Sophia Parnok: The Life and Work of Russia's Sappho 9780814725047

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SOPHIA PARNO

K

The Cuttin g Edge : L e s b i a n Lif e a n d L i t e r a t u r e

The C u t t i n g E d g e : L e s b i a n Lif e an d L i t e r a t u r e Series Editor:

Karla

Jay

Ladies Almanack BY DJUN A BARNE S WITH A N INTRODUCTIO N B Y SUSA N SNIADE R LANSE R

Adventures of the Mind: The Memoirs of Natalie Clifford Barney TRANSLATED B Y J O H N SPALDIN G GATTO N WITH A N INTRODUCTIO N B Y KARL A JA Y

Faint It Today BY H . D . (HILD A DOOLITTLE ) EDITED AN D WIT H A N INTRODUCTIO N B Y CASSANDRA LAIT Y

(Sem)Erotics: Theorizing Lesbian : Writing BY ELIZABET H A . MEES E

The Search for a Woman-Centered Spirituality BY ANNETT E J . VA N DYK E

/ Know My Own Heart: The Diaries of Anne Lister, 1791-1840 EDITED B Y HELEN A WHITBREA D

No Priest But Love: The Diaries of Anne Lister, 1824—1826 EDITED B Y HELEN A WHITBREA D

Lover BY BERTH A HARRI S

Changing Our Minds: Lesbian Feminism and Psychology BY CELI A KITZINGE R AN D RACHE L PERKIN S

Elizabeth Bowen: A Reputation in Writing BY RENE E C . HOOGLAN D

Sophia Parnok: The Life and Work of Russia's Sappho BY DIAN A LEWI S BURGI N

The C u t t i n g E d g e : L e s b i a n Lif e an d L i t e r a t u r e Series Editor:

Karl

a

Jay

PROFESSOR O F ENGLIS H AN D WOMEN' S STUDIE

S

PACE U N I V E R S I T Y EDITORIAL BOAR

D

Judith Butle r Humanities Cente r The Johns Hopkin s Universit y Blanche Wiese n Coo k History an d Women' s Studie s John Ja y Colleg e an d City Universit y o f Ne w Yor k Graduate Cente r Diane Griffi n Crowde r French an d Women' s Studie s Cornell Colleg e Joanne Glasgo w English an d Women' s Studie s Bergen Communit y Colleg e Marny Hal l Psychotherapist an d Write r Celia Kitzinge r Social Science s Loughborough University , U.K . Jane Marcu s English an d Women' s Studie s City Universit y o f Ne w Yor k Graduate Cente r

Biddy Marti n German an d Women' s Studie s Cornell Universit y Elizabeth Mees e English University o f Alabam a Esther Newto n Anthropology State Universit y o f Ne w Yor k Purchase Terri d e l a Peri a Novelist/Short Stor y Write r Ruthann Robso n Writer Law Schoo l a t Queen s Colleg e City Universit y o f Ne w Yor k Ann Alle n Shockle y Librarian Fisk Universit y Elizabeth Woo d Lesbian an d Ga y Studie s Sarah Lawrenc e Colleg e Bonnie Zimmerma n Women's Studie s San Dieg o Stat e Universit y

SOPHIA PARNO K The Life and Work Russia's Sappho

of

D I A N A LEWI S B U R G I N

New York University

Press

New York and London

NEW YOR K UNIVERSIT Y PRES New Yor k an d Londo n

S

Copyright © 199 4 b y New Yor k Universit y All rights reserve d Library o f Congres s Cataloging-in-Publicatio n Dat a Burgin, Diana Lewis . Sophia Parno k : the life an d wor k o f Russia' s Sapph o / Diana Lewi s Burgin. p. cm . — (Cuttin g edg e : lesbian lif e an d literature ) Includes bibliographica l reference s an d index . ISBN 0-8147-1190-1 (clot h : alk. paper). — ISBN 0-8147-1221- 5 (pbk.) 1. Parnok , Sofia—Criticis m an d interpretation . 2 . Lesbians ' writings, Russian—Histor y an d criticism . 3 . Lesbianis m i n literature—History—20th century . 4. Wome n i n literature — History—20th century . 5 . Lesbians—Russia—Intellectua l life . I. Title . II. Series : Cutting edg e (Ne w York , N.Y. ) PG3476.P25915Z59 199 4 89i.7i'42—dc20 94-126 6 CIP New Yor k Universit y Pres s books ar e printed o n acid-fre e paper , and thei r bindin g material s ar e chosen fo r strengt h an d durability . Manufactured i n th e United State s of Americ a 10

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To the memory of

Sophia Parnok

Contents

Foreword xii

i

Acknowledgments xi

x

Author's Not e xxii

i

Introduction i i. "Tha t Marvelou s Femal e Tenderness . . . " 1

5

2. "Lov e Summon s Me , and I Won't Contradic t He r . . ." 4

4

3. "Oh , Steal Me Awa y fro m M y Deat h . . ." 8

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4. "There' s N o Wa y Back , fo r You , Me, or U s . .. " 13

9

5. "Whil e M y Othe r Sel f Roam s i n the Wilds . . ." 19

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6. "Int o th e Darknes s . . . the Secret Drawer!" 24

1

7. "Hello , My Love ! My Grey-Haire d Eve! " 27

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Epilogue 3°

7

Appendix 3

11

Notes 3

X

3

xi

Xll CONTENT

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Bibliography 34

1

Index O f Firs t Line s of Poem s by Parnok 34

5

Index 35

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All illustrations appea r a s a group followin g pag e 134 .

Foreword

Despite the efforts o f lesbia n an d feminis t publishin g houses an d a fe w universit y presses , th e bul k o f th e mos t importan t lesbia n works has traditionally bee n availabl e only fro m rar e boo k dealers , in a fe w universit y libraries , o r i n ga y an d lesbia n archives . Thi s series intends, in the first place, to mak e representativ e example s of this neglecte d an d insufficientl y know n literatur e availabl e t o a broader audienc e b y reissuin g selecte d classic s an d b y puttin g int o print fo r th e first tim e lesbia n novels , diaries, letters, an d memoir s that ar e o f specia l interes t an d significance , bu t whic h hav e mold ered i n librarie s an d privat e collection s fo r decade s o r eve n fo r centuries, know n onl y t o th e fe w scholar s wh o ha d th e courag e and financial wherewitha l t o trac k the m down . Their name s hav e bee n know n fo r a lon g time—Sappho , th e Amazons o f North Africa , th e Beguines, Aphra Behn, Queen Chris tina, Emil y Dickinson , th e Ladie s o f Llangollen , Radclyff e Hall , Natalie Cliffor d Barney , H . D. , an d s o man y other s fro m ever y nation, race , an d era . Bu t governmen t an d religiou s official s burned thei r writings , historian s an d literar y scholar s denie d the y were lesbians , powerfu l me n kep t thei r book s ou t o f print , an d influential archivist s locke d u p thei r idea s fa r fro m sympatheti c eyes. Ye t som e dedicate d scholar s an d reader s stil l kne w wh o the y Xlll

XIV FOREWOR

D

were, mad e pilgrimage s t o th e citie s an d village s wher e the y ha d lived an d t o th e graveyard s wher e the y rested . They passe d aroun d tattered volume s o f letters , diaries , an d biographies , i n whic h the y had underline d wha t seeme d t o b e telltal e hint s o f a secre t o r different kin d o f life . Wher e n o har d fact s existed , legend s wer e invented. Th e fe w preciou s an d ofte n availabl e pre-Stonewal l les bian classics , suc h a s The Well of Loneliness b y Radclyff e Hall , The Price of Salt b y Clair e Morga n [Patrici a Highsmith] , an d Desert of the Heart b y Jan Rule , were cherished . Lesbia n pul p wa s devoured. On e o f th e primar y goal s o f thi s serie s i s t o giv e th e more neglecte d works , whic h constitut e th e vas t majorit y o f les bian writing , the attentio n the y deserve . A secon d bu t n o les s importan t ai m o f thi s serie s i s t o presen t the "cuttin g edge " of contemporar y lesbia n scholarshi p an d theor y across a wid e rang e o f disciplines . Practitioner s o f lesbia n studie s have no t adopte d a unifor m approac h t o literar y theory , history , sociology, o r an y othe r discipline , no r shoul d they . Thi s serie s intends t o presen t a n arra y o f voice s that trul y reflec t th e diversit y of th e lesbia n community . T o hel p m e i n thi s task , I a m luck y enough t o b e assiste d b y a distinguishe d editoria l boar d tha t re flects various professional , class , racial, ethnic , an d religiou s back grounds a s well a s a spectrum o f interest s an d sexua l preferences . At presen t th e field o f lesbia n studie s occupie s a small , precari ous, an d somewha t conteste d pied-a-terr e betwee n ga y studie s an d women's studies . The forme r i s still i n it s infancy, especiall y i f on e compares i t t o othe r discipline s tha t hav e bee n par t o f th e cor e curriculum o f ever y chil d an d adolescen t fo r severa l decade s o r even centuries . However , althoug h i t i s on e o f th e newes t disci plines, gay studie s ma y als o b e the fastes t growin g one—a t leas t in North America . Lesbian , gay , an d bisexua l studie s conference s ar e doubling an d triplin g their attendance . Althoug h onl y a handful o f degree-granting program s currentl y exist , tha t numbe r i s als o ap t to multipl y quickl y durin g the next decade . In comparison , women' s studie s i s a well-establishe d an d bur -

FOREWORD X

V

geoning disciplin e wit h hundred s o f minors , majors , an d graduat e programs throughou t th e Unite d States . Lesbian studie s occupie s a peripheral plac e i n th e discours e i n suc h programs , characteristi cally restricte d t o on e lesbian-centere d course , usuall y literar y o r historical i n nature . In th e man y women' s studie s serie s tha t ar e now offere d b y university presses , generally onl y one or tw o book s on a lesbia n subjec t o r issu e ar e included , an d lesbia n voice s ar e restricted t o writin g o n thos e topic s considere d o f specia l interes t to gay people. We are not calle d upon t o offer opinion s o n mother hood, war , education , o r o n th e lives of women no t publicly identi fied as lesbians. As a result, lesbia n experienc e i s too ofte n margin alized an d restricted . In contrast , thi s serie s wil l prioritize , centralize , an d celebrat e lesbian vision s o f literature , art , philosophy , love , religion , ethics , history, an d a myria d o f othe r topics . I n "Th e Cuttin g Edge, " readers ca n find authoritativ e version s o f importan t lesbia n text s that hav e bee n carefull y prepare d an d introduce d b y scholars . Readers ca n als o find th e wor k o f academic s an d independen t scholars wh o writ e abou t othe r aspect s o f lif e fro m a distinctl y lesbian viewpoint. Thes e visions ar e not onl y various but intention ally contradictory , fo r lesbian s spea k fro m differin g class , racial , ethnic, an d religiou s perspectives . Eac h autho r als o speak s fro m and abou t a certai n momen t o f time , an d fe w woul d argu e tha t being a lesbia n toda y i s th e sam e a s i t wa s fo r Sapph o o r Ann e Lister. Thu s n o attemp t ha s bee n mad e t o homogeniz e tha t diver sity, an d n o agend a exist s t o attemp t t o carv e ou t a "politicall y correct" lesbia n studie s perspective a t thi s junctur e i n histor y o r t o pinpoint th e "real " lesbians in history. It seems more important fo r all th e voice s t o b e hear d befor e thos e wit h th e blessing s o f aftersight la y th e mantl e o f authenticit y o n an y on e visio n o f th e world, o r o n an y particular se t of women . What eac h wor k i n this series does share, however, i s a commo n realization tha t ga y women ar e the "Other " an d tha t one' s percep tion o f cultur e an d literatur e i s filtered b y sexua l behavior s an d

XVI FOREWOR

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preferences. Thos e perception s ar e no t th e sam e a s thos e o f ga y men o r o f nonga y women , whethe r th e writer s spea k o f ga y o r feminist issue s o r whethe r th e writer s choos e t o loo k a t nonga y figures from a lesbian perspective. The role of this series is to creat e space an d giv e a voic e t o thos e intereste d i n lesbia n studies . Thi s series speak s t o an y perso n wh o i s intereste d i n gende r studies , literary criticism , biography , o r importan t literar y works , whethe r she o r h e i s a student , professor , o r seriou s reader , fo r th e serie s is neither fo r lesbian s onl y no r eve n b y lesbian s only . Instead , "Th e Cutting Edge " attempt s t o shar e som e o f th e bes t o f lesbia n litera ture an d lesbia n studie s wit h anyon e willin g t o loo k a t th e worl d through lesbians ' eyes . The serie s is proactive i n tha t i t will help t o formulate an d foregroun d th e ver y disciplin e o n whic h i t focuses . Finally, thi s serie s ha s answere d th e cal l t o mak e lesbia n theory , lesbian experience , lesbia n lives , lesbia n literature , an d lesbia n vi sions th e hear t an d nucleus , th e weight y plane t aroun d whic h fo r once othe r viewpoint s wil l swir l a s moon s t o ou r earth . W e invit e readers o f al l persuasion s t o joi n u s b y venturin g int o thi s an d other book s i n the series. Sophia Parno k i s on e o f man y "los t lesbians. " Despit e he r ar dent Sapphi c poetry , whic h wa s admire d b y her contemporarie s i n the Sovie t Union, an d he r equall y passionat e lov e life, she has bee n unknown t o thos e o f u s who coul d no t rea d he r poems i n Russian , and eve n thos e wh o woul d hav e a difficul t tim e finding he r wor k in mos t anthologies . However , a quarte r o f a centur y afte r Stone wall, w e ar e fortunat e enoug h t o b e abl e t o expan d ou r horizon s beyond ou r foremother s i n Nort h Americ a an d wester n Europe , beyond Radclyff e Hall , Gertrud e Stein , Virgini a Woolf , Djun a Barnes, H . D. , an d Audr e Lorde . Thos e o f u s whos e nativ e lan guage is English or who read primarily i n English have been greatl y limited t o translation s o f thos e th e academie s o r th e mainstrea m publishing establishment s dee m worth y o f ou r consideration . An d the farthe r w e roa m fro m th e cor e o f "Wester n Civilization, " th e fewer ou r link s wit h ou r lesbia n sister s become . I t i s a s i f w e hav e

FOREWORD XV1

1

been give n th e Pleiade s instea d o f th e Milk y Way . Dian a Burgin' s diligent researc h ha s uncovere d th e lif e an d wor k o f Sophi a Par nok, a brillian t Russia n poet , whos e voic e wil l finally reverberat e beyond he r nativ e land . KARLA JA Y

Pace University

Acknowledgments

Several peopl e hav e give n m e hel p an d suppor t i n realizin g thi s book, th e result o f si x years' researc h an d writing . First of all , I am deeply an d foreve r gratefu l t o Karl a Ja y fo r encouragin g m e t o send m y prospectu s t o Ne w Yor k Universit y Pres s an d t o Nik o Pfund fo r takin g a chanc e o n Parno k an d agreein g t o publis h m y book. I als o appreciate d bot h Karla' s an d Niko' s suggestion s fo r revising the manuscript . The Universit y o f Massachusett s a t Boston , wher e I a m o n th e faculty, supporte d m y researc h i n it s initia l stage s wit h a facult y development gran t fo r trave l t o th e Sovie t Union i n August 1987. 1 would als o lik e t o than k Loui s Esposito , Actin g Dea n o f th e Col lege o f Art s an d Sciences , fo r grantin g m e a cours e loa d reductio n during th e sprin g semeste r 1993 , whic h enable d m e t o complet e the writing an d revision s o f th e book . Part o f th e researc h fo r thi s boo k wa s don e whe n I wa s a n IREX/ACLS exchang e schola r i n Leningra d unde r th e auspice s o f the Sovie t Academy o f Science s (1988-89) . I am especiall y gratefu l for th e assistanc e give n m e b y th e archivist s i n th e Leningra d Institute o f Theater , Music , an d Cinematography . Whil e i n Len ingrad o n numerou s researc h trip s ove r th e years , I have enjoye d a home awa y fro m hom e i n th e boundles s hospitality , stimulatin g xix

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conversation, an d mora l suppor t o f Sophi a Polyakova , Elizavet a Appelbaum, an d Nadezhd a Rykova . More recently , i n Moscow , th e Tsvetaev a specialis t Len a Kor kina generousl y share d informatio n an d material s fro m he r ar chives wit h m e an d too k m e o n a walkin g tou r o f severa l o f th e neighborhoods wher e Parno k lived . My wor k i n Moscow wa s als o helped b y Taryan a Zhukovskaya , wh o allowe d m e t o rea d an d copy severa l letter s i n th e archive s o f Eugeni a Gertsyk . M y tw o visits t o Mosco w woul d no t hav e bee n nearl y s o pleasan t an d productive a s they wer e withou t th e hospitality an d motherl y min istrations o f m y recently discovere d "aunt, " Natash a Gribova . Major change s hav e take n plac e i n m y lif e an d scholarl y inter ests a s a result o f m y wor k o n Parnok . Bringin g thi s boo k int o th e world ha s no t alway s bee n easy , an d I woul d lik e t o than k my mother, Rut h Possel t Burgin , fo r he r lov e an d support , an d espe cially for believin g in my courage . Pamela Gor e ha s m y specia l an d everlastin g gratitud e no t onl y for he r patien t an d carefu l wor d processin g o f m y manuscrip t i n all it s seemingl y endles s an d ofte n impossible-to-rea d redactions , but fo r he r steadfas t mora l suppor t an d lovin g interest i n m y boo k and i n Parnok . Katherine O'Conno r ha s bee n wit h m e through al l the intensit y and jo y o f th e "Parno k years, " a distinct period i n our lon g friend ship. I shal l alway s b e gratefu l fo r he r love , goo d advice , an d insights int o Parnok' s poem s tha t hav e enriche d thi s book , an d especially fo r he r uniqu e habi t o f listening, n o matte r ho w craze d my rantings . This boo k woul d hardl y hav e bee n possibl e withou t th e inspir ing scholarship , persona l encouragemen t an d generosit y o f Sophi a Polyakova, who m I di d no t kno w whe n I "discovered " Parnok , but who m I was fortunat e soo n t o hav e a s a colleagu e an d a dea r dear frien d fo r severa l years . Sophi a Viktorovn a die d afte r a lon g illness, on Apri l 30 , 1994 , just a s this book wa s going to press.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS XX

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Finally, I owe special thanks to Utyeshka, who listened doggedl y and devotedl y t o ever y pag e o f thi s boo k i n a t leas t fou r differen t versions. Sh e seem s t o lik e Parnok' s poems ; the y dispos e he r t o tranquility an d inspir e dreams .

Author's Not

e

There ar e variou s matter s relatin g t o th e differen t form s o f Parnok's las t nam e a s I us e the m i n thi s book , th e transliteratio n systems I employ , m y translation s o f Parnok' s poems , an d th e book's title , which requir e som e clarificatio n and/o r explanation . Upon th e publicatio n o f he r first poe m i n lat e 1906 , Parno k changed he r birt h name , P^rnokh . Sh e replace d th e final letter , kh (designated i n th e Cyrilli c alphabe t b y th e lette r x), wit h th e lette r k. I discuss th e possibl e significance s o f th e poet' s nam e chang e i n chapter 2 . I t represente d a chang e o f identity , a wa y o f separatin g her publishe d sel f fro m he r prepublishe d self . In a n effor t t o mak e readers awar e o f thi s importan t chang e i n m y subject' s destiny , I refer t o he r generall y b y he r birt h name , Parnokh , i n th e lif e contexts o f he r prepseudony m period , i.e. , i n chapte r 1 an d th e beginning o f chapte r 2 . Eve n i n thes e earl y chapter s I occasionall y call he r Parnok , however , wheneve r th e contex t concern s th e poe t in general , rathe r tha n th e young , prepublishe d poe t i n particular . Perhaps i t would als o b e helpful t o reader s t o kno w tha t th e nam e Parnokh i s stresse d o n th e first syllable . Russian s woul d (an d do ) naturally stres s th e first syllabl e of th e nam e Parnok , too ; the poet , however, accente d th e las t syllabl e o f he r chose n name , pro nouncing i t Vamok. He r idiosyncrati c accentuatio n o f he r "ow n xxin

xxiv AUTHOR'

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name" (a s sh e considere d i t t o be ) give s i t a Frenc h soun d t o a Russian ear . Finally , t o ad d t o thi s confusio n o f names , Parnok' s brother change d hi s birt h nam e also . H e i s referred t o throughou t the boo k b y his pen name , Ptfrnakh (stresse d o n th e first syllable). For th e transliteration o f Russia n name s (an d occasiona l words ) in thi s book , I us e essentiall y th e syste m approve d b y th e U.S . Board o n Geographi c Names , whic h come s closes t t o popula r usage. I have mad e severa l exception s t o this system, however, an d would lik e t o explai n the m here . In orde r no t t o burde n An glophone reader s wit h th e presenc e o f apparentl y meaningles s apostrophes (') , I have not transliterate d th e so-called sof t sig n tha t indicates palatalization o f the consonant tha t come s before it . With regard t o th e spellin g o f iotize d vowel s an d th e i kratkoe i n som e place name s an d surnames , I hav e use d th e Librar y o f Congres s system whereve r tha t transliteratio n i s now th e mor e commo n on e in Englis h languag e publications , car d catalogs , dictionarie s an d the like. (I also use the Library o f Congres s syste m i n the bibliogra phy.) Thus , I us e Dniep r (rathe r tha n Dnepr ) fo r th e rive r an d place name s derive d fro m it ; Bolsho i (rathe r tha n Bolshoy ) fo r th e Moscow theater . I have transliterate d Russia n surname s endin g i n the suffi x "skiy'7"skii " wit h th e commonl y accepte d an d fa r les s alienating "sky, " e.g . Dostoevsky , Vazlinsky , Nikitinsky , etc . Fo r similar reason s I transliterate d th e non-Russia n surname s o f Par nok's husban d an d tw o composer-colleague s a s Volkenshtein , Shteinberg, an d Veisber g (rathe r tha n Volkenshteyn , Shteynberg , and Veysberg) . Sinc e Parno k use s th e surnam e o f he r las t lover , Vedeneyeva i n a poem , I have inserte d a "y " betwee n th e las t tw o "e's" in order t o make the sound an d syllabi c structure of the nam e clearer fro m th e way i t is spelled. Finally, the cities of Mosco w an d St. Petersbur g ar e give n i n thei r anglicize d for m a s ar e som e Rus sian first names , e.g. , Sophia , Alexander , Eugenia , Eudoxia , an d Nicholas II. One o f m y cherishe d aim s i n writin g thi s boo k i s t o acquain t Anglophone reader s wit h Parnok' s poems . Th e ninety-od d lyric s

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that appea r her e i n thei r entiret y represen t th e first Englis h vers e translations o f roughl y a quarte r o f Parnok' s extan t poeti c "pro duce," a s sh e calle d he r lyric s i n a lat e poem . M y translation s attempt t o b e as literal rendering s o f th e original s a s possible whil e still bein g Englis h poems , rathe r tha n poeti c prose . In almos t al l cases I hav e retaine d th e metrica l pattern s o f th e origina l poems . Each translatio n als o strive s t o conve y somethin g o f th e origina l poem's rhyth m althoug h th e irreconcilabl e differences betwee n th e music of Russia n an d Englis h hav e to o often , I fear, mad e th e goa l impossible t o achieve . T o my grea t regret , I hav e bee n unabl e t o provide muc h o f a sens e o f Parnok' s ofte n brillian t us e o f soun d and he r frequentl y innovativ e an d origina l rhymes . I sacrificed he r rhymes mainl y i n th e interest s o f accuracy , bu t als o i n a n effor t t o avoid th e singsong , doggere l effec t tha t rhymin g tend s t o hav e i n modern Englis h poetr y wher e rhym e ha s lon g sinc e gon e ou t o f fashion. Avoidin g rhym e altogethe r seeme d to o grea t a sacrifice , however, especiall y i n vie w o f th e prosaic , colloquia l dictio n o f Parnok's bes t poems . I hav e therefor e mad e us e o f assonances , imperfect rhyme s (characteristi c o f man y o f Parnok' s lat e poems) , and eve n som e old-fashione d perfec t ones , s o lon g a s the y wer e unforced an d di d no t interfer e wit h accurac y an d norma l poeti c syntax. Readers wh o hav e rea d o r wil l rea d th e origina l o f th e poem s I have translate d i n th e 197 9 Ardi s editio n o f Parnok' s Collected Poems, th e onl y editio n o f he r lyric s s o fa r available , ma y notic e words, phrases , an d eve n whol e line s i n som e o f m y translation s that appea r t o beli e m y claim s fo r thei r accuracy . Unfortunately , many o f th e text s i n th e Ardi s editio n contai n errors . I hav e cor rected an y error s i n th e printe d text s o f th e Russia n poem s I hav e translated. A lis t o f thes e correction s i s provide d i n th e appendix . Parnok's poem s provid e th e bes t testimon y t o th e evolutio n o f her creativity , whic h constitute s th e centra l focu s o f thi s literar y life. Th e poet' s lon g searc h fo r he r nativ e (lesbian ) inspiration , fo r her muse , an d he r complex , ofte n ambivalen t relationshi p wit h he r

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creative sel f sugges t t o m e tha t fo r muc h o f he r lif e sh e wa s a s i f "musebound" ( a wor d o f m y ow n coinag e tha t I ha d originall y suggested fo r th e titl e o f thi s book) . Th e poe t i n Parno k wa s musebound i n th e sam e wa y a s th e orphane d stepdaughte r i n he r could b e sai d t o b e homewar d bound . A t th e sam e time , i n he r relationship wit h he r mus e Parnok bot h desired , an d chafe d at , th e bonds o f love . Those bond s were simila r t o the "religiou s fetter s o f love" that sh e "did no t endeavo r t o break " i n her mos t intens e an d creatively significan t lov e relationships . Parnok' s uniqu e "muse bounded-ness," th e simultaneou s strivin g towar d an d fusio n o f life, love , an d lyri c i n he r creativ e journey , constitute s on e im portant reaso n wh y sh e deserve s th e epithet , Russia' s Sappho . I n the pages to come , readers may , I hope, discover others .

Introduction The biography o f a poet i s found i n what happen s t o thos e who rea d [her].—Boris Pasternak

The firs t though t o f man y prospectiv e reader s o f thi s biograph y will probabl y be : "Wh o i s Sophi a Parnok? " Th e simples t answe r explains wh y th e question arise s an d wh y thi s boo k exists . Sophia Parno k i s a Russia n poe t an d th e onl y openl y lesbia n voice in Russia n poetry . From th e standpoin t o f he r traditiona l Russia n poeti c family , Parnok wa s a n outside r an d a "fai r stranger." 1 Fro m he r ow n perspective, however , sh e was a n insider , th e possesso r o f esoteric , elemental knowledge . Sh e believe d tha t communicatin g tha t knowledge throug h he r lyrics , "from on e soul straight int o anothe r soul," had th e power t o bin d an d unbin d spells . In he r poems , Parno k ofte n locate d he r poeti c speake r i n th e space b y a windo w fro m whic h sh e looke d ou t o n a worl d that , natural o r urban , unpeople d o r crowded , happ y o r sad , goo d o r evil, was alway s apar t fro m her , an d yet , a part o f her . During her lifetim e Parno k publishe d fiv e volumes of poetry an d a substantia l bod y o f literar y criticism , an d sh e authore d th e li bretti o f severa l operas , on e o f whic h ha d a majo r succes s i n its firs t productio n a t th e Bolsho i Theate r i n Mosco w i n 1930 . 1

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Nevertheless, at the time of her death thre e years later, few Russia n readers ha d hear d o f her . We owe the rediscovery o f Sophi a Parno k t o the labor, love, and courage o f Sophi a Polyakova , a Russia n philologis t an d forme r professor o f classic s a t Leningra d Stat e University . Polyakova' s edition o f Parnok' s Collected Poems, supplie d wit h a monograph length biographica l an d critica l introduction , a s wel l a s extensiv e notes (al l i n Russian) , appeare d i n th e Wes t fro m Ardi s Publisher s in 1979 . Thirteen year s hav e passe d sinc e it s appearance ; ye t th e "invisi ble poet" status , which Parno k hersel f realize d ha d devolve d upo n her b y 1927 , continue s i n effect . Man y Russia n poetr y lovers , an d even som e Slavi c specialists , ar e stil l onl y vaguel y familia r wit h who Parno k is , o r hav e no t rea d he r work . Despit e he r uniqu e contribution t o moder n Russia n lyricism , n o specialist s beside s Polyakova (i n Russian ) an d mysel f (i n English ) hav e studie d Par nok's poetr y i n a systematic way . Large portion s o f Parnok' s lif e als o remai n sun k i n obscurity . The reason s fo r he r persisten t invisibilit y a s a poe t an d a perso n are varied an d instructive . First, ther e i s the natura l opacit y o f an y huma n life , especiall y a female life , mor e especially , a lesbia n life , an d perhap s mos t espe cially, a Russian lesbia n life . Second, ther e i s th e wa y Parno k lived . Thoug h brough t u p i n relative affluenc e i n a Victorian professiona l home , a s a n adul t sh e rebelled agains t settled , "bourgeois " existence , whic h constraine d her creativit y an d oppresse d he r spirit , a s i t ha s man y Russia n poets. A n intens e wanderlus t periodicall y overcam e her , an d fo r most o f he r shor t life , sh e live d lik e a declasse , Dostoevskia n intellectual. Fro m 190 9 unti l 193 2 sh e change d he r addres s i n Moscow alon e seventee n times . In he r wandering , Parno k travele d light . Sh e save d littl e i n th e way o f letter s an d persona l memorabilia . Th e lif e sh e wishe d t o have remembere d wa s th e lif e sh e wrot e int o he r largel y autobio -

INTRODUCTION 3

graphical poems . Bu t sh e wa s no t particularl y carefu l abou t he r manuscripts either . Al l o f he r pros e works , includin g a novella sh e worked o n fo r mor e tha n a year , hav e bee n lost , an d i t i s ver y likely that a number o f he r poems me t the sam e fate . Third, ther e i s th e scarcit y o f memoiristi c source s fo r Parnok' s biography, a ga p tha t i s explained, i n vie w o f he r larg e numbe r o f devoted, creativ e friends , b y her gende r an d statu s i n her hierarchi cal an d sexis t poeti c culture . Russi a love s he r poets , bu t sh e love s her poe t son s mor e tha n he r poe t daughters . In th e mind s an d hearts o f mos t Russians , includin g memoirist s o f eithe r sex , mal e genius outrank s femal e geniu s i n interes t an d importance ; mal e excellence, strength, an d eve n mediocrity consistentl y ar e preferre d to femal e excellenc e an d strength . As i n othe r poeti c landscapes , s o i n th e Russian : genius , innat e or i n clos e proximity, help s one' s posthumou s fame . I t is therefor e not surprising , bu t rathe r ironic , considering th e homophobia ram pant i n Russia n culture , tha t th e best-know n perio d o f Parnok' s life i s th e eightee n month s o f he r lov e affai r wit h Marin a Tsvet aeva, wh o i s justifiably considere d on e o f th e fou r greates t twenti eth-century Russia n poets . T o th e degre e tha t Parno k i s remem bered i n Russia n poetr y an d criticism , sh e exist s a s Tsvetaeva' s lover who als o happened t o b e a poet. 2 Now tha t publishin g restriction s i n Russi a hav e disappeared , some selection s o f Parnok' s poem s hav e recentl y appeare d i n liter ary journals. 3 Th e brie f introduction s t o he r wor k tha t commonl y accompany thes e publication s focu s o n Parnok' s literar y relation s with famou s mal e poets . Th e poet' s lesbia n preference , no t t o mention it s centrality to her creativity, is never mentioned (a t most , there ma y b e a n allusio n t o he r "complicate d friendship " wit h Tsvetaeva), and the poems of hers that ar e chosen for republicatio n are invariably "lesbian-free, " a t leas t when rea d ou t o f th e contex t of th e life stor y tha t he r opu s tell s in its entirety . Thus, th e fourt h and , i n m y opinion , mos t profoun d reaso n fo r the semiobscurit y tha t envelope d Parnok' s lif e an d continue s t o

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hamper th e recognitio n an d acceptanc e o f he r poetr y i s the univer sal diseas e o f homophobia , mor e specifically , fea r o f lesbians . On e example fro m th e time of Parnok' s girlhoo d shoul d suffice . On Decembe r 6 , 1 8 9 5 , t n e grea t write r Anto n Chekhov , whos e stories hav e gaine d hi m a reputatio n th e worl d ove r fo r human e attitudes, wrot e t o hi s friend , th e publishe r Suvorin : "Th e weathe r in Mosco w i s good, there' s n o cholera , there' s als o n o lesbia n lov e . . . Brrr! ! Rememberin g thos e person s o f who m yo u writ e m e makes m e nauseou s a s i f I' d eate n a rotte n sardine . Mosco w doesn't hav e them—and that' s marvelous." 4 How muc h acceptanc e i s a poe t goin g t o hav e amon g reader s who fee l "nauseated " b y th e emotiona l and , I would argue , spiri tual content s an d perspectiv e o f he r poems ? Mor e important , ho w is a lesbia n poe t i n tha t cultur e goin g t o find th e courag e an d th e words t o expres s herself, knowin g he r readers ' fastidiou s horro r a t the word "lesbian " an d lov e called "lesbia n love" ? It i s no t th e gap s i n Parnok' s biograph y o r th e slimnes s o f he r extant oeuvr e tha t shoul d surpris e us , bu t th e fac t tha t s o much o f her biograph y an d s o man y o f he r poem s exis t a t all . Parnok' s opus i n it s extan t entiret y expresse s th e evolutio n o f he r though t about an d he r relationshi p wit h life . Sh e wrote he r rea l (inner ) lif e in he r lyric s an d believe d tha t thei r primar y functio n wa s th e communication o f tha t life's spiritua l existence . In thi s respec t Parnok's creativit y seeme d t o anticipat e th e autobiographical , truth-telling poem s o f America n twentieth-centur y wome n poet s like Adrienn e Rich , Maxin e Kumin , Ann e Sexton , an d other s o f that generation. 5 In writing poetr y abou t he r rea l life , Parno k engage d i n a strug gle of becomin g her self. It resembled th e creative struggles of othe r women writer s o f he r generatio n i n wester n cultures , bu t i t wa s also unique . Lik e al l poets, she had t o find he r ow n voice , her ow n words, an d lik e al l wome n writers , sh e ha d t o grappl e wit h th e reality tha t th e culturall y accepte d an d revere d wor d mor e re pressed tha n expresse d he r wa y o f thinkin g an d living . Parnok' s

INTRODUCTION 5

awe o f word s wa s s o grea t tha t fo r a tim e i t actuall y impede d he r realization o f he r verba l gift . Sh e wa s painfull y awar e tha t a s a female poe t sh e ha d onl y on e Russia n foremother , th e nineteenth century poe t Karolin a Pavlova , who m sh e acknowledge d i n on e of her poems a s a "glorious great-grandmother. " When Parno k bega n to publish, during the Silver Age of Russia n letters (1893—1917) , wome n poet s wer e emergin g i n larg e num bers. Th e allege d "femaleness " o r "femininity " o f thei r wor k wa s quickly note d b y thei r mal e peer s an d critic s an d jus t a s quickl y turned agains t them . I n 190 9 th e decaden t poet , playwright , an d classical schola r Innokent y Annensk y haile d th e adven t o f Russia n female poet s a s one of th e historic achievement s o f modernis m an d the triump h o f musicalit y i n poetr y ove r intellectualit y an d irony . A mere seve n years later, the poet an d criti c Vladislav Khodasevic h paid Parno k a great complimen t (i n a review o f he r firs t volum e o f poems) b y distinguishing he r manly voic e from wha t he denounce d as the hysterical effusion s o f "ladies ' poets. " The poeti c cultur e o f th e Silve r Ag e thu s encourage d th e so called feminin e principl e i n poetr y (a s defined , o f course , b y men ) while denigratin g mos t femal e poets . I t i s eas y t o understan d wh y serious an d gifte d Russia n wome n poet s o f th e tim e universall y rejected th e ide a o f bein g "poetesses " an d wante d t o b e thought o f as poets first an d femal e poet s last , if at all . In her ow n desir e to b e an ungendere d poe t first an d foremost , Parno k wa s no exception . Nevertheless, sh e neve r hi d o r denie d he r femalenes s i n he r lyrics. He r "wa y o f thinking " an d he r poetr y wer e profoundl y woman-centered an d expresse d th e poet' s lesbia n poin t o f view . I n saying this , I a m no t tryin g t o attribut e contemporary , western , politically correc t (o r incorrect ) attitude s t o a poe t wh o live d i n a time and cultur e differen t fro m our s an d though t abou t he r gender , sexuality, an d creativit y i n her ow n way , an d mor e important , i n a way tha t ca n a t bes t merel y b e surmised . Lik e an y reade r o f Par nok, al l I can hop e t o understan d an d conve y is her presentation o f herself i n her poems an d othe r writings .

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Parnok wa s no t a politica l activist , an d sh e wa s no t a feminis t in the sense that wor d ha d fo r he r generatio n o f Russia n intellectu als. Fro m a youn g age , however , sh e exhibite d spontaneou s feel ings o f alienatio n fro m wha t sh e calle d "patriarcha l virtues. " Sh e also easil y discerne d an d deplore d al l form s o f mal e posturing , condescension, an d smu g authoritativeness . Everythin g indicate s that sh e accepte d he r lesbianis m a s a natura l dispositio n an d tha t her relationship s wit h women , bot h sexua l an d nonsexual , wer e the creativ e an d ultimatel y spiritua l cente r o f he r existence . Parnok ha d t o struggl e t o expres s he r soul' s existenc e lyrically , in par t becaus e neithe r th e languag e tha t sh e love d no r th e poeti c culture i n whic h sh e wrote , fo r al l thei r richness , expressiveness , and arden t aspiratio n t o cal l thing s b y thei r prope r names , ha s a proper (nonpornographic , nonmedical ) nam e fo r wha t sh e was an d what sh e wanted t o write about . She di d eventuall y fin d he r words , bu t jus t a s sh e foun d them , she wa s force d int o poeti c isolatio n b y he r "crue l century " an d it s "warriors," an d thu s becam e totall y inaudibl e i n th e "inn " o f Russian poetr y (t o borro w th e metapho r o f on e o f he r lat e lyrics ) where sh e so wanted he r voice to b e heard . I ha d a sens e o f th e sor t o f inaudibilit y tha t Parno k mus t hav e suffered whe n doin g th e researc h fo r thi s boo k i n Russi a ove r th e past five years . Althoug h my Russia n colleague s hav e bee n gener ous and supportiv e o f my work, the y consider th e poet's lesbianis m neither "interesting " no r "relevant " t o a n investigatio n o f he r poetry. Thi s attitud e als o explain s wh y Polyakova' s informant s i n the seventies—amon g the m som e o f th e poet' s closes t friend s an d even lovers—maintained a studious silence on th e poet's sexuality , and i n som e cases , tried t o distanc e themselve s fro m th e subjec t i n order, evidently , t o avoi d guil t b y association . Lesbianism i s stil l tabo o i n Russia n scholarl y an d critica l dis course. Th e tabo o i s rationalize d a s respec t fo r a poet' s privac y and statu s a s a serious poet, even while it reinforces he r inaudibilit y and invisibility . Painfu l a s i t is , I must confron t th e possibilit y tha t

INTRODUCTION J

Parnok hersel f migh t hav e share d he r compatriots ' discomfitur e over wha t the y would/wil l sometime s conside r th e "to o personal, " western, an d "sexological " natur e o f my approac h t o he r work . On th e othe r hand , I remin d mysel f tha t Parno k wa s no t clos eted. Moreover , sh e consciousl y nurture d he r "mutinous " creativ e spirit. I n on e earl y poe m sh e wrote tha t sh e "wante d t o shout , bu t did no t dar e to, " an d i n a late r one , sh e acknowledge d th e enor mous cos t o f havin g acquire d th e boldnes s t o shout . B y middle ag e she knew wh o an d wha t th e "Chimera " wa s tha t ha d "stifle d [her ] deep voice, " and , a t th e en d o f he r life , sh e realize d tha t he r voic e was purposefull y ignore d b y he r peer s becaus e i t "dare d t o spea k out loud " wha t the y hid eve n fro m themselves . If Parno k wa s prou d o f on e thin g i n he r "unmiraculous " poet' s life, sh e was proud o f he r idiosyncrasy . This meant , a s she wrote i n one lyric , tha t sh e an d he r Mus e rejecte d th e pat h o f "venerabl e male masters" an d wen t thei r ow n way . Theirs ma y have been , sh e conceded, a "narrow" path , an d i t was certainly no t a straight one , but i t had on e inalienable, supreme virtue : i t was their own . Parnok obviousl y an d vocall y too k prid e i n he r difference . Sh e wrote fro m a different perspectiv e i n a new an d different , authenti cally colloquial , poeti c language , an d sh e created , knowingly , a space o f differenc e an d fo r differenc e i n Russia n poetry , th e spac e occupied b y he r an d he r soul . Th e issu e betwee n Parnok' s an d my understanding o f he r verse' s politic s i s purely semantic : my defini tion o f wha t lesbia n mean s is much broade r tha n her s was, and no t at al l pejorative . Wha t I cal l he r lesbia n differenc e i s th e uniqu e personal, emotional , spiritua l existenc e sh e affirme d i n he r poem s without namin g it . Courage marke d he r creativ e deed . Th e Silve r Ag e allegedl y freed Russia n literatur e an d cultur e fro m Victoria n pruder y an d the nineteent h centur y radica l intelligentsia' s subordinatio n o f ar t to socia l issues . Decadenc e an d symbolis m opene d Russia n litera ture t o theme s tha t ha d previousl y bee n considere d inappropriat e to seriou s poetry . Sexualit y an d femal e eroticis m i n particula r

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aroused seriou s philosophical , aesthetic , an d spiritua l interes t an d debate i n Russi a a t thi s time . Artisti c an d intellectua l societ y i n Moscow an d St . Petersbur g eve n expresse d a certai n toleranc e o f the "idiosyncrati c tastes " and "predilections " of its largely closete d homosexual members , especially i f they live d discreetly . Nevertheless, th e Silve r Ag e was n o have n fo r lesbian s eithe r i n life o r i n art . Chekhov' s antilesbia n attitude s wer e probabl y no t that rare , eve n amon g well-educated , liberal-minde d peopl e wh o may have numbered lesbian s among their close friends. Fo r enlight ened Russian s o f th e fin de siecle "lesbian love " signifie d primaril y a medica l o r psychologica l abnormalit y an d sexua l inversion , a n object o f largel y mal e scientifi c desir e an d probing . Fo r old-fash ioned upholder s o f "patriarcha l virtues, " i t wa s a sig n o f mora l degradation associate d overwhelmingl y wit h peasan t an d lower class women. Medica l studie s on lesbianis m linke d i t with prostitu tion, femal e criminality , an d hermaphroditism. 6 Next t o prostitutes , th e Russia n wome n mos t readil y identifie d with lesbianis m were , of course , actresses. The "persons " of who m Suvorin ha d writte n t o Chekhov , elicitin g th e latter' s repulsion , were in fact St . Petersburg actresses . And Chekhov , a s Parnok's lif e amply demonstrates , wa s quit e delude d i n thinkin g tha t Mosco w did no t hav e them . Ye t hi s belie f i n a lesbian-fre e Mosco w i s significant. Nowher e i s the Russians ' oft-note d prid e i n thei r inno cence an d simple-heartednes s mor e eviden t tha n i n thei r insistenc e that "diseases " lik e lesbianis m ar e foreig n i n origi n an d canno t thrive i n rea l Russia n place s suc h a s th e mothe r city , Moscow . Petersburg, o n th e othe r hand , ha s alway s bee n perceive d a s a n imported, foreig n environment , a western-styl e si n city , hence , it s vulnerability t o plagues o f choler a an d lesbia n love . Parnok foun d plent y o f lesbia n activit y i n Moscow' s so-calle d low lif e an d i n it s so-calle d intellectua l hig h lif e wher e i t thrive d under a n assume d name , o r n o name . On e o f th e mos t pleasan t aspects o f researchin g her lif e ha s bee n discoverin g just how unfor eign lesbian s hav e bee n an d ar e i n Russi a an d Russia n culture —

INTRODUCTION 9

not tha t suc h a discover y wa s a t al l unpredictable . Bu t confirma tion o f one' s inne r knowledg e i s always sweet . Parnok, then , must have lived with th e inner knowledge tha t sh e was no t alone . Fa r fro m resentin g thos e o f he r intimate s an d friends wh o woul d o r coul d no t acknowledg e thei r differenc e openly a s sh e did , sh e probabl y too k prid e i n knowin g wha t wa s not commo n knowledge , o r knowin g fo r certai n wha t wa s gener ally only suspected . Where sh e di d suffe r a desperat e sens e o f alonenes s wa s i n he r poetic life . Eve n i n th e liberalize d atmospher e o f th e Silve r Age , i t was unthinkabl e t o publis h lesbia n poetr y withou t som e mas k fo r its variant contents , such a s a male lyrical speake r o r a convention alized, decaden t styl e that rendere d th e lesbia n bod y an d it s desire s aesthetically acceptable , i f bookish . Bot h tactic s significantl y rein forced prevailin g fin de siecle medical , social , an d literar y stereo types o f lesbian s a s damne d soul s and/o r wome n wh o define d themselves b y the "abnormal " desir e to b e men. Whether a lesbia n poet o f th e tim e hersel f believe d on e o r th e othe r o f thes e veritie s merely serve s t o demonstrat e th e inescapabilit y o f internalize d ho mophobia. Parnok's perhap s unconsciou s proces s o f liberatin g hersel f fro m internalized homophobi a constitute s on e o f th e mos t interestin g and importan t aspect s o f he r creativ e developmen t a s charte d i n this book . Earl y o n sh e realized tha t i f sh e wrote abou t he r lesbia n experience i n th e decaden t styl e tha t wa s favore d b y he r time s bu t alien t o he r "life-creating " poems , sh e would betra y herself . Bu t if she wrot e abou t femal e same-se x lov e authentically , i n he r ow n prosaic, colloquia l style , sh e feare d destroyin g wha t sh e hersel f initially accepte d a s th e standard s o f goo d tast e i n art . A s a youn g poet sh e consequentl y ofte n fel t paralyze d b y he r inabilit y t o find her words, especially i n her lov e lyrics. Gradually, sh e becam e awar e o f th e hug e ga p betwee n th e po etic traditio n availabl e t o he r a s a reade r an d tha t availabl e t o he r as a lesbia n writer . Sh e foun d hersel f i n a literar y soil , nativ e an d

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foreign, tha t burgeone d wit h paterna l bloom s bu t lacke d materna l nutrients. Ho w woul d he r gif t eve r flouris h whe n th e onl y foo d i t received perforc e cam e fro m he r self , whose livin g bod y seeme d s o tasteless a t times to he r highl y refine d taste ? Throughout Parnok' s creativ e lif e he r mus e visite d he r inten sively bu t sporadically , s o tha t monsoon s alternate d wit h dr y spells. Mos t o f he r creativ e surge s ca n b e linke d wit h importan t women i n her life, usually lovers, but also platonic intimate friends . To a certai n degre e bein g i n lov e helped Parno k t o write , but sinc e an exces s o f passio n ofte n interfere d wit h he r abilit y t o refin e he r "night verses " i n "th e col d ligh t o f day, " i t would b e more precis e to sa y tha t loving helpe d he r t o write . Th e wellspring s o f he r creativity la y i n he r yearning , he r anguish , an d it s expressio n bot h of passionat e an d nonsexua l lov e o f particula r women , includin g her ow n soul . As Parno k hersel f realized , lik e goo d win e sh e improve d wit h age. On e o f he r las t an d greates t poeti c achievement s wa s th e cycl e of lov e lyrics , "Urs a Major, " tha t sh e dedicate d t o he r las t lover , and calle d i n on e o f th e poem s a "seven-star " o f verses . Th e seven brigh t star s tha t compris e th e constellatio n Urs a Majo r ar e sometimes know n a s th e Seve n Sisters , an d th e constellatio n itsel f was though t t o represen t th e celestia l anima l incarnatio n o f th e goddess Artemi s Callisto , th e Beautifu l She-Bea r an d guardia n o f the pol e star. 7 Seve n wa s als o th e numbe r o f th e goddes s Sophia , whose Christia n symboli c significanc e a s th e femal e Hol y Ghos t Parnok revered—sh e calle d he r give n nam e th e "mos t sacre d o f all names " an d believe d i t wa s wha t ha d summone d he r t o he r creative deed . As i f b y a kin d o f sympatheti c magic , Parnok' s lif e seem s t o divide naturally int o seve n parts, and thi s book ende d u p a "seven star" o f chapters . Sometimes , the natura l break s betwee n star s fee l like great divide s of blac k sky , such a s the unstarred night s of 190 4 (between chapter s 1 and 2 ) and 191 2 (betwee n chapter s 2 and 3) . Other break s ar e rhythmi c an d see m t o mar k th e pause s i n th e

INTRODUCTION I

I

music tha t Parno k live d an d die d to . The y accompan y beginning s or endings , o r thos e unsettlin g syncopation s jus t before somethin g happens. Parno k calle d th e latte r "pre-kiss " moments , an d sh e savored the m a s a person whos e blood , sh e wrote, wa s penetrate d by "th e poiso n o f anticipations. " Suc h syncope s occurre d jus t be fore Parno k an d Tsvetaev a brok e u p (betwee n chapter s 3 an d 4) ; in th e aftermat h o f Parnok' s spiritua l rebirt h i n Suda k an d retur n to Mosco w (betwee n chapter s 4 an d 5) ; just afte r sh e realize d tha t she ha d entere d th e "pola r circle " o f creativ e isolatio n (betwee n chapters 5 an d 6) ; an d jus t befor e he r grea t she-bea r bega n t o illumine the axi s of he r world (betwee n chapter s 6 and 7) . Finally, thi s boo k attempt s t o conve y symbolicall y my belie f that Sophi a Parnok' s sta r wa s th e Sta r o f th e Seve n Sisters . Withi n her emotional , spiritual , an d creativ e univers e sh e mingle d he r radiance wit h seve n companio n star s i n particular . Thei r name s were Nadezhd a (chapter s 1—2) , Lyubo v (chapter s 2—3) , Marin a (chapters 3-5) , Lyudmil a (chapter s 4-7) , Eugeni a (chapter s 4-6) , Olga (chapter s 5-7), an d Nin a (chapte r 7) . Som e o f thes e siste r stars shon e brightl y fo r a specific perio d an d die d out , while other s emitted a steady , continuou s ligh t tha t wa s a t time s stronger , a t times weaker . This lif e o f Parno k i s based b y desig n o n he r ow n retellin g o f i t in he r lyrics . He r poem s shoul d b e rea d a s he r lyrica l autobiogra phy. I hav e arrange d the m i n chronologica l order , a s nearl y a s it ca n b e determined , an d supplemente d the m wit h biographica l information an d interpretiv e comments . Th e resultin g lyric-bio graphical counterpoin t narrate s th e stor y o f ho w Sophi a Parno k created a n existenc e fo r hersel f an d he r lyric s in a poetic taxonom y that kne w n o "beasts " lik e her , an d perhap s wishe d t o remai n ignorant (an d innocent ) o f th e genu s sh e comprised. 8 He r wil l t o outstubborn "patriarcha l virtues " in Russian poetr y ha s resulted i n its permanen t enrichment , an d he r biography , tol d her e i n Englis h for th e first time , ha s bee n an d wil l continu e t o b e foun d i n wha t happens t o thos e who rea d her .

The voice of a book tell s me a lot abou t the fat e o f it s author . E U G E N I A GERTSY K

I.

"That Marvelou

s

F e m a l e T e n d e r n e s s .. . "

At th e tur n o f th e twentiet h century , th e sleepy , whitewashe d southern tow n o f Taganro g o n th e inlan d se a o f Azo v ha d a population o f abou t 61,00 0 inhabitants , th e majorit y o f who m were involve d i n trade an d commerce . A century earlier , Taganro g had bee n a majo r Russia n port , bu t it s economi c importanc e ha d steadily decline d unti l i t ranked onl y tent h i n exports an d eight h i n imports amon g the port citie s of imperia l Russia. 1 The city' s multinationa l populatio n include d man y Gree k an d Turkish subject s whos e culture s contribute d t o Taganrog' s exotic , un-Russian atmosphere . I n th e por t area , wit h it s ever-presen t Turkish felucca s an d Gree k ships , th e ai r smelle d o f shi p tar s and salt . Th e se a change d colo r wit h th e seasons—greyish-blu e i n spring, brigh t gree n i n th e peculia r ambe r yello w o f Taganrog' s summer sunsets . Most o f th e house s i n th e cit y ha d terrace s an d balconies ; "th e gardens an d publi c park s wer e ful l o f te a roses , lilacs , an d helio trope. Plante d wit h whit e acacia s an d pyramida l poplars , th e shapely street s seeme d lik e a par k i n themselves. " I n summer , th e wealthier section s o f Taganro g exude d a sweet fragrance. Fro m th e "Greek monastery , it s Dori c column s showin g whit e agains t th e J

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1 6 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNESS . . . "

sky, cam e th e mournfu l soun d o f evenin g bells. " After th e oppres sive hea t o f th e day , th e town' s youn g peopl e woul d com e ou t t o meet on e anothe r i n th e municipa l par k o r th e harbor . "Red , lilac , yellow, an d orang e scarve s wafted i n the breeze from th e shoulder s of th e youn g Gree k women . Th e evenin g kep t th e secret s o f youn g lovers. Suddenly , a n empt y stree t woul d exud e th e swee t smel l o f perfume a s a bronze-skinned Gree k woma n i n a white dres s darte d around th e corne r an d vanishe d int o th e night. " Th e Gree k letter s on th e ship s i n th e harbo r an d o n th e hairdressin g salon s i n tow n were "redolen t o f a mysteriou s antiquity, " whic h acquire d a dis tinctive soun d i n th e prayer s o f Gree k Orthodo x believer s sittin g and tellin g thei r rosarie s "a s th e lon g ho t summe r day s stretche d on indolently." 2 On Jul y 30 , 1885, 3 i t wa s oppressivel y hot . Ther e ha d bee n a brief showe r earl y i n th e day , bu t th e "measl y drops " o f rai n i t provided coul d "no t slak e the thirsty eart h tha t ha d gon e all crack s and crevices." 4 Th e horizo n seeme d t o b e meltin g i n th e intens e heat. A s th e "cicada s crackle d an d chirred " outsid e th e ope n win dows, a youn g Jewis h physician , Alexandr a Parnokh , struggle d i n the throes o f he r first labor : Now falling back, now on her elbows raising herself again, digging her nails into her palms, biting her mouth till it bled, plaintively and ardently a mother did her female deed; the vein beneath the hollow of her temple beat, beat under cooled sweat. Her depths cracked, like the earth from th e heat, the cicadas seemed to crackle in her ears— and on that day of drunken witches' rapture to me, the newborn girl, was given a sacred, the most sacred of all names. Like a call to deeds, it summons me—SOPHIA . . . (#85) Alexandra an d Yako v Parnokh' s first daughter , Sophi a (Sonya) , was bor n int o th e exac t middl e o f on e o f th e bleakes t decade s i n Russian history . Th e reignin g tsar , Alexande r III , had com e t o th e

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 1

7

throne upon hi s father's assassinatio n i n 188 1 proclaiming his fait h in the power an d righ t o f autocracy. 5 Hi s dedication t o turning th e clock bac k twent y year s wa s onl y increase d b y hi s belie f tha t th e reforms promulgate d b y hi s fathe r i n th e sixtie s an d seventie s ha d ended i n treason. Ou t o f nostalgia fo r th e ancien regime h e fostere d the traditiona l politica l allianc e betwee n th e autocrac y an d th e nobility, which , "togethe r wit h th e forwar d driv e o f industria l capitalism . . . constitute d th e principa l sourc e o f polic y i n [his ] reign." 6 Industrial expansio n becam e th e tsaris t government' s economi c priority an d wa s achieve d rapidly , bu t a t th e expens e o f industria l workers' well-being . Taganrog' s growt h wa s fairl y typica l i n thi s regard. I t received it s initial boos t i n 189 6 whe n Belgia n capitalist s began constructio n o f a metalwork s an d boile r factor y i n th e city . As soo n a s i t wen t int o operation , malfunctionin g equipmen t an d the absenc e o f safet y regulation s resulte d i n a larg e numbe r o f accidents. Gradually , a whole "arm y o f invalid s an d maime d men " grew u p i n the working clas s districts aroun d th e plant. 7 Those neighborhood s presente d a shar p contras t t o th e wealth ier part s o f Taganrog . Mos t worker s di d no t ear n a livin g wag e and ha d t o bu y foo d an d necessitie s o n credi t fro m loca l mer chants. Thi s force d the m int o a cycl e o f permanen t indebtedness . Sanitary condition s i n the poorer district s of Taganrog were appall ing, an d epidemic s o f plagu e an d choler a swep t th e cit y i n th e early nineties . Tsarist politica l repressio n increase d i n severit y throughou t th e eighties an d ninetie s an d continue d throug h th e firs t decad e o f th e reign o f Nichola s II , wh o cam e t o th e thron e i n 1894 . Russia n universities, whic h Alexande r II I ha d considered , wit h som e justi fication, t o b e breeding grounds o f revolution , had los t their auton omy a t th e beginnin g o f hi s reign . Betwee n 188 1 an d 1905 , th e year o f th e firs t Russia n revolution , ther e wer e fe w part s o f th e empire wher e ordinar y law s wer e no t a t som e tim e abrogate d i n favor o f governmen t b y tsarist decree .

18 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNESS . . . "

The officia l polic y o f russianizin g non-Russia n population s i n the empir e le d t o th e ope n persecutio n o f nationa l an d religiou s minorities—Poles, Ukrainians , Armenians , Russia n Orthodo x dis senters, Transcaucasian Moslems , and especiall y Jews. Under Alex ander II I an d Nichola s II , th e Pal e o f Settlement , withi n whic h most Jews wer e force d t o live , was furthe r restricted . Jewish peas ants wer e forbidde n t o acquir e land , an d Jewis h enrollmen t int o schools, universities , an d profession s wa s limite d b y quotas . A n official anti-Semitis m prevailed . Wealthier an d well-educate d Jews , particularly i n th e tw o capital s an d othe r larg e cities , tende d t o assimilate int o th e dominan t Russia n culture . The y experience d less over t an d les s violen t anti-Semitis m an d cease d t o identify , i n most cases , with th e grea t mas s o f poverty-stricke n an d persecute d Russian Jews. Taganrog wa s outsid e th e Pal e o f Settlemen t an d fa r fro m th e centers o f Jewis h populatio n i n Russia . I t wa s als o on e o f th e fe w places i n th e empir e wher e ther e ha d neve r bee n an y Jewis h po groms, althoug h "i n a neighborin g tow n th e pogromist s woul d routinely sto p mal e passersby an d forcibl y unbutto n thei r trousers , looking fo r 'th e cu t ones. ' " 8 Sonya' s younge r brothe r Valenti n (Valya) remembere d hearin g th e adult s a t hom e tal k endlessl y about "residenc e permits, " an d h e neve r forgo t overhearin g some one onc e say , "Soo n a Je w wil l n o longe r hav e th e righ t t o cros s the street." 9 The Parnok h famil y spok e Russia n an d wa s completel y assimi lated, a s wer e th e majorit y o f Jewis h familie s i n th e town . Yako v Solomonovich, a pharmacist an d th e owne r o f a n apothecary , wa s one o f Taganrog' s five hundre d "hereditar y honorar y citizens, " a title conferre d o n person s no t o f gentl e birt h fo r goo d citizenshi p and service s rendere d t o th e state . Thoug h sensitiv e t o anti-Semi tism, h e wa s indifferen t t o religion , neve r attende d synagogue , provided n o religiou s instructio n fo r hi s children , an d gav e fre quent voic e t o hi s drea m o f leavin g Russi a an d livin g i n Wester n Europe.

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 1

9

The Parnok h childre n wer e brough t u p t o thin k o f themselve s as Russia n first an d Jewis h second , i f a t all . But, a s ofte n happen s with childre n i n nonreligiou s homes , the y develope d a passionat e interest i n religion, althoug h the y were stirre d b y different faiths . The leve l o f cultur e i n Taganro g wa s no t considere d t o b e ver y high. In 189 7 only 1. 3 percen t o f the population possesse d a higher education, a mer e 1 0 percen t wer e hig h schoo l graduates , an d 6 8 percent o f th e wome n an d 5 7 percen t o f th e me n wer e illiterate. 10 The monie d aristocrac y constitute d th e crea m o f loca l society , bu t its member s wer e no t especiall y well-educate d o r intereste d i n cultural pursuits . Thei r lif e centere d aroun d th e tw o mai n socia l clubs i n tow n wit h thei r perpetua l roun d o f balls , coming-ou t parties, argument s ove r seatin g arrangement s a t forma l dinners , and eterna l car d games . The Greeks , Italians, English, an d othe r foreig n inhabitant s als o contributed littl e t o Taganrog' s cultura l life , sinc e thei r education , for th e mos t part , di d no t excee d bookkeepin g an d busines s corre spondence i n foreign languages. 11 The cit y di d tak e justifiabl e prid e i n it s first-rate Italia n Oper a Company, whic h merchant s ha d financed i n th e 1860 s an d 1870s . Well-known singers , actors, and othe r performers fro m large r citie s regularly visite d Taganro g o n tour . Anton Chekhov , th e city' s mos t famou s nativ e son , ha d a ver y low opinio n o f cultura l lif e i n hi s hometown , whic h h e lef t i n th e late seventie s i n orde r t o stud y medicin e i n Moscow . Whe n h e visited Taganro g i n 1887 , h e note d th e town' s "brutish " livin g conditions an d atmospher e o f "universa l laziness." 12 Thing s ha d not improve d i n hi s opinio n seve n year s later , when , durin g an other visit , he told a reporter fo r th e local newspaper tha t th e press "should b e mor e assiduou s i n remindin g th e townspeopl e o f ho w neglected thei r cit y was, of its lack of plumbing an d a decent publi c library." 13 Chekho v himsel f worke d tirelessl y fo r th e creatio n o f a municipal library , which , du e largel y t o hi s effort s an d gift s o f money an d books , finally cam e into existenc e in 1903 .

20 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . "

The Parnokh s wer e n o doub t considere d par t o f Taganrog' s intellectual elite . As in othe r Russia n towns , they le d a lif e entirel y separated fro m th e masse s an d thei r problems . Alexandr a Abra movna wa s a n exceptionall y well-educate d woma n fo r he r time , one o f th e firs t generatio n o f wome n doctor s i n Russia . He r hus band als o value d educatio n an d provide d hi s childre n wit h a n excellent on e a t home tha t prepare d the m wel l fo r th e gymnasium . As wa s typica l i n affluen t Russia n home s o f th e educate d classes , the Parnok h childre n learne d t o rea d a t a youn g age , wer e taugh t to spea k Frenc h an d Germa n b y native-speakin g governesse s an d tutors, an d studie d music . Sony a an d Valy a bot h bega n writin g poetry i n childhood , sh e at si x and h e at nine. Sonya wa s th e onl y on e o f th e thre e Parnok h childre n t o hav e lived wit h thei r mother . In th e almos t si x year s befor e th e birt h o f her brothe r an d sister , sh e di d no t bon d especiall y closel y wit h he r mother an d gre w u p wit h th e sad feelin g tha t sh e had neve r know n her. A s a littl e gir l sh e wa s close r t o he r father , bu t he r younge r brother apparentl y replace d Sony a i n hi s father' s affections . Prid e forced he r t o hid e he r resentment . Later , sh e rechannele d i t int o a studiou s indifferenc e t o he r fathe r an d cultivate d he r distanc e from him . She forgot, repressed , or , a t the very least, did not car e to recor d her childhoo d memories . He r lyric s contai n virtuall y n o childhoo d memories t o spea k o f excep t fo r on e strikin g memor y o f th e blaz ing, crimson sunse t sh e would contemplat e outsid e th e west-facin g window o f he r nursery . Accordin g t o on e o f he r poems , i t ofte n evoked i n he r ambivalen t "learned " daydream s o f th e kin d o f "bloody deat h tha t befit s a hero" (#157) . Valy a remembere d hav ing similarl y violen t childhoo d fantasie s o f herois m a s h e day dreamed constantl y o f becomin g th e liberato r o f th e Jews. 14 Bot h children's daydream s wer e fe d b y books . Valya' s favorit e wa s called Wars of Liberation —it narrate d th e freedo m struggle s o f the Italians , Greeks , an d African-America n slaves . Sony a eagerl y read storie s fro m Gree k mytholog y an d th e Ol d Testament .

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 2

1

Much later , Parno k recalle d he r earlies t childhoo d "dreams, " before sh e learne d abou t th e blood y death s o f heroes , a s innocent , "springlike," an d "carefree " (#2) . Bu t sh e cam e t o fee l cu t of f from thos e "carefre e dreams " b y a "thorn y path " tha t ha d bee n overshadowed b y "misfortunes " (#2) . The first o f thes e misfortune s wa s n o doub t th e deat h o f he r mother. I n 1891 , whe n Sony a wa s abou t t o tur n six , Alexandr a Parnokh succumbe d afte r givin g birt h t o th e twins , Valenti n an d Yelizaveta (Liza) . Th e los s o f he r mothe r lef t a permanen t woun d in Sonya . In th e poe m sh e wrot e abou t he r birth , a portio n o f whic h wa s quoted earlier , sh e tellingly portraye d he r birthin g mothe r a s doin g her "femal e deed, " whil e she , th e daughte r an d poet , fel t sum moned t o a n ungendere d "deed " i n th e servic e o f he r "sacre d name, Sophia, " th e Mothe r Wisdom . Apar t fro m "Jul y Thirtieth " (#85), Parno k remembere d he r mothe r onl y onc e i n he r poems , a s a personalit y utterl y differen t fro m herself , who , sh e surmised , would probabl y hav e disapprove d o f he r daughter' s life . Sh e al ways cherishe d th e hop e tha t he r mothe r woul d hav e love d her , but sh e apparently neve r kne w whethe r sh e had . The secon d misfortun e o f Sonya' s childhoo d followe d rapidl y upon th e first. Shortl y afte r Alexandr a Abramovna' s death , Yako v Solomonovich marrie d hi s children' s Germa n governess , wit h whom h e ha d apparentl y bee n havin g a n affair . Nothin g i s know n about th e Parnok h children' s stepmother , no t eve n he r name , ex cept tha t sh e aroused stron g negativ e feeling s i n all of them . Valya nurture d a virulen t hatre d o f hi s stepmother , whic h late r expressed itsel f i n hi s violentl y misogynisti c detestatio n o f Russia : "Russia i s eterna l slavery , th e eterna l stepmothe r . . . scu m o f th e world . . . a ver y broa d peasant-woma n monste r wit h a n inordi nately smal l vagina!" 15 Sonya's feeling s fo r he r stepmothe r see m t o hav e bee n mor e diffuse, ambivalent , an d therefore , perhaps , mor e confusin g an d troubling. Sh e probabl y resente d he r fo r captivatin g he r father ,

2 2 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . "

whose weaknes s sh e scorne d whil e empathizin g wit h wha t sh e fel t to b e hi s victimizatio n b y a power-lovin g woman . A t th e sam e time, th e sexua l charism a sh e perceive d he r stepmothe r t o wiel d probably attracte d her . Sony a viewe d he r stepmothe r primaril y a s a seductress an d dominatrix . Sh e felt les s persecuted b y her pseudomother tha n challenge d t o conque r an d out-mothe r her . Sonya's mai n issu e i n growin g u p wa s he r ow n motherlessness , and i t ultimatel y expresse d itsel f i n he r attitude s towar d Russia , too. Bu t wher e Valy a rejecte d Russi a a s th e false , evil , sexuall y unaccommodating stepmother , Sony a sough t comfor t i n he r a s the true , good , all-embracin g mothe r an d self . He r view , unlik e Valya's, specificall y contradicte d he r pro-Europea n father' s outlook. Parnok's childhoo d wa s thu s spen t i n a materiall y secur e an d even privilege d environmen t tha t wa s emotionall y wantin g an d treacherous. 16 I n man y respect s he r adul t lif e reverse d thi s imbal ance: sh e foun d hersel f chronicall y i n nee d o f money , bu t neve r wanting fo r th e love and suppor t o f women . Like man y Victoria n families , Parnok' s presente d a prope r ap pearance t o th e worl d tha t probabl y covere d u p it s shar e o f dar k secrets. On e fac t i s obvious an d compelling . The poet carrie d awa y from he r childhoo d th e stron g feelin g tha t sh e ha d ha d n o child hood, tha t sh e ha d emerge d int o adulthoo d a t to o youn g a n age . As a youn g adul t sh e attribute d he r persisten t sens e o f bein g to o old fo r he r year s t o bein g a Jew. 17 Perhap s he r too-Jewis h under standing o f th e worl d ca n b e seen i n th e expressio n o f he r pensive , sad, aged-child' s eye s i n th e on e survivin g childhoo d photograp h of her . Shortly afte r Nichola s I I ascende d t o th e throne , Parnok h en tered th e Empres s Mari e Gymnasiu m fo r Girl s in Taganrog, wher e she woul d complet e he r forma l educatio n ove r th e nex t eigh t years. 18 The curricula o f al l the Marie gymnasi a wer e the same an d all subject s excep t musi c wer e compulsory. 19 Parnok h therefor e studied religion , Russian , French , German , mathematics , history ,

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 2

3

geography, physics , science , drawing , needlework , gymnastics , choir singing , an d dancing . He r schoo l yea r extende d fro m th e beginning o f Septembe r throug h mid-June , an d sh e wa s i n schoo l from nin e i n th e mornin g unti l thre e i n th e afternoon , si x day s a week. Whil e schoo l wa s i n session , sh e wor e a unifor m t o classe s and i n all public places. She had tw o weeks' vacation fo r Christma s and Easter , an d he r clas s was limite d t o fort y girls . During he r las t thre e year s a t th e gymnasiu m Parnok h entere d puberty an d bega n writin g poetr y intensively . Sh e collecte d he r poems int o notebooks : onl y on e poe m (J-i ) an d th e tabl e o f con tents remai n fro m th e 190 0 "Noteboo k o f Poems." 20 Th e forty nine poem s (J-2—50 ) i n th e othe r grou p cove r th e perio d fro m April 190 1 throug h mid-Ma y 1903 . Mos t o f the m ar e date d ex actly ( a fe w eve n wit h th e hou r the y wer e written) , a practic e Parnok di d no t alway s follo w late r on . Take n together , thes e fifty poems constitut e a kind o f lyrica l laborator y an d diar y o f Parnok' s teenage year s a s wel l a s th e onl y survivin g sourc e o f informatio n about he r lif e durin g this crucial time . At th e tim e Parnok h wa s writin g he r juvenilia , th e decadent symbolist movemen t wa s i n ful l swin g i n Russi a an d ha d brough t to life a new grea t ag e of poetry. Parnokh naturall y rea d the newes t Russian poet s wit h thei r modernis t experiment s wit h form , thei r art-for-art's sak e rallyin g cry , an d i n som e cases , thei r shockin g themes. Ye t he r adolescen t poem s reveale d n o organic , o r eve n imitative, connectio n wit h th e decadent-symbolis t styl e tha t domi nated he r poeti c environment . B y comparison , he r brother' s juve nilia fro m a fe w year s late r sho w a youn g ma n who , b y hi s ow n admission, ha d bee n utterl y poisoned , a s s o man y o f hi s peer s were, b y th e poetr y o f Alexande r Blok , Russia' s greates t symbolis t poet, whos e sta r wa s a t mid-heave n i n th e first decad e o f th e twentieth century . Most o f Parnokh' s (extant ) juvenili a concer n sex an d love , spe cifically, he r burgeonin g lesbia n sexualit y an d he r first flirtations , infatuations, an d lov e affairs. O n on e hand, sh e obviously use d he r

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writing fo r emotiona l therapy , a s man y adolescent s do , an d wa s intent upon expressin g her feeling s an d fantasie s wit h littl e though t for art . O n th e othe r hand , sh e wa s seriou s abou t he r poetry , constantly (an d rathe r harshly ) criticizin g hersel f an d measurin g herself agains t friend s wh o als o wrote , o r wante d t o b e poets , a s almost al l youn g peopl e o f th e educate d classe s di d i n Russi a a t the time . In writin g abou t he r first lesbia n sexua l experiences , Parnok h did no t tur n t o an y o f th e fe w availabl e literar y models , althoug h she ha d linguisti c acces s t o Baudelaire , Verlaine , an d thei r follow ers, th e poet s wh o hav e bee n credite d wit h inventin g "literar y lesbianism" a t th e en d o f th e nineteent h century. 21 Ignoring , o r ignorant of , th e decaden t lesbian a o f he r time , she created he r ow n lesbian poeti c speake r fro m withi n hersel f an d ou t o f he r ow n experiences, an d sh e wrot e abou t he r an d them , a t time s colloqui ally, bu t mor e ofte n i n th e traditiona l languag e o f Russia n an d German heterosexua l lov e poetry. He r juvenili a thu s have fa r mor e psychological tha n artisti c interest , althoug h thei r literar y an d cul tural significance , i f viewe d a s the y shoul d b e fro m th e standpoin t of lesbia n writin g i n Russian , i s greate r tha n ha s bee n acknowl edged. Psychologically, Parnokh' s initia l self-creatio n i n vers e fulfille d her nee d t o com e ou t t o hersel f an d t o bolste r he r confidenc e i n a n atmosphere sh e perceive d t o b e alie n t o her . Fro m th e perspectiv e of Russia n literar y history , th e creatio n o f a poeti c speake r wh o was bot h a lesbia n an d a desirin g femal e subjec t represente d a revolution o f on e i n moder n Russia n lyricis m tha t ha s unti l no w gone unnoticed . Parnokh's earlies t extan t poem , date d Decembe r 1900 , de scribed on e o f he r Saturda y danc e classe s that me t i n the basemen t of th e gymnasium building. 22 The class is portrayed dynamicall y a s the girls practice the waltz, the allez-casse, and thei r favorite dance , the chaconne . On e ca n onl y imagin e th e complicate d an d largel y unspoken emotion s Parnok h mus t hav e experience d a s a sexuall y

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aware (an d excitable ) youn g lesbian a t those weekly all-femal e (bu t not all-lesbian ) dances . In writin g he r poem s sh e adopte d th e distancin g perspectiv e o f a witt y an d acerbi c observe r o f an d participan t i n a scen e o f regimented girlis h mayhem . He r rhyme d couplet s gav e cameo por traits o f hersel f an d he r friends : "charmin g Sophi e Krissan, " wh o may hav e bee n a specia l friend , considerin g th e severa l poem s dedicated t o he r i n th e tabl e o f content s o f th e nonextan t note book; Mis s Radomskaya , "gracefu l a s a poplar tree" ; "divin e Mis s Popel, shinin g lik e a sta r i n th e sky" ; Yelen a Kompaneyskay a an d Marianna Sokolova , youn g devotee s o f decadence , who cha t abou t "how lif e decays " whil e Kompaneyskay a listen s t o he r neighbor , Miss Kulik , deliverin g a "learne d treatise. " Miss Zimont, "re d a s a poppy," dance s a s i f sh e wer e a perpetua l motio n machine ; Mis s Grishina grab s Mis s Yovets' s sleev e s o har d th e latte r start s t o move backwards ; Mis s Freiman n an d Mis s Fleische r ar e describe d as "hens. " Th e poetes s Panomarenko , "raptur e i n he r ligh t blu e eyes, discourse s o n progress, " t o whic h he r partne r Katyush a ex claims, "Ah! " an d i s s o excite d tha t sh e "seem s read y t o carr y Panomarenko of f i n her arms. " Miss Parnokh dance s th e chaconn e with young "cranelike " Miss Rozhnova wh o whispers breathlessly , "Just look! How good life is!" And Parnokh, serious to a fault, replies, importantly unclear : "It is, but it is not my lot to grasp the local atmosphere!" (J-i ) Parnokh wa s obviousl y awar e o f bein g different , bu t sh e too k her alienatio n a s a sign o f superiorit y an d cope d wit h i t proudly. If she had negativ e feeling s o r doubt s abou t he r sexuality , sh e did no t express the m i n he r poetry , eve n i n thos e earl y poem s clearl y written fo r he r eye s only . Sh e encourage d he r ow n idiosyncras y and manage d t o develo p earl y o n eithe r a genuin e sens e o f self , o r almost impenetrabl e defense s tha t coul d no t b e destroye d b y hos -

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T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNESS . . . "

tile criticism o r socia l disapprobation , o f which sh e would encoun ter her share . Unfortunately, i t i s extremel y difficul t t o kno w ho w sh e reall y felt abou t he r sexuality , o r wha t perception s sh e had , i f any , o f lesbians. If sh e was curiou s abou t he r orientation , an d mos t youn g lesbians wh o acknowledg e thei r differenc e ar e (an d were , eve n i n the late Victorian era) , there were book s sh e could hav e consulted . The corpus o f lat e nineteenth centur y Germa n medica l literatur e on inversio n wa s availabl e i n Russia n translation s fro m th e 1890s , and i n an y case , i f Parnok h wer e awar e o f it , sh e coul d hav e rea d it i n th e original. 23 Th e period' s majo r Russia n wor k o n lesbi anism, Sexual Perversion in Women, b y a gynecologist, Dr . Ippoli t Tarnovsky, ha d bee n publishe d i n St . Petersbur g i n 1896 . Th e word "lesbian, " an d th e term s "sapphi c love " an d "lesbia n love " had al l entere d th e Russia n languag e b y th e tur n o f th e century , but the y wer e no t i n genera l use , eve n b y lesbian s themselves , i n polite conversatio n an d socia l intercourse . "Lesbian " wa s an d stil l is regarded a s a medical term . Parnokh appear s fro m he r poems t o hav e accepte d he r sexualit y as a n innat e disposition . Sh e fel t he r desire s wer e simila r t o thos e of heterosexuals , onl y stronge r tha n mos t people's . Her apparen t lac k o f fea r o r mora l consternatio n abou t he r attraction t o women ha s to b e understood, however , i n the contex t of he r lat e Victoria n Russia n socia l environmen t tha t accepte d a s natural an d "normal " expression s o f affectio n an d intimac y be tween women , particularl y schoolgirls , tha t woul d strik e man y westerners toda y a s decide d departure s fro m th e norm . Parnokh' s independence an d lac k o f romanti c interest i n young men no doub t raised mor e suspicion s and , ultimately , condemnatio n fro m he r family tha n he r schoolgir l "crushes " on othe r girls . According t o he r gymnasiu m poems , she had he r firs t lov e affai r during th e summe r o f 1901 , whic h sh e spen t wit h he r famil y i n Balaclava i n th e Crimea . A t tha t time , th e Crimea n peninsul a had no t ye t bee n russianize d an d seeme d lik e " a littl e corne r o f

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Turkey." 2 4 Minaret s towere d ove r th e landscap e an d th e day s were punctuate d b y th e muezzins ' summonse s t o prayer . Tarta r languages wer e i n use , an d "th e whol e peninsul a wa s filled wit h the smel l o f ho t Turkis h bread , magnolias , an d oliv e trees . In between th e cypresse s on e caugh t glimpse s o f th e dazzlin g se a an d heard it s thunderous surf." 25 The fragrances , sounds , an d seascap e intoxicate d Sony a a s much a s her younger brother , an d sh e developed a lifelong lov e fo r middle easter n (Turkish , Tartar , an d Persian ) cultures . In August , in th e cit y o f Alupka , sh e wrot e a stanz a i n whic h sh e trie d t o convey th e stimulatin g effec t tha t th e "smel l o f magnolias, " "th e mysterious soun d o f th e Blac k Sea, " an d th e "intoxicatingl y pur e air" produce d i n her ; i t al l "arouse d a swar m o f swee t thoughts " (J-io). Her Balaclav a girlfrien d ha s remaine d unidentified , bu t th e source an d powe r o f he r attractivenes s foun d it s way int o a poem . In lat e July , Parnok h wrot e tha t he r lover' s "enchanting , excited , tender voice " had lure d he r int o "a n enchante d worl d o f pleasure " and ha d "penetrate d [her ] soul, " seemin g t o say : " 'You'l l fee l lik e you're drownin g i n raptures o f lov e a s / you'll liv e a fast lif e b y m y side!' " (J-8). 26 The following sprin g Sonya immerse d hersel f i n a lyrical "Remi niscence" o f he r happ y summe r i n Balaclava . Sh e imagined hersel f waiting fo r he r lover' s kis s a s sh e use d t o d o whil e sittin g o n th e balcony o f he r hous e an d lookin g throug h binocular s a t " a littl e white hous e i n th e hills " (J-23) . At th e sam e tim e someon e woul d be observing her fro m th e windows o f that house . Later, she woul d walk i n th e hills , meet he r lover , an d the y woul d spen d tim e i n th e little hous e s o tha t th e "hour s seeme d lik e seconds. " Whe n Par nokh woul d regretfull y retur n hom e fo r dinner , sh e woul d leav e knowing ther e woul d "alway s b e tomorrow. " Sh e conclude d he r "Reminiscence" b y comparin g he r tomorrowles s stat e i n th e pres ent (April 1902 ) wit h th e "dream " an d it s "musi c o f tomorrow " that sh e had actuall y live d the previous summer .

28 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . "

Music playe d a n enormousl y importan t rol e i n Parnok' s emo tional an d creativ e life , an d i f sh e ha d bee n mor e ambitiou s an d diligent abou t he r forma l musica l education , sh e migh t hav e be come a professiona l musician . (A s a youn g woma n sh e admitte d that i n choosin g a literar y career , sh e had merel y followe d th e lin e of leas t resistance. ) Musi c stoo d nex t t o anguis h (th e untranslat able Russia n wor d toska) a t th e cor e o f he r being , an d sh e appar ently coul d no t liste n t o musi c withou t becomin g visibl y affected . Her poem s ten d t o b e ver y musical , wit h a grea t dea l o f attentio n paid t o rhyme , rhythm , an d soun d texture—stylisti c qualitie s tha t are impossible t o conve y accuratel y i n English translation . Som e of her lat e lyric s revea l he r attemp t t o creat e a purel y musical , an d specifically female , poeti c language . As a n adolescen t i n Taganrog , Parnok h attende d concert s an d operas a s ofte n a s sh e could . Th e powerful , seductiv e operati c heroines, lik e Cleopatra , Delilah , Isolde , an d especiall y Carmen , stimulated he r romantic fantasies , an d sh e frequently becam e infat uated wit h th e diva s who san g these roles. In Octobe r 190 1 sh e attende d a performanc e o f Samson and Delilah tha t simpl y overwhelme d he r an d inspire d th e poe m "T o Delilah," a n acrosti c "dedicate d t o th e singe r an d actres s Seluc Rasnatowskaya." Th e poe m constitute d a confessio n o f lov e bot h for th e paga n seductres s Delila h an d th e performe r wh o embodie d her an d create d th e mode l o f th e femme fatale tha t inform s th e poet's earl y lyrical evocation s o f man y o f he r lovers : So strong, like death, seductively-superbly , Each part of her whole being powerfully , Lovingly enticed us all to her. Unbounded passions of the southern girl Came forth, it seemed, in all her singing, Resplendent, hot, and powerful Delilah ! Acknowledging the celebration's start, She slithered, like a snake, around her prey . . . Not feeling love, she unrestrainedly

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And passionately gave herself; —fo r god , That god whom all her patrimony's sons, Oppressed slaves, adored and owed obeisance. With zeal she tried enticing Samson into Seductive snares, not feeling any love. Kalypso-like, what power she put into her acting! And with your furious an d forceful passion , You have infected certainl y not Samson Alone, it seems to me, Delilah! (J-11) The nex t da y sh e wrot e anothe r passionat e poe m o n a musica l theme. Entitle d "Anita, " i t represente d he r "interpretation " o f Tchaikovsky's popula r pian o piec e "Chan t san s paroles " (Op . 2 , No. 3) , an d overwhelme d th e haunting , simpl e son g wit h a stor m of violen t word s tha t seeme d t o come , quit e literally , fro m anothe r opera. The poe m tol d o f Anita , wh o hel d a nameles s an d submissiv e male love r i n thral l fo r a year. Despit e hi s attempt s t o kil l hi s pas sion, he found himsel f sickl y in love with this "invincibly powerful " woman wh o merel y laughe d a t him . A s poet-interprete r o f Tchai kovsky's music , Parnok h condemne d Anita' s behavio r an d urge d her no t t o laug h afte r he r victi m ha d finally expire d fro m hi s unre quited passion . Ye t th e youn g poet' s sympath y wit h Anita' s victi m could not overcome her own attractio n t o the woman. At the end of the poe m sh e admitte d tha t althoug h Anita' s laughte r migh t ange r God, it was positively "infectious , an d ful l o f beauty!" (J-12) . The uninspired routin e a t the gymnasium obviousl y had nothin g to compet e wit h th e excitin g lif e Parnok h live d i n her imagination . To mak e matter s worse , som e o f he r teacher s wer e shockingl y unqualified. Sh e particularly scorne d an d mocke d on e o f he r Rus sian languag e instructors , wh o ha d bee n transferre d t o "contempt ible" Taganro g fro m hi s "nativ e Penz a province " (J-14) . Thi s "wise pedagogue " routinel y misaccente d Russia n word s an d in sisted tha t hi s student s "correct " thei r pronunciatio n t o confor m to his mistakes .

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Writing increasingl y becam e he r refug e fro m Penz a pedagogues , school tedium , an d th e ravage s o f he r frustrate d sexuality . Sh e began t o tak e a mor e critica l approac h t o he r creativity , too . I n March 1902 , afte r readin g ove r he r lon g poe m abou t th e danc e class, sh e rejecte d i t an d scribble d th e word s "stupi d littl e poem! " at th e end o f th e manuscript . Then, i n "T o a Youn g Poet, " sh e reveale d a similarl y negativ e self-assessment, a s wel l a s a loft y opinio n o f poetr y an d th e poet' s calling. "Ho w I envy you (thoug h env y is a vile feeling)," sh e wrot e to he r addressee , a fello w poet , "fo r bein g abl e t o plum b th e hidden recesse s o f th e mos t sacre d ar t . . . fo r havin g th e gif t o f reaching people' s hearts—fo r sowin g goo d i n the m wit h th e wor d and destroyin g wit h th e word thei r evil! " (J-16) . Her respec t fo r words , he r belie f i n the mora l powe r tha t word s could wield , i n th e obligatio n talen t place d o n th e poet , an d i n th e primary, communicativ e functio n o f poetry , remaine d th e founda tion o f he r artisti c cred o throughou t he r life . B y sixtee n sh e kne w exactly wha t sh e wante d t o achiev e creatively , an d sh e se t loft y goals fo r herself , bu t sh e did no t kno w ho w t o attai n the m o r ho w to find he r way int o poetry's "hidde n recesses. " Spring "seized " Parnok h i n 190 2 "wit h it s terribl e force , th e terrible desir e fo r love " (J-21) . Sh e fel l i n lov e wit h on e o f he r schoolmates, a certai n Zhenya . On e da y a t schoo l Zheny a hap pened t o laug h i n he r "childishl y naughty " wa y a t somethin g Sonya said , an d th e poe t suddenl y fel t tha t Zheny a wa s no t indif ferent t o her . Tha t evening , sh e dashe d impulsivel y ove r t o Zhenya's hous e "t o catc h a glimps e of " her , bu t he r hope s fo r th e tryst sh e had fantasize d abou t wer e not realized . Alone in her roo m late r that nigh t sh e wrote ou t he r disappoint ment i n a poem , "T o Zhenya " (J-22) . I t wa s th e first tim e sh e dared t o writ e th e nam e o f th e woma n sh e desire d an d t o presen t herself no t a s a n observe r o f othe r people' s passions , no t a s a sympathizer wit h th e mal e victim s o f passion , bu t a s a youn g woman wh o desire d anothe r woman . Sh e ha d begu n writin g dan -

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gerously an d ha d take n a n importan t ste p towar d enablin g hersel f "to plum b th e hidde n recesses " o f he r creativity . He r excitemen t spurred he r o n throug h a half-sleeples s nigh t a s sh e comforte d herself wit h he r "Reminiscence " o f he r Crimea n romanc e th e pre vious summer . By th e en d o f th e mont h sh e wa s feelin g alienate d an d trappe d by th e "loca l atmosphere " an d gav e hersel f som e rebelliou s lyrica l advice: Leave here as soon as possible! Oh, faster ! I'm smothering; I'm growing dull; I'm becoming malicious and nasty; I now shun everyone . . . I don't feel at all engaged with other people. Their happiness gives me no joy . . . I despise all people . . . Animals are a hundred times dearer to me. (J-24) Two month s later , however , sh e ha d attaine d som e teenag e wisdom tha t directl y contradicte d thes e misanthropi c feelings . Sh e decided tha t i t wa s vai n "t o despis e people, " and , althoug h the y were no t wort h loving , "on e ha d t o pit y them , s o tha t on e woul d oneself b e pitied " (J-18) . Possibly , he r chang e o f hear t reflecte d a new influenc e i n her life—Christianity. Sh e concluded th e poem b y exhorting hersel f no t t o mak e fu n o f he r "pitiabl e surroundings " and reminde d hersel f o f th e exampl e o f "Jesus , who di d no t striv e for hi s goa l wit h mocker y an d hatred. " Thi s i s th e first Christia n reference i n Parnok' s extan t writings . On th e sam e Jun e da y sh e wrot e anothe r poe m i n a n utterl y different, comic-ironi c key , calle d "Portrai t o f Ilichk a Rediktin. " The young male hero o f th e title may have been drawn fro m a reallife model , either hersel f o r a young ma n i n Taganrog i n whom sh e saw resemblance s t o hersel f an d wit h who m sh e may hav e enjoye d the first o f numerou s romanti c rivalrie s sh e would hav e wit h men . According t o th e poem , Rediktin , lik e Parnok h herself , wa s eage r for Sophi e Krissan' s attentions .

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Ilichka Redikti n seem s t o hav e bee n almos t a mal e doubl e o f Sonechka Parnokh . A "victim o f passion" who ha d bee n in its "allpowerful vise " sinc e childhood , h e i s describe d a s merry , carefree , talkative i n th e compan y o f youn g women , u p o n th e lates t argot , but unabl e t o fin d anythin g t o tal k abou t wit h hi s fathe r "beyon d grades." Th e emphasi s o n th e spott y communicatio n betwee n th e young love r o f wome n an d hi s fathe r i s particularl y suggestiv e i n view o f Parnokh' s "distant " an d uncommunicativ e relationshi p with he r fathe r throughou t he r youth . Finally , Ilichk a Redikti n i s portrayed a s havin g th e sam e wisel y innocen t attitud e t o se x tha t Parnokh manifeste d a t thi s time : "horribl y chaste, " h e "freel y admits t o lovin g the femal e sex " (J-26) . "Portrait o f Ilichk a Rediktin " and , eve n more , th e long , unfin ished "Correspondence, " writte n th e nex t day , sho w tha t Parnok h was no t ye t entirel y comfortabl e writin g a s a young woma n abou t her sexuality . After takin g th e plung e int o direc t expressio n o f he r desires i n "T o Zhenya, " sh e retreate d fo r a whil e t o th e safet y o f male double s an d masculin e discours e abou t sex . Thi s wa s no t surprising, sinc e i n he r da y femal e sexualit y continue d t o b e th e almost exclusiv e provinc e o f mal e interpreters , bot h i n scienc e an d in poetry . Furthermore , lyric s tha t ha d femal e desiring-subject s were extremel y rar e i n Western an d Russia n poetry . Parnok' s earli est nativ e poeti c influence s wer e al l male : Pushkin , Baratynsky , and, especially , Tyutchev. 27 "Correspondence" wa s compose d o f lyrica l letter s betwee n tw o male friends tha t narrate d a rudimentary, novelisti c plot: a sixteen year-old bo y write s t o hi s older , jade d frien d tha t h e ha s finally fallen trul y i n love , somethin g h e realize d onl y whe n h e overcam e his nearl y uncontrollabl e desir e an d di d no t forc e hi s belove d "Charmochka" t o hav e sex wit h hi m ou t o f "respect " fo r her . Hi s friend, wh o doe s no t believ e i n lov e outsid e o f "sexua l instincts, " replies tha t a ma n wh o "respects " a woma n i s simpl y a fool . H e advises hi s frien d t o b e daring an d tak e what h e wants. The bo y i n

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love is insulted b y hi s friend' s cynicis m an d write s t o announc e hi s marriage an d t o brea k of f thei r relationshi p forever . The poe m seem s t o b e a ric h i f elusiv e sourc e o f clue s t o th e psychology o f th e youn g poe t wh o wrot e it . Th e tw o narrator s appear t o represen t he r youthfu l an d cynica l selve s a s sh e debate d the issu e o f "goin g al l th e way " wit h a girlfrien d sh e ha d falle n seriously i n lov e with . Th e youn g man' s experienc e strike s on e overwhelmingly a s having bee n Parnokh' s own : When I was kissing her and feelin g as if completely high, and over her whole body wandered my rapt and greedy eyes, When I, beside myself with passion, was fondling her breasts, Then . . . (not believing in your power), I respected her. And pushed back by her feeble gesture, I, suffering a s I loved, in love, and painfully resentful , I did control myself. (J-25, "The Young Man in Love to His Friend") The olde r ma n respond s tha t hi s youn g frien d i s merel y th e victim o f a passin g illness ; h e wa s th e sam e a t sixteen , constantl y assuring everyon e "wit h tear s i n [his ] eyes " ho w h e "respected " women. Bu t no w h e know s tha t wa s al l a fantasy . Respectin g a woman's virtu e simpl y mean s losin g time. "If yo u ha d bee n bold, " he writes, "you'd no w hav e it all," and concludes : Fire in the blood, that, friend, i s love! Books, notes, sweet words, trust me, absurd— just keep in mind, you are a man— short is your span,

34 "THA

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don't live amiss, live fast and kiss. (J-25, "The Friend to the Young Man in Love") Perhaps, wit h thi s toug h talk , Parnok h wa s tryin g t o encourag e herself t o b e mor e aggressiv e wit h he r ne w girlfriend . B y the n having he r chast e person a rejec t th e advic e o f he r cynica l one , she wa s abl e t o separat e hersel f fro m he r "sexua l instincts " an d neutralize th e anxiet y the y cause d her , probabl y becaus e the y di d not see m s o "repulsive" a s they were suppose d t o be . Parnokh's sexuall y cynica l "olde r friend " resemble d Pechorin , the Byroni c her o an d ladykille r o f Mikhai l Lermontov' s classi c psychological novel , A Hero of Our Time. Late r poem s o f Par nok's, writte n whe n sh e wa s th e ag e o f th e "olde r friend " i n "Correspondence," revea l tha t i n severa l o f he r lov e affair s he r female poeti c speake r identifie d wit h Pechorin . Ther e i s som e lyri cal evidence , then , tha t Parno k becam e th e sor t o f love r an d "Pe tersburg ladykiller " tha t sh e claimed t o despis e a t sixteen . The reade r o f "Correspondence " sense s immediatel y tha t th e adolescent autho r wa s no t indulgin g i n a bookis h debat e o n the meanin g o f tru e love ; no r wa s sh e merel y affectin g a cynica l attitude i n orde r t o kee p th e debat e going . Sh e wa s tryin g t o come t o som e conclusio n o n a questio n o f vita l importanc e t o he r and o n whic h sh e clearl y wa s o f tw o minds . Th e chaste , mora l sixteen-year-old i n he r wa s strugglin g wit h he r ow n too-cynica l self. Bu t th e questio n remains : What , o r who , ha d pu t Parnok h so i n th e powe r o f he r olde r sel f tha t he r greates t need , whe n she finally fel l i n love , wa s t o asser t he r innocenc e an d embrac e the bourgeoi s moralit y agains t whic h sh e late r rebelle d whole heartedly? 28 By th e en d o f June , Sony a ha d falle n int o a n almos t suicida l depression, th e reason s fo r whic h sh e merel y allude d t o i n a poe m which began , " 'Wha t i s life i f it lacks enchantment? ' " (J-27) . The purpose o f th e poe m wa s t o encourag e hersel f t o find a goal i n lif e which woul d enabl e he r t o escap e th e "strea m o f suffering s an d misery" tha t he r ordinary , unmagica l lif e i n Taganro g seeme d t o

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 3

5

her t o entail . Sh e resolve d i n th e poe m "t o see k enchantmen t in everything—art , learning , embraces , swee t kisses , an d feeling "

(J-*7).

Shortly afte r sh e wrote thi s poem , sh e lef t t o spen d th e summe r in the Crimea . Sh e appears t o hav e bee n accompanie d ther e b y he r "Charma," tha t is , he r firs t tru e love . Th e youn g woman' s rea l name wa s Nadezhd a Pavlovn a Polyakov a (Nadya , Nadyusha) . Nothing els e i s know n abou t he r excep t tha t he r "enchantment " rilled Parnokh' s emotiona l lif e fo r a t leas t fiv e year s an d inspire d her mos t focuse d adolescen t lov e lyrics . Polyakova wa s th e first o f Parnokh's muse-lovers , and , a s a poetic image , she embodied wha t most excite d th e young poet i n women sexuall y an d creatively . On July 7 , in Gurzuf, Parnok h wrot e he r first poe m t o "N.P.P. " She compare d Nady a t o he r tormentin g an d fickle mus e wh o ha d the habi t o f appearin g suddenly , makin g he r "drun k wit h plea sure," the n leavin g he r jus t a s abruptl y withou t an y assurance s that sh e would eve r return (J-28) . At th e en d o f August , o n he r wa y hom e t o Taganrog , Parnok h stopped i n Rostov-on-Do n t o visi t relatives . Durin g he r visi t he r thoughts wer e completel y centere d o n he r ne w love. On Augus t 2 9 she wrote thre e poem s t o Nadya , al l o f whic h conve y th e intensit y of he r passio n an d he r feelin g o f bein g victimize d b y he r lover , who, sh e wrote , gav e he r "al l th e rapture s o f paradise " whil e "pushing [her ] int o hel l wit h he r ow n hand! " (J-31) . Nadya' s "mad caresses " mad e he r "drunk, " bu t sh e coul d no t depen d o n them and , i n effect , accuse d Nady a o f bein g a tease . In "Lov e i s gone. Th e tuberose s hav e faded, " sh e complaine d tha t Nady a di d not reall y lov e her an d wante d mos t o f al l to mak e her suffer . Tha t was wh y sh e "love[d ] an d suffer[ed ] withou t end , curse[d ] th e da y of [their ] first meeting , an d sob[be d her ] night s away. " Prid e kep t her fro m showin g he r tear s t o Nadya , yet , a s sh e admitte d a t th e end o f th e poem, he r capriciou s love r ha d onl y t o hin t a t a rendez vous, and sh e could tormen t he r a s much a s she pleased . She invoked Nady a mor e mysteriousl y i n "Elegy, " a n allegori -

36 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . "

cal fair y tal e abou t blac k rose s an d whit e lilie s tha t gro w i n a southern garden. 29 O n th e day before he r wedding, a princess picks the rose s an d lilies . Sh e put s th e lilie s i n he r hai r an d pin s th e roses ove r he r boso m t o hid e he r smal l bu t noticeabl e breasts— a charming detai l fro m th e ver y rea l lif e o f a typically self-consciou s teenage girl . Sniffin g th e blac k roses , th e princes s goe s t o a magi c castle wher e sh e an d he r princ e mak e love . Th e rose s remai n o n her rumple d clothes , bu t th e dewdrop s o n the m dry . A s fo r th e lilies, the y fade , n o longe r neede d b y th e princess . Afte r adornin g her soft , war m bed , they hav e los t their fragrance. 30 However tormente d b y Nady a Sony a ma y hav e felt , howeve r deeply i n lov e sh e believe d hersel f t o be , she pursued othe r wome n throughout th e cours e o f thei r relationship , exhibitin g a typ e o f nonmonogamous behavio r characteristi c o f he r unti l he r thirties . By th e beginnin g o f th e ne w year , sh e foun d hersel f attracte d t o three differen t wome n a t onc e an d wrot e poem s t o the m all . Th e first wa s E . T. Veisberg , "th e bacchante, " whos e specia l attractio n lay i n he r "brilliant , marvelous , fantasti c eyes " (J-34) . Then ther e was E.D.S. , possibl y a n olde r woman , wh o like d t o giv e Parnok h "moral lectures " on he r waywardness . This "ster n Femida " hardl y made Sony a wee p fo r he r sins , however . Onc e sh e realize d th e lectures wer e a n instanc e o f "th e po t callin g th e kettl e black, " al l she wanted t o d o afte r hearin g the m wa s "t o kis s [E.D. ] al l over. " She got som e satisfactio n fro m th e fac t tha t he r moralist' s admon ishments wer e inevitabl y followe d b y "completel y differen t words," "tha t marvelou s femal e tenderness, " an d a loo k i n E.D.' s eyes that expresse d genuin e feelings, "albei t goo d ones " (J-32 , "T o a Woman") . Not al l he r flirtation s a t thi s tim e wer e lighthearted . He r re peated attractio n t o tyrannical , spoile d wome n mad e he r vulnera ble to hur t fro m on e "col d an d playful " gir l who, she wrote, toye d with he r a s if sh e were a pawn. Sh e seemed t o Parnok h t o embod y Fate herself , a girl-chil d wh o enjoye d smashin g on e lif e t o piece s only t o replac e i t wit h anothe r (J-35 , "Fate") . Thi s poe m reveal s

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 3

7

Parnok's penchan t fo r lyrica l allegory , a tendenc y sh e woul d de velop in the verse of he r immediat e post-gymnasium years . In a self-critica l moo d tha t winter , th e adolescen t poe t gav e a telling assessmen t o f he r ow n wor k a t th e beginnin g o f "Repl y t o a Letter," anothe r o f he r numerou s vers e epistles . Thi s on e wa s addressed t o a loca l bo n vivan t an d "prolifi c author " wh o ha d possibly show n a n interes t i n her poems : My poems breathe neither inexplicable charm, nor tender, floral scents, nor irresistible beauty. They contain no marvelous harmony, their diversity of hues pains the eye; and they lack that charming purity which the heavens gleam with. But one can, though merely by chance, sparkle in meager luxury. All the more so since I simply can not be in anybody's debt. (J-36) She alread y too k prid e i n he r nonindebtednes s t o others . Lik e a goo d mother , sh e embrace d he r poem s despit e thei r manifol d weaknesses becaus e the y wer e he r own . Eve n th e mos t appealin g and beautifu l poem s sh e migh t adop t an d mak e par t o f he r broo d would alway s hav e alie n bloo d runnin g i n their line s and woul d b e merely he r "step-poems, " s o to speak . As Sony a entere d he r fina l month s a t th e gymnasium , sh e in creasingly becam e a sourc e o f disturbanc e t o he r father . Althoug h her grade s wer e excellent , sh e showe d n o inclinatio n fo r furthe r study an d seeme d t o lac k focu s an d ambition . Al l sh e care d abou t was poetr y an d music , bu t a s fa r a s Yako v Solomonovic h coul d see, she applied hersel f t o neither . More worrisome t o him were her "tastes. " She had a lot of mal e friends; a coupl e o f them , includin g th e so n o f thei r friend s th e Iofs, ha d eve n mad e marriag e proposal s t o her , bu t i t wa s plai n that non e o f the m appeale d t o he r romantically . He r persisten t

38 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . "

crushes o n olde r wome n an d he r intens e friendship s wit h othe r girls concerne d him—the y n o longe r seeme d perfectl y normal . H e found i t impossibl e t o tal k wit h hi s olde r daughter , however . Sh e was rathe r lik e hi m i n som e ways—passionate , proud , obstinate . But sh e appeare d t o bea r hi m a grudg e an d no t t o car e abou t hi m at all . Parnokh an d he r fathe r bega n to have words abou t her irrespon sibility, impatience , impulsiv e behavior , an d mostly , on e imagines , about he r lesbianism , althoug h n o doub t th e word wa s neve r men tioned. Perhaps , afte r on e especiall y unpleasan t ro w a t th e en d o f February, Sony a withdre w t o he r roo m i n proud an d angr y silence and poure d ou t he r rag e i n th e poe m "T o M y Judges. " He r com plaints, arguments, an d defense s cam e out helter-skelte r a s one lin e artlessly interrupte d th e next : I'm in pain. I lack the strength to speak . . . Perhaps I am pathetic, perhaps I am worthless . . . I can't keep you from thinkin g that. . . But judges! The accusation is false! After thi s first outburst , sh e began , almos t unconsciously , t o reverse th e balanc e o f powe r betwee n hersel f an d he r "judges. " Instead o f tryin g to answe r thei r accusations , she began t o questio n her accusers : But are the surges of my passions, their profundity, know n to you? And do you have the ability to desire something as strongly as I? Suddenly, i t seemed t o he r tha t th e power o f he r "judges " ove r he r was a n illusion : No, no! Not I, it's you who are powerless! And is it for the likes of you to judge me?! . . . Having recovere d he r self-possession , sh e gaine d som e insigh t int o her weaknesse s an d als o her potential strengths :

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 3

9

And if I, pathetic creature that I am, could meld some patience with the force of my desire, then I, pathetic creature that I am, would subdue the world entire. (J-37) During th e sprin g prio r t o he r graduation , i f we ar e t o trus t he r poems, Parnok h le d th e sor t o f fas t an d furiou s romanti c lif e tha t her firs t love r i n Balaclav a ha d introduce d he r t o an d tha t th e cynical "olde r friend " i n "Correspondence " ha d recommended . I t was a lif e tha t combine d a serie s o f "reignin g wome n o f th e mo ment" (J-41 ) with her continuing passion fo r Polyakova , the flames of whic h appea r t o hav e bee n fanne d b y Nadya' s absence . On e March lyri c began : The colder your letters are, the longer your silences, the harder the waiting, the more tormentedly I love! Your image floats up before me . . . it recalls a storm of caresses . . . and it arouses my passion, and I love more tormentedly. (J-42 ) A fe w day s late r sh e mus t hav e finally hear d fro m Nady a afte r a long, nearly unbearabl e silence . Excited an d enraptured , sh e stare d in amazemen t a t Nadya' s pictur e an d pondere d lyrically , "Wh y d o I love you, do you know?" (J-43) . She focused o n a n aural memor y of "th e whispe r o f a sleep y wave " becaus e i t brough t he r fantasie s to lif e an d helpe d he r t o remembe r th e wa y sh e an d Nady a ha d been th e previou s summe r i n Gurzuf . Eve r sinc e then , he r poe m continued, "th e rapturou s languo r o f moonli t nights " intoxicate d her lik e win e becaus e sh e ha d "see n tha t languo r shinin g a t th e bottom o f [Nadya's ] eyes, " an d t o he r i t wa s "mor e beautifu l than stars , an d hotte r tha n fire. I t caresse d [her ] s o marvelousl y at times. " Yet her renewe d passio n fo r th e absen t Nadezhda continue d no t to inhibi t he r wantin g othe r wome n wh o wer e nearer—fo r exam -

40 "THA

T MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . "

pie, L. , t o who m sh e dedicate d a poe m o n Ma y 1 6 tha t began , "The forc e an d passio n o f you r kis s / prope l m e int o jo y an d misery" (J-46) . Afte r L . kisse d her , sh e couldn' t "sobe r up, " an d wanted onl y one thing—to b e kissed again . L. was another woma n with a "powerful gaze, " who "intoxicated " Parnok h an d mad e he r "submissive." Onc e "passion' s merciles s blaze " ha d flare d u p i n her, sh e could no t pu t i t out . In th e spring , a new , nonsexua l passio n foun d a n expressiv e outlet i n Parnokh' s poetry : he r lov e fo r Russia , whic h sh e per ceived, symbolically , bot h a s self an d a s other (mother) . In th e first of tw o poem s entitle d "Russia, " sh e personifie d "enormou s Rus sia" a s an unreasonabl e chil d whose inne r space , like her own , wa s full o f "homeles s thoughts " an d "ma d impulses, " an d who , lik e her, ha d no t reall y awakene d yet , o r realized he r potential (J-44) . In th e nex t poe m abou t he r homeland , sh e compare d Russi a t o a sleepin g beaut y awaitin g he r savio r prince , a princ e wh o wa s faraway an d obliviou s t o th e moan s o f th e beauty' s "embattle d Truth" (J-47) . Bot h "Russia " poem s expresse d th e "sleeping " poet's underlyin g desir e to have her course directed an d to be saved from he r dorman t state . Indeed, Parnokh' s persisten t aimlessnes s an d indolenc e woul d become constan t refrain s no t onl y i n he r poems , bu t i n he r letter s to intimates . Sh e wa s painfull y awar e tha t sh e ha d emerge d int o young adulthoo d "i n lov e [only ] with liberty, " "directin g her flight merely fo r th e sak e o f flight" (#120) . B y compariso n wit h he r more goal-oriente d peers , sh e fel t impulse-drive n an d bega n t o wonder i f she did no t nee d t o b e saved fro m herself . She must hav e conveyed thi s nee d t o others , especiall y t o peopl e sh e loved , sinc e so man y o f he r clos e friend s an d lover s appea r t o hav e fel t chal lenged t o b e her savio r princ e o r princess. 31 At th e en d o f he r schoo l years , however , Sony a ofte n doubte d that Russia' s an d he r ow n savio r woul d come . The poeti c speake r of he r first "Russia " poe m therefor e praye d t o Go d t o mak e th e stars spea k t o th e princ e an d tel l hi m tha t Russia' s "misfortun e

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 4

1

was nigh, " tha t he r enemie s ha d "gon e of f an d burie d ou r trut h somewhere / an d crookednes s rule s th e land " (J-44) . Sh e wa s becoming impatien t wit h savio r prince s an d thei r wretchedl y lon g latency periods . As Sonya' s lov e an d empath y fo r Russi a intensified , s o di d he r brother Valya' s hatre d fo r hi s homeland . I n th e sprin g o f 1903 , he was almos t twelv e an d completin g his second yea r a t th e Taganro g Boys' Gymnasium . Valy a ha d viewe d gettin g int o th e gymnasiu m as th e first difficul t hurdl e o n hi s wa y t o fulfillin g hi s drea m o f attending St. Petersburg University. He later recalled: "Ther e was a set o f gymnastic s ring s i n ou r stable , an d I thought o f th e entranc e exams a s gol d ring s o n whic h on e ha d t o d o th e mos t difficult , acrobatic tricks . I accomplishe d th e first 'acrobati c act, ' I spen t eight years a t th e gymnasium , an d durin g those whole eigh t years I was th e onl y Jew amon g th e Russian s an d Greek s i n my class." 32 Valya's schoo l experienc e mad e hi m fee l muc h mor e alienate d ethnically tha n Sonya' s did—bu t then , sh e was b y fa r no t th e onl y Jew i n he r class . Ye t the y share d th e bon d o f growin g u p wit h a n awareness o f bein g different . Sh e probably understoo d he r brothe r better tha n anyon e els e i n th e famil y (the y wer e apparentl y ver y close as children) , while a t th e sam e time sh e was competitiv e wit h him (the y wer e bot h gifte d i n writing , music , an d languages) . In adolescence, whe n sh e wa s strugglin g wit h he r ow n alienation , Sonya ha d littl e compassio n fo r Valya' s sufferings . Sh e thought h e was "neurotic " an d pron e t o exaggerat e th e degre e o f anti-Semi tism he experienced . She herself manifeste d a s intens e a n identificatio n wit h Israe l a s with Russia . Judgin g b y th e poe m "T o th e Jews " (J-45) , sh e per ceived Israe l a s Russia' s opposite , ye t a n opposit e tha t wa s par t o f her self , too . Russi a wa s a chil d whil e Israe l wa s "ol d an d long suffering." In som e way s th e Jews represente d he r mode l o f differ ence; the y wer e "immorta l b y virtu e o f thei r humility , incompara ble i n th e sadnes s o f thei r fate. " Lik e Russia , sh e though t tha t Israel "wa s slumbering. " It s awakening , however , woul d no t com e

42 "THA

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from th e kis s of a (possibl y tardy ) fair y prince . Rather, "intensifie d humiliations an d oppression s [woul d spark ] Israel' s dimmin g star " (J-45). Parnokh graduate d fro m th e gymnasiu m wit h a gold medal , th e equivalent o f ou r summ a cu m laude . Th e las t thre e poem s i n he r notebook, al l occasional piece s from Ma y 1903 , suggest a typically up-and-down graduatio n moo d o f lookin g ahea d an d sayin g good bye. In mid-May , wit h Tchaikovsky' s pian o piec e "Autum n Song " in mind , sh e wrote a "littl e ditty " o f he r ow n i n th e albu m o f on e of he r friends , Liz a Danziger : Twilight time autumnal. Greyish all around . . . Sparse and thinning forest, river, naked ground. Earth is hidden under a yellow covering, Dusky like the song, the ditty that I sing. I don't feel like singing songs as bright as day, I don't feel like singing in general anyway . . . Twilight time autumnal. Greyish all around, That, my dearest friend, i s how our life is bound. (J-48) The conclusio n t o Parnokh' s juvenil e writings , "Impromptu . To M y Informatio n Bureau, " i s i n a similarl y comic-ironi c vein . Parodying th e for m o f th e classi c poe m o f farewell—o f whic h sh e would becom e a masterl y an d seriou s exponen t a t th e en d o f he r life—the eighteen-year-ol d poe t sai d "than k you " an d goodby e t o a "dea r friend, " whos e word s an d faithfu l imag e sh e woul d recal l "whenever disaste r strikes! " (J-50) . That frien d wa s he r "informa tion bureau, " a referenc e boo k o r encyclopedi a o f som e sort , per haps, which "explaine d a mass of divers e matters" and was "usefu l in many ways. " Parnok's juvenili a gav e littl e indication , a t leas t technically , o f the poe t sh e wa s t o become . Onl y her e an d ther e d o individua l lines provide a n inkling of her lyrica l potential. Thematically, how ever, th e juvenili a ar e bette r predictor s o f th e futur e Parnok . Lov e was th e adolescen t poet' s favorit e theme , an d lov e lyric s woul d continue t o b e on e o f th e matur e Parnok' s mos t importan t genres ,

"THAT MARVELOU S FEMAL E TENDERNES S . . . " 4

3

ultimately constitutin g mor e tha n a thir d o f he r entir e know n output. Althoug h sh e dre w upo n literar y (heterosexual ) model s (mainly fro m Germa n Romanti c poetry ) i n severa l o f he r juvenil e love poems, from th e beginning her best efforts wer e autobiograph ically inspired an d ope n abou t he r lesbian orientation . He r obviou s desire to write her ow n lov e life int o Russia n poetr y mad e the issue of he r affectiona l preferenc e cruciall y importan t t o he r creativ e development. In orde r t o becom e th e poe t sh e wa s capabl e o f becoming, Parno k woul d hav e t o challeng e th e artisti c an d mora l norms o f he r nationa l poeti c tradition an d culture . Parnok's earl y identificatio n o f he r mus e wit h on e o f he r lovers , Nadezhda Polyakova , als o demonstrate d ho w closel y he r sexualit y was linke d wit h he r creativity . He r artisti c an d eroti c interactio n with Polyakov a establishe d th e typ e o f relationshi p Parno k woul d enjoy throughou t he r lif e wit h he r creativ e spiri t an d self , on e i n which th e poe t fel t bot h bound , o r leashed , t o he r mus e b y th e bonds o f lov e an d inspiration , an d boun d fo r he r mus e b y th e yearning to find a poetic home i n which t o creat e her being. 33

2.

" Lov e Summon s Me , andI Won' t Contradict Her... "

After Parnokh' s comi c poem o f farewell , al l traces o f he r vanis h for tw o years . I t i s unlikel y tha t sh e stoppe d writin g durin g thi s time, but whatever sh e did write has been lost. It is equally unlikel y that sh e spen t th e whol e tw o year s i n Taganrog , bu t wher e sh e might hav e gon e i s als o a matte r o f supposition . Sinc e sh e ha d a n uncle i n St . Petersburg , i t i s possibl e tha t sh e spen t som e tim e visiting him i n the capital . She ma y als o hav e live d i n Mosco w durin g par t o f thos e tw o years. Towar d th e en d o f he r lif e sh e onc e happene d t o reminisc e about th e tim e i n he r lat e teen s whe n sh e an d anothe r gir l live d i n Moscow unde r th e patronag e o f a well-know n prim a ballerina , Yekaterina Geltser , wh o ha d bee n dancin g a t th e Bolsho i Balle t since 1898 . Geltse r wa s a remarkabl e dancer , bu t apparentl y a jealous an d tyrannica l patroness . Parno k recalle d tha t whe n sh e herself wa s no t dancing , sh e woul d tak e Sony a an d he r othe r charge to si t with he r i n her loge at the Bolshoi. Neither o f the girl s dared t o prais e an y o f th e othe r ballerinas ' dancin g i n Geltser' s presence, however , fo r i f eithe r o f the m simpl y coul d no t restrai n herself an d burs t ou t i n applaus e o r prais e fo r anothe r ballerina , 44

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Geltser woul d silentl y pinc h th e offende r ou t o f "malic e an d jealousy." 1 Nevertheless, Parnok' s lov e fo r th e balle t wa s kindle d unde r Geltser's patronage , an d sh e genuinely admire d he r patroness's art . As a n adul t sh e enthusiasticall y attende d Geltser' s performances , and afte r on e o f them , i n Octobe r 1915 , sh e wrot e a poem , "T o Yekaterina Geltser, " i n which sh e compared th e prima ballerin a o f the Silve r Ag e t o th e leadin g Russia n ballerin a o f Alexande r Push kin's Golde n Ag e (#31) . Parnok' s extensiv e collectio n o f photo graphs include d tw o o f Geltser , fro m 191 4 an d 1926 , inscribed , respectively "T o dea r an d love d Sophi a Yakovlevna " an d "T o dea r and love d Sony a Parnok." 2 Parnokh's youthfu l relationshi p wit h Geltse r appear s t o hav e been anothe r instanc e wher e bein g love d brough t th e youn g poet pai n a s wel l a s pleasure . Still , i t seeme d preferabl e t o lif e in he r father' s hous e i n Taganrog , wher e he r lac k o f financial independence force d he r t o return , an d where , i t seeme d t o her, sh e receive d pai n withou t love . B y 190 5 th e miser y o f he r situation ther e ha d intensified , an d sh e sough t a mor e per manent escape . Sh e manage d t o persuad e he r fathe r t o sen d he r to Europe , convincin g hi m tha t sh e wante d t o stud y musi c i n Geneva. Yakov Solomonovic h probabl y di d no t kno w tha t hi s waywar d older daughte r ha d falle n i n love with a n actres s an d tha t he r mai n reason fo r leavin g he r "paterna l threshold " wa s t o pursu e thi s latest infatuation. 3 Man y year s later , i n th e lyric , "Why , o h wh y from my paterna l threshold " (#95), Parno k acknowledge d tha t her first tri p abroa d seeme d t o he r t o hav e initiate d a patter n o f having bee n "abducted " ou t o f Russi a "b y love " o n th e eve s o f fateful historica l events : Why, oh why from m y paternal threshold when a fateful happenin g was brewing was I led away beneath some foreign sky by you, my fearsome tourguide, Love? (#95)

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Parnokh settle d i n Geneva—i t i s remotel y possibl e sh e ha d relatives there 4 —and a t th e en d o f Ma y whe n Russi a endure d it s humiliating defea t fro m th e Japanese a t Tsushima , sh e foun d her self "close d i n b y Alpin e summits " (#95) . Th e new s o f Tsushim a "offended" he r patriotic , Russophil e heart , bu t coul d no t dampe n her hig h spirit s an d th e exhilaratin g sens e o f freedo m tha t mad e the year sh e spent i n Europe " a splendi d time, " one of the happies t times in her adul t lif e (#197) . During he r tim e abroa d Parnok h corresponde d regularl y wit h Vladimir Volkenshtein . Th e "celebrate d Vovochka, " a s Sony a hailed hi m i n a 190 3 "Impromptu, " wa s himsel f a n aspirin g poet . By 190 5 h e ha d becom e Sonya' s bes t frien d a s wel l a s th e firs t person sh e had know n wh o too k a n activ e and informe d interes t i n her writing. 5 Volkenshtein wa s tw o year s olde r tha n Parnokh . Hi s fathe r wa s a clos e frien d o f a well-know n write r whos e hous e i n Petersbur g had bee n a meetin g plac e fo r peopl e i n literatur e an d ar t sinc e th e mid-nineteenth century . Th e Volkenshteins belonge d t o a n intellectually high-powere d set , th e prerevolutionary , largel y liberal , Rus sian-Jewish Petersbur g intelligentsia , whos e member s ha d com pletely assimilate d int o mainstrea m Russia n cultur e an d wh o ben t their considerabl e academi c an d creativ e talent s t o fosterin g tha t culture. Severa l o f the m wer e Russophiles . Some , lik e Volken shtein's materna l grandfather , wh o die d i n 1904 , had converte d t o Russian Orthodoxy . One o f youn g Volkenshtein' s closes t friend s a t thi s tim e wa s a n aspiring composer , Mikhai l Gnesin , a Je w fro m Rostov-on-Don . He an d Vladimi r wer e th e sam e ag e an d ha d me t i n 190 1 whe n they were both beginnin g their studen t careers , Volkenshtein i n th e philology departmen t o f St . Petersbur g Universit y an d Gnesi n a t the conservatory . Volkenshtei n introduce d hi s frien d fro m th e provinces int o th e variou s an d ofte n competin g circle s an d salon s that playe d a n integra l rol e in encouraging th e rich intellectua l an d artistic life o f th e capital .

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Like mos t o f hi s friends , Volkenshtei n wa s no t onl y wel l edu cated, bu t als o well traveled. I n the summer o f 190 4 h e and Gnesi n made a n adventurou s tri p throug h Ital y an d th e Mediterranean . Having littl e money , the y travele d fourt h clas s fro m Rostov-on Don t o Venice , spen t a mont h i n Ital y an d returne d b y se a fro m Naples t o Odessa . O n thei r wa y the y mad e stop s i n Sicily , Crete , Athens, Smyrna , Khios , an d Constantinople . Volkenshtei n late r recalled, "Th e ship' s hold , wher e fourth-clas s passenger s wer e as signed plank-beds, was dirt y an d stifling, an d w e preferred t o slee p on th e deck . W e wer e awakene d a t five in th e mornin g whe n the y washed th e deck s down . The y fe d u s o n beans . Bu t i t wa s a n unforgettable journey . Seethin g life , th e ruin s o f classica l culture , the Aegean landscape , thousand s o f islands." 6 For hi s part , Gnesi n late r recalle d Volkenshtei n i n yout h a s a n "extraordinarily merry " fello w wh o suffere d fro m a n exorbitan t fear o f death . "Sometimes, " th e compose r wrote , "h e woul d sin k into th e mos t intens e gloo m an d coul d no t ge t ou t o f i t fo r week s at a time." 7 By 1905 , on e o f th e leadin g symbolis t circle s i n St . Petersbur g gathered weekl y aroun d a reputedl y bisexua l couple : th e classica l scholar an d poe t Vyachesla v Ivano v an d hi s write r wife , Lydi a Zinovyeva-Annibal. 8 Gnesin , wh o ha d bee n coo l t o th e so-calle d first generatio n o f decaden t poet s tha t burs t o n th e scen e i n th e 1890s, develope d a passionate enthusias m fo r th e mor e mysticall y oriented secon d generatio n o f symbolists , an d h e becam e a fre quent visito r a t th e Ivanovs ' apartment , whic h wa s know n a s "th e Tower." Volkenshtein , however , di d no t car e fo r symbolis m an d went t o the Ivanovs' only rarely . Parnokh share d hi s antisymbolis t viewpoin t an d foun d i n him a friend whos e intellectua l interest s an d artisti c taste s wer e nearl y identical t o he r own . The y wer e simila r i n othe r way s too . Bot h had a goo d sens e o f humor , enjoye d parodies , puns , an d prankis h escapades. Bot h love d musi c an d fel t comfortabl e i n th e compan y of musicians . In short , the y wer e extremel y compatible . Lookin g

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back o n th e positiv e sid e o f he r friendshi p wit h Volkenshtein , Parnok wrote : "W e wer e splendidl y suite d t o on e anothe r i n term s of intellectua l an d mora l developmen t an d artisti c tastes , an d pre cisely for tha t reason we should neve r have spoiled our relationshi p by getting married." 9 Volkenshtein's intellectua l polis h mus t have impressed Parnokh , and wit h reason , bu t sh e may not have realized a t first tha t intellec t and poeti c talen t ar e tw o ver y differen t things . Volkenshtei n pos sessed a considerabl y smalle r natura l gif t fo r poetr y tha n she , an d the poem s h e wa s writin g i n hi s studen t year s wer e i n n o wa y superior t o hers . H e wa s th e las t perso n i n a positio n t o giv e he r advice o n becomin g a poet . (Eventually , h e gav e u p poetr y an d turned t o play writing.) Parnokh's persona l likin g fo r Volkenshtei n an d he r respec t fo r his superior educatio n blinde d he r t o hi s weaknesses a s a poet. Sh e believed sh e genuinel y like d hi s work . Worse , sh e looke d t o hi m for advic e i n improvin g he r ow n writing , abou t whic h sh e fel t increasingly doubtfu l an d insecure . (Sh e made a similarl y unhapp y choice o f literar y adviso r i n Gnesin , whose criticis m sh e sought fo r years, despit e th e fac t tha t h e wa s no t eve n a writer. ) Onl y muc h later di d sh e realize tha t Volkenshtein' s "authorit y oppresse d [her ] in all ways." 1 0 In 190 5 sh e wa s a lon g wa y fro m thi s insight . Volkenshtei n seemed t o b e a savio r o f sorts , who like d her , accepte d he r sexual ity—or, a t least , claime d no t t o b e bothere d b y it—nurture d he r talent, an d wa s eage r t o hel p wit h practica l advic e and , later , wit h what influenc e wit h editor s h e possessed . Whil e Parnok h was abroad , sh e regularl y sen t Volkenshtei n wha t sh e wa s writ ing an d filled he r letter s wit h detaile d discussion s o f he r poem s and his . Her lyric s fro m thi s period , almos t entirel y unpublished , dif fered greatl y fro m th e technicall y les s proficien t poem s sh e ha d written i n he r gymnasiu m years . Mos t strikingly , th e variou s hu man subject s wh o ha d filled th e worl d o f he r juvenilia—the poeti c

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speaker, he r femal e friend s an d lovers , the actres s Seluc-Rasnatow skaya, th e Penz a schoolteacher , Zhenya , Ilichk a Rediktin , Nady usha—disappeared entirel y fro m th e poem s o f he r earl y "Vol kenshtein period. " The y wer e replace d b y abstrac t an d allegorica l entities: Indifference , Dispassion , Audacity , Intellect , Beauty , Death, Thought, and , especially , Life . For th e mos t part , he r poem s o f thi s tim e (mos t o f whic h ar e undated) als o lacke d specificall y lesbia n contents . Thi s wa s no t a coincidence. Althoug h Volkenshtei n probabl y neve r consciousl y tried t o discourag e hi s frien d fro m writin g abou t he r sexuality , h e did guid e he r i n th e directio n o f hi s ow n les s life-base d lyricism . Eager fo r hi s approval , sh e followe d hi s lead , probabl y a s uncon sciously a s sh e ha d earlie r followe d he r ow n inclinatio n fo r auto biographical lyricism . A certai n suggestio n o f femal e same-se x interaction s ca n some times b e discerne d i n Parnokh' s allegorica l poems , however . I t obtains fro m th e poet' s frequen t personificatio n an d animatio n o f abstract noun s whic h ac t lik e lyrical femal e impersonators , i n thei r relationships wit h on e another . On e o f th e mos t importan t suc h female impersonator s i n th e allegorica l worl d o f Parnokh' s earl y verse i s Empres s Life . Severa l poem s meditat e upo n he r (Life's ) relationship an d struggl e wit h he r powerfu l femal e archenemy , Thought. Whe n Though t conquer s Life , hopes and passions don't exist, and the skeleton of empress-life , once proud and powerful, arise s in all her shameful nakednes s and stands before impartial thought . A crowd of blind men mindlessly and dully follows afte r her : and thought severely eyes them all, and life appears to her absurd and ruthlessly monosyllabic, and she no longer can descend from her great height to earth. 11

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Some o f th e masterpiece s o f Parnok' s matur e poetr y revea l tha t allegory was not i n itself uncongenia l t o her talent. Her bes t allegories wer e usuall y roote d i n he r specificall y lesbia n "wa y o f think ing," 12 however . Anothe r earl y exampl e i s the poe m "Life, " writ ten in 1905 . Though no t a good poem , it did reflec t somethin g tha t came fro m withi n th e poe t an d define d bot h he r attitud e towar d life an d he r eroti c relationship s wit h wome n a s sh e had illustrate d them mor e spontaneousl y an d concretel y i n man y o f he r juvenil e poems: Life is a woman. Merely by her own seductions intoxicated, she will stand above her victim. The more unhappy is the soul that lies before her, the fuller sh e all is with unrestrained desire. How often he r mysterious gaze has hovered over my soul with powerful inquisitiveness , but merely had my soul to quiver in responding— and silently, with unconcern, she sought the distance. 13 During he r Volkenshtei n perio d Parnok h treate d he r poeti c speaker differentl y a s well . Afte r bein g constantl y onstag e a s a living acto r i n th e gymnasiu m poems , sh e retreate d modestl y be hind th e scenes . Whenever sh e emerged fo r a brie f appearance , sh e let he r sou l upstag e her . Parnokh' s ne w spotligh t o n he r sou l reflected a seriou s proces s o f lookin g inwar d a s wel l a s a ferven t desire to brin g her sou l out int o her poetry : Perhaps because I wished to fall in love with being with so much obstinate avidity, I felt more vividly how bottomlessly dispassion for it had come over me. But what of now? Can I be captivated by life in an enraptured rush I do not understand? My soul luxuriates in boundless freedom , as if inhaling life for the first time. 14 The them e o f th e poet' s soul , an d he r (th e soul's ) separat e lif e both withi n an d alongsid e th e poet' s body , prove d t o b e th e mos t

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creatively productiv e see d o f th e man y whic h Parnok h scattere d i n her Volkenshtei n period . Th e harves t fro m tha t soul-see d la y som e twenty year s i n th e future , bu t th e poe t seeme d t o sens e it s poten tial fo r creativ e growt h i n th e lyrica l advic e sh e gav e herself i n thi s early Octobe r 190 5 poem : Just listen, how amidst inspired dreaming the soul will suddenly lay bare its secret curves. Let your thought illuminate them brightly with creation's breath in an audacious surge. You will see, then, how the endless distance so easily and wondrously removes its haze, and there upon a lofty pedestal of marble the depth of worlds feels Beauty's silent gaze.15 By th e en d o f th e yea r Parnok h an d he r actres s frien d wer e apparently n o longe r together , an d th e poe t foun d hersel f i n mor e sober company . Sh e wa s stil l i n Geneva , bu t no w livin g a t th e Plekhanovs, the family o f th e Marxist theoretician , Georg y Plekha nov. The y wer e par t o f th e larg e Russia n expatriat e communit y i n Switzerland, whic h wa s compose d mainl y o f revolutionarie s escap ing persecution i n Russia . Although th e majorit y o f Parnokh' s Petersbur g friends , includ ing Volkenshtein , Gnesin , an d Yuli a Veisber g ( a young composer , like Gnesin , i n th e Rimsky-Korsako v circle) , ha d take n a n activ e part i n revolutionar y studen t politics , sh e hersel f wa s no t politi cally engaged . He r Russophilism , a n attitud e ofte n associate d wit h the Russia n righ t wing , wa s essentiall y a matte r o f persona l poli tics. Ideologies , war , an d violenc e alienate d he r whethe r the y wer e promulgated b y th e tsaris t governmen t o r late r b y th e Sovie t re gime. Sh e instinctivel y sa w the m a s havin g nothin g t o d o wit h patriotism, whic h sh e considered, characteristically , a for m o f lov e that on e either ha d o r di d not hav e in one's blood . Perhap s becaus e she di d lov e Russia , sh e late r fel t somewha t guilt y abou t spendin g the fatefu l yea r 190 5 awa y fro m he r "nativ e fields" (#95), pursu ing the amorou s pleasure s o f he r happy , carefree , youn g life .

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In mid-Decembe r he r travel s too k he r t o Florenc e wher e sh e went with th e Plekhanovs. In the third stanz a o f the autobiographi cal poe m "Why , o h wh y fro m m y paterna l threshold " (#95) , sh e portrayed thi s tri p a s th e secon d o f he r romanti c jaunt s wit h he r "fearsome tourguide , love" — Why, oh why not earlier, not later,— but the day when Presnya was rebelling, not a fugitive an d not an exile, was I walking over Tasso's land? (#95 ) The spiri t o f thes e line s rathe r contradict s th e realit y o f trave l wit h the Plekhanovs , who m sh e describe d t o Volkenshtei n a s "interest ing types , bu t endlessl y borin g i n actuality." 16 Perhap s sh e use d a little poeti c licens e i n th e poe m s o tha t al l he r travel s woul d illus trate a pattern sh e had discerne d i n her life . Alternatively, sh e ma y have had a n Italia n romanc e abou t whic h nothin g i s known . By th e middl e o f Januar y sh e wa s bac k i n Genev a an d experi menting wit h ne w form s o f self-expression . A lette r t o Volken shtein fro m thi s tim e containe d par t o f a piec e calle d "Dream, " which, sh e wrote , wa s "somethin g stil l les s finished, bu t mor e interesting fro m m y poin t o f vie w i n term s o f thought . It' s no t prose an d no t verse." 17 "Dream" narrate d a n allegor y o f Parnokh' s ongoin g interactio n with Life . Th e poeti c speake r addresse s a woma n standin g i n a crowd o f gapers and watching Life, who is "dancing a wild dance. " Then th e addressee vanishes, and th e speaker doe s not know wher e she ha s gone . The los t Othe r (o r self ) eventuall y come s t o th e sea , to whic h sh e scream s ou t he r ange r a s i t roll s o n "i n suprem e beauty an d dispassionat e magnificence. " Unfortunately , th e re maining page s o f th e lette r tha t containe d th e dream' s conclusio n were lost . Before leavin g fo r Italy , Parnok h ha d finally enrolle d i n th e Geneva Conservator y o f Music , bu t he r ter m o f stud y ther e wa s

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shortlived. Somethin g happene d i n th e middl e o f th e sprin g semes ter tha t le d her t o chang e he r plans radicall y an d retur n t o Russia . It i s possibl e tha t genera l politica l condition s a t hom e playe d a role i n mandatin g he r return . In th e wak e o f th e Presny a rebellio n in mid-December, whic h i s generally considere d t o mark th e end of the 190 5 Revolution , th e tsa r bega n t o strik e bac k a t th e revolu tionaries an d initiate d reprisal s agains t them. In 190 6 Volkenshtei n became on e o f hundred s o f student s expelle d fro m th e universit y for havin g participate d i n strike s an d disorders . Mor e activ e radi cals wer e exiled , persecuted , an d drive n undergroun d o r ou t o f Russia. Gradually , Nichola s I I retracted mos t o f th e constitutiona l rights he had grante d th e previous October . By th e beginnin g o f May , i f no t before , Parnok h wa s bac k i n Moscow an d apparentl y livin g wit h Nadezhd a Polyakov a i n a private hous e o n Tversko y Boulevard . Whe n sh e first arrived , sh e thought o f tryin g t o ge t publishe d i n th e prestigiou s symbolis t journal Golden Fleece, bu t precisel y th e symbolis t orientatio n o f the poem s sh e rea d i n th e journa l pu t he r off . Doubt s tha t sh e could ge t her poems accepte d i n suc h a high-powered journa l mus t also hav e daunte d her . Sh e wa s no t satisfie d wit h he r wor k an d seemed t o b e havin g a crisi s o f confidence : " I hav e onl y on e mo ment o f lov e fo r wha t I write, " sh e confesse d t o Volkenshtein , "when I imagin e wha t I thin k a s written . Bu t later , afte r I hav e already writte n it , I a m dissatisfied , annoyed , o r wors t o f all , indifferent." 18 Her dissatisfactio n stemme d i n larg e part , ironically , fro m he r almost religious aw e of words. They seeme d to her to b e somethin g "precious an d dangerous"—s o muc h s o that sh e felt a s if she wer e committing a sin "t o spea k the m withou t seeking , i.e., without first having gon e throug h al l th e anxietie s o f lookin g fo r th e righ t ones." 1 9 She als o turne d t o Gnesi n fo r advic e an d criticis m i n he r initia l efforts t o ge t published . A t th e en d o f Ma y sh e sen t hi m tw o

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poems, one of which expresse d he r lyrica l predicament: he r intens e creative desir e usually ende d i n silence for wan t o f he r own words : I so want to reflect my whole soul in my words, I so want to discover them in my soul's depths, what they say should not be accidental. But my impulse for searching's rebelliously-weak — I lack know-how in finding my words, and that's why I have made my soul subject to silence, and I hear in the silence her ebbings and flowings— I so want to shout out—I don't dare to. 20 As summe r cam e on , th e genera l stat e o f thing s gre w worse . Parnokh an d Polyakov a wer e stil l i n Mosco w an d di d no t kno w i f they coul d manag e t o ge t awa y somewher e t o th e country. 21 No r had the y decide d wher e t o go . The y wer e considerin g a tri p t o Poltava provinc e "i f nothin g interfered, " bu t somethin g apparentl y did com e u p tha t cancele d eve n thes e vagu e plans , an d i n Jun e Parnokh suddenl y returne d alon e t o he r "paterna l threshold " i n Taganrog. Before sh e left Moscow , sh e reconsidered th e possibility o f pub lishing in Golden Fleece and aske d Polyakov a t o go to the editoria l offices o f th e journa l an d fin d ou t i f the y wer e intereste d i n a fe w of he r poem s an d a translation sh e had don e o f a French articl e o n Ibsen. Polyakova's missio n ended in defeat. Th e head o f the literar y section tol d he r tha t th e journa l di d no t accep t translation s fro m the French . Durin g thei r conversatio n Volkenshtein' s nam e cam e up, an d th e edito r launche d int o a n attac k o n hi s poetry an d calle d it unoriginal , bana l versifying . Afte r that , Polyakov a decide d tha t nothing wa s t o b e expecte d fro m Golden Fleece an d lef t withou t showing the editor Parnokh' s poems. 22 The new s o f thi s firs t publishin g defea t reache d Parnok h i n Taganrog. Althoug h sh e ha d no t see n he r fathe r fo r ove r a year , his receptio n o f he r wa s fa r les s tha n a wished-fo r homecoming , and thei r difficul t relation s resume d wher e the y ha d lef t off . "I n my father' s eyes, " sh e wrot e t o Volkenshtein , "I' m jus t a crazy ,

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wayward gir l and nothin g more . My way of thinking an d my taste s offend hi s patriarchal virtue s an d h e condescends t o me." 2 3 Yako v Solomonovich defende d hi s "patriarcha l virtues " by putting Sony a on a strict an d reduce d allowance . After th e freedo m an d glamou r o f Europe , an d th e pleasure s o f life wit h Polyakov a i n Moscow , Taganro g mus t trul y hav e seeme d to Parnok h a lonel y an d provincia l hell . Sh e summe d u p wha t i t felt lik e t o liv e a t hom e tha t summe r b y quotin g t o Volkenshtei n two line s fro m a n epigra m h e ha d onc e writte n abou t he r father' s apothecary: "Bu t ther e i s silenc e al l around , a custome r i s hear d / Abruptly enterin g the drugstor e t o bu y himself a purge." 2 4 Parnokh use d he r Taganrog captivit y t o mak e a serious effort t o get published . Sh e wa s motivate d i n par t b y wantin g t o prov e t o her fathe r tha t sh e was no t th e craz y waywar d gir l he took he r for , and i n par t b y th e nee d t o ear n som e mone y t o supplemen t he r small allowance . He r unhapp y experienc e wit h Golden Fleece had convinced he r tha t i t wa s impossibl e fo r a n unknow n provincia l poet eve n t o thin k o f gettin g publishe d withou t persona l contacts . Since Volkenshtei n wa s a membe r o f th e permanen t staf f o f th e Petersburg Journal for Everyone, sh e turned t o hi m fo r advic e an d assistance i n approachin g th e editor, Viktor Mirolyubov . She had decide d t o brea k int o prin t wit h he r poe m "Life, " an d when sh e sent i t to Volkenshtein a t th e en d o f June fo r hi s prelimi nary criticism , sh e ha d mad e a second , importan t decision : "I f Mirolyubov accept s it , hav e hi m prin t i t unde r m y name—Sophi a Parnok ( I detes t th e lette r kh)" 15 25 He r reaso n fo r choosin g he r pseudonym appear s whimsica l unles s he r parenthetica l commen t about detestin g th e lette r kh ha d esoteri c meanin g fo r he r an d Vladimir. Th e fac t tha t sh e bothere d t o giv e an y explanatio n fo r such a minor change , however , suggest s tha t i t had significanc e fo r her, a significance , moreover , tha t sh e ma y no t hav e wishe d t o discuss, even with he r bes t friend . Women writer s d o no t choos e thei r pseudonym s idly , an d i t would b e an erro r t o dismis s Parnok' s a s merely caprice , or worse ,

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an attemp t t o hide her Jewishness, as some critics have suggested. 26 In decidin g t o writ e unde r a pseudonym , Parnok h wa s "creatin g an alte r ego , another possibilit y o f femal e destiny." 27 He r nee d fo r this othe r possibilit y ha d arise n fro m he r father' s paternalisti c condescension t o he r creativity . I t is significant tha t sh e considere d her pe n nam e t o b e her nam e a s well a s a nam e tha t distinguishe d her fro m he r fathe r an d he r chose n destin y fro m th e destin y h e wanted he r t o follow . A t the same time, her pen nam e was a s muc h her father' s nam e a s her s coul d b e whil e stil l bein g differen t fro m his, almos t a s i f sh e wer e acceptin g a s he r ow n everythin g o f he r father's excep t th e final guttura l elemen t tha t sh e detested . Like the typica l neophyte , Parno k wa s obsesse d ove r th e prope r forms t o b e followe d i n submittin g he r poe m fo r publication . Sh e asked Volkenshtei n fo r detaile d instruction s a s to wha t sh e shoul d write i n he r cove r lette r t o Mirolyubov , who m sh e shoul d addres s in the letter, how sh e should addres s him, and eve n how sh e shoul d address th e envelope . Mor e importantly , sh e added , "I t goe s with out sayin g tha t I won' t sen d Mirolyubo v a singl e poe m tha t ha s not go t you r preliminar y okay." 2 8 Volkenshtei n responde d b y es sentially rewritin g he r poe m (hi s edite d versio n o f "Life " i s unfor tunately no t extant) . This put Parno k i n a quandary: "M y poe m i n your edite d version, " sh e replied , "i s incomparabl y mor e finished, but I don't kno w i f it's still mine. I don't thin k i t is, and therefor e I can't mak e u p m y min d t o sen d i t to Mirolyubov." 29 The poe m "Life " neve r di d appea r i n print . Eithe r Parno k de cided no t t o submi t it , o r sh e di d an d i t wa s rejected . I n th e end , the first poe m sh e succeeded i n publishing was a nature lyric , "Th e Autumn Garden, " tha t appeare d i n November : In mournful luxur y of trees that have been gilded, in tiredness of branches bent without a quiver is Autumn's quietude. Deserted and so pale the distance that has dimmed; and in the night the play of stars is cold; and a discerning silence stands guard, or so it seems, to see if some weak sobbing

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will not break out, a last enfeebled groa n from fadin g foliage. The air, though, is made thick with fog . . . and it appears that the exhausted garden wants to sigh, but doesn't dare; and strangely blazes among the tree-tops, colorlessly gold, a single ruby leaf, as if with blood engorged. 30 The autum n garde n tha t want s t o sig h bu t doesn' t dar e sounds lik e the poeti c speake r o f " I a m still , fo r I fear," wh o wante d t o shou t out, bu t als o lacked th e courag e t o d o so . Nature lyric s simila r t o "Th e Autum n Garden " wer e fairl y nu merous i n Parnok' s vers e unti l 1916 , an d certai n tree s (poplars , birches), flower s (roses , tuberoses , carnations) , an d natura l phe nomena (rivers , sandbars , wind , storms , sno w an d ice , intens e heat, night ) remaine d constan t motif s throughou t al l he r poetry . She believed , however , tha t he r vie w o f natur e wa s anothe r thin g that alienate d he r fro m "normal " experience . Sh e wa s chronicall y ill (wit h Grave' s disease , evidently ) fro m he r yout h an d despaire d that sh e had neve r an d coul d neve r perceive nature wit h th e eyes of a health y person. 31 Possibl y he r lyrica l fondnes s fo r autum n an d her emphasi s o n nature' s feebleness , tiredness , an d witherin g re flected he r empath y wit h th e aspec t o f natur e tha t seeme d t o exter nalize he r frequen t symptom s o f exhaustion , muscula r weakness , and emaciation . In 1906 , however, Parnok' s healt h wa s fa r fro m bein g her majo r creative issue . Rather , sh e continue d t o doub t tha t sh e coul d find words t o expres s what seeme d inexpressible : How can one write about the quiet fadin g of vivid rushes deep within one's soul? About how thought, far off in sunless exile, in morbid meditation or joyless sleep looks lifelessly insid e herself, exhausted, and slowly drowns in her own feebleness , how can one write? How can one write—about the golden-textured ray thrown lazily upon the emerald waves?

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The play of hues on strange and wondrous sea shells and lightning's whimsy, and the thought of thunderclouds. The loving tuberose's drunken fever , and the weeping willow's lonely tears— how can one write?!32 The thre e las t line s o f thi s poe m ma y hav e encode d significance . The "lovin g tuberose " probabl y allude s t o Nadezhda , who m th e poet ha d associate d wit h tuberose s i n her juvenil e lov e lyric, "Lov e has gone . The tuberose s hav e faded " (J-31) . This suggest s tha t th e "weeping willow " represente d th e poetic speake r here , a s it woul d occasionally i n muc h late r poems . Thus , Parno k addresse d indi rectly th e issu e o f writin g he r lesbia n lov e affai r int o he r poetr y a s part o f th e general proble m o f finding word s fo r th e inexpressible . Because she shied awa y fro m direc t treatment o f her sexualit y i n her poem s o f thi s time , i t i s difficul t t o find suc h allusion s t o he r continuing relationshi p wit h Polyakov a (o r t o an y othe r lov e af fairs sh e ma y hav e ha d afte r sh e graduate d fro m th e gymnasium) . Nadya, however , woul d appea r t o b e th e lover-addresse e o f thi s undated, unpublishe d lov e lyric from 1905-6 : I know profoundly well—you'v e shown me everything, the breathing of the skies, and speech of mighty billows and twinkling of the stars within the depths of air, and lightning's vivid laugh in gloomy quietude you've given me with you in brilliant consonance. This brie f poe m coul d b e rea d a s th e poet' s unconsciou s repl y t o her ow n quer y o f ho w t o writ e th e unwritable , fo r i t show s he r underlying realizatio n tha t sh e was writin g abou t th e inexpressibl e when sh e wrot e wit h th e knowledg e sh e ha d receive d throug h th e body o f he r woman-lover . Highly sexe d an d easil y aroused , th e poeti c speake r o f Parnok' s early lov e lyric s canno t resis t th e temptatio n o f love , n o matte r what sufferin g an d los s sh e know s eac h ne w lov e wil l inevitabl y bring her , a s sh e make s clea r a t th e en d o f th e poem , "Soo n th e leaves of the green poplars. "

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So let that farewell cry, as always, sound above me! I have a heart so that it can be broken! I know too well that last, that grievous moment, when happiness can't help but be forsaken— but through the garden joyfully I'l l go! So what if a new loss lies in my future, —My heart's so happy in its secret fever: love summons me, and I won't contradict her. Repeatedly, the poet-lover feel s sh e cannot contro l o r controver t her nee d fo r love , an d therefor e sh e "doe s no t lov e lov e becaus e [her] powerfu l an d willfu l though t i s submissiv e t o love , an d sub mission i s alie n t o he r [thought]. " A n impassione d reade r o f Nietzsche, lik e s o man y o f he r generation , Parno k believe d he r thought wa s bot h a creativ e an d quintessentiall y destructiv e forc e that ha d t o murde r ruthlessl y al l "phantoms " tha t threatene d her . The on e "phantom " th e poet' s Though t coul d no t destro y wa s Love, becaus e onl y Lov e equale d he r Though t i n strengt h an d implacable desire . Thi s poem , " I d o no t lov e love, " an d Parnok' s early vers e i n general , reveal s tha t whil e th e poe t conceive d o f her creativ e Though t a s wholl y female , sh e represente d Lov e a s polymorphous ("eternall y dresse d i n something new") an d androg ynous—a femal e bein g ("love " i s a feminine nou n i n Russian) wit h a conceale d (phallic ) weapon : Oh love! You stand before me, and I'm afraid o f you. I know inside your breast you hide a gleaming dagger, you'll wound my thought with it and thus renew yourself, to give to drink with blood your living body— 33 The sexua l fantas y underlyin g thi s poe m expresse d th e femal e poetic speaker' s attractio n t o an d fea r o f a rapaciou s femal e vampire. In rea l lif e Nadezhd a Polyakov a wa s th e first love r t o mak e Parnok's Though t submissiv e t o he r fo r a lon g period o f time . She was th e youn g musin g poet' s first "guidin g Genius/Demon, " th e first woma n wh o pu t Parno k "i n Touc h wit h he r Creativ e Spirit, "

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provoking he r t o wan t t o find a way o f expressin g he r sexualit y i n poetry an d ye t t o despai r o f expressin g it . Nadezhd a wa s also , paradoxically, th e first love r an d mus e wh o almos t convince d Par nok tha t lov e wa s fata l t o he r creativ e though t (whe n virtuall y th e opposite wa s true) . I n view o f Polyakova' s importanc e i n Parnok' s emotional an d creativ e life , i t i s indeed unfortunat e tha t s o littl e i s known an d knowabl e abou t her , includin g th e circumstance s tha t finally le d to th e breakin g o f he r spel l over the poet, sometime , on e supposes, i n the earl y part o f 1907. 34 Parnok fel t ver y bitte r i n th e aftermat h o f thi s lov e affair . Sev eral month s afte r Polyakov a an d sh e broke up , the poet wa s ridin g home i n a ca b fro m a stor e i n Taganro g an d happene d t o catc h sight o f he r ex-lover . Polyakov a returne d he r glanc e briefl y an d quickly shifte d he r eyes , pretending no t t o hav e see n he r an d t o b e immersed i n readin g th e sho p signs . The wome n di d no t sa y hello . "Just think, " Parno k wrot e Volkenshtein , "an d that' s wha t I gav e up five years of m y lif e to." 3 5 Her bitternes s ove r th e failur e o f thi s relationshi p mus t onl y have mad e he r hom e situatio n mor e unbearabl e an d he r financial dependency o n he r fathe r mor e oppressive . "Thing s ar e ver y ba d for me , Vovochka , i n my father' s house, " sh e complaine d i n a letter t o Volkenshtein a t the end o f May 1907 . "I arrive d yesterda y morning; I'v e bee n her e a whol e twenty-fou r hour s an d hav e no t exchanged a singl e wor d wit h my father , no t a singl e word . He' s probably afrai d I'l l as k hi m fo r money . . . . I feel jus t a s awful her e as I did tw o year s ago." 3 6 As far a s Parno k wa s concerned , he r fathe r wa s tight-fisted , bu t she mus t hav e realize d tha t hi s stingines s towar d he r wa s i n par t punitive. He ha d obviousl y ha d enoug h o f supportin g he r i n a wa y of lif e tha t offende d hi m an d whic h h e no w realize d wa s no t a "passing phase. " Whe n Sony a coul d no t b e persuade d t o giv e u p her "tastes, " h e bega n threatenin g t o cu t he r of f entirel y i f sh e di d not marr y an d settl e down . It wa s tim e fo r he r t o d o som e seriou s thinkin g abou t wha t sh e

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wanted t o d o wit h he r life . Sh e was twenty-tw o year s ol d an d ha d accomplished almos t nothing . Sh e ha d plent y o f pride , bu t n o particular ambitio n an d n o academi c o r intellectua l aspirations . She wante d t o b e a poet , bu t lacke d confidenc e i n he r talent . Besides, she was constantl y underminin g he r ow n effort s wit h self criticism tha t came , sh e supposed , fro m he r sens e o f goo d taste . She had experience d enoug h rejection s t o realiz e tha t i t would no t be easy for he r to break int o mainstream Russia n poetry. Taganro g offered n o possibilit y fo r creativ e stimulation , he r famil y gav e her n o support , an d livin g wit h he r fathe r an d stepmothe r ha d become impossible . Now tha t Polyakov a wa s ou t o f he r life , th e onl y perso n wh o seemed t o car e abou t he r wa s Volkenshtein . H e wa s ver y fon d o f her, mayb e h e eve n love d her—a t an y rate , h e ha d mad e i t clea r that h e woul d lik e t o marr y her . H e kne w he r fairl y well , seeme d not t o min d abou t he r "tastes, " an d probabl y wouldn' t interfer e with tha t sid e of he r lif e provided sh e was discreet . Sonya liked Vladimir an d respecte d him . He was very intelligen t and som e o f hi s poem s appeale d t o her . Perhap s sh e coul d inspir e him; perhap s sh e ha d somethin g h e needed . The y though t alik e about mos t o f th e importan t things , had man y friend s i n common , and ha d almos t grow n u p together . Wouldn' t livin g wit h hi m simply continu e an d mayb e eve n deepe n thei r friendship ? An d sh e would b e in Petersburg, meet interesting an d talented people, mak e new friends , an d b e at th e center o f things . True, sh e wa s no t i n lov e wit h him . Sh e ha d neve r bee n i n love wit h an y man , althoug h he r natura l ebullienc e wit h me n ha d sometimes mad e the m thin k sh e wa s intereste d i n the m romanti cally. Gnesi n ha d onc e though t so , a s recentl y a s th e en d o f th e previous summer . No , sh e had onl y bee n i n lov e with women . Bu t she wa s ver y fon d o f Vladimir , an d th e ide a o f intimac y wit h him di d no t pu t he r off . An d besides , sh e woul d lik e t o hav e a child. . . .

. . .

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All thing s considered , gettin g marrie d seeme d th e bes t thin g sh e could d o a t thi s particula r time . I t woul d insur e he r som e emo tional support , provid e a n escap e from he r father , an d mak e happ y her siblings , Valy a an d Liza , who , sh e alway s thought , ha d bee n uncomfortable abou t Polyakova , althoug h the y di d no t reall y know wha t tha t wa s al l about . Mos t important , i t woul d b e a chance for a new life tha t might , finally, giv e her a focus . In Septembe r 190 7 Parno k an d Volkenshtei n wer e marrie d i n a Jewish ceremony . Shortl y afterwar d the y wer e invite d b y on e o f Vladimir's acquaintances , th e write r an d criti c Lyubo v Gurevich , for a visi t t o he r countr y estat e i n Revyakino . The y wer e joine d there b y Mikhai l an d Nadezhd a Gnesin , wh o ha d bee n marrie d i n June an d ha d recentl y returne d fro m thei r honeymoo n i n Bavaria . Lyubov Gurevic h wa s nearl y twent y year s Parnok' s senio r an d came fro m th e sam e generatio n o f Russia n wome n intellectual s a s the poet' s mother . T o a limite d degree , sh e playe d a materna l role i n Parnok' s emotiona l life . Mor e important , sh e becam e a n intellectual mothe r fo r th e youn g poet , an d on e wh o wielde d au thority. A committe d feminis t an d politica l activist , Gurevic h wa s "the mos t importan t femal e journalis t i n Russia n histor y [and ] a vital presenc e i n Petersburg's fin de Steele intellectual life." 37 Gurevich's persona l lif e wa s als o considere d t o b e unortho dox—she neve r married , bu t ha d a daughter , Yelena , t o who m she gav e he r surname . Parnok , wh o apparentl y learne d afte r he r marriage tha t sh e coul d not , t o he r despair , hav e children , too k a maternal interes t i n Gurevich' s daughte r an d wa s inspire d b y he r to writ e children' s fair y tales . The motherles s poe t hersel f develope d a n immediat e daughterl y attraction t o Lyubo v Yakovlevna . Lik e a youn g girl , Parno k wanted th e olde r woma n t o pa y attentio n t o he r an d t o find her mor e interestin g tha n Volkenshtein . He r desir e fo r Gurevich' s attention mad e he r reserve d an d unlik e he r naturall y expansiv e self. As she later admitte d t o Lyubo v Yakovlevna , sh e felt jealousl y competitive wit h Vladimir : "I t seeme d t o m e tha t yo u foun d hi s

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company mor e pleasan t an d interestin g tha n mine , an d tha t mad e me miserable. It's stupid, but I remember having a long, diplomati c conversation wit h Sophi a Isaakovn a [Chatskina ] i n orde r t o tr y t o find ou t who m yo u like d better , Volody a o r me , an d I wa s a s agitated a s a schoolgirl,—th e first cas e o f jealou s rivalr y i n m y life." 38 As Parnok ha d expected , he r circl e of acquaintance s an d literar y contacts broadene d considerabl y afte r sh e settle d i n th e capital . Among he r literar y societ y friend s sh e counte d Sophi a Chatskina , who, togethe r wit h he r husband , Yako v Saker , a well-known law yer, presided ove r one of the most brillian t literar y salon s of Peters burg. In th e prewa r period , Chatskin a an d Sake r wer e co-owner s and co-editor s o f th e libera l literar y journa l Northern Annals. Parnok wa s als o introduce d t o man y o f th e leadin g poet s o f th e period—Alexander Blok , Mikhail Kuzmin , Vyacheslav Ivanov , Fyodor Sologub , an d Maximilia n Voloshin . Sh e late r becam e espe cially friendl y wit h Voloshin , an d thei r friendshi p laste d unti l th e end o f hi s life. Sh e also occasionall y wen t t o Ivanov' s Tower , mor e for th e spectacle than th e poetry, an d mad e the acquaintance o f th e young Ann a Akhmatova , wh o wa s onl y jus t beginnin g t o appea r in Petersburg poetic circles, Volkenshtein encourage d hi s wif e t o pursu e he r education . I n 1908 sh e attended th e Bestuzhev Highe r Course s fo r Wome n a t St . Petersburg University . A t first, sh e though t abou t studyin g i n th e history an d philolog y department , bu t sh e switche d t o th e facult y of jurisprudence , no t becaus e sh e ha d an y interes t i n law , bu t because "lik e man y peopl e a t tha t time , [she ] wante d a highe r education tha t woul d no t pu t excessiv e demand s o n her." 3 9 Al though sh e felt insecur e abou t he r lac k o f education , sh e continue d to hav e littl e desir e fo r seriou s stud y an d confesse d t o he r husban d in a lette r tha t sh e was "no t use d t o studyin g alone " an d hope d t o find " a diligen t woma n studen t t o stud y with . T o b e frank, " sh e concluded, " I a m no t kee n o n bein g a studen t an d a m doin g s o from a sense of obligation." 40

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Married lif e turne d ou t t o b e no t quit e wha t sh e ha d expected . She continue d no t t o b e i n lov e wit h he r husband , bu t foun d tha t she wa s sexuall y responsiv e t o him . He r activ e participatio n i n conjugal relation s mus t hav e flattered Volkenshtein' s masculin e vanity, bu t i t ma y als o hav e surprise d an d confuse d him . Awar e (and accepting ) o f hi s wife' s lesbia n preference , h e ma y no t hav e anticipated o r inwardl y eve n hav e desire d he r mor e tha n passiv e participation i n their sexua l relationship . Problems coul d als o hav e arisen becaus e Parno k migh t hav e bee n mor e sexuall y experience d than he r husband . Sh e wa s accustomed , moreover , t o playin g th e initiating, traditionall y "masculine " rol e i n sex . On e inciden t re veals th e gender-rol e challenge s an d complexitie s tha t thei r inti mate relations calle d into play. At some point i n the brief marriage , Volkenshtein apparentl y fel l il l wit h a nervou s disorde r an d wa s told b y hi s docto r t o refrai n fro m sex . Whe n h e wrot e Parno k o f the necessit y fo r abstinenc e unti l h e recovered , sh e responded wit h her characteristi c mixtur e o f frankness , gallantry , an d sincer e com radely feeling : sh e offered t o mov e ou t o f th e house temporaril y s o as not t o b e a temptation t o him . Indeed, goo d fellowshi p seem s t o hav e bee n wha t Parno k mos t desired an d neede d i n he r intimac y wit h he r husban d an d wit h male friend s i n general, whom sh e appear s t o hav e responde d t o a t times withou t conveyin g an y consciousnes s tha t the y belonge d t o the opposit e sex . Thi s evidentl y confuse d he r mal e friends , som e of who m mistoo k he r lac k o f "feminine " reserv e a s a sig n o f sexual forwardness . Volkenshtein wa s mos t likel y Parnok' s onl y mal e sexua l part ner. Th e handfu l o f heterosexua l lov e lyric s sh e wrote (al l o f the m published i n he r first book , Poems), a s wel l a s scattere d lyrica l allusions t o me n a s lovers , ar e probabl y base d o n he r experienc e with him . Her poem s sugges t that howeve r willingly o r activel y sh e had engage d i n marita l relations , sex wit h he r husban d di d no t satisfy he r o r answe r he r nee d fo r intensity , "splendor , an d fate fulness i n a romance " (#39) . I n a fe w o f he r poems , he r femal e

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poetic speake r note s tha t men , especiall y youn g men , ar e typicall y impatient an d finish to o quickl y t o b e good lovers . The previousl y quote d 1912—1 3 poem , "I n a romanc e I like " (#39), offer s Parnok' s mos t clearl y expresse d vie w o f th e short comings o f a heterosexua l relationship , perhap s o f her s wit h Vol kenshtein. Th e femal e speaker' s couplin g wit h he r mal e love r seems t o he r t o beli e th e feelin g o f tru e conjugalit y tha t sh e ha s experienced, b y implication , wit h women . Afte r "clingin g t o on e another," th e speake r note s tha t sh e alway s remaine d "alone " an d so di d he r mal e addressee . A t th e en d o f th e poe m sh e make s he r point: "An d i s ther e a myster y mor e borin g tha n our s an d sim pler: / th e nonmergin g o f on e sou l [feminin e noun ] wit h anothe r soul [feminin e noun ] belove d b y her. " Th e implicatio n i s tha t th e merging o f tw o soul s i n sexua l unio n i s th e antithesi s t o wha t happens betwee n th e separat e woma n an d separat e ma n i n th e poem an d ca n i n th e poet' s min d (an d i n he r grammar ) tak e plac e only betwee n tw o women . As fa r a s Parno k wa s concerned , th e mutuall y stressfu l emo tional complexitie s an d shortcoming s o f namel y he r sexua l rela tionship wit h Volkenshtei n graduall y undermine d an d damage d their friendshi p irreparably . Later , i n tryin g t o explai n th e prob lems i n th e marriag e t o Gurevich , sh e wrot e euphemistically : "Al l those feeling s an d experience s tha t ar e inevitabl e i n conjuga l lif e were utterl y superfluou s an d harmfu l fo r u s bot h an d fo r ou r relationship." 41 Socially, marrie d lif e als o turne d ou t t o cu t bot h ways . Sur rounded b y educated , artisti c peopl e wh o "spok e [her ] language, " Parnok fel t hersel f becom e somewha t spoile d b y a pleasan t an d made-to-order socia l lif e tha t demande d n o effor t fro m her . O n th e other hand , i t lef t he r wit h ver y littl e fre e tim e t o devot e t o an y serious pursui t o f he r own . Thi s wa s debilitatin g becaus e sh e lacked th e self-disciplin e t o mak e tim e fo r herself. 42 Contrary t o he r expectations , afte r he r marriag e he r writin g began t o slacke n off . Sh e late r attribute d par t o f th e proble m t o

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her ow n lac k o f ambition , an d par t t o bein g marrie d t o a "smar t husband" an d a poe t wh o ha d mor e ambitio n an d vocatio n tha n she: I have so little ambition tha t only if I were to become the ambition of som e other person an d tha t person's vocatio n wer e to make me the bigges t thin g possible , onl y i n tha t cas e would I become mor e ambitious; wit h Vladimi r Mikhailovic h m y las t dro p o f ambitio n vanished. I was more occupied with what he was writing than with my ow n work ; whil e I need th e sor t o f person , wh o wit h himsel f could hav e helpe d m e t o fee l myself , m y strengths , m y will , m y personality. . .. I thin k i f I foun d someon e lik e that , I woul d b e happy.43 Marriage obviousl y di d no t provid e Parno k th e bes t soi l fo r cultivating he r lesbia n muse . Sinc e th e tim e whe n sh e ha d begu n looking t o Volkenshtei n fo r advic e an d direction , tha t mus e ha d been virtuall y silen t excep t throug h th e mediate d languag e o f alle gory, bu t unexpectedly , sh e spok e softl y an d distinctl y i n tw o o f four lyric s Parno k publishe d i n th e sprin g o f 1908 . Thes e tw o poems sugges t tha t th e poe t ha d o r wante d affair s wit h wome n while sh e was married , an d tha t thes e relationship s nurture d wha t little poeti c "ambition " sh e possessed . Th e poem s als o heralde d the reappearanc e o f th e poeti c speake r who m Parno k ha d create d for hersel f i n her juvenilia , the desiring (o r yearning) femal e subjec t who expresse s hersel f i n direc t addres s t o th e woma n sh e desires , or who desire s her . In "I' m afrai d o f my hear t a s neve r before, " th e femal e speake r both want s t o star t a relationship wit h he r addresse e an d yet , doe s not dar e to . Sh e feel s oppresse d b y he r fat e o f no t bein g abl e t o love, or live , without ruinin g th e live s of others—thus , sh e advise s her would-be love r t o stee r clea r o f her : Of everything I've said just one thing's worth believing, Begone! . . . Let my desire, tormenting me alone, die out in stern unreciprocity. 44

"LOVE SUMMON S ME , AN D I WON' T CONTRADIC T HE R . . . " 6j

In "Look—th e moon , a weaveres s o f wiles, " whic h appeare d i n June, the speake r describe s a moonli t wal k wit h a femal e compan ion tha t end s i n a n eroticall y suggestiv e natur e imag e o f "moss y paths tha t twin e i n an d ou t a s they cree p int o th e sleep y center " o f a grove of trees. 45 In the sprin g Gurevic h invite d Parno k t o coedi t a Russian trans lation o f Baudelaire' s Petits poemes en prose. Th e translatio n rep resented a join t effor t o f severa l wome n translator s i n Petersburg , including Sophi a Chatskina . Parnok , wh o kne w Frenc h perfectl y and adore d Baudelaire , evidentl y translate d severa l o f th e piece s herself. Th e name s o f th e translators , followin g standar d practic e at th e time, did not appea r i n the book . Late tha t sprin g Parno k bega n suffering digestiv e problems , frequent i n case s o f Grave' s disease . He r docto r prescribe d a spe cial die t o f mil k product s an d a complet e res t i n th e country . Sh e and Vladimi r rente d a dach a i n Sorochintsy , a villag e i n th e Mir gorod distric t o f Poltav a province , Ukraine . Thi s wa s a par t o f Ukraine celebrate d i n th e earl y storie s o f Nikola i Gogol , an d Par nok wa s no t unawar e o f th e area' s literar y fame . Althoug h sh e appreciated th e peac e an d beaut y o f th e countrysid e o n th e bank s of th e Dniep r River , th e local e di d no t captivat e he r a s sh e ha d thought i t would fro m Gogol' s descriptions . She trie d assiduousl y t o remov e an y an d al l "obstacle s t o goo d digestion." Sh e an d Vladimi r le d a laz y countr y life , relaxing , walking barefoot , "thoroughl y goin g to seed, " an d entertaining , i n classic Russia n fashion , a stead y strea m o f guests . A t th e en d o f July, he r brothe r an d sister , bot h o f the m abou t t o ente r thei r las t year a t th e gymnasium , cam e fo r a visit . "M y brothe r an d siste r have arrived, " sh e wrot e Gurevic h o n Jul y 22 , " I lov e the m s o much, they'r e amusin g an d extremel y dea r t o me . M y brothe r writes poem s a la Blok whil e m y siste r ha s th e sam e opinio n o f poetry a s Lev Tolstoy; hence , some very entertaining clashes." 46 At th e beginnin g o f th e summe r th e Baudelair e projec t ha d ru n into al l sort s o f difficulties . Th e publishe r wh o ha d originall y

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agreed t o d o th e translation s backe d out . Anothe r publishe r indi cated a n interes t bu t di d no t pa y th e translator s th e advanc e th e first on e ha d agree d to . Thi s particularl y upse t Parno k sinc e sh e had borrowe d mone y fro m Gurevic h agains t th e advanc e sh e ha d counted o n receiving . Gurevich , moreover , ha d decide d t o edi t th e translations withou t remuneration , s o Parnok , painfull y awar e o f her lac k o f a literary name , felt sh e could no t as k fo r mone y either . The whol e thin g ha d turne d int o a headache fo r bot h women , an d Parnok late r referre d t o i t a s he r "unfortunat e experienc e wit h Baudelaire." 47 She greatl y misse d Gurevic h ove r th e summe r an d expresse d affection an d longin g fo r he r i n her letters . At one point sh e wrote: "It woul d b e goo d i f yo u an d I lived i n Moscow ; Pv e bee n dream ing o f Mosco w fo r a lon g time . I f onl y w e coul d mak e a trip ther e together. I' d lik e to ver y much." 4 8 Parnok wa s feelin g ver y dissatisfie d wit h herself . Sh e wa s no t doing muc h work . He r readin g di d no t g o beyon d Han s Christia n Andersen's fair y tales , and th e onl y thin g sh e was working o n wer e rhymed fair y tale s for children . Gurevich wrot e trying to encourag e her young frien d t o work , t o which Parno k replied : I'm in a very difficult situation . I'm not reading anything and I know how dangerous that is for me, more dangerous than for anyone else. I'm way too much of a Jew for m y work to be naive. If I do have a natural gift , the n it' s th e kin d I won't b e abl e t o develo p withou t education. Bu t I bega n thinkin g seriousl y abou t becomin g a poe t before I had rea d almos t anything . My taste has been developed a t the expense of everything else. The things I should have read I can't read now , the y bor e me . I'm emotionall y an d morall y muc h olde r than a beginning writer need s to be . I could devot e mysel f onl y t o what conform s t o my moral-emotional disposition . And the results are pal e an d anemic . I f ther e i s a though t i n wha t I write , i t i s nurtured by nothing except itself. And one fine day one finds oneself without a penny to one's name and writing fairy tale s and nothin g else. M y tast e i s sufficientl y develope d fo r m e t o kno w precisel y what I should want, and that's about all I have going for me. I'd be

"LOVE SUMMON S ME , AN D I WON' T CONTRADIC T HE R . . . " 69

better of f withou t it . It' s a sa d spectacl e an d on e whic h wil l no t inspire you to save me. I think onl y disappointment lie s in store fo r you. Dear Lyubov Yakovlevna! I have no idea why I've written you all this . I stil l won' t accomplis h anything . Yo u se e th e depth s t o which I'v e sunk . I' m ashame d tha t I' m writin g yo u al l this , an d I think I have because your attitude to me makes me endlessly happy and I can' t understan d wh y precisel y yo u ar e s o well-dispose d t o me. Perhaps it's merely because you think better of me than I am.49 The da y afte r he r twenty-thir d birthday , Parno k wrot e anothe r letter o f self-criticis m t o Gurevich . Unti l recently , sh e wrote , sh e felt sh e ha d live d a n utterl y passiv e intellectua l existence , a s i f sh e were th e proverbia l "empt y bo x tha t on e ha s onl y t o stan d some where an d i n a fe w day s someon e wil l thro w somethin g int o it. " Her onl y poin t o f prid e wa s tha t sh e ha d a t leas t free d hersel f "from [her ] ow n an d othe r people' s trash, " bu t he r "triumphant " emptiness mad e he r indifferen t and , consequently , lazy . Sh e kne w that th e tim e ha d com e fo r he r t o tak e responsibilit y fo r he r life : "There come s a momen t whe n on e ha s t o focus , o r els e on e neve r will be focused. I hope I haven't le t that momen t sli p by." 5 0 Parnok anticipate d tha t th e winte r ahea d woul d prov e bot h "difficult an d important " fo r her . Sh e planne d t o pursu e a n inten sive program o f readin g an d writing , bu t decide d tha t first sh e ha d to "ge t hol d o f [her ] lif e fro m th e othe r side." 51 Th e "othe r side " could hav e include d bein g i n a marriage tha t wa s killin g her ambi tion an d bringin g increasingl y les s inspiratio n an d gratificatio n t o both he r an d he r husband . By th e summe r o f 190 8 Gurevic h ha d becom e a n intellectua l and persona l rol e model fo r Parnok , a new chanc e for "salvation, " and th e olde r woman' s charism a ha d obviousl y outstrippe d Vladi mir's. Gurevic h als o represente d a femal e survivo r who m lif e ha d not beate n down . "Dea r Lyubo v Yakovlevna! " Parno k conclude d her July 3 1 letter , "I' m endlessl y gratefu l t o yo u fo r you r letter ; i t is extraordinaril y importan t fo r m e t o kno w tha t afte r suc h a complicated lif e a s you hav e had , yo u exis t a s the woma n yo u are .

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I don't kno w anyon e wh o i s better an d deare r tha n you . I am ver y fond o f you. Write me . I kiss you firmly , you r S . Parnok. " For th e remainde r o f th e summe r Parno k wrot e almos t nothing , and commente d i n a note t o Gnesi n (Augus t 3 ) that sh e didn' t fee l like writing . He r silenc e continue d int o th e fal l an d earl y winter , which brough t th e difficultie s sh e ha d anticipated . Sh e an d Vladi mir bega n t o quarrel , an d th e "struggl e o f wills " betwee n the m drained he r energies . She began t o sense that Vladimir di d not nee d her afte r all , tha t ther e wa s nothin g sh e coul d d o fo r him . Sh e could no t inspir e him , or , a s sh e late r wrote , "mak e a librar y ou t of [herself], " an d h e "di d no t nee d mora l inspiration." 52 A t th e same time , sh e sense d tha t he r ow n need s wer e no t bein g me t b y a husband wh o wa s absorbe d i n his own creativ e process . Things suddenl y an d unexpectedl y cam e t o a hea d i n th e firs t month o f th e ne w year . As she had th e previous year , Parno k wen t to Mosco w fo r th e Christma s holidays . Sh e wrot e he r husban d from ther e on January 8 , apparently wit h the intention o f returnin g to St . Petersbur g shortly , sinc e sh e mentione d he r pla n o f findin g someone t o stud y wit h onc e sh e arrive d home . Ye t during the nex t two week s somethin g happene d i n Mosco w tha t mad e he r decid e not onl y not t o return , bu t t o leav e her husban d an d as k hi m fo r a divorce. In he r long , explanator y lette r t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , she di d no t giv e an y details , bu t simpl y said , "Here , afte r length y reflection, I mad e u p m y min d no t t o return ; I di d no t simpl y remain. I decided t o make a new start." This "new start " ma y hav e involved eithe r a ne w relationshi p wit h a woman, o r th e reviva l o f an ol d one—wit h Nadezhd a Polyakova . Volkenshtei n believe d hi s wife ha d lef t hi m eithe r fo r a specific woma n o r fo r th e freedo m t o live an unfettere d lesbia n life . Parnok ha d n o illusion s abou t th e socia l censur e he r decisio n would provoke : " I kno w tha t m y leavin g yo u won' t brin g m e anything goo d i n th e sens e o f publi c opinion, " sh e wrot e Vol kenshtein o n Januar y 25 , "bu t I als o kno w ver y wel l tha t a s soo n as I have my first rea l success , everyone who ha s turned thei r back s

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1

to m e wil l tur n agai n an d acknowledg e m e wit h polit e smile s o n their faces . Therefore , I really don' t car e whethe r I see thei r back s or thei r faces." 53 Sh e bega n he r ne w lif e b y takin g a roo m i n a residential hote l o n th e Petrovka , called , ironicall y enough , th e Hotel Decadence . Gurevich mus t hav e hear d o f he r youn g friend' s decisio n fro m Parnok's othe r Petersbur g friend s o r fro m Volkenshtei n himself . Knowing th e hig h regar d Parno k ha d fo r Gurevich , they , o r he , might hav e hope d tha t Lyubo v Yakovlevn a coul d tr y t o persuad e Parnok t o reconside r an d com e home . Unfortunately , Gurevich' s letter i s no t extant , bu t fro m Parnok' s reply , i t i s clea r tha t th e older woma n di d expres s certai n qualm s abou t th e poet' s action . She wondere d i f Parno k wer e no t jus t a "wanderin g soul " wit h a hankering fo r "th e elemen t o f undefined , slither y impression s an d fleeting contacts. " In other words , she feared Parno k wa s incapabl e of makin g a commitment t o a relationship . Parnok wa s overjoye d t o receiv e Gurevich' s lette r an d replie d in a spiri t o f wantin g an d needin g t o hav e Lyubo v Yakovlevn a understand her : There is no one whom I could value more than you and whose good feeling coul d b e deare r t o m e than yours . Eve r sinc e I made you r acquaintance, i n moment s o f th e most interminabl e emptines s tha t overcomes me when P m in the company o f people close to me and not, the consciousness that you exist makes me feel grateful (namel y grateful, I don't kno w wha t els e to cal l it) to you, and more to the person you are, than for anything you've done, which I can't define. I've though t abou t writin g you severa l time s in orde r to answer to you s o tha t yo u woul d interpre t m y actio n i n th e righ t way , bu t each tim e I stopped mysel f wit h th e though t tha t I didn't kno w if you woul d as k m e althoug h I felt a s i f yo u alread y ha d asked , o r even if you hadn't, I had to answer namely to you. 54 The marriag e ha d foundered , Parno k wen t o n t o explain , becaus e she ha d foun d i t impossibl e t o reconcil e he r wil l wit h he r hus band's. "Thi s struggl e (i n th e broades t sens e o f th e word , o f course) consume d wa y to o muc h o f m y energ y fo r m e not t o rejec t

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it ou t o f a sens e o f self-preservation." Sh e had als o begu n t o chaf e under Volkenshtein' s literar y authority , whic h hampere d he r ow n creative development. "I f I had staye d with Vladimir Mikhailovich , I woul d hav e dabble d i n writin g forever , bu t no w I wil l eithe r write, o r giv e u p writin g entirely ; it' s bette r thi s way. " In leavin g her husband , sh e had quit e simpl y take n a risk y bu t necessar y an d courageous ste p toward becomin g her own person . In answe r t o Gurevich' s doubt s abou t he r abilit y t o mak e a commitment, sh e replied that sh e did desire committed companion ship, but had no t foun d i t yet. "I've wasted a lot of time and energ y on searchin g [fo r th e righ t person] , and no w I want t o tr y an d se e if I won't profi t mor e fro m th e compan y o f book s wit h whic h I'v e had littl e contact. " Her healt h ha d bee n worryin g he r greatly , an d sh e considered i t the crucia l facto r i n the succes s of he r ne w start . Fro m thi s time o n her poo r healt h becam e a recurren t them e i n he r correspondenc e and late r i n he r poetry , a s sh e suffere d periodicall y fro m tachycar dia, nervousness , depression , headaches , digestiv e disorders , an d insomnia. 55 In answering to Gurevich , Parno k ha d separate d fro m he r adopted mothe r an d asserte d th e integrit y o f he r ow n life . A s a result, th e women' s relationshi p change d i n th e directio n o f tru e collegiality. Gurevic h welcome d th e chang e an d bega n t o b e mor e open abou t he r ow n needs , professiona l concerns , an d especiall y creative doubts . Earlier , Parno k ha d fel t to o insecur e an d unedu cated b y compariso n wit h he r famou s frien d t o presum e t o com ment on her work. Bu t Gurevich's repl y to her letter of explanatio n encouraged he r to take the first ste p toward a new peer relationshi p in the creativ e sphere : My dear, dear, most esteemed Lyubov Yakovlevna, I've never talked with yo u abou t you r work fo r fea r o f bein g importunate, bu t no w your openness gives me the chance to say what I have thought about it. I had an idea of a new literary form, i.e. of the possibility of your creating it. Here's what I thought: th e one thing you need [i n your

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3

writing] i s space t o unfur l you r leaves , and fo r tha t yo u nee d a for m which yo u coul d fee l wa s leas t o f al l a for m pe r se . . . . It would b e endlessly preciou s t o m e i f yo u share d wit h m e what you'r e writin g at present, i f that' s possible , of course . As for me , for th e time bein g I can' t ge t awa y fro m fair y tales . I wrote on e more ; I' m finishing a fourth. Soo n I'l l hav e a whol e volume . I wan t t o sen d Lyuly a th e new fair y tale , fo r he r an d you r criticism . Whe n I finish m y ill starred story , whic h littl e resemble s a story , I'l l sen d i t t o you , wit h your permission. 56 In th e immediat e aftermat h o f movin g t o M o s c o w , Parno k le d a fairly reclusiv e life . T h e fe w peopl e sh e sa w regularl y an d th e habi t of socializin g itsel f gav e he r n o pleasur e an d actuall y mad e he r anxious. A s a marrie d w o m a n , sh e ha d take n he r socia l lif e fo r granted. Bein g o n he r o w n lef t he r wit h a lo t mor e fre e tim e an d forced he r t o tak e responsibilit y fo r he r o w n entertainment . Sh e often foun d hersel f alienate d fro m th e doing s o f th e famou s literat i of he r time . Afte r attendin g a meetin g o f th e Literar y Artisti c Circle, sh e wrot e t o Gurevich : A splendi d assortment—al l th e poet s an d philosopher s wit h thei r facial tics . Andre y Bel y wa s hysterica l an d positivel y elegan t i n hi s stupidity; Krecheto v ha s a forehea d n o highe r tha n a centimeter . Out o f respect , Abramovic h arrange d t o hav e a ti c o n hi s fac e too, Berdyaev' s tongu e wa s hangin g ou t o f hi s mouth ; everythin g smacked o f scroful a an d onanism . Ivano v compare d Blo k with Nek rasov; i t woul d al l hav e bee n funn y i f i t weren' t s o disgusting . T o the public' s gle e i t ende d wit h a scandal . I haven' t see n an y othe r spectacles, and I won't b e going there again. It' s disgusting. 57 Parnok bega n t o w o r k an d rea d more , bu t continue d t o fee l ver y pessimistic a b o u t he r writing . A t th e en d o f th e winte r sh e sen t Gurevich th e firs t poe m sh e ha d writte n i n a lon g time : Oh mistres s Anguish ! You, th e muse of incantations , make on e brigh t momen t sho w fro m al l the recollection s of m y superfluous , unhappy , borin g days ! And tha t unbounde d moment , when , a s in a graveyard , the soul b y the deserte d silenc e is bewitched , and cemeter y visitors , the pangs o f conscience ,

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will dig the past up from th e bottom of all graves— may you and I be reconciled in that moment, and may the aimless lot I've drawn be bound with life, as rainbows brightly unify th e earth with the heavens' inextinguishable blue. 58 Anguish/Yearning (toska) woul d becom e a majo r theme , o r eve n the primary music , in Parnok' s poetry . It/Sh e represented a power ful an d inspirationa l femal e bein g i n th e poet' s persona l mythos . The poem , whic h wa s calle d "Prayer, " als o containe d th e firs t mention o f "tha t las t unbounde d moment " befor e death , anothe r recurrent moti f i n her poetry . By mid-Marc h sh e wa s livin g muc h th e wa y sh e ha d whe n sh e was married , thoug h sh e fel t calme r an d "mor e normal. " Sh e stil l felt sh e suffere d fro m "a n exces s o f superfluou s feelings, " how ever.59 Apparentl y sh e wanted t o liv e on a less emotionally intens e level an d wa s dissatisfie d wit h he r inabilit y t o kee p feeling s ou t o f her life . "Superfluou s feelings " o f animosit y an d reproac h als o accompanied th e intensifyin g conflic t wit h Volkenshtei n ove r th e divorce. From th e beginning , h e di d no t wan t a divorce , eithe r becaus e he stil l love d Parno k o r wante d t o punis h he r fo r leavin g him . H e resorted t o variou s stallin g tactics , broke appointment s the y se t u p to discuss the terms of divorce, and tried to make things as unpleasant fo r he r a s h e fel t sh e wa s makin g the m fo r him . The y argue d endlessly abou t financial arrangements . A t th e en d o f March , i n a desperate maneuve r aime d a t tryin g t o tur n Parnok' s sibling s against her, Volkenshtein tol d Valya an d Liz a that thei r olde r siste r was a lesbia n an d tha t sh e ha d lef t hi m t o retur n t o Polyakova . Parnok wrot e Volkenshtei n t o assur e hi m tha t hi s attemp t a t emo tional blackmai l woul d no t hav e the desire d effect : I did not anticipate, Volodya, that you would drag the children into our privat e affair s an d upse t the m fo r n o reason . Yo u won' t spoi l my relationship with them, all you'll do is make things unnecessarily unpleasant fo r them . O f course , it' s you r business , yo u ca n d o a s you please , I' m onl y expressin g m y surprise : th e childre n haven' t

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done anythin g ba d t o you , wh y di d yo u wan t t o upse t them ? Fo r two weeks they've been miserable because they think I' m back with Polyakova and haven't dared to write me about it. 60 Embattled i n divorc e proceeding s tha t becam e mor e an d mor e ugly, an d tha t sh e repeatedl y urge d Volkenshtei n t o expedite , Par nok dre w close r t o Gurevich , i f onl y b y mail . Sh e expresse d grea t concern abou t th e olde r woman' s health , urgin g he r t o g o abroa d for a res t an d tryin g t o ge t he r t o sto p smoking . I t seeme d t o Parnok tha t sh e love d Gurevic h bot h a s a n individua l an d a s a "model o f a genuin e huma n being, " whos e goo d opinio n wa s invaluable t o her : It is absolutely essentia l to me that you consider m e a good person; in ar t I stand o n firm ground, bu t i n lif e I need suppor t an d yo u probably don't realize how important your attitude to me is for me. My reasonablenes s doesn' t kee p m e ou t o f complet e chaos , an d I need a true and constant guiding light, which is immovable, so that I can see it shining irrepressibly fro m ou t of any delusion [ I may be in]; even if it's a burden on me at times, I have to have something to return to. And the fac t tha t yo u ar e not m y fantasy, bu t a real, an actual image—i s s o ne w an d splendi d fo r m e tha t ther e hasn' t been a momen t whe n I coul d thin k o f yo u withou t enrapture d astonishment, and the most respectful affection. 61 Parnok value d Gurevic h a s someon e "completel y honest " wh o possessed th e rar e gif t o f sayin g exactl y wha t sh e felt. In th e poet' s eyes, thi s distinguishe d Lyubo v Yakovlevn a fro m th e majorit y o f people, wh o "talk[ed ] abou t thei r feeling s exactl y i n th e wa y the y never fe[lt]. " Gurevic h als o embodie d Parnok' s idea l o f genius , which lay , sh e believed , i n a writer's abilit y t o expres s th e simples t feelings i n th e simples t words , an d i n s o doing , t o duplicat e "th e most artles s speec h o f a human bein g a t thos e rar e moment s whe n she i s no t thinkin g o f herself. " I n he r matur e vers e Parno k aime d precisely a t suc h simple , unself-conscious, "artles s speech. " At th e en d o f Apri l on e o f th e poet' s Petersbur g acquaintance s paid he r a visi t o n he r wa y throug h Mosco w an d tol d he r tha t al l her Petersbur g friend s alread y considere d he r " a woma n perished "

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and ha d begu n offerin g condolences . At first, thi s pricked Parnok' s vanity, bu t soo n sh e foun d hersel f merel y irritate d b y th e though t that an y ma n "coul d dar e t o thin k h e wa s essentia l t o [her ] sur vival." Sh e got t o thinkin g abou t ho w he r poo r healt h ha d perma nently affecte d he r life . Th e nex t da y sh e wrote, movingly, t o Gur evich: If I wer e ver y proud , I woul d b e rouse d b y a desir e t o prov e everyone wrong. And perhaps I am proud, onl y I lack th e physical strength t o nurture m y pride. You can't imagine what I feel when I see healthy people. I've never envied anyone anything like wealth or success, bu t I' m madl y enviou s o f health . I t rivet s m e irresistibly . And the thought tha t I couldn't eve n bear a healthy chil d fro m th e healthiest man, in a word, that I will never be able to create anything healthy, or big, causes me despair. I don't know if you have experienced the desire to be strong, the kind of woman who could lift any weight, walk for hours without getting tired, and be brutally strong, like a laborer, so that no work would tire her. Sometimes that desire comes over me, and I suffer. 62 Characteristically, a t the end of the letter she apologized fo r sound ing maudlin an d morall y weak . In the lat e sprin g Volkenshtein a t las t accede d t o Parnok' s wish , and th e coupl e wa s divorced . B y tha t tim e the y ha d com e t o hat e each other . Althoug h thei r resentment s naturall y dissipate d ove r the years , thei r friendshi p neve r revived . A s Parno k ha d feared , marriage ha d ruine d i t forever . Fo r her , divorc e marke d th e en d o f any pretens e t o a sociall y acceptabl e heterosexual , o r eve n bisex ual, camouflage , bu t i t als o liberate d he r t o ne w possibilitie s o f a "more normal " lif e tha t sh e would wan t increasingl y t o expres s i n her writing . He r proces s o f self-creatio n proceede d slowly , agoniz ingly, and , a s sh e woul d late r describ e it , "unmiraculously. " Sh e knew precisel y wha t sh e wante d t o achiev e i n he r poetry . He r desire an d wil l to achiev e i t were strong , bu t i t often seeme d t o he r as if the creative organs that would satisf y he r desire were crippled , or eve n lacking , and he r "sou l rushe d abou t i n . . . anguish." 63 Her sou l wa s no t th e onl y par t o f he r seize d b y restlessness . I n

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the tw o year s afte r he r divorc e sh e quit e literall y rushe d fro m place t o place , changin g he r addres s i n Mosco w five times , thu s establishing a patter n o f "nomadi c existence " tha t characterize d her lif e unti l th e 191 7 Revolution . In part , he r frequen t move s were a consequenc e o f he r straightene d circumstances—sh e live d mainly i n transient quarter s an d furnishe d rooms . But the nomadi c life als o clearl y suite d he r dispositio n a t thi s tim e an d reflecte d he r rebellion agains t domesticit y an d "patriarcha l virtues " a s sh e gav e herself ove r t o alternatin g bout s o f "lechery " (he r ow n word ) an d monkish celibacy . She continue d t o fee l annoye d an d depresse d b y he r persisten t physical weakness . Nevertheless , durin g th e summe r o f 1909 , sh e indulged he r fondnes s fo r riverboating , travelin g b y steame r dow n the Volg a an d the n goin g t o th e Crime a an d th e Caucasus. 64 Tw o poems sh e publishe d th e nex t yea r appea r t o hav e bee n writte n under th e impac t o f he r experience s there . Th e first o f thes e Cri mean lyrics , "Excerpt, " expresse s a ne w dimensio n t o th e poet' s ongoing affai r wit h Life . Th e poe m contain s allusion s t o Knu t Hamsun's best-sellin g nove l Pan, whic h Parno k ha d rea d th e previous sprin g an d whic h mad e he r weep , sh e wrot e t o Gurevich , "because al l o f tha t i s inaccessibl e t o me , close d forever , an d i t never wa s open . I'v e neve r see n natur e a s it is seen b y healthy eyes , and I neve r wil l se e i t tha t way." 6 5 Th e poeti c speake r o f "Ex cerpt" i s "possessed, " a s i n th e past , b y th e majest y o f th e moun tains (mountain s hav e a simila r effec t o n th e her o o f Hamsun' s Pan). Sh e i s filled wit h "jealou s yearning " whe n sh e ponder s th e mystery o f th e "mountains ' . . . power ove r a powerful soul. " He r jealousy originate s i n he r env y o f healthy , stron g people ; unlik e them, sh e feel s trappe d i n th e restricte d capacit y o f he r bod y a s if she i s enclose d "i n a smal l bo x importe d fro m th e East. " Sh e imagines ho w "simple " an d "intoxicating " th e awarenes s o f lightness an d healt h mus t be , an d the n ponder s th e "strang e due l given [her ] b y lif e . . . [and ] th e acut e silenc e o f [her ] alread y harvested fields, wher e Deat h roam s softl y an d hide s i n a gully. "

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Life seem s t o b e standin g i n fron t o f th e vanquishe d speake r "lik e an unquaffe d cup, " despit e th e fac t tha t he r "deepl y open , sa d eyes" ar e "alread y drun k o n th e anguis h o f al l passions." Her onl y comfort come s fro m th e knowledg e tha t "al l i s vain—bot h lif e and death." 6 6 The othe r poe m fro m thi s perio d wit h fain t Crimea n overtone s was "Romance, " whic h appeare d i n th e Jun e 191 0 issu e o f th e New Journal for Everyone. Th e thir d o f Parnok' s "how-can-one say" poems , i t i s addresse d t o a n Asia n o r Eurasia n belove d an d attempts t o expres s i n lyrica l for m th e urgen t creativ e issu e o f th e relationship betwee n th e poet's sexualit y an d he r creativity : In words, in their cold interlacing, your movements' melody and pacing how can I say? Your raptures' whims, your passion's slumber, your power, and the way you tremble can I convey? The misty North has not made cooler your mouth's vermilion, or your golden, deep suntan's stream; the sun's warmth, live and animating, flows on in you without abating, my very dream. All of the East's intoxications I drink in the deep undulations of your night eyes. Your spicy smell, can I convey it? My drunken heart, how shall I say it? Oh love of mine! Although th e form , imagery , an d languag e o f thi s poe m re mained conventional , i t wa s a n improvemen t ove r th e first tw o in thi s serie s becaus e her e Parno k succeede d i n givin g concret e expression t o somethin g inexpressibl e tha t wa s specifi c t o he r "moral-emotional disposition " a s a lesbian an d a poet o f love . The

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poetic speake r o f "Romance " ask s no t onl y ho w sh e ca n pu t he r love into word s (al l poets fac e tha t problem) , bu t als o how sh e ca n convey he r specifi c femal e lover' s sensua l allur e fo r he r wit h a poetic languag e tha t ha s n o word s fo r he r kin d o f lov e ("O h lov e of mine!" ) an d denie s it a name i n poetry . Parnok's romanc e continue d int o th e fal l an d earl y winte r i n "the mist y North. " Th e poe t evidentl y spen t severa l month s i n St . Petersburg an d returne d t o Moscow an d th e Hotel Decadenc e onl y at the beginnin g o f 1910 . There, a t the en d o f January, sh e read a n article o f Gurevich' s (o n th e popula r dramatis t Leoni d Andreyev ) and suddenl y "fel t th e upsurg e o f a creativ e mood , somethin g tha t had completel y abandone d [her ] fo r suc h a lon g time. " I t seeme d to he r tha t he r friendshi p wit h Lyubo v Yakovlevn a ha d deepened : "When I rea d you , I thin k wha t happines s i t i s tha t I kno w you , that I se e behin d th e line s you r s o beguilingl y intelligent , honest , stern eyes , an d I a m seize d b y th e huges t hopes . Don' t forge t me , my dear , m y endlessl y preciou s frien d [drug] —you wil l allo w m e to cal l you that , won' t you?" 6 7 Gurevich's ne w importanc e t o Parno k wa s no t los t o n Gnesin , who himsel f aspire d t o th e rol e o f Parnok' s chie f mento r an d "serious" frien d i n th e aftermat h o f he r divorce . Gnesi n conde scended t o Parnok' s platoni c friendship s wit h women , an d whe n Parnok mentione d he r "ver y friendl y correspondence " wit h Gure vich, h e scoffe d a t it , saying , "Yo u probabl y jus t writ e eac h othe r all sort s o f nonsense, " b y whic h h e mean t persona l rathe r tha n "useful" things . Parno k tolerate d hi s patronizin g attitud e becaus e she needed hi s friendship, too . Their relationshi p wa s complicated , however, an d ha d i n th e past endure d ambiguou s moment s cause d by Gnesin' s consternatio n a t Parnok' s lac k o f restrain t an d desir e for nonromanti c intimac y wit h him , an d b y hi s unacknowledge d ambivalence t o he r lesbianism . He r sexualit y bot h titillate d an d disturbed him . H e appeare d t o encourag e he r persona l confession s while chidin g he r fo r wastin g he r tim e writin g hi m "frivolous "

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letters abou t persona l problems . A t th e sam e tim e h e flattered himself tha t he r desir e t o confid e i n hi m indicate d a romanti c interest i n him . At th e beginnin g o f February , Parno k wa s goin g throug h a ba d time emotionally . Needin g a shoulde r t o cry on , sh e wrot e t o Gnesin "i n a fou l mood. " Sh e acknowledge d tha t th e reason s fo r the mes s sh e wa s i n woul d probabl y mak e Gnesi n "wrinkl e [his ] brow" i n distast e a t he r "complet e U-turn." Probabl y sh e wa s alluding t o he r tur n awa y fro m heterosexualit y afte r he r divorce , or he r tur n bac k t o a nonmonogamou s wa y o f life . Sh e di d no t want he r letter s abou t he r persona l affair s t o upse t o r scar e hi m with th e thought tha t sh e desired a more intimate relationshi p wit h him. I n orde r t o en d th e ambiguity , sh e proceede d t o com e ou t t o Gnesin gently , bu t i n no uncertain terms : Dear Mikhail Fabianovich, you once told me that you thought I was in love with you ; probably becaus e my letters seemed too personal to you; don' t thin k i t now either, for goodnes s sake. Volodya onc e told m e that whe n I really lik e a person, I talk wit h hi m i n a way that a man might dare to think I was in love with him. I have never, unfortunately, bee n in love with a man, and so I don't know how I would talk if I were, and whether Volodya was right. I am very fond of yo u an d thin k o f yo u wit h grea t affection , an d beside s that, my personal affair s hav e mad e m e sad a t th e moment ; that' s wh y I' m writing you this letter, my first useless one. I beg you, for goodnes s sake, not to think I am in love with you because I know that if you imagined that, you could get scared, or not want to write to me, and I desperately wouldn't want that to happen. 68 The muddl e i n Parnok' s persona l lif e ende d i n a majo r depres sion tha t prove d impossibl e t o tal k about . The n he r healt h brok e down, an d sh e wa s il l fo r severa l weeks . B y mid-April , sh e wrot e to Gnesi n tha t sh e fel t "awful , an d no t i n th e moo d fo r verse s o r vice." 69 Sh e coul d no t b e mor e forthcomin g i n a letter , sh e ex plained, becaus e h e generall y responde d i n a wa y tha t mad e he r feel tha t everythin g tha t wa s mos t importan t an d sa d fo r he r seemed no t significan t enoug h t o tel l him about .

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In April , muc h t o he r relief , sh e finally move d ou t o f th e Hote l Decadence an d too k a roo m unti l th e beginnin g o f th e summe r i n a hous e o n Krivokolenn y Lane . Afte r a three-mont h silence , sh e wrote t o Gurevic h an d apologize d fo r no t havin g writte n fo r s o long: I've ha d s o muc h troubl e an d sadnes s i n m y persona l lif e tha t I simply lacke d th e strengt h no t onl y t o write , bu t eve n t o talk . I know that many people make confessions t o you, and I don't blame those who do because I too have experienced your irresistible attractiveness, bu t yo u aren' t t o blam e fo r bein g a magne t t o people' s hearts, and I'm sparing you. 70 Parnok evidentl y fel t constraine d eve n wit h Gurevich , althoug h with Lyubo v Yakovlevna , sh e a t leas t di d no t hav e t o justif y o r belittle the significanc e o f he r emotions . Very gradually, her poems were beginning to appea r i n the mor e prestigious journals . Sh e wa s please d tha t Messenger of Europe apparently intende d t o publish he r work. Afte r "Excerpt, " sh e ha d three mor e poem s accepte d there . Th e first appeare d i n th e Jun e issue and was one of the first of severa l lyrics she wrote throughou t her lif e i n whic h he r poeti c speake r fel l unde r th e spel l o f a woman's voice . In th e las t tw o line s th e speake r expresse d a cher ished wish , t o di e t o th e soun d o f he r beloved' s voice , a wis h sh e echoed i n severa l futur e lyrics : "Sin g t o me ! I coul d listen , liste n constantly, / and quietl y expire , to your elated voice." The previou s winter Gurevic h ha d mentione d Parno k t o Pete r Struve , th e emi nent edito r o f th £ journa l Russian Thought, an d h e apparentl y encouraged th e poe t t o submi t something , whic h cause d he r t o enthuse t o Lyubo v Yakovlevn a a t th e en d o f January , "Struv e seems t o m e lik e th e goo d fair y i n a ver y pleasan t fair y tale . Suddenly sh e appear s an d asks , 'D o yo u wan t t o b e tsar?' An d th e next day , o r eve n tha t ver y instant , i t turn s ou t tha t yo u reall y ar e a tsar." 7 1 Because o f he r debilitatin g personal problem s an d illnes s that spring , sh e di d no t ge t aroun d t o writin g t o Struv e unti l th e

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end o f May , whe n sh e submitte d tw o poem s t o Russian Thought. Then sh e left Mosco w an d spen t the summer i n the Saratov area . Struve's magi c di d no t wor k s o quickl y o r effectivel y a s Parno k seemed initiall y t o think . H e wa s slo w i n respondin g t o he r first submission, an d th e respons e itsel f ma y no t hav e bee n entirel y positive. Not t o b e daunted , a s soo n a s she returned t o Moscow a t the en d o f August , sh e sen t hi m thre e mor e poem s togethe r wit h the briefes t o f cove r letters , a t th e en d o f whic h sh e wrote, " I shal l be extremel y gratefu l i f thi s tim e yo u d o no t tak e s o lon g i n responding." 72 His answe r cam e i n abou t thre e weeks . H e coul d accep t onl y one o f th e thre e poem s sh e ha d submitted , an d hi s ow n choic e fel l on th e lyric , "Whos e strang e an d savag e will. " Th e hea d o f th e poetry section , Valer y Bryusov , di d no t agre e wit h hi s choice , however. Parno k responde d tha t sh e agree d wit h Struv e (indeed , even five year s late r sh e stil l recite d "Whos e strang e an d savag e will" a t publi c readings ) an d adde d thi s characteristicall y prou d comment: " I a m no t i n a hurr y t o publis h an d I don' t hav e any thing agains t m y poe m appearin g i n th e Apri l o r Ma y issu e o f Russian Thought. In orde r no t t o distur b yo u further , J shall write to Bryusov myself abou t thi s matter." 73 "Whose strang e an d savag e will " finally appeare d i n th e Jul y 1911 issu e o f Russian Thought. I t treate d frankly , bu t agai n i n traditional poeti c language , th e alienatin g aspect s o f se x i n th e absence o f love . Whose strange and savage will had cast a spell on us, at that despondent, that night-time hour deep— was I tormenting fate, was I by fate tormented, who came and stood your life in front o f me? Our hearts are still replete with our night's madness, but there's a lifeless wrinkle by your mouth; the needless words we speak are more abrupt and cruder, an emptiness has frozen i n our eyes . . . Oh ominous design! Paints that have been poisoned! What has the artist of this canvas done

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to paint two solitary, tragic masks like ours, and merge two strangers' bodies into one? The depictio n o f sexua l passio n a s distinc t fro m lov e an d mor e akin t o hate , a s wel l a s th e notio n tha t sex ca n b e violen t an d alienating, informe d man y o f Parnok' s lov e lyric s a t thi s time . Sh e portrayed th e due l o f se x wit h particula r animu s i n anothe r poem , "To Him, " i n whic h th e gender s o f th e lover s ar e ambiguous . Th e speaker i s mos t likel y female , bu t sh e addresse s a quintessentiall y androgynous love r who m sh e call s bot h he r "enemy " ( a masculin e noun an d th e likel y he o f th e poem' s title ) an d he r "passion " ( a feminine nou n an d th e likel y she o n who m th e addresse e wa s modeled). Althoug h th e languag e o f thi s poe m wa s onc e agai n undeniably bookish , ther e was autobiographica l authenticit y i n th e depiction o f sex a s a powe r struggl e an d i n th e aphrodisia c effec t that despai r tende d t o hav e o n Parnok . To one another we're condemned by love, as by an oath of vengefulness , our pleasure always is replete with terror and a sense of desperateness . . . Oh what a fateful due l it is! Two hearts made burning hot eternally by hate that can't be satisfied — two bodies loving intertwinedly. In 191 1 Parno k bega n publishin g i n ye t anothe r journal , New Life. Th e Marc h issu e containe d "Prayer " (abou t th e poet' s "mis tress Anguish"), which ha d bee n writte n tw o year s previously , an d an importan t lyrica l meditatio n o f mor e recen t vintag e tha t th e poet hersel f wa s fon d of : At times our premonitions, at times our recollections uncover to our souls a world beyond our knowledge: we like the features o f the faces we have dreamed of , the voices and the hues that make our hearts responsive; and often al l our lives, we yearn for them in secret.

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We can't resist a thing that resonates their music; we seek them in all things, the fleetingand eternal, in pictures, poems, and in our beloved women. . . . Is that not why, my darling, you have me in your power? What voice has made your voice become its repetition? From whose curved lips have yours retained their obstinacy? Whose arms encircle me when I'm in your embraces? Despite he r feelin g tha t thi s poe m wa s a success , Parno k ha d fallen int o a depressio n b y th e tim e tha t i t appeare d i n print . Sh e missed Gurevic h an d foun d hersel f "daydreaming " abou t her . Sh e wasn't writin g muc h an d di d no t kno w i f wha t sh e di d writ e wa s good. He r stalemate d literar y caree r an d th e endles s melodram a o f her lov e lif e weighe d heavil y upo n her . Sh e wrot e t o Gurevich , "The lif e I' m composin g fo r mysel f i s mor e talentles s tha n m y poems," an d wen t o n t o analyz e he r "mai n misfortune " a s a deficient instinc t fo r self-preservation. 74 Sh e believed sh e too ofte n allowed othe r peopl e t o tak e he r tim e an d energ y unti l the y wer e exhausted. He r sacrific e o f energy , moreover , ha d yielde d n o posi tive result s t o hersel f o r other s an d wa s interferin g wit h he r writing. She had approache d anothe r crossroad s i n he r creativ e journey . Two year s ha d passe d sinc e sh e ha d broke n awa y fro m Volken shtein i n orde r t o mak e a ne w start . Th e lyrica l fruit s o f thos e tw o years ha d bee n spars e and , i n he r ow n judgment , "talentless, " while he r romanti c escapade s ha d prove d mor e numerou s and , i n her eye s aestheticall y tasteless . In March , thoug h sufferin g fro m one o f he r Grave' s relate d headache s tha t mad e i t har d t o find th e words sh e wanted , sh e wrot e o f he r dissatisfactio n t o Gurevic h a s straightforwardly a s sh e fel t sh e coul d (and , i n a ver y talente d way): When I look over my life, I feel awkward as one does when reading a cheap novel: it has a five-storyintrigue and venomous women and so muc h o f th e mos t Frenc h blathe r an d falsit y tha t i t make s m e groan from shame . Everything that I find utterly repulsive in a work

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of art, that can never be in my poetry, is evidently in me somewhere and seeks embodiment, an d so I look upon my life with a fastidiou s grimace the way a person with good taste looks upon other people's tastelessness. Bu t th e tastelessnes s i s no t somebod y else's , it' s m y own. Shoul d on e b e completel y frank ? I remember ho w th e gam e ended tha t Ferdyshchenk o invent s i n The Idiot. But I'l l sa y i t any way. I think tha t if I were to find mysel f i n the best, most desirable society, of which I dream ceaselessly, in a few months I would again create on the side some sort of utterly intolerabl e melodrama, afte r which I would feel nauseated just looking at myself.75 Parnok's quandar y evolve d fro m th e fac t tha t he r lif e experi ence was her primary lyrica l inspiration, bu t th e kind o f lif e sh e led seemed incompatibl e wit h th e patriarcha l standard s o f goo d tast e in ar t tha t sh e ha d internalize d an d insiste d o n enforcin g upo n herself. Ye t sh e ha d finally mustere d th e courag e t o accep t he r putative tastelessnes s a s he r own . Thi s unqualifie d self-acceptanc e proved t o b e th e first significan t ste p i n modifyin g he r aestheti c standards i n orde r t o giv e he r moral-emotiona l dispositio n th e poetic embodimen t i t rightfully demanded . When sh e wrot e he r confessio n t o Gurevich , th e seed s o f trans forming he r lif e wer e alread y germinating : "Yo u as k abou t m y external life : i t i s th e mos t humdru m imaginabl e an d i n it , un needed b y anyone , I' m becomin g a grumbler . I drea m abou t a great journe y a s a mean s towar d rebirth , bu t I think that' s a self deception." 76 Th e though t o f escapin g fro m th e temptation s o f Moscow continue d t o seduc e her, however, an d sh e als o desired t o see Gurevich . A s ha d happene d th e previou s year , whe n Lyubo v Yakovlevna passe d throug h Mosco w i n lat e May , Parno k hap pened t o b e out o f town , an d the y misse d eac h othe r b y hours . By thi s tim e th e poe t ha d move d again . He r ne w roo m i n Kozitsky Lan e wa s rente d onl y unti l Jun e 20 , however , an d o n June 4 sh e wrot e t o Gurevic h t o as k whethe r Lyubo v Yakovlevn a might b e abl e t o find he r a roo m wit h ful l boar d i n th e neighbor hood o f he r countr y estat e i n Revyakin o s o the y coul d b e togethe r for th e summer .

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If Parno k di d spen d an y par t o f he r summe r wit h Gurevich , i t was probabl y i n August . A t th e beginnin g o f Jul y sh e arrive d i n Marienhof, nea r Riga , fo r a vacatio n b y th e se a tha t appeare d t o have bee n decide d o n a t the last minute . During th e summe r he r dream s abou t a grea t journe y o f re newal, self-deceptiv e a s the y ma y hav e seemed , move d towar d realization. In Augus t sh e sen t Chatskin a fou r poem s tha t sh e wanted t o publis h i n Northern Annals. Afte r receivin g them , So phia Isaakovn a wrot e t o Gurevich , ravin g abou t Parnok' s talen t and sayin g ho w sh e woul d lik e "t o lure " he r t o Petersburg. 77 Her enticement s evidentl y succeeded . In September, Parno k move d back to the capital an d remained there , in an apartment o n Vasilevsky Island, fo r a t leas t half a year . Shortly afte r arriving , sh e learne d o f th e newspape r Russian Talk an d wen t t o se e the hea d o f th e literar y section , Bori s Sadov skoy. "H e mad e a most unfavorabl e impressio n o n me, " she wrot e to Gurevic h a year later, "h e carrie s himself a s if he were an officia l on specia l assignmen t fo r a ministr y o f literar y affairs ; he' s a fuss y man, a 'diplomat ' an d indecentl y worldl y . . . ; he' s extremel y observant o f prais e an d criticis m an d a s sensitiv e a s a beautifu l woman surrounde d b y men. I think h e lacks impartiality." 78 After tw o meeting s wit h Sadovsko y an d hi s passin g remar k during on e o f the m tha t h e was "ver y greedy " an d di d mos t o f th e work fo r th e literar y sectio n o f Russian Talk himself , Parno k de cided tha t i t woul d b e "indelicate " t o offe r hi m he r services . Sh e also coole d o n th e ide a o f writin g fo r a newspaper . Th e pac e frightened her , an d sh e di d no t lik e th e though t o f appearin g a s a write r i n "dishabille, " whic h Sadovsko y ha d tol d he r "i n a n authoritative tone " was natura l i n newspaper writing . A more persona l attractio n o f livin g i n Petersbur g ha d bee n th e chance t o se e Gurevic h regularly , bu t thi s prove d mor e difficul t than Parno k expected , fo r Lyubo v Yakovlevn a wa s overwhelme d with work , an d althoug h bot h wome n visite d Chatskina , thei r visits never seeme d t o coincide .

"LOVE SUMMON S ME , AN D I WON' T CONTRADIC T HE R . . . " 8

7

As winter cam e on, Parno k hersel f becam e bus y an d sequestere d herself a t home. Finally, a t the end o f October , sh e wrote Gurevic h to find out when Lyubo v Yakovlevn a woul d nex t b e at Chatskina' s so tha t sh e coul d pla n o n meetin g he r there . Sh e needed advic e o n an articl e sh e wa s writin g abou t Theophil e Gautier . Sh e als o wa s looking forwar d t o working on Flaubert' s correspondence , bu t ha d to pu t thi s majo r projec t of f fo r lac k o f tim e t o d o th e necessar y reading. "A t th e moment," sh e concluded, " I feel indecentl y talent less and depressed." 79 Two o f he r poems appeare d i n the Decembe r issu e of New Life: "Like th e imag e o f a divinity, " whic h ha d bee n writte n th e previ ous year , an d "Madrigal, " a conventionalize d portrai t o f on e o f her lovers . Thi s woma n embodie d th e poeti c speaker' s idea l o f beauty an d hel d he r "spellbound " wit h he r "mournfu l speech, " "childishly joyful , crue l mouth, " "skille d languors, " "inhuma n radiantly blac k eyes, " an d "marvelou s smil e i n whic h al l [was ] permitted . . . an d paradis e [was ] foreve r reconcile d wit h hell. " Lyrical shade s o f Nadezhd a Polyakova . Parnok ha d com e t o Petersbur g i n orde r t o concentrat e o n he r writing. "Eve r sinc e I arrive d her e fro m Moscow, " sh e wrot e Gnesin towar d th e en d o f th e year , "I'v e though t constantl y i n my work o f delightin g yo u a t las t wit h somethin g completel y worth y of you r attention. " Althoug h sh e di d indee d "liv e lik e a monk " i n Petersburg, her hopes remained unrealized , an d he r journey prove d to b e the "self-deception " sh e had feared. 80 The beginnin g o f th e ne w yea r foun d he r "i n th e mos t joyles s mood" abou t he r wor k an d "terribl y upset " abou t ho w thing s ha d turned ou t wit h Russian Talk. Sh e ha d apparentl y overcom e he r pride an d agree d t o wor k fo r Sadovsko y onl y t o realiz e tha t he r freedom t o writ e o n th e poet s sh e wante d wa s limite d becaus e h e had first choic e o f book s t o review . Sh e wrote t o Gurevich , sayin g she neede d advic e an d "cheerin g up, " fo r sh e ha d becom e fright ened a t her ow n "despondency." 81 Three month s late r sh e lef t Petersbur g unexpectedl y wit h bor -

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rowed money . Judgin g b y a lette r sh e wrot e t o Gurevic h fro m Moscow, th e te n rouble s sh e owe d Lyubo v Yakovlevn a "tor mented" her , an d sh e wa s abashe d an d annoye d tha t th e large r sum o f a hundre d rouble s sh e ha d borrowe d fro m someon e els e could no t b e pai d bac k immediately . Du e t o th e re d tap e involve d in transferring th e mone y fro m th e Taganro g ban k t o he r Mosco w account s o that sh e could forwar d i t to he r creditor s i n Petersburg , they woul d hav e t o wai t a fe w day s longe r tha n sh e ha d expected . The seemingl y trivia l dela y i n repayin g th e loa n appeare d t o upse t her greatly . All her lif e sh e manifested a n almos t neuroti c horror a t being i n anybody' s debt , no t onl y literally , bu t als o symbolicall y and creatively . The issue of the hundred rouble s ma y have upset her a t this tim e especially becaus e th e facts o f he r financial situatio n wer e starin g her to o obviousl y i n th e face—namely , sh e had t o work fo r pa y i n order t o suppor t he r writing . "M y dear, " sh e wrot e t o Gurevic h from Moscow , "everythin g i s turnin g ou t mos t depressingly . . . . Thank you , m y friend , fo r arrangin g fo r m e t o writ e review s fo r Lyatsky. N o doubt , I'l l lik e th e work . Bu t a t th e momen t I' m utterly exhausted . Nothin g make s m e happy ; it' s obviou s tha t without a salar y I can' t suppor t mysel f n o matte r wher e I migh t go, even to heaven. It' s horribly tedious." 82 After thi s lette r al l trace s o f Parno k see m agai n t o hav e bee n swallowed int o a black hole . Like 1904 , the year 1912 . appears no t to exist in her biography . All that ca n be surmised fro m subsequen t events i s tha t sh e spen t som e tim e i n Taganro g durin g tha t yea r and tha t sh e witnesse d ther e a "spectacle " (he r ow n word ) tha t made a n indelibl e impressio n o n he r an d significantl y change d he r understanding o f lif e an d he r approac h t o he r work .

3-

"Oh, Stea l M e Awa y from M y D e a t h . . . "

I was very distant fro m m y father, s o for m e his death was not the death of a loved one, but death as such. And I saw that spectacle for the first time . I don't understan d it , and I didn't understand i t even when I witnessed th e whol e process , bu t a t moment s th e sens e of obliteration reache s suc h intensity, suc h clarity, that it overwhelm s all other feelings. Parnok wrot e thi s to Gurevic h a t the beginnin g of January 191 3 after sh e had receive d a letter fro m Lyubo v Yakovlevn a tha t "mad e a ver y stron g impression " o n her . Gurevic h ha d onc e agai n ex pressed he r fait h i n Parnok' s poetr y an d ha d aske d wh y sh e ha d decided t o leav e Petersbur g an d th e caree r sh e had finally begu n t o make fo r hersel f there . Parno k replie d tha t sh e ha d becom e awar e of a profoun d chang e i n herself . Almos t withou t he r noticin g it , her "consciousnes s ha d bee n reborn, " an d everythin g tha t ha d seemed necessar y t o he r befor e ha d no w becom e unnecessary . Sh e linked th e change to her father' s death , which ha d mad e her realiz e that sh e lacke d a vocation . Sh e realize d tha t literatur e ha d bee n merely a n occupatio n whic h sh e preferred t o other s an d ha d take n up becaus e othe r career s wer e les s appealing . He r feelin g tha t al l 89

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occupations wer e superfluou s ha d a deleterious effec t o n he r work . In going to Petersbur g sh e had thought , wrongly , tha t wha t wasn' t coming from inside coul d b e summone d b y externa l stimuli . He r decision t o retur n t o Mosco w therefor e seeme d t o he r "a n ac t o f the mos t elementar y conscientiousness. " O f course , her Petersbur g friends an d well-wishers , includin g Yuli a Veisberg , di d no t agree . They tol d he r tha t i n leaving the capital , sh e was signin g a warran t for he r ow n bankruptcy . Parno k realize d ver y wel l th e financial consequences o f passin g u p a journalisti c caree r i n Petersburg . "Yes, I di d sig n m y nam e t o insolvency, " sh e wrot e Gurevich , "because my pride mean t mor e t o m e than my vanity." * From anothe r standpoint , though , Yako v Parnokh' s deat h wa s an unforesee n boo n t o hi s oldes t daughter . I t free d he r fro m hi s immediate presenc e an d thu s allowe d he r t o begi n th e proces s o f coming t o term s wit h he r "distant " progenitor , who m sh e ha d loved, lon g ago , in her nearl y forgotten , "carefree " infanc y (befor e her mother' s death) , bu t wit h whom , sinc e then , sh e ha d stub bornly refuse d t o admi t an y spiritua l kinship . Because she so assid uously reinforce d an d asserte d he r father' s absenc e i n he r life , i t had continue d t o b e to o painfu l a woun d withi n her . Whe n sh e went hom e t o witnes s he r father' s dying , i t fel t t o he r agai n a s i f she wer e no t relate d t o him , an d no t a membe r o f hi s family , neither a loya l son , lik e he r brother , no r a dutifu l daughter , lik e her sister , bu t merel y a spectato r a t a publi c event . Sh e denie d hi s death's relevanc e t o her , claimin g i t wa s no t th e deat h o f a "love d one," bu t "deat h a s such, " a spectacl e fro m whic h sh e ha d bee n separated, a s a membe r o f th e audienc e i s separate d fro m event s on stage . At the same time, her need to bridge the distance from he r father, whic h hi s deat h ha d mad e permanent , seeme d t o increase . However on e choose s t o interpre t them , psychologically o r spiritu ally, Parnok' s tur n towar d Go d an d he r spiritua l searching s wer e obviously a direct consequenc e o f he r father' s death . A fa r mor e mundan e bu t symbolicall y relate d an d immediat e consequence wa s he r chang e o f hear t abou t workin g fo r Russian

" O H , STEA L M E AWA Y FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . " 9

1

Talk.2 Whe n Gurevich , wh o wrot e dram a review s fo r th e paper , invited Parno k t o revie w fo r i t a t th e beginnin g o f 1913 , the poe t demurred. Sh e did no t lik e the literar y sectio n becaus e sh e though t it suffere d fro m "modisbness —a foreig n disease , alie n t o th e Rus sian spirit , bu t nonetheles s extremel y dangerou s t o it. " Moreover , she did no t believ e Sadovskoy wa s s o eager fo r he r service s now a s Gurevich claimed , an d sh e suspecte d tha t h e ha d probabl y agree d to he r writin g fo r Russian Talk a t Gurevich' s urging . "I n a word , dear Lyubo v Yakovlevna, " sh e concluded , "thi s i s my answer : i n principle it' s possibl e fo r me , bu t I don' t kno w ye t i f i t wil l b e possible i n fact ; tw o review s o f 10 0 lines each pe r mont h suit s me , but I must kno w exactly wha t are a th e paper i s assigning to me." 3 Parnok's quandar y ove r writin g fo r th e newspape r naturall y disturbed Gurevic h les s than th e poet' s morbi d convictio n tha t lif e was pointles s i n th e fac e o f death . Sh e tried "t o infect " he r youn g friend, "i f onl y fo r a moment, " wit h a sens e o f th e reasonablenes s of death 4 an d counsele d th e wisdo m an d sweetnes s o f humilit y i n submitting t o death' s inevitability . Wha t impresse d Parno k most , however, wa s Gurevich' s opennes s i n communicatin g he r privat e thoughts o n "th e mos t importan t thing. " I t seeme d t o heral d a greater intimac y i n thei r relationship , whic h mad e Parno k wan t t o respond wit h equa l candor , thoug h t o writ e abou t suc h matter s was "ver y difficult " fo r her . The wisdom o f humility tha t transform s th e horror o f death int o a mystery of salvation is alien to my whole spiritual make-up. I understand humility fro m hopelessness , or fro m th e consciousness of the futility o f one's will; I'm familiar wit h the bitterness of humility, but its sweetness is beyond m y comprehension. Saviores s o r violatress, death i s ou r consciousnes s o f th e unavoidabl e end , an d th e mor e acute that consciousnes s is , the more aimles s lif e seems . If deat h i s the beneficent destroye r of life's difficulties, the n what's the point of life, what' s th e poin t o f striving ? I s ou r whol e existenc e nothin g more than a way of passing time? I feel that suc h an interpretatio n of lif e canno t hel p bu t en d i n complet e demoralization , an d tha t horrifies me . . .. I f on e look s a t lif e a s merel y a wa y o f passin g

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time, one can sink into complete "spiritual dishabille. " . . . Only by denying death throug h fait h i n immortality ca n one attain recogni tion that life is something reasonable. Until the day I saw a man die, I di d no t understan d tha t deat h i s annihilation . Bu t no w I realize that it is, and everything has become superfluous. 5 Parnok wa s predispose d t o believ e i n immortalit y i f onl y i n order t o fin d som e purpos e t o he r life . He r father' s deat h ha d mysteriously plante d i n he r th e see d o f faith , althoug h a t first th e opposite appeare d t o b e th e case , an d sh e remaine d consciousl y unaware o f thi s mystical transfer . In mid-Januar y Gurevic h unexpectedl y replace d Sadovsko y a s head o f th e literary sectio n o f Russian Talk. Sadovskoy' s departur e surprised Parnok , sinc e she felt th e paper neede d critic s lik e him t o keep it s circulation . "Th e publi c like s chic, " sh e wrot e Gurevich , "and you'l l probabl y wan t t o kee p hi m a s a gourme t offering . I have n o doubt s tha t th e literar y sectio n tha t you'l l hea d wil l b e superb; needles s t o say , i n thinkin g that , I mean tha t onc e you'v e become convince d o f m y bankruptcy , you'l l dro p m e fro m th e staff o f permanen t critics." 6 Sh e conclude d thes e self-deprecatin g remarks wit h a seriou s communication : " I hav e som e poems , bu t they ar e too intimat e t o b e published i n a newspaper. " Illness prevente d Parno k fro m meetin g th e deadlin e fo r he r first review. Sh e sen t i t t o Gurevic h a fe w day s lat e wit h a cove r lette r in which sh e justified th e harshness o f he r criticis m o n th e ground s that "chatterboxe s shoul d no t b e encourage d t o publis h thei r idl e chatter," eve n thoug h sh e ha d n o fait h tha t sh e woul d b e abl e t o discourage the m "sinc e stupidit y i s a n incurabl e disease." 7 Som e of th e sarcas m an d severit y i n her review s may have stemme d fro m her insecurit y abou t he r righ t t o b e a critic . A t th e sam e time , sh e obviously wante d t o b e take n seriousl y b y he r readers . Tha t ma y have bee n on e reaso n wh y sh e chos e t o writ e he r criticis m unde r a male pseudonym—Andre y Polyanin . In makin g thi s decisio n sh e followed th e practic e o f score s o f wome n reviewer s o f he r da y who sough t th e authorit y conferre d b y masculinit y i n thei r male -

" O H , STEA L M E AWA Y FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . " 9

3

dominated literar y culture . Fa r mor e suggestiv e wa s th e Rus sianness o f th e pe n nam e sh e chos e fo r he r criticism , whic h epito mized he r critica l poin t o f view . Th e adoptio n o f a specia l pseud onym fo r he r journalis m als o serve d t o separat e i t fro m he r poetr y and symbolically , perhaps , t o preserv e th e latte r fro m infectio n b y "newspaper dishabille. " In submittin g he r firs t review , sh e gav e Gurevic h permissio n t o make any changes she deemed necessar y an d expresse d a disarmin g impatience t o se e he r word s i n print . Sh e wa s als o unabashedl y eager fo r he r honorarium , joking , "M y pocke t i s even mor e empt y than m y head. " She was upse t whe n he r revie w ha d no t appeare d b y th e en d o f the month . It s lengthines s an d hostil e ton e apparentl y displease d Gurevich, althoug h sh e di d no t sa y s o directly . Bu t Parno k go t th e message: "Althoug h yo u wrot e tha t yo u 'wan t [my ] review s terri bly,' I sensed i n you r lette r a dissatisfactio n wit h wha t I' d written . But th e materia l I was sen t t o revie w wa s s o poor tha t i t was har d for m e to sa y anything importan t abou t it." 8 The revie w finally appeare d i n the Februar y 2 7 issue and withi n a week Parnok gratefull y receive d her honorarium alon g with som e other goo d news . At her request , Gurevic h ha d broache d t o Struv e at Russian Thought th e subjec t o f Parnok' s ne w askin g pric e fo r her poetry—sh e ha d decide d t o rais e i t fro m twent y five t o thirt y kopecks pe r line—an d Struv e ha d agree d t o pa y he r "pri s courant." 9 Parnok mad e he r debu t a s a poe t i n th e page s o f Northern Annals i n th e Februar y 191 3 issue , an d tw o month s late r he r first review articl e fo r tha t journa l appeared . Entitle d "Noteworth y Names," i t deal t wit h recen t book s o f vers e b y Klyuev , Akhma tova, an d Severyanin . I n he r first majo r critica l article , Parnok Polyanin emerge d a s an antimodernis t whos e prais e fo r contempo rary poet s wa s limite d t o thei r technica l achievement s only . Sh e upheld th e classics—Pushkin, Goethe , Dante. They exemplified fo r her "th e spiri t o f th e poet, " whic h sh e define d a s th e suprem e

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, STEA L M E AWA Y FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . "

conjoining o f min d an d heart , somethin g sh e foun d generall y an d regrettably lackin g in modernist poetry . Her literar y conservatis m seeme d a t odd s wit h he r wa y o f lif e and flaunting o f publi c opinion . In thi s respec t sh e resemble d he r European contemporarie s Radclyff e Hal l and , t o a lesse r degree , Natalie Cliffor d Barney , wh o bot h tende d t o conservatis m i n al l things excep t thei r opennes s abou t thei r lesbianism . Mos t o f Par nok's criticis m wa s written , o f course , befor e sh e realize d he r potential a s a poet an d bega n forgin g he r ow n modernis t styl e an d point o f view . The y to o woul d differ , however , fro m fin de siecle modernism i n Europ e an d Russia , whic h owe d a large r deb t t o decadence tha n Parno k wa s prepared t o shoulder . In he r nex t articl e fo r Northern Annals, "Seekin g th e Pat h o f Art," sh e continue d he r antimodernis t attack , thi s time agains t th e antisymbolist, modernis t poet s wh o calle d themselve s acmeists . The issu e als o containe d a poem o f her s dedicate d t o Lyubo v Gur evich: A light profound, a light endearing, you passed along this soul of mine— your ray plunged under fields to shine on cornshoots, previously fallow . And then I dreamed—of blossoming , and bounteous harvests in my desert, and in my heart, blue and calmly, streamed morning from m y years of spring. 10 This poe m reveale d th e materna l natur e o f Parnok' s creativit y a s well a s he r nee d t o b e penetrate d an d fertilize d b y femal e wisdo m (light). The poeti c fertilizatio n Parno k ha d receive d fro m Gurevic h had bee n purel y spiritual ; i n he r othe r relationship s wit h creativ e women, i t woul d b e roote d i n carnality . Th e poe m t o Gurevic h also typifie d Parnok' s us e o f traditiona l agricultura l imager y t o write abou t he r creativity , he r frequen t employmen t o f th e colo r blue t o expres s positive , spirituall y exalte d moods , an d he r fond ness for speakin g of her life, again traditionally, i n terms of season s

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5

and time s o f da y a s well a s for lookin g bac k o n he r infanc y ("year s of spring" ) a s the onl y purely happy tim e of he r life . The mor e turbulen t sid e o f th e poet' s lif e wa s reflecte d i n th e "Sonnet" tha t appeare d i n th e Ma y issu e of Russian Thought. Th e poem i s noteworth y fo r th e fac t tha t th e lover s i n it , th e speake r and he r addressee , ar e bot h marke d (grammatically , throug h th e second- an d first-perso n singula r pas t tens e form s o f th e ver b "be came" i n line 4) a s being female : We hadn't noticed what the dusk was up to,— the muslin curtains suddenly looked grey, the carpet deepened, the armchairs' outlines softened , and you became—not you, and I became—not I. A total stranger dropped her hand in sorrow upon the place your hand had been till then, and suddenly we knew our love was joyless, and bloomed while hiding its own lack of strength. Day's plashes had died down outside the windows when oddly sharp, your voice began to speak unnecessary words we both found strange ; when you got up, your shawl around your shoulders, and rustling, your silks said their "so-long," when leaving, you gave me the merest nod. 11 None o f th e lov e affair s Parno k ha d durin g th e fou r year s fro m her divorc e unti l th e sprin g o f 191 3 appea r t o hav e bee n long lasting, an d non e o f he r lover s fro m thi s perio d lef t thei r name s i n her poetry. Sh e obviously was not lookin g for a permanent partner , and, despit e th e alienatio n an d miser y tha t som e o f he r lov e affair s brought her , sh e enjoye d he r bachelo r existence . Eventually , how ever, th e energ y demande d b y fallin g i n an d ou t o f lov e bega n t o take its toll physically an d creatively . In th e sprin g o f 1913 , sh e me t an d fel l i n lov e wit h Iraid a (Rayechka) Albrecht , th e socialit e daughte r o f a wealth y Mosco w family, wh o wa s though t t o b e a grea t beauty . Th e wome n spen t the summe r togethe r i n Butovo , a countr y plac e outsid e o f Mos cow, where Parnok , buoye d b y her ne w love , plunged int o creativ e

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activity, unusua l fo r he r i n th e summertime . Sh e returne d t o he r novella Anton Ivanovich. Her desir e fo r wor k di d no t abat e i n th e fal l no r di d he r desir e to continu e livin g with he r ne w woma n friend . Fo r th e first tim e in her lif e sh e rente d hersel f a n entir e apartment , a n actio n ful l o f symbolic significance , a s she wrote t o Gurevich : I was very happy to get your letter. What pleasure it would give me, if, right now , I coul d ru n u p th e stair s t o you r office , se e tha t devastating NO T I N sign o n th e door , ignor e you r ster n Tatyana' s instructions, g o in , hea r a year-and-a-half' s wort h o f you , an d "catch u p o n th e tim e we'v e bee n apart. " Bu t a t present , I don' t think I'l l b e able to ge t out o f Mosco w fo r a long while. However one runs from time , it catches up to one—I'm evidentl y getting old and n o longe r u p t o m y forme r nomadi c wa y o f life , an d s o I'v e become th e possessor o f a n apartment . I' m rentin g a whole apart ment, hav e eve n acquire d som e furniture , an d now , a s a resul t of luxury fa r beyon d m y means, I' m a stay-at-home i n Kolokolniko v Lane wit h m y girlfrien d an d a monkey , who , b y th e way , despit e her considerabl e monke y charm , i s rathe r unbearabl e a s a housemate for humans. So much for the external side of my life.12 Ironically, domestic happiness, perhaps becaus e it too was a first in Parnok' s life , too k som e gettin g use d to . It seemed t o contradic t the gloomy view of he r poetic life that sh e continued t o believ e was her fate : "Ther e ar e n o miracle s i n my life , an d it' s obviou s tha t something ver y sa d an d gloom y i s goin g t o com e ou t o f me . An d no doub t i t was not t o have been otherwise." 13 In th e earl y fal l Parno k an d Maximilia n Shteinberg , a colleagu e of Gnesin' s an d th e brother-in-la w o f Yuli a Veisberg , decide d t o write a n oper a togethe r o n a subjec t fro m th e Arabian Nights. Parnok, wit h he r usua l enthusiasm , se t t o wor k immediatel y an d quickly finished th e tex t fo r th e first scene . Shteinber g wa s some what abashe d a t he r ardo r an d aske d he r no t t o begi n th e nex t scene unti l h e ha d foun d musica l materia l fo r th e first. Neverthe less, a s soo n a s sh e receive d th e librett o bac k fro m hi m i n mid November, sh e bega n writin g th e secon d scene . Her hop e was tha t

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Shteinberg woul d b e inspire d b y seein g th e librett o i n it s entirety . "The impressio n I go t fro m ou r conversation, " sh e wrot e hi m i n November, "ha s lef t m e thinkin g constantl y o f way s I migh t b e able t o entice yo u int o thi s project . Yo u ar e no t a t al l sanguin e about it s succes s whil e I hav e alread y falle n i n lov e wit h ou r heroine an d her o an d s o want t o hear them tha t I' m takin g the ris k of becomin g a nag." 1 4 The fal l brough t he r mor e succes s i n he r journalisti c career . I n late Octobe r Gurevic h offere d he r a permanen t staf f positio n o n Russian Thought whic h sh e tentatively agree d t o accept , assumin g that i t woul d no t interfer e wit h he r reviewin g commitment s t o Northern Annals. Whe n sh e informe d Chatskin a b y telephon e o f her decision , Sophi a Isaakovn a becam e upset . Sh e explaine d tha t she an d Sake r ha d wante d t o offe r Parno k th e sam e sor t o f posi tion, bu t ha d no t don e s o becaus e the y di d no t wan t t o tak e he r away fro m he r writing . Parno k realize d sh e coul d no t hol d th e same positio n o n th e staff s o f competin g journal s an d decide d t o take th e positio n a t Northern Annals because , a s sh e explaine d t o Gurevich, "Russian Thought i s alie n t o m e a s i t i s t o you ; a t Northern Annals th e possibilit y o f makin g a n importan t creativ e contribution appeal s t o me . Besides , i n turnin g dow n Russian Thought, whic h i n essenc e i s no t yours , bu t somebod y else's , I' m not offendin g yo u i n an y wa y whil e I would see m t o b e 'offending ' Sophia Isaakovn a an d Yako v Lvovic h i f I turned the m down." 1 5 Parnok wrot e onl y fou r lyric s tha t ca n b e date d t o th e fal l o f 1913. Thre e o f the m appeare d i n th e Decembe r issu e o f Northern Annals, alon g wit h he r revie w o f a collectio n o f shor t stories . Sh e devoted he r creativ e energ y tha t fal l t o he r librett o an d novella . Chatskina reporte d o n th e latter' s progres s t o Gurevic h wh o wa s ill durin g th e earl y winter . Whe n sh e was o n th e roa d t o recovery , Parnok hersel f wrot e t o her, "Sophi a Isaakovn a ha s told yo u abou t my novella . It' s m y first bi g work, s o I' m sur e yo u ca n understan d how anxiou s I a m fo r it . I t consume s al l m y thought s an d al l m y time. I f it' s no t to o muc h fo r you , writ e m e abou t yourself , my

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dear, i f onl y a few words . I n the greates t affectio n I kiss your dear , lovely hands, Your S. Parnok."1 6 Thi s is the last of Parnok's extan t letters t o Gurevic h unti l th e mid-1920s . Whateve r correspondenc e they ma y hav e ha d wit h on e anothe r i n th e ensuin g decad e ha s been lost , an d unfortunately , th e manuscrip t o f Parnok' s "firs t bi g work" me t the sam e fate . What migh t b e calle d th e "Gurevic h period " i n Parnok' s lif e had spanne d al l th e majo r passage s o f th e poet' s youth : he r mar riage, divorce, postdivorce "chaos, " her father' s death , her existen tial an d creativ e crisis , an d he r settlin g dow n i n a permanen t relationship an d i n a permanen t journalisti c position . Durin g th e turmoil an d searching s o f thos e years , Gurevic h ha d bee n th e guiding ligh t that Parno k ha d wante d an d neede d he r t o be . In th e earl y sprin g o f 191 4 Parno k an d Albrech t lef t Russi a fo r an extende d tou r o f Europe . They travele d abroa d fo r five months, making thei r first sto p i n Italia n Switzerlan d a t Ascona , nea r Lak e Locarno. Fro m ther e Parno k sen t a postcar d t o Shteinber g apolo gizing fo r he r lon g silenc e an d reportin g tha t variou s event s i n he r life ha d kep t he r fro m wor k o n th e libretto , bu t sh e wa s no w returning t o it. 17 While i n Ascona , Parno k mus t als o hav e worke d o n he r lon g review articl e abou t Andre y Bely' s nove l Petersburg, whic h ap peared i n th e Jun e issu e o f Northern Annals. Bely' s innovativ e work, no w considere d on e o f th e masterpiece s o f Europea n mod ernism, di d not , a s might b e expected, pleas e Parno k a t all . To he r it exemplifie d th e grav e erro r mad e b y writer s wh o wer e at tempting t o reviv e Russia n pros e throug h technica l brillianc e an d formalist experimentatio n alone . Sh e accuse d Bel y o f no t bein g worthy o f hi s epi c them e (th e Revolutio n o f 1905) , o f disdainin g all his characters an d mockin g them fo r th e reader's benefit . T o he r mind h e lacke d respec t fo r th e sanctit y o f genuin e feeling s an d abused iron y t o deleteriou s effect . Sh e mad e he r poin t i n a self revealing metaphor : "Iron y ha s neve r bee n th e mothe r o f a large scale wor k o f fiction: a larg e chil d can' t b e carrie d t o ter m i n a

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small pelvis ; thus, what ha s happene d wa s inevitable : a large chil d has appeare d prematurely , an d Andre y Bely' s Petersburg make s the kind o f unnerving, unnatural impressio n tha t a giant prematur e baby woul d produce." 1 8 Later i n th e sprin g Parno k an d Albrech t wen t sout h t o Italy , visiting Milan , Rome , an d Venice . In Fort e de i Marm i outsid e Venice, the poet wrote one of her strongest poems from thi s period , in whic h sh e contraste d he r impression s o f tw o o f Italy' s mos t famous churches : th e Mila n Cathedra l an d Venice' s Sa n Marco . The speake r begin s b y stating her dislik e fo r churches where the architect speaks more audibly than God, where genius, vying with the Father's will, neither merges with it, nor is lost. (#7 ) She prefers "smoot h Byzantin e cupolas " t o "shar p Gothi c spires, " and he r genderin g o f th e two architectura l style s makes an encode d statement abou t he r affectiona l preference . A t the end o f th e poe m she describes the spiritually orgasmi c impact o n her of San Marco' s smooth line s tha t conve y "th e sacre d powe r o f th e Lord' s will, " and wavelik e cupola s whos e "fluid-smoot h forc e lift s u p [her ] soul" "lik e a fulsom e goblet , fille d t o th e bri m b y God " (#7) . Sa n Marco make s th e poeti c speake r wan t t o prostrat e hersel f befor e God lik e a nun . From Ital y th e wome n friend s travele d nort h throug h German y up t o Hamburg , an d fro m ther e they saile d t o England an d th e Isl e of Wight. They stayed in Shanklin, one of the island's most popula r tourist resorts , a t Napie r House , locate d twent y yard s fro m th e sea. 19 O n Jul y 1 Parnok sen t a postcar d t o on e o f he r an d Raya' s poet friends , Konstanti n Lipskerov , i n whic h sh e note d tha t sh e hadn't "bee n i n th e moo d fo r poetr y th e whol e time " sh e ha d been abroad. 20 The "stupefyin g news " tha t wa r ha d begu n i n Europ e reache d Parnok an d Albrech t i n London , an d th e wome n mad e plan s t o

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return home immediately. As soon a s Parnok was back in Moscow , she tried t o ge t in touch wit h he r brothe r an d sister . I n the hope of learning som e new s o f them , sh e wrot e t o Gnesi n i n Rostov : "I f you kno w anythin g abou t m y brother Valya , be so kind a s to shar e it wit h me . . . . Just a fe w day s ag o I learned tha t Liz a i s i n Berli n and I sen t he r mone y there . I imagin e Valy a i s als o penniles s an d I'm ver y pained b y not bein g able to help him ou t immediately." 21 As i t turne d out , Valenti n ha d lef t Russi a i n Jul y o n a journe y to Palestine . After hi s graduatio n fro m th e university , wher e h e matriculated i n 1909 , he had staye d o n i n Petersburg , pursuing hi s poetry an d estheti c interests in the Russia n avant-gard e movement . In 1913-1 4 h e regularl y attende d Meyerhold' s experimenta l the ater workshop. Unlik e his older sister , he was a modernist throug h and through , and , unlik e he r a s well , h e ha d grow n u p t o b e a n impassioned Zionist . H e spille d ove r wit h rag e agains t Russi a an d the anti-Semitis m o f th e tsaris t government . No r di d h e hav e an y use fo r th e assimilate d Russia n Jewis h intelligentsia : "M y lif e i n Petersburg bre d i n m e a repulsio n fo r th e educatio n provide d i n Russian universities , a conviction i n the worthlessness o f the tsaris t professorial class , i n th e falsenes s o f th e legen d o f a revolutionar y student movement , an d disillusionmen t i n Russia n culture." 22 Hi s journey t o Palestine was thus a n attemp t t o recover his ethnic root s and t o escap e fro m hi s hatred o f Russia . The new s o f th e outbrea k of wa r reache d hi m whe n h e was i n Beirut . By th e tim e Parno k foun d ou t wher e he r brothe r was , h e ha d already reache d Jaffa . Sh e telephoned th e ban k i n Taganrog abou t wiring him funds , onl y to learn that it was impossible "fo r th e tim e being" t o transfe r mone y there . I n th e meanwhil e sh e had receive d information tha t Liz a ha d returne d t o Dresde n wher e th e militar y commander happene d t o b e a frien d o f he r fiance ( a youn g ma n from Taganro g name d Tarakhovsky) . "Asid e fro m wha t yo u tol d me," Parno k wrot e Gnesi n o n Septembe r 19 , "th e onl y thin g I know abou t Valy a i s that h e aske d hi s friend Tarakhovsk y t o sen d him som e money , bu t i t cam e bac k undelivered . I wrote t o Valya ,

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but hav e n o hop e o f gettin g a reply . I als o wrot e t o Liz a twice : once throug h acquaintance s i n Sweden , th e secon d tim e throug h acquaintances i n Italy . But I haven't hear d fro m her." 2 3 Upon he r retur n t o Russia , Parno k move d int o a new apartmen t on Myasnitskay a Street . Aside fro m worrie s abou t he r brothe r an d sister, he r lif e durin g th e earl y fal l wa s cal m an d uneventful . I t proved t o b e the proverbial cal m befor e th e storm . One o f Parnok' s closes t wome n friend s i n Mosco w wa s Ade laida (Ada ) Gertsyk , a memoirist , translator , literar y critic , an d poet whos e onl y publishe d boo k o f verse , Poems, ha d appeare d i n 1910. Adelaid a ha d a younge r sister , Eugenia , bor n circ a 1881 , who ha d matriculate d i n th e Highe r Course s fo r Wome n a t Mos cow Universit y i n 1900 . Eugeni a enjoye d sisterl y intimacie s wit h several o f he r mor e famou s mal e contemporaries , includin g th e philosophers Le v Shesto v an d Nikola i Berdyae v an d th e symbolis t poet Vyachesla v Ivanov , wit h who m sh e wa s particularl y clos e i n the years 1906—9 . These famou s "brothers " an d soulmate s consti tuted th e focu s o f he r publishe d memoir s alon g wit h he r olde r sister, wh o wa s thei r "father' s pride " an d th e emotiona l center , apparently, o f Eugenia' s life. 24 Adelaida ha d bee n withdraw n an d "unaffectionate " a s a child , divorced fro m th e lif e aroun d her , an d livin g i n a fantas y worl d that exclude d adults . " I don' t remember, " sh e wrot e i n he r remi niscences, "whe n precisel y I becam e disenchante d wit h adults . Gradually, th e convictio n too k roo t i n m e tha t nothin g ne w o r important coul d b e expecte d fro m them , but , o n th e contrary , on e had t o protect everythin g on e valued an d loved , hide it, and sav e i t from thei r touch." 2 5 Adelaida' s firs t childhoo d lov e wa s fo r he r girlfriend Grunya , th e daughter o f a workman, whom sh e imagined to b e a Georgia n princes s abducte d fro m he r nativ e lan d an d forgotten i n earl y childhood . I n her yout h Adelaid a ha d a passion ate lov e affai r wit h a youn g ma n tha t ende d tragicall y whe n h e died i n hospita l literall y befor e he r eyes . Th e traum a mad e he r partially deaf .

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At th e ag e o f thirty-fou r sh e marrie d th e so n o f a prominen t military family , Dmitr i Zhukovsky , an d th e followin g sprin g sh e gave birt h t o th e first o f tw o sons . Th e Zhukovsky s settle d i n Moscow i n Krechetnikovsk y Lan e and bega n buildin g a new hous e in Sudak . Lik e he r sister , Adelaid a wa s extremel y attache d t o thi s Crimean tow n o n th e Black Se a near Feodosia . During th e prewa r period , Adelaida' s Mosco w hom e becam e a gathering plac e fo r youn g wome n poets . He r siste r recalle d he r i n two "domestic " roles , supervising th e education an d upbringin g o f her sons , an d "listenin g wit h a n absentmindedl y affectionat e smil e to th e outpouring s o f som e youn g female-poe t wh o ha d becom e attached t o her . Ther e wer e severa l o f the m i n thos e year s aroun d Adelaida," 26 includin g Marin a Tsvetaeva , wh o live d virtually nex t door, i n Bori s an d Gle b Lane , Marina' s sister , Anastasia , an d Maya Kudashov a (ne e Cuviller) , th e illegitimat e daughte r o f a French governes s an d a Russia n midshipma n wh o ha d perishe d a t Tsushima. Parno k apparentl y als o frequente d Adelaid a Gertsyk' s circle. At th e beginnin g o f 1915 , Eugeni a cam e t o liv e wit h he r siste r and brother-in-law . Sh e later recalle d th e wa r year s i n Moscow as , strangely enough , " a happ y oasis " in her and Adelaida's live s when they both "wante d simpl y to be, to see, to give ourselves to creativ e work an d tende r friendship." 27 During th e wa r year s Adelaid a immerse d hersel f i n th e wor k o f the Germa n Romanti c write r Bettin a Brentan o vo n Arnim . Sh e was particularl y draw n t o vo n Arnim' s Correspondence wit h he r romantic friend , th e poe t Karolin e vo n Guenderode , which , alon g with othe r vo n Arni m works , sh e translate d int o Russian. 28 Fo r Gertsyk an d th e femal e poet s i n he r circle , Bettin a vo n Arni m became a cul t figure, a symbo l o f feminine , "Amazon " genius . Gertsyk wa s particularl y fascinate d b y th e eroticis m o f femal e friendship a s expressed i n von Arni m an d Guenderode' s intimacy . In additio n t o a mutua l interes t i n femal e creativity , bot h Gert syk sister s ha d spen t year s o n "spiritua l searchings, " no t s o muc h

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in a ques t fo r faith , bu t fo r th e fait h tha t bes t answere d thei r respective yearnings . Th e wa r year s brough t a resolutio n o f Ade laida's "spiritua l torment " whe n sh e quietly "wen t ove r t o Russia n Orthodoxy." Secretl y fro m he r sister , an d withou t seekin g a well known confessor , sh e simpl y "rejecte d th e oppressiv e untrut h o f Lutheranism an d became , i n th e end , completel y a t hom e i n th e Moscow churche s sh e had com e t o love." 29 Since Parnok's equall y quiet conversio n t o Orthodox y mos t likel y too k plac e a t thi s time , the Gertsyk s ma y wel l hav e provide d he r wit h spiritua l suppor t and encouragement . Adelaida playe d jus t a s significan t a rol e i n Parnok' s romanti c life o f th e wa r years , i f perhap s unconsciously . In mid-Octobe r 1914 Son y a attende d a n evenin g part y a t th e Gertsyk s wher e sh e met Adelaida' s youn g romanti c frien d an d surrogat e "daughter, " Marina Tsvetaeva . Th e onl y detail s availabl e o f thi s fatefu l first meeting ar e containe d i n Tsvetaeva' s lyrica l recollectio n o f the m the followin g Januar y i n th e tent h poe m o f th e cycl e o f lyric s sh e wrote t o Parno k an d eventuall y title d "Girlfriend." 30 Tsvetaeva remembere d Parno k fro m th e momen t sh e entere d the drawin g room , wearin g a simple, black-knit jacke t wit h a win g collar. A fire was cracklin g i n th e grate , the ai r smelle d o f te a an d White Ros e perfume . Almos t immediately , someon e cam e ove r t o Parnok an d sai d ther e wa s a youn g poe t who m sh e ha d t o meet . She go t up , incline d he r hea d slightly , an d pu t a finger t o he r lip s in a characteristi c pose . A s sh e rose , sh e noticed , perhap s fo r th e first time, a young woman wit h short , curl y blond e hair , dresse d i n an almos t gold-colore d faill e dress , who wa s getting up to meet he r with a n unforce d movement . The othe r guest s surrounde d them , an d someon e sai d jocularly , "Get acquainted , gentlemen! " Parno k extende d he r hand , whic h Tsvetaeva recalle d i n he r poe m a s " a slive r o f ic e tha t lingere d o n [her] pal m affectionately. " Sensin g som e sor t o f ironi c commen t from a gues t wh o ha d bee n watchin g ou t o f th e corne r o f hi s eye , Tsvetaeva sa t dow n semipron e i n a n armchai r an d bega n playin g

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nervously wit h he r weddin g ring . The n Parno k too k ou t a ciga rette, an d Tsvetaeva , instinctivel y slippin g int o a courtl y role , of fered he r a match . Later i n th e evening , Tsvetaev a remembere d clinkin g glasse s with Parno k abov e a blue vase. As they toaste d an d locke d glance s for a moment , sh e thought t o herself , "Oh , b e my Orestes! " Spon taneously, sh e took on e o f th e flowers fro m th e vase an d offere d i t to Parnok . She remaine d acutel y consciou s o f he r Orestes' s presenc e th e whole evening . Once , hearin g Parnok' s soft , deep , throat y laug h nearby, sh e wondere d i f th e woma n sh e wa s alread y i n lov e wit h might b e laughin g a t on e o f he r witticisms . Sh e looke d ove r an d watched a s Parno k slowl y dre w a handkerchie f ou t o f he r blac k suede bag and le t it drop o n th e floor . When Tsvetaev a me t an d fel l i n lov e wit h Parnok , sh e wa s twenty-three year s old , marrie d t o a youn g student , Serge y Efron , and ha d a two-year-ol d daughter , Ariadn e (Alia , Alya) . Parno k was he r firs t lesbia n lover , thoug h no t he r first same-se x infatua tion. Sh e considere d hersel f bisexua l an d ha d bee n attracte d t o women sinc e childhood. 31 The combinatio n o f womanliness , boyishness , an d strengt h that sh e perceive d i n th e twenty-nine-year-ol d Parno k attracte d her irresistibly , no t t o mentio n th e dark , romantic , sinfu l aur a that th e olde r woman' s reputatio n ha d inevitabl y create d aroun d her: And your powerloving forehea d under the weight of a reddish helmet —Not a woman and not a boy, But something stronger than me! ("Girlfriend," #io) 3 2 In wishin g Parno k t o b e he r "Orestes, " Tsvetaev a mos t proba bly was indicatin g he r desir e for a homoerotic friendshi p alon g th e lines of the Greek mal e friends Oreste s an d Pylades. 33 Emotionally , she ha d grow n u p wit h a stron g nee d t o b e mothere d an d receiv e

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maternal lov e (he r ow n mother , wh o die d whe n sh e was fourteen , had wante d a so n an d ha d apparentl y bee n cold , possessive , an d capricious wit h he r daughters) . A t th e sam e time , i n he r intimat e relationships, Tsvetaev a wante d t o wiel d th e powe r o f a mother , illustrated i n he r heterosexua l preferenc e fo r boyish , weak , "femi nine," an d ofte n semi-invali d men . Despite he r ow n motherhood , whe n sh e me t Parnok , Tsvetaev a considered hersel f a child . Sh e ha d apparentl y neve r experience d real passio n o r bee n capabl e o f orgasm . Tragicall y fo r he r an d Parnok's relationship , sh e wa s enormousl y investe d i n retainin g her pure , childlik e persona , an d simpl y coul d no t com e t o term s with th e adul t sexualit y Parno k arouse d i n her an d satisfied . Many Tsvetaev a scholar s hav e interprete d he r an d Parnok' s relationship alon g stereotypical , implicitl y homophobi c lines . They see the "rea l lesbian, " Parnok , a s th e active , mannish, evi l seduce r and th e "normal " woman , Tsvetaeva , a s th e passive , sex-denying , innocent victi m o f seduction . T o a certain degree , Tsvetaeva's ow n internalized homophobi a facilitate d thi s view. In some of the "Girl friend" poem s sh e portraye d Parno k a s a "dar k lady " an d "tragi c heroine, whom si n hovers over , lik e a thundercloud" (#1) . Indeed , that decaden t aur a o f th e Baudelairea n femme damnee excite d Tsvetaeva an d mus t hav e mad e he r fee l deliciousl y dangerou s i n loving Parno k a s i f sh e ha d take n th e ris k o f pluckin g he r ow n personal fleur du mal. By attaching a decadent literary imag e to her antidecadent lover , Tsvetaeva belie d he r innocence , a t least i n the lyrica l sphere . In th e same poem i n which sh e cast Parno k a s the dar k lady , she reveale d a sophisticate d awarenes s o f he r ow n stereotypin g procedure s b y delighting i n th e "ironica l enchantment " tha t he r romanti c you addressee was, for th e first time, "not a he." More important , th e "Girlfriend " poem s demonstrate d tha t Tsvetaeva perceive d herself a s playin g th e active , mal e lover' s rol e in he r relationshi p wit h Parnok . Tsvetaev a consistentl y portraye d herself a s a boy , a page , a courtl y love r o f a powerfu l bein g wh o

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was "neithe r a woman , no r a boy" ; sh e sa w hersel f a s a knigh t who wishe d t o perfor m heroic , romantic , an d reckles s deed s i n order t o wi n he r "dar k lady's " favor . Tsvetaeva' s lyrica l self portrait ha d a basi s i n rea l life . Sh e did se t her ca p fo r Parno k an d succeeded i n wooing he r awa y fro m Iraid a Albrecht . Tsvetaeva's poem s t o Parno k als o sho w tha t sh e became ambiv alent abou t he r feelings , primaril y afte r sh e bega n t o wan t th e passion tha t threatene d he r an d he r cherishe d imag e o f hersel f as pur e "Sparta n child. " Sh e fel t sh e wa s losin g contro l o f th e relationship, an d sh e becam e hateful . Fro m tha t moment , he r ani mus drov e her mor e intensel y than he r love . Parnok's feeling s fo r Tsvetaev a wer e slowe r t o crystalliz e an d express themselve s an d ar e muc h harde r t o gues s at . Sh e immedi ately recognize d Tsvetaeva' s giftedness , fel l i n lov e wit h it , nur tured an d cherishe d it , an d neve r cease d t o lov e it . Th e les s gener ous sid e o f he r mus t hav e envie d he r youn g lover' s poeti c gift , bu t she manage d someho w t o conque r he r env y an d wisel y refraine d from vyin g directly wit h Tsvetaev a i n the poetic arena. Sh e rejecte d the loathsom e rol e o f Salier i an d endeavore d t o b e a "Salier i wh o loved hi s Mozart," 3 4 deferrin g t o Tsvetaeva' s desir e t o writ e thei r love into Russia n poetr y i n the "Girlfriend " poems . Tsvetaeva wa s th e secon d (an d last ) poe t wit h who m Parno k had a n intimat e relationship , an d th e onl y poe t sh e wa s eve r i n love with . In he r marriag e t o Volkenshtei n sh e ha d becom e bore d "playing th e rol e o f muse, " an d had , b y he r ow n admission , "played i t vilely , withou t eithe r inspiratio n o r benefit , i n a word , [she] failed i n that role." 3 5 With Tsvetaeva , Parno k playe d th e rol e of mus e an d di d s o superbly : sh e inspire d he r "Bettin a Arnim" — as sh e calle d Tsvetaev a i n on e lyric—t o ne w creativ e achievemen t and elicite d fro m he r arguabl y som e o f th e bes t poems o f he r earl y period. Simultaneously , sh e began , slowly , writin g mor e herself , especially i n 1915 . But while avoiding, or neutralizing, a "duel of wills" with Tsvet aeva i n th e poeti c arena , Parno k too k u p th e challeng e i n th e

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sexual one , a challenge , i f no t a provocation, sh e won handil y an d gloried i n unabashedly . Thus, th e wome n challenge d eac h othe r t o brea k ou t o f th e images that eac h ha d impose d o n herself; they forced eac h othe r t o take risks . Suc h ris k takin g coul d no t possibl y mak e fo r a smoot h relationship, an d probabl y eve n exacerbate d dee p hostilitie s an d needs tha t wer e difficul t t o confron t an d resolve . Their s wa s a n earthquake o f a n affair , an d th e aftershock s laste d muc h longe r than th e mai n upheaval . Tsvetaev a fel t the m an d denie d the m wit h a vengeance muc h stronge r tha n he r lov e had been , until the end of her lif e (sh e committe d suicid e i n 1941) , an d Parno k realize d th e creative seed s o f Tsvetaeva' s lov e onl y i n th e las t yea r an d a hal f of hers . A da y o r tw o afte r thei r first meetin g a t th e Gertsyk-Zhukov skys, Tsvetaev a mad e he r first lyrica l confessio n o f lov e t o Parno k in a contentiou s spirit , a s i f sh e wer e givin g i n b y bein g th e first t o admit sh e was in love: Are you happy?—You won't admit it!—Hardly! And it's better thus! Methinks you've kissed too many people. Hence your Melancholiness. She declared he r lov e boldl y a t th e beginnin g o f th e poem' s fourt h stanza an d i n the remaining one s enumerated th e "reasons" for he r love, ending with th e mos t shocking , an d perhap s mos t important : Because this trembling because of—is thi s really All a dream?— Because of the ironical enchantment that You aren't—a he . ("Girlfriend," #1 ) A week late r Tsvetaev a reflecte d lyricall y o n he r first experienc e of makin g lov e wit h a woman , whic h sh e calle d "th e drea m o f yesterday." I t happene d i n he r hous e o n Bori s an d Gle b Lan e an d was witnesse d b y he r "Siberia n cat. " Th e newnes s o f i t trouble d her, sh e di d no t kno w wha t t o cal l it , an d wondere d i f lov e wer e

io8 " O H

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involved. Th e heterosexua l role s sh e wa s use d t o di d no t apply , everything, sh e wrote , ha d bee n "demonicall y i n reverse. " I t ha d seemed t o he r lik e a "due l o f wills, " bu t sh e ha d n o ide a wh o ha d won. Sh e felt regretfu l an d a t the same time wanted more . And still— what happened, really? What do I so regret and want? And I don't know: did I conquer? Was I overcome? ("Girlfriend," #2 ) By th e nex t da y he r feeling s ha d mellowed . Sh e ha d "sobere d up," "calme d down, " an d foun d i t easier to breathe . From thi s sh e concluded, a t the end o f he r thir d "Girlfriend " poem : My heart has already mastered Oblivion's tender art. Some big block of feelin g Thawed today in my heart. At the beginnin g o f th e relationship Tsvetaev a perceive d Parno k as playin g col d an d har d t o get . Whe n Tsvetaev a invite d he r ove r late on e night , Parno k refused , sayin g sh e fel t to o lazy , an d i t wa s too col d t o g o out . Tsvetaev a too k playfu l lyrica l reveng e fo r thi s rebuff i n th e fourt h poe m o f "Girlfriend, " sayin g tha t i n refusin g to com e ou t an d pla y wit h her , Parno k ha d los t he r chanc e fo r "merriment" an d wa s lettin g her youth sli p by . The nex t evening , "betwee n seve n an d eight, " Tsvetaeva' s po etic speaker caugh t sigh t o f Parno k an d "anothe r woman " (proba bly Albrecht ) speedin g b y i n a sleigh , sittin g "eye-to-ey e an d fur to-fur." Sh e perceive d th e othe r woma n a s "someon e desire d an d dear, desire d mor e strongly than I, " but accepte d thi s as part o f th e natural orde r o f th e fairy-tal e drea m sh e wa s in , a s i f sh e wer e "little Kay , almos t froze n t o death " i n th e thral l o f he r "Sno w Queen" (#5) . Considering th e whirlwin d star t o f thei r lov e affair, i t is strang e that Novembe r passe d withou t leavin g a trac e i n eithe r woman' s

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poetry o r biography . Perhap s Tsvetaeva , who , afte r all , is virtuall y the onl y sourc e o f informatio n abou t th e beginnin g o f th e affair , simply exaggerate d th e intensit y o f he r ow n an d Parnok' s feelings . Perhaps bot h wome n wer e distracte d b y thei r respectiv e famil y concerns: Tsvetaev a wit h he r husband , wh o wa s als o havin g a n extramarital affai r an d sufferin g fro m tuberculosi s tha t ha d hi m i n and ou t o f th e sanatoriu m a t th e en d o f th e year ; an d Parno k with he r brother , wh o ha d returne d t o Petersbur g fro m Palestin e in November . Parnakh ha d becom e disenchante d wit h Palestine , where , h e later wrote , h e "suffere d fro m th e justifiabl e hatre d o f th e loca l Jews fo r thei r stepmothe r Russia. " Hi s inabilit y t o becom e par t o f the Jewish communit y i n Palestin e onl y increase d hi s antipath y fo r the assimilate d Russia n Jew s o f Petersburg : " I wa s greatl y dis turbed b y th e indifferenc e o f man y Jewis h intellectual s t o th e fat e of thei r fello w Jew s wh o ha d bee n kille d b y th e tsar' s arm y an d new inquisition. I found th e loyal-subject aspiration s o f these privileged people o f th e capita l especiall y vile." 36 Although Parno k wa s a pacifis t an d agains t th e war , sh e defi nitely share d th e patrioti c attitude s o f th e Petersbur g Jewish intel lectuals who m he r brothe r despised . In addition , b y th e tim e h e returned t o Russia , sh e ha d move d spirituall y close r t o Russia n Orthodoxy. Brothe r an d sister , s o simila r i n man y ways , seeme d headed o n a political an d religiou s collisio n course . After a six-wee k silence , Tsvetaeva' s poe m o f Decembe r 5 t o Parnok mad e i t clear tha t th e affai r wa s escalating . The poem ran g with Tsvetaeva' s boyis h swagge r an d suggested , i n it s final stanza , that she , a s a "thoroughbred " racer , ha d decide d t o ente r th e rac e for he r mar e wit h th e sparklin g pupil s (Parnok) , tha t is , wi n he r away fro m he r "fellow-travelers " (othe r wome n friends) , wh o were, by implication, no t thoroughbreds : How your pupils sparkle brightly From beneath your heavy mane!

n o "OH 110

, STEA L M E AWA Y FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . "

Are your fellow-travelers jealous ? Thoroughbreds can really race! ("Girlfriend," #6 ) As sh e pu t i t i n a late r poem , Tsvetaev a ha d perceive d tha t Parnok's hear t "ha d t o b e take n b y storm " (#9) , an d he r decisio n to d o s o change d th e cours e o f th e relationship . I n mid-Decembe r Parnok quarrelle d wit h Albrech t an d move d ou t o f he r Myas nitskaya apartment , takin g he r pe t monke y wit h her , an d rent ing a roo m nea r th e Arbat . Shortl y afterwards , Tsvetaev a wen t away wit h Parno k fo r a fe w day s an d woul d no t tel l an y o f he r friends o r intimate s wher e sh e wa s going . Thi s cause d the m grea t concern, especiall y Yelen a (Pra ) Voloshina , th e mothe r o f th e poe t Voloshin. Voloshina ha d know n Tsvetaev a fo r year s an d nurture d mater nally protective , jealou s feeling s fo r her . Accordin g t o Eugeni a Gertsyk, Pr a "spok e i n a bass voice and dresse d lik e a man." 3 7 Sh e was the n livin g i n Moscow , no t fa r fro m th e Gertsyks , an d actin g as the hea d o f a n apartment-commun e o f fre e spirits , young artist s and writers . Lik e mos t o f Tsvetaeva' s friends , Pr a wa s hostil e t o Parnok, an d possibl y jealou s o f her . She believed , o r wante d t o believe , that Tsvetaev a ha d bee n th e helpless victi m o f a n evi l spell . A t th e en d o f Decembe r sh e wrot e to he r frien d Yuli a Obolenskaya , a sculptor : As regards Marin a thing s ar e rather frightening : he r affai r ha s become deadl y serious . Sh e went of f wit h Sony a fo r a fe w day s an d made a bi g secret o f it . . . . All of thi s upset s an d disturb s m e and Liza [Efron ] ver y much , bu t w e don' t hav e th e powe r t o brea k this spell.38 Tsvetaeva an d Parno k ha d gon e t o th e medieva l cit y o f Rostov the-Great. Afte r thei r retur n t o Moscow , Tsvetaev a wrot e a n en raptured descriptio n o f on e fantasti c da y the y spen t there. 39 Wit h snowflakes sparklin g o n thei r fu r coats , the y bega n th e da y b y roaming throug h th e loca l Christma s fair , wher e the y shoppe d fo r the brightes t ribbon s the y coul d find. Tsvetaev a gorge d hersel f o n

" O H , STEA L M E AWA Y FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . " i

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unsweetened waffle s an d welle d wit h tendernes s ever y tim e sh e saw a chestnut-colore d mare . Reddish-coate d salesme n plie d the m with worthles s wares , cursin g the m fo r no t buyin g anything , an d "the peasant wome n gape d an d marvele d a t such strang e and fanc y Moscow gals. " When th e fai r crow d bega n t o disperse , the girlfriend s foun d a n old churc h an d wen t inside . Parnok' s eye s wer e simpl y rivete d b y an ornatel y frame d ico n o f th e Mothe r o f God . Gasping , "Oh , I want her! " sh e le t g o o f Tsvetaeva' s han d an d wen t u p t o it . Tsvetaeva watche d a s he r lover' s "cultivated , opal-ringe d hand, " the hand tha t hel d he r "whol e misfortune, " li t a candle an d place d it i n fron t o f th e Hol y Mother' s image . I n a typica l outburs t o f recklessness, sh e promise d Parno k tha t sh e "woul d stea l th e icon " for he r "tha t ver y night. " At sunset , i n blissfu l hig h spirits , feelin g lik e "nameda y girls, " the girlfriend s stompe d throug h th e door s o f th e monastery-hoste l where the y wer e staying . The y finishe d th e da y i n thei r roo m a t one o f thei r favorit e pastimes—playin g card s an d tellin g fortunes . And whe n th e kin g o f heart s showe d u p i n Tsvetaeva's card s thre e times i n a row, Parno k "becam e furious. " The gam e excite d the m both . Sony a cam e an d stoo d i n fron t o f her belove d "smal l girl" ; she took he r curly , cropped hea d betwee n her hands, and pressed i t gently, "caressin g and kissin g every curl, " as Marin a fel t th e coolnes s o f he r lover' s ename l brooc h agains t her lips. Later, Tsvetaev a recalle d "sleepil y drawin g [her ] chee k acros s [Parnok's] tende r fingers" a s Sonya whispere d endearments , gentl y "teasing [Marina ] fo r bein g a boy" an d lettin g her know sh e "like d [her] just like that. " The love affai r reache d it s peak i n the first part o f th e ne w year . Being wit h Tsvetaev a finally provoke d Parnok , whos e mus e ha d been ver y quie t fo r almos t a year , int o writin g poetr y again , an d for th e first tim e sinc e he r adolescenc e sh e bega n t o dat e he r poems exactly . Thi s marke d a creativel y health y mov e bac k i n th e

1 1 2 "OH

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direction o f historica l specificit y an d autobiographica l inspiration , which alway s ha d been , an d woul d be , th e wellsprin g o f he r bes t poems, no matte r ho w muc h sh e had regrettabl y chose n no t t o ta p into it, for lon g periods i n her poetic apprenticeship . Even i n 191 5 an d 191 6 Parno k continue d t o vacillat e betwee n the nativ e poeti c source s o f he r lif e an d bod y and'th e foreign , bookish, bu t tastefull y inoffensiv e aestheti c one s tha t constraine d her nativ e element . Tsvetaev a als o fel t constraine d b y the aestheti c mores an d silen t censorshi p o f Russia n literar y cultur e tha t di d not admi t th e depictio n o f real-lif e lesbianism , a s oppose d t o lit erary lesbianism , i n seriou s poetry . He r poem s abou t thei r affai r were bolde r tha n Parnok' s i n larg e par t becaus e sh e di d no t writ e them fo r publication , whil e Parno k alway s ha d publicatio n i n view. 40 Perhaps i n compensatio n fo r submittin g t o Victoria n literar y norms, Parnok an d Tsvetaev a enjoye d flauntin g thei r affai r i n liter ary society . On e contemporar y recalle d seein g the m a t "tw o ver y strange parties " a t th e hom e o f Parnok' s friend , Yuli a Veisber g and he r husband , Andre y Nikolaevic h Rimsky-Korsakov . "A t tha t time," th e spectato r late r wrote , "Marin a Tsvetaev a wa s consid ered a lesbian, an d I saw he r ther e twic e a t thos e parties. She cam e with th e poet Sophia Parnok . They sa t with thei r arm s around eac h other an d too k turn s smokin g the same cigarette." 41 Proud o f he r poe t lover , Parno k introduce d he r t o he r othe r friends an d colleagues , including Chatskin a an d Saker . Fro m Janu ary 191 5 Northern Annals becam e th e mai n outle t fo r Tsvetaeva' s lyrics. Sinc e sh e di d no t lik e t o tak e mone y fo r he r poems , Chat skina an d Sake r paid he r with gift s an d entertainments . In th e winte r o f 191 5 Parnok' s sister , Liza , cam e t o liv e wit h her i n Moscow . The y rente d tw o room s i n a n incom e buildin g o n Khlebny Lane , jus t aroun d th e corne r fro m Tsvetaeva' s house . Tsvetaeva cam e t o visi t frequently . Sh e an d Parnok , sometime s joined b y othe r wome n poets , woul d rea d thei r poem s t o eac h

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other an d tel l fortunes . In Liza' s opinion , offere d i n he r unpub lished Reminiscences whe n sh e wa s alread y a n elderl y woman , Tsvetaeva gav e little thought t o her husband o r daughter. 42 Sometimes Tsvetaev a brough t he r daughte r alon g wit h her , a s Ariadne Efro n hersel f recalle d year s later : Mama ha d a friend , Son y a Parnok—sh e als o wrot e poetry , an d mama an d I sometime s wen t t o visi t her . Mam a woul d rea d he r poems t o Sonya , Sony a woul d rea d he r poem s t o mama , an d I would si t o n a chai r waitin g t o b e show n th e monkey . Becaus e Sonya Parno k ha d a real liv e monkey who lived in the other roo m and was kept on a chain. 43 Three o f Parnok' s poem s appeare d i n th e Januar y issu e o f Northern Annals, bu t non e o f the m ha d anythin g t o d o wit h he r new love . Th e mos t substantia l o f th e thre e wa s th e lyri c "A s i f you've resurrecte d / my ver y firs t days , spring, " a generalize d an d meditative sca n o f he r lif e i n whic h th e poeti c speake r addresse d the issu e o f he r prodigality . Despit e he r carelessness , sh e fel t tha t her "sou l ha d remaine d on e wit h God " an d believe d tha t he r poems woul d tel l Hi m that . Again , th e poe t seeme d t o b e proj ecting he r tragicall y unresolve d relationshi p wit h he r fathe r int o her attitud e t o God . As fo r Tsvetaeva , tha t winte r sh e wa s lyricall y immerse d i n Parnok an d wrot e thre e ecstatic poems to he r i n January alone . O n the tent h sh e evoke d th e whol e o f he r girlfrien d b y focusin g o n specific detail s o f he r appearance : he r "tende r sprout " o f a neck , the "wea k an d whimsica l curve " o f he r "unpainte d lips, " "th e blindly dazzlin g ledge " of he r "Beethovenesqu e brow, " he r promi nent, moonlik e eyes , "lightl y shadowe d b y brigh t brow n rings, " her "touchingl y pure , oval face, " an d finally, he r hand , A hand that ought to hold a whip, Its opal, silver-rimmed. A hand whose wrist is swathed in silk, A violinist's hand,

114 "

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A hand that's unrepeatable, A hand that' s elegant. ("Girlfriend, " #8 ) Four day s late r Tsvetaev a wrot e he r nint h "Girlfriend " poem , in which th e expression o f he r passionate lov e reached it s peak an d revealed he r greates t nee d i n the relationship : Right away my heart said: "She's the one!" At random, I forgave you everything, Knowing nothing—not even your name! My only thought was, "Love me, love me!" Perhaps i n thi s winter raptur e originate d Tsvetaeva' s impossibl e if psychologicall y understandabl e desir e t o hav e a chil d wit h Parnok. Sh e rationalized i t t o hersel f a s a n expressio n o f he r "nor mal" materna l feeling , bu t i t i s no t har d t o se e he r rationaliza tion a s stimulate d b y guil t ove r th e pleasur e he r "abnormal " love wa s givin g her . He r desir e fo r a chil d als o maske d he r wil l to powe r i n a relationshi p wher e sh e fel t increasingl y power less. Almost twent y year s later , whe n Tsvetaev a wa s livin g i n emi gration o n th e outskirt s o f Paris , sh e wrot e a n antilesbia n trac t i n French, "Lettr e a PAmazone. " I t ha d tw o addressee s an d consti tuted a double-pronge d reveng e upo n tw o wome n who m sh e be lieved ha d spurne d her—no t give n he r wha t sh e wanted—i n ut terly differen t ways : Natali e Cliffor d Barney , th e Amazo n o f th e title an d th e externa l addressee , whose Pari s literar y salo n ha d no t recognized o r welcome d Tsvetaeva ; an d Parnok , he r Amazo n o f bygone days, the unnamed interna l addressee , news of whose deat h (in 1933 ) apparentl y evoke d bitte r memorie s o f wha t Tsvetaev a always felt , afte r thei r affai r ha d ended , wa s Parnok' s unfai r rejec tion o f her. 44 Again playin g o n th e Baudelairea n traditio n o f les femmes damnees, Tsvetaev a argue d i n "Lettre " tha t lesbia n relationship s ha d one majo r shortcoming , whic h "cursed " an d invalidate d them —

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they coul d no t produc e a Chil d (Tsvetaeva' s capitalization ) an d therefore coul d no t satisf y th e "normal " materna l desire s o f "th e younger" partne r i n th e relationship . He r idiosyncrati c projectio n of a "typical " lesbia n coupl e i n fac t belie d an y standar d o f typi cality an d reveale d tha t he r genera l cas e wa s base d largel y o n he r own personal one . Tsvetaeva ha d severa l othe r affair s wit h wome n afte r sh e an d Parnok brok e up , bu t sinc e th e descriptio n i n "Lettre " o f a typica l lesbian coupl e echoe d numerou s moment s an d phrase s fro m he r "Girlfriend" poems , on e conclude s tha t i t wa s modelle d primaril y on th e author' s experienc e wit h Parnok . Thus , Tsvetaeva' s exam ple i n "Lettre " o f a conversatio n betwee n lesbia n lover s o n th e child issu e resonate d wit h th e fantas y sh e mus t hav e starte d ver balizing to Parno k i n 1915 : At the outset it sounds like a joke. "What a nice child!" "Wouldn't you like one like that?" "Yes. No. By you—yes." But. . . it's all in fun, in jest. The next time it's already a sigh. "How much I would like to . .. " "Yes, what?" "Oh, nothing." "No, no, I know . . . " "Well, if you already know. But only—by you. " Silence. "Are you still thinking about that?" "If you say so." "But you're the one who keeps saying . . . " 4 5 More importan t tha n whethe r suc h conversation s eve r too k place betwee n Tsvetaev a an d Parno k i s th e inne r trut h o f ho w much Tsvetaeva' s fantas y mus t hav e hur t an d horrifie d he r lover , especially i n vie w o f Parnok' s despai r ove r no t havin g bee n abl e t o have childre n herself . Tsvetaev a indirectl y acknowledge s Parnok' s

I l 6 "OH

, STEA L M E AWAY FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . "

pain whe n sh e goes on t o describ e the "older " lover' s fea r o f losin g the "younger's " lov e an d he r jealous y o f an y me n wh o cros s th e "younger's" path. 46 As earl y a s th e sprin g o f 1915 , Parno k apparentl y bega n t o accuse Tsvetaev a o f wantin g t o leav e her , an d o f inevitabl y doin g so becaus e sh e (Parnok ) coul d no t giv e he r wha t sh e wanted . Her jealous y cam e t o focus , a s migh t b e expected , o n Tsvetaeva' s husband, an d i t revealed he r vulnerability, whic h i n turn fe d Tsvet aeva's unbridle d wil l t o power. He r impossibl e desir e soon becam e an obsession . While Tsvetaeva's represse d "feminine " sel f desired a child fro m Parnok, he r "masculine " sel f fel t challenge d t o th e rol e o f Pygmal ion-like reveale r o f he r Galatea' s hidde n genius . Her e he r wil l t o create he r woman-love r (s o reminiscent o f Virgini a Woolf' s desir e to inven t he r lover , Vit a Sackville-West , i n Orlando) cam e u p against Parnok' s equall y stron g wil l t o creat e herself. 47 Althoug h she ha d stil l achieve d onl y modes t result s i n th e realizatio n o f he r poetic potential , Parno k di d no t wan t t o han d ove r th e Pygmalio n role t o he r youn g poet-lover . Sh e neve r ha d bee n abl e t o bea r th e thought, afte r all , tha t anyon e woul d dar e t o presum e h e ha d "discovered" her . Th e las t stanz a o f th e nint h "Girlfriend " poem , in whic h Tsvetaev a climaxe d he r raptur e ove r he r girlfrien d b y asserting hersel f a s th e discovere r o f thi s "fai r stranger " fo r Rus sian poetr y (th e "us") , mus t hav e evoke d ambivalen t feeling s i n Parnok: Parrying all smiles with my poems! I reveal to you and the world-at-large Everything in you that lies in store for us, Fair stranger with the brow of Beethoven! 48 By th e en d o f Januar y Tsvetaeva' s worrie d friend s an d famil y had give n u p hop e o f savin g he r fro m he r passion . "Marina' s lov e affair," Voloshin a wrot e t o Obolenskaya , "i s developin g apace , and wit h suc h uncontrollabl e forc e tha t nothin g ca n sto p it . She'l l

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just hav e t o bur n hersel f u p i n it s blaze , an d Alla h know s ho w i t will all end." 4 9 On January 2 8 Tsvetaeva seeme d t o secon d Voloshina' s opinio n in he r lyrica l reminiscenc e o f he r first meetin g wit h Parno k (i n th e tenth poem o f "Girlfriend") . Th e remaining five poems in the cycle, however, expresse d a greater o r lesse r degre e of hostilit y t o Parno k because o f he r "thrice-curse d Passion, " an d the y showe d tha t b y spring, Tsvetaev a wa s beginnin g t o recove r fro m he r burn s and , consequently, feelin g pain. 50 For Tsvetaeva , wh o distruste d an d devalue d physica l love , th e most positive, and eternall y beautiful , aspec t of her love for Parno k was it s maternal-filia l eros . Som e o f Parnok' s previou s lover s ha d also stimulate d he r materna l emotion s an d other s woul d i n th e future, bu t Tsvetaeva wa s special in that sh e apparently le d Parno k to confron t long-burie d feeling s abou t th e los s of he r ow n mother . Perhaps sh e sense d a bon d o f orphanhoo d or , rather , mother lessness, wit h Tsvetaeva , wh o ha d los t he r mothe r relativel y earl y in her life , too, and , mor e important , a t th e critica l momen t o f pu berty. In th e poe m "Th e Letter, " whic h appeare d i n th e Februar y 1915 issu e o f Russian Thought, Parno k expresse d som e o f th e complicated feeling s sh e ha d abou t he r mother . Thei r brief , emo tionally unsatisfyin g relationshi p ha d lef t he r wit h th e sens e tha t her mothe r wa s a woma n sh e ha d no t known ; ye t sh e ha d bee n a mother fo r man y o f th e wome n sh e ha d known , includin g he r current lover. Parno k wa s inspired t o write about he r mother whe n she apparentl y cam e acros s a n ol d lette r tha t Alexandr a Parnok h had writte n t o he r siste r (Parnok' s aunt ) afte r a visit t o th e latter' s house: You wrote your sister, "What a pity! I forgot my sleeveless cloak." Your fine script helps me track the feature s of a soul I did not know. You were incapable of trusting:

I l 8 "OH

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your o's and a's are tightly spaced. I try in my imagination to sketch the outlines of your face. You were quiet, uningenious, like your lines, formed modestly . And everything my heart cherishes you would malign as vanity. I cling, though, to the tempting dream that all the same, you would have loved me: the flourish endin g your delicate, small "I" is just so lovely. (#16) Memory, a frequent moti f i n Parnok's work, als o figured promi nently i n th e first lov e lyri c sh e wrot e t o Tsvetaeva , probabl y i n February 191 5 (sh e wa s late r unsur e o f th e date) , afte r Tsvetaev a had alread y writte n te n poem s t o her . Th e lyri c wa s inspire d b y Sappho's fragment , "Lik e a small gir l you appeare d i n my presenc e ungracefully," an d wa s Parnok' s first Sapphi c poem. 51 A s suc h i t heralded a ne w stag e i n he r creativ e evolutio n an d signale d a ne w strategy sh e woul d emplo y i n writin g he r lesbia n experienc e int o Russian poetry . Parnok's discover y o f Sapph o coincide d wit h th e beginnin g o f her affai r wit h Tsvetaeva , s o it i s not strang e tha t he r first Sapphi c imitations expresse d aspect s o f tha t lov e relationship . Ha d sh e possessed a bette r sens e o f timin g an d literar y faddishness , sh e would hav e publishe d he r collectio n o f Sapphi c poems , Roses of Pieria, whic h cam e ou t onl y i n 1922 , before th e 191 7 Revolution . During th e wa r year s ther e wa s a minor rag e fo r Sapph o i n Russi a that followe d th e appearance , i n 191 4 an d 1915 , o f tw o poeti c translations o f th e Lesbia n poet' s "complete " fragment s an d poems. The poe m "Lik e a smal l girl " (#59 ) ha d tw o addressees , Sap pho an d Tsvetaeva , an d deal t wit h thre e interlockin g lov e affairs : Sappho an d Atthi s (th e "smal l girl " addresse d i n Sappho' s line) ; Sappho an d Parnok' s poeti c speake r (wh o ha s bee n "pierced " b y Sappho's one-lin e fragmen t an d mad e t o desir e Sapph o throug h

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emulation); Parno k an d Tsvetaev a (Parnok' s "smal l girl " an d lover). 52 In Sappho' s possession , th e poeti c speake r fall s t o musin g o n her sleepin g lover a s she cradles her i n her arms : "Like a small girl you appeared in my presence ungracefully" — Ah, Sappho's single-line shaft pierced to my very core! During the night I leaned over your curly head pensively; motherly tenderness stilled passion's mad rush in my heart— "Like a small girl you appeared in my presence ungracefully. " Sappho's ancien t lin e become s a lyrica l refrai n tha t cradle s th e poetic speaker' s memor y o f differen t moment s fro m he r an d he r lover's affair : " I recollecte d you r dodgin g my kis s wit h som e sub terfuge," " I recollecte d you r eyes , pupils incredibl y wide " ( a refer ence, perhaps , t o th e Octobe r 2 2 rendezvou s whe n Tsvetaev a ha d felt everythin g wa s "demonicall y i n reverse") . The n ther e wa s Tsvetaeva's girlis h pleasure i n her new "possession " o n th e day sh e first came to Parnok's apartment : "Int o my house you came , happy with m e as a novelty: / colorful slippers , a sash, maybe a new strin g of beads. " An d finally, Parnok' s mos t recen t memory , repeatin g countless others , o f Tsvetaeva' s ungirlis h "malleability " an d post orgasmic sleep: But, beneath the mallet of love you are gold—and s o malleable! Leaning, I cradled your face, pale in our passion's shade, where it appeared death had passed like a snowy white powder-puff. . . The poeti c speake r conclude s b y thankin g he r "smal l girl " fo r being her s an d fo r bein g i n he r life : "I' m als o gratefu l t o you , sweetness, becaus e i n thos e day s / 'Lik e a smal l gir l yo u appeare d in my presence ungracefully. ' " The rhapsodi c moo d o f thi s poe m contradicte d th e unharmoni ous realit y o f th e lovers ' ongoin g relationshi p a s Parno k expresse d it i n tw o othe r poem s sh e wrot e i n th e winte r o f 1915 : "Embroi dery ha s covere d u p m y windowpane " an d "Tha t evenin g wa s

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blazing dimly." 53 O n Februar y 5 Parnok sen t copies of both poem s to Tsvetaeva' s sister-in-law , Liz a Efron , wh o ha d aske d fo r the m after hearin g Parno k rea d them. 54 Neithe r poe m specifie d it s ad dressee, bu t bot h containe d detail s o f th e Mosco w neighborhoo d where Parno k an d Tsvetaev a live d a t th e tim e o f thei r affair : that shopsig n GEORGE S BLO K (#$6) wa s visibl e fro m Parnok' s apartment o n Khlebn y Lane , an d th e Unio n Theater , mentione d i n "That evenin g wa s blazin g dimly, " wa s (an d stil l is ) locate d a t nearby Nikitsky Gates . Both thes e poem s ar e earl y example s o f wha t woul d becom e Parnok's forte—th e treatmen t o f lesbia n lov e i n romanticall y heightened, bu t nonliterary , colloquia l language . The y constitute d a stylisti c an d themati c contras t t o th e stylize d and , unfortunately , anachronistic Sapphi c treatmen t o f th e sam e them e i n "Lik e a small girl." "Embroidery ha s covere d up " expresse d wha t ca n easil y b e imagined a s on e o f Parnok' s morbi d mood s afte r sh e an d Tsvet aeva ha d quarrele d an d broke n u p fo r th e umpteenth time : Embroidery has covered up my windowpane. Oh day of parting! I press my anguish-ridden hands against the glass's unsmooth surface . My devastated eyes look out upon the frost, firs t gift of winter, the way the icy moire melts down and then dissolves away in teardrops. The fence is buried in a drift, the rime is fluffier,more like terry, the garden under silver fring e and tassels—like a brocade coffin . . . No walkers and no cars are out, my telephone is cruelly silent. With letters on the sign GEORGES BLOK I play at guessing odds or evens. (#56) In "Tha t evenin g wa s blazin g dimly, " urba n natur e als o seem s to expres s th e emotiona l situatio n o f th e lover s wh o hav e ha d a

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spat afte r makin g love . Th e alienatin g effect s han g ove r the m a t the movies afterward, wher e they g o at the addressee's wish. 55 The poe m narrate s ho w the y entere d th e theate r an d sa t dow n in silence . The speake r wa s immerse d i n amorou s memorie s o f th e network o f vein s o n he r lover' s hand s tha t stil l fel t "wea k fro m happiness," bu t wer e "purposefull y covere d i n gloves " tha t mad e it impossible fo r th e speake r t o touc h them . Throughout th e movi e the speake r wa s mor e awar e o f th e movement s o f he r love r besid e her tha n th e movin g image s o n th e screen—ho w sh e (th e ad dressee) woul d mov e tormentingl y close r an d the n awa y again , a s if rememberin g tha t the y wer e fighting. Th e speake r wante d t o make up bu t fel t sh e couldn't find the right words. "In the darknes s your distant , brow n eye s . . . ," sh e started t o whisper, bu t wa s cu t off b y th e soun d o f walt z music . Scene s o f Switzerlan d flashed o n the screen—a touris t i n the mountains, a goat. The speaker smiled , but gettin g n o respons e fro m he r lover , sh e resigne d hersel f t o another stalemat e an d caresse d he r sleev e softl y an d surrepti tiously. The da y befor e Parno k sen t thes e tw o poem s t o Liz a Efron , sh e received a n unexpecte d visi t fro m Voloshina , whos e worr y abou t Marina ha d finally force d he r t o approac h directl y th e woma n who, i n he r eyes , wa s responsibl e fo r he r an d Marina' s distress . She came awa y fro m th e meeting feeling somewha t differentl y tha n when sh e arrived , a s sh e reporte d t o Obolenskay a th e nex t da y i n a letter : Yesterday I was a t Sonya' s an d sh e an d I had a lon g tal k lastin g hours, an d ther e wer e man y gap s i n wha t sh e sai d tha t grate d upon me , and there were moments i n the conversation whe n I was ashamed o f mysel f fo r wha t I had sai d abou t he r t o othe r people , when I had condemne d he r o r coldl y pronounce d irreversibl e sen tences on her that were worthy of an executioner. 56 Two day s late r Parno k wrot e a shor t lyri c tha t foresa w "un avoidable destruction " fo r th e poeti c speake r i n th e storm y cours e her hear t ha d set :

1 2 2 "OH

, STEA L M E AWAY FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . "

Again we have the signal to depart! On a wild midnight we left our moorings. My heart—a captai n who's gone mad— sets sail for unavoidable destruction . Whirlwinds have set the moon-ball dancing and stirred up heavy breakers all around . . . —Pray for us, the unrepentant, oh poet, companion of all seekers! (#60) Parnok ha d onc e describe d hersel f t o Gurevic h a s a "seeker " wh o had "waste d a lo t o f tim e an d energ y o n searchings " fo r th e righ t person t o satisf y he r nee d fo r a committe d relationship. 57 I t seem s she realize d b y earl y Februar y 191 5 tha t Tsvetaev a woul d no t b e that person either . By th e en d o f th e mont h Tsvetaev a wa s als o beginnin g t o ex press ambivalenc e abou t th e relationship . He r elevent h "Girl friend" poe m fairl y bristle d wit h spoiled-chil d hostility . I f Parno k suffered becaus e o f Tsvetaeva' s devotio n t o he r husband , he r ob session with a Child Parno k coul d no t giv e her, and he r willingnes s to flir t wit h men , Tsvetaev a wa s jealou s o f Parnok' s othe r wome n friends an d eve n mor e o f he r nonmonogamou s reputation—he r "inspired seductions, " a s sh e ha d pu t i t i n th e first "Girlfriend " poem. Sh e suspected Parno k o f takin g othe r lover s while they wer e in love , althoug h ther e i s no evidenc e tha t Parno k di d s o afte r sh e left Albrecht . In he r elevent h poem , Tsvetaev a reveale d he r desir e to bes t Parnok i n the ar t o f betrayal : In the sun all eyes are searing, Tomorrow's not today, I'm speaking to you in the offing , If I should betray. At th e sam e time , sh e wante d Parno k t o kno w tha t "n o matte r whose lips " sh e "migh t b e kissin g i n th e throe s o f love, " sh e wa s totally faithfu l t o her, a s devoted a s Bettina von Arni m ha d bee n t o Karoline vo n Guenderode . In th e las t stanz a o f th e poem , sh e

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quoted Bettina' s oat h o f devotio n t o he r romanti c friend : "Com e and whistl e beneat h m y window." 5 8 The stormy relationshi p continue d throug h th e spring as the tw o poets' lyrical due l als o heated up , Tsvetaeva, a s before, offerin g th e majority o f thrusts , Parno k parryin g mainl y wit h silenc e an d onc e in sonne t form . Parnok' s sexua l demand s oppresse d Tsvetaeva , and sh e wa s enrage d b y he r submissio n t o he r ow n newl y awak ened desir e fo r "burne d an d burnin g fatefu l mouths, " a s she put i t in a poem sh e wrote o n Marc h 14. 59 According t o he r twelft h "Girlfriend " lyri c fro m th e en d o f April, sh e wishe d i n som e way s tha t sh e ha d neve r me t Parnok , whom sh e both resente d an d respecte d fo r he r proud aloofnes s an d sexual possessiveness. Yet , in the sam e poem, sh e insisted tha t eve n "on th e ev e o f breakin g up"—sh e als o foresa w th e en d o f th e relationship almos t fro m th e beginning—sh e woul d b e abl e t o repeat tha t sh e ha d love d Parnok' s haught y gaze , "whic h didn' t give anyone th e time of day, " an d he r "powerfu l hands. " It wa s a t thi s tim e i n he r lov e affai r tha t Tsvetaev a develope d the imag e o f hersel f a s a "Sparta n child"—robust , resilient , un pampered—completely i n th e powe r o f a n older , fatefu l woma n "with a nam e lik e a suffocatin g flower " an d a n Amazo n "helme t of re d hair" ("Girlfriend, " #13) . Tired o f hearing Parnok's accusa tions tha t sh e woul d leav e he r fo r a ma n wh o coul d giv e he r th e Child sh e wa s obsesse d with , Tsvetaev a bega n hurlin g he r ow n accusations a t Parnok . The y expresse d fea r an d th e negativ e pre diction tha t he r "tragic , Shakespearea n heroine " woul d inevitabl y move o n i n fulfillmen t o f he r restless , homeles s destin y (#14) . She trie d readin g mirror s t o lear n wha t tha t destin y hel d an d magnanimously blesse d Parno k o n he r way t o meetin g it (#14) . After on e o f thei r frequen t quarrels , sh e lashe d ou t a t Parno k and everyon e els e who wa s puttin g emotiona l demand s o n he r i n a May 6 poem tha t sh e originally intende d fo r th e "Girlfriend" cycle , but late r excluded :

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OH

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Remember: one little hair of my own head Is dearer to me than all other heads. So go away . . . You too, And you too, and you. Stop loving me, all of you stop loving me! Don't watch over me in the mornings, So that I might be free to go out And stand in the breeze.60 Tsvetaeva's strea m o f lyrica l hostilit y finall y evoke d a respons e from Parnok , i f a controlle d one , i n he r "Sonnet " writte n o n May 9 : You watched the little boys at all their games, and showed indifference t o smiling dolls. A superfluity o f energy propelled you from you r cradle straight astride a horse. Years have passed, by their ominous shadow your power-loving outbursts have not been blotted out in your heart—how little I mean to it, Bettina Arnim and Marina Mniszek! I gaze upon the ash and fire of your curls, upon your hands, more generous than a king's, the lack of colors on my palette defeats me! You, passing by to your own fate! Where does the sun rise that is your mate? Where is your Goethe, and where your False Dmitri? (#28 ) Parnok love d th e Bettin a i n Tsvetaeva , tha t is , he r genius , an d had accepte d he r superio r giftednes s wit h sufficien t equanimit y t o wish he r wel l o n he r creativ e journe y t o he r poeti c equa l (Goethe) . She felt muc h mor e bitte r abou t th e Marina Mnisze k i n Tsvetaeva . The seventeenth-centur y Polis h noblewoman , who m Tsvetaev a cel ebrated a s he r historica l alte r ego , ha d playe d a powerfu l and , from th e Russian viewpoint , perfidious rol e in Russian histor y afte r her husband , th e so-calle d Fals e Dmitri , a pretender , seize d th e Russian thron e wit h Polis h an d Jesuit backin g in 1605 . By comparing he r Marin a t o Marin a Mniszek , Parno k bot h identifie d th e

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addressee of he r sonnet an d implie d tha t Marina's treacher y t o her , just lik e Mniszek's betraya l o f Russia , would involv e her loyalt y t o her husband , who m Tsvetaev a ha d th e habi t o f addressin g i n he r poems a s bot h he r "sun " an d he r "tsar. " Fro m Parnok' s poin t o f view, i t wa s he r marrie d lover , no t herself , wh o behave d nonmo nogamously an d treacherousl y throughou t thei r relationship , i n being unable t o choos e between he r tw o loves . Despite al l th e contraindication s t o domesti c harmony , th e lovers decided t o spend th e greater part o f the summer a t Koktebel , where Voloshi n an d hi s mother, Pra , had a famous summe r colon y for artists , poets, an d intellectuals . Tsvetaev a ha d bee n summerin g in Koktebe l of f an d o n sinc e sh e wa s a teenager . I t wa s ther e tha t she ha d me t Serge y an d decide d t o marr y hi m virtuall y a t first sight. Parno k ha d neve r bee n t o Koktebel , an d considerin g Pra' s less than war m feeling s fo r her , sh e coul d no t hav e helpe d sensin g that thi s wa s no t th e mos t auspiciou s tim e fo r a first visi t an d tha t she wa s someho w penetratin g enem y territory . No t t o b e hope lessly outnumbered , sh e brough t he r sister , Liza , alon g wit h her . Tsvetaeva ha d a mor e impressiv e retinu e comprise d o f he r daugh ter, Alya , an d Alya' s nurse , he r siste r Anastasi a (Asya ) an d he r little son, an d hi s nurse . Because o f th e war , Koktebe l ha d fewe r summe r resident s tha n usual i n 1915 . "Peopl e ar e afrai d o f th e Turkis h women, " Volos hina reporte d i n a lette r t o Tsvetaeva' s othe r sister-in-law , Ver a Efron, addin g that sh e had "reserve d fou r room s fo r Marina , Asya , Sonya, an d Liza." 61 Th e fou r wome n lef t Mosco w b y trai n o n May 2 0 and arrive d i n Koktebel si x days later . On th e surfac e Parno k an d Tsvetaeva' s two-mont h sta y i n Kok tebel wa s a mode l o f peacefu l domesticit y wit h Tsvetaev a playin g the rol e o f "wife " an d includin g Parno k i n he r family . Th e lover s evidently share d on e o f th e fou r room s reserve d fo r Tsvetaeva' s party, an d som e miraculousl y preserve d domesti c detritu s (includ ing a laundr y lis t o n whic h Tsvetaev a recorde d he r an d Parnok' s

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blouses befor e sendin g the m t o b e cleaned ) provide s concret e evi dence of Tsvetaeva's putativ e wifely concer n fo r he r lover. 62 Little Aly a ma y hav e resented , however , tha t sh e didn' t se e much o f he r mother , because , a s sh e tol d he r i n on e o f thei r fe w private exchanges , " I wa s wit h nurse , an d yo u wer e wit h Sophi a Yakovlevna." 63 An d a t th e othe r chronologica l en d o f th e Kok tebel "family, " Voloshin a ha d reservation s abou t th e summer . He r problems bega n afte r a married coupl e arrived, with whom thre e of "the poetesses " did no t wan t t o socialize . She wrote t o Liz a Efron : They [th e poetesses ] becam e depresse d an d starte d discussin g . . . whether they should join the whole company for meal s or eat separately. The y chos e th e latte r course , an d onl y Asy a ha s joine d us . The other s hav e contac t onl y wit h me , an d infrequen t contac t a t that. I regret their absence, but can't do anything about it. Yesterday one more poet joined us , Osip Mandelshtam. We're in high spirits, a lot of conversations, laughter, declamations. 64 Mandelshtam soo n adde d a ne w complexit y t o th e emotion s seething beneat h th e jollity a t Koktebe l whe n h e developed a crus h on Tsvetaeva . H e bega n openl y demonstratin g hi s jealous y o f Par nok b y dismissin g he r poetr y an d ravin g abou t Tsvetaeva's . Then , one evening , th e assemble d compan y "playe d a jok e o n him, " a s Liza Parnok h Tarakhovskay a recalled . "W e rea d som e o f m y sis ter's poems an d tol d hi m the y were Tsvetaeva's. He bega n praisin g them t o th e skies . Whe n h e foun d ou t h e ha d bee n praisin g my sister's poems , h e wa s angr y a t al l o f u s fo r a lon g time." 6 5 Thi s may hav e bee n on e o f th e behavior s tha t convince d Parno k tha t Mandelshtam wa s "simpl y stupid." 66 O n th e othe r hand , sh e wa s not indifferen t t o hi s ope n flirtatio n wit h Tsvetaev a howeve r fool ish i t made hi m look . Mandelshtam's brother , Alexander , wa s als o a t Koktebel , an d as th e summe r wor e on , th e sister s o f Tsvetaev a an d Parno k spen t more an d mor e o f thei r tim e wit h th e Mandelshta m pair . Bot h brothers wer e sickly , especiall y Osip , wh o wa s o n a specia l die t

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that interfere d wit h hi s alway s joinin g th e other s fo r dinne r an d drinking parties . Asy a Tsvetaev a willingl y fel l int o th e rol e o f Mandelshtam's sister-nanny , "whil e Sony a Parnok' s siste r Liza, " she recalled , "bega n nursemaidin g Alexander . Liz a an d I woul d share man y amicabl y ironi c laugh s abou t ou r role s an d woul d giv e each othe r friendl y support." 6 7 Pra continue d t o dislik e Parno k whil e simultaneousl y devel oping a fondness fo r Liza : "Sony a i s completely alie n t o me , I have no relation s wit h her ; Liz a an d I are o n friendl y terms, " sh e wrot e to Liza Efron i n June. In mid-July she reiterated, " I have no interes t in Sony a an d complet e indifferenc e t o her . Liz a i s simple, nice, an d I like her." 6 8 While Parno k wa s i n Koktebel , sh e wrote onl y thre e poems an d devoted he r energie s t o th e librett o fo r th e oper a sh e an d Shteinb erg wer e stil l workin g on . A t th e en d o f Jun e sh e sen t hi m th e entire first ac t an d promise d th e secon d scen e o f th e secon d ac t i n a month . Sh e suggeste d callin g th e oper a Abductress of the Heart, noting, "I t ha s a genuinel y orienta l rin g t o i t an d come s fro m on e of th e storie s i n 1001 Nights. I n orde r t o spee d u p ou r wor k w e must communicat e wit h eac h othe r mor e frequentl y an d mor e intensively. I intend t o b e i n Petersbur g i n th e fal l an d liste n t o th e music you hav e compose d s o far." 69 That summe r brough t anothe r turnin g poin t i n th e lif e o f Par nok's brother . H e lef t Russi a an d eventuall y settle d i n Paris, not t o return t o hi s "stepmotherland " unti l sh e wa s muc h changed , i n 1922. Once again his Russophobia ha d compelle d hi m to emigrate : When th e Germa n arm y penetrate d th e border s o f th e Russia n Empire, even the Petersburg Jews began to be threatened with exile from th e capital . Rumo r o f thi s ne w abominatio n swep t the entir e country thre e times. It seemed time had gone backwards. The specter o f th e inquisition aros e befor e eve n th e mos t sober , imperturb able people. "Thi s wil l en d i n anothe r Spain, " the y said . The year 1492, when the Jews were driven out of Spain, seemed to have been resurrected in 1915 in Petersburg. 70

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By th e tim e Valenti n lef t Russia , h e an d hi s siste r ha d becom e totally estranged . Th e exac t reason s fo r an d circumstance s sur rounding thei r falling-ou t remai n mysterious , however . When Valy a ha d returne d t o Petersbur g i n Novembe r 1914 , h e was muc h changed—s o much , tha t upo n seein g hi m again , hi s older sister , wh o resemble d hi m physically , coul d onl y marve l a t how strang e his familiar feature s seeme d to her. The change Valentin mus t hav e foun d i n Sony a wa s eve n mor e profound , an d wen t to th e ver y cor e o f he r being . Sh e wa s seriousl y considerin g con verting, o r perhap s ha d alread y converted , t o Russia n Ortho doxy—the religio n o f th e enemy , fro m Valya' s poin t o f view. 71 Valentin ma y hav e questione d th e reasons , an d eve n th e sincerity , of Sonya' s ne w faith . Hi s refusa l t o understan d he r spiritua l need s naturally stun g an d offende d her , an d sh e ma y hav e expresse d he r hurt an d ange r i n this undated lyri c published i n Poems (1916) : What do I care for the scorn on those cruel lips! Tell me, valuer, on what scales have you weighed everything I live by and in which I unhesitatingly believe? With what measure have you measured a living soul? Were you here when my soul was conducting her affair s in silence? (#46) 72 There wa s gossi p fro m a source clos e to Parno k tha t i n additio n to thei r religiou s an d politica l differences , th e poet an d he r brothe r had becom e intereste d i n th e sam e woman , an d thei r romanti c rivalry ove r her ha d le d to their estrangement . Anothe r o f Parnok' s undated lyrics , which wa s first publishe d i n the November-Decem ber 191 5 issu e o f Northern Annals, coul d b e rea d a s lyrica l evi dence i n suppor t o f thi s gossip , providin g on e understand s th e "brother" addresse e mentione d i n th e las t lin e t o b e Parnok' s biological (rathe r tha n metaphoric ) brother . In th e poe m th e femal e speake r acknowledge s tha t sh e an d he r "brother" (romanti c rival ) wer e to o simila r i n thei r differenc e no t to avoi d clashin g "o n th e sam e path. " A s i s typica l fo r internall y mediated triangles , thei r mutua l hatre d prove d stronge r tha n th e

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love eithe r felt , an d the y discovere d tha t the y wer e Dostoevskia n doubles, complementary opposites : Isn't the reason why our hatred was more mutual and more passionate than love, and juster than love by far, that we discovered our doubles in each other? Tell me, in chastising you, my brother, am I not chastised myself? (#45) 73 After thei r rift , wheneve r i t happened , Valenti n an d Sony a wer e out o f contac t fo r severa l years. On Jul y 2 2 Parno k an d Tsvetaev a lef t Koktebe l an d wen t t o spend th e las t thre e week s o f thei r summe r a t friend s o f Parnok' s in Svyatye gory, Kharko v province , Ukraine. From ther e Tsvetaev a wrote he r sister-in-la w a fran k an d movin g lette r abou t th e impos sible emotiona l situatio n sh e foun d hersel f in . He r surroundings , with thei r "pines , sand , heather , coolnes s an d sadness " reminde d her o f Finland . Thing s wer e particularly depressin g i n th e evening s when the y sa t alon e b y a kerosen e lam p hearin g th e pine s rustl e and ponderin g th e ba d new s abou t th e wa r tha t fille d th e newspa pers. Marin a ha d bee n completel y ou t o f touc h wit h he r husban d for ove r a week—h e wa s servin g a s a mal e nurs e a t th e front — and fel t hopeles s abou t gettin g an y repl y t o he r letters . At th e en d of th e letter sh e summed u p her quandary : I love Seryozha fo r m y whole life, he is my own, I shall never leave him. I write him every day, or every other day, he knows my whole life, only I try to write him as little as possible about what's saddest. I feel a constant weight on my heart. I go to sleep and wake up with it there . Sony a love s m e ver y muc h an d I lov e her—an d that' s eternal, and I won't b e able to leave her. I feel tor n apar t fro m th e days I mus t divid e [betwee n tw o loves] , m y hear t continue s t o combine jobs and hold two offices. I t seems I will never have simple happiness an d i n general , it' s no t i n m y natur e t o hav e it . An d complete joy has also eluded me. I can't hurt other people and can't help hurting them. 74 Parnok expresse d th e pai n sh e wa s sufferin g fro m th e relation ship indirectl y i n three lyrics she wrote i n Svyatye gory. O n July 3 1

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she vente d he r nee d t o rebe l agains t th e domesticit y tha t ha d engulfed he r i n he r las t tw o relationship s an d ha d faile d t o mak e her fee l happ y o r care d for : All ablaze, the clouds fly by, the sky city lies in ruins. My step is obstinate and light, the wind has spread a willful windlass. Who blessed me as I headed off ? Who murmured, "Have a happy journey"? Let the winds not cease to blow, to urge me from m y threshold. To the devil for his use I throw the past—my fatefu l burden . Up above my homeless head blaze on, nomadic heaven! (#13) Tsvetaeva ha d onc e tease d Parno k tha t he r yout h wa s passin g her by . Now , o n th e da y afte r he r thirtiet h birthday , seein g tha t her yout h (Tsvetaeva ) woul d neve r b e wholly hers , Parnok seeme d to have embraced agai n th e only thing that sh e always knew woul d be he r own , he r nomadi c persona . Tsvetaev a hersel f perceive d Parnok t o b e a wanderess , thoug h sh e gav e th e wor d a mor e specifically amorou s an d henc e pejorativ e valu e tha n Parnok , an d had aske d her , i n th e las t poe m o f "Girlfriend, " wh o he r nex t destination woul d be : "You r thir d woma n wa s / dea r t o yo u in anothe r wa y . . . / / Wha t wil l remai n o f m e / i n you r heart , wanderess?" 75 Tsvetaeva ma y hav e worke d subconsciousl y t o encourag e Par nok's wanderlust , seein g i n i t a natura l wa y ou t o f he r ow n di lemma, a wa y o f passivel y forcin g Parno k t o brea k th e bond s o f love that sh e felt sh e would no t b e able to break. After all , from th e very beginning , sh e ha d perceive d he r gynekouros a s "somethin g stronger tha n [she]. " Certainly , th e prolonge d demis e o f th e lov e affair suggest s tha t th e lover s wer e vyin g wit h eac h othe r t o se e who coul d hol d o n t o th e relationship th e longest . On Augus t 1 Parno k continue d th e lyrica l expressio n o f he r

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fantasy plan s t o hi t th e road , almos t echoin g th e questio n Tsvet aeva had aske d he r i n June a s to who he r nex t lover would be : The cranes have flown southward. I'm leaving too for faraway . Where shall I meet her, a girlfriend , a mistress who will be my fate? 76 At th e en d o f th e poem , th e speake r asserte d tha t sh e wa s seeking "not Manon , no t Cleopatr a / not Carmen , an d not Isolde! " Parnok ha d evidentl y ha d he r fil l o f fatal , operati c heroines , bu t whom wa s sh e seeking ? I f sh e reall y di d stil l lov e Tsvetaev a "ver y much," a s Tsvetaev a thought , the n thi s poe m coul d b e rea d a s a tacit acknowledgmen t o f lovin g he r to o muc h t o tolerat e onl y hal f of Tsvetaeva' s lov e i n return . Thus , th e poe m pinpointe d th e mo ment in Parnok's turmoi l ove r Tsvetaeva whe n sh e realized sh e ha d to mov e o n an d tak e u p th e searc h agai n fo r th e woma n wh o would comman d he r whol e fate , no t th e on e wh o wa s passin g o n (or returning) t o someon e else . Four day s late r Parno k wrot e he r secon d poe m specificall y addressed t o Marina . I t ha d th e rin g o f a n epitap h befor e th e fac t and wa s stimulated , ironically , b y th e poet' s contemplatio n o f a n icon o f th e Holy Mothe r i n a local church : Blindly staring eyes of the Holy Mother and Savior Child. Smell of incense, wax, and oil. Sounds of soft weeping fillingthe church. Melting tapers held by young, meek women in fists stiff wit h cold and roughskinned. Oh, steal me away from m y death, you, whose arms are tanned and fresh , you, who passed by, exciting me! Isn't there in your desperate name a wind from al l storm-tossed coasts, Marina, named after th e sea! (#9) Parnok acknowledge d tha t Tsvetaev a ha d i n essenc e alread y passed ou t o f he r life , an d th e excitemen t sh e ha d aroused , an d

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continued t o arouse , wa s al l tha t remaine d o f thei r relationship . But th e fallou t fro m tha t mutua l excitemen t wa s stil l a stron g bond, an d it s virilit y enable d Parno k t o as k he r "desper ate," youthfu l lover—o r th e par t o f he r tha t ha d onc e recklessl y vowed t o stea l a n ico n fo r he r lad y "tha t ver y night"—t o sav e her fro m death , jus t a s th e weepin g wome n aroun d he r i n th e church praye d t o th e Mothe r o f Go d t o protec t thei r menfol k a t the front . By a strang e coincidence , a fe w day s befor e Parno k wrot e thi s poem, Serge y Efro n arrive d unexpectedl y (an d safely ) i n Koktebel . He staye d ther e unti l th e end o f th e month an d the n wen t t o spen d the winter somewher e outside of Moscow an d return t o his studies. Her anxiet y abou t he r husband' s safet y resolved , Tsvetaeva wa s able t o retur n t o Mosco w i n a calme r fram e o f mind . Sh e an d Parnok wer e bac k i n the cit y by August 1 8 and wer e "inseparable " after that . Immediatel y upo n thei r retur n the y bega n givin g privat e readings t o thei r wome n friend s o f th e poem s the y ha d writte n that summer. 77 The July-Augus t issu e o f Northern Annals containe d Parnok' s review o f a collectio n o f shor t storie s b y Alexe y Remizo v (Spring Powder) tha t sh e regarde d highl y an d tha t seeme d t o he r t o illus trate he r ow n convictio n tha t compassio n wa s a greate r emotio n than love . Remizov' s wor k ha d th e sam e effec t o n her , sh e wrote , as the "soul-searing , morbid , unbearabl e fullness " produce d b y th e sound o f th e organ . He r revie w als o expresse d he r apocalypti c belief tha t "Russi a [was ] a countr y wit h a dreadfu l fat e an d ough t to b e protected wit h a reliable veil," 78 an d reflecte d th e specificall y Christian religiosit y tha t ha d becom e muc h mor e noticeabl e i n he r lyrics an d he r thinkin g a t thi s time . Sh e als o note d Remizov' s "marvelous gif t fo r unbindin g spells" and the way he "orchestrate d his sentence s wit h th e ar t o f a genuin e musician , . . . succeeding i n conveying no t onl y hi s voice , but it s mos t subtl e intonation s too. " She obviousl y desire d th e sam e musica l refinemen t fo r he r ow n voice.

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In th e fal l an d earl y winte r o f 1915 , th e lyrica l recor d show s that Parno k an d Tsvetaeva' s lov e affai r wa s i n it s deat h agony . Their fina l breaku p wa s especiall y painfu l becaus e bot h o f the m struggled agains t th e inevitabl e end : neithe r wante d t o b e th e firs t to le t go, and, mos t painful o f all , they continue d t o love and wan t each other . At the beginning of September , however , Parno k wa s feelin g th e strains o f love : he r lip s wer e "happ y t o b e nobody's, " an d sh e delighted i n he r empt y apartmen t wher e sh e could immers e hersel f in "coldl y fier y Stendhal. " Sh e positively resente d he r lover' s visits: "Why d o yo u come , yo u whos e nam e / bring s m e th e wind s o f al l roads?" (#37) . According t o a poe m Tsvetaev a wrot e tw o day s later , "I n th e fog, blue r tha n incense, " Parnok , th e poem' s likel y addressee , wa s seeing anothe r woman . Tsvetaev a calle d her a "rival," bu t withou t particular animus. 79 Sh e apparentl y n o longe r fel t threatene d b y potential rivals , s o caugh t u p wa s she , lik e Parnok , i n "th e gyps y passion o f separation, " i n whic h bot h o f them , a s sh e wrot e i n a n October poem , emerge d tru e t o themselve s onl y whe n the y wer e being treacherous t o eac h other. 80 During thei r "gyps y passio n o f separation, " Parno k suffere d more fro m jealous y tha n Tsvetaeva . Afte r finall y meetin g (o r seeing) Tsvetaeva' s husband , sh e wrot e a viciousl y ironi c an d em bittered poe m t o hi m i n whic h sh e calle d he r seemingl y victoriou s male rival " a veritabl e Adonis." Acknowledging tha t he r addresse e (Efron) 81 ha d beste d he r i n yout h an d beauty , th e poeti c speake r resigned hersel f t o th e bitterswee t comfor t o f knowin g sh e ha d bested hi m a s a lover : As I press myself to my beloved woman's lips, I cheer myself with this sad thought: it was not you, young man, who broke the spell on her. When her next lover marvels at the fire from these lips, oh, you who had her first, not your name will he jealously recall—but mine. (#53)

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At th e en d o f Novembe r Tsvetaev a describe d on e o f he r an d Parnok's typicall y estrange d ca b ride s hom e i n th e lyri c "Ful l moon, an d bear-fu r la p robe, " whic h sh e conclude d b y saying : "I'm startin g t o dream—o f th e Lord , / I'v e stoppe d dreaming — of you." 8 2 Parnok unconfidentl y attribute d thre e poem s t o Novembe r 1915, al l o f whic h woul d appea r i n Poems, whic h sh e wa s the n preparing fo r publication . In "Fortun e telling " (#36) , dedicate d i n the autograp h t o he r frien d Konstanti n Lipskerov , th e femal e speaker read s a paranoi d an d dir e fortun e i n he r cards . B y signi fying hersel f a s the quee n o f hearts (cups ) an d notin g that th e othe r three queen s wer e conspirin g agains t her , sh e acknowledge d tha t she wa s respondin g t o th e worl d i n term s o f emotio n alon e an d psychologically excludin g th e alternativ e response s o f action , busi ness, or intellec t (th e provinces o f th e three othe r queens) : I am the queen of hearts. The others, all three, are concluding a secret alliance against me. Take a look—the ace of spades points down like a spike over the nine, the card of love, a piercing dagger raised above the heart. You see: the alien kings hold wands, only the red king bears a single sword, his eyes gaze with malice the others know not. . . Love will be a duel of two wills. Who is he, who is he, the menacing king? (#36 ) The moo d o f th e poe m an d th e predictio n i t containe d seeme d in tune with th e general musi c of Parnok' s lov e life at the time, an d it ma y hav e expresse d he r unconsciou s knowledg e tha t som e ma n threatened he r an d Tsvetaeva' s future , eithe r Efro n o r som e othe r "menacing king. " When sh e cast her card s and/o r wrot e th e poem , she ma y hav e recalle d th e blissfu l nigh t a t th e monaster y hote l i n Rostov-the-Great jus t abou t a yea r before , whe n sh e an d Marin a had rea d thei r cards , an d th e kin g o f heart s ha d turne d u p i n

Left: F I G . i . " I cheris h th e alluring drea m / that al l the same , you woul d hav e love d me. " Alexandra Parnokh , th e poet' s mother.

Right: F i G. 2 . "I was very distant fro m m y father. " Yakov Parnokh, th e poet's father .

F i G . 3 . " I learne d t o daydrea m / that a bloody deat h befit s a hero. " Sonya a s a little girl in Taganrog .

F i G. 4. "Life' s good , bu t i t is not m y lot / to gras p th e local atmosphere. " Sonya a s a gymnasium studen t i n Taganrog .

F I G . 5 . "W e shoul d neve r hav e ruine d ou r relation ship b y getting married. " Parnok (center) wit h he r futur e husband , Volkenshtei n (standing), Volkenshtein' s brothe r (on left), an d a n un identified woma n (on right), circ a 1905 .

F I G . 6. Left to right: Gnesin , Volkenshtein , Chapygin ( a writer an d frien d o f Parnok's) , Gnesin's brother .

F I G . 7 . "Eac h wicke d finger' s shap e disseminate s / a woman's tender ness, a boy's impertinence " (Tsvetaeva) . Parnok durin g th e time o f he r marriag e t o Volkenshtein. B y permission o f the Amherst Cente r fo r Russia n Culture , Amherst College .

F I G . 8 . "Sa d eyes , so deepl y open, / drunk o n th e anguis h of al l passions. " Parnok seate d behin d he r desk, circ a 1910 .

F 1 G . 9. "I' m no w a stay-at-home i n Kolokolnikov Lan e wit h my girlfriend an d a pet monkey. " Parnok circ a 1913 .

F I G . 10 . "Overpowerin g th e face, / th e eyes , like doubl e moons " (Tsvetaeva). Parnok durin g th e tim e o f he r lov e affair wit h Tsvetaeva .

F I G . i i . "Mam a ha d a friend, Sony a Parnok—sh e also wrote poetry " (Ariadn e Efron) . Marina Tsvetaev a (on right) an d her daughte r Ariadne, 1915 .

F I G . i z . "Th e . . . rosiness, goldenness, / and pearli ness of face , an d silkiness , . . ./ And th e coldnes s o f serpentine wiles. " Marina Tsvetaeva , 191 6.

F I G . 13 . "O h m y passionate friend, / m y insatiable one! " Lyudmila Erarskay a (standing) an d Parno k o n th e veranda i n the Gertsyks' garden, Sudak , Septembe r 1918 .

F I G . 14 . Erarskay a (center), Parno k (right), an d a n unidentified woma n (left) i n Sudak .

F I G . 15 . "O h dark , dark , dar k road , / why are you so dark an d long? " Parnok a t th e time of he r retur n t o Moscow , 1922 .

F I G . 1 6. [ ] "Agai n I gaze a t you r steep-browed profile. " Valentin Parnakh , Parnok' s brother .

F I G . 17 . Le v Gornung a s a young man , 1920s .

F I G . 18 . "Interchange s o f ou r dream s / and secrets , mine, yours. " Parnok an d Olg a Tsuberbille r i n their roo m i n Moscow, 1920s .

F I G . 19 . "Sin , have fun, an d blossom wit h th e years!" Parnok (on right) an d Fain a Ranevskaya , 1920s .

F I G . 2,0 . "An d truly , on e canno t predict , / who i n the world wil l b e one's reader. " Parnok i n the lat e 1920s .

F I G . 21 . Parno k an d Tsuberbiller (on the left), thei r landlady's so n (center), thei r landlad y an d a n uniden tified woma n i n th e garden o f th e dach a the y rented i n Maloyaroslavets, summe r 1931 . Photograph b y Lev Gornung .

F I G . 22 . Parno k (on the right), Tsuberbiller , an d their landlady' s so n (in the tree) i n Maloyaroslavets , summer 1931 . Photograph b y Le v Gornung .

F I G . 23 . "Than k you , m y angel , for bein g you, / and fo r bein g next t o me. " Parnok an d Tsuberbille r i n the garden o f thei r rente d dacha i n Maloyaroslavets, summe r 1931 . Photograph b y Lev Gornung .

F i G. 24 . " I wan t t o dance ! . . . Zurnas, you r wailin g / inspires my stormy exaltation! " Maria Maksakov a a s Almast i n th e oper a Almast (end of Ac t III) fo r whic h Parno k wrot e th e libretto .

F i G. 25 . A complex triangl e o f mutua l need , love , and obligation . Parno k (standing), Erarskay a (center), Tsuberbiller (right front) i n Moscow, 1932 . Photograph b y Le v Gornung .

F I G . 26 . " A hea d o f silve r grey . And youthfu l fea tures. / And Dante' s profile . An d a winged gaze. " Nina Vedeneyeva , 1932 .

F I G . 27 . "Now , withou t rebellin g o r resisting , / I hear ho w m y heart beat s its retreat. " The last photograph take n of Parnok , b y Le v Gornung .

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Marina's card s thre e time s i n a row . Whateve r ma y hav e bee n the autobiographica l basi s fo r th e poeti c speaker' s predictio n i n "Fortune telling, " event s i n th e nex t thre e month s prove d i t t o be correct . The poe m "Ho w ligh t th e ligh t i s today " (#11) , o n th e othe r hand, contradicte d th e ominou s atmospher e surroundin g Parno k at th e tim e i t wa s allegedl y written . I t concerne d th e powe r o f naming a s investe d i n Ada m b y th e Creator—th e poeti c speake r pictured hersel f i n Eden , hidde n amon g th e othe r creature s t o b e named. Th e poe m bega n wit h a n evocatio n o f a primeva l sprin g when th e "eart h [was ] n o year s old" ; perhap s it s jo y an d "bub bling" creativ e energ y provide d a respit e fro m th e darknes s an d sorrow tha t were threatening t o engul f Parno k i n reality . Finally, " I lov e yo u i n you r expanse " (#24) , a lov e lyri c t o Russia, reveale d tha t Parno k bot h empathize d an d identifie d her self wit h Russi a i n a wa y tha t gav e a spiritua l dimensio n t o he r own wandering . Th e poeti c speake r evoke d he r motherlan d a s a "much-loving wanderess " wh o wa s "movin g towar d Chris t i n a great aloneness." 83 During th e fal l Parno k bega n sufferin g intensifie d bu t familia r symptoms—headaches, insomnia , fatigue , an d tachycardia . A s al ways, thoughts o f deat h accompanie d thi s onslaugh t o f symptoms . The knowledge tha t deat h ofte n occurre d unexpectedl y an d instan taneously fo r sufferer s o f Grave' s ma y hav e contribute d t o th e poet's lyrica l obsessio n wit h las t moments . On e exampl e wa s he r prediction o f th e singl e "boundles s moment " befor e he r deat h i n the poem "Rondeau, " whic h appeare d i n the November-Decembe r issue of Northern Annals: I'll remember everything. In one boundless moment, the obedient herds of all my days will crowd before me. On the paths I've trodden I shall not overlook one track, like the lines in my reference book , and to the evil of all my days I shall softly sa y "yes."

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Are we not summoned here by the whim of love— love, I have not endeavored to break your chains! And without fear, without shame, without despair I'll remember everything. Even if my toil has yielded me a pitiful harvest , and my barns are full of wormwood rather than corn, and even if my god has lied, my faith i s firm, I won't be like some contemptible defrocked monk 84 in that endless moment, the last moment, when I'll remember everything. (#42) Nine year s ha d passe d sinc e Parno k ha d broke n int o print . Despite ofte n leadin g the sor t o f lif e sh e had onc e fel t coul d "neve r be i n [her ] poetry, " sh e ha d manage d t o writ e an d publis h score s of poem s tha t gav e a t leas t a n ide a o f he r lif e an d affectiona l preference. Sh e wa s certainl y n o longe r a "young " poet , eithe r i n age o r i n outlook , if , indeed , sh e ha d eve r bee n on e i n th e latte r sense. Yet at the ag e of thirty , sh e still had n o boo k o f her own . Her prou d commen t t o Struv e i n 191 0 tha t sh e wa s "i n n o rush t o publish " mus t hav e seeme d mor e an d mor e o f a n ironi c understatement a s th e year s passed . N o wonde r tha t sh e ofte n tormented hersel f wit h underminin g thoughts o f talentlessness, creative penury, pitifu l harvests , an d threshin g barn s filled with bitte r wormwood. N o wonder , either , tha t he r lac k o f ambitio n ha d made her , a s Tsvetaev a ha d s o correctl y perceived , a "fai r stranger" i n Russia n poetr y wit h a Beethovenesque, o r revolution ary, potentia l tha t fa r to o fe w peopl e ha d heard . Th e musica l editor wh o recalle d seein g Parno k an d Tsvetaev a sittin g i n eac h other's arm s a t th e Rimsky-Korsakovs ' "strang e parties " seeme d to su m u p Parnok' s prerevolutionar y poeti c statu s i n th e eye s of he r contemporarie s whe n h e ende d hi s impressio n wit h th e disparaging an d homophobi c remark , "Whic h o f the m dominated ? What ha d Sophi a Parno k written ? I don't know." 8 5 Unfortunately, i t i s difficul t eve n t o gues s a t th e reason s an d circumstances tha t finally mad e Parno k decid e t o harves t a first major cro p fro m he r fields. All one can say is merely the obvious —

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she felt sh e was ready a t last to publish he r firs t book . Sh e gathere d together sixt y poem s sh e ha d writte n and , i n man y cases , alread y published, fro m 191 2 throug h 191 5 (roughl y th e period covere d i n this chapter) . She rejected everythin g sh e had writte n prio r t o 191 2 and thu s consigne d a substantial bod y o f he r work t o oblivion . Obviously, sh e fel t tha t an y earlie r wor k deserve d death . Equally obviously , sh e chos e 191 2 a s th e chronologica l beginnin g of her first book becaus e of it s personal, rather than creative , value. The year 191 2 had ha d n o particular importanc e fo r he r writing a s such—in fact , a s far a s one ca n tell , she wrote almos t nothin g tha t year—but, a s th e yea r o f he r father' s death , i t mus t hav e ha d powerful, perhap s unconscious , psychologica l significance . A similar patter n o f deat h followe d b y creativ e renewa l ca n b e observe d at subsequen t stage s of he r poetic journey . Parnok's first book , calle d simpl y Poems, wa s divide d int o five sections o f unequa l length , eac h o f whic h ha d a certai n thematic , rather tha n chronological , cyclical , o r formal , unity . Th e section s dealt with: wanderin g (thirtee n poems) ; death (seve n poems); Russia an d th e wa r (fou r poems) ; lov e an d poetr y (thirtee n poems) ; and lov e an d rememberin g (twenty-thre e poems) . Th e lov e lyrics , which comprise d roughl y a thir d o f th e book , introduce d th e first openly lesbia n poeti c speake r an d desirin g subjec t eve r t o b e hear d in a book o f Russia n poetry . Parnok declare d hersel f i n a revolutionaril y nondecadent , life based lyricism . Althoug h Tsvetaev a wa s mentione d b y nam e (Ma rina) i n the book onl y twice, several o f th e love poems, perhaps th e majority, wer e clearl y inspire d b y Parnok' s relationshi p wit h he r ( # # 4 0 , 52 , 57 , an d 58 , i n additio n t o th e one s discussed) . Th e remaining lov e lyric s evoke d episode s an d lover s fro m Parnok' s casual relationship s prio r t o Albrecht , includin g a particularl y in tense encounter wit h a prostitute (#47) . The lesbia n content s o f Poems shocke d som e critic s an d force d more sympatheti c ones , lik e Adelaid a Gertsyk , Lipskerov , Khoda sevich, an d Voloshin , t o find delicat e circumlocution s fo r the m o r

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pass ove r the m i n silence . Ther e wa s stil l n o critica l languag e fo r dealing wit h lesbianis m i n Russia n literature , jus t a s ther e wa s n o appropriate wa y t o tal k abou t i t i n polit e society . Th e poe m tha t raised th e mos t consternatio n amon g Parnok' s reviewer s turne d out t o b e "Lik e a smal l gir l yo u appeare d i n m y presenc e ungrace fully." 86 Par t o f th e reaso n i t arouse d particula r notic e mus t hav e been tha t i t assume d a lesbia n Sappho ; bu t i n Russia n poetr y o f the Silve r Age , Sapph o wa s considere d t o b e a grea t heterosexual poetess. Overall , th e review s wer e positive , bu t the y sen t Parno k an ambiguou s messag e b y welcomin g he r a s a fai r strange r whil e avoiding her difference .

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" T h e r e ' s N o Wa Back, fo r You , Me, o r Us... "

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At th e en d o f th e yea r Parno k an d Tsvetaev a wen t t o Petrogra d for abou t tw o weeks , an d staye d a t th e hom e o f Chatskin a an d Saker. I t wa s Tsvetaeva' s firs t tri p t o th e capita l an d he r introduc tion t o literar y societ y there . Among th e man y ne w people sh e me t were th e Kannegisers , th e famil y o f a n eminen t nava l architect . They too k he r o n a whirlwin d tou r o f th e cit y tha t lef t he r wit h lasting impression s o f "freezin g cold , multitude s o f monuments , fast-driving sleigh s . . . an d hug e marbl e fireplaces," wher e i t seemed "whol e grove s o f oak " wer e incinerated . Bu t th e mai n thing tha t remaine d i n Tsvetaeva' s memor y o f he r visi t "wa s th e poetry o f Pushki n an d Akhmatova." l In Januar y th e Kannegiser s hel d a bi g evenin g part y a t thei r home t o whic h Tsvetaev a an d Parno k wer e invited , alon g wit h al l the leadin g light s o f literar y an d artisti c Petersburg . Th e feature d attraction wa s th e celebrate d poe t Mikhai l Kuzmin , wh o wa s t o perform hi s songs . Unfortunately , Parno k di d no t fee l wel l an d could no t go , which cause d a quarrel betwee n he r an d he r lover , a s Tsvetaeva recalle d i n dramati c detai l severa l years later : 139

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I had just arrived. I was with a certain person, i.e. it was a woman. Lord, how I cried! But that's no t important. Well , to be brief, she really di d not want m e to g o to tha t part y an d therefore mad e a point of urging me to go. She herself couldn' t go—she had a headache—and whe n sh e had a headache—and sh e always had one— she was unbearable (ou r dark room , the dark-blue lamp , my tears . . . ). But my head didn' t ache—i t neve r aches!—an d I absolutely did not want to stay home (1) because of Sony a, (2) because Kuzmin would be there and was going to sing. "Sonya, I'm not going." "Why not? Certainly not because of me." "But I feel sorry for you." "There'll be lots of people there, you'll cheer up." "No, I feel very sorry for you." "I can' t stan d pity . Go, go. Just think , Marina , Kuzmi n wil l be there, he'll sing." "Yes, he'll sing , and when I get home, you'll neve r let me forget that I went, and I'll cry. I won't go for anything in the world." Of course , sh e did go. And, unexpectedly, on e of th e multitud e of guest s ther e turne d ou t to b e Mandelshtam, who m sh e had not seen sinc e sh e lef t Koktebe l th e previou s summer . Bot h h e an d Tsvetaeva rea d thei r poem s a t the party, an d for the first time the y "realized eac h other' s literar y importance." 2 Thei r meetin g a t the Kannegisers initiate d a ne w stag e i n thei r relationship , whic h ha s been describe d variousl y a s a poeti c friendship , a romanti c flirta tion, a mutual admiratio n o f each other' s talent , an d a full-fledged , if brief, lov e affair . The poetic , an d perhap s amorous , excitemen t o f meetin g Man delshtam an d o f he r ow n succes s a t th e part y naturall y delighte d Tsvetaeva, bu t also apparentl y mad e her feel guilt y abou t enjoyin g herself i n th e absenc e o f he r lover . Sh e decide d t o leav e befor e Kuzmin sang , an d mad e he r excuse s b y tellin g everyon e "i n a business-like tone , ' I hav e m y girlfrien d a t home. ' " Kuzmi n him self prevaile d upo n he r to stay, and Tsvetaeva replied , "You don' t kno w m e at all , but take wha t I say on faith , I'v e never wanted to stay so much in my life as I do now and never had to leave so much as I do now." . . .

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"Is your girlfriend ill? " "Yes." "But, after all , you did leave her and are already here, so . . .. " "I kno w tha t I'l l neve r be able to forgiv e mysel f i f I stay, or if I go... . " She left afte r on e or two songs . When sh e got home, Parnok ha d gone to bed . The lover s returne d t o Mosco w o n Januar y 19 . Four day s late r they wer e bot h schedule d t o participat e i n a n Evening of Women Poets a t th e Polytechni c Museum , bu t neithe r o f the m attended . Ironically, Tsvetaeva' s poem s ma y hav e bee n rea d a t th e evenin g by a n actres s wh o wa s destine d shortl y t o pla y a fatefu l rol e i n th e young poet' s persona l life . Thi s actres s wa s Lyudmil a Vladi mirovna Erarskaya . A tall , dark-haired , Eurasia n woma n i n he r twenties , Lyudmil a (Mashenka, Milochka ) live d i n Mosco w an d ha d tw o sister s wit h whom sh e was close . She worked i n a private theater company , th e Nezlobin Theater , name d afte r th e directo r an d acto r wh o ha d founded i t i n 1909 . Unfortunately , nothin g i s know n o f how , when, o r wher e Parno k an d Erarskay a met , bu t b y January 1916 , they had "becom e close." 3 A mysterious, undated poe m a t the en d of Parnok' s first boo k tha t begin s " A see d can' t bloo m i n infertil e soil" (#52 ) concern s a n amorou s triangl e betwee n th e femal e speaker (Parnok) , he r present , bu t imminentl y unfaithful , passion ate, an d coldhearte d love r (th e addressee) , an d another , "thir d woman," who , the speaker warn s he r beloved, "alread y stand s lik e a shado w betwee n us. " I f Tsvetaev a wer e th e intende d addresse e of thi s poe m an d Erarskay a th e "thir d woman, " the n i t coul d b e read a s a lyrica l warnin g fro m Parno k o f wha t Tsvetaev a woul d later cal l the "firs t catastrophe " o f he r young life. 4 Erarskaya's appea l fo r Parno k i s fa r easie r t o surmis e tha n th e details o f thei r first meetin g an d involvement . Sh e was a s differen t from Tsvetaev a a s a reboun d love r coul d b e (an d ofte n is) : dar k and statuesqu e wher e Tsvetaev a wa s rosy-golde n an d slender ;

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womanly where Tsvetaeva wa s boyish; worldly an d reserved wher e Tsvetaeva wa s disingenuou s an d bold . Erarskay a wa s no t a poet , desired n o creativ e "due l o f wills," and Parno k foun d he r beautifu l and seductive . At th e beginnin g o f February , Mandelshta m unexpectedl y ar rived i n Mosco w t o se e Tsvetaeva and , in her words , "t o finis h th e conversation" the y ha d begu n i n Petrograd. 5 Thi s "conversation " took u p tw o days , durin g whic h Tsvetaev a introduce d Mandelsh tam t o Mosco w an d share d poem s wit h him . Thi s tim e thei r liter ary importanc e fo r eac h othe r mad e he r forge t entirel y abou t he r "sick girlfriend, " wh o wa s hom e suffering fro m almos t continuou s headaches, but who was also having conversations o f her own wit h Erarskaya. Accordin g t o Tsvetaeva , th e tw o day s wit h Mandel shtam wa s he r firs t unexplaine d absenc e fro m Parno k "i n ages, " but sh e believed the y were to blam e for everythin g that followed . After Mandelshta m left , o n Februar y 6 , sh e wen t straigh t t o Parnok's apartment , burs t int o th e room , an d the n froz e a t th e sight o f "anothe r woman " sittin g o n Parnok' s be d i n he r usua l place, looking "ver y large , fat, [and ] black." 6 In a n instan t Tsvetaev a sense d tha t sh e had bee n replace d i n he r mother-lover's affection s b y a seriou s rival , an d th e realizatio n traumatized her . A fe w day s later , sh e struc k bac k wit h a hurtfu l blow o f he r own , apparentl y demandin g tha t Parno k retur n he r letters an d th e noteboo k o f th e "Girlfriend " poems . Parno k re sponded t o this "blasphemy " i n a proud an d angr y poem : To blush for poems that you wrote, demand that I return your letters, your gift is sacred, independent of those blasphemous hands of yours! What can I return? Here, catch your notebook full of written pages, but the fire, moisture, and wind in murmurs of love can not be given back. Aren't they why my night is black, my eyes—vacant, my voice tender,

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but do I know which ear of corn has arisen from th e seed you've sown? (#82) 7 Despite he r burgeonin g relationshi p wit h Erarskaya , Parno k appeared t o be as emotionally devastate d a s Tsvetaeva b y the deat h (black night ) o f thei r love , bu t unlik e Tsvetaeva , sh e accepte d th e finality o f wha t ha d happene d o n Februar y 6 an d it s aftermath . Her "T o blus h fo r poems " suggest s tha t sh e compensate d fo r th e loss o f Tsvetaeva' s "sacre d gift"—th e on e thin g o f Marina' s tha t she ha d cherishe d withou t qualification—b y makin g hersel f be lieve that sh e had not , an d coul d not, ever lose it. She had absorbe d her poet-lover' s seed , th e elementa l fire, air , an d wate r o f he r love , and believe d that see d would no t die , but would "brin g forth muc h fruit," accordin g t o th e myster y spoke n i n th e well-know n line s from St . John (t o which he r poe m clearl y alludes) : "Excep t a cor n of whea t fal l int o th e eart h an d die , it abideth alone , but i f it die, it bringeth fort h muc h fruit. " I n th e mother-daughte r contex t o f he r personal an d creativ e relationshi p wit h Tsvetaeva , Parnok' s "T o blush fo r poems " coul d als o b e rea d a s a reworkin g o f th e De meter-Persephone myth . When "T o blus h fo r poems " wa s written , Tsvetaeva' s see d ha d just die d i n Parnok , an d sh e di d no t kno w wha t frui t i t woul d produce. Bu t sh e kne w sh e ha d com e awa y fro m th e relationshi p permanently enriched . Th e sens e tha t sh e ha d gaine d somethin g lasting fro m "th e eternit y promise d b y love " (#52)—an d b y he r mutable genius-lover—lef t ope n th e possibilit y o f forgivin g Tsvet aeva an d rememberin g he r with love . Tsvetaeva, o n th e othe r hand , mus t hav e perceive d he r faile d relationship wit h Parno k a s a total los s (a t one time she considere d calling th e "Girlfriend " cycl e " A Mistake") . Subconsciously , sh e made severa l attempt s a t compensatio n fo r th e loss . First , sh e returned t o he r "tsar " husband . Second , sh e promptl y becam e pregnant durin g th e summe r o f 1916. 8 Then , thre e year s later , sh e had a lov e affai r wit h anothe r Sony a (th e actres s Sophi a Holliday ) in whic h sh e playe d th e older , "maternal " partner . Bu t sh e coul d

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never mak e u p fo r th e defectio n o f he r origina l Sophia , an d har bored a grudg e agains t Parno k fo r th e res t o f he r life . Sh e looke d back o n thei r lov e a s th e tim e whe n sh e ha d "suffere d unde r Sonya Parnok." 9 In th e immediat e aftermat h o f thei r Februar y break , however , Tsvetaeva di d no t believ e th e relationshi p wa s over . A t th e begin ning o f Marc h sh e note d dow n a brie f exchang e sh e had ha d wit h Ariadne, i n whic h sh e sai d sh e fel t sa d becaus e sh e "ha d onl y tw o friends—you an d Sonya." 10 Part o f he r sadnes s mus t hav e com e fro m he r sens e that Parno k was alread y i n love with Erarskaya . Indeed , at the end of February , Parnok wrot e he r first lov e lyri c "t o Mashenka " (on e o f he r pe t names fo r Lyudmil a Vladimirovna) , "O h m y God , I am unworth y of this! " (#151) , i n whic h sh e expresse d th e intens e bu t compli cated emotion s tha t he r ne w lover' s "desperat e tenderness " ha d evoked i n her . Sh e felt unworth y o f Mashenka' s lov e an d hopeles s about it , ye t blissfu l i n he r despair . Sh e feare d fo r Mashenka' s vulnerability an d capabilit y t o withstan d th e forc e (wind ) o f he r passion. It i s possibl e tha t Tsvetaev a an d Parno k continue d t o se e eac h other throug h th e spring . B y the en d o f Apri l som e furthe r ruptur e had occurre d t o whic h Tsvetaev a responde d wit h resignatio n an d an upsurg e o f nostalgi a fo r thei r lov e that inspire d he r t o write on e of he r mos t beautifu l poem s t o Parnok , a valedictor y t o thei r "sunsetless day s o f yore." 1 1 I t wa s he r las t poe m t o he r "tragi c heroine," whom, a s it turned out , sh e had no t bee n abl e to save — for herself . Ironically, th e April-Ma y issu e o f Northern Annals carrie d Par nok-Polyanin's revie w o f Mandelshtam' s Stone. Sh e praise d hi s work i n th e highes t terms , callin g th e volum e " a singin g stone, " the essenc e o f rea l poetry . Si x year s late r i n a poe m sh e woul d speak o f th e "singin g stone " o f he r ow n stanzas . Perhap s becaus e she ha d perceive d Mandelshta m a s a romanti c rival , Parno k wa s particularly sensitiv e t o an y trait s o r taste s the y ha d i n common ,

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such a s their mutua l adoratio n o f Tsvetaeva' s genius . The hostilit y his often rud e (bu t apparentl y typical ) behavio r evoke d i n her mus t have bee n exacerbate d b y he r seein g hi m i n som e way s a s a nega tive double, or shadow, o f herself. Her late r relations with Mandel shtam bor e the unmistakable stam p o f suc h Dostoevskian doublin g and wer e simila r t o her relationshi p wit h he r brother. 12 After th e emotiona l turmoi l o f th e pas t year , Parno k wa s ex hausted an d desperatel y i n nee d o f peac e an d quiet . Perhap s wit h the encouragemen t o f th e Gertsyks , sh e decide d t o spen d th e sum mer i n Sudak , wher e sh e rente d a roo m wit h boar d i n th e cottag e of a local priest . One o f he r mai n correspondent s tha t summe r wa s th e poe t Vladislav Khodasevich , wit h who m sh e ha d recentl y becom e friends an d wh o wa s spendin g hi s summe r i n nearb y Koktebel . In addition t o liking Khodasevich's poems , Parnok considere d hi m " a secret brothe r wh o doesn' t kno w he' s mine. " Khodasevich becam e important t o he r afte r th e emotiona l defectio n o f he r biologica l brother an d he r rivalr y wit h th e "bad " brothe r poet , Mandel shtam. Parnok empathize d wit h Khodasevich' s chroni c poor healt h an d took a n almos t semiprofessiona l interes t i n hi s medica l problems . That summe r h e wa s recuperatin g fro m tuberculosi s o f th e spine . After receivin g a letter i n which h e described hi s symptoms, Parno k suddenly feare d tha t h e migh t hav e a sarcom a o f th e spine , bu t h e quickly disabuse d he r o f tha t awfu l thought . Khodasevich, fo r hi s part , wa s ver y fon d o f Parno k an d like d her poems . H e kep t he r informe d o f th e coming s an d going s o f other guest s a t Koktebe l tha t summer , includin g Tsvetaeva an d he r husband, wh o mad e a brie f visi t i n earl y July . Late r tha t month , after severa l week s o f exposur e t o Mandelshta m "struttin g about " and actin g "simpl y stupid " (a s he wrote hi s wife i n June), he cam e to shar e Parnok' s opinio n o f him : You're right , yo u know , Mandelshta m i s no t smart . Bu t he' s un happy, one feels sorry for him. His literary self-esteem i s frustrated .

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Petersburg ruine d him . Well, what kin d o f a poet i s he? And, you know, he's "in for a penny, in for a pound." That's oppressive, i.e., I want to say that he'll write good poems, if he sits down and does a little work, but still, he's not a poet. It's unfair, but true.13 The Septembe r issu e o f Northern Annals containe d fou r poem s by Parnok : "Sonnet " (#118) ; "Sapphi c Stanzas, " late r retitle d "The Return " an d publishe d i n Roses ofPieria a s part o f a trilogy ; a poe m sh e ha d writte n t o Khodasevic h i n June ; an d he r secon d love lyri c t o Lyudmil a Erarskaya , th e firs t poe m sh e ha d eve r published wit h a dedication t o a specific lover-addressee. 14 ToL.V.E. Can a lynx ever really be tamed, so why play the kitten with me? How you soften you r fateful fac e with that smile so skillfully ! Thus an actress should play saucy girls: training her gold, gypsy eye from beneat h sultry lashes downcurled to look at you while looking aside. Oh that ominous calm before storms: it is just like the quiet was when Don Jose said, "You're the devil himself," and Carmen replied, "I am." (#138 ) The imag e o f Erarskay a i n thi s poem differe d significantl y fro m the vulnerabl e "littl e stalk " an d godsen t "light " tha t Parno k ha d perceived he r t o b e i n he r first poe m t o her . Her e sh e seeme d more th e powerful woma n wit h "fatefu l features, " a type that ha d attracted Parno k sinc e adolescence . Apparently, Erarskay a di d no t merely ac t bu t i n fac t possesse d th e "double " personalit y (wild / tame, lynx/kitten ) tha t Parno k perceive d i n he r no t lon g afte r they becam e lovers . Thu s Parnok' s portraya l o f he r i n thi s poem : Erarskaya's serene , sophisticated, extremel y controlled exterio r hi d a wil d sou l tha t seethe d wit h dar k emotions—anger , hatred , fear . She mus t hav e evoke d Parnok' s ow n persona l demon s a s wel l a s her capacit y t o lov e compassionately an d maternally .

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Erarskaya wa s th e othe r hal f o f Parnok' s longest , mos t commit ted, an d i n man y ways , mos t all-encompassin g lov e relationship . During the course of thei r constantl y evolvin g intimacy an d friend ship o f sixtee n years , the y explore d an d experience d al l th e possi bilities, dangers, and dea d end s of human love . As Erarskaya wrot e to Eugeni a Gertsy k a mont h afte r Parno k died : "Yes , w e live d through s o muc h tha t it' s har d t o tel l abou t it ! So man y moment s that I shall absolutel y remembe r m y whole life!" 15 Parnok attribute d fou r poem s t o th e year 191 6 without indicat ing specificall y whe n the y wer e written . "Th e hea t i s double d b y the lac k o f wind " (#101 ) probabl y date d fro m he r summe r i n Sudak. Th e occasiona l poe m "Acrostic " (#102 ) wa s dedicate d t o Lipskerov, he r frien d an d poeti c "discovery, " who m sh e haile d a s her "brothe r b y fat e an d th e lyre. " "A t th e Concert " (#134 ) recalled a concer t sh e ha d attende d wit h a mal e frien d (perhap s Volkenshtein) wh o wa s bot h dea r an d alie n t o th e poeti c speaker . Finally, "Again , jus t lik e a bir d who' s wounded " expresse d Par nok's recurren t gyps y anguis h tha t mad e he r an d othe r "homeles s folk" sister s o f gyps y singers : Torment me, tear me, gypsy voice, and with your song sing me to death— one shouldn't let the soul keep struggling against herself! (#140) The sisterhoo d o f blac k angels , gypsies, and homeles s soul s i n thi s poem represente d a communit y o f femal e outcast s tha t offere d a kind o f homeopathi c therap y fo r th e poet' s sou l whe n i t ha d be come too chafe d b y "th e religiou s fetter s o f love " (#42) . Parnok's restlessnes s an d yearnin g als o reflecte d on e sid e o f th e ambivalent moo d tha t ha d grippe d man y Russia n intellectual s an d poets towar d th e en d o f 1916 . Eugeni a Gertsy k late r recalle d th e two sharpl y contradictor y attitude s amon g Russian s o n th e ev e of the Februar y 191 7 revolution : "Som e wer e tryin g optimistically t o reconcile al l self-eviden t contradictions , other s consciousl y exacer -

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bated the m a s i f wantin g t o haste n catastrophe." 16 Parnok' s yearning fo r catastroph e als o containe d a stron g religious , apoca lyptic element , whic h ma y hav e bee n influence d b y Eugeni a Gert syk. I n th e fal l th e poet , wh o stil l ha d no t realize d th e spiritua l potential o f he r ne w faith , dre w close r t o Eugenia . At th e beginnin g o f th e revolutionar y year , Parno k wrot e t o Gnesin tha t sh e an d Eugeni a ha d becom e friends . Sh e hope d tha t when Gnesi n cam e t o Moscow , h e would hav e tim e t o mee t he r a t the Gertsyks . Sh e ha d tol d the m abou t hi s lates t compositio n an d generally ha d sun g his praises s o that he r friend s urge d he r "t o lur e [Gnesin] to their house , if only fo r a n hour." 1 7 Another ol d friend , Yuli a Veisberg , acquire d ne w creativ e im portance fo r Parno k a t thi s time , whe n sh e invite d he r t o writ e a libretto fo r a n oper a sh e ha d begu n o n th e subjec t o f The Little Mermaid. Wor k o n th e oper a wit h Shteinber g ha d apparentl y ground t o a halt . Parnok an d Erarskay a wer e no w livin g a t 2 Sukharevskay a Sadovaya Street . Th e poe t wa s i n wretche d health : " I fee l s o awful," sh e wrot e Veisberg , "tha t th e docto r ha s bee n a fa r mor e frequent visito r tha n m y muse . (It' s th e sam e ol d neuralgi a an d enlargement o f m y hear t cause d b y my thyroi d gland , an d th e result i s tha t I' m a t death' s door.) " Afte r discussin g detail s o f th e Mermaid libretto , Parnok turne d t o a song Gnesin ha d jus t writte n to on e o f he r poems : I like the "Romance" Mikhail Fabianovich wrot e to my poem very much. . .. I n m y view, somethin g generall y goo d ha s happene d t o [him]: he evidently ha s begun to believe in himself mor e and therefore has relaxed the constraints on his originality. He allows himself to b e banal , i.e . human , an d tha t i s a pledge o f a greate r creativ e flow. I think something similar is happening with me. 18 Finally, Parno k wa s beginnin g t o rela x th e aestheti c censo r i n herself tha t ha d alway s bee n s o war y o f he r "banal " lif e a s a subject fo r he r poetry . He r ne w "greate r creativ e flow " wa s als o

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spurred b y the "deadl y mood " tha t ha d recentl y overcom e he r an d everyone els e i n Moscow . "It' s impossibl e t o live, " sh e wrot e t o Veisberg, "therefor e I have rathe r a lo t o f poems . I'l l sen d the m t o you somehow . An d fo r th e tim e being , her e ar e eigh t gloom y lines:" They won't come and it's really no matter, —they'll recall me in joy or in wrath; in the ground I shall not be more homeless, than I was when I walked on this earth. And the wind, my unhired mourner , will twirl up over me snowy lees . . . Oh my path, sorrowful, distant , somber, predetermined uniquely for me. (#147) "All that' s left, " sh e signe d off , "i s fo r m e to kis s your sugar y lips . Your Sophia." 19 Th e poe m expresse d n o fait h i n immortality , n o faith i n human caring , n o fait h i n anything—jus t th e awarenes s o f her alonenes s i n deat h a s i n lif e an d a belie f i n he r idiosyncratic , "dark" destiny . Spring cam e earl y t o Mosco w tha t year , bu t "everythin g [was ] so hopeless " tha t i t jus t mad e Parno k fee l sadder. 20 B y th e en d of March , however , he r moo d ha d change d a s radicall y a s th e government o f Russia—th e tsa r ha d abdicate d an d a provisiona l government heade d b y Alexande r Kerensk y wa s i n power . N o longer "a t death' s door, " Parno k no w fel t no t onl y "alive , but eve n in a kin d o f ferment. " Caugh t u p i n th e revolutionar y spirit , sh e prayed tha t th e overthro w o f tsaris m woul d tur n ou t t o b e a "fair y tale wit h a happ y ending." 21 In som e sens e he r hop e wa s cynical , namely, tha t peopl e woul d ac t ou t o f self-interes t wher e the y should hav e acte d ou t o f patriotism . Russian s a s a peopl e seeme d to he r t o b e distinguishe d b y thei r "inabilit y t o lov e thei r father land. . . . Th e ol d [tsarist ] government, " sh e wrot e t o Veisberg , "nurtured i n generation s [o f Russians ] a lac k o f respec t fo r thei r homeland, bu t n o disenchantment s ca n cur e on e o f love—becaus e

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love is in one's blood—an d i f Russian s hav e been cure d o f lov e fo r Russia, the n tha t ca n onl y mea n tha t the y ha d n o lov e fo r he r t o begin with." 2 2 The Februar y revolutio n ha d a n immediat e financia l impac t o n Parnok i f onl y becaus e i t force d th e closin g o f Northern Annals. Her las t article , a lon g an d scathin g attac k o n Bryusov' s poetry , had appeare d i n th e Januar y (an d final) issue . With th e demis e o f Northern Annals, Parnok' s five-year professiona l associatio n wit h Chatskina an d Sake r cam e to a n abrup t end , and a major sourc e of her ver y modes t incom e drie d up . In orde r t o suppor t herself , sh e went t o work i n an office . In June sh e an d Erarskay a wen t t o Milin o villag e i n Tul a prov ince, where the y staye d a s guests o f th e Knipers . The situatio n sh e observed dail y i n th e village kille d he r hope s fo r a "happ y ending " to th e revolutionar y "fair y tale. " "Thing s ar e prett y awfu l i n th e countryside righ t now, " sh e wrot e t o Voloshin ; "hardl y a da y passes without th e peasants comin g with ne w demands ; thei r face s have a mysticall y vacan t look , an d wit h ever y da y I gai n a bette r understanding o f th e saying , T h e mor e I see of people , th e mor e I like dogs.'" 2 3 With thi s letter Parnok enclose d a poem she had recentl y writte n to Erarskaya. I t appears to have been composed a t one of the man y times Parno k wa s convince d sh e di d no t hav e lon g t o live , an d Erarskaya, who m sh e agai n evoke s a s a "delicat e stalk, " wa s her self eithe r depressed , o r unwell : On its delicate stalk droops a flower . . . Oh beloved, all I have ever loved and will leave on this earth when I go, finish loving , beloved, in place of me, these petals as soft as a kiss, this fire splashed over the heavens, these tears (which only a poet understands!)—the anguish of bliss. And a lonely grave-mound in the steppe, and majestic singing of verses,

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but the gypsies' wild tambourines love in this life no less . . . In the twilight the cupolas pink as the pigeons fly out over Moscow. Oh beloved, please love above all the bells tolling eventide! (#142) Parnok ha d hear d fro m friend s i n Petrogra d tha t Voloshi n ha d reviewed he r boo k Poems, an d i n he r Jun e lette r fro m Milin o sh e asked hi m fo r a copy . Sh e receive d i t onl y afte r sh e wa s bac k i n Moscow, workin g i n he r office , "dispatchin g an d filin g papers. " The wor k exhauste d he r an d lef t n o tim e fo r writin g s o tha t he r muse ha d becom e "unfriendly." 24 Bu t ther e wa s nothin g t o b e done. Famin e ha d followe d i n th e wak e o f th e winter' s politica l upheavals, an d th e provisional government' s failur e t o en d th e wa r with German y ha d resulte d i n mas s desertion s o f Russia n troop s and complet e chaos . By August ther e was hunger i n Moscow . Voloshin reviewe d Parnok' s firs t boo k i n th e contex t o f a large r article he had planne d o n th e subjec t o f th e "unforgettableness " o f a poet' s voice , a n ide a tha t Parnok , o f course , found "ver y appeal ing." Hi s articl e ha d ende d u p focusing , however , o n th e voice s of just tw o poets , Parno k an d Mandelshtam , an d fo r al l it s enthusi asm abou t bot h o f them , Parnok' s voic e wa s mad e t o soun d mor e attractive. The review delighted her , an d sh e wrote him of her grat itude: Without even mentioning how I value praise from th e lips of such a master o f vers e a s you , I wa s mad e endlessl y happ y b y you r un feigned, huma n friendlines s towar d me , whic h I value mor e tha n anything else , perhaps becaus e I have been so little spoiled b y it in my life . I a m no t onl y flattered , bu t touche d t o th e cor e b y you r poet's and human being's attention to my book.25 Erarskaya's healt h ha d worsene d ove r th e summer , an d sh e wa s advised t o leav e Mosco w befor e winter . Parno k coul d no t bea r t o be separate d fro m her , especiall y i n suc h chaoti c an d difficul t times. Besides , he r ow n healt h wa s no t good , Mosco w an d he r

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office jo b ha d becom e detestable , an d he r closes t femal e friend , Eugenia Gertsyk , ha d bee n permanentl y ensconce d i n Suda k sinc e the spring . At th e en d o f Augus t o r beginnin g o f Septembe r sh e an d Erar skaya lef t thei r apartmen t i n th e car e o f Lipskero v an d hi s brothe r and se t out fo r Sudak . Onc e there , they foun d a place to liv e in th e cottage o f a loca l Greek . Parno k immediatel y relaxe d an d fel t better, gloryin g i n th e marvelou s weathe r an d tranquilit y o f thi s "unforeseen vacation, " a s she put i t to Voloshin. 26 One day , no t lon g afte r th e women' s arrival , ther e wa s a sof t knock a t th e doo r o f thei r cottage . Parno k wa s no t a t home . Erarskaya opene d th e doo r an d sa w a man o f shorte r tha n averag e height. H e ha d glasse s an d "gre y eye s tha t peere d kindl y fro m under hi s gre y hat. " H e introduce d himsel f a s th e compose r Alex ander Spendiarov . Erarskay a aske d hi m t o com e i n an d si t down , and introduce d herself . "I t can' t be! " Spendiaro v exclaime d joy fully. "I' d bee n tol d tha t yo u wer e seriousl y ill , an d I fin d yo u a woman i n th e bloo m o f life ! I' m s o gla d I decide d t o ignor e wha t the docto r said , com e mak e you r acquaintanc e an d invit e yo u t o participate i n a concer t I a m arrangin g a s a benefi t fo r indigen t students a t ou r gymnasium. " Whe n Parno k cam e in , Spendiaro v rose and , comin g ove r t o her , said , "Yo u hav e n o ide a ho w happ y I a m t o mak e you r acquaintance . I t i s my grea t goo d fortun e tha t you happe n t o b e livin g her e i n Suda k precisel y no w whe n I a m thinking o f writin g a n opera. " H e hande d he r a manuscrip t an d followed th e expressio n o n he r fac e a s sh e rea d it . "It' s a ver y interesting theme, " Parno k said . Spendiaro v becam e animated . "I'm s o gla d yo u lik e it , Sophi a Yakovlevna , becaus e I would lik e you t o write a libretto o n tha t theme." 2 7 Parnok bega n wor k o n he r librett o immediately , usin g a s he r source Hovanes s Tumanian' s epi c poem , "Th e Takin g o f Tmu k Fortress." The poem retol d a legend fro m th e lif e o f a n eighteenth century Armenia n princess , Almast , wh o betraye d he r husband , Prince Tatul , t o th e Persian s i n orde r t o satisf y he r politica l ambi -

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tions fo r th e Persia n crown . Sh e hersel f wa s the n tragicall y be trayed b y her lover, the Persian shah , an d execute d fo r treason . Parnok worke d o n he r librett o "wit h enthusiasm, " creatin g it as a lyric-dramati c narrativ e poe m i n it s ow n right . Sh e ofte n recite d parts o f i t a t publi c poetr y readings , bot h i n Suda k an d late r bac k in Moscow . Th e wor k ha d dee p persona l significanc e fo r her , since Erarskay a serve d a s th e inspiratio n fo r Almast , an d Parno k expressed som e o f he r ow n emotiona l experience s i n thei r lov e affair i n th e word s o f Almast' s love r and , particularly , he r hus band. Man y o f Tatul' s enrapture d word s i n prais e o f hi s wife' s beauty an d th e "fragran t darknes s o f [her ] hair " coul d onl y hav e been written , i t has bee n argued , b y someone "wh o ha d burie d he r face i n he r beloved' s hair , inhalin g it s fragrance , an d whos e eye s had bee n covere d b y its abundance." 28 The terribl y col d winte r o f 191 8 gav e wa y t o a sprin g o f esca lated warfare an d almos t dail y changes o f power i n Sudak. Month s after Parno k ha d finished th e librett o o f Almast, Spendiaro v a t las t began writing the music . His work bega n i n earnest that hot , sultr y summer, th e summe r tha t Parno k realize d sh e an d Erarskay a ha d passed a point o f n o retur n i n their relationshi p an d i n their lives : Shade from th e windmill creeps along the vineyard. Mysterious anguish bewitches my heart. Again a dark circle has closed in above me, Oh my tender friend , my implacable one! Cicadas' rasping chirrs fill th e sultry silence. There's no way back for you, me, or us— a hot, languid spirit hovers over the earth . . . Oh, my passionate friend , my insatiable one! (#114)

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Parnok's poems fro m he r years in Sudak, none o f them precisel y dated, provide fleeting glimpses of this emotionally, spiritually, an d creatively significan t perio d i n he r life . In 191 9 sh e publishe d a rather larg e grou p o f lyric s i n a n obscur e almanac . Som e o f thi s group ha d bee n publishe d previously , bu t a fe w o f th e ne w poem s testified t o importan t change s i n he r spiritua l outloo k tha t wer e already underwa y a t the beginnin g of her sojour n i n the Crimea . In th e sprin g o f 191 8 sh e wa s mor e immerse d tha n eve r i n reading Sapph o an d developin g a persona l an d poeti c relationshi p with her . Bein g i n th e Blac k Se a area , th e putativ e homelan d o f the Amazons , stimulate d he r t o remembe r he r ancien t Lesbia n creative roots : Thus, on other shores, by another melodious sea, a millennium later, in just such a young spring, calling to mind her own ancient childhood, a maiden pensively drew her finger over her strings. She feels the breath of Ellada in a breeze from beyon d the sea, a breeze, unsensed by other people, stirs her heart: it seems to the maiden she will dream out your dreams, Sappho, she will finish your songs, which have not reached our ears. (#68) While Parnok wa s discoverin g a poetic sister in Sappho, she was realizing a siste r "b y heavenl y blood " i n Eugenia Gertsyk . Becaus e of he r mournfu l dispositio n an d reclusiveness , Eugenia seeme d lik e a wido w t o Parnok . Mos t important , sh e perceive d Gertsy k a s a "sibyl" wh o prophesied , an d a "godmother " wh o preside d ove r her spiritua l rebirth. 29 Gertsyk's ow n fait h change d a s a direct result of her experience s in Suda k durin g th e Civi l War : "Th e year s o f th e horror s o f war , of persecution s an d hunger , drie d u p my forme r faith , tha t is , al l the moistur e an d sweetnes s wer e steame d ou t o f it." 3 0 Parno k wa s also struc k b y th e Suda k winegrowers ' practic e o f puttin g th e young win e ou t i n th e su n t o quicke n th e agin g proces s tha t pro duced drie r wines, and i t became a personal symbo l o f the spiritua l process sh e underwent durin g he r Suda k years . In one poem, "Int o

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the most savage sun" (#115) , she wrote metaphoricall y o f carryin g her spiritua l sel f (he r youn g wine ) ou t beneat h th e "mos t savage , fire-winged arrows " o f th e sun , an d beggin g it, her "fateful , merci less, intoxicatin g friend, " t o dr y u p he r sweetnes s an d "cleans e [her] spirit with fire." Despite he r impatienc e an d desir e t o ag e spiritually , sh e never , unlike he r sibyl , completel y los t he r sweetness , o r becam e "dry , like ol d wine " (#236) . Sh e als o continue d t o b e drive n b y he r "dominatrix, Fate, " t o recal l anothe r lyri c o f thi s period , "fro m a monk's cel l / straigh t t o a witches ' sabbath, " wher e to o ofte n sh e would hea r i n "th e di n o f debauchery " som e "long-tailed " devi l call her " a loathsom e name " (#124) . Nevertheless, th e Gertsyks ' hous e an d garde n i n Suda k becam e a hallowe d plac e fo r Parnok . Sh e recalled , lyrically , on e magica l evening there, when "suc h tranquillit y [stood ] over " th e assemble d company tha t i t seeme d the y wer e n o longe r sinners , an d " a ligh t blue tabernacl e [had ] covere d everyone. " A "tender , navy-blu e sky" wa s becomin g evenin g a s i t descende d abov e th e garden s "s o that n o on e i n th e worl d migh t b e homeless. " Th e footstep s o f Adelaida's youn g son s coul d b e hear d "rustlin g ove r th e gravel, " Eugenia's "widow' s weed s [swayed ] gentl y i n th e sea-breeze . T o our grea t an d celebrate d infamy, " Parno k concluded , "clearly , Lord, Thou condescendet h wit h love " (#113) . Unconsciously, Parno k stil l sough t t o bridg e th e seemingl y in surmountable distanc e sh e fel t fro m he r father , whic h hi s deat h had intensified . I t wa s importan t t o he r tha t i n he r intimac y wit h Gertsyk, sh e believe d sh e ha d foun d a n earthl y lov e tha t wa s agreeable t o God , and , symbolically , he r father : So softly an d s o wonderfull y the roses have not eve r bloomed : your breat h i s here, and yo u ar e lovel y with al l the earth's sa d loveliness . How softl y ha s the sk y above yo u stretched ou t it s tender covering !

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And the world's first evening wasn't so blissful a s these evenings here . . . And there, above us two, THE STERNEST is trying not to knit His brow, but He and all the lesser godlings, have fallen i n love with our love. (#106) Parnok's relationshi p wit h Gertsy k helpe d th e poe t t o begi n liberating herself fro m th e power o f "th e fearsome tourguide , love " who ha d rule d he r sinc e youth an d ha d disempowere d he r psycho logically while making he r fee l sexuall y powerful. Wit h a little help from he r increasingl y ailin g body , Parno k bega n t o brea k wha t might hav e bee n a n addictio n t o "love. " Th e firs t sign s o f thi s change ca n b e see n i n a n undate d lyri c sh e addresse d t o he r amo rous Memory : No, today I do not want you, Memory, so just hold your tongue, you, vainglorious procuress, don't procure me anyone. Don't seduce me down dark alleys, to the places left behind — to the bold or to the timid lips I've kissed so many times. Sacrilegiously inspired, I have ploughed my heart soil up, rooting out the names of lovers from my sacred calendars. (#104) In a typicall y oxymoroni c metaphor , Parno k compare d th e whorehouse o f he r carna l memor y t o churc h calendar s o f pas t loves, or "saints, " whose feasts sh e celebrated b y worshipping thei r memory. O n th e day in question, however , she rebelled agains t thi s faith and , "committin g sacrilege, " du g dow n t o th e botto m o f he r heart an d tor e ou t al l he r saints ' names , thu s breakin g th e powe r of he r ow n submissio n t o them . Such fit s o f emotiona l iconoclasm , an d th e inne r rag e agains t "love" tha t the y expressed , coul d no t hel p bu t hav e a n effec t

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on he r intimat e relationshi p wit h Erarskaya . Feelin g a t time s lik e "enchanted denizen s o n som e forgotte n island, " th e tw o wome n would si t i n th e moonli t night , watchin g th e "fadin g cloud s drif t through th e dark-blu e fields " a s Erarskaya' s "swarth y han d [would] jus t barel y wav e it s ostrich-feathe r fan. " Parno k memori alized on e such momen t o f boundaryles s intimac y a s she addresse d her beloved : You bend your head toward mine, so we may think a single thought, and the doves coo more tenderly, cradling your languid peace. (#123) At othe r time s the y woul d quarre l violently . Then , Parno k would agai n fee l lik e a homeless travele r cas t int o th e godforsake n midnight, alon e excep t fo r th e moo n flyin g b y ove r he r head , "lik e a ca t dashin g acros s th e road. " Suc h occasion s mad e he r poeti c speaker lon g fo r "nooses , poisons , an d triggers " a s "surer , mor e caustic, and quicke r ways " to en d i t all. She didn't kno w "whethe r to so b o r t o sin g fro m [her ] permanen t anguish, " an d he r hear t had "n o on e to fl y to unde r th e fleeting Octobe r moon! " (#144) . The rif t allude d t o i n thi s poe m appear s t o hav e cause d Parno k and Erarskay a t o separat e fo r awhile . Parno k wen t t o liv e a t th e Gertsyks' wher e Adelaid a assume d a silent , "maternal " guardian ship ove r he r younge r friend' s trouble d lov e life . Addressin g Par nok, Adelaid a wrote : From behind my white shutters, I keep watch over your life, waging a silent struggle with your ancient enemies. I like your voice's undulations, I watch you walking barefoot , drying your auburn hair in the garden beneath my window. I watch the insatiable passion that moves your avid brow.

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Ah, only through m y praye r can your lov e be saved. 31 A yea r ha d passe d sinc e Parno k ha d finished th e librett o fo r Almast, ye t Spendiaro v wa s havin g grea t difficult y makin g progres s with th e score . Th e magnitud e an d genr e o f th e w o r k , bot h ne w t o him, apparentl y daunte d him , an d h e bega n t o lac k confidenc e i n his abilit y t o writ e a n oper a tha t woul d pas s muster . Parno k trie d to encourag e him : Yesterday, th e strain s o f Almasfs musi c reached m e when yo u wer e playing an d singin g downstairs , an d I was ver y sa d tha t I could no t go dow n an d liste n properly . Th e mor e I listen t o Almast, th e mor e it captivate s me . P m ver y sa d tha t there' s n o on e i n Suda k whos e musical judgmen t yo u coul d value . P m sur e tha t i f yo u ha d on e o f your colleague s nearby , yo u woul d immediatel y tak e hear t an d come t o believ e tha t yo u ar e capabl e o f composin g first-rate oper -

atic music.32

Thus bega n Parnok' s long , laboriou s motherin g o f he r an d Spendi arov's "brainchild, " he r "bi g w o r k , " an d poeti c testimon y t o he r love fo r Erarskaya . Lyudmila, sh e felt , ha d alread y take n he r beyon d he r capacit y to love , bu t i n 191 9 sh e bega n makin g a stubbor n effor t t o re awaken he r feelings : Every evenin g now I pray God t o le t me dream o f you : I have loved yo u t o th e poin t where I can n o longe r love . Every da y I walk mysel f past ou r no w deserte d rooms , trying to arous e m y memory , but sh e won't remembe r yo u . . . And I stubbornly repea t you r name again , an d onc e again , softly an d wit h angr y lip s t o try to resurrec t m y love. (#122 )

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Despite th e crisi s i n thei r relationship , Parno k an d Erarskay a were constantl y throw n togethe r throug h thei r share d professiona l and creativ e work . Th e creativ e activit y o f th e Suda k intellectua l community intensifie d i n response t o the chao s o f civi l war, chang ing governments , an d eve n famine . Man y year s later , Parno k re called "th e production s [they ] mounte d i n Suda k whe n th e Crime a was cu t of f fro m Russi a an d Suda k le d a detached , bu t ver y cre ative life , [whe n they ] ha d t o creat e everythin g [them]selves , with out an y outsid e resource s a t [their ] disposal , when i n order t o hav e sets an d costume s [they ] wer e force d t o be g furnitur e an d clothe s from kindhearte d acquaintances." 33 Everyone participate d i n th e semiprofessiona l productions . A n all-arts spectacle in September feature d song s sung by the Gertsyks ' cook; Beethoven sonata s played b y a professional pianist ; Parnok' s sprechgesang recitatio n t o on e o f Spendiarov' s songs ; th e perfor mance o f a scen e fro m Gogol' s Inspector General; an d musi c from Almast. Late r i n th e fal l Spendiaro v arrange d a n Evening for Children fo r whic h Parno k wrot e a vers e play , an d h e compose d the music . Unfortunately, th e composer' s philanthropi c activitie s too k pre cious tim e awa y fro m hi s work o n th e opera , an d despit e Parnok' s efforts t o spee d thing s up , the pac e of compositio n becam e agoniz ingly slow . Erarskay a recalle d th e followin g conversatio n fro m th e summer o f 1919 : Once w e wer e comin g fro m th e pos t offic e an d suddenl y spotte d Alexander Afanasyevic h walkin g i n hast e towar d th e town . H e became embarrasse d whe n h e sa w u s an d aske d ver y gaily : "An d where might you be coming from?" Sophi a Yakovlevn a pointe d t o the post office an d said, "We're coming from there, but where might you b e coming from ? I thought yo u gav e me your wor d yesterda y that yo u wer e goin g t o sta y hom e i n th e morning s an d work? " Alexander Afanasyevic h gav e Sophi a Yakovlevn a a seriou s look , slowly drew a notebook ou t of his side pocket, and read a long list of "urgen t matters " tha t h e sai d require d hi s attentio n befor e h e could si t dow n t o wor k wit h a clea r conscience . H e ha d t o hel p

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a wido w wit h man y childre n t o bu y a cow , visi t a sic k pupil , etc., etc.34 At th e tim e Erarskay a an d Parno k wer e apparentl y livin g to gether again , but a great dea l o f ambivalenc e remaine d beneat h th e calm surfac e o f thei r relationship , a s revealed i n Parnok' s las t lyri c of tha t year , written o n Decembe r 24 : If you should cry out in your sleep, and your voice should begin to sound angry, I'll gently take hold of your finge r and whisper, "Come, talk about me, just tell me, my love, how you love me, just tell me, my dove, how you touch me." And doors which were shut until then will burst terrifyingly open , the pain lying hidden and dormant will gush in a torrent of words, and your heart as it weeps will be shaken at the furiousness o f its hatred. (#146 ) Erarskaya becam e a membe r o f th e secretaria t o f th e Feodosi a Art Workers' Unio n whil e continuin g t o work, alon g with Parnok , in th e Suda k offic e o f th e ministr y o f education . A s hea d o f th e theater sectio n there , Erarskay a organize d play s an d concert s fo r the local proletariat . Fighting intensifie d i n th e tow n durin g th e first hal f o f th e year , but despit e th e har d time s Parno k an d Spendiaro v continue d thei r work o n Almast. "The y ofte n worke d a t ou r place, " Erarskay a recalled. "Spendiaro v woul d com e ove r whe n w e wer e ou t o n th e terrace, settl e himsel f o n th e sofa , and , withou t takin g hi s eye s from th e vie w o f th e evenin g landscape , woul d say , a broa d smil e on hi s face , 'Well , then , Sophi a Yakovlevna , let' s ge t dow n t o ou r two tasks : working, an d admirin g th e sunset.' " 3 5 A summer o f drough t create d foo d shortage s al l ove r th e coun try, whic h wa s i n th e las t throe s o f th e Civi l War . T o comba t th e economic crisis , Leni n introduce d th e Ne w Economi c Policy , o r

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NEP, a retur n t o limite d privat e enterpris e an d capitalism . Th e benefits o f NE P di d no t reac h Sudak , however , i n larg e par t be cause fighting towar d th e end of th e war was fiercest in the Crimea , the bas e of th e last of th e White armie s t o b e defeated . Even the special rations with whic h civi l servants were paid (an d which ha d lon g sinc e replace d mone y i n th e country ) coul d no t guarantee surviva l whe n foo d disappeare d fro m th e store s an d the surroundin g countryside . Parno k recalle d i n a poem , "Kitche n Garden" (#110) , writte n fou r year s later , ho w stubbornl y sh e worked t o mak e a vegetabl e garde n gro w fro m th e "dry , scabby , saline soil, " ful l o f "twisted , writhe n root s o f vine s tha t onc e ha d flourished [there]. " Th e sol e o f he r foo t bega n t o blee d fro m lean ing o n th e shovel , he r hands , unaccustome d t o physica l labor , became re d an d calloused . I t seeme d t o he r tha t th e earth , lik e a recalcitrant woma n lover , "pu t u p quit e a fight agains t [her ] an d resisted [her ] with a kind o f ancien t vengefulness. " Bu t she vowed , characteristically, "t o outstubbor n [her ] stubbornness. " A s sh e bent ove r he r pick , sh e dreame d o f th e "sprightl y peas, " "hig h stalks o f corn, " "monstrous , big-bellie d pumpkin s wit h Gorgo n tresses," an d th e "firs t sprin g cucumber " tha t woul d emerg e fro m her garden : The sharp fang of my pick shone in the sun, around me clumps of earth bobbed up and crumbled, a Seabreeze blew, the sweat ran down my back and cooled, an ice-cold, slender little snake— and never had the sweet bliss of possession burned through me with such piercing pride and unbeclouded fullness. (#110 ) Such moment s mad e th e Suda k year s specia l fo r Parno k an d he r cosurvivors. A s Eugeni a Gertsy k late r wrote , "An d thos e year s i n all their difficult y an d joylessnes s were so significant inwardly , tha t I would no t refus e [t o relive ] them . Bot h th e joy s an d th e pain—i t was al l th e mos t rea l thing , an d no t words , words , a s i t ha d ofte n been before." 36

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During th e summe r Erarskay a an d Spendiaro v organize d a Grand Evenin g of the Arts to benefit th e Sudak Public High School . Parnok rea d thre e o f he r gyps y poems ; Erarskay a performe d th e title role in a n "orienta l drama " tha t Eugeni a Gertsy k ha d written , and als o directe d an d choreographe d a performance o f th e orienta l dance an d choru s fro m Borodin' s oper a Prince Igor. In September , th e critica l momen t i n th e fighting fo r Suda k arrived. Th e nigh t befor e th e final battles , Erarskaya acte d th e lea d in a pla y a t a restauran t i n tow n fo r a n audienc e tha t include d many officer s o n leav e fro m th e front . "Th e nex t day, " Marin a Spendiarova recalled , "ther e were pitched battle s in Sudak betwee n the White s an d combine d Red s an d Greens . I recognize d amon g the corpse s lef t afte r th e fighting thos e o f officer s wh o ha d bee n a t the performanc e th e previou s evening . Fightin g too k plac e i n ou r garden too . Spendiaro v woul d locat e 'saf e zones ' (fro m th e bullet s coming throug h th e windows ) an d hid e th e whol e famil y i n them." 3 7 By November , Britis h an d Frenc h ship s wer e evacuatin g 100,000 militar y an d civilia n opponent s o f th e Sovie t regim e fro m the Crimea . O n Novembe r 1 4 th e Re d arm y occupie d Feodosia , and b y Decembe r th e White armie s i n the sout h o f Russi a wer e defeated. That winte r bot h Adelaid a Gertsy k an d Parno k wer e arrested , together wit h mos t Crimea n intellectual s wh o ha d no t activel y supported th e Reds. Gertsyk spen t a month o r more "in the cellar, " as sh e referre d i n he r fictionalized memoir s t o th e basemen t o f th e building i n Suda k wher e sh e an d other s wer e held . Th e date s o f Parnok's arres t an d imprisonmen t ar e unknown , bu t sh e wa s re leased b y the end o f March. 38 O n the twenty-third she , Spendiarov, Erarskaya, an d Butkova , a n actres s fro m th e Bolsho i Theater , wrote a join t lette r t o th e write r Maxi m Gork y (wh o wa s clos e t o Lenin an d enjoye d hi s confidence ) i n whic h the y "urgentl y re quested" hi m t o assis t i n creatin g condition s i n Suda k favorabl e t o "peaceful work." 3 9

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Shortly afte r this , Spendiaro v wa s arrested . Accordin g t o hi s daughter, th e townspeopl e stage d a protes t demonstratio n a t th e jail, threatenin g t o brea k i t dow n i f th e compose r wer e no t re leased. Whe n sh e wen t t o delive r a messag e t o he r father , sh e wa s told b y th e trad e unio n secretar y tha t th e worker s ha d decide d "to sen d a telegra m t o Leni n requestin g hi m personall y t o hav e Spendiarov released." 40 Parno k joine d hi s famil y i n welcomin g him hom e when h e got ou t o f jai l on Apri l 10 . In th e sprin g Parno k wa s i n a trai n acciden t an d escape d deat h by a quir k o f fate . Befor e th e trai n departed , sh e aske d th e ma n who wa s sittin g opposit e he r t o chang e place s s o tha t sh e woul d not hav e t o rid e backwards . H e wa s happ y t o oblige . Whe n th e train crashed , h e wa s killed , wherea s sh e escape d withou t a scratch. Thi s tormente d he r fo r th e res t o f he r life , an d sh e did no t like to remembe r it. 41 Unfortunately , n o detail s o f th e acciden t ar e known, an d eve n th e tim e when i t occurre d i s a matter o f surmise . Certainly i t wa s a n even t i n Parnok' s lif e tha t contribute d t o th e poet's inveterat e fatalis m an d confirme d he r perceptio n o f fat e a s an all-powerful , incomprehensible , ofte n malevolen t an d capri cious force . Th e trai n acciden t ma y als o hav e enhance d Parnok' s sense o f havin g bee n marke d someho w fo r a specia l destiny , ye t a destiny tha t sh e coul d no t understand . Finally , lik e many Russian s of he r generatio n an d Russophil e bent , Parno k expresse d negativ e feelings abou t trains . In on e poem , "Nobod y eve r ha s anything " (#148), th e speake r identifie s speeding , "firebreathin g trains " whose "iro n rapi d patter " beat s "i n tim e wit h th e tachycardi a o f the world" a s harbingers o f th e apocalypse . The deprivation s o f th e wa r an d he r brie f imprisonmen t ha d taken thei r toll on Parnok' s alread y poor health , an d sh e develope d tuberculosis. Throug h hi s massiv e networ k o f friends , Voloshi n managed t o find job s fo r bot h he r an d Erarskay a i n Simferopol , but i n mid-May Parno k wrot e hi m tha t sh e was too il l to mak e th e move an d di d no t thin k sh e ha d th e stamin a t o liv e i n th e city , given "th e curren t leve l o f nutrition. " Sh e thanke d hi m fo r hi s

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"genuinely comradel y regard " an d added , "I'v e alread y mad e u p my mind t o di e in Sudak . Lyudmil a Vladimirovn a als o thanks you , but he r healt h prohibit s he r fro m leavin g Sudak too." 4 2 Conditions i n th e are a worsened . Th e secon d summe r drough t in a row brough t famin e i n it s wake, an d starvatio n threatene d th e whole Crime a i n th e comin g winter . Mosco w colleague s an d friends o f th e Crimea n writer s initiate d relie f effort s i n their behalf . In lat e November , Tsvetaeva , wh o ha d spen t th e Civi l Wa r i n Moscow alon e wit h he r daughter , reporte d t o Voloshi n tha t sh e and Volkenshtei n ha d writte n t o th e commissa r o f educatio n i n a n attempt t o ge t specia l foo d parcel s fo r thei r Crimea n friends . A s was he r habit , Tsvetaev a describe d th e scen e o f writin g th e lette r dramatically, i n telegraphi c phrases : " V [olkenshtein ] promptin g me ove r m y shoulder . I' m i n a ba d mood . 'Sonya ! Don' t forge t Sony a!' h e whispers . I reply: 'Dammit ! Ma x i s mor e importan t t o me!' 'Bu t S[ophia ] Ya[kovlevna ] i s a woman an d my forme r wife. ' 'But Ma x i s als o a woma n an d my actua l (presen t indicative ) friend.' " 4 3 Tsvetaev a ende d u p writin g o n everyone' s behalf , on e letter fo r th e Sudak writers , an d on e fo r thos e in Koktebel . Parnok an d Erarskay a ha d alread y realize d tha t the y woul d no t be abl e t o surviv e th e winte r i n Sudak , an d the y decide d t o retur n to Moscow , althoug h th e tri p bac k wa s daunting . Train s wer e impossibly overcrowded , an d trave l wa s no t onl y expensive , bu t dirty an d dangerous , especiall y fo r unaccompanie d women . The y first wen t t o Feodosia , th e neares t urba n center , wher e Marin a Spendiarova sai d good-by e t o the m a t th e en d o f Novembe r 1 9 21, and remaine d ther e until , wit h Voloshin' s help , the y receive d saf e conducts t o travel o n a special hospita l trai n t o Moscow . En rout e t o th e capital , Parno k wrot e Spendiaro v a lon g lette r filled wit h advic e abou t th e part s o f Almast tha t remaine d unfin ished. Th e compose r greatl y regrette d tha t h e had no t manage d t o complete th e oper a befor e hi s librettis t an d collaborato r left . H e often neede d t o consul t wit h he r an d kne w h e woul d fee l he r

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absence eve n "mor e intensel y whe n composin g th e musica l inter lude an d th e fourt h act." 4 4 Parnok reache d Mosco w i n January . Sh e wa s assiste d b y th e poet Vladimi r Mayakovsk y i n becomin g a membe r o f th e Writers ' Union an d gettin g a room . I t wa s locate d o n Fourt h Tverskay a Yamskaya Stree t i n the hear t o f wha t ha d bee n Moscow' s re d ligh t district. Durin g he r first month s bac k i n th e city , sh e dedicate d herself t o raisin g mone y fo r th e friend s sh e ha d lef t behin d i n Sudak whos e pligh t ha d becom e dire . A t th e en d o f January , Spendiarov wrot e tha t h e an d hi s famil y continue d t o b e plague d by robberies , almos t al l thei r chicken s ha d bee n stolen , an d lock s were no longer a deterrent t o thieves. In view of not havin g enoug h to ea t himsel f an d no t bein g abl e t o hel p anyon e ou t wit h food , h e was very upset abou t th e "intens e hunger o f severa l friends an d th e death fro m starvatio n o f severa l Suda k inhabitants." 45 Hi s famil y was helping the Gertsyk s an d other s a s much a s they could . Parnok cam e u p wit h th e ide a o f writin g courtl y sonnet s t o th e hostesses of various Moscow literar y salon s i n return fo r donation s of mone y fo r he r Crimea n friends . " I couldn' t writ e a lin e t o ge t something fo r myself, " sh e wrot e t o Voloshin , "bu t i n thi s case , I seem abl e t o bak e sonnet s fro m daw n t o dusk . Unfortunately , no t everyone has a weakness fo r them." 4 6 One o f th e peopl e wh o di d hav e a tast e fo r Parnok' s sonnet s was Eudoxi a Nikitina , th e founde r o f on e o f Moscow' s bigges t poetry circles , th e Nikitin a Saturdays . Parno k describe d he r a s " a young, health y woma n wit h a turned-u p nose , rudd y complexio n and shor t haircut , a swel l coachma n wh o drive s wit h swagge r a whole tea m o f literar y horse s o f th e mos t divers e breeds . He r ambition i s a salon an d indeed , she has enough will to have one." 4 7 Parnok wrot e a sonne t (#105 ) i n hono r o f Nikitina' s birthda y on Januar y 31 . "Wit h thi s piec e o f flatter y I mad e a conques t o f the dea r coachman, " sh e reporte d t o Voloshin . Nikitin a agree d t o organize a Tauride Evening ' fo r th e benefit o f the Crimean writers .

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It raise d 1 4 millio n rouble s i n th e highl y inflate d currenc y o f th e time. "That means, " Parnok joked , " I earne d a million per line , an honorarium heretofor e unknow n eve n i n Soviet Russia!" 48 After bein g il l fo r muc h o f February , sh e redouble d he r effort s on behal f o f he r Suda k friends , an d finally succeede d i n obtainin g free transportatio n t o Mosco w i n a hospita l trai n fo r th e whol e Gertsyk family , Butkova , an d Butkova' s mother . In addition , sh e buttonholed a colleagu e a t on e o f th e Nikitin a Saturday s an d badgered hi m unti l h e swor e "o n hi s life " tha t h e woul d ge t aca demic ratio n card s fo r everyone . Parno k di d no t kno w whethe r t o trust i n thi s promis e o r not . A t th e beginnin g o f Apri l sh e wrot e to Voloshin : I don't want to lull myself with hope and am continuing to act here on m y own— I a m collectin g mone y an d wil l b e sendin g i t vi a messengers althoug h I realize how worthless th e sum s are. Thanks to th e million [yo u have already bee n sent] , I now fee l a t peace on your account , a t leas t a s fa r a s mone y i s concerned . I would fee l okay abou t th e Gertsyk s to o i f ther e wer e fewe r o f the m becaus e they hav e man y goo d friends ; Eugeni a Butkov a worrie s m e th e most—due t o thei r insufferabl e personalities , sh e an d he r mothe r have contrive d t o liv e i n th e worl d a s i f i t wer e a n uninhabite d island, an d I' m th e onl y perso n o n eart h wh o feel s sorr y fo r the m and worries about their fate. 49 As soo n a s Parno k ha d arrive d i n Moscow , sh e wen t t o se e th e editor o f Campfire s Pres s an d submitte d o n Voloshin' s behal f th e manuscript o f hi s poeti c cycl e "Th e Burnin g Bush, " whic h deal t with th e Revolutio n i n unabashedl y religiou s terms . Lik e othe r editors sh e ha d approached , thi s on e rejecte d Voloshin' s wor k because o f it s religiou s contents , bu t h e agree d t o includ e excerpt s from th e cycl e in a n almana c he was publishing. H e als o offered t o publish a boo k tha t Parno k ha d pu t togethe r o f he r poem s fro m the period 191 6 to 1921 . She lef t hi m th e manuscrip t an d bega n droppin g b y th e offic e regularly i n th e hope s o f learnin g it s fate . Th e edito r wa s neve r i n

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during hi s offic e hours , an d th e secretar y kep t urgin g he r t o com e again. B y the n sh e ha d see n tw o volume s publishe d b y Campfire s and foun d the m "sloppy , tasteless , terribl y dilettantish! " Sh e be came angr y a t th e futilit y o f runnin g t o th e Campfire s offic e fo r nothing. Finall y sh e requeste d paymen t o f th e seve n millio n the y owed he r i n on e lum p su m rathe r tha n installments , an d wa s tol d that i f sh e wanted a lum p su m payment , sh e woul d hav e t o lowe r her fee . Sh e riposte d tha t ther e wa s nothin g t o lowe r he r fe e to , took bac k he r manuscript , an d sol d i t t o anothe r pres s tha t sh e considered a sligh t improvemen t ove r Campfire s because , sh e wrote Voloshin , i t publishe d "wit h lov e an d al l th e 'luxury ' tha t can b e had i n Moscow nowadays." 5 0 All throug h th e sprin g an d summe r Parno k wa s writin g poem s that woul d for m a ne w volume , The Vine. Sh e als o wrot e a n important critica l article , "Day s o f th e Russia n Lyric, " tha t ap peared i n th e secon d issu e o f th e almana c Dogrose (1922) . Th e article treate d book s o f vers e b y Akhmatova , Khodasevich , Solo gub, and Bryusov , but mor e importantly, i t gave Parnok the oppor tunity t o expres s he r view s o n th e relationshi p betwee n ma n an d God an d o n th e religiou s significanc e o f th e 191 7 Revolution . Th e article bega n wit h Parnok' s vie w o f huma n being s a s eterna l debt ors before God : The creativ e wor k o f al l humankin d i n al l area s o f th e spiri t ha s been, is , an d wil l b e th e repaymen t o f tha t deb t obligation . Th e worldwide, national, and individual worth of a person is determined on the scales of eternity by the degree of his or her spiritual capacity to pay. The God-Son redeeme d th e debt o f a n entire nation. Every spiritually alive person is duty-bound, to the limit of his capacity, to pay God back for what he has been given by Him.51 One canno t hel p bu t b e struc k b y Parnok' s obsessio n wit h indebtedness a s the essenc e o f th e huma n conditio n an d th e mean ing of creativity , a s well a s her conceptio n o f a n individual' s lif e a s an off-stag e pla y fo r a n audienc e o f one , Go d th e Father . In he r view, those wh o ha d experience d an d survive d th e Revolutio n ha d

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been give n "ne w credit " wit h Go d an d ne w indebtednes s t o Him . The articl e conclude d wit h th e poet' s thought s o n wha t insure d God's justificatio n fo r th e word: "(i ) whe n th e word i s uttered no t before people , bu t befor e God" ; "an d (2 ) when i t i s uttered a t th e last moment. " God wa s als o the focu s o f two poems o f Parnok' s tha t appeare d in 1922 , in Lyrical Circle. In on e o f them , late r republishe d i n The Vine, th e poeti c speake r expresse d he r yearnin g fo r face-to-fac e communication wit h God : The Lord has not heeded my yearning, has not delighted me with coldness, has not led my exhausted flesh out of the circle of flame. And people drink of my lips though their last heat is not yet drunk. Like centuries-old mead, my blood is thick— oh, my sultry captivity! My Egypt! . . . But I dream, from hollo w depths arises a light-blue stream, and Pm borne aloft, an d there alone I am face to face with Thee. (#94) The secon d stanz a o f thi s poe m ma y allud e t o th e beginnin g o f a ne w lov e affai r sometim e i n th e sprin g o r earl y summe r o f 1922 , a love that happene d despit e Parnok's "exhauste d flesh " an d desir e for "coldness. " By the beginning of the following yea r an d possibl y before, th e poe t wa s livin g wit h a ne w femal e companion , whos e identity, unfortunately , remain s unknown. 52 The othe r religiou s poe m fro m th e Lyrical Circle group (#107 ) also ha d a n Ol d Testamen t context . I n i t Parno k reimagine d "youthful Jehovah " a t th e momen t whe n "Ev e ha d onl y jus t fallen," he r "depth s foamin g wit h seed, " an d "th e world wa s God , and Go d wa s passion. " He wore [it] out with His jealousy, pouring fire straight into the blood . . .

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Israel, can you really have drunken up all of the Lord's first love? (#107 ) The Go d o f Parnok' s lyric s i s th e Ol d Testamen t Jehovah , jeal ous, stern , passionate , an d fiery, a Creato r whos e nostril s ar e pleased b y the smoke o f hi s people's sacrifice s t o Him (#131) . Go d "remembers" th e poet twice . First, He make s her awar e o f Hi m b y lighting th e divin e spar k i n he r sou l an d causin g he r t o find a spiritual guid e (possibly , Eugeni a Gertsyk ) i n who m sh e wil l b e reborn. For long I lived in love with liberty, with no more thought of God than has a bird, directing my flight merely for the sake of flight . And the Lord remembered me—and so, like heat lightning, the soul in me was sparked, everything lit up. And I found you , to die in you and to be born again for other days and for other heights. (#120) Second, Go d conferre d upo n th e poe t th e power o f naming , whic h formerly sh e ha d abuse d b y writin g dead , rathe r tha n living , words: The Lord has made note of me too, I dream of mysterious sounds: for names I do not search in books, I carry my calendars in me. I baptize in a sacred font , —the one I had hurt with a nickname, I haven't endeavored to try gold locks with a burglar's lockpick. My world may be sparsely settled, but I have my godchildren with me, and in the eternity of names the name I have given blossoms. (#96) The powe r t o nam e wa s grante d t o Parnok' s poeti c speake r b y the Creator , bu t accordin g t o he r ow n creativ e cosmogony , tha t

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power originate d i n he r persona l intimac y wit h Anguish , th e pri meval femal e elemen t tha t wa s i n natur e befor e Go d create d th e world an d ha d inspire d Sabaot h t o Hi s ow n creativ e ac t (#80) . I n another lyri c fro m thi s time , Parnok' s poeti c speake r portraye d herself a s ful l t o burstin g wit h th e waters o f anguis h tha t ha d bee n dammed u p for centuries : Oh, the unconquerable heaviness of these waters silenced behind centuries-old dams! Oh Lord! Still the same for me, hard for me, with my heart full to overflowing, with a muse who's untalkative. (#108 ) Trying t o resurfac e i n th e mainstrea m o f Russia n poetry , whic h was n o les s patriarcha l an d homophobi c tha n i t ha d bee n befor e the revolution , Parno k fel t lik e a pregnant woma n wit h he r water s just abou t t o break . He r hear t wa s filled to th e bri m wit h woman identified experience , bot h he r ow n an d he r Amazo n race's , bu t her mus e remained "untalkative. " By th e beginnin g o f Augus t sh e ha d ha d he r first experienc e o f the ne w crackdow n o n religion , whic h mandate d first o f al l tha t the wor d "God " b e decapitalized . Whe n th e proof s o f he r articl e "Days o f th e Russia n Lyric " cam e bac k wit h thi s change , sh e assiduously restore d eac h capita l "G. " Whe n Gosizda t (th e Stat e Publishing House ) offere d t o publis h he r boo k Centuries-Old Mead, sh e wa s throw n int o a quandary : o n on e hand , sh e desper ately neede d th e mone y fro m th e sal e o f th e boo k (th e Stat e Pub lishing Hous e pai d significantl y mor e tha n private , cooperativ e presses), bu t o n th e other , sh e coul d no t stan d th e though t o f "god" i n he r boo k instea d o f God . Sh e di d finally sig n a contrac t with Gosizdat , bu t he r boo k neve r appeared . Th e censo r obviousl y realized tha t it s religiou s content s wen t deepe r tha n spellin g con ventions alone . The nee d fo r mone y force d he r t o retur n t o offic e work , whic h left he r "totall y exhausted. " Sh e felt alienate d fro m Mosco w liter -

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ary lif e an d hur t b y th e lac k o f interes t i n he r work . "Dea r Maxi milian Alexandrovich, " sh e wrot e t o Voloshi n o n Augus t 3 , "yo u can't imagin e ho w I value you r fondnes s fo r m y poems , especiall y now whe n nobod y ha s an y interes t i n them . . . . Literary Moscow , like any Moscow , i s hateful t o m e at th e moment, an d my life her e has n o purpos e a s fa r a s I' m concerned . Wha t pleasur e i t woul d give m e t o exchang e Mosco w fo r Feodosi a i f I coul d onl y b e guaranteed a salary t o suppor t mysel f there." 5 3 A mont h late r he r situatio n an d moo d ha d worsened . "Lif e i n Moscow i s incredibl y har d an d I don' t kno w whethe r I'l l b e abl e to struggl e fo r existenc e lik e this fo r long . I' m tire d an d everythin g has becom e loathsom e t o m e t o th e nt h degree . I f I were guaran teed a salar y i n Feodosi a tha t I could liv e on , I would leav e Mos cow without a moment's thought." 5 4 By early September sh e had finished al l the poems that would g o into The Vine. Sh e gav e th e noteboo k containin g the m an d every thing els e she had selecte d fo r publicatio n fro m 191 6 to Septembe r 11, 1922 , t o Gertsyk , wh o wa s returnin g t o Suda k afte r spendin g six months i n the north . About a mont h later , Valenti n Parnak h returne d t o Russi a an d Moscow afte r a n absenc e o f seve n years . The pogrom s durin g th e Civil Wa r ha d confirme d hi s wors t fear s abou t th e Bolsheviks ' attitude t o Jews , an d h e stil l ha d no t forgotte n th e anti-Semitis m that ha d greete d hi m i n Russi a upo n hi s retur n fro m Palestin e i n 1914. Nevertheless , i n hi s self-impose d Parisia n exile , h e ha d be come homesick , especiall y fo r Taganrog , "whos e whitenes s ha d li t up [his ] childhood." 55 Parnakh's retur n initiate d a minor cultura l revolutio n i n the ne w Soviet capital , sinc e h e brough t fro m Pari s a suitcas e ful l o f jaz z instruments, includin g a saxophone , whic h ha d previousl y bee n unknown i n Russia . Durin g hi s Pari s years , h e ha d develope d a passio n fo r African-America n jaz z tha t wa s a s fanati c a s hi s Zionist ardor . In thei r musicality , Valenti n an d hi s siste r als o turne d ou t t o

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be perfec t Dostoevskia n doubles . Parnak h onc e wrot e tha t "th e substance o f musi c attack s a huma n being , rise s t o hi s throa t an d overwhelms hi m wit h horror," 5 6 an d hi s olde r siste r describe d music's effec t o n he r sou l similarl y a s " a sens e o f unbearabl e fullness" an d "horro r o f swee t bliss" (#78) . But while Sonya love d Beethoven an d th e Romanti c composer s o f German-dominate d nineteenth-century wester n music , Valy a "wa s no t possesse d b y the Beethovens , o r th e Bachs , or th e Chopins , Liszts , or Wagners. " He "love d th e anima l plain t o f th e East , it s intermitten t singin g that vomit s anguish , savin g a poo r huma n creatur e fro m hi s misery." 57 In March , Valenti n ha d inscribe d a cop y o f hi s firs t book , Simoon, whic h ha d com e out i n Paris in 1919 , "to dea r Sonya . Th e author's firs t book. " Th e gestur e ma y hav e signalle d hi s desir e fo r renewed contact . Bu t detail s o f thei r relationshi p afte r 191 5 ar e scarce an d vague . Howeve r Parno k fel t towar d he r brothe r afte r his homecomin g (whic h ironicall y coincide d wit h he r own) , sh e apparently di d no t tr y t o se e a grea t dea l o f hi m i n th e thre e year s he lived in Moscow befor e leavin g again i n 1925 . They must have been awar e o f eac h other' s presence a t the sam e gatherings, however. I n late 192 2 Liz a brough t he r twin brothe r t o one o f Nikitina' s Saturdays . Parnak h ha d alread y becom e some thing o f a celebrit y fo r hi s jaz z dances , an d whe n Volkenshtei n spotted hi m i n the audience , he passed a note t o Nikitina : "Yeliza veta Yakovlevn a ha s com e wit h he r brothe r (an d Sophi a Yakov levna's), Valenti n Parnakh . As k hi m t o rea d hi s poems! " Nikitin a scribbled o n th e bac k o f th e not e i n response : "H e look s lik e a n idiot. I' d rathe r h e did a jazz dance, his specialty." 58 Parnok's mus e fel l silen t afte r th e creativ e surg e tha t produce d The Vine. Th e publicatio n o f Roses of Pieria in Septembe r (1922 ) brought he r n o joy . Th e poem s i n i t no w lef t he r cold , sh e con fessed t o Gertsyk, 59 an d i t annoye d he r tha t he r anthologica l vol ume ha d com e ou t befor e he r othe r two . "Afte r a six-yea r hiatu s

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(and suc h a storm y one!), " sh e wrot e t o Voloshin , "thi s smal l anthological collectio n look s someho w 'to o esthetic ' an d tha t up sets me very much." 6 0 She had alread y parte d emotionall y an d creativel y fro m Sappho , whose presenc e dominate s Roses of Pieria. Sappho' s eterna l bu t bookish "roses " had bee n replace d i n Parnok' s affection s b y Eugenia Gertsy k an d th e grapevine s o f Suda k tha t inspire d The Vine. Yet thes e tw o volume s ar e intricatel y interconnecte d i n Parnok' s creative life . The y bot h emerge d fro m he r Suda k renaissance , an d they bot h tel l a grea t dea l abou t he r evolutio n a s a poe t ove r th e six turbulen t year s tha t separate d the m fro m he r firs t book . Roses represented a loo k bac k o n tha t experience , whil e The Vine re vealed wha t Parno k too k fro m i t for th e future . Parnok wa s to o dismissiv e o f he r Sapphi c poems . Fa r fro m bein g merely aestheti c exercises , the y represente d a uniqu e contributio n to th e Sapph o traditio n i n Russia n poetry , a traditio n tha t ha d begun i n th e mid-eighteent h centur y whe n Sappho' s tw o survivin g poems wer e first translate d fro m th e origina l Gree k int o Russia n prose. During the first thir d o f th e nineteent h century , the first Russia n Sapphic imitation s an d fictions appeared , ofte n translate d fro m French. Sappho' s popularit y i n Russi a a t thi s tim e reflecte d th e classical an d Grecophil e taste s o f Napoleoni c Europ e i n genera l and Tsa r Alexande r I i n particular , an d ma y als o hav e bee n con nected wit h th e emergenc e o f Russia n wome n poets , of who m tw o were calle d "th e Russia n Sappho " b y thei r mal e contemporaries . As i n wester n Europ e a t tha t time , Sapph o wa s considere d a het erosexual poet. 61 The secon d Russia n vogu e fo r Sapph o bega n aroun d 189 0 an d did hav e demonstrabl e tie s wit h th e Russia n women' s liberatio n movement a s well a s th e vastl y increase d presenc e o f wome n writ ers i n Russia . On e ambiguou s an d humorou s indicatio n o f thi s

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connection wa s expresse d i n a n epigra m b y th e philosophe r an d symbolist poe t Vladimi r Solovyov : "Th e solutio n o f th e woma n question / will, truly, com e to us from Lesbos." 62 The decaden t cultur e o f th e nineties , whe n Parno k wa s a t th e gymnasium, haile d a ne w Russia n Sappho , Mirr a Lokhvitskaya. 63 Like th e ol d Russia n Sapphos , sh e lacke d authorit y o r desir e t o name herself, a s the origina l Sapph o o f Lesbo s had, o r to empowe r herself creativel y i n Sappho' s nam e th e wa y wester n lesbia n poet s of th e tim e wer e doing . Lokhvitskay a di d no t receiv e he r epithe t because of her lesbian preference o r her personal poetic associatio n with Sappho , abou t who m sh e wrot e onl y a handfu l o f imitativ e anthological poems . She acquired he r Sapphi c notoriety fo r th e ol d reason tha t sh e wa s a femal e poet , an d fo r a ne w Silve r Ag e reason—she wrot e unabashedl y eroti c lyric s tha t shocke d th e bourgeoisie an d wer e perceived b y some of the intelligentsia "a s a n attempt t o us e th e poeti c wor d t o stan d u p fo r a woman's righ t t o her ow n feeling , he r ow n voice , no t onl y i n literature , bu t i n society." 64 Ye t Lokhvitskaya' s allegedl y ow n femal e voic e ironi cally wa s calle d "masculine " becaus e i t san g o f "physiological " love—sexual rathe r tha n spiritual . Lokhvitskaya's Sapphi c persona , th e woma n poe t burnin g wit h strong, "masculine, " heterosexua l desire , produce d a seemingl y endless strea m o f imitators , bot h mal e an d female , an d soo n be came a cliche . I n th e first decad e o f th e twentiet h centur y Sapphi c doggerel filled th e page s o f Russia n provincia l journals , focusin g apparently inexhaustibl e attentio n o n Sappho' s legendar y suicid e from unrequite d lov e fo r th e youn g boatman , Phaon . B y contrast , fin de siecle Sapphic fictions i n the West were assertin g a homosex ual Sapph o bot h a s a cultura l mode l o f decaden t modernis m and , in th e wor k o f som e poet s lik e Rene e Vivie n an d Natali e Barney , the original , woman-identifie d poet . Bu t Russia n Silve r Ag e Sap phic fictions, outsid e o f Parnok's , remaine d virtuall y silen t o n th e subject o f lesbian love. 65 This silence can b e attributed largel y to two things : the culture' s

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adoration o f poet s a s quasidivin e lover s o f th e Word wh o mus t b e above suc h lowly , huma n (physical ) activitie s a s sex ; an d th e in fluence o f Russia n philologists , whos e vie w o f Sapph o too k shap e in th e mid-nineteent h centur y an d dre w heavil y o n th e theorie s o f the eminen t Germa n Hellenists , Johan n Gottlie b Welcke r an d Ul rich vo n Wilamowitz-Moellendorff . Thei r authorit y o n Sapph o remained unquestione d wel l int o th e twentiet h centur y i n Europe , and hold s swa y eve n now i n Russia . Welcker's influentia l wor k o n Sapph o was , ironically , no t s o focused o n he r a s on th e issu e of Gree k (platonic ) mal e homosexu ality an d it s statu s a s a mora l idea l crucia l t o th e buildin g o f nation states . Fo r Welcker , Sapph o wa s th e spokeswoma n fo r th e companion idea l o f femal e platoni c ero s an d chastity. 66 Wilamo witz rearticulate d th e theor y o f Sapphi c chastit y a t th e tur n o f th e twentieth centur y i n a n effor t t o defen d Sapph o fro m th e decaden t French poet s wh o asserte d an d (i n his opinion ) abuse d he r sexual ity. H e develope d th e hypothesi s tha t Sapph o wa s th e leade r o f a religious communit y an d schoo l fo r girl s an d tha t he r relation s with th e youn g women i n her fragment s containe d nothin g sexual , but reflected he r specia l pedagogical an d spiritua l role in their lives. Following Welcke r an d Wilamowitz , Russia n philologist s affirme d the presenc e o f femal e same-se x lov e i n Sappho' s poem s whil e vociferously denyin g it the name "sapphic " or "lesbian. " There was one voice—albeit medical , not philological—comin g out o f German y a t th e tur n o f th e centur y tha t seeme d t o counte r the implie d antilesbia n prejudic e o f mos t Germa n an d Russia n philologists. Tha t voic e belonge d t o Ott o Weininger , whos e boo k Sex and Personality cause d a sensatio n i n Europ e an d wa s trans lated int o Russia n i n 1908 , arousin g a simila r furor . On e reviewe r of the Russian translatio n o f Weininger's boo k quote d th e author' s argument a t length : The philologists hav e tried zealousl y to cleanse Sappho from suspi cions that she had amorou s relations with women an d have argued that they were merely an expression o f extraordinary friendship : a s

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if th e accusation , i f i t wer e true , woul d i n fac t lowe r a woma n morally. . . . That is utterly untrue. . . . Homosexual love does much greater hono r namel y to a woman tha n a heterosexual connection . . . . A woman's tendenc y towar d lesbia n lov e is a manifestation o f her virility, which is a condition of her giftedness. 67 Weininger's "prolesbian " stance , unfortunately , depende d o n his misogynisti c vie w tha t creativit y wa s essentiall y a "virile " o r masculine province . Indeed , th e notio n o f Sappho' s viril e geniu s seemed t o separat e he r fro m real-lif e femal e poet s bot h i n Europ e and i n Russia . I n his 191 6 revie w of Parnok' s Poems, Khodasevic h made a poin t o f distinguishin g her—ironically , i n orde r t o prais e her—from thos e o f hi s femal e contemporarie s who m h e con sidered inferior , "ladies' " poet s an d "youthfu l offsprin g o f Sappho." 6 8 Russian interes t i n Sapph o culminate d whe n th e first poeti c translations o f he r "complete " extan t poem s an d fragment s ap peared. Vyachesla v Ivanov' s flamboyant an d decaden t "transla tion," whic h augmente d man y o f th e fragment s beyon d recogni tion, appeare d i n 191 4 an d becam e Parnok' s mai n (an d mediated ) source for th e Lesbian poet. 69 Ivano v had studie d with Wilamowit z in Germany . In th e introductio n t o hi s Sappho and Alcaeus, h e revoiced hi s teacher' s theor y tha t Sapph o wa s th e hea d o f a reli gious communit y an d schoo l fo r aristocrati c youn g women . H e explained Sappho' s stron g bu t chast e "eroti c feelings " fo r he r "fe male pupils" as the central component o f her "idiosyncratic , purel y Hellenic understandin g o f he r educationa l task , a tas k a t onc e moral-religious, artistic , and erotic." 70 The popula r write r an d amateu r Hellenis t Vikent y Veresae v published a secon d poetic , bu t fa r mor e literal , translatio n o f Sap pho i n 1915 . Considerin g Parnok' s enthusias m fo r Sappho , i t seems likely that sh e a t leas t glance d throug h hi s translation, bu t if she di d kno w it , he r ow n Sapphi c poem s sho w tha t sh e preferre d Ivanov's version . Veresaev's vie w o f Sapph o dre w mainl y o n th e wor k o f Wei -

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cker, an d exemplifie d th e characteristicall y Russia n denia l o f th e word fo r Sappho' s lov e i n th e nam e o f lov e fo r Sappho' s word . Veresaev dismisse d th e ide a tha t (uppercase ) Sapphi c love , whic h he define d a s Sappho' s "passionat e lov e fo r wome n an d lac k o f erotic feelin g fo r men, " wa s th e sam e lov e a s th e "unnatura l per version" tha t wa s called (lowercase ) sapphic , or "lesbian " love . H e argued tha t Sappho' s allege d homosexualit y wa s jus t a s scurrilou s a "myth " abou t th e grea t poe t a s he r fatal , unrequite d lov e fo r Phaon an d th e "gossip " tha t "sh e sol d he r lov e t o me n fo r money." 71 The Sapph o tha t Parno k discovere d i n 191 4 thu s cam e embed ded i n cultura l accretions , contradictions , sexua l ambiguities , an d creative pitfall s an d potentialities . Adde d t o th e Russia n attitude s about th e origina l Lesbia n poe t wer e th e Frenc h "sapphistries " o f Baudelaire, Verlaine , an d Louys , al l o f who m Parno k ha d doubt lessly read an d absorbed . Unlike tha t o f othe r Russia n wome n poets , however , Parnok' s interest i n Sappho ha d a personal dimensio n tha t struc k t o the cor e of he r ow n creativ e identity. 72 Roses of Pieria represented he r first attempts t o writ e he r experienc e o f femal e same-se x lov e int o Russian poetr y throug h emulatio n o f an d desir e fo r he r distant , creative Othe r (th e origina l Lesbia n poe t herself) . A s such , i t re mains a uniqu e treatmen t o f Sapph o i n Russia n literatur e an d on e of a small numbe r o f other , wester n use s o f Sapph o tha t affir m th e original woma n poe t a s a grea t poe t an d a n activ e (sexual ) bu t nondecadent love r o f women . The volum e containe d twent y poems , writte n a t variou s time s from 191 2 throug h 192 1 an d divide d thematicall y int o thre e groups: "Roses o f Pieria" (eleve n poems); "Penthesilea" ( a trilogy), and "Wis e Venus " (si x poems) . Sapph o figured mos t prominentl y in th e first group ; th e trilog y "Penthesilea " represente d Parnok' s artistic reworkin g o f th e mythologica l due l betwee n th e Amazo n queen an d Achilles ; "Wis e Venus " catapulte d th e poeti c speaker , the mai n unifyin g presenc e i n th e collection , t o th e loft y positio n

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of goddes s o f love , dispensing advic e to lovelor n worshippers . Th e three section s o f th e boo k thu s gav e stylize d artisti c expressio n t o three facet s o f a moder n lesbia n poet' s existence : he r relationshi p with th e origina l Lesbia n poet ; he r amorou s competitio n wit h me n for lovers ; an d he r wisdo m abou t wome n an d lov e tha t mad e he r not th e competitor , bu t th e intercesso r fo r unsuccessfu l lover s o f both sexes . In th e firs t poe m o f th e boo k (#61) , Parno k invoke d Sapph o a s her "siste r o f a singl e faith " i n wome n an d poetry . Th e kinshi p o f their temporall y separate d poeti c speaker s introduce d th e notio n of Parnok' s parit y wit h th e origina l Lesbia n poet . Th e nex t poe m (#62) retol d th e Greek myt h o f the birth o f the lyre from a tortois e shell an d ende d wit h a visio n o f Sappho , th e Tent h Muse , comin g "across th e centurie s int o th e Pieria n garde n t o pic k th e eterna l roses." As in Sappho, roses in Parnok's collectio n symboliz e poem s and belove d women . Here Parno k seeme d t o b e inspiring hersel f throug h belie f i n th e eternal comin g o f Sapph o t o he r co-religionist s i n posterity . Lik e other Europea n lesbia n poet s o f he r generation , sh e sense d tha t being a lesbia n privilege d he r relationshi p wit h th e Tent h Muse . I t put Sapph o i n th e specia l relatio n t o he r tha t Aphrodit e occupie d in Sappho's life . The thir d poe m i n th e "Roses " group continue d wit h th e them e of th e religiou s meanin g o f poetr y a s implie d b y Sappho' s frag ment: "'Yo u di d no t fee l lik e gathering th e roses of Pieria' " (#63) . Parnok's late r coldnes s t o he r Sapphi c poem s ma y hav e bee n ex plained i n par t b y he r conversio n t o Orthodox y tha t too k plac e in th e year s betwee n th e writin g an d publishin g o f man y o f he r Pierian roses . The nex t tw o poem s i n th e Roses grou p expresse d wha t th e discovery o f Sapph o ha d originall y mean t fo r Parnok . Th e ide a o f Sappho's schoo l ha d stimulate d he r imagination , whic h i n tur n warmed he r orphane d creativ e spiri t wit h thought s o f Sapphi c

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community an d collectiv e creation . (Simila r fantasie s inspire d Re nee Vivien an d Natalie Barney in France at the turn o f the century. ) Once I hear the song of the Aeolian lyre, I catch fire, I do not walk, I dance— mimetic my voice, nimble my hand, music in my veins. I try not my pen, I tune my strings, preoccupied with an inspired care, to pour out of my heart, release into freedo m sounds of ringing strings. Clearly in this life I have not forgotte n unforgettable rapture s from unforgettabl e song s that of old, my companion lovers sang in Sappho's school. (#38) 73 From th e ancien t communit y o f companio n lovers , th e fifth poem focuse d o n on e special , latter-day companion-love r wh o ha d shared Parnok' s enrapture d discover y o f Lesbos : The whole of me was drunk on recollections, feeling weak from happiness , I said: "Lesbos, cradle of lyrical song, last stopping place of Orpheus!" My soul was avid with wonderful avidity , we left the muses no spare time. In that land I was not alone, oh splendid companion-lover! (#64) 74 In th e nex t tw o poems , a dya d entitle d "Dream s o f Sappho, " Parnok assume d th e identit y o f he r mentoress . First , sh e wrote ou t the drea m tha t Sapph o mentione d sh e ha d ha d an d "tol d t o Cyp rian" i n on e o f he r fragment s (#65) . I n Parnok' s fantasy , th e speaker (Sappho-Parnok ) dreame d o f runnin g fo r a lon g tim e i n a strange place . Sh e calle d ou t t o he r favorite s an d companion lovers, bu t the y di d no t answer . He r ste p wa s heav y an d he r lyr e burdened her ; th e dawn , th e sea , th e grasses , herbs , an d flowers were al l differen t fro m th e one s sh e ha d know n i n he r "nativ e

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meadows." Eve n th e fac e sh e sa w reflecte d i n a strea m wa s unfa miliar t o her. Clearly , she was i n the land o f death . The second drea m was inspired b y one of Sappho's mos t famou s fragments, "Believ e me , someon e i n th e futur e wil l remembe r us, " and reveale d Parnok' s awarenes s o f th e controvers y ove r Sappho' s sexuality. I t mad e clea r tha t sh e sa w n o basi s fo r it : i n Parnok' s perception Sapph o incontrovertibl y preferre d wome n t o men . Be fore fallin g asleep , Parnok' s Sapph o sink s o n he r femal e lover' s breast. In he r drea m Aphrodit e appear s t o her , smiles , an d say s (with gentl e irony) : " 'Her e i s fame , Sappho : peopl e arguin g wh o you addresse d / you r eternal—raptur e o f th e gods!—lov e song s to, youths o r maidens? ' " (#66). Following Sappho' s dream s wer e thre e lyrics , al l o f the m pre viously publishe d i n Poems, includin g th e "Alcaea n Stanzas " Par nok ha d writte n t o Sergey Efron i n Octobe r 191 5 (#53) , and "Lik e a smal l girl " fro m Februar y o f tha t year , i n whic h sh e use d Sappho's lov e affai r wit h Atthi s t o writ e abou t he r lov e fo r Tsvet aeva. In th e Tsvetaev a poe m sh e als o illustrate d th e complexit y o f her poeti c speaker' s relationshi p wit h Sappho : ho w Sappho , i n effect, too k th e Parnokia n poe t a s he r timeles s poeti c love r whil e enabling Parno k t o b e a lover an d a poet i n her image . A similarl y comple x relationshi p betwee n Parno k an d Sapph o on on e hand , an d th e Parnokia n poe t an d he r love r o n th e other , underlay th e poe m "Yo u sleep , m y companion-lover. " B y writin g out Sappho' s fragment , "Slee p o n you r companion-lover' s breast , sleep o n he r tende r breast, " Parno k pu t hersel f i n th e positio n o f Sappho's addresse e an d he r companion-poe t i n posterity. 75 Simul taneously, her poetic speaker execute s the command Sapph o issue d in he r fragmen t an d reenact s Sappho' s post-orgasmi c an d creativ e languor: You sleep, my companion-lover, just like a child on the breast of its mother! How sweet: for you to fall asleep, for me to lack strength to awaken,

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since, tell me, is this not a dream, this bed abounding in rapture, the sonorous twilight, and you, and you in my peaceful embrace ? Oh delicately winding tendrils on your moist temple! Oh violets! The same as the ones which would bloom for us in our native meadows. The two of us wove floral wreathes , and where there were wreathes there was singing, and songs came with bliss . . . Oh my last, my sweet dream, are you finally asleep ? . . . Flow gently, Aeolian sky, as you drift an d drift up above me, keep blazing, last sunset of mine, keep foaming, my ancient wine! (#67) Sappho seem s presen t i n thi s poe m a s th e movin g spiri t behin d the poeti c speaker' s languor , he r racia l memor y o f Lesbia n vio lets—a commonplac e i n Sapphi c poems—an d nativ e meadows , and th e bucolic , creativ e pursuit s tha t sh e an d he r love r seeme d t o have share d i n their ancien t life . In a 191 0 poeti c dram a abou t Sappho , Natali e Cliffor d Barne y wrote ou t a simila r fantas y o f Sappho' s predictio n t o a love r wh o had lef t he r (Timas , i n Barney' s play) , that sh e would b e a perma nent presenc e i n he r (Timas's ) life . Interprete d metapoetically , Sappho's speec h t o Tima s appeare d t o b e directe d a t ever y on e o f Sappho's lesbia n reader s i n posterity, especiall y t o thos e wh o wer e also poets: Pres de Pautre, c'est moi deja que tu regrettes! Et m'appelant tout bas d'une angoisse secrete, Tu verras mon regard provocant a travers Ses yeux, tu m'etreindras dans ses bras entr'ouverts. Comme autrefois c'est moi qui viendrai vers ta couche, Ce sera son baiser, mais ce sera ma bouche. Tu me desireras a travers son desk Et tu redonneras mon nom a ton plaisir. 76

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The trilog y "Penthesilea " represente d a shif t i n moo d a s Par nok's poetic speaker note d a t the beginning of the first poem, "Th e Challenge" (#69) : " I a m no t tunin g my hear t fo r th e voluptuou s mode, / I hav e smashe d m y languorou s lyr e t o smithereens. " Ye t symbolically, th e "deadl y battle " sh e woul d sin g coul d b e con strued a s a battl e i n a n amorou s competitio n betwee n herself , a modern-day Penthesile a wit h th e "indomitabl e bloo d o f Amazons " in he r veins , an d he r rival , a modern-da y Achille s an d worshippe r of th e sam e ol d "masculin e go d mor e malevolen t tha n th e malevo lent Erinyes! " The due l betwee n Achille s an d Penthesile a i s describe d i n th e second poe m o f th e trilogy , "Th e Duel. " When Achilles' s first tw o spear thrust s misse d thei r target , "unexpecte d failur e merel y fanned th e flames o f ancien t fur y i n th e hero. " Hi s thir d spea r penetrated Penthesilea' s shiel d "lik e a fatefu l splinter, " a s Achille s saw whe n sh e "quietl y move d [her ] shiel d awa y fro m [her ] heart. " Penthesilea's legendar y deat h constitute s th e mode l o f Amazo n courage agains t which th e modern Penthesile a measure s herself . In th e las t poem , "Th e Return, " Parno k shift s fro m mythologi cal t o presen t historica l tim e an d give s Penthesilea' s fat e a n ironi c and demythologizin g twist . Th e woun d suffere d b y th e Amazo n queen o f fin de Steele Russi a doe s no t kil l her ; i t merel y force s her t o leav e th e field o f battle , an d thu s differentiate s he r fro m her model : I went into battle armed with a deathless rose rather than a deadly spear. In ancient times my ur-mother went against Achilles differently armed . It's the same he in murderous battle array, his heart full of hate. But I am anguished: I have not borne the ancient hatred up to this life . . . Quietly returning from th e field of battle and cursing the evil lot of female warriors,

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Penthesilea presses her hands to her breast— and weeps. (#71) This concludin g poe m i n th e trilog y wa s th e mos t persona l an d was probabl y writte n first . Give n th e situatio n i t describe s i n gen eral terms—a mal e rival's victory over the female speaker in love— and th e date of it s first publication , September 1916 , "The Return " could b e rea d a s a n encode d expressio n o f Parnok' s feeling s afte r she "lost " Tsvetaev a t o her "Adonis " husband. 77 The poeti c speake r rise s fro m defeat , however , an d conclude s Roses of Pieria with th e immorta l wisdo m o f he r "deathles s rose " in th e cycl e "Wis e Venus. " Adoptin g th e conseils a un amant model exemplifie d i n Pierr e Louys' s Songs of Bilitis, t o whic h sh e alludes i n on e o f th e poems, 78 Parno k expresse d a subversiv e sex ual politics, namely that there are women who prefer femal e lovers , and me n woul d ofte n b e bette r lover s i f the y love d "wit h a woman's hand. " Parnok' s Venu s counsel s a n ar t o f lov e wit h "many rules" : tak e you r tim e a s yo u mov e i n a lon g kis s fro m your beloved' s shoulder s dow n t o he r breasts ; d o no t fal l int o hopelessness; i f yo u ar e a man , tr y t o hid e tha t fac t a s lon g a s possible; d o no t hid e you r amorou s sighs , however ; b e a "slo w flame," o r a "tende r shower, " rathe r tha n a "bol t o f lightning " o r a "storm" ; b e patient, d o not hurry your lover's pleasure; and onc e you hav e falle n i n love, act on you r desire . These were the poems i n Roses tha t obviousl y mad e the greates t impression o n th e reader s i n Parnok' s immediat e Mosco w circle . An acquaintanc e b y th e nam e o f Vazlinsk y wa s inspire d b y on e o f the wis e Venu s poem s (#72 ) t o writ e a parod y o f it , whic h bega n by quoting th e secon d (an d mos t piquant) lin e of th e original : "Some intractable girls find a girlfriend mor e dear than a boyfriend. " Not for masculine hearts have my arrows been sharpened by Love. So she sang in Pieria (on the Fourth, on Tverskaya Yamskaya ) The sister of Sappho, a daughter of Lesbos true-blue.

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Well, one can't argue tastes. Blest she who embodies the feat Of the girlfriend o f girlfriends her e on Tverskaya Yamskaya Streets. 79 Perhaps Parno k suspecte d tha t th e parodist's good-nature d jok e rested a s muc h o n hi s titillatio n b y he r amorou s achievement s a s on hi s admiratio n fo r he r poeti c ones . Tha t sor t o f respons e ma y have increase d he r ow n doubt s abou t Roses of Pieria. Sh e ha d turned t o anthologica l stylization s becaus e the y seeme d t o offe r a n acceptable wa y o f writing her sexualit y int o Russia n poetry , whic h accepted homoeroticis m i n stylization s becaus e the y affirme d th e distance i n cultura l tim e an d spac e that Russi a wante d t o maintai n between itsel f an d femal e same-se x love . Parnok, o f course , wante d no t t o maintai n he r distanc e fro m Sappho, bu t i n ever y wa y t o overcom e i t b y "finishing " Sappho' s songs, by interacting with Sapph o lyrically, by asserting her ancien t Lesbian creativ e roots , an d affirmin g th e intoxicatio n t o a moder n lesbian poe t o f th e Tent h Muse . I n addition , Parno k wrot e severa l personal relationship s int o he r Sapphi c poems—wit h Serge y Efron, Tsvetaeva , Erarskaya, an d othe r lover s whose names remai n unknown, bu t wh o mad e Parnok' s poeti c speaker wis e in love. The proble m wa s tha t stylizatio n wa s a s strang e an d alie n t o Parnok's talen t a s th e lan d o f deat h seeme d t o Sappho' s shad e i n Parnok's fantasy . Sh e coul d no t forc e he r nativ e voic e throug h an ossified , "to o aesthetic " lyricism . Perhap s sh e sense d tha t thi s artistically unsuccessfu l boo k would , ironically , b e rea d a s he r ultimate Sapphi c statement , an d thu s undermin e th e mos t im portant thing s abou t creativity , community , an d lovin g tha t sh e had t o say . She already knew , whe n Roses of Pieria appeared, tha t the forthcomin g Vine sai d thos e thing s better , mor e directly , an d in living words . The Vine, Poems of 1922, represente d th e first vintag e o f Par nok's "ol d wine. " Th e twenty-thre e thematicall y interconnecte d poems i n th e boo k ( # # 7 7 - 1 0 0 ) relate d th e poetic speaker' s lif e a s a poet an d love r of women fro m he r birth i n Taganrog throug h he r spiritual an d creativ e rebirt h i n Sudak . Th e psychologica l frame -

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work an d summar y o f thi s lyrica l autobiograph y wa s provide d i n "Why, o h wh y fro m m y paternal threshold " (#95) , which forme d a kin d o f life-within-a-lif e i n the volume's structura l plan . After he r severa l rea l an d symboli c journey s fro m he r father' s threshold i n Taganrog , Parno k ha d discovere d a "homeland " i n Sudak unde r th e aegi s o f a "godmother, " "sister, " an d "sibyl " whose ministration s an d spiri t made possible the lyrical retelling of her lif e i n The Vine, an d wh o i s invoke d i n th e first , dedicatory , poem o f th e book : My homeland is the place where my spirit rose, as a vine in that saline soil; where my troubled blood ceased boiling, and my ear took wing, and my body delighted in its weakness. That place is where I heard the music of light in cicadas' chirrs, and rustles of the heat-cracked earth , that place is where you brought me cooling grapes to soothe my feverish lips— a sacred eucharist. . . And if all that was just a dream, lest I forget an unforgettable drea m forever , oh my beautiful an d splendid godmother , at least appear to me in dreams, Sugdalian Sibyl! (#77) The "unforgettabl e dream " o f Gertsy k an d Suda k ha d replace d the "unforgettabl e song s o f unforgettabl e blisses " o f Sappho' s school. Once back i n the Moscow inferno , however , th e poet pine d for Gertsyk' s presence . "Suddenly , a t th e wav e o f a magician' s hand," he r vision o f th e garde n /in Sudak vanished , Eugeni a wasn' t there, "th e water s ha d drie d up, " an d "cicada s agai n chirre d i n [her] veins " (#92) . Thi s referenc e t o cicadea n musi c als o seeme d to allud e t o a ne w lov e affai r tha t bega n i n Mosco w i n 1922 . Parnok sough t he r godmothe r wit h "outstretche d hands, " bu t the y "grabbed hol d of—emptiness, " an d sh e began t o doub t th e realit y of he r an d Gertsyk' s Sugdalia n love . By ministering t o Parnok' s spirit , Gertsy k ha d nurture d th e poe t in her, th e poet whos e lip s had firs t bee n opene d i n adolescenc e b y

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the anguishe d sonorit y o f a n organ . Sh e recalle d thi s ecstati c mo ment in the autobiographical secon d poem o f The Vine: I remember, remember the service, foreign church , ceremonial voice. I'm a teen. In the sun my hair is like fire, and my step is firm. Getting weary of prayerful faces , of the alien, grand sacred things, I was leaving, but then she thunders, from th e choir a new Latin rings . . . Who are you, dark, glad congregations? I'd not known paradise makes one sad. Is it from some enormous anguish, or from blis s that they sing like that? And what kind of a sparkle had punctured through the rumbling-thundering gloom? I had shut my eyes tight. Thus Isaac in submission awaited his doom. And 'twas then that a fiery seed fell on my soul, that the organ was seized by its ultimate frenzy, leapin g in an outburst of full-voiced joy . And not I began shouting—a poet for the first time had open her lips that sense of unbearable fullness , that horror of sweet bliss. (#78) Parnok looke d bac k o n th e birt h o f th e poe t i n hersel f a s a moment o f sacrific e an d a n orgasmi c receptio n o f Mothe r An guish's fiery seed. She chose the Ol d Testament sacrific e o f Isaa c a s a symbo l o f th e sacrific e he r creativ e inseminatio n entaile d an d thus eschewe d th e poet-Christ identit y that th e majority o f Russia n poets o f he r generatio n adopted . B y visualizin g hersel f a s a n ado lescent Isaac , moreover , sh e seeme d t o sho w he r unconsciou s awareness o f th e critica l rol e playe d b y he r absen t father—give n that Abraha m i s missing i n th e poem—i n facilitating , albei t nega tively, he r creativit y a t it s beginnings . A t th e sam e time , i n castin g

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herself i n th e rol e o f Isaac , sh e migh t hav e bee n externalizin g a wished-for self-imag e a s a God-fearing , submissive , an d belove d son, quit e th e opposit e o f th e waywar d daughte r sh e ha d bee n t o her fathe r i n life . Several othe r poem s scattere d throughou t The Vine lyricize d moments i n th e poet's creativ e evolution afte r sh e had receive d th e "fiery seed " in her adolescence . They formed th e book's inner cycl e that trace d Parnok' s self-perceive d poeti c lif e fro m th e tur n o f th e century throug h th e tim e o f th e book' s composition . In "Anguish " (#80) th e poe t acknowledge d wha t ha d bee n implie d i n "Th e Organ" (#78) , tha t th e femal e wil d element , Anguish , wa s he r creative elemen t a s i t ha d bee n Sabaoth's . Anguish' s organ , sh e wrote, "sobbe d i n the darkness ove r the abyss" before Go d create d "our val e o f tears, " an d Anguis h ha d "summone d [God ] t o cre ation" (#80) . Addressing Anguish, Parno k concluded : "An d i n m e your ancien t flame i s burnin g / an d yo u mak e th e singin g ston e o f these / stanzas sing " (#80) . The nex t turnin g poin t i n Parnok' s poeti c life , accordin g t o the lyric s i n The Vine, cam e whe n a poe t an d love r (Tsvetaeva ) inseminated he r wit h a "grai n o f corn " tha t containe d th e "fire , wind, an d moistur e of [her ] love" (#82) . For a long time, however , Parnok di d no t tak e th e poe t i n hersel f seriously : sh e looke d upo n poetry a s a gam e an d upo n poem s a s things on e tosse d of f wit h a s much romanti c aplom b a s one coul d muster . Onl y afte r Suda k di d she realize that bein g a poet was a serious, passionate vocation : A song's not an act, or skimmed from th e top: blood makes the deathless rose purple! I do not want the young wine, it cannot quench my spirit— give me the ancient, fateful kind , noble and dry like passion. (#83) Once sh e bega n t o tak e he r vocatio n seriously , Parno k fel t tha t the Creato r "too k not e o f [her], " an d sh e bega n t o "drea m secre t sounds" (#96) . Sh e n o longe r ha d t o loo k fo r name s (words ) i n

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books; rather sh e consulted th e "vital calendars " within her . (Wer e they th e same , on e wonders , tha t sh e ha d tor n ou t o f he r hear t i n Sudak o n tha t da y whe n sh e rejecte d th e lure s o f he r amorou s Memory [#104]? ) He r lac k o f poeti c productivit y n o longe r both ered he r becaus e th e spiri t o f he r "godmother " ha d mad e i t possi ble for he r t o bea r "god-children " (he r poems) . Finally, Parno k expresse d he r poeti c lif e a s a moder n varian t o f the myt h o f Belleropho n an d th e Chimer a (#97). Sh e rejecte d th e delusive authorit y o f th e patriarcha l myt h b y doubtin g it s veracit y in he r unheroi c age . To counte r th e myth , sh e presented he r poeti c speaker a s a necessaril y faile d Belleropho n whos e ai m coul d no t always b e true , wh o coul d no t sla y th e eterna l Chimer a tha t con fronted her. 80 A t the en d o f th e poem sh e asserted he r ow n kin d o f poetic heroinis m i n he r unflinching , unsentimenta l acceptanc e o f her lif e an d he r continue d confrontatio n o f th e unname d enem y who ha d stifle d he r voice : But I look my life straight in the eye without tears, and I see the claws of that same ancient, that same [creature], and I know by whom my deep voice has been smothered and who has breathed molten darkness into my soul. (#97) The unifyin g them e o f The Vine wa s th e lif e o f th e poet' s body , its suffering s an d raptures . Parno k suggeste d tha t th e vagarie s an d whims o f he r bod y wer e i n par t responsibl e fo r he r manic-de pressive experienc e o f life . He r illnes s apparentl y s o weakened he r at time s tha t sh e felt , a s he r poeti c speake r say s i n on e poem , tha t she wa s "hardl y flesh," tha t he r vein s wer e filled "wit h sk y rathe r than blood, " an d tha t sh e had n o desir e "fo r bread " (#91) . Bu t a t other times , he r physica l appetite s wer e insatiabl e an d he r bod y seemed t o he r "lik e a pregnan t wife " wit h unsatisfiabl e craving s (#91). A t those times, the heat o f her exhauste d bod y coul d no t b e

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drunk u p (#94) . I n fever s o f desire , she longed fo r "coldness" ; sh e wanted mor e tha n anythin g t o becom e spiri t an d ris e ou t o f he r Egyptian captivit y (#94) , whic h seeme d lik e a slo w tortur e a s sh e waited "unti l a lazy fire would bur n throug h t o the bone" (#91) . The poeti c speake r o f The Vine i s a passionate woma n wh o ha s used "love " a t time s a s a n eas y wa y t o gai n th e illusio n o f inti macy. 81 He r dependenc y o n "love " le d t o a kin d o f addiction , o r captivity, tha t wa s no t s o eas y t o break . He r bod y struggle d wit h itself a s bout s o f incapacitatin g illnes s intermittentl y release d i t from it s mor e exorbitan t desires . Bu t physica l incapacit y wa s no t liberation. A t th e ag e o f thirty-seven , he r spiritua l sisterhoo d wit h Eugenia Gertsy k notwithstanding , an d wear y fro m love' s battles a s she was , Parnok' s poeti c speake r stil l ha d t o acknowledg e he r kinship wit h sister s o f a differen t sort , who m sh e coul d pic k ou t immediately i n an y crowd : You came in just as thousands have entered, but the doors for an instant breathed fire, and I realized: your hand has been hewn with that selfsame, prophetic sign. Yes, I know it, the ring—of Venus marks your palm in the very same way: for your walk is entirely too measured, and the light far too dimmed in your gaze, and your face powder covers up tear stains, and your lipstick is smeared over blood— yes, my sister, I know, that's precisely how she chokes you with kisses—love! (#81) Though Parno k alread y fel t a t time s tha t sh e wa s i n th e earl y winter o f he r life , that he r "house " (body ) was "icil y tranquil" an d wrapped "i n a snow y winding-sheet, " sh e stil l coul d no t "endur e music withou t tears " o r tak e he r eye s of f a woman' s "slende r fingers" (#89) . The paucit y o f specificall y addresse d lov e lyric s i n The Vine reflected Parnok' s unsettle d an d intermitten t romanti c lif e a t th e time th e boo k wa s written . Th e poeti c speake r o f th e collectio n

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speaks i n on e poe m o f he r nee d fo r a love r whos e hear t di d no t conceal i n it s recesse s (a s Erarskaya' s had ) he r "ow n horror, " he r "own night, " an d who would no t suffer th e poet's kind of "chroni c anguish" (#86) . Perhap s sh e ha d foun d suc h a "dove " i n th e unnamed addresse e o f "T o suddenl y glimps e i n you r other' s heart": You warm your feathers a s if in the sun . . . And my trembling will not scorch you, may my dark spirit pass you by, and not get its hooks in your soul, and may your idle chatter be the last sound I hear as I die. (#86) Nevertheless, during her tachycardiac nights when deat h seeme d near, th e speaker desire d th e lover who had onc e lain o n her breas t (probably Erarskaya) : "What time is it?" "The mad hour. Come take a look: eleven o'clock, midnight, one, two, three! A moment and the hand will come full circle. Is this feverish thumping in the clock or in me? It makes my heart beat faster, an d faster still in furious rapi d patters of its own . . . Ah yes, I know—soon I'll also rush about just like that pendulum which has gone mad, and dimly-dimly will the night-light glow, and in despair my clockmaker will spread his hands, my heart will start its beating, and wheeze, and groan, and on my chest the sheet will bobble up and down . . . And at that midnight hour, where will you be? You who once slept on my breast, come, come to me!" (#87) The las t tw o poem s o f The Vine lef t a strikingl y ambiguou s impression o f th e poeti c speaker' s spiritua l condition . Th e penulti mate poem , " A spide r ha s spu n m y dar k hinged-icon " (#99) , showed th e speake r i n a deathl y mood , unabl e t o pray , an d cyni -

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cally convince d tha t sh e woul d di e withou t an y sens e o f exulta tion. 82 A t times like this she predicted deat h woul d com e to her , not as music, not an aroma, not as a darkwinged demon , not as inspired silence— rather, a dog will start to howl, or an automobile will screech, a rat will slither in its hole. That's how! Neither good, nor evil, that's the music that I've lived to, that's the music to which I'll die. (#99) The las t poe m o f th e book , however , expresse d th e poet' s fait h in prayer an d i n the flame that coul d stil l baptize her spirit : My heart will burn to ashes, my spirit rise from them . I pray to all the martyrs that the flame won't dim. Rage, my blizzard-fire, in your thicket black, until my spirit finds a baptismal font inside the blaze of seething fire. (#100)

5"While M y Othe Self R o a m s i n the W i l d s . . . "

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After Eugeni a Gertsy k lef t Mosco w i n Septembe r 1922 , Parno k went int o a prolonged physica l an d spiritua l decline . Illness force d her t o sto p workin g fo r th e las t tw o month s o f th e year . Sh e described he r stat e a s a "faintin g fi t o f th e spirit " tha t mad e i t impossible fo r he r t o se e o r hea r anything . "Eve n musi c doesn' t reach me! " she wrote t o Gertsyk . " I haven't writte n a single line of poetry sinc e th e da y yo u left . I am dea d an d malevolent, repulsive . I'm sic k almos t al l th e time—bronchiti s an d constan t stomac h problems. I' m utterl y miserabl e abou t th e povert y an d exitlessnes s that I see i n th e live s o f th e peopl e clos e t o me ; I try, bu t can' t d o anything t o hel p them . I'v e neve r fel t s o powerless , an d tha t ha s made m e hysterical." x In January o f th e new year sh e corrected th e proofs o f The Vine. She alread y kne w tha t he r nex t boo k ha d bee n "frozen " a t Gosiz dat an d suspecte d th e reaso n wa s tha t i t containe d "to o muc h about God, " becaus e "th e persecutio n o f Go d [was ] gettin g mor e and mor e intense." 2 Tw o revie w article s sh e had written , o n Ann a Akhmatova an d Abra m Efros , als o di d no t pas s th e censor , an d 192

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she expecte d th e sam e fat e awaite d he r articl e o n Khodasevich , written th e previous year . With ever y passin g da y lif e i n Mosco w seeme d harder , an d Parnok dreame d o f goin g awa y somewhere , al l th e whil e knowin g "there [was ] nowher e t o go. " Erarskay a ha d tuberculosi s i n he r right lun g an d wa s "gettin g terribl y thin, " an d Parno k fel t sh e could no t leav e her . I t seeme d t o th e poe t tha t i f Gertsy k wer e i n Moscow, thing s woul d b e easier fo r he r (Parnok) , an d sh e "woul d come bac k t o life . Bu t th e wa y thing s [were] , i t [was ] al l hopeless." 3 Despite he r creativ e slough , sh e continue d he r participatio n i n Moscow poetr y circles . Sh e becam e a regula r a t th e Poets ' Guil d that me t i n th e Bryuso v Lan e apartmen t o f Ann a Antonovskay a and wa s i n competitio n wit h Nikitin a Saturday s fo r poet s an d literary lights . At one February meetin g of the Poet's Guild, Parno k met a youn g amateu r poe t b y th e nam e o f Le v Gornung . The y soon becam e friends , an d Gornung' s largel y unpublished , anec dotal journa l an d reminiscence s ar e th e mai n outsid e sourc e o f information abou t Parno k i n the 1920s. 4 At th e beginnin g o f th e year , Voloshin' s mothe r died . A s soo n as Parnok hear d th e news, she wrote her condolences, but Voloshi n never receive d he r letter . When , month s later , sh e learne d fro m a third part y tha t Voloshi n ha d bee n surprised , an d obviousl y hurt , not t o hav e hear d fro m her , sh e wrot e agai n immediatel y t o se t matters straigh t an d sa y that sh e too ha d bee n surprise d a t his lon g silence. I n th e sam e lette r sh e reported : " I thin k you r boo k [Selva Oscura] wil l freez e a t Gosizda t jus t a s mine will , an d fo r th e sam e reason: the y no w deman d a 'Sovie t orientation, ' an d hav e begu n an open , frenzie d attac k agains t anythin g mystical." 5 One o f Parnok' s mysticall y expresse d an d cherishe d conviction s was tha t creativit y represente d a kin d o f "beautifu l profit , th e penultimate deligh t o f th e spirit, " intimatel y connecte d wit h car nality. Th e artis t wh o cease d t o lov e th e flesh disenable d hi m o r herself an d coul d n o longer incarnat e th e Word (#161) . In express-

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ing thes e thought s i n a poe m sh e dedicate d t o Gertsyk , Parno k seemed t o wan t t o remin d hersel f tha t i t wa s no t a goo d sig n i f a poet los t he r libid o entirely . He r ow n lac k o f interes t i n th e flesh may hav e mad e he r fea r abandonmen t b y he r muse . In poin t o f fact, sh e wrote very little for th e next two years . At th e beginnin g o f thi s period , sh e me t an d becam e friend s with Olg a Nikolaevn a Tsuberbiller , a n instructo r o f mathematic s at Mosco w Stat e University , an d th e autho r o f th e standar d mat h text use d fo r decade s i n Sovie t hig h schools . Olg a Nikolaevn a wa s slightly olde r tha n Parno k an d ha d begu n he r teachin g caree r i n 1903. Sh e ha d bee n marrie d befor e th e Revolution , bu t th e Civi l War apparentl y lef t he r a widow . Behin d th e camouflag e o f wid owhood sh e live d quietl y an d undemonstrativel y accordin g t o he r lesbian preference . Tsuberbille r wa s "even-tempered , serious , an d good-hearted, bu t possibly lacking a sense of humor," th e tempera mental opposite , accordin g t o Gornung , o f th e "energetic , impul sive" Parnok "wh o ha d a marvelous sens e of humor." 6 In Septembe r Parno k inscribe d a cop y o f Poems t o he r ne w friend wit h a stanz a tha t stoppe d jus t shor t o f bein g a declaratio n of love : Like music I love your sadness, your smile, so similar to tears, like the tinkle of cracked crystal, like the fragrance o f December roses. (#109) The exac t natur e o f th e women's friendshi p an d graduall y deepen ing intimacy, especially i n its initial stages , and whether o r not the y were eve r lovers , i s impossibl e t o determine . Parnok' s poem s an d other reference s t o Tsuberbille r leav e n o doub t tha t Olg a Niko laevna cam e t o occup y a uniqu e plac e i n he r emotiona l an d spiri tual lif e an d wa s fa r mor e t o he r tha n eve n a closes t friend . The y also mak e i t clea r tha t th e sourc e o f Tsuberbiller' s ultimat e an d enduring appea l wa s no t sexual . Whil e Parnok' s poeti c speake r often perceive d th e hand s o f he r lover s a s instrument s o f passion ,

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givers o f pleasur e an d pain , sh e celebrate d Olg a Nikolaevna' s "palm" a s a n "amulet " tha t protecte d he r fro m th e ravage s o f sexual lov e and he r ow n desires . As sh e neare d forty , th e poe t bega n t o hav e negativ e feeling s about sexua l passio n i n genera l an d wen t s o fa r a s t o condem n i t in a fe w poem s a s merel y a n illusio n o f lov e an d les s importan t than friendship . Ye t sh e remaine d susceptibl e t o thi s particula r illusion, a s this 1923—2 4 poem indicates : It's not passion's bed that is sacred, but bread a guest breaks over victuals at moments of being friends. Forgetful girl , fond o f good eating, from whose hands have you only not nibbled, my chirruper, tidbits of seed? Yet, as in a church for a feast day, at home I lit all of the candles the night you came flying to me . .. (#145 ) In th e earl y fal l Parno k an d a smal l grou p o f poet s brok e awa y from th e Poets ' Guil d an d forme d a circl e o f thei r ow n tha t me t i n the two-roo m basemen t apartmen t o f Pyot r Zaitse v i n Starokony ushenny Lane . Parno k becam e activ e i n thi s group . Gornun g re called he r a t th e Septembe r 2 7 meetin g a s sh e converse d wit h Zaitsev an d smoked : "Sh e wa s no t young , bu t ver y appealing . Sh e had ligh t hai r wit h a reddis h tinge . He r voic e wa s slightl y hollo w and hoarse . Ther e weren' t man y peopl e there . Befor e leaving , sh e read a few o f her poems." 7 A mont h late r sh e gav e a mor e extensiv e readin g tha t wa s followed b y comments . On e listene r sai d tha t he r poem s suffere d from bein g "to o good " an d advise d her to break u p her meter s an d strive fo r fre e verse . Anothe r annoye d he r b y callin g he r lexico n "luxuriant." A t th e nex t meetin g Parno k spok e impassionedl y about th e deat h o f th e acmeis t poe t Nikola i Gumilyov , Akhma tova's husband , wh o ha d bee n sho t fo r allege d counterrevolution ary activities . Late r i n th e evenin g th e questio n o f ne w member s

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came up , an d someon e propose d tha t the y invit e Mandelshta m t o join thei r circle . Parnok protested , sayin g tha t sh e had ha d a quar rel with Mandelshta m an d di d not wan t t o socializ e with him . In privat e sh e explaine d t o Gornun g wha t ha d happened : sh e and Mandelshta m ha d bee n sharin g a ca b t o a commo n destina tion. Whe n th e ca b dre w u p t o th e entrance , Mandelshta m leape d out and disappeare d throug h th e front doo r o f the building, leavin g her t o pay th e fare . Thi s inciden t ha d obviousl y bee n th e last stra w for Parnok . I n additio n t o al l th e unpleasantnes s sh e ha d suffere d from hi m i n th e past , no t t o mentio n thei r romanti c an d poeti c rivalry ove r Tsvetaeva , sh e ma y als o hav e resente d hi s recen t friendship wit h he r brother , wh o wa s the n livin g wit h Mandel shtam's brothe r an d anothe r ma n i n a filthy, squalid , col d room o n Tverskoy Boulevard. 8 By compariso n Sonya' s roo m o n Tverskay a Yamskay a seeme d almost comfortable . Whe n sh e hel d poetr y reading s there , i t eve n radiated a certai n auster e warmt h an d intensity , a t leas t a s Gor nung remembered it : Her large , squar e roo m wa s li t b y a n unshade d electri c ligh t tha t hung fro m th e ceiling . A large , four-cornere d tabl e stoo d i n th e middle o f th e room ; a fe w chair s an d a couc h wer e pushe d u p against th e walls . I found a place o n th e very edg e of a n ottoma n near th e door . Ther e wa s rathe r a larg e crowd ; al l th e seat s wer e taken, an d th e res t stoo d i n th e doorwa y an d eve n th e vestibul e where man y o f th e me n wer e smoking . Sophi a Yakovlevn a als o smoked a lot . Sh e sa t a t th e tabl e an d rea d fro m a leather-boun d notebook. After sh e finished,people made comments and gave their impressions.9 As soo n a s Parno k wa s mor e o r les s settle d an d marginall y solvent, sh e gave up he r offic e jo b an d relie d o n free-lanc e translat ing fo r he r mai n sourc e o f income . Th e wor k becam e increasingl y hateful t o her, particularly team-translatin g job s when th e text wa s parceled ou t t o man y translator s i n orde r t o giv e a s man y peopl e work a s possible . No r wa s translatin g particularl y wel l paid . He r

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average salar y a t th e en d o f th e decad e rarel y exceede d a hundre d roubles a month . She sough t refug e fro m dail y lif e i n dream s tha t provide d a private, spiritually enhance d realit y an d a creative stimulus : I haven't died yet, I still can sigh, just let me listen to all this quiet, catch this faint babbl e slipping away, see off this sailboat floating away . . . Ducklings dive into watery blue, quiet the sandbar, still through and through . . . Yesterday's passing left no regrets. Just one more minute, don't wake me yet. (# 15 5)10 It wa s becomin g a s difficul t fo r Parno k t o publis h he r criticis m as her poetry, an d i n March 192 4 sh e wrote wha t turne d ou t t o b e her las t published critica l article . Originall y title d "Today' s Da y i n Russian Poetry, " i t focused o n th e wor k o f Bori s Pasternak , whic h Parnok treate d i n th e contex t o f a distinctio n betwee n "today' s day" an d "th e eterna l day , i n th e nam e o f whic h tru e ar t lives." 11 At th e en d o f th e articl e sh e scorne d th e epigone s o f Pasterna k who, sh e punned , ha d begu n t o "pasternacize " thei r writin g an d "out-pasternacize" eac h othe r wit h suc h a vengeanc e tha t the y would soo n "pasternaciz e themselve s out. " Then , suddenly , sh e turned t o tw o poets , Mandelshta m an d Tsvetaeva , wh o ha d mor e than passin g interes t fo r her . Affectin g rea l concer n fo r wha t sh e perceived a s the firs t sign s of a "fligh t t o Pasternak " i n their work , she conclude d wit h a n encoded , autobiographicall y revealin g per ception o f them :

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Mandelshtam and Tsvetaeva en route to Pasternak! Why this flight? Lovers, i n th e ver y hea t o f love , wh o hav e tor n themselve s fro m the goo d an d kin d arm s o f thei r beloved . Why , whencefort h thi s astounding lac k o f fait h i n art ? Ho w coul d they , s o generousl y endowed b y poetry , hav e doubt s i n her ? I valu e thes e poet s to o much to suspect them of empty connoisseurship. 12 Parnok rea d he r articl e a t th e April 2 meeting of th e Zaitsev circle , and i t was published a s "Pasternak an d Others " in the second issu e of Russian Contemporary, alon g with tw o o f he r recen t lyrics . The first o f them , "Nobod y eve r ha s anything " (#148) , expresse d th e poet's alienatio n an d cynicis m abou t th e possibilit y o f makin g human connection s i n a world o f speeding trains and "n o time, " an apocalyptic world tha t pulsed t o a tachycardiac beat and seeme d t o externalize Parnok' s hyperthyroi d condition . The other Russian Contemporary poe m summe d u p her creativ e life t o date . Callin g i t he r "unleavene d chun k [o f bread] " an d "unmiraculous deed, " th e poe t implie d tha t he r physica l an d cre ative existenc e ha d becom e a kin d o f permanen t exodu s wit h " a bodiless body, " " a deaf-mut e muse, " an d n o promise d lan d i n sight. Switchin g a t th e en d o f th e poe m t o Christia n imagery , th e poetic speaker exclaimed : Oh Lord! What happiness to kill this soul of mine, and for a Castalian stream exchange the Eucharistic wine! (#149) Parnok seeme d t o recogniz e i n this poem tha t th e source s o f he r creativity wer e elemental , an d unti l sh e realize d th e potentia l o f her paga n stream , he r mus e woul d remai n deaf-mute . He r ver y conception o f he r mus e a s a deaf-mut e woma n seem s fraugh t with significanc e fo r th e pligh t o f a lesbia n poe t i n a patriarchal , homophobic poeti c culture . Eve n i f Parno k intende d "deaf-mute " in the metaphorical sense , meaning "utterl y unresponsive, " there is a punishing an d almos t grotesque self-iron y i n the notion o f a poet, whose life , soul , an d creativit y wer e imbue d wit h an d empowere d

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by music , bein g boun d (o r "leashed, " a s sh e pu t i t i n anothe r poem) t o a deaf-mut e inspirationa l source . A "deaf-mut e muse " i s in itsel f almos t a logica l contradictio n (lik e a "bodiles s body") . A t the sam e time , i t suggest s tha t Parno k fel t he r poeti c gif t wa s crippled, handicapped , o r i n moder n term s "creativel y chal lenged." Inwardly he r muse could hear (a s the deaf Beethove n did) , but sh e coul d no t communicat e he r inne r musi c t o outsider s i n the usua l way . Sh e require d a ne w expressiv e language , sinc e th e traditional poeti c on e wa s ofte n burdensom e t o her . Similarly , th e poet neede d a new bod y sinc e the on e sh e had whe n sh e wrote thi s poem ha d bee n use d u p b y a chronic, debilitatin g disease . In th e earl y sprin g Parno k gav e a poetry readin g a t th e Cyther a Society, a grou p dedicate d t o th e stud y an d propagatio n o f th e work o f Annensky . Whe n Gornun g wen t t o pic k hi s frien d u p t o accompany he r t o th e reading, he found he r cleanin g soot fro m th e walls o f he r room . Earlie r tha t da y sh e ha d bough t tongu e an d wanted t o deligh t everyon e i n th e apartmen t wit h thi s delicacy . I t was a n enormou s piec e of meat , but , a s it turned out , n o on e in th e apartment like d tongue . Forced t o coo k i t fo r herself , Parno k se t i t to boi l o n th e kerosen e stov e i n he r room , the n go t involve d i n some work , an d completel y forgo t abou t i t unti l soo t ha d covere d the walls. 13 Parnok an d Gornun g wer e th e first t o arriv e a t th e meeting , which wa s ver y slo w i n gettin g started , an d th e dela y annoye d Parnok. Whe n someon e aske d he r i f sh e intende d t o rea d he r poems, sh e snapped , "That' s th e onl y reaso n I' m here. " While sh e was readin g a large selectio n o f poems , on e listene r wrot e note s t o Gornung i n whic h h e complaine d abou t "th e too-visibl e appear ance o f th e soul " i n Parnok' s wor k an d he r "pronouncement s o n the poet' s spiritua l deed, " bu t th e respons e o f th e audienc e i n th e discussion perio d wa s generally positive . For part o f tha t summe r Parno k manage d t o ge t away t o Liano zovo. A good frien d i n her communa l apartment , Irin a Sergeyevna , relayed message s t o her , an d th e poe t hersel f returne d t o th e cit y

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briefly i n Augus t i n orde r t o pic k u p tw o novel s a t Mospoligra f where sh e wa s workin g a s a translator . He r ol d frien d Lyubo v Gurevich wa s i n charge of Frenc h an d Germa n translation s there . Her translatin g activitie s expande d i n th e fal l an d earl y winter . In November, Nikitin a include d he r o n th e staf f o f translator s o f a new publishing cooperativ e sh e was organizin g a s an outle t fo r he r Saturdays. Lunacharsky , th e commissa r o f education , wa s i n charge o f selectin g books fo r translation , an d hi s top priorit y wer e the work s o f Jea n Giraudoux . Parno k manage d t o ge t a cop y o f Giraudoux's Siegfried and Limousin, an d Lunacharsk y agree d t o publish he r translatio n o f it , preface d b y hi s ow n introductor y note abou t th e author . In Decembe r sh e signe d a contrac t fo r th e translation tha t specifie d sh e woul d receiv e hal f he r fe e whe n th e censor passe d th e boo k an d th e remainin g hal f whe n th e boo k appeared i n print . A t first sh e objecte d t o no t bein g pai d a n ad vance, and t o having the payment o f her fe e depend o n the censor' s decision. Nikitin a overcam e he r objection s b y sayin g th e publish ing cooperativ e ha d n o mone y fo r advance s an d tha t th e censo r would certainl y pass any boo k tha t ha d th e backing of the commissar o f educatio n himself . Throughout th e fall , troubl e ha d bee n brewin g i n Parnok' s per sonal life , an d i n Decembe r th e first symptom s o f a sever e emo tional crisi s manifested themselves . "I had a fainting fit," sh e wrot e to Gertsy k tw o month s later . " I ha d gon e t o be d an d falle n asleep ; then I woke up , got out o f bed , went ove r t o th e window, returne d to bed , an d then , I fainted . I don' t kno w ho w lon g I wa s uncon scious sinc e I wa s alone . Afte r tha t episode , al l o f m e someho w came unglued : I hav e n o will , cry al l th e time , lac k mone y an d can't work." 1 4 Worrie d abou t herself , sh e wen t t o a doctor , wh o diagnosed he r conditio n a s "acut e psychasthenia, " a now-obsolet e psychiatric ter m tha t covere d a rang e o f disturbance s fro m menta l exhaustion t o neurosi s marke d b y fear, anxiety , an d phobias . Worse wa s ye t t o come . O n Januar y 7 Erarskay a staye d over night i n Parnok' s roo m an d i n th e middl e o f th e nigh t becam e

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"angry i n he r sleep " th e wa y sh e use d t o i n Sudak . Thi s tim e when sh e wok e up , however , sh e suffere d som e kin d o f psychoti c breakdown. Th e nex t da y Erarskay a ha d t o b e hospitalize d i n a n asylum i n Petrovsk y Park . Parno k recalle d i t a yea r late r a s "th e most terribl e day " i n her life. 15 Erarskaya's illnes s turne d ou t t o b e emotiona l i n origi n an d di d not affec t he r reason . I t was Parnok' s late r impressio n tha t th e first month Mashenk a spen t i n th e hospita l "wa s a perio d o f spiritua l uplift, bu t the n sh e wen t int o a decline , an d a terribl e depressio n ensued." 16 Sh e was paranoid an d believe d tha t al l her friend s wer e enemies. Parno k especiall y coul d no t bea r Erarskaya' s repeate d accusations tha t he r friend s wer e happier onc e sh e had bee n hospi talized, tha t he r bein g i n th e asylu m mad e lif e easie r fo r everyone . Erarskaya insiste d tha t sh e had bee n hypnotize d b y someone , eve n by a whol e grou p o f people , wh o wer e makin g he r ac t agains t he r will. Everythin g sh e di d o r though t wa s force d o n he r b y th e wil l of thi s cabal . Parnok wa s no t allowe d t o visi t he r unti l th e middl e o f Febru ary. Durin g thi s tim e Olg a Tsuberbiller , b y the n th e poet' s mos t trusted friend , visite d i n Parnok's plac e an d acte d a s a liaison . Erarskaya's illnes s occurre d i n th e mids t o f a n "exceptionall y difficult" perio d i n Parnok' s ow n lif e an d clearl y overwhelme d th e poet wit h guilt . Shortl y afte r Mashenk a wa s hospitalized , Sony a "left home " an d bega n "livin g al l ove r th e place. " I t seeme d t o her onl y righ t tha t sh e b e homeles s whe n Mashenk a als o ha d n o home. Evidently , sh e ha d take n o n th e sufferin g o f homelessnes s as a wa y o f relievin g he r guil t fo r he r forme r lover' s breakdown . "For th e first tim e i n m y lif e I' m livin g withou t a kopec k t o my name," Parno k wrot e Gertsy k i n March . "Peopl e fee d me , wate r me, suppl y m e wit h cigarettes . . . . I thin k somethin g basi c i n m e has begu n t o degenerat e becaus e m y parasitis m doesn' t bothe r m e at all. " She sa w Tsuberbille r ever y da y an d use d he r addres s fo r he r mail. T o he r sh e confide d tha t Erarskaya' s breakdow n wa s th e

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"greatest misfortune " i n he r life . Sh e too k n o comfor t i n th e doc tors' generall y optimisti c prognosi s o r i n an y visibl e improvemen t in Erarskaya' s condition , and , durin g th e first mont h o f Mas henka's hospitalization , sh e was i n a stat e o f constan t tensio n an d anxiety. Sh e desperatel y wante d a "wa y out " fo r Mashenka , wanted t o mak e he r lif e bette r an d fel t absolutel y powerles s t o do anything . Tsuberbiller wrot e t o Gertsy k abou t Parnok' s condition : "Th e main misfortun e i s tha t Sony a i s dissipatin g he r energies , ha s al ready use d the m up , an d ha s n o sourc e o f ne w strength . . . . A t th e moment sh e doesn' t wan t t o d o anythin g fo r herself , can' t thin k about herself , an d take s onl y other s int o consideratio n whil e n o one take s he r int o consideratio n althoug h sh e need s attentio n n o less than Milochk a [Mashenka]." 17 By mid-March Erarskay a ha d becom e entirel y absorbe d i n her self an d i n obsessive reminiscences o f th e past. Sh e took a perverse, self-lacerating pleasur e i n dwellin g o n al l th e "shameful " thing s that ha d happene d t o he r i n life , and , evidently , almos t everythin g seemed shamefu l t o her . Sh e chastise d an d blame d hersel f wit h a vengeance. Parno k wa s convince d tha t sh e woul d fee l bette r i f she stoppe d constantl y "workin g o n herself. " Sh e worrie d tha t Mashenka wa s to o controlle d an d noted : "I f I heard tha t sh e ha d broken th e windows , o r bea t u p o n he r doctor , I' d fee l bette r because that woul d mea n th e boi l had burst." 18 After ever y visi t Parno k becam e "utterl y ill, " but Erarskay a di d not se e her pain . Sh e believed tha t he r ow n suffering s ha d remitte d all o f Sonya' s pain , an d tha t Parno k ha d thereb y bee n "liberated " from her . Sh e behave d t o he r forme r love r a s sh e woul d t o a stranger, an d thi s naturally hur t Parno k mor e than anything . The atmospher e i n th e asylu m als o oppresse d Sonya , an d sh e marvelled tha t Mashenk a di d no t min d th e othe r inmate s o r con sider the m insane . Erarskay a ha d a privat e roo m an d fel t bes t when sh e wa s alone . Then , sh e tol d Parnok , sh e wa s calme r an d

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everything "becam e clear " t o her . "I t i s unbearabl y har d t o leav e her afte r a visit," Parno k wrot e t o Gertsyk , and t o leav e her alon e like that, amon g th e ma d people . Often , ofte n when I'm having a conversation with someone I'll suddenly seem to see her room , ever y tin y detai l o f it , eve n th e desig n o n th e wallpaper , and Mashenka—sittin g o n th e couch, walking from corne r t o corner , standing b y the stove , going up t o th e window—alone, alone , alone. Not physically, bu t spiritually—endlessl y alon e with al l her darkness, maelstroms of darkness and illuminations no less unbearable than tha t darkness. My very own! I know only one thing—if Mashenk a does not recover, I'll go under. Parnok an d Tsuberbille r wer e tol d tha t Erarskay a woul d re cover, bu t i t migh t tak e a s lon g a s si x months , an d ther e wa s always th e possibilit y o f a relaps e i n a coupl e o f years . Parno k doubted th e doctors ' abilit y t o understan d th e huma n soul , how ever, an d eve n believe d tha t "simpl e folk " kne w mor e tha n they . "The doctor s don' t kno w th e wa y int o th e soul, " sh e wrot e Gert syk, "that' s wh y the y can' t find a way out." 1 9 Erarskaya agreed . Sh e an d he r famil y tende d t o pu t mor e fait h in praye r an d spiritua l counselin g tha n i n psychiatry . On e o f he r sisters consulte d a priest wh o sai d the y shoul d pra y fo r Mashenk a to th e marty r Tatyana . Erarskay a ha d begu n t o pu t suc h grea t hope i n th e churc h tha t Parno k feare d a ne w disappointment . Similar disappointment s ha d interfere d wit h Mashenka' s recover y from th e beginnin g a s sh e woul d gras p a t on e potentiall y savin g grace afte r another . Gradually, wit h Tsuberbiller' s suppor t an d assistance , Parno k began t o regai n som e o f he r emotiona l equilibrium . He r night mares stopped , a s di d he r fea r tha t sh e to o woul d g o mad . Sh e credited he r recover y entirel y to Olga' s intercession . "I f onl y some one coul d analyz e Mashenk a th e wa y Olg a Nikolaevn a ha s ana lyzed me!" she exclaimed t o Gertsyk. 20 By spring Erarskaya als o showe d sign s of real improvement tha t

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even th e pessimisti c Parno k coul d pu t som e fait h in . A s sh e go t better, sh e becam e self-consciou s abou t bein g a "ma d woman. " When someon e offere d t o brin g her some henna dy e since the root s of he r hai r ha d darkened , sh e replied , "Ma d wome n don' t dy e their hair." 2 1 Sh e also manifeste d a compulsive desir e to b e useful , started sewin g hersel f a shirt , an d dreame d o f goin g t o Suda k t o take car e of a friend . Parnok als o woul d hav e like d t o visi t Suda k tha t sprin g with it s "bitter wormwood " an d "blossomin g almon d trees, " th e "south ern homeland " sh e "remembere d wit h gratitude." 22 A t th e mo ment, though , suc h a tri p wa s impossible . He r straitene d circum stances ha d force d he r t o appl y fo r financia l ai d fro m th e Centra l Commission fo r Betterin g Scholars ' Living Conditions . At the end of May sh e finally finishe d th e translation o f Siegfried and Limousin an d submitte d i t t o Nikitina . Si x week s later , Niki tina informe d he r tha t du e t o a technicality , th e censo r ha d no t approved it . Nikitina agree d tha t Parno k shoul d stil l be paid i n ful l for he r work , bu t a t it s Jul y n meeting , th e governin g boar d decided t o pa y he r onl y hal f he r due , the remainde r t o com e whe n the boo k passe d th e censor . Parno k wen t t o th e offic e t o ge t he r 153 roubles , onl y t o lear n tha t Nikitin a wa s o n vacatio n an d n o money ha d bee n lef t fo r her . A n offic e worke r gav e he r thirt y roubles fro m hi s own pocket . By midsumme r Erarskay a wa s muc h better , bu t Tsuberbiller' s health ha d broke n down , whic h deepl y disturbe d Parnok . Then , i n mid-July, th e poe t receive d th e new s tha t Adelaid a Gertsy k ha d died suddenl y fro m a kidne y ailmen t a t he r hom e i n Suda k a t th e end o f June . He r respons e t o thi s deat h i n a lette r t o Eugeni a was revealing : I think tha t fo r th e first tim e . . . perhaps in her whole life, Ada, in leaving thi s life , permitte d hersel f t o d o somethin g wholl y fo r he r own self . Sh e accepte d th e grac e o f God , th e res t sh e ha d earne d through th e way she had lived. To you, my dear, I cannot hide that the new s o f Ada' s deat h evoke d a kin d o f tende r emotio n i n me .

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Perhaps becaus e I mysel f a m als o tire d wit h a sor t o f ultimat e tiredness, an d i t seem s t o m e that deat h i s a gift o f God , no t sad , but joyous.23 The poet's recen t harrowin g experience s an d homeles s existenc e had provoke d a drasti c chang e i n what sh e thought wa s importan t in life. It was a change that would als o influence th e way sh e would approach he r writing . A s sh e pu t i t t o Gertsy k towar d th e en d o f her lette r o f condolence , "I t i s hard t o grasp that th e truly beautifu l lies not i n abstrac t thought , no t i n art , bu t i n eac h day . An d i f on e could gras p tha t onc e an d fo r all , ho w muc h mor e peacefu l one' s soul would be." 2 4 In th e fal l Parnok' s homelessnes s ended . Sh e move d i n wit h Tsuberbiller a t 3 Neopalimovsky Lan e I, off Smolensk y Boulevard . The windows o f their roo m looke d ou t o n th e golden cupol a o f th e small Churc h o f th e Burnin g Bus h (no w demolished) , whic h Par nok ofte n contemplate d whe n sh e stoo d lookin g ou t th e window , and whic h sh e mentioned i n a few o f he r poems . She ha d decide d t o pu t of f th e ques t fo r he r mone y fro m Niki tina Saturday s unti l Nikitin a returne d fro m vacation , an d sh e finally succeede d i n contactin g he r b y phon e i n mid-September . Nikitina assure d he r tha t sh e would d o everythin g i n he r powe r t o see tha t Parno k wa s pai d i n full . Tw o day s later , sensin g sh e wa s being give n a classi c runaround , th e poe t submitte d a reques t t o the governin g boar d tha t sh e eithe r b e pai d i n ful l o r b e pai d hal f and hav e he r manuscrip t returne d t o he r s o tha t sh e coul d tr y t o find anothe r publishe r fo r th e translation . Th e governin g boar d ignored he r request s an d reaffirme d it s decisio n t o pa y he r hal f th e sum sh e wa s due . A t first, the y deliberatel y miscalculate d th e amount, bu t finally agree d t o pa y th e remainin g 12 3 roubles , in forming he r tha t sh e coul d com e fo r he r mone y a t an y time . Fo r ten day s sh e trie d repeatedl y t o ge t he r money , bu t receive d onl y 50 roubles . Finall y o n Octobe r 1 6 sh e brough t a n officia l writte n complaint agains t th e press to the arbitration tribuna l o f th e Unio n of Writers. 25

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Amidst thi s business , he r mus e suddenl y visite d he r afte r a n absence o f severa l months . Th e resultin g lyric , "Excerpt " (#159) , dealt wit h th e genera l them e o f poets ' relation s wit h thei r peer s and posterit y and , specifically , wit h th e empowerin g legac y o f Karolina Pavlova , wh o ha d bee n hounde d ou t o f literatur e (an d Russia) b y a hostile public that coul d no t accept , a s Pavlova hersel f believed, th e "abnormality " o f a female poet. 26 In th e first tw o stanza s o f "Excerpt, " Parno k wrot e i n genera l about poets ' failure s t o find lov e an d acceptanc e i n thei r ow n families, s o t o speak . In th e las t stanz a sh e switche d fro m th e general rul e sh e ha d illustrate d wit h mal e member s o f th e poeti c family (grandfather , father , son ) t o he r ow n situatio n a s a femal e poet i n this poetic patriarchy : Silence is my only confidante . My mournful voic e is dear to no one. If once you loved me, my son, or peer, no doubt you long have ceased to love me . . . But, persecuted by her peers in life, grandmother Pavlova now is glorified. (#159 ) The final tw o line s o f th e poe m provid e a shar p grammatica l gender contras t t o th e res t o f it : si x o f th e nin e words the y contai n are feminin e noun s an d adjectives , wherea s th e previou s sixtee n lines contain onl y three feminin e forms . "Excerpt," wit h it s encouragin g remembranc e o f femal e poeti c triumph, initiate d a majo r creativ e perio d i n Parnok' s life . I t pro duced poem s tha t focuse d o n th e poet' s idiosyncrati c voic e an d unique soul , whic h sh e realize d ha d bot h bee n shunned , ideologi cally an d i n actuality , b y he r contemporaries . Parnok' s intimac y with he r soul , lik e he r dream s i n whic h sh e an d he r sou l wer e closest, provide d a have n fro m a hostil e outsid e worl d o f critics , censors, an d literar y bureaucrats . O n a mor e politica l level , th e poet's privat e relationshi p wit h he r sou l offere d a n alternativ e t o public aggression , noise , an d bustle , no t onl y fo r women , bu t fo r any person wh o dare d t o ope n hi s ears to her voice .

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Starting i n lat e 1925 , Parno k bega n datin g mos t o f he r poem s by mont h an d da y again , a practic e sh e ha d no t followe d fo r te n years. Thos e poem s tha t ar e specificall y date d presen t th e reade r with a lyrica l realit y tha t ca n b e fixed i n time , n o matte r ho w timeless, ephemeral , o r esoteri c i t ma y be , an d a lyrica l realit y that, n o matte r ho w otherworldly , stil l has dee p root s i n th e poet' s life. When pu t int o th e orde r i n whic h the y wer e written—a n orde r not observe d i n th e collectio n Half-voiced (1928) , whic h contain s most o f th e poem s Parno k wrot e i n 192 6 an d 192 7 (i n Collected Poems, ##162—99)—he r lyric s reall y d o becom e "lif e creating, " as sh e calle d the m i n a poe m writte n shortl y befor e he r death . Fo r her, "lif e creating " mean t providin g spac e fo r he r sou l t o breathe . For he r readers , "lif e creating " mean s givin g som e ide a o f th e poet's inne r biograph y a t a tim e whe n he r inne r lif e wa s increas ingly becomin g her whol e life . At th e beginnin g o f th e winter , Parno k suddenl y remembere d her brother , wh o ha d lef t Russi a agai n th e previou s summe r an d had returne d t o Paris . He r memor y o f hi s jaz z dancin g stimulate d her t o writ e a poe m t o hi m i n whic h sh e emphasize d thei r differ ences. A s h e "overstrained " hi s voice , sh e woul d "liste n sullenly, " not believin g i n hi s "shouting-matc h style. " He r declinin g year s had mad e he r "mor e bashful " an d he r ea r "painfull y exacting. " " I don't believ e i n you r dens e ravings, " sh e concluded , "o r i n you r gasps, o r you r contortions " (#200) . Sh e rejecte d he r brother' s style o n th e ground s tha t agin g ha d mad e he r mor e modes t an d discriminating. He r ton e o f reproac h suggested , however , tha t sh e was no t s o distan t fro m he r brothe r a s sh e wante d t o b e an d wanted hi m t o believe . On th e sam e da y tha t sh e wrote t o he r brother , sh e celebrate d the liberatin g en d o f a relationshi p wit h a n unname d lover . Stand ing b y he r "down-covere d window, " th e relieve d poeti c speake r admits tha t sh e feel s neithe r "awful " no r "depressed " abou t th e breakup, an d murmur s unde r he r breath : "Wha t a fine sno w fel l

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overnight, an d ho w my liberate d sou l want s t o g o fo r a sleig h rid e in the new-falle n powder! " (#160) . Three mor e poems followe d i n December . Th e firs t o f the m wa s a frankl y politica l lyri c i n whic h Parno k directl y allude d t o th e crimes o f th e ne w regime , ho w i t ha d stole n th e people' s wealt h and exile d the m t o Solovki . Needles s t o say , thi s poe m remaine d unpublished durin g he r lifetime . Th e othe r tw o Decembe r lyric s constituted th e final tw o poem s i n th e "Dreams " cycle , whic h Parnok ha d begu n tw o year s earlier . Sh e dedicate d "I' m walkin g somewhere" (#154 ) t o Sophi a Fedorchenko , a write r thre e year s younger tha n she , wh o woul d soo n becom e a truste d co-worke r and friend . Finally , i n #156 , sh e describe d a drea m tha t seem s t o express symbolicall y a ne w stag e i n th e speaker' s lif e journe y an d creative evolution . Th e luminosit y o f th e poem' s imager y indicate s that Parno k wa s describin g a moment o f epiphan y tha t pu t he r lif e and sel f i n a new light : A cloud lit up from inside. It was suddenly light and mysterious— the hour when a single image is revealed behind chance appearances! I'm leaving on a narrowish path. It's as silent as in a cloister. Intoxicating and desperate, as it can only be from music . And the places are so familiar . . . It's been hundreds of years since I left home, and I've returned to the same house, always back to the same pure lake. And the water babbles. . . . Isn't that you calling to me in the moist babble? . . . The guslas weep above Lake Ilmen, white swans are swimming out. 27 The poe m concern s homecoming , a n importan t an d recurrin g theme i n Parnok' s lat e verse , an d th e mentio n o f "guslas, " "Lak e Ilmen," an d "swans " suggests that the speaker's homecoming reso -

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nated wit h th e nativ e fol k sounds , places, and creativ e etho s o f th e Russian north . In this adopte d home—Parnok , afte r all , had com e from th e sout h o f Russia—th e poet , homeles s fo r man y years , realized sh e ha d returne d t o a n origi n tha t wa s timeles s an d vir ginal. Although Parno k wa s il l of f an d o n al l winter , th e ne w yea r began auspiciousl y fo r her . O n January 3 she joined a larg e grou p of Mosco w poet s i n organizin g a ne w poets ' publishin g artel , which woul d b e calle d Th e Knot . It s ai m wa s t o publis h small , inexpensive edition s o f th e poetr y o f it s members , eac h o f who m would mak e a yearly contributio n t o cove r th e cost s o f printin g al l the book s i n that year' s series . At the first genera l meetin g of The Knot, Parnok "gav e a movin g speech abou t th e fates o f Russia n poetry." 28 Tw o day s later , a smaller organizationa l grou p me t to determin e whose books woul d be publishe d i n th e first sprin g serie s an d t o decid e th e lengt h an d format o f th e books . Parno k immediatel y becam e ver y engage d i n the work o f Th e Kno t an d wrot e Gertsy k i n January tha t i t alread y was her "onl y interes t i n life." 29 By now Erarskay a wa s completel y well an d had bee n discharge d from th e hospital . Parno k believe d tha t everyone' s prayer s wer e answered, bu t sh e continue d t o worr y abou t Mashenka . Sh e mad e a solem n vo w neve r t o leav e he r an d wrot e t o Gertsyk , "Never , even afte r m y death , wil l my sou l ceas e achin g ove r her." 3 0 A t th e same time , sh e fel t unworth y o f havin g a frien d lik e Olga . Erar skaya ha d als o com e t o regar d Tsuberbille r a s a "saint " an d "hero" i n he r an d Parnok' s "gre y everyda y life." 31 I n th e psycho logically comple x triangl e o f mutua l need , love , an d obligatio n that ha d develope d betwee n th e thre e women , th e poe t someho w found a n emotiona l ancho r tha t stabilize d he r lif e fo r th e nex t five years. At th e en d o f January , he r creativ e outpourin g o f 192 6 bega n with tw o poem s writte n o n th e sam e day , on e o f whic h reveale d the ai m o f he r matur e poetry :

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People treasure-hunt at midnight, I come in the light of day, I don't hunt your soul in secret, you'll hear me from fa r away. Thieves maraud with lockpicks, crowbars, but, my friend, I must disclose, I've no crowbar, but a word with which to enter in your soul. . . Locks and clamps can all be broken by the marvelous breach-grass: from m y soul straight into your soul come the words that I've addressed. (#173 ) The majo r spiritua l even t tha t ha d enable d Parno k finall y t o engage i n soul-to-sou l poeti c intercourse , t o hav e rea l word s wit h her addressees , wa s a materna l dee d tha t th e forty-year-ol d poe t celebrated i n a "Song" sh e wrote a t the end o f January : Drowsily an aged pine rustles in her sleep. Leaning on her coarse-grained trunk , here I stand and speak. "Little pine-tree, just my age, give me of your strength! Not the usual nine months, forty years I carried, forty years I had been bearing, forty years I had been begging, begged my heart out, got by pleading, brought to term my soul." (#178) In on e o f he r man y undate d poem s (#158) , Parno k reveale d that sh e conceive d o f creativit y i n wholl y feminin e terms . Sh e believed tha t ever y perso n ha d a "creativ e [botanical ] ovary " tha t would eventuall y produc e a "winge d hour. " Accordin g t o her ow n lyrics, he r "creativ e ovary " ha d bee n fertilize d b y th e "fier y seed " of anguis h (toska) i n th e musi c o f th e orga n tha t ha d falle n o n he r

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soul whe n sh e wa s a n adolescen t an d ha d "mad e [her ] lip s open " for th e first time (#78) . In effect , Parno k acte d ou t th e sam e fantas y i n he r favorit e metaphor o f creativit y tha t Tsvetaev a ha d onc e expresse d i n thei r amorous lif e together , whe n Marin a wante d t o hav e a chil d fro m Parnok—"une petit e ell e d e toi." 3 2 Parnok' s spiritua l pregnanc y lasted a biblical-sounding , bu t biologicall y real , fort y years . Th e birth o f he r sou l wa s that "Castalia n spring " sh e had yearned , tw o years earlier , t o receiv e i n exchang e fo r th e "Eucharisti c wine. " In a sens e sh e di d mak e tha t trade , fo r th e soul-to-sou l creativ e communion sh e desire d an d practice d noticeabl y lacke d an y spe cific Christia n element . Rather , a s in th e son g of he r soul' s birth , i t drew its energy and incantator y power fro m th e privileged relation ship the speake r enjoye d wit h he r "coevaless, " the little pine tree . The lyrics of Parnok' s first winged hou r reflecte d he r apparentl y celibate lif e o f th e year s 1926—2 7 an d ofte n expresse d a kin d o f "seraphic eros." 3 3 Man y o f thes e poem s recalle d o r wer e writte n to Olg a Nikolaevna , who m Parno k nickname d he r "littl e deer, " and who m sh e embodied i n th e lyrica l imag e o f a deer, or stag , th e constant companio n o f th e wild , virginal , Artemis-lik e poe t o f seraphic eros . In Russia n th e nou n fo r deer , olen\ sound s lik e a n elision o f th e shor t for m o f th e nam e Olga , Ole, followe d b y th e palatalized n tha t begin s th e patronymic , Nikolaevna (Ole + n' = olen\ deer). On Februar y 18 , Parnok first gav e lyrica l expressio n t o he r an d Ole N's intimacy , an d reveale d it s supraverbal , "unreal, " creativ e potential: I sing about the kind of spring which is in fact unreal, but in my dream, toward quiet light, like a sleepwalker you steal. The paltry music of mere words is now not only verse,

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but interchanges of our dreams and secrets—mine, yours . . . And so the glimmering vista of deserted lunar blue, shows through the icelike crystal there right in front o f you. (#163 ) The poetic speaker' s sou l (an d he r soulmate ) replace d th e "fear some tourguid e love, " (#95) , who m sh e ha d followe d fo r twent y years, an d the y becam e he r ne w guide s t o a n "ultimate " inspira tional communion : To my little deer A mare snorts beneath her covering and savoringly chews her hay. And like a blindman with his leaderess my body follows my soul again. Not to my proud Muse for a rendezvous— she's not what I am yearning for — to wordless music, to the ultimate, lead me, darling, lead, my soul! The door was open, we stepped out quietly. Where have all the meadows gone? As if on holiday, luxuriant, tall banks of snow stand all around . . . From melancholy and from tendernes s I cannot make a move to go. And over there, off in the distances, are deer tracks on the blueing snow. (#164) A secon d poe m Parno k wrot e o n th e sam e dat e als o expresse d the spirituall y enraptured , quie t moo d tha t define d he r sotto voce lyricism an d th e collectio n Half-voiced tha t celebrate d it s magic . Having compare d th e quie t word' s bewitchin g powe r "t o convok e secret dreams " wit h th e "pie d piper' s pipe " an d th e "blu e quick silver o f th e moon, " th e speake r addresse d he r intimat e friend' s soul: Half-voicedly, hardly audibly, I come to you and ask your soul

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to rise from be d and come outside to me and off i n paradise we'll roam. Above the lake the birds are fluttering, the water's limpid, like a tear . . . Your soul lifts up her eyelashes— and gives me such a wide-eyed stare. (#165) Just a s "interchangin g dreams " (#163 ) represente d th e mystica l equivalent o f Parnok' s earlie r "intertwine d bodies, " s o he r tw o souls roamin g paradis e togethe r represente d he r seraphi c versio n of lover s i n a n earthl y garde n o f Eden . Interestingly , he r ad dressee's sou l i n #16 5 responde d t o th e speaker' s invitatio n t o stroll in paradise with th e same wide-eyed astonishmen t that , man y years earlier , he r "awkwar d smal l girl, " Marina , ha d registere d after he r Sapph o (Parnok ) gav e her a passionate kis s (#59) . Parnok's memorie s o f Tsvetaev a mus t hav e bee n particularl y acute i n Marc h afte r sh e attende d a gatherin g a t whic h Pasterna k read a privatel y circulate d manuscrip t cop y o f Tsvetaeva' s ne w "Poem o f th e End. " Parno k though t th e work wa s "terribl y unbri dled, bu t uncommonl y talented." 34 Pasternak' s ow n respons e wa s more extreme . After readin g "Poe m o f th e End," h e deluged Tsvet aeva wit h letter s i n whic h h e offere d himsel f t o he r "a s he r idea l reader, idea l criti c and a s a man desperatel y i n love." 35 Parnok hersel f wa s i n lov e tha t yea r wit h th e beautifu l winter , feeling a jo y he r execrabl e healt h coul d no t mar . Despit e th e ever present threa t o f death , sh e survive d an d wrot e Gertsy k ironically : "As i s m y habit , I wa s suppose d t o die , bu t didn' t die—al l I di d was pas s th e time. " While Mashenk a ha d completel y recovere d b y the beginnin g o f Marc h an d looke d "radiant, " th e reverse was tru e of Sonya . Th e docto r Ha d advised a complete res t a t a sanatorium , "but that' s impossible, " Parno k added . "Olg a Nikolaevn a can' t leave sinc e he r mothe r won' t hav e anythin g t o liv e o n i f sh e does , and I can't leav e Mashenka." 3 6 She was puttin g "a n awfu l lo t o f tim e an d soul " int o Th e Knot . As ha d s o ofte n happene d i n th e past , however , sh e wa s mor e

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enthusiastic abou t thi s undertakin g tha n mos t o f he r colleagues . When sh e discovered t o he r chagri n tha t sh e was th e onl y membe r of th e boar d wh o regularl y kep t he r schedule d dut y hours , sh e wrote a cur t lette r informin g th e other s tha t hencefort h sh e ha d decided t o reduc e he r offic e dut y t o the minimu m a s well. One o f th e firs t book s tha t Th e Kno t publishe d wa s Parnok' s Music, whic h appeare d i n March . I t comprise d thirty-thre e lyric s written betwee n 191 6 an d 1925 , th e majorit y o f the m previousl y published. Music wa s thu s a retrospective collection , an d althoug h Parnok dedicate d i t t o Tsuberbiller , th e woma n an d love r mos t present i n th e poem s i s Erarskaya . Seve n poem s eithe r allud e t o Mashenka, ar e addresse d t o her , o r recal l moment s i n thei r ten year relationship: fro m th e beginning s o f th e relationship i n Febru ary 1916 , t o th e pea k o f thei r raptur e th e followin g year , an d ultimately t o th e ravage s o f lov e an d hat e tha t develope d b y th e end o f 1919 , takin g Parno k beyon d he r capacit y t o love . There i s also a lyri c abou t th e musi c o f madnes s (#136 ) tha t obviousl y alluded t o Erarskaya' s mos t recen t lif e an d th e lates t stag e o f he r intimacy wit h Parnok . A s a group , th e poem s t o an d abou t Erar skaya stres s Mashenka' s intens e duality : sh e i s bot h a vulnerable , "little stalk"(##i42 , 151 ) an d "th e devi l himself , Carmen " (#138); sh e i s associate d bot h wit h "gyps y tambourines " an d church bell s (#142) ; an d sh e love s an d hate s wit h equa l intensit y (#146). In dedicatin g he r collectio n abou t musi c an d Erarskay a t o Tsuberbiller, Parno k asserte d th e emotiona l primac y o f th e thre e of the m togethe r a t the time the boo k appeared . The lyrical cente r o f th e collection i s music, however, an d musi c epitomizes ambivalence , a n energ y an d a spiri t tha t ca n b e bot h destructive an d creative . In on e poe m (#134 ) th e majo r impac t o f a symphon y concer t o n th e poeti c speake r i s t o fill he r vein s wit h "melodious, thousand-year-old anguish " and t o make her aware of her creative and destructiv e potential. Anguish/Yearning frequentl y accompanies musi c i n th e book' s poems , a s doe s th e them e o f homelessness. Th e poe t invoke s musi c a s a "dark " an d "terribl e

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spirit," which , lik e th e magica l "breach-grass, " separate s peopl e from eac h othe r an d fro m themselve s (#136) . Ye t elsewhere , sh e shows tha t musi c bring s peopl e togethe r an d allow s her , th e alien ated poet , t o participat e i n commo n humanity , "t o cry ou t [her ] soul wit h everyon e else " a t th e Las t Judgment (#135) . Submittin g to th e destructiv e laceratio n o f a gyps y voic e liberate s th e poet' s soul fro m it s struggl e wit h hersel f (#140) . Musi c i s a "wondrous , useless, devastatin g rapture " (#134) , a sourc e o f unequalle d "hopelessness an d intoxication " (#156) . Howeve r destructiv e it s power, musi c i s th e essenc e o f a spirituall y viabl e existence ; whe n the poetic speaker canno t hea r music , she has fallen int o a "terribl e fainting fit o f th e soul " that render s he r spirituall y dea d (#150) . A multitude o f sounds , instruments , musica l performances , per formers, an d musica l experience s fills th e lyric s o f th e collection . Parnok ha d a particula r fondnes s fo r strin g instruments : violins , lyres, guitars , an d cellos . "Th e violi n bow s suc k ou t m y sou l / t o its most hollow depths, " concludes th e poetic speaker o f on e poe m (#134); "An d th e cell o / stream s it s honeyed , prolonge d raptur e / pampering on e t o deat h wit h swee t bliss " (#135) , sh e rhapsodize s in another . Gyps y singin g ha d a similarl y poten t effec t o n her : "Torment an d tea r me , gyps y voic e / an d wit h you r son g sin g m e to death " (#140) . Because th e poem s i n Music wer e writte n ove r a relativel y lon g period, durin g whic h Parnok' s creativit y change d drastically , th e collection doe s not hav e the stylisti c cohesiveness o f th e book s tha t preceded an d followe d it . In thi s respec t Music resemble d Poems, although o n a muc h smalle r scale . As with Poems, i t i s sometime s difficult t o understan d wha t guide d Parno k i n selectin g he r ow n poems fo r publicatio n o r republication . As in al l her collections , however, severa l o f th e poems i n Music do highligh t moment s i n th e poet' s creativ e autobiograph y a s wel l as stage s i n th e developmen t o f he r thought s o n poetry . Music begins an d end s wit h poem s abou t art , th e artist' s relatio n t o th e world an d t o th e divine . In bot h introductor y an d concludin g

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lyrics, ar t i s calle d "profit " o r "cupidity " (korysf) an d a s suc h i t constitutes "th e penultimat e deligh t o f th e spirit " (#161) . Thus , "the worl d i s beautifu l a hundredfold, " wher e a mer e mortal , th e artist, ca n enjo y th e profits o f artisti c endeavor, define d a s a "mor tal god's " strivin g "t o imprin t th e immorta l [God ] wit h a n an guishing hand" (#133) . Significantly, th e artisti c endeavor s mentione d i n th e first poe m of Music ar e i n ful l swing : "Th e brus h flies upward , th e pitc h o f strings respire s / an d th e pensiv e hamme r knock s int o a bloc k o f stone," bu t i n th e las t poe m o f Music, th e sculptor' s "han d feel s almost n o attractio n t o clay, " an d nothin g h e sculpt s wil l b e real ized i n marble . Th e painte r wil l suddenl y "sto p [his ] brus h i n midstroke," an d th e poe t "wil l sto p [her ] son g i n th e middl e o f a word." Creativit y stop s becaus e it is superfluous: "Whosoeve r fall s out o f lov e with th e flesh cools to incarnation " (#161) . Everything i n th e worl d o f Music i s frightfull y double-edged : the poe t i s caugh t betwee n th e tediu m an d hopeles s desirabilit y o f her homelessnes s o n th e "great " ye t "cursed " earth . Sh e seek s a homeland a s sh e yearn s fo r gyps y caravans . Sh e come s fro m a "home" that was at once limpid an d "pure " (#156 ) an d crimsone d with fantasie s o f heroic , blood y death s (#157) . Sh e loves, equally , "gypsy tambourines, " "majesti c verse, " an d Moscow' s "bell s o f eventide." Th e "melodiou s quiet " o f dream s delight s her ; th e si lence of he r peers to her poems grieve s her . Even nigh t ha s tw o side s t o it . O n on e han d i t i s the tim e whe n a "dar k wav e rise s an d assaults " th e poet , liberatin g he r sou l "t o outstubborn" he r "daytim e will " (#137) . Parno k gav e th e titl e "Dark Wave " t o seve n poem s (##13—142 ) tha t sh e previousl y had publishe d a s a cycl e (i n 191 9 an d 1922) , an d despit e thei r different themes , al l allud e t o gypsies . The nighttim e gyps y mood , or resonance , combines th e individual strain s of a n unname d gyps y singer wit h ver y blac k hai r (#137) ; Lyudmil a Erarskay a ( # # 1 3 8 , 142) an d Carme n (#138) ; th e fourteent h centur y "quee n o f th e gypsies," Bari Crallis a (#139) ; anothe r "blac k angel " gypsy singe r

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whom th e poe t hear d i n 191 6 (#140) ; an d a n unidentified woma n with gyps y bloo d (whos e nam e bega n wit h "B" ) wit h who m th e poet evidentl y ha d a relationship ( # i 4 i ) . 3 7 Night, however, i s also the time of dreams an d a totally differen t music, whic h come s o n a "melodiou s wave " (#152 ) rathe r tha n on a dar k one . Thi s i s a musi c i n whic h "melodiou s silence " (#155) replace s janglin g guitars , wher e th e intimat e addressee s speak "i n mois t babbles " (#156 ) rathe r tha n wailin g i n "redhot , wild" voices , an d wher e th e poe t hearken s t o th e plaintiv e guslas , not guitars and seven-stringe d lyres . The cycle "Dreams" ( # # 1 5 2 56) sounds th e musical antipod e to "Dar k Wave. " Dreams allowe d the poet' s sou l th e spac e t o breath e freel y (#152) . He r drea m world wa s a plac e wher e sh e coul d no t hea r th e demand s he r intimates mad e o n he r (#154) ; ye t he r incapacit y t o respon d caused he r n o guil t (a s th e impossibilit y o f bein g abl e t o hel p people clos e t o he r frequentl y tormente d he r i n rea l life , especiall y in th e cas e o f Erarskaya) . Dream s force d th e poe t t o safeguar d herself, somethin g Parno k ha d ofte n foun d difficul t t o d o i n he r intimate relationships . In dream s th e poe t wa s separate d fro m th e despair o f peopl e wh o "needed " he r (#155) , an d sh e coul d there fore ac t autonomousl y i n a self-actualizing , Artemisian 38 journe y she neede d i n orde r t o recove r wholeness , "tha t pur e lake, " wher e she coul d hea r th e nativ e sound s o f th e gusla s an d watc h th e majestic swan s swi m out (#156) . Music attracte d n o attentio n fro m th e officia l literar y establish ment, bu t i t impresse d man y o f Parnok' s friends . Th e favorabl e response t o th e book , an d especiall y t o th e "Dreams " cycle , pleased th e embattle d an d semisilence d poe t enormously . "T o m y great satisfaction, " sh e wrot e t o Gertsy k a t th e beginnin g o f th e summer, Music has evoke d a respons e i n th e mos t differen t sort s o f peopl e and is better liked than m y previous books. That means a lot to me now as a human bein g more than as a poet. It excites me that now, when a voice like min e is officially unlawful , suc h a boo k appear s

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unexpectedly desirable . I've ha d th e chance to giv e public reading s of my "Dreams" several times, and every time I've sensed an enthusiastic respons e i n m y listeners . I di d no t expec t tha t a voic e lik e mine coul d b e hear d a t present . Th e acknowledgmen t o f a soul' s right t o existenc e i s deare r t o m e tha n an y literar y recognition . I now look on poetry a s a means of communicating with people. I'm happy tha t there is an eternal, extra-temporal languag e that can be used in all times to make oneself clea r to people and that sometimes I find words everyone understands. 39 To expres s one' s difference , ye t t o b e understoo d b y th e main stream culture , i s a rare accomplishmen t fo r a poet o n th e margin s of tha t culture , an d i t i s no t difficul t t o understan d wh y th e re sponse t o Music mad e Parno k s o happy. At the sam e time, she wa s pessimistic abou t th e future: "I t seem s to me," she confessed, "tha t it's al l ove r fo r poetr y forever . I' m sur e I won' t ge t t o publis h another book : it' s no tim e fo r poetry . N o ! " 4 0 Voloshin wa s on e o f thos e wh o expresse d enthusias m abou t Music, an d perhap s throug h him , new s o f th e book' s appearanc e and Parnok' s penuriou s conditio n reache d Tsvetaeva , wh o wa s b y then livin g i n Paris. 41 In April , Tsvetaev a wrot e t o Pasterna k wit h the strang e reques t tha t h e try t o d o somethin g t o hel p Parnok . T o explain he r interest , an d perhap s t o discourag e hi m fro m hi s ow n desperate pursui t o f her , sh e apparentl y tol d hi m tha t sh e an d Parnok ha d onc e bee n lovers , an d a s proof, appende d t o he r lette r one o f th e lov e lyric s sh e ha d writte n t o Parno k bac k i n 1915. 42 Her motive s wer e ambiguous , t o sa y th e least , particularl y i n vie w of th e poe m sh e chose . On e o f th e mor e negativ e an d self-martyr ing evocation s o f he r "Girlfriend, " i t wa s boun d t o creat e sympa thy fo r he r an d hostilit y towar d he r forme r love r when rea d ou t o f context b y a man wh o was desperately , romantically, an d "purely " in love with her . There are names, like suffocating flowers , And there are glances, like a dancing flame . . . There are sinuous, dark mouths

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With moist and deep-set corners. There are women. Their hair is like a helmet. Their fans give off a fatal, subtle fragrance . They're thirty years old. Why, oh why Do you need my Spartan child's heart?! ("Girlfriend," #13 ) If Tsvetaev a wer e stil l ou t fo r som e sor t o f privat e reveng e against Parnok , the n sh e succeede d i n manipulatin g Pasterna k int o winning i t fo r he r b y evokin g hi s jealou s protes t fo r th e pai n sh e had suffered . "On e woul d hav e t o b e a glutto n fo r punishment , a veritable Sain t Sebastian, " h e replie d o n Ma y 19 , "t o writ e abou t oneself a s yo u di d a t th e ag e o f twenty . I am afrai d eve n t o glanc e at tha t Leyde n ja r o f a lette r charge d wit h pain , jealousy , shrieks , and suffering." 43 Pasternak rea d "th e Leyde n ja r o f a letter " i n a trolle y o n hi s way t o th e newspape r office s o f lzvestia. Upse t fo r hi s "belove d little Spartan, " a s i f h e ha d jus t learne d Tsvetaev a wa s i n th e middle o f a passionat e lesbia n affair , rathe r tha n on e tha t ha d ended a decad e ago , h e "rushe d int o th e editoria l office " lik e a "bull i n a china shop." 4 4 As i t happened , th e nigh t befor e h e receive d Tsvetaeva' s letter , he an d Parno k ha d ha d on e o f thei r frequen t squabbles , an d h e had lef t th e editoria l offic e o f Th e Kno t i n a huff, blamin g Parno k for hi s departure . Tha t wa s par t o f th e reason , h e claime d t o Tsvetaeva, tha t h e coul d "d o nothin g t o help " Parnok. Sh e and h e had "neve r ha d anythin g i n common." 4 5 There is no evidence that Parnok kne w of Tsvetaeva's misguide d attempt t o "help " her, o r o f Pasternak' s refusa l t o b e involved. Bu t if sh e ha d known , sh e woul d no t hav e bee n surprised , havin g herself experience d th e hatre d an d betraya l o f lov e tha t passio n often bring s i n it s wake. Suc h passio n ha d ofte n mad e he r fee l tha t she coul d no t lov e withou t hurtin g hersel f o r others . He r ow n violent passion s ha d i n som e sense , sh e felt , deprive d he r o f a father, ruine d he r relationshi p wit h he r brother , nearl y destroye d a lover's sanity , an d ha d brough t he r t o th e brin k o f madness . He r

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strongest lyrica l statemen t agains t passio n (a s distinc t fro m love ) came a t th e ver y en d o f Marc h i n response , evidently , t o a visi t from a former lover : "I loved you," "I love you," "I'll always love." But my guest's eyes are greedy. The way a woodpecker dully drums wood day and night, day and night, without ceasing, the way that a drop drips, until it will eat through granite; that worms gnaw at souls . . . Each sinner in the world has his cross to bear, and mine's—to hear speeches like those. "Please don't blaspheme!" I answer. "Better sing, curse me out! By compassion, not passion does love make itself felt. " "I love you!" her mouth full of teeth repeats, it repeats, and her eyes stay open. Thus dully echoes a clump of earth as it's striking the lid of a coffin . It's quieted down, the air is dead, unbearable calm before thunder . . . "Now you're being chastised," I hear in my head, "the way you chastised others." (#204) The sens e o f "unbearabl e calm " tha t th e poeti c speake r ha s a t the en d o f thi s poem recall s th e cal m befor e th e stor m experience d by th e poe t a t th e en d o f "I s i t thinkabl e tamin g a lynx? " (#138) . And th e preachin g o f he r inne r voic e tha t sh e i s no w bein g chas tised a s sh e chastise d other s virtuall y echoe s th e mora l lesso n which th e speake r o f " I gaz e agai n a t you r steep-browe d profile " (#45) learne d fro m he r quarre l wit h he r unrepentan t "brother. " Unfortunately, neithe r o f thes e lyrica l reminiscence s o f Parnok' s past relationship s wit h Erarskay a an d Valenti n Parnakh , respec tively, solves the myster y o f wh o th e forme r love r migh t hav e bee n who declare d he r "eterna l love " t o Parno k a t th e en d o f Marc h 1926 an d receive d thi s stern , lyrical rebuff . That yea r Apri l bega n wit h th e Feas t o f th e Annunciation , on e

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of Parnok' s favorit e holiday s i n th e Christia n calendar . Sh e cele brated i t lyrically b y taking a holiday fro m he r muse : Today the sinners in hell are no hotter than in Sicily, today I'm off m y Muse's leash— we have set each other free. (#167 ) Full o f holida y religiou s fervor , sh e wrot e t o Gertsy k announcin g her intentio n o f fastin g wit h Mashenk a durin g th e fourt h wee k o f Lent. I n th e sam e lette r sh e mentione d havin g recentl y hear d a peasant poe t wh o ha d "sough t salvation " b y becoming a wandere r in the far north . Overcom e with momentar y wanderlust , sh e noted , "Now there' s a plac e I woul d lik e t o spen d som e tim e i n an d se e the permafrost." 46 In th e sprin g Th e Kno t ha d plan s t o publis h a n almana c i f th e censor permitte d it , an d Parno k wante d i t t o includ e a n obituar y of Adelaid a Gertsy k an d a selectio n o f he r poems , mos t o f whic h had remaine d unpublishe d a t th e tim e o f he r death. 47 Sh e had , i n fact, wante d t o publis h a separat e boo k o f Adelaida' s poem s bu t could no t becaus e th e regulation s o f Th e Kno t stipulate d tha t i t could onl y publish work s o f it s charter members . She wrot e t o Eugeni a askin g he r fo r materia l t o includ e i n a short biograph y o f he r sister . Sh e als o aske d he r t o selec t som e o f Adelaida's poem s fo r publicatio n i n th e propose d almanac , bu t cautioned he r t o remembe r tha t "religio n i s th e opiu m o f th e people." Fo r th e sam e reason , Parno k ha d decide d no t t o writ e Adelaida's obituar y hersel f sinc e sh e coul d no t writ e "i n Aesopia n language" an d di d no t "wan t t o sa y les s abou t Ada " tha n sh e "desire[d] t o say." 48 A grea t dea l o f Gertsyk' s unpublishe d poetr y i s intensel y reli gious, an d Parno k hersel f ha d experience d th e difficultie s i n pub lishing religious lyrics even in the early 1920s . At least, she believed that he r collectio n Centuries Old Mead ha d no t passe d th e censo r because i t ha d "to o muc h i n i t abou t God. " Later , whe n Go d

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almost vanishe d fro m he r lyrics , an d he r spiritua l focu s shifte d t o the lif e o f he r soul , sh e understoo d he r unpunishabilit y simpl y a s a sig n o f th e Sovie t censorship' s hostilit y t o persona l theme s an d poetry itself , an d believe d i t wa s directe d a t an d oppresse d al l "genuine" poets . In addition , sh e kne w tha t th e pessimisti c teno r of he r lyric s wa s badl y ou t o f tun e wit h th e officia l optimis m o f Stalin's earl y reign . Toward th e end o f the 1920 s official "antipoetism " an d antipes simism characterize d communis t literar y policy , an d i t i s impossi ble t o gaug e wha t role , i f any , th e specificall y lesbia n content s o f Parnok's persona l lyric s played i n determining , o r enhancing , thei r unpunishability. 49 Unlik e male homosexuality, lesbianis m wa s no t considered a crim e i n Russi a a t an y tim e durin g Parnok' s life , no r would mos t o f th e poems , includin g lov e lyrics , that Parno k wrot e in he r seraphi c perio d hav e bee n considere d "lesbian " b y he r con temporaries, who define d femal e same-se x love in the most narrow , merely physica l terms . Nevertheless , bot h befor e an d afte r th e 1917 Revolution , Russia n artisti c norm s an d publi c moral s pro scribed th e direct , unmediate d expressio n o f sexua l lov e betwee n women i n poetry and , durin g the Sovie t period, i n life a s well. As a youn g woman , Parno k ha d internalize d an d accepte d th e norms o f he r antilesbia n culture . Sh e practice d variou s form s o f self-censorship, whic h manifeste d itsel f i n he r obsessio n wit h goo d taste, he r youthfu l belie f tha t ar t an d abstrac t though t wer e highe r than "ruthlessl y monosyllabic " life , th e chroni c "untalkativeness " of he r muse , he r awarenes s o f writin g poem s "to o intimate " fo r publication i n th e mass-circulatio n media , an d he r concealin g th e identities o f man y o f he r lover-addressee s i n orde r t o protec t thei r privacy. Ironically , th e officia l Sovie t mufflin g o f he r voice , fo r whatever reason s i t wa s done , mad e th e pressure s o f publishin g i n an antilesbia n societ y a nonissue . I t release d he r fro m th e censor ship sh e ha d impose d o n herself—perhap s unconsciously—an d thus to some extent actuall y liberate d he r creativity . In the sprin g o f 1926 , however, "n o on e [was ] publishing poets ,

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not eve n ver y timel y ones." 5 0 Despit e it s pressures , frustrations , and frequen t disappointments , Parno k continue d t o b e ver y en gaged i n the work o f The Knot . The censorshi p was a constant an d often insurmountabl e problem , an d th e press' s lac k o f mone y als o prohibited i t fro m publishin g everythin g i t wante d to . In April , Parnok ha d ha d t o writ e t o Kuzmin , o n behal f o f th e editoria l board, tha t th e "super b volume " h e ha d sen t coul d no t b e pub lished i n th e sprin g serie s an d woul d hav e t o b e pu t of f unti l th e fall fo r lac k o f funds. 51 Of course , wor k fo r Th e Kno t coul d no t gratif y th e deepes t longings o f Parnok' s spirit . Ofte n sh e foun d hersel f sittin g a t meet ings, outwardl y discussin g matter s wit h he r colleague s whil e in wardly escapin g into a private world : Cigarette after cigarette . We have meetings, discuss, make judgments. Amid the smoke, throughout the evening, auburn-haired I appear to people. While my other self roams in the wilds . . . Light's ineffable blueness ! Every leaf on them tremulous, sorrowful aspen s shudder. Heaven's somnolent vaults move asunder, into view comes a luminous bee garden— "Step-daughters of mine! Stepchildren! . . . " respires nature. (#168 ) The speaker' s fantas y o f bein g welcome d hom e int o nature' s apiary reveal s th e sourc e an d th e natur e o f Parnok' s "inveterat e yearning." The poem ma y contai n a n allusio n t o the Gree k mothe r goddess Demeter , wh o wa s addresse d i n he r myth s a s "th e pur e mother bee." 5 2 The metaphor o f nature's apiar y migh t als o sugges t the matriarcha l judg e o f Israel , Deborah , wh o wa s als o associate d with th e quee n bee . Finally , Parnok' s semi-invalidis m ha d mad e her fee l alienate d fro m nature , an d fro m mothers , becaus e i t kep t her fro m bein g abl e t o hav e a "healthy " child . Thus , th e fantas y described i n th e poe m ha d healin g power . I t heale d th e woun d o f

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separation o f th e "unhealthy " sel f (th e daughter ) fro m he r natura l other (th e mother , nature) . Healin g wa s accomplishe d throug h a n erotic maternal-filial dynamic : nature (mother ) separated , revealin g the apiar y womb , an d inhale d int o he r depth s th e exclude d step daughters s o tha t the y coul d b e rebor n int o th e hive . Th e fantas y also realized tha t the price exacted fro m th e orphaned stepdaughte r for he r reintegratio n was , sh e believed , he r exclusio n fro m th e world—that wa s why he r "othe r self " roamed i n the wilds. After he r fallin g ou t wit h he r brother , th e onl y famil y Parno k ha d was he r siste r Liza . Apar t fro m th e Civi l Wa r years , th e sister s were i n constan t contac t fro m 191 5 unti l Parno k died . Lik e he r siblings, Liz a ha d finished th e gymnasiu m i n Taganrog ; unlik e them, sh e lacke d an y particula r gif t fo r musi c o r poetry , althoug h she di d becom e a write r o f children' s stories . Sh e married a youn g man fro m Taganro g a t som e tim e afte r 1915 , bu t sh e mus t hav e been widowe d earl y sinc e n o husban d appear s i n he r lif e fro m th e early 1920 s on . Nevertheless , sh e wen t unde r he r marrie d name , Tarakhovskaya. Parnok treate d he r younge r siste r wit h materna l solicitude . Sh e provided a shoulde r fo r Liz a t o cry o n whe n th e younge r Parnok h encountered he r first misfortune s i n life, lived with he r fo r a perio d in Mosco w afte r Worl d Wa r I began , dedicate d severa l poem s t o her, an d include d he r i n he r socia l an d literar y life . Liz a me t mos t of he r literar y friend s an d contact s throug h he r sister . In 192 6 Parno k aske d Voloshi n t o invit e Liz a t o Koktebe l fo r the summer , whic h h e wa s happ y t o do . H e naturall y invite d Parnok also , bu t sh e replie d tha t sh e di d no t hav e enoug h money , and eve n i f sh e coul d affor d it , sh e woul d prefe r t o visi t hi m i n the fal l "afte r th e summe r commotion. " Tha t seeme d uncertain , however, becaus e he r lac k o f mone y ha d becom e "chronic." 53 Parnok ha d bee n writin g a grea t dea l tha t yea r i n compariso n with other s an d wa s alread y plannin g a ne w boo k sh e intende d t o call Dreams. Thi s wa s evidentl y th e first titl e fo r th e boo k sh e

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eventually calle d Half-voiced, an d i t reveals th e importan t connec tion th e poe t hersel f establishe d betwee n he r sotto voce lyricis m and he r dreams . Gertsyk ha d invite d Parno k t o com e t o Suda k fo r th e summer , but th e poe t wa s afrai d t o g o there . Instead , she , Erarskaya , an d Tsuberbiller rente d a cottag e togethe r i n Bratovshchin a outsid e Moscow. Arrivin g i n th e countr y afte r he r an d Mashenka' s ill nesses o f th e previou s year , Parno k fel t "lik e a patient th e hospita l has jus t release d int o th e world, " a s sh e wrot e i n a June poe m t o Erarskaya, who , mor e tha n anyone , probabl y share d he r forme r lover's feeling s o f liberation . Th e poe t wen t o n t o describ e th e intensity o f nature' s impac t o n her : "th e ai r [seemed ] sharper , th e sky huger , th e cloud s lighter , th e talon s o n th e paws o f th e sombe r spruces brighter , an d th e mos s mor e luxurious " tha n sh e ha d remembered. Bein g bac k i n nature , o f whic h sh e ha d daydreame d during s o man y tediou s meeting s i n stuffy , smoke-fille d Mosco w rooms, stimulated he r creativity eve n as she still doubted th e realit y of thi s dreamed-of homecoming : I walk, overhearing in myself a line begin to build. A dewdrop quivers on the heather, exchanging a bow with me— and yet to me my homecoming still seems beyond belief. (#174) Memories o f Bratovshchin a ar e scattere d throug h th e eigh t lyr ics Parnok wrot e in the fall o f 192 6 a s her creativ e surge continued . All bu t on e o f thes e poem s (#205 ) wen t int o Half-voiced. Th e poetic speake r o f the m alread y fel t a t time s tha t he r sou l desire d independence fro m he r body , whic h wa s imprisone d i n a crowde d communal apartmen t wher e "mumblin g o n th e othe r sid e o f th e wall" reache d he r ear s durin g he r frequentl y sleeples s night s (#179)Back i n the city and it s stressful mundan e reality , the poet bega n

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to suffe r agai n fro m he r inabilit y t o respon d t o th e "helples s cry " of he r intimat e friend . Nevertheless , she tried t o comfort her : But don't you cry, but don't be saddened, do not lament your love. I don't know where, my friend, bu t somewhere, you and I will meet again. (#177 ) No longe r doubtin g th e existenc e o f a n afterlife , an d rememberin g the quie t twilight s a t Bratovshchina , th e speake r o f thi s poe m comforted hersel f b y imaginin g th e rea l possibilit y o f comin g bac k to eart h "a t som e quiet hour, a s an otherworldl y (female ) guest " in order t o spen d tim e wit h he r intimat e addresse e (possibl y Erar skaya). That fall , Parno k als o remembere d he r "comforting , last , blessed friend, " Olg a Nikolaevna , i n tw o lyrics , bot h o f whic h contain allusion s t o Bratovshchina . I n th e first sh e recalle d Olg a picking mushroom s ther e on e day , an d a s sh e ha d hel d a borovichdk mushroo m i n her hand tha t seeme d "lik e a communion wafe r no bake r o f communio n wafer s coul d bake " an d "stoo d mass " i n a "dusk y heathe n temple " forme d b y th e pin e tree s tha t "drippe d wax fro m thei r gree n candles " (#175) . Typicall y fo r Parnok' s mature poetry , th e spiritua l essenc e of this lyric lay in the speaker' s love for an d adoratio n o f he r companion-othe r an d i n the religiou s experience o f elementa l communio n tha t th e tw o wome n enjoye d with natur e an d wit h eac h other . As alread y noted , th e poeti c speake r o f Parnok' s seraphi c lov e lyrics ofte n ha s a n Artemisia n qualit y a s sh e seek s intimac y wit h her othe r whil e maintainin g he r autonomy. 54 A mysteriou s lov e lyric tha t Parno k wrot e o n Octobe r 3 0 appear s als o t o allud e t o Olga Nikolaevn a i n he r familia r anima l hypostasi s (th e deer) . Th e reference i n th e poe m t o th e "paw s o f tenebrou s spruces " suggest s the landscap e i n Bratovshchin a (cf . #174) . A s evenin g "slowly slowly descend s o n th e quie t earth, " th e poeti c speake r watche s her dee r emerg e fro m th e fores t "t o mee t th e night. " Fille d wit h

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"enchanted yearning, " sh e wonders i f the dee r i s "the precurso r o f a new deity " ( a new love), or the "sorrowfu l shad e of a n ol d deity " (a forme r love) . The notio n tha t he r dee r coul d represen t eithe r " a friend los t b y [her] " o r "on e bein g sense d i n th e future " recalls , strangely enough , the ide a behin d on e of Parnok' s earl y (1910—n ) poems, "A t time s ou r premonitions, " i n whic h sh e first expresse d her belie f tha t peopl e ar e draw n t o thei r lover s b y recollection s o r premonitions. A t the end o f # 1 7 1 , the speake r imitate s th e spruce s (nature) i n adoratio n o f he r dee r a s she honors he r pas t an d futur e loves (deities ) i n her : Tenebrous spruces are stretching toward the deer with their paws as if praying. Reverently genuflecting , I kneel and shut my eyes.55 The poe m ma y hav e hinte d a t ne w stirring s i n Parnok' s emo tional lif e i n th e fal l o f 1926 , a possibilit y als o suggeste d b y an other, equall y obscur e lyri c fro m October , tha t begins , " A kin d o f barely perceptibl e sign " (#176) . I t recount s a visionar y trys t be tween th e poeti c speake r an d he r addressee , a spectra l woma n who ha s crosse d th e speaker' s threshol d "again " (a n attractio n vi a recollection, perhaps) . Throug h thi s woma n "i n th e ope n door, " the speake r see s the "radianc e o f a newly bor n dawn , inexpressibl e in words. " A stanz a tha t Parno k omitte d fro m th e versio n o f th e poem sh e eventuall y publishe d i n Half-voiced describe d th e visio n in the ope n doo r i n more concret e an d allusivel y eroti c detail : A shapely alley rises into the sky, and the golden cupola curves sharply, and an apple tree, like a veiled bride, stands reddening, and sweetly blushing. 56 The visio n migh t als o represen t a lyricall y heightene d impressio n of th e view out Parno k an d Tsuberbiller' s windo w ont o th e cupol a of th e Churc h o f th e Burning Bush . Despite vision s o f radian t "ne w dawns, " Parnok' s worsenin g

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health an d pessimis m abou t publishin g he r work—particularl y bitter i n th e ligh t o f he r enhance d creativity—combine d t o pus h her int o anothe r majo r depressio n b y early winter. Sh e felt tha t he r overworked hear t wa s "beatin g a retreat," an d deat h wa s near : Is it mutiny again? Well, hardly— since my drummer beats retreat. We're done roving, we're done estranging, done wandering are you and me. My leg doesn't seek the stirrup. Bare the distance, dark the night. Time is done for us, vanished, other times for us are nigh. (#196) The prospect o f deat h cause d th e poet n o fright , merel y a "delicat e chill," whic h woul d forc e he r fro m he r bed . Sh e woul d g o t o th e "tear-stained" window , "wip e of f th e panes, " an d lamentin g death, star e ou t a t th e world . Sh e di d no t se e th e "adjacen t cross street" o r a n ol d woma n draggin g hersel f t o earl y mass , o r th e dirty, bespattere d wall , consumptiv e dawn , o r th e antenn a wit h a sparrow dozin g on it , but sh e saw something . . . that I can't find words to describe— exaltation illuminated , penetrating the gloom from inside ! . . . And a female voice, exalting, —alone in the bright sacristy— sings and sings. Hallelujah, hallelujah t o the world in peace! (#196) Such vision s sometime s helpe d Parno k t o overloo k he r blea k sur roundings an d th e disappointment s o f he r life . One seemingl y endles s disappointmen t wa s Spendiarov' s epi c procrastination abou t finishing Altnast, somethin g h e ha d bee n promising t o d o fo r almos t five years. I n Octobe r Parno k receive d a lette r fro m hi m informin g he r tha t h e ha d stil l no t finished th e orchestration o f th e last ac t an d di d not thin k h e would ge t it don e until th e followin g fall . Sh e like d hi m to o muc h t o ge t angr y a t

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him, bu t sh e di d writ e hi m a n emotiona l lette r expressin g he r frustration an d tryin g t o inspir e hi m t o "exer t al l [his ] will an d al l [his] ambition an d finis h th e orchestration o f th e opera." 5 7 The translatin g Parno k ha d t o d o t o suppor t hersel f wa s almos t always a tormen t fo r her . On e exceptio n wa s he r join t translatio n with Gurevic h o f Proust' s A Vombre des jeunes filles en fleur. In a way thei r collaboratio n o n thi s projec t represente d th e fulfillmen t of th e promise , whic h Parno k ha d mad e t o Gurevic h eightee n years before , tha t on e da y the y woul d "translat e somethin g goo d together." O n Novembe r 3 0 Parno k finishe d he r par t o f th e trans lation an d sen t i t to he r ol d frien d an d colleagu e alon g with a not e expressing her "mos t Proustia n respec t an d love." 58 One remar k o f th e invali d narrato r i n Proust' s nove l obviousl y struck Parno k b y it s appropriatenes s t o he r persona l situation ; i t filtered int o he r creativ e consciousnes s an d emerge d si x week s later, transforme d int o a poem : My earthly day is finishing, without dismay I greet the evening, and what is past no longer flings back from i n front o f me a shadow— that long shadow, the very same which our confused-articulatio n distinguishes from it s relations and says that "future" i s its name. (#198) 59 With suc h pessimisti c an d resigne d thought s Parno k bega n th e new year . He r lif e continue d a s before : endles s translating , fre quent illnesses , labor s o f lov e fo r Th e Knot ; an d mos t important , writing poems , an d increasingl y sepulchra l ones . Th e fourtee n lyr ics sh e wrot e fro m Januar y throug h Ma y 192 7 provid e th e onl y clues to her lif e i n tha t period . On Januar y 16 , sh e describe d a nightmare , i n whic h sh e envi sioned th e worl d a s a "de n o f mournfu l debauch " tha t over whelmed he r wit h th e smel l o f "perfume , sweat , an d anguish. " A n orchestra "lacerate d itself, " and "rhyth m rule d th e universe" in th e

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style s o belove d b y he r brothe r an d b y her , i n th e year s o f he r restless "searchings " (#181) . Parnok no w perceive d he r poeti c situatio n a s on e o f "ultimat e loneliness," fro m th e spac e o f whic h he r voic e issue d "no t a s a prophecy," bu t wit h th e onl y "precept " appropriat e t o he r voca tion: "D o no t kow-to w t o you r times , / bu t b e th e bro w o f you r times, / b e a huma n being " (#i92). 6 0 Despit e he r resignatio n t o death an d th e impossibility o f furthe r mutiny , i n mid-Februar y sh e voiced he r fea r tha t domesticit y woul d immur e he r aliv e "insid e four walls. " Sh e warned hersel f o f th e danger s o f suc h a tradition ally femal e captivity : There's no chamber for which a poet would exchange her homelessness— that's why the cuckoo cuckoos that she hasn't got a nest (#208 ) Death continue d t o hove r i n th e shadow s o f th e poet' s roo m well int o th e sprin g bu t withou t bringin g th e desire d end , a s sh e wrote self-ironicall y i n a n Apri l poe m whic h sh e dedicate d t o Yulia Veisberg : Softly d o I weep and sing for the life I'm burying. Dim light cuts the semi-gloom from th e window in my room, from the corner dark escapes taking an old werewolf's shape . Tediously her slippers shuffl e and again, her toothless mouth mumbles its persistent snuffle , God knows what it's all about. Up against the wall she's spraddled and she stands behind my chair as a long and hunchbacked shadow , and she whispers in my ear, and she prattles on with vigor, and I hear the old crone snigger:

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"Die? Alas, she didn't die, all she did was pass the time!" (#185) Parnok's hyperthyroidis m mad e he r extremel y sensitiv e t o th e rush an d hurr y o f urba n life . A suffere r o f tachycardia , whic h ha s been describe d t o m e a s an "awfu l mixtur e o f weaknes s an d impo tent energy," 61 Parno k ofte n mus t hav e fel t tha t he r hear t wa s rushing awa y wit h her . Eve n a s he r "rapi d heartbeat " (serdtsebienie) energize d her , i t lef t he r to o exhauste d t o run . A t time s i t seemed t o her , moreover , tha t fire course d throug h he r veins , an d the onl y perso n wh o coul d slo w it s rus h wa s Olg a Nikolaevna . Quiet an d fre e fro m anguish , sh e seeme d t o Parno k t o b e a verita ble guardian angel , and th e poet expresse d he r gratitud e i n a poe m she wrot e o n th e bac k o f a ne w photograp h o f herself , whic h would becom e th e dedicatory poe m o f Half-voiced: Thank you, my friend, for your quiet breathing, the tenderness of your sleepy arms and whispers of your sleepy lips, for your arched eyebrows and hollow temples, for not possessing the anguish of my thick blood, for the palm amulet-like you lay upon my breast, and the fire slows its course through my tensed-up veins, for my gazing at your fac e with eyes that can see— for, my angel, being you, and being next to me! (#162) The genera l acceleratio n i n Sovie t life , whic h wa s s o alie n t o Parnok's values , reinforced th e poet' s sens e o f separatio n fro m th e world, ye t ironicall y seeme d t o leav e he r n o tim e t o die , t o escap e once an d fo r all . The poet's onl y femal e companio n i n her extrem e loneliness an d exhaustio n wa s her anguish :

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We sank in a chair at twilight— all alone, my anguish and I. We'd all have been dead for ages now, but there's no time to die. And there's no one for complaining to, and no one who's to blame, that there's no time— to live, no time— to rebel, and no time—to die, that a body's in despair of beating the air in vain, and the pendulum has wearied of swinging night and day. (#186) That sprin g Parnok' s thought s kep t returnin g t o he r poeti c fate , which, alon g wit h death , increasingl y preye d o n he r mind . He r situation, sh e wrote i n on e poem, seeme d lik e a bad dream , a s if in half-darkness sh e ha d wandere d int o a "Caucasia n mountai n inn " and aske d th e "cat-eye d bartender " fo r somethin g t o eat . Bu t n o one hear d he r voic e eve n when sh e raised i t to a shout, an d n o on e looked a t th e benc h sh e wa s seate d o n a s i f i t wer e empty . Sh e understood i n th e drea m tha t sh e ha d becom e "a n invisibl e woman." Th e drea m (an d poem ) ende d wit h a familia r tablea u a s the speake r wen t u p t o th e windo w an d looke d ou t a t "th e blesse d quiet o f th e dawnin g day " (#189) . Finally, afte r wha t ha d seeme d lik e a lifetim e coope d u p inside , in mid-Ma y sh e recovere d sufficientl y t o emerg e fro m th e "hal f darkness" o f he r roo m int o th e sunligh t o f a beautifu l sprin g day . She wen t t o si t i n th e su n i n a nearb y park , whic h seeme d t o represent th e whol e "sinfu l paradise " o f earthl y lif e fo r whic h sh e had yearne d intensel y al l throug h th e "man y years " i t seeme d sh e had slept . Nex t t o he r o n th e par k benc h sa t a n ol d woman ; a young mothe r wheele d he r bab y b y i n it s carriage ; a "youn g kom somol" passe d b y "wit h hi s youthful arrogance" ; th e sun' s catkin s played indiscriminatel y ove r ol d an d youn g alike . Th e poe t sa w

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that everyon e wa s happ y tha t i t wa s spring , bu t sh e kne w tha t n o one "i n Moscow , Russia , o r th e world " wa s greetin g sprin g tha t year "wit h suc h a son g o f thanksgiving " a s she . In he r head , sh e spoke t o "unconquerabl e life, " commandin g he r "t o flourish, hav e [her] way, an d dominate " (#194) . Now Parno k expresse d th e desir e t o liv e a little longer . A poem written o n Ma y 2 5 describe d a typica l momen t fro m he r restles s nights. A "flouris h o f lightning " wok e he r poeti c speake r int o a half-sleep. A s sh e la y o n he r side , sh e sense d he r "langui d con sciousness" glimme r faintl y i n th e utte r darkness . A rive r seeme d to be rising, but di d not carr y her off—it merel y "rocke d th e skiff " she was in. She heard a voice from "melodiou s paradise" laceratin g itself an d crying . I t wa s th e voic e o f he r sou l whic h sh e coul d no t respond t o becaus e sh e wa s stil l "o n th e shore. " Sh e trie d t o make he r sou l understand : precisel y becaus e sh e had alread y ha d a glimpse of paradise, she was askin g her sou l "no t t o hasten th e las t moment o f bodil y life " (#180) . Sales o f Th e Knot' s book s ha d unexpectedl y bee n "ver y good " that spring , an d th e arte l wa s eve n showin g a profit. Problem s ha d arisen, however , i n th e completio n o f th e end-of-the-yea r report . Parnok an d Fedorchenko , with who m th e poet ha d becom e friend s over th e winter , wante d t o mak e som e change s i n th e operatio n o f the artel . Parnok' s dissatisfactio n gav e som e o f th e othe r member s the mistake n notio n tha t sh e wanted t o quit . Sh e quickly disabuse d them o f tha t idea . Nevertheless , durin g th e summe r sh e confesse d to Fedorchenk o tha t sh e though t th e day s o f Th e Kno t wer e num bered. Judgin g fro m recen t article s i n th e newspapers , a n increas ingly har d part y lin e o n freedo m o f expressio n woul d "mak e i t impossible t o publish poetry." 6 2 Parnok, Tsuberbiller , an d Erarskay a rente d a cottag e i n Kha lepye, Ukraine , fo r th e summer . The y arrive d ther e o n Jun e 10 , and the y immediatel y fel l i n lov e wit h th e "beautiful , open , an d peaceful" countryside. 63 I t seemed incredibl e t o Parno k tha t no t s o long ago , Ukrain e ha d bee n savage d b y civi l war. 64 Tha t summe r

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proved t o b e on e o f th e mos t contente d period s i n th e poet' s life . Yet he r healt h continue d t o b e "terrible. " "I' m witherin g b y th e day," sh e wrot e t o Fedorchenko , "comin g apar t a t al l th e seams , every da y bring s a ne w ailment . . . . I fee l lik e a n ol d woman , forever tired , lik e morta l sin." 65 Olg a an d Lyudmila , however , were recoverin g nicel y fro m th e winter . Bot h o f the m like d Kha lepye very much . In July, Fedorchenk o sen t Parno k a n essa y tha t sh e had submit ted t o th e magazin e Ogonyok. Parno k apparentl y criticize d i t rather harshly , to which Fedorchenk o replie d i n a spirit o f recanta tion, blamin g herself an d he r lac k o f talent. Parnok the n responde d that sh e (Parnok ) wa s gla d Fedorchenk o ha d take n he r "friendl y severity" i n th e righ t way , bu t tha t sh e shoul d no t b e s o har d o n herself, o r thin k sh e ha d n o talent . "Th e desir e t o evok e lov e fo r oneself," sh e wrote , "shoul d no t leav e a perso n eve n i n advance d old age : i t i s a pledge o f th e eterna l youthfulnes s o f one' s sou l an d that's ver y good , bu t th e desir e t o pleas e shoul d declin e i n u s i n our matur e years : it is not a worthy sourc e of motivation." 66 As soo n a s Augus t rolle d around , Parno k becam e depresse d that he r vacatio n wa s nearin g it s end . Anguis h abou t returnin g to "delirious , nonsensica l Moscow " wok e he r a t night , an d sh e compared i t to wha t sh e imagined peopl e fel t wh o feare d death . " I have neve r experience d a fea r o f death, " sh e explaine d t o Fedor chenko, "bu t judgin g fro m wha t peopl e wh o suffe r fro m tha t fea r have told me , it's a condition tha t seem s to me very similar to wha t I'm goin g through no w a t the thought o f Moscow." 6 7 Although sh e wa s no w self-supportin g again , sh e ha d decide d she ha d t o tr y t o find som e sor t o f positio n tha t carrie d a perma nent salar y i n orde r t o supplemen t an d guarante e he r incom e an d make he r "poo r Olyushka' s lif e a littl e easier. " Tsuberbille r wa s clearly on e o f thos e angeli c soul s wh o coul d no t refus e t o hel p anyone, and, a s a result, she was dangerously overworked . Sh e was supporting tw o familie s sinc e her brothe r wa s out o f work, an d he r mother wa s dependen t o n he r too . "I' m goin g t o tr y t o ge t mysel f

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a positio n a t th e Academ y [o f Sciences ] o r som e othe r place, " wrote Parnok , "otherwise , m y 'free profession ' wil l lea d m e to th e madhouse." 68 Th e possibilit y o f sharin g Erarskaya' s fat e alway s lurked i n the poet's consciousness . Fortunately, th e summe r ha d give n Olg a a goo d rest , althoug h Parnok though t sh e wa s stil l thin . Lyudmila , o n th e othe r hand , had gaine d weigh t an d becom e ver y tanned . Liz a ha d bee n i n Koktebel again , an d Sony a wa s happ y tha t he r siste r ha d ha d a good summe r sinc e lif e wa s "reall y ver y har d fo r he r i n Moscow . On th e whole, " sh e concluded , "i f I kne w tha t al l m y intimate s were health y an d I wer e surrounde d b y a norma l lif e rathe r tha n this eternal , feveris h haste , I would b e completely happy." 6 9 The wome n arrive d hom e i n Mosco w a t th e beginnin g o f Sep tember, an d Parno k coul d no t adjus t t o bein g bac k i n the city . Sh e was constantl y il l an d ha d mad e u p he r min d t o begi n seriou s treatment fo r he r condition , althoug h wha t sh e mean t b y tha t is unclear . That mont h sh e worke d o n severa l poem s concurrently . Afte r a week's effort , sh e finishe d anothe r "Excerpt " (#182) , thi s on e a nightmare visio n o f worl d devastation , whic h migh t hav e bee n influenced b y th e horror s describe d i n th e book s tha t sh e wa s translating a t th e time , amon g the m th e work s o f Henr i Barbusse . A lyri c sh e bega n th e da y befor e finishing "Excerpt " describe d another ver y ba d nigh t whe n sh e agai n though t deat h wa s near . She metaphorize d th e experienc e i n a traditiona l way : " I wa s setting ou t o n a journey, / onl y no t t o th e war m countries, / bu t a little farther , m y friend , a littl e farther " (#195) . Th e frien d an d former love r to whom th e lyric was addressed remain s unidentified . Whoever sh e was , th e poe t perceive d he r a s th e onl y "belove d shade" in her drea m wh o wa s not amon g the group tha t "gathere d at pierside " befor e sh e (th e dreame r an d poeti c speaker ) departe d into death . During th e tw o week s whe n sh e wa s writin g thi s poe m abou t the shade s o f forme r lovers , Parno k expresse d i n anothe r lyri c he r

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image o f hersel f a s a n "ol d woman. " He r persisten t sens e of bein g "old" i n wha t was , chronologically , merel y he r middl e age , evi dently als o stemme d fro m he r Grave' s disease , i n whic h th e bod y wears itsel f ou t prematurely : Old beneath an aged elm tree, old beneath an aged sky, an aged woman in old anguish, I have fallen into thought. And the moon drills like a diamond, sweeps a coverlet of moon snow, spreads a carpet out of moon stream over all the midnight fields. In an icy sheen enveloped, there steps out a shimmering specter, in impenetrable silence it's impenetrably still— And its radiant image sparkles, and it floats in pearly vestments, passing, passing, passing by my outstretched hands. (#191) At th e beginnin g o f October , somethin g cause d th e exhausted , impoverished, death-obsesse d Parno k t o recal l happie r time s an d to expres s the m i n "I t wa s a splendid time! " (#197) , a poem i n th e sharpest possibl e contras t t o other s writte n tha t fall . In he r forty second yea r th e "ol d woman " recalle d he r twentieth , th e yea r sh e had spen t i n Europe , i n love , abducte d awa y fro m he r "father' s threshold" an d he r revolution-tor n homeland . A t a tim e whe n lif e could no t hav e weighed mor e heavily on he r shoulders , she exulte d in a tim e whe n "lif e di d no t weig h mor e tha n popla r fluff," an d she immerse d hersel f i n memorie s o f "frightfu l gaiety. " Character istically, o n th e sam e da y sh e bega n a poe m i n a differen t ke y entirely, th e Dostoevskia n lyri c "O f a certai n consumptiv e littl e mare." In i t sh e liste d al l th e creature s an d causes , bot h universa l

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and specific , symboli c an d actual , tha t sh e too k troubl e fo r a t th e expense of he r ow n health . One suc h "cause, " albei t wher e he r self-interes t wa s involved , was th e ill-fate d Almast. Rumor s ha d bee n reachin g Parno k tha t Spendiarov migh t b e o n hi s wa y t o finishing th e opera , an d mayb e even thinkin g o f producin g it . Goin g throug h he r paper s on e day , she cam e acros s som e ol d letter s fro m th e compose r an d wa s moved t o write to him : Fate brough t u s togethe r a t a ver y difficul t an d frightfu l tim e an d gave us a few year s o f creativ e work . . . . Rereading you r letters , I remembered ou r conversation s abou t Almast when you were in the very heat o f you r creativ e fire , an d a s before , I continue t o believ e that Almast is an exceptional and very interesting example of collaboration betwee n musicia n an d poet . . . . Remembe r ho w w e dreamed of staging the opera. You intended to have me come to the rehearsals in Tiflis, etc. , etc. Write me substantively abou t ho w the matter stands, for thi s is your and my common cause and I want to be full y informe d no t "b y rumors, " bu t fro m "th e horse' s mouth."70 Sometime befor e th e en d o f th e month , Parno k mus t hav e hear d from he r brothe r i n Paris . Valenti n ha d bee n maintainin g a spo radic correspondenc e wit h hi s sister s afte r h e lef t th e Sovie t Unio n again i n 1925 . H e urge d Son y a t o conside r emigrating , somethin g that sh e no t onl y di d no t favor , bu t fel t offende d a t th e ver y ide a of doing . Sh e answered he r brothe r i n lyrical form : I gaze at the piles of yellow leaves . . . It's all here, a treasure house of gold! Riches do not green my eye with envy— Rich is she whom evil does not scare. I am playing out my final game, I don't know what's dream and what's for real, and I'm living life in total freedo m in a twelve-square-yard paradise. Where is there a sunset that's so hopeless? Where—a more intoxicating one?

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I am happier, my foreign brother , happier than you are, prodigal! I do not believe beyond that line the air is free, the living—paradise: Over there is gaiety, but others', here we have misfortune, but our own. (#193 ) Defensiveness an d reproac h characterize d Parnok' s attitud e t o her brothe r i n al l th e poem s sh e wrot e t o him , an d showe d ho w much o f a doubl e she , as a reformed prodiga l daughter , ha d foun d in him . In opposin g hersel f t o Valentin , sh e se t what wa s nativ e t o her, Russi a (sel f an d mother) , agains t wha t wa s foreign , Europ e (brother an d father) . Thi s ha d bee n a gendere d oppositio n fo r he r since he r firs t lyrica l expressio n o f i t i n th e 191 4 poe m i n whic h she meditate d o n he r preferenc e fo r th e Byzantin e styl e o f churc h architecture ove r th e Western Gothic . The West was masculine an d Russia wa s feminine ; th e Wes t symbolize d ma n competin g wit h God, whil e th e Eas t wa s woma n mergin g wit h God . In wha t proved t o b e he r las t lyrica l communicatio n wit h he r brother , sh e felt clos e enoug h t o hi m t o wan t t o tel l hi m sh e was dying , an d t o try t o explai n he r condition , tha t sh e wa s slippin g s o ofte n int o dream state s tha t sh e coul d n o longe r discer n drea m fro m reality . It was , ironically , he r ofte n unrea l perception s an d dream s tha t made i t possibl e fo r he r t o transcen d th e crampe d physica l an d political realitie s i n whic h sh e was force d t o live , and t o attai n th e liberation tha t he r sou l most yearned for . By early winte r sh e wa s hurryin g hersel f fo r a change , tryin g t o complete the poems sh e wanted fo r he r last book. She was workin g under th e pressur e o f th e end , no t onl y th e en d o f he r life , whic h she had face d s o many time s that i n her own ironi c observation sh e had becom e a failure a t death . Sh e was als o working under th e en d of publishing poetry an d the end of The Knot. The pressure of these forthcoming multipl e end s coul d onl y hav e bee n enhance d b y he r perception o f herself a s a latecomer t o Russian poetry' s main stage . The las t poe m include d i n Half-voiced wa s probabl y writte n o n

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November 21—typically , Parno k agai n wa s unsur e o f th e date . I t was als o th e las t poe m tha t Parno k published . Appropriately , thi s lyrical end of sort s represented a long-overdue farewel l t o Adelaid a Gertsyk. I t expressed th e poet's no w stron g fait h i n an afterlif e an d ended wit h he r belie f tha t deat h signifie d a final journe y t o par adise: And softly th e edge of the vessel is listing, as you, like a sleepwalker, pass to the stern, and paradise opening out in its glory with vacuous eyes do you slowly discern . . . Play, Adele! Play, play . . . (#199) The collectio n Half-voiced (1928 ) thu s begin s wit h a dedicatio n to Olg a Tsuberbiller , whos e spiri t o f cal m pervade s th e book , an d ends wit h a visio n o f Adelaid a Gertsy k eternall y a t pla y i n para dise. Parnok addresse d bot h Olg a an d Adelaid a a s sleepwalkers: i n the first poe m o f he r "dream " boo k (initiall y sh e ha d title d i t Dreams), sh e imagine d he r Olyushk a sleepwalkin g "towar d th e quiet light " o f a n "unrea l spring " (#162) ; i n th e concludin g poe m (#199) sh e visualize d he r Adel e sleepwalkin g t o th e ster n o f he r "cradle boat " o n it s wa y t o th e othe r reality . I f Olg a Tsuberbille r was th e "angel " sen t t o guar d Parno k i n he r "declinin g years, " a s Parnok believe d sh e was, then Adelaid a Gertsy k wa s th e "precurs oress" frien d wh o ha d onc e kep t watc h ove r th e red-haired , love troubled poe t i n he r fertil e middl e years , an d the n ha d precede d her charg e into th e next life . The thirty-eigh t poem s i n Half-voiced ar e divide d betwee n th e eighteen writte n i n 192 6 (mainl y containe d i n th e first hal f o f th e collection) an d th e twenty writte n i n 1927 . The poem s i n the boo k illustrate wha t Parno k mean t b y sotto voce, a n auditor y metapho r of a certai n wa y o f living , writing , experiencing , an d perceivin g reality tha t characterize d th e lesbia n poet' s lif e i n thes e tw o years . Her sotto voce ha d bot h majo r an d mino r keys , dependin g o n th e contents o f th e son g i t "whispered. " It s majo r key s an d brighte r

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moods predominate d i n th e 192 6 poem s wit h thei r focu s o n he r total onenes s and mystical communio n wit h her soul and her "littl e deer." Wit h on e exception , th e te n poem s addresse d and/o r dedi cated t o Tsuberbille r wer e writte n i n 1926 , fro m th e en d o f Janu ary through th e end o f October , tha t is , roughly i n the period whe n Tsuberbiller emerge d a s Parnok' s "savior " an d becam e he r mai n emotional (an d a t times , financial) support . The secon d hal f o f th e book , however , reveale d th e mino r key s and dar k mood s (themes ) o f half-voicednes s tha t expresse d th e poet's creativ e aloneness , he r isolatio n fro m a worl d tha t coul d not hea r he r ( # # 1 8 4 , 186 , 188-89 , I 9 I _ 9 2 ) ? he r nightmare s o f depravity (#181) , universa l carnag e (#182) , whippe d an d over burdened mare s (#183) , murderou s hast e (##184 , 186) , an d he r sense of approachin g deat h ( # # 1 8 0 , 184—86 , 195—96, 198—99). Few rays of ligh t penetrate th e gloom i n the last half o f Parnok' s last publishe d book , whic h begin s i n a moo d o f suc h spiritua l wholeness, vigor , an d eve n rapture . Nevertheless , th e unexpecte d modulations int o quit e distan t majo r keys , i f onl y fo r moments , make a powerfu l impression , n o doub t becaus e the y ar e s o rare . They expres s the poet's source s of spiritua l strength , her "beacons " in th e chaoti c darknes s an d nigh t tha t alway s threatene d t o engul f her befor e deat h finall y asserte d possession . Ligh t cam e fro m th e knowledge tha t sh e ha d realize d he r sou l (#187) , ha d attaine d freedom i n he r twelve-square-yar d paradis e (#193) , coul d affir m life (#194) , participat e i n universa l rejoicin g (#196) , remembe r the splendi d time s o f he r carefre e youn g womanhoo d (#197) , an d look forwar d t o th e endles s pla y tha t he r femal e companio n poe t who ha d gon e befor e he r had , sh e firml y believed , alread y foun d (#199)-

6.

" Int o th e D a r k n e s s . . the Secre t D r a w e r ! "

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The Ne w Economi c Polic y wa s terminate d i n 1928 , and radica l changes in Soviet economic, political, and cultura l lif e followed. B y the beginnin g o f th e thirties , Stali n ha d prevaile d ove r hi s mai n political opponent s an d ha d ascende d t o absolut e power . Stalin' s program o f "buildin g socialis m i n on e country " le d t o th e force d collectivization o f agricultur e an d th e force d industrialization , through five-yea r plans , o f th e Sovie t Union' s stil l onl y minimall y recovered an d backwar d economy . From 192 7 governmen t an d part y contro l o f th e art s an d litera ture becam e similarl y centralize d an d dictatorial . Al l remainin g cooperative publishin g enterprise s wer e curtailed . A representativ e of th e censo r wa s assigne d t o th e editoria l boar d o f al l publica tions. Viciou s campaign s o f vilificatio n agains t "nonconformist " writers fille d th e page s o f Communist-controlle d literar y newspa pers an d journals . B y 193 0 onl y a fe w larg e publishin g venture s still operated outsid e o f th e Stat e publishing house, Gosizdat. The y were no t independent , however , bu t controlle d b y organization s like th e Writers ' Union , whic h ha d becom e a n activ e espouse r an d enforcer o f th e party lin e on literature . Russian poetr y ha d entere d a new, pre-Gutenburg era , and , lik e 241

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most othe r lyri c poets , Parno k live d wit h th e knowledge , fro m 1928 unti l sh e died, that her poetry coul d not b e published. Durin g this tim e sh e wrot e eithe r fo r he r "secre t drawer, " o r no t a t all , and th e audienc e fo r he r poem s narrowe d t o a smal l circl e o f trusted friend s an d intimates . By th e en d o f 192 7 tha t circl e include d Ver a Zvyagintseva , a former actres s an d poe t wit h a vas t circl e o f friend s an d acquain tances i n the Moscow intelligentsi a an d clos e ties with man y artist s and writers who ha d emigrated , includin g Tsvetaeva. Zvyagintsev a had bee n ver y clos e t o Tsvetaev a durin g th e latter' s las t year s i n Russia, an d i t i s possibl e tha t i n th e twentie s sh e kep t Tsvetaev a informed o f Parnok' s situation . Parno k too k Zvyagintsev a int o he r poetic, an d later , intimat e confidence . Sh e regarde d Vera , rightl y or wrongly, a s a kind o f spiritua l daughte r an d frien d o f her verse. 1 She appreciate d Zvyagintseva' s positiv e respons e t o th e poem s i n Half-voiced, an d i n Music befor e it , an d cam e t o shar e wit h Ver a the "sa d experiences " wit h whic h he r lif e a s a poe t wa s increas ingly "enriched." 2 Zvyagintseva wa s a majo r sourc e o f emotiona l suppor t t o Par nok i n he r last , storm y lov e affair . Whe n Ver a becam e il l wit h acute coliti s an d dysenter y i n th e summe r o f 1933 , Sonya , wh o was hersel f dangerousl y il l a t tha t time , wrot e t o he r (Sonya's ) lover: " I fee l ver y sad not t o b e taking care of [Vera ] when she' s s o unwell! Sh e was s o goo d an d sympatheti c t o m e whe n I was sick . . . . Sh e alway s ha s suc h awfu l an d prolonge d illnesse s tha t I ge t very frightene d fo r he r whe n sh e get s sick . I f sh e passe d away , i t would b e a bi g blo w t o me— I woul d los e a poe t wh o i s clos e t o me an d a devote d frien d t o who m I hav e confide d m y amorou s woes. Sh e i s ou r friend , min e an d yours . Thin k o f he r wit h lov e and hop e tha t sh e lives!" 3 At the en d o f 1927 , Parnok an d Tsuberbille r finally manage d t o get awa y fo r a rest cur e a t a sanatorium (i n the village of Uzkoye) . Back i n Mosco w i n January , th e poe t returne d t o wor k o n a poem sh e ha d begu n th e previou s December . Originall y entitle d

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"Voices," i t wa s a dramati c dialogu e tha t containe d th e poet' s mature poeti c self-profile—he r ow n descriptio n o f wha t define d a voice lik e hers , an d th e reason s wh y i t arouse d suc h anxiet y an d defensive rejectio n i n he r contemporaries . Th e origina l versio n o f the poem , whic h Parno k eventuall y calle d "Prologue " (#215) , had a n epigrap h fro m Dostoevsky , an d th e worl d o f th e poe m constitutes, a s in Dostoevsky' s novels , a world i n which character s are identified b y their voices . From th e earlies t perio d o f he r creativ e lif e Parno k ha d value d her artisti c independenc e an d nonindebtednes s t o others . Howeve r nonabundant he r poem s migh t be , the y wer e he r ow n an d owe d nothing t o anyone . Sh e alway s too k specia l prid e i n he r muse' s idiosyncrasy. A s sh e wrot e i n a 192 6 poe m (#203) , sh e an d he r muse woul d no t "li e fo r th e sak e o f a rhyme " an d di d no t habitu ally exaggerat e thei r know-how . The y wer e prou d t o g o thei r "own, narrow " wa y an d no t b e th e travelin g companion s o f dis honest, self-enhancing , "venerabl e masters " lik e th e unname d ad dressee of tha t poem. 4 Parnok alway s ha d a health y suspicio n o f mal e poeti c an d cul tural authorities , especiall y afte r sh e learne d throug h he r ow n ex perience ho w eas y i t wa s fo r a woma n poe t t o pu t hersel f unde r the tutelag e o f mal e "masters. " In he r youth , sh e ha d cooperate d in her ow n oppressio n b y Volkenshtein's intellectua l "superiority. " But sh e als o ha d ha d th e courag e t o wres t of f hi s authorit y an d to forg e he r ow n pat h eve n whe n sh e realize d he r pat h le d t o "peoplelessness"—"And we'r e al l fate d t o g o ou r separat e ways, " she wrot e i n a 192 6 poem , "some—t o people , others—int o peo plelessness, but we'll al l be on th e same road whe n we die" (#188) . Isolation wa s th e price Parno k pai d fo r he r muse' s "touchiness. " In "Prologue " th e poe t crie d ou t th e pain cause d b y he r realiza tion tha t he r poeti c fat e ha d com e abou t i n par t becaus e o f he r refusal t o travel th e same road a s the conformist "we " who di d no t hear, an d di d no t wan t t o hea r he r voice . Althoug h sh e no w defined he r voic e i n positiv e term s an d acknowledge d it s power t o

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bewitch, sh e mad e th e voice s o f th e "we " tur n he r poeti c power s against her, a s if they were, indeed, accusin g her o f witchcraft : You're not traveling our road, you confuse u s with dreams, upset us with talk of heights, hobble us with quiet. What we hide even from ourselves , you dare to say out loud. You aspire to parity with your mad century, but you are the peer of other days: other days—other songs. This isn't the time, traveler, a time like this, to bewitch us with yearning! (#215) Parnok's persona l politica l us e o f he r lyric s i n a bitte r struggl e against he r self-perceive d "judges " ha d begu n i n he r adolescenc e as sh e fough t t o affir m hersel f an d he r "soul' s righ t t o existence " against th e negativ e criticis m o f he r fathe r an d th e "patriarcha l virtues" h e represente d i n he r eyes . When sh e entered th e prerevo lutionary poeti c arena , he r creativ e struggl e move d fro m th e con text o f he r immediat e famil y ou t int o th e large r cultura l contex t o f the Russia n poeti c family . Fo r al l it s toleranc e o f diversity , tha t family basicall y adhere d t o th e sam e "patriarcha l virtues " i n de termining aestheti c mores that Parnok' s fathe r ha d uphel d i n tryin g to enforc e he r prope r conduct . Then , afte r th e 191 7 Revolution , the Communis t part y becam e the new espouse r an d enforce r o f th e old patriarchal virtue s i n ar t an d poetry . "Prologue" and othe r poems Parnok wrote abou t her poetic fat e make i t clear , however , tha t sh e fel t th e isolatio n enforce d o n he r was qualitativel y differen t fro m tha t whic h befel l othe r poets . Sh e suffered th e negativ e sanction s o f Sovie t aestheti c "virtues " no t because o f an y external , anti-Sovie t tendenc y i n he r poems , bu t because o f thei r subversiv e persona l an d politica l thrust . Mor e tellingly, sh e fel t doubl y rejected , no t onl y b y th e officia l literar y establishment, but , fa r mor e painfully , b y he r poe t brethren , wh o

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she felt ough t t o have been sympatheti c to her voice. In "Prologue " the poeti c speake r appeal s fo r a listene r no t onl y t o chanc e pas sersby, bu t t o a fello w poe t an d peer . H e to o refuse s t o sto p an d hear he r out : "Wha t th e hel l d o I care abou t you r soul? " he hisse s and rushe s on . The accusation s agains t th e poe t i n "Prologue " com e fro m voices o f th e putativ e "ne w times " fro m whic h she , no w a n ol d crone, i s alienated , bu t the y ar e ironicall y th e sam e voice s tha t sh e heard i n th e "othe r [olden ] days, " o f which , he r accuser s no w tel l her, sh e i s "th e peer. " He r lyrica l sin s a s enunciate d b y th e voice s in "Prologue " continu e t o b e nonconformity, enticemen t t o revolt , hubris, an d th e breakin g o f a taboo . Sh e insist s o n travelin g he r own roa d t o th e musi c of a differen t drummer . Sh e uses her lyrica l powers t o lur e conformist s ou t o f thei r soul-deadenin g compla cency, an d he r enticement s discomfort—"confuse, " "upset, " "hobble," an d "bewitch"—them . The voice s o f th e crow d i n "Prologue " tel l Parno k tha t sh e i s arrogant an d uppity : sh e refuse s t o recogniz e th e righ t o f th e time s to us e he r song s fo r th e goo d o f it s own , antilyrica l cause , o r t o acknowledge tha t th e soun d o f he r "ma d century " i s greate r tha n her ow n persona l sound , o r t o conced e tha t he r song s abou t "dreams," "heights, " an d "quiet " (howeve r disquieting ) ar e irrelevant t o contemporar y life . Parnok ha d onc e wishe d fo r th e courag e "t o dar e t o shout " what sh e fel t lik e shouting . Sh e foun d th e courag e an d wit h i t th e full realizatio n tha t wha t sh e dare d t o shout , o r eve n sa y ou t loud, wa s considere d b y everyone' s "patriarcha l virtues " t o b e unspeakable, "eve n t o oneself." It is hard t o imagine what coul d b e thought unspeakabl e i n Parnok' s poem s i f no t he r poeti c speaker' s persistent, self-affirming declaratio n tha t sh e is a woman wh o love s women, sh e i s not ashame d tha t he r privat e worl d i s a s importan t as th e outsid e worl d o f warriors , an d tha t he r sou l ha s a righ t to existence . By the beginnin g o f Februar y 1928 , the poet' s continue d physi -

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cal existenc e wa s agai n threatene d b y seriou s illness . A s soo n a s she was well enough t o leav e her bed , she went t o the "har d labor " of speed-translating , eigh t hours a day o r more , for a month. Fro m the financia l poin t o f view , he r har d labo r wa s "ver y good, " sh e wrote t o Zvyagintseva , an d s o she accepted i t fatalistically a s "necessary i n th e large r pla n o f [her ] fate, " addin g tha t "t o tak e lif e easily, albei t wit h th e equabilit y o f a ghost , i s evidentl y unlawful . Nevertheless, dea r Ver a Klavdyevna, " sh e concluded, " I thin k tha t you an d I are righteous people , an d th e fac t tha t i t is hard fo r u s is also right." 5 Her Februar y illnes s le d he r t o thought s abou t "streptococc i o f evil" tha t seeme d t o b e ravagin g th e world , imperviou s a s ye t t o any cure . Thos e thoughts , characteristicall y roote d i n th e experi ence o f he r body , foun d lyrica l expressio n i n th e poe m "Throug h the Window" (#216) , which sh e finished b y mid-March. I t was th e last poe m sh e wa s t o writ e tha t year . Shortl y afte r sh e sen t i t i n a letter t o Zvyagintseva , sh e an d Olg a Nikolaevn a exchange d thei r room i n Neopalimovsky Lan e fo r a new on e i n a communal apart ment o n Nikitsk y Boulevard . Sinc e thei r ne w room , i n Gornung' s description, wa s "long , narrow , an d dark, " the y appeare d t o hav e gotten th e worse en d o f th e exchange . They spen t th e summe r i n Novgorod-Seversk. Olg a Nikolaevn a was totall y rundow n an d "il l al l th e time. " Thi s mad e Parno k continuously anxiou s an d disenable d he r t o th e poin t wher e sh e could no t write . "M y sou l feel s oppresse d an d dark, " sh e wrote t o Zvyagintseva, "Nothin g i s dea r t o me , an d I als o perceiv e thi s endless strin g o f illnesse s a s a sig n tha t I a m no t loved , an d I fee l more an d mor e offended." 6 As th e yea r wor e on , he r conditio n worsened . Sh e wrot e t o Gertsyk tha t sh e wa s i n a ba d way , lif e wa s hard , sh e wa s sick — her bloo d pressur e wa s ver y high—sh e ha d n o mone y an d wa s unemployed. Sh e coul d no t ge t use d t o he r feebleness ; sh e fel t no t only useless, but incapable of "indulgin g anyone , even a little." She had los t al l hop e o f publishin g he r boo k an d wa s no t i n th e moo d

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for poetry . "Lov e i s th e onl y thin g tha t bind s m e t o life, " sh e concluded: "th e realizatio n tha t i t will b e worse fo r m y loved one s without me." 7 Parnok's physica l conditio n alway s seeme d t o deteriorat e whe n something spirituall y importan t t o he r wa s lackin g o r coul d no t distract he r fro m he r chroni c il l healt h an d poverty . S o i t wa s through mos t o f 1928 , and wit h reason . By the en d o f th e previou s year, he r majo r creativ e flow ha d al l bu t trickle d out . Th e crack down o n autonomou s literar y organization s sounde d th e deat h knell o f Th e Kno t a s Parno k ha d feare d i t would a year befor e th e fact. Althoug h Half-voiced wa s in fact publishe d befor e Th e Knot' s demise, i t wa s issue d i n a minuscul e numbe r o f tw o hundre d author's copies , almos t a s i f i t had no t bee n printe d a t all . Finally , her dea r frien d an d operati c collaborator , Spendiarov , ha d die d (i n May 1928 ) withou t havin g completed Almast, leavin g Parnok wit h the feelin g tha t sh e ha d bee n creativel y widowe d an d he r "brain child" orphaned. 8 At th e en d o f th e yea r sh e mad e a gif t t o Gornun g o f al l th e editions Th e Kno t ha d published , packe d togethe r i n a specia l green bo x wit h th e cooperative' s trademar k emblazone d o n th e cover. Perhap s thi s symboli c gestur e o f farewel l helpe d he r t o la y this importan t chapte r i n he r lif e t o rest , absor b it s loss , an d move ahead . Her spirit s seeme d t o pic k u p a t th e star t o f th e ne w year . O n January 1 7 sh e attende d a poetry readin g a t th e Unio n o f Writers . There sh e joked wit h Gornun g abou t on e of th e readers, and, upo n spotting Volkenshtein i n th e audienc e with hi s second wif e (h e ha d by the n lon g sinc e remarried , ha d children , an d becom e a success ful Sovie t dramatist) , sh e nudged he r youn g frien d an d said , with a note o f iron y i n he r slightl y hoarse , dee p voice , "Di d yo u kno w I was onc e married t o Volkenshtein? Bu t we rather quickl y went ou r separate ways." 9 In February , afte r almos t a year' s silence , sh e wrot e on e o f he r most bitte r lyrics , "A s a shad e wit h thre e dimensions , brother, "

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(#217), abou t th e bleakness , impersonality , an d callousnes s o f Soviet communal existence . Although th e "brother " who m Parno k addressed wa s not , thi s time , he r biologica l brother , th e poe m partially contradicte d he r thought s abou t bein g abl e t o overcom e Soviet realit y a s sh e ha d expresse d the m i n he r 192 7 poe m t o th e "prodigal" Valentin (#193) . In th e earlie r lyri c sh e ha d claime d tha t sh e coul d liv e "a t liberty" i n he r allotte d twelv e squar e yard s o f livin g space . No w she complained, ironically , not onl y of the crampedness o f commu nal apartments , bu t o f th e sprea d o f overcrowdin g t o space s tha t had onc e provided a n escape : Moscow's madhouse now is overcrowded, and the cemetery has no space for your dust in roomy crypts or coffins — now you're buried in a metal saucepan. Do you wish to die?—Just step behind the screen and disincarnate quietly, modestly, without disturbing others, please, it's not a time for fuss and bother! (#217) Parnok capture d her e th e admonishin g ton e tha t tyrant s invari ably us e t o thei r victims ' complaint s i n orde r t o teac h the m th e invidious lesso n tha t a goo d citize n submit s t o suffering , torture , and deat h withou t makin g a fuss. I n conditions wher e the torturer s enforce th e propriet y o f goin g "withou t hysterics, " refusing t o "disincarnate quietly " become s a n ac t o f courag e an d mora l rebel lion. A t th e en d o f th e poe m Parno k reveale d th e morall y deaden ing complacency tha t overcome s peopl e wh o observ e th e rule s an d even fee l "grateful " fo r th e privilege of dyin g inconspicuously : And you'll die, while hereabouts, unyielding, "once again young life will frisk an d play": 10 belching, drunk, a mother will remember as hoarse primuses hiss night and day . . . So! Behind the screen a neighbor lived, he lived and left us, wasn't killed—and tha t we count a blessing! (#217)

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At th e en d o f March , friend s o f Gornung's , who m Parno k ha d known fo r years , held a poetry readin g a t thei r apartment . Parno k attended an d rea d fou r o f he r unpublishe d poems , on e o f whic h might hav e bee n th e mos t recentl y written , " A tal l wav e carrie s you," a mystical lyri c describing th e speaker' s drea m journey s int o the fragile , crystallin e worl d o f th e "blessed , paradisica l day s o f yore," wher e th e ai r wa s transparen t an d ran g "wit h a glas s sound" (#218) . Another poe m cam e i n April . Entitle d "Song " (#219) , i t con cerned th e totall y alienate d poe t wh o ha d n o audienc e amon g either he r ow n o r th e younge r generation , bu t whos e grea t an guish inspire d he r t o sin g he r son g nonetheless . A s i n he r earlie r "Song" abou t he r soul' s birt h (#178) , th e poeti c speake r identi fied wit h he r peer , th e pin e tree , whil e simultaneousl y emphasiz ing ho w muc h lonelie r th e worl d o f me n wa s tha n th e fores t o f pines: Great insults make the soul feverish , great anguish makes me sing a song. Every pine tree can rustle to her forest , well, and I'm to tell my news to whom? (#219 ) After Spendiarov' s death , hi s colleague , Maximilia n Shteinberg , with who m Parno k ha d worke d o n a n oper a befor e th e Revolu tion, too k upo n himsel f th e job o f completin g th e orchestration fo r Almast. B y spring th e oper a wa s nearl y finished, an d Parno k initi ated th e long , tortuou s proces s o f gettin g Almast approve d fo r production b y the Bolsho i Theater . Thi s projec t consume d mos t o f her energ y ove r th e nex t year . At the beginnin g o f May , Olg a Nikolaevna' s brothe r die d a t th e age o f forty-eight , an d th e suppor t o f hi s five-year-old twi n chil dren fel l o n he r an d Parnok . Tsuberbille r wa s alread y "workin g like an ox. " Sh e had bee n offere d th e chanc e to g o to th e Caucasu s for a rest, but ha d turne d i t down becaus e of he r "irrationa l fea r o f

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Caucasian cures—man y o f he r acquaintance s happene d t o di e after returnin g fro m them. " Th e university als o offered t o sen d he r to a sp a i n Sestroretsk , bu t sh e refuse d becaus e i t wa s "to o crowded an d expensive. " A s fo r Parnok , sh e ha d bee n writin g poems, but the y were s o "gloomy" tha t sh e did not fee l lik e havin g anyone rea d them . " I a m a lugubriou s poet! " sh e conclude d he r letter t o Gertsyk. 11 Her nex t "lugubrious " poe m wa s no t writte n unti l th e middl e of Augus t whe n sh e an d Olg a Nikolaevn a wer e finishin g u p thei r vacation i n Abramtsev o o n the outskirt s o f Moscow . Dedicate d t o Zvyagintseva, i t expresse d Parnok' s materna l interes t i n th e younger poet , whos e "inexperience d anguish " sh e wa s witnessin g from th e "distance " o f "long-sighte d ol d age " (#221) . Zvyagint seva ha d writte n i n on e o f he r poem s abou t he r feeling s o f alien ation fro m he r contemporarie s o n th e on e hand , an d th e youn g generation o n th e other . Bu t unlik e Parnok , he r poeti c speake r apparently coul d no t comprehen d th e reason s fo r he r "fate, " ask ing rhetorically , "S o wha t i s this , a m I neithe r o f these , no r o f those?" In he r lyrica l reply , Parno k gav e Zvyagintsev a a n indirect , maternally supportiv e answer : "Isn' t tha t because , child , you'r e one of yoursel f ? " (#221) . Back i n Mosco w a t th e beginnin g o f th e fall , Parno k plunge d into th e final stage s o f wor k o n Almast. Th e managemen t o f th e Bolshoi theate r directe d he r t o writ e a Communis t prologu e an d epilogue t o th e oper a i n orde r t o justif y it s non-Communis t con tents. Whe n sh e had complete d thi s unpleasan t chore , sh e sen t th e prologue an d epilogu e t o Shteinber g an d wa s somewha t take n aback a t the naivete o f hi s response : In regard to the text of the prologue and epilogue, about which you delicately note d tha t tw o o r thre e expression s ar e no t entirel y t o your liking—I must tell you that it is not to my liking in its entirety. I thought you yourself would guess that the whole thing was written at th e comman d o f th e managemen t an d o n m y execution o f tha t

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command depende d th e fat e o f th e whol e opera , whos e untimel y subject required the most vigorous defense. 12 Parnok bega n t o fee l a s if sh e were trying to please two masters , neither o f who m understoo d he r poin t o f vie w a s th e autho r o f Almast. Th e management kep t insisting that a Communist messag e be force d o n th e audience . The y wen t s o fa r a s t o sugges t tha t th e epilogue b e inserte d no t after , bu t befor e th e fourt h an d final act . They expresse d th e fea r tha t peopl e woul d begi n t o leav e an d would no t hea r i t i f i t wer e sun g a t th e end , t o whic h Parno k quipped, wit h typica l boldness , "S o loc k th e doors." 1 3 O n th e other hand , Shteinberg , sh e felt , di d no t sufficientl y appreciat e he r efforts t o sav e the opera : Now to a sore point: you're right about the prologue and epilogue— I am "not in the grip of authorial zeal"—so much so that if you can suggest t o th e managemen t you r ow n varian t t o replac e th e line s which aren' t t o you r tast e an d th e managemen t accept s it, I won't object. An d it's natura l tha t I wasn't seize d by authorial zeal . . .. I was force d t o kee p tinkerin g wit h line s tha t I hadn' t writte n o f my ow n fre e will , an d I waste d rathe r a lo t o f tim e an d energ y on them. 14 At th e beginnin g o f October , Parno k aske d Shteinber g t o sen d her a cop y o f th e pian o scor e sh e neede d i n orde r t o follo w wha t he discussed wit h he r i n his letters. More important , sh e wanted t o show th e scor e t o a "certai n singer, " Mari a Maksakova , wh o might b e intereste d i n th e titl e role . Despit e repeate d requests , Parnok di d no t receiv e th e scor e unti l th e middl e o f November , just befor e th e final assignmen t o f part s wa s made . To he r delight , Maksakova foun d tha t the role suited her voice and agree d to do it . Parnok an d Shteinber g ha d variou s difference s o f opinio n o n the librett o an d th e performance o f th e opera . Shteinber g hesitate d for a lon g tim e ove r whethe r t o hav e a n intermissio n betwee n act s three an d four . Parno k strongl y favore d a n intermission , arguin g that "withou t it , th e thir d an d fourt h act s wil l b e unbearabl y

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tedious." 15 Sh e invoke d Spendiarov' s desir e t o hav e a n intermis sion, bu t Shteinber g remaine d studiousl y quie t o n thi s sor e point , forcing Parno k t o writ e hi m rathe r archly : " I deepl y regre t tha t being mysel f insufficientl y informe d abou t th e matte r o f th e inter mission betwee n th e thir d an d fourt h act , I hav e no t ye t bee n able t o infor m Varvar a Leonidovn a [Spendiarov' s widow ] abou t i t in detail." 16 Negotiations ove r Almast proceede d simultaneousl y wit h Par nok's wor k o n a team-translatio n jo b tha t consume d th e bul k o f her tim e fro m mid-Octobe r t o mid-December . I n the middl e o f th e work sh e wrot e t o Shteinber g tha t sh e wa s "extremel y ex hausted." 17 From tha t bus y fal l a s wel l date d th e beginnin g o f he r corre spondence wit h th e elderl y Frenc h write r Romai n Rolland , an d th e rather burdensom e rol e sh e assumed , a t hi s urging , i n hi s relation ship wit h hi s femal e companion , May a Kudashova , who m Parno k had know n sinc e th e day s o f Adelaid a Gertsyk' s femal e poets ' circle. I n 192 3 Kudashov a ha d rea d Romai n Rolland' s mos t cele brated novel , Jean-Christophe, an d promptl y fel l i n lov e wit h th e author. Sh e initiate d a n epistolar y relationshi p wit h hi m bu t stopped writin g afte r a year, apparentl y becaus e he had reproache d her fo r som e incident s i n he r privat e life. 18 Fou r year s later , whe n Kudashova wa s workin g a s secretar y t o th e hea d o f th e foreig n language sectio n a t Gosizdat , sh e happene d t o rea d th e proof s o f the Russia n translatio n o f Jean-Christopbe. He r lov e was rekindle d and sh e wrot e t o Rollan d again . Thi s tim e thei r correspondenc e became mor e intimat e an d le d t o a first meetin g i n Europ e i n August 1929 .

Kudashova introduce d Parnok' s poetr y t o Rollan d b y givin g him a cop y o f Half-voiced, portion s o f whic h sh e translate d int o French fo r him . Rollan d wa s particularl y impresse d b y the "prou d melancholy, sa d visions , an d tormentin g heavines s o f heart " i n Parnok's poems. "You hav e made yourself a n isle of dreams amids t reality," h e wrote, "tha t i s the island o f a proud soul." 19

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After he r retur n t o Russia , Kudashov a becam e ill . She consulte d a docto r an d sen t hi s repor t t o Rolland , wh o convince d himsel f that sh e wa s sufferin g fro m a seriou s hear t ailment . H e promptl y wrote t o Parnok : " I kno w ho w goo d yo u ar e fo r m y dea r May a and wha t soli d advic e yo u giv e her . I a m happ y t o sens e you r watchful friendshi p b y he r side . Sh e need s i t no w mor e tha n ever . Dear Sophie , I entrus t my darlin g t o you . W e lov e her . Sh e love s us. My hand s bequeat h he r to your fraterna l hands." 2 0 Parnok migh t hav e viewe d Rolland' s excessiv e concer n a s a tempest i n a teapot . Eve n Rollan d note d a t th e en d o f hi s Novem ber lette r tha t whe n h e ha d las t see n Kudashova , sh e appeare d "rather robust " t o him. Moreover, Parno k ha d ha d firsthand expe rience o f Kudashova' s penchan t fo r exaggeration , half-truths , an d manipulative behavior. 21 In Decembe r Parno k wrot e Rollan d tha t Kudashova' s "mora l state" saddene d he r mor e tha n he r physica l ailments . Maya appar ently manifeste d a perpetua l nervousnes s s o tha t sh e "periodicall y broke int o fits o f self-torment. " Rollan d feare d tha t somethin g h e had writte n i n on e o f hi s letter s ha d suddenl y an d unwarrantabl y caused Kudashov a t o becom e "hopeless " abou t th e futur e o f thei r relationship. I t seeme d t o Parnok , however , tha t Kudashov a wa s upset becaus e sh e fel t Rollan d wa s "testing " her . Rollan d denie d this, writing , "I t wa s no t a questio n o f a test, bu t o f th e exigencie s of th e dee d t o whic h my lif e wa s subjec t lik e th e lif e o f ever y ma n who ha s responsibilitie s an d mus t shoulde r them. " Agai n h e aske d Parnok t o interced e fo r him : Try t o retur n Maya' s confidenc e t o he r whe n sh e come s t o you , tormented. La y your calming hands on her—(your hand s that perhaps d o not hol d peac e fo r yourself ; bu t goo d peopl e have always given more than the y have; and i t is in this that the promise of th e Gospel i s proved: i t will b e returned t o the m a hundredfold). Ma y Maya not wait until her male friend i s no more, to be happy for the portion, larg e o r small , tha t ou r fat e ha s allotte d us ! An d don' t show any of this letter to her! Who knows how her eyes would read it, what new reasons for pain she could make for herself from it! 22

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In th e earl y par t o f 193 0 Kudashov a becam e a frequen t visito r to Parnok' s apartment . Th e poe t ha d agree d t o stor e he r friend' s voluminous correspondenc e wit h Rolland , filed i n larg e envelopes , card-catalog fashion , i n a twenty-eight-inc h plywoo d box. 23 Gor nung recalle d on e livel y an d amusin g evenin g i n Februar y h e spen t at Parnok's , listenin g t o he r an d Kudashov a tel l anecdote s fro m their respectiv e flamin g youths . What wit h Rolland' s demands , a recalcitran t Shteinberg , an d the pressure s o f spee d translating , Parno k ha d th e energ y fo r onl y one rendezvou s wit h he r mus e i n th e fal l o f 1929 , bu t i t yielded , notably, on e o f th e mos t earthl y (a s oppose d t o seraphic ) lov e lyrics sh e ha d writte n i n years . Th e poe m wa s addresse d t o tw o women: it s externa l addresse e wa s a youn g typis t an d reader , Marina Baranovich , whom Parno k wa s attracted t o in part becaus e she reminde d th e poe t o f Marin a Tsvetaeva , th e poem' s interna l addressee. 24 Parnok's memorie s of Tsvetaeva ma y have been stimu lated th e previou s sprin g whe n sh e rea d Tsvetaeva' s boo k After Russia, an d thos e memorie s wer e rekindle d whe n Parno k attende d a reading of Baranovich's, which seem s to have been the immediat e stimulus fo r th e poem : You are young, long-limbed! With such a marvelously molded, winged body! How awkwardly and with such difficult y you drag around your spirit, anguish-stunned! Oh, I know that spirit's way of moving through whirlwinds of the night and ice-floe gaps, and that voice that rises indistinctly, God alone knows from wha t living depths. I recall the darkness of bright eyes like those. As when you read, all voices would grow quiet, whenever she, a madman raving verses, with her frenzy woul d ignite our souls. How strange that you remind me so of her! The same rosiness, goldenness, and pearliness of face, and silkiness, the same pulsating warmth.

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And the coldness of serpentine wiles and slipperiness. . . . But I've forgiven her , and I love you, and through you, Marina, the vision of the woman who shares your name. (#220) Parnok's mediate d declaratio n o f forgivenes s an d lov e t o Tsve taeva accomplishe d tw o importan t deed s i n he r emotiona l an d creative life . I t lai d he r relationshi p wit h Tsvetaev a t o res t an d allowed th e creativ e see d Tsvetaev a ha d onc e plante d i n he r t o bring fort h muc h fruit . I n th e mid-1 9 20s, afte r Tsvetaev a ha d lef t Russia an d Parno k ha d returne d there , on e o f Parnok' s acquain tances ha d dubbe d he r th e "Sappho " o f Tverskay a Yamskay a Street a s a wa y o f praisin g he r courag e i n livin g he r unorthodo x personal lif e a t a tim e o f increasin g societa l an d politica l pressur e to conform . Ironically , a s Parnok , th e "tru e daughte r o f Lesbos, " realized, he r forma l Sapphi c poem s ha d faile d t o expres s he r Sap phic creativ e self . Even th e bes t amon g the m ha d bee n mer e verba l appropriations rathe r tha n rea l word s tha t spok e directl y abou t her lesbia n life . The inne r movemen t an d structur e o f "Yo u ar e young , long limbed!" however , reveale d tha t Parno k ha d a rea l Sapph o withi n her. In he r expressio n o f desir e an d lov e fo r he r tw o Marina's , sh e inscribed th e feminin e gende r o f th e desirin g subjec t an d he r de sired objec t i n a manne r strikingl y reminiscen t o f Sappho' s proce dure i n he r lyric , "faineta i mo i keno s iso s theoisin " ("I t seem s t o me that on e is equal t o th e gods"). 25 As Sapph o ha d done , Parno k asserte d th e feminin e gende r o f the desire d objec t immediately , a t th e beginnin g o f he r poem , i n the tw o feminin e adjective s tha t describe d th e addressee , "young " (molodaya) an d "long-limbed " (dlinnondgaya). A s Sapph o als o did i n "faineta i moi, " s o Parno k i n "Yo u ar e young" withhel d th e climactic revelatio n o f th e speaker' s feminin e gende r unti l th e en d of th e poe m an d inscribe d i t i n a singl e word (th e spirituall y mos t important wor d i n th e poem) , "forgave, " "hav e forgiven " (prostila). I n indicatin g th e poeti c speaker' s femal e gende r wit h a

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past-tense ver b form , moreover , Parno k employe d on e o f th e unique feature s o f Russian , namely , tha t i n th e singular , th e pas t tense of th e verb i s marked fo r th e gender o f th e speaker . But Parno k wen t Sapph o on e better , fo r th e en d o f "Yo u ar e young" containe d a doubl e surprise : no t onl y wa s th e poem' s desiring subjec t female , sh e desire d tw o women , on e fro m he r past an d on e i n he r present . Suc h desir e fro m "premonitio n an d recollection" ha d repeatedl y characterize d Parnok' s poeti c speake r from th e time o f th e poem, "A t time s premonitions , a t time s recol lections" (1910-11 ; se e chapte r 2) . Th e writin g o f "Yo u ar e young," therefore , revive d a fertil e inne r though t i n Parnok' s cre ative wor k an d prepare d he r eart h fo r a ne w see d tha t woul d germinate ove r the next two years , during which tim e she wrote n o lyrics at all . Almast finally wen t int o rehearsa l i n th e sprin g o f 1930 , an d Parnok quickl y fel l int o despai r ove r th e musica l par t o f th e pro duction. Towar d th e en d o f April , she wrote t o Shteinber g tha t th e situation wa s "catastrophic " an d i f th e conducto r wer e no t re placed, th e productio n woul d fail . Th e poe t wa s particularl y upse t at the sudde n decisio n t o remov e th e prologue an d epilogue . Things ha d no t improve d b y May . Th e rehearsal s wer e goin g terribly. Th e conducto r ha d mad e al l sort s o f changes , an d th e management agree d wit h Parno k tha t the y wer e deleterious . Sh e explained t o Shteinber g tha t "th e whol e horro r o f th e situation " lay i n th e fac t tha t th e oper a ha d t o b e pu t o n tha t season . "Th e premiere," sh e wrote, "ha s bee n postpone d t o June twenty-fourth , and th e theate r close s o n th e twenty-sixth ! There' s n o poin t i n going o n abou t ho w th e whol e thin g ha s upse t m e o n bot h th e human an d th e artisti c level. I am absolutely sick abou t it." 2 6 Spendiarov's wido w eventuall y ha d Shteinber g invite d t o Mos cow t o "interced e o n behal f o f th e musi c of Almast an d pu t a n en d to th e conductor' s 'sabotage ' o f th e opera." 2 7 Shteinber g oversa w the final rehearsals , bu t h e di d no t sta y fo r th e first performance . Parnok deepl y regrette d that , fo r i t was both a n astoundin g succes s

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that rightfull y belonge d i n par t t o hi m an d a persona l triump h fo r her, on e o f th e onl y moment s o f publi c recognitio n t h a t sh e en joyed i n he r life . Sh e wrot e Shteinber g effusivel y afte r th e premier e in a n attemp t t o shar e he r comple x emotions : I can' t forgiv e mysel f fo r no t pleadin g wit h yo u t o sta y fo r th e first performance. Th e dres s rehearsa l gav e merel y a feebl e ide a o f . . . the enthusias m [th e opera ] evoke d i n th e audience . Afte r th e first act the y bega n callin g fo r th e composer . Applaus e interrupte d an d accompanied [several ] arias . . . . Ther e wer e endles s curtai n calls , and I ca n sa y wit h satisfactio n tha t despit e th e management' s ten dency t o trea t m e a s i f I wer e alread y a dea d author , I wa s calle d back t o life by the will of th e crowd an d rather forcefull y announce d my right s t o existence . Dear Maximilia n Osyevich ! I t wa s ver y lonel y fo r m e t o g o ou t and tak e a bo w withou t you . . . . Onl y yo u an d I ar e genuinely , b y blood, connecte d wit h Alexande r Afanasyevic h [Spendiarov ] i n thi s opera. That' s wh y i t especiall y paine d m e tha t yo u weren' t b y m y side yesterday : ther e wa s n o on e fo r m e t o shar e m y grie f wit h tha t he wasn' t wit h me—a t least , i n actuality , becaus e I sense d hi s presence the whole time. . . . I'm no t afrai d o f appearin g sentimenta l and wil l tel l yo u tha t I experienc e tha t kin d o f unit y o f tex t an d music a s a marriage of the minds, an d I must sa y tha t th e marriag e was exceptionally happy , an d afte r Alexande r Afanasyevich' s death , his rea l wido w wa s no t Varvar a Leonidovna , wh o bor e hi m si x children, bu t I , wh o create d wit h Alexande r Afanasyevic h jus t on e brainchild, an d a not-fully-developed on e a t that . . . . I a m endlessl y happ y tha t yo u an d I me t eac h othe r fo r real ! I don't kno w ho w yo u fee l abou t me , bu t I remembe r yo u wit h affection. Yo u wo n th e grea t affectio n o f Olg a Nikolaevna— I hav e not know n a bette r perso n tha n sh e i n m y life—an d sh e send s yo u a friendl y hello . And I , darling, embrac e yo u wit h al l my heart. 28 Despite th e triump h o f th e firs t performance , frictio n continue d over th e prologu e an d epilogue . Ironically , Parno k ha d com e t o believe the y wer e necessar y t o th e opera , " n o t onl y a s a Sovie t passport, bu t artisticall y a s well. " W i t h o u t the m i t seeme d t o he r that th e oper a bega n an d ende d "unimpressively." 2 9 The performanc e o n Jun e 2.6 wa s als o a success , bu t les s s o

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in Parnok' s opinio n tha n openin g night . Despit e th e enthusiasti c response o f bot h audiences , on e newspape r ha d alread y com e ou t with a review that focuse d o n th e political incorrectnes s o f Almast. Apparently, al l th e to p Communis t part y officials , includin g per haps eve n Stali n himself , ha d attende d th e performanc e o n th e twenty-sixth. "W e don' t ye t know thei r enlightene d opinion, " Par nok wrot e Shteinber g in her letter thre e days later. 30 A directo r fro m Tifli s ha d visite d Parno k an d tol d he r tha t h e wanted t o moun t a productio n o f Almast i n Georgia , bu t onl y o n the conditio n tha t Almas t b e transforme d int o a proletaria n woman wh o deteste d bot h he r husband an d he r lover an d betraye d them both . " I ofte n hav e reaso n t o regret, " Parno k wrot e o f he r response, "tha t w e stil l hav e no t completel y free d ourselve s fro m certain petty bourgeoi s prejudices an d d o not conside r i t acceptabl e for women , upo n hearin g suc h a vil e proposal, t o sen d th e peopl e who mak e the m straigh t t o where an y man woul d sen d them. " Joke a s sh e di d wit h Shteinberg , sh e ha d bee n hur t b y hi s response t o her lette r abou t th e triumph o f Almast: Dear Maximilia n Osyevich , your lette r upset an d angere d me . You are wron g no t t o tak e m y word s seriously : I reall y wa s lonel y (lonely, and not "bored" as you write) on the evening when Almast was recognized , an d I reall y d o conside r tha t a larg e par t o f th e success it had belong s b y right t o you. . . . Your dr y letter i n reply to mine , which wa s s o loving, mad e m e so angry tha t Olg a Nikolaevna had to stand your picture in front o f me so that I could recall what a dear man you are in actuality. 31 Shortly afte r th e final performance o f Almast, Parno k an d Tsub erbiller wen t o n a rive r cruis e o f th e Volga . The y travele d t o th e city o f Per m an d back , an d spen t th e res t o f th e summe r i n th e country befor e returnin g t o Mosco w a t th e en d o f August . A lette r from Shteinber g wa s waitin g fo r th e poe t wit h th e new s tha t th e Spendiarovs ha d initiate d plan s t o have Almast produce d i n Ukrai nian b y th e Odess a Opera . Parno k wa s no t enthusiastic . "I n gen eral, m y tie s with tha t famil y giv e m e endles s grief, " sh e replied. 32

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Although sh e continue d t o socializ e wit h Marin a Spendiarova , sh e had neithe r "th e desir e no r th e energy " fo r dealin g wit h Varvar a Leonidovna. 33 Almast opene d th e Bolshoi' s fal l seaso n an d enjoye d ver y goo d ticket sale s for it s six September performances . T o Parnok' s regret , it wa s bein g stage d withou t a prologu e an d epilogue . In he r opin ion i t als o neede d "th e smalles t o f overtures, " bu t th e Spendiarov s had t o b e th e one s t o reques t Shteinber g t o writ e it . The y ha d no t done so , Parno k believed , because , wit h th e exceptio n o f Marina , "financial consideration s [were ] mor e importan t t o the m tha n ar tistic ones." 3 4 The summe r ha d unfortunatel y le d t o n o improvemen t i n th e poet's health , and , shortl y afte r he r retur n t o th e city , sh e caugh t the flu , whic h cause d he r t o b e bedridde n durin g th e first tw o weeks o f October . Sh e hear d fro m Shteinber g tha t th e Odess a Opera ha d indee d writte n a n officia l proposa l fo r th e righ t t o produce Almast i n Ukrainian . H e ha d sen t he r a cop y o f th e proposal fo r he r comments . Afte r thinkin g th e matte r over , sh e decided t o have no part i n it : It will be better for me . . . not to understand what has been done to my poetry an d no t t o have an y idea of i t from th e people involved in thi s shad y business . Therefore, please , please, dea r friend , don' t put th e peopl e i n Odess a i n contac t wit h me . They'v e forgotte n about me, and that's for th e best. If they remember me, I shall have to remind them in the most forceful wa y that the author isn' t dea d yet, tha t the y ar e i n dange r o f breakin g a contrac t an d bringin g financial los s to Spendiarov's estate . The latter circumstanc e would necessitate endles s explanation s wit h Varvar a Leonidovna , fo r whom I continue to lack the strength. 35 The poe t wa s alread y i n th e proces s o f separatin g fro m he r brainchild. Sh e ha d fough t he r fight an d ha d he r momen t o f tri umph. Eve n i n it s Mosco w version , th e oper a wa s n o longe r th e same Almast a s th e on e sh e ha d conceive d an d struggle d for . Maksakova ha d lef t th e rol e an d ha d bee n replace d b y a singe r

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whose "vulga r an d unbridled " interpretatio n had , i n Parnok' s opinion, erode d th e qualit y o f th e whol e production . Sh e wa s resigned t o th e possibilit y o f th e opera' s furthe r desecration : "Al l right, s o I'l l kno w tha t somewhere , someon e i s making a mocker y of wha t i s dear t o me . I shan't hinde r them,—an d it' s bette r tha t I not kno w what , precisely , they ar e doin g to it." 3 6 At th e en d o f th e yea r sh e an d Tsuberbille r agai n spen t severa l weeks a t the Uzkoye sanatorium. Afte r thei r retur n t o the city, they moved fro m thei r roo m i n th e courtyar d o f numbe r 12 A Nikitsk y Boulevard int o anothe r apartment , locate d i n a n old , one-stor y wing a t th e sam e address . Thei r previou s roo m ha d bee n o n th e main hallway o f the communal apartment , clos e to their neighbors . The ne w roo m wa s large r an d ha d tw o window s tha t looke d ou t on Nikitsk y Boulevar d wit h a vie w o f th e tree-line d pedestria n walk runnin g dow n it s cente r an d separatin g th e tw o lane s o f traffic. Th e pavemen t outsid e Parnok' s window s ha d a streetca r line a t tha t time , an d sh e coul d se e th e Nikitsk y Gate s sto p t o he r right whe n sh e looke d ou t th e window . Bes t o f all , th e ne w roo m was completel y isolate d fro m th e othe r room s i n th e apartment . Parnok bough t printe d clot h t o mak e curtain s fo r th e windows . Gornung gav e hi s friend s a n electri c calculato r fo r keepin g thei r accounts with thei r neighbors. Even more appreciated wa s his offe r of a portable sink : Since th e kitchen , th e onl y plac e i n th e apartmen t wit h runnin g water, wa s fa r dow n th e hal l fro m thei r room , washing wa s awk ward an d inconvenient . I told the m tha t I had a portable sink , o r rather, a reservoir with a cover and a tap at the bottom. It resembled a samovar and could be placed on a low stool with a basin in fron t of th e tap . Sophi a Yakovlevn a an d Olg a Nikolaevn a wer e ecstati c and urged me to bring the sink as soon as possible.37 Having a large r roo m allowe d th e wome n t o entertai n mor e guests a t a singl e time . Tsuberbiller' s friend s an d co-workers , women mathematician s fo r th e mos t part , cam e ove r regularly , and Gornun g recalle d on e o f the m i n particular , " a ver y nic e

"INTO TH E DARKNES S . . . TH E SECRE T DRAWER! " z6l

woman," h e noted , who , afte r happenin g t o hea r hi m admi t t o th e company tha t h e ha d neve r like d math , said , " I ca n teac h anyon e to lik e mathematics." 38 Gornung gav e a detailed descriptio n o f hi s friends a t this time: They dressed very simply, and almost alike, always wearing severe, almost masculin e attir e consistin g o f jacket s an d skirt s wit h hem s below the knees. Both of them wore shirts and ties. Their shoes were invariably th e sam e styl e o f brown , low-heele d oxford . The y wer e physically quit e differen t fro m on e another , however . Sophi a Ya kovlevna's poems suggest that she considered herself a redhead, but at this time her hair was more a chestnut-brown colo r with slightl y bronze highlights. Her hai r ha d probabl y darkene d wit h th e years. She had a pale face tha t wa s covered wit h abundan t freckles , especially i n spring . Sh e wa s averag e height , bu t shorte r tha n Olg a Nikolaevna an d a little fulle r tha n she . Olga Nikolaevn a ha d dar k brown hair and a pale, thin face. 39 Neither Parno k no r Tsuberbille r wor e thei r "almos t masculine " attire whe n the y live d i n th e country , wher e i t probabl y woul d have cause d unwante d attention . I n th e cit y thei r dres s ma y hav e been a wa y o f identifyin g themselve s t o othe r member s o f th e totally closete d lesbia n subculture , whic h wa s well-represente d i n the theatrical , artistic , an d universit y communities . Parnok, though , too k a certai n prid e i n he r "masculine " acces sories. "Once, " Gornun g recalled , "Sophi a Yakovlevn a opene d wide th e doo r o f he r line n cabinet , an d w e notice d ho w he r neck ties hung over a string that sh e had arrange d acros s the bac k o f th e door especiall y fo r them . Erarskay a exclaimed : 'Ho w cleverl y yo u have hung your ties. ' Laughing, Sophi a Yakovlevn a replied : 'Don' t you kno w thi s i s the only way a proper ma n hang s his ties.' " 4 0 At th e en d o f th e year , Parno k complete d a translatio n o f a n article b y Rollan d tha t h e ha d personall y commissione d he r t o do . It wa s eithe r los t o r fel l t o som e othe r mishap , an d anothe r per son's translatio n wa s publishe d instead . Th e poe t blame d Kuda shova fo r th e mix-up , an d th e tw o wome n ha d word s a t Parnok' s apartment, afte r whic h th e poe t aske d May a t o leave . Erarskay a

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was o f th e opinion tha t Kudashov a ha d indee d treate d Parno k ver y shabbily. In February , Rollan d wrot e t o Parnok , beggin g he r no t to blam e May a fo r wha t ha d happene d an d t o mak e u p wit h he r for hi s sake: "B e friend s wit h Maya ! It is a joy an d comfor t fo r m y spirit t o kno w tha t yo u ar e her friend . Yo u ar e an d wil l remai n so , won't you ? Eve n afte r I a m 'gone' ? I s tha t a promise ? Than k you." 4 1 Parnok's correspondenc e wit h th e Frenc h write r apparentl y ceased afte r he r repl y t o hi s request ; a t least , no mor e o f hi s letter s to he r ar e extant . Sh e di d se e Kudashov a agai n t o sa y good-by e when, thre e month s later , May a wa s issue d a passpor t an d lef t Russia t o join he r futur e husban d i n Switzerland . After Maksakov a lef t th e rol e o f Almast , he r persona l relation ship wit h Parno k continue d an d bega n t o change . Parno k steppe d up he r sui t o f th e youn g singer : genuinel y smitte n wit h Maksa kova's voice and particularl y fon d o f her interpretation o f Carmen , she attende d almos t ever y on e o f Maksakova' s performance s i n Bizet's masterpiece . Maksakov a coul d hav e ha d n o doubt s o f he r new fan' s admiratio n o r he r ardo r an d di d no t discourag e her . A t the beginnin g o f Marc h sh e gav e Parno k a phot o o f hersel f wit h the inscription : "T o m y dea r Sophi a Yakovlevna—than k yo u fo r your sincer e friendship ! I' d lik e t o expres s m y friendshi p an d re spect fo r yo u mor e i n actualit y tha n i n words , bu t i n lif e w e mee t only fo r a fe w minute s a t a time : I would lik e t o b e friend s wit h you fo r th e rest of my life!" 42 For th e summe r Parno k an d Tsuberbille r rente d a cottag e i n Maloyaroslavets. Sinc e the y ha d a n extr a room , the y invite d Gor nung fo r a visit. H e arrive d a t th e en d o f th e summe r an d brough t his camera wit h him. 43 Hi s friend s me t him a t the statio n an d too k him fo r a wal k aroun d th e town , whic h wa s ful l o f frui t tree s an d houses tha t seeme d t o sin k i n th e greener y o f thei r surroundin g gardens. Th e women' s cottag e wa s locate d jus t outsid e th e tow n and had a large garden wher e Gornun g took picture s o f his friends ,

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both alon e an d wit h thei r landlady . H e als o photographe d th e surrounding area , its churches an d monasteries . The thre e friend s al l enjoye d walking , an d o n a hot Augus t da y at the end of Gornung' s stay , they took a walking tour o f the entir e Maloyaroslavets area . A s they walked, Olg a Nikolaevn a wa s silen t as usua l whil e Parno k bega n reminiscin g abou t he r youth . Sh e recalled he r first impressio n o f birc h tree s whe n sh e arrive d i n th e north fro m Taganrog , ho w th e "beaut y o f thei r whit e trunks " captivated her . This led to memorie s o f al l the poets sh e had me t i n Petersburg, he r evening s a t Ivanov' s Towe r an d a t th e Gertsyk s i n Moscow wher e sh e ha d als o hear d Ivano v rea d hi s poems. 44 Fo r Gornung, Parno k provide d a livin g lin k wit h th e poeti c cultur e o f the Silve r Ag e tha t h e coul d neve r kno w firsthand an d tha t wa s increasingly bein g censore d ou t o f Russia n literar y history . Suddenly tha t fall , Parno k bega n writin g poem s again . In th e first lyri c o f thi s autum n renaissance , sh e assesse d he r emotiona l and creativ e situation : My blood and my rhymes have a shortage. We're no longer whinnying or snorting, we don't frolic, or slant our eyes— we're reconciled to this life! With age we've become more docile, we dream of the warmth of the stable, we've forgotten ou r wild oats, in favor o f daily groats . . . Trudge on, trudge on, my placid gelding! Your step is heavy, your step is measured, and the fire in your eyes has gone out, my Pegasus who has grown stout! (#222) In acknowledgin g he r reconciliatio n t o mundan e reality , Parno k may hav e realize d tha t sh e ha d disregarde d he r ow n lyrica l advic e of five years befor e an d ha d exchange d he r poet's homelessnes s fo r a "war m stable " an d "dail y groats. " Previously , sh e ha d asserte d that n o poe t woul d mak e suc h a n exchange . A t th e sam e time ,

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there is an admirable an d subversive if unglamorous honest y i n her admission tha t sh e had give n i n to unheroi c everyda y life . I t was, after all , the expected outcom e o f a n unsuccessfu l Belleropho n t o whom Parno k ha d compare d hersel f nin e year s previousl y i n her antihero revisio n o f hi s myt h (#97) . I f i n tha t poe m he r poeti c speaker ha d doubte d th e realit y o f heroe s wh o sla y Chimera s and poet s wh o invariably overcom e thei r foes , here , i n #222 , she wondered i f a late middle-age d Bellerophon , livin g under a victorious Chimera , coul d escap e creativ e stultification . Whil e he r Pega sus o f 192 2 was still winged , b y 193 1 he had been gelded , shack led, and put out to pasture. Psychologically, a poet's mus e can be understood a s her creative self, o r th e spiri t tha t energize s he r creativ e self . Parnok' s 193 1 Pegasus thu s bespok e a poet i n the midst o f a n ag e crisis. Havin g the pas t summe r celebrate d he r forty-sixth birthday , sh e suddenl y seemed t o have realize d tha t sh e had traded i n the "madnesses" of her youth—poetr y an d passion—for comfor t an d peace. He r age crisis coul d wel l hav e bee n brough t o n by a change i n her feeling s for Mari a Maksakova , whic h i n turn stimulate d he r long-dormant , "youthful" creativit y an d challenged he r to ungeld her muse. In th e fal l sh e bega n wor k o n a librett o fo r a n oper a Yuli a Veisberg wa s composing, Gyulnara. Th e basis o f th e libretto wa s the on e Parnok ha d begu n t o write fo r Shteinberg' s Abductress of the Heart fiftee n year s earlie r an d ha d neve r finished. Jus t a s she had create d Almas t i n th e imag e o f Lyudmil a Erarskaya , s o she wrote the role of Gyulnara wit h Maksakov a i n mind and dedicated the librett o t o her . Durin g th e final stage s o f compositio n he r relationship wit h Maksakov a heate d up . Her "placid gelding " sud denly quickene d it s gait , an d he r ow n coole d bloo d bega n t o simmer. Th e calming powe r o f Olg a Nikolaevna' s "amule t palm " weakened. Parno k bega n t o mov e spirituall y an d creatively , pre paring hersel f fo r wha t sh e woul d shortl y describ e a s he r final "running lea p into death , an d languor" (#240) . The eigh t lyric s sh e wrot e i n October-Novembe r 193 1 afte r

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her lon g creativ e hibernatio n expresse d th e tw o mai n emotional spiritual aspect s o f he r lif e a t tha t time : he r fat e a s a poet an d he r infatuation fo r Maksakova . Th e reviva l o f he r libid o i n wha t sh e considered he r ol d ag e (he r winter ) astonishe d her , a s i f sh e wer e witnessing a natural wonder : Does winter really have thunderstorms and sky that's bluer than a blueprint? I like the fact that you have eyes that slant, and also that your soul comes slanted. I like the headlong briskness of your gait, the chilly feeling of your shoulders, your frivolous an d none-too-ready talk , your tight-drawn thighs, just like a mermaid's. I like how when I'm in your chilly breeze, as in a raging fire I just melt, I like—oh how can I admit to this?!— I like that you don't like me yet. (#223) Parnok's feeling s fo r Maksakov a seeme d t o b e that kin d o f lov e that feed s o n itself , heedless of reciprocity . Bu t the chie f attraction , which characteristicall y Parno k save d fo r th e last line of he r poem , had a Dostoevskian , ironi c twis t expresse d i n th e imag e o f th e lover who enjoy s eve n rejectio n b y the objec t o f he r desire . Parno k may hav e fel t tha t evokin g a negativ e respons e i n Maksakov a wa s a mor e encouragin g sig n tha n arousin g n o response , o r Maksa kova's "chilliness " may simpl y hav e excited he r a s the diffidence o f powerful, passionat e wome n s o often ha d i n her life . By the en d o f Octobe r sh e was i n a more sombe r fram e o f mind , which inspire d he r t o write—a s "murderou s moods " s o ofte n did—a metaphori c expressio n o f he r creativ e lif e i n wha t sh e fel t sure was it s last flourishing : My unglorious day is waning, finally, th e end has come . . . Oh my ash tree-ice! My poems, light-transparent, frigid ones ! I do not intend to leave my

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useless goods to anyone. I am polishing the crystal and the silver just for one. And my icon lamp is burning, getting rosy from insid e . . . Well, and all of you who spurn it, from m y feast just hide your eyes . . . It's the arctic here. With reason I keep warm as daylight wanes with this secret heat, emitted from m y glassy-surfaced blaze . (#224) Parnok's idiosyncrati c an d neologisti c metapho r o f he r poetr y as "ashtree-ice " ma y sugges t a n allusio n t o Nors e mythology' s Yggdrasil, th e Worl d As h Tree , whic h itsel f i s a symbo l o f th e universal mothe r an d th e source of al l unborn souls. 45 In the poem , however, th e definitio n o f th e poeti c speaker' s poetr y concerne d her les s tha n th e expressio n o f wha t he r lif e wa s lik e i n complet e isolation fro m othe r poet s an d fro m readers , a n isolatio n suc h a s one woul d suffe r i f on e inhabite d th e Arcti c circle . Th e onl y warmth i n he r environmen t cam e fro m he r "useles s goods, " an d the superfluou s emotion s o f he r wanin g years . Sh e continue d he r meditations o n he r poetic fate : And truly, one cannot predict who in the world will be one's reader: a ball can't know what it will hit once it's been shot into the distance. Well, then, my life-creating verse, whom I breathe, in whom I live, fly into the darkness, into the void, or simply, into the secret drawer! Our path was blocked at midpoint by a cruel century. But we're not complaining— let it be! And yet, and in the main, it's a splendid thing, this century! Perhaps it has no use for poems, or for names and patronymics,

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or for separate lonelinesses— still, it kneads the dough of centuries! (#225) This poem expresse d Parnok' s acceptanc e o f th e crue l centur y tha t had cu t he r pat h of f a t midpoin t wit h revolution , civi l war , an d violence. Acceptanc e mean t liberatio n fro m bitternes s an d resent ment. Ye t o n th e sam e da y sh e wrot e o f he r acceptance , sh e als o expressed he r awarenes s o f th e escape offered b y suicide : They've cut a hole through the dark blue thickness of ice: an air vent for big fish and little, water for water hoistings, a way out for a weary woman traveler, if, in the end, life turned out not to be traveling her road, if she had nowhere to go! (#226)46 Despite thought s o f suicid e an d no-exi t situations , Parno k con tinued writing . Sh e wrote s o passionately, tha t i n "Chas e verse s of the nigh t away " (#227) , writte n i n November , th e poeti c speake r warned hersel f awa y fro m "nigh t chirring, " th e cicadea n musi c o f verses written i n the heat o f th e moment—or, t o carr y throug h th e implied metapho r o f th e poem , lyric s writte n i n a n orgasmi c state . She migh t als o hav e bee n warnin g hersel f abou t mistakin g "nigh t love" fo r rea l love , o r fo r allowin g nigh t lov e alon e t o inspir e her. Sh e had , quit e literally , bee n writin g nigh t verse s sinc e he r adolescence—those gymnasiu m lyric s sh e would pe n a t tw o i n th e morning t o fee d he r sexua l hunger . Ove r he r lon g creative matura tion th e daytim e criti c i n he r ha d com e t o realiz e tha t nigh t verse s and orgasmi c state s produce d "preemie s o f th e spirit, " becaus e "night assiste d a t thei r birth " an d "night—i s a ba d midwife " (#227). Thus , i n th e first flus h o f he r "belated " creativ e surge , sh e reminded hersel f no t t o foreg o he r "momentar y excitations, " bu t to le t the m coo l dow n an d allo w "da y whic h bring s al l thing s t o light / to sprea d it s cold ove r th e lines" (#227) . Throughout th e earl y winte r sh e remaine d i n a "momentar y

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excitation" ove r Maksakova . Whe n sh e finishe d he r libretto , sh e dedicated i t t o th e singe r i n lyri c form , askin g he r t o accep t i t a s a "gift o f love. " Her hop e was, she wrote, that Maksakova' s feeling s would b e "enlivened" b y the libretto's "brisk , full-bloode d stor y of vindictive love' s intrigues, " an d sh e conclude d th e poe m wit h a direct exhortation : "Tak e a breath—an d bloom , Gyulnara, 47 / o h rouse yourself, m y byul-byul. 4S Sing! " (#228) . Five day s later , sh e agai n shifte d he r lyrica l attentio n fro m he r love affair t o th e sa d fat e o f poet s lik e her i n a totalitarian, warrio r state. She addressed th e "warriors, " in whom sh e saw the "spittin g image o f [her ] century, " an d wondere d "wha t i n th e nam e o f Go d [they were ] mad e of. " Nevertheless , sh e retaine d he r fait h tha t there would stil l be young people a s there had bee n in the past wh o will dream by the moonlight, get shivers from music , from hot waves of darkness, hang out with the muses, and rave the way we raved. (#229 ) A passag e fro m Gornung' s journa l provide s a livin g pictur e o f Parnok a t th e en d o f th e yea r i n relativel y hig h spirits , which wer e as nativ e t o he r a s he r melancholy , somethin g no t easil y apparen t from he r poems. Gornung ha d com e over on the December evenin g in questio n t o brin g Parno k som e picture s h e ha d frame d fo r her . He foun d he r enjoyin g th e compan y o f on e o f he r bes t friends , Faina Ranevskaya, 49 a well-know n actres s originall y fro m Tagan rog, wh o ha d droppe d b y wit h he r lates t companion , " a young , very pretty , tall , an d elegantl y dresse d actres s fro m th e Chambe r Theater." 50 A gifted raconteur , Ranevskay a wa s almos t a s famou s for he r witty an d bawd y storie s as she was for he r super b characte r acting, an d sh e was i n rar e for m tha t evening . Gornung decide d t o stay, an d lik e th e others , h e fel l unde r Ranevskaya' s spell . Parno k herself adore d anecdote s and , i f sh e happene d t o hea r one s sh e liked, recounte d the m wit h relish . Sh e too wa s i n he r elemen t tha t

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evening, laughin g an d openl y delightin g i n he r guests , especiall y Ranevskaya's companion , Natalya Efron . Th e young woman stoo d by Ranevskaya' s chai r wit h a continuou s smil e o n he r "uncom monly blooming , rosy , dark-eye d face . Sh e spok e little, " Gornun g recalled, "an d onl y i n respons e t o question s fro m Sophi a Yakov levna, who coul d no t tak e he r eye s off her. " Clearly, Parnok ha d revive d eroticall y a s well a s creatively. As if in anticipatio n o f he r final act , al l stood poise d i n readines s fo r th e appearance o f th e woma n sh e woul d lov e t o he r ver y deat h an d celebrate a s her "Musi c o f Musics. "

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"Hello, M y Love ! My G r e y - H a i r e d E v e !

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The majo r an d ofte n onl y sourc e o f informatio n abou t th e las t eighteen month s o f Parnok' s lif e i s the poems sh e wrote t o he r las t lover, Nin a Yevgenyevn a Vedeneyeva . Bor n i n Tiflis , Georgia , i n 1882, an d educate d i n par t abroad , Vedeneyev a wa s a physicist a t Moscow Stat e Universit y an d a colleagu e o f Tsuberbiller's . He r brother wa s a prominent engineer , on e o f th e builder s o f th e Dnie prostroy hydroelectri c dam , whic h mean t tha t sh e had famil y con nections a t th e to p o f th e Sovie t intelligentsia , a clas s o f peopl e whose live s wer e rule d b y outwar d conformity , discretion , an d meticulous observanc e o f propriety . Whe n sh e me t Parnok , Vede neyeva wa s livin g wit h he r son , Yevgen y (Zhenya) . Sh e was eithe r widowed o r divorce d an d ha d ha d n o previou s lesbia n relation ships, which explain s th e virginal aur a sh e possesses in som e of th e poems Parno k wrot e t o her . The Vedeneyev a poem s ar e al l o f a piece , althoug h the y ar e divided int o tw o cycles . The first an d shorte r cycl e of seve n poems , or "stars, " is called "Urs a Major, " an d th e remaining twenty-thre e poems compris e th e secon d cycle , "Useles s Goods. " Together , th e Vedeneyeva cycle s represen t Parnok' s lyrica l diar y o f he r lov e af fair fro m he r poeti c speaker' s initia l hell o ove r th e telephon e i n 270

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January 193 2 t o he r final, unfinishe d good-by e o n he r deathbe d i n late August 1933 . During her last love affair Parno k continue d t o live with Tsuber biller, and o n the outside, at least, their relationshi p remaine d wha t it had bee n i n th e past . Eve n i f Parno k ha d wante d t o find a roo m of he r own , whic h apparentl y sh e di d not , i t woul d hav e bee n nearly impossibl e fo r he r t o d o s o because o f he r invali d conditio n and th e difficultie s o f finding anothe r suitabl e apartment . Thi s meant tha t sh e an d Vedeneyev a ha d almos t n o privacy . Parno k was frequentl y to o il l to g o out; Vedeneyev a worke d lon g hours i n her laborator y an d ha d n o privac y a t hom e becaus e o f he r son , who seem s not t o have mad e Parno k fee l particularl y welcome . Vedeneyeva visite d Parno k almos t daily , especiall y towar d th e end o f th e poet's life , an d th e lovers create d thei r ow n worl d i n th e room o n Nikitsk y Boulevar d a s i f th e peopl e continuall y aroun d them di d no t exist . Thei r attractio n t o eac h othe r wa s evidentl y s o powerful tha t despit e thei r ag e an d upbringin g the y ofte n disre garded wha t wer e considere d th e mos t basi c socia l proprieties: 1 "It wa s a s i f tw o peopl e ha d me t wh o touche d a t man y points . Hence, thei r mutua l adoratio n an d raptur e an d th e intensit y o f their interaction . Whe n anyon e els e wa s present , th e tw o o f the m would mov e of f int o a corne r o f th e roo m an d spea k i n hushe d voices as if they alway s had somethin g urgent to say to one anothe r and ha d seeme d t o forge t tha t ther e wer e othe r peopl e i n th e room." 2 Olga Nikolaevn a naturall y suffered , n o doub t i n silence , fro m Vedeneyeva's intrusio n int o th e have n o f cal m sh e ha d create d fo r Parnok. In rememberin g th e past man y year s afte r Parnok' s death , Tsuberbiller apparentl y conveye d he r belief , withou t statin g it , that Vedeneyev a ha d no t bee n goo d fo r Parnok . Th e poe t hersel f admitted a s muc h i n he r poems : i n lovin g Nin a Yevgenyevna , she utterl y exhauste d hersel f an d possibl y hastene d he r alread y premature death . Bu t th e poem s als o mak e i t clea r tha t tha t wa s the wa y Parno k wante d it . I t i s a testimon y t o Olg a Nikolaevna' s

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love tha t sh e allowe d he r frien d th e freedo m t o lov e someon e else , and, i n some sense , to choos e her ow n death . In additio n t o th e triangula r tension s tha t he r "untimely " pas sion provoked , Parno k suffere d fro m Vedeneyeva' s lon g resistanc e to physica l intimacy . Ther e wa s a plus sid e t o thi s suffering , how ever. A s i n he r adolescence , Parnok' s frustratio n becam e a poten t source o f inspiration , bu t now , i n he r poeti c maturity , i t prove d the ol d adag e that th e greatest lov e poetry i s often writte n b y poet s when the y ar e getting the least love . Vedeneyeva's changeabl e responses , now warm, no w cool , seem to have reminded Parnok , perhaps unconsciously , o f her firs t lover , Nadezhda Polyakova . Th e Vedeneyev a poem s a t an y rat e leav e n o doubt tha t th e "sixteen-year-ol d excitement " (#258 ) tha t create d them mad e Parno k fee l youn g again . He r behavio r i n th e affair , a s impulsive an d "mad " a s any sh e had manifeste d i n her life, an d th e lyrical imag e sh e create d o f he r belove d a s he r "tormentress, " he r "muse," and he r "madca p demon, " als o recall her firs t seriou s lov e and lover . Parnok's poem s t o Vedeneyev a represen t a tota l symbiosi s o f life, love , an d lyric . The poet's whol e lif e ha d i n som e sens e serve d as a preparatio n fo r thi s creativ e ac t tha t structurall y resemble s a giant Mahle r symphon y o f fou r movements . Th e first movement , which migh t b e marke d allegro leggiero e appassionato, move s from Januar y throug h Jun e (##232—47) . Lik e man y o f Mahler' s first movements , Parnok' s i s oversized an d impressivel y off-center , just a s th e poet' s mammot h lov e i s "off-target " (#240) . Suc h asymmetry i s emblematic o f th e untimeliness o f th e poet's lov e an d the unwieldy burde n o f he r passion . After Jun e 193 2 ther e i s a break i n th e lyrica l flow a s a t th e en d of a symphoni c movement . Th e secon d movement , a kin d o f scherzo con brio, molto frenetico, expresse s th e poet' s hars h an d despairing "unslakabl e thirst " durin g Augus t an d Septembe r ( # # 2 4 9 - 5 3 ) . Parnok' s scherzo coul d b e see n t o contai n a Trio section (#252) , i n th e for m o f a lyri c writte n fo r thre e voices : I ,

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You, an d Death . I t contrasts sharpl y wit h th e rest o f th e scherzo i n mood an d temp o whil e reprisin g the fram e scherzo's material . The thir d movemen t o f th e Vedeneyev a poems , andante molto lyrico (##254—58) , carrie s th e lov e affai r fro m Octobe r throug h December o n a n "enormou s wave " (#238 ) o f ecstati c nostalgia . I t is punctuate d b y th e poet' s lament s ove r paradis e los t an d b y on e moment o f blac k despai r an d suicida l resolv e "t o outstubbor n life." The Vedeneyev a symphon y conclude s wit h a farewel l adagio composed o f thre e lyrica l goodbye s (259—61 ) stretche d ove r a six month period , an d finall y Parnok' s las t poe m t o he r lover , whis pered o n he r deathbed , whic h someon e late r copie d int o the manu script o f th e cycles . Like Mahler' s symphoni c son g cycl e Das Lied von der Erde, Parnok' s lyrica l symphon y o f song s begin s wit h a ring, crescendo s t o a shout , an d end s i n deathl y stillnes s throug h the ech o o f a whispere d farewell . Ther e i s a strikin g similarit y between th e en d o f "Useles s Goods " an d "De r Abschied, " th e las t song in Das Lied von der Erde. Despite widel y divergen t moods , frequen t shift s o f ke y fro m major t o minor , an d th e mos t far-reachin g modulations , Parnok' s song cycle s ar e unifie d b y leitmotifs ; he r familia r theme s o f an guish, poetry, the elements (wind , water, earth , fire), heat and cold , illness, madness , remembering , an d death . Th e poem s ar e als o interconnected throug h recurren t image s o f sustenanc e (eating , drinking) an d sound . Sustenance denote s materia l an d spiritua l intake , whil e soun d implies acoustica l an d creativ e output . Thi s interrelationshi p be tween takin g i n an d puttin g ou t i s emblemati c o f th e emotional , creative, an d amorou s interactio n betwee n th e poeti c speake r an d her beloved : th e poe t partake s o f he r muse/belove d an d produce s lyrics expressing her love . She brings this "produce," these "useles s goods," bac k t o he r love r a s gifts i n a continuous cycl e that begin s with he r inspiratio n an d end s with he r expiration . References t o eatin g an d drinkin g accompan y ever y stag e in th e

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narration o f th e lov e affai r an d clima x i n a highl y charge d meta phor o f sexualit y a s cannibalism—wit h a difference . Th e poeti c speaker visualize s hersel f a s a "somewha t toothless " canniba l whose voraciou s lip s hav e displace d th e usua l mal e cannibal' s violating teeth . The consummatio n o f th e lovers ' passio n take s plac e i n a n earthly ("sinful" ) paradise , recallin g a rea l garde n i n th e tow n o f Kashin. Parno k demythologize s an d regender s th e stor y o f Ada m and Eve , employin g i t subversivel y t o affir m an d glorif y a lov e between tw o middle-age d wome n tha t offere d "victual s fa r tastier " than thos e share d b y patriarchy' s original , young , heterosexua l lovers. The stor y o f Ada m an d Ev e is only one of the patriarchal storie s that Parno k quietl y reimagined , an d remembere d i n he r magnu m opus. I f th e poeti c speake r o f "Urs a Major " an d "Useles s Goods " was "vedeneyevized " b y her love r (a s she noted i n one poem), then the poe t o f th e Vedeneyev a cycle s i n effec t "vedeneyevized " a number o f patriarcha l must-reads . A partia l lis t o f he r "regen dered" classic s include s Dante' s Inferno; Petrarch' s sonnets ; Push kin's Ruslan and Lyudmila; Wagner' s "Liebestod " fro m Tristan und Isolde; an d Mozart' s Don Giovanni. The dat e o f Parno k an d Vedeneyeva' s firs t meetin g canno t b e fixed wit h certainty . The y ma y hav e me t a s earl y a s Novembe r 1931 o r a s lat e a s th e beginnin g o f 1932 . Parnok' s first poe m t o Vedeneyeva, "N o enigm a i s to o subtle " (#232) , wa s writte n i n January 193 2 an d suggest s tha t whe n Parno k wrot e it , sh e wa s already strongl y attracte d t o her "ster n physicist, " strongl y enoug h to b e mystifie d b y wha t th e poeti c speake r call s "th e strang e law s of attractio n an d repulsion " tha t seeme d t o b e governin g "th e phone zone " i n her communa l apartment . Lik e a young woma n i n Hove fo r th e first time , th e poeti c speake r o f th e first poe m fear s 'rejection an d mus t scre w u p he r courag e t o cal l th e woma n sh e 1 desires. A t th e beginnin g o f th e las t stanz a sh e exhort s herself , "—Should I call ? O h wha t th e heck , I reall y hav e t o b e mor e

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daring," an d sh e sounds , fo r al l th e world , lik e th e older-frien d persona i n th e adolescen t Parnok' s gymnasiu m poe m "Correspon dence," wh o urge s hi s younge r frien d t o b e bolde r wit h hi s girl friend i f he wants t o mak e an y headway . The first stage s of Parnok' s attractio n t o Vedeneyeva overlappe d with he r infatuatio n fo r Maksakova , whic h peake d i n lat e Januar y 1932. O n Januar y 2 9 th e poe t wrot e he r las t lov e lyri c t o Maksa kova, i n whic h sh e mad e th e addresse e (Maksakova ) th e speake r who sing s a "Gypsy Song " to her love r (Parnok) : I know who you're mad for, darling! And for whom your sighing pleads: and it's me who has enflamed yo u with this burning, chilly breeze. Don't lie low, don't be persistent— either way, you'll come again, gypsy love has put its stinger in our hearts and done us in. I feel frolicsome thi s evening, like a thunderstorm i n May . . . Oh, you won't forget these shoulders and this slant-eyed gaze! (#230) Vedeneyeva intrude d int o thi s gyps y infatuatio n an d inherite d the libidinou s an d creativ e yearning it had arouse d i n the poet. Sh e offered a n entirely differen t attraction , however, an d a soul-stirrin g love, one lik e al l grea t love s tha t remain s opaqu e t o outsiders , an d is particularly hermeti c i n view o f th e scant y informatio n availabl e about th e woma n wh o arouse d it . On e ha s littl e sens e of Vedeney eva apar t fro m Parnok' s lyrica l perceptio n o f her . Th e on e avail able photograp h o f Nin a Yevgenyevn a come s eeril y close , how ever, t o confirmin g Parnok' s verba l physica l portrait , especiall y with regar d t o he r lover' s youthfulness , "silver-gre y head, " an d "Dantian profile. " By the beginnin g o f February , Parno k wa s alread y i n love : I, like a blind woman, find my way by touch to your voice, your warmth, your smell . . .

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In Pluto's garden I shall not get lost: where you went in is East, West where you went out. All right then, lead me, lead, lead even through al l the circles of hell to that sandstorm blowin g up ahead, you're the only Virgil that I need! (#233) The remarkable thin g about thi s and mos t o f the other Vedeneyev a poems i s the way Parno k expresse d th e most poetic thoughts i n th e simplest, mos t down-to-earth , colloquia l language . Sh e had finally found he r ow n "rea l words. " In th e first stanz a o f th e poe m sh e compare d Vedeneyev a t o a sun goddes s wh o ha d com e int o he r sightles s (sense-denied ) worl d and ha d give n he r a compas s t o orien t hersel f i n "Pluto' s garden, " the Garde n o f th e Hesperide s an d mythologica l spac e outsid e th e entrance t o Hade s (Death) . The n th e poe t recas t th e myt h o f th e sun goddess' s tri p t o th e underworl d int o a classi c Christia n liter ary context—Dant e an d Virgil' s tri p throug h th e Inferno . Sh e sa w herself a s Dant e an d Vedeneyev a a s Virgil , a compariso n tha t underscored th e equalit y o f th e lover s an d th e homoeroti c natur e of thei r passion : the y shar e vocation , creativity , gender. 3 Th e dif ference betwee n the m a t thi s poin t i s tha t Vedeneyev a i s a paga n "tourguide" (again , shades of the poet's amorou s past) an d Parno k is a Christia n blindwoman . O n th e verba l level , Vedeneyev a be came he r poet' s leade r (Virgil ) b y virtu e o f he r ver y name , a s Parnok emphasize d i n he r tripl e repetitio n o f th e imperativ e for m of th e verb , "t o lead, " vedee, whic h play s o n th e soun d o f th e first two syllable s of Vedeeneyeva' s surname. 4 By mid-February th e women ha d becom e intimate : / dream of you, I dream of pleasure. —Baratynsky Your eyes are wide open, your mouth clamped shut. And I feel like shouting at you rudely: "You senseless woman you! The other way about— Shut, shut your eyes, open your lips to me!" That's the way, tormentress . .. A t long last! . . .

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Let us not make haste in vain. Leave rushing to the callow youth, in kisses I'm fond o f five-yearplans! (#234) Vedeneyeva ha d alread y penetrate d int o Parnok' s drea m lif e an d had change d i t fro m a privat e worl d o f spiritua l raptur e t o on e o f physical excitemen t an d yearning . I t seeme d t o he r poeti c speake r that th e woma n sh e wante d ha d tormente d he r fo r rathe r a whil e before openin g her lips , and onc e inside, kissing her, sh e enthusias tically endorse d a personal politica l economic s o f "five-yea r plans " for kissing . Thes e persona l politic s represente d a n ironi c play , obviously, o n Stalin' s five-year plan , fo r whic h Parno k ha d n o enthusiasm whatsoever . The tw o poem s tha t Parno k wrot e o n Februar y 2 4 showe d that he r patienc e wit h Vedeneyeva' s reticenc e wa s wearin g thin , although sh e coul d stil l b e good-humore d abou t th e slo w pac e o f their "romance " o r "novel"(#236) . In Russia n th e wor d roman means both , an d th e poe m "I t bega n wit h chapte r five" (#236 ) played o n thi s fact . Th e poe t compare d he r affai r t o a long , eigh teenth-century sentimenta l novel , th e kin d o f lov e stor y i n whic h the lover s see m alway s abou t t o mak e love , bu t neve r do , an d th e heroine's virginit y remain s intac t unti l he r marriag e a t th e end . Their novel , Parno k wrote , seeme d t o hav e begu n i n th e fifth chapter. N o soone r ha d the y me t tha n the y "becam e tongue-tied, " aware tha t the y wer e fate d fo r eac h othe r an d i n love . Thei r first kiss followed, bu t the n the y encountered som e obstacle tha t force d them t o spen d th e nigh t apart . Havin g com e thi s far , th e poeti c speaker di d no t want t o star t al l over again fro m th e beginning an d Again find out how they drank tea, sat decorously side by side, exchanged quite accidentally a glance that's sort of crazy-eyed . . . So, she made her love r a proposition : Come on, let's read, the two of us, "an excellently long, long romance." 5

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Want to make a start together? But only, please, right in the middle!(#236) Since th e tex t (romance ) the y woul d rea d represente d th e bod y o f their lov e an d th e lov e o f thei r bodies , t o begi n tha t tex t "i n th e middle" acquire d implied , bu t unmistakable , sexua l meaning . For al l it s lightheartednes s an d witt y word-play , th e textual / sexual metapho r o f "I t bega n wit h chapte r five" conveye d th e serious an d frustratin g realit y o f th e lovers ' situation : the y ha d n o place t o b e alon e togethe r i n orde r t o "begi n i n th e middle. " Considering Vedeneyeva' s warines s abou t a sexua l commitment , the obstacl e o f n o roo m a t th e in n (o r n o in n t o b e had) ma y hav e reinforced an d provide d a rationalizatio n fo r he r reticence . A t th e same time, it must hav e drive n bot h wome n ma d wit h desir e to th e point wher e the y probabl y di d exchang e "crazy-eye d glances " a s they "sa t decorousl y sid e b y side , drinkin g tea " wit h everpresen t friends. After thei r first kis s Vedeneyev a apparentl y retreate d behin d her previous , clamped-li p defense . Parnok' s desir e tha t somethin g magical interced e t o brea k dow n tha t defens e expresse d itsel f i n "Breeze ou t o f Viavocala " (#235), 6 i n whic h th e poe t invoke d a breeze fro m a neologisti c fantas y islan d t o waf t ove r he r beloved , ruffle he r "gre y locks, " mak e he r "hear t star t t o tremble, " an d "warm u p inside. " Viavocal a (i n Russian , viogolbsa) denote d th e speaker's drea m o f a n amorou s paradis e where they kiss without palaver, where this is the women's creed: when you kiss them, you feel happy, when you kiss, you won't come smashing against a palisade of teeth. (#235 ) During March , th e mos t lyricall y productiv e mont h i n th e lov e affair, Parno k wrot e seve n poems , whic h complete d th e first cycl e and mad e th e transition t o the second. Sometime durin g the mont h Olga Nikolaevn a wen t t o visi t som e acquaintance s i n th e Cauca -

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sus, an d he r absenc e gav e th e lover s mor e opportunitie s t o b e alone together . One of Vedeneyeva's visit s in March le d Parnok t o a new, tragi c insight int o thei r relationship . Sh e suddenl y realize d tha t sh e ha d come to o lat e t o thi s lov e an d th e creativit y i t inspired , jus t a s sh e had recognize d a s early a s 192 6 tha t sh e had mad e a tardy appear ance i n th e theate r an d o n th e mainstag e o f Russia n poetry . He r desire, a s intens e a s i t ha d bee n i n he r adolescence , seeme d mock ingly inappropriat e t o he r ag e an d "withering " body . A s th e poe t gazed a t he r beloved , sh e understoo d th e whol e poignanc y an d pain o f stil l wanting : A head of silver grey. And youthful features . And Dante's profile. And a winged gaze, and sorrow runs its fingers over my heart strings: ah but the love I feel is out of place! But be a little curious, just listen, how aging women suddenly go mad . . . Yes, I'd like to be a little stronger, drier, like old wine—you know, I'm old myself! If time could just evaporate this sweetness! I've had enough. I do not want to want! . . . Happy are those who in their youth can manage to get their fill of sparkle, froth, an d song . . . I've come too late. The curtain has been lowered, the hall empties. Not for intermission—it's the end. Just in the gallery there one fool's still raving, the more despairingly, the more intense. (#237) 7 Three day s late r i n a ver y differen t moo d Parno k affectionatel y reproached Vedeneyev a fo r he r lukewarmness . Suc h teasin g per mitted he r t o reliev e som e o f th e tensio n cause d b y her frustration . Calling he r belove d "no t kind , an d no t malicious , / bu t dr y lik e standing wood, " th e speake r o f th e poem wondere d a t the myster y of love , a t wh y suc h a temperat e personalit y ha d ha d suc h a n enormous impac t o n he r creativ e imagination, "soakin g [it ] like a n enormous wave. " A t th e en d o f th e poe m sh e acknowledge d th e

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simplest, mos t irrationa l explanation : " I lov e you , s o i t can' t b e helped!" (#238) . This i s anothe r o f th e Vedeneyev a poem s tha t recal l on e o f Parnok's earlies t lov e lyrics , t o Nadezhd a Polyakova , "Wh y d o I love you ? D o yo u know? " (se e chapte r 1) . Suc h similaritie s be tween th e poet's earlies t an d las t lyrics—and the y ar e numerous — confirm Parnok' s belie f tha t sh e ha d know n fro m th e beginnin g what sh e wante d t o express , bu t ha d ha d t o searc h lon g an d har d for how. Parnok's matur e poetic s ha d begu n t o emerg e i n 1922 , attaine d their pea k fro m 192 6 on , an d reache d thei r "ultimat e music " i n the Vedeneyev a cycles . He r lat e poem s provid e evidenc e o f pre cisely wha t sh e ha d don e i n orde r t o realiz e he r gift . Technically , she move d towar d life' s "ruthlessl y monosyllabic " quality : sh e adopted a shorte r line ; introduced mor e rhythmi c variation int o it ; and reduce d th e numbe r o f adjective s i n he r poem s b y a t leas t seventy-five percent . In term s o f substance , sh e revise d traditiona l metaphors o f lov e an d existence , rejecte d th e hackneye d imager y of nineteenth-centur y Romanti c poetr y whil e retainin g it s spirit , and ultimately , eschewe d "poetic " languag e altogethe r i n favo r o f everyday, prosaic speech. 8 Parnok's ton e o f affectionat e reproac h an d self-iron y continue d into th e first poe m o f "Useles s Goods, " a s th e poeti c speake r accused he r "greedy , deaf-mute " love r (an d muse ) o f takin g good s she did no t nee d whil e not acceptin g them : What use to you is all this produce— the thundering play of elements, the rapid heartbeat of a poet, her verse in all its shagginess? (#239 ) The combinatio n o f Vedeneyeva' s avidit y an d he r rejectio n o f th e "goods" sh e wa s avi d fo r ha d mad e Parnok' s hunge r fo r he r vio lent. In the last stanza o f thi s poem, th e poetic speaker joke d t o he r beloved tha t poet s wer e "wil d women " an d "cannibals. " Then ,

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quoting line s fro m a Pushki n poem , whic h th e fairy-tal e her o speaks t o hi s nemesis , a monstrou s empt y head , Parnok' s wil d woman issue d a warnin g t o he r beloved : "S o jus t watc h ou t be cause I' m riding , / ' I ride , I ride—withou t a peep , / I'l l rid e yo u down an d it' s fo r keeps ' " (#239) . Th e poe m i s buil t o n a n un translatable pu n tha t i s roote d i n th e chanc e visua l an d auditor y resemblance betwee n th e etymologicall y dissimila r Russia n root s for "eat " (yed) an d "ride " (yezd an d yed). Th e poeti c speake r calls hersel f a canniba l (lyudoyed, literally , eater of people, bu t metalinguistically i n context , rider down of people) wh o i s ridin g down her prey (he r beloved) i n order to eat her. The motion ver b in the las t line , "I'l l rid e you down " (nayedu) acquire s metalinguisti c connotations o f "I'l l ea t you dow n (t o my ful l satisfaction)." 9 On th e sam e da y whe n sh e wrot e "You'r e greedy , deaf-mut e woman" t o Vedeneyeva , Parno k acknowledge d i n a poe m t o her self th e seriousnes s o f he r hunge r an d th e ultimat e goa l o f he r furious ride : I live, and even from mysel f I hide that I'm exhausted an d that Pm tormented by you as I am by music! I live off-target, out-of-tunely , but in a temper, at top speed, willfully, defiantly — and so, full blast, Pll take a running leap into death, as into languor. (#240 ) Thus, sh e vowe d t o pla y thi s "las t game " ou t t o it s inevitabl e end, an d t o pla y i t a s rebelliousl y a s sh e could . Th e breathtakin g enjambment betwee n th e penultimat e an d las t lines , "running / leap," togethe r wit h th e softnes s o f th e final feminin e rhym e o n languor (nega), seem s trul y t o conve y th e extrem e dram a o f a lea p into nonbein g fro m th e heigh t o f rapture , a s i f th e othe r sid e o f death reall y were postorgasmic languor . In strivin g fo r th e romanti c apoge e o f love-death , th e poe t wa s subconsciously rejectin g th e mundane , spirituall y ungratifyin g fi-

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nale tha t sh e ha d onc e feare d sh e wa s fate d fo r becaus e o f th e "unmiraculous" qualit y o f he r lif e i n Russia n poetry . Sh e was als o aspiring t o tragi c heroinism , choosin g th e role , whic h Tsvetaev a had onc e predicte d fo r her , o f th e self-wille d Shakespearea n hero ine wh o coul d no t b e saved , n o matte r wha t last-minut e exertion s were mad e ove r he r grave . Finally , th e poe m suggeste d strongl y that Parnok' s rus h int o deat h wa s a n ac t o f wil l an d a victory ove r both he r previous failure s t o di e an d th e "spiritua l dishabille " tha t had resulted , a s sh e ha d ofte n thought , fro m no t dying , merel y passing the time . The remainin g thre e Marc h poem s ha d n o specifi c dates . "O h my love ! M y madca p demon! " agai n expressed , bot h self-ironi cally, an d wit h a touc h o f th e grotesque , th e speaker' s hunge r fo r her beloved : Oh my love! My madcap demon! You're so bony that while eating, a cannibal in search of meat would very likely break his teeth. But I'm above that sort of crudeness (and besides, I'm somewhat toothless), I won't tear you all to bits, since I'll eat you with my lips! (#241) In th e nex t poem , a musica l tou r d e forc e constructe d o n th e sound o f th e fou r ye vowel s i n Vedeneyeva's name , Parno k in scribed he r beloved' s sonorit y (an d he r ow n obsessio n wit h it ) int o Russian poetry . Al l o f th e rhyme s i n th e poe m ar e o n th e vowe l ye, excep t on e masculin e rhym e i n th e las t stanza . Th e other , predominantly feminine , rhyme s ar e almos t al l mad e o n syllable s that constitut e inflecte d form s o f th e feminin e pronou n ona (she) , e.g. eyo, yey, yeyu. (Unfortunately , non e o f thi s musi c ca n b e conveyed i n th e soun d o f a n Englis h translation , sinc e Englis h lacks inflections. ) You outsiders see more plainly— what am I to do with her,

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she, who makes me feel on fire, she, who ices my desire, with my . . . yeyeyeyeva? Yeyeyeye, yeyeyeye— how that y^-quartet can hum! Each and every ye I treasure, each one dizzies me with pleasure, not mere life, Elysium! Music haunts me when I'm sleeping: "Yeyeyeye" moans a line. Water-maiden! Loreleya! Oh how sweetly I am ailing from the greenness of your eyes! (#242) The las t Marc h poe m conveye d a drasticall y differen t moo d a s the poeti c speake r fel l fro m exuberanc e int o regre t ove r he r be loved's "blin d stubbornness. " Sh e implie d tha t thi s stubbornnes s was deliberate , an d exacerbate d b y he r lover' s secre t fea r tha t i f she gav e in , th e lovemakin g woul d b e to o good . Thus , a t th e en d of lin e 2 , Parnok deliberatel y lef t th e adver b "unbearably " withou t the adjective i t modifies, which emphasize s the indescribableness o f the togetherness th e addresse e keep s resisting : It seems to me together we'd have been so tender, so intense, so unbearably . . . Isn't that why, in blind stubbornness, you pass by me unresponsively? (#243 ) But th e poe t kne w ho w t o pla y he r recalcitran t lover' s game . "Fine, hav e i t you r way, " sh e seeme d t o conced e i n th e secon d stanza, an d the n wen t o n t o indulg e i n som e emotiona l blackmai l of he r own : So much the better! Let darkness gape, and night more bottomlessly yawn— or else, I wouldn't be able to die: I would drink life from you r palms! (#243) She proceede d t o fantasiz e rhapsodicall y abou t th e musi c the y might hav e made ,

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What dreams we would have dreamed awake, what music would have rocked and lulled us— like a tiny boat at its mooringplace . . . Here, sh e brok e off , an d switchin g t o nonmetaphoric , clippe d speech, resume d a posture o f indifference : But enough. Pass by. I won't call out. (#243 ) It woul d b e har d t o find a mor e perfec t coordinatio n o f th e rhythms o f lyrica l an d actua l lovepla y tha n ar e achieve d i n thi s poem. Parnok's strateg y o f indifferenc e t o gettin g wha t sh e mos t wanted apparentl y ha d th e desire d effect . Accordin g t o th e poe m "Ere St . Rodyon-Icebreaker's " (#245) , o n o r abou t Apri l 8 , thir teen day s befor e th e saint' s da y whe n th e ic e o n Russia n rivers was suppose d t o break , th e ic e o n th e poet' s "river " gav e sign s of cracking : Ere St. Rodyon-Icebreaker's, thirteen days ahead of time, tremors shook the river's bosom, fissures cleave d the stubborn ice. I'd not ventured to the river, but I caught a certain signal and was absolutely sure, she was just about to stir: water was already streaming, coursing warmly through the ice, and beneath the cramped streams a mermaid leaned her shapely thighs: nature was awake and restless, and her wine went to one's head— something's on the verge of coming that will simply knock 'em dead! (#245) After th e consummation o f he r lov e affair, th e poet brok e out i n ghazals t o he r "utterl y beloved " (#244) . Parno k combine d a n archaic, homoeroticall y encode d poeti c for m wit h contemporar y

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urban realia (th e streetca r tha t ra n dow n Nikitsk y Boulevar d out side he r window ) an d colloquia l languag e i n orde r t o conve y th e actuality an d timelessnes s o f he r love. 10 I see: you're getting off th e streetcar—utterly beloved , a breeze, and in my heart it breathes you're—utterly beloved , I can't tear my eyes from yo u because you're—utterly beloved ! And however did you come to be so—utterly beloved? You, she-eagle from Caucasia n glaciers, where in heat it's cold. You, carrier of a very sweet contagion, who never has a cold. You, beclouder of your lover's reason with logic clear and cold. All five senses reel from you r intoxication—utterly beloved ! (#244) Vedeneyeva apparentl y ha d a summer cottag e i n Kashin, a tow n not fa r fro m Moscow . Sh e was able to get away for a long weeken d there a t th e en d o f Apri l an d invite d Parno k an d Tsuberbille r t o join her. Upon returnin g to Moscow, Parno k wen t to Vedeneyeva' s apartment t o retur n sixt y rouble s tha t sh e an d Olg a Nikolaevn a had borrowed . No t finding Nin a a t home , Parno k lef t th e mone y and a note . The first paragrap h o f th e not e wa s writte n i n th e first person plura l an d explaine d tha t sh e was returnin g "wha t w e ow e you" an d aske d fo r suggestion s o n ho w t o compensat e Vedeney eva's housekeeper fo r th e time and effor t sh e spent "i n ou r behalf. " In th e las t paragrap h o f he r thank-yo u note , Parno k shifte d t o the first perso n singula r an d trie d t o convey—i n th e Aesopia n language she detested, bu t which wa s demanded i n order t o protec t Vedeneyeva—what th e visi t t o Kashi n ha d mean t t o her . A s be came eviden t i n som e o f th e late r Vedeneyev a lyrics , i n whic h Kashin i s remembere d a s a n earthl y paradis e an d garde n o f Eden , she an d Nin a evidentl y ha d th e opportunit y an d th e privac y ther e to b e intimate . I t wa s thi s preciou s intimac y tha t Parno k di d no t want t o giv e bac k onc e sh e wa s agai n i n Moscow , an d tha t wa s why, sh e wrote , tha t beside s compensatio n du e th e housekeeper , she wa s "als o no t returnin g th e blu e cup—le t i t sta y wit h m e a little whil e longer : it' s th e onl y realit y tha t ca n convinc e m e tha t my trip was no t a dream, an d tha t I really was in Kashin. " n

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After Kashin , Parno k fel t hersel f t o b e a t he r lover' s feet , bot h metaphorically an d literall y (i n a late r lette r t o Vedeneyev a sh e recalled th e tim e i n Kashi n whe n sh e actuall y foun d hersel f "i n that position") : Exhausted, weary unto death, but all—fire, but all—poetry — and she's at your feet, here she is, the elements' shaggy fosterling ! You coddle her the way a dove does, you pull and tug at her forelock , and it seems to you: you love as you have never loved before. How long and fixed i s your stare! But you should not believe your eyes. Remember: no zoologist's aware what species beasts like her comprise. (#246) Clearly, th e poe t ha d foun d a specia l kin d o f emotiona l hom e i n Vedeneyeva. Th e pictur e thi s poe m give s o f th e orpha n poet' s beloved coddlin g an d groomin g her "shagg y fosterling " constitute s the onl y imag e i n Parnok' s poetr y o f he r poeti c speake r bein g maternally nurture d b y a lover . Ye t "Exhausted , wear y unt o death" expresse d a frightenin g degre e o f self-iron y i n th e speaker , which cam e fro m he r dispassionat e perceptio n o f he r ow n strange ness to he r beloved , wh o wa s havin g her firs t experienc e o f lesbia n love. Parno k understoo d to o wel l tha t Vedeneyev a wa s a s amaze d at "lovin g a s sh e had neve r love d before " a s she was astonishe d a t the "unknow n species " of th e "beast " sh e loved . Vedeneyeva evidentl y calle d Parnok he r "lioness " or "lio n cub, " perhaps becaus e o f th e poet' s astrologica l sign , o r becaus e o f he r "mane" o f chestnut-aubur n hair . Th e poe m "Exhausted , wear y unto death " emphasize d th e differenc e an d fundamenta l alienatio n (unclassifiability) tha t Vedeneyev a perceive d i n he r lioness . Th e ardent, creative , hopelessl y middle-aged , woman-lovin g poe t ha d no plac e in human scienc e because sh e was wil d an d elemental . From thi s inescapabl e fact—tha t ther e coul d b e n o permanen t

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place fo r Parno k i n Vedeneyeva' s cautiou s an d prope r life — evolved th e whol e traged y o f th e poet' s las t lov e affair . I n Ma y Vedeneyeva's brothe r cam e t o Moscow , an d sh e took hi m t o mee t Parnok. Nin a Yevgenyevn a wante d t o includ e he r love r i n he r family circle , bu t only , o f course , i n th e "wil d beast's " civilize d disguise of "friend. " The questio n o f wher e Parno k an d Tsuberbille r woul d spen d the summe r tha t yea r wa s obviousl y complicated . Parno k wante d to b e as close to Vedeneyeva a s possible, but sh e also felt sh e owe d Olga Nikolaevn a som e tim e together . Sh e trie d t o coordinat e he r and Olga' s plan s wit h th e plan s Nin a ha d t o visi t he r brothe r i n Dniepropetrovsk a t th e en d o f th e summer . A t th e beginnin g o f May, Olg a wen t t o Sokolov a Pusty n o n th e Ok a River , no t fa r from th e town o f Kashir a (an d Kashin) i n order to look a t a cottag e she an d Parno k wer e intereste d i n renting . Sh e took Gornun g wit h her o n thi s intelligence-gatherin g foray . Th e cottag e turne d ou t to b e ideall y locate d o n th e hig h ban k o f th e rive r nea r a hug e pine forest . At th e en d o f th e month , Parno k too k Gornun g partiall y int o her poeti c confidenc e an d rea d hi m a few o f he r recen t poems . Sh e told hi m tha t sh e ha d poem s o n intimat e theme s tha t sh e di d no t always writ e down , an d recite d on e o f them . I t i s possibl e tha t some o f he r poem s t o he r las t lov e die d wit h he r becaus e o f th e self-censorship sh e practiced fo r he r lover' s sake . It bega n t o see m t o he r tha t th e caus e o f al l he r suffering s wa s her "untimely " sexua l desir e fo r th e woma n sh e loved . Th e rea l problem, o f course , wa s th e homophobi a o f th e surroundin g soci ety. Parnok' s ow n internalize d homophobi a ha d expresse d itsel f earlier i n he r lif e i n he r vie w o f passio n a s the enemy , an d sh e ha d dealt wit h th e "problem " the n b y refusin g t o cal l sexua l passio n alone a n expressio n o f rea l love . Sh e too k refug e i n compartmen talization: thi s wa s sex , an d tha t wa s love , an d sh e shoul d no t blaspheme th e latter b y giving its sacred nam e t o th e former . Like an y grea t love , Parnok' s an d Vedeneyeva' s coul d no t b e

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compartmentalized an d force d bot h wome n t o accep t al l thei r feelings an d tak e responsibilit y fo r them . Fro m th e momen t the y became lovers, Parnok bega n her struggle to shoulder her "passion ate burden " an d t o accep t tha t he r passion , fo r al l th e sufferin g i t brought, wa s a s viabl e a par t o f he r lov e a s he r compassion . Initially, however, he r desir e seeme d t o he r a n evi l that sh e wante d to ru n awa y from . The two poems sh e wrote in June revealed ho w intensel y ambiv alent sh e fel t abou t he r lov e an d ho w sh e wante d t o resolv e th e ambivalence b y fleeing th e enemy . Th e poem s testifie d lyricall y t o the "continua l ebbs , armistices , an d flows" tha t characterize d he r last lov e affair. 12 Durin g a flow perio d i n June, Parno k wrot e on e of he r mos t enrapture d lyrics : Through al l that I do, that I think, or remember, through all of the voices inside me and out, like a moment of stillness more vast than all noises, an overtone, aftertaste, ra y in the dark— like wind which is moved by the stars' exhalation— that's just how it was you burst into my life— oh darling, my joy! Oh my inspiration! Oh bitterly-bitter misfortune o f mine! (#247) Later tha t month , th e bitternes s an d pai n o f th e poet' s unsatis fiable passio n foun d expressio n i n a metapho r o f lov e a s a cance r that wa s metastasizin g rapidly : How can I root out this awful tumor , so it won't grow into my soul, my thoughts, my blood! How rid my heart of, cauteriz e with weeping my illness, a creeping cancer—love! Run, run, run with my eyes screwed shut! Where? God knows where, but just away from this fiery subterranean stor m that at midnight, night lets off it s chain! (#248) Parnok an d Tsuberbille r ma y hav e spen t par t o f th e summe r i n Kashira a s they had planned . A t the beginning of August, however ,

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they wer e i n Kashi n fo r a wee k o r more . There , Parno k wrot e another self-ironi c poe m i n whic h sh e chide d hersel f fo r he r fool ishness in fallin g impossibl y i n love at her advance d age : To My Self When we're on the far side of forty , it's late to be playing with Muses, late to moon over music, gulp down enflaming intoxicants , take it easy—that's what we oughta do, oughta fuss over our grandsons, put our affairs i n order, when we're on the far side of forty . When we're on the far side of forty , it's pointless being precipitate; scribbling love letters? no point in it, pointless to roam the house nightly, cursing out dastardly passion, pointless believing in fantasies, living in seventh heaven, when we're on the far side of forty . When we're on the far side of forty , when we're on the far side of forty , we're just the step-kids of Venus, whether New Yorkers or Moscovites, we're sent off t o live in the boonies . . . That's how it is, granny Sophie— that's what they call philo-Sophy, 13 when we're on the far side of forty! (#249 ) "Roaming th e house " on e sleeples s Augus t night , possibl y i n a real feve r a s well a s a lyrical one , Parnok wrot e ho w i t felt t o b e in the gri p o f "dastardl y passion. " Sh e saw hersel f a s " a hous e wher e a corps e i s lai d out, " standin g i n th e middl e o f a fores t fir e o f "burning jungles " (#251) . Sh e ha d bee n i n man y suc h conflagra tions o f desir e i n he r life , bu t no w sh e wa s n o longe r afrai d t o

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scream ou t he r pain : he r sou l "shoute d ou t loud " an d he r jungl e beast "howle d a howl," her heart was "o n fire" wit h yearning : Oh, on this night, the last one on earth, I want to press my parched mouth, athirst, to you, my grey-haired, my fateful passion , before the heat has cooled into ashes. (#251) With characteristi c intensit y Parno k wante d t o drin k al l o f he r lover, jus t a s earlie r sh e had wante d t o ea t al l o f he r wit h he r lips . The enormit y o f he r desir e convince d he r tha t Vedeneyeva , lik e a virulent virus , had overru n he r body : Don't ask what's laid the poet low and why she acts so dreamy: she's simply been, from hea d to toe, vedeneyevized completely! (#250) 14 On o r abou t Augus t 1 0 Parno k sai d good-by e t o Kashi n "be grudgingly" 15 and wen t of f wit h Olg a Nikolaevn a o n a river cruis e they ha d planne d alon g th e Volg a t o Perm . Vedeneyev a returne d to Mosco w i n preparatio n fo r he r tri p t o th e Caucasus . Sh e ha d evidently aske d Parno k t o joi n he r a t he r brother' s i n Dneprope trovsk, bu t th e poe t ha d refused . Sh e trie d t o explai n wh y i n a letter t o he r reproachfu l "Wilhelmina " (on e o f he r pe t name s fo r Nina): 1 6 "Kno w alway s that what is yours an d gives you happines s is dea r t o me . An d i f a t thos e moment s whe n yo u ar e wit h you r family, I neithe r can , no r wan t t o emerg e fro m th e shadows , tha t certainly doesn' t mea n I' m selfis h an d egotistical . In a word , de spite al l my overboilings , i n th e dept h o f m y bein g I a m transpar ent, an d I am your intimat e friend , Wilhelmina." 17 Parnok an d Tsuberbiller' s tri p go t of f t o a miserabl e start . Du e to a lac k o f rai n tha t summer , th e Volg a ha d becom e to o shallo w for larg e steamships , an d th e wome n wer e force d t o disembar k a t Rybinsk. From th e landing there, Parnok wrot e to Vedeneyeva tha t they were hoping to take a small steame r t o Nizhny Novgoro d an d transfer t o a "rea l one " there . Sh e added , "W e manage d t o find a

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room i n a hote l tha t doesn' t hav e bedbugs . S o fa r that' s th e onl y good thin g tha t ha s happened . Bu t despit e th e annoyances , I' m enjoying th e broad rive r an d th e good air." 18 The lover s bot h suffere d fro m thei r separation . Vedeneyev a ap parently wrot e ever y othe r day , bu t du e t o Parnok' s movin g fro m place t o plac e an d t o th e inefficienc y o f th e posta l service , severa l of he r letter s neve r reache d Parnok . Afte r twelv e day s o f anxiou s waiting, th e poe t finally go t tw o letter s i n Per m wher e sh e an d Olga Nikolaevn a arrive d o n Augus t 21 , the sam e da y tha t Nin a Yevgenyevna an d he r so n wer e suppose d t o arriv e i n Dneprope trovsk. Because the twenty-first wa s a Sunday, the post offic e wa s close d and Parno k ha d t o wai t anothe r da y fo r th e first new s fro m he r lover sinc e leaving Kashin. O n tha t Sunday , hot, dusty , haze-envel oped Per m mus t hav e seeme d unbearable . Feelin g lonely , lovesick , and abandoned , Parno k wa s suddenl y overwhelme d wit h sadnes s and wrot e on e o f he r mos t poignant , prosaic , an d melanchol y lyrics: Pd beg from deat h a year or two, but it's too little time to breathe in all of you. And if I lived to be a hundred, my misfortune, I couldn't finish looking, I couldn't kiss my fill. So I look and melt away, my love, clearly, you're too good-looking to look at enough! (#252) Evidently wishin g t o shiel d th e optimisti c Nin a fro m he r dar k thoughts, Parnok di d no t sho w he r thi s poem . Nina Yevgenyevn a wa s als o sufferin g feeling s o f abandonment . When sh e go t bac k t o Mosco w fro m Kashin , sh e too ha d n o mail . To kee p i n spiritua l touc h sh e woul d rea d Parnok' s poems , bu t

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they di d no t alway s mak e he r fee l secure . Sh e bega n t o wonde r i f her continuall y tormente d love r di d no t reall y thin k he r "unkind, " as th e poe m "Well , you'r e no t kind , an d no t malicious " seem s t o say i f on e read s i t literally , despit e it s declaratio n o f love . She als o felt oppresse d b y he r apparen t inabilit y t o satisf y he r lioness . An d she bega n t o wonde r i f th e woma n sh e love d woul d no t find a "new deity " t o adore . Judgin g fro m wha t Parno k wrot e i n he r letter o f Augus t 2 2 fro m Perm , Vedeneyev a mus t hav e voice d he r insecurities i n some of he r letters : There are things one is not gratefu l for , bu t it is precisely gratitud e that I feel whe n I reread you r letter s agai n an d again . They ar e so affectionate an d so "you"! So you wonder whether I know that you are "not unkind." If I didn't know that, none of what has happened would hav e happened . O n th e whole , I think tha t yo u an d I both understand eac h other , onl y w e hav e t o b e togethe r a littl e mor e often. I don't lik e separation , especiall y whe n i t precedes meeting s that ar e too short , an d then , mor e an d more , even if brief, separations. D o yo u remembe r Tyutchev' s lines ? "—Wh o ca n murmu r goodbye over / the chasm o f tw o or three days?" Yes, Wilhelmina, I'm somehow superstitiously greed y for you, and you should not be angry a t m e for that , or fee l burdened b y it. You would lik e to see me calmer ? Don' t wan t that . I'l l hav e plent y o f tim e t o b e calm ! Now, when I know that you're well, that you're thinking of me, and how yo u thin k o f me , al l i s right with th e world . Eve n Perm , th e worst cit y I know, ha s become totall y dear . The trip hom e will be relaxing and happy fo r me . I know what awaits me, and every day makes sense now.19 Resorting t o th e code d lyrica l language o f he r ow n poem , "Slowly , slowly evening " (#171) , t o whic h Vedeneyev a ha d apparentl y made reference, Parno k reassure d he r of her devotion : "N o horne d precursors hav e falle n acros s m y path , no r shal l they , an d I won' t be genuflectin g befor e anyone . Indeed , I a m incapabl e o f doin g s o because I haven't rise n fro m my knees sinc e the momen t i n Kashi n when I found mysel f i n that position." 20 Vedeneyeva's insecuritie s mus t hav e touche d a ra w nerv e i n

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Parnok sinc e sh e returned t o the m a t the en d o f he r letter . Sh e als o felt insecur e a t time s abou t Vedeneyeva' s commitmen t t o he r an d felt jealou s o f othe r peopl e i n Vedeneyeva' s life , bu t thei r mutua l vulnerability t o suc h doubt s an d misunderstanding s seeme d un avoidable i n view o f th e intensity o f thei r love : I don't kno w ho w you fee l abou t a poet's word, bu t you evidentl y consider i t les s seriou s tha n a person' s i f yo u expec t al l sort s o f infidelities fro m me . Understand, then, my human being's word and my leonine word , an d believ e it utterly . O r ar e yo u alread y losin g interest in having to do with lion cubs? I know [ver y well] . . . what kind of woman you are and I know that yo u ar e beautiful , bu t I' m dow n sic k wit h a ba d cas e o f yo u and that' s wh y I can' t alway s b e pleasan t an d comprehensibl e t o you, just a s you can' t alway s be to me, because you are sometimes the source of great pain to me as I am to you. But everything is good between u s and everythin g wil l be good becaus e we have the most important thing. Give my regards t o you r Zhenya , an d remembe r wha t I said t o you about him. If it isn't silly, give my regards to your brother too. I love you tenderly, kis s you tenderly an d can't wait to see you. Your S. 21 Shallow wate r ha d plague d Parno k an d Tsuberbiller' s tri p fro m the beginning . Wha t the y ha d foresee n a s a peaceful journe y dow n the rive r ha d turne d int o a n adventur e a s ship s unexpectedl y ra n aground o n sandbars . I t turne d ou t t o b e impossibl e t o retur n t o Moscow vi a th e Ok a an d Mosco w river s a s the y ha d planned . Instead, the y disembarke d a t Nizhn y Novgorod , and , lackin g tim e for anothe r risk y boat trip , took th e train bac k t o Moscow . They arrive d hom e o n Augus t 28 , which gav e Olg a Nikolaevn a a littl e tim e t o rela x befor e classes . Parno k worrie d tha t Oly a ha d not ha d a goo d enoug h rest , especiall y durin g th e firs t par t o f th e trip. She obviously als o felt a little guilty about no t having been th e best compan y fo r he r friend . Althoug h sh e ha d trie d har d no t t o complain an d ha d kep t quie t abou t he r troubles, she knew tha t sh e had no t bee n her usua l ebullien t self .

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No soone r ha d Parno k gotte n bac k t o Mosco w tha n sh e sud denly fel t sh e could no t endure waiting to see her Wilhelmina unti l her retur n late r i n September. Actin g o n wild impulse , sh e up and went t o Dniepropetrovsk. Fro m th e station ther e on August 3 1 sh e sent the following telegra m announcin g her unexpected arrival : GUILTY! GREETINGS FRO M DNIEPROPETROVS K FRO M A CANNIBA L AN D BARBARIAN FO R WHOM N O NAME EXISTS EVEN I N DAHL. 2 2

Vedeneyeva's respons e t o her wild woman' s surpris e visi t is not known, no r i s there an y information abou t thei r relation s durin g September. A t the end of the month, however , a lyrical cry of pai n issued fro m Parno k i n the poem, "There' s n o way back fo r me!" (#253). Feelin g trappe d an d hopeless, th e poetic speake r picture d her love affair a s a chessboard tha t she did not control.23 Restricte d in her movements b y a lover who , sh e felt, wa s giving onl y hal f of herself, unabl e t o advanc e o r retreat , sh e foresa w n o chanc e fo r victory an d almos t certai n defea t t o a n implie d an d unname d opponent. Thi s i s th e onl y poe m i n th e Vedeneyev a cycle s fo r which th e autobiographica l stimulu s remain s opaque . In th e unidentified opponen t Parno k migh t hav e bee n alludin g t o a riva l for Vedeneyeva' s affections, 24 perhap s someon e sh e ha d me t i n Dniepropetrovsk, bu t the opponent coul d equall y wel l hav e repre sented th e poet's encroachin g death , o r the negative animu s o f her resentment ove r neve r gettin g enoug h o f her beloved, o r the whole complex o f peopl e an d circumstance s tha t ha d bee n agains t he r from th e beginnin g an d whos e claim s o n Vedeneyeva' s tim e an d emotions too k u p half Nin a Yevgenyevna' s self . The speaker ende d her cry of pain wit h a plea: Oh, my ungenerous darling, cut me in two parts like you, so I could halve my feelings, so I'd be half believing, so at half-voice I could scream, so I could be—not me. (#253)

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By October , however , th e mysteriou s rival , whoeve r s/h e was , seems t o hav e retreated . Parno k an d Vedeneyev a wer e i n on e o f their flow phases , a flow phase s o reminiscent o f the previous Apri l after the y ha d becom e lover s tha t Parno k chos e ghazal s agai n t o celebrate it . In this set , the word ghazal s itsel f wa s th e monorhym e word require d b y the form (th e grammatical cas e it occurs in varies from lin e to line) . The poem suggeste d tha t ghazal s had entere d th e lovers' privat e languag e an d ha d acquire d a n intimat e meaning , impossible t o expres s i n one word, bu t resonatin g fro m it : Straight between your lips I whisper to you—ghazals, With my breath I want to pour you full of—ghazals . Ah, how consonant with my obsession—ghazals. You, be careful, don't you dare stop loving—ghazals. In midwinter spring is blossoming—in ghazals, From his sleep a dead man is waked up—by ghazals, When old hops ferment an d raise some hell—it's ghazals, And I celebrate you, my gazelle—with ghazals! (#254) Despite thi s euphoria , o n Novembe r 2 Parnok wrot e on e o f he r harshest, bitteres t lyrics , a poem that , fo r obviou s reasons , sh e di d not includ e i n th e cop y o f "Useles s Goods " sh e gav e t o he r lover . The poe m ha d littl e t o d o wit h Vedeneyev a pe r se , othe r tha n perhaps t o express a murderous moo d tha t might have been cause d in par t b y anothe r eb b i n thei r relationship . (Parnok' s othe r No vember poem s suggeste d tha t thing s wer e goo d betwee n the m a t this time, however. ) With no if's, and's, or but's whatever, accept your lot right till the end, and have the self-possession neve r to interrupt smug, lying men. And for your part, to play at something: at war, at love, but do it right, as long as you still have desire, as long as you still have some bite. As long as this same gambling fever, mad and mischievous, rules the world,

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and death has not mixed up forever all the luckless cards you hold. No, damn it! I've had it up to here with the game—too much of a good thing. I've rubbed the corns hard in my heart and trashed my spirit, littering— that's what life—a stubbor n game—ha s left me to remember her by, but I will outstubborn her , the demoness! It's time! (#256) The poet' s lyrica l relationshi p wit h he r powerfu l dominatrix , Life, date d bac k t o 190 5 an d th e earlies t perio d o f he r creativity . Now, afte r twenty-seve n years , th e struggl e ha d becom e to o muc h for her . A s a youn g woman , sh e ha d foun d th e gam e wit h Lif e appealing becaus e sh e understoo d th e rule s an d ha d th e spiri t t o play i t well . Now , a s a n "ol d woman " o f forty-seven , sh e ha d simply reache d th e satiatio n poin t an d n o longe r wante d t o play . But sh e kne w i t woul d no t b e eas y t o ge t ou t o f th e game . Sh e would hav e t o marsha l al l he r wil l t o outstubbor n Lif e jus t a s sh e had onc e succeede d i n outstubbornin g th e salin e soi l o f Suda k in orde r t o mak e he r life-sustainin g kitche n garde n grow . Wit h hindsight, th e poe m "Wit h n o if's , and's , o r but' s whatever " sug gests tha t slightl y les s tha n a yea r befor e sh e died , Parno k ha d decided tha t sh e lacked th e "self-possessio n t o accept [her ] lot unti l the bitte r end, " an d i n effect , wante d t o die . N o wonde r sh e di d not want Vedeneyev a t o rea d thi s poem . For her love r i n November sh e wrote somethin g els e entirely, a n anniversary poem an d enraptured celebratio n o f their Kashin Eden . Echoing th e first word s (i n th e Russia n translation ) o f Do n Gio vanni's famou s due t wit h Zerlina , "Giv e m e you r hand , Zerlina , let's go to ou r littl e house," 2 5 sh e began : Give me your hand and let's go to our sinful paradise! . . . Defying all State Pension Plans of heaven, May returned for us in wintertime,26 and flowers blossomed in the greening meadow,

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where in full bloo m an apple tree inclined its fragrant fan s above the two of us, and where the earth smelled sweet like you, and butterflies mad e love in flight. . . We're one year older now, but what's the difference — old wine has also aged another year, the fruits o f ripe knowledge are far more succulent. Hello, my love! My grey-haired Eve! (#255) In mid-Novembe r th e poe t wa s a s muc h i n lov e a s eve r an d enduring sleeples s night s becaus e o f he r "Silver-Gre y Rose" : Night. And it's snowing, Moscow sleeps . . . But I . . . Oh but I feel sleepless, my love! Oh, the night's so stifling, my blood wants to sing . . . Listen, listen, listen! My love: in your petals glisten silver streaks of frost . You're the one my song's for , my silver rose. Oh rose of December, you shine under snow, giving me sweet comfor t that can't console. (#257) After sh e ha d falle n i n lov e wit h Vedeneyeva , Parnok' s creativ e life becam e s o intens e an d single-minde d tha t i t seeme d t o bloc k out he r mundan e existenc e o r association s wit h peopl e outsid e he r immediate famil y circle . Th e sens e o f no t havin g a lif e apar t fro m her lyric s an d he r lov e wa s enhance d when , wit h th e hel p o f Vedeneyeva an d Tsuberbiller , sh e wa s abl e t o sto p workin g a s a translator . She continue d t o hav e visitor s an d kee p u p wit h literar y event s and gossip . Gornun g cam e ove r regularl y an d becam e th e chie f "outside" audienc e fo r he r poems . O n Decembe r 22 , she read hi m

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one o f he r ne w work s an d promise d t o writ e a fe w other s int o hi s album. Sh e kep t i n touc h wit h he r siste r a s before , an d confesse d her lov e trouble s t o Ranevskay a an d Zvyagintsev a wh o wer e he r main confidante s durin g he r affai r wit h Nin a Yevgenyevna . B y late August Valy a ha d returne d t o the Soviet Union, this time for good , and wa s livin g i n Nov y Afon . Whethe r o r no t Parno k corres ponded wit h hi m i s unknown . Grave's diseas e ha d increasingl y affecte d he r heart . B y earl y winter Parno k ha d visibl y deteriorated , an d classi c symptom s o f heart malfunctio n showe d i n he r appearance . Th e las t photograp h Gornung too k o f he r reveal s a bod y swolle n wit h edema . He r fac e wears a poignan t half-smil e an d look s grandmotherl y an d ailing ; one would easil y giv e her te n mor e tha n he r forty-seve n years . At th e en d o f thi s exhaustin g year , th e las t complet e on e i n he r life, th e poe t wa s agai n carrie d awa y o n a wav e o f rapturou s nostalgia fo r he r youn g Passio n an d he r belove d Nina : It still hasn't got any cares, it's still young at heart, it still hasn't cut its first teeth, our Passion— not vodka, not spirits, yet no longer water, it's mischievous, bubbly, melodious Asti. You still don't know how to pale when I come up to you, your pupil still doesn't become fully widened , I know, though, you think that the magic I do exceeds what I did in Kashira or affectionate Kashin . Oh where is that tiny, forsaken, an d gardenfilled tow n (perhaps on the map they don't bother to site it?) where my daydream is running as fast as it can in some kind of sixteen-year-old excitement ? Where's the cottage with jasmine and the welcoming night, and curlicue arches of hop-plants above us, and thirst which could no longer be satisfied, and sky, and a sky more impassioned than Petrarch's. At the end of my last or my next-to-last spring— oh how belated it was, our meeting!— together the two of us dreamed crazy dreams, I burned up my night in a savage, a beautiful fire! (#258)

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Things change d rapidl y i n th e spac e o f a month . Fro m th e hig h of thi s poem , writte n o n Decembe r 26 , Parno k plummete d int o beastlike miser y b y th e en d o f January. Sh e wrote ou t som e o f he r anguish i n th e first o f severa l heartbreakin g lyrica l farewell s t o he r lover, who m sh e addresse d a s he r Grey-Haire d Mus e an d he r Music of Musics. These lofty epithet s punctuated th e almost coars e expression o f he r physical condition : and my heart is like a doorbell, and someone gave the bell a tug. Vibrate, empty jingle-j angler, ring the alarm, jingle-jang . . . Time for the scrap heap! And I'm leaving this life, alive, without a pang. The poet' s mos t frightenin g sympto m emerge d a t th e en d o f th e poem, however . Sh e ha d alread y experience d th e indifferenc e t o life an d inabilit y t o fee l stron g emotions , positiv e o r negative , tha t characterize th e last stage s o f exhaustio n an d morta l illness : I can't bend over your pillow now, I cannot hear your breathing, and sin to say it, neither with love nor with hatred can I love! (#259) Ten day s late r sh e rallie d an d wa s engage d enoug h i n lif e agai n to remembe r on e o f he r an d Nina' s mos t intimat e an d lovel y moments i n Kashin . Th e memor y o f lov e share d move d he r t o write he r second , this time impassioned, farewell : Remember the narrowish corrido r through the black currant bushes? Since then you've been my daydream's music, a marvelous motherland . You became both life and death for me— so very delicate— and you evaporated, enervated, my beloved! . . . Forgive that I, a guest uninvited,

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don't bring you happiness, I too am falling beneath this burden, this burden passionate. Oh but this grief is unassuageable! There is no name for it. . . Forgive me for loving you, beloved, farewell, forgive me! (#260) This wa s th e las t poe m Parno k wrot e fo r si x months . Durin g most o f th e interi m sh e wa s confine d t o bed . Vedeneyev a visite d her ever y day . Gornun g recalle d comin g on e da y an d finding Par nok lyin g o n th e sof a wit h Nin a Yevgenyevn a sittin g o n it s edge , leaning ove r t o catc h Parnok' s word s a s they converse d quietly. 27 By May Parno k wa s wel l enoug h t o hav e mor e genera l visitors . One evenin g Voloshin' s wido w (Voloshi n ha d die d th e previou s August) cam e an d rea d he r husband' s diarie s t o th e assemble d company. In th e middl e o f Jun e Parno k an d Vedeneyev a ha d anothe r tif f that lef t th e poe t i n a bitte r mood . Sh e expresse d i t i n fou r line s that sh e later appende d t o "Silver-Gre y Rose " despite th e fac t tha t they were in an utterl y differen t ke y from th e rest of tha t poem : Well then, die, die now, my soul, my scourge, my beast. With you I went to the very edge, with you I roamed in paradise. By th e en d o f th e mont h th e wome n ha d mad e up , an d Parno k reported t o Ranevskay a tha t the y wer e i n anothe r "armistic e phase." 2 8 When Gornun g phone d Parno k o n Sunda y evening , June 25 , he sensed fro m he r voic e that sh e was i n a bad way . Sh e asked hi m t o come visi t th e nex t da y sinc e sh e woul d soo n b e leavin g fo r th e summer an d di d no t kno w i f the y woul d se e eac h othe r again . Gornung interprete d thi s a s meanin g tha t the y migh t no t se e eac h other agai n ever , an d exclaime d i n hi s journal, "It' s sad ! Ca n i t b e that sh e won't surviv e the summer?" 29

"HELLO, M Y LOVE ! M Y GREY-HAIRE D EVE! " 30

1

He arrive d th e nex t evenin g t o find hi s friends ' roo m filled with basket s o f flowers. Thre e day s previousl y ther e ha d bee n a celebration a t Moscow Stat e University honorin g Olg a Nikolaevn a for thirt y year s o f servic e t o th e academi c an d teachin g profession . Her student s ha d brough t al l th e flowers t o he r roo m afte r th e ceremony. Wishin g t o contro l hi s wors t fears , Gornun g merel y noted th e fact s o f Parnok' s conditio n i n hi s note s whe n h e go t home: "Sophi a Yakovlevn a i s weak. She speaks softly. He r temper ature i s 3 6° C [abou t $y° F] . Sh e intend s t o g o awa y fo r th e summer t o th e Zvenigoro d area." 3 0 It was Olg a Nikolaevna' s ide a t o tak e Parno k t o Karinskoy e fo r the summer , a countr y tow n seventy-fiv e kilometer s outsid e o f Moscow. Parno k wante d ver y muc h t o go . Olg a Nikolaevn a trusted tha t th e medical facilitie s i n the town wer e adequate i n cas e of a n emergency , an d tha t the y ha d al l th e medicine s Parno k needed with them. 31 The trip to Karinskoy e was arduous . About thre e miles from th e village, the car they had hire d becam e stuc k i n a stream. The drive r threatened t o pu t the m ou t o f th e ca r an d leav e the m t o wal k th e remaining distance . Fortunately , a cavalr y detachmen t happene d along an d te n o f th e soldier s helped pul l the car ou t o f th e mud . Karinskoye wa s a villag e o f abou t fort y houses . Th e cottag e Parnok an d Tsuberbille r rente d wa s situate d no t fa r fro m th e Moscow River . Parno k refraine d fro m he r usua l summe r habi t o f long walks . Th e da y sh e arrive d sh e wa s exhauste d afte r walkin g simply fro m th e ca r t o th e house . When sh e ha d recuperate d fro m the tri p an d fel t stron g enough , sh e would visi t friends, wal k t o th e drugstore o r th e garde n o f th e nearb y collectiv e farm , or , vi a backyards an d vegetabl e gardens , strol l dow n t o th e river . Ther e she would li e in a hammock tha t had bee n strung between a willow and a birc h tre e o n th e stee p shor e abov e th e rive r an d admir e th e view o f th e valley . Whe n sh e wasn' t ou t walkin g sh e ofte n sa t o n the terrace . Immediately upo n he r arrival , sh e wrote t o Vedeneyeva i n Mos -

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cow, bu t eithe r tha t first lette r neve r reache d it s destination , a s Parnok feared—th e wome n wer e plagued b y ba d posta l servic e al l summer—or i t was late r los t or destroyed. 32 The nex t da y Parno k wrot e again , an d thi s tim e sen t he r lette r with th e local druggis t who was going to Moscow an d promised t o mail i t in the city the following morning . She assured Nin a tha t sh e and Olg a "arrive d wit h difficulty , bu t safely. " Eve r sinc e the y ha d arrived, i t had bee n pourin g rain , an d ther e was a thunderstorm i n progress a s Parnok wrote , which "mad e [her ] heart fee l eve n mor e agitated." Fortunately , sh e ha d bee n sleepin g ver y well ; he r day s passed "i n a kin d o f craze d stupor. " Sh e ha d n o ide a wha t th e future hel d a s fa r a s he r healt h wa s concerne d an d wa s "afrai d t o think." Sh e stil l hadn' t hear d fro m Nin a an d fel t "ver y empty " without her . Vedeneyeva woul d b e goin g o n vacatio n i n th e Crime a i n a fe w days. Th e distanc e separatin g he r fro m Parno k woul d the n b e much greate r an d mak e Parno k feel , sh e wrote, "stil l lonelier. " Sh e promised t o writ e severa l time s s o a s "no t t o darke n [Nina's ] vacation wit h [her ] silence. " The tension o f th e trip an d th e three day s of oppressiv e rai n ha d made Parno k fee l totall y apathetic . "Ar e yo u bore d withou t m e i n Moscow," sh e aske d Vedeneyeva , "o r ar e you r day s s o bus y wit h work tha t yo u don' t hav e tim e t o notic e tha t I' m no t there ? I love you ver y much , Nina! I comfort mysel f wit h al l sorts o f reasonabl e thoughts tha t everythin g i s good betwee n u s and wil l be still better . I'm waitin g fo r you r visi t [a t th e en d o f August] . Ou r roo m i s splendid, th e terrace too , and th e view is beautiful." 33 As i n th e previou s summer , lac k o f new s fro m Vedeneyev a became oppressive . Parnok sen t registered letter s to Kichka s on th e ninth an d elevent h o f July and, getting no response, sent a telegra m on th e thirteenth . Th e telegra m too k a wee k t o arrive , an d Nina' s return telegra m fro m Jul y 22 , togethe r wit h a postcar d sh e ha d sent the day before , di d no t reac h Parno k unti l July 27 .

"HELLO, M Y LOVE ! M Y GREY-HAIRE D EVE! " 30

3

My dear ! I wrote yo u yesterda y mornin g an d sen t th e lette r registered mail , but in view of th e exceptional wa y the post office func tions (i n Kichkas two of m y registered letter s and one telegram fel l into some inquisitive stranger's hands) I have no faith tha t the same fate won't befal l m y letter of yesterday. I have no desire to write to strangers (le t them find their ow n diversions) , but I' m a n obstinat e person an d wan t m y letter s t o reac h th e peopl e I address the m t o (even if at second hand!). Therefore, I intend to send this letter with a retur n receip t requeste d i f tha t for m o f negativ e sanctio n stil l exists fo r insurin g th e arriva l o f mail . I n you r repl y telegra m yo u write that you "hav e written frequentl y fro m Dnieprostroy. " I have received only one letter and one postcard from there. 34 Parnok di d hav e som e goo d new s t o report . Afte r bein g ver y il l in the middle of July, she had "com e bac k to life." She was sleepin g better an d feelin g steadie r o n he r feet—apparently , sh e ha d bee n continually fallin g dow n o r faintin g fro m weaknes s an d ha d begu n to fee l a s if she were "floatin g aroun d th e room. " Vedeneyeva mus t hav e mad e som e veile d allusio n t o missin g and wantin g he r love r i n her letter . At the end o f he r reply , Parno k indicated tha t sh e fel t likewise : "Rrrr ! Lion s ar e evidentl y bein g rated agai n o n th e market . I kis s yo u tenderly , an d hard , an d i n every way possible. You r Lioness." 35 On th e las t da y o f July , Parno k wrot e he r las t complet e poe m to Vedeneyeva , beginnin g i t wit h a quotatio n fro m on e o f he r beloved's letters : "Come what may," you wrote, "we shall be happy . . ." Yes, my darling, happiness has come to me in life! Now, however, mortal weariness overcomes my heart and shuts my eyes. Now, without rebelling or resisting, I hear how my heart beats its retreat. I get weaker, and the leash that tightly bound the two of us is slackening. Now the wind blows freely higher, higher, everything's in bloom and all is still—

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Till we meet again, my darling! Can't you hear me? I'm telling you good-bye, my far-off friend ! (#261 ) The poe m wa s i n a fa r mor e mino r ke y tha n Parnok' s lette r o f three day s before . Eithe r he r relativel y hig h spirit s ha d dissipate d rapidly, o r sh e ha d deliberatel y kep t th e trut h o f he r "morta l weariness" from he r "far-of f friend"—i n th e poem th e addressee' s geographical distanc e fro m th e speake r symbolize d he r mor e pro found, an d inexpressible , existentia l distanc e fro m he r dyin g lover . Parnok's las t poe m resonate d wit h literar y overtones . I t echoe d lines fro m on e o f he r ow n poems , a memoria l lyri c sh e wrot e i n 1915, "T o Karolin a Pavlova " (#17) , he r grandmothe r b y poeti c fate (#159) , i n whic h th e speake r realize d tha t th e dead , howeve r adored, stil l coul d no t see , hear , o r remembe r thei r livin g lover s and friends . "Come wha t may " als o replicate d th e rhyth m an d moo d o f a well-known lyri c by Fyodor Tyutchev , "O n th e Eve of the Anniver sary o f Augus t 4 , 1864. " Tyutche v wa s Parnok' s favorit e Russia n poet an d th e onl y poe t wh o ha d a genuin e influenc e o n he r earl y creative development . Hi s vers e ha d ofte n als o helpe d he r t o com municate importan t thought s t o Vedeneyev a an d othe r intimates . Tyutchev's poe m wa s a memorial lyri c to his dea d wife , written o n the anniversar y o f he r death , an d b y choosin g i t a s on e subtex t t o her las t good-by e t o Vedeneyeva , Parno k seeme d t o b e foreseein g her lover' s futur e anniversar y offerin g t o her . Thi s intention , o f leaving he r Dant e som e word s o f he r ow n t o remembe r he r with , was indicated b y the fact tha t Parnok' s poem cam e from an d bega n with Vedeneyeva' s word s t o her . Thus , Parnok' s las t poe m wa s both he r ow n an d he r other' s farewell . Finally, an d perhap s mos t obviousl y t o a Russia n ear , Parnok' s poem recall s th e bisexua l Serge y Yesenin' s Decembe r 192 5 good bye poem t o his friend an d lover , "Goodbye , m y friend, goodbye, " written befor e h e hun g himsel f i n th e Hote l Angleterr e i n Len ingrad. Parno k ha d bee n shake n b y Yesenin' s death , an d thi s par ticular literar y resonanc e with hi m contribute d overtone s of homo -

"HELLO, M Y LOVE ! M Y GREY-HAIRE D EVE! " 30

5

erotic love , suicide , an d th e poeti c speaker' s promis e o f a preor dained "futur e meeting " i n the afterlif e wit h he r lover/addressee . It too k abou t thre e week s fo r th e multilayere d bu t simpl y sa d truth o f Parnok' s "Com e wha t may, " t o reach Vedeneyeva . O n th e morning o f Augus t 2 0 sh e arrive d bac k i n Mosco w an d tha t ver y afternoon lef t fo r Karinskoye . In he r lette r o f Jul y 28 , Parnok ha d taken pleasur e i n imaginin g ho w he r love r woul d aligh t fro m th e train a t Karinskoy e statio n an d b e me t ther e b y a drive r wit h a horse-drawn wagon : "Yo u shoul d ge t of f th e trai n bare-headed, " she wrote, "an d th e drive r wil l b e able to spo t yo u i n the crow d b y your dea r whit e head . An d whe n yo u ge t of f th e train , as k i f ther e isn't someon e fro m Karinskoy e ther e to mee t you. " Whatever Vedeneyev a kne w o r suspecte d abou t he r lover' s con dition, she found Parno k i n much worse shap e than sh e had hoped . Throughout mos t o f Augus t th e poe t ha d bee n to o wea k t o writ e and ha d dictate d al l he r correspondenc e t o Olg a Nikolaevna . Shortly afte r Vedeneyev a arrived , Parno k bega n fallin g fro m weak ness agai n an d wa s force d t o sta y in bed . At times sh e did no t hav e the strengt h t o speak . On he r las t day , Friday , Augus t 25 , sh e wa s full y conscious . Lying i n be d i n th e woode n cottage , surrounde d b y medicin e bot tles, unfinishe d plate s o f food , crumple d bedclothes , an d "th e op pressive chao s tha t seriou s illnes s bring s i n it s wake," 3 6 sh e real ized that he r conditio n wa s hopeless . Suddenly, th e scen e of he r father' s agonizin g deat h i n Taganro g twenty year s befor e mus t hav e rise n i n he r min d an d woul d no t leave. Ho w horrifie d sh e ha d bee n the n b y hi s sufferings , ye t ho w uncomprehending, unsympathetic , an d indifferen t sh e ha d mad e herself appear . Bu t now, sh e seemed t o understan d bot h hi s suffer ings an d he r ow n merciles s lac k o f empathy . Lik e a littl e girl , she mus t hav e wante d mor e tha n anythin g he r distan t father' s forgiveness an d hi s comfort i n her ow n agony . Olga Nikolaevn a notice d tha t he r belove d longtim e companion , whom sh e ha d save d fro m a n emotiona l breakdow n an d whos e

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"dreams an d secrets " she had shared , suddenl y "bega n t o anguish , and t o whispe r ove r an d over , 'Papa , papa , wha t i s this? ! I reall y am dying . Papa, papa.' " 3 7 Toward nigh t sh e becam e ill . I t bega n wit h he r stomach ; sh e could no t diges t som e mushroom s sh e had eate n earlie r i n the day . Intestinal spasm s an d retchin g put a strain o n he r heart an d cause d it t o malfunction . Sh e bega n t o tos s an d tur n i n morta l anguis h a s she drifte d i n an d ou t o f consciousnes s an d seeme d t o b e starin g into th e corne r t o th e right o f her be d and brushin g someon e aside . Olga Nikolaevn a an d Nin a Yevgenyevn a wer e bot h wit h he r th e whole time . A t som e poin t i n th e earl y mornin g sh e apparentl y came to an d caugh t sigh t of Nina , rigi d i n a bedside chair , her eye s frightened an d doleful , he r dea r hea d shinin g silver-white . Th e dying poet foun d th e strengt h t o whisper : Upon your grey head I can't eye s That's I kiss the last time.38 At eleven-thirt y i n th e morning , withou t regainin g conscious ness, her hear t ruptured , an d sh e died . As soon a s Olg a Nikolaevn a realize d tha t th e en d wa s near , sh e notified Erarskay a i n Moscow . " I arrived, " Lyudmil a wrot e t o Gertsyk a mont h later , "a t 5 P.M . t o find ou r Sony a alread y i n he r coffin. . . . Her fac e was amazing. It immediately appeare d younge r and wa s smilin g with joy . Then, in a few hours , a crease of sadnes s set in over he r brows." 3 9

Epilogue

The Karinskoy e druggist , wh o wa s marrie d t o a loca l acquain tance o f Tsuberbiller' s an d Parnok's , cam e t o Tsuberbiller' s ai d a s soon a s he heard tha t Parno k ha d died . He contacted al l the peopl e whom Olg a Nikolaevn a needed , obtaine d th e officia l document s required t o transpor t th e poet' s bod y bac k t o Moscow , an d mad e arrangements wit h a carpente r t o mak e a coffin , a long , woode n box wit h onl y a mordant o n th e exterior fo r decoration . At seve n i n th e mornin g o n Augus t 2 8 th e processio n o f thos e friends o f Parnok' s wh o ha d manage d t o gathe r i n Karinskoy e began it s seventy-fiv e kilomete r tre k t o Moscow . Th e poet' s bod y was pulle d o n a horse-draw n car t b y th e onl y hors e availabl e fo r hire i n th e town , poignantl y an d ironicall y enough , a n old , feeble , overdriven mare . Sh e walke d ver y slowly , coverin g onl y tw o kilo meters a n hou r a t first, s o that th e walkers se t out a t a brisker pac e along th e highwa y i n fron t o f he r i n orde r t o urg e he r on . Olg a Nikolaevna constantl y sprinkle d Parnok' s bod y wit h pharmaceuti cals "an d therefor e Sony a di d no t decompos e a t all, " Erarskay a later recalled. 1 The processio n reache d th e outskirt s o f Mosco w a t on e i n th e morning o f th e twenty-nint h an d bega n th e hardes t par t o f th e journey, traversin g th e street s o f th e cit y t o Nikitsk y Gates . Epi demics wer e ragin g i n Moscow , an d Olg a Nikolaevn a feare d th e 307

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police woul d sto p an d questio n the m an d woul d no t accep t th e official pape r sh e ha d attestin g tha t Parno k ha d die d o f hear t failure. Since horse-draw n vehicle s wer e no t allowe d o n man y o f Mos cow's mai n streets , th e processio n wa s force d t o mak e severa l unnecessary an d time-consumin g detours . A t ever y intersectio n policemen ble w thei r whistle s an d ordere d the m t o tur n of f th e thoroughfares an d procee d vi a backstreets . I t wa s almos t daw n when the y finally arrive d a t 12 A Nikitsky Boulevard . Gornung learne d o f Parnok' s deat h fro m a n acquaintanc e wh o himself ha d hear d th e new s a t the Union o f Writers, where Tsuber biller ha d immediatel y telegrammed . H e arrive d a t th e apartmen t on Augus t 2 9 a t eleve n i n th e morning . A s h e walke d int o th e vestibule, Gornun g wa s greete d b y th e sigh t o f Nin a Vedeneyev a and a woman h e di d no t kno w nailin g flower s t o th e coffi n lid . H e entered th e roo m an d wen t u p t o th e coffin . " I looke d a t [Sophi a Yakovlevna] fo r a lon g time . Sh e was littl e changed . He r fac e wa s very pale an d a s usual, covere d wit h freckles . Onl y aroun d he r lip s a dark-bluis h hu e wa s apparent . Olg a Nikolaevn a cam e u p t o m e and I gave her hand a firm shake." 2 Someone i n th e roo m expresse d surpris e tha t n o announcemen t of Parnok' s deat h ha d appeare d i n Izvestiia. Gornun g calle d a friend o f hi s o n th e pape r wh o promise d t o loo k int o th e matter , but Irin a Sergeyevn a Yurgenson—th e sam e Irin a Sergeyevn a wh o had bee n clos e to Parno k i n th e earl y 1920s—decide d t o g o to th e Izvestiia office s hersel f an d mak e sur e that a n announcement o f th e death woul d appea r i n th e nex t day' s paper . Gornun g wen t wit h her. O n th e wa y the y stoppe d i n a t th e Unio n o f Writer s t o chec k if a n announcemen t o f th e deat h ha d bee n posted there . It had not . Gornung too k a shee t o f paper , wrot e tw o announcement s abou t the burial, an d hun g them o n th e wall . When h e go t bac k t o th e apartment , h e aske d Olg a Nikolaevn a whether sh e would lik e him t o photograph Parno k i n her coffin. A t first sh e hesitated , bu t the n sai d tha t sh e kne w sh e woul d regre t i t

EPILOGUE 3 0

9

if sh e didn' t hav e i t done . Gornun g drov e t o som e nearb y friend s and borrowe d a larg e woode n camera . Whe n h e returned , i t wa s already 1:3 0 P.M . Wit h al l eye s o n hi m i n th e silent , stuff y room , he se t abou t takin g th e pictures . A s soo n a s h e wa s finished , th e funeral burea u phone d t o sa y tha t a horse-drawn hears e wa s wait ing outsid e t o transpor t th e coffi n t o th e cemetery . Th e final good byes began . The vast majority o f mourner s were women, Gornun g noted . As he wa s waitin g hi s tur n t o sa y good-by e t o hi s friend , h e spotte d among th e mourner s Volkenshtei n an d Gurevich . Th e las t perso n to sa y a lon g farewell , jus t befor e th e coffi n li d wa s lowered , was Olg a Nikolaevna . "He r usua l reserv e bega n t o brea k down, " Gornung late r wrot e i n hi s journal , "bu t sh e quickl y go t contro l of herself." 3 The coffi n li d wa s screwe d o n noiselessl y an d the n th e me n began t o carr y th e coffi n ou t o f th e house . Olg a Nikolaevn a joine d them a s a pallbeare r i n front , o n th e right-han d side . Whe n the y went dow n th e fou r fron t steps , th e whol e weigh t o f th e coffi n shifted ont o th e pallbearers i n front , bu t Olg a Nikolaevn a bor e u p under it s weight . In th e crow d tha t ha d gathere d aroun d th e hearse , Gornun g spotted Pasterna k an d exchange d greeting s wit h him . The n h e returned t o the empty roo m fo r th e camera. Vedeneyeva wa s there , crying. Erarskaya wa s with her . Gornung ha d to return th e camera , and fro m ther e h e proceede d directl y t o th e cemetery , arrivin g before th e hearse an d processio n o f mourners . From th e cemeter y gate s th e coffi n wa s carrie d b y Gornung , another man , severa l women , an d Olg a Nikolaevna . Amon g th e people a t th e grav e wer e a woma n wh o ha d don e typin g fo r Parnok, th e poet' s sister , an d severa l wome n poets . Whe n th e coffin wa s silentl y lowere d int o th e grav e an d th e first clump s o f earth struc k it , Vedeneyev a starte d t o fain t an d Gornun g ha d t o hold he r up . Olg a Nikolaevn a stoo d b y th e grave , he r chee k pressed agains t her palm , an d stare d int o space .

3 I O EPILOGU

E

A white wooden cros s with a rough inscriptio n wa s brought an d mounted, th e edge s o f th e grav e wer e evene d off , an d th e wome n covered i t with flowers . The y hun g a wreath e o f carnation s o n th e cross. The n everyon e stoo d i n silenc e fo r a lon g tim e unti l a mon k came an d san g th e mas s fo r th e dead . "W e wer e nea r Son y a th e whole tim e wit h suc h enormou s lov e an d affection, " Erarskay a later recalled . "W e wer e al l s o shake n an d upset . Ho w muc h despair surrounde d her , ho w man y tear s wer e she d ove r he r grave."4 After th e othe r mourner s left , Olg a Nikolaevn a remaine d alon e at th e grav e wit h tw o o f he r deares t wome n friend s wh o ha d helped he r t o organiz e th e funeral . In th e day s immediatel y followin g th e burial , Gornun g visite d Olga Nikolaevn a an d wit h he r permissio n mad e copie s fo r himsel f of hi s friend's las t poems . On th e nint h da y afte r Parnok' s death , Nin a Yevgenyevn a an d another woma n bot h wen t t o th e wood s outsid e th e cit y t o gathe r conifer branche s an d re d whortleberr y greens , whic h the y lai d on th e grav e togethe r wit h a wreath e o f autum n leaves . A mas s was sung . On Septembe r 2 5 Erarskay a wrot e t o Eugeni a Gertsyk : "W e s o often gathe r no w aroun d Olg a Nikolaevn a i n that hug e roo m wit h the light-blu e lamp . Th e writin g tabl e i s covere d wit h a mas s o f flowers an d al l the photograph s o f Sony a tha t exist . A t first i t wa s awful an d hopelessl y melanchol y t o b e i n thei r roo m withou t Sonya. Now i t seems that sh e is alive, that sh e is with us. " Each o f Parnok' s friend s an d lover s gathere d ther e mus t hav e sensed tha t th e "eternit y promise d b y love " was real , an d tha t sh e was th e recipien t o f th e poet' s promise , a s expresse d t o a n un named love r an d frien d i n a September 192 6 lyric: And when upon the earth descends the twilight dove-grey-blue, an otherworldly female guest, I'll come and roam with you . . . (#177)

Appendix

The followin g error s i n th e Russia n text s o f Parnok' s poem s i n Sobranie sochinenii (Ardis , 1979 ) hav e bee n correcte d i n m y translatio n of thos e poem s a s the y appea r i n thi s book . # 6 9 , stanz a 2 , line 2 : "muzhskikh " shoul d b e "muzhskoi. " # 7 1 , stanz a 2 , lin e 2 shoul d read : "nenavistli v serdtsem . A i a toskuiu:" #114, stanz a 1 , lin e 8 shoul d read : "neumolimy i moi! " an d stanz a 2 , lines 5- 8 shoul d read : "Snov a temny i kru g / somknulsi a nad o mnoi . / O, mo i strastny i drug , / neutomimy i moi! " #162, stanz a 2 , lin e 2 : "vognutye " shoul d b e "vygnutye. " #165, stanz a 2 , line 2 : "oklikaia " shoul d b e "oklikaiu. " #204, stanz a 2 , line 4 shoul d read : " a mn e eto—rech i slushat'. " Stanza 5 , line 4 shoul d read : "sam a t y budesh ' kaznima. " #220, stanz a 2 , line 4 shoul d contai n th e wor d "zhivykh " i n betwee n "kakikh" an d "glubin. " #224, stanz a 1 , line 4 shoul d read : "stik h moi , led-iasenets! " #247, lin e 3 shoul d read : "ka k mi g tishiny , cht o vsek h shumo v ogromnei,—." #252, stanz a 1 , lin e 2 should read : "godik-drugoi. " #260, stanz a 1 , lin e 3 shoul d read : " S tek h po r mecht e t y stal a muzykoi,"

3ii

Notes

INTRODUCTION

i. I n he r "Introduction " t o Parnok' s Collected Poems, Polyakov a call s Parnok " a strange r [inostranka] i n Russia n literature " (91) . Parnok' s lover, Marin a Tsvetaeva , haile d he r "girlfriend " a s " a fai r strange r with th e bro w o f Beethoven " ( a compariso n tha t allude s t o th e scop e and revolutionar y potentia l o f Parnok' s a s yet , i n 1915 , unrealize d poetic gift ) i n th e nint h poe m o f "Girlfriend, " th e cycl e o f poem s sh e dedicated t o Parnok . 2. I t is telling that o f Polyakova' s tw o ground-breakin g work s o n Parnok , it i s th e second , [NeJZakatnye ony dni (Ardis , 1983) , i n whic h sh e revealed Parno k an d Tsvetaeva' s lov e affai r an d discusse d it s creativ e progeny, tha t ha s becam e mos t Slavists ' sourc e o f knowledg e abou t Parnok an d he r poetry . 3. Plan s ar e no w finally afoo t t o publis h Polyakova' s editio n o f Parnok' s poems i n Russia . Th e volum e wa s schedule d t o appea r a t th e en d of 1993 . 4. A . P . Chekhov , Lette r t o Suvori n o f Decembe r 6 , 1895 , Polnoe sobranie sochinenii i pisem, t . 6 o f Pis'ma, Moscow , 1978 , 106—7 . I a m grateful t o Katherin e T . O'Conno r fo r pointin g out thi s letter t o me . 5. Se e Heilbrun , Writing a Woman's Life, an d Burgin , "Sophi a Parno k and th e Writing o f a Lesbian Poet' s Life. " 6. Se e Laur a Engelstein , The Keys to Happiness: Sex and the Search for Modernity in Fin de Siecle Russia (Ithaca : Cornel l Universit y Press , 1993)7. Barbar a Walker , The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols and Sacred Objects (Sa n Francisco: Harper an d Row , 1988) , 363-64 . 313

314 NOTE

S TO CHAPTER I

8. Parno k referre d t o hersel f a s a "beast " wh o ha d elude d th e knowledg e of "zoologists " i n th e 193 2 lyric , "Exhausted , wear y unt o death, " #246 i n Collected Poems. CHAPTER I 1. Bodi k e t al. , Taganrog, 61. Unles s otherwis e noted , Englis h transla tions o f al l Russian originals , prose an d poetry , ar e my own . 2. Quote d passage s describin g Taganro g ar e fro m Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 12-14 . 3. Date s fro m th e prerevolutionar y perio d (throug h 1917 ) wil l b e give n according t o th e Julia n calendar , whic h th e Russian s use d a t tha t time. I n th e nineteent h centur y th e Julia n calenda r wa s twelv e day s behind th e Gregorian , an d i n th e twentiet h centur y i t was/i s thirtee n days behind . Accordin g t o ou r wester n (Gregorian ) calendar , Parno k was born o n Augus t n , 1885 . 4. Fro m Parnok' s poem , "Jul y Thirtieth, " # 8 5 , i n Sobranie stikhotvorenii (Collected Poems), 1979 . Henceforth , al l poem s quote d fro m thi s edition o f Parnok' s Collected Poems (CP) will b e referenced b y num ber i n parentheses afte r th e quotation, e.g . (#85) . 5. R . D . Charques , A Short History of Russia (Ne w York : E . P. Dutton , 1956), 208 . 6. Ibid. , 208 . 7. Bodik , Taganrog, 67. 8. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 16. 9. Ibid. , 16 . 10. Bodik , Taganrog, 66, 78 . 11. Ibid. , 6$—66. 12. Quote d b y Ernest J. Simmons , Chekhov: A Biography (Boston : Little , Brown, 1962) , 120 . 13. Ibid. , 324 . 14. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 16. 15. Ibid. , 100 . 16. I t i s no t beyon d th e real m o f possibilit y tha t Valenti n Parnak h wa s sexually abuse d b y hi s father : hi s obsessio n wit h th e stepmothe r whose vagin a i s to o narro w t o accommodat e a sexuall y matur e ma n suggests such a possibility . 17. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f July 22 , 1908 . 18. Parnok' s schoo l record s hav e bee n lost , an d th e exac t date s o f he r matriculation an d graduatio n fro m th e gymnasiu m ar e no t known .

NOTES TO CHAPTER I 31

5

Most likely, she finished the gymnasium i n 1903 , but 190 4 is also possible. 19. Satina , Education of Women, 46 . 20. Th e origina l tabl e o f content s o f Parnok' s 190 0 "Noteboo k o f Poems" i s i n m y possession . Th e original s o f he r othe r forty-nin e extant juvenil e poem s ar e i n th e possessio n o f he r nephew , wh o live s in Moscow . I hav e rea d the m an d refe r t o the m i n th e exac t cop y made fo r m e b y Sophi a Polyakova . I hav e numbere d the m J- 2 t o J-50 accordin g t o th e orde r o f thei r appearanc e i n th e noteboo k an d henceforth quotation s o f thes e juvenil e poem s wil l b e reference d b y this J-number , give n i n parenthese s afte r th e quotation . Non e o f Parnok's juvenili a hav e bee n published . 21. Fo r a n in-dept h discussio n o f th e inventio n o f literar y lesbianis m b y the lat e nineteent h centur y Frenc h decadents , se e De Jean, Fictions of Sappho 1546-1937. 22. Th e original manuscrip t i n m y possession . 23. Fo r a lis t o f Germa n medica l work s o n lesbianis m translate d int o Russian a t thi s time, see Engelstein, "Lesbia n Vignettes. " 24. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 14 . 25. Ibid. , 14 . 26. Thi s poe m i s entitle d "Excerpt " (Otryvok) an d i s th e first o f severa l poems wit h thi s title tha t Parno k wrot e durin g he r creativ e life . 27. Polyakova' s "Introduction " (i n Russian) t o Parnok's Collected Poems contains a n exhaustiv e an d perceptiv e discussio n o f al l th e Russia n poets wh o playe d a rol e i n Parnok' s creativ e development . Fro m the nineteent h century , th e Romanti c poet s Yevgen y Baratynsk y an d Fyodor Tyutchev wer e closest to her, thematically an d lyrically. I have chosen no t t o discus s Parnok' s creativ e relationshi p wit h he r Russia n forefathers (an d foremother , Karolin a Pavlova , fo r tha t matter ) o n the ground s tha t suc h a discussio n wil l hav e littl e meanin g fo r An glophone reader s o f thi s boo k (regrettably , non e o f th e poet s Parno k loved mos t ar e generall y know n outsid e o f Russia) , an d thos e wh o read Russia n ca n refe r t o Polyakova' s excellen t discussion . 28. Parnok' s teenag e preoccupatio n wit h sex strike s u s toda y a s merel y typical o f adolescence . I n th e contex t o f he r ow n time , class , an d culture, i t seem s t o m e t o reflec t a certai n degre e o f sexua l precocit y that wa s no t s o typical . I t wa s on e thin g fo r a well-brought-up , sixteen-year-old youn g lad y i n th e lat e Victoria n er a t o indulg e i n private, romantic , an d eve n sexua l fantasies ; i t was quit e anothe r fo r her t o writ e abou t physica l lovemakin g s o explicitl y an d concretely ,

316 NOTE

S TO CHAPTER 2

even i n th e guise of a young ma n writin g a letter t o a male frien d an d mentor. I n man y o f he r late r poems , Parno k returne d t o th e them e of her passionat e nature , an d sh e occasionall y connecte d i t wit h he r Jewish origin s and, specifically , he r father. Sh e also noted i n one poem that he r mother' s emotiona l make-u p wa s antithetica l t o her s and , b y inference, t o he r father's . I t i s no t impossibl e tha t th e "olde r friend " in th e juvenil e poeti c dialogue , "Correspondence, " represente d Par nokh's perceptio n o f he r father' s (probabl y unverbalized ) attitude s about se x and love . 29. Th e imag e o f th e blac k ros e i s relativel y rar e i n Russia n poetry . Outside o f Blok , it occurs, as far a s I know, onl y i n Baratynsky . 30. Th e poem contain s traditiona l sexua l images , although it s meaning i n the context o f Parnokh' s relationshi p wit h Polyakov a remain s elusive . The dewdrop s o n th e rose s ar e a commo n metapho r fo r semen , a s i n the weddin g son g o f th e roya l bridegroo m i n th e "Son g o f Solomon " (5:2): " I sleep , but m y heart waketh: i t is the voice of m y beloved tha t knocketh, saying , Ope n t o me , m y sister , m y love , m y dove , m y undefiled: fo r m y head i s filled with dew , an d m y locks with th e drop s of night. " Parno k kne w th e Ol d Testamen t almos t b y hear t an d he r poetry contain s numerou s reference s t o it . Th e lil y wa s onc e a flora l emblem o f th e goddes s Juno i n he r virgi n aspec t an d symbolize d "th e female cu p holdin g th e divin e essenc e o f life " (Walker , The Woman's Dictionary, 428) . 31. Volkenshtein , Gurevich , Gnesin , Tsvetaeva , Adelaid a an d Eugeni a Gertsyk, an d Tsuberbille r al l trie d i n thei r ow n way s t o "save " Parnok. 32. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 17 . 33. A s I intend t o sugges t here , Parnok' s perceptio n o f he r creativ e spiri t seems t o contai n point s i n commo n wit h th e definitio n o f "Muse " given b y th e America n radica l lesbia n feminis t philosopher , Mar y Daly, i n Websters First New Intergalactic Wickedary of the English Language (Boston : Beaco n Press , 1987) : "Muse: th e guiding Geniu s / Demon o f a Musin g woman ; a woma n i n Touc h wit h he r Creativ e Spirit, her Self. "

CHAPTER 2

1. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Februar y 21 , 1931, 23. 2. Polyakova , CP, 327 . Geltser' s inscriptio n o n th e 192 6 phot o contin -

NOTES T O CHAPTE R 2 3 1

7

ued: "Th e fac t tha t I don't se e you doesn' t mea n tha t I don't remem ber you." Geltse r wa s widely rumore d t o b e bisexual . 3. Polyakova , "Introduction, " 9-10 . 4. Parnok' s materna l grandfathe r wa s Abra m Idel'son . He r materna l uncle, Adol f Abramovich , live d eithe r i n Taganro g o r i n Rostov-on Don. Idel'so n wa s a rathe r widesprea d Russian-Jewis h surname , s o i t is difficul t t o trac k dow n Parnok' s relative s o n he r mother' s side . There were Idel'sons livin g in the Russia n colon y i n Zurich durin g th e last thir d o f th e nineteent h century , bu t whethe r the y wer e relate d t o Parnok i n an y way canno t b e determined . 5. I have been unable to determine the exact time and place of Parnokh' s first acquaintanc e eithe r wit h Volkenshtei n o r Mikhai l Gnesin . I t i s very possibl e tha t Volkenshtei n ha d relative s i n Taganro g (ther e wa s a Jewis h famil y o f tha t nam e i n th e city) , an d Parno k ma y hav e me t him i n he r hometown . Th e othe r possibilitie s ar e tha t the y me t i n Rostov-on-Don wher e th e Gnesin s lived , o r eve n i n St . Petersbur g where Parno k ha d a n uncl e (perhap s o n he r father' s side) . Th e "Im promptu" Son y a dedicate d t o Vladimi r i n Ma y 190 3 ha s a ton e o f familiarity t o it , whic h suggest s sh e an d Volkenshtei n wer e b y the n already friends . Intellectua l societ y i n Russia n provincia l citie s wa s very close-knit, s o it is likely that Parnok' s relative s in Rostov-on-Do n would hav e know n th e Gnesins , an d i f Volkenshtei n ha d relative s i n Taganrog, the y woul d hav e know n th e Parnokhs . 6. Volkenshtein , " V dn i molodosti, " 286 . 7. Gnesin , "Stranitsy, " 138 . 8. Zinovyeva-Annibal' s nove l Thirty-three Monsters (1907 ) wa s consid ered th e first lesbia n nove l i n Russia n literature . Se e Burgin , "Lai d Out i n Lavender. " 9. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 10. Ibid . 11. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtein o f Augus t 14 , 1905 . 12. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Jun e 23 , 1906 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 8 . 13. Unles s otherwise noted, my translations of Parnok's unpublishe d earl y verse fro m 1905- 6 ar e fro m exac t copie s o f th e Russia n original s made b y Polyakova an d give n t o m e in a notebook i n my possession . 14. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Septembe r 10 , 1905 . 15. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtein o f Octobe r 7 , 1905 . 16. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Decembe r 1905 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 10 .

3 18 NOTE S TO CHAPTE R 2 17. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtein o f January 16 , 1906 . 18. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Ma y 9 , 1906 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 13 . 19. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Ma y 14 , 1906 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 13—14 . 20. Include d wit h a letter fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n o f Ma y 31 , 1906. 21. Th e identit y o f Parnok' s companion—he r lette r i s written i n th e first person plural—i s mysterious . I f i t i s Volkenshtein, the n h e mus t jus t have arrive d i n Mosco w (Parno k ha d writte n t o hi m i n St . Petersbur g two week s previously ) an d mus t hav e jus t a s rapidl y change d hi s plans to accompany Parno k somewher e fo r th e summer (Volkenshtei n was bac k i n Petersbur g b y th e en d o f June) . Th e othe r possibilit y i s Polyakova, wit h who m Parno k appear s t o hav e bee n livin g i n Mos cow upo n he r (Parnok's ) retur n fro m abroad . Parnok' s allusio n t o th e generally ba d stat e o f affair s migh t hav e persona l (rathe r tha n politi cal) meaning . I n he r correspondenc e wit h Gnesi n sh e was in th e habi t of alludin g t o he r persona l problem s (usuall y lov e problems ) i n onl y the mos t genera l term s an d dismissin g the m a s "no t wort h writin g about." Gnesi n tende d t o pla y th e seriou s bi g brothe r wit h Parno k and alway s insiste d tha t thei r correspondenc e b e "useful" t o the poet . 22. Detail s o f Polyakova' s visi t t o Golden Fleece wer e reporte d t o Vol kenshtein i n Parnok' s lette r t o hi m fro m Taganro g o f Jun e 23 , 1906 . See Polyakova, "Introduction, " 12 . 23. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Jun e 23 , 1906 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 8 . 24. Quote d b y Parno k t o Volkenshtei n i n he r lette r t o hi m o f Jul y 26 , 1906. 25. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Jun e 23 , 1906 , quote d b y Polyakova, 12 . The Russia n kb i s pronounced similarl y to the Germa n ch, a s in "Bac/?. " 26. Clarenc e Brown , i n The Prose of Osip Mandelshtam (Princeton : Princeton Universit y Press , 1965) , surmise s tha t Parno k change d he r name i n orde r t o hid e he r Jewish origins , bu t Polyakov a convincingl y rebuts hi m b y arguin g tha t a Jewis h nam e wa s n o hindranc e t o publishing one' s wor k i n prerevolutionar y Russia , an d tha t Parno k was ope n abou t he r Jewis h origin s i n severa l o f he r lyric s an d i n he r personal lif e ("Introduction, " 309) . I n m y opinion , allegation s tha t Parnok wa s ashame d o f he r Jewis h origin s ar e likel y t o b e roote d i n the homophobi c an d anti-Semiti c attitude s o f he r detractors . On e striking proo f o f th e all-too-commo n conflatio n o f anti-Semitis m an d

NOTES TO CHAPTER 2 31

9

homophobia i s a comment a t th e en d o f a letter fro m Bori s Zaitsev t o Ivan Bunin an d hi s wife (Septembe r 8 , 1933) . Responding t o th e new s of Parnok' s death , Zaitse v ha s referre d t o he r a s "on e o f us, " only t o conclude, "Evidentl y sh e had a church funera l althoug h sh e was a Jew by blood (an d b y certai n psychologica l 'deviations') " (Novyi zhurnal, kn. 14 9 (1982) : 129—30) .

27. Heilbrun , Writing a Woman's Life, n o . 28. Letter , from Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f July 6 , 1906 , quoted b y Polya kova, "Introduction, " n . 29. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Jul y 26 , 1906 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " n . 30. Narodnaia vest', no . 1 , 190 6 (noiabr') , str . 72 . 31. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Apri l 27 , 1909 . 3 2. Th e first seve n line s of thi s poem wer e publishe d a s a separate lyri c in Protalina, vyp . I, vesna 1907 . 33. Fro m a n unpublished , undate d poem , " I d o not lov e love." 34. Parnok' s secon d publishe d poem , whic h appeare d i n th e almana c Protalina, vyp . I, vesna, 1907 , deals with th e poetic speaker's attemp t to fre e hersel f fro m th e powe r tha t a love r ha s exercise d ove r he r fo r many years . Th e addresse e o f th e poe m ma y wel l b e Nadezhd a Poly akova. 35. Undate d lette r fro m mid-190 7 fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtein , quote d by Polyakova, "Introduction, " 9 . 36. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Ma y 30 , 1907 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 8 . 37. Stanle y Rabinowitz , unpublishe d biographica l sketc h o f Lyubo v Gur evich, quoted b y permission o f th e author . 38. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Apri l 12 , 1909 . 39. Polyakova , "Introduction, " 10 . 40. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Januar y 8 , 1909 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 10 . 41. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 42. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 16 , 1909 . 43. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 44. Obrazovanie, no . 5 (mai ) 1908 . Her e agai n Parnok' s poeti c speake r suffers fro m wha t I would ter m a Pechori n complex , tha t sh e i s fate d always t o pla y a destructiv e role , howeve r unwillingly , i n th e live s o f her lovers . 45. Obrazovanie, no . 6 (iiun' ) 1908 , 146 . 46. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f July 22 , 1908 .

320 NOTE

S TO CHAPTE R 2

47. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f July 22 , 1908 . The translation s o f Baudelaire's Poemes en prose (Stikhotvoreniia v proze) wer e pub lished by Posev Press (St . Petersburg, 1909) . The names of th e transla tors ar e not given ; Parno k an d Gurevic h ar e listed a s coeditors . 48. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f July 22 , 1908 . 49. Ibid . 50. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f July 31 , 1908. 51. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 52. Ibid . 53. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Januar y 25 , 1909 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 11-12 . 54. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 55. Informatio n o n th e symptom s an d treatmen t o f Grave' s diseas e a t th e beginning o f th e twentiet h centur y i s fro m W . H . Thomson , Grave's Disease (Ne w York , 1904) , 6 - 7 . 56. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 16 , 1909 . 57. Ibid . 58. Manuscrip t include d i n lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 16, 1909 . 59. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 16 , 1909 . 60. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Volkenshtei n o f Marc h 25 , 1909 , quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " n . 61. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Apri l 12 , 1909 . 62. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f April 27 , 1909 . 63. Adelaid a Gertsyk , "Mat ' i doch'," Fodval'nye ocherki, Russian Literature Triquarterly, no . 23 , 1990, 373. 64. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Apri l 27 , 1909 . 65. Ibid . 66. "Excerpt, " Messenger of Europe, Apri l 1910 . Th e poe m wa s proba bly written i n 1909 . 67. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 31 , 1910. 68. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n o f Februar y 6, 1910 . 69. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n o f Apri l 16, 1910 . Th e translatio n of th e phras e "verse s o r vice " wa s suggeste d t o m e b y Katherin e T. O'Connor . 70. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Ma y 8 , 1910 . 71. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 31 , 1910. 72. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Pete r Struv e of Augus t 25 , 1910 . 73. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Struv e o f Septembe r 15 , 191 0 (emphasi s i n the original) .

NOTES TO CHAPTER 3 3

21

74. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 10 , 1911. 75. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 14 , 1911. 76. Ibid . JJ. Lette r fro m Chatskin a t o Gurevic h o f Augus t 13 , 1911. 78. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 4 , 1913 . 79. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Octobe r 26 , 1911. 80. Undate d lette r fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n fro m earl y winter 1911 . 81. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 2 , 1912 . 82. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 21 , 1912. CHAPTER 3

1. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 4 , 1913 . 2. I n he r lette r o f Januar y 16 , 1913 , t o Gurevich , Parno k hersel f note d the od d combinatio n o f seriou s thought s o n deat h followe d b y th e most mundan e "business " concern s relate d t o Russian Talk. Bori s Sadovskoy's commen t t o he r tha t i n newspape r writin g on e appear s "in dishabille " obviousl y mad e a dee p impressio n o n her . Sh e associ ated appearin g i n print i n dishabille wit h livin g (o r dying) a s merely a way o f passin g time , a n ide a tha t horrifie d her ; "[Sadovskoy ] mad e light o f m y fea r tha t appearin g 'i n dishabille ' ca n becom e a habit. . . . And no w I' m thinkin g tha t i f on e look s a t lif e a s a wa y o f merel y passing the time, one ca n sin k int o utte r spiritua l dishabille. " 3. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 4 , 1913 . 4. Quote d b y Parnok i n her lette r t o Gurevic h o f January 16 , 1913. 5. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f January 16 , 1913. 6. Ibid . 7. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y n , 1913 . 8. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 24 , 1913 . 9. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Marc h 7 , 1913 . 10. Severnye zapiski, no . 5— 6 (mai-iiun') 1913 , 95. 11. Russkaia mysl\ no . 5 (mai) 1913 , 189 . 12. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Septembe r 10 , 1913 . 13. Ibid . 14. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Novembe r 13 , 1913. 15. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Novembe r 3 , 1913. 16. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Decembe r 1 , 1913. 17. Postcar d fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Apri l 3 , 1914 . 18. Severnye zapiski, no . 6 (nun' ) 1914 , 140 . 19. Informatio n o n Shankli n an d Napie r Hous e provide d b y C . R . Sing ,

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Assistant Librarian , Th e Joh n Ryland s Universit y Librar y o f Man chester (England) . 20. Postcar d fro m Parno k t o Lipskero v o f July 1 , 1914 . 21. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n o f Augus t 22 , 1914 . 22. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 44 . 23. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n o f Septembe r 19 , 1914 . 24. Eugeni a Gertsyk , Vospominaniia, 21 . 25. Ibid. , 12 , 14 . 26. Ibid. , 142-43. 27. Ibid. , 141 . 28. Publishe d i n th e Februar y 191 5 issu e o f Severnye zapiski (Northern Annals), wher e Adelaid a Gertsy k ha d becom e a regular contributor . 29. Gertsyk , Vospominaniia, 148 . 30. Th e lesbia n lov e affai r behin d Tsvetaeva' s "Girlfriend " cycl e an d th e identity o f th e "girlfriend " t o who m th e poem s wer e addresse d wa s first reveale d b y Sophi a Polyakov a i n [Nejzakatnye ony dni: Tsvetaeva i Parnok (An n Arbor : Ardis , 1983) . This boo k shal l b e referre d to hencefort h a s NOD. Th e Russia n text s fo r m y translation s o f Tsvetaeva's poem s t o Parno k ar e thos e i n thi s book . M y descriptio n of Parno k an d Tsvetaeva' s first meetin g i s a clos e paraphrase (almos t a prose translation ) o f th e tenth poe m i n "Girlfriend. " 31. Tsvetaev a acknowledge d he r bisexualit y i n this notation o f hers date d June 9 , 1921 : "To lov e onl y wome n (fo r a woman) o r onl y me n (fo r a man) , consciously excludin g th e usual opposite—ho w horrible ! But [to love ] onl y wome n (fo r a man ) o r onl y me n (fo r a woman) , con sciously excludin g th e unusual same—ho w boring! " (quote d b y Polyakova, NOD, 102) . O n 12 3 n . 21 , Polyakova provide s a n overvie w of th e femal e same-se x them e i n Tsvetaeva' s creativ e wor k a s well a s noting th e frequen t comment s o n lesbia n attractio n an d relationship s in her journal s an d notes . 32. Tsvetaeva' s lyrica l perceptio n an d expressio n o f Parnok' s differenc e bears a striking , i f probabl y chanc e resemblanc e t o Haveloc k Ellis' s view of lesbians in Sexual Inversion, "a s both faile d wome n an d faile d men: faile d me n becaus e thei r instinct s an d physiolog y ar e basicall y female; faile d wome n becaus e the y ente r masculin e profession s an d seek t o adop t a masculin e rol e i n relatio n t o othe r women " (Chri s White, " 'Sh e wa s no t reall y a ma n a t all' : Th e Lesbia n Practic e an d Politics o f Edit h Ellis, " i n What Lesbians Do in Books, ed . Elain e Hobby an d Chri s White [London : The Women's Press , 1991] , 69).

NOTES TO CHAPTER 3 32

3

33. Polyakova , NOD, 45 . 34. Parno k distinguishe d tw o kind s o f Salieri , "th e grea t Salieri , wh o had hi s Mozart , an d Salier i th e Wanderin g Jew , fo r who m Mozar t represents th e threa t o f genius " ("P o povod u poslednik h proizvedeni i Valeriia Briusova, " Severnye zapiski, no . 1 [ianvar'] 1917 , 159) . 35. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 36. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 44 . 37. Gertsyk , Vospominaniia, 143-44 . 38. Lette r fro m Voloshin a t o Obolenskay a o f Decembe r 30 , 1914 , NOD, 47 . 39. M y pros e narrativ e o f thi s da y essentiall y translate s an d slightl y aug ments Tsvetaeva' s lyrica l accoun t i n th e sevent h poe m o f "Girl friend." 40. "Girlfriend " di d no t becom e par t o f th e Tsvetaev a cano n unti l th e 1970s, an d whe n i t wa s firs t published , i t appeare d withou t th e original dedicatio n t o Parnok . Som e Russia n Tsvetaev a scholar s con tinue t o den y tha t Tsvetaev a an d Parnok' s relationshi p wa s sexua l o r even romantic i n nature . 41. Quote d b y Losskaya, Marina Tsvetaeva v zhizni, 150 . 42. Elizavet a Parnok h Tarakhovskaya , Vospominaniia. Tarakhovskay a took fou r year s of f he r age , leadin g som e specialist s t o lis t he r birth date mistakenly a s 1895 . 43. Quote d b y Polyakova, NOD, 50 . 44. Polyakov a i n NOD wa s th e first t o argu e tha t Parno k wa s th e proba ble "internal " addresse e o f Tsvetaeva' s "Lettr e a l'Amazone. " Tsve taeva trie d t o gai n acceptanc e t o Barney' s Ru e Jaco b salon , bu t wa s apparently snubbe d (o r simply ignored) . 45. Tsvetaeva , "Lettr e a PAmazone, " Englis h translatio n b y Edwin a Cruise (unpublishe d typescript , 5) . 46. Tsvetaeva , "Lettr e a PAmazone," passim. 47. Virgini a Wool f wrot e Orlando a s a gift an d gestur e of reveng e agains t the sexuall y unfaithfu l Vit a Sackville-West . Se e Burgin , "Sign s o f a Response," 225-2 6 nn . 3 , 5 . 48. Se e Burgin, "Afte r th e Ball, " 426—28 , for Blokia n overtone s t o Tsve taeva's namin g Parno k a "fai r strange r wit h th e brow o f Beethoven. " 49. Lette r fro m Voloshin a t o Obolenskay a o f Januar y 21 , 1915 , NOD, 50. 50. O n Marc h 13 , 1915 , Tsvetaev a wrot e a poe m t o Parnok , "Th e hill s outside Mosco w ar e blue, " tha t sh e originall y include d i n "Girl -

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friend" bu t lef t ou t o f th e fina l version . I t ende d wit h th e lines : "I' m already comin g dow n wit h summer , / Having barel y fro m winte r go t well" (NOD, 97 ). 51. Tsvetaev a hersel f acknowledge d tha t thi s poe m wa s addresse d t o he r in he r notatio n o f Novembe r 2 , 1940 : " 'Lik e a smal l gir l yo u ap peared i n m y presenc e ungracefully'—Sapph o (b y th e way , writte n out b y S. Parnok an d addressed—t o me 5 " (NOD, 12 2 n. 15) . 52. I t i s interestin g tha t Tsvetaev a ende d "Lettr e a l'Amazone " wit h a n implied epitap h t o Parnok , concludin g wit h th e phrase , "Whe n I se e the wa y a willo w i s weeping, I understand Sappho. " I n othe r words , "Sappho" wa s literall y Tsvetaeva' s las t wor d o n Parnok , an d Sapph o had bee n th e mediatri x o f Parnok' s first poe m t o Tsvetaeva . Th e reference t o a "weepin g willow " als o conjure s u p Opheli a an d Tsve taeva's callin g Parno k a Shakespearea n tragi c heroin e i n th e firs t poem o f "Girlfriend. " Parno k identifie d hersel f wit h th e willo w tre e in he r juvenil e lov e lyric s t o Nadezhd a Polyakova . I t i s unlikel y tha t Tsvetaeva kne w them , althoug h sh e ma y hav e know n fro m Parno k herself abou t som e of Parnok' s forme r lovers . 53. Th e tex t o f thi s poe m wa s discovere d an d first publishe d b y Polya kova in NOD, 5 2 - 5 3 . 54. Liz a Efron , wh o lived , mos t o f he r lif e wit h a permanen t femal e companion, ma y hav e shared Parnok' s affectiona l preference . 55. Th e addresse e o f thi s poem wa s no t indicate d b y Parnok. I agree wit h Polyakova's surmis e that sh e was most likel y Tsvetaeva . 56. Lette r fro m Voloshin a t o Obolenskay a o f Februar y 5 , 1915 , NOD, 50 . 57. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Februar y 2 , 1909 . 58. Th e vo n Arni m subtex t i n thi s poe m wa s first reveale d i n Burgin , "After th e Ball," 4 3 0 - 3 3. $9. "Voice s wit h thei r promisin g play, " writte n o n Marc h 14 , 1915 , NOD, 102 . 60. NOD, 98 . 61. Lette r fro m Voloshin a t o Vera Efro n o f May 17 , 191 5 (cop y provide d to me by Lena Korkina) . 62. NOD, 54-55 . Th e laundr y lis t i s a delightfu l piec e o f mundan e testimony t o th e women' s lov e affair , bu t I a m no t entirel y i n agreement wit h Polyakova' s assumptio n tha t Parno k playe d the "hus band" an d Tsvetaev a th e "wife " i n thei r "conjugal " relationship . T o my min d heterosexua l se x role s an d relationship s tel l on e littl e o r nothing abou t lesbia n sex role s and relationships , an d th e applicatio n

NOTES TO CHAPTER 3 32

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of heterosexua l model s t o lesbia n relationship s seem s merel y t o rein force th e homophobi c stereotype s o f lesbian s adhere d t o b y man y heterosexual readers . Parnok , moreover , playe d differen t role s i n dif ferent relationships . 63. Quote d b y Polyakova , NOD, 49 . Th e commen t wa s note d b y Tsve taeva o n July 20 , 1915 . 64. Lette r fro m Voloshin a t o Liz a Efro n o f June, 191 5 (cop y provide d t o me by Len a Korkina) . 65. Quote d b y Polyakova, CP, 360 . 66. "Mandelshta m i s a fool : Sophi a Yakovlevn a i s right . Simpl y stupid , without an y particular qualities. " Letter fro m Khodasevic h t o hi s wif e Anna Ivanovn a o f June 18 , 1916 . 67. Anastasi a Tsvetaeva , Vospominaniia, 556 . 68. Lette r fro m Voloshin a t o Liz a Efron , Jul y 14 , 191 5 (cop y provide d t o me by Lena Korkina) . 69. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f June 26 , 1915 . 70. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 46 . 71. Th e exac t dat e o f Parnok' s baptis m i s no t known , bu t th e even t occurred afte r he r divorc e i n 190 9 an d befor e th e Octobe r 191 7 Rev olution. 72. Ther e i s no indicatio n o f wh o th e addresse e o f thi s poem was . 73. Again , ther e i s n o indicatio n o f wh o th e addresse e o f thi s poe m was . The wor d "brother " coul d refe r t o a mal e associate , friend , o r col league of th e speaker's a s well a s to her biologica l brother . 74. Lette r fro m Tsvetaev a t o Liz a Efro n o f Jul y 30 , 1915 , quote d b y Polyakova, NOD, 57 . Tsvetaeva ma y hav e chose n Liz a Efro n t o con fide in becaus e sh e kne w tha t Liz a wa s no t unsympatheti c t o Parno k and coul d thu s sympathiz e wit h bot h side s of Tsvetaeva' s dilemma . 75. NOD, 38 . The poem wa s written o n June 14 . 76. Th e Russia n wor d fo r "mistress " her e (gospozha) denote s "lad y o f the manor" o r "missus, " not "femal e lover. " 77. Parno k an d Tsvetaev a hel d poetr y reading s (a t Parnok's ) o n Augus t 19 an d Septembe r 24 , a s May a Kudashov a reporte d t o Vyachesla v Ivanov i n tw o letters . Kudashov a refer s t o Marin a an d Sony a a s i f they wer e a couple : "I n th e earl y evenin g I have t o g o t o se e Marin a and Sonya, " Kudashov a wrot e (quote d b y Polyakova , NOD, 124-2 5 n. 35. ) 78. Severnye zapiski, no . 7 -8 (iiul'-avgust) , 1915 . J9. Polyakova , NOD, 103 . 80. "Th e gyps y passio n o f separation " wa s writte n i n Octobe r 1915 ; th e

326 NOTE S TO CHAPTER 4 text i s i n NOD, 104 . I t reflects , i n part , a s d o tw o poem s o n gyps y themes Parno k wrot e i n Septembe r 1915 , Tsvetaeva's (an d Parnok's ) enjoyment o f th e gyps y singer s a t th e Ya r Restauran t i n Mosco w where the y were wined an d dine d b y Saker an d Chatskina . 81. Polyakov a identifie d Efro n a s th e intende d addresse e o f thi s poe m (NOD, 106-7) . 82. Writte n o n Novembe r 27 , 1915 . Text i n NOD, 105 . 83. I n Olg a Tsuberbiller' s cop y o f Poems, Parno k contradicte d he r ow n 1915 datin g o f thi s poe m an d wrot e i n th e margi n tha t # 2 4 wa s written i n Moscow , 1916 . 84. Th e "defrocke d monk " i s a n allusio n t o Grigor y Otrepyev , th e Fals e Dmitri an d husban d o f Marin a Mniszek , who , accordin g t o legend , was a runawa y monk . I n vie w o f Parnok' s previou s lyrica l identifica tion o f Tsvetaev a a s Marin a Mnisze k (i n "Sonnet, " #28) , he r reference t o th e "defrocke d monk " i n "Rondeau " coul d b e rea d a s a n allusion t o Marina' s husband , Serge y Efron . 85. Quote d i n Losskaya , Marina Tsvetaeva, 150 . 86. Fo r a detailed discussio n o f th e critical response t o Parnok's firs t boo k see Burgin, "Lai d Ou t i n Lavender. " CHAPTER 4

1. Tsvetaeva' s impression s o f Petrogra d an d al l subsequent detail s abou t the Kannegisers ' part y com e fro m he r lette r t o Kuzmin , quote d b y Polyakova i n NOD, no—14 . 2. Simo n Karlinsky , Marina Tsvetaeva, 56. 3. Polyakova , NOD, 12 6 n. 52 . 4. Se e Burgin, "Afte r th e Ball" 431, 434 n . 20 . 5. Al l details o f Sony a an d Marina' s breaku p ar e fro m Tsvetaeva' s lette r to Kuzmin , NOD, 110-14 . 6. Quote d b y Polyakova , NOD, 12 5 n . 40 . Polyakov a rightl y caution s against readin g th e scen e o f Parno k an d Erarskay a talkin g o n Par nok's be d a s a sexuall y intimat e scene . Sh e point s ou t tha t a s a semi invalid Parno k ofte n receive d visitor s a t hom e fro m he r bed . How ever, surel y no t al l visitor s woul d b e invite d t o si t o n he r bed , an d s o Erarskaya's positio n ther e wa s a sig n o f he r intimac y wit h Parnok , sexual o r not . Clearly , Tsvetaev a understoo d fro m thei r postur e tha t they wer e o n intimat e terms , o r sh e woul d no t hav e fel t s o trauma tized b y the sight .

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7. Polyakov a give s convincin g proo f tha t th e unname d addresse e o f thi s poem wa s Tsvetaeva i n NOD, 108—9 . 8. Tragically , Tsvetaev a wa s force d t o abando n thi s secon d daughter , Irina, i n a stat e orphanag e durin g th e famin e o f th e Civi l Wa r i n Moscow, an d th e two-year-ol d infan t die d o f starvation . Th e child' s paternity, accordin g t o som e Tsvetaeva scholars , is in doubt . 9. I n her noteboo k fo r 192 0 Tsvetaeva wrote : "That' s th e way I suffere d at twenty-tw o fro m Sony a P k , bu t i t wa s different : sh e antago nized me , embittere d me , trample d ove r me , but—sh e love d me! " (NOD, 51) . 10. Note d b y Tsvetaeva i n her journal fo r 1915-1 6 unde r March 3 , 1916. Quoted b y Polyakova, NOD, 61 . 11. Th e poem i s unfortunately untranslatabl e int o English . 12. Mandelshtam' s relationshi p wit h Parno k (Parno k stresse d th e las t syllable o f he r chose n surname ) an d wit h he r brothe r (Parnakh ) played a rol e i n th e creatio n o f th e autobiographica l her o (name d Parnok) o f on e o f hi s mos t abstrus e pros e works , Egyptian Stamp, written i n th e lat e twentie s an d th e subjec t o f numerou s critica l stud ies. Although som e scholar s continu e t o argu e tha t th e her o o f Man delshtam's wor k incorporate s trait s o f Sophi a Parnok , th e majorit y (and mos t recent ) believ e Mandelshtam' s Parno k wa s base d o n him self an d o n Valenti n Parnakh , wit h who m Mandelshta m wa s friendl y in th e earl y twenties . He apparentl y though t Parnakh' s las t name wa s Parnok, lik e his sister . 13. Lette r fro m Khodasevic h t o Parno k o f July 22 , 1916 . 14. Th e addresse e wa s discovere d b y th e presen t author . Note s fo r poe m in CP d o no t mentio n th e dedicatio n t o L.V.E., whic h wa s include d in th e first (1916 ) publicatio n o f th e poem . 15. Lette r fro m Erarskay a t o Gertsy k o f Septembe r 25 , 1933. 16. Gertsyk , Vospominaniia, 161 , 17. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gnesi n o f Februar y 2 , 1917 . 18. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Veisberg o f Februar y 9 , 1917 . 19. Ibid . 20. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Veisber g o f Februar y 18 , 1917 . 21. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Veisberg of Marc h 29 , 1917 . 22. Ibid . 23. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f Jun e 20 , 1917 , quote d b y Polya kova, "Introduction, " 20 . 24. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f Augus t 14 , 1917 , fro m Moscow .

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In he r "Introduction, " Polyakov a give s th e impressio n tha t Parno k was alread y i n Sudak a t this time . 25. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshin o f Augus t 14 , 1917 . 26. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f Septembe r 16 , 1917 , fro m Sudak . Parnok wrot e essentiall y t o sen d he r address , whic h suggest s sh e an d Erarskaya ha d jus t arrive d i n Sudak . 27. Fro m Erarskaya' s unpublishe d Vospominaniia (Reminiscences), por tions o f whic h ar e quote d i n Marin a Spendiarova' s chronicl e o f he r father's life , Letopis' zhizni i tvorcbestva A. A. Spendiarova, 350-51 . Erarskaya i s a fe w month s of f i n he r datin g o f Spendiarov' s firs t meeting with he r an d Parnok . 28. Polyakova , "Introduction, " 64 . 29. Image s of Eugeni a Gertsy k a s "godmother" an d "Sugdalia n sibyl " ar e from poe m #77, quote d i n full i n this chapter . 30. Gertsyk , Vospominaniia, 139 . 31. Adelaid a Gertsyk' s poe m t o Parno k ha s neve r bee n published . M y translation wa s mad e fro m a handwritten cop y give n t o m e by Polya kova o f the autograph i n the archive of T. N. Zhukovskaya, Gertsyk' s granddaughter. Th e poem wa s written i n Suda k i n 1919 . 32. Quote d b y Spendiarova, Letopis', 355 . 33. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Spendiaro v o f Octobe r 1926 . 34. Quote d i n Spendiarova, Letopis', 356 . 35. Ibid. , 358 . 36. Lette r fro m Eugeni a Gertsy k t o Le v Shesto v o f Januar y 26 , 1924 , i n Gertsyk's Vospominaniia, 165—66. 37. Spendiarova , Letopis', 360 . 38. Polyakova , NOD, 12 6 n. 55 . 39. Lette r fro m Parno k e t al . t o Gork y o f Marc h 23 , 1921 , quote d b y Spendiarova, Letopis', 361-62 . 40. Spendiarova , Letopis', 362 . 41. Le v Gornung, Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Apri l 15 , 1932 . 42. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshin o f Ma y 12 , 1 9 21. 43. Quote d b y Polyakova, NOD, 63 . 44. Lette r fro m Spendiaro v t o Parno k o f January 29 , 1922 . 45. Ibid. , quoted b y Spendiarova, Letopis', 366. 46. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshin o f Apri l 7 , 1922 . 47. Ibid . 48. Ibid . 49. Ibid .

NOTES TO CHAPTER 4 3

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50. Ibid . 51. Polyani n [Parnok] , "Dn i russko i liriki, " Shipovnik, No . 1 , Moscow , 1922,157—61. 52. Gornung , i n Memoirs (dated) , note s tha t a "femal e companion " o r "woman friend " (podruga) wa s living with Parno k i n 192 3 an d 1924 . This woma n frien d migh t hav e bee n Irin a Sergeyevn a (Yurgenson) , whom Parno k refer s t o i n a n Augus t 192 4 not e t o Gurevic h a s some one who live s in he r apartmen t an d take s message s fo r her . The othe r possibility i s that Irin a Sergeyevna , als o a friend o f Olg a Tsuberbiller , happened t o liv e i n Parnok' s communa l apartmen t o n Fourt h Tver skaya Yamskay a an d simpl y befriende d th e poet . 53. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshin o f Augus t 3 , 1922 . 54. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshin o f Septembe r 4 , 1922 . 55. Parnakh , Vospominaniia, 119 . 56. Ibid. , 88 . 57. Ibid . 58. Not e fro m Volkenshtei n t o Nikitin a a t on e o f th e Saturdays , lat e 1922 (Nikitina Saturdays Archive , TsGALI). 59. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Januar y 26 , 1923 . Polyakova mis takenly rea d th e dat e o n thi s letter a s 1925 . 60. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshin o f Novembe r 10 , 1922 . 61. Se e De Jean, Fictions of Sappho. 62. Vladimi r Solovyov , Stikhotvoreniia. Proza. Pis'ma. Vospominaniia sovremennikov (Moscow : 1990) , 107 . I t ma y als o b e wort h notin g that Solovyov' s sister , Poliksen a Solovyova , wa s a lesbian , albei t a completely closete d one , an d a prolifi c poet . Sh e wrot e exclusivel y with a male persona . 63. A n anonymou s reviewe r o f Lokhvitskaya' s first volum e o f poem s (1896) sai d tha t th e youn g poetess' s "swee t song s o f love " woul d insure tha t "th e nam e o f Mm e Lokhvitskay a wil l pas s int o ver y distant centurie s a s the name of th e Russian Sappho " (Russkoe bogatstvo, 1896, No . 7 , 59—60). 64. E . V . Sviiasov , "Saf o v vospriiati i russkik h poetov " (1880—1910 c gg.), Na rubezhe XIX i XX vekov. Iz istorii mezbdunarodnykh sviazei russkoi literatury, (Leningrad : Akademi a Nau k 1991) , 259 . 65. On e o f th e fe w exception s wa s a shor t poe m abou t Sapph o b y Serge y Solovyov. 66. Se e De Jean, Fictions of Sappho, o n Welcker , 205 . 67. P . Mokievskii, revie w o f Ott o Weininger , Pol i kharakter, i n Russkoe

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bogatstvoy 1908 , No . 12 , 28 . Mokievski i cite s fro m p . 7 7 o f th e Russian translatio n h e i s reviewing . M y thank s t o Ir a Papern o fo r pointing this revie w ou t t o me . 68. Vladisla v Khodasevich , "Sofi a Parnok . Stikkotvoreniia," Utro Rossii, 1916 , No. 274 . 69. Parno k di d no t kno w classica l Greek . 70. Vyachesla v Ivanov , Alkei i Safo. Sobranie pesen i liricheskikh otryvkov (Moscow : 1914) , 25. 71. Vikent y Veresaev , Sochineniia (Moscow : 1948) , 3:369 . 72. Som e Russia n mal e poet s suc h a s Derzhavian , Katenin , an d Ivano v had importan t persona l an d creativ e relationship s (generall y o f th e creative rivalr y sort ) wit h Sapph o i n he r hypostasi s a s Origina l Woman Poet . 73. Firs t published i n Severnye zapiski, no . 5-6 , 1915 . 74. Severa l thing s i n th e poe m sugges t tha t th e addresse e migh t b e Tsve taeva: (1 ) th e addresse e i s als o a poet , an d Parnok' s onl y know n lover wh o wa s als o a poe t a t th e probabl e tim e o f compositio n wa s Tsvetaeva; (2 ) Parno k discovere d "Lesbos , cradl e o f lyrica l song, " around th e tim e tha t sh e an d Tsvetaev a discovere d eac h othe r an d became lovers ; (3 ) th e phras e i n lin e 2 , "wea k fro m happiness, " i s often use d by Parnok t o describe the post-lovemaking stat e and occur s in he r Januar y 191 5 poem , "Tha t evenin g wa s blazin g dimly " (se e chapter 3) , whic h wa s mos t likel y addresse d t o Tsvetaeva ; (4 ) th e addressee's nam e "attract s th e waves," i.e., is associated wit h th e sea ; Parnok calle d he r Marin a "th e namesak e o f th e sea " i n he r Augus t 1915 poe m t o her , "Blindl y starin g eyes " (se e chapter 3) . 75. Ivano v mistranslate d Sappho' s fragmen t a s "Slee p o n you r femal e companion's breast , slee p on he r voluptuous breast. " 76. Natali e Cliffor d Barney , Actes et Entr'actes, 1910 , 66-67 . 77. Parnok' s self-identificatio n an d lyrica l self-creatio n a s a latter-da y Amazon quee n i n a poem tha t wa s first publishe d i n Septembe r 191 6 in Severnye zapiski (whic h Tsvetaev a mus t hav e see n sinc e poem s o f hers appeare d i n th e sam e issue ) provide s mor e evidenc e tha t Tsve taeva wa s addressin g Parno k i n "Lettr e a l'Amazone" a s much a s sh e was addressin g Natali e Barney . 78. Parnok' s us e o f th e imag e "tw o whit e doves " t o denot e a woman' s breasts i n #7 3 i s a direc t quot e fro m on e o f Pierr e Louys' s Songs ofBilitis. 79. M . Vazlinsky' s parod y wa s writte n a t th e en d o f 192 4 an d i s i n th e archive o f Mari a Shkapskaya , TsGALI .

NOTES TO CHAPTER 5 3

31

80. Polyakov a argue s tha t th e Chimer a represent s Sovie t power ; I agre e and sugges t tha t i t als o ha s a mor e persona l symbolism . Se e Burgin , "Sophia Parno k an d th e Writing o f a Lesbian Poet' s Life, " 228—29 . 81. Parnok' s poeti c speake r suggest s man y resemblance s t o th e "hungr y femme lesbian " describe d b y J o An n Loula n i n The Lesbian Erotic Dance (Sa n Francisco : Spinster s Boo k Company , 1990) . 82. Nikola i Stavrogin , th e morall y dea d romanti c mas k an d antiher o o f Dostoevsky's The Devils, i s described , i n th e languag e o f th e Apoca lypse, a s bein g neithe r ho t no r cold , bu t lukewarm . Th e spide r men tioned i n th e firs t lin e o f Parnok' s poe m als o ha s Dostoevskia n over tones—it i s a recurren t moti f o f evi l (mora l deadnes s an d negation ) in al l o f Dostoevsky' s novels . In general , Parnok' s poems , letters , an d critical article s contai n numerou s reference s t o Dostoevsky' s work . CHAPTER 5

1. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Januar y 26 , 1923 . The lette r i s no t from 1925 , as cited i n CP. 2. Ibid . 3. Ibid . 4. I refer t o tw o memoiristi c manuscript s o f Le v Gornung's : one , whic h 1 call Memoirs (dated) , has already bee n cite d i n the notes for chapter s 2 an d 4 ; th e othe r i s th e "Memoirs " Gornun g wrot e i n 197 4 fo r Sophia Polyakov a an d which sh e gave me to copy in 1987. 1 shall refe r to thes e memoirs , which ar e no t specificall y dated , a s Gornun g 1974 . 5. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f June 4 , 1923 . 6. Gornun g 1974 . 7. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Septembe r 27 , 1923 , 3-4 . 8. Lette r from Mandelshta m t o his father, [Winte r 1923-24], in Mandelshtam: The Complete Critical Prose and Letters, edite d b y Jane Gar y Harris (An n Arbor : Ardis , no date) , 490. 9. Gornun g 1974 . 10. Th e last four line s of the poem appeare d i n the autograph versio n only . 11. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f Jun e 4 , 1923 . 12. Sophi a Parnok , "B . Pasternak i drugie," Russkii sovremennik, no . 2 , 1924, 311 . Fo r discussio n o f ho w thi s relate s t o th e Parno k an d Tsvetaeva lov e affair , se e Burgin , "Afte r th e Ball. " 13. Thi s anecdot e an d detail s o f th e poetr y readin g tha t followe d ar e based o n Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Apri l 3 , 1924 , 11-12 . Gornung make s a point o f notin g tha t th e reaso n Parno k ha d t o coo k

332. NOTE S TO CHAPTER 5 the tongu e hersel f wa s tha t he r femal e companio n wa s ou t o f tow n at th e time . H e fail s t o nam e thi s femal e companion , however , eithe r out o f respec t fo r he r privac y o r becaus e h e di d no t conside r he r name wort h recordin g i n a literar y memoir . 14. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Februar y 5 , 1925 . 15. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Januar y n , 1926 . 16. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Marc h 13 , 1925 . 17. Lette r fro m Tsuberbille r t o Gertsy k o f Februar y 9 , 1925 . Tsuberbiller signed thi s lette r "Sonya' s [intimate ] friend " (Sonin drug). Tsuber biller's lette r i s i n th e privat e archiv e o f Eugeni a Gertsyk . 18. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Februar y 5 , 1925 . 19. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Marc h 13 , 1925 . 20. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Februar y 5 , 1925 . 21. Ibid . 22. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Ma y 4 , 1925 . 23. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f July 21 , 1925. 24. Ibid . 25. Th e origina l o f Parnok' s complain t i s i n E . F . Nikitina' s archiv e i n TsGALI, an d i s m y sourc e fo r th e histor y o f th e poet' s experienc e with thi s translation . 26. Pavlov a hersel f spok e o f th e anomal y o f bein g a femal e poe t i n Rus sia i n th e firs t hal f o f th e nineteent h centur y throug h th e heroin e (Cecily) o f he r poetic novel, A Double Life. Th e nove l ha s bee n trans lated int o Englis h b y Barbar a Held t an d wa s publishe d b y Ardis . 27. A gusla i s a lute-like nativ e Russia n instrumen t tha t th e singer s o f th e bylinas (epi c songs ) strumme d i n a recitative-lik e accompanimen t t o their narrations . Itineran t fol k musician s wer e ofte n blind , whic h i s interesting i n vie w o f Parnok' s compariso n o f he r poeti c speake r t o a blind ma n o r woma n i n severa l poems . I t i s als o interestin g tha t Par nok's earl y vers e contain s a lyric , "Son g o f th e Lake, " i n whic h th e poetic speake r identifie s hersel f a s a lak e an d rue s th e fac t tha t sh e has neve r "know n th e seas. " 28. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entr y fo r Januar y 3 , 1926 , 14 . 29. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Januar y 11 , 1926 . 30. Ibid . 31. Lette r fro m Erarskay a t o Gertsy k o f Septembe r 25 , 1933 . This lette r is in th e privat e archiv e o f Eugeni a Gertsyk . 32. Se e Tsvetaeva, "Lettr e a l'Amazone, " passim. 33. Polyakova' s phras e i s use d i n he r "Introduction " t o Parnok' s Collected Poems.

NOTES TO CHAPTER 5 33

3

34. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Apri l 1 , 1926 . 35. Karlinsky , Marina Tsvetaeva, 161 . 36. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Marc h 1 , 1926 . 37. I canno t entirel y agre e wit h Polyakova , a s sh e argue s i n th e note s o f Collected Poems, tha t th e poems i n "Dar k Wave " ar e unifie d b y "th e image o f Carme n an d he r livin g double , th e gyps y woma n an d th e black angel " (340) . Rather , th e unifyin g them e o f th e cycle' s poem s is gyps y musi c an d th e gyps y mod e a s exemplifie d an d conjure d b y Carmen, bu t als o b y othe r real-lif e wome n an d lover s o f th e poe t who ma y o r ma y no t hav e bee n gypsies . 38. Parno k refer s o r allude s t o severa l goddesse s fro m Greco-Roma n my thology tha t appeare d t o hav e ha d powe r ove r he r an d he r creativ e self i n variou s period s o f he r lif e an d ar e suggeste d i n th e changin g aspects o f he r poeti c speaker . Th e mos t dominan t goddesse s i n tha t speaker's lif e wer e Demete r (th e mother) , Aphrodite/Venu s (th e lover), Athen a (th e wis e woman) , Artemi s (th e autonomous , celibate , self-actualizing poet) , and t o a limited degree , Hera (th e domesticate d poet). Fo r mor e o n th e subjec t o f goddesse s i n women' s lives , se e Christine Downing , Goddess: Mythological Images of the Feminine (New York : 1984) . 39. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Jun e 6 , 1926 . 40. Ibid . 41. Tsvetaev a ma y als o have ha d new s o f Parno k fro m Valenti n Parnakh , who wa s livin g i n Pari s a t thi s time . 42. Th e Englis h editor s o f Tsvetaeva' s correspondenc e wit h Rilk e an d Pasternak omitte d Tsvetaeva' s lette r t o Pasterna k abou t Parnok , bu t quoted Pasternak' s repl y i n full . B. Pasternak, M. Tsvetaeva, R. M. Rilke, Letters of the Summer 1926, translate d b y Margare t Wettli n and Walte r Arnd t (Ne w York : Harcour t Brac e Jovanovich , 1983) , 101.

43. Ibid. , 103 . 44. Ibid. , 104 . 45. Ibid. , 103 . 46. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Apri l 1 , 1926 . 47. Th e bul k o f Adelaid a Gertsyk' s oeuvr e stil l remain s unpublished , bu t selections o f he r previousl y unpublishe d poem s hav e recentl y ap peared i n Voskresnyi vypusk volkhonko, Moscow , 1 6 fevralia, 1992 . 48. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Ma y 1 , 1926 . 49. I n today' s Russia , anythin g religiou s (wit h respec t t o Russia n Ortho doxy) tha t wa s banne d durin g th e Sovie t perio d i s rushe d int o print .

334 NOTE

S TO CHAPTER 5

Yet, Parnok' s mos t markedl y lesbia n poem s hav e remaine d unwel come. Russian scholar s an d reader s d o not recogniz e th e lesbian focu s in Parnok' s poetr y a s havin g a politica l dimension . Th e persona l emphasis i n he r vers e i s counte d a s a liabilit y tha t make s he r wor k less importan t tha n th e wor k o f poet s wh o mak e mor e conventiona l political statement s i n their verse . 50. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f Ma y 17 , 1926 . 51. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Kuzmi n o f Apri l 12 , 1926 . Archiv e o f M . A . Kuzmin, TsGALI, f . 232 . 52. Se e Walker, The Woman's Dictionary, 414—15 . 53. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Voloshi n o f June 4 , 1926 . 54. Parno k appeare d t o hav e achieve d thi s preciou s an d precariou s inte gration onl y i n her relationshi p wit h Olg a Nikolaevna . 55. Parnok' s las t lover , Nin a Vedeneyeva , apparentl y rea d #17 1 a s a n indication o f Parnok' s "inconstancy. " Se e Parnok's lette r t o Vedeney eva o f Augus t 22 , 1932 , as quoted i n chapte r 7 , note 20 . 56. Th e implici t compariso n o f th e appl e tre e wit h a blushin g brid e a s well a s thi s image' s eroticis m hav e Sapphi c overtones . Parno k ma y have left th e stanz a ou t becaus e o f th e mentio n o f th e word "cupola, " a religiou s reference . 57. Lette r o f Parno k t o Spendiaro v o f Octobe r 1926 , quote d b y Spendi arova. 58. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gurevic h o f Novembe r 30 , 1926 . 59. Th e Proustia n tex t behin d th e poem : "Momentanemen t eclips e mo n passe n e projetai t plu s devan t mo i cett e ombr e qu e nou s appelon s notre avenir, " fro m A Vombre des jeunes filles en fleur (Paris , 1954) , 1:875. 60. Th e word-pla y i n thi s poe m i s untranslatabl e an d derive s fro m th e similarity i n soun d o f th e phrases, "ne bit' chelom veku svoemu" (no t to kow-to w [bea t one' s brow ] t o one' s century ) an d "no byf chelom veka svoego" (bu t b e th e bro w o f one' s century ) an d th e fina l "byf chelovekom" (t o be a human being) . 61. Th e descriptio n o f ho w tachycardi a feel s wa s writte n a t m y reques t by my colleague an d friend , Robi n Miller . 62. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Fedorchenk o o f July 12 , 1927 . 63. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Fedorchenk o o f June 21 , 1927. 64. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k fro m th e summer o f 1927 . 65. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Fedorchenk o o f July 12 , 1927 . 66. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Fedorchenk o o f Augus t 8 , 1927 . 67. Ibid .

NOTES TO CHAPTER 6 33

5

68. Ibid . 69. Ibid . 70. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Spendiaro v o f Octobe r 8 , 1927 , quote d i n Khudabashian, "Avto r libretto, " n. 39 .

CHAPTER 6

1. Afte r Parnok' s deat h Zvyagintsev a republishe d Almast (Moscow , 1939) i n he r own , significantl y change d an d deforme d version . Se e Polyakova, CP, 31 3 n . 69 . 2. Postcar d fro m Parno k t o Zvyagintsev a o f Decembe r 7 , 1927 . 3. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyeva o f July 28 , 1933. 4. Polyakov a argue s cautiousl y tha t Valer y Bryuso v i s th e mos t likel y addressee o f thi s poem , whil e pointin g ou t tha t i f h e is , then Parno k misdated th e lyric . The poe m i s written t o a "living " venerabl e mas ter, Parnok date d th e poem t o mid-Marc h 192 6 an d Bryusov had die d two year s earlier . Se e Polyakova , CP, not e t o # 2 0 3 , 352 . Parno k detested Bryuso v an d mad e a point o f no t attendin g his funeral . 5. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Zvyagintsev a o f Februar y 22 , 1928 . 6. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Zvyagintsev a o f July 21 , 1928. 7. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f 1928 . 8. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g of June 24 , 1930 . 9. Gornun g 1974 . 10. Quote d line s are from a poem b y Pushkin . 11. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Gertsy k o f Ma y 4 , 1929 . 12. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Septembe r 22 , 1929 . 13. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Octobe r 5 , 1929 . 14. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Octobe r 10 , 1929 . 15. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Novembe r 15 , 1929 . 16. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Decembe r 6 , 1929 . 17. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Novembe r 12 , 1929 . 18. Starr , Romain Rolland (Th e Hague : Mouton, 1971) , 239 . 19. Lette r fro m Rollan d t o Parno k fro m Villeneuve , Septembe r 30 , 1929 . English translation s o f Rolland' s Frenc h ar e m y own . 20. Lette r fro m Rollan d t o Parno k o f Novembe r 20 , 1929 . 21. Parno k wrot e t o Voloshi n o n Apri l 7 , 1922 : Because of May a [Kudashova ] I missed the chance of replying to you via Dr. Nany, wh o lef t fo r Feodosi a agai n afte r spendin g thre e day s here . Horribl y annoying! For som e reaso n May a too k fro m Veresae v you r las t lette r t o me

3 3 ^ NOTE

S TO CHAPTER 6

despite the fact that Veresaev had wanted to deliver it to me himself. She told him that sh e sees me "every day" ( I haven't see n her once) and then kep t the letter fo r te n days. Why that li e was necessary remain s a mystery, but it's all the mor e annoyin g sinc e a t precisel y tha t tim e I was combin g Mosco w fo r a messenger. 22. Lette r fro m Rollan d t o Parno k o f January 4 , 1930 . 23. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Februar y 12 , 1930 , 18 . 24. Thu s Parno k relive d he r affai r wit h Tsvetaev a throug h a namesake, a second Marina , jus t a s Tsvetaev a ha d trie d t o reliv e (an d revise ) he r affair wit h Parno k throug h he r secon d Sony a (Sonechka) , th e actres s Sonya Hollida y (se e Polyakova, NOD, 65—66). 25. Excellen t reading s o f thi s poe m ar e give n b y D e Jean , Fictions of Sappho, 317—27 , an d Joh n Winkler , "Doubl e Consciousnes s i n Sappho's Lyrics, " in The Constraints of Desire: The Anthropology of Sex and Gender in Ancient Greece (Ne w York : Routledge , 1990) . 26. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Ma y 17 , 1930 , (emphasi s i n the original) . 27. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Apri l 28 , 1930 . 28. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f Jun e 24 , 1930 , (emphasi s i n the original) . 29. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f June 29 , 1930 . 30. Ibid . 31. Ibid . 32. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g o f June 29 , 1930 . 33. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g of Septembe r 19 , 1930 . 34. Ibid . 35. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Shteinber g of Octobe r 17 , 1930 . 36. Ibid . 37. Gornun g 1974 , quoted b y Polyakova, CP, 325 . 38. Gornun g 1974 , 9 . 39. Ibid . 40. Ibid. , 15—16. 41. Lette r fro m Rollan d t o Parno k o f Februar y 2 , 1931. 42. Photograp h i n Parnok' s persona l collection . 43. Accoun t o f Gornung' s visi t t o Maloyaroslavet s base d o n hi s accoun t in Memoirs (dated) , 24-27 . 44. Ivano v ha d bee n a clos e frien d o f Eugeni a Gertsyk' s i n th e year s 1906-9 an d wa s fon d o f callin g he r "sorella " (sister) , a s Parno k herself woul d late r cal l her i n severa l lyrics .

NOTES T O CHAPTE R 6 3 3

7

45. Walker , The Woman's Dictionary, 460 . Th e as h tre e ma y als o b e a n allusion t o Wagner' s Die Walkiire. I n this , second , oper a o f hi s Ring cycle, Wotan , king-of-the-gods , embed s a swor d int o th e as h tre e i n Hunding an d Sieglinde' s hous e durin g thei r weddin g celebratio n an d declares tha t onl y a her o ca n dra w i t out . Sieglinde' s brother/love r Siegmund turn s ou t t o b e that hero . 46. Polyakov a argue s that the "wear y woma n traveler " i n the poem refer s to Parno k herself . 47. Yuli a Veisber g wrote a humorous ditt y t o Parno k o n ho w th e heroin e of he r opera , Gyulnar a (and , b y implication, Maksakova) , ha d stimu lated th e poet (Parnok ) t o tak e u p he r lyr e after a long hiatus. Parno k herself contribute d th e punc h lin e (i n italic s here ) t o Veisberg' s epi gram, indicatin g th e final four-lette r wor d (tha t rhyme s wit h struck) with fou r dots : Praise, Gyulnara dear, we choir to you, who from th e poet's lyre anew sweet flights of sound has struck, though far beyond your grasp, Gyulnara, lies lofty poesy's tiara, and though a grey old man you. . . . The "gre y ol d man" obviousl y refer s t o Gyulnara' s love r i n the opera , but i n th e autobiographica l contex t surroundin g Parnok' s writin g o f the librett o an d he r intimat e relationshi p wit h Maksakov a (Gyul nara), th e "gre y ol d man " coul d b e rea d a s a typicall y self-ironi c allusion b y Parnok t o herself a s Maksakova's lover . Evidence for suc h a readin g ca n b e foun d i n th e ag e differenc e betwee n Parno k an d Maksakova, wh o wa s seventee n year s younge r tha n th e poet , an d i n Parnok's lyrica l self-imag e i n som e o f th e Vedeneyev a poem s a s "a n old man. " 48. Byul-byul mean s "nightingale. " 49. Parno k wrot e th e followin g ditt y t o Fain a Ranevskaya , wh o wa s widely rumore d t o b e a lesbian, rumor s sh e denied vociferously . I forgive you almost all your sins Only two of them I can't allow: Poetry you whisper to yourself, And you kiss out loud. Sin, have fun, and blossom with the years. Only heed my motherly advice—

3 3 8 NOTE S TO CHAPTER J A kiss, my darling, isn't for the ears, Music, my angel, isn't for the eyes. 50. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Decembe r 21 , 1931, 27-28.

CHAPTER 7

1. Polyakova , "Introduction, " 33 . 2. Gornun g 1974 . 3. Parnok' s Dante-Virgi l pairin g echoe s Tsvetaeva' s allusio n t o Oreste s and Pylade s i n the tent h poe m o f "Girlfriend. " 4. Polyakova , "Introduction. " 5. Lin e quote d b y Parno k (slightl y incorrectly ) fro m Pushkin' s narrativ e poem "Coun t Nulin. " 6. Th e topony m Viogoldsa (whic h I translate int o Englis h a s Viavocala ) appears t o hav e bee n a coinag e o f Parnok' s an d possibl y a wor d i n her an d Vedeneyeva' s privat e language . I t ha s s o fa r elude d th e mos t concerted effort s t o find a possibl e referentia l contex t i n literature , art, o r musi c tha t migh t she d ligh t o n it s etymolog y o r wha t Parno k meant b y i t (i f anything) . I n Russia n Viogoldsa appear s t o b e com posed o f tw o segments : th e foreig n prefi x vio, whic h occur s i n bor rowed word s lik e violoncbeV (violoncello) , an d th e nativ e word-roo t golos (voice) . 7. Th e poe m contain s a subtex t t o a Mandelshta m poe m an d throug h it t o Parnok' s affai r wit h Tsvetaeva . Se e Burgi n "Afte r th e Ball, " 441-44. 8. Se e Polyakova, "Eshch e odn o zabyto e imia, " Literaturnoe obozrenie, no. 10 , 1989 . 9. Th e ver b "t o eat " i n Russia n doe s not , a s i n English , hav e an y specifically sexua l connotation s denotin g cunnilingus . 10. Th e ancien t Persia n form , ghazals, ha s stron g association s wit h th e theme of mal e homoerotic lov e both i n its native poetic culture an d i n western Europea n literatur e wher e i t was introduced b y Goethe in th e early nineteent h century . Parno k ha d alread y use d ghazal s i n Poems in a lyri c I believ e t o hav e bee n addresse d t o Tsvetaev a (se e Burgin , "Signs o f a Response" ) an d fo r th e "Bard' s Song " ("Pesni a ashuga" ) in Almast, i n whic h sh e expresse d he r lov e fo r Erarskaya . A s fa r a s I know, Parno k i s th e onl y Russia n poe t t o us e ghazal s fo r th e expres sion o f femal e homoeroti c love . 11. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyeva o f Ma y 2 , 1932 .

NOTES TO CHAPTER J 33

9

12. Polyakova , "Introduction, " 33 . 13. I n th e contex t o f Parnok' s tripl e pun , th e wor d "philo-Sophy " als o means "lov e of Sophia. " 14. Th e quatrai n play s on a well-known epigra m b y Pushkin's brothe r o n the subjec t o f ho w Pushki n ha d bee n "goncharovized " b y hi s beauti ful youn g wife , whos e maide n nam e wa s Goncharov a (Polyakova , "Introduction," 363) . 15. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyev a o f Augus t 12 , 1932 . 16. Lik e Viogoldsa (Viavocala) , th e sourc e an d possibl e encode d signifi cance o f Parnok' s pe t nam e fo r he r lover , Wilhelmina , see m undeci pherable. Th e nam e Wilhelmin a i s mainl y German , a feminin e for m of Wilhelm, an d i t is a royal nam e i n the Netherlands . 17. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyev a o f Augus t 22 , 1932 . The Russia n word drug (whic h I hav e translate d her e a s "intimat e friend" ) tend s to b e reserve d b y Russian s fo r a perso n o f eithe r se x wit h who m the speake r ha s a particularl y close , deep , serious , an d emotionall y significant relationship . I n appropriat e contexts , suc h a s here , drug carries connotation s o f a marita l o r othe r permanen t lov e rela tionship. 18. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyeva o f Augus t 12 , 1932 . 19. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyeva o f Augus t 22 , 1932 . 20. Ibid . 21. Ibid . 22. Telegra m fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyev a o f Augus t 31 , 1932 . Vladimi r Dahl wa s th e nineteenth-centur y compile r o f th e authoritativ e multi volume Dictionary of Spoken Russian. 23. Parno k greatl y admire d th e ches s poems o f Nin a Podgorichan i i n The Eighth Horizontal, an d on e wonder s i f th e imager y i n thi s poem i s in any way relate d t o them . 24. Thi s i s Sophi a Polyakova' s interpretatio n a s conveye d t o m e i n a letter. Sh e base d i t o n "unconfirme d gossip " sh e ha d hear d fro m on e of he r informant s tha t Vedeneyev a ha d anothe r suitor , o r romanti c interest i n he r life , probabl y a man , who m Parno k perceive d a s a potential rival . 25. M y translatio n o f th e Russia n tex t o f th e ari a b y N. Konchalovskaya , V. A. Mozart, Don Zhuan (Moscow : 1983) , 84 . 26. B y wintertime Parno k probabl y mean s th e winte r o f he r life . "Sinfu l paradise" i n lin e 1 refer s t o th e "garden-fille d town " o f Kashin . "Sinful" doe s no t mea n "morall y wrong, " bu t "earthly " (an d sexual ) as opposed t o "heavenly " (an d spiritual) .

340 NOTE

S TO THE EPILOGUE

27. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) . 28. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Ranevskay a o f June 29 , 1933 . 29. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Ma y 25 , 1933, 31. 30. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r June 26 , 1933 , 31-32 . 31. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , "Rasskaz Ol'g i Nikolaevny," 33 . 32. I t seem s likel y tha t Vedeneyev a destroye d som e o f Parnok' s letters . After Parnok' s death , Vedeneyev a cease d relation s wit h th e othe r women i n the poet's intimate family circle , and sh e never reestablishe d contact wit h them . 33. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyeva o f July 7 , 1933 . 34. Lette r fro m Parno k t o Vedeneyev a o f July 28 , 1933. 35. Ibid . 36. Polyakova , "Introduction, " 35 . 37. Reporte d b y Olg a Tsuberbille r i n her "Account " (tol d t o Gornung ) o f Parnok's las t days . 38. Quote d b y Polyakova, "Introduction, " 35 . 39. Lette r fro m Erarskay a t o Gertsy k o f Septembe r 25 , 1933. EPILOGUE

1. Lette r fro m Erarskay a t o Gertsy k o f Septembe r 25 , 1933. 2. Gornung , Memoirs (dated) , entry fo r Augus t 29 , 1933 , 35. 3. Ibid. , 36 . 4. Lette r fro m Erarskay a t o Gertsy k o f Septembe r 25 , 1933.

Bibliography

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Batashev, Aleksei . "Egipetski i povorot . Zametk i o Valentin e Parnakhe. " Teatr, 1991 , no. 10 : 114-29 . Bodik, L . A. , e t al . Taganrog. Istoriko-kraevedcheskii ocherk. Rostov : Rostovskoe knizhno e izdatel'stvo , 1971 . Burgin, Dian a Lewis . "Afte r th e Bal l I s Over : Sophi a Parnok' s Creativ e Relationship wit h Marin a Tsvetaeva. " The Russian Review 4 7 (1988) : 425-44. . "Lai d Ou t i n Lavender . Perception s o f Lesbia n Lov e i n Russia n Literature an d Criticis m o f th e Silve r Age , 1893-1917. " m Sexuality and the Body in Russian Culture, eds . Jane Costlow , Stephanie Sandler , Judith Vowles , 177-203 . Stanford: Stanfor d Universit y Press , 1993 . . "Sign s o f a Response : Tw o Possibl e Parno k Replie s t o He r Podruga." Slavic and East European Journal 3 5 no. 2 (1991): 214-27 . . "Sophi a Parno k an d th e Writin g o f a Lesbia n Poet' s Life. " Slavic Review 5 1 no. 2 (Summer 1992) : 214—31 . De Jean , Joan . Fictions of Sappho, 1546—193*/. Chicago : Universit y o f Chicago Press , 1989 . Engelstein, Laura . "Lesbia n Vignettes : A Russia n Triptyc h fro m th e 1890s." Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 15 , no . 4 (Summer 1990 ) 813—32 . Gertsyk, Eugenia , Vospominaniia. Paris : YMC A Press , 1973 . Gnesin, Mikhai l F . "Stranits y i z vospominanii. " I n M. F. Gnesin. Stafi, vospominaniia, materialy, 122—61 . Moscow : Sovetski i kompositor , 1961.

341

342- BIBLIOGRAPH Y Gorchakov, G . N. "Sophi a Parnok : . . . Beschudesnyi podvig moil" Nashe nasledie, 1989 , no. 2: 87-89 . Heilbrun, Caroly n G . Writing a Woman's Life. Ne w York : W . W . Nor ton, 1988 . Ivanov, Viacheslav . Alkei i Safo. Sobranie pesen i liricheskikh otryvkov. Moscow, 1914 . Karlinsky, Simon . Marina Tsvetaeva: The Woman, Her World, and Her Poetry. Cambridge : Cambridg e Universit y Press , 1985 . . "Russia' s Ga y Literatur e an d History " [eleventh-twentiet h centu ries]. Gay Sunshine, no . 29/3 0 (1976) : 1-7 . Khudabashian, K . "Avtor librett o oper y 'Almast ' A. Spendiarova—Sophi a Parnok" Aleksandr Spendiarov. Stafi i issledovaniia, 187-210 . Yere van: Izdatel'stv o Akademi i nau k Armiansko i SSR , 1973 . Losskaia, Veronika . Marina Tsvetaeva v zhizni. Tenafly , N.J. : Ermitazh , 1989. Parnok, Sophia . "B . Pasternak i drugie. " Russkii sovremennik, 1924 , no . 2: 3 0 7 - n . . Sobranie stikhotvorenii [Collecte d Poems] . An n Arbor : Ardis , 1979. Poliakova, Sophia . "Eshch e odn o zabyto e imia . O poezi i Sofi i Parnok. " Literaturnoe obozrenie, 1989 , no. 10 : 107-9 . . [Ne]zakatnye ony dni: Tsvetaeva i Parnok. An n Arbor : Ardis , 1983. . "Vstupitel'nai a stat'ia " [Introduction] . I n Sobranie stikhotvorenii S. Ya. Parnok, 7-106 . An n Arbor : Ardis , 1979 . Polianin, Andre i [Sophi a Parnok] . "Dn i russko i liriki, " Shipovnik. Sborniki literatury i iskusstva, no . 1 . Moscow : Izdatel'stv o "Shipovnik, " 1922: 157—61 . . Review s an d revie w article s i n Severnye zapiski. 191 3 ("Otmech ennyia imena, " no . 4 : 111-15 ; " V poiskak h put i iskusstva, " no . 5-6 : 227-32); 191 4 (no . 2 : 180-84 ; no . 4 : 184-85 ; "Petersburg " no . 6 : 134—42); 1915 (no . 1 : 2 5 0 - 5 1 ; no . 2 : 2 2 0 - 2 1 ; no . 3 : 178-79 ; no. 7 — 8: 261-6 4 [o n Remizov] ; no . 10 : 231-34) ; 191 6 (no . 4 - 5 : 2 4 0 43; no . 6 : 218-20 ; no . 7 - 8 : 238) ; 191 7 ("P o povod u poslednik h proizvedenii Valerii a Briusova, " no. 1 : 157—61) . Satina, Sophie . Education of Women in Pre-revolutionary Russia. Ne w York, 1966 . Spendiarova, Marina . Letopis* zhizni i tvorchestva A. A. Spendiarova. Yerevan: Izdatel'stv o Akademi i nau k Armiansko i SSR , 1975 . Sviiasov, E. V. "Safo v vospriiatii russkik h poetov " ( i 8 8 o - i 9 i o e gg.) . Na

BIBLIOGRAPHY 3 4

3

rubezhe XIX i XX vekov. Iz istorii mezhdunarodnykh sviazei russkoi literatury. Leningrad : Akademi a nauk , 1991 . Taubman, Jane A. A Life through Poetry: Marina Tsvetaeva's Lyric Diary. Columbus, Ohio : Slavic a Publishers , 1988 . Tsvetaeva, Anastasia . Vospominaniia. Moscow : Sovetski i pisatel', 1984 . Tsvetaeva, Marina . Mon frere feminin [Lettre a VAmazone]. Paris : Mer cure de France, 1979 . . "Podruga. " I n Zakatnye ony dni: Tsvetaeva i Parnok, 2.1-38 . Ann Arbor : Ardis , 1983 . Volkenshtein, Vladimi r M . " V dn i molodosti. " I n M. F. Gnesin. Stat'i, vospominaniia, materialy, 284-87 . Moscow : Sovetski i kompositor , 1961. Walker, Barbara . The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols and Sacred Objects. Sa n Francisco : Harpe r an d Row , 1988 . UNPUBLISHED SOURCE S

Chatskina, Sophi a Letter t o Lyubo v Gurevich . Archiv e o f L . Ya . Gurevich , TsGALI , f . 131.

Gornung, Le v Memoirs (dated) . Typescript . Partiall y publishe d i n Nashe nasledie, 1989, no. 2 . Cited i n English translatio n b y permission o f th e author . Vospominaniia. 1974 . Typescrip t i n th e possessio n o f S . V. Poliakova . St. Petersburg . Khodasevich, Vladisla v Letters t o Ann a Ivanovn a Khodasevich . Archiv e o f V . F . Khodasevich , TsGALI, f. 53 7 (op . 1 , ed. khr.45) . Letters t o Sophi a Parnok . Archiv e o f V . F . Khodasevich , TsGALI , *• 537 Parnakh, Valenti n Pansion Mober. Vospominaniia Parnakha. Mashinopis ' s pravkoi avt ora. TsGALI, f . 225 1 (op . 1 , ed. khr. 44) . Parnok, Sophi a "Gymnasium Notebooks. " Th e poe m "Ou r fine musica l ear " an d th e table o f content s o f th e nonextan t noteboo k ar e i n m y possessio n [DLB]. Th e origina l o f th e othe r noteboo k i s i n th e privat e archiv e o f Parnok's nephe w i n Moscow ; poem s J2-J5 0 [m y numberin g system ] are cited fro m a n exac t cop y o f th e noteboo k tha t wa s mad e fo r m e b y Sophia Poliakova. )

344 BIBLIOGRAPH

Y

Letter t o Ann a Akhmatova . Archiv e o f A . A . Akhmatova , TsGALI , f . 13 (op . 1 , ed. khr. 148) . Letters to Sophi a Fedorchenko . Archive of S . Z. Fedorchenko, TsGALI , f. 161 1 (ed . khr. 95) . Letters t o Eugeni a Gertsyk , 1925—29 . Private archiv e o f E . K . Gertsy k in the possession o f T . N. Zhukovskaya , Moscow . Letters t o Mikhai l Gnesin . Archiv e o f M . F . Gnesin , TsGALI , f . 295 4 (op. 1 , no 614). Letters t o Lyubo v Gurevich . Archiv e o f L . Ya . Gurevich , TsGALI , f . 131.

Letters t o Konstanti n Lipskerov . Archiv e o f K . A . Lipskerov , TsGALI , f. 1737 . Letters t o Maximilia n Shteinberg . Archiv e o f M . O . Shteinberg . Manu script collection s o f th e Leningra d Institut e o f Theater , Music , an d Cinematography, f . 28 , G. 617 . Letters t o Pyot r Struve . Archiv e o f P . B . Struve , Saltykov-Shchedri n Library, St . Petersburg . Letters t o Nin a Vedeneyeva . Privat e archiv e o f N . E . Vedeneyeva , i n the possession o f her so n i n Moscow . Letters t o Yuli a Veisberg-Rimskaya-Korsakova . Archiv e o f Yu . L . Veisberg. Saltykov-Shchedri n Library , St . Petersburg , f . 63 9 (ed . khr . 274). Letters t o Maximilia n Voloshin . Archive s o f th e Institut e o f Russia n Literature an d Art , St . Petersburg , f . 56 2 (op . 3 , No 931) . (Portion s o f these letters were recentl y publishe d i n 1992) . Letters t o Ver a Zvyagintseva . Archiv e o f V . K . Zvyagintseva , TsGALI , f. 1720 . "Written Complain t t o th e Arbitratio n Commissio n o f th e All-Russia n Union o f Writer s agains t Nikitin a Saturday s Publisher s Cooperative. " Archive o f E . F. Nikitina, TsGALI , f. 341 . Rolland, Romai n Letters t o Sophi a Parnok . Archiv e o f S . Ya . Parnok , TsGALI , f . 1276 , ed. 15 . Tarakhovskaya, Elizavet a Vospominaniia o starom Koktebele. Typescrip t (unpaginated) , 1964 . Tsvetaeva, Marin a "Lettre a l'Amazone," trans . Edwina Cruise . Typescript . Voloshina, Elen a Letter to Liz a Efron. Cop y i n the possession o f E. B. Korkina, Moscow . Letter to Vera Efron. Cop y in the possession o f E. B. Korkina, Moscow .

Index o f Firs t Line s o f Poems b y Parno k Cite in T h i s B o o k (in t h e o r d e r o f t h e i

d

r

appearance)

An asteris k indicate s tha t th e poe m appear s i n it s entirety . CHAPTERI

As col d i s bitter , hea t ca n b e intens e (#85 ) 1..................................... Without a staf f an d pilgrim' s walle t (#157 ) ..................................... 2 You see m t o hav e resurrected , sprin g (#2 ) ...................................... 2 Our fin e musica l ea r (J-l ) ........................................................ 2 The smel l o f magnolia s (J-10 ) .................................................... 2 Her voic e wa s enchantin g (J-8 ) .................................................. 2 The rustl e o f gree n cypres s leave s (J-23 ) ......................................... 2 So strong , lik e death , seductively-superbl y (J- l 1)*........................... 28—2 And h e wa s submissive . (J-12 ) 2................................................... A pedagogue o f splendi d wisdo m (J-14 ) ......................................... 2 How I envy yo u (J-16 ) ........................................................... 3 Spring . . . a ne w forc e i s born . (J-21 ) .......................................... 3 When jus t no w I recognized (J-22 ) ............................................... 3 Leave her e a s soo n a s possible ! Oh , faster ! (J-24) *.............................. 3 Believe me , m y friend , they'r e no t wort h despisin g (J-18 ) ....................... 3

6 0 1 5 7 7 7 9 9 9 0 0 0 1 1

345

346 I N D E

X

There stand s befor e yo u passion' s victi m (J-26 ) 3 I've finall y know n th e powe r o f feelin g (J-25 ) 3 3 - 3 "What i s life i f i t lack s enchantment? " (J-27 ) 3 4 - 3 Sweet sound s quive r agai n (J-28 ) 3 Love i s gon e . . . the tuberose s hav e fade d (J-31 ) 3 There can' t exis t a perso n wh o (J-34 ) 3 Your mora l lecture s interes t me , the y reall y do ! (J-32 ) 3 Fate's a s carefre e a s a chil d (J-35 ) 3 My poem s breath e (J-36 ) 3 I'm i n pain . I lack th e strengt h t o spea k . . . (J-37) * 38-3 Perhaps you r beaut y i s deceptiv e (J-41 ) 3 The colde r th e letter s yo u writ e (J-42 ) 3 Why d o I love you , d o yo u know ? (J-43 ) 3 The forc e an d passio n o f you r kis s (J-46 ) 4 Our Russi a i s enormou s (J-44 ) 4 0 , 4 0 - 4 A sleepin g beauty , yes . (J-47 ) 4 Israel, long-sufferin g people ! (J-45 ) 4 1 - 4 Twilight tim e autumnal . Greyis h al l aroun d . . . (J-48) * 4 Farewell, m y informatio n bureau ! (J-50 ) 4

2 4 5 5 5 6 6 6 7 9 9 9 9 0 1 0 2 2 2

CHAPTER2

Why o h wh y fro m m y paterna l threshol d {#95) 45 In blan k indifferenc e ther e is . 4 Life i s a woman . Merel y b y he r ow n seductions * 5 Perhaps becaus e I wished t o fal l i n lov e wit h being * 5 Just listen , ho w amids t inspire d dreaming * 5 Suddenly yo u stoo d stil l 5 1 - 5 I a m still , fo r I fear I will fal l ou t o f lov e 5 In mournfu l luxur y o f tree s tha t hav e bee n gilded * 56—5 How ca n on e writ e abou t th e quie t fading * 57—5 I kno w profoundl y well—you'v e show n m e everything * 5 Soon th e leave s o f th e gree n popla r tree s 5 8 - 5 I don' t lov e lov e becaus e m y though t 5 In a romanc e I like (#39 ) 64 I'm afrai d o f m y hear t a s neve r befor e 66 Look, th e moon , a weaveres s o f wile s 6 Oh mistres s Anguish ! You , th e mus e o f incantations * 73—7 As i f i n a smal l bo x importe d fro m th e Eas t 77-7 In words , i n thei r col d interlacing * 7 What wa s tha t son g abou t an d ha d i t an y words ? 8 Whose strang e an d savag e wil l ha d cas t a spel l o n us * 82-8 Amid th e crowd' s collectiv e breat h 8

, 46 9 0 0 1 2 4 7 8 8 9 9 , 65 7 4 8 8 1 3 3

I N D E X 34 At time s ou r premonitions, a t times ou r recollections * 83—8 Beauty cast s a spell upo n m y lif e 8

7 4 7

CHAPTER3

A light profound , a light endearing * 9 We hadn' t notice d wha t th e dus k wa s u p to * 9 I don't lik e churche s wher e th e architec t (#7 ) 9 You wrot e you r sister , "Wha t a pity!" (#16) * 117-1 "Like a small gir l yo u appeare d i n m y presenc e ungracefull y (#59) * , Embroidery ha s covere d u p (#56)* 119-2 That evenin g was blazin g diml y 120-2 Again w e hav e th e signa l t o depart ! (#60) * 12 You watche d th e littl e boy s a t al l thei r game s (#28) * 12 What d o I care fo r th e scor n o n thos e crue l lips ! (#46) * 12 Again I gaze a t your steepbrowe d profil e (#45 ) 12 All ablaze , th e cloud s fly by (#13) * 13 The crane s hav e flow n southwar d (#43 ) 13 Blindly starin g eye s o f th e (#9) * 13 Probably m y voice i s heartles s (#37 ) 13 You reall y ar e good-looking, shapel y yout h (#53 ) 13 I am the quee n o f hearts . The others , al l thre e (#36 ) 13 How ligh t th e light i s today ! (#11 ) 13 I love yo u i n you r expans e (#24 ) 13 I'll remembe r everything . I n one boundles s momen t (#42) * 135-3

4 5 9 8 . 118-1 9 0 1 2 4 8 9 0 1 1 3 3 4 5 5 6

CHAPTER4 I.

A see d can' t bloo m i n infertil e soi l (#52 ) 14 To blus h fo r poem s tha t yo u wrot e (#82) * 142-4 Oh m y God , I am unworth y o f this ! (#151 ) 14 Can a lynx eve r reall y b e tamed (#138) * 14 Again, jus t like a bird who's wounde d (#140 ) 14 They won' t com e an d it' s reall y n o matte r (#147) * 14 On it s delicat e stal k droop s a flower . . . (#142) * 150-5 Shade fro m th e windmill (#114) * 15 Thus, o n othe r shores , b y anothe r melodiou s se a (#68) * 15 Into th e mos t savag e su n (#115 ) 154—5 How spic y th e ai r (#124 ) 15 Clearly, here , no t al l o f u s ar e sinner s (#113 ) 15 So softl y an d s o wonderfully (#106) * 155-5 No, toda y I do no t wan t yo u (#104) * 15

1 3 4 6 7 9 1 3 4 5 5 5 6 6

348 I N D E

X

Jutting sharp-edge d points , th e moo n (#123 ) 15 Can suc h a midnigh t reall y b e fro m God ? (#144 ) 15 Every evenin g no w I pray (#122) * 15 If yo u shoul d cr y ou t i n you r slee p (#146) * 16 Unsated, salin e soi l ha d eate n int o everythin g (#110 ) 16 The Lor d ha s no t heede d m y yearnin g (#94) * 16 In thos e day s th e first word s (#107 ) 168-6 For lon g I lived i n lov e wit h libert y (#120) * 16 The Lor d ha s mad e not e o f m e to o (#96) * 16 Oh, th e unconquerabl e heavines s (#108) * 17 2.

Hue o f inspiration ! Rose s o f Pieria ! (#61 ) 17 The firs t lyre , poet, wa s mad e b y a goo' s first whims y (#62 ) 17 Once I hear th e son g o f th e Aeolia n lyr e (#38) * 17 The whol e o f m e wa s drun k o n recollection s (#64 ) 17 I dreamed , I' m callin g t o m y dea r companion-lover s {#65) 179-8 "Believe me , someon e i n th e futur e wil l remembe r us " (#66) 18 You sleep , m y companion-lover , jus t lik e (#67) * 180-8 I a m no t tunin g m y hear t fo r th e voluptuou s mod e (#69 ) 18 A bol d challeng e deserve s bu t on e reply , th e spear ! (#70 ) 18 I went int o battl e arme d wit h a deathles s ros e (#71) * 182-8 My homelan d i s th e plac e wher e m y spiri t ros e (#77) * 18 I remember , remembe r th e servic e (#78) * 18 You wer e i n nature' s unconsciou s (#80 ) 18 Your storm y da y i s drawin g t o a clos e (#83 ) 18 Yes, h e onc e fle w u p o n hig h (#97 ) 18 Not spiri t yet , bu t hardl y fles h (#91 ) 18 You cam e i n jus t a s thousand s hav e entere d (#81) * 18 To suddenl y glimps e i n you r other' s hear t (#86 ) 19 "What tim e i s it?" "Th e ma d hour . Com e tak e a look " (#87)* 19 A spide r wov e m y dar k hinged-ico n (#99 ) 190—9 My hear t wil l bur n t o ashe s (#100) * 19

7 7 8 0 1 8 9 9 9 0

8 8 9 9 0 0 1 2 2 3 5 6 7 7 8 8 9 0 0 1 1

CHAPTER 5

Like musi c I love you r sadnes s (#109) * 19 It's no t passion' s be d tha t i s sacre d (#145) * 19 I haven' t die d ye t (#155) * 19 Nobody eve r ha s anythin g t o d o wit h anyon e (#148 ) 19 My life ! My unleavene d chunk ! (#149 ) 19 And suddenl y i t wil l happe n (#159 ) 20 You overstrai n yourself , m y brothe r (#200 ) 20 What di d I give ou r days ? (#160 ) 207-

4 5 7 8 8 6 7 8

I N D E X 34 Pm walkin g somewher e (#154 ) 20 A clou d li t u p fro m inside . (#156) * 20 People treasure-hun t a t midnigh t (#173) * 21 Drowsily a n age d pin e (#178) * 21 Each perso n ha s a winge d hou r (#158 ) 21 I sin g abou t th e kin d o f sprin g (#163) * 211-1 A mare snort s beneat h he r coverin g (#164) * 21 Like th e ratcatcher' s pip e (#165 ) 212-1 Doubly beautifu l th e flower o n it s stal k (#133 ) 21 Whosoever fall s ou t o f lov e wit h th e flesh, cool s t o incarnatio n (#161 ) 21 "I love d you, " " I lov e you, " "I'l l alway s love. " (#204) * 22 And her e we'v e parte d a t th e gate s . . . (#167 ) 22 Cigarette afte r cigarette . (#168) * 22 I'm lik e a patient , fro m hospita l (#174 ) 22 Mumbling behin d th e wal l (#179 ) 22 Always mor e distant , alway s quiete r (#177 ) 22 Your widene d pupi l (#175 ) 22 Slowly-slowly evenin g (#171 ) 226-2 A kind o f barel y perceptibl e sig n (#176 ) 22 Is it mutin y again ? Well , hardl y (#196 ) 22 My earthl y da y i s finishin g (#198) * 22 And here' s a drea m I have (#181 ) 229-3 From ultimat e lonelines s (#192 ) 23 Don't seduc e m e wit h comfor t (#208 ) 23 Softly d o I weep an d sin g (#185) * 230-3 Thank you , m y frien d (#162) * 23 We san k i n a chai r a t twiligh t (#186) * 23 I dreamed : I' m wanderin g i n darknes s (#189 ) 23 I think : Lord , ho w man y year s I'v e slep t throug h (#194 ) 232-3 . . . And suddenly , a t mid-sky , flourish o f lightnin g (#180 ) 23 On autumna l St . Arina's , whe n th e crane s fly (#195 ) 23 Old beneat h a n age d el m tre e (#191) * 23 It wa s a splendi d time ! (#197 ) 23 I gaz e a t th e pile s o f yello w leave s . . . (#193) * 237-3 And a voic e calle d t o yo u i n th e dee p o f th e nigh t (#199 ) 23

9 8 8 0 0 0 2 2 3 6 6 0 1 3 5 5 6 6 7 7 8 9 0 0 0 1 1 2 2 3 3 5 6 6 8 9

CHAPTER6

I won' t li e fo r th e sak e o f a rhym e (#203 ) 24 And we'l l al l g o ou r separat e way s (#188 ) 24 A huge city . Wind . Evening . (#215 ) 24 As a shad e wit h thre e dimensions , brothe r (#217 ) 247-4 Great insult s mak e th e sou l feveris h (#219 ) 24 I follo w fro m afar—forgiv e m e m y distanc e (#221 ) 25

3 3 4 8 9 0

350 I N D E

X

You ar e young , long-limbed ! Wit h suc h (#220) * 254-5 My bloo d an d m y rhyme s hav e a shortage . (#222) * 26 Does winte r reall y hav e thunderstorm s (#223) * 26 My ungloriou s da y i s waning (#224) * 265—66 And truly , on e canno t predic t (#225) * 266-6 They've cu t a hol e throug h (#226) * 26 Chase verse s o f th e nigh t awa y (#227 ) 26 You're comin g in , an d I' m departin g (#228 ) 26

5 3 5 7 7 7 8

CHAPTER 7 No enigm a i s to o subtl e (#232 ) 27 I kno w wh o you'r e ma d for , darling ! (#230) * 27 I, lik e a blin d woman , find m y wa y b y touc h (#233) * 275-7 Your eye s ar e wid e open , you r mout h clampe d shut . (#234) * 2 7 6 - 7 It start s righ t i n wit h chapte r five (#236 ) 277-7 Breeze ou t o f Viavocala ! (#235 ) 27 A head o f silve r grey . An d youthfu l features . (#237) * 27 Well, you'r e no t kind , you'r e no t maliciou s (#238 ) 279-8 Yes, you're greedy , deaf-mut e woma n (#239 ) 28 I live , an d eve n fro m mysel f I hide (#240) * 28 Oh m y love ! My madca p demon ! (#241) * 28 You outsider s se e mor e plainl y (#242) * 282-8 It seem s t o m e togethe r we' d hav e bee n (#243) * 283-8 Ere St . Rddyon-Icebreaker' s (#245) * 28 I see : you'r e gettin g of f th e streetcar—utterl y belove d (#244) * 284-8 Exhausted, wear y unt o deat h (#246) * 28 Through al l tha t I do , tha t I think, o r remembe r (#247) * 28 How ca n I root ou t thi s awfu l tumo r (#248) * 28 When we'r e o n th e fa r sid e o f fort y (#249) * 28 Sun rise s i n smok e an d set s diml y i n smok e (#251 ) 289-9 Don't as k what' s lai d th e poe t lo w (#250) * 29 I'd be g fro m deat h a (#252) * 29 There's n o wa y bac k fo r m e (#253 ) 29 Straight betwee n you r lip s I whisper t o you—ghazal s (#254) * 29 With n o if's , and's , o r but' s whateve r (#256) * 295-9 Give m e your han d an d let' s g o t o ou r sinfu l paradise ! . . . (#255) * 296-9 Night. An d it' s snowin g (#257) * 29 It stil l hasn' t go t an y cares , it' s stil l youn g a t hear t (#258) * 29 I'm miserable , th e wa y beast s ar e (#259 ) 29 Remember th e narrowis h corrido r (#260) * 299-30 "Come wha t may, " yo u wrote , "w e shal l b e happ y . . . " (#261) * 3 0 3 Upon you r gre y head * 30

4 5 6 7 8 8 9 0 0 1 2 3 4 4 5 6 8 8 9 0 0 1 4 5 6 7 7 8 9 0 4 6

Index

Akhmatova, Anna , 63 , 93 , 139 , 167 , 192, 19 5 Albrecht, Iraida , 95-96, 9 8 - 9 9 , 106 , 108, 110 , 122 , 13 7 Alexander III , 16-1 8 Amazons, 102 , 114 , 123 , 154 , 170 ; "Penthesilea," 177 , 182-83 , 33 0 n . 77 Andersen, Han s Christian , 6 8 Annensky, Innokenty , 5 , 19 9 Arnim, Bettin a Brentano , 102 , 106 , 122-24 Baranovich, Marina , 25 4 Baratynsky, Eugene , 32 , 27 6 Barbusse, Henri , 23 5 Barney, Natali e Clifford , 94 , 114 , 174 , 179 Baudelaire, Charles , 24 , 6 7 - 6 8 , 114 , 177 Bely, Andrey, 73 , 9 8 - 9 9 Blok, Alexander , 23 , 63 , 67, 7 3 Bryusov, Valery , 82 , 150 , 167 , 32 3 n . 34, 335 n . 4 Butkova, Eugenia , 162 , 16 6 Chatskina, Sophia , 63 , 67, 86 , 97 , 112, 139 , 15 0 Chekhov, Anton , 4 , 8 , 1 9

Dostoevsky, Fyodor , 2 , 85 , 129 , 145 , 172, 236 , 243 , 265 , 33 1 n . 8 2 Efron, Ariadne , 104 , 113 , 125-26 , 144 Efron, Liza , 110 , 1 2 0 - 2 1 , 126-27 , 324 n . 54 , 32 5 n . 7 4 Efron, Natalya , 268-6 9 Efron, Sergey , 104 , 125 , 129 , 132-34 , 180 Efros, Abram , 19 2 Erarskaya, Lyudmila , 11 , 141-42 ; health, 151 , 164 , 193 ; mental break down, 200-204 , 209 , 213 ; an d Par nok, 147 , 152-53 , 158-59 , 160 , 162, 233 , 235, 261, 3 0 6 - 7, 3 0 9 10; personality , 146 ; an d Tsuber biller, 20 9 False Dmitri , 124 , 32 6 n . 8 4 Fedorchenko, Sophia , 208 , 233—3 4 Gautier, Theophile , 8 7 Geltser, Yekaterina , 4 4 - 4 5 Gertsyk, Adelaida , 1 0 1 - 3 , 137 , 155 , 157, 162 , 204 , 221 , 239, 252 , 333 n . 4 7 Gertsyk, Eugenia , 11 , 101, 110, 1 4 7 48, 152 , 171-72 , 192-94 , 2 0 0 - 2 0 1 , 351

352. I N D E

X

Gertsyk, Eugeni a (Continued) 203, 209 , 217 , 221 , 225, 246, 250 , 310; creativ e meanin g fo r Parnok , 173, 185 , 189 ; faith , 154 ; lov e fo r sister, 102 ; Suda k years , 161 , 18 5 Giraudoux, Jean , 20 0 Gnesin, Mikhail , 4 6 - 4 8 , 5 1 , 5 3 - 5 4, 61-62, 70 , 79-80 , 87 , 96 , 100 , 14 8 Gogol, Nikolai , 67, 15 9 Gorky, Maxim , 16 2 Gornung, Lev , 193 ; friendship wit h Parnok, 195-96 , 199 , 246-47, 254 , 260-63, 268 , 287 , 298 , 300 , 3 0 8 10, 331-3 2 n . 1 3 Guenderode, Karoline , 102 , 12 2 Gumilyov, Nikolai , 19 5 Gurevich, Lyubov , 11 , 62; friendshi p with Parnok , 67-69, 7 1 - 7 3 , 75, 81 , 84-89, 9 1 - 9 4 , 9 6 - 9 7 , 122 , 200, 229, 30 9 Hall, Radclyffe , 9 4 Holliday, Sophia , 143 , 336 n . 2 4 Ivanov, Vyacheslav , 47 , 63 , 73, 101, 176, 263 , 32 5 n . 77 , 33 6 n . 4 4 Kerensky, Alexander , 14 9 Khodasevich, Vladislav , 5 , 137 , 1 4 5 46, 167 , 176 , 19 3 Klyuev, Nikolai , 9 3 Kudashova, Maya , 102 , 252-54, 2 6 1 62, 32 5 n . 77 , 335-3 6 n . 2 1 Kuzmin, Mikhail , 63 , 139-40 , 22 3 Lenin, Vladimir , 160 , 162-6 3 Lermontov, Mikhail , 34 , 31 9 n . 4 4 Lipskerov, Konstantin , 99 , 134 , 137 , 147, 15 2 Lokhvitskaya, Mirra , 174 , 32 9 n . 6 3 Louys, Pierre , 177 , 183 , 330 n . 7 8 Mahler, Gustav , 2 7 2 - 7 3 Maksakova, Maria , 251 , 259, 262 ,

264, 268 , 275 , 33 7 n . 4 7 Mandelshtam, Alexander , 126-27 , 196 Mandelshtam, Osip , 126 , 140 , 142 , 144-45, 151 , 196-97, 32 7 n . 1 2 Mayakovsky, Vladimir , 16 5 Mirolyubov, Viktor , 5 5 - 5 6 Mniszek, Marina , 124-25 , 32 6 n . 8 4 Nicholas II , 17-18 , 5 3 Nikitina, Eudoxia , 165 , 172 , 193 , 200 , 204-5 Obolenskaya, Yulia , 110 , 116 , 12 1 Parnakh, Valentin , 18 , 62 , 7 4 - 7 5 , 237, 298 ; childhoo d of , 18 , 20 , 314 n . 16 ; experienc e o f anti-Semit ism, 18 , 4 1, 100 , 171 ; falling-ou t with sister , 128-29 , 220 ; musica l tastes, 171-72 ; Russophobia , 2 1 22, 4 1 , 100 , 109 , 127 ; Simoom, 172; tri p t o Palestine , 100 , 10 9 Parnok, Sophia , 1-3 ; adolescen t lov e affairs, 27 , 3 3 - 3 6 , 39 , 40 , 45 ; alle gory i n vers e of , 3 5 - 3 7 , 4 9 - 5 0 , 52 , 59, 66, 284 ; Almast, 152-53 , 1 5 8 60, 164 , 228 , 237 , 247 , 249-52 , 256-60; arres t an d imprisonment , 162; attitude s t o death , 74 , 7 7 - 7 8 , 81, 89-92 , 131-32 , 135-37 , 149 , 163, 190-91 , 2 0 4 - 5 , 213, 228-29 , 2 3 0 - 3 1 , 234-36 , 238-39 , 264 , 267 , 281-82, 291 , 294, 296 , 299 , 32 1 n . 2; attitude s t o Jews, 4 1 - 4 2 , 68 , 168-69, 31 8 n . 26 ; birt h of , 16 ; Bratovshchina poems , 225—27 ; an d brother (Valentin) , 4 1 , 67, 100 , 109 , 128-29, 172 , 196 , 207 , 220 , 2 3 7 38, 248 ; censorshi p of , 170 , 1 9 2 93, 197 , 204, 2 1 7 - 1 8 , 2 2 1 - 2 3 , 233, 241-42, 245 ; childhood of , 2 0 - 2 2 ; creative struggl e of , 4 - 9 , 11 , 24, 43, 53-54, 5 7 - 5 8 , 6 8 - 6 9 , 72 , 76 , 78,

I N D E X 35 84-85, 148-49 , 170 , 177 , 184 , 206 , 210, 243-44 , 255-56, 263-64 , 267 , 280; critica l writing s by , 9 2 - 9 4 , 98-99, 192-93 , 197-98 , see also Polyanin, Andre y (Parnok' s pseud onym); deat h an d funera l of , 3 0 5 10; divorce , 70 , 74-76 , 80 ; dream s in th e wor k of , 52 , 84-86 , 94 , 1 7 9 80, 185 , 187 , 2 0 8 - 9, 211-12 , 2 1 7 18, 2 2 3 - 2 5 , 227 , 229-30 , 232 , 235 , 238-39, 249 , 252 , 277 ; earl y vers e (1905-12) of , 4 9 - 5 2 , 54 , 5 6 - 5 9 , 66-67, 73 , 78, 82-84 , 87 , 9 4 - 9 5 ; education, 2 2 - 2 3 , 29 , 42 , 63 , 68, 72; an d Serge y Efron , 116 , 125 , 133-34, 32 6 n . 84 ; emotional break down, 192 , 200-202, 3 0 2 - 3 ; an d Erarskaya, 141 , 143-44, 148 , 150 , 152-53, 157-60 , 164 , 193 , 2 0 1 - 3, 209, 235 ; an d fathe r (Yako v Par nokh), 20 , 32 , 3 7 - 3 8 , 45 , 5 4 - 5 6 , 60, 89-90 , 92 , 113 , 155 , 186-87 , 244, 305 , 315-1 6 n . 28 ; an d E . Ger tsyk, 148 , 154-56 , 185 , 192 ; god desses i n th e lif e an d wor k of , 10 , 143, 177-78 , 183-84 , 211 , 217, 223, 226 , 33 3 n . 38 ; Grave' s dis ease, 57 , 67 , 84 , 135 , 140 , 231, 236, 298 ; an d Gurevich , 62 , 6 8 - 6 9 , 72, 75 , 79 , 81 , 84-86, 88 , 91, 94, 96, 98 , 229 ; gyps y poems , 147 , 162 , 214, 216-17 , 275 , 325-26 n . 80 , 333 n . 37 ; Half-voiced, 207 , 212 , 224-25, 231 , 238-40, 242 , 247 , 252; homecomin g of , 54 , 154 , 172 , 185, 208 , 2 2 3 - 2 5 ; internalize d ho mophobia of , 9 , 222 , 287 ; invalid ism of , 57 , 67, 72, 76-77, 80 , 92 , 148, 156 , 163 , 166 , 188-90 , 192 , 198-99, 213 , 223, 228-29, 2 3 4 - 3 5 , 246-47, 259 , 271, 2 9 8 - 3 0 1; juvenilia of , 2 3 - 3 3 , 3 5 - 4 3 , 48, 50, 58 , 66; an d Khodasevich , 145 ; an d Th e Knot, 209 , 213-14 , 219 , 221 , 223,

3

229, 233 , 238 , 247 ; lac k o f ambi tion, 37 , 40 , 61 , 66, 69, 136 ; an d lesbianism, 5-6, 8-9 , 2 4 - 2 6 , 32 , 34, 38 , 43 , 49, 5 8 - 6 0 , 64 , 66, 78 , 80, 95, 99 , 112 , 118 , 120 , 137 , 170 , 177-78, 180 , 183-84 , 198 , 222, 245, 255 , 33 1 n . 81 , 3 3 3 - 34 n . 49 ; life an d fat e a s a poet , 9 , 96 , 1 3 6 37, 1 7 0 - 7 1 , 184 , 186-88 , 198-99 , 2 0 6 - 8 , 215-16 , 230-32 , 243-44 , 249, 2 6 3 - 6 8 , 279 , 297 ; marriag e of , 37, 6 1 - 6 2 , 6 4 - 6 5 , 7 0 - 7 1 , 73 , 106 , 247; an d mothe r (Alexandr a Par nokh), 20 , 117-18 , 31 7 n . 4 ; musi c in lif e an d wor k of , 2 8 - 2 9 , 42 , 45, 52, 74 , 132 , 172 , 186 , 189 , 191-92 , 198-99, 208-10 , 212 , 2 1 4 - 1 7, 262 , 268-69, 2 7 2 - 7 3 , 2 8 2 - 8 3, 332 n . 27; an d Music, 2 1 4 - 1 8 ; natur e lyr ics of , 57 , 67 , 77 , 2 2 3 - 2 5 , 227 ; no vella by , 73 , 9 6 - 9 7; oper a librett i by, 96 , 98 , 127 , 148 , 153 , 264, see also Parnok , Sophia , Almast; partici pation i n poetr y circles , 193 , 195— 96, 198-99 , 218 ; poems t o Erar skaya, 144 , 146 , 1 5 0 - 5 1 , 153 , 1 5 7 58, 160 , 190 , 214 , 225 ; poem s t o Maksakova, 265 , 268 , 275 , 33 7 n . 47; poem s t o Polyakova , 35—36 , 39, 58, 31 6 n . 30 , 31 9 n . 34 ; poem s t o Tsuberbiller, 194 , 211-12 , 226 , 231, 239-40 ; poem s t o Tsvetaeva , 112, 1 1 8 - 2 1 , 123-24, 129-32 , 137 , 141-43, 2 5 4 - 5 5 , 33 0 n . 74 ; Poems, 134, 136-38 , 151 ; pseudonyms of , 55-56, 92 ; religiou s poetr y of , 31 , 99, 113 , 135 , 168-69 , 191 , 2 2 122; an d revolution(s) , 5 1 , 149-50 , 167-68, 236 , 244 ; an d Romai n Rol land, 252-54 , 2 6 1 - 6 2 ; Roses of Pieria, 172-73 , 177-84 ; an d Russia / Russophilism, 4 0 - 4 1 , 46 , 5 1 , 91, 93, 109 , 132 , 135 , 149-50 , 163 , 167, 2 0 8 - 9 ; an d Russian Talk, 8 6 -

354 I N D E

X

Parnok, Sophia , (Continued) 87, 9 0 - 9 3 , 97 ; an d self-censorship , 92, 148 , 222 , 287 ; "seraphi c eros " in poetr y of , 211 , 213, 2 2 6 - 2 7; sex ual lov e i n lif e an d poem s of , 3 8 40, 43 , 45, 52, 5 8 - 5 9 , 6 4 - 6 5 , 7 1, 78, 80 , 8 2 - 8 5 , 95 , 156 , 189 , 195 , 219-20, 265 , 267, 274 , 287-89 , 315-16 n . 28 ; spiritua l searching s of, 90 , 99 , 103 , 113 , 128 , 148 , 154-56, 167 , 169 , 191 , 2 1 0 - 1 1 , 223-24, 236 , 2 3 9 - 4 0 ; Suda k i n lif e and poetr y of , 154-55 , 159 , 161 , 173, 184-85 , 187 , 204 ; suicida l thoughts of , 34 , 267 , 273 , 282, 296 , 3 0 4 - 5 ; translatin g activit y of , 54 , 67, 196 , 200 , 2 0 4 - 5 , 229 , 235 , 246 , 252, 261 , 320 n . 47 ; travel s abroa d of, 45 , 5 1, 52, 9 8 - 9 9 ; an d Tsuber biller, 194-95 , 203 , 205, 209 , 214 , 231, 242 , 2 5 7 - 5 8 , 260-62 , 271 , 287-88, 2 9 0 - 9 1 ; an d Tsvetaeva , 103-4, 106-8 , 110-12 , 116 , 119 , 122, 125 , 129 , 132-34 , 139 , 1 4 3 44, 213 , 2 5 4 - 5 5, 33 6 n . 24 ; "Urs a Major," 1 0 - 1 1 , 270 , 274 ; "Useles s Goods," 270 , 274 , 280 , 295 ; an d Vedeneyeva, 272 , 2 7 4 - 7 5 , 277 , 279 , 281, 284-86 , 2 9 1 - 9 5 , 300 , 3 0 2 - 3 , 3 0 5 - 6 ; Vedeneyev a poem s (cycles) , 270, 272-74, 2 7 6 - 9 1 , 294-99 , 303-4, 306 ; an d view s o n creativity , 47, 52 , 75 , 8 4 - 8 5 , 148 , 167 , 1 9 3 94, 198 , 2 0 5 - 7, 2 1 0 - 1 1 , 243 , 250, 263-64, 266 , 280 ; The Vine, 1 6 7 68, 171 , 173, 184-92 ; an d Volken shtein, 4 7 - 4 9 , 61 , 65-66, 70 , 74 , 76 Parnokh, Alexandra , 16 , 20—21 Parnokh, Sophia . See Parnok , Sophi a Parnokh, Yakov , 16 , 18 , 2 1, 37, 55, 60, 89-90 , 9 2 Parnokh, Yelizaveta . See Tarakhov skaya, Yelizavet a Parnok h

Pasternak, Boris , 197-98 , 213 , 2 1 8 19, 30 9 Pavlova, Karolina , 5 , 206 , 304 , 33 2 n . 26 Plekhanov, Georgy , 5 1 - 5 2 Polyakova, Nadezhda , 11 , 35; an d Par nok, 36 , 5 3 - 5 4 , 58 , 6 0 - 6 1 , 70 , 74 , 87; rol e a s muse-lover , 43 , 59—60; and Vedeneyev a poems , 272 , 28 0 Polyakova, Sophia , 2 , 6 Polyanin, Andre y (Parnok' s pseud onym), 9 2 - 9 3 , 9 8 - 9 9, 132 , 144-45 , 150, 167 , 17 0 Proust, Marcel , 22 9 Pushkin, Alexander , 32 , 45 , 139 , 274 , 281, 33 9 n . 1 4 Ranevskaya, Faina , 268-69 , 298 , 300 , 337-38 n . 4 9 Remizov, Alexey , 13 2 Rimsky-Korsakov, Andrey , 112 , 13 6 Rolland, Romain , 252-54 , 261-6 2 Sackville-West, Vita , 11 6 Sadovskoy, Boris , 86-87 , 9 1 - 9 2 , 321 n . 2 Saker, Yakov , 63 , 97 , 112 , 139 , 15 0 Sappho o f Lesbos , 118 ; an d Parnok , 119, 138 , 154 , 173 , 177-78 , 180 , 255-56, 32 4 n . 52 ; i n Roses of Pieria, 1 7 8 - 8 1 ; i n Russia n poetry , 118-19, 173-77 , 33 0 n . 7 2 Seluc-Rasnatowskaya, 28—2 9 Severyanin, Igor , 9 3 Shteinberg, Maximilian , 96-98; Abductress of the Heart, 127 , 148 ; Almast, 249-52 , 254 , 256-5 9 Silver Age , 5 ; an d anti-Semitism , 18 , 41; an d attitude s t o lesbianism , 8 , 24, 26 , 138 , 175-77 ; decadenc e an d symbolism, 7 , 23 , 25, 47, 53 , 174 ; emergence o f wome n poets , 5 , 174 — 77; Parnok' s memorie s of , 263 ; per ception o f Sappho , 138 , 174-7 7

I N D E X 35 Sologub, Fyodor , 63 , 16 7 Solovyov, Vladimir , 17 4 Solovyova, Polixena , 32 9 n . 6 2 Spendiarov, Alexander , 152 , 162 , 165 ; and Almost, 152-53 , 158-60 , 164 , 228, 237 , 247 , 252 , 257 ; arres t an d imprisonment, 163 ; death, 24 7 Spendiarova, Marina , 162 , 164 , 25 9 Spendiarova, Varvara , 252 , 257 , 25 9 Stalin, Yosef , 241 , 258, 27 7 Struve, Peter , 8 1 - 8 2 , 93 , 13 6 Taganrog, 15 ; cultural lif e in , 19 ; econ omy of , 17 ; Jews in , 18 ; an d Par nakh, 171 ; and Parnok , 31 , 55, 6 1 Tarakhovskaya, Yelizavet a Parnokh , 21, 62 , 7 4 - 7 5 , 100 , 112-13 , 1 2 5 27, 172 , 224 , 235 , 32 3 n . 4 2 Tarnovsky, Dr . Ippolit , 2 6 Tolstoy, Lev , 6 7 Tsuberbiller, Olga , 194 ; lif e wit h Par nok, 2 0 1 - 2 , 213 , 231, 233-34, 246 , 249-50, 257 , 263 , 271, 278, 285, 287, 293 , 297, 301 , 305-10; sick nesses, 204, 246 , 26 0 Tsvetaeva, Anastasia , 102 , 125-2 7 Tsvetaeva, Marina , 3 , 11 , 102, 1 1 9 20, 124-26 , 131-32 , 137 , 139-40 , 142, 242 , 282 ; bisexualit y an d lesbi anism of , 105 , 112 , 115 , 322 nn . 31, 32 ; break-up wit h Parnok , 1 4 2 44; desir e fo r chil d fro m Parnok , 114-15, 211 ; efforts fo r Crimea n writers, 164 ; feeling s fo r Parnok , 107-8, 110 , 117 , 129-30 , 133-34 , 136, 164 , 218 , 32 2 n . 32 ; "Lettr e a l'Amazone," 114-15 , 32 4 n . 52 ; "Girlfriend" poems , 103-9 , 111 , 113-14, 116-17 , 122-23 , 142 , 219-20, 32 3 n . 4 0

5

Tumanian, Hovaness , 15 2 Tyutchev, Fyodor , 32 , 292 , 30 4 Vazlinsky, Mikhail , 183-8 4 Vedeneyeva, Nina , 11 , 270-72, 275 , 280, 285 , 287 , 290 , 297 , 302 , 306 , 308-10; lov e affai r wit h Parnok , 271, 274 , 278-79 , 286 , 291-92 , 294-95, 300 , 303 , 30 5 Veisberg, Yulia , 5 1 , 90, 96 , 112 , 1 4 8 49, 230 , 264 , 33 7 n . 4 7 Veresayev, Vikenty , 176-7 7 Verlaine, Paul , 24 , 17 7 Vivien, Renee , 174 , 17 9 Volkenshtein, Vladimir , 4 6 - 4 9 , 5 1 56, 6 0 - 6 1 , 63 , 67, 7 0 - 7 2 , 74 , 76 , 106, 147 , 172 , 243 , 247, 30 9 Voloshin, Maximilian , 63 , 125 , 137 , 150-51, 163-67 , 171 , 173, 193, 218, 224 , 30 0 Voloshina, Yelen a (Pra) , 110 , 116 , 121, 125-27 , 19 3 Weininger, Otto , 175-7 6 Welcker, Johan n G. , 175-7 7 Wilamowitz-Moellendorff, Ulrich , 175-76 Woolf, Virginia , 11 6 Yesenin, Sergey , 3 0 4 - 5 Yurgenson, Irina , 199 , 308 , 32 9 n . 5 2 Zaitsev, Pyotr , 19 5 Zhukovsky, Dmitri , 10 2 Zinovyeva-Annibal, Lydia , 47 , 31 7 n . 8 Zvyagintseva, Vera , 242 , 246 , 250 , 298, 33 5 n . 1