Jim to deal

with tensions by having two different series of

daughter

women

women

as foils.

Casual

with a

affairs

culminated in the intense relationship with the admiral's

when he was

27.

For the

first

time he experienced rejection by a

woman.

The Age Thirty

Transition

By

1952, at age 28, Jim Tracy

At

this point,

had had

six years of

he started asking himself:

Is

marriage and the marines.

there anything

more

to life

than the lock-pace of the marines, a cold marriage, and sexually exciting

but empty encounters with women? The rewards doled out by older

men

proved inadequate compensation for his lack of rapid advancement and his personal defeats.

He

did not have a special

woman

might have helped him sustain the Dream and give

it

or a

mentor who

expression.

On

his

own, awkwardly, he sought a new way.

Although he could not leave about leaving the marines. that his chances for

He had

becoming

desire for the military life

his family,

he began to think seriously

earned several promotions, but he

a general

were

nil.

More than

knew

that, his

was equally low. After stewing for several months,

Tracy volunteered for combat duty in Korea: "I had never been shot

at

and

The

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

Maybe

121

sounds corny, but I really meant it. I owed them something. Having missed World War II, I volunteered for combat in Korea." Volunteering for combat was a critical event. It marked the decision to end his military career. By going through the ordeal of combat, he could I

had

a peculiar philosophy.

the country educated me, and

felt

it

I

repay society, family and military, and leave the service with a sense of

The

dignity.

new ways

volunteering also reflected the desire to explore

of living. Finally, aspirations for

it

represented a turning away from his mother and her

him toward an unknown

own making.

future of his

In 1953, about a year after signing up for combat, Tracy got to Korea. It

was a remarkable experience:

The guy who was Your mission

the corps

company

only the worst is

commander

in the division,

to straighten

it

my

out." That was

sir,"

got in the jeep and arrived at this company.

my

life.

This company was something,

patrol going out that night led

"You can

I

interview.

I

had never

felt

and

hospital.

He had

his balls shot off.

being in combat and having

my

They had out?"

is

killed

to the battalion

That was always a great fear of mine; I went back to the company full

day.

The

next morning,

I

pulled off

straightened out, and then I

went back

started

it.

his

Still,

he

to the G-3 and said, "Colonel, I would combat duty. Give me a week to get them

we

will

He

be ready to go again."

said okay.

was and that

drill

Jim began to

positively to the change.

feel that it

company, and with that came a sense of great accomplishment. felt

that "lady luck" was in evidence throughout.

You know,

and

They

demoral-

went

luck

is

a strange

damn

thing.

On

were roaring down the road in wintertime and

my

totally

We ended up with a pretty good company.

The men responded was

line.

all

company, told everybody what the

to the

doing the

single night

were taking casualties and getting no recognition, which was

my company

said,

One guy was

work of the„infantry battalions that were up manning the front izing.

He

balls shot off.

found out that they had been on patrols every

like

a

patrol

radio."

We hauled one guy up

about three in the morning. That was a pretty I

lower in

The

on the

listen

supposedly set up an ambush, but they got ambushed.

and four wounded before midnight.

"Yes,

said,

asked the acting company

I

go while this patrol

I

in the observation post

sit

assigning you not

unbelievable.

just

by a sergeant.

commander, "Where do you suggest

am

said, "I

but the worst company in Korea.

parka. Suddenly I

started to

took off and

I

I

I

saw two Korean pheasants.

jump out

By

of the jeep.

was trying to get the

flap off

the pistol out, the second pheasant took

chamber of the gun and

it

went boom,

my

the third day there,

had I

my

holster.

like a

I

we

underneath

told the driver to stop

this time,

off.

.45

the

first

pheasant

About the time

pumped

a

I

got

round into the

cannon, and there were

all

THE SEASONS OF A

122

MAN S

LIFE

kinds of pheasants running around. paces from where

mean

it

was

shot

I

to,

lucky shot.

just absolutely a

pheasant, and brought

We

paced

which would be

We

went,

I

that can be so

know why

I

all

I

area.

shot at

it; I

will

The

went

jeep driver

a crack shot with a .45.

my

could hear about was

goddamn important,

I

went out and picked up the

around and told everybody that the old man was

Anywhere

was 48

It

a long shot for a shotgun.

back to the company

it

the distance.

off

.45.

Little things like

just a blind-ass lucky shot.

don't

I

never know.

made

His stories had a modest tone but

his success clear.

There was

the persistent implication that he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

He

was always the modest, unassuming hero, but

let

there be no mistake, he remained possessed of heroic qualities.

Jim proved himself again to those in authority by turning the unit into

command." After

"the best one in the

five

months

helicoptered into Tracy's area and told him,

your nose bloody, time in his military jurisdiction over

want you

I

in

his

He

that you have gotten

headquarters." For the

women and

he had nothing to do with

life,

younger men.

ment: he had paid

command

of combat, the general

"Now

first

was given

experienced a great sense of achieve-

debt to society and his leadership

had been

skills

affirmed.

After a brief tour of duty back in the states, in 1954, Jim reassessed his

The war was ending and he was a 30-year-old captain with service. He knew that "only 3 out of 800 men from Annapolis life.

admiral or marine general." in the marines, or

am

I

It

"Am

was time to decide:

going to do something else?"

8 years of

can

make

going to stay

I

He made

plans to

leave.

was

It

seeing

just a feeling of

if I

wanting to get ahead

There were

a

whole bunch of

little

think that was the overriding thing.

He

at

my own

speed and then

could, as opposed to getting ahead at the speed of the marines.

was questioning not

Although both

his marriage

things that contributed to I

wanted very much

just the service,

and

but

his

his military career

to

whole

it,

but

I

be a general.

life structure.

were untenable, he

decided to maintain the family stability in order to cope with the instability of leaving the marines.

Tracy began looking for a job dustries,

in industry.

an arms manufacturer. For the

first

His father suggested Ajax In-

time, his father offered to help

and Jim allowed him to do so. Objectively, his father was well able to play this role, as he was an engineer and company manager who was knowledgeable about industry. Jim's ability to accept his father's help sent an effort to redress the old parental imbalance.

To

may

also repre-

an extent, he

now

The

mother and her dream

rejected the aggressive

and

favor of the helpful father

foreshadowed a new

While

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

his

own wish

as military hero, in

be an industrial leader.

Navy Yard, he put on

stationed at Brooklyn

man

to

him

although the specific shape was

life,

crossed the East River for an interview.

"a huge

of

The

123

initial

It

ill-defined.

still

a civilian suit

and

interview was dull until

with rolled-up shirtsleeves started to talk to me." They spent

an hour in excited discussion. I

went out

to the receptionist

and

His

name was

I

and four

said,

morning and made me an amount of money I was making as a captain I

accepted I

civilian suit

for

him

and got on the

until April.

Woodrow Wilson

was a

He was

was a

hell of a nice

said to

him, "Well,

brilliant.

I

August and

started the 23rd of

I

He

the most fantastic guy I've ever met.

He had

six feet five.

guy and

"The

"Fine."

got out of the marines and put

I

train.

said,

scholar, doctor of physics, Massachusetts

Tennis Champion, and about

He

I

"When can you report to work?" I was my brother's birthday. He said,

never got a piece of paper or anything.

worked

was exactly the same

It

in the marines, $6,000 a year.

said,

23rd of August," which

on my

offer.

This was about the middle of June, and

it.

do now?" He

him."

I

o'clock the next

what do

does he do?" She said,

divisions report to

went home and got hold of a Fortune article "Boy, here is one smart man." He called me at ten

Albert Hugo.

on Ajax. Instantly

"What

said,

"He's the vice president for operations

Doubles

everything going for him.

There's very few of them.

I

loved

him. Six

Hugo

months

after starting with

Ajax in

New

York, Jim was told by Al

that Hercules, an Ajax subdivision in Chicago, was having

Tracy was to work temporarily at Hercules. Within

culty.

six

diffi-

months, he

turned the company around and became a top manager.

Tracy admired Al Hugo's philosophy about work. Al told

me

responsibility.

that there are very few people

He

said that's

what he saw

ing a real desire to accept responsibility. tively don't,

whereas

that stage in

Once

again,

my

life,

I

was just

just eager to.

wanted

in

He I

He

really

said that

wanted

to prove that

Tracy had found an older

tured and helped guide him.

who

want

to accept

me, not only wanting but hav-

man

I

most people

to stick

my

instinc-

neck out at

could do things. in authority

who

nur-

was closer to Al Hugo than he had been

but there was the same quality of hero wor-

to the admirals

and

generals,

ship, a quality

first

articulated in his attitude toward another large

and

man: his grandfather. Al recognized Jim's need to be a responsible and helped him bridge the gap between the military and civilian of management.

bright

leader,

side

The

key question for Jim Tracy at 33 was whether he could adapt to

:

1

24

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

LIFE

the role of managing a civilian enterprise. After succeeding in Chicago, a management position in Hartford. He moved from few hundred workers to the "main action/' the Firearms Division of Ajax Industries. The next level was the corporate struc-

he was promoted to a subsystem with a

New York City! The Firearms Division was doing well, but its management was in a transitional stage. These changes increased the ture in

challenge and the anxiety for him. -

During

who was

his first

month

in Hartford,

Jim was assigned a

married and ten years his junior.

seemingly just another of his

many

They soon

secretary, Joan,

started

an

After a few months, by mutual agreement, he got her a job in the

ber of

Commerce and

self investing

more

in

affair,

conquests. But something had changed.

Cham-

they continued their relationship. Jim found him-

Joan than he had in other women. Obtaining a job

wish— and initial commitment— that their relationbecome more intimate and lasting. Later, he described her

for her symbolized his

ship might as follows I

consider her

my

equal. She's very intelligent, personable, has all the

and speaks very good English. Joan, somehow, has taught herself all these. She's bright as hell, but not very well read, and is therefore worried about how she comes off. She's always been a loner. I think I'm the first person she ever opened up to. She just kept everything within herself all her life. She comes from a poor, large family. She's totally different from the rest of her family. I think they don't understand her. social graces,

.

.

.

.

With

.

.

regard to her marriage, she was seriously considering divorce before

met me, but put it off. I guess after she got married, she discovered had never gotten along with her husband. Suddenly being face to face with him alone in the house really shook her up and she didn't want

she

that she

any part of him.

The

relationship with Joan matured,

women. The driven, more concerned and

loving.

at the periphery, but for the a

and he stopped seeing other

Jim was subdued; he became remained with his family and kept Joan

aggressive voice within

He

first

time he had a serious relationship with

woman. Jim was thus modifying both

his

Dream and

ence in Korea enabled him to act on his vice. Instead of

The move

becoming

a general,

his personal

life.

With

The

awakened respect

experi-

the

he would become a corporate

to civilian life involved an

devalued father.

his love life.

earlier desire to leave

ser-

leader.

for his previously

the shift in occupation, he slowly started to change

His slowness in taking direct action related to his

have been necessary for Jim to get his

diffi-

woman. It may mother and her Dream for him

culty in forming an intimate relationship with an adult

The out of his

life

Life of James Tracy, Executive (I)

more mature

before he could establish a

125

relationship with

another woman.

The

for the deteriorating marriage

responsibility

was shared. Jim's

overly negative view of Victoria suggests that he was not ready, in this

season of his

life,

to address his

own

role as failed

would have required a more balanced view of the ability to look

within for his

own

part in

it.

husband.

To do

relationship,

so

and an

This would mean a dramatic

turn from his characteristic goal-oriented attitude, a questioning of his past

and

new ways

a readiness to explore

of living.

He

was not yet ready

for this.

At to ask

28,

Tracy had started to question

what

question.

He made

life structure.

start of

him. At

and this

new

in store for

They marked the end

Down

of his

34,

Age Thirty Transition and the

period.

he decided to continue with Victoria and the children. Father-

hood remained important upbringing, although

it

to him.

He

was being true to

was painful to go on

Second, he confirmed his ecutive.

his first adult life structure

he answered

the Settling

First,

might have

three critical choices which provided the basis for a

else life

living

his traditional

with his family.

earlier, tentative decision to

become an

ex-

Tracy made a place for himself within the Ajax organization, and

held high aspirations for advancement to the top of the corporate structure.

Third, he decided to have a more intimate, enduring relationship

with a woman.

The

question of marriage had not emerged, but he was

beginning to hope that she would become special for him. In Chapter 11,

we

shall discover

around these choices, and period.

how

what kind of

life

structure he built

his life evolved during the Settling

Down

The

3

Life of

William Paulsen, Worker

William Paulsen was born

community

in the

in 1925 and raised in a Scandinavian and Irish Bay Ridge section of Brooklyn. His grandmother, a

central figure in his early years,

had come to

Norway. The family revolved around

her.

this

country

between the dominating grandmother and her daughter, belief that

if

you put two

women

from

as a child

There was continual

friction

reflected in Bill's

under the same roof you're asking for

trouble.

,

,

Each summer, Bill's grandmother left Brooklyn for upstate New York, where she ran a 28-room boardinghouse. With his mother and sister, Bill accompanied her for the summer. He was responsible for many of the chores around the boardinghouse and farm: taking care of the chickens,

milking the cows, bringing in the hay.

He worked from

It

was "a hard

life

but a good one."

5:30 a.m. to 7 at night, and called himself the "farmer

from Brooklyn." grandmother ruled his family. She was a "shrewd businesswoman, a penny-pinching Scandinavian," and Bill admired her toughness. She worked hard, ran the whole show with great Bill learned early that his

skill,

and saw

to

she wanted," Bill

it

said,

"and

if

she didn't get

provided the structure and discipline in Bill's

done her way. "She knew what

that everything was

mother was very

different.

She

it,

everybody look out." She

Bill's life.

lived in her mother's

shadow. She

was a troubled woman, high-strung and nervous,

manage on her own. She was very resentful of her control. This

who found it hard to dependent on her own mother and yet

was evident

in her

work

as a waitress in

her

mother's boardinghouse. His mother was quite protective and indulgent of Bill:

if

he wanted something, she would give

it

to him, even

if

that

meant depriving others in the family. By indulging Bill, she encouraged to lean on her, to let her do for him rather than to fend for himself. She seems to have been a helpless person who implicitly invited Bill

him

to be like her.

The

modest place

for a

in

on Wall

a stock-brokerage firm

Street.

He

a-week raise— which bothered Bill— but he

He had

during the depression years.

would

sit

down and

lucky to be working at

common

When

all

sense and was gen-

there was trouble, he and

was "more a buddy than a father." Im-

was the view of his father

failed to achieve the things Bill

Bill's

kind

as a

man who

wanted. At the same time, he was

"best friend."

family offered limited resources and models for his later devel-

Bill's

He admired

opment.

and concern with himself.

life for

his grandmother's ambition,

fairness.

From

would have

Bill

He

talk.

plicit in Bill's description

had

127

never got more than a $10-

felt

a lot of

erous with his attention and advice. Bill

William Paulsen, Worker

good man without great ambition, content to settle life. For 38 years he held the same clerical job with

father was a

Bill's

Life of

hard work, toughness

make

a better

attributes. Like his

mother,

Like her, Bill was to work to

came other

his parents

a continuing struggle against the wish to

be given what

he wanted when he wanted it, and the wish to give up and be looked after. Like his father Bill would strive to make his peace with the world and to

settle for a

his pastimes

modest place

and see them

as a

in

it.

Like him, he would come to love

major source of pleasure and satisfaction

in his adult life.

These

diverse aspects of Bill's pre-adulthood created the tensions that

ran through the core of his adult ing up; between going settling for a

modest

could find inspiring.

after

life.

He

Few

way

of living.

He

him

whose

little in

was apparent

life Bill

between ambition and

to;

his grandmother's

He

was very

way

life

mother and

critical of his

tried

There was no admired teacher,

wanted to emulate. All

in

the way of models or opportunities. in Bill's description of himself

his

all,

The importance

at 18: ".

.

.

relative

world offered

just a

of this

green kid,

had never been away from home, always ran back to Mother and Dad any of

my

problems or what not, never had to take care of

or anything."

He came

to the

end of adolescence

particular capabilities or interests.

with his

life.

he

of living, but did

loved and admired his father, but was also

critical of his settling for so little.

or friend

the tension between striving and giv-

people served as models for an adult

admired

not aspire to do what she did. to reject her

life:

and being given

He

didn't

my own

feeling that

for

clothes

he had no

know what he wanted

to

do

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

128

The Early Adult

Transition

was nothing the "green kid" wanted to do, and nothing he he could do. But it was 1943, and the realities of World War II swept him up: he was drafted shortly after his eighteenth birthday. The

At

18, there

felt

event marked the beginning of a transitional period in

He

Europe three days after D-Day. He was a dangerous and exciting job. It was up vation posts locating ton's

enemy

Bill, a

fire.

Third Army, was involved

Though

in the

in

combat

and went to

to

him

and a half

for a year

The

little

in

to establish forward obser-

member

of General

George Pat-

dash across France into Germany.

often terrified, he found the experience valuable: "It

out of us instead of

made men

boys."

military experience helped Paulsen learn to take responsibility for

himself and for his place in a larger enterprise.

manage

own

his

life

and could work

him. While he might fend

own

goals or

make

effectively.

He found But

this

that he could

was achieved in

where he generally knew what was expected of

a structured organization

his

Bill's life.

trained as a forward observer in the field artillery

for himself,

own

his

way.

he was never required to determine

Upon

leaving the service, Bill needed

He had to form a He needed a guiding

to return to earlier, unfinished developmental work. clearer sense of himself, a fuller personal identity.

vision of himself in the adult world, a his

attempts to build a

Bill left

He

didn't

Dream

that

would give direction

in

life.

the army in 1945. Re-entry into civilian

know what he wanted and was unable

choices so important in determining his aimlessness, of starting adult life

and work

late.

to

for

make the

him.

critical

There was a sense of

course.

life

was hard

life

He made

basic decisions

almost haphazardly.

came back, we wallowed around and had no direction in life that we wanted to go to. I wasn't married, not going with any particular gal at that time, and this went on for about 3 to 4 months. I didn't even go to work. Didn't Just like every other veteran that

whooped

it

know what

my

up and, of

I

wanted

course,

have any capabilities at the time. So,

to do. Didn't

we sat down one afternoon and "Hey, why don't we go to college for

best friend and his brother,

and looked

at

of years?" So

Ed and said, Ed and I decided,

let's

go to technical school.

N.Y. State Agricultural College that was

We

were fortunate to get in

what and

are

me

we going

starting

up

He

looks at

me and

turned

a couple

found

this

a technical division.

as the first technical class.

to take up?

We

I

Then the decision, "You know, you

says,

we've been fooling around with transformers and

lights,

and

The

wiring our cellars for ourselves, and

up

work?" So we

electrical

20 or 25.

We

did.

William Paulsen, Worker

Life of

.

.

we

sort of enjoy

When we

.

Why

it.

graduated

don't

—we were

and we'd never amount

terrors of Brooklyn,

known

we

take

was in the top

I

me and

had excellent grades, which surprised him and

parents because they figured that, ah

129

But

to anything.

our holy

as the three

we

guess

I

sort of proved them wrong.

Paulsen acquired a

skill

work did not involve the

ing in terms of major values, goals or aspects of the

In his

last

much

in

him away from her and she wanted

ing

mother

also

had a

feeling that

enough

that he was not "mature"

The

issue

Bill,

Catholic. She wanted

and the marriage.

him

religion.

was important for

He

Long

When York

City.

what he wanted

he married,

He

left

Bill

home

eight or nine at night.

"maturity" but

when he was 23. with Ruth in a house, a Cape Cod

in early 1949,

Brooklyn and

from

was working for

felt

Bill's

live

"a regular

his parents.

For the

his family

IBM

that his job was too

six years.

New

for supper at

demanding and didn't

he took a job with the Long Island

pany, and worked there for

time,

a willing-

and commuting into

morning and got back

allow enough time to be with his wife. Although he liked after a year. 'At age 23,

first

and

in the face of his mother's protest.

at six in the

He

likely

mother opposed the conversion

They bought

Island, sixty-five miles

ness to fight for

seems

was a Protestant, Ruth a

was demonstrating a readiness to separate from

Bill

It

and Ruth talked about:

received instructions in the Catholic

Bill to leave

place removed from his family.

But Bill's Ruth was tak-

her.

that

on to him.

Bill

Bill

to convert. His

Bill defied her.

He

years older.

for marriage.

Church, was converted, and married Ruth

type" on

felt

was joined not around the question of

around the problem of Ruth's

It

she

to hold

both

But the

much mean-

self.

met Ruth, who was two common and enjoyed being with

mother opposed the choice. According to that his

a living.

have

it

year of college, Bill

they had

felt

and

that could provide a job

realization of a plan, nor did

IBM, he quit Lighting Com-

In making this decision, Bill gave no

thought to what either company offered him in terms of future job ad-

vancement and

satisfaction.

He

was primarily concerned about the quality

of his life at the time, not the long-term consequences of his choice.

The

Early Adult Transition lasted from age 18 to 23. During this

period he

one

moved from

a life structure characteristic of late adolescence to

At 18 he was a "green not knowing what he wanted to make of

characteristic of early adulthood.

tied to his family,

feeling that

he was "without

relationships with his family years

he effected a

capabilities."

and friends

in

kid," closely his

life,

and

was built around

his

Bay Ridge. Over the next

five

His

life

radical transformation in this structure:

he started earn-

1

THE SEASONS OF A

30

own way

ing his

MAN S

in the

home away from

work world, got married, and

parents.

that in which he had

LIFE

He

lived in a

community

He had

grown up.

lived in his

own

very different from

severed his

to the ethnic

ties

community, which had been so vital a part of his early life, and had changed his religious and political affiliation. These changes reflected his

work on the developmental

The new

tasks of this period.

structure was flawed, however, by Paulsen's failure to

other important developmental work.

to

Nor

person.

self as a

He

still

did he develop a Dream. In these respects he failed

He made

do the developmental work of the Early Adult Transition.

central choices of this period primarily in terms of his wish to get

from the

Both

future. turity.

He

past.

Ruth

Bill

was oriented to the present and had

and Ruth commented on

we were married he used

And

least three times a week."

money but

used to

I

to say,

said,

"We're going

begun

Company was

at 23,

in the

Emergency

men

switchboard and directing repair

around with.

work

been

•

know what

I

remained

job,

for the

Long

Island

He

started

through the

calls

He worked up

one of the work

shifts.

any satisfaction from the type of work

didn't

I

'

Service Department.

in the field.

"a special service operator" in charge of said: "I didn't get

He had

go."

new

with his marriage and

telephone operator," taking emergency

as a "glorified

we have

if

World

relatively stable over the next six years. Paulsen's

Lighting

movies at

to the

"We'll go to the movies

we don't have the money we won't doing things when he wanted to do them.

structure

life

sense of the

little

spoke of his imma-

if

Entering the Adult The

this. Bill

the

away

told of her feeling that he wasn't ready to marry:

Before

the

do

lacked a clear sense of him-

I

Of

to being this Bill

was fooling

wanted to do, didn't have any

capabili-

ties."

The as

job offered security, paid well and

he knew,

led nowhere.

it

electronics or his training at

Long

met

Island Lighting.

There was

This didn't concern Paulsen

at the time.

tions at

immediate needs. But,

his

The job did not draw on his education in IBM, nor did it prepare him for other posilittle

with which to build a

career.

a living wage,

the kind of

home,

life

Bill set

and they

and Ruth worked

as a

they wanted at that time.

up

started

He had

They bought

woodworking shop (like .his "a nice little bank account." a

a secure job that paid

bookkeeper. Between them they had furniture for their

father's) in the

He

basement,

enjoyed drinking beer

The

Life of

William Paulsen, Worker

131

with old friends, playing tennis with his father, and doing woodwork in the basement.

Neither

nor Ruth found

Bill

it

easy to discuss personal issues

beyond

the practical concerns of day-to-day living. This, together with the ten-

dency of both to withdraw in stubborn anger from any serious disagreement, made

difficult to

it

They both wanted one

just then."

for this. It

The

work out

their differences.

children, but ''the

good Lord didn't see

to give us

fit

doctors were unable to find any physical explanation

was a source of concern and disappointment; they worried that

something was wrong with one or both of them. This tension continued for the first ten years of their marriage, It

meant

during

with almost no discussion of

a great deal to Bill that his wife's

mother

She was a wonderful person, "more

this period.

her daughter's mother."

He

it.

lived with

them

my mother

than

was very fond of his mother-in-law;

was

it

like

having a new, doting mother.

Mom

stuck

up

me more

for

do no wrong in that house. If I

had any

or whether

Bill

also

sort of

that,

my

Mom

remained close to his

He

own

than she did her

could talk to

problem with

we should do

variety of decisions. in."

I

Mom

work, or whether

could

we should do

to.

this

would give her advice.

father,

relying

on

counsel in a

his

to give advice.

Paulsen began the period of Entering the Adult

peared to be a reasonably solid position, but his a

I

wanted

he was a young kid "without a pot to piddle uncertain— as when buying his home— he would call

Whenever he felt who was always happy

on

I

felt

his father,

built

daughter.

anytime

World

first

life

in

what

ap-

structure was

weak foundation. The weakness stemmed from three main

sources. First, there

was

personal identity.

was hard for him to become adult when he so strongly

It

wanted to remain life's

difficulties.

a

his failure late in adolescence to establish a secure

boy who would be helped by others through

all

of

Second, there was the continuing lack of a Dream, a

vision of the kind of life

he wanted to create

Third, he did not find a mentor

who

could

for himself

and

his family.

facilitate his entry into adult-

hood and help him establish a place there. The job at Long Island Lighting proved to be an occupational backwater in which Paulsen wallowed for over six years— narrowing his interests, acquiring few new skills, and learning little about capabilities which might enable him to develop a career. He drifted through his twenties, enjoying himself where possible, not thinking about the future and making little effort to explore the possibilities in the adult world. With some help from his mother-in-law, father and wife, he stayed in this backwater. At 29, Bill Paulsen presented himself to the world as a responsible

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

132

LIFE

S

adult, while continuing to act in

With

many ways

boy

like a

his considerable talent for self-deception,

tied to his family.

he told himself that he

was an adult, ready and able to manage

was brought

home

him

to

in a

his life. In fact he was not. This most painful way during the next few

years.

The Age Thirty When

Transition

series of events confronted him with losses and he couldn't manage. This precipitated the breakup of the structure he had maintained during the previous six years.

Paulsen was 29, a

responsibilities life

His father died at age

me

death, Bill said, "hit

death

.

down

.

.

53, after

hard.

I

an

dumps. You'd

in the

months. The

illness of six to eight

was very down in the dumps after call

me

a nervous

wreck

at that

his

time

for a year or two."

Paulsen's

mother had depended on

Grandmother's death, when he was of looking after herself. tire

When

his father

almost entirely. After

mother had become incapable

23, his

turned to

his father died, she

Bill.

The

en-

family expected that he would take her in and look after her as his

father had.

The with

it

responsibility that hit at the time.

decisions for

my

I

don't

mother.

Bill took,

her

in,

first

all

of a I

is

possible

sudden ...

just couldn't

don't think

I

wasn't mature enough. This

the end of her

me

know ...

I .

.

I

just couldn't

make

all

was prepared for .

cope

those major it.

more probable than

Maybe

I

possible.

but the situation quickly soured. Ruth was nearing

pregnancy after

six years of

marriage. She was anxious

about the pregnancy and uneasy about living with Bill's mother. They had never gotten along well together, and having her with them soon proved unbearable. His mother was quite unable to look after herself and

demanded vide. Bill

a great deal of

care— much more than

proposed that she

Bill or

Ruth could

nursing home. She opposed

live in a

the rest of the family were angry with Bill for suggesting

this,

of sorts

and wouldn't

Ruth got because

I

talk at

all.

I

My

just

mother would crawl into about blew my cork."

so upset, she said, that "I tried to

couldn't face

it."

In the ninth

child was stillborn. In their distress

and

month

and

She remained

it.

with them, and the situation deteriorated: "It got to a point where wife was becoming a nervous wreck.

pro-

commit

my

a shell

suicide then

of her pregnancy, Ruth's

fury, Bill

and Ruth

insisted that

The mother

his

"She

live

said that

what got

me

I

to

with his

Life of William Paulsen,

But she wouldn't

sister.

didn't love her, that

be very nervous.

I

A

go.

Worker

133

battle developed.

I just wanted to get rid of her. That's became irritable and did a little over-

imbibing."

Three months go to

had come

after she

with his

live

Paulsen household. But he as his father's successor.

to live with them, Bill's

mother did

Things then settled down somewhat

sister.

that he

felt

These

had

shame and

feelings of

in the

failed in his responsibilities

were exacer-

guilt

bated by other members of the family:

Being the older son and the it

was up to me. But

I

man

of the family,

do

just couldn't

I

thought at the time

turned out to be the black

I

it.

sheep of the family. They wouldn't listen to me. That was the worst thing in the world.

thought

it

come and During

While

Nobody would

me as me for

was up to live

with

the

mother was

me

for a year,

of Bill's

and he

and

her

that

.

them, Ruth's mother became arteries,"

had been

died. Like his father, she

felt

.

.

the Paulsens faced yet another disaster.

living with

She developed "lung trouble and hardening of the

den

They Mother would

for almost ten years.

in the family

the rest of her days.

this period of turmoil,

Bill's

talk to

man

ill.

was bedrid-

a great favorite

loss sharply.

In the course of a single year, from age 29 to 30, Bill lost both his

and

father

his mother-in-law,

and support

to

him during

and began to drink

heavily,

which

about losing his job. "It was

no

life

preserver,"

he

who had been

his twenties.

like

crucial sources of

He became

in turn affected his work.

Island from

know which way

said. "I didn't

Oregon when

He

I

was going to go."

his

mother was

ill.

He

He had come

moved

he encouraged

to Florida,

Bill

and found a job that he

and Ruth to

join

to

then lived with

the Paulsens for several months while he separated from his wife. married,

worried

being in the middle of the ocean with

Ruth's brother was helpful to Bill during this time.

Long

comfort

a "nervous wreck"

liked.

Once

He

re-

settled,

him. They decided to make the move.

At 31, Bill was ready for a change. Full of the feeling that life had not worked for him in Long Island, he wanted to go somewhere else and start again. Florida seemed as good a place as any. Things couldn't be any worse there. Once again, however, Paulsen had little sense of where he was going. He didn't know what he would be getting into, what sort of people he would encounter, what jobs would be available. The only important thing was to get away. He felt a great urgency and responded directly to Bill

it.

and Ruth had a

difficult

time starting

all

over again in Florida.

1

THE SEASONS OF A

34

During the

first six

MAN

LIFE

S

months,

Bill

ing company, but was

still

worked

for a Frigidaire dealer as a ser-

Then he worked

viceman, earning $62 a week.

months

eight

getting "slave wages/' Their

for a build-

nest egg

little

disappeared.

After over a year in Florida Bill

felt

He

dispirited.

anywhere "working for ditchdigger wages." With

he determined to find a better way. Bowles & White, pany, had just opened a

new

and

IBM

he returned, he was the

first

Florida Research and

IBM

their

Development Center. His

which he could use

his training

and

for his future.

He had

He

starting salary

He had

within an organi-

was looking ahead

a satisfying occupation that

provide a better livelihood for his family in the long run.

marked the end of three

Bowles

at the

in Florida.

skills,

zation that offered opportunities for advancement.

and planning

They hired him new computers.

computer operator

was $75 a week, and he felt encouraged. At 32, Paulsen began to make a place for himself a position in

computer com-

a

training helped.

and sent him to Boston, where he learned to operate

& White

surge of effort,

plant in Fort Lauderdale, and he applied

for a position. His electronics

When

wasn't getting

new

a

years of crisis

and chaos

job

in his life.

In the transitional period from age 29 to 32, his

dismantled, a period of turmoil ensued, and a

would

The new

first life

new

structure was

structure began to

take shape. Major changes in his family initiated this developmental work.

The

death of his father

mother-in-law deprived

made him the family head, and the death of his him of a "Mom." These deaths both forced and

enabled him to become more adult, to assume more responsibility for his

own

life.

He and Ruth

could

were Ruth's mother and

them

finally establish their

in this undertaking. It

for the

first

own

family.

father there to guide, support

Bill's

was hard to build a

time they were free to

try, free

to

life

on

assume

No

longer

and influence

their

own, but

responsibility for

themselves.

Paulsen was preoccupied with this personal work Florida. His

first

that permitted lished himself

jobs there provided

some degree

when he moved

to

of financial security

him to work on the developmental tasks. After he estabmore securely as the man in the family, he was able to

work on the occupational issues. For the first time, he sought a position that would draw on his talent and training. His decision to seek work at Bowles & White signaled a very important change.

work

for "ditchdigger wages,"

offered

him

No

longer willing to

he was determined to find a position that

opportunities for advancement.

These changes represented Paulsen came to act

a substantial advance in his development.

less like a carefree

boy and more

like a

man who

The wants to make for

doing

found

a

this.

his place in the

He had

Life of

world and

William Paulsen, Worker

is

ready to take responsibility

not yet formed a Dream, however, nor had he

mentor who could help him get established

In Chapter 18

we

shall

in the adult world.

conclude the story of Paulsen's

him through the remaining middle adulthood.

135

life,

following

periods of early adulthood and the entry into

WWW

The

Settling

Period

Down

£

Building a Second Adult Life Structure

The end

of the

Age Thirty Transition

in early adulthood.

A man

and getting established

Down

Down:

Settling

period,

duces the

is

the end of the preparatory phase

has completed the allotted time for exploring

in the adult world. It

time to enter the Settling

is

which marks the culmination of

final fruits

and thorns of

Down

Transition to Settling

is

this era.

one of the

adulthood and pro-

early

The

shift

from the Age Thirty

crucial steps in adult develop-

ment.

The

underlying task

is

to "settle for" a few key choices, to create a

broader structure around them, to invest oneself as fully as possible in the

components of

various

within

A man

it.

work, family, community,

this structure (such as

and

solitary interests, friendships)

to pursue long-range plans

and goals

has a stronger sense of urgency to "get serious/' to be

responsible, to decide

what

is

and shape

truly important

his life accord-

ingly.

As

I

mentioned

Chapter

in

5,

the Settling

begins at age 32 or 33. In our sample,

than 39 or later than 42. nine years (7.8 on the average).

earlier

and executives

(8.3

and

Its

Down

period ordinarily

ended

at

40 or

duration was usually between

It lasted

among

the longest

result

mainly from the fact that Settling

and

novelists than for the others.

Down

41— not six

and

the workers

compared with

6.8 for the biologists.

ogists

among

usually

8.4 years, respectively), as

and only

years for the novelists

it

The

7.7

differences

started later for the biol-

There were negligible

the occupations in the age at which Settling

differences

Down ended and

the

Mid-Life Transition began.

The tions,

Settling

Down

and aspects of the

ing that others be

the expression of

life

structure gives certain relationships, aspira-

self a

prominent place

made secondary or put many or few aspects of

structure has a few central elements

in one's life while requir-

aside altogether. It

the

self.

which serve

A

may permit

relatively integrated

as focal points for the

which enrich and

structure as a whole,

and

expand the

However, even a rather broad, complex structure

structure.

other, peripheral elements

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

140

cannot enable one to

LIFE

out

live

all

aspects of the

self.

The

have been excluded often return to demand their due in

we

shall see.

To

the extent that the

and suitable

viable in the world

and

tively stable

satisfying

life.

not

It is

period, the Mid-life Transition, ushers in

structure

initial

is

seriously flawed,

it

Settling

initial

for the self,

it

helps

likely to

The

life

Settling

will

Down

task

is

change until the next

produce

strains it

tasks. If

the

and pressures

very difficult to

is

period presents two major tasks. Individual

men

the relative emphasis they give to these tasks and

to establish one's niche in society. To dig

1.

and pursue one's step in Settling

interests within a defined pattern.

Down.

time to deepen his

having his

A man

roots, to

pation and community. is,

structure

possible a rela-

ways of working on them.

in their

he

which

structure during this period.

differ considerably in

is

Down

make

new developmental

toward change. Our study showed, however, that

change the

aspects

later periods, as

He

own home

belonging, being a valued

needs

anchor

is

the

initial

a sufficiently ordered, stable life. It his life

more

firmly in family, occu-

takes a greater sense of pride in base, developing

member

build a nest

in,

This

competence

knowing who

in a

chosen

craft,

of a valued collective entity.

2. to work at advancement. Planning, striving to succeed, movonward and upward, progressing along a timetable. Whereas the first task contributes to the stability and order of a defined structure, the sec-

task

ing

ond involves progression within the structure. I use the term "advancement" in the broadest sense: building a better life, improving and using one's skills, becoming more creative, contributing to society and being affirmed by it, according to one's values. The goals may be wealth, power, prestige, recognition, scientific or esthetic

achievement, particular forms of

community life. The Settling Down period is the time for a man to fulfill his Dream, pursue his ambitions and become the hero in the scenario of early adulthood. At the start, he has the sense of being on the low rung of a ladder, preparing to make his way to the top. Imagery of the family and

ladder

is

an important part of

life in this

period.

2 are to some degree antithetical. Generally speaking, famcommunity are the main forces making for stability, occupation the main force for movement and change. To the extent that a man wants order and roots, he must be ready to moderate the upward striving

Tasks

ily

and

1

and

local

that might rock the boat and threaten the stability of his

a

man who

life.

Conversely,

wants desperately to make his mark, to attain great heights

of power, virtue or

achievement— Caesar, the Shakespearean

kings, Abra-

Settling

Down:

Building a Second Adult Life Structure

ham, Faust and Gauguin come

commitments one of these

mind— cannot

to

may predominate,

tasks

ates difficulty

if it

is

the other

overly neglected.

task tends to

to find his niche, get plugged into society with greater

and

the meaning of "tribe" varies widely.

It

Settling sive to

We

Down its

is

most

In

tribe.

may

religio-ethnic group, profession or nation or

part of the species has the

It is

time

commitment and

exercise an occupation

and well-being of the

for the survival

cli-

on terms he can accept: time

to join the tribe as a full adult

responsibility, raise a family

assume

adulthood reaches the

primary character of Settling Down.

tasks reflect the

man

strong

While

Own Man.

mactic phase of Becoming One's

for a

on

always present and cre-

The second

special strength in the late thirties, as early

Both

is

make

stability.

afford to

to particular persons or place great value

141

and do

his bit

modern complex

society

include his local community,

humanity

significance for him.

at

large— whatever

But everyone during

strongly connected to a segment of his society, respon-

demands and seeking the

affirmation

and rewards

The

each lasting three or four years.

and the second, which ordinarily

first

starts at

we

call

it

offers.

Down

period,

"Early Settling

Down"

have found two distinct phases within the Settling

age 36 or 37, "Becoming One's

Own Man."

Early Settling During

Down

his twenties, a

man

ship and

become

a "novice" or "apprentice" adult.

is

Down

at the start of the Settling

period

a full-fledged adult.

is

The

to go

The

task

beyond the apprentice-

initial

life

structure of this

period provides a base on which one can plan for the future and identify

long-term goals.

I

shall use the

term "personal enterprise" to include the

central features of a man's life structure plish

through

specific

Settling

them— the

direction of his

goals— with whatever

Down

enterprise

clarity or

and what he wants to accomlife,

the broad aspirations and

ambiguity they are defined.

A

man's

the main vehicle for his realizing youthful

is

ambitions and goals.

This enterprise contains

man

in

some form the imagery

of the ladder.

A

has devoted himself until the early thirties to creating a foundation

on which the ladder can be

built.

The more he

higher the level on which he starts the enterprise. period in middle

management and hopes

has accomplished, the

One man

begins this

to reach the top of his division

of a corporation. Another, already at the top of a division, begins Settling

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

142

Down

LIFE

own small corporation, with the aim of becoming The place at which both men start Settling Down bottom rung of a ladder. The top rung may be clear or vague

by forming

the giant in his represents the

in their minds,

his

field.

but both have a strong sense of being

and of aspiring to move up. toward his goals

have a more

will

man

If a

impossible, or that

is

difficult

time in the

and

is

him

gives

it

point

he

little satisfaction,

phase of Settling Down.

last

Novelists too are on a ladder, though

an organizational hierarchy. At

at a starting

soon discovers that advancement

it

not expressed in terms of

is

one novelist has written three novels

33,

regarded as "a promising young writer/' but he has yet to prove

body

that he can produce a

of

work

of the caliber

he wants most. An-

other has written a single novel that sold well but received poor reviews;

he

is

but

now

ready to

commit himself

his possibilities are

to writing as his primary occupation,

untested.

still

A

who

third,

has written several

unpublished novels, decides to make business his primary occupation and to give novel writing a peripheral place in his Settling

Down

structure,

with the hope that he can subsequently get out of the business world and

make writing central. (This case is exemplified by Paul Namson, whose life we shall present in Chapter 12.) Other men define

their plans for

advancement not

in occupational

terms, but in terms of their family or community, or in other non-work

But nearly

contexts.

the Settling

The

Down

all

men,

period with

may have many

ladder

and burning, or modestly tion of the

Dream

ternal aspects,

and

regardless of specific life circumstances, start

some hopes

of advancement.

rungs or few.

realistic.

The

The ambitions may be vast may lead toward realiza-

ladder

or in another direction. It has both external

and

a man's course along

internal forces. Externally,

it

may

it

is

and

shaped by both external

involve such things as status in an

organizational hierarchy (labor grade, managerial or academic rank)

reputation in

the community

in-

or occupation.

The

and

occupation usually pro-

vides a rough timetable for reaching various levels of advancement. If a

man

falls

unlikely

behind the timetable, he

and the

entire enterprise

ing of the ladder

human

fine the ladder

past.

and parental injunctions and

These and many other

is

mean-

Down,

then, a

man

rejections

internal forces help to de-

and to shape the meanings of success and

In early Settling

advancement

in trouble. Internally, the

welfare, the superiority or inferiority of his

class or ethnic or regional origins,

from the distant

afraid that further

colored by a man's concerns with fame, creative

is

achievement, power,

is

may be

starts a

new

failure.

personal enterprise

on the bottom rung of his own psychosocial ladder. Entering a world in which he is a junior member, he seeks to advance in the enterprise, to

Down:

Settling

Building a Second Adult Life Structure

climb the ladder and become a senior

member

of that world.

143

Over the

next several years, his sense of well-being as a person will depend upon his evaluation of

how

Becoming "senior"

The riage

is

far

start of Settling

and family.

he

If

The

is

Down

is

he

is

moving toward these

not married, he

is

man's involvement in mar-

likely to feel great pressure to

some type

to

comes not only from

decision to marry

goals.

second phase of Settling Down.

also changes a

but also from the need for a more family

fast

commit himself formally

get married or to existence.

and how

crucial in the

stable,

balanced

of bachelor

affection or love,

life in

which marriage-

a central element.

Most men have

families

by the

As

late twenties.

I

have noted, the

may be questioned and reappraised by both partners during the Age Thirty Transition. This may strengthen the marriage ties and give marriage

and mutuality to the relationship

greater richness

period begins.

If

as

the Settling

the couple has a satisfactory love relationship,

Down if

she

some degree participates in his Settling Down enterprise, and if he can do the same with hers, their overall life structure is strengthened at the center. (Later on, of course, he may come to feel that this structure was all wrong for him, and he may blame her for getting him into it or keeping him in it.) As he enters the Settling Down period, a man has a great need to maintain a stable structure. He prefers to deal with problems by making

values and to

accommodations within the

existing

framework rather than attempting

He may

decide to remain in his marriage even

though there are serious problems

in the marital relationship, the family

major structural changes. or the wider

life,

The

life

structure in

which the family

an essential element.

is

decision to stay in a questionable marriage reflects not only his feel-

ings of love or obligation toward his wife but also his

family and the

life

structure that contains

it.

He may

commitment

to the

form a relationship

with another woman, intending to make this a limited element of the structure

and not a threat to the marriage— though

it

may

well not

work

out this way in the long run, as Jim Tracy discovered (see Chapter 11).

Our

four biographees provide four contrasting pictures of marriage and

family

life in

the

Age Thirty Transition and

In any case, the early Settling life

around the

ciety, defining

initial choices. It is

Down

Settling

phase

a time for

is

Down.

devoted to building a

making one's niche

in so-

an enterprise, getting on with the work, "taking care of

business." After three or four years a also part of the Settling

Down

new phase

begins. This phase

period. It contains the

outcome

enterprise started earlier, but has a qualitatively distinct character.

is

of the

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

44

Own Man

Becoming One's The

effort to

be more

ages.

Its

fully one's

and

self-sufficient,

many

LIFE

Down:

Late Settling

and

S

form

less

each age

at

We

developmental period.

own person— to be more independent

subject to the control of others— is found at

see

it,

the character of the current

reflects

for example, in the two-year-old stub-

bornly insisting on his rights and trying to maintain his a world that seems forever to

own

initiative in

be constraining him. In the Early Adult

Transition, the adolescent-becoming-adult has a special concern for his

own independence

he struggles to pull away more completely from

as

parents and from the pre-adult self that

still

is

so strongly tied to them.

This issue takes a new form, and a central place, in the end phase

Down. This phase is so distinctive that we have given it a name: Becoming One's Own Man. It ordinarily extends from about 36 or 37 to 40 or 41. It represents the culmination of Settling Down and, more

of Settling

and the

broadly, the peaking of early adulthood

first stirrings

of

what

lies

beyond.

A

man's primary developmental tasks in Becoming One's

Down,

are to accomplish the goals of Settling his ladder, to

clearly

to

with his

become

viduals

become

and

There

less

own

a senior voice, to

institutions in his

is

a built-in

as well as externally)

on more authority, and on other indi-

On

man

member

of his enterprise, to speak

have a greater measure of

dependent (internally life.

dilemma

here.

the one hand, a

be more independent more true to himself and sures

and blandishments from

others.

On

firmation in society. Speaking with his

no one listens— but he

the wish for affirmation makes

and susceptible to It is

not clear

voice

is

important, even

afif

for

independence leads him

essential, regardless of

consequences;

sensitive to the response of others

their influence.

why

occur at this time.

began

him

wants to

vulnerable to pres-

be heard and respected and

The wish

do what he alone considers most

less

the other hand, he seeks

own

especially wants to

given the rewards that are his due. to

Own Man

to advance sufficiently

It

a developmental phase having these tasks should

was not something we expected to find when we

this study. Rather,

with the other periods,

we

its

discovered

onset

is

it

in the course of our work.

As

not linked to a single dramatic event

or condition. It does not have a single, specific source in the individual's biological, psychological or sociocultural evolution.

The

basic sources lie

Settling

in all of these,

individuals

and

Down: Building

and many

a

Second Adult Life Structure

specific factors operate variously in

man

In the late thirties a

societies.

ily

more

senior,

established.

in early adulthood,

He

and the

is

peak of

at or near the

a full

He must become

generation older than those just entering adulthood.

more ment

different

becoming

is

145

his advance-

possibilities for his future life are heav-

many men, the sense of bodily The concern with decline and death

influenced by what happens now. For

decline

is

a

goad to greater

become even

will

striving.

stronger and take on additional meanings in the next

period.

The developmental

tasks

Down

through the Settling

Becoming One's Own Man— carrying becoming more senior and expert,

of

enterprise,

and getting affirmed by society— assume primary importance during the

A man

late thirties.

is

likely to

be rather

sensitive,

even touchy, about

anything in the environment or in himself that interferes with these aims. Since the successful outcome of this period that he has not accomplished

own man. He may have

we must

not assured, he often

enough and that he

a sense of being held

by others and restrained by

These concerns

is

reflect

own

his

conflicts

external realities

is

feels

not sufficiently his

back— of being oppressed

and and

inhibitions.

internal processes,

and

take account of both in our efforts to understand this phase.

External circumstances during these years are frequently restrictive and

damaging to

self-esteem. Organizations often operate so rigidly or cor-

ruptly that an individual, places his career in jeopardy right or eager to take the ball

and run.

It is

if

he

is

very forth-

generally safer to avoid con-

a loyal member of the "team"— and not speak too loudly own voice. As a man advances, he comes in closer contact with senior men who have their territories to maintain and protect. Their interest in him often contains a subtle mixture of support and intimida-

troversy

and be

with one's

tion.

He

receives a double message:

together with

"Make

"Be

a

good boy and

you'll

go

far,"

trouble and you're dead."

The difficulties of this period have important internal sources as well. The wish for affirmation and advancement makes him especially vulnerable to social pressure. A man who has prided himself on his ability to act autonomously realizes now that he is not as independent as he had thought. In crucial situations he has been too eager to please, too sensitive to criticism, too

convictions.

He

conforming to speak and act on the

wants to be his

to be understood

own man, but he

and appreciated, to have

also

basis of his

own

wants desperately

his talents affirmed, to suc-

ceed in his enterprise.

But the

difficulty goes

deeper than

this.

Own Man A man wants

Becoming One's

represents a peaking in the aspirations of early adulthood.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

146 to

become

a "senior" adult, to realize the fruits of the labors of the past

twenty

fifteen or

base for his

manly

years, to

accomplish goals that in turn will provide a

in the years to

life

a resurgence of the

become

of the desires for

little

boy

in the adult.

not necessarily a sign of pathology or impaired development in

is

adulthood that

early

wants, in short, to

The urgency

than ever before.

in a fuller sense

manhood, however, bring about It

He

come.

many

boyish qualities operate with great force.

shape in the twenties

self that takes

The

but a small step beyond adolescence

is

and normally contains many aspects of the child and adolescent self. The boy continues to exist, providing many of the strengths as well as the vulnerabilities of the

and

like qualities

young man. With

luck, a

man

will sustain his child-

changing forms, throughout the

his youthfulness, in

life cycle.

The

activation of the boyish self during the late thirties

normal psychosocial development. The

is

part of

Becoming One's

effort involved in

Own Man

activates the unresolved pre-adult conflicts, including the boy-

ish wishes

and

flict is

anxieties. Indeed, the intensification of the

boy-man con-

a step forward. It creates the possibility of resolving the conflict

at a higher level.

During

this period,

however, the intensified conflict becomes an inner

The member of

source of difficulty.

adult self desires to

a productive

society,

that this demands.

bilities

many ways with

and to bear

The

boyish

and discontent.

sition

He

and idealism,

boy

little

authority helpless

is

self

his sense of adven-

also a source of

is

oppo-

his brow.

He

wants things to go

way, without having to consider the conflicting needs or

requirements of others. the

be

responsi-

wants to attain great heights through magical

omnipotence rather than the sweat of effortlessly his

he can the

contributes to this effort in

self

his imagination, energy

and wonderment. However, the boyish

ture

certain values, to

fulfill

as best

When

feels totally

restrictive or

sufficient recognition

is

not forthcoming,

deprived and humiliated.

When

imposing,

boy who

it

and intimidated. The boyish

the

is

little

becomes the

self

a boss or other feels utterly

ingratiating syco-

phant, the ever-agreeable "nice guy" or the impulsive, self-defeating rebel

—but not

the persevering worker or the leader

constructive,

humane

ends. It

tors,

the

is

forms the ordinary mortals with

he

uses his authority for

boy inside the man who

little

whom

who

is

trans-

involved— bosses, wives, men-

colleagues— into tyrants, corrupters, villainous

rivals,

seducers and

witches.

There ences.

is

always

To some

some mixture

of reality

and distortion

in these experi-

degree the persons and institutions in a man's

tyrannical, corrupting

and

exploitive.

He

often finds

it

life

are

hard to sort things

Down:

Settling

During

out.

Building a Second Adult Life Structure

time he frequently

this

147

between the extremes of

vacillates

(when he feels absolutely inept, impotent and lackand paranoid rage (when he blames an evil or

depressive self-blame

ing in inner resources)

uncaring world for suppressing or ignoring his enormous talents and

When

tues).

height,

it

is

vir-

these internal conflicts and external stresses are at their

indeed to maintain one's good judgment and

difficult

ini-

tiative.

During the period of Becoming One's be

ships are likely to

mentor

of a close tie with a process.

he

tor,

A man is

He must

especially just

Own Man,

stormy and vulnerable.

now

in his late thirties

is

is

mentor

The

relation-

termination

often a mutually painful, tortuous

not only giving up his current men-

outgrowing the readiness to be the protege of any older person.

mentoring relationship not because

reject the

harmful but because

has served

it

its

purpose.

it

is

has helped

It

intrinsically

him

to

make

a basic developmental advance.

Whereas in early

in pre-adulthood

he was a boy-son

adulthood he has become a young-man-apprentice in relation to

an admired mentor.

The mentor

but young (junior) adult. In the

move toward becoming teachers and bosses. thority, father, is

in relation to a father,

He

in turn has regarded

new

late thirties a

and

a senior adult

himself must

and friend of other

of the essence of adulthood. If a

,The formative steps

Becoming One's

A

man must

a mentor, constructive au-

This developmental achievement

man

is

assume responsibility

to

others and for himself during middle adulthood, he ity."

as a full-fledged

peer of his former mentors,

full

become

adults.

him

task arises: a

must

attain his "senior-

in this process are taken during the

Own Man

for

time of

and the Mid-life Transition.

man's struggles with his mentor and his hardships in being a pro-

tege are intensified during struggle with the little

Becoming One's

boy

in himself.

The

Own Man little

by the renewed boy desperately wants

the mentor to be a good father in the most childish sense— a father

who

make him special, will endow him with magical powers and will not require him to compete or prove himself in relation to would-be rivals.

will

It is also

the

little

ther—a depriving, uses

one

for his

boy who anxiously makes the mentor into

dictatorial authority

own

needs.

The

who

a

bad

fa-

has no real love and merely

relationship

is

made untenable by

the

yearning for the good father, the anxiety over the bad father, and the projection of both of these internal figures onto the mentor,

who

is

then

caught in a bind. Central features of the pre-adult self— involving the boy's elemental struggles with dependency, sexuality, authority

and the like— often come

to the fore with special strength during the phase of

Becoming One's

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

148

Own Man. When

severe conflicts

must be seen both mentor

work of becoming more

not

is

difficulties

occur at this time, they

renewal of pre-adult problems and as a reflection

as a

of the developmental

of the

and

fully adult.

The overthrow

an irrational re-enactment of boyish Oedipal

just

Even more, it is part of the developmental process by which a young man becomes an adult and mentor. This process cannot evolve revolt.

along purely rational to

Many

lines.

be excellent teachers and

Own Man

Becoming One's

persons in early adulthood have the

advisers.

is

essential

skill

But the developmental work of in moving further and acquiring

the maturity to be a wise mentor.

One

of our novelists, Allen Perry, presented us with a vivid

mentor

of a significant

had happened service, Perry went

relationship.

At

44, he

and becoming

yesterday. In his early twenties, after college

He

to

New

York with the

single

aim of

example

the story as

recalls

if

it

military a writer.

who was then

took an extension course taught by Calvin Randall,

an editor at a leading publishing house. They immediately formed a close

bond:

me tremendous support and encouragement. I was very man enormously, deeply committed to him in fact. He had

Randall gave close to this

—

a wonderful quality,

but

later realized that this quality

I

was good only

you were very young, and once you became a man yourself it almost became a matter of competition. I had to break, and it was too bad beif

cause there was a lack of insight oh his part,

But the break occurred some

I

The

years later.

relationship flowered

and publication

in Perry's mid-twenties, during the writing

novel. The book was a commercial and

think.

of- his

first

and established

success

critical

promise. For the next several years he traveled a good and wrote a few minor pieces, but was not able to complete the novel he had in mind. Although the relationship with Randall contin-

him

as a writer of

deal

ued, they were not in close contact.

The

next chapter began

when

the second novel and taken editor-in-chief

nection with uscript.

I

and

my

it

Perry was 35.

to his mentor.

eluded. I'd

just

work."

It

finally

met,

it

was ever

it's

come

him.

a person

He

to his

con-

to the

man-

was a great disappointment:

my work

who demonstrated

really lost

completed

time Randall was

known figure, "due partly him two weeks to get around took

realized that (he wasn't interested in

sin of hubris,

this

a nationally

And, when they

career. If there

He had

By

so

much

as his

own

the sad effects of the

touch with his proteges, myself in :

to discuss a manuscript

hours describing his great publishing plans.

and he'd spend two or three

When

he moved

to another

Down: Building

Settling

it

me

he asked

firm, as

was,

Second Adult Life Structure

a

him.

to shift with

the relationship had remained

If

wouldn't have hesitated. Instead,

I

149

decided to give

I

him

up.

I

remember These are close

to the actual words:

the fact that

admire you so much, would be an admission that you are

I

my

absolutely essential to that this

but

it

is

the letter

distinctly

still

not true.

It's

letter.

He

"To go with you now, even

to

my

who was

it

was an act of

there that he burst into tears felt

comes

no longer dependent on those

now

vulnerable period.

when

that

on

earth,

just the

I

can remember

was 35

I

but in

I'd

reality

I

be the

I

realize

when all.

was in

I

have a sympa-

that 35

my

when

had betrayed

I

a point is

when

we're

really a very

twenties thinking

most debonair,

jauntiest,

wasn't at

that

liberation. It's nice to

thetic person to ricochet things off, but there figures.

talent,

integrity as a writer."

was hurt for a long time and

him. For me, however,

including

your credentials or your

insult to you,

learned later from someone

I

I

development, when in fact you must be aware

no

would have been demeaning

he read the

wrote him almost ten years ago.

free individual

Breaking with Calvin Randall was

beginning of some liberating process.

Allen Perry's bitterness did not destroy his attachment to Randall.

named after the mentor. now amicable but reserved— perhaps as good as it can

His son, born at the time of the break, was

The. relationship

is

be.

I'm very thankful at this

moment

grown man, you know, and not

We

are friendly, but

with Randall.

my

I

it's

that we've patched

his boy.

I

I'll

ever have that again, or want

est or skill at

it.

Men

have mentors after about 40.

lationships with family, friends, counselors tor relationship in things, as part of ability

and

its

all

up. I'm a

not the kind of passionate relationship

don't think

turn to give that help to others, though

rarely

it

have an excellent editor now.

developed form

is

I'll

I

Now

had it's

never have Calvin's inter-

A man may

have valued

re-

and co-workers, but the men-

rare. It

is

surrendered, with other

Becoming One's Own Man. One mentor to others.

interest in being a

it.

result

is

a greater

^ive Sequences Through the

flfTk

Down

Settling

The

Down

Settling

man

time for a

period

it

the culmination of early adulthood, the

is

What

to realize the hopes of his youth.

ways of going through

found

Period

this period,

and what

are

its

are the various

We

outcomes?

have

useful to distinguish five ways of establishing a second adult

structure

Own Man.

and Becoming One's

about these

five categories;

But

scribing variations.

is

life

nothing absolute

they are simply a convenient means of deof our forty

all

There

men— and

others

whose

lives

we

have studied— went through one or another of these sequences: A. Advancement within a stable

life

structure

B. Serious failure or decline within a stable

C. Breaking out: trying for a new

D. Advancement which E. Unstable

cline.

major

his

The

C

life

structure

goes at least moderately well and a

life

goals.

In

B he

C

and

D

the

man

man

is

relatively stable.

forms a stable structure at the

and external

Own Man

tle his existing life

in

income and

edly, into a

Down

formed

at

and create

world.

E

differs

all.

a

new

one. In Sequence D, advancement

from the others

Instead, the Settling

Down

Down

period.

him, often unexpect-

in that a stable structure

is

not

period begins with very tenuous

choices that cannot be followed up, and the

over the entire Settling

phase

Becoming

attempts to break out, to disman-

status during his late thirties propels

new

Sequence

man

(36 to 40), the

start

forces lead to change. In

the structure established in the early Settling

(age 33 to 36) proves to be intolerable. During the phase of

One's

advances

experiences considerable failure or de-

of the period, but various internal

Sequence

structure

produces a change in

structure in both cases

life

In Sequences

life

structure

structure

life

In Sequence A,

toward

itself

life

life

structure remains in flux

Five Sequences Through the Settling

Down

Period

151

Sequence A. Advancement Within a Stable Life Structure Here,

life

proceeds more or

Down

early Settling

according to expectations. During the

less

man makes

phase a

primary commitments, de-

his

an enterprise and gradually enriches and elaborates the

fines

initial

life

Becoming One's Own Man, his ambition heightens from within and an emphasis on advancement is intensified from without. He defines more precisely the last few rungs of his Settling Down ladder and magnifies his efforts to reach the top. To a large extent,

structure.

In the phase of

he succeeds. but the

He may

experience a good deal of hardship and suffering,

manageable and the

stresses are

outweigh the

satisfactions

diffi-

culties.

In our study, 55 percent of the men followed predominantly the pattern of Sequence A, and several others showed significant aspects of this

The remaining 45

percent had major diffioutcome was less satisfactory for them. experienced the advancement of Sequence A

pattern (see table, page 152).

during this period, and

culties

More

novelists

and

biologists

its

than workers and executives, but the differences were not dramatic. Since our sample is more middle class and probably more stable in occupation and marriage-family than the population as a whole, these findings may underestimate the degree of difficulty experienced by

men

during their

thirties.

The

final goal of

advancement in Sequence

cretely in terms of a key event success. society.

This event

The young

carries

which

in the

or,

35

often defined con-

want

He

to write just another book.

He

hopes above

an established writer of a certain kind and quality.

all

to

The

be

aca-

become a full professor, to achieve seniority in university and discipline, to make a major breakthrough in his research if truth be told, to win the Nobel Prize. The executive knows by that he must reach a certain level by 40. Otherwise, he will be un-

demic his

is

the ultimate message of his animation by

writer does not

wants to make a quantum leap in his writing. identified as

A

man's mind symbolizes true

biologist aspires to

able to advance further. eral

He

will

promotion" that represents

in one demoted

be trapped failure, or

position, given a "lat-

to

make room

for the

men now moving up. The worker too seeks a higher job grade or a supervisory position. He may obtain a union position such as shop steward, which' carries another form of seniority. Or he may define his younger

goals less in terms of occupation

and more

in

terms of family, leisure

or community.

Whatever

their goals, the

early in the Settling

Down

men

in

Sequence

A

period and maintain

form it

a life structure

throughout. Impor-

SEQUENCES

Down

Five Sequences Through the Settling

may occur— in

tant changes

Period

153

place and kind of residence, job, income,

life

family pattern— but these represent advancements, enrichments or

style,

within the existing framework and not a change in the basic

difficulties

There may be great hardship along with the progress: times when advancement is in serious question, problems of marriage and family life, serious illness or death of loved ones, frequent moves and stressstructure.

The

ful living conditions of various kinds.

and the

ever,

advancement within

Around

hardships are tolerable, how-

sequence during Settling

overall

Down

primarily one of

is

a relatively stable enterprise.

men

40, these

reach the top rung of their Settling

Down

lad-

der and attain goals that represent the culmination of years of striving.

Reaching to be

The

ladder.

a

this level

not the end of the

is

climbed— but the next

new

top of the

The

ladder.

He

different world.

first

step

is

There are new heights

story.

not simply another rung on the same

ladder turns out to be the bottom rung on

successes of this period bring a is

now

a

newcomer, entering a

man

into a

new and

''senior" world. In the

process of establishing himself he has joined an establishment. It bears

the responsibility for

many people— whether

in industry, the university,

writing-publishing, trade union, or extended family. this

world and,

if

he remains

in

it,

ticipated ways over the course of middle adulthood. directly

from the

new

tion of a

life

structure of the Settling

structure.

There

He

starts

Down

He

crucial

changes

their considerable progress in the Settling

men

in

Sequence

of self-esteem, of proving themselves

There

is

Down

some mixture

always

of satisfaction

may

enterprise

is

Clearly, this

The

is is

it

is

want.

really

man's sense

genuine to the extent that

his Settling

and

illusion in this.

and that

it

enables

his sense of

him

to live

achievement and

the actual values of his performance.

a matter of degree.

experience of advancement and success

Even when

degree on illusion. he may be gaining rewards that value for him. His

life

may

a

man

is

is

always based to

some

doing well in an external sense,

will turn

out to have

little

meaning or

provide genuine satisfactions but at great

inner costs. In order to devote himself to certain goals, he neglect or repress important parts of the for

period,

A

self,

consistent with

Down

life.

generally have a strong sense

consonant with his Dream, that

out important aspects of the contribution

is

A

These

occur.

and getting what they

of reality

and well-being

move

period to the crea-

changes have a strong influence on the shape of his subsequent

Given

unan-

does not

an intervening developmental period—

is

the Mid-life Transition— in which

not surprising that the

afresh in

his life structure will evolve in

self.

Finally, a

may have

man's

to

strivings

advancement are often stimulated by a fantasy that has the magical

— 1

THE SEASONS OF A

54

MAN S

qualities of a fairy tale:

everything

I

is

though

it is

life

my

get to the top of

I

wanted and

really

rarely conscious

fantasy

of

"If

LIFE

ladder,

I

have

will

happily ever after." This omnipotent

live

Own Man

during the Becoming One's

phase,

The man himself may become aware when he attempts to reappraise his The biologist John Barnes exemplifies

often evident to others.

during the Mid-life Transition,

it

and penetrate

this sequence, as

his

we

illusions.

shall see in

Chapter

17.

men

People are inclined either to idealize or devalue the

who

A. Those

evidence of steady progress or of meteoric success, assume that

good ing a

for

anyone who

is

more debunking

and the great arrive at a

in

Sequence

take an uncritically favorable view may, impressed by the

receiving such recognition attitude,

may emphasize

costs involved in pursuing

it.

must be

life

and reward. Others,

tak-

the limitations of success

Neither attitude allows one to

balanced evaluation of a person's

life.

The

question

is

much

more complicated. Any individual life is a mass of costs and gains. Sequence A is one way of going through the Settling Down period. In this pattern, a man's advancement is in accord with his own timetable, the stresses are

manageable, the gains outweigh the costs of the struggle, and

his inner sense of success exceeds his sense of failure. In the next develop-

mental period, starting

around 40, he

at

the course and outcome of his

life in

will

have the task of reappraising

the thirties.

lutely necessary to re-evaluate his goals

He may

and seek new

then find

it

abso-

directions.

Sequence B. Serious Failure or Decline

Within

a Stable Life Structure

About 20 percent

of our

men

exemplify this sequence.

Some

of

them

fail

and obvious ways during the course of Settling Down. Others achieve a good deal of external success but fail in certain crucial respects which make the entire enterprise pointless in their own eyes. We found this in gross

pattern in two workers, three executives and two biologists (see page 152).

None

of the hourly workers

found

vance in job level during their late

and found other ways— through to gain a sense of progress

and

it

possible to

thirties.

A

make

their unions, families or

seniority.

Two

were trapped in a constricting, oppressive

life

a significant ad-

few were reconciled to

community

this

life

of the ten workers, however,

that held

little

promise for

the future.

Luke Doby, a Black man, had been steadily employed as a construction worker. At 39, however, he was forced by a series of illnesses and operations to give

When

up heavy work. He became a janitor, which he found degrading. income fell below the poverty level, it was supplemented by wel-

his

Down

Five Sequences Through the Settling

Period

155

payments. This in turn undermined his position in the family, which

fare

until then

and

had been

and

relatively well integrated

had become quite marked when we saw him physically dying. (His life after 39

An example whose

of

is

more moderate

His

stable.

The

value for his fapiily, society and himself.

less

at 43:

life

continue his story in

Chapter

less

he was mentally and

described in Chapter 18.)

failure

the worker William Paulsen,

is

through the novice phase was presented in Chapter

life

held

process of decline

We shall

8.

18.

Down

Equivalent kinds of failure in Settling

were found

our

in three of

ten executives. All three had with great effort achieved a position in middle

management by

their mid-thirties.

They

Becoming came to

started the phase of

One's

Own Man

with great hopes for

them

as a bitter

disappointment. Mike Gallagher was an engineer from

Carnegie Tech.

He became

advancement, and

head of an important unit

failure

in his

company

at

34 and was regarded as a real comer. At 37, however, he received a "lateral promotion" which meant exile within the company, and his career was in ruins.

When we

saw him

at 39

able to advance and not ready to

in a state of quiet desperation, not

he was

move

elsewhere.

Other middle managers received occasional promotions and were able to remain in the

company without too much

humiliation.

however, they had reached their ceilings

thirties,

in their goals,

but their sense of direction and their

The

By the

late

not only would they

:

fail

possibilities for the

management in industry is pyramanagement for every 15 or 20 in middle management. Since the culture of management places a great value on upward mobility, most middle managers are doomed to personal failure,

future were undermined.

structure of

midal, with only one position in top

ranging in degree from moderate to devastating.

A similar pyramid exists— although universities.

industry.

The outcome

Two

with different characteristics—in our

of that competition can be as devastating as in

of our ten biologists

went through Sequence B, and the

ex-

perience of failure figured strongly in the lives of several others at this time.

Some

of them, faculty

late thirties that they

members

at

an

elite university,

would not be promoted

would have to leave the following year. This

were told in their

to tenured professorships is

more the

ception in such universities: the majority of younger faculty like

middle managers

them go

in

to other universities, at various

academic

Norman Kromer, about himself

levels

both advancement and

accompanied by the most contradictory

failure

members-

industry— do not gain senior positions. Most of

case the change represents is

and

rule than the ex-

a biologist

who was

as a scientist

and

a

and

let

go

at 39,

He

In each

kind of demotion.

self-evaluations

a person.

salaries.

and

had strong felt that

It

feelings.

feelings of

he had not

1

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

56

been able to speak with

eminent

nition as an

his

"Where can

begin by asking,

mental questions: "Have Shall

my

maintain

I

own

my

limited success?

I

I

He had

more funda-

to start with

anything important to contribute as a scientist?

primary commitment to theory and research, despite

Or

shall

settle for a position involving

I

I

(and

my

mainly teach-

discipline) value these less?

should get out of the university altogether and pursue other

I

ests that

planning his next move, he could not

get a job?"

ing and administration, though

perhaps

and therefore could not gain recog-

voice,

biologist. In

Or

inter-

have neglected for years/'

I

Another

Steven Brenner, was in a very different situation. At

biologist,

37 he had a national reputation and became a tenured associate professor. The promotion was given in reward for his past accomplishments and,

even more, in anticipation of his future contribution. In accepting the pro-

motion he was, ered shortly.

in effect, giving a promissory note for products to

He was

be

deliv-

then starting a research partnership with a colleague

working at another university. By the time Brenner had reached

39, the

and received great acclaim. His collaborator's laborahowever, had done the bulk of the work and was given the primary

project was completed tory,

credit.

Although Brenner received recognition

the work, the other

through.

It

was not

and to what extent an at 39

was done. Despite

injustice

he regarded himself and

New

own

his

defeat,

his considerable success,

for

man

in his late thirties experiences

with new awareness

greater urgency the flaws of the life structure established at the start

Down

of the Settling this structure,

may

of a real break-

Life Structure

In Sequence C, a

and

major contributor to

his life as essentially a failure.

Sequence C. Breaking Out: Trying a

as a

man was seen as the creative source clear how much Brenner colluded in

focus

period.

He

previously

but now, at age 36 or

upon one

area,

such

as

37, his life

work

foundly alienated from his entire world.

and without space

in

cannot go on

has.

as

he

had some

dissatisfaction

becomes

or marriage, or

He

with

intolerable.

he may

feels suffocated,

constrained

which to be himself and to do what matters most.

Life experiences of this sort can occur at any age. specific to a given period.

What

is

distinctive here

They is

are

He

feel pro-

He

by no means

the overall pattern

and the developmental context in which it occurs. Just a before, the man had committed himself to certain choices and

of self-in-world

few years

started building a life structure that would,

family for

some

time. In

most of these

he hoped, serve him and

cases, the Settling

Down

his

structure

Down

Five Sequences Through the Settling

Period

157

made

involved a reaffirmation of choices (especially in marriage and work)

The paradox

during the twenties.

much

invested so

that now, after he

is

time and effort in

he

it,

and

have

his family

finds this structure increasingly

oppressive and feels compelled to break out.

Sequence time of

as a

C

is

crisis.

perhaps the most dramatic example of the late

when he

Just

made

mentally wrong. Having

he cannot continue to

much

to destroy

he

bed

his

Yet

to

to

become

that there

feels

own man and

his

something funda-

is

(marital, occupational or whatever),

change

is

to tear the fabric of his

life,

As he

that he has built over the last ten or fifteen years.

make

struggles to

lie in it.

most eager

is

to fulfill his adult aspirations,

thirties

put— he

the fateful decision— to break out or to stay

is

be moody, uncommunicative, alternately resentful of others and

likely to

blaming of himself.

The ture

is

difficulty lies partly in the actuality of his life.

indeed flawed.

aspects of the

Man

is

boy

it is

now

a

to

time.

Own

and have been

be more

who

ties to

man

life struc-

be someone he can no longer

essential to pursue the

in himself

women. As

him

This man's

to live out crucially important

some

tolerated, for

Dream,

fully a

man,

to

to

be a person of

be

enslaved

less

desperately needs to be cared for and

who

powerful, exploitive adults.

process of "breaking out"

ships with

him

because the tasks of Becoming One's

integrity, to

victimized by his inner

The

requires

flaws have existed,

independence and little

it

intolerable

are so urgent:

by the

does not permit

and

self,

But the

accept.

They become

It

may go on

in marriage

struggles with the little

struggles as well with the maternal figures in himself

and

and other boy

relation-

in himself,

his wife.

He

he

experi-

ences his wife largely in maternal terms: at best, a good mother benignly

nurturing her flock and managing the family

witch or in line

selfish bitch,

life;

using both her strength and her weakness to keep

and prevent him from becoming what he

As he

sees

it,

at worst, a destructive

his wife

cannot hear what he

is

truly

him

wants to be.

trying to tell her, nor can

she appreciate his need for a greater measure of autonomy and intimate

From

sharing.

her point of view, he

but inchoate grievances, suddenly

is

unaccountably upset,

critical of

labored so long to achieve, yet unable to is

difficult to sort

actually like;

creating of

them

tell

her what he

full of life

now

strong

they have wants.

out the various elements in this situation: what she

what he

projects onto her;

and maintaining

how

It is

they both participate in

what extent each more mutual, adult relationship with a new attachment and separateness. Both, I must emphasize, have been

is

balance of

her and of the

a relationship hurtful to both; to

ready to form a

involved in creating the relationship, and both will have a part in deter-

mining

its

outcome.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

158

The

may be

result

A

as well.

separation and divorce, but there are other outcomes

"cold war" truce in which a poor marraige

and

external

may end

period of open warfare or silent conflict is

kind of

in a

endured because of various

some cases the couple are able to and make their marriage more satisfactory

internal constraints. In

change themselves and their

lives,

than before.

men (13 percent) were predominantly in Sequence C These included two workers, two executives and a novelist.

Five of our forty (see page 152).

In several other cases, including some biologists, "breaking out" occurred in

another pattern or in a subsequent developmental period. Sequence probably more

men who

common

and

40 to 45 are likely without breaking out.

to have pursued this occupation for

This sequence highlights the

biologists at age

some

years,

and potential

difficulties

man

starts

the phase of Becoming One's

and he

is

Own Man,

faced with a terrible dilemma.

If

forming

costs of

Down

a badly flawed life structure at the start of the Settling a

is

than in our sample, since

are executives, novelists

less tolerable

C

in the general population

period.

As

become

the flaws

he remains

in this

become his own man. On the other hand, he has already made major commitments within the early Settling Down structure and changing them may be hurtful to family, co-workers and others who depend on him. Breaking out of this structure there

structure If a

is

the danger that he will be unable to

is

a tough undertaking indeed.

man

tries to

terminate his occupation or his marriage,

The

through the process of separation.

several years to carry

tion

and marriage-family

life,

though they

will

it

will take

first

occupa-

continue to occupy a significant place in his

have new meanings and a new place in the structure.

will

The breaking out may be dramatized by a single decisive act, a marker event such as moving out of the home or quitting a job or going to another part of the country.

But the process

of breaking

away began

earlier

and

will

go

much longer than is usually recognized. The process of breaking in —making new choices and building a new life— is also time consuming. A man may remarry soon after leaving his first wife, but it will take several years to establish a new marriage (and, often, a new family). If he makes on

for

a change in occupation, he will go through a period of transition as he leaves

one occupational world and gradually enters the next.

Finally,

and

this

is

out at 37 can create a aspirations,

aspirations

life

structure in

all:

and

illusions

come

a major life

Own Man,

into question.

change

went through

before a

which to

he enters the Mid-life Transition

who attempted One's

the hardest blow of

new

at

man who

40 or 41.

We

Now

all

of his

found that every

man

Becoming considerable instability and

in the late thirties, as part of

a period of

breaks

realize his early adult

.

Five Sequences Through the Settling

flux lasting eight to ten years. It

Period

159

not possible to establish a new structure

is

and

until the Mid-life Transition ends

Down

a

new

stable period, Entering

Middle

Adulthood, begins in the mid-forties (see Chapter 18)

Are the

highly flawed Settling stay put

and

Down

try to repair or

The problem

is

C

Sequence

costs of

greater or less than the gains?

endure

it?

Down

predict the costs

he

that a

and gains of any course

may

forming

his life struc-

A

highly flawed

man

whether he

in this

stays

put or

predicament cannot

of action. Small wonder, then,

if

either choice: staying

lead to a kind of living death (or suicide); breaking out

destructive to his loved ones

Of

is

overwhelmed by the negative prospects of

feels

put

in

are very hard to modify.

structure will be extremely costly in any case,

breaks out. Part of the difficulty

man

There are no simple answers here.

man makes

that the key choices a

ture at the start of Settling

Should a

structure be dismantled, or should a

and not bring the better

life

he

may be

craves.

between remaining passively

course, there are intermediate options

stuck within the existing structure and making drastic changes that entail great sacrifice

by the

in the life structure ever,

More modest accommodations How-

his family.

judicious, "reasonable" course.

because of the high stakes and the intense passion involved in a devel-

opmental

crisis,

moderate change

choice can be made,

A

man and

might be the more

it is

problem of marital

often not feasible. Before a realistic

is

essential to place the

problem

in wider perspective.

conflict or job dissatisfaction during the late thirties

frequently reflects a deep fault in the

must be based on an understanding

life structure.

Efforts at

of this structure

and

its

improvement

roots in self

and

world.

Various discussions of "mid-life in "the

crisis" refer to

times of great difficulty

middle years," which may cover any part of the span from 35 to 65.

Crises occurring at different ages within this span have

common. The

nature, sources

and consequences

however, in different developmental periods. thirties will

Own Man.

A

"mid-life crisis" only for to identify others

crisis

crisis

occurring in the late

occurring in the early forties will reflect the

We prefer to use the term

one that occurs within the Mid-life Transition, and

by the name of the period

example, Jaques showed that

many

artists

in

have

which they happen. For

crises in their late thirties

(the peak age being 37). In our view these are crises of

Man, although they

Becoming One's

usually extend into the Mid-life Transition.

of our four biographees exemplify the pattern of breaking out in

the Settling

Down

features in

be shaped by the developmental context of Becoming One's Likewise, a

developmental issues of the Mid-life Transition.

Own Two

many

of the crisis will differ,

Down

period. In

Chapter 11 we

period of James Tracy, the executive,

shall describe the Settling

who broke

out of his

first

mar-

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l6o

riage; in ist,

Chapter

who broke As

12, the Settling

out of his

,

Down

period of Paul

Namson, the

novel-

occupation.

first

a briefer example, let us consider Philip Abbott, a technician in the

He dropped

electronics industry.

out of college after one year, married at

19 and obtained some engineering training in the army before returning

home

to his

town. Over the next ten years he took occasional college

courses, read widely in the technical as well as humanistic-psychological literature,

and held increasingly good

jobs in "research

a small plant

and could have remained

and development"

he became a manager in

or as a production supervisor. In his early thirties

at this level.

But he soon

quit.

He

concluded that a manager had to compete mercilessly with other managers

and put company ready to do

At

34,

profits

ahead of more humane values, and he was not

this.

Abbott took

another company.

a supervisory position

He now found

management. With Yet

It

as a

an hourly worker in

he understood how poor

his managerial perspective

management was causing problems ships.

as

himself suspended between workers and

and of human

of production

relation-

worker he was not in a position to do anything about

this.

was painful to be part of a hurtful system and do nothing to change

Although he

tried to detach himself emotionally

from the work

he continued to experience alienation and helpless

rage.

it.

situation,

At 37 he and

his

wife began to talk about alternative possibilities. She too was expanding

her horizons and wanted a better to a

Western

state

life

for

both of them. At 38 they moved

with the idea of living more in nature (an old love)

and developing an occupation outside of the occurred in the context of Becoming One's

how

it

worked

industrial firm.

Own Man. We

The move

do not know

out.

Sequence D. Advancement

Which

Itself

Produces a Change

in Life Structure

In Sequence A, as ture; style.

we have

seen, a

There may be changes

But the

in job,

man

advances within a stable

income, family,

basic character of the

life

social

life

structure remains relatively un-

changed. In Sequence D, however, advancement brings with

change

life struc-

network and

it

a significant

in life structure.

The

basic pattern

increase in income.

opportunity to

is

At

as follows

first

:

A man

receives a

promotion or a

drastic

glance the increase seems to be a great boon, an

and do things that he has long wanted to do. But into a new world in which he has new roles and rela-

live better

this gain propels

him

tionships. Ibactivates

new

aspects of the

self,

while providing

little

room

for

*

Five Sequences Through the Settling

Down

the expression of other, formerly important aspects. In short,

change

may

The advancement

in his life structure.

is

mixed

a

Period

161

leads to a

it

blessing,

and

it

turn out to be a curse.

*Three of our forty

D

emplify Sequence types": they

men— a

went through

partly as a result of

an executive and a novelist— ex-

biologist,

Another three

(see page 152).

were "mixed

cases

a change in life structure in the late thirties,

advancement, but other factors (such

as

breaking out)

played a more significant part.

This sequence

is

Mohn.

well represented by an executive, Roger

getting his engineering degree, he returned to his

home town and

took a

job in a large manufacturing firm, where he has worked ever since.

he got married and began a

During

this

life

that

Mohn

little

desire for

advancement. By

his early

was the head of the shop, and traveled around the country

developing and testing

age 31 and 35. This

new

products.

time— the

He and

He

early Settling

his wife

bought a home

life.

had what was

him an optimal

for

He

Christ of the metals shop."

community

Down

in a

at his

period— was the high

loved his work and devoted long hours to

point of his adult

level of responsibility: "I

it.

He

was the Jesus

was building a family and doing well in

of his origins.

When Mohn was ment

24,

He found

modest middle-class neighborhood. Their two children were born

the

At

stability until his mid-thirties.

time he worked in a shop that made special products.

the work interesting, and he had thirties

had great

After

37 the

company rewarded him with

position as purchasing manager.

Unable

a

middle-manage-

to refuse this

advancement,

he entered a new occupation and a new world. The promotion was a step in changing his life structure.

He

first

gave up the leadership of the small,

production-centered world he loved, and took on managerial functions in

an impersonal, competitive world that

he enjoyed

it less,

lay

beyond

his earlier ken.

he was excited by the challenge and did

Although

well.

As he

turned 40, he was offered a senior position as manager of manufacturing,

with responsibility for 400 people.

From

37 to 40 Roger

Mohn

succeeded occupationally beyond his most

extravagant dreams. But the advancement changed the character of his life.

It

eliminated what had been the central element of his earlier

structure— the metal shop and his distinctive role within a major

new element: an

and motivation, and

for

move out

which he was given minimal

was markedly above

him among

his,

of the lower middle class in

his family of origin

and

It

life

introduced

executive position for which he lacked experience

job tripled his income and placed class level

it.

his

It

training.

colleagues at

enabled

him— or

The new

work whose

forced

him— to

which he had been firmly rooted by

own commitments.

In brief, Roger

Mohn's

.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l62

promotions during the phase of Becoming One's to 40, took

much

mitted

and

him

off

Own Man,

greater external success but was

alien to his primary cultural world.

from 41 to 44 were the low point of The biologist Arthur Treloar through advancement

as

offers

an

his

ladder per-

primary aspirations

overreached himself.

a

The

years

Chapters 13 and 18)

his life (see

example of change

different

Down. Trained

in Settling

gan his academic career at 32

He

beyond

from age 37

The new

the ladder he had earlier chosen.

he be-

in biochemistry,

and "promising young

assistant professor

researcher" in a prestigious university.

During the next few years he

ized that he greatly enjoyed teaching.

He

research was small

and

his interest

real-

also realized that his talent for

even smaller. As he told

us, 'Til

never

win the Nobel Prize." At 38 he was promoted to a tenured position, and with this came the freedom to leave.

an innovative but

as professor in

The

next year he accepted a position

less prestigious university in

the West.

His major function in the new department, and the thing that most attracted him, was to develop new courses of his own and to plan a new curriculum for the undergraduate major. His research productivity was not essential here.

The change

in job represented

a breaking out (Sequence

authority.

From

was more than

great,

period, research life

structure.

made It

in

D) and

academic rank and

the point of view of the scientific community, this gain

offset

by the drop

his reputation as a researcher.

vancement was

both an advancement (Sequence

C). The advancement was

but

it

in the prestige of the university

From

own

Treloar's

Now, although he was from

a major career change:

still

in

point of view, the ad-

was to a new ladder. In the early Settling

and teaching coexisted uneasily

and

as central

Down

elements in his

an academic biologist, he had

scientist to educator.

was not until the phase of Becoming One's

Own Man

that Treloar

make the change, and the differences were crucial. Research was a peripheral element of the new life structure, and teaching was central. He could

was becoming an educational administrator. In time he would advance further to be department chairman or university administrator.

The move west

thus represented a change from the

around the research ladder symbolized by the Nobel

He dreamed

initial career built

Prize. It involved a

new life in a new world. The new university would be more benign and devoted to humane educational ideals. He would devote more time to his family and change in other respects

as well.

his leisure interests— skiing,

of starting a

mountain climbing, the enjoyment of natural

beauty.

Treloar in

an

made

this

effort to live

change

at the height of

Becoming One's

with greater autonomy and fulfillment.

Own Man, Much

self-

Five Sequences Through the Settling

analysis,

Down

planning and exploration went into the choice of a

Period

new

163

life setting.

for pulling up his fragile roots and taking this At the same time, he was making a big bet: the new world might not be up to his expectations, and he might not have the talent or

There were sound reasons

new

direction.

new

character needed to succeed in the

enterprise. His anticipations of

the future were cautiously hopeful— and extravagantly optimistic. His plans

were realistic— and

Our

filled

with

illusions.

We

story ends at this point.

barking upon a

new

life.

He

is

em-

leave Arthur Treloar at age 40,

about to enter the Mid-life Transition,

the existing structure comes into question,

when

when

illusions are confronted,

when new aspects of the self demand expression and new paths must be formed. The character of his life will change, in part because the new situation will bring new opportunities and demands, and even more, because he is in a process of inner growth that will lead him in unexpected directions.

Sequence E. Unstable Life Structure In

all

the previous sequences, a relatively stable

in the Settling

Down

A

period. In Sequences

structure

life

and B

in the

phase of

In Sequence E, the

life

formed

this structure

Down, whereas in C and Becoming One's Own Man.

tained to the end of Settling

change

is

D

there

structure remains relatively unstable

throughout the entire Settling

Down

period.

None

of the

men

is

is

early

main-

a major

and

in flux

in this se-

quence actively sought or welcomed the recurrent change and transiency of his life. All of

them made an

effort to

work on the

tasks of Settling

Down.

In each case, a variety of external circumstances and internal difficulties conspired to prevent the structure this

decade

choice.

man from

as a

but we believe they are

E

rare.

live

The

be grave

in the years that follow.

men

:

a worker, a biologist,

a novelist (see page 152). In three other cases, a biologist

and two

was rather precarious but stable enough to

be included in one of the other sequences.

Our mode

gave us an overrepresentation of more stable

A

life

psychological and sociar costs of following

in the thirties are likely to

executives, the life structure

up

one whose

happily in this way during these years,

This sequence was found in three of our forty

and

No

his thirties experienced

time of personal fulfillment or of reasonably happy, free

There may be men who

Sequence

achieving his aims.

went through frequent change during

of sampling probably

lives.

Hank McCloud, went through Sequence E. He had grown poverty and isolation of the West Virginia mountain country. At

worker,

in the

17 he volunteered for the army and spent two years as a loner, with minimal

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

164

education and job

He

skills.

years in a military hospital. This

wounded, and he spent three point in his

For the

life.

then had the luck— good or bad?— to be

first

time he had the

leisure, social

was

a high

supports and

Without formal schooling he became managed a staff, and formed a Dream of becoming a radio or television personality. At 22, Hank McCloud left the army "like an eagle on its first flight from the nest." Unfortunately, the army hospital had nourished his hopes of flying but had given him very little in the way of education, occupational resources to lead an interesting

life.

a radio operator, established a hospital radio station, recruited and

skills

or preparation for civilian

nouncer he held a articulate

series of jobs

life.

After getting training as a radio an-

around the country.

young man, 'Very big with the

relationships with

women

teenagers. "

He was an attractive, He had many casual

but no strong attachments or commitments. In

time he experienced more acutely the emotional emptiness and purposelessness of this

life.

clinging to the

—and

Periodically he returned to his father in

hope

of securing their relationship

and

West

Virginia,

starting a life there

learning again and again that the relationship was impossible and the

situation intolerable.

The time from 27 '

his

nomadic

At 29 he had

for McCloud. He began to hate more stable, purposeful life in the East. army illness and spent several months in a

to 29 was a

and then to seek

life

a flare-up of his

low point a

convalescent home. During this time his old interest in nature returned

and he

started painting landscapes.

•salesman, purchasing agent

Over the next few

and counselor

years

he worked

in a boys' reformatory,

as a

but he

could not establish a clear occupational direction or a stable work history.

At

33,

he married a

who

but strong person

woman

nine years younger than he. She was a gentle

shared his love of nature. In his mind, she was almost

too good to be true— the special trying to

make

it

woman. He was

still

the lost country boy

urban world. She was of that world, the

in the genteel,

only child in a stable, lower-middle-class family, the apple of her parents' eye.

He

build. his ize.

looked to her to be a center for the

The

marriage helped

hopes of establishing a

life

he so desperately wanted to

him to begin the process of Settling Down, but more secure occupational base did not material-

In the next four years he held office jobs in three different firms, and

in each case

he quit or was

fired after getting into conflict

Just after our interviewing started, at 37,

with his boss.

he was given notice on the

cur-

rent job.

At

37, then,

McCloud's

been married for four

years,

life

presented a very mixed picture.

owned

a small

family was the central focus of his

however, he was

still

in total flux.

life

home and had

and

During

a

first,

He had

child. His

a strong support. Otherwise,

his twenties

he had

lost all con-

Down

Five Sequences Through the Settling

nection with his pre-adult world in

beginning to put

down

West

Period

165

he was

just

Virginia, but at 37

fragile roots in his wife's

New

England world.

He

would have to decide soon whether to keep trying to form an occupation in the business world, or to early identity

and

skills,

do work that stemmed more

even though

Hank McCloud knew

it

was

it

late to

was

less

middle

work on the

It

was

terms of his

also late in terms of his

Down

tasks of Settling

and Becoming One's

talking about his prospects after the current job failure,

comes

to

it,

I

can always do carpentry or

accept this possibility, with

full

from

his

be working on these choices— late

in the timetable of the occupational world, late in

and family requirements.

directly

class.

pump

gas."

He

own

goals

developmental

Own Man. he

said,

"If

In it

was trying to

awareness of the grim implications.

It

meant that he had to curtail his aspirations for a more affluent life just at the time when advancement was so important. His wife might have to. work again as a nurse and have her parents care for the baby. And that meant that her parents would let them both understand that their predictions about him were coming true. He had to face the fact that he was not yet master of his own ship, and the ship was in stormy seas. These are the period.

The

and

from the major developmental

tasks

same time, men work on these

tasks in

comes to an end

at

is

the same for

all

men.

It

stems

all.

At the

myriad ways and there are

infinite

issues confronting us

Whatever its course and outcome, around 40 as new developmental tasks gain

variations in the individual life course. this period

Down

possibilities— and the tragedies— of the Settling

basic character of this period

primacy and a new period begins.

The

JJ

James Tracy

of

In Chapter 7

we

followed the

When we

Transition.

from military to

Life

left

civilian life.

three main components: his

of James Tracy through the

life

him

at age 34,

He

his fragile

ture

had

its

he had

just

new

Age Thirty

completed the

was establishing a new

built

life

with his wife and children;

life

but growing love relationship with Joan. This

contradictions and tensions, but

create for starting to Settle

Just as things

shift

around

executive position in Hartford with the

Ajax Corporation; his continuing family

and

(II)

struc-

life

was the best basis he could

it

Down.

were getting stabilized, Tracy's mentor, Al

Hugo,

left

Ajax.

had tremendous respect

I

that hired

me and

sent

me

for Al.

I

out on

my

a fight with the president of Ajax.

resigned.

Whether he

body would

fire

might have.

I

They

got fired or not

him.

The

first

I

He

loved him.

literally

was the guy

Then he

assignment.

got in

got at cross purposes and Al

will

never know.

I

doubt

No-

it.

president was kind of a knucklehead, so he

have seen Al

off

and on

since.

He

is

now working

as

an

executive vice president for a smaller company.

Tracy too thought of leaving Ajax. His descriptions of the corporation at this

He

time are

felt

filled

its

cliques

he would have had to include

clique at work,

their relationship social

with criticisms of

and the

social pressures.

To

participate in the

his wife.

But he knew that

vulnerable because he wouldn't conform.

was shattered, that he and Victoria could not join

in a

network.

When

Al

Hugo

left,

mentor, he had only a job. out again

if

work had

He

little

filed his aspirations

conditions improved.

Without a away, ready to take them

meaning

With Ajax

for Jim.

in transition,

and Hugo gone,

could he maintain his job? For the sake of fatherhood, could he improve his marriage? If

he wanted more intimacy with a woman, could he sustain

the necessary effort?

From

age 34 to 37, these questions and tensions grew. Jim Tracy's posi-

The became

tion

more

progressively

in the center of his

difficult

current situation and construct a

but he was unable to make up total defeat of his marriage

father;

to offer love.

it.

He

Joan more

to break out of his

Joan offered that opportunity,

It

was hard to acknowledge the

chance with another

a

167

thought constantly of

He wanted

life.

mind.

his

and take

He had

he now faced the

new

He wanted

and absurd.

and Victoria out of

life,

Joan and their possible future together.

seemed

Life of James Tracy (II)

woman who

always prided himself on being a dutiful

conflict

between

responsibility to his children

and

to himself.

The

worldly accomplishments that had seemed so important in ado-

The

lescence and early adulthood no longer represented the whole dream.

elements— work, marriage and the "other

three major

more than

woman"— conflicted

he had to modify them and integrate the fractured

ever;

life

structure.

1

Own Man

Becoming One's It

took Jim Tracy until age 37 to be able to take a decisive step. At this how unfair he had been to himself and to Joan: "I just

point he realized

kept stringing her along, saying that together." Joan was bitterly

marry Jim.

He

when

unhappy

the children are older, we'll get

in her

own

marriage and eager to

understood the duplicity in the relationship and

finally

had to act Since

didn't

I

felt

I

damn

to leave the children,

from them.

enough about her

strongly

remember the and

want

me away

strong to pull

incident.

I

was thinking about fool.

I

called her

mind." The minute

I

happened it,

and

got

make

to

and

to

it

I

had

to

be something pretty

was strong enough, or

seem worthwhile. ...

I

I

just

be in a hotel room in Los Angeles,

finally said,

said, "I

home

it

Finally, Joan

you know,

have had

was going to

it.

I

have

I

am

being a god-

just

made up my

talk to Victoria,

and

I

did.

Jim and Joan agreed on a complicated arrangement that would enable them both to get out of their respective marriages. Jim told Victoria that he could not live with her, and moved out. had not loved her for years and she was getting under my skin. I just I had had it. She tried very hard to keep it from happening. Finally, she agreed that I should go live by myself for a while. Her hope I

told her that

was that

I

would get straightened out and come back. She kept the thing

dragging for over a year and then

finally

consented to divorce

me

with a

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l68

very liberal settlement. She cried hysterically for a couple of days, off and on, and

By

He

this

I

just steeled

myself against

time Jim had

it.

sympathy toward Victoria.

inclination for

little

was impatient to get on with the task of building a new

much

would be

feeling for her

a threat to his decision.

To show

life.

There was no

place for self-doubt, no turning or looking back.

Over

a fourteen-month period,

and were married.

He

was

38,

and she

called this period of separation

ment and I

Jim and Joan obtained their divorces with a 3-year-old son. Jim

28,

and remarriage with enthusiasm,

a sense of accomplishment, not unlike his experiences in

was

really

taken to the cleaners

when

I

was divorced.

My

re-

excite-

combat:

bank account

was down to $75.60. I had a 1957 Ford convertible and the clothes on my back. I had the salary check and then the big alimony, but we started with nothing. Joan didn't have any money. rented a house in Glastonbury for the

and

finally

found

this place. It

We

first

was very

bought

I

paid

all

the

bills at

once.

We

and then Joan went around but small, a four-room house

year,

nice,

and added

to it twice, and bought some additional property. It's got a nice river down from the back yard and it was in terrible disrepair as far as landscape went. I was so damned happy to be out from under that I didn't realize how tough it was going to be for a little while. But it worked out.

with a big living room.

Jim's enthusiasm helped

divorce and remarriage.

they entailed.

it

him deny the problems emanating from the

He minimized

While supporting

the emotional and financial costs

Victoria and their two children, he and

Joan and her son were living in a small rented house.

For an action-oriented man, the introduction of uncertainties was upsetting.

He' suppressed the doubts and

and pursued an objective

fears,

course of action. His plans and strategies masked the chaos within him.

Tracy defended himself strongly against there

may have been

all

inner doubts. Underneath,

a fear of retribution for his violation of a traditional

pattern of behavior.

Tracy began making his new family more central to him: he spent time with them, bought land, developed a new home. True, there were eco-

nomic and emotional

stresses.

held exciting possibilities for pattern, bility,

But he had brought about change, and it the future. He had broken out of the old

and he could hope that the new one would give him more

sta-

intimacy and love.

Shortly after Jim left Victoria, there was a major reorganization at Ajax.

Donald Bond and Walter Johnson came

in

from Chicago "to turn

Ajax around." Bond, eight years older than Tracy, was a hard-driving man.

The

Life of James Tracy (II)

169

In the general housecleaning he instigated, Tracy was the only local execu-

who

tive

was a very exciting time. Tracy had great respect for

survived. It

Bond, who took him into of the

him

his confidence, gave

a deeper understanding

company, and most importantly, revealed the

highest

company

Don

was a very tough-minded businessman who

He was one

percent return on investment.

he was doing and had great school every day of the week.

had a

I

I

lapped

just

turned Ajax a 10

who knew what Bond was like going to up. I watched every move

of these guys

Working

will.

literally

we now were making

around. After losing millions in the gun plant,

he made.

personalities of the

executives.

for it

close business relationship with

him.

We

just sort of

got along together. It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me,

working for this guy directly for three years. ... He was a fine manager and had tremendous insight into people. He did an awful lot of things for me, let me grow, and taught me things. Don would tell me things

anyone

that, Christ, he'd never tell

else in the world,

New

about his relationships with people in to

me

know. He'd ask

questions about

it,

York that

not even his wife,

had no business

I

—

he'd bounce things off

sort of

a sounding board,

Don Bond,

emerged

close in age to Tracy,

was much more intimately involved

as a clear

mentor

He

figure.

in Tracy's life—even attending the

wedding to Joan— than any of the other powerful older men who had previously helped his career. And Tracy was considerably more receptive to kind of intense relationship than he had been

this

During

The

his late thirties,

earlier.

Tracy was outstandingly successful

previously powerful aspects of his mother's influence

He

was moving

to Joan

had opened

the more positive parts of his father were being integrated.

both

closer to

men and women. The new commitment

him up and made

man

as well.

possible to have a

it

Don's

more intimate

at work.

had diminished;

relationship With a

on the scene and the developing mentor relagrowth and sense of worth. This period, from age

arrival

tionship facilitated his

38 to 40, was marked by excitement, accomplishment and future potential.

He was becoming his own man.

The their

but

it

make

Tracys bought a plot of land in Glastonbury and began designing

"dream home."

it

"just right."

saw Joan life

Initially

this

was a small four-bedroom structure,

was gradually extended. Architect's plans were constantly revised to

as a

When

"helpmate"

Jim was 40, their son

who would

facilitate

Tommy

to replace the previous restless, frantic searching.

woman who would pression to his hopes

help

him

She was

pull his life together, enrich

and dreams.

He

was born.

the development of a

it

new

a special

and give

ex-

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

17O

Then, suddenly,

LIFE

Don Bond

left

Ajax to become chief executive of a

smaller company. Walter Johnson was promoted into Bond's position and

became the number one executive in Hartford. Tracy was number two, the general manager of the Firearms Division, but on a probationary basis. He still had to prove himself at this level. At 40, Tracy felt that his mentor had abandoned him and left him exposed to the machinations of the organization. He began looking "in a half-assed way" for another job. He experienced the year between 40 and 41 as a time of testing. In addition, Tracy was

When my

in

I

hit 40,

young guy on

anymore.

At

41,

was a

I

really

his

When

viewed myself as a young guy his

way up, and

cannot do things

I

own

aging.

traumatic experience. As long as

myself as a kid.

thirties, I visualized

that. I'd always

a

it

now concerned about

all

who

of a sudden,

once did.

I

I

hit 40, is

I

I

was

really felt

doing pretty well,

am

not a young guy

kind of scary.

It's

Jim received a firm promotion to general manager and vice

president of the Firearms Division, one of the largest and most profitable divisions of the corporation.

He now had

authority over thousands of em-

ployees in Hartford and two Midwestern plants. This was the "culminating event" of his early adulthood. Settling

Down

ladder.

The

full

evident only in the next few years.

and into

his Mid-life Transition.

He had

reached the top rung of his

meaning of It

this

turning point became

launched him into a new world—

We shall continue the story in Chapter 19.

f\(j\

The

J ^J

of Paul

Life

Namson,

Novelist

Paul

Namson was born in the summer of 1926. Two years later his only was born. The setting was West End Avenue in Manhattan—

sibling, Joel,

an ordered, comfortable Jewish world.

It

was

a business

New

grandfathers had been successful businessmen in early

1900s. His father's father

had been

Both

family.

York City

in the

the cosmetics business in

in

Budapest and come to the United States in the 1880s. Paul's father also

made

Though

a reasonable success of the cosmetics business.

and appealing, he was nonetheless

attractive

a "bullshit artist," often dishonest with

himself and his children.

A

His mother, on the other hand, was "absolutely straight."

woman, she read popular books and enjoyed going

and finishing-school

theater with old friends from her childhood

She took

pleasure in the social

little

playing cards.

household

who dominated the Namson The two men whom Paul respected most were

was her family, the Asches,

It

as Paul grew up.

Noah

brilliant

and her

and dynamic businessman, he was a millionaire

emulated. Noah,

thirty, a cultured

who became

lence in the world of the

men

favorite

Handler. Cyril came to play a central role in Paul's

by the time he was

the

years.

her husband loved— at the clubs,

life

Cyril Asch, his mother's brother (and Paul's godfather), cousin,

shy

and the

to concerts

arts,

a

Manhattan

executive, a

model

famous poet, was admired for

though

life.

A

several times over

some

also regarded with

to be

his excel-

disdain by

in the family because of his homosexuality, artistic qualities

and

rejection of the business world.

For Paul

his

mother was "very shadowy." "Early

disappeared; she never seemed to be there." brother's birth,

when he was "farmed out

his brother. Paul

felt that

he

the start and never regained

He

in

my

life

to an aunt" to

make

lost his close relationship to his

it.

He

was

my mother

related this absence to his

much more

it

easier for

mother

at

emotionally involved

with his father. His brother, on the other hand, was close to his mother,

who "pampered" him. Paul's brother, Joel,

knew

very early in his

life

that he

wanted

to

be

in

the

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

172

He would

arts.

be an

LIFE

actor, a writer

and

a director of plays.

"By the

time he was eight or nine Joel knew exactly what he wanted and never strayed

minute from

for a

From

that."

close

his

mother, Joel could move more comfortably into the into a homosexual

relationship arts

and

to

his

also, later,

life.

For Paul, more tied to

his father, the arts

were not an acceptable

When he was didn't Paul decided he want to follow father into the young his quite cosmetics business. Father was popular and could sell anybody anything option-— not part of a man's world. But where was he to go?

but he was a card-playing con

man

down on by

looked

Paul did not admire these qualities of his father's.

man

elsewhere for a

Although

his father

he moved up

have to look

to emulate.

also socially ambitious sion,

his wife's family.

He would

was

relatively

uneducated, a "simple man," he was

and took good care of

in the

world through his

his family.

own

Despite the depres-

efforts.

In the depression

years, there was a drop in the barriers that had kept Hungarian Jews out

of the upper-middle-class German-Jewish world

moved

new home

he aspired

When

to.

they

1937 Paul was able to leave public school and enter a private school for boys. He was accepted by his schoolmates and to a

their friends,

many

of

in

whom

were the children of upper-class German

Jews. His years at this school were

happy ones;

his

account of them

is

full

of

names and scenes and people he felt connected with. In the private school he began to develop a sense of what he might do

as

an adult. Although idea

I

girl

be a good

When "a

was very confused about what a psychiatrist. I'd

and done very well

literature,

with a

I

wanted to be

whose father was

done

I

wanted

to do,

in the sciences in high school.

a doctor.

So

it

I

had

a vague

a lot of reading in psychiatric

seemed

to

me

I

was in love

medicine would

career.

he graduated,

just before turning 16,

member of the Swank Set." He chose to attend Brown

the yearbook described

him

as

University largely because he wanted to get

New

York City and from his family. Paul now carried the Dream of his parents. He was making a place for himself in the GermanJewish milieu, and gave promise of realizing his father's hopes that he away from

would move

to the top in this world. Paul's next steps were to graduate

from a good

college,

go into a business or profession, and marry into

this

world.

At 16 Paul felt tied to his father— one of the "beautiful Namsons"— and yet he rejected much of what his father stood for. He was similarly

The torn in relation to his mother.

and the business and

He

Life of Paul

Namson, Novelist

was drawn to her qualities of character her family. At the same time he strug-

artistic values of

gled under the burden of her family's attitude toward the arts.

be interested in them, but should understand that a an

These inner

artist.

struggles, deriving

played a continuing role in Paul's adult

nessman

like Cyril,

wish to be an

homosexual world.

It

from

Noah. But

He

does not

should

become

his early years in the family,

wish to be a busi-

artist" like his father.

be an

to

man

He might

life.

but not a "bullshit

artist like

173

artist

He might

was to enter a feminine,

was no place for a man.

Early Adult Transition Paul was that

still

ternity that

much

seemed

It

fall.

very

in his parents'

world when he arrived on campus

natural, therefore, to join a 'Very tony" Jewish fra-

was "almost monolithically German Jewish." But, in contrast

to his account of his high school years with the fullness of

and

named

friends

close intimacies, the story of his college years contained a relatively

anonymous group of young men, "all headed for family businesses." Three events stand out in Namson's account of the first two years college: joining the fraternity; deciding not to

"my

of

go to medical school; and

discovery of literature." His interests quickly shifted from psychiatry

and science

He began

to literature.

to feel a

new

He

read a great deal and began to write in secret.

sense of animation.

In June 1944, just as he was finishing his third semester at Brown,

the Allies invaded Europe and he volunteered for the navy. "It was the

most broadening experience of Semitism;

now he was

my

He had never experienced antiLST with a group of white Southship. "It was made clear to me pretty

life."

assigned to an

erners— "the only Jewish boy" on the

was aware of

fast. I

it all

the time

up

all

my

satisfied

but

it

values."

realized that

It

a

The navy was an

was also an experience that "shook

he had been

atmosphere." "The Navy threw

made me

He

He

was on that ship."

I

experience in learning to fight back.

me

raised in

an "arrogant

self-

harshly into the big world,

more compassionate person."

got out of the navy in the

summer

of 1946, just after turning 20.

York only briefly and returned to Brown. Now certain that he did not want to be a doctor, he switched his major from pre-med to English, with a minor in economics. He took writing courses and wrote

He

stayed in

New

for the college

humor magazine. He

tion about his navy experiences

also wrote, semi-secretly, serious

and about the

conflicts

between

fic-

his family's

:

TI* E SEASONS

174

MAN

OF A

S

LIFE

and those he had encountered

values

An

in that "big world."

man

He

began to

him

into the writing

world: "I took a lot of creative writing courses. Several of

them were with

receive support for this work.

Austin Garrison.

wrote in

He

older

started a literary

invited

magazine and published a story

I

my senior year."

At the same time he developed an interest in business. During one summer he worked in the new underwriting firm of Asch and Company, which Cyril Asch had just started. Paul was interested in seeing for himself what

his hero's business

During

world was

seriously involved with

Nora belonged writing and wanted to become and

of contrasting dispositions

She appreciated

like.

he became

this time, too,

his

values.

Paul she was "like Rebecca at the well, the person to

whom

he showed

me

"She came and found have done

The met to

Paul/

other

told

He

very shyly and said,

To

Tou

really

Nora was

whom he had and Nora appealed

time was Sarah,

in Paul's life at this

"She had such a sensuous

face." Sarah

serious, intellectual, a writer. Sarah

helpmate

for a rising

young businessman.

love with and decided to marry.

him

later,

me

independent, "one of the best social dancers of

tion," a perfect fell in

a writer herself.

mature, serious." She was

large,

his serious fiction. After reading a story,

and kissed

different sides of Paul.

spirited,

women

"

woman

at a dance.

two

was

it,

two

to his writing world.

in tears, "I

hope you

will

When

It

my

Nora discovered

be very happy with that

genera-

was Sarah he this,

she

social butterfly."

married Sarah at age 21, just before graduating from college. Years

he started

married a

my

telling us his life story

with these words: "It

all

began

when we were in college over twenty years ago." He woman who represented the familial, Jewish, business world and

eloping with

wife

At the same time the marriage was in part his separation from his parents. The couple married suddenly and secretly. After the ceremony they returned to New York and told their families. Paul's father had a raging tantrum. The gist of his tirade was that Paul had married beneath his level. "Look what I had done with all the chances he and my mother had given me. He meant I could have married a more socially acceptable girl." Namson went on supported his connection to

it.

an act of rebellion and a crucial event in

I

got married as a

way

of not returning

been away from home since

16.

The

home.

I

whole problem. what would happen after that.

liant irrational solution to the

didn't think

Paul didn't have a plan for the future. going to Mexico "and

I

would

write."

I

me most

at

came up with a brilwould elope and get away.

graduation was the idea of having to return home.

I

was almost 22 and had

thing that frightened

He and

I

Sarah had thought of

They would

live

on the income

The from

a $20,000 legacy

Namson, Novelist

Life of Paul

he had received. Their marriage produced so much

turmoil and distress in Paul's family, however, that they didn't do guilt

he decided to remain

work, the

fall

175

in

New

found him withouta

He had

also

a vision of himself as a creative writer.

who

Austin Garrison and by Nora,

In his

summer

job.

Paul had used the years from 16 to 22 to begin the separating from his family.

it.

York. After some part-time

begun giving shape to

He

affirmed

was helped in

him

in this

work of

difficult

Dream:

a

this

work by

view of himself. At

the same time, just as he had minored in economics, so he lield a minor

Dream— a

view of himself

as a cultured

businessman

work

like Cyril. In his

made a tentative approach to the business he moved another step toward this world and

with Cyril, he

world. In marrying

Sarah,

its

He

values.

was

thus heading in two directions at once, toward writing and toward business.

The

tension between writing and business was to dominate his

life

through-

out early adulthood.

World

Entering the Adult In the

of 1948,

when Namson was

combined business and

that his

fall

becoming

writing.

22, Cyril

Asch came up with

He persuaded

Paul that his chances of

a successful writer

were

much

At the very

least,

Paul should give business a

cessful businessman.

could write on the

side. Cyril

had

just

less

a plan

than of becoming a suctry.

bought an apartment house.

He He

proposed that Paul manage the building and oversee the modernizing of the kitchens.

He offered

Paul $50 a week and an apartment in the building.

Paul accepted the offer and tentatively became a businessman-writer: I

expected to stay

long enough to write a best-seller and leave.

'just

basic idea, at least initially, I

was to write evenings and weekends.

did have a lot of spare time and

—

attracted to short forms

cause

it

stories,

I

sat in this office

My

Initially

and wrote.

I

poetry, prose poems, brief essays

was

—

be-

was very hard to sustain the writing. Somebody would always

have a leaky faucet or a John that didn't work.

He it

wrote a

lot that first year,

was shocking."

It

but "the rejection

was a discouraging experience.

ment house, however, went

well.

At the end

came back so fast The work in the apartslips

of the

first

year, Cyril sug-

gested that he apprentice out to another brokerage house as a salesman of stocks

and bonds. Paul again accepted

He went

to

work

of high finance.

He

for

his offer.

an established firm and got involved in the world

was able to make some substantial deals and earned

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

176

large commissions, the

money he had made on

first

salesman he had a great deal of free time.

and the

in painting

seemed

paintings leries

art world. "I

to

me

began to

his

He became

own. As

a freelance

intensely interested

drift into a lot of art galleries;

and meaningful world." The

a very real

the

art gal-

helped relieve the strain of "mechanically turning on the charm and

sincerity" to sell stocks.

At the end

when Paul was

of this year,

asked

24, Cyril

him

to join

Asch and Company. As usual, Cyril was being proved right: Namson was failing as a writer and succeeding as a businessman. He was attracted by the opportunities of the business world. For the third time he took Cyril's advice,

and joined the family business.

In their middle twenties, then, Paul and Sarah

Manhattanites, a

Namson became young

handsome couple about town.

Going ga-ga over these town houses and wanting that, beginning to get more and more involved in high living. We wanted to get to the chic parties and the interesting lofts. We were both interested in that. And I think some of our relationship was a little bit like Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.

I

don't

mean

to suggest

have his talent or

I

will

ever have his

success.

The work with Cyril Asch provided the base for his entry into "the life." The investment house was small but flourishing, and he and

high

Asch were becoming important was

I

I

had.

I

I

While becoming

He

He

was a very stimulating

more

got into the investment business the

got interested in the dynamics of

increasingly fascinating.

writing.

or something.

guess, in- terms of emulation, for a considerable period of time.

The deeper I

man

Cyril's right-hand

example,

to each other.

wrote

I

responsibilities

money making and found

a businessman, Paul

five novels

managed

to continue with his

during his twenties.

They

did not seem

good books to him and he was unable to get them published. These appointments were "a

it

did a very good job.

lot to

dis-

stomach," and they influenced his decision

to write criticism for the art magazines of the 1950s. I

began, at

gallery

first,

almost as a self-education for myself.

opening on Saturday morning and take

write into the night to have

these art pieces than

By

28,

I

Namson was

He

ready.

my

I

found

notes. it

I

On

much

would go Sunday

I

to a

would

easier to publish

fiction.

writing in art journals and was buying important

abstract expressionist paintings. this world.

it

did to publish

my

grew with

it

The

early

1950s were exciting years in

and was developing

as

an appreciator,

collec-

The and

tor,

critic of

the visual

arts.

Life of Paul

The

Namson, Novelist

collecting was probably the major

outlet for his creative needs at this time.

The

art criticism

seemed mere

"advertising copy," promoting his friends' work. This writing was a part of his life as a businessman than of his

The

were important

paintings, though,

him

volved

177

in

more

work

as a serious writer.

their

own

right

and

in-

complicated and interesting world. Business gave him

in a

the financial means to participate in this world. But business also involved

him

it

Namson

world of action and power, and

in a

over,

enjoyed

this.

More-

was what his family wanted for him. Once they could see him

established in business, his peripheral interest in the arts was not upset-

By

ting.

Dream

his late twenties, his early

dormant.

tively

He

of writing fiction was rela-

was barely connected, through

his art criticism, to

a writer's world. His view of himself as a creative writer

backdrop to the In creating a

toward Cyril and "high

life,"

first

adult

was

structure during his twenties, Paul

He and

to that glorious

was

like his

He

in the ascendancy.

and Zelda Fitzgerald. Art

father,

and that aspired to be

was moving toward the

to be. This was the life Sarah

closer during this time than they

The Age Thirty

moved

His creative writing withered.

life.

tured businessman and, in this way, becoming the

him

a

Sarah were drawn to the Manhattan

a romantic world like that of Scott

side of Paul that

Cyril,

life

his world.

became an appendage

The

was truncated,

rest of his life.

man

life

like

of the cul-

his family

wanted

wanted and could support. They were were to be in the years ahead.

Transition

At 28 Namson's relationships in the art world led him to an intense mentor relationship with Sheridan Fisher, a sculptor and a central figure in that world. Fisher came to represent the primacy of writing and the rejection of the business world. Through their relationship, the tension between these two sides of Namson re-emerged as the central issue in his life.

In the

autumn

of 1954, just after

Sheridan Fisher sculpture.

He

Namson

turned 28, he bought a

piece on Fisher's work, and was drawn into the small circle of people interested in him. Very few of Fisher's pieces had then been bought by collectors, so a mutual also

friend brought Fisher around to

with the

first

meeting.

was drawn to him

wrote a

meet Namson. Their friendship

Namson was drawn

as well.

critical

to Fisher

and

felt

started

that Fisher

That spring they found themselves having

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

178

dinner together as often as twice a week. Fisher was in psychoanalysis and

would

drive into

New York

from

He would

home.

his country

stay in

the city for two or three days and spend some of his evenings with

The

son.

friendship

became more

Nam-

intimate.

I was attracted to the idea of a man who had gone all the way and had somehow survived. I can only guess about what his feelings were toward me. Maybe I'd be safer talking about how I felt about him. I mean he did represent to me something like a heroic figure in the sense

Basically

in art

of the art hero. Art

a trackless waste; there are

is

signs for the kind of artist Fisher

He one

was extremely

He was

direct.

much more

feelings.

and there

no

are

thought mine was. There was

I

rather inarticulate, but

When

intellectual than

back. He'd say, "But what does

interest

rules

romantic identification with him.

own

about one's

talk

or to be

me

my part a

on

no

also represented a fantasy of a

more American background than

wilder and certainly

He

is.

I

am

I

it

he

insisted that

tended to digress into today, he

mean

art theory,

would keep pulling

to you, Paul?

Why

you? What's your commitment? What's your involvement?"

does I

it

mean

those were his favorite words, "commitment," "involvement" and so forth.

"How are you

involved?"

Fisher saw through Namson's compromises and pressed troubling questions. at

once?

How

How

could he lead a "schizophrenic

life"?

Paul had to face in

himself the conflict "between the excitement of the

New

York

scene and a growing desire to write as a full-time occupation."

mentor

discovery of a desire to

He

whom

commit himself

he wanted to

financial

With

the

join as a creative artist, the

to his writing took root again.

was fourteen years older than

I,

and

my

feeling toward

him was some-

toward a dream father or older brother, that kind of thing. Cer-

thing like

word "hero"

tainly the

romantic

him with

could he possibly be committed to two things

is

not an overstatement. For

figure, heroic figure. Typically,

we

together, we'd walk along the beach together, we'd

ber croquet games.

A

me he

was

didn't talk about art.

swim

a hero, a

We drank

together.

I

remem-

certain kind of roughhousing, trading punches, that

kind of playfulness and male camaraderie. But there was a side that was

and tender. It was one of the freest relationships I ever remember having with another man. And without wanting to make it sound queer, this punching and bear hugging, great admiration, great

very loving

affection,

The

I

guess there was something like love.

following summer, two weeks after Paul's

Fisher died suddenly of a heart attack.

The

It

funeral intensified his awareness of

to him.

was a

how

thirtieth

"terrible

birthday,

shock" for Paul.

important Fisher had been

The I

remember the shock

amazing experience whole

up

life

for

of feeling

me.

to that point

Life of Paul

how good

was to

it

went before

my

he stood

was a

I

After Fisher died,

a

Namson began

man

It

My

man and what

and

of elegance

to recast radically a novel

was entitled The Dealer.

who

taste

into conflict with an exuberant, arrogant

young woman, who

love with the painter.

Namson

and the

art dealer

own. Her story

Like her, Paul

is

felt after his

With

again.

ness—and an uncertainty

painter.

Between them and

mistress to the art dealer

own

is

half in

both of them and the

center for her

sort out.

The woman

art

life.

much

Paul's

has relationships

no occupational

painter, but she has

very

but disappeared, comes

all

leaves

he had

aging art

of these characters represented parts of

all

he was trying to

himself, parts

An

slowly destroying himself

is

young

tries to find a

recognized that

and growing

is

At the end she

world they represent, and

with the

an

just

child.

So maybe the word "love"

eyes.

because the world he once belonged to has

a beautiful

179

for.

written about the art world. dealer,

was

cry. It

hadn't really cried since

I

too strong. There was an intense attraction both to the

isn't

of her

Namson, Novelist

and

reflects his

own

identity search.

experience with Sheridan that he was alive

this feeling

as to

where

came a sense of wonder and happiit would lead.

During those two years Fisher's entry into

their "high life" disrupted

the "romantic relationship" Paul and Sarah had maintained through their twenties. life.

At the same time, Sarah

tried in

another way to change that

She had been wanting to have children, and Paul had not.

that the business and writing were as

children to his

life

much

as

He

felt

he could manage; adding

would swamp him. As they approached

need became so great that he agreed to have a

child.

When

30,

Sarah's

conception

did not occur, he again acceded to her wishes and they decided to adopt a child.

At 32, when he was rewriting the novel, they adopted an infant son and named him Sheridan Namson. "When Sheridan arrived, we pretty much made up our minds that we would have at least one more child, and space seemed a necessity." They bought an elegant twelve-room brownstone looking out on a garden. and the East River. They set about making it into a family dwelling. Sarah had a housekeeper-cook and an au pair girl to help with Sheridan. Paul had a writing room where he could isolate himself, "a solitary character in an unfurnished room."

During the Age Thirty Transition, two developments substantially altered the provisional life structure

vious period. to

move

The

Namson had

created during the pre-

relationship with his mentor, Sheridan Fisher, led

creative writing

more

to the fore in his

life.

He

him

was determined

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l8o

commit himself

to

Adopting for her

to

work

that solitary

Sheridan and buying a

little

These two changes, each

life.

room while Sarah busied

The

foundation of this

life

his

"unfurnished room."

if

a

new

focus

important to Paul and

critically

Sarah, tended to separate them. It was as

writing

in

new home gave Sarah

Paul isolated himself in his

herself with the

new

child

and home.

was the role of the cultured businessman,

on the boundary between the business and art worlds. Namson was businessman by day and a writer at night and on weekends. The con-

living

a

demands

flicting

of these pursuits were exhausting. Devoting himself to

these two parts of his

What

life,

he had

time and energy he had

in this structure

left

went to their "high

was enormous: "It was

my

Settling By 1959 33,

Down

life

new child. The tension

their

life."

fate always to

ach tied in knots." Nevertheless this was the

he began the Settling

and

to give Sarah

little

have

my

structure with

stom-

which

period.

Down

Cyril

Asch was

living part of the year in Florida,

and Paul,

at

was a vice-president and director of the company. was involved profoundly and increasingly

I

in business at increasingly

With Cyril away part of the year I was almost running the company. The choice of investments and the envisaging of their proper development was as much my responsibility as anyone's.

higher

levels.

In 1959 Asch anc*

Company was

still

a family-held

were planning to form a publicly held corporation. time.

company, but they It

was an exciting

chips were getting larger and larger." In roughly ten years

"The

the firm had grown from 7 or 8 people to 140, and from a net worth of $200,000 to $100 million. As one of the main officers, Paul was offered stock participations and he began an intense effort to

buy

as

many

shares

of stock as were offered to him.

was borrowing money to take these participations. I had been working for about eleven years now, and I had about $600,000 in debts and about $1,000 in the bank. But this tremendous potential ... At 33, I was very anxious to cash in some of these chips, but I It

was

up

seemed

still

a

like lunacy.

I

few steps from becoming a millionaire and

in the excitement of big-time

Wall

still

very

much caught

Street.

same time his involvement in the visual arts reached a new peak: he became chairman of the building committee for a major new museum of modern art. He was taking his place among the New During

this

The

Life of Paul

man

Yorkers so admired by his family: he was a ness with a

The

commitment

to the cultural

Paul and Sarah built around the

social life

structure together during these years.

life

and

parties,

ships with artists

and

others. This

"high

a "vast social network"

network enlarged

international scene in

summers

in

to include

and London. Their

Paris

was expanding.

life"

In the midst of

form to

Paul tried to maintain his writing

this activity

all

world, encapsulated in the small at giving

City.

helped hold their

arts

dancing until dawn and developing friend-

of art openings

Southampton and an

They had

181

of excellence in busi-

New York

of

life

Namson, Novelist

room

his "distilled fantasies."

self,

more than

first

ten years" gave way:

in the past,

bedroom. Here he worked

off their

He

did this by removing him-

from Sarah. The romantic marriage of "the

It seemed we were drifting apart. My situation in business was taking more and more of my time. And my interest in writing was becoming more and more serious. I was not only not seeing her during the day, I was probably a bit impatient at night. I wanted time to read and write.

At

34,

section."

he wrote "the

He worked on

to time portions of

this novel for

were published.

it

A

kind of diary,

of the

story of Currents

first

writing imaginative fiction from his

immediate,

alive.

The

reader

is

own

From time wound like a 42. In con-

of a sybaritic luxury he

knew

intimately.

hero, a businessman-poet with "a

The

story

he openly

is

loves

mental criticism of

funny-bitter. it

all;

it

The

hero

Through

is

himself and the

authentic,

this

and

theaters,

world dances his

so carefully about

reflective

it

It is

at last

writes of the world

restaurants

dream looped

a wish to leave

self-portrait, a description of

was that he was

Namson

and lurking behind

and

life.

inner experience.

captured as

Manhattan skyscrapers and boardrooms, of

neck."

opening

other major writing he did during this period, the Currents diary

The triumph

as

it

between 34 and

life

contained his joyous, celebratory feelings about

of

lyrical

the next several years.

bright thread through the fabric of his trast to

most

part of Currents, the

first

and removed, even

his celebration

behind. life

my

he was

is

a funda-

a remarkable

It is

leading. "Just

the waiter, quietly, you want more," he wrote.

tell

As Namson turned

34,

the adoption agency told them that their

re-

came a big They canceled the second adoption and This was the start of a momentous year. The

quest for another child would be granted. Soon after this surprise:

Sarah was pregnant.

eagerly awaited the birth. first

story in Currents

was published in a

event in his writing career, their

little

girl

little

magazine—a climactic

was born and he became a

a

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

182

millionaire.

It

could have

it

looked

and

business, family

By

as

gut

I

wasn't."

"On

He was

the surface

he

was successful. In

I

so plagued by "tremendous

that he drank and smoked marijuana more heavily

stomach tension" an attempt to

in

re-

Dream had grown. Asch and Company and write

Moreover, his need to realize the

lieve his distress.

full

if

What had seemed

had become oppressive.

life

to be a great integration soured.

my

as

be able to combine writing,

really

social life into a cohesive life structure.

however, this

35,

compromises had worked out,

his

if

Perhaps he would

all.

Namson desperately wanted to leave time. He longed for the autonomy he

could have as a writer but

would never get as long as he worked for Cyril. Sometime by the end I

wanted

what I

I

really

had made

He had

wanted the

all

to

I

needed to make this,

new way,

a writer.

With

notice of

me

was absolutely certain

I

made up my mind

finally

mark

his

Namson

make himself

in business, to

more

felt

a mil-

free to leave the business

at the center of his life.

a feeling buttressed by his

He

was committed

new

recognition as

the publication of his story in 1961, "I received a writer."

as

that

was to write, and certain because

life

needed.

and more able to put writing to writing in a

had

I

my

do with

money

Having done

lionaire.

of the '50s or the early '6os

to leave. Certain because

A

serious critic,

doing a survey of

some

literary

...

magazines, singled out his story as "one of the sizeable nuggets

a

softly sizzling portrait."

At the same time, he knew

that his

was beyond the understanding of ness to write betrayal of

commitment

his parents

and

becoming

would be viewed by Cyril and the others

them

a writer

as a

betrayal—

personally and of their values. His departure from Asch

and Company would not be amicable. In

Cyril's

thing Paul could do in his spare time.

He wanted

trusted

to

uncles. His leaving busi-

nephew and "crown

prince,"

who would

mind, writing was somePaul at his

side,

a

maintain and inherit the

family business. "Cyril can read Proust and appreciate him, but he can-

not understand

how

a

young man

in his

own

family could leave the

world to spend his time writing novels." In his anguish over this "gnawing conflict" Paul found help in an

unexpected quarter.

He

was invited to Boston where Timothy Leary was

studying hallucinogenic drugs. Paul volunteered as a subject. prise the experience his struggles.

conflict

I

But

He

between

made

could see more his values

and

the speech in 1962.

in those

months

before,

I

his sur-

gave him a detached view of

clearly,

he thought, the fundamental

Cyril's.

I

To

It

was quite helpful.

At

35,

he resolved to face Asch:

had thought about would get up and

it

from the day

stalk

I

started.

around and say to

The Sarah, "I

am

obligations

other

He

going to chscuss this with Cyril.

we

have, and then

I

—— I

wilt leave

all

I

will

183

complete whatever

and we

will

go to some

life."

told Cyril that

he would complete

two more

for nearly

years. "I

present obligations, but

all his

"Cyril kept adding obligations." These kept

pany

Namson, Novelist

Life of Paul

Namson

was never more

Asch and Com-

at

alert or efficient in

the years there." But he was taking drugs regularly, and his sleepless-

on the proportions of insomnia. His guilt over turning away from Cyril, knowing how important he was to him, was almost more ness took

than he could manage. His distress was reflected in his writing, where, as always, he struggled to

come

to grips with the turmoil inside himself.

He

began a novel about

his darker, despairing feelings regarding the business world.

The Bridge Game, was at his highest level. The

This novel,

attempt" to write a long work

game symbolizes the high-finance "games" like Namson, respects as games but has

bridge

which the hero,

of big business

no respect

his "first serious

for as a

life.

The

in a never-never land of

ences and parties.

He

hero

is

a professional bridge player

who

lives

high-powered bridge tournaments, drug experi-

lives

an empty, cynical

life,

and

dies in a senseless

accident at 29.

From

age 34 to 36 Paul worked steadily on Currents and The Bridge reflected mainly his love of the business world, the other

Game. The one his despair of

it.

This writing grew out of his ambivalent relationship

with this world and, ultimately, helped him to leave

37th birthday, Paul gathered himself together and

Just before his

made

It

the final break with Cyril.

It

When

it

was

last

we

like

finally

had

I

I

was

a

way

of

life

and

I've ever

done."

complete rejection of Cyril's values.

He

had become committed

values that was their did.

out

it

was the "hardest thing

walking out on the family.

twelve years

it.

felt

to a

that in the course of the

way of

their set of values.

life

And

and

a set of

for a while

I

don't think he realized what a serious involvement writing had

become.

They parted that

in a cloud of guilt

and acrimony.

When

he couldn't stop Paul from going, he turned away

have had almost no contact

Cyril realized in fury.

They

since.

Namson left Asch and Company in June 1963. The Namsons began summer on Cape Cod. Sheridan was six and Lucy was two. He wanted to complete The Bridge Game, the novel he had been working with a

on

for the previous

two

years.

This book reflected his disenchantment

with business, with drugs and with himself, and led back to Sheridan Fisher. It contained Fisher's experience of bitter weariness at the

end of

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

184 his

Namson understood

as

life,

it,

together with Paul's experience of

few years with

bitter weariness in his last

Cyril. In the novel the

uses drugs to sustain his pursuit of prizes despite his weariness

He

spair.

can't leave the competitive world

able to remain. Paul completed the

two

in a period of

When

years,

the

and yet he

book that summer.

last half in

finds

and de-

it

unbear-

"I did half of

was accepted for

it

three months."

New

York that September, The Bridge publication and Namson began work on another

they returned to

hero

Game novel,

Markers, which was to trace the history of his

life in

looked good at that time. Leaving Asch and

Company brought an end

to his "stomach tension."

He

business. Everything

experienced a gratifying burst of energy

hundred pages of new manuscript.

resulting in three

be able to establish himself

as a writer

That fall, however, he began to realize that the more time and effort than he had imagined. He

seemed he would

It

without great

difficulty.

transition

would take

learned, for example,

that the termination of his involvement in the business world could not

be accomplished

easily or quickly.

set

up

trusts for the children

takes time.

such

I

Although Namson was no longer work-

Company, he was

ing at Asch and

still

and gave quite

him

money

him

as

much

as

Gordon

"I

away. That

called." His

he had expected;

world of high finance and philanthropy.

in the

to various institutions, including the

affairs.

writers don't have,

and there were banks and stockbrokers who

as property,

kept

a bit of

had so many other things that most

fortune of about $5 million did not free it

involved in business

He

gave

Archives, where he

money became

a trustee.

During the ture of his

first

life

few years of trying to be a full-time

writer, the struc-

both changed and remained the same. Namson did

He

suc-

ceed in putting writing more at the center of his

life.

him of room and turned that

found that without a

tary to relieve

secretary

more life"

business concerns. "I took over Sarah's dressing into a secretary's office.

I

couldn't get anything done because of the

I

my

and on

time." Such efforts helped

him keep

limited, but they did little to reduce the

he and Sarah

He

was trying to

life"

demands

of the "high

to.

graft writing

But the old

onto their old conflicts

life

between

together, a life

writing, business

It

making

he

and

remained, in altered form. Moreover, he was struggling

with the pain of losing his place in the business world, and with the culty of

me

demands on

his financial activities

lived.

remained attached the "high

hired a secre-

diffi-

a place for himself in the writer's world.

was a profound shock

change was that

I

as well as a

was spending

profound change. The profound

my morning

energies,

my

best energies,

The doing exactly as

I

wanted.

The

Life of Paul

Namson, Novelist

biggest shock was the realization that

was doing was not useful from the point of view of

what

What

society.

185

I

I

had

done before, even with the ambivalence of being in the investment business, was very well regarded. I had been in a position where my days were a parade of people wanting things from me, which I had the power to give. was in a position of great power and great reward.

I

Now

suddenly

was working harder, although that

I

But four hours

world's point of view.

much

is

a

is debatable from the morning of concentrated writing

harder than eight hours in a business day.

out of yourself and

from the outside.

are dragging stuff

and with no help

mean, nothing comes

I

through the phone

You

a very intense kind of activity,

it's

—

to you through the mail or coming out of your past and unconscious and

it is all

so forth.

Writing was "a much more

solitary

kind of achievement," and he

wanted to prove to himself that he could "do

it

all

alone."

He

missed

the sense of achievement and the affirmation he had received in the business world.

He wanted

news to come Here

I

in, telling

him

that he was a writer.

am, working away

at these books.

As defined by American

erate.

for

it.

The

no longer

my

Suddenly

I

realize that this

worthy

exist. I lived in a

be validated only

effort.

it

was useless and there was no reward

much more profound than

activities just don't

But there was yet another

He would

society

sense of uselessness was

of money. Suddenly

itary

waited for the

not an activity the world recognizes, not a multi-million-dollar conglom-

is

I

He

a similar experience as a writer.

kind of void until the book was published. struggle,

if

which occurred

exist,

achievement" would have been made.

38. It

was

Game

at the

modest.

It

he would

exist,

And

did not?

if

was reviewed

in a

in the

it

and the

it

a

"sol-

in the fall of 1964, just after Paul turned

time he most needed affirmation.

came

after publication.

the world read the book and found

Then the product would

The Bridge Game came out at best

at the level

matter in the world. Suddenly

muted

The

affirmation was

voice, out of his past:

'The Bridge The New

Saturday Review of Literature and

York Times. But the best review was written by my old teacher Austin Garrison and published in his small magazine." Indeed, the reviews were bitterly disappointing.

His second published novel, and his most ambitious effort to date, thus gave ness, of

him

very

not existing.

little.

He

was

left

with the awful sense of useless-

What

he began in June 1963 with such high hopes was not working well eighteen months later. At

and

serious intentions

this

point he had been hard at work on Markers for a year, and the writ-

ing was going well.

He

was able to sustain the hope that he would sue-

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l86

The Bridge Game. He

ceed with Markers, despite the lack of success of

was disappointed but not defeated.

Namson began

searching for an undertaking that would give

sense of usefulness and at the

He

New

decided to leave

him

to write

more

There was It

same time

York. Leaving the "high

sprang up in the years

when

I

been a buildup over these years of

New

York, and

energy on parties.

me

it

mean

I

ing.

You can go through

He

thought of teaching

New

in

while

might enable

York, and distraction.

was

I

art criti-

There had

in business.

art reviewing, of a really hectic, art-social

seemed

just

the fact

to

me we

that

is

you're drinking heavily and so forth,

New

life"

was most involved with writing

cism, which was an easy thing for

life in

were spending too

isn't that easy to write in

it

the morn-

really write.

would get him away from what seemed eminently useful work.

as a possibility. It

in

His job explorations led him back to Brown and Austin Garrison,

him

tive

appointment

a one-year

much

you go out every night and

if

day hungover, but you can't

a business

York while involving him

offered

a

productively.

mounting sense of pressure

a

him

the writing of Markers.

facilitate

as

an

who

assistant professor in the Crea-

Writing Department. It

seemed exactly what we wanted. There was something appealing, a I had a very definite idea of what I thought might be use-

nostalgic value.

ful to students of creative writing.

felt

I

I

had

a

few things to show the

academy.

Paul began his search for a teaching position in January 1965 in the

wake

of the publication of

Brown

The Bridge Game. He began

in the fall of 1966, a year

and a half

later.

teaching at

During the interim

work on Markers. This was his "major effort"— an attempt to write a book beyond anything he had yet done, and a demonstration to himself and the world that his previous failure could be over-

he continued

He

come.

his

completed

it

in the spring of 1966, a

few months before turn-

ing 40.

Markers was accepted immediately by the publisher. But they offered

me

had gotten $2500 as an advance for The Bridge Game and it seemed to me this book was a step forward and more ambitious. It was also the most autobiographical book I'd done. I felt an advance that

in

some way

buying

me

I

I

felt

was being asked to

in that sense,

His publisher had

them

was insulting.

let

as a serious writer.

and

I

I

sell

myself too cheap.

just couldn't let

it

I

felt

they were

go for that.

him down. He had wanted to be treated by They did not refuse him encouragement, but

The they offered mation,

it

it

He

was not enough.

This was

his

it,

and

He went

was

prise

major

his

my

he

that

summer

to the Cape.

At the

discouraged and in need of isolation.

felt

effort to establish himself as a writer of serious

and he had not been

fiction,

"outraged and disgusted." "I asked

second major defeat, and in our view the "culminating

his fortieth birthday,

He had made

felt

affir-

never have submitted that novel again."

I

event" of his early adulthood.

time of

187

For Paul, who desperately needed

in small measure.

agent to withdraw

Namson, Novelist

Life of Paul

whole writing

affirmed. Indeed, the

enter-

he had broken out of

in serious question just three years after

the executive world to pursue his Dream.

Namson's

life

structure during the

first five

years of the Settling

Down

from age 32 until 37, was relatively stable. Writing was a small component, an appendage to his life as a cultured Manhattan business-

period,

man. As we have

He

and the business world. values

had

and not the

for

was shot through with

seen, however, this structure

irreconcilable conflicts.

he must break away from Cyril

realized that

was imperative to build

It

family's; to

him; to speak out

pursue his

clearly

and

his life

Dream and not own voice.

business to the periphery of his

center. In taking this step

that the world

would

own

the dream Cyril

in his

At 37, he broke with the man who had been ther, mentor and boss, and plunged into writing

move

about his

life

a

combined time.

full

structure

uncle, fa-

He

tried to

and writing to the

he was betting that he could become a

affirm his writing

work

as

had

it

writer,

his business work.

He

was trying to become his own man. By his fortieth birthday he had completed two novels. Neither brought him the affirmation and the sense of usefulness that were so important to him. In

this sense his

gamble had

failed.

What

could he reasonably ex-

now? What modification of his Dream would make it more consonant with his talent? To keep faith with the Dream, Namson would have to create a life

pect of himself

structure giving stronger support to the writing.

lem

in planning the

Brown

year.

His present

space to business concerns and the "high

life

He

addressed this prob-

structure gave too

life"; it

much

could not provide ade-

A radical change would have to be made. At the same time, Namson was beginning to realize that the business world had served valuable functions for him. He needed to keep some quate space for his writing.

parts of

it,

things that

or to have something equivalent in his

had excited him

side his writing

room was

there.

life.

Some involvement

He

missed

in the

many

world out-

necessary to nourish and sustain his writing.

Although he needed a "bare room"

in

which to

write,

he

also

needed

a

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

l88

"fussy

room"

to provide the experiences out of

tion. Earlier, business

could see that his art. It

it

which he crafted

had seemed an overwhelming

had

also

been an

distraction.

was the nexus from which he had created The Bridge

jective fantasy as

I

could."

Where would

felt I

had done

his material

fic-

he

nourishment for

essential source of

and Markers. Having completed them, "I

his

Now

as

Game

much

sub-

come from now?

His beginning awareness of this problem influenced his decision to seek

an academic position. had,

it

At

If

the academic world stimulated

might provide new 40, therefore, Paul

Namson

entered a

new

of

moving from

follow his

however, as a

life

early to

its

life.

He

his life structure,

middle adulthood. In Chapter

through the Mid-life Transition and

we must have

as business

period of his

was faced with the task of reappraising and modifying

and

him

material for his fiction.

18,

we

shall

aftermath. First,

a look at the character of the Mid-life Transition

developmental period.

The

Mid-life Transition

and Entering Middle Adulthood

m The

The

Transition

mark the culmination of

late thirties

man

forty a

early adulthood.

Own Man.

set himself in

the enterprise of Becoming

Success here means that the enterprise has flourished:

he has achieved the desired position on ber of that world with

man

he has been affirmed becoming a senior mem-

his 'ladder";

within his occupational and social world; he

Often a

At around

can make some judgment regarding his relative success or

meeting the goals he

failure in

One's

Mid-life

is

the rewards and responsibilities seniority brings.

all

mind

looks forward to a key event that in his

carries

the ultimate message of his affirmation by society. This "culminating event" takes on a magical quality in his private fantasy. right way,

happy

he

know

that he has truly succeeded

and

poor outcome, on the other hand,

will

will

A

future.

If is

it

goes the

assured of a

mean

that

he

has failed in a profound sense, that not only his work but he as a person

has been found wanting and without value.

When

a

man

experiences a developmental

in the late thirties,

crisis

stems from the overwhelming feeling that he cannot accomplish the

it

tasks of

Own Man:

Becoming One's

he cannot advance

sufficiently

on

his

chosen ladder; cannot gain the affirmation, independence and senior-

ity

he wants; cannot be

his

own man

in the terms defined

by

his current

life structure.

Whatever the degree

whether he

advancing brilliantly or in the depths of crisis— as long

a

man

is

is

of his success or failure— no matter

from the period of Becoming One's

At around ordinarily has fifteen

as

concerned primarily with these questions he has not yet emerged

men

40, a its

new

Own Man.

period gets under way.

onset at age 40 or 41 and

in our

sample

who completed

lasts

The

Mid-life Transition

about

five years.

For the

this period, the average age at

We

doubt that a true Midtermination was 45.5, the range 44 to 47. Transition can begin before age 38 or after 43.

life

The

Mid-life Transition

dle adulthood. past •

As

and prepare

One

task

is

is

a bridge

in all transitions, a

for the future.

between

early

adulthood and mid-

man must come

Three major

tasks

must be worked on.

to terminate the era of early adulthood.

his life in this era

to terms with the

He

and reappraise what he has done with

it.

has to review

THE SEASONS OF A

192

•

A

second task

is

MAN S

to take his

adulthood. Although he

first

steps toward the initiation of

not yet ready to

is

start

new

building a

middle

life struc-

he can begin to modify the negative elements of the present

ture,

and to

ture •

LIFE

A

test

third task

division in his

new is

life.

struc-

choices.

to deal with the polarities that are sources of

deep

Let us consider the three tasks in turn.

Reappraising the Past The is

focus in the Mid-life Transition

initial

on the

is

to reappraise the life structure of the Settling

past.

The major

Down

task

period, within

the broader perspective of early adulthood as a whole and even of pre-

adulthood.

A

future. His

need to reconsider the past

man's review of the past goes on

in the

arises in part

shadow

of the

from a heightened

awareness of his mortality and a desire to use the remaining time more

and future

wisely. Past

the

life

for granted. It life?

he

suffers

from the

doubt that they can be joined.

corrosive

Now

coexist in the present, but

What

do

structure itself

comes into question and cannot be taken

becomes important to I

really get

ask:

What my

from and give to

have

done with

I

my

wife, children, friends,

work, community— and self? What is it I truly want for myself and others? What are my central values and how are they reflected in my life? What are my greatest talents and how am I using (or wasting) them? What have I done with my early Dream and what do I want with it now? Can I live in a way that combines my current desires, values and talents? How satisfactory is my present life structure— how suitable for the self, how viable in the

world— and how

shall

change

I

it

to provide a better basis

for the future?

As he attempts

to reappraise his

has been based on illusions, and he

ment. By

this expression

I

that long-held assumptions

mean and

life, is

a

throughout the

about

self

It

is

On

how much

it

and world are not

true.

illusions play so vital a role

life cycle.

The profound human ambivalence toward everyday language.

discovers

a reduction of illusions, a recognition

beliefs

This process merits special attention because in our lives

man

faced with the task of de-illusion-

illusion

is

reflected in our

the one hand, illusion has a negative connotation.

associated with magic, sleight of hand, enchantment, errors of per-

ception and belief. In a culture highly committed to science, technology

and

rationality, illusion

gerous.

The word

is

itself

generally regarded as inappropriate or even danderives

from the Latin ludere, to

play.

While

The

Mid-life Transition

193

playful illusions can be accepted as part of the imaginative world of child-

hood, an adult

The

expected to be more

is

loss of illusions

On

is

realistic, practical,

down

to earth.

thus a desirable and normal result of maturity.

the other hand, our culture recognizes that illusions have their

value even in adult

enjoy magic as a

and that giving them up

life

game

of illusion.

refer to a painful process

in anything."

This

it is is

to

To be

become

We

often painful.

is

use the term "disillusionment" to

through which a person

cherished beliefs and values. lost one's illusions;

We

disillusioned

is

stripped of his most

is

not merely to have

cynical, estranged,

one possible outcome of the

"unable to believe

but

loss of illusions,

not the only one.

To

identify the broader process

Transition,

I

which

is

so important in the Mid-life

use the term "de-illusionment."

The

process of losing or

reducing illusions involves diverse feelings— disappointment,

wonder, freedom— and has diverse outcomes.

bitterness, grief, feel bereft

may

and have the experience of

also feel liberated, free to develop

others in a

more genuine,

Illusions can

of great nobility

less idealizing

flexible values

is

most persons during

now

and

also inspire

all illusions in

works

a crucial, helpful

early adulthood.

appropriate and beneficial, but

possible nor desirable to overcome

He

to admire

way.

and accomplishment. They play

reduction in illusions

relief,

suffering an irreparable loss.

more

be tremendously harmful; but they can

hurtful part in the lives of

joy,

A man may

it

is

and

Some

neither

the Mid-life Transition

or even by the end of middle adulthood. Illusion continues to have

place— a mixed

way

best is

blessing, or a

to avoid illusions

mixed curse— all through the

is

hardly a prescription for a

bilities

and

ground

A man

reality, if

and

ideologies, so that

self

and

early

And

that

full life.

fertile

even in the face of

The

not to want anything very much.

drives are at their peak.

Early adulthood provides a

its

life cycle.

need

be— and

for illusions. Individual capa-

must "believe

in"

he can shape a course toward a better

others, according to his lights.

himself—

in significant persons, groups life for

him-

"Good enough" development

in

adulthood means that he has aspirations, makes commitments to

persons and enterprises, and strives with

toward valued

some enthusiasm and

discipline

goals.

Modifying the Life Structure As the Mid-life Transition proceeds, the emphasis gradually shifts from past to future. A man must make choices that will modify the existing

THE SEASONS OF A

194

structure

life

MAN S

LIFE

and provide the central elements

new

for a

He must

one.

begin planning for the next phase. As he makes a commitment to these

upon a new pattern of existence, the transition new period— Entering Middle Adulthood— begins.

choices and embarks

over and a

Some men make

is

significant changes in the external aspects of the life

structure during the Mid-life Transition.

The more

drastic changes in-

volve divorce, remarriage, major shifts in occupation and

life style,

marked

decline in level of functioning, notable progress in creativity or in upward social mobility.

Other men make fewer and

They tend

changes.

less visible external

same mar-

to "stay put" during the Mid-life Transition, remaining in the

and family, the same surroundings, occupation and even work

riage If

we look more

however,

closely,

obvious changes have occurred.

A

we

man's marital relationship

for better or worse. His children are growing

new

up and family

place.

though

find that important

is

less

different,

life is

taking

become more dependent, and as son and family member. the character of his work has been

forms. His parents have died or have

this has considerable

Even

if

he

is

in the

impact upon his role

same work

place,

altered as a result of changes in technology, in organizational structure

or in him. Seemingly small promotions or demotions have greatly affected his

work

activities, his position in

the work world, and the personal mean-

ing of work for him. Finally, he has been influenced by changes in the

movements

nation and the world, such as war, depression and social kinds.

These changes

affect

of

all

everyone in some way, but the effects are me-

diated by a man's age and period of development.

The

Mid-life Transition also brings significant changes in the internal

aspects of a man's issues that

life

structure.

have special urgency

He

in social outlook, in personal values, in in

what he wants

to

be

works on various developmental

at mid-life.

for himself.

He may

change appreciably

what he wants

The

to give the world,

conscious and openly expressed, or subtle and hidden.

out in dramatic external changes. Even fabric of his life without grossly altering

if it,

may be highly They may come

inner changes

the changes merely color the

they give

it

a substantially dif-

ferent meaning.

A

primary task of the Mid-life Transition

ture of the thirties

and

to middle adulthood. as

The

final test of

in all transition periods,

emerging from

it.

is

to create the basis for a

is

to modify the

new

the developmental work done here,

the satisfactoriness of the

Whatever the nature

and however modest or profound the

life struc-

structure appropriate

life

of the developmental

structure

work done,

structural changes wrought, the in-

dividual's life in the mid-forties will differ in crucial respects

from that

The In Chapter 16

in the late thirties.

we

The

examine more

shall

changes occurring in various elements of the

Mid-life Transition

195

closely the

life structure.

Individuation Process

Throughout the

life

cycle,

but especially

in the

key transition periods

and the Mid-life Transition, the developmental process of individuation is going on. This term refers to the changes in a person's relationship to himself and to the external world. The infant,

such as infancy, pubescence

leaving his mother's

He must

womb, must

gain

decide where he stops

some

idea of his separate existence.

and where the world begins.

separate himself from his mother, yet maintain a tie to her.

form a sense of

him

"reality" that allows

He must He must

to accept his surroundings as

having an independent existence not necessarily subject to his control.

The

child's

and

friends;

world gradually expands to include his family, neighborhood

and

becomes more complex through

his self

his relationships

with other persons and institutions.

These changes

are part of the individuation process. In successive pe-

riods of development, as this process goes on, the person forms a clearer self and world. He forms a stronger sense of who he and what he wants, and a more realistic, sophisticated view of the world: what it is like, what it offers him and demands from him. Greater individuation allows him to be more separate from the world, to be more

boundary between is

independent and self-generating. But

it

also gives

and understanding to have more intense attachments

more

feel

fully a part of

initiation: the termination of

tion of a

new

it

as

I

have

an existing

said,

existing life structure. This

would perhaps be impossible

neously playing a

role.

world and to

life

involves termination

structure

one. In order to accomplish this, a person

and modify the job;

in the

it.

Every developmental transition,

and

him the confidence

if

is

and the

a challenging

and

and

difficult

individuation were not simulta-

In a transition period, individuation

lying process that links termination

initia-

must reappraise

is

initiation. It prepares

the under-

the inner

ground, laying an internal basis on which the past can be partially given

up and the future begun. In the Early Adult Transition, a boy-man begins his novitiate in the adult world and takes an important step in the individuation process.

must loosen

his ties to the pre-adult

ing in large part on

how

world and the pre-adult

self.

He

Depend-

well individuation goes at this time, he forms a

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

196

valued adult identity and becomes capable of living with a greater degree of

autonomy.

competence

At

He

has

more

and others and gains

responsibility for himself

in his various social roles.

man

however, a

best,

adolescence. His pre-adult

in his mid-twenties

with

self,

its

ties

but a step beyond

is

and the pre-adult

to parents

world, operates with great force throughout early adulthood. Although

some developmental gains may be made in the Age Thirty Transition, he will not be much more individuated in the late thirties than he was at 25. After the Early Adult Transition, the next great opportunity for develop-

mental work on individuation

man must modify

is

the Mid-life Transition. In this period, a

the early adult

self

(including, as

does, the baggage

it

from childhood and adolescence) and the

of unresolved problems

structure of the late thirties. Greater individuation

needed

is

if

he

life

is

to

more appropriate for middle adulthood. What are the most significant changes to be made in mid-life individuation? Most investigators emphasize a single facet of the process.

form a

life

structure

Erikson gives primary emphasis to Generativity

vs.

Stagnation as a stage of

ego development in the middle years. According to Jaques, the central issue at mid-life

is

coming

to terms with one's

own

inevitable

man must own death is

mortality: a

now, more deeply than was possible before, that

learn

his

and that he and others are capable of great destructiveness. In

her biographical study of Goya, Martha Wolfenstein proposes that the

working of destructiveness was the basic process in

re-

his transformation, dur-

ing his forties, from an excellent court painter to an artist able to deal with

the universals of mid-life

change

human as

a

Neugarten

tragedy. Bernice

growing "interiority"

:

identifies the basic

turning inward to the

self,

decreasing the emphasis on assertiveness and mastery of the environ-

ment, enjoying the process of living more than the attainment of

specific

goals.

Jung half of

new

first

life,

proposed the distinction between the

effort at individuation begins at mid-life

remaining years. Unlike his

first

with the years around forty as the meridian.

many

later writers

complex understanding of

its

and the second

He showed

that a

and continues through the

who adopted

his

term but not

meaning, he distinguished many facets

of the individuation process.

somewhere between the single-factor emphasis of some investigators and the tremendously complex approach of Jung, we shall discuss four tasks of mid-life individuation. For a given individual some of these may be more problematic or more conspicuous than others, but all of them are present and all must be considered in a general understanding of adult development. Each task requires a man to confront and Steering a course

reintegrate a polarity— that

is,

a pair of tendencies or states that are usually

The experienced as polar opposites, as

if

a person

Mid-life Transition

197

must be one or the other and

cannot be both. As he becomes more individuated in middle adulthood, a man partially overcomes the divisions and integrates the polarities.

Four Tasks of Mid-life Individuation The

whose resolution is the principal task of mid-life indiYoung/Old; viduation are: (1) (2) Destruction/Creation; (3) Masculine/ Feminine; and (4) Attachment/ Separateness. Each of these pairs forms a polarity in the sense that the two terms four polarities

represent opposing tendencies or conditions. Superficially, that a person has to be one or the other

would appear

it

and cannot be both. In

actuality,

however, the paired tendencies are not mutually exclusive. Both sides of each polarity coexist within every

many

self.

At

but he also has a sense of being

respects,

man feels young in He feels older than

mid-life a old.

the youth, but not ready to join the generation defined as "middle-aged."

He

young, old and "in-between." His developmental task

feels alternately

make sense of this condition of in-between and to become Young/ new way, different from that of early adulthood. The Destruction/Creation polarity presents similar problems of conflict and reintegration. The Mid-life Transition activates a man's concerns with death and destruction. He experiences more fully his own mortality and the actual or impending death of others. He becomes more aware of is

to

Old

in a

the

many ways

in

which other persons, even

destructively toward

What

is

him (with malice

his loved ones,

or, often,

have acted

with good intentions).

perhaps worse, he realizes that he has done irrevocably hurtful

things to his parents, lovers, wife, children, friends, rivals

what may

have been the worst or the best of intentions )

he has a strong

desire to

become more

.

(again, with

At the same time,

creative: to create products that

have value for himself and others, to participate in collective enterprises that advance

human

welfare, to contribute

erations in society. In

middle adulthood a

more

man

fully to the

coming gen-

come

know, more

can

to

than ever before, that powerful forces of destructiveness and of creativity coexist in the

human soul— in my soul!—and

can integrate them in

new

ways. Likewise, every

man

at mid-life

must come more

fully to

coexistence of masculine and feminine parts of the

self.

terms with the

And he must

integrate his powerful need for attachment to others with his antithetical

but equally important need for separateness.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

198

All of these polarities exist during the entire

be

fully resolved or transcended,

life cycle.

They can never

though some Utopian thinkers have held

out this promise and some great religious prophets have been seen by

(though

others

by themselves)

rarely

having done

as

so.

They

are not

but they operate here with special force.

specific to the Mid-life Transition,

Every developmental transition presents the opportunity and the neces-

moving toward a new integration of each polarity. To the extent man does this, he creates a firmer basis for his life in the ensuing phase. To the extent that he fails, he forms inner contradictions that will be reflected in the flaws of his next life structure. It is human both to sity of

that a

succeed and to reach

new

fail

even

in these tasks:

integrations,

we

as

we

resolve old conflicts

also create the contradictions that will in

and time

stimulate further change and development.

The

individuation process and the integration of polarities are

mately internal and must be carried out within the person. emphasize, however, that a polarity of a man's

life.

The opposing

is

I

not solely an inner matter.

tendencies exist both within the

ulti-

want It is

self

to

part

and

in

the external world. As individuation progresses, a person not only becomes internally tive

more

differentiated

and complex; he

also develops

more

effec-

boundaries that link him to the external world and enable him to

transact with

it

more

fully.

Moreover, the factors that influence

The

deals with a polarity are external as well as internal.

and old or

of masculine

and feminine occurs

man's struggles to reintegrate a polarity only within the context of his

life

The

social

if

We can

we

polarities will

understand a

place these struggles

and take account of both

Developmental work on the four Chapters 14 and

young

and

in our culture

institutions as well as in each individual personality.

how he

splitting of

self

and world.

be discussed further

in

15.

Mid-life Transition as Developmental Crisis

Some men do

very

little

questioning or searching during the Mid-life

Transition. Their lives in this period tinuity.

They

show

are apparently untroubled

meaning, value and direction of their

a

by

lives.

good deal of

difficult

stability

and con-

questions regarding the

They may be working on such become evident in later

questions unconsciously, with results that will

periods. If not, they will pay the price in a later developmental crisis or in

a progressive withering of the self to the

self.

and

a life structure

minimally connected

The Other men

in their early forties are

know

changes, and

aware of going through important

come

to understand the nature of these changes, to

to terms with the griefs

and

They

a highly painful one.

and to make use of the

losses,

growing and enriching their

a

199

that the character of their lives will be appreciably dif-

They attempt

ferent.

Mid-life Transition

possibilities for

For them, however, the process

lives.

is

not

manageable transition rather than

are in a

in

crisis.

But

men—about

for the great majority of

tumultuous struggles within the

this period evokes

ternal world. Their Mid-life Transition crisis.

Every aspect of their

by much that

fied

selves

and

new path

others.

and with the

They

ex-

moderate or severe

comes into question, and they are

lives

revealed.

is

self

a time of

is

horri-

are full of recriminations against them-

They cannot go on

as before,

but need time to choose a

or modify the old one.

Because a regard

80 percent of our subjects—

him

man

in this crisis

often

is

somewhat

may The man him-

irrational, others

"upset" or "sick." In most cases, he

as

is

not.

and those who care about him should recognize that he is in a normal developmental period and is working on normal mid-life tasks. The desire to question and modify his life stems from the most healthy part of the self

The doubting and searching question is how best to make use

self.

by the

are appropriate to this period; the real

of them.

The problem

fact that the process of reappraisal activates

is

compounded

unconscious conflicts—

the unconscious baggage carried forward from hard times in the past

which hinders the improve one's

life

logical anxiety

They make

A

pathology

but in the obstacles to pursuing

and

earlier years, that

The

effort to change.

guilt,

keep a

it difficult

for

is

not in the desire to

this aim. It

the patho-

is

the dependencies, animosities and vanities of

man from him

profound reappraisal of

to

examining the

real issues at mid-life.

modify an oppressive

this

life structure.

kind cannot be a cool, intellectual

must involve emotional turmoil, despair, the sense of not knowing where to turn or of being stagnant and unable to move at all. A man in this state often makes false starts. He tentatively tests a variety of new

process. It

choices, not only out of confusion or impulsiveness but, equally, out of a

need to explore, to see what in

is

The

interests

life

it

to engage

challenges the illusions

existing structure

structure of the thirties was initiated

ful forces in

make

on which the

its feels

occupation or solitary pursuit. Every

genuine reappraisal must be agonizing, because

and vested

how

possible, to find out

a particular love relationship,

is

and

based. stabilized

by power-

the person and his environment. These forces continue to

their claim for preserving the status quo.

radical critique of his life at

40

will

be up

A man who

attempts a

against the parts of himself that

THE SEASONS OF A

200

MAN S

LIFE

He

have a strong investment in the present structure.

by other persons and institutions— his

conformity— that seek to maintain order and prevent change. With

social

he

will also receive

support from himself and from others for the

examine and improve

effort to

Why

do we go through

his

life.

stemming from the

Why

this painful process?

often be our lot at mid-life? In Chapter 2 culty

be opposed

which he works, the implicit web of

leagues, the occupational system in

luck,

will often

wife, children, boss, parents, col-

I

between

era shift

should a

crisis

noted several sources of early

so

diffi-

and middle adulthood.

Moreover, we need developmental transitions in adulthood partly because

no

structure can permit the living out of

life

create a life structure

choice

I

its

try over a

I

reject

many

the

life

and

Committing myself

my

life

within

tolerate the costs

it,

it

To

self.

making a to a

to realize entails.

structure necessarily gives high priority to certain aspects of

and neglects or minimizes other

self

Down

Settling

aspects of the

set priorities. In

others.

span of time to enhance

potential, to bear the responsibilities

Every

all

must make choices and

one option and

select

structure,

I

aspects. This

structure of the thirties as of

all

is

as true of the

others. In the Mid-life

Transition these neglected parts of the self urgently seek expression.

man

experiences

them

as "other voices in other

rooms"

(in

A

Truman Ca-

pote's evocative phrase). Internal voices that have

been muted for years

now clamor

vague whispering, the

to

be heard. At times they are heard

as a

content unclear but the tone indicating grief over lost opportunities, outrage over betrayal by others, or guilt over betrayal

times they stating

come through

as a

names and times and

done to

right the balance.

thunderous places

A man

roar,

by

oneself.

the content

all

At other too

clear,

and demanding that something be

hears the voice of an identity prema-

turely rejected; of a love lost or not pursued; of a valued interest or rela-

up

tionship given internal figure

in acquiescence to parental or other authority; of

who wants

to

be an athlete or nomad or

artist,

an

to marry for

love or remain a bachelor, to get rich or enter the clergy or live a sensual

become what he now is. Durmust learn to listen more attentively to and decide consciously what part he will give them in his life.

carefree life— possibilities set aside earlier to

ing the Mid-life Transition he

these voices

Sequences Through the Mid-life Transition In Chapter 10

Down

we

period: (A)

distinguished several sequences through the Settling

Advancement within

ous failure or decline within a stable

a stable life structure; (B) Seri-

life structure;

(C) Breaking out:

The trying for a

change

new

structure;

life

(D) Advancement which

(E) Unstable

in life structure;

life structure.

itself

A

Down period influences the way upon the Mid-life Transition and works on its

which he em-

through the Settling

in

tasks.

ways

men

life

in each of the five sequences

produces a

man's sequence

barks

overview of the various forms of the

201

Mid-life Transition

To

get an

course, let us briefly look at the

moved from

Settling

Down

through

the Mid-life Transition.

Sequence A. Advancement Within a Stable Life Structure

The twenty-two men

exemplifying this sequence had achieved moderate

Down, according to the terms of on page 152). They had "come their and during thirties had moved from junior to senior long way" a positions in their worlds. Still, as the phase of Becoming One's Own Man or notable success by the end of Settling

their particular enterprises (see the table

draws to a close the struggle

is

often acute.

mark the outcome

ing event that will

A man

is

awaiting a culminat-

Down

of his efforts in the Settling

period.

The

Man

culminating event

and the

start of

we must

cance, however,

In

ess.

some

a marker for the

end of Becoming One's

place

it

To

understand

its

Own

signifi-

within the ongoing developmental proc-

cases this event served to precipitate the Mid-life Transition

with great force, as Transition

is

the Mid-life Transition.

is

it

did with the biologist John Barnes, whose Mid-life

described in Chapter 17. In other cases, such as Jim Tracy

Chapter 19), this event occurred after the Mid-life Transition had begun to take shape. A man's reaction to the culminating event is heavily (see

influenced by

when

it

occurs in the transitional process.

Occasionally the culminating event

and

in the

is

a great success both externally

man's private experience. This was rare in our sample.

great majority of

men

The outcome was a total disaster,

good enough so that

usually

and

The

experienced this event as a failure or a flawed success.

in the eyes of others

in certain crucial respects

it

it

was blemished,

it

could not be considered

was often quite favorable. But it

did not sustain

all

the special

hopes he had had in mind.

We can better elucidate the main of entry into the Mid-life Transition

themes and variations on

this

mode

by considering the four occupational

groups in turn.

•

the novelists.

A man who

thirties as a serious novelist

novel.

is

As he comes to the end

has

won

a place for himself during his

no longer content merely to write another Becoming One's Own Man, he wants the

of

a

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

202

LIFE

next novel to be special: to win the Pulitzer Prize, to be acclaimed by the

mark him as the best contemporary comedy or whatever) and a

or general public, to

critics

of his genre (classical novel, mystery,

The outcome

successor to the earlier giants. It rarely works out this way. is

below the man's fondest hopes. Even

usually well

he

received,

promise.

He may

established writers, but he

What

subjectively not

terrifying

really there. All right,

do well

not enough. His original for posterity?

is

evoke a man's worst

or— the most

writer of books that

ful-

hardly unique.

is

likely to

is

realize his potential,

was never

well

is

take his place within the ranks of the

qualified success at this time

gross failure. It

tial

this novel

regarded as "good" but not "great," as not yet having

is

filled his early

A

if

writer fitting

in the

Dream was

much

will never

thought of all— that the poten-

he has proven himself commercial or to

better than a

he

fears: that

as a

competent

That

critical arena.

be much more.

What

place will he have in the history of the novel?

is

he leave

will

Whereas

earlier his main aim was to establish himself as a novelist, he now has a more formed identity and is concerned with the value of his "body of

work"

•

as a

whole.

the executives. Like the

novelist, the executive in

Sequence

A

ad-

vances during his thirties toward a marker event of special significance—

key promotion, a better job in a new company or some other change cating that he has

"made

it."

To

works out favorably, the executive completes his Settling is

launched into a new occupational and

For a few executives

most

who

it

was a

this

indi-

the extent that this culminating event

Down

ladder and

social world.

event had a highly favorable outcome, but for

For every executive

failure or a flawed success.

at

about 40

and the affirmation he has been seeking, there are perhaps twenty who get little or nothing. (The failure results partly from indigains the prize

incompetence,

vidual

partly

from organizational power

struggles

and

mainly from the pyramidal structure of management.) If

a

man

success; the

had anticipated and life. If

he

he must deal with the bittersweet consequences of

succeeds,

world he enters

fails in

little

themselves:

what does world

I

and how

hope

To what

it

likely to differ

certain crucial respects,

implications of the failure.

point has

is

enormously from anything he

to raise fundamental questions about himself

A man who

for further

me

as a

I

he must come to terms with the

is

stopped or slowed

down

at this

failed?

What

does the failure

mean—

person and about the occupational-social

have been so involved in? feasible are they?

his

advancement. Nagging questions present

extent have

say about

and

What

alternative options interest

me

The

Many

Mid-life Transition

203

work

situa-

executives remain stuck for several years in a painful

tion—feeling humiliated, knowing they have no future there, doing work of

no importance to themselves or the company— until

finally,

through

some combination of inner readiness and external pressure, they are able Chapter 19). Those who more quickly will spend several years exploring various possibilities, and working on the developmental tasks of the Mid-life Transition, before they can start building a new structure and restabilizing their lives in the to leave. This was the case with Jim Tracy (see

leave

next period.

the biologists. Those we studied had faculty universities and had been identified by their early •

young plify

scientists.

positions in first-rate thirties as

promising

Five of the ten continued their career advance and exem-

Sequence A. By 40, they had achieved some degree of national recogand were members of the scientific establishment in

nition as scholars

their special fields. at age 39 to 41,

Yet

for all five the entry into the Mid-life Transition,

was marked not only by a well-deserved sense of success

but also by severe disappointment and in some cases despair.

They had indeed reached the top rung

Now

the question was:

Where do

I

Down

of the Settling

go from here?

It

ladder.

was no longer a

matter of climbing a well-marked ladder by performing in well-defined

The rules had become more complex and the stakes had grown. A man now had to demonstrate his real creativity and develop significant ideas at the forefront of his field. And he had to do this at a time of stock

ways.

taking, just

when he could

tions of his previous work,

was running

creativity

see

period ways.

men

but

all

afraid that the well of

continued to work produc-

devoted a good deal of time and

the developmental tasks of the Mid-life Transition. And, as this

came

The

and inner •

than ever before the limita-

clearly

dry. All of these

tively for the next several years, effort to

more

and when he was most

to an end, their careers

biologist

despair, as

John Barnes

we

shall see in

is

and

lives

had changed

in

Chapter

the workers. Only the most limited

17.

possibilities of

continuing occu-

pational advancement are available to the worker after 40.

shape of his occupation in the company thirties.

After that he

may

important

a classic example of external success

is

The

general

well established by his mid-

gain in seniority or in small advantages, but he

has almost no prospects for major advance or for creative fulfillment in

the job. At the same time, life

we found more

diversity in

work

history

and

in

course than most images of the industrial worker suggest.

Of the

ten workers

we

studied, five

showed some degree

of advance-

.

MAN S

THE SEASON S OF A

204

ment within

men were started.

LIFE

Down. Two

a stable life structure over the course of Settling

doing quite well by their

own

lights as

the Mid-life Transition

Nick D'Amico had moved from mechanic to freelance draftsman

to Designer

(the top level for hourly workers).

I

under construction

and the

in the suburbs

He had

possibility of

a

new house

promotion onto

the bottom rung of management. Ralph Ochs had worked in the company's plumbing department since age 18 and sought no further promotion.

He

enriched his work

active union ers;

member and

life in

the forties by being a shop steward, an

a senior figure in relation to the younger work-

and he found important

satisfactions in the family.

Three other workers had shown some advances, but their lives were more in question. Vincent Minelli at 40 had security but no satisfaction as

an unskilled White worker in the supply department of a company with

an increasingly Black labor

force.

His satisfactions came chiefly from his

moonlighting work, his children and his senior position ethnic family. skilled

He had

fantasies of

moving

in the

extended

to Australia. Larry Strode, a

Black worker with fifteen years' seniority, a shop steward and occa-

sional foreman, felt increasingly oppressed started his

own

by the factory

situation.

He

barber shop (a culminating event after years of moon-

and completed high school. At

41, he planned to and get into an occupation of greater value to himself and the community. At 45 he did become a mental health worker (see Chapter 18)

lighting as a barber)

leave the factory in a few years

Sequence B. Serious Failure or Decline

Within The

a Stable Life Structure

seven

biologists

Down

men

group include two workers, three executives and two

in this

(see the table

period, they

knew

on page 152). Before the end of the Settling that they were doing badly and their prospects

were limited. Only with the

start of

the Mid-life Transition, however, did

they honestly face the bleak reality and begin to consider alternative possibilities.

One might

his situation,

suppose that, once a

he would

arrive at a

man acknowledged

new adjustment

the gravity of

within a few weeks or

months. Actually, we find that the process of accommodation ordinarily requires several years.

During the course of the Mid-life Transition, he has

an opportunity to assimilate the fact that

and he can come this period

his earlier goals are

beyond him,

to terms with the blows to his self-esteem. It

approaches

its

end, however, that a

on which to build a new life. At the start of the Mid-life Transition,

man a

is

not until

can make firm choices

man

in

Sequence

A

has

The gained a senior position in his chosen world and

beyond

that,

something very

special to him.

Mid-life Transition

is

A man

205

trying for something

in

Sequence B, on the

other hand, does not achieve senior membership in the enterprise of his

dreams. As the Mid-life Transition begins, he must decide what to do with

now

his life

that he

knows he cannot be

a foreman, a great novelist, a

corporate executive, a scientist of a certain standing, a respected

member

community. Some men never recover from the crushing defeats they suffer in Becoming One's Own Man. They enter a decline from which no escape is possible, for internal as well as external reasons. An of his local

is Luke Doby, the Black worker described in Chapter 10. At age he was divorced, alone, unemployed, increasingly disabled and approach47 ing death. Another example is Mike Gallagher, an executive: over the

example

course of the Settling

moved

laterally in

the

Down

some

cases, a

man whose

at

was divorced, and

alcoholic,

to a "non-position."

viewed him, he had nowhere to go; In

became

period he

company

At

when we

inter-

Own Man

went

39,

40 he died of cancer.

efforts at

Becoming One's

new

badly uses the Mid-life Transition to form the basis for a failure

is

some

in

respects a boon. It shakes

him out

His

life.

He

of a rut.

is

able during the Mid-life Transition to free himself from the tyrannical

hold of the Settling

new

Down

commitments, which often were

unrealistic.

He

new satisfactions, new aspects of the self to be developed and enjoyed. Without giving up entirely his interest in advancement, he defines the ladder more broadly. External success and failure become less important as criteria for inner well-being. The quality of his total life finds

goals,

acquires greater significance than the quantity of his success

on any

single

dimension.

An

example

is

Leo Heinz (see Chapter 5), a middle manager who at a failure and was shifted to a non-position. He spent five

39 was defined as miserable years stewing in this job, until at 44 he left the company and became a business consultant. He then used his technical skills but avoided

the stresses of managerial authority and

liam Paulsen, the worker whose in

Chapter

Chapter

8.

We

life

New

is

Wil-

we examined

through the subsequent periods in

shall trace his steps

18.

for

Life Structure

In this sequence, a lives

Another example

through the novice phase

Sequence C. Breaking Out: Trying a

rivalry.

within

Own Man

it

man

establishes a life structure in early Settling

for three or four years,

(say at age 36 or 37) finds

and then it

early in

Down,

Becoming One's

unbearable and "breaks out."

The

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

206

breaking out includes a distinctive marker event such as leaving his wife, quitting his job or

moving

to another region.

new

effort to build a

makes a concerted

values and aspirations. Unfortunately,

change

radical

By

promise.

he

still

is

time in

at this

40,

is

the one hand, he

in

it.

Transition, this

new

a

be a com-

likely to

is

in his situation,

but

when he

man

finds himself in a

which he

trying to achieve the goals to

is still

engaged in the

actively

still

is

Own Man. On

Becoming One's tion the

structure

make

not able to devote himself sufficiently to his

committed himself; he

recently

with his

in accord

involved in relationships he had seemingly given up

new activities and choices. At the start of the Mid-life

On

more

extremely, difficult to

is

he may have made important changes

took the decisive step, and

bind.

it

The new

life.

For the next few years he

structure

the other hand, he

effort of

beginning to ques-

is

pattern of living and to see the illusions and contradictions

In the Mid-life Transition he has to ask again what

wants. Having

made

move

a big

only three or four years

new

faced with the possibility that this

world or suitable for the

self.

it is

He

is

course

that he really

he

earlier,

may not be

entering a transition longer and

profound than that in Becoming One's

We find that a man whose life takes Down

life

more

Own Man. this

sequence goes through a

of painful changes over a span of twelve to fifteen years or more: a flawed Settling

now

is

viable in the

structure at 33, breaks out of

it

series

he forms

at 37, discovers

at 41 that the current structure has crucial flaws, and uses the Mid-life

Transition to modify

he

will start

it.

At

if

46,

he has done enough developmental work,

forming a more satisfactory structure in the period of Enter-

ing Middle Adulthood.

The outcome some

of these

better life— a

men, while

we

followed his

plete the story in

life

One

Mid-life Transition and

its

18.

The

Change

lot.

attained by

is

Two

many

of our biographees

the novelist Paul Namson. In Chap-

other

is

Down

period;

we

shall

com-

James Tracy, the executive;

his

aftermath will be described in Chapter 19.

Sequence D. Advancement a

is

through the Settling

Chapter

rather disappointing for

had before and than

struggled less to improve their

exemplify the latter sequence. ter 12

is

for others the years of struggle finally yield a

richer than they

life

who have

others

of the Mid-life Transition

Which

Itself

Produces

in Life Structure

In this sequence, advancement during the late thirties brings about a modification in the Settling

that

is

Down

life structure.

A man

takes an

not just another advance within the same structure.

qualitative

change

in the character of his life.

He

gets

upward step

It

produces a

more than he

bar-

The gained

for.

207

Mid-life Transition

This change has major consequences for the onset and course

Three of our men

of the Mid-life Transition.

on page 152). An example is the executive Roger

are in this category (see the

table

thirties

Mohn

Chapter 10). In

his early

he was an hourly worker with considerable responsibility

in a job

(see

he loved. At 37 he became manager of the purchasing department in his plant. This advance changed his occupational world and led him to a new

At 40 came the culminating event: he was probe head of manufacturing, with a budget of $9 million and an

neighborhood and

moted

to

life style.

enterprise of 400 people. His great success

was

also his downfall.

The

years

from 41 to 44 were the low point of his life, in contrast to the high point from 33 to 36 when he ran a shop. During the Mid-life Transition he had a serious illness of uncertain prognosis, which intensified his concern with death and with the meaning of his

life.

He

got through this period largely

through his attachment to his family and the strength of his increasingly

When

he was 44 a company reorganization led to the departure of many colleagues and to his lateral shift into a less responsible

independent wife.

position.

He was

in the throes of the Mid-life Transition, trying to decide

whether to stay put

in a secure

but humiliating position in the only com-

pany he had ever worked ,for, or to step, see

Chapter

try for

something

better.

(

For the next

18.)

Sequence E. Unstable Life Structure Only three of our men— a worker, a biologist and a novelist— are in this category. They did not reach 40 during the time we studied them. None was able to lives in

see

stabilize a life structure in the Settling

how any

them could

of

worker,

period. Their

It

was hard to

attain a genuine sense of seniority or resolve

the contradictions in his adult

The

Down

the late thirties seemed to, be built on quicksand.

life.

Hank McCloud, had

and seemed unable to hold a

job.

cent marriage and family. In his late biological research to teaching

not yet formed an occupation at 37,

His main source of strength was his thirties,

Curt Ruger was moving from

and administration. At

39,

he was not quite

an academic biologist and not quite an educational administrator. that he

had made

other aspects of future.

At

36,

novels, doing a

a series of

life.

Now

compromise choices

he had a meager

re-

basis

He

in work, marriage

on which

felt

and

to build for the

Darryl Osborn lived a chaotic life— occasionally writing

few movie

scripts in

Hollywood, bouncing around the coun-

He had no structure within which to work at Becoming One's Own Mair! At the end of the Settling Down period, the men in Sequences C, D

try

on and

off of drugs,

unmarried and without stable relationships.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

208

E

and

have not formed a

quate place for the

Sequence

E

Dream

or for other important aspirations.

have lived within an unstable structure throughout

and the

costs of the instability

quences

C

Down

and

D

and then

the late

thirties.

at this time.

a

become

increasingly heavy.

tried to

change

Unfortunately,

it

(via breaking

it is

new

in

Those

in Se-

out or via advancement) in

very difficult to create a

Despite a man's good intentions and heroic

Own Man

Becoming One's

compromise between the oppressive

desired

Those

this period,

formed an integrated structure at the start of Settling

ture he tries to create in it is

an ade-

stable, integrated life structure containing

new

efforts,

structure

the struc-

contains serious flaws:

earlier structure

and the ardently

one, containing elements of both in uneasy # coexistence.

He

cannot quickly eliminate the negative elements from the past, no matter

how new

may seem.

intolerable they

Similarly,

he cannot quickly incorporate

elements or give formerly minor elements a central place in the

structure.

A man

in

Sequence C,

a life structure that

him

led

to seek to

is

D

or

E

thus begins the Mid-life Transition with

quite fragile and beset by the contradictions which

change

it

during the Settling

Down

period.

He must

also

begin the Mid-life Transition without having reached the top of his ladder.

During the Mid-life Transition, strong

and

to question the goals of

him both to pursue Man. The outcome of

forces impel

Own

Becoming One's

the process started in the late thirties will be discernible only as the transition

comes

to an

Thus, at

38,

end

in the mid-forties.

James Tracy divorced

his first wife

and remarried, but not

46 was he able to include both families in his life structure and to stabilize his relationship with his second wife (see Chapter 19) Paul Namuntil

.

son quit his executive position in the family firm at 37, eager to a full-time novelist, but

become

he could not give novel writing a central place

his life structure until age

46 (see Chapter 18) In .

his mid-trurties,

in

William

Paulsen started trying to get out of his working-class occupation— a mixture of

advancement and breaking out— and only

coming

in his mid-forties did

to terms with the failure of this effort (see

he begin

Chapter 18).

m As

Mid-life Individuation:

Young/Old, the Major Polarity

mentioned

I

in the previous chapter, individuation

a process in all

is

developmental transitions. In the Mid-life Transition, individuation creates a link between the ending of early adulthood and the start of middle adult-

hood.

It

period

provides a basis

modified and a

is

some

discuss

upon which the

new

of the specific

life

changes

Mid-life Transition. In this chapter

the

more underlying process

We Each

life

structure

structure of the Settling

is

made

created. In

Chapter 16

Down shall

I

in the life structure during the

and the

next,

want

I

upon

to focus

of individuation.

have identified four primary tasks in the individuation process.

fundamental polarity in the char-

task involves the reintegration of a

The

acter of living.

polarity has sources within the self

and

The

in society.

four polarities, already briefly described, are Young/Old,

Destruction/

The one Young/Old polarity.

Creation, Masculine/Feminine and Attachment/Separateness. that

is

most

In

common

times "I

am

it

it,

the

is

the next with the remaining three polarities.

parlance, children are young, the elderly are old,

rest of us are in

sometimes

change

central to all developmental

This chapter will deal with

between. But our language

refers to

an age category: those

ambiguous.

is

who

are elderly or aged.

refers to a process of aging or decline, as

getting too old for this sort of thing,"

when

and

is

a

man

told,

and the

The term

"old"

At other

of forty says,

"You're only as

old as you feel."

In their fullest meaning, the terms "young" and "old" are not tied to specific age levels.

biological

and

young and old remain young

They

are symbols that refer to basic psychological,

social qualities of at every age.

We

human start

life at

every age.

becoming old

We

are

both

we

at birth, just as

in certain respects during old age.

Ultimately, "young"

is

an archetypal symbol with many meanings.

It

represents birth, growth, possibility, initiation, openness, energy, potential. It colors rise,

the

the meaning

New

we

give to

many

concrete images: the infant, sun-

Year, the seed, the blossoms and

rites of spring,

comer, the promise, the vision of things to come.

We

are

the new-

young

at

any

THE SEASONS OF A

210

MAN

S

LIFE

age to the extent that these associations color our psychological, biological

and

social functioning.

Conversely, "old"

is

a

symbol representing termination,

structure, completion, death.

ity,

Grim Reaper, the Rock of midnight. The immovable of youth. I

I

Its

Wise Old Man,

Ages, the

fruition, stabil-

images include Father Time, the the dotard, winter,

object of age confronts the irresistible force

use the terms "young" and "old" in this symbolic sense, and

use other terms in referring to a particular age level or the process of

aging.

Being Young, strengths

and

To

meanings.

tive

but

bilities;

and

Old,

Each

be Young

also to

it is

in experience

may be

being

like

limitations.

be

is

to

advantages

has

and disadvantages,

can be given positive

state

be

lively,

as well as nega-

growing, heroic,

full of possi-

imperfectly developed, impulsive, lacking

fragile,

the Old person (whatever his age)

solidity. Similarly,

seen as wise, powerful, accomplished, "able to hear the dictates

of heaven"

(Confucius)—but

nected to the

life

also as senile, tyrannical, impotent,

uncon-

around him.

Young and Old, and the human development. It is the basic polarity to be worked on in every developmental transition. The symbolization of being both Old and Young— of death and rebirth, destruc-

The Young/Old

turing

and

polarity— the splitting of

them— is

effort to reintegrate

the polarity of

restructuring, mortality

and immortality— is inherent

very nature of a developmental transition.

coming

to an

lives

feel

Young, since the potential

Old

new

in

the

in that a phase in

Yet we

to pass.

also

period carries with

it

the qualities

major developmental task of the Mid-life Transition

is

to confront

of rejuvenation

A

feel

end and must be permitted

our

is

We

for a

and growth.

Old within oneself and seek new ways of being Young/ up certain of his former youthful qualities— some with regret, some with relief or satisfaction— while retaining and transforming other qualities that he can integrate into his new life. And he must find

Young and

the

Old.

A man

positive

the

must

give

meanings of being "older."

For Jung, an archetype

is

an elemental image that has been established

human evolution. It has come to exist human mind. To understand its function, consider how we employ

over thousands of generations in in every

psychic or instinctual energy. is

We are born with a pool of such

energy that

transformed, over the course of development, into a variety of more

specific drives

and impulses

power, creativeness.

from the life,

start.

depends on

The

How

it

specific

relating to aggression, sexuality, dependence,

potential for

develops,

complex motives and

and what forms

it

feelings

is

there

takes in the individual

circumstances and experiences.

Mid-life Individuation:

an archetype

Similarly,

whom

initial,

figure." It

undifferentiated image into an

becomes

a person in one's head, a

one has an ongoing relationship— loving,

fighting, admir-

depreciating— much as one does with a person in the external world.

ing,

We

have archetypes for the bad

just

my

me

211

Polarity

a potential for further development. It evolves

complex "internal

increasingly

being with

is

from an

in the individual r3syche

Young/Old, the Major

in

exist

self

and the good

particular mother, but a maternal figure

numerous ways ) God, ,

self,

who

the mother (not

helps and threatens

muse.

devil, authority, healer,

The

archetypes

within us as organizing factors that shape and are shaped by our

experience over the

life

course. In each person,

some develop

to a high

degree, others remain dormant.

In Jungian theory, the Puer a youth, a person of any age

the archetype of being

is

who

is

Young— a

In childhood, this archetype evolves as the child experiences brings plans

and

possibilities into realization,

animals, flowers, projects, relationships. (in Winnicott's sense), the child

child,

developmental process.

at the start of a

its

own

growth,

and observes the growth of

With "good enough" development

forms an internal figure of himself as

Puer: a budding person with remarkable potentials in a world full of opportunities and dangers.

The Senex

in Jungian theory

is

the archetype of being

Old— elderly,

who is at the end of a developmental process. we form a sense of what it means to be aging, declin-

senescent, a person of any age Starting in childhood,

ing, suffering a loss of

our former powers, dying.

tribute to this process. People

Many

around the child get

experiences con-

sick, infirm,

conspicu-

ously old; they die. So do pets, plants and other living things. Toys

other objects are destroyed and exist no more. or hurt in

some way

that arouses his

own and

The

child

may

others' anxiety.

and

get sick

Not

yet

understanding the nature of aging and death, he develops primitive fantasies

that give

meaning

He

to these symbols.

tries to

grasp the distinction

between "living" and "dead" beings, and between animate beings and inanimate objects. Just as the experience of being

Young

can, under favorable conditions,

continue through old age, so does the experience of getting Old begin in childhood.

The

child's experience of his

own and

others' aging contributes

to the formation of an internal figure of himself as Senex: a person in decline,

no longer

full of

promise but having to relinquish the powers so

essential to the Puer.

In every transitional period, throughout the

life

cycle,

the internal

Young and Old— what Jung called Puer and Senex— are modified and placed in a new balance. The end of the preceding period stimulates Old thoughts and feelings about being in a rut, rotting, coming to the figures of

THE SEASONS OF A

212

brink of death.

The

MAN S

LIFE

new

the

start of

feelings

about being reborn, making a fresh

ities in

the

is

and new

self

to create a

new Young/Old

discovering fresh possibil-

The

task in every transition

integration appropriate to that time of

Especially with the change in eras, there qualities of maturity,

start,

the world.

vistas in

Young thoughts and

period stimulates

judgment,

is

normally an increase in the Old

self -awareness,

structure, breadth of perspective.

life.

But these

magnanimity, integrated

qualities are of value only

if

they continue to be vitalized by the Young's energy, imagination, wonder-

ment, capacity for foolishness and fancy.

The Young/Old connection must

be sustained. It is

not easy to maintain the balance.

A person

prematurely Old and lacking in youthful qualities.

been so deprived that he the future.

He

is

against emptiness

of any age

A

may become may have

child of six

loses all sense of excitement, play, anticipation of

emotionally a withered old man, fighting a futile battle

and

decline.

An

may be

adolescent

so weighted

down by

a morally constraining family, or by having prematurely to take on heavy

adult responsibilities, that his youthful passions are stifled and he cannot sustain the dreams

may be to the

on which

adulthood

early

Old

so in the grip of the

that he

is

is

built.

A man

of 40 or 50

stagnant, dry, hardly connected

world around him or to anything he can value in himself, having

to give others or to receive

from them.

It is as

little

though the Young had been

totally extinguished.

At the other extreme,

a

man may become

so anxious about aging

and

dying that he denies these concerns altogether and attempts to remain the

We see this in the man of twenty-five who remains tied who leads a transient life without serious attachments and He is, as it were, poised between boyhood and early adult-

perpetual Young., to the family or responsibilities.

hood, unable to complete the Early Adult Transition and make the com-

mitments on which at the

a

first

adult

life

structure can be formed.

He

is

terrified

thought of becoming an adult, yet he can no longer remain a child.

Living in a kind of limbo, he acts very "adolescent" but feels lost and unattached.

We insists

also see this clinging to the

on remaining youthful

Young

in the

the good times that he earlier missed. His problem

be youthful, but that he remains stuck

Young and Old. His developmental that

is,

qualities

middle-aged.

To do

man

of 40 to 50

in the early adult sense, trying to

this,

task

in is

is

have

who now

not that he wishes to

an early adult conception of

to

become

older than he

was—

he has to make more use of the Old

than before, while finding age-appropriate forms through which

to express his youthful qualities as well.

Throughout the

life cycle,

the archetypal

Young and Old

coexist within

.

Young/Old, the Major

Mid-life Individuation:

us.

The

ment

Young

internal

in

many

Polarity

213

has great energy and capacity for further develop-

directions.

The

internal

Old has

attained a high degree of

and can now Young/Old balance. In pre-adulthood the Young is normally predominant, the Old just taking shape. In early adulthood, the balance is more even but the Young is normally stronger. Middle adulthood should be the time of optimal Young/Old structure, has

gone

he can

as far as

develop no further. Every era has

balance: a

man

in realizing his potential,

its

characteristic

can have a firmer structure with which to use his consid-

and capacity

erable energy, imagination

becomes heavier and the

internal resources

more

The Sense

of Mortality

In the Mid-life Transition the

As

early

though the

limited,

fears of the "loss of youth."

and Wish

Young/Old

for Immortality

polarity

experienced with

is

man is assailed by new Young— variously represented

He

feels that

the

and the youthful adult

in

himself— is dying.

The imagery of old age and death hangs over him like a pall. A number of changes commonly occurring at around 40

A man

sense of aging.

them

anxieties

One

experiences

but others

in stride,

some

strike

of these changes as

about getting old and confronting him with important change, as

his earlier

much, do with he remembers formation.

He

peak

we have seen,

levels of functioning.

as little sleep as before.

well and finds

less

it

intensify the

minor and

with great impact, arousing his

is

his

own

He

mortality.

the decline in bodily and

psychological powers. In his late thirties and early forties a

below

possi-

adulthood comes to an end, a

as the child, the adolescent

takes

is,

adulthood the structure

action and development continue.

bilities for vital

special force.

Middle adulthood

for change.

in this sense, the center of the life cycle. In late

cannot run

man

falls

well

as fast, lift as

His vision and hearing are

less acute,

harder to learn masses of specific

in-

more prone to aches and pains and may undergo a serious him with permanent impairment or even death. These widely an their severity and their effects on a man's life. Reis

illness that threatens

changes vary

duced strength and

agility

may be

less distressing to

an accountant than to

a professional athlete (or a fierce competitor at tennis lose his standing

The

decline

on the is

normally quite moderate and leaves a

capacities for living in

trophic.

make

A man

life

who cannot

middle age. But

fears that

worthwhile.

bear to

local ladder)

he

When

will

it

soon lose

youth

is

is

all

man

with ample

often experienced as catas-

the youthful qualities that

totally lost, all that

is

left

is

to be

THE SEASONS OF A

214

totally old.

MAN

LIFE

s

At an archetypal

Young

level,

immortal, Old

is

the brink of

is

death.

Reminders of mortality

and

meaning they have he

A man may

loss of others.

him

for

by the more frequent

are also given

will

suffer distressing losses at

depend

sixties or seventies, are

more

on the developmental period early forties, the probability

or getting seriously

ill.

now

parents,

ordinarily in their

be faced with problems of more people, it seems, are dying

likely to die or to

and dependency.

retirement, illness

any age. The

and

up considerably. His

of such losses goes

death

partly

in at the time. In his late thirties

is

illness,

There

are

A

lot

more accidents and heart

more

attacks,

divorces, depressions, alcoholism, job failures, troubles with children or

parents, suffering of

A man's

kinds.

all

sensitivity to the increase in others'

own

accentuated by his these problems

he

partly because

The sense

more is

in others, starting to

of aging

misfortune and suffering

is

He

notices

and resonates to them with greater

feeling,

entry into th^ Mid-life Transition.

come

and mortality

to terms with his

own

mortality.

accentuated by the change in genera-

is

around 40. In the terms of Ortega y Gasset (see Chapter 2), part of the 'initiation" generation from about 30 to 45. He is

tional status at

a

man

*

is

establishing his niche in society

and pursuing

his youthful aspirations.

Dur-

ing the Mid-life Transition, from about 40 to 45, he starts taking his place in the

"dominant" generation. By the middle

eration senior to that of the thirties.

new

enter a respect,

generation but on what

competence,

The

question

now form an

No

hood.

Even

if

ment,

he

is

At around 40

how

man

Down

so

no longer

much

and

is

on the path

toward success and

failure

crucial to climb another

ness toward others, his

it.

to greater attain-

normally begins to

rung on the ladder— to

more

of the rewards that

in the past.

more

He

is

especially difficult

has to deal

contempt toward himself, and

would now be marvelous tasted

He must

early adult-

letdown in the Mid-life Transition.

a great deal

has not attained his earlier goals.

A man may be

enterprise intensifies his

done with the ambitions of

Giving up the intense concern with success

man

of satisfaction,

from those of

write another book, get another promotion, earn

meant

not whether he will

reaches a turning point.

well or poorly he has

his basic orientation It is

a

likely to experience a

he has accomplished

change.

is

clearly in a gen-

is

status.

enterprise qualitatively different

matter

his thirties,

he

terms— with what degree

Finally, the culmination of the Settling

sense of mortality.

forties,

if

first

with his

if

a

bitter-

his illusion that life

only he had been able to seize the gold ring.

free to question the real value of success,

But the man who manages

once he has

to reach his youthful goals often gets

Young/Old, the Major

Mid-life Individuation:

He may

caught up in the excitement of success.

how little meaning it has for him. Every man in the Mid-life Transition fairy tale

does not enter a

that the hero

comes

a

is

to an end.

life

He

sees, indeed,

and accept the symbolic death

to grieve

He

of the youthful hero within himself.

will gradually discover

new

the heroic qualities he can keep, which

how he might be

develop in himself, and

the hero of the

starts to see that

die or be transformed as early adulthood

A man must begin

context of middle adulthood.

215

need a few years to discover

of eternal, simple happiness.

who must

youth

Polarity

which of

he can discover and

qualities

a hero of a different kind in the

Humanity has

wisdom for conmiddle-aged man." That archetype

structing the "portrait of the hero as a

as yet little

poorly evolved.

is still

For many reasons, then, before that he

marrow event.

going to

is

die.

He

feels

of his being. His death

An

man knows more

40 a

at

deeply than ever

in his bones, in his dreams, in the

it

not simply an abstract, hypothetical

is

unpredictable accident or illness could take his

Even another

thirty years does not

seem

so long:

more

years

life

tomorrow.

now

lie

behind

than ahead.

Why

should the recognition of our mortality be so painful?

we not come adolescence?

be

know

to

Why

it

does

partially resolved

and

and accept

it

come up

it,

once and for

in every

in

all,

Why

can

childhood or

developmental transition, to

partially denied, only to confront us again in the

next?

A

primary reason,

and

of the strongest

I

believe,

is

the wish for immortality. This

least malleable of

human

great force during early adulthood as an aspect of the

young man has the

is

one

motives. It operates with

Young

desire to live forever, to play a part in

A

archetype.

some

eternal

drama, to be assured permanent tenure in heaven or in history. Like other elemental drives, this one

But

tions.

also a

it is

is

many

the source of

fundament

for our love of

illusions

and

self-decep-

our sense of

life,

self,

our

urge to create products of lasting value, our wish to be involved in the world

and experience

richly

what

it

offers us. It

is

reflected in the

trauma that

ac-

companies every advance toward acknowledging our short-lived existence this world.

standing of

At

We it

never entirely give

normally change as

mid-life,

it

up, though our awareness

we become more

A

individuated adults.

the growing recognition of mortality collides with the

powerful wish for immortality and the it.

man's fear that he

is

many

not immortal

is

illusions that

help to maintain

expressed in his preoccupation

with bodily decline and his fantasies of imminent death. At the most

mental

level,

he

in

and under-

feels that

he

is

lighting for survival.

thought of being dead, of no longer existing

He

is

terrified at

ele-

the

as this particular person. In

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

2l6

the words of the old song, "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but

nobody

wants to die."

Beyond the concern with personal survival, there is a concern with It is bad enough to feel that my life will soon be over. It is even worse to feel that my life has not had— and never will have— sufficient value meaning.

for myself

and the world. The wish

man's reappraisal of his

in a

for immortality plays a powerful part

He

life at 40.

often feels that his

now

life until

some redeeming qualaccrued value. life not enough feel that his has likely to ities, he is still He has not fulfilled himself sufficiently and has not contributed enough to Even

has been wasted.

the world.

What

in cooler

if,

moments, he

finds

he has been and what he has produced are of

little

conse-

quence. In the remaining years he wants to do more, to be more, to give

meaning that

his life a

will live after his death.

A man at 40 may have been so beaten down by an oppressive environment, or so consumed in the struggle for survival, that he cannot make the developmental effort to give his is

a

new meaning. The

inner flame

extinguished and no further potential can be brought into being.

without hope or sense of value. Such

exists

or

life

men

He

often die in their forties

The immediate cause of death may be illness, accident or alcoholThe basic cause is that neither he nor society can make a space for him

fifties.

ism.

to live,

and he

just withers

away. There are too few available resources, ex-

ternal or internal, to sustain his trivial

existence

if

life.

Alternatively,

he may

live a

long and

he finds a protective environment and accepts a limited

life.

A dramatic During

end, with tion.

example of decline

this era

He

all

his power,

he died of

could invest his

his self in

in

middle adulthood

he converted a small fortune into

starvation, disease

money with

is

Howard Hughes.

a fantastic empire.

great profit, but

At the

and emotional

isola-

he could not invest

any enterprise or obtain psychic income from

He

it.

finally suffo-

cated within the cocoon he had built around himself. Mid-life defeat has been portrayed in countless novels

and

plays. It

is

a recurrent theme in the work of Chekhov, Ibsen and Strindberg (especially

the plays they wrote after age 40)

.

In

The Iceman Cometh, Eugene

depicts the small world of Harry Hope's saloon of

its

members

but have about 40,

men who maintain The central character,

are middle-aged

lost all real visits

hope.

O'Neill

and boardinghouse. Most their youthful illusions

Hickey, a salesman of

annually to nourish their dreams and to indulge himself

in the role of savior

and Santa Claus. At the end, Hickey and acknowledges

own

gives

up the

illu-

illusions, his struggle

with

the archetypal figure of Death (symbolized as the Iceman), and his

feel-

sory rescue of others

his

ings in the aftermath of killing his wife. O'Neill wrote this play in the after-

math

of his

own

debilitating mid-life

crisis.

Young/Old, the Major

Mid-life Individuation:

217

Polarity

Autumn Garden deals with similar themes in a more genteel, Southern world. In a later comment on this play, Hellman said: "I suppose the point I had in mind is this—you come to a place in your life when what you've been is going to form what you will be. If you've wasted what you have in you, it's too late to do much about it. If Hellman's play The

Lillian

you've invested yourself in

you're pretty certain to get a return. If you

life,

are inwardly a serious person, in the

the Mid-life Transition, oneself or invested in

it

life,

is

middle years

hard to

it

will

pay

During

off."

know how much one

has wasted

and what kind of further return one

will

have

during the middle years. This was clearly a question for Hellman herself

when

she wrote the play, in her middle forties.

man

development has not already been too impaired, a

If his

Mid-life Transition begins to accept his mortality

and

to give

up

in the

his

most

grandiose illusions of immortality. This does not mean, however, that the

wish for immortality disappears.

On

the contrary, with normal development

more subject to reflective thought, more its aims. Making an effort to increase the actual value of his life, he strengthens his claim on the immortality for which he still deeply yearns. Whatever his religious views or his secular philosophy of life, he believes that this claim depends largely on his own self-fulfillment and social contribution. He wants to leave a trace, however small, on the course of humankind. A man in the Mid-life Transition is troubled by his seemingly imminent death. He is beset even more by the anxiety that he will not be able to make his future better than his past. As he seeks to modify and enrich his life, this wish becomes more modest and realistic in

conscious,

he has self-doubts ranging

"Can

I

too old

in intensity

from mild pessimism

to utter panic:

make my life more worthwhile in the remaining years? Am I now to make a fresh start? Have I become obsolete? What shall I try to

do and be

for myself, for

worst feeling of

all is

my

loved ones, for

my

tribe, for

humanity?" The

to contemplate long years of meaningless existence

without youthful passions, creative

effort or social contribution.

The

self-

doubts are intensified by the Old, which evokes powerful feelings of disinte :

and death. It is his voice within that says, 'There is no more time— the end is here." During and after the Mid-life Transition a man tries to transform the Young/Old of youth and create a middle-aged self, wiser and more mature gration, despair

than before yet tion

and daring.

still

connected to the youthful sources of energy, imagina-

He comes

the continuity of the its

form,

bility for

lies

to grasp

human

more

species.

within that larger

human

clearly the flow of generations

and

His personal immortality, whatever continuity.

He

feels

more

responsi-

the generations that will follow his own. Acquiring a greater indi-

viduality, a firmer sense of

who he

is

and what matters most

to him,

he

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

21 8

more deeply

also understands

that he

emerges a middle-aged

a drop in the vast river of recedes,

and

in

human

his

place

with more knowledge of his limitations as well

power and authority.

as greater real

poem

In a

man

is

Young hero

Slowly the omnipotent

history.

written

Roethke portrays

Dying Man,"

is

when he was about

50,

the American poet Theodore

his experience of mortality.

This poem, entitled "The

dedicated to Yeats. It reflects Roethke's struggles, in the

flower of middle adulthood, to accept the actuality of death while his vitality

...

and

own

desire for immortality are at their height:

he dares

Who stops

to Jive

being a bird, yet beats his wings

Against the immense immeasurable emptiness oi things.

Although

a

major

effort

in the Mid-life Transition, a

toward the recognition of mortality begins

more profound

spiritual

poem

not likely to occur until late adulthood. Yeats's lished

when he was

the fierce still

67, depicts this process.

The

title

acceptance of

it

is

"Vacillation" pub-

suggests that, despite

pride with which Yeats wishes to approach death, his

spirit

is

clouded with uncertainty.

No longer in Lethean

foliage caught

Begin the preparation for your death

And horn

the fortieth winter by that thought

Test every work of intellect or

faith,

And everything that your own hands have wrought, And call those works extravagance of breath That are not suited for such men as come Proud, open-eyed and Jaughing to the tomb. It

may have

taken Yeats some years longer to imagine entering the

tomb

neither "open-eyed and laughing" nor in sadness and fear, but with quiet

acceptance of the unknowable losses and gains to come.

The Legacy Imagery of the legacy tends to flourish during the Mid-life Transition, part of the passes

work on the Young/Old

polarity.

man's legacy

on to future generations: material possessions,

enterprises,

influence on others.

Men

differ

about what constitutes a legacy. Although the is

A

impossible to measure, in his

mate value

mind

of his life— and his claim

it

is

as

what he

creative products,

enormously

in

real value of a

their views

man's legacy

defines to a large degree the ulti-

on immortality.

Young/Old, the Major

Mid-life Individuation:

219

Polarity

some men place the highest They

In estimating the merit of their legacy,

value on raising children and maintaining familial-tribal continuity.

want

their children to

During

traditions.

grow up and

early

man may

them develop

begetting children and seeing

accord with family

live as adults in

adulthood a

During middle adulthood, however, the

take special pleasure in

own

in variations of his

satisfaction

is

ferent order. His offspring take their place in the adult world. riences their self-development

adult labors. Their

lives, their

and attainments

image.

somewhat

of a

He

dif-

expe-

as the fruits of his early

personal satisfactions, accomplishments and

He

contributions are an essential part of his legacy.

on

will live

partly

through them.

The

joys

and despondencies parents

The

excessive.

make more

feel

parents' preoccupations with

sense

when

in

middle age often seem

"how the

children are doing"

seen in the context of the legacy: they reflect basic

parental feelings about the value of one's contribution to posterity and one's claim

on immortality.

No man who

truly cares

about his fatherhood

can be without these feelings. In moderation, they enrich

become an

they

A

albatross

and

others.

At

he often becomes increasingly concerned

mid-life

with the value and security of his

estate.

He

gets

more

interested in

ing charitable contributions and helping worthy causes.

about the well-being of

He

community,

his

union, professional society.

It is

bequeathing something to

ism

is,

it

religious

cares

mak-

more

organization, college,

add to

his

is

of enduring value; only then

own enduring

value.

The

altru-

in part, a vehicle of the search for immortality.

For many life

men

structure

at mid-life,

work

is

the most significant component of

and the major source of the

craftsman, builder),

who

creates his

legacy.

own unique

winning the Nobel

Prize, the Pulitzer Prize, or the

in his local society

is

The

artist (scientist,

products, wants his

to constitute a treasure that can live forever— in his

award

He

important to him that they merit his sup-

needs to believe that an institution

will

the

offspring.

man's legacy may include the material possessions he hands down to

his family

port.

In excess,

life.

around the neck of both parent and

work

name. The idea of

"Man

suffused with this meaning.

of the Year"

A man who

de-

velops and manages institutions— a political leader, educational administrator,

his

owner of

his

own

monument, an

his legacy.

that his

The man

work

small shop or

edifice that

farm— would

like his institution to

he helped to create and that

will

be

be part of

in a health, education or welfare occupation

hopes

as healer, teacher or reliever of suffering will create a legacy

of better lives in future generations.

During the Mid-life Transition he must move toward a more realistic view of his occupational legacy. If he is very successful at 40, he may have a rather inflated view of his past achievements

and

his future prospects. In

THE SEASONS OF A

220

MAN S

LIFE

the Mid-life Transition he comes to the depressing realization that his previous successes are not so grand as he had imagined.

best, they

form a prelude to the main work, a

substantial

project can be constructed.

the future. His

by no means

initial success is like a

if

he

not be as monumental

as

nor will

it

give

is

on which

At more

a

But the important achievements remain

a guarantee of better

to realize that, even

basis

promissory note: an assurance but

work to come.

the omnipotent

It is still

new work,

very effective in his

him the expected

for

more

deflating

the result will

Young man might have

happiness.

To

wished,

the extent that he heals

the wounds produced by this ego deflation, he can get on with the serious

work and form

"good enough" legacy. Indeed,

a

as

the work

itself

becomes

may become more genuinely productive than we shall see in the cases of Tracy, Barnes and Namson. man who has worked hard during his thirties comes to recog-

more interesting to him, he ever before, as

Often, a

nize in the Mid-life Transition that his cumulated achievements and

do not provide

a basis for further

never

will

rise to

He

advancement.

educator, political leader or violin

maker

skills

cannot become a writer,

of the caliber

he imagined.

He

the level he sought in the military, the corporation or

He will fall far short of his early Dream. This is a crucial turning point. He may decide to continue in his present job, doing work that is increasingly routine and humiliating. He may change to another

the church.

job, or

another occupation, that offers more challenge and satisfaction.

he may reduce

his interest in

Or

work, performing well enough to keep em-

ployed but investing himself more in other aspects of

life

such

as family

or leisure.

The withdrawal of involvement in the job is a well-known phenomenon among low-status workers in many organizations who have 'nowhere to go" occupationally after a certain age. It also occurs among business executives, professionals and others who complete a first career at mid-life. While remaining nominally in their defined occupation, they spend much '

of their time in a variety of philanthropic, civic

and other

serious activities

through which they hope to generate a legacy. Several executives told us with quiet eagerness of their intention to retire

from business

themselves not to to working

early,

making

perhaps at 50 or

55.

They would then devote

a profit or achieving production objectives, but

on improving the quality of

life

for others. This

is,

so to say,

the "Hyde-Jekyir complex. In Stevenson's novel the virtuous Dr. Jekyll

was transformed

at times into the villainous

sequence, an executive regards himself

who

will

someday (before

valuable Jekyll.

He

it is

as a

Mr. Hyde. Reversing the

mercenary, exploitive

Hyde

too late) transform himself into a socially

cannot yet allow himself the luxury of living the good

Young/Old, the Major

Mid-life Individuation:

but he hears

life,

him

Jekyll's voice urging

to save his soul

Polarity

221

and create a

legacy for immortality.

A

man's legacy involves family, work or other valued contributions that

ensure his immortality. Immortality

may mean

that his eternal soul exists

human hisThe desire for an immortalizing legacy is a powerful, "normal" human urge. It stems from the wish for omnipotence and the archetypes of the Young and the Self as eternal figures. This desire can have destrucin

an eternal heaven, or that he has a place, small or

large, in

tory.

tive

consequences

grows, unchecked, into overly elaborate, magical

it

if

On

forms, as in the Faust legend.

by

early failure

the other hand,

and disappointment,

and a denial that anything

self

may

it

in

if it is

nipped

in the

bud

lead to a loss of belief in the

the world

is

worth bequeathing a

legacy to.

With "good enough" development, enriches a man's

the wish to create a valued legacy

middle adulthood. The developmental work of

life in

the Mid-life Transition modulates the tyranny of his

demands

of ambition

to be himself

and

is

mean, however, that

and

and competitive

less

driven to

it is

time

responsibility in society.

at

He

rivalry.

meet

tribal

He

Dream and

the urgent

has more inner freedom

requirements. This does not

40 or 50 to withdraw from involvement

has major contributions to offer as father,

grandfather, son, brother, husband, lover, friend, mentor, healer, leader,

mediator, authority, author, creator and appreciator of the

These contributions constitute In every era, a erate a legacy.

man

But

in

human

heritage.

his legacy.

normally has the need and the capability to genthe Mid-life Transition the meaning of legacy

deepens and the task of building a legacy acquires

mental significance. As we learn better

how

to foster

its

greatest develop-

development

in adult-

hood, "creating a legacy" will become an increasingly important part of

middle adulthood. This

will

add both to the personal fulfillment of

vidual adults and to the quality of

life

for succeeding generations.

indi-

r|

[Q

J

^

We

turn

Mid-life Individuation:

The Other

now

Polarities

to the three other polarities that figure so centrally in the

Mid-life Transition. All of these polarities transitional period,

made during

and they are never

come up

for reworking in every

fully resolved. Still, the progress

the Mid-life Transition provides a groundwork for reapprais-

ing and modifying one's past

life

and

new

for building a

life

structure in

Entering Middle Adulthood.

The Destruction/Creation

Polarity

man

reviews his

In the Mid-life Transition, as a greater meaning,

give

it

tion

and creation

own

of his

process.

as

he must come to terms

fundamental aspects of

mortality makes

Knowing

him more aware

own

that his

death

is

not

life.

creative.

The

creative impulse

is

new way with

of destruction as a universal far off,

even a spoon or toy,

pendent existence. In the mind of will enrich the lives of those

Thus, both mid-life.

The

sides of the

who

life.

its

creator,

it

are engaged with

on an indeits

own and

it.

Destruction/Creation polarity are intensified at

acute sense of his

own

ultimate destruction intensifies a is

man who

is

accompanied by

human

life

gen-

ready to look, death and destruction are every-

where. In nature, each species eats certain others and

tion

to

in himself.

For the others.

It is

song, a paint-

has a being of

a greater awareness of the destructive forces in nature, in

and

A

in a spirit of creation, takes

man's wish for creation. His growing wish to be creative

erally,

eager to affirm

is

wants to be more

not merely to "make" something.

made

if

he

He

bring something into being, to give birth, to generate ing,

destruc-

His growing recognition

himself and for the generations to come.

life for

and considers how to

life

in a

The

is

eaten by

still

geological evolution of the earth involves a process of destruc-

and transformation. To construct anything, something

else

must be

Mid-life Individuation:

destructured and restructured. In

sperm are joined to create

new

a

human

The Other

reproduction, an

many of man

being; but

every species (with the possible exception

223

Polarities

ovum and

a

others are left to die. In in the

next evolutionary

phase), far more offspring are created than will live through adulthood.

The

vast initial supply

meets the food requirements of other species, allows

for the ravages of a harsh environment,

and

adults to ensure the survival of the species.

mixture of destruction

harmony and evolution

A bird

and

Both are

creation.

"balance of nature"

is

of a

to the overall

essential

of the world.

snowstorm does not wish to hurt the

is

number

yields a sufficient

The

trees that fall in its

wake.

A

worm or damaging a bush, but in The human being, however, often acts

interested not in destroying a

obtaining food and building a nest.

out of hatred, malice and vindictiveness, with the specific desire to cause pain and destruction.

on

Homo sapiens

is

one of the very few species that preys

engages in collective torture and individual sadism, and creates

itself,

social structures in ically deprived,

Yet ours

is

which

large

segments of the population are systemat-

oppressed, destroyed in body and soul. also the only species that seeks to transcend

nature" and to attain

new

its

"animal

heights of moral, intellectual and esthetic devel-

opment. The evolution of human society

is

a testament to these visionary

pitifully slow.

In working toward a higher

dreams, but our progress

is

Good, we

antithesis— the conception and the actuality of

produce

The answer

Evil.

how

also

its

not to give up our creative aspirations, but to learn

is

to live better with the Destruction/Creation polarity.

No man tiveness.

can get to age 40 without some experience of human destrucOther persons, including those closest to him, have in some ways

damaged his self-esteem, hindered his development, kept him from seeking and finding what he wanted most. Likewise, he himself has at times caused great hurt to others, including his loved ones. In reappraising his

come

to a

new

or imagined

during the Mid-life Transition, a

life

damage they have done him. For

immobilized by the helpless rage he friends

what

is

and loved ones who, even more

as

difficult,

feels

he now

a time

he may be

bilities for

have

I

He

sees

it,

"How

have

I

failed

loved ones and for enterprises that affect

failed myself

and destroyed

utterly

have hurt him badly. And,

he must come to terms with

has to ask himself:

real

toward parents, wife, mentors,

grievances against himself— for the destructive effects he has

and himself.

man must

understanding of his grievances against others for the

my own

my

many

possibilities?

his guilts— his

had on others adult responsi-

persons?

How

can

How I

live

with the guilt and remorse?"

His developmental task

is

to understand

more deeply the place

of de-

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

224

own

structiveness in his

work on

this task

LIFE

S

and

life

in

unconscious.

is

human

What

affairs generally.

Much

involved, above

all,

is

working of painful feelings and experiences. Some

men

is

of the

the

articulate their

re-

new

awareness in words, others in the esthetic terms of music, painting or poetry.

Most men simply

must come

live

out in their daily

it

to terms with his grievances

lives.

In any case, a

man

and guilts— his view of himself

as

victim and as villain in the continuing tale of man's inhumanity to man.

burdened excessively by

If

he

to

surmount them.

is

he

If

ness does not exist,

he

loving and affirming

life.

It

destructive capabilities.

man

be impaired

will

be unable

recognize and take responsibility for his

Even without

hostile intentions,

he

for others.

discipline his children for the best of reasons

effects.

he

in his capacity for creating,

damaging consequences

act in ways that have

may

his grievances or guilts,

forced to maintain the illusion that destructive-

will also

necessary that a

is

is

own

will at times

As

a father,

he

and to the worst of

In a love relationship, his feelings cool unexpectedly and he with-

draws from the relationship;

it

makes no sense

to marry, yet the other

person feels abandoned and betrayed. As a boss, he must demote someone

who

is

worthy but incompetent, damaging that person's self-esteem and

future prospects.

No

act can

the power to do great good, cause some harm— and

will

be

totally

we must

benign in

its

consequences.

To have

bear the burden of knowing that

in the end, perhaps,

we

more harm than good.

we can be unwittingly destrucwe have destructive wishes toward others, even loved ones. There are times when a man feels hatred and revulsion, when he would like to leave or assault his loved ones, when he finds them intolerably cruel, disparaging, petty, controlling. He often It

is

tive. It

feels

hard enough to acknowledge that

is

most painful of

all

to accept that

an intense range or bitterness without knowing what brought

or toward

whom

to loved ones

it is

directed. Finally,

it

on

he has actually done hurtful things

on purpose— with the worst of intentions, and

in

some

cases

with the worst of consequences.

Men

at

40

differ

sponsibility for their

they have done

widely in their readiness to acknowledge and take

own

harm

guilty about the real or

destructiveness.

to others or

Some have no

might wish to do

imagined damage they have

so.

re-

awareness that

Others are so

inflicted that they are

not free to consider the problems of destructiveness more dispassionately

and place

it

in broader perspective. Still others

that a person

may

some awareness each

case,

feel

have some understanding

both love and hate toward the same person, and

of the ambivalence in their

the developmental task

is

self-knowledge and self-responsibility.

own

valued relationships. In

to take a further step toward greater

The Other

Mid-life Individuation:

Even the most mature at mid-life

man

or knowledgeable

225

Polarities

has a great deal to learn

He

about workings of destructiveness in himself and in society.

has to learn about the heritage of anger, against others and against himself, that he has carried within himself from childhood.

He

has to learn, also,

about the angers he has accumulated over the course of adulthood, build-

on and amplifying the childhood

ing

And he

sources.

has to place these

internal destructive forces within the wider context of his ongoing adult life,

setting

them

ways to integrate

The

learning

lectual. It

against the creative, life-affirming forces

them I

and finding new

middle adulthood.

in

have

just referred to

not purely conscious or

is

intel-

cannot be acquired simply by reading a few books, taking a few

some psychotherapy, though all of these may conThe main learning goes on

courses, or even having

tribute to a long-term

developmental process.

within the fabric of one's

life.

During the Mid-life Transition, we often

learn by going through intense periods of suffering, confusion, rage against

others

and

The in the

ourselves, grief over lost opportunities

and

Destruction/Creation polarity surely played

middle adulthood of the poet John Milton

existed.

lost parts of the self.

as

as in

fundamental a part any

man who

ever

Living in mid-seventeenth-century England during a period of

cataclysmic social change, blinded at 42, suffering severe misfortunes in his

personal

dedicated to a lawful social order, believing in a just

life,

God and

enraged at the injustices perpetrated in God's world, he was a respected statesman and scholar and one of the great poets of Western civilization. In the following lines from Paradise Lost, he gives us a glimpse into his

(and our) experience of the mid-life struggle:

Which way shaJJ I Infinite wrath

and

Which way I fly is hell; And in the lowest deep Still threat' ning to

To which

One of life."

the hell

fly

infinite despair?

myself

am

hell;

a iower deep,

devour me, opens wide, I suffer

seems

a heaven.

possible fruit of a man's labors

The

tragic sense derives

on

this polarity

from the

is

the "tragic sense

realization that great misfor-

tunes and failures are not merely imposed upon us from without, but are

own

largely the result of our story. In a sad story

tragic flaws.

the hero dies or

A

tragic story

fails in his

is

not merely a sad

enterprise or

is

rejected

by

outcome is brought on by enemies, poor some unexpected deficiency in the hero.

his special love; the unfortunate

conditions, bad luck,- or

The

tragic story has a different character.

extraordinary virtue and

skill in

a noble quest.

Its

He

is

hero

is

engaged with

defeated in this quest.

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

226

The

defeat

above

due

is

in part to

from an internal

all

part of the heroic striving.

two

flaw, a quality of character that

The

is

them

is

an

it

stems

intrinsic

flaw usually involves hubris (arrogance, ego

sides of the

same heroic

But genuine tragedy does not end

coin.

simply in defeat. Although the hero does not attain his

he

but

difficulties,

omnipotence) and destructiveness. The nobility and the defect

inflation,

are

formidable external

initial aspirations,

ultimately victorious: he confronts his profound inner faults, accepts

and of humanity, and

as part of himself

formed

into a nobler person.

The

to

is

some degree

trans-

personal transformation outweighs the

worldly defeat and suffering. Shakespeare's King Lear

King Lear voluntarily

is

one of the great

tragic stories in

our

literature.

up the throne: he seeks to relinquish

gives

his

monarchical and paternal power, hand on his legacy to the next generation,

and begin a new

life.

The

quest

Lear's failure

fails.

and

his final trans-

common source in his tragic flaws. He wants to give up keep it. He is unable to bestow his legacy and blessing upon

formation have a

power— and

to

because his paternal love

his daughters sistic

is

too tarnished by pride and narcis-

self-indulgence.

His two older daughters, like him, are power. They

him and

flatter

less interested in

daughter, Cordelia, will say only that she loves ing. After the succession, the

war and invasion. Caught

becomes sane is

as

at last ready to

The

he

gives her noth-

He

civil

Lear goes mad, and in the process

reconciled with the loving Cordelia and

is

be a parent and person

engulfing power of

him— and

ascending forces of destruction lead to

in the^ chaos,

never before.

love than in

receive the royal inheritance. His youngest

human

in the

most

destructiveness

life-affirming sense.

is

stated in the follow-

ing lines If that the

heavens do not their visible

Send quickly down

to

tame these

spirits

vile offences,

come,

It will

Humanity must perforce prey on

itself,

Like monsters of the deep.

The

"heavenly

spirits"

are not metaphysical.

forces within every psyche which,

the inner "monsters of the deep." Cordelia. She of love

women. flaw,

and

is

the

spirit of

forgiveness.

and

They

But these

are represented in the play

by

qualities exist not solely in her, or in

his reconciliation with her is

are the creative

imagination, the feminine principle, the source

Lear's early rejection of her

His victory

They

developed' sufficiently, can transform

if

the discovery of this

is is

a crucial expression of his tragic

the basis for his ultimate victory.

spirit

within himself. As he becomes

:

Mid-life Individuation:

and

able to recognize

moderate

The Other

integrate the Cordelia in his

his destructive, power-seeking, narrowly

At the end, Lear welcomes the prospect Come,

let's

We two alone will sing like birds

away

i'

own

Polarities

227

psyche, he can

masculine desires.

of imprisonment with Cordelia

to prison;

the cage.

When thou dost ask me blessing, I'll kneel down And ask oi thee forgiveness. So we'll live, And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh At gilded

butterflies

And

take

upon

As

we were God's

if

the mystery oi things.

's

spies:

and

we'll

wear out,

In a wall'd prison, packs and sects of great ones

That ebb and flow by

The

th'

moon.

"packs and sects of great ones/That ebb and flow by the

are the groups that split

humanity into warring

forces in collective life that

make

sects.

They

for destructive antagonisms,

forces in the self that propel each of us toward these ends.

terbalanced by the forces of love, play, reconciliation.

it

The

cannot be

fully realized

speare himself. Plays such as King Lear and

and middle

Even

as

is

balancing of

exemplified by Shake-

The Tempest,

written in his

represent the highest flowering of his genius.

forties,

he wrote of King Lear's voluntary retirement from the throne, and

of Prosperous retirement from his rule of the magic

own

contemplating his

up writing It is

in his late

Shakespeare was

isle,

voluntary retirement from the magic world of

power struggles of the commercial forties and died at 52.

writing and from the

theater.

He

gave

almost too painful to contemplate what further flowering Shake-

speare might have fifties

The

and the are coun-

there— or ever.

reworking of destructiveness at mid-life

early

They

can advance significantly in middle adulthood,

these opposing forces

though

moon"

represent the

and beyond.

come

He

had he been able to continue writing in his wrote King Lear and The Tempest during his Midto,

own conflicts between destruction and At this point power and love seemed totally antithetical to him. To seek and wield power was destructive, vain, illusory. To be loving,

life

Transition, in the heat of his

creation.

especially with daughters,

was to be joyous, blessed, forgiven, engaged in

"the mystery of things/' In his plays, as in his personal resolve the conflict

world of love. This

life,

he sought to

by renouncing power entirely and entering a quiet is

not really a solution. Lear dies before he can

newfound wisdom, and The Tempest conveniently ends the sea journey that will lead to his

as

test his

Prospero begins

new life.

Unfortunately, Shakespeare himself was not far enough into middle

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

228

adulthood to have made

much

not to

is

sponsibilities, or to try vainly to free oneself

from worldly

retire early

from

re-

passion and destruc-

all

but to seek a new balance of power and

tiveness,

The

progress in resolving this conflict.

great developmental task of this era

love.

It

is

critically

important, both to society and to the individual in middle adulthood, that

he accept the burdens and the pleasure of exercise authority with

he learn to

responsibility, that

some wisdom and compassion, and

that

he

tolerate

the guilt and pain that are the price of the self-conscious use of power.

Examining the

lives of several

hundred

many

artists in

and

countries

go through a mid-life

historical epochs, Jaques concludes that all artists

They become more aware of their mortality and must face their destructiveness more directly. Some men terminate their artistic careers crisis.

during this time. Those

who

continue their

work

artistic

in

middle adult-

hood, perhaps after a fallow period of several years, undergo a change

from what Jaques

calls

'precipitate" to "sculpted" creativity.

work, while not necessarily better in universal. It reflects the

all

respects,

The

latter

more profound and

is

developmental changes that begin with the Mid-

Transition.

life

If artists

talents

exhibit creativity in

its

most dramatic forms, men with other

demonstrate their individual modes of creativity

as they

The

resolve the great polarities of mid-life development.

begin to

not

result does

have to be a remarkable painting, symphony or novel. Creation takes myriad forms— products of enterprises.

comes

Whatever

in part

from an

from

its

his

all

kinds, relationships, imaginative acts, social

form, a man's

new

own

middle adulthood

distinctions

will use

between male and female, masculine and feminine, are

them.

The

then a woman.

me

briefly state their

meanings

as

terms "male" and "female" refer to biological genders.

A male is a boy in pre-adulthood, a man With few

in adulthood.

exceptions, every

human

A

female

being

is

a girl

and

starts life

with

A male

fetus

the biological potential to be a male or a female, but not both. will

and

destructiveness,

Polarity

"obvious" and yet often unclear. Let I

creativity in

intensification of the loving, life-affirming aspects of the self.

The Masculine/Feminine The

new

relationship to his

develop a reproductive system, musculature, and other biological fea-

men from women. The terms "masculine" and "feminine" refer to the meanings oi gender. They go beyond the purely biological to the social and psychological differtures that distinguish

The Other

Mid-life Individuation:

ences between male and female. In the course of our

229

Polarities

lives, all

of us receive

powerful messages regarding the fundamental differences between boys and

men and women. Images

girls,

tained in

The imagery

tutions.

and the feminine

of the masculine

ideologies, family patterns

all religions, political

though

exists in every society,

its

and

are con-

social insti-

content

specific

varies.

Every male selectively draws upon and adopts the gender images of his culture.

and

Gender

plays an important part in his relationships with

father, brothers

and other

figures

and

who

sisters,

male and female

mother

friends, teachers, lovers,

exist in reality or in his imagination.

Through the

experience with his mother, for example, a boy develops powerful feelings,

and conceptions regarding the feminine: the nurturing, good

fantasies

mother; the depriving, destructive mother; the

mother.

erotic, seductive

Out of these relationships he genwho represent the forms of masculin-

Likewise for father, siblings and others. erates ity

an internal cast of characters

and femininity that have

He

significance for him.

develops attitudes,

wishes and fantasies about the masculine and feminine in himself and

about linity

he

is

his relationships

with other

and femininity enter into man, who he wants

as a

men and women.

Feelings about mascu-

a man's gender identity— his sense of

to be,

and who he

is

terrified of being.

In most societies, there has been a splitting along gender lines: are masculine,

women

tion of masculinity certain religions cess.

are feminine,

and no one can be both. The

and femininity has been advocated

and philosophies, such

as

(Even here, the integration was seen

elite, chiefly

upper-class or monastic males,

who

as a spiritual goal

Buddhism, but with as achievable only

and only

men

integra-

by a small

after years of struggle.)

In the lives of most persons, and in the social institutions of almost societies, the splitting of

masculine and feminine has prevailed.

Two

and feminine, and dark, Yang and Yin— distinguish male from female.

thetical principles— variously identified as masculine

During the

last several

hundred

years, there has

There

in the ancient gender distinctions.

women same

now

are not categorically different

desires as

men and

can develop

is

by

rare suc-

all

anti-

light

been a slow reduction

a greater recognition

that

from men, that they have much the

much

the same

skills.

Women

are

allowed to be more "masculine" and to engage in certain traditionally

masculine pursuits, while

men

are permitted to

be more "feminine." None-

considerable splitting between masculine and feminine

theless,

a

exists in

our social institutions and our individual

yet clearly established the degree to

lives. Scientists

still

have not

which the various social-psychological

meanings of gender coincide with basic biological differences between males

and females.

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

23O

LIFE

The Masculine/Feminine polarity was of great importance to all the men in our study, though the specific content and conflicts varied enormously. Every man has his own gender identity. It is plain from their lives that the effort to attairr one's manhood is at its peak in early adulthood. As a young man starts making his way in the adult world, he wants to live in accord with the images, motives

and he tends

to his sense of masculinity,

aspects of his

self.

Any

and values that are most central

to neglect or repress the feminine

part of the self that he regards as feminine

experienced as dangerous.

A

young man struggling

to sustain his manliness

frightened by feelings and interests that seem womanly.

is

this anxiety

that

much

What

does

mean

it

to

One meaning

Masculine/Feminine

of femininity in a

man

that other forms are so tabooed

are far

is

is

that they are considered "signs" of uncon-

from

identical.

and personal

Many

homosexuals have strong masculine

qualities,

and many men who

heterosexual in their love lives have intense interests, deriving from feminine aspects of the

men— two

Five of our forty

homosexual

about them, and

One

his youth.

still

biologists

he was

are strongly

and

feelings

and three novelists— discussed seems

likely that a

few others

but were not ready to

interests

had homosexual

had had

biologist

When

others

traits

self.

activities or concerns. It

had had homosexual experiences or level.

feelings at a

homosexual

a period of extensive

in graduate school the

career only after he agreed to give

activity in

homosexuality was

They allowed him to continue up and enter psychotherapy. Over

it

next ten years he had several heterosexual love a year at age 29 to 30. his love life

was

When we

still

last

saw him,

through his interest in

age thirty

he decided on

on

his relationships

and

his

formed

commitment

at 39,

and was married

dis-

his

the for

he had not remarried

problematic. Another biologist entered a gay world

in his twenties, crisis,

affairs

talk

more unconscious

covered by the university authorities.

and

for

the form of femininity that

unadmitted homosexuality. Actually, femininity and homosexu-

identifications

their

personal quali-

polarity?

the most anxiety and moral outrage. Indeed, one of the main reasons

scious or ality

result of

homosexuality— the desire

is

a sexual relationship with another man. This elicits

What

be masculine or feminine?

are included within the

ties

One

of the self cannot be lived out or even experi-

in early adulthood.

enced

•

is

is

art

and

theater.

During a severe

own to obtain psychotherapy and work with men and women, his fears of his own creativity his

to biology as an occupation.

a satisfying marriage, started a family,

By

his late thirties

and entered a highly

he had creative

phase in his work. •

Another

set of qualities often associated

with manliness

is

bodily prow-

The Other

Mid-life Individuation:

and toughness— the stamina

ess

endure severe bodily

stress

undertake long, grueling work and

to

without "quitting." As opposed to

of masculinity, the feminine

is

conceived of as

attack, not having the bodily resources

toward valued

marine, the wrestler and the surgeon;

As we have

meaning

this

weak, vulnerable to

frail,

needed to sustain a persistent

goals. Masculinity in this sense

various occupations.

231

Polarities

we found many

seen, this

effort

often symbolized by the

is

other forms in the

image of masculinity was of

great importance to Jim Tracy as athletic boy, youthful military officer

young executive. The

rising

expressing a similar imagery in his

and

and

John Barnes (see Chapter 17) was involvement in hockey, skiing and sailing,

biologist

in his sense of himself as the indefatigable scientist

who

could spend

endless hours in the laboratory without complaining or giving up.

The

novelists

were more aware of the

draw upon

sidered feminine, but they could conflict.

They were by no means

sides of themselves they con-

free of the

it

only with considerable

"machismo" masculinity

usually

attributed to other occupations. Six of our ten novelists had a strong con-

cern with bodily endurance and prowess.

Some

had served

of these

military, trying desperately to prove themselves as

men

in the

combat and

in

having to overcome fears which they regarded as cowardly, shameful— and feminine.

Many had

and

a lifelong interest, as participants

competitive sports such as football, basketball and boxing. say whether they were

bodily •

It

A is

skill,

more

Nobel

This theme

was hard to

by the

meaning of masculinity involves achievement and ambition.

portrayed by the heroic

woman

It

attracted by the competitive aspect or

endurance and power.

related

Grail, the

spectators, in

is

man on

a quest for a treasure,

be

it

the Holy

Great American Novel or the Executive Suite.

Prize, the

related to the traditional division of labor in the family.

The

has been primarily responsible for raising the children, managing

the household and other work that keeps her within the domestic orbit.

The

man, on the other hand, has been the primary link between family and community. He has had the ultimate authority. His primary responsibility, carried out through his occupation,

well-being and

community

increasing separation of family steadily

more important

is

and occupation, a man's work has become

as the basis for his contribution to

for his self-esteem as husband, father

The

to provide for the family's material

standing. In the last few centuries, with the

division of labor

the family and

and person.

between husband and wife

aspect of the Masculine/Feminine polarity.

The

intensifies

another

qualities regarded as

mas-

culine involve success in work, getting ahead, earning one's fortune for

the sake of

self

and family. The

qualities regarded as

feminine involve

building the nest and ministering to the multiple needs of husband and

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

232

LIFE

The feminine woman

children.

her husband's advancement.

is

who

the devoted wife

she has a job,

If

as

it is

tries to

further

an unmarried

woman

seeking a husband, or in an occupation such as teaching or nursing where

she

appropriately maternal, subordinate and non-competitive with

is

To

man

the extent that a

own and

kinds of work, he must deal with his thing

missing in

is

him

as a

and 18).

Similarly,

stemmed

his

from

partly

its

difficulty

work was giving

in

and

painful feelings,

some-

feminine meanings

Namson

his career as

a vehicle for his masculine

writing

to

novels

as a creative, esthetic activity: it

came out

of his

own

was considered "queer" in several respects within

it

We

and business world.

find another version of this polarity in

Paulsen (see Chapters 8 and 18), the worker

Bill

of Paul

life

himself

no immediately useful product,

writing yielded

his family

the

in

was hard for him to give up

It

business executive, partly because this strivings.

others' feelings that

man.

This conflict played an important part (see Chapters 12

men.

has these "feminine" qualities or engages in these

who

Becoming

to enter the managerial ranks of industry.

a

sought desperately

manager represented

in part a validation of his manliness. His self-deceptive "puffery"

was

a

way

of handling the anxiety that he did not quite measure up, that he was

doomed

forever to remain with

joining the •

men who

The concern

the "girls" on the shop floor rather than

run the show.

with power and weakness

Masculine/Feminine

polarity.

is

yet another facet of the

For many men, the essence of masculinity

is

power: exercising control over- others, being (and being recognized as) a person of strong

symbolized

will, a leader

as feminine,

victimization by others exploitively.

is

to

who

"gets things done."

The

opposite pole,

be weak, submissive, unassertive, subject to

who have more power and

are ready to use

This version of the masculine and feminine

in terms of social relationships, of the

is

it

the analogue,

concern with bodily toughness-frailty

noted above.

When the splitting of power and weakness takes an extreme form, a man regards any sign of weakness in himself as intolerably feminine ous.

He

goes to great lengths to deny

ened by every sign of biological and

most marked form of line

on

this

theme

Finally, the

tinction

social decline at mid-life.

is

Masculine/ Feminine polarity

logical

intellectual, cooler,

feeh'ng. It

interested in

how

supposed to be more emotional and

is

height-

in all

men.

often reflected in the

women— more

things work.

intuitive,

more

dis-

men

are

analytical

and

often assumed that

is

and "reasonable" than

more

is

Perhaps the

the authoritarian personality. Vari-

be found, however,

between thinking and

by nature more are

are to

and danger-

existence. His anxiety

with excessive overvaluation of the mascu-

and anxiety about the feminine,

ations •

splitting,

its

Women

likely to

in turn

make

de-

The Other

Mid-life Individuation:

cisions

on the

basis of feelings rather

of masculine and feminine linity to skilled

thinking machine.

emotional needs of children and husband.

for the

this polarization requires a

extreme form,

its

than careful analysis. This definition

part of the broader pattern that ties mascu-

in a specialized occupational structure, femininity to

work

motherhood and caring In

is

233

Polarities

To be

He

occupation in a highly impersonal way.

man

be

to

a

kind of

he must devote himself to

truly masculine,

his

can allow himself a narrow

range of "manly" feelings relating to assertiveness, rivalry and task attain-

ment. But he

is

not permitted feelings that involve dependency, intimacy,

grief, sensuality, vulnerability.

feelings are associated with childish-

Such

and femininity. Within our study, the men who

ness

most highly

specialized

in thinking at

the expense of feeling were the biologists. For the most part, they were not

involved in the power-seeking, "macho" forms of masculinity.

compete

for political

power or

financial success or sexual conquest. But,

despite their often gentle manner, they

competed

the intellect. Trying to establish themselves in the science, they

showed no mercy

one, including themselves,

They did not

and

to their rivals

who might

to

fail

the realm of

fiercely in "first

felt

make

it.

rank" of biological

contempt

for every-

James Watson, win-

ner of the Nobel Prize for his part in discovering the structure of the

Helix.

The

philosopher Bertrand Russell wrote of his

of this pattern (see in

Chapter 2). John Barnes

is

own

DNA

The Double

molecule, has vividly described the competition in his book

efforts to get

out

but one of the biologists

our study whose one-sided commitment to the battle for intellectual

supremacy was accompanied by an alienation from feeling and aspects of the self that

he experienced

as feminine. In

all

other

Chapter 17 we

shall

witness the strength of this polarization in his early adulthood, and the efforts If

he made to reduce

we

it

in the Mid-life Transition.

look at the entire set of qualities just described,

a multifaceted pattern of masculinity in opposition to a

pattern of femininity.

A

unifying

theme

concern with doing, making, having.

in the

A man

is

we

discover

complementary

masculine pattern

is

a

supposed to get out there

and do something: perform, accomplish, produce, bring home the bacon. If his body is a vehicle for demonstrating his masculinity, he tries to acquire special strength, endurance, sexual

mind

is

virility,

athletic prowess. If his

the preferred vehicle, he uses thought as a weapon in the struggle

to win, to outmuscle his

rivals,

be

it

the arena, he wants to establish his place in the world of

men.

He

thoritative

Whatever work and of

in science, art or chess.

wants to become a productive, independent, responsible, au-

man who

has the mental and bodily capacities needed to attain

his goals.

The feminine

is

at the opposite pole.

To be

feminine

is

to lack bodily

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

234

LIFE

more concerned with

strength and stamina, to be

A woman may

thought.

be clever

expected to be consistently to analyze a

view,

that leads

to experience great depth of feeling, to

Perhaps the ultimate difference

be

is

imagery, the masculine form of creation it

work

difficult

him

to

be

task, or

and dependent,

soft

to accept second best rather than fight for the top. It

ing

than with

letting her feelings get in the way. In this

man

the feminine in a

it is

with a

logical, to stay

problem without

feeling

feminine way, but she can't be

in a

is

feminine of him

"sensitive," submissive, esthetic.

in is

the ways of creating. In this to produce

something by mak-

own design: planning, molding, erecting, transinto a new product. The specifically masculine form

according to one's

forming raw materials of creation

is

to build a bridge, invent a mousetrap, improve the design

The feminine form a sense, a woman

of a car.

dren. In

represented by conceiving and raising chil-

is

creates

an embryo, an infant and an adult.

But she does not "make" the child grow. Rather, she enables it to grow, this best when she accommodates to the inner laws of growth

and she does that govern

its

evolution.

Artistic creation

is

strongly feminine in this respect.

The

painter,

com-

poser or writer often has the experience of starting with a rudimentary

image or that

idea.

being pregnant: he has within himself a seed

like

It is

must be nurtured, given

When

female.

birth to, brought into being.

a youthful artist

The muses

are

cannot accept the creative-feminine

as

may imagine it as a muse inspiring his creative efforts. In middle adulthood he may become more accepting of the feminine, and allow the muse to be an intrinsic part of himself. This is a task of part of himself, he

the Mid-life Transition.

As

have

I

said,

young men

differ

widely in the relative predominance

of the masculine over the feminine

and

nine must be inhibited or

from the conscious ego.

be almost feminine.

entirely cut off

He

power

a

his

it

will it

be narrowly

will

A man may

exclude

masculine

his

No

seeker of

matter what vehicle he

in accord with his masculine

all

own weakHe may

strivings.

military hero, an ambitious

or of intellectual accomplishment.

and

which the femi-

no intimacy, no awareness of

no deviation from

a fearless adventurer,

fashions, values,

in the degree to

from the aspects of himself that he considers

allows himself

ness or dependency,

become

split off

imagery and

feminine qualities except those that are

expressed unconsciously.

A man who

is

afflicted

with this exaggerated masculinity

responsible father, but his children will experience tant

and demanding.

not both.

To him

He

will regard

women

him

as either

may be

a

as unloving, dis-

maternal or sexual;

the former are devoted mothers and wives but are

The Other

Mid-life Individuation:

sexually unexciting.

The

good

latter are

to have an intimate,

very

little

does not wish to

He

course, the splitting

or lover often tionship. ings, the

cannot have a friendship with a woman.

know any woman

himself well— especially the

Of

He puts He is contemptuous of the woman on a pedestal, but he is

puts the virtuous

emotionally close to neither.

He

not possible for this

mutual relationship with a woman.

of himself into any relationship.

woman and he

sexual

is

235

and fun, but

for sexual conquest

horrifying as mother, wife, sister or daughter. It

man

Polarities

work out

is

well because he

is

know

afraid to

masculine aspects of himself.

less

usually not so severe.

A man

and

his wife

a psychological "division of labor" in their rela-

The man is primarily responsible for certain interests and feelwoman for others. They establish a modus operandi in which the complement the weaknesses

strengths of one

of the other. Usually, his

special functions involve the qualities considered masculine, hers, femi-

nine.

There may

also

be interesting

cooking or the sharing of feelings, or

he

in occupation.

A ness.

complementarity of

this

While each partner

cover a wide range of

form a whole person.

is

kind

when he has an interest when she is more involved than

reversals, as

in

is

both strength and weak-

a source of

some respects, between them they and modes of living. Together, they

lacking in

skills,

feelings

A man may

relationship, as

he

relies

one-sided.

With

The same

is

in degree, the

and

values.

No

matter

how much

traditionally

great majority of

men

ness

of great importance to him.

still

so,

greater priority to the masculine as

but he cannot

difficulty in integrating

hood has many of adolescence;

he

is

A

strives to take his place in

it

to

feel

some

he understands

some

anxiety about

degree.

it.

He

He must

give

can make room

fully integrate the two.

the masculine and feminine in early adult-

sources. It stems partly

from personal immaturity.

He

he must

the feminine and must control or repress

for the feminine,

young man wants to grow

a

narrow view of masculinity, the idea of manli-

the world as a male adult. In doing

The

gender distinctions oper-

The

adulthood form an identity suffused with "masculine" images,

beyond the is

of the

and a good

true for her.

ate with great force in contemporary society.

desires

time,

he may come to accept and develop these qualities. As long on her to supply them, however, he remains incomplete and

Although there are variations in early

many

thus derive from his wife

feminine qualities he cannot nourish in himself.

young man

from cultural in his twenties

traditions, partly is

just barely

not developmentally ready to resolve

adult conflicts and achieve a highly integrated personality.

with what he's got," which means building a

first

adult

life

He

all ha.*

out

his pre-

to

"go

structure that

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

236

reflects

and

sustains his inner conflicts.

The

also from the magnitude of his evolving thirties his energies are

difficulty in integration

stems

In the twenties and

life tasks.

devoted to forming an occupation and a family.

Ordinarily he must meet heavy financial demands, pursue his goals, and face the stresses of day-to-day living.

There are

also biological reasons for

the usual predominance of the masculine over the feminine

among men

in early adulthood.

In short, a culine

man

normally works out a partial integration of the mas-

and feminine

in the late teens

He may

early adulthood.

and

early twenties, at the start of

resolve the conflicts further during the

Thirty Transition. During the phase of Becoming One's his late thirties, there

to achieve a

more

is

senior,

Age

Own Man,

in

a surge of masculine strivings, an intense effort

"manly" position

strength of the "little boy" in the

self.

in the

world and to reduce the

Most men

get to the late thirties

with roughly the same balance of masculine and feminine they had in

The

the early twenties.

Mid-life Transition

is

the next major develop-

mental opportunity to reintegrate the Masculine/Feminine

Developmental Gains

in

polarity.

Middle Adulthood

In the Mid-life Transition the balance

may

be improved. This

finally

is

not simply a matter of a quantitative drop in the strength of the masculine emphasis,

come

and an increase

new

qualitatively

new ways with

to terms in

femininity.

A man

typal figures in his

must form

required

is

life

structure

structure, the feminine will

task

is is

a

to

the basic meanings of masculinity and

new

a

What

The developmental

relationship to the various arche-

head that represent maleness and femaleness.

modify the existing

new

in the feminine.

integration of the two.

and work toward

have a larger and

a

new

He must

one. In this

freer part.

The mascu-

line may be reduced in some ways, but it may also gain fuller expression when one is less constrained by the need to inhibit the feminine. Finally, when masculine and feminine are less rigidly divided within the self, a man can combine them more creatively in work, in personal relationships,

in solitude

and

This change to the figure of

in his personal experience of living.

may

involve a man's relationship to his mother, especially

mother within

mally carries within himself a in a

complex

relationship.

his psyche.

little

boy and

In early adulthood he nora

The mother may be

mother who symbolized

are engaged

as a

powerful

enemy who can deprive, who may abandon him or

source of care and protection; as a powerful

smother and destroy him; leave

him open

to assault

as a

weak

figure

from a vengeful

father;

and so on and on. In

The Other

Mid-life Individuation:

the Mid-life Transition a

and

He

anxieties.

is

devour and seduce.

man

then

He

can partially free himself from these images

less

woman

with a

woman's power

afraid of a

to withhold,

can give more of himself, receive more from her,

and accept her greater independence. tively

237

Polarities

or to

work

He

more ready

is

work

to

collabora-

under her without

as a subordinate

feel-

ing emasculated. Similar processes are involved in his efforts to free himself

from the tyranny of internal fathers who make

become more manly and

to

him

difficult for

it

to utilize the feminine.

Likewise, the Mid-life Transition opens the possibility for change in

women. In

the character of a man's love iehtionships with peer

man wants

adulthood, a

a special

woman

numerous

to a large extent lacks within himself. This pattern, with

been the traditional

tions, has

A man

varia-

basis for stable family life in early adult-

hood. In middle adulthood, however, necessary nor desirable.

early

he needs but

to provide things

can

this

now

division

of labor

neither

is

reclaim the qualities he formerly

denied in himself and projected onto women.

He

can begin to recognize

that various archetypal figures— the inspiring muse, the tender lover, the

one who nurtures the young— are

growth and use

them, love them, and integrate them within

more able

to love a

he cannot accept

The life also

woman

if

he

his life.

will

He

for herself, rather than, for providing

makes

easier

it

mentor

a

some

of an adult.

and more rewarding to become

in a fuller sense until the forties.

of the

mentor.

a

A

and

make the

will

as a fully

is

hard to

novice or junior a child,

and developmental

he

will

but he

capabilities If

he

be overly giving or con-

relationship too unequal.

On

the other hand,

developed adult, he will be of help in certain

specific respects (such as providing

information or job opportunities) but

not grasp and respond to the younger man's developmental needs.

With is

it

A man

"good enough" mentor must; take account of both.

he regards him will

A

dependency and incompleteness of

regards His protege primarily as a child,

he

what

in himself.

also has the independence, inner resources

if

then be

further integration of the Masculine/Feminine polarity at mid-

adult has

trolling

in-

acknowledge will

can serve various mentor functions in early adulthood, but

become

These

in actuality parts of himself.

ternal figures are capable of further

greater resolution of the

better able to

Masculine/Feminine

combine the multiple aspects

can be more caring for a younger

man

polarity, a

man He

of the mentoring role.

without getting anxious about the

homosexual meanings that are actually involved or that may be attributed to

him by

others.

Not having

to maintain a rigid division

(thinking, performing, achieving) ing, fostering

between work

and personal relationships

(loving, car-

development), he can combine work and friendship

in vari-

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

238

He can be more critical and task-oriented in personal more compassionate and judicious in the exercise of authority. As his needs for power and success are modulated, he can give of himself with less competitive rivalry, envy and fear of being surpassed. As ous admixtures. relationships,

his sense of his

own development

strengthened, he can better under-

is

stand and support the development of other adults.

The work on

this polarity also enables a

man

to have

men woman is the man she

mentoring relationships with women. Very few

more developed

usually

and occupational

works

in the social

ment

to his position

than

scale

may be

entirely closed to her.

much for;

men do

The

a

in-

is

major-

not form serious friendships or non-romantic relationships

with women. Being a woman's mentor

man in early woman who is his If

lower

advance-

Much more

volved, however, than social distance or lack of opportunity. ity of

adulthood

in early

have female protegees. In the work world, a

a

is

hardly imaginable to

many men.

adulthood does begin a mentoring relationship with student, subordinate or friend, he tends to shape

it

to suit his masculine orientation. Seeing her as a bright student or worker,

he may emphasize her

intellect

regard his female student as a well but cannot

smart

girl

hope ever

to

man; she has no

to raise their family

abilities

to the exclusion of other

Or he may paternalistically charming little girl who does her lessons grow up and do a man's work. Daddy's

up to be the

traditionally grows

a successful

and

her femininity.

personal qualities, including

intelligent, cultured wife of

occupation of her own, but she works hard

and promote

advancement.

his

If

she enters a highly

masculine work world (such as law, medicine or business), a find herself

and

becoming "one of the men," with

all

woman may

their masculine strengths

limitations. Exaggerated masculinity can distort the personal devel-

of women as much as of men. The male mentor may discover that his protegee is an attractive woman. He may then offer limited mentoring largely as justification for a sexual

opment

mentoring

relationship; this kind of tate her development. In

some

is

fraudulent and not likely to

cases they

facili-

form a complex relationship

The value of these lovingThe woman may gain a good deal and occupational development, though she may

that has sexual, loving and mentoring aspects.

mentoring relationships

varies greatly.

in terms of her personal also

long.

be badly hurt.

By

its

modest friendship serious

It

is

hard to combine mentoring and romance for

nature, mentoring almost invariably ends in separation or

romance

is

after a

few

years,

whereas the preferred outcome of a

an enduring, equal relationship in marriage.

If

mentoring couple do marry, they have the advantage of considerable

the in-

timacy but they are faced with the problem of transforming the relationship to eliminate the mentoring.

A

husband cannot remain

his wife's

Mid-life Individuation:

The Other

239

Polarities

mentor. Like anyone in the recipient position, she must in time grow up

and go out on her own, or her development will be impaired. Fuller integration of the Masculine/Feminine polarity enables to

mentor younger women with

He

and sexual needs.

values

a

can appreciate a woman's feminine qualities

without having to deny or exploit them. As he seeks to develop his feminine

He

side,

own

he can learn from her and have a more equal relationship. without having

freer to enjoy the erotic aspects of their relationship

is

man

hurtful intrusion of his masculine

less

to be directly sexual. His efforts at integration offer her a

own

source of moral support for her

efforts to

model and

be a person who

is

a

both

feminine and achieving. Mid-life struggles with the Masculine/Feminine polarity— and their

frequently mixed success— are evident in the lives of

we

biographies in

some

are presenting. In the following chapters

men

detail the lives of these

four

all

we

men whose examine

shall

in the Mid-life Transition

and

its

aftermath.

The Attachment/Separateness

We

Polarity

use the term "attachment*' in the broadest sense, in order to en-

compass

all

attached

is

the forces that connect person and environment. to

Attachment

be engaged, involved, needy, plugged

in this sense

and takes many forms. that

I

care about

it,

hate

it,

many

want to obtain what

feelings

My

tached

when

I

am

sources

it offers,

find

it

interest-

inner readiness to be attached

and motives— dependency,

gression, ambition, affection, envy.

engagement by being

many

attached to the external world to the extent

ing or confusing or frightening.

strengthened by

To be

seeking, rooted.

a general condition that has

is

am

I

in,

The environment

too

sexuality,

may

elicit

exciting, challenging, hostile, depriving. I

is

ag-

my

am

at-

trying to adapt to, participate in or master the external

world.

At the opposite pole isolation or aloneness.

is

A

separateness. This

person

who

is

is

not the same thing as

alone, yet actively involved in

planning a future activity or in feeling resentful over a past rejection, nonetheless firmly attached to the external world.

when he

is

primarily involved in his inner

fantasy, play. His

main

interest

outside, but in constructing

closed world of his inner

is

A

person

world— a world

is

is

separate

of imagination,

not in adapting to the "real" world

and exploring an imagined world, the en-

self.

Separateness fosters individual growth and creative adaptation, though

it

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

24O

when

can be harmful

carried to

an extreme. The most pathological

represented by the schizophrenic person whose and who has only minimal relationships to people the environment. A more "healthy" form of extreme sepa-

form of separateness world

LIFE

is

totally private

is

and objects rateness

in

meditation and reverie, in which the person temporarily with-

is

draws attention from the environment and

A

experience.

The

in play.

between play in

though

it

The is

and is

he has

entirely occupied with inner

is

extreme example of separateness

the child absorbed

is

play goes on, as Winnicott has told us, at the boundary

"reality"

characters

The

less

and

The

"illusion."

child creates a setting, a cast of

a scenario depicting his imagined possibilities for living.

for the self:

it

allows the child to explore

mind for the future. may prepare him for

It is of

who he

is

and what

direct value in the world, al-

later adaptation.

composer

professional novelist or

involved with his

no

work

at

is

separate in that he

drawing upon his inner resources and trying to

self,

create a product that will be esthetically pleasing to himself. Since the

writing of words or music tion of attachment.

He

to a certain audience

is

is

part of his occupation,

he

also in a condi-

is

trying to create a product that will be pleasing

and that

him an income and

will provide

reputa-

tion.

The

creative artist thus works

and separateness.

He

on the boundary between attachment

sees himself as part of

humanity, and he cares about

the fate of his products in the future of humanity. Art

Through

he participates

it,

in society

and

is

is

his occupation.

attached to society.

To be

however, he must maintain some degree of separateness. His work must express and please himself, must be true to his own vision. Although his techniques and products are shaped by various external pressures, their ultimate source is within himself. If he cannot withdraw sufficiently creative,

from the engagement with others and draw upon sources, his

work

Persons of

all

become

will

ages

Separateness polarity.

world

is

lost

his

own

creative re-

and unconnected to the

self.

and occupations must deal with the Attachment/ If-

we become

and our capacity

attached to the environment,

growth and creative

repetitive, dry

effort.

rateness must be found

too separate, our contact with the

for survival jeopardized. If

we endanger our

we become

Although a balance of attachment and

at every age,

it

too

capacity for self-renewal,

will necessarily

sepa-

change from one

era of the life cycle to the next.

In pre-adulthood the child his

is

developing an ego capable of managing

powerful drives and using them for socially constructive purposes.

The

emotional forces of attachment must be harnessed in the service of adaptation.

The

child has to form stable relationships, acquire information

and

Mid-life Individuation:

and mature

skills,

where he can begin

to the point

independent adult.

With "good enough"

Polarities

241

living as a relatively

conditions of development, he

and character

acquires the learning, values

The Other

traits

required for adaptation

within his culture. Nonetheless, the forces of imagination and fantasy

some degree of separateness from the external him to nourish his creativity, sustain his individuality and develop his inner Dream. He must be attached enough to make a place for himself in society; but he must be separate enough to be able to strike out on his own, question the traditional forms, and enable

him

to maintain

world.

The

separateness allows

make

life

better for himself

and

others.

In early adulthood the balance ordinarily shifts markedly toward

at-

tachment at the expense of separateness. During the twenties and thirties, a

man

work

is

tremendously involved in entering the adult world and doing his

for the tribe.

He

forms a family and occupation, and accepts a

ries of increasing responsibilities (each step usually

quite ready to take

He must

it).

cope

coming before he

seis

with the stresses of financial hard-

ship, changes in residence, illness, death, war, depression, natural disaster

and

God."

"acts of

It is difficult

to find time for separateness— for soli-

tude, play and quiet self -renewal. Separateness

is

made

difficult partly

by

must be paid, the children cared for, the met. There are also the internal urgencies: establish his niche in society, attain his goals, become a hero. "make something of his life," and the tribe insists that he

external urgencies: the rent

work accomplished, the he wants to

He

tries to

crises

pay his dues. Between the internal push and the external

pull,

the Attach-

ment/ Separateness balance tilts strongly in the direction of attachment. Middle adulthood requires a more equal weighting of attachment and separateness.

During the Mid-life Transition, a

man

needs to reduce his

To do the work of reappraisal He has to discover what his He wants to find and lick his

heavy involvement in the external world.

and de-illusionment, he must turn inward. turmoil

is

about, and where he hurts.

wounds. Having been overly engaged to

become more engaged with

takes

on greater

someone

figure, to.

The

really

He

Self

want?

is

is

definition

and

man

the "I" a

do

I

feel

has in

about

my

living are in certain crucial respects

life?

How

shall

I

live in

not right for the

separate himself from the striving ego

To

becomes a more active internal must learn to talk with and listen mind when he asks, "What do I

vitality. It

feeling, in effect, that his present relationships, goals

he can better hear the

voices

the extent that a

man

he needs

himself. In this period the archetypal Self

that the conscious ego

How

in his worldly struggles,

and the external

Self.

the future?"

and

He

style of

needs to

pressures, so that

from within. succeeds in this task during middle adult-

THE SEASONS OF A

242

MAN S

LIFE

hood, the Self acquires an importance for him roughly equal to that of

He

the external world.

can draw more upon his inner resources and

dependent on external stimulation.

He

enjoys solitude more,

thus

less

since

he has internal company when other persons are absent.

value on possessions, rewards and social approval.

less

is

He

He

lives

places

more

in

the present and gains more satisfaction from the process of living— from

More

being rather than doing and having.

he can be more

As

man becomes more

a

touch with his

in

own

feelings,

esthetic, sensual, aware.

individuated and

a process of "detribalization" occurs.

more oriented

He becomes more

to the Self, of the

critical

tribe— the particular groups, institutions and traditions that have the greatest significance for

He

is

ues,

him, the

dependent upon

less

more able

which he is most attached. more questioning of tribal val-

social matrix to

tribal rewards,

to look at life

from a

universalistic perspective.

He

can

better appreciate his social origins without having to disparage other peoples

and

cultures.

Having

groups, he

is

away from

his origins,

He may

less

need to

and

idealize certain individuals

condemn others. If as a young man he broke he may now attempt someiorm of rapprochement.

inclined to

less

feel that

he was cheated or done

in

by the

tribe during early

may go through a stormy period when, like Job, he rages tribal God. To the extent that he resolves these conflicts, he

adulthood, and against the

can

move toward

a broader, less dependent perspective.

good and

universal view of

ence in himself and in

all

evil,

and a more

humanity. His

forms a more

tragic sense of their coexist-

spirituality

of an explicit religious doctrine, but often

He

he

may

take the form

tries to free

himself from

formal doctrine in order to attain a personal understanding of what

means

to

The less

be human.

turning inward and the detribalization are part of the shift toward

attachment.

The

result of this shift

gagement from the external world but

and separateness. to

End

it

A

A man who

normally not a marked disen-

major developmental task of middle adulthood

a better balance

society.

is

a greater integration of attachment

between the needs of the

attends

more

to the

self,

self

is

and the needs of

who becomes

less

tyran-

nized by his ambitions, dependencies and passions, can be involved with other individuals and perform his social roles in a more responsible

than ever before. his offspring self is

He

and other young adults

and responding to

less

way

can respond more to the developmental needs of

its

needs.

if

He

he

is

more

in

touch with his

can develop greater wisdom

focused upon the acquisition of specific

skills,

own if

he

knowledge and

rewards.

In order to care more deeply for others, he must

come

to care

more

Mid-life Individuation:

deeply for himself. Caring means that he

is

The Other

Polarities

243

mainly concerned not with

material comfort and success, but with self-development and integrity.

means that he will exercise authority with greater imagination and It means that, while he enjoys the power and the tangible he gains even greater satisfaction from creating a leadership, of rewards legacy, enjoying the intrinsic pleasures of work and having more individIt

compassion.

ualized, loving relationships.

A man

in early

adulthood

is

full

of intense desires: to win, to

be

Dream, to be highly regarded by those who matter (or, perhaps without admitting it, by everyone). With further development in middle adulthood, some of these desires fade away. Those that remain have a less urgent quality. They can also be realized more right, to achieve the noble

He

fully.

can be more loving, sensual, authoritative, intimate, solitary-

more attached and more

separate.

Conclusion he

If

is

to

make

pation, leisure

come more

significant mid-life changes in love relationships, occu-

and other important aspects of

individuated.

He must

basic divisions in the individual tal

a

and

his life, a

man must

be-

confront the great polarities that are in society. In successive

developmen-

periods from infancy through old age, especially the major transitions,

man

Though he

has an opportunity to reduce the internal splitting.

can never entirely overcome the divisions, he finds new ways of being Young/Old, Masculine/Feminine, Destructive/Creative and Attached/ Separate, according to his place in the life cycle.

Some men have early adulthood,

suffered such irreparable defeats in pre-adulthood or

and have been able to work so little on the tasks of the and outer resources for creat-

Mid-life Transition, that they lack the inner

ing a minimally adequate

life

middle age of constriction and decline. Other that

is

men

form a

life

face a

structure

reasonably viable in the world but poorly connected to the

They perform but their Still

They

structure in middle adulthood.

their social roles

lives are lacking in

other

men make

and do

their bit for themselves

and

self.

others,

inner excitement.

a start in the Mid-life Transition toward a mid-

dle adulthood that will have its own special satisfactions and burdens. For them, middle adulthood may be the most loving and creative season in

the

and

life cycle.

They

are less tyrannized

illusions of youth.

They

by the ambitions,

instinctual drives

are more deeply attached to others and yet

244

THE SEASONS OF A

more

separate,

its

MAN

LIFE

S

more centered

in the self.

For them, the season passes

in

proper rhythm.

The growth.

Mid-life Transition

Work on

is

not the

opportunity for change and

our developmental tasks can continue through middle

adulthood and beyond, and there are tate the process.

last

As long

later transitional periods to facili-

as life continues,

no period marks the end of

the opportunities and the burdens of further development.

r|^

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition

At the deepest level, a man's tasks in the Mid-life Transition are to work on the polarities that animate and divide him. This inner reintegration enables him to modify the life structure of the Settling Down period. In Chapter 13 we considered changes occurring in the domain of work: the meaning of success and failure and the place of a man's occupation in his life structure. I want now to discuss changes in three additional components of the life structure: the Dream, mentoring and fathering young adults, and marriage. In Chapter 18 we shall see how these

new

various modifications contribute to the formation of a in the ensuing period, Entering

structure

life

Middle Adulthood.

Modifying the Dream As a man attempts

in the Mid-life Transition to reappraise his life dur-

ing early adulthood, he

Dream

in

or left out?

If

coming One's

Most

tries to

understand and evaluate the place of the

In what ways has the

it.

Dream been

lived out,

there has been a "culminating event" at the end of Be-

Own Man,

of the

men

what consequences does

in our study

had

it

have for the Dream?

Dream. There were

a discernible

great variations, however, in the changing place of the

evolving

life

compromised

structure.

The Dream may be modest

Dream

in the

or heroic, vaguely

defined or crystal clear, a burning passion or a quiet guiding force, a source of inspiration, strength suit of the

Dream

and corrosive

conflict.

Some men make

the central element in the

everything else around

it.

life

structure

For other men, the pursuit of the Dream

continuing conflict with another occupation or way of flict

is

a

dominant motif

articulated

the pur-

and build

in their lives. Still other

living.

men

is

in

This con-

never form an

Dream.

The Dream grows

out of a primordial sense of self-in-world.

It

lends

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

246

excitement and

vitality to one's life. It

the experience that "I

ing:

matched, that

My

my

appropriate place in

my out,

my

and

self

my

world.

If I

is

Certain aspects of the

"If

this:

are conscious

attain the

I

live

it

meaning.

Dream and

Dream— if

illusory.

become

I

mixed

a

is

blessing.

But other

tied to reality.

and more

aspects are less conscious, less rational is

an

it

have no Dream or can find no way to

Dream

self.

legitimate and viable for both

Like most profoundly good things, the

lusion

feel-

properly

are

have a Dream and give

I

life— a place that

lacks genuine purpose or

life

and world

self

can be myself and can act in accordance with the

I

enriched to the extent that

life is

am"

associated with the "I

is

that

exist/'

The

central

il-

a great novelist or

make a special contribution to humanity or to my clan, if I gain great power— then life will be good and everything really important will come to me."

scientist,

if

I

For example, a young biologist wants to work university, to

investigator

do research

and

vate fantasies

professor.

and

and

in genetics,

Beyond

He

aspirations.

in

in a particular

however, he has other, more

this,

He

specific goals will bring all sorts of other rewards.

importance in his

field.

pri-

imagines that success in achieving the

a senior but a distinguished investigator, a historic

kind of

time to become a senior

Or he

Nobel

be not merely

will

laureate, a figure of

will achieve distinction at a

more

local level, through his contributions to the university or the community.

Whatever the

specific goals, reaching

them is— in John

— "the key to the treasure," the basis for the good

if

no

he

fails

to attain these goals his life will

be

life.

Barth's apt phrase

The

corollary

a total failure

is

that

and have

value.

The Dream aspirations

and

thus contains an imagined

self

having a variety of goals,

values, conscious as well as unconscious,

quest within a certain kind of world.

an imagined drama in which he engaged in a noble quest.

is

A

man's Dream

error,

his

myth,

complex world: a natural land-

scape, a varied cast of characters, social institutions

The

and pursuing

his personal

the central character, a would-be hero

portrays a

It

is

plot involves elemental struggles between

and

conflicting groups.

good and

evil,

truth and

beauty and ugliness, and the outcome has portentous consequences

for that entire world.

The

ures in the man's

To

self.

"hero of the Dream"

is

but one of many

fig-

the extent that this figure plays a predominant

part in the evolution of the life structure during early adulthood, other internal figures

The

and

youthful

parts of the self tend to

Dream

is

a

be neglected.

prime example of the ground

a vision of the adult self living the

sions develop. It

is

creating a soil in

which

joyful

hopes can flower,

it

in

good

which life.

illu-

While

also nourishes illusory

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition beliefs: that

I

am

capable of accomplishing everything the

my

ages, that certain others will unequivocally support

Dream

247 envis-

efforts, that ful-

the Dream will bring me true happiness. The Dream derives in part from the normal omnipotence fantasies of early childhood, when the distinction between wish and reality is poorly established. Some degree of "normal omnipotence" is required to strengthen one's courage in early adulthood when the possibility of realizing the Dream often seems slight. The hero can use a touch of arrogance, though in the end it may be his downfall. As Goethe said, "For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him, he must regard himself as greater than he is." One function of the mentor, and the wife, is to sustain the young man's Dream without questioning it too much or filling

making excessive demands that he A young man's Dream becomes as

he works to build

it

into his

it.

life.

He

basis in reality,

reality-based

gains admission to the appro-

skills

and

qualities of character,

strives to reach his goals.

Yet he

is

not simply

A

myth always has

and we must take account of the

reality in seeking

pursuing his career within a particular social matrix.

some

and

increasingly rational

needed

priate institutions, develops the

makes concrete plans and

attain

when we say that a man is enacting his Dream, are making plain that his activity has or his we myth, pursuing a far more profound meaning. A myth is a construction; it serves human to understand

needs and

it

its

workings. But

reflects

meanings stemming from deeper, often unconscious

sources in the personality

The more

and

in the culture.

course of the Mid-life Transition.

most pervasive after. is

Dream become

illusory aspects of the

illusions:

if

Discovering that this

is

not

have already mentioned one of the

I

the hero

is

so,

often a mind-boggling process for Transition.

life

Most men whose

evident during the

successful

he

will live happily ever

and dealing with the consequences, highly successful men in the Mid-

lives are

imbued with

Dream have

a

to

deal with the consequences of failure, or of flawed success.

There to the

times this

is

also the illusion of

omnipotence:

as

long

Dream he is invincible; he may suffer all may appear lost, but if he perseveres he

as

the hero

momentary will

One's

is

taking shape and has less grounding in reality, and in

Own Man, when

one has the "now or never" urge to

aspirations of early adulthood.

Jung speaks of "ego

inflation,"

experiences his internal hero figure as all-powerful.

as

it is,

deflation

is

at

The

when

a necessary step in

the

Becoming realize the

when

inflation

lowed, says Jung, by a period of "deflation" in which the hero

wounded. Painful

true

triumph. Beliefs of

kind tend to be strongest in the Early Adult Transition,

Dream

is

and

defeats

is

a is

man fol-

badly

overcoming the

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

248

dominance of the hero and forming

internal

a

more

integrated self dur-

ing the Mid-life Transition.

The tendency to minimize those parts Dream leads to various illusions about

the

to acknowledge that

Dream foils,

the

self.

He may

it.

A

background players— in the myth-drama.

fit

into

hard for a

man

and makes things

role,

illusion

enemies,

allies,

man's wife

which

often a

is

if

and

generally maternal

is

him. But he has

easier for

have the

he loves and rewards her

this process:

she performs well in her appointed

also

part— as

to play their

life exist solely

major beneficiary and victim of

caring

It is

he wants things that have nothing to do with the

or are actually antithetical to

that others in his

of the self that don't

difficulty regarding

her as a whole person and considering her independent talents and aspirations.

Finally, there

matters

no

is

flaws.

The

is

must be

enterprise

the illusion that the ultimate outcome of the heroic

The only success that fail. The hero can have

total success or total failure.

total success. To succeed partially is to The Dream must be perfectly realized.

the sense of omnipotence and the excitement of heroic

illusions,

drama give the Dream

its

intensity

and

But

inspirational qualities.

its

they contribute also to the tyranny of the Dream. Reducing this tyranny is

major task of the Mid-life Transition, whenever the Dream has had

a

an important place task

is

not to get

power: to make

and a

in a

rid of

its

man's the

and he

life

Dream

demands

is

in the grip of

its

altogether, but to reduce

less absolute; to

make

myth. The

its

excessive

success less essential

failure less disastrous; to diminish the magical-illusory qualities. Later,

man may

continue to seek excellence, but he gains more intrinsic en-

joyment from the process and product of cerned with recognition and power.

his efforts

and he

The men who have

is

less

con-

written most

eloquently about the corrupting effects of ambition, and about the im-

portance of "being" and "self-actualization," generally came to their sights in

middle adulthood

after a

in-

Mid-life Transition in which they

began slowly and painfully to reduce the tyranny of a powerful Dream. In reworking the Dream, a ladder.

As we have

seen, the

the definition of the Settling

man

also modifies the

Down

enterprise.

At around

man

reaches the top rung of his early adult ladder, a

the ladder

itself.

It is

definitions of success

tion the basic meanings of success If a

man

Of what

and

failure,

my

when he

well he has

has to ques-

and the value of the

has largely attained his goals, he asks

value are

40,

:

"What good

accomplishments to others, to

in

has to reappraise

how and failure. He

not just a matter of evaluating

done within the current

meaning of the

image of the ladder plays a central part

society,

ladder.

are they?

and

es-

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition

What

pecially to myself?

here?"

If

live

It is

achieve what

I still

wanted? Can

I

go from

accept the failure

I

without the things success might have brought?

alternatives— can

way

find a better

I

man

time in the Mid-life Transition for a

power and

he comes to be

excellence,

less

all

What

coming

of living for the

imagery of the ladder. Without losing

erful

I

he has failed in significant respects, he asks: "Is the failure

irrevocable or can

and

Where do

have been the costs?

249

to

are the

years?"

modulate the pow-

desire for accomplishment,

driven by ambition and

more

aware of the magical qualities he formerly attributed to reaching the top of the ladder. It to

fail.

He

is

no longer

more emphasis

and

failure in

to the quality of experience, to the intrinsic value of his

work and products, and

The imagery of The youthful hero Faust story

is

meaning

their

the ladder

and

to himself

others.

widespread in literature and mythology.

is

(warrior, artist, noble contributor to

gaged in a quest that

The

no longer catastrophic more complex terms, giving

essential to succeed,

evaluates his success

humanity)

is

en-

movement. mid-life making a

often symbolized in terms of upward

is

a classic portrayal of the

man

at

desperate effort to achieve omnipotence by selling his soul to the

last

power through knowledge— the hubris

Devil. In his case, the goal was of the scientist. Yeats,

who wrote

his greatest poetry after mid-life, often

poem

depicted his experience of major developmental transitions. His

"The Circus Animals' Desertion" .

I

.

.

Now that my ladder's gone

must

down where all

lie

contains these lines:

y

ladders start.

In the foul rag-and-bone shop oi the heart.

The relationship between Jung and Freud began when Jung was 31. Freud was 19 years older. It ended when Jung, then 38, stormily withdrew both from the friend-mentor ties and from his position of leadership in

the psychoanalytic movement.

was

in the

The

separation occurred

developmental period of Becoming One's

a severe mid-life

and established

crisis,

his

he went

own

his

own

when Jung

Own Man.

After

way, did his most creative work

school of depth psychology. In his late adult-

hood Jung was pressed to authorize publication between Freud and himself conducted during his his reluctance to publish

of the correspondence thirties.

Acknowledging

"that accursed correspondence," he wrote a

friend:

For

me

it is

an unfortunately unexpungeable reminder of the incredible

my

from cloud-cuckoo-land back to

youth [NB: age 31-38, DJL]. reality lasted a long time. In

my my hand

to the little clod of earth that

folly that filled

the days of

grim's Progress consisted in until

I

could reach out

The

journey

my

case Pil-

having to climb down a thousand ladders I

am.

THE SEASONS OF A

25O

Men who its

MAN S

LIFE

have pursued the Dream in early adulthood must reduce

hold in the Mid-life Transition. Other

and must deal with

man who himself.

this. Elia

men

40 began a valiant struggle to

at

He had become

have betrayed the Dream,

The Arrangement is about a regain his lost Dream or to kill

Kazan's novel

an advertising executive rather than the novel-

Dream. Having succeeded

in climbing the wrong ladder, empty life. His marriage was based on a relationship between his wife and the executive (but not the novelist) in him. They had been living for some years in an arrangement that ist

of his early

he was now trapped

in a fraudulent,

was destructive to both of them. parts of himself

He had

He

was withholding the most valued

from the world and could not

really love,

work or

play.

Greek ethnicity and with the parents and extended family who represented it. During his early forties, he sought lost

touch with

his

to confront the realities of his

life,

overcome the

to

illusions, to get off

the ladder and to understand what he really wanted. Alternately clear-

headed and

''out of his

mind," he had to sink to rock bottom before

finding a basis for change.

It

took several years before he could commit

new

himself to the choices around which a

life

structure

Reviewing Kazan's novel when he was himself novelist

James Baldwin poignantly stated the

Though we would like to live without we have none, this is not really

insist that

might be

built.

in his early forties, the

issue:

regrets,

and sometimes proudly

possible,

if

only because

we

are

When

more time stretches behind than stretches before one, some assessments, however reluctantly and incompletely, begin to be made. Between what one wishes to become and what one has become there is a momentous gap, which will now never be closed. And this gap seems to mortal.

operate as one's final margin, one's

between the

self as it is

even harder to gauge. lives, to

make

and the

Some

last

self as

opportunity, for creation.

one

sees

there

it,

is

And

also a distance,

of us are compelled, around the middle of our

a study of this baffling geography, less in the

hope of con-

quering these distances than in the determination that the distance shall

not become any greater.

Baldwin's hero.

own

He found

early

adulthood was very different from that of Kazan's

far greater obstacles

on the path

to the writing career,

though perhaps fewer seductions to lure him away from

it.

Still,

Baldwin

remained true to the Dream. By age 40 he was a distinguished writer and probably the foremost Black American writer of his generation. Yet he too had to acknowledge the distance "between the self as

us

who

one

sees it." In this

book

review,

he

self as it

The

and the

make a study may extend the

"are compelled, around the middle of our lives, to

of this baffling geography."

is

links himself to the rest of

geographical study,

if

I

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition

metaphor,

is

mapping expedition

a

some

traveler discovers that

others

real,

and that the

been able to

A

in a territory often experienced as a

with long stretches of sand enlivened by occasional oases. The

desert,

make

of the perceived water holes are mirages,

how

Slowly he learns

see.

more

territory contains far

resources than he has

below the surface and

to look

to

use of the treasures he finds there.

person like Baldwin,

and with greater on

heavily

fidelity to

who

has lived his early adulthood

Dream than Kazan's creating a new structure

the

his earlier life in

Adulthood. Yet he too goes through a mid-life

between

disparities

had hoped

for

Dream and

early

and the

life

Acknowledging

for

crisis.

gap

is,

as

He

experiences the

his

Middle adulthood can be

free to

a creative era

if,

and only

he must be a remarkable

if,

When

a

never be oppor-

last

and expresses more of

Young

Relationship with

man comes

man no

his

own

he

longer is

more

wishes and talents.

chances are that he will contribute more to society to

a

writer, craftsman or leader,

be himself and to work according to

more

he

illusions that are so cen-

even the most creative early adulthood.

contributes

now

Baldwin claims, "one's

and contradictions and

to terms with the gaps

feels that

life

success— and, be-

•

tunity for creation."

tral in

fully

more Entering Middle

present reality, between the

he has forged. Despite

this

more

hero, can draw

cause of his success— he has the sense of "a gap which will closed/'

The

251

when

his life

his self.

Adults:

Mentoring and Fathering There a

are, as

we saw

earlier, parallels

mentor and that with

—goes through

a

between a man's relationship with

woman. The termination

of an intense

many ways like the ending of a love affair or crisis. The younger man— and usually the older as well process of de-illusionment. The younger man realizes,

mentor relationship a time of marital

a special

is

in

with some mixture of insight and distortion, that the relationship as beneficent as

he had imagined; the mentor

is

less

admirable,

is

less

not de-

voted to him, more concerned with his own needs and more human— than he had previously recognized. If he can come to appreciate and tolerate the mentor's human frailties, and if the two of them can find a mutual basis for being friends or colleagues, they may find a way to form a new relationship. Usually, they do not.

interests— in short,

Again, a key issue for the

man

in the Mid-life Transition

is

whether

THE SEASONS OF A

252

he can confront in himself

who

MAN S

LIFE

He must come

his illusions.

man must

gles to

become the

Dream

in their early adult forms, so

the early forties

it

hero.

is

As

a

give

must he

man

boy

strug-

up the ladder and the up the mentor. After

It is

time to become more of a

has had good enough mentoring, and

greater responsibility for furthering the

young man

may do an

in his thirties

ing and guiding younger persons.

he must

The

first

but he

becoming

adults.

A

excellent job of teaching, supervis-

To be

a

mentor

in a

a

mentor

deeper sense, how-

in the Mid-life Transition

A man

of 35

closely tied to people in their twenties.

tion older than they,

As he passes

eration.

on

will gladly take

have done the work of the Mid-life Transition.

process of

is still

he can resolve some

if

he

development of young

lated in part to the change in generations.

and more

in

40, however, the difference

Young people

him more

regard

He

is

is

is

re-

fully adult,

a half-genera-

the position of older brother than

more separated from him by the

feel

he

give

of the basic polarities of the Mid-life Transition,

father.

as

oneself.

If a

ever,

him

almost impossible to be a protege, though one can

always use good counsel and friendship.

mentor

to terms with the little

urgently needs a mentor figure to sustain

is

increased to a full gen-

than peer, and

as boss or "dad''

barriers of age, authority

and

social

network. Initially

he may

feel great

disappointment and

from the youthful generation. But gradually he ing.

He

is

entering a world of work, family and

most immediate

his

He

ties.

is

ferent

hood

he too

community

He

is

distant

becoming

chang-

is

life in

relationships are with people in their forties

becoming more

of early adulthood.

being ejected

loss at

finds that

which

and

fif-

from (and dominant over) the world a "senior" adult,

from the "junior" adulthood of the

thirties

something quite

and the "novice"

dif-

adult-

of the twenties.

The movement toward

a

more

senior position

is

clearest

when

it

in-

volves a tangible advance in status: promotion to a higher level in the

work organization; recognition

as

a

more

established writer, physician,

skilled worker; entry into the senior level of the

responsibilities for the older

and younger generations; gaining

spected, senior position in religious, civic are

many forms

advancement

is

of seniority

extended family, with

and many

a

more

re-

and other organizations. There

levels of

achievement, but some

man

can make a place for himself in the

man may have much

contact with persons in their twen-

neeeded so that a

middle adult generation.

At ties

mid-life a

and

thirties,

Even when the them something

but he cannot participate

as a full peer in their world.

relationships are equal in

many

respects,

he must

distinctive that reflects his greater maturity, his

offer

member-

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition ship in the generation of middle adulthood.

own

his

more

generation, he can

As he forms

a social base in

the generational

readily reach across

He

boundaries and establish relationships of mutual benefit.

what

Old

is

and use

middle age to enrich

his

younger and older generations.

himself, his ties

he

own

be isolated from his

will

is

and he may then

his relationships

he remains too

If

can keep

Young

youthful in himself, get in touch with both the

in others,

tied to

253

young

'and the

with the

he

adults,

Old in At the other extreme,

generation and split off from the

lose all generational ties.

may atrophy; but this is likely to mean that Young in himself and has become prematurely

with younger people

alienated from the

Old.

Being a mentor with young adults tionships available to a

mentor

faction of the

and

man

lies

women— facilitating

one of the most

is

in furthering the

to lead better lives according to their

development

form and

their efforts to

own

tal

It is

the

is

live

and

values

the development of children and adolescents function in early adulthood.

significant rela-

middle adulthood. The distinctive

in

of

man

young men

out their Dreams, abilities.

Nurturing

a major, age-appropriate

more elemental form

impulse. During middle adulthood, a

satis-

of the paren-

can take a further step and

nurture the development of young adults. Mentoring utilizes the parental impulse, but

it

individuation.

is

more complex and

As he

some degree of mid-life self, and of his own conman is more able to foster

requires

gains a stronger sense of

tinuing development in middle adulthood, a

the development of other adults.

There

is

obligation, of doing

altruism

is

something for

involved: the mentor

making productive use of is

mentoring— a sense of meeting an another being. But much more than

a measure of altruism in

is

doing something for himself.

own knowledge and

his

learning in ways not otherwise possible.

He

is

skill in

middle

He is He

age.

maintaining his connec-

He

tion with the forces of youthful energy in the world and in himself.

needs the recipient of mentoring is

time that

The

this

as

much

as

the recipient needs him.

It

simple truth become more widely known.

self-rejuvenation

and

creative

work of both mentor and subject

are furthered in "good enough" mentoring. But there are numerous haz-

and no relationship can be entirely free of them. The mentor is tempted to play the omnipotent Pygmalion, who, like Professor Higgins

ards,

in Shaw's play

and

My

Doolittle (female or male)

end Eliza must rebel Another hazard

is

make his Eliza own choosing. In the own development.

Fair Lady, egocentrically tries to into an image of his

in order to

that the

pursue her/his

mentor

is

continually tempted to exploit

the relationship, guiding the subject's work toward his it

for his

own fame

own ends and using may outshine

or fortune. Or, fearful that his protege'

THE SEASONS OF A

2 54

him, the mentor trol.

MAN S

LIFE

may engage

and con-

in destructive forms of discipline

At the other extreme, the mentor may devote himself with

altruism to the student's needs, creating an imbalance that destructive for both.

Of

make

course, both parties

is

excessive

ultimately

their contribution to

the nature and outcome of every relationship.

Mentoring "generativity."

part of a developmental process that Erikson has called

is

Through

this process, a

a growing awareness of the continuity of

He

erations.

who must him

in

feels a

man in middle adulthood forms human life and the flow of gen-

concern for the upcoming generation of young adults,

time be ready for the responsibilities of middle age.

It leads

to accept other burdens of his generation— exercising authority, pro-

viding leadership, making decisions that will have significant consequences for a

widening

circle of others.

worker in

in his village, the

The

basic process

similar for the farmer

is

his factory or union, the executive in his

firm, the political leader at a local, national or international level.

In his biography of Gandhi, Erikson has vividly portrayed the years from

40 to 60. At the

start of

middle adulthood, Gandhi returned to India from

South Africa and embarked upon

his political career. At 50, he led the became a testing ground for militant non-violence and established him as Mahatma, the leader of the entire nation against colonial rule. As he formed new relationships with his followers and with the generation of young adults, Gandhi was also working to be a good father to his young adult sons. The coexistence of his political success and

Ahmedabad

strike that

his paternal failure,

and the

intensity of his investment in both, illustrate

the complexities and paradoxes of adult development.

We

have discussed in Chapter 15 the ways in which a man's mid-life

work on the Masculine/Feminine polarity can affect his capability for mentoring, especially for being a mentor to women. This is potentially one of the

most

significant gains of the Mid-life Transition.

Good mentoring

is

one of the

middle adulthood can make to

special contributions that persons in

society.

Given the value that mentoring

has for the mentor, the recipient and society at large, little

of

it

actually occurs.

We

are held back

it is

tragic that so

by limitations

vidual development and in our institutional structures.

in our indi-

These limitations

and undermine relationships

serve to intensify intergenerational conflict

between the youthful and middle-aged generations.

The

process of

coming

a father in

As

a

man

becoming

new ways

a

mentor has

to offspring

parallels to the process of be-

who

are entering early adulthood.

passes 40, his older children are likely to be in or near adolescence.

Both father and

offspring

must

give

meaning

approaching early adulthood while he

is

a youthful father raising small children, he

to the fact that they are

leaving is

it

behind.

a father entering

No

longer

middle age

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition

and seeking new ways of spring.

As

their generational status changes,

tionships that include

some degree

tion than the rule. If

this

fail

not easy, and

is

entirely

them

to treat

to develop their

may move away in defiance and contempt. The difficulties between parents and their examined almost

rela-

it is

more the excep-

if

they were small

as

or they

youthful offspring have been

from the viewpoint of the

controlling, rejecting, moralistic, seductive

offspring.

Much

has

their variously doting,

and withholding

parents. If

we

from the vantage point of the parents,

also consider these relationships

are less prone to

responsibilities

own autonomy,

been written about the damage done to the youth by

we

new

faces

of loving, teaching, learning, supporting,

he continues

may submit and

he

off-

can form mutually satisfactory

best, they

working and playing together. But children, they

and young adult

relating to his adolescent

and new opportunities. At

255

make one

generation the villain and the other the

victim of the struggles that are so inherent in cross-generational relationships.

ing

Each

side

may

also

it

necessarily part of the problem; with greater understand-

is

be part of the solution. Looking

we can more

developmental perspective,

at the

readily appreciate

youth from a

how

their adoles-

cent growing pains are reflected in their conflicts with parents. Well, parents too have growing pains; and they too need to be understood from a developmental perspective.

I

problems hold for mothers

as well,

shall speak here of fathers.

though the

specific

The same basic issues may be

different.

At around 40

a

man

is

deeply involved in the

Young/Old

polarity.

This

developmental process has a powerful effect upon his relationships with his

and with young adults generally. When his own aging weighs upon him, their exuberant vitality is more likely to arouse his envy and resentment than his delight and forbearance. He may be preoccupied offspring

heavily

with grievances against his that they have inflicted

make him direct If

less

own

parents for the damage, real or imagined,

upon him

at different ages.

These preoccupations

appreciative of the (often similar) grievances his offspring

toward him.

he

feels

he has

lost or

betrayed his

own

early

Dream, he may

find

it

hard to give his wholehearted support and blessing to the Dreams of young adults.

When

his offspring

their adult goals,

he

is

own. Yet, when they do guilt

may undermine

show

signs of failure or confusion in pursuing

afraid that their lives will turn out as badly as his well,

he may resent their success. Anxiety and

his efforts to

be helpful and lead him instead to be

nagging and vindictive. Feeling acutely the failure or emptiness of his

they will have

ments.

it

better, that their success will

The genuine

desire that his children

life,

he may resolve that

make up

for his disappoint-

be happy, according to their

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

256

lights,

one of the great

is

a parent has

gifts

When

to offer.

a father

desperately wants his children to have the specific things he himself has

missed, however, the paternal interest too easily becomes a tyrannical de-

mand from which As he

they must in time free themselves.

resolves the mid-life polarities within himself, a father can respond

He

with more genuine care and wisdom to the needs of his offspring.

and

value their youthful hopes, accept their youthful awkwardness, his gifts

can

offer

with respect for their individuality.

Modifying the Marriage Many men forties

acknowledged.

from the

and

are able to consider seriously in their late thirties

A man may come Without being

start.

to recognize that the marriage

strongly in love,

he married

early

dimly

problems that they previously ignored or only

marital

was flawed for reasons

such as family pressure, convention, rebellion, social mobility or It

was thus

tionship.

Over time things got worse

first

a great fog of illusion has

time to see his wife

relationship.

He

is

assailed

of insight, distortion

and

them; he cannot share

him more

as

been

as a person

by new

lifted.

main

life,

Suddenly he

realizations,

interests

one of the children than

each with

there

is

it

and

He

thirties,

lover; she

society,

is

disap-

resentful over

is

he comes to

is

very differ-

different

man and

feel that his wife regards

him

experiences her as overly controlling or smothering in

depriving and humiliating in others.

is

from one

he may become acutely

with his marriage. Struggling to become more a

more by

her; she regards

or period that his marriage

seemed. But the process of change

period to the next. During the late fied

own admixture

its

have involved him in a world she cannot enjoy or share.

A man may discover at any age ent from what

the

their

no excitement between

pointed over his failure to accomplish their early goals; she his successes that

remained in

feels free for

and concerns with

as a friend

rela-

children and tradition.

and to understand the nature of

self -justification:

his

He

rather than better.

the marriage mainly out of attachment to family

Now

guilt.

the couple to create a satisfactory marital

difficult for

He may

find another

to

dissatis-

be affirmed

as a little boy.

some

respects,

woman who

is

more understanding, sharing and sensually evocative, and with whom he feels more of a person. This may lead to a "breaking out"— divorce and perhaps remarriage— or to a "other

of

life

structure that includes both the wife

and the

woman."

When a man becomes dissatisfied with his marriage during the period Becoming One's Own Man, he tends to attribute the problems more

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition to his wife than to himself.

and about the marital illusions

He may overcome

relationship, but

he

certain illusions about her

finds

it

about himself. His developmental thrust

the external world than toward exploring the

257

difficult to

is

examine

his

more toward mastering

self.

man is more able to look at himself and deal with illusions about himself. He is more ready to ask: "How did I contribute to the marital difficulties? Did I want my wife to be a certain kind of maternal figure? What led me to enter the marriage, to stay in it In the Mid-life Transition a

and then to question

for so long,

Working on

these questions

it?"

never easy, and the

is

man

himself

is

often

only dimly aware of his changing thoughts and feelings. At the height of

he may be unable to talk clearly about it or to sort out the own mind: he feels trapped and without clear direction, pulled

trie difficulty

issues in his

ways from the outside,

in opposite

Sometimes

it

is

the wife

more

marriage. Being

who

full of conflict

inside.

free of familial responsibilities in her late thirties or

early forties, she seeks to

expand her own horizons and

home. She becomes the voice

outside the

and despair

takes the initiative in reappraising the

start

new

enterprises

development and change.

of

Through the "division of labor" that often occurs in a marriage, the husband may then become the voice of the status quo. Moreover, a man who feels that his own youthfulness is in jeopardy may be more threatened than pleased by his wife's invitation to modify their liberation

from a primarily domestic

role,

lives. If

he can accept her

the partners can work together

toward a new and more intimate relationship, sharing well what they have in

common and

pursuing their separate interests on a more autonomous

basis.

In some families, the wife's growing assertiveness and freedom are

accompanied by the husband's severe decline. involvement in family this occurs,

Often

it is

it

life

a serious

and

the husband

is

feels increasingly

problem

a strong need to modify their

way— to

she

afraid of rocking the boat.

as

is

convey

the

Own Man

life.

fused

has less authority and

obsolescent at work.

When

for the entire family.

who makes

Becoming One's

In the period of

He

He

first

steps toward change.

or Mid-life Transition, he feels

tries— usually in an

this to his wife.

awkward

Though sympathetic

She regards

his

or con-

to his plight,

disappointment and malaise

an indirect assault upon her— an accusation that his troubles are basically

her

fault.

She

would lead and

life

structure. In this case

muddled

he

more is

serious

is

if

faced by both of them,

problems

in their marriage

the initiator of change, though often

in his initial efforts to clarify the

tion, while she

The

fears that his dissatisfactions,

to the recognition of

problems and find a new

direc-

the voice of stability and self-restriction.

marital difficulties that surface in the Mid-life Transition

may

lead

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

258

from separation and divorce to reworking and improve-

to various changes,

ment

some cases the grievances remain and They may divorce later (often, at around 50)

of the marriage. In

divide the couple.

for years in a state of

A

useful in understanding the marital

is

often becomes obvious, after

the husband and wife have developed

The

directions.

flaws that

some

years of marriage, that

at different rates

were present

one of the

partners.

them and

grievances, denies

come

usually

The

to a

clings to the status quo.

head during

a

new

Own Man. The

become unbearable

The

to

The

more

it

and

crisis in

Becom-

for several years, until

in circumstances upsets the

relationship will improve only

work conjointly on

efforts

may be contained

marked change

many

marital strains

period— especially the Age

a transitional

conflict

transitional period or a

equilibrium.

in different

other partner, while actually having

Thirty Transition or the Mid-life Transition— or during a ing One's

and

in the marriage at the start, plus

other problems that entered over the course of time, to

or continue

war or cold peace.

developmental perspective

difficulties. It

increasingly

if

both partners are ready

are able to synchronize their developmental

fully.

A man at this age may enter a serious love relationship with a younger woman. The spouse who "flies the coop"— it is usually the husband, but increasingly the wife— is typically the object of moral judgment rather than critical understanding by others. Those who place great value on the stability of the family often make an automatic negative judgment: men who do such things Or they see him as fine

are seen as morally corrupt or temporarily unhinged.

suffering

from "middlescence," a term that

on the other hand, are often equally stereotyped worthy for getting out of If

we

his rut

are to understand

it

and doing

his

we have

better,

with the Young/Old polarity: he

is

fixed

is

more

new in

will

relationships with

the Masculine/Feminine polarity.

If

he

is

to

is

be in vain.

women

to look at the extramarital It reflects a

man's struggles

being crushed by the dry,

On

the other hand, the ex-

of various ages

may

enable

him

He may

then be able to

utilize his

youth-

form appropriate to middle adulthood.

As the Mid-life Transition nears

make new

praise-

touch with the feminine in himself and others and to resolve

ful energies in a

to

man

seeking merely to recapture his adolescence, or to keep

immutably, the search

ploration of to get

he

If

in finding a

thing.

asserting his youthful vitality at a

time when he fears that the Young in him dying Old.

own

from a developmental perspective.

relationship

it

carries a

mixture of sympathy and depreciation. Ardent advocates of liberation,

its

end

in the mid-forties, a

man

has

choices or recommit himself on different terms to old choices.

improve

his current marriage, or to enter a

new one

that will

Modifying the Life Structure During the Mid-life Transition

be an improvement on the

He

self.

old,

some

has to accept

he must become

less illusioned

259

about him-

own

responsibility for those aspects of his

motivation and character that keep him from forming more adult relationships with

women. He

will

have to work for several years to develop a new

kind of relationship with a wife or lover

mutual to

effort.

Otherwise he

both partners, or he

of relationships with

will

who

women)

ready to join

him

in this

remain in a stagnant marriage destructive

embark upon

will

is

a

new marriage

(or a

new set new

that repeats the old hurtful themes with

variations.

The biographies to be many of the changes

nate

presented in the following chapters will illumiI

have

just discussed regarding marriage, father-

hood, mentoring and the Dream. In Chapter efforts life

made

to reappraise

and modify the

Transition lead to the formation of a

Entering Middle Adulthood.

life

new

18,

we

shall see

how

structure during the

the

Mid-

structure in the next period,

—

The

av

Life

of John Barnes,

Biologist

John Barnes was born in 1925 and grew up in a well-to-do, conservative, New England family with strong Puritan traditions. Integrity,

upper-class

control over emotion, avoidance of

Victorian sexual mores,

strict

display, high intellectual

achievement and public service were emphasized

in his pre-adult

successful

Wall

world and exemplified by his father, a minister's son and Street lawyer.

John was the youngest child of middle-aged

parents, a replacement for their

and been

self-

one previous son who had recently died

He was

mourned.

greatly

cared for by servants and sent to board-

ing school at age 13.

As a

who

he

child,

felt closest to

the caretaker of his parents'

summer

estate,

taught him cabinetmaking and "was almost a foster father" to him.

His family lacked intimacy and the free flow of affection. to his parents, especially his reserved father, with of the sea

and

sailing.

John was often I

critical

and

the parents being so

when

was attached

I

much

sisters

choose to believe, from a feeling of being low

But

older.

To some

who,

in a very

in the days

And the member complex," which

result of this I

still

is

extent, this was related to

major way

when

the crunch came, they were right and

the problem was.

it

was related to

made any

difference

was wrong, no matter what

I

that

it

I

had

"youngest

a very severe

have to a very major extent, I'm

His early experiences of being a "mere replacement" and "low the totem pole" in the family, and far from are the beginnings of a recurrent life

ing to be

first,

a love

controlling.

the totem pole in our family.

having two older

He

he shared

His mother preferred her oldest daughter and toward

have always suffered,

man on

whom

yet ending

up second,

first

afraid.

man on

in his mother's affections,

theme: the desperate desire and

after

striv-

all.

In a series of elite private boys' schools, he was a highly successful stu-

dent and athlete. Falling short was always distressing to him. Though not very gregarious, he always had one or two close friends. his oldest sister

law,

one of

began graduate school

whom

in biochemistry.

When Both

John especially admired, were biological

he was

8,

brothers-inscientists as

The

Life of John Barnes, Biologist

261

By age 12, he had formed the specific Dream of becoming a biochemist who would make great discoveries. Family encouragement, school success in science and hours in his home chemistry lab nourished his Dream and well.

built his confidence.

summers but afraid of intense involvement, constrained by family taboos and "being beaten out" by more forward fellows. Looking back, he

John was attracted to was shy, afraid of

several girls during his high school

he retreated to the security of

feels

about these other things,

I

his lab: "I didn't

have to be concerned

could always imagine that they weren't that

terribly important."

The Novice Phase John Barnes went through

Adult Transition (age 18 to 23) as an Harvard College and in military service. For many young

undergraduate at

men,

this

is

his Early

a time of discontinuity

and experimentation. In John's

there were few changes during these years. His school

with parents and others, his

Though

visions.

Dream and

secretly worried

ings with the few girls

life

goals

case,

his relationships

life,

underwent no major

re-

about the impersonal quality of his deal-

he managed to

date,

he found no way to change

this.

In service, from age 19 to 21, in environments very different from those of his pre-adult world,

became

he

felt freer to

open himself to new experience.

fascinated with the construction machines his outfit

imagined himself running a construction company. This pears in his fantasy to this day. first

sexual experiences.

Though

He

21,

started to

blossom in the army.

was

my

from

first

my

ding.

At

sexually

and

felt

"We

He

soon began an

interests that

affair

had

with Ellen, an

got right into the sex routine here, fairly

point of view, enjoyably.

I

guess

I

was carried away.

married."

Ellen were married right after graduation from college, largely

he believes because out at the

his

experience along those lines. Carried away in the sense that

we eventually got

He and

reap-

,

attractive Vassar student:

It

now approach women

he returned to college and pushed aside the

rapidly and,

Dream

some excitement

man.

like a

At

rival

these were neither full-fledged love affairs

nor intimate friendships, he could

more

also recalls with

He

employed and

last

this

was "the right thing to do." She

tried to

back

minute but he persuaded her to go through with the wedthem was able to face the problems in their rela-

23, neither of

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

262

He

tionship.

was unaware that Ellen did not enjoy their lovemaking but

could not discuss

which held no

Dream. Their

with him. Also, her interest turned from science to

it

interest for

art,

him. Neither could get involved in the other's

relationship was not intimate, but he was not aware then

that anything was missing. "It was not quite like an 'arranged marriage' in

the foreign sense, but

might

it

just as well

have been."

In the period of Enteiing the Adult World, from age 23 to 28, John

was an enthusiastic and successful graduate student

Ph.D.

and stayed on

in biochemistry

During these

he did research under

years,

he admired. She was

clearly his

mentor

at Yale.

He

earned his

for a year as a postdoctoral fellow. a

prominent

woman

scientist

in the sense of being teacher, adviser

He

and sponsor, but the relationship did not become very personal. completely dominated by his Dream: "Science,

me

my

all

waking hours.

concerned— other than

It

is all

one

would never have occurred else in those days.

to

me

to be openly

something

that—

like

Grand times

in the lab

did, really."

Barnes recognizes that his exclusive concern with mastery of his pline, with hardly a thought about the wider

was typical of the apprenticeship years

He

Dream and with

to the I

would turn

He years.

connects

my hand

it

The

But he

in the physical sciences.

about himself and the world

with his extraordinarily strong commitment

his

omnipotent feeling that

to,

simply by deciding

was not able to invest

much

I

"I could

wanted

do anything

do

to

it."

of himself in his marriage during these

their first child

parenthood

failed to

The Age

when he was

26, the

second two years

They

later,

but

improve the marriage.

Thirty Transition, from age 28 to 34, was a time of important

changes in every area of Barnes's

and advancement. At

28,

his mentor's laboratory.

citing

com-

sexual relationship was suspended for long periods. Ellen

plained of his absence and his unresponsiveness to her feelings.

had

disci-

scientific or social implications,

also feels that his narrowness reflected naivete

around him.

was

work, the lab occupied

a lunchtime conversation or

about national policy or anything

and that

my

problem of

his

By

His career was marked by rapid growth

relatively

unformed novice, working

30, after a fellowship abroad,

own on

assistant professorship at

life.

he was a

he found an

the frontier of his field and accepted an

Columbia

University.

He

felt at

home

major institution in the Eastern intellectual establishment. school to which his father and

in ex-

many

It

in this

was the

generations of his family had gone.

In joining the Columbia faculty, he strengthened his

ties

with family

tradition.

Two

years of painstaking, solitary experimentation led to an important

discovery at 32, clearly a high point in his his

life.

He

work and of "The Time of the Big Excitement"

spoke of the joys of

:

The I

mean

absolutely

it's

consuming

.

.

Life of John Barnes, Biologist

but you can only maintain

.

The drudgery

of excitement for relatively short periods of time.

doing

it

The high

took a couple of years.

levels of

263 kind

this

of actually

excitement don't

last

for very long. In this sense they are quite equivalent to, say, sporting events,

the other thing test, it

showed

obvious

—

whole

just like

letters.

We

up

it

were

photometer,

opening up

field

And

opening a door.

The most dramatic time have to look

As soon

get a big kick out of.

I

a

my

in

sitting

just carefully

in

my

.

that

it's

we made

as

and

.

is

this

the one crucial

was instantaneously

the exciting part!

scientific career

lab book, but in

.

all

came

that December. I'd

written out in big capital

the lab one night in front of the spectro-

mixing carefully prepared solutions, and we got

which I am now famous. I mean, there is no magic went through some perfectly straightforward operations and came up with what was at the time a very unexpected result. You don't a spectacular result for to

We

it.

just

it today. But that was very exciting. And in the course week we produced more fundamental information than in the of my scientific career, either before or since. I've actually done

think twice about of about a entire rest

then.

fairly well since

of real excitement.

It's

worth a

lot of dull

They wouldn't

excite

drudgery to have such periods

anyone

else obviously. It's a very

personal thing.

With

the publication of his discovery, he "became recognized ... as

a promising

young biochemist!" Early promotion

position was a powerful affirmation.

He

felt

(at 33)

that he

to a tenured

had proven

his

worth

in the scientific elite.

Many

engaged in a modern form of the ancient heroic

scientists are

quest, complete with the vanquishing of rivals for the prize.

(More than

damsel in

their first marriages, as rescuers of a

Barnes was

now

discoveries

and the acclaim of

in his marital life

improvement.

A

for a divorce.

She was

An

distress.)

In fantasy, John

the young hero, charging ahead toward a future of ever

more fundamental

The change

supreme (Nobel)

half of our scientists also experienced themselves, in

few months in love

was

his world.

initially painful, yet

after their

move

with someone

else

ultimately an

Columbia, Ellen asked

to

and wanted

to remarry.

attempt at reconciliation was followed by a "civilized" divorce. Despite

Barnes's relief at this solution to a mutually hurtful situation, the breakup of his marriage initiated a crisis

Well, unaware, I

it

was a big shock to a number of things. One, to be so

initially,

that the situation was getting as bad as

was perfectly aware that

anything extreme.

And

been carrying on with time, a fellow this,

but that

I I

knew

a

it

wasn't very good, but

it

it

totally

obviously was.

didn't occur to

me

there was a very personal insult in that Ellen

young man without

didn't recognize

it.

my knowing

about

The insult was not that And that really shook me

perfectly well.

it

for

as

had

some

she was doing up. Obviously

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

264

was not tuned

I

in

the local environment and

to

that message

came

through very strongly.

From

moment

the

of the initial break, through the next few years of

trauma, the development of awareness of what people were thinking, with or without their saying

damn

took place. I'm no expert at

it,

sight better than

was.

I

I

time

it

it

now, but I'm a

from that point, because never

my lack of concern with this kind of thing been brought so my attention. It had been stated often enough by other people,

before had

forcefully to

but I

used to write

I

must

say,

but

It finally

it off.

My

still.

came home

at that point

—

a

little late,

wife tried to explain what she missed in our rela-

tionship by referring to "understanding" and "feelings."

But

I

simply did

not understand what these words meant to her. They didn't mean to

me

at the time.

And

among

therapy session, are what catalyzed the change, think she was probably right, even though

was talking about

much

discussions along these lines, including a family

at the time. It's

During the next three years

made

I

didn't really

other things.

know what

I

she

a lot sense since.

as a bachelor,

Barnes deliberately

He

room

in his life for personal relationships.

sisters

and her family than ever before, and had

made more

got closer to one of his

several affairs.

At 33 he

felt

ready to marry again. His courtship of Ann, though somewhat deliberate

and awkward, provided a good

basis for a relationship that

became

increas-

ingly intimate over the years.

Ann was

own

single, his

age,

and an extremely competent research

associate in a different area of biology.

to get the Ph.D. degree

and

She blamed

herself for her failure

for her limited professional

advancement, and

much satisfaction in her work for admired senior scientists. Her background, formative experiences and interests were so similar to John's that the two seemed to be "cut from the same cloth." Their rela-

she found

tionship,

though not very romantic or passionate, grew from congeniality

into a deep

bond

of affection

experienced before.

than competing

admired

his

and mutual understanding neither had ever well suited to play complementary rather

They were

roles, in

the social as well as the psychological sense. She

work and understood

his struggles in the competitive

academic

system. He, in turn, respected her as a scientific, intellectual and sports

companion and supported her

career aspirations.

They married

at 34, after

a year of courtship.

Settling

Down and Becoming

Barnes's stable 41,

life

One's

structure of the Settling

Down

Own Man period,

from age 34 to

was built upon the choices and developmental changes of the Age

The Thirty Transition. faculty

He

defined his tasks as a

and worked very hard

his wife

for

a

modest house

harbor. Avoiding formal social

of the senior

whenever

life

life

together and

became

town with

in a lovely small

possible, they led

a yacht

an active

often just the two of them, enjoying each other while working together

life,

in

new member

265

advancement. At the same time, he and

developed their relationship, built a

They bought

parents.

Life of John Barnes, Biologist

house and garden, hiking and

away from

Ann

but above

skiing,

relationship, as a

their beloved boat

others.

person and to share his personal concerns.

and emotional

issues that

was supportive to her through three her (and his) late

is

Occupationally, the Settling

self-confidence.

A

Ann

often drew his atten-

he had ignored. He,

the world; 'saving the world'

Down It

research career,

period began in the aftermath of his

is

some question

in fact, going to save

always couched in the terms that the world

have been saved and give you due adulation."

from the it

original discovery. If

three years

last

was high time to define a fundamental new problem and

most promising direction

had

He

he wanted a distinguished

to organize a large research enterprise. His uncertainty about

time, he

during

was a time of high hopes and great

with a shock, that he had been working for the

spin-off

in turn,

difficult years of psychoanalysis

was doing professionally was,

I

will recognize that they

grew into a minor

for his research

what was the crisis.

serious doubts about his creative talent. His

running a construction company fantasies of

deepening

their

year later, at 35: "There began to be

about whether what

first

more percep-

thirties.

big discovery and early promotion.

realized,

Through

he gradually learned to sense her moods, to understand her

tion to relationships

on the

on

Barnes, too, strictly controls her emotions, but she

and more strongly involved with

tive

all

it all.

now

reappeared in

full

force.

running bulldozers and of leaving science altogether.

For the

Dream

of

He had

The

crisis

short-lived, as he embarked on an ambitious new project. But young Professor Barnes found himself increasingly involved in the governing structure of his department. He became known as an articulate

was

much of He felt in-

speaker and leader. Teaching and administration began to take up his time, while his research project

moved

at a snail's pace.

creasingly constrained under an autocratic chairman.

At offers,

37,

Barnes became director of his

and received an

early

promotion to

own

lab,

refused several job

full professor.

His project had

been funded, but progress was slow and the chances for success uncertain.

At this on him

point, an old friend in the university administration put pressure

decline.

As

to take

on the chairmanship of

his friend

Barnes's ambition to

was well aware,

a related

department that was in

this special mission

become number one

appealed to John

as well as to his aristocratic sense

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

266

of noblesse oblige— all the tie

to Columbia.

would

On

more important because of his strong family knew that the chairmanship

the other hand, Barnes

and he had the

interfere with his research,

of administration as a

scientist's

low opinion

form of work. Despite serious misgivings, he began

the chairmanship at 38.

become

Barnes's striving to

attempt to become a

his

and

search;

own man proceeded

his

rank through pioneering

scientist of the first

advancement to leadership positions

his

along two lines:

in the laboratory

re-

and

the university. Between 33 and 37 he became a "senior member" in his institution. Yet, as hi told us several years later, he still felt very "junior,"

much

he had

as

was

too,

still

in relation to his family in childhood.

very limited.

The

His inner autonomy,

largely unrecognized "little

boy"

in

him

still

needed to become number one and constantly sought recognition from colleagues. This

deflected

made him

him from the

his

vulnerable to the pressures of the university and

pursuit of his

Dream.

John Barnes took his administrative mission seriously and strengthening the department during his three-year term. He

Predictably,

succeeded in looks back

on

ship to himself.

most of loss:

it

He

much

gave

to others.

He

in his view of society,

life,

less

and

in his relation-

time and energy to research, delegating

experienced this change with a profound sense of

he was separated not only from "the

lab," the symbolic cradle of

but from the creative part of his

At the same time, he

science,

came

Self.

be-

increasingly involved in policy issues affecting his department, his

university

and

his discipline at the national

became chairman tus

done. But the chairmanship brought major

this as a job well

changes in his professional

from the

in 1963,

crisis in

and

his social

the nation's

life

and international

levels.

He

involvement received great impeduring the 1960s.

He wanted

to

contribute not only to basic science but also to the solution of social

problems.

When

John and

not succeed.

Ann

Ann

were married, they tried to have children but did

then reconciled herself to

this

and invested more

in her

At 40 "the bombTerrified that parenthood would destroy pregnant. she was dropped" shell her career, her marriage and the degree of inner equilibrium she had achieved through psychoanalysis, she was angry with her husband for career.

She was

in psychoanalysis during her late thirties.

:

making her pregnant. John was pleased with the prospect of another child, but accepted her decision to get a legal abortion on the grounds of age. Legal permission for abortion was not granted. As she later realized, she

was

secretly delighted to

At

41,

Ann

father. Despite

become

a

mother.

delivered a healthy boy they

ample means

time mother for a while.

for paid help,

The

first

two

named Henry after decided to become

Ann

years of her "retirement"

John's a full-

were

ex-

The tremely

John Barnes, Biologist

Life of

She missed her work keenly and struggled with

difficult.

of resentment, depression

feelings

and anxiety about motherhood. This

stressful

own

mid-life

when her husband was moving

period began just

267

into his

crisis.

Barnes's lieved that

Dream assumed most

creative

greater urgency as

work

in science

is

he approached

done before then.

40.

A

He

be-

conversa-

made a lasting he had by now accepted

tion with his father's lifelong friend around this time

impression on him. his failure to

The

become

man

older

a "legal star"

confided that

and was content

respected tax lawyer.

He had

with the good

was "perfectly

life; it

be a competent and

to

decided that stardom all

right to

time, however, Barnes was not ready to scale

is

not synonymous

be second best." At the

down

own

his

ambition.

he decided to give up the chairmanship and devote himself

Instead,

fully

to his research.

He

stepped

project

moved

down from into

its

the chairmanship as he approached 41, and his

final phase.

This was a crucial time for him, the

culmination of years of striving. For several months, one distraction after

He became

another claimed his attention and heightened the suspense. father of a little boy,

and

Yale. Flattered

But

offer."

change

in the

excited,

he

end Barnes

felt

were

said:

now

that this was his "last chance for a big

said no.

of

"The kudos almost

the

a prestigious chair at

He

found that he could not make a

at this stage of his work. Also, their ties to family

their love of place,

She

and that same week was offered

much

and

greater importance to

got him, but

now we

are

and

friends,

him and Ann. both glad we

stayed."

The A

Mid-life Transition

few months after refusing the Yale

project

and solved the problem.

To

offer,

Barnes completed his research

his great disappointment, a

team

at

another university had found the solution two weeks sooner. Neither

Barnes nor his

rivals

were nominated for the Nobel Prize. Although

his

was

an achievement of great importance and brought him international recognition, Barnes

had

line of research

now

shifting

a feeling of

begun twelve

deep

failure.

years before.

At

The

41,

he had completed a

frontiers of biology

and there was no chance that the body of

his

work

throughout early adulthood would merit the prize in the future. not become a scientist of the

would ever do his early

so.

first

rank and there seemed

little

were built

He had

chance he

Completion of the project was the culminating event of

adulthood and the beginning of his Mid-life Transition.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

268

The

year immediately following the end of the project, from age 41 to had the character of a moratorium, a breathing spell when he avoided making new commitments but did a lot of inner work. In his mind, he

42,

and

was a

failure

later,

memories of

he could hardly

so painful that

still

was more able to identify what had happened:

often have wondered what would have happened had the problem been or 35 rather than 41. He finished it at the same "I-don't-know-ism" comes on at least judging by

when he was 25

finished

time that

—

this feeling of

our friends. Oh,

all

time were

this

discuss them. His wife I

During the interviews two years

his life lacked direction.

my

brother had

terribly.

it

He

was

But

just awful.

it

seems to get over by the time you're 45 or so. So that, combined with a sabbatical, finishing his problem, Henry suddenly forcing John to think about kids again ... he was

And

old enough now!

at the time. All of these together

three years.

The Barnes a

And added

While

while.

Guggenheim

was

I

made

to the fact that

it

had

fellowship. Barnes

where

my

his friend

ally.

He

more

fruitful,

found

I

first

it

two or

for

for a

very hard.

year in Europe, supported by

a post as a visiting professor at the

Dennis was a leading field.

Every-

scientist.

These

six

months

and were of even greater value person-

discovered that several of his European counterparts, even those

successful than he, were plagued

uncertainty

One

my

of

feelings of

disappointment and

fessionally

than

We

I

He

is

if

you

and approach

will,

discussed

to

age, marital

life.

It's

all

aspects of our family problems

suffering

And we both

and our

feelings

and the intimate

about where the future

very

it isn't

have

is

details

going.

from the same problem, you know: we've done what

—now what? He's

out to do ten or fifteen years ago

But

in

it.

Royal Society, a big wheel solved.

is

both have very strong professional drives which we discuss

of our professional lives

set

who

advanced pro-

a little further

considerably and aren't sure they're a very good thing.

We're both

with Dennis:

am, but we are almost identical in terms of

the tendency to lone-wolf

We

talks

very good friends happens to be an Englishman

problems, business problems,

amusing.

by

much like his own. He had long and intimate

almost precisely the same situation.

we

him

miserable for

where, Barnes was recognized as a pioneer in his

were professionally very

other^kids are just about

was not very helpful there

I

retiring, so to speak,

family spent half of that

British university

Oh,

just thinking:

the messy department situation, which was obvious

for

scientifically.

him and

it

You'd think

isn't for

me.

We

a fellow of the

this

would be

all

worry and talk about

this a great deal.

Although they preferred to consider these problems options and rational choices, Barnes and his friend

in terms of external

came

to confide

what

The

Life of John Barnes, Biologist

269

each could barely admit to himself: acute disappointment at not winning the Nobel Prize, a feeling of failure in the face of considerable achieve-

ment. They agreed that they had an inordinate desire for recognition, that

were

their lives

removed from

far too

dominated by ambition. They were self-contained,

others. In

good husbands or human Little

some way, not

clear to

them, they were not

Henry was then only

and Ann was having

a year old

a difficult

time with new motherhood and the interruption of her career. Both

and John

they were receiving

felt

as

beings as they wished to be.

Ann

from the other than they had before

less

the child was born. She was resentful toward

him

for the pregnancy.

He

resented her decision to care for the youngster in their comfortable English

house rather than accompany him on a

warm

Dennis and

friendship with

trip to

his

the Middle East. Only the

family kept

them from

feeling

utterly miserable.

During the year following improved

greatly.

Ann made

and learned that her

became involved

in

their return to

difficulties

community

were no worse than the

activities.

trips.

He

They bought

others'.

She

They enjoyed

taking

him on

kept them from long-distance sailing but

otherwise didn't interfere with their middle-aged feared.

life

Henry, a healthy and active but

"pretty easy" 3-year-old, was a great pleasure.

hiking and camping

Columbia, the family

friends with mothers of children Henry's age

a choice piece of land

lives as

much

as they

and made plans to build

and bigger home. This expressed Ann's growing sense of

a

had

new

herself as a wife

and mother and of her place within the community. She was much more content with her

life

and was not

suffering

from the old depressions. One

remaining problem was Ann's reluctance to have sexual relations because of her fear of another accidental pregnancy. Despite this,

43

this

year— felt very committed to

his marriage

John— who turned

and spoke warmly of

their increasing closeness.

Barnes's professional

life

too was in a state of transition.

It

took almost

monograph on the major project. He obtained grants to continue research in this area, and many students and junior faculty were employed in his lab. But his own interest in it was limited. He began a small project in a new area but was not ready to make

three years to complete his full

a big personal

Just as

investment in

it.

he began the new work, the university administration urged him

to take the chairmanship of his original department,

perate

straits.

accepted

Now

it

He was

which was

in des-

the unanimous choice for this mission and reluctantly

for a three-year term.

44, Barnes started the chairmanship

department.

He

also

became an

associate

and began to rebuild the

dean of the medical school and

THE SEASONS OF A

27O

MAN S

LIFE

informed himself about the school's organizational structure,

He

personalities.

challenge excited

politics

invested enormous time and energy in these tasks.

him and he was

Yet he did

clearly a fine administrator.

not see this as a valued or enjoyable part of his professional

and

The

life.

He

denied

any interest in leadership or power, and was frustrated because administration kept

him away from

research.

He

strongly maintained that he accepted

At the same time, he understood that this temporary assignment offered him a way to keep busy and feel useful while he did the inner work that would enable this

burden only out of

him

to take a

Barnes

new

felt

a sense of obligation to the university.

step.

that he had reached an impasse in his

now, he had been unable to make the basis

becoming

first

a scientist of the

critical decisions that

on which

Worse, he could not find a

For some time

life.

to

faced him.

make them. His Dream

of

rank had formerly given meaning to his

and provided clear goals. The enterprise of the first half of his life was now completed, but his Dream was unrealized and, as it seemed, unrealizlife

Suddenly there was nothing to

able.

strive for. Life

had no meaning.

In interviews just before and after his 44th birthday, Barnes expressed

an urgent need for a worthwhile enterprise to which he could devote his life.

But how could he define what was worthwhile?

ered giving up his profession. Perhaps

path chosen

when he was

12 years old.

it

He wanted

bution but could not think of a suitable over

all

aspects of his

tion: should

life.

He

seriously consid-

was a mistake to continue on

role.

to

The

make

ten interviews ranged

Again and again, he returned to the same ques-

he recommit himself to research? Each time he approached

the problem from a different angle, bringing out another conflict.

came

clear that

ing to cially

he was working on a number of mid-life

manage the

issues

It be-

and attempt-

painful feelings associated with them. This was espe-

hard because of his

One problem was

rationalistic

approach.

the discrepancy between his youthful

Asked whether he had come

actual accomplishment. failure to

a

a social contri-

win the Nobel

Prize,

about coming to terms with

Dream and

he frankly admitted: "Well,

it,

but clear recognition of

anything (in research) worth doing

the prize

if

is

his

to terms with his

it,

still

I

don't

certainly.

know So

is

not around the

corner?"

Despite his justified pride in himself as not "in the

first

many

rank."

To

past accomplishments, he regarded a

man

of his aspirations, this was

a bitter blow.

I

think

at the

I

can place myself

moment

as being, well,

fairly accurately

in the scientific

toward the top of the second

spectrum

class.

There

The

—

are the real luminaries at the top

then there's the

how

regardless of

rest of us, arrayed in various rings

would stand

class, I

Life of John Barnes, Biologist

fairly well,

And

they got there.

below. In the second

think, in terms of reputation in

I

271

my own

field.

think the status level at the

I

know, good, the way

moment

I'd like to think of

it is.

my mind

know,

a very

it's

.

.

.

He

away" very

if

often

he reduced

much

but obviously something's

as well as

everybody

else's.

don't

I

his

pessimism about his prospects

as a

was in excellent health and participated actively in several

Though he

sports.

You

that's probably

a very tough business.

it's

Concern about aging increased researcher.

deserves.

it

And

hard to see that happening at the moment. So,

a little

it's

about what

brilliant.

differently,

it

going to have to happen to change

And

just

is

but not

solid, well-recognized

his

felt fatigued,

he thought "much of

work pressures and got more

afraid of a decline in his

it

exercise.

mental powers and

would go

But he was

creativity:

"One

does atrophy," and "I haven't had a really good idea in years." At times he is

eager to begin work on a big problem in the

new

area, to feel creative

and

may be

too

experience again the excitement of discovery. But he fears late for

him:

The the

it

only problem that interests or not topple

field,

to begin at the

it,

but, well

fundamental

level.

otherwise well-understood system

is

me

is

the one which

—shake

its

is

foundations.

To work out one more to

me

just

going to topple

We

really

have

on some But, I mean,

detail

not interesting.

But going right along parallel with that feeling is also the feeling that: Jesus, you know, you're getting on and It's characteristic of the field, as we all know, it's not historically well documented, but by the time you're 40 you've blown it. the decision about what to do is an agonizing one because it's a most of

also impossible to do, for

it's

.

.

.

.

us.

.

.

little late. If

you make a mistake now,

in the lab and,

you know, use up

a few

as though you can run back months of your time. If you decide

it isn't

large it means cranking out a tremendous machine, some people, to get the job going and the lab set up, and it takes a long time. If you're going to do it, and you make a mistake, you've lost not a few months but a few years. And that's too long. to

do anything, by and

to get

money,

to hire

So you have to choose around

now

something is

and, uh,

wisely.

how

that's a little

Well, goddamnit, there's a

are

more

you going

to

intelligent than

generally that you do not. So

it's

make

lot of

smart

fellas

sure that you choose

what they do? And the answer

a very agonizing problem.

And

since the

coming along are very good, and have got a little more time to worry about it than you do, there's the tendency to think that, well, maybe this lab work really isn't so important, you know. Maybe we can make our contribution in some other area. young

fellows

"

THE SEASONS OF A

272

We

MAN S

:

LIFE

might say that John Barnes was

image of himself

recently,"

he

hands

That

to.

One was

up the

aware of several

the sense of omnipotence. "Until very

said, "I really felt that is

in the process of giving

He had become

the youthful hero.

as

about himself.

illusions

:

could do anything

I

slowly going now,

But

think.

I

this

would put

I

my

was a very strong

component of the whole thing. Another trait about which he felt great shame and embarrassment was the wish for kudos— for great recognition and acclaim

What I

I

could do

keep thinking

my own

and why don't we the answer

where

here's

me, which

There

is

like to

just

my

head

institution is

is

do

get off in a corner where

is

Now why

see.

impression

isn't that totally satisfying

Well,

in that direction?

that the answer

is

is

I

don't

know what

very unpleasant.

And

simply can't get away from the thing that really does trouble

I

an intense desire

Now

for kudos.

are various levels within that.

important

there

but

is,

would

I

work, and just

By

all

that

means being recognized.

odds the most intense and most

one's professional colleagues; most, of course, are not at the

where you work. The only way

to carry out research

which

highly significant, the larger the

in

which you maintain kudos

significant in quality and,

is

amount the more the kudos

if

it

is

You much

obviously.

have a team that is producing the maximum amount, which is always more than you can do with your own hands. It's a big organization. So you sit behind a desk and you don't do anything, really, you become a research administrator, willy nilly.

.

.

.

You

realize

very quickly, even with

graduate students, that there's a thing that counts. Sure, thing accomplished, but for I

it

from your

suppose. But

why

does

it

count?

peers, scientifically. ... it

I

It

the

getting some-

it's

counts because you get kudos

realized this as a graduate student,

didn't really take the kind of grip that

it

has at the

moment.

He would like to overcome this

Why if

be

"first"

What difference does it make? It must be something missing from one's inner be supported by having the adulatory comments of the

do you want kudos anyway?

doesn't. It seems to

man

childish wish to

you need to

me

there

external world in whatever form they come.

Barnes's relationships with students and colleagues provide a beautiful

example of

a

man

more

longer accept a

mentor himself

in the

is

middle of

a generational transition.

senior person as mentor.

attractive,

but he

is

The

just starting to

idea of

move

He

can no

becoming

a

in that direc-

The issue of mentoring came up in his response to a picture in the Thematic Apperception Test showing a young man and a middle-aged man. Barnes told a story about two actual scientists: the youthful Perutz tion.

working with

his

mentor,

Sir

Lawrence Bragg. In the

story,

they are talking

.

The

:

.

Life of

John Barnes, Biologist

about a problem Bragg "gave" to Perutz, for which the protege

Nobel Prize some twenty

.

273

won

the

and the interviewer

years later. Later, Barnes

had the following exchange: djl: In i960, you were Perutz, right? (Barnes bursts into laughter.) b:

And now we're Bragg (laughing) Which one are you now?

djl: b:

My

ideas are

still

confident about that as

Maybe

djl: b:

anybody

else's.

I'm

middle

in the

to put myself there.

I

is

somewhere

still

in the

middle

an accurate description.

really

the sense of thinking and doing myself.

to put myself in the

Bragg situation. Not that he doesn't have a

still,

we're not of that advanced scientific age.

have no one

in the

Perutz category.

It's

The

hard to have

I

have nobody that I'm fostering as an individual,

I

think, "Boy, this

is

the greatest guy to

it

much

Incredible! I'm just not used to that at

all.

When

ings.

I

must

say.

est

older.

That,

younger, because

me

very recently that

men

[chuckles].

me, and

This has ramifications in

that's all

come

as

one's deal-

During

I

think,

is

dictated by

my

he was a year or

early experience as the

young-

in the family.

his early forties the social value of his

of his life have

work and the meaning

assumed increasing importance for him. In his twenties

and

Barnes had enjoyed work "at the expense of other responsibilities,"

and had taken

for granted that his

Transition he

The

really

always tended to think, until very recently, that the other fellow's

member

thirties

I

pike."

ideas were probably better than mine, because in general

two

lot left,

the students think about

talking to younger faculty, they are not including I

?

member complex"

has only become evident to

a shock,

.

kind of a situation.

within our department I'm looked on as one of the older

something of

.

don't

It's difficult

other thing,

this

come down the

In this connection, he referred to his "youngest

I'm amused that

.

I

have a feeling that there's something

left professionally, in

but

life

not quite as

just

used to be (laughter)

you're the guy in between,

Somewhere

know how

I

better than

came

work had

social value.

During the Mid-

to question this.

questioning was stimulated partly by social changes occurring in

the late 1960s, changes that echoed Barnes's self-devaluation.

One was

own

inner depression and

the dethroning of the scientist as culture hero.

Science and technology were no longer hailed as instruments of progress,

but attacked research, the

as

agents of destruction and dehumanization. Instead of

new movements demanded

social

change and greater

"rele-

vance" in the university. At the same time, the Nixon administration was sharply curtailing funds for basic research and graduate education. For

:

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

274

LIFE

on what he held most

Barnes, these were direct attacks

could not help but agree with the

The new element must admit very

much

clearly

is

isn't that

gram."

.

public.

I

As

.

and today

"in,"

—which

I

Yet I'm

think

The

I

tenor of the public

what

care or pretzels or

now

it

me

think the real shocker to

also inclined to

on with the

research, let's get

tremendous, we got to the moon, .

a very disturbing one,

is

"out."

goddamned

—health

a definite change.

much

very

it's

hell with this

something"

delivery of

been injected

that's

Yet he

that in the early sixties research in molecular biology was

is

"The

is:

Which

—

sacred.

critics:

let's

they want.

is

was:

close

"My God,

up the

pro-

be sympathetic with the feelings of the

maybe we do have more than we need. had

a liberal in the late 1960s, Barnes

difficulty finding public goals

movements worth joining, and this coincided with his personal sense of futility. While his' own commitment to science was in question, he couldn't see his way to a new role, either as a teacher or an worth pursuing or

He felt guilty applying for research

administrator. guess

I

social

have a hang-up on

I

any significance

There

is

The

that.

funds

only problem

population control, in which

any other single problem which makes the

isn't

can see that's of

I

have no expertise at

I

all.

slightest bit of differ-

ence. If you don't solve the population problem, you can forget the rest

of

it.

At

44, in his

more

optimistic moods, he was attracted by various hu-

manitarian causes and social programs, perhaps most strongly by efforts to rebuild the inner

luxurious

no

life

cities.

He

was appalled

and the squalid housing

at the contrast

in the city nearby.

between

his

own

However, he had

special expertise in this field.

Probably in this day and age

it's

almost impossible to consider making

a positive contribution. So the other

something which

is

way

clearly not negative.

tions like the Peace Corps, say the answer at the

.

to look at .

which seems to be so

moment

is

it is,

you want to do

I'm very intrigued by organiza-

.

totally altruistic.

very mixed. I'm not at

all

I

would

convinced that

in that way. Sometimes you may help people most by hitting them over the head with a brick at least a figurative one. It's

you can help people

—

very hard to

know how

to

be

altruistic.

help people in the standard way

.

.

we thought

.

It's

very clear that you don't

in the past

about helping them.

Barnes had found no basis at 44 on which to make new ultimate despair is that life may have no meaning at all:

life

choices.

The

The

thing that's distressing to

goal that

I

consider worthwhile.

me I

at the

moment

have to couch

it

is

the absence of a

in the

framework of

The

John Barnes, Biologist

Life of

But

science, because that's the only thing I'm really trained to do.

the problem

is

perfectly general.

worth having at the moment.

me much more

worries

.

.

don't in

I .

This

all

think

honesty see a goal that's

what

is

I

275

me

really shakes

up. It

than what the hell I'm going to do in the next

year or two in detail. Usually people say, well, you know, the preservation of the

cerned,

human

Why?

race.

that's all there

if

to

is

That's not a useful goal as far as I'm con-

it.

Barnes often asked himself whether

it

was

really necessary to

have a

His brother-in-law had retired early and enjoyed himself, but this did

goal.

not seem satisfactory:

There are two things

—being

enjoy

I

of these are just personal enjoyments.

contributes a

mean,

month my resign

damn

what?

so

thing to anybody

don't know,

I

wife and

and go

off

it's

in a lab and being on a boat. Both But neither one of them necessarily else.

Now

tough to

come into

I

About twice a

decide we're going to toss in the sponge. We'll just

I

It certainly sticks

you away from everything and you don't have anymore. But

Even the wish

that's all right; it.

on the boat. The youngster's old enough,

problem. That's marvelous.

to anything

maybe

really see

it

isn't

so that's

no

your head in the sand, gets to bother

about contributing

enough.

for symbolic immortality,

for leaving a legacy, has

question:

But the leaving behind thing is intimately related to the question of I think it makes a damn whether anybody leaves anything behind or not. That's a value judgment on society. If it really isn't worth saving, whether

then whether you leave something behind or not

really doesn't

make any

difference.

John Barnes's pessimism despair.

and

in

before.

The

at

44 expressed yet another aspect of mid-life

dark side of life— death and destructiveness,

himself— came home to him

He wanted

in a

who

to be the hero

evil in

the world

more immediate way than ever gains immortality by saving the

world; and at the same time he wanted to destroy the world or run away

and

let it

destroy

had doubts that

Along with

itself.

society

is

his strong

worth saving:

"My

humanitarian concerns, he

feelings

about humanity are

unprintable." It

was apparent from Barnes's description of

his dreams, of his prob-

lems in dealing with anger, of his attitude toward the interviewing (he

once half-jokingly reproached the interviewer for having "singularly failed" to redefine

and solve

his

were beginning to mean a

problems )

,

much more

change going on more generally

that in this phase of his to him. This reflected

life feelings

and

intensified

in the course of his Mid-life Transition.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

276

Barnes had always presented himself as a rational, tough-minded person, somewhat removed from others and rather unaware of his own feelings. Now he was becoming much more interested in understanding others and

when people

himself. Just a few years earlier, he was astonished

told

him

how angry he had gotten at a meeting; now he began admitting to his wife how angry he got at meetings. The change was also evident in his relationship with his father. Until his early forties, this relationship had been rather distant. He was not able to say much about his father's death when it occurred, but his grief and anger were indirectly expressed in the themes of death, violence and aban-

donment

described in his dreams. At the end, he reminisced about his

father for the

much he

first

time, said

how

'Very fond" he had been of

him

regretted that his father never permitted

him and how know him.

truly to

Gradually, John Barnes was losing the illusion of immortality. His

growing sense of mortality was expressed the Thematic Apperception Test. buried in her arms: ''She

It

trauma— there really isn't any future!" When we talked with John Barnes

He

tion was ending.

was

woman

was of a

still

greatly clarified his problems

this

a picture in

with her face is

part of the

again at age 46, his Mid-life Transi-

some

struggling with

of the contradictions in

and had not found any one thing to replace

his life

sitting

"Maybe

distraught/' he said.

is

comment on

in his

his

and had begun to define

Dream. But he had a life structure for

middle adulthood. His family his mother's

life

was continuing along the

death soon after his

lines established earlier.

father's, John's

generation of the family was complete. He, into their

new home by the

down

He was

at

Satisfied

46 and began a large project in his new research

elected to the National

The most

Ann and Henry had moved

which gave them much pleasure.

department chairman had been accomplished, he

that his mission as

stepped

sea,

With

entry into the oldest

Academy

field.

of Science.

change between 44 and 46 was his greatly decreased concern for advancement and recognition, and his ability to gain intrinsic satisfaction

sidering

recently a

home

effort,

striking

from work and

how to made a

loan to a Black university

in the suburbs.

but

it

social contribution.

He and

his wife

were con-

They had employee, enabling him to buy

use their wealth in a socially constructive way.

clearly

Barnes belittled this

meant

problems for the recipient

a great deal to

as a

mere "conscience-salving"

him.

in this relationship

He

was sensitive to the

and concerned about mem-

bers of the man's family in an individualized way.

A

second change was the waning tyranny of the

Dream and

a lessened

compulsion "to do the right thing," in favor of greater inner autonomy.

The

"And

so I'm

whether

he

it's

coming around

to the point of view that

it

really isn't so

277

much

administration or straight research or teaching or whatever,"

'The burning

said.

Life of John Barnes, Biologist

issue

is

that the collection of things you

seem worthwhile, from your own point of view." At 50 Barnes had shaped a relatively satisfactory middle adulthood. His marriage and family

life

life

do should

structure for

continued to go well. His

wife had found a satisfactory balance between involvement in family, part-

time professional work and the ecology movement. His relationship with son gave him great satisfaction.

his nine-year-old

duties as

head of

a large laboratory,

manships and other leadership positions involved in the creative

new

research projects

He had

administrative

but resisted pressures to take chairin the university.

He

and discovered with

was actively

relief that his

powers were undiminished. His lab was sought out by a stream of

graduate students and postdoctoral fellows, and he greatly enjoyed his

mentor

relationships with several talented

He had

young people.

given up the image of himself as a youthful hero going out to

save the world, but had not yielded to the threatening specter of the

man.

dried-up, dying old

He

accepted himself as a middle-aged

man

of

considerable achievement, experience and integrity— and of serious short-

comings.

He

content to

felt privileged to

make

a

modest

citizen, scientist, teacher

sense of well-being.

be able to do work he enjoys, and he was social

contribution

as

parent,

and mentor to the younger generation.

concerned

He had

a

m A man early say,

Entering

Middle Adulthood

in the Mid-life Transition as long as

is

adulthood and

initiating

he

is

involved in terminating

middle adulthood— as long

as

he

within the great divide that separates and connects the two

so to

is,

eras.

At

around 45 (plus or minus two years), the developmental tasks change. He can no longer give so much energy to reappraising the past and reintegrating the polarities.

hood.

The main

It is

tasks

time to begin a new period, Entering Middle Adult-

now

are to

make

meaning and commitment, and build Entering the Adult transition

and

is

World

life

structure for the start of a

satisfactory provisional choices during the Mid-life

Transition and by 45 are ready to

new

around them. Like

a life structure

in the twenties, this period follows a cross-era

devoted to forming a

new era. Some men make create a

crucial choices, give these choices

structure.

commit themselves

to these choices

These men form an integrated structure

and

early in

Entering Middle Adulthood and use the remainder of this period to enrich their lives within this

framework (see Ralph Ochs and Richard Taylor,

is most work of the Mid-life Transition

below). This sequence

choices that a ally

man made

during the early

likely to

serves

occur

when

the developmental

mainly to reaffirm and enhance the

in a previous period, or that

he made provision-

forties.

For example, Richard Taylor decided

at

40 to make novel writing his

primary occupation. This was an important but provisional choice.

If it

had not worked, he would have been faced at 42 or 45 with the dreadful task of giving it up and forming another occupation. Fortunately, it did work, and by 45 the occupation of novelist had become a pillar for his emerging life structure. Similarly, at 40 he married the woman he had loved for several years; they hoped for a good and durable marriage but did not yet

know what

this crucial

but provisional choice,

established in his

they could build together. Over the next few years like that of occupation,

became

firmly

life.

In most cases, a

man

is

not able to form a stable structure at the

start

Entering Middle Adulthood

of Entering

Middle Adulthood. For various

him

does not feel right to they will help sustain

and build

a

new

it.

or does not

reasons, the life

work well enough

he has

279 at

45

for others so that

Although he wants to make major commitments

structure,

not easy to do

it is

He may

so.

need most of the

period of Entering Middle Adulthood to establish the choices on which a

new

life

structure can be built.

Many new steps must be taken, and their A man may separate from his wife,

widely.

exact nature and phasing vary quit his job, terminate a

sig-

move away from

his

mentor or

nificant relationship with a friend,

lover,

present neighborhood or region, break out of his whole early adult world.

These

are, as

were, negative choices.

it

he may succeed

in

improving

his life,

They

which

create a space within

may

but he

tempo-

find himself

rarily—and unhappily— suspended within this space until he can go on to

make some

The

and

positive choices

start

the restructuring.

rebuilding process, too, requires

many

steps.

He must do some him— and often

exploring to determine what options the world holds for there seem to be none.

He

has to

make and

Some do not work; he has to overcome He may enter a series of casual or

choices.

go on to others.

test

various preliminary

his

disappointment and

serious love relationships

before finding one that provides a mutually satisfactory basis for enduring choice;

may

he may find that the answer

find

no answer.

settling for

graphical

one that

He may suits

is

no such relationship

at

all;

or he

try several jobs, or several occupations, before

him well— or

moves before finding

He may make

poorly.

a place that

he

several geo-

him

likes or that offers

a

tolerable niche.

In short, an integrated structure

Middle Adulthood, or not

at

all.

may emerge

A man

long as his predominant developmental task structure.

The

period ends

when

early or late in Entering

stays in this period, is

however, as

to create a satisfactory

new

the task changes and he enters a

transition.

men go

Let us look at some of the diverse ways in which ing Middle Adulthood. As I've mentioned, the in age

from 35 to 45 during the

initial

viewed a few years

later.

four

men

about Enter-

our study ranged years later

We

had minor contact result,

we have

we

did

chosen for more

Namson, Paulsen and Tracy) were

viewing with a few others. As a the

The

in

Two

interviewing.

follow-up interviews with most of them. intensive study (Barnes,

men

again inter-

after the regular inter-

additional information on

age 45, of fifteen men who were aged 42 to 45 at the outset. the basis of these lives, we have constructed a picture of the changes

lives, after

On

that occur in Entering

Middle Adulthood. Although

sketchy than those for the preceding periods,

it

this picture

is

more

does show some of the

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

280

common themes and age at which

it

individual variations during this period.

began was

The

45.5.

reached 47 without beginning this before 43 or after 48.

Taking each occupational group several

men

The

average

was 44, and none of the period. doubt that it can

earliest

We

in turn,

men start

shall describe the lives of

I

Entering Middle Adulthood.

in the period of

Workers The

workers, like the other occupational groups, exhibit a wide range of

and

variability in. the nature

satisfactoriness of the life structures they

form

Middle Adulthood.

in Entering

Perhaps the most stable, yet continually evolving

was that of Ralph

life

Ochs. At 45, he is still working in the plumbing department of the factory where, at 18, he started as an apprentice to his father. A man of great

and modest

integrity

early

aspirations,

he enriched

his life over the course of

adulthood by his active involvement in organizing and running a

union, becoming a shop steward, and, as he passed 40, having increasingly

mentorial relationships with other workers. His major investment

He

in his family.

He would

three adolescent children. eldest son

Ochs

is

recognizes that this

trolling.

He

like all three to

is

a source of tension

between them, and he

takes delight in the talents

an active

Larry Strode tary service in

he was a

is

and insight to be helpful but not overly con-

and

projects of his youngest daugh-

the brightest and most successful of the children.

at being

go to college. His

graduating from high school and has no interest in college.

trying with considerable tact

ter,

now

is

speaks with unusual perceptiveness and caring about his

He

enjoys and works

father.

left a

Black middle-class

World War

skilled worker,

II.

At

home

in the

South following

40, after fifteen years in the

same

shop steward and occasional foreman.

mili-

factory,

He

was

oppressed by the realization that he could advance no further in industry

and that

his life

was of

little

value.

During

his Mid-life Transition

(age

40 to 45 ) he started his own barber shop, continued at the factory, completed high school, explored the work world for alternative occupations, ,

and

tried desperately to

improve

his failing marriage.

he had long wanted a career that would more minds and

souls.

At

45, Strode

The

son of a minister,

directly benefit

began to build a new

life structure.

human

He

left

the factory and became a mental health worker at a local hospital, while

continuing to manage his barber shop.

He

separated from his wife, and

Entering Middle Adulthood

divorced her a few years a

new occupation and

marriage, with

him, he was

later.

family

During the

he

late forties

281

tried to develop

(including the children of his former

life

whom

he was strongly involved). At 49, when we last saw beginning to succeed in making a life different from that

just

of his early adulthood.

Perhaps the most devastating story

He moved

Southern Black worker.

that of

is

Luke Doby, an uneducated

north at 16, married at 18, became a

He

construction worker and raised a family of eleven children.

37th year as a season of funerals

At 38

die."

his spleen

further childbearing. decline.

He

When He

:

was removed and

him and

had surgery to prevent

own man. Doby was working as a

a precipitous

could find no way to become his

saw him

I first

at 41,

to leave construction work,

The

masculine and a source of pride. torial,

his wife

These events marked the beginning of

regarded this as the worst year of his

forced

recalls his

"Every time you look around, somebody

life.

janitor in a factory.

His medical condition had

which he symbolized

He

was "inside," feminine and demeaning.

this

as "outside,"

only jobs he could find were

jani-

was becoming

obsolete in the family, which his wife was managing largely with welfare funds.

At

Over the next

his request,

several years

he would drop by

victim of bizarre accidents.

robbed and dumped miles

A

office occasionally.

helped arrange for his brief hospitalization at 43,

I

was drinking heavily and afraid to go "on the

back.

my

street."

He

Once he was picked up in a car by some men, away with severe stab wounds in the chest and

he was struck by a motorcycle and

year later

when he

was the repeated

lost

an eye.

A

state

mental hospital admitted him several times, and released him without adequate discharge plans. Twice he was in rehabilitation programs that gave

but

brief on-the-job training

by

his wife.

When

I

saw him

left

him unemployable. At 46 he was divorced

last, at

47,

he was getting

of a permanently unemployed, disabled, isolated

stabilized in the life

man, barely connected to

(now aged 9 to 30) and having few ways to "pass the time." Luke Doby made a profound impression on me and remains a curiously important figure in my mind. He reminds me of a story by Poe his children

called

The

"The Man

of the

narrator observes a

Crowd"

man

that

I

read

more than

walking in the downtown crowd, with a man-

ner so mysterious that he decides to follow him. lessly

for hours.

anywhere; he

is

haunted by a past so painful that the story cannot be a present that has

some

all

but

The man wanders aimman is not going

In the end, Poe realizes that the

and he endures years,

thirty years ago.

that awaits

the next phase of his

life.

him

no meaning. He may is

death.

He

told,

live briefly or for

can find no way to begin

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

282

William Paulsen: Completing Early Adulthood and Entering Middle Adulthood For

the Mid-life Transition was troubled. As

Bill Paulsen, too,

Chapter

8,

he began

his Settling

built a life structure that

components

tral

White

first

his

The

years.

of his life during the thirties were his job at

and

in

period around the age of 32, and

remained stable for the next eight

in Florida, his family

For the

Down

we saw

cen-

Bowles &

new home.

time, Bill felt established in an occupation that provided

an opportunity for advancement. operator," which was his

He

euphemism

the routine tasks of processing data.

described himself as a "computer

for a job as a clerical

He

worker

who

did

was paid by the hour and earned

$75 a week. As data processing became more important to Bowles & White's operation, he assumed a more supervisory role. He taught new people

how

My

computers and supervised their work.

to operate

computer operators would often read

a procedure

experienced programmer and not understand what the tell

them. So the engineers would bring

and

say,

if

"Here,

would you read

Bill,

some

in

this? See

if

trying to

new procedures

of their

you can understand

those nuts that you got working for you can understand

what we can do

written by an

man was

to get the information across to

them."

it.

I

Let

I

it

with

And nobody would

my

computer people.

say a word,

I'd say,

no questions

and

went back and

suggested, "Let's reword this or put an extra step in this procedure."

would go over

it

me know Then

"Okay, any questions?"

at all. I'd say, "All right,

you

guys are on your own."

He

saw himself

between workers and managers, helping each

as a link

group understand the other. confessor."

Soon he aspired

processing section. scription of his

A

He to

was a "chaplain," mediator and "father

become the

supervisor of the entire data-

thread of self-deception ran through Paulsen's de-

He

life.

workers and managers.

exaggerated his talent for mediating between

Not wanting

to think of his job as clerical,

he was

overly optimistic about his chances for advancement. So, as he established

himself in the job, he was sowing the seeds of future problems.

Down

His family was a key element in the Settling

continued to

was

still

angrily

feel that

difficult for

he would be "completely

them

to talk openly,

and

lost"

all

life structure.

without Ruth.

He It

too easy to withdraw

from budding disputes. Whatever the problems, the marriage

He

difficulties as a part of

being

Beneath the appearance of an unchanging marriage, however,

their

remained valuable to him.

accepted the

married.

I

:

Entering Middle Adulthood

life

was

in fact

When

going through major modifications.

Ruth had become pregnant and given it

They were no longer a more Bill began to think more

life.

family.

and the kind of

in terms of the future

33,

up." Instead, they saw themselves as

home and

mature, stable and devoted to

was

birth to their only child. Pete's

birth radically altered the nature of their

young couple out "whooping

Bill

283

life

he wanted for the three of

them. Ruth expressed the meaning of Pete's birth

this

purpose to go on or something to build toward.

I

way: "It gave us a

think our lives were

never complete before he came."

Paulsen drew a happy portrait of himself as father to Pete.

He saw

himself as a kind, interested and companionable father to his son, as his

had been to him. But he acknowledged that

father

were mixed: "I can't

He

him."

and

marked by

his persisting boyishness.

a brother to Pete.

Pete, unfortunately,

He knows

get.

no

say

with him sometimes and

to

is

Ruth understood

spoiled.

me, but you can.

fight. Pete's

.

off,

.

." If I

to

be both a

to

anything he wants he should

He

him.

leave the

upset.

me, "Daddy can't

tells

two of them alone,

they'll

said

had always been important

own. During the

first

I'll

come

in

and

say,

something the wrong way.

mad

at

He

me." But within an hour,

one another.

important part of the Settling

Florida. It

I

stalked off into his room. He's

half hour, they're back loving

their

feels that

no

gone into his room and closed the door.

"What's happened?" "He got

An

He

his father cannot say

He wanted

this well

go out for an hour and come back and there's been some sort of a

fight. I

went

can't live without

I

exercised the responsibilities of fatherhood, but his relationship

to Pete was

father

live

his feelings for Pete

Down

structure was their

for the Paulsens to

home

in

have a place of

three years in Florida, they had a "small but

& White. "Sharemoved into the area and "it began to look like a pig sty." Along with many of their friends, Bill and Ruth decided to move. They beautiful place" while Bill established himself at Bowles

croppers" then

found

the house they wanted near Fort Lauderdale.

just

My wife and I often said when we came back would give us nothing but pleasure if there was a way to lift that house off its foundation and fly it up to New York or Connecticut and put it down on a piece of property. It was a beautiful, comfortable home. It

was a beautiful home.

here that

By age

He

it

35, Bill

had established

developed a strong love of

his family in the

fishing,

leisure-time activity. "I love to fish,"

learned this from fish until

my

midnight.

and

he

it

said.

didn't catch

one

they

all

six in

fish I'd still

wanted.

a very important

"I'm the type of

father— who could go out at

If I

home

became

man—

the morning and

be happy because

I

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

284

had

by myself or with a group of guys and

a chance to get out

and have

a little fun/' This

was a good time in

was doing better than before.

home and

family,

from the age

He had

and enjoyable

He had come

leisure activities.

thirty crisis. His greater self-confidence

Paulsen was

38, his

and

after a long family

a duodenal ulcer

and was hospitalized

realized that his mother's presence placed

and

their marriage. Six

to Virginia. Although

months was a

it

In his late

thirties,

of the

else

and that

whole department. Without

give the impression that

encouragement

The

family.

I

I

family then agreed to

"my

capabilities

were

far

would probably become supervisor

realizing

it,

was above everybody

for this view of himself,

would walk around and

I

else." After receiving

no

he began to wonder whether he

was capable of handling a supervisory position: inadequate, he had no experience in

he sent her back

he chose to support Ruth

Paulsen came to feel that

above those of anybody

of the tension,

an intolerable burden on Ruth

difficult decision,

demands of his mother and mother in a nursing home.

great de-

a source of

again. Finally, Bill

after his mother's arrival,

against the

place his

made

Her presence again became

and Ruth. Perhaps because

intense conflict between Bill

Ruth developed

were

mother.

mother joined them

trying.

way

a long

assertiveness

squabble. Although she lived in a nearby apartment, she

mands and was enormously

he

a gratifying occupation, a beautiful

reflected in another difficult encounter with his

When

just relax

his life. In every respect

his

qualifications

management and no

were

training to

be a

manager.

By

39, his

begun to

He

felt

sour.

dream of becoming

Bill

was

ready and eager for advancement.

well and earned the support to

a supervisor at

For more than a year

Bowles & White had

in a state of intense conflict.

He

thought he had performed

and affirmation of the company.

He wanted

own man

within the

be a more senior member, to become more

his

organization and to assume greater responsibility and authority.

On

the

other hand, he had doubts about his managerial abilities and education.

became clear that he was not going to be promoted. He had gone as he could at Bowles & White. Bill, Ruth and Pete were comfortably settled in Florida. He liked working for Bowles & White, but he wanted urgently to get promoted. What should he do? Should he settle for what he had or try to get what he wanted elsewhere? At 40, Bill and Ruth decided to move back north, largely on his initiaIt

far as

tive.

His reasons were complex. In our view, his sense of urgency reflected

the need to failed to get

become it.

his

own man. He knew what he wanted, but he had

Bowles & White did not affirm

Florida full of self-doubt, yet driven to try again.

his aspiring self.

He

left

Entering Middle Adulthood

While

285

make this decision at 39, Paulsen had developed chest become convinced that he had heart disease. Extensive

trying to

pains and had

medical investigation had indicated that his pain was muscular and caused

by

Though

his "nervousness."

older and as vulnerable to disease, disability

The move began

New

great tension

he

time, moreover, he thought of himself as being

first

down on

care of himself, cutting

he was aware

relieved,

& White and the

of the toll taken by his defeat at Bowles

was under. For the

had been

his anxiety

and death.

his drinking

good job

well. Paulsen got a

He

began to take

and trying to stop smoking. Bing

at the

Company

in

York, in the computer section of a plant that built aerospace simu-

He

lators.

at Bowles & White and, most important, his him and took an interest in him. When his another plant in Hampton, New York, he warmly

was paid more than

young engineer,

boss, a

boss was transferred to

liked

Pleased, he accepted the invitation even meant another move. In Hampton, he was "an administrator in charge of all their documentation for computer application," and procured the software for the computer operation. The computers were used with various aerospace simulators. During his first three months at Hampton, he was involved in developing the simulation for the Apollo invited Paulsen to join him.

though

it

spacecraft.

Paulsen then worked on the Lunar Excursion

He and

program.

his family spent eight

as a "technical administrator"

nedy

for the installation of a

He

time for him.

and valued

efforts

felt

project.

LEM

Module

in Texas,

He

for the space

where he worked

next went to

Cape Ken-

simulator. This was an exciting

he was doing a good

job; his boss appreciated his

his capabilities.

thought from

I

on the

second

months

all

appearances that

I

was going to be going someplace

up those aerospace installations. I was going someplace in the sense that I might go up to supervisor over a small group of people after

I

finished

or even a manager. This was almost intimated to

up

This was in

and

his boss

he had tion. It

had

me

by

a couple of people

there.

finally

and

the high point of Paulsen's work career.

felt his

done well enough,

looked

first

many ways

his job,

as

though

his

boss liked and supported him. at 42, to

gamble would pay

sought in Florida would at

was reassuring

be promoted to

that, for the first time,

last

be

off,

He

He

liked

believed

a supervisory posi-

and that the goal he

his at the

Bing Company.

It

he had a boss who was interested in

helping him.

His boss was then made managing director of a program to develop a simulator for the F-111 fighter plane.

He

asked Bill to join him. Bill

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

286

agreed. "I figured,, this

is it."

After a few months on the

knew he had made

ever, Bill

a mistake.

F-m

The program was

project,

how-

"going steadily

down, down, down." Instead of being promoted to supervisor, he was doing the same work as before. He became moody and argumentative.

The

whom

situation worsened. His boss, to

he had tied

his

own

future, left

the company. In serious corporate difficulty, Bing merged with the Western

Corporation. Shortly after this a Bill Paulsen. Bill's

number

gamble

at

of employees were laid

40— to

give

find a supervisory job in the

East— had

ing event of the Settling

Down

off.

up the good

failed at 42.

Among them

life in

was

Florida and

This was the culminat-

period and the start of the Mid-life

Transition.

The Settling Down period thus proved to be a time of sharp contrasts. With the move to Florida at 32, he had created a stable and satisfying life

He

structure.

established himself in a promising

He and Ruth had Then he to

hope

home

a

and

they loved. Fishing became a major avocation.

reached for more than he could obtain.

become

to

satisfying occupation.

It

was not unreasonable

a supervisor in his unit, a higher hourly job.

But super-

vising "the whole department," and moving up to a management position, was a huge leap. It is seldom made, especially in the late thirties. Bill sought

more

responsibility

and more pay. Bowles & White denied him both.

own man was paramount at 40. It led him to make substantial changes. The family gave up its home in Florida for an apartment in New York, something none of them wanted. The stability Bill's

need to become

his

of the previous eight years was replaced by instability

was a gamble based on that rested

all

Bill's

too uneasily on his capacity for self-deception. Bill

placed his work at the center of his

home and

and uncertainty.

leisure pursuits.

It

estimation of his capabilities— an estimation

life.

He

was

These aspects of

now

less attentive to his family,

his life structure, so centrally

important in Florida, were shifted to the periphery

as

he pursued

his occupa-

Dream. At age 42, the gamble lost, Paulsen was assailed with doubts, questionings and despair. This was the beginning of his Mid-life Transition, and it

tional

was truly

a

Company

time of

in Connecticut.

responsibility at tracts expired I felt,

lives in

Desperate, he finally found a job with the P-E

crisis.

all.

and

The

only job he could get had no supervisory

After seven months, the company's government con-

Bill

was

laid off.

"This can't go on." Fortunately a

my

apartment complex

—

understand you're looking for a job." long as the

money

is

there." So

—

man this Mr. Kippman who me one night and said, "I

got hold of I

he and

said, "Sure, I

sat

I'm always looking as

down and he wrote

a resume'

Entering Middle Adulthood

me

for

so

he could

The

company on me and

his

sell

back to the company we're

killed,

ruse was successful.

At

get

me

in. If this

287

ever gets

the two of us.

44, shortly before our interviews began,

Paulsen got a job at United Electronics, with an income of $11,000 a year.

The

had had experience

resume* gave the impression that he

and United Electronics hired him

control,

in quality

as a quality control engineer.

In his desperation, Bill misrepresented himself and took work beyond his

The company was new and struggling to establish itself. It had no quality control program when Bill started, and he was "running

competence.

around the plant

like a

madman." There was

considerable conflict between

workers and their bosses: "In time, the company will get

we

out. Until that time

just

peons, so to speak. Right

Once

have

now I'm

in the

management and

middle of that

again, Bill pictured himself as the

man

straightened

itself

to fight the battle of

in the

battle."

middle, making

peace between workers and managers. As in the past, he believed that his skills as a

him,

as

mediator would get him promoted. His boss was grooming

he thought, to be "manager of quality control."

Joe thinks I'm fabulous. I'd say that job,

but I'm afraid there

is

I

was the

logical choice for the

something that may keep

me

from

—my own

it

way I talk to people. I think I give the impression to some people that maybe I'm above them because of my position. If I do this, and I was told this once before, it's not my intention. personal makeup, the

Though he

still

dreamed of getting

management

a

position,

he could

think more seriously about his limitations. I'm quite sure that experience at

it

the working man's self to

I

can do

it,

but

in the last five years. class,

it's I

the subordinate

management's point of view.

I

a fact that

I

haven't had too

much

tend to think and administer from class, as

opposed to orienting my-

tend more to go toward the lower

people than I do toward the big ones. If you get put into that slot, you get more responsibility than you've had to cope with before. Naturally there will be some situations where I'll be completely lost, but I feel I've always got somebody to talk to, to get help from.

He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to perform, same time reassured himself that he could do the job. Increasingly, these reassurances seemed shallow and unconvincing, even to Bill. After two previous failures, he was scrambling to realize his Dream, only It

and

was an old theme.

at the

to find

it

more

elusive than ever.

His marriage, and family were bothering him, too. Ruth was able to talk

more .openly with our interviewer about their difficult time. She knew how much he wanted to build a better life for the three of them, and how

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

250

rough

it

LIFE

was. But she was beginning to feel that Bill would not be able to

work things

out.

The

turmoil of their entire

ways.

Maybe

into a really

life

from under. The

"It's a slow process getting out

was eroding the marriage. strain

is

showing

the both of us are afraid what the results would be

many we got

in if

good argument."

She described an evening when ,BiH was

and got into an argument.

They were

43.

visiting friends

got angry and stomped out of the house.

Bill

he walked out/' Ruth said, "I knew that would be the end of everything. But he came back ten minutes later. That's the closest we came to actually bringing everything out into the open." For Ruth, this incident demon"If

strated

how

close they

were to breaking up their marriage.

Another problem was "I don't like

so

bad we can

taste

low income and job

ment was

a

their

home. They missed the home

my

apartment living and neither does but we

it,

just can't see

instability forced

symbol of

their turmoil

them

and

wife.

in Florida:

We want a house

our way clear right now." His

to live in apartments.

rootlessness.

The

apart-

Ruth no longer looked

forward to going to work or coming home. She too fought feelings of

"At

despair.

this stage

to go through.

I

too disappointed Paulsen's

just accept

it.

guess that's something you have

I

if

they didn't work out."

problems increased during these two tumultuous 42nd and 44th birthdays. His physician examined his

health

between

years,

I

don't count on things anymore because perhaps I'd be

his

lungs and said that he had to stop smoking because "things don't look very

good down there." But, under the massive

he couldn't

stress,

stop.

After working just a few months, Bill was laid off at United Electronics

and again began the agonizing search one and took market

it

in 1970,

although

he

it

was

for a job.

sixty miles

lucky to find work at

felt

Four months

later,

he found

from home. Given the job

all. It

was a small plant and he

was the only worker in quality control. There was tension on the job and

commute was

the daily

time since the

arduous.

He

began drinking heavily

for the first

difficult years after his father's death.

Just before Bill's 45th birthday, a dramatic event occurred. It

major impact on the course of his I

this

was going to work on a Monday and burning sensation in the back of

I'd

never had anything like

get

me

it

had a

life:

before.

over to the hospital. She got

I

my I

me

woke up

at 5: 30.

I

sat

up and got

didn't think that was right.

head.

I

woke

my

wife up and told her to

there and they called in this neuro-

knew that They kept me

had had

surgeon. After a couple of angiograms they

I

hemorrhage, but they couldn't locate

in the hospital for

about a month, but I

was

home

for

still

it.

me home. on the livingroom rug and

couldn't find anything, so the doctor sent

about a week when

I

collapsed

a brain

Entering Middle Adulthood

went back into the hospital

They performed another angiogram. This

again.

He

time the doctor found out what the trouble was.

up the ruptured blood

to patch

June in the hospital.

until

The neurosurgeon

miracle today. I

had been

released

God

he thanked

when he

He

that

explained

he was able

He

why

to repair

me

to

it

said

From

it.

about two weeks after the beginning of April

couldn't do a darn thing.

I

November

at least

March

say I'm a walking

I

was very fortunate and that

I

did the job until the beginning of June

me it would be until me go back to work.

operated and was able

spent from the middle of

I

serious. That's

from the hospital.

told

letting

vessel.

was very

It

289

before he would think of

Paulsen faced a multitude of problems. Although he had hospitalization insurance, he

had to pay the $3,000 doctor's

bill

himself.

for social security insurance or a veteran's pension.

ployment compensation because he was

He

He

ineligible

couldn't get unem-

employed by

still

was

his

company.

His supervisor promised to hold his job until he could return in a few

months. But when he

he was ready to return,

finally told the firm that

him and had no opening. Bill applied for unemployment compensation, but it didn't start until Christmas Eve. He started looking for work, with no success. More than a year later, he was they said that they had replaced

still

He

unemployed. on

It's

as

though

my

was painfully blunt

nerves that

there's going to

I

in assessing his situation:

haven't got a position yet.

be anything

And

in the near future.

I

it

feel

doesn't look

I'm not sup-

my family the way I should be. I can't depend on my wife to work. Thank God she has been for the last year or so while I've been laid up like porting

this. If it

I

got rid of one car last year because the

going to be sitting for bit.

We've had damn thing was

wasn't for her the family would have just gone to hell.

a real rough time.

We've been

six

months

or more.

And

fortunate in being able to

there are expenses, quite a

manage

so far. It's

been very

Very, very tight. But at least we've been paying a good portion of our

tight.

debts and have been able to keep food on the table. I

feel that

I'm not contributing to the welfare of the family.

income except unemployment and just

do not

like

Connecticut better

it's

being on

as far as

it.

to

me

this

is

But the employment

I'm concerned

is

I

have no

not a source of income.

I

situation in the state of

quite pathetic. Instead of getting

getting worse. Although local newspapers have a lot of jobs, these

companies don't want to touch people

They won't are three things

take you I

can think

the degree, or I'm too old.

and enjoyed

like myself.

on and you can't get

full recovery,

of:

I

You

but

all

a reason as to

why. Well, there

don't have the background, tell

them you had

they see

is

I

don't have

cerebral hemorrhages

cerebral hemorrhage. Recovery

way to heck over here to the side, but they can't even see it. They don't want to take a chance. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. is

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

29O

LIFE

I'm running into a big blank body.

realize that that's

I

these depressed moods.

and

This

way

exactly the

it's

By

money

that the

ties,

needs,

me

makes

it

my

foremost on

is

I'm useless, no good to any-

feel that

I

I

get that feeling.

I

don't talk to anybody.

I'm absolutely useless because be.

I

else

because

feel

can't support

almost

It's

up and the heck with anybody

just closed

wrong, but

I

wall.

wrong, but even so

my

get into

around. This

is

is

way they should

family the

can't provide the necessi-

I

not there and that we cannot get

is

feel like a

I

was a clam

I

can't find a decent job.

I

mind. The idea that

who

like

my

son what he

dope, like an asshole.

was almost 47 and had been on unemployment insurHe had been job hunting energetically but

this time, Bill

ance for more than a year.

He

without success. His chances of getting what he wanted were slim.

An

struggled to accept the idea of taking a lower-level job.

was taking place in

his feelings

about himself and

I'm living for the present now.

then life.

so

it

may be

that I'm going to

don't know.

I

and then

On

say this

don't like that.

I

or four years. self

I

not for

is

in a short time.

if

a

good job comes along

to stay with I

me and

though I'm a

his future.

willing,

want

the other hand,

feel as

one job to another

God

important shift

may work

go looking someplace

little

month

too old right

now

my

to go

This has happened in the past three

maybe two,

to a different area,

good Lord! His education

lot of other things. If

is

For the

shall

first

I

say,

no

now

is

life.

I'm

And my

The

only way

I

good position someplace

for that matter,

where

I

son, of

more important than

keep moving him around, his education

to locate a

company

or even a large it,

I

three times a year.

right

don't want that to happen.

I

thing like that

about

I

from

wife a nervous wreck by going from one job to another, by

moving

and

or

don't like that feeling because I'm not only upsetting my-

course,

suffer,

But

else.

but I'm fouling up the well-being and the harmony of family

making

my

for the rest of

it

there for a

is

a

going to

can work on some-

company,

in a small

can function with no lying

bluffing.

time, he talked of settling for a small job that he

knew he

could do, rather than overreaching himself. His major concern was not

advancing to a managerial position; that to settle for a

Dream was

good deal less— a job with a

stable

gone.

He

was ready

income that would give

his family a settled life.

Paulsen feared the consequences of unemployment. sitting at

home

about not providing for It

frightened

him

his family,

was aware that

He

felt guilty

but he also enjoyed being looked

after.

to think that he could settle into the life of an invalid,

and he was quick to

The

He

doing nothing had some appeal for him.

insist that "I can't

go

this route/'

period from age 42 to 47 had been a transitional time, as he

moved

Entering Middle Adulthood

from the

life

new

to a

structure of the Settling

He went

structure.

many

apartments in

He

and Ruth.

Down

through a

291

period through various changes

The

series of jobs.

family lived in

There were increasing tensions between Bill and he was an invalid for many months. He was

locales.

nearly died,

out of touch with his old friends and unable to make

new

He

ones.

felt

His feeling of desperation turned to despair.

rootless, lonely, defeated.

At the same time, important developments were taking place. Paulsen was making a critical re-evaluation of himself and his capabilities. In his job at United Electronics, he had begun to come to terms with the fact that he would never be a manager, that he had lost the bet he made at age 40. Giving up this aspiration carried with it the hope that he might be able to settle for

There future. It grips

more limited

is

goals

and seek other

satisfactions.

evidence that Bill Paulsen at 47 was planning for a modest

was

as

with the

if

his illness

had both forced and enabled him

reality of his life.

He seemed

ready to

make

his peace

the world, to live with fewer illusions and to provide a stable family.

He

come

to

to

with

life for. his

was starting the period of Entering Middle Adulthood.

Novelists At 39 Kevin Tyrone was earlier life, see

Chapter

a novelist

6.)

and

Although

(For his

a professor of English.

his novels

were

"difficult" for the

average reader and not commercially successful, the critics considered a writer of remarkable promise novelists of his generation.

ing One's

Own Man

tions of self

who might become one

Over the next

six years,

of the foremost

the struggles of Becom-

and the Mid-life Transition led him into new explora-

and world. Although he didn't complete

time, he wrote

him

some unsuccessful

a novel during this

plays, involved himself in the

world of

the theater, and participated in various educational projects. Several years

were devoted to terminating the intense relationship with his long-term mentor. His marriage, which had been a since his early twenties,

came more deeply

mid-life crisis in his early forties,

occupational options, and tiveness, femininity

At

45,

support for his creative writing

vital

into question.

new ways

to deal

During a severe

new relationships, new with his own aging, destruc-

he searched

for

and separateness.

Tyrone began to

establish a life structure for Entering

Middle

Adulthood. Returning to his novels, he started on a major work in four volumes, which he completed over the next several years. his

commitment

to the marriage, but

He

reaffirmed

on new terms and with a

clearer

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

292

understanding of

living,

and

and

professor.

a

limitations. After the peregrinations of

45 was in

life after

he was

of the thirties: novelist

meaning and

its

the early forties, his

LIFE

Yet there were

in the self that

many

respects continuous with that

husband and father engaged

same

in the

family,

still

a

significant changes in all aspects of

them.

in

Allen Perry, too, had been a "promising young novelist" (see Chapter 9). His

first

book, published

when he was

with both the general public and the

critics.

and family, created

a stable marriage

and published

as full-time novelist,

was an immediate success

which he could work more novels that strengthened

a space within

several

his reputation as a serious writer. Despite

when

25,

In the ensuing years he formed

some

difficulties in his mid-thirties,

he suffered a bitter parting from his most important mentor and

wrote a disappointing novel,

The culminating

life

went reasonably well

until his early forties.

when the and established him in

event of his early adulthood came at 41,

publication of a major novel brought great praise

the senior generation of American novelists. During the next several years,

more complicated and his literary efforts came to an imPerry started a tragic novel that would bring to more mature expres-

his marriage got

passe.

sion various themes from his earlier work. After achieving great success, the

hero of the novel was to suffer a grievous defeat, stemming from his tragic flaw. Perry struggled to write this issues in his

At

45,

own

he

as

he dealt with

felt

acutely the need to contain his inner conflicts and get

would not be

it

up on the

created. In his late forties, while not

partly-written novel,

he gave more time

activities— writing a play, writing for literary journals, self

more

life

structure for

and

his other serious interests did

meaningful occupation.

Many

period of five or ten or

more

to other

and involving him-

At 49 he was still trying to form Entering Middle Adulthood: his career

in public affairs.

lay fallow

parallel

life.

on with the novel, but entirely giving

book even

own

a satisfactory as

a

novelist

not comprise a sufficiently

novelists return to their trade after a fallow years,

but they return on a new basis and

new life structure. Others leave it for a new kind of writing new occupation altogether. This is one of the choices Allen Perry will in his Age Fifty Transition. within a

Richard Taylor, a Black novelist, went through these periods in a ent way. (His

Chapter

5.)

life

His

face

differ-

through the Age Thirty Transition was described in

thirties

took assorted jobs in

worked on

or a

his novels

were devoted largely to the battle for

fields

survival.

He

such as journalism and public relations, and

whenever he could make the time. His

first

few

novels received limited notice and sales. For almost the entire decade he

had

a serious

but on-again, off-again relationship with a special woman.

Entering Middle Adulthood

At

began

40, Taylor

and

structure

life

he decided to

a

momentous

risk

book, and

integrated

his loved

He and his wife it. He put all

spent a frugal year

country while he completed

of himself into this

publication at age 41 was the culminating event of his early

its

The initial response from critics and the public was The book was not a total failure, but it was far from being

adulthood.

mixed.

matic success he had anticipated.

The

ing to him.

woman,

everything in order to write the great Black American

novel that was burning within him. in a tropical

more

effort to create a

Dream. Marrying

realize his youthful

293

Its

year of sacrifice

at best

the dra-

limited success was bitterly disappoint-

and the

become

effort to

the special meanings this has for a Black

(with

all

ciety)

had seemingly come to nothing.

A man

man

his

in

own man

American

of less tenacity

so-

might have

quit altogether. During the Mid-life Transition, from roughly age 41 to

wounds and continue

During

45,

he

his

major novel came to be more widely read and appreciated, especially

tried to heal his

He

among Black

youth.

as a novelist,

and did other forms of writing

was earning his

time

For the

as well.

first

time he

living entirely as a serious writer.

Entering Middle Adulthood. started a family.

grown sons

this

wrote two minor novels in order to sustain himself

By 45 Richard Taylor had and

his efforts.

of his

He had

first

created the basis for a

He and

his wife

established

marriage.

Now a

had

new

life

and was

stabilized the marriage

good adult relationships with the

senior

member

of his writers' world,

he was assuming various leadership and mentoring functions with the younger generation of Black

am

While

a writer."

less

ative, responsible life in

Of

course,

he

writers.

He

could

say, for

the

first

time, "I

driven by ambition, he looked forward to a cre-

the future.

still felt

keenly the racism and social injustice of modern

and he had the burden of knowing how

he could do about mark his to make. He had major responsibilities as father to two generations of sons and daughters, as husband to a loving, autonomous wife, as son to aging parents, as brother society, it.

Though he was

a senior writer,

he

still

little

had

to less fortunate siblings, as writer to society, as middle-aged Black to his

people— and

man

as person to himself. His prospects were brighter than

ever before, but the challenges and difficulties were greater.

Paul Namson:

The Decade of the

Forties

For Paul Namson, the Mid-life Transition and Entering Middle Adulthood saw the culmination of the contradictions of his life, and in the end pointed toward a resolution of them. In Chapter 12 lution of his

life

through the Settling

Down

period.

we

described the evo-

At

his fortieth birth-

THE SEASONS OF A

294 day,

he had

just

MAN S

LIFE

withdrawn

Markers from

his novel

and defeated, gone to Cape Cod

feeling weary

his publisher and,

summer

for the

of 1966.

He wrote and prepared for a year of teaching at Brown. The

new

prospect of this

Namson. It was "a sort of conflattered. I knew Austin admired my

job pleased

my usefulness. I also felt He left for Brown with high hopes for a year of teaching and writing. He was eager to teach creative writing and felt he "had a few things to show the academy." He also planned to "take another look at firmation of

writing."

Markers."

These hopes proved to be

illusory.

course and, although he enjoyed

He

energies as writing."

He

Markers.

taught two sections of a writing

could not do both, and was not able to return to

new novel, Gallery, but made less progress than Brown got him away from the distractions of Manpresented him with a whole new problem. Offered an asso-

did begin a

he would have hattan, but

He

found that "teaching drew on the same

it,

it

liked.

ciate professorship at the

was clear that

end of the

year,

he decided to turn

it

.down. "It

could not write and teach at the same time."

I

Actually, Paul

and Sarah were tempted to remain they led there. For the

taken with the bucolic

life

integral part of family

life.

Brown. Both were

at

first

time Paul was an

was a new experience for him to eat

It

his

meals with Sarah and the kids, to have cookouts and play catch with

He and

Sheridan in the backyard.

Sarah found this "greater family close-

ness" appealing. She, particularly, clearly

wanted

to stay, but for Paul

it

was

not a viable solution.

He

New

returned to

tainty."

He

York

at 41

"meandering

in a spirit of uncer-

resumed the work on Currents. During

time he became

this

absorbed with a curious idea which became another of his "distractions":

he and Sarah should find an island and consider moving been "sort of an

island." If

Brown without the

advantages of

world and the "high family. After

he could find a

some

Sarah and

I

life,"

difficulties.

and would center

it

down

When we

flew

alone.

on an

island,

but also partly

as

could be

made by buying up

$1.7 million. After

more

trips

I

finally

much bought

for sale.

I

art

looked around, look-

What we

tracts of land.

a big tract of land.

prominent Boston family was

I

partly as this fantasy of a

an investment.

undeveloped and owned in very large

be out of the

in the Caribbean.

got there

—

Brown had

around writing and

his life

he found an island

there.

they would have the

He would

searching,

partly as a real estate investment

ing at

real one,

A

I

saw that a

section

owned by

found myself making an

dickering and a couple of

home

saw was old and

months and

killing

a very

offer for

a couple of

it.

Again the contradictions were operating. Trying to create an island for his

work and

his family,

Namson

got himself back into the investment

Entering Middle Adulthood

two

business. "It was a full-time distraction for

would take of

and

it,

as

much time

as

did."

it

He

new home

built a beautiful

years;

I

had no idea

it

purchased the property, sold part

into the ruins of an old sugar mill.

This required a great deal of his attention and a number of island.

295

This was time away from his writing, but

it

trips to

the

was a great success finan-

He made a large sum of money and gained a magnificent new "fanhome" in the process. He might be uncertain of his standing as a

cially.

tasy

but there could be no question

writer,

as to his business skills.

When Namson ture,

was 42 and in the midst of his belated real estate vena fortuitous event helped him to begin forging a new stance as a

The need

writer.

of direction

an island retreat disappeared

for

and purpose. As a

By

ing into the house.

result,

as

he gained a new sense

Paul and Sarah decided against mov-

whole venture seemed

43, the

a "slight regression"

to him. give

I

do

it

side.

am

—

my word

you

that

if

I

had

to

playing this strange neurotic

When

I

was

in the

writing, suddenly

The unexpected

it all

over again

I

never would

of investment business

investment business,

am

I

do

game

I

was writing.

And

on the while

I

dabbling in the investment business again.

event was this: In 1968 a

mammoth

publisher asked

They offered a fee he begin immediately. The idea of doing a

Paul to write a biography of Sheridan Fisher.

of $12,000

and required that

biography,

especially

one of Fisher, was very appealing to him.

new

writing a

The

focus.

well of "subjective fantasy"

It

would

seemed

dry.

give his

A

com-

missioned biography would enable him to publish a full-length book for the

first

time since

productive.

As

it

He would

Bridge

Game came

out in 1964.

He would

I

wanted

feel

exist as a writer.

turned out, "after two chapters of the biography

have trouble.

—a more

The

to

do Fisher's

sociological study.

I

life,

and they wanted

we began

to

Fisher's world

put the thing aside and returned to Cur-

rents."

He wrote a new section of Currents, consisting of two long "stories." They were immediately bought and published in a serious magazine. Namson was getting back into writing again. His new approach was to combine fiction with biography. By 43 he felt less restless and less isolated in his writing room, and he was getting more connected to the world of writers and publishers.

Meanwhile,

his father

was dying.

He had

a stroke

and became a com-

plete invalid early in 1969. Paul spent a great deal of time during that

winter and spring at his father's bedside.

ence of his father's dissolution and his

Namson was

also

made aware

He

own

suffered the painful experiaging.

of the fragile structure of his

immediate

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

296

family. His son, Sheridan, at 12,

went

to school

and was usually

and her son were

at

was

in his

in

almost total rebellion.

room

He

rarely

listening to rock music. Sarah

an impasse: both were yelling and screaming, slam-

ming doors and not communicating. Paul remained

at the

edge of

this

maelstrom.

Two

family battles were going on during the time of our interviews,

when Namson was

One was between

43.

Sarah and Sheridan, the other

between Sarah and Paul. As Paul became more intensely committed to his writing, the feeling of greater "family closeness" that

ized the

Brown

had

character-

year faded.

I'm generally impatient with her, and

would rather read than go out.

I

I'm not saying the idea of breaking out of the marriage has never occurred to

me, but

more complicated. Because, well, there are those times when company and all. I suppose they are not as frequent as

it is

guess I'm good

I

she'd like.

don't do anything to explain.

I

If,

getting almost no satisfaction, in relation to

is

become

colder, increasingly selfish

Sarah was being

left

and

out in the cold.

When

One

thing

what

I

know

didn't

I

I

fantasies.

than

I

Maybe

it

more

might miss,

isn't

became

I

have

Paul began writing more

felt

This

acutely lonely.

later on,

was a profound

intel-

know

really

that important to

isn't as large a factor in

my

I

don't

me

anymore. Oh,

life. I feel

I

more lonely

my

marriage. There is this feeling that somebody who would share a more with me. But anyhow, I haven't done anything about that.

did in the earlier years of

maybe somewhere out intellectual life

guess she thinks

don't think we've ever had that.

now. Romantic love

feel

have

It

I

I

for their old "high life."

added to the distance between them. Both

lectual relationship.

me

critical.

he refused to make room

actively at 43,

in relation to Sheridan, Sarah

there there's

increasingly important to Paul that Sarah take his writing

seriously. I

want

treated at least as respectfully as she used to treat

it

my

work at

Asch. I'm sure Sarah would never have thought of walking into a confer-

ence when

something

I

same respect

When we still

worked

like that.

as business.

first

wandering

for Asch to tell me, "There is an auction of china," or Very often she really does not treat this work with the

interviewed

him

in Dante's "dark

at 43,

wood."

he could

He

see

some

light

but was

was profoundly concerned

with issues of bodily death, symbolic immortality and legacy.

He

was

well along in forming an intellectual view of these issues, but the deeper

emotional currents continued to that:

roil.

He

often had the terrifying feeling

— Entering Middle Adulthood

.

.

just

.

You

has no structure.

life

are just

You

jelly.

something that oozes out under the door.

anxiety at night

—or

just thinking,

297

You

are nothing.

are

might have that kind of

I

you know, there

no

is

structure.

Preoccupied with the actuality of death, he had to consider the question of immortality:

The

only solace

can find

I

is

that

some

idea of immortality

is

my wife, my children, that nothing will be

He

was faced,

some a

few

is

One

at the

that

I

think any

of

A

approval will satisfy

There

is

satisfy

artist

is

myself

work of

I

must

feel that all

the value

and now

give

I

me what

I

write.

I

now

must honestly is

impossible for me, and yet

choice, like Sisyphus,

and

it is

worth the

Namson's growing seriousness was

He had

it

.

What

.

I

one must

not

satis-

like

me.

to

am

I

believe that the supreme

beyond me. So I

.

would

I

up

all

There

come from me.

not only

say, I

is

present him-

none

want anymore.

I

is

illusions.

In the end the approval must

literature of the very highest levels is

have no

me now?

when

something that

he can do

I

find there are

can't imagine ever being satisfied.

with "comfort."

when

to write

it

for effort

nobody who can

but

desire that his writing

name, and with the acceptance

in his

What good

day to be taken seriously as a writer, but

fied,

a few people

hard, very hard, to accept

same moment, with the

has recognition of one's limitations.

myth

on

off

not

uncertain but in any case not "supreme"?

is

In the end

is

And

last.

can come to any

I

left.

form an enduring, valuable legacy

self.

nearest

rubbing

friends. But, ah! It

of his limitations as a writer. of the writing

The

me

of

little bit

may

of these words

only written words, but the spoken word.

also say

I

am

I

work against

doing

from

it

effort.

reflected in his

changing concern

spent most of his energies during early adult-

hood in a search for financial rewards and material comforts. He tried to up the striving for money and power at 37, when he left Cyril Asch,

give

but

it

was not until

his early forties

that he began to reappraise the

meaning of comfort: I

don't seek comfort as

life in

lot has to still

as

I

did twenty years ago.

do now with the disillusionment about

seek comfort in material things, but

will be. I think it

love

much now

A

lot of

the past twenty years has to do with the dream of comfort.

I

just

where comfort

don't think that

would come from other people

is

my

And

a

lies. I

where comfort

in terms of

compassion,

and tenderness.

At 43, Namson returned to the Fisher biography on his own. At the same time, a serious art publisher commissioned him to write the biog-

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

298

raphy of another

By the time

artist.

of his 44th birthday, both of these

biographies were ready for publication. His novel Cunents, which he had

completed the year before, was not yet published. "I hope that the Fisher

book I

will bring

enough

think Currents

see

At 44

me, again, to get Currents published.

the best thing

is

my children

all

interest in

have ever written.

I

I

would

like to

into print/' t

was going better. The family was coming back

his writing

to-

more at peace. Sheridan was in school and doing well enough. Paul had begun to face the strains in his marriage and hoped he and Sarah could work things out together. The old relationship had come to an end. It seemed clear that whatever they came to in the future would have to be built around Paul's writing life. He gether again; the household was

the marriage could change because of Sarah's strengths; she was, Paul

felt felt,

to

"adaptable in a way that

It

is

doesn't,

scene.

not."

At the same time, he was ready

problems

for the

in the old relationship.

oversimplifying things to say that Sarah loves parties and Paul

and

of that.

all

like to leave earlier

went

am

I

assume more responsibility

The same with

after

it

mean,

I

a lot of people think that.

I

would

typically

than she does, but I've been very interested in the social houses. At

as she did.

We

some

level

I

must have wanted

it

too,

and

I

both wanted to go to the chic parties and the

interesting lofts.

He

how

could also acknowledge

critically

important

it

had been

for

him to be with Sarah I've given a lot

from Zelda, or all

to

and

also

put

it

been a bastard

more

at times.

What

Fitzgerald took

what she gave Fitzgerald, is not relationship Sarah and I had. So there

positively,

that different from the kind of

was that complexity and that kind of symbiotic relationship.

At

this point,

Paul had changed a good deal, Sarah

ing differences created

my

whole

life.

Sarah has been consistent, sistently

is

less

it

sent problems.

.

She

feels

By age new life

think.

fact

a

new degree

me when is,

What

I

of seriousness,

she married me, but

it

have made the other choice.

she

is

now and

has been con-

was when we got married. So undoubtedly that .

.

Now

she complains

she never sees me. But

now understood

a

I

The

me,

in of

necessary to me, or useful to me, or helpful to me, or a lot

of things, than

her.

Their grow-

new problems:

There's been a more radical change commitment. There was another side certainly wasn't

less.

—

no, she

I

I

go into

my

must not intrude when

study, I

am

45, the turmoil of the Mid-life Transition

structure beginning to emerge.

will pre-

don't spend enough time with

During

I

just insist. It

is

working.

was subsiding and

this period,

from age

Entering Middle Adulthood

40 to 45,

Namson had wrought

remarkable changes in his

299

and within

life

himself.

At the end

Down

of the Settling

made

almost certain that the bet he had at 37

The

had been

One

lost.

much

second, which meant so

"What

he was faced

kind of writing,

will contain flaws, in

and

myself and in

my

40,

it

seemed

Asch and Company

in leaving

to him, was of so little interest to the

publication.

its

new way with

in a

any, can

if

facilitate

he turned

novel had been published, with poor success.

publisher that he himself aborted tion began,

period, as

As the Mid-life Transi-

the most basic questions:

do well? Can

I

What

the writing?

I" build a life that

are the contradictions

world, that must be overcome

if

I

am

and

to have

a chance for a better life?"

At the

Namson

the Mid-life Transition,

start of

He

a moratorium.

tried to create a space in

provided himself with

which he could reappraise and

his life, develop a clearer sense of his possibilities

search for a

"high

new way. For

life" to

limitations,

the periphery and family to the center of his

In the island real estate venture,

was

it

business in order to say goodbye to

as

if

life structure.

he had to return

and of terminating more adequately

briefly to

In a similar vein, writing the biog-

it.

raphy of Sheridan Fisher was his way of saying farewell to the his relationship

art

world

with Fisher (while

The two

incorporating

more

him

from the more subjective work of novel writing. They

a respite

and

Brown, he moved business and the

a year, at

of Fisher into himself).

led to a creative integration of biography

and

biographies gave

fiction in his

also

subsequent

writing.

By age

Namson began

45,

—building a

first

structure for this season of the life cycle. Writing was,

component

at last, a central

"distractions"

him more

recognition from the world.

own

life,

in his life structure,

had been removed from

writing that satisfied

his

the period of Entering Middle Adulthood

for

both

his

fully

He had

it.

He

and most of the old

was developing a

a stronger sense of responsibility for

can take only a glimpse into his

life

new

46.

Two

beginning to

years later,

He

forties.

His

new way. who might

briefly in a

publishing firm, especially for writers

not otherwise "see their children into print."

when Paul was

just

during the late

former mentor, Austin Garrison, re-entered the story Garrison started a

of

achievements and his defeats. His family was

more securely established, though he and Sarah were work out a new basis for their marriage.

We

mode

and gave him the hope of greater

published Currents

Namson completed

his novel Gallery,

work growing out of his experiences at the Gordon Archi :\s. He had found in that world another "fussy room" which nourished hi: writ-

a long

THE SEASONS OF A

300

ing.

He

also

MAN S

LIFE

became intrigued with the life of Beatrice Gordon, a beneand began work on her biography. Like him,

factor of the institution,

she had led a multifaceted

with a productive career

combining a

life,

Her

as a painter.

life,

lively interest in business

too, provided

nourishment

for his writing.

As he entered middle adulthood, Paul Namson was coming to accept in himself and others. He was absorbed in the

and value the feminine biography of a

woman

with

whom

he

identified.

He

was, finally, drawing

more freely upon the artistic, creative side of himself and plagued him since boyhood. Then it had seemed be both

artistic

and manly.

Now

he knew that to be

that

had animated

that he could not

fully a

man he had

to utilize the feminine as well as the masculine aspects of himself. In this

and other ways, he was resolving the

great mid-life polarities

ing a genuinely productive season of his

and

enter-

life.

Biologists Each

biologist's life course

elite university,

was heavily shaped by

rank and scientific reputation. His

common

his career within

an

where he sought to advance up the ladder of academic life

course was also shaped by the

sequence of developmental periods and by

individual personality, ability individual variations

on

specific features of

and external circumstance. Again we

common

find

themes.

Almost from the start, Earl Northrop had a brilliant but flawed caHe became an assistant professor at 32, after doing some 'Very promising" research in a government agency. Over the next few years his rereer.

search was solid but not outstanding.

At

35

he was promoted to an

inter-

mediate rank largely on the grounds of his scholarly breadth, his success in teaching

an important course, and

his contributions to the administra-

At 40 came the crucial promotion: he was made professor with tenure, and thereby joined the senior ranks of his university and his scientific field. Again, however, the reward was blemished. tion of his department.

He had

continued to be an excellent teacher, and had written several

comprehensive reviews of the work in

his field,

but

it

was becoming

evi-

dent to him and others that he would probably never make a highly creative contribution

through his

own

research.

As he put

it:

became aware of the conflict in me, the strain of the intellectual ... I lack what is needed to be really original in some imaginative sense. It's an impediment to being in the very first rank. I

side.

.

.

.

Entering Middle Adulthood

During with what

coming

Mid-life Transition, Northrop started

his

meant

it

be

to

man

a senior, semi-distinguished

where the "second rank"

is

not good

He

terms

to

in a university

enough— and where most

senior faculty are in this painful condition.

301

of the

did better than most in

facing these issues without illusions or hypocritical self-justification.

When

him

interviewed

I

Northrop was

at 44,

tormenting reappraisal. His marriage, exciting.

The

at the height of his

work, was adequate but un-

like his

enough

marital difficulties were severe

to cause

him some

anguish, but not so bad that he would seriously consider therapy or divorce.

He

was a devoted father and family man.

An

intensely pacifistic,

nature-oriented, introverted person, he was deeply disturbed by our part in the

Vietnam war, the violence

He had no

environment.

many

students and acquaintances,

was gone."

He would

university,

but the few

life

and the pollution of the

felt utterly isolated at

no one would come

tired or got sick,

him from

of urban

close collaborators or friends and, despite his

to see

me— or

work: "If

have loved to be a professor in another offers

came from

lesser

I

re-

even notice that

I

first-rank

ones that his pride kept

considering.

In our follow-up interview at age 46, the period of active questioning

He

was over. For now he would stay put. his family

choices.

and work

The

years later

but there was

life,

was finding small ways to enrich

little

sense of reaffirmation in these

Northrop took a chairmanship

university— a further, but

still

Two

and open to change.

structure was very provisional at a

minor but growing English

tentative step toward building a satisfac-

tory life structure in middle adulthood.

Four of the ten

biologists left their current university during their

late thirties or early forties,

in response to offers that

went through work and of

change not merely

a

in job

his life as a whole. All of

the experience of

an

some because they were not continued, others attracted them elsewhere. Each of these men

exile,

and of

but in the character of his

them had

to

come

to terms with

liberation, attending their departure

from

elite university.

Five of the biologists remained at the same university into their ties

and attained senior

positions.

For some of them the success was

(The outcome as tainted as

for

it

for-

one was uncertain.)

was for Earl Northrop.

Others had a greater sense of personal satisfaction and accomplishment.

Every biologist

we

interviewed during his early

forties,

regardless of his

external success or failure, was going through a Mid-life Transition of

moderate or severe is

John Barnes,

crisis.

A

classic

whom we met

example of the successful

in the previous chapter.

man

in crisis

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

302

LIFE

Executives Like the biologists, the executives

live

within a highly institutionalized

world, and their sense of occupational progress

is strongly influenced by advancement through the organizational hierarchy. There are im-

their

portant similarities as well as differences in the stresses and the satisfactions available to

David

At

men

in these

work worlds.

was an engineer by education and

Jaffe

early

work experience.

he embarked upon a managerial

career. Although he worked hard main involvement was in family and community. At 38, ambitions heightened and he made a big effort for advancement to

31

to get ahead, his his

the position of purchasing manager. better it

home. This was

He

also decided to get a bigger

partly in response to the

was also the fulfillment of a Dream. His

growth of

home was

his family,

his castle,

and but

and hav-

home

of his own meant that he had arrived. Building a new main project during the time of Becoming One's Own Man. Through his engineering and contracting skills, and his patience, he

ing a lovely

home was

his

much more expensive home than he could have bought. The twin culminating events of early adulthood came at 41 the Jaffe family moved into their new home, and he received his promotion. The home was a complete success. It gave them a more comfortable life and

built a

:

more respected position in the community, where he was becoming a member. The promotion to purchasing manager was a total bust. The company had just been bought by a large corporation and purchasing policies were established from the top. He felt oppressed and humiliated. Despite the severe disappointment, he remained in this job for four years, a

senior

refusing several attractive job offers in other states.

men

in our study

who

few years in military across. If there

woman—he priority,

is

is it.

has lived his entire

service,

one of the few

with the exception of a

man—analogous

were family, religio-ethnic community and occupation.

most important

left it

satisfactions

behind

fit

He worked

end of the day and

his

45, Jaffe stayed put

and worked on

At 45 he found

his job unbear-

various issues of the Mid-life Transition. day, in a

at the

were elsewhere.

During the years from age 41 to

One

miles

fifty

to the traditional

central elements of his life structure, in order of

hard at his trade, but he

able.

is

within an area no more than

a traditional, tribal

The

life,

He

of desperation, this cautious, deliberate

—impulsively, without knowing what he would do next.

He

not consider a big geographical move, but luckily found a job ing manager at United Electronics, within

commuting

man

still

quit

would

as purchas-

distance from

Entering Middle Adulthood

»

home.

I

him soon after he started this job at 45, and The life structure he had begun at 45 was more

interviewed

first

again two years later.

secure and he was progressing well within questions.

He

was

in top

he knew about the

management,

as

instability of a "rapid

ership—and he counted on nothing. His

it,

but there were nagging

Number

Though he had hopes

ager for Production.

of

becoming

a vice president,

growth" company and familial nest

its

lead-

was emptying,

new phase

his

of life

offing.

Roger Mohn,

also

an engineer by education, has spent

within a single company. (For accounts of his

life

Man-

2 to the General

aging mother-in-law was a heavy responsibility, and a

was in the

303

see Chapters 10

and

13.)

Happily employed

as

his entire

life in earlier

head of the metals shop,

he was unexpectedly promoted into middle management time for Becoming One's

Own Man. The

ger were difficult but exciting.

work

periods,

at

37, just in

three years as purchasing mana-

At 40 the culminating event was

a

promo-

tion to head of manufacturing. This rapid advance in authority

and

come took him far beyond The promotion marked

Within

a year

Mohn

his youthful aspirations

and managerial

his entry into the Mid-life Transition.

had developed an

ulcer.

He

felt

isolated

and

in-

skills.

lonely.

He

and the friends who had meant so much to him; they were in another world that he had left behind and could no longer reach. A loving father and family man, he felt out of touch with his wife and children. At 42 he became ill with a cancer of uncertain prognosis. In the years from 42 to 44 he hit rock thought a good deal about

bottom.

He

his college years

was preoccupied with concerns about

the welfare of his family, and about giving his present and future were so bleak. His family this otherwise

When peers

own

death, about

some meaning when sustained him through

life

unbearable period.

he was

44, a

and gave him a

responsibility.

his

life

He

company

reorganization eliminated most of his

"lateral shift" to a position of equal salary

but

less

experienced the reorganization as a "blood bath," an

"absolute slaughter" of the others and a humiliating demotion for himself.

After several months, although he had offers from other companies,

he decided to than in a

The

stay put: "I feel

more secure

in the surroundings

I

know

new environment."

wish for security was only part of his reason for staying,

I

believe.

At a deeper level, Mohn was ready to begin Entering Middle Adulthood and had made the basic choices for the next life structure. He had given up all pretense of interest in the competitive rivalries of the corporate world and in further advancement up the executive ladder. His strongest feeling at this time

was relief—relief that he could remain in a well-pay-

304 ing, trol.

THE SEASONS OF A

MAN S

LIFE

relief that his cancer now seemed under conshadow of death than most of us, but he had life. He was content with the two central compofamily and his leisure interests. He was learning to

unchallenging job, and

He

lived

more

in the

reaffirmed his ties to

nents of his

his

life:

and loving daughters, who were teaching him the pleasures of hiking, fishing and nature. He was getting closer to his spend time with

wife,

new

and

at the

his loved

same time supporting her expansion from the home to community involvements. As he acquired greater

occupational and

skill in

the arts of intimacy and solitude, he was emerging into middle

adulthood with a

life

fuller

than ever before.

The third executive whose story we shall tell is James Tracy. In Chapter 11 we followed him through the Settling Down period. In the next chapter we learn about the unexpected changes wrought in the periods of the Mid-life Transition and Entering Middle Adulthood.

:

m

The

James Tracy

we saw how

In Chapter 11 first

wife, married Joan

relationship to his

By

Life of

and

first

(III)

Jim Tracy divorced

in his late thirties

his

started a second family while maintaining the

children. .This occurred in his

Down

Settling

he and Joan had a baby boy and were building a new home. But the problems of living with two families, and of giving his period.

new

41,

family a central place within a

new

life structure,

were

just begin-

ning.

The work

year from age 40 to 41 had been a

life.

When

he was

40, his

momentous one

Don Bond,

mentor,

in Tracy's

suddenly

left

Ajax.

Walter Johnson was promoted into Bond's position as group vice president, and Jim Tracy advanced to become general manager of the division. This was the promotion he had long desired, but

he

initially

held the

to prove himself in

new

it.

it

came

Johnson had never been

success. His relationship with

on a probationary

position

He went

as a

blemished

close.

Moreover,

basis,

and he had

through a year of watching, waiting and

doubting.

At

He

endorsed in the new position. additional fringe benefits. a blemished success.

He

dent—to be

to an end. Tracy was officially

was also given a fancier

title

and some

Yet once again he regarded the promotion

was

still

controlling hand. It was time,

yet his

came

41, the probationary period

he

as

under Johnson's questioning glance and felt,

for

in Johnson's position rather

him

to be a group vice presi-

than under him. Tracy was not

own man

They made me There are

a general

manager and

really a billion-dollar corporation. felt,

also a corporation vice president.

fifteen corporation vice presidents,

The

although they never told me, as

if

and the whole company

scope of the job didn't change. they threw

me

a

bone

to

keep

is

I

me

around.

Tracy was

at 41 a vice president earning

and responsible

more than $100,000

for a multimillion-dollar enterprise

a year

employing thousands.

:

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

306

But

promotion, which was the culminating event of his early

this last

adulthood, produced serious doubts about his occupational future and

touched

off his Mid-life Transition.

move— the kiss of now seemed dim. He stayed on

respects a lateral

tion

the beginning of a

crisis

The

apparent promotion was in

many

death. His chances for further promo-

but he

at Ajax,

felt

He

trapped.

period in his work, his family and his

life

was

at

generally.

His attitudes about the arms business began to change in the next

few

years.

He had

helped to perpetuate the view that weapons themselves

were not dangerous:

by changes

"It's

the person behind the gun that's the nut." But

about guns and the weapons business were being modified

his opinions

in society

and by

the war in Vietnam was at

by

his feelings that

his its

own

mid-life questioning. Dissent against

peak in 1969. His doubts were magnified

he had gone

he could

as far as

about his role

Tracy was depressed by the violence

in

work and

control over his

Black

leader.

strikers:

also identified its policies.

was

re-

our culture. His social con-

own

cerns were intensified by his awareness of his

omnipotent

He

at Ajax.

own life and his place in society. He was also confused when Black workers led a major strike against the company.

evaluating his

He no

life.

decline and limited

longer regarded himself as the

This was complicated by ambivalence toward the

he bravely led executives

across the picket lines,

For the

In one of our

first

time,

he himself

last interviews as

in

an underdog.

felt like

he turned

but he

humane

with the Blacks and wanted Ajax to be more

45,

Jim spoke about

his

personal philosophy:

have been honest, straightforward, and not underhanded.

I

has been a lot of luck in

there were people

it;

reason or another. But, with

all

this,

I

can honestly say that

I

said there

who guided me I

for

one

haven't

trampled on anybody and haven't gone against principles to cut corners. People get what they deserve.

If

you are decent

going to get treated decently in return. est

to people, ultimately you're

basic belief

is

that

if

you're hon-

and straightforward with your people, ultimately you get paid back.

You

don't have to be underhanded.

to get ahead. If I

My

guess that

is

You

don't have to be a sharp dealer

you are any good, ultimately you are going to go to heaven.

my basic philosophy.

Jim worked to live up to his high standards. Both personally and he seemed to have increasing success. But he was question-

professionally,

ing his entire

dream

life

and seeking a new way. This

is

illustrated

by a recurring

of the early forties

I'm flying in an airplane and flying very

for

some

reason,

low over a road with telephone

nobody

really

knows, we're

poles. I'm sitting there, afraid

The we're going to crash and the pilot

Tracy

felt

is

going to tear

we haven't

He's going over bridges and

Life of James Tracy (III)

307

wing or something.

off a

crashed, yet.

life was coming to an end. He didn't want He wanted to be less up in the air, more firmly rooted He was beginning to acknowledge that he could not retain

that his former

to live as before. to the ground.

control over every given situation in his

The

acute fear of losing control

earlier life structure.

life.

related to the dismantling of the

is

Giving up the aggressive, achieving stance raised the

question: "What's left of me?" Perhaps the "bitch goddess" success would turn away from him.

Every once in a while, is

going to

fall in.

through and what

This

I

what

long downhill slope be I

like.

Will

I

I

keep going

at 45. like,

end up

at

roof

I'm about halfway

because the

first

sometimes think about what

think one of these days the whole

in. I just can't

goddamn

the whole

scares

the second half going to be

is

has been pretty good, business-wise.

a year?

my God, me

just think,

sort of

is

half

will the

65 making $1 5,000 or $10,000 goddamn roof is going to fall

me

like this; that scares

a

little bit

every once in

a while.

Tracy talked about the at a university or

close to

possibility of early retirement at 55, teaching

occupying a top executive

toward the role of mentor-teacher in a I

want

a

company

where I'm

that

less

company power

early aspirations of

imposing organization.

would pay me the same amount of money, or of money, that I'm making now. I want to

amount

reasonably the same live

slot in a smaller

home. He was moving away from the

living

now and have

a job

anywhere within an hour's

drive.

company my whole business career. I think in a smaller company you've got more flexibility. I don't like to travel on business trips away from home. I detest it. I don't have any goal. Oh, sure, I'd like to I've

worked

for a big

my

succeed, take driving as

I

boss's place as a

used to be.

I

group vice president, but I'm not as hard

think I'm probably as effective as ever, but

have the energy or driving ambition to succeed that

have the great desire to be president of Ajax. Tracy's attitudes toward himself

He

could

now

had

also

I

I

used to have.

I

don't

I

don't

really don't.

changed by

recognize and value the softer and

more

his mid-forties.

caring aspects of

his personality. ,

I

think I'm not hard driving enough.

I

have a guilt complex about being

too easy on people, and not enough of a taskmaster. Instinctively, I'm soft

and compassionate toward people, for

me

is

to

sit

down

are doing wrong.

I

to a fault.

face to face with

The

hardest thing in the world

somebody and

tell

just find that terribly difficult to do.

them what they I

am

not a very

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

308

good

disciplinarian.

don't really believe in

I

things by reason, logic or example. lot easier.

I

had

your heart on your

he told me.

The

sleeve.

wish

I

said the only real

it.

I

try to get

were tougher;

people to do

life

problem you have

would be

get emotionally upset about people, that

I

a

you wear

is

is

what

not really very rough.

flaws in his second marriage also

was not able to function

pressure, Joan

was

am

I

who

a boss

I

became more

Under

evident.

helpmate and Jim It was

as the desired

alone to deal with an extremely painful series of events.

left

a rock-bottom time.

When

Jim was 42,

his

daughter Linda was in her

first

year of college.

After becoming pregnant, she married Alex, 23, an unskilled laborer in a garage. Later that year Jim's oldest son, Robbie, at a private prep school,

He

began experimenting with drugs. the faculty, afterward,

had

Robbie attempted

was out of town.

I

developed paranoid notions about

several severe outbursts

My

and was asked to

Not long

leave.

suicide:

former wife called Joan and

complete

said, like a

commit suicide. What should I do?" Joan said, "Take him to the hospital." They took him to the local hospital and the doctors took one look at him and zipped him up to Franklin State Hospital. By the but I time I got home, he was in Franklin. If I had just been home wasn't. That's what happened. His mother had him committed on a Thurs"Robbie

jerk,

tried to

.

day.

I

didn't

know about

Jim was furious

it

until

I

got

home on

and

at himself

being unavailable to help his son during a traumatic event.

Joan

in.

He and

He wanted

.

Friday.

at Victoria for involving Joan,

between wives one and two.

.

He

to keep Victoria out

felt

for

stuck

and bring

Joan drove to the hospital and visited Robbie in a locked

ward. Neither Joan nor

I

awful wards with bars I

marched

in,

had ever seen Franklin before. all

and we got locked into shook her up.

all

of

sit

in the parking lot with

it.

It really

He

was in one of those

over the place, with wild, far-out people. Joan and

all

When

a visiting

room

she went with

right in the

me

of the car doors locked,

middle of

subsequently, she'd

and

I'd visit

him.

Joan withdrew from the situation. Locking herself in the car tively

symbolized her alienation from his children.

It

made Jim

effec-

sharply

aware that he could not bring together two important elements in life:

Joan and the children from his

mined

his formerly idealized

Tracy got

his

first

marriage.

his

Her withdrawal under-

view of her.

son released from the hospital and into brief treatment

with a private psychiatrist.

The The

up the

"We're going

have a

to

madman

Robbie was then hospitalized

309

Robbie had very strong violent

private psychiatrist told us that

dencies. This sent Joan right

Life of James Tracy (III)

wall, thinking

about our two

what

in the house,

are

little

we going

The

at a private institution.

to

ten-

boys.

do?"

doctors

there disagreed with the private psychiatrist's evaluation, but thought that there wasn't

much

much hope

for further education in school.

of his time arranging for therapists

and

involved, but her experience with the psychiatrists

had badly frightened ing up Jim's

first

recommended

her.

The

Jim spent

Joan tried to get

tutors.

and the

state hospital

incident reactivated her guilt about break-

who

marriage. She began to see a private psychiatrist,

that she have

little

or nothing to do with Jim's family.

So Jim was forced to deal with the problems from his first marriage on own. Recognizing that he had not been involved enough in Robbie's

his

early

he

life,

tried to

compensate by reaching out to

son under ex-

his

tremely trying circumstances.

During

this

same

year, Jim's brother,

rough time. His wife ran tempts at reconciliation

off

with a

George, also went through a

much younger

married man. All

at-

George soon married a much younger

failed.

woman. The similar plights of the brothers pulled them together. Jim became aware that George had resented him during childhood: "I was always very fond of him, and at

all.

.

.

At

this

I

can

call

me

turned out he wasn't very fond of

There's a good feeling between us now.

.

want anything ther,

it

him, and vice

versa,

I

know

that

if

ever

I

with no questions asked."

time Tracy became more parental toward his mother and

And he

both in their seventies.

fa-

continued getting closer to Linda

and Robbie. Linda asked him to help her husband, Alex, get

a job.

He He

jumped

at the chance,

also got

Robbie summer jobs elsewhere. Giving became more important

and got

his son-in-law a

modest job

at Ajax.

in his forties.

Tracy

felt

he was cheating when he used company time and and that this might endanger his future at developed between work and fatherhood:

that

resources to help his family,

Ajax.

A

conflict

never once involved our personal time, like weekends or evenings, to

I've

straighten out something with Linda or Rob. I've stolen

time.

where It's

Ajax

He to

do the absolute

I I

me

in

mental anguish.

honestly don't know.

I

What

it's

if I

away from work

were doing

costing

me

in

my job right. my image at

feel guilty.

was also upset about taking time away from

work on problems

it

of outside activity, to the point

should be doing a hell of a lot more

costing I

minimum amount

in the first family.

his current family

Joan added to the

distress:

"She

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

310

LIFE

thinks she has married a family rather than me. She feels that she has

withdrawn from her family and leads

totally

my kind of life."

Some Her

and now

of her former friends,

all

stemmed, however, from Joan's first marriage. name changed from Cor-

of their troubles

now

son, Kevin;

ten years old, wanted his

make fun

coran to Tracy so the other children would not

he could

more

feel

alcoholic, withdrawn, graying

man

living in their

home

former

fan-

about Joan's return."

tasizing

mean, without

I

and

Jim and Joan began adopbattle with Corcoran, "a some-

a part of his current family.

tion proceedings. This led to a long legal

what

of him,

a doubt,

Joan can't stand Corcoran.

He

uses Kevin as

the only connecting link he's got between the two of them, and he isn't

about to give

it

up.

The

only time he

shot. He'll call Friday night all

calls is

from a bar and

when

he's about three-quarters

start talking to

Corcoran's

calls

He

frailties.

He

also

it

a ghost

made him more

also spent

more time with Kevin and

He

Tommy

some of the time, but

I

Still, ily.

all

all

to

get rejuvenated once a

stand up in front of 50 kids and just have

I

every word. For an hour and a half every month,

get

than he had with

even became a scoutmaster:

a pain in the neck

month when kids at

problems and

sensitive to Joan's

was learning to accept her limitations.

his first children.

It's

who took out her anger and frustration who would not depart. While the conflict

drained Joan,

on Jim. Corcoran was enraged Jim,

I

her and she gets

upset.

grow up

right,

my God,

it's

worth

it.

if

them hang on my

you're helping these

Just looking at those faces,

charged up again.

there was continuing conflict between his job and his

When

they

first

ture their family.

married, he wanted Joan to stay at

But the

felt

home and

nur-

newlywed had within a

attractive, 28-year-old

few years retreated into a cocoon. She

new fam-

that he should give less time

work and more to her and the family:

to his

Joan doesn't understand that there are certain things that

my She

job that

I

don't necessarily want to do, which take

just gets a little depressed,

great

outward scene, she

the idea and then lives. I life

guess she

is

it's all

just

and doesn't

me

have to do in

me away

from home.

talk as she usually does. It's

no

withdraws for a while until she gets used to

right. It isn't

dependent on

seems to orbit around

I

accepted as a normal course of our

me and

likes

me

to a greater degree

to

be there, but her whole

than

it

should.

The

The

made Jim more aware

conflict

restriction. It also

evoked

his

Life of James Tracy (III)

311

dependency and

of Joan's

self-

concern about her growth as a person.

wanted to get her out of the "hausfrau"

role

He

and into the world, and he

supported her psychotherapy.

Tracy began doing things her way,

He

restricting his life to please her.

down invitations to be with other men and gave up activities meant much to him. He sold his boat, built a swimming pool,

turned

that

worked

in the garden

and

up

fixed

time around Joan and the family. his vision

and

his existence.

and "stable"

ful"

He

their house.

To

dissolved by these experiences. his forty-first

tween

and forty-fourth

families,

own

tried, in his

centered his leisure

way, to have as 'peace-

But the

a family life as possible.

Jim's initial illusions about Joan

He

please Joan, he chose to restrict

costs

were

great.

and the new marriage were

largely

The "two families" crisis peaked between when he worked on the tensions be-

year,

and between family and work.

He became more

suppor-

Joan and his children, and more giving and intimate with others.

tive of

The

first

years of his Mid-life Transition,

marked by severe problems and chaos. The were characterized by greater

reflectiveness,

from age 41 to

44,

were

from 44 to 46, integration and planning. By later years,

46, Tracy had decided to leave the world of the large corporation.

was putting

He

his family in the center of his life.

was learning to deal with the complex

and

to understand Joan's strengths

and

The

limitations.

ing interest in antiques, and she opened a shop in

He

crisis

issues facing

both

He

was abating. his families,

They shared a growdowntown Hartford.

was giving up the Dream of becoming a top corporation executive.

Entering Middle Adulthood The

period of Entering Middle Adulthood led to major changes for

Tracy.

We

have few

details,

but the main outlines of

his

new

life

are

clear.

When

he was

a drier climate.

The

46, Joan developed allergies

corporation offered

refused.

He had

him

his resignation to Ajax.

jobs in other parts of the country, but

to begin afresh.

he

They decided to move to Colorado. came out in a discussion of his

Jim's feelings about his time at Ajax legacy.

and her doctor suggested

Within three weeks, he submitted

THE SEASONS. OF A

312

think

I

or that to do.

I

am

LIFE

S

pretty well cast for

what

I'm proud

regrets.

achieved. ...

An

ambition

I

I

got where

difference

between the two

seem

I

— I

I

am

good

a pretty

think the same thing. I

immediate family. ...

I

I

father,

don't

will just

be missed by no one but

I

my

You

think

much

ambition.

them.

I

.

.

.

am

do your work

open and

pretty

pretty well, particu-

Tommy

Well, Joan, Kevin and

husband and provider.

know what Robbie all

I

think Linda

will think. If

upset about

it,

I

popped

family.

Managers

my

other than

be erased from the Ajax blackboard.

I

will

and don't

are replaceable

matter unless they are the driving force for the company.

Tracy was pleasantly surprised by the reactions to received

don't

I

there really isn't

communicate

generally

anybody getting

can't see

—

in terms of getting people to

those that have worked for me.

tomorrow,

really

don't feel cheated

am, and achieved what

satisfied that

I

to be able to instill loyalty in

straightforward with people.

will think

I

in the marines or business

it is

for you.

off

I

should have been able

always had in the marines was to be a general.

mean, I'm running a big business and

of your job whether

will

I

think I've been phenomenally lucky in a lot of respects.

I

larly to

have done.

I

haven't been able to do something that

I

have any

I

MAN

warm

He

his departure.

messages of support and affection, which were pleasing but

difficult to accept. Initially, his

parents were upset with the move, but soon his mother

wrote and said she understood. His brother supported the decision. Linda

and her husband were now

living with their three children in Tennessee,

where Alex was a successful Ajax salesman. Robbie was "a

would graduate from high school shortly off drugs,

lot better"

and

He

was

at the age of twenty.

involved in photography, had a girlfriend and was "as normal

as 50 percent of the

people around." In sum, his family was in pretty

good shape and supported

his

new move.

In leaving Ajax, Tracy was not only giving up his leader-executive role in the

weapons

archies.

rado,

industry, but also

moving permanently out

of

huge

Although he did not know exactly what he would do

he eagerly anticipated the change.

He

hier-

in Colo-

considered working in a small

hardware business of his own, running an antique shop with Joan, teaching, or acting as consultant to corporations.

The move

to

Tracy experienced

Colorado was a move into middle adulthood. At 47, less despair and generated more options. He had the

sense that he could find his

Colorado,

it

own way and

was apparent that he would

live

with

it.

relate to his

Whatever he did work and family

in

in a

new manner. In 1973, we received a letter from Jim Tracy. He was now general manager of an appliance distribution business in Denver:

The Colorado

much

is

great!

The

better physically,

thing to do.

The

family loves

is

still

has to prove

it

itself

a very fast-growing area,

is

was certainly the right out, but

and

if

I

this

doesn't work out, conceivably there will be other things to do.

He now had more time to talk.

313

particularly the children. Joan

and from that standpoint,

business end

ably optimistic. This

it,

Life of James Tracy (III)

am

reason-

connection

\3

Conclusions

m |

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

We began

this investigation by asking: What do we mean by the human and what are the seasons within it? Is there such a thing as adult development? Can we identify a sequence of developmental periods life cycle,

in adult life

Our

comparable to those

study has provided

some

childhood and adolescence?

in

answers are of necessity tentative. Further research

extend our present understanding, but

The

answers to these questions.

initial

is

we now have

needed to

and

test

on which to

a basis

proceed.

We

The

eras provide a view of the individual

from a distance. Each era ing,

some

identify four overlapping eras in the life cycle, each lasting

twenty-five years.

which has

distinguished by

is

biological, psychological

the skeletal structure of the

life cycle.

and

its

life as

seen

overall character of

The

social aspects.

liv-

form

eras

Once we have understood the natotal life cycle, we can examine

ture of an era from the perspective of the

more

specific processes

The developmental They

fall

within,

and

and events

as

periods give a

they unfold within

more

detailed

it.

and interpretive view.

are shaped by, the succession of eras.

means by which the developmental work of an they provide the linkage between the

eras.

perhaps the crucial turning points in the

The

life

era

is

They

are the

carried out,

cycle. In the Early

Adult

Transition, the Mid-life Transition and the Late Adult Transition, a creates a basis for living in the era just getting under way.

tional periods are the sources of

and periods

is

a

means

its

quence of alternating periods.

A

The

course.

life

is

the concept

structure evolves through a se-

relatively stable, structure-building period

The major develmake crucial choices,

followed by a transitional, structure-changing period.

opmental

perspective

and the process

foundation of our theory of developmental periods

of the individual life structure.

is

The combined

of exploring r.he total life

of development at specific times in

The

These

man

transi-

renewal— or of stagnation— that shape

the character of the developmental sequence. of eras

and

cross-era transitions are

tasks of a structure-building period are to

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

318

to create a structure around them, to enrich the structure one's goals within

it.

These periods ordinarily

and pursue

last six to eight years.

In

a transitional period the major tasks are to reappraise the existing structure, explore

new

and world, and work toward choices

possibilities in self

that provide a basis for a

new

structure. In the course of a transitional

man may choose to involve himself in new persons and places, or he may retain his marriage, job and social network but establish different relationships and live out different aspects of the self. The transiperiod a

tional periods generally last four or five years.

Eras and Periods in the life Cycle

When we

began

this

work, nothing in the literature of psychology and

social science suggested that

we would

and

find a sequence of eras

peri-

ods unfolding in orderly progression. That idea was not the starting point for our research. Quite the contrary. It detail the intricate design

unique order.

in its patterning, that

The

was only

we

•

this

traced in

each one

lives,

could begin to grasp the underlying

idea of individual life structure

emerged from our

see the shape of a man's total life at a given time,

how

we had

after

and course of many individual

efforts to

and to understand

shape evolved over the years.

age linkages. One of our greatest

ability in the age at

prediction

we made

surprises

was the

relatively

which every period begins and ends.

in advance,

It

low

vari-

was not a

nor a predisposition in our thinking. This

finding violates the long-held and cherished idea that individual adults

develop at very different paces. those

who

cal aging, psychological

variability in

traditional idea has a basis in fact:

larly, specific

maturity or occupational career, find considerable

the ages at which particular changes occur. There seem to

be no regular periods ones,

The

study development in terms of a single aspect, such as biologi-

in the

development of these single

aspects. Simi-

events such as marriage, starting a family, death of loved

and retirement may occur

at very different ages.

look at development in terms of the evolution of

life

Only when we do the

structure

periods follow an age-linked sequence.

For every period we can give a at

typical age of onset. This

which the period most frequently began among the

There

is

a range of

This range

two or three

may seem

years

on

very small to those

men

is

the age

in our study.

either side of the average age.

who

expected no order at

all,

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

but

enough to have great

it is

table for adult

ment.

It

development

starting the Mid-life Transition, another

ing One's

Own Man. The

of developmental

and

We find

simple criterion

One man

in.

is

at 39

at the height of

still

The timing

work done within

social conditions of a

sequence.

man is

as a

is

Becom-

developmental periods are age-linked, but they

are not a simple derivative of age.

•

variability in the time-

than that for child develop-

means that we cannot use chronological age

of the developmental period a particular

logical

The

significance.

slightly higher

is

319

it,

of a period,

and the kind

vary with the biological, psycho-

man's

life.

that the periods occur in a fixed sequence.

As long

man continues to develop, he will traverse the periods in the order He cannot go from period three to five without going through four. For a man in period three, the path to further development must cross four and five— there are no shortcuts or alternative routes. He can

as a

given.

navigate a period in myriad ways, but he cannot avoid

he

if

is

period,

to find

some

satisfaction

and create a

it.

In the present,

basis for life in the next

he must deal with the current developmental

tasks.

Developmental impairments and defeats from the past may prevent

man from

a

beginning a

in a state of decline.

new

He

is

period and working on

its tasks.

He

Developmental blocking of

stuck.

is

then

this

kind

can occur in adulthood, as in childhood, as a result of overwhelming biological, psychological or social insult.

Thus, a large percentage of

men

in

some groups may have such difficulty with the tasks of the Mid-life Transition and Entering Middle Adulthood that they cannot create the basis for even a moderately satisfactory life in

•

middle

age.

hierarchical stages and sequential periods. Some theories describe

developmental stages that follow an ascending or hierarchical order: a person advances from one level to the next, each stage representing a higher capability.

The

stage theories of

Lawrence Kohlberg, Jean Piaget and Jane

Loevinger are of this kind, and they have contributed to our understanding of

human development. Other

theories, such as Erikson's

hierarchical.

One

period

is

its

is

ours, posit a sequence that

is

useful. Spring

summer

Winter

is

is

not

not intrinsically a better

better than spring.

essential part in the unfolding of the life cycle,

a prescribed course.

is

not higher or better than the preceding ones.

Again, the imagery of the seasons season than winter, nor

and

a fallow, quiet time in

growth comes to an end and the

possibility of

Each season

plays

and the sequence follows which the previous

new growth

is

created. It

the ultimate transitional period. Unless the creative work of winter

is

is

done

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

320

and the seeds take

when

soming,

blossoms

root,

LIFE

nothing further can grow. Spring

is

a time of blos-

The

the fruits of the winter's labor begin to be realized.

not appear unless the seeds have been nourished, and the

will

blossoms in turn make way for the blooming,

grown

fully

flowers.

So too with our developmental periods. The Early Adult Transition provides the cross-era shift into early adulthood.

Age Thirty

ing the Adult World, the

man

a

to build a

adult

first

life

The

next three periods— Enter-

Transition, Settling

modify

structure, to

Down— permit

and then

it,

to create

another through which he attains the culmination of early adulthood. At

about forty he enters the Mid-life Transition. early adult era

and plant the seeds

for

Now

he must terminate the

middle adulthood, when he

structure.

The

tasks of

upon

ones and represents a later phase in the cycle. There

earlier

are losses as well as gains in the shift

•

evaluation.

man

how

a

met

his

A

has fared during a given period.

in a structure-building

In extreme cases,

we can

man was

in a transitional period

his life cases,

we

is

We

How satisfactory is period? How well has he and create

must ask how well he has life structure he forms managed, in a transitional

the

a basis for the future?

man

readily say that a

clearly

era to the next.

needed when we consider

is

tasks.

period, to reappraise the past

That man,

from every period or

more judgmental approach

developmental

or poorly. This

has done especially well

unable to reappraise and modify his

and now cannot create an adequate new

after a painful transition, has

life

structure.

formed a new structure

in

which

and others. In most more mixed and evaluation difficult. What

exciting, productive, valuable to himself

however, the picture

are evaluating

is

is

not simply

how

well a person has succeeded in carry-

ing out a specific chore or in adapting to a single, concrete situation. asking:

life

one period are not better or more advanced than

those of another, except in the general sense that each period builds

the work of the

go

will

through a similar sequence of building, modifying and rebuilding the

How

well has he

met

his basic life tasks?

What

We are

has he done with

his life?

These questions take the strange territory.

We are

tering the quality of superficially.

Very

scientist,

the clinician and the educator into

legitimately interested in understanding

life,

little is

but we need great wisdom

known about

lest

we

and

fos-

evaluate too

the tasks of adult development and

the problems of building and modifying a

life.

We

must

learn

how

to

explore this territory in greater depth, with greater regard for the powerful

shaping forces in the individual and in society. to attempt individual tions.

But our work

make premature

and

We

institutional innovation,

will lack intrinsic value

need to examine

and

to seek

and public

new

credibility

lives,

direcif

we

evaluations and promote easy but ineffective methods.

Tasks and

•

Possibilities of

We

overlapping and connecting periods.

period in

its

own

to the evolution of the

however, each period period

when

right, to indicate

Adult Development

have tried to identify each it

The

"interpenetrated" with the others.

is

that a period begins, runs

its

by another period that has

contributes

course. In the actual process of development,

life

predominant, but the others are present in

is

how

occurs and

it

321

its

it.

It is

current

not the case

independent course, and ends, to be followed

own

totally separate character.

The

successive

periods are not like links in a chain, each tied to the others but intrinsically

independent of them.

The life cycle is an organic whole and each period contains all the The developing individual is like a long-distance traveler: from time

others.

to time

he changes

vehicles, fellow passengers

the past does not simply disappear.

He

and baggage of

now engaged

is

all

kinds, but

not only with his

current locale but with the various worlds he has lived in and the worlds

he

is

moving toward. The past and future

The

are in the present.

coexistence and interpenetration of periods

by that master of

own) biography, Marcel

(his

beautifully captured

is

Proust, in

Remembrance

of Things Past:

For

man

is

a creature without

coming, in a few seconds,

many

walls of the time through

which he has

though in a basin the surface bring

him

into the range

The paradox

now

level of

of

is

who

has the faculty of be-

and who, surrounded by the within them but as

lived, floats

which

constantly changing, so as to

is

one epoch, now of another.

Proust identifies here

any fixed age" and yet

Only

any fixed age,

years younger,

is

that

man

is

"a creature without

governed by time and by the "epochs" in his

life.

we understand the profound significance of the epochs in our he did, can we understand the ways in which one is, at a single

after

lives, as

time, a child, a youth, a middle-aged ageless.

As we

and an

gain a greater sense of our

elderly person.

own

can begin to exist at multiple ages. In the process, ourselves; rather,

we become more

tasks of this period.

But he

early.

The

when

those periods

also does

we

we do not fragment

chiefly

on the developmental

some work on the

become primary

in later periods

tasks of preceding periods are not

come

are never

integrated and whole.

During the current period, a man works periods. Tasks that will

We

biographies, however,

tasks of other

may be

completed and

to an end. If they are

activated cast aside

worked out reasonably

well at the appropriate time, they continue to support further development in

subsequent periods. Gains of the past form the ground on which current

developmental

efforts are built.

Conversely,

if

previous periods produce

enduring conflicts and limitations, a man's development in the current

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

322

may be

period

LIFE

seriously hindered or, in the extreme case, prevented alto-

gether.

Entry into a new period often reactivates the unresolved problems

and

These problems form

deficits of previous periods.

the past" that makes of past conflicts

shadowed.

examine

and hurts may weigh

When

first

the

a person

life structure, tasks

may be examined

The

from

carryover

so heavily that present tasks are over-

having serious

is

Continuing problems from then

a "baggage

harder to deal with current tasks.

it

difficulties, it is

important to

and concerns of the ongoing period.

earlier periods

of childhood

we can

within this context, and

and adulthood

see

how

they are

hampering the current developmental work.

•

universality of the eras and periods. This conception of the is

Does

it

based largely on a study of

cycle

it

be said

men

hold for American

have relevance in other is:

we

None

in the

contemporary United

generally at this

societies

don't know.

men and

moment in history? Does The first thing to

historical epochs?

of the insights

and generalizations offered

here are fully demonstrated truths. Each of them

My previous

requires further testing.

taught

me

to

be very cautious

the history of social science

a hypothesis that

is

work on "culture and personality" has

in positing universal features of

is

life

States.

human

life;

cluttered with disproved claims regarding

such universals. But, with these caveats,

we

energetically offer the following hypothesis:

This sequence of eras and periods

human

exists in all societies,

periods are grounded in the nature of

and

throughout the

human evolution. The eras and man as a biological, psychological

species, at the present stage in

and

social organism,

extending over

many

species. Individuals

in the nature of society as a

generations.

They

complex enterprise

represent the

go through the periods in

life

cycle of the

infinitely varied ways,

but

the periods themselves are universal. These eras and periods have governed

human development

for the past five or ten

beginning of more complex, stable

thousand years— since the

societies.

In positing a combined biological, psychological and social basis for this

developmental sequence, we are saying that none of these bases in itself.

No

evidence

now

exists that

is

sufficient

the eras and periods stem simply from

an unfolding of a biological, genetic program in the individual.

Nor do

they follow directly from a timetable established universally by social

insti-

tutions or cultures. If this developmental sequence does hold to

some

degree for the species,

its

origins

must be found

in the interaction of all

these influences as they operate during a particular phase in man's evolution.

Erikson has

come

to a similar view of the life cycle

on the

basis of

Tasks and

Possibilities of

his clinical, anthropological, historical

stage of Identity vs. Identity

period

we

Aloneness

vs.

He documents

this

Freud, Hitler, George Bernard

vs.

Stagnation, starts around forty and characvs.

Despair

the ego stage of late

is

view in his biographies of Luther, Gandhi,

Shaw and William James— men whose

Jung's conception of adult development rests

and

culmination during the

lives

centuries and continents.*

span several

viduals

His ego

Adult Transition. His stage of Intimacy

middle adulthood, while Integrity

adulthood.

its

inquiries.

323

the early twenties and runs through early adulthood.

starts in

His next stage, Generativity terizes

and biographical

Confusion reaches

identify as the Early

Adult Development

upon

of mythologies, religious systems, dreams

his analysis of indi-

and customs

in

numer-

ous cultures and times. Others, such as Joseph Campbell and Mircea Eliade,

have extended the anthropological basis of Jung's

dence of a mid-life

crisis in

the lives of 300

ideas. Jaques

artists in

many

found

evi-

countries over

the last 500 years. Ortega y Gasset, taking a broad historical-philosophical

human

view of

life

over the last 2500 years, has identified a sequence of

generations in society and in the individual

life cycle.

This sequence cor-

responds well to the eras and periods described here (see Chapter 2). In *

A

word about the

may be

similarities

and differences between our periods and Erikson's

We

regard adult development as the evolution of the life structure; our developmental periods are successive phases in the process of building, modifying and rebuilding that structure. Erikson's mode of analysis, too, is concerned with the stages

useful.

interconnectedness of

self

and world.

He

regards development, however, as a series of

stages in ego development.

Each

of Erikson's eight stages

self in relation to

the external world.

is

governed by a

The

issue

is

crucial,

problematic issue for the

stated as a polarity or contradiction be-

tween opposites. The developmental tasks of each stage derive from the central polarity. Thus, in the stage of Generativity-Stagnation the tasks include arriving at a "favorable balance" of generativity over stagnation; coming to terms with the actualities of stagnation and death; drawing more fully upon one's internal resources for generative purposes; accepting with less ambivalence one's responsibilities and obligations toward society in general and the next generation of adults in particular; acquiring the virtue of "caring" in new ways for individuals and institutions. Erikson's ego stages have to do with the self as it is engaged with the world, but their primary focus is within the person. Each stage is defined in terms of attributes of a person: the capacity for commitment, the virtue of caring, the sense of trust. These personal qualities connect the self to the sociocultural world, and Erikson more than any other investigator has depicted the subtle but vast influence of the sociocultural world upon ego development. His biographical studies of Luther and Gandhi are unmatched in their sensitive portrayal of the ways in which historical, cultural and institutional forces enter into the shape and substance of an individual life. Our approach makes use or Erikson's, but it shifts the focus somewhat. The concept of life structure is centered more directly on the boundary between self and world. find a It gives equal consideration to self and world as aspects of the lived life. larger number of developmental periods, and we trace the developmental process in somewhat more detail. Still, there are many areas of convergence. Our view of the self includes Erikson's concept of the ego. Our view of the sociocultural world as an aspect of life structure is consistent with his way of thinking about society. His ego stages of adulthood fit well within the timetable of our eras and periods. Our view builds on and adds to his, and is not antithetical to it. •

We

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

324

The Coming

LIFE

Simone de Beauvoir documents the

oi Age,

middle to late adulthood, and the nature of

life in

around the world. David Gutmann, studying the

transition

from

old age, in societies

men

fantasies of

in several

contrasting societies, has obtained findings consistent with ours.

In exploring the question of universality, data on the

Jife

cycle in earlier cultures.

would help

it

We

do have

we had more

if

available,

however,

some 2500 years (see the table on page 325). These documents reflect the wisdom of the ancient Hebrew, Chinese and Greek civilizations. The Talmud contains a section called "The Sayings three documents going back

of the Fathers'' (Pirke

Aboth), which outlines the "ages of man." Con-

China about 500 b.c.e., identifies six steps in the life Greek poet and lawmaker in the 7th century b.c.e., divided

fucius, writing in cycle. Solon, a

the

life

cycle into ten stages, each lasting seven years.

These sources

differ

widely in cultural context and religion. Yet, despite

the diversity of imagery and content, the three views of the basically similar to each other ately, all of

them

refer only to males; the neglect of the

has a long history. )

If

we

life

cycle are

and to the one presented here. (Unfortunfemale

life

cycle

place the timetable of our eras and periods over

each of the ancient accounts, like a template, they show a remarkably close fit.

a.

The

pre-adult era occupies roughly the

b. Early

an

a

It

contains

formative period of some 15 years (like our "novice phase") in

initial

which

15 to 20 years.

first

adulthood extends from 15 or 20 until about 40.

young man enters the adult world,

gets married

and pursues an

occupation. Only at 30 does he attain full strength (Talmud, Solon) and

upon the ground" (Confucius). From 30

"plant his feet firm

to 40 a

man

has his greatest strength and energy, but he has not yet attained his most

mature

capabilities. Early

as a preparation for the c.

adulthood

next

Middle adulthood

stage

was

(

56-63

)

,

"is

he

able,

thus a time of flowering, as well

era.

lasts

Solon, "the tongue and the

is

from roughly 40 to

mind ...

are

now

60.

From

but never so nimble in speech and in wit

in the days of his prime."

According to the Talmud, 40

"understanding" and 50 for "giving counsel." Confucius in idiom:

"At

40,

I

42 to 56, says

at their best." In the next

no longer suffered from

is

differs

perplexities,"

as

he

the age for

only slightly

and "At

50, I

knew what were the biddings of heaven" (although it was not until 60 that he heard them with docile ear! ) All agree, then, that the years from about .

40 to 60 permit the greatest actualization of one's capabilities and virtues

and the greatest contribution

to society, despite

some

decline in youthful

strength and energy. d.

For

all

three sources, late adulthood starts at around 60. Solon regards

;

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

old age as a period of decline

:

at 70,

man

"has

come

325

to the time to depart

on the ebb-tide of Death." The Talmud and Confucius offer a more developmental view of this era. According to the Talmud, the full wisdom and dignity of being an elder start at 60.

into a

new

heaven— that

relation to

At is,

this age, says

to

life

source of personal values, to the self— and through spiritual ality,

Confucius,

I

enter

and death, to the ultimate it

gain a

new kind

freedom transcending the old antitheses between desire and mor-

between society and

self.

The Talmud adds a final phase, which corresponds to our late adulthood. At 80, a man attains a new strength (Gevurah) of advanced

late

e.

After 90, he lives on the far edge of the boundary between

One may of

life

age.

and death.

also note, in addition to the ancient concepts of the "ages

man," the curious but suggestive outline presented

man

of

in 1851

by the Ger-

philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer in Parerga and Paralipomena:

Shoit Philosophical Essays (published in English translation by the Clar-

endon

Press in 1974)

natural duration of

.

He

agrees with the

human

life" (barring

Upanishad of the Veda that "the accidents or illness)

is

100 years,

and then (slightly tongue-in-cheek) identifies a sequence of decades with appropriate planetary influences.

man

is

now

At

30, for

example, "Mars reigns, and a

impetuous, strong, bold and warlike." At 50 "Jupiter holds

sway." Finally, "Uranus comes and then, as they say,

"The Sayings 5 years is

of the Fathers" (from the

we go

to heaven.

Talmud)

the age for reading (Scripture);

10 forMisnah (the laws); 13 for the

Commandments

(Bar Mitzvah, moral responsibility);

forGemara (Talmudic discussions; 18 forHupa (wedding canopy);

15

abstract reasoning);

20 for seeking a livelihood (pursuing an occupation); 30 for attaining

full

strength ("Koah");

40 for understanding; 50 for giving counsel;

60 for becoming an elder (wisdom,, old age) 70 for white

hair;

80 for Gevurah (new, special strength of age);

90 for being bent under the weight of the years; 100 for being as

if

already dead

and passed away from the world.

." .

.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

326

Confucius

The Master said, At At At At At At

30,

I

40,

I

50,

I

15

my

had planted

my heart upon

set

I

feet firm

no longer suffered from

learning.

upon the ground.

perplexities.

60,

I

knew what were the biddings heard them with docile ear.

70,

I

could follow the dictates of

I

desired

of heaven.

my own

heart; for

what

no longer overstepped the boundaries of

right.

Solon

0-7

A boy at first

is

the man; unripe; then he casts his teeth;

milk-teeth befitting the child he sheds in his seventh year.

7-14 Then to

his seven years

signs of approaching

14-21

Still,

God adding another seven,

manhood show

in the

bud.

in the third of the sevens his limbs are growing; his chin

touched with a

down, the bloom of the cheek gone.

fleecy

21-28 Now, in the fourth of the sevens ripen to greatest completeness the powers of the man, and his worth becomes plain to see.

28-35 1° the

fifth

bethinks

35-42

Now

he bethinks him that

him

42-56 Seven times seven, and

him

eight; the

for fourteen years together are Still in

in

63-70

is

he

speech and in wit

Who has

An

the ninth

able, as

the season for courting,

and continue

his line.

virtue,

to profitless deeds;

tongue and the mind

now

at their best.

but never so nimble

he was

to the tenth has attained,

come

is

mind, ever open to

in the sixth his

broadens, and never inspires

56-63

this

that sons will preserve

to the time to depart

in the days of his prime.

and has

lived to

complete

it,

on the ebb-tide of Death.

Evolutionary Perspective

In a more speculative vein, the perspective of

human

I

want

to place this view of the life cycle in

evolution. In 1932, the biologist

G.

P. Bidder

published an evocative article in which he attempted to explain biological

senescence— that

is,

the normal process of bodily decline. Senescence

is

some organisms

as

an inexorable sequence

leading to death. However, senescence occurs in

all

the land vertebrates, in-

not built into the

cluding man.

Why,

life

cycle of

asks Bidder,

is

this?

Tasks and

The key

factor, in his opinion,

Possibilities of

that the

is

Adult Development

members

327

of every species of

land vertebrate must reach and maintain a standard body size which

optimal for mobility and survival. First,

The growth sequence

the organism goes through a process of positive growth until

an optimal

A

size.

the optimal size

is

mechanism

regulating

it

reaches

needed to limit growth when

is

reached. This regulator produces a phase of non-growth

and then

that maintains the optimal state for a while,

negative growth for which death is

is

proceeds as follows.

is

a

a phase of increasing

normal outcome. Bidder's reasoning

this:

Adequate

efficiency could

be obtained only by the evolution of some

mechanism to stop natural growth so soon mechanism may be called the regulator. .

have suggested that senescence

I

the regulator after growth

is

is

stopped.

concerns the welfare of the species.

.

as specific size

is

reached. This

.

the result of the continued action of

The

Man

is

regulator does efficiently

that

all

within 2 cm. of the same height

between 18 and 60; he gently rises 2 cm. between 20 and 27, and 1 cm. by 40 or thereabouts.

still

more

gently loses If

by

primitive

37,

when

man

at

1

8 begat a son, the species

his son could

hunt

had no more need of him

for food for the grandchildren. Therefore,

the dwindling of cartilage, muscle and nerve

cell,

which we

call

senescence,

did not affect the survival of the species; the checking of growth had secured that by ensuring a perfect physique between

20 and 40.

Effects of continued negative growth after 37 were of indifference to the race;

man

probably no

ever reached 60 years old untiJ language attained such

importance in the equipment of the species that long experience became

man who

valuable in a

could neither fight nor hunt.

This negative growth

is

not the manifestation of a weakness inherent in

protoplasm or characteristic of nucleated

cells;

it

is

the unimportant by-

product of a regulating mechanism necessary to the survival of swiftly mov-

mechanism evolved by selection and survival as have been mammalian limbs, and with similar perfection.

ing land animals, a

evolved the jointing of

Though

his

main purpose

is

to identify the biological

mechanism

of

senescence, Bidder here almost incidentally describes universal phases in

the

human

life

cycle

of evolution. His call

pre-adulthood.

and suggests how they have been affected

first

It

in the course

phase, positive growth, corresponds to the era

extends from birth to about 20,

when

we

the individual

attains full biological growth. Bidder's second phase, corresponding to early

adulthood,

lasts

roughly from 20 to 40. During this time the individual's

capacity for adaptation

and mastery

is

at

its

height and he makes his

primary contribution to the survival of the species. His third phase, from

40 to 60,

is

like

our middle adulthood: the effects of the regulator begin

to produce a slight biological decline but there

is

also a possibility for

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

328

greater psychological

development and

social contribution

under

facilitating

social conditions. In the fourth phase, from 60 on, increasing senescence

culminates in death.

For our present purposes, Bidder

human

the

life cycle. First,

he draws

middle adulthood, with age 40

he maintains

as

is

making two important points about

a clear distinction

that, until very recently in

experience of middle adulthood.

between

early

and

an approximate turning point. Second,

human

By age 40

evolution, there was

primitive

little

man had completed

main reproductive, parental and occupational contributions to the tribe. With the decline of his social usefulness and adaptive capacities, his

his

chances for survival beyond 40 were quite small. It was only with the recent emergence of language and more complex cultural forms that the tribe

much value on sustaining individual life after 40. The current evidence supports Bidder's viewpoint. The human

placed

species

has existed for at least half a million years and perhaps more than three

man

million years. Until five or ten thousand years ago

unsettled

gathering food.

led a precarious,

small societies that lived primarily by hunting, fishing and

life in

The

character of

human

life

was transformed by the devel-

opment of agriculture, the formation of more stable societies, the invention of more effective technologies, and the emergence of writing and other means of transmitting culture from one generation to the next. In

hunting-gathering

primitive

societies,

only

the

half

population

reached age 20, and not more than 10 percent survived beyond 40.

The

high

mortality rate in early adulthood was not due to earlier senescence, since

70 to 80 years has probably been man's normal

life

many thousands

span for

of years. It was caused by the ravages of illness, accident, warfare

inadequate food supply. Life after

beyond— has been a

moment in By

eras of

a significant part of man's collective experience for but

man had

little

biological or tribal reason to continue living

that age the children were grown, the best years of productive

labor ended, the contribution to the tribe fulfilled. lete.

The

tribe

needed only a small cluster of

men

By 40 in

a

A large

man was

obso-

middle adulthood to

wisdom in positions of leadership and number would have strained the tribe's resources.

contribute their ripening bility.

and

middle adulthood and

our history.

Primitive after 40.

40— the

responsi-

United Nations data on the age composition of contemporary nations offers interesting

and is

comparisons. In Pakistan, where

living conditions

over 40.

The

among

figures are

human

fertility is

high

the worst, only 17 percent of the population

even lower in Ethiopia and Bangladesh. At the

other extreme, 35 percent of the Japanese are over 40 years old, 36 percent in the U.S. A., and 42 percent in West Germany. Current predictions are

Tasks and

Possibilities of

Adult Development

that the percentages Will rise in the industrialized countries over the

329

coming

decades.

The

modern

rapidly lengthening life span in

society has stimulated

widespread concern with the era of late adulthood. seek ways of improving the quality of

Much

the economic burdens involved.

problem of equal or greater

life

are beginning to

and

of

managing

attention has been given to a

less

significance:

We

for the elderly,

What

about the rapidly growing

percentage of the population in middle adulthood? Unless the quality of life in this

generation

dous

and

strain

is

improved, the middle-aged will be under tremen-

society will continue to

be short of creative leadership. More

elaborate social structures have been developed in every aspect of societyagriculture, industry, art,

government,

religion, education, health care, science,

even recreation. Occupational roles have become more specialized.

need more people who can contribute

wisdom

sources of traditional

leaders,

as

as well as vision

and imagination. Modern

society requires a vital, developing contingent in

The It

required work of middle adulthood

is

involves greater responsibility, perspective

must be able

this era

to care for younger

We

managers, mentors,

middle age.

different

from that of youth.

and judgment.

and older

A

person in

adults, to exercise au-

thority creatively, to transcend the youthful extremes of shallow conformity

and impulsive

rebelliousness.

The moderate

mid-life decrease in biological

must be counterbalanced by an increased psychosocial capacity. In countless intellectual, emotional, moral, esthetic, managerial and reparative capacity

ways, the middle-aged must help in maintaining and developing the culture. It is

not that modern society has created middle adulthood as an

era.

The capability for living productively beyond 40 has been part of the human potential from the start. But only recently has society become better able to ensure that

its

members

now doing

it.

Society

is

The more

difficult

problem

half of

is

live

out their

full life span, rather

to foster psychological well-being

the conditions for a satisfying, productive vary somewhat, but the problem

is

life in

of powerful technology

and provide

middle adulthood. Nations

universal. Its basic roots are in

evolution rather than in the nature of a particular society.

opment

than just

better at keeping people healthy after 40.

and of cumbersome

The

human

rapid devel-

institutional structures

has created a need for greater numbers of productive middle-aged individuals.

But the need has

middle adulthood and our

The

far outstripped

our cumulative understanding of

ability to foster life in

it.

large-scale extension of the average life

one of the great achievements

in

human

expectancy beyond 40

evolution. It

is

is

a step in the

"ascent of man." But the termination of early adulthood continues to be

MAN

THE SEASONS OF A

330

LIFE

S

frightening and painful. This

recent acquisition in reflects

human

is

partly because middle adulthood

the ancient experience of the

40. It

is still

hood.

The

vitality,

is

such a

Our profound anxiety at passing 40 species: we still fear that life ends at to move from early to middle adult-

evolution.

profoundly threatening

threat is based on the equating of youth with strength and and of age— even middle age— with weakness, vulnerability and

death.

A

few thousand years

not enough to learn what to do with middle

is

adulthood and with the institutions that shape feeling our

way

in the dark.

hood, the tribe I

am

new

losing

season

As

make the

I

offers little instruction,

shift

is

is

coming, that

life will

me?

are the options that await

get

I

course. early to

We

I

may

gain.

I

out and that

I

may soon

myself or others. But

I

still

What

know

that a

be crucially changed. But what

many

explicit

messages and vague

vibrations about mortality, loss, restriction; feelings that time die or,

are

middle adult-

support or cultural wisdom.

much more evident than what

my

its

from

worse, have a

life

is

running

without meaning for

get few positive images of the middle-aged

hero-

ine lover, friend or mentor, the person of dignity, wisdom, authority, creativeness.

Where

Odysseus on

his mid-life journey?

is

the contemporary parallel to Abraham,

The Developmental Work and Middle Adulthood My purpose here

is

a sure path to salvation, joy

illuminate the dark a

little

of heroic adulthood or to offer

and optimal development.

and give a

or

of Early

new myth

not to add a

Buddha

It

is,

rather, to

clearer view of the terrain.

the nature of development in early and middle adulthood?

What

What

is

kinds of

developmental work must be done?

The conception to

examine the

of eras provides a contour

terrain of early

map,

developmental tasks that must be met. Within identified three sets of tasks.

of

them

as

it

were, within which

and middle adulthood and to specify the

The

this

framework, we have

three sets are closely interrelated, and

are essential to an understanding of adulthood.

I

shall review

all

them

briefly.

Building and Modifying the Life Structure

One

set of tasks has to

evolution of the

do with the developmental periods and the

life structure. I

have given special emphasis to the periods

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

331

because, within the broader patterning of the eras, they provide the pri-

mary source

and sequential progression. In

of order

major tasks are to build a

life

structure

a stable period the

and enhance one's

life

within

it.

In a transitional period one must terminate the existing structure, explore possibilities (in self

and make the

The

new

choices that provide the basis for a

initial

cross-era transitions require

initiate its

and world) out of which new choices can be formed one to terminate the outgoing

structure.

era

and to

the next. In addition, every period has distinctive tasks that reflect

specific place in the life cycle.

Working on

A

second

Components

Single

do with forming and modifying single

set of tasks has to

components of the

of the Life Structure

We

life structure.

have identified several components,

such as occupation, family and mentoring relationships, which are often of central importance in a man's

man

make

to

is

work on these time

this

life.

Developmental work

tasks contributes to the stability of adult

work changes from period

is

required

if

a

component. The continuing

a place in his life for a given

life.

At the same

and contributes to the evolu-

to period

As I have said, psychologists and social scientists component without placing it in the context of the Our understanding of changes within a single component

tion of the life structure.

often focus on a single life structure.

will, I believe,

be increased when we examine

spective. Let

me

through a single

Of

the

life, five

•

series of age-linked periods;

component

are

much more

many components

seemed of

special

and

from a developmental

that

the more concrete changes within a

may have

aspects of the self

early

initial structure in

his task

sufficiently,

and

he

finds

its

is

which to

it

is

modify or

tion

it

prescribes.

is

now

less

efforts,

The Dream may

many

it

Even when

He

then has

he has attained the Dream it

does not provide the

may continue

diverse aspects of living. years.

fulfill it.

in the general direc-

tyrannized by ambition,

cerned with the intrinsic value of his

lived

some measure fulfilled. In give up the Dream. He may

in

worthwhile (even though

But he

has to

and to determine which other

excessive hold

magical qualities he had hoped for), he

man

adulthood a

which the Dream can be

will try to live out. If it

and timing.

great significance in a man's

recognize that he will not be able even partially to to free himself from

per-

structure evolves

importance in our study.

attain goals through

middle adulthood

life

variable in their sequence

forming and modifying a dream. In

form a Dream, create an out,

it

emphasize again: the individual

more con-

and more able to enjoy

die stillborn or

continues to play a part,

its

may

flourish for

meaning and place

THE SEASONS OF A

332

MAN S

LIFE

in his life necessarily evolve over the his

•

own

sequence of periods. Each

forming and modifying an occupation. The process

occupation

is

never brief or simple.

of forming an

33.

Some men

stay in a single

many

occupation during this time, but the majority make a few or if

finds

occupies the entire novice phase of

It

from roughly age 17 to

early adulthood,

Even

man

balance of stability and change.

a

man

changes.

continues within one broadly defined occupation (such as

plumber, novelist or manager), he will go through many qualitative changes in work place, status, identity, meaning and In the early tries

to define a

with the

thirties,

member

ladder, as a junior

He

strivings.

mode

starts

of work.

Down

the Settling

work enterprise and ladder that

mination of his youthful

period,

him

will carry

he

to the cul-

on the bottom rung of the

By about

of his adult world.

and the end

40,

Own Man period, he has advanced as far as he ladder. A vital task of the Mid-life Transition is to

Becoming One's

of the

can up the early adult

make

start of

a place for himself in the

"senior" within that world.

Men

middle adult generation and become enormously

differ

how

sonal importance of their early adult ladder, in

meaning

their ultimate success-failure has for

in the nature far

and

per-

they climb, in the

them, and

in the

new work

they undertake in middle adulthood.

•

love-marri age-family. Several tasks are included here, but they are so

interrelated that

it

seems best to consider them together.

seeks in a love relationship,

to form, are continuing issues in adult relationships with

ing,

life. If

he

is

sexuality

and

affection. If

If

he

man

is

able

he

is

of sexual freedom to

form an endur-

mutually valued marriage, he must become capable of

commitment.

a

to have intimate love

women, he must achieve some degree

and some integration of

What

and what kinds of love relationships he

fidelity

and

to join his wife in creating a stable family life that

is

serves the needs of parents as well as children,

he must become ready to

accept familial responsibilities and to derive the satisfactions offered by

marriage and fatherhood.

No

one can be

far

advanced in these tasks at the

hood. During the novice phase, a to living, husbanding

man

and fathering

is

as

much an

start of early adult-

apprentice with regard

as in other aspects of life.

often characterized by impersonal pleasure seeking,

His loving

macho power

is

seeking

or inhibition of passion and sensuality. If he seeks a serious relationship

with a woman, his ideal friend

and helper

is

woman" who will be his lover, Dream. Yet he may marry a woman who

the "special

in search of the

does not appreciate and support his Dream, and in time they will have to

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development deal with the consequences of this greatly in his heroic struggles

and

have to be modified over time

will

directions. If she has a

Dream

Sometimes

refusal.

their relationship

is

his

idyllic at

both of them change

as

333

wife helps

the

start. It

in different

other than that of becoming a wife and

mother, the two of them will have to create an evolving

life

structure that

can encompass their joint family and their separate occupations. There are endless variations in the patterning of familial relationships vicissitudes over time. All that

and

In early adulthood most

ment

certain

is

and

their

that the patterning will change

continuing developmental work in the successive periods.

will require

though the

is

men

give

in family life

is

work

two

relative balance of the

a higher priority than family,

quite variable.

is

A

man's engage-

often limited by his anxiety regarding the feminine

For example, he may sharply separate the maternal and paternal

in himself.

functions, leaving the former to his wife. His heavy involvement in outside

and

activities,

his

avoidance of

many

sometimes obscure the strength of

caring-feeling functions

man's investment

a

Fatherhood was tremendously important study.

They were

home,

in his family.

most of the men

in our

when things went well at home, and they expeand guilt when family life was too limited or full of

Often, a man's sense of family and attachment to the children

conflict.

were strong enough to keep him is

at

gratified

rienced great anxiety

Tracy

for

when

but one of

many

an otherwise stultifying marriage. Jim

in

He

examples.

also exemplifies a

quently occurs in the late thirties and early

change that

fre-

he modulated

his

involvement in work and gave the family a more central place in his

life

structure.

forties:

The developmental work of the Mid-life Transition contributes Through it, a man gets more in touch with the feminine

to this process. in himself

and

others.

He becomes more

father to his youthful offspring

outside the

•

and

nating relationships with mentors

Young men

differ

sustaining these relationships. ability of

mentor

is

is

Initiating,

modifying and termi-

an important yet

difficult task of early

widely in their capability for evoking and

There are

mentoring opportunities

A good

need to expand

home.

forming mentoring relationships.

adulthood.

interested in being a mentorial

in supporting his wife's

also great variations in the avail-

in different social worlds.

an admixture of good father and good friend. (A bad

mentor, of which there are many, combines the worst features of father friend.) A "good enough" mentor is a transitional figure who invites and welcomes a young man into the adult world. He serves as guide, teacher and sponsor. He represents skill, knowledge, virtue, accomplish-

and

ment—the

superior qualities a

young man hopes someday to

acquire.

He

)

3

MAN S

THE SEASONS OF A

34

LIFE

gives his blessing to the novice

and

Dream. And

his

yet,

with

riority, he conveys the promise that in time they will be peers.

all this

The

supe-

protege

has the hope that soon he will be able to join or even surpass his mentor in the

A

work they both value. mentor can be of great

way

find his

and gain

new

practical help to a

But

skills.

young man

good mentor

a

is

as

he seeks to

helpful in a

more

developmental sense. This relationship enables the recipient to

basic,

identify with a person

him

enables

encouragement

who

exemplifies

form an internal

to

in his struggles.

figure

He

many who

of the qualities

he

seeks. It

admiration and

offers love,

acquires a sense of belonging to the

He

generation of promising young men.

reaps the varied benefits to be

gained from a serious, mutual, non-sexual loving relationship with a some-

what older man or woman. (There are other elements, which bring various advantages and disadvantages, when the relationship is sexual and when the mentor

Like

all

is

much

older, or the

same

age.

mentor relationship

love relationships, the course of a

smooth and

its

ending

is

developmental functions, but they have negative aspects plenty of

room

for exploitation, undercutting, envy,

on the part of the mentor, and

pressive control

clinging admiration, self-denying gratitude

the part of the recipient.

is

rarely

often painful. Such relationships have favorable

It is

There

as well.

is

smothering and op-

for greedy

demanding,

and arrogant ingratitude on

not always clear

who

is

doing what for

whom.

After the relationship has been terminated, both parties are susceptible to

the most intense feelings of admiration and contempt, appreciation and resentment,

grief, rage, bitterness

and relief— just

wake

as in the

of any

significant love relationship.

Many adults

give

and receive very

little

mentoring. Despite the frequent

emphasis on teamwork and loyalty in business organizations, mentoring relationships are

managers.

more the exception than the

Our system

of higher education,

fostering the intellectual

mentoring that

is

tional institutions

rule for

though

officially

committed to

and personal development of students, provides

generally limited in quantity

and poor

in quality.

and work organizations can do much more to

development of students and young adult workers. also

both workers and

To do

this,

Educa-

assist

the

they will

have to support the development of teachers, managers and other

workers in the generations over age 30. Until middle adulthood

time of

life,

most

of those

who

are in

it

will

is

a better

be unable to contribute the

mentoring urgently needed by younger generations.

Many

middle-aged

men

never experience the satisfactions and tribulations of mentorhood.

This

is

ment

a waste of talent, a loss to the individuals involved,

to constructive social change.

and an impedi-

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

•

335

forming mutual friendships. In our interviews, friendship was largely its absence. As a tentative generalization we would say that

noticeable by

close friendship with a

men. This

is

man

is

rarely experienced

by American

not something that can be adequately determined by a ques-

tionnaire or mass survey. is

woman

or

often blurred.

The

between friend and acquaintance

distinction

A man may

have a wide

network

social

in

which he has

many men and perhaps a few most men do not have an intimate male

amicable, "friendly" relationships with

women. In

general, however,

boyhood or youth. Many

friend of the kind that they recall fondly from

men

have had casual dating relationships with women, and perhaps a few

complex love-sex

relationships,

non-sexual friendship with a ship

so rare,

is

but most

woman.

We

and what consequences

men

have not had an intimate,

need to understand why friend-

this deprivation has for adult life.

Becoming More Individuated The

third

and

final set of tasks

has to do with adult individuation. These

Young/Old, Destruction/Creation,

involve the basic polarities of

tasks

Masculine/Feminine and Attachment/Separateness. In riods, a

man

new place

ate to his

These regarded

transitional

pe-

has the task of reintegrating each polarity in a form appropri-

polarities

them

in the life cycle.

have been of interest chiefly to psychologists,

as aspects of the personality. In

who have

our opinion they must be

considered from the conjoint perspective of person and society, for they

within both. Each polarity exists within the

exist as divisions

worked on by the self over time. fied by society in the course of

It also exists

is

polarity.

An American

its

history.

man's sense of what

it

self

within society and

is

and

modi-

Consider the Young/Old

means

to be

young or old

is

shaped by cultural symbols and images, by the schools and occupations, by

and meanings of Medicare, retirement, social security, Florida condominiums, death and dying— and by the movies, television, rock music, the

realities

professional sports

Old

and

mod

polarity in the self

life styles. It is

when

between young and old and makes

When men

more

is

done to

will enter early

polarities

so frightening to be other than young.

it

foster

development

adulthood with a

it is

integration can be achieved by the

in pre-adulthood,

young

relatively better integration of the

and a greater readiness to engage

these and other tasks. Nonetheless,

Some

hard to integrate the Young/

the external world draws such a hard line

in

developmental work on

unlikely that

more than

a limited

end of the Early Adult Transition.

degree of splitting and one-sidedness seems to be a built-in, normal

feature of the self

and the

life

structure in early adulthood.

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

336

man

Thus, a

and

in his twenties

thirties

is

normally

full of

youthful

He is tilted, as it were, toward the Young pole of Young/Old polarity. He has a strong need to accentuate his arche-

energies and

the

typally

aspirations.

Young

qualities

Old

his archetypally

and

a corresponding

qualities. It

is

need to minimize or repress

developmentally appropriate for him to

maintain the unconscious wish and assumption that he

He needs— and

can

have— more time

and begins coming to terms with

own mortality own eventual death and the actual or The Mid-life Transition is a develop-

mentally given period for working on this process. create a legacy,

indeed immortal.

his

eventual death of his loved ones.

more mentorial,

is

before he confronts his

and have the other

from integrating the Young/Old polarity

in a

He

can then become

satisfactions that

way appropriate

for

stem

middle

adulthood.

So too

for the other polarities.

Although the Masculine/Feminine im-

much less marked than it usually is in our highly genderman in early adulthood must give some priority to the mas-

balance can be split society, a

culine. His adult identity fully utilize the qualities sible in

is

colored by images of manliness, and he cannot

he regards

as feminine.

Greater integration

is

pos-

middle adulthood: he now has greater internal freedom to enjoy

the feminine in himself and others; and, in a "good enough" society, he is

given greater external freedom as well.

A young man cannot be expected to polarity.

He may

integrate the Destruction/Creation

have a good deal of knowledge and personal experience

regarding certain kinds of destruction, such as war, crime, poverty or natural disasters.

But

as a

youth he

tive forces in self, society

is

not ready to experience fully the destruc-

and nature, and to give them

meaning. In middle adulthood he may achieve a

a

more profound

fuller integration of the

Destruction/Creation polarity and become creative in ways not possible earlier.

In early adulthood, the powerful forces of attachment to the external

world are reflected in a man's search for involvement, mastery, control, and

The Attachment/Separateness balance middle adulthood. He can now strengthen the forces of

material and emotional income.

normally

shifts in

separateness. self,

He

can develop a stronger sense of

while maintaining his

ties

and

self

and a centering

in the

responsibilities in the world.

Fostering Adult Development Clearly, a great deal

adulthood.

Where

development

in

development has been severely hampered

in

must be done

a person's

to support individual

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

the past, or

must be

is

being thwarted in the present,

new

therapeutic approaches

normal develop-

created, approaches that take account of the

mental processes involved

as well as the

more

337

neurotic, pathological aspects.

Individual and group counseling and educational efforts can help troubled individuals place their specific problems within a broader, developmental perspective.

But such approaches, though problem.

If

we

helpful,

have to modify the

do not go to the heart of the

development on a wider

are to support adult

social institutions that

shape our

lives.

scale,

we

will

Industry and

other work organizations, government, higher education, religion and fam-

must take account

ily—all of these

and developmental

ferent eras

of the changing needs of adults in dif-

periods.

What

is

helpful in one era

may

not be in another. In early adulthood, a

man

financial

demands, modify

grate his

life as

an adult.

The Age

At the end of the

many

of his relationships, goals

the

marriage and family, meet heavy

Thirty Transition

frequently a time of

life

Settling

Down

begins, he

crucial consequences for his entire future.

a crisis relating to

they find their

inte-

when his life is getting more settled, and values come into, question. In the early

Age Thirty Transition ends and

Some men have

is

and world, and

twenties, just

must make choices that have thirties;

start a

his ties to the pre-adult self

crisis.

thirties, as

faced with tremendous burdens as he

is

attempts to form an occupation,

Becoming One's

structure intolerable just

Own Man when

in the late

they are reach-

ing the culmination of early adulthood. .

The

stressful

twenties and thirties are perhaps the most abundant and the most

decades in the

life cycle.

Given the tremendously

difficult tasks of

man must deal with, this Still, much can be done to

adaptation and development a young

era cannot

be made easy or simple to

reduce the

excessive stress If a

and to

man's early

traverse.

work on the developmental tasks. adulthood is dominated by poverty, recurrent unemfacilitate

ployment and the lack of a reasonably

satisfactory niche in society, his

adult development will be undermined. His energies will go to simple survival rather than the pursuit of a

ture that has value for himself

and

Dream

fragmented, polluted, crime-ridden world, features of collective life

or the creation of a

others. If

he

how

from becoming part of

life struc-

lives in a disorganized,

can he keep the worst his individual develop-

ment? But

it is

Even when a pleasant

not simply a matter of gross poverty and social disorganization. a man's circumstances are

more comfortable— when he

lives in

neighborhood and has a secure job or profession— many aspects

of work, family

and community

life

combine

to produce heavy external

pressure and inner conflicts. Starting a family and embarking

upon an

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE

338

when

occupational career, adult status

is still

For

much

large

income

at

is

and consequences of

wife. If the extent seriously,

one's

lowest point and one's

its

marginal, imposes terrible burdens on both husband and this

could be done to alleviate the

numbers

of

problem were taken more

stress.

men, the conditions of work

government agencies,

in corporations, small companies, local or federal

schools, churches, hospitals— institutional structures of

recent historical development. tions that

profit ing.

We are

still

learning

work productively, humanely and

development

and

of their employees

making have had top

As we move

adulthood

in early

and inimical to development. Most people work

are oppressive, alienating

in

clients.

all

how

kinds. This

a

ways that support the adult

The aims

and

of productivity

priority in the industrial age that

into an age in

is

to create organiza-

is

now

pass-

which production and power might be

less

we have a chance to reorder our priorities. It remains whether we shall give higher priority to enhancing the meaning

overriding concerns, to

be seen

of

work and

work organizations that

to creating

foster

development

as

well as productive efficiency.

At a more specific, personal level, we can try to improve the quantity and quality of mentoring in the work world. Most young men receive little mentoring, and good mentor relationships are rare indeed. Poor mentoring in early

adulthood

is

the equivalent of poor parenting in childhood: without

adequate mentoring a young man's entry into the adult world

is

greatly

hampered. Some degree of emotional support, guidance and sponsorship is

needed to smooth the way and make the journey worthwhile.

When

the work world

highly subordinated, and

ine"— a man polarity.

The

will

find

is

hypermasculine— when

many it

qualities in

men

women

are absent or

are devaluated as "femin-

harder to integrate the Masculine/Feminine

women in the work world is an impormen from their one-sided masculinity and feminine. Men need women as colleagues, bosses

freer participation of

tant step toward the liberation of their anxiety

about the

and mentors. These live

relationships enable

out more aspects of the

self,

them

to

form richer

identities, to

and to reduce the burdens created by

the excessive masculinization of work. Changes of this kind will also free

women from

the constraints imposed by the excessive feminization of par-

enting and by the discrimination that restricts their participation in most of our institutions.

Further institutional changes are needed to permit better living and

development

in

middle adulthood. Our institutions now are geared mainly

to early adulthood.

Whatever

even more faulty for society

and

men

in

their limitations for

young men, they are

middle age. For example, the family in our

in all others since the origin of the species

is

above

all

an

insti-

Tasks and Possibilities of Adult Development

tution for

young

The

adults.

family

is

and personal immortality.

of tradition

which youthful parents tablish their

own

most of us

for

a powerful

The

symbol

a social arrangement through

It is

strive to rear their pre-adult offspring

place in the world.

339

and to

es-

functions of the family change

drastically as the offspring begin to leave the nest

and the parents enter

middle adulthood.

We are just beginning to ask of the family in the lives of

the fundamental questions about the role

its

middle-aged members.

The

relationships

of parents to their adult offspring (and to the succeeding generations) have

middle and

a continuing importance in

hood,

if

the family

late

adulthood. In middle adult-

man and woman must

intact, a

is

relationships with each other, with their offspring their parents

new

What

and perhaps grandparents.

the family, and what should be living conditions of

are the proper functions of

and guiding

structure

its

middle adulthood?

restructure their

and grandchildren, with

What

values,

under the

kinds of supports are

needed so that the middle-aged can better manage their developmental

and cope with the

tasks

when

a person has

Similarly,

strains of family life?

more than one

most occupations

When we

spective of early adulthood. usually focus

are defined

The problem

no

family, or

compounded

is

middle

family, in the

it

and of

Much

less

work

thought, and certainly

public discussion, have been given to the meaning of work in

these years.

What new

we

requires dur-

ing the initial five or ten or twenty years. But the nature of a man's

less

per-

discuss or study an occupation,

on the process of entry and the kinds of work

changes appreciably in middle adulthood.

much

years.

and understood from the

How

should jobs and careers evolve during middle adulthood?

kinds of work are desirable from the viewpoint of the individual

society?

What

can be done to provide for greater learning and

re-

juvenation within the same occupation, for shifting to a "second career," or for early retirement

and change to new forms of work

in

middle adult-

hood?

As we move intd the epoch of "postindustrial" society, major changes will be required in every aspect of social life. We must increase the possibilities for creative

work and

generated and sustained in

mentor

relationships

play.

all

New

archetypal

Dreams

will

have to be

segments of the population. Participation in

must become

a

more widespread and valued

part of

adult living. There are important political and economic aspects to this,

but no existing

political

Issues such as these are beginning to

only been scratched. There to look

more

deeply.

The

is

all

of

viewpoint offers clear answers.

be discussed, but the surface has

strong individual and institutional reluctance

questions are new.

run counter to traditional ways of thinking.

They evoke It

is

great anxiety

and

hard to explore their

full

THE SEASONS OF A

34O

MAN S

LIFE

The paradox

complexity, let alone find rational answers.

devote ourselves to the search for

new

we

and that

are as yet

nof up

to the task

"muddling through" before

These problems

differences in culture

and

species during

its

of

To

different

present stage of

on the universal themes are produced by

institutions, as well as in individual heredity

Humankind

tasks of the present eras

human

more

be made.

are certainly not limited to our society.

evolution. Countless variations

is still

how

learning

to

and

meet the developmental

and periods, and thereby to improve the value of too

much

life

over

will

be managed well by most persons

its

will take generations

significant advances can

degrees, they hold for the entire

circumstances.

it

we must we know that

that

is

solutions even though

entire course. It

is

in

to expect that

middle adulthood

any society within the forseeable

future. I

am

not saying that the

basic nature

life

and timing of the

but fundamental change of

cycle in

eras will

this

kind

present form

its

is

immutable. The

no doubt be modified

is

in the future,

evolutionary. It requires hundreds

of generations, not merely a few decades or centuries. In the longer run,

our further progress in fostering adult development

human society and human evolution.

formation of

epoch in

That chapter

in history

personality,

is still

far off.

to understand the nature of the current structive

change within

be written. Despite the is

to get

it.

If

on with the work.

part of a trans-

and thus contribute to a new

For now, we have

life

we cannot do

difficulty of the

may be

cycle so,

and

to

all

we can do

work toward con-

the next chapter

may

never

problem, our only reasonable choice

a otes

page xi

PREFACE

Ray C. WaJker

As part of

his

a senior thesis at Yale University

work on the project, Walker completed Medical School: "Individuation and the

Mid-Life Decade in Men," Yale University School of Medicine, April 1970. xiii

xiii

WiJIy Brandjt Barbara L. Kellerman, "Willy Brandt: Portrait of the Leader as Young Politician," doctoral dissertation, Department of Political Science, Yale University, 1975. development oi women Wendy A. Stewart,

"The Formation of the Early Adult Life Structure in Women," doctoral dissertation in clinical psychology, Teachers College, Columbia University, 1976. CHAPTER

4

1

In academic psychology social sciences, see

Karl

For examples of important

Mannheim's seminal

essay,

early

work

in the

"The Problem

of

published in 1928, reprinted in his Essays on the Sociology oi KnowJedge (Oxford University Press, 1952), pp. 276-320, Generations,"

first

and Arnold van Gennep, The Rites of Passage (University of Chicago, i960 [original, 1908]),. Our conception of "transition" owes much to van Gennep's view of "passage." Recent summaries of the social science literature are in the following source works: Leonard D. Cain, "Life Course and Social Structure," in R. E. L. Faris, ed., Handbook of Modern Sociology (Rand McNally, 1964); Orville G. Brim, Jr., and Stanton Wheeler, Socialization After Childhood (Wiley, 1966); Orville G. Brim, Jr., "Theories of the Male Mid-life Crisis," The Counseling Psychologist, 6 (1976), 2-9; Glen H. Elder, "Age Differentiation and the Life Course," in Annual Review oi Sociology, Vol. I (Annual Reviews, 1975); and Matilda W. Riley, et aJ., Aging and Society, 3 vols. (Russell Sage, 1968 and 1972) (in Vol. Ill, see especially John Clausen's chapter, "The Life Course of Individuals"). Within academic psychology the earliest relevant research on adult development was that of Charlotte Buhler and her associates. See Charlotte Buhler, "The Curve of Life as Studied in Biographies," Journal oi Applied Psychology, 19 (1955), 405-9; Charlotte Buhler, "The Course of Human Life as a Psychological Problem," Human Development,

.

344

.

.

Notes

and Charlotte Buhler and Fred Massarik,

11 (1968), 184-200;

Course oi

Human

eds.,

The

Life (Springer, 1968). See also the account by Buhler's

collaborator, Else Frenkel: "Studies in Biographical Psychology/' Character

and

Personality, 5 (1936), 1-34. of the first systematic efforts in academic psychology to create a

One

combined

biological, psychological

and

social

view of development was

W. White. See Lives in (Dryden Press, 1952) and The Enterprise oi Living (Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1972) A broad and representative collection of studies, most of them done prior to i960, has been assembled by Bernice L. Neugarten in Middle Age and Aging: A Reader in Social Psychology (University of Chicago, made by my

old friend and colleague Robert

Progress

1968). Jung's thinking about adult development and indi-

Jung used the term

viduation evolved over single article or

book

in

many

years, starting in his forties.

which he gave

There

is

no

a succinct statement of his views

this topic. The following works are relevant: Man and His Symbols (Doubleday, 1964); Memories, Dreams, Reflections (Pantheon, 1963); and The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, Collected Works,

on

Vol. IX, Part

1

(2nd ed.) (Bollingen, 1968). See

also Joseph

Campbell,

The

Portable Jung (Viking, 1971 ) Erikson is primarily Erikson's view of the ed.,

following:

life

cycle

is

described in the

Childhood and Society (Norton, 1950) and "Identity and the

Life Cycle," PsychoJogica J Issues,

This tradition includes

Death (Free

1 (1959), 1-171. Ernest Becker's last two books were

The Denial

1973) and Escape from Evil (Macmillan, 1976). Although Becker does not deal primarily with the life cycle and the problem of adult development, his ideas about adulthood lend themselves to a developmental approach. of

Press,

The investigator whose work most closely resembles ours is Roger L. Gould. He independently arrived at a similar sequence of periods in adult development. His findings are based chiefly on his clinical experience with groups and with couples, and his emphasis is primarily on personality development. See his article "The Phases of Adult Life: A Study in Developmental Psychology," American Journal oi Psychiatry, 129 (1972), 521-31. A fuller account is given in his book, tentatively titled Transiormations (Simon

&

Schuster, 1978, in press)

Another important study paralleling ours is George E. Vaillant's Adaptation to Liie (Little, Brown, 1977). This study deals primarily with the quality of a man's overall adjustment in adulthood, in a sample of Harvard men. Adjustment is shown to be heavily influenced by personality mechanisms of defense and coping. Although his main emphasis is on personality and adjustment, rather than on adult development, Vaillant gives evidence of significant change from about age 20 to 50. Robert Lifton has in the past taken an Eriksonian approach in the broad field of "psychohistory." In his most recent book, however, Lifton begins to articulate his own view of adult development, drawing on various sources. See The Liie oi the Seli: Toward a New Psychology (Simon & Schuster, 1976).

.

.

Notes

345

Theodore Lidz has written a comprehensive textbook on the life attempting to combine evidence from psychoanalysis and the social sciences: The Person: His Development Throughout the Liie Cycle

cycle,

(Basic Books, 1968). ." long whiJe From the musical Knickerbocker Holiday by Maxwell Anderson and Kurt Weill (Anderson House, 1938), pp. 55." From Dylan Thomas, Collected Poems (New 56. "Do not go gentle

7

"It's a Jong,

8

Directions, 1957) occupational or famiJiaJ career

.

.

.

.

Some illustrative work on stages in famdevelopment and occupational development: Jesse Bernard. The Future of Marriage (World, 1972); Michael P. Fogarty, Rhona Rapoport and Robert N. Rapoport, Sex, Career and FamiJy (Allen & Unwin, 1971 ); Marjorie Fiske Lowenthal, Magda Thurnher and David Chiriboga, Four Stages of Life: A Comparative Study oi Women and Men Facing Transitions (Jossey-Bass, 1975); Cyril Sofer, Men in Mid Career: A Study of British Managers and Technical Specialists (Cambridge University Press, 1970); Harold Wilensky, "Life Cycle, Work Situation and Participation in Formal Associations," in R. Kleemeier, cd., Aging and Leisure (Oxford University Press, 1961); Donald E. Super, Career Development: SelfConcept Theory (College Entrance Examination Board, Research Monograph No. 4, 1963). option too restricted My earlier research on career development includes the following collaborative studies: Myron R. Sharaf and Daniel J. Levinson, "The Quest for Omnipotence in Professional Training: The Case of the Psychiatric Resident," Psychiatry, 27 (1964), 135-49; Richard C. Hodgson, Daniel J. Levinson and Abraham Zaleznik, The Executive Role Constellation: An Analysis of Personality and Role Relations in Management (Harvard Business School 1965); Daniel }. Levinson and Eugene B. Gallagher, Patienthood in the Mental Hospital: Role, Personality and Social Structure (Houghton Mifflin, 1964); Daniel }. Levinson and Gerald ily

8

L. Klerman,

"The

Clinician-Executive:

Some Problematic

Issues for the

Mental Health Organizations," Psychiatry, 30 (1967), 3-15; Gerald L. Klerman and Daniel J. Levinson, "Becoming the Director: Promotion as a Phase in Personal-Professional Development," Psychiatry, 32 (1969), 411-27. A first step Wendy A. Stewart, "The Formation of the Early Adult Psychiatrist in

9

Life Structure in

11

Women,"

doctoral dissertation in clinical psychology,

Teachers College, Columbia University, 1976. the writer's world Many persons helped us gain a fuller understanding of the writer's world. I would like especially to thank Bernard Malamud

and Toni Morrison, with whom I discussed many aspects of the work and career, with rich examples from their own and others'

chapter 22

writer's lives.

2

Biologists often

The

use of age 30 as a reference point for deriving age is discussed by Robert R. Kohn in Principles

curves of biological decline of 25

Mammalian Aging

professional athlete

(Prentice Hall, 1971 ) account of the subsequent careers of professional

An

.

346

Notes baseball players

is

Made (Putnam, 26

Great

1972).

"Death and the Mid-Life

Elliott Jaques,

artists

tional Journal of Psychoanalysis,

Jaques,

Work,

Summer (New American Robinson ended his baseball and politics: I Never Had It

given by Roger Kahn: Boys of

Library, 197-3). In his late thirties Jackie career and entered the world of business

Creativity

28

Press, 1970). Spanish philosophci

28

1958). ego stages

Crisis," Interna-

46 (1965), 502-14, reprinted

and Social

Justice

Jose Ortega y Gasset,

in Elliott

(International Universities

Man

and

Crisis

(Norton,

Erik H. Erikson, Childhood and Society (Norton, 1950) and "Identity and the Life Cycle," Psychological Issues, 1 (1959), 1-171. In these and other writings, Erikson is somewhat elusive about the age linkages of the adult stages.

The

ages

I

give are,

I

believe, con-

For example, in his major biography dealing with middle adulthood, Gandhi's Truth, he identifies Generativity vs. Stagnation as the issue worked on in the forties and fifties. autobiography The quote is from page 1 of The Autobiography oi Bertrand RusselJ, Vol. II, 1914-1944 (Little, Brown, 1968). C. G. Jung Jung's theory of mid-life individuation is not systematically described in any single work. One has to get a feeling for it from various sources. See page 344, note beginning Jung used the term. Jung was the first Among the early depth psychologists, Rank too placed great emphasis on separation and individuation in adulthood. See the volume Will Therapy and Truth and Reality (Knopf, 1945), containing several papers going back to 1926. facilitating environments Donald W. Winnicott has developed the idea of the "facilitating environment" for child development. See The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment: Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development (Hogarth, 1965). The same basic idea needs to be applied to the facilitation of adult development. Examples abound A spirited defense of creativity in later life is given by the German poet Gottfried Benn in his article "Artists and Old Age," Partisan Review, 22 (Summer 1955), 297-319. Ernest Jones Jones's three-volume biography is entitled The Life and Works of Sigmund Freud (Basic Books, 1953, 1955, 1957) Jate Jate adulthood Research on the biological potential for increasing the average life span well beyond the eighties is reviewed by Albert Rosen feld in Proiongevity (Knopf, 1976). Roscnfeld and most of the research biologists have little to say, however, about the psychological and social sistent with his general usage.

31

33

33

36

37

37 38

aspects of old age.

chapter 47

The

3

the water The excerpt is from page 39 of an essay by Arthur Miller: "The Shadow of the Gods," Harper's Magazine, August fish is in

1958, pp. 35-43.

47

"Oedipus" 43-

This excerpt

is

from the same essay by Arthur Miller, page

.

Notes

59

Jean-Paul Sartre

Sartre's

concept of the "project"

book Existential Psychoanalysis (Philosophical

is

347

discussed in his

Library, 1953; paperback:

Regnery, 1962).

chapter 72

5

The average age of onset For each subject we determined the age at which every period began and ended. In some cases the determinations were made by the staff member writing the biography, and then discussed and modified in our staff meeting. The final determination thus represented a staff consensus. This procedure was commonly followed in the early stages, when we were working out our conception of the periods. The age ratings made later in the study were usually done jointly by two persons the one writing the biography and myself. At this point we can say that two experienced researchers will ordinarily come within a year of each other in estimating the age at which a period begins or ends in a given case. have not yet fully codified the criteria by which these determinations should be made. Such codification is an important next

—

We

step.

We tive

have ratings for every period on

findings

are of

interest

in

all

our subjects. These quantita-

establishing

a

preliminary picture of

important to emphasize that they, like other quantitative data in our study, are suggestive rather than conclusive. Much work remains to be done by way of measuring more rigorously, clarifying the theoretical issues, studying other populations, the timetable of the periods, but

it is

—

sorting out the

many

factors

involved

—before

firm generalizations

on

age linkages can be made.

chapter 6 book The

91

"In Dreams Begin Responsibilities" Appeared World Is a Wedding (New Directions, 1948)

92

early childhood Winnicott's ideas about "transitional phenomena" in childhood are discussed in Playing and ReaJity (Basic Books, 1971). See also his earlier book, The MaturationaJ Processes and the Facilitating Environment: Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development (Hogarth Press,

98

1965). experience

my own

One of my important mentors as a graduate student was Else Frenkel-Brunswik. Many years later indeed, just as I was beginning this study of adult development I was invited to give a brief account of her life and work. This account contains, in muted form, my personal appreciation of her as psychologist, teacher and friend. See "Else Frenkel-Brunswik," International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences (Macmillan and Free Press, 1968), V, 559-62. young novelist The critic Harold Bloom maintains that young poets usually have such a symbolic figure, a great writer from the past whom they struggle to emulate and supersede. See his book The Anxiety of Influence (Oxford University Press, 1973). The internalization The psychoanalyst Hans Loewald, in one of the

—

100

101

in Schwartz's

—

348

Notes few papers on the ways in which psychoanalytic treatment contributes to adult development (and not solely to the resolution of pre-adult conflicts),

proposes that the patient's internalization of the psychoanalyst

"On

aspect of this process. See his article Psychoanalysis,"

Internationa]

Journal

oi

is

a

major

the Therapeutic Action of Psychoanalysis,

41

(i960),

16-33.

CHAPTER 10 155

dying This process of decline in middle adulthood has been described by Stanley Rosenberg and Michael Farrell: "Changes in Life Course at

A Pattern of Psychosocial Decline," presentation at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association, San Francisco, August 26, 1975 (available from authors, Dartmouth University Medical School). Midlife:

CHAPTER 13 196

Eiikson

Erikson's theory of Generativity vs. Stagnation

"Identity and the Life /Cycle," Psychological Issues,

His

fullest biographical

example of

this stage

is

is

presented in

(1959), 1-171. Gandhi's Truth (Norton, 1

1969).

196

See Elliott Jaques, "Death and the Mid-Life Crisis,"

destructiveness

Internationa] Journal oi Psychoanalysis, 46 in Elliott Jaques, versities Press,

196 196

Goya

Work,

Creativity

and Social

(1965), 502-14, reprinted Justice ( International Uni-

1970).

Martha Wolfenstein, "Goya's Dining Room," Psychoanalytic

Quarterly, 35 (1966), f> u inteiioiity

1, 47-83. Bernice L. Neugarten,

"A Developmental View

Personality," in James E. Birren, ed., Relations of

of Adult

Development and

Aging (Charles C. Thomas, 1965).

chapter 14 211

Puer

For Jungian theory regarding Puer and Senex, see Carl G. Jung, and His Symbols (Doubleday, 1964); Marie-Louise von Franz, The Problem of the Puer Aeternas (Spring, 1970); James Hillman, "Puer and Senex," Eranos Jahibuch, 36 (Zurich, 1968), 301-59; and James Hillman, "On Senex Consciousness," Spring; Annual oi Archetypal Psychology and

Man

212

Jungian Thought, 1970. youthful qualities In an archetypal sense, the

by energy and tion

is

drive, the

Old by

structure

and

found, in a highly sophisticated form,

biology, psychology

and

social

fundamental properties of

all

science.

Young is characterized The same distincin modern theories of

stability.

Energy and structure are two

living systems

—

cell,

biological organism,

and society. Every living system must have some form of energy, and it must have a structure through which its energy is contained and directed. Structure without energy is an inert form incapable of action or change. Energy without structure is individual person,

social

institution

Notes chaos.

A

349

system needs both in order to perform various functions and to

evolve over time.

At the

start of a

developmental process, an organism' has abundant

energy and potential but a relatively limited structure. repertory

is

narrow,

its

Its

behavioral

adaptive capabilities restricted, and a great deal

of energy is used for its internal development. In the course of development, the structure grows and differentiates into more numerous components capable of specific functions. The components are in turn integrated within a more complex structure. The structure gains more stability, functions for a while at its maximal level and gradually declines, ultimately to dissolve or to be transformed into a new structure. Thus, during the early phases of development a system has maximal energy and an incipient, vulnerable structure. During the middle phases the system attains its optimal balance of energy and structure. In the final phases there is a decline in energy and an increasingly brittle structure, which finally breaks under external stress or runs out of internal resources. This process is repeated during every developmental period and over the cycle as a whole.

life

215

215

hero as a middle-aged man." In his novel Chimera (Random House, 1972), John Barth offers various portrayals of the youthful hero entering middle age. wish for immortality The importance of the wish for immortality, and the struggle to come to terms with one's own mortality, have been discussed from various psychological and philosophical viewpoints. In Freu".

.

.

dian theory the wish for omnipotence and the assumption of one's

own

immortality are posited as part of the child's basic psychological function-

Although Freud did not deal systematically with the kinds of change he did take note of the persistence into adulthood of these childhood qualities. See, for example, his Religion: The Future oi an Illusion (Norton, 1975). Jungian theory deals with these qualities in part through the concept of the "Puer" (see page 348, note beginning Puer). These are discussed, from a combined psychological-philosophical point of view, by the great Spanish philosopher Miguel de Unamuno in The Tragic Sense of Life (Dover, 1954; first English translation. 1921). The anthropologist Ernest Becker has made a notable attempt at synthesis of anthropological and depth psychological views of the wish for immortality in his book Denial of Death (Free Press, 1973). This has been a theme in the writings of Robert Lifton; his most recent formulation is given in The Life of the Self: Toward a New Psychology (Simon & Schuster, 1976). Elliott Jaques draws upon the ideas of Freud and Melanie Klein in his essay "Death and the Mid-Life Crisis," Internationa] Journal of Psychoanalysis, 46 (1965), 502-14. Although these authors use diverse theoretical approaches, there is a growing convergence in our understanding of the immortality-mortality conflict as an issue in adult development. in her middle forties The quote by Hellman is from page 226 of the biography by Richard Moody, Lillian Hellman: Playwright (Bobbs-Merrill, ing.

that occur in the course of adult development,

217

1972).

.

.

.

.

35°

Notes

218

"... he dares to live" The full title of the Roethke poem is "The Dying Man: In Memoriam: W. B. Yeats," in Words for the Wind (Indiana University Press, 1961

218

"No

), p.

longer in Lethean"

190.

poem "Vacillation" is reprinted in M. Poems and Two Plays of WiJJiam ButJer Yeats

Yeats's

L. Rosenthal, ed., Selected

(Collier Books, 1966), p. 134.

CHAPTER 15 225 225

The quote from Paradise Lost is in Book IV, line 73. The concept of the "tragic sense" is developed by Miguel de Unamuno in his book The Tragic Sense of Life (Dover, 1954) For a discussion of tragedy in literature, see Richard B. Sewall, The Vision

Jdhn Milton

"tragic sense oi life"

226

of Tragedy (Yale University Press, 1959) Shakespeare's discussion of King Lear

228

all artists

232

Journal of Psychoanalysis, 46 (1965), 502-14. authoritarian personality Theodor W. Adorno, Else Frenkel-Brunswik,

My is heavily indebted to Harold C. Goddard, The Meaning of Shakespeare (University of Chicago Press, 1951).

Daniel

233 239

J.

Elliott Jaques,

"Death and the Mid-Life

Crisis," International

Levinson and R. Nevitt Sanford, The Authoritarian Personality

(Harper, 1950; paperback editions by Wiley and Norton). James Watson, The Double Helix (Atheneum, 1968).

DNA

grow up and go out For a discussion of the role of mentoring in the career development of occupationally successful women, see Margaret Henning and Anne Jardim, Women and Management (Doubleday, 19T1)-

CHAPTER l6 John Barth, Chimera (Random House, 1972) Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust (New Directions, 1941). Now that my ladder's gone" Appears on page 184 of M. L. Rosened., Selected Poems and Two Plays of William Butler Yeats (Collier

246

the key

247 249

Faust ".

.

.

thal,

Books, 1966).

249

separation

Jung's account of his separation from Freud

249

250

254

is

described in

Memories, Dreams, Reflections (Pantheon, 1963). See also Joseph Campbell's introduction to his selections from Jung's writings, The Portable Jung (Viking, 1971 ) reluctance to publish Jung's reference to his correspondence with Freud is contained in the introduction (pages xxx-xxxi) to William McGuire, ed., The Freud/ Jung Letters (Princeton University Press, Bollingen Series XCIV, 1974). The letter was written on April 9, 1959, when Jung was 84; the memory was still vivid! Reviewing Kazan's See James Baldwin's review of Elia Kazan's The Arrangement, in New York Review of Books, March 23, 1967, p. 17. Gandhi Erik H. Erikson, Gandhis Truth (Norton, 1969), pp. 314-21.

his autobiography,

.

Notes

257

351

decline Stanley Rosenberg and Michael Farrell, Course at Midlife: A Pattern of Psychosocial Decline," presentation at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association, San Francisco, August 26, 1975 (available from authors, Dartmouth University Medical School )

husband's

severe

"Changes

in Life

chapter 20 319

human development

The work

of Kohlbcrg, Piaget

and Loevinger

is

described in the following sources: Lawrence Kohlbcrg, "Stage and Se-

The Cognitive-Developmental Approach to Socialization," in D. A. Goslin, ed., Handbook of Socialization Theory and Research (Rand McNally, 1969); Lawrence Kohlbcrg, "Continuities in Childhood and Adult Moral Development Revisited," in P. B. Baltes and K. W. Schaie, eds., Liie Span Developmental Psychology: Personality and Socialization (Academic Press, 1973); Jane Loevinger, Ego Development: Conceptions and Theories (Jossey-Bass, 1976); Jean Piaget, The Child and Reality: Problems oi Genetic Psychology (Penguin, 1976); Jean Piaget, Moral Judgement oi the Child (Free Press, 1932); and Jean Piaget and Barbel Inhelder, The Child's Conception of Space (Humanities, 1963). >f "For man is Marcel Proust, Remembrance oi Things Past (Random House, 1932). The quote is from Sweet Cheat Gone (translation by C. K.Scott Moncreiff). universals For a discussion of the problems of determining universals in personality across many cultures, see Alex Inkeles and Daniel J. Levinson, "National Character: The Study of Modal Personality and Sociocultural Systems," in G. Lindzey and E. Aronson, eds., Handbook oi quence:

321

322

Social Psychology (Addison-Wcsley, 1968).

323

A Jungian approach to the study of myths is reCampbell, The Masks oi God 4 vols. (Viking, 1959— 68); Mircea Eliade, Patterns in Comparative Religion (Meridian, 1958); and Mircea Eliade, The Myth oi the Eternal Return (Harper & Row,

anthropological basis flected in Joseph

7

1965).

For Jung's own view of myth, see Carl G. Jung and K. Kerenyi, Essays on a Science oi Mythology (Princeton University Press, 1949)- See also the book by the American anthropologist Paul Radin (with commentaries by Jung and Kerenyi), The Trickster: A Study in American Indian Myth324

ology (Schocken, 1972 [rev. ed.]). societies around the world Simone de Beauvoir,

The Coming

oi

Age

(Putnam, 1972). 324

contrasting societies

David L. Gutmann,

Imperative," Commentary, the. Middle Years:

Developmental Issues

and the

-Parental

in

in

the Masculine Mid-Life

(1976), 41-59; and "Mayan Comparative TAT Study," Psychiatry, 29 (1966), 246-59. The Talmud Philip Blackman, ed., "The Sayings of the Fathers," Order Nezikin, Tractate Avoth, 21st Mishna (Judaica Press, 1963 [2nd rev.

Crisis," Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, 9

Aging:

324

"Women

December 1973; "Individual Adaptation

ed.]).

A

352

Notes

324

The Analects of Confucius, translated and annotated by six steps Arthur Waley (Vintage Books, 1938), Book II, p. 88. Solon Solon's account of the life stages is quoted by A. L. Vischer in Old Age: Its Compensation and Rewards (Macmillan, 1947), p. 121. "Adequate efficiency" Bidder's original article is "Senescence," Biitish Medical Journal, 2 (1932), 5831. The article is quoted and discussed by Alex Comfort in Ageing: The Biology of Senescence (Routledge & Kegan

324 327

Paul, 1964).

328

hunting-gathering ering societies, see

339

For a review of data on the life span in hunting-gathS. Weiner, The Natural History oi Man (Universe

}.

Books, 1971). Issues such as these

John Schaar has written a brilliant, evocative paper Modern State," in Power and Community: Dissenting Essays in Political Science, Philip Green and Sanford Levinson, eds. [Vintage Books, 1970]) that deals with some of these questions. He ("Legitimacy in the

examines the evolving crisis in the legitimation of authority in all modern Although he does not deal explicitly with adult development, his analysis applies most directly to people in middle adulthood, who carry the main burdens of authority in families and in society. To be a wise authority, in Schaar's terms, one must have made considerable societies.

progress in resolving the issues of the Mid-life Transition.

Grateful acknowledgment

made

is

to the following for permission to reprint

previously published material:

James Baldwin: excerpt from James Baldwin's review of "The Arrangement" by Elia Kazan, The New York Review oi Books, Volume 8, March 23, 1967.

The British Medical Journal: excerpt from "Senescence" by The British Medical Journal, ii, 1932.

Bidder, published

in

Sons, Ltd., and New Directions: excerpt from "Do Not Go GenThat Good Night" by Dylan Thomas, Copyright 1952 by Dylan Thomas. By permission of New Directions and J. M. Dent Ltd., and the trustees for the Copyright of the late Dylan Thomas. J.

M. Dent &

tle

into

Doubleday & Company,

and Faber & Faber, Ltd.:

Inc.,

lines of poetry

from

"They Sing, They Sing," Copyright © 1956 by Theodore Roethke. From the book The Collected Poems of Theodore Roethke. By permission of the publishers.

International Creative

Management:

by Arthur Miller, published

The Shadows

excerpts from

in Harper's magazine,

of the

Gods

August 1958. Copyright

©

1958 by Arthur Miller. Little,

Brown and Company in association with the Atlantic Monthly Press: The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell, 1914-10,44, Volume II.

excerpt from

Macmillan Co.,

Inc.: excerpts

from The Collected Poems of WiJJiam Butier

Yeats: from "Vacillation," Copyright 1933 by

Macmillan Co.,

Inc.,

renewed

1961 by Bertha Georgie Yeats; and from "The Circus Animal's Desertion,"

Copyright 1940 by Georgie Yeats, renewed 1968 by Bertha Georgie Yeats, Michael Butler Yeats, and Anne Yeats. Richard Moody: excerpt from Lillian Hellman, Playwright by Richard Moody, Bobbs-Merrill Co., Inc.,

©

1972.

Princeton University Press and Routledge

JafTe,

Volume

& Kegan

Paul: excerpt from C.

G.

1906-1950, edited by Gerhard Adler and Aniela translated by R. F. C. Hull. Bollingen Series XCV. Copyright 1971,

Jung: Letters,

1:

©

1973 by Princeton University

Random

House,

Inc.: excerpt

Proust, translated

The Richmond

Press, p. 19.

Reprinted by permission.

from Rememberance of Things Past by Marcel

by C. K. Scott Moncrieff.

Organization: lyrics appearing on page 7 from "September

Song" from the musical play Knickerbocker Holiday. Words by Maxwell Anderson, music by Kurt Weil. Copyright 1938 and renewed 1966 by Hampshire House Publishing Corp. and DeSylva, Brown, & Henderson, Inc., New York,

N. Y. Used by permission.

a ndex

The

notes (pages 343—52) should be consulted for additional reference to the work

of other investigators.

Abbott, Philip (pseud.), worker and

manager, 160

272-3; Mid-life Transition, 267-77;

Adler, Alfred, 5 adolescence, 21; leaving, in Early

novice phase, 261-4; professional

Adult Transition, 72-3; separation from parents in, 51, 73-5

Age

Fifty Transition, 62, 292

man, concepts of Confucius, Solon, and the Talmud, 324-6

ages of

age thirty

crisis,

50, 51, 53, 56,

71,90, 109-11, 196, 236, 320, 337; in biographies, 85, 120-5, 1 3 2 ~5> 175-80, 262, 264-5; change processes in, 85-6; choice

and

forming of occupation, 102-6;

crises

86-9, 95; described, 58-9, 84-9; marriage in, 77, 108, 143, 258; follows,

1

39

anima, 109 archetypes: Jung's conception, 33; 210-11; Young and Old, 211, 214,

215, 221

Attachment/ Separation

second marriage, 264-7, 20 9' Settling Down, 264-5; "y 0un g est member complex," 260, 266, 273 Beauvoir,

Simone

de, 324

Becker, Ernest, 5

Own Man

Becoming One's Settling

Down

)

(Late

60, 141, 150, 151,

,

201, 205-8, 245, 249, 291, 302, 303, 319, 320, 3 37; in biography, 16770; boyish self in, 146-7; described,

(pseud.), 67, 264-9,

in,

147-9

Berg, Carl (pseud.), novelist, 95 Bidder, G. P., 326-8

sition, 84, 87;

Age Thirty Tran-

choice and forming

of occupation, 102-3; college education, 75, 76; Dream, 93-4; Entering the Adult World, 81-3; En-

tering

276

256-8; mentor

144-9; marriage relationships in,

biologists, 64, 65;

Baldwin, James, 250-1

Ann

265-71, 276-7; scien-

discoveries, 262-3, 267-9;

polarity,

197-8,209,239-43,335-6

Barnes,

tific

154, 155, 157-60, 162-3, 165, 191,

in,

Down

career, 263,

Barth, John, 246

58

Age Thirty Transition,

Settling

Adult World, 262; first marriage, 261-4; ment °r relationship, 262,

Middle Adulthood, 300-1;

homo-

Barnes, Ellen (pseud.), 261-4

failure or decline,

Barnes, John (pseud.), biologist, 14, 103, 154, 201, 203, 220, 231, 233,

sexuality, 230; love relationships,

301;

Age Thirty

Transition, 262,

264-5; biography, 260-77; children, 262, 266; college education, 261-2; described, 67-8;

Dream, 261, 262,

265, 267, 270, 276; Entering the

1 5

5-6;

77, 82; marriage, 77, 82; Mid-life Transition, 203, 207; relationship

with parents, 74, 76-7; see also Barnes, John; Brenner, Steven;

Morgan, Barry; Northrop,

Earl;

Ruger, Kurt; Treloar, Arthur

358

Index

occupation, 103-5; definition

Blacks: novelists, 88-9, 292-3;

workers, 104-5,

1

54~5> 2 °4>

20 5>

280-1, 306 Brenner, Steven (pseud.), biologist,

164

Chekhov, Anton, 216 childhood, 18, 20-1; mother in child's play and fantasy, 92-3; separation and individuation in, 51, 74; tran-

phenomena

in,

92-3; see

also pre-adulthood

choices, 43-4, 52

Confucius on ages of man, 324-6

early adulthood, 18, 19, 21-3, 29, 241,

328; development of

D'Amico, Nick (pseud.), worker, 204 Darrow, Charlotte, 67 death: in Destruction/ Creation polar-

222-3; preoccupation with, in

transitions, 51; preparation for,

38-9; sense of mortality and wish for immortality, 213-18

depth psychology, 4, 5 Destruction/ Creation polarity, 197-8, 209, 222-8, 335-6 detribalization,

242

developmental periods, 40-1, 49-63; age linkages, 318-19; concept of, 40-1, 49-56, 317-18; descriptions of, in sequence, 56-62; evaluation, 320; overlapping

and connecting,

321-2; sequence, 319-20; transi-

structure

life

330-9; see also Entering the Adult World; novice phase in,

Early Adult Transition, 19, 20, 29, 40, 55, 58-9,90, 111, 144, 317, 320, 323, 335; in biographies, 116-17,

128-30, 261; college

ity,

modifying in

Mid-life Transition, 245-51, 255; in Settling Down, 140, 153, 157,

Campbell, Joseph, 323 Capote, Truman, 200

sitional

and

modifying, 245-51, 255, 331-2; in marriage, 109-10, 332-3; mentor in realization of, 98-9;

156

of,

91; described, 245-8; forming

tinuity

in,

75-6; con-

and discontinuity

in,

76-8;

crises in, 81; described,

57-8, 72-8; Dream in, 93, 97, 247; individuation in, 195-6; marriage in, 77, 106-8; military service in, 75; occupation in, 101, 103, 104

Early Settling ego, inflation

Down, 141-3

and

deflation,

247-8

ego stages, Erickson's theory, 29, 37, 196, 254, 322-3 Eliade, Mircea, 323

Entering the Adult World, 55, 56, 58-9, 71, 84, 90, 278, 320; in biographies, 117-20, 130-2, 175-7,

263; choices, 80, 104; creating stable structure, 79-80, 82-3; crises,

81, 82; described, 57-8, 78-84;

49-53; universality, 322-6 developmental tasks, 49, 51, 53-5; of early and middle adulthood, 330-40

Dream

Doby, Luke (pseud.), worker: Entering Middle Adulthood, 281; failure and decline in Settling Down,

79-81, 83, 101; satisfaction with

tions,

154-5,205

Dominant set's

generation, Ortega y Gas-

conception, 28-9, 214

Dream,

the,

91-7, 109, 111, 192, 220,

221, 241, 243, 337, 339; in biographies, 94-5, 115, 116, 120, 124, 172, 173, 175, 177, 182, 187, 261,

265, 267, 270, 276, 286, 287, 290, 293, 302; in choice and forming of

in,

93; exploration, 79-80,

82; love relationships, 82, 83; marriage, 77, 82, 83, 108;

occupation,

life structure, 83 Entering Middle Adulthood, 194,206,

245, 251, 259, 319; in biographies,

280-304, 311-13;

biologists, 300-1;

described, 278-304; executives,

302-4; novelists, 291-300; workers,

280-91 eras in life cycle, 18-39, 4°' 317—30;

see also developmental periods

Erikson, Erik H.,

5,

319; ego stages,

theory, 29, 37, 196, 254, 322-3

'

Index evolution and

life cycle,

executives, 64, 65;

326-30

Age Thirty Tran-

85-7, 96, 120-5; cn °i ce and forming of occupation, 102; college

sition,

education, 75; discontinuity in Early Adult Transition, 78; Dream, 95-6, 115, 116, 120, 134, 302; Entering the Adult World, 81, 83, 117-20;

Entering Middle Adulthood, 302-4; failure or decline, 155; marriage, 77; Mid-life Transition, 202-3, 207,

220, 302, 303; relationship with parents, 74, 76, 81; Settling Down, 125, 141-2, 155, 158, 170; see also

Gallagher, Mike; Heinz, Leo; Jaffe,

David;

Mohn,

Roger; Radovich,

Frank; Tracy, James

Ibsen, Henrik, 216

Identity

vs.

Identity Confusion (Erik-

son's ego stage), 29, 323 illusions: in

Dream, 246-8;

44-5; sep-

aration from, 75; ties to ethnic and religious traditions, 77; see also

parents

immortality, wish individual

and

individual

life

for,

society,

213-18 46-7

structure, see life struc-

ture

individuation, 195-7, 335—6; in child-

hood, 51; Jung's conception

of, 33,

196; in Mid-life Transition, 196-8,

209-44; see a k° polarities Initiation generation, Ortega y Gasset's

conception

of,

28-9, 214

Integrity vs. Despair (Erikson's ego

adulthood, 37

self

and world,

46-9 Intimacy

vs. Isolation

(Erikson's ego

stage), 29, 323

Jaffe,

Freud, Sigmund, 4-5, 323; disagreement with Jung, 4, 249; in late

David (pseud.), executive,

302-3 James, William, 323 Jaques, Elliott, 26, 196, 228, 323 Jones, Ernest, 37

friendship, 335

Gallagher,

Mid-

stage), 29, 37, 323

family: forming, 106-7, 110, 332-3, life structure,

in

Transition, 192-3, 256-7

life

Interpenetration of

338-9; in

359

Mike

(pseud.), executive,

Jung, Carl Gustav, 4-5, 109, 323; archetypes, conception of, 33,

210-11; disagreement with Freud,

Gandhi, Mahatma, 254, 323

4,

generations: conception of, 27; Erik-

tion,

249; on ego inflation and defla247-8; individuation, concep-

son's eight ego stages, 29, 37, 196,

tion of, 33, 196; second half of

254, 322-3; Ortega y Gasset's conception of, 28-9, 214, 323; sequence

4-5, 33; Young and Old archetypes, Puer and Senex, 211

of,

conception

life,

of,

27-30

Generativity

vs.

Stagnation (Erikson's

Kazan, Elia,

The Arrangement, 250-1

ego stage), 29, 196,254, 323 Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von, 247 Gutmann, David, 324

King, Martin Luther, 91

Heinz, Leo (pseud.), executive, 85-6,

late

205 Hellman,

Edward, 65 Kohlberg, Lawrence, 319 Klein,

adulthood, 18, 33-9; in Freud's

life,

Lillian,

The Autumn Gar-

den, 217

37 Late Adult Transition, 34, 35, 37, 62,

3*7 adulthood, 38-9, 329

Hitler Adolf, 323

late late

homosexuality, 2 30

legacy (of man's life),

Hughes, Howard, 216

Levinson, Maria, 67

218-22

Index

360

life cycle:

ages of

man, ancient con-

cepts, 324-6; concepts of, 4-7; eras

(stages) in, 18-39, 40, also

317-30

(see

developmental periods) in ;

of,

6-7; study, plan

of,

mentor

7-17 life

expectancy, changes

in,

327-30

span in contemporary nations, 328-9; of primitive man, 327-8

life

tions, 228-31 Masculine/ Feminine polarity, 197-8, 209, 228-39, 2 54> 2 5 8 335" 6 33 8 developmental gains in middle adulthood, 236-9 >

evolutionary perspective, 326-30;

meanings

masculine-feminine gender distinc-

:

life structure,

40-63; choices

components

in,

43-4;

44-6, 331-5; developmental periods, 40-1, 49-63, 317-18; individual, concept of, of,

41-6; modifying in Mid-life Tran193-5, 245-59; participation in, 43-4; self in, 42, 46-9, 53-4; sociocultural world in, 42, 46-7, sition,

53-4

relationships,

166, 333-4, 338; in

Own Man,

>

;

97-101, 123, Becoming One's

147-9; in biographies,

123, 166, 169, 171, 175-9, l8:2 ~3>

187, 262, 272-3, 305; cross-gender, 98;

and Dream, 98-9; and Mascu-

line/Feminine

polarity,

237-9;

Mid-life Transition, 251-4;

m

women

as mentors, 98 middle adulthood, 18, 19, 23-33; attachment and separateness, 241; careers and enterprises, 30-3; changes in biological and psycho-

Lifton, Robert, 5 Loevinger, Jane, 319

logical functioning, 24-7; crises,

love relationships, 332; in biographies,

31-2; developmental periods, 60-3;

1

m

59; culmination or turning point,

116, 118-20, 124-5, 166-7; Entering the Adult World, 82, 83;

forming

in Mid-life Transition, 258; in

conception

Settling

Down,

1

57; special

woman,

of, 33;

and

life

expect-

ancy, 328-30; sequence of generations,

109, 332 Luther, Martin, 323

structure in, 3 30-6, life, 37; Jung's

life

338-9; in Freud's

27-30

mid-life crisis, 159,

198-200

Mid-life Transition, 19, 21, 23, 25-7,

McCloud, Hank (pseud.), worker,

29, 30, 32-4, 37, 40, 50, 51, 56, 92,

163-5, 207 McKee, Braxton, 66

109, 278, 280, 291, 293, 299, 301,

marker events, 54-6, 61, 106

produces change in

marriage, 332-3; in

317, 319, 320;

Age Thirty Transi-

tion, 77, 108, 143, 258; average age .

at

first,

77; in

Becoming One's

Man, 256-8; breaking out

of, 1

Own 56-8;

and developmental

Dream

periods, 55, 77; in, 109-10, 332-3; in Early

Adult Transition, 77, 106-8; in Entering the Adult World, 77, 82, 83, 108; ethnic

and

religious traditions

77; forming of, 106-10; in life structure, 44-6; as marker event, in,

advancement which life

structure,

208-9; advancement within stable 201-4; in biographies, 267-77, 28 6, 306-11; breaking out: trying for new life structure, 205-6; described, 60-2, 191-208; as developmental crisis, 198-200; indi-

life structure,

viduation

in, 196-8, 209-44; ladder 248-9; mentoring and fathering, relationships with young adults,

in,

251-6; modifying the Dream, 24551, 255; modifying the life struc-

55-6, 106; modifying in Mid-life

ture,

Transition, 256-9; in novice phase,

marriage, 256-9; polarities in, 197-

77, 106-10; in Settling

143,156-8 Marx, Karl, 54

Down,

77,

193-5, 245-59; modifying

209-44; reappraising the past, 192-3; sequences in, 200-8; serious failure or decline within stable life 8,

;

Index structure, 204-5; Settling

Down

precedes, 139, 140, 147, 153, 154,

158-9, 163; tasks unstable

life

and 207-8

of, 191-2;

structure,

military service: in biographies, 116,

119-22, 128, 173, 261; in Early Adult Transition, 75

361

177, 182, 187, 202; Entering the Adult World, 81, 83, 175-7; Entering Middle Adulthood, 291-300; love relationships, 81; marriage, 77, 81, 174-5, 179-81; Masculine/Fem-

mentor

inine polarity, 231;

relation-

Milton, John, 225

l82 "3> 187; Mid-life Transition, 201-2, 207, 301; relationship with parents,

Minelli, Vincent (pseud.), worker,

74, 76-7, 81; Settling

Miller, Arthur,

47-8

204

Mohn, Roger

(pseud.), executive,

161-2, 207, 303-4 Morgan, Barry (pseud.), biologist, 103

Lady Ottoline, 32 mortality, sense of, 213-18 mother: in child's play and fantasy, Morrell,

92-3; child's separation from, 74; dependency on, 77; "good enough,"

ships, 148-9, 171, 175-9,

Down, 94, 104, 142, 148-9, 158, 180-8; see

also Berg, Carl; Namson, Paul; Osborn, Darryl; Perry, Allen; Taylor,

Richard; Tyrone, Kevin novice phase: in biography, 261-4;

developmental periods, 71-89; end 10-1 1 major tasks of, 90-1 1 1 marriage in, 77, 106-10; see also Age Thirty Transition; Early Adult

of, 1

;

Transition; Entering the Adult

92-3

World

Murray, Henry A., 14

Namson, Paul (pseud.),

novelist, 101,

occupation: in Age Thirty Transition,

142, 160, 206, 220, 232; adopted

102-6; breaking out

179-80; Age Thirty Transition, 175-80; biography, 171-88;

choice and forming

child,

business career, 175-6, 180, 182-4,

294-5; daughter, 181; described, 67;

Dream, 94-5, 172, 175, 177, 182, 187; drug use, 182-3; Entering the Adult World, 175-7; Entering Middle Adulthood, 293-300; father, 171-2, 174, 295; marriage, 174-5,

of,

of,

156-8; 101-6, 332;

Adult Transition, 101, 103, 104; in Entering the Adult World,

in Early

79-81, 83, 101; in life structure, 44-5; in middle adulthood, 339; in Settling Down, 151, 153-8, 160-5 Ochs, Ralph (pseud.), worker, 96, 204, 280

old age,

1 8;

approach

to,

34-5; late

Young and

179-81, 296, 298, 299; mentor relationships, 171, 175-9, 1 ^ 2 ~3* ^7;

late

adulthood, 38-9;

Old

archetypes, 211, 214, 215, 221;

Mid-life Transition, 293, 299; mother, 171-3; in navy, 173; Set-

see also

tling Down, 1 80-8 Namson, Sarah (pseud.),

Northrop, Earl (pseud.), biologist, 300-1

Age Thirty Transi87-9, 95; choice and forming

novelists, 64, 65;

of occupation, 102-4; college education, 75; crises in life, 81, 87-9; dis-

continuity in Early Adult Transition, 78;

polarity

The Iceman

Cometh, 216 67, 174-7,

179-81, 184, 294-6, 298, 299 Neugarten, Bernice, 196

tion,

Young/ Old

O'Neill, Eugene,

Dream, 94-5, 172, 175,

Ortega y Gasset, Jose, conception of generations, 28-9, 214, 323 Osborn, Darryl (pseud.), novelist, 207 parents: conflicts with, 74; influence in early adult life, 77-8; movement

away from, 76-7; separation young adults from, 51, 73-6; young adults living with, 74, 76 Paulsen, Ruth (pseud.), 66, 129-34, 282-4, 287-9 of sons

of

362

Index

Paulsen, William (pseud.), worker,

in

middle adulthood, 241-2; and

155, 205, 208, 232; Age Thirty Transition, 132-5; biography, 126-

Senex (Jungian archetype), 211

35; crises in family,

Settling

1

32-4; de-

Dream, 286, 287, 290; Early Adult Transition, 128-

scribed, 66-7;

30; educatioh, 128-9; Entering the Adult World, 1 30-2; Entering Middle Adulthood, 282-91; family as

society,

47-9

Down,

51, 53, 57, 84, 111,

139-65, 192, 200-8, 214, 245, 320, 337; advancement in, 140-2; advancement which produces change in life structure, 160-3; advance-

ment within

stable life structure,

models, 126-7; as a father, 283; illness, 285, 288-9, 2 9 2 marriage,

151-4; in biographies, 125, 170, 180-8, 125, 170, 180-8, 264-5,

129-31, 287^8; Mid-life Transition, 286; mother, 126, 129, 132-3, 284;

trying for

'

Settling

Down,

282, 283, 286, 291;

working

career,

129-31, 134, 282,

284-90

282, 283, 286, 291; breaking out:

in,

life structure, 1

56-60;

1 39-49; Dream

140, 153, 157, 164; Early, 141-3;

ladder

Age

new

described, 59-60,

in,

59-60, 141-3, 151, 153,

Thirty Transition

248-9; Late, see Becoming One's Own Man; marriage in, 77,

tering

143, 156-8; occupation in, 151,

Perry, Allen (pseud.), novelist:

tor

crisis, 87-8; EnMiddle Adulthood, 292; menrelationship, 148-9

:

Attachment/ Separateness,

197-8, 209, 239-43, 335- 6 De ' struction/ Creation, 197-8, 209, 222-8, 335-6; Masculine/ Fem;

inine, 197-8, 209,

54,

153-8, 160-5, 33 2 personal enter150-65, 200-1; serious failure or decline ;

prise in, 141-3; sequences,

Piaget, Jean, 319 Poe, Edgar Allan, 281 polarities

1

228-39, 2 54>

Young/Old, 1978,209-21,255, 258, 335-6 258, 335-6, 338;

within stable

life

structure,

1

54-6;

tasks in, 140-1; unstable life struc-

163-5

ture,

Shakespeare, William: King Lear,

226-7; The Tempest, 227 Shaw, George Bernard, 323; Pygmalion, 253

pre-adulthood, 19-21, 240-1, 335; leaving, see Early Adult Transition

social psychology,

Proust, Marcel, 321

special

Puer (Jungian archetype), 211

Stewart,

Radovich, Frank (pseud.), executive,

Strode, Larry (pseud.), worker, 204,

4 Solon on ages of man, 324, 326

woman, 109, 332 Wendy, 9

Strindberg, August, 216

95 Rank, Otto,

280-1 5

Reich, Wilhelm,

Talmud, ages

5

Roethke, Theodore, 218 Ruger, Curt (pseud.), biologist, 207 Russell, Alby (pseud.), worker, 96-7 Russell, Bertrand, 31—2,

233

Sartre, Jean-Paul, 59

Schopenhauer, Arthur, 325 Schwartz, Delmore, 91 second half of of >

life,

Jung's conception

4-5>33

self: in life structure,

of

man

in,

324-5

Taylor, Richard (pseud.), novelist:

42, 46-9, 53-4;

Age Thirty Transition crisis, 88-9; Entering Middle Adulthood, 278, 292-3 Thematic Apperception Test, 14, 272, 276 Thomas, Dylan, 7 Thomas, Floyd (pseud.), worker, 104-5 Tracy, James (pseud.), executive, 143, 159-60, 201, 203, 206, 208, 220,

Index

231; Age Thirty Transition, 120-5; Becoming One's Own Man, 167-70;

biography, 112-25, 166-70,305-13; children, 118, 305, 308-9, 312;

described, 65-6;

116-17; Entering the Adult World, 1 17-20; Entering Middle Adult-

1 8,

120, 12 5;

tionships; in marriage, 109-10;

culine/Feminine

Mas-

polarity, 197-8,

209, 228-39, 2 54> 2 5 8 >335- 6 > 33 8 mentors, 98; special woman, 109, »

as

Dream, 115, 116,

120, 124; Early Adult Transition,

hood, 311-13;

363

first

marriage, 117-

mentor

figures, 123,

work: in early adulthood, 22; in late adulthood, 35-7; in middle adult-

hood, 25-6, 30; see also occupation Age Thirty Transition, 84, 87, 97; choice and forming

workers, 64, 65;

166, 169, 305; Mid-life Transition, 306-11; military service, 116,

of occupation, 102, 104-5; college

119-22; mother, 112-14; second marriage, 167-9, 308-11; Settling Down, 125, 170; working career,

Dream, 96-7, 286, 287, 290; Early

122-4, 166, 168-70, 305-6, 312 Tracy, Joan (pseud.), 167-8, 305,

education, 75; crises in

81;

Adult Transition, 78, 97; Entering the Adult World, 81,83; Entering Middle Adulthood, 280-91; marriage, 77; Mid-life Transition,

203-5, 20 7> relationship with par-

308-13 Tracy, Victoria (pseud.), 116-20, 125,

166-8, 308 tragic sense of life,

ents, 74, 76; Settling 1

225-6

Treloar, Arthur (pseud.), biologist,

Down, 154-5,

58, 163-5; see a ^ so Abbott, Philip;

D'Amico, Nick; Doby, Luke; McCloud, Hank; Ochs, Ralph; Paulsen, William; Russell, Alby; Strode,

162-3 Tyrone, Kevin (pseud.), novelist, 103-4, 2 9 1-2

Larry

William Butler, 218, 249 Young and Old, archetypes, 211,214, 215,221 Young/ Old polarity, 197-8, 209-21, -

Yeats,

Watson, James, 233 Whitehead, Alfred North, 31-2 Winnicott, Donald W., 92-3, ill, 240 Wolfenstein, Martha, 196 women: adult peer relationships with

men, 106;

life,

liberated, 110; life cycles,

9; love relationships, see love rela-

255, 258, 335-6; legacy, 218-21; sense of mortality and wish for immortality,

213-18

Youth, Ortega y Gasset's generation, 28-9

A NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHORS Daniel J. Levinson, the principal author of this book, is Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry of the Yale University School of Medicine, Director of Psychology of the Connecticut Mental Health Center and Director of the

Research Unit for Social Psychology and Psychiatry. Before coming

to Yale in 1966,

he taught

at

Case Western Reserve and Harvard. Levinson

co-author of several books, including

The

Authoritarian Personality and

is

The

Executive Role Constellation.

During the course of the research upon which

this book is based, the co-authors Man's Life were members of the faculty of the Yale Department of Psychiatry. Charlotte N. Darrow was Lecturer in Sociology. Edward B. Klein was Associate Professor of Psychology; he is now Professor of Psychology and Director of Graduate Training in Clinical Psychology at the University of Cincinnati. Maria H. Levinson was and continues to be Lecturer

of

The Seasons

in Psychology.

and conducts

of a

Braxton

his

own

McKee

is

Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry,

private psychiatric practice in

New

Haven.

"A work

of great value

.

.

.

Levinson [has] discovered and created

nothing less than a psychosocial theory of

human

life,

such empirically-based conceptual breakthrough since .One can live more intelligently, Erikson's a quarter-century ago. with greater awareness, for knowing what is in this book. More about any book can not be said." the

first

.

.

PETER M.NEWTON, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT BERKELEY,

IN

AMERICAN SCIENTIST

"BADLY NEEDED. REJOICE THE PUBLICATION 0FTHIS BOOK!" I

IN

VISITING DISTINGUISHED

THOMAS J. COTTLE, PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY, AMHERST COLLEGE

THE SEASONS OF A MAN'S LIFE This

is

the

first full

report

from the team

the patterns of adult development. in

Now,

that discovered

for the first time,

Levinson's actual findings are available to the public a complete, detailed, accurate, and highly readable book,

Ranking in significance with the original works of Kinsey and Erikson, it explores and explains the specific periods of personal development through which all human beings must pass-and which together form a common pattern underlying all

human

lives.

"A PIONEERING AND RADICAL THEORY OF ADULT DEVELOPMENT. AS IMPORTANT, AND FULLY AS EXTRAORDINARY, AS KINSEY'S WAS WITH SEXUAL BEHAVIOR AND MASTERS' AND JOHNSON'S WAS WITH SEXUAL PHYSIOLOGY." .

.

-CHICAGO TRIBUNE

Cover printed

in

USA