The Anchor of My Life: Middle-Class American Mothers and Daughters, 1880-1920 9780814769492

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T H E A N C H O R O F M Y LIF E

T H E H I S T O R Y O F E M O T I O N S SERIE S

EDITED B Y

Peter N . Stearns , Carnegie-Mello n Universit y J a n Lewis , Rutger s University-Newar k 1. On the Sources of Patriarchal Rage: The Commonplace Books of William Byrd and Thomas Jefferson and the Gendering of Power in the Eighteenth Century KENNETH A . LOCKRIDG E

2. The Anchor of My Life: Middle-Class American Mothers and Daughters, 1880—1920 LINDA W . ROSENZWEI G

The Ancho r o f My Lif e Middle-Class America n Mothers an d Daughters , 1880-192 0

LINDA W . ROSENZWEI G

NEW YOR K UNIVERSIT Y PRES S NEW YOR K AN D LONDO N

NEW YOR K UNIVERSIT Y PRES S New Yor k an d Londo n Copyright © 199 3 b y Ne w Yor k Universit y All right s reserve d Library o f Congres s Cataloging-in-Publicatio n Dat a Rosenzweig, Lind a W . The ancho r o f m y life : middle-class America n mother s an d daughters, 1880-1920 / Lind a W . Rosenzweig . p. cm.—(Th e Histor y of emotion s series ) Includes bibliographica l reference s an d index . ISBN 0-8147-7455- 5 1. Mother s and daughters—Unite d States—History . 2 . Middl e class women—United States—History . I . Title . II . Series : Histor y o f emotion series . 6 HQ755.85.R66 *99 3 92~445 ° 306.874*3—dc20 CI P New Yor k Universit y Pres s books are printe d o n acid-fre e paper , and thei r bindin g material s are chosen fo r strength an d durability . Manufactured i n th e Unite d State s of Americ a 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

For My Daughters, Amy and Jane and in Memory of My Mother, Helen 5 . Weinberg

CONTENTS

Preface i

x

1. "Th e Centra l Proble m of Femal e Experience" : 1 Introduction 2. "M y Girls' Mothers": The Emotionolog y o f Mother - 2 Daughter Relationships , 1880-192 0

2

3. "Cultura l Work" : Mother-Daughte r Relationship s 4 in Novel s

1

4. " A Girl's Bes t Friend": Adolescent Daughter s an d 7 Their Mother s

0

5. " I Am S o Glad Yo u Coul d G o to College": The "Ne w 9 Woman" and He r Mothe r

1

6. "W e Need Eac h Other" : Adult Daughter s an d Thei r 11 Mothers

4

7. "Th e Revol t of th e Daughters": Middle-Clas s Englis h 13 Mothers an d Daughter s

4

8. "Mothe r Drov e U s in the Studebaker": America n 16 Mothers an d Daughter s after 192 0

7

9. "Th e Anchor o f M y Life": Toward a History o f 19 Mother-Daughter Relationship s

3

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CONTENTS

Vlll

Notes 21

7

Index 28

9

Illustrations appea r a s a grou p followin g p . 8 0

PREFACE

C

ONTEMPORARY historian s recogniz e tha t a subjective rela tionship exists between researcher s an d thei r work, an d tha t various factor s predispos e scholar s t o study particula r prob lems. Traditionally , th e influenc e o f socia l an d politica l context s ha s been stressed , bu t mor e recently , th e rol e o f privat e an d famil y experiences ha s als o bee n acknowledged . Fo r th e socia l historian , whose spher e o f interes t encompasse s ordinar y huma n activitie s an d relationships an d familia r institutions , th e links between persona l lif e and historica l subjec t matte r ca n b e especiall y close . Thi s stud y i s a n example o f suc h links. I first becam e intereste d i n th e histor y o f mother-daughte r rela tionships i n th e context of a growing persona l recognitio n o f m y ow n daughters a s interesting peopl e whos e company I enjoyed an d whos e friendship I valued. A persisten t curiosit y abou t th e degre e t o whic h my own thought s an d feeling s ha d been share d b y women i n the pas t led t o a preliminar y surve y o f th e literatur e o n mother-daughte r relationships. Althoug h I foun d discussion s o f mother s an d daugh ters by humanists, socia l scientists, and psychologists , I discovered n o well-developed historica l perspective s o n thi s topic . Whil e th e litera ture treat s motherhoo d an d th e socialization o f girl s in th e context o f more genera l consideration s o f women' s roles , famil y relationships , and child-rearin g styles , no focuse d stud y ha s examined th e relation s between mother s an d daughter s an d th e impac t o f broade r develop ments i n America n societ y an d famil y histor y o n thos e relations . Ye t the historica l stud y o f mother-daughte r relationship s ha s th e poten tial t o significantl y increas e ou r understandin g o f famil y lif e i n th e past. I t ca n als o hel p t o evaluat e th e sens e o f tensio n tha t ha s bee n articulated b y man y America n wome n i n th e contex t o f contempo ix

X

PREFACE

rary feminis m an d ne w wor k roles , an d thu s enabl e u s t o examin e just ho w ne w suc h tensio n reall y i s and fro m wha t previou s standard s it has developed . Where historica l studie s hav e touche d o n mother-daughte r inter actions i n ancillary ways , they hav e postulate d a golden ag e of sharin g and harmon y tha t wa s abruptl y disrupte d i n th e lat e nineteent h century wit h th e ris e o f th e "ne w woman " an d th e concurren t emer gence o f a femal e generatio n ga p i n opportunit y an d aspirations . T h e suggestio n o f a connectio n betwee n thes e development s an d mother-daughter relationship s seem s plausible : i f youn g wome n en joyed ne w choice s an d envisione d differen t futures , the y migh t in deed experienc e ne w problem s i n thei r interaction s wit h mother s whose live s ha d bee n define d mor e rigidl y b y th e parameter s o f nineteenth-century domesticit y an d famil y life . Ye t a nea t "befor e and after " transformatio n i n mother-daughte r relationship s woul d be unusua l i n ligh t o f th e characteristicall y evolutionar y pattern s o f change tha t ar e typicall y reveale d i n th e stud y o f socia l history . This volum e addresse s th e nee d fo r th e developmen t o f a fulle r historical perspectiv e o n th e interaction s o f mother s an d daughters , and fo r a reassessmen t o f existin g assumptions abou t th e relationshi p in th e past , throug h a n investigatio n o f America n mother-daughte r relationships durin g th e fou r decade s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Th e study focuse s o n th e experience s o f middle-clas s mother s and daugh ters fo r severa l reasons . First , th e pertinen t source s consis t primaril y of document s tha t reflec t middle-clas s experiences . Mos t of th e avail able journals, diaries , an d correspondenc e tha t recor d german e events , thoughts, an d feelings , an d thu s permi t th e analysi s o f th e emotiona l quality o f women' s lives , were writte n b y literate middle-clas s women . The prescriptiv e literatur e fro m th e perio d an d relevan t work s o f fiction als o reflec t thi s perspective . Furthermore , i t seem s reasonabl e to assum e tha t i n th e cas e o f mother-daughte r relationships , a s i n family histor y mor e generally , middle-clas s pattern s o f behavio r de fined standard s tha t wer e applie d t o th e res t o f societ y an d presum ably had som e impac t o n othe r groups , althoug h suc h standard s wer e not necessaril y internalize d b y them . Obviously, middle-clas s femal e behavio r pattern s an d value s var ied. T h e issu e o f representativenes s pose s a particularl y difficul t

PREFACE

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problem fo r th e historia n engage d i n a n effor t t o understan d th e private, emotional experience s of family lif e i n the past. This investigation focuse s primaril y o n mother s and daughter s i n the Northeas t and Midwest , with some attention t o comparative perspective s throug h an overvie w o f Englis h mother-daughte r interaction s durin g th e sam e period, a s a firs t stag e i n th e proces s o f developin g a histor y o f American mother-daughte r relationships . Th e examinatio n o f th e impact o f regiona l difference s o n America n mother-daughte r rela tionships throug h a n analysi s o f th e experience s o f wome n i n th e South and th e West remains a subject fo r futur e research. 1 As Tillie Olsen ha s observed, "Mos t of wha t ha s been, is , between mothers, daughters, and in motherhood, in daughterhood, ha s never been recorded." 2 Certainl y women' s persona l document s canno t b e assumed t o provide totally reliable data regardin g famil y interaction s in th e past . Diar y an d journal entrie s ca n b e brie f an d incomplete , and autobiographica l recollection s hav e been filtere d throug h mem ory, often ove r many years. 3 Correspondence ma y reveal more about the natur e o f relationships , bu t her e too , cautio n i s essential , sinc e mothers an d daughter s i n th e pas t di d no t necessaril y writ e t o on e another abou t hostil e feelings . Undoubtedly , som e wome n viewe d certain concern s a s too private t o write abou t i n an y form . Further more, existin g collection s o f famil y document s ma y reflec t "editing " by famil y member s wh o chos e t o eliminat e particula r materia l tha t might hav e divulge d certai n unpleasan t aspect s o f famil y relation ships. Similarly , prescriptiv e literatur e an d literar y work s canno t b e viewed as direct reflections of women's actual experiences. Nevertheless, take n together , thes e source s revea l a grea t dea l about women' s experience s of , an d attitude s toward , th e mother daughter relationshi p a t th e tur n o f th e centur y an d beyond , an d also about th e contemporary socia l and cultura l expectation s regard ing th e interaction s o f mother s an d daughters . Th e combinatio n o f women's word s t o one another, an d thei r word s abou t on e another , helps t o illuminate thei r persona l value s and th e value s of th e wide r society as well. These materials testify t o the relationship's complexit y and it s enduring centralit y i n women' s lives . And the y provid e clea r evidence tha t th e year s betwee n 188 0 and 192 0 define a significan t period i n the relationship's history.

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PREFACE

Throughout th e researc h an d writin g o f thi s book , I hav e enjoye d the suppor t o f severa l institutions . A gran t fro m th e Radcliff e Re search Suppor t Progra m enable d m e t o spen d muc h o f th e fal l o f 1987 a t th e Schlesinge r Library . Grant s fro m th e Nationa l Endow ment fo r th e Humanitie s Trave l t o Collection s Progra m an d th e Chatham Colleg e Centra l Researc h Fun d allowed me to do additiona l research a t tha t librar y i n 198 8 an d 1989 . Additiona l suppor t fro m Chatham's Centra l Researc h Fun d helpe d m e t o spend severa l week s in Londo n a t th e Fawcet t Librar y i n th e summe r o f 1987 . Finally , a sabbatical durin g th e academi c yea r 1987-8 8 an d a leave during th e fall term , 1991 , release d m e fro m teachin g responsibilitie s a t crucia l periods in m y work . The assistanc e of a number of knowledgeabl e an d caring librarian s facilitated m y wor k greatly . I exten d m y appreciatio n t o th e entir e staff o f th e Schlesinge r Librar y a t Radcliff e College , an d specia l thanks to Anne Engelhar t an d Marie-Helen e Gold . I am also gratefu l to Debora h Pelletie r an d An n Hopkins , wh o introduce d m e t o th e resources o f Amhers t Colleg e Library' s Specia l Collections , t o Susa n Boone fo r he r kin d assistanc e wit h th e Sophi a Smit h Collectio n an d the Smit h Colleg e Archives , an d t o Davi d Dougha n fo r hi s graciou s help at the Fawcet t Librar y in London . I would als o like t o thank severa l colleague s an d friend s wh o hav e contributed t o m y wor k i n variou s ways . Anthon y Penn a awakene d my interes t i n socia l histor y a numbe r o f year s ago , fo r whic h I a m immensely grateful . Richar d Schoenwal d ha s consistently offered en couragement, friendship , an d wis e advice , whic h I appreciat e an d value. Lauri e Crumpacke r an d Elle n Rothma n supplie d relevan t ref erences a t a n earl y stag e i n m y research . Willia m Len z commente d on a portio n o f thi s wor k an d guide d m e t o severa l ver y helpfu l sources. Pete r Karste n an d Rober t Corbe r als o suggeste d usefu l ma terials. Rober t Cooley provide d invaluabl e assistance with the illustrations. Joan Mark s offere d judiciou s editoria l suggestion s an d aske d good questions . Bu t m y greates t deb t i s t o Pete r Stearns , fo r hi s interest i n thi s projec t fro m it s inception, hi s intellectua l support , hi s generous encouragement , hi s unfailingl y perceptiv e insights , and hi s sense of humor . I can neve r than k hi m adequately . My famil y als o provide d importan t assistance . A t a critica l mo ment, Le e an d Judy Weinber g convince d m e tha t a laptop compute r

PREFACE

xiii

was a necessity, and the y were right. Juliet an d Davi d Kalm s offere d gracious hospitality in London. Richard Rosenzwei g prodded m e and believed in me when I needed i t most. Although illness prevented my parents fro m sharin g thi s experience wit h me , they wer e a part o f i t in man y ways . Finally , m y daughter s inspire d an d encourage d m e throughout th e researc h an d th e writin g o f thi s book . Am y moni tored m y progress with steady interest, quiet support, and reassurin g confidence i n m y ability t o fulfil l m y objectives. Sh e continues t o set an exampl e fo r m e b y her conscientiousnes s an d persistenc e i n he r own work . Jan e rea d mos t o f th e manuscript , offere d perceptive , critical comments , an d issue d frequen t warning s abou t th e peril s o f procrastination. I t wa s a specia l an d uniquel y appropriat e pleasur e for m e to be able to enjoy he r competent assistance with the researc h for chapte r 8 , an d t o rel y o n he r a s a colleagu e i n thi s endeavor . They are the reason for thi s book.

T H E A N C H O R O F M Y LIF E

C H A P T E R1

" T H E CENTRA L PROBLE M O F FEMALE E X P E R I E N C E " : INTRODUCTION

F

OR man y lat e twentieth-centur y feminis t writers , th e mother daughter relationshi p ha s symbolize d no t a sourc e o f suppor t and comfort , bu t a moras s o f bitternes s an d resentment . A s Nikki Stille r ha s observed, durin g th e lat e 1960 s an d throughou t th e following decad e "i t wa s rathe r ba d for m fo r a woma n t o mentio n her mothe r favorabl y i n public . Alienatio n an d hostilit y wer e hel d t o be th e hallmark s o f adulthoo d amon g man y wh o considere d them selves psychologically , emotionally , an d sexuall y liberated." 1 Indeed , contemporary feminis t discussion s o f th e mother-daughte r relation ship hav e ofte n stresse d th e negativ e aspect s o f th e bon d betwee n mothers and thei r femal e offspring , emphasizin g it s stifling intensit y and th e concomitan t implication s fo r th e limitatio n o f individua l development, whil e a t th e sam e tim e affirmin g it s centralit y fo r th e lives o f al l women. 2 Muc h o f th e flavor o f th e recen t impressionisti c literature o n mother s an d daughter s i s capture d i n a statemen t b y the autho r o f a stud y tha t examine s th e significanc e o f mother daughter tie s i n th e lif e an d wor k o f Virgini a Woolf : " I consider th e mother-daughter relationshi p th e centra l proble m o f femal e experi ence. . . . fundamentally , i t i s a locus o f tensio n rathe r tha n th e pas toral have n suggeste d b y cultura l myth s o f motherhood." 3 Bu t th e contemporary discours e als o includes som e significan t theoretica l wor k that argue s fo r a rathe r differen t an d mor e positiv e representatio n of the impact of mother-daughte r interaction s o n th e lives of both . To a large extent, th e current commentar y emphasize s th e daugh ter's poin t o f view , attributin g th e difficul t problem s tha t plagu e th e 1

2 "TH

E CENTRA L PROBLE M O F FEMAL E EXPERIENCE "

relationship t o destructiv e materna l behavior . Thi s tendenc y t o blam e the mothe r fo r famil y problem s i s no t ne w i n th e las t thir d o f th e twentieth century . Rather , i t represent s th e continuatio n o f a tren d that emerge d wit h th e developmen t o f th e nineteenth-centur y em phasis o n th e importanc e o f mora l motherhood. 4 Thu s i t wa s fore shadowed i n nineteenth-centur y discussion s o f child-rearing , i n th e prescriptive literatur e tha t appeare d aroun d th e turn o f th e century , and i n late r discussions tha t hav e hel d mother s solel y responsibl e fo r the maintenanc e o f famil y harmon y an d fo r th e physica l and psycho logical well-bein g o f thei r offspring. 5 Bu t contemporary feminis t dis cussions diffe r fro m thei r precursor s i n thei r explici t articulatio n o f the significanc e o f th e conflic t betwee n individualit y an d connectio n in th e mother-daughte r relationship , an d i n thei r suggestio n tha t mother-daughter problem s deriv e fro m th e societa l devaluatio n o f women. Nancy Friday' s popula r book , My Mother, My Self, illustrates th e tendency t o blam e th e mothe r a t it s mos t extreme. 6 Frida y argue s that mother s imped e daughters ' developmen t a t every stage , inhibit ing their individuation an d denying their sexuality as their own mother s did t o them . Mother-daughte r interaction s ar e inherentl y negativ e because ther e i s a n inevitabl e conflic t betwee n a mother' s goal s fo r her daughte r an d th e daughter' s nee d t o attai n sexua l individuality . Thus Frida y suggest s tha t th e problem s o f adul t women , thei r fail ings, and thei r pervasiv e unhappines s ste m directly fro m th e mother daughter relationship . Other discussion s o f negativ e materna l influenc e stres s th e diffi culties of motherin g i n a male-dominated culture . Like Friday, Judith Arcana maintain s tha t daughter s lear n ho w t o be wome n fro m thei r mothers, bu t sh e explicitl y attribute s mother-daughte r conflic t t o th e expectations impose d upo n wome n b y a male-created an d male-dom inated culture : "Th e relationshi p i s structured , a t present , upo n as sumptions an d conclusion s tha t ar e fals e t o ourselve s an d fo r eac h other; tha t i s wh y s o man y mother/daughte r relationship s ar e filled with pain." 7 Th e fac t tha t mother s socializ e thei r daughter s "nega tively," then, reflect s th e shared oppressio n o f all women in a patriarchal societ y rathe r tha n thei r own evi l intent . Arcan a also argues tha t despite thei r effort s t o rebe l o r adop t anothe r rol e model , daughter s unconsciously patter n themselve s after thei r mothers. 8 This tendenc y

"THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 3

results i n th e phenomeno n Adrienn e Ric h ha s describe d a s matro phobia, the fear of becoming one's mother. Rich suggests that women develop thi s fea r becaus e th e mothe r stand s fo r th e victi m i n them selves, the unfree person , the martyr. Daughters experience anger at maternal powerlessnes s o r a t th e fac t tha t mother s relegat e the m t o second-class statu s i n favo r o f th e mal e family members. 9 They see k instead mother s who, refusing t o be victims themselves, acknowledg e the realitie s of life unde r patriarchy , attempt t o expand th e limits of their own lives, and explicitly provide support to the next generation . Thus wome n ma y choos e anothe r model , a nonbiologica l mother , whose imag e appear s mor e appropriate. 10 Fo r Rich , a s fo r Arcana , patriarchal society is the root of the problem. 11 Jane Fla x maintains that the mother-daughter proble m center s on the dichotom y betwee n th e nee d fo r nurturanc e an d th e nee d fo r autonomy. She too emphasizes the problems associated wit h mother ing i n th e contex t o f a patriarcha l society , a settin g tha t generate s conflict withi n th e materna l role . Flax suggests that a woman's experience of thi s personal conflict , i n turn, creates additional difficultie s in he r interaction s wit h he r daughter. 12 Sign e Hammer , als o con cerned abou t issues of separation an d individuation, indicts the societal contex t "i n whic h wome n wh o wer e no t encourage d t o gro w u p raise daughters who are not encouraged t o grow up either." 13 Other analyses that adopt a more theoretical approac h t o mother daughter issue s projec t a les s emotiona l tone . Nanc y Chodorow' s examination o f th e relationshi p betwee n motherin g an d wha t sh e refers t o a s th e socia l organization o f gende r employ s a stron g psy choanalytic framework tha t tempers the anger and hostilit y that per meate muc h o f th e discussion o f th e "my mother, m y self" problem . Chodorow utilize s object-relations theor y to describe and explai n th e fundamental characteristic s o f th e mother-daughte r relationship . Unlike classic Freudian psychodynami c theory , whic h attribute s per sonality formatio n exclusivel y t o th e influenc e o f instinctua l drives , object-relations theor y als o stresses th e child's social-relationa l expe riences fro m earlies t infancy . I n ou r society , thos e experience s typi cally involve interactions with the mother, who has primary responsi bility fo r chil d care . Becaus e the y shar e th e sam e gender , mother s tend t o identify wit h infant daughter s and experience them as extensions of themselves, while they experience sons as male opposites and

4 "TH

E CENTRAL P R O B L EM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE"

thus distinc t fro m themselves . Fo r boys , then , individuatio n occur s more easil y tha n fo r girls , wh o remai n mor e involve d wit h thei r mothers psychologically . A s a result , daughter s alternat e betwee n total rejectio n o f th e mothe r wh o represent s infantil e dependence , identification wit h her , an d identificatio n wit h othe r femal e models . Hence, Chodoro w assert s tha t mother-daughte r conflic t i s no t en demic t o the relationship , bu t it is a function o f a social structure tha t assigns primar y parentin g responsibilities , "mothering, " to women. This socia l structur e als o result s i n th e "reproductio n o f mother ing." Because the y hav e bee n parente d primaril y b y women , daugh ters develo p bot h th e capacitie s an d th e desir e t o b e mother s them selves. Th e sam e situatio n produce s th e curtailmen t o f nurturan t capacities and need s i n sons. As a result of thei r early social-relationa l experiences an d th e continuin g attachmen t t o thei r mothers , then , women defin e an d experienc e themselve s relationall y whil e me n ex perience themselve s a s separate an d distinc t fro m others. 14 A secon d generatio n o f analysi s linkin g mother-daughte r interac tions with women' s relationa l developmen t ha s emerge d sinc e Cho dorow first propose d th e connectio n wit h object-relation s theory . Extending th e focu s o n social-relationa l experienc e beyon d th e em phasis i t receive s i n mainstrea m object-relation s theor y (whic h stil l regards relationship s a s secondar y t o driv e satisfactio n an d frustra tion), current feminist psychologica l researc h has stressed th e centrality o f relationa l developmen t fo r women' s lives . Henc e th e wor k o f Jean Bake r Miller , Carol Gilligan , and other s underscore s th e signifi cance o f empath y an d connectedness , a s oppose d t o separatio n an d individuation, i n women' s psycholog y generally , an d specificall y fo r the bon d betwee n mother s an d daughters. 15 I n mor e recen t thera peutic an d empirica l discussion s o f th e relationship , then , a less stri dent qualit y ha s supplanted th e ton e o f ange r an d hostilit y tha t wer e characteristic of th e dialogue o f th e 1960 s and '70s. 16 It i s no t surprisin g t o find extensiv e commentar y o n th e mother daughter relationshi p i n th e contex t o f th e lat e twentieth-centur y feminist movemen t an d th e attendant interest in women's history an d culture. No r i s it surprisin g t o discove r a negativ e ton e i n tha t com mentary, give n th e change s i n women' s lives—th e liberalizatio n o f sexual more s an d th e movemen t o f wome n ou t of th e hom e an d int o the work force , fo r example—an d th e alteration s i n women's world -

"THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 5

views that have been produce d by these changes. Bu t it is important to ask whether th e contemporary discussion s reflec t th e experience s of most women, either now or in the past, to ask whether the motherdaughter relationship is inherently conflictual. It is only through focuse d historica l inquiry that these questions can be answered and th e sense of tensio n and antagonism tha t has been articulated s o frequently i n late twentieth-century discussion s o f th e relationship can be fully evaluated. In the context of existing theoretical conflicts about the intrinsic nature of the mother-daughter bond, a historical perspectiv e can provid e essential evidenc e fo r th e development of a fuller understanding of this basic component of women's family experiences . Historica l stud y ca n illuminat e th e natur e o f mother-daughter interaction s i n the past , and also contribute t o the further exploratio n an d development o f bot h existing and ne w theory i n thi s area . Wher e theorie s posi t universa l pattern s o f huma n development tha t necessarily imply specific outcomes in terms of the mother-daughter relationship, as object-relations theory does, historical work can be particularly useful. The editor of a recent collection that spans nearly 25 0 years of mother-daughte r correspondence ha s observed tha t most theories regarding the relationship "tend to conceal how often mothers and daughters inspire each other to take risks and strive for fulfillment." 17 Thi s statement underscores the hazards of assuming congruence between the contemporary, essentiall y ahistorical mother-daughter literature, and the historical evolution of the relationship. The tas k o f assessin g tha t congruence i s complicated b y th e fac t that lik e mos t o f women' s pas t experiences , mother-daughte r rela tions hav e basicall y bee n ignore d o r trivialize d historically . I n th e context of a cultural tradition that has regarded females as important only i n term s of thei r role s a s wives and mother s o f men , relation ships between wome n hav e not been valued. Henc e th e interaction s of mothers and daughters have been effectively relegate d t o an "underground" position. It is only since the rise of the most recent wave of feminis m tha t th e mother-daughte r relationshi p ha s bee n con sidered a crucial facto r i n a woman's pat h t o liberation. 18 An d eve n in this context, only a minimal amount of historical discussion of the relationship has occurred.

6 "TH

E CENTRA L PROBLE M O F FEMAL E EXPERIENCE "

Despite th e proliferatio n o f researc h o n othe r area s o f famil y history, n o majo r wor k ha s concentrate d o n th e topi c o f mother daughter relationships . T o th e limite d exten t tha t historian s hav e considered mother-daughte r interaction s i n the past , they have stressed the implication s o f generationa l difference s i n opportunit y an d be havior fo r mother-daughte r relationships . Fo r example, Carrol l Smith Rosenberg ha s pointe d ou t tha t a continuit y o f expectatio n an d ex perience linke d America n femal e generation s an d fostere d mother daughter intimac y unti l th e late nineteenth century . She suggests tha t the change s i n women' s live s whic h accompanie d urbanizatio n an d industrialization disrupte d tha t continuit y an d introduce d conflict , estrangement, an d alienatio n int o a previousl y harmoniou s relation ship. Pete r G . Filen e ha s als o note d th e effec t o f thes e changes , underlining th e novelt y o f th e choices availabl e to young women an d their mothers ' anxiety about , i f no t disapprova l of , thei r increasingl y "unladylike" patterns o f behavior. 19 The observation s o f thes e historian s highligh t a series of dramati c changes tha t peake d aroun d th e tur n o f th e century and significantl y altered th e expectations an d aspiration s of America n girl s and youn g women. While the earlier nineteenth-century worl d had offered wome n few viabl e alternative s t o marriag e an d a traditional rol e i n th e fam ily, th e worl d o f th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentiet h centurie s brought ne w opportunitie s tha t disturbe d th e equilibriu m o f nine teenth-century domesticit y an d famil y life . Th e middle-clas s Victo rian cultura l imag e o f th e "ange l i n th e house " remaine d th e ideal , but th e distanc e betwee n tha t imag e an d th e realit y o f women' s live s was growing rapidly. 20 Broader horizons beckone d th e "new woman." New kinds of work , for exampl e clerica l an d department-stor e sale s positions , offere d more independence . Extende d educationa l experiences—includin g secondary school , an d colleg e fo r a growin g numbe r o f middle-clas s girls a s well—enlarge d th e boundarie s o f women' s lives , a s di d th e plethora o f club s an d women' s association s t o whic h the y wer e ex posed. Innovation s i n fashio n an d socia l behavior—shorte r skirts , different ha t styles , an d publi c cigarett e smoking—adde d t o th e mix. 21 A t th e sam e time , socializatio n towar d distinctiv e emotiona l styles, especially th e control of anger, differentiated girls ' experiences from thos e o f thei r brothers ; thi s contrasted wit h earlier socializatio n

"THE CENTRA L PROBLE M O F FEMAL E EXPERIENCE " 7

regarding anger , whic h ha d no t emphasize d gender-base d distinc tions of thi s type. 22 These changes in women's lives reflected th e more general cultura l and socia l trend s o f th e period . Th e year s betwee n 188 0 an d 192 0 witnessed th e acceleratio n o f urbanizatio n an d industrialization , ma jor technologica l advances , th e ris e o f large r an d mor e forma l orga nizations, an d women' s struggl e t o achiev e autonom y an d self-con sciousness. N o historica l perio d ca n b e characterize d b y on e se t o f core values , bu t th e divisio n betwee n traditio n an d innovatio n i n American culture was particularly pronounce d durin g th e early years of matur e industria l society , a s efforts t o accommodat e t o th e scope , scale, an d spee d o f chang e contraste d wit h a n impuls e t o maintai n earlier patterns . Th e extensiv e discussio n o f th e "woma n question, " and th e ambivalenc e o n th e par t o f socia l commentator s wh o bot h criticized an d admired th e "new woman," reflected thi s division. 23 The concep t o f th e "ne w woman " di d no t defin e on e objectiv e reality, bu t symbolize d differen t thing s t o differen t people . Descrip tions o f thi s exotic imag e differed : Th e "ne w woman " lived he r ow n life an d mad e he r ow n decisions . Sh e rejecte d th e convention s o f femininity an d interacte d wit h me n o n equa l terms . Sh e wa s wel l educated an d ofte n financially independent . He r hallmar k wa s per sonal freedom . Sh e wa s als o vulgar , unfeminine , an d unladylike — and a real problem fo r he r mother. 24 While th e er a o f th e "ne w woman " witnessed bot h th e expansio n and th e refor m o f femal e secondar y education , thi s developmen t continued a n earlie r nineteenth-centur y America n trend. 25 Th e ex tension o f th e opportunit y fo r highe r educatio n t o wome n repre sented a mor e strikin g change . I n Americ a i n 1890 , approximatel y one o f ever y fifty wome n age d eightee n t o twenty-on e attende d col lege, an d fewe r tha n thre e thousan d receive d degrees , a s compare d to thirteen thousan d mal e recipients. Between 189 0 and 1910 , femal e college enrollmen t nearl y tripled , an d i n th e nex t decade , i t mor e than doubled . A t th e tur n o f th e century , approximatel y 4 0 percen t of al l undergraduate student s were women. 26 For youn g women , th e decisio n t o leav e hom e an d atten d colleg e represented a rea l departur e fro m nineteenth-centur y domesticit y and a clea r brea k wit h th e traditiona l femal e role s o f thei r mother s and grandmothers . Superficia l differences—frivolou s fashions , pub -

8 "TH

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lie smoking , obviou s flirting—also separate d th e generations , bu t higher educatio n ha d mor e fundamenta l consequences . A s a resul t of thei r remova l fro m thei r parents ' influence , man y daughter s de veloped a new an d ver y unconventiona l mindset : a s Pete r Filen e ha s observed, i n colleg e "man y girl s decisivel y gre w int o 'ne w women ' a s opposed t o ladies / " 27 Fo r thos e wh o attende d women' s college s i n particular, thi s conversion encompasse d a very new behavior—a def inite tendenc y no t t o marry . Graduate s o f coeducationa l institution s married a t a highe r rate , bu t marriag e wa s a n exceptio n fo r th e alumnae o f women' s colleges . Fo r example, onl y abou t 2 5 percen t o f Vassar, Smith , an d Wellesle y graduate s betwee n th e age s o f twenty six an d thirty-seve n wer e marrie d i n 1903 . Whil e othe r factor s wer e also involved , man y colleg e wome n remaine d singl e b y choice , pre ferring th e freedo m o f a n autonomou s professiona l lif e t o th e re straints of a more conventiona l famil y life. 28 The femal e independenc e fostere d b y new educational an d caree r opportunities disturbe d contemporar y observer s o f th e socia l scene . Social critics wh o anxiously proclaime d th e breakdown o f th e Ameri can famil y attribute d th e problem s the y perceive d t o th e negligenc e of wome n wh o wen t t o work , bough t prepare d food , an d especiall y to th e influenc e o f highe r education. 29 Mor e tha n on e write r com mented eloquentl y regardin g th e effect s o f colleg e an d wor k experi ences o n th e worldview s o f youn g women . T o Doroth y Dix , th e "modern girl " was a "phenomeno n an d a problem, " "a living, palpi tating, feminin e Fourt h o f July." Dix cited majo r differences betwee n the idea s o f youn g wome n an d thos e o f thei r mothers : daughter s discussed thing s thei r mother s woul d neve r hav e mentioned , wante d to g o ou t an d wor k eve n i f thei r parent s ha d plent y o f money , an d worst o f all , preferre d no t t o rus h int o marriage . Thus , sh e con cluded, "th e mos t vita l socia l questio n o f toda y i s no t wha t w e ar e going t o d o wit h her , bu t wha t sh e i s goin g t o d o t o us . Fo r thi s gir l of toda y i s goin g t o b e th e mothe r o f tomorrow . Th e futur e o f ou r race lie s i n he r hands." 30 Anothe r commentato r observe d tha t col leges produce d "gir l graduate s wh o d o no t loo k upo n lif e a t all fro m the standpoin t o f thei r mothers, " whos e worl d ha d bee n on e o f "farms an d home s diversifie d b y shop s an d factories. " I n contrast , "The college-bre d daughter s o f ou r da y loo k ou t o n a world tha t t o them seem s largel y departmen t store s an d offic e buildings . The y ar e

"THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 9

less ap t tha n girl s use d t o b e t o loo k aroun d fo r a man . The y ar e much mor e ap t tha n girl s wer e t o loo k fo r a wage-payin g employ ment." Ye t thi s observe r remaine d optimisti c abou t th e possibilitie s for intergenerationa l rapprochement , fo r "afte r al l th e ne w girl s ar e women lik e thei r mother s an d hav e no t broke n wit h humanity , bu t merely wit h a few o f it s trammels." 31 The visua l art s of th e perio d als o reflected societa l anxiet y regard ing th e "ne w woman. " I n th e lat e nineteenth-centur y iconography , images o f aloof , elegan t ladie s contraste d wit h th e realit y o f th e changing experience s o f a growin g numbe r o f women , particularl y those i n th e middl e an d uppe r classes . Thu s painting s o f beautiful , idealized wome n b y artist s such a s Abbott Thaye r an d Thoma s Dew ing sugges t tha t they , lik e othe r socia l critics , wer e disquiete d b y th e new femal e demeano r an d behavio r an d sough t t o preserv e mor e traditional image s and value s regarding womanhood. 32 The cultura l anxiet y concernin g th e "ne w woman " highlight s th e fact tha t durin g th e perio d fro m 188 0 t o 1920 , th e worl d o f daugh ters, particularl y i n middle-clas s families , differe d fro m th e worl d that thei r mother s an d grandmother s ha d experience d earlie r i n th e nineteenth century . No t al l middle-clas s youn g wome n adopte d th e new an d controversia l postur e of worldliness an d self-sufficiency , bu t few coul d avoi d som e exposur e t o "modern " ideas. 33 Henc e th e sug gestion tha t mother-daughte r relationship s deteriorate d i n thi s con text seem s plausible . Sign e Hamme r ha s observe d tha t " a mothe r does no t merel y pas s on th e message s o f he r culture ; sh e als o passe s on he r response s t o th e message s sh e receive d fro m he r mother . Thus, ever y transactio n betwee n mothe r an d daughte r i s in a sense a transaction amon g thre e generations." 34 I t is not difficul t t o imagin e that thes e cross-generationa l transaction s an d th e cultura l message s they conveyed migh t have been rendere d especiall y problemati c dur ing th e perio d betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Researc h b y James R . Mc Govern suggest s tha t th e first tw o decade s o f th e twentiet h centur y witnessed th e genesi s o f th e femal e emancipatio n i n moral s an d manners tha t socia l an d cultura l historian s hav e typicall y attribute d to the influence o f Worl d Wa r I and its aftermath durin g the 1920s. 35 It i s possible , then , tha t th e potentia l fo r mother-daughte r tensio n was particularl y hig h durin g th e tw o decade s afte r th e tur n o f th e century. Agains t thi s background , th e er a o f th e "ne w woman " cer -

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E CENTRA L PROBLE M O E EEMAL E EXPERIENCE "

tainly offer s a suitabl e launchin g poin t fo r a n investigatio n o f th e historical root s o f th e contemporar y mother-daughte r relationshi p and fo r a n analysis of th e ahistorica l generalization s tha t typify man y current discussion s of thi s topic . Such a n investigatio n appropriatel y begin s wit h a brie f overvie w o f earlier mother-daughte r interactions . Durin g th e colonia l period , mother-daughter relationship s wer e characterize d b y wha t Mar y Bet h Norton ha s describe d a s "egalitaria n friendship. " Daughter s assiste d their mother s wit h domesti c tasks , whil e mother s instructe d the m i n household skills , gave advice , an d receive d companionshi p i n return . Both value d th e relationship , ofte n describin g on e anothe r a s friend s and companions . Occasionall y wome n eve n expresse d clea r prefer ences fo r femal e offspring . An d mother s an d adul t daughter s expe rienced grea t anguis h an d a profoun d sens e o f los s a t one another' s deaths. 36 Close mother-daughte r relationship s continue d i n post-Revolu tionary America. 37 Evidenc e o f materna l aspiration s fo r th e educa tion o f daughter s i n th e ne w republi c attest s t o women' s hope s tha t their offsprin g woul d hav e bette r opportunitie s fo r schoolin g tha n they themselve s ha d bee n offered , an d tha t th e latte r woul d tak e advantage o f thos e opportunities. 38 Continuin g mother-daughte r en gagement enhance d th e live s o f wome n o f bot h generation s a s the y aged. Mother s provide d importan t mora l and practical guidance, and daughters acknowledge d thei r specia l obligation s fo r th e car e o f ag ing parents . Whe n youn g wome n marrie d an d share d mor e o f thei r mothers' experiences , th e relationshi p gre w closer . Despit e thei r ad vancing years , mother s continue d t o assume care-takin g responsibili ties fo r thei r daughters , nursin g the m throug h childbirt h an d ill nesses an d carin g fo r grandchildre n a s well . Lik e thei r colonia l predecessors, republica n mother s an d daughter s experience d dee p and lastin g grie f ove r on e another' s deaths. 39 Thes e tie s endured , and a s the y gre w older , wome n ofte n reflecte d thoughtfull y an d sympathetically o n th e event s of thei r mothers ' lives. 40 Powerful mother-daughte r bond s i n th e lat e eighteenth an d earl y nineteenth centurie s ar e als o reveale d b y th e tendenc y o f wome n who hel d propert y i n thei r ow n righ t t o leav e thei r estate s o r signifi cant portion s thereo f t o thei r daughters . Althoug h me n occasionall y

" T H E CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" n

favored sons , the y tende d t o divid e thei r estate s amon g thei r survi vors, whil e wome n wh o ha d propert y t o leav e clearl y favore d thei r daughters, sometimes quite explicitly, as, for example: " 'I love all my children alik e bu t m y daughter s I fee l mos t attache d t o an d thin k they ough t t o hav e wha t I ow n a t m y death , an d therefor e thi s disposition.' " 4I Despite th e evidenc e o f stron g mother-daughte r tie s earlier i n th e American past , interestingl y i t i s mid-nineteenth-centur y intimac y that ha s mos t ofte n bee n contraste d t o mor e moder n pattern s o f mother-daughter interaction . Thu s som e contemporar y commentar y that ha s incorporate d th e prevalen t assumptio n tha t guil t an d antag onism defin e th e moder n mother-daughte r relationshi p als o argue s for th e existenc e o f a historica l alternative , a s reveale d i n th e nine teenth-century "femal e worl d o f lov e an d ritual." 42 Th e suggestio n of a majo r modificatio n i n th e natur e o f th e relationshi p sinc e th e middle o f th e las t century raise s important question s abou t th e chro nology o f change , an d als o bear s o n th e relevanc e o f theoretica l discussions tha t posit more universa l claims. It is not surprising to find strong links between middle-clas s moth ers an d thei r daughter s i n th e contex t o f th e ris e o f nineteenth century domesticit y an d th e evolutio n o f women' s sphere . Th e first two-thirds o f th e centur y witnesse d th e valorizatio n o f th e hom e a s the woman' s realm , an d th e concomitan t developmen t o f th e twi n perceptions o f women' s expertis e i n homemakin g an d child-rearing . The idea l of nurturin g motherhood an d the concept of materna l lov e dominated th e cultural discourse on th e home during the antebellu m period. Thu s literatur e urgin g th e importanc e o f th e bon d betwee n the "imperial " mothe r an d he r offsprin g conveye d a conceptio n o f motherhood a s th e mai n standar d o f femininit y an d a s women' s raison d'etre. 43 Because th e nineteenth-century domesti c idea l designate d th e hom e as women's realm , separat e an d apar t fro m th e worl d o f men , moth ers controlle d thei r ow n live s and th e live s of thei r childre n i n a way they ha d no t done durin g earlier periods . This power , describe d a s a kind o f "domesti c feminism, " ha s bee n documente d wit h referenc e to women' s exercis e o f contro l ove r se x an d reproductio n withi n marriage. 44 Whethe r th e rise of domestic feminis m symbolize d prog ress for wome n o r simpl y reinforced thei r exclusion fro m rea l powe r

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by amplifying notion s o f femal e exceptionalism , i t created a context that coul d foste r clos e mother-daughte r relationships. 45 Althoug h they wen t t o school , middle-clas s girl s wer e socialize d withi n th e confines o f th e femal e worl d o f women' s spher e t o fulfil l thei r or dained role s as wives and mother s and t o practice the virtues encompassed b y those roles . Against th e dominan t ideologica l backgroun d of nineteenth-centur y domesticit y an d wit h fe w other viable options, young wome n remaine d closel y linke d t o their model s and partner s in this process, their mothers . Other source s o f informatio n abou t nineteenth-centur y mother daughter relationship s corroborate th e evidence presented b y SmithRosenberg in her portraya l of a tightly knit female world with stron g mother-daughter tie s a s th e centerpiece . Letter s an d diarie s clearl y reveal tha t mother s an d daughter s maintaine d clos e an d frequen t contact whe n the y wer e separated . The y share d famil y news , ex pressed thei r concerns over one another's health, and discussed thei r daily activities, which sometimes included vocational as well as domestic matters. Daughters wh o travele d share d th e detail s o f thei r journeys wit h their mothers . When Aureli a Smit h visited relatives, she immediately conveyed th e famil y new s to her mothe r an d urge d he r t o answer as soon possible: "As I promised t o write you soon after m y arrival I will proceed t o fullfil l m y agreement . . . . Write soo n afte r yo u ge t this , Mother i f you r abl e writ e m e al l abou t you r health." * Afte r thre e weeks, Aurelia' s anxiet y wa s palpable : "Jus t imagin e yoursel f tw o hundred mile s fro m hom e an d you r mothe r sic k woul d yo u no t b e anxious to hear often? Mothe r please write a few lines if your able." 46 Maria Aver y and Fanni e Russel l also wrote lengthy accounts to their mothers when they visited friend s an d family. 47 Young women wh o attended boardin g schoo l described thei r sur roundings and discussed thei r feeling s about being away from home . One unhapp y daughte r wh o wanted t o leav e schoo l decide d tha t people would thin k sh e had bee n dismisse d i f she left befor e th e end of th e term . Resigne d t o he r fate , sh e sough t he r mother' s advic e about he r courses. Although sh e wanted he r father' s opinio n as well, •Quoted materia l ha s bee n reproduce d i n th e tex t wit h th e origina l spellin g an d punctuation. Becaus e th e repeate d us e o f sic to denote grammatica l o r spelling error s can be distracting and intrusiv e fo r th e reader , thi s device ha s been omitted .

"THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 1

3

she obviously fel t mor e comfortable correspondin g wit h her mother . "I woul d lik e t o write t o fathe r i f I coul d thin k o f a thin g t o sa y t o him," she commented. Some weeks later, she confided t o her mothe r that th e situatio n a t schoo l ha d improved . Despit e a variet y o f in conveniences, includin g be d bugs , sh e wrote , " I a m gla d tha t I di d not g o home . I t just begin s t o see m a little like home here."48 Th e adjustment t o school prove d t o be less traumatic fo r anothe r youn g woman, althoug h sh e woul d hav e like d t o hav e " a desen t lookin g glass" and "anothe r pai r o f clot h shoes. " She to o looke d forwar d t o "a good lon g letter from home." 49 Daughters wh o lef t hom e t o tak e jobs describe d thei r wor k an d their experience s t o thei r mothers . Typically , thes e youn g wome n were teacher s wh o woul d retur n hom e a t th e en d o f th e schoo l term.50 Les s frequently, a daughter's letter s migh t relat e he r adven tures i n anothe r occupation. 51 Correspondenc e wit h thei r mother s was vitall y importan t t o thes e daughter s a s i t wa s t o thei r younge r counterparts a t boarding school . August a Sewal l enjoye d he r moth er's letters so much that she would have liked t o receive them "two or three time s a week" since "everything seem s s o fresh an d ne w fro m home." 52 Letters als o provide d a n importan t lin k whe n mother s traveled . During he r mother' s extende d tri p t o Europe , Emil y Perkin s Hal e felt he r absence keenly and looked forwar d t o her return. He r letter s contained detaile d report s o n he r ow n activitie s and especiall y new s of he r daughte r Ellen . I n additio n t o he r obviou s deligh t i n Ellen' s development—"I wis h you could hea r he r sa y her littl e Mother Goos e things"—Emily reiterate d he r eagernes s t o se e he r mothe r an d re vealed th e latter's importance to her: " I hardly dare to think ye t how happy I shal l b e t o hav e yo u reall y bac k again , bu t reall y I kno w I shall enjo y i t mor e tha n I eve r coul d hav e don e before . I t reall y seems to me sometimes, as if it was like losing my mother, and havin g her com e t o life again ; fo r ther e i s such a full sens e of th e deligh t i t will be when I once get you again." 53 Daughters ofte n articulate d thei r mothers ' importanc e t o the m through expression s of concern over maternal health . Hannah Chan dler ardentl y urge d he r mothe r t o "be careful o f your health—you r Life i s precious t o us Children—long ma y it be granted t o m e especially—or I shoul d b e miserabl e withou t you—." 54 Sara h Watso n

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Dana, a t schoo l i n Philadelphia , begge d he r mothe r no t t o writ e t o her "unless you are well enough," noting affectionately, " I can believe, and do, that you love me, as never did Mother before you." 55 Middleaged daughter s als o foun d th e ide a o f materna l illnes s distressing . Augusta Sewal l expresse d he r anxiet y ove r he r mother' s physica l problems a s wel l a s he r determinatio n t o fulfil l he r ow n obligation s to car e fo r her . " I wa s s o sorr y t o hea r suc h a n unfortunat e accoun t of you r sickness . Yo u don' t kno w ho w badl y i t mad e m e feel, " sh e wrote o n on e occasion . Severa l month s later , sh e clearl y articulate d her commitmen t t o th e nineteenth-centur y concep t o f a daughter' s filial obligations, assurin g he r mothe r tha t she wa s prepare d t o com e home an d hel p her . Althoug h he r husban d migh t b e disappointed i f she ha d t o "go home t o stay," he woul d understand : "Ther e is a right and a wron g abou t al l thes e things . I hop e I shal l no t neglec t doin g for yo u s o I shal l hav e i t t o regre t i n afte r years , an d yo u mus t no t conceal you r want s fro m m e t o tha t exten t t o produc e suc h results . Now i f you want m e sa y so, and w e will consult and mak e plans." 56 Mothers reciprocate d daughters ' feelings o f attachmen t an d affec tion, sometime s expressin g thei r ow n feeling s quit e eloquently . Abb y Sewall, wh o ha d bee n a teache r herself , wa s gla d t o hea r tha t he r daughter foun d he r teachin g positio n satisfactory , bu t sh e looke d forward t o th e en d o f th e term . " I ge t alon g ver y wel l wit h th e [domestic] work, " sh e wrote , "ye t I wan t m y littl e gir l a t hom e a s much a s possible , n o on e ca n fill he r plac e i n th e hous e o r i n m y heart."57 Mrs . Sewal l foun d tha t Augusta' s journeys bac k an d fort h during th e schoo l yea r reminde d he r o f he r ow n yout h an d he r attachment t o he r ow n mother . He r poignan t recollection s attes t t o an endurin g recognitio n o f th e valu e o f th e mother-daughte r relationship and exemplif y Sign e Hammer' s conceptio n o f a "transaction across three generations" : When sh e give s me the partin g kiss , I often thin k o f m y own dear mother , and what my feelings were on parting with her, and how anxious I was to go home and see her. then I think did my mother have such feelings as I have, but she always had one or more daughters left when I was gone, then again I think how soon any girl may like me, be an orphan have no home to come to, and no mother to see.58 Some mother s recognize d a daughter's wort h i n a more mundan e or les s effusiv e manner . Whe n Ann a Westo n wa s awa y fro m home ,

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5

her mother felt her absence at a very practical level: "You may readily suppose w e misse d yo u a s w e neede d you r assistance . . .. I hop e my dear child i f you live to come home you will be prepared t o assist me i n ever y departmen t i n hous e keeping— I nee d assistanc e an d you are th e onl y on e I hav e t o loo k t o fo r i t an d I d o hop e I shal l not b e disappointed." 59 Similarly , a laconi c ton e characterize s th e re cord o f th e relationshi p betwee n Meliss a Carte r an d he r mother , whose diarie s documen t thei r frequen t contac t bu t mak e n o refer ence to the nature of their feelings fo r one another. Melissa' s mothe r regularly chronicled he r interactions with her marrie d daughte r wh o lived som e distanc e away—"Meliss a Bab y Bor n Wrot e a lette r t o Melissa"; "foun d Meliss a comfortable" ; "Meliss a wen t home"—bu t she expressed n o explicit emotio n i n thes e brie f diar y entries. 60 He r daughter als o carefull y recorde d thei r regula r correspondenc e a s well a s th e occasiona l exchang e o f gift s an d thei r visit s wit h eac h other.61 Sh e note d he r mother' s arriva l tw o day s afte r th e birt h o f her daughte r Ad a ("Mothe r cam e this morning") an d he r departur e eleven day s late r ("Mothe r wen t Hom e i n th e Stage") , bu t sh e of fered n o comment on these events. 62 The apparent reticence of these two wome n probabl y reflect s thei r conceptio n o f a diar y a s a brie f daily recor d o f activitie s a s oppose d t o a n introspectiv e narrative , and thu s doe s no t indicat e an y lac k o f mother-daughte r affection . Despite the absence of concrete expressions of affection, th e central ity o f th e relationshi p t o thei r dail y live s i s clearl y eviden t i n th e constancy o f thei r contact s an d th e frequenc y o f thei r reference s t o one another. 63 These examples , an d other s a s well, certainly underscor e th e im portance of the bonds between nineteenth-century America n middle class mother s an d daughters. 64 Thos e bond s coul d eve n exten d fa r enough t o encompas s materna l suppor t fo r a daughter' s professe d desire fo r a career an d he r defiance o f he r father' s wishes. 65 But th e case for untroubled , harmonious relationships prior to the era of th e "new woman" has been overstated: while Smith-Rosenberg foun d n o evidence of discord i n her stud y of the female worl d i n the first two thirds of the nineteenth century, other sources reveal the presence of both minor and mor e fundamental mother-daughte r tension s during this period .

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Various evidenc e indicate s tha t mother s an d daughter s di d no t nec essarily functio n a s one another' s closes t confidantes . Afte r sh e com pleted he r studies at an academy i n Hartford , Connecticut , Rebecca h Root misse d th e friend s sh e ha d mad e ther e an d longe d t o tal k t o someone i n who m sh e coul d confid e freely . A t home, sh e lacked tha t opportunity: "Her e i s Mam a bu t I canno t sa y an y thin g t o he r al though th e bes t o f Mother s . . . I ofte n thin k i f I coul d se e yo u o r Harriet a fe w moment s I shoul d fee l muc h mor e contented, " sh e wrote t o a friend. 66 I n th e sam e vein , Nanc y Therio t suggest s tha t the adul t writing s o f Grac e Dodg e an d Stell a Gilma n o n th e subjec t of mother-daughte r relationship s reflec t thei r ow n persona l experi ences of a " 'lac k of confidence* " between mother s and daughters. 67 Ellen Rothman' s stud y of courtship pattern s in nineteenth-centur y America corroborates th e suggestion tha t daughters did not necessarily share thei r most importan t secret s with their mothers . Despit e th e years young wome n spen t i n domestic apprenticeship , Rothma n foun d little evidenc e t o sugges t tha t th e bond s o f domesticit y encompasse d maternal role s a s daughters ' confidante s o r adviser s i n matter s o f courtship durin g th e antebellu m period . He r discussio n o f th e clos e relationships enjoye d b y nineteenth-centur y courtin g couple s argue s that it was only during a brief period in the last quarter of the century that mother s becam e full y an d directl y involve d i n thi s ver y impor tant segment o f thei r daughters' emotional lives. 68 Even wher e daughter s di d confid e i n thei r mothers , conflic t coul d arise. The mothe r o f Kat e Hodge s wa s delighted whe n he r daughte r sought he r parents ' permission t o correspond with youn g me n whil e she wa s awa y a t school , an d sh e urge d he r t o "continu e t o mak e u s your confidants." 69 Bu t sh e wa s disturbe d b y othe r aspect s o f Kate' s behavior. "D o tr y & no t writ e s o muc h abou t wants. Yo u ar e nicel y fixed ou t & really need nothin g sav e wha t I expected t o get fo r you, " she wrot e sternly . Othe r letter s reiterate d Mrs . Hodges' s instruction s to he r daughte r t o reduc e th e numbe r an d leve l o f he r requests , indicating tha t Kate' s demand s wer e a sourc e o f frictio n an d con flict.70 Apparentl y eve n he r desir e fo r mor e mai l fro m hom e create d problems, a s evidence d b y he r mother' s ton e o n thi s subject : " I fee l rather hur t tha t yo u shoul d thin k I fai l i n m y dut y towar d yo u because I do no t write twic e a week. I think I deserve som e credit fo r writing once a week punctually . I shall no t be able to do more." 71

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Unmarried adul t daughters wh o asserted an y significant degre e o f personal independenc e migh t als o experienc e conflic t wit h thei r mothers. Sinc e nineteenth-centur y famil y cultur e hel d tha t singl e women wer e oblige d t o serve th e need s o f parent s an d famil y mem bers, thos e wh o wishe d t o pursu e othe r vocationa l interest s coul d face stron g opposition. 72 Corneli a Hancoc k refuse d he r mother' s request t o leave her nursin g job and come home : " I think yo u shoul d all hav e sufficien t contro l ove r you r temper s no t t o b e ma d wit h m e for doin g wha t seem s t o me t o be best," she wrote. 73 Emil y Howlan d found th e lif e o f a domesti c daughte r unfulfillin g ari d defended he r desire t o tak e a teaching positio n i n a school fo r youn g blac k wome n in Washington , D.C. : "I f I a m differen t fro m th e stereotype d kin d [of daughter] I can't help it," she told her mother . " I know th y healt h is very poo r bu t I can do nothin g fo r it , and a s long a s no one woul d think o f it s deterring m e fro m marryin g and leavin g hom e foreve r i f I choose , . . . i t certainl y ca n n o mor e b e urge d agains t m y takin g a few year s o r month s perhaps , fo r a benevolent enterprise." 74 Fideli a Fiske als o face d he r mother' s adaman t oppositio n whe n sh e fel t th e call t o pursu e missionar y wor k i n Persia . Mrs . Fisk e resiste d he r daughter's determine d appeal s o n th e ground s tha t Fidelia' s mos t important Christia n dut y was to fulfill he r obligations t o her family. 75 While acrimoniou s conflic t ove r th e competin g claim s o f famil y obligations an d persona l ambition s di d no t necessaril y characteriz e the relationship s o f th e majorit y o f singl e daughter s an d thei r moth ers, a trac t publishe d i n 186 5 suggest s tha t suc h conflic t wa s no t unusual b y th e mid-nineteent h century . Arguin g tha t adul t daugh ters shoul d b e allowe d t o lea d thei r ow n live s eve n i f thei r service s were neede d a t home, Mar y A. Dodge wrote : No huma n bein g ha s a right to appropriat e anothe r huma n being' s life — even if they be mother and daughter. You say that she owes life itself to her parents. True, bu t in such a way that it confers a n additional obligatio n o n them to give her every opportunity to make the most of life, and not in such a way as to justify the m in monopolizin g it , nor in such a way as to rende r her accountable to them alone for its use.76 The articulatio n o f thes e sentiment s highlight s th e relevanc e o f thi s issue a s on e potentia l sourc e o f majo r mother-daughte r tensio n i n the decade s befor e 1880 . An interestin g additiona l issu e pertainin g t o th e expectation s place d

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on singl e daughter s arise s fro m th e fac t tha t ironically , whil e Victo rian cultur e exalte d th e cul t o f domesticity , i t also implie d tha t mar riage wa s unpalatable . On e coul d no t b e a wif e an d als o fulfil l an y sort o f vocationa l aspirations . T o wome n raise d t o vie w se x a s a necessary evi l an d t o believ e tha t the y woul d hav e mor e i n commo n with other wome n tha n wit h men , th e possibilit y of remainin g single , or o f deferrin g marriage , migh t appea r attractiv e despit e th e atten dant economi c an d socia l difficulties. 77 T o thei r mothers , however , the decision no t to marry might seem threatening , a negation of thei r own live s an d efforts . Henc e th e effort s o f unmarrie d daughter s t o pursue thei r own interest s could mee t with adamant opposition . Other substantia l difficultie s disrupte d mother-daughte r harmon y as well . Alic e James, highl y intelligen t an d chronicall y ill , fel t "emo tionally undernourished " b y he r practical, Victoria n mother , an d apparently experience d significan t relie f whe n th e latte r died. 78 Al though Marill a Turril l live d acros s th e stree t fro m he r mother , the y did no t spea k t o on e another . " 'I hav e n o friend s here , no t eve n Mother,' " she wrot e t o her brother. I n the same letter, she describe d her mothe r a s "deranged, " commenting sarcastically , "N o doubt sh e [her mother ] woul d sen d he r lov e i f w e wer e o n speakin g terms. " Nevertheless, Marill a trie d t o kee p i n touc h wit h he r mothe r an d even provide d he r wit h financial assistanc e afte r sh e wa s deserted b y her husband. 79 Elect a Loomi s als o experience d significan t commu nication problem s wit h he r daughter , Ann , wh o apparentl y seldo m wrote o r visite d her . Mor e tha n a hint o f sarcas m appear s i n a lette r to Ann : "W e shoul d b e gla d t o se e yo u Mar y & Elizabet h I neve r expect t o se e agai n the y hav e no t th e mean s bu t yo u wh o hav e you r thousand I shoul d thin k woul d com e onc e mor e & see ho w lonel y and desolate ever y thin g look s about hom e wil l you no t be so good a s to answe r thi s letter." 80 Whil e olde r mother s rarel y accuse d daugh ters o f actua l abuse , many , lik e Mrs . Loomis , reproache d the m fo r their failure t o write and visi t often enough. 81 The cas e o f Emil y Dickinso n offer s a n intriguin g exampl e o f a particularly trouble d an d extremel y comple x nineteenth-centur y mother-daughter relationship . Dickinso n explicitl y rejecte d he r pas sive mothe r i n bot h he r letter s an d poems , writin g o n on e occasion , "I neve r ha d a mother." 82 Bu t he r feeling s wer e ambivalent . Al though sh e regarde d he r invali d mothe r a s a completely inadequat e

"THE CENTRA L PROBLE M O F FEMAL E EXPERIENCE " 1

9

role model, an d portraye d he r as inconsequential an d even ludicrous , she mourne d he r death. 83 Thi s consciou s an d deliberat e rejectio n apparently reflecte d th e concerted effor t o f an ambitious daughter t o avoid th e destin y represente d b y he r mother , tha t o f th e dutiful , domestic wif e an d mother . Bu t Dickinson' s reactio n t o he r mother' s death suggest s tha t she also cared abou t her ; throug h mourning , sh e may hav e expresse d feeling s o f immediat e loss , an d als o a sens e o f extended deprivatio n o f th e kin d o f materna l suppor t an d guidanc e that sh e ha d craved . I n a certai n sense , Dickinson' s pursui t o f a different destin y fro m tha t o f he r mothe r document s th e pervasiv e influence o f th e mother-daughter relationship , albeit a negative influ ence. 84 In contrast to Mrs. Dickinson, Hannah Blackwel l provide d a mode l of competenc e an d strengt h fo r he r ambitiou s daughters . Bu t thei r relationships wit h he r lacke d warmt h an d intimacy . Althoug h Mrs. Blackwell encourage d thei r achievements, sh e preferre d t o kee p he r female offsprin g unde r he r control . Sh e discourage d the m fro m taking an y interes t i n persona l appearanc e o r relationship s wit h youn g men. O n on e occasio n sh e arrange d fo r he r daughte r Elizabet h t o take a job sh e di d no t want . Later , whe n sh e disapprove d o f Eliza beth's decisio n t o join th e Episcopa l church , sh e trie d t o forc e he r t o change he r min d b y cryin g an d talkin g abou t he r soul. 85 A s a resul t of thi s sor t o f interaction , he r daughter s foun d i t necessar y t o rejec t her demand s fo r closenes s an d conformit y an d maintai n thei r emo tional distanc e fro m her . Emil y Blackwel l describe d thi s distance i n a reference t o he r ow n feeling s durin g a perio d whe n sh e nurse d he r mother throug h a seriou s illness : " I wishe d t o ac t accordin g t o th e laws o f justice an d right , i f I coul d no t la y asid e m y stron g natura l repugnance towar d thos e t o who m I a m no t drawn." 86 Obviousl y Emily Dickinson , th e Blackwel l sisters , and Alic e James a s well repre sent extreme example s rather than typical nineteenth-century daugh ters. Their talent s and ambitions clearly distinguished the m fro m th e majority of thei r peers. But their experiences a s daughters, and thos e of man y o f thei r less illustrious counterparts a s well, indicate tha t th e universe of mother-daughte r relationship s befor e th e era of th e "ne w woman" wa s no t necessaril y th e halcyo n worl d tha t ha s bee n por trayed. Th e evidenc e suggest s a mor e comple x picture , colore d b y tension a s well as harmony.

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E CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE"

Unquestionably, man y mother s and daughter s enjoyed clos e companionship and relie d on one another for moral, emotional, and even financial support. 87 Thei r stron g bond s continue d th e traditio n an d heritage of the colonial and earl y republican eras . Certainly the nineteenth-century socia l and cultura l environment , wit h its emphasis o n domesticity an d o n discret e mal e an d femal e spheres , fostered suc h relationships. Many women worked constantly and diligently to fulfil l their materna l obligations ; the y devote d themselve s t o thei r off spring, and thei r interaction s wit h their daughters were gratifying t o both. Proximit y an d a commonalit y o f interest s undoubtedl y pro moted an d strengthene d intergenerationa l tie s between femal e fam ily members. Indeed, in some instances, those ties apparently were so close that daughter s identifie d wit h thei r mothers ' experiences o f ill health, developing th e symptoms of anemia an d weaknes s character istic of "chlorosis, " an ailmen t tha t seems to have mirrored th e neur asthenic condition s tha t plague d man y middle-class , nineteenth-cen tury adul t women. 88 Thus mother-daughte r intimac y could encompas s the sharing of invalidism as well as domestic roles and interests. As the phenomen a o f sickl y women an d "chlorotic " girls suggest , the live s o f middle-clas s Victoria n female s wer e no t fre e o f conflic t and tension . Th e "cul t o f tru e womanhood " prescribe d a se t o f ex pectations tha t woul d hav e been difficult , i f not impossible, for mos t wives an d mother s t o meet. 89 Contradiction s betwee n thi s cultura l ideal an d th e realit y of thei r live s must hav e seemed especiall y trou blesome t o wome n wh o realize d tha t the y coul d no t liv e u p t o th e abstract imag e of th e self-sacrificing wif e and mother , bu t might still judge themselve s b y this standard. 90 Thi s situation wa s further com plicated b y th e fac t tha t mother s wer e expecte d t o socializ e thei r daughters t o fulfil l th e sam e image . I n thi s context , i t i s hardl y surprising t o lear n tha t conflic t a s wel l a s intimac y characterize d mother-daughter interaction s prio r t o 1880 . A recent analysis of th e relationships betwee n nineteenth-centur y cultura l pattern s and fam ily pattern s b y Steve n Mint z argue s tha t broade r cultura l tension s were reflecte d i n specifi c conflict s withi n individua l Victoria n fami lies.91 Certainl y i n th e cas e o f mother-daughte r relationships , th e pressure o f th e cultura l prescription s fo r wome n contribute d t o th e development o f tension, while at the same time, the cult of domesticity supported intimacy .

"THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 2

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Thus, althoug h th e earlie r traditio n o f femal e friendshi p an d closeness continue d int o th e nineteent h century , mother-daughte r relationships befor e th e appearanc e o f th e "ne w woman " were no t always smooth an d untroubled . Thi s conclusion raise s several inter esting issues. Were the problems experienced b y middle-class mothers an d daughter s prio r t o 188 0 harbinger s o f a full-blown conflic t that develope d later ? Di d conflic t rathe r tha n harmon y dominat e mother-daughter relationship s durin g th e lat e nineteent h an d early twentieth centuries? How did the relationship evolve after 1920 ? And finally, i s conflict endemi c to the modern mother-daughte r relation ship? The assumptions of the existing historiography, which accentuates the problemati c natur e o f mother-daughte r interaction s i n th e lat e nineteenth an d earl y twentieth centuries , togethe r wit h lament s about more recent difficulties betwee n mothers and daughters, suggest the need fo r seriou s attentio n t o th e decade s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 , and t o th e late r twentiet h century , a s possibl e watershed s i n th e history of the relationship. It is important to ascertain whether these periods witnes s majo r chang e betwee n a halcyo n pas t an d a mor e troubled present , o r whethe r the y confir m th e validit y o f a mor e universalistic approac h t o th e histor y o f th e mother-daughte r rela tionship. The ques t fo r answers to these questions define s th e focu s of the chapters that follow.

C H A P T E R2

"MY GIRLS ' M O T H E R S " : TH E E M O T I O N O L O G Y O F MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS , 1 8 8 0 - 192 0

I

N 191 7 a contributo r t o th e popula r women' s magazine , Good Housekeeping, made th e followin g assertion : In the lifetime of girls even twenty years old, the tradition of what girls should be and do in the world ha s changed as much as heretofore i n a century. I t used to be that girls looked forwar d wit h confidence t o domestic life as their destiny. That is still the destiny of most of them, but it is a destiny that i n thi s generatio n seem s t o b e modifie d fo r all , an d avoide d b y very many. .. . The mother s o f thes e moder n girl s ar e ver y muc h lik e hen s tha t hav e hatched out ducks. Whether they believe in current feminine aspirations or not makes not very much difference. 1 This perceptio n o f an emerging femal e generatio n ga p highlights th e climate o f chang e an d transitio n tha t pervade d women' s live s be tween 188 0 an d 192 0 an d offere d daughter s th e vision o f a ne w future fo r themselves— a futur e tha t looke d decisivel y differen t from th e futur e thei r mother s ha d bee n offere d a s the y ha d en tered adulthood . I t wa s thi s disruptio n o f generationa l continuit y and th e apparen t attendan t tensio n tha t concerne d th e autho r o f the Good Housekeeping commentary, an d contributor s t o othe r con temporary popula r periodical s a s well . Throughou t th e lat e nine teenth an d earl y twentiet h centuries , articles , editorials , an d advic e columns implie d tha t serious problem s existed i n the area of mother daughter relationships . Her e wa s a translatio n int o women' s fam ily relationship s o f a concer n abou t adolescenc e tha t wa s spreadin g 22

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around 1900 , but with a potential fo r socially derived misunderstand ing added in . Several majo r theme s define d th e parameter s o f thi s apparen t crisis. Muc h o f th e commentar y centere d o n a perceive d lac k o f intergenerational communicatio n wit h regar d t o bot h trivia l an d mor e serious matters , an d addresse d th e relativ e obligation s o f mother s and daughter s i n thi s area . Writer s als o deplore d th e absenc e o f proper disciplin e an d trainin g fo r youn g wome n a s reflecte d i n thei r demeanor an d conduc t towar d thei r mothers , an d mor e generall y a s well. An d the y stresse d th e nee d fo r mutua l respec t an d considera tion o n th e par t o f adul t daughter s an d thei r mothers . Som e o f thi s advice reflecte d traditiona l domesti c ideology , bu t othe r discussion s acknowledged an d responde d t o th e ne w socia l an d cultura l climat e of th e era , and th e associated change s i n women's lives . The periodica l literatur e portraye d daughter s a s mor e o f a prob lem tha n sons . On e observe r believe d tha t wome n wer e "muc h mor e in a stat e o f becoming , o f transition , tha n men, " and tha t a "genera l law of cross-inheritance, " interprete d t o mea n tha t a daughter rarel y shared he r mother' s temperamen t o r preferences , furthe r compli cated th e situation : "I f th e mothe r starve d fo r a colleg e educatio n and ha s yearne d al l her lif e t o mak e som e smal l sli t o f a n entranc e into th e real m o f ideas , sh e invariabl y ha s a daughte r wit h a n ab sorbed interes t i n hairdressin g an d refrigerators." 2 Whethe r o r no t this description ha d any basis in reality, it clearly reflecte d th e societa l perception o f a female generatio n gap . An d th e potentia l fo r incom patibility posite d b y suc h a perception provide d th e focu s fo r exten sive discussio n o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n popula r peri odicals. The commentar y o n communicatio n problem s frequentl y attribute d daughters' failure s t o confide i n thei r mother s t o materna l behavior s and attitudes . I n 1884 , t ^ie & rst v e a r ° f * ts existence, th e Ladies Home Journal too k a firm stan d o n thi s matter : "I t i s th e companionabl e mothers wh o ar e th e onl y one s t o kee p thei r girls ' confidences. Th e severely critica l mother s ar e no t o f thi s clan , no r thos e wh o ar e impatient o f a child's man y failure s an d shortcomings." 3 Subsequen t issues offere d advic e alon g simila r lines . Fo r example , mother s wer e told t o avoi d sendin g a daughte r t o boardin g school , whic h woul d

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make he r "reticen t an d disincline d t o tal k of thing s neares t he r heart. " This sor t o f reluctanc e t o communicat e woul d no t b e surprisin g i f a girl wa s sen t awa y t o live , eat , study , walk , an d "wors t o f all , talk together" with other girls , it was suggested. 4 It wa s als o importan t fo r a mothe r t o tak e a n interes t i n wha t he r daughter wa s doing; t o remembe r wha t i t was like t o be eighteen; t o keep hersel f young ; an d t o avoi d "sighing " and melanchol y moods. 5 Mothers who failed t o keep up with the times risked losing daughters' respect, an d thu s thei r confidence . Th e ag e o f sixtee n coul d b e a particularly critica l tim e fo r th e relationship : "Anything that tends t o make a gir l loo k dow n upo n he r mothe r i s fata l t o th e bes t interest s of both. " Hence, "antiquated " ideas mus t be avoided, an d a mother' s attire should b e u p t o date. 6 On th e other hand, daughters shoul d no t have unlimited freedom , and communicatio n coul d b e especiall y importan t i n thi s context . A mother, a s the "social hea d o f th e household, " ought t o supervise he r daughter's friendship s an d associations . Wher e a mother and daugh ter share d "a n intimac y o f exchang e o f thought, " however , th e daughter coul d "safel y enjo y muc h freedom , becaus e sh e i s con stantly, Minerv a like , protecte d b y a n aegis." 7 Nevertheless , a s thi s image suggested , n o aspec t o f a girl's life shoul d b e exempt fro m he r mother's scrutiny ; mother s mus t accep t an d fulfil l thei r responsibili ties fo r preparin g thei r daughter s t o lea d "self-reliant , helpful , valu able lives." 8 The y mus t trus t thei r daughters , sho w the m affection , and explai n thei r reason s whe n the y foun d i t necessar y t o refus e their requests. 9 Daughter s wer e urge d t o d o thei r par t t o improv e communication: "Neve r b e ashame d t o tel l her , wh o shoul d b e you r best frien d an d confidant , o f al l you thin k an d feel . I t is very strang e that s o man y youn g girl s wil l tel l ever y perso n befor e 'mother ' tha t which is most important she should know, " one writer advised. "Hav e no secret s tha t yo u woul d no t b e willin g t o trus t t o your mother . Sh e is your bes t friend , an d i s ever devote d t o you r hono r an d interest. " Another suggested , "Tak e as much car e to cultivate the friendship o f your mother as you woul d tha t of a stranger. . . . It's a thousand time s more wort h havin g an d she'l l alway s pu t yo u first." 10 Th e tenuous ness an d superficialit y o f schoo l friendship s wer e contrasted wit h th e fact that "in all the wide world there is no friend like a loving mother." 11 If a mothe r appeare d t o b e unreceptiv e t o he r daughter' s confi -

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

25

dences, th e daughte r shoul d mak e a n effor t t o brea k dow n th e wal l between them ; a daughte r wh o ha d neve r confide d i n he r mothe r should no t b e surprise d i f he r mothe r wa s no t instantl y sympatheti c when sh e finally di d tr y to talk to her. 12 In exhortation s reminiscen t o f earlie r nineteenth-centur y senti mentality, daughter s wer e als o advise d t o devot e mor e attentio n t o their mothers , t o tr y t o giv e the m pleasure , an d t o hel p the m wit h their socia l duties . On e write r urged he r readers : "Dea r girls, if you r mother i s stil l spare d you , yo u canno t cheris h he r to o lovingl y o r honor he r birthdays too much." She recalled a mother who had save d a poe m writte n fo r he r b y he r daughter ; afte r he r death , th e famil y found th e poe m wit h the "garments sh e ha d prepared , year s before " for he r burial. 13 I n anothe r article , th e sam e write r appeale d t o daughters t o increas e bot h th e numbe r o f occasion s an d th e lengt h of tim e spen t wit h thei r mothers , an d t o endeavo r no t t o mov e fa r away fro m the m afte r marriage . "W e see m t o nee d ou r mothe r al l through life , an d th e ol d hungr y ach e fo r he r i s just th e sam e eve n after w e ourselve s hav e grow n grayheaded, " she observed. 14 A mothe r would tak e pleasur e i n he r daughter' s presence , i n he r confidences , in he r solicitousness , i n her assistance with social duties suc h a s pour ing te a an d arrangin g flowers, an d i n th e opportunit y t o mee t "an y young man " he r daughte r met . Indee d tha t opportunit y shoul d b e automatic a s i t wa s "du e t o he r position." 15 I t wa s als o a mother' s right t o be calle d "Mamma " no matte r ho w ol d he r daughte r was ; by addressing he r mothe r i n thi s way , a gir l woul d giv e he r "tha t plea sure which i t should b e your duty, ever y day you live , t o give her." 16 Similarly intens e discussion s identified prope r disciplin e and train ing a s anothe r matte r fo r seriou s concern . Lat e nineteenth-centur y periodicals characterize d America n daughter s a s forwar d an d over indulged, an d castigate d thei r mother s fo r th e fac t tha t America n girls were no t a s well behaved a s their European counterparts . Disre spectful daughter s wer e viewe d a s "vulgar. " A mothe r wh o wa s "al l she ought t o be" would se e to it that her daughter woul d respec t her , but unfortunatel y al l America n mother s di d no t hav e "thi s art." 17 One write r complaine d abou t mother s wh o sacrifice d thei r ow n youth , appearance, health , an d well-bein g t o serv e thei r daughters ' needs , and wer e criticize d o r ignored i n return . "Th e America n gir l i s taugh t that sh e i s a youn g princes s fro m he r cradl e t o th e altar, " she com -

26

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

mented. "I t i s a grea t misfortun e whe n sh e forget s tha t th e mothe r of a princes s mus t b e a queen , o r quee n regent , an d shoul d s o b e treated." 18 The cause of this misfortune wa s clear; the mothers themselves wer e responsible : "Th e recklessnes s o f som e o f ou r country women, i n regar d t o thei r girls , i s terrible . Th e advantag e th e girl s take of it is more terrible still." 19 Popular magazine s continue d t o addres s th e them e o f discour teous American daughter s afte r th e tur n o f th e century. I n 191 0 an article i n Harper's Bazaar criticize d th e tendenc y o f th e America n daughter t o "disciplin e an d trai n an d instruc t he r mothe r wheneve r she condescend s t o lif t he r dow n of f th e shel f where , a s a genera l thing, she keep s her deposited." 20 Editorial s in the Ladies Home Journal deplored th e fact that American mother s tolerated rud e behavior , failed t o teach their offspring th e skills of housewifery, and sent them out int o th e worl d wit h th e feelin g tha t the y coul d hav e fun , g o anywhere, and be the best dressed i n the group. Given the negligence of he r mother , on e coul d no t blam e th e American gir l fo r th e situation, accordin g t o th e magazine' s conservativ e editor , Edwar d Bok . "It i s to o muc h t o say , a s ha s recentl y bee n said , tha t America n motherhood ha s failed," h e observed, "but who will say, on the othe r hand, tha t America n motherhoo d ha s succeeded? " Th e influentia l and outspoke n Bo k rejecte d th e notio n tha t anythin g mor e tha n maternal negligenc e wa s involve d wher e difficul t daughter s wer e concerned: "Th e paren t i s on trial : no t th e time s or th e conditions," he maintained. 21 The firs t decade s o f th e ne w centur y als o introduce d a ne w em phasis i n th e popula r periodicals , a concer n abou t materna l reluc tance to answer daughters' biological, intellectual, and religious questions. A n earlie r discussio n o f thi s proble m ha d reminde d mother s discreetly tha t the y neede d t o wi n thei r daughters ' confidenc e fro m early childhoo d i n orde r t o b e abl e t o discus s wit h the m "thing s a mother shoul d tel l a girl. " I t wa s importan t t o answe r a daughter' s questions directly , t o tel l he r wha t sh e wanted t o kno w abou t "th e mysteries o f lif e whic h troubl e he r innocen t soul, " an d t o tel l he r "simply and truthfull y al l that you wish your mother had told you." 22 Later discussions offered mor e graphic advice. Young women whos e mothers faile d t o equi p the m wit h basi c informatio n regardin g th e facts o f lif e coul d suffe r grav e difficulties . Lac k o f knowledg e an d

"MY GIRLS * MOTHERS "

27

misinformation le d girl s int o seriou s trouble . Thi s situatio n wa s no t confined t o th e "so-calle d ignoran t classes, " but pertaine d t o highl y educated daughter s a s well . A physicia n warne d mother s tha t igno rance rather tha n curiosity "ruins little girls." 23 An anonymou s contributo r t o Harper's Bazaar relate d he r persona l frustration an d resentmen t ove r he r ow n mother' s avoidanc e o f vita l questions and concerns, and the tendency o f other mother s to behav e in th e sam e fashion : " I d o no t thin k I a m exaggeratin g whe n I sa y that th e averag e mothe r i n thi s country—th e average , educated , intelligent mother—avoid s participatin g i n th e intellectua l develop ment o f he r daughters. " Thi s youn g woma n reporte d tha t sh e ha d experienced n o problem s wit h he r mothe r unti l sh e starte d "t o think. " Although sh e acquire d a "bar e an d almos t fragmentar y knowledg e of th e ordinar y physiologica l fact s o f life, " he r mothe r ha d neve r alluded t o "th e relatio n o f th e sexes " i n he r presence . Th e menta l awakening sh e experience d i n college generate d a multitude o f questions she wante d t o discuss, but her mothe r consistentl y steere d thei r conversations int o mor e comfortabl e areas : "Sh e seeme d . . . t o b e living on th e insid e of a crystal ball. I could se e he r and communicat e with her , bu t a s i t were , b y signs." 24 Othe r account s supporte d thi s daughter's indictmen t o f materna l reticenc e an d describe d th e deg radation o f youn g wome n wh o were th e rebelliou s victim s of unsatis fied curiosity. 25 Early twentieth-centur y periodical s als o indicate d tha t th e femal e generation ga p continued, and indeed migh t widen, as young wome n grew up . Numerou s discussion s addresse d th e failur e o f college educated daughter s an d thei r mother s t o respec t eac h others ' value s and point s o f vie w an d th e impatienc e o f adul t daughter s wit h th e whims o f agin g mothers . Som e author s lamente d th e disappearanc e of th e "hom e daughter " and th e fat e o f mother s wh o pine d awa y a t home fo r thei r career-oriente d offspring. 26 Other s advise d parent s to recognize tha t a young woman who had attended colleg e could no t be expecte d t o resum e th e rol e o f th e dependen t daughter-at-home , and urge d mother s t o suppor t thei r daughter s i n thei r searc h fo r fulfilling activity ; a wis e an d experience d mothe r coul d offe r vita l assistance whe n ne w femal e aspiration s clashe d wit h "th e inevitabl e and indispensable incident s of life." 27 Additional guidanc e directe d daughter s t o us e tact , kindness , an d

28

"MY GIRLS * MOTHERS "

patience rathe r tha n criticis m i n thei r interaction s wit h agin g (middle aged!) mothers , t o pa y attentio n t o them , t o compliment them , an d to accep t thei r foible s rathe r tha n tr y t o chang e them. 28 A ministe r observed tha t youn g wome n shoul d fulfil l thei r famil y obligations , but noted tha t God was the final authority to which they must answer for thei r decisions. 29 Some authors stressed the traditional obligations of daughter s t o respec t an d abid e b y thei r mothers * judgments re garding socia l occasions and acquaintances , and t o heed thei r advic e in matter s o f courtship an d marriage. 30 Earlie r commentar y regard ing maternal involvemen t i n courtship ha d offere d simila r guidance , as, for example , with regard t o a reader's question concerning elopement: "If you take my advice you will go directly to your mother, tell her plainl y abou t thi s man , an d d o nothin g unti l sh e ha s mad e hi s acquaintance and decided fo r you." 31 One editorial deplored th e lack of deference demonstrate d b y a young woman who treated her mothe r as i f sh e wer e a "painte d post, " ignorin g he r i n a friend' s presence . Its author reiterate d th e necessity for respec t and esteem, even where a mother, "b y some unhappy combination o f circumstances . . . i s not equal to her daughter's advancement—brought about , remember, by the mother's sacrifice usually." 32 While daughter s wer e certainl y admonishe d t o d o thei r par t t o ease th e strain s i n th e mother-daughte r relationship , on balance th e periodical literatur e tende d t o portray the m a s the aggrieved partie s rather tha n a s the individual s responsibl e fo r maintainin g intergen erational harmony . I n 189 4 a n articl e entitle d "Th e Mothe r o f M y Girl" had allude d wit h disma y t o th e man y letters fro m reader s tha t caused it s author t o wonder "what the mothers all over the world ar e doing" regardin g thei r obligation s t o thei r daughters . I n th e sam e vein, an editorial in The Independent in September 190 1 observed tha t "the unnatura l burde n o f filial obligations an d scruple s impose d b y some mother s i s th e prim e facto r o f th e secre t antagonis m existin g between them [mother s and daughters]. . .. A s a matter of fact, ther e is les s nee d o f confidence s betwee n th e tw o tha n i s generall y sup posed,—and muc h mor e nee d o f confidence." 33 Mother s wer e pri marily responsible for the prevalence of conflict and dissension, then, and i t was their dut y t o build clos e relationship s wit h youn g daugh ters an d t o foste r independenc e i n grow n ones . Thi s proces s mus t begin lon g befor e a daughte r reache d adolescence , an d a mothe r

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

29

must always be ready to listen: "If there isn't time for Baby' s bath an d the confidence s o f th e littl e gir l o f nine , i t i s bette r t o le t som e on e else bath e th e baby. " I n case s o f materna l "despotism, " wher e adul t women remaine d enslave d t o th e wishe s o f "imperious " mothers , permanent alienatio n could be the result. 34 Mothers wer e als o blame d fo r th e deterioratin g healt h o f daugh ters wh o becam e anemi c a s a resul t o f academi c pressures , excessiv e social life, and improper diet. 35 And the y were accused both of failin g to provid e daughter s wit h th e "womanl y training " the publi c school s did no t offer , an d o f refusin g t o suppor t daughters ' effort s t o prac tice th e typ e o f domesti c scienc e tha t the y learne d i n school. 36 A mother whos e lov e wa s "petty and possessive " might hav e a "narrowing" influence ; o n th e othe r hand , on e whos e interest s wer e "scat tered," wh o wa s bus y with club s an d socia l work , migh t b e a t faul t where a daughte r turne d ou t t o b e " 'progressive.' " 37 I t i s hardl y surprising tha t thi s climat e o f contradictor y criticis m als o encom passed th e confession s o f mother s wh o lamente d thei r ow n deficien cies as parents, as well as those of daughter s wh o regrette d thei r filial negligence. 38 The tendenc y t o depict daughters as the victims of materna l inept ness reflecte d th e mor e genera l tren d towar d th e promulgatio n o f "scientific" child-rearin g advic e designe d t o foste r th e developmen t of mother s a s experts a t their jobs. I t suggested a marketing strateg y too, an effort t o address the perceived concerns of youn g women an d thus to sell more magazines . As the reference t o the content of letter s directed t o th e author o f "Th e Mothe r o f M y Girl " indicates, reade r response als o ma y hav e encouraged th e continued publicatio n o f thi s point o f view. 39 Bu t thes e explanation s omi t an y consideratio n o f another importan t facto r whic h mus t be take n int o accoun t i n assessing the propensit y fo r mothe r blaming: th e natur e o f th e rol e playe d by the persona l opinion s an d idiosyncrasie s o f individua l writer s an d editors. Fo r example , fo r severa l year s th e colum n i n whic h th e "Mother of M y Girl" article appeared wa s actually writte n b y Edward Bok unde r th e pseudony m Rut h Ashmore . N o doub t th e materia l published i n thi s column , lik e th e conten t o f hi s signe d editorials , reflected hi s own conservativ e biase s at least a s much a s it articulate d broader societa l concerns. 40 Thu s i n thi s instance , an d undoubtedl y in man y othe r case s a s well , th e natur e o f th e prescriptiv e literatur e

3o

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

probably offer s mor e evidenc e abou t th e value s o f th e write r tha n about an y broader cultural o r societal values. 41 Who rea d th e advic e proffere d b y Edwar d Bo k an d hi s counter parts? Ho w larg e a n audienc e di d thei r prescription s reach ? A t th e turn of th e century, th e major women's magazines were characterize d by low prices , mas s production , an d nationa l distribution . Whe n Bo k assumed th e editorshi p o f th e Ladies Home Journal i n 1889 , i t was a n established periodica l wit h a circulatio n o f abou t 440,000 . B y 189 3 this figure ha d increase d t o 700,000 , a t a cost o f te n cent s pe r copy , and i t passe d th e millio n mar k i n 1904 . The Rut h Ashmor e column , "Side Talk s wit h Girls, " elicite d som e 158,00 0 letter s fro m reader s over a perio d o f sixtee n years , an d employe d thre e stenographers ; although h e ha d starte d it , Bok turne d ove r the responsibility fo r thi s department t o a femal e colleagu e becaus e th e letter s seeme d to o intimate for hi s eyes.42 The extensiv e circulation and apparent reade r response sugges t tha t the Ladies Home Journal published article s about matters o f concer n t o man y middle-clas s America n women . A s on e study o f popula r periodical s describe s it , th e conten t wa s "neithe r highbrow o r lowbrow , i t rod e th e larg e middl e groun d o f publi c taste."43 Other women' s magazine s followe d simila r patterns . Woman's Home Companion, first publishe d i n 188 5 unde r th e titl e Ladies Home Companion an d retitle d i n 1897 , achieve d a circulatio n o f 737,00 0 b y 1912. I n 1920 , th e circulatio n reache d 2,598,000 , wit h advertisin g revenues o f $8,500,000 . Lik e th e Ladies Home Journal, i t publishe d both fiction an d nonfiction , article s abou t foo d an d fashion , practica l advice fo r th e homemaker, consume r advice , and th e like. The Delineator, whic h first appeare d i n 1873 , deal t wit h fashio n unti l 1894 , when i t broadene d it s focus . Fictio n appeare d i n it s page s i n 1897 , and b y the earl y twentiet h centur y i t also included genera l nonfictio n articles. It s circulatio n reache d 480,00 0 i n 190 0 an d gre w t o slightl y more tha n a millio n b y 1920 . Good Housekeeping an d Harper's Bazar (later Bazaar) wer e als o founde d i n th e lat e nineteent h century . Th e latter wa s modele d o n a women' s periodica l publishe d i n Berlin ; i t appeared weekl y unti l 1901 , whe n i t becam e a monthl y publication . At th e tur n o f th e century , th e forme r emphasize d topic s suc h a s simplified housekeeping , cannin g fruits , preparin g Sunda y dinners , fashions, an d chil d rearing ; eventuall y i t include d mor e "scientific "

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

31

home economic s materia l derive d fro m investigation s conducte d first at th e Goo d Housekeepin g Experimen t Station , an d late r i n th e laboratories an d kitchen s o f th e Goo d Housekeepin g Burea u an d Good Housekeepin g Institute. 44 The publi c associate d thes e women' s magazines , an d othe r popu lar periodicals , wit h th e powerfu l editor s whos e personalitie s wer e strongly reflecte d i n their publications. Edward Bok' s editorial tenur e lasted fo r thirt y years . Othe r leadin g magazine s als o retaine d influ ential editor s whos e opinion s shape d th e uniqu e characte r o f eac h one. 45 Bo k wa s strongl y antifeminist , an d th e page s o f th e Ladies Home Journal articulate d hi s conservativ e poin t o f view . Good Housekeeping and Harper's Bazar wer e mor e progressive , bu t thes e publica tions als o stresse d th e obligation s o f wifehoo d an d motherhood , al beit i n th e contex t o f a "scientific" approach t o hom e economic s an d parenting. Bot h emphasize d women' s role s a s enlightene d consum ers. Bazar als o concerne d itsel f wit h matter s beyon d househol d af fairs, includin g fashion , "society, " and art s an d letters . I t supporte d women's suffrag e an d othe r reforms , bu t i t rejecte d feminis t aspira tions fo r career s outsid e th e home. 46 I f circulatio n figures offe r an y accurate interpretatio n o f reade r respons e t o periodica l literature , apparently a large, presumabl y femal e audienc e wa s receptive t o th e spectrum o f ideas , includin g thos e concernin g th e interaction s o f mothers an d daughters , represente d i n these publications . Popular advic e manual s of th e perio d ech o man y o f th e sam e theme s addressed i n th e periodicals—fo r example , th e importanc e o f ope n communication betwee n mother s an d daughters , th e assignmen t o f responsibility fo r th e maintenance o f intergenerationa l harmon y pri marily t o mothers , an d th e necessit y o f acknowledgin g th e need s o f adult daughters. A dichotom y betwee n traditiona l an d mor e progres sive point s o f vie w i s clearl y reflecte d i n th e natur e o f th e advic e proffered t o mother s b y th e author s o f thes e manuals . Th e shee r volume o f coverag e i n thi s literature , lik e th e extensiv e treatmen t o f mother-daughter issue s i n contemporar y magazines , suggest s tha t such problem s wer e of grea t interest t o middle-class, femal e readers . The advic e manual s emphaticall y labele d mother-daughte r com munication a s a ke y proble m an d underscore d materna l obligation s in thi s area . "I t is no t enough tha t we encourag e ou r childre n t o tal k

32

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

freely t o us . . . . W e mus t prov e ourselve s worth y an d abl e t o giv e counsel n o les s tha n sympathy ; mus t no t hav e Settle d down ' belo w the leve l o f thei r requirements, " th e well-know n write r Mario n Har land reminde d he r reader s i n a ton e reminiscen t o f muc h o f th e periodical literature. 47 I n a volum e dedicate d "T o th e on e wh o ha s made m y lif e mos t complet e an d eve r bee n m y dearest comrad e M y Daughter," Gabriell e E . Jackso n emphasize d "th e mutua l under standing whic h ma y an d shoul d b e a s inseparabl e fro m a mother' s and daughter' s intercours e a s ar e lif e an d breathing. " Towar d th e creation o f thi s understanding , sh e urge d mother s t o respect daugh ters; t o take thei r concerns an d interest s seriously; t o involve the m i n decorating an d carin g fo r thei r rooms ; and t o talk t o them abou t th e books the y read . I t wa s essentia l t o mak e a daughte r fee l tha t sh e could depen d o n he r mothe r n o matte r wha t migh t happen : "Sh e does not know it at seven—she doe s no t analyze it and put the feelin g into words ; a t twenty-seve n i t wil l hav e becom e he r secon d creed." 48 Jackson criticize d th e fac t tha t whil e man y mother s love d thei r daughters devotedly , the y frequentl y faile d t o mak e companion s o f them. I n he r opinion, th e mother' s responsibilit y wa s clear: There should be no one upon earth to whom that daughter should feel s o ready to go wit h ever y thought , ever y hope , ever y plan . I f she does not , i t is her mother's fault . Neve r fo r a single instan t shoul d sh e fee l tha t her interest s are separated from her mother's. No matter how trivial they may seem to the maturer eyes of tha t mother, she is failing pitifull y i n her duty if she allows her daughter to suspect it. Indeed she should not permit herself so to regard them.49 In anothe r volum e entitle d improbabl y A series of don'ts for mothers, who may, or may not, stand in need of them, the sam e autho r offere d similar advice , stressin g th e importanc e o f fosterin g ope n commu nication, providin g emotiona l support , refrainin g fro m criticism , an d maintaining a youthfu l outlook . Her e again , th e tendenc y t o blam e mothers fo r th e existenc e o f problem s wa s unambiguous : "Don' t forget tha t if your daughter i s boisterous abroad ther e mus t be something amiss at home." 50 Caroline W . Latime r offere d a mor e sophisticate d an d distinctl y modern interpretatio n o f th e apparen t reluctanc e o f daughter s t o confide i n thei r mothers . Sh e suggeste d tha t reticence o n th e par t o f a young woman reflecte d no t an intentional desire to shut her mothe r

"MY GIRLS * MOTHERS "

33

out, bu t a temporar y inabilit y t o understan d an d expres s coherentl y the multitud e o f confusin g ne w ideas , questions , an d aspiration s passing throug h he r min d durin g adolescence. Whil e sh e recognize d the potentia l fo r hur t feeling s o n th e par t o f a mothe r wh o migh t suddenly find hersel f excluded b y an adolescent daughter , sh e coun seled patienc e an d restraint : "If a girl finds tha t her confidence i s not forced an d i s sensibl e o f tha t silen t comprehensio n an d sympath y which demand s n o recognition , sh e wil l giv e he r confidenc e agai n fully an d freel y a s sh e di d before ; bu t interferenc e wit h th e proces s of self-evolutio n jus t a t thi s perio d wil l certainl y impai r confidenc e for th e future." 51 Her e again , mother s wer e expecte d t o assume ful l responsibility fo r fosterin g ope n communicatio n wit h thei r daugh ters. Parents who managed t o refrain fro m interferin g i n every detai l of a daughter's lif e an d tempere d thei r natural concer n wit h tac t and attention t o persona l freedo m woul d b e ampl y rewarded , however , for the y woul d secur e "tha t lifelon g friendshi p wit h thei r daughter , which is one o f life' s mos t precious possessions." 52 Dorothy Canfiel d Fishe r als o urge d a mor e moder n approac h t o mother-daughter relationships . I n an acknowledgment o f th e chang ing times , sh e noted : "Th e janglin g o f man y key s i s i n ou r ears . These ar e twentieth-centur y days . Le t u s tak e hee d ho w w e forc e locks, rathe r tha n ope n them. " Fishe r advise d mother s t o conside r the possibility that an unruly daughter migh t need, "instead of exhor tations t o submission, a number o f innocen t outlet s t o he r desir e fo r gayety and fun : t o be allowed t o bring her friend s hom e wit h her, fo r example; to be taken to the theater; to go on walk s with her mother." 53 She observe d tha t mother-daughte r tie s ar e no t alway s clos e despit e the bloo d relationship , an d sh e argue d tha t compatibilit y betwee n parents and thei r mature offspring mus t be based o n "spiritua l affin ity," or a t leas t "mutua l respect. " Parent s wh o prove d t o b e "unwor thy o f respect " then coul d expec t t o hav e straine d relationship s wit h their children. 54 Wit h regar d specificall y t o women's expectation s fo r their future role s in their daughters' lives, Fisher reminded he r readers: Our daughters do not look forward to matrimony with the fixity of intention of our grandmothers . I t may very easily happen tha t they wil l prefe r som e other form of servic e to the blessed old way of famil y life , s o dear to us. In any case we will almos t certainly no t become grandmother s unti l afte r ou r

34

"MY GIRLS * MOTHERS "

children hav e ha d severa l year s o f independen t lif e an d hav e achieve d a maturity o f characte r an d a n experienc e o f affair s whic h mak e the m abl e and eager to cope themselves with their own domestic problems. Hence sh e suggeste d tha t mother s shoul d prepar e t o occup y them selves wit h othe r activitie s rathe r tha n anticipat e activ e involvemen t in th e upbringin g o f thei r grandchildren ; th e mothe r wh o ca n liv e constructively withou t he r childre n i s "the very one the y wil l wan t i n their lives," she noted. 55 Fisher's recognitio n o f th e change s occurrin g i n women's live s was echoed i n othe r progressiv e commentar y tha t clearl y mirrore d th e new emphasi s o n colleg e educatio n fo r women . I n 191 0 Carolin e Latimer observed tha t while femal e colleg e students had been viewe d by thei r friend s wit h "mingle d admiratio n an d disapproval " thirt y years earlier , familie s no w routinel y considere d th e optio n o f highe r education fo r thei r daughters . Sh e als o reassure d parent s tha t mos t young wome n wh o wen t t o colleg e manage d t o remai n healthy. 56 Other author s pointe d ou t tha t a mother's job becam e mor e difficul t if he r daughte r wen t awa y t o college . I t wa s vita l fo r he r t o kee p i n touch wit h al l aspect s o f he r daughter' s colleg e activitie s fo r "colleg e life is , unquestionably , a critica l tes t o f th e mother' s hol d upo n th e daughter an d th e daughter' s lov e fo r th e mother. " Henc e mother s should writ e regularl y t o thei r daughters , relatin g "ever y littl e hap pening o f th e hom e life, " mak e thei r colleg e friend s welcom e a t home, an d visi t the college wheneve r possibl e to "make them fee l tha t you ar e i n a sens e on e o f them." 57 Additiona l problem s surface d when daughter s finished college . Youn g wome n wer e no t likel y t o return afte r fou r busy , happ y year s and settl e comfortably int o hom e routines; the y wer e ofte n deepl y unhappy , an d the y neede d t o hav e constructive activities . Notin g tha t "th e breakin g u p o f menta l an d physical habit s tha t hav e i n fou r years ' time become a kind of secon d nature" i s ver y painfu l an d difficult , Hele n Eki n Starret t advise d parents t o hel p thei r daughter s t o pla n fo r thi s transitio n b y encour aging the m t o find satisfyin g occupation s suc h a s teachin g o r settle ment wor k eve n i f thi s necessitate d thei r leaving home. 58 While Star rett acknowledge d tha t marriag e migh t b e th e idea l solution , sh e pointed ou t tha t families coul d no t depend o n thi s occurring withi n a year o r tw o o f a daughter' s colleg e graduation . I n th e absenc e o f thoughtful preparatio n fo r thi s period , a youn g woma n coul d b e

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

35

"confronted wit h blan k nothingness. " Sh e als o advocate d pai d em ployment, even for young women from comfortable families. 59 A similarl y untraditiona l ton e characterize d Margare t Sangster' s approach to the issues surrounding th e impact of college on daughters' lives. She applauded the benefits of higher education for young women—"the menta l discipline, the balance of faculties, the admirable pois e gaine d i n college. " A colleg e educatio n coul d broade n a daughter's horizon s an d prepar e he r t o b e self-supportin g o r t o pursue further professiona l study . It would also defer he r marriage, which woul d allow he r to have a pleasant girlhood. 60 While a young woman with a college diploma might be more interested in pursuing a career than in marrying, this should not be construed as a tragedy, she advised, since man y professional opportunitie s awaite d "th e unmarried girl " who was "not only wanted, but clamored fo r today." 61 Sangster recommended that daughters who did remain at home after college shoul d be treated as adults; a daughter shoul d no t be "hampered b y a n overbearin g mother, " compelled t o as k permissio n t o buy a dress or have a tea party, or expected t o defer t o her brothers as was the case in some families. She should b e permitted t o receive wages o r hav e a n expens e allowance , o r sh e shoul d b e give n cart e blanche to spend her father's money. 62 Like th e periodica l literature , advic e manual s reprove d mother s for thei r daughters' ignorance of, o r misinformation about , pubert y and the facts of life. Rejecting traditional female reticence about such matters, the y criticize d materna l reluctanc e t o discus s thes e issue s and maternal inclinations to protect daughters from such knowledge or t o inven t sill y storie s rathe r tha n provid e accurat e information , both tendencies tha t forced youn g women t o learn about these matters fro m servant s an d schoolmates . N o suitabl e sourc e o f informa tion would be available if a mother failed her daughter in this regard because no other "decent" woman would discuss the subject with her. Thus wha t shoul d b e a daughter's "dower , bearin g th e sea l o f th e Divine Father " too often becam e a "foul secret." 63 Mario n Harlan d indicted no t only th e contemporary generatio n o f mother s fo r thei r shortcomings in this area, but their predecessors as well, projecting a clearly untraditional point of view on this sensitive issue: "The pseudo delicacy tha t drive s the pure-hearte d chil d awa y fro m th e on e wh o should be her confidante an d teacher, to the prurient whisperings of

36

"MY GIRLS * MOTHERS "

the school-fello w wh o stay s al l nigh t wit h he r almos t ever y week , o r the vulga r gossipin g o f servan t girls , i s n o ne w idiosyncras y o f well meaning mothers . Scruple s an d habit s hav e com e dow n t o the m (again) 'b y ordinar y generation / " 64 Gabriell e Jackso n share d th e same concern , advisin g mother s no t t o kee p daughter s "i n a mora l 'straight-jacket,* les t soone r o r late r yo u mee t with a rud e awaken ing." 65 Whil e youn g girl s woul d no t b e harme d b y readin g thing s they did no t understand , anothe r write r observed, adolescen t daugh ters shoul d b e guide d t o appropriat e literatur e abou t relation s be tween me n an d women . Onc e again , "Th e importan t thin g i n thi s matter, a s i n al l matter s involvin g th e questio n o f sex , i s tha t th e relation betwee n a girl an d he r mothe r shal l be of suc h a nature tha t she wil l see k th e explanatio n o f thing s hal f understoo d fro m th e legitimate sourc e and thu s learn th e righ t way of regardin g them." 66 Straightforward advic e o f thi s sor t suggest s tha t som e author s realistically acknowledge d th e change s i n women' s live s an d thei r implications, a s the y addresse d a n audienc e i n nee d o f ne w guide lines. However , other writers projecte d a distinctly mor e conservativ e tone. Articulatin g a poin t o f vie w reminiscen t o f earlie r nineteenth century ideology , Alin e Lydi a Hoffma n argue d tha t "ou r lot , ou r principal offic e is , then, maternity . . . . Motherhood i s the paramoun t duty o f woman , the beginning and the end of her social duty." Thu s motherhood wa s a woman' s primar y vocation , whethe r with regar d to he r ow n childre n o r t o al l "mankind. " Fo r daughters wh o di d no t marry, Hoffma n envisione d " a futur e o f complet e contentmen t i n the motherhoo d whic h consist s i n thei r self-devotio n t o humanit y and t o thei r sufferin g an d afflicte d neighbors. " T o thi s end , sh e maintained tha t it was a mother's dut y t o tell her daughter about he r responsibilities fo r th e happines s o f others , t o "teac h he r earl y t o forget self , t o b e useful , t o hel p others , an d thereb y fulfil l he r des tiny."67 Wit h regar d t o se x education , Hoffma n foun d th e issu e o f enlightening daughter s "o n certain matter s of which they know noth ing, or , t o spea k mor e correctly , matter s o f whic h w e ar e agree d t o assume that they know nothing," a difficult one . She noted that "one's instinct" was to avoid suc h discussions, in which case men would hav e to becom e mor e moral . Nevertheless , sh e concede d th e necessit y o f instructing th e nex t generatio n o f mother s i n th e realitie s o f life , a t least unti l male s ha d indee d progresse d i n th e moral realm . I t woul d

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

37

be unjust , sh e concluded , "t o bin d ou r daughter s t o a destin y fo r themselves, an d abov e all , t o sea l th e futur e o f thei r childre n b y a contract, th e nature and conditions which the y are ignorant." 68 James C . Fernal d share d Hoffman' s traditiona l poin t o f view . H e argued tha t th e hom e remaine d th e appropriat e spher e fo r women , and h e favore d domesti c educatio n fo r daughter s rathe r tha n th e sort o f advance d educatio n tha t woul d rende r thei r mother s irrele vant t o thei r lives , lik e th e "slav e 'mamma ' o f ol d Souther n days , cherished b y thos e enterin g a different an d loftie r existence , bu t no t imagined capabl e to instruct, and no t t o be obeyed, excep t temporar ily an d unde r protest." 69 Fernal d advise d agains t permittin g youn g women t o "rush " to th e citie s wher e the y woul d encounte r a variet y of temptations . H e maintaine d tha t girl s fro m goo d home s shoul d not compet e fo r job s wit h poo r girl s wh o reall y neede d th e toke n wages the y migh t be paid . Instead , the y should remai n a t home "an d help th e dea r mothe r wh o care d s o tenderl y fo r [them ] i n th e wear y loving year s gon e by, " thus preventin g he r fro m becomin g a broke n old woma n b y th e tim e sh e reache d he r mid-forties. 70 Frederi c Wil liam Farre r als o stressed th e importanc e o f women' s traditiona l role s as wives or as single daughters who cared fo r their fathers and helpe d their mothers a t home. Wit h regar d t o those wh o did no t conform t o these expectations , h e remarked : "Fe w thing s shoc k u s mor e i n th e records o f histor y tha n th e mentio n o f bad daughters. Happil y the y are not numerous." 71 The impac t o f conservativ e ideolog y ca n als o b e discerne d i n ad vice literatur e tha t directl y reflecte d th e influenc e o f th e profession alization o f motherhood . Fo r example , Elle n Key' s cal l fo r a renais sance o f motherhoo d emphasize d th e valu e o f serious , organize d education, includin g a year of socia l servic e work , a s th e appropriat e preparation fo r thi s importan t task . Bu t he r conceptio n o f mother hood remaine d traditional . Sh e deplore d th e notio n o f th e workin g mother wh o lef t th e car e o f he r childre n t o others , a n ide a sh e considered "th e death o f home-lif e an d famil y life. " And sh e viewe d the aspiration s o f th e "ne w woman " with trepidation : "An d ha s ou r race eve r bee n afflicte d b y a mor e dangerou s diseas e tha n th e on e which a t present rage s among women : th e sic k yearning t o be 'freed ' from th e mos t essentia l attribut e o f thei r sex ? I n motherliness , th e most indispensabl e huma n qualitie s hav e thei r root." 72 Elizabet h

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"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

Macfarlane Chesse r als o advocate d prope r trainin g fo r motherhoo d and women' s sphere . Althoug h sh e acknowledge d th e tren d towar d providing highe r educatio n fo r daughter s a s wel l a s sons , an d as serted th e valu e o f a ful l opportunit y fo r menta l development , sh e favored a specialized curriculu m t o prepare young women fo r mater nity. Chesse r propose d tha t sinc e n o on e kne w whic h girl s woul d eventually b e mothers , al l of the m shoul d b e require d t o study hom e economics befor e attendin g college. 73 Even Hele n Eki n Starrett , whos e logical , reasone d recommenda tions fo r assistin g daughter s t o mak e th e transitio n fro m colleg e t o the futur e suggeste d a rathe r progressiv e fram e o f reference , main tained a n essentiall y traditiona l positio n wit h regar d t o youn g wom en's destinies. Whil e she urge d th e wisdom of prope r preparatio n fo r some sor t o f nondomesti c wor k fo r pragmati c reasons—i n cas e a woman neve r marrie d or experienced a temporary famil y emergenc y —Starrett stresse d th e primac y o f preparatio n t o assum e th e dutie s of th e mistres s o f a home. 74 Independen t wome n coul d b e impres sive, sh e conceded , but , sh e reminde d he r readers , "i t i s probabl e that we al l feel , whe n plannin g fo r th e futur e o f ou r daughters , tha t if they ar e called upo n t o fulfi l th e whole o f woman' s natura l destiny , if the y becom e wive s an d mothers , thei r norma l condition , an d tha t which woul d b e th e mos t favorabl e t o thei r ow n happines s an d com plete an d harmoniou s development , woul d b e tha t o f bein g care d for." Indeed , sh e continued , "ther e i s n o rightly-constitute d woma n who unde r th e righ t condition s doe s no t enjo y havin g al l he r tem poral want s supplie d an d bein g care d fo r an d protected." 75 Thu s a conservative bia s remaine d discernibl e eve n i n so-calle d "scientific " advice fo r mothers . A volum e publishe d a s late a s 1925 , which advo cated th e gradual allocatio n o f mor e freedo m t o girls, warned agains t treating daughter s a s i f the y wer e friend s an d contemporaries : "Per haps th e mos t difficul t thin g o f al l fo r mother s wh o ar e youn g an d vital and wh o fee l lik e sisters to their daughters, i s to learn that this is not altogether a wholesome relationship . The generation s are distinct and ar e mean t t o b e distinct , an d ther e come s a tim e . . . whe n th e daughter doe s no t nee d a siste r bu t a mother." 76 Th e autho r o f thi s volume als o believed tha t youn g wome n shoul d b e encouraged t o d o something usefu l rathe r tha n t o "drift " afte r the y finished school . Her definitio n o f "useful " remained ver y traditional , however , a s she

"MY GIRLS ' MOTHERS "

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observed i n thi s contex t tha t thos e wit h artistic talen t wer e particu larly fortunat e sinc e ar t can b e easily integrate d wit h hom e activities . Employment i n businesse s suc h a s bookstores an d dres s shop s migh t be acceptable , bu t a woma n mus t giv e u p thi s typ e o f wor k i n orde r to raise a family. 77 While al l advice manual s certainly di d no t offer identica l guidanc e regarding mother-daughte r relationships , th e theme s o f materna l expertise an d professionalism , stil l conceptualize d withi n th e frame work o f domesticity , characterize d mos t discussions . Thi s tren d re flected th e stress o n chil d stud y i n discussion s o f famil y lif e mor e generally durin g th e perio d followin g 1870 . Th e publicatio n o f nu merous book s an d monograph s focusin g o n chil d developmen t be tween 188 0 and 1900 , and the establishment o f child-study program s at variou s universities , highlighte d th e emphasi s o n developin g new , scientific knowledg e abou t childre n an d implementin g tha t knowl edge i n th e context o f famil y life . Th e foundin g o f discussio n group s such a s th e Societ y fo r th e Stud y o f Chil d Natur e i n 188 8 i n Ne w York, whic h me t weekl y t o conside r question s suc h a s "Shoul d a desire fo r th e righ t o f franchis e b e inculcate d i n daughters? " illus trated th e influenc e o f th e child-stud y movement. 78 However , th e interest i n chil d stud y coul d generat e conservativ e a s wel l a s libera l advice. Although th e distinctio n wa s no t alway s clear , fo r th e mos t par t th e prescriptive literatur e presente d tw o differen t perspective s o n th e mother-daughter issue . Th e doubl e emphasis , o n th e importanc e o f avoiding conflic t i n th e putativel y harmoniou s mother-daughte r re lationship an d th e responsibilitie s o f mother s fo r respondin g appro priately t o daughters ' needs , an d th e strikin g contras t betwee n tradi tional an d modernis t view s mirrore d th e intensit y o f th e cultura l dialectic betwee n traditio n an d innovation , th e "divided mind " of th e era. 79 This literatur e also reflected societa l anxiet y abou t th e change s that challenged th e tenet s of th e nineteenth-century cul t of domestic ity an d threatene d t o dismantl e th e barrier s betwee n th e separat e spheres. As Mary Ryan has noted, American wome n i n the past "have been subjecte d t o th e mos t excessiv e amount s an d extrem e form s o f instructions, al l o f whic h hav e sough t t o escor t the m int o role s tha t provide vita l services to the social order." 80 I n th e case of th e period -

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icals an d advic e manuals , th e subtex t i n th e "instructions " wa s con cerned wit h th e preservatio n o f th e integrit y o f women' s spher e an d the traditiona l imag e o f femininity . Th e maintenanc e o f harmoniou s mother-daughter relationship s woul d enabl e mother s t o continue t o train daughter s t o fulfil l thei r domesti c roles ; mother-daughte r con flict woul d threate n tha t continuit y an d woul d als o disclose th e pres ence o f unacceptabl e anger . Whether th e ton e wa s conservativ e o r liberal , however , bot h th e substance an d th e frequenc y o f th e discussion s o f mother-daughte r relationships i n th e periodica l an d advic e literatur e emphasize d th e centrality o f th e issu e an d implie d tha t tensio n an d discor d betwee n mothers and daughters trouble d mor e than a few middle-clas s Amer ican familie s durin g thi s perio d o f transitio n i n women' s lives . Give n the exten t o f th e change s occurrin g i n America n society , th e charac ter o f th e prescriptiv e literatur e i s certainly no t surprising . No r doe s it reflect a different imag e of mother-daughte r interaction s fro m tha t suggested b y historian s wh o hav e previousl y considere d mother daughter relationship s i n this era. This literature was also undeniabl y popular. Thes e sources , then , woul d see m t o support th e contentio n that unprecedente d conflic t intrude d upo n th e mother-daughte r re lationship durin g th e perio d 1880-1920—an d indee d perhap s de termined th e natur e o f tha t relationship i n the twentieth century . Certainly periodicals , advic e manuals , an d othe r cultura l docu ments canno t b e assume d t o reflec t actua l famil y behavio r an d expe riences, bu t the y ca n ofte n mirro r rea l concerns. 81 Th e correspon dence betwee n th e socia l an d cultura l backgroun d o f chang e i n women's experience s an d th e ton e o f th e prescriptiv e literatur e sug gests tha t th e decade s o f th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentiet h centuries ma y represen t a turnin g poin t i n femal e famil y relation ships, i n fac t a s wel l a s in perception . Di d mother-daughte r relation ships i n middle-clas s familie s develo p a new elemen t o f conflic t dur ing thes e year s o f transition ? Doe s thi s conflict foreshado w th e sens e of tensio n an d ambivalenc e i n th e relationshi p tha t woul d b e articu lated bot h formall y an d informall y b y eve n mor e America n wome n in lat e twentieth-centur y society ? Th e followin g chapte r will conside r these possibilitie s furthe r throug h a n examinatio n o f th e fictional treatment o f mother-daughte r relationship s durin g th e year s be tween 188 0 and 1920 .

C H A P T E R3

" C U L T U R A L WORK" : M O T H E R DAUGHTER R E L A T I O N S H I P S IN NOVEL S

W

HEN Sylvi a Marshall' s gran d tou r o f Europ e i s cu t shor t by th e new s o f th e deat h o f he r mothe r i n Doroth y Can field Fisher' s The Bent Twig, the young woman i s overcom e by grief: "Ho w could he r mothe r b e dead? Wha t did i t mean t o hav e her mothe r dead ? . . . Sh e sai d th e gri m word s ove r an d over , th e sound o f the m wa s horrifyin g t o her , bu t i n he r hear t sh e di d no t believe them . He r mother , her mothe r coul d no t die!" 1 A s sh e ex plains t o he r aunt' s stepson , he r mother' s deat h sever s a bon d tha t has been crucia l i n shapin g her life: " 4 Oh, what I would hav e been — I can' t bea r t o think o f wha t kin d o f woma n I woul d hav e bee n without m y mother!' The ide a was terrible t o her." 2 While Sylvi a recognize s he r mother' s influenc e a s a positiv e forc e in he r development, th e protagonis t o f Ma y Sinclair's Mary Olivier: A Life, published fou r years after The Bent Twig, regard s maternal influ ence a s a destructiv e rathe r tha n a nurturin g presenc e i n he r life . Mary Olivie r describes he r vie w o f th e uniqu e natur e o f th e mother daughter relationshi p t o he r favorit e brothe r a s the y discus s famil y matters: It's differen t fo r you. . . . Eve r sinc e I bega n t o gro w u p I fel t ther e wa s something abou t Mamm a that would kil l me if I let it. I'v e ha d to fight fo r every single thin g I'v e ever wanted. . . . She doesn't kno w she hates me.. . . And of course she loved me when I was little. She'd love me now if I stayed little s o that she could do what she like d with me... . It's your real self she hates—the thin g she can't see and touc h an d get at—the thin g that makes you different. Eve n when I was little she hated it and tried to crush it.3 41

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The sentiment s expresse d b y thes e fictiona l daughter s represen t opposite emotiona l extreme s o n th e continuu m o f mother-daughte r relationships durin g th e perio d betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Lik e pre scriptive literature , novel s canno t b e presume d t o mirro r th e realit y of women' s experiences , bu t throug h th e examinatio n o f fictional portrayals o f th e mother-daughte r relationship , th e historia n ca n develop insight s o n anothe r level . I n he r recen t stud y of nineteenth century America n fiction, Jan e Tompkin s ha s suggeste d tha t literar y texts shoul d b e viewe d a s "powerfu l example s o f th e wa y a cultur e thinks abou t itself , articulatin g an d proposin g solution s fo r th e prob lems tha t shap e a particula r historica l moment. " Sh e argue s tha t while novel s d o no t necessaril y represen t attempt s t o express eterna l verities, the y d o perfor m a kin d o f "cultura l work " withi n a specifi c historical situation : a novel' s plo t an d character s offe r societ y a wa y to thin k abou t itself ; the y defin e aspect s o f socia l realit y share d b y author an d reader ; an d the y dramatiz e conflict s an d recommen d resolutions.4 Although Tompkins' s framewor k stem s fro m a n effort t o redefin e the natur e o f th e literar y canon , t o refocu s literar y study , an d t o change th e criteri a b y whic h literatur e i s evaluated , he r wor k reso nates importantl y fo r th e historian , particularl y fo r th e historian wh o studies women' s experiences . Tompkin s view s th e formulai c plots , stereotyped characters , commo n language , an d conventiona l device s typical o f th e genr e o f nineteenth-centur y domesti c fiction a s a for m of "cultura l shorthand " tha t offer s key s t o understandin g th e con cerns o f th e reader s o f thes e novel s an d clue s t o thei r popularity. 5 Her analysi s o f nineteenth-centur y fiction i n term s o f it s popula r elements rathe r tha n i n term s o f th e principle s o f contemporar y literary criticis m offer s a n implici t rational e fo r th e us e o f literatur e as a historica l source : if , a s Tompkin s maintains , literar y text s bot h shape an d reflec t th e cultur e fro m whic h the y emerge , the y contai n much tha t i s potentiall y usefu l fo r th e socia l historian—no t i n th e formal propertie s o f th e literar y discourse , bu t i n th e cultura l dat a they ma y reveal . The us e o f fiction a s a sourc e o f historica l dat a i s no t a ne w concept. Wher e a deart h o f materia l ha s hampere d research , fo r example, o n certain aspect s o f th e live s of ordinary people , historian s have relie d o n literatur e t o fill i n th e gaps . Mos t often , the y hav e

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turned t o novel s include d i n th e literar y canon , suc h a s th e work o f Hawthorne o r Dickens . Becaus e a nove l neve r just mirror s reality , however, th e historian' s us e o f literar y evidence ca n b e problematic. 6 As Cath y Davidso n ha s pointe d out , a nove l "i s it s ow n artificiall y framed world , an organized structur e with its own rules and interpre tations."7 I n othe r wordsri t i s a closed syste m create d b y it s author . Because unlik e reality , th e plot , th e characters , an d th e languag e never change , th e manifes t conten t o f a nove l remain s static , whil e the manifes t conten t o f histor y change s a s historian s revis e thei r presentations o f th e pas t throug h th e discover y o f ne w evidenc e an d new approache s t o existin g data . Nevertheless , th e nove l ca n b e use ful t o th e historia n becaus e i t does no t exis t i n a vacuum; th e compo sition, publication , circulation , an d readin g o f th e tex t reflec t th e influence o f cultural forces. 8 Recent revisionis t literar y studie s hav e focuse d th e historian' s at tention o n th e importanc e o f popula r novel s a s oppose d t o thos e included i n th e canon , particularl y nineteenth-centur y women' s fiction, i n bot h expressin g an d shapin g th e socia l contex t o f th e era. 9 Thus, fo r example , Mar y Rya n ha s incorporate d fictional source s into he r historica l overvie w o f nineteenth-centur y America n discus sions o f domesticit y o n th e ground s tha t novel s reache d a larg e national audience , identifie d th e "mos t talked-abou t aspects " o f do mesticity, an d recorde d ho w "ra w individual experienc e . . . was sorte d out, evaluated , assigne d relativ e importance , an d give n a human an d social meaning. " Rya n contend s tha t althoug h th e literar y depictio n of wome n an d th e famil y canno t b e considere d socia l realism , "i t is a valid and intricat e representatio n o f women's past." 10 The contentio n tha t nineteenth-century America n women's literatur e performed importan t "cultura l work " by bot h describin g an d chang ing th e socia l contex t tha t produce d i t suggest s tha t thes e novel s contain interestin g evidenc e regardin g th e histor y o f mother-daugh ter relationships. A n investigation o f th e treatment o f mother-daugh ter interactions i n lat e nineteenth- an d earl y twentieth-centur y work s can hel p t o illuminat e th e natur e o f women' s perceptions , an d possi bly thei r experiences, o f th e relationship . Suc h a study mus t conside r several fundamenta l questions : Ho w di d earlie r nineteenth-centur y novelists portra y thi s aspec t o f famil y life ? Ho w di d novel s tha t ap -

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peared a t th e tur n o f th e centur y an d i n th e earl y decade s o f th e twentieth century dea l with the topic? And finally, do these depiction s reflect th e natur e of women' s actua l experiences ? The numerou s popula r women' s novel s publishe d betwee n 182 0 and 1870 , representativ e o f th e genr e know n a s domesti c fiction, typically relat e th e stor y o f a youn g heroin e face d wit h th e tas k o f making he r ow n wa y i n th e worl d withou t th e emotiona l o r th e financial suppor t sh e ha d expected t o be able to depend upo n to hel p her meet life's challenges. Frequentl y th e heroine is an orphan. Whe n mothers ar e present , the y usuall y appea r a s passive , incompetent , ignorant, o r emotionally an d intellectually undeveloped—a s negativ e role model s o r "target s o f disidentification." 11 Ofte n th e heroin e suffers a t the hands of thos e mor e powerfu l tha n she, but usually he r mother i s no t th e oppressor . I n man y instances , i t is actually th e los s of he r mothe r tha t trigger s he r difficulties , an d th e memor y o f he r mother tha t enables he r t o endure them. 12 In on e sense , th e silencin g o r devaluin g o f mother s i n nineteenth century domesti c fiction contradict s Victoria n famil y ideology , whic h glorified th e ideal o f motherhood. 13 Bu t this ideology also posited th e sacrifice o f selfhoo d i n favo r o f th e materna l role . Henc e th e failing s of fictional mother s mirro r women' s difficultie s i n a worl d wher e rigidly define d femal e an d materna l role s effectivel y foreclose d self development an d involvemen t outsid e th e home , an d thei r absenc e functions a s a n emble m o f thi s powerlessness. 14 Th e imag e o f th e absent o r ineffectiv e mothe r ma y als o symbolize th e persona l experi ences o f femal e author s wh o los t thei r ow n mother s o r foun d the m unsupportive. Throug h thes e type s o f materna l images , then , nine teenth-century novel s emphasize d th e negativ e aspect s o f th e femal e world describe d b y Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg , thu s articulatin g an d proposing solution s fo r th e problem s o f man y participant s i n tha t world. 15 By th e en d o f th e nineteent h century , women' s fiction wa s characterized mor e b y fragmentatio n an d variet y tha n b y th e uniformit y that ha d typifie d th e genr e o f domesti c fiction. 16 Thi s transitio n reflected th e extensiv e change s tha t wer e takin g plac e i n women' s lives. Whil e muc h o f thei r wor k stil l portraye d submissive , domesti c types, novelist s bega n t o introduc e th e "ne w woman " i n th e 1880 s and '90s , an d t o focu s o n th e conflictin g claim s o f motherhoo d an d

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the desir e fo r self-expression. 17 Th e "falle n woman " also functione d as a majo r literar y characte r i n th e popula r fiction o f th e lat e nine teenth century , reflectin g th e contemporar y concer n wit h publi c morals. 18 Th e mother-daughte r relationship , n o longe r represente d primarily throug h th e exclusio n o f th e mother , als o provide d th e theme fo r a numbe r o f nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-centur y nov els. 19 An examinatio n o f fourtee n representativ e novel s publishe d be tween 187 9 an d 192 7 reveal s tha t thes e work s articulate d ke y issue s pertaining t o th e mother-daughte r relationshi p throug h a juxtaposition o f element s o f th e nineteenth-centur y concep t o f motherhoo d with th e realit y o f th e changes occurrin g i n women's live s a t the tur n of th e centur y an d i n th e decade s tha t followed. 20 Severa l recurrin g themes i n thes e novel s sugges t th e complexit y o f th e relationship . Each tex t examine s th e importance o f mother s t o daughters an d vic e versa, an d eac h consider s th e impac t o f societa l prescription s fo r women o n thei r relationship . The author s portra y materna l sacrifice , maternal ineptness , an d mother-daughte r communicatio n problems , usually fro m th e daughter's poin t of view . I n most cases, the novelist s do no t describe supportive mother s who functio n a s devoted mentor s for successfu l "ne w women. " No r d o the y focu s primaril y o n com fortable, contente d mother-daughte r dyad s wh o shar e domesti c in sights an d famil y news . Rather , th e fiction addresse s itsel f mor e t o the examination o f unresolve d dilemma s generated b y the disruptio n of continuit y i n women' s experiences—i n othe r words , t o "cultura l work" tha t remaine d t o b e accomplished . Just a s othe r novel s o f th e era offere d reader s insight s regardin g th e impac t o f th e change s i n women's live s throug h a focu s o n gende r relationship s generall y o r on se x specifically , thes e employed th e mother-daughte r relationshi p to a similar end. 21 The earlies t example , Elizabet h Stuar t Phelp s Ward' s The Story of Avis, whic h wa s first publishe d i n 1879 , encompasse s mos t o f th e themes containe d i n th e othe r novel s examined . Thi s wor k share s with it s nineteenth-centur y predecessor s th e devic e o f a heroine wh o is a motherles s youn g woman , bu t i t als o herald s th e ris e o f mor e modern mother-daughte r issues . Thus i t sets th e stag e appropriatel y for thi s analysis of literar y evidence .

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Avis i s brough t u p b y he r fathe r an d hi s sister , Aun t Chloe , wh o serves a s a sor t o f surrogat e mother , a kin d an d carin g bu t ver y conventional perso n wh o finds i t impossibl e t o imagin e "tha t an y woman coul d mak e hom e happ y withou t bein g abl e t o mak e goo d Graham bread. " Neithe r sh e no r A vis's devote d fathe r ca n under stand th e youn g girl' s desir e t o "be " a n artist . A s sh e ponder s th e contrast between he r aunt's efforts t o prepare her for a life of domes ticity an d he r ow n desir e fo r a different life , Avi s wonder s "i f in th e feeling tha t othe r girl s ha d abou t thei r mother s la y hidde n th e win e which sh e foun d missin g fro m he r youth . Fo r a soul whic h love d he r so tha t i t coul d no t help believing i n her , Avi s coul d hav e dare d th e world. Bu t onl y mothers , sh e supposed , eve r care d fo r a perplexe d and solitar y gir l lik e that." 22 Despit e he r mother' s absence , th e nove l consistently invoke s he r imag e an d emphasize s he r importance . Avi s echoes he r mother's yout h i n her decision t o marry Philip Ostrander, a schola r simila r t o he r father . Lik e he r mother , sh e discover s tha t marriage effectively end s he r ability to express herself , a s the respon sibility o f carin g fo r a husband an d tw o children curtail s her creativ e ability. As he tries to understand hi s daughter's discontent, he r fathe r consistently invoke s th e memor y o f hi s wife : " 'If he r mothe r ha d lived,' h e thought , 'thi s migh t someho w hav e bee n spared. ' When ever Avi s wa s i n an y trouble , h e alway s said , 'I f he r mothe r ha d lived'—." 23 Thi s devic e tell s th e reader , an d th e historian , tha t th e author (an d th e contemporar y culture ) perceive d thi s functio n a s a n essential componen t o f th e mother-daughte r relationship . Avis's feelings fo r her husband's mothe r and for her own daughte r further emphasiz e th e importanc e o f th e mother-daughte r relation ship and als o highlight he r reluctan t recognitio n o f th e natur e of th e male-dominated societ y in which sh e lives . She is distraught when sh e learns abou t Philip' s cavalier dismissal o f hi s mother' s desir e t o shar e her ow n weddin g slipper s wit h he r ne w daughter-in-law , an d sh e intently ponder s th e contras t betwee n he r own reactio n t o her mother in-law's gestur e an d tha t o f he r husband : "Perhap s Phili p coul d no t be expecte d t o kno w wha t a sacrednes s i t woul d hav e adde d t o he r marriage-day t o hav e wor n i t [th e slippers] . Perhap s n o ma n could . Perhaps thi s wa s on e o f th e differences , on e o f th e thing s tha t i t meant t o b e a man , no t t o understan d suc h matters . Gentl y sh e trie d to think so." 24

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Although sh e feel s guilt y abou t he r reaction , Avi s expresses disap pointment whe n he r first child is a son: "If I had a daughter, I shoul d fall dow n an d worshi p her, " she tell s her father . Thi s wis h is fulfille d with th e birt h o f a secon d chil d t o who m sh e give s he r mother-in law's name , Waitstill , clearl y a nam e wit h symboli c significanc e per taining t o he r developin g perceptio n o f th e realit y o f women' s posi tion. Throug h th e myria d o f difficultie s Avi s subsequentl y faces — the illnes s an d deat h o f he r son , he r husband' s infidelity , an d even tually hi s deat h a s well, a sequence o f event s tha t essentiall y remove s the me n fro m he r lif e an d create s a femal e community—sh e i s sus tained b y her daughter's presenc e an d by her own fait h tha t women' s lot will improve: "I t would be easier fo r he r daughter t o be alive, an d be a woman , tha n i t ha d bee n fo r her : s o muc h a s this , sh e under stood; mor e tha n thi s sh e fel t hersel f to o spen t t o question . Sh e folded he r arm s abou t th e littl e girl , an d lai d he r chee k upo n he r hair, and close d he r eyes. She had th e child, sh e ha d th e child." 25 The novel' s depictio n o f it s femal e characters , includin g th e dea d mother's image, underscores a number of issue s relevant to the statu s of wome n an d t o th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n th e lat e nine teenth century . Despit e he r creativit y an d he r aspirations , Avi s finds herself i n th e sam e situatio n a s he r aun t an d he r mother-in-law ; sh e is essentially a prisoner o f domesti c demand s an d mal e prescription s for women' s roles . I n he r emergin g desir e fo r anothe r kin d o f life , she reflect s th e aspiration s o f th e first generatio n o f "ne w woman. " Her father' s convictio n tha t hi s wif e woul d hav e understoo d Avi s highlights th e significanc e o f th e mothe r a s a model an d als o the ide a of a supportiv e femal e community . Avis's ow n recognitio n tha t sh e has misse d somethin g ver y important—tha t onl y one' s mothe r ca n offer unconditiona l lov e an d support—mirror s a basi c feelin g als o expressed b y bot h youn g an d adul t daughter s i n rea l life. 26 Henc e this theme , whic h i s developed furthe r throug h he r devotio n t o he r own daughte r an d he r fait h tha t women' s live s wil l b e easie r i n th e next generation , provide s interestin g evidenc e abou t wha t wa s re garded a s necessary in the mother-daughter relationship . Like th e prescriptiv e literatur e o f th e period , thi s nove l als o ad dresses th e disruptio n o f th e continuit y o f expectation s fo r wome n through th e juxtaposition o f Aun t Chloe' s fea r tha t her niec e "woul d never b e a credi t t o he r . . . an d her life' s wor k woul d simpl y b e

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thrown away, " an d Avis' s lac k o f interes t i n domesti c affairs . Th e threat o f mother-daughte r conflic t growin g ou t o f generationa l dis continuity i s clear: "Aun t Chlo e wa s of quit e a s unselfish a temper a s the mos t o f us ; bu t sh e foun d i t har d sometime s t o trac e th e exac t distinction betwee n Avis' s goo d an d he r ow n glory." 27 Th e novel' s conclusion i s no t optimisti c abou t th e possibilit y tha t mother s wil l b e able t o hel p daughter s avoi d th e problem s the y hav e faced : eve n a s Avis hope s an d believe s tha t lif e wil l b e easie r fo r he r daughter , th e child hand s he r a boo k an d ask s he r t o read . Th e stor y sh e ha s chosen, th e tal e o f Si r Lancelo t an d Si r Galahad , represent s a warn ing tha t he r generation , lik e he r mother's , remain s vulnerabl e t o a n ideology tha t teache s wome n tha t thei r ultimat e destin y wil l b e ful filled b y a knight o n a white horse. 28 Through th e portraya l o f thre e dissimila r relationships , Mar y Wil kins Freeman' s Pembroke, first published i n 1894 , suggest s tha t nine teenth-century gende r ideolog y coul d affec t mother-daughte r inter actions i n fundamentall y differen t ways . Charlotte Barnard' s mothe r cannot brin g herself t o defy he r husban d whe n h e orders her daugh ter's fiance, Barnaba s Thayer , t o leav e thei r home , thu s terminatin g the engagement : "It' s jest hi s way, " sh e observes . Sh e i s tearfu l an d distraught a s sh e look s a t Charlott e "wit h piteou s appeal, " seekin g both he r acquiescence an d he r understanding . As Mrs. Barnar d lament s he r daughter' s situation , sh e als o voice s discontent wit h th e natur e o f he r ow n life : " I can't hel p it . . . . I fee l worse abou t yo u tha n i f i t wa s myself , an ' there's s o muc h t o pu t u p with besides. I don't fee l a s if I could pu t up with things much longer , nohow." 29 He r inabilit y t o challeng e he r husban d despit e he r sym pathy fo r Charlott e illustrate s th e exten t t o which she ha s assimilated a sociall y assigne d role . Th e dispirite d commen t abou t puttin g u p with "things " reveals he r recognitio n o f a growing dissatisfactio n fo r which sh e know s n o remedy . Because sh e is unable to reestablish he r relationship with Barnaba s in a socially acceptable fashion , Charlott e defies bot h her mother an d social convention t o assist him after hi s mother's death and nurse hi m when h e i s il l himself . Whe n sh e finally give s he r unuse d weddin g clothes t o he r old-mai d aun t whos e long-ter m suito r ha s literall y rescued he r e n rout e t o th e poo r house , i t i s he r mothe r wh o crie s

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over th e "poo r slighte d weddin g clothes " an d bemoan s th e fac t tha t Charlotte ha s refuse d th e attention s o f anothe r suitor . Despit e he r concern fo r he r daughter , lik e th e silen t mother s i n earlie r nine teenth-century novel s Mrs . Barnar d canno t challeng e th e conven tions tha t defin e he r life . T o d o s o woul d threate n he r relationshi p with he r husban d an d woul d als o negat e th e meanin g o f he r ow n existence. Charlott e expresse s n o overt resentment ove r her mother' s ineffectual behavior , bu t sh e quietl y an d resolutel y pursue s he r ow n course. The relationshi p betwee n Charlotte' s cousin , Ros e Berry , an d he r mother, wh o ar e linked b y a common fram e o f reference , present s a striking contras t t o tha t of Mrs . Barnard an d Charlotte . Ros e accept s the rol e she ha s been assigned an d aspires to a conventional domesti c life. Whe n th e newl y available Barnaba s Thayer doe s no t reciprocat e her interest , sh e i s conten t t o marr y anothe r man , a n employe e i n her family' s store . Ros e an d he r mothe r ar e unite d b y thei r share d acceptance o f th e constraint s o f domesticit y an d o f th e mysteriou s foibles o f th e opposit e sex , a s in thei r reactio n t o Mr . Berry's sudde n change of hear t regarding his previous insistence on charging friend s to pic k cherrie s i n th e family' s orchard : " Tather say s I ca n hav e a cherry party , an d the y needn' t pa y anything. ' 'H e didn't! ' 'Yes , h e did.' They looke d int o each other's eyes, with silent renewals of doub t and affirmation." 30 The novel' s third mother-daughte r combination , Debora h Thaye r (the mothe r o f Charlott e Barnard' s stubbor n fiance) an d Rebecc a (who i s i n lov e wit h Ros e Berry' s brothe r William) , present s anothe r variant o f th e relationship . Unlik e Mrs. Barnar d an d Mrs . Berry , Mrs. Thayer , a stern , rigi d woma n with a henpecke d husband , dis plays n o understandin g whatsoeve r o f he r daughter' s need s an d desires. A s a result , Rebecc a Thaye r i s drive n t o th e ver y behavio r that her mother fear s th e most . Mrs. Thaye r consistentl y accuse s Rebecc a o f unbecomin g behav ior, bu t neve r reall y suspect s tha t sh e i s actually sneakin g ou t o f th e house a t nigh t t o mee t Willia m Berry . Sh e adamantl y defend s he r maternal righ t t o interfer e i n he r daughter' s life. 31 Eventuall y th e young woma n i s force d int o marriage , althoug h paradoxically , de spite th e intensit y o f thei r clandestin e relationship , sh e ha s resiste d William's urgin g fo r som e time . Rebecca' s action s reflec t he r distres s

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and confusio n ove r th e tota l absenc e o f materna l understanding , which ha s compelle d he r t o carr y o n a secre t liaison . Sh e punishe s both hersel f an d he r mothe r b y refusing , fo r a s long a s she possibl y can, t o legitimate he r union . By illustrating severa l ways in which societa l prescriptions fo r wome n could shap e mother-daughte r interactions , Pembroke, whic h appeare d fifteen year s afte r The Story of Avis, suggest s th e presenc e o f increas ing complexit y i n th e relationshi p ove r time . Charlott e Barnard' s weak, passiv e mothe r ha s bee n rendere d completel y ineffectual , whil e Rebecca Thayer' s domineerin g mothe r ha s becom e a destructive forc e in he r daughter' s life , an d Ros e Berry' s mothe r ha s raise d a clone o f herself. Ros e i s content t o conform t o the expectations o f her mothe r and societ y i n traditiona l nineteenth-centur y fashion , bu t both Char lotte an d Rebecc a ultimatel y def y thei r mothers , subtl y ye t conclu sively. Fo r Charlotte , defianc e result s i n a sor t o f victory , fo r sh e remains he r ow n perso n i n th e fac e o f bot h mal e stubbornnes s an d maternal ineffectiveness . Rebecca' s situatio n remain s unresolve d un til afte r th e death s o f he r first chil d an d bot h o f he r parents , whe n she finally seem s t o hav e achieve d a degre e o f contentmen t o n he r own terms . A completel y differen t pictur e o f mother-daughte r interaction s i n this transitional er a emerges i n Sarah Orn e Jewett's The Country of the Pointed Firs. Her e th e relationshi p i s characterized b y the empatheti c communication an d mutua l understandin g tha t exis t betwee n sixty seven-year-old Mrs . Almira Todd an d he r mother Mrs. Blackett, wh o is still health y an d activ e a t the ag e o f eighty-seven . Thei r intimac y i s revealed a s the novel' s narrato r an d Mrs . Todd arriv e by boat on th e island wher e Mrs. Blacket t lives , an d th e daughte r discerns , wit h evident pleasure , a tin y figure wavin g t o them . " 'How d o yo u sup pose sh e know s it' s me? ' said Mrs . Todd , wit h a tender smil e o n he r broad face . 'There , yo u neve r ge t ove r bein' a child long' s you hav e a mother t o g o to. ' " Mother an d daughte r gree t on e another , ostensi bly withou t emotion , bu t th e narrato r note s tha t "the y stoo d an d beamed i n each other's faces." 32 The wome n teas e on e anothe r affectionatel y abou t bein g ou t o f breath a s the y procee d u p th e stee p hil l fro m th e wate r t o Mrs. Blackett's house . Mrs . Tod d i s surprise d an d prou d t o find tha t he r

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mother ha s manage d t o tur n th e parlo r carpe t wit h onl y minima l assistance fro m he r son : "There , wha t d o yo u thin k o ' havin ' such a mother a s tha t fo r eighty-si x year s old? " sh e exclaim s whil e he r mother assume s " a sudde n loo k o f youth." 33 Whe n th e narrato r expresses he r ow n pleasur e a t bein g o n th e island , Mrs . Blacket t cordially invite s he r t o retur n an y time , bu t sh e observe s withou t rancor tha t he r daughte r woul d b e restles s i f sh e ha d t o liv e there : "You wante d mor e scope , didn' t you , yo u Almiry. " Althoug h sh e concedes tha t "folk s wonder s tha t w e don' t liv e together, " an d tha t eventually th e "tim e o ' sickness an * failin' " may forc e the m t o do so , she relishe s he r ow n independenc e an d doe s no t resen t he r daugh ter's autonomy. 34 Unlike th e mother-daughte r interaction s depicte d i n The Story of Avis an d Pembroke, the constraint s o f patriarcha l societ y d o no t see m to intrude o n th e relationshi p between Mrs. Todd an d Mrs . Blackett . The mal e character s i n th e nove l remai n periphera l t o th e femal e community, eve n i n th e contex t o f a famil y reunio n tha t Josephin e Donovan ha s describe d a s a "matriarcha l happening, " wher e Mrs . Blackett i s th e cente r o f attention . Donova n suggest s tha t thi s nove l responded t o th e transitions occurring in women's lives at the turn o f the centur y b y expressin g th e desir e o f lat e nineteenth-centur y wome n to preserv e " a transcending matriarcha l realm, " the femal e worl d o f love an d ritua l documente d b y Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg . A s a n ex ample o f imaginativ e realism , The Country of the Pointed Firs contain s figures an d force s tha t represen t "somethin g beyon d themselves." 35 Thus th e perfec t harmon y an d th e wordless communication betwee n mother an d daughte r represen t an d exto l th e tightl y kni t femal e community, whos e cor e wa s th e mother-daughte r relationship , tha t existed befor e th e adven t o f th e "ne w woman." Unlike Pembroke, this novel, publishe d i n 1896 , also highlights th e strength of that relationship, a s Mrs . Blackett' s comfortabl e acceptanc e o f he r daughter' s desire fo r "mor e scope " suggest s tha t generationa l difference s i n opportunity an d aspiration s nee d no t invariabl y weake n th e mother daughter bond . Two late r novels , bot h publishe d i n 1915 , ech o Jewett' s them e o f maternal toleranc e an d suppor t fo r daughters ' aspirations , bu t lik e The Story of Avis an d Pembroke, the y highligh t th e disruptio n o f th e

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traditional femal e community . Will a Cather's The Song of the Lark and Dorothy Canfiel d Fisher' s The Bent Twig depic t bot h strength s i n th e mother-daughter relationshi p an d challenge s t o i t i n th e contex t o f the change s tha t wer e takin g plac e i n women' s lives . Thes e novel s portray supportiv e fictional mothers , bu t the y als o emphasiz e th e complexity o f the relationshi p even whe n conflict i s not the dominan t mode o f interaction . The Song of the Lark relate s th e experience s o f The a Kronberg , a talented youn g woma n whos e devote d mothe r alway s foun d he r mor e interesting tha n an y o f he r othe r childre n an d "too k her mor e seri ously, withou t thinkin g muc h abou t wh y sh e di d so." 36 Mrs . Kron berg ha s n o qualm s abou t he r decisio n t o sen d The a t o Chicag o t o study musi c whe n th e opportunit y arises , and he r husban d defer s t o her judgment. Bu t sh e als o realize s tha t th e experienc e wil l chang e her daughter: " 'She won't come back a little girl,' Mrs. Kronberg sai d to her husband." 37 This predictio n i s correct. O n he r firs t visi t home, The a definitel y seems different, althoug h sh e is still receptive to her mother's interes t and attention : "Ther e wa s n o sha m abou t he r mother.. . . She like d her mother." 38 Th e chang e i s even mor e obviou s whe n Thea spend s the summer a t home. A s always, her mother defends her , but the res t of th e famil y finds he r demeanor incomprehensible . Sh e realizes tha t she n o longe r ha s anythin g i n commo n with he r siblings , wh o see m now t o b e "amon g th e peopl e who m sh e ha d alway s recognize d a s her natura l enemies . Thei r ambition s an d sacre d proprietie s wer e meaningless t o her. " She perceive s to o tha t even he r mother , who m she stil l care s for , remain s a n integra l par t o f th e famil y whil e sh e herself i s n o longe r involved , an d thi s perceptio n create s a barrie r between them : "I n th e natur e o f things , he r mothe r ha d t o b e o n both sides." 39 In respons e t o thi s sens e o f emotiona l distance , The a effectivel y withdraws fro m th e family , an d thu s fro m th e traditiona l femal e world o f domesticity . Thi s withdrawa l presage s th e dilemm a sh e ultimately confront s a s sh e i s force d t o choos e betwee n he r mothe r and he r caree r i n a particularl y painfu l manner . Whe n Mrs . Kron berg collapses afte r he r husband' s death , Thea i s in Germany, wher e she i s performin g th e rol e o f Elizabet h i n Tannhause r fo r th e first time, an d sh e canno t leave : "She wante d t o g o t o he r mothe r mor e

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than she wanted anything else in the world, but, unless she failed — which she would not—she absolutely could not leave Dresden for six months. I t was not tha t she chose t o stay; she ha d t o stay—o r los e everything. . . . A s soon as she was free, sh e would g o to Moonston e and take her mother back to Germany with her." The decision t o remain in Dresden effectively insure s Thea's professional future , ye t it is disastrous in a personal sense . He r mother, recognizing th e realit y of th e situation, observes: "The children yo u don't especiall y need , yo u hav e always wit h you , lik e th e poor . Bu t the bright ones get away from you. They have their own way to make in the world."40 Mrs. Kronberg's memories are not enough to sustain her, and she dies without seeing her daughter again. Although Thea's career prospers , he r persona l lif e i s empty , an d th e impac t o f he r mother's death endures: "I've only a few friends, but I can lose every one o f them , i f i t has to be," she comments. " I learned ho w t o los e when my mother died."41 In The Song of the Lark, the stron g mother-daughte r bond s por trayed i n The Country of the Pointed Firs are complicate d b y factor s outside the domestic setting, reflecting the changes imposed by societal development s durin g th e nearl y twent y year s tha t separat e th e publication of thes e works. Mrs. Kronberg recognizes that Thea ha s moved int o a wider world, and she sadl y acknowledges th e implications o f thi s transition . The nove l doe s no t resolv e Thea' s dilemm a with a last-minute dash to her mother's bedside and a happy ending. Rather, i t traces her movement away from he r family , whic h culminates in th e conflic t betwee n he r obligations t o the mothe r wh o has supported an d fostere d he r aspirations, and her commitment t o the professional lif e her mother has helped her to achieve. Thea's story, which moves beyond the hints of change in women's aspirations an d experience s suggeste d i n th e earlie r novels , distill s the essenc e o f th e "ne w woman's " struggle t o reconcil e a growin g sense o f he r ow n potentia l a s a n independen t individua l wit h he r family ties , especiall y he r feeling s fo r he r mother . Throug h Mrs . Kronberg's plaintiv e recognitio n an d acceptanc e o f th e realit y tha t "the brigh t one s ge t awa y fro m you, " th e nove l als o depict s th e combination of pride and pain that a mother might experience if she understood an d fostered a talented daughter's ambitions. While The Song of the Lark suggests that conflict did not necessarily define mother-

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daughter relationship s i n th e er a o f th e "ne w woman," the nove l als o indicates tha t th e cos t of materna l mentorin g coul d b e significan t fo r both mother s an d daughters . Like The a Kronberg , Sylvi a Marshall , th e college-studen t heroin e o f Dorothy Canfiel d Fisher' s The Bent Twig, enjoy s th e assistanc e an d encouragement o f a frank, approachabl e mothe r wh o trust s he r an d respects he r privacy . Sylvi a love s he r an d admire s he r strength , ye t she regard s he r mothe r a s a difficul t rol e model , an d i n som e way s identifies mor e wit h he r father : " I couldn' t liv e lik e her , withou t wanting t o smas h everythin g up . She' s somebod y tha t Senec a woul d have liked." 42 The nove l trace s Sylvia' s painfu l developmen t a s sh e graduall y rejects th e materialistic , superficia l value s embrace d b y th e socia l se t at th e university , an d als o b y he r fashionable , widowe d aunt , an d learns t o appreciat e th e mor e substantia l an d fundamenta l value s espoused b y he r mother . Lik e The a Kronberg , Sylvi a i s i n Europ e when sh e learn s tha t he r mothe r ha s died , bu t unlik e Thea , sh e returns hom e immediatel y t o loo k afte r he r distraugh t fathe r an d t o come t o terms with a loss that seems incomprehensibl e a t first. As Sylvi a remember s he r relationshi p with he r mother , sh e view s their interaction s wit h a ne w maturity : "Al l th e tim e I wa s growin g up, I wa s blind , I didn' t se e anything . I don' t fee l remorseful , I suppose tha t i s th e wa y childre n hav e t o be . Bu t I didn' t se e her . There wer e s o man y mino r difference s betwee n u s . . . tastes, inter ests. I alway s sai d hatefull y t o mysel f tha t mothe r didn' t understan d me. An d i t wa s tru e too . A s i f i t matters ! Wha t if sh e didn't!" 43 Sh e finds meanin g i n her own existence as she develops an understandin g of th e meanin g o f he r mother' s life : "Sh e live d he r life . An d ther e i t is now, ther e it always will be for me , food fo r me to live on. I though t she ha d died . Bu t sh e ha s neve r bee n s o livin g fo r me . She' s par t o f me now , fo r always . An d just becaus e I se e th e meanin g o f he r life , why there' s th e meanin g o f min e a s clea r a s morning." 44 I n thi s novel, materna l influenc e triumph s a s the heroin e belatedly bu t deci sively acknowledge s th e importanc e o f th e positiv e mode l provide d by a competent , supportiv e mothe r wh o understand s th e pressure s experienced b y he r daughter . Sylvia' s final decisio n t o marr y a ma n who, lik e he r mother , care s mor e fo r natur e an d beaut y tha n fo r

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material possessions , complete s th e youn g woman' s development. 45 Thus The Bent Twig, lik e various contemporar y advic e manuals , con veys the messag e tha t even in the context of dangerou s outsid e influ ences, a capabl e mothe r ca n maintai n a health y connectio n wit h he r daughter. With th e exceptio n o f Pembroke, th e precedin g example s affir m th e centrality o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p fo r women' s live s i n relatively positiv e term s u p to , an d eve n after , th e tur n o f th e cen tury. Bu t othe r work s that appeared concurrentl y offe r a sharp con trast i n thei r manifestl y negativ e portrayal s o f mother-daughte r in teractions. Mar y Austin' s A Woman of Genius present s a graphic pictur e of a n almos t unbridgeabl e ga p between th e heroine , Olivia , a n aspir ing actress , an d th e conventional , distant , uncommunicativ e mothe r who offer s he r untraditiona l daughte r neithe r affectio n no r under standing. Thei r taste s an d interest s diffe r completely , an d Olivia' s efforts t o convers e wit h he r mothe r abou t thing s tha t bothe r her — relationships wit h boy s an d later , th e connectio n betwee n marriag e and maternity—ar e singularl y unsuccessful. 46 After he r mothe r suffer s a seriou s stroke , thei r communicatio n improves, althoug h Olivi a realize s tha t the y wil l neve r b e full y i n touch wit h on e another : "I t gre w upo n m e durin g th e day s o f m y mother's illnes s tha t ther e wa s a kind o f intrinsi c wort h i n he r whic h I, wit h al l m y powers , mus t foreve r an d inalienabl y miss. " Neverthe less, the y finally develo p a commo n bond : "W e wer e tw o women , together a t last , m y mothe r an d I , an d coul d hav e speec h wit h on e another." 47 Thei r ne w abilit y t o communicat e prompt s he r mothe r to confes s th e fea r tha t Olivia' s rebelliou s behavio r stem s fro m th e fact tha t sh e ha d no t wante d anothe r chil d whe n he r daughte r wa s born: "Yo u crie d al l th e tim e whe n yo u wer e little , Olivia , an d i t was I that was crying in you. I'v e expected som e punishmen t woul d com e of it. " However, Olivi a assures he r tha t she understand s an d tha t sh e is comfortabl e wit h he r ow n unconventiona l traits. 48 Thi s conversa tion represent s thei r final reconciliation , fo r althoug h he r mothe r lives fo r nearl y tw o years , ironicall y anothe r strok e deprive s he r o f the ability t o speak befor e Olivi a sees he r again. Unlike The Song of the Lark in which the heroine enjoy s the suppor t of a mothe r wh o i s instrumenta l i n he r professiona l development ,

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this nove l weave s over t mother-daughte r antagonis m int o th e large r conflict betwee n women' s ne w caree r aspiration s an d traditiona l do mestic values . Olivi a resent s he r mother' s preferentia l treatmen t o f her brother . Sh e i s unhapp y i n th e conventiona l marriag e sh e en tered a s a resul t o f materna l pressure , an d sh e i s frustrate d b y he r own inabilit y t o seriousl y pursu e a n actin g career . Afte r he r hus band's death , sh e reject s th e opportunit y t o marr y he r firs t rea l lov e and car e fo r hi s childre n i n favo r o f th e chanc e t o devot e hersel f t o the stage . Althoug h sh e eventuall y understand s he r mothe r mor e clearly, an d recognize s tha t th e conflic t betwee n conventiona l expec tations an d he r chose n wa y o f lif e i s no t just a produc t of he r moth er's narrowness , Olivi a neve r reall y identifie s wit h her . Th e distanc e between the m mirror s th e generatio n ga p tha t characterize d th e female worl d a t the tur n of th e century . The absenc e o f materna l suppor t an d a positive maternal mode l doe s not dete r Olivi a permanentl y fro m achievin g he r goals , bu t i t ha s disastrous effect s o n Lil y Bart , th e protagonis t o f Edit h Wharton' s The House of Mirth, publishe d i n 1905 . Completel y dominate d b y he r mother's materialisti c value s an d fea r o f "dinginess, " th e beautifu l young woma n spend s he r entir e adul t lif e travelin g t o th e home s o f frivolous friends , playin g bridge , helpin g wit h socia l duties , an d searching fo r th e righ t wealth y ma n t o marry . Althoug h Lil y ha s a sense tha t there ar e other values—for example , she sympathizes wit h her father' s interes t i n poetry—sh e i s unabl e t o mov e beyon d th e influence o f a mother wh o resent s he r husband's financial limitation s and regard s he r daughter's beaut y as a social commodity. 49 To Mrs . Bart , th e wors t fat e i n th e worl d i s "t o liv e lik e pigs, " which i s th e wa y sh e characterize s th e live s o f relative s wh o inhabi t dingy house s an d emplo y frump y maids . Lil y take s prid e i n he r mother's abilit y t o avoi d thi s fat e despit e th e family' s precariou s finances. Afte r he r husband' s bankruptc y furthe r curtail s he r abilit y to maintai n he r standards , Mrs. Bar t i s consoled onl y b y her daugh ter's beauty , "th e las t asse t i n thei r fortunes , th e nucleu s aroun d which their life was to be rebuilt." But she soon recognizes the futilit y of thi s hop e an d die s "o f a dee p disgust " tw o year s afte r he r hus band's death , bu t no t befor e adjurin g Lil y t o avoi d dingines s a t al l

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costs: "Don' t le t i t cree p u p o n yo u an d dra g yo u down . Figh t you r way out o f i t somehow—youVe youn g and ca n do it." 50 Because sh e i s so susceptible t o her mother's influence , Lil y canno t move beyond th e latter's materialistic aspirations to build a n indepen dent lif e fo r herself . Afte r sh e learn s th e smal l siz e o f a legac y sh e has expecte d fro m he r aunt , sh e ca n n o longe r fac e he r empt y life . She finally escapes, no t in the way her mother ha d hoped , bu t throug h an overdos e o f sleepin g medicin e tha t kill s her . The House of Mirth places th e responsibilit y fo r a daughter's failing s mor e directl y i n he r mother's la p tha n an y o f th e othe r novel s examined . Mrs. Bart' s shallow exampl e lead s Lil y to rui n he r own life , an d finally t o end it , as throug h he r suicid e sh e fulfill s he r mother' s adjuratio n t o "figh t your wa y ou t o f i t somehow." Through th e portraya l o f Lily' s empt y existence, th e nove l indict s Mrs . Bar t fo r he r espousa l o f th e vapi d social value s tha t ultimatel y destro y he r daughter , bu t th e conspicu ous absenc e o f integrit y tha t distinguishe s mos t o f th e othe r charac ters indicts the society tha t fosters thos e value s as well. The protagonists ' mother s i n Elle n Glasgow' s Virginia an d Life with Gabriella also serve a s negative rol e models , "specter s o f th e expecte d female," t o th e detrimen t o f thei r daughters ' ow n lives. 51 Virgini a Pendleton neve r question s he r mother' s self-sacrificin g martyrdom : "She le t he r mothe r slav e over he r becaus e sh e ha d bee n bor n int o a world wher e th e slavin g o f mother s wa s a par t o f th e natura l order , and sh e ha d no t ye t becom e independen t enoug h t o questio n th e morality o f th e commonplace." 52 No r doe s sh e eve r achiev e tha t independence. Instead , sh e systematicall y destroy s he r ow n person hood an d alienate s he r husban d b y replicatin g he r mother' s single minded devotio n t o motherhood with the latter's encouragement an d approval. Diml y recognizin g he r ow n predicament , Virgini a ob serves, "Something ha s gone ou t of me." 53 While Mrs. Pendleto n succeed s a t leas t a s a mode l o f materna l martyrdom, th e widowe d mothe r o f th e heroin e i n Life with Gabriella is completely inept : "Thoug h Mrs . Car r worke d ever y instan t o f he r time, excep t th e fe w hour s whe n sh e la y i n be d tryin g t o sleep , an d the few minute s whe n sh e sa t at th e tabl e tryin g t o eat , nothin g tha t she bega n wa s eve r finished until Gabriell a too k i t out o f he r hands .

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She di d he r bes t . . . ye t throug h som e tragi c perversit y o f fat e he r best seeme d alway s t o fal l shor t o f th e simples t requirement s o f life." 54 Unlik e Virgini a Pendleton , wh o accept s he r mother' s injunc tion tha t i t is a woman's dut y t o sacrific e herself , Gabriell a reject s th e traditional feminin e value s tha t he r mothe r represents . Despit e he r own difficulties , whic h includ e a broke n marriag e an d th e proble m of supportin g hersel f an d tw o children , Gabriell a rarel y become s discouraged. Sh e copes successfully whil e her mother remains dependent o n th e charity of relatives . Neither Virginia nor Gabriella engages in conflict with her mother , and bot h remai n sympathetic , attentiv e daughters . Whe n her mothe r dies, Virgini a remember s he r childhoo d fea r o f losin g her , an d sh e realizes tha t thi s loss wil l always b e with he r in the future : "Whateve r the year s brough t t o her , the y coul d neve r brin g a lov e lik e he r mother's. . . . ' I hav e m y childre n stil l left—bu t fo r m y childre n I could no t live! ' " she thinks . Fo r Gabriella a s well, th e though t o f he r mother's deat h "ha d bee n th e mos t terribl e nightmar e o f he r child hood." Thi s memor y restrain s he r whe n sh e i s tempte d t o spea k crossly t o Mrs. Carr. 55 Both novel s chart mother-daughte r conflic t throug h th e nex t gen eration a s thei r protagonist s experienc e seriou s difficultie s wit h thei r own daughters . Virgini a i s distresse d b y he r oldes t daughte r Lucy' s decision t o marr y a ma n sh e barel y knows , b y th e apparen t lac k o f sentiment an d romanc e involved , an d b y Lucy' s careless dismissa l o f these concerns . Sh e feel s a s i f ther e ar e "profoun d disturbance s beneath th e familia r surfac e o f life." 56 Sh e i s equally puzzle d b y he r younger daughte r Jenny's desir e t o g o t o colleg e an d b y he r effort s to explain moder n idea s abou t women' s roles . Jenny's regula r letter s reflect he r sens e o f dut y rathe r tha n an y genuin e rappor t wit h Vir ginia, whil e Lucy' s infrequent communication s appea r only when sh e needs somethin g fro m he r mother. 57 Th e yawnin g gulf of misunder standing betwee n thes e youn g wome n an d thei r mothe r testifie s t o Mrs. Pendleton' s strong , negativ e influenc e a s a rol e mode l fo r Vir ginia. I n embracin g he r ow n mother' s old-fashione d ideas , sh e ha s distanced hersel f irreparabl y fro m Luc y an d Jenny , t o who m suc h ideas are completely incomprehensible . Despite he r ow n ostensibl y untraditiona l ideas , Gabriell a als o ha s no rappor t wit h her spoiled , beautifu l daughte r Fanny , who , like he r

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grandmother, lack s her mother's strength o f character : "The y were so differen t tha t ther e wa s littl e rea l sympath y betwee n them , an d confidences fro m daughte r t o mother mus t spring , sh e knew , fro m fulness of sympathy." Like the bewildered Virginia, whose only comfort is her son Harry , Gabriella too develops a strong bond with her son Archibald. Unlik e Virginia , however , sh e als o establishes a new, adult relationship on her own terms with an attractive though unpolished man. 58 Throug h th e protagonists ' troubled relationship s wit h their ow n daughters , thes e novel s highligh t th e long-ter m negativ e impact of the social ideology that engendered the impotence demonstrated by their mothers. Two late r novel s b y Edit h Wharton, The Old Maid and The Mother's Recompense, publishe d respectivel y i n 192 4 an d 1925 , examin e th e effects o f suc h ideolog y fro m th e poin t o f vie w o f mother s rathe r than daughters. I n The Old Maid, a young woma n wh o ha s borne a child outside of marriage is forced to give up both her own independence an d he r clai m t o he r daughte r i n orde r fo r th e latte r t o b e accepted b y society. 59 The combination o f th e social stigma attached to her behavior, and her love for her child, compels Charlotte Lovell to accept the offer o f her wealthy widowed cousin, Deli a Ralston , to provide a home for hersel f and the little girl, Tina, who has no idea who he r rea l mothe r is . Ironically , a s sh e grow s u p i n th e Ralsto n home, th e littl e gir l regard s Charlott e a s a n ol d mai d aun t an d actually thinks affectionately o f Deli a as her mother. When he r cousin (who was once in love with the child's father) convince s Charlott e to agree t o a formal adoptio n i n order to elevate he r daughter's status from tha t of a "foundling," she feels as though she has been robbed of her child, although she realizes that she really has no other choice. On the eve of Tina's wedding, Delia proposes to offer her adopted daughter som e motherl y advic e concernin g he r "ne w dutie s an d responsibilities," but Charlotte insists that it is her right to initiate this discussion. Yet she can find no way to approach Tina without revealing the secret both women have kept for over twenty years, and she concedes: "It' s n o use . Yo u wer e right : there' s nothin g I ca n say . You're her rea l mother . G o to her. It' s not your fault—o r mine." 60 Hence, a s her daughter i s about to embark o n th e respectabl e mar ried life made possible only by her natural mother' s sacrifices, Char-

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lotte recognize s tha t neithe r sh e no r Deli a i s responsibl e fo r th e situation. The y ar e captive s o f th e hypocritical , patriarcha l socia l system tha t ha s effectively determine d th e natur e of he r relationshi p with Tin a fro m th e momen t sh e wa s born . He r onl y compensatio n for her selflessness lie s in the secret knowledge that , as a good mothe r should, sh e ha s insure d he r daughter' s happines s throug h he r sacri fices, an d i n Delia' s reques t t o Tin a tha t sh e giv e he r las t kis s t o "Aunt" Charlotte befor e sh e leaves hom e a s a bride. Like The Old Maid, The Mother's Recompense also examines the motherdaughter relationshi p throug h th e them e o f materna l sacrific e pre cipitated b y a woman' s unconventiona l behavior . Kat e Clephan e ha s resided a s a n expatriat e o n th e Frenc h Rivier a sinc e sh e lef t he r husband an d three-year-ol d daughte r Anne t o live with another man . She return s a t Anne' s invitatio n an d finds a beautiful, mature , sym pathetic youn g woma n determine d t o restor e he r mothe r t o he r rightful place . Thei r reunio n proceed s smoothly . Kat e finds peac e and joy i n he r daughter' s presence , an d Ann e take s pleasur e i n he r mother's attractiv e appearanc e an d i n th e opportunit y t o confid e i n her. 61 Although i t appears that Kate has been reinstated both as a mother and a s a membe r o f respectabl e societ y despit e he r earlie r reckles s behavior, this resolution is only temporary. He r transgressions retur n to haun t he r whe n a youn g ma n wit h who m sh e ha s ha d a seriou s love affai r reappear s a s Anne' s fiance. Lik e Charlott e Lovel l i n The Old Maid, Kat e face s a n agonizin g dilemma ; sh e realize s tha t sh e wil l lose th e daughte r whos e lif e sh e ha s reentere d s o recentl y whethe r she tell s th e trut h o r keep s thi s terribl e secret . Kate' s unsuccessfu l attempts t o separat e th e youn g coupl e inevitabl y engende r he r daughter's hostility , an d thei r newl y establishe d rappor t i s irrepara bly damage d a s th e distraugh t youn g woma n exclaims : "Yo u don' t know me ; you don't understand me . What right have you to interfer e with m y happiness . . . . I t was m y ow n faul t t o imagine tha t w e coul d ever liv e lik e mothe r an d daughter . A relatio n lik e tha t can' t b e improvised i n a day." 62 Kate finds i t impossible t o kee p he r secre t an d stil l remai n par t o f her daughter' s life. 63 Lik e Charlott e Lovell , sh e realize s tha t sh e ca n retain he r daughte r onl y b y givin g he r up , an d sh e return s t o th e same rootles s existenc e sh e ha d endure d earlier . Despit e previou s

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indications t o th e contrary , he r recompens e i s no t th e retur n t o a comfortable lif e a t home , bu t th e contrastin g fate s o f permanen t separation, bot h physica l an d emotional , fro m th e daughte r wh o ha s become s o importan t t o her , an d th e preservatio n o f he r indepen dence an d her privat e past . Three final example s offer interestin g literar y representation s o f th e mother-daughter relationshi p i n setting s tha t diffe r significand y fro m those depicte d i n th e othe r novel s examined . Mar y Wilkin s Free man's The Portion of Labor, published i n 1901 , resemble s The Song of the Lark an d The Bent Twig i n som e aspect s o f it s presentatio n o f a mother-daughter relationship , bu t i t differ s significantl y fro m thes e novels i n it s focu s o n th e problem s o f working-clas s peopl e whos e lives cente r o n th e sho e factor y i n whic h the y ar e employed , an d it s pervasive emphasi s o n th e them e o f materna l sacrifice . Lik e Sylvi a Marshall, wh o is influenced b y her attractive aunt, Freeman' s protag onist, Ellen , i s draw n t o a beautiful , sophisticate d woman , Cynthi a Lennox, whos e imag e contrast s with tha t o f Fanny , he r plain , hard working mother . Lik e The a Kronberg , Elle n face s a choice betwee n family loyalt y an d he r ow n future , i n thi s cas e th e opportunit y fo r a college education , whic h Mis s Lenno x ha s offere d t o provide . Bu t Ellen's dilemm a i s complicate d b y he r mother' s consumin g desir e t o keep he r beautifu l daughte r ou t o f th e factor y n o matte r wha t th e cost. Fanny's willingnes s t o sacrific e he r ow n personhoo d fo r he r daughter's welfar e echoe s th e nineteenth-centur y ideolog y o f moth erhood: " 'What, afte r all , di d i t matter? ' sh e aske d herself , 'i f a woman wa s growing old, if she had t o work hard , if she di d no t kno w where th e nex t dolla r wa s comin g from , i f al l th e direc t persona l savor wa s fas t passin g ou t o f existence , whe n on e ha d a daughte r who looke d lik e that? ' M64 Sh e ardentl y wishe s tha t sh e hersel f wer e different s o sh e coul d b e mor e o f a n asse t t o thi s marvelou s youn g woman. 65 As Ellen considers he r benefactor's offe r t o pa y fo r he r education , she reassure s he r mothe r (an d hersel f a s well ) tha t "ther e i s nobod y in th e whol e worl d t o m e lik e m y ow n mother . . . . I t isn' t bein g beautiful, no r speaking in a soft voice, nor dressing well, it's the bein g you—you. Yo u kno w I love you best.. . and I always will." 66 Despit e

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Fanny's ferven t hope s t o th e contrary , Elle n find s i t impossibl e t o repudiate eithe r he r mothe r o r he r clas s b y accepting Mis s Lennox' s sponsorship, an d sh e decide s t o g o t o work i n the factory . He r mothe r responds b y stoically preparin g Ellen' s favorite ste w fo r dinner. 67 The novel' s resolutio n demonstrate s tha t Fanny' s ambition s fo r her daughter reflec t traditiona l materna l aspiration s fo r a daughter's future rathe r tha n an y recognitio n o n he r par t o f th e existenc e o f genuinely ne w possibilitie s fo r women' s advancement . Sh e i s "openl y and shamelessl y triumphant " when Rober t Lloyd , the nephe w o f th e factory owner , call s on Ellen . He r distres s whe n thei r romanc e foun ders as a result of Ellen' s participation i n a strike reflects her empath y for he r daughter' s suffering—th e "realizatio n o f he r stat e o f mind , of whic h a mothe r alon e i s capable"—an d als o he r ow n fea r tha t Ellen wil l los e thi s chance t o bette r hersel f throug h a good marriage . Fanny's acceptanc e o f th e conventiona l socia l ideolog y regardin g women's role s i s clearly apparen t a s sh e considers th e possibilit y tha t Ellen an d Rober t migh t marry : "I t woul d b e a splendi d thin g fo r her," she tell s he r husband . Hi s ters e reply , "I t would b e a splendi d thing fo r him, " intimates th e natur e o f hi s concern s a s h e consider s the possibilit y o f hi s daughter' s marriag e t o th e boss' s nephew . Bu t his wife's concerns ar e different, an d she insists: "It'll be a great thin g for her . . . . It'l l be a splendid thin g fo r her , yo u kno w that." 68 Thu s Fanny's disappointmen t ove r Ellen' s decisio n t o forg o colleg e i s mitigated b y th e promis e o f he r brigh t futur e wit h Rober t Lloyd . He r earlier dreams fo r he r daughte r hav e bee n fulfille d throug h a differ ent route , a s i t appear s tha t th e youn g woma n wil l stil l escap e fro m the trial s o f working-clas s povert y t o liv e happil y eve r after , an d he r mother's sacrifice s wil l not hav e been i n vain. This nove l suggest s tha t th e additio n o f working-clas s economi c concerns t o the elements tha t defined th e interactions of middle-clas s mothers and daughters intensifie d th e complexity of the relationship . Issues o f sacrific e an d surviva l coul d tak e precedenc e ove r thos e o f ideology fo r working-clas s mothers , whil e loyalt y t o class as well as t o family migh t concer n thei r daughters . Nevertheless , dee p an d abid ing affection coul d als o be present . Anzia Yezierska' s nove l Bread-Givers depicts th e working-clas s mother daughter relationshi p fro m anothe r perspectiv e throug h it s formu -

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laic portraya l o f th e struggle s o f a n immigran t Jewish family. 69 Her e the selfless, long-sufferin g mothe r would d o anything fo r he r daugh ter, Sara , wh o ha s lef t th e famil y t o see k a job an d a n education . Al l she ask s i n retur n i s a n occasiona l visit , bu t th e youn g woma n be grudges an y tim e spent away from he r studies. When Sar a has finally established hersel f professionall y a s a teache r (an d a s a n American ) and finds th e tim e t o visi t he r mother , she , lik e The a Kronber g i n The Song of the Lark, discover s i t i s to o late . Th e exhauste d woman , who ha s sacrifice d he r entir e lif e t o b e a "bread-giver " fo r he r hus band an d children , i s dying o f bloo d poisoning . Belatedly , Sar a rec ognizes he r mother' s lov e an d devotion , an d sh e regret s he r own failur e "t o giv e Mothe r th e understandin g o f he r deepe r sel f during he r lifetime." 70 Th e mother' s recompens e i n thi s case i s post humous; he r daughte r eventuall y become s a bread-giver herself , as suming responsibilit y fo r he r selfis h fathe r an d hi s manipulativ e sec ond wife . Like The Portion of Labor, Bread-Givers differs fro m th e other novel s examined i n it s portraya l o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n a working-class context , an d als o i n it s focu s o n a n immigran t subcul ture. While neither o f thes e works reflects th e experiences o f middle class America n mother s an d thei r daughters , bot h offe r revealin g presentations o f th e theme s o f materna l sacrific e an d th e conflic t between a daughter's aspirations and he r famil y obligations . Finally, an Englis h nove l provide s th e mos t intense an d concentrate d portrait o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p o f an y o f th e work s examined. I n Ma y Sinclair's Mary Olivier: A Life, a daughter wh o feel s rejected an d unlove d b y her domineering, ye t outwardly gentl e mothe r consciously recognize s tha t he r essentia l selfhoo d i s threatene d b y their relationship. 71 Mar y Olivie r reflects , "Sh e wa s powerfu l an d rather cruel . . . . I f yo u didn' t tak e car e sh e woul d ge t hol d o f yo u and neve r res t til l sh e ha d broke n you , o r turne d an d twiste d yo u t o her own will. " Yet her feelings remai n ambivalent : She hated her mother. She adored and hated her. Mamma had married fo r her ow n pleasure , fo r he r passion . Sh e ha d brough t yo u int o th e world , without asking your leave, for her own pleasure. She had brough t yo u into the world to be unhappy. She had planned for you to do the things that she did. She cared for you only as long as you were doing them . When you lef t

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off an d di d othe r thing s sh e lef t of f caring... . Sh e hate d he r mother and she adored her. 72 Mary's intuitiv e recognitio n o f th e problem s o f separatio n an d individuation an d he r allusio n t o th e psychologica l impac t o f mater nal sexuality foreshado w th e commentar y offere d b y some lat e twentieth-century scholars. 73 Eventuall y sh e discusses he r ambivalent feel ings wit h he r mother , wh o replie s tha t sh e neve r kne w Mar y love d her, and tha t she had alway s been afraid o f her daughter because sh e was s o differen t fro m he r sons . Lik e Mary' s thought s abou t thei r relationship, Mrs . Olivier' s repl y anticipate s mor e recen t discussion s of mother-daughte r interaction s i n work s of bot h fiction an d nonfic tion: "I felt a s if you kne w everythin g I was thinking.... I didn't lik e your bein g clever . . . . I wa s jealous o f you , Mary . An d I wa s afrai d for m y life you' d find i t out."74 Sinclair' s sophisticated understandin g of th e dept h an d complexit y o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i s equally clea r i n th e novel' s conclusion : despite , o r becaus e of , thei r difficulties, Mar y neve r leave s he r mother , an d sh e i s devastate d b y her death . What conclusions abou t th e histor y of mother-daughte r relationship s at th e tur n o f th e century , an d beyond , ca n b e draw n fro m th e examination o f thes e fourtee n novels ? Severa l relate d question s sug gest a structure fo r th e analysi s o f thei r collective historica l contribu tion: What is directly apparent about the portrayal of the relationshi p in thes e works ? Wha t i s implie d b y tha t portrayal ? Wha t i s th e rela tionship betwee n th e authors ' ow n experience s an d thei r fictional presentations o f thi s aspec t o f women' s lives ? Ho w di d th e contem porary audienc e vie w an d understan d th e image s o f mother-daugh ter interactions i n th e novels ? Clearly, mother s ar e centra l t o th e live s of th e fictional daughters . Even i n absentia, the y pla y importan t roles , as illustrated by The Story of Avis. Neithe r Virgini a Pendleto n no r Gabriell a Car r ca n bea r th e thought o f losin g he r mother , an d materna l death s hav e seriou s major consequence s i n Pembroke, The Song of the Lark, A Woman of Genius, The Bent Twig, The House of Mirth, Bread-Givers, an d Mary Olivier. I n som e instances , a mother' s suppor t fo r unconventiona l behavior i s crucial t o a daughter's abilit y t o fulfill he r ow n desires , a s

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with The a Kronberg' s musica l ambition s an d Almir a Todd' s mor e general nee d fo r "mor e scope. " I n othe r cases , th e absenc e o f suc h support hamper s a daughter' s progres s bu t doe s no t curtai l he r de velopment completely ; thi s situation describe s th e experienc e o f Oli via i n A Woman of Genius. The conflic t betwee n a daughter' s aspira tions an d he r obligation s t o her mothe r ca n b e emotionally wrenching , as i n The Portion of Labor, and ofte n irreconcilable , a s i n The Song of the Lark and Bread-Givers. Mothers provid e bot h positiv e an d negativ e rol e model s i n thes e novels. Occasionall y the y ma y interced e wit h thei r husband s o n thei r daughters' behalf , a s Mrs . Kronber g doe s i n The Song of the Lark. Sylvia Marshal l an d Almir a Tod d hav e strong , salutar y materna l examples t o follow , whil e th e protagonist s o f Pembroke, Virginia, Life with Gabriella, an d The House of Mirth ar e fa r les s fortunat e i n thi s regard. Thes e character s suffe r seriou s problem s a s a resul t o f thei r mothers' failings. Lik e the image s of materna l ineffectiveness , repre sentations o f materna l sacrific e rathe r tha n materna l mentorin g re cur i n thes e novels , highlightin g th e impac t o f th e dominan t socia l ideology o f gender . Unconventiona l behavio r o n th e par t o f bot h mothers and daughters in the novels results in various forms o f socia l and emotional punishment . In severa l instances , negativ e materna l qualitie s contras t strongl y with mor e favorabl e paterna l images . Whil e hi s wif e ignore s hi m after hi s financial failure , Lil y Bar t feel s a specia l empath y fo r he r "neutrally-tinted father " who read s poetr y an d fills "a n intermediat e space between th e buder and th e ma n who came t o wind th e clocks." 75 In A Woman of Genius, Olivia recall s "romping " with he r father , wh o was muc h mor e relaxe d wit h hi s children tha n hi s wif e was . Sh e als o remembers tha t she never experienced an y rea l motherin g a s a child. 76 Even Sylvi a Marshall , wh o "love d he r mothe r passionatel y an d jealously," feels a special kinshi p with her father, whos e "min d wa s mor e like he r own," and a certain distanc e fro m he r immensel y competen t mother. 77 Similarl y Ellen, in The Portion of Labor, identifies mor e full y with he r father' s feeling s althoug h sh e love s he r mother , an d he , i n turn, suffer s mor e i n hi s anxiet y ove r hi s daughte r tha n hi s wif e does. 78 Th e suggestio n tha t a n ambitiou s youn g woma n migh t iden tify wit h he r fathe r rathe r tha n he r mother , n o matte r ho w capabl e

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the latte r migh t be , testifie s t o th e dominanc e o f a n ideolog y tha t categorized me n a s powerfu l achiever s an d thei r wive s a s nurturin g caregivers. The mother-daughte r interaction s depicte d i n these novel s under score th e complexit y o f th e relationshi p durin g a period o f consider able turmoi l i n women' s lives . Despit e thei r differences , littl e o r n o overt ange r i s expresse d b y eithe r generatio n towar d th e other , a circumstance tha t reflect s th e nineteenth-centur y emphasi s o n th e suppression o f femal e anger. 79 Instead , these portraits emphasize th e enduring negativ e impac t o f nineteenth-centur y prescription s fo r women a s both mother s an d daughter s confronte d a range o f change s and ne w opportunitie s aroun d th e tur n o f th e century . T o a larg e extent, th e novel s represen t a collectiv e indictmen t o f th e socia l val ues tha t reduce d wome n effectivel y t o cipher s o r force d the m t o choose between impossibl e alternative s in order to preserve thei r own personhood. Fo r th e mos t part , neithe r mother s no r daughter s ar e held full y responsibl e fo r thei r failings ; the y ar e bot h compelle d b y circumstances ove r whic h the y hav e n o control. Th e painfu l inabilit y of mother s t o recogniz e th e limitation s o f thei r ow n live s i s reflecte d in th e difficultie s experience d b y thei r daughter s a s the y attemp t t o come t o term s wit h society' s expectation s fo r the m o r t o challeng e those expectations. 80 Generally , thes e mother s continu e t o adhere t o the ideolog y o f materna l sacrifice—a n ideolog y tha t i s n o longe r viable in the era of th e "ne w woman. " With th e exceptio n o f The Bent Twig, th e text s portra y neithe r independent colleg e daughter s no r strong , supportiv e mothers . Th e mothers i n th e novel s generall y d o no t activel y assis t their daughter s to pursu e ne w avenues . O f th e tw o instance s wher e youn g wome n display significan t professiona l aspirations , The Song of the Lark and A Woman of Genius, onl y on e depict s a mothe r wh o understand s he r daughter's ambitions . (Althoug h th e daughters i n The Portion of Labor and Bread-Givers als o work , the y represen t th e specia l circumstance s of workin g clas s an d immigran t life. ) Consistently , then , lik e th e prescriptive literature , th e novel s impl y tha t th e pressur e experi enced b y many mother s an d daughter s a s they confronted th e change s in women' s live s durin g th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentiet h cen turies formidabl y challenge d thei r abilitie s t o respond t o thes e change s and altere d th e natur e o f thei r relationships .

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This inferenc e seem s t o reflec t i n par t th e writers * ow n experi ences, whic h necessaril y colore d thei r interpretation s o f th e interac tion betwee n th e changin g time s an d th e mother-daughte r relation ship. A s heiresse s o f th e earlie r "literar y domestics " an d prominen t representatives o f th e vanguar d o f "ne w women " wh o challenge d Victorian standards , th e authors o f thes e novel s encountered i n thei r own lives instances of both the general and the particular experience s of thei r characters. 81 Th e hostilit y directe d towar d femal e author s i n the lat e nineteent h centur y ha s bee n wel l documented ; thi s share d experience certainl y suggest s a reason fo r th e pervasiv e tendenc y i n these work s t o represen t mother-daughte r conflic t a s a n inevitabl e outcome o f social prescription s fo r women. 82 The influenc e o f mor e specifi c component s o f individua l authors ' lives is clearly discernible in the novels as well. Fo r example, Elizabet h Stuart Phelp s War d wa s eigh t year s ol d whe n sh e los t he r mother , who wa s als o a popula r novelist . Ward' s origina l name , Mar y Gray , was changed afte r he r mother' s death. 83 The latter' s struggle t o combine marriag e wit h a creative career, an d Ward' s own reactio n t o th e drudgery o f domesticity a s well as her identification wit h her mother , are reflected i n the character of Avis. 84 Similarly, throug h Olivia , th e protagonist o f A Woman of Genius, Mary Austi n articulate d he r per sonal feeling s o f rejectio n b y he r mother , whil e Will a Cathe r re corded th e importanc e o f he r ow n mother' s suppor t fo r he r aspira tions through Mrs. Kronberg's behavior in The Song of the Lark.85 Th e fact tha t Ellen Glasgow live d and wrot e i n traditiona l Virgini a societ y is eviden t i n th e materna l image s depicte d i n Virginia an d Life with Gabriella, an d th e rathe r preach y imag e o f materna l rectitud e con veyed b y The Bent Twig mirror s Doroth y Canfiel d Fisher' s poin t o f view a s th e autho r o f advic e literatur e a s wel l a s fiction. 86 Finally , Anzia Yezierska' s persona l experience s i n a n immigran t famil y ob viously informe d he r treatmen t o f th e interaction s i n Bread-Givers, and Edit h Wharton' s lac k o f communicatio n wit h he r ow n mothe r contributed t o th e mother-daughte r portrait s i n The Old Maid an d The Mother's Recompense.87 While i t i s impossibl e t o ascertai n precisel y ho w reader s o f thes e novels responde d t o their contents, i t is probable tha t th e contempo rary audience recognize d som e persona l relevanc e in the experience s portrayed. Lik e th e discussion s o f mother-daughte r relationship s i n

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popular periodica l an d advic e literature , th e fictiona l portrait s mus t have spoke n directl y t o th e concern s o f larg e number s o f wome n a s they grappled wit h the growing recognition of a new and uncomfort able femal e generatio n gap . Fo r example , whe n The House of Mirth was serialize d i n Scribner's betwee n Januar y an d Novembe r 1905 , Edith Wharto n wa s deluged wit h mai l from reader s wh o were experiencing grea t anxiet y ove r th e declin e an d fal l o f Lil y Bart. 88 N o doubt som e reader s discovere d reflection s o f th e actua l realit y o f their ow n live s i n thes e works . Fo r thos e wh o foun d i t easie r t o accommodate t o th e changin g circumstances , novel s lik e thes e ma y have appeare d t o exaggerat e th e situation . Nevertheless , becaus e they addressed issue s that certainly troubled man y women, the novels probably functione d widel y a s a nonthreatenin g outle t fo r uncom fortable persona l tension s tha t migh t otherwis e hav e bee n unex pressed. In their representations of various ramifications of the motherdaughter relationship , then, these works offered assuranc e to women that thei r own problems were not unique, but they also warned the m in n o uncertai n term s tha t thos e problem s wer e no t easil y resolved . The message concerning the connection between women's prescribed status an d mother-daughte r interaction s wa s more subtle, but i t certainly mus t hav e reached a portion o f the contemporary audienc e as well. For th e most part , th e novels communicated th e same concerns as those articulate d i n th e prescriptiv e literature . Althoug h th e dis course was more nuanced an d complex, these texts also identified th e mother-daughter relationshi p a s particularl y importan t i n th e con text o f th e majo r socia l and cultura l change s tha t wer e takin g place . They to o portraye d th e relationshi p a s a source o f tensio n an d con flict, and the y frequentl y attribute d th e proble m t o materna l inade quacies. While the issues were presented at a more sophisticated level, the message was essentially similar . These literar y text s reflec t th e historica l circumstance s an d th e contemporary cultura l discours e o f th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentieth centuries . I n a sense , thei r ver y existenc e define s thei r contribution to the history of mother-daughter relationships , for they challenge wha t ha s bee n referre d t o as the "los t tradition, " th e con spicuous absenc e o f emphasi s o n mother-daughte r interaction s i n Western literature. 89 Thei r share d themati c element s identif y an d

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underscore dominan t mother-daughte r issue s throughou t th e er a o f the "new woman." Through thei r fictiona l portrayal s o f th e mother-daughte r rela tionship, th e novel s rais e questions an d articulat e concern s tha t mos t women, an d eve n socia l commentators , woul d hav e foun d to o dis turbing t o addres s openly . Th e presenc e o f certai n commo n theme s suggests th e existenc e o f continuin g area s o f concer n fo r wome n a t the tur n of th e century an d beyond . Bu t an element o f chronologica l progression i s als o discernibl e i n th e movemen t fro m th e emphasi s on a motherless , an d therefore , beref t daughte r i n The Story of Avis, to th e presentation s o f a mutually supportiv e mother-daughte r dya d in The Country of the Pointed Firs an d variant s o f bot h positiv e an d negative interaction s i n othe r works , and finally t o th e portraya l o f a troubled an d ambivalen t daughte r i n Mary Olivier. Th e latte r work , which appeare d i n 1919 , stresse s severa l psychodynami c aspect s o f the mother-daughter relationshi p to which considerable attentio n ha s been directe d i n th e post-Freudia n twentiet h century—specifically , issues o f anger , jealousy, separation , individuation . The Mother's Recompense, published i n 1925 , als o anticipate s late r literatur e throug h its subtl e intimation s regardin g fundamenta l psychosexua l issues. 90 These tw o novel s presag e th e stres s o n th e psycholog y o f mother daughter conflic t tha t distinguishe s women' s fiction afte r th e 1920s . Viewed chronologically , th e fourtee n novel s examine d sugges t tha t changes i n the natur e of th e cultural discourse concernin g th e mother daughter relationshi p ma y heral d change s i n women' s actua l experi ences. 91 Bu t this suggestion recall s Peter Laslett's warning that historical generalization s derive d fro m literar y source s ma y "mak e peopl e believe tha t wha t wa s th e entirel y exceptional , wa s i n fac t th e per fectly normal." 92 Henc e i t i s importan t t o vie w th e novel s no t a s precise reflection s o f reality , bu t a s example s o f th e contemporar y cultural discours e concernin g importan t problem s an d possibl e solu tions fo r them . To establis h what was "normal" and wha t was "exceptional" i n middle-clas s mother-daughte r relationship s betwee n 188 0 and 1920 , t o lear n ho w wome n themselve s viewe d an d solve d th e problems define d throug h literar y texts , th e historia n mus t tur n t o other sources , thos e i n whic h mother s an d daughter s recorde d thei r personal experiences , thoughts , an d feelings .

C H A P T E R4

"A GIRL' S BES T F R I E N D " : A D O L E S C E N T DAUGHTER S AND T H E I R MOTHER S

F

OR Edn a Ormsby , th e birt h o f a daughte r o n Decembe r 20 , 1891, represente d a n auspiciou s occasion . "Sh e i s perfec t i n every wa y an d promise s t o b e a bright chil d fo r whic h w e fee l that we can no t be thankfu l enoug h t o the Goo d Father, " Mrs. Ormsby wrote i n he r diary . " I hop e an d pra y tha t sh e ma y liv e t o be a nobl e godfearing woma n an d a 'woman' s woman. ' I f sh e migh t b e permit ted t o do some grea t servic e fo r th e upliftin g o f he r sisters I shall fee l that I hav e no t live d i n vain, " she continued . "I f sh e migh t onl y do the work tha t I have dreamed o f how glad I should be . . .. W e named the bab y Esthe r b y commo n consent . I ha d though t o f tha t lon g before an d whe n Fulto n [he r husband] suggested i t and Mothe r liked it th e matte r wa s settled." 1 Wit h thes e succinc t observations , Mrs . Ormsby embarked o n th e tas k of raisin g a daughter. By th e tim e Esthe r wa s born , th e er a o f th e u new woman " ha d been launche d b y th e first generatio n o f youn g wome n t o pursu e higher educatio n an d variou s professiona l paths . I n thi s setting , th e challenge o f guidin g a daughte r safel y throug h childhoo d an d ado lescence t o maturit y an d adulthoo d coul d b e a formidabl e on e fo r a conscientious mother . A s Mrs . Ormsby's comment s indicate , i t migh t also sugges t a n opportunit y fo r th e vicariou s fulfillmen t o f materna l aspirations throug h th e potentia l achievement s o f th e nex t genera tion. Over a perio d o f abou t ninetee n years , Edn a Ormsb y recorde d her effort s t o mee t th e challeng e o f raisin g a daughter well , an d he r thoughts an d feeling s abou t th e mother-daughte r relationship , in the 70

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diary sh e title d "Th e Boo k o f Esther. " Th e concern s sh e expresse d mirrored th e contemporar y cultura l expectation s fo r middle-clas s mothers a s the y fulfille d thei r assigne d responsibilit y fo r socializin g their daughters. Reminiscen t o f prescriptiv e literatur e tha t urged th e importance o f friendshi p betwee n mothe r an d daughter , Mrs . Ormsb y noted fervently : " I hope tha t we wil l be companionabl e an d tha t he r mamma wil l alway s b e he r closes t confidan t unti l ther e i s a 'neare r and deare r on e stil l tha n al l others. ' " 2 A s Esthe r develope d fro m babyhood t o adolescence , he r mothe r worrie d intensel y abou t he r mood changes , he r attachment t o other children, and he r headaches . She played pian o duets with her daughter, removed he r from kinder garten whe n i t seemed t o tax he r strength, an d nurse d he r whe n sh e experienced wha t appear s t o hav e bee n a n emotiona l breakdow n around th e ag e o f fifteen. 3 Sh e als o too k grea t prid e i n Esther' s appearance: "Non e of her pictures do her justice because he r expression i s so brilliant an d i n her picture s sh e wear s an unnatura l look." 4 And sh e reflecte d thoughtfull y o n he r ow n reaction s t o Esther' s progress: Her development has been very interesting and in most ways very gratifyin g to me. She is said to be one of the most popular girls who has ever attended the [high] school... . There seems to be an elusive spiritual quality about her that makes her very charming to both her boy and girl friends... . She is the life an d music of th e home and brings much young and pleasant company. . . . Sh e ha s s o muc h admiratio n an d attentio n I a m a littl e worrie d som e times. I try to teach her to be in the world but not too much of it.5 Mrs. Ormsby's diary offers n o evidence o f Esther' s respons e t o th e intensity o f he r mother' s concern ove r bot h majo r an d mino r aspect s of he r growt h an d development , bu t i t highlights th e dedicatio n an d seriousness wit h whic h a middle-class woma n approache d he r mater nal responsibilities . No t surprisingly , i t als o suggest s tha t mother daughter relationship s acquire d a ne w complexit y a s youn g wome n entered adolescence . Edn a Ormsby' s accoun t o f he r daughter' s lif e between th e age s o f twelv e an d ninetee n indicate s tha t thes e wer e particularly difficul t year s for bot h mothe r an d daughter . A t th e ag e of thirteen , Esthe r "di d th e leas t work an d go t int o mor e mischie f and gav e [he r mother ] mor e troubl e tha n eve r i n he r l i f e . . . . Non e of i t very bad but she was very disorderly i n he r menta l an d persona l habits."6 Followin g a "ver y tryin g tim e i n he r development, " he r

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parents considered delayin g he r enrollment i n high schoo l for a year, but the y change d thei r minds . However , afte r onl y on e mont h o f secondary education , "whic h sh e enjoye d ver y much, " she suffered a "severe nervou s shock " which kep t he r ou t of schoo l fo r a year and a half, unti l he r healt h wa s restore d throug h th e interventio n o f a Christian Scienc e practitioner . Th e final entr y i n th e diar y report s that Esther' s recover y wa s complete , sh e wa s abl e t o g o bac k t o hig h school, an d sh e planne d t o attend colleg e a s well. 7 While i t i s impossibl e t o determin e th e natur e o f Esthe r Ormsby' s health problem s o r t o attribut e he r difficultie s t o middle-clas s famil y dynamics, he r mother' s accoun t clearl y implie s tha t a new element o f tension characterize d thei r relationshi p a s th e youn g woma n move d from childhoo d t o adolescence . The y wer e hardl y uniqu e i n thi s respect. Althoug h historian s ca n glea n onl y a n impressionisti c sens e of relationship s betwee n mother s an d youn g childre n sinc e th e thoughts an d feeling s o f th e latte r ar e rarel y accessible throug h writ ten sources , th e experience s an d emotion s o f adolescen t daughters , as wel l a s thos e o f thei r mothers , ca n b e documente d mor e readily. 8 The reaction s o f lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-centur y adoles cents indicat e tha t mother-daughte r conflic t wa s no t a n unusua l oc currence a s littl e girl s gre w int o youn g women . A t first glance, ther e is a strikin g resemblanc e betwee n th e sens e o f emergenc y conveye d by th e emphasi s o n communicatio n wit h adolescen t daughter s tha t characterized th e periodica l an d advic e literature , an d historica l evi dence tha t als o suggest s a t leas t a limite d sens e o f crisi s i n th e rela tionship. Bu t tha t evidenc e actuall y reveal s a more comple x scenari o in whic h tension s betwee n adolescen t daughter s an d thei r mother s form onl y on e element . The diar y o f Mar y Anderso n Boi t offer s a classi c exampl e o f th e trials and tribulation s o f a young teenage r whos e difficultie s wit h he r mother strik e th e lat e twentieth-centur y reade r a s almost timeles s i n nature. A t th e ag e o f thirteen , Mar y sulke d whe n he r mothe r ex pected he r t o tak e he r "wate r proo f an d rubbers " to school i n case o f rain. Sh e "calle d mamm a horri d names " becaus e sh e woul d no t le t her wea r longe r dresses , sh e lie d whe n he r mothe r aske d he r if sh e had crimpe d he r hair , an d sh e objecte d t o bein g serve d "onl y brea d & butter , cak e & organ e marmalad " whe n sh e ha d hope d t o hav e

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"toasted crackers " fo r tea. 9 Mar y fel t tha t sh e an d he r sibling s wer e rigidly constrained: "W e can no t do anything i n this house a s soon a s we star t t o hav e an y fu n w e ar e stopped . . . . I t seem s a s thoug h w e were kep t i n a glas s cas e & everythin g els e i n thi s house, " sh e la mented. Her feeling s wer e complicated. Sh e tried t o understand he r moth er's position : " I a m sur e I neve r see m t o b e abl e t o d o anythin g t o suit Mamma bu t she mus t get ver y tired havin g fou r childre n t o loo k after," sh e observed. 10 Severa l week s later , afte r anothe r altercation , she note d contritely : "Sh e [mother ] ha s sai d man y a tim e sh e woul d have nothin g mor e t o do wit h m e & that sh e ha d give n u p tryin g t o make a lady o f m e a s she neve r could no w I am reall y going t o try t o improve i n al l m y ba d habits. " On th e sam e day , Mar y also dreame d about he r mother' s deat h an d recorde d he r distres s i n he r diary : " I cried & cried s o as if I never would sto p i t seemed s o real. . . . I don' t like t o drea m o f m y dea r swee t mamm a i t make s m e fee l s o sad." 11 She allude d t o he r ow n ba d habit s agai n o n th e da y befor e he r fourteenth birthday , when she wrote, "Poor Mamma she has so man y trials & cares with fou r unrul y childre n especiall y fro m m e I a m s o horrid I shoul d thin k sh e woul d los e he r patienc e wit h m e muc h more tha n sh e does, " and sh e expresse d th e hop e tha t sh e woul d b e able to "cure [her] faults." 12 Yet a few month s later , much t o her ow n chagrin, Mar y found hersel f "up in the garret in disgrace" once agai n as a consequenc e o f he r objectionabl e behavior : "Sh e sai d I ha d always bee n ungratefu l & rude. . . . I sai d I ha d no t bee n rud e sinc e spring bu t ha d bee n tryin g no t t o be & she woul d no t believ e m e . . . but I kno w wel l enoug h tha t sometime s thi s sprin g i t wa s ver y har d for m e t o conside r m y answe r bac k whe n sh e scolde d me . . . . I d o hate t o be in disgrace with Mamm a it makes m e fee l dreadfully." 13 Clearly, thi s young woman's relationship wit h her mother wa s very important t o her , bu t despit e wha t sh e viewe d a s he r ow n heroi c efforts, thei r interactions wer e fa r from harmonious . Whethe r o r no t her mothe r recognize d th e problem , Mar y was disturbed b y what sh e perceived a s a seriou s lac k o f communicatio n betwee n them : " I a m really afrai d o f Mamm a a s I d o no t dar e t o talk e t o he r th e wa y I would lik e t o I a m sur e sh e woul d cal l m e sentimental . I f I tol d he r how I fel t abou t ver y man y thing s & that make s m e s o mad." 14 Thi s poignant confessio n b y a n articulat e adolescen t daughte r attest s t o

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her desir e t o confid e i n he r mothe r an d t o he r distres s ove r he r inability to do so. An eve n mor e poignan t disclosur e b y another introspectiv e teen ager offer s furthe r evidenc e of th e significanc e a young woman migh t place on he r interaction s wit h her mother , and also of her reluctanc e to reveal all of he r feeling s eve n t o this most important figure in he r life. Sixteen-year-old Harrie t Burto n wrote the following in her diary on February 29 , 1890: "Can it be only a month since my mother died. Oh whe n I nee d he r most . I could tal k t o her mor e tha n t o anyone, even the n I neve r opene d al l my heart, bu t O my dear dea r Mothe r if I could bu t see you now , if I could bu t tel l you all, if you could bu t comfort me and love me. . . . O h M y Mother ! I f I coul d onl y hav e someone t o tal k to , ther e i s n o one—n o one . I fee l so alone." A s a result of her mother' s death, she felt isolated, left wit h no one to love and n o one who loved her. 15 Mau d Nathan , who also lost her mothe r when sh e wa s sixteen , echoe d simila r sentiment s when , as an adult , she recalled he r bereavement: " I was blessed with a wonderful mother , the cherishe d memor y o f who m ha s abided wit h m e throug h al l m y life. Whe n m y mothe r passe d awa y i n m y earl y youth , i t seemed a s though th e res t o f m y journey mus t b e made in darkness, in sorrow , in gloom." 16 Lik e th e frustratio n Mar y Anderso n Boi t experience d as a resul t o f he r inabilit y t o communicat e wit h he r mother , th e loneliness Harrie t Burto n expresse d an d th e grie f Mau d Natha n remembered reflecte d th e centra l rol e a mothe r coul d pla y i n th e emotional life of an adolescent daughter . That role was also reflected i n less traumatic contexts, for example, in letters fro m Mar y and Emil y Hills to their mother . " I would grea t deal rather b e at home and neve r see anything but dusting all my life than t o stay here twenty-fou r hour s longe r . . . d o please let me come home," Mary, the older sister and the first to go away to school, begged on Septembe r 17 , 1886. 17 "I a m gla d yo u enjo y m y letters but I a m sure you can not look forward t o them a s much as I do to yours for I feel a s i f I wer e a t th e othe r en d o f th e worl d fro m Amherst, " sh e wrote several week s later. 18 Sh e particularly misse d he r mothe r dur ing her first term a t school: "Sometimes it seems as if I would go wild because I wan t t o se e you s o much, " sh e tol d her . An d sh e looke d forward eagerl y t o thei r first reunion : " I kno w I shall tag you ever y step yo u tak e fo r I a m goin g t o mak e th e mos t o f m y tim e wit h

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you." 19 Emil y wa s also homesick whe n sh e joined he r siste r a t board ing school : " I a m tryin g t o improv e m y tim e Mamm a bu t I d o thin k all the tim e o f you, " she wrote . "Pleas e notice, " she urge d i n anothe r letter, "tha t I hav e no t sai d anythin g abou t bein g homesick , bu t yo u know ho w I feel." 20 An d i n typica l younger-siste r fashion , sh e com plained: " I mus t sa y I cannot ge t use d t o th e girl s her e an d I wis h I might b e wit h Mami e [Mary ] all th e time." 21 Emil y als o confided he r feelings abou t growin g up : "I cannot realiz e tha t th e eighteent h yea r I have s o lon g anticipate d i s so nearly her e an d tha t I can soo n g o t o the 'Promenade, ' but I feel s o little like a young lady." 22 Sh e an d he r sister also sought thei r mother's advice about traditiona l matter s suc h as clothing and appropriat e Christma s gift s fo r famil y members. 23 Both girl s relie d o n receivin g frequen t mai l fro m home . Mar y wa s particularly distresse d whe n sh e expecte d t o hea r fro m he r mothe r and n o lette r appeared . Bot h als o worrie d abou t th e effect s o f thei r mother's bus y schedul e o n he r health. 24 The y als o complained t o he r about eac h other . Mar y especiall y objecte d t o th e privilege s grante d to he r younge r sister : "I suppose Pap a tol d yo u o f ho w jealous I wa s when I heard yo u are going to allow Emily to go to the Phi Psi musical for i t did no t see m a t all lik e you t o let a child like he r g o t o any suc h thing."25 Sh e though t tha t her sister receive d mor e mai l fro m home : "I fee l a s i f th e famil y ha d quit e forgotte n m y existence, " sh e la mented, "fo r al l th e letter s come addresse d t o Emily . . . . Good nigh t Mamma. D o no t neglec t m e an y mor e bu t writ e soon." 26 Emil y i n turn proteste d t o he r mothe r tha t "Mami e take s al l th e news, " an d offered self-righteou s criticis m o f he r sister' s behavior : "Mamie' s stockings cam e toda y an d I a m positivel y ashame d o f her ; tel l Pap a he ough t t o tak e th e postag e fro m he r allowance . Ca n thi s b e he r twentieth yea r and sh e guilty of thi s act!" 27 It was not unusua l fo r adolescen t daughter s t o experience anxiet y and confusio n a s the y puzzle d ove r thei r complicate d feeling s abou t their mothers . Alic e Blackwel l adore d he r mother , th e prominen t abolitionist an d suffragist , Luc y Ston e an d identifie d strongl y wit h her. She defende d he r against any criticism of he r professiona l activ ities an d eve n declare d he r intentio n o f writin g he r biography , ob serving: " I am uncommonl y prou d o f bein g Luc y Stone' s daughter. " Yet th e diar y sh e kep t betwee n th e age s o f fifteen an d seventee n attests t o frequen t disagreement s an d communicatio n problem s be -

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tween them. 28 Alic e lamente d he r mother' s resemblanc e t o "Aun t Sarah, snarling al l th e time, " objected t o Lucy Stone's "scratching ou t something i n m y diary, " and resente d whe n sh e "hi d a library boo k and mad e m e fee l cross." 29 O n on e occasion , afte r sh e ha d bee n asked t o ge t som e apple s fro m th e cella r an d bak e the m fo r he r father, sh e bitterl y resente d he r mother' s respons e t o he r inquirie s about candles an d th e oven : "Mamma jumped u p and said it was less trouble t o g o fo r the m herself , an d tha t She was so ASHAMED OF ALICE tha t sh e di d no t wan t an y on e t o sa y anythin g o r tal k o r something." 30 But Alic e an d he r mothe r wer e no t alway s a t odd s with on e an other. Afte r a particularl y exhaustin g an d unsatisfactor y shoppin g excursion, the y share d a sense o f amuse d frustration : Went shopping i n Boston wit h Mamma. We mutually begged each other to put on our tombstones "Died of shopping with an unreasonable mother" "Died of shopping with an impracticable daughter" 31 On anothe r occasion , Alic e nurse d he r mothe r throug h a sever e headache. Sh e als o recorde d he r mother' s absence s whe n th e latte r traveled i n th e cours e o f he r suffragis t activities , attende d meeting s and lecture s wit h her , an d expresse d he r prid e i n Luc y Stone' s ac complishments. 32 Thei r conflict s apparentl y di d no t reflec t an y rea l estrangement, an d a s a n adult , Alic e devote d he r lif e t o carrying o n her mother's work . A later , bu t similar , exampl e illustrate s th e sam e combinatio n o f intimacy an d conflic t tha t characterize d th e relationshi p betwee n Alic e and Luc y Stone . Mario n Taylo r love d he r mothe r "mor e tha n any body els e i n th e world, " bu t sh e fel t uncomfortabl e abou t showin g her feelings : " I never kis s her and I' d fee l dreadfull y sill y if I hugge d or anything." 33 Lik e Mar y Hills , sh e wa s jealou s o f he r mother' s affection fo r he r younge r sister : "Mothe r love s th e bab y best." 34 Frequent reference s i n he r diar y highligh t othe r area s o f discord . "Mother doesn' t approv e o f m y writing—sh e doesn' t lik e th e storie s . . . but I d o lov e t o writ e an d i f I ge t a n ide a fo r a story I just hav e got to write i t down," she noted. 35 He r mothe r also criticized he r lack of interes t i n clothes , he r tendenc y t o us e "affected " speec h an d mannerisms, an d he r impatience wit h her sister. "I just paused i n m y

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writing to lend m y ear to a lecture fro m mother, " she confided t o he r diary o n on e occasion . " I sa y snapp y thing s t o Carolin e al l th e tim e and mothe r say s I' m gettin g t o b e a n awfu l (lemon ) ol d maid." 36 Marion wa s particularl y distresse d b y he r mother' s attitud e abou t a proposed eighth-grad e graduatio n party : "Mothe r say s I can' t g o with an y boy ! I t isn' t th e boy that I wan t t o g o fo r bu t al l th e othe r girls ar e goin g wit h the m an d I don' t wan t t o b e th e only one and a left out. I simply won't go to the party at all if I can't go like the othe r girls! Mayb e fourtee n is too youn g bu t I don't care." 37 Nevertheless , she too k he r mother' s opinion s seriousl y an d identifie d wit h her — "I'm like mother—I hav e to express my feelings o n pape r every onc e in a while," she commented. 38 Other adolescen t daughter s wer e als o th e recipient s o f th e sor t o f maternal "lectures " an d unsolicite d advic e tha t distresse d Mario n Taylor. Frequen t letter s fro m he r mother provide d suc h guidanc e t o Mary Alm y wh o wa s travelin g i n Europ e wit h he r siste r durin g th e summer o f 1909 . I n on e suc h letter , Mrs. Alm y inquired : "Puss y dear, have you trie d a bicycle? D o mak e th e tim e fo r it , if you can . I f you could manag e t o ride ten miles without fatigue , I feel prett y sur e you woul d fee l repai d fo r th e trouble. " I n anothe r lette r sh e won dered, " I know tha t you d o bot h wip e out you r drawer s occasionally , but hav e yo u eve r take n th e drawer s ou t an d wipe d unde r & behind them, a s shoul d b e don e alway s once a year?" A fe w week s late r sh e commented, " I am gla d yo u go t a dress a t Libertys bu t a m surprise d you didn' t ge t i t lighter , an d dy e i t when i t soiled . I don't doub t i t i s charming." 39 Mrs. Almy' s concern s focuse d o n trivia l matters , an d he r daugh ters wer e probabl y no t undul y distresse d b y he r suggestions . Bu t sixteen-year-old Josephin e Herbs t though t sh e coul d neve r pleas e her mother: "I'v e tried but it don't work. The mor e I try—I've give n up. Wheneve r I dus t M . [Mother ] o r someon e look s a t me , whe n I neglect fo r on e da y t o get dinne r a heap o f abus e i s pile d o n me." 40 Annie Winso r Alle n probabl y fel t th e sam e wa y whe n he r mothe r exhorted he r t o b e "fastidious " abou t he r ow n roo m an d persona l grooming, an d criticize d he r desultory respons e t o a request t o clea n another roo m a t home , referrin g t o "ho w superficially , i f a t all , yo u had attended t o it when I asked you to do so." 41 Yet , as the precedin g examples demonstrate , superficia l conflict s o f thi s natur e di d no t

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necessarily defin e th e essenc e o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p for youn g women , no r di d the y represen t th e mos t troublin g issue s for mother s an d daughter s generally . In 192 5 a grou p o f graduat e student s reporte d tha t a s adolescents , they ha d foun d idea s abou t se x an d religio n th e mos t difficul t t o discuss wit h thei r mothers , whil e problem s o f dres s wer e th e leas t difficult t o tal k about. 42 Althoug h thes e findings pertaine d t o a ver y small, selec t sampl e o f highl y educated , middle-clas s youn g women , numerous reference s t o materna l advic e an d indulgenc e with regar d to daughters' clothing sugges t tha t it was indeed eas y and natura l fo r adolescent youn g wome n t o consul t thei r mother s abou t matter s o f dress. Whil e othe r aspect s o f teenage d daughters ' experiences i n th e era o f th e "ne w woman, " suc h a s extende d secondar y education , might diffe r fro m th e experience s o f thei r mothers , her e was a shared female interes t that linked th e generations. Som e mothers apparentl y enjoyed th e rol e o f fashio n consultan t an d too k pleasur e i n dressin g their daughter s attractively , whil e th e latte r wer e equall y please d b y maternal interes t i n thi s aspec t o f thei r lives . Fo r example , Mau d Rittenhouse wa s delighted tha t he r mothe r propose d t o buy he r "th e lovely crushe d crea m ros e . . . t o wea r t o th e gran d reception" ; sh e was equall y please d wit h " a charming ne w cream-colore d lac e bunt ing" and a "fluff y pin k law n pilin g o n lace " with " a dainty bonne t t o match." 43 Letter s fro m daughter s wh o wer e awa y at boarding schoo l or colleg e ofte n containe d description s o f ne w clothe s a s wel l a s requests fo r advic e (an d financial assistance ) regardin g shoppin g ex cursions. Bot h th e ton e an d frequenc y o f suc h discussion s reflecte d the assumptio n tha t thes e wer e matter s o f mutua l interest , an d in deed tha t mothers expecte d t o be involved i n such decisions. 44 Although mother s an d daughter s clearl y share d a n interest i n thi s area, clothe s coul d b e a seriou s matter . Care y Thomas' s sensibl e Quaker mother did no t believe in following fashio n an d tried to dress her daughter s plainly . Bu t whe n fifteen-year-old Care y refuse d t o attend a literar y societ y meetin g o n th e ground s tha t sh e woul d b e the onl y perso n i n a dres s withou t a n overskirt , Mrs . Thoma s re lented: "M y mother wa s so distresse d b y this incident tha t she imme diately bough t m e dresse s wit h overskirt s an d fro m thi s time dresse d me an d m y younge r sister s lik e othe r children, " he r daughte r re -

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membered. "Sh e wa s th e mos t logica l o f person s an d reall y reason able. Sh e wa s convinced tha t she ha d don e wron g an d th e battl e wa s fought onc e an d fo r all." 45 Another mothe r wa s greatly distresse d b y her daughter's apparen t carelessness about he r appearance whe n sh e had appropriat e ne w outfit s fro m whic h t o choose . "Ho w coul d yo u wear you r ol d blu e dres s abou t anywhere?** Anni e Winso r Allen' s mother aske d he r daughter , wh o wa s travelin g i n Englan d i n 1885 . "After al l th e pain s w e too k (Aun t E. ) t o suppl y yo u wit h plent y o f suitable costume s i t i s tryin g t o hav e yo u goin g abou t i n tha t thin g that was not fit to wear out of you r bathroom? Ho w did i t happen?" 46 As th e 192 5 surve y suggested , adolescen t daughter s an d thei r mothers communicated fa r less comfortably abou t matter s pertainin g to sex tha n they did abou t wearing apparel. This findin g underscore s an issue of relevanc e t o earlier generations o f mother s and daughter s as well . Intergenerationa l communicatio n problem s regardin g th e "facts o f life " wer e no t ne w t o th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n the earl y decade s o f th e twentiet h century . Durin g th e previou s cen tury, sexualit y wa s generall y considere d a n inappropriat e subjec t fo r discussion, an d eve n privat e letter s an d diarie s tende d t o refe r t o pregnancy i n crypti c terms , i f a t all. 47 Nineteenth-centur y physician s had deplored materna l reluctanc e t o prepare daughters fo r the phys ical changes o f pubert y an d describe d th e difficultie s experience d b y young wome n whos e prudis h mother s kep t the m ignoran t of wha t t o expect. 48 Prescriptiv e literatur e directe d t o wome n als o addresse d this problem. 49 A surve y o f marrie d wome n conducte d b y Dr . Cleli a Mosher betwee n 189 2 an d 192 0 provide d additiona l corroboration . Of a total of forty-fiv e respondents , forty-thre e bor n before 189 0 and thirty-three bor n befor e 1870 , onl y fourtee n ha d discusse d sexua l physiology befor e marriage , an d onl y si x o f thos e ha d discusse d th e topic wit h thei r mothers . On e woma n wh o wa s marrie d i n 188 2 reported tha t her mother, who was herself a physician, refuse d t o tell her anything . Th e mothe r o f anothe r woma n sai d tha t suc h thing s were no t eve n t o b e though t abou t le t alon e discussed . Whil e on e respondent di d repor t a fran k conversatio n wit h he r mothe r an d another receive d informatio n fro m bot h he r mothe r an d friends , apparently mos t women , lik e th e mothe r o f Mar y Ezi t Bulkley , re garded th e subjec t as taboo. 50 These experience s wer e no t unique . Josephin e Herbs t wa s com -

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pletely unprepare d whe n sh e bega n t o menstruat e a t th e ag e o f eleven. He r mothe r onl y cautione d he r t o b e mor e carefu l durin g her perio d an d expresse d he r ow n feelin g tha t i t had happene d to o soon. Although sh e trie d t o get mor e information , sh e found tha t th e library ha d littl e t o offe r an d sh e wa s uncomfortable abou t herself. 51 An entr y i n Marion Taylor's diary suggest s that she fel t unable t o ask her mothe r abou t suc h matters : "Ther e ar e s o man y thing s I don' t understand—things abou t life— I don' t lik e t o as k mother—it' s m y funny dispositio n bu t I can't make mysel f ask her," she wrote. 52 Afte r a disturbing conversatio n o n th e subjec t with another youn g woman , Maud Rittenhous e finally discusse d sex , a t the ag e o f seventeen , no t with he r mothe r bu t wit h a marrie d frien d wh o wa s sensitiv e t o he r concerns: "Alic e coul d no t chang e th e inevitabl e t o b e sure, " sh e wrote i n he r diary , "bu t sh e talke d i n suc h a delicat e an d sweet , womanly wa y wit h me , . . . tha t althoug h I crie d som e I didn' t fee l utterly wounde d t o th e heart' s cor e a s I ha d afte r Eva' s shocks. " Nevertheless, sh e note d tha t sh e la y awak e ver y lat e "tryin g t o b e brave enough t o face wha t seemed horribl e realities." 53 Although i t wa s considere d appropriat e fo r a mothe r t o hav e " a little talk " wit h he r daughte r befor e sh e wa s married , mos t wome n apparently wer e reluctan t t o provid e an y substantia l informatio n o n the subjec t o f marita l relationships . Som e fel t tha t "prenuptia l reve lations" woul d tarnis h a youn g girl' s innocence . France s Parkinso n Keys, marrie d i n 1904 , recalle d he r anxiet y an d puzzlemen t a s a nineteen-year-old brid e wh o kne w almos t nothin g about th e physica l aspects o f marriag e becaus e he r mothe r wa s to o embarrasse d t o enlighten her. 54 Edith Wharton ha d a similar experience when , at the age o f twenty-four , i n 1895 , sh e aske d he r mothe r t o tel l he r "wha t marriage wa s reall y like. " He r mothe r foun d thi s a ridiculou s ques tion an d woul d tel l he r only tha t she mus t have see n enough picture s and statue s t o recogniz e th e differenc e betwee n me n an d women : "You can' t b e a s stupi d a s yo u pretend, " she chided . Obviousl y suc h conversations provide d n o reassurance fo r apprehensive young women. Wharton's biograph y indicate s tha t her mother's response, which wa s not unusua l amon g societ y mother s o f th e day , als o ha d a long-ter m negative impac t on he r life. 55 Maternal reticenc e regardin g th e "fact s of life " even characterize d women wh o tende d t o b e mor e understandin g an d sympatheti c tha n

Left: Ann e Ben t War e Winso r (mother of Anni e Winso r Allen ) and daughter Mary . (Th e Schlesin ger Library , Radcliff e College )

Above: Mar y Simkhovitch wit h he r daughter Helena . (Th e Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College ) Left: Mar y Kenne y O'Sulliva n an d her daughter. (Th e Schlesinge r Li brary, Radcliff e College )

Left: Ethe l Sturges Dummer with daughters Marion an d Katherine, 1894 . (The Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College ) Below: Mrs. Hugh Cabot (Mary Anderson Boit ) and daughte r Mary, on "the grand tour,*' 1924. (The Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College )

Minnie Roo p Millett e wit h daugh ter Nancy, dresse d fo r Hallowe'en . (The Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College)

Jessie Tarbox Beal s and infan t daughter Nanette , 1911 . (The Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e Col lege)

Below: Jessi e Tarbo x Beal s an d Nanette. (Th e Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College ) Facing: Jessi e Tarbo x Beal s and a very grown-u p Nanette . (Th e Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e Col lege)

Above: Charlott e Perkin s Gil man wit h photograp h o f he r mother, 1915 . (The Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College ) Right: Charlott e Perkin s Gil man an d he r daughter , 1893 . (The Schlesinge r Library , Rad cliffe College )

Catharine McCulloug h Sprat t attending he r first women' s con vention, o n he r mother' s lap , 1901. (Th e Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College )

Facing: Mrs. Mayer and Daughter, oil on canvas . Amm i Phillips . (Th e Metropolitan Museu m o f Art, Gif t of Edga r William s an d Bernic e Chrysler Garbisch , 1962 ) Above: The Bedroom, oil on canvas , c. 1660 . Piete r d e Hooch . (Nationa l Gallery o f Art , Washington , D.C. , Widener Collection )

Below: Mother and Children, 1874. Pierr e August e Renoir . (Copyright © T he Fric k Collec tion, Ne w York ) Right: The Bellelli Family: Detail, 1860-62, oil . Edga r Degas . (Paris, Muse e d'Orsay )

The Stocking, 1890. Mar y Cassatt. (The Georg e A . Luca s Collectio n of Th e Marylan d Institute , Colleg e of Art , on indefinit e loa n t o Th e Baltimore Museu m o f Art .

L.33.53.516)

Mother and Child on Beach, oil o n canvas, c. 1860-70 . Jean Baptist e Camille Corot . (Philadelphi a Mu seum o f Art , Th e John G.Johnso n Collection)

Emma and Her Children, oil on canvas, 1923 . George Wesley Bellows. (Gift o f Subscribers and th e John Lowell Gardner Fund . Courtesy Museum of Fin e Arts, Boston)

After Supper She Curled Donna May's Hair up on an Iron, illustration , Sat urday Evenin g Post , Decembe r 18 , 1937. Norma n Rockwell . (Printe d by permissio n o f th e Estat e of Nor man Rockwell . Copyrigh t © 1937 , Estate o f Norma n Rockwell )

Above: Portrait of Mrs. Burckhardt and Her Daughter, oi l on canvas , 1885. John Singe r Sargent. (Pri vate Collection. Photograp h cour tesy of Kenned y Galleries , Inc. , New York ) Right: Portrait of Countess Livia da Porto Thiene and Her Daughter Porzia, c. 1556 . Paol o Veronese . (Wal ters Art Gallery, Baltimore )

The Crochet Lesson, pastel, 1913 . Mary Cassatt . (Bonfin i Press , Brus sels)

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Edith Wharton' s mother . Whil e Care y Thomas' s mothe r wa s willin g to compromis e o n matter s o f dres s t o sav e he r daughte r fro m th e agony an d embarrassmen t o f bein g unfashionable , sh e apparentl y could no t brin g hersel f t o sav e he r fro m ignoranc e an d distres s regarding sex. When Carey and two friends decided tha t they neede d more informatio n abou t thes e matters , the y proceede d t o investigat e independently: " I had gotten Mr s What Women Should Know an d about fiftee n o f father' s medica l book s (h e wa s i n Ne w York ) an d w e began an d rea d til l 11:30 . The reaso n w e wishe d t o wa s i t seemed t o us we wer e ol d enoug h t o kno w al l abou t th e differen t force s o f life . . . . Afte r al l i n purel y natura l phenomen a wha t ca n b e degrading? " Despite thi s rationa l approach , th e youn g wome n evidentl y learne d more tha n the y eithe r neede d o r wante d t o know : "Bu t positivel y after w e had done w e did no t say much, we could not , th e revelation s of vic e an d hatefu l disgustin g thing s tha t w e ha d no t th e faintes t conception eve r existe d wer e to o much , bu t I wen t t o be d sick." 56 This reaction , lik e Mau d Rittenhouse' s referenc e t o "horribl e reali ties," underscore s th e lac k o f mother-daughte r communicatio n o n this topic . Ye t apparentl y Maud' s mothe r di d discus s som e delicat e matters with her, as the following observatio n indicates : "Today I am soul-sick over som e thing s Mam a tol d me . Sh e ha s bee n workin g with dauntless energ y an d determinatio n i n socia l purit y work . Sh e tol d me o f som e o f th e thing s tha t compelled he r t o do it , tha t taugh t he r the fearfu l need." 57 Even whe n mother s wer e willin g t o tal k abou t thes e matters , th e discussions wer e no t necessaril y candi d o r productive . On e youn g woman wa s indignan t becaus e he r mothe r defende d th e notio n o f a double standar d o f chastit y fo r me n an d women . Sh e refuse d t o accept th e argument tha t a wife mus t kee p he r husban d happ y o r h e will see k satisfactio n elsewhere , an d sh e insiste d tha t sh e woul d leav e such a man. 58 Afte r he r engagement , Hele n Swet t discusse d birt h control indirectl y with he r mother , wh o hope d tha t he r daughte r would no t find hersel f i n a positio n wher e sh e woul d hav e t o wor k when sh e wa s "no t i n a conditio n t o d o so. " I n respons e t o he r daughter's observation tha t it was not necessary t o have a family unti l one wa s read y t o d o so , he r mothe r replie d tha t thi s "wa s a matte r some peopl e coul d regulat e an d other s coul d not " and tha t sh e her self ha d bee n on e o f th e latter. Bu t Hele n an d he r fiance ha d alread y

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discussed thi s matter , an d sh e fel t certai n tha t they woul d hav e mor e success with famil y planning , althoug h sh e "though t i t bette r no t t o rouse he r [mother's ] curiosit y b y makin g an y boasts." 59 I n contrast , however, Mar y Smith Costelloe tol d her mother in 188 8 quite directl y that sh e an d he r husban d wer e usin g abstinenc e a s a means o f birt h control, whic h suggest s tha t some mothers , and marrie d daughters at least, fel t mor e comfortable abou t discussing thes e matters. 60 While th e biologica l aspect s o f gende r relation s wer e generall y avoided, lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-centur y mother s an d daughters di d tal k abou t othe r component s o f courtshi p an d mar riage. I n he r surve y o f th e histor y o f courtshi p i n America , Elle n Rothman argue s tha t durin g th e firs t two-third s o f th e nineteent h century, youn g wome n di d no t shar e th e detail s o f thei r interaction s with th e opposit e se x wit h thei r mothers , wh o ha d t o car e fo r larg e families an d thu s could no t devote muc h attentio n t o these concerns . Rothman suggest s tha t thi s situation change d i n the decades after th e Civil War , a s youn g wome n bega n t o see k materna l advic e abou t these matters , an d smalle r familie s allowe d mother s th e luxur y o f developing th e sor t o f intimat e relation s wit h thei r daughter s tha t would foste r suc h confidences. 61 Clear evidenc e o f confidentia l mother-daughte r interaction s sup ports th e contentio n tha t th e las t decade s o f th e nineteent h centur y witnessed thi s type of communication. Fro m the age of sixteen, Mau d Rittenhouse share d th e intricat e detail s of he r romanti c relationship s with he r devote d mother , wh o encourage d he r patientl y an d wit h good humor , invite d he r mal e friend s t o dinner, advise d whe n i t was appropriate t o writ e t o them , an d eve n visite d on e youn g ma n whe n he wa s ill . Mau d relie d o n he r mother' s judgment i n matter s o f th e heart. Sh e share d th e lov e letter s sh e received , confide d he r feeling s of doub t an d confusion , an d hope d tha t her mother would thin k well of he r suitors. 62 Althoug h o n a t leas t on e occasio n he r patienc e threatened t o giv e out , Mrs. Rittenhous e remaine d a mode l o f sym pathy an d understanding , an d a sourc e o f unfailin g suppor t whil e her daughte r agonize d a t lengt h ove r he r feeling s fo r on e long suffering youn g man : "Abou t Elme r i t seems s o sad , bu t Mau d I d o not believ e yo u wil l eve r lov e hi m a s yo u ought , t o marr y him . . . . Feeling a s yo u d o yo u mus t no t le t thing s g o o n a s the y hav e done . . . . Do no t thin k dea r chil d tha t I am censurin g you . . . . Somehow I

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have neve r fel t tha t yo u coul d lov e him , muc h a s I hav e wante d yo u to. Go d hel p yo u t o d o right , m y dea r dea r littl e daughter." 63 Whe n Maud finally decide d t o marr y anothe r youn g man , he r mothe r wa s delighted wit h he r choice : "Whe n I tol d Mam a thi s mornin g sh e fairly crie d wit h happiness , fo r sh e love s hi m dearly, " she note d wit h pleasure. "Mam a is almost mor e franti c over hi m tha n I." 64 Although sh e wa s mor e restraine d i n he r confidences , Ell a Lyma n also relie d o n he r mother' s guidanc e a s sh e struggle d t o understan d her feeling s fo r Richar d Cabot . I n a troubled lette r marked "Private," she confided : " I wanted t o tell yo u tha t Richard love s me;—perhap s you kne w i t before . . . . I hav e not accepted hi m I coul d no t the n & cannot now ; i t mean s to o much . . . . H e i s m y bes t friend . . . . W e have man y interest s i n common & strong tie s and I trust him utterly , but I do no t lov e hi m a s I love you & Papa." She too k comfor t i n he r mother's understandin g answer : "Than k you , deares t Mamm a fo r your lovel y note . I t was just lik e you, and wil l hel p m e ver y much." 65 Their discussio n abou t Richar d wa s lengthy an d serious . Ell a foun d it very difficul t t o contemplate th e ide a o f separatio n fro m he r hom e and parents , and although sh e desperately wanted he r mother's guid ance, sh e hesitate d t o worry her . "Yo u tol d m e t o tel l yo u everythin g & no w tha t I hav e yo u mus t no t le t i t mak e yo u worrie d o r I shal l regret it, " sh e wrot e anxiously . I t wa s easie r fo r he r t o pu t he r feelings i n writin g tha n t o tal k abou t the m a s he r anxiet y escalated : "I a m goin g t o writ e al l thi s t o you , becaus e i f I trie d t o spea k I a m afraid I shoul d brea k dow n & not sa y al l I want . . . . I mus t decid e today whethe r I can le t Richar d g o awa y or not . I don't wan t t o hav e him g o an d the n b e alway s sorry fo r it , nor t o give hi m al l th e adde d extra lonelines s & suffering. " Undoubtedl y he r mothe r di d worry , despite Ella' s injunctio n t o th e contrary , a s sh e contemplate d he r answer t o her daughter's reques t fo r advic e on he r dilemma: " I don't want marriag e i n itsel f & rather drea d it , bu t onl y Richard' s lov e & the servic e o f God . D o yo u thin k no w deares t tha t I ought t o wai t o r not? I feel first one wa y & then th e other & I want your hel p thoug h I canno t bea r t o ad d anxiet y t o m y lovel y delicat e mother." 66 He r "lovely delicat e mother " wa s indee d long-suffering , a s Ella' s court ship extende d ove r a perio d o f almos t si x year s unti l sh e finally married Richar d Cabo t in 1894 . Like Ell a Lyman , Aff a Mine r wa s uncertai n abou t th e natur e o f

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her feeling s whe n sh e receive d a proposa l o f marriage , an d sh e to o sought he r mother' s guidance . "Mr . Tuttl e ha s opene d hi s min d t o Affa bu t sh e doe s no t see m t o reciprocate—entirely . I do no t kno w what wil l be th e result, " Mrs. Mine r wrot e t o another daughter . "I t is now lef t i n a n uncertai n state— I tol d he r t o tak e tim e & conside r upon it . Sh e think s hi s manner s ar e [unclear ] but h e wil l improv e al l the tim e by going int o societ y & c &c."67 While al l late nineteenth-centur y mother s wer e no t calle d upo n t o help daughter s cop e wit h a s man y suitor s a s Mau d Rittenhous e ac quired o r doubts a s profoun d a s Ella Lyma n an d Aff a Mine r experi enced, i t was no t unusua l fo r the m t o be consulted o n matter s o f th e heart. Elle n Hal e kep t he r mothe r wel l informe d wit h regar d t o he r preferences amon g th e male s o f he r acquaintance . Afte r a n encoun ter wit h a youn g ma n whos e interes t ha d previousl y distresse d her , she reported : "Well , h e sai d an d di d nothin g t o giv e m e th e leas t uneasiness, fro m whic h I augu r wel l fo r th e future." 68 Mrs . Hal e acknowledged he r daughter's negativ e opinio n o f another gentlema n when sh e share d th e new s o f a n acquaintance' s engagement . "Onl y think of Lil y Rogers being engaged, an d to the very man you dreaded!" she exclaimed. 69 Both o f th e Hill s sister s discusse d thei r relationship s wit h th e opposite se x wit h thei r mother . " I receive d a ver y nic e lette r fro m John H . las t week," Mar y reported . "D o you thin k ther e i s any har m in m y writin g t o him ? I f yo u d o I won't bu t o f cours e I do no t writ e anything that he could hav e any cause to make fun of." A few month s later she aske d th e sam e questio n again : "You haven't written m e ye t about m y writing t o John I only hop e yo u wil l say I can for of cours e I won t writ e anythin g tha t I wouldn' t wan t anyon e t o se e an d h e wants t o writ e ver y much. " A yea r later , sh e confide d he r concer n over th e fac t tha t "Mr . W. " would b e jealous i f sh e pai d attentio n t o other youn g men . "Yo u se e don' t yo u Mamm a ho w i t is ? . . . I don' t feel a s if I had ha d an y reall y ga y youn g lad y time s an d I do wan t t o have som e nex t winte r an d I don' t wan t Mr . W . t o fee l tha t h e i s being slighte d al l th e time, " she explained. 70 Emil y Hill s share d th e news o f he r engagemen t wit h he r mothe r befor e sh e tol d anyon e else: "Her e i s somethin g whic h ma y no t wholl y surpris e you , bu t perhaps yo u wil l b e gla d t o kno w th e trut h fro m m e an d kee p i t t o your sel f pleas e whil e I write yo u wha t Dr . Perr y an d I decide abou t

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having a n announcemen t mad e o f ou r engagement . . . and I beg o f you don't pleas e eve n tel l pap a unti l I writ e yo u again . . . . Yo u ca n not disapprov e I am ver y sur e an d I think yo u wil l find hi m a n idea l son-in-law." She als o confided he r intentio n t o see a "woman physician to find ou t wha t is the matter (if ) [with ] me," and sh e added : " I hav e ever s o muc h t o tal k wit h yo u abou t bu t I don' t lik e t o pu t i t o n paper." 71 O n he r weddin g day , sh e tol d he r mothe r i n confidenc e where sh e woul d b e spendin g th e first nigh t o f he r honeymoon : "Announce thi s at the breakfast table tomorrow morning , an d do no t tell anyone bu t Pap a when yo u g o to bed tonight, " she requested. 72 Although middle-clas s protoco l regardin g th e propriet y o f corre sponding an d socializin g wit h mal e friend s relaxe d somewha t afte r the tur n o f th e century , youn g wome n migh t stil l see k thei r mothers ' advice i n thi s area. Som e mother s responde d t o daughters' ideas an d attitudes abou t me n wit h ambivalenc e o r disapproval . Eve n thos e who migh t sympathize wit h unconventional aspiration s i n other area s could reac t i n a mor e traditiona l manne r wher e relationship s wit h the opposit e se x wer e concerned . Whil e a mothe r migh t understan d and foste r a daughter' s interes t i n education , fo r example , a t th e same tim e sh e coul d disapprov e o f behavio r tha t violate d th e estab lished Victoria n socia l conventions surroundin g gende r relationships , even whe n a young woma n wa s lon g pas t adolescence. 73 Anni e Win sor Allen' s mothe r wrot e testil y t o he r daughter , age d twenty-seven : "I don' t se e wh y yo u shoul d g o t o Churc h wit h a youn g ma n an y more tha n t o a concert; . . . I' d rathe r you' d g o t o th e Tuckermans ' with you r Uncle." 74 Josephin e Herbst' s mothe r encourage d he r daughters to pursue everything they desired—career, marriage, family— and stresse d th e nee d fo r excitemen t i n life . Ye t whe n Josephin e wrote fro m colleg e tha t sh e ha d gon e o n a nigh t picni c i n a ravin e with a youn g man , he r mother' s ambivalen t repl y reveale d he r ow n reluctance t o sanctio n behavio r tha t s o clearl y violate d th e conven tional cod e o f ladylik e behavior : "D o you g o alone with a young ma n on moonligh t picnic s in dee p ravines ? Tha t sound s nic e bu t surel y i t is not the thing to do." 75 Even Ethe l Sturge s Dummer , a particularl y toleran t an d under standing mother , coul d b e apprehensiv e abou t he r daughters ' mor e casual interaction s wit h youn g men. 76 Whe n he r younges t daughte r Frances reporte d a conversation sh e ha d wit h anothe r youn g woma n

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about "flirting, " and aske d he r mothe r if it was wrong fo r th e friend , whose ow n mothe r "ha s no t he r confidence, " t o engag e i n thi s activ ity, Mrs. Dummer wa s alarmed b y the nature of the question. France s hastened t o reassur e her : "Mothe r dear—Yo u ar e al l off th e trac k i f you thin k I have bee n havin g a n 'Affair ' a s you cal l it . . . . There wa s never an y question i n m y min d a s to spooning bein g wron g fo r me , I never woul d thin k o f doin g it. " With regar d t o he r friend' s defens e of flirting, sh e continued : "An d I don t thin k either , tha t i t woul d lower m y standar d i f I trie d jus t t o understand , no t t o accep t he r point o f view . . . . No-[body ] eve r trie d t o tak e an y libertie s wit h me . . . . Neithe r hav e I eve r though t tha t I wa s i n lov e o r tha t anybod y was in love wit h me." 77 The sor t of materna l apprehensio n t o which France s Dummer wa s responding mirrore d a mor e genera l societa l concer n abou t deterio rating moral s durin g th e first tw o decade s o f th e twentiet h century . Organized effort s t o control publi c morals , including th e behavior o f women, durin g th e Progressiv e er a reflected majo r changes i n sexua l behavior a s youn g wome n adopte d habit s o f dres s an d conduc t tha t would hav e bee n unthinkabl e throughou t mos t o f th e nineteent h century. Thes e change s als o include d th e blurrin g of th e distinction s between youn g an d middle-age d wome n i n "silhouette , dress , an d cosmetics."78 Ye t th e valu e syste m di d no t kee p pac e wit h th e changes, and conventiona l mora l value s continue d t o defin e th e life-style s o f most middle-clas s America n women. 79 Henc e whil e mother s migh t embrace, o r a t leas t acquiesc e in , daughters ' desire s fo r highe r edu cation an d interestin g jobs , the y migh t b e mor e reluctan t t o len d their suppor t t o unconventiona l behavio r wit h men , eithe r becaus e they actuall y disapprove d o r becaus e the y fel t constraine d t o uphol d social expectations i n thi s particularl y delicat e area. 80 While conventiona l middle-clas s value s certainl y determine d i n part th e natur e o f mother-daughte r interaction s regardin g th e op posite sex , othe r factor s als o cam e int o play . Fo r example , Mario n Taylor's feeling s abou t me n wer e complicate d b y th e fac t tha t he r divorced fathe r objecte d t o fulfillin g hi s financial obligation s t o th e family, an d sh e contraste d hi s recalcitranc e unfavorabl y wit h he r mother's dedicatio n an d support. 81 A t th e ag e o f fourteen , Mario n "thought me n wer e lik e animals, " and he r mothe r "nearl y ha d a fit." The followin g yea r she ha d "design s on ever y male " she saw, and he r

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mother tease d he r abou t he r searc h fo r th e "mode l boy. " Mario n hoped t o mee t a man wh o woul d shar e he r intellectua l interests , bu t her mothe r maintaine d tha t a woman mus t "submerg e he r personal ity" afte r marriag e an d tha t n o ma n woul d "rea d an d tal k abou t serious thing s wit h a woman. " The y argue d frequentl y abou t Mar ion's "romanti c tendencies" : " I neve r tel l he r anythin g abou t m y affairs i n tha t lin e becaus e sh e lecture s m e ever y tim e I do . . . . Sh e says tha t i f I' m gettin g sill y an d boy-struck , ther e isn' t an y us e plan ning fo r college . Just becaus e a girl o f 1 8 wh o ha s neve r know n an y boys i n he r lif e want s t o kno w som e sh e talk s tha t way ! I t make s m e so mad tha t I am rendered fairl y speechless." 82 No doub t he r mother's contradictory reaction s t o such expression s of growin g interes t i n young me n reflecte d he r ow n negativ e experi ence o f marriag e an d th e fea r tha t he r daughte r migh t mak e a mistake a s she had . The y probabl y als o reflected th e confusion man y women mus t have experienced i n a cultural climate tha t directed ne w attention t o wome n a s individual s an d simultaneousl y articulate d support fo r olde r Victoria n socia l mores . I t i s difficult, i f no t impos sible, t o imagin e conventiona l nineteenth-centur y mother s offerin g such mixe d message s abou t the importance o f men . Annie Winso r Allen' s mothe r focuse d no t o n th e importanc e o f men, bu t o n th e importanc e o f he r daughte r whe n sh e tol d he r future son-in-la w bluntly : " I find i t har d t o believ e thoroughl y i n spite o f al l I know , tha t an y ma n ca n b e quit e goo d enoug h t o giv e her to . Stil l I assure yo u tha t I am well satisfie d an d conten t wit h he r decision." 83 Mrs . Winsor revealed he r own concern wit h middle-clas s standards o f propriet y i n he r definit e objection s t o othe r aspect s o f Annie's marriag e plans—sh e though t i t wa s unfortunat e tha t th e engagement an d th e weddin g shoul d b e planne d s o clos e togethe r and tha t th e youn g coupl e shoul d b e able t o "evade th e wishe s o f th e old an d absent " as the y mad e thei r arrangements . "Darlin g don' t b e vexed wit h me, " sh e begged . "O f cours e I kno w i t i s al l fo r yo u t o decide bu t I kno w yo u ar e a littl e wil d an d I can' t hel p wantin g t o save yo u fro m mistakes . Lov e t o Joe—I don' t thin k yo u nee d sho w him al l I write," she added. 84 Ellen Rothma n contends that the tendency t o seek materna l advic e about lov e an d marriag e wa s confine d t o onl y a brie f historica l pe riod, an d i t decline d amon g youn g wome n wh o cam e o f ag e afte r

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1900 i n th e contex t o f a n increasingl y urba n societ y tha t encom passed ne w leisur e outlet s suc h a s th e automobile , an d th e influenc e of a n expandin g pee r culture . Sh e offer s som e evidenc e t o suppor t this suggestion , bu t point s ou t correctl y tha t thi s ne w reticenc e wa s certainly no t universal. 85 N o doub t man y girl s share d Mario n Tay lor^ aversio n t o materna l lecture s o n th e subjec t o f male-femal e interactions, bu t others , lik e France s Dummer , continue d t o see k their mothers ' advic e o n thi s subjec t despit e th e potentia l fo r awk wardness an d disapproval . Thi s aspec t o f mother-daughte r interac tions seem s t o mirro r th e transitiona l characte r o f a n er a i n whic h both youn g an d matur e wome n wer e involve d i n th e confusin g pro cess of choosin g betwee n th e traditiona l an d moder n value s t o whic h their culture expose d them . The foregoin g example s sugges t tha t a blend o f tensio n and intimac y defined th e relationship s o f adolescen t daughter s an d thei r mother s in middle-clas s America n familie s durin g th e decade s betwee n 188 0 and 1920 . Illustration s o f conflict , man y time s ove r superficia l mat ters, an d reticence , ofte n with regar d t o mor e substantiv e issues , indicate tha t mother-daughte r interaction s coul d b e a source o f anxi ety an d stres s fo r bot h generations . Bu t othe r evidenc e document s instances o f clos e communicatio n an d sympatheti c understanding , which impl y tha t a mothe r coul d indee d b e a "girl's bes t friend, " a s the titl e o f a contemporar y magazin e articl e suggested. 86 I n eithe r case, thes e example s clearl y underscor e th e importanc e attribute d t o the relationshi p b y adolescen t daughter s a s the y confronte d th e countless dilemma s tha t characteriz e th e proces s o f th e transitio n from girlhoo d t o adulthood . A certai n elemen t o f intergenerationa l tensio n woul d appear t o b e almost unavoidabl e a s youn g wome n begi n t o tes t thei r changin g perceptions o f sel f an d personhood , an d thei r mother s begi n t o acknowledge, ofte n reluctantly , th e resultin g inevitabl e alteratio n o f their culturall y prescribe d supervisor y roles. 87 Severa l characteristic s of nineteenth-centur y America n child-rearin g probabl y contribute d to thi s predispositio n towar d conflic t specificall y durin g th e perio d 1880-1920. Middle-clas s parent s seem t o have utilized a combination of permissiveness , affection , littl e o r n o physica l coercion , an d th e expectation tha t rule s woul d b e internalize d t o socializ e youn g chil -

"A GIRL' S BES T FRIEND "

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dren. 88 Althoug h thi s patter n ma y hav e succeede d earlie r i n th e nineteenth century , a daughter entering adolescence i n th e era of th e "new woman " migh t questio n man y o f th e rule s sh e ha d automati cally followed a s a child, and thu s experience considerabl e confusion . A negativ e materna l reactio n t o thi s ne w behavio r coul d injec t addi tional confusio n an d migh t als o produc e majo r mother-daughte r conflict. Agains t a historical backgroun d marke d b y major transition s in women' s role s an d experiences , an d b y intens e cultura l anxiet y over th e implication s o f thos e transitions , then , th e experienc e o f adolescence migh t be especially difficult fo r both mother s and daugh ters. While th e socia l an d cultura l matri x almos t certainl y fostere d th e development o f som e degre e o f mother-daughte r conflic t through out th e fou r decade s precedin g 1920 , th e impac t mus t hav e bee n particularly pronounce d befor e th e tur n o f th e century , whe n moth ers' own experience s of Victoria n socializatio n stil l contrasted sharpl y with th e ne w idea s an d behavior s t o whic h thei r daughter s wer e exposed. Suc h a situatio n ma y describ e th e relationshi p betwee n Mary Anderso n Boi t an d he r mother , whos e comment s abou t givin g up he r effort s "t o mak e a lady " o f he r earl y adolescen t daughte r suggest a lingerin g Victoria n mentality . Similarly , th e influenc e o f nineteenth-century socializatio n regardin g th e necessit y t o avoi d ope n discussions o f se x clearl y contribute d directl y t o materna l reluctanc e to educat e daughter s abou t thi s componen t o f lov e an d marriage , although the y wer e apparentl y comfortabl e dealin g wit h othe r as pects o f courtship . Tha t influenc e ma y hav e als o cause d mother s t o feel guilt y abou t thei r ow n sexua l feelings , whic h i n tur n coul d mak e them eve n mor e unwillin g t o recogniz e an d acknowledg e thei r daughters' natural curiosity about thi s delicate area . Other cultura l factor s coul d als o caus e problems . Som e post-Civi l War advic e abou t carin g fo r youn g childre n advocate d th e impor tance o f unrestricted , activ e childhood s fo r girl s a s wel l a s boys , bu t young wome n wer e expecte d t o confor m t o mor e feminin e role s a s they reache d adolescence . I f mother s followe d thi s advice , i t coul d lead t o majo r conflict, a s the shoc k o f th e transitio n t o th e sex-linke d restrictions o f adolescenc e i n th e lat e nineteenth-centur y contex t o f changing femal e image s woul d ver y likel y produc e a rebelliou s daughter. 89 Th e tren d towar d "scientific " motherhoo d an d th e ne w

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emphasis o n th e significanc e o f adolescence , particularl y a s i t wa s experienced b y girls, ma y hav e give n mother s ne w impetu s t o fuss a t daughters an d worr y about insignificant aspect s of thei r behavior . Most likely, women experience d a significant amoun t of apprehen sion an d ambivalenc e abou t man y differen t issue s tha t aros e a s thei r daughters entere d thei r teen s an d move d towar d youn g adulthood . On on e hand , a mothe r migh t fea r tha t ne w an d corrup t influence s would violat e everythin g sh e ha d bee n brough t u p t o believ e wit h regard t o th e prope r socializatio n o f youn g women . Conversely , sh e might find th e ide a o f ne w freedo m enticin g o r a t leas t partiall y attractive, fo r he r daughte r an d fo r hersel f a s well, but she could als o be uncertain . Th e resultin g materna l confusio n coul d easil y sen d mixed message s t o an adolescent daughte r wh o was already confuse d by he r ow n thought s an d feelings , an d thu s creat e o r escalat e inter generational tensions . How importan t wa s th e antagonis m betwee n mother s an d adoles cent daughters ? An d ho w di d the y resolv e thei r difficulties ? I n th e context o f th e smaller , isolate d nuclea r famil y tha t typifie d middle class life a t the tur n o f th e century an d beyond , adolescen t daughter s recognized an d acknowledge d th e centralit y o f th e mother-daughte r relationship t o thei r lives . The y worrie d abou t th e tension s the y felt , and the y value d th e intimac y the y developed . Despit e thei r conflicts , most mother s an d daughter s apparentl y share d a t leas t a fe w inter ests, an d som e communicate d easil y abou t a wid e rang e o f issues . However, i n othe r case s th e tension s remaine d unresolved , a s Edit h Wharton's experienc e suggests . Often , th e issue s tha t provoke d con flict wer e no t reall y significant , an d th e relationshi p remaine d intact. But th e resolutio n o f mother-daughte r conflic t migh t becom e mor e difficult whe n adolescen t daughter s becam e youn g adult s an d chos e to engag e i n activitie s fo r whic h ther e wa s n o prio r preceden t i n female experience , suc h a s highe r educatio n an d professiona l ca reers. Th e nex t chapte r wil l examin e th e impac t o f thi s new , an d potentially more serious, test of the complicated bonds between mother s and daughters .

C H A P T E R5

" I A M S O GLA D YO U C O U L D GO T O C O L L E G E " : T H E " N E W W O M A N " AN D H E R M O T H E R

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HEN Louis e Mario n Boswort h entere d Wellesle y Colleg e in 1902 , she joined th e ranks of the small, but significant , vanguard of middle-class young women who attended college betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Thes e "ne w women " constitute d a group whose untraditional behavio r clearly and conclusively refute d conventional standard s an d expectation s fo r daughters— a grou p whose activities seemed particularl y likely to generate major motherdaughter conflic t o f th e sor t tha t elicite d s o muc h attentio n i n th e contemporary periodica l an d advic e literature . I t woul d no t hav e been surprisin g t o find tha t th e mother s o f thes e youn g wome n objected t o th e ne w pat h thei r offsprin g propose d t o follow . Bu t Eleanora Wheeler Bosworth was delighted that her daughter had the opportunity fo r highe r education: "Oh Louise, I believe yo u hav e a future befor e you, " she wrot e o n Decembe r 3 , 1902 . " I am proud , proud, prou d of m y girlie. . .. I am so glad you could go to college. . . . I feel sorry for these girls who have a mother so narrow, that they have to wait until they are married before they can do the things that young people love to do."1 Mrs. Bosworth was not alone in her enthusiasm for her daughter's educational an d professiona l aspirations . Suppor t fo r daughters ' goals and objective s i n th e fac e o f contradictor y societa l imperative s ha d characterized America n mothers' attitudes as early as the eighteent h century, when Eliza Lucas Pinckney "took equal pride in her daughter's Latin and in her management of the dairy," despite the prevailing concer n tha t to o muc h education woul d lea d wome n t o neglec t 9i

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their domesti c roles. 2 Th e famil y experience s o f Louis e Boswort h and man y of the other youn g women whos e educational and profes sional endeavor s collectivel y provoke d s o muc h publi c controvers y around th e tur n o f th e centur y reflecte d th e continuatio n o f thi s trend. Whil e tensio n an d conflic t certainl y wer e not absent fro m th e mother-daughter relationshi p during this period, particularly durin g the year s o f adolescence , America n mother s essentiall y functione d more a s mentor s fo r college-boun d daughter s tha n a s restrictiv e o r critical influence s o n thei r activities . Althoug h wome n misse d thei r daughters whe n the y left home , worried abou t their health and wellbeing, an d complaine d abou t variou s aspect s o f thei r behavior , ma ternal encouragement an d confidence actuall y played a vital enabling role in the process of daughters' taking advantage of the new options available to them. Louise Bosworth becam e a "college daughter" in the early years of the ne w century , approximatel y halfwa y throug h th e 1880-192 0 period. I n 190 2 a colleg e educatio n wa s no t quit e a s unusua l fo r a woman a s i t ha d bee n twent y year s earlier , bu t i t wa s fa r fro m a commonplace experience . Typically , i t wa s not th e elit e uppe r clas s American families , the wealthy "Brahmins," who sent their daughters to college, but it was members of the growing middle class who blazed this ne w trai l fo r women . Famil y backing , particularl y tha t o f a n enthusiastic mother, could be crucial fo r a daughter as she embarked on the new and distinctl y untraditional pat h t o higher education an d possibly a professional career. 3 Eleanora Boswort h provide d suc h support . He r stron g advocac y of college fo r he r daughte r pervade d thei r correspondence. " I hop e you wil l wor k har d i f yo u ar e abl e an d b e abl e t o graduat e [fro m preparatory school ] thi s year . Becaus e i f yo u ar e thinkin g o f eve r going to college you ough t t o be getting started," she advised Louis e on Octobe r 18 , 1901. 4 He r interes t i n her daughter's academic progress di d no t preclud e attentio n t o mor e mundan e matters : "You r marks I copied off. I wanted t o keep the original to compare with the future ones . I a m delighte d tha t i t i s s o grand . D o yo u no t tak e English? I feel you ought to. I presume you explained that to me, but I hav e forgotten . Yo u woul d bette r mar k you r pillo w cases." 5 Mrs . Bosworth's enthusiasm , sometime s accompanie d b y a wistfu l desir e to shar e he r daughter' s ne w life , continue d a s Louis e studie d a t

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Wellesley: "I feel greatly interested in all your talk about your college life, an d th e faculty , an d hop e yo u wil l tel l m e al l yo u d o an d al l about it," she commented. "Yo u girls must have great times. What a pity mothers can't go to college with their daughters. What fun the y might hav e together." 6 Sh e anxiousl y awaite d letter s fro m Louis e and anothe r daughter—"I t i s th e onl y wa y I liv e withou t yo u bot h from da y t o day." She also worried incessantl y abou t th e headache s (which plague d he r a s well), th e upse t stomachs , an d th e academi c burdens Louise described in her letters home.7 Mrs. Bosworth' s suppor t fo r he r daughter's endeavor s a s well as her attentio n t o Louise' s mor e prosai c need s continue d afte r he r daughter finished college. While her husband measured professiona l success mor e i n term s o f salary , sh e too k grea t prid e i n Louise' s developing career in social work: "I enjoyed reading the clipping you sent. . .. I feel prou d tha t I have a child who can do so much good. Every one i s not fitted for it , an d fe w woul d car e t o d o it . . .. I am trying t o fix you r dres s an d writ e a t once an d tel l m e exactl y ho w large you r bel t i s an d hips , (th e Japanese crepe.)" 8 He r daughte r continued t o see k he r advic e an d assistanc e o n bot h persona l an d professional matters. 9 As late a s 1928 , Mrs . Bosworth anxiousl y ex horted Louise to take better care of herself, although the tone of her advice suggest s tha t Louise, by then forty-seve n year s old, ha d out grown her reliance on her mother's guidance: "There is no use giving you advis e abou t bein g moderate . An d th e publicit y yo u ha d whe n you were ill is dreadful. I cannot imagine people being so inconsiderate a s t o flock i n t o you r roo m tha t way , o r th e roo m wher e yo u were."10 The relationshi p between Louise Bosworth and her mother offer s one representativ e exampl e o f th e combinatio n o f emotiona l an d practical suppor t fo r daughters ' untraditiona l educationa l an d pro fessional choice s tha t was provided b y more than a few middle-clas s American mother s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920. 11 A rang e o f mother daughter conflicts certainly existed, but such conflict was balanced, if not outweighed , b y powerfu l suppor t an d mutua l caring , eve n i n families where daughters' aspirations and experiences differed signif icantly fro m thos e o f thei r mothers—an d occasionall y als o wher e upper-class social mores were emphatically disregarded. 12 This situation resulte d i n interaction s characterize d mor e b y understandin g

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between college daughters and thei r mother s than by alienation. Th e nature o f suc h understandin g range d fro m convincin g inflexibl e fa thers tha t highe r educatio n wa s a n appropriat e choic e fo r thei r daughters a s well a s thei r sons , t o actuall y accompanyin g daughter s to college an d eve n t o graduate school . Tensions certainl y occurred , but fundamental , systemati c conflic t di d no t defin e th e relationshi p between middle-clas s wome n an d daughter s wh o wen t t o college . Thus although th e pictur e of mother-daughter relationship s painte d by th e popula r periodica l an d advic e literatur e ma y hav e capture d some of the experience s o f younger daughters , it did no t provide a n accurate portraya l o f th e interaction s betwee n colleg e student s an d their mothers . Anne Ben t War e Winso r an d he r daughter , Anni e Winso r Allen , offer a n interestin g first-generation case . A collection of nearly thirty years' wort h o f letter s reveal s a demanding , critica l mothe r wh o complained an d nagge d incessantly , an d a patien t daughte r wh o found thei r relationshi p stressful , bu t love d an d understoo d he r mother. Whe n Mrs . Winso r scolde d he r fo r lookin g dow n whil e speaking, Annie , age d twenty-one , replied : " I a m s o afrai d o f th e criticysm, correctio n o r dissatisfactio n tha t ma y b e i n you r fac e an d eyes that I do not dare to look up. . .. I am so afraid yo u will not like my wa y o f doin g things , m y opinion s an d m y taste s tha t I see m indifferent an d offis h . . . i t i s because I care s o muc h t o please yo u that I despair and gro w discouraged." l3 Annie no t onl y wante d t o please he r mother ; sh e was also willing to humor, support , and reassur e her : " I cannot imagine myself wishing to preven t m y mother fro m showin g he r ful l shar e of interest i n me . . . I wan t yo u t o understan d m e an d no t t o worry silently, " she told her. 14 Mrs . Winso r too k he r a t he r wor d an d continue d t o express tha t "ful l shar e of interest," feeling free , fo r example , to ask her daughter , no w abou t thirty-fou r year s old , "D o you realiz e tha t you ar e habituall y stoopin g a grea t deal ? It' s ver y unbecomin g an d will soon become so fixed that yo u can' t cure it, unless you set abou t it at once." 15 On th e surfac e thi s relationshi p appear s t o hav e bee n a Ladies Home Journal classic, but it was more complicated. While Mrs. Winsor criticized an d complained , sh e als o consistentl y expresse d war m af fection fo r he r daughter , encourage d he r studie s a t Radcliffe , an d

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applauded he r succes s a s a n educato r an d a contributo r (unde r th e pen nam e Mario n Sprague ) t o th e Ladies Home Journal An d Anni e remained communicative , affectionate , supportive , an d toleran t o f her mother' s needs. 16 M. Care y Thomas , on e o f Annie' s contemporarie s an d th e futur e president o f Bry n Maw r College, describe d he r relationshi p wit h he r mother i n her journal whe n she was twenty-two year s old: I have just ha d a talk with Mother and I do believe I shall shoot myself. .. . There i s no us e living and the n Mothe r woul d see in th e mornin g that she had bee n cruel . Sh e say s I outrage he r every feeling , tha t i t is the greates t living grief to her to have me in the house .. . that I make the other children unbelieving, tha t I barely tolerate Father, and that I am utterly and entirely selfish.. . . O heavens what a religion that makes a mother cast her daughter off!17 This youn g woman' s problem s wit h he r mothe r stemme d fro m weightier issue s tha n postur e an d persona l appearance . Eve n a s a young girl , sh e resiste d an y notio n o f traditiona l femal e role s an d activities, devotin g hersel f t o he r studies . Sh e seriousl y questione d her family' s religiou s belief s an d eventuall y rebelle d agains t he r stric t Quaker upbringing . He r journal record s he r anguis h ove r th e ten sion i n thei r relationshi p a s th e conflic t wit h he r mothe r escalate d when sh e live d at home followin g tw o years of study at Cornell. 18 But th e journal als o document s he r mother' s decisiv e encourage ment o f he r educationa l aspiration s i n th e fac e o f he r father' s reli giously base d opposition : "Man y an d dreadfu l ar e th e talk s w e hav e had upo n thi s subject, bu t Mother , m y ow n splendi d mother , helpe d me i n thi s as she always has in everything an d sympathize d wit h me, " she ha d writte n fou r year s earlier. 19 I t wa s he r mothe r to o wh o borrowed mone y t o send he r abroad fo r graduat e study , whos e healt h she worried ove r while she was in Europe, an d with whom sh e ecstat ically share d th e triump h o f th e successfu l completio n o f he r disser tation and he r comprehensive exams , asking on Novembe r 25 , 1882 : "Mother, i s i t no t to o splendi d t o b e true?" 20 Care y recognize d an d appreciated he r mother's assistance, wrote to her faithfully, an d articulated he r affectio n an d respec t fo r her : "Dear , dea r Mothe r the e does no t realiz e ho w I desire tha t yo u ma y b e prou d o f m e an d find me a comfort. The e mus t no t thin k tha t becaus e I am no t a mission ary i n you r sens e tha t I hav e n o missionar y spirit . . . . I lov e yo u s o

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much tha t I wan t yo u t o b e satisfie d wit h m e a s I a m satisfie d wit h you." 21 Sh e apparentl y though t o f he r mothe r a s a caree r woma n due t o he r involvemen t i n religiou s affair s an d variou s charitabl e endeavors an d respecte d he r fo r thos e activities : "My experience ha s been thes e ar e th e mother s [wome n with jobs outsid e th e domesti c sphere] whos e opinion s thei r daughter s car e for." 22 Here , a s wit h Annie Winso r Allen , mother-daughte r conflict , whic h i n th e cas e o f Carey Thoma s involve d fundamenta l valu e issues , wa s offset b y stron g maternal suppor t an d reciproca l daughterl y devotion . Like Care y Thoma s i n th e previou s generation , Hild a Worthing ton Smith , bor n i n 1888 , wa s committe d t o he r studies . Sh e argue d frequently wit h he r mothe r abou t he r clothes , he r interpersona l skills , and he r sense o f responsibility . He r journals aboun d wit h entries lik e the following : "Mothe r mad e m e wea r a horri d ne w grow n u p hat . Mother gav e m e a lecture on Cordiality . Onl y without lantern slides"; "Got anothe r lectur e fro m Mothe r & Auntie Bel l fo r lookin g lik e a graven imag e whe n I spea k t o strangers ! I don't." 23 Th e los s o f a piece o f jewelry provoke d mor e conflict : "Mothe r mos t sic k ove r th e pearl pi n sh e sen t dow n wit h m y clas s suppe r dres s & which I neve r saw here , & says I mus t hav e throw n i t away," Hild a recorded . "Sh e talks as if I did i t (whatever I did wit h it,) on purpose." 24 At firs t glance , thi s relationship , lik e tha t o f Anni e Winso r Alle n and he r mother , recall s th e difficultie s recounte d i n th e popula r women's magazines , bu t thes e superficia l tension s di d no t defin e Hilda Worthington Smith' s relationship with her mother. Mrs . Smith, who, lik e Care y Thomas' s mother , ha d bee n deprive d o f th e highe r education sh e hersel f ha d desired , understoo d an d supporte d he r daughter's aspirations. 25 Sh e provide d bot h mora l suppor t an d laun dry servic e fo r Hild a whe n sh e enrolle d a t Bry n Mawr , an d sh e encouraged he r t o complete a fifth yea r o f stud y ther e a s well a s tw o years of graduat e stud y i n social work . " I was sure your speech would be a success . Di d yo u ad d anythin g t o it ? Writ e m e an y mor e sai d about it ! Whe n doe s th e nex t on e come? " she wrot e enthusiasticall y to he r colleg e daughte r o n on e occasion . "I t ha s just occurre d t o m e to as k i f you r stud y curtain s ar e no t very very dirty. I f s o sen d the m with wit h [sic] laundry—I wil l sen d you r laundr y bac k Thurs., " sh e advised i n another letter. 26 In thi s instance , materna l suppor t wa s somewha t ambivalent , a s

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Mrs. Smit h ofte n objecte d vigorousl y t o an y plan s propose d b y he r children tha t woul d resul t i n thei r livin g awa y fro m her . He r ambiv alence seems t o reflect mor e th e fact tha t she wa s widowed a t an early age tha n an y fundamenta l disapprova l o f he r daughter' s activities , but i n he r journal , Hild a complaine d abou t he r mother' s attitud e more tha n once , commenting , fo r example : "I t seem s a s if I shoul d never ge t anywhere , bu t should sta y at home wit h Mother . She hasn't enough t o do , & realizes i t sadly." 27 Nevertheless , Mrs. Smit h too k great pride i n her daughter's achievements: "I t delights me, " she tol d her, "tha t yo u ar e a s Fathe r was , abov e hi s fellows , & that yo u hav e so muc h quie t powe r a s h e ha d wit h th e sam e humility . . . . I onl y want yo u t o kno w tha t you r Mothe r appreciate s an d rejoice s ove r i t all."28 An d wit h he r mother' s blessing , Hild a becam e a successfu l social worker , labo r educator , an d a n administrato r a t Bry n Mawr , where th e tw o eventuall y live d together . Som e twent y page s o f he r journal recor d he r grie f an d he r sens e o f los s ove r he r mother' s illness an d deat h fro m pneumoni a o n Christma s morning , 1917 : " I cannot bear to hav e he r gone . I thin k I was mor e o f a companion t o her tha n th e other s [he r siblings] , w e ha d rea d s o muc h & done s o many things together, " she wrote. 29 Among th e letter s o f condolenc e Hild a Worthingto n Smit h re ceived i s on e o f particula r interest , writte n b y M . Care y Thoma s (whom sh e kne w fro m Bry n Mawr ) on January 20 , 1918 : Ever since I heard of your Mother's death I have been wishing to write to tell you ho w deepl y I sympathize d wit h you , bu t I hav e hesitate d becaus e I remember a s if i t wer e yesterday—and i t i s thirt y year s ago—how har d i t was for m e to get letters about my Mother after sh e died. There i s nothing in the world quite like one's Mother's death and I think one never ceases to miss he r howeve r lon g on e survive s her . I t mus t b e a comfor t fo r yo u t o remember how good a daughter you were. People hav e often spoke n to me about your care for her.30 Neither of thes e wome n was a "traditional" daughter. Neithe r eve r married. Bot h wer e outstandingl y successful , independent , profes sional people . Anni e Winso r Alle n followe d a mor e traditiona l pat h in tha t sh e marrie d an d ha d thre e childre n o f he r own . Sh e studie d at Radcliff e fo r severa l year s bu t neve r actuall y receive d a degree , although sh e pursue d a caree r a s a teache r an d writer . Al l thre e o f these women experience d conflic t wit h their mothers; but this dissen-

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sion wa s countered b y th e stron g materna l suppor t the y relie d upo n as they fulfille d thei r educational an d vocationa l aspirations—an d b y their own reciproca l appreciatio n an d devotion . The source s document man y other intriguin g instance s of middle class materna l suppor t fo r daughters ' untraditiona l activitie s durin g the fou r decade s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Severa l particularl y strik ing lat e nineteenth-centur y examples , lik e tha t o f Care y Thomas , illustrate th e importanc e o f suc h suppor t fo r th e earl y "new women " who ventured int o higher educatio n a t a time when college educatio n for female s stil l generate d significan t controvers y i n America n soci ety. Vid a Scudder' s widowe d mothe r too k he r sewin g an d wen t wit h her daughte r t o tutoria l session s a t Oxfor d becaus e th e tuto r pre ferred no t t o mee t alon e wit h femal e students ; sh e ha d previousl y accompanied Vid a t o Northampton a t the beginning of her freshma n year at Smith, where sh e walke d a mile and a half to the dormitory a t 6:30 ever y mornin g fo r severa l week s t o help he r daughter, wh o ha d never "done " her own hair. 31 I n retrospect , Vid a hersel f commente d on th e significanc e o f he r mother' s support , notin g he r surprise tha t Mrs. Scudde r "shoul d s o hav e departe d fro m he r tradition , socia l and other , a s t o sen d he r daughte r t o college. " Sh e als o foun d i t remarkable tha t although sh e ha d neve r confided he r secret desire t o go t o Harvard , he r mothe r ha d decide d independentl y t o sen d he r to th e newl y organize d Bosto n Girls ' Lati n Schoo l t o prepar e fo r higher education. 32 This departur e fro m traditio n ha d enable d Vid a Scudde r t o tak e advantage o f opportunitie s availabl e onl y t o a ver y smal l numbe r o f her contemporaries—fou r year s a t Smith , graduat e stud y abroad , and eventuall y a distinguished caree r as a professor o f Englis h litera ture. Sh e reciprocate d he r mother' s suppor t an d devotio n throug h her own choices and decisions. Although sh e was drawn to missionary work a s he r fathe r ha d been , an d t o settlemen t work , sh e chos e a n academic caree r partl y ou t o f a sense o f dut y t o her mother. Sh e als o accepted a n appointmen t a t Wellesle y rathe r tha n on e a t Smit h s o that sh e woul d no t hav e t o "uproot " o r "desert " he r mother , whos e home, church, and friend s wer e in Boston . With the exception o f he r four year s a t Smith , mothe r an d daughte r neve r reall y live d apart , and Vid a regrette d eve n thi s perio d awa y fro m he r mother , "s o fragrant alway s wa s th e tim e spen t i n he r dea r company. " The y

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eventually move d t o a new hous e i n Wellesle y i n 1912 , where Mrs . Scudder enjoye d th e compan y o f he r daughter' s student s and , ulti mately, o f Vida' s clos e frien d Florenc e Convers e an d he r mother , until her death i n 1920. 33 Mary Kingsbury Simkhovitch's mother also traveled with her when she went abroad fo r graduat e study: "Girls were not free the n to take trips b y themselves , an d i n any case, it was a grea t adventur e fo r u s both, fo r I was to study i n Berlin fo r a whole year," Mar y explaine d in he r autobiography. 34 He r mothe r ha d supporte d he r previou s educational effort s a s well, takin g a detaile d interes t i n he r under graduate work at Boston University and her earlier graduate study at Radcliffe, a s wel l a s i n he r wor k a s a secondary-schoo l teacher. 35 Mary describe d he r a s "primaril y a n intellectua l person . Domesti c duties worrie d rathe r tha n intereste d her . Sh e wa s fro m childhoo d an outstanding student, both in the country school and at the Norma l School."36 A s a forme r teacher , sh e retaine d he r interes t i n peda gogy, an d sh e criticize d he r daughter' s "impatienc e an d eviden t fa voritism for th e brightest students" when she visited her at Somerville High School. 37 While few mothers would have had th e freedom o r the inclinatio n to accompany daughters to European universities , unqualified mater nal suppor t fo r th e "ne w woman's" desire fo r highe r educatio n an d for her career aims was certainly not rare at the end of the nineteent h century. Maternal mentoring for college daughters took many forms . For Mario n Talbot , a dedicate d studen t wh o ha d discourage d th e young me n a t Bosto n Universit y wh o expressed interes t i n her , ma ternal advocac y extende d beyon d intercedin g wit h a n obdurat e fa ther or offering advic e on clothing and roo m decoration . He r mother , a forme r teache r wh o was frustrated b y the limit s of he r ow n educa tion, campaigne d activel y fo r th e refor m o f women' s educatio n t o secure broade r intellectua l opportunitie s fo r he r daughters . Whe n more conventiona l friend s ostracize d Mario n afte r he r colleg e grad uation i n 1881 , Mrs. Talbot organize d th e Associatio n o f Collegiat e Alumnae, predecesso r o f th e America n Associatio n o f Universit y Women, fo r th e dua l purpos e o f encouragin g youn g wome n wh o wanted t o go to college and expandin g th e opportunities availabl e to female colleg e graduates . Mario n wa s eventually offere d th e oppor tunity t o teac h an d serv e as dean a t th e ne w Universit y o f Chicago .

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With "many a heart pang, " her mothe r encouraged he r to accept th e position, althoug h thi s choic e mean t tha t he r daughte r woul d mov e away fro m Bosto n an d als o virtuall y insure d tha t sh e woul d neve r marry.38 Alice Hamilton, wh o entered th e For t Wayne , Indiana, Colleg e of Medicine i n 189 0 an d continue d he r medica l educatio n a t th e Uni versity of Michigan, recalled tha t it was from he r mother that she had learned tha t "persona l libert y wa s the mos t preciou s thin g i n life." 39 Unusually unpossessive, Mrs. Hamilton, who had a strong social conscience, encourage d he r fou r daughter s t o d o wha t the y wante d t o do, too k pleasur e i n thei r achievements , an d sometime s eve n pro vided direc t assistanc e i n thei r endeavors . Whe n sh e visite d Alice , who wa s living at Hul l Hous e a t th e time , she helpe d wit h dramati c productions an d taugh t Englis h t o foreig n visitors . Althoug h sh e worried abou t som e o f he r daughter' s activities , fo r example , ex pressing he r nervousnes s whe n Alic e (at age forty-four) propose d t o visit a brothe l i n a n effor t t o "rescue " a prostitute , sh e remaine d supportive.40 In th e case of Ethe l Puffe r Howes , a supportive mothe r mean t a n interested audienc e fo r he r detaile d account s of educational, profes sional, an d socia l activitie s a s sh e attende d Smith , studie d abroad , acquired a Ph.D . i n psycholog y fro m Harvard , an d taugh t variou s subjects a t bot h th e hig h schoo l an d colleg e levels . "I' m absolutel y bursting wit h thing s t o tell—an d th e wors t o f i t is , I' m sur e I can' t under suc h circumstance s d o anythin g justice. Ho w fa r di d I ge t i n my last letter?" Ethel wrote from German y where she was studying in 1896. Thre e year s later , sh e describe d a t lengt h a dinne r a t whic h Louis Brandei s an d Georg e Santayan a ha d bee n present , an d the n consulted he r mothe r abou t changing the ruffles o n an old "waist" so that she could wear it for a lecture she was scheduled to give.41 Ethel's sister , Laur a Puffe r Morgan , a Smit h graduat e too , als o discussed th e detail s o f he r dail y lif e an d he r wor k a s a high schoo l teacher wit h he r mother : " I a m convince d tha t you are right—som e minds canno t se e int o Geometry, " sh e wrote . I n th e sam e lette r sh e reported: "Mrs . Peas e think s tha t you r daughte r i s the bes t lookin g of all the high school teachers—and tha t too when there are two who are reall y pretty . I t i s a tribut e t o my gray ha t an d gown." 42 Laura' s letters occasionally suggeste d th e presenc e of tension about relativel y

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trivial matters , a s in he r respons e t o he r mother' s comment s abou t a young man' s interes t i n her : "Man y thank s fo r you r goo d advis e bu t I a m twent y tw o year s ol d an d a m no t quit e devoi d o f commo n sense." 43 However , wher e educatio n an d caree r issue s wer e con cerned, apparentl y she , lik e he r siste r Ethel , enjoye d he r mother' s support an d encouragement . Not al l colleg e daughter s i n th e perio d befor e 190 0 sough t o r achieved distinguishe d professiona l careers , bu t thos e whos e goal s may hav e bee n les s ambitiou s als o relied upo n materna l suppor t an d guidance. Fo r youn g wome n lik e Care y Thoma s an d Mario n Talbo t whose feminis t commitment s dominate d thei r lives , a supportiv e mother coul d serv e a s a n all y agains t formidabl e obstacle s a s the y challenged th e behavio r pattern s prescribe d fo r the m b y th e tradi tions o f a patriarcha l society . Fo r thei r peer s whos e aim s wer e nar rower, foo d package s fro m hom e an d reassuranc e a t examinatio n time could b e equally as important. Blanche Ame s consulte d he r mothe r abou t he r assignment s an d sent he r exa m schedul e hom e fro m Smit h "s o yo u ca n sympathiz e with me whil e I am takin g them." She appreciated th e fres h frui t he r mother sent , aske d he r advic e abou t changin g roommates , an d ob jected whe n he r mothe r worrie d abou t th e advisabilit y o f skatin g o n the ic e o n Paradis e Pond. 44 Althoug h Blanch e like d college , sh e wa s homesick, an d sh e foun d i t difficul t t o retur n t o Smit h afte r th e Christmas holidays . I n January 189 5 s ^e t o ^ he r mother : "W e try t o reconcile ourselve s t o the fac t tha t we won t b e hom e fo r ages, " while the followin g yea r sh e confided : " I thin k I a m gettin g hardene d t o coming ou t here , bu t still I have that funny feelin g somewher e i n th e stomach o r throa t o r head—eve n i f I don' t g o an d cry." 45 Sh e als o confessed he r anxiet y abou t he r academi c progress : " I alway s kee p thinking ho w Fathe r and yo u woul d fee l t o thin k I was to o big a foo l to pas s m y mi d year s an d the n wha t woul d th e res t o f th e famil y think o f me? " she wrote. 46 An d sh e complaine d abou t no t receivin g enough mai l fro m home. 47 Her mother' s answer s wer e war m an d sympathetic . Sh e tease d Blanche abou t he r ow n negligenc e a s a corresponden t an d tol d he r how muc h th e famil y misse d her. 48 Sh e offere d practica l advice — "Do no t undertak e to o muc h an d ge t pulle d down"—an d sh e re sponded willingl y t o he r daughter' s request s fo r help : "Thinkin g o f

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your theme s an d you r reques t tha t w e should thin k u p some subject s for you , I ra n ove r las t nigh t som e . . . reminiscences an d go t u p a t seven thi s mornin g t o writ e the m out." 49 He r characteristi c interes t and responsivenes s wer e augmente d b y expressions o f unconditiona l support: " I mus t ad d m y congratulation s t o al l thos e yo u hav e al ready received, " sh e wrot e o n on e occasion , "no t becaus e o f th e honor tha t i s suppose d t o hav e bee n conferre d upo n you , fo r I fee l that yo u hono r an y positio n yo u ma y accept , bu t becaus e i t wa s something yo u desired an d I wish yo u t o have all you long for." 50 For Josephine Wilken , as for Blanch e Ames , maternal support als o meant foo d packages—home-mad e candy—an d academi c advice. I n a lette r writte n fro m Smit h o n Octobe r 25 , 1891 , sh e include d a lis t of suggested essa y topics and asked anxiously , "Which shall I take?"51 Josephine depende d o n he r mother' s assistanc e with her colleg e financial arrangement s too . Requestin g th e latter to send he r a " 'statement of impecuniosity.' . . . that I may give it to the authorities befor e I leave, " she reporte d happily , " I am t o hav e $12 5 thi s year, instea d of $100 . Isn' t that nice?" 52 Maternal involvemen t i n a daughter' s academi c lif e wa s fa r fro m unusual. Whe n Charlott e Wilkinson' s mothe r expresse d he r concer n about he r daughter' s lac k o f interes t i n biology , Charlott e replied : "I'm sorr y Mamm a tha t I can't b e intereste d bu t I don't thin k tha t i t is honestl y m y faul t fo r Professo r Pillsbur y i s such a poo r teacher . I have neve r foun d an y on e wh o go t reall y intereste d i n it . . . and hi s lectures ar e ver y vagu e an d incomprehensibl e s o muc h fo r Biolog y but Mamm a I wil l tr y t o wor k wel l i n it." 53 Despit e Professo r Pills bury's shortcomings , Charlott e unreservedl y enjoye d he r lif e a t Smith . She tol d he r mothe r abou t he r studies , reassure d he r tha t she woul d never b e "converted " b y he r attendanc e a t "orthodox " praye r meet ings, an d confide d he r disappointment whe n she was not admitted t o the colleg e societ y sh e ha d hope d t o join.54 Sh e foun d he r mother' s letters comfortin g an d supportive , an d o n mor e tha n on e occasion , she expressed he r love an d admiration , a s in a birthday letter writte n on Apri l 24 , 1892 : " I ca n onl y tel l yo u tha t I lov e yo u ever and eve r so much an d tha t I am s o glad tha t you're m y mother an d that I wish I were one bi t like you." 55 For Alic e Maso n Mille r an d he r siste r Helen , wh o attended Smit h together, thei r mother' s frequen t letter s wer e a source o f prestig e a s

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well a s comfort: "Mamma , yo u ar e quit e famou s a s a correspondent , in Smit h College . Hele n mentione d a t th e tabl e on e da y tha t yo u wrote tw o o r thre e time s a week , an d th e girl s wer e ver y muc h surprised especiall y whe n the y hear d wha t lon g letter s yo u sen d us." 56 Lik e othe r Smit h women , Alic e an d Hele n discusse d thei r academic experience s wit h thei r mother . Hele n complaine d tha t on e of he r professor s wa s "perfectl y horri d . . . th e mos t vicious-lookin g man I ever saw." 57 Sh e aske d whethe r he r mothe r woul d prefe r tha t she tak e analytica l geometr y rathe r tha n chemistry. 58 Alic e enjoye d telling he r mothe r abou t th e lecture s i n he r musi c theor y clas s an d about th e literatur e sh e wa s reading—"I t i s pleasan t t o 'tal k over ' what on e reads , I think , especiall y wit h one' s mother , an d mor e especially i f tha t mothe r happen s t o b e you." 59 Man y o f th e letter s these young wome n wrot e home emphasize d socia l rathe r than schol arly matter s a s the y struggle d wit h thei r finances , aske d fo r mor e money, an d complaine d abou t each other. 60 While Alic e like d Smith , Hele n wa s ambivalen t abou t goin g t o college. He r frequen t reference s t o partie s an d youn g me n sugges t that sh e wa s fa r mor e intereste d i n socializin g tha n i n studying. 61 This tendency concerne d he r mother, but Hele n assure d he r that sh e was not "grabbin g at every youn g ma n I meet." 62 Mrs . Mille r contin ued t o worry , however , an d wondere d whethe r he r daughte r wa s keeping secret s fro m her. 63 Hele n foun d he r fello w student s sociall y inferior i n comparison t o her friends a t home. Althoug h sh e tol d he r mother tha t sh e appreciate d th e opportunit y t o g o t o Smith , sh e would hav e preferre d no t t o be in college: " I dont believe i n a colleg e education fo r girls , and ho w can I study wit h any pleasur e o r profit, " she lamented. 64 Helen's cas e suggest s tha t he r mothe r ma y hav e value d highe r education mor e tha n she did herself, and mor e generally , tha t mater nal suppor t fo r highe r educatio n coul d translat e int o materna l pres sure o n a daughte r wh o wa s reluctan t t o atten d college . Whil e i t i s difficult t o discern ho w ofte n thi s situation migh t hav e occurred , i t is particularly intriguin g t o find i t before 190 0 whe n sendin g a daugh ter t o colleg e stil l represente d a for m o f socia l rebellion . Hele n Ly man Miller had studied briefl y a t Northwestern Universit y befor e sh e enrolled a t Smith , an d sh e ha d no t bee n happ y ther e either. 65 Possi bly her mothe r wa s ideologically committe d t o providin g bot h o f he r

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daughters th e opportunit y fo r a colleg e education . However , Mrs . Miller's apparen t insistenc e o n th e importanc e o f finishing colleg e also implie s tha t despit e societa l reservation s abou t highe r educatio n for women , som e middle-clas s mother s ma y hav e regarde d a colleg e daughter a s a socially prestigiou s asse t even a s early as 1878. 66 Such a n attitud e woul d no t b e surprisin g afte r th e tur n o f th e century whe n colleg e an d caree r aim s wer e n o longe r considere d quite so revolutionary. B y 190 0 a female colleg e student might be th e daughter o f a woma n wh o wa s a colleg e graduat e herself ; mothe r and daughte r migh t shar e a commo n dedicatio n t o highe r educa tion. 67 Still , wit h unde r 3 percen t o f th e college-aged femal e popula tion choosin g thi s option, colleg e wa s fa r fro m th e norm , and mater nal suppor t continue d t o pla y a significant par t in determining whic h young wome n too k advantag e o f i t durin g th e earl y decade s o f th e twentieth century . Ethel Sturge s Dummer , th e wif e o f a prosperou s Chicag o banke r and hersel f a socia l welfar e advocate , philanthropist , an d author , provided unequivoca l suppor t fo r all four of her daughters in diverse ways. He r frequent , affectionat e letter s t o he r daughte r Katharine , who entere d Radcliff e i n 1910 , document a warm and ope n relation ship. 68 Lik e he r predecessor s i n th e previou s generation , Mrs . Dum mer wa s intereste d i n Katharine' s academi c life ; sh e wa s als o con cerned abou t he r welfare , anxiou s t o provid e anythin g sh e needed , and eage r t o kno w whethe r sh e wa s happ y a t college. N o doub t sh e was gratifie d b y he r daughter' s enthusiasti c respons e t o college : " I always kne w I would lik e colleg e an d tha t i t would b e nice , bu t i n al l my anticipations , pleasan t a s the y were , I didn't imagin e tha t colleg e could be a s nic e a s i t is . . . . Tal k abou t Democracy , an d hig h ideals , and earnes t purposes—ther e i s lot s t o education , isn' t there ? an d many sides , an d wha t a joy t o b e eage r an d learnin g fast ! Wit h a lif e full o f love Katharine " 69 Her suppor t fo r he r daughter' s desir e t o "tak e Phil , instea d o f Geology" was no t unusual . No r wa s her assistanc e wit h long-distanc e laundry servic e o r th e pleasur e sh e too k i n providin g suc h help. 70 However, he r advocacy extended beyon d wha t had become relativel y conventional parameter s afte r 1900 . I n a fascinatin g lette r t o th e mother o f Katharine' s fiance (whic h ma y neve r hav e bee n mailed) , she questione d th e youn g man' s parents ' preference fo r a postpone -

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ment o f th e marriag e o f thei r children , arguing , o n th e basis o f he r exposure t o "moder n though t o n sex " through he r wor k wit h Juvenile Court , tha t "th e content brough t b y the consummation o f lov e i s the righ t o f thes e youn g people." 71 Whe n hi s parent s di d no t chang e their minds about the wedding date, she and he r husban d helpe d th e young couple t o elope an d accompanie d them . Equally supportiv e o f he r othe r children' s educationa l an d per sonal choices , sh e tol d he r daughter , Happy : "Yo u hav e mad e a t Wisconsin a record t o be prou d of . Th e though t o f you , dear , make s me ver y humble." 72 O n anothe r occasion , sh e assure d th e sam e daughter: "If any plan comes up that really tempts you, you and you r life an d work , tha t whic h yo u hav e t o offe r t o th e world , mus t b e considered a s of mos t importance. . . . You r lif e mus t no t b e stunte d by us. . . . Our lov e ca n mak e an y leap s o f tim e an d distance." 73 Sh e was just a s understanding whe n he r daughte r Mario n decide d unex pectedly t o get married durin g World War I although sh e was unabl e to attend th e wedding. 74 Not surprisingly , Mrs . Dummer' s fou r daughter s responde d i n kind, sharin g thei r concern s an d th e detail s o f thei r dail y activitie s with thei r mother , an d frequentl y expressin g thei r appreciatio n fo r her letter s an d he r unfailin g encouragement. 75 Thei r voluminou s correspondence reveal s occasiona l disagreements , includin g a n em phatic declaratio n b y Frances , th e younges t daughter : " I don' t wan t to dislik e a ma n jus t becaus e yo u do . I hav e go t t o for m m y ow n opinions."76 Essentially , however , th e relationship s thes e youn g wome n enjoyed wit h thei r mothe r wer e characterize d b y mutua l pride , es teem, an d understanding , a s another lette r France s wrot e fro m Wis consin clearl y illustrates : "Please , Mother , i f ther e i s anythin g yo u want to kno w just as k me becaus e ther e is nothing I wouldn t tell yo u you know." 77 Although Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r ma y hav e bee n unusuall y toler ant an d open-minded , sh e wa s no t unique . Man y o f he r contempo raries expresse d thei r suppor t fo r thei r daughters ' enterprise s i n countless ways . Lik e Louis e Bosworth' s mother , th e mothe r o f Doro thea Ma y Moor e wa s passionatel y intereste d i n th e detail s o f he r daughter's colleg e life. 78 Lydi a Bush-Brown' s mothe r assure d he r that she would respec t he r confidences: "I f you writ e to me 'privately ' about you r healt h o r anythin g els e I won t impar t i t t o a soul." 79

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Helen Lando n Cas s relied on her mother for advice about a tea kettle and fo r the vital informatio n sh e needed i n order t o pass her college physical examination : "Wil l you write m e as soon as possible tellin g age &f disease of ever y on e i n th e immediat e famil y wh o ha s died, " sh e requested anxiously . A fe w day s later , sh e repeate d thi s request , i n capital letters : "DON' T FORGE T ABOU T SENDIN G PARTICULAR S CONCERN ING TH E DEAD PEOPL E O F OUR FAMILY—It's important 8c I need i t right off." Whil e th e arrival o f thi s informatio n i s not documented, Hele n gratefully acknowledge d he r mother's gif t of home-made jam.80 For th e mothers o f the first generation o f "new women," support ing a daughter' s aspiration s ofte n mean t challengin g entrenche d traditional expectation s an d questioning th e validity of their own lifestyles. B y the early twentiet h century , a n untraditional daughte r rep resented les s of an anomaly, an d it was not quite so problematic fo r a middle-class mothe r t o tak e a n interes t i n he r daughter' s colleg e life. 81 Bu t maternal advocac y could involv e mor e tha n th e translation of conventiona l mothering—providin g advic e on fashion an d baking cookies t o b e share d wit h roommates—int o untraditiona l environ ments. Fo r example , despit e th e fac t tha t Will a Cathe r assume d a male identity , cu t he r hair , an d cross-dresse d fro m th e age of four teen t o eighteen, he r mother encouraged he r intellectual and cultural aspirations, provide d he r wit h a privat e atti c bedroo m o f he r own, and supporte d he r wis h t o g o t o colleg e ove r he r husband' s objec tions. 82 Althoug h sh e completel y subordinate d he r ow n lif e t o he r husband's wishes , th e mothe r o f Luc y Spragu e Mitchel l als o sup ported he r daughter' s aspirations , albei t les s forcefully , an d Fred a Kirchwey's mothe r approved o f her daughter's unorthodox activities , including he r participation , whil e sh e wa s a studen t a t Barnard , o n the picke t lines during a shirtwaist factor y workers ' strike in 1913. 83 While particularl y unconventiona l behavior , suc h a s that o f Will a Cather, migh t strai n a mother' s abilit y t o b e supportive , distanc e could als o threate n th e bond s betwee n mother s an d daughters . Be cause he r father' s wor k kep t hi m i n Europ e an d she was sent t o the United State s t o finish he r education, Marguerit e Quenea u wa s separated from he r mother fo r five years. Mrs. Queneau's letters reflecte d her determine d effor t t o remai n par t o f he r daughter' s lif e despit e the geographi c distanc e betwee n them . Complainin g abou t bot h th e

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infrequency an d th e content o f Marguerite' s letters , sh e urged : "D o please tel l m e mor e abou t you r inner self. I don' t wan t yo u t o gro w away fro m m e dea r Margot— I lov e yo u ver y muc h an d a m alway s interested i n wha t yo u thin k an d do." 84 Unlik e he r husband , sh e thought i t wa s importan t fo r a woma n t o acquir e th e bes t possibl e education "which is in the states." Since the family's financial situatio n precluded th e possibilit y o f transatlanti c visits , she accepte d th e ne cessity of their separation an d rejoice d i n her daughter's opportunit y to stud y hom e economic s a t th e Universit y o f Minnesota. 85 Mrs . Queneau's anxiou s bu t affectionate letter s testif y t o her eagernes s t o maintain he r materna l rol e a s wel l a s t o he r daughter' s continue d willingness t o see k he r advic e about colleg e life. 86 He r earnes t hop e that the y migh t "becom e acquainte d befor e a separatio n throug h marriage or otherwise occurs" poignantly documents her recognitio n that distanc e ha d interfere d wit h thei r relationshi p despit e he r bes t efforts t o maintain clos e contact. 87 Lucile Burdett e Tuttl e di d no t se e he r mothe r fo r almos t thre e years while she was at Denison University in Granville, Ohio, and he r parents wer e engage d i n missionar y wor k i n India . He r lengthy , detailed letter s reiterate d he r affectio n fo r he r mothe r an d relate d the detail s o f he r dail y life. 88 Lucil e wa s anxiou s t o liv e u p t o he r mother's example : "Yo u don' t know , 'caus e I'l l neve r b e abl e t o tel l you, ho w ver y glad , glad , gla d an d proud , proud , prou d I a m tha t you are m y Mother, an d I am resolvin g t o try an d liv e nearer t o th e ideals you hav e held befor e m e all these years, and t o be the kin d o f a gir l yo u wan t m e t o be." 89 Sh e misse d he r mothe r an d regrette d the latter' s inabilit y t o b e presen t fo r Denison' s annua l "mother' s day," writing wistfull y abou t he r eagernes s t o b e abl e t o shar e thes e occasions with her: "Whil e I am just longing to have you here I know that you'll be here for certain my Senior Mother's Day, and you might get home early enough fo r m y Junior one, too." 90 Although thei r physica l separatio n obviousl y concerne d Lucil e Tuttle, he r letter s d o no t sugges t tha t an y significan t emotiona l dis tance intrude d int o he r relationshi p wit h he r mother . I n contrast , Mrs. Queneau' s obviou s anxiet y abou t maintainin g communicatio n with he r daughte r indicate s tha t sh e perceive d a simila r situatio n t o be a rea l problem . Thes e example s recal l th e prescriptiv e literatur e

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that urge d mother s t o kee p i n touc h wit h thei r daughters ' colleg e activities, and they reemphasize the importance placed on close motherdaughter communication a s the twentieth century unfolded . Three additiona l example s offer furthe r evidenc e of the extent t o which materna l suppor t an d mutua l affirmatio n coul d define th e mother-daughter relationshi p eve n a s daughters became fully "mod ern" women . The intensit y o f th e relationshi p betwee n Crysta l East man, a 190 3 graduate o f Vassar , an d he r mother , Anni s For d East man, was described b y her brother Ma x in the following terms: "Th e great love of Crystal's life, never replace d by any man or woman, was our mother . . . . The y aske d n o greate r happines s tha n t o b e to gether; i n separation the y wrote to each other constantly, as often a s twice a week; and yet , each rejoice d wit h admiration i n the outgoin g career o f the other. N o wish t o retain, n o glimmer of possessiveness , filial o r parental , eve r marre d th e sweet , tranquil , confident , life enhancing flow of their friendship." 91 Mrs . Eastman, the first woman to b e ordaine d i n th e Congregationa l Churc h i n th e stat e o f Ne w York, value d he r daughte r a s her closes t confidante. " I shall have so much t o tel l yo u al l th e res t o f m y life, " she wrote in 1899 . Crystal's esteem fo r he r mothe r wa s equally strong : "Oh, the unhappy peopl e who hav e no t yo u fo r a mother ! M y hear t goe s ou t t o them, " sh e observed.92 Fo r Crystal Eastman, as for so many other "new women," maternal suppor t include d laundr y servic e and fashio n advic e as well as soli d encouragemen t fo r mor e significan t endeavors . "You r car d was there in the box to cheer m e as I started fo r th e bar examinatio n this morning," she wrote to her mothe r on June 25 , 1907. Two years later, Mrs . Eastman applaude d he r daughter' s caree r choice enthusiastically: "If th e main contention of the progressive woman is her righ t to a wor k o f he r own— a lif e work—the n yo u ar e doin g mor e t o prove th e Tightnes s o f tha t contentio n b y makin g you r wa y i n a regular business—[th e lega l profession ] tha n yo u coul d d o b y th e most brilliant success as a social worker or investigator for a few years before marriage." 93 Crystal summarized he r mother' s importanc e to her in an autobiographical essay published i n The Nation in 1927 , seventeen years afte r Mrs. Eastman' s death , whe n sh e wrote , "My mother ha s always been a beaco n t o me." 94 Man y year s later , Florenc e Luscomb , wh o ha d studied architectur e a t Massachusett s Institut e o f Technology i n th e

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early twentiet h century , participate d activel y i n th e suffrag e move ment, an d worke d fo r th e Woman' s Trad e Unio n League , tol d a n interviewer much the same thing in a slighdy less elegant way: "Mother was intereste d i n th e thing s tha t I was . I n fac t th e reaso n I wa s interested was because she had exposed me to those ideas when I was »95

young. y o For Virgini a Gildersleeve , a s fo r Crysta l Eastma n an d Florenc e Luscomb, materna l influenc e define d th e course o f he r educationa l and professional life . I t was Virginia's mother who told he r that she "had brains and n o nerves " so there wa s no reaso n wh y sh e shoul d not hav e as good a n educatio n a s her brothers had . I t was also her mother wh o persuade d he r shy , unsocia l daughte r t o tak e th e en trance examination s fo r Barnar d eve n thoug h Virgini a feare d tha t college wa s " a sort o f cloister " where sh e woul d neve r develo p so cially.96 He r colleg e debut , o n he r eighteent h birthda y i n Octobe r 1895, marked th e beginning of a distinguished academi c career which encompassed th e pursui t of a Master's degree an d a doctorate fro m Columbia, i n additio n t o he r degre e fro m Barnard . Eventuall y sh e taught a t bot h institutions . I n he r memoirs , sh e highlighte d he r mother's role in her educational life : "While I was in college peopl e asked m e ofte n wh y i n the worl d I went t o college , becaus e a t that time it was not a very usual thing for a girl to do. They never believed me when I said I went to please my mother, and I fell into the habit of saying , 'Well , I suppos e I wen t t o ge t educated. ' Tha t alway s perplexed and annoyed them." 97 Shortly after she accepted the position o f dea n a t Barnar d i n 1911 , her mothe r experience d a severe attack of vertigo that lasted several months; although they employed a nurse for the day shift, Virginia came home from her office befor e the nurse left at 4:00, and her father took over at night. This routine, reminiscent o f th e dutie s performe d b y countless daughter s earlie r in th e nineteent h century , gre w easie r afte r he r parent s sol d thei r home and foun d a n apartment closer to Barnard. 9^ Whether or not she resented her obligations for her mother's care, Virginia's recollection o f thi s difficul t perio d offer s n o explici t suggestio n o f suc h feelings. I n her discussion of he r mother's unexpected death , which occurred i n 1923 , sh e observed , "Th e greates t grie f I hav e eve r known was the realizatio n tha t I had no t been wit h he r a t the end . More than any other single person she influenced m y life."99

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For Virgini a Gildersleeve , a s fo r man y "new " women i n th e fou r decades befor e 1920 , th e mother-daughte r relationshi p provide d crucial reassuranc e an d encouragemen t i n th e pursui t o f untradi tional educationa l an d caree r paths . Despit e th e inevitabl e presenc e of dissensio n ove r matter s suc h a s appearanc e an d manner s tha t typically accompanie d adolescence , wit h fe w exception s interaction s between colleg e daughters an d thei r mother s during the period 1880 1920 were distinguished b y the absence of fundamental antagonism . This conclusion seem s especially interesting with regard to those who experienced th e largest generation gap—th e early "new" women and their mother s fo r who m nineteenth-centur y domesticit y had define d the nature o f women's roles. Yet it applies equally to the next gener ation of daughters who sought t o expand th e boundaries of women' s sphere and t o the mothers who backed thei r efforts a s well.100 For in spite o f obviou s generationa l difference s i n th e styl e o f interaction , for example , th e us e o f les s formal, eve n slan g expressions i n correspondence, strong maternal support and mutua l caring link the early twentieth-century mother s an d daughter s wit h thei r lat e Victoria n predecessors.101 Certainly there were exceptions t o the prevailing tone of harmon y that characterize d th e relationship s betwee n middle-clas s mother s and daughter s whos e educationa l an d professiona l choice s define d them a s "ne w women. " However , onl y on e conspicuou s cas e o f un mitigated an d lastin g mother-daughte r conflic t wa s apparent amon g the example s surveyed . Thi s wa s th e mother-daughte r relationshi p depicted b y Margare t Anderso n i n he r autobiography . A n exceed ingly radica l an d independen t youn g woman , wit h a strong interes t in the wor k of Emma Goldma n an d othe r anarchists , she apparentl y had n o commo n bon d whatsoeve r wit h he r mother , wh o wante d t o suppress rathe r tha n encourag e her. 102 Thei r relationshi p reache d what Margare t called "ou r breaking point" in a confrontation follow ing the death o f he r father . "He r ultimatu m wa s that I must not live my life, think my thoughts, publish m y magazine. I must live her lif e as dad ha d done, " Margaret recalled. 103 Clara Savage Littledale's conservative mother also found i t difficul t to understand som e of her daughter's interests and activities, and she complained tha t Clar a di d no t confid e i n her . Althoug h sh e sympa thized wit h he r mother' s feelings , Clar a considere d he r expectation s

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unrealistic.104 Conflic t ove r thes e issue s distresse d bot h mothe r an d daughter. "She [Mrs. Savage] determined t o be frank an d was," Clara confided t o her journal. "I t wa s terrible an d I said awfu l thing s an d got hard an d absolutel y unfeeling an d i t did n o good excep t to teach me there wa s nothing in trying to be frank an d t o make m e see how hard i t is for mothers . Both perfectl y miserable." 105 She also remembered anothe r equall y uncomfortable occasio n when a colleague whom she admire d cam e t o dinner: " I wa s very anxious fo r Mothe r t o like her, but Mothe r connected he r mentall y with . . . rampant radicalis m and froze! An d th e connectio n wa s al l wrong." 106 Unlik e Margare t Anderson, however , Clar a Savag e Littledale remained essentiall y devoted t o he r mother , wit h who m sh e live d followin g he r graduatio n from Smit h i n 1913 . Despite th e demand s o f he r caree r i n journalism, sh e sewe d fo r he r mother , shoppe d wit h her , comforte d he r after he r husband' s death, and admired he r domestic skills. 107 Leila Seco r seem s t o hav e foun d he r filial obligations mor e oner ous. A journalist, an d late r a peace activist durin g Worl d Wa r I , sh e had lef t hom e to pursue newspaper work although he r mothe r wante d her to be a teacher. While her letters were affectionate, the y occasionally highlighted area s of definite mother-daughte r conflict . " I am no t for on e momen t forgettin g m y hom e obligations , an d wil l no t con sider an y wor k whic h wil l no t mak e i t possibl e fo r m e t o full y mee t my shar e o f th e hom e expenses, " Leil a assure d he r famil y i n a n obviously defensiv e tone. 108 I n a lette r t o tw o o f he r sisters , sh e alluded t o th e difficultie s o f growin g u p "unde r a sor t o f syste m o f suppression," and she commented: "I don't regret any sacrifice I have made in my effort t o make Mother happy . The only thing I regret is that s o muc h o f th e tim e ou r effort s hav e me t wit h n o result." 109 When he r mothe r ha d t o sel l th e famil y home , Leil a offere d bot h emotional and financial support, but she also took the opportunity t o remind he r tha t sh e mus t assum e responsibilit y fo r he r ow n well being: "You are at liberty, as I have told yo u before, t o do exactly as you wish. . .. I am convinced tha t happiness rests with you alone. No one els e can mak e o r find i t fo r yo u . . . i t would b e feebl e foll y fo r me t o attempt i t for you , as I hav e often falsel y though t I could do , had I gone home." n o This letter, which is signed "Lovingl y your baby, Leila Faye, " does not sugges t tha t Leil a fel t th e kin d o f hostilit y towar d he r mothe r

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articulated b y Margare t Anderson . No r d o an y o f he r othe r letter s reflect tha t degree of anger . Bu t her correspondence clearl y indicate s that sh e wa s occasionall y impatient , tha t sh e wa s to o bus y t o b e a s attentive a s he r mothe r woul d hav e like d he r t o be , an d that , a s a result, he r mothe r fel t neglected. 111 Possibl y th e profoun d sens e o f loss she articulate d afte r th e latter' s death reflecte d Leila' s feeling s o f regret ove r incident s o f thi s sor t a s wel l a s he r genuin e lov e fo r he r mother. 112 Despite th e inevitable existenc e o f a certain amount o f tension , whic h was exhibited i n different ways , then, the relationships betwee n middle class daughter s wh o followe d untraditiona l path s an d th e mother s who stoo d behin d the m wer e characterize d mor e b y toleranc e an d understanding tha n by negative, hostil e interactions. While the "new" young wome n o f th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentiet h centurie s t o some exten t repudiate d th e world o f thei r mothers, as Carroll Smith Rosenberg contends , i t seem s clea r tha t thei r mother s di d no t repu diate the m o r their world. 113 On th e contrary, the y often empowere d thei r daughters i n various ways an d s o authorize d the m t o mov e i n ne w directions . Althoug h this wa s no t th e cas e universally , th e willingnes s o f mother s t o alig n themselves with daughter s i n th e fac e o f paterna l oppositio n un doubtedly mad e a crucial differenc e fo r a number o f ambitiou s "ne w women." Bu t materna l suppor t represente d mor e tha n a translatio n of nineteenth-centur y domesti c bond s int o a new setting : t o a signifi cant extent , wome n share d th e achievemen t orientatio n o f thei r daughters, an d i n som e instances , mother s actuall y le d th e way—b y inclination i f not b y action. I n turn , man y young women who went t o college stil l sa w thei r mother s a s rol e model s an d continue d t o see k their advice ; apparentl y th e majorit y di d no t perceiv e a serious gen eration ga p base d o n th e ne w opportunitie s fo r highe r education , although fo r a few thi s generational differenc e seeme d t o be a problem. Thi s pictur e differ s considerabl y fro m th e impressio n conveye d by th e prescriptiv e literatur e tha t represente d colleg e a s a set of ver y threatening, potentia l problems . I t also demonstrates tha t the perio d 1880-1920 i s a n importan t on e i n th e histor y o f mother-daughte r relationships—not becaus e i t heralded th e early stage s o f contempo rary matrophobi c tendencies , bu t becaus e i t sustaine d positive , sup -

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portive interaction s eve n i n th e contex t o f significan t generationa l differences i n opportunity and experience . The middle-clas s wome n wh o encourage d an d supporte d thei r daughters' educational an d professiona l aspiration s i n th e lat e nine teenth an d earl y twentieth centurie s migh t no t hav e agreed wit h th e thoughts o f Lydi a Mari a Child , wh o commente d i n 1863 : "I kno w people are accustomed t o congratulate mothers when their daughter s are married , bu t t o m e it ha s always seemed th e severes t tria l tha t a woman ca n meet , excep t th e deat h o f he r love d ones." 114 Probably , however, the y woul d hav e applaude d th e vie w expresse d b y on e outspoken mothe r i n a lette r writte n i n 1910 : "Daughter s ar e won derful luxuries ; they are well worth a bad husban d i n my opinion: a t least min e are." 115 And n o doubt man y other college-educated , pro fessional daughter s woul d hav e understoo d perfectl y Clar a Savag e Littledale's reactio n t o th e new s tha t he r mothe r wa s terminall y ill : "My mothe r i s desperately il l and th e doctor s sa y sh e can' t ge t well , but al l I ca n see m t o do i s to g o an d tak e he r littl e brow n hand s i n mine an d si t by her. W e are very unlik e an d I hav e n o words t o tell her ho w sh e is , after all , th e ancho r o f m y lif e an d I woul d di e fo r her i f I only could. Withou t he r I seem t o have lost my base and a m a-drift."116

C H A P T E R6

"WE NEE D EAC H O T H E R " : A D U L T DAUGHTER S AN D T H E I R MOTHER S

A

S Lucy Wilso n Peter s embarke d o n marrie d lif e o n Thanksgiv ing Day , Novembe r 27 , 1890 , sh e linke d he r ow n lif e wit h h. that o f he r mothe r i n a ne w an d adul t way : sh e no w share d her mother' s weddin g anniversary , an d tha t o f he r materna l grand mother an d a n aun t a s well. 1 Lucy' s selectio n o f thi s particula r da y for he r weddin g implicitl y affirme d th e importanc e sh e place d o n maintaining clos e tie s wit h he r mothe r an d he r pas t a s sh e entere d a new phas e o f adulthood . He r recollection s offe r n o hin t abou t th e ease o r difficult y wit h whic h sh e adjuste d t o marriage , bu t he r mar riage dat e symbolize s th e endurin g connection s tha t boun d middle class mother s an d adul t daughter s durin g th e lat e nineteent h an d early twentiet h centuries . Those connection s wer e equall y a s importan t t o Blanch e Ame s Ames, whos e marriag e (t o a youn g ma n wit h th e sam e las t nam e a s hers) too k plac e abou t te n year s afte r tha t o f Luc y Wilso n Peters . Frequent, detaile d letter s t o he r famil y describe d th e wonderfu l sight s and interestin g place s Blanch e encountere d durin g he r honeymoo n in Europe , wher e sh e ha d "th e bes t tim e i n th e world. " Bu t th e realit y of lif e a s a marrie d adul t wa s different , an d sh e foun d i t hard t o fee l settled i n he r ne w home , a s sh e explaine d t o th e "deares t o f Moth ers": Oakes [he r husband ] ha s been trouble d becaus e h e says at the first proposi tion o f anyone to go away I am eager t o go. He thinks I will never make this really my home. Of course i t is not quite so bad as that, but upon thinkin g it over I find he is right to a certain extent , for any plan of meeting you peopl e 114

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or going somewhere with you makes my heart go up. I thought of you again and again [o n other recen t journeys]. . . . And hav e been counting th e days when I could see you, before you had forgotten all the news.2 For Blanch e Ame s Ames , Luc y Wilso n Peters , an d man y othe r daughters—married an d single , domesti c an d professional—th e mother-daughter bon d playe d a crucia l supportin g rol e i n matur e adulthood, a s i t ha d earlie r i n thei r lives . Fo r thei r mother s a s well , the relationshi p remaine d on e o f paramoun t importance . Wome n and adul t daughter s share d bot h famil y an d professiona l experi ences, relie d o n on e anothe r fo r advic e an d sympathy , an d worrie d about on e another' s healt h an d happiness . Conflict s occurred , bu t despite suc h factor s a s advancin g ag e an d geographi c distance , fo r the mos t par t the relationship endure d a s a central componen t i n th e lives o f bot h generation s a s i t ha d i n th e previou s decade s o f th e nineteenth centur y an d eve n earlier . On e devote d mothe r character ized thi s strong bond simpl y but accurately: "W e need eac h other." 3 Mothers an d adul t daughter s regularl y consulte d an d advise d on e another o n countles s domesti c matter s durin g th e perio d betwee n 1880 an d 1920 . Fo r example , th e dialogu e o n dres s an d persona l appearance continued . "Yo u wil l b e please d t o lear n tha t I' m fixing my hai r no w i n th e wa y you hav e wante d m e t o fo r s o long, wave d i n front an d combe d dow n o n th e side s o f m y head, " forty-year-ol d Caroline Judso n Hitchcoc k tol d he r mother. 4 Lik e man y o f thei r contemporaries, sh e and her sisters often wrot e to their mother abou t the purchas e o r remodelin g o f dresse s an d eve n include d fabri c samples with thei r letters . "Yo u wil l b e intereste d i n th e sample s heading th e page , i t is my ne w dres s goods whic h I bought yesterda y at Hartford . I hop e yo u wil l lik e it, " Carolin e note d i n on e letter . "What dressmake r hav e yo u ha d a t th e house , Maria? " she aske d i n another. Mrs . Hitchcock responde d wit h interest when he r daughter s wrote t o he r about thei r clothes, asking , fo r example : "Hav e yo u go t your cloak ye t and doe s i t suit you?" 5 Discussions about wearing apparel an d accessories helpe d mother s keep i n touc h wit h daughters ' lives . Mar y Elizabet h Homer' s daugh ter move d t o Hawai i afte r he r marriage , bu t sh e stil l consulte d he r mother abou t ne w clothes . Mrs . Home r wa s delighte d whe n sh e received a sampl e o f "pretty " dres s material , whic h sh e approve d

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enthusiastically. Louis e Herric k Wall' s mothe r mad e a ne w handba g for he r an d too k grea t car e t o insur e it s saf e arrival : " I sen t you r beadfed] ba g ther e [t o Portland , Oregon ] b y registere d mail, " sh e wrote. " I hop e yo u wil l lik e it . I t i s th e pretties t on e I hav e mad e I think." An d Eleanor a Boswort h continue d t o assum e responsibilit y for organizin g he r daughter' s wardrob e lon g afte r th e latte r ha d completed he r education an d embarke d o n an independent career. 6 Daughters routinel y discusse d othe r practica l domesti c concern s with thei r mother s a s well . A s a young brid e i n rura l Vermont , Lul u Perry Fulle r wrot e abou t th e detail s o f he r dail y life . "W e ha d a yellow rooste r fo r dinne r yesterday . I t wa s th e firs t chicke n tha t Frank ha d eve r dresse d bu t i t wa s rea l tende r an d good, " sh e re ported happily. Sh e foun d othe r domesti c task s mor e daunting : "Nex t week I expec t t o was h th e parlo r curtain s bu t I haven' t an y ide a o f how muc h starc h t o pu t int o them." 7 Mrs . Perry' s weekl y letter s t o her ow n agin g mothe r durin g thi s perio d offe r a n interestin g three generation comparison . I n th e sam e matter-of-fac t ton e foun d i n her daughter's letters , sh e reporte d famil y new s an d loca l events , an d occasionally offere d comfortin g advice , a s i n th e followin g straight forward respons e t o a questio n he r mothe r ha d apparentl y aske d her: " I shouldn' t thin k i t wa s an y mor e wicke d t o clea n hous e o n Decoration Da y than t o play baseball if one wa s inclined to." 8 Mothers sough t advic e fro m adul t daughter s o n weightie r domes tic matter s a s well , ofte n wher e th e welfar e an d behavio r o f othe r offspring wer e involved . Hele n Jackso n Cabo t Alm y consulte d he r oldest daughter Mary , twenty-fiv e year s old at the time, when she was afraid sh e ha d bee n to o lenien t wit h anothe r daughter : "Bett y ha d dinner a t th e Putnam' s an d wen t canoein g with Jamie. (Wa s I rathe r foolish t o le t her?)." 9 Anni e Winso r Allen' s mothe r complaine d bit terly to her about her sister Jane's behavior: "She treats me with great indifference usually—ofte n wit h contemp t & no t infrequentl y wit h displeasure & anger. Sh e doe s no t regar d m y advic e o f whic h I giv e her a s littl e a s I can, no r car e fo r m y opinio n whic h sh e often know s even whe n I do no t expres s it." 10 Althoug h sh e regrette d th e neces sity t o discus s th e fault s o f on e o f he r childre n wit h another , sh e greatly appreciate d Annie' s respons e t o th e situation , whic h sh e foun d "very wise. " Sh e continue d t o shar e he r concern s abou t Jane , an d occasionally abou t anothe r daughte r whos e uncommunicativ e man -

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ner distresse d her. 11 Bessi e Hitchcock' s repl y t o a lette r abou t he r brother's drinkin g proble m suggest s tha t he r mothe r als o discusse d one child' s fault s wit h another : "You r lette r ha s nearl y broke n m y heart! Wh y mus t yo u hav e s o muc h troubl e whe n yo u ough t t o b e beginning t o have a good tim e with your grown-up boy s and girls." 12 Eugenie Home r Emerso n replie d i n a similarly sympatheti c manne r to he r mother' s lamen t ove r th e impendin g marriag e o f he r so n Tom, wh o wa s th e las t chil d t o leav e home , an d encourage d he r t o take pleasur e i n the great happiness he r brother ha d found. 13 Like the behavior of siblings, other aspects of domestic life prompte d mothers t o confide thei r disconten t an d anxietie s t o thei r daughters . The mothe r o f Mau d Rittenhous e elicite d he r daughter' s concer n and sympath y whe n sh e complaine d abou t th e tediousnes s o f he r daily routine . "Wha t a miserable selfis h creatur e I hav e bee n t o tak e every advantag e fo r cultivation , an d sta y awa y fro m home , whil e m y little mother-bir d wear s hersel f ou t wit h vexin g domesti c problems, " Maud confide d t o he r diary. 14 Visit s fro m famil y member s coul d generate complaint s simila r t o thos e o f Mrs. Rittenhouse , a s whe n Mary Hitchcoc k foun d hersel f cleaning and arranging things "as they will hav e t o be when Aun t Ma y comes which I suppose wil l be the last of thi s week . I drea d he r comin g ver y muc h fo r sh e i s i n a ver y doleful stat e just now." Emily Perkins Hale also felt herself "a helpless victim" when sh e ha d t o entertain a relative who , though "interestin g and agreeable, " had no interest in any activity but talking. As a result, Mrs. Hal e tol d he r daughte r wearily : " I am s o overcom e wit h cousi n Lucy's visit that I shall no t write a real letter till she ha s gone, which I don't kno w when i t will be!" 15 Evidence o f share d confidence s betwee n mother s an d adul t daughters seem s t o follo w logicall y fro m th e earlie r example s tha t suggested tha t mutua l suppor t an d carin g characterize d relation ships, eve n i n case s wher e factor s suc h a s adolescen t behavio r an d untraditional ambition s migh t intrud e o n mother-daughte r interac tions. I t i s hardl y surprisin g tha t th e alliance s forme d i n thes e con texts woul d remai n stron g a s youn g wome n matured . I n man y in stances, adul t daughter s probabl y fel t eve n close r t o thei r mother s than the y ha d earlier, especially whe n the y shared th e experiences o f marriage an d child-rearing . One o f th e stronges t traditiona l intergenerationa l bonds , th e ex -

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perience o f pregnanc y an d childbirth , continue d t o link mothers an d their adul t daughter s a s i t had throughou t th e nineteent h century. 16 Even an unconventional daughte r could take comfort i n her mother' s presence an d appreciat e he r assistanc e bot h befor e an d afte r th e arrival o f a n infant : fo r example , despit e ver y ambivalen t feeling s about he r mother , Charlott e Perkin s Gilma n welcome d he r hel p when sh e wa s il l durin g pregnancy , an d followin g th e birt h o f he r daughter a s well. 17 Certainl y mor e domesticall y incline d daughter s found i t completel y natura l t o shar e thes e event s wit h thei r mother s from beginnin g t o end . Whe n Eliz a Brow n Moor e reporte d he r pregnancy t o he r mother , sh e aske d he r no t t o tel l anyon e else . Describing ho w he r stomac h rejecte d "everythin g i t don' t like, " sh e alluded t o the common bon d thi s experience create d betwee n mothe r and daughter : " I kno w I can' t tel l yo u . . . new s abou t thi s stag e i n the proceeding—fo r yo u hav e gon e thi s wa y s o man y time s befor e me." 18 Lul u Perr y Fulle r desperatel y wante d he r mothe r t o b e pre sent for th e birth of her second child, and asked he r husband t o write to her : "Lul u say s sh e doesn' t se e ho w sh e ca n ge t alon g withou t Mother and wishe s I would as k her t o come," he reported. 19 Daughters relie d o n materna l inpu t i n thi s phas e o f thei r live s even wher e unusua l distanc e prevente d a mother' s direc t persona l involvement. Fo r France s Tuttle , livin g i n China , i t was important t o anticipate th e possibilit y o f pregnanc y an d t o b e prepare d i f i t oc curred. Accordingly , sh e asked he r mother t o send sample s of appropriate fabri c fo r bab y dresses : " I trul y hop e I won t nee d an y fo r years, but it isn't bad t o have some knowledg e alon g thos e lines." 20 A year later , sh e foun d hersel f pregnant ; sh e woul d hav e preferre d t o wait unti l afte r th e baby' s birt h t o tel l he r mother , bu t sh e neede d her advice. Sh e assure d he r tha t she looke d forwar d wit h pleasur e t o having a child eve n thoug h th e pregnanc y ha d no t been planned , bu t she di d admi t t o being worrie d tha t sh e migh t no t "kno w what t o d o with i t afte r i t arrives. " "Wha t finally decide d m e t o tel l yo u al l thi s now was my perplexity ove r the clothes [fo r th e baby]," she confesse d to her mother . Sh e wondere d whethe r "ho t weather babies " ought t o wear flannel an d ho w man y little dresses she should make. 21 The earlie r reticenc e regardin g he r pregnanc y reflecte d Frances' s desire t o spar e he r mothe r month s o f worr y rathe r tha n an y unwill ingness t o confide; sh e fel t fre e t o write i n detail abou t he r conditio n

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in subsequen t letters . "Ther e i s nothin g especiall y privat e t o write — or especiall y public . Al l of m y letter s t o yo u ar e mor e o r les s private , however, fo r I tel l yo u everything, " sh e declared , addin g tha t he r doctor "ver y muc h approve d o f th e fact that I never wear a corset." 22 Recovering fro m childbirth , sh e reiterate d he r sens e o f th e commo n bond o f femal e experienc e i n he r observation s o n th e difficultie s o f giving birt h an d th e aftermath : " I woul d lik e t o pou r ou t al l m y troubles int o your sympathetic ears , but I guess it would b e better no t as yo u kno w the m alread y an d the y ar e quit e to o fres h i n m y min d for m e t o dwel l o n wit h safety . . . . I t i s a kind Providenc e tha t keep s us fro m knowin g befor e han d wha t is in store fo r us , isn't it?" 23 News o f a daughter's pregnanc y coul d b e a n occasio n fo r celebra tion rathe r tha n a cause fo r worry . Whe n th e mothe r o f Lydi a Mari e Parsons learne d tha t he r daughte r wa s expectin g a baby , sh e wa s delighted: " I fee l lik e pinchin g m e t o se e tha t I a m reall y awak e fo r such [a ] happy messag e I had no t looked for, " she wrote. "I just crie d tears o f joy, fo r I kno w no w m y littl e Darlin g wil l neve r b e lonesom e again, an d wit h suc h a dea r Husban d & bab y wh y Lydi a yo u wil l come t o you r joys a t last." Reflecting he r ow n desir e t o be par t of th e event, sh e suggeste d tha t Lydi a migh t wan t t o "com e home " fo r he r confinement. 24 He r reaction to her granddaughter's birth was equally emotional: "Ma y sh e b e a constan t joy an d pleasur e t o he r parents , the sam e a s its very dear Mothe r has been t o Daddy an d m e sinc e sh e was born." 25 Upo n learnin g tha t Lydi a wa s pregnan t agai n te n year s later, sh e reveale d ver y traditiona l feeling s abou t th e centralit y o f motherhood i n a woman's life: "Peopl e tha t have n o children I imag ine liv e a life o f sham, never kno w th e real meanin g wha t life consist s of. . . . I kno w tha t m y lif e alway s ha s bee n wrappe d u p entirel y fo r my children , an d m y Darlin g Lydia , [you ] ar e suc h a wonderfu l Mother, devote d lik e very few o f the m ar e now days." 26 Once the y arrived, grandchildren clearl y playe d a n important par t in maintainin g an d nurturin g th e connection s betwee n mother s an d daughters. Detaile d discussion s o f thei r development , health , an d latest achievement s pervade d women' s correspondence . Aff a Mine r Tuttle describe d th e particular s o f he r children' s activitie s an d re peated wha t the y sai d i n he r lengthy , frequen t letter s t o he r mother . With one lette r she enclosed a separate not e dictated b y her daughte r Elizabeth t o he r grandmother. 27 Am y Aldi s Bradley , a conventiona l

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homemaker lik e Aff a Mine r Tuttl e bu t apparentl y mor e affluent , wrote extensivel y abou t he r five children . I n on e letter , sh e assure d her mothe r tha t he r prematur e bab y wa s doing well . I n another, sh e reported tha t he r daughte r ha d discovere d he r toes , whic h wer e " a source o f endles s deligh t & wonder" t o her . Sh e als o note d th e fac t that he r childre n ha d whoopin g cough , an d tha t sh e ha d t o curtai l her ver y activ e socia l lif e becaus e sh e foun d tha t "s o man y grow n people [who ] haven t ha d i t ar e afrai d o f it." 28 Professiona l wome n with familie s wer e n o differen t i n thei r enthusias m fo r sharin g th e details o f thei r children' s activitie s with thei r mothers . Fo r example , Annie Winso r Alle n include d a whol e dialogu e betwee n hersel f an d her baby daughte r Nancy , complet e wit h phoneti c spelling , i n one o f her letters to her mother , and enclose d a note dictated an d illustrate d by her daughter Doroth y i n another letter. 29 Not surprisingly , wome n eagerl y welcome d new s abou t thei r grandchildren an d share d i t wit h othe r member s o f th e family. 30 Mary Pierc e Poor' s letter s testifie d t o th e importan t plac e he r grand children hel d i n he r life . Sh e reporte d th e recover y o f on e grandso n from diphtheri a wit h obvious relief , an d sh e worried abou t the safet y of he r grandchildre n o n othe r occasions . "D o be carefu l o f th e boy s on th e fourth!!! " sh e urged . "Eve n a t Cotui t ther e ar e probabl y th e all pervasiv e fire cracker s & probabl y man y mor e deadl y weapon s also. S o tak e care!" 31 He r childre n an d grandchildre n wer e th e cen ter of he r life : "You r daily letter s are daily comforts t o your fathe r & mother. T o hea r tha t th e dea r babie s ar e wel l & th e boy s & thei r mother enjoying themselve s a t the seashore, whic h i s my idea of bliss, makes u s happ y mortals, " she declared . " I long fo r yo u & the babies. To hav e al l thre e o f m y daughter s togethe r i s m y idea l life, " sh e wrote on anothe r occasion. 32 Undoubtedly man y wome n worried , a s Mar y Poo r did , abou t th e well-being o f thei r grandchildre n an d wondere d abou t th e wisdo m of thei r daughters ' child-rearin g decisions . Bu t few see m t o hav e been a s outspoke n o n thi s subjec t a s Anni e Winso r Allen' s mother . Distressed b y th e fac t tha t her son-in-law, he r daughter, an d he r ne w grandchild wer e "crowded together " in the same room, she suggeste d that i t woul d b e mor e appropriat e fo r Jo e t o us e th e empt y gues t room unti l Anni e recovere d fro m th e baby' s birth . " I almos t wis h I didn't kno w th e detail s o f you r squalid living—I neve r hear d o f suc h

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a thin g excep t i n a . . . tenemen t house . . . . You r way s distur b m e with you r lac k o f reserv e an d fres h air, " she complaine d i n a lette r marked "Strictl y Private. " Mrs . Winso r als o objecte d t o th e numbe r of visitor s wh o cam e t o se e th e ne w baby. 33 An d sh e worrie d abou t the lac k o f hea t i n he r grandchildren' s nursery : "Mar y [anothe r daughter] think s yo u hav e n o fireplac e i n you r nursery . I f tha t defi ciency i n building i s from econom y I should lik e nothin g s o well as to supply it , an d I be g yo u wil l le t m e pu t i n a chimne y o r whateve r i s necessary. I neve r coul d bea r t o thin k o f thos e babie s th e leas t under par fo r wan t o f bein g well warmed up, especiall y i n the mornin g whe n in bath." 34 Her e wa s clearly a potentia l sourc e o f conflict , bu t Anni e apparently di d no t respon d with anger or resentment. Sh e was accustomed t o he r mother' s critica l dispositio n an d understoo d her , an d their relationshi p remaine d stable. 35 Although ther e wer e n o childre n t o lin k them , othe r stron g bond s connected mother s an d unmarrie d adul t daughters . Professiona l women whos e career s had been facilitate d b y maternal suppor t ofte n remained ver y close t o their mother s an d eve n live d wit h them . Vid a Scudder's concer n fo r he r mother' s comfor t an d happines s shape d her ow n caree r decisions. I n turn , Mrs . Scudder apparentl y accepte d her daughter's clos e and, possibly, intimate relationship with a femal e contemporary who , alon g wit h he r ow n mother , eventuall y share d their home . Hild a Worthingto n Smith' s mothe r rea d he r daughter' s books, discusse d socia l problem s wit h her, an d als o lived wit h he r fo r a numbe r o f years. 36 Lik e Vid a Scudder , Mar y William s Dewson , a Wellesley graduat e wh o enjoye d a n activ e an d successfu l caree r i n the fiel d o f women' s employmen t an d i n Democrati c politics , live d with he r mothe r unti l th e latter' s death . Sh e als o wrot e a laudator y memoir o f he r whic h sh e trie d earnestly , bu t unsuccessfully , t o pub lish. 37 Mothers provide d continuin g suppor t an d serve d a s an intereste d audience fo r mor e conventiona l singl e women , suc h a s thos e wh o taught elementar y o r secondar y school , a s wel l a s fo r "ne w women " who pursue d mor e revolutionar y activities . Carolin e Hitchcoc k re ported t o her mother in detail when the "school visitor or superinten dent" visited he r biology class . "When I was talking of sea-urchin s h e would interpos e remark s o n th e star-fis h an d whe n I mad e th e star -

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fish m y subjec t h e talke d o f somethin g stil l different, " sh e com plained. He r siste r Lucy , describin g th e Christma s gift s sh e receive d from he r students , wrote : "Bes s i s no t th e onl y on e blesse d wit h remarkable Christmas gifts . . . . Som e o f th e thing s [ I received ] wer e too quee r fo r anything." 38 Hele n Brewste r als o relate d he r teachin g experiences t o he r mother , describin g he r kindergarte n student s i n detail, includin g on e wh o wa s a "howler, " and he r classroom , whic h needed "Japanes e jac k sticks " t o deodoriz e it , an d confidin g he r loneliness whe n sh e move d fro m Hartfor d t o a new job in Plainville , Massachusetts: " I hav e bee n nearl y craz y wit h homesicknes s fo r th e past wee k reall y Mothe r i t is perfectl y terrible , I can't contro l mysel f at all. I get just sic k wit h crying, an d ever y littl e thing discourages m e so, an d wha t d o yo u thin k t o crow n i t al l I hav e los t m y money . . . . Good nigh t wit h literal floods of lov e fro m Th e mos t miserabl e crea ture in the world." 39 As i n th e past , unmarrie d daughter s migh t stil l shar e thei r moth ers' commitment s t o th e famil y an d thus , i n effect , follo w i n thei r footsteps. Representativ e o f th e en d o f th e er a o f th e "daughte r a t home," Agnes an d Luc y Poo r devoted themselve s i n traditional nine teenth-century fashio n t o th e need s o f thei r parent s an d thei r mar ried siblings. 40 Elizabet h Eller y Dan a di d th e same : "Yo u writ e a s if you wer e expectin g m e soon, " sh e tol d he r mother . " I wan t t o se e you ver y muc h darling , bu t i t woul d no t b e righ t t o leav e Charlott e [her married sister ] so with al l her hous e o n he r hands." 41 Even singl e daughter s wh o travele d extensivel y continue d t o car e a great deal abou t events a t home an d t o depend o n frequen t contac t with thei r mothers . "You r letter s alway s see m to o short" thirty-eight year-old Ann a Gertrud e Brewste r wrote to her mother fro m Europe . "Do pu t i n everything , eve n wh o goe s b y o n Sout h stree t no w tha t the ne w bridg e i s open, " sh e urged. 42 Althoug h Elle n Hal e live d a n independent life , travelin g an d studyin g ar t abroad , sh e to o re mained exceptionall y clos e t o he r mothe r an d looke d forwar d t o receiving he r letters . A s thei r voluminou s correspondenc e illustrates , she als o sen t he r mothe r detaile d account s o f th e place s sh e visited , the peopl e sh e met , he r meals , and he r paintin g experiences. 43 Like thei r earlie r counterparts , lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth century mother s an d adul t daughter s regularl y discusse d healt h is -

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sues. 44 Elle n Hal e frequentl y allude d t o digestiv e difficulties—" I hav e decided no t t o g o t o th e mountain s til l tomorrow , owin g t o on e o f those circumstance s whic h w e don' t pu t o n postal-cards , an d whic h occurred directl y afte r Mr . Balch' s dinner. " Sh e ofte n reporte d th e arrival o f "Th e Friend, " noting o n on e occasion , " I think I am goin g to hav e a muc h easie r tim e o f i t tha n las t month." 45 Mrs . Hal e als o described he r healt h problem s an d thos e o f he r ow n elderl y mothe r as well : "Saturda y an d Sunda y I ha d a sor t o f biliou s turn , thoug h today I fee l prett y well, " sh e wrot e i n on e letter . " I wrot e abou t Grandma's nervou s twitching , bu t sh e ha s ha d n o mor e sinc e yester day morning , an d Dr . Hooker' s medicin e seem s t o contro l it, " sh e reported i n another. Report s like these distresse d Ellen : "I can't hel p feeling a littl e uneas y abou t hom e affairs . Yo u spok e o f Granmam ma's not being quite well in your last letter, an d either then or befor e that of you r havin g a cold yourself." 46 Married daughter s ha d thei r ow n familie s t o loo k after , bu t the y too expressed anxiet y about their mothers' health problems . Distanc e exacerbated thei r concerns. Affa Mine r Tuttle, wh o live d i n Indiana , worried incessantl y abou t her mother, particularl y whe n sh e faile d t o hear regularl y fro m he r famil y i n Massachusetts . " I haven' t hear d a word fro m hom e thi s week an d I am beginnin g t o get uneasy—Jea n [her sister ] woul d bette r sen d m e a posta l i f sh e hasn' t tim e fo r a letter just t o le t m e kno w tha t yo u ar e n o worse . . . . I d o hop e yo u are feelin g wel l enoug h t o ge t ou t again, " she tol d he r mother. 47 A s her wistfu l inquir y regardin g th e family' s Thanksgivin g celebratio n in 190 3 suggested , Aff a foun d i t particularl y difficul t t o liv e s o fa r away i n vie w o f he r mother' s increasin g ag e an d frailty: " I wan t t o know no w whethe r Mothe r at e dinne r i n th e dinin g room . Elizabet h and I wer e ther e tw o year s ag o an d Mine r an d I five year s ago." 48 Eugenie Home r Emerson , newl y marrie d a t th e age o f forty-tw o an d living i n Honolul u wit h he r ministe r husband , als o foun d he r inabil ity t o kee p u p o n th e detail s o f he r mother' s healt h distressing . "Mother dear , ho w ar e yo u an d all ? Ho w I wis h I coul d kno w thi s very minute! " she wrote . " I hop e yo u ar e warml y tucke d u p i n you r bed withou t an y pain or irritation fro m you r exzema." 49 When daughter s experience d healt h problems , materna l anxietie s were equall y apparent . On e anxiou s mothe r worrie d tha t her daugh ter woul d no t tak e th e appropriat e precaution s befor e undergoin g

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an operation : "Fro m wha t Dr . Coope r tol d m e I a m sur e th e loca l anaesthetic i s somethin g quit e new . . . . Th e expens e i s no t t o b e considered wher e you r lif e an d healt h ar e i n th e scale . An d I do no t want yo u t o conside r t h a t . . . . I d o no t thin k yo u ough t t o le t an y etiquette hav e weigh t i n regar d t o a n operatio n s o importan t a s this. . . . It should b e done where i t can be done with the greatest safety." 50 The lingerin g illnes s o f anothe r daughte r prompte d he r mothe r t o suggest tha t sh e shoul d "tak e th e Childre n & com e her e an d Sta y untill yo u ar e better I think ther e mus t b e something i n th e Locatio n that doesn t sui t yo u a s i t seem s som e o f yo u ar e sic k mos t o f th e time." Thi s mothe r expresse d he r continuin g concern s abou t th e health o f he r daughte r an d he r famil y a yea r late r whe n sh e wrote : "Are yo u al l wel l no w I think s o muc h abou t yo u tha t I dream abou t you whe n I havent hear d fo r som e time." 51 Just a s concern s abou t on e another' s healt h understandabl y in creased whe n mother s an d daughter s live d fa r apart , distanc e coul d create othe r difficultie s fo r them . Whil e i t di d no t impai r th e clos e and affectionate relationshi p Eugeni e Home r Emerson and her mothe r had share d befor e he r marriage , i t mean t tha t the y rarel y sa w on e another. Mrs . Homer' s advancin g ag e mad e i t impossibl e fo r he r t o travel t o Hawai i t o visi t he r daughter , wh o deplore d th e necessit y t o rely o n correspondenc e an d particularl y regrette d he r ow n inabilit y to g o hom e fo r specia l occasions . Bu t he r mothe r foun d a wa y t o cope wit h thei r separation : "Giv e u s particulars—wha t yo u hav e fo r dinner, wha t yo u d o an d wher e yo u go ; d o no t thin k anythin g to o small t o tell . / don' t an d i t make s yo u see m neare r t o us, " sh e ad vised. 52 Th e sam e approac h worke d fo r France s Tuttle, wh o kep t i n close touc h wit h he r mothe r b y sharin g th e detail s o f he r lif e an d missionary wor k i n Chin a an d discussin g th e new s fro m hom e i n regular weekly letters. 53 To som e extent , geograph y als o determine d th e natur e o f th e relationship betwee n Sophi a Bledso e Herric k an d he r daughter Louis e Herrick Wall , wh o move d wit h he r husban d fro m th e Eas t Coas t t o Aberdeen, Washington , an d eventuall y t o Portland , Oregon . Visit s were impractica l an d few , s o Mrs. Herric k poure d ou t he r lov e an d longing fo r he r daughte r i n multitudinou s length y letters. 54 Bu t th e case of Sophi a Bledso e Herric k als o illustrates anothe r featur e o f th e relationship betwee n som e mother s an d thei r adul t daughters : al -

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though sh e ha d a successful professiona l caree r herself, Mrs . Herric k seems t o hav e bee n particularl y dependen t o n he r children emotion ally. Sh e ha d divorce d he r husban d becaus e hi s commitmen t t o th e philosophy o f th e Oneid a communit y wa s unacceptabl e t o her . N o doubt thi s account s i n par t fo r th e intensit y o f he r attachmen t t o Louise, whic h sh e articulate d i n highl y emotiona l terms : "Th e worl d would mea n nothin g t o m e if yo u wer e no t i n it . An d i t i s onl y b y steadily turnin g m y thought s awa y fro m th e fac t o f you r bein g s o many mile s away that I can keep cheerful," she declared i n one letter . "Virgie [anothe r daughter ] think s I am ver y lugubriou s a t time s an d speaks abou t ho w you r bein g gon e affect s m e & I tr y no t t o mak e i t more disagreeabl e tha n I hav e t o her, " sh e continued. 55 Anothe r observation, regardin g Louise' s absenc e o n Christma s Day , 1889 , highlighted he r feelings o f loss and he r nee d t o feel connecte d t o he r daughter: "Yo u seem mor e hopelessly fa r away because th e time s ar e so different . I f I coul d thin k o f yo u a t an y tim e a s doin g a t al l wha t we are doing I t would seem as though you were i n the same world." 56 Mrs. Herrick' s respons e t o a particularly gloom y though t Louis e ha d expressed suggest s tha t th e latte r reciprocate d he r mother' s intens e affection: " I hav e neve r ha d th e though t yo u hav e ha d tha t w e 'ma y go ou t together, ' " the devote d mothe r replied . "Leavin g yo u woul d be almost th e hardes t par t of it . . . . It helps m e t o know tha t you fee l so . . . I hav e neve r ha d suc h clos e an d rea l companionshi p with anyone els e in the world." 57 Victoria Boot h Demarest' s mother , wh o wa s th e daughte r o f th e founder o f th e Salvation Army , als o had marita l problem s an d relie d on he r daughte r fo r emotiona l support . He r letters , lik e thos e o f Sophia Bledso e Herrick , documen t th e intens e attachmen t o f a n emotionally need y mothe r t o a beloved daughter . T o Catherin e Booth Clibborn, he r daughter , wh o worked wit h he r i n the religiou s reviva l movement, wa s a "twin soul," an d a "comforter companio n & Lover 8c friend." 58 Sh e consulte d Victori a abou t he r marita l difficultie s an d asked he r to intervene on he r behalf; begged he r to eat properly an d get enoug h rest ; worrie d abou t he r persona l comfort ; an d implore d her t o writ e mor e ofte n an d "tel l m e o f you r insid e lif e darling." 59 Her affectionat e ton e often bordere d o n th e infantile—fo r example , "Now yo u wil l hav e no more crying fits because tha t spoils little Doves! ! & They d o no t coo & comfort thei r littl e mother s whe n the y ar e sic k

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& cry!!" and "M y ow n flower M y Dimple—M y Comforte r M y Ange l Child." 60 Occasionall y th e ton e wa s mor e lik e tha t o f a lover. 61 Th e quality o f Catherin e Booth-Clibborn' s entreatie s t o he r daughte r probably reflect s a combination o f he r own personal emotional needs , her passionat e commitmen t t o preaching , an d a stron g desir e fo r Victoria t o carry on he r work. Nevertheless , th e overall impressio n i s one o f intens e materna l pressur e tha t could b e destructive to a motherdaughter relationship . Ye t Victoria apparently understoo d he r moth er's temperament an d sympathize d wit h he r concerns. Sh e treasure d her letters , whic h sh e labeled , " A fe w o f m y mother' s . . . ver y pre cious ver y wonderfu l an d revealin g lov e letter s receive d whe n I wa s in S t Cloud 190 8 an d i n German y 1909-1910, " and " A few preciou s love letter s fro m Mothe r 1914-15-16." 6 2 Th e diar y sh e kep t whil e traveling wit h he r mothe r i n 191 4 recorde d he r devote d effort s t o support an d hel p her . Entrie s suc h a s " I slee p wit h m y darling . Sh e confides he r trouble s t o me" ; "I pac k fo r mothe r & get ou r thing s i n order"; "Slept wit h Mother—sh e i s suc h a darling" ; an d "Mothe r leaves fo r Englan d I hat e t o separat e fro m he r & to hav e t o le t he r travel alon e Sh e looke d s o patheti c whe n sh e sai d goodbye " offer n o evidence tha t Victori a foun d anythin g unusua l i n thei r relationshi p or resente d th e emotiona l demand s he r mothe r made . Apparentl y their interaction s wer e conditione d b y thei r share d religiou s fait h and thei r joint commitmen t t o preaching , an d wer e generall y har monious rathe r tha n hostile. 63 The manifes t absenc e o f significan t conflic t i n th e rathe r strang e relationship betwee n Victori a Boot h Demares t an d he r mother raise s once agai n th e issu e o f mother-daughte r conflic t mor e generally . Despite th e clea r generationa l discontinuitie s the y represented , th e educational an d professiona l aspiration s of th e "new woman" did no t generate th e sor t o f fundamenta l mother-daughte r hostilit y tha t migh t have bee n expected , give n thei r revolutionar y character . No r did th e presence o f tensio n betwee n adolescen t daughter s an d thei r mother s create th e sor t o f unbridgeabl e ga p allude d t o i n popula r magazine s and advic e manuals . I t i s no t surprising , then , t o find tha t mother s and adul t daughter s communicate d wit h on e anothe r regularl y an d valued thei r relationship s highly . Fo r "ne w women, " whose mother s had bee n instrumenta l i n thei r abilitie s t o achiev e thei r ambitions ,

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mature adulthoo d mus t hav e brough t a n increasin g recognitio n o f the significan t rol e materna l suppor t ha d playe d i n thei r lives . Fo r women whos e adul t live s conforme d t o mor e traditiona l patterns , maturity undoubtedl y strengthene d th e sens e o f share d femal e ex periences an d generationa l connections . Fo r olde r mothers , daugh ters wer e a uniqu e sourc e o f comfor t an d sustenance . A s on e elderl y mother observed : "Son s wives are no t you r ow n girl s i f the y ar e eve r so good , yo u d o no t fee l a s fre e with a Daughte r i n la w a s your ow e [sic] child."64 Nevertheless, interpersona l conflic t wa s no t completel y absen t fro m the relationship s o f adul t daughter s an d thei r mothers . Typicall y such conflic t too k th e for m o f relativel y trivia l dispute s ove r ordinar y domestic matters . Fo r Blanch e Ame s Ames , a propose d famil y visi t furnished a n occasion fo r thi s sort of problem : "If you an d Fathe r d o not wan t t o come t o North Easto n pleas e don't, fo r what pleasur e wil l there b e fo r an y o f u s if I know al l th e time , yo u ar e wishin g t o b e a t home an d yo u o n you r par t ar e simpl y goin g throug h th e visi t be cause yo u fee l yo u must, " sh e wrot e t o he r mothe r i n 1900 . A n unmarried daughte r wh o care d fo r he r mothe r a t home , a s Jea n Miner did , migh t b e sorel y trie d b y th e effor t o f "tryin g t o pleas e & do fo r he r & not bein g abl e t o sui t i n anythin g o r way," and indee d could find i t necessar y "t o just ge t ou t i n orde r t o hav e an y nerve s left sta y i n m y roo m o r ru n off. " O r sh e migh t worry , a s Luc y Hitchcock did , abou t th e fac t tha t he r mothe r wa s disturbe d whe n her siste r "pu t littl e privat e notes " t o he r i n famil y letters , an d thu s feel compelle d t o ask her to "send a separate letter " in order t o avoi d piquing materna l curiosity. 65 Pressur e t o writ e an d visi t mor e fre quently mus t hav e als o annoye d daughters , althoug h the y ma y hav e avoided articulatin g thei r objections. 66 Indeed , adul t daughter s wh o led traditiona l domesti c live s ma y hav e experience d mor e o f suc h pressure tha n thei r les s conventional contemporarie s whos e mother s recognized an d eve n applauded a clear difference betwee n thei r ow n routines and thos e of their offspring. 67 More comple x conflic t coul d als o distur b th e equilibriu m betwee n mothers an d adul t daughters . Ell a Reev e Bloor , a thrice-marrie d radical unio n organize r an d suffragist , complaine d angril y tha t he r daughter Hele n seldo m wrot e t o he r fro m Europ e wher e sh e wa s studying th e violi n an d performin g concerts , an d tha t sh e tol d he r

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nothing abou t he r fiance. He r ange r wa s accompanie d b y plaintiv e expressions o f he r nee d fo r reassuranc e abou t he r importanc e t o Helen, fo r example : " I wish you'd writ e m e a real old time r I' m you r same ol d chu m no t a bit old inside , just a s lively a s ever Le t m e i n t o your very soul—I'l l always understand—I go t sore when I thought you thought ol d Mo m didn' t understand." 68 Her e wa s a conflic t gener ated b y th e insecurity , an d possibl y als o guilt , experience d b y a n undomestic, unconventiona l mothe r whos e ow n wor k commitment s took he r awa y fro m he r childre n fo r extende d periods . Despit e this , however, sh e coul d no t accep t wha t sh e regarde d a s neglec t o n th e part o f he r adul t daughter . I t i s interestin g tha t whil e Ell a Reev e Bloor continue d t o objec t t o he r daughter' s negligenc e a s a corre spondent, sh e als o sympathize d wit h Helen' s distres s ove r th e com munication difficultie s sh e experienced with her own daughter. 69 The trouble d relationshi p betwee n Laur a Ingall s Wilde r an d he r daughter, Ros e Wilde r Lane , offer s on e additiona l exampl e o f mor e serious dissensio n betwee n a mothe r an d a n adul t daughter . Shape d in par t by their demand s o n eac h othe r a s writers and their efforts t o work togethe r a s professiona l colleagues , thei r conflic t wa s mani fested throug h clashin g need s fo r mutua l affirmatio n an d autonomy . Mrs. Wilde r depende d o n he r daughte r fo r economi c security , bu t she foun d i t difficult t o acknowledg e th e latter' s contribution s t o he r welfare, whil e Ros e sough t he r mother' s approva l an d resente d he r demands. Althoug h sh e fel t tha t sh e ha d bee n deprive d o f materna l nurturing a s a child, Ros e neve r believe d tha t sh e ha d don e enoug h for he r mothe r a s a n adult . A recen t analysi s o f thi s relationshi p suggests tha t thei r struggle i s reflected i n th e storie s and articles the y produced a s well a s in their persona l papers. 70 This example , lik e tha t o f Ell a Reev e Bloor , describe s a n atypica l relationship betwee n tw o unusua l women . Bot h case s illustrat e ho w specific circumstance s an d particula r persona l characteristics fostere d problems fo r mother s an d adul t daughters . Obviously , th e idiosyn crasies o f individua l wome n coul d affec t mother-daughte r interac tions i n othe r way s as well. Eve n withi n individua l families , tempera mental difference s migh t allo w on e daughte r t o enjo y a close , affectionate relationshi p with he r mothe r whil e a siste r experience d serious, overt conflict wit h her. 71 It is difficult t o discer n precisel y th e exten t t o which tension s ma y

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have intrude d int o th e interaction s o f mother s an d adul t daughter s during th e perio d betwee n 188 0 and 1920 . As i n th e cas e of younge r daughters, th e absenc e o f over t reference s t o conflic t doe s no t indi cate tha t i t did no t occur . Indeed , a s daughters gre w older , the y ma y have becom e eve n mor e reticen t abou t recordin g o r expressin g an ger, bot h a s a result o f thei r ow n socializatio n an d ou t o f respec t fo r aging mothers. 72 Henc e th e possibilit y tha t mor e dissensio n existe d than is readily apparent certainly cannot b e discounted . Mary Bulkley's recollection s of th e lif e sh e share d wit h her mothe r after he r fathe r die d revea l tha t a matur e daughter' s patienc e coul d be straine d severel y despit e th e absenc e o f manifes t antagonism . Mary resente d th e degre e t o whic h materna l need s an d concern s constrained he r activities . Sh e wa s annoyed b y he r mother' s assump tion tha t a n unmarrie d daughte r ha d n o lif e o f he r own , an d b y he r excessive anxieties . " I foun d ou t wha t a tyrann y a n overpowerin g and possessiv e affectio n coul d be . I spent m y tim e waverin g betwee n disgust wit h mysel f an d impatienc e an d irritatio n a t being treate d i n my fiftie s a s i f I wer e fifteen," sh e remembered . Thei r conflic t wa s unspoken, however , an d althoug h sh e gre w increasingl y dependen t on he r daughte r a s he r ow n healt h declined , Mrs. Bulkle y worrie d primarily abou t he r daughter' s abilit y t o manag e withou t he r afte r her death . Thi s perceptio n o f thei r respectiv e role s convince d Mar y that sh e ha d bee n a goo d daughte r eve n thoug h sh e ha d resente d her obligations . Bu t i n a fran k an d pointe d statemen t abou t thei r relationship, sh e clearly revealed th e complexity o f a mature woman' s feelings abou t he r responsibilitie s fo r a n elderl y mother : " I hav e never reall y regrette d wha t I was enabled t o do fo r m y mother , bu t it is t o m e a sourc e o f grea t satisfactio n tha t I shal l neve r hav e t o tak e from an y one wha t I gave to my mother." 73 Despite th e ambivalence reflecte d i n Mar y Bulkley's reminiscences , and i n th e experience s o f othe r wome n a s well, o n balanc e th e avail able evidenc e suggest s tha t mother s an d adul t daughter s recognize d the vita l importanc e o f eac h t o th e other , an d acknowledge d i t i n various ways—i n th e frequenc y o f thei r communications , i n thei r enduring interes t i n th e detail s o f on e another' s lives , an d i n th e articulation o f thei r lov e an d concer n fo r on e another . Th e dept h and strengt h o f thi s affectio n wa s ofte n expresse d i n th e contex t o f birthday greetings , suc h a s thos e extende d b y Mar y Pierc e Poo r t o

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her daughte r Agne s o n th e latter' s forty-firs t birthday : "Muc h lov e goes t o yo u . . . o n you r birthday ! You r fathe r & I loo k upo n you r life a s on e o f ou r greates t blessings . Indee d I d o no t kno w ho w w e could hav e live d withou t you. " Daughters coul d b e equall y eloquent , as suggeste d b y Elle n Hale' s sentiment s o n he r mother' s sixtiet h birthday: " I shal l thin k o f yo u continuall y durin g th e day—eve n oftener tha n usual , i t [sic] won't b e ver y lon g befor e w e shall meet , and the n I shall hav e th e sixt y kisses , i t is easier fo r yo u t o feel ho w I feel tha n fo r m e t o write about it,— I don' t think you can imagine m y affection mor e tha n it is." 74 On he r own birthday in 1904 , Affa Mine r Tuttle wrote : "Thi s i s m y birthday . S o I mus t writ e an d tel l yo u tha t I a m gla d tha t yo u live d & tha t I live d an d lov e yo u u p fo r m y birthday." Her sister , Elizabet h Garman , note d he r mother's birthda y in he r diar y eve n afte r he r death , an d Elizabet h Eller y Dan a remem bered he r mother' s birthda y b y placin g flowers o n he r grave. 75 To som e extent , th e characte r o f th e interaction s betwee n middle class mother s an d adul t daughter s durin g th e perio d 1880-192 0 represents a continuatio n o f th e trend s illustrate d b y th e relation ships of younge r daughter s an d thei r mothers . I f discord wa s not th e distinguishing featur e durin g th e year s whe n youn g wome n wer e i n the proces s o f becomin g "ne w women, " i t wa s probabl y unlikel y t o increase a s th e maturit y o f daughter s remove d th e mos t obviou s sources of potentia l conflict . However , i t is also important to conside r how broade r societa l influence s ma y hav e shape d th e natur e o f th e relationship a s bot h generation s experience d ne w stage s i n th e lif e cycle. For example , earl y twentieth-centur y change s i n famil y demo graphic pattern s produce d fallin g deat h rate s an d risin g lif e expec tancies. Amon g othe r things , thi s mean t tha t fewe r daughter s los t their mother s prematurely . I t als o mean t tha t wome n wer e likel y t o live t o se e thei r grandchildren , an d t o participat e i n th e live s of thei r adult childre n fo r a n extende d period. 76 Thu s daughter s coul d ex pect t o have th e benefi t o f materna l guidanc e an d suppor t throug h a significant portio n o f thei r ow n adul t years . The y coul d als o antici pate additiona l responsibilit y fo r a n elderl y mother' s welfar e sinc e longer lif e wa s likely to lead t o increased dependenc e on middle-age d offspring.

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l 1

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As a resul t o f thes e demographi c changes , th e mother-daughte r relationship no w laste d longe r tha n i t ha d i n th e past , an d thu s women ha d a n opportunity t o know eac h other a s equals an d friend s as wel l a s paren t an d child . Possibl y thi s prolonge d contac t fostere d and eve n increase d th e intensit y o f thei r companionship . I n th e context of extended , intimat e mother-daughte r relationships , th e impact of materna l deat h migh t be particularly devastating fo r a daughter who foun d hersel f beref t o f he r closes t frien d an d mento r just a s she wa s i n th e proces s o f copin g wit h th e trauma s o f middl e age , th e recognition o f he r ow n mortality , an d s o forth . Whil e i t i s als o pos sible tha t relationship s o f longe r duratio n resulte d i n mor e tension , and eve n resentment , a s daughters' obligations increased , th e weigh t of th e availabl e evidenc e suggest s tha t wa s no t generall y th e case . Although i t i s difficul t t o documen t precisely , i t appear s tha t mater nal economic insecurit y di d no t constitute a major are a of concer n i n the middle-clas s familie s whos e experience s hav e bee n considere d i n this chapter . Perhap s th e financial independenc e o f elderl y mother s partially explain s th e apparen t absenc e o f tensio n eve n a s daughter s found themselve s responsibl e fo r othe r aspect s o f mothers ' welfar e over a longer perio d o f time. 77 Extended lif e expectancie s als o mean t tha t marriage s laste d longer , and thu s tha t co-residenc e betwee n parent s an d adul t childre n wa s relatively infrequent . Whil e thei r husband s wer e alive , fe w wome n lived wit h marrie d offspring . Bu t whe n the y wer e widowed , thi s changed. 78 Thi s demographi c tren d ma y hav e affecte d mother daughter relationship s i n severa l ways . First , th e declin e i n co-resi dence coul d hav e fostere d harmon y b y reducin g th e potentia l fo r tension tha t would b e likely to exist i n a household mad e u p of thre e generations. Affectio n an d mutua l suppor t coul d predominat e i n relationships wher e mother s an d adul t daughter s di d no t challeng e or compete wit h one anothe r with regard t o the routine s an d respon sibilities o f dail y life . Thi s situatio n seem s t o describ e man y o f th e preceding examples of interactions betwee n matur e wome n an d thei r mothers. However , circumstance s migh t change , a s the shock o f wid owhood terminate d a lon g marriag e an d a n agin g mothe r suddenl y became extremel y dependen t o n a daughter , eithe r emotionall y o r physically o r both . I f co-residenc e followe d a father' s death , ne w tensions coul d certainl y ensue. 79

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The continuatio n o f a n earlie r tren d i n the structur e of th e Amer ican famil y als o contribute d t o th e maintenanc e o f intimac y betwee n mothers an d adul t daughter s betwee n 188 0 and 1920 . The closenes s of th e middle-clas s nuclea r family , an d it s growin g isolatio n bot h from othe r relative s an d fro m th e wide r societ y i n th e cours e o f th e nineteenth century , mad e i t especiall y difficul t fo r youn g wome n t o break awa y fro m thei r familie s o f origi n whe n the y married . Despit e the fac t tha t marriage s wer e founde d o n th e basi s o f lov e an d ro mance, i t was no t unusua l fo r a nineteenth-centur y daughter , o r fo r her counterpart s a t th e tur n o f th e centur y an d beyond , t o hav e difficulty adjustin g t o th e separatio n fro m parent s an d siblings , an d to wan t t o remai n a par t o f thei r lives , just a s Blanch e Ame s did. 80 Undoubtedly, thi s situatio n promote d an d fostere d stron g tie s tha t endured a s mothers age d an d daughter s mature d int o middle age . The existenc e o f powerfu l tie s betwee n olde r wome n an d thei r daughters ha s bee n documente d elsewhere , fo r exampl e i n th e con text o f mid-twentieth-centur y Englis h working-clas s familie s studie d by Michae l Youn g an d Pete r Willmott , an d als o earlie r i n th e nine teenth century. 81 Thes e studie s sugges t tha t fo r a t leas t som e adul t daughters, th e mother-daughte r relationshi p too k precedenc e ove r spousal interactions . Whil e th e foregoin g example s offer n o evidenc e that thi s wa s th e cas e i n lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-centur y American middle-clas s families , othe r similaritie s ca n b e noted . Lik e the Englis h working-clas s daughter s wh o move d awa y fro m thei r home neighborhoods , America n middle-clas s daughter s staye d i n close touc h wit h thei r mother s whe n the y wer e separate d fro m the m geographically. Whil e socioeconomi c statu s (an d obviousl y cultura l differences a s well) certainly distinguishe d th e two groups of women , the source s indicat e tha t lik e thos e interviewe d b y Youn g an d Will mott, man y middle-clas s America n daughter s als o experience d th e same domesti c concern s thei r mother s faced , an d tha t the y foun d comfort i n sharing thos e concerns . An d thei r mothers, too, benefite d from th e clos e an d endurin g tie s tha t characterize d th e mother daughter relationship . Finally , a s in th e cas e o f th e Englis h working class families , th e interaction s o f middle-clas s America n mother s an d daughters involve d fa r mor e tha n a mer e exchang e o f services. 82 While th e precis e quantitie s o f dut y an d affectio n tha t define d th e structure o f th e relationshi p canno t b e specified , i t is clear tha t thes e

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!33

mothers an d daughter s maintaine d an d nurture d thei r tie s t o on e another throughou t th e life cycle. As a youn g woman , Luc y Wilso n Peter s ha d acknowledge d he r mother's centra l rol e i n he r ow n lif e whe n sh e chos e t o b e marrie d on he r parents ' anniversary . A s a n adult , sh e expresse d th e essenc e of a matur e daughter' s lov e an d respec t afte r he r mother' s death , when she carefully copie d th e latter's reminiscences t o preserve them . At th e en d o f he r cop y sh e penne d th e followin g conclusion : " I shall never ge t ove r th e terribl e voi d tha t cam e int o m y lif e whe n m y talented mothe r close d he r eyes o n Februar y 26 , 1913 , t o open the m in heaven . I t ha s bee n har d fo r m e t o copy he r beautifu l writing , fo r my eye s would fill, a s I realize d ther e woul d b e n o mor e t o copy . I would no t cal l he r bac k thoug h I a m s o lonesome." 83 Neithe r he r devotion no r he r feelin g o f loss was unusual .

C H A P T E R7

" T H E R E V O L T O F TH E D A U G H T E R S " : MIDDLE-CLAS S ENGLISH MOTHER S AND DAUGHTER S

T

HE preponderanc e o f strong, mutuall y supportive America n mother-daughter interaction s betwee n 188 0 and 192 0 seem s especially strikin g i n light of th e conspicuously differen t pat terns reveale d b y a n investigatio n o f middle-clas s Englis h mother daughter relationship s durin g th e sam e period . Becaus e th e live s o f women i n bot h societie s wer e altere d significantl y a s a result o f simi lar socia l an d cultura l change s tha t marke d thes e fou r decades , a comparative examinatio n ca n enhance th e development o f a comprehensive historica l understandin g o f America n mother-daughte r rela tionships. Despit e th e potentia l contribution s o f suc h a n approach , relatively fe w cross-cultura l comparison s ar e attempte d b y social his torians. Fo r example , whil e th e us e o f th e ter m "Victorian " ofte n implies significan t overla p betwee n America n an d Englis h socia l an d cultural experiences , thi s potentia l linkag e i s teste d onl y infre quently.1 Give n th e absenc e o f agreemen t regardin g bot h th e defini tion an d th e methodolog y o f comparativ e history , historians ' reluc tance i n thi s are a i s understandable . Nevertheless , a cross-cultura l consideration o f late nineteenth- and early twentieth-century mother daughter interaction s ca n hel p t o define th e parameter s of thi s topic , which ha s receive d littl e historica l scrutin y t o date. Th e additio n o f a comparative perspectiv e wil l hel p t o distinguis h betwee n aspect s o f the relationshi p tha t specificall y reflec t th e America n setting , an d those tha t resonat e i n a broade r context . An d i t ma y als o identif y important additiona l issue s tha t merit furthe r study . 134

"THE REVOL T O F TH E DAUGHTERS " 13

5

Regardless o f th e possibl e benefit s o f compariso n fo r th e develop ment of a new field lik e the history of mother-daughte r relationships , a comparativ e effor t ca n b e especiall y risk y wher e n o establishe d knowledge bas e exists as a foundation fo r th e construction o f a broader picture. I n thi s sense , th e attemp t t o compare Englis h an d America n middle-class mother-daughte r interaction s ma y see m premature . I n addition, th e natur e o f th e Englis h middl e class , which encompasse d a very divers e grou p durin g th e perio d 188 0 t o 1920 , make s th e tas k of comparin g middle-clas s famil y interaction s i n th e tw o culture s even mor e challenging . Membershi p i n thi s varied clas s ranged fro m entrepreneurial businessmen , professionals , an d manager s a t on e end o f th e spectrum , t o clerk s an d smal l shopkeeper s a t th e othe r end. A share d se t of value s shaped b y those a t the uppe r level s of th e class linke d it s members , bu t the y wer e separate d widel y i n term s o f financial statu s and a s a result, also in terms of life-style . Although th e ideal of gentilit y was pervasive, th e majorit y of middle class peopl e lacke d th e resource s t o maintai n th e rigi d socia l stan dards establishe d b y th e smal l proportio n o f affluen t familie s tha t comprised th e uppe r middl e class . Thus , despit e th e tendenc y o f social historian s t o emphasiz e th e centra l rol e o f servant s i n nine teenth-century Englis h middle-clas s homes , th e typica l middle-clas s household employe d onl y on e genera l domesti c servant , an d ver y few familie s enjoye d th e service s o f specialize d domestic s suc h a s cooks, parlo r maids , and nurses. 2 While th e circumstances o f middle class women varie d widely, the same ideolog y an d prescription s wer e meted ou t t o al l o f them . Ye t th e realit y o f thei r experience s wa s determined b y th e famil y budget. 3 I n thi s context , th e tas k o f draw ing generalizations abou t middle-class mother-daughte r relationship s becomes ver y complex . Nevertheless, eve n a n imperfec t compariso n ma y generat e usefu l questions an d ne w hypothese s t o guide furthe r research . Thus , whil e it may b e impossibl e t o claim tha t a single se t o f middle-clas s experi ences resulte d i n a typical Englis h mother-daughte r relationship , i t is not inappropriat e t o sugges t tha t evidenc e abou t mother-daughte r interactions i n al l segment s o f th e Englis h middl e clas s i s potentiall y useful an d relevan t to the present study. Despit e th e intrinsic difficul ties, then , thi s chapte r wil l conside r th e natur e o f relationship s be tween untraditiona l daughter s and thei r mothers across the spectru m

136 "TH

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of Englis h middle-clas s familie s betwee n 188 0 and 1920 , toward th e relatively modes t goa l o f developin g th e preliminar y outline s o f a comparative picture. 4 Throughout th e Victorian era, social observers in England vigorousl y debated th e "Woman Question/ 1 Here , as in America, this discussion encompassed multipl e issue s pertainin g t o women' s physical , politi cal, social , economic , an d educationa l lives . Her e too , b y th e las t decades o f th e nineteent h century , th e debat e centere d increasingl y on th e behavio r an d activitie s o f th e "ne w woman, " whos e Englis h image reflecte d a growin g recognitio n an d acknowledgmen t o f th e changes takin g plac e i n women' s live s on bot h side s of th e Atlantic . Although th e prototypica l "ne w woman " portraye d i n prin t existe d primarily i n fiction, ther e wa s som e basi s fo r th e concep t i n lat e Victorian an d Edwardia n socia l realities. New opportunities attracte d middle-class youn g wome n i n Englan d a s well as their counterpart s across th e ocean . Ne w jobs, ne w fashions , ne w social behaviors, an d particularly ne w educationa l experience s clearl y distinguishe d thei r world fro m tha t of their mothers . By th e 1890s , bot h secondar y an d highe r educatio n fo r wome n were well established i n England, although thi s was a relatively recen t development. Fo r mos t o f th e nineteent h century , women' s educa tion ha d bee n unsystematic , a s Mari a G . Grey , wh o founde d th e National Unio n fo r th e Educatio n o f Wome n o f Al l Classes in 1871 , noted i n 1884 : "Perhap s n o movemen t o f equa l importanc e an d involving suc h far-reachin g result s eve r develope d s o rapidly , o r attained it s object s o completely withi n a fractio n o f th e life-tim e o f one generation . Fort y year s ag o th e questio n o f women' s educatio n did no t exist , an d onl y withi n th e las t twent y year s ha s i t take n it s place among th e publi c and activ e interests of the day." 5 This assessment b y a n activis t dedicate d t o women' s educatio n convey s som e sense o f th e reactio n t o expande d schoolin g fo r women , an d als o underscores th e extent of the change, especially in the area of highe r education. In th e lat e nineteent h century , femal e student s were permitted t o study i n almos t al l of th e universitie s an d universit y colleges , as well as in a number of newly formed women' s colleges, although th e latter institutions wer e viewe d wit h suspicion . Th e Universit y o f Londo n

"THE REVOL T O F TH E DAUGHTERS " 13

7

included thre e women' s colleges: Bedford , Westfield , an d Roya l Hol loway. Fou r women' s college s existe d a t Oxfor d an d tw o a t Cam bridge by 1893 , but these functioned mor e as "unofficial appendages " than a s establishe d colleges , sinc e wome n wer e no t ye t permitte d t o pursue degree s a t thos e augus t institutions. 6 Th e absenc e o f reliabl e university statistic s fo r th e perio d befor e 192 2 make s i t difficul t t o ascertain th e actua l numbe r o f femal e student s enrolle d i n Englis h universities and universit y colleges between 188 0 and 1920 . I n 1922 23, th e firs t yea r fo r whic h suc h informatio n i s available, universitie s in Grea t Britai n enrolle d 42,51 2 me n an d 16,44 0 women ; th e latte r figure represent s les s tha n 1 percent o f th e tota l femal e populatio n of Englan d an d Wale s between th e ages of ninetee n an d twenty-four , as measured b y th e 192 2 census . I n contrast , approximatel y 7. 6 per cent of American wome n aged eighteen t o twenty-one wer e in colleg e in 1920.

7

For Englis h wome n a s fo r thei r America n sisters , th e decisio n t o leave hom e an d atten d colleg e represente d a rea l departur e fro m nineteenth-century domesticit y an d a clear brea k wit h th e traditiona l female role s of thei r mother s an d grandmothers . Th e youn g wome n who too k thi s ste p represente d al l level s o f th e middl e class. 8 Lik e their American counterparts , man y of the m displaye d a proclivity fo r remaining unmarried . Fo r example , onl y 1 6 o f th e first 4 1 student s at Girton , an d a quarte r o f th e first 75 0 a t Lad y Margare t Hall , married. A n articl e publishe d i n th e Nineteenth Century in 189 5 note d that o f 1,48 6 wome n wit h universit y educations , onl y 20 8 ha d mar ried, whil e 68 0 ha d becom e teachers . Th e autho r warne d Englis h mothers tha t suc h figures indicate d tha t highl y educate d wome n could no t be expected eithe r t o choose or to attain marriage. 9 Data o f thi s sor t fanne d th e flame o f th e Woma n Questio n an d further highlighte d th e imag e o f th e "ne w woman. " Despite obviou s sociocultural differences , th e Anglo-America n worl d share d a trans atlantic cultur e an d a system o f value s durin g thi s period . Language , traditions, and literatur e linke d th e two societies. Nineteenth-centur y Americans wer e influence d significantl y b y Englis h ideas , an d th e English, i n turn , wer e intensel y consciou s o f cultura l development s in th e Unite d States. 10 Bot h societie s experience d simila r change s that accelerated durin g th e nineteenth century , amon g the m a majo r transition i n women' s role s withi n th e famil y an d i n th e large r worl d

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as well . Par t o f thi s transitio n involve d th e developmen t o f a n en hanced sens e o f femal e persona l autonomy , whic h wa s generated b y changing gende r relation s an d alteration s i n th e plac e o f wome n i n society. B y th e en d o f th e Victoria n era , literar y and socia l influence s moved regularl y i n both direction s acros s the ocean. Fo r example, G . Stanley Hall' s wor k o n adolescenc e influence d Englis h a s wel l a s American thinkin g abou t youn g people . Th e discussio n o f th e Woma n Question move d bac k an d fort h a s well; socia l critics in England, lik e those i n th e Unite d States , seem t o have bee n obsesse d wit h th e issu e of th e "ne w woman " an d threatene d b y th e perceptio n o f a gende r upheaval o f enormou s magnitude. 11 Some twent y year s befor e th e appearanc e o f th e "ne w woman, " her predecesso r i n England , labele d "Th e Gir l o f th e Period, " ha d also sparke d a tremendou s controversy . I n a widel y rea d essa y firs t published i n 1868 , Mrs. Eliz a Lyn n Linto n castigate d a stereotypica l image, which , sh e maintained , wa s n o longe r th e "fai r young Englis h girl," th e modest , refined , an d generou s daughte r o f th e past , bu t a tasteless imitatio n o f th e vulga r demi-monde. This essa y (whic h wa s later publishe d a s a pamphle t an d als o appeared i n 188 3 in a volum e entitled The Girl of the Period and Other Social Essays), wa s reprinted i n America, an d th e New York Times closel y followe d th e controvers y generated i n England b y Mrs. Linton's message. 12 Thus th e stage was set for th e wave of social furor over the Woma n Question tha t was initiated i n 189 4 b y a series of article s published i n England i n th e Nineteenth Century. Th e firs t article , entitle d "Th e Revolt o f th e Daughters, " suggeste d tha t youn g unmarrie d wome n had th e righ t t o b e considere d individual s a s well a s daughters. Th e author o f thi s revolutionar y ide a wa s hersel f th e wif e o f a barriste r and th e mothe r o f a n aspirin g youn g writer. 13 Othe r writer s quickl y joined th e discussion , whic h soo n move d beyon d th e page s o f th e Nineteenth Century. A n interchang e betwee n tw o prominen t women , published i n the North American Review, a n American journal t o which many Englis h writer s contributed, establishe d th e term "new woman" as a durable phras e an d concept. 14 Much o f th e commentar y portraye d th e "ne w woman " a s a cor rupt, threatenin g figure wh o mad e he r mother's life miserable . Man y of th e critic s wer e women ; Mrs . Linto n hersel f inveighe d agains t "The Wil d Woman " i n a series o f article s tha t appeare d i n th e Nine-

"THE REVOL T O F TH E DAUGHTERS' ' 13

9

teenth Century in 1891-92 . Ye t th e "ne w woman " wa s als o defende d by other observers. 15 Th e intensit y o f th e discussio n surroundin g a n image tha t essentiall y lacke d congruenc e wit h realit y suggest s tha t conventional peopl e o f bot h gender s i n lat e Victoria n middle-clas s society experience d rea l fear s regardin g th e implication s o f th e ne w forms o f independence , includin g th e opportunit y fo r highe r educa tion, whic h wer e claime d b y man y women . Apparentl y th e "ne w woman's" activities—eve n suc h relativel y unthreatenin g activitie s a s smoking an d participatin g i n athletics—wer e perceive d a s seriousl y challenging th e foundation s o f th e established patriarcha l society. 16 This challenge occurre d during a period o f general cultura l uncer tainty i n England . Discor d i n th e area s o f nationa l an d internationa l politics, science , economics , an d th e arts , a s wel l a s tensio n ove r gender issues , characterize d pre-Worl d Wa r I Englis h societ y an d fostered a continuin g conflic t betwee n liberatio n an d control . Th e period tha t ha s bee n describe d b y nostalgi c writer s a s " a golde n afternoon" and " a long garde n party, " during whic h th e middle-clas s ideal o f gentilit y reigne d supreme , actuall y witnesse d clas s antago nism, unio n issues , a n armamen t race , seriou s concern s ove r th e future o f th e Empire, and efforts t o censor literatur e and th e theater . As i n America , conflic t betwee n ol d an d ne w ideas , includin g thos e pertaining t o th e Woma n Question , define d th e cultural ambienc e o f late Victorian an d Edwardia n England . In thi s context , women' s ne w aspiration s coul d b e welcome d a s part o f a mor e genera l liberatio n fro m th e restriction s o f Victoria n ideas. However , the y could also be perceived a s evidence of a broader threat t o the social order posed b y the claims and demands of variou s groups—women, th e Irish, the working class, and s o on. Thus, whil e the perceptio n o f a n incipien t gende r upheava l t o som e exten t re flects th e realitie s o f femal e behavio r durin g thi s period , i t als o mir rors the more genera l turmoi l an d anxiety o f th e era. 17 Female aspiration s fo r independenc e threatene d mal e preroga tives bot h withi n th e famil y an d beyon d it s parameters . Fears o f national deterioratio n sparke d b y the Boer War promoted a n empha sis on th e importanc e o f women' s materna l rol e fo r th e preservatio n of th e Empire ; i t wa s onl y throug h mother s tha t th e surviva l o f English value s an d ideal s coul d b e assured . Nationa l defens e an d security demande d tha t bot h middle-clas s an d working-clas s wome n

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marry an d produc e childre n s o tha t th e countr y coul d maintai n it s international positio n an d compet e effectivel y wit h Germany. 18 Th e "new woman " who migh t choos e colleg e rathe r tha n marriag e coul d hardly hav e bee n a comforting imag e agains t thi s background . If th e "ne w woman's " activities presente d a threat t o conventional , male-dominated society , an d eve n t o imperia l hegemony , ho w di d her pursui t o f persona l freedo m affec t he r relationship with her ow n mother? Di d publi c discussion o f he r habit s and behavior s reproduc e the anxietie s o f middle-clas s mother s durin g th e lat e Victoria n an d Edwardian periods ? O r di d Englis h mothers , lik e thei r America n counterparts, functio n mor e a s mentor s tha n a s critic s fo r thei r daughters? The contemporar y Englis h periodica l an d advic e literature , lik e tha t in America, portraye d middle-clas s mother-daughte r relationship s a s tense an d troubled. 19 However , althoug h a pronounced discrepanc y between th e natur e o f actua l mother-daughte r interaction s durin g the perio d 1880-192 0 an d th e image s conveye d i n th e prescriptiv e literature characterize s th e America n evidence , th e pictur e i s les s distinct wit h regar d t o Englis h mother s an d daughter s durin g thi s period. Dat a regarding mother-daughte r interaction s i n families rep resenting al l segment s o f th e middl e clas s sugges t tha t whil e Ameri can mother s clearl y functione d a s advocates an d mentor s fo r daugh ters' untraditiona l choice s durin g thi s er a o f transitio n i n women' s lives, their English counterparts experience d mor e difficulty support ing the efforts o f ambitious offspring. N o doubt the difficult situatio n of th e middle-clas s "daughter-at-home, " wh o wa s expected t o devot e her lif e onl y t o waitin g fo r marriage , frustrate d mor e tha n a fe w young wome n an d provoke d conflic t eve n wher e daughter s wer e no t prototypical "ne w women." 20 An d wher e youn g wome n harbore d distinctly untraditiona l desires , dissensio n an d hostilit y appea r t o have been quit e common . The experience s o f Constanc e Maynard , on e o f th e first student s at Girton College , offe r a n interestin g earl y example o f such conflict . Although sh e wa s bor n i n 184 9 anc ^ g r e w U P durin g th e mid-Victo rian period , Constance' s desire s fo r independenc e an d educatio n anticipated thos e o f th e "ne w woman. " He r asceti c an d domineerin g mother scorne d worldl y pursuit s an d severel y restricte d th e activitie s

"THE REVOL T O F TH E DAUGHTERS " 14

1

of he r fou r daughters , wh o wer e no t permitte d t o hav e a norma l social lif e wit h othe r children . Sh e objected t o Constance's emotiona l response t o religio n an d stoppe d he r correspondence wit h a favorit e school friend . Constanc e wa s compelled t o leav e schoo l a t the ag e o f sixteen, an d sh e spen t th e nex t seve n year s a t home , wher e sh e an d her sisters shared th e househol d dutie s an d th e care of thei r mother , who was often ill . Although physica l problem s remove d he r somewhat fro m it s daily activities, Mrs . Maynar d continue d t o dominat e th e family . He r dis approval o f Constance' s desir e fo r furthe r educatio n an d persona l development manifeste d itsel f throug h a constan t "pa t pa t pattin g down o f al l ambition, " despit e th e fac t tha t sh e hersel f highl y re spected classica l learning . I t i s no t surprising , then , tha t thi s youn g woman first sough t he r father' s permissio n t o pursu e a college edu cation.21 Whe n sh e finally secure d th e reluctan t approva l o f bot h parents fo r he r pla n t o enroll at Girton, in 1872 , she fel t tha t she an d her fello w student s wer e a t las t e n rout e t o a "rea l destination , eve n though w e hardl y kne w what that destination was." 22 Constance's escap e t o Girto n wa s conditional; sh e wa s require d t o promise tha t she woul d retur n hom e an d resum e a more suitabl e lif e after college . Sh e kep t thi s promise , livin g th e lif e o f a daughter-at home unti l 1876 , whe n sh e finally accepte d he r first teachin g posi tion. While sh e live d a t home, sh e spent a good dea l o f tim e with he r mother. Their relationshi p was intense, and despite thei r differences , Mrs. Maynar d confide d som e o f th e difficulties o f he r marrie d lif e t o her daughter . Althoug h sh e eventuall y free d hersel f fro m th e physi cal confine s o f he r hom e an d live d a n independen t life , Constanc e never repudiate d he r mothe r o r he r mother' s beliefs , whic h shape d much of he r own life. 23 Another earl y Girto n student , Constanc e Jones, als o experience d the restrictio n o f he r intellectua l interests . A s a child , sh e wa s no t permitted t o rea d novel s o r Longfellow' s poetry ; he r mothe r partic ularly objecte d t o he r readin g Ivanhoe. Her father' s sister , wh o sym pathized full y wit h th e desir e t o g o t o college , financed Constance' s education a t Girton. Sh e graduate d i n 188 0 an d enjoye d a successfu l career a s a logician , returnin g t o th e colleg e t o teac h an d eventuall y to serve as mistress from 190 3 to 1916. 24 Her autobiography contain s no hin t o f resentmen t o r ange r abou t he r mother' s lac k o f suppor t

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for he r aspirations ; indeed , he r recollection s portra y a sympathetic , patient, an d kin d parent : "I t stick s i n m y memor y tha t th e girl s [i n school] sometime s talke d abou t thei r mothers , an d tha t ever y gir l (including m y sister s and I ) thought he r own mothe r mor e delightfu l than anyon e else's." 25 A s wit h an y autobiographica l source , i t i s im possible t o determin e Constance' s rea l feeling s abou t he r mother' s negative respons e t o he r intellectua l orientation . Th e eldes t o f te n children, sh e remembere d tha t she wa s the only one who "started lif e with a n inexplicabl e lov e o f book s an d hunge r fo r knowledge." 26 Whether sh e deliberatel y omitte d an y mentio n o f conflic t ove r thi s issue, or unconsciousl y refuse d t o acknowledge i t even t o herself, i t is difficult t o imagin e tha t n o tensio n wa s presen t i n he r relationshi p with he r mother . A generatio n afte r Constanc e Maynar d an d Constanc e Jones, Lynd a Grier als o cope d wit h a n unsupportiv e mother . A partiall y deaf , awkward youn g woman , sh e ha d n o forma l schoolin g befor e sh e enrolled a s a n externa l studen t a t Newnha m Colleg e i n 1904 . Al though sh e receive d a scholarship t o continue he r education th e nex t year, he r mothe r neve r too k he r daughter' s wor k seriously . Indeed , Mrs. Grie r insiste d o n sharin g Lynda' s bedroo m an d stud y unti l sh e died whe n he r daughte r wa s fort y an d a highl y respecte d professo r of economic s a t Leeds University. 27 Unlike Lynd a Grier , whos e forma l educatio n starte d at Newnham , Helena Sicker t Swanwic k ha d attende d secondar y schoo l befor e sh e enrolled a t Girton i n 1882 . He r mother' s view s on th e Woma n Ques tion wer e inconsistent : "She believe d i n highe r education—bu t no t for he r ow n daughter—an d i f I ha d t o struggl e t o g o t o th e Hig h School, I wa s t o hav e a muc h harde r struggl e t o g o t o college. " Because Mrs. Sickert still believed i n th e ideals of the good housewif e and th e dutifu l "daughte r a t home, " althoug h sh e di d tak e som e pride i n Helena' s academi c success , sh e sa w n o nee d fo r a colleg e education, no r di d he r husband . Thu s i t wa s onl y throug h th e gen erosity o f a relativ e wh o offere d t o supplemen t th e scholarshi p Hel ena ha d bee n offere d tha t she wa s able to pursue highe r education. 28 When sh e arrive d a t Girton , Helen a wa s thrille d wit h he r colleg e accommodations: To begi n with, I now had a study as well as a bedroom to myself. . . . When the door of m y study was opened an d I saw my own fire, my own desk, my

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own easy chair and reading-lamp—na y eve n m y own kettle— I wa s speechless with delight.... I did not know till then how much I had suffered fro m incessant interruption s o f m y home life. . . . What disturbed m y mind were the claim s m y mothe r mad e o n m y attention, he r appeal s t o m y emotion s and her resentment at my interest in matters outside the family circle. Her mother, wh o had accompanie d he r to help he r get settled , ha d a very differen t reaction . Turnin g t o he r daughte r "wit h ope n arm s and tear s i n he r eyes, " sh e declared , " 'You ca n com e hom e agai n with me , Nell , i f yo u like! ' " As Helen a remembere d i n he r autobiog raphy, "That which ha, d enraptured m e had struc k he r as so unutter ably dismal tha t she was prepared t o rescue m e a t all costs." 29 This observatio n highlight s a graphic example o f a mother-daugh ter generatio n ga p i n perception s an d values . Helen a als o remem bered tha t sh e an d he r mothe r wer e incompatibl e i n othe r ways : "I was no t a t all th e sor t o f gir l m y poo r mothe r woul d hav e liked , an d it wa s har d o n he r tha t he r onl y daughte r shoul d be , a s sh e pu t it , 'the wors t bo y o f th e lot / . . . My mothe r hate d re d hai r an d onl y b y degrees learn t t o tolerat e min e becaus e painter s mad e a fuss o f it." 30 The combinatio n o f Mrs . Sickert's own persona l history—sh e wa s th e illegitimate daughte r o f a dancer an d a n astronomer—an d th e gen eral discontinuit y betwee n Victoria n expectation s o f conventionalit y and th e ne w idea s abou t women' s role s probabl y mad e conflic t inevi table fo r thi s mothe r an d daughter . Bu t thei r relationshi p di d im prove eventually: "Onc e I had a husband, he r whole attitud e toward s me change d an d jus t as , formerly , I coul d d o nothin g right , so , latterly, I could d o nothin g wrong in her eyes," Helena noted. 31 For mos t middle-clas s youn g wome n i n lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-century England , an d fo r thei r mothers , a s Helen a Swan wick's experienc e indicates , marriag e remaine d th e majo r focu s o f the future . Margare t Nevinson' s mothe r firml y maintaine d tha t " a bad husban d wa s better tha n none, " and thi s sentiment , describe d b y her daughte r a s "th e strang e cree d o f m y time, " articulate d a com mon poin t o f view. 32 Margaret , wh o wa s a n onl y daughte r wit h five brothers, "hate d bein g a girl. " Her sympatheti c fathe r provide d he r with an earl y introduction t o classical learning , bu t becaus e he r mothe r was afraid tha t n o on e woul d marr y a girl wh o rea d Greek , a curriculum of Frenc h an d drawin g lessons replaced thi s instruction. 33 Mar garet wa s appalle d whe n a wealth y olde r bachelo r propose d t o he r

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after he r father' s unexpecte d death , bu t he r mothe r reacte d differ ently: "Later , whe n I told m y Mothe r a s a private and excellen t joke, I wa s amaze d t o find sh e too k i t mos t seriously . M y Mothe r believe d greatly i n marriage . . . . Sh e coul d no t bea r t o se e m e sufferin g th e poverty w e wer e enduring , Mr . wa s ver y rich , i t wa s a n excellent offer , an d w e coul d wai t unti l I was a little older , girl s use d to marry quite youn g i n her day, an d I might never have such a good chance again. " N o doub t th e shoc k o f earl y widowhoo d an d th e ensuing financial problem s partiall y influence d thi s materna l re sponse. Nevertheless , mothe r an d daughte r clearl y disagree d o n th e matter. Th e deat h o f th e suito r ende d th e conflict , bu t th e episod e troubled bot h women . Margare t turne d agains t me n fo r severa l years , and he r mothe r continue d t o remin d he r abou t th e "grea t caree r I had misse d a s a young an d wealth y widow." 34 While sh e neve r regrette d thi s lost opportunity fo r marriage , Mar garet Nevinso n di d regre t he r inabilit y t o acquire th e kin d o f educa tion sh e desperatel y wanted . Becaus e he r mothe r could no t afford t o send he r t o Girton , sh e wa s force d t o accep t a teachin g positio n a t South Hampstea d Hig h School , wher e sh e remaine d fo r fou r year s until sh e marrie d a man sh e ha d know n sinc e childhood. 35 Althoug h she taugh t part-time , worked i n girls' clubs, and even serve d as a rent collector i n Whitechape l afte r he r marriage , sh e neve r fulfille d th e early intellectua l aspiration s tha t he r mothe r ha d foun d s o threaten ing. A s a n adult , sh e maintaine d tha t he r fathe r ha d influence d he r life significantly : " A close affinit y an d resemblance , physical , mental , and spiritual , dre w u s together , an d th e memor y o f hi s lov e an d sympathy ha s alway s remaine d wit h me , a cu p o f strengt h i n th e disillusions an d disappointment s o f life. " Her summar y o f he r moth er's influence expresse d quit e differen t sentiments : "The on e maxi m of lif e m y Mothe r ha d taugh t m e was : 'Never take back a maid, if sh e has give n notice, ' an d I learn t b y experienc e th e wisdo m o f he r words." 36 Vera Brittain' s mother , raisin g he r daughte r a generatio n later , would probabl y hav e agree d wit h Margare t Nevinson' s mothe r re garding th e relativ e importanc e o f Gree k an d marriag e i n a woman's life. Bu t Ver a wante d t o g o t o colleg e a s soo n a s sh e learne d tha t women's college s existed . Whil e he r mothe r would hav e preferre d t o have "a n ordinar y daughter, " sh e eventuall y bega n t o "secretl y sym -

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pathise" with an d suppor t he r daughte r despit e he r husband' s skep ticism, an d th e disapprova l o f friend s an d neighbor s wh o conclude d that Mrs. Brittain ha d abandoned an y hope o f findin g a husband fo r her eccentri c offspring . Ver a remembere d tha t on e particularl y "lu gubrious" lad y ha d inquired : "Ho w can you sen d you r daughte r t o college, Mrs . Brittain ! . . . Don't you want her ever to get married?" 37 Feminism define d th e centra l focu s o f Ver a Brittain' s life. 38 A s a young woman , sh e resente d th e contras t betwee n he r parents ' reluc tance to support he r aspirations and thei r expectations regardin g he r brother's education . Sh e recalle d tha t i t was only whe n a male famil y friend seeme d t o accep t a s norma l he r desir e t o g o t o Oxfor d tha t her fathe r change d hi s view s o n women' s educatio n an d agree d t o her pla n t o enrol l a t Somerville . I n he r diar y sh e observe d tha t "probably n o ambitiou s gir l wh o ha s live d i n a famil y whic h regard s the subservienc e o f wome n a s par t o f th e natura l orde r o f creatio n ever completel y recover s fro m th e bitternes s o f he r earl y emo tions." 39 Fo r her parents , as for societ y mor e generally , Worl d Wa r I resulted i n th e abandonmen t o f man y Victoria n attitude s an d th e acceptance o f newe r value s concernin g marriag e an d women' s roles . Her mother' s "unobtrusiv e co-operation " when Ver a decide d t o tak e a leav e o f absenc e fro m he r studie s t o becom e a nurse , an d he r acceptance o f he r daughter' s engagemen t t o a "suito r whos e brain s were hi s [only ] capital, " suggest s tha t thi s i s so . Interestingly , Ver a herself attribute d thes e manifestation s o f materna l suppor t t o th e fact tha t he r mothe r coul d understan d lov e mor e easil y tha n sh e could understan d ambition. 40 This mother-daughte r relationshi p seem s t o hav e bee n particu larly complicated , undoubtedl y i n par t becaus e Ver a wa s s o full y committed t o he r feminis t ideal s whil e he r mothe r remaine d en trenched i n middle-clas s conventionality . Eve n a s a young girl , Ver a perceived a fundamental lac k o f understandin g betwee n he r mothe r and hersel f which sh e attributed t o her own resemblanc e t o member s of th e Brittai n sid e o f th e family . Severa l diar y reference s t o thi s incompatibility sugges t tha t sh e foun d i t a troublin g problem . "I t i s characteristic o f Mothe r tha t though I always want her to come hom e she alway s upset s m e whe n sh e doe s come ; on e reall y feel s i t i s no t worth botherin g t o tr y & kee p thing s straigh t i n he r absence, " sh e observed o n on e occasio n whe n he r mothe r returne d fro m a visi t t o

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her grandmother. 41 Ver a als o deplore d he r mother' s genera l lac k o f assertiveness, he r deferenc e t o an impatien t husband , an d he r acceptance o f a "dull leve l o f mediocrity " as her lo t in life. 42 Althoug h he r parents becam e reconcile d t o he r desir e t o g o t o Oxfor d an d eve n expressed pleasur e i n he r educationa l achievements , sh e believe d that the y neithe r understoo d no r care d t o understan d "th e spiri t o f the place " where sh e wa s so happy. A s a result, she felt that she coul d not b e hersel f whe n sh e wen t hom e fo r vacations . Perhap s th e mos t poignant expressio n o f Vera' s feeling s o f alienatio n appear s whe n she describe s he r reactio n t o her mother' s efforts t o offer condolenc e after he r fiance's death : "Mothe r wa s ver y nice—bu t I almost fel t a s if sh e wer e a stranger. On e canno t preten d t o liv e i n an y othe r tha n one's own atmospher e whe n on e ha s reache d th e bed-rock o f life." 43 While th e persistenc e o f Victoria n idea s an d value s concernin g female role s an d dutie s coul d mak e th e "ne w woman's " aspiration s completely incompatibl e wit h he r mother' s fram e o f reference , i n Vera Brittain' s cas e th e concep t o f ambivalenc e rathe r tha n hostilit y best characterizes th e intricacies of th e mother-daughter relationship . Although Mrs . Brittain di d no t share he r daughter's views and woul d have preferre d t o hav e a mor e traditiona l daughte r (b y he r ow n admission), sh e apparentl y provide d a certain amoun t o f suppor t fo r Vera's endeavors . Sh e definitel y recognize d tha t he r daughte r wa s talented an d able , a s Ver a recorde d i n he r diary o n Novembe r 15 , 1913: "Whe n we wer e talkin g abou t exams . & fame etc . this evening , Mother tol d m e sh e ha s alway s fel t tha t I shall succee d i n everythin g I undertak e & Edwar d [Vera' s brother ] wil l alway s just miss." 44 I n turn, Ver a understoo d tha t he r mother' s ow n "humdru m earl y life " and th e circumstance s o f he r marriag e mad e i t difficul t fo r he r t o comprehend untraditiona l educationa l goal s and feminist idea s abou t marriage. O n on e occasion , whe n Vera' s anxiet y ove r thei r lac k o f communication resulte d i n th e discussio n o f " a variet y o f rathe r heart-rending explanation s concernin g differenc e o f temperament, " she foun d i t comforting t o realize tha t her mother did "seem to want" her an d t o wan t t o mak e he r fee l les s lonely . Despit e thei r differ ences, sh e wa s relieve d tha t the y ha d talke d openl y t o one another : "A fe w hour s ag o I couldn' t hav e imagine d mysel f eithe r confessin g my lonelines s t o Mothe r o r lettin g he r se e m y distress, but I am gla d of i t instea d o f sorr y i f onl y t o prov e ho w grea t a darlin g I alway s

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knew sh e coul d be." 45 Obviously , despit e Vera' s independen t ideas , it wa s importan t t o he r t o b e abl e t o fee l positiv e abou t he r mothe r and about their relationship . While Ver a Brittai n consciousl y resente d th e negativ e impac t o f her mother' s conventionalit y o n thei r relationship, other youn g wome n worried abou t th e impac t o f wha t the y perceive d a s their ow n inade quacies. Conflic t betwee n th e desir e t o b e a goo d daughte r an d th e desire fo r self-development , whic h sh e regarde d a s selfishness, wa s a source o f grea t anxiet y fo r Grac e Hado w whe n sh e wa s offere d a scholarship fo r teache r trainin g i n 1893 . Althoug h sh e fel t guilt y about doin g so , sh e allowe d he r headmistres s t o plea d he r cas e wit h her mother: " I know it was frightfully selfis h o f m e t o let Mis s Arnold write, I a m ver y sorr y now . I t ough t no t t o b e s o har d t o giv e u p anything fo r Mother. . . . Impres s upo n Mothe r tha t I a m glad t o come hom e a t Christmas . . . . I thin k i t mus t b e best . I t i s n o rea l sacrifice, i t coul d no t b e t o d o anythin g fo r her . I shoul d neve r forgive mysel f i f I neglecte d an y chanc e o f makin g he r lif e easier . I must leave . I want it." 46 Clearly her e wa s a conflict betwee n growin g personal autonom y an d Victoria n ideal s o f selflessness . Si x month s later, the dilemma was resolved when Grace's brother convinced thei r mother tha t hi s siste r shoul d continu e he r education . Sh e eventuall y enjoyed a successful caree r as a college teache r and administrator . While Octavi a Wilberforc e neve r considere d abandonin g he r am bitions t o pleas e he r mother , he r unpublishe d autobiograph y docu ments he r sympath y with th e latter' s struggl e t o understan d thos e ambitions. " I thought abou t m y mothe r an d realize d ho w fon d I wa s of her, " sh e recalled . "Sh e wa s a highl y gifted , uniqu e woma n wh o treated m e with sympathy and understanding except for her fanatica l obsession abou t m y future." 47 Thi s youn g woman , wh o playe d gol f competitively an d associate d wit h "golfin g women " o f who m he r mother disapproved , refuse d a proposal o f marriag e fro m a relativ e of on e o f he r friends , apparentl y a t leas t i n par t becaus e sh e hope d to becom e a doctor . Sh e clearl y recognized , wit h som e apparen t empathy, th e degre e t o which thi s unconventional pla n trouble d he r mother, but she did no t allow herself to be deflected fro m th e pursui t of he r goal. 48 It wa s no t unti l th e deat h o f th e youn g ma n whos e proposa l sh e had refuse d tha t Octavi a wa s brav e enoug h t o as k he r mother' s

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permission t o tak e th e appropriat e matriculatio n examination s fo r medical school . Eve n the n sh e wa s afrai d t o revea l he r rea l goal . When he r mothe r finally learne d th e truth , she vehementl y oppose d her daughter' s pla n o n th e ground s tha t medica l schoo l woul d b e "unsexing"; nursin g school , sh e argued , woul d b e a mor e appro priate choice . Sh e maintaine d tha t Octavi a ha d n o nee d t o ear n a living; tha t sh e woul d los e al l he r friends ; tha t she was too old (a t th e age o f twenty-four ) t o begi n t o study ; tha t th e cours e woul d b e to o difficult; tha t sh e woul d hav e t o associat e wit h lower-clas s girls ; an d that she would rui n he r chance eve r t o be a mother. 49 Octavia wa s not deterred , an d wit h financial support fro m a friend' s family, entere d medica l schoo l eve n befor e sh e ha d passe d al l th e required examinations . Sh e recorde d tha t he r mothe r remaine d un reconciled, a s "once agai n [whe n sh e wen t hom e fo r Christma s vaca tion i n 1915 ] I wa s submitte d t o ever y kin d o f abus e abou t m y behaviour i n no t stayin g a t hom e t o loo k afte r m y mothe r [wh o wa s by then a widow]."50 Molly Hughes' s recollection s sugges t tha t lik e th e mothe r o f Octa via Wilberforce , he r mothe r als o espouse d a n essentiall y traditiona l view o f women' s roles . Unlik e Octavia , however , Moll y apparentl y internalized thi s fram e o f referenc e unconsciously . A s th e younges t of five childre n an d th e onl y daughter , sh e wa s expected t o defe r t o her brother s whil e sh e wa s growin g up . He r autobiograph y implie s that sh e live d vicariousl y throug h thei r activities , bu t i t portray s a happy rathe r tha n a frustrate d childhood , an d i t describe s a close , affectionate mother-daughte r relationship . Moll y was taught at hom e by he r mothe r unti l th e ag e o f twelve , whe n sh e was sent t o a nearb y girls' school . Althoug h sh e wa s anxiou s t o g o t o schoo l an d sh e adjusted readil y t o forma l education , sh e recalle d he r earl y learnin g fondly a s th e tim e whe n he r mother' s "outloo k o n life , he r opinion s on people , an d he r mature d wisdo m becam e a part of me." 51 After he r fathe r wa s kille d i n a n accident , Moll y chos e t o prepar e to suppor t hersel f rathe r tha n t o liv e wit h he r mothe r an d remai n financially dependen t o n he r brothers . Wit h he r mother' s approva l and he r aunt' s economi c support , sh e entere d th e Nort h Londo n Collegiate Schoo l a t th e ag e o f sixteen , continue d he r educatio n a t the Teacher Trainin g Colleg e i n Cambridge, an d eventually receive d a degre e fro m th e Universit y o f London . Whe n sh e secure d he r first

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teaching job, a residen t post , i n 1886 , he r mothe r accompanie d he r and rente d a roo m nea r th e school . Thi s arrangemen t continue d when Moll y move d o n t o a second job. Sh e share d bot h he r profes sional experience s an d he r persona l life—an d eve n he r lov e letter s —with he r mother. 52 When he r mothe r die d i n 189 0 afte r a brie f illness , sh e wa s onl y twenty-three, an d sh e recalle d th e los s poignantly : " I was desolate. A mother's deat h mus t alway s make one fee l cu t awa y a t the roots , an d in m y cas e i t wa s worse , becaus e sh e ha d alway s bee n lik e a siste r a s well a s a mothe r i n he r complet e comradeshi p an d youthfu l out look." 53 Whil e Moll y regarde d he r mother' s outloo k a s "youthful," it was actuall y ver y conventional . Sh e viewe d me n a s "th e importan t people," an d sh e advise d he r daughter , "Yo u mus t b e read y t o g o anywhere i n th e worl d wit h you r husband , fro m th e Arcti c t o th e Tropics." 54 Th e strengt h o f he r influenc e i s manifestl y clea r i n Mol ly's decisio n t o giv e u p he r professiona l lif e a s wel l a s he r indepen dence whe n sh e marrie d i n 189 7 (afte r a ten-yea r engagement) . Although sh e wa s awar e tha t som e o f he r contemporarie s chos e t o omit the promise of obedienc e fro m thei r wedding vows, she pledge d to obey her husband "firmly , feelin g th e pleasure of havin g no longe r to order other people' s lives, but to be ordered myself." 55 Thus, afte r assuming th e rol e o f a "ne w woman, " wit h he r mother' s ostensibl e blessing, Moll y Hughe s reverte d t o th e traditiona l femal e rol e tha t her mothe r ha d both modele d an d advocated . It i s difficult t o ascertai n precisel y th e effec t o f particula r circum stances an d individua l personalit y characteristic s o n th e mother daughter relationshi p i n an y family . Ther e i s n o wa y t o determin e whether o r no t Moll y Hughes' s mothe r woul d hav e encourage d he r daughter t o pursu e a n independen t caree r befor e marriag e i f sh e had no t experienced th e sudden los s of he r husband an d th e ensuin g insecurity o f a wido w wh o wa s force d t o depen d o n he r son s an d other relative s fo r financia l support . Molly' s childhoo d memorie s o f her subordination t o her brothers, and her recollection s o f her moth er's ideas abou t me n an d marriage , indicat e tha t he r mother' s behav ior wa s dictate d b y pragmati c economi c considerations . Ther e i s n o evidence o f persona l commitmen t t o th e aspiration s o f th e "ne w woman," o r o f an y particula r visio n o f a mor e fulfillin g futur e fo r her daughter. Molly' s adult decisions suggest tha t she recognize d thi s

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and, consciousl y o r unconsciously , sh e behave d i n accordanc e wit h her mother' s rea l beliefs . He r attachmen t t o he r mothe r an d th e internalization o f th e latter' s intrinsicall y traditiona l poin t o f vie w proved t o be stronger influences tha n her own successful professiona l experiences, an d thes e factor s eventuall y produce d a "new woman " manque rather tha n a feminist . The combinatio n o f a traditiona l poin t o f vie w an d a precariou s family financial situation yielded different result s for th e relationship of Hele n Cork e an d he r mother . Th e wif e o f a grocer, Mrs . Cork e had n o intellectua l interests , an d sh e neve r understoo d he r daugh ter's literary propensities. 56 Like many of her mor e affluent counter parts, sh e adhere d rigidl y t o conventiona l middle-clas s belief s an d values that conflicted wit h he r daughter' s untraditiona l interests : "Girls expect t o be married , say s m y mother . D o they? Who would choos e conditions o f marrie d lif e suc h a s hers! " Hele n asked . "Wha t do I want? Freedom, opportunity, education, varied experience." 57 A serie s o f busines s reverse s exacerbate d th e incompatibilit y be tween Helen' s desires, which effectively define d th e creed of the "new woman," an d he r mother' s visio n o f middle-clas s gentility . A s th e family wa s forced t o live more and mor e frugally, Mrs . Corke "hugged her middle-clas s tradition s an d sens e o f superiority , avoide d he r neighbours (excep t whe n sh e migh t ste p down fro m he r pedesta l t o help them), an d cherishe d th e pos e o f a n exile." 58 No t surprisingly , this situatio n di d no t improv e he r relationshi p wit h he r daughter . Helen remembere d tha t whe n he r mothe r tol d he r the y coul d no t afford t o fee d a stra y cat , th e anima l die d an d sh e blame d he r mother. " I g o col d wit h hat e agains t m y mother , a s i f she wer e th e visible symbol o f ou r poverty, " she wrote. And sh e experienced tha t poverty an d he r mother' s middle-clas s life-styl e a s obstacle s t o he r aspirations fo r a career a s a writer: "Povert y is a prison, but its doors can open unles s marriage locks them." 59 While Hele n neve r identifie d wit h he r mother—" I neve r wishe d to be like Mamma, or t o live her kin d of life"—she remembere d tha t her father , wh o liked poetry , provide d " a sense of security, of Tightness an d justice , conveye d merel y b y hi s presence." 60 Bot h o f he r parents encourage d he r t o b e a teache r s o tha t sh e coul d ear n he r living, an d a s sh e prepare d fo r he r certificatio n examinations , sh e found he r mothe r somewha t mor e sympatheti c tha n sh e ha d bee n

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earlier. "M y mother's qualities were not so evident t o me i n childhoo d as i n late r years, " she recalled. 61 Despit e Helen' s eventua l acknowl edgment o f he r mother' s positiv e characteristics , thei r relationshi p remained basicall y incompatible . Mrs . Corke' s stric t middle-clas s fram e of referenc e wa s to o narro w t o allo w he r t o accep t he r daughter' s unconventional relationshi p wit h a marrie d ma n o r t o understan d Helen's feeling s o f ange r towar d th e husban d o f a cousi n wh o ha d died i n childbirth. 62 Here , a s i n th e cas e o f Moll y Hughe s an d he r mother, th e family' s economi c struggl e playe d a majo r rol e i n th e mother-daughter relationship , but the consequences wer e different . The precedin g example s certainl y sugges t tha t a youn g woman' s untraditional aspiration s coul d creat e serious obstacle s fo r th e mother daughter relationship . Eve n wher e financia l constraint s wer e no t a factor, fo r example , i n th e case s o f Constanc e Maynard , Constanc e Jones, and Vera Brittain, "new women" in England could no t depen d on th e sor t of unconditiona l materna l suppor t enjoye d b y so many o f their American counterparts. Indeed , mother s appear to have playe d the opposit e role , ofte n discouragin g an d inhibitin g thei r daughter s rather tha n enablin g the m t o fulfil l intellectua l an d professiona l am bitions. Bu t this conclusion doe s no t reflect th e entire picture . Although man y Englis h mother s neithe r understoo d no r sympa thized with young women' s desire s fo r persona l development , other s served a s important mentor s fo r daughters . Thre e example s sugges t that th e performanc e o f thi s functio n wa s not limite d t o an y particu lar segment o f th e middl e class . Lilian Faithfull , th e secon d younges t in a large , affluent , upper-middle-clas s family , Sar a Burstall , th e eldest o f thre e an d th e only daughter of a financially insecur e family , and Sara h Marks , on e o f eigh t childre n i n a lower-middle-class fam ily, al l attribute d thei r successfu l academi c an d professiona l career s to unflagging materna l support . Lilian Faithfull wa s educate d a t hom e b y governesse s an d he r mother unti l he r intellectua l abilit y wa s recognized . Mrs . Faithful l read widely , wrot e magazin e article s o n th e ethic s o f dail y life , an d attempted t o writ e a histor y o f England , i n additio n t o managin g a large country hous e an d an active family. I t was she who decided tha t Lilian shoul d g o t o college , an d althoug h he r husban d "ha d n o fait h in highe r education, " he accede d t o hi s wife's wishes . Afte r prepara -

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tory studies a t an all-mal e schoo l o f whic h he r uncl e wa s headmaster , Lilian entere d Somervill e i n 1883 . Subsequently , sh e ha d a distin guished caree r a s a n educator , servin g fo r man y year s a s headmis tress of Cheltenha m Ladie s College. 63 Lilian recognize d an d acknowledge d he r mother' s suppor t an d direction i n a n autobiographi c volume , In the House of My Pilgrimage, which sh e dedicate d "T o M y Mother , Whos e Foresigh t Mad e M y Professional Lif e Possible , And T o M y Friends, Young and Old , Wh o Have Mad e I t Happy." He r comment s o n th e importance o f mother daughter communicatio n migh t hav e com e directl y fro m th e page s of th e Ladies Home Journal: As we grew older, th e teacher and disciplinarian [he r mother] turned naturally and easily into th e comrade, discussing plans and politics, conduct and character wit h u s all . I n late r lif e I hav e ofte n notice d tha t th e difficultie s which arise between mothe r and daughter, s o disastrous to home lif e whe n school is over, are due to the fact that this necessary readjustment of relationship ha s no t take n place . Th e mothe r forget s tha t i f sh e doe s no t mak e a friend o f her daughter some one else will do so, and become the confidant e and counsellor at the most crucial point of her girl's development.64 The supportive , communicativ e relationshi p Lilia n Faithful l de scribed flourished i n a context tha t wa s no t particularl y conduciv e t o intimacy—an affluen t an d relativel y forma l househol d wher e th e children spen t mor e tim e i n th e compan y o f servant s tha n the y di d with thei r parents , whos e room s "the y woul d no t hav e dreame d o f invading . . . a t other tha n appointe d times." 65 In contrast , Sar a Burstal l spen t mor e tim e with bot h o f he r par ents. He r mothe r wa s a n independent , unconventiona l woma n wh o "had never followe d fashio n o r even wor n a crinoline." Although sh e had rendered importan t career assistance t o each of her children, sh e believed tha t he r ow n lif e ha d bee n a failure. 66 Sh e regrette d he r own lac k o f educatio n an d regularl y attende d lecture s a t th e institu tion tha t late r becam e Birkbec k College . N o doub t he r example , i n conjunction wit h he r husband' s progressiv e views , provide d th e im petus fo r Sara' s interes t i n enterin g th e Camde n Schoo l fo r Girl s i n 1871 whe n sh e was twelve year s old . Sar a continued he r education a t the Nort h Londo n Collegiat e Schoo l wit h a scholarshi p fro m th e Camden School , an d a secon d scholarshi p fro m tha t institutio n en -

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abled he r t o enrol l a t Girto n a t th e ag e o f nineteen . Lik e Lilia n Faithfull, Sar a Burstal l remaine d committe d t o women' s education , serving fo r man y year s a s headmistres s o f Mancheste r Hig h Schoo l for Girls. 67 Sarah Mark s (wh o late r adopte d th e first nam e Herth a an d th e married nam e Ayrton ) wa s also influenced strongl y b y a broad-minde d mother wh o encourage d he r t o question authorit y an d launche d he r on a n educationa l pat h tha t le d t o a Girto n degre e an d a successfu l career a s a physicist , wife , an d mother . Mrs. Mark s wa s widowe d when Sara h wa s five year s old . Sh e manage d t o suppor t he r eigh t children wit h th e hel p o f relative s an d he r ow n skil l a s a seamstress . Raised i n a Jewis h famil y unde r difficul t economi c circumstances , Sarah's experience s differe d substantiall y fro m thos e o f youn g wome n like Constanc e Maynard , Octavi a Wilberforce , an d Lilia n Faithful l who gre w u p i n comfortable , secur e families . He r mother' s stron g belief i n th e importanc e o f a goo d educatio n fo r wome n ma y hav e reflected he r own financial struggles , as well as the recognitio n o f he r daughter's abilities . Nevertheless , sh e wa s committed t o securin g th e best possibl e educatio n fo r Sarah , althoug h i t mean t sendin g he r away fro m hom e t o liv e with relative s i n Londo n s o tha t sh e coul d attend a girl's private school. 68 According to her friend an d biographer, Evely n Sharp, as an adul t Sarah (b y this time know n a s Hertha) consistentl y attribute d he r ow n considerable achievement s t o he r mother' s suppor t an d example . From th e ag e o f sixteen , whe n sh e wen t t o wor k a s a governes s t o help he r mothe r financially, unti l Mrs . Mark s die d i n 1898 , sh e remained a devote d daughter , eve n settin g asid e he r researc h t o nurse he r mothe r i n th e las t stage s o f illness . Thi s devotio n appar ently coexiste d comfortabl y wit h a stron g sens e o f persona l auton omy, a s illustrate d i n Sarah' s communicatio n o f he r intentio n t o marry out of he r faith : MY DEAREST MOTHER,—I have something to tell you which will give you both

pleasure and pain, but I hope for my sake you will let the pleasure overcome the pain. Yesterday evening Professor Ayrton asked me to marry him, and I accepted him. . .. H e has promised t o let me do, or to do himself, th e same for you and Winnie [ a younger sister ] that I should hav e done i f I had not married.... I am so happy, I hope you won't take away from m y happiness

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by being unhapp y yourself . Yo u kno w ho w muc h I love you, dear Mother, and I would do anythin g I could t o mak e yo u happy , bu t th e one thin g I could not do would be to give him up. Write me just one little word yourself Always and for ever, Your loving daughter, SARAH 69 While sh e ma y hav e foun d i t difficul t t o d o s o o n religiou s grounds , Mrs. Marks accepted he r daughter's decision, and their close relationship endured . N o doub t th e "perfec t relations " attribute d t o Sara h and her daughter Barbar a by her biographer reflected th e supportiv e example offere d b y he r ow n mother . Despit e Barbara' s temporar y attack o f conventionalis m whe n sh e wen t t o school— " 'I d o wis h mother ha d a boudoir , al l filled wit h yello w sati n furniture , instea d of a laboratory—lik e th e mother s o f othe r girls! ' "—their relation ship wa s indee d distinguishe d b y stron g affectio n an d friendshi p a s well a s a shared commitmen t t o the suffrag e movement. 70 Obviously, as this example indicates , mothers who were themselve s involved i n women's right s issues could understan d daughters ' untraditional aspirations . I n turn , thei r daughters , lik e Barbar a Ayrton , might provid e vita l support fo r materna l endeavors , especially wher e other relative s an d friend s di d no t sympathiz e with militan t activi ties.71 Elsi e Bowerman' s mother , lik e Mrs . Ayrton , a dedicate d suf fragist, serve d a s a n importan t rol e mode l fo r he r daughter , an d their relationship wa s mutually supportive . Elsie' s letters from Girto n demonstrate he r ow n commitmen t t o he r mother' s politica l con cerns. 72 While sh e also wrote abou t mor e mundane domesti c matters , she obviousl y followe d he r mother' s suffrag e activitie s closely : " I suppose yo u mus t b e ver y bus y makin g al l you r arrangement s fo r Tuesday," sh e wrot e o n Novembe r 17 , 1910 . " I do hop e yo u won' t get arrested. " Thre e day s later , sh e wa s stil l concerne d abou t th e same event : "Than k yo u s o muc h fo r al l you r letter s an d telegrams . Needless t o sa y I hav e bee n simpl y wil d with excitemen t thes e las t two days. . . . I f yo u hav e tim e o r energ y lef t coul d yo u possibl y sen d me a wir e to-morro w nigh t t o tel l m e i f yo u ar e arreste d o r not . I wish I coul d b e ther e t o help." 73 Thei r clos e communicatio n contin ued afte r Elsi e finished college . Sh e wa s gratefu l fo r he r mother' s approval whe n sh e propose d t o go t o Europe as an ambulance drive r in 1916—"I t i s good o f you alway s to be so splendidly unselfis h abou t letting m e tr y m y han d a t th e thing s I wan t t o do"—an d sh e wrot e frequently fro m overseas. 74

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Like Elsi e Bowerman , Marger y Corbet t Ashb y enjoyed a close an d mutually supportiv e relationshi p wit h he r mother , wh o wa s als o a women's right s activist. Mrs. Corbett encouraged he r daughter's studie s at Newnham an d expresse d prid e in her achievements. "I t was a very great pleasur e t o ge t you r letter s a t las t & to kno w tha t yo u ha d go t through you r ordeal s well . The y ar e excellen t practic e & I d o hop e you wil l neve r shu n opportunities, " she wrote . "Yo u wil l ge t a splen did educatio n . .. eve n thoug h yo u d o no t tak e a firs t i n classics. . . . Don't tak e after you r stupid M a who . . . always gav e wa y th e minut e she di d no t swi m t o th e front." 75 Thi s suppor t continue d whe n Margery becam e a colleague i n th e women' s movement : "Yo u touc h nothing bu t no t dignif y & exalt it. . . . Your s wer e th e bes t speeche s yesterday & not i n m y opinion only.. . . You hav e but one fault . Yo u must put your chest up & your shoulders down!" 76 (This las t piece o f advice, reminiscen t o f Anni e Winso r Allen' s mother' s anxiet y ove r her daughter' s posture , suggest s tha t a t leas t i n som e areas , Englis h and America n mother s shared identica l concerns! ) Margery als o wrote affectionate , supportiv e letter s t o he r mother . She sough t advic e abou t socia l matters , confide d he r anxiet y abou t academic matters , share d th e ordinar y detail s o f he r dail y life , an d apologized whe n sh e faile d t o writ e ever y day. 77 He r prid e in , an d affection for , he r mothe r pervad e he r correspondenc e fro m Girton : "Your pictur e ha s com e an d i s m y grea t delight . Peopl e her e lik e i t very muc h an d sa y I am lik e yo u an d wha t mor e coul d I want ? I d o hope you r speec h wil l pleas e a s much a s it will pleas e you r audience . You ar e boun d t o be a success you know." 78 Th e sam e estee m come s through i n late r frequent correspondence , afte r Margery' s marriage , as th e followin g exampl e illustrates : "M y deares t & bes t belove d Mother, . . . The mor e I see of othe r women , th e mor e yo u stan d ou t amongst them . I test you against th e women o f all lands & cant find a better al l roun d one . Bles s you." 79 Th e onl y hin t o f conflic t i n thi s relationship appear s i n materna l expression s o f concer n regardin g the strengt h o f Margery' s commitmen t t o he r fiance prio r t o thei r marriage: Time seems to be getting on & no way is made apparently towards the great crisis in your life. You never speak except in the vaguest & mos t indifferen t way about your marriage.... I sometimes wonder how much or rather how little you care for one another... . Thi s make s me anxious 8c I want you to

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think seriously about your prospects & to make some plans concerning them if the y ar e brigh t enough . . . . Al l I wan t t o kno w i s ar e yo u reall y fon d enough of Brian 8c is he fond enough of you?80 Evidently, " a girl' s bes t friend " coul d indee d b e he r mother , i n England a s wel l a s i n America. 81 O n balance , however , middle-clas s English mother s appea r t o hav e functione d les s frequentl y i n thi s capacity tha n thei r America n counterpart s did . Difference s i n per sonality, self-image , an d lif e experienc e undeniabl y affecte d women' s perceptions of , an d reaction s to , th e growin g independenc e o f thei r daughters i n bot h countries . Financia l pressure s migh t exacerbat e mother-daughter antagonis m o r facilitat e understanding . Widow hood coul d mak e a mothe r les s incline d t o accep t he r daughter' s views o r induc e he r t o b e mor e toleran t o f them . An d a woman' s personal interest s an d commitments , a s i n th e cas e o f thos e wh o actively embrace d th e caus e o f suffrage , coul d certainl y facilitat e a harmonious mother-daughte r relationship . Bu t th e idiosyncrasie s an d personal predilection s o f individua l wome n mus t b e considere d i n a broader cultural context . Despite th e link s betwee n America n an d Englis h cultur e an d th e transatlantic dialogue , nationa l difference s canno t b e discounte d a s causal factor s i n th e varyin g pattern s o f mother-daughte r relation ships. Fo r example, demographi c diversit y ma y partiall y explain wh y American mother s coul d b e more receptiv e t o daughters' aspirations. Population statistic s sugges t tha t whil e fertilit y rate s i n th e Unite d States declined throughou t mos t of th e nineteent h century , thi s phe nomenon wa s no t significan t i n th e Englis h contex t unti l approxi mately 1880. 82 Thu s middle-clas s Englis h familie s continue d t o b e large, and , a t leas t durin g th e firs t par t o f th e perio d unde r consid eration, mother s di d no t necessaril y hav e the luxury of concentratin g on an d fosterin g th e specia l hope s o f daughter s wh o ha d untradi tional goals . I n contrast , smalle r familie s woul d permi t thei r Ameri can counterpart s t o channe l bot h tim e an d emotiona l energ y i n thi s way. A longe r nationa l traditio n o f secondar y educatio n fo r women , and a corollar y belie f i n th e importanc e o f universal , fre e publi c schooling, ma y als o accoun t fo r stronge r materna l suppor t i n Amer ica. Whe n Sar a Burstal l travele d abroa d t o stud y th e educationa l

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system, sh e wa s impresse d t o lear n tha t "ther e wa s i n Americ a . . . a real belief in education. There sh e was no longer what she stil l is here —a Cinderella. " Sh e reporte d tha t a teache r i n Ne w Yor k ha d tol d her: "W e hav e n o establishe d Church ; w e hav e establishe d Educa tion." 83 I n thi s America n context , th e "ne w woman's " educationa l aspirations di d no t represen t a complet e brea k wit h th e past . I n contrast, althoug h th e movemen t fo r women' s secondar y educatio n originated i n the 1850 s in England, it did no t really flourish unti l tw o decades later . Hence , eve n i n th e year s precedin g Worl d Wa r I , i t was not unusua l fo r upper-middle-clas s girl s to be educated a t home , and fo r parent s t o bal k a t the ide a of spendin g a s much t o educate a daughter a s the y migh t t o educat e a son. 84 Thus , thei r ow n prio r experiences with secondar y schooling , an d a cultura l climat e tha t valued education , enable d America n mother s t o suppor t thei r daughters' aspirations . O n th e othe r hand , minima l persona l expo sure t o secondar y education , an d th e comparativ e absenc e o f societa l support fo r femal e schooling , deterre d thei r Englis h counterpart s from providin g similar support t o their offspring . National difference s withi n th e famil y settin g were als o important . The America n middle-clas s famil y i n th e nineteent h century—an d even earlier—offere d considerabl y mor e freedo m t o children gener ally, an d t o girl s specifically , tha n it s Englis h analogu e did . Englis h travelers consistentl y commente d wit h disapproval o n th e tendencie s of America n parent s t o indulg e thei r childre n an d t o trea t the m a s equals. 85 The y note d th e clos e companionshi p betwee n mother s an d daughters: "Daughter s ar e muc h wit h thei r mothers , an d the y be come thei r companion s younge r tha n the y d o i n Europe . A t a n ag e when th e Frenc h girl , fo r instance , i s stil l demurel y attendin g he r convent, o r th e Englis h gir l i s i n th e hand s o f he r governess , he r more emancipated siste r across the Atlantic is calling with her mothe r on he r friends , or assisting her in the drawing-room o n he r receptio n days." 86 Whil e thes e observation s describe d th e closenes s betwee n American mother s an d daughter s i n conventiona l activities , thi s pat tern o f intimac y ma y hav e se t th e ton e an d provide d th e foundatio n for materna l suppor t fo r th e untraditiona l choice s o f "ne w women " as well . Othe r observation s focuse d o n th e attitude s o f Englis h an d American girl s wit h regar d t o marriage . On e suc h compariso n em phasized tha t th e latte r wer e no t traine d t o regar d marriag e a s th e

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ultimate goa l i n life ; henc e the y coul d socializ e with youn g me n a s friends rathe r tha n vie w the m onl y a s possible husbands. 87 The observation s o f visitor s wh o foun d America n parent-chil d relationships noteworth y fo r thei r informalit y an d friendship , mother daughter relationship s interestin g fo r thei r closeness , an d boy-gir l relationships uniqu e fo r thei r friendl y qualit y underline d th e fac t that middle-class social life in England wa s highly ritualized and mor e rigid tha n i n America . A majo r shar e o f th e responsibilit y fo r main taining the family' s standard s an d values , and thus its social standing , fell t o wive s an d mothers , wh o mus t hav e experience d a good bi t o f tension i n thei r effort s t o fulfil l thei r socia l roles , particularl y i f th e reality o f thei r circumstance s conflicte d wit h th e idea l t o whic h the y aspired. 88 Against th e backgroun d o f th e economi c an d politica l upheaval s that characterize d th e nineteent h century , wome n wer e expecte d t o preserve th e fabri c o f societ y throug h thei r position s a s socia l gate keepers an d arbiter s o f socia l acceptance . T o a grea t extent , thei r lives wer e directe d b y th e concep t o f gentility , whic h integrate d th e behavioral code s o f th e earlie r aristocrati c an d gentr y classe s with newer middle-clas s pattern s an d serve d a s a powerfu l instrumen t o f social control. 89 I n the middl e class, social duties were viewed as more urgent fo r wome n tha n fo r men . Henc e wive s wh o too k th e socia l code seriousl y migh t b e concerned abou t avoidin g th e appearance o f socializing wit h inappropriat e people—eithe r thos e o f inferio r socia l standing, o r thos e o f highe r statu s t o whom on e migh t b e accused o f toadying. Me n ha d mor e leewa y i n their connections. 90 The socia l cod e place d heav y emphasi s o n materna l responsibilit y for groomin g o f daughter s t o b e wive s an d mothers . Becaus e lat e Victorian societ y establishe d mor e forma l etiquett e fo r girls than ha d been th e case earlier, th e pressur e o n mother s i n this area was particularly acut e b y th e en d o f th e nineteent h century. 91 A t th e uppe r levels o f th e middl e class , thi s mean t tha t daughter s ha d t o b e ori ented carefull y t o th e formalitie s o f th e dinne r part y and th e custo m of payin g calls , bot h o f whic h wer e structure d b y rigidl y prescriptiv e rules. 92 Katherine Chorley' s recollection s o f growin g u p i n a n affluen t suburb of Mancheste r sugges t tha t these custom s could b e a proble m for som e wome n an d als o a sourc e o f mother-daughte r conflict . Sh e

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remembered tha t he r mothe r planne d he r call s carefull y bu t hope d that mos t peopl e woul d no t b e hom e s o tha t sh e coul d just leav e he r cards. Whe n Katherin e an d he r contemporarie s wer e ol d enoug h t o participate i n thi s ritual , the y greete d th e obligatio n wit h distaste : "The da y wa s indeed a black on e o n whic h w e foun d tha t ou r moth ers ha d ha d thei r card s reprinte d an d tha t ou r name s figured belo w theirs o n th e disgustin g littl e whit e slips . Bu t we , too , wer e drille d and disciplined, " she commented. 93 Strict rule s applie d t o othe r area s o f socia l lif e a s well . Sociall y correct youn g peopl e wer e expecte d t o interac t i n prescribe d ways ; for example , a girl coul d no t danc e mor e tha n thre e dance s wit h th e same youn g ma n a t a party. 94 Eve n dealing s wit h tradesme n ha d t o be conducte d properl y i n a n upper-middle-clas s household . Whe n the groce r cam e t o Ursul a Bloom' s home , th e drawin g roo m wa s prepared an d th e silve r wa s polished . He r mothe r gav e hi m th e order, h e wrot e i t down , an d the n the y serve d hi m "cookin g sherr y and macaroons." 95 Rigi d etiquett e als o surrounde d th e us e o f th e lavatory. I t wa s considere d especiall y vulga r fo r a lad y t o appea r t o be awar e o f th e existenc e o f suc h a place , an d thu s a gues t i n th e house wa s never tol d where i t was. Eleanor Aclan d remembere d tha t she an d he r sibling s wer e require d t o sta y i n th e lavator y unti l thei r nurse cam e t o escor t the m out ; the y wer e no t allowe d t o mentio n where the y were going or to call out when the y were finished becaus e everyone i n th e house woul d the n kno w wher e the y ha d been. 96 Other matter s wer e als o considere d taboo—especiall y discussion s of th e fact s o f life , whic h pose d problem s fo r wome n a t al l level s o f the Englis h middl e clas s as well a s for America n mother s an d daugh ters. Ver a Brittai n remembere d ho w difficult i t was for he r t o extrac t information o n thes e matter s fro m he r mother , an d Ursul a Bloo m commented ironically : "Unmarrie d girl s mus t b e virginall y innocent , and zealousl y guarde d agains t emotion s lik e passio n an d flirtations, yet marrie d ladie s fro m th e momen t the y lef t th e churc h a s matron s knew th e lot!" 97 Althoug h Katherin e Chorle y wa s als o sheltered , occasionally he r mothe r fel t compelle d t o tel l he r thing s tha t coul d not b e kept fro m her. 98 Clearly thi s comple x socia l cod e coul d potentiall y engende r th e sort of intergenerationa l conflic t tha t might imped e th e developmen t of mother-daughte r intimacy , particularl y i n a n upper-middle-clas s

i6o

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family. Bu t i n othe r segment s o f th e middl e class , wher e a woma n might aspir e t o gentilit y an d respectability , possibl y t o mitigat e th e burdens o f financial insecurity , a daughter' s nonconformit y coul d also introduc e tension s int o th e relationship , a s Hele n Corke' s expe riences indicate. Som e youn g wome n internalize d th e rule s they wer e supposed t o follow , and , fo r them , breakin g thos e rule s represente d "conscious an d premeditate d rebellion." 99 Others , such a s Vera Brit tain, constantl y chafe d agains t thes e restraints . Certainl y th e aspira tions of a budding "new woman" who was anxious t o enroll a t Girton or Newnha m rathe r tha n t o liv e th e lif e o f a "daughte r a t home " could exacerbat e an y existin g tensions , especiall y wher e a mothe r whose ow n outloo k remaine d firmly entrenche d i n a nineteenth century framewor k o f gentilit y an d domesticit y wa s committe d t o training he r daughter t o follo w th e sam e path . Katherine Chorle y readil y conforme d t o he r mother' s trainin g until th e en d o f Worl d Wa r I , whe n sh e decide d tha t th e socia l pattern sh e ha d expecte d t o follo w wa s ou t o f date . Neithe r o f he r parents wa s enthusiasti c abou t he r newl y discovere d desir e t o g o t o Cambridge, an d he r mother , wh o wa s "anythin g bu t a feminist, " supported he r husban d whe n h e vetoe d thi s plan. I t did no t occur t o their twenty-one-year-ol d daughte r t o challeng e thei r decision , par tially because he r commitment t o the pursui t of higher education wa s not completel y serious. 100 Whe n he r mothe r relaxe d he r standard s somewhat afte r he r husband' s death, Katherin e viewed th e change a s an acknowledgmen t o f th e genera l tren d towar d mor e casua l man ners a s well a s evidence o f a need fo r "th e insurance polic y o f timel y concessions." However , i t ma y als o hav e reflecte d a feeling o f libera tion from patriarcha l constraints , since her mother, like Mrs. Brittain, had bee n completel y dedicate d t o he r husband' s needs. 101 Ursul a Bloom als o describe d patriarcha l practice s i n he r family : whe n he r father, wh o wa s a vicar, ran g th e bel l i n hi s study, he r mothe r woul d rush out o f th e roo m t o find on e o f th e maids : "It's Mr. Bloom's bell! You simpl y must answer Mr . Bloom' s bell, he has rung twice already." But, sh e observe d ironically , n o on e woul d hav e care d if it had bee n "Mrs. Bloom' s bell, " since unti l Worl d Wa r I a woman wa s expecte d to b e kep t i n he r place , t o produc e a family , t o brin g i t u p withou t bothering he r husband , an d "t o get th e maids going i n a big way an d run th e hom e well." 102 Mentorin g a n independen t daughte r di d no t

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fall unde r thi s rubric , no r di d challengin g mal e prerogative s o n be half of a n aspiring "ne w woman" as many America n mother s did . If middle-clas s wome n i n Englan d differe d fro m thos e acros s th e Atlantic i n thi s respect, the y ma y hav e also differed i n thei r interpre tations o f thei r materna l obligations . Th e mystiqu e o f motherhoo d that permeate d America n middle-clas s famil y ideolog y throughou t the nineteent h centur y di d no t dominat e th e Englis h middle-clas s home durin g thi s period . Recen t scholarshi p o n th e famil y live s o f upper-middle-class Victoria n wome n ha s suggeste d tha t althoug h both mother s an d father s wer e involve d i n th e live s of thei r children , motherhood di d no t provid e th e centra l focu s o f Englis h women' s lives, no r wa s i t expected t o absor b al l o f thei r energie s an d preven t them fro m fulfillin g thei r social obligations. 103 Certainly som e upper middle-class mother s playe d majo r role s i n thei r children' s lives , a s Lilian FaithfulP s experienc e illustrates . But , a s he r experienc e als o suggests, i t was not unusua l fo r childre n i n affluent familie s t o spen d more tim e wit h servant s tha n the y spen t wit h thei r parents , an d hence t o share thei r problem s and thei r joys wit h these peopl e rathe r than with thei r mothers. 104 The recollection s o f other wome n suppor t thi s observation. Esthe r Stokes, wh o wa s bor n i n 1895 , remembere d tha t he r mothe r rarel y spent an y tim e i n th e nursery , althoug h the y alway s share d a n hou r together afte r tea . Whil e he r feeling s abou t he r mothe r wer e no t completely negative , the y reflected thi s distance: "I never reall y love d her. I ha d enormou s respec t fo r he r an d he r judgment, an d al l sh e did and everything , bu t there was no warmth you know." 105 I n Grac e Fulford's family , th e children also saw relatively little of thei r mother . Although bot h parent s usuall y kisse d the m goodnight , the y onl y dined wit h the m o n Sundays. 106 Eleano r Aclan d an d he r sibling s treasured th e hour the y spent in the drawing room with their mothe r every da y an d th e occasional opportunit y t o be alon e wit h he r if the y were ill . Becaus e th e nurser y effectivel y functione d a s a worl d apar t from th e res t o f th e household , th e harshnes s o f a n unsympatheti c nurse wa s permitte d t o continu e unnotice d fo r twent y years . Whil e she wa s a threatening figure, th e nurs e also symbolized som e for m o f security t o he r charges , wh o worrie d abou t th e chang e i n routin e when thei r mother too k over thei r care in he r absence. 107 Katherine Chorley' s nurs e als o figured importantl y i n he r life .

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Unlike Eleano r Acland , Katherin e though t he r nurs e wa s perfect , and althoug h sh e recalle d tha t sh e love d he r mothe r more , sh e fel t "more intimat e an d easy " wit h th e nurse . A s a n adult , sh e believe d that sh e ha d neve r suffere d "quit e th e sam e feelin g o f desolation " as she ha d experience d a t th e ag e o f nin e whe n th e nurs e departed. 108 Winifred Peck' s recollection s o f he r childhoo d documen t simila r ex periences. Sh e remembere d tha t althoug h sh e love d he r mother , their world s wer e totall y separate . Lookin g back , sh e conclude d tha t "modern children " wh o experience d close r parent-chil d interactio n were mor e fortunat e tha n thei r predecessor s eve n thoug h th e latte r had experienced thei r parent s as more "special" because they saw less of them. 109 Since only a small percentag e o f middle-clas s familie s could affor d to employ nurse s and governesses , suc h people had a relatively mino r impact o n th e natur e o f mother-daughte r relationships . Eve n wher e a househol d include d mor e tha n on e genera l servant , Englis h Victo rian an d Edwardia n motherhoo d di d no t necessaril y produc e alien ated, angr y children ; indee d i n som e cases , as Winifred Peck' s observations suggest, thi s structure investe d bot h mothers and fathers wit h a kind of aura and mystiqu e tha t made famil y interactions seem mor e like specia l occasions . Ye t i t seem s plausibl e t o assum e tha t i n som e cases a t least , thes e practices , lik e othe r middle-clas s socia l customs , impeded th e developmen t o f th e mutualit y an d suppor t tha t typifie d relationships i n America n middle-clas s families . Becaus e th e sam e social ideology dictate d th e values, if not the actual practices , of othe r segments o f th e middl e class , i t i s als o likel y tha t greate r emotiona l distance betwee n mother s an d daughter s characterize d less affluen t families a s well. The source s sugges t tha t i t was neither easy nor natural fo r a mothe r at any leve l o f th e Englis h middl e clas s t o assume th e rol e of mento r for a daughte r whos e aspiration s fo r educatio n an d independenc e threatened t o undermine th e established social conventions, althoug h in some cases those conventions wer e clearly outweighed b y economic considerations. 110 Th e fac t tha t th e nineteenth-centur y traditio n o f feminism i n England was less extensive and forceful tha n its analogue in America probabl y als o served a s an inhibitin g factor. 111 Gwen Raverat' s recollection s o f he r America n mother , wh o mar -

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3

ried a so n o f Charle s Darwi n an d raise d he r famil y i n Cambridge , raise interestin g question s abou t th e potentia l ramification s o f thes e cultural difference s fo r the mother-daughter relationship . Accordin g to he r daughter , Mrs . Darwi n wa s "alway s o n th e sid e o f progress, " and he r America n belie f i n independenc e le d he r t o expec t he r children t o d o thing s fo r themselve s tha t properl y socialize d Englis h children woul d no t have done. She was casual, informal, fearless , an d "a goo d dea l o f a feminist" ; sh e believe d tha t girls , a s wel l a s thei r brothers, shoul d b e educated t o have a n occupation , an d tha t peopl e could d o anythin g the y really wanted t o do. 1 1 2 In a letter t o her siste r in America , sh e complaine d abou t th e Englis h tendenc y t o overpro tect daughters : "Whe n Gwe n grow s up , i t wil l b e ver y har d t o kno w how t o trea t her . I f I le t he r b e a s independen t a s a gir l a t home , people wil l say in Cambridge sh e i s fast." 113 Despite he r unconventiona l attitudes , Mrs. Darwin adhere d t o th e upper-middle-class Englis h custo m o f employin g servant s t o care fo r her children . Gwe n neve r remembere d bein g bathe d o r havin g he r hair brushed b y her mother , an d sh e woul d "no t at all have like d i t if she ha d don e anythin g o f th e kind." 114 Interestingly , sh e foun d he r mother mor e prope r than he r English counterparts i n some respects : she describe d he r a s "mor e puritanical , i n a n old-fashione d early American way , whil e the y wer e mor e concerne d wit h gentilit y an d appearances." 115 Sh e als o recalle d tha t he r ow n shynes s an d lac k o f interest i n socia l activitie s disappointe d he r gregarious , attractiv e mother an d cause d difficultie s fo r the m both . Becaus e he r mothe r thought tha t shyness was silly, she continued t o encourage her daughte r to b e mor e sociable : "Th e kin d o f gir l sh e understoo d wa s ga y an d pretty an d charming , an d ha d lot s o f lov e affair s an d tol d he r al l about them ; an d sh e never understood tha t I could not—reall y could not—fill thi s role. " When a cousin wh o enjoyed partie s visited, Gwe n found i t "really pathetic" to observe he r mother' s pleasure. 116 The apparen t contradictio n betwee n Mrs. Darwin' s suppor t fo r women's education , he r informality, an d he r preoccupatio n wit h th e importance o f frivolou s socia l activitie s ma y reflec t th e contrastin g influences o f he r America n upbringing , he r subsequen t exposur e t o English middle-clas s culture , an d he r ow n negativ e schoo l experi ences. Althoug h learnin g ha d no t com e easil y t o her , sh e respecte d education an d culture . A s a membe r o f th e Darwi n family , sh e wa s

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1

surrounded b y universit y facult y an d expose d t o thei r intellectua l concerns. Th e famil y traditio n o f child-rearin g differe d fro m typica l Victorian practice , an d he r husban d accepte d he r relativel y relaxe d approach t o famil y life. 117 Ye t sh e neve r understoo d her daughter' s wish t o b e a "reall y goo d painter, " and sh e definitel y di d no t assum e the rol e of mento r fo r her. 118 As a n adult , Gwe n believe d tha t th e Englis h middle-clas s outloo k from th e mid-nineteent h centur y t o 191 4 wa s characterize d b y a sense o f unrealit y an d a n attachmen t t o fals e standards—tha t "th e English middl e classe s wer e locke d u p i n a great fortres s o f unrealit y and pretence." 119 Recen t studie s o f nineteenth-centur y middle-clas s English socia l ideolog y len d credenc e t o thi s opinion, an d thus t o th e argument tha t thi s ideolog y define d a majo r differenc e betwee n American an d Englis h culture , whic h help s t o account fo r th e differ ent pattern s o f mother-daughte r interactions. 120 Th e apparen t con version o f Gwe n Raverat' s American-bor n mothe r attest s t o th e powe r of th e ideology a s well. To conclud e merel y tha t middle-clas s America n mother s firmly supported thei r daughters ' ambition s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 , whil e their Englis h counterpart s generall y decline d t o d o so , run s th e ris k of failin g t o do justice t o the complexity o f mother-daughte r interac tions. Th e evidenc e als o demonstrate s tha t stron g mother-daughte r ties coul d exis t eve n wher e pronounce d difference s separate d th e female generation s i n a middle-clas s family , an d tha t som e mother s and daughter s readil y expresse d war m affectio n an d admiratio n fo r one another. 121 Nevertheless , i t appear s tha t Englis h middle-clas s society an d culture foreclose d th e development o f th e ability of man y women t o serv e a s mentor s fo r untraditiona l daughters , an d pre vented the m fro m eve n understandin g th e latter' s aspirations . Cer tainly i t was n o coincidenc e tha t young wome n wh o manage d t o tak e advantage o f th e opportunit y fo r highe r educatio n repeatedl y artic ulated thei r profound satisfactio n wit h the privacy and independenc e offered b y thei r colleg e accommodations , whil e thei r mother s ofte n found i t impossibl e t o comprehen d thei r desire s fo r wha t Virgini a Woolf would late r label "mone y and a room o f her own." 122 A recen t exploratio n o f th e interactio n betwee n th e persona l ex periences an d ideologica l perspective s o f leadin g Englis h feminist s who wer e bor n durin g th e nineteent h centur y reveale d a slight cor -

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5

relation betwee n feminis t activis m an d difficul t mother-daughte r re lationships. This study also suggested tha t with the exception o f thos e who were feminist s themselves , mother s wer e les s likely t o encourag e untraditional behavio r tha n fathers , wh o see m t o hav e hel d mor e unconventional view s about women's roles. 123 These findings suppor t the evidenc e o f materna l conventionalit y tha t ha s bee n documente d in the precedin g examples. They als o suggest tha t even a small amoun t of paterna l encouragemen t fo r a daughter' s aspiration s coul d b e a crucial facto r i n he r abilit y t o persevere , a s th e case s o f Constanc e Maynard an d Margare t Nevinso n illustrate . I n thi s respect, th e expe riences o f lat e nineteenth-centur y Englis h daughter s see m t o resem ble thos e o f som e earlier , ambitiou s youn g wome n i n Americ a wh o appear t o hav e admire d an d identifie d wit h thei r father s rathe r tha n their mothers. 124 Wherea s man y America n mother s ha d assume d a mentoring rol e fo r untraditiona l daughter s b y th e tur n o f th e cen tury, however , thei r English counterparts wer e slowe r to move i n thi s direction. How di d th e absenc e o f materna l suppor t ultimatel y affec t th e course o f daughters ' live s i n England ? A s th e availabl e statistic s o n female colleg e enrollment s suggest , th e failur e o f mother s t o foste r the aspiration s o f thei r offsprin g ma y hav e reduce d th e number s o f young wome n wh o fel t the y coul d attemp t a ne w pat h i n th e fac e o f the dominan t socia l conventions . I t als o appear s t o hav e le d a t leas t some o f thos e wh o di d pursu e untraditiona l goal s t o rel y o n th e support o f othe r wome n a s mentors. 125 Lik e Helen a Swanwick , Con stance Jones, an d Octavi a Wilberforce , aspirin g student s migh t als o be force d t o accep t financial assistanc e fro m friend s o r relatives . While som e youn g wome n consciousl y expresse d resentmen t ove r their mothers ' rigidity, others apparently suppresse d thei r anger an d occasionally experience d healt h problem s a s a resul t o f unresolve d family conflict s ove r thei r intellectua l interests. 126 Mor e generally , i t is possible tha t th e militan t ton e o f Englis h feminis m an d th e escala tion of violenc e tha t characterized th e suffrage campaign—includin g riots, arson , arrests , imprisonment , hunge r strikes , an d force d feed ings—represented a n expression o f ange r directe d particularl y agains t the conventional attitude s of middle-class women (includin g mothers ) toward thei r own roles. 127 The examinatio n o f middle-clas s Englis h mother-daughte r inter -

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actions in the era o f th e "new woman" has revealed significan t variations fro m th e patter n tha t characterize d th e interaction s o f Ameri can mother s and daughter s durin g th e same period. This comparative evidence underscore s th e intricacie s o f th e relationship , an d accen tuates th e complexit y o f th e effor t t o understand i t historically. Th e English evidenc e als o reiterate s th e importanc e o f attentio n t o spe cific cultura l differences , a s well as to broader theoretica l issues , fo r the analysi s o f mother-daughte r relationship s i n th e past . The addi tion o f a comparative perspective , then , ma y qualify som e aspects of the interpretatio n o f th e dat a o n America n mother-daughte r rela tionships in important ways.

C H A P T E R8

" M O T H E R DROV E U S I N THE STUDEBAKER" : AMERICAN M O T H E R S AN D DAUGHTERS AFTE R 192 0

A

LTHOUGH middle-clas s America n mother-daughte r rela tionships neve r replicate d th e Englis h pattern s exhibite d i n h. the er a o f th e "ne w woman, " ther e i s som e evidenc e o f change durin g th e decade s followin g 1920 . Whil e i n man y ways , th e interactions o f twentieth-centur y mother s an d daughter s resemble d those o f previou s generation s o f America n women , th e intensit y o f the intimac y tha t ha d characterize d earlie r relationship s apparentl y lessened. A complete examination o f the dynamics of th e relationshi p in th e post-192 0 perio d remain s beyon d th e limit s o f th e presen t investigation, bu t th e effor t t o develo p th e outline s o f a historica l framework fo r th e analysi s of th e interaction s o f middle-clas s Ameri can mother s an d daughter s woul d remai n incomplet e withou t som e consideration o f th e change s an d continuitie s durin g thos e years . Hence, whil e thi s chapte r addresse s thi s importan t task , i t differ s from th e precedin g chapters , whic h offere d a fulle r interpretatio n together wit h mor e extensiv e an d detaile d example s o f bot h cultura l representations of the relationship and actual mother-daughte r inter actions. In contrast , th e followin g discussio n explore s th e parameter s o f a task tha t remain s t o b e accomplishe d an d suggest s a directio n fo r further research . Th e decisio n t o approac h th e post-192 0 perio d i n this fashio n wa s effectivel y dictate d b y th e definitio n o f th e mai n focus o f th e study , bu t i t als o reflect s th e natur e o f th e availabl e sources. Althoug h comprehensiv e collection s o f women' s persona l 167

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documents offe r extensiv e evidenc e regardin g th e characte r o f th e mother-daughter relationshi p durin g th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentieth centuries , simila r materia l i s far less accessible for th e year s that followed. Wit h th e advent o f th e telephone , mother s and daugh ters n o longe r neede d t o rel y exclusivel y o n length y letter s t o com municate wit h on e anothe r whe n the y wer e separated . Diar y an d journal writin g als o decline d i n th e cours e o f th e twentiet h century . Even wher e relevan t document s d o exist , the y ar e no t necessaril y obtainable fo r research . Understandably , familie s ar e les s incline d t o open mor e recen t letter s an d othe r persona l document s t o publi c scrutiny, an d eve n wher e suc h collection s hav e bee n deposite d i n libraries, the y ofte n remai n close d t o researcher s fo r a designate d number o f years . Hence , althoug h som e materia l i s available , i t i s impossible t o analyz e late r twentieth-centur y mother-daughte r rela tionships a s fully a s those a t the tur n o f th e century. Whil e th e issue s can b e defined , th e interpretatio n o f women' s response s t o thos e issues remain s t o some exten t impressionistic . Thi s chapter the n rep resents a mor e genera l treatmen t o f th e topi c alon g wit h a cal l fo r further investigation . The decade s followin g 192 0 encompasse d a kaleidoscop e o f socia l and cultura l chang e a s America complete d th e transition t o the mod ern age . Th e earlie r tensio n betwee n traditio n an d innovatio n wa s resolved wit h th e defeat o f th e old order and th e establishment in th e twenties o f ne w behavio r an d valu e pattern s tha t stil l remai n visibl e in contemporar y America n society . Th e er a o f "flamin g youth " ende d abruptly wit h th e onse t o f th e Depression , an d th e ensuin g wide spread sufferin g an d deprivation . Thes e economi c difficulties , an d the traum a o f America' s involvemen t i n a worl d wa r barel y twent y years after th e "wa r to end al l wars," brought issue s of surviva l t o th e forefront o f America n consciousness. Th e retur n to "normalcy," with its stres s o n domesticit y i n th e fifties, shortl y gav e wa y t o th e unres t of th e sixties and seventies—th e movement s fo r civil rights and wom en's liberatio n an d th e ris e o f th e counterculture . Agains t thi s varie gated backdrop , i t is possible t o discern element s o f both change an d continuity i n th e middle-clas s America n mother-daughte r relation ship.

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The 1920 s marke d th e beginnin g o f modernit y i n th e histor y o f gender role s i n America , a s a new generatio n o f middle-clas s wome n pursued equalit y i n a new way. With th e successful completio n o f th e suffrage campaig n an d th e subsequen t fragmentatio n o f th e feminis t movement, women' s focu s shifted fro m a public, politica l agenda tha t had centere d o n gettin g th e vote t o a quest fo r persona l gratificatio n and privat e rights . I t was not th e establishe d leadershi p o f th e wom en's movemen t tha t forme d th e vanguar d o f thi s quest, bu t the mod ern youn g wome n o f th e "flapper " generation . Thes e wome n re belled overtl y an d decisivel y agains t th e Victoria n sexua l more s tha t had survive d th e Firs t Worl d Wa r i n principle , i f no t i n practice . Unlike thei r feminis t predecessors , the y sough t t o combine marriag e and work. Whil e earlier female students had engaged wholeheartedl y in th e intellectua l lif e o f th e colleg e campus , thes e youn g wome n engaged primaril y in the social life it provided. I n pursui t of persona l satisfaction an d fun , thi s generatio n smoked , danced , dated , an d petted, an d openl y challenge d traditiona l gende r role s t o an unprec edented degree. 1 Thus, i n th e aftermath o f Worl d Wa r I, the "flapper " replaced th e "new woman " as the focu s o f socia l commentar y an d anxiet y regard ing femal e behavior . Lik e her predecessor, th e "flapper" represente d in th e cultura l discours e wa s a fictionalized composit e imag e rathe r than a descriptio n o f reality . A s the y wer e portraye d i n th e popula r periodical literature, neither she no r her male counterpart resemble d typical youn g people . Nevertheless , discussion s o f youth , define d b y one contemporar y observe r a s "American s o f bot h sexe s wh o ar e i n the adolescen t period , particularl y thos e o f secondar y schoo l an d college age, " filled the page s of popula r journals. Whil e concern ove r children wa s no t a ne w phenomeno n i n America n cultura l history , the exten t o f th e pervasiv e anxiet y ove r th e younge r generatio n distinguished th e twenties . Perceive d a s fundamentall y differen t fro m previous generation s i n thei r uninhibited , hedonistic , an d defian t attitudes an d behaviors , th e youn g peopl e o f thi s era , particularl y females, wer e portraye d a s completel y ou t o f contro l an d sexuall y demoralized. Lik e th e "ne w woman, " however , th e "flappers " ha d their defenders a s well as their detractors. Whethe r the y were viewe d negatively o r positively , the y clearl y behave d differentl y fro m th e

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women o f th e previou s generation , an d thei r attitude s an d activitie s defined a foca l poin t fo r muc h o f th e contemporar y socia l an d cul tural discussion i n th e twenties. 2 How di d th e mother-daughte r relationshi p far e i n th e contex t o f this new femal e generatio n gap ? Despite th e changes in women's lives during th e late nineteenth an d earl y twentiet h centuries, middle-clas s mothers an d daughter s generall y manage d t o maintai n th e bond s that ha d linke d earlie r femal e generation s i n America n families . Bu t the "flapper " threatened t o g o eve n furthe r tha n he r predecessor s i n the pursui t o f equality . A daughter' s aspiration s fo r educatio n an d professional employment , eve n wher e thes e coul d als o involve a conscious decisio n no t t o marry , migh t b e understandable . He r aspira tions fo r complet e sexua l freedo m an d th e avowed intentio n t o "have it all " coul d b e fa r mor e threatening . Indeed , i n thei r crusad e fo r sexual freedom , th e youn g wome n o f th e 1920 s differe d fro m thei r predecessors mor e tha n an y o f thei r successor s i n late r generation s differed fro m them. 3 I t seem s plausible , then , t o assum e tha t th e anxiety expresse d i n th e contemporar y literatur e reflecte d th e con cerns o f parent s wh o confronte d unconventiona l "flapper " attitude s and activitie s i n thei r ow n families . Whil e th e popula r literatur e evoked exaggerate d an d threatenin g image s o f licentiou s women , contemporary studie s documente d a n unprecedente d amoun t o f freedom fo r bot h hig h schoo l an d colleg e student s a s well a s a domi nant an d influentia l pee r culture. 4 Surel y mother s woul d b e uncom fortable wit h daughter s wh o "bobbed " thei r hair , use d cosmetics , socialized constantly , wen t ou t i n automobiles , an d openl y define d their attitude s towar d se x accordin g t o thos e o f thei r peer s rathe r than thos e o f thei r parents . Robert an d Hele n Lynd' s Middletown suggest s tha t middle-clas s parents wer e indee d concerne d b y th e declinin g influenc e o f th e home i n favo r o f th e pee r group , an d th e attendan t earl y sophistica tion o f thei r offspring . On e mothe r interviewe d reporte d tha t sh e had neve r bee n criticize d b y he r childre n unti l the y entere d hig h school, bu t no w bot h he r daughte r an d a n olde r so n accuse d he r o f being old-fashioned . Anothe r mothe r complaine d tha t her fourteen year-old daughte r accuse d he r o f bein g "cruel " if she di d no t permi t her t o sta y a t a danc e unti l afte r 1 1 P.M. 5 A numbe r o f wome n als o lamented th e influenc e o f domesti c scienc e classes , notin g tha t thei r

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daughters ha d ridicule d th e mothers ' cooking an d sewin g practices. 6 Maternal anxietie s lik e thes e wer e mirrore d i n th e response s o f hig h school daughter s t o a questionnaire concernin g source s o f disagree ment wit h thei r parents . Ou t o f a lis t o f twelv e possibl e proble m areas, the two most frequently identifie d were : "Number of time s you go ou t o n schoo l night s durin g th e week " and "Th e hou r yo u ge t i n at night. " Source s o f disagreemen t mentione d i n additio n t o thos e listed o n th e questionnair e include d "Cigarettes, " "Boys, " "Pettin g parties," "Bobbed hair, " "Playing cards," "Reading to o man y books, " "Dancing," "Machine ridin g t o other town s a t nights wit h dates, " and "Evolution."7 While mother s professe d th e desir e t o maintai n o r reasser t tradi tional standard s o f disciplin e an d obedience , eve n the y wer e con fused abou t wha t the y ough t t o requir e o f thei r children . A s on e worried woma n expresse d it , "Yo u se e othe r peopl e bein g mor e lenient an d yo u thin k perhap s tha t i t i s th e bes t way , bu t yo u ar e afraid t o d o anythin g ver y differen t fro m wha t you r mothe r di d fo r fear you ma y leav e out something essential o r do somethin g wrong . I would giv e anythin g t o know what is wisest, bu t I don't kno w wha t t o do." 8 Similar confusion surface d i n the results of a questionnaire tha t asked mother s t o identif y th e mos t importan t trait s t o b e stresse d i n child-rearing. Th e middle-clas s wome n sample d selecte d "indepen dence," "franknes s i n dealin g wit h others, " an d "stric t obedience." 9 The obviou s contradictio n betwee n independenc e an d obedienc e suggests tha t mothers , lik e thei r daughters , wer e i n th e proces s o f modernizing thei r values and expectations, an d tha t they foun d thei r parental responsibilitie s perplexing . The earl y ag e a t which socia l lif e bega n i n Middletow n wa s clearl y a majo r sourc e o f concern . A fe w parent s chos e t o sen d thei r off spring awa y t o schoo l t o avoi d th e dilemma s pose d b y socia l event s such a s schoo l an d churc h dance s tha t laste d unti l midnight . On e conscientious mothe r who had considered thi s solution describe d he r efforts t o solve th e problem : Last year we seriously considered sending our daughter away to school to get away from thi s social life. We try to make home as much a center as possible and kee p refreshment s o n han d s o tha t th e childre n ca n entertai n thei r friends here , bu t it isn't of muc h use any more. There is always some party or dance goin g o n i n a hotel or some other publi c place . We don't like the

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children t o go out on schoo l nights , bu t it's hard always to refuse. . . . Even as it is, we're a good deal worried about her; she's beginning to feel differen t from th e others because sh e is more restricte d and not allowed to go out as much as they do. These observation s certainly imply th e possibility of mother-daughte r conflict, bu t the y als o indicat e tha t mother s coul d b e responsiv e t o their daughters ' feeling s abou t parenta l effort s t o limi t socia l free dom. Mothers frequentl y foun d i t necessar y t o compromis e i n th e fac e of th e prevailin g conditions , an d some , alon g wit h thei r children , apparently accepte d th e necessit y an d importanc e o f socia l lif e an d reacted accordingly . Thus , on e woma n complaine d tha t whe n he r eleven-year-old so n wen t t o hi s firs t dance , hi s date's mothe r refuse d to tel l he r daughte r tha t th e coupl e shoul d b e hom e b y 10:30 : "In deed, I' m no t tellin g m y daughte r anythin g o f th e kind, " she said . "I don't wan t t o interfer e wit h he r goo d time! " Anothe r mothe r re ported tha t although sh e disapprove d o f peopl e wh o permitte d thei r children t o join to o man y clubs , sh e decide d t o le t he r daughte r join three hig h schoo l organization s i n additio n t o tw o group s outsid e o f school. Thi s choice reflecte d he r desire "to minimize the boy interest " by filling he r daughter' s lif e wit h othe r activities. 10 Mother s als o acknowledged th e socia l realitie s throug h thei r suppor t fo r th e im portance o f teachin g "se x hygiene " t o thei r offsprin g an d i n thei r capitulation t o daughters ' urgen t demand s fo r expensiv e clothing , which wa s considered a n essential prerequisit e fo r socia l success. 11 Certainly mother s an d hig h schoo l daughter s disagree d o n a variety o f issues , an d frictio n betwee n the m wa s no t a n unusua l occur rence. 12 Th e Middletow n dat a sugges t tha t mother s foun d i t ver y difficult t o maintai n traditiona l standards . Frequentl y the y gave i n t o daughters' wishe s o r a t leas t compromise d i n man y situation s tha t might otherwise hav e provoke d seriou s conflict. Henc e the dissensio n between adolescen t girl s an d thei r mother s ma y hav e been mitigate d to som e exten t b y th e tendenc y o f th e latte r t o succum b t o th e combination o f socia l pressure s an d a genuin e desir e t o mak e thei r daughters happy . As th e observation s o f th e worrie d Middletow n mothe r quote d above suggest , th e potentia l fo r conflic t migh t als o be reduce d whe n daughters wer e no t entice d dail y b y th e demand s o f socia l lif e i n a

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coeducational hig h school . Sendin g a young woma n t o boarding schoo l could eliminat e man y o f th e source s o f disagreemen t tha t trouble d mothers an d thei r adolescen t daughter s wh o fel t compelle d t o con form t o a peer cultur e oriente d primaril y towar d popularit y wit h th e opposite sex . Fo r example , i n star k contras t t o th e concern s articu lated in Middletown, letters from Jessie Tarbox Beal s to her daughte r Nanette offe r suppor t regardin g th e latter' s schoo l work , urg e he r not t o work to o hard , and encourag e he r t o hav e fun , d o thing s wit h the other girls, and g o out t o Sunday Supper. 13 College daughters , lik e thei r younge r counterparts , engage d i n a variety o f untraditiona l behavior s tha t coul d provok e materna l con cern. The y explicitl y rejecte d th e establishe d middle-clas s America n social customs supporte d b y the older generatio n i n favo r o f th e ne w norms o f th e powerfu l pee r cultur e wit h whic h the y identified . Th e encompassing influenc e o f tha t cultur e fostere d an d supporte d a social lif e tha t redefine d an d restructure d gende r relationships . Ex perimentation wit h se x a s wel l a s cosmetics , bobbe d hair , faddis h clothing, cigarettes , alcohol , an d wil d dancin g generate d anxiou s adul t criticism.14 Whil e thei r mother s migh t objec t t o thei r attitude s an d activities, th e ne w orientatio n o f th e "flappers " reflecte d th e increas ingly democrati c climat e o f middle-clas s famil y relationships , whic h encompassed a growin g concer n fo r children' s emotiona l happines s as wel l a s a tendenc y fo r mother s t o focu s thei r ow n need s fo r amusement an d fulfillmen t o n thei r children. I n th e democratic fam ily, emotiona l tie s an d materna l indulgenc e too k precedenc e ove r authority an d discipline . Love , affection , an d voluntar y parenthoo d were the hallmarks of thi s institution. 15 This famil y climat e ma y hav e fostere d th e tendenc y o f youn g people t o rejec t thei r parents ' values, bu t i t coul d als o suppor t ope n communication betwee n them . Fo r example , on e youn g woma n ca sually tease d he r parent s about their attitudes towar d th e activitie s o f contemporary colleg e students . Sh e wrot e tha t sh e an d he r cousi n had conclude d tha t "th e tale s ou r elder s tel l regardin g th e prank s played i n thei r schoo l day s d o ver y littl e towar d provin g tha t th e modern colleg e yout h i s i n a stat e o f rapi d degeneration." 16 Th e sister of thi s youn g woma n freel y share d th e detail s o f he r socia l lif e in he r letters . O n on e occasio n sh e mentione d tha t sh e ha d bee n spending tim e wit h th e boyfrien d o f a goo d friend , a behavio r tha t

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violated bot h traditiona l norm s an d ne w standards : "W e both realiz e that we hav e n o right because o f Clara . Don' t worry, Mother , I' m stil l fighting an d a s soon a s w e ge t bac k t o school an d h e ca n be with he r again, we'l l just naturall y forge t eac h other. " I n anothe r letter , thi s straightforward youn g woma n commented : "Ther e i s on e thin g I have t o b e thankfu l fo r an d tha t i s tha t I'v e ha d a perfectl y dand y time this year without gettin g in deep with anyone and I can go hom e or anywher e absolutel y sco t fre e t o hav e a goo d tim e wit h anyon e I please." When sh e finally decide d t o get married , sh e announced he r engagement b y writin g " A Playle t i n On e Act, " which sh e maile d t o her parents. 17 Th e casua l an d outspoke n attitud e displaye d b y thi s young woma n typifie d th e college daughter s of th e twenties . Conservative socia l observers , horrifie d b y th e franknes s an d th e absence o f inhibitio n o n th e par t o f youn g women , indicte d th e democratic family . Lik e thei r lat e nineteenth-centur y forerunners , critics frequently blame d materna l permissivenes s an d negligenc e fo r the problem s the y perceived. 18 A s th e compromises mad e by Middle town parent s indicate , man y mother s actuall y ma y hav e enable d daughters t o follo w th e example s se t by their peers . Dat a concernin g the decade s precedin g th e 1920 s als o suppor t th e suggestio n that , like th e "ne w woman, " the "flapper " enjoyed materna l support , eve n though i t wa s sometime s ambivalent . Th e year s immediatel y befor e World Wa r I ha d witnesse d th e blurrin g o f ag e distinction s betwee n middle-aged wome n an d thei r daughter s wit h regar d t o appearance , costume, an d cosmetics . Wome n wer e encourage d t o cultivat e thei r figures, t o wear mor e revealin g styles , and t o buy beauty aids such a s powder, rouge , an d lipstick—an d the y too k thi s advice . Corse t sale s declined, an d th e cosmetic s busines s flourished. Middle-age d ma trons fro m th e middl e an d uppe r classe s followe d th e exampl e o f younger women . The y starte d t o smok e an d drink cocktails . The y also practice d birt h contro l an d sough t divorces. 19 Magazin e article s articulated th e fea r tha t mother s wer e rushin g fro m on e leisur e activity t o anothe r i n imitatio n o f thei r daughters. 20 Thes e earlie r developments, followe d b y th e liberalizin g influence s create d b y th e war, suggest tha t middle-class wome n i n th e twentie s were no t neces sarily shocked o r distressed b y all of th e fad s adopted b y their daughters. Indee d th e pervasivenes s o f som e style s indicate s a t leas t th e

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possibility o f materna l cooperatio n with , i f no t explici t suppor t for , certain fashions. 21 Furthermore, despit e thei r avowedly "naughty " conduct an d thei r deviation fro m conventiona l standard s o f propriety , th e youn g wome n of th e "flapper " generatio n resemble d thei r mother s i n som e basi c ways. The y wer e generall y conservativ e politically , an d the y sup ported th e sam e candidate s thei r parent s supported . The y rea d th e same magazine s an d watche d th e sam e films. Perhap s eve n mor e significantly, althoug h the y claimed th e righ t t o experiment wit h ne w sexual mores , the y stil l regarde d marriag e a s thei r destiny . Unlik e the first two generations o f wome n wh o pursue d highe r education , a majority o f colleg e alumna e i n th e 1920s—i n som e case s a s hig h a s 80 or 9 0 percent—married . An d althoug h man y als o too k jobs, thei r goals were economic an d practica l rather than ideological, whil e thei r work commitment s wer e typicall y short-term. 22 I n som e ways , then , the generatio n ga p betwee n th e "flapper, " whos e crusad e fo r sexua l freedom ultimatel y led to marriage, and her mother wa s smaller tha n the distanc e betwee n th e "ne w woman, " wh o ofte n chos e no t t o marry, and he r mother . Indeed , wher e mother s disapprove d o f thei r daughters' actions , thei r concern s migh t b e expresse d i n term s o f a perceived betraya l o f earlie r feminis t ideal s a s wel l a s i n mor e tradi tional terms. 23 Such concerns wer e apparently wel l founded sinc e by 193 0 colleg e students a t bot h coeducationa l an d women' s institution s wer e re questing hom e economic s courses , an d middle-clas s youn g wome n were articulatin g thei r consciou s rejectio n o f th e ide a o f a caree r i n favor o f marriage . Surve y dat a reveale d tha t 5 5 t o 6 0 percen t o f those interviewe d preferre d marriage ; a majorit y though t tha t i t would b e impossibl e t o combin e th e two. 24 Whil e th e youn g wome n of th e twentie s were committed t o asserting thei r freedo m a s individuals, the y ha d rejecte d th e ideolog y an d structur e o f th e earlie r women's movement . I n the absenc e of an y formal organization , thei r efforts los t focu s an d momentum . Thus , th e misgiving s o f th e socia l commentators wh o deplore d thei r shameles s conduc t an d worrie d about th e wide r impac t o f thei r activitie s wer e neve r realized . Inter generational conflic t certainl y plague d som e families , bu t initia l ma ternal confusio n abou t ho w t o dea l wit h daughter s evidentl y ofte n

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yielded t o a n impuls e t o le t the m enjo y themselves . I n othe r in stances, middle-clas s mother s followe d th e tren d towar d mor e per sonal freedo m tha t ha d emerge d i n th e prewa r year s an d accepte d the ide a tha t wome n coul d an d shoul d dres s an d behav e i n accor dance wit h thei r persona l preferences . Indeed , a s Paul a Fas s ha s observed, fo r som e adul t wome n a t least , "th e pat h o f th e damne d had becom e th e way of th e beautiful." 25 Despite th e apparen t absenc e o f a definitive brea k betwee n mother s and daughters , th e 1920 s ma y hav e ushere d i n a les s dramatic , bu t nevertheless significan t chang e i n th e relationship . Certainl y th e cul tural prestig e o f motherin g an d mother s decline d i n th e contex t o f the proces s of the professionalizatio n o f motherhoo d an d th e empha sis on behavioris t psycholog y tha t characterize d muc h o f th e curren t child-rearing advice. 26 Possibl y intergenerationa l understandin g be came mor e difficul t t o sustai n a s a resul t o f th e natur e o f th e issue s women confronted . Whil e th e "ne w woman's " mother ma y hav e fel t perfectly comfortabl e supportin g he r daughter' s colleg e an d work aspirations, th e mothe r o f th e "flapper " ma y hav e foun d i t muc h harder t o accep t notion s o f gende r equalit y tha t encompasse d com plete sexua l freedo m a s wel l a s educationa l an d caree r opportuni ties. 27 Evidence o f chang e i n th e dynamic s o f th e mother-daughte r rela tionship durin g an d afte r th e 1920 s ca n b e gleane d fro m variou s sources. Observation s i n Middletow n suggeste d tha t th e generatio n gap betwee n parent s an d childre n ha d increase d b y 193 5 a n c ' t n a t adult contro l ove r th e youn g ha d bee n weakene d furthe r a s a resul t of th e disillusionmen t engendere d b y th e Depression . Whil e wome n continued t o worr y abou t thei r effort s t o guid e an d advis e thei r precocious offspring , th e latte r becam e increasingl y sophisticated . For example , whe n a grou p o f Middletow n mother s attempte d t o curtail th e costs of th e social function s sponsore d b y an exclusive hig h school sorority , thei r daughters unite d t o oppose the m an d the moth ers' effor t failed. 28 Obviousl y n o singl e inciden t o r particula r cas e study ca n b e construe d a s documentatio n o f a trend, bu t whil e indi vidual example s remai n quantitativel y insignificant , the y can be qual itatively important. 29 I n thi s sense , then , th e Middletow n sororit y

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episode ma y signa l decreasin g attentio n t o materna l opinion , eve n a new tendency t o disregard it completely, on th e part of young women . Personal document s als o sugges t tha t mother-daughte r interac tions wer e changing . A mor e relaxed , breezy , sometime s flippan t tone appeare d i n daughters ' letters . Fo r example , a youn g woma n who wa s workin g a s a camp counselo r wrot e t o he r mother : "I t wa s nice t o hea r fro m you , t o pu t i t mildly . I' d lik e t o writ e ofte n ver y much, an d I consciousl y remembe r man y interestin g detail s t o tel l you, bu t ala s an d alack , whe n I hav e tw o minute s t o si t dow n an d write, I mus t writ e reports. " Thi s communication , an d a margina l note appende d t o anothe r lette r fro m thi s youn g woman , provid e a distinct contrast t o the dedication reflecte d i n the conscientious letter writing habit s characteristi c o f s o man y middle-clas s America n daughters befor e 1920 . "Father asked m e to address letter s to Mother, " the margina l not e revealed . "I t woul d pleas e her , h e explained." 30 Previously mos t daughters would hav e directed thei r correspondenc e to thei r mother s almos t automatically . Th e substanc e o f thi s note , which implie s tha t th e write r hersel f fel t n o nee d t o correspon d privately with he r mother , suggest s tha t the dynamics o f th e relation ship may indeed hav e changed in the direction of reduced intensity. 31 It ma y als o reflec t th e availabilit y o f th e telephon e a s a mean s o f direct communicatio n betwee n mothe r an d daughter , an d a corre sponding declin e i n th e necessit y fo r lengthy , detaile d writte n com munication a t least fro m th e daughter's poin t of view. 32 Post-1920 daughter s see m t o hav e bee n les s reticen t a s wel l a s more casua l tha n thei r predecessor s wer e i n thei r communication s with thei r mothers . Jane Emmet , wh o suffere d fro m diabetes , freel y expressed he r anger at what she considered materna l overprotective ness whe n he r mothe r sen t th e family' s mai d t o accompan y he r o n a return journey t o boardin g school : "Don' t tr y t o foo l yoursel f tha t I'm sic k becaus e yo u kno w wel l tha t i n ou r famil y I woul d no t b e returning t o schoo l i f I ha d th e slightes t ailment . I thin k it s selfis h when yo u le t you r responsibilit y fo r m e ru n awa y t o suc h a n exten t that i t seriousl y hamper s m y life . . . . I ha d a fe w hope s tha t yo u would hav e out grown some of this since I have been away, but mayb e that's hopin g t o much fro m you." 33 This quotatio n expresse s a mor e substantive an d full y articulate d ange r tha n tha t represented , fo r

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example, b y Mar y Hills' s girlis h objection s t o he r parents ' lenienc y with he r sister. 34 Althoug h the y undoubtedl y fel t similarl y offende d on occasion , fe w youn g wome n i n th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentieth centurie s woul d hav e bee n quit e a s outspoke n i n thei r criticisms o f materna l behavio r a s Jan e Emme t was . No r perhap s would the y hav e describe d thei r socia l conquests as graphically as the young woma n wh o reporte d ver y forthrightl y tha t al l he r friend s were waiting to see whethe r she would hav e a "triumvirate" or choos e one boyfrien d ove r th e other. 35 A growin g emphasi s o n pee r grou p experiences , an d sometime s a corresponding perceptio n o f mother s a s serious adversarie s t o socia l life, offe r furthe r suppor t fo r th e clai m o f chang e i n mother-daugh ter interactions. Diarie s sugges t tha t peer s rathe r tha n mother s dom inated youn g women' s concerns . June Calende r wrot e mainl y abou t her friend s i n th e diarie s sh e kep t betwee n th e age s o f twelv e an d nineteen. Whe n sh e mentione d he r mother , i t was ofte n i n th e con text o f matter s involvin g youn g me n an d socia l life. 36 Adel e Monga n Fasick wa s als o intensel y concerne d abou t thes e matters . A t th e ag e of fifteen , sh e wa s ecstati c whe n a frien d arrange d a blin d dat e fo r her, an d he r mothe r gav e permissio n fo r he r t o accept: "Mo m sai d I could go, " sh e note d i n he r diary . "We'l l probabl y g o ove r t o Ne w York. I'v e neve r bee n o n a date before . . . . I hope t o heaven tha t I'l l make a goo d impressio n an d thin k o f th e righ t things , an d enoug h of the m t o say. " But sh e wa s furiou s when , o n anothe r occasion , he r mother interfere d wit h he r plan s t o leav e hom e earl y an d "wal k around" befor e attendin g a movi e with friend : "Wh y th e hel l can' t they leav e m e alon e . . . I can b e truste d i n Ne w York . Dammit, " sh e complained. Adele's objection s t o parenta l supervisio n wer e intensifie d b y th e perception tha t all her friend s wer e allowe d t o "do things," while he r parents always demanded a reason fo r everything: "To make it worse Mom o f cours e get s ma d whe n I deman d t o kno w wh y I can' t d o some thing s & then get s ma d a t m e fo r gettin g mad . . . . The thin g is they hav e al l th e authorit y & just ignor e m e s o I no t onl y hav e t o obey the m bu t als o t o shu t u p & I hat[e ] t o hav e t o kee p tellin g people 'M y mothe r won' t le t me ' M y God ! I can' t d o hardl y any thing." 37 Althoug h frictio n betwee n a teenage d daughte r an d he r mother wa s hardl y a ne w occurrence , th e emphasi s o n th e impor -

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tance o f pee r grou p norm s distinguishe d Adele' s fram e o f referenc e from tha t o f adolescen t girl s i n earlie r generations . Th e intensit y o f her concer n ove r th e opposit e se x als o reflecte d a ne w attitude . Pondering he r desir e t o lov e "on e boy " completely , sh e wondere d whether sh e ha d eve r reall y love d anyon e an d observed , " I ver y seldom thin k o f Da d & Mom thoug h I' m o f cours e fon d o f them." 38 These introspectiv e thought s offe r a n interestin g compariso n t o th e sentiments o f Ell a Lyma n Cabot , whos e lov e fo r he r parent s cause d her t o hesitat e fo r si x year s befor e acceptin g a proposa l o f mar nage. 39 If casua l adolescen t socia l lif e hampere d mother-daughte r com munication i n new ways, serious courtship matters could als o be mor e complicated i n th e decades followin g 192 0 tha n the y ha d bee n previ ously. A youn g woma n migh t b e les s incline d t o accep t materna l guidance an d les s likel y t o rely o n materna l support . Th e diar y o f Helene Harmo n Wei s recount s he r resentmen t ove r he r mother' s intrusion int o he r romanc e wit h a "cute photographe r a t Wanamak er's" who m sh e ha d me t casuall y whe n h e wa s commissione d t o photograph a pagean t i n whic h sh e participated . Helen e ha d n o objection t o he r mother' s accompanyin g he r t o mee t th e gentlema n in questio n whe n h e invite d he r t o join hi m fo r dinner , bu t sh e wa s angry tha t he r mothe r insiste d o n remainin g wit h them : "W e ha d a good tim e bu t sh e monopolize d th e conversatio n so ; the y talke d o f war and politics . I had wishe d t o talk to him of quite differen t things . It would hav e bee n th e first tim e tha t I had eve r gon e ou t t o dinne r with a man , jus t tw o o f us . I suppos e I shal l neve r tel l he r ho w disappointed I was." 40 While sh e too k exceptio n t o he r mother' s attempt s t o overse e thi s relationship, o n a t leas t on e occasion , sh e expresse d th e nee d fo r some sor t of guidance : " I said t o her [he r mother ] tha t I would thin k her justified i n forebiddin g m e t o visi t hi m an d sh e sai d tha t the n I might deceiv e he r an d se e hi m o n th e sly. " Helene finally ende d th e relationship, deciding tha t she could no t "give in to him" because sh e was afrai d o f "hel l fire, " th e lac k o f control , an d th e possibilit y o f being snubbe d b y othe r people . Sh e wa s als o worrie d abou t hurtin g her mother . He r distres s an d confusio n wer e compounde d b y th e fact tha t sh e misse d "bein g kisse d an d cuddle d an d considere d an d admired," an d sh e experience d difficult y reconcilin g hersel f t o th e

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decision sh e ha d made : "Mothe r sai d tha t neve r t o hav e love d wa s better tha n illici t lov e bu t i t isn't , o h i t isn't . I hav e don e wha t sh e asked thi s tim e bu t anothe r tim e I ma y not . Oh , i f only m y lif e wer e all m y own t o dispose o f an d s o man y peopl e wouldn' t be affected b y what I do."41 When "anothe r time " arrived, Helen e persevere d i n he r determi nation t o ge t marrie d despit e he r mother' s adaman t disapprova l o n economic an d practica l grounds : "Sh e [he r mother ] sai d I wanted t o get marrie d becaus e i t wa s i n th e air, " Helen e complained. 42 Afte r several storm y month s durin g whic h eve n he r fiance becam e con vinced tha t h e wa s ruinin g he r life , th e trouble d youn g woma n con fided t o he r diary : " I love d m y mothe r fo r ove r 2 0 year s bu t tonigh t I d o no t lov e her . I wil l lov e he r agai n I kno w bu t th e futur e i s unforeseen." Thi s entr y continued : "Mothe r frightene d m e tonigh t — I really thought sh e migh t kil l me. I looked int o her face and it was the face of a stranger."43 Helene' s anguish over this conflict persisted , but i t di d no t preven t th e marriage , nor , apparently , di d i t resul t i n any permanen t mother-daughte r estrangement. 44 This youn g woman' s situatio n offer s a strikin g contras t t o th e comfortable confidence s exchange d b y mother s an d daughter s be tween 188 0 an d 1920 , an d t o th e credenc e formerl y give n t o mater nal advice on th e subject of courtship . S o does tha t of June Calender , whose diary recount s he r agony ove r a broken engagemen t whe n sh e was twenty-one , wit h n o mentio n o f an y discussio n wit h he r mothe r about it. 45 Ye t neithe r o f thes e mother-daughte r relationship s seem s to hav e bee n essentiall y incompatible . Helen e Harmo n appreciate d the fac t tha t he r friend s fel t welcom e i n he r home : "That' s s o muc h Mother's fault , though , I a m trul y grateful, " sh e noted . Sh e enjoye d attending opera , concerts , an d th e theate r wit h he r mother , an d sh e admired th e latter's ability t o cope with her new responsibilitie s whe n she wa s widowed . Bu t sh e believe d tha t the y coul d no t communicat e about matter s o f th e heart . "Mothe r sai d tha t n o gir l woul d wai t 3 0 years wit h suc h a n exampl e o f lov e an d devotio n befor e her, " sh e observed afte r the y ha d attende d a productio n o f Eugen e O'Neill' s Different. "We got talkin g abou t lov e bu t I quickly backe d dow n fo r I saw tha t I coul d no t tal k t o he r abou t wha t I thin k lov e shoul d mean." 46 June Calende r als o enjoyed he r mother's company, an d sh e looked forwar d t o th e time s the y spen t alone , ofte n whil e he r fathe r

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and brothe r attende d a sport s even t o r a movi e together. 47 Th e marked contradiction s i n thes e mother-daughte r interaction s sug gests a new complexity i n the relationshi p tha t may have straine d th e limits o f th e kin d o f mutua l understandin g enjoye d b y earlier moth ers and daughters . Changes i n materna l conduc t a s well a s i n th e behavio r o f daugh ters coul d als o alte r element s o f th e mother-daughte r relationship . An apparently ne w materna l behavior, the overt expression o f instru mental interes t i n expeditin g a daughter' s succes s wit h th e opposit e sex, illustrate s suc h a change . Thus , fo r example , Jun e Calender' s diary document s he r mother' s undisguise d interes t i n he r socia l life : "Mom says Elmer Pollard passe s here just starring at the house"; "I'm sure Mo m woul d b e a s pleased a s I would i f Jim shoul d as k m e fo r a date. Sh e believes , an d confidentiall y s o d o I , tha t Jim secretl y like s me"; an d "N o soone r ha d Mo m shu t th e doo r the n sh e whispere d quite loudl y Jun e he' s cute ..... I hope h e like s you.' " 48 This youn g woman wa s please d b y he r mother' s interest , an d sh e wa s gla d tha t they coul d discus s suc h things . "I t i s ver y wonderfu l tha t w e ar e s o alike," she noted. 49 Bu t simila r materna l behavio r mad e Adel e Mon gan uncomfortable : "Mothe r was telling me toda y ho w Ursul a O'Keef e always had 3 or 4 boys walking her hom e fro m schoo l & she wonder s why I don't , (a t leas t sh e didn' t com e righ t ou t & sa y s o bu t that' s what she meant ) Well so do I wonder but I wish she wouldn't becaus e it make s m e fee l sorr y fo r mysel f whic h i s silly . I'v e go t th e notio n that I'l l mak e mysel f famou s & thus i n som e wa y wip e ou t th e stai n (of unpopularity) o n m y honor." 50 Turn-of-the-century mother s certainl y expresse d interes t i n thei r daughters' socia l lives , an d sometime s participate d quit e actively , a s in th e cas e o f Mau d Rittenhouse' s mother . Bu t thei r involvemen t appears t o hav e take n mor e o f a reactiv e for m rathe r tha n an y proactive, explici t promotio n o f popularit y wit h th e opposit e sex . While thi s ne w materna l behavio r migh t deligh t a daughter, i t coul d also generat e uncomfortabl e pressur e fo r socia l succes s an d thu s distress a n insecur e youn g woman , a s th e followin g exampl e indi cates: "Whe n m y mothe r go t hom e tonight , I wa s up . W e talke d about th e dance an d sh e tol d m e I should as k th e boy s t o dance, an d I should sta y near the boys. I told he r it wasn't so easy/' 51 Another potentiall y significan t behaviora l change , i n the for m o f a

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role reversal , distinguishe d post-192 0 mother-daughte r interactions . While mutua l suppor t an d understandin g characterize d earlie r rela tionships, typicall y mother s serve d mor e overtl y an d consciousl y a s the enabling figures, protectin g daughters' interests and empowerin g them t o expan d thei r horizons . I n th e contex t o f th e change s i n women's live s durin g th e decade s afte r 1920 , daughter s coul d als o find themselve s fulfillin g thes e function s fo r thei r mothers . A s a result o f he r parents ' divorce, Jane Emme t acquire d thi s responsibil ity while sh e wa s stil l i n college . Sh e wrot e long , supportiv e letter s t o her mother , wh o ha d filed fo r divorc e in Reno , Nevada , assuring he r of th e strengt h o f thei r relationshi p a s individuals an d sympathizin g with her situation: "I do hope tim e does no t drag too much out there, & that you'r e no t to o lonesome." 52 Sh e als o encourage d he r mothe r to pursu e a n apparen t interes t i n movin g t o Washingto n t o see k " a new and interestin g job t o set your teet h in. " And sh e articulated he r anxiety abou t he r mother' s welfar e a s wel l a s he r ow n feeling s o f responsibility fo r it . "M a is tired & nervous I' m afraid . . . . She i s still worried abou t wha t t o d o & wher e t o g o thi s winter . . . . I kee p wishing I coul d d o mor e t o hel p her, " she wrot e t o he r brother . I n another letter , sh e commented , "I t doesn't see m quit e fai r whe n yo u think o f Da d [wh o wa s remarried] wit h a wife an d family , an d M a all alone, o r i n th e Herter' s maid' s roo m [a s a guest]." 53 Th e possibilit y of Mrs . Emmet' s remarriag e introduce d anothe r dilemm a fo r Jane , who found he r propose d stepfathe r "pompou s and a bore," although she wa s please d t o se e tha t he r mothe r seeme d happier . Eventuall y she conceded tha t h e "reall y is damn nice" and afte r muc h emotiona l anguish an d soul-searching , sh e accepte d th e situation a s "a perfectl y normal, natura l thing." 54 Daughters i n th e lat e twentiet h centur y frequentl y find themselve s required t o provid e mora l suppor t fo r mother s wh o ar e engage d i n restructuring thei r live s afte r a divorce , bu t thi s situatio n wa s rela tively uncommo n unti l recently . Jane Emme t experience d emotiona l problems o f he r own , fo r whic h sh e consulte d a therapist a s opposed to her mother—another interestin g change. She noted that she could not discuss her difficulties wit h either paren t since "although the y are only symptoms of m y trouble, I guess they were contributory ones." 55 As thi s exampl e indicates , a newl y articulate d materna l nee d fo r emotional an d mora l suppor t migh t alte r th e mother-daughte r rela -

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tionship i n a t leas t tw o fundamenta l an d relate d ways : it could plac e a daughte r rathe r tha n he r mothe r i n th e positio n o f mentor , an d i t could caus e he r t o seek suppor t fo r he r own problem s fro m a sourc e other tha n he r mother . The letter s o f August a Sali k Dubli n t o Mar y Dubli n Keyserlin g offer anothe r interestin g exampl e o f rol e reversal . Thes e letter s re veal th e fascinatin g cas e o f a thoughtfu l middle-age d woma n wh o turned t o he r daughte r fo r suppor t whe n sh e experience d wha t lat e twentieth-century American s defin e a s a midlif e crisis . Anticipatin g Betty Frieda n an d th e definitio n o f th e feminin e mystique , Mrs . Dublin deplore d th e fac t tha t as a result o f he r husband' s "dominat ing tendencies, " sh e ha d sacrifice d he r persona l ambition s "o n th e altar o f famil y peace. " Sh e lamente d "th e utte r & complete frustra tion o f m y persona l life , m y lif e a s an individua l an d a s a member o f society apart from m y family relationships, " which she blamed o n he r own failur e t o stand u p for he r "rights as an individual.. . n o matte r what i t migh t lea d to. " And sh e summarize d he r situatio n i n term s that strike th e contemporary reade r as all too familiar : "S o here I am at th e prim e o f lif e stil l wit h a min d tha t i s no t to o ba d an d wit h a certain amoun t o f ability , withou t a n ancho r i n th e worl d o f affairs . . . . I am fifty and gra y and have no references o f work accomplished . So ther e i s no plac e fo r m e suc h a s I want now." 56 Whil e neithe r th e conscious articulatio n o f suc h concern s no r th e graphi c communica tion o f the m t o daughter s wa s necessaril y typical durin g th e middl e decades o f th e century , Mrs . Dublin' s relianc e o n Mar y a s he r confi dante i n thes e matter s illustrate s th e sam e directio n o f chang e sug gested b y Jane Emmet' s experiences . Mary apparentl y ros e t o the occasion. A s he r mothe r continue d t o confide he r problems , sh e gratefull y acknowledge d he r daughter' s constructive advice . I n on e letter , fo r example , sh e reassure d Mar y that sh e fel t "somewha t mor e incline d t o se e fact s a s such. " Othe r letters noted that , at her daughter's suggestion, she was concentratin g on "m y furthe r educatio n jus t fo r th e pleasur e o f it, " an d tha t th e latter's interest i n her "intellectua l progress " was "most gratifying." 57 One ca n onl y imagin e a nineteenth-centur y daughter' s reactio n t o the candi d materna l revelatio n tha t whil e he r parents ' relationshi p lacked th e spiritua l comradeshi p tha t characterize d tha t o f Elizabet h and Rober t Browning , ther e wa s a certai n "affectio n an d devotion "

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between them! 58 Wher e a woman formerl y migh t hav e take n refug e from marita l disappointment s i n illnes s o r suppresse d the m throug h involvement i n chil d care , clubs , an d benevolen t endeavors , thi s cas e suggests another avenue : no w she migh t confide i n a daughter whos e own increasingl y sophisticate d an d worldl y experience s woul d enabl e her to offer relevan t advic e as well a s a sympathetic ear . Possibly th e abilit y o f daughter s t o adapt t o this type of rol e rever sal reflect s som e diminutio n o f th e overal l intensit y o f th e mother daughter relationshi p i n the context of post-192 0 developments. Th e dominant influenc e o f a powerfu l pee r culture , th e heav y emphasi s on heterosexua l companionship , an d a putatively mor e extensive rol e assumed b y father s i n middle-clas s child-rearin g ma y hav e reduce d somewhat th e degre e t o whic h bot h mother s an d daughter s investe d emotionally i n th e relationship . I f youn g wome n looke d primaril y t o their peer s a s role models , the y ma y hav e distance d themselve s fro m their mother s mor e tha n thei r predecessor s ha d done . I f the y foun d fathers emotionally accessible , the y no longer necessarily relied exclusively o n materna l psychi c support . I n turn , thes e change s ma y hav e meant tha t wome n di d no t hav e t o fee l wholl y responsibl e fo r meet ing thei r daughters ' needs , indee d tha t the y coul d legitimatel y tur n to the m fo r support , an d tha t daughter s coul d vie w thei r mother s somewhat objectively , a s individual s with interest s an d problem s o f their own. 59 Objectivity o f thi s sor t migh t lea d a daughter t o question bot h th e value o f domesticit y an d th e meanin g o f he r mother' s lif e i n a ne w way. Adele Monga n pondere d he r mother's overt distaste fo r domestic tasks : "Mo m ofte n say s sh e wishe s sh e wer e teachin g agai n an d never ha d t o kee p house." 60 June Calende r foun d i t har d t o under stand ho w an y woma n coul d tolerat e cookin g an d th e othe r routin e tasks o f homemaking ; sh e ha d n o intentio n o f marryin g "an y ma n who can' t a t leas t affor d t o hir e a cook an d housekeeper." 61 Perhap s most significantly , Helen e Harmo n wante d desperatel y t o b e differ ent fro m he r mother : " I hav e a fea r o f turnin g int o th e kin d o f person Mothe r is , wh o suddenl y i n middl e ag e remember s al l th e things sh e wante d whe n sh e wa s young, " sh e asserted. 62 Wher e ear lier daughters ' comment s o n thei r mothers ' lives migh t reflec t admi ration fo r thei r manageria l skill s o r concer n abou t potentia l exhaus tion fro m thei r duties , thes e example s conve y a less positive , mor e

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skeptical ton e an d a sens e o f consciou s distancin g fro m materna l models. Her e post-192 0 daughters definitely differe d fro m thei r pre decessors. Th e "ne w women" who rejecte d marriag e di d s o primaril y because cultura l constraint s compelle d the m t o choos e betwee n pro fessional aspiration s an d traditiona l famil y life , rathe r tha n becaus e their observation s o f thei r mother s resulte d i n an y evaluatio n o f domesticity a s intrinsically negative—o r eve n temporaril y irrelevant , as Jan e Emme t implie d whe n sh e explaine d he r decisio n t o leav e home afte r he r mother' s remarriage . Observin g tha t "home " no w meant somethin g i n th e futur e fo r her , she commented: " I think thi s is a prett y prevalen t feelin g amon g thos e o f m y generatio n an d th e divorce, th e War , an d bot h you r & Dad's marryin g agai n are , i n m y case, onl y partl y responsible. " Assurin g he r mothe r tha t sh e di d no t feel "cu t off" fro m he r or from he r stepfather, sh e maintained never theless tha t "th e leve l o f day-to-da y life " wit h the m "wouldn' t b e a very rea l way of pursuin g m y life." 63 To som e extent , article s i n popula r periodical s reiterate d olde r themes concerning problem s between mother s an d daughters durin g the decade s followin g 1920 . Bu t thi s literatur e als o proffere d som e evidence o f change . Lik e simila r discussion s publishe d durin g th e previous fort y years , post-192 0 article s suggeste d tha t th e relation ship wa s an importan t on e an d projecte d th e expectatio n tha t moth ers and daughters should be able to communicate wit h one another. 64 They als o emphasize d materna l responsibilit y fo r th e healt h an d strength o f th e relationship. 65 Whil e earlie r article s ha d reflecte d contemporary societa l anxiet y abou t th e change s i n women' s live s i n the er a o f th e "ne w woman, " thi s late r commentar y addresse d th e new problem s generate d b y development s suc h a s th e adven t o f th e "flapper" an d th e growin g emphasi s o n date s an d popularit y wit h the opposite sex. 66 Mothers had once been hel d responsibl e fo r insur ing tha t daughter s wer e ladylike , bu t no w the y coul d b e calle d upo n to mak e the m beautifu l an d popular , a s well a s moral, an d the y wer e still expected t o train them t o be good wives. 67 Earlier periodica l discussion s ha d focuse d heavil y o n ho w wome n should improv e themselve s i n orde r t o maintai n mother-daughte r harmony, urgin g them , fo r example , t o kee p themselve s youn g an d approachable an d t o avoi d nagging , whil e a t th e sam e tim e admon ishing the m t o disciplin e thei r offsprin g properly . B y th e 1920 s an d

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beyond, article s seeme d t o concentrat e mor e o n prescribin g appro priate materna l response s t o specifi c externa l influence s suc h a s th e pressure o f datin g mores. 68 Thi s shif t i n emphasi s reflect s th e ne w issues tha t confronte d mother s an d daughter s durin g th e post-192 0 decades. I t als o highlight s th e possibilit y that , i n respons e t o thes e powerful outsid e forces , daughters were pulling away from th e intensity tha t ha d characterize d earlie r mother-daughte r interactions . Whereas youn g wome n an d thei r mother s ma y hav e bee n relativel y isolated withi n th e parameter s o f th e domesti c spher e throughou t much o f th e nineteent h century , an d ofte n allie d wit h on e anothe r against conservativ e socia l force s (whic h coul d includ e husband s an d fathers) durin g th e er a o f th e "ne w woman, " no w daughter s migh t respond t o externa l standard s o f conduct , particularl y thos e o f thei r peer group . An d the y migh t als o tur n t o othe r sources , suc h a s friends and , t o some extent , father s fo r suppor t an d validation . Despite th e evidenc e o f difference s betwee n lat e nineteenth - an d early twentieth-centur y mother-daughte r interaction s an d thos e O f succeeding generations , th e diversit y o f experience s afte r 192 0 suggests tha t claim s o f chang e i n th e relationshi p shoul d no t b e overstated. Element s o f traditiona l mother-daughte r solidarit y an d mutuality persisted , eve n a s new influences straine d femal e intergen erational tie s i n unaccustome d ways . Althoug h post-192 0 relation ships reveale d pattern s o f change , clea r evidenc e o f continuit y ca n also be discerned . Like thei r turn-of-the-centur y predecessors , late r mother s too k particular pleasure in raising daughters. Helen e Harmo n Weis's mother documented tha t pleasur e i n a bab y boo k wher e sh e recorde d he r daughter's earl y accomplishment s an d reproduce d he r conversation s in bab y talk . Sh e als o save d magazin e article s dealin g wit h variou s aspects o f bab y car e an d note d th e name s o f relevan t book s o n thi s subject.69 Although Rut h Robinso n ha d fou r sons , her two daughter s held a special plac e i n he r life . Just befor e th e older daughter' s thir d birthday, he r mothe r noted : "M y day s ar e s o happ y becaus e o f Sa n [nickname fo r he r daughter Anne] . Sh e i s so sweet—so loveable—s o gentle an d suc h fun . Al l m y boy s ar e a t schoo l an d Sa n i s a com fort."70 Shortl y afte r he r husban d wa s kille d whil e servin g i n th e navy, she wrote : "Both m y little girls are the greatest comfort—The y

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hate to see m e sad, " and severa l month s later she observed, "M y little girls ar e m y lif e her e an d I a m s o luck y t o hav e the m an d thei r interests t o kee p m e occupied. " I n a particularl y eloquen t tribut e t o Anne, sh e commented : " I lov e he r terrifically . . . . Instea d o f m y bringing Sa n up I feel I learn something fro m her." 71 Impelled b y ver y traditiona l child-rearin g goals , Rut h Robinso n was anxious t o rais e he r daughter s properly , t o avoi d spoilin g them , and t o encourag e the m t o b e "unselfish." 72 Sh e wa s distresse d whe n Sally misbehave d i n church , an d whe n twelve-year-ol d Ann e eithe r wanted t o go out or t o invite friends t o visit every evening. A t the ag e of seventeen , Sall y wa s a constant sourc e o f worry ; sh e wa s thought less, an d sh e staye d ou t al l nigh t withou t callin g he r mother , wh o lamented th e fact tha t her younger daughter wa s "just going he r ow n way hatin g me—It' s har d an d i t hurts." 73 Whil e typica l adolescen t resentment appear s t o have bee n involve d here , Sally' s behavior als o suggested a ne w nonchalanc e abou t materna l opinion , an d a disre gard for it. Mrs. Robinson' s effor t t o understan d he r daughter' s hostilit y clearl y reflects a mid-twentiet h century , psychologicall y oriente d fram e o f reference: " I fee l tha t th e reaso n Sall y dislike s m e s o muc h a t th e m o m e n t . . . i s because she feel s completely a n adult. . . . I n one sens e she i s independen t bu t doe s no t kno w ho w t o contro l herself... . I t takes practic e an d tim e an d I believe whe n sh e i s awa y fro m m e sh e will se e Ale x [he r stepfather ] an d m e i n a differen t light." 74 Bu t i n essence, her relationship with Anne and Sally differed ver y little fro m those of previou s mother s and daughters. Despit e thei r conflicts wit h her, Ann e an d Sall y reciprocate d thei r mother' s affection . A s teen agers, they wrote affectionate birthda y poem s fo r her . As adults, the y expressed thei r appreciatio n fo r he r lov e an d support . An d sh e con tinued t o articulat e he r prid e i n he r daughters , t o prais e thei r achievements, an d t o tak e comfor t i n thei r presence. 75 Thi s family' s experiences, then , illustrat e strengt h an d continuit y i n th e mother daughter relationshi p despit e th e challenge s pose d b y ne w influ ences. The experience s o f Rut h Teischman , wh o recorde d he r relation ship wit h he r mothe r i n a diary sh e kep t whe n sh e wa s abou t twelv e years old , als o conve y a sense o f continuit y wit h earlie r patterns . A n intense youn g woma n wh o feare d tha t her fathe r wa s jealous becaus e

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she an d he r mothe r wer e s o affectionat e wit h one another , sh e artic ulated he r stron g attachment t o her mothe r in expressive detail , a s in her description o f a conversation abou t death: "Somehow i t came ou t (I said ) tha t m y mothe r woul d liv e unti l 14 4 an d m e 116 . . . . Now i t has t o com e true . I hav e t o sho w m y mothe r tha t I wasn' t kiddin g what I said . I als o wan t i t t o com e tru e becaus e I lov e he r s o muc h and don' t wan t t o be sa d whe n sh e die s and vic e versa. S o if you d o a little math , you' d find tha t w e woul d di e th e sam e second , tim e an d place. I adore he r so much." 76 Ruth's diar y contain s othe r expression s o f he r affectio n fo r he r mother (an d fo r he r father ) a s wel l a s evidenc e o f typica l mother daughter frictio n ove r trivia l matters. 77 Nevertheless , intimac y an d harmony, rathe r tha n conflic t an d antagonism , clearl y define d thei r relationship. Thi s youn g woman' s mothe r wa s extremel y importan t to her ; eve n mino r dispute s betwee n the m distresse d her. 78 Possibl y their relationshi p change d significantl y a s Rut h gre w up , bu t th e essential image s reflecte d i n he r diary diffe r ver y littl e fro m th e images of typical interactions between middle-clas s mother s and early adolescent daughter s a t the tur n of th e century and earlier. 79 Other example s sugges t a simila r resemblanc e betwee n post-192 0 relationships an d th e experience s o f earlie r mother s an d daughters . An extensiv e collectio n o f letter s document s approximatel y thirt y years o f clos e communicatio n betwee n Minni e Millett e an d he r daughter Nancy , an d illustrate s th e sam e sor t o f mother-daughte r intimacy enjoye d b y turn-of-th e centur y women . Mrs . Millette , wh o had los t he r ow n mothe r a s a child , wrot e lengthy , frequent , an d affectionate letter s t o Nanc y a t Oberli n Colleg e an d als o afte r he r graduation an d marriage. 80 Lik e earlier mother-daughte r correspon dence, thes e letter s encompassed a wide rang e of domestic an d socia l concerns. Mrs. Millett e misse d he r daughte r an d worrie d abou t he r health. 81 Sh e offere d typica l materna l advic e o n clothin g an d eti quette wit h tac t an d humor . "Thi s i s advice , ski p dow n t o en d o f parentheses i f yo u wish, " sh e wrot e o n on e occasion. 82 Nanc y sen t her laundr y hom e fro m Oberli n a s Hild a Worthingto n Smit h ha d done when she attended Bry n Mawr. 83 She also consulted her mothe r about mor e seriou s matters , suc h a s he r desir e t o marr y befor e sh e finished college . Although thi s desir e clearl y separate s Nanc y Millett e fro m earlie r

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generations o f colleg e student s wh o woul d hav e foun d suc h a pla n inconceivable, he r relianc e o n materna l advic e link s he r wit h them . Similarly, th e conten t o f he r mother' s fourteen-pag e respons e dis tances he r fro m th e mother s o f th e "ne w women, " bu t he r involve ment i n th e decision connect s he r t o them. Diplomaticall y presentin g her repl y a s "merel y m y proces s o f thinkin g pu t int o words " rathe r than "advice, " Mrs. Millett e wrote: "I would conside r m y undergrad uate wor k m y first consideratio n . . . colleg e i s a privileg e tha t wil l never come again . . .. Marriag e can easily last for fifty years—colleg e days—undergraduate day s are so short." She also stressed th e importance o f bein g prepare d t o ear n a living "i f th e futur e shoul d brin g such a necessity," on th e grounds that there could b e n o guarantee o f parental financial support , give n curren t economi c conditions. 84 Whil e this advice clearly reflected th e influence o f contemporary socia l forces , particularly th e Depression , th e intimac y o f th e communicatio n i t represented di d not differ fundamentall y fro m interchange s betwee n mothers an d daughter s i n previou s decades . No r di d Mrs . Millette' s defense o f Nancy' s goo d judgmen t i n th e fac e o f he r husband' s distress ove r thi s matte r diffe r fro m th e behavio r o f earlie r mother s who had ofte n aligne d themselve s with daughters. 85 Mrs. Millett e als o followe d Nancy' s academi c experience s care fully: "Ever y detai l i s of interest, " she wrote . "Tel l m e everything— I am s o interested." 86 Lik e th e mother s o f Hild a Worthingto n Smit h and Louise Bosworth , she was enthusiastic about her daughter's scholastic efforts : "Remember , I wan t t o rea d th e paper s fo r Politica l Science an d fo r you r Ar t course . Als o th e advance d Comp . papers. " And lik e th e mother s o f Blanch e Ame s an d othe r earl y colleg e stu dents, she provided mora l support when Nanc y becam e discouraged : "Your letter cam e toda y an d eve n i f i t told abou t unsatisfactor y blu e books—and you r los s o f fait h i n yourself , m y appraisa l o f yo u stil l remains as high as ever. So there!" 87 This clos e relationshi p continue d afte r Nancy' s marriage . Lik e earlier mother s an d daughters , the y discusse d domesti c matter s i n detail. Mrs . Millett e enjoye d Nancy' s description s o f he r developin g culinary expertise, assure d he r that it was not difficult t o put a zipper into a garment , an d urge d he r t o trea t hersel f t o th e ne w coa t sh e wanted t o buy.88 They also exchanged opinion s about world affairs. 89 Expressions o f materna l concer n abou t Nancy' s welfar e an d advic e

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on a wid e variet y o f subject s appeare d frequentl y i n Mrs . Millette' s letters. 90 Nanc y wa s affectionate , attentive , an d reassurin g a s he r mother aged. 91 Despit e obviou s reflection s o f th e specifi c societa l context—the impac t o f th e Depressio n o n Mrs . Millette' s fram e o f reference, fo r example—thi s relationshi p doe s no t see m t o hav e differed significantl y fro m earlie r mother-daughte r interactions . Minnie Millett e wa s no t uniqu e i n he r adherenc e t o th e traditio n of mother-daughte r correspondence . Mar y Tyn g Higgins' s mother , who wa s a missionar y i n China , closel y followe d th e detail s o f he r daughter's lif e i n the Unite d State s and offere d advic e on a variety o f domestic matter s i n frequen t letter s addresse d affectionately , "Dar ling Mary." 92 Sh e appreciate d Mary' s weekl y letters , an d too k grea t pleasure i n he r daughter' s family. 93 Previously , whe n Mar y an d he r husband (wh o wa s also a missionary) ha d bee n interne d b y th e Japanese, he r mothe r ha d kep t a diary , " a letter a day," fo r he r "s o yo u will kno w w e think o f yo u everyda y an d pra y for you always." 94 The parallel s betwee n post-192 0 relationship s an d thos e o f th e preceding decade s extende d beyon d th e comfort s o f sharin g th e details o f dail y life . A s i n th e past , materna l advocac y an d assistanc e could stil l be th e crucia l variabl e i n a daughter's abilit y t o pursue he r own ambition s o r t o endur e he r lo t i n life . Despit e he r ow n midlif e anxieties, August a Sali k Dubli n supporte d he r daughte r Mary' s as pirations fo r postgraduat e stud y eve n whe n th e family' s straitene d financial circumstance s mad e thi s ver y difficult . Sh e too k prid e i n Mary's successfu l caree r an d praise d th e article s an d speeche s sh e wrote. 95 Barbar a Wooddal l Taylor' s mothe r wa s "wonderful " t o he r pregnant daughte r whos e husban d wa s oversea s durin g Worl d Wa r II. 96 An d Edn a Ranki n McKinnon' s perpetua l emotiona l an d financial suppor t bolstere d he r daughte r Doroth y throug h year s o f frus tration a s sh e trie d t o cop e wit h a disappointin g marriag e an d th e repeated failure s o f he r efforts t o write fiction. 97 Thus daughter s continue d t o rely o n thei r mothers ' hel p i n bot h traditional an d ne w contexts . A s on e nineteen-year-ol d daughte r ob served afte r havin g a toot h extracted , "Fel t AWFUL—wen t 'hom e t o Mother.' Ah me , n o one ca n eas e th e discomfort bette r than she." On another occasion , thi s sam e youn g woma n referre d quit e casuall y t o a ver y differen t kin d o f materna l aid . Describin g a n excursio n t o th e beach, sh e note d i n he r diary : "Mothe r drov e u s i n th e Stude -

"MOTHER DROV E U S I N TH E STUDEBAKER " 19

1

baker."98 Th e juxtaposition o f thi s imag e o f a completel y ne w kin d of materna l suppor t with th e mor e traditiona l on e o f comfor t an d nurture suggest s a n interestin g combinatio n o f chang e an d continu ity withi n th e sam e relationship . I t als o suggest s tha t th e socia l an d cultural force s tha t influence d youn g women' s live s afte r 192 0 als o changed th e lives of thei r mother s an d enable d a t least some o f the m to bridg e th e generatio n ga p discerne d b y th e observer s o f Middle town families . Despite th e increase d importanc e o f peers , daughter s stil l ex pressed affectio n fo r thei r mother s an d confide d i n them . Jane Em met addressed he r mothe r fondl y a s "Mootzig," "Moo," and "Mootz, " and share d he r privat e concern s wit h her , urgin g "Pleas e don't rea d this letter aloud." 99 Similarly in a "very personal" letter to her mothe r from camp , anothe r youn g woma n wrote : "Whe n I ge t Home , I' m going t o mak e yo u si t down b y m e an d liste n t o thing s tha t I have t o tell you , thing s tha t a perso n can' t writ e a lette r about." 100 An d mothers confide d i n daughter s a s well , i n ne w way s a s suggeste d previously, an d i n mor e traditiona l ways , fo r example , sharin g thei r worries regarding sibling s and grandchildren. 101 Both women' s persona l document s an d othe r source s sugges t tha t the traditiona l tie s betwee n mother s an d daughter s endure d a s ne w social an d cultura l issue s aros e durin g th e post-192 0 period . Frivo lous and mor e substantiv e concern s continue d t o lin k th e tw o femal e generations i n middle-class families . Lik e those of thei r predecessors , their letter s containe d socia l gossi p an d discussion s o f ne w dresses . They stil l consulte d on e anothe r abou t variou s traditiona l domesti c matters, as well as about newer dilemmas. Mother s continued t o offe r both solicite d an d unsolicite d advice , t o worr y abou t th e healt h o f their offspring , t o complai n t o daughter s abou t th e behavio r o f sib lings, an d t o disagre e wit h thei r husband s o n behal f o f daughters . They supporte d an d encourage d daughter s i n thei r academi c an d professional endeavors , an d i n their persona l live s as well. The evidenc e also suggests that at least some aspect s of th e middle class mother-daughte r relationshi p ma y hav e bee n altere d i n th e course o f th e fou r decade s followin g 1920 . Ne w influence s appar ently diffuse d som e o f th e relationship' s forme r intensity . Som e daughters foun d themselve s i n th e positio n o f mentor s fo r thei r

1Q2 "MOTHE

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mothers. Thes e preliminar y conclusion s meri t furthe r study : i t i s important t o determine whethe r th e social and cultura l changes tha t distinguished th e post-192 0 perio d fro m th e fou r decade s tha t pre ceded i t actually distanced mother s and daughters from on e another, or whethe r thes e changes represente d mor e a change of venue tha n a disruption o f fundamental connections . Distinct evidence of continuity in certain aspects of mother-daugh ter interactions, along with wide variation i n women's individual per sonalities and experiences , clearly preclude s the claim that th e 1920 s ushered i n an y sor t o f complet e reversa l o f earlie r patterns . Never theless, i t i s importan t t o recogniz e an d acknowledg e th e sign s o f change that distinguished th e middle-class mother-daughter relation ship i n th e decade s afte r 1920 . Perhap s th e erosio n o f th e publi c sense o f collectiv e femal e communit y tha t ha d evolve d i n Victoria n America an d culminate d i n th e successfu l campaig n fo r suffrag e affected women' s privat e live s a s well, and thu s promote d th e mod eration o f th e earlie r intensit y i n mother-daughte r interactions . A s the feminis t movemen t experience d wha t has been described a s "the doldrums" following th e ratificatio n o f th e Nineteent h Amendment , Americans generall y turne d thei r attentio n t o othe r issues—th e Depression an d anothe r war , fo r example—an d thi s contex t ma y have been les s conducive t o the degree of intimacy that mothers an d daughters ha d enjoye d previously. 102 Th e Col d Wa r domestic ideol ogy of th e fifties, which emphasize d "containment " and th e securit y of family lif e as a bulwark against a variety of threatening forces, may have als o contributed t o a tendency o n th e par t o f young wome n t o look elsewher e fo r confidante s a s their mother s becam e increasingl y enmeshed i n the feminine mystiqu e and a stifling domesticity. 103 The extent o f th e chang e i n th e mother-daughte r relationship , an d it s precise origins must b e pursued throug h furthe r historica l investiga tion.

C H A P T E R9

" T H E ANCHO R O F M Y L I F E " : TOWARD A HISTOR Y O F M O T H E R DAUGHTER R E L A T I O N S H I P S

T

HE tas k o f analyzin g th e natur e o f interpersona l relation ships i n th e pas t pose s a formidabl e challeng e fo r th e histo rian wh o mus t carefull y perus e a rang e o f personal , social , and cultura l document s i n searc h o f tha t whic h i s no t sai d a s wel l a s that whic h i s clearly articulated . Historicall y a s well a s in th e contem porary era , th e mother-daughte r relationshi p ha s been characterize d by a n intricat e mi x o f socia l an d persona l expectation s tha t hav e rendered i t exceedingly complex . I n a sense, th e historica l examina tion o f mother-daughte r interaction s raise s mor e question s tha n i t answers, sinc e i t i s impossibl e t o full y explai n th e precis e interactio n of particula r historica l circumstances , specifi c familia l environments , and th e mercuria l an d uniqu e qualitie s o f individua l huma n beings . Nevertheless, th e precedin g chapter s hav e presente d a rang e o f re vealing dat a tha t clearly indicat e th e nee d fo r a reexamination o f th e facile assumptio n tha t conflict , antagonism , an d guil t necessaril y de fine th e moder n mother-daughte r relationship . Whil e th e experi ences o f middle-clas s America n daughter s betwee n 188 0 an d 192 0 frequently differe d substantiall y fro m thos e o f thei r mothers , thi s divergence di d no t generall y resul t i n a relationshi p transforme d b y fundamental antagonism . Althoug h conflic t certainl y existe d a s daughters evolve d int o "ne w women, " and eve n whe n the y followe d more traditiona l paths , th e source s consistentl y revea l tha t middle class mother s wer e fa r mor e toleran t o f untraditiona l choice s an d activities tha n th e contemporar y periodica l an d advic e literatur e sug gested. Indeed , the y appea r t o hav e provide d essentia l suppor t i n

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more tha n a fe w cases , whic h ma y actuall y explai n wh y som e youn g women's choice s coul d b e particularl y untraditional . Eve n i n th e En glish context , wher e mother-daughte r relationship s wer e shape d b y different socia l an d cultura l influences , thi s type of materna l suppor t was not completely unusual . Like th e precedin g fort y years , th e post-192 0 decade s witnesse d developments tha t furthe r segregate d th e experience s o f daughter s from thos e o f thei r mother s and , accordin g t o som e contemporar y observers, produce d a n unprecedente d femal e generatio n gap . Dur ing thes e years , a n increase d emphasi s o n socia l lif e an d pee r rela tions, a s wel l a s a closer father-daughte r connection , ma y have mod erated th e intensit y tha t ha d characterize d earlie r middle-clas s American mother-daughte r relationships . Bu t a less intense relation ship is not necessarily a hostile relationship. Indeed, close interaction s with othe r significan t famil y member s an d friend s ma y hav e con tributed t o th e maintenanc e o f harmon y betwee n mother s an d daughters. 1 Even i n th e contex t o f th e cataclysmi c socia l an d cultura l event s that followe d th e ostensibl y "normal " 1950s , th e mother-daughte r relationship apparentl y wa s no t define d primaril y b y conflic t an d hostility. Fo r example , Kennet h Kenisto n ha s suggeste d tha t th e ac tivities o f th e radica l student s wh o activel y oppose d America n in volvement i n Vietna m reflecte d th e cor e value s espouse d b y thei r parents rathe r tha n a n effor t t o rebel agains t parenta l views. 2 Letter s from middle-clas s femal e reader s o f Bett y Friedan' s best-selling 196 3 critique o f domesticity , The Feminine Mystique, articulated th e hop e that thei r daughters ' live s woul d b e differen t fro m thei r own . Thi s correspondence suggeste d tha t thes e women , lik e thei r predecessor s at th e tur n o f th e century , eithe r explicitl y o r implicitl y encourage d their offsprin g t o pursu e ne w options. 3 Correspondenc e tha t ex pressed th e thought s an d feeling s o f Ms. reader s testifie d t o daugh ters' recognitio n o f an d appreciatio n fo r materna l accomplishment s in th e fac e o f societall y prescribe d restrictions , an d indicate d tha t they had learne d importan t lesson s fro m thei r mothers' experiences. 4 Finally, personal correspondence an d recollection s also document th e existence o f stron g an d positiv e mother-daughte r link s i n th e latte r half of th e twentieth century. 5 Recent empirical studie s of various aspects of the mother-daughte r

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relationship hav e underscore d it s complexity. Lik e th e historica l evi dence, muc h o f thi s work corroborate s th e argumen t tha t th e rela tionship i s no t inherentl y an d essentiall y negativ e no r ha s i t deterio rated i n th e cours e o f th e twentiet h century , althoug h som e studie s describe seriou s intergenerationa l struggles. 6 Mos t o f th e researc h documents th e presenc e o f som e for m o f mother-daughte r conflict , but dissensio n i s not typically th e dominan t characteristi c o f th e rela tionship. Thu s severa l investigation s hav e underscore d th e primac y of attachmen t an d connectio n a s oppose d t o antagonis m betwee n adolescent daughter s an d thei r mothers . Fo r example , despit e a widespread genera l perceptio n t o th e contrary , a follow-u p stud y i n Middletown produce d n o evidenc e tha t th e generatio n ga p betwee n parents and thei r teenaged childre n ha d increased betwee n 192 4 an d 1977. 7 Similarly , researc h conducte d a t th e Emm a Willar d Schoo l illustrated th e importanc e adolescen t girl s plac e o n maintainin g con nectedness i n th e mother-daughte r relationship , an d th e effort s the y make, eve n unde r difficul t circumstances , t o preserv e tha t connec tion.8 Another study , whic h compared America n an d Austrian mother daughter relationships , reveale d mor e explici t acknowledgmen t o f negative affec t o n th e par t o f Austria n girl s an d mor e discussio n o f positive mother-daughte r socia l interactio n o n th e par t o f thei r American counterparts. 9 Apparently , despit e th e frequenc y o f ten sion betwee n adolescen t girl s and thei r mothers , th e genera l impres sion of fundamenta l hostilit y in the relationship seriously exaggerate s the realit y o f th e situation , a t leas t i n par t a s a resul t o f cultura l prescriptions agains t anger between mother s and daughters. 10 Studies o f th e relationshi p betwee n adul t wome n an d thei r moth ers hav e als o underline d th e endurin g strengt h an d importanc e o f the tie s betwee n mother s an d daughter s a s wel l a s th e intricac y o f those bonds . On e suc h examinatio n conclude d tha t th e centralit y of motherin g an d th e continuit y i n th e prevailin g socia l arrange ments fo r care-givin g lin k th e live s o f wome n fro m generatio n t o generation despit e othe r factor s tha t migh t distanc e mother s an d daughters fro m on e another , suc h a s tensio n durin g a daughter' s adolescence o r constraint s produce d b y change s i n famil y structur e —for example , th e introductio n o f sons-in-la w o r grandchildren , o r the rol e reversal s tha t ofte n occu r a s mother s age. 11 Othe r researc h produced evidenc e that despite social pressure t o the contrary, highl y

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educated wome n betwee n th e age s o f twent y an d fort y remaine d firmly attache d t o thei r mothers , identifie d strongl y wit h them , an d considered i t importan t t o ac t in way s tha t would protec t the m fro m emotional distress. 12 Tw o additiona l investigation s yielde d findings that see m especiall y interestin g i n th e contex t o f th e conclusion s suggested b y th e lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-centur y evi dence. On e o f these , a n examinatio n o f th e relationshi p betwee n midlife wome n an d thei r mothers , indicate d tha t materna l suppor t remains vitall y importan t t o adul t daughter s an d tha t it s presence o r absence may actually determine whethe r or not a daughter is satisfied with th e relationship. 13 The secon d study , whic h examine d th e influ ence o f th e mother-daughte r relationshi p o n women' s adul t rol e choices, foun d n o direct relationshi p betwee n thos e choices and thei r mothers' primar y roles . Instead , materna l influenc e wa s expresse d through a daughter's sens e o f sel f an d he r attitude s towar d th e role s she ha d chosen. Apparently wha t mothers said, rather than what the y actually did, mad e th e difference. 14 While a survey of contemporary researc h dealing with the mother daughter relationshi p ca n onl y briefl y highligh t th e dimension s o f this subject , i t i s clea r tha t thes e studie s an d th e evidenc e gleane d from variou s othe r post-192 0 source s d o no t describ e a n essentiall y negative relationship . Lik e th e dat a concernin g mother-daughte r re lationships betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 , thi s evidenc e displace s th e shal low image o f alienatio n an d agon y tha t has been assigned t o women' s interactions wit h thei r femal e offsprin g i n favo r o f a mor e comple x and complet e imag e i n whic h dissensio n i s mitigate d b y powerfu l relational mutuality . Evidenc e o f congruenc e betwee n contemporar y data an d earlie r findings doe s no t accoun t fo r th e natur e o f mother daughter relationship s during th e late nineteenth an d early twentiet h centuries, however . I t i s th e remainin g tas k o f thi s final chapte r t o propose suc h a n explanatio n an d thu s t o define mor e full y a histori cal framewor k fo r th e stud y an d analysi s o f thi s basi c famil y connec tion. What explain s th e presenc e o f stron g materna l suppor t fo r daugh ters' innovativ e aspiration s an d activitie s durin g th e perio d 1880 1920? Durin g thi s transitiona l time , daughter s wh o pursue d highe r education certainly move d int o a world their mothers had not known,

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or kne w onl y i n part . Those wh o di d no t atten d colleg e als o encoun tered ne w influences. Th e "woma n question" pervaded th e social an d cultural climat e an d place d ne w an d difficul t demand s o n thei r rela tionships, bu t i t di d no t reall y divid e middle-clas s mother s an d daughters. Wh y di d mutualit y prevai l ove r estrangemen t i n a situa tion tha t appear s t o hav e bee n particularl y conduciv e t o conflic t an d hostility? In the first place , as the evidence in chapter 1 illustrates, a reassessment o f th e earlie r nineteenth-centur y backgroun d agains t whic h mother-daughter interaction s betwee n 188 0 an d 192 0 hav e bee n measured suggest s tha t the case fo r previousl y untroubled , harmoni ous relationship s ha s been overstated . Contemporar y observers , wh o were probabl y personall y uncomfortabl e wit h th e change s i n th e world o f women , apparentl y exaggerate d th e novelt y o f th e tension s between mother s an d daughter s a s wel l a s th e exten t o f th e conflic t they perceive d durin g th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentiet h centu ries. 15 Bot h th e physical an d th e emotiona l aspect s o f pubert y i n young wome n ha d engage d th e attentio n o f variou s medica l an d educational adviser s earlier i n th e nineteent h century . Th e extensiv e discussion o f mother-daughte r relationship s afte r 1880 , then, contin ued thi s tren d i n th e context o f th e "invention " of adolescenc e a s th e concept wa s elaborated b y G. Stanley Hal l an d others. 16 Despite thi s continuity , however , evidenc e o f a majo r intensifica tion o f mother-daughte r discor d afte r 188 0 would no t b e surprising , particularly wher e daughter s chos e t o pursu e th e optio n o f highe r education an d th e accompanyin g independence . However , th e source s document th e absenc e o f systemati c conflict . Henc e a fuller explana tion fo r thi s finding mus t b e sough t throug h th e furthe r exploratio n of th e comple x interactio n o f social , psychological , an d cultura l fac tors wit h th e experience s o f mother s an d daughter s betwee n 188 0 and 1920—bot h thos e experience s intrinsi c t o th e relationshi p an d those uniqu e t o the period. 17 Certainly, women' s varie d personalit y characteristic s an d activitie s shape th e mother-daughter relationshi p during any historical period . Not al l turn-of-the-centur y mother s nagge d an d complaine d a s An nie Winso r Allen' s mothe r did ; no t al l daughter s wer e patien t an d tolerant a s Anni e was . Similarly , ver y fe w mother s wer e a s sophisti cated an d ope n a s Ethel Sturge s Dumme r was . Undoubtedly , conflic t

ig8

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in th e relationship , o r it s absence , wa s a t leas t i n par t a functio n o f the specifi c trait s of individuals . In th e sam e way , women' s particula r lif e experience s hel p t o ac count fo r th e lac k o f conflic t i n specifi c instances . Fo r example , cer tain widowed mother s ma y hav e fel t tha t it was essential t o remain i n their daughters ' goo d grace s sinc e the y wer e otherwis e alon e i n th e world. The y ma y hav e accepte d what , i n som e sense , wa s unaccept able to them i n th e interests of preservin g a relationship they neede d for thei r ow n security . Suc h wome n ma y als o hav e bee n abl e t o fill the voi d lef t i n thei r ow n live s b y th e los s o f a spous e throug h thei r involvement i n their daughters' lives. While this situation would see m more typica l i n th e cas e o f a married daughte r with children , i t ma y also describ e mother s whos e daughter s chos e les s conventiona l op tions, fo r example , th e mother s o f Vid a Scudde r an d Hild a Worth ington Smith . Likewise, mothers whose own educational an d personal aspiration s had no t bee n fulfille d ma y hav e live d ou t thos e desire s vicariousl y through th e ac t o f assistin g thei r daughter s t o achiev e thei r goals. 18 Relatedly, thos e wh o fel t themselve s constrained , eithe r consciousl y or unconsciously , b y th e expectation s place d o n wome n i n a male dominated societ y ma y hav e bee n abl e to discharge thei r own psychi c tensions b y allyin g themselve s wit h thei r daughter s i n oppositio n t o their husbands , a s i n case s wher e materna l suppor t overrule d pater nal skepticis m regardin g th e necessit y o f highe r educatio n fo r women . On th e othe r hand , mother s wh o wer e satisfie d an d fulfille d i n thei r own lives , comfortabl e i n thei r marriage s an d successfu l i n clu b an d charitable work , a s Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r was , ma y hav e foun d i t perfectly natura l an d comfortabl e t o suppor t daughters ' effort s t o move eve n farthe r fro m traditiona l domesti c roles . I t is even possibl e that a s a resul t o f th e sweepin g change s i n women' s circumstances , discord betwee n mother s an d daughter s wa s reduced durin g th e lat e nineteenth centur y an d beyond . Eithe r consciously o r unconsciously , many middle-clas s wome n ma y hav e reacte d ver y positivel y t o th e liberating influence s represente d b y th e "ne w woman. " Thu s eve n mothers wh o espouse d and/o r modele d traditiona l femal e behavio r may have accepted o r applauded daughters ' unconventional activitie s and desires . In a psychoanalytically base d examinatio n o f th e mother-daughte r

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relationship, Nin i Herma n ha s suggested tha t a good marriag e coul d contribute directl y t o the maintenanc e o f harmony , arguin g tha t th e presence o f a supportiv e husban d an d fathe r facilitate d materna l support fo r untraditiona l daughter s an d mediate d wha t sh e define s as inevitabl e conflict s betwee n th e tw o femal e generation s i n nine teenth-century middle-clas s nuclea r families . Lik e the work of family systems theorists , thi s suggestio n underscore s th e fac t tha t mother s and daughter s d o no t interac t with on e anothe r i n isolation. 19 In deed, severa l historica l discussion s hav e stresse d th e importanc e o f fathers rathe r than mother s as major role models fo r nonconformin g daughters befor e th e lat e nineteent h century. 20 Othe r evidenc e indi cates tha t middle-clas s paterna l involvemen t wit h childre n increase d significantly i n th e first decades of th e twentiet h century. 21 Increase d paternal presenc e an d participatio n i n famil y interaction s ma y hav e alleviated mother-daughte r tensions , bu t thi s change coul d als o hav e generated som e ne w intergenerational rivalr y fo r mal e attention withi n the famil y setting . Hence , althoug h a ful l discussio n o f th e father daughter relationshi p remain s beyond th e scope o f thi s investigation , it i s clearl y importan t t o addres s it s relevanc e a s a facto r i n th e historical mother-daughte r equation . Because th e tas k o f communicatin g about , an d copin g with , th e concerns an d need s of daughters ha s typically been assigned t o mothers i n th e past , th e availabl e historica l document s ofte n revea l fa r more abou t mother-daughte r interaction s tha n abou t thos e betwee n fathers an d daughters . Fo r example, althoug h father s an d daughter s certainly corresponded wit h one another , their letters frequently con centrated o n practica l an d pragmati c matter s suc h a s trai n schedule s and clothin g allowance s an d thu s di d no t revea l a grea t dea l abou t their deepe r feeling s fo r on e another. 22 Whil e th e absenc e o f suc h evidence i n n o wa y indicate s a dearth o f affection , i t limits th e histo rian's abilit y t o interpre t th e relationshi p a s full y a s is possibl e i n th e case of mother-daughte r interactions . A cursory survey of available evidence concerning father-daughte r relationships document s th e importanc e tha t som e daughter s place d on thei r relationship s wit h thei r father s durin g th e year s betwee n 1880 an d 1920 . Clar a Savag e Littledal e greatl y enjoye d he r father' s company. 23 Eliz a Coe Brown Moor e and he r daughter Dorothe a Ma y Moore corresponde d extensivel y wit h thei r respectiv e fathers , an d

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their letters provide evidenc e o f strong attachment, includin g expressions o f affectio n an d concer n fo r paterna l well-being , an d apprecia tion fo r bot h mora l an d financia l support. 24 Mar y Kat e Brewster' s father accompanie d he r o n th e firs t le g o f a journey fro m Bosto n t o Australia, intendin g t o disembar k whe n th e shi p reache d Ne w York . She wa s delighte d t o hav e hi s compan y an d wa s devastate d b y hi s sudden deat h o n boar d th e ship. 25 Affa Mine r Tuttle wa s also devastated b y th e los s o f he r father . Sh e treasure d th e des k sh e ha d inherited fro m hi m an d reporte d t o he r mothe r tha t sh e crie d whe n she sa w th e "postman " becaus e "h e ha s bee n s o synonymou s t o m e with a lette r fro m Father. " He r sister , Elizabet h Mine r Garman , shared th e sam e sens e o f loss , notin g i n he r diary : "Firs t Thanksgiv ing fathe r wa s no t ther e t o welcom e m e oh , tha t h e could hav e lived , Life i s so different withou t hi m an d w e all missed hi m so much." 26 Fathers als o articulate d thei r dee p feeling s fo r thei r daughters . "You m y dea r Florence , hav e largel y me t m y ideal , an d hav e dail y helped t o rene w m y life, " Florenc e Bascom' s fathe r tol d her . Ott o Auerbach looke d forwar d t o receivin g letter s fro m hi s daughter Lydia , admired hi s ne w son-in-law , an d rejoice d ove r th e birth of hi s granddaughter. "Lif e i s wort h whil e livin g whe n Mothe r an d I ca n se e i n your childre n thei r nobl e characte r an d th e happines s the y hav e given us, " he wrote. 27 Post-192 0 father s als o valued thei r interaction s with daughters , a s in th e cas e o f Loui s Dublin , wh o carefully advise d his daughte r Mar y regardin g he r graduat e studies , urge d he r t o tel l him "mor e abou t yourself , wha t i s happenin g t o your own dea r littl e soul," expresse d hi s prid e i n he r work , an d misse d he r desperatel y when sh e was studying i n England. 28 The evidenc e concernin g father-daughte r interaction s document s negative a s well as positive relationships . Fo r example, although Alic e Hamilton's fathe r too k grea t interes t i n hi s daughters' education, hi s business failure s an d excessiv e drinkin g impede d hi s parenta l effec tiveness. A s youn g adults , hi s childre n regarde d hi m "a s an ineffec tive but disturbing presenc e who demanded mor e attention tha n the y wanted t o give." 29 Ethe l Spence r foun d he r nervou s an d trouble d father similarl y ineffective , particularl y i n contras t t o he r capable , dependable mother , an d Mario n Taylor , whos e parent s wer e di vorced, bitterl y resente d th e lack of paterna l support, bot h moral an d financial.30

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Although i t i s clearl y impossibl e t o deriv e an y conclusion s abou t father-daughter relationship s fro m a fe w examples , i t i s certainl y appropriate t o sugges t tha t thi s aspec t o f familia l interactio n coul d influence th e natur e o f th e mother-daughte r connectio n i n variou s ways. Paternal indifferenc e o r absence migh t foste r devoted materna l advocacy and a strong mother-daughter alliance . Alternatively, pater nal involvemen t migh t promot e mother-daughte r harmony , a s Nin i Herman ha s proposed, bu t it could als o reflect som e for m o f mother daughter incompatibility. 31 Studies i n th e ne w field o f th e histor y o f th e emotion s indicat e tha t the collectiv e emotiona l standard s o f th e period , o r "emotionology, " as articulate d i n th e prescriptiv e literature , als o playe d a rol e i n defining mother-daughte r relationship s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Thi s research suggest s tha t definition s o f emotiona l normalc y shif t ove r time. Socia l influence s a s wel l a s biologica l an d psychologica l factor s constrain emotiona l expressio n an d als o promot e emotion s tha t ar e consistent with societal interests. 32 I n pre-Revolutionar y America , fo r example, feminin e emotion , includin g a mother' s lov e fo r he r chil dren, wa s feare d an d suspected . A ne w appreciatio n fo r familia l affection an d a differen t conceptualizatio n o f motherhood , linke d with republica n politica l ideology and Christia n theology , emerge d i n the late eighteenth an d early nineteenth centuries . The emotionolog y surrounding ange r an d jealousy ha s also change d ove r th e cours e o f American history. 33 In th e contex t o f mother-daughte r relationships , i t i s particularl y significant tha t throughou t th e nineteent h an d twentiet h centurie s the suppressio n o f femal e ange r wa s specificall y encouraged . Thi s pattern probabl y explain s the general absenc e of overt expressions o f anger betwee n mother s an d daughters . Failur e t o expres s anger , however, certainl y doe s no t indicat e tha t wome n di d no t fee l thi s emotion throughou t th e nineteent h centur y an d durin g th e perio d 1880-1920. 3 4 Recen t researc h ha s suggeste d tha t fo r som e middle class youn g wome n i n th e past , unexpresse d famil y conflict , particu larly mother-daughte r tension , wa s manifeste d throug h seriou s ill nesses, specificall y anorexi a nervos a an d relate d eatin g disorders. 35 While relativel y fe w daughter s suffere d thes e illnesses , th e possibl e connection betwee n thes e disorder s an d th e repressio n o f mother -

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daughter conflic t encourage s furthe r consideratio n o f th e rol e o f psychological issue s i n th e historica l interpretatio n o f th e mother daughter relationship . Current studie s o f th e comple x an d subtl e relationshi p between emotional standard s an d actua l emotiona l experienc e indicat e tha t emotionology ma y actuall y influenc e th e experience , a s wel l a s th e expression, o f emotions . Socializatio n an d societa l perception s o f a particular stat e of emotional arousa l ma y determine ho w that stat e is apprehended b y a n individual . Similarly , a n individual' s decisio n t o think abou t a n emotio n o r t o express i t may intensify o r even creat e the actual experience o f that emotion, while the choice to suppress it or no t think abou t i t may have the opposite effect. Henc e changes in emotional standards i n the past could hav e resulted i n changes in the emotions themselves. 36 While i t i s difficult t o document explicitl y th e influenc e o f collec tive emotional standard s on individua l women , the research o n emotionology an d emotiona l experienc e ha s interestin g implication s fo r the historica l stud y o f mother-daughte r interactions . First , thi s re search suggest s tha t th e natur e o f mother-daughte r relationship s between 188 0 an d 192 0 reflect s i n par t th e stres s o n bot h th e suppression of female anger and th e importance of intergenerationa l harmony i n th e emotionolog y o f th e period . I f mother s full y inter nalized th e emotiona l standard s prescribe d fo r them , the y ma y no t have actuall y experience d significan t negativ e emotion s abou t thei r daughters' activities . Alternatively , the y ma y hav e altere d onl y thei r overt expression s o f emotion s i n accordanc e wit h societa l standards . In eithe r case , materna l suppor t rathe r tha n basi c conflic t wa s th e manifest result . The researc h als o suggests a possibl e lin k betwee n th e matropho bia articulated b y some late twentieth-century wome n and th e femin ist emotionolog y tha t accompanie d th e crusad e fo r women' s libera tion. I n th e contex t o f literar y criticism , Elain e Showalte r ha s commented tha t "hatin g one' s mothe r wa s th e feminis t enlighten ment o f th e 50' s an d 6o's." 37 Thi s observatio n ca n b e construe d historically as well as in literary terms. Mother-blaming was not a new phenomenon i n th e secon d hal f o f th e twentiet h century . Th e fem inist articulation o f th e notio n tha t mother s shoul d b e held responsi ble fo r daughters ' problems , an d fo r problem s i n th e relationshi p

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itself, represente d a continuation o f earlie r negativ e materna l image s (including those conveyed b y the prescriptive literatur e between 188 0 and 1920) . Bu t th e explici t suggestio n tha t mother s coul d b e hel d directly responsibl e fo r th e reproductio n o f women' s subordinatio n and th e perpetuatio n o f gende r inequalit y adde d a ne w dimension . Hence th e resentmen t an d bitternes s experience d an d expresse d b y many contemporary daughter s with regard t o their mothers reflecte d the effect o f th e late twentieth-century emotionology. 38 Women's collectiv e experiences , bot h withi n an d outsid e th e home , also shape d thei r famil y relationships . Althoug h th e domesti c rol e still dominated th e live s of middle-clas s wome n i n the lat e nineteent h and early twentieth centuries, their lives were not as narrowly circum scribed a s tha t concep t suggests . Durin g mos t o f th e nineteent h cen tury, wome n wer e activ e i n various religiou s an d socia l organization s and cause s outsid e th e home . Involvemen t i n externa l activitie s wa s not a new idea to mothers between 188 0 and 1920 , nor was secondary education, whic h ha d bee n availabl e earlie r i n th e centur y i n th e form o f privat e femal e academie s an d seminarie s an d eve n i n girls ' public hig h school s o f th e sor t founde d i n Worcester , Massachusetts , in 1824 . Thu s whil e thei r daughters ' aspiration s ma y hav e extende d beyond th e boundarie s o f thei r ow n experiences , t o encompas s col lege an d caree r goals , thei r ow n socializatio n include d th e concep t that women's "sphere " reached beyon d th e home. 39 Even withi n th e home , evidence suggest s tha t middle-clas s wome n experienced a significant increas e in power and autonomy durin g th e course o f th e nineteent h century . Suzann e Lebsoc k ha s argue d tha t the firs t hal f o f th e centur y witnesse d a n ongoin g genera l proces s o f growth towar d femal e freedo m fro m tota l dependenc e o n particula r men. 40 Thi s increase , expresse d a s a kin d o f "domesti c feminism, " has bee n documente d wit h referenc e t o women' s exercis e o f contro l over sex and reproductio n withi n marriage. 41 The theor y of domesti c feminism interpret s th e evolutio n o f femal e domesti c role s an d th e perceptions tha t develope d fro m thos e roles , fo r example , women' s presumed expertis e i n homemakin g an d child-rearing , a s positiv e developments. I n this context, it is possible that by the late nineteent h century, mother s ha d altered thei r own view s of womanhoo d t o suc h an exten t tha t the y fel t comfortabl e supportin g daughters ' effort s t o

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extend th e feminis m the y ha d develope d a t hom e int o th e publi c sphere. Thu s domesti c feminis m ma y hav e actuall y encourage d ma ternal suppor t fo r daughters ' activities , particularl y wher e paterna l opposition wa s involved , as , fo r example , i n th e cas e o f M . Care y Thomas. 42 If , a s Danie l Scot t Smit h ha s suggested , th e eventua l suc cess o f wome n outsid e th e domesti c settin g ca n b e construe d a s a n extension o f thei r earlie r progres s withi n th e family , th e connectio n between domesti c feminis m an d mother-daughte r relationship s ma y have been a crucial component i n tha t success. 43 In addition t o mirroring a n evolving sens e of autonom y withi n th e domestic context, materna l suppor t fo r daughters' untraditional choice s may als o reflec t th e subtl e influenc e o f a specificall y middle-clas s frame o f reference . Investigation s o f th e natur e of twentieth-centur y middle-class child-rearin g value s hav e discerne d a tendenc y o n th e part o f parent s t o valu e demonstration s o f self-directio n i n accor dance wit h interna l standard s a s oppose d t o conformit y i n accor dance wit h externall y impose d standards . I n compariso n wit h work ing-class parents , thei r disciplinar y practice s see m t o conside r inten t rather tha n t o respon d primaril y t o th e consequence s o f a child' s behavior. Middle-clas s mother s appea r t o punish daughter s an d son s equally whil e thei r working-clas s counterpart s appea r t o distinguis h between them , placin g mor e stringen t expectation s o n daughters. 44 Given th e atmospher e o f growt h an d expansion , an d th e sens e o f new possibilitie s tha t permeate d middle-clas s lif e betwee n 188 0 an d 1920, i t is possibl e tha t som e parent s hel d simila r attitude s abou t th e importance o f self-direction , an d exercise d the m i n relatio n t o daughters a s wel l a s son s durin g tha t perio d too . Th e influenc e o f this frame o f reference , then , would als o help to explain why mother s were able t o support thei r daughters' aspirations and achievements . Several relate d factor s thu s explai n wh y th e emergenc e o f a gen eration ga p i n opportunit y an d aspiration s di d no t prov e t o b e th e most powerfu l determinan t o f th e natur e o f mother-daughte r rela tionships in the late nineteenth an d early twentieth centuries. Variou s other influence s fostere d a patter n o f primaril y positive , supportiv e interactions. However , a final poin t remain s t o b e explored : th e yawning discrepanc y betwee n th e realit y o f mother-daughte r rela tionships an d th e ton e o f th e discussio n i n the contemporary period icals and advic e manuals .

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Undoubtedly thi s discrepanc y partl y reflecte d th e individua l idio syncrasies o f writer s an d editors . Fo r example , Edwar d Bo k o f The Ladies Home Journal, wh o wa s no t know n fo r hi s libera l views , eve n regarded th e women' s clu b movemen t a s a threa t t o th e family. 45 More significantly , however , th e directio n o f th e prescriptiv e litera ture reflected th e general socia l concerns of the era. 46 The reiteratio n of th e importanc e o f mother-daughte r harmon y an d th e insistenc e on materna l obligation s fo r fosterin g tha t harmon y addresse d a growing anxiet y abou t th e stabilit y o f th e middle-clas s famil y tha t spread a s wome n articulate d untraditiona l ambition s an d responde d to ne w opportunities . Thus , fo r example , Harper's Bazar, whic h sup ported suffrag e an d othe r progressiv e causes , rejecte d feminis t de mands fo r th e expansio n o f women' s spher e an d insiste d tha t th e obligations o f wifehoo d an d motherhoo d define d th e prope r profes sion fo r a woman. 47 Th e pervasiv e emphasi s o n avoidin g intergener ational femal e conflic t als o mirrore d contemporar y cultura l expecta tions fo r women , particularl y thos e regardin g th e inappropriatenes s of femal e anger. 48 At least two other discernible and important cultural trends emerge d in th e prescriptiv e literature : th e "professionalization " o f mother hood i n th e secon d hal f o f th e nineteent h century , an d th e develop ment o f forma l publi c concer n ove r adolescenc e a t th e beginnin g o f the twentieth. 49 Th e growin g emphasi s o n th e importanc e o f so called exper t advic e a s essential fo r prope r child-rearin g (whic h wa s exemplified i n th e proliferatio n o f advic e books ) an d th e attendan t tendency t o preac h t o wome n partiall y explai n th e prevalenc e o f literature that blamed mothers for intergenerational difficulties . Wit h the developmen t o f th e concep t o f expertis e i n motherin g an d th e articulation o f th e socia l definitio n o f adolescenc e a s a perio d o f storm an d stress , tension s tha t ha d bee n viewe d formerl y a s norma l parts o f famil y life—mood y daughter s o r impatien t mothers , fo r example—seem t o have been upgraded o r redefined a s serious problems fo r whic h properl y professiona l mother s coul d an d shoul d find solutions. Th e prescriptiv e literatur e contribute d t o th e growt h o f this perception b y focusing extensivel y o n mother-daughte r issues . It is difficult t o estimate th e relativ e contribution s o f eac h o f thes e cultural strand s t o th e creatio n o f th e generatio n ga p painte d b y th e prescriptive literature , an d stil l mor e difficul t t o unrave l th e intrica -

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cies of th e connections betwee n tha t literature and th e emotional an d behavioral realitie s o f individua l women' s lives . Yet th e latte r issue i s particularly importan t t o conside r inasmuc h a s thes e wome n func tioned a s part of th e culture tha t i s reflected i n the literature . Hence , while th e magazine s an d advic e manual s apparentl y di d no t expres s the explici t realit y o f th e experience s o f "ne w women " an d thei r mothers, thi s literatur e wa s no t necessaril y totall y irrelevan t t o thei r concerns. N o doub t some middle-clas s mothers and daughters (whethe r or no t the y attende d college ) wer e trouble d b y aspect s o f thei r rela tionships. Probabl y som e o f the m foun d a n outle t i n th e periodica l and advice literatur e fo r tension s tha t could no t be directly expresse d at th e consciou s leve l du e t o th e influenc e o f women' s socializatio n patterns an d th e emotionolog y o f th e period . A t the other end o f th e spectrum, reader s wh o did no t identif y personall y wit h the problem s described ma y hav e enjoye d readin g th e advic e an d congratulatin g themselves fo r avoiding such difficulties. Finally , the data on women' s actual experience s indicat e tha t trivia l dispute s coul d aris e eve n wher e mothers and daughter s wer e basically compatible. I n this sense, then , the prescriptiv e literatur e erre d mor e with regar d t o th e interpreta tion tha n th e occurrenc e o f suc h incidents . A s thes e example s sug gest, a comple x rang e o f possibilitie s define s th e relatio n betwee n prescription an d behavio r i n th e contex t o f mother-daughte r rela tionships, as in women's histor y mor e generally. 50 Similarly, th e link s betwee n th e portraya l o f mother-daughte r in teractions i n lat e nineteenth - an d earl y twentieth-centur y novel s an d the realit y of middle-clas s famil y experience s betwee n 188 0 and 192 0 can b e characterize d a s subtl e an d obliqu e rathe r tha n immediatel y obvious. I n an y historica l period , aspect s o f socia l an d cultura l issue s that ar e construe d a s to o sensitiv e t o b e discusse d directly , eve n through prescriptiv e literature , ca n b e articulate d indirectl y an d ad dressed throug h work s o f fiction. Thu s literar y treatment s o f th e mother-daughter relationshi p i n the era of the "new woman" primarily described trouble d situation s rathe r than those in which unanimit y of goal s an d desire s prevailed . Rathe r tha n depic t untroubled , com fortable relationships , popula r novels explored th e social and cultura l causes o f problemati c mother-daughte r interaction s an d examine d the ramification s o f potentia l solutions . An d becaus e the y wer e "fic tion" a s oppose d t o "fact, " thes e work s represente d a saf e an d un -

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threatening contex t withi n whic h reader s coul d acknowledg e an d examine thei r own concerns abou t mother-daughte r issues , whateve r the natur e of thei r persona l experiences . Despite th e complexit y o f th e connection s betwee n th e portraya l of mother-daughte r interaction s i n th e prescriptiv e literatur e an d novels o f th e perio d an d th e characte r o f women' s actua l relation ships, it is evident tha t mutual caring and support rathe r than conflic t dominated th e middle-clas s mother-daughte r relationshi p betwee n 1880 an d 1920 . Althoug h th e source s d o revea l th e presenc e o f tensions surroundin g bot h trivia l an d weightie r issues , th e strikin g absence o f fundamenta l intergenerationa l conflic t i s what stands out . A current an d continuin g reexaminatio n o f developmenta l theor y a s it pertains to women's psychologica l growt h suggests th e possibilit y o f a lin k betwee n thi s absence o f majo r conflict an d th e abilit y of youn g women i n th e lat e nineteent h an d early twentieth centurie s t o under take new , untraditiona l behaviors . Mos t theorie s o f th e sel f describ e development a s an evolutionar y proces s of separatio n an d individua tion, a progressio n throug h increasingl y autonomou s psychologica l levels towar d a n ultimat e goa l o f persona l independence . Thes e the ories acknowledg e th e importanc e o f relationship s t o individua l de velopment i n th e earl y year s o f life , bu t the y posi t autonom y an d separation a s emblems o f maturit y an d thu s a s preferable t o related ness an d mutua l interdependence . Thi s conceptualizatio n o f th e sel f does no t appea r t o fi t women' s experience , whic h ha s mor e typicall y manifested a continuin g emphasi s o n connectio n an d affiliatio n a s opposed t o disengagement . Recognitio n o f thi s discrepanc y ha s re sulted i n a new approach tha t redefines femal e developmen t i n term s of relationshi p a s opposed t o separation. 51 Relational developmen t theor y argue s tha t wome n develo p an d strengthen a sense o f sel f through thei r involvement i n both externa l social relationship s an d i n th e interna l experience s o f relationship s characterized b y mutualit y an d affectiv e connection . Thi s develop ment i s initiate d b y th e early mother-daughte r relationshi p i n whic h children identif y wit h th e mothe r a s a n activ e caretaker . I n moder n Western culture, the full evolution of th e image of a n interacting self, "a self whos e emotiona l cor e i s responde d t o b y th e othe r an d wh o responds bac k t o th e emotion s o f th e other, " i s discourage d i n boy s

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but become s th e cente r o f th e self-imag e i n girls. 52 Thi s responsive ness, characterize d a s mutua l intersubjectivity , involve s empath y a t both th e cognitiv e an d th e affectiv e level . Ove r time , th e mother daughter relationshi p become s a mutuall y reciproca l proces s i n whic h each participan t hold s th e other' s subjectivit y a s central t o th e inter action wit h tha t individual , eac h remain s ope n t o chang e i n th e interaction, an d eac h view s th e proces s o f relatin g a s intrinsicall y valuable. Whil e mutualit y wil l no t distinguis h ever y interchang e i n such a relationship , sufficien t mutualit y mus t b e presen t s o tha t th e participants ca n fee l tha t their need s ar e met. 53 According t o thi s model , mother-daughte r attachment s foste r th e development o f positiv e capabilitie s suc h a s motivatio n fo r action , self-esteem, an d self-affirmation , a s th e sel f i s enhanced rathe r tha n reduced o r threatene d b y relationship . Thu s th e ongoin g interde pendence implie d b y mutualit y produce s positiv e a s opposed t o neg ative o r eve n pathologica l outcomes , a s som e theorist s hav e main tained. 54 Wome n develo p agenc y an d initiativ e i n th e contex t o f th e mother-daughter relationshi p (an d i n othe r importan t relationship s as well). 55 Transitor y conflict s betwee n adolescen t daughter s an d thei r mothers represen t a mean s o f elaboratin g th e continuit y o f connec tion t o significan t others , a wa y t o wor k ou t difference s withi n th e relationship rathe r tha n t o separate. 56 Whil e th e adolescen t doe s no t necessarily see k separation , sh e need s t o modif y th e relationshi p i n order t o affir m he r ow n developmenta l change s an d enabl e ne w relationships t o proceed. Suc h modificatio n require s th e capacity an d the willingnes s fo r chang e an d growt h o n th e par t o f bot h mothe r and daughter . Thi s suggest s tha t at least some of the storm and stres s associated wit h adolescenc e ma y reflec t parenta l difficulties i n chang ing as much a s it mirrors th e characteristics o f th e adolescent. 57 The researc h findings tha t suppor t thi s theor y ar e base d o n th e experiences o f lat e twentieth-centur y wome n rathe r tha n thos e o f mothers an d daughter s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 . Nevertheless , i t i s possible t o discer n element s o f congruenc e betwee n th e contempo rary mode l o f relationa l developmen t an d earlie r mother-daughte r interactions withou t claimin g an y sor t o f ahistorica l universalit y fo r the femal e experience. 58 Thu s th e self-in-relatio n researc h suggest s that th e mutualit y an d suppor t tha t typifie d lat e nineteenth - an d early twentieth-centur y mother-daughte r relationship s woul d gener -

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ate a n importan t positiv e effec t upo n daughters ' psychologica l abili ties to function successfull y i n new roles and settings—on thei r ability to ventur e beyon d thei r mothers ' worlds . Perhap s thi s als o explain s why thei r mother s wer e abl e t o cop e wit h thei r doin g so . Ye t th e apparent congruenc e betwee n th e theor y o f relationa l developmen t and middle-clas s mother-daughte r interaction s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 raise s furthe r questions . Doe s th e theor y describ e a phenome non tha t i s characteristi c o f America n women' s psychologica l devel opment ove r time—an d if so , why ? O r d o th e experience s o f lat e nineteenth- an d earl y twentieth-century mother s an d daughter s spe cifically lin k the m psychologicall y wit h thei r lat e twentieth-centur y counterparts? Thes e issue s clearly meri t further consideration . As critique s o f psychohistorica l scholarshi p hav e demonstrated , the tas k o f linkin g huma n psycholog y an d socia l chang e i s exceed ingly complex. 59 Intrinsically , psychologica l theorie s tend towar d uni versalistic claims concerning psychologica l commonalitie s rathe r tha n toward historical , social , or cultural specificity . Curren t studie s i n th e emerging field o f emotion s histor y hav e underscore d th e inadequac y of any typ e of one-dimensiona l conceptualizatio n tha t would posi t a n unchanging, ahistorica l huma n psyche . Yet , a s Nanc y Chodoro w ha s argued, th e fac t tha t a psychological theor y ha s no t been utilize d i n a culturally or socially specific manne r does not preclude it s application in tha t way. 60 Henc e th e interpretiv e potentia l o f th e theor y o f rela tional development fo r the historical study of mother-daughte r inter actions ca n encompas s th e effect s o f socia l an d cultura l variable s a s well as the influence o f factors that do not change . Some fundamenta l continuitie s tha t hav e characterize d women' s experiences historicall y ar e clearly pertinen t t o th e us e o f thi s theor y for th e constructio n o f a histor y o f middle-clas s America n mother daughter relationships . Fo r example, biological constants , such as the hormonal change s tha t accompan y pubert y an d ofte n produc e in creased aggressivenes s i n adolescen t girls , lin k wome n acros s time . Certain socia l an d cultura l constants define simila r connections. Typ ically i n th e past , a s wel l a s in contemporar y society , daughter s hav e been cared fo r and socialized primarily by their mothers, and middle class women's role s have been tightl y bound u p wit h th e live s of thei r offspring. Furthermore , bot h mother s an d daughter s hav e experi enced th e devaluatio n o f thei r gende r i n a male-dominated , patriar -

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chal society : a s Marci a Westkot t ha s observed , "th e story of mother s and daughter s take s plac e i n th e worl d o f th e father." 61 Wit h rela tively fe w exceptions , tha t worl d ha s effectivel y rendere d woman hood an d personhoo d mutuall y exclusive . I t ha s als o generate d a n enduring cultural heritage of mother-blaming . Evidence of continuities of this sort certainly underscores the relevance o f contemporar y developmenta l psychologica l theor y fo r th e analysis o f mother-daughte r relationship s i n th e pas t a s wel l a s i n contemporary society . Suc h evidenc e als o accentuate s th e obviou s danger o f historica l misinterpretatio n a s a resul t o f positin g an y complete chang e i n th e pattern s o f mother-daughte r interaction s i n modern America n society . Nevertheless , social and cultura l variable s have change d women' s experience s i n ways that mus t be considere d in the context of an analysis of those patterns. Although family issue s are i n on e sens e private , the y ar e als o sociall y an d culturall y con structed. Famil y forms , functions , roles , and relationship s reflec t th e impact of diverse social and cultural factor s that vary with time, place, and socia l class. Historical developments such as industrialization, th e separation o f th e hom e an d th e workplace , alteration s i n emotiona l standards, and variation s in social and cultural expectations of moth erhood hav e all influenced pattern s of mothering and thu s may have affected th e nature of middle-class American mother-daughte r inter actions in important ways. 62 For example , i n colonia l America , father s wer e primaril y hel d responsible fo r th e conduct o f thei r offspring , bu t thi s responsibilit y was later transferre d t o mothers, first as part of the job of republica n motherhood, the n a s an integra l componen t o f Victorian famil y life , and finally a s a produc t o f Freudia n an d post-Freudia n ideology. 63 Women's perception s of , an d reaction s to , their materna l roles hav e undoubtedly varie d i n conjunction wit h thes e changing expectation s and hav e influence d th e mother-daughte r relationshi p accordingly . Similarly, shifting cultura l norm s regardin g th e identity and role s of women hav e affecte d daughters ' persona l perception s o f thei r ow n mothers as well as their concepts of motherhood mor e generally, and thus have also had an impact on the relationship. A recent study of th e impact of materna l death o n midlife daugh ters concluded tha t women experience d mor e grief over their moth ers' lives—for example , their unfulfille d potential , their unsatisfyin g

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marriages—than ove r their actual deaths. These daughter s mourne d the fac t tha t thei r ow n culturall y define d conception s o f th e natur e of an effective woma n had prevente d the m fro m reall y knowing thei r mothers o r ha d cause d the m t o devalu e thei r mothers ' lives. 64 The y expressed th e sam e dee p sens e o f los s articulate d b y daughter s be tween 188 0 and 1920. 65 Bu t while th e latter apparently grieve d prin cipally fo r themselve s whe n thei r mother s died , fo r th e los s o f trea sured companionship , guidance , an d support , th e bereavemen t o f contemporary adul t daughter s clearl y incorporate d concern s engen dered b y th e influenc e o f feminis t ideolog y i n lat e twentieth-centur y American culture . Thi s researc h illustrate s th e continuit y o f mother daughter connectio n an d mutualit y a s posite d b y relationa l develop ment theory , bu t i t als o affirm s th e influenc e o f socia l an d cultura l variables on th e mother-daughte r relationship . Elaine Showalte r ha s discerne d an d explore d a numbe r o f politi cal, social , an d cultura l parallel s betwee n th e las t decade s o f th e twentieth centur y an d th e 1880 s an d 1890s. 66 Among th e similaritie s that connec t thes e tw o transitiona l era s sh e cite s particularl y a serie s of gender-base d concern s tha t includ e th e threa t o f sexua l chaos , posed first by the "new woman" and then by contemporary feminism . Her compariso n o f fin-de-siecle crises suggest s tha t althoug h nearl y a hundred year s separat e turn-of-th e centur y mother s an d daughter s from thei r contemporar y counterparts , thes e femal e generation s ar e linked psychologicall y b y thei r share d experience s i n tw o historica l periods marke d b y major transition s i n women's lives . Such a linkag e would certainl y hel p t o explain th e symmetry betwee n contemporar y relational development research and the history of middle-clas s mother daughter relationship s between 188 0 and 1920 . Nevertheless, i n som e way s a t least , thes e fou r decade s appea r t o have been unusual . Previousl y America n mother s an d daughter s ha d typically enjoye d compatibl e relationships , bu t a t th e sam e tim e the y had share d essentiall y th e sam e experience s an d aspirations . Whe n this traditiona l intergenerationa l continuit y wa s disrupted i n th e lat e nineteenth century , n o correspondin g degeneratio n o f th e mother daughter relationshi p ensued. O n th e contrary, th e changes i n wom en's live s ma y hav e actuall y strengthene d th e tie s betwee n middle class mother s an d thei r femal e offspring . Ye t thi s ha d no t bee n th e case earlie r i n th e century , whe n youn g wome n wit h unconventiona l

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interests wer e encourage d mor e frequentl y b y fathers tha n b y moth ers. Possibl y th e tren d towar d smalle r middle-clas s familie s i n the lat e nineteenth centur y fostere d greate r mother-daughte r intimac y an d maternal suppor t a s wome n foun d themselve s increasingl y abl e t o devote tim e an d energ y t o th e individua l need s o f thei r offspring . The perio d betwee n 188 0 an d 192 0 als o differed clearl y fro m subse quent decades , whic h witnesse d a partial bu t discernible reductio n i n the interdependenc e o f mother s an d daughters. Likewise , this perio d in America n mother-daughte r histor y contraste d distinctl y wit h th e same chronologica l er a i n th e histor y o f Englis h mother-daughte r relationships, durin g whic h wome n serve d fa r mor e ofte n a s restric tive influence s fo r ambitiou s daughters . I n th e contex t o f thi s con temporaneous Englis h pattern , th e distinctiv e natur e o f America n mother-daughter interaction s stand s out even mor e clearly. Cultural variabilit y an d chang e i n th e mother-daughte r relation ship ca n b e traced , a t leas t i n part , t o comple x cultural , social , an d psychological factors , bot h withi n th e America n contex t an d beyond . Thus, fo r example , th e lat e nineteent h centur y witnesse d th e con juncture o f a cultura l climat e marke d b y a definit e dichotom y be tween traditio n an d innovatio n i n women' s live s a s wel l a s mor e generally, an d th e culmination o f a process of growing femal e auton omy withi n th e home . Thi s mixtur e create d a uniqu e contex t tha t nurtured a distinctiv e middle-clas s America n mother-daughte r rela tionship characterize d b y mutua l understandin g an d femal e unit y i n the fac e o f mal e domination . Whil e Englis h societ y experienced simi lar cultura l confusion , th e influenc e o f a mor e rigi d socia l cod e re stricted middle-clas s women' s abilitie s t o challenge eithe r establishe d behavioral convention s o r patriarcha l authorit y o n behal f o f daugh ters, althoug h economi c exigenc y apparentl y le d thei r working-clas s counterparts t o do so . Although th e psychologica l real m i s ofte n cite d a s a sourc e o f continuity rathe r tha n variatio n i n huma n experience , i t to o ca n partially explain historica l evidenc e o f chang e i n the natur e of mother daughter interactions . Accordin g t o th e theor y o f relationa l develop ment, a n individual' s earl y externa l socia l relationship s an d interna l representations o f suc h relationship s ar e crucial t o self-development . The fac t that those early relationships mos t often ar e between mothe r and chil d determine s th e natur e o f th e mother-daughte r relation -

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ship. Thi s circumstanc e suggest s a psychologica l lin k betwee n th e differences i n America n an d Englis h mother-daughte r relationship s at the turn of th e century and the different ideologie s of motherhoo d that distinguishe d middle-clas s Victoria n famil y cultur e i n th e tw o societies. Whil e i n America , middle-clas s wome n wer e expecte d t o devote themselve s fully , i n both a physical and a n emotional sense , t o their offspring, i n England thi s was not the case. The exten t t o which mothers implemente d th e expectation s o f thei r respectiv e culture s influenced th e frequenc y an d th e intensit y o f thei r interaction s wit h daughters. Thes e qualities , i n turn , define d th e degre e t o whic h th e latter identifie d wit h an d responde d t o mother s a s activ e caretakers , and als o determine d th e presenc e o r absenc e o f th e sor t o f mutua l intersubjectivity posite d b y relationa l developmen t theory . Thu s th e interaction o f psychologica l factor s with social and cultural influence s helps t o explai n wh y mutua l interdependenc e an d suppor t typifie d middle-class America n mother-daughte r relationships , whil e thes e characteristics appeare d les s frequentl y i n middle-clas s Englis h fami lies. Despite its apparent exceptionality i n the history of mother-daugh ter relationships , o r perhap s becaus e o f it , th e perio d betwee n 188 0 and 192 0 ha s importan t implication s fo r th e histor y o f America n women. The closenes s and mutual understanding enjoye d b y middleclass mother s an d daughter s durin g th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentieth centurie s enable d man y wome n t o mov e beyon d th e do mestic worl d t o tak e advantag e o f ne w educationa l an d professiona l opportunities tha t emerge d a s American societ y complete d th e tran sition t o modernity . Th e possibilit y tha t middle-clas s mother s an d daughters ma y hav e bee n unusuall y close , an d tha t thi s intimac y served t o empowe r bot h o f the m t o challeng e mal e prerogative s within and beyon d th e family , identifie s thi s period a s a watershed i n the histor y o f America n women . I t also raise s an importan t questio n about th e impac t o f possibl e difference s betwee n th e experience s o f middle-class an d variou s group s o f working-clas s wome n a s mother s and daughters, an d highlight s th e need fo r focuse d historica l investi gation alon g thes e lines . Finally , th e lin k betwee n mother-daughte r relationships an d women' s abilitie s t o undertak e ne w activitie s i n th e age o f th e "ne w woman " underscore s th e centralit y o f famil y a s a major influence i n women's lives at the same tim e a s it challenges th e

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assumption tha t famil y role s an d relationship s hav e necessaril y fore closed femal e developmen t i n th e past . Mor e generally , thi s lin k suggests th e relevanc e o f furthe r historica l examinatio n o f th e con nections betwee n famil y lif e an d individuals ' capacities t o respon d t o societal change . At th e ag e o f ninety , i n 1946 , Mar y Ezi t Bulkle y assesse d he r ow n worldview i n compariso n wit h tha t o f he r mothe r an d he r grand mother, an d reache d th e followin g conclusions : There has, I convince myself, been some betterment in my outlook. I am not quite so ready to accept Things As They Ar e as my grandmother was. I am not so much concerned wit h my soul's salvation as she and her mother were. I have other ideas than m y mother as to what women should or should no t do. Bu t o n th e whol e th e chang e i n m y spiri t i s no t marked , althoug h i t shows differently. I f perhaps a group of my friends and I could go back the hundred od d year s an d settl e i n m y grandmother' s village , i f w e wen t t o church o n Sunda y an d kep t ou r mouth s shu t o n wee k days , w e nee d b e considered by them as only slightly cracked.67 This astut e appraisa l capture s a daughter's persona l sens e o f connec tion betwee n th e femal e generation s i n he r own famil y a s well a s he r recognition an d acknowledgmen t o f a certai n degre e o f chang e i n women's viewpoints . Mor e broadly , i t als o suggest s th e powe r o f continuity rathe r tha n disruptio n an d chang e i n women' s feeling s about th e connection s betwee n mother s an d daughters . Althoug h middle-class America n wome n o f Mar y Bulkley' s generatio n experi enced a different worl d fro m tha t o f thei r predecessors , th e mother daughter relationshi p serve d a s a vita l an d endurin g sourc e o f sup port tha t enable d the m t o fac e an d respon d t o th e challenge s the y confronted durin g a period of rapi d change in their lives. Connectio n rather tha n separatio n remaine d th e hallmar k o f mother-daughte r interactions during th e perio d 1880—192 0 and beyond, as it had bee n before th e appearance o f th e "ne w woman." Traditionally, middle-clas s America n mother s hav e bee n charge d with th e responsibilit y fo r preparin g daughter s t o assum e thei r pre scribed role s i n a hierarchical , male-dominate d society . However , many hav e been abl e to envision alternative s tha t would allow wome n to enjo y persona l accomplishmen t an d t o tak e contro l o f thei r ow n lives, an d som e hav e inspire d an d assiste d thei r daughter s t o mov e

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forward towar d tha t goal. 68 I n a n overview o f researc h o n wome n i n American history , Barbar a Sicherman identifie d on e significan t long range trend : sh e conclude d tha t supportiv e femal e network s i n var ious institutional context s hav e playe d a central an d endurin g rol e i n fostering women' s aspiration s an d thei r creativity , i n assistin g thei r efforts t o overcom e "th e conflic t betwee n individua l aspiration s an d cultural imperatives." 69 Th e histor y o f middle-clas s America n mother daughter relationship s illustrate s th e sam e trend , firs t throug h nu merous, strikin g examples o f materna l suppor t fo r daughters ' activities, an d mor e recentl y throug h daughters ' growin g recognitio n an d explicit acknowledgmen t o f thei r mothers ' strengths an d needs . Mu tuality an d connectio n rathe r tha n tensio n an d conflic t define d th e essence o f mother-daughte r interaction s betwee n 188 0 an d 1920 , and thes e qualities hav e remaine d integra l t o the relationship despit e some apparen t change s i n th e succeedin g decades . Th e sentiment s expressed i n th e followin g Mother' s Da y greetin g fro m a n adul t daughter t o he r ninety-six-year-ol d mothe r testif y eloquentl y t o th e enduring, affirmativ e powe r o f th e "bond s o f womanhood " a s the y have linke d middle-clas s America n mother s and daughters : Your "light" must shine a great distance and with power! Your thoughts, if recorded, would make fascinating reading, I'm sure! Your long trip through the many years has been adventuresome and very challenging! / learne d the challenge lesson earl y fro m yo u & it has helped m e man y times ! I hope yo u have many more happy Mothers' Days! love, Doris 7 0

NOTES Preface 1. A n investigatio n o f th e impac t o f blac k cultur e o n mother-daughte r interactions woul d als o enhanc e th e effor t t o understan d th e relationshi p historically. Fo r a n interestin g discussio n o f thi s topic , se e Patrici a Hil l Col lins, "Th e Meanin g o f Motherhoo d i n Blac k Cultur e an d Blac k Mother Daughter Relationships, " Sage 4, 2 (Fall 1987) : 3 - 9 . 2. Tilli e Olsen , ed. , Mother to Daughter, Daughter to Mother (Ne w York , 1984), 275 . 3. A relevant discussion o f diaries as sources fo r women' s histor y is Judy Nolte Lensink , "Expandin g th e Boundarie s o f Criticism : Th e Diar y a s Fe male Autobiography," Women's Studies 14, 1/ 2 (1987) : 3 9 - 5 3 .

1. "The Central Problem of Female Experience" 1. Nikk i Stiller , Eve's Orphans: Mothers and Daughters in Medieval English Literature, Contributions in Women's Studies, no. 1 6 (Westport, Conn., 1980) , xi. 2. Se e Adrienn e Rich' s statemen t t o thi s effect : "Bu t i n writin g thes e pages, I am admitting , a t least, ho w importan t he r existenc e i s and ha s bee n for me. " Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution (Ne w York , 1976), 224 . 3. Elle n Bayu k Rosenman , The Invisible Presence: Virginia Woolf and the Mother-Daughter Relationship (Baton Rouge , 1986) , ix. 4. Rut h Bloch , "America n Feminin e Ideal s i n Transition : Th e Ris e o f the Moral Mother, 1785-1815, " Feminist Studies 4 (1978): 101—26 ; Ann Dally , Inventing Motherhood: The Consequences of an Ideal (Ne w York , 1982) ; and Jan Lewis, "Mother' s Love : Th e Constructio n o f a n Emotio n i n Nineteenth Century America, " i n Andre w E . Barne s an d Pete r N . Stearns , eds. , Social History and Issues in Human Consciousness (New York , 1989) , 209—29. 5. See , fo r example , Lydi a Mari a Child' s advic e t o mother s regardin g the "want of confidence betwee n mother s and daughters on delicate subjects " in The Mother's Book (Boston, 1831) , 151-52 , quoted i n Barbar a Welter, "Th e Cult o f Tru e Womanhood, " i n Michae l Gordon , ed. , The Family in Historical 217

218 i

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Perspective (New York , 1973) , 376 ; an d Lydi a Sigourney' s suggestion s abou t maternal responsibilit y fo r maintainin g femal e healt h an d strengt h "fo r th e community's welfare, " Letters to Mothers (Hartford, 1838) , 72-73 , microfilm , Reel 181 , #1182, Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College . Fo r the turn-of-the century advic e literature , se e chapte r 2 . Se e als o Phili p Wylie , Generation of Vipers (Ne w York , 1946) ; Davi d Levy , Maternal Overprotection (New York , 1943); an d mor e recently , Selm a N . Fraiberg , Every Child's Birthright: In Defense of Mothering (New York , 1977) . 6. Nanc y Friday , My Mother, My Self (New York , 1977) . 7. Judit h Arcana , Our Mothers' Daughters (Berkeley , 1979) , 5 . Se e als o Marcia Westkott's observation tha t "the story of mother s and daughters take s place i n th e worl d o f th e father " in "Mother s an d Daughter s i n the Worl d o f the Father, " Frontiers 3 , 2 (Summer 1978) : 16-17 . 8. Arcana , Our Mothers' Daughters, 18,9 . 9. Adrienn e Rich , Of Woman Born, 236-37 , 244 . Se e als o Doroth y Din nerstein, The Mermaid and the Minotaur (Ne w York , 1976) . 10. Rich , Of Woman Born, 248 . 11. Discussion s o f th e problem s engendere d b y materna l caretakin g i n a male-dominant societ y hav e no t bee n limite d t o a focu s o n daughters . Fo r more genera l commentary , se e Doroth y Dinnerstein , The Mermaid and the Minotaur; Jan e Lazarre , The Mother Knot (Ne w York , 1976) ; an d Shulamit h Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex (London, 1972) . 12. Jan e Flax , "Th e Conflic t betwee n Nurturanc e an d Autonom y i n Mother-Daughter Relationship s an d withi n Feminism, " Feminist Studies 4, 2 (June, 1978) : 171-89 . 13. Sign e Hammer , Daughters and Mothers: Mothers and Daughters (Ne w York, 1975) , xv-xvi . 14. Nanc y M . Chodorow , The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender (Berkeley, 1978) . Se e als o Chodorow's collecte d essays , Feminism and Psychoanalytic Theory (Ne w Haven , 1989) , especiall y "Famil y Structure an d Feminin e Personality " and "Th e Fantas y of th e Perfec t Mother " (with Susa n Contratto) ; an d Elizabet h J . Arie s an d Ros e R . Olver , "Self Other Differentiatio n an d th e Mother-Chil d Relationship, " Berkshire Review 21 (1986) : 31-52 . Fo r relevan t examination s o f object-relation s theory , se e Jay R . Greenber g an d Stephe n A . Mitchell , Object Relations in Psychoanalytic Theory (Cambridge, Mass. , 1983) , and Judith M . Hughes, Reshaping the Psychoanalytic Domain (Berkeley, 1989) . 15. Jea n Bake r Miller , Toward a New Psychology of Women, 2d ed. (Boston , 1987); Caro l Gilligan , In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development (Cambridge, Mass. , 1982) . Se e als o th e essay s b y Judith V . Jordan, Alexandr a G . Kaplan , Jean Bake r Miller , Iren e P . Stiver , an d Janet L . Surrey i n Women's Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center (Ne w York, 1991) . 16. See , fo r example , Paul a J . Caplan , Don't Blame Mother: Mending the

i. "THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 21

9

Mother-Daughter Relationship (New York , 1989) , an d Evely n Bassoff , Mothers and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go (New York , 1988) . 17. Kare n Payne , ed. , Between Ourselves: Letters between Mothers and Daughters, 1 j50-1982 (Boston , 1983) , 5. 18. Sign e Hammer , Daughters and Mothers: Mothers and Daughters. Ham mer (p. xiii) suggests tha t the relationship' s emotiona l powe r and importanc e may hav e bee n increase d precisel y becaus e i t ha s bee n ignored : "Wha t i s taken fo r granted , an d therefor e ignored , ma y b e th e mos t powerful. " Se e also Payne, Between Ourselves, xiv—xv . 19. "Th e Femal e Worl d o f Lov e an d Ritual, " "Hearing Women' s Words : A Feminis t Reconstructio n o f History, " an d "Th e Ne w Woma n a s Androg yne: Socia l Disorde r an d Gende r Crisis , 1870-1936, " i n Carrol l Smith-Ro senberg, Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America (New York , 1985), 53-76 , 11-52 , 245-96 ; an d Pete r G . Filene , Him/Her/Self, 2 d ed . (Baltimore, 1986) , 20-25 . 20. Fo r overview s o f th e change s i n women' s lives , se e Car l Degler , At Odds: Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the Present (Ne w York, 1980) ; Margare t G . Wilson , The American Woman in Transition: I8JO1920 (Ne w York , 1979) ; Mar y P . Ryan , Womenhood in America (Ne w York , 1975); and Filene , Him/Her/Self chap . 1 . 21. Filene , Him/Her/Self 18-19 . 22. Caro l Z. Stearns and Pete r N. Stearns, Anger: The Struggle for Emotional Control in America's History (Chicago, 1986) , especially chap. 4. Fo r an interest ing exampl e o f child-rearin g advic e regardin g gender-specifi c socializatio n patterns, se e Georg e A . Hubbell , Up through Childhood: A Study of Some Principles of Education in Relation to Faith and Conduct (New York , 1904) , especiall y chaps. 2 3 and 24 . 23. Joh n Higham , "The Reorientation o f American Cultur e in the 1890s, " in Joh n Higham , Writing American History: Essays in Modern Scholarship (Bloomington, Ind. , 1970) ; Pete r Conn , The Divided Mind: Ideology and Imagination in America, 1898—191 7 (Cambridge , Mass. , 1983) , especiall y chap . 1; Filene , Him/Her/Self, 18-19. Se e als o Sheil a Rothman' s characterizatio n of th e dichotom y create d fo r wome n b y th e contras t betwee n th e impac t o f social an d cultura l change s an d th e continue d existenc e o f th e ideolog y of virtuou s womanhood : "Ther e pervade s throughou t th e perio d a sense o f opportunity limite d b y obligation , o f socia l realit y limite d b y ideology, " i n Introduction t o Mario n Harland , Eve's Daughters Or Common Sense for Maid, Wife and Mother, reprint of 188 2 ed. (Ne w York , 1978) . 24. Caroly n Forrey , "Th e Ne w Woma n Revisited, " Women's Studies 2 , 1 (1974): 38-39 ; Filene , Him/Her/Self, 6-25 . Se e als o Luc y Bland , "Marriag e Laid Bare : Middle-Clas s Wome n an d Marita l Sex , 1880s—1914, " i n Jan e Lewis, ed. , Labour and Love: Women's Experience of Home and Family, 1850— 1940 (Oxford , 1986) , 133 . 25. Barbar a Mille r Solomon , In the Company of Educated Women (Ne w

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. "THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE"

Haven, 1985) . Joseph Ket t ha s suggeste d tha t th e growt h o f femal e second ary educatio n i n th e nineteent h centur y reflecte d th e fac t tha t girl s ha d les s obvious economi c valu e tha n thei r brother s i n middle-clas s families . I n a certain sense , the y wer e superfluous . Hence , the y wer e kep t in school longe r than boys . Fo r som e families , a n educate d daughte r coul d represen t " a sort of prestig e symbol , a crud e for m o f conspicuou s consumption. " Joseph F . Kett, Rites of Passage: Adolescence in America y iygo to the Present (New York , *977)> 138 . 26. Filene , Him/Her/Self, 26; Robert a Wein , "Women' s College s an d Do mesticity," History of Education Quarterly 1 4 (Sprin g 1974) : 31-47 . Fo r a contemporary discussio n o f th e growt h o f women' s highe r education , se e Earl Barnes , "The Feminizin g o f Culture, " Atlantic Monthly 109 (June 1912) . 27. Filene , Him/Her/Self 26 . 28. Ibid. , 29 . The marriag e rate s of colleg e wome n wer e als o affecte d b y demographic factors . Fo r example, i n 190 0 men outnumbered wome n i n the western par t of th e countr y an d i n man y rura l areas , whil e i n som e area s o f the East and i n urban areas , women wer e mor e numerous. Fo r an interestin g analysis of th e phenomeno n o f spinsterhoo d i n th e era of th e "ne w woman," see Rut h Freema n an d Patrici a Klaus , "Blesse d o r Not ? The Ne w Spinste r in England an d th e Unite d State s i n th e Lat e Nineteent h an d Earl y Twentiet h Centuries," Journal of Family History 9 , 4 (Winte r 1984) : 394-414 . Freema n and Klau s (398 , 408 ) cit e contemporar y magazin e article s tha t accep t an d justify spinsterhood , bu t the y als o find evidenc e o f cultura l ambivalenc e o n this topi c i n th e for m o f novel s tha t affir m th e importanc e o f marriag e eve n for th e "ne w woman. " 29. Filene , Him/Her/Self 40 . 30. Doroth y Dix , "Th e Gir l o f Today, " Good Housekeeping 62 (Marc h 1916): 288 , 290-91 . See als o Carroll Smith-Rosenberg, "Th e Ne w Woma n as Androgyne: Socia l Disorde r an d Gende r Crisis , 1870-1936, " i n Disorderly Conduct, 245—96. 31. E . S . Martin , "Mother s an d Daughters, " Good Housekeeping 6 4 (Ma y 1917): 27. For another positiv e appraisal of the qualities of the "new woman," see Lillia n Bell , From a Girl's Point of View (New York , 1897) . 32. Mar y Kelley , Introduction , an d An n Uhr y Abrams, "Frozen Goddess : The Imag e o f Woma n i n Turn-of-the-Centur y Art, " i n Mar y Kelley , ed. , Woman's Being, Woman's Place: Female Identity and Vocation in American History (Boston, 1979) , 90, 94, 106 . For an interesting, detailed discussion o f cultura l images o f America n womanhoo d i n th e lat e nineteent h an d earl y twentiet h centuries, se e Marth a Banta , Imaging American Women: Idea and Ideals in Cultural History (New York , 1987) . 33. Undoubtedl y mor e tha n a few youn g wome n woul d stil l hav e agree d with th e observation s o f a youn g wif e regardin g th e deat h o f on e o f he r peers: "I t seem s t o m e sa d tha t an y person,—especiall y a youn g person, — should di e befor e havin g completel y lived , an d withou t marriag e th e dept h & heigth [sic] of lif e canno t b e reached" ; Am y Aldi s Bradle y t o he r mother ,

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1

Mary Aldis , Februar y 18 , 1894 , Serie s III , Folde r 96 , Carto n 3 , Bradle y Family Collection, Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College . 34. Daughters and Mothers: Mothers and Daughters, xiv. 35. Jame s R . McGovern , "Th e America n Woman' s Pre-Worl d Wa r I Freedom i n Manner s an d Morals, " Journal of American History 55, 2 (Septem ber 1968) : 315-33 36. Mar y Bet h Norton , Liberty's Daughters: The Revolutionary Experience of American Women, 1750-1800 (Boston , 1980) , 12—18 , 23-26 , 102—4 . ^ik e Smith-Rosenberg, Norto n (105-9 ) stresse s the centrality of female friendshi p in women's lives. 37. Nanc y F . Cott , The Bonds of Womanhood: "Woman's Sphere" in New England, 1780-1835 (Ne w Haven , 1977) . 38. Norton , Liberty's Daughters, 276—78. 39. Terr i L . Premo, Winter Friends: Women Growing Old in the New Republic, 1785-1835 (Urban a an d Chicago , 1990) , 57-82 ; Marily n Ferri s Motz , True Sisterhood: Michigan Women and Their Kin (Albany , 1983) . 40. See , fo r example , Debora h Norri s Logan' s observations : " I ofte n think o f m y dear mother . Thi s mornin g I thought tha t she woul d hav e bee n made mor e outwardl y comfortabl e b y som e o f th e improvement s whic h w e now have ; especiall y th e defens e fro m th e cold . An d a s t o he r menta l trials , as I hav e gon e alon g i n lif e I fel t sympath y tha t sh e ha d s o man y an d the y were s o severe . Thes e grea t perplexitie s an d difficultie s wer e no t monetar y ones. Sh e ha d a goo d fortun e a t he r ow n command . An d I rejoic e tha t sh e had it. " Diar y o f Debora h Norri s Logan , Februar y 13 , 1833 , quote d i n Penelope Franklin , ed., Private Pages; Diaries of American Women, 1830S-1970S (New York , 1986) , 459-60 . 41. Suzann e Lebsock , The Free Women of Petersburg: Status and Culture in a Southern Town, 1784-1860 (Ne w York , 1984) , 77-79 , 136 . Th e quotatio n i s from a n unidentifie d will . I a m gratefu l t o Professo r Pete r Karste n fo r suggesting thi s reference o n th e disposition o f women's property . 42. Se e characterizations o f tha t world i n Smith-Rosenberg, "Th e Femal e World o f Lov e and Ritual, " in Disorderly Conduct, and Filene , Him/Her/Self 43. Th e us e of th e ter m "valorization " to describe th e nineteenth-centur y emphasis o n th e hom e come s fro m Glenn a Matthews , "Just a Housewife": The Rise and Fall of Domesticity in America (New York , 1987) , 89 . Fo r discussions o f the evolutio n o f concept s o f women' s spher e an d motherhood , se e Mar y Ryan, The Empire of the Mother: American Writing about Domesticity (Ne w York , 1982); Jan Lewis , "Mother's Love : The Constructio n o f a n Emotio n i n Nine teenth-Century America, " in Barnes and Stearns, eds., Social History and Issues in Human Consciousness, 209-29 ; an d Mar y Bet h Norton , "Th e Parado x o f 'Women's Sphere, ' " in Caro l Berki n an d Mar y Bet h Norton , eds. , Women of America: A History (Boston, 1979) . 44. Danie l Scot t Smith, "Family Limitation, Sexual Control , and Domesti c Feminism i n Victorian America," in Mar y S. Hartma n an d Loi s Banner , eds. , Clio's Consciousness Raised (New York , 1974) , 119-36 . O n domesti c feminism ,

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see als o Degler , At Odds, chap . 11 , 249-78 ; Cott , The Bonds of Womanhood; Norton, "Th e Parado x o f * Women's Sphere ' "; Kathryn Kis h Sklar, Catharine Beecher: A Study in American Domesticity (Ne w York , 1973) ; Matthews , "Just a Housewife"; Dolore s Hayden , The Grand Domestic Revolution: A History of Feminist Designs for American Homes, Neighborhoods, and Cities (Cambridge, Mass. , 1981); an d Barbar a Harris , Beyond Her Sphere: Women and the Professions in American History (Westport, Conn. , 1978) . 45. Fo r evaluativ e discussion s o f domesti c feminism , se e Smith , "Famil y Limitation, Sexua l Control , an d Domesti c Feminis m i n Victoria n America" ; Harris, Beyond Her Sphere; Norton, "Th e Parado x of'Women's Sphere ' "; and Cott, The Bonds of Womanhood. 46. Aureli a Smit h t o he r mother , July 1 , 1850 , an d July 21 , 1850 , Bo x 1 , Folder 48, Hooke r Collection , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . 47. Mari a Avery t o Mrs . Asenat h Avery , January 10 , 1846 , Bo x 2 , Folde r 83; Fanni e Russel l t o Mrs . E . Augustine Russell , July 1 , 1848 , Bo x 2 , Folde r 82. Bot h i n Hooke r Collection , ibid . 48. Fra n Myr a (unclear : Egan? ) t o he r mother , July 9 , 1852 , and Augus t 31, 1852 , Box 2 , Folder 103 , Hooke r Collection , ibid . 49. Lemir a (n o last name) t o her mother, Ma y 1 , 1853 , Box 2 , Folder 104 , Hooker Collection , ibid . 50. Se e letter s fro m Aureli a Smith , September 8 , 1850 , Bo x 1 , Folder 48 , Hooker Collection , ibid. , an d fro m August a Sewal l t o Abb y Morgridg e Se wall, Februar y 17 , 1862 , Marc h 22 , 1862 , Ma y 8 , 1862 , Septembe r 9 , 1865 , December 30 , 1865 , Bo x 1 , Folde r 9 , Sewal l Famil y Papers , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College . 51. See , fo r example , letter s fro m Salli e Joy White , wh o becam e th e first woman journalist i n Bosto n whe n sh e wa s appointe d a specia l reporte r fo r the Bosto n Post i n 1870 , t o he r mother . Salli e Jo y Whit e Papers , Bo x 1 , Folder 5, Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 52. August a Sewal l t o Abby Morgridg e Sewall , Decembe r 4 , 1862 , Bo x 1 , Folder 9, Sewall Famil y Papers . 53. Emil y Perkin s Hal l t o Mar y Perkins , postscrip t date d Februar y 22 , 1857, an d lette r date d Februar y (unclear) , 1857 , bot h i n Bo x 32b , Folde r 807, Hal e Famil y Collection , Sophi a Smit h Collection , Smit h College . Se e also Emily' s lette r date d Marc h 23 , 1857 , whic h describe s a dream tha t he r mother ha d returne d hom e earl y "fro m som e mistake n ide a tha t w e ha d insisted upo n it, " and whe n sh e realize d tha t sh e coul d hav e staye d longer , "instead o f makin g th e bes t o f i t and bein g gla d t o see us, " had bee n "down cast and doleful," in Bo x 32b , Folde r 807 . 54. Hanna h Chandle r t o he r mother , Decembe r 16 , n.d. , Bo x 2 , Folde r 135, Hooke r Collection. (Thi s entire collection consist s of nineteenth-centur y correspondence.) 55. Sara h Watso n Dan a t o he r mother , Sara h Watso n Dana , Apri l 9 , 1858, Bo x 16 , Folde r 37 , Dan a Famil y Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College.

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56. August a Sewal l t o Abb y Morgridg e Sewall , Februar y 19 , 1873 , an d December 13 , 1873 , Box 1 , Folder 12 , Sewall Famil y Papers . 57. Abb y Morgridg e Sewal l t o August a Sewall , Decembe r 14 , 1856 , Bo x 1, Folder 6 , Sewall Famil y Papers. Fo r additional expression s o f he r affectio n for he r daughter , se e als o letter s fro m Mrs . Sewal l t o he r siste r Seren a Brown, July 23 , 1854 , and July 1 , 1855 , m Bo x * » Folder 4 . 58. Abb y Morgridg e Sewal l t o he r siste r Seren a Brown , Jul y 17 , 1853 , Box 1 , Folde r 3 , Sewal l Famil y Papers . Fo r Hammer' s concept , se e above , P- 959. Lette r t o Ann a M . Westo n fro m he r mother , Ma y 20 , 1843 , Bo x 2 , Folder 71 , Hooker Collection . 60. Diar y o f anonymou s far m woman , vol . 1 , Ada Carte r Hopso n Collec tion, Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . Se e als o othe r diar y entrie s fo r 1871. 61. Se e entrie s fo r 187 1 an d 1873 , Diary of Meliss a Carter , vols . 2 and 3 , Ada Carte r Hopso n Collection , ibid . 62. Februar y 6 , 1871 , an d Februar y 17 , 1871 , Diar y o f Meliss a Carter , vol. 2 , Ada Carte r Hopso n Collection , ibid . 63. Fo r anothe r exampl e o f simila r diar y evidenc e regardin g clos e an d frequent mother-daughte r interaction , se e Elizabet h Crowinshiel d Ham mond's diar y for 1856-64 , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . 64. Fo r additiona l examples , se e Smith-Rosenberg , "Th e Femal e Worl d of Lov e an d Ritual" ; Marily n Ferri s Motz , True Sisterhood; and Nanc y M . Theriot, The Biosocial Construction of Femininity: Mothers and Daughters in Nineteenth-Century America (Westport, Conn. , 1988) , 76—77 . Fo r a useful , genera l discussion o f th e earl y nineteent h century , se e Cott, The Bonds of Womanhood, especially chap . 5 . 65. France s Willard , Glimpses of Fifty Years: The Autobiography of an American Woman (Chicago, 1889 ; reprinted 1970) . 66. Rebecca h Roo t t o Weltha Brown , August 7 , 1815 , Hooke r Collection , quoted i n Cott, The Bonds of Womanhood, 178 . 67. Theriot , The Biosocial Construction of Femininity, 77. 68. Elle n K . Rothman , Hands and Hearts: A History of Courtship in America (New York , 1984) , 118 , 120-22 , 214 , 217 . 69. Mrs . George Hodge s t o Kat e Hodges , Apri l 3 , 1861 , and Octobe r 22 , 1861, Folde r 2 , Hodge s Famil y Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e Col lege. 70. Mrs . Georg e Hodge s t o Kat e Hodges , n.d . (probabl y i860) ; Apri l 1 8 and 23 , i860 ; Ma y 11 , i860 ; July 9 , i860 ; Folde r 1 , Hodge s Famil y Papers , ibid. See especiall y he r comment, July 9 , i860 : "Ther e i s an old adag e whic h I think yo u would d o wel l to remember i t is 'don't ride a horse t o death' Your father ha s I thin k bee n ver y indulgen t indee d & ha s denie d yo u scarc e anything yo u hav e aske d for . I thin k yo u shoul d b e a littl e modes t abou t asking fo r mor e favors. " 71. Mrs . George Hodge s to Kate Hodges, April 23 , i860 , Folde r 1 , Hodge s

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- " T HE CENTRAL P R O B L EM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE"

Family Papers , ibid . Se e als o another exchang e o n th e sam e subject , Ma y 11 , i860, Folde r 1 : "The remark yo u quoted abou t my showing my affection wa s not particularl y polit e i n th e youn g lad y wh o sai d i t & still les s s o i n yo u t o repeat it . I writ e a s muc h an d a s ofte n a s I can & in He w [sic] of writin g th e news mysel f go t Lizzi e Pain e t o write you. " 72. Th e nineteent h centur y als o witnesse d th e developmen t o f wha t ha s been describe d a s th e Cul t o f Singl e Blessedness , th e notio n tha t th e singl e life could represen t a socially and personall y valuabl e alternative to marriage , another wa y t o serv e Go d an d d o God' s work. Le e Virgini a Chambers Schiller, Liberty A Better Husband. Single Women in America: The Generations of 1780-1840 (Ne w Haven , 1984) ; Freeman an d Klaus , "Blessed or Not?" 73. Corneli a Hancoc k t o Rachel Hancock , Ma y 9, 1871 , Friends Historica l Library, quoted i n Chambers-Schiller , Liberty A Better Husband, 107. 74. Emil y Howlan d t o Hanna h Howland , July 29 , 1857 , Cornel l Univer sity, quoted i n Chambers-Schiller, Liberty A Better Husband, 118 . 75. Danie l T . Fiske , The Cross and the Crown; or Faith Working by Love: as Exemplified in the Life of Fidelia Fiske (Boston, 1868) , 54-58 , quote d i n Cham bers-Schiller, Liberty A Better Husband, 120-21 . 76. Gai l Hamilto n [pseudony m fo r Mar y A . Dodge] , A New Atmosphere (Boston, 1865) , 4 1 - 4 3, 45 , quote d i n Chambers-Schiller , Liberty A Better Husband, 113 . In th e sam e vein , se e a late r statemen t b y Charlott e Perkin s Gilman : " A duty i s a duty , bu t ther e i s mor e tha n on e wa y o f doin g it ! A gir l ca n tak e care of he r mothe r a s an independen t householde r an d wage earner, provid ing he r wit h th e sam e delicat e generosity , le t u s hope wit h which th e mothe r once Supported ' her ; o r sh e ca n tak e care o f he r as a subordinate, a nurse, a companion, uppe r servant . Wh y i s no t th e firs t better ? . . . The objec t of thi s is t o sugges t t o th e Daughte r tha t sh e i s als o a n Individua l an d a Huma n Being, an d ha s dutie s a s a n individua l t o herself , an d a s a huma n bein g t o her race , as well as the dut y of a daughter t o her mother. " See "A Daughter' s Duty," writte n i n th e earl y 1890s , quote d i n Mar y A . Hill , Charlotte Perkins Gilman: The Making of a Radical Feminist, i860—1896 (Philadelphia , 1980) , i95~96. 77. Harris , Beyond Her Sphere, 102-3. 78. Jea n Strouse , Alice James: A Biography (Boston, 1980) , 46, 202-3 . 79. Marill a Turril l t o Myro n Buck , Novembe r 1 , 1857 , Fiel d Famil y Col lection, Michiga n Historica l Collections , Bentle y Historica l Library , Univer sity of Michigan , quoted i n Motz , True Sisterhood, 116 . 80. Elect a Loomi s t o An n Gennett e Loomi s Preston , Januar y 8 , 1865 , Preston Famil y Collection , Michiga n Historica l Collections , ibid. , quote d i n Motz, True Sisterhood, 68 . 81. Motz , True Sisterhood, 117. Mot z foun d onl y on e exampl e o f a mothe r who complaine d explicitl y abou t abuse . Marth a Col e recorde d suc h com plaints i n he r diar y o n January 5 , 16 , and 25 ; March 31 , June 21 , and July 5 and 24 , 1901 ; Martha Col e Collection, Michiga n Historica l Collections , ibid .

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82. The Letters of Emily Dickinson, ed . Thoma s H . Johnson I I (Cambridge , Mass., 1958) , 475, quoted i n Barbara Ann Clark e Mossberg , "Reconstructio n in th e Hous e o f Art : Emil y Dickinson' s 4 I Neve r Ha d A Mother,' " i n Cath y N. Davidso n an d E . M. Broner, eds. , The Lost Tradition: Mothers and Daughters in Literature (Ne w York , 1980) , 128 . I n additio n t o he r letters , whic h docu ment he r relationshi p wit h her mother , th e voluminou s literatur e o n Dickin son include s tw o studie s tha t focu s extensivel y o n Mrs . Dickinson' s rol e i n her daughter' s lif e an d work : John Cody , After Great Pain: The Inner Life of Emily Dickinson (Cambridge, Mass. , 1971) , an d Jea n Mudge , Emily Dickinson and the Image of Home (Amherst, Mass. , 1975) . 83. Mossberg , "Reconstructio n i n th e Hous e o f Art, " an d Mabe l Collin s Donnelly, The American Victorian Woman: The Myth and the Reality (Westport , Conn., 1986) , 23-26 . 84. Mossberg , "Reconstructio n i n the Hous e o f Art. " 85. Marg o E. Horn, "Family Ties: The Blackwells . A Study in the Dynam ics o f Famil y Lif e i n Nineteenth-Centur y America " (Ph.D . diss. , Tuft s Uni versity, 1980) , 106-8 , 176-77 ; Diar y o f Elizabet h Blackwell , Februar y 23 , 1838, and Decembe r 4 , 1838 , quoted i n ibid., 106 . 86. Ibid. , 107-8 ; Diar y o f Emil y Blackwell , Marc h 25 , 1851 , quote d o n 108. On e daughter , Marian , manage d t o maintai n a closer relationshi p wit h her mother ; ibid., 106 . 87. O n th e issu e of financial support, se e Marily n Ferri s Motz's discussio n of th e rol e playe d by the female famil y network , i n True Sisterhood. 88. Joa n Jacob s Brumberg , "Chlorotic Girls , 1870-1920 : A Historica l Perspective o n Femal e Adolescence, " Child Development 53, 6 (Decembe r 1982) : 1468-77. 89. Barbar a Welter , "Th e Cul t o f Tru e Womanhood. " See , fo r example , Charlotte Perkin s Giiman' s classi c shor t story , "Th e Yello w Wallpaper, " i n The Yellow Wallpaper and Other Writings by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, ed . Lynn e Sharon Schwart z (Ne w York , 1989) . Giiman' s ow n experiences , a s wel l a s those o f othe r assertive , ambitiou s nineteenth-centur y women , als o illustrat e this problem. Se e Hill , Charlotte Perkins Gilman. 90. Sharo n O'Brien , "Tomboyis m an d Adolescen t Conflict : Thre e Nine teenth-Century Cas e Studies, " 351-72 . A recen t stud y b y France s Coga n challenges th e cultura l dominanc e o f th e passiv e idea l o f "tru e womanhood " in Victoria n America . Coga n maintain s instea d tha t a mor e resourceful , active image , whic h sh e term s "rea l womanhood, " distinguishe d th e mid nineteenth-century popula r fiction an d advic e literature ; thi s argumen t sug gests the possibility that a second and completely differen t se t of expectation s could have created additional confusion an d stress for middle-clas s wives an d mothers durin g this period . Se e All-American Girl: The Ideal of Real Womanhood in Mid~Nineteenth-Century America (Athens, Georgia, 1989) . 91. Steve n Mintz , A Prison of Expectations: The Family in Victorian Culture (New York , 1983) .

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2. "My Girls'Mothers" 1. E . S . Martin , "Mother s an d Daughters, " Good Housekeeping 6 4 (Ma y 1917): 27 . 2. Louis e Collie r Willcox , "Mother s an d Daughters, " Harper's Bazar 4 4 (July 1910) : 452. 3. "Maybell, " Ladies Home Journal 1 (October 1884) . 4. Mrs . Emma C. Hewitt , Ladies Home Journal 3 (February 1886) ; "A Plea for Boardin g Schools, " Ladies Home Journal 6 (September 1889) : 10 . 5. Rut h Ashmore , "M y Girls ' Mothers, " Ladies Home Journal 7 (Octobe r 1890): 12 ; Alan Cameron , " A Woman's Mos t Grievous Mistake, " Ladies Home Journal 1 4 (October 1897) : 10 . 6. Mrs . Burto n Kingsland , "Daughte r a t Sixteen, " Ladies Home Journal 11 (March 1894) : 4. 7. Madelin e Vinto n Dahlgren , "Libertie s o f Ou r Daughters, " Ladies Home Journal 7 (November 1890) : 2 . 8. Ad a E . Hazell , "Tru e Relationshi p o f Mothe r an d Daughter, " Ladies Home Journal 5 (October 1888) : 7. 9. Grac e H . Dodge , "Betwee n Mothe r an d Daughter, " Ladies Home Journal 9 (February 1892) . 10. Fann y Fern , "Tel l You r Mother, " Ladies Home Journal 5 (June 1888) : 16; Ruth Ashmore , " A Girl's Best Friend, " Ladies Home Journal 8 (May 1881) : 12.

11. Kat e Tannat t Woods , "Letter s t o Beth, " no. 11 , Ladies Home Journal 7 (January 1890) : 10 . 12. Rut h Ashmore , "Sid e Talk s wit h Girls, " Ladies Home Journal 9 (Apri l 1892): 16 . See also Rut h Ashmore, "You r Own Familia r Friend," Ladies Home Journal 1 1 (Marc h 1894) : 16 . 13. Hele n Ayre , "Mother' s Birthday, " Ladies Home Journal 1 (Januar y 1884). 14. Hele n Ayre , "A n Ope n Lette r t o th e Girls, " Ladies Home Journal 1 (July 1884) . 15. Mrs . Burto n Kingsland , " A Daughter a t Home: Helpin g He r Mothe r Socially," Ladies Home Journal 1 1 (September 1894) : 14 . 16. Rut h Ashmore , "Th e Sweetes t Wor d i n th e Language, " Ladies Home Journal 2 (May 1890) : 10 . 17. M.E.W . Sherwood , "Ho w Shal l Ou r Girl s Behave? " Ladies Home Journal 5 (October 1888) : 2. 18. Ell a Wheele r Wilcox , "A n Evi l o f America n Daughters, " Ladies Home Journal 7 (April 1890) : 3. 19. "Ho w Girl s Deceive Thei r Parents, " Ladies Home Journal 1 (November 1884). 20. Louis e Collie r Willcox , "Mother s an d Daughters, " Harper's Bazaar 4 4 (July 1910) : 452. 21. Edwar d Bok , "Th e America n Skeleton, " Ladies Home Journal 2 0 (Ma y

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1903): 14 ; "Th e America n Girl : A n Editorial, " Ladies Home Journal (Ma y 1908): 5 ; Gues t Editorial , "A n Ope n Lette r t o th e America n Gir l Wh o Wa s Born betwee n Januar y 1 , 1892 , an d January 1 , 1899, " Ladies Home Journal (September 1910) : 5 ; "Editorial, " Ladies Home Journal 3 3 (Novembe r 1916) : 42. 22. Elizabet h Robinso n Scovil , "Mothe r an d Daughter, " Ladies Home Journal 8 (August 1891) : 16 . 23. Alic e Preston , " A Girl's Preparatio n fo r Marriage, " Ladies Home Journal 2 5 (Marc h 1908) : 22 ; Willia m Le e Howard , M.D. , "Wh y Didn' t M y Parents Tel l Me, " Ladies Home Journal 2 4 (Augus t 1907) : 32 . Se e als o Mrs . Woodallen Chapman , "Ho w Shal l I Tell M y Child : A Littl e Tal k a s Mothe r with Mother, " Ladies Home Journal 2 8 (Januar y 1 , 1911) : 39 , an d "Persona l Experiences o f Mothers, " Ladies Home Journal 2 9 (Ma y 1912) : 28 . 24. "M y Mother Didn' t Tell Me, " Harper's Bazaar 4 6 (Octobe r 1912) : 484 , 52325. See , fo r example , Charle s Nelso n Crittendon , "Fro m Lip s Usuall y Sealed t o th e World, " Ladies Home Journal 2 6 (Januar y 1909) : 23 ; Emil y Calvin Blake , "A Girl's Letter to Her Mother, " Good Housekeeping 58 (Januar y 1914): 5 7 - 6 2 ; Hon . John J. Freschi , "Ho w Strict Ar e Yo u wit h You r Daugh ter," Good Housekeeping 57 (July 1913) : 70-74; and "Wher e One Gir l Began, " Ladies Home Journal 3 4 (Januar y 1917) : 7. 26. Mario n Harland , "Th e Passin g o f th e Hom e Daughter, " The Independent 71 (Jul y 13 , 1911) : 88-91 . 27. Alic e Bartlet t Stimson , "Whe n th e Colleg e Gir l Come s Home, " Harper's Bazar 4 2 (Augus t 1908) : 797-99; Clar a E . Laughlin, "Th e Gir l and He r Own Way, " Ladies Home Journal 2 6 (Februar y 1909) : 34 ; Margare t E . Sang ster, "When th e Daughte r Comes Home, " Woman's Home Companion 39 (Jun e 1912): 4 ; an d E . S . Martin , "Mother s an d Daughters, " Good Housekeeping 64 (May 1917) : 106 . 28. Lilli e Hamilto n French , "Mother s an d Stay-at-Hom e Daughters, " The Delineator 63 (June 1904) : 1016-18 ; "The Case of th e Elderly Mother," Ladies Home Journal 3 6 (Marc h 1919) : 112 ; Harrie t Brunkhurst , "Th e Gir l Whos e Mother I s 'Old,' " Ladies HomeJournal 35 (Jun e 1919) : 132 ; Helen C . Candee, "The Habi t o f Bein g a Girl, " Ladies Home Journal 1 8 (Ma y 1901) : 34 ; Hele n Watterson Moody , "Th e Tryin g Tim e betwee n Mothe r an d Daughter, " Ladies Home Journal (Februar y 1901) : 20 ; Emil y Calvi n Blake , "Th e Girl s I Knew," Ladies Home Journal 2 8 (Marc h 1 , 1911) : 20 , 75 ; Lilli e Hamilto n French, "Th e Gir l Wh o i s Irritabl e a t Home, " Harper's Bazar 4 3 (Ma y 1909) : 480—83; Katherin e Ferguson , "Ninety-nin e Girl s Ou t o f a Hundred, " Woman's Home Companion 43 (Augus t 1916) : 8. 29. Charle s Edwar d Jefferson , " A Sermo n t o Grown-u p Daughters, " Woman's Home Companion 43 (Februar y 1916) : 7 . 30. Margare t E . Sangster, "Girls ' Problems," Ladies Home Journal 1 9 (March 1902): 29 ; "Mrs . Sangster' s Girls ' Problems, " Ladies Home Journal 2 0 (Apri l 1903): 34 ; "Mrs . Sangster' s Hear t t o Hear t Talk s wit h Girls, " Ladies Home

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Journal 2 0 (Novembe r 1903) : 42 ; (Januar y 1904) : 30 ; (Apri l 1904) : 32 ; an d (May 1904) : 26 . 31. Rut h Ashmore , "Sid e Talk s wit h Girls, " Ladies Home Journal 1 0 (Jul y 1 ^93): 3 . Se e als o Ameli a E . Barr , "Mother s a s Match-Makers, " Ladies Home Journal^ (Apri l 1891) : 8 . 32. Editorial , Ladies Home Journal^28 (Marc h 15 , 1911) : 5. 33. Rut h Ashmore , "Th e Mothe r o f M y Girl, " Ladies Home Journal 1 1 (September 1894) : 16 ; "Antagonis m betwee n Mother s an d Daughters, " The Independent 53 (Septembe r 26 , 1901) : 2310-11 . 34. Mrs . Pelham , " A Daughte r o f Today, " Ladies Home Journal 3 2 (Janu ary 1915) : 26 ; Margare t E . Sangster , "Mrs . Sangster' s Hom e Page : Mothe r and Daughter, " Woman's Home Companion 36 (Marc h 1909) : 44. 35. Edwar d Bok , "Dedicate d t o th e America n Parent, " Ladies Home Journal 1 9 (Januar y 1902) : 18 ; "Mothers ' Meetings, " Ladies Home Journal 1 9 (April 1902) : 22 ; Edwar d Bok , "Th e Socia l Lif e o f a Youn g Girl, " Ladies Home Journal 1 9 (September 1902) : 16 ; Nellie Comin s Whitaker, "The Moth er's Part, " Woman's Home Companion 4 0 (Jun e 1913) : 32 ; Sara h Comstock , "Today's Schoolgirl , Tomorrow' s Mother, " Good Housekeeping 63 (Septembe r 1916): 44-45> 148-5° 36. See , fo r example , th e serie s o f editoria l article s publishe d i n Woman's Home Companion 36 (1909) , whic h argue d tha t American girl s would eventu ally lead primaril y domestic live s even i f they worked fo r several years befor e marriage, an d th e editoria l i n Ladies Home Journal 2 9 (Octobe r 1912) : 5 - 6 , which criticize d mother s wh o wer e oppose d t o "newfangle d notions " an d thus would no t allo w thei r daughters t o practic e ne w domestic approaches a t home. 37. Editorial , Ladies Home Journal 3 0 (Novembe r 1913) : 5-6 ; Edwar d Bok, "Th e Socia l Lif e o f a Youn g Girl, " Ladies Home Journal 1 9 (Septembe r 1902): 16 . 38. Rut h Harding , "Ho w I Blundere d a s a Mother, " Woman's Home Companion 37 (Ma y 1910) : 16 ; "How I Nearly Ruine d M y Two Daughter s as Told by One Mothe r fo r th e Benefi t o f Othe r Mothers, " in "Lif e Storie s fro m th e Experiences o f Rea l Women," Ladies Home Journal 2 7 (January 1910) : 11 , 48; "The Mistak e I Mad e Wit h 'M y Littl e Daughter,' " in "Persona l Experience s of Mothers, " Ladies Home Journal 3 1 (Februar y 1914) : 28 ; Rut h Harding , "How I Blundered a s a Daughter," Woman's Home Companion 36 (July 1909) : 9; "Th e Lesso n M y Childre n Hav e Taugh t Me . B y a Mother, " Ladies Home Journal 3 6 (Ma y 1919) : 108 . 39. Se e above, p . 28 . 40. Theodor e Peterson , Magazines in the Twentieth Century (Urbana, 111. , 1964), 11-12 . 41. Ja y Mechling , "Advic e t o Historian s o n Advic e t o Mothers,"Journal of Social History 9 (1975) : 45—63. 42. Peterson , Magazines in the Twentieth Century, 6 , 11-12 , 14 , 85.

i. " T HE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 22

9

43. Ibid. , 14 . 44. Ibid. , 140-41 , 165 , 219-20 ; Fran k Luthe r Mott , A History of American Magazines, V0L3 , 1865-188 5 (Cambridge , Mass.) , 388-90 . 45. Fo r example, Gertrud e Battle s Lane , wh o joined th e staf f o f Woman's Home Companion in 1903 , assumed th e editorship i n 1912 . Unde r he r leader ship, th e magazin e wa s competing with th e Ladies Home Journal fo r firs t plac e in th e field o f women' s magazine s b y th e 1930s . Othe r prominen t editor s included Theodor e Dreise r an d Honor e Willsi e Morrow , bot h o f who m edited th e Delineator betwee n 190 7 an d 1921 ; Peterson , Magazines in the Twentieth Century, 118—19 , 140—41 , 166. 46. Christophe r Lasch , The New Radicalism in America, 1889-1963 (Ne w York, 1965) , 4 7 - 5 0 . 47. Mario n Harland , Eve's Daughters, or Common Sense for Maid, Wife and Mother, reprint o f 188 2 ed. (Ne w York , 1978) , 311-12 . 48. Gabrieli e E . Jackson, Mother and Daughter (Ne w Yor k an d London , i9°5)» 3 > 63> 8 1 - 8 2, 104 , 114 , 129 . 49. Ibid. , 85-86 . 50. Gabrieli e E . Jackson, A series of don ts for mothers, who may, or may not, stand in need of them (Boston, 1903) , 65, 8 0 - 8 1 , 89 , 76—77. 51. Carolin e W . Latimer, Girl and Woman, a Book for Mothers and Daughters (New Yor k and London , 1910) , 32-33 . 52. Ibid. , 76 . 53. Doroth y Canfiel d Fisher , Mothers and Children (New York , 1914) , 16 1 — 62. 54. Ibid. , 205-6 . 55. Ibid. , 247-49 , 2 &256. Ibid. , 266 . 57. Jackson , Mother and Daughter, 137-38, 135—36 . 58. Hele n Eki n Starrett , After College, What? For Girls (Ne w York , 1896) , 13,15-17,24. 59. Ibid. , 1 6 - 1 7 , 9 , l 960. Margare t Sangster, Radiant Motherhood: A Book for the Twentieth-Century Mother (Indianapolis, 1905) , 189-90 . 61. Margare t Sangster, The Little Kingdom of Home (New York , 1905) , 415 . 62. The Little Kingdom of Home, 430-31; Radiant Motherhood, 194—95. 63. Latimer , Girl and Woman, 138-44 ; Harland , Eve's Daughters, 79, 83. 64. Eve's Daughters, 83. 65. A series of don'ts for mothers, 85 . 66. Latimer , Girl and Woman, 261—62. 67. Alin e Lydi a Hoffman , The Social Duty of Our Daughters: A Mother's Talke with Mothers and Their Grown Daughters (Philadelphia, 1908) , 7 , 9 , 64 — 65, 34> 38. 68. Ibid. , 59-60 . 69. Jame s C . Fernald , The New Womanhood (Boston, 1891) , 127-28 .

23°

2. " M Y G I R L S ' M O T H E R S "

70. Ibid. , 197 , 235-36 . 71. Frederi c Willia m Farrar , Woman*s Work in the Home as Daughter; as Wife, and as Mother (Philadelphia, 1895) , 16 , 23-24, 31. 72. Elle n Key , The Renaissance of Motherhood, trans . Anna E . B. Frie s (Ne w York an d London , 1914) , v-vi, 115 . 73. Elizabet h Macfarlan e Chesser , Women, Marriage and Motherhood (Ne w York and London , 1913) , 226-43 . 74. After College, What? For Girls; als o Hele n Eki n Starrett , The Charm of Fine Manners. Being a Series of Letters to a Daughter (Philadelphi a an d London , 1920).

75. Hele n Eki n Starrett , Letters to Elder Daughters, Married and Unmarried (Chicago, 1892) , 127-29 . 76. Jessic a G . Cosgrave , Mothers and Daughters (New York , 1925) , 22. 77. Ibid. , 8 0 - 8 1 , 42 . 78. Bernar d Wishy , The Child and the Republic: The Dawn of Modern American Child Nurture (Philadelphia , 1968) , 105-7 , 115-20 . Othe r suc h group s included th e Mothers ' Club of Cambridg e an d th e Mothers ' Discussion Clu b of Cambridge , establishe d respectivel y i n 187 8 an d 1899 . Th e record s o f both of thes e organization s ar e i n th e Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 79. Pete r Conn , The Divided Mind: Ideology and Imagination in America, 1898-1917 (Cambridge , Mass. , 1983) , especially chap . 1 . 80. Mar y P . Ryan, Womanhood in America (New York , 1975) , 12 . 81. Carrol l Smith-Rosenber g ha s note d th e importanc e o f examinin g th e relationship betwee n prescriptiv e literatur e an d unpublishe d persona l docu ments specificall y fo r th e developmen t o f knowledg e abou t women' s experi ences i n th e past ; "Th e Ne w Woma n an d th e Ne w History, " Feminist Studies 3, 1/ 2 (Fal l 1975) : 185—98 . For a more genera l example , se e the discussion o f the relationshi p betwee n th e ris e o f siblin g jealousy i n th e earl y twentiet h century an d th e treatmen t o f th e topi c i n th e prescriptiv e literatur e i n Pete r N. Stearns , "The Ris e of Siblin g Jealousy i n the Twentieth Century, " in Caro l Z. an d Pete r N . Stearns , eds. , Emotion and Social Change: Toward a New Psychohistory (Ne w York , 1987) , 193-222 . O n th e pitfall s o f assumin g corre spondence betwee n prescriptiv e literatur e an d famil y behavior , se e Ja y Mechling, "Advic e t o Historian s o n Advic e t o Mothers, " Journal of Social History 9 (Fall 1975) : 4 5 - 6 3. Mar y Beth Norto n ha s commented o n this topic, specifically wit h regar d t o th e probabl e discrepanc y betwee n th e divers e experiences o f nineteenth-centur y wome n an d th e socia l norm s formulate d mainly b y me n an d articulate d i n advic e manuals ; se e "Th e Parado x o f 'Women's Sphere,' " i n Caro l Rut h Berki n an d Mar y Bet h Norton , eds. , Women of America: A History (Boston, 1979) , 140-46 . Se e als o Ernest Earnest , The American Eve in Fact and Fiction (Urbana , 111. , 1974).

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1

3. "Cultural Work" 1. Doroth y Canfield Fisher , The Bent Twig (New York, 1915) , 442-43. 2. Ibid. , 475. 3. Mary Olivier: A Life (New York, 1919) , 249—50. 4. Jan e Tompkins , Sensational Designs: The Cultural Work of American Fiction, 1790—1860 (Ne w York , 1985) , xi , 200 , xvi . Se e als o th e paralle l interpretation o f th e natur e and functio n o f th e nove l suggeste d b y Alfre d Habegger in the preface to his book, Gender, Fantasy, and Realism in American Literature (Ne w York , 1982) . I a m gratefu l t o Professo r Willia m Len z fo r calling these sources to my attention. 5. Tompkins , Sensational Designs, xvi-xix , 3-39 . Traditionally , popula r novels hav e bee n effectivel y disregarde d a s objects o f literar y stud y o n th e grounds that their content and conventions render them suspect as works of art. Hence literary critics have ignored mos t of th e nineteenth-century best sellers that were bought and read by a wide audience of middle-class Americans. 6. Wit h regar d t o th e histor y o f women' s lives , Patrici a Branc a ha s pointed t o the misconceptions fostere d b y historians' reliance on the images of helpless , dependen t female s conveye d i n th e fiction of Jane Austen ; se e Silent Sisterhood: Middle-Class Women in the Victorian Home (London, 1975) , 11. See also Ernest Earnest's observations regarding the discrepancy between the portrayal o f wome n i n th e fiction o f th e lat e eighteent h an d nineteent h centuries an d th e characteristics o f rea l wome n i n The American Eve in Fact and Fiction, 1775-1914 (Urbana , 111. , 1974), 62, 81, 140 ; and Pete r Laslett's concern about the tendency to infer generalizations about a society from the presentation of a novel's central character and its story in The World We Have Lost (London, 1965) , 87. 7. Cath y N . Davidson , Revolution and the Word: The Rise of the Novel in America (Ne w York, 1986) , 260. I am grateful t o Professor Willia m Lenz for suggesting the relevance of Davidson's work for my study. 8. Ibid. , 260 . Fo r a discussio n o f th e similaritie s betwee n fiction an d history, se e Hayde n White , "Th e Fiction s o f Factua l Representation, " i n Angus Fletcher , ed. , The Literature of Fact (Ne w York , 1976) , 21-44 . Fo r a discussion of the use of literature specifically fo r the writing of social history, see Harr y Payne , "The Nove l as Social History : A Reflection o n Methodol ogy," The History Teacher 11,3 (May 1978): 341—51. A particularly interesting discussion o f th e relationshi p betwee n book s an d thei r reader s i s Barbar a Sicherman, "Sens e an d Sensibility : A Cas e Stud y o f Women' s Readin g i n Late-Victorian America, " i n Cath y N . Davidson , ed. , Reading in America: Literature & Social History (Baltimore, 1989) , 201—25. 9. Th e wor k o f Tompkin s an d Cath y Davidso n represent s a curren t trend in literary studies toward placing more emphasis on the interaction of the novel and its social and cultural context as opposed to stressing primarily the forma l principle s o f literar y discourse . Fo r an examination o f th e rela-

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. " T H E C E N T R A L P R O B L E M O F FEMAL E E X P E R I E N C E "

tionship betwee n th e developmen t o f Victoria n famil y pattern s and imagina tive literature , se e Stephe n Mintz , A Prison of Expectations: The Family in Victorian Culture (Ne w York , 1983) . Othe r relevan t studie s includ e Mar y Kelley, Private Woman, Public Stage: Literary Domesticity in Nineteenth-Century America (New York , 1984) , and Nin a Baym , Woman's Fiction: A Guide to Novels by and about Women in America, 1820—18 jo (Ithaca , N.Y. , 1978) , an d Novels, Readers, and Reviewers; Responses to Fiction in Antebellum America (Ithaca, N.Y. , 1984). Focusin g specifically o n th e work of the authors she terms the "literar y domestics," Kelley suggest s tha t thei r novel s integrate d th e private , domesti c side o f thei r ow n live s int o thei r publishe d prose , thu s providin g valuabl e insights int o th e live s o f nineteenth-centur y women . Bay m maintain s tha t nineteenth-century domesti c fiction wa s designe d bot h t o instruc t an d t o entertain. Sh e argue s tha t thes e novel s reflecte d an d contribute d t o th e changes occurring in women's lives, and finds in their tremendous popularit y a significan t indicatio n tha t the y spok e directl y t o th e concern s o f thei r readers. Judith Rowbotha m als o discusse s th e didacti c natur e o f nineteenth century women' s fiction i n Good Girls Make Good Wives (Oxford, 1989) . 10. Mar y P . Ryan , The Empire of the Mother: American Writing about Domesticity, 1830—1860 (Ne w York , 1982) , 10-12 . Se e als o Caro l Dyhouse' s obser vation tha t novel s b y feminis t author s ar e usefu l source s fo r understandin g the nuance s an d th e complexit y o f famil y relationships , particularl y mother daughter interactions , i n Feminism and the Family in England, 1880-1939 (Oxford, 1989) , 185-86 . 11. Baym , Woman's Fiction, 1 1 — 12, 28 , 35 ; Mariann e Hirsch , The Mother! Daughter Plot (Bloomington , Ind. , 1989) , 10-11 . Absent , silent , an d flawed mothers ar e characteristi c o f nineteenth-centur y Englis h novel s a s well . Se e Susan Peck Macdonald, "Jane Austen and the Tradition of the Absent Mother," in Cath y N . Daviso n an d E . M . Broner , eds. , The Lost Tradition: Mothers and Daughters in Literature (New York , 1980) , 58-69 . 12. Baym , Woman's Fiction, 37 . See , fo r example , Susa n Warner' s The Wide, Wide World, first publishe d i n 1850 . One interestin g exceptio n t o thes e generalizations appear s i n Louis a Ma y Alcott' s Little Women, first publishe d in 1868 , wher e th e mothe r serve s a s a majo r sourc e o f guidanc e an d mora l support fo r al l four o f he r daughters. Se e Nin a Auerbach's comments on he r character i n Communities of Women: An Idea in Fiction (Cambridge , Mass. , 1978), 6 2 - 6 3 . 13. Ja n Lewis , "Mother's Love : The Constructio n o f a n Emotion i n Nine teenth-Century America, " i n Andre w E . Barne s an d Pete r N . Stearns , eds. , Social History and Issues in Human Consciousness: Some Interdisciplinary Connections (New York , 1989) , 209-29 . 14. Joa n Manheimer , "Murderou s Mothers : The Proble m of Parentin g i n the Victoria n Novel, " Feminist Studies 5 , 3 (Fal l 1979) : 530-46 ; Sandr a M . Gilbert and Susa n Gubar , The Mad Woman in the Attic (New Haven , 1979) , 59. This i s a complicate d issu e tha t ha s bee n discusse d a t lengt h i n th e critica l literature. See , fo r example , Mariann e Hirsch's contentio n tha t materna l

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absence an d silenc e creat e th e necessar y condition s fo r th e heroine' s devel opment i n The Mother I DaughterPlot: Narrative, Psychoanalysis, Feminism (Bloomington, Ind. , 1989) , 47 . Se e als o Caro l Martin , "N o Ange l i n th e House: Victoria n Mother s an d Daughter s i n Georg e Elio t an d Elizabet h Gaskell," Midwest Quarterly 24, 3 (Spring 1983) : 297—314 . 15. Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg , "Th e Female Worl d of Lov e and Ritual, " in Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America (Ne w York , 1985) , 53—76. Fo r example s o f actua l women' s experience s whic h als o contradic t Smith-Rosenberg's interpretation , se e chapter 1 , pp. 16—19 . 16. Sall y Allen McNall , Who Is in the House? (New York , 1981) . 17. Le e R . Edwards , "Flight s o f Angels : Varietie s o f a Fictiona l Para digm," Feminist Studies 5 , 3 (Fal l 1979) : 547—70 ; Mar y Suzann e Schriber , Gender and the Writer's Imagination: From Cooper to Wharton (Lexington , Ky. , i9 8 7)>918. Caroly n Forrey , "Th e Ne w Woma n Revisited, " Women's Studies 2 , 1 (1974), an d Cath y N . Davidson , "Mother s an d Daughter s i n th e Fictio n o f the New Republic, " in Davidso n an d Broner , eds. , The Lost Tradition, 126 . 19. Fo r a lis t o f relevan t novels , se e Gai l M . Rudenstein , Caro l Farle y Kessler, an d An n M . Moore , "Mother s an d Daughter s i n Literature : A Pre liminary Bibliography, " i n Davidso n an d Broner , eds. , The Lost Tradition, 309-22. I n general , women' s fiction i n th e er a o f th e "ne w woman " place d more emphasis on th e intricacies of heterosexual relationship s tha n on mother daughter interactions . Unti l late r i n th e twentiet h century , mos t narrative s stressed courtshi p an d romanc e rathe r tha n th e mother-daughte r relation ship, althoug h recen t scholarshi p ha s highlighted a continuing bu t recessiv e concern wit h mother s an d daughters i n women's texts . Elizabeth Abel , "Nar rative Structure(s ) an d Femal e Development : Th e Cas e o f Mrs. Dalloway," in Elizabeth Abe l e t al. , The Voyage In: Fictions of Female Development (Hanover , N.H., 1983) . 20. Th e novel s wer e selecte d fro m a bibliograph y o f work s tha t eithe r treat th e mother-daughte r relationshi p centrall y o r portra y i t t o som e de gree. Twenty-seve n America n title s ar e liste d fo r th e perio d betwee n 188 0 and 1920 . Th e sligh t variatio n i n th e tim e fram e fo r th e novel s chose n permits th e discussio n o f severa l work s tha t contai n particularl y interestin g treatments of th e mother-daughte r relationshi p and effectivel y represen t th e cultural transition s a t the beginning an d end o f th e perio d unde r study . On e English nove l wa s als o chosen. Se e Rudenstein , Kessler , an d Moore , "Moth ers an d Daughter s i n Literature : A Preliminar y Bibliography, " i n Davidso n and Broner , eds. , The Lost Tradition, 309-22. Fo r a discussion o f transatlanti c literary connections, se e chapter 8 . 21. Abel , "Narrativ e Structur e an d Femal e Development, " i n Abe l e t al. , The Voyage In. 22. Elizabet h Stuar t Phelp s [Ward] , The Story of Avis (Ne w York , 1977 ; reprint of 187 9 ec *-)> 61-63. 23. Ibid. , 318 .

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24. Ibid. , 264 , 268 . 25. Ibid. , 273 . 26. See , fo r example , Harrie t Burton' s comment s o n he r mother' s death , chapter 4 , p . 74 , an d Ethe l Spencer' s recollection s o f he r feeling s whe n sh e lost her mother : "Whe n sh e died , on e o f th e thing s that must have saddene d all of u s wa s tha t ther e neve r agai n woul d b e anyone wh o s o wholeheartedl y thought w e wer e wonderful" ; se e The Spencers of Amberson Avenue: A Turn-ofthe-Century Memoir, ed . Michae l P . Webe r an d Pete r N . Stearn s (Pittsburgh , i9 8 3)' 1 3 1 27. The Story of Avis, 63 . 28. Ibid. , 456-57 . 29. Mar y E . Wilkins Freeman , Pembroke (New York , 1899 ; first publishe d in 1894) , 16,41,44 , 78 . 30. Ibid. , 125 . 31. Ibid. , 188 , 145 . 32. Sara h Orn e Jewett, The Country of the Pointed Firs (London, 1927 ; firs t published i n 1896) , 5 8 - 6 0 . 33. Ibid. , 6 2 - 6 3 . 34. Ibid. , 78 . 35. Josephin e Donovan , New England Local Color Literature: A Woman's Tradition (Ne w York , 1983) , 116 , 113 , 118 , 107 . See also an intriguin g exam ination o f th e us e of symboli c an d presymboli c languag e i n the novel i n Jean Rohloff, " 'A Quicke r Signal' : Wome n an d Languag e i n Sarah Orn e Jewett's The Country of the Pointed Firs," South Atlantic Review 55, 2 (May 1990) : 33—46; and anothe r interestin g analysi s o f Jewett' s wor k i n Elain e Orr , "Readin g Negotiation an d Negotiate d Reading : A Practic e with/i n ' A Whit e Heron ' and 'Th e Revol t of Mother, ' " The CEA Critic 53 (Spring/Summe r 1991) : 4 9 65. I am gratefu l t o Professors Rober t Corbe r and Willia m Len z respectivel y for calling these articles t o my attention . 36. Will a Cather , The Song of the Lark (Boston , 1963 ; copyright 191 5 an d 1943), 8 2 - 8 3 . 37. Ibid. , 192 , 194 , 198 . 38. Ibid. , 281-83 . 39. Ibid. , 298 , 3 0 1 - 2 . 40. Ibid. , 491-92 . 41. Ibid. , 559 . 42. The Bent Twig, 189 , 219-20 , 267 . 43. Ibid. , 410, 4 4 2 - 4 3, 472 . 44. Ibid. , 472. 45. Ibid. , 475. 46. Mar y Austin , A Woman of Genius (Ne w York , 1912 , reprinte d 1977) , 66-67, 126 . 47. Ibid. , 202 , 206 . 48. Ibid. , 213 . 49. A recen t analysi s o f th e nove l argue s tha t Mrs . Bart views hersel f a s a

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commodity als o an d regard s he r daughter' s beaut y a s a n extensio n o f he r own. Thu s Lil y ha s no t learne d t o separat e he r identit y fro m he r mother's , although sh e ha s destructiv e impulse s tha t represen t rebellion s agains t he r mother's fantasies ; se e Dal e M . Bauer , Feminist Dialogics: A Theory of Failed Community (Albany, 1988) , 101-4 . 50. Edit h Wharton , The House of Mirth (Ne w York , 1905) , 4 6 - 4 7, 53 , 5 5 56. 51. Lind a W . Wagner , "Elle n Glasgow : Daughte r a s Justified," i n David son and Broner , eds. , The Lost Tradition, 140 . 52. Elle n Glasgow, Virginia (Garden City , N.Y. , 1913) , 54. 53. Ibid. , 310 . 54. Elle n Glasgow , Life and Gabriella: The Story of a Woman's Courage (London, 1916) , 7 . 55. Virginia, 397—98 ; Life and Gabriella, 8 5 - 8 6 , 348 . 56. Virginia, 415, 438,424-25 . 57. Ibid. , 4 2 9 - 3 1, 453. 58. Life and Gabriella, 372-73, 336-37 , 375 . 59. Edit h Wharton, The Old Maid (Ne w York , 1924) . 60. Ibid. , 175-76 , 177-79 , 182-83 , 189 . 61. Edit h Wharton , The Mother's Recompense (New York , 1925) , 75—76 , 8 2 - 8 3 , 8 7 , 9 6 - 9 7 , 156-57 6 2 . Ibid. , 2 0 2 .

63. Adelin e R . Tintne r ha s suggeste d tha t Kat e i s unabl e t o tolerat e he r daughter's marriag e t o he r forme r love r becaus e sh e view s Chri s a s a hus band-figure. Hence , eve n a s sophisticate d an d unconventiona l a s sh e is , sh e sees th e marriag e a s incestuous ; se e "Mothers , Daughters , an d Inces t i n th e Late Novel s o f Edit h Wharton, " i n Davidso n an d Broner , eds. , The Lost Tradition, 147—56 . See also Marianne Hirsch's analysis of th e conflict betwee n Kate's sexualit y an d he r daughter' s sexualit y i n The Mother/Daughter Plot, 118-21. 64. Mar y Wilkin s Freeman , The Portion of Labor (New York , 1901) , 2 5 7 58. 65. Ibid. , 15 , 255 . 66. Ibid. , 255 . 67. Ibid. , 363. 68. Ibid. , 219-20 , 488 , 439, 562. 69. Anzi a Yezierska , Bread-Givers (New York , 1925) . 70. Ibid. , 257 . 71. Se e chapte r 8 fo r a discussion o f th e connection s betwee n America n and Englis h cultur e durin g th e lat e Victoria n er a an d th e earl y twentiet h century. Whil e i t is obviously impossibl e t o generalize fro m on e example , i t is interesting to consider whether the depth and intensity of the mother-daugh ter portrai t i n thi s wor k a s compare d t o th e portrayal s i n th e America n novels migh t reflec t an y difference s betwee n America n an d Englis h experi ences.

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72. Ibid. , 124 , 229 . 73. See , for example, Nanc y Friday , My Mother, My Self (New York , 1977) . 74. Mary Olivier, 324—25 . 75. The House of Mirth, 45 . 76. A Woman of Genius, 18-19 , 21 . 77. The Bent Twig, 6 . 78. The Portion of Labor, 337, 488 . 79. Se e chapter 1 , pp. 6 - 7 . 80. I n thi s regard , se e Mariann e Hirsch' s observatio n tha t "th e silence o f mothers abou t thei r own fat e an d th e detail s of thei r lives, insures tha t thos e lives, thos e storie s wil l b e repeate d b y daughters.... Ironically , i f daughter s knew th e mothers ' stories , the y migh t not repea t them" ; se e The Mother/ Daughter Plot, 67 . 81. Fo r an interesting essa y o n th e value of biographical contex t in study ing th e wor k o f wome n writers , se e Barbar a Clark e Mossberg , " A Ros e i n Context: Th e Daughte r Construct, " i n Jerom e J . McGann , ed. , Historical Studies and Literary Criticism (Madison, Wise , 1985) , 199-225 . 82. Kelley , Literary Domestics; Auerbach , Communities of Women; Elain e Showalter, Sexual Anarchy: Gender and Culture and the Fin de Siecle (Ne w York , 1990)83. Th e precis e circumstance s surroundin g thi s event ar e unclear , bu t it s occurrence i s certainly significant . Th e introductio n t o The Story of Avis (197 7 reprint ed. ) note s tha t whe n War d becam e a writer , sh e too k he r mother' s name i n respons e t o he r obsessiv e resentmen t an d grie f ove r th e loss . How ever, othe r evidenc e suggest s tha t sh e wa s given th e nam e immediatel y afte r her mothe r died , an d thu s summaril y los t he r ow n identit y an d he r mothe r at a youn g an d vulnerabl e age . Se e Elizabet h T . Spring , "Elizabet h Stuar t Phelps," Our Famous Women, An Authorized Record of the Lives and Deeds of Distinguished American Women of Our Times (Hartford, 1884) , 561-62 , quote d in Habegger , Gender, Fantasy and Realism in American Literature, 53 . 84. Elizabet h Hardwick , "Introduction, " i n The Story of Avis. Alfre d Ha begger suggest s tha t th e portraya l o f Avi s reflect s Ward' s perceptio n o f he r mother a s muc h les s successfu l an d muc h mor e o f a victim tha n sh e actuall y was; Gender, Fantasy and Realism in American Literature, 53 . 85. Mar y Austin , "Woma n Alone, " in Elain e Showalte r ed. , These Modern Women: Autobiographical Essays from the Twenties (New York , 1989) , 78—86 ; Sharon O'Brien , Willa Gather: The Emerging Voice (New York , 1987) , 104 . 86. Wagner , "Elle n Glasgow : Daughte r a s Justified, " i n Davidso n an d Broner, eds. , The Lost Tradition, 139 . See , fo r example , Fisher' s Mothers and Children (New York , 1914) . 87. R.W.B . Lewis , Edith Wharton: A Biography (New York , 1975) . 88. Ibid. , 152 . I a m gratefu l t o Professo r Willia m Len z fo r callin g m y attention t o thi s occurrence , whic h support s th e suggestio n tha t contempo rary readers identified wit h th e wome n portraye d i n these novels .

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89. Th e essay s i n Brone r an d Davidson , eds. , The Lost Tradition, addres s this issue. 90. Se e not e 63. 91. Judit h Gardiner , " A Wak e fo r Mother : Th e Materna l Deathbe d i n Women's Fiction, " Feminist Studies 4 , 2 (Jun e 1978) : 146—65 ; an d Elino r Lenz, "Th e Generatio n Gap : Fro m Persephon e t o Portnoy, " New York Times Book Review, Augus t 30 , 1987 . Fo r a n interestin g overvie w o f th e treatmen t of th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n contemporar y America n literature , see th e essay s i n Micke y Pearlman , ed. , Mother Puzzles: Daughters and Mothers in Contemporary American Literature (Westport, Conn. , 1989) . 92. Laslett , The World We Have Lost, 87.

4. "A Girl's Best Friend" 1. Februar y 7 , 1892 , Diar y o f Edn a Ormsby , Folde r 1 , Edn a Ormsb y Papers, Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . Mrs . Ormsby' s emphasi s o n the fac t tha t he r ow n mothe r like d th e nam e sh e an d he r husban d chos e fo r their daughte r suggest s tha t a s a daughte r herself , sh e attribute d grea t importance t o the mother-daughte r relationship . 2. Septembe r 22 , 1895 , Diary of Edn a Ormsby, ibid . 3. Septembe r 22 , 1895 ; June 16 , 1896 ; Novembe r 4 , 1896 ; Octobe r 7 , 1898; Decembe r 22 , 1898 ; Novembe r 9 , 1899 ; Februar y 12 , 1900 ; Septem ber 24 , 1902 ; Augus t 25 , 1905 ; Septembe r 18 , 1905 ; an d Octobe r 1 , 1910 ; Diary o f Edn a Ormsby , ibid . Th e diar y doe s no t describ e th e precis e natur e of Esther' s difficulties . 4. Septembe r 24 , 1902 , Diary of Edn a Ormsby, Folde r 2 , ibid. 5. Octobe r 1 , 1910 , ibid. 6. Jun e 14 , 1903 , ibid. 7. Entr y date d onl y 1904-5 ; Augus t 25 , 1905 ; Septembe r 18 , 1905 ; October 31 , 1905 ; and Octobe r 1 , 1910 ; ibid. 8. Lik e Edn a Ormsby' s diary , othe r source s d o offe r som e evidenc e about th e relationshi p betwee n wome n an d younge r daughters , primaril y from th e materna l poin t o f view . Fo r example , letter s fro m mother s wh o traveled illustrat e thei r effort s t o monito r thei r daughters ' activitie s fro m a distance an d t o reassur e the m o f thei r lov e an d affection . Suc h correspon dence recall s Mrs . Ormsby's careful attentio n t o Esther's upbringin g an d he r devotion t o he r child . Se e Salli e Joy White' s letter s t o he r daughte r Grace , January 22 , 1889 , an d Jul y 27 , 1891 , Bo x 1 , Folde r 9 , Salli e Jo y Whit e Papers; and Eliz a Coe Brow n Moore' s letter s t o Dorothea Ma y Moore , Octo ber 20 , 1902 , Carto n 3 , Folde r 62 ; an d Jul y 12 , 1903 , an d Septembe r 15 , 1904, Carto n 3 , Folde r 63 , Dorothe a Ma y Moor e Collection . Bot h i n Schles inger Library, Radcliff e College . 9. Decembe r 3 , 1890 ; Decembe r 4 , 1890 ; an d June 19 , 1891 ; Diar y o f

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Mary Anderso n Boit , Bo x 10 , vol . 17 , Hug h Cabo t Famil y Papers , Schlesin ger Library , Radcliff e College . 10. Jun e 22 , 1891 , ibid. 11. Augus t 27 , 1891 , ibid. 12. Septembe r 1 , 1891 , and Novembe r 7 , 1891 , ibid. 13. Ma y 16 , 1892 , ibid. 14. Novembe r 7 , 1891 , ibid. 15. Februar y 29 , 1890 , Harrie t Burto n Diary , Bo x i , Folde r 4 , Harrie t Wright Burto n Laidla w Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College . 16. Mau d Nathan , Once Upon a Time and Today (New York , 1974 ; reprin t of 193 3 ed.), 304-5 . 17. Mar y Hills to her mother, Septembe r 17 , 1886 , Series I , Box 9, Folde r 1, Hill s Family Papers , Amherst Colleg e Archives . 18. Mar y Hill s to her mother , Octobe r 31 , 1886 , ibid. 19. Mar y Hills t o her mother , Novembe r 4 , 1886 , and Decembe r 1 , 1886 , ibid. 20. Emil y Hill s t o he r mother , January 11 , 1887 , an d January 15 , 1888 , Series I , Box 10 , Folder 1 , ibid. 21. Emil y Hill s to both parents , Novembe r 3 , 1887 , * D^22. Januar y 20 , 1888 , Series I , Box 10 , Folder 2 , ibid. 23. See , fo r example , Emily's letter s o f Apri l 23 , 1889 , and Ma y 7 , 1889 , ibid.; and Mary' s letters of November , n.d. , 1886 , and Apri l 15 , 1887 , Serie s I, Bo x 9 , Folder s 1 and 3 . 24. See , fo r example , Mary' s letter s o f Octobe r 23 , 1886 ; Octobe r 30 , 1886; December 8 , 1886 ; Ma y 8, 1887 ; M a Y 29 , 1887 ; and Februar y 9 , 1888 ; and Emily' s letters of Novembe r 13 , 1887 , and Novembe r 15 , 1887 , m Serie s I, Box 9 , Folder s 1 , 3, and 5 , and Bo x 10 , Folder 1 , ibid. 25. Mar y Hill s to her mother , Marc h 6 , 1887 . See also her letter of Marc h 23, 1887 : " I am very jealous of Emil y fo r I think she has more tha n her shar e of gaiet y whe n I a m away, " i n Serie s I , Bo x 9 , Folde r 2 , ibid . Fo r a n interesting an d pertinen t analysi s o f siblin g jealousy i n th e nineteent h cen tury, se e Pete r N . Stearns , Jealousy: The Evolution of an Emotion in American History (New York , 1989) , 49—65. 26. Mar y Hill s t o he r mother , Februar y 9 , 1888 , Serie s I , Bo x 9 , Folde r 5, Hill s Famil y Papers . Se e als o he r lette r o f Februar y 26 , 1888 : " I though t it ver y strang e yo u shoul d hav e writte n Emil y first bu t yo u probabl y ha d some goo d reaso n a s yo u woul d no t allo w he r t o sho w m e th e letter, " i n ibid. 27. Emil y Hill s t o he r mother , Februar y 15 , 1888 , and January 20 , 1888 , Series I , Box 10 , Folder 2 , ibid. 28. Growing Up in Bostons Gilded Age: The Journal of Alice Stone Blackwell, 1872—1874, ed . Marlen e Deah l Merril l (Ne w Haven , 1990) , Apri l 5 , 1872 , 57; Alic e Ston e Blackwel l t o Kitt y Barr y Blackwell , Octobe r 29 , 1872 , quote d in Growing Up in Bostons Gilded Age, 244 . Alice's biography of her mother wa s published i n 1930 .

i. " T HE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF FEMALE EXPERIENCE" 23

9

29. Februar y 11 , 1872 , 31 ; Ma y 13 , 1872 , 73 ; Septembe r 21 , 1872 , 109 ; Growing Up in Boston's Gilded Age. 30. Februar y 10 , 1873 , Growing Up in Boston's Gilded Age, 150 . Se e als o Alice's resentmen t whe n sh e wa s aske d t o "empt y th e slops " whil e sh e wa s reading an d he r descriptio n o f a disput e wit h he r mothe r abou t goin g t o school i n ba d weather ; June 8 , 1872 , 81-82 , an d Novembe r 19 , 1873 , 2 °6> ibid. 31. Jul y 28 , 1873 , Growing Up in Boston's Gilded Age, 188 . 32. Marc h 8 , 1872 , 42 ; Apri l 18 , 1872 , 64 ; Introduction , 6 - 7 ; an d De cember 16 , 1873 , 212 ; in ibid. 33. Mario n Taylo r [pseudonym ] recorde d he r adolescen t experience s i n detailed, introspectiv e diarie s tha t eventually cam e int o th e possessio n o f th e psychologist Gordo n Allpor t an d wer e donate d t o th e Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College , afte r hi s death . Se e July 16 , 1916 , Mario n Taylo r Diar y excerpts, Bo x 1 , Folde r 7 . Se e als o he r comment s abou t a favorit e teacher : "Altogether sh e i s the mos t adorable, lovable , nices t person , next to my mother, in the world" [emphasis added], April 6, 1915 , Box 1 , Folder 4 . 34. Jul y 13 , 1916 , Bo x 1 , Folder 7 , ibid. 35. Octobe r 16 , 1915 , Box 1 , Folder 4, ibid. 36. Augus t 7 , 1915 ; December 18 , 1915 ; August 25 , 1915 ; Bo x 1 , Folde r 4, ibid . 37. Januar y 21 , 1916 , Box 1 , Folder 7, ibid. See also the entry fo r January 24, 1916 : "Th e othe r girl s are al l goin g an d the y laughe d a t m e whe n I tol d them wha t mothe r said" ; Bo x 1 , Folde r 7 . Thi s complain t foreshadow s th e emphasis on th e pee r group that would characterize th e orientation o f youn g people i n th e decad e o f th e 1920s . Se e Paul a Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful (New York , 1977) . 38. Mario n Taylor Diar y excerpts, August 19 , 1916 , Bo x 1 , Folder 7 . 39. Hele n Jackso n Cabo t Alm y t o Mar y Almy , Jun e 20 , 1909 ; Jul y 6 , 1909; an d Augus t 3 , 1909 ; Bo x 2 , Folde r 25 , Alm y Famil y Papers , Schlesin ger Library , Radcliff e College . 40. Josephin e Herbst , noteboo k date d 1906-7 , quote d i n Elino r Langer , Josephine Herbst (Boston, 1983 , 1984) , 31. 41. Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Februar y 10 , 1885 , Series III , Bo x 23 , Folde r 380 , Anni e Winso r Alle n Papers , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College . 42. Eugeni e Andrus s Leonard , Concerning Our Girls and What They Tell Us: A Study of Some Phases of the Confidential Relationship of Mothers and Adolescent Daughters (New York , 1930) . 43. Diar y o f Mau d Rittenhouse , Apri l 12 , 1882 ; Ma y 17 , 1881 ; July 27 , 1884; m Isabell e Rittenhous e Mayne , Maud, ed . Richar d Le e Strou t (Ne w York, 1939) , 78, 9, 322 . 44. See , fo r example , Mar y Hill s t o he r mother , Apri l 15 , 1887 : "Ha d I better get m y Frenc h ki d shoes i n Rochester , o r wai t and ge t the m i n North ampton?" Series I , Box 9, Folde r 3 , Hills Family Papers .

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45. Autobiographica l fragment , The Making of a Feminist: Early Journals and Letters ofM. Carey Thomas, ed. Marjori e Dobki n (Kent , Ohio, 1979) , 312 . 46. Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Octobe r 18 , 1885 , Series III , Bo x 23 , Folder 380 , Alle n Papers . 47. Car l Degler , At Odds: Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the Present (New York , 1980) , 102 . 48. Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg, "Pubert y t o Menopause: The Cycl e of Fem ininity i n Nineteenth-Centur y America, " in Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America (Ne w York , 1985) , 188-89 . Smith-Rosenber g offer s the example o f a woman who reported tha t it had taken her an entire lifetim e to forgiv e he r mothe r fo r th e fea r an d lonelines s sh e ha d experience d a s a result of he r reticence o n thi s matter . 49. Se e chapter 2 . 50. The Mosher Survey: Sexual Attitudes of 45 Victorian Women, ed. Jame s Mahood an d Kristin e Wenbur g (Ne w York , 1980) , cite d i n Elle n K . Roth man, Hands and Hearts: A History of Courtship in America (New York , 1984) , 256-57; Mar y Ezit Bulkley, "Mother , Grandmother , an d Me, " 67, typescript , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 51. Langer , Josephine Herbst, 31. 52. Th e quotatio n i s an excerp t fro m a letter t o he r favorit e teache r tha t was neve r sent , Octobe r 29 , 1916 , Mario n Taylo r Diar y excerpts , Bo x 1 , Folder 8 . 53. Jul y 29 , 1882 , i n Maud, 119 . Despit e thei r ver y clos e relationship , apparently Maud' s mothe r ha d no t broache d th e subjec t wit h he r daughter , although sh e wa s greatl y intereste d i n he r daughter' s socia l life . Se e pp . 82-83. 54. France s Parkinso n Keys , All Flags Flying: Reminiscences (Ne w York , 1970), 7 , quoted Rothman , Hands and Hearts, 256 . 55. R.W.B . Lewis , Edith Wharton: A Biography (New York , 1975) , 53-54 . According t o Lewis , Wharto n claime d tha t he r mother' s failur e t o giv e he r even a rudimentar y educatio n abou t se x " 'did mor e tha n anythin g els e t o falsify an d misdirec t m y whole life. ' " 56. Apri l 7 , 1878 , The Making of a Feminist, 142. 57. Maud, 542 . 58. Childles s Wif e [pseud.] , "Wh y I Hav e N o Family, " Independent 5 8 (March 23 , 1905) : 655 , quote d i n Pete r G . Filene , Him/Her/Self; Sex Roles in Modern America, 2d ed. (Baltimore , 1986) , 86. 59. Lette r fro m Hele n Swet t t o Charle s Ernes t Schwartz , Jul y 2 , 1899 , Charles Ernes t Schwart z Papers , Bancrof t Library , Universit y o f Californi a at Berkeley, quoted i n Rothman , Hands and Hearts, 258. 60. Mar y Smit h Costello e t o he r mother , quote d i n Barbar a Strachey , Remarkable Relations: The Story of the Pearsall Smith Women (New York , 1982) , 103. 61. Rothman , Hands and Hearts, 218—19 .

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62. Ma y 17 , June 1 , June 29 , July 1 , and August 25 , 1881 ; February 19 , May 22 , June 3 , and June n.d. , 1882 ; September 1 0 and Octobe r 7 , 1883 ; July 4, 1884 ; and September 25, 1885 . All in Maud, 8 , 14 , 20-21, 35 , 55, 95, 100, 109 , 179 , 216 , 227 , 320, 355 .

63. Diar y of Mau d Rittenhouse, September 25 , 1885 , anc * letter to Maud from her mother, in Maud, 358 , 347. 64. Octobe r 30 and November 3, 1889, in Maud, 494, 496. 65. Ell a Lyma n Cabo t t o he r mother , Ell a Lowel l Lyman , Augus t 18 , 1892, and August 23 , 1892 , Series III, Box 3 , Folder 65, Ella Lyman Cabot Papers, Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College. 66. Ell a Lyman to her mother, n.d., and February 28, 1894 , ibid. 67. Mrs . D . W . Mine r t o Elizabet h Mine r Garman , Apri l 14 , 1884 , Bo x 13, Folder 1 , Charles Edward Garman Papers, Amherst College Archives. 68. Elle n D. Hale to her mother Emily Perkins Hale, December 16 , 1884, Box 45a, Folde r 1064 , Hale Famil y Papers, Sophia Smit h Collection, Smit h College. I n th e sam e letter, she also commented o n he r discomfort whe n a female friend expressed her affection: "I must say I don't like to have people say spoony things, and kiss me, even if they are of my own sex! I think more than ever that she is crazy, and I don't like to be alone with her very much. I believe you will think that I am crazy too." 69. Emil y Perkin s Hal e t o Ellen D . Hale , Ma y 3, 1895 , Bo x 32a , Folde r 798, ibid. 70. Mar y Hills to her mother, October 15 , 1886 ; January 16 , 1887 ; February 26, 1888 ; Box 9, Folders 1, 2, and 5, Hills Family Papers. 71. Emil y Hill s to her mother, Ma y 8, 1894 , and Ma y 14 , 1894 , Box 10 , Folder 4, ibid. 72. Emil y Hills to her mother, October 3, 1894 , ibid. 73. Fo r a discussion of thes e expectations, see John S . Haller, Jr., "From Maidenhood t o Menopause : Sex Educatio n fo r Wome n i n Victoria n America," Journal of Popular Culture 6, 1 (1972): 49—69. Haller suggests th e presence of a link between the aspirations of the growing middle class and social attitudes toward sex in the late nineteenth century. 74. Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Marc h 3 , 1892 , Series III, Box 24, Folder 383, Allen Papers. 75. Mar y Herbst to Josephine Herbst , quoted in Langer, Josephine Herbst, 25.

76. Fo r a fuller discussio n o f Mrs . Dummer's relationshi p wit h her fou r daughters, see chapter 5. 77. France s Dummer to Ethel Sturges Dummer, February 16 , 1919 , Box 12, Folder 185, Ethel Sturges Dummer Papers, Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College. 78. Jame s R . McGovern , "Th e America n Woman' s Pre-Worl d Wa r I Freedom in Manners and Morals," Journal of American History 55, 2 (September 1968) : 315-33. The quotation appears on p. 326. On the ideal of youth,

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see als o Elain e Tyle r May , Great Expectations: Marriage & ? Divorce in PostVictorian America (Chicago, 1980) , 6 0 - 6 5 . 79. Jun e Sochen , The New Woman: Feminism in Greenwich Village, IQIOig20 (Ne w York , 1972) , especially ix-x i an d 137-38 . Fo r a discussion of ne w sexual behavio r during the lat e nineteenth an d early twentieth centuries, an d the distinctio n betwee n sexua l behavio r an d societa l norms , se e May , Great Expectations, 92-96. 80. A stud y o f "girls , thei r sweetheart s an d thei r families " publishe d i n 1926 suggeste d tha t th e latte r wa s th e case . Arguin g tha t "necking " an d "petting," variousl y defined , wer e th e ke y t o popularit y fo r youn g women , Eleanor R . Wembridg e maintaine d tha t mother s live d vicariousl y throug h their daughters' social live s and di d no t want them t o be wallflowers. "D o no t listen t o wha t thei r mother s say, bu t watch them , i f yo u wan t t o kno w ho w they fee l abou t thei r daughter s petting ! Thei r protest s ar e abou t a s genuin e as the daughter' s 'Aren' t yo u terrible? ' when a young ma n start s to pet. " See Other People's Daughters (Boston an d Ne w York , 1926) , 195-97 . 81. Se e diar y entrie s o f October , n.d. , 1918 , an d Novembe r 26 , 1919 , Marion Taylo r Diar y excerpts , Bo x 1 , Folder s 1 1 and 14 . When sh e learne d that he r fathe r planne d t o remarry , Mario n note d tha t "i t i s onl y o n th e 8th o f thi s mont h an d h e get s th e final divorc e decre e an d can get married ! Do yo u wonde r tha t I a m determine d t o b e a Bachelo r maid? " June 14 , 191582. Diar y entry, Octobe r 29 , 1916 , and lette r dated July 17 , 1916 , both i n Marion Taylo r Diar y excerpts , Bo x 1 , Folde r 8 ; diary entry, July n.d. , 1919 , Box 1 , Folde r 11 ; diary entries , Ma y 5 , 1920 , and January 31 , 1921 , in Bo x 1, Folder 14 , typescript . 83. Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Joseph Allen , Marc h 6 , 1900 , Serie s III , Box 24 , Folder 392 , Allen Papers . 84. Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Marc h 6 , 1900 , ibid. 85. Hands and Hearts, 221-23 . Fo r a pertinen t discussio n o f th e develop ment o f th e yout h cultur e o f th e 1920s , se e Paul a Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful: American Youth in the 1920s (Ne w York , 1977) . Chapte r 7 offer s a fuller consideratio n o f th e connectio n betwee n th e influenc e o f pee r cultur e and th e natur e of th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n the decades followin g 1920. 86. Rut h Ashmore , " A Girl' s Bes t Friend, " Ladies Home Journal 8 (Ma y 1881): 12 . 87. Paul a Caplan , Don't Blame Mother; Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship (New York , 1989) . 88. Degler , At Odds, chap. 5 , 86-110 . 89. Sharo n O'Brien , "Tomboyis m an d Adolescen t Conflict : Thre e Nine teenth-Century Cas e Studies, " i n Mar y Kelley , ed. , Woman's Being, Woman's Place: Female Identity and Vocation in America (Boston, 1979) , 351-72 .

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,,

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5. " / Am So Glad You Could Go to College'* 1. Eleanor a Wheele r Boswort h t o Louis e Mario n Bosworth , Carto n 1 , Folder 42 , Louis e Mario n Boswort h Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College. 2. Judit h Murray , The Gleaner: A Miscellaneous Production in Three Volumes, vol . 2 (Boston , 1798) , 6 , quote d i n Barbar a Mille r Solomon , In the Company of Educated Women (New Haven , 1985) , 13 . 3. Th e percentag e o f colleg e wome n amon g female s age d eightee n t o twenty-one i n 187 0 wa s only 0. 7 percent ; i t ros e t o 2. 8 percen t i n 190 0 an d reached 7. 6 percen t b y 1920 ; Solomon , In the Company of Educated Women, 6 2 - 6 3 . A n interestin g exceptio n t o the generalization tha t the femal e colleg e student populatio n wa s comprised o f middle-clas s youn g wome n i s th e cas e of Alic e Due r Miller , who was the daughter of an established, sociall y promi nent Ne w Yor k family . Sh e no t onl y chos e t o g o t o college , bu t decide d t o work he r wa y throug h Barnar d whe n he r fathe r experience d financia l re verses. He r husban d recalle d tha t thi s decisio n "shocke d societ y an d alien ated he r friends" ; Henr y Wis e Miller , All Our Lives: Alice Duer Miller (Ne w York, 1945) , 30. 4. Eleanor a Boswort h t o Louise Mario n Bosworth , Carto n 1 , Folder 40 , Bosworth Papers . 5. Eleanor a Boswort h t o Louise Mario n Bosworth , Novembe r 24 , 1901 , ibid. 6. Eleanor a Boswort h t o Louis e Mario n Bosworth , Novembe r 23 , 1902 , November 17 , 1902 , Carton 1 , Folder 42, ibid. 7. See , fo r example , Louise' s lette r o f Decembe r 2 , 1903 , Carto n 1 , Folder 19 , an d Mrs . Bosworth' s letter s o f Januar y 29 , 1903 , Februar y 16 , 1903, Carto n 1 , Folde r 43 ; Ma y 21 , 1903 , January 12 , 1904 , an d Februar y 23, 1904 , Carton 1 , Folder 47, ibid. 8. Eleanor a Boswort h t o Louise Mario n Bosworth , Augus t 8 , 1912 , Carton 1 , Folder 63, ibid. See also extensive correspondence concernin g Louise' s clothing in Carton 1 , Folder 54. 9. See , fo r example , extensiv e correspondenc e i n Carto n 1 , Folde r 38 , and letter from Mrs . Bosworth t o Louise on Augus t 20 , 1909 , ibid. 10. Eleanor a Boswort h t o Louise Mario n Bosworth , July 31, 1928 , Carton 2, Folde r 72 , ibid. 11. Fo r example , th e mother s o f othe r Wellesle y wome n betwee n 188 0 and 192 0 provide d comparabl e suppor t fo r thei r daughters ' aspirations ; Patricia A . Palmieri , "Pattern s o f Achievemen t o f Singl e Academi c Wome n at Wellesley College , 1880-1920, " Frontiers 5 (Spring 1980) , 6 3 - 6 7 . 12. Alic e Due r Mille r remembere d that , despite th e disapprova l o f mem bers o f he r socia l circle , he r mothe r too k grea t interes t i n he r colleg e life : "She use d t o kno w exactl y wha t m y course s were , wher e I could b e reache d by a message. " Mrs. Asto r called o n Mrs . Duer t o explain ho w sh e fel t abou t

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the situation , an d he r expression , "Wha t a pity , tha t lovel y gir l goin g t o college," became a treasured famil y joke; Miller , All Our Lives, 30. 13. Anni e Winso r Alle n t o An n Ben t War e Winsor , Augus t 7 , 1886 , Series III , Bo x 25 , Folde r 397 , Anni e Winso r Alle n Papers , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College . 14. Anni e Winso r Alie n t o An n Ben t War e Winsor , Novembe r 11 , 1893 , Series III , Bo x 25 , Folde r 400, ibid . 15. An n Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Fragment , c . 1899 , Series III , Bo x 24 , Folder 390 , ibid . 16. Se e extensive mother-daughte r correspondence , Serie s III , Boxe s 23 , 24, 25 , and 27 , ibid. 17. Januar y 11 , 1879 , m The Making of a Feminist; Early Journals and Letters ofM, Carey Thomas, ed . Marjori e Dobki n (Kent , Ohio, 1979) , 152 . 18. See , fo r example , th e entr y fo r Februar y 13 , 1878 : "Last night I went to th e theatr e fo r th e first time . Fathe r an d Mothe r o f cours e disapprove d but I was twenty-on e las t mont h an d I wen t entirel y o n m y own responsibil ity. . . . I coul d se e n o imaginabl e har m i n i t an d o h i t i s suc h a might y pleasure! . . . I fee l deprive d al l thes e years, " i n The Making of a Feminist, 131—32. Carroll Smith-Rosenber g ha s also noted th e presence of tension an d conflict i n this particula r mother-daughte r relationship , bu t sh e ha s no t considered th e equall y stron g presenc e o f mutua l suppor t an d caring . Se e "The Ne w Woma n a s Androgyne: Socia l Disorde r an d Gende r Crisis , 1870 1936," i n Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg , Disorderly Conduct; Visions of Gender in Victorian America (New York , 1985) , 257 . 19. Jul y 16 , 1875 , i n The Making of a Feminist, 100 . A n earlie r journa l entry als o documents Mrs . Thomas's commitmen t t o education: "An Englis h man Joseph Bec k wa s her e t o dinne r th e othe r da y an d h e don' t believ e i n the Educatio n o f Women . Neithe r doe s Cousi n Fran k Kin g an d m y suc h a disgusson [sic] the y had . Mother of course was for . . . " [emphasi s added] ; se e February 26 , 1871 , in ibid., 50 . 20. The Making of a Feminist, 209 , not e 3 ; als o Care y Thoma s t o Mar y Whitall Thomas, Novembe r 21 , 1880 , and Novembe r 25 , 1882 , in ibid. , 230 , 263. 21. Care y Thoma s t o Mar y Whital l Thomas , Octobe r 2 , 1883 , i n ibid. , 284. A n earlie r expressio n o f Carey' s regar d fo r he r mothe r appear s i n a letter t o he r frien d Julia Roger s tha t wa s writte n o n July 10 , 1879 , afte r sh e had spen t a few day s alon e wit h Mrs . Thomas i n Atlanti c City : "I have ha d a lovely tim e wit h her . I tel l he r m y idea l o f happines s woul d b e t o hav e he r born a widow an d b e he r only child an d trave l about"; see ibid., 10 , note 7 . 22. "Mother s with a Job," autobiographic fragment , quote d i n ibid., 9. 23. Decembe r 11 , 1903 , Bo x 3 , Volum e 61 ; January 21 , 1906 , Bo x 3 , Volume 63 ; Hild a Worthingto n Smit h Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College. Othe r simila r example s appea r i n journal entrie s fo r Januar y 3 , 1905, Bo x 3 , Volume 62 ; October 1 4 and 15 , 1905 , Decembe r 16 , 1905 , an d January 14 , 1906 ; Bo x 3 , Volum e 63 .

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24. Ma y 16 , 1907 , Bo x 3 , Volume 64 , Book 6 , ibid . 25. I t wa s no t unusua l fo r a mothe r wh o ha d bee n deprive d o f th e opportunity t o fulfil l he r ow n educationa l and/o r professiona l ambition s t o provide strong support and actually urge her daughter t o pursue thos e goals. See als o Phylli s Blanchard , "Th e Lon g Journey," Kat e L . Gregg , "On e Wa y to Freedom, " and Lorin e Livingsto n Pruette , "Th e Evolutio n o f Disenchant ment," in Elain e Showalter , ed. , These Modern Women; Autobiographical Essays from the Twenties (New York, 1989) , 105-9 , 73-78 , 6 8 - 7 3 . 26. Mar y Hele n Hal l Smit h t o Hild a Worthingto n Smith , Octobe r 3 , 1909, Bo x 2 , Folde r 49 ; April 29 , 1910 , Bo x 3 , Folde r 50 , Smith Papers . Se e also Mrs . Smith' s letter s o f Octobe r 14 , 17 , an d 24 , 1909 , Bo x 2 , Folde r 49 , and Februar y 27 , 1910 , in Bo x 3 , Folder 50 , for example s o f practica l advic e regarding Hilda' s laundr y an d clothing , an d he r lette r o f Novembe r 20 , 1910, i n Bo x 3 , Folde r 50 , fo r he r interes t i n a propose d visi t fro m on e o f her daughter' s friends : "I t i s al l righ t abou t askin g Mis s Klein , W e shal l b e very gla d t o se e her—tho ' bein g th e grea t granddaughte r o f Hege l sound s rather awe-inspiring. " 27. Januar y 9 , 1915 , Bo x 4 , Volum e 78 , Boo k 20 , ibid . Se e als o Hilda' s description o f he r mother' s objectio n t o he r overnigh t visi t wit h friends : " I was shaking in my shoes when I went into our kitchen . . .. W e talke d matter s over & both wept . I sai d othe r girl s decide d littl e matter s lik e stayin g awa y for a nigh t fo r themselves , & if the y di d it , n o on e accuse d the m . . . o f no t loving thei r homes . M . [sic] sai d perhap s sh e wa s ver y selfis h i n grudgin g every minut e I didn' t spen d a t home , bu t i t wa s onl y becaus e sh e wa s s o lonely withou t fathe r 8c because sh e love d m e so . I ha d neve r see n i t tha t way, 8c would hav e given all I possessed if I had come hom e las t night"; Apri l 21, 1908 , Box 3 , Volume 66 , Boo k 8 , ibid. 28. Mar y Hele n Hal l Smit h t o Hild a Worthingto n Smith , Ma y 16 , 1909 , Box 2 , Folder 49, ibid. 29. Decembe r 25 , 1917 , Box 4, Volume 81 , Book 23 , ibid. 30. M . Carey Thoma s t o Hild a Worthingto n Smith , Bo x 10 , Folde r 171 , ibid. 31. Vid a Scudder , On Journey (New York , 1937) , 6 6 - 6 7 , 88 . Afte r a fe w weeks, Vid a "wrestled " wit h he r ow n hair , an d he r mothe r returne d t o Boston. 32. Ibid. , 5 7 - 5 8 . 33. Ibid. , 177 , 112 , 96, 66-67 , 2 7 2 ~73» 292 . Wit h regar d t o thes e livin g arrangements, Vid a commented , "Mis s Convers e ha d fo r year s share d m y life i n all ways except in living under th e same roof"; ibid., 275 . 34. Mar y Kingsbur y Simkhovitch , Neighborhood: My Story of Greenwich House (New York , [1938]) , 47. 35. Mar y Kingsbur y Simkhovitch , Here Is God*s Plenty: Reflections on American Social Advance (New York , 1949) , 12 ; Neighborhood, 41 . 36. Neighborhood, 28 . 37. Ibid. , 41 . Mar y eventuall y lef t teachin g t o pursu e a caree r i n settle -

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ment wor k i n Greenwic h Village , wher e sh e founde d Greenwic h House , bu t there i s n o evidenc e tha t he r mother' s criticis m wa s responsibl e fo r tha t decision! 38. Joyc e Antler, " 'After College , What?': New Graduates and the Famil y Claim," American Quarterly 32 (Fal l 1980) : 428; Lyn n D . Gordon, "Co-Educa tion o n Tw o Campuses : Berkele y an d Chicago , 1890-1912, " in Mary Kelley , ed., Woman's Being, Woman's Place: Female Identity and Vocation in American History (Boston , 1979) , 181 ; Rosalin d Rosenberg , Beyond Separate Spheres: Intellectual Roots of Modern Feminism (Ne w Haven , 1982) , 18-27 ; Mario n Talbot, More Than Lore (Chicago , 1936) , 3 , quote d i n Rosenberg , Beyond Separate Spheres, 27 . 39. Alic e Hamilton , Exploring the Dangerous Trades (Boston, 1943) , 32. Sh e eventually becam e th e firs t woma n o n th e facult y a t Harvard , wher e sh e taught i n the schoo l o f publi c health . 40. Ibid. , 92 ; Barbar a Sicherman , Alice Hamilton: A Life in Letters (Cambridge, Mass. , 1984) , 2 0 - 2 1 , 182-83 . 41. Ethe l Puffe r Howe s t o he r mother , Januar y 4 , 1896 , Bo x 7 , Folde r 140, an d Januar y n.d. , 1898 , Bo x 7 , Folde r 141 , Morgan-Howe s Famil y Papers, Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 42. Laur a Puffe r Morga n t o he r mother , n.d. , probably 1897 , Bo x 1 , Folder 6, ibid . 43. Laur a Puffe r Morga n t o he r mother , n.d. , 1897 , Bo x 1 , Folde r 7 , ibid. Se e als o a letter writte n i n 190 2 concernin g th e propose d redecoratio n of a ne w famil y hom e an d Laura' s desir e t o b e involve d i n th e relevan t decisions: "Ge t som e o f th e ne w thing s i n papers , no t th e ordinar y kind . . . . How ar e th e room s painted ? I n Whit e I h o p e . . . . Ar e ther e an y fireplaces ? . . . I wis h yo u woul d consul t m e abou t an y subjec t o f importanc e regardin g the house . Can' t yo u sen d m e sample s o f th e pape r unde r discussion" ; n.d. , Box 1 , Folder 7 . 44. Blanch e Ame s Ame s t o Blanch e Butle r Ames , Januar y 20 , 1895 ; September 22 , 1895 ; Octobe r 28 , 1895 ; an d Decembe r 12 , 1895 ; Serie s IV , Box 21 , Folde r 222 , Ame s Famil y Papers , Sophi a Smit h Collection , Smit h College. 45. Blanch e Ame s Ame s t o Blanche Butle r Ames, January 5 , 1895 , Serie s IV, Bo x 21 , Folde r 222 , an d January 7 , 1896 , Bo x 21 , Folde r 223 , bot h i n ibid. 46. Blanch e Ame s Ame s t o Blanch e Butle r Ames , Januar y 13 , 1895 , Series IV , Bo x 21 , Folder 222 , ibid. 47. See , fo r example , he r letter s o f Octobe r 1 , 1896 , an d Novembe r 18 , 1896, Series IV , Box 21 , Folder 223 , ibid. 48. See , fo r example , "W e ar e anxiousl y waitin g fo r anothe r lette r fro m you. I t i s possibl e w e ar e mor e Blanche-sic k tha n yo u ar e homesick" ; "I t seems t o me tha t you hav e no t bee n writin g very much lately . I shall loo k fo r a lette r thi s afternoo n fro m m y college-girlie " (Januar y 11 , 1896) ; an d "B e

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sure to write at once.... Al l your badly treated family send love and here is a kis s from Mother " (February 14 , 1897) , all i n Series IV , Bo x 26b , Folde r 331, ibid. 49. Blanch e Butle r Ames t o Blanch e Ame s Ames , Septembe r 27 , 1895 , and March 20, 1897, ibid. 50. Blanch e Butler Ames to Blanche Ames, January 22, 1896 , ibid. For a similar expression of wholehearted support, see Ella Lowell Lyman's letter to her daughte r Ell a Lyma n Cabo t whil e th e latte r wa s enrolle d a s a special student at Radcliffe: "Darling Ella I must write a line since I cannot fall upon your nec k & kiss you , t o tel l yo u ho w delighte d Pap a & I ar e wit h you r success. An d I am sure you deserved i t for you r patien t steadfas t industry . .. . May God ever help 8c guide you my darling, Most lovingly Your Mother"; June 24 , 1890 , Serie s III , Bo x 3 , Folde r 65 , Ell a Lyma n Cabo t Papers , Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College. 51. Josephin e Dunla p Wilki n t o he r mother , Novembe r 25 , 1891 , and October 25, 1891, Smith College Archives, Class of 1895 , Box 1440 . 52. Josephin e Dunlap Willkin to her mother, June 15 , 1894, ibid. 53. Charlott e Coffyn Wilkinso n to her mother, Charlotte May Wilkinson, December 20, 1891 , Smith College Archives, Class of 1894 , Box 1424. 54. Charlott e Coffyn Wilkinso n to Charlotte May Wilkinson, January 24, 1892, and May 19, 1892, ibid. 55. Charlott e Coffy n Wilkinso n t o Charlott e Ma y Wilkinson , Apri l 24 , 1892. Se e als o letter s o f Apri l 22 , 189 2 an d Ma y 19 , 1892 , especiall y th e latter: " I do hop e yo u will thin k tha t I have improve d thi s year . . .. I only want to be a good and noble woman, worthy of my dearest, old mum." All in ibid. 56. Alic e Maso n Mille r to her mother , January 27 , 1878 , Smit h Colleg e Archives, Class of 1883 , Box 1345.1. 57. Hele n Lyma n Mille r to her mother, September 21 , 1877 , Smith College Archives, Class of 1880 , Box 1317. 58. Hele n Lyman Miller to her mother, February 24, 1878 , ibid. 59. Alic e Maso n Mille r t o her mother , Octobe r 19 , 1882 . Alic e wen t s o far a s t o cop y a lette r fro m a friend' s siste r i n whic h th e youn g woma n described her firstcall from a young man and sent the copy to her mother so she could se e how bright the sister was; November 18 , 1877 , Smith Colleg e Archives, Class of 1883 , Box 1345.1. 60. See , fo r example , Alice' s lette r o f Novembe r n.d. , 1877 , whic h ex plained tha t there wa s no money lef t fo r Helen' s gym suit because sh e had been force d t o replac e a ne w pai r o f glove s tha t ha d torn . Apologeticall y asking her mother to send them more money, she promised: "We will try to be mor e economical , bu t going throug h colleg e i s a very expensiv e thing" ; see als o Alice' s letter of Novembe r 25 , 1877 . Bot h i n ibid . See als o Helen' s letter o f January 15 , 1878 , i n Smit h Colleg e Archives , Clas s o f 1880 , Bo x

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61. Hele n Lyma n Mille r t o he r mother , Octobe r 17 , 1877 ; Octobe r 28 , 1877; Decembe r 23 , 1877 ; Februar y 12 , 1878 ; an d Apri l 28 , 1878 . Al l i n Smith Colleg e Archives , Clas s of 1880 , Bo x 1317 . 62. Hele n Lyma n Mille r to her mother , Novembe r 13 , 1877 , ibid. 63. Se e Helen' s lette r o f Februar y 12 , 1878 , i n ibid. : "You as k about Mr . Harris an d To m Creighton , an d the n sa y 'Don' t hav e an y secret s fro m you r mother/ Dea r Mamma , I don' t wan t t o hav e any , an d i f I hav e no t writte n you abou t thes e tw o boys , i t i s rathe r becaus e I forgo t i t tha n becaus e I di d not wish you t o know everything. " 64. Hele n Lyma n Mille r t o he r mother , Decembe r 11 , 1877 ; Marc h 8 , 1878; and Ma y 19 , 1878 ; all in ibid. 65. Inventory , Hele n Lyma n Mille r Correspondence, i n ibid. 66. Anothe r interestin g exampl e o f materna l pressur e fo r a daughter t o pursue highe r educatio n appear s i n a not e t o Anni e Winso r Allen , whos e mother fel t tha t sh e wa s no t preparin g adequatel y t o tak e th e entranc e examinations fo r Radcliffe : " I hav e bee n sorr y t o se e yo u s o dilator y an d flabby about it all—it ha s seemed a s if you reall y didn't care to do it, after all , or els e a s i f yo u wer e s o discourage d tha t yo u though t i t no t worthwhil e t o try. I am sure thi s last is a perfectly unnecessar y feeling—yo u hav e sufficien t ability an d althoug h you r educatio n ha s no t bee n wha t I could hav e wished , still i t ha s ha d it s advantages. " Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen, Augus t 29 , 1882 , Serie s III , Bo x 23 , Folde r 380 , Alle n Papers . Se e also Joseph Rett' s observation regardin g th e nineteenth-centur y middle-clas s tendency t o kee p girl s i n hig h schoo l longe r tha n boys : "Possessio n o f a n educated daughte r becam e a sor t o f prestig e symbol , a crud e for m o f con spicuous consumption" ; Rites of Passage: Adolescence in America, ijgo to the Present (New York , 1977) , 138 . 67. Solomon , In the Company of Educated Women, 67—68 . 68. Fo r example s o f letter s fro m Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r t o Katharin e Dummer Fishe r a t Radcliffe , se e Bo x 44 , Folder s 911-20 , an d Bo x 45 , Folders 922—23 , Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Rad cliffe College . 69. Katharin e Dumme r Fishe r t o Ethe l Sturge s Dummer , Decembe r 4 , 1910, Addendum, Bo x 42 , Folde r 886 , ibid . 70. Katharin e Dumme r Fishe r t o he r family , Januar y 22 , 1911 , ibid. ; Katharine t o Ethe l Sturge s Dummer , Novembe r 14 , 1912 , Bo x 42 , Folde r 891; an d Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r t o Katharine , Bo x 44, Folde r 911, ibid. 71. Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r t o Mabe l Fisher , Jun e 28 , 1915 , Bo x 45 , Folder 924 , ibid . Th e lette r i s marke d i n pencil , " I believ e thi s wa s neve r sent." Mrs . Dummer' s suggestio n tha t sexua l repressio n coul d b e unhealth y reflected a new , twentieth-centur y emphasi s o n th e importanc e o f sexua l satisfaction i n marriage ; Elain e Tyle r May , Great Expectations: Marriage and Divorce in Post-Victorian America (Chicago, 1980) , 92. 72. Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r t o "Happy " (Ethel) Dumme r Mintzer , Febru ary 13 , 1918 , Bo x 10 , Folder 164 , Dummer Papers .

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73. Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r t o "Happy " (Ethel) Dumme r Mintzer , July 8 , 1920, Bo x 10 , Folder 165a , ibid. See also her encouraging lette r of Decembe r 27, 1921 : "D o no t le t an y feelin g o f inferiority , th e though t tha t yo u ar e to o human, hol d yo u fro m takin g i n th e worl d th e bi g plac e fo r whic h yo u ar e fitted"; Bo x 3 , Folde r 42, ibid. 74. Se e detailed correspondenc e betwee n Mario n and he r mother, Bo x 3 , Folder 37 , ibid . 75. See , fo r example , letter s t o Ethe l Sturge s Dumme r fro m Katharin e Dummer Fisher , Bo x 43 , Folde r 895 ; letters fro m "Happy " (Ethel) Dumme r Mintzer, Bo x 10 , Folder 162 ; and letter s fro m France s Dumme r Logan , Bo x 12, Folde r 185 . All in ibid. 76. France s Dummer Loga n t o Ethel Sturges Dummer , January 27 , 1918 , Box 12 , Folde r 184 , ibid . Se e als o a lette r date d Februar y 27 , 1921 , whic h expressed Frances' s dismay tha t her mother ha d tol d he r sister Happ y some thing she ha d asked he r not to mention, i n Box 12 , Folder 185 , ibid. 77. France s Dumme r Loga n t o Ethe l Sturge s Dummer , Marc h 2 , 1919 , Box 12 , Folder 185 , ibid. 78. Eliz a Co e Brow n Moor e t o Dorothe a Ma y Moore , Apri l 28 , 1912 , Dorothea Ma y Moor e Papers , Bo x 3 , Folde r 69 , Schlesinge r Library , Rad cliffe College . 79. Margare t Lesle y Bush-Brow n t o Lydi a Bush-Brown , Bo x 6 , Bush Brown Famil y Papers , Sophia Smit h Collection , Smith College . 80. Hele n Lando n Cas s t o he r mother , Januar y 5 , 1917 ; Octobe r 13 , 1916; Octobe r n.d. , 1916 ; January 23 , 1917 ; an d Januar y 29 , 1917 ; Smit h College Archives , Class of 1920 , Box 1810 . 81. A recen t stud y b y Lyn n D . Gordo n suggest s tha t th e secon d genera tion o f youn g wome n wh o attende d colleg e wer e portraye d a s a typ e o f Gibson Gir l i n th e popula r literatur e o f th e Progressiv e era , whic h describe d college lif e i n term s o f prank s an d amusin g socia l activities . Gordo n argue s that thi s portraya l responde d t o societa l concern s abou t th e possibl e effect s of highe r educatio n o n youn g wome n b y depictin g the m i n sociall y accept able setting s tha t provide d reassuranc e tha t drasti c socia l chang e wa s no t taking place . Cultura l reassuranc e o f this sor t coul d als o increas e materna l comfort wit h regar d t o daughters ' untraditiona l choices . "Th e Gibso n Gir l Goes t o College : Popula r Cultur e an d Women' s Highe r Educatio n i n th e Progressive Era , 1890-1920, " American Quarterly 39, 2 (Summer 1987) : 211— 30. Se e als o Lyn n D . Gordon , Gender and Higher Education in the Progressive Era (Ne w Haven , 1990) . 82. Sharo n O'Brien , Willa Gather: The Emerging Voice (New York , 1987) , 104. 83. Joyc e Antler , Lucy Sprague Mitchell: The Making of a Modern Woman (New Haven , 1987) ; Sar a Alpern , Freda Kirchwey, a Woman of the Nation (Cambridge, Mass. , 1987) , 11 . Materna l value s als o contribute d t o Christin e Ladd-Franklin's abilit y t o pursu e a caree r i n th e male-dominate d worl d o f scientific psychology ; se e Laure l Furumoto , "Joinin g Separat e Spheres —

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Christine Ladd-Franklin , Woma n Scientis t (1847-1930), " American Psychologist 47, 2 (February 1992) : 175-82 . 84. Abbi e Blaisdel l Quenea u t o Marguerit e Queneau , Ma y 18 , 1922 , Carton 1 , Folder 15 , Marguerit e Quenea u Papers , Schlesinger Library , Rad cliffe College . 85. Abbi e Blaisdel l Quenea u t o Marguerit e Queneau , Decembe r 5 , 1920 ; March 28 , 1921 ; Augus t 11 , 1921 ; and Octobe r 27 , 1921 ; Carton 1 , Folde r 14, ibid. Although Mrs . Queneau ha d attended college , she never graduated . See intervie w wit h Marguerit e Queneau , 1983 , Transcript I , p . 5, Carto n 1 , Folder 20 , ibid. 86. See , fo r example , letter s writte n Octobe r 27 , 1921 ; Novembe r 15 , 1921; Februar y 22 , 1923 ; Apri l 27 , 1923 ; an d Marc h 31 , 1924 , Carto n 1 , Folder 14 , ibid. 87. Abbi e Blaisdel l Quenea u t o Marguerit e Queneau , Octobe r 31 , 1924 , Carton 1 , Folder 15 , ibid. Marguerit e Queneau' s observations i n an intervie w many year s late r suggeste d tha t sh e fel t clos e t o her mothe r a s an adult , an d that th e tie s between the m remaine d stron g eve n afte r th e latter' s death. Sh e noted especiall y tha t becaus e he r mothe r ha d bee n "ver y New England, " she felt tha t sh e ha d root s i n Boston . "S o althoug h I' m tellin g yo u thi s i n 1982 , and mothe r die d i n 1933 , I fee l mothe r clos e t o me , aroun d me . Wheneve r there's somethin g reall y fine, i t just seem s 'mothe r woul d hav e agree d wit h that.' " Interview wit h Marguerit e Queneau , 1982 , Carton 1 , Folder 19 , ibid. 88. Se e the lengthy correspondence fro m Lucil e Burdette Tuttle to Frances Davidson Tuttle , Serie s IIA , Bo x 8 , Folder s 15 6 and 157 , and Bo x 9 , Folder s 158-62, Tuttl e Famil y Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College . 89. Lucil e Burdett e Tuttl e t o France s Davidso n Tuttle , Jun e 25 , 1922 , Series IIA , Bo x 9 , Folde r 158 , ibid. 90. Lucil e B . Tuttl e t o France s D . Tuttle , Ma y 7 , 1922 . Se e als o he r similar sentiments : "Ther e ar e s o man y o f th e girl s who m I a m lookin g forward t o having you mee t whe n yo u com e back , and who m I want t o mee t you. Just thin k o f Mother' s Da y a t the Kapp a Ph i House . It s [sic] going t o be great believ e me " (Jun e 25 , 1922) . Bot h i n Serie s 1 1 A, Bo x 9 , Folde r 158 , ibid. See als o an earlier letter : "No t only wil l I be meeting other mothers, bu t they an d thei r son s an d daughter s wil l b e meetin g my mother, and o h ho w proud 1*1 1 be.. . . I kno w th e tim e i s just goin g t o fly" (May 26 , 1918??) , i n Series IIB , Bo x 8 , Folde r 154 . (As the question mark s indicate, the 191 8 dat e is probably incorrec t as Lucile wa s not a Denison studen t i n that year.) 91. Unpublishe d writin g b y Ma x Eastman , quote d i n Kare n Payne , ed. , Between Ourselves: Letters Between Mothers & f Daughters, 1750-1982 (Boston , 1983), 140 . 92. Anni s For d Eastma n t o Crysta l Eastman , 1899 ; Crysta l Eastma n t o her mother, Marc h 6, 1907 ; quoted i n Payne , ed., Between Ourselves, 140, 142 . 93. Se e letter s fro m Crysta l Eastma n t o Anni s For d Eastman , Marc h 6 , 1907, and June 25 , 1907 , an d fro m Anni s For d Eastman to Crystal Eastman , March 7 , 1907 , and Ma y 3, 1909 , in Payne , ed., Between Ourselves, 143-48.

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94. "Mothe r Worship, " The Nation, Marc h 16 , 1927 , reprinte d i n Elain e Showaiter, ed. , These Modern Women: Autobiographical Essays from the Twenties (New York , 1989) , 87-92. Tw o decades earlier she had tol d he r mother, "N o one reall y know s ho w passionatel y I lov e y o u . . . . I simply can' t imagin e m y life withou t you" ; Crystal Eastma n t o Annis For d Eastman , n.d. , 1907 , quote d in Payne, ed., Between Ourselves, 140. 95. Ora l interview , The Twentieth-Century Trade Union Woman: Vehicle for Social Change Oral History Project, Institute o f Labo r and Industria l Relations , University o f Michigan-Wayn e Stat e Universit y (An n Arbor , 1978) , 43 . Ms . Luscomb was eighty-nine whe n sh e was interviewed . 96. Virgini a Gildersleeve, Many a Good Crusade (New York , 1954) , 39 . 97. Ibid. , 48. 98. Ibid. , 4 0 - 4 1, 50-53 , 63, 199-200 . 99. Ibid. , 204 . 100. A recen t reappraisa l o f th e literature o n Victoria n sexualit y suggest s that a femal e generatio n ga p i n attitude s an d belief s abou t se x ma y hav e separated youn g wome n an d thei r mother s durin g thi s perod . Thi s coul d also contribut e t o heightene d tension s betwee n college-educate d daughter s (and othe r middle-clas s daughter s a s well ) an d thei r mothers ; se e Stephe n Seidman, "Th e Powe r o f Desir e an d th e Dange r o f Pleasure : Victoria n Sexuality Reconsidered, " Journal of Social History 24 (Fal l 1990) : 47—67. 101. See , fo r example , th e us e o f expression s suc h a s "scare d t o death, " "it was screaming, " "I thin k i t is perfectl y killing, " "I got a spiffy bi d t o clas s day fro m Sa m Lawrence, " an d "P.D.Q., " in letter s writte n fro m Smit h Col lege by Mary Antoinette Clap p to her mother between 190 8 and 1911 ; Smith College Archives , Class of 1912 , Box 1700 . 102. My Thirty Years' War (Ne w York , 1969) , first publishe d i n 1930 . See , for example , Margaret' s characterizatio n o f he r mother' s emotiona l make up, 9 - 1 0 , an d her discussion o f hostil e interactions, 1 7 and 25-27 . Other example s o f troubled , althoug h no t necessaril y completel y hostil e mother-daughter interaction s includ e Charlott e Perkin s Gilman' s problem s with he r mother , wh o wa s no t particularl y supportiv e o f he r daughter' s ambitions a t first , i n Mar y A . Hill , Charlotte Perkins Oilman: The Making of a Radical Feminist, 1860-1896 (Philadelphia , 1980) ; Jan e Addams' s conflic t with he r stepmothe r regardin g famil y obligations , i n Jan e Addams , "Filia l Relations," i n Democracy and Social Ethics (New York , 1902) , 71—101 ; Gene vieve Taggard' s effort s t o escap e fro m he r mother' s authoritarianism , i n Genevieve Taggard , "Poe t Ou t o f Pioneer, " in Showalter , ed. , These Modern Women, 63-68; an d Mar y Heato n Vorse' s complicate d ye t distan t relation ship wit h he r mother , i n De e Garrison , Mary Heaton Vorse: The Life of an American Insurgent (Philadelphia, 1989) . 103. My Thirty Years' War, 64-65 . 104. I n a lette r t o he r sister , Clar a commente d o n thi s issue : " I se e he r position perfectly. I can understan d ho w i t is very natura l fo r you r mothe r t o want t o 'warn ' yo u an d 'suggest ' a s sh e say s an d i t mus t b e ver y har d t o

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realize tha t you haven' t you r daughter' s confidence . Bu t I have yet to see th e mother wh o has ! It' s impossible!" Februar y 18 , 1915 , Bo x 3 , Folde r 55 , Clar a Savage Littledal e Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 105. Februar y 15 , 1915 , Bo x 1 , Volume 17 , Journal fo r 1915 , ibid. 106. Clar a Savag e Littledal e t o he r siste r Marion , Augus t 2 , 1918 , Bo x 3 , Folder 56 , ibid. 107. See , for example, journal entrie s fo r 1914 , 1915 , and 1916 , Volume s 16, 17 , 18 , Box 1 , in ibid . 108. Februar y 2 , 1916 , Leila Secor: A Diary in Letters, 1915—1922, ed . Barbara Moenc h Florenc e (Ne w York , 1978) , 33. 109. Marc h 20 , 1916 , i n ibid., 54-55 . 110. Electio n Day , November , 1916 , in ibid., 109-10 . 111. See , fo r example , letter s writte n b y Leila' s secretar y whic h assure d her mothe r tha t sh e woul d writ e soon , Januar y 16 , 1917 , an d Marc h 21 , 1917, an d he r ow n letter , Septembe r n.d. , 1918 : "I am s o sorr y tha t you fel t I wa s ungratefu l fo r th e dea r thing s yo u hav e mad e fo r th e baby , an d als o for your characteristic thoughtfulnes s i n sending th e cakes and corn. I thought you woul d understan d tha t tha t hastil y scribble d not e o n yello w pape r wa s not mean t a s a reply t o your lette r or a s an acknowledgmen t o f th e gifts , bu t rather a s a makeshift t o le t you kno w ho w I was until I could ge t off a better letter"; ibid., 122 , 137 , 177 . 112. I n a lette r t o he r sisters , Marc h n.d. , 1921 , she wrote : "I t is so har d for m e t o realiz e tha t Mothe r i s reall y gone . . . . Sh e i s constantl y i n m y thoughts, an d ofte n i n th e mids t o f th e ver y strenuou s activitie s whic h hav e filled m y day s i n th e pas t fe w weeks , I hav e foun d mysel f weepin g withou t really knowin g wh y at first—just a sense o f irretrievabl e loss . . . . I used t o be afraid tha t memorie s o f th e unhapp y time s whic h w e sometime s ha d woul d finally predominate . Bu t thi s isn' t s o a t all . Sh e wa s s o muc h tha t wa s goo d and cleve r an d tende r an d fine tha t al l he r foible s see m swallowe d u p an d forgotten. I would s o love t o have see n he r once more" ; ibid., 247 . 113. "Th e Femal e Worl d of Lov e and Ritual" ; "Hearing Women's Words: A Feminis t Reconstructio n o f History" ; an d "Th e Ne w Woma n a s Androg yne: Socia l Disorde r an d Gende r Crisis , 1870-1936, " i n Carrol l Smith-Ro senberg, Disorderly Conduct, 53—76, 11-52 , 245-96 . Fo r an interesting discussion o f th e positiv e contributio n o f families , particularl y mothers , t o th e continuing growt h an d developmen t o f college-educate d daughters , se e Joyce Antler, " 'After College , What?' : New Graduate s and th e Famil y Claim." 114. Lydi a Mari a Chil d t o "Louise, " Novembe r 9 , 1863 , Lorin g Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College , quote d i n Car l Degler , At Odds: Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the Present (New York , 1980) , 106. 115. Hanna h Whital l Smith , aun t o f M . Care y Thomas , t o Mar y Beren son, he r daughter , Septembe r 28 , 1910 , i n Loga n Pearsal l Smith , ed. , Philadelphia Quaker: The Letters of Hannah Whitall Smith (New York, 1950) , 210 .

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116. Journa l entry , Octobe r 22 , 1916 , Bo x 1 , Volum e 18 , Littledal e Pa pers. 6. "We Need Each Other" 1. Recollection s o f Luc y Wilson Peters , Box 1 , Folder 5 , Elizabet h Milla r Wilson Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College . 2. Blanch e Ame s Ame s t o he r parents , Jun e 24 , 1900 . Se e numerou s additional letter s writte n whil e sh e wa s o n he r honeymoon , al l i n Bo x 21 , Folder 226 , Ames Famil y Papers, Sophia Smith Collection , Smith College . 3. Anni s For d Eastma n t o Crysta l Eastman , Marc h 3 , 1907 , i n Kare n Payne, ed. , Between Ourselves: Letters Between Mothers and Daughters (Boston , 1983), 146 . 4. Carolin e Judson Hitchcoc k t o Mar y L . Hitchcock , Octobe r 21 , 1897 , Box 4 , Folde r 3 , Presiden t Edwar d Hitchcoc k Papers , Amhers t Colleg e Ar chives. 5. Carolin e Judso n Hitchcoc k t o he r mother , Februar y 28 , 1892 , an d October 1 , 1893 , Box 2 , Folder 27 , and Bo x 3 , Folder 2 ; and Mar y Hitchcoc k to Bess Hitchcock , Novembe r 4 , 1893 ; all in ibid. See als o other letter s abou t clothing fro m Carolin e an d Bes s Hitchcock , Bo x 2 , Folder s 2 6 an d 27 , an d letters fro m Luc y Hitchcock , Novembe r 23 , 1893 : " I a m cros s a s ca n be — disgusted too . Why ? Becaus e al l m y clothe s ar e wearin g out. " Box 3 , Folde r 2; February 10 , 1893 , Box 3, Folder 1 ; and Marc h 9, 1893 , Box 3 , Folder 1 . 6. Mar y Elizabet h Home r t o Eugeni e Home r Emerson , Jul y 10 , 1896 , Series I , Bo x 2 , Folde r 19 , Emerson-Nichol s Famil y Papers , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College ; Sophi a Bledso e Herric k t o Louis e Herric k Wall , August 5 , 1900 , Bo x 3 , Folde r 50 , Bledsoe-Herric k Famil y Papers , Schlesin ger Library; and letter s from Eleanor a Boswort h t o Louise Bosworth , Carto n 1, Folder 54 , Louise Mario n Boswort h Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College. 7. Lul u Perr y Fulle r t o he r mother , Mar y Alic e Ric e Perry , January 1 , 1896, an d Januar y 27 , 1896 , Folde r 6 , typescripts , Perr y Famil y Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College . 8. Mar y Alice Ric e Perr y to her mother , Mar y How e Rice , June 3 , 1900 , Box 1 , Folder 4, ibid. 9. Hele n Jackso n Cabo t Alm y t o he r daughte r Mary , Jun e 8 , 1908 , Helen Jackson Cabo t Almy Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 10. Ann e Ben t Ware Winsor to Annie Winsor Allen, Ma y 23, 1892 , Serie s III, Bo x 24 , Folde r 383 , Anni e Winso r Alle n Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College . 11. Addendu m t o lette r writte n Ma y 23 , 1892 , date d Ma y 24 , an d Ann e Bent War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Apri l 28 , 1893 , Serie s III , Bo x 24, Folde r 384 , Alle n Papers . I n th e sam e folder , se e he r lette r date d Apri l 28, 1893 , m whic h sh e expresse d he r objection s t o Jane's engagemen t t o a

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man wh o wa s "distinctl y beneat h her , i n ag e an d though t an d idea s an d understanding" an d he r fear s abou t th e eventua l outcom e o f thi s unsuitabl e alliance. Regardin g he r concern s abou t he r daughte r Mary , see he r lette r o f February 25 , 1892 , whic h report s tha t Mar y neve r see s anyon e excep t "a t some meetin g o r lectur e occasionally... . I can' t g o an d as k peopl e fo r invitations fo r her . An d I don't se e wh y the y leave he r out so unanimously. I lie awake night s over it"; Series III , Bo x 24 , Folde r 383. 12. Bes s Hitchcoc k t o Mar y L . Hitchcock , n.d. , 1896 , Bo x 4 , Folde r 1 , President Hitchcoc k Papers . 13. Eugeni e Home r Emerso n t o Mar y Elizabeth Homer , Februar y 6 , 1897, Serie s I , Bo x 1 , Folde r 6 , Emerson-Nichol s Famil y Papers . Se e als o a letter fro m Dorothe a Ma y Moor e t o her parents , Novembe r 2 , 1926 , reassuring the m tha t the y ha d don e th e righ t thin g i n thei r treatmen t o f anothe r daughter whos e life-styl e the y foun d unsuitable ; Bo x 4 , Folde r 97, Dorothe a May Moore Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 14. Februar y 9 , 1886 , i n Maud, ed . Richar d L . Strou t (Ne w York , 1939) , 37015. Mar y L . Hitchcoc k t o Bes s Hitchcock , Novembe r 4 , 1893 , Bo x 3 , Folder 1 , Presiden t Hitchcoc k Papers ; Emil y Perkin s Hal e t o Elle n D . Hale , January 22 , 1893 , Bo x 32a , Folde r 797 , Hal e Famil y Papers , Sophi a Smit h Collection, Smit h College . 16. Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg, "Th e Femal e Worl d of Love and Ritual, " in Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America (New York , 1985) , 53—76; Marily n Ferri s Motz , True Sisterhood: Michigan Women and Their Kin, 1820—1920 (Albany , 1983) ; Nancy F . Cott, The Bonds of Womanhood: "Woman's Sphere" in New England, 1780-1835 (Ne w Haven , 1977) . 17. Mar y A. Hill , Charlotte Perkins Gilman: The Making of a Radical Feminist, 1860-1896 (Philadelphia , 1980) , 124-25 , 127 . 18. Eliz a Co e Brow n Moor e t o Mar y Elizabet h Adam s Brown , Octobe r 21, 1893 , B ° x 1 , Folder 8 , Dorothea Ma y Moore Papers . 19. Fran k Fulle r t o Mar y Alic e Ric e Perry , Februar y 17 , 1898 , typescript , Folder 6, Perr y Famil y Papers . 20. France s Tuttle to her mother, Marc h ??, 1902, Series II, Box 4, Folde r 50, Tuttle Famil y Papers, Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 21. France s Tuttle t o her mother , Marc h 1 , 1903 , Series II , Box 4, Folde r 52, ibid . 22. France s Tuttl e t o he r mother , Marc h 13 , 1903 , Serie s II , Bo x 4 , Folder 55 , ibid . Se e als o a lette r t o he r mothe r an d he r siste r i n whic h sh e repeats tha t sh e i s no t sorr y t o b e pregnan t an d tha t she hope s th e bab y wil l live; May 7, 1903 , Series II , Box 4 , Folde r 53 , ibid. 23. France s Tuttl e t o he r mother , June 1 , 1903 , Serie s II , Bo x 4 , Folde r 53, ibid . 24. Lydi a Auerbac h t o Lydia Mari e Parsons , n.d. , 1917 , Bo x 1 , Folder 4 , Lydia Mari e Parson s Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . Mrs . Auerbach's desir e fo r he r daughte r t o come hom e fo r th e birt h o f he r chil d

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recalls the feelings o f connection betwee n female famil y members described by both Marily n Ferri s Motz and Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg i n their analyses of nineteenth-centur y women' s live s i n True Sisterhood an d "Th e Femal e World of Love and Ritual." 25. Lydi a Auerbac h t o Lydi a Mari e Parsons , January 4 , 1918 , Bo x 1 , Folder 4, Parsons Papers. 26. Lydi a Auerbac h t o Lydi a Mari e Parsons , Augus t 2 , 1928 , Bo x 1 , Folder 5, ibid. 27. See , fo r example, letter s written i n 1895 , 1902 , and 1903 , Section I , Correspondence, Bo x 18 , Folde r 6 , Charle s Edwar d Garma n Papers , Amherst College Archives. The note dictated by Affa's daughter was enclosed in a lette r date d Novembe r 13 , 1903 , Sectio n I , Correspondence , Bo x 18 , Folder 7. 28. Jul y 24 , 1893 ; Marc h 6, 1894 ; and Novembe r 25 , 1895 ; Serie s III , Carton 3 , Folder s 9 5 an d 96 , Bradle y Famil y Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College . See extensive correspondence fro m Amy Aldis Bradley to her mother, Mary T. Aldis, 1892-1909, Folders 93-134, which describes the affluent middle-clas s life-style of a devoted wife and mother. 29. Anni e Winsor Allen to Ann Bent Ware Winsor, March 13 , 1904, and n.d., 1904 , Series III, Box 27, Folder 411, Allen Papers. 30. Whateve r the subjec t might be, sharing daughters' letters wa s a way of nurturin g th e networ k o f connection s betwee n mother s an d thei r off spring. See , fo r example , Mar y Hitchcock' s instruction s t o he r daughte r Caroline: "I send all these letters on to you for I know you will be interested in the m al l pleas e sen d bac k to m e . . . bu t sen d Bessie' s lette r t o Mabe l & ask he r t o retur n i t to us after sh e ha s read it " (January 20 , 1901) , Bo x 4, Folder 7 , Presiden t Hitchcoc k Papers ; Mar y Elizabet h Homer' s advic e t o Eugenie Home r Emerson: "Anything you want me to see and no one else put 'private' o n th e back " (Novembe r 26 , 1896) , Serie s I , Bo x 2 , Folde r 19 , Emerson-Nichols Famil y Papers ; an d Emil y Perkin s Hale' s assuranc e tha t her own mother took "the greatest pleasure" in having her granddaughter's letters rea d t o her , i n Lette r t o Elle n Hale , Februar y 19 , 1895 , Bo x 32a , Folder 798 . Mrs . Hal e rea d th e letter s "wit h a tube " because he r mothe r was har d o f hearing . Sh e fel t guilt y becaus e sh e di d no t wan t t o just giv e her the letter s t o read for herself, but , as she pu t it, "somehow I can't bear to." She als o shared Ellen' s letters with other intereste d femal e friend s an d relatives. 31. Mar y Pierce Poor to her unmarried daughters Agnes Blake Poor and Lucy Poor, January 28, 1888, and to Agnes, Lucy, and Mary Poor Chandler, the "boys' " mother, July 1 , 1895, Box 12 , Folders 18 5 and 186 , Poor Family Collection, Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College. 32. Mar y Pierce Poor to Mary Poor Chandler, July 9, 1895 , and July 15 , 1898, Box 15 , Folders 242 and 243, ibid. 33. An n Ben t Ware Winsor to Annie Winsor Allen, Marc h 8, 1901 , and March 7, 1901 , Series III, Box 24, Folder 393, Allen Papers.

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34. Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Anni e Winso r Allen , Augus t 29 , 1902 , Series III , Bo x 25 , Folde r 394 , ibid. 35. See , fo r example , variou s affectionat e letter s writte n i n 1904 , whic h describe th e detail s o f he r lif e an d he r children' s activities , Serie s III , Bo x 27, Folde r 411, ibid. 36. Se e chapter 5 , pp . 96, 9 8 - 9 9 . 37. Autobiographica l typescrip t an d unpublishe d biography , "M y Littl e Mother," Mar y William s Dewso n Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e Col lege. 38. Carolin e Hitchcoc k t o Mar y L . Hitchcock , Octobe r 15 , 1893 , an d Lucy Hitchcoc k t o Mar y L . Hitchcock , n.d. , 1893 , bot h i n Serie s III , Bo x 2 , President Hitchcoc k Papers . 39. Hele n Brewste r t o Ann a William s Brewster , Apri l 16 , 1903 , an d September 11 , 1904 , Bo x 4 , Folde r 25 , Brewste r Famil y Papers , Sophi a Smith Collection , Smit h College . 40. Fo r evidence of thei r devotion t o family matters, see letters from thei r mother, Mar y Pierc e Poor , t o Agnes , Bo x 13 , Folder s 194 , 196 , 199 , an d t o Lucy, Bo x 13 , Folders 208 , 209 , 210 , 211 , Poor Famil y Collection . 41. Elizabet h Eller y Dan a t o Sarah Watso n Dana , Apri l 10 , 1885 , Box 16 , Folder 51 , Dana Famil y Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 42. Ann a Gertrud e Brewste r t o Ann a William s Brewster , Februar y 11 , 1907, Bo x 4 , Folde r 16 , Brewster Famil y Papers . 43. Se e example s o f thei r letter s t o on e another , Bo x 45a , Folder s 1064 , 1066, 1069 , 1070 , an d Bo x 32b , Folder s 79 9 an d 800 , Hal e Famil y Papers . Ellen eventuall y serve d a s her father' s hostes s during hi s term as chaplain o f the U.S . Senate , fro m 190 4 until hi s death i n 1907 . 44. Chapte r 1 , pp . 12-14 , an d i n Smith-Rosenberg , "Th e Femal e Worl d of Lov e and Ritual. " 45. Elle n D . Hal e t o Emil y Perkin s Hale , Decembe r 2 , 1887 , Bo x 45a , Folder 1064 , an d Decembe r 15 , 1900 , Bo x 45a , Folde r 1070 , Hal e Famil y Papers. See also her letters of Ma y 10 , 1894 : "I've been havin g . . . quiet day s (I wrot e yo u o n th e first) owin g t o th e Friend " and Augus t 18 , 1901 : "I a m feeling muc h better , i t i s a much less tryin g bou t tha n th e last . I t wa s severa l days late"; Box 45a , Folder s 106 7 an d 1070 , ibid. 46. Emil y Perkin s Hal e t o Elle n D . Hale , Augus t 26 , 1901 , Bo x 32b , Folder 800 , an d Novembe r 18 , 1896 , Bo x 32b , Folde r 799 ; Ellen D . Hal e t o Emily Perkin s Hale , January 22 , 1893 , Box 45a , Folde r 1066 , ibid. 47. Aff a Mine r Tuttle t o Mrs. D. W. Miner, November n.d. , 1903 , Section I, Correspondence , Bo x 18 , Folde r 6 , Garma n Papers . Se e als o her lette r o f December 1 , 1905 , Bo x 18 , Folder 7 , ibid . 48. Lette r fro m Aff a Mine r Tuttle , addresse d t o "dea r One s a t Home, " November 29 , 1903 , Section I , Box 18 , Folder 7 , Garman Papers . 49. Eugeni e Home r Emerso n t o Mar y Elizabet h Homer , Novembe r 11 , 1896, Series I , Bo x 1 , Folder 4, Emerson-Nichol s Famil y Papers. 50. Sophi a Bledso e Herric k t o Louise Herric k Wall , August 5 , 1900 , Bo x 3, Folde r 50 , Bledsoe-Herrick Famil y Papers .

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51. Rut h Gordo n t o her daughter, Marc h 13 , 1886 , and Novembe r 11 , 1887, Folder 1 , Ruth Gordon Papers, Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College . See als o reference s t o bot h he r daughter' s healt h an d he r ow n i n letter s dated Octobe r 22 , 1884 ; Februar y 27 , 1885 ; an d Apri l 5 , 1886 ; al l i n Folder 1. 52. Mar y Elizabet h Home r t o Eugeni e Home r Emerson , Januar y 25 , 1897, Box 2, Folder 18 , Emerson-Nichols Family Papers. 53. Mar y Elizabeth Homer to Eugenie Homer Emerson, March 24, 1897, and Eugenie Home r Emerso n to her mother, March 24, 1898 , Series I, Box 2, Folder 19 , and Box 1 , Folder 7, Emerson-Nichols Famil y Papers. See, fo r example, letter s fro m France s Tuttl e t o he r mothe r i n Serie s II , Bo x 4 , Folders 50, 52, 53, 55, and 64, Tuttle Family Papers. 54. Th e Bledsoe-Herric k Famil y Paper s contai n eighty-thre e folder s o f Mrs. Herrick's letter s to her daughter. See , for example, those contained in Series II, Boxes 2 and 3. 55. Sophi a Bledso e Herric k t o Louise Herric k Wall , Februar y 12 , 1899 , Box 3 , Folde r 45 , Bledsoe-Herric k Famil y Collection . A lette r t o Virginia , who lived nearby , suggests that Mrs. Herrick als o enjoyed a warm relationship wit h her : "M y preciou s littl e gir l I wan t t o tel l yo u tha t I hav e fel t intensely al l your love and tenderness these last years of m y life. And that I love you very dearly" (October 8, 1908) ; Box 6, Folde r n o . Nevertheless , it is not difficult t o understand why Virginia found her mother "lugubrious" in her constant yearning for Louise, whom she regarded as "the nearest of the children"; Sophi a Bledso e Herric k t o Louis e Herric k Wall , July 17 , 1917 , Box 6, Folder 107 , Bledsoe-Herrick Famil y Papers. 56. Sophi a Bledsoe Herric k to Louise Herric k Wall, December 27 , 1889 , Box 2, Folder 29, ibid. 57. Sophi a Bledsoe Herrick to Louise Herrick Wall, July 17 , 1917, Box 6, Folder 107 , ibid. Interestingly, a note on an envelope in Box 6, Folde r 107 , records th e fac t tha t Louis e spen t eightee n month s wit h he r mothe r just before the latter's death on October 9, 1919. 58. Catherin e Booth-Clibbor n t o Victori a Boot h Demarest , n.d. , 1910 , and Fragment , n.d. , bot h in Carton 1 , Folder 25 , Victoria Boot h Demares t Papers, Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe College. 59. Catherin e Booth-Clibbor n t o Victori a Boot h Demarest , Fragment , n.d., 1913 ; February 2 6 (probably), 1909 ; August 3 , 1907 ; March 21, 1908; and Marc h 15 , 1910 , al l in Carton 1 , Folder 25 ; and tw o letters writte n i n n.d., 1913 , in Carton 1 , Folder 26, Victoria Booth Demarest Papers. 60. Catherin e Booth-Clibbor n t o Victori a Boot h Demarest , Augus t 3 , 1907, Carto n 1 , Folde r 25 , and n.d. , probabl y 1915 , Carto n 1 , Folde r 26 , ibid. Victori a wa s eightee n whe n th e firs t lette r wa s writte n an d probabl y twenty-six when she received the second one. 61. See , fo r example , letter s writte n i n n.d. , 1903 , an d o n Marc h 21 , 1908, and February 26 (probably), 1909, all in Carton 1 , Folder 25, ibid. 62. Notatio n o n a manila envelope i n Carton 1 , Folder 25 , and a slip of paper in Folder 26, ibid.

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63. Januar y 25 , Marc h 18 , Ma y 6 , an d June 13 , 1914 ; Diar y o f Victori a Booth Demarest , Carto n 1 , Folde r 19 , ibid . Occasiona l apologeti c comment s suggest tha t Mrs . Booth-Clibborn fel t sh e asked to o muc h of her daughter — for example , he r statement , " I a m unjus t t o you because this constant irritation wears me" (n.d., 1914) ; Carton 1 , Folder 26 , ibid. 64. R . A . Fiel d t o he r aunt , Marc h 31 , 1890 , Fiel d Famil y Collection , Michigan Historica l Collection, Bendey Library , University of Michigan, quoted in Motz, True Sisterhood, 116 . 65. Blanch e Ame s Ame s t o Blanch e Butle r Ames , n.d. , 1900 , Bo x 21 , Folder 226 , Ame s Famil y Papers ; Jean Mine r t o he r sister , Elizabet h Mine r Garman, Ma y 25 , 1901 , Garman Papers , Serie s I , Bo x 14 , Folder 1 , and als o letters dated Februar y 28 , 1884 , Series I , Box 13 , Folder 8 ; July 3, 1901 ; and July 5 , 1901 , Bo x 14 , Folde r 2 ; an d Luc y Hitchcoc k t o Carolin e Hitchcock , n.d., 1899 , Bo x 4 , Folde r 5 , Presiden t Hitchcoc k Papers . Se e als o a lette r from Mar y Colton Boie s t o her mother , Marc h 8 , 1888 : "I am not aware tha t either Abbi e . . . o r I ar e i n th e habi t o f concealin g anything from yo u o r Father, o r misrepresentin g affair s fo r ther e i s nothin g t o conceal . Whe n I was s o sic k thre e year s ag o an d yo u wer e sic k a t th e sam e time , I di d no t think i t advisabl e t o sa y anythin g abou t it , t o aggravat e you r worry bu t tha t has bee n all" ; Bo x 3 , Folde r 30 , Bessi e Boie s Cotto n Papers , Sophi a Smit h Collection, Smit h College . 66. See , fo r example , letter s fro m Mrs . D . W . Mine r t o he r daughter , Elizabeth Mine r Garman, which urg e he r to visit—"I a m afraid i f you do no t come dow n i n ter m tim e yo u won' t com e a t all"—and t o write ever y da y s o that he r parent s wil l kno w sh e i s healthy ; June 6 , 1893 ; January 28 , 1896 ; December 2 , 1905 ; an d n.d. , 1905 , all i n Serie s I , Bo x 13 , Folder 2 , Garma n Papers. 67. See , fo r example , Mau d Rittenhouse' s comment s o n he r parents ' opposition t o he r desir e t o tr y teaching : "I' m perfectl y determine d t o teac h school nex t yea r and Mam a won't have m e do it and says it'll break my healt h and Pap a i s a fraud an d say s I couldn't teac h and ther e isn' t any vacancy an d I couldn't g o t o partie s an d rehearsal s an d hav e compan y al l the time " (May 27, 1883) ; in Maud, 204 . 68. See , fo r example , letter s fro m Ell a Reev e Bloo r t o Hele n Ware , Au gust 7 , 1911 , an d Augus t 9 , 1911 . Th e quotatio n i s fro m a lette r date d February 17 , 1912 , al l i n Serie s IV , Bo x 8 , Folde r 36 , Ell a Reev e Bloo r Papers, Sophi a Smit h Collection , Smit h College . Se e als o he r comment s o n Mother's Day , 1926 : "I need yo u more as I grow older—and it' s quite natura l that yo u shoul d nee d m e les s wit h s o man y aroun d yo u t o lov e yo u an d s o many dea r interest s t o wor k for—Jus t a littl e wor d fro m yo u help s a lot" ; Box 8 , Folde r 37, ibid . 69. Se e correspondenc e fro m Ell a Reev e Bloo r t o Hele n Ware , Mother' s Day, 1926 , Serie s IV , Bo x 8 , Folde r 37 , an d othe r letter s i n Folder s 38 , 39 , and 40 , especiall y one , n.d. , 1935 , Folde r 39 , an d one , n.d. , 1936 , i n Folde r 40, ibid .

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70. Anit a Clai r Fellman , "Laur a Ingall s Wilde r an d Ros e Wilde r Lane : The Politic s of a Mother-Daughter Relationship, " Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 15 , 3 (1990): 535-61. 71. See , fo r example , th e cas e o f Anni e Winso r Allen , wh o wa s patien t and sympathetic with the whims of a demanding and irascible mother, while her siste r Jane ha d grea t difficult y wit h her . Ann e Ben t War e Winso r t o Annie Winso r Allen , Ma y 23, 1892 , and October 30 , 1892 , Series III , Bo x 24, Folde r 383; and Octobe r 3, 1893 , Series III , Bo x 24 , Folde r 384, Allen Papers. 72. Th e paucit y o f evidenc e regardin g conflic t betwee n lat e nineteent h and early twentieth-century mother s and adult daughters may reflect a perception that such disputes should not be discussed. The findings of a contemporary oral history project suggest that it is not unusual for adult women to regard famil y conflic t o f thi s sor t a s a privat e matter ; se e Corinn e Aze n Krause, Grandmothers, Mothers, and Daughters: Oral Histories of Three Generations of Ethnic American Women (Boston, 1991). 73. I n thi s context, i t is especially interestin g t o not e tha t Mrs . Bulkle y had neve r discusse d anythin g "excep t ver y externa l experiences " with he r children and had seldom found time to read to them; see Mary Ezit Bulkley, "Grandmother, Mothe r an d Me, " mimeographed manuscript , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliffe College , 112-14 , 27. 74. Mar y Pierce Poo r to Agnes Blak e Poor, Novembe r 5 , 1883 , Box 13 , Folder 196 , Poo r Famil y Collection ; Elle n D . Hal e t o Emil y Perkin s Hale , November 20 , 1890 , Hal e Famil y Papers . Se e als o a lette r fro m Eugeni e Homer Emerson to Mary Elizabeth Homer, on the latter's eightieth birthday, March 24, 1898 , Series I, Box 1 , Folder 7, Emerson-Nichols Famil y Papers, and a lette r i n whic h Dorothe a Ma y Moor e acknowledge d he r mother' s birthday greetings: "Thank you so dear, for all your loving words—for pas t present an d future " (Ma y 15 , 1926) , Carto n 4 , Folde r 97 , Dorothe a Ma y Moore Papers. 75. Aff a Mine r Tuttle t o Mrs . D. W. Miner, Marc h 28 , 1904 , Section I , Box 18 , Folde r 7 ; Diar y of Elizabet h Mine r Garman , Sectio n III , Bo x 43 , Folder 2 , Garma n Papers ; Ma y 6, 1912 , Journal o f Elizabet h Eller y Dana , Box 5 , Volume 141 , Dana Family Papers. Like Affa Mine r Tuttle, Eugeni e Homer Emerson wrote on her own birthday to tell her mother that she was thinking abou t her , an d tha t she fel t tha t her mothe r wa s thinking of her ; April 27, 1898 , Series I, Box 1, Folder 7, Emerson-Nichols Family Papers. 76. Pete r Uhlenberg, "Death and the Family," Journal of Family History 5 , 3 (Fall 1980) : 313-20; and "Cohort Variations in Family Life Cycle Experiences of United States Females, "Journal of Marriage and the Family 36, 2 (May 1974): 284-92. 77. Se e evidence regarding the relationship between the existence of oldage pensions and the maintenance of harmonious relations between workingclass adults and elderly parents, in Michael Young and Peter Willmott, Family and Kinship in East London (Baltimore, 1962) , 192—93.

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78. Danie l Scot t Smith , "Lif e Course , Norms , an d th e Famil y Syste m o f Older Americans i n 1900, " Journal ofFamily History 4, 3 (Fall 1979) : 285-98 . 79. Whil e th e mothe r o f Anni e Winso r Alle n appear s to have been financially independent, sh e definitel y mad e increase d emotiona l demand s o n he r children afte r he r husband' s death . See , fo r example , Ann e Ben t War e Winsor to Annie Winso r Allen , Marc h 1 and Marc h 22 , 1890 , Series III , Bo x 23, Folde r 381 ; Februar y 24 , 1893 , Serie s III , Bo x 24 , Folde r 384 ; January 28, 1895 , Serie s III , Bo x 24 , Folde r 386 ; an d Februar y 28 , 1896 , Serie s III , Box 24 , Folde r 387 , Alle n Papers . 80. Car l N . Degler , At Odds; Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the Present (Ne w York , 1980) , 106-7 . Se e als o Marily n Ferri s Motz's emphasi s o n th e endurin g tie s betwee n mother s an d adul t daughter s in True Sisterhood. 81. Youn g an d Willmott , Family and Kinship in East London, and Pete r N . Stearns, "Ol d Women : Som e Historica l Observations, " Journal of Family History 5 , 1 (Sprin g 1980) , 44—57 . Bu t Stearn s als o note s th e strengt h o f th e connections betwee n elderly , middle-clas s women an d their daughters. 82. Youn g an d Willmott , Family and Kinship in East London, 190—96. 83. Marc h 24 , 1913 , Box 1 , Folder 3 , Elizabeth Milla r Wilson Papers .

7. "The Revolt of the Daughters" 1. Severa l effort s t o develop comparativ e perspective s o n feminis m an d suffrage represen t interestin g exception s t o thi s generalization . See , fo r ex ample, Olive Banks , Faces of Feminism: A Study of Feminism as a Social Movement (New York , 1981) ; Davi d Bouchier , The Feminist Challenge: The Movement for Women's Liberation in Britain and the United States (London, 1983) ; Richar d J. Evans, The Feminists: Women's Emancipation Movements in Europe, America and Australasia, 1840-1920 (London , 1977) ; Willia m O'Neill , The Woman Movement: Feminism in the United States and England (London , 1969) ; an d Ros s Evans Paulson , Women's Suffrage and Prohibition: A Comparative Study of Equality and Social Control (Glenview, 111. , 1973). For genera l discussion s o f comparativ e approache s t o history, se e Georg e M. Fredrickson , "Comparativ e History, " i n Michae l Kammen , ed. , The Past Before Us: Contemporary Historical Writing in the United States (Ithaca, N.Y. , 1980), 457—73 , an d Raymon d Grew , "Th e Cas e fo r Comparin g Histories, " American Historical Review 85 , 4 (Octobe r 1980) : 763-78 . Se e als o th e ex amples o f comparativ e histor y i n thi s issu e o f th e American Historical Review and i n the subsequent issue , 85 , 5 (December 1980) . 2. Patrici a Branca , Silent Sisterhood: Middle-Class Women in the Victorian Home (London, 1975) , 38—48, 53—57. Branca's findings indicat e tha t approx imately three-quarter s o f th e late-Victoria n middl e clas s ha d income s wel l below th e leve l o f thre e hundre d pound s o r mor e tha t woul d hav e enable d them t o retain two or three servants .

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3. Jan e Lewis , Women in England, 1870—1950: Sexual Divisions and Social Change (Bloomington, Ind. , 1984) , 81, 114 . 4. Lik e th e compositio n o f th e Englis h middl e class , th e natur e o f th e available source s define s anothe r issu e o f comparability . I n term s o f bot h quantity and accessibility , the data pertaining to the experiences o f America n mothers an d daughter s ar e mor e extensive . Obviousl y thi s situatio n reflect s in par t th e large r America n population , bu t i t als o reflect s th e genera l stat e of women' s archive s i n th e tw o countries . Fo r example , th e Schlesinge r Library alon e maintain s ove r fou r hundre d manuscrip t collection s devote d to women' s history , man y o f whic h documen t famil y lif e extensively , an d other libraries also contain larg e collections of similar materials, fo r example , the Sophi a Smit h Collectio n a t Smit h College . Th e primar y resourc e fo r women's histor y i n England , th e Fawcet t Library , contain s mor e publishe d than archiva l sources . Muc h of th e materia l i n th e Fawcet t collection empha sizes women' s publi c lives , suc h a s their activitie s i n th e suffrag e movement , rather tha n thei r famil y experiences . Althoug h othe r materials , colleg e ar chives an d loca l histor y collection s als o exist , the y ar e no t alway s full y in dexed an d readil y accessibl e t o th e researcher . A s a result, thi s comparativ e chapter relie s mor e on publishe d biographica l an d autobiographical materia l than chapter s 4 , 5 , an d 6 . A s note d i n th e Preface , thes e source s ca n b e les s dependable tha n othe r type s o f documents , whic h suggest s a n additiona l issue that should b e acknowledged . 5. Mari a G. Grey , "Th e Women's Educationa l Movement, " in Theodor e Stanton, ed., The Woman Question in Europe (New York , 1884) , 31. 6. Davi d Rubinstein , Before the Suffragettes: Women's Emancipation in the 1890s (Brighton , England , 1986) , 186 ; Joan N . Burstyn , Victorian Education and the Ideal of Womanhood (London, 1980) , 26 . 7. B . R . Mitchell , British Historical Statistics (Cambridge, England , 1988) , 775, 811 ; B. R . Mitchell , European Historical Statistics, 1750—1975, 2 d rev . ed . (New York , 1980) , 62 ; Barbar a Mille r Solomon , In the Company of Educated Women (New Haven , 1985) , 64. One estimat e suggest s tha t i n 1914 , Englis h an d Wels h institution s othe r than Oxfor d an d Cambridg e (wher e women wer e no t ye t permitted t o stud y as degre e candidates ) enrolle d 2,90 0 female s ou t o f 11,00 0 full-tim e stu dents; se e Rit a McWilliam s Tullberg , "Wome n an d Degree s a t Cambridg e University, 1862-1897, " in Marth a Vicinus, ed., A Widening Sphere: Changing Roles of Victorian Women (Bloomington, Ind. , 1977) , 293, note 1 . The additio n of th e figures fo r Oxfor d an d Cambridg e woul d obviousl y rais e th e total s slightly, bu t no t significantly ; fo r example , figures fro m anothe r sourc e sug gest that 437 femal e student s were attending th e women's colleges a t Oxfor d and Cambridg e i n 1897 ; se e Marth a Vicinus , Independent Women: Work and Community for Single Women, 1850—1920 (Chicago, 1985) , 127 . 8. Vicinus , Independent Women, 123, 139-40 . 9. Alic e M. Gordon, "The After-Careers o f University-Educate d Women, " Nineteenth Century 37 (1895) : 958; 960. Se e als o Carol Dyhouse , Girls Growing

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1 0 3 43. Decembe r 12 , 1914 , and January 2 , 1916 , ibid., 130 , 304. 44. Novembe r 29 , 1913 , ibid., 46 . 45. Apri l 24 , 1913 , ibid., 3 4 - 3 5 . 46. Helen a Deneke , Grace Hadow (London , 1946) , 20 , quoted i n Vicinus , Independent Women, 173. 47. Octavi a Wilberforce , "Th e Eight h Child, " unpublishe d autobiogra phy, I , 90, Fawcet t Library , Cit y of Londo n Polytechnic , London . 48. Ibid. , I , 89, 122 . 49. Ibid. , I , 139 , 167 . 50. Ibid. , I , 191 ; II, 219 . 51. M . V. Hughes , A London Child of the i8yos (Oxford , 197 7 [1934]) , 44. 52. Moll y Hughe s describe d th e momen t whe n sh e showe d he r firs t lov e letter t o he r mothe r a s follows : "On e o f m y mos t pleasin g memorie s f s th e look o n he r fac e whe n I hande d he r m y first love-letter , wit h th e words , 'Would yo u lik e t o rea d it , mother? ' 'D o yo u reall y mea n it? ' sh e sai d i n astonishment. Sh e mus t hav e know n ho w muc h i t cost me to do this , and sh e took i t a s thoug h i t was a sacrament sh e wa s receiving . S o i t was—a kin d o f benison o n al l th e restraint , absenc e o f persuasio n o r interference , absenc e of al l inquisitiveness , tha t sh e ha d maintaine d toward s he r onl y daughter. " M. V . Hughes , A London Girl of the 1880s (Oxford , 197 8 [1946]), 161 . 53. M . V. Hughes , A London Home in the 1890s (Oxford , 197 8 [1946]) , 2 . 54. Hughes , A London Girl in the 1880s, 240 . 55. Hughes , A London Home in the 1890s, 138 .

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56. Hele n note d tha t her mother "had little use fo r books , and durin g m y school-days believe d I should slee p better if I read less—whic h wa s probabl y true"; Hele n Corke , In Our Infancy: An Autobiography. Part I: 1882-1912 (Cambridge, England , 1975) , 139 . 57. Ibid. , 96. 58. Ibid. , 88. 59. Ibid. , 97 . 60. Ibid. , 139 . 61. Ibid. , 131 , 139 . 62. Ibid. , 148-55 , 168 . 63. Lilia n M . Faithfull , In the House of My Pilgrimage (London , 1924) , 30. 64. Ibid. , 24 . 65. Ibid. , 17-18 . 66. Retrospect & Prospect, 33-34 , 41-42 . 67. Ibid. , 23-24 , 43-47 . 68. Evely n Sharp , Hertha Ayrton, 1854-1923: A Memoir (London , 1926) , 4-11. 69. Ibid. , 4, 2 0 - 2 2 , 134 , 113 . 70. Ibid. , 125 , 154 , 198 , 204 , 216 . Th e biographer' s acknowledge d friendship an d admiratio n fo r he r subjec t almos t certainl y accoun t fo r he r choice of thi s adjective t o characterize th e mother-daughte r relationship , bu t apparently th e relationship was a very compatible one . 71. Ibid. , 198 . 72. See , fo r example , he r enthusiasti c comment s abou t th e crusad e fo r suffrage i n letter s date d July 1 5 and 16 , 1910 . Sh e wrote : "Deares t Mother . . . . I a m awfull y gla d th e bil l passe d wit h suc h a goo d majority" ; Bo x 395 , Elsie Bowerma n Papers , Fawcet t Library , Cit y o f Londo n Polytechnic , Lon don. Se e als o letters fro m Dorothe a Taylo r t o her mother , wh o wa s arreste d and jailed fo r he r activities , fo r example , Marc h 3 , 1912 : "Deares t Mother , We ar e al l s o very prou d o f yo u . . . I do hop e yo u wil l b e treate d well, " and April 11 , 1912 : "W e ar e alway s thinkin g abou t yo u & I kno w yo u ar e abou t us"; both on microfiche , Autograp h Collection , 26B , Fawcet t Library . 73. Novembe r 1 7 an d 20 , 1910 , Bo x 395 , Bowerma n Papers . I n th e November 2 0 letter, sh e also described i n considerable detai l he r own partic ipation in a hockey matc h at Girton. For other example s of the mor e conven tional matter s Elsi e discusse d wit h he r mother , se e he r letter s o f Augus t 21 , October 13 , 16 , 20 , and 30 , and Novembe r 6 , 1910 , als o in Bo x 395 , Bower man Papers . 74. Jul y 5 , 1916 . Se e letter s date d Jul y 17 , Septembe r 30 , Octobe r 24 , and Novembe r 27 , 1916 , Bo x 396 , Bowerman Papers . 75. Mari e Corbet t t o he r daughter , Octobe r 18 , 1901 , Bo x 474 , Dam e Margery Iren e Corbet t Ashb y Papers , Fawcet t Librar y Archives , Cit y o f London Polytechnic , London . 76. Mari e Corbet t t o her daughter , June 6 , 1910 , Bo x 475 , Folde r A 25 , Ashby Papers .

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77. See , fo r example , letter s date d Octobe r 5 , 10 , an d 15 , an d 19 , 1901 ; February 15 , 1902 ; and severa l letter s written in January and Februar y 1904 ; Box 474 , Ashby Papers . 78. Marger y Corbet t Ashb y t o Mari e Corbett, Novembe r 13 , 1903 , Folde r 21, Bo x 474 , Ashby Papers . 79. Marger y Corbet t Ashb y t o Mari e Corbett , Apri l 26 , 1923 , Bo x 477 , Folder A 32 , Ashby Papers . 80. Mari e Corbet t t o Marger y Corbet t Ashby , Ma y 27 , 1910 , Bo x 475 , Folder A 25 , Ashb y Papers . Similarly , n o evidenc e o f conflic t appear s i n Kathleen Courtney' s frequen t an d length y correspondenc e wit h her mother . Although th e ton e o f he r letter s i s less intens e tha n thos e o f Elsi e Bowerma n and Marger y Corbet t Ashby , thei r contents sugges t tha t she too enjoyed he r mother's approva l an d suppor t whil e sh e wa s i n college , an d late r a s well . See, fo r example , he r letter s fro m a school i n Dresde n i n 1896 , Bo x 454 , A 2, an d Bo x 474 , A-2 ; fro m Oxfor d i n 1897 , Bo x 454 , A-3 , and Bo x 474 , A 3; an d fro m Europe , wher e sh e di d relie f wor k afte r Worl d Wa r I , Bo x 454 , C-2; Dam e Kathlee n D'Olie r Courtne y Papers , Fawcet t Librar y Archives , City o f Londo n Polytechnic , London . O n on e occasion , Kathlee n fel t com pelled t o apologiz e fo r th e lengt h o f a twenty-four-pag e letter : " I a m afrai d you wil l b e rathe r horrifie d o n receivin g it , bu t ther e i s really a good dea l t o say" (February 14 , 1897) ; Box 454 , A-3. 81. Rut h Ashmore , " A Girl' s Bes t Friend, " Ladies Home Journal 8 (Ma y 1881): 12 . 82. Car l N . Degler , At Odds: Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the Present (Ne w York , 1980) , 180 ; J. E . Goldthorpe, Family Life in Western Societies: A Historical Sociology of Family Relationships in Britain and North America (New York , 1987) , 38. 83. Burstall , Retrospect and Prospect, 114 . Another contemporar y observe r commented i n 188 9 tha t "th e provisio n fo r women' s education i n th e Unite d States i s ample r an d bette r tha n tha t mad e i n an y Europea n countries" ; James Bryce , The American Commonwealth, vol. 2 (Londo n an d Ne w York , 2 889), 589-90 , quote d i n Ernest Earnest , The American Eve in Fact and Fiction, 1775-1914 (Urbana , III. , 1974) , 236 . 84. Rubinstein , Before the Suffragettes, 185 ; Dyhouse , Girls Growing Up, 3 , 40, 55-57 ; Burstyn , Victorian Education and the Ideal of Womanhood, 22-24 ; Sara Delamont, "Th e Contradictions i n Ladies' Education," in Sara Delamon t and Lorn a Duffin , eds. , The Nineteenth-Century Woman: Her Cultural and Physical World (Ne w York , 1978) , 134—63 ; and Winifre d Peck , A Little Learning or a Victorian Childhood (London, 1952) , 104 , 127-28 . 85. Earnest , The American Eve in Fact and Fiction, 84 , 47 ; Richar d L . Rapson, "Th e America n Chil d a s See n b y Britis h Travelers, " i n Michae l Gordon, ed. , The American Family in Social-Historical Perspective (New York , 1973), 192-208 . Wit h regar d t o criticis m o f th e freedo m grante d t o Ameri can girls , se e als o th e observation s o f Alic e Corkran , edito r o f th e popula r periodical, GirVs Realm, tha t "a frivolous America n i s perhaps one of th e mos t

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frivolous being s i n th e world," in "On Being Engaged, " Girl's Realm 1 (189899): 954 , quoted i n Macka y and Thane, "Th e Englishwoman, " 202 . 86. A . M . Low , America at Home (London, 1905) , 74 , quote d i n Rapson , "The American Child, " 201-2. 87. "Englis h an d America n Girlhood, " Harper's Weekly 54 (Octobe r 22 , 1910): 8-9 . 88. Dyhouse , "Mother s an d Daughter s i n th e Middle-Clas s Home. " Se e also Leonor e Davidoff , The Best Circles: Society Etiquette and the Season (London, 1973) . I n he r memoir s o f middle-clas s lif e durin g thi s period , Ursul a Bloom observed : "Th e whol e o f Englan d remorselessl y followe d a compla cent patter n o f livin g i n a niche above thei r own, fo r th e desire o f ever y hea d of th e family , o f hi s stoutenin g wif e an d hi s growin g family , wa s t o b e th e someone wh o wa s spoke n o f a s bein g ' a littl e better*" ; Sixty Years of Home (London, i960) , 13 . 89. Leonor e Davidof f an d Catherin e Hall , Family Fortunes: Men and Women of the English Middle Class, 1780-1850 (Chicago , 1987) . Also see Davidoff , The Best Circles. 90. Katherin e Chorley , Manchester Made Them (London, 1950) , 156 . 91. Davidof f an d Hall , Family Fortunes, 385 . 92. Fo r example , durin g th e first cours e a t dinner , a lad y spok e t o th e man wh o ha d escorte d he r to the dining room ; when th e fish cours e arrived , she turne d t o th e ma n o n he r left , an d thi s patter n continue d throughou t the meal . Afte r dessert , ladie s lef t th e dinin g roo m i n th e orde r o f seniority , with marrie d wome n first. Bloom , Sixty Years of Home, 109 . Th e rule s fo r calling wer e equall y specific . Callin g card s o f th e correc t siz e ha d t o b e properly printed ; th e righ t corner wa s turned dow n i f th e cal l wa s personal , but i f a servan t too k th e card , n o corne r wa s turne d down . A lad y lef t on e card, bu t he r husban d lef t two—on e fo r hi s wif e an d a smalle r on e fo r himself. Chorley' , Manchester Made Them, 152-53. 93. Th e dril l an d disciplin e t o whic h sh e referre d include d attentio n t o the necessit y fo r prope r attir e a s wel l a s a firm gras p o f th e intricacie s regarding whom on e migh t appropriately visi t and receive , and when ; Chor ley, Manchester Made Them, 152-53, and Bloom , Sixty Years of Home, 109-10 . 94. Chorley , Manchester Made Them, 263. 95. Bloom , Sixty Years of Home, 50-51 . 96. Bloom , Sixty Years of Home, 96-97 ; Chorley , Manchester Made Them, 101; Eleano r Acland , Good-bye for the Present: The Story of Two Childhoods. Milly, 1878-88, & Ellen, 1913-24 (Ne w York , 1935) , 146—47 . A s a resul t o f this practice , on e o f Eleano r Acland' s sibling s wa s accidentall y lef t i n th e lavatory fro m teatim e unti l bedtime . 97. Bloom , Sixty Years of Home, 116 ; Brittain , Chronicle of Youth, March 4 , 1913, 30-31 . Se e als o Corke, In Our Infancy, 93 . 98. Fo r example , the y discusse d a youn g woma n wh o ha d disappeare d and bee n disowne d b y he r parents , an d a ma n wh o ha d falle n i n lov e wit h someone durin g th e wa r an d neve r returne d t o hi s family . Katherin e wa s

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embarrassed b y thes e conversations , an d he r mothe r wa s eve n mor e embar rassed. Chorley , Manchester Made Them, 269-70. 99. Ibid. , 102 . 100. Ibid. , 246 , 160 , 252-53 . 101. I t i s interestin g tha t Katherin e onl y recognize d he r mother' s strengt h after he r father' s death ; ibid. , 110-11 . 102. Bloom , Sixty Years of Home, 116-17 . Thi s mandat e recall s Margare t Nevinson's observation s abou t he r mother' s legac y o f advic e o n th e subjec t of hirin g maids . See above, p . 144 . 103. M . Jeanne Peterson , Family, Love, and Work in the Lives of Victorian Gentlewomen (Bloomington, Ind. , 1989) , 104 ; Dyhouse, "Mother s and Daugh ters in the Middle-Clas s Home, " 29—30; Davidoff, The Best Circles, 53 . 104. Pau l Thompson, The Edwardians: The Remaking of British Society (London, 1977) , 62; Thea Thompson , Edwardian Childhoods (London, 1981) , 169 70. Thi s distanc e betwee n parent s an d childre n wa s als o typica l o f upper class families . See , fo r example , th e experience s o f Joan Poynder , i n The a Thompson, Edwardian Childhoods, 216, 219 , 223-34 , 226 , 228-29 , an d Lad y Violet Brandon , i n Pau l Thompson, The Edwardians, 98. 105. The a Thompson , Edwardian Childhoods, 180 , 174 . 106. I n thi s case, however , th e line s o f mother-daughte r communicatio n remained open ; Grac e foun d he r mothe r eas y t o tal k to , an d sh e fel t com fortable discussin g her worries about th e opposite sex with her. Paul Thomp son, The Edwardians, 103—5 . 107. Acland , Good-bye for the Present, 68 , 27 , 118 , 25 , 150 , 196 . A s a n adult, Eleano r Aclan d remembere d he r mothe r a s a source o f pur e lov e fo r her children , an d sh e too k grea t pleasur e i n observin g he r behavio r a s a grandmother; se e pp . 86—87. 108. Chorley , Manchester Made Them, 38-39. 109. Peck , A Little Learning, 31 . 110. Fo r lower-middl e clas s mothers , economi c securit y wa s clearly mor e important tha n social prescriptions , an d thu s they understood an d supporte d daughters' aspirations , fo r example , thei r effort s t o see k teachin g jobs; se e Frances Widdowson, " 'Educating Teacher' : Wome n an d Elementar y Teach ing i n London , 1900—1914, " i n Leonor e Davidof f an d Belind a Westover , eds., Our Work, Our Lives, Our Words: Women's History Csf Women's Work (London, 1986) , 99-123 . 111. Bouchier , The Feminist Challenge, 13 ; Branca, Silent Sisterhood, 10—11 . 112. Gwe n Rav e rat, Period Piece: A Cambridge Childhood (London , 1952) , 40,48,51. 113. Sh e als o objecte d t o th e custo m o f mother s chaperonin g girl s a t parties. " I hop e tha t whe n Gwe n grow s u p ther e wil l b e a revolution i n thi s respect, an d I hop e tha t sh e wil l hel p t o brin g i t around, " sh e wrot e o n another occasion ; ibid., 99—100. 114. Ibid. , 76 . 115. Ibid. , 100 .

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116. Ibid. , 276-77 . 117. Ibid. , 154 . A s Leonor e Davidof f ha s pointe d out , intellectual s func tioned mor e a s a n alternativ e societ y tha n a s participant s i n conventiona l middle-class society , an d th e Darwi n famil y offer s a n exampl e o f thi s phe nomenon; The Best Circles, 77 . 118. Raverat , Period Piece, 129. 119. Ibid. , 104 . Ursul a Bloo m als o commente d o n th e hypocris y o f a society i n which everythin g was "socially catalogued"; Sixty Years of Home, 13. 120. Davidoff , The Best Circles. 121. Fo r additional examples , se e th e feeling s expresse d b y Mrs . C. Hut ton Beale , wh o feare d tha t sh e woul d neve r recove r fro m th e los s o f he r mother, an d Rebecc a Soll y Shaen , wh o experience d he r mother' s deat h a s " 'a ver y bitte r grie f " because "wit h ever y feelin g gratifie d a s a Wif e an d Mother, I hav e fel t mos t keenl y tha t I was also a daughter"; Mrs . C. Hutto n Beale, Reminiscences of a Gentlewoman of the Last Century (Birmingham , En gland, 1891) , 116 , and Rebecc a Soll y Shaen , unpublishe d commonplac e book , John Johnso n Collection , Bodleia n Library , Oxfor d University , 266 , bot h quoted i n Davidoff, The Best Circles, 341 . For a discussion of mother-daughte r relationships a s reveale d i n women' s persona l diarie s fro m th e lat e sixteent h century t o th e twentiet h century , se e Harrie t Blodgett , Centuries of Female Days: Englishwomen's Private Diaries (New Brunswick , N.J. , 1988) , particularl y 223-31. 122. Virgini a Woolf , A Room of One's Own (New York , 1929 , 1957) , 4. See , for example , th e experience s o f Helen a Swanwick , Lynd a Grier , an d Win ifred Peck , above, pp . 142—43 , and Peck , A Little Learning, 156 . 123. Oliv e Banks , Becoming a Feminist: The Social Origins of "First Wave" Feminism (Brighton, England , 1986) , 25-31 , 33 , 144 . 124. Se e discussion s of th e experience s o f Merc y Oti s Warre n i n Earnest , The American Eve in Fact and Fiction, 13—15 , an d Jan e Addams , Sara h an d Angelina Grimke , Catharin e Beecher , an d Emil y Dickinso n i n Mabe l Collin s Donnelly, The American Victorian Woman: The Myth and the Reality (Ne w York , 1986), 21-35 . 125. See , fo r example , th e case s o f Mar y France s Bus s o f th e Nort h London Collegiat e School , wh o encourage d he r mos t capabl e student s t o enroll a t Girton , loane d the m money , an d helpe d the m t o prepar e fo r th e scholarship examination ; Clar e Arnold , wh o intervene d o n behal f o f he r student, Grac e Hadow , t o hel p he r ge t permissio n t o continu e he r studies ; and th e comment s o f Emil y Davie s regardin g th e pleasure s o f colleg e lif e a s compared wit h th e live s o f youn g wome n a t home ; i n Vicinus , Independent Women, 140, 173 , 128 . 126. Ibid. , 138 . 127. Se e Caro l Dyhouse' s interpretatio n o f th e relationshi p betwee n fem inism an d th e famil y betwee n 188 0 an d 1939 , especiall y he r observation : "Indeed i t was precisely their dissatisfaction wit h th e famil y tha t fuelled thei r feminism"; Feminism and the Family in England, 3 . A s th e Englis h suffrag e

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campaign becam e increasingl y militan t i n th e earl y year s o f th e twentiet h century, i t served a s a model fo r America n suffragist s wh o closely monitore d the progres s o f thei r counterpart s acros s th e Atlantic ; Sar a M . Evans , Born for Liberty: A History of Women in America (New York , 1989) , 165 .

8. "Mother Drove Us in the Studebaker" 1. Pete r G . Filene , Him/Her/Self: Sex Roles in Modern America, 2 d ed . (Baltimore, 1986) , 115—35 ; Ja n e Sherro n D e Hart , "The Ne w Feminis m an d the Dynamic s o f Socia l Change, " i n Lind a K . Kerbe r an d Jane Sherro n D e Hart, eds. , Women's America: Refocusing the Past, 3 d ed . (Ne w York , 1991) , 493-521. 2. Paul a S. Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful: American Youth in the 1920s (New York , 1977) , 13—52 . The definitio n o f "youn g people " is from Georg e A. Coe , What Ails Our Youth? (1924), quoted i n ibid., 13 . 3. Nanc y F . Cott, The Grounding of Modern Feminism (Ne w Haven , 1987) , 1494. Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful. 5. Rober t S . Lyn d an d Hele n Merrel l Lynd , Middletown: A Study in Contemporary American Culture (New York , 1929) , 135 . 6. Ibid. , 133 . 7. Ibid. , Appendix , Tabl e 13 : Source s o f Disagreemen t betwee n 34 8 Boys and 38 2 Girl s and Thei r Parents , 522 . 8. Ibid. , 143 . 9. Ibid. , Appendix , Tabl e 14 : Traits t o Be Stresse d i n Rearin g Childre n as Rate d b y Housewive s fo r Themselve s i n 192 4 an d fo r Thei r Mother s i n the Nineties , 523 . 10. Ibid. , 136 . 11. Ibid. , Table 14 , 523; also 162-63 . 12. Ibid. , Table 13 , 522. Se e als o John Modell , Into One's Own: From Youth to Adulthood in the United States, 1920—1975 (Berkeley , 1989) , fo r additiona l discussion o f th e newly sophisticate d hig h schoo l social life o f thi s period . 13. Se e letter s fro m Jessi e Tarbo x Beal s t o Nanett e Beals , Octobe r an d November 1926 , Carto n 1 , Folde r 8 , Jessie Tarbo x Beal s Collection , Schles inger Library , Radcliff e College . 14. On e contemporar y investigatio n determine d tha t while 80 percen t o f daughters surveye d approve d o f smoking , onl y 2 6 percen t o f thei r parent s agreed; Phylli s Blanchar d an d Caroly n Manasses , New Girls for Old (Ne w York, 1930) , quoted i n Doroth y M . Brown , Setting A Course: American Women in the 1920s (Boston , 1987) , 142 . 15. Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful, 92-94 ; Elain e Tyle r May , Great Expectations: Marriage & Divorce in Post-Victorian America (Chicago , 1980) , 89 ; Brown, Setting A Course, 102-3, 1 1216. Lucill e Palme r Cavende r t o he r mothe r an d father , Decembe r 29 ,

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1921, Box 4, Folde r 58, Elsie Miller Palmer Collection, Schlesinge r Library, Radcliffe College . 17. E . Gertrude Palme r Gaines to her parents, n.d. ; June 3 , 1927 ; n.d. , 1929 (between January and May); Box 5, Folders 74, 76, and 79, ibid. 18. Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful, 37 . 19. Jame s R . McGovern , "Th e America n Woman' s Pre-Worl d Wa r I Freedom in Manners and Morals"; May, Great Expectations, 63 . 20. Brown , Setting a Course, 31 . 21. Fo r example , a 192 3 surve y reveale d tha t i n th e freshman , sopho more, junior, and senior classes at Little Falls, Minnesota, High School, more than thre e girl s i n fou r ha d bobbe d hair . Whil e thi s figure coul d reflec t daughters' determined opposition t o maternal wishes, mothers' weary capitulation i n the fac e of overwhelmin g odds , or their recognition tha t this fad was les s dangerou s tha n othe r manifestation s o f th e contemporar y pee r culture, i t ma y als o illustrat e tha t adul t wome n actuall y foun d thi s ne w hairstyle attractive. See Modell, Into One's Own, 102 . 22. Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful, 365-66 ; Filene, Him/Her/Self, 122 32 3. Filene , Him/Her/Self, 132 . 24. New York Times, Apri l 6, 1930 ; Blanchard and Manasses, New Girls for Old, 174-75, quoted in Filene, Him/Her/Self, 128 . 25. Fass , The Damned and the Beautiful, 376 . 26. See , fo r example , Joh n B . Watson , Psychological Care of Infant and Child (New York, 1928). 27. Ther e i s a hint of thi s in Ethel Sturges Dummer' s dialogue wit h her daughter Frances on the subject of flirting.See chapter 4, pp. 85-86. 28. Rober t S. Lynd and Hele n Merrel l Lynd , Middletown in Transition; A Study in Cultural Conflicts (New York, 1937) , 168-71. 29. Se e Elain e Tyler May' s observations concernin g th e relevanc e o f individual divorce cases in the study of changing expectations and experiences of marriage : "Eac h uniqu e testimon y itsel f serve s a s a microscope throug h which it is possible to examine th e effects o f historica l change on individua l lives"; Great Expectations, 11 . 30. Th e quotation s ar e fro m letter s date d Jul y 23 , 1933 , an d Jun e 5 , 1928, Adel e Siege l Rosenfel d Papers , unprocesse d collection , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliffe College . The second letter is also dated as follows: (July ! 1928); the notation concerning the form of address appears in turquoise ink. See also a letter dated July 13 , 1930 , which illustrates the same casual tone. The condition s o f us e fo r thi s collection requir e tha t th e writers ' names be omitted. For contrasting examples, see chapters 4 and 5. 31. Th e not e could als o indicate tha t the writer ha d a troubled relation ship with her mother, but other evidence suggests that this was not the case. See below, pp. 190—91. 32. See , fo r example , thi s youn g woman' s comment s i n anothe r letter , January 16 , 1934 : "I've just finished speaking t o you, an d las t night fathe r

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was here , an d Sunda y Mario n wa s wit h m e al l afternoon . Nevertheles s yo u want a letter, and I' m willing to oblige." In Carton 1 , Rosenfeld Papers . 33. Jan e Emme t Drak e t o he r mothe r Hele n Prat t Emmet , n.d. , 1938 , Folder 1 , Bo x 5 , unprocesse d collection , Ala n Summersb y Emme t Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 34. Se e chapter 4, p . 75 . 35- J u ty 2 3» ^ S * Carto n 1 , Rosenfeld Papers . 36. See , fo r example , entrie s date d Februar y 7 , June 12 , July 7 , 1953 ; January 25 , August 12 , October 24 , 1954 ; an d June 9 , 1958 ; June Calende r Diaries, June Calende r Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 37. Februar y 11 , January 23 , an d Apri l 19 , 1945 , Adel e Monga n Fasic k Diary, Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 38. Marc h 4, 1945 , ibid . 39. Se e chapter 4, p . 83. 40. Decembe r 23 , 1940 , Heiene Harmo n Weis Diary, Schlesinger Library , Radcliffe College . Se e als o Helene's comments of Decembe r 28 , 1940 : "Mother felt calle d upo n t o giv e m e tal k abou t goin g of f wit h hi m alone . Goo d Hoot ! He didn' t fascinat e m e a s muc h a s h e di d her . Sh e i s nut s abou t him. " Th e resentment expresse d her e contrast s distinctl y wit h Mau d Rittenhouse' s ob vious pleasur e ove r he r mother' s interes t i n he r suitors . Se e chapte r 4 , pp. 8 2 - 8 3 . 41. Apri l 2 2 and Augus t 25 , 1941 , Heiene Harmo n Wei s Diary . 42. Marc h 29 , 1943 , ibid. 43. N.d . (Jun e o r July), 1943 , ibid. 44. Se e diar y entrie s o f July 2 , 1943 : "I love m y Mothe r s o much; i f onl y she didn' t thin k I wa s doin g thi s jus t t o ange r her" ; an d Jul y 19 , 1943 : "Mother too k i t rather badl y bu t w e wen t bac k to visit her on Frida y evenin g and sh e wa s just lovel y t o us"; in ibid . 45. Wit h regar d t o th e engagement , see , fo r example , a reference t o he r reliance o n th e support o f friends : "Than k heave n I have a friend lik e Keith , I hav e neede d hi m s o muc h a t times" ; Septembe r 15 , 1959 , June Calende r Diaries, Calender Papers . 46. Septembe r 7 and Novembe r 18 , 1941 ; August 3 , 1942 ; May 12 , 1942 ; and Septembe r 6 , 1940 ; Heien e Harmo n Wei s Diary . 47. See , fo r example , he r comment s abou t one suc h occasion: "Mo m an d I ar e a t hom e alone . W e ha d quit e a talk . I lov e t o tal k fo r a while lik e w e did. I t make s m e fee l rea l daughterish" ; Februar y 12 , 1953 , June Calende r Diaries, Calender Papers . 48. Octobe r 1 1 an d Februar y 27 , 1953 , an d January 25 , 1954 , ibid . Se e also a n entr y o n Jul y 7 , 1953 : "Mo m sai d t o m e tha t sh e though t wh o eve r that boy was I danced wit h las t night wa s the cutest one there. " 49. Jun e 12 , 1953 , ibid. 50. Ma y 30, 1945 , Adele Monga n Fasic k Diary . 51. Novembe r 2 , 1959 , Rut h Teischma n [pseudonym ] Diary , Schlesinge r

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Library, Radcliffe College . The original diary is closed until January 1 , 2043, but a copy with names removed is available for research. 52. Jan e E . Emme t t o Hele n Prat t Emmet , Ma y 23 , 1942 , an d June 8 , 1942, Box 4, Emmet Papers. 53. Jan e E . Emmet to Richard S. Emmet , Jr., n.d. , 1943 , and n.d. , 194 3 or 1944 , Box 4, ibid. 54. Decembe r 9, 1945 , and February 6, 1946 , ibid. 55. Januar y 20 , 1946 , ibid . Jane Emme t suffere d fro m diabetes , whic h created specia l problem s fo r he r a s an adolescent seekin g t o develop inde pendence. 56. August a Salik Dublin to Mary Dublin Keyserling, November 26, 1931, Carton 1 , Folde r 8 , Mar y Dubli n Keyserlin g Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College . Mrs . Dublin's problems exemplify th e frustratio n experi enced b y "postmaterna l women, " nonworking wome n wit h adul t children , whose plight was highlighted b y early twentieth-century discourse s that emphasized thei r loneliness, thei r "potential, " their superannuation , an d thei r economic helplessness and social uselessness—and thi s convinced the m that they were objects of pity. See Margaret Morganroth Guliette, "Inventing the Postmaternal Woma n (1898-1926) : Idle , Unwanted , an d Ou t o f a Job," unpublished manuscript. 57. Mrs . Dubli n continue d t o shar e he r problem s wit h he r daughte r through th e 1940s . Notin g tha t sh e spen t he r tim e gardening , mending , sewing, and knitting , she commented: "What a stupid lif e fo r a n intelligen t person!" She als o complaine d o f boredo m an d th e fac t tha t he r husban d remained "stubborn as you know, domineering as ever and completely inconsiderate o f me. " Se e letter s t o Mar y Dubli n Keyserling , Jun e 28 , 1944 ; August 8, 1949 ; and August 19 , 1949; Carton 1 , Folders 1 1 and 15 , Keyserling Papers. 58. August a Sali k Dubli n t o Mar y Dubli n Keyserling , Jun e 26 , 1932 , Carton 1 , Folder 8, ibid. It is interesting to note that in addition to serving as her mother' s confidant e an d mentor , Mar y manage d t o maintai n a clos e relationship wit h he r father ; se e letter s fro m Loui s Dubli n t o Mar y Dublin Keyserling, in Carton 1 , Folders 24, 25, 26, 27, and 28. Mrs. Dublin believed that Mar y wa s he r husband' s favorit e o f thei r fou r childre n althoug h sh e thought h e would neve r admit the fac t to himself; Augusta Sali k Dublin to Mary Dublin Keyserling, July 12 , 1932, in Carton 1 , Folder 8. 59. Paul a Fass cites evidence fro m severa l studies in support o f th e idea that fathers were becoming mor e involved i n child-rearing. Sh e argues that men's ne w interes t i n aspect s o f chil d car e indicate s tha t a new concep t o f parenthood wa s replacing th e previou s dichotom y betwee n th e rol e o f th e mother and that of the father; The Damned and the Beautiful, 86—87 . 60. Decembe r 2, 1945 , Adele Mongan Fasick Diary. 61. Ma y 14, 1953, June Calender Diaries, Calender Papers. 62. Marc h 8, 1943 , Helene Harmon Weis Diary.

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63. Jan e Emme t Drak e t o Hele n Prat t Emmet , n.d . (Fal l 1945) , Folde r 2 , Box 5 , Emme t Papers . Se e als o he r candi d observatio n t o he r brother : "T o be frank , I' m sur e I woul d fight lik e hel l i f I live d wit h M a anyway" ; n.d . (1943 or 1944) , to Richard S . Emmet , Jr., in Bo x 4. 64. J . H . Cosgrave , "Mother s and Daughters, " Good Housekeeping 81 (Sep tember 1925) : 3 4 - 3 5 ; (Octobe r 1925) : ^o-^w (Novembe r 1925) : 36-37 ; "Why I D o No t Confid e i n M y Mother, " Woman's Home Companion 53 (Jun e 1926): 34 ; F . Howitt , "D o You Kno w Everythin g i n Your Daughter' s Head? " Good Housekeeping 120 (Januar y 1945) : 28 ; M . Riddell , "Girl' s Bes t Friend, " Atlantic 19 6 (October 1955) : 99—100. 65. A . S . Duryea , "Revaluin g Motherhood : Mother s Wh o Devou r an d Mothers Wh o Develo p Thei r Children, " Century 10 9 (Apri l 1925) : 737-43 ; B. Barmby , "Smothe r Love, " Pictorial Review 2 9 (Augus t 1928) : 1 ; G. Wood cock, "Ar e Ou r Daughter s Overprotected? " Parents Magazine 1 0 (Octobe r 1935): 25 ; E. A. Whitman , "Twelv e Way s to Be a Friend t o Your Daughter, " Parents Magazine 1 9 (Jun e 1944) : 72 ; E . K . Morse , "Wanted : Mothers , No t Imitation Sisters, " Parents Magazine 2 3 (Septembe r 1948) : 161 ; D . Barclay , "How Girl s Judge Mother' s Role, " New York Times Magazine (Jun e 21 , 1953) : 32. 66. B . B. Creel, "Job or Joy Ride : I s It Harder Work to be a Mother Tha n a Daughter? " Century 11 5 (Novembe r 1927) : 41-46 ; W . O . Saunders , "M e and M y Flappe r Daughter, " American Magazine 10 4 (Augus t 1927) : 27 ; E . Boykin, "Shoul d Mother s B e Matchmakers? " Parents Magazine 1 1 (Augus t 1936): 20-21 ; C . Wheeler an d M . Nelson , eds., "What A Mother Should Tel l Her Daughter, " Parents Magazine 2 5 (March 1950) : 36-37 . 67. I . H . Irwin , "Insurin g You r Daughter' s Success, " Woman's Home Companion 6 3 (Decembe r 1936) : 22 ; I . S . Hunter , "Raisin g America n Beauties, " Ladies Home Journal 5 3 (Octobe r 1936) : 89 ; G . D . Schultz , "Mothe r Answer s a Morals SOS from he r Daughter," Better Homes and Gardens 22 (March 1944) : 15; M . L . Runbeck, "Suitcas e an d th e Key : Remember Whe n Yo u Wer e 16, " Woman's Home Companion 71 (Augus t 1944) : 29 ; M. Holmes , "Ar e You Help ing You r Daughte r t o b e Popular? " Better Homes and Gardens 27 (Februar y 1949): 80 ; "Ar e Yo u Trainin g You r Daughte r t o b e a Goo d Wife? " Better Homes and Gardens 27 (Apri l 1949) : 192-93 ; L . P . Benjamin , "I s Your Littl e Girl a Goo d Wife? " Ladies Home Journal 6 4 (Novembe r 1947) : 34-35 ; D . Francis, "Unpopula r Daughter, " Good Housekeeping 129 (Novembe r 1949) : 43; "Ho w t o Bring U p a Beauty," Good Housekeeping 14 6 (May 1958) : 56. 68. "Whe n Shoul d Sh e Star t Dating, " Woman's Home Companion 74 (No vember 1947) : 7 - 8 . 69. See , fo r example , entrie s fo r January 13 , February 10 , and Marc h 14 , 1923; Marc h 3 and Ma y 16 , 1924 ; Bab y Book , Bo x 1 , Helen e Harmo n Wei s Papers. On e clippin g consiste d o f a picture o f a smiling baby and th e follow ing brief homil y tha t ma y hav e characterized he r own identifiabl y traditiona l feelings abou t bein g a mother : "Happ y Motherhoo d i s founde d o n Righ t

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Living, Right Thinking, Right Loving.... Righ t Loving means the belief that parenthood i s a divine gif t an d tha t little childre n ar e th e crownin g joy o f living." After Helene's second birthday, regular entries became less frequent, and the y ended wit h a full descriptio n o f he r third birthday. However , he r mother continued to save various mementoes and clippings. 70. Octobe r 31 , 1935 , Bo x 1 , Rut h Slocu m Tilghma n Smit h Robinso n Diaries, Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . Sh e particularl y enjoye d dressing Anne up and watching her play with her dolls; Introduction, January 11, 15, 19, and May 12, 1935. At this time, Ruth Robinson's husband was the hea d o f a boys ' schoo l i n Morristown , Ne w Jersey . Thu s the y wer e surrounded b y boys in addition t o their own sons. Probably the birth of her two daughters seemed even more of a novelty in this context. 71. Februar y 14 , 1944, and Introduction, 1944 , ibid. 72. Apri l 3 , 1935 ; Introduction; and September 4, 1944 ; all in ibid. She seems to have been mor e concerned abou t raising unselfish daughter s than unselfish sons, although she had twice as many of the latter to deal with. 73. Februar y 20 and August 4, 1944 , and June 8, 1954 , Box 1 , ibid. It is interesting that where Anne's active social life wa s concerned, i t was not the impropriety o f preteen s socializin g nightl y tha t distresse d he r mother , bu t the fac t tha t thes e activitie s migh t threate n he r health : "It s [sic] staying u p late I object to—I mus t keep her strong and well and sleep is so important," she explained; see August 4, 1944. 74. Thes e comments are contained in a note, apparently to herself, dated January 18 , n.d. (probably 1954) , ibid. 75. Fo r the birthday poems, see the diary entry for November 19 , 1944. For expressions of her daughters' feelings, see several undated letters written in 195 4 by Anne and Sally to their mother. For examples of Ruth Robinson's feelings abou t he r daughters , se e diar y entrie s Januar y 16 , Februar y 2 , March 3 and 18 , May 5, 1954, all in Box 1 ; and December 8, 1964 , February 4 and March 3, 1972, in Box 2, ibid. 76. Septembe r 7 an d Septembe r 12 , 1959 , Teischma n Diary . Rut h ex pressed a similar sentiment on another occasion when she wrote: "I think life is great and I never want to die—except with my mother"; October 25, 1959. 77. Septembe r 6, December 1 , and October 23, 1959, ibid. 78. See , fo r example , he r comments afte r sh e argue d wit h he r mothe r about drinking a glass of milk : "We had a fight and I was very ma d at her. But no w I'v e forgive n he r an d we'r e friend s agai n . . . I know m y mothe r really does love me, and I love her!" (October 24, 1959), and her reaction when her mother joked abou t not really loving her: "She made me feel ver y bad. But then I told he r to say she didn't really mea n it and she said it . I felt s o much better!" (November 6, 1959) , both in Teischman Diary. 79. See , fo r example , th e strikin g resemblanc e betwee n Ruth' s anxiet y about the prospect of her mother's death and similar concerns expressed by Mary Anderson Boit over fifty years earlier, in chapter 4, p. 73.

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80. See , fo r example , th e letter s i n Bo x 1 , Folder s 6 , 7 , 8 , an d 9 ; Bo x 2 , Folders 10 , 11 , and 12 ; and Bo x 3 , Folder 20 , Minnie Florenc e Roo p Millett e Papers, Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 81. Fo r examples o f concer n abou t Nancy' s health , se e letter s dated Sep tember 9, Novembe r 4 an d 18 , 1929 , and Octobe r 5 , 1930 . See, fo r example , "Thanksgiving withou t yo u i s dreadful, " Novembe r 26 , 1928 , an d " I mis s you lik e the dickens," Box 1 , Folder 7 , ibid . 82. Minni e Millett e to Nancy Millett e Mosher , October 15 , 1929 , ibid. 83. Se e chapter 5 , p . 96 . 84. Minni e Millett e t o Nanc y Millett e Mosher , Ma y 16 , 1932 , Bo x 2 , Folder 10 , Millett e Papers . Se e als o anothe r lette r i n whic h Mrs . Millett e noted tha t the Depressio n ha d mad e parent s especially anxious to insure tha t their offsprin g woul d b e abl e t o ear n a living : "Thre e month s o n a pape r [newspaper] migh t sho w yo u whethe r yo u care d fo r tha t sor t o f work. An d too, it would serv e after yo u ge t out of college—in showin g that you had ha d experience i n som e lin e o f work . . . . Whateve r yo u d o wil l b e al l righ t wit h me just s o you d o no t overdo yourself, " Decembe r 8 , 1931 , Box 1 , Folder 9 . 85. Minni e Millett e t o Nanc y Millett e Mosher , Novembe r 20 , 1930 , Bo x 1, Folder 8 , ibid . 86. Minni e Millett e t o Nancy Millett e Mosher , Septembe r 2 1 and Octobe r 9, 1929 , Box 1 , Folder 7 , ibid . 87. Minni e Millett e t o Nanc y Millett e Mosher , January 21 , 1932 , Bo x 2 , Folder 10 ; Novembe r 1 4 an d Decembe r 6 , 1930 , Bo x 1 , Folde r 8 ; January 21, 1932 , Bo x 2 , Folde r 10 ; Novembe r 1 4 an d Decembe r 6 , 1930 , Bo x 1 , Folder 8 . Al l i n ibid . Fo r earlie r example s o f materna l interes t i n daughters ' academic experiences, se e chapter 5 . 88. "Whe n yo u recit e you r men u i t sound s bette r tha n anythin g w e eve r have," January 16 , 1935 , Bo x 2 , Folde r 12 ; April 3 , 1939 , and Ma y 16 , 1939 , both i n Bo x 3 , Folder 20 , ibid. 89. See , fo r example , Mrs . Millette' s reply to Nancy's comments o n Hitle r and he r observation s abou t th e relationshi p betwee n Russi a an d Englan d i n letters dated Februar y 2 , 1939 , anc * Apri l 20 , 1939 , Box 3 , Folder 20 , ibid. 90. Se e he r advic e regardin g th e importanc e o f checkin g fo r be d bug s i n a vacatio n accommodation , Jul y 3 , 1935 , an d he r comment s o n Nancy' s shopping habits : " I fee l bette r sinc e yo u mentione d tha t yo u hav e you r hamburger groun d fro m perfectl y fres h meat . That wa y you can cook i t rare if yo u choose—o f cours e I am gla d tha t yo u are thrifty, bu t I can't fee l goo d about you r buyin g unsaf e meat—o r decayin g frui t or wilted old vegetables, " August 4 , 1935 , ibid. 91. Minni e Millett e t o Nanc y Millett e Mosher , Apri l 8 , 1939 , Bo x 3 , Folder 20 , and n.d. t 1958 , Bo x 1 , Folder 6, ibid. 92. See , fo r example , advic e fro m Ethe l Aren s Tyn g t o Mar y Tyn g Hig gins abou t Mary' s son : " I a m no t tryin g t o ru n yo u o r him , just suggesting, " June 5 , 1948 ; comment s regardin g a propose d trip , " I don' t lik e t o dictat e you a mod e o f travel , bu t i t seem s t o m e . . . tha t i t wil l b e a ver y hecti c

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journey.. . . Di d you consider flying?"October 10 , 1948 ; and discussions of a miscarriage and possible pregnancy, September 1 6 and October 29 , 1948 ; all i n Serie s I , Folde r 10 , Mary Tyng Higgin s Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College. 93. Ethe l Aren s Tyng t o Mar y Tyng Higgins , Septembe r 6 , 1952 ; November 14 , 1956; and January 17 , 1957; Series I, Folder 12 , ibid. 94. Januar y 2, 1942, Ethel Arens Tyng Diary, Series I, Higgins Papers. 95. August a Salik Dublin to Mary Dublin Keyserling, February 25, 1932, Carton 1 , Folder 8; May 19, 1947, Carton 1 , Folder 13 ; April 3, i960, Carton 1, Folder 23; Keyserling Papers. 96. Jud y Barret t Litoff and David Smith, eds., Miss You: The World War II Letters of Barbara Wooddall Taylor and Charles E. Taylor (Athens , Georgia , 199°)> *4597. Dorothy' s letter s t o her mothe r sugges t tha t this was a particularly complicated relationship. Edna Rankin McKinnon traveled all over the world in her professional capacit y as a family-planning advocate , while her daughter appears to have suffered a classic case of what Betty Friedan called "the problem tha t has no name." Mrs. McKinnon seems to have tried to alleviate Dorothy's anguish by providing financial assistance and generous gifts . Th e letters document th e latter's unhappiness, her gratitude to her mother, and her feelings of guilt and regret. For illustrative examples, see Box 1 , Folders 13-23, Edn a Ranki n McKinno n Collection , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College. 98. Decembe r 9 , 1935 , an d Jul y 21 , 1931 . Bot h quotation s ar e fro m diaries in Carton 1 , Rosenfeld Papers. 99. See , fo r example , Jane Emme t to Hele n Prat t Emmet, January 25 , x 937; J ulY 8 , 1937 ; n.d. , 1937 ; n.d. , 1938 ; n.d. , 1940 ; Apri l 1940 ; Bo x 5 , Folder 1 , Emmet Collection. 100. Augus t 24 , 1928 , Carton 1 , Rosenfeld Papers . An explanatory not e in th e margi n o f thi s letter explains "I was very homesick. [M y sister] often teased me. I wouldn't ever write this." 101. See , for example, letters from Augusta Salik Dublin to her daughter Mary concernin g anothe r daughter , Jul y 31 , 1929 , an d Augus t 6 , 1929 , Carton 1 , Folde r 7 , Keyserlin g Papers ; Ma y 4 , 1943 , an d Jul y 14 , 1943 , Carton 1 , Folder 10 , Keyserling Papers; and a letter dated August 10 , 1937, Carton 1 , Rosenfeld Papers. 102. Leil a Rup p an d Vert a Taylor , Survival in the Doldrums (Ne w York , 1987). See also Filene, Him/Her/Self, chapter 6: "The Long Amnesia: Depression, War, and Domesticity," 148-76. 103. Elain e Tyler May, Homeward Bound: American Families in the Cold War (New York, 1988).

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9. "The Anchor of My Life" 1. Carrol l Smith-Rosenber g ha s argue d tha t existenc e o f a networ k o f intimate femal e relative s an d friend s durin g th e firs t two-third s o f th e nine teenth centur y serve d t o defus e mother-daughte r tensions . "Th e Femal e World o f Lov e an d Ritual, " in Smith-Rosenberg , Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America (New York , 1985) , 53-76 . 2. Kennet h Keniston , Young Radicals: Notes on Committed Youth (Ne w York, 1968) , 112-16 , an d Youth and Dissent: The Rise of a New Opposition (New York, 1971) , 172 . 3. Frieda n Manuscrip t Collection , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e Col lege, quote d i n Elain e Tyle r May , Homeward Bound: American Families in the Cold War Era (Ne w York , 1988) , 209-17 . 4. Mar y Thorn, ed., Letters to Ms., 1972-1987 (Ne w York , 1987) , 64-77 . 5. See , fo r example , letter s writte n i n 196 7 an d 196 8 b y Fredell e May nard to her daughter Ron a at Middlebury College , Fredell e Maynar d Papers , and diarie s kep t b y Catherin e Bl y Co x durin g th e 1960s , Catherin e Bl y Co x Papers (on e box) , bot h i n Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . Th e May nard letters document th e sam e sorts of concerns and the same close mother daughter communication tha t typified correspondenc e between earlier mothers and thei r college-studen t daughters . Th e Co x diarie s sugges t mother s an d young adolescen t daughter s als o remaine d clos e despit e th e increase d influ ence o f peer s an d th e pressure s o f tee n socia l life . Se e als o example s o f contemporary mother-daughte r relationship s illustrate d i n Kare n Payne, ed., Between Ourselves: Letters between Mothers and Daughters, 1750-1982 (Boston , 1983), an d Julie Kettl e Gundlach , My Mother before Me: When Daughters Discover Mothers (Secaucus , N.J. , 1986) . Fo r a n interestin g analysi s fro m th e maternal poin t of view, see th e essay titled "O n Being Raised by a Daughter," in Nancy Mairs , Plaintext (Tucson , 1986) . I am grateful t o Dr. Ellen Rothma n for calling thi s reference t o my attention . 6. Fo r example, th e researc h o f Judith Pilde s and tha t of Sher e Hit e ha s documented a stron g desir e o n th e par t o f daughter s no t t o b e lik e thei r mothers, tha t is , t o avoi d assumin g th e subordinat e role s an d th e statu s t o which th e latter have bee n relegate d i n a male-dominated culture . Se e Judith Pildes, "Mother s an d Daughters : Understandin g th e Roles, " Frontiers 3, 2 (Summer 1978) : 1 — 11; an d Sher e Hite , " I Hop e I' m No t Lik e M y Mother, " in Jane Pric e Knowle s an d Elle n Cole , eds. , Woman-Defined Motherhood (New York, 1990) , 13-30 . Hit e an d other s hav e suggeste d tha t th e fear , of agin g which characterize s America n cultur e generall y i s also implicated i n women' s fear of bein g like their mothers . See als o a recen t volum e b y Victori a Secunda , When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends (New York , 1990) , which offers a worst-possible-case scenari o through example s o f strongl y negativ e long-ter m effect s o f mother-daughte r conflict. 7. Theodor e Caplo w e t al. , Middletown Families: Fifty Years of Change and

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Continuity (Minneapolis, 1982) , 138-57 , an d Appendix A , Tables 7. 1 throug h 7.8, 371-77 . Se e als o Joseph Adelson' s argumen t tha t th e widel y perceive d generation ga p between parent s and children i n the late 1960 s was no greate r than i t ha d bee n i n an y othe r period , i n "Adolescenc e an d th e Generatio n Gap"Psychology Today 12 (February 1979) . 8. Se e Caro l Giiligan , Prologue , 1-5 , an d Preface , "Teachin g Shake speare's Sister : Note s from th e Undergroun d o f Femal e Adolescence, " 6—29; Lori Stern , "Conception s o f Separatio n an d Connectio n i n Femal e Adoles cents," 73-87 ; Judith P . Salzman, "Sav e th e World , Sav e Myself : Response s to Problemati c Attachment, " 110-46 ; Jane t Mendelson , "Th e Vie w fro m Step Numbe r 16 : Girl s fro m Emm a Willar d Schoo l Tal k abou t Themselve s and Thei r Futures, " 233-57 ; an d Sharo n Rich , "Daughters ' View s o f Thei r Relationships wit h Thei r Mothers, " 258-73 ; al l i n Caro l Giiliga n e t al. , eds. , Making Connections: The Relational Worlds of Adolescent Girls at Emma Willard School (Cambridge, Mass. , 1990) . 9. Rut h Woda k an d Murie l Schulz , The Language of Love and Guilt: Mother-Daughter Relationships from a Crosscultural Perspective (Amsterdam an d Philadelphia, 1986) . Whil e th e America n subject s clearl y emphasize d th e closeness o f thei r tie s t o thei r mothers , th e author s o f th e stud y note d th e difficulty o f distinguishin g betwee n th e influenc e o f prescriptiv e notion s o f the ideal famil y an d th e young women's actual experiences ; se e pp . 147-49 . 10. Ann e C . Petersen , "Thos e Gangl y Years, " Psychology Today (Septem ber 1987) : 28—34 ; Paul a J. Caplan , Don't Blame Mother: Mending the MotherDaughter Relationship (New York, 1989) , 11 . 11. Luc y Ros e Fischer , Linked Lives: Adult Daughters and Their Mothers (New York , 1986) . 12. Natali e Low , "Mother-Daughte r Relationships : Th e Lastin g Ties, " Radcliffe Quarterly (December 1984) : 1-4 . 13. Angel a M . Rosenberg , "Equit y an d Satisfactio n i n th e Midlif e Wom an's Relationshi p wit h He r Mother, " poster presentation , Gerontologica l So ciety of Americ a Annua l Meeting , San Francisco , November 1988 . 14. Dian e Sholomska s an d Rosalin d Axelrod , "Th e Influenc e o f Mother Daughter Relationship s o n Women' s Sens e of Sel f and Curren t Rol e Choices, " Psychology of Women Quarterly 10 , 2 (Jun e 1986) : 171—82 . Se e als o Barbar a Engel's observation s abou t th e connectio n betwee n materna l disconten t an d daughters' desire s t o def y establishe d societa l standard s i n nineteenth - an d early twentieth-centur y Russia , i n Mothers and Daughters: Women of the Intelligentsia in Nineteenth-Century Russia (New York , 1983) , 13 . 15. See , fo r example , discussion s o f th e danger s o f to o muc h educatio n for wome n containe d i n E . H . Clarke , Sex in Education: or, A Fair Chance for the Girls (Boston, 1873) . 16. Josep h F . Kett , Rites of Passage: Adolescence in America, 1790 to the Present (New York , 1977) : 133-43 , 215-38 . 17. A n interestin g analysi s of th e relationshi p amon g cultural , social , an d psychological factor s an d th e dynamic s o f famil y lif e i s Stephe n Mintz , A

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Prison of Expectations: The Family in Victorian Culture (New Yor k an d London , 1983)18. See , fo r example, th e articulatio n o f on e mother' s recognitio n o f suc h unfulfilled aspirations : " 'Some day I shall ge t reckless and do all the thing s I have bee n debarre d fro m doin g al l m y lif e almost.' " Mar y Herbs t t o he r daughter Helen , quote d i n Elino r Langer , Josephine Herbst (Boston , 1983 , 1984), 26 . Pete r Filen e suggest s tha t mother s live d vicariousl y throug h thei r daughters' rebelliou s an d emancipate d behavio r durin g th e lat e nineteent h century, i n Him/Her/Self: Sex Roles in Modern America, 2 d ed . (Baltimore , 1986), 23 . See also Barbara Mille r Solomon, In the Company of Educated Women (New Haven , 1985) , 6 7 - 6 8 . Fo r a n interestin g an d mor e comple x exampl e of th e potentia l impac t o f unfulfille d materna l aspiration s o n a n Australia n mother-daughter relationship , se e Jill Ke r Conway's autobiographic recollec tions in The Road from Coorain (New York , 1989) . 19. Nin i Herman , Too Long a Child: The Mother-Daughter Dyad (London , 1989), 212 . A n overvie w o f th e principle s o f famil y system s theor y i s con tained i n Paul a Marant z Cohen , The Daughter's Dilemma: Family Process and the Nineteenth-Century Domestic Novel (An n Arbor , Mich. , 1991) , chapte r 1 . Se e also Augustu s Y . Napie r an d Car l A . Whitaker , The Family Crucible (Ne w York, 1978) , an d Lyn n Hoffman , Foundations of Family Therapy: A Conceptual Framework for Systems Change (New York , 1981) . Fo r a n overvie w o f som e o f the issue s pertainin g t o th e interaction s o f mothers , daughters , an d fathers , see Davi d Lynn , Daughters and Parents: Past, Present, and Future (Monterey , Calif., 1979) . 20. See , fo r example , Barbar a Welter , Dimity Convictions: The American Woman in the Nineteenth Century (Athens , Ohio , 1976) , 6-7 ; Earnest , The American Eve in Fact and Fiction (Urbana, 111. , 1974) , 23-24 , 85 ; an d Mabe l Collins Donnelly , The American Victorian Woman: The Myth and the Reality (New York, 1986) , 21-24 . Elain e Showalte r ha s mad e simila r observations regard ing femal e novelist s an d thei r father s i n th e nineteenth-centur y Englis h context, i n A Literature of Their Own: British Women Novelists from Bronte to Lessing (Princeton, N.J. , 1977) , 62—64 . See als o observations b y John Demo s on th e father' s rol e i n providin g mora l supervisio n fo r daughter s a s wel l a s sons in early America , "Th e Changin g Face s of Fatherhood, " in Past, Present, and Personal: The Family and the Life Course in American History (New York , 1986), 46; evidence tha t emphasizes th e rol e of paterna l influenc e i n encour aging th e aspiration s o f leadin g Englis h feminists , above , chapte r 8 ; an d Olive Banks , Becoming a Feminist: The Social Origins of "First Wave" Feminism (Brighton, England , 1986) , 25-31 . 21. Paul a S. Fass, The Damned and the Beautiful; American Youth in the 1920's (New York , 1977) , 86—87 ; Margare t Marsh , "Suburba n Me n an d Masculin e Domesticity, 1870—1915, " in Mar k C . Carnes an d Clyd e Griffen , eds. , Meanings for Manhood: Constructions of Masculinity in Victorian America (Chicago , 1990), 111-27 . I a m gratefu l t o Professo r Pete r N . Stearn s fo r bringin g th e Marsh essay t o my attention .

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The putativ e increas e i n paterna l involvemen t aroun d th e tur n o f th e century offer s a n interestin g contras t t o Mar y Bulkley' s recollection s o f th e nineteenth-century paterna l role . I n he r memoirs , sh e observe d tha t whil e fathers wer e th e officia l famil y heads , disbursed th e money , an d occasionall y had t o "spea k to " a child , wive s wer e actuall y i n charg e o f th e household . With regar d t o he r ow n father , sh e commented : " I wa s alway s ver y clos e t o my father ; ye t h e doe s no t tak e a majo r plac e unti l m y adolescence . Now , I can se e tha t thi s was according t o the patter n o f th e tim e an d becaus e o f thi s pattern mos t father s wer e deprive d o f th e pleasure s a s wel l a s th e prope r duties"; see Mar y Ezit Bulkley, "Grandmother, Mothe r and Me, " 33, mimeo graphed manuscript , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . 22. Example s o f thi s typ e o f correspondenc e ar e containe d i n th e letter s of Mar y Hills , Bo x 9 , Folde r 3 , Hill s Famil y Papers , Specia l Collections , Amherst Colleg e Library , and in those between Lousi e Mario n Boswort h an d her father , Carto n 2 , Folder s 7 6 an d 77 , Louis e Mario n Boswort h Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . A recen t commentar y regardin g th e difficulties experience d b y colleg e psycholog y student s wh o wer e aske d t o assume thei r fathers ' voic e suggest s tha t a similar situatio n als o characterize s contemporary father-daughte r communication : "Everyon e coul d tel l about their father s . . . bu t t o speak as our father s wa s a hug e proble m fo r mos t o f us. W e discovere d tha t mos t o f ou r informatio n cam e fro m hint s an d out ward behavio r an d wha t ou r mother s ha d tol d us . Onl y a fe w o f u s fel t w e really kne w ou r dads , an d eve n fewe r coul d remembe r time s thei r father s had actually confided t o them"; quoted i n Linda Weltner, " A Father Puts Hi s Philosophy o n Paper, " Boston Globe (June 19 , 1987) : 28 . 23. Apri l 27 , 1907 , Diar y o f Clar a Savag e Littledale , Bo x 1 , Volum e 15 , Littledale Papers , Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 24. Eliz a Co e Brow n t o Joh n Crosb y Brown , Ma y 20 , 1888 , Folde r 7 ; August 17 , 1890 , Folde r 8 ; Augus t 7 , 1900 , Folde r 9 , al l i n Carto n 1 ; Dorothea Ma y Moore to Edward Moore , April 1 5 and July 27 , 1903 ; September 10 , an d Septembe r 14 , 1904 , Folde r 64 ; June 2 2 an d Augus t 10 , 1910 , Folder 66 ; Novembe r 6 , 1911 , Folde r 68 , al l i n Carto n 3 . Se e als o letter s from Eliz a Coe Brow n t o her mothe r whil e sh e wa s traveling i n Europ e wit h her fathe r i n 1900 , i n Folde r 9 , an d thos e o f Novembe r 9 , 1913 , Folde r 10 , and Ma y 24 , 1914 , Folde r 11 , al l i n Carto n 1 ; an d letter s fro m Edwar d Moore t o hi s daughter , Jul y 22 , 1910 , Folde r 67 , an d Octobe r 10 , 1911 , Folder 69 , i n Carto n 3 . Al l i n Dorothe a Ma y Moor e Papers , Schlesinge r Library, Radcliff e College . 25. Interestingly , despit e this tragedy , th e youn g woma n decide d t o con tinue he r journey. He r famil y unanimousl y approve d th e decision , an d he r mother assure d he r tha t he r fathe r woul d hav e agreed . Se e Mar y Kat e Brewster t o he r mother , Octobe r 5 , 1893 , Bo x 5 , Folde r 38 ; Mrs . Brewste r to Mar y Kate , Octobe r 15 , 1893 , anc * Novembe r 8 , 1893 , Bo x 5 , Folde r 35 , Brewster Famil y Papers , Sophi a Smit h Collection , Smit h College . Se e espe cially Mrs. Brewster's comments of Novembe r 8 : "I hope als o that you realiz e

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. . . that h e woul d wis h yo u t o ge t a s muc h enjoymen t as possibl e ou t o f this trip an d tha t i t i s par t o f you r educatio n t o se e wha t yo u ca n o f foreig n society." 26. Aff a Mine r Tuttl e t o he r mother , Februar y 5 , 1895 , a n d Februar y 6 , 1895, Bo x 18 , Folde r 6 , an d Diar y o f Elizabet h Mine r Garman , Sectio n III , Box 43 , Folde r 2 , bot h i n Charle s Edwar d Garma n Papers , Specia l Collec tions, Amhers t Colleg e Library . Se e als o affectionat e letter s t o Elizabet h Garman fro m he r father , D . W. Miner , i n Bo x 13 , Folder 1 , in ibid. 27. Joh n Basco m t o Florenc e Bascom , Octobe r 2 , 1884 . Se e als o letter s dated Octobe r 7 , 1884 , an d Novembe r 29 , 1884 , al l i n Bo x 10 , Folde r 7 , Florence Basco m Papers , Sophi a Smit h Collection , Smit h College . Thi s folde r contains numerous other encouraging, lovin g letters. Otto Auerbach to Lydia Marie Parsons , Februar y 27 , 1910 ; n.d. , 1917 ; June 5 , 1917 ; Septembe r 20 , 1923; al l i n Bo x 1 , Folde r 3 , Lydi a Mari e Parson s Papers , Schlesinge r Li brary, Radcliff e College . Th e quotatio n i s fro m a letter dated Septembe r 17 , 1915, whic h wa s writte n i n hono r o f Lydia' s twenty-eight h birthday . Anni e Winsor Alle n als o receive d affectionat e letter s fro m he r father , wh o wa s a physician and occasionally include d healt h advice along with comments abou t his grandchild . See , fo r example , a lette r date d Septembe r 16 , 1885 , Serie s III, Bo x 23 , Folde r 380 , Anni e Winso r Alle n Papers , Schlesinge r Library , Radcliffe College . 28. Loui s Dubli n t o Mar y Dubli n Keyserling , regardin g he r research , October 27 , 1931 , Novembe r 13 , 1931 , January 6 , 1932 , and June 21 , 1932 , all i n Folde r 25 , an d ho w muc h h e misse d her , Octobe r 13 , 1931 , in Folde r 24. Th e quotatio n i s fro m January 22 , 1932 , als o i n Folde r 25 . Expression s of prid e i n Mary' s wor k ar e containe d i n letter s writte n durin g th e perio d 1941-61, containe d i n Folder s 2 6 an d 27 , al l i n Carto n 1 , Mar y Keyserlin g Papers, Schlesinger Library , Radcliff e College . 29. Barbar a Sicherman, Alice Hamilton: A Life in Letters (Cambridge, Mass. , 1984), 19 . 30. The Spencers of Amberson Avenue: A Turn of the Century Memoir, ed . Michael P . Webe r an d Pete r N . Stearn s (Pittsburgh , 1983) , 122-23 ; Mario n Taylor Diar y excerpts , Septembe r 18 , 1918 , October 18 , 1918 , and July n.d. , 1919, Bo x 1 , Folder 11 ; November 26 , 1919 , and June 7 , 1920 , Box 1 , Folder 14, all in typescript, Schlesinge r Library , Radcliff e College . 31. Judit h Bar d wick, Psychology of Women: A Study of Bio-Cultural Conflicts (New York , 1971) , 138—39 . 32. Pete r N . Stearn s wit h Caro l Z . Stearns, "Emotionology: Clarifyin g th e History of Emotion s an d Emotiona l Standards, " American Historical Review 9 0 (October 1985) : 813-36 ; Shul a Sommers , "Understandin g Emotions : Som e Interdisciplinary Considerations, " i n Caro l Z . Stearn s an d Pete r N . Stearns , eds., Emotion and Social Change: Toward a New Psychohistory (Ne w Yor k an d London, 1988) , 2 3 - 38 (se e also the essays and works cited in the bibliograph y therein). 33. Ja n Lewis , "Mother' s Love : The Constructio n o f a n Emotio n i n Nine -

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283

teenth-Century America, " an d Pete r N . Stearns , "Suppressin g Unpleasan t Emotions: Th e Developmen t o f a Twentieth-Centur y America n Style, " i n Andrew E . Barne s an d Pete r N . Stearns , eds. , Social History and Issues in Human Consciousness: Some Interdisciplinary Connections (Ne w York, 1989) , 209— 29, 230-61 ; Caro l Z . Stearns an d Pete r N . Stearns , Anger: The Struggle for Emotional Control in America's History (Chicago , 1986) ; Carol Z . Stearns, " 'Lord Help Me Walk Humbly': Anger and Sadness in England and America, 1570 1750," and Pete r N . Stearns, "The Ris e of Sibling Jealousy i n the Twentiet h Century," i n Stearn s an d Stearns , eds. , Emotion and Social Change, 39-68, 193—222; and Pete r N . Stearns, Jealousy: The Evolution of an Emotion in American History (New York, 1989). 34. Stearn s an d Stearns , Anger, chapter 4 , an d Introductio n i n Emotion and Social Change, 12. The suppressio n o f femal e ange r reflect s a cultura l construction o f "femininity " i n whic h women' s expression s o f ange r an d aggression ar e essentiall y unacceptable ; Jean Bake r Miller , "Th e Construc tion o f Ange r i n Wome n an d Men, " i n Judit h V . Jordan e t al. , Women's Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center (New York, 1991) , 181—96. 35. Joa n Jacobs Brumberg, Fasting Girls: The Emergence of Anorexia Nervosa as a Modern Disease (Cambridge , Mass., 1988) , 126—40 , and Nanc y M . Theriot, The Biosocial Construction of Femininity: Mothers and Daughters in NineteenthCentury America (Westport, Conn. , 1988) , 119-32 . A possibl e connectio n between mother-daughte r conflic t an d eatin g disorders i n th e late twentiet h century ha s also been articulate d b y Ki m Chernin, The Hungry Self: Women, Eating and Identity (New York, 1985) . For a different vie w of this connection, see Kathlee n M . Pik e an d Judit h Rodin , "Mothers , Daughters , an d Disor dered Eating, " Journal of Abnormal Psychology (Ma y 1991) : 198—201 . Thi s study link s eatin g disorder s i n teen-age d girl s t o thei r mothers ' eatin g an d dieting behavior and also to their attitudes regarding their daughters' weight and appearance . 36. Fo r discussion s of th e relationshi p betwee n emotiona l standard s an d actual emotions, see Shula Sommers, "Understanding Emotions: Some Inter disciplinary Considerations," in Stearns and Stearns, Emotion and Social Change, 23—38; Margaret S . Clark, "Historical Emotionology : Fro m a Social Psychologist's Perspective, " i n Barne s an d Stearns , eds. , Social History and Issues in Human Consciousness, 262-69 ; an d Miller , "Th e Constructio n o f Ange r i n Women and Men, " especially 193-96 . Recent researc h i n emotions histor y include s Stearn s an d Stearns , Anger; Lewis, "Mother' s Love, " 209-29 ; an d Stearns , "Suppressin g Unpleasan t Emotions," 230—61 ; all cited i n not e 33 . See also the essay s and work s cite d in the bibiliography i n Stearns and Stearns, Emotion and Social Change. 37. Elain e Showalter , "Towar d a Feminis t Poetics, " i n The New Feminist Criticism: Essays on Women, Literature, Theory (New York, 1985) , 135, quoted i n Marianne Hirsch , The Mother/Daughter Plot (Bloomington, Ind. , 1989) , 125. 38. Fo r a discussion of the cultural heritag e of mother-blaming, see CapIan, Don't Blame Mother. Fo r a brief overview of nineteenth-century commen -

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tary o n th e failure s o f mother s t o fulfil l thei r responsibilities , se e Bernar d Wishy, The Child and the Republic: The Dawn of Modern American Child Nurture (Philadelphia, 1968) , 28-29 . Mid-twentieth-centur y example s o f mother blaming includ e Phili p Wylie , Generation of Vipers (New York , 1955) , an d Edward A . Strecke r an d Vincen t T . Lathbury , Their Mothers* Daughters (Phil adelphia an d Ne w York , 1956) . 39. Ethe l Sturge s Dummer , fo r example , wa s involve d i n a wide variet y of activitie s outside he r home. Se e Car l Degler, At Odds: Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the Present (New York , 1980) , chapter 13 , fo r a discussio n o f women' s worl d beyon d th e home . Smith-Rosenber g als o comments o n th e activitie s o f wome n outsid e th e confine s o f domesticit y i n "The Ne w Woma n a s Androgyne " i n Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg , Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America (New York , 1985) , 256-57 . 40. Suzann e Lebsock , The Free Women of Petersburg: Status and Culture in a Southern Town, 1784—1860 (Ne w York , 1984) , xvi. 41. Danie l Scot t Smith, "Famil y Limitation, Sexua l Control, and Domesti c Feminism i n Victorian America, " in Mar y S. Hartma n and Loi s Banner, eds. , Clio's Consciousness Raised (New York , 1974) , 119-36 . Se e also Degler, At Odds, chapter 11 , 249-78; Nanc y F . Cott, The Bonds of Womanhood: "Woman's Sphere" in New England, 1780-1835 (Ne w Haven , 1977) ; Mar y Bet h Norton , "Th e Paradox o f 'Women' s Sphere,' " i n Caro l R . Berki n an d Mar y Bet h Norton , eds., Women of America: A History (Boston, 1979) ; Kathry n Kis h Sklar, Catharine Beecher: A Study in American Domesticity (New York , 1973) ; Glenn a Mat thews, "Just a Housewife": The Rise and Fall of Domesticity in America (New York , 1987); Dolore s Hayden , The Grand Domestic Revolution: A History of Feminist Designs for American Homes, Neighborhoods, and Cities (Cambridge, Mass. , 1981) ; and Barbar a Harris , Beyond Her Sphere: Women and the Professions in American History (Westport, Conn. , 1978) . I a m gratefu l t o Professo r Pete r N . Stearn s for suggestin g a possible connectio n betwee n domesti c feminis m an d mater nal support . 42. Se e chapter 5 , p . 95. 43. Smith , "Family Limitation , Sexua l Control , and Domesti c Feminism. " 44. Melvi n L . Kohn , Class and Conformity: A Study in Values, 2d ed . (Chi cago, 1977) , especiall y xxxiv , 17 , 35 , 43 , 46 , 71-72 , 101 , 105-6 , 114 . Th e findings reporte d i n thi s stud y reflec t researc h conducte d primaril y i n th e late 1950 s and early 1960s . Koh n also cites cross-cultural dat a from an Italia n study, whic h documen t a middle-clas s tendenc y t o valu e characteristic s tha t reflect self-direction , an d dat a fro m Middletown , whic h indicat e tha t work ing-class mother s stresse d obedienc e mor e tha n thei r middle-clas s counter parts di d durin g th e 1920s . Dat a fro m bot h classe s sugges t tha t father s ar e less supportiv e o f daughter s tha n ar e mothers . Se e als o Jonas Frykma n an d Orvar Lofgren , Culture Builders: A Historical Anthropology of Middle-Class Life (New Brunswick , N.J. , 1987) , whic h examine s th e evolutio n o f th e Swedis h middle-class worldvie w betwee n 188 0 an d 1910 . I a m gratefu l t o Professo r Richard Schoenwal d fo r calling m y attention t o these sources .

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A recen t exploratio n o f th e interaction s o f singl e mother s an d adolescen t daughters i n earl y twentieth-centur y Lo s Angele s als o lend s credenc e t o th e suggestion tha t middle-clas s parent s accepte d nonconformit y mor e readil y than thei r working-clas s counterpart s did . Thi s stud y foun d tha t whe n daughters engaged i n untraditiona l behavio r such as leaving home, frequent ing danc e halls , refusin g t o tur n ove r thei r wage s t o parents , an d engagin g in premarita l sex , singl e mother s frequentl y turne d t o th e juvenil e cour t system fo r assistanc e i n resolvin g th e ensuin g famil y conflicts . Se e Mar y Odem, "Singl e Mothers , Delinquen t Daughters , an d th e Juvenil e Cour t i n Early 20t h Centur y Los Angeles, " Journal of Social History 25 , 1 (Fall 1991) : 27-43. Clearly , furthe r wor k i s needed i n order t o substantiate th e existenc e of this potential class-base d differenc e i n mother-daughter relationships . 45. Se e "M y Quarrel wit h Women' s Clubs, " Ladies Home Journal 2 7 (Jan uary 1910) : 5 - 6, quote d i n Christopher Lasch , The New Radicalism in America, 1889-1963 (Ne w York , 1965) , 47-49 . Carrol l Smith-Rosenber g ha s com mented o n th e lac k o f congruenc e betwee n th e perspective s o f mal e author s and th e experience s o f women : " I cease d t o searc h i n men' s writing s fo r clues t o women' s experiences" ; "Hearin g Women' s Words : A Feminis t Re construction o f History, " i n Disorderly Conduct, 27 . Se e als o Norton , "Th e Paradox of Women' s Sphere, " in Berkin and Norton , eds. , Women of America. 46. Maxin e L . Margolis , Mothers and Such: Views of American Women and Why They Changed (Berkeley, 1984) , 39. 47. See , for example, Mrs . Burton Harrison , "Home Lif e as a Profession, " Harper's Bazar 3 3 (Ma y 19 , 1900) : 148-50 , quote d i n Lasch , The New Radicalism, 49. 48. Stearn s and Stearns , Anger, chapter 4. 49. Fo r an analysis of the effects o n th e famil y of th e emphasis on outsid e experts, see Christopher Lasch , Haven in a Heartless World: The Family Besieged (New York, 1977) . 50. Carrol l Smith-Rosenberg , "Th e Ne w Woma n an d th e Ne w History, " Feminist Studies 3 , 1/ 2 (Fal l 1975) : 185—98 . Se e als o th e discussio n o f th e influence o f cultur e o n a n individual's interpretatio n o f motherin g a s distinguished fro m tha t o f th e specifi c mode l provide d b y he r ow n mother , i n Arlie Hochschil d wit h Ann e Machung , The Second Shift (Ne w York , 1989) , 155-5751. Introductio n an d Jean Bake r Miller , "Th e Developmen t o f Women' s Sense of Self," in Jordan e t al., Women's Growth in Connection, 1—7, 11-26 . 52. Alexandr a G . Kapla n an d Ron a Klein , "Th e Relationa l Sel f i n Lat e Adolescent Women, " i n Jorda n e t al. , Women's Growth in Connection, 123 . Carol Gilligan' s mode l o f femal e developmen t als o emphasize s th e rol e o f affective connectednes s i n women' s concept s o f self ; se e In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development (Cambridge, Mass. , and London , 1982). 53. Judit h V . Jordan , "Th e Meanin g o f Mutuality, " i n Jorda n e t al. , Women's Growth in Connection, 82-83 , 87 .

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54. Ibid. , 84. 55. Jane t L . Surrey , "Th e Relationa l Sel f i n Women : Clinica l Implica tions," in Jordan e t al., Women's Growth in Connection, 35-43 . 56. Kapla n an d Klein , "Th e Relationa l Sel f i n Lat e Adolescen t Women, " 125.

57. Jane t L . Surrey , "Th e Self-in-Relation : A Theory o f Women' s Devel opment," in Jordan e t al., Women's Growth in Connection, 60. See Nancy Mairs' s comments o n he r ow n experienc e o f th e mutua l growt h an d chang e tha t occurs i n th e mother-daughte r relationshi p i n he r essay , "O n Bein g Raise d by a Daughter" (see not e 5) . 58. Fo r example s o f curren t studie s tha t suppor t thi s theory , se e Nanc y A. Gleason , "Daughter s an d Mothers : Colleg e Wome n Loo k a t Their Rela tionships," in Jordan e t al. , Women's Growth in Connection, 132-40, an d Terr i Apter, Altered Loves: Mothers and Daughters during Adolescence (Ne w York , 1990). Th e issu e o f th e applicatio n o f ahistorical , psychologica l theorie s t o the analysi s o f th e famil y i n pas t period s i s considered i n Nanc y M . Theriot , The Biosocial Construction of Femininity: Mothers and Daughters in NineteenthCentury America (Westport , Conn. , 1988) , 12 . Se e als o Jane Flax , "Th e Con flict betwee n Nurturanc e an d Autonom y i n Mother-Daughte r Relationship s and withi n Feminism, " Feminist Studies 4 (Jun e 1978) : 171-89 . 59. See , fo r example , Jacques Barzun , Clio and the Doctors: Psycho-History, Quanto-History, and History (Chicago , 1974) ; Sau l Friedlander , History and Psychoanalysis: An Inquiry into the Possibilities and Limits of Psychohistory (Ne w York, 1978) ; Geral d Izenberg , "Psychohistor y an d Intellectua l History, " History and Theory 14 (1975): 139—55 - A useful discussio n of the issues surround ing psychohistor y an d a relevan t bibliograph y ma y b e foun d i n Richar d L . Schoenwald, "Th e Psychologica l Stud y o f History, " i n Geor g G . Igger s an d Harold T . Parker , eds. , International Handbook of Historical Studies: Contemporary Research and Theory (Westport, Conn.) , 71-86 . 60. Nanc y Chodorow , Introduction , Feminism and Psychoanalytic Theory (New Have n an d London , 1989) , 3—4. 61. Marci a Westkott , "Mother s an d Daughter s i n th e Worl d o f th e Fa ther," Frontiers 3 , 2 (Summe r 1978) : 16-17 . Stron g mother-daughte r rela tionships als o characterized th e experiences o f immigran t wome n a t the tur n of th e centur y an d wome n wh o participate d i n th e nineteenth-centur y west ward movement . O n th e former , se e Sydne y Stah l Weinberg , The World of Our Mothers (Chapel Hill , N.C. , 1988) ; Elizabet h Stern , My Mother and I (Ne w York, 193 7 [1916]) ; and H . M . Bannan, "Warrio r Women: Immigrant Moth ers in th e Work s o f Thei r Daughters, " Women's Studies 6 (1979) : 165-77 . O n frontier women , se e Elizabet h Hampsten , ed., To All Inquiring Friends: Letters, Diaries and Essays in North Dakota, 1880—1910 (Gran d Forks , N.D. , 1979) ; A Victorian Gentlewoman in the Far West: The Reminiscences of Mary Hallock Foote, ed. Rodma n W . Pau l (Sa n Marino , Calif. , 1972) ; Lillia n Schlissel , Women's Diaries of the Westward Journey (Ne w York , 1982) ; an d Elian e Silverman , "I n Their Ow n Words : Mother s an d Daughter s o n th e Albert a Frontier , 1890 -

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1920," Frontiers 2, 2 (1977) : 37-44 . Blac k wome n hav e als o relie d o n mater nal suppor t a s wel l a s th e suppor t o f a wide r femal e network . See , fo r example, Jacqueline Jones, Labor of Love, Labor of Sorrow: Black Women, Work, and the Family from Slavery to the Present (New York , 1985) ; Caro l Stack , All Our Kin: Strategies for Survival in a Black Community (New York , 1974) ; an d Patricia Hil l Collins , "Th e Meanin g o f Motherhoo d i n Blac k Cultur e an d Black Mother/Daughte r Relationships, " Sage 4, 2 (Fall 1987) : 3 - 9 . 62. Fo r example s o f th e impac t o f cross-cultura l an d class-base d differ ences o n mother-daughte r interactions , se e th e analysi s o f Englis h mother daughter relationship s i n chapter 7 and th e discussion o f variation s in mother daughter interaction s acros s socia l classe s i n nineteenth-centur y Russi a i n Barbara Alper n Engel , Mothers and Daughters, 7—14. 63. Demos , "Th e Changin g Face s o f Fatherhood" ; Mar y Bet h Norton , Liberty's Daughters: The Revolutionary Experience of American Women (Boston , 1980); Jan Lewis , "Mother's Love"; and Nanc y Chodorow , "Famil y Structur e and Feminin e Personality, " in Feminism and Psychoanalytic Theory, 63 . 64. Marth a A . Robbins , "Mournin g th e Myt h o f Mother/hood : Reclaim ing Our Mothers ' Legacies," in Knowles and Cole, Woman-Defined Motherhood, 41—59; and idem, Midlife Women and Death of Mother: A Study ofPsychohistorical and Spiritual Transformation (New York , 1990) . 65. Se e chapter 4, pp. 73-74, and chapter 6, pp . 125 , 133 , for expression s of daughters' feelings abou t maternal death . 66. Elain e Showalter , Sexual Anarchy: Gender and Culture at the Fin de Siecle (New York , 1990) . 67. Mar y Ezi t Bulkley , "Grandmother , Mothe r an d Me, " mimeographe d manuscript, Schlesinge r Library . 68. Caroly n G . Heilbrun , Writing a Woman's Life (Ne w York , 1988) , 1 1 8 1969. Barbar a Sicherman , "American History, " Signs 1 , 2 (Winte r 1975) : 480. 70. Dori s Parson s Ros e t o Lydi a Mari e Parsons , Ma y 8 , 1983 , Bo x 1 , Folder 18 , Lydia Mari e Parson s Papers.

INDEX

Boston University , 9 9 Acland, Eleanor , 159 , 161-6 2 Affection betwee n mother s and daugh Bosworth, Eleanor a Wheeler , 9 1 - 9 3 , 11 6 ters, 9 5 - 9 8, 186-88 , 24 4 n. 21, 247 n. Bosworth, Louis e Marion , 9 1 - 9 3 , 105 , 50, 25 1 n. 94, 25 7 n. 55 , 275 n. 5 5 189 Allen, Annie Winsor , 77 , 79 , 85, 87, 9 4 Bowerman, Elsie , 154-5 5 97, 116 , 120-21 , 155 , 19 7 Bradley, Am y Aldis , 11 9 Bread-Givers, 62, 6 4 - 6 7 Almy, Hele n Jackson Cabot , 116 Brewster, Ann a Gertrude , 12 2 Almy, Mary , 77 , 11 6 Brewster, Helen , 12 2 Ames, Blanch e Ames , 101-2 , 114-15 , Brewster, Mar y Kate , 20 0 127, 132 , 18 4 Brittain, Vera , 144-47 , 151 , 159 , 16 0 Anderson, Margaret , 110-1 2 Bryn Maw r College, 95 , 96, 18 8 Anger, socialization regarding , 6-7 , Bulkley, Mar y Ezit , 79 , 129 , 21 4 201-2 Anorexia nervosa , 201 . See also Health is-- Burstall , Sara, 151-52 , 15 6 Burton, Harrie t Wright , 7 4 sues Bush-Brown, Lydia , 10 5 Arcana, Judith, 2 - 3 Ashby, Marger y Corbett , 155-5 6 Association o f Collegiat e Alumna e Cabot, Ell a Lyman, 8 3 - 8 4 , 17 9 (American Associatio n o f Universit y Cabot, Richard , 8 3 Women), 9 9 Calender, June, 178 , 180-81 , 18 4 Austin, Mary , 55, 6 7 Cambridge University , 137 , 16 0 Avery, Maria , 12 , 1 4 Carter, Melissa , 1 5 Ayrton, Barbara , 15 4 Cass, Hele n Landon , 10 6 Cather, Willa, 52, 67, 10 6 Barnard College , 106 , 10 9 Chandler, Hannah , 1 3 Bascom, Florence , 20 0 Change i n mother-daughte r relation Beals, Jessie Tarbox, 17 3 ships, 21 , 86, 176-78 , 179-86 , 19 2 Bent Twig, The, 41, 52, 54-55, 61 , 64, 6 6 Chessler, Elizabet h Macfarlane , 38 , 11 3 Blackwell, Alice , 7 5 - 7 6 Child, Lydi a Maria , 11 3 Blackwell, Elizabeth , 1 9 Chodorow, Nancy , 3 - 4 , 20 9 Blackwell, Hannah , 1 9 Chorley, Katherine , 158-6 1 Blackwell, Luc y Stone. See Stone, Luc y Communication betwee n mother s an d Bloom, Ursula , 159-6 0 daughters, 3 1 - 3 3 , 7 4 - 7 5 , 264n . 52 , Bloor, Ell a Reeve, 127-2 8 278n. 5 ; regarding domestic tasks , Boit, Mar y Anderson, 72-74 , 8 9 116; in England , 148—50 ; regardin g Bok, Edward , 26 , 2 9 - 3 0, 20 5 the fact s of life , 2 6 - 2 7 , 3 5 - 3 6 , 7 9 - 8 1 , Booth-Clibborn, Catherine , 125-2 6 89, 159 , 240nn.48, 55 , 2 6 7 - 68 n. 98 ; 289

2 go

INDEX

Communication (Continued) regarding famil y matters , 116-21 ; re garding persona l appearance , 7 8 - 7 9 , 115-16; post-1920 , 173-74 , 186-91 , 194-96; pre-1880 , 10-11 , 1 1 - 1 5 , 2 0 ; problems in , 16 , 23-25, 73 , 7 5 - 7 8 Comparative history , 134-3 6 Conflict betwee n mother s an d daughters , 94-97, 110-12 , 127-29 , 245n . 27 , 251 n. 102 , 2 5 1 - 5 2 n . l 0 4, 258n . 67 , 259n. 72 ; absence of , 126-27 , 197-99 ; current discussion s of , 1-5 ; i n En gland, 140 , 142-45 , 147-48 , 150 ; post-1920, 170-73 , 177-80 , 187 ; pre 1880, 1 6 - 1 9 , 2 0 - 2 1 Contemporary mother-daughte r rela tionships, 1-5 , 194-96 , 2 0 2 - 3 , 2 1 0 11 Converse, Florence , 9 9 Co-residence o f adul t mother s an d daughters, 121 , 13 1 Corke, Helen , 150-51 , 16 0 Cornell University , 9 5 Costelloe, Mar y Smith, 8 2 Country of the Pointed Firs, The, 5 0 - 5 1, 53 , 69 Courtship, materna l involvemen t in , 28 , 82-89, 101 , 104-5 , 24In . 73 , 242n . 80, 27 2 n. 40; post-1920 , 18 1 Dana, Elizabet h Ellery , 122 , 13 0 Dana, Sara h Watson , 13-1 4 Daughters: adolescent , 71-90 ; adult , 114-33; ambivalenc e towar d mothers , 146-47, 150-51 ; college-aged, 9 1 113; filial obligations of , 25 , 2 7 - 2 8 , 98 , 147, 22 4 n. 76 ; importance t o mothers , 14-15, 107 , 108 , 113 , 119 , 120 , 125 , 132-33, 181-84 , 186-87 ; a s source s of suppor t fo r mothers , 125-26 , 1 8 2 84; unmarrie d daughters , 17 , 121-2 3 Davidson, Cath y N. , 4 3 Death, maternal , 10 , 74, 97, 113 , 131 , 133, 250n . 87 , 252n . 112 , 269n. 12 1 Demarest, Victori a Booth , 125-2 6 Dewing, Thomas , 9 Dewson, Mar y Williams , 12 1 Dickinson, Emily , 18-1 9

Dix, Dorothy , 8 Dodge, Grace , 1 6 Dodge, Mar y A., 1 7 Domestic feminism , 11-12 , 203- 4 Drake, Jane Emmet . See Emmet, Jane Dublin, August a Salik , 183 , 19 0 Dublin, Louis , 20 0 Dummer, Ethe l Sturges , 85-86, 104-5 , 197-98 Dummer, Frances , 85-86, 8 8 Dummer, Katharine , 104- 5 Dummer, Marion , 10 5 Eastman, Annis Ford , 10 8 Eastman, Crystal, 108- 9 Emerson, Eugeni e Homer , 117 , 123-2 4 Emmet, Jane, 177 , 182-8 3 Emotional standards , 40, 202-3, 230n . 81 Faithfull, Lilian , 151-53 , 16 2 Farrar, Frederi c William , 3 7 Fasick, Adel e Mongan , 178 , 181 , 18 4 Fass, Paula, 176 Father-daughter relationships , 75 , 8 5 86, 95, 184 , 194 , 199-201 , 223n . 70 , 273n. 58 , 280-82nn. 20 , 21, 22, 27; i n England, 143-45 , 165 , 263n. 21 ; fictional portrayal s of, 46-47 , 54 , 56 , 6 2 63 Feminine Mystique, The, 194 Feminism, 145 , 154-55 , 164-65 , 169 , 175,192 Fernald, James C, 3 7 Fiction: domestic fiction, 44 ; fictional vs . actual mother s an d daughters , 206-7 ; as historical source , 42-43; hostilit y between mother s and daughters in , 41, 63-64; image s of materna l sacrifice in , 59-63; image s of mother-daughte r in teractions in , 41-69; importanc e o f mother-daughter relationship s in , 4 6 47, 52-55 , 64-66 ; ineffectiv e mother s in, 44, 48, 55-59; positiv e mother daughter relationship s in , 41, 50, 5 2 Filene, Pete r G., 6 , 8 Fisher, Doroth y Canfield , 33-34 , 41 , 52, 54

INDEX Fiske, Fidelia , 1 7 "Flappers," 169-70 , 173-7 5 Flax, Jane, 3 Freeman, Mar y Wilkins, 48, 61 Friday, Nancy , 2 Friedan, Betty, 183 , 19 4 Fulford, Grace , 16 1 Fuller, Lul u Alm a Perry , 116 , 11 8 Garman, Elizabet h Miner , 130 , 20 0 Generation ga p between mother s an d daughters, 22 , 27, 33-34, 175 , 193 94, 214 , 251 n. 100 , 278-79n. 7 Geographic separation , impac t o n mother-daughter relationships , 106 108, 124-25 , Gildersleeve, Virginia , 109-1 0 Gilligan, Carol, 4 Gilman, Charlotte Perkins , 11 8 Gilman, Stella, 1 6 Girl of the Period and Other Social Essays, The, 13 8 Girton College, 140-42 , 144 , 153 , 15 5 Glasgow, Ellen , 57, 6 7 Goldman, Emma , 11 0 Grey, Mari a G., 13 6 Grier, Lynda, 14 2 Hadow, Grace , 14 7 Hale, Ellen , 84, 122-23 , 13 0 Hale, Emily Perkins , 13 , 11 7 Hall, G. Stanley, 138 , 19 7 Hamilton, Alice , 100 , 20 0 Hammer, Signe , 3 , 9, 1 4 Hancock, Cornelia , 1 7 Harland, Marion , 32, 3 5 Harmon, Helen . See Weis, Helene Har mon Harvard University , 98 , 10 0 Health issues : eating disorders, 201, 283 n. 35; mother-daughter concern s regarding, 123—24 ; shared invalidis m and chlorosis, 2 0 Herbst, Josephine, 79 , 8 5 Herman, Nini , 199 , 20 1 Herrick, Sophia Bledsoe , 124-2 5 Higgins, Mar y Tyng, 19 0 Hills, Emily, 74-75 , 84-8 5

291

Hills, Mary , 7 4 - 7 6 , 8 4 - 8 5 , 17 8 Historical stud y o f mother-daughte r re lationships, 5 , 6 , 2 1 Hitchcock, Bess , 11 7 Hitchcock, Carolin e Judson, 115 , 12 1 Hitchcock, Lucy , 115 , 12 7 Hitchcock, Mary , 11 7 Hodges, Kate , 1 6 Hoffman, Alin e Lydia , 3 6 - 3 7 Homer, Mar y Elizabeth , 11 5 House of Mirth, The, 5 6 - 5 7, 64 , 6 8 Howes, Ethe l Puffer , 100-10 1 Howland, Emily , 1 7 Hughes, Molly , 148-50 , 15 1 Industrialization, 6 , 7 In the House of My Pilgrimage, 15 2 Jackson, Gabriell e G. , 32 , 3 6 James, Alice, 18-1 9 Jewett, Sara h Orne , 5 0 - 5 1 Jones, Constance , 141-42 , 151 , 16 5 Keniston, Kenneth , 19 4 Key, Ellen, 3 7 Keys, France s Parkinson , 8 0 Keyserling, Mar y Dublin , 183-84 , 20 0 Kirchwey, Freda , 10 6 Lady Margare t Hall , 13 7 Laidlaw, Harrie t Wrigh t Burton . See Burton, Harrie t Wrigh t Lane, Ros e Wilder , 12 8 Laslett, Peter , 6 9 Latimer, Caroline W. , 32 , 3 4 Lebsock, Suzanne , 20 3 Leeds University , 14 2 Life with Gabriella, 57, 65, 6 7 Linton, Eliza Lynn , 138-3 9 Literature: as historical evidence , 43 , 231 n. 6 ; as a reflection o f cultura l real ity, 42. See also Fiction Littledale, Clar a Savage, 110-11,113 , 199 Loomis, Electa , 1 8 Luscomb, Florence , 108— 9 Lyman, Ella. See Cabot, Ell a Lyma n Lynd, Rober t an d Helen . Se e Middletown

292

INDEX

McGovern, James R. , 9 McKinnon, Edn a Rankin , 19 0 Marks, Sarah (als o Herth a Ayrton) , 151 , 153-54 Mary Olivier, 41 , 63-64, 6 9 Massachusetts Institut e o f Technology , 108 Matrophobia, 1 , 112 , 278n. 6 Maynard, Constance, 140-42 , 151 , 153 , 165 Middle-class Englis h socia l mores , 1 5 8 61, 163-64 , 26 7 nn. 88 , 92 , 9 3 Middle-class famil y patterns , 8 8 - 8 9 , 204 , 284-85 n. 44; comparison betwee n America an d England , 157-58 , 159 60, 161-62 ; i n England , 135 ; post 1920, 170-7 3 Middletown, 170-73 , 176-7 7 Miller, Alice Mason , 102- 3 Miller, Hele n Lyman , 102- 4 Miller, Jean Baker , 4 Millette, Minnie , 188-9 0 Miner, Affa . See Tuttle, Aff a Mine r Miner, Jean, 12 7 Mintz, Steven, 2 0 Mitchell, Luc y Sprague, 10 6 Mongan, Adele . See Fasick, Adel e Mon gan Moore, Dorothe a May , 105 , 19 9 Moore, Eliz a Brow n Coe , 118 , 19 9 Morgan, Laur a Puffer , 100-10 1 Mosher, Clelia , 7 9 Mother-blaming, 2 , 25, 2 8 - 3 0 , 174-7 5 Motherhood: cultura l prescription s re garding, 11-12 , 20 , 3 9 - 4 0 , 6 8 - 6 9 , 71 , 213, 214 ; professionalization of , 3 7 3 9 , 8 9 - 9 0 , 176,20 5 Mothers: importanc e t o daughters, 7 3 77, 83 , 94, 95-96, 97 , 98, 100 , 107 , 108-9, 113 , 118 , 130 , 132-33 , 141 , 146-47, 148 , 188 , 190 ; involvement i n daughters' academic lives , 100-104 , 189; support fo r daughters' aspirations, 9 1 - 1 1 3, 145-46 , 151-5 6 Mother's Recompense, The, 59—60, 67, 6 9 My Mother, My Self, 2 Nathan, Maud , 7 4 Nevinson, Margaret , 143-44 , 16 5

Newnham College , 142 , 15 1 "New woman, " 6—10, 70; in England , 136-40 Norton, Mar y Beth, 1 0 Oberlin College , 18 8 Old Maid, The, 59-60, 6 7 Ormsby, Edna , 70-7 2 Ormsby, Esther , 7 0 - 7 2 Oxford University , 98 , 13 7 Parsons, Lydi a Marie , 119 , 20 0 Peck, Winifred, 16 2 Peer culture, post-1920 , 170-74 , 176 77, 178-79 , 27 1 n. 2 1 Pembroke, 48-50 , 51 , 55, 64-6 5 Peters, Lucy Wilson, 114-15 , 13 3 Pinckney, Eliz a Lucas, 91 Poor, Agnes , 12 2 Poor, Lucy, 12 2 Poor, Mar y Pierce, 120 , 12 9 Portion of Labor, The, 61, 63, 6 5 - 6 6 Prescriptive literature, 40, 140 , 205-6 ; advice manuals , 31-39 ; Good Housekeeping, 22, 30-31; Harper's Bazar, 26 , 27, 30 , 31, 205; The Independent, 28 ; Ladies Home Journal, 23-26 , 27 , 3 0 - 3 1 , 94-95, 152 , 205; Ms., 194 ; The Nation, 108; The New York Times, 138; Nineteenth Century, 137, 138-39 ; North American Review, 138 ; periodicals, 2 2 31, 185—86 ; Woman's Home Companion, 30 Psychological issues , 2-4, 201-2 ; object relations theory, 3 - 4 ; relationa l devel opment theory , 4, 207-10 , 212-1 3 Queneau, Marguerite , 106- 7 Radcliffe College , 94 , 97 , 99, 10 4 Raverat, Gwen , 162-6 4 Rich, Adrienne, 3 Rittenhouse, Maud , 78 , 80, 81, 8 2 - 8 3, 84, 117 , 18 1 Robinson, Ruth , 186-8 7 Root, Rebeccah , 1 6 Rothman, Ellen , 16 , 82, 87 Russell, Fannie , 1 2 Ryan, Mary , 39, 4 3

INDEX Sangster, Margaret , 3 5 Scudder, Vida , 9 8 - 9 9, 121 , 19 8 Secor, Leila , 111-1 2 Sewall, Abby , 1 4 Sewall, Augusta , 13-1 4 Sharp, Evelyn , 153-5 4 Showalter, Elaine , 202 , 21 1 Sicherman, Barbara , 21 5 Significance o f mother-daughte r rela tionship, 100 , 108-9 , 113,213-1 5 Simkhovitch, Mar y Kingsbury , 9 9 Sinclair, May , 4 1 , 6 3 - 6 4 Smith, Aurelia, 1 2 Smith, Danie l Scott , 20 4 Smith, Hild a Worthington , 96, 121 , 188 89,198 Smith College, 8 , 98 , 100 , 101 , 102- 3 Smith-Rosenberg, Carroll , 6 , 12 , 15 , 44, 51, 11 2 Social and cultural climate , 168-70 , 210-12 Social class differences, 132-33 , 213, 268n. 110 , 2 8 4 - 8 5 n. 44 , 286-87n. 6 1 Somerville College , 14 5 Song of the Lark, The, 53, 55, 61, 63, 6 4 67 Spencer, Ethel , 20 0 Starrett, Hele n Ekin , 34, 38-3 9 Stiller, Nikki , 1 Stokes, Esther , 16 1 Stone, Lucy , 7 5 - 7 6 Story of Avis, The, 45-47, 50 , 51, 6 4 Swanwick, Helen a Sickert , 142-43 , 16 5 Swett, Helen , 8 1 - 8 2 Talbot, Marion , 99-100, 10 1 Taylor, Barbar a Wooddall , 19 0 Taylor, Marion , 76-77 , 80 , 86-87, 88 , 200 Teischman, Ruth , 187-8 8 Thayer, Abbott , 9 Theriot, Nanc y M. , 1 6 Thomas, M . Carey, 78 , 81, 95-96, 98 , 99, 101,20 4

293

Tompkins, Jane, 4 2 Turrill, Marilla , 1 8 Tuttle, Aff a Miner , 84 , 119-20 , 123 , 130, 20 0 Tuttle, Frances , 118-19 , 12 4 Tuttle, Lucil e Burdette , 10 7 University o f Chicago , 9 9 University o f London , 136 , 14 9 University o f Michigan , 10 0 Vassar College, 8 , 10 8 Victorian culture , 6 , 20 , 111-12 , 134 , 136, 137-3 9 Virginia, 5 7 - 5 8, 6 5 Wall, Louise Herrick , 116 , 124-2 5 Ward, Elizabet h Stuar t Phelps , 45, 6 7 Weis, Helen e Harmon , 179-80 , 184 , 18 6 Wellesley College , 8 , 91 , 93, 98, 12 1 Westkott, Marcia , 21 0 Weston, Anna , 14—1 5 Wharton, Edith , 56 , 59 , 68, 8 0 - 8 1 , 9 0 Wilberforce, Octavia , 147-48 , 153 , 16 5 Wilder, Laur a Ingalls , 12 8 Wilken, Josephine, 10 2 Wilkinson, Charlotte , 10 2 Willmott, Peter , 13 2 Winsor, Ann e Ben t Ware , 9 4 - 9 5 Woman of Genius, A, 55 , 6 4 - 6 7 Women's education: i n America , 7 , 8 , 34-35, 2 1 9 - 2 0 n . 25 , 243n. 3 ; in En gland, 136-37 , 144-45 , 156-57 ; ma ternal disapprova l of , 141 , 142—43 , 148, 160 ; maternal suppor t for , 91— 110, 144-46 , 151-53 , 163 , 244n. 19 , 245 n. 25 , 24 8 n. 66 , 249n . 8 3 Woolf, Virginia , 1 , 16 4 Yezierska, Anzia , 62 , 6 7 Young, Michael , 13 2

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