Re-create Your Life : Transforming Yourself and Your World With the Decision Maker Process [1 ed.] 0836221672, 9780836221671

Citation preview

RE-CREATE

OUR LIFE Transforming Yourself and Your World with the Decision Maker Process

MORTY LEFKOE FOUNDER OF THE DECISION MAKER"

INSTITUTE

$22. 95 U.S.A. ($31 .95

B^

Canada)

Your Life describes a

e-c recite

process that enables people to

quickly and permanently solve

most of their emotional and behavioral

problems by eradicating the

beliefs

that cause them.

Morty Lefkoe describes how he created the Decision Maker" Process,

how

it

works, how

is

it

psychotherapy, and

its

different

from

profound philo-

sophical and spiritual implications.

how

explains

it

He

has helped over 1,000

people to totally eliminate such problems as eating disorders, depression, anxiety, hostility,

and the

feelings. 1

inability to express

he principles underlying the

Decision Maker" Process have been used with over 10,000 employees in thirty different companies to

changes

in their

make fundamental

corporate cultures and

workers behavior. Re-create }our Life presents a new theory about the nature of sciousness, creation,

human

and change

con-

that

has important implications for our psychological well-being, organizational effectiveness, parenting, crime

and

violence prevention, drug and alcohol rehabilitation, health care,

and most of

the institutions of society. Unlike most theories about this

human

nature, however,

one includes a very practical

(Continued on back flap)

Re-create You r Life

Digitized by the Internet Archive in

2016 with funding from

Kahle/Austin Foundation

https://archive.org/details/recreateyourlife00lefk_0

Re-create Your Life Transforming Yourself

and Your World with the Decision Maker Process®

Morty Lefkoe

Andrews and McMeel A

Universal Press Syndicate

Kansas City

Company

Re-create Your Life: Transforming Yourself ami

Your World with the Decision Maker® Process copyright

©

No

All rights reserved. Printed in U.S.A.

reproduced

in

Morty

1997 by

Lefkoe.

part of this

book may be used or

any manner whatsoever without written permission except

in the

case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information, write

Andrews and McMeel,

a Universal Press Syndicate

Company,

4520 Main Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64111.

Library

Of Congress

Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Morty

Lefkoe,

Re-create your

life

transforming yourself and your world

:

with the decision maker® process

1.

Decision-making.

2.

(p.

and index. ISBN 0-8362-2167-2 (hardcover)

)

Problem

solving.

BF448.L44 153-83

3.

Change (Psychology)

4.

by Morty Lefkoe.

cm.

p.

Includes bibliographical references

/

I.

Thought and thinking. Title.

1997

—dc20

96-43406

CIP

Lyrics

from “Pick Yourself Up” used by permission. Written by Dorothy

Jerome Kern, copyright

©

1936

PolyGram International Publishing,

Fields

Inc.

and

(and as

designated by co-publisher). Copyright renewed. All rights reserved.

Excerpt from “Nuclear Language and

How We

Learned to Pat the

Carol Cohn, as appeared in SIGNS: The Journal of Women

used by permission. Copyright

Author’s note:

Many

©

1987

in

Bomb” by

Culture and Society

The University of Chicago.

of the names and identifying circumstances of the people in this

book have been changed

to protect individuals’ privacy.

Attention: Schools

Andrews and McMeel books

and

Businesses

are available at quantity discounts with bulk

purchase for educational, business, or For information, please write

Andrews and McMeel, 4520 Main

to:

sales

promotional

use.

Special Sales Department,

Street,

Kansas City, Missouri

64111.

To Shelly

my best Thank you

friend, partner,

for the difference

and

wife.

you make

in

my

life daily.

To Blake and Brittany the

two

my Thank you

for

girls

who

proudest

have given

title:

me

Daddy.

your daily lessons on

life

and

for

your

love.

Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Prologue

My Personal

Journey

I

One The Decision Maker® Part

Difference

One Is

Profound Change Possible? II

Two Principles of the

DM Technology

3i

Three

What’s Holding You Back? 4i

Part

Two

The Decision Maker® Process

in

Action

Four

How the DM

Process

Works

55

Five

Using the

DM

Process in Daily Life

67

Contents

vm Six

Case History Diane: Conquering Bulimia 79

Seven

Case History Barry:

A Transformed

Criminal

97

Eight

Case History Frank: Transcending AIDS 117

Part Three

Re-creating

Our World

Nine Raising

Empowered Children 133

Ten

Organizations That Thrive on Change 157

Eleven

Making Society Work 189

Epilogue

Unlimited

Possibilities

207

Notes 213

Recommended Reading 237

Acknowledgments

Almost one thousand private clients— thanks for your trust and for lowing me and the other Decision Maker* facilitators to work with

al-

you,

because without you there wouldn’t be a Decision Maker® Process. What I ve learned about it since I initially created it has been through our work with you.

My many friends, Jane O’Leary, Jeanne and Dan

Fauci,

David Ferber,

Sam Mink, Ruth Bonomo, Arlene Lefkoe, Lynda and StuDiz and Sam Gutner, Margaret Hiatt, Jamie and Glenn

Sherrylee and art

Brodsky,

Forbes, Joyce Cohen, Lucie

and Mark Scanlon, Elissa and Bryan Russo, David and Debbie Howland-Murray (who designed a brilliant logo for the Decision Maker* Institute), Marcia Bandes, Tom Edwards, and

many

others too

numerous

to

mention by

name— thanks

for

your support

over the years, both financial and moral. I especially thank those of you who read early versions of this book and gave me valuable feedback. Dr. Larry Dossey, a modern-day Renaissance man and friend thanks for being the first person to help me realize that I could never present

—

the

scope of the Decision Maker Technology in articles and for repeatedly encouraging me to introduce my ideas in a book. Elizabeth Campbell, a teacher at the California Institute for full

Integral

Studies where

I

was registered

thanks for urging Process that

me

Ph.D. program a few years ago— to turn the paper describing the Decision Maker® in a

submitted to you as an assignment into a book and for your excellent suggestions as you read the early chapters. I

Ron Bandes— thanks

for preparing a videotape that vividly

nicated the exciting results of my prison research and for your sightful

comments

as

commumany in-

you read the innumerable drafts of this book.

Acknowledgments x

Sarah Engel

my book

— thanks

so readers

way

for suggesting a

would

to revise the structure of

from the beginning that

realize

I

was pre-

senting a revolutionary technology for change in every area of life rather

than a self-help technique useful only for individuals. All

pany

my

& Associates,

associates at Lefkoe

Maker

to the Decision

cover and implement the

first

Institute

predecessor com-

Inc., the

— thanks

for helping

me

to dis-

application of the Decision Maker" Process

to organizations.

Werner Erhard

me

assisting

— thanks

to shift

my

for

life

my

from

first

exposure to transformation, for

a focus

on “what’s

in

me”

for

it

to a

focus on contributing to others, and for the immeasurable difference you

have

made

of hundreds of thousands of people through the

in the lives

est training

and the Hunger

Project.

—

man could have thanks treating me like your son, and

Hilda and Jack Fogel, the best in-laws a

welcoming me

into your family, for

your constant love and confidence

Mom,

edge you, that

it is

life. I

late

love

—even when you

Maker"

I

especially

want

Maker" Process

to

to

for

acknowl-

demonstrate

are in your seventies

—

to trans-

you both very much.

Letha Edwards, the as a Decision

me.

for using the Decision

never too

form your

in

for

first

my wife who was trained for being my partner and sec-

person other than

facilitator

— thanks

ond-best friend and for your unwavering love and support. Chris Schillig, the ideas

my editor

wanted

I

for

it

translate

your

initial

enthusiasm about

me what was good and what and for advising me what was

my

manuscript,

to reach the widest possible audience.

Catherine Whitney

me

for

to express, for telling

wasn’t so good about

needed

— thanks

— thanks

some complex

for

doing a magnificent job

ideas into readable prose.

transform a manuscript that read

like a

— thanks

for

helping

You helped me

textbook into a page turner.

Cynthia Borg, Director of Publicity and Promotion

McMeel

in

at

Andrews and

support “above and beyond” and for being

my “ad-

vocate.”

Mauna

Eichner,

who

designed the book cover and jacket

— thanks

for

Acknowledgt uents xi

capturing the essence of my message in a highly imaginative and unique visual image.

Janet Baker

— thanks

Jane Dystel and Charles Myer,

my vision, and my manuscript

my two

my life, tor being the reason

for being sions,”

and

daughters feel

I

for being the incredible

selves to be.

I

am

so proud of you

my wife,

confidence in is

human I

best friend, soul mate,

me down, needed

I

for the joy

to

I

Mommy and

I

hurts,

it

are in “ses-

beings you have created your-

all

and partner

— thanks

for lov-

the hard times, and for your

contribute to the

never could have done what a

you bring

love every day that

life

fortunate enough to meet you, especially the parents

without you. You have made

you.

me,

could burst.

me and my vision. You

your workshops.

am

me what

— thanks

much

so

ing and supporting me, for enduring

who

for believing in

had turned

for teaching

understanding about the time that

and

Shelly,

— thanks

the publishing business.

Blake and Brittany, to

my agents

after other agents

for finding the right publisher,

know about

amazing job of copyediting.

for a truly

I

did or

profound difference

of everyone

who

attend

become what

in

my life.

I

I

love

Re-create Your Life

,

Prologue

My Personal The

significant

same

level

Journey

problems we have cannot be solved

of thinking

we were

when we

at

at the

created them.

— Albert Einstein

JDefore the age of thirty-eight, of

money and becoming

would have been having

a

my main

was making

lots

executive. Success for

me

interest in life

famous business

bank and

several million dollars in the

my pic-

on the cover of Fortune magazine. This goal led me to become a management consultant and writer. As a consultant helped organizature

I

tions develop effective

wrote more than a

communications and marketing programs. also hundred freelance articles about business and govI

ernment

for publications like Fortune the Wall Street Journal,

Business,

and

I

Nations

Barron’s.

was very logical and rational and was generally out of touch with

feelings.

I

would have described myself

as very practical

and not

my

at all

spiritual. I

was driven

deep down that

I

I

in

my work and

motivated by

my

goals for success. But

was confused and unhappy. As the years went

was depressed much of the time. Eventually,

and group psychotherapy, which helped

me

to

1

tried

by,

I

found

both private

cope better with

my day-

to-day existence. But neither was able to eliminate the negative sense

had about myself and

my life.

1

I

Re-create Your Life 2

The Start of My Transformation At the age of thirty-eight

took the

I

immediate and fundamental

shift in

est training

my

life. I

and experienced an

was no longer obsessed

with impressing others and achieving wealth and fame. shifted to contributing to others.

Shortly after

completed the

I

me

organization offered

a

1

est training in

a half years,

I

and moved back

left

to assist at est, leading almost

sand or so

est

My last Project

New York City in

many special to

(THP), which

I

is

devoted to ending world hunger.

worked with Werner

tematically about

THP

how

ence.

and what

to use ideas to

it

about 35,000

Document that

would take

to eliminate

my first attempt to think sys-

make

radical global change.

earlier.

I

More

— something

I

was exhilarated by the

could contribute to that change.

I

I

returned to consulting, but

was no longer the same person I

to

was seeing that such change was possible

After leaving est I

THP

assisted in the

I

in writing the Source

never would have imagined a few years

ing.

continued

I

twenty different seminars for three thou-

death by starvation on the planet. This was

idea that

two

was helping Werner Erhard create the Hunger

spelled out the principles of

I

projects. After

New York, where

production of the original events that introduced

and more,

the

I

graduates and assisting in about twenty trainings.

project at est

people. Later,

1975, the

managed

job in San Francisco, where

Public Information Office and handled

and

My commitment

had begun

a personal path to

I

it

was not

had been before

at all satisfy-

my

est experi-

understand myself, to become more

some way of making a real difference in organizations and in the world. could no longer get excited about giving companies advice on how to communicate or market more effectively. “spiritual,”

and

to find

I

I

was

also frustrated

methods.

I

retained

me and

through.

I

large,

and

by the

results of

my

conventional consulting

noticed with increasing frequency that organizations, having

agreed with

my

suggestions, often failed to follow

checked with a number of other consulting firms, small and all

of them agreed that unless they held the

client’s

hand and

My Personal Journey 3

walked them through

recommendation,

a specific

plemented. This baffled me.

Why would

an organization pay to get ad-

vice, agree

with the advice, and then do nothing?

As

this curious situation,

pondered

I

do what made good sense was zations.

I

realized that this inability to

also true for individuals, not just organi-

How often did people read a book or get advice to do something

and decide

to

pursue

around

to

doing

get

usually wasn’t im-

it

it

it?

more or

(like exercising

Conversely,

activities or relationships

how often

dieting), but then never

did people get involved in

they knew were wrong for them?

Why Do We Do What We Do? out on an intellectual quest to understand the source of individual and organizational behavior. I read extensively on subjects ranging from the nature of human consciousness to organizational transforI

set

mation

to leading-edge science.

cluded that what people did, their beliefs:

I

took

many workshops.

In time,

I

con-

and experienced was determined by about themselves, other people, and life itself— a realization felt,

many others, including Buddhists, have had for centuries. came to understand why people and organizations did what they did and why it that

I

was hard to

—

for

if they

at the core step.

I

still

them

to

change their behavior

hadn't first changed their

beliefs.

— even when they wanted

But knowing that beliefs were

of individual and organizational behavior was only the

had

how

to discover

to change those beliefs.

Finding the solution became tally altering the

nature of

ganizations advice on didn’t use anyway,

I

my sole focus.

my consulting

how

I

began

my search

by

to-

practice. Instead of giving or-

to solve problems,

started to consider

ganizations to solve their

first

what

own problems by

it

which they frequently would take

to assist or-

helping them change their

beliefs.

Around that time, a friend of mine, Terry Shull, who had worked at AT&T, suggested that we create a workshop for service technicians employed by local companies that had just

split off

from AT&T.

If

we could

Re-create Your Life 4

way

find a

to help service technicians provide the higher level of service

were demanding, Terry said, we ought to get a

that customers ness.

was

It

clear that the conventional

technicians what to do,

improvement

the dramatic

could

how to do

and why to do

was needed.

that

way they defined

shift the

it,

their job

cians” to being “customer satisfiers” sential level I

On

— so they

a

of busi-

telling service

would not produce

it

the other hand,

— from being

purpose was to make customers happy,

if

we

“service techni-

really believed their es-

dramatic increase in the

of service was possible. created a

workshop designed

and then

differently

set

sales.

During

What would and do

that period

I

it.

For almost a year

I

called, wrote,

kept getting expressions of interest but

I

was

consumed by another

also

take to change beliefs permanently?

question:

continued to read

I

a lot of thinking.

While keting

it

to help people experience their jobs

out to market

and met with many companies.

no

approach of merely

lot

I

was trying

to

my new workshop,

market

I

had stopped mar-

my “advice-giving” consulting services. After six months,

desperate financial

to organizations, because

though

it

might

But

straits. it

made

be,

In January 1985,

I

California to Carter

I

didn’t

want

had become

little

I

was

in

to

go back to giving advice

clear to

me that the advice, good

difference to the client.

had the opportunity

to

make

a presentation in

Hawley Hale (CHH), the department

store chain.

company a grant of several million dollars to take 1,500 people who were on unemployment or welfare and train them in the retail profession. The state’s theory was that if these The

state

of California had offered the

people could get job

skills

and the guarantee of

a

months, they would become productive tax-paying less state aid in I

the long run than the

had heard about

this project

citizens

amount of the

from

a friend,

job for

who

at least six

and require

training grant. said that

CHH had

already created a six-week training program: three weeks in a classroom

and three

in a store.

might have

But the company was concerned that the trainees

a motivation

days on motivation

problem, so they wanted to spend

at the start

of the workshop.

a

couple of

My Personal Journey 5

This seemed

Human

the

opportunity for me.

ideal

at

CHH

and

I

made

told her about

one of

a call to

my work.

1

ex-

had learned about the nature of motivation.

I

“You want is

an

Resource people

plained what

culty

like

to motivate these trainees,”

that motivation

month, and then

it’s

said. “That’s easy.

a feeling that lasts

is

gone.

I

A more effective

The

diffi-

only a day, a week, or

method,”

I

a

suggested, “would

be to help the trainees discover and eliminate any beliefs that might get in the way of their success in the program.” told her

could create a workshop that would accomplish that, and she invited me out to California to discuss my proposal. I wasn’t sure exI

actly

how

signment

go about

to I

I

would

it,

but, as

figure out

was

my wont,

I

thought

how to do what had

if

I

got the as-

promised.

I

My Trip to California On five I

January 2

hours on

,

1

was on

a

my hands, and

had been struggling

for a

I

was again,

New York

to Los Angeles with

found myself thinking about my own life. long time to get companies to accept my proI

grams. But in spite of making

Here

plane from

many presentations,

flying cross-country to try

I

wasn’t getting clients.

once more.

I

thought of the

old Fred Astaire song from the movie Swing Time :" Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.” That was my pattern, repeated day after day. Well, I wondered, if my life was the result of my beliefs,

what

did

I

believe that could be responsible for the pattern

fied in

I

had

just identi-

my life?

had always seen myself

someone who never gave

No matter what, I’d keep going. In fact, that was the one trait most people who knew me always acknowledged. So what did actually believe? Five hundred I

as

up.

I

or so miles

had found the answer; I’m someone who overcomes obstacles. That was the truth about me. In fact, it felt as if that’s who latei

I

I

really was. If

up

in

one’s

life is

my life

if

I

a function of one’s beliefs,

believed I’m

I

thought, what would

someone who overcomes

show

obstacles?

Re-create Your Life 6

Obstacles, of course!

Not

opportunity to demonstrate that

I’d

never give up.

needed obstacles

I

continued to question. Where did

think that?

landed

but

an to

my

it all

especially during the past year or so.

I

I

I

And had been proving

prove that nothing could ever stop me. life,

me

success, because that wouldn’t give

I

get that idea from?

I

thought and wrote for almost

I

felt

different, as

if

Why

I

hours. By the time

five

something profound had shifted

know what. made my presentation

did

me,

in

didn’t

I

CHH, they told me they were interviewing one more consultant and would get back to me in ten days. reAfter

I

at

I

turned

home

the next day

experienced on the plane. I

had

still

musing over the remarkable

What had happened

me? What did

to

it

had

I

mean?

my wife, Shelly, what had haphad gotten the assignIt was CHH.

just started trying to explain to

me when the phone rang. ment. They had liked my presentation

pened

shift

to

I

much

so

that they decided not to

even interview the other consultant.

CHH wanted me to create a three-day workshop that would assist the trainees to eliminate any belief that cessful sales associates.

My course

might inhibit

would be used

week program. Because there were wouldn’t be able to lead

ally

hung up

the

at the start

many

my own workshop. would I

then teach the company’s trainers I

to be so

their ability to be suc-

how

to lead

phone and turned back

to

of the

six-

groups, however,

have to create

I

and

it

it.

my wife. “It

looks like

did eliminate a belief, because the obstacles just disappeared.

I

I

re-

got

the assignment!” Shelly

was

thrilled. “Tell

“I’m not sure,” to

make

I

me what you

answered honestly.

I

did on the plane,” she pleaded.

had

to find out

the belief go away, because not only didn’t

I

what

I

had done

have the belief any-

my life. was certain this shift in me was the key to what was looking for in my work. If could help people have the same kind of transformational experience, my work with orgamore, something had changed

in

I

I

nizations

would have unlimited

I

possibilities.

My Personal Journey 7

The Decision Maker® Process was able to write down the steps to what came to call the Decision Maker* (DM) Process. had created a technique that would Eventually

I

I

I

assist individuals to identify the specific beliefs that

havior, feelings,

Although the

and attitudes and then

still

to totally eliminate those beliefs.

DM Process has been modified and improved since

ation, the basic principles

ogy— are

determined their be-

— which

the same. Initially,

I

call

I

the Decision

didn’t “figure out” the

did something that worked, after which

ing to figure out

how and why

it

I

cre-

Maker* Technol-

DM

Process.

didn’t use a process of deduction to arrive at the steps. Rather, itively

its

I

intu-

I

did a lot of hard think-

worked and how

improve

to

it.

immediately found ways to apply the Decision Maker* Process to

I

the field of organizational transformation. Instead of giving companies

advice on what to do,

I

now had

tures” (their beliefs about

what

a

method

it

took to survive and succeed), as well as

to help

the beliefs of individual workers. Using the

determine on their

my associates

Since 1985

employees

New

and

I

to be

their “cul-

DM Process, companies could done and then do

it.

have worked with about ten thousand

over thirty companies, from as

in

many

as

two thousand

at

Jersey Bell to a total staff of thirty-five at Harris Graphics. We’ve

worked with Bell

own what needed

them change

a diverse

range of organizations, including almost half the

Operating Companies; the Copps Corporation,

a

wholesale and re-

grocery chain in Wisconsin; Kondex, a small manufacturing company; and Lands’ End, the direct-mail merchandising company. tail

The

last

eleven years have been an exciting journey, a continuing

process of realization and creation. beliefs

— how they

developed the

are created

DM Process,

I

I

have learned more and more about

and how

to eliminate

really didn’t

When

them.

know how or why

it

I

first

worked.

I

knew that beliefs disappeared and patterns changed. now have a much better understanding of the DM Technology, which consists of the only

principles

I

on which the

DM

Process

is

based. After each private session

— Re-create Your Life 8

and corporate assignment,

And

the results.

am

I

always thrilled and

somewhat awed by

and Process continue

the Decision Maker” Technology

to evolve.

Why I Wrote For several years I

I

Book

This

had been thinking about writing

a book.

had developed some theories that explained why the

worked. As a

result

I

realized

what made

it

DM

nology, a set of principles that can be used to

write about that could

So

I

faced a

and Process

in

new

make

and

Process

so effective at producing rapid

and permanent change. And, most important, I developed the

in individuals, organizations,

Over time

DM Tech-

make fundamental changes

institutions.

I

finally

had something

a real difference in people’s lives.

challenge:

such a way that

how

it

to write

DM Technology

about the

would become

real for readers.

I

wanted

people to understand that there was a brand-new possibility in their to realize that they

need not be stuck

back and made aspects of their that

my work

compared

to

are unique. at

work,

at

was not books

home,

is

The

in organizations,

and

and

was very

My book

DM Technology and

Process

cope with problems

in society. Instead,

a process that enable

clear

could not be

my work pro-

people to eliminate their

beliefs that are their source.

the result of several years of grappling with

life,

transforming yourself and your world.

in the spirit of

most

in that category.

I

how

to ex-

DM Technology and Process and how you can use them to re-

create your it

dysfunctional. But

realm of self-help.

by eradicating the

totally

This book plain the

lives

lives,

them

in old patterns that held

Many books offer advice about how to

vides a technology

problems

in the

to

awakening and discovery.

exciting journey you’ve ever taken.

It

I

can be the

urge you to read first

step

on the

Part

One

The Decision Maker® Difference

Chapter

Is

1

Profound Change Possible?

There

is

now

incontrovertible evidence that

mankind has

just entered

upon

the greatest

period of change the world has ever known. The ills

from which we are suffering have had

seat in the very

—

foundation of

human

their

thought.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin,

The Phenomenon of Man

Sis you look at the world, you dition.

It

seems impossible

may

feel

ried

from generation

Imagine for

a

human

con-

embedded problems of and violence. The real problems

to solve the deeply

crime, poverty, drug abuse, prejudice,

never seem to get solved; in

despair about the

fact,

they get worse as they are endlessly car-

to generation.

moment a

—one where people

different kind of society

mutual respect and caring, working together to make a better life for everyone in the community. Imagine corporations that value crelive in

and collaboration above ego and greed. Who wouldn’t want to live a world where there was peace, supportive communities, and a deep

ativity

in

commitment

Now

look

to freedom, happiness, at

your

own

sometimes they seem

Maybe you

life.

and opportunity

You too might have some problems, and

as insoluble as the big

ve honestly tried to

for everyone?

make

11

problems of the world.

positive changes, through therapy

Re-create Your Life 12

or self-help programs or other methods, because you really want to

your relationships work, do well really

enjoy your

and you

life.

at

your job, be an

make

effective parent,

and

But you keep slipping back into familiar patterns,

what

can’t figure out

to do.

Why can’t

you consistently achieve

what you think you should be capable of achieving?

You are no doubt reading

book because you

this

are seriously

com-

mitted to making changes, but you haven’t been able to attain what you

most passionately want

—

for yourself,

your family, your company, and

your community.

You wonder, What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with the world?

What can

I

do about

it?

Something's

Wrong

Perhaps one or more of the following scenarios

will strike a familiar

chord.

You Wake Up Well,

much

in the

maybe

Morning Feeling Depressed

you’re not exactly depressed.

of your enthusiasm for

the time

and

it’s

life.

You

getting harder to

It’s

realize that

just that you’ve lost

you are

summon enough

tired

much

of

energy to do what

has to be done.

Maybe you

re

not always

or angry Ifyou re like

tired; instead ,

many people,

you

re frequently

sad or anxious

however, you have some uncomfortable

emotions that you d rather not have. But you don’t know why you have them.

You

And even

Feel

if you do,

you don’t know how

to

make them go away.

Out of Control

You remember the argument the night before with your spouse. What were you arguing about? The it

was

a repeat

of so

many

details are hazy;

evenings

you only remember that

when you

said something, your

?

Is

Profound Change Possible 13

spouse said something, and before you knew

it

you were

fighting.

You

try

your temper, but something always sets you off. Maybe there was no actual argument last night because you or your spouse just withdrew and refused to discuss the issue. Maybe your anger to control

was directed toward your children or coworkers not your spouse. In any case, if you re like many people, you either experience and express your ,

anger too frequently or you suppress why.

Or

it

and burn

inside.

You don't

know

if you do,

because you've undergone intensive therapy and soulsearching, you are stymied by your inability to change your behavior permanently.

Your Motivation \ou

Is

Missing

finally pull yourself out

notice your reflection in the

of bed. As you walk across the

room you mirror and cringe. You remember your res-

olution to exercise three times a week. You look at the clock and see that

you have time

walk on the treadmill for twenty minutes, but unaccountably you find yourself resisting. You know you should, but it’s just too

much

to

trouble

which

bought the treadmill

Maybe

it's

really

want

The World As you

several

months

not the treadmill,

ercise, it s the diet.

and

what you’ve

is

Is a

Most people

to do,

said every

morning

since

you

ago.

Maybe it's not the exhave something they know they should do it's

the stair climber.

but they are never able

to get

around

to

it.

Mess

start getting dressed,

you turn on the morning news. The budget battle is still in progress. The Republicans say one thing, the Democrats say another, and meanwhile no solution really seems to work. You hate to be cynical, but it seems hopeless. Why, you ask yourself,

do

all

the proposed solutions to a growing

lems create as

many problems

seem insoluble?

as they solve?

number of societal prob-

Why do so many problems

Re-create Your Life 14

Your Job You

a Rat Race

Is

arrive at

work and

are immediately called into a meeting. Another

customer survey has come up with the same old message: They want better service

sound thing

or they’ll take their business elsewhere. This

broken record that no one

like a

— giving bonuses

Although the

out.

able to

new people

level

You’ve tried every-

fix.

sending them to customer

to the service people,

service training, even hiring

working

is

to replace the ones

They fix the machines

listen.

or answer the questions, but their response to customers

They

not the service people,

to act like autocratic bosses, to

be partners

sist

working

maybe

in the

the managers,

ids the

at the

re-

virtually

are resisting the

End of the Workday

You’re instantly annoyed.

nicely.

who

it is,

who

survive in today’s hotly competitive global markets.

You drag yourself home and walk

TV and

who continue

hourly workers

teams you’ve recently created. Whoever

You Are Exhausted

set.

and

even though the company has encouraged them

every organization has at least one group of employees to

lackluster

it.

it's

and team players. Or perhaps

changes needed

is

don’t recognize the value of finding out what the cus-

tomers want and need and then providing

Maybe it’s

who weren’t

of customer satisfaction has risen some-

what, most of the service people don’t really

incomplete.

beginning to

is

The

your kids glued to the

in to find

kids

seem

to

TV

spend more time watching

fighting with each other than studying, doing chores, or playing

They’re really good kids, but you’re concerned that they’re devel-

oping bad habits that them, explaining,

will

yelling,

hurt them later in

and

to work.

thing wrong, but what? This parenting business

are literally

related to

You’ve tried talking to

disciplining. You’ve tried rewarding

and threatening them. Nothing seems

You may have

life.

Maybe you’re doing someis

harder than you thought.

one of these scenarios or

hundreds of everyday scenarios

them

in

to

all

of them. There

which you, the organiza-

Profound Change Possible?

Is

15

tion

you work

for,

institutions

on which you

rely

all

do things

won work and appear to be unable to do things that obviwill work. What s worse, all too often there don’t appear to be any

that clearly

ously

and the

t

viable solutions.

Could

that really be the case, that there are

problems we

iad

face?

Or

is

there

some way

no solutions

to the

myr-

our

lives?

to get control over

A Promise of Possibility If

them

you

feel

to be,

reality.

I

The

trapped invite

you

world and

a life that aren’t

all

you would

like

an entirely new way of dealing with

to explore

principles and the process associated with the Decision

Maker" Technology

* Why

in a

so

much

* How you

will allow

of your

can use a

problem presented

many others you

* How you

you

life

new

doesn’t

set

in the

to discover:

work the way you want

it

to.

of tools to help you resolve each

foregoing scenarios, along with the

experience

daily.

can join with others

in

transforming institutions and

organizations so they really work. I

ple

created the

couldn

t

DM Technology after many years of observing that peo-

seem

to

accomplish what they wanted

to.

They were unable

and then sustain positive change. Many of my clients have spent countless hours and dollars pursuing self-improvement. The corto initiate

porations

I

advise usually have excellent executives and are constantly

from competent consultants. The parents know are always trying new ways to help their children become responsible, caring, getting advice

I

happy human beings. The problem tive

change.

It’s

an inability to

isn’t a

initiate

lack of

and

commitment

sustain

it.

to posi-

Moreover, even

if

things look better for a while, the results are short-lived. Clearly, the old

methods

aren’t working.

Many people have come to

realize that they

need

an entirely new method of examining problems and creating possibilities, but they have little idea where to look for such a method. The result

Re-create Your Life 16

is

deep cynicism bordering on despair that has infected individuals,

a

parents, companies,

and organizations

in

our society

—

a sense of “What’s

the use? Things will never change.” Yet

hopeless;

life isn’t

places.

it is

have found, as a result

I

we have been looking in the wrong of my work with individuals and organi-

only that

DM Technology enables people to achieve results that

zations, that the

they never imagined were possible.

The

DM Technology can help people eliminate virtually

tools of the

any dysfunctional emotional or behavioral pattern. They can enable drug

and alcohol addicts

to recover quickly

and permanently. They can cure

bulimia or anorexia for good. They can reform teenage and adult criminals.

They can enable people

in long-held

to

make

fast, effortless,

lasting

and chronic depression. They can rejuvenate sluggish

corporations and prepare any organization to

ments needed

for

This seems

like

happen again and

make

the radical adjust-

our rapidly changing environment. They can enable

who depend on

institutions to truly serve the people

an awfully big promise, doesn’t

and

again,

I’ll

give

them.

it?

you many case

But

I

have seen

limia was ruining her

before she eliminated

life

street criminal

who broke

transcended the disease of AIDS. tions

where the

come

possible.

I’ll

it

whose bu-

completely; Barry, a

the cycle of violence; Frank,

also take

it

histories that will

the possibility of transformation real for you: Diane,

hardened

changes

behaviors and emotional patterns, including phobias, prej-

udice, hostility,

make

and

who

you inside major corpora-

DM Technology enabled the previously impossible to beAnd

finally

I’ll

show you how even

the

most tenaciously

stubborn institutional problems, such as those that pervade our current education and health care systems, might be dissolved.

The

DM Technology

a self-help

Nor

is it

program

like so

a motivational

Technology

is

a

is

not another form of psychotherapy.

many others

that have

It is

been tried and

not

failed.

system to jump-start organizations. The

DM

paradigm-shifting approach that allows individuals and

organizations to re-create themselves by eliminating the beliefs that cause

them

to

behave

in self-defeating, self-destructive

ability to change.

ways and limit their

?

Is

Profound Change Possible 17

Not Another Psychotherapy Many apy,

of

and

individual clients have spent

number

a

advice on

my

how

to change.

more

are eager to be

my

of

Maybe

admire them

I

still

By the time they come plain that

it is

therapies,

and

psychother-

But

I

because

it

shows they

have also seen that even lots

of excellent ad-

stuck with their old, ineffective behaviors.

they get better for a while, but

trying the Decision

for that,

many self-help programs, and

vice, these clients are

in

business clients have retained consultants for

effective in the world.

after years in therapy,

some time

to

Maker

it’s

rarely

permanent.

me, they are understandably skeptical about Process, but they are intrigued

when

I

ex-

not psychotherapy. Individual psychotherapy, most group self-help

programs enable people

to

cope

much more

ef-

with their problems, but they are rarely capable of producing fundamental, lasting change. Even when they do, the struggle and the effectively

fort usually don’t totally disappear.

There

is

a

good reason why people

are usually unable to get rid of dys-

functional behavior by using conventional methods. plicit in

most attempts

to

change behavior

is:

= Change. This makes perfect sense to most

The

principle im-

Information + Motivation

people, whether they are psy-

chotherapists, training professionals, parents, or individuals. If you

what

to

do and how

atively), isn

t

that

to

all

do

it,

and

you need

if

you are motivated

know

(positively or neg-

to take the appropriate action?

Obviously not, since the formula of Information + Motivation doesn’t seem to be working. If it were, everyone would wear seat belts, which they

don

t.

Everyone would keep

them go

New

Year’s resolutions, instead of letting

couple of weeks. People suffering from cardiovascular disease would all adopt low-fat, low-cholesterol diets. Corporate trainafter a

ing programs

would be

Let’s take a

leave

work

effective in

changing worker behavior.

simple example. Say you’re a procrastinator. You always

projects until the last minute.

As a

result, you’re

of the time and sometimes you turn projects in to the disapproval of

your boss. In

fact,

he

tells

late,

anxious

much

which subjects you

you, “I’d like to consider

Re-create Your Life 18

you

for a

promotion and

a raise, but

I

you continue

can’t as long as

to

deliver projects late.”

You decide you must change, and you

want

really

to change.

What

do you do?

# You

prioritize

your

activities,

assuming that

will help

it

you

focus on the most important projects.

# You make month

for

work on

you

allot

time during the

the project.

# You

put up reminders in prominent places.

# You

create rewards to give yourself

ect

—

# You So to get for

a schedule that helps

a special dinner or a

finish a proj-

new item of clothing.

ask your friends to support you.

now

you’ve gathered

the information

all

your projects done on time.

doing

when you

it:

a possible

promotion,

And you a raise,

and resources you need

have several strong reasons

your boss’s approval, an

alle-

viation of your constant anxiety.

But be honest! After you’ve done

all this,

plus

all

the other variations

you’ve discovered, does the behavior pattern really change? Does the In-

formation + Motivation enable you to say

you are going

month isn’t a

after

to do?

And

if

it

sit

down

easily

does today, does

month? For most of us, the answer

valid assumption, consider

all

is

it

and do what you

continue to be easy

no. (If

the times you’ve

you think

made

commitment, buttressed by Information + Motivation, but

for

this

a similar

some

in-

explicable reason you failed to follow through.) Let’s

look

at

another example of

ineffective in helping people

how

Information + Motivation are

change their behavior and emotions. Per-

haps you find yourself obsessed with what other people think of you. That’s

common

enough. You’ve found that your ever-present concern

with the opinions of others

is

annoying,

at best,

and

gets in the

way of

your daily interactions with others. You want to change. You think that if

you can

rid yourself of this obsession,

more comfortable

in social situations.

you

will

be a

lot

So what do you do?

happier and

Is

Profound Change Possible? 19

Maybe you begin by trying ize that

your self-worth

think about

all

to appreciate

your

own

value and to real-

not dependent on the opinions of others. You the people who do like and appreciate you. You is

realize

that the desire to be liked sible.

Maybe you

by everyone

is

self-defeating as well as impos-

try to convince yourself that people

u

who

don’t like you

your kind of people,” so it doesn’t really matter. But don t you find, even with all your positive thinking and all your efforts, that the need to be liked by everybody doesn’t go away? The reason is simple: In formation + Motivation aren't enough to change emotional just aren’t

and behavioral patterns because the beliefs that cause them haven't been eliminated. The formula of Information + Motivation never deals with beliefs, so lasting

change

isn’t possible.

But because we believe that Information + Motivation should be enough, we usually blame ourselves or someone else

work.

We

think,

when

it

doesn’t

m

incompetent,” or “She’ll never learn,” or “What’s wrong with him?” Depending on Information + Motivation as a reliable I

and permanent means of behavior modification ure, guilt, and blame. There are other ways the

DM

Process

is

is

an invitation to

different

fail-

from psychother-

Many forms

apy.

of psychotherapy attempt to change behavior directly by using either logic or persuasion, ignoring beliefs altogether. One of the major forms of psychotherapy employed today, however, is cognitive therapy, which does focus

what

I

am

doing, but

Cognitive therapy

is

beliefs.

That might sound

actually very different. Let

designed,

first,

to help

like

me explain.

you identify

irrational be-

you out of them with reason and logic. The premise that once you see your belief is illogical or self-defeating, you will be

liefs is

and then

it is

on changing

to talk

able to eliminate tional at

all

it.

But what

if

your dysfunctional

beliefs are

not irra-

but are a logical conclusion of an early experience? Here’s an

example.

Assume a

that

brother and

brother.

you are

a two-year-old child, the third

of four. You have

two and four years older than you, and Your parents never yell at you or hit you. Your dad works

and your

a sister,

mom stays home to take care of you and your siblings.

a

baby

all

day,

Re-create Your Life

20

When you wake up in the morning, you jump out of bed and you say, “Mommy, Mommy, play with me. Paint with me. Read to me.” And Mommy, with a four- and a six-year-old running around and a new baby, replies,

and

“Not now, honey. I’m busy. Play by yourself or with your brother

sister for a while.”

So you go off to explore the house, and an hour or so

later

you come

Mom and say, “Mommy, Mommy, play with me. Paint with me. Read to me.” This time your mom says, “Not now, honey. need to feed

back to

I

the baby.

Maybe

Imagine that

later.”

hour or so

this scene gets repeated every

until 6 p.m.

when Daddy comes home. You rush to the door and yell, “Daddy, Daddy, look at what made today!” Daddy replies, “Give me a minute until can I

get

my coat

off

Eventually, the paper,

I

and

Dad spends

a

few minutes with each of the kids, reads

and watches TV, which

Mom and

maybe

relax.”

Dad

is

followed by dinner.

If all

goes well,

read to you and your siblings for a while before

bedtime.

So what happened on

this typical

day of your

life at

age two? You

asked for attention fifteen or twenty times, and almost always you heard,

“No, not now.” Even

if

we were

conservative and said you asked for at-

tention only three times a day, that

would mean about

a

thousand

re-

quests in a year that were usually denied, and four thousand separate denials by the age of

with your If

six.

What meaning would you

give the experience

mom and dad?

you’re a typical child, you might conclude (unconsciously) I’m not

important. That would be

a brilliant feat

of integration for a child. You

have had thousands of separate incidents that you didn’t understand and that upset you. But deciding I’m not

sense of them.

If you’re

important now allows you

not important, of course

Dad and

to

make

Mom wouldn’t

have time for you.

Say you carry this unconscious conclusion into adult usually a host

what happens), and

at

some point

life

a therapist provides

(which

you with

of logical arguments to demonstrate you are important and

makes no sense whatsoever

to believe otherwise.

But

it

does

is

make

it

sense

?

Is

Profound Change Possible

you because you formed the belief your experience. to

as a reasonable interpretation of

Moreover, the evidence” that you offer for a belief real reason you believe it. Your evidence usually

is

not usually the

consists of recent ob-

servations that appear to substantiate the belief. belief however, is your interpretation of

The

real

source of your

circumstances earlier

For example,

in

life.

you were to form the belief Relationships doij’t work as a child, you would act consistently with it thereafter. You might avoid relationships altogether. You might stay in a bad relationship, thinking, I’ll never find a better one. You might not try to talk to your if

partner in an attempt to ilar activities will lief.

make your

relationship better. These

produce current evidence

In other words,

life

becomes

and sim-

for the already-existing be-

a self-fulfilling

prophecy. Because the

evidence you present to validate your beliefs is a consequence of the beliefs, not their source, challenging the validity of the evidence usually doesn’t help.

Another form of psychotherapy

is

based on the idea that by fully ex-

periencing “incomplete” episodes from your childhood, you can release them and eliminate their impact on you. In this type of therapy, the expei iences leading to your perception I’m not important would be relived

and

virtually exorcised.

The problem with havior

this

method

is

that the source of dysfunctional be-

not the early experiences themselves but the beliefs you formed as a result. The experiences themselves do not have a lasting impact on you; after all, you don’t live in the past, you live is

in the present.

You

can’t

go back and change experiences you’ve already had. But the beliefs that you form as a young child do have a significant impact and you can change those.

—

Some

psychotherapists, especially psychiatrists, tors, focus on eliminating the symptoms of your

who are medical

doc-

problem, thinking that

the illness results in

is

the set of symptoms. Perhaps your belief I’m not important

symptoms of depression, and

a psychiatrist

recommends an

antidepiessant medication. You take the drug and you

feel less

But although your symptoms are alleviated— at

while you are tak-

least

depressed.

Re-create Your Life 22

ing the drug likely to

— the source of your depression has not disappeared and

be manifested

in

other ways. (Obviously, a dysfunctional be-

havioral or emotional pattern that clearly has a physical cause ception. But

I

is

is

an ex-

believe those to be relatively rare.)

No wonder after many years of therapy or self-improvement courses, you’re

still

struggling with the belief I’m not important.

Are you beginning to see why psychotherapy of psychotherapy

is

to help

lems

totally,

limited?

While the goal

you cope better with your problems

frequently does that very well

J

is

— my

by eradicating the

goal

is

to help

— and

it

you eliminate the prob-

beliefs that are at the source.

ferent psychological explanations of human behavior

Many

may be valid

dif-

in that

why people behave the way they do. as tools to empower people to experi-

they are logical interpretations of

But they aren’t particularly useful

ence total satisfaction, eliminate dysfunctional patterns rapidly and permanently, and experience themselves as the creators of their infinite possibilities

and no

limitations.

Nor are they useful

and more profound sense of eliminating suffering

lives,

in the

with

broader

in the world, reduc-

ing crime and violence, or creating effective institutions.

The

DM

more

It’s

Process

more about

creation than about psychology.

spiritual than psychotherapeutic.

belief using the ferently.

is

You

When you

DM Process, you don’t merely think,

also enter

sciousness. In this state

and turned on. The

what appears

to

feel,

eliminate a

and behave

be a non-ordinary

state

dif-

of con-

you experience yourself as calm, serene, powerful,

possibilities of your life

seem unlimited. You experi-

ence that you have no limitations. Finally, there into because your old belief

no longer

is

nothing to

slip

back

exists.

Are You Limited by Your Beliefs? The core of the liefs

DM Process

is

that

it

enables you to eliminate the be-

that lead to dysfunctional patterns.

have an enormous power in your

What do you mean when you

As

you’ll discover,

your

beliefs

life.

say you believe something? That

it’s

?

Profound Change Possible

Is

23

true.

And

A

belief

is

a statement

about

reality that

you think

is

“the truth.”

molds your behavior, your emotions, and your attitudes. Each of your beliefs serves as a box that limits and determines the bethis belief

havior that

Here work.

s

is

possible for you.

an example. Let

If that’s

more of the

your

belief,

s

say you really believe Relationships don’t

your behavior would probably include one or

following actions:

* You

wouldn’t

* You

wouldn’t try to work out problems

let

people get close to you.

* You would spend

* You

a lot

in

your relationships.

of time alone.

wouldn’t allow superficial relationships to become close

ones.

* You would

stay in an unsatisfactory relationship without try-

ing to change

Can you

it.

see that the belief Relationships don’t

work makes

it

almost

impossible for you to sustain a satisfying relationship over a long period of time? If you eliminated this belief, wouldn’t the behaviors just listed

(which are the result of the belief) change, automatically and naturally? Consider another example of how your beliefs determine your behavior.

Assume you

mistakes. Although this ior,

it

The way to succeed in life is to avoid belief would not necessitate any specific behav-

held this belief:

would undoubtedly

limit

your behavior

in

one or more of the

fol-

lowing ways:

* You would

avoid taking any chances at

* You would do

the

worked yesterday

* You would than

same

thing,

day

will

work

today.

it

be more interested

in finding its

all.

after day, believing that if

in assigning

source and correcting

* You would respond

blame

it.

defensively to criticism.

it

for a mistake

Re-create Your Life

24

Behavior that

is

—

incompatible with your belief

criticism or taking risks

—would be highly

like

being open to

Your behavior oc-

unlikely.

curs in the box defined by your beliefs. Usually, there are life.

Anna,

many beliefs that contribute to

a client of mine, described her pattern in relationships as “fear

of taking chances, shutting

off.” Just a

wrong with me;

hurt; there's something I’ll

get hurt.

few of the

The

beliefs that contributed

always end with someone getting

to this pattern were: Relationships

someone,

the patterns in your

if

express

I

my affection for

patterns in Anna’s relationships could be ex-

plained by these and other related beliefs.

Beliefs

Shape Your Emotions

Not only do your beliefs determine your behavior, they also determine

how you

experience things emotionally. For example,

if you

are friendly, the appearance of a boisterous, excited dog that

produce delight and joy. But

you

will

the

same action by

that

same dog

and your emotional reaction This occurred with one of that led

him

to the

Dogs are dangerous, produce fear. Change the belief,

if you

will

believe

same stimulus automatically changes.

my clients.

Larry had a phobic fear of crowds

to tremble, break out in a sweat,

ever he was in the midst of one. “I don’t

crowds,” he told me.

“It’s

and hyperventilate when-

know why I respond

I

was

don’t know, something

bad will happen. When the belief was eliminated,

Larry’s fear

and the accompanying physiological symptoms disappeared

resulting

way to

that his emotional reaction

based on the belief In a large group of people

are based

this

not rational.”

As I worked with Larry, he discovered

Many

Dogs jumps at

believe

went away as well.

people have difficulty with the idea that emotional reactions

on

beliefs.

They think of emotions

as uncontrollable impulses,

from physiological and chemical changes

the mind. Feelings “just happen.” But this actions, or feelings, usually are very

is

that are separate

from

not correct. Emotional re-

much dependent on

beliefs.

Consider the emotional response you have to another person. Say you

?

Is

Profound Change Possible 25

know a

person

of yours does

named

like

Fred

Fred and

whom feels

tions to Fred be so different?

you don’t

like

very much. But a friend

very close to him. Flow can your reac-

You may assume

you and your friend

that

are observing different qualities in Fred, but in fact your friend probably sees the same qualities you do. he difference in your

emotional response

I

to Fred

is

a result of different beliefs the

two of you have about people

and friendship. Fred lieves

is

a very extroverted, gregarious person. Since

people should express themselves

in Fred.

On

freely,

your friend be-

he admires these qualities

the other hand, you believe that people should be

more

re-

served and only express themselves fully to very close friends. You don’t like these qualities in Fred. Fred’s qualities are the

same

you and your

for

friend.

Your different

reactions result from the different beliefs you have about what those qualities

Your

mean.

determine your attitudes, which are a combination of what you think and how you feel. An attitude is an emotionally held beliefs also

you believe I’m worthwhile; things usually work out the way I want them to; I can do whatever I really want to do, you will have a posbelief. If

itive,

optimistic attitude about

not worthwhile; will

life is

life.

too hard;

On

I’ll

the other hand,

never get what

I

if

you believe I’m

want, those

tend to give you a negative, pessimistic attitude about

beliefs

life.

Another example of attitudes caused by beliefs is racial, religious, and gender prejudice. Early in life many people form negative beliefs, such

as:

Blacks, Jews, homosexuals, or

to prejudicial

women are inferior.

behavior toward these groups.

Such

beliefs lead

Many people, as adults,

feel

uncomfortable or even guilty about their attitudes and behavior, and they try logically to talk themselves out of their feelings. Usually, however, they

are unable to totally get rid of the attitudes

sociated with

them

— unless they

sponsible for the prejudice.

I

and the subtle behavior

as-

totally eliminate the beliefs that are re-

have worked with several people

presented prejudice as their unwanted pattern. lying the prejudice were eliminated,

it

When

who

the beliefs under-

totally disappeared.

These sessions

Re-create Your Life

26

were so successful that

I

believe the

DM

Process would be equally valu-

able in eliminating ethnic conflict between Serbs, Muslims,

and between

in Bosnia

Israelis

and

You Perceive Not only do your your attitudes, they

your

reflected in

how you

eyes. Electrical

see

is

it is

different.

An

and

over-

that light strikes an object

and

impulses travel from the retina to the

where the shape and color of the object are

visual cortex,

feelings,

determine what you are able to perceive.

literally

Everybody senses the same thing, but perceiving

is

East.

Believe

determine your behavior, your

beliefs

simplified description of

Middle

Palestinians in the

What You

and Croats

But

registered.

before you can actually see an object electrical impulses have to travel ,

from your visual cortex is

to

your frontal lobe, where the sensation of sight

integrated into a perception of a specific, recognizable form. In other

words, sensations are the raw data provided by the senses; perceptions are the result of what the brain does with the a function

of your

saying

believe

see

it

“I’ll

when

I

in winter,

And, over

as

you

see

it”

to the

more

When you

would point

a different

word

If,

to as

is

largely

accurate statement

“I’ll

on the

see white moisture

however, you asked an Es-

many as

ten different places

to refer to each place.

The Eskimo

I

and the nutaryuk P” And you’d 1

say,

“No,

I

only see snow.”

really ten different “things”

out there? There are for the per-

has distinguished them, but not for the person

did,

that

he pointed, “Do you see the kanewluk or the muruaneaj

might not be hard until

And

might be appropriate to reverse the old

it

“That’s snow.”

there, the natquik

Are there

who

say,

saw, he

don’t see any of that.

son

I

data.

it.”

you

snow and use

might ask you

when

So

simple example.

kimo man what he in the

it

believe

Let’s use a

ground

beliefs.

raw

who

hasn’t.

It

to learn to distinguish ten different types of snow, but

you would sense what the Eskimo

senses, but

you would

not perceive what the Eskimo perceives.

Once you “see” something ally

—

or,

more

accurately, distinguish

does exist for you, and you can no longer “not see”

it.

it

—

it

re-

Consider the

?

Is

Profound Change Possible 27

popular optical-illusion books that are filled with images you can only see after you soften your focus and look at the image without deciding what you expect to see. Once it comes into focus and you “see” the picture, you can’t stop seeing it.

Another example of how in

hypnosis. This

is

an altered

sible for a hypnotist to

believes while

drop

a

$100

ence that

on the

his to

state

determine perception can be found of consciousness in which it is pos-

make suggestions to a subject

under hypnosis.

bill

it is

beliefs

floor

keep

if

One common

and

tell

trick

a hypnotized

he can pick

it

that the subject then is

for a hypnotist to

man from

up— mid that

thousand pounds. The subject struggles mightily, yet fails bill. Why? Because he believes it weighs one thousand

it

the audi-

weighs one

up the pounds and thus

perceives

it

to pick

that way.

Eliminate Beliefs and Open Possibilities

When you

eliminate the beliefs that are limiting you, you create new possibilities for action. You have the potential of discovering workable solutions that literally didn’t exist before. You’re

box you were previously Randy, one of have

a

just panic.

I

I

in.

clients,

hard time seeing

cepted way. I

my

described the following pattern to me:

a project

through to

keep getting stuck.

When

m afraid

come through

if

no longer limited by the

1

don’t

it

its

completion

“I

in the ac-

starts getting close to deadline, I’ll

lose

my job.

So

I

end

up taking shortcuts and cheating.” For

many years, this was

Randy’s typical behavior, and he got by with

But eventually his boss started noticing his shortcuts and cheating and told him he had to change his ways if he wanted to keep his job. Suddenly, Randy’s behavior was a problem for him. He tried to follow the rules, but he was filled with fear that his projects wouldn’t succeed. Evenit.

he reverted to old patterns, despite his sincere desire not to. My work with Randy focused on identifying the beliefs that accounted for his pattern of behavior, including I can’t do what’s expected of me. I asked Randy, Can you see that your behavior is absolutely consistually,

— Re-create Your Life 28

He

tent with that belief?”

change

without

his behavior

Using the

without cheating.

beliefs that

it

was virtually impossible

to

eliminating the belief.

first

DM Process as you will find

began to eliminate the ects

realized that

it

described in Part Two,

Randy

were stopping him from finishing proj-

When all the beliefs were gone, he was able to com-

plete projects successfully without cutting corners.

The bad news ated in your

You

is:

will find that the negative beliefs

create your reality.

life literally

The good news

you have

cre-

The beliefs

is:

can be eliminated. After you have eliminated a belief that has run your life

and discovered

When you it

that

you created

you create your

see that

by eliminating the

it,

you become the with your

life

creator of your

beliefs,

life.

you can change

beliefs.

You Can Also Change the World

DM Technology—of which the DM Process

The is

very effective on a personal

Its

level.

ultimate implications are far

that has the

power

erate in the

most

it is

not a

one application

new self-help

more profound. Imagine

a

technique.

technology

change entire institutions so they continually op-

effective

manner. Even

if

you believe that personal

may be hard to picture such a Utopian view of soBut it becomes easier when you understand that organizations and

renewal ciety.

to

But

is

possible,

is

it

institutions have belief systems too

— and

their dysfunctional strategies

and operations spring from these systems.

What people do beliefs liefs

about what

it

in organizations

takes to survive

is

a function of the “culture”

— the

and succeed. These fundamental be-

are manifested in innumerable policies, procedures, organizational

structures,

management

styles,

and systems. paradigm

Institutions operate out of a their nature beliefs,

a set

of core beliefs

— about

and purpose. All behaviors and actions flow from these basic

which shape the

In the

—

same way

and limiting

that

strategies of the institution.

many

individuals get stuck with dysfunctional

beliefs, institutions

and corporations

also create boxes that

?

Is

Profound Change Possible 29

prevent them from healthy operation and growth. They solve their problems, but the more they try, within the

may try hard

to

framework of the

box, the

more deeply embedded

will see in Part

Three, what

of continuous creation

—

1

call

the problems

Third Order

seem

to

become. As you

Change— being

in a state

allow every institution and organization to devise workable strategies to deal with problems as they occur. will

But before you can fully grasp the nature of the Decision Maker* Technology and learn how to use it, you must understand its underlying principles. These principles are fundamental. They reach back into the very nature of human consciousness.

0

Chapter 2

Principles of the

DM Technology The

basic structures of the material world are determined,

ultimately,

by the way we look

at this

world;

.

the observed

.

.

patterns of matter are reflections of patterns of mind.

—

Fritjof

Capra, The Turning Point

lhe principles of the

Decision Maker® Technology are based on a theory about the nature of consciousness, creation, and reality specifically,

—

how our

consciousness creates reality by making distinctions.

ask you to set aside every preconceived idea you hold, just for a moment, and consider a different way of viewing life. Begin with these five I

principles: 1.

Existence

2.

Language

3.

There

is

4-

When

you create

5.

When

you eliminate

create

new

Let’s

is

is

a function of consciousness.

the primary tool

we use

to

make

distinctions.

no inherent meaning (or “the truth”) a belief,

you create your

a belief,

explore these points in

more

depth.

world.

reality.

you change your

possibilities.

in the

reality

and

—

?

Re-create Your Life 32

Existence

1.

If

be,

a Function of Consciousness

Is

you asked someone, “Do things

“Of course

things exist!

The world

is full

know that there is physical stuff out there But what allows any thing exist?

One way

What

if

the

to

answer

is

hand anymore.

in the universe that reality: In

—

a

to

imagine

It

and

tangible

real?

hand, a chair, or any other object a specific thing

—

until there to

was not the hand. This

it?

say, a

is

—

to

hand.

nothing

You wouldn’t

in

see

exist,

there

moment. Can you

very basic concept about

a

is

must

also be not that thing.

any physical object

see that

that object”? If an object did not have

wasn’t surrounded by “not that object”

tinguished from everything

The same

is

would disappear because there would be nothing

this for a

bounded by “not is, if it

that reality

What would happen

order for any thing to

Consider

that

—

of things.” Doesn’t everyone

hand expands and keeps expanding

the universe except the hand. the

response would probably

exist?” the

In other words,

else.

it

—

any borders

couldn’t be dis-

it

wouldn’t

exist.

principle applies to nonmaterial concepts. Love

—

peace and war, strong and weak, beautiful and ugly

is

and

hate,

these only exist

and

have unique attributes because they have been distinguished from each other. For example, the state of

presence of armed conflict. peace. But

and

if

if

armed

war

When

is

distinguished from peace by the

there

conflict existed

is

no armed

conflict there

throughout the world

all

is

the time,

the alternative (peace) was unimaginable, you wouldn’t be able to

distinguish

war from any other

state.

War, as

a

condition distinct from

peace, couldn’t exist.

Now imagine everything in the universe without any distinctions. It’s all

just

an undifferentiated whole. Can you see that there

That’s because in order for anything to exist,

from everything

and everything is

else. If

else,

no distinction

there

is

is

it

is

nothing

must be distinguished

made between

a specific thing

only an undifferentiated everything

—which

another way of saying nothing. Everything, without any distinctions, Physicist Fred Allen

Wolf once

and not present without you or what physical

is

the

same

said that “the

me

reality really requires

is

to observe

as nothing.

world it.”

I

is

only a potential

would suggest

consciousness to

make

that

distinctions.

Principles of the

DM

Technology

33

In

making distinctions, we use our sensory apparatus

(the five senses)

our perceptual framework (language, culture, paradigms, and individual beliefs). But the world isn t really the way you perceive it. It as well as

isn’t it

any way

until

that way. In fact,

you perceive

way— that

that

it

is,

you don’t even sense what’s “out

until

you distinguish because there’s

there,”

nothing out there to be sensed. (No thing, as we’ve seen, however, potential for everything to be distinguished.)

An example comes from

a

the

is

Time magazine cover story on human con-

sciousness.

A baby born dition

— and

with cataracts

— an unusual but not unheard-of con-

untreated for as

left

little

manently and irrevocably blind. cataracts,

an operation can restore

make unconsciously and ground, moving vs. stationary, of us

more— are wire

as six

If a

per-

sixty-year-old develops

full sight.

at a

months becomes

glance

The

most

distinctions

— foreground

vertical vs. horizontal,

concepts that the brain has learned.

It

vs.

back-

and dozens

literally

has to

with neurons growing out to touch and communicate with one another in an ever more sophisticated network of conitself,

nections.

And

in the first

if

few months of life, when the brain

tive period,

they atrophy and die

In other words,

not events

those connections are not repeatedly stimulated

moving and

is still

in

its

forma-

1 .

stationary or vertical and horizontal are

out there.” Rather they are “concepts that the brain has

learned” (or distinguished) as a result of having a specific sensory appa-

without which they couldn’t be distinguished. That means they erally wouldn’t exist. ratus,

2.

Tool

What we

perceive

Language

We is

Use

also

to

Is

the

Primary

Make Distinctions

determined

to a large extent

by our per-

sonal beliefs, which are largely a function of our culture and our diate environment.

creating our reality

Our most important is

language

2 .

lit-

tool in

imme-

making distinctions and

Re-create Your Life

34

As Edward

Human

Sapir, a

beings do not

world of

in the

noted anthropologist, has

said:

the objective world alone, nor alone

live in

social activity as ordinarily

understood, but are

much at the mercy of a particular language which has become medium of expression for their society. The fact of the matter

very the is

that their “real world”

to a large extent unconsciously built

is

language habits of the group.

in the

erwise experience very largely as

community predispose

of our

Language

is

more than

far

guage” comes from

logos,

.

.

.

We see and

up

hear and oth-

we do because the language habits

certain choices of interpretation

a tool for

3,4 .

communication. The word “lan-

which means category or concept. With lan-

guage we categorize, distinguish, and create the universe. Ultimately, we perceive the world according to our language. For example,

think in English,

we

ple, trees, houses.

using verbs.

We

perceive a world

made up

when we

primarily of objects: peo-

These objects do things or have things done to them

literally see

everything in the world in this fashion.

We

don’t perceive “things out there” because there really are things out there.

That

happens

just

which

a subject,

to

acts

be our worldview, because

upon an

object,

subject. In the English language, jects) are

which

in

exists

independent

our language there

independently of the

entities (subjects

and ob-

primary, rather than processes or relationships. That’s not

true in every language.

As Ralph Strauch points out

Some

in his

book The

Reality Illusion:

languages are structured around quite different basic word-

categories

and

relationships.

They

project very different pictures

of the basic nature of reality as a result. The language of the

Nootka Indians

in the Pacific Northwest, for example, has only

principle word-category; bal

is

form

like

it

denotes happenings or events.

ver-

“eventing” might better describe this word-category,

except that such a form doesn’t sound right in English, with

phasis on

A

one

noun forms. We might think of Nootka

entirely of verbs, except that they take

as

its

em-

composed

no subjects or objects

as

En-

Principles of the

DM

Technology

35

The Nootka,

glish verbs do.

then, perceive the world as a stream of

transient events, rather than as the collection of

manent

objects which

more or less perEven something which we see clearly

we see.

as a physical object, like a house, the lived

temporal event. The

literal

concept might be something

Nootka perceive of as

a long-

English translation of the Nootka

like

“housing occurs,” or “it houses .” 5

In a discussion of this point, Larry

Dossey quotes Nobel Prize win-

ning physicist Werner Heisenberg as saying, .

.

to

.

what we are observing

is

not nature

our method of questioning.

itself,

but nature exposed

And how do we question? All

methods of interrogating nature depend on language the very nature of language to refer to things. in

How

terms of things.

things, nothing? In

can

we

We

of our

— and

therefore think

possibly think of nonthings, no-

our very forms of thought we instinctively

vide the world into subjects and objects, thinkers and things,

and matter. This division seems so natural

sumed

maxim

a basic

of objective science

3 There .

Meaning

u (

that

it

6

No

Inherent The Truth”) in the World Is

a

For example, you have never seen anywhere

world that “I

is

beautiful or ugly,

,’ .

.

.

mind

has been pre-

nothing exists without distinctions, there world. There are only interpretations, which are

Life

di-

.

If

thing], or

it is

or “People are

good or bad. You

.”. .

.

in the

is

no meaning form of

in the

distinction.

am

[any-

You have never seen anything

see people behaving

you see objects acting on other objects (such

and

talking,

and

as acts of nature), but

you

have never seen the meaning of any of these behaviors or events.

If

I

ask

you, “Have you ever seen a comfortable chair?” you might reply that you have. But have you really ? No. You have only seen a chair which you interpreted as being comfortable.

Other people might interpret the chair being uncomfortable. “Comfort” is not inherent in chairs.

as

Re-create Your Life 36

Your

including the negative ones that you might hold about

beliefs,

yourself, such as I’m not as a child.

worthwhile, usually stem from your experiences

You might think they are

you “discovered” them. But your

fore

what you

terpretations of

and

see

watched your parents fighting

and

“facts” that existed in the

affection,

belief

world be-

beliefs are not facts; they are in-

hear. For example,

if

as a child

you

a lot instead of expressing signs of love

you might have concluded, Marriage doesn’t work. That

was formed

heard and saw.

It

were other ways

in

your

child’s

became “the to interpret

mind

as

an interpretation of what you

truth” for you, but

it

wasn’t

what you observed, such

marriage doesn’t work, but others might. Or,

as

really.

There

My parents’

Some relationships work,

others don’t. Beliefs are interpretations based on your observation of

You

events.

didn’t see your belief in the world.

You only saw one couple

arguing. Your interpretations don’t exist in the world, only in your mind.

There ball

umpires discussing

The ’em I

an old story attributed to author Karl Weick about three base-

is

first

like

I

one

their job.

says, “I calls

sees ’em.”

’em

like

they

is.”

The second one

And the third one says, “There ain’t

says, “I calls

nothin’ there until

calls ’em.”

Once you make difficult to ality,

for

a distinction

and bring something

imagine that thing not existing.

It

any given person, can be described

into reality,

it is

really does exist for you. Re-

as that

which that person’s

consciousness has already distinguished.

When

4.

When you

You Create a realize that

Belief,

You Create Your Reality

you never saw your

beliefs in the world, that

you only saw events that had no inherent meaning, you create your

we is

say

is

— and,

Creation

is

we

becomes

clear that

ultimately, your reality. Thus, everything

“out there,” other than what

a distinction

down

beliefs

it

we

touch, see, hear, smell, or taste,

create that exists only in our mind.

the act of

making

distinctions. For example,

the street and think you actually see “men” and

you walk

“women” when you

Principles of the

DM Technology

37

actually only perceive individual

human

beings. You describe these

human beings as men or women,” but you have never actually seen men or women they are only abstractions you have distinguished. If ;

you were

to arbitrarily distinguish people into those taller

shorter than six

and those

you would eventually walk down the street and think you are seeing shorties and tallies as clearly as you now see men and women. feet,

In Alternate Realities,

Lawrence LeShan gives

how we make

Consider

We

not create classes.

classes of things. “Surely,”

take

them

as

we

find

and female, animal, vegetable, and mineral.

We are observing things and

ing anything. ships.”

them .

.

we

say,

male

‘out there,’

We are

.

“we do

not creat-

learning their relation-

Why then, asked

one philosopher, has no one made a class edible things and included meat and cherries in it?

of red, juicy,

Oi

a class of

...

It

tall,

becomes

dark-haired

clear, as

men and women

we look

So nothing

until

is

can no longer not see

you make

it

with no earlobes?

at these trivial points, that ...

help create and maintain the reality

Here

simple example:

a

so.

we

perceive

and

But once you do,

we

react to. 7 it

must

You

be.

men and women.

example. In The Experts Speak by Christopher Cerf and Victor Navasky, hundreds of experts are cited who were limited in their is

a vivid

ability to see

one of the

anything outside their existing

beliefs that

termined the

was generally accepted

in the 1850s, a

tell

wash

as “the truth”

and

is

just

that de-

of

how

Hungarian doctor and professor of obstetrics, Ignaz

Semmelweis, ordered to

The following

believer’s behavior at the time.

Cerf and Navasky

tal

beliefs.

their

his interns at the

hands

after

Viennese Lying-In Hospiperforming autopsies and before ex-

amining new mothers. The death rate plummeted from 22 out of 200 to two out of 200, prompting the following reaction from one of Europe’s most respected medical practitioners:

Re-creatc Your Life 38

“It

may

be that

[Semmelweis’s procedure] does contain a

it

few good principles, but such

difficulties that

it

its

scrupulous application has presented

would be necessary,

in Paris for instance, to

place in quarantine the personnel of a hospital the great part of a year,

and

moreover, to obtain results that remain entirely

that,

problematical.” (Dr. Charles Dubois, Parisian obstetrician, in a

memo

to the

French Academy, on September

23, 1858.)

Semmelweis’ superiors shared Dubois’ opinion; when the

Hungarian physician forced

him

on defending

insisted

on the

to resign his post

modern times, we may view everyone know that proper hygiene In

this is

faculty.

his theories, they

8

example

as ridiculous. Doesn’t

a lifesaving factor in hospitals?

tend to view this as an objective reality

—

We

But Dubois and his col-

a fact.

leagues were operating out of a different worldview, from a different set

of

beliefs.

pital care,

Semmelweis’s theorv did not

and therefore

The only thing tion.

You

that

it

is

fit

with their beliefs about hos-

was not the truth

“true”

is

create reality (truth) by

that

them.

for

which you make true by

making

defini-

arbitrary distinctions out of

nothing. Whatever you distinguish becomes real (true) by the very fact

of your having into existence. into existence.

made It

the distinction.

The

distinction brings something

also serves as the definition of

The world

is

what has been brought

—but only because we

very nature, conscious beings

who

distinguish,

said so.

We are, by our

which means beings who

create “reality.”

Once you have

created a belief, you have created a reality in which

your belief is “the truth.” lief.

And your life becomes

You have constant evidence

that the belief

time even imagining possible behavior that belief. It is difficult to

it

I

change

like to

true.

You have

a

hard

not consistent with your feel as

existing in the world. So your behavior

continues to be consistent with your try to

is

eliminate or change the belief because you

though you actually perceive

you

is

consistent with that be-

belief,

even

if it is

dysfunctional and

it.

use this story as an illustration. Imagine

God

saying, “Let

I)M Technology

Principles of the

39

there be earth, with land and water,”

God

water. T hen

around the

said,

planet.”

So

think

I

God

starts sailing. After a while,

I

d

and there was earth with land and

is

make

land,

sailing

goes to earth, creates a boat, gets in

however, even

tinue sailing because the boat would

could

and go

like to visit earth

the land disappear

God would

bump

and continue

it,

God

But as long as there

sailing. sail

and

not be able to con-

into land. Obviously

which God created, even God could not

all

unimpeded around

the world.

5.

When You Eliminate a

Belief You \

Your Reality and Create Because things only

exist as a result

you dissolve or eliminate the

and making

it

how you

The new

call

now

have

no longer

fits

a figure

It

we learn that when thing” are changed, and when the distinction is

the “na-

changed,

it

we have

defined as a rec-

the definition of a triangle.

this illustration

other “things”

It’s

You

doesn’t exist. the unique attributes of a that

makes

it

unique from

disappears.

This principle explains what makes a belief disappear during the Process. In the

is

with equal angles. Notice you no

might say that the triangle has disappeared.

From

(A definition

describe a specific distinction.

a four-sided figure

figure

a triangle.

it

Now let s change the figure by adding one more

longer have a triangle. You tangle.

when The fol-

two-dimensional figure with three straight sides

ture of the distinction.) side

of distinctions you make,

my point.

from every other possible figure and nothing more than

New Possibilities

distinction, that reality disappears.

lowing exercise demonstrates Let’s distinguish a

Change

DM Process, you identify a specific belief, which

is

a

DM con-

you have that your way of viewing the world is “the truth,” as distinguished from all other views, which are not “the truth” they’re false. You then transform a statement that you consider to be “ the truth” into viction

—

a statement that

ment

is

you consider

no longer

a belief.

It

to

has

be

“