Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students: Wary and Weary Travelers 3031168070, 9783031168079

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Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students Wary and Weary Travelers John S. Levin

Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students

John S. Levin

Pathways and Experiences of FirstGeneration Graduate Students Wary and Weary Travelers

John S. Levin School of Education University of California Tucson, AZ, USA

ISBN 978-3-031-16807-9    ISBN 978-3-031-16808-6 (eBook) https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-16808-6 © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive licence to Springer Nature Switzerland AG, part of Springer Nature 2022 This work is subject to copyright. All rights are solely and exclusively licensed by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use. The publisher, the authors, and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the publisher nor the authors or the editors give a warranty, expressed or implied, with respect to the material contained herein or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations. This Palgrave Macmillan imprint is published by the registered company Springer Nature Switzerland AG. The registered company address is: Gewerbestrasse 11, 6330 Cham, Switzerland

Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated to Lee Stewart Levin, my trusted adult-lifelong companion and guide. As always, Lee is central to my book writing, but this particular book gained from her overall direction and goal setting. She, too, was a first-generation graduate student. I acknowledge first those graduate students who let me, as their teacher and advisor, follow their journeys in graduate school, several of whom let me into their lives. These include those I taught at the University of British Columbia, when I was a lecturer; Simon Fraser University and the University of Alberta, when I was a visiting professor; and University of Arizona, North Carolina State University, and the University of California, Riverside, when I was a professor. A few need to be specified for their particular place in my development. There were doctoral students who joined me in my research, and several who published scholarly work with me; doctoral students who worked with me intensively and patiently on their dissertations; and doctoral students from China who not only spent a year with me in California but also guided me in my China travels and lectures. Anning Ding, who was my student at the University of Arizona during his PhD program, is responsible for sending doctoral students from China to work with me and for ensuring that my travels in China were both educational and enlightening. Jianxiu Gu (Professor Gu), once a doctoral student in China (Nanjing Agricultural University), my collaborator on projects and publications, my host in Nanjing and Beijing, and my good friend, who has shared her family and her life’s experiences with me, worked with me in Riverside, California, for a year when she was a doctoral student. Junying Liu and Lei Zhou, who spent a year as doctoral v

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students from China with me in Riverside, California, guided me in China (Junying in Wuhan and in Suzhou; Lei in Shanghai) and helped me explain myself and my ideas to faculty and graduate students at Chinese universities. Both participated with me, along with Lu Jiang, a doctoral student from Nanjing Agricultural University, and other UC Riverside students in a research project on faculty and teaching. Siqi Wang, originally from China (Harbin and Shanghai), worked with me on the faculty and teaching project, completed her dissertation with me, and contributed to my knowledge of entrepreneurial faculty and their effects upon graduate students. Aida Aliyeva, a doctoral student at UC Riverside, worked with me on several projects and presented at conferences with me as did Laurencia Walker, Zach Herberler, and Tiffany Viggiano, who assisted me in data analysis for several research projects. These graduate students enlightened me on the thinking of doctoral students in their confrontation with academic research and scholarship. I acknowledge, as well, my students from Mexico, Virginia Montero Hernandez, Ariadna López-Damián, and Evelyn Morales Vázquez, who demonstrated to me their character as nonnative English speakers who not only obtained doctoral degrees but also had authored scholarly papers and publications, as well as achieved successful careers. More importantly, they shared aspects of their lives with me and gave me insight into their cultures. At UC Riverside, Marie Martin, John-Paul Wolf, Robert Stephens, Deborah Brandon, Paul Amaya, Michael Hoggatt, Leticia Pastrana, Sandra Jones, and Lana Nino were not only doctoral students but also full-time workers, administrators, and faculty, who completed their dissertations and degrees and who gave me much of themselves as they worked through their programs. Similar to doctoral students, Master’s students conveyed to me their experiences, perceptions, and ideas. My encounters with these students at the University of Arizona, North Carolina State University, and the University of California, Riverside broadened and deepened my knowledge of graduate students, both those who worked full-time outside of their graduate program and those who were full-time students. Second, I acknowledge those who without hesitation agreed to read a first draft of this book and give me their suggestions for improvement: Virginia Montero Hernandez, Evelyn Morales Vázquez, Raquel Rall, and Carlos Galan. These individuals gave up their time to provide me with valuable insights and advice.

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Third, I want to acknowledge those first-generation undergraduate students who I taught at the University of California, Riverside during the final years of my professional career, from 2017–2021. I tried to understand these students’ backgrounds and their aspirations, and I imagined them moving on to graduate school in the Arts and Sciences and Professional schools and on to professional careers, in a variety of fields. A number of these students conveyed their life stories to me, their experiences in high school, and their family lives. They were people of hope for the future, intending to make a difference in their communities, in particular, and the world, in general. In my instruction on a course, which was an introduction to higher education, and as I tried to weave the field of higher education with history, I was struck by their limited or nil understanding of what in the U.S. is referred to as the Vietnam War, and little understanding or recognition of the Holocaust and the Nazi regime, the Ku Klux Klan and its treatment and murder of African Americans, and only a vague sense of twentieth-century history, including World Wars and Social Movements such as the Women’s Suffrage and Civil Rights. I often wondered if this ignorance had a benefit. As well, I reflected on the significance of these understandings and recognitions. These were students of color primarily: Latinx, Asian Americans, African Americans, and many of mixed heritages. I also observed that these students, even though they were accomplished high school students, had difficulty with writing effective and correct prose, and of course, I sought to remedy this condition. Yet, at the same time, I recognized that these same students were bright, had excellent memories, and learned quickly, along with competency in information and electronic technologies. A number of these first-­ generation students called upon me to provide them with letters of recommendation for graduate school. As a result, I met with them to talk about their career plans and their interests in particular universities for graduate school. Asked by them to help them with their application letters, I was pleased to see that they had become competent writers and savvy candidates for graduate school. Finally, I acknowledge Lee Stewart Levin, my spouse who encouraged me to pursue a doctoral degree at the University of British Columbia, her alma mater, where she studied Canadian history and wrote about women’s experience at that university: “It’s Up to You”: Women at UBC in the Early

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Years (1990). Her foray into this history underlined the unequal and discriminatory treatment of women in higher education. The argument, of course, is not far from mine on first-generation graduate students. We both recognized that institutionalized, structural practices served only a few privileged groups and that these social and cultural manacles had to be eradicated.

Sources Individual stories of testimonies of graduate students are the sole primary sources used in this manuscript. All stories were solicited from students by a third party, with acknowledgment that the stories could be used for this book and the sources would be anonymous. This matter was discussed with Palgrave officials prior to the completion of the book contract.

Contents

1 Introduction:  First-Generation Graduate Students and Institutional Structure  1 2 Pathways and Journeys to Graduate School 25 3 Graduate  School Experiences of First-­Generation Graduate Students 55 4 The  Dialogues Explained: Barriers, Identity Dilemmas, and Institutional Behaviors117 5 Conclusions:  The Larger Story of the University and Its Students153 References193 Index205

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CHAPTER 1

Introduction: First-Generation Graduate Students and Institutional Structure

The Pitfalls and Challenges of Writing This Book Centrally, this book focuses upon a population of students—first-­ generation graduate students in the U.S.—and an institution, the U.S. university, particularly its graduate or post-baccalaureate programs that house and educate these students. Yet, to address these two topics, related subjects, such as institutional values and practices, national, cultural, and social values, and student demographics, must be considered as well. In order to do justice to this complex group of topics in higher education, I have chosen both novel and various approaches, and these may confound or confuse readers. Among these approaches is a form of auto-­ethnography, which reflects a transgressive form of writing, narratives or testimonials, and academic social science writing, largely aligned with the field of higher education scholarship. There are several voices in this book—that of a former university professor, that of an academic scholar, those of first-­ generation graduate students, and that of the scholarly literature itself. That is to say, the voices are points of view, and they are present to give not just a balanced view of students and the university but as well to provide a comprehensive understanding of the combination of the subjects presented. In part, because of the subjects of this book and in part because of my personal proclivities, there is no one message here and no set of guidelines for improvement of practice. This may strike social scientists, educators, and policy makers as odd, but my goal here is to convey phenomena © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2022 J. S. Levin, Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-16808-6_1

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that may lead to understandings. The phenomena of graduate students’ experiences and related university practices, with the practices connected to traditional academic and Western values and what I refer to as academic and neoliberal institutional logics,1 are the focal point of this book.

Background to the Project on First-Generation Graduate Students During my academic career, I have studied postsecondary education and observed organizational behaviors, including the behaviors of administrators, staff, faculty, students, and governing board members. My interests in students concern both their personal lives and histories and the treatment of them by institutions, including but not limited to universities and colleges. Other institutions such as governments, families, and the market, as well as primary and secondary schools, are of import for the treatment of college and university students. Twenty years ago, I began an investigation that developed into a study of disadvantaged students in U.S. higher education, with a specific focus upon community colleges and their students.2 That investigation benefitted from my many years as a community college instructor as well as a researcher on community colleges. Now, I bookend that research with an examination of graduate students and their experiences, with a focus upon first-generation students. 1  Institutional logics are explained in this chapter. They are deeply embedded in the practices of the contemporary U.S. university. For this discussion, these logics shape the behaviors and actions of university administrators, faculty, and support staff. 2  Community college students, by and large, are nontraditional students to the extent that they possess characteristics that differentiate them from the traditional image of U.S. college students. They are almost the majority of first-generation college students—the first in their family to participate in higher education—and more importantly, they have what are referred to as risk qualities that impede their progression to attain associate or baccalaureate degree credentials (Levin, 2014). Indeed, of the millions of community college students who enroll for credits, a large percentage (over 40%) do not complete two full terms of college, and in 2020 42% of 2019 students did not return (National Student Clearing House Research Center, 2021). For the millions of community college students who are not in credit programs, and not identified in national data bases, their characteristics (e.g., as English as a second-language learners, as students in Adult Basic Education programs) not only qualify them as nontraditional college students, but also impede them from high levels of educational, career, and economic attainment (Levin, 2014). These students were and are contained within a political-economic system that rewards achievement and advantages, in John Rawls’ words, the already advantaged.

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Students whose parents neither graduated from college nor attended college are a population that is both disadvantaged in potentials for college attendance, college graduation, and entry to graduate school. However, there is a substantial population of first-generation students who are resilient and accomplished in advancement to graduate school, in order to pursue a master’s or doctoral degree. In 2020, as I faced my final year as a professor, and encountered several graduate classes, comprised of students of color and first-generation graduate students, I reflected back over my undergraduate and graduate students to consider where they would arrive in their futures. I had always asked students where they were going—what jobs or careers intended—after they concluded their bachelor’s or master’s or doctoral degrees; indeed, when I met with them initially, I asked them to tell me their career aspirations. I would try to match these aspirations to their current degree program and let them know if I thought this was a reasonable match. Throughout my faculty career, I had thought about how students found their way to graduate programs, and in particular those students whose demographic backgrounds (such as first-generation, English as a second language students) militated against achievement of graduate school status. I have taught hundreds of graduate students in the field of Education, with most of the students in higher education programs, including dozens of first-generation graduate students. Additionally, I worked with several of these first-generation students on research projects and as their supervisor. As a professor at the University of Arizona, North Carolina State University, and University of California, Riverside, I was engaged with these students for a period of 28 years. As well, at the University of California, Riverside, as a teacher of undergraduate students, a majority of whom were students of color and first-generation college students, I met with students who wanted letters of recommendation for graduate school, and I talked with them about their personal and educational backgrounds. These personal experiences, as well as my time as a community college educator for some 23 years, informed me about various student populations, particularly student populations whose family backgrounds were void of formal postsecondary education and who themselves had limited access to academic conventions and little knowledge of academic institutional logics and expectations. My interactions with these students

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indicated to me that the institution as an academic enterprise was a foreign country for them, even though the social aspects, such as clubs and personal and group relationships, of college and university for many were not. During my years of working with graduate students, I concluded, and not without backup evidence from scholarship, that the institutional norms of the research university and the logic adopted by faculty and academic administrators were not compatible with the ever-increasing population of graduate students. Not only generational values and understandings had altered since the modern university of the 1960s took its basic form (Marginson, 2016) but also student social identities (such as race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, and gender) and communication technologies, particularly social media, had changed. That is to say that there was a growing gulf between academic institutionalized values and practices—what I refer to as an institutional logic (Hinings, 2012; Scott, 2014)—and the understandings, experiences, and preferences of students. I experienced this gulf on a daily basis, with undergraduates whose historical knowledge and expository writing skills were not matched to the expectations of curriculum in the social sciences and humanities and with graduate students whose writing skills in general were well-below expectations for undergraduates. Whereas the curriculum demanded a Euro-­ centric or Western-centric outlook and assumed acceptance of those tenets, the population of students of the past decade or more, including graduate students, neither venerated nor even recognized these products and practices. Whereas written communication in graduate programs demands academic essays in course work in the Humanities, Social Sciences, and Professional fields, Master’s capstone papers and theses, and dissertation proposals and dissertations in the doctoral programs, graduate students are often ill or under-prepared for the academic and compositional skills needed for this work (Chittum & Bryant Lauren, 2014). Even advanced doctoral students have serious difficulty in writing dissertations, including problems with writing and composition skills (Kamler & Thomson, 2014). For students whose native or home language is not English, and these comprise a substantial proportion of graduate students, and include both students from the U.S. as well as other countries, English writing and composition skills are not just challenges but barriers to educational progression, and impede educational attainment. In the U.S. as a whole a decade ago, more than 20% of the U.S. population spoke a non-English language at home. In Southern California, for an extreme example, over 85% of U.S. born second generation individuals

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spoke a language other than English at home. (Commission on Language and Learning, 2016). With over 1 million international students in U.S. colleges and universities, and of these over 300,000 are graduate students, and the large majority from non-English speaking countries (Open doors, 2020), there are large numbers of graduate students without English language competency. This is all to indicate that contemporary graduate students (as well as undergraduates) not only may lack English language competency, particularly in expository and academic writing, but also have experiences and understandings that are misaligned with the values and taken-for-granted assumptions of the academic domain of the university. Those first-­ generation students who find their way to graduate school, are admitted, and complete are among a small population: Their achievements are remarkable. Many first-generation students are not as accomplished or resilient, and many individuals whose parents did not participate in college do not find their way to college or do not persist as undergraduates. The majority who do find their way to college enter the community college for their first postsecondary experience. Although I have no animosity toward the U.S. community college—and this institution is a subject of many of my publications—the road from community college to university and ultimately graduate school is an arduous one, in part because of the bureaucratic and policy hurdles and in part because community college students take longer than two years to complete their programs, and time is correlated to completion. The longer the road to the baccalaureate degree, the less likely the attainment of that degree. Finances also impede first-­ generation students from persistence in college, and, as a population, first-­ generation students and their families have less disposable finances than non-first-generation students. The consequence of financial hardship is either non-attendance or attendance supplemented by work and time away from study. After six years as an undergraduate, and work and debt to pay for a university degree, first-generation students have to have a high level of motivation and a tolerance for debt in order to attend graduate school. Those who choose to be part-time graduate students and are full-­ time workers prolong their graduate program and have to balance work with study. Those who have families and who work full-or part-time also prolong their program and must try to cope with work, family, and study. As a professor of these students, I had difficulty with reconciling these students’ lives and obligations (family, finances, work) with my demands for them as graduate students. In hindsight, I recognize the lack of fit

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between many first-generation graduate students and graduate programs, the loss of potential graduate students—those who graduate with baccalaureate degrees but do not advance to graduate school—and the hardships experienced by first-generation students who struggled with academic expectations, including writing, with finances, and with time (family, work, study). My view is that universities can do better. University policies and practices can adjust to the requirements of first-generation students; faculty can be sensitive to this population, aware that there is a heterogenous student body, with some students in dire circumstances (e.g., in poverty, with mental health problems, with family members such as children who are ill). Graduate school, as well as undergraduate, curriculum can match more closely students’ educational needs (such as instruction in expository writing, assignments and projects that involve group work and oral communications, and preparation for a career). As well, universities can hire faculty who share some of the characteristics of first-generation students, both because these faculty can serve as role models for students and they have experiential understandings of first-­ generation students’ educational journeys. In order to make a difference in the lives of first-generation students, to educate and guide the person, faculty will have to know these students. The above is in no way to offer what in the scholarly literature is referred to as a deficit perspective of a population of students; however, first-­ generation college students do not achieve at the same level as their non-­ first-­generation counterparts. The gap is most obvious in baccalaureate attainment, with 56% of first-generation students either enrolled or had attained a bachelor’s degree after 6 years of undergraduate education in 2012 compared to 63 % of those who had one parent with some college/ university and 74% for those who had at least one parent with a bachelor’s degree (Cataldi et al., 2018). Differences in graduate school attendance, generally, between the two groups is not an enormous gap: hardly a gap at all at the Master’s level, but a gap at the doctoral level. In comparison to all undergraduate students who attained bachelor’s degrees in 2008, by 2012 10% of them had enrolled in a doctoral program, whereas the figure for first-generation students is 4% (Cataldi et al., 2018). Differences at the graduate level, particularly at the doctoral level, can be explained in various ways, although the scholarly literature does not offer numerous explanations or ones that are robust. The disparity issue, between first-generation college students and their non-first-generation peers at the undergraduate level suggests that academic preparation differences, social background

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issues, including family values, or even structural forms of discrimination may be at work. Those scholars who rely upon social or cultural capital theory explain that differences among populations in university or college attainment depend upon the knowledge set that undergraduates bring into the institution. First-generation college/university students have less of this capital than their non-first-generation peers. Those scholars who rely on critical theory or critical race theory argue that some student populations are discriminated against because of their social class, gender, or race. This discrimination is not random or individualized but structural: The view is that the college or university itself as an institution is biased and arranged so that those with particular characteristics (e.g., middle or upper class, White, male, heterosexual) will be accommodated and, indeed, advantaged. Others (e.g., students with disabilities, students of color, working-class students, LGBTQ+ students, and female students) will not be accommodated, at least not satisfactorily, and disadvantaged. These views have become mainstream in higher education scholarship on explanations for different student outcomes. I acknowledge the insight offered by these views, and I recognize them as valid. However, they are analytical, and although they can explain the basis of the problem, they do not provide remedies, short of implied moral shaming and consciousness raising. Furthermore, they offer little depth in the understanding of the experiences of those who are subject to bias or discrimination, or those who face hurdles and challenges associated with their population’s identity. In the case of first-generation graduate students, their experiences are not theoretical, and remedies for their problems, such as loneliness and isolation, stress and anxiety, lack of self-worth, abuse, and lack of achievement or persistence, or both, do not come from analysis and de-construction but rather from environmental change. First-­ generation graduate students, and first-generation college and university students, unlike other designated student populations categorized as students of color, or as affiliated with an ethnic or race group such as Latinx, African American, Native American, Pacific Islander, or Asian American, are an invisible group and largely ignored in research and studies on student experiences and student achievement. As graduate students their association is with their disciplinary or field-specific programs and norms, unlike undergraduates who are associated with the university or college and its behavioral practices and norms (Holley & Gardner, 2012).

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Graduate School in the U.S. The condition of graduate schools in the U.S. is not simple untidiness or disorder, not so much a mess as claimed (Cassuto, 2015) and more than a problem just in doctoral education. Graduate school includes Master’s programs and often postbaccalaureate programs. Even for doctoral programs, the problems of graduate school are not confined to ineffective or unsatisfactory employment outcomes for doctoral students, such as fewer tenure track faculty positions available at research universities than in the past. Fixes confined to doctoral programs (Cassuto &Weisbuch, 2021; Zahneis, 2021) are not reformations of graduate schools or graduate education. Furthermore, those fixes promoted have little relevance to student populations that are the focus of scholarly attention, such as students of color, students with disabilities, student-parents, international students, student-veterans, working-class students, and, in the case of the subject of this book, first-generation students. The condition of graduate schools in the U.S. results from the rationales and values that shape both colleges and universities, what I term academic logic and the effects of the political economy on colleges and universities, in the form of both policies and practices, what I term neoliberal logic. Thus, calls for improvements of graduate schools in the U.S. have ignored graduate students as diverse and complex populations.

The Project’s Graduate Students In addition to my professional interest in graduate students’ career aspirations, their academic and personal backgrounds, their work experiences, and their motivations for graduate degrees, I pondered over the pathways and experiences of students in movement to graduate school. I was particularly intrigued by students of color and students classified as

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first-generation college students.3 Students of color, those often characterized as under-represented minority students, whose social identities are African American, Latinx (or Latino/a, or Hispanic according to U.S. Census), and Native American, Asian American, and Pacific Islander (AANAPISI), are a longstanding focus of education policy makers, higher education scholars, and university and college administrators. The concern has been the comparatively low academic achievement of these populations—particularly African Americans, Latinx, and Native Americans—in higher education, particularly participation rates and graduation rates in baccalaureate programs. White and Asian students, including those who are first-generation college students, graduate at a rate that is 20% higher than other ethnic/racial groups (Shapiro et al., 2017). Asian Americans, as a diverse group, however, show mixed results in their educational achievement, with some populations at relatively high levels and rates and others at low levels and rates. There are other populations that concern educational policy makers, scholars, and administrators: students with disabilities, students who were foster children, student parents, and veterans. First-generation college students—those who are first in their families to attend postsecondary education institutions—have concerned policy makers, scholars, and administrators as well, in large part because of their comparatively low academic achievement compared to non-first-generation students, particularly students classified as White and Asian, who are not first-generation college students. Compared to college students with parents who both attained a baccalaureate degree and have an 80% rate of attainment of a baccalaureate degree, college students with neither parent with college 3  Graduate students of color can constitute 32% of all graduate students (American Council on Education, 2021), yet their experiences depend upon program areas, a context where they are socialized and occupy for the duration of their graduate work. For students of color in the Sciences and Engineering (and STEM generally), they are without a social identity community; for students in Humanities, Social Sciences, and Education, the presence of other students of color can be a mediating effect between these students’ sense of difference and isolation and a sense of community. By and large, graduate students of color are conscious, every day, of their social identity as people of color (Haley et al., 2014). They express an awareness of the influences of their racial/ethnic identities—their skin color—on the behaviors of others towards them, including other graduate students and faculty. Their motivations for graduate school fall into two streams: for those in the social sciences, humanities, and education, their motives are in the main to improve the experiences and outcomes for people of color, as well as knowledge about these populations. For those in the STEM fields, they are motivated by serving as role models for other people of color (Levin et al., 2013).

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experience have a 20% rate of attainment of a baccalaureate degree (PEW Research Center, 2021). The gap is too large to ignore or to consider as a non-significant difference. Although one definition of first-generation college students includes the characteristic that neither parent has a bachelor’s degree, this definition is too broad and covers 59% of all colleges students as of the 2015/16 academic year, and does not include a large population of students who attend college but not in credit programs. A more specific definition, and the one that I use, characterizes first-generation students as those with parents who have no participation in postsecondary education; this definition indicates that first-generation students constitute 24% of all college students (Center for First-Generation Student Success, 2022; U.S. Department of Education, 2016). This definition concurs with that in a 2007 report on first-generation students (Saenz et al., 2007), and is used in more recent reports (e.g., PEW Research Center, 2021). The benefit of this definition is that it excludes students whose parents—one or both—had attended a college or university, even though they did not graduate. These parental experiences—the navigation of college or university, expectations for student performance, admissions and financial aid processes—can be passed on to their children and thus differentiate college students whose parents have familiarity with postsecondary education and those who do not.

The Problematical Nature of the First-Generation Term and the Classification of People by This Term In spite of the considerable body of literature on first-generation college students and the growing body of first-generation graduate students, there is a serious problem with the majority of this literature. That problem comes in three parts. First, the term first-generation student is defined and used in various and incompatible ways. Second, the categorization of groups of people into a homogenous category, whatever the definition of first-generation, provides only a superficial understanding of both groups and people. Third, the implications for practice are bound to be either wrong for a large population of students or correct for only a small population. The first two parts of the problem are dealt with in some depth by Thai-Huy Nguyen and Bach Mai Dolly Nguyen (2018) in their critique of the term “first-generation student.” They view the term as a

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“conundrum” because this term ignores differences across the multiple experiences and backgrounds of these students; the term claims that students’ experiences in higher education are shaped by or even the result of their first-generation status and ignores other characteristics or conditions that may have a larger role in students’ experiences. To balance this problem in the literature, Nguyen and Nguyen suggest that intersectionality will suffice to offset this part of the problem. Although I support in part their view and offer intersectionality as one framework for the analysis of the experiences of first-generation graduate students (see Chap. 4), I suggest that Nguyen and Nguyen have latched onto intersectionality without the consideration that this term, too, has its problems in the analysis of students and their experiences. Intersectionality at the outset is used historically and presently to explain inequality. Its assumption is that certain populations have unequal outcomes compared to other populations, and this assumption is consistent with scholarship on inequality for groups (Massey, 2007). However, the assumption of inequality does not work for individuals, and if one is examining and explaining the experiences of college students who are classified as first-generation, even with the framework of intersectionality, then individual experience has to become generalized into group experience. Thus, an individual graduate student who may be the first in their family to attend college is merged with a group of students who are first in their families to attend college, and that individual’s experience is associated with a group’s experiences. The scholarly literature offers a binary view: first-generation compared to non-first generation. The intersectional view, although comprehensive and nuanced, brings in multiple categories of race, gender, social class, and perhaps dis/ abled and sexual orientation, and suggests that each category, social class for example, will include all individuals in the category and assumes similar if not identical challenges, or hardships, or barriers—conditions of inequality for individuals in that category. The third part of the problem for the majority of literature on first-­ generation students pertains to practice. Practice based upon misleading, erroneous, or even suspect research and scholarship is unlikely to help populations of college and university students classified as first-generation. The problems for this population, generally, have continued for decades, in spite of numerous interventions at colleges and universities. Their participation in postsecondary education, their academic performance, and their persistence in undergraduate studies and subsequent degree

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completion continue to lag behind non-first-generation students (Cataldi et al., 2018).

Institutionalism: Connections to First-Generation Student Experience Throughout my experiences as a university professor, including my engagement with students, my work on university committees, and my research projects, I developed understandings of universities and colleges based upon patterns of behavior and rationales, implied or explicit. Those who participated in universities and colleges—students, faculty, staff, administrators, and governing board members—followed a script, as if they participated in a play. My background in literature and my attachment to literary mythology (particularly to Western literature) pulled me to view behaviors and actions of higher education organizations as similar to literary patterns. University and college structured life, even the undramatic quarters and semesters, courses and credits, examinations and assignments, lectures and labs, as well as the more theatrical or scripted convocations, award ceremonies, and senate meetings, is patterned, predictable, and pervasive across postsecondary institutions.4 The U.S. university, particularly the research university, which is the site for almost all of the graduate students in this project, and the site for all of the doctoral students, has a dominant institutional logic,5 one that has 4  Scott (2014), the institutional theorist, argues that institutions are built on and function around three pillars or systems: the regulative, the normative, and the cognitive or cultural. The regulative consists of rules, laws, and policies that emanate from legal authorities, which can be the State and the institution itself, which develop policies to regulate behaviors. The normative pillar or system includes the values and norms that an institution deems appropriate and legitimate. The cognitive or cultural pillar or system includes those agreed-upon interpretations or meanings of institutional life and those taken-for-granted assumptions of institutional members. These systems provide an institution with stability, and they ensure that universities and colleges are similar in their behaviors and actions, and that includes the participants within universities and colleges, whose behaviors are structured—shaped and influenced by the three systems. 5  Institutions are driven in their behaviors and actions by logics—rationales, goals, and explanations for actions—shaped by and sustained by their sector or field (Thornton et al., 2012). The sectors of the professions, the corporation, the state, the family, religions, and the market are those identified as the major ones in Western countries (Thornton et al., 2005). Education is a broad institutional field, one that spans sectors, and, arguably, the university is an institutional field, a field that spans the globe.

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developed since the early twentieth century with the rise of the research university in the U.S., and a secondary institutional logic, prominent since the late 1970s. These institutional logics propel institutions to act and these logics shape behaviors. They are systems of meaning and the rationales for the actions of institutional members. The dominant logic in the U.S. university is an academic logic; the secondary logic is a business logic, known widely in the present as market or neoliberal logic (Levin et  al., 2020). Institutions—primary and secondary schools, community colleges, four-year colleges, and universities—establish and maintain standards and practices, as well as policies and norms for behaviors. Universities, not just in the U.S. but globally, have developed an academic culture, an environment or context where specific values are accepted as the common basis for practices. These values, although they shift in emphasis over the decades and by national identity, include academic freedom, professional autonomy, bicameral or shared governance, peer judgment, collegiality and consensus, and merit—all supportive of the pursuit and dissemination of knowledge (Clegg, 2008; Finkelstein et al., 2016; Gappa et al., 2007; Levin, 2017; Tight, 2014). None of these values is explicit about content but rather leave that to the academic professionals themselves, who collectively institutionalize practices. That is to say that the values do not specify a particular curriculum or method (of instruction, of research, of judgment, or of dissemination). Again, these are institutionalized by the academic professionals, ideally by consensus, or failing consensus then by a critical mass of academic professionals. The secondary institutional logic, business or market or neoliberal logic, in various guises has become a global university phenomenon, through policy and practice (Seddon, Ozga, & Levin, 2013). With characteristics including accountability, financial productivity, employee productivity, market relevancy, and competition, the university is labeled a business and a corporation. This logic is not just based upon individual financial worth and potential but upon surveillance so that the individual and their work are assessed, rated, and ultimately judged as worthy or not. The university as an organization is also subject to this logic and judged comparatively with other universities. With these judgments of both individuals and organizations come financial rewards or financial penalties. Students come to be considered as products, as does faculty research, with teaching (student numbers, courses taught) as a measurement of work productivity. Universities are rated as acceptable places for students and for high-performing faculty; universities are judged by numerous systems:

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by research productivity, by faculty awards or distinctions, by facility quality and quantity, by selectiveness for student admission, by financial worth, by programs, by student outcomes, and by reputation. Judgment results in a hierarchy of prestige and legitimacy, which becomes financial gain. The literature is replete with explanations of the effects of business practices and policies on the academic culture of the university. In the overwhelming majority of discussions, the business logic of the university is viewed as antithetical to academic logic. However, in practice both logics operate concurrently, and the business logic has become enmeshed in academic practices (Bok, 2003; Levin et al., 2020). Academic logic has shaped an academic culture in U.S. universities which is not always compatible with first-generation student characteristics. Yet, that academic culture is one that certifies student attainment and the context for the aspirations of first-generation graduate students. Although undergraduate students do not necessarily attend college or university for academic purposes, and in the U.S. initial attendance is rather for the college experience –a social life, adolescent development, and personal pleasure (Nathan, 2005)—the academic culture is the structure that supervises and judges their formal learning behaviors. For first-generation students, this academic culture is alien to their personal experiences, and they arrive at college or university with only high school (and some with only homeschooling) as their guide for postsecondary experience. Furthermore, for those with parents, and as well themselves, as U.S. immigrants, and possibly non-native English speakers, their understandings of U.S. politics, governance, laws and customs, and society generally can be in a formative stage. Non-immigrant populations such as Native Americans and barrio and inner-city Latinx and African American first-generation students as well have little or no attachment to or understanding of this academic culture, and their rationales for college or university attendance are likely the result of influence by institutional agents—a high school counselor, a high school teacher, a coach, or a college or university recruiter—who convinced them that college or university attendance had benefits (social and economic) and that they could survive. Yet, there was a taken-for-granted assumption that to survive, these first-generation students would have to jettison their social class and related ethnic identities, that is, detach themselves from communities that stood in the way of their attachment to the academic culture that was the embodiment of college or university.

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The large body of literature that treats the integration-isolation problem for students in universities and colleges began with assumptions that college and university students were largely traditional students (i.e., direct entry from high school, middle class, and not students of color), and that separation-integration was largely a movement away from adolescence and family toward maturity and college or university affiliation, socially and academically. That assumption was based upon the concept of in loco parentis, prominent in the U.S. until the 1960s, that the university or college would act in place of students’ parents, and thus the transfer of obligations, responsibilities, and allegiance from parents to the institution would enable students to align themselves with the college or university. First-generation students, students of color, international students, non-binary identity students, students with disabilities, adult students (those 25 years of age and older), student parents, veterans, and others comprise a significant, if not a majority, population of college and university students in 2022 and for the past several decades. These students cannot be expected to integrate socially with their institutions, as one community; nor can these populations be expected to achieve academic integration, particularly with their personal backgrounds largely alien to academic life and with their academic participation as a less than full-time endeavor (in large part because of work and family responsibilities). Whereas academic logic is central to the identity of a university, market logic has over the past four decades become an accepted presence in the actions of universities in the U.S. and, in the main, globally. Market logic for U.S. universities has resulted in the recruitment of large numbers of nontraditional students, including first-generation students and students of color. As U.S. postsecondary education expanded, particularly from the 1960s onward, influenced by California’s Master Plan (Marginson, 2016), student demographics altered as universities and colleges recruited new populations, and growth in student numbers resulted in increased revenues from the state for public institutions and from tuition and students’ room and board for private institutions. Feeding this rise in new student populations were government incentives and funding from foundations. Market logic of universities understood first-generation students and students of color as commodities. Moreover, the performance of universities, judged from the perspective of market logic, became more prominent at the same time that new student populations were in attendance. These populations were identified as students of color, or under-­ represented populations, and their academic performance, particularly

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their persistence and graduation rates, was called into question and deemed to be insufficient, in large part because of their comparison to two other populations, White and Asian students. The concern was not so much over social class (which might be viewed as a proxy for parents’ educational background) but over racial inequality. University efforts, foundation grants, and government incentives and programs were remedies aimed at the low rates of persistence. Student drop-out or stoppage before the completion of a baccalaureate degree became a crisis condition for higher education, and this was portrayed as a national and state economic concern as the workforce of the future (as well as, in claims, the present) would not be internationally competitive. The assumption was and continues to be that if resources are used to support and develop under-­ represented populations, then graduation rates would rise. Students’ completion of programs and degrees was not only an economic matter but also a prestige issue. For universities, high rates of student graduation correlate with university prestige in ratings and rankings. Thus, market logic faces the dilemma of a university’s recruitment of students which will add revenues but will also affect a university’s graduation rates. An economically sound decision on the part of universities is to recruit students of color who are not first-generation students, although perhaps not deliberately. With this population, the university can be judged as responsive to social concerns about racial equity and ensure that its prestige as a high performing university is not jeopardized. In their data collection work on first-generation students—those whose parents do not have postsecondary experience—Redford and Hoyer calculated that 6% of this population attended highly selective four-year postsecondary institutions as the institution first attended, whereas for students with one or more parent with experience and a degree at the postsecondary level, 28% attended a highly selective four-year institution (Redford & Hoyer, 2017). Clearly, highly selective universities and colleges preferred students with the likelihood of persistence and graduation. Fifty-two percent of the first-generation students, compared to 28% of non-first-generation students, attended a community or technical college as their first (and perhaps only) institution. College experiences for first-generation students then, in the main, at least initially based upon institutional type alone, were not the same as their non-first-generation peers. Students learn, are socialized into, the academic culture of their university. For first-generation students, this entails socialization into a foreign environment. Those who move on to graduate school are again socialized

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into the expectations and standards of graduate schools and programs, as well as to professional careers (Winkle-Wagner et al., 2010). My undergraduate students at the University of California, Riverside, who performed well in their undergraduate programs—and the majority of these students were first-generation students—did consider graduate studies. Those who knew me as their professor would ask for letters of recommendation for graduate programs. Almost all of these students had no or little knowledge of the application and admissions practices and judgments, or of the requirements and expectations of academic programs of graduate school beyond what they read on university websites. My Master’s students—again, the majority were first-generation students—found their experience of their graduate program, particularly the first year, to be beyond their initial imaginings, as they expected instead a continuation of undergraduate studies. Master’s students who had stepped out of university studies after undergraduate programs and were returning to the university after a period of absence, some up to a decade or more, found the work requirements of their program to be unmanageable, especially if they were working or if they had families, or both. A common claim by these students was that they were inadequate in abilities to do well or complete a Master’s program. Yet, they persevered, adapted to the expectations, and graduated. My doctoral students most of whom were not first-generation college students, although there were exceptions, struggled, as well, with the expectations for their learning of the subjects and the writing requirements, both quality and quantity. These doctoral students in most circumstances excelled in course work, but the trouble began and continued with dissertation preparation, research, and writing. That is to say, doctoral students, first-generation or not, have difficulties with the doctoral program, especially the PhD programs. These difficulties are more pronounced with first-generation college students in doctoral programs. Arguably, it is the faculty who can come to the rescue of first-generation graduate students. However, faculty, both as a result of their socialization and as a consequence of institutional norms and requirements, teach, guide, advise, and reward graduate students according to practices that these faculty experienced themselves. They may modify these practices— perhaps to extend more empathetic behaviors towards graduate students than were extended to them—but the essential elements of those practices applied to them as graduate students are reproduced. Furthermore, faculty are guided by academic logic: the norms of the university and the conventions of their academic tribe or discipline (Becher, 1989). Without

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alteration to university practices and faculty behaviors, then, first-­ generation graduate students, both their presence in graduate programs and their degree attainment, as well as their career paths, will rely upon personal resilience and near-accidental support from institutional agents, such as empathetic faculty, administrators, and staff.

The Approach Taken and My Position in the Presentation Primary Sources Both my experiences with graduate students and my specific concerns with first-generation graduate students led me to questions about this population’s journeys to and experiences in graduate school, questions that were not answered in the scholarly literature. Nor were my concerns addressed about graduate school as perhaps misaligned with student demographics and students’ knowledge and skills. In order to hear from these first-­ generation graduate students, in 2020, I asked first-generation graduate students at numerous universities to write to me about their journeys to and experiences in graduate school, Master’s or doctoral programs, or professional post-baccalaureate programs such as Medicine or Law. A doctoral student at the University of California, Riverside who was a student in several of my courses—Carlos Galan—provided me with research assistance for this project. Because Carlos was a peer of other graduate students, as well as an immigrant from El Salvador, a self-identified Latino, we decided that he would recruit first-generation graduate students, nationally, to write their stories for us. Because of the promise of anonymity, I was not privy to the identities of these students, which included their universities of attendance, unless students provided these, and the full names of students. Carlos had contacts throughout the U.S. in part because of his studies at three different universities, his engagement in various student bodies and associations, and his use of social media. We collected 34 stories, of which 31 were used because they conformed to my definition of first-generation college students. These stories, or testimonies, form the empirical evidence for my discussion.

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Both personal and scholarly For this book, I rely upon not only scholarly research but also my own research and professional experiences. In an attempt to bridge the two worlds, often quite distinct, of research and practice, I offer what scholars can claim and what personal experience can just add but enrich the discussion of both a student population and the functioning of the university. In Chaps. 1 and 5, as a former academic professional, I am intrusive in the discussion as I offer my own observations based upon decades of experience in universities; in Chap. 4, I offer an analysis of student testimonies in my role as researcher and scholar; and in between, in Chaps. 2 and 3, I enter the presentation of first-generation student testimonies as a commentator, as both a scholar and primarily as a professor who has observed and advised hundreds of graduate and undergraduate students. The Audience and Readability My intent is to offer a book on a serious but overlooked topic in higher education that appeals to academic professionals, university practitioners, students, and the public. Furthermore, my intent is to give voice and attention to first-generation graduate students. This is not a simple goal to accomplish. My background is an academic one, and my published writing has been academic in content and style. In this book, I attempt to thread the needle, so to speak, with both academic content and style as well as a pedestrian approach. My personal professional life informs a good deal of what is here, and my personal intrusions (the use of “I”) are intended to reflect knowledge and understanding based upon personal experience. Although I use citations, I do so sparingly, particularly in Chaps. 2 and 3. I use footnotes when appropriate so that the reader can ignore citations and academic commentary. First-generation undergraduate students who are considering graduate school may gain insight from the testimonies of first-generation graduate students, and first-generation graduate students may achieve solace in their recognition of others’ similar experiences to their own. Academic professionals, university faculty in particular, may consider their own practices toward student populations and amend these to accommodate and support first-generation students. Moreover, these academic professionals may recognize that their practices are based on an academic logic that does not suit contemporary student populations or specific populations such as

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first-generation students. I am under no illusions, however, that my book will alter institutional patterns of behavior let alone academic values of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. University practitioners, university administrators in particular and including senior leaders, may recognize the problems of policies based upon neoliberal logic and how these affect student populations, in this case first-generation students. Such policies that commodify students, treat them as customers or products or both, and that rely upon an audit approach to university behaviors, are not in the interests or in the development of students. Such policies that homogenize students do not serve specific populations in either a salient or benign way. Again, I am under no illusions that university administrators will abandon policies and practices based upon neoliberal logic, but this book may lead to some reflection and perhaps adjustments to policies and practices that benefit student populations. The public as a whole may gain insight into the difficulties of universities in their efforts to educate graduate students and the problems that graduate students, particularly first-generation graduate students and others with similar characteristics (e.g., students of color, student-parents, students with disabilities, and international students), have in navigating and persisting in graduate school. The effects of near-retirement and retirement of a professional My thoughts for this project began the year before my retirement from my university. At that point, I had curtailed active research, except for one project with former doctoral students, and I had little engagement with my professional community outside my university. Additionally, I reduced my reading of scholarly work in my field. At near retirement, or close to three years before I did retire, I shifted my professional emphasis from scholarship and currency in the literature to a focus upon teaching and advising undergraduate and graduate students as well as assisting several doctoral students in the completion of their dissertations. What this means for this book is that I am not as current in or connected to my professional scholarly field as I was in the time period that preceded my retirement, that is prior to 2018. This detachment from my professional field accelerated once I retired. But, that same period and into my retirement gave me time and space to reflect upon the university and graduate students, as well as first-generation students, minoritized students, international students, students with disabilities, and mature students such as veterans, students with families, and students who return to higher education after a prolonged absence. In retirement and while I wrote this book, I recalled the actions of my universities, particularly the University of

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California during the 2006-2021 period when I was employed at this university. During this period, I served on numerous committees and reviewed numerous policy documents, both from my own organization, the University of California, Riverside, and the University of California as a whole. Irrespective of my research and my students’ dissertations which included sources from the University of California, California State Universities, and California community colleges, I was an active participant in California higher education, particularly at the University of California, Riverside. For example, I was an interim Dean of the Graduate School of Education, and I participated in management meetings and university committees in that capacity. I was a member of several university Academic Senate committees, including the Senate Executive committee, the Privilege and Tenure committee (an oddly named grievance-type committee for faculty), the Academic Freedom committee, the Education Policy committee, and the Teaching Evaluation committee. Finally, I was an active participant in the Graduate School of Education, not only as Interim Dean but also as convener of a graduate program for a dozen years, the creator of a graduate program, and as a member of committees, including the Graduate Advisory committee, the Undergraduate committee, and the School’s executive committee. In retirement, I look back on these experiences both individually and collectively and come to conclusions about the university. These conclusions based on present-day reflections have effects upon the content of this book. But retirement also means that I am removed from my professional field and that the motivations that drove me during my professional career are no longer present.

The Chapters to Follow: A Brief Summary These chapters elaborate on the experiences of first-generation graduate students as well as on the institutional effects upon their experiences. Chapters 2 Pathways and journeys to graduate school The stories or testimonies of first-generation graduate students convey personal reflections on their experiences enroute to graduate school. These testimonies of Master’s and doctoral students and a medical student express the barriers these students have overcome and their self-development as they made their way to graduate school and in graduate school. They are among the small percentage of first-generation students to move on to graduate school. The testimonies point out the social and institutional structures that shaped their journeys as well as those actors who supported and guided them.

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Chapter 3 Graduate school experiences of first-generation graduate students These stories or testimonies of first-generation graduate students detail their experiences in graduate school, as well as, in part, their journeys or pathways to graduate school. The testimonies in this chapter and in Chapter One come from students with a high level of academic attainment—they have completed bachelor’s degrees, some completed Master’s degrees, and some doctoral degrees, and the majority are currently in graduate programs, either Master’s or doctoral, with one in law school and one in medical school. First-generation status for all of these students subjects them to an institution, at the undergraduate level, and particularly at the graduate level, where the academic norms, including standards of performance, and the socialcultural expectations are not self-evident. These students do not have family members, particularly parents, who can convey either their university or college experiences to them or educate them in the ways of undergraduate and graduate programs and the ways to navigate the college or the university. Chapter 4 The Dialogues Explained: Barriers, Identity Dilemmas, and Institutional Behaviors This chapter explains the students’ testimonies and relates these to scholarship and research. These issues include personal identity dilemmas, the origin of barriers to educational aspirations, restrictive and damaging institutional behaviors, as well as beneficial institutional behaviors. Chapter 5 Conclusions: The Larger Story of the University and its Students Here, I examine the policies and practices of U.S. higher education and I discuss these in light of the characteristics and experiences of first-­ generation graduate students. What is central here is the disconnection between the policies and practices of universities in the U.S. and the needs of first-generation students. This final chapter offers suggestions for changes to graduate education that will suit not only first-generation students but also the majority of graduate students. Both this chapter and the book as a whole aim to point out the considerable inequities that a large population of students—first-generation students—face.

References American Council on Education. (2021). Race and ethnicity in higher education. https://www.equityinhighered.org/indicators/enrollment-­i n-­g raduate-­ education/race-­and-­ethnicity-­of-­u-­s-­graduate-­students/ Becher, T. (1989). Academic tribes and territories. SRHE and Open University Press.

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Bok, D. (2003). Universities in the marketplace: The commercialization of higher education. Princeton University Press. Cassuto, L. (2015). The graduate school mess: What caused it and how we can fix it. Harvard University Press. Cassuto, L., & Weisbuch, R. (2021). The new PhD: How to build a better graduate education. The Johns Hopkins University Press. Cataldi, E.  F., Bennett, C.  T., Chen, X., & RTI International. (2018). First-­ generation students: College access, persistence, and postbachelor’s outcomes. Stats in brief. U. S. Department of Education, NCES 2018-421, February. Center for First-Generation Student Success. Firstgen.naspa.org. Accessed May 16, 2022. Chittum, J.  R., & Bryan, L.  H. (2014). Reviewing to learn: Graduate student participation in the professional peer-review process to improve academic writing skills. International Journal of Teaching and Learning in Higher Education, 26(3), 473–484. Clegg, S. (2008). Academic identities under threat? British Educational Research Journal, 34(3), 329–345. Commission on Language and Learning. (2016). The state of languages in the U.S.: A statistical portrait. American Academy of Arts and Sciences. Finkelstein, M. J., Martin Conley, V., & Schuster, J. H. (2016). The faculty factor: Reassessing the American academy in a turbulent era. Johns Hopkins University Press. Gappa, J.  M., Austin, A.  E., & Trice, A.  G. (2007). Rethinking faculty work: Higher education’s strategic imperative. Jossey-Bass. Haley, K., Jaeger, A., & Levin, J. (2014). The influence of cultural identity on graduate student choice. Journal of College Student Development, 55(2), 101–119. Hinings, B. (2012). Connections between institutional logics and organizational culture. Journal of Management Inquiry, 21(1), 98–101. Holey, K. A., & Gardner, S. (2012). Navigating the pipeline: How socio-cultural influences impact first-generation doctoral students. Journal of Diversity in Higher Education, 5(2), 112–121. Kamler, B., & Thomson, P. (2014). Helping doctoral students write: Pedagogies for supervision (2nd ed.). Routledge. Levin, J. S. (2014). Nontraditional students and community colleges: The conflict of justice and neoliberalism, revised edition. Palgrave Macmillan. Levin, J. S. (2017). Community colleges and new universities under neoliberal pressures: Organizational change and stability. Palgrave Macmillan. Levin, J. S., Jaeger, A., & Haley, K. (2013). Graduate student dissonance: Graduate students of color in a U. S. research university. Journal of Diversity in Higher Education, 6(4), 231–244. Levin, J. S., Martin, M. C., & López-Damián, A. I. (2020). University management, the academic profession, and neoliberalism. SUNY Press. Marginson, S. (2016). The dream is over: The crisis of Clark Kerr’s California idea of higher education. University of California Press.

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Nathan, R. (2005). My freshman year: What a professor learned by becoming a student. Cornell University Press. National Student Clearing House Research Center. (2021). Persistence and retention: Fall 2019 beginning cohort. Nguyen, T.-H., & Nguyen, B.  M. D. (2018). Is the “first-generation student” term useful for understanding inequality? The role of intersectionality in illuminating the implications of an accepted—yet unchallenged—term. Review of Research in Education, 42, 146–176. Open doors. (2020). Enrollment trends. opendoorsdata.org PEW Research Center. (2021). First-generation college graduates lag behind their peers on key economic outcomes. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-­ trends/2021/05/18/first-­generation-­college-­graduates-­lag-­behind-­their-­ peers-­on-­key-­economic-­outcomes/psdt_05-­18-­21_parental-­education-­00-­1/ Redford, J., & Hoyer, K. M. (2017). First generation and continuing generation college students: A comparison of high school and postsecondary experiences. Stats in brief. U. S. Department of Education. Saenz, V., Hurtado, S., Barrera, D., Wolf, D., & Yeung, F. (2007). First in my family: A profile of first-generation college students at four-year institution since 1971. Higher Education Research Institute, UCLA. Scott, W. R. (2014). Institutions and organizations (4th ed.). Sage. Seddon, T., Ozga, J., & Levin, J. S. (2013). Global transitions and teacher professionalism. In T.  Seddon & J.  S. Levin (Eds.), World Yearbook of Education 2013. Educators, professionalism and politics: Global transitions, national spaces, and professional projects (pp. 3–24). Routledge. Shapiro, D., Dundar, A., Huie, F., Wakhungu, P., Yuan, X., Nathan, A & Hwang, Y.  A. (2017, April). A national view of student attainment rates by race and ethnicity  – Fall 2010 cohort. (Signature Report No. 12b). National Student Clearinghouse Research Center. Thornton, P. H., Jones, C., & Kury, K. (2005). Institutional logics and institutional change in organizations: Transformation in accounting, architecture, and publishing. Research in the Sociology of Organizations, 23, 125–170. Thornton, P.  H., Ocasio, W., & Lounsbury, M. (2012). The institutional logics perspective: A new approach to culture, structure, and process. Oxford University Press. Tight, M. (2014). Collegiality and managerialism: A false dichotomy? Tertiary Education and Management, 20(4), 294–306. U. S. Department of Education. (2016). National Center for Education Statistics, 2015–16 National Postsecondary Student Aid Study (NPSAS:16). NPSAS:16. Winkle-Wagner, R., Johnson, S.  D., Morelon-Quainoo, C., & Santiague, L. (2010). A sense of belonging: Socialization factors that influence the transition of students of color into advanced degree programs. In S. K. Gardner & P. Mendoza (Eds.), On becoming a scholar (pp. 179–199). Stylus. Zahneis, M. (2021). What’s wrong with graduate education  — and 2 scholars’ view on how to fix it. The Chronicle Review, January 15, 2021.

CHAPTER 2

Pathways and Journeys to Graduate School

Introduction In this chapter and in the following one, I present the narratives of first-­ generation college students who have journeyed to graduate school. I also refer to these as accounts or testimonies: They are unprompted reflections of lived experiences.1 These accounts are presented as they were given to me—unabridged. All but three of these students are unknown to me. Graduate students were solicited for their stories by a PhD student who was working with me on this project, Carlos Galan. He reached out to his network of graduate students, largely in California, although several were graduate students in other states. Students were asked to write about their experiences and thoughts on their journeys to graduate school as well as their experiences within graduate school. They were offered anonymity, but asked to select names for themselves, whether or not they were actual names or pseudonyms. If they chose to identify their universities or programs, that was a choice left to them. Their institutions and programs are not hidden unless the students themselves obscured the names of 1  There is some similarity of these narratives, or testimonies, or accounts to what in the literature on Latinx students and faculty are referred to as testimonio (Espino et al., 2012). This literature, however, suggests that testimonio is also a technique to identify and elucidate oppression and to privilege Latinas’ ways of knowing in contrast to Eurocentric feminist frameworks. I make no such claims for the narratives or testimonies here, although a large percentage of these testimonies come from Latinas.

© The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2022 J. S. Levin, Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-16808-6_2

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institutions and programs. There is no intent on my part here to vilify or praise universities, colleges, or programs. These stories were written in 2021 (with the exception of Carlos’, which was written at the beginning of 2022). The stories or testimonies of first-generation graduate students convey personal reflections on their experiences, and I take them as authentic, unchallenged views. These testimonies are presented in whole, in the form and content they were given to me. In this chapter, the students’ testimonies focus largely upon their pathways and journeys to graduate school. In Chap. 3, the students’ testimonies focus largely upon their experiences in graduate school. Prior to each student’s testimony, I offer a commentary, which is both descriptive and explanatory of what follows. This commentary is intended to provide the reader with a sense of what is expressed in the testimony, and if relevant to connect the testimony to broader, less personal issues. There is little analysis of the testimonies in Chaps. 2 and 3. Rather, an analysis and extensive explanation of these testimonies occur in Chap. 4. The one exception for anonymity among these students’ testimonies is Carlos, who both recruited these students and asked them on my behalf to write about their experiences, and who has his own experiences to convey. In his case, there is no anonymity: Carlos is a PhD student at the University of California, Riverside. His testimony is presented first. He has given me permission to use his name and his testimony. Carlos was a student of mine as well as a teaching assistant on several occasions. Carlos’ testimony displays both his pathways to graduate school and his experiences in graduate school. I present his first as an example of the emphases of each chapter. His testimony is analyzed in some depth in Chap. 4.

Carlos, PhD in Educational Administration and Policy, Public Research University in California Commentary on Carlos’ Testimony Carlos relates both the experiences of a U.S. immigrant and a first-­ generation university student on his way to and through graduate school. His early high school experiences gave him both academic confidence in the form of good grades and a mentor who helped him to navigate his undergraduate studies and supported his direction toward graduate school. Although early fears and anxieties as an immigrant in high school might have become resolved, replaced by confidence during his undergraduate period and into his master’s degree program, at the onset of his

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doctoral program these fears and anxieties re-surfaced. His first year in a doctoral program was an isolating experience, with an accompanying sense of detachment from the program. The pressures to do well, which had motivated him in high school and in his undergraduate and Master’s programs, restrained him from accomplishment in coursework. The first months of a doctoral program are intense and anxiety producing for all students. Some programs do not do well in early socialization, integration, and interactions with doctoral students, which was probably the case for Carlos. Advisor and supervisor roles are critical to a graduate student’s experiences,2 as was the case for Carlos. Without an understanding and thoughtful advisor and a demanding and reasonable, yet compassionate, supervisor (who may be one and the same person), a doctoral student is vulnerable to detachment from the program, able to drift away from academic demands, potential to drop out of the PhD program, and if continuing in the program subject to a long and unpleasant dissertation process. Carlos’ accomplishments are many, and his arrival at the dissertation stage as a second language English speaker is commendable, but a formidable prospect. English as a second language doctoral students need a supervisor of considerable merit and patience. A student who can find 1 or 2 or even 3 other students at a similar stage in the dissertation process can and do form writing groups and meet as often as possible to review each other’s work. Time can be the enemy in the dissertation process as it is not a project to put aside. Carlos’ Testimony I immigrated to the United States when I was 15 years old. I enrolled in my local high school—Belmont High School. Belmont High School was notorious for not having adequate resources to support its students. A Harvard professor, whose name I cannot recall now, named my high school America’s drop-out factory in one of his studies. My newly immigrated mother did not know much about U.S. schooling, but when Belmont’s counselor spoke to her about their free and reduced lunch program, my mom decided that it was best for me to repeat 9th grade at Belmont High School even though I had completed 9th grade in my home country—El Salvador. Looking back, this was the best 2  See Young, S. N., Vanwye, W. R., Schafer, M. A., Robertson, T. A., & Poore, A. V. (2019). Factors affecting PhD student success. International journal of exercise science, 12(1), 34–45.

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decision my mom made for my schooling. Repeating 9th grade enabled me to ease into school and later meet a person who would change my life. I was a straight A student in high school; I did my homework and did not cause chaos in the classroom—my teachers liked me for this. When my senior year came, I managed to be ranked 5th out of 650 students. However, I never met with my college counselors to discuss my postsecondary plans. It was not until September of my senior year that I was summoned into my high school’s college center. I was told that someone awaited me at the college center. I showed my hall pass to Mr. K., my high school counselor, who introduced me to Dr. T. At the time, Dr. T. was a professor at USC. Wearing a yellow rain jacket, Dr. T. was sitting near one of the five computers available at my high school’s college center. In a soft and calm voice, he invited me to sit. I was shaking, not because of the cold rain we had gotten earlier in the day, but because I was nervous. I thought that I had gotten in trouble. Really, I thought he was a social worker and was there to take me into custody because I had been arriving late to school because I needed to drop off my sister at pre-K as my mother had started working. Luckily, I was not in trouble. I had been selected to be part of the Pullias Center’s I AM Mentoring Program– one of the earliest college access programs in the Greater Los Angeles area. In this program, USC faculty, graduate students, and staff mentored high school students in their college application process. I did not remember applying to the program, but Dr. T. introduced himself as my mentor. I was clueless as I did not know what mentor meant—my English language was limited at the time. Understanding that my English was limited, in a broken Spanish, Dr. T. uttered the word ‘confianza,’ which in Spanish means trust. I trusted him with the idea of me going to college. Since our first introduction, Dr. T. came to my high school regularly, and together, we worked on my college and financial aid applications. I enrolled at UCLA, but Dr. T.’s mentorship did not stop with helping me apply to college. Anyone who knows Dr. T. and the Pullias Center’s work can testify that mentorship for people at Pullias is a lifetime commitment. My mentorship relationship with Dr. T. was not the exception. He helped me navigate my undergraduate career by doing things that ranged from providing me with feedback on my written assignments to helping me secure my first work-study job. Dr. T.’s help was one of the main reasons why I applied and graduated from college. When I graduated from

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UCLA, I returned to the Pullias Center, where I worked full time as the I AM Mentor coordinator. This position allowed me to give back to my community by mentoring students from working-class families as they applied and transitioned to college. During my time working at the Pullias Center, I started to hang out with doctoral students who were part of Pullias. A., now Dr. A., asked me to write a research paper with him. This research paper turned into my first presentation at the American Educational Research Association. Because of my interactions with doctoral students like A., I decided to apply and then enrolled in a master’s program. My Master’s program in Educational Counseling at USC was not a bad experience. I benefited from working at the university and knowing some of the professors who taught in my program. I felt that everyone knew who I was and respected my work in college access. This opened networks and opportunities to get to know other professors at USC. Additionally, I benefited from knowing PhD students. They helped me write my papers, brainstorm through ideas, and even helped me to present with them at national conferences. The two main challenges that I faced in my program were the pressure of doing well in my classes. Since everyone knew who I was, I felt obligated always to participate and be an exemplary student. The second challenge I faced was that I was a part-time student. The program moved slowly for me. At times, I wanted to finish my program. I tried to socialize with my peers, but being a part-time student did not allow me to bond with many of my peers. They moved at a different speed, and I would only see a handful of them in the same classes as we progressed through the program. It was hard to get to know my peers and network with them. My interaction with my peers was limited to the classroom only. It was hard to be a student staff, but I am thankful. Because of my student staff identity, unlike my peers, I did not incur much debt. Furthermore, I was able to socialize with PhD students who influenced me to apply to a doctoral program. When I arrived in my doctoral program, my challenges in graduate school started. Although I did not go out of state for my doctoral program, I struggled with the loneliness of my graduate program. I missed the sense of collegiality that I had developed in my graduate program at USC. I spent a lot of time in isolation. I did not make many friends, and I wondered if peers in my program even liked me. I think I was perceived as someone who took school very seriously and did not want to socialize.

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Truthfully, I was struggling, and I needed people to talk to. The workload and writing expectations did not make things any easier. After earning a D in my statistics class and obtaining a C in one of my writing assignments, I considered dropping out. I felt like a failure. I presented at national conferences and published before arriving at my doctoral program. What a joke I am, I thought! I almost dropped out of my program. Between the feeling of isolation and earning bad grades, I was done in my first two weeks. Luckily, I had a phenomenal advisor who enabled me to make mistakes while providing support. I had weekly meetings with my advisor where I reflected and took actions in the areas I needed to improve. Because of these meetings, I set SMART [acronym for goal setting] goals. Little by little, I started feeling in control of my academics. Then my isolation felt more in control as I decided to socialize with other PhD students outside of my institution. Our writing and reading groups were beneficial to help me manage the demands of my graduate program. This took much vulnerability from me as I recognized that I needed support. Thankfully, the doctoral students I had met at USC were there to support me when I needed them. It was not easy to commute to LA twice a week to participate in writing groups, but I benefited from being around other PhD students. I have managed to advance to candidacy in my doctoral program. As I talked to other graduate students, I realized that other students also struggled with isolation and felt like they were not enough for their graduate program. I have overcome the self-doubts I had at the beginning. Also even managed to publish in peer-reviewed journals and continue to be an active participant at national conferences. Additionally, I sensed that I had shown persistence and intellectual curiosity to my professors. I have managed to meet some of my faculty personally, and I feel that I have benefited tremendously from their guidance. The doctoral students I met at USC are now professors and administrators at research universities. These have been assets to my doctoral journey and professional development. My network has expanded; I have a sense of what is expected to navigate the job market. However, as I attempt to finish my dissertation, I feel haunted by my background as an English Learner from a working-class family. The dissertation is proving to be a daunting task. Sometimes I do not know where to start or write my chapters well. I am self-conscious of my writing, and I feel as if anything that I write is not good enough. I find myself drafting and redrafting chapters. Lately, feelings of not knowing the literature well enough have made me self-doubt myself. My economic

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situation does not make it much more manageable. Without promised funding, I have been pushed towards working as much as I can whenever research opportunities show up—sometimes at the price of making progress towards my dissertation. There have been times that I have worked at many as three jobs at once to make ends meet. I wish I could progress my dissertation without worrying about finances, but this has not been possible throughout my graduate program. Although I do not have been promised funding, I decided to stay for a fifth year this year. I am very close to my grandmother, and her health has deteriorated over the last year. I know my PhD program and work will be with me forever, but my grandmother might not. I rather make little progress towards my PhD program while spending time with my program than spending more time with my grandmother. I do not want academia to prevent me from spending time with my loved ones. I am thankful because my faculty advisor has supported this decision, but I know I must finish my dissertation. My goal for this upcoming year is to secure funding, continue to work on my dissertation, and hopefully spend time with my grandma. The biggest lesson I have learned in my PhD program is recognizing when I need help. I am the first person in my family to graduate from college. I would do my PhD all over again if I had to. It has made my self-­ discipline. I hope to use my PhD to give back to my community and work for the interests of other Latino students in higher education. In 2013, Dr. T. wrote a life history on me. I remember saying: “I work hard. I want to do a good job. I know I like who I am, that I am from El Salvador, my grandmother, my family. I know I can succeed. But I know I need help, too. And when I do succeed, I think I want to be able to help out. I can do that.” These words continue to push me towards doing a PhD.

Pathways and Journeys to Graduate School: Student Stories (Testimonies) Adrian, Medical Student, Public University  ommentary on Adrian’s Testimony C Often, first-generation college students and many non-traditional students who might not be first-generation—as they are adult students or students

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who did not finish high school or students of color who did not enter postsecondary education directly from high school—are motivated by family.3 This includes, in the main, mothers, siblings, and children. Adrian could be considered a borderline first-generation college student as two of his siblings did attend a postsecondary institution, although it is not clear on their persistence, and they were considerably older than him as he was in elementary school when they left home. Adrian’s survival in high school, both in the context of his family, particularly with an abusive father, and in what he describes as an insensitive and unaccommodating high school speaks to his resilience. A teacher or two did provide affirmation of his abilities, although that was not necessarily sufficient to stimulate him to become a serious student. His denial of admission at a university, although a setback, did lead him to attend a community college. Given his high school grades and experiences, community college may have provided him with a comforting atmosphere, free from distractions and intense competition. But Adrian expresses personal failure as an adolescent, a negative view of himself. He did move on to a university, and although his choice of major was ill-­ conceived, chosen without professional advice, he persevered and gained valuable experience, with the added benefit of programs that were affirming and a mentor in university who guided him to a personally fulfilling pathway. His academic achievements in his later years as an undergraduate helped him to gain admission to Medical School. Although it is reasonable to conclude that for Adrian luck was on his side, yet he was an active agent, especially in his decision-making in his journey to Medical School. Adrian’s Testimony I’ve learned from movies and Grey’s Anatomy that most physicians realize their career choice at an early age. For me, the idea of becoming a physician seemed like a random fluke of fortunate events. My mother came to the United States to seek a better opportunity in an affluent country but knew that it would only be fulfilled through her children. Because she grew up in a country where education was unattainable, she has always known the importance of what an education can provide. As a result of our collective experiences, I became familiar with the opportunities an education can offer, keeping in mind the fact that many other 3  See Levin, J. S. (2014). Nontraditional students and community colleges: The conflict of justice and neoliberalism, revised edition. Palgrave Macmillan.

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first-­generation children may not have been so fortunate. My perseverance to keep her dream a reality was my first motivation towards pursuing higher education. I attended private schools from K-12. My brother’s experience with public schools in Mid City LA led my mother to believe that we would ultimately end up as cholos [gang] by high school if we didn’t go to private. As a result, my mother would work two jobs to make sure she could afford my tuition. I attended WESTSIDE (name modified for anonymity) for elementary with many of my peers sharing similar backgrounds as me. We were first-gen, we were broke, most of us were native Spanish speakers, and we all qualified for the same gov subsidized lunches. However, all our parents looked out for each other despite our different ethnic backgrounds: Mexicans, Ethiopians, Salvadorians, Nicaraguans, Guatemalans, etc. I would say that my elementary education was more focused on making sure we didn’t become delinquents. We couldn’t wear anything that remotely resembled a cholo and we were never allowed outside of the campus. I’m fairly certain only half our homeroom instructors had their bachelor’s degrees. If they did, they certainly didn’t talk about it. Overall, the school’s focus was to keep us safe and disciplined. I was accepted to SIKSIDE (name modified for anonymity) with a scholarship, and I became the highlight of my elementary class. Although I preferred Daniel Murphy [name of local Catholic school] like the rest of my friends, my brother tore up my application and my mother insisted that I stay away from girls and LA as much as possible. So, I attended SIKSIDE and it resulted in a great 1st year with lots of new friends and excellent grades. However, waking up at 5am every morning to beat the LA traffic and the 2-hour bus rides home after track practice quickly wore me out. What was harder was dealing with the domestic violence when I got home perpetrated by my father every night. Both my siblings had already left to college and they almost never looked back to check up on me. My sister took the last beating of her life as a high school senior, and now she lives in Korea. My brother was essentially kicked out from home after he last beat up my father for choking my sister. I was lucky because my father liked my light skin and blonde hair as a kid. Instead, my job at home was to constantly console my mother after being barraged with my father’s verbal and sometimes violent assaults against her. I was too tired to do homework or study; I constantly fell asleep in class; I depended on my best friend to give me lunch; and, most of my instructors thought I was being a brat when I acted up. Needless to say, my grades slipped by

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my senior year. The school was going through a huge transition and most of the good instructors were reserved for the A and B students (mainly 2nd or 3rd gen students). I recall being accidently placed into an AP government course and the instructor came up to me on the first day of class and said, “You’re not supposed to be here, but I’ll give you a C if you just show up.” We had a pretty fucked up faculty now that I think about it. Although there were 1-2 instructors that would always commend me for my test-taking skills. They made sure I didn’t feel like a complete idiot throughout high school and their motivational talks always kept my hopes up. Soon I had to apply to college with a rough 2.5 GPA. I knew I couldn’t apply to UCs [ University of California] so I only applied to Cal States [California State Universities]. I doubted that I would even get in since I took the SAT mainly because my gf [girlfriend] at the time reminded me to take it and I didn’t qualify for college application waivers because I lied on the income information (I was too embarrassed to say that my dad was unemployed for over a year). The night before applications were due, I had to pay a couple hundred dollars to submit them. I asked my mother if she could pay for it, but she instead went to my father who was already in a bad mood. After some harsh exchange of words, my sister (who was visiting that week) ended up talking back to my father and it resulted in me having to hold him in a closet as he tried to punch his way through me to beat my sister. Before the end of the night, I got a call from my brother and who told me to pay for a few applications with his nearly maxed-out credit card. I was able to afford two applications, but I was denied both and ended up attending community college. During my high school graduation, I felt like I had failed my mother and that her second job to pay for my tuition was all in vain. Despite both my siblings being at the top of their graduating high school class, I was an average student with no awards. I went through some deep depression after high school. I picked up a habit of smoking cigarettes and binge drinking, I started to hang out with a group of friends in Mid City that sold ecstasy and meth, and I was barely able to register for classes at community college because they were so full. Within my first semester of college, I failed whatever college classes I was taking, I had been arrested, and I would come home either drunk or high in the middle of the night. Then suddenly towards the end of the semester, I received some unexpected news. A state college emailed me with an available spot for their spring semester claiming that my late acceptance was due in part to an

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unexpected federal or state budget increase to their institution. I took this as a second chance to redeem myself. I first joined a fraternity to keep myself away from all the bad influences in Mid City. And I lived near campus to stay away from my father. I felt like I had hope once again and that I would be able to fulfill my mother’s dream after all. However, graduating in the sciences was a different story. I didn’t have the slightest idea of how to succeed as a science major. I was too embarrassed to ask counselors for help given all of my failed courses from community college, and I thought asking for help meant that I couldn’t hack it. I figured I could do it all on my own, so I set my own school schedule and pace. I took whatever courses the college website had outlined for science majors and I took them in the worst possible order. I failed my science courses because I took too many of them at the same time while trying to work and fulfill my fraternity role. It took me about 3 years to get my act together as well as a dose of reality from my counselor, who said that I wouldn’t cut it as science major with my current grades. However, during my 4th year I found a group on campus called WATER (name modified for anonymity) whose goal was to mentor struggling 1st gen Latino college students towards applying to professional school. They gave me semester stipends so I wouldn’t have to work; they assigned us Latino graduate mentors to talk to on a weekly basis; and, they had us attend weekly workshops that exposed us to med school post-bacs and research opportunities. Through WATER I started to volunteer with a UCLA clinical research trial at an FQHC [Federally Qualified Health Centers] in Long Beach. I stepped down from my fraternity role and I focused on studying and volunteering 12-16 hours a week at the clinic. My mentors at the clinic assured me that my mistakes wouldn’t bar me from a professional education. The long discussions I had with my mentor/colleague at UCLA convinced me that my lived experience would be useful as a physician, especially at FQHCs. He made me believe in myself and highlighted my skills towards becoming a primary care provider. After finishing college strong with As and Bs in the last half of my 6 yr undergrad career, I applied to a post-bac that accepted applicants with cumulative GPAs less than 3.0s. I completed the program with a 4.0 GPA while simultaneously participating in many community-based research projects where I learned more about health disparities. I came back to LA and was rehired by my previous UCLA PI [Principal Investigator] to continue working on other clinical research trials at FQHCs. Working closely with my PI for almost 3 years on numerous grants enriched my medical

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school application. The countless meetings I led with clinician leaders in LA county prepared me for my medical school interviews. Eventually, all of my experience at UCLA and successful completion of post-bac resulted in my acceptance to medical school. If it wasn’t for that random late acceptance to the state college, or that classmate that told me to apply to WATER, or meeting my UCLA mentor at a conference, or having at least 1 post-bac that would accept sub 3.0 GPA applicants, or my PI offering me a research opportunity after the post-bac, I would not have this level of success. However, the perseverance that my mother instilled in me at a young age to never give up on my education is what helped me get through the most difficult times in my life. If I were to repeat my educational journey, I would certainly have pushed to go to a high school that was closer to home, and one that doesn’t put any financial strain on my family. I also would have asked counselors for more help, or at least ask for counselors that would try to get to know me better. Humberto, PhD in Sociology, Public University  ommentary on Humberto’s Testimony C Humberto’s parents, even without experience in higher education and as immigrants to the U.S., valued education and supported Humberto in his difficult journey to graduate school. Even though he was a juvenile offender who was not convicted of crime, this experience served as a motivator, and he found his way to a community college. For Humberto, the negative phenomenon was motivational. Data on Latinx populations are well-known in California, and those who start in elementary school have little chance even of bachelor’s degree attainment (between 11-13%) and the doctorate is .3%, less than 1/100.4 Students similar to Humberto who attend the community college recognize this institution as the most important educational discovery of their lives. From guidance at his community college to help at UCLA as a transfer student, Humberto was supported in his journey to graduate school by faculty of color who acted as mentors and supported his applications to graduate school. Additionally, the graduate program in Sociology at UC Riverside saw his potential, able 4  See Pérez Huber, L., Malagón, M. C., Ramirez, B. R., Camargo Gonzalez, L., Jimenez, A., & Vélez, V. N. (2015). Still falling through the cracks: Revisiting the Latina/o education pipeline. CRSC Research report, 19. UCLA Chicano Research Center.

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to see beyond the Graduate Record Examination (GRE), which is now waived as a requirement for the Graduate School at UC Riverside for almost all programs for 2021/22 and 2022/23.5 The GRE is viewed as biased in favor of a specific population, and first-generation college students do not have equal opportunity to enter graduate programs if the GRE score is a deciding factor. To change one’s past is not doable, but reinterpretation may be necessary for one’s self-esteem and future development. Humberto’s experiences are responsible for his present conditions and attitude, and integral to his identity. Humberto’s Testimony My pathway to academia has been unconventional. I identify as Chicano, and I am a child of immigrants. My parents are from small villages in Jalisco, Mexico. Both my parents have less than the equivalent of a middle school education. My identities also include heterosexual, male, agnostic, and first-generation college student. My parents taught me to value education. They regularly reminded me that they immigrated to the United States to provide my siblings and me with opportunities they were not afforded in Mexico. They were poverty-­ stricken but upon arriving in the States, they provided me with all that I needed through their multiple jobs. Unfortunately, I did not have the luxury of having parents who could guide me in academia. Growing up in the Inland Empire (IE), I experienced personal and structural violence. From losing loved ones to street violence to being targeted by local law enforcement. Further, the IE has one of the lowest educational attainment rates in Southern California. These experiences delayed my academic trajectory. In high school, my chances of being stopped and frisked were higher than my ability to receive college mentorship. Consequently, at 15 years old I caught my first criminal case. This resulted in an impediment to my education. Law enforcement officers regularly came to my house to question me and threatened to lock me up in Riverside Juvenile Hall. Fortunately, my case was dropped due to insufficient evidence. Experiencing run-ins with the criminal justice system, the incarceration of loved ones, and the death of my cousin propelled me to pursue higher education. I struggled to enroll in community college due to my parent’s immigrant background and the language barrier. Thankfully, I explained my 5

 https://graduate.ucr.edu/admission-requirements#test_scores

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struggle to a professor in the computer lounge, and he asked his assistant to help me enroll. His assistant helped me apply, filled out my FAFSA, and registered me for courses. I recall showing up at Riverside City College two hours before class started. Finally, I found the class after an hour. I sat at my desk while the professor named students during roll call. My hands were sweaty, and I was nervous. The thought that crossed my mind was “What if I did not successfully enroll?” Then my name was called. This was the start of my academic journey. I vividly remember when I was inspired to pursue a graduate education. My Spanish professor brought in a physical copy of her dissertation and explained what a PhD was. The Dean of Institutional Research was also present. The dean pulled up the educational pipeline of how many Chicanx people were earning a PhD. The low number inspired me to be one of those few Chicanos. During my time in the Spanish course, I had the opportunity to conduct research and present at the University of California, Irvine’s statewide Community College Transfer Research Symposium. A few years later, I transferred to the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). During my time there, I received more opportunities for research. Being a transfer student, I had to apply to graduate school for a little over a year while at UCLA.  I faced challenges as a result of not being a traditional student. I did not immediately have social capital, mentorship, and I struggled with requesting letters of recommendation. My biggest barrier in getting into grad school by far was the Graduate Record Examination (GRE). I got a low score on the GRE because I did not have the resources to do well. I graduated high school with a 2.5 so I had very little knowledge of the material on the GRE. I applied to four sociology PhD programs and one education PhD program. A professor in the education committee at UCLA’s PhD program revealed that the only reason I was not admitted was because of my GRE score. The graduate division did not allow the department to admit me with such a low score. The professor offered to work with me to get me to UCLA’s graduate program the following year but I decided to begin the program I had been admitted to. Despite these barriers, I was admitted to the Sociology PhD program at the University of California, Riverside (UCR). I owe my academic success to faculty of color who supported me. I saw myself in them and they believed in me, which is why they mentored me and wrote my letters of recommendation. Therefore, I attribute my success to those faculty of

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color and my parents. Although my parents could not assist me directly, they supported me and continue to cheer me on. The most meaningful moments in academia have been incorporating my family. I have brought them to campus for events, and they are excited when I receive fellowships and scholarships. Graduate school remains difficult, but it is worth it. I think about the following generations that I will be able to mentor and provide resources that I lacked. My brothers did not attend college, but by me attending, my parents are happy their migration paid off. If I were to do my educational journey again there is a lot I would change. It would begin with high school. I would have strived to do my best. But even as an undergraduate, I would have taken advantage of more opportunities, resources, and I would have taken the third year to prepare my best for applying to grad school. Additionally, during the application process, I would have taken the time to contact faculty and do more research on my fit in the departments. Yet, my experiences led me to where I am today, a first-generation academic seeking to improve the quality of life in my community. Noelio, PhD in Education, Public University  ommentary on Noelio’s Testimony C Noelio speaks of experiences and her background as both difficult and influential, as precipitators or instruments of academic development. Noelio is motivated to help others with similar backgrounds and experiences, particularly those in what is referred to as the school-to-prison pipeline, where education in secondary schools leads not to college but to prison for many. Noelio explains that personal development was limited in undergraduate education, although not all students are ready for these life skills and perspectives as undergraduates. Universities and colleges could do a better job of instruction in physical and mental health, and even in modeling healthy practices. For financial literacy, colleges and universities assume that is a parental responsibility, but most undergraduate students have little guidance in either finances or in the organization of their daily lives. Noelio did not find the right fit academically in a doctoral program although a sought-after identity as a scholar was attained.

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Noelio’s Testimony My postsecondary journey was propelled by the assistance of the Migrant Education program. As a high school junior, I was hesitant about applying to college while retaking three years’ worth of missing credit to graduate. Beyond high school, I originally planned to either join the military or work alongside my dad as a mechanic. Through the help of Migrant Ed, I enrolled year-round in numerous online classes to recuperate credits. Moreover, they guided me through the Cal State admission process, as well as applying for FAFSA. Their assistance was instrumental in getting me admitted to Cal State San Marcos through special admission. Graduate school was initially brought up by my mentors during my junior year of undergrad. They noted I had an interest in mentoring at-­ promise students and strengthening college access in urban communities of color. I was drawn to counseling programs since it aligned with my experience of having spent several years in counseling as a youth. Moreover, I wanted to help at-promise students like myself make it out of the school-­ to-­prison pipeline. My career trajectory has veered into other areas since then, but looking back as a first-generation student I was unaware of career opportunities that existed in education policy and research. In my journey towards applying to graduate school, I took several community college courses after undergrad to increase my GPA. During my initial years of undergrad, I struggled academically, due to not having the necessary study and organization skills. Based on financial limitations I was limited to only pursuing local programs in San Diego. I credit my upbringing in Oceanside, CA, first-generation identity, as well as experience in the school-to-prison pipeline as factors that have contributed to my progression in education. Having been impacted by the school-to-prison pipeline, I saw how the effects of gang involvement, structural poverty, and first-generation status frame college access and social mobility among youth of color in urban and rural communities. These experiences have fueled me to explicitly address the disparities faced in my communities that influence the opportunities for access and success in higher education. In my journey through graduate school, having developed a thesis was meaningful since it brought exposure to conducting research. This experience validated my identity as a scholar and provided a foundational skillset. Unfortunately, since I entered a practitioner program, I didn’t receive the necessary research training. Given my current career interests, my

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graduate program was not worth it. A program in educational policy would have been ideal. If I could redo undergrad, I would explore career options early on and read about personal development as well as other topics. I got into the habit of reading in my late twenties, but I’ve acquired life skills and various perspectives to a series of topics that I wouldn’t have learned about in the classroom. Additionally, it has led to helping me understand who I am holistically. Moreover, I would have benefited from acquiring a foundation to financial literacy and instilling a healthy lifestyle. Until my late twenties, I began to adopt facets of holistic wellness, which have integral to maintaining a balance between work and personal life. Elvira, Master’s in Higher Education Administration and Policy, Public Research University in California  ommentary on Elvira’s Testimony C Elvira’s early experiences with her parents—their condition as U.S. immigrants from Mexico and Elvira’s mother’s illness and subsequent death— resulted in both feelings of strong family connections and guilt over abandoning them in attending university. Yet, these same feelings suggest signs of humanity in connecting the self to a family’s plight. Elvira’s food and housing insecurity are common among undergraduate students, particularly working-class students.6 Yet at this same university, UC Berkeley, in the 1960s, there were no such issues, generally, no housing problems or food insecurity. At that time, there was no tuition for the UCs, and the majority of students were from financially prosperous families. Although there were exceptions, the costs of living and the costs of university then were not the barriers they are at present. Elvira’s ­fellowship in her final years as an undergraduate and the academic program both set Elvira on a career path and motivated her to pursue graduate education in spite of negative experiences during the undergraduate years. As well, there was a staff member in her fellowship program who guided her along the path to graduate school. In spite of dire conditions and experiences, Elvira found a calling, and was able to define herself not by her traumas but by her concerns for others. 6  See Soria, K. M., & Horgos, B. (2020). Social class differences in students’ experiences during the COVID-19 pandemic. SERU Consortium, University of California  - Berkeley and University of Minnesota. https://cshe.berkeley.edu/seru-covid-survey-reports

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Elvira’s Testimony Despite participating in multiple college access programs in high school, I was unprepared for how to navigate my undergraduate experience. As a child, I witnessed my mother (a factory worker) and my father (a car wash worker) struggle to meet necessities. I began to question why they had to do manual labor to earn money to survive. I soon realized that one key component that left them in this predicament was their limited access to education. My mother went to high school in Mexico while my father only went to third grade in Mexico. In high school, I became determined to join every college access program that would allow me to participate. These programs varied in their missions and activities. Each program provided their own personal narrative on which higher education institution would benefit me the most and which would be the perfect fit for me. During the fall of my senior year of high school, I was unsure of where I wanted to go. In October, one of the programs announced that students could apply to take a road trip to northern California for free but would need to choose between CSUs or UCs. My friends who were able to afford the AVID [Advancement Via Individual Determination] junior trip made it clear that they would not recommend the UCs trip because they were not appealing visually. At the time, I figured my friends know me best and I trust their advice, so I applied to the CSU trip. Although I applied to the CSU trip, the program notified me that they would be taking me on the UC trip. Even though it was not my first choice, I decided to take the opportunity. This road trip in a van with 8 other students was the first time I set foot on my future college campus, UC Berkeley. When I first stepped onto campus, I was a young girl who knew college would be life-changing, but who had no idea of what to expect. I participated in summer bridge which allowed me to meet my closest friends; however, it failed to prepare me for the culture shock that I would experience in the fall of my freshman year. In addition to the culture shock, freshman year was difficult for me because it was the first time that I learned that my mother had cancer. This news impacted the remainder of my time at UC Berkeley (UCB). During spring break of my sophomore year, I witnessed my mother suffer a stroke and was told that she only had a month to live. At the time, my family kept reminding me that my mother saw the value of education and that by prioritizing my role as a student would mean that I was fulfilling my responsibility as a daughter to accomplish what my parents had not. Despite this family narrative, this is not

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how I felt personally. I felt as though choosing school meant leaving my family to struggle on their own. I felt selfish for pursuing an education. After my mother passed, I faced housing and food insecurity. I was fortunate to have close friends who allowed me to couch surf for free in their living room. At first, my friends helped me pay for groceries, but soon we discovered the food pantry on campus. As junior year rolled around, I decided to reach out to the financial aid office to submit a budget appeal. I explained my situation and assumed they had access to my financial aid application. The person I met with said, “I recommend you do not submit an appeal because students in this situation usually inherit money through assets, life insurance, etc., and you will pay more if you submit an appeal.” I was in shock after the conversation. How could someone with my financial background have to pay more when I cannot afford a place to sleep or food to eat. I decided that if the institution would not help me, I would figure it out on my own. I decided to get a second job to create a financial safety net. In addition to the personal experiences, my classroom experiences also affected my future interest in higher education. I was first accepted into UCB as an undeclared undergraduate. After taking some courses, I decided to pursue a cognitive science major. The field of cognitive science was interdisciplinary, and it allowed me to explore the field of education through elective courses which was another area of interest to me. These elective courses introduced me to the Cal Teach program. I decided to take as many courses as I could from the Cal Teach program. This program required that I take part in fieldwork research in high schools, middle schools, and elementary schools across the Bay Area. These experiences further ignited my interest in the field of education, but they left me wondering how high schools could support students of color in their transition to higher education. As graduation was approaching, I realized that I had no idea of what I wanted to do next, but I knew that I did not want to go to graduate school because of my traumatic undergraduate experience and lack of institutional support during that time. One day while I was working at the student learning center, I noticed a flyer for a fellowship. The fellowship consisted of working at a high school in the Bay Area and supporting students through the college process. I decided to apply, and, luckily, I was accepted. Throughout this two-year fellowship, I had the opportunity to work at two different high schools. This experience exposed me to some of the challenges that K-12 professionals face when preparing and

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supporting students through the transition into higher education. At the end of my fellowship, I began to think about what the challenges were in the higher education system. Additionally, I wondered how the K-12 system as well as the higher education system could communicate and collaborate to further support students and inform them about pursuing their education past high school. In this program, I had a regional manager that sparked my interest in graduate school and who helped me through the application process. In the spring, I was notified of my acceptance into graduate school. The following fall, I enrolled in my first term as a graduate student at UC Riverside. When I first began my graduate studies, I was nervous about the entire program being provided through an online platform. I had one previous experience with an online course at UCB, but I still very much enjoyed in-person instruction. To build community amongst the students, several of the professors encouraged group work. The collaborative opportunities allowed me to meet other students at an individual level and provided a chance for me to discuss my ideas with others. Although the content of the program was relevant to my interests, I would have liked to participate in an internship or fieldwork experience throughout my time in the program. I think those experiences can help students further determine their future career paths. Despite the clear focus on cultivating future PhD students, I would say that my graduate school experience was worth it. The program introduced me to the multitude of problems and challenges facing higher education such as market influences, the politics of governance structures, and lack of transparency. I believe that my graduate experience provided me with a pool of knowledge that will serve as a foundation for how I approach any future career I pursue in relation to higher education. Romeo, Master’s in Higher Education Administration and Policy, Public Research University in California  ommentary on Romeo’s Testimony C As a child of immigrants in the U.S. from Romania, Romeo not only values his parents’ aspirations for their children but also adopts their identification with Romanian culture. Immigration was not by application from one country to another but rather defection from Romania during a repressive political regime. His parents’ experiences were also his

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experiences. His family has provided Romeo with support, and his spouse has reinforced a positive academic identity for Romeo. Not a direct entry student from high school to university or college, Romeo began community college at age 33. Similar to numerous community college students who are classified as mature learners, Romeo was fearful of outcomes and lacked confidence in his abilities. One of his teachers relieved him of his self-doubts, encouraged him, and expressed respect for his experiences. Another validated his several roles as spouse, father, and student. Romeo expresses his awareness of other students’ misfortunes and vulnerability and his understanding of the influence of educators. Romeo’s Testimony Life is often filled with many unexpected twists and turns. Let your heart be your guide, knowledge be your strength and success be your goal. I believe that having strong familial bonds is an important part to having a healthy development. My father is someone that I respect and look up to. He has made so many sacrifices for his family and has taught me many valuable lessons that have become crucial to my development. My father was not born in the United States; he is from Romania. He grew up in a time when Romania was a very poor country. It was a harsh time, there were food shortages, gas was rationed, and opportunities were scarce. At that time, Romania was also a communist country; there was religious persecution and the secret police dealt harshly with anybody who was seen as a political dissident. My father dreamt of freedom; he wanted to provide a better life for his wife and children. He would tell my mother that one day he would escape and go on to build a better life for both of them. That day eventually came; he and a group of friends decided to defect from Romania. They left under the cover of darkness, crawling through forests in order to avoid detection. Their goal was to make it over the border, which was a risk because, if they were caught, they could be imprisoned or even shot and killed; to them the risk was worth it. They made it over the border and spent the next few months in a refugee camp from where they were eventually granted entry into the United States. All my respect goes to my father for what he did, the risk he took so I could be here today in this country is something that I could never repay. Growing up, my father would tell us stories about his life in Romania; you could tell that even though Romania still had its faults, my father still loved and missed the country of his birth. He left everything behind so his children could have a chance for a better life. My father never spoke badly

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about Romania; this was in contrast to other Romanians who left the country. They would speak very negatively about it to their children, and many grew to have an extreme disdain for Romania and Romanian culture. My father wanted us to learn about our culture. He encouraged us to learn Romanian and helped us to develop a healthy respect for our heritage. Chickering and Reisser [higher education scholars on student development] acknowledge that an important component to the development of one’s identity can be how an individual views their origins and their ethnic heritage. My father’s love for his culture helped me to develop a healthy attitude toward other cultures. That is where my love and respect for other cultures started. Even though I was born in the United States, I still identify more with Romanian culture than I do with American culture. This has played a large part in my development, and it continues to be a central component of my personality. Also, since I am the child of immigrants, my heart goes out to all those who dream of coming to America in order to make a better life for themselves and their families. I believe that everyone has the right for a chance at a better life regardless of where they were born. Looking back on my past I can say that the biggest mistake I have ever made was not taking my education seriously. My decision to not go to college after high school led me down a very difficult road, but it is this road that taught me what it means to work hard. I learned many life lessons and now as I look back at the story of my life, I can say that I am thankful for each and every moment. My decision to pursue higher education was made possible by the support and encouragement of my wonderful wife. I did not think I was smart enough or capable of going to college, but my wife gave me the strength I needed to overcome my self-doubt. Without her love and support, I would never even have dreamed that I was capable of being in a Master’s program. Of the many positive experiences I had in my community college campus, there are two that I look back at with great appreciation. I started my academic journey at 33 years old. I did not attend college immediately after graduating from high school, and I had not written an essay in many years. I was placed in remedial English, and on my first day of class, the professor wanted us to write an in-class essay. Needless to say, I was very anxious and worried. It took me the entire class period to write one single page. Afterwards, I was terribly upset and thought that I would receive a bad grade; I waited anxiously for the return of my paper. When it finally came back what I saw would become one of the defining moments in my

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academic journey. Instead of seeing a bad grade, what I found was a heartfelt message from my professor. She encouraged me to keep writing and told me that my experiences were worth writing about. I immediately felt validated and encouraged. It is important for students to feel as though their experiences are valid and important in the eyes of their professors; validation helps boost confidence. Rendón’s theory of validation acknowledges that when students feel validated, they develop confidence in their abilities and experience greater feelings of self-worth. It is also important that validation occurs [early in a student's college weeks and months]. That one positive message from my professor at the beginning of my academic journey was enough to encourage me to believe that I could succeed. In order to meet the challenges of higher education, support is crucial…Positive experiences with professors can be a powerful catalyst which drives students to succeed in their academic goals. Without the kindness and support of those who believed in me, I would not have been able to find success in my academic journey. One kind word can make all the difference in the life of a student. That is why my goal is to someday become an academic advisor. I want to be there and encourage students to never give up. I want to help guide them on their path toward realizing their potential and achieving their dreams. I believe that education is a fundamental right and that with the proper guidance all students can find success in the halls of academia. My love and respect for other cultures is what gives me the motivation to become an academic advisor who is dedicated to the support of all students. Another powerful experience I had was when my wife and I were preparing to welcome our first child. Thinking that the moment had come, we rushed to the hospital. During the few hours that we spent at the hospital that night, I made sure to e-mail my professor letting him know that I was not going to make it to class. The doctor eventually had to send us home because the moment for my son’s birth was close, but not there yet. The next day I made sure to go to class, and, when I arrived, I let my professor know that it was just a false alarm and that I will have to leave the class if my wife goes into labor. To my surprise, the professor saw my worry and my anxiety, and told me that I should not worry about my attendance. He told me that I should go be with my wife. He insisted that I needed to be there for my wife, and that the most important thing was to be there and encourage her. This professor really cared about me, and I could hear it in his voice that he wanted what was best for me. It is

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important for professors to acknowledge that students have multiple roles, and that those roles matter. I was not just a student, I was also a husband and a soon-to-be father. My life was about to undergo a major change and my professor acknowledged that these were important events. He did not marginalize my feelings or my situation; he showed me that I truly mattered to him; he was supportive and understanding, which gave me a sense of belonging. Throughout the semester this professor repeatedly showed that he cares about his students, and I was truly motivated by the positive interactions I had with my faculty. Trust is built and positive academic growth is achieved when professors demonstrate a caring nature in their interaction with students. Not all faculty display the kindness and genuine care that every student needs. Some students were not as lucky as I was in my interactions with the faculty. One of the saddest experiences I had in my undergraduate program was when I witnessed a professor who simply did not care about what a student was going through. A fellow classmate, who was an older woman, had missed an exam and she had to explain to the professor the reason for missing her exam. She was at the hospital with her daughter who was pregnant and about to give birth; her grandchild was being born, and she had to miss class that day in order to be there for her family. The professor’s response was cold and disdainful. He said that this situation was not an emergency, and that it was her choice to skip class for an event that he deemed was not significant enough to warrant an absence on the exam day. The student’s attempts to explain her situation fell on deaf ears, as the professor requested a note from the doctor clearly stating the medical necessity for her presence at the hospital that day. When hearing this, the student slowly turned around and headed back to her seat. On her way back, the professor made it clear once again that he believed that her presence at the hospital was unnecessary. Unfortunately, after this interaction, the student never returned to this class. The lack of understanding and compassion created a very negative experience which became a stumbling block in the way of academic success for this student. Without compassion and understanding, a professor will never be able to truly make a difference in the lives of their students. A harsh tongue can drive students away, while a kind word spoken through a compassionate heart can drive students toward success.

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Emilia, Master’s in Counseling, Public State University in California  ommentary on Emilia’s Testimony C Emilia’s emotional responses to her early experiences, coupled with her motivation to help people and the specific people who gave direction to her, brought Emilia not to Stanford but to a public state university where she would not be a stranger. A university professor offered wise advice to guide Emilia to graduate school. Although the connection between a future career in counseling therapy and life in vacation rentals is not obvious, perhaps these two, counseling and travel, are ways to have career and life balance, a way to fulfill aspirations for a healthy adult life. Graduate school for Emilia is a good example of person-environment fit.7 Covid-19 altered the experiences of college and university students, especially with the absence of in-person experiences. Even though graduate students cope with remote instruction better than undergraduates, the social and personal interactions with peers and with faculty are instrumental in students’ connection to their studies and to their persistence. As well, the distractions of off-campus environments including family responsibilities, work, and home life generally impede student concentration and attention to academic work. As Emilia notes, relationships with professors and peers suffer, and the networks that could be established for the future are difficult in the context of Covid-19. Emilia’s Testimony I’m not sure what started my journey as a young student in getting motivated to attend college, but one of the reasons that highly influenced me was when I attended AVID as a seventh grader. It was here that they taught me all about my long-term dream goals and taught me how to use tools that helped me reach my goals. One of them was creating a Vision board as to how I would like to live my life as an adult. I remember that as a 7th grader I told myself I wanted to attend Stanford. One of the biggest impacts that happened in my personal life at the age of 11 was the birth of 7  See Lewin, K. (1935). A dynamic theory of personality. McGraw-Hill; Su, R., Murdock, C., & Rounds, J. (2015). Person-environment fit. In P.  J. Hartung, M.  L. Savickas, & W. B. Walsh (Eds.), APA handbook of career intervention, Vol. 1. Foundations (pp. 81–98). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14438-005. Person-­ environment fit is addressed in Chap. 4.

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my youngest sibling, who is my sister. When she was born, she was a preemie who lasted 4 months in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), and it was here that I fell in love with the career of becoming a NICU nurse. I wanted to tend to and help families like my mother who was only a Spanish speaker and had trouble communicating with the nurses. However, once I started my first year of college, I switched my degree to Psychology as Nursing was a very impacted career, and I felt too pressured to have to go down that route. After my sister grew, other problems arose in her life, and it was through a licensed social worker that it felt like she came down from heaven and that’s when I knew that I wanted to continue my education and look into the field of counseling or therapy. After I graduated with my undergraduate degree, I became aware that there aren’t many high-paying jobs that you can do with your bachelor’s degree in Psychology. In our last year, one of my professors from CSUSM (Cal State San Marcos) gave us the rundown of how important it was to continue our education and receive our Master’s when coming from a Social Sciences background. She let us know that there is a need for those in diverse communities to participate in research, as the majority of researchers and those in graduate programs are predominantly White. Hearing this inspired me to continue as well as wanting to be able to invest in properties across the nation. My dream is to be in a place of financial stability to have rental properties in my favorite cities and create dream vacation destinations for tourists that share the same love of those cities with me. My biggest passion is traveling, and this is something that ignites and fires my soul besides the love that I have for my career choice in…therapy. I have absolutely loved my journey in graduate school, and every class I have attended is a reassurance for me to know that I did pick the right career path. I love feeling challenged by my peers and professors and being able to learn something new and different from every professor. Every person brings different experiences and wisdom, and it is an honor to have the opportunity to be in such a well-rounded program that CSUSB [California State University, San Bernardino] has to offer. I am relieved that my program was for three years as I feel much more prepared than if it was for two years. However, it is still a setback that we were robbed of having an in-person experience the way I thought it would, before Covid. Of course, this is something completely out of anyone’s control; yet, I know that relationships would have been strengthened if we had continued in-person interactions with our professors and peers.

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Luciana, Master’s in Counseling, Public State University in California  ommentary on Luciana’s Testimony C Luciana’s story is a familiar one for those Master’s students who were both aimless and ignorant about academic work from high school through college. Luciana experienced the assembly line approach to education, where high school students are on a moving treadmill as they move from one level to the next, but without knowledge of what they are doing and why. Undergraduate studies did not prepare Luciana for graduate school: At her community college, she continued on the process begun in high school. Her undergraduate period at university was not one of enlightenment either, and she was not confident that a graduate school would accept her. Graduate school has her in a worrisome state, a student muddle, often referred to as cognitive dissonance: The student has one idea about what they should know and how they should behave as a graduate student, but what they know and who they think they are not congruent with what is expected. This condition is common among working-class students in higher education.8 As a graduate student, Luciana is at a stage of reflective learning: She is able to discard what she thought was true or correct or appropriate and able to replace former assumptions and knowledge with new knowledge. For example, she now recognizes the presence of deficit thinking in scholarship and policy where the aim may be to improve conditions for populations but to do so is to categorize the population as in need of help or remediation. This ­categorization diminishes the value of this population. Graduate school, she is learning, is a group event or project. That group may be Luciana and her peers, in this case the three women to whom she has become attached. Or, the group may be Luciana and her faculty or advisor, with or without other students. Learning at this level is interactional between and among people who are focused on a similar topic or project or issue. Luciana’s Testimony Like many people from working-class families, my only way out or the only plausible answer for success was to go to school. A higher education was not unheard of in my immediate family, but no one actually pursued 8  See Jensen, B. A. (2004). Across the great divide: Crossing classes and clashing cultures. In M. Zweig (Ed.) What’s class got to do with it? (pp. 168-184). Cornell University Press.

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it. From elementary to junior high, I did relatively well in school but then lost my way in high school. I always knew school was something I needed to do, however, following through with it was difficult. Partly because I did not have any guidance but also because I was not in the right headspace to straighten up and take college seriously. I remember during senior year of high school, a friend asked me if I had applied to any colleges, and I looked at her like “For what?”. I look back now and almost hate myself because all of my friends were ahead; they graduated with their BA while I was still getting my associate’s. Then, when I was pursuing my BA, they were graduating with their Master’s. It was tough to go through that. I had these self-defeating thoughts of being an idiot for not getting myself together and doing the darn thing. Quite honestly, I am not really sure what exactly motivated me to attend college, I just knew it was something I had to do. When I first started community college, I never looked forward to an end goal. I focused on completing one semester at a time. It never failed, every semester: I always thought “Ok. I am not sure how I can get through this class.” The possibility of failure was always at the forefront of my brain. There were times, many times, I wanted to give up. I had to learn how to navigate the college life by myself. Not only that, but I had to restructure my way of thinking and being. A couple of years passed, and I reached graduation and thought “Wow, I actually did this.” Then came my undergrad. Pursuing a bachelor’s degree was very much with the intention of reaching an end goal. Considering how competitive professional fields are nowadays, I needed more than an associate’s to be able to compete in the real world. And just like that, I graduated with university and department honors—of course after shedding several tears. Now grad school. Applying for grad school was definitely on a whim. Not a single cell in my body believed I would get accepted anywhere so I applied to one school and one school only. Took my chance with San Bernardino and here I am: Staying committed. I think grad school has challenged everything I thought I knew which makes it hard to believe I’m doing anything right. I question my time management and my ability to be a competent counselor. I think of myself as progressive and social justice oriented in my practice. However, sometimes I find a lot of deficit thinking in the books I read. I have problems reconciliating this. I have not really given thought to what has been most rewarding about graduate school. I think I focus more on what I have lost and continue to

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lose out on because school takes so much of my time. However, I am grateful for the people I have met. I have met three amazing women, who I can genuinely call my friends, that have helped me get through grad school thus far. We help each other. Which is funny because I look at us and think, “How are we so cool when I am so different from them?” But despite our differences, we support each other on an academic level and a personal level. And I think that has helped my graduate experience a lot better than it would be if I would have stayed a loner. I have come too far to give up now even though sometimes I struggle having a full-time job on top of my internships and class assignments.

The Testimonies of Chap. 2 and the Subsequent Chapter The above testimonies of Master’s and doctoral students and one Medical student express the barriers these students have overcome and their self-­ development as they made their way to graduate school and in graduate school. The testimonies also point out the social and institutional structures that shaped their journeys as well as those actors who supported and guided them. In the subsequent chapter, Chap. 3, I present further testimonies of first-generation graduate students, with the focus primarily upon graduate school experiences, although the stories of the pathways to graduate school are included. Chapter 3 is a lengthy chapter given that the majority of testimonies emphasized graduate school experiences.

References Espino, M. M., Vega, I. I., Rendón, L. I., Ranero, J. J., & Muñiz, M. M. (2012). The process of reflexión in bridging testimonios across lived experience. Equity & Excellence in Education, 45(3), 444–459. Jensen, B. A. (2004). Across the great divide: Crossing classes and clashing cultures. In M. Zweig (Ed.), What's class got to do with it? (pp. 168–184). Cornell University Press. Levin, J. S. (2014). Nontraditional students and community colleges: The conflict of justice and neoliberalism, revised edition. Palgrave Macmillan. Lewin, K. (1935). A dynamic theory of personality. McGraw-Hill. Pérez Huber, L., Malagón, M.  C., Ramirez, B.  R., Camargo Gonzalez, L., Jimenez, A., & Vélez, V. N. (2015). Still falling through the cracks: Revisiting the Latina/o education pipeline. CRSC Research report, 19. UCLA Chicano Research Center.

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Soria, K. M., & Horgos, B. (2020). Social class differences in students’ experiences during the COVID-19 pandemic. SERU Consortium, University of California Berkeley and University of Minnesota. https://cshe.berkeley.edu/ seru-­covid-­survey-­reports Su, R., Murdock, C., & Rounds, J. (2015). Person-environment fit. In P. J. Hartung, M. L. Savickas, & W. B. Walsh (Eds.), APA handbook of career intervention, Vol. 1. Foundations (pp.  81–98). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14438-­005 Young, S.  N., Vanwye, W.  R., Schafer, M.  A., Robertson, T.  A., & Poore, A. V. (2019). Factors affecting PhD student success. International Journal of Exercise Science, 12(1), 34–45.

CHAPTER 3

Graduate School Experiences of First-­Generation Graduate Students

This chapter presents the unabridged narratives of first-generation graduate students who detail their experiences in graduate school, as well as, in part, their journeys or pathways to graduate school. Again, as I noted in Chap. 2, these accounts are presented as they were given to me— unabridged. Students were asked to write about their experiences and thoughts on their journeys to graduate school as well as within graduate school. They were offered anonymity, but asked to select names for themselves, whether or not they were actual names or pseudonyms. If they chose to identify their universities or programs, that was a choice left to them. Their institutions and programs are not hidden unless the students themselves obscured the names of institutions and programs. The presentation of universities and colleges are actual places, with actual names to give verisimilitude to these student testimonies; there is no intent on my part here to vilify or praise universities, colleges, or programs. These stories or narratives, or testimonies as I refer to them, were written in 2021. They are testimonies from first-generation graduate students that convey personal reflections on their experiences, and I take them as authentic, unchallenged views. These testimonies are presented in whole, in the form and content they were given to me. In this chapter, the students’ testimonies focus largely on their experiences within graduate school. Prior to each student’s testimony, I offer a commentary, which is both descriptive and explanatory of what follows. This commentary is intended to provide the reader with a sense of what is expressed in the © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2022 J. S. Levin, Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-16808-6_3

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testimony, and if relevant to connect the testimony to broader, less personal issues. There is little analysis of the testimonies in this chapter. Rather, analysis and extensive explanation of these testimonies occur in Chap. 4.

Raquel, Master’s in Educational Counseling at Private Research University in California Commentary on Raquel’s Testimony The complexities of adult life for a nontraditional graduate student are evident in Raquel’s testimony. As a married, working, and full-time graduate student at a private research university, she encountered not only lack of a parallel academic life with her Master’s student peers but also a view that she was not deserving of entry to graduate school. Her motivation based upon observations of others steered her toward a Master’s in Counseling, and as she worked at the private university, she was enticed by tuition remission or discount for the program. As a first-generation student and one who did undergraduate work at a public university, she could be expected to have misgivings when she became a graduate student at a private research university. Had she received advice to consider applications to other programs, as insurance, and at public universities, she may have had more positive graduate school experiences. What made her a stellar student before college comes down to her personal makeup and experiences. Her shock over college after high school achievements is rather common among large populations of students, especially first-generation college students. Much depends upon the context—for example, peers and family life—as well as work ethic and the clarity of academic goals. A large percentage of students are side-tracked in their first year. But most of those do not complete the bachelor’s degree as Raquel did. Although graduation rates have improved over the past decade and a half at California State Universities, six years for graduation

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is the norm, with considerable differences among the CSUs and differences by ethnic and racial categories.1 Besides Raquel’s transition to a private prestigious university and interactions with peers who did not meet Raquel’s expectations for peers, Raquel’s domestic life changed and she became a spouse, with new obligations. Such life alterations are significant in graduate school as they add another dimension to academic studies. Although one cannot control all of these life changes, but if one has a choice, then limitations of life pattern alterations will serve one well for completion of graduate programs, especially doctoral programs. Raquel made a radical departure from the role expectations for first-year graduate students: marriage and a full-time job. This would have isolated her from peers, and led to guilt for her decision to embark on a Master’s program. Such regret follows from personal history as the child not only of immigrants but also of refugees. Evidently, personal talents, abilities, and motivations could not erase this background. The prize of acceptance into a private university’s graduate program did not nullify feelings of difference to other students. Additionally, the financial burden of graduate school, even with tuition remission, was not balanced with a sense of accomplishment in the attainment of a graduate degree. Yet, with experience in practice as an educational counselor and in the process of learning about herself and others, Raquel might realize that she is not the perpetrator of conditions that resulted in negative emotions. Raquel’s Testimony I come from parents who are both refugee immigrants. Both of my parents have absolutely no educational background. I did pretty well throughout grade school (K-12), always was placed in AVID classes and at some point they even called it the “Gifted Program,” because I did so well in all of my school assessments. My siblings on the other hand had quite the opposite experience even though we all grew up in the same environment with the same resources. I always wondered why I seemed to excel 1  This observation is based upon extensive research that I conducted on California State Universities with Dr. Carrie Kisker over several years. See Kisker, C., Levin, J. S. & Lopez Damien, A. (2015). What does a 10% achievement gap really mean? (and what can we do about it?): The complexity of achievement and opportunity at the California State Universities. (C4) California Community College Collaborative. University of California, Riverside.

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compared to my five other siblings. Fast forward to senior year in high school: I did not have a clue about college. My older sister went to LBCC (Long Beach Community College) but [with] my 3.9 GPA in high school I thought why not go straight to a university. I only applied to one college, Cal State University of Long Beach, and got accepted. I participated in the Summer Bridge program, and not too long into the program I started to get a harsh taste of reality. I struggled navigating higher ed: I failed many times due to lack of support of motivation, and eventually ended up on Academic Probation and dismissal. During this journey I also was living on my own and working multiple jobs, at one point I had 2–3 part-time jobs. After starting CSULB [California State University, Long Beach] in 2004, changing my major 3–4 times, I finally graduated in 2011 with a BA in Child Development and Family Studies. After working in the field of Early Child Education for about seven years, my last full-time job was at USC Head Start where I held the role of Lead Teacher. There were policies and philosophical teaching practices that I did not agree with while working here, which motivated me to change my career. In addition to me being fed up with not being heard and valued, I also reflected on my personal life and where I wanted my family to be in the future. I wanted to start a family and I knew with what I was financially making and the physical toll working with young children had on me physically, my current career no longer was ideal. As a full-time employee at USC, I decided to take advantage of the tuition remission benefit and decided to apply to grad school for a career change. I wanted a career that was still in the field of education and service. I wanted a career that was still rewarding but to be honest, a career that its pay reflected the workload. I always felt underpaid, teachers are so underpaid. I wish our educational system valued teachers more. When I applied to grad school, I only applied to USC Rossier School of Education. I chose Educational Counseling because of the qualities I have as a listener, teacher, and mentor. But my biggest quality that I have is that I actually care. Throughout my educational journey in K-12, undergrad, and my professional teaching experience, a lot of the issues I have encountered were with individuals who simply did not care. I wanted to be that one person who cared enough to make a difference. While at USC, I struggled with the culture of a private institution. I felt intimidated a lot, and a matter of fact, I felt intimidated the entire two years of my program. I felt that I did not belong on campus. Before joining a private school, I felt extremely proud about my credentials as a grad

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student from a California State University. However, once in graduate school at USC, the same pride turned into a reason of self-doubt. Almost everyone in my program had gone to UCs, Stanford, or out-of-state schools. Additionally, in walking around the school, I felt intimidated by the amount of wealth around the school. This translated into me dealing with imposter syndrome and mental health challenges. I remember being extremely anxious as I interacted with professors and peers. I feared not being perceived as smart enough. I did not like it when the professors would call on me to contribute to the class. During my time in graduate school, I also became more aware of my social identity. I was also over 10 years older than the majority of my cohort members, which at times I found difficulty connecting with my peers. I also started grad school one month after I got married, and I was still getting used to my new role as a wife/partner. There were a lot of life changes happening all at once which made grad school that much more challenging. During my first year of grad school, I was working full time; my typical day would be 7am to 10pm away from home. These long hours were necessary to develop the required competencies in counseling and being able to afford the price of a really expensive graduate program—I am sure my husband still felt single because I was gone all day long, and on the weekends I was busy doing homework. With my long days, I did feel a lot of guilt as well, sometimes I felt like I was being selfish for deciding to start grad school during this part of my life, but I was very fortunate to have a very supportive husband who continued to encourage me throughout my grad school journey. Reflecting back on my graduate school experiences, 60% of me wished I had chosen a more affordable institution. It sucks that private institutions are not made accessible to low-income individuals, and that you will be reminded of your socioeconomic status even after earning a degree from a prestigious institution like USC. Schools like USC sell you on their network, and yes maybe I’ve gotten jobs post grad school because of having USC on my resume or because of the network. Or maybe it was simply because I am actually qualified. Either way, was it worth the debt I accrued? I don’t think so. Especially if one of the reasons why I decided to go to grad school was to gain more opportunities not to create more burdens, such as student debt, for myself. For me, graduate school was useful, but putting up with a hectic work-life schedule while incurring debt that I will carry for at least 15 years of my life makes me reconsider my decision of going to a private school.

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Estella, Master’s in Mathematics at Public Research University in California (UC) Commentary on Estella’s Testimony Estella has overcome formidable barriers in order to attend and graduate from UCLA.  Not only did she attend a selective institution but also in STEM, which has a reputation for low persistence rates among underserved populations, including Latinx and Indigenous populations. Mathematics is a field that does not attract women. She may be one of a kind in the UC system, and one of few nationally. Included in these access barriers, she is a non-native English speaker. Furthermore, she and her family are undocumented residents of the U.S. Estella could not afford DACA status [Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program], which requires a fee, at $495 per person, and renewal every 2 years with a similar fee. This financial burden is onerous for many of the population who qualify for DACA but also unjust given that the person is qualified but in effect penalized. More unjust is that for DACA status children and young adults to work, they must have approved employment authorization, and according to U.S.  Citizenship and Immigration Services this fee is $380. The work permit has to be renewed, either yearly or every two years, with a similar fee. DACA status immigrants have difficulty with paid employment. This means that those DACA immigrants can be under 31 years of age but without a work visa they cannot be employed lawfully. No wonder Estella has had concerns: Even if she graduates with a master’s degree, there are many challenges ahead for her to find appropriate employment. It takes courage to open oneself up to others, particularly to people in authority or in positions of power. Because she opened up to others and found both relief and assistance from caring professionals, her views of graduate school are highly positive. Estella’s allegiance to her community is typical of graduate students of color, but graduate students in STEM fields are not explicit about the skills and tools of the discipline in STEM that can advance social justice. Many in STEM have talked about their accomplishments as a model for other people of color (Levin et al., 2013).

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Estella’s Testimony I was born and raised in the Mixteca Poblana, an indigenous area in Mexico. Growing up, I did not have access to public transportation, healthcare, or education. My days consisted of caring for the animals and clearing the fields for the crops. Although the latter was physically intense, I loved listening to nature. It was during this time when I first thought of a question that influenced a lot of my life choices: Why was it easy for me to go down the mountains but hard to go up? I asked my grandfather and he replied, It’s the work of the Gods.’ This work of the Gods is what helped start picking up an interest in mathematics. However, in Mexico my opportunities for school were limited. I first stepped foot in a school when I immigrated to the United States. While at school I always had a meal, something that wasn’t the case at home. Consequently, I picked recyclables, was a street vendor, and a house cleaner to help my family financially. These ongoing uncertainties influenced me to take control of what I could, which was my education. I remember when I was in high school and I took physics. At last, I received an answer to the question I had when I was a child—I finally learned why it was so hard to go up the hill, but easier to go down. Gravity explained it all. The logical and mathematical explanation amazed me, and I set my mind to pursue more knowledge in STEM [Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics]. However, by this time, my interest in academics was a little late in the game. I had spent most of my high school career around the wrong crowd. Gang activities make me lose some classes and not be considered among the best students when people looked at my transcripts. I made up my mind to participate in credit recovery. I worked hard by staying after school in adult school. When the time to apply to school came, I was surprised to be accepted to UCLA. I was the first one in my family to attempt to graduate from a four-year university. When I entered UCLA, I came into unknown grounds. It was a challenge to be the only person with my background in this space. It was challenging to be the only woman of color in my department. I also realized that my high school had not prepared me to do well in college. Additionally, as an undocumented student, I tried to build community with other undocumented students, but I always found myself to be the only undocumented student in a STEM-related field. I felt as if UCLA was designed to make me fail, but I overcame the thoughts that this space was not designed for me. I remember being a STEM major without having a

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laptop to do my work. I did not know that the university had a laptop lending program. Without having much resources around me, I found the strength to do what seemed impossible: to be the first indigenous, Latina, and undocumented immigrant to graduate from the Mathematics and Statistics Department at UCLA. Finding mentors and staff who taught me core concepts in Math and advocated for me when I did not show the required competencies is the main reason why I was able to graduate from UCLA. As a graduate student in applied mathematics, I continue to struggle with being the only undocumented woman of color in my department. The good thing is that UCLA prepared me to learn about myself and ask for help whenever I struggled in academics or the university environment. Yes, it gets tiring to have to explain my background to people who might not understand why I might be behind on some core concepts for my field, but I understand reaching out to people and explaining myself is a way of self-preservation in my program. I have seen a lot of my friends struggle with mental health because they are not proactive at explaining their weaknesses to others. I have found that if you tell people what you are good at and what you are not good at, they will work with you. I also try to meditate a lot and ask for help as I way to prevent mental health challenges. I love grad school. As an undocumented student, graduate school has given me a safety net to postpone having to look for employment in the United States. My family was extremely low-income. We never had the money to apply for DACA [Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program] even though my two other siblings and I qualified for it. When I finished my undergraduate degree, I feared having to go clean houses with my mother. The idea of having a master’s degree in STEM yet knowing that I will struggle to find a job because I lack legality in the United States scares me. As a field, my graduate program continues to give me the tools to give back to my community. Math and statistics a lot of times feel like magic. I am able to decipher patterns and codes that can potentially help a nonprofit organization expand their outreach and capacity to serve more people. I want to use my mathematical skills to advance social justice for marginalized communities. This is what ultimately gives me the strength to continue to occupy space in a department that although filled with kindhearted people fails to fully understand who I am as a person.

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Memo, PhD in Education, Public University Commentary on Memo’s Testimony As the child of a single working mother in a Spanish-speaking household in the California city of San Bernardino, Memo persisted to graduate school and a PhD program. He reflects on his experiences and offers a suggestion for those who follow him to graduate school. His difficulties with writing in graduate school stem from the lack of instruction in early schooling. Those whose home-life-first language is not English are not necessarily well-served along the way to college. According to undergraduate students and writing instructors at university, high schools have little positive effect on students’ writing skills, particularly for second language learners. Even universities and colleges with their demands for Freshman composition do not bring students up to the standards required, certainly for graduate school. Similar to other students, Memo’s instructors in university likely did not review and correct his writing or push him to seek out writing help. His Master’s program did lead to writing center help, but the reward of an A let him assume that his writing was at a high level. A doctoral faculty member recognized his problems, and Memo was fortunate to connect with a dissertation chair who understood what was needed for academic attainment. Most graduate students, especially doctoral students, find the academic process arduous. For those whose native or home language is not English, the challenges are immense; for those who are first in family to attend college, whether they are Latinx, African American, Native American, White, or International, graduate school is rugged and usually painful, although rewarding both intellectually and for a future career. 50% of the talented few who are admitted to doctoral programs do not finish. Networking has its benefits, but its main contributions are post-degree. During the graduate degree program, the support and guidance of others—faculty, family, friends, and especially peers—are invaluable. Memo’s Testimony My education pathway towards graduate school was largely due to athletics. As a first-generation low-income scholar raised in a Spanish-speaking household, I did not know anything about applying towards graduate school, until I was lucky enough to have a meeting with my academic

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advisor in the last year of my undergraduate career. I had just walked on to the soccer team at my institution, and I wanted to continue playing soccer and my plan was to see if I can stay another year as an undergraduate to finish a third major. My advisor told me, ‘Why are you going to do that? You have good grades and have worked with professors and educational outreach organization. You really need to think about graduate school.’ She sent me links and websites about the different programs my institution offered and the ones that I might be interested in. I was very fortunate to apply to three different programs for my Master’s and got accepted into all of them. But I decided to stay at my institution and continue studying while playing my sport. I think one of the biggest hurdles and most traumatizing experiences I have experienced in graduate school has been based on my writing skills. In my Master’s, I received a “C” in my first paper, due to my poor grammar and writing, I was advised to see the writing center. I did not know what to feel when I was scared, nervous, and felt like a failure. After a week, I decided to see the writing center and they were helpful and provided great feedback. I was proud to receive an “A” in the next paper. However, when in my doctoral courses, I received the same criticism on my writing. I enrolled in an independent study course with my mentor and chair to help me with my dissertation study, but the first month of the course was focused on grammar. He made me buy a grammar book and do all the exercises. It was different but thanks to him, I was able to publish, win grants, and finish my dissertation. My social identity has made me feel fortunate and privileged. For example, the week I received my acceptance letter to UC Riverside was the same week Immigration and Custom Enforcement officers came knocking at my door looking for my family. That day serves as a reminder of the opportunity I have in the United States as a first-generation low-income Latino college student. I was born and raised in the barrios of Southern California, more specifically in the city of San Bernardino, which is known as one of California’s most dangerous cities. Every day, I think about the opportunity I have through higher education, because I have seen my closest friends and family members go to jail or drop out of school. As the first in my family to get an education in the United States, I struggled navigating the higher education system. However, I know that with persistence and patience I will make a difference for my friends, family, and community.

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I attribute my attributes to my mother. I grew up in a single-parent household, and my mother works in a factory and a butcher shop. We did not have much, but I always thought to be humble and cherish everything I had. She always told me that education was my way to a better life. Whenever I acted up in school, she would take me to work in the factory and after the day she would tell me ‘Do you really want to do this for the rest of your life?’ Overall, my experience in graduate school has been mixed. It has not been perfect, and I am fine with that. Coming from an athletic background you are never going to win every game, but with every loss, you must train to get better. I think my institution could have done more to help me navigate the job market and my advisor was not the greatest. My mentor who was on my committee did so much for me, and I attribute all my success to him, not my advisor. Your advisor needs to be willing to help you get better as a scholar, not just help you finish the program. But learning from all this, I would say graduate school was worth it because there are not many Latino males in graduate school, so someone has to suffer to help the future generations. If I were to do graduate school differently, I would say to network. I have learned that is all about who you know. I think someone should have told me earlier ‘more network, less research.’

Evelyn, PhD in Education, Private Research University in California Commentary on Evelyn’s Testimony Evelyn’s experiences in a PhD program are conveyed as largely painful ones. The absence of faculty who could help or guide her is noteworthy. Her story suggests that the achievement of the degree and the intellectual growth were not worthwhile accomplishments that could place the negative experiences in a lesser light. First-generation graduate students at private universities do talk about their isolation, largely on the basis of their lack of wealth and economic background. Research on graduate students of color indicates the isolation of these students in programs where there are few other students of color and few or no faculty of color (Haley et al., 2014). On top of mental well-being and negative feelings, Evelyn refers to physical bodily pain. The demands on the body—on necessary screen time, on word processing, and on chair or seat time—are often overlooked

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in research and practice. Yet among both graduate students and faculty in graduate programs, physical ailments follow from prolonged sitting and word processing. Faculty in graduate programs expect graduate students, especially doctoral students, as researchers and scholars to devote hours daily to word processing, to sitting for prolonged periods of time in static positions. Most concerning with Evelyn’s experiences is that her social identity as a person of color was not just a limitation for academic development but a negative confirmation of her lack of fit in the university. The sociologists, Burke and Stets,2 refer to this as non-verification of identity, which leads to negative emotions. Evelyn’s Testimony After completing my dissertation, I was asked by several people about how I felt. I wanted to say that I was excited, happy, and accomplished. I wish I could have been able to say those things. The truth is that I was overwhelmed with anger. Going through graduate school was a significant personal accomplishment. I am the first one in my family to be able to earn a doctoral degree. Both of my parents still work for minimum wage. It feels good when they talk to their friends and other relatives and say that their daughter is a doctora. I am not sure they understand what it truthy means, but seeing their eyes filled with pride is rewarding. If they only knew what their daughter had to go through in order to be a doctora. Graduate school can be a nasty place for a woman of color. I felt that I had to give up so much of who I am in order to fit in the perfect idea of what a PhD student is. I gave up time with family, my love for dancing and exercise in exchange for publications and conference presentations. I thought publishing and presenting my research would give me joy, I was wrong. I was constantly comparing myself to others and wishing I would be doing more. My doctoral degree impacted my social structures, mental well-being, and physical body. Over the last 4 years, my commitments to academia were constantly questioned. Whenever I visited family, I was told I needed to prioritize my family obligations. I appreciated my family because they understood that my program demanded a lot of work. However, being told that I needed to be doing work at the time when I was just trying to

2

 See Burke, P. J., & Stets, J. E. (2009). Identity theory. Oxford University Press.

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spend time with family was detrimental to well-being. I was never able to take my mind off from work. Within my graduate program, my work was constantly devalued. I was told that I was too close to my research topic. It was painful to see peers of mine leave the program because their contributions were often devalued, and they developed mental health challenges. I inflicted so much pain on my body as I tried to navigate my doctoral program and eventually complete my dissertation. I developed carpal tunnel on my wrist. My vision was also affected, and I developed back problems from sitting for long hours as I read and write. On three occasions, my back gave out I could not get out of bed. I cried so many times out of frustrations. A lot of time I wanted to quit because I could no longer take the physical pain I was undergoing. I was pushed to my limits mentally, physically, and spiritually. I was constantly reminded that academia was not a space for people like me to thrive. I lost important people in my life during the 4 years that it took me to complete my program. Thankfully, I also gained other people who experienced this PhD program with me. They were mainly other people of color. I think we felt so isolated and devaluated that we just stuck with each other. I have so much love for the people who were with me at my lowest. Intellectually, I grew in ways I never imagined myself. If only my parents would know what it was like to complete this PhD. I am still happy they get to brag about me being a doctora. Yet I feel anger that I put my body through flames. Academia can be more empathetic. Sadly, not for people of color. My mental and physical challenges are proofs of it.

Eduardo, Master’s in Education, Private Research University in the Midwest Commentary on Eduardo’s Testimony Eduardo’s accomplishments speak not only to his undergraduate professors’ support and guidance but also his own capabilities, those qualities that these professors observed. What he learns is that without a community which shares his social identity, self-esteem and self-efficacy suffer: These qualities become reduced. No doubt the academy, especially at prestigious universities and in highly regarded programs, relies upon rationality, upon scholarly

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research, for justification of viewpoints and ideas. Professors are trained in this way and apply what they learned to their graduate students. Eduardo’s graduate school professors were conditioned to reject the personal—it is difficult for faculty to overcome the structures that train, prepare, and reinforce academic behaviors. Although her work was published in 1994, Laura Rendón’s use of validation theory3 and her observations are relevant to contemporary higher education institutions, and they apply to Eduardo’s experiences and those of many first-generation graduate students. The notion of validation pertains to both academic and personal validation—that is, the acknowledgment of the value of the student as a learner, academic validation, and the value of what the student brings to the classroom, the value of the student’s experiences. Eduardo did not receive validation either personally or academically in his graduate program. Eduardo, however, recognizes that the credential and the knowledge gained in a graduate program provide personal and career assets, and satisfy his family. But, on a larger social level, the personal benefits to individuals, largely economic benefits, are insufficient. To become a place for first-generation students similar to Eduardo, graduate programs, graduate schools, and their faculty and administrators will have to act and alter the structures, practices, and assumptions of the past. Eduardo’s Testimony As a boy growing up in Lake Los Angeles, California, a small rural town in Los Angeles County, I would have never imagined that I would be embarking on this journey. Growing up my parents would wake my three siblings and I up around 4 am to take us to a babysitter. At age 12, my twin sisters were responsible for taking care of my younger brother and I because my parents could no longer afford a babysitter. As a child, I hardly saw my parents because they worked extensively in order to provide for my siblings and me. As a child that impacted my schooling and academic performance. I was suspended a couple of times for inappropriate behavior. Thankfully, soccer saved me from pursuing the wrong path. It eventually became a huge part of my life and our family. My friends, family, and I would bond over soccer, and travel to games together. This is what helped to start to focus in school. 3  See Rendón, L. I. (1994). Validating culturally diverse students: Toward a new model of learning and student development. Innovative Higher Education, 19(1), 33–51.

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I made my way into UCR [University of California, Riverside]. Here is where I started to connect with faculty. Little by little I started to connect with my professors and lost the fear of being perceived as I did not know anything in my classes. As I started to make relationships with my professors, they started to talk to me about considering graduate school. At first, I was not convinced of going to graduate school. The price of attending was somewhat scary. Despite this fear, I listened to my professors. They helped me to put together a research proposal. I was able to present my work at Harvard University. It was this experience that enabled me to start seeing myself as potential graduate student. With the help of my mentors, I applied to graduate programs. I was surprised when I was accepted to the University of Michigan on a full-ride scholarship. My experience in graduate school was a little challenging. I used to get homesick a lot. The weather in Michigan is much different than the weather in California. It was cold. My parents are undocumented so they could not travel to go see me. Also, the [lack of a] Latino community in Michigan (inside the university was really small). A lot of time I felt isolated. I felt that my professors did not try to validate my experiences. For example, whenever I would share my experiences in the educational system with inequity, I would get pushback and was told to speak based on the literature. This was disheartening. As I got to know Latino PhD students of color, I also witnessed how the university was failing them. Their relations with their advisors were poor, and they struggled to meet basic needs. For example, one of my best friends became homeless during their PhD program. Their advisor continued to assign them tons of work. One day, during one of our research meetings, my friend was asked why he was carrying so many things. He could not tell his advisor that he was homeless. When I asked him, he said that his relationship with the advisor was not open enough for him to share his struggles. The more I saw friends struggle with basic needs and struggle to foster a relationship with faculty, the more I became convinced that academia was not meant for me. I do not want to continuously struggle to make ends meet while having the pressure to constantly dedicate my time to research. It is not a fulfilling life for me. At times, I thought about dropping out from my Master’s program, but thinking about my family and working at a nonprofit community in Michigan kept me grounded. I was constantly reminded that although colleges and universities can be toxic for people of color, having credentials from these institutions enabled me to have some credibility behind my name as I seek to promote educational

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opportunities for my family. Education is power. My family has worked hard to provide for me. Persisting in colleges and universities was necessary to make my family proud.

Manuel, Doctoral Student at University of Texas, Austin Commentary on Manuel’s Testimony Manuel not only experienced and became intimately aware of social isolation but also used his early experiences to develop into a doctoral student with a clear mission. The tension between family background and educational institution and between at least two cultures follows Manuel as he develops a social and academic identity. Even though English is a second language, this condition is not used as a rationale for difficulties in university. Manuel will face this challenge in the extreme with the doctoral dissertation. His choice of the University of Texas’ doctoral program and its faculty are compatible with his background and interests, with doctoral students in that program who share his experiences. Manuel’s Testimony I am a proud first-generation Xicana from the Pacific Northwest with raíces [roots, origins] in Oaxaca, México. I was born in California, but my family moved to Oregon, where I was raised with my two younger brothers. As beautiful as my home state is, growing up in Oregon was detrimental to my identities as a low-income student of color. I attended a small, predominantly White school district where I did not know a word of English. The Latinx population has increased throughout the years, but we were never represented in the school’s administration. The strong anti-­ immigrant sentiment in the community caused me to internalize the racism I encountered, and I struggled embracing my cultura, language, and brown skin. My parents’ inculcation of the value of education kept me going, though I had no idea of what to expect in college. Their support helped me persist in an environment that didn’t celebrate students like me. After much hard work, I was selected as a recipient of the Gates Millennium Scholarship–which covered my educational expenses for 10 years.

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I enrolled at the University of Oregon–a Predominantly White Institution with more than 25,000 students where only 6% identified as Latina/o/x. I struggled to find a sense of belonging and to navigate campus life. I began to learn about the systemic oppression rooted in colonialism that I had experienced for most of my life. Slowly, I began to embrace my identities and became involved on campus as a student leader. It was then that I realized I wanted to help more people from my community enroll in college, so they too could embrace their narratives and identities. After college, I interned in Washington, DC, and learned about different career opportunities that I had never been exposed to. I remember feeling sad that my college peers couldn’t be there with me to learn the things I was learning. I went on to enroll at Teachers College, Columbia University in New York City to earn a master’s degree in higher education. I felt proud to represent my community at an Ivy League school, but I continued to feel guilty that my peers back home did not have access to an elite institution. I learned more about the barriers that Latina/o/x students face in terms of college access and college success, and I knew I had to continue with doctoral studies. The amount of wealth that most of my peers come from was also alienating. It was hard to connect to the faculty. I had to remind myself of my purpose quite often. Currently, as a doctoral student, my research is focused on educational equity and Latino men in higher education. I have two little brothers, remember? They are my inspiration to help transform colleges and universities to better serve young men of color, because they are continuously pushed out of the educational pipeline from a young age. With this degree, I hope to return home as a professor and encourage my students to challenge systems of oppression in the classroom and to work to uplift our comunidades. This is what keeps me going. Sometimes, graduate school can make you feel lonely and isolating. Having mentors and reminding myself of the different identities I carry as I navigate colleges and universities is what keeps me going.

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Alejandra, Master’s Degree in Education, Public Research University Commentary on Alejandra’s Testimony Alejandra is typical of numerous nontraditional students: They are those who have serious impediments in order to persist in postsecondary education (Levin, 2014). However, the majority of those nontraditional students who share Alejandra’s characteristics begin at a community college. That pathway to the baccalaureate degree is fraught with problems, but for many it works if they have resilience, institutional support, and are not overwhelmed with work outside of college. Alejandra took the more difficult task of direct entry to a large public university, away from family and without appropriate academic support. Alejandra persevered and gained from the experience. This was a bold step, but it speaks to Alejandra’s character, particularly to motivation, and, no doubt, self-confidence. What pushes Alejandra and other similar students to this end is a passion for change to conditions for the disadvantaged, not just for themselves but for their community. Alejandra abandoned a secure career as a bilingual Math and Science school teacher to pursue and complete a master’s degree, while continuing to work during the program to support herself. Alejandra’s Testimony I grew up in what 10-year-old Adalia [music fan who sings on stage with pop artist Jessie J] considered a glorious 3-bedroom castle in the East Aldine District, a predominantly Spanish-speaking, low-income, working-­ class neighborhood in Houston, Texas. My mom never allowed me to leave without eating breakfast at 5:30 am, and I had to catch a 1-hour bus ride to attend a magnet school. Growing up, my dad worked in construction, and a few years of being in a new country, my mom became a medical assistant after mastering the English language. A turning point in my immigrant-turned-naturalized parent’s life came when my dad developed larynx cancer. My dad had his voice box removed for any chance of survival; this meant that he would lose the ability to make his living in construction. Thus, my mom became the sole provider for our family of four, on a modest income. Times were never easy for us, but my brother and I never went hungry or lacked our basic needs. We were raised to appreciate the shoes we had

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regardless of the brand, because we knew every sacrifice was for a better future. I intended to do whatever it took to make sure my parents’ sacrifices would never go to waste. In 2011, I received an acceptance letter to the most well-known university in Texas, the prestigious UT Austin. With full parental blessing, an abundance of ambition, and no road map, I had no choice but to navigate college. Like many of my first-generation peers, I did not grow up hearing stories about what residential halls were like or receive suggestions to study abroad or join a culturally-based organization. I managed through my freshman year as best I could. Still, I always wonder if I had been paired with a mentor or met a faculty member with a passion for helping the Latinx community, what opportunities would I have been encouraged to pursue? I persevered and figured UT out on my own. I made incredible memories and developed useful skills that I would later apply in my life. Determined to serve my community, I returned to my East Aldine district after graduation, this time as a bilingual math and science teacher. Then it dawned on me. Twelve years had passed from when I was in my 4th grader’s shoes, yet the needle had barely moved for kiddos like myself. Inside, I knew that my students could grow up navigating elementary school through college without a road map either. I had a desire to do more to help college students figure out their road map. I decided to pursue a master’s degree and a career in higher education. Similar to my experience navigating UT Austin, I was also under-resourced on how to navigate the graduate school process. I applied to one school, the University of Houston (UH), with little guidance on the process, I was admitted. However, I was facing a difficult decision to risk my job security, stable income, and insurance coverage or enter a field with no connections. Anxious about the outcome, my intuition was telling me I had to get my Master’s. I cleaned up my classroom one last time, sacrificed half of my income, applied for a part-time assistantship to begin graduate school full time, and entered a new field. As a graduate student, I said ‘yes’ to far too many tasks to optimize my chances for a full-time job down the road. Sometimes, it felt that I was running a marathon. Classes, internships, and side job was a lot. My days would start at 7 am and will not finish until 1 am every single day. Yet, I was making almost nothing money-wise and living below my means. I did not spend much time with family and friends. I think my parents were worried about me because every time they called me, I was either in school or at work. I questioned my life and my decision a lot of times when I was

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in my program, but things started to fall in place once I earned my degree. One year of overextending and an internship later—I landed a full-time job offer as a career counselor and instructor at the UH and graduated with a master’s degree in May 2019. Graduate school is worth it. A lot of sacrifice. You go to graduate school not so much for the training, but rather for the credentials that will put you in a position of power to work with the community you want to serve. For anyone reading this now, I learned that there are opportunities and spaces that we, people of color, first-generation, from humble beginnings, need to be leading in. For too long, the needle has not moved for us, and we will not close that gap until we demand change. My advice is this: Continue speaking up, make your accomplishments known, go for the opportunities that scare you a bit, and empower your community while achieving greatness.

Hector, Master’s Degree, in Public Policy, University of Michigan Commentary on Hector’s Testimony In Arizona in 2010, SB 1070 (Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act) was a notorious anti-immigrant law. A report from The University of Arizona4 on the effects of SB1070 suggests that although the law was not implemented fully, it led to trauma for the affected communities, particularly on youth. As a Latinx youth, Hector was politicized by these conditions. His personal experiences and knowledge of Latinx and disadvantaged populations provide insights so that book learning and graduate program curricula are enhanced, even though what Hector reads seems detached from everyday experiences. Both academic background and understanding and personal experiences can contribute to the promotion of justice in the John Rawls sense: that is, to advantage the disadvantaged.5 Hector’s near-solo graduate school condition can be ameliorated if he reaches out across campus to students of color in other programs,

4  See Southwest Institute for Research on Women, College of Social and Behavioral Sciences Bacon Immigration Law and Policy Program, James E.  Rogers College of Law. (2011). Left back: The impact of SB 1070 on Arizona’s youth. University of Arizona. 5  See Rawls, J. (1999). A theory of justice. Belknap Press of Harvard University Press.

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and perhaps consider a doctoral degree at a university where there are Latinx faculty and graduate students. Hector’s Testimony I was born and raised in a city called Chandler, just southeast of Phoenix, Arizona. My dad is from a small town in Chihuahua, México, called Santa Rosalía. My mom grew up in Arizona and is from a Mexican-­ American family. Growing up, my mom was a Head Start teacher and my father worked as a landscaper at a golf course in Arizona. Part of my childhood was spent in project housing, then my family moved to rural Arizona, and I grew up past the Gila River Indian Reservation. But we moved back to Chandler, and I attended public schools in Chandler, AZ.  I came of age during SB1070-era Arizona when sheriff deputies in Maricopa County racially profiled Latinos for blaring corridos [popular music] from their car radios. Growing up in an environment that was hostile to my immigrant family members always caused fear and uncertainty. The fear and injustice that I experienced early in my life led to my involvement with political campaigns. I started organizing people in my community to push back against the oppressive laws in my home state. This injustice led me to study public policy in college. My undergraduate years were very formative, and I took advantage of incredible co-curricular activities and work-learning opportunities. I attended Arizona State University-Tempe and graduated with my degree in Public Service & Public Policy in 2016. With my public policy education, I want to contribute to positive changes in the United States and around the world. This is my motivation that fuels me to do well in graduate school. The courses are demanding, and they feel like a never-ending amount of work. My work on activism feels disconnected from what I am being taught in the curriculum. It feels as if my classes want me to improve the conditions for underserved communities without empowering underserved people to challenge structures of power. I am critical of everything I read, and I am always trying to apply the course content to how can I work better with the community. I do not want to be a person who is only book smart but forgets about where he came from. Regardless of the alienation that I often feel because of my community-centered work, I must make sure that I continue on a path

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forward. Being the only Latino in a graduate classroom is hard, but a feeling I have gotten used to. The higher I go into education, the less I see people who look like me. It is because of this that I carry a sense of empowerment as I navigate my graduate studies. For future individuals reading this, you will be in positions where you will have to work harder with less, where sometimes you are the only person like you in the room, and where you may be the first person from your family to ever enter such a space. First, you have earned it, be proud, celebrate, for you are the sum of generations of resilience. Remember, when you blaze the trail, to open the doors for the generations after you.

Oscar, PhD in Higher Education, University of Texas, Austin Commentary on Oscar’s Testimony Oscar’s background experiences are both life-enhancing and life-­enduring. The conditions may be near impossible to overcome, but if overcome then this background and these experiences can be re-interpreted and used as well to understand theory and research in his PhD program. Here is the influence of parents without substantial education who support and motivate their children to heights of educational attainment. They no doubt provide Oscar with affirmation that he is capable. He is an English as a second language student and an English writing instructor. Graduate school is taxing, especially with full-time work. The trick is to combine study with work: course taking and research on related topics, and eventually a connection to the dissertation. Likely, Oscar will become a university or college administrator, and with his knowledge and personal experience, as well as commitment to institutional improvement for students of color, he will be an asset. He has moved a considerable distance from a life in poverty and has arrived at a place where he can advocate and work for those who share his background. Oscar’s Testimony My name is Oscar. My life story began when I was a young Mexican-­ American boy living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my large family in Los Angeles. The nation had a hostile political climate toward

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Hispanics, especially those undocumented. At the time, my parents held unstable employment and financially struggled to provide us with adequate clothing and school supplies. It impacted my K-12 schooling experience, as teachers and peers belittled me for not speaking proper English and living in poverty. Eventually, we were evicted from our home and forced to find another apartment, which led us toward Inglewood. In both cities, I still encountered systemic racism and educational inequalities. I had imagined my life opportunities to be limited and stagnated. My family is my primary source of strength. To this day, my parents still are two of the most influential people in my life. They only held a middle school education, thus pushing me to strive for higher education to provide them with a better life. They fueled my aspirations without realizing they would have raised a first-generation Latino male college student, community mentor, and social justice advocator. I achieved the prestigious Gates Millennium Scholarship, my bachelor’s degree from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), and a master’s degree from the University of Texas at Austin (UT Austin) Graduate school always feels like a never-ending amount of work. In the classroom, I usually felt overworked. I always knew I needed to earn a PhD so from the moment I got to the Master’s I made it a constant goal of mine to hustle—network with professors, try to do research, get internships, and work so I can pay my bills. So, at UT Austin, I worked as a site coordinator for Project MALES (Mentoring to Achieve Latino Educational Success) to mentor promising African American and Latino male middle school and high school students. Then, as the program coordinator for the College Assistance Migrant Program (CAMP) at St. Edward’s University, I taught a year-long writing course and coordinated a mentoring program for undergraduate migrant students. These programs reaffirmed the importance of advocating and creating safe spaces for students of color in higher education institutions who may feel unheard, unsupported, and invalidated. Working in these programs also reaffirmed my need to earn an advanced degree. I wanted to participate in the decision-­ making process for the university, but a lot of times because I did not have a PhD, I was an in-progress master’s student, and my opinions were not taken seriously. By no means my experiences in graduate school were easy. Working and studying full time while carrying different hats was exhausting. Feeling

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burned out in graduate school is a horrible feeling. I was burned out every single semester. I always felt that I needed to take on more than I could handle so that I could prove my worth when I apply to graduate programs for a PhD. I hope the work I put in at Austin is worth it in the long run.

Lulu, School Psychology Doctoral Student, University of Houston Commentary on Lulu’s Testimony The impostor syndrome for students of color, and first-generation college students, is connected to stereotypes. Lulu has internalized the negative stereotype of the Latina—not capable of academic attainment because of various characteristics, or traits, conveyed in both popular culture and in academic research. These are self-imposed negative attributions: That one is not deserving of their achievements and that they are a fraud in their role as a graduate student.6 This condition or syndrome is common among first-generation students, undergraduate and graduate. Without affirmation from faculty at the graduate level, this syndrome continues. Lulu is the only Latina in her program, and this places considerable pressure on her to perform as she takes on the responsibility for those who share her social identity to be future graduate students. Lulu’s Testimony I grew up in the border towns of Nuevo Laredo/Laredo. As a kid, I enjoyed participating in poetry and speech school competitions. I enjoyed being on the volleyball school team and playing tennis. I grew up with unconditional support from my parents. My parents always encouraged me to set personal and academic goals. Every year I chose a new goal, and I actively work to accomplish it. Education has always been highly valued in my family. My siblings and I grew up listening to my parents say that the most important thing they could give us was an education. My aspirations and dreams are greatly influenced by the value that my parents have always placed on education. 6  See Joshi, A., & Mangette, H. (2018). Unmasking of impostor syndrome. Journal of Research, Assessment, and Practice in Higher Education, 3(1), Article 3. https://ecommons. udayton.edu/jraphe/vol3/iss1/3.

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I think a challenge I experienced specifically in high school and college was dealing with comments that implied that I could not achieve my academic goals. I often perceived that others had inaccurate and biased perceptions of my academic/intellectual ability because I was a Latinx student, and Spanish was my first and primary language. Despite the perceptions, my mom and dad were my primary motivation and inspiration. My parents always believed in my capacity and strength. There were times I doubted my ability to accomplish my goals, and when I lost faith in myself, they gave it back to me. My parents have always been, and continue to be, my strength when I am weak. Their sacrifices have not gone unnoticed. I will always be thankful for their unconditional support I am currently a doctoral student in the school psychology program at the University of Houston. My own experiences have influenced my interest in education and psychology for Latinx students. I am particularly interested in working with Spanish-speaking and Spanish-English bilingual youth. I aspire to use the experience and knowledge I gain in my doctoral training to support the academic advancement and well-being of the Latinx community. However, one of the most challenging moments in my career has been dealing with “impostor syndrome.” Particularly during my first year of graduate school, there were times when I felt like I did not belong and that my abilities and qualifications were not enough to succeed in a doctoral program. I found myself working twice as hard as everyone around me and it always felt that my work was not enough. I think it would help if I would see other Latina women in my program. Sadly, I am the only one. I feel pressured not only to have to explain my story/background to people who might not have grown up in a similar environment as me, but also to perform at the highest level possible. For whatever reason, I feel that if I fail, my department will stop admitting Latina students at a doctoral program. So, in addition to struggling with imposter syndrome, I also feel pressure to overcome it and be the best student that I can be. The thing with imposter syndrome, however, is that sometimes you can be doing amazing work and you do not see that. I wish people in my program (faculty) would validate me more often. Even my faculty advisor seldom recognizes my work. However, I feel validated when I work directly with the community. I think that the best moments in my career are the times I have had the opportunity to work with Latinx families. Using my first language to support and connect with Latinx families always brings me joy and fulfillment. These experiences remind me why I am in a school

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psychology PhD program, and they keep me going. For those reading, please do not underestimate your abilities, strength, and resiliency. Embrace your culture, identity, and bilingualism. Know that your work, effort, and dedication will be worth it.

Isabella, School Psychology Doctoral Student, University of Houston Commentary on Isabella’s Testimony Isabella’s family background is complicated, and yet in spite of their lack of higher education, the parents support her journey in higher education. Although bi-racial and bi-ethnic, Isabella identifies as a black woman. There are special challenges for black women in higher education, particularly at predominantly White universities and in graduate school (Joseph, 2012). At the PhD level, black women at these institutions experienced isolation, loneliness, and considerable discomfort (Gildersleeve et  al., 2011). Students of color experience countless behaviors of discrimination as undergraduates at predominantly White universities, mostly in the form of micro-aggressions, which de-valued their worth as students. Graduate students of color can serve as a token graduate students of color in service functions, such as governance committees. The field of School Psychology is not a highly diverse one. Yet, the school populations that practitioners serve and that researchers study are diverse, particularly in urban communities, such as Houston and Los Angeles. It will take individuals such as Isabella to champion the students of color in these communities and to conduct research that gives voice and attention to these populations. Isabella’s Testimony I was born and raised in the hot desert of El Paso Texas, which continues to be one of the safest cities in the United States. El Paso is a city with rich culture as it neighbors Juarez, Chihuahua, and is home to one of the largest military bases in the U.S., Fort Bliss. My father was a soldier in the Army stationed there, which was quite a move both in distance and culture for a young Black man who was born in St. Louis, Missouri. My mother was born in Juarez, Chihuahua and

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moved to the U.S. at the age of 21. She was seeking refuge from an abusive marriage, with my oldest brother, and my sister on the way. My mother found support in her family, which included my grandparents and a total of eight aunts and uncles, as recently established in the U.S. My parents met in 1990. Although they did not know each other’s native language, they found a way to make dating work. They married in 1991, and one year later, I was born. I am part of a blended family; I have two brothers and one sister, raised in a multicultural home. I have very fond memories of a humble and simple childhood with my siblings and extended family. One of the greatest challenges in my life has been navigating my biracial and bi-ethnic identity in a country that supports White Supremacy. My parents sometimes had different values, which proved to be challenging. On top of the conflicting values within my home, the microaggressions and barriers that I experienced navigating the education system and within my family were challenging. Another prevalent challenge in my life has been overcoming generational racial and domestic violence trauma. Many people have played an influential role throughout my life, but one thing that stuck out to me was my family’s value of education. Both of my parents made sacrifices during our childhood, and the best gift I could give them was to pursue something that I always loved, higher education. Giving back to the community was also prevalent in my upbringing, so I developed a desire for social justice and community service. I decided to pursue a psychology degree at a 4-year institution. While no one in my family went to college, I took a leap and applied to doctoral programs in School Psychology. I was accepted to the PhD program at the University of Houston in 2016 and have been working on my degree since then. I take a cultural humility lens and focus on family and community-focused service delivery. Some of my saddest moments in my career have been experiencing passive-aggressive forms of discrimination and microaggressions. For example, I have been mistaken for a cleaning lady. In the classroom, my research agenda taken as being biased or non-empirical enough. I get accused of being angry all the time for being too passionate about issues of equity. The more I think about it, it is challenging to be a Black woman in academia. There is not a lot of us. I have to find my network outside of my department/university. At conferences, I make an effort to meet one or two people who I can build community with. This has been

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my way of thriving in spaces where I often feel alone and vulnerable because I do not feel fully accepted and incorporated into university life. Despite feelings of not belonging, some of the happiest moments in my career include building an authentic sense of community and support with a few (4) colleagues, (2) faculty, and supervisors. The people who work at the cultural centers have helped me a lot at making feel included and part of their community. Sometimes just having a space where I can see other people who look like me (even if they are undergraduates) is empowering.

Norma, PhD in Ethnic Studies, Public Research University in California Commentary on Norma’s Testimony Those who have encountered similar experiences of parental deportation will know Norma’s pain; for those who have not faced similar conditions, the loss of parents in this manner is incomprehensible. Norma offers a compelling explanation of the origin of a research focus in a PhD program. Although this focus comes with pain, it is crystal clear and legitimate. Norma rationalizes the doctoral program as a therapeutic salve, a form of self-exploration, self-knowledge, and self-healing, while simultaneously as an uncovering of a population’s trauma, both individual and collective. Her motivation for the doctoral degree is not expressed as job or career-oriented but rather as truth-seeking. Norma’s Testimony “Ya no llores, por favor [please do not cry]. Everything will be fine. Busca la direccion. This is just temporary” was the phrase my parents said to me as they stood on U.S. soil for the last time. On May 9th, 2012, a day before Mother’s Day, seven Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers surrounded my South Los Angeles home. My parent’s faces full of tears as a car door closed them off from my brother and I, from their small business, and from a country they called home for 22 years. This is the last memory I have of them in the U.S. My parents were deported that same day and my life as I knew it had ceased to exist. Whether they implied getting directions to the immigrant detention center they were briefly held in or whether it was an implication on coping with post-deportation life, it was

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the former part of this phrase that proved pointless and the latter that required more effort. Despite its intention, this phrase would, unbeknownst to me, frame my path to education. At 16 years of age, with an unsupportive older brother crushed by responsibilities and lack of family involvement, the prospect of higher education ameliorated my concerns. My father pushed me to attend college, and with a vast amount of help I started my journey at the University of California, Santa Barbara [UCSB]. Despite my efforts to normalize my life with quotidian rituals, my depression was relentless. It thrived on confusion, abandonment, and the lack of resources that resulted in self-doubt and loathing. It took me three years to recognize that when that car door closed and took my parents away, my sense of identity and security left right along with it. The disconnect from whom I was before to who I was after the deportation was the one change I could not seem to accept. I was riddled with emotional pain and psychological trauma that was magnified by a lack of familial support, the loss of my childhood home, financial struggles, food insecurity but more overtly, the lack of understanding about my situation that was pervasive everywhere. Counseling and mentor involvement in UCSB defeated my aversion to Chicana/o Studies courses. Those Chicana/o Studies halls provided me with a platform for rediscovery and for voicing my concerns. The literature, the conversations, and the culture that is fostered within ethnic studies departments are crucial for the progression of minority students. My progression took on the form of identity reaffirmation as a strong Chicana woman, one whose existence was no longer valid upon its relation to deported parents. However, I yearned for direction. I yearned for a course to simply acknowledge the existence of my demographic in academia. Despite my hopeful assumptions and citizenship status, resources were not available for the citizen children of deported parents at the government or university level. Without discrediting the poignant efforts, mentors, and professors of UCSB’s historic Chicana/o Studies department, the severity of my situation was still a concept that remained an out-of-sight, out-of-­ mind mystery. I questioned how deportations affected the citizen children of the 2.5 million people who were deported during Barack Obama’s presidency. Being able to intersect my experience in Sociology with my fascination for Chicana/o Studies was the drive behind research guided through case studies in hopes to dismantle this legalized method of separation. I took a non-traditional demographic, explored their lives, and found myself within

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them. They shared stories of car doors closing on their parents, of navigating international relationships, of guilt, depression, instability, fear, and lack of direction. Solidarity was formed and upon realizing that my sample population only reached the depths of Santa Barbara, I knew there was so much more work to be done. The prospect of life-changing research was born. A plan towards inclusivity is what we all yearn for. The ethnic studies boundaries allow for intersectionality. I plan to initiate research where departments within ethnic studies are not just connected but in communication under the premise of migration and its fickle ramifications. Minorities should no longer be the collateral damage of a broken immigration system. These departments should do more than teach us our history and decolonize our identity; they should put their efforts into action. As a daughter of immigrant and now deported parents, I should have the resources available to deal with the marginalization of an action imposed on me. My research is proposed to give direction. It will be an important amendment added to the already established guidebooks: one focusing on the citizen children and advising on the necessary steps to survive in a world without their parents. This PhD process has allowed me to extrapolate my initial findings to fully understand the experience of this population within a variety of institutions. I will promote the institutionalization of a citizen post-deportation identity, one recognized by censuses in order to ensure proper box-checking procedures in future applications. My lived experience and my previous as well as my ongoing research will strengthen my career and fuel my efforts towards establishing effective policy changes for the sake of equal opportunities in higher education. I have a commitment to pay it forward, to learn about the injustices that deportation will continue to cause, and to effectively increase the participation of all those afflicted through community organizing and improved retention rates. Deportation of a close family member should not be a factor in determining success rates. Today, I am still learning to live a life without them. That closed car door taught me how to be resilient. I want to create an innovative interdisciplinary approach for citizen children suffering the effects of deportation that will comfortably and effectively fit within the realms of immigrant discourse and civil rights issues. UC Riverside has provided me with the best platform for me to achieve my research dreams, be a thriving member of a wonderful academic society, and to, most importantly, help underrepresented populations find their dirrecion.

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Pablo, Master’s in Educational Counseling, Private Research University in California Commentary on Pablo’s Testimony Pablo learned from experience, difficult as that was, not only about himself but also about the hurdles and disappointments for college students with similar backgrounds. These experiences, part of life’s educational journey, inform his future path into and through graduate school. Higher educational institutions nourished and sustained Pablo in both undergraduate and graduate education. This support is not typical for first-­generation students, who express concerns and regrets about their treatment as college students. Even the private university for the Master’s program, which enrolls students who are more affluent than Pablo, provided supportive graduate student peers and inspiring faculty. Pablo’s Testimony Growing up in Los Angeles, two of the biggest schools you always heard from were UCLA or USC. Everyone in my community wanted to go to either one of those two schools, including me. South Gate is a predominantly Latinx community in the South-East of Los Angeles area, nearest to Watts, Huntington Park, Lynwood, and Downey. Many who graduated with me were not prepared for college, or even the thought of graduate school. Thus, before even understanding that there was college after college, I was already at a disadvantage. Wild stuff. I was one of the ‘lucky’ ones, and was tapped to be in all the AP and Honors classes, which, constituted the same people year after year. Being in this group, I was labeled ‘college-going’ and was given more time with my counselor and college counselor—both of which didn’t seem to have high hopes of my college choices. This lack of care led me to want to take matters into my own hands and apply as a Peer Counselor in my final year of high school. I found my passion: counseling. I enjoyed helping my peers see higher education as possibility, despite being told otherwise. To be honest, it fuels me to this day. Fast-forward to my one and only denial, and also my dream school, UCLA. It was devastating at first but it ended up being a blessing in disguise as another door opened itself up, UC Santa Barbara [UCSB]. A match made in heaven.

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Upon starting at UCSB, I quickly learned there was a clear difference in educational grasp from my peers. What took me hours to write a paper, took others minutes. I knew my high school did not prepare me for college work. My high school 5 paragraph method was quickly given back to me for a subpar grade. I felt like an imposter being there. I cried a few times at night, disappointed at myself, knowing my parents would be disappointed. However, what kept me intact was my roommate, who was also my best friend from high school. Fortunately, we both went to UCSB and were each other’s roommates. We constantly spoke about our struggles, and we pushed each other to keep on going. Not sure where I would be without him, to be honest. Throughout my time at UCSB, I figured that in order to be successful, I had to get good grades; however, this was only part of the equation I later found out. Getting caught up in the social scene made me forget extracurriculars were very important to the development of my professional self. Of course, until my senior year at UCSB, I partook as a research assistant and volunteered at an elementary school as an ESL teaching aide. No one ever told this was THAT important, but it was. After I graduated from UCSB and moved back in with my parents, I was under the impression that I would be making 40k simply because I had gotten my B. A. Life laughed and put me on the unemployment list for 7–8 months. I fell into a minor depression and felt like I had wasted four years of my life—felt like a complete failure. Having the need for income, I accepted a job in the private sector, and had a mixture of emotions because it was not where I envisioned the rest of my life. I always knew I wanted to be in the education setting and helping people. Fortunately, during my time at this private company, I stumbled upon a program called the USC College Advising Corps—a program dedicated to college access. I decided to apply and fortunately was selected. Despite it being a large pay cut, my happiness and my future were at stake. Upon starting at USC, a school I used to visit as a kid to see a dentist, I felt different than when I was at UCSB. I was not there to play games, and told myself that every opportunity from here on out, I would take and give it my all. I never wanted to go back into that depressive state I was in, never. My mentality from then on was to hustle, for myself and for my community. This shift in mentality led me to be curious about attending graduate school for counseling. However, I did not know where to start searching. Fortunately, my training for USC allowed me to network with faculty who were teaching at the USC program and informed me more on

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the process. Thus, after much discussion, I decided to apply to USC Counseling program. This was the only program I had applied to because being a USC employee gave me a huge benefit in tuition remission. What sealed the deal for me was I was offered a scholarship and, alongside the tuition benefits, would cover most of my degree. To be honest, I cried. I knew I was making my family proud. When I started graduate school, I was nervous. It had been a while since I had taken any courses that required me to write, let alone academic pieces. However, my goal of being a counselor was happening and my drive was stronger than ever. I attribute this drive to my start of being employed by USC as mentioned. Throughout my journey in graduate school, I learned so much about education as a system and about the structural inequities that persist within it. Learning this and working as a college adviser, made my drive about being an equity-driven educational practitioner. I told myself that any way I can help others, I would do so with 100% of my heart. I don’t think I would change anything about graduate school because of the experiences that made me who I am today. I don’t believe I encountered any hurdles that would have made me considered otherwise. Every opportunity to grow in graduate school helped mold me, from the awesome people who were in my cohort to the amazing professors who taught some of the courses—the experience was life-changing.

Cruz, PhD in Higher Education Administration and Policy, Public Research University in the Midwest (The Ohio State University) Commentary on Cruz’s Testimony Cruz finds affirming and supportive people at the right influential stage in her life. The distance from family during her doctoral program, as well as from her home state, can create stress and ultimately anxiety but her peers and advisor provided a community and validation, even though at times she thought of herself as unworthy of a doctoral program. Without these supports, she could have been in dire straits, lost and lonely. Her early experience with a counselor and later with Master’s program with a faculty member demonstrated to her the value of guides and mentors. In Greek mythology, Mentor is the wise guide who offers direction

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and counsel to younger characters, such as Telemachus, the son of the wandering father, Odysseus. Mentors provide support and knowledge, and Cruz’s counselor and a faculty member were those who guided her on her educational journey. For Cruz, the doctoral program offers two classrooms and two curricula: the university’s formal program and her interpersonal experiences, especially those with peers that affirm her presence in the program. The doctoral program can become a community experience, with both students and faculty immersed in a joint project. Cruz’s Testimony During my undergraduate career, I was most concerned with surviving. I spent most of my undergraduate career working long hours at fast food restaurants, commuting two hours across long freeways to and from school, and supporting my family at home. The only knowledge I had about graduate school was from movies that highlighted law school, like Legally Blonde. At one point, I wanted to learn more about law school, just because my parents said I was a peleoñera [fighter] and often reminded me how much I loved to argue. I was also in mock trial in high school as an extracurricular activity and had so much fun learning about cases and pretending I was an attorney. However, I wasn’t sure who to ask for help about the graduate school thought process, and I didn’t think I would get accepted into law school having only worked at fast food restaurants. After I graduated, I had no idea what career path I wanted to pursue. So, I applied to random job postings I found online. I began working at a dental technology [company] in Santa Monica, where I called dentists across the country to create an online profile with us. I was working 6am-­3pm five days a week, repeating the same script over the phone, and feeling unfulfilled. Being in a predominantly White space became frustrating, and I desperately wanted to leave. I felt guilty for wanting to leave a job where I was earning a salary I had never seen with my own two eyes. Then one night, I had a dream. I dreamt about an experience I had when I was in middle school. When I was 12 years old, I was sexually assaulted by a relative. I confided in a friend, who told her mom. I woke up with police officers and social workers at my house. When being interviewed, I lied…because I didn’t want to break my family apart. After this incident, I became depressed. I wasn’t interested in school or excited about anything anymore. So, I began seeing a counselor. Whenever I

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could not handle being in class, I was able to walk into the counselor’s office and feel like a person again. Through our conversations, this counselor continuously reminded me how education was a pathway to freedom. He told me that people can take anything away from me, but they can’t take away the knowledge I acquire. His advice to me before I graduated middle school was to learn one new thing every single day. I woke up from my dream and realized he planted a seed in my head. I did not want to settle for a job I was not passionate about. I wanted to continue learning. More importantly, I wanted to help him how he helped me. I wanted to support students who were facing challenges and provide support to make sure they achieved their educational journeys. I wanted to become a counselor like him. However, I had no idea how to do that. So, I began googling how to become a counselor. I came across graduate programs and was amazed at the fact that I could continue my educational journey to support others in this capacity. Because deadlines were approaching so soon, I signed up to take the GRE [Graduate Record Examination] the following week, not knowing the format of the exam or the fact that I actually needed to study. And I applied to one graduate school’s educational counseling program. Fortunately, I was accepted into my master’s program where I connected with my cohort and faculty members and learned about higher education and student affairs. I worked at community colleges and a college access program where I helped students learn about college applications, financial aid, and more. During this time, I felt like a sponge. I was taking in each and every experience and interaction within my various roles and creating goals for myself to learn and do more. I genuinely enjoyed connecting with communities around me and supporting students. I wanted to teach students things I didn’t learn or learned much later. I wanted students to be more prepared than I was when I began college. My passion towards higher education and supporting marginalized communities led me into thinking about continuing my education. I spoke to a faculty member in my Master’s program to talk about what a doctoral degree was and if I was even capable. This faculty member validated me and reminded me I was capable of pursuing a doctoral degree. She explained the differences between an EdD and a PhD, suggested I look up programs and attend info sessions, and invited me to help her out with a research project. After reaching out to peers, students, and faculty across different institutions, I was accepted into an out-of-state institution, where I was offered a financial fellowship.

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My journey in a doctoral program has been challenging. I moved across the country to pursue a doctoral program, which was the first time I ever left home and my parents. During my first year, I was accused of gossiping with other women of color doctoral students and bullying a white student. I experienced loss in my family and couldn’t travel 2000 miles back home to comfort my family. I couldn’t go to a coffee shop or grocery store without having White folks say something racist or ignorant to me or my friends. I felt like every single day there was another event impacting my ability to just exist as a student. There were so many times I wanted to quit because I felt like I did not belong. I was questioning my very decision to be in this program, and I was regretting moving and being far away from my family. I felt miserable and so alone. Fortunately, I had support from the beautiful women of color in my program, who wiped my tears and supported me when I needed it most. And I also had support from my faculty advisor, who supported me more than I could ever ask for from a graduate advisor. His support made me feel like I belonged. He was interested in my personal well-being over anything academic-related. He viewed me as a person first. For that, I forever and deeply appreciate him. I am currently wrapping up my second year as a doctoral student and am still learning so much about myself as a person and scholar in the academy. I have formed a community that validates and empowers one another. I have had the ability to work and attend school from home with my family and surround myself with love and care, especially during Covid-19. This past year has opened my eyes to the importance of love and self-care in the toxic environment that constitutes academia. I don’t know what my future will look like at the end of this doctoral program or even as I begin planning my future career. All I know is that I want to continue to offer forms of support to folks. I want to create empowering spaces of validation and care for folks who are often left out of conversations and ignored. I still hope to continue to learn one new thing every day to reach these goals.

Fernando, Law, Private University on the East Coast Commentary of Fernando’s Testimony Fernando’s commitment to come to the aid of underserved populations led him to Law school. He views the justice system in the U.S. as biased

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and discriminatory. But his nuanced interpretation suggests that the problem stems from the justice actors, who are not in the main from disadvantaged backgrounds and thus unable to relate to or empathize with those who seek and need legal help. Fernando offers both a mature perspective and a humble attitude. His background, in particular his parents’ values, shapes his pathway and influences his work ethic. His talent and high level of motivation, tied to his social community, both sustain and define his personal and career identities. Fernando’s Testimony My desire to pursue Law school stems from my need to help others. The need and want to help others are driven by the values that my parents instilled in me at an early age. These values are based on the concept of being educated in the full sense of the word: educado is what we call it in Spanish. It means to be academically educated, but with the purpose of helping those in need. I see graduate school as the tool to become educado. Living as an educado has led me to pursue a career in public service, with the ultimate goal of one day exercising a profession in law or politics. I am the son of two Salvadoran immigrants who came to the U.S. as teenagers with nothing but an elementary school education. I have grown up in a low-income household, where I have seen how my community has had disruptive events that stem from poverty, such as gangs and violent crimes. Despite it all, I always push myself against all barriers because I am focused on the bigger picture of helping others. I know that those issues can be alleviated through legal representation and laws that are representative of our society’s needs; for these reasons, I seek to become a lawyer and eventually a politician who will be properly equipped to address people’s needs. While there is a conversation on how marginalized populations lack adequate access to legal assistance, I believe there is also a need to focus on developing lawyers who come from disadvantaged backgrounds. Coming from a disadvantaged background myself, I understand the importance of connecting with someone who has a similar upbringing; it facilitates the understanding of one another that ultimately maximizes the assistance provided. I want and need to be the person who fights for underserved populations; it is personal to me, so I will do everything in my capacity to ensure I succeed.

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The desire to help others only goes so far, as it obviously needs to be backed with substantive work. As such, I have been preparing myself as best possible through my work experiences so that I could develop indispensable skills that will allow me to succeed in Law school and beyond. I worked for a Congressman and a city major who enabled me to learn from numerous opportunities. In these capacities, I worked with the community, non-profit organizations, government agencies, the legislative process, how politics influence policy, and much more. I am continuously learning how government works and how we can impact the communities we represent. I am proud to have been a helping hand on one of the largest environmental cases in California’s history with the closure and cleanup of a battery recycling plant called Exide Technologies. This experience made me realize how subtle laws can have a detrimental impact on certain communities and think of strategies to counter those effects. I want to see my community in better shape. These are the type of experiences that made me want to pursue Law school. I do not mind putting up with the long hours of studying or the amount of student debt. I know that my sacrifices will pay off for the good of my community. Law school is the pathway I have chosen to leave a mark and do good for others. Law school is my way to continue my educado journey in the service of others. I started my career in Law school at a public university. At first, I was scared. Law school is grueling, and it pushes a lot of people out. Luckily, I managed to do well in all my classes. I did not socialize much. I felt the responsibility to work hard; wasting the opportunity to get ahead in life is something I could not afford to do. While my friends would go out partying at night, I stayed behind to make progress on my readings. This type of hard work enabled me to be in the top 5% of my class. I thought I could be at a better Law school so I decided to transfer to Georgetown where I am currently a second-year student. Going from a medium-range public Law school to a private and high-performing Law school was a shocking experience. To think that I took classes with Trump’s daughter does not make sense in my head, especially when I take into account the humble beginnings that my family comes from. School has that. It is an equalizer. If you put your mind into it, you can compete with people who are more privileged than you.

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Xavi, Master’s in Education, Public University Commentary on Xavi’s Testimony Xavi’s self-doubts are common self-reflections among numerous other first-generation undergraduate and graduate students. And, similar to Xavi, those whose second language is English do not credit themselves with academic accomplishments at the undergraduate and graduate levels. A major hurdle to overcome for first-generation students includes their lack of knowledge of how college works and how a student needs to know how to negotiate college, including selection of a major, financing college, preparation and application for graduate school, and seeking out guides— staff and faculty—who can help them navigate the institution and provide emotional and psychological support. Xavi’s trials include a journey with a disability, although temporary. Few do well in graduate school without the guidance and support of others. Although Xavi had positive experiences in graduate school, she indicates that she could have achieved more under circumstances that would not have placed her either at a disadvantage or in a position where her learning and achievements were limited. Xavi worked to do well academically but she also worked to maintain mental health in the face of structures that were not supportive. Throughout her journey, Xavi’s MVP [most valuable person] was her mother. Xavi’s Testimony Some of the most vivid memories I have of my childhood are school related, particularly doing homework at night on the dinner table with my mom by my side. Education was heavily stressed by my mom, since as a single mother, she knew education was one of the best keys she could provide in order for me to pursue a path that will give me a stable future. After completing elementary school in Tijuana, Mexico I was offered the opportunity to continue my education in San Diego as my aunt offered to host me until I finished high school. I didn’t hesitate to say “yes” without giving it much thought. My mom on the other hand seemed worried and sad because she knew I would have to be away from her for most of my adolescent years. Fortunately, my aunt’s house was just a few miles away from the border and I was able to visit my mom frequently. Middle school was not easy at the beginning, but by 8th grade, I was on a program that put me on track to attend SDSU [San Diego State University] due to my

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good grades. The program was called Compact for Success and offered all San Diego residents automatic acceptance to SDSU to all students who completed the AG requirements and had a 3.0 GPA or higher. Every several months an SDSU counselor/representative would meet with me and go over my progress and the steps needed to be admitted to SDSU. This program was the first college-related contact I had that put me on track to attend college although my college educational journey started many years ago at home with my mom. Once in high school, I was recruited for AVID [Advancement Via Individual Determination] and was guided every step of the way to ensure I not only applied for college, but I attended. My college experience at UCR {University of California, Riverside] was full of uncertainty in regards to what was next after getting my degree. It wasn’t until Winter quarter during my 5th year that I added Education as a Minor when I realized Education was the field I wanted to pursue without a doubt. Right after graduating from UCR, I worked as a teacher’s assistant for two years in Spain and got to better understand how schools work. I particularly noticed certain inequities in academic performance related to many areas such as teaching methods, resources, support systems, instruction, socioeconomic status, supplies, class size, funding, work environment, and many other factors. Through this experience, I knew I had to continue my education if I wanted to be competent to adequately serve my community, particularly students, who are the most vulnerable group amongst all stakeholders in education. Applying to graduate school itself was a challenge to me due to the lack of knowledge, guidance, and, most importantly, knowing whatever graduate program I pursued was going to determine a great part of my immediate future. I considered multiple universities and programs before even deciding to apply because I understood how this decision would impact my career opportunities. I knew Education was the right field; I just had to decide what I considered to be the most meaningful aspect I wanted to improve in the area of education. Initially, my interest was college access, particularly working with high school students. As I began my first quarter at UCR’s M.Ed. program, it was more than clear the inequities students of color face in addition to all the challenges they must overcome when pursuing academic success. One of the requirements for a course was to do a certain amount of observation hours. It was through this experience that I got to see numerous inequities in student achievement related to instruction in great part. I was allowed to observe multiple classrooms, ranging from 9th graders to 12th graders, special needs to advanced

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students, from ESL classes, Math, Science, English, honors courses, AP courses, amongst others. The longer I conducted these observations, the more evident it became how instruction sets the tone for the class and directly influenced students’ academic success. My focus was on observing teacher instruction. From the time class started, I would notice how daily interactions, instruction, student participation, ‘indiscipline,’ the use of cell phones, bad words, assignments, group work, homework, and much more. At first sight, it seemed teachers’ intentionality or lack of intentionality was a great factor, followed by their level of displayed care for their students. The main challenge in the entire journey to grad school was deciding what was the right program for me to pursue. The lack of guidance and/ or mentorship is a challenge I have observed with friends of mine who are considering grad school. In addition to deciding the program to pursue, financial aid is another factor that directly influences the decision-making process. In my case, I didn’t want to add more student loans to my student loan debt due to the stress it comes along with. Academically, I questioned whether I was going to be able to handle all the rigorous work that grad school entails. I didn’t have a clue on how hard grad school would be, but I was up for the challenge. Mentally, I felt ready to take on a new chapter in my life and was ready to give it my best. Although I started grad school focused and energized, I sometimes struggled to control my emotions. At times I would question if I was at the same level of my classmates. I would constantly question my intellect and try to convince myself if I was meant to be in the program. It was a constant battle on deciding whether I belonged in the program or not. Academically I was performing good; I was learning like no other time period in my life, and even then I still found myself trying to convince myself I was good enough. Navigating college as a first-generation college student was a challenge not only for me, but for most of my college friends as well. Entering the unknown shaped our opportunities before college and also after college. Most of us were placed in remedial courses and were unaware of the opportunities college offered. Our focus was academic success and often lacked engagement in research, student organizations, internships, networking opportunities, professional development, etc. Aside from being a first-generation student, being an English learner prevented me from progressing during my college years mainly [because of] my lack of self-esteem due to my accent and, at times, difficulty in grasping material being covered in class and even sometimes sustaining conversations. In addition to

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this, before starting grad school, I unfortunately had a motorbike accident where I broke my femur and fractured my patella. I was in crutches for over six months before starting the program. During the program, I attended physical therapy twice a week and had to request accommodation due to my inability to walk long distances. I knew this was a temporary situation, but I felt the consequences right away. Even before getting to campus, I struggled to walk from my car to campus, even having to take breaks. By the time I got to campus, I was exhausted and had lost a good amount of energy. Once in class or in the library, it would be painful to sit for long periods of time preventing me at times to focus during class. I was fortunate to get a parking permit that would allow me to park near campus, but I still struggled even with this accommodation. As previously mentioned, this was temporary for me, but I got to experience first-hand the disadvantages a lot of students faced due to particular needs. Education was and has always been instilled in my house, especially growing up. My mom always did all she could to support us academically and was a big advocate for my siblings and me. She set the foundation for my academic success and shaped my mindset at a young age. Leaving my house at a young age to pursue better educational opportunities only made this a stronger bond. I knew academic success was the reason I had to leave my house, and I made sure all I could to reach that goal. Aside from my mom and the mindset she instilled in me, caring educators were key in the process of reaching college. I had two teachers who made college possible for me when I started high school. My ESL [English as a second language] teacher referred me to AVID my freshman year and ensured I was on the right track to attend college. She took the entire class to different college campuses and prepared us all for the SAT/ACT everyday to ensure we were prepared. She later went on to become Assistant Principal and continued to help numerous students. My AVID teacher guided me through the entire college process, from taking the right courses, taking the required exams, college applications, scholarship applications, financial aid, reviewing our personal statements, and even assisting us in deciding what college to accept. Up to this day, I continue to have a close relationship with her and deeply appreciate all the hard work she put in to make sure we all reached college. Lastly, I am aware my academic success is greatly due to the value I have placed on education. Education is what I value the most in life and know this is due to all the people that instilled this on me, particularly my mom. Education is highly praised in my family and the Mexican culture as a whole, which is why I want to

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contribute to this legacy and continue building on the strengths and academic goals of many students who are in need of guidance throughout their academic journey. Looking back at my experience during grad school and the application process, it’s clear to me the disadvantages I faced in the process mainly due to the lack of guidance. This seems to be common among most of my college friends who are also considering graduate school or have considered it. There are lots of questions and few people we can refer to. During this process, I visited multiple professors, counselors, administrators, informational workshops, etc., but it wasn’t until I got to discuss the program with a friend of mine that I felt confident in making the decision. Having friends, relatives, particularly someone close to me, allowed me to better understand what graduate school entailed and gave me the confidence to pursue it. I am aware UCR has plenty of resources to assist students, but in my case having someone who can answer all my questions was what helped me the most. I am grateful for the experience and believe graduate school to be the time of my life that has shaped me the most. I learned more than I could have ever imagined despite the challenges I faced. Even though grad school came with a lot of stress, uncertainty, rigorous work, financial burden, and much more, I am grateful for the experience and don’t see myself without completing this program. Looking back at my educational journey, I am grateful for all the experiences that led me to grad school, but understand I could have accomplished more if I had more guidance and a better understanding of college. My opportunities would have been different if I had guidance and better understood college before attending it. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to face much uncertainty, financial stress, and might have had better opportunities academically. I would also have [had] the opportunity to be more engaged in internships, research opportunities, student organizations, governance, community service, and better develop other skills such as networking and leadership.

Jazmin, PhD in Education, Public University Commentary on Jazmin’s Testimony Jazmin’s story is the horror tale or nightmare of doctoral students, seldom expressed. The academy can be abused by faculty in their role as supervisors of graduate students. Faculty have not always treated graduate students appropriately or with compassion. The relationship between an

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advisor and a graduate student is important, and usually the onus is upon the advisor to meet the needs of the students. The relationship between a supervisor, the person who oversees the dissertation or thesis, and a student is complex, as in this role the faculty member assumes responsibility for the students’ work, either a thesis or a dissertation. In the cases Jazmin notes, the teaching assistant was an employee of the university, and the faculty member was the teaching assistant’s supervisor; but, as well, the faculty member was a professional who needed to abide by a code of ethics, or university policy about standards of conduct. Clearly, the faculty member abused the teaching assistant by demanding work that would not have been within a teaching assistant’s job description; and, the faculty member violated their university’s code of conduct by their avoidance of their teaching responsibilities. Jazmin presents examples of where the structures of the university have too much weight or consequence: The supportive ones are absent in Jazmin’s case, and those that lead to abuse of students are not managed well. A dean or department chair or graduate director has the responsibility to ensure that faculty behave professionally and that graduate students are treated both legally and respectfully. Jazmin’s Testimony I have faced countless obstacles throughout graduate school. I had an exploitative advisor who expected my uttermost attention to research, 20 hours of research a week, and little room for personal development. As if coming to a new city, to a new campus, learning my coursework requirements and milestones, and learning professors’ expectations of graduate students were not enough. As I rode passengers in my advisors’ car as we went to track down participants from their longitudinal research study, they asked me how my quarter was going. I told them that I felt overwhelmed with the research and my coursework. They said to me, “Yea in the lab we all work like slaves and horses.” It was not until later that I realized the problematic use of her words and how undermining, demeaning, and belittling it was for her to refer to her students as slaves or work horses. Additionally, they offered no remedy but rather dismissed my feelings as ‘normal’ and part of the process of adjusting to graduate school. The quarter progressed, and I continued to check in with my advisor. One day as we were on the phone and they were assigning me new research tasks, I broke down crying, telling them I felt overwhelmed with my coursework and research requirements. The advisor said, “Students don’t

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usually break down this early, but every student eventually does.” They continued, “I’m glad you’re telling me that the work is too much because usually I keep giving students work until they break down or feel it’s too much for them to handle.” How can my advisor be doing this to their students? Why would an advisor keep pushing and pushing their own students until they break? I sought the advice of many people including my department’s peer graduate advisor, my Chicanx peer graduate advisor, and my undergraduate mentors. Eventually, I decided to confront my advisor in the most amicable way possible. My advisor either denied or minimized their remarks and eventually suggested I find a new mentor. I searched a different department for a new advisor and eventually found one who met with me weekly. The new advisor worked closely with me, giving me feedback on some tasks I did for them and discussing with me the implications of the work. Already, I started noticing red flags about my advisor. They would comment to me how the TA [teaching assistant] they were volunteering and not doing much for the class. As a student in this class with my advisor and their TA, I realized how the TA led all the class lectures/discussions. Additionally, the TA did all the grading, created all the power point presentations, and prepared all the course material. It seemed to me that the TA was doing a lot of work, if not all of the work. This was contrary to what my new advisor was telling me during our meetings. I ignored these red flags of my new advisor because I was desperate to leave the toxicity of my old department. As time progressed, I transferred into the new department and the advisor’s nuclear family expanded. Slowly, the advisor began meeting with me and advising me less but demanding more tasks to be completed. I eventually realized that I was in a similar predicament. You would think that because I had navigated the situation once before that I would be able to navigate it once more, right? Wrong. This was a whole new person in a totally new department. How could this happen to me again? What’s wrong with me? How do I keep ending up in these situations? As much as I blamed myself, I also blamed the institution for letting these people exist on campus with no accountability. As I continue my journey in graduate school, I continue to lose people in my life both literally and metaphorically. I continuously question my presence on this campus and in this department. I do not know how to hold these people accountable. One professor suggested, “Ask people to do specific tasks, tell them what exactly it is you need them to do because sometimes people cannot fully grasp these abstract ideas.” So, I begin to tell advisors in an amicable matter what I need of them as a

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student in hopes to get what I need and or know at least who I cannot get it from.

Paulina, Master’s in Education, Private University Commentary on Paulina’s Testimony Paulina’s journey includes family hardship and loss, financial insecurity, and personal isolation at a public university. Her experiences indicate the significance of institutional support structures. The same university that presents a foreign environment initially for Paulina is the university that offers escape from this environment and programs that develop students in authentic communities. In spite of UCLA’s claim of a diverse student population, the diversity stems from community college transfer students, not direct entry students. The cultural and social distance from Bakersfield to Los Angeles is akin to moving to another country. Even with a California State University and a California community college, educational attainment in Kern County, where Bakersfield is located, is substandard.7 In graduate school, Paulina was fortunate with her particular program in Counseling. Other students of color and first-generation students note that the private research university is often devoid of students of color, and there are few faculty of color. But Paulina did find a female faculty of color who supported her as well as students of color who offered her a social identity community. These positive conditions affirmed her direction and enabled her to persist. Administrators in student affairs do move to faculty positions or hold them upon appointment, particularly in higher education programs. Master’s students in higher education programs with a focus upon administration move to counseling programs in order to practice as counselors. But Paulina’s shift to a master’s degree in higher

7  During my field research for Nontraditional students and community colleges: The conflict of justice and neoliberalism, revised edition (Levin, 2014), at Bakersfield College, I met with and interviewed students, faculty, and educational administrators. The District community college Chancellor tried in vain to set up a meeting with me with the House of Congress representative, Kevin McCarthy. But his office flatly refused to agree to have McCarthy meet with me. The reason for this refusal the Chancellor indicated to me was that he did not want to be picked apart by questions about his lack of support for certain populations, including immigrant populations. That was 2008. McCarthy continues as a Congressional member and represents the city of Bakersfield.

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education administration suggests that she sees the policy issues that structure student experiences and that as an administrator she can influence policy. Paulina’s Testimony As a first-generation Latina college student coming from a largely rural and agricultural community, access to higher education has often felt minimal or nonexistent. Growing up as the fifth child in a family of seven, I was able to witness firsthand in my own home how the educational system functions to maintain a system of inequality and privilege. While my brothers and I started our education on similar paths, our trajectories diverged as a result of differential treatment in school. During our last two years of high school, my family not only lost our home and had to live in a hotel for a few months, but, shortly after, we lost our father to cancer. While applying to a four-year university was a difficult process partly due to these challenges, in addition, I also had to experience the inadequate professional academic guidance and advising offered in my high school. In the city of Bakersfield—where the population is 50% Latina/o but only 5% obtain a bachelor’s degree—my story provides a counternarrative to the harrowing statistics of my community. Although I excelled academically during my time at UCLA, I felt alone and isolated during my first year. Coming from a community where I was surrounded by students of color, I experienced an immediate culture shock on a campus that had less than 20% Latino/a/x students. I was not exposed to students of color often, and my experiences with other students sometimes made me feel less than—as if I did not belong to be there. Moreover, I struggled with food insecurity during my first year and felt that I had to skip meals to make it by financially. I felt so homesick that I ended up going home often to escape feeling so lonely on campus. It was not until the end of my first year that I discovered student organizations that catered to students of color and their experiences. I became exposed to other Latino/a/x students on campus through these student organizations, which allowed me to become empowered with my own identity. This was also a result of being exposed to ethnic studies on campus, particularly Chicano/a Studies. Being underrepresented on campus meant finding a lifeline to survive and I found that the key to my survival was other students who truly understood me, my background, and my experiences. I began to form my own voice and began to

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speak out for the needs of myself and other underrepresented students on campus. Despite the challenges I faced during my undergraduate education, I discovered I was passionate about working with underrepresented first-­ generation students through my classes and volunteer experiences. I realized that this student population often struggles with inadequate access to resources and information about higher education, similar to my own experience accessing and navigating college. As such, these are the students I aspired to help and support in the educational system. As a counselor, I felt that I could provide students with the necessary information, resources, and support to accomplish their goals and persist in their educational journey. I became exposed to the opportunities that graduate school could offer during my last two years of college, and I was encouraged by mentors, especially faculty and TAs of color, to consider graduate school as a realistic opportunity. During my senior year, I applied and joined a research mentorship program on campus, Educators for Tomorrow (EFT) that was hosted by the Academic Advancement Program (AAP). The EFT program is meant for students who want to develop research skills and learn about graduate degree programs in education. As a result, I became committed to applying to graduate school, so I joined the AAP Summer Graduate Preparation Course. As a result of the amazing help and support of my peers and graduate mentor, especially through AAP, I successfully applied to graduate school in the fall after graduating from UCLA. I was accepted into my first choice, USC’s Master’s in Educational Counseling (EC) program. While I was excited to embark on this opportunity, I felt extremely anxious when I thought about financing my graduate education. I struggled so much financially that I was considering dropping the program during my first semester—until I spoke to one of my female faculty mentors (of color) who provided me with a paid research opportunity to help me continue. Despite my financial challenges, I thrived in the program and learned so much about the educator and counselor I wanted to be. I partly attribute this to the number of students of color I was exposed to in my cohort and the bonds we formed; it was not an easy journey, but we constantly grounded each other and reminded each other of our potential. To this day, I am extremely grateful for my cohort and the faculty mentors of color who provided encouragement, support, and love in the community that we co-created.

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While my short-term professional goals are working with first-­ generation underrepresented students in counseling and advising, my long-term professional goals also involve coordinating and expanding retention and intervention programs to help first-generation college students access higher education. My experience, mentorship, activism, and research have taught me that lack of access to valuable resources, poverty, and lack of diversity in higher education are among some of the main issues faced by underrepresented students. Therefore, I am always trying to find new ways to improve learning outcomes of underrepresented students locally, nationally, and globally. A year after graduating from the EC program, I began working full-­ time as an advisor at a four-year institution (and as a counselor part-time at community college). However, after a year, I began to notice challenges that made me want to be in a role where I could do more for my students. With that in mind, I applied to USC’s Master’s in Postsecondary Administration and Student Affairs (PASA) program. While I love being a counselor, I realized that one day, I want to be in an administrative role— one that allows me to implement change on a wider level. Since I would be eligible for tuition remission for the PASA program, and since I had a steady job with benefits, I knew that I would not have the same financial challenges that I faced during my undergraduate and graduate experiences. It was an easy decision to make to continue my education and to have the privilege to be able to do it for free. While I have been able to use my counseling skills every day for almost three years in my job, I have simultaneously been exposed to subjects through my second master’s program that will enhance my professional roles in the future, such as administration, management, legal issues, budgeting, curriculum, and school climate. Now, a few months away from completing my second master’s degree, I am confident in the path that I am heading, both personally and professionally. It has not been easy, by any means, but it has been a journey fueled by learning, passion, and—above all—service to a cause greater than oneself. While my accomplishments are mine, they are also that of my community, for I have stood on the shoulders of giants—people who have paved the path for me and who have guided me throughout my own journey. I am eternally grateful to each peer and each mentor who believed in me, encouraged me, and instilled in me the idea to never forget where you come from. I will continue to reach forward, but I promise to always reach back and pull others along with me on the journey.

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Siempre pa’delante, mi gente. Si se puede. [Always forward, my people. Yes you can]

Sergio, Master’s in Education, Private University and Public University Commentary on Sergio’s Testimony Sergio did well academically, even though he does not refer to English as his second language, which required him to overcome some difficulties in written work, at least early in his education. Perhaps his Business undergraduate background sensitized him, unlike other first-generation students, to university costs. In Sergio’s case, the private institution would be a financial challenge and two Master’s programs led to educational costs double of the typical Master’s student. In the second Master’s program, he missed the on-campus experience, the connections to other graduate students, the in-class communications and interactions, and the proximity to faculty. Even though many tout the qualities of online education, there is sufficient evidence to indicate that online education is not a substitute for the physical in-person presence of students in a classroom, lab, and seminar room with a faculty member. Furthermore, the cultural and social environment of a campus is non-existent in an online degree. Sergio’s Testimony I am a first-generation low-income immigrant from El Salvador, a country with a history of violence, poverty, and crime, yet, also a country full of hardworking and caring people. As an immigrant to the United States, education has always been a big deal for me. In high school, I joined the Posse program [non-profit foundation] which gives students from racially minoritized backgrounds the opportunity to apply and receive financial support to enroll at selective universities. I applied to various schools and without knowing much about it, I went to Tulane University. I have always been adventurous, so I wanted to get out of Los Angeles and experience what else the world had to offer me. At Tulane, I earned a degree in Business. Being away from home was challenging, but it was necessary for my personal growth. I became independent and I learned to love LA a

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bit more while being away. Most importantly, I learned that I did not want to pursue a career in business. I wanted to help people through education. The first Graduate program I was accepted to was Master of Arts in Special Education at Loyola Marymount University during the summer of 2014. Ever since I was in undergraduate school at Tulane University, I was convinced that I will attend graduate school. The question I always had was: What school would I be attending? I thought I was going to attend graduate school in my early or mid 30s and to pursue my MBA.  That quickly changed a year after I graduated with a bachelor’s degree and spending a year in the finance industry. I decided to apply to Teach for America the same year and was accepted to the program. Luckily, Teach for America (TFA) Los Angeles has a partnership with LMU. The two-­ year commitment to TFA meant I had access to graduate school. I will work as an educator and on my Master’s at the same time. This was a great opportunity for me because I will not miss on any compensation, which is essential to living a comfortable life. My experience with my first graduate program was not as difficult, but more busy. In terms of academics, I felt comfortable with all the classes and assignments. When it came to financial-related situations, TFA corp members, like myself, had access to our own personnel. This made everything much easier because their communication methods were clear. Outside of TFA and LMU, I also had constant communication with my mentors, who are also in education. My partner also helped me tremendously by providing support and words of encouragement. My friends and family were also there to listen to me during the busy and tough times. In my opinion, what made this program not as difficult is because everyone who enrolled was part of Teach For America. We had a great support system that allowed us to collaborate, support, and be vulnerable with one another. Fast forward to 2021, I am currently enrolled in a dual Master’s Program and Preliminary Services Administrative Credential. The goal is to continue in education advocating and supporting communities similar to the one I come from. Honestly, I am not really proud of this second Master’s program. However, I doubt I will walk on stage, especially because of the pandemic. It just does not feel the same. I have not set a foot on campus. Right now, it literally feels that I am stuck with huge bill just to sit in front of the computer. I am taking student loans, and somehow I cannot justify it given that I have not attended school in person. Unfortunately, I do not make lots of money as an educator to pay $18,000+

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in one year for an admin credential and still live a comfortable life with my family. I decided to enroll in this Master’s program, since it was only $3500 more, because I am committed to being in a Title I school and I know I will be eligible for the Public Service Forgiveness Loan Program in the future and figured that it will be an investment. Unfortunately, my salary will not go up because of these extra units and/or the admin credential unless I become an admin. Graduate school has been great because of all the theories and interventions I have learned. Furthermore, I had created meaningful relationships with some of my classmates, who are now friends. I had some great professors that I have learned from. Having said that, the price I paid for grad school was not worth it. A lot of the information that I have learned can easily be shared with educators for a small fraction of the full price that institutions charge. If I had an opportunity to redo my graduate experience, I will apply to a dual Master’s and Preliminary Services Administrative Credential during my third year as an educator to avoid paying for two master’s programs and pay up to $15,000.

Shelly, PhD in Education, Public University Commentary on Shelly’s Testimony The behavior towards international students of color at U.S. universities and colleges is a form of ‘othering,’ that is, the view that acknowledges in-groups and out-groups, whereby in-groups are valued and out-groups are not. What in the U.S. was once discrimination confined to U.S. citizens of color, such as Latinos, African Americans, Native Americans, and Asian Americans, with the influx of international students to higher education, has become applied to international students of color.8 Some university graduate programs are structured to serve international students and some faculty advisors are equipped to support international students. No doubt the pandemic has placed additional pressures upon graduate programs, and loss of revenue for universities as a result of the pandemic has led to fewer employment potentials for students. 8  See Lee, J. J., & Rice, C. (2007). Welcome to America? International student perceptions of discrimination. Higher Education, 53, 381–409; Suspitsyna, T., & Shalka, T. R. (2019). The Chinese international student as a (post)colonial other: An analysis of cultural representations of a US media discourse. The Review of Higher Education, 42(Supplement), 287–308.

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Departments are subordinate to university central administration and to overall university budgets. If universities lost revenues of say 10–20% during the pandemic, that loss or part of it would be passed on to departments. Thus, departments had to curtail services and supports, with particular effects upon research (Radecki & Schonfeld, 2020). Although Shelly is reflective of past actions, given her skills and knowledge, she has the opportunity to pursue positions in universities where she can conduct research on topics in international higher education or she can secure a position in a university in student services where she can apply what she has learned to both disadvantaged students and international students. No need to look back and regret. Shelly’s Testimony Coming from a working-class family in China, at that time, overseas education in Western China was not common. I majored in English language studies in my undergraduate, where I built my language skills. I always desired to study abroad in the U.S. during my college years but hadn’t set up the goal until my senior year. The major reason is I am not sure if my family could support me financially. I took the TOEFL [Test of English as a Foreign Language] and GRE [Graduate Record Examination] tests during my senior year which is late compared to others. As a result, I missed the fall admission deadline of graduate school. So, I decided to do an internship first and then apply for graduate school in the following year. Finally, I overcame challenges culturally and financially and was accepted by the University of Pittsburgh as a graduate student in Education. I was first exposed to the concept of ‘race’ in my Master’s studies because I came from a place where everyone shares the same ethnic background. I almost never had opportunities to interact with people from other countries before my overseas experience. As an international student in a predominantly White campus, I quickly noticed that some domestic students viewed international students negatively, and they distanced themselves from international students by magnifying differences. Because of the vulnerability to microaggression and discrimination due to hostile campus racial climate, most international students, especially Chinese students, grouped themselves together automatically in class and after class. Sadly, many international students were hesitant to challenge their circumstances, environment, and campus climate rather than accepting their marginalized positioning.

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This experience impacted me in both my identity and future career aspirations. For the first time, I realized I am a person of color in addition to my established identity as an international student at a college campus in the U.S.  I have not denied my race but have become proud of it. Although the process of realizing and accepting my race was not pleasant, it was an important self-reflection process to understand students of color are not equally treated in U.S. higher education. After I earned my Master’s in Comparative and International Education in the States, I became a practitioner in the field of international higher education. I have primarily worked as a staff member with international students and students who are going to study abroad in both China and the U.S. These experiences further provide me with an understanding of the academic, social, and cultural challenges that international students face throughout their adjustment to the host culture and environment, such as language barriers, incomplete knowledge of the educational system, as well as learning new teaching methods and college culture. These issues made me think about how universities can respond to students’ academic and social needs, and address justice requests from all students. Later, I started to apply for PhD programs while working in China to further establish my career in higher education. Particularly, I hoped to make efforts in enhancing university diversity and engaging cross-cultural understandings among international students and school units. Thus, in my doctoral program, I continue to practice and advocate for marginalized and underrepresented populations in higher education. Reflecting on my doctoral study, although I have developed my knowledge and research skills in an academic setting, I feel disappointed sometimes during my study. First, the department is not helpful to support graduate students, especially during the Covid pandemic. For example, I haven’t found a TA position since last fall as there were only 1–2 position openings each quarter in the department. The department hasn’t informed students earlier about the potential funding issues, nor actively helped to solve the budget issue. Second, I think my research interest in exploring international higher education has not been filled. Even though the university is advertised for diversity, international diversity is not very valued and appreciated in many ways. I am not sure how I can do differently if I can start it all over again. I may want to start PhD study earlier right after my Master’s study if someone encouraged me to pursue a higher degree. As a first-generation college student and the first one to hold a master’s degree in the entire big

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family, I navigated the educational pathway and resources for graduate school/study abroad by myself. Obviously, there are not many social capitals that I carried before graduate school. Overall, the graduate education improved my skills, my competence, and confidence in future career development. Graduate education is worth it if PhD students can have more guaranteed funding.

Trae, Master’s in Counseling, Public State University in California (During Covid) Commentary on Trae’s Testimony For Trae, age and maturity are assets for graduate studies. Trae has occupied several roles—student, spouse, mother, and worker—and managed to meet the standards for these roles. Her accomplishments gave her self-­ confidence. Older undergraduate students with children are motivated by their children, both to serve as a role model for those children and to provide for their economic well-being.9 Those graduate students who have been working outside of the university for a period of time and then return to university to attend graduate school find universities to be almost out of touch with the rest of the world, and they note that academic study has little relevance to the world of work. Furthermore, delays in participation in graduate school often lead to feelings of self-doubt when one is first in graduate school. These are conflicts and barriers that Trae has overcome. Covid-19 added to pressures on those students with families, and, in Trae’s case, both her husband and children remained at home while she continued as a graduate student. Trae’s Testimony My name shows up on the official transcript as Trae; however, I go by my first and middle name of Trae Lynd. My parents have always called me Rae Lynn, so I never understood why they did not just have my first name be Rae Lynn. My biological parents and stepmother graduated from high school, and my stepfather attended school until the 8th grade. College was never a 9  See Levin, J. S. (2014). Nontraditional students and community colleges: The conflict of justice and neoliberalism, revised edition. Palgrave Macmillan.

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discussion in my household. At the high school I graduated from, we did not have a college counselor. One of the first experiences I had regarding college was going on a field trip to Washington State University. I was in the honor society in junior high, and we went to the campus and explored. During my high school years, we went to a few campuses, primarily band or sporting opportunities. These trips all had an impact on my wanting to attend college. As a first-generation college student, I did very poorly during my freshman year. I ended up taking a three-year break and went back to college to finish my degree. This time my motivation was more explicit. I had two young children I wanted to set an example for and have the career to take care of them in a stable environment. Once I graduated from college, I did not have in my mind that I wanted to go to graduate school. I was content staying at home with my family and caring for them while my husband provided the majority of our income. I used my degree off and on for part-time work, but I still was not thinking of graduate school. It was not until my oldest daughter was preparing to graduate high school in 2010 that the idea of graduate school came into my mind. Financially, we were not in a position for me to attend, and we still had little kids at home. Fast forward to 2018, when I applied for a full-time teaching position. My two youngest were in junior high and high school, and I decided to attend graduate school. So, happily, I began my graduate school journey in 2019. My experiences in graduate school have been eye-opening and exhilarating. As a teacher, I appreciate academia, but the systems seem to be antiquated. The theory is critical, but a practical everyday approach appears to be more effective. The value of researching in academic settings is essential. However, the quality of the research seems to be more corrupted by money and power status within university settings. I am sure, to some degree, this has always been the case; however, with recent events, this is even more evident. There are times when I am discouraged by the university system as a whole but not the Counseling department. My motivation to work as a clinical counselor has kept me going, especially with the challenges of working full time and spending quality time with my own family. During the 2020 shutdowns, our way of life changed overnight. Our family vacations to see family and friends in Canada disappeared. I still had the program to work within. However, my children and husband at home had little to nothing, so they depended on me to help them through.

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I am excited to be in my third year. The first two years, I doubted my belonging in the program. However, the hospice internship I am participating in alongside my middle school internship has slowly allowed me to experience why I am in this program. I enjoy co-remembering memories with people and together working through the problems that may be occurring within their time in hospice, either as a patient or loved one of a hospice patient. Hospice work requires a degree in social work. Although, some hospitals and clinics are becoming more open to the LPCC [Licensed professional clinical counselor]. In addition, I look at county jobs and community college jobs. I want to be aware of my options, so I have been looking at jobs in those areas. Beginning in February or March, I am going to start applying. Typically, I only apply for jobs I am interested in, and if I get the job, I accept it. If I do not get the job, I wait and apply for something else that interests me. I am hopeful yet scared that my age might come into play with getting a job I would want. Part of this is the expectation that someone my age would have years of experience within the field, and I will be new. Part of it is my fear of age discrimination. However, I am comfortable with all of the decisions I have made in my journey to graduate school and am proud of the accomplishments of staying home with my family and then attending graduate school. Finally, I would tell young people that graduate school is worth the hardships and dedication if they are passionate about the field they want to pursue. Otherwise, I cannot imagine wanting to push through three or more years of school for a mediocre response to a career.

Emilia, Master’s in Counseling, Public State University in California (During Covid) Commentary on Emilia’s Testimony Emilia has had personal family hardships. She copes with U.S. higher education as an undocumented immigrant, which is a serious impediment not only because of financial concerns, which often mean the paying out-of-­ state tuition, but also with dim job prospects after university. Emilia has accumulated and maintained a variety of identities, each with their difficulties in a social-political context that does not necessarily value or validate

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these identities. Although the parental connection is strained, in time this may resolve into acceptance as parents adjust to the altered identity of their daughter. These identities have a bearing on graduate school experiences. Emilia’s expressions of accomplishment and self-worth indicate a positive self-understanding. Emilia’s experiences and identities have led to a state of social and cultural awareness, and likely selflessness in her goal to give aid to others. Emilia acknowledges the effects of academic learning and graduate student experience. Emilia’s Testimony I am undocumented and also a first-generation college student. Undergrad and Grad school are literal dreams come true for me. I feel and recognize the privilege I hold by being able to pursue this dream, but I also want to be part of the people that work to make sure that education as well as mental health resources and access become more accessible and attainable to other undocumented students. I think the most challenging part of grad school has been feeling like I am going through the process alone. Although my family is very proud of me, I don’t think they really understand what I’m doing. Another difficult challenge that I’ve faced while in grad school is losing my grandfather this year. I was not able to attend his funeral and neither was my mom. My dad also lost his dad last year. This really affected our family but even now it feels like we haven’t really had a chance to grieve. Another challenge I’ve faced during grad school is coming out to my parents last year, and it has definitely had a huge impact on our relationship. So, I can definitely say that my grad school experience has been a roller coaster so far, because of the personal things in my life that have happened while being in the program, but academically, I have learned and grown so much. I’ve definitely been challenged with the workload as well as managing my time and just balancing everything out. I think the most rewarding experience has been doing fieldwork and being able to work closely with the youth. It makes everything feel worth it knowing that one day I will be able to put everything I’ve learned into practice, and if I can be the difference in at least one student’s life, then it will all have been worth it. Once I graduate, I want to spend some time working in the school setting but also eventually want to pursue the clinical setting. Mental health has always been important to me and although we have made progress, it

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is still so stigmatized in my culture. I am also contemplating applying to out-of-state positions: My ideal first counseling position would be working with high school students in underrepresented communities and being able to work with undocumented students. I also want to become more knowledgeable in working with LGBTQ youth, so that I can better serve any students I work with. I want to be a safe space for all students of all backgrounds, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. If I were to do this program over again, in an ideal world I would prepare myself financially so I could solely focus on school and not have to juggle working full time as well as school. Besides this, I wouldn’t change anything. My professors and my cohort are all amazing, and it has definitely been 100% worth choosing this program over shorter programs.

Bertha, PhD, Unknown University and State (During Covid) Commentary on Bertha’s Testimony The decision to apply for and enroll in a doctoral program is serious in that one subjects oneself to vulnerability, to a test of self, of one’s abilities, one’s resilience, and one’s future ideals. Over half of those who do enroll do not complete, for a variety of reasons, including finances, lack of motivation, lack of stimulation from the program itself, family responsibilities, illness, incompatibility with peers or with faculty, or both, and conflict with faculty, especially with faculty advisors or supervisors. The sooner the student departs from a doctoral program, the less the chances of personal turmoil and long-term negative emotions. Bertha has withdrawn from her PhD program, and initially faced personal turmoil, in the form of guilt and shame. Yet ultimately, Bertha’s self-knowledge served her well, and she has progressed from negative emotions to positive ones. Bertha’s Testimony I submitted my official withdrawal from my PhD program. This decision has been one of the more difficult of my life, but I’ve come to have no reservations in trusting that it is the right one. I have dreamt of obtaining my PhD all my life, but the circumstances that both life and academia have presented me with have led me to conclude that the time is not right to

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pursue such a dream. After a difficult year tainted by emotional lows and tough relapses in recovery from an eating disorder that I’ve yet to free myself from, I grew fearful and doubtful of my potential to reach a full enough recovery that would enable me to direct my passion and skills in generative ways. Therefore, I have chosen to step away from my studies completely (for the foreseeable future). Withdrawing from the PhD track was never my intention, and while it is devastating to accept the reality of this decision, I am learning to be proud of it. I didn’t know it then, but here’s what I know now that I have withdrawn from my program: I thought I was giving up, when really I was giving myself a chance. I thought I was choosing wrong, when really I was choosing for the first time. I thought I was sacrificing my joy, when really I was committing myself to chasing it eternally. I thought I was building my own cage, when really I was setting myself free. Life is not at all how I anticipated, and I’m hardly the person I expected to become. But maybe it’s okay that I’m not doing what I always expected of myself. Above all, following the overwhelming shame and guilt I’ve carried since choosing to step away from where and who I thought I was meant to be, I have never felt more courageous. Feeling deeply grateful, proud, and at peace.

Conclusions These narratives or testimonies evoke strong emotions in me, yet they mirror what I have heard numerous times in my office from students with similar backgrounds, both undergraduate and graduate. On the one hand, they express the pain and long-term trauma experienced by students who are predominantly people of color. On the other hand, they speak to the inadequacies of our educational institutions at all levels. The counter message, however, is that there are institutional agents, counselors, support staff, teachers, and university faculty, as well as student peers, who go beyond the role of passive observer or listener to connect with these first-­ generation students, support them, guide them, inspire them, and look after them emotionally. These narratives come from students with a high level of academic attainment—they have completed bachelor’s degrees, some completed master’s degrees, and some doctoral degrees, and the majority are currently in graduate programs, either Master’s or doctoral, with one in Law school and one in Medical school. They are among the small percentage

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of first-generation students to move on to graduate school.10 The stories of first-generation graduate students who did not complete their graduate programs and had left their programs are not displayed here, with the exception of Bertha. In addition to their status as first-generation students, these students are in the majority students of color, self-identified in the main as Latinx (Latino/a, Chicana). Do non-students of color who are first-generation students have similar experiences? From these texts, what I view as discriminatory behaviors against this population are largely based upon the student’s identity as students of color. Where students express the view that they were ignored or left on their own or in ignorance of institutional expectations, policies, and practices, I did not assume that these behaviors or conditions were rooted in discrimination based upon students’ color. However, first-generation status for all of these students subjects them to an institution, both at the undergraduate level and particularly at the graduate level, where the academic norms, including standards of performance, and the social-cultural expectations are not self-evident. These students do not have family members, particularly parents, who can convey either their university or college experiences to them or educate them in the ways of undergraduate and graduate programs and the ways to navigate the college or the university. The next chapter (Chap. 4) offers an analysis of the students’ testimonies. Chapter 4 considers the experiences of these students within the context of institutional structures, including both undergraduate and graduate programs.

References Burke, P. J., & Stets, J. E. (2009). Identity theory. Oxford University Press. Cataldi, E.  F., Bennett, C.  T., Chen, X., & RTI International. (2018). First-­ generation students: College access, persistence, and postbachelor’s outcomes. Stats in brief, U. S. Department of Education, NCES 2018-421, February. Center for First-Generation Student Success. (n.d.). Retrieved May 16, 2022, from Firstgen.naspa.org 10  Students whose parents did not attend college or university according to my definition of first-generation higher education students constitute 24% of all college and university students (Center for First-Generation Student Success, n.d.). A particularly small percentage continue on to doctoral programs, estimated at 4% of those who attain bachelor’s degrees (Cataldi et al., 2018).

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Gildersleeve, R. E., Croom, N. N., & Vasquez, P. L. (2011). “Am I going crazy?!”: A critical race analysis of doctoral education. Equity & Excellence in Education, 44(1), 93–114. Haley, K., Jaeger, A., & Levin, J. (2014). The influence of cultural identity on graduate student choice. Journal of College Student Development, 55(2), 101–119. Joseph, J. (2012). From one culture to another: Years one and two of graduate school for African American women in the STEM fields. International Journal of Doctoral Studies, 7, 125–141. Joshi, A., & Mangette, H. (2018). Unmasking of impostor syndrome. Journal of Research, Assessment, and Practice in Higher Education, 3(1), Article 3. https:// ecommons.udayton.edu/jraphe/vol3/iss1/3 Kisker, C., Levin, J. S., & Lopez Damien, A. (2015). What does a 10% achievement gap really mean? (and what can we do about it?): The complexity of achievement and opportunity at the California State Universities ((C4) California Community College Collaborative). University of California, Riverside. Lee, J. J., & Rice, C. (2007). Welcome to America? International student perceptions of discrimination. Higher Education, 53, 381–409. Levin, J. S. (2014). Nontraditional students and community colleges: The conflict of justice and neoliberalism, revised edition. Palgrave Macmillan. Levin, J. S., Jaeger, A., & Haley, K. (2013). Graduate student dissonance: Graduate students of color in a U. S. research university. Journal of Diversity in Higher Education, 6(4), 231–244. Radecki, J., & Schonfeld, R. (2020). The impacts of COVID-19 on the research enterprise: A landscape review. Ithaka S+R. https://sr.ithaka.org/wp-­content/ uploads/2020/10/SR-­R eport-­I mpacts-­o f-­C OVID-­1 9-­o n-­t he-­R esearch-­ Enterprise102620-­1.pdf Rawls, J. (1999). A theory of justice. Belknap Press of Harvard University Press. Rendón, L. I. (1994). Validating culturally diverse students: Toward a new model of learning and student development. Innovative Higher Education, 19(1), 33–51. Suspitsyna, T., & Shalka, T.  R. (2019). The Chinese international student as a (post)colonial other: An analysis of cultural representations of a US media discourse. The Review of Higher Education, 42(Supplement), 287–308.

CHAPTER 4

The Dialogues Explained: Barriers, Identity Dilemmas, and Institutional Behaviors

Introduction to the Analysis There is a good deal to consider in these narratives, both in individual journeys and in the collective. These are the first-generation students who did attend graduate school, who applied and participated in the first year of graduate school, and more; and some of these students completed graduate school while the others continue in graduate school. A common observation and assertion for a population that has overcome barriers, constraints, and harsh experiences is that these students have resilience. But that label and its application are either too simplistic or not appropriate because they assume that those who did not overcome barriers, constraints, and harsh experiences do not have resilience and that those who did relied upon some inner characteristic, either a nature or nurture, or combination, characteristic. Another postulate is that these students who endured are highly motivated, with one explanation that those first-­ generation students who apply for graduate school demonstrate not just motivation but confidence (or self-efficacy) that they are capable of persistence in a graduate program. An attractive explanation follows along the lines of scholars who view those in this population who are able to enact powerful agency against oppressive structures and prevail, as resisters of oppression. This resistance helps them endure in higher education (Gay, 2004; Ramirez, 2011; Tate et  al., 2015). These observations, explanations, and assertions can answer the question of why these students © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2022 J. S. Levin, Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-16808-6_4

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advanced to graduate school and explain why those among them completed. A problem here, however, is that what might apply to one group, for example Latinx first-generation students, might not be as salient for another group, for example Asian American first-generation students. Furthermore, what might apply to a group might not apply to the individual. I am often drawn to neoliberalism as an over-arching way to understand the experiences of populations within a social context (Ball, 2012; Campbell & Pedersen, 2001; Chomsky, 1999; Crouch, 2011; Gane, 2012; Harvey, 2005; Quiggin, 2010; Shore, 2008; Ward, 2012). Neoliberalism is attractive because it draws attention to the social, political, and economic environment in which social interactions and relations occur. A neoliberal context, which is a pervasive context globally, suggests that social interactions are largely competitive, judged for their material worth, as are individuals, and are both monitored by external parties such as co-workers, friends, peers, supervisors, and social media, and reinforced internally by subjects themselves. That is, action is a performance adjudicated by specific standards, depending upon the activity. For example, students’ academic performance, and thus students themselves, are judged by institutions, teachers, peers, family, and friends, as well as by the students themselves, by metrics, such as letter grades, grade point averages, class standing, scholarships, credentials (e.g., university degrees), and subsequent roles (e.g., graduate student, post-doctoral fellow, employment position). Neoliberalism ignores personal, social, and cultural characteristics of people and assumes that everyone is the same, identical, and places responsibility for action and results upon the individual. Those who are wealthy or prosperous are valued for their talent; those who are poor or in dire straits are judged negatively for their failures and lack of ability. Neoliberalism nullifies social theories such as critical race theory, or intersectional theory, or Rawlsian justice theory. According to critics of neoliberalism, individuals are neoliberal subjects and are motivated or socialized, or both, to behave as entrepreneurial selves, and to self-judge their progress and performance. To be productive, then, the neoliberal subject must demonstrate, exhibit, and market (or promote) the outcomes of their actions. They must sell themselves both to others and to themselves. For the purposes of my analysis, then, of the journeys of the first-­ generation graduate students, a neoliberal perspective accepts these students’ achievements as representative of neoliberal subjects’ worth, but not as overcoming obstacles related to race or class or gender, or any

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combination. Nor do these achievements signify group achievements or comparisons—not a comparison between Latinx students and Asian or White students or between low socioeconomic status students and those who are wealthier. The achievements of these students are individual actions and results, and they signify that these students are talented and worthy. The neoliberal perspective has no drama, no emotion, and no humanity: the good, the strong, the smart, and the talented do well; the others do not. If you are strong (either emotionally or physically, or both), smart, talented, and worthy, you will achieve; you will do well in your endeavors. These narratives, then, are simply accountings of those who do well. Ultimately, then, the neoliberal perspective does not suffice for analysis and explanation of the experiences and journeys of first-generation graduate students, nor does this perspective elucidate the testimonies of the students in Chaps. 2 and 3. I prefer a more grounded and salient framework to explain these students’ narratives, and this framework includes (a) the ways in which the students see and understand themselves; (b) the ways in which others see them, through these students’ perceptions; (c) the implied and named structures that define, constrain, and enable these students; and (d) the effects of personal heredity and history on these students’ experiences. Such a framework does not make value judgment of students’ experiences. This framework draws upon a variety of theories, such as critical race theory, intersectional theory, social identity theory, cultural theory, and elements of person-environment fit theory and stereotype threat, as well as institutional theory, to explain the experiences and journeys of these first-­ generation graduate students. There are overlaps in these four strands that comprise the framework, particularly in the first two—students may see and understand themselves based primarily upon the ways others see them. I have attempted in my analysis to separate the two and I am explicit about the students’ perceptions of others’ views and students’ perceptions of their own views (which may be based upon others’ perceptions).

The Ways in Which the First-Generation Graduate Students See and Understand Themselves I focus here upon the ways in which these first-generation graduate students view themselves. These self-understandings shape behaviors, either positively or negatively. The self is categorized as a certain kind of person, or more particularly an occupant of a role (Stets & Burke, 2000). In the

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case of first-generation graduate students, that role is student or academic, or undergraduate or graduate student, or there are several roles that these students occupy, and these can include the student role as well as other roles such as parent, spouse, worker in paid or unpaid employment, family member, friend, or partner. These roles are comprised of standards for which individual performance and behaviors are judged by both self and others (Burke & Stets, 2009). In this framework, the judgment is that of the role occupant, the first-generation graduate student themselves. Adrian is a medical student at a public university who viewed himself as not only unaccomplished without a postsecondary pathway but also in depression over his life’s choices after high school: “Despite both my siblings being at the top of their graduating high school class, I was an average student with no awards. I went through some deep depression after high school. I picked up a habit of smoking cigarettes and binge drinking, I started to hang out with a group of friends in Mid City that sold ecstasy and meth, and I was barely able to register to classes at community college because they were so full. Within my first semester of college, I failed whatever college classes I was taking, I had been arrested, and I would come home either drunk or high in the middle of the night.” His motivator was his immigrant mother, who wanted mobility for her children and that path was through education. His early years in school underlined his family’s economic and social status. “We were first-gen, we were broke, most of us were native Spanish speakers, and we all qualified for the same gov subsidized lunches. However, all our parents looked out for each other despite our different ethnic backgrounds: Mexicans, Ethiopians, Salvadorians, Nicaraguans, Guatemalans, etc. I would say that my elementary education was more focused on making sure we didn’t become delinquents.” Although in high school he served as a protector of his mother, “[M]y job at home was to constantly console my mother after being barraged with my father’s verbal and sometimes violent assaults against her,” Adrian concludes that he let his mother down: “During my high school graduation, I felt like I had failed my mother and that her second job to pay for my tuition was all in vain.” Yet, fortune or accident found Adrian in his misery at his community college, as a state university accepted him for a Science degree, and he viewed a pathway for himself and a chance to fulfill his mother’s goals for him. “A state college emailed me with an available spot for their spring semester claiming that my late acceptance was due in part to an unexpected federal or state budget increase to their institution. I took this as a second chance to redeem myself. I first joined a

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fraternity to keep myself away from all the bad influences in Mid City. And I lived near campus to stay away from my father. I felt like I had hope once again and that I would be able to fulfill my mother’s dream after all. However, graduating in the sciences was a different story.” After his struggles with his Science major, he understood he again made poor choices in his approach to undergraduate education, and again Adrian viewed himself as a failure. Yet, he found a way to persevere after acknowledging his ignorance about higher education and achievement in a Science program: “[D]uring my 4th year I found a group on campus called WATER (name modified for anonymity) whose goal was to mentor struggling 1st gen Latino college students towards applying to professional school. They gave me semester stipends so I wouldn’t have to work; they assigned us Latino graduate mentors to talk to on a weekly basis; and, they had us attend weekly workshops that exposed us to med school post-bacs and research opportunities.” Adrian’s view of himself was in large part the consequence of others’ views—his mother, his elementary school, his high school, his peers—and his misperception of educational requirements and standards. He was without knowledge of the social structure and processes of education, and this led him to define himself as a person without direction and one who disappoints his mother. Until this negative self-image could be replaced, Adrian floundered. He was without self-efficacy, without the confidence in his ability to do well in school or to progress toward achievement in higher education. As a young adult, he resorted to a self-image of himself as consistent with a stereotype of children from poor immigrant families who attend urban schools which themselves are inadequate, under-resourced, and located in neighborhoods that are dangerous. Humberto is a PhD student in Sociology at a public university. Humberto identifies closely with his Mexican background and his family, although these serve as neither negative nor obstructive aspects for his sense of self. “My parents taught me to value education. They regularly reminded me that they immigrated to the United States to provide my siblings and me with opportunities they were not afforded in Mexico. They were poverty-stricken but upon arriving in the States, they provided me with all that I needed through their multiple jobs.” His early life experiences did not thwart his journey nor define him as disadvantaged. They simply provided a delay in his journey to graduate school. “Growing up in the Inland Empire (IE), I experienced personal and structural violence. From losing loved ones to street violence to being targeted by local law

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enforcement. Further, the IE has one of the lowest educational attainment rates in Southern California. These experiences delayed my academic trajectory.” Indeed, these experiences served as motivators: “Experiencing run-ins with the criminal justice system, the incarceration of loved ones, and the death of my cousin propelled me to pursue higher education.” Humberto trusted his abilities and possessed self-confidence: He saw possibilities for himself through the actions and accomplishments of others. “I owe my academic success to faculty of color who supported me. I saw myself in them and they believed in me, which is why they mentored me and wrote my letters of recommendation.” He recognized his worth in others, because these faculty of color reflected back to him his talent and motivation. These interactions provided Humberto with identity verification (Burke & Stets, 2009), a positive affirmation of Humberto as a promising student capable of graduate work. Although Humberto could have understood himself and then defined himself as incompatible with higher education, and particularly with advanced studies at the graduate level, he determined, in large part because of mentors’ views of him, that he was matched to his academic environment. This congruency is often explained as person-environment fit (Lewin, 1935; Su et al., 2015). In Humberto’s case, his characteristics, in his view, matched the organization of the university, and thus his identity as a graduate student was verified. Estella was a Master’s student in Mathematics who completed her program at a prestigious public university, UCLA. She is a rarity in this field, not only first-generation but also a woman of color, indigenous, and an undocumented immigrant. “When I entered UCLA, I came into unknown grounds. It was a challenge to be the only person with my background in this space. It was challenging to be the only woman of color in my department. I also realized that my high school had not prepared me to do well in college. Additionally, as an undocumented student, I tried to build community with other undocumented students, but I always found myself to be the only undocumented student in a STEM related field. I felt as if UCLA was designed to make me fail, but I overcame the thoughts that this space was not designed for me. I remember being a STEM major without having a laptop to do my work. I did not know that the university had a laptop lending program. Without having much resources around me, I the found strength to do what seemed impossible: to be the first indigenous, Latina, and undocumented immigrant to graduate from the Mathematics and Statistics Department at UCLA. Finding mentors and staff who taught me core concepts in Math and advocated for me when I

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did not show the required competencies is the main reason why I was able to graduate from UCLA.” Her self-understanding—the ways in which she views herself—contributed to authentic communication about herself, and likely her persistence. “I have found that if you tell people what you are good at and what you are not good at, they will work with you. I also try to meditate a lot and ask for help as I way to prevent mental health challenges.” Luciana is a Master’s student in Counseling at a California public university. Similar to other graduate students, particularly first-generation students, she experienced self-doubt about her abilities and her place in a graduate program. “I think grad school has challenged everything I thought I knew which makes it hard to believe I’m doing anything right. I question my time management and my ability to be a competent counselor.” This self-perception reflects an earlier view of herself in high school as a person who lacks competency. “I had these self-defeating thoughts of being an idiot for not getting myself together and doing the darn thing.” Sergio, an immigrant to the U.S., relied upon his own experiences and values to guide and motivate him. “I am first-generation low-income immigrant from El Salvador, a country with history of violence, poverty, and crime, yet, also a country full of hardworking and caring people. As immigrant to the United States, education has always been a big deal for me.” He left Los Angeles to pursue an undergraduate degree at Tulane University in New Orleans. “I have always been adventurous, so I wanted to get out of Los Angeles and experience what else the world had to offer me. At Tulane, I earned a degree in Business. Being away from home was challenging, but it was necessary for my personal growth. I became independent and I learned to love LA a bit more while being away. Most importantly, I learned that I did not want to pursue a career in business. I wanted to help people through education.” After a year in the Business world, he returned to university: “I decided to apply to Teach for America the same year and was accepted to the program. Luckily, Teach for America (TFA) Los Angeles has a partnership with LMU [Loyola Marymount University]. The two-year commitment to TFA meant I had access to graduate school.” Sergio’s ability to trust his self-understandings based upon personal experience served him well until he enrolled in a second Master’s program, which did not appeal to him. He learned from his experience that “the price I paid for grad school was not worth it. A lot of the information that I have learned can easily be shared with educators for a small fraction of the full price that institutions charge.”

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Bertha was a PhD student who withdrew from her program. “I have dreamt of obtaining my PhD all my life, but the circumstances that both life and academia have presented me with have led me to conclude that the time is not right to pursue such a dream.” Her personal trials and her self-­ understandings led her to the conclusion that she was not in a position to complete a doctoral program. “After a difficult year tainted by emotional lows and tough relapses in recovery from an eating disorder that I’ve yet to free myself from, I grew fearful and doubtful of my potential to reach a full enough recovery that would enable me to direct my passion and skills in generative ways.” Yet, once she made the decision to withdraw, to accept that the journey to the PhD was not going to be accomplished, she gained a new understanding of herself. “I didn’t know it then, but here’s what I know now that I have withdrawn from my program: I thought I was giving up, when really I was giving myself a chance. I thought I was choosing wrong, when really I was choosing for the first time. I thought I was sacrificing my joy, when really I was committing myself to chasing it eternally. I thought I was building my own cage, when really I was setting myself free. Life is not at all how I anticipated, and I’m hardly the person I expected to become. But maybe it’s okay that I’m not doing what I always expected of myself.” Her self-perception relied upon her understanding of her experiences, and rather than view herself as others might, she viewed herself from an identity perspective based upon new standards. Her actions, as she now understood them, verified her identity in a positive light. Instead of a failed role as a doctoral student, Bertha understood herself as an autonomous agent able to by-pass others’ ascribed roles for her. Alejandra, a Master’s student at a public research university, not only viewed herself as capable in spite of a low-income working class background (“I grew up in…the East Aldine District, a predominantly Spanish-­ speaking, low-income, working-class neighborhood in Houston, Texas”) but also turned that self-perception to a cause when she was a bilingual Math and Science teacher to move her on to graduate school. “Inside, I knew that my students could grow up navigating elementary school through college without a road map either. I had a desire to do more to help college students figure out their road map. I decided to pursue a Master’s degree and a career in higher education. Similar to my experience navigating UT Austin, I was also under-resourced on how to navigate the graduate school process. I applied to one school, the University of Houston (UH), with little guidance on the process, I was admitted.

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However, I was facing a difficult decision to risk my job security, stable income, and insurance coverage or enter a field with no connections. Anxious about the outcome, my intuition was telling me I had to get my Master’s. I cleaned up my classroom one last time, sacrificed half of my income, applied for a part-time assistantship to begin graduate school full time, and entered a new field.” In effect, she turned this self-perception of efficacy into a perception of others: That there were other students similar to her who could be accomplished in spite of their humble beginnings. “I learned that there are opportunities and spaces that we, people of color, first-generation, from humble beginnings, need to be leading in. For too long, the needle has not moved for us, and we will not close that gap until we demand change.”

First-Generation Graduate Students’ Perceptions of the Ways in Which Others See Them I focus here upon what these students understand as others’ views of them. In this case, first-generation graduate students see themselves through the views and judgments of others. Again, the self is categorized as a certain kind of person, or more particularly an occupant of a role or roles (Stets & Burke, 2000), but here unlike where the student judges performance, it is the judgment of others (understood by the student) that categorizes the self. These categorizations or judgments shape the students’ behaviors. Evelyn completed her PhD in the field of Education at a private research university in California. Evelyn’s experiences in graduate school were shaped by the ways in which others viewed her, or more precisely the ways in which they understood she should be as a PhD student. Her comparisons with her peers were a negative source for her self-esteem. “Graduate school can be a nasty place for a woman of color. I felt that I had to give up so much of who I am in order to fit in the perfect idea of what a PhD student is…I was constantly comparing myself to others and wishing I would be doing more…My doctoral degree impacted my social structures, mental wellbeing, and physical body.” She became unwell, with physical and mental ailments to the point where she became, or believed she was, the negative stereotype of women of color in doctoral programs. “Within my graduate program, my work was constantly devalued…I inflicted so much pain on my body as I tried to navigate my doctoral program…I

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developed carpal tunnel on my wrist. My vision was also affected, and I developed back problems from sitting for long hours…On three occasions, my back gave out I could not get out of bed. I cried so many times out of frustrations. A lot of time I wanted to quit because I could no longer take the physical pain I was undergoing.” Although she completed her dissertation and became a doctora, her experiences, in large part the consequence of expectations set for her by others, were a form of trauma. “I feel anger that I put my body through flames. Academia can be more empathetic. Sadly, not for people of color. My mental and physical challenges are proofs of it.” Identity theory (Burke & Stets, 2009) explains Evelyn’s experiences as non-verification of her identity as a graduate student. The role standards for the PhD student—intellectually competent, strong work ethic, high levels of self-esteem because of ability, resilient—did not fit how others saw Evelyn and ultimately how she understood herself. Although she was playing the role of a doctoral student, her identity developed into a suffering, flailing, and unaccomplished person within the graduate program. Hector is a Master’s student in Public Policy at the University of Michigan. Although not an undocumented immigrant, he faced anti-­ immigrant hostility and anti-immigrant state law’s consequences of discrimination against Latinx populations. “I attended public schools in Chandler, AZ.  I came of age during SB1070-era Arizona when sheriff deputies in Maricopa County racially profiled Latinos for blaring corridos [popular music] from their car radios. Growing up in an environment that was hostile to my immigrant family members always caused fear and uncertainty.” His identity as an unwelcomed person in the U.S. was foisted upon him by others, including the State. Yet, this identity led to Hector’s development of a self-projected identity: as a student of public policy, as a political activist, and as a leader for other Latinx people. “The fear and injustice that I experienced early in my life led to my involvement with political campaigns. I started organizing people in my community to push back against the oppressive laws in my home state. This injustice led me to study public policy in college.” A critical race theory perspective points to the dehumanizing experiences of graduate students of color and reflects the ways in which others view graduate students of color (Gildersleeve et al., 2011). Critical race theory (CRT) acknowledges the prevalence and permanence of race, which is usually by skin color in the U.S., and for this analysis in U.S. education generally (Ladson-Billings & Tate, 1995) and higher education

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specifically (Delgado & Stefancic, 2001). As a lens for analysis, CRT can explain that others’ behaviors toward people of color result in the internalization of negative connotations of the self, and lead, for example, to stereotype threat (Steele & Aronson, 1995). Stereotype threat suggests that individuals or groups can internalize negative characteristics of group stereotypes, and ultimately perform or behave according to these stereotypes. These negative connotations of the self occur through the socialization process (Gildersleeve et al., 2011). Isabella is a doctoral student in School Psychology who categorizes herself as bi-racial and bi-ethnic, with a Black father and Latinx mother. She experienced conflicting values within her home and forms of discrimination during her educational journey. “One of the greatest challenges in my life has been navigating my biracial and bi-ethnic identity in a country that supports White Supremacy. My parents sometimes had different values, which proved to be challenging. On top of the conflicting values within my home, the microaggressions and barriers that I experienced navigating the education system and within my family were challenging. Another prevalent challenge in my life has been overcoming generational racial and domestic violence trauma.” In her pursuit of higher education, she was confronted with racial or ethnic stereotypes. “Some of my saddest moments in my career have been experiencing passive-aggressive forms of discrimination and microaggressions. For example, I have been mistaken for a cleaning lady. In the classroom, my research agenda taken as being biased or non-empirical enough. I get accused of being angry all the time for being too passionate about issues of equity. The more I think about it, it is challenging to be a Black woman in academia.” In order for her to reject these stereotypes, for her to vanquish negative images of herself from others, she finds others who reflect a positive image. Her self-image, how she sees herself, is connected to the ways in which others see her. “I have to find my network outside of my department/university. At conferences, I make an effort to meet one or two people who I can build community with. This has been my way of thriving in spaces where I often feel alone and vulnerable because I do not feel fully accepted and incorporated into university life… Sometimes just having a space where I can see other people who look like me (even if they are undergraduates) is empowering.” The scholarly literature presents graduate students of color (Gay, 2004) as marginalized, located on the periphery of their graduate program, and whether or not this is a consequence of how others see them or how these students see themselves as a result of how others see them, or both, may

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be contingent upon the larger social structure, the university for example, or the more immediate social structure, the graduate program, that contextualizes graduate student experiences. This is the case for graduate students of color and for first-generation graduate students. Intersectionality theory and related concepts, in the case of these first-­ generation graduate students, might be a more appropriate way to explain conditions and experiences for a social group that possesses not only racial, ethnic, gender, sexual orientation, and class identities that are in part subject to power relations in different ways but also categorized as at-risk in education because of their immigrant or generational status (Phoenix & Pattynama, 2006). Each identity category carries with it an association with negative experiences for individuals within that category, but the categories are dissimilar in their effects upon individuals. Although discrimination occurs in U.S. society based separately upon race or gender or social class or sexual orientation or ability/disability, discrimination does not affect all people within one category in the same way. In the case of law, only one category serves to highlight discrimination. As Kimberly Crenshaw (1989) notes, sex discrimination was commonly applied to White women, and race discrimination applied to Blacks. Intersectionality theory suggests that discrimination is more complex than actions against people based upon one characteristic or category. Various forms of inequality operate simultaneously and interact (Crenshaw, 1991). Norma is a PhD student in Ethnic Studies, the daughter of immigrant parents, who themselves were deported from the U.S. when Norma was 16. “On May 9th, 2012, a day before Mother’s Day, seven Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers surrounded my South Los Angeles home. My parent’s faces full of tears as a car door closed them off from my brother and I, from their small business, and from a country they called home for 22 years. This is the last memory I have of them in the U.S. My parents were deported that same day, and my life as I knew it had ceased to exist.” As a teenager, as a child of immigrant parents who were deported during her teenage years, as a Mexican or Chicana American, as a young woman who lived in poverty, Norma was affected by the loss of her parents and faced a society hostile to her background, at times to her gender, and socially foreign to her as a child of immigrants. “Despite my efforts to normalize my life with quotidian rituals, my depression was relentless. It thrived on confusion, abandonment, and the lack of resources that resulted in self-doubt and loathing. It took me three years to recognize that when that car door closed and took my parents away, my sense of identity and

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security left right along with it. The disconnect from whom I was before to who I was after the deportation was the one change I could not seem to accept. I was riddled with emotional pain and psychological trauma that was magnified by a lack of familial support, the loss of my childhood home, financial struggles, food insecurity but more overtly, the lack of understanding about my situation that was pervasive everywhere.” These conditions and what they reflected on Norma as what she was as a person—abandoned and poor, particularly the result of what others determined who she was—reduced her self-confidence and self-worth. Yet, these negative experiences provided her with the motivation to assert an identity different from that imposed upon her by others. “My progression took on the form of identity reaffirmation as a strong Chicana woman, one whose existence was no longer valid upon its relation to deported parents.” As an adult and as a graduate student, she turns her experiences and trauma into a career path, one that includes the past category of her identity as an abandoned child. “Deportation of a close family member should not be a factor in determining success rates. Today, I am still learning to live a life without them. That closed car door taught me how to be resilient. I want to create an innovative interdisciplinary approach for citizen children suffering the effects of deportation that will comfortably and effectively fit within the realms of immigrant discourse and civil rights issues.” Memo is a PhD student in Education at a public research university. His pathway was formed by his athletic ability. “My education pathway towards graduate school was largely due to athletics.” Yet, graduate school was foreign to him. “As a first-generation low-income scholar raised in a Spanish-speaking household, I did not know anything about applying towards graduate school, until I was lucky enough to have a meeting with my academic advisor my last year of my undergraduate career.” This advisor viewed Memo as not only athletically able but also academically capable. “I had just walked on to the soccer team at my institution, and I wanted to continue playing soccer and my plan was to see if I can stay another year as an undergraduate to finish a third major. My advisor told me, ‘Why are you going to do that? You have good grades and have worked with professors and educational outreach organization. You really need to think about graduate school.’ She sent me links and websites about the different programs my institution offered and the ones that I might be interested in. I was very fortunate to apply to three different

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programs for my Master’s and got accepted into all of them.” In this case, Memo’s advisor had influence enough for Memo to accept her view. In spite of Xavi’s challenges with the university, both as an undergraduate and graduate student, the views of her abilities and promises by others propelled her on her pathway to and through graduate school. Xavi is a Master’s student in Education at a public university. Confidence in her abilities and the promise for her future began with her mother. “Education was heavily stressed by my mom, since as a single mother, she knew education was one of the best keys she could provide in order for me to pursue a path that will give me a stable future.” Her aunt provided another base for her education. “After completing elementary school in Tijuana, Mexico I was offered the opportunity to continue my education in San Diego as my aunt offered to host me until I finished high school.” In Middle school, she was selected for potential entry to a public university, and in high school, she was selected for another program to ensure a clear path to university or college. “I was on a program that put me on track to attend SDSU [San Diego State University] due to my good grades. The program was called Compact for Success and offered all San Diego residents automatic acceptance to SDSU to all students who completed the AG requirements and had a 3.0 GPA or higher. Every several months a SDSU counselor/representative would meet with me and go over my progress and the steps needed to be admitted to SDSU…Once in high school, I was recruited for AVID [Advancement Via Individual Determination] and was guided every step of the way to ensure I not only applied for college, but I attended.” First-generation students are advanced in their academic journeys by supportive teachers who see potential in these students and validate their role as learners. Xavi, through her teachers’ acknowledgment of her abilities and their actions to further her academic development, could then understand herself as a capable student, one able to pursue higher education and to advance to graduate school. “I had two teachers who made college possible for me when I started high school. My ESL [English as a second language] teacher referred me to AVID my freshman year and ensured I was on the right track to attend college. She took the entire class to different college campuses and prepared us all for the SAT/ACT everyday to ensure we were prepared. She later went on to become Assistant Principal and continued to help numerous students. My AVID teacher guided me through the entire college process, from taking the right courses, taking the required exams, college applications, scholarship

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applications, financial aid, reviewing our personal statements and even assisting us in deciding what college to accept.” Lulu is a PhD student in School Psychology at a public research university. Others’ negative views of her abilities began in high school. “I think a challenge I experienced specifically in high school and college was dealing with comments that implied that I could not achieve my academic goals. I often perceived that others had inaccurate and biased perceptions of my academic/intellectual ability because I was a Latinx student, and Spanish was my first and primary language.” These views of others no doubt contributed to Lulu’s self-image as both undeserving and unprepared for graduate school. “[D]uring my first year of graduate school, there were times that I felt like I did not belong and that my abilities and qualifications were not enough to succeed in a doctoral program. I found myself working twice as hard as everyone around me and it always felt that my work was not enough. I think it would help if I would see other Latina woman in my program. Sadly, I am the only one. I feel pressured not only to have to explain my story/background to people who might not have grown up in a similar environment as me, but also to perform at highest level possible. For whatever reason, I feel that if I fail, my department will stop admitting Latina students at a doctoral program. So, in addition to struggling with imposter syndrome, I also feel pressure overcome it and be the best student that I can be. The thing with imposter syndrome, however, is that sometimes you can be doing amazing work and you do not see that. I wish people in my program (faculty) would validate me more often. Even my faculty advisor seldom recognizes my work.” Additionally, she suffers from that condition where minoritized populations in majority environments view themselves as representatives of those who share their social identity. She recognizes her confrontation with the imposter syndrome (Clance & Imes, 1978), which initially was attributed to high-­ achieving women in a male-dominated environment, where the individual has self-doubts about their abilities and achievements and have assumed that they have occupied a role in error. In the case of Lulu, she does recognize that others’ views of her are based upon stereotype prejudice, that she is Latinx and a non-native English speaker, and thus not academically capable. Yet, in spite of her rational understanding of others’ misperceptions and prejudices, in graduate school, she falls victim to these same perceptions of others and internalizes them. Thus, she views herself as undeserving for her role as a graduate student.

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Shelly, an international student from China and a PhD student at a public research university developed a student identity based upon the way in which other students in the U.S. viewed and understood her in her Master’s program, primarily as Asian. This categorization of Shelly as the other had negative connotations. “I was first exposed to the concept of ‘race’ in my Master’s studies because I came from a place where everyone shares the same ethnic background. I almost never had opportunities to interact with people from other countries before my overseas experience. As an international student in a predominantly White campus, I quickly noticed that some domestic students viewed international students negatively, and they distanced themselves from international students by magnifying differences. Because of the vulnerability to microaggression and discrimination due to hostile campus racial climate, most international students, especially Chinese students, grouped themselves together automatically in class and after class. Sadly, many international students were hesitant to challenge their circumstances, environment, and campus climate rather than accepting their marginalized positioning. This experience impacted me in both my identity and future career aspirations. For the first time, I realized I am a person of color in addition to my established identity as an international student at a college campus in the U.S.” Therefore, others, not Shelly, set role standards for and made judgments based upon these standards. She was not simply an international graduate student but a graduate student of color.

The Implied and Named Structures that Define, Constrain, and Enable First-Generation Graduate Students I focus here upon the structures (e.g., social, political, and economic environments, domestic conditions, institutions and organizations, personal networks, and the like) that shape the ways in which these first-generation graduate students define or understand themselves, that constrain their behaviors, and that provide opportunities for these students. Beyond their own control, various social structures affect and shape the behaviors as well as the choices of these first-generation graduate students. Although scholars argue that individuals have some degrees of freedom, or agency, in their choices and behaviors (Archer, 2003), others (Giddens, 1984) suggest that individual behavior is determined by social structures. In the

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view, however, of these first-generation graduate students, although choices are affected by finances, family conditions, social attitudes, institutional arrangements, and other structures, they are autonomous persons. Yet, even based upon their own testimonies, some structures define them, constrain them, and enable them. The constraining or defining structures can impede both the development and progress of graduate students, although at times they can stimulate reactions that motivate students to alter or overcome these structures. For first-generation graduate students, these structures emanate from the institution during these students’ graduate school experiences. Raquel, a Master’s student at a private university, views herself as unequal to her peers, which led to negative emotions and mental health problems. Yet, it is her context, the social structure that affects her. “While at USC, I struggled with the culture of a private institution. I felt intimidated a lot, and a matter of fact, I felt intimidated the entire two years of my program. I felt that I did not belong on campus. Before joining a private school, I felt extremely proud about my credentials as a grad student from a California State University. However, once in graduate school at USC, the same pride turned into a reason of self-doubt. Almost everyone in my program had gone to UCs, Stanford, or out of state schools. Additionally, in walking around the school, I felt intimidated by the amount of wealth around the school. This translated into me dealing with imposter syndrome and mental health challenges. I remember being extremely anxious as I interacted with professors and peers. I feared not being perceived as smart enough. I did not like it when the professors would call on me to contribute to the class…It sucks that private institutions are not made accessible to low-income individuals, and that you will be reminded of your socioeconomic status even after earning a degree from a prestigious institution like USC.” Here, again, is reference to the imposter syndrome. Although all students can encounter this syndrome, it is more common among students of color, those who are under financial stress, and those who are first-generation students. These feelings are associated with unhealthy psychological well-being, anxiety, and depression (Bravata et al., 2020). Eduardo is a Master’s student in Education at a Midwestern university. His social identity as a Latino proved to be a severe constraint upon his experiences, and these constraints included his university’s lack of awareness of and insensitivity towards his and his peers’ situations. Yet, his Latino and first-generation college student background proved to be

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limiting in the context of a social structure, the university, and its faculty, that marginalized and ignored those who did not match the dominant social identity of students. “My experience in graduate school was a little challenging. I used to get home sick a lot. The weather in Michigan is much more different than the weather in California. It was cold. My parents are undocumented so they could not travel to go see me. Also, the [lack of a] Latino community in Michigan (inside the university was really small). A lot of time I felt isolated. I felt that my professors did not try to validate my experiences. For example, whenever I would share my experiences in the educational system with inequity, I would get pushback and was told to speak based on the literature. This was disheartening. As I got to know Latino PhD students of color, I also witness how the university was failing them. Their relations with their advisors were poor, and they struggled to meet basic needs. For example, one of my best friends became homeless during their PhD program. Their advisor continued to assign them tons of work. One day, during one of our research meetings, my friend was asked why he was carrying so many things. He could not tell his advisor that he was homeless. When I asked him, he said that his relationship with the advisor was not open to enough for him to share his struggles…The more I saw friends struggle with basics needs and struggle to foster relationship with faculty, the more I became convinced that academia was not meant for me. I do not want to continuously struggle to makes ends meet while having the pressure to constantly dedicate my time to research. It is not a fulfilling life for me.” This social structure, generalized by Eduardo as both graduate school and academic life was not compatible with Eduardo’s self-understandings. Here, social identity of graduate students neither matched the social identity of faculty and graduate students nor was accommodated or acknowledged at this Midwestern university. Institutional blindness or institutional illness is an apt concept or metaphor for this condition.1 For Manuel, a doctoral student at the University of Texas, Austin, early experiences with his Oregon community affected his cultural identity. “As 1  Virginia Montero Hernandez (Montero Hernandez, 2022) pointed this out to me in a personal communication, following her reading of a draft of this book. Institutional blindness here indicates that those with a professional role in the education of first-generation graduate students are unable or unwilling to observe and understand the struggles, challenges, and needs of this population. If blindness is replaced by illness, then the metaphor suggests that the responsible parties for first-generation graduate students are afflicted with a condition that is unhealthy for body or mind, or both.

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beautiful as my home state is, growing up in Oregon was detrimental to my identities as a low-income student of color. I attended a small, predominantly white school district where I did not know a word of English. The Latinx population has increased throughout the years, but we were never represented in the school’s administration. The strong anti-­ immigrant sentiment in the community caused me to internalize the racism I encountered, and I struggled embracing my cultura, language, and brown skin.” This form of socialization—to learn to reject a Latinx social identity—was reinforced in his undergraduate experiences. “I enrolled at the University of Oregon–a Predominantly White Institution with more than 25,000 students where only 6% identified as Latina/o/x. I struggled to find a sense of belonging and to navigate campus life. I began to learn about the systemic oppression rooted in colonialism that I had experienced for most of my life.” Yet, his undergraduate experiences led to his development away from negative views of his social identity toward agency, to the extent that the oppressive social structure became an enabling structure. “I began to embrace my identities and became involved on campus as a student leader. It was then that I realized I wanted to help more people from my community enroll in college, so they too could embrace their narratives and identities.” Jazmin is a doctoral student at a public research university. Her graduate student experiences attest to the power of social structure—in this case, the faculty responsible for graduate students who shape and affect graduate student experiences. The treatment of graduate students by faculty described by Jazmin is abusive, dehumanizing, and not in accord with professional conduct. The effects upon Jazmin were not only detrimental to her development as a graduate student but also led to a negative self-­ perception, that she, not the faculty, was to blame for her problems. That is, the structure had defined Jazmin as a graduate student who is without worth. “I had an exploitative advisor who expected my utter most attention to research, twenty hours of research a week, and little room for personal development. As if coming to a new city, to a new campus, learning my coursework requirements and milestones, and learning professors’ expectation of graduate students were not enough. As I rode passenger in my advisors’ car as we went to track down participants from their longitudinal research study, they asked me how my quarter was going. I told them that I felt overwhelmed with the research and my coursework. They said to me, ‘Yea in the lab we all work like slaves and horses.’ It was not until later that I realized the problematic use of her words and how

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undermining, demeaning, and belittling it was for her to refer to her students as slaves or work horses. Additionally, they offered no remedy but rather dismissed my feelings as ‘normal’ and part of the process of adjusting to graduate school. The quarter progressed, and I continued to check in with my advisor. One day as we were on the phone and they were assigning me new research tasks, I broke down crying, telling them I felt overwhelmed with my coursework and research requirements. The advisor said, ‘Students don’t usually break down this early, but every student eventually does.’ They continued, ‘I’m glad you’re telling me that the work is too much because usually I keep giving students work until they break down or feel it’s too much for them to handle.’ How can my advisor be doing this to their students? Eventually, I decided to confront my advisor in the most amicable way possible. My advisor either denied or minimized their remarks and eventually suggested I find a new mentor. I searched a different department for a new advisor and eventually found one who met with me weekly. The new advisor worked closely with me, giving me feedback on some tasks I did for them and discussing with me the implications of the work. Already, I started noticing red flags about my advisor…I ignored these red flags of my new advisor because I was desperate to leave the toxicity of my old department…I eventually realized that I was in a similar predicament. You would think that because I had navigated the situation once before that I would be able to navigate it once more, right? Wrong. This was a whole new person in a totally new department. How could this happen to me again? What’s wrong with me? How do I keep ending up in these situations? As much as I blamed myself, I also blamed the institution for letting these people exist on campus with no accountability...I continuously question my presence on this campus and in this department.” Doctoral students have both positive and negative experiences with their advisors, with the negative experiences correlated with slow progress in the program. Negative experiences are related, generally, to an advisor’s interactions, such as uninterested, or unhelpful, or inaccessible (Barnes et al., 2010). Here, however, the advisors are abusive and lead Jazmin both to question her culpability and her presence in a doctoral program. Although institutional structures can impede students’ progress and educational development in graduate school, prior to graduate school both university and government programs that endeavor to aid students can engender student persistence and specific educational goals, including movement to graduate school. For example, the pathway to graduate

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school for first-generation students is enabled by government programs that target these populations. Although sidelined in high school because of encounters with the criminal justice system, Noelio, a PhD student, is aided by a program in secondary school to complete high school and move on to university. “My postsecondary journey was propelled by the assistance of the Migrant Education program [National program for children of migrant parents]. As a high school junior, I was hesitant about applying to college while retaking three years’ worth of missing credit to graduate. Beyond high school, I originally planned to either join the military or work alongside my dad as a mechanic. Through the help of Migrant Ed, I enrolled year-round in numerous online classes to recuperate credits. Moreover, they guided me through the Cal State admission process, as well as applying for FAFSA. Their assistance was instrumental in getting me admitted to Cal State San Marcos through special admission.” College access programs and Teach California (California Department of Education, Special Education Division, n.d.) are two interventions for students in California that promote college and university education. College access programs include federal Trio programs (U.S. Department of Education, n.d.), and Teach California is a California teacher recruitment program offered at community colleges, private colleges and universities, and the two public university systems—California State University and the University of California. Teach California is a product of the California State government, California Department of Education. Both programs, College access and Teach California, supported and guided Elvira on her pathway to a Master’s in Higher Education Policy and Administration. In high school, she accessed programs that supported a path to university. “In high school, I became determined to join every college access program that would allow me to participate. These programs varied in their missions and activities. Each program provided their own personal narrative on which higher education institution would benefit me the most and which would be the perfect fit for me.” In university, Elvira encountered the Cal Teach program (Teach California), a California university initiative to prepare future teachers. At UC Berkeley, where Elvira was a student, Cal Teach is a program for STEM [Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics] students who are headed for a career in education. “I decided to pursue a cognitive science major. The field of cognitive science was interdisciplinary, and it allowed me to explore the field of education through elective courses which was another area of interest to me. These elective courses introduced me to the Cal Teach

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program. I decided to take as many courses as I could from the Cal Teach program. This program required that I take part in field work research in high schools, middle schools, and elementary schools across the Bay Area. These experiences further ignited my interest in the field of education, but they left me wondering how high schools could support students of color in their transition to higher education.” At times, structures, or aspects of them, constrain behavior, including self-perceptions, and at times they enable behaviors, including self-­ perceptions. Cruz, a woman of color and PhD student in a public research university, experienced both constraining and enabling conditions within the same organization, her PhD program. In her first year of her program, she viewed herself as an outsider, in large part because that environment was neither inclusive nor validating. “My journey in a doctoral program has been challenging. I moved across the country to pursue a doctoral program, which was the first time I ever left home and my parents. During my first year, I was accused of gossiping with other women of color doctoral students and bullying a white student. I experienced loss in my family and couldn’t travel 2,000 miles back home to comfort my family. I couldn’t go to a coffee shop or grocery store without having White folks say something racist or ignorant to me or my friends. I felt like every single day there was another event impacting my ability to just exist as a student. There were so many times I wanted to quit because I felt like I did not belong. I was questioning my very decision to be in this program, and I was regretting moving and being far away from my family. I felt miserable and so alone.” Yet, that very same program included two sources of support and validation: student peers and a graduate advisor. “Fortunately, I had support from the beautiful women of color in my program, who wiped my tears and supported me when I needed it most. And I also had support from my faculty advisor, who supported me more than I could ever ask for from a graduate advisor.” Cruz’s graduate advisor, unlike Eduardo’s, was not detached, unlike Lulu’s gave validation, and unlike Jazmin’s was not self-serving or exploitative. “His support made me feel like I belonged. He was interested in my personal well-being over anything academic related. He viewed me as a person first.” By her second year of her graduate program, Cruz not only rose above her initial environment but also replaced the negative aspects of that environment with self-affirming ones. “I have formed a community who validates and empowers one another. I have had the ability to work and attend school from home with my family and surround myself with love and care,

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especially during COVID-19.” Furthermore, Cruz has turned her unhealthy experiences and self-isolation in graduate school to both self-­ affirming conditions and knowledge producing both academically and personally. She has learned already that graduate students require validation, that some individuals and groups are overlooked and are not just marginalized but nullified, and she established a long-term role for herself. “This past year has opened my eyes to the importance of love and self-care in the toxic environment that constitutes academia. I don’t know what my future will look like at the end of this doctoral program or even as I begin planning my future career. All I know is that I want to continue to offer forms of support to folks. I want to create empowering spaces of validation and care to folks who are often left out of conversations and ignored. I still hope to continue to learn one new thing every day to reach these goals.” Pablo is a Master’s student in Counseling at a private research university. His childhood and young adult environment in Los Angeles shaped his early university experiences. His abilities, however, enabled him to overcome his disadvantages. “South Gate is a predominantly Latinx community in the South-East of Los Angeles area, nearest to Watts, Huntington Park, Lynwood, and Downey. Many who graduated with me were not prepared for college, or even the thought of graduate school. Thus, before even understanding that there was college after college, I was already at a disadvantage…I was one of the ‘lucky’ ones and was tapped to be in all the AP and Honors classes, which, constituted the same people year after year.” Yet, even with this advantage, he faced negative perceptions of his opportunities. “Being in this group, I was labeled ‘college-going’ and was given more time with my counselor and college counselor—both of which didn’t seem to have high hopes of my college choices.” Again, he overcame structures that impeded his development, and accepted responsibility for his own future. “This lack of care led me to want to take matters into my own hands and apply as a Peer Counselor my final year of high school. I found my passion: Counseling. I enjoyed helping my peers see higher education as possibility, despite being told otherwise. To be honest, it fuels me to this day.” Although Pablo’s disadvantages—lack of knowledge of university expectations and his early post-baccalaureate experiences of unemployment—led him back to negative self-perceptions and loss of direction for his career in Counseling, he persevered and found employment that matched his interests. This led him to graduate school and resulted in his renewed sense of self-efficacy and self-worth. “[M]y

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goal of being a counselor was happening and my drive was stronger than ever.” Fernando is a Law student at a private university, and the context of his childhood and family background gave rise to his pursuit of further education. The social structure that could have inhibited his development and opportunities for personal and economic well-being served as an impetus for his commitment to serve the least advantaged. “I am the son of two Salvadoran immigrants who came to the U.S. as teenagers with nothing but an elementary school education. I have grown up in a low-income household, where I have seen how my community has had disruptive events that stem from poverty, such as gangs and violent crimes. Despite it all, I always push myself against all barriers because I am focused on the bigger picture of helping others. I know that those issues can be alleviated through legal representation and laws that are representative of our society’s needs; for these reasons, I seek to become a lawyer and eventually a politician who will be properly equipped to address people’s needs.” His background enables him to understand the plight of the disadvantaged. “Coming from a disadvantaged background myself, I understand the importance of connecting with someone who has a similar upbringing…I want and need to be the person who fights for underserved populations; it is personal to me, so I will do everything in my capacity to ensure I succeed.” Social and economic conditions in family life shape later personal development, but as well these conditions limit or constrain opportunities for childhood and adult development. Paulina is a Master’s student in Education at a private research university. Her early years in her community and in school impressed upon her the potential restrictions for her journey to graduate school. “As a first-generation Latina college student coming from a largely rural and agricultural community, access to higher education has often felt minimal or nonexistent.” The education system itself provided her with evidence of disadvantage. “Growing up as the fifth child in a family of seven, I was able to witness firsthand in my own home how the educational system functions to maintain a system of inequality and privilege. While my brothers and I started our education on similar paths, our trajectories diverged as a result of differential treatment in school.” She and her family encountered severe difficulties. “During our last two years of high school, my family not only lost our home and had to live in a hotel for a few months, but, shortly after, we lost our father to cancer.” And, in addition to these hurdles, she was not supported well in

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her high school. “While applying to a four-year university was a difficult process partly due to these challenges, in addition, I also had to experience the inadequate professional academic guidance and advising offered in my high school.” For Shelly, an international student discussed above, the context for U.S. higher education for international students offers numerous difficulties, and shapes student experiences in ways quite different from the experiences of domestic students. “After I earned my Master’s degree in comparative and international education in the States, I became a practitioner in the field of international higher education. I have primarily worked as a staff member with international students and students who are going to study abroad in both China and the U.S. These experiences further provide me with an understanding of the academic, social, and cultural challenges that international students face throughout their adjustment to the host culture and environment, such as language barriers, incomplete knowledge of the educational system, as well as learning new teaching methods and college culture. These issues made me think about how universities can respond to students’ academic and social needs, and address justice requests from all students.” As Shelly notes, however, these same structures of U.S. universities are hurdles for a large population of domestic students: those whose first language is not English, those unfamiliar with educational systems, and those who are first in their family to attend college.

The Effects of Personal Heredity and History on First-Generation Graduate Students’ Experiences I focus here upon the social identity of these students, in that mixture of their self-proclaimed ethnicity and their life’s experiences that together project who they appear to be to others. In a sense, this is similar to Erving Goffman’s (1959) presentation of self in everyday life. Personal heredity here refers to family inherited biological characteristics, a genetic disposition, both genotype and phenotype. In the case of these students, heredity can refer to their skin color and to their inherited abilities, such as a particular form of intelligence or mental and physical talent, such as musicality or voice and body physical attributes (height, bone structure). The legacy of history on different groups is evident in these students’ narratives, and this includes both U.S. born and immigrant students. This

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history includes how these students and their families have been treated in the past and the past experiences of their families. As outsiders to the dominant social or political culture of a nation, minoritized populations, such as Latinx, Native American, African American, Asian American, and Pacific Island ethnic groups, particularly social identity populations such as people with disabilities, LBGTQ+ groups, homeless populations, incarcerated or formerly incarcerated people, and people who live in poverty, are treated, potentially, as others, as different, which results in inequality and marginalization (Powell & Menendian, 2017). Because of their category—as members of a specific group—they are treated unequally compared to those in groups with social acceptance or power (Massey, 2007). Furthermore, this othering, and the treatment that ensues because of differences, can shape individuals’ identity, their self-understandings, and their self-images. For immigrants as well as those in a country where they are not part of the dominant social group or privileged groups, there can be both an attraction and repulsion element in their social integration, in the experiences of immigrant families in their adopted country. The push-pull phenomenon that applies to patterns of immigration and explains why people migrate (Lee, 1966) can be applied as well to the attraction and repulsion of individuals to social cultures, in this case to the U.S., and more specifically to educational institutions, particularly to values of a dominant culture. The musical, West Side Story, provides an apt illustration, as U.S. residents from Puerto Rico take two different positions on living in the U.S. Here, the lyrics express this push and pull or attraction and repulsion view. Anita Puerto Rico, My heart's devotion— Let it sink back in the ocean. Always the hurricanes blowing, Always the population growing, And the money owing, And the sunlight streaming, And the natives steaming. I like the island Manhattan— Smoke on your pipe and put that in! Girls (chorus) I like to be in America, O.K. by me in America,

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Everything free in America— Bernardo For a small fee in America. Anita Buying on credit is so nice. Bernardo One look at us and they charge twice. Rosalia I'll have my own washing machine. Juano What will you have, though, to keep clean? Anita Skyscrapers bloom in America. Another girl Cadillacs zoom in America. Another girl Industry boom in America. Boys Twelve in a room in America. Anita Lots of new housing with more space. Bernardo Lots of doors slamming in our face. (Bernstein & Sondheim, 1956/1961)

On the one hand, the U.S. (America) is portrayed as a paradise, particularly in comparison to Puerto Rico, which is expressed as an uncomfortable environment, fit only for memory. On the other hand, America is viewed as not only costly (and materially focused) but also as discriminatory. Here, then, are push factors—Puerto Rico as a negative place—and pull factors—America as a place of luxury. As well, there are push factors that work in reverse—to suggest that America is the negative environment and that such push factors as costs and discrimination are not present in Puerto Rico. Similarly, pull and push factors influence immigrants and immigrant families, including first-generation citizens or students, to embrace or to reject cultural and values. Furthermore, this push-pull phenomenon likely

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pertains to minoritized or marginalized populations. Romeo, a Master’s student in higher education administration and policy at a public California research university, describes both the push factors for his father, who emigrated from Romania, and the pull factors, a better life for his children in the U.S. “My father was not born in the United States; he is from Romania. He grew up in a time when Romania was a very poor country. It was a harsh time, there were food shortages, gas was rationed, and opportunities were scarce. In that time, Romania was also a communist country; there was religious persecution and the secret police dealt harshly with anybody who was seen as a political dissident. My father dreamt of freedom; he wanted to provide a better life for his wife and children. He would tell my mother that one day he would escape and go on to build a better life for both of them. That day eventually came; he and a group of friends decided to defect from Romania. They left under the cover of darkness, crawling through forests in order to avoid detection. Their goal was to make it over the border, which was a risk because, if they were caught, they could be imprisoned or even shot and killed; to them the risk was worth it. They made it over the border and spent the next few months in a refugee camp from where they were eventually granted entry into the United States. All my respect goes to my father for what he did, the risk he took so I could be here today in this country is something that I could never repay…He left everything behind so his children could have a chance for a better life.” That better life included higher education for Romeo, who as a graduate student fulfilled his father’s goal. Oscar is a PhD student in Higher Education at the University of Texas, Austin. His early experiences in the U.S. are structured by his heredity as a Mexican-American and by his family history as immigrant people of color. These experiences serve as negative influences on Oscar’s development and limited his opportunities and served to negate his self-esteem. “I was a young Mexican-American boy living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my large family in Los Angeles. The nation had a hostile political climate toward Hispanics, especially those undocumented. At the time, my parents held unstable employment and financially struggled to provide us with adequate clothing and school supplies. It impacted my K-12 schooling experience, as teachers and peers belittled me for not speaking proper English and living in poverty. Eventually, we were evicted from our home and forced to find another apartment, which led us toward Inglewood. In both cities, I still encountered systemic racism and educational inequalities. I had imagined my life opportunities to be limited and stagnated.”

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Yet, these same experiences and the negative emotions they engendered pushed Oscar in his young adult development. These experiences, structured by his Mexican-American social identity and his family’s history, shaped his path to graduate school and his choices within graduate school. “I made it a constant goal of mine to hustle—network with professors, try to do research, get internships, and work so I can pay my bills. So, at UT Austin, I worked as a site coordinator for Project MALES (Mentoring to Achieve Latino Educational Success) to mentor promising African American and Latino male middle school and high school students. Then, as the program coordinator for the College Assistance Migrant Program (CAMP) at St. Edward’s University, I taught a year-­long writing course and coordinated a mentoring program for undergraduate migrant students. These programs reaffirmed the importance of advocating and creating safe spaces for students of color in higher education institutions who may feel unheard, unsupported, and invalidated. Working in these programs also reaffirmed my need to earn an advanced degree. I wanted to participate in the decision-making process for the university, but a lot of times because I did not have a PhD, I was an in-­progress master’s student, my opinions were not taken seriously.” Emilia, a Master’s student at a public state university in California, is an undocumented resident of the U.S., which in itself has consequences for her and her family. Moreover, her identity as LGBTQ not only affected her relationship with her parents (“Another challenge I've faced during grad school is coming out to my parents last year, and it has definitely had a huge impact on our relationship”) but also propelled her into a clinical counseling career. “I want to spend some time working in the school setting but also eventually want to pursue the clinical setting. Mental health has always been important to me and although we have made progress, it is still so stigmatized in my culture. I am also contemplating applying to out of state positions: My ideal first counseling position would be working with high school students in underrepresented communities and being able to work with undocumented students. I also want to become more knowledgeable in working with LGBTQ youth, so that I can better serve any students I work with.”

The Framework of Analysis and What It Shows The four categories for the analysis of graduate students’ narratives—their pathways to graduate school and their experiences in graduate school— included the following:

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1. The ways in which the first-generation graduate students see and understand themselves 2. First-generation graduate students’ perceptions of the ways in which others see them 3. The implied and named structures that define, constrain, and enable first-generation graduate students 4. The effects of personal heredity and history on first-generation graduate students’ experiences The use of this entire framework—all four categories—for one student offers a more comprehensive portrayal of a single student’s experiences than the use of parts of the framework for individual students and then an amalgamation of these parts. Here, I take Carlos’ narrative and subject it to this framework and all four categories. Carlos is a PhD student at a public research university in California, who although an immigrant to the U.S. as a teenager and with Spanish as his native language, views himself until his doctoral program as a capable student in high school and in both undergraduate and master’s degree studies. Not until he arrived at the PhD level did he begin to doubt his abilities and question his capability to do well in university or academic studies and indeed to persist to the completion of his doctoral degree. He relied in his pre-graduate school years on the support and guidance of his mother and on a mentor, Dr. T., who guided him and affirmed his identity as a capable academic student. He gained the respect of his high school teachers and was a high-achieving student, which further validated his efforts and his identity as a capable student. Indeed, throughout undergraduate and master’s degree programs, Carlos’s identity as an excellent student was verified. University structures provided an opportunity for Carlos to excel, and the continuing mentorship from Dr. T. further validated Carlos’ pathway to graduate school and eventually to a PhD program. His background as an immigrant and as a non-native English speaker prior to his PhD program did not curtail his advancement or limit his role as an academic student. Limited finances did curtail his movement through his master’s degree program, as paid employment was necessary, and as well forced him to be a part-time graduate student. This status as part-time did affect relationships with other graduate students who were full-time. Yet, his employment relieved him from debt, which can affect future graduate work and life after university.

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The very same structures—the university—that verified his identity as a capable student in his bachelor’s and master’s degree programs at the doctoral level undermined this identity. Carlos began to doubt his abilities and experienced isolation from both peers and his university. Poor grades in course assignments resulted in negative emotions, and these led him to consider withdrawal from the program. These structures and resultant negative emotions were mitigated by a supportive and understanding advisor, who viewed Carlos as capable. Carlos not only learned from this advisor how to improve in his academic work but also regained his identity as a capable academic student. He began to view himself as his advisor viewed him. He learned as well from other doctoral students that his situation was a common one, and in these interactions, he developed an affinity identity (Gee, 2000-1), an association with others who shared his experiences, interests, and values. In this affinity identity, he reinforced his academic identity as a capable doctoral student. Yet, even at the stage of the doctoral program where Carlos had overcome self-doubt, loneliness, and academic setbacks, once he began his dissertation, these self-doubts returned and threatened his academic identity. In part, this resulted from his origins, in El Salvador, as a native Spanish speaker and an immigrant to the U.S., and possibly a result as well of the affirmation of others during his previous high school and college studies, which included, by implication at least, his English language abilities. On the one hand, Carlos faced his identity as a non-native English speaker whose prowess in academic writing was not what he thought others reinforced, or at least not indicated to him that his writing needed attention. His financial situation required him to seek employment and thus a necessary reason to push his dissertation to the side. Furthermore, his grandmother who was in poor health obligated him to accentuate his role as grandson and devote less time to the dissertation. In both cases, he found a strategy to take the pressure off himself as a capable academic who struggled with academic writing in English. Carlos’ motivation to do well, to live up to the expectations of others, including his family and his grandmother, and especially his mentor, Dr. T., will likely lead him to complete his dissertation. In this process, he has learned that he needs others to become an academic and to complete the doctoral degree. Carlos has explained his journey to graduate school and his experiences in graduate school through his self-understandings, through the consideration and sometimes integration and acceptance of others’ perceptions of

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him, through the opportunities that educational structures have afforded him, and through his acknowledgment of his inherited abilities, his family background, and his native language limitations in an English language communication environment. His status and indeed the attributed label of first-generation graduate student does little to explain his journey to or experiences in graduate school. In Carlos’ case, more important than his first-generation graduate student characteristics in his doctoral program are his motivations to live up to the expectations of others, to be able to draw upon the support of others, such as his PhD advisor, his mentor Dr. T., and his peers, and to overcome the challenges of a non-native English language speaker, particularly in the writing of a doctoral dissertation. Although his first-generation status and the attendant characteristics associated with this status (i.e., first in the family to attend college or university, and then, potentially, without knowledge of academic behaviors and expectations and without clear pathways to and through higher education, including social connections to university behaviors and processes) have historical salience for Carlos, by the time he is in a doctoral program these characteristics are no longer significant.

Conclusions The pathways to graduate school as well as graduate school experiences of these first-generation graduate students are varied, contingent upon their family background, their inherited characteristics, including their native language, the structures they encounter, the judgments of others, and self-­ judgments. Furthermore, their behaviors—what they do—and actions— the results of these behaviors—can be expected, reasonably, to be affected, outside of their educational experiences, by circumstances and conditions beyond their control. These include personal and family or friend illness, although these students do not talk about illness (with the exception of mental health), family deaths (which again these students do not discuss), and family or personal financial hardship, which is evident in many of these students’ narratives, accidents, and encounters with criminal activity (which again these students do not discuss). Few of these students, indeed none overtly, however, refer to their life’s dire circumstances, such as others’ malicious behaviors towards them, their families’ poverty, illness, or death, and personal serious accident, as responsible for either their lack of educational accomplishment or attainment.

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What is evident in the narratives or testimonies is what these first-­ generation graduate students find and embrace as replacements for what is usually associated with first-generation students. Where there is lack of familiarity with higher education, several of these students find or are found by teachers, counselors, mentors, and institutional programs prior to their postsecondary experiences. Where first-generation students, generally, are lost or without direction in their undergraduate programs, and this is the case for several of these students in Chaps. 2 and 3, many of these first-generation students locate or are located by counselors, mentors, peers, faculty, and institutional programs that assist in their undergraduate attainment and open a pathway to graduate school. As well, these first-generation graduate students completed their baccalaureate degrees, whereas the figure for all first-generation students is 56% attained a bachelor’s degree or were enrolled in a baccalaureate program after 6 years (Cataldi, et al., 2018), and all of these students enrolled in a graduate or post-baccalaureate program, such as Law or Medicine. This figure compares with 33% of all first-generation students nationally who enrolled in a Master’s, doctoral, or professional degree program after the completion of a bachelor’s degree (Cataldi, et al., 2018). The next and final chapter will address what holds the university together as an institution and how the university’s traditions and logics affect graduate education. As well, the chapter explains the ways in which graduate students experience graduate school, with attention as well to first-generation graduate students. The chapter addresses changes in graduate programs to accommodate first-generation graduate students, changes that can as well aid all graduate students.

References Ball, S.  J. (2012). Global education inc.: New policy networks and the neo-liberal imaginary. Routledge. Barnes, B. J., Williams, E. A., & Archer, S. A. (2010). Characteristics that matter most: Doctoral students’ perceptions of positive and negative advisor attributes. NACADA Journal, 30(1), 34–46. Bernstein, L., & Sondheim, S. (1956). America. Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC.. Bravata, D.  M., Madhusudhan, D.  K., Boroff, M., & Cokley, K.  O. (2020). Commentary: Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of imposter syndrome: A systematic review. J Ment Health Clin Psychol, 4(3), 12–16.

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Burke, P. J., & Stets, J. E. (2009). Identity theory. Oxford University Press. California Department of Education, Special Education Division. (n.d.). Teach California. teachcalifornia.org. Accessed June 26, 2022. Campbell, J., & Pedersen, O. (2001). Introduction: The rise of neoliberalism and institutional analysis. In J. Campbell & O. Pedersen (Eds.), The rise of neoliberalism and institutional analysis (pp. 2–23). Princeton University Press. Cataldi, E.  F., Bennett, C.  T., Chen, X., & RTI International. (2018). First-­ generation students: College access, persistence, and postbachelor’s outcomes. Stats in brief. U. S. Department of Education, NCES 2018-421, February. Chomsky, N. (1999). Profit over people: Neoliberalism and global order. Seven Stories Press. Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 15(3), 241–247. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0086006 Crenshaw, K. (1989). Demarginalizing the intersection of race and sex: A black feminist critique of antidiscrimination doctrine, feminist theory and antiracist politics. University of Chicago LegalForum, 1, 8. Available at: http://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/uclf/vol1989/iss1/8 Crenshaw, K. (1991). Mapping the margins: Intersectionality, identity politics, and violence against women of color. Stanford Law Review, 43(6), 1241–1299. Crouch, C. (2011). The strange non-death of neoliberalism. Polity Press. Delgado, R., & Stefancic, J. (2001). Critical race theory: An introduction. New York University Press. Gane, N. (2012). The governmentalities of neoliberalism: Panopticism, post-­ panopticism and beyond. The Sociological Review, 60, 611–634. Gay, G. (2004). Navigating marginality en route to the professoriate: Graduate students of color learning and living in academia. International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 17(2), 265–288. Gee, J.  P. (2000-2001). Identity as an analytical lens for research in education. Review of Research in Education, 25, 99-125. Giddens, A. (1984). The constitution of society. Outline of the theory of structuration. Polity Press. Gildersleeve, R. E., Croom, N. N., & Vasquez, P. L. (2011). “Am I going crazy?!”: A critical race analysis of doctoral education. Equity & Excellence in Education, 44(1), 93–114. https://doi.org/10.1080/10665684.2011.539472 Goffman, E. (1959). The presentation of self in everyday life. Doubleday. Harvey, D. (2005). A brief history of neoliberalism. Oxford University Press. Ladson-Billings, G., & Tate, W. F. (1995). Toward a critical race theory of education. Teachers College Record, 97(1), 47–68. Lee, E. (1966). A theory of migration. Demography, 3(1), 47–57. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/2060063 Lewin, K. (1935). A dynamic theory of personality. McGraw-Hill.

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CHAPTER 5

Conclusions: The Larger Story of the University and Its Students

As both scholar and researcher of higher education, as well as a practitioner in higher education institutions as both faculty and administrator, I have been drawn to inconsistencies in values, as well as practices, and to inequities within higher education. These included academic values in conflict with economic values, practices that were purported to be for student welfare but were detrimental to student well-being, and treatment of employees, for example support staff, as appendages to the academic enterprise.1 In my early period as a doctoral student, I questioned decision-­ making authority within universities and colleges, and I asked, “Who has the legal and legitimate authority to make decisions?” Such a question led me down the path of decision-making and authority in colleges and universities and toward the actual practice of decision-making, which in my early research publications, including my doctoral dissertation, focused upon the political and personal dimensions of institutional actions. My reflections upon practice, both in my administrative capacity as well as in my role as scholar, indicated that formal and legal authority was vested in what Henry Mintzberg (1983) termed the strategic apex of organizations.  Here, I think, as well, of corrupt and unethical practices of faculty and administrators, and in some cases actions that are ignorant of student, or staff, or faculty, or university well-being. A few cases, for example, include the Penn State University’s Jerry Sandusky case (Tierney & Rall, 2018), the commercialization of higher education (Bok, 2003), and the treatment or exploitation of nontenure track faculty (Levin et al., 2011). 1

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In colleges and universities, this included the chief executive officer (president, or chancellor, or vice-chancellor, or rector, depending upon jurisdiction) and governing board (or government department). However, historical practices and precedents and theories of professionalism (Freidson, 2001) gave what I consider ambivalent authority, traditional authority, to faculty, not individual faculty but a legitimate body of faculty, such as a senate, and in more recent times (post-1960) quasi-legal authority to faculty through a union (Baldridge et  al., 1981; Mortimer & McConnell, 1978; Riley & Baldridge, 1977). Faculty, then, have some legitimate role in institutional decision-making, and with the traditions and institutional logic of academic values, what faculty do and decide, that is, what they rely upon for their actions, have a form of power, and in some cases legal authority. The above is to suggest that there are not only responsibilities for those in the highest positions of authority in universities and colleges to ensure fairness in their institutions and to rid institutions of inequities and categorical discrimination but also responsibilities and obligations for faculty, both individually and collectively, to enact their power in ways that both do no harm and cure unjust conditions, particularly for graduate students because faculty are central to their experiences and treatment. The conditions for first-generation graduate students in their programs, based upon the narratives in Chaps. 2 and 3, require remedies that will facilitate student well-being, peer community attachment, and persistence, and will educate and train students for achievement in graduate school and for employment after graduate school. Here, then, I examine the policies and practices of U.S. higher education, and I discuss these in light of the experiences of first-generation graduate students, although I will refer as well to undergraduate students, international students, students with disabilities, students of color, and minoritized students who are not first-generation. What is central here is the disconnection between the policies and practices of universities in the U.S. and the needs of a large population of students. This final chapter, then, points to needed changes at the structural, policy, and practices level in colleges and universities, particularly in graduate education, that will suit not only first-generation students but also the majority of graduate students. In spite of the reference to needed changes, there are no recommendations per se in this chapter or in this book. Recommendations, in my view, are for practitioners to make after they have digested the discussion and argument of this book.

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Institutional Logics: Forces of Stability and Change As I noted in some detail in Chap. 1, the U.S. university in the contemporary period functions under two dominant institutional logics: academic logic and business or market logic (or, in my view, neoliberal logic). These logics inform and rationalize both university policies and practices, in some cases separately and in some cases in tandem. For example, admission to graduate school is based upon student academic background as well as potential for persistence in graduate school determined by a student’s undergraduate record and letters of recommendation from faculty, or for some universities’ standardized test scores. But, admission is also based upon factors related to a university’s finances, which determine the number of students admitted, and related to status or prestige, which determines both the number of applicants rejected (for selectivity) and the numbers accepted based upon measures of academic quality (such as Graduate Record Examination [GRE] scores and Grade Point Averages [GPA], as well as letters of recommendation). Historically in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, academic logic has served as the dominant institutional logic of the U.S. university, with neoliberal or market logic as a logic in ascendance (Levin et al., 2020).2 There may be other institutional logics at work, and these can be noted in both U.S. universities and at universities internationally. China, for example, in my observations and experiences, clings to a form of Confucian logic and has an academic logic that mirrors that of Western universities (Liu, 2016; Zha & Shen, 2018). U. K. universities have experienced, perhaps for over two decades, a dominant institutional logic termed new managerialism (Deem & Brehony, 2005). In Canada, a logic of Indigenization, tied to de-colonization, has taken hold of numerous behaviors and actions within universities (Stein, 2020). “Higher education has a responsibility to Indigenization, that is, to empower Indigenous self-determination, address decolonization, and reconcile systemic and societal inequalities between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Canadians (Pidgeon, 2016, p. 77). In the U.S., in addition to academic and market 2  Institutions are driven in their behaviors and actions by logics—rationales, goals, and explanations for actions—shaped by and sustained by their sector or field (Thornton et al., 2012). The sectors of the professions, the corporation, the state, the family, religions, and the market are those identified as the major ones in Western countries (Thornton et al., 2005). Education is a broad institutional field, one that spans sectors, and, arguably, the university is an institutional field, a field that spans the globe.

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institutional logics, a third logic has become prevalent, at least since 2015, and referred to as the logic of social inclusion (Brint, 2019). That logic, associated with diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives (DEI), including policies and practices, may have become ascendant and vie for a dominant logic position since 2015, parallel to the Black Lives Matter movement outside the university. Various logics are not uncommon in organizations (Reay & Hinings, 2009), and these logics can exist separately within organizations, can work in tandem, or can be integrated (Thornton et  al., 2012). When logics are in conflict and persist, and they are not integrated or function separately without tension, there is potential for one logic to replace the other, particularly as the dominant organizational logic or as one of the dominant ones. The observation that two logics, what I call academic logic and the logic of inclusion, are in conflict at the University of California to the detriment largely to the academic profession, particularly curtailing academic freedom and a culture of rationalism (Brint & German, 2021), is not unwarranted. The rise of the logic of inclusion, operationalized as DEI in the University of California, becomes noteworthy in 2010, increases in 2015, and is extreme by 2018 (Brint & German, 2021). DEI has become an intrusive mechanism for change in the university, and possibly an antagonistic set of views on academic values, including academic professionalism. However, the testimonies or narratives of the first-generation graduate students in this book do not reflect universities that privilege DEI over academic values. These students’ experiences in universities suggest that academic values and market values, more specifically what I refer to as neoliberal values (Levin et al., 2020), create an environment in graduate programs that is not necessarily compatible with the needs of these graduate students. Academic values privilege traditional intellectual forms of knowledge and methodologies. They rely almost entirely on Western European traditions.3 Neoliberal values reflect quantitative measures of productivity and individual responsibility, and they can be seen to manifest 3  These values and traditions include the centrality of knowledge production and dissemination, and thus the critical role of faculty, peer review of the work of faculty, and the social responsibilities of faculty (Levin et al., 2020). Moreover, these traditions are grounded in practices of critical debate, or argumentation, and skepticism reliant upon the views of Western philosophers as early as Plato and Aristotle, and in epistemologies or ways of knowing reflected in the works of Locke, Berkeley, and Hume (Hundleby, 2011). For university traditions, empiricism equates with scientific knowledge, a systematic approach to explain phenomena.

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themselves in competition between individuals or groups (Levin et  al., 2020). The scholarly literature, particularly on doctoral education, supports this observation (Cassuto, 2015). My recent publication with colleagues Marie Martin and Ariadna López-Damián, which explores the management of the academic profession in U.S. universities and relies upon dozens of interviews with faculty, department chairs, and deans, finds that academic values and academic logic are preeminent shapers of university behaviors, although neoliberal or market values are influential in numerous policies and initiatives. These logics do not function within the university without conflict or tension. Institutional logics—such as academic logic, neoliberal logic, and the logic of inclusion—not only shape and explain institutional behaviors, but also can control conditions of work, and indeed define work itself (Scott, 2014). Although some of the goals of the logic of social inclusion match reform efforts for graduate school (Cassuto, 2015; Cassuto & Weisbuch, 2021), to date there is insufficient justification or promotion in scholarship for the transformation of graduate schools and programs at the cost of loss of academic integrity, or academic freedom, or a culture of rationalism. That is, no scholar argues that traditional academic values, which have been foundational to U.S. universities and colleges, should be replaced, or even modified extensively. In the case of the graduate students in this book, it is more obvious that lack of social inclusion during their pre-­ college and pre-university experiences and as well into their university and graduate school experiences have affected them in deleterious ways. That is, the logic of social inclusion—the values of diversity, inclusion, and equity—has not served these graduate students at the expense of or to replace academic or neoliberal logic. There was no evidence in their testimonies that the academic values of graduate school, including the rigors of academic or empirical research, academic writing, and rational argument, were lessened or ignored in favor of social identity characteristics. These could have included arguments based upon personal, anecdotal experience; written communication that does not adhere to standards of English language composition; and theses or dissertations that avoid scholarship, accepted as an effort to include cultural and social differences and to validate diverse social identities. The logic of social inclusion did not operate within universities as a major institutional logic to overcome institutional blindness or illness in the accommodation of first-generation graduate students.

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What Graduate Students Experience in Graduate School The emphasis in U.S. higher education scholarship on student experiences in graduate school focuses upon social identity, particularly race. This is undoubtedly an outcome of U.S. history and contemporary culture, as well as public focus upon issues of discrimination based upon race (Ladson-­ Billings & Tate, 1995). However, in the literature that does not focus primarily on race, there are patterns of experience, norms, and expectations noted for all graduate students. Graduate school in the U.S. is not only a pathway to economic well-­ being but also a socialization process for professions, such as Law, Medicine, Engineering, and Academics, as well as higher levels of Scientific research, Public Policy, Education, and Business. Graduate students are socialized to learning at the graduate level, socialized to conformity to peers and faculty, and socialized to the professions (Gardner, 2008). Efforts both overt and covert aim to integrate graduate students to student communities comprised of individual students and to a professional community, in the form of other graduate students and faculty (Austin et al., 2009). Lack of socialization of graduate students to either student communities or professional communities is viewed as one factor in graduate student attrition. Graduate school makes demands upon students for cognitive development and identity development; these demands can trigger feelings of self-­ doubt and anxiety (Hardré & Hackett, 2015), which also lead to attrition, but as well can result in mental health problems. Overall, a high level of social isolation and loneliness occurs among graduate students globally (Vazquez & Cheney, 2021), and these conditions can be dependent in both kind and degree upon various influences such as program climate, mentorship, advising, financial confidence, and food security. Within the context of increasing competition of universities for prestige (Gardner, 2010), often in the form of rankings, graduate programs at the doctoral level pressure students to a performance level—for publications, for grants, and for the acquisition of high-status positions, usually at research universities—that again can lead to high levels of attrition and mental health problems. This may be one reason why doctoral students’ satisfaction with their program decreases over time (Russo, 2011). This is not to suggest, however, that graduate students are without the ability to gain from their programs and advance in their personal goals through

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their actions. In some cases, this ability can be enabled or blocked by program areas (O’Meara et al., 2014). Organizational environments, whether at program, department, or university levels, can figure as key determinants or influencers in both graduate student development and persistence, as well as in the fulfillment of career aspirations. Different populations of first-generation graduate students have both similar and dissimilar experiences in graduate school. Graduate students of color at a predominantly White institution in the South experience isolation and lack of belonging to the university and the program, and face obstacles including negative faculty relationships and racism, but they also exhibit self-care (such as workouts, experiences of positive affirmation, use of inspirational quotations, maintenance of work-life balance), and perseverance (Bowers et al., 2020). Graduate students of color (Brunsma et al., 2017) not only experience isolation and racism but also mental health problems which can result in lack of engagement within a program and lack of persistence. African American doctoral students at a predominantly White institution in the South faced similar conditions, but they used their life experiences to overcome their negative encounters and conditions in graduate school (Johnson-Bailey et al., 2009). Latinx graduate students in California undertook graduate studies to contribute to their cultural communities and used institutional structures and experiences as self-­ transformation to overcome earlier traumas (Montero-Hernandez & Drouin, 2020). Graduate women of color experience forms of oppression of racism and sexism but can create their own support systems and resist assimilation in the maintenance of their social and multi-faceted identities (Souto-Manning & Ray, 2007). Although Native American graduate students represent a particularly small percentage of graduate students and they fall into the category of students of color, they are viewed as invisible not only in physical numbers but also in their relationship to their Native cultures. In asserting their visibility in graduate programs, Native American graduate students express agency, by the inclusion of cultural identities in their work and by resistance to dominant power structures. Through this process, they gain skills to bring back to their communities, families, and nations (Keene et  al., 2017). Women graduate students in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) at one U.S. Rocky Mountain research university had to cope with a STEM culture that treated women in their programs as outsiders, and women were exposed to both sexism and other forms of exclusion; as well, they recognized university structures that were not compatible with women’s lives, including

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traditional timelines that are obstacles to career goals for those with children or those who anticipate child-bearing. Furthermore, there was a lack of role models for women graduate students in the form of women faculty. Thus, these women in STEM had to navigate an obstacle course, often alone, and this led for some to a lack of confidence. These conditions lead to women’s attrition in graduate STEM programs (De Welde & Laursen, 2011). Graduate students with disabilities face challenges that are uncommon for other students. Doctoral students with disabilities face physical obstacles in classrooms including problems with access to class materials, difficult instructional formats, and mandatory attendance policies. Those with physical disabilities report problems with access to offices, classrooms, and social activities. Stress from navigating and coping with environmental obstacles can result in lack of time for or focus upon graduate studies. In order to overcome these problems, graduate students with disabilities rely upon a faculty advisor for support to gain accommodation for their condition (Lizotte & Simplican, 2017). Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning [LGBTQ+] graduate students experience stress consistent with other non-LGBTQ peers, but their gender and sexual orientation identities subject them to increased risk for depression and anxiety, and lower life satisfaction, in part due to discriminatory and prejudicial behaviors of others, as well as stigma for their gender and sexual orientation identities (Sokolowski, 2020).4 International graduate students constitute a diverse population of students. Of the 350,000 international graduate students in the U.S., 239,000 are from Asian countries, with 118, 800 from China, and 68,800 from India (Institute of International Education, 2021). In STEM fields, they are recruited to serve in laboratories, supported by research grants; in the Humanities and Social Sciences, they work as teaching assistants. In the main, they are resources, either because of tuition or as labor, or both, and they add to the prestige of the university. Master’s students are recruited for revenue generation of universities as international students pay out-of-state tuition, and programs such as Master’s of Business Administration (MBA) charge tuition and fees that run as high as 4  There is limited research on graduate students who are associated with several social identity groups—Native American students, students with disabilities, and LBGTQ+ students—and thus my assertions for these groups are qualified assertions. Although some of the challenges for these groups are consistent with those for undergraduates, and there is more scholarly work on undergraduates, these populations have a graduate studies context which is different from an undergraduate one.

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$120,000/year. UCLA, a public and prestigious university charges $172,000 for its Executive MBA program, and $62,000/year for its MBA program, with 1/3 of all its MBA students international students. In 2007/2008 8% of all MBA students in the U.S. were international and 42% of all PhD students were international (Choy & Cataldi, 2011). Highly-ranked universities and prestigious faculty attract the most academically able graduate students; graduate students who participate in research enable faculty to garner grants; and graduate students who move on to research university faculty positions enhance the reputation of the university that graduates them. Thus, universities market themselves to attract international graduate students of the highest academic abilities (often demonstrated by standardized test scores) and particularly in fields where U.S. students cannot meet the demand (e.g., Engineering, Computing). International graduate students face not only language and cultural problems, including both interpersonal exchanges with domestic students and faculty and in class discussion, but also discrimination based upon country or culture of origin (Lee, 2021), referred to as neo-racism. Discrimination can include their use as cheap labor in research and negative stereotyping by other students and faculty. Furthermore, there is the problem of adjustment to a foreign country as well as difficulties with visa status and national policies such as those enacted in both the Trump administration and those connected to the Covid-19 pandemic. These difficulties and conditions can lead to mental health problems for international students, and confounding these problems is these students’ reticence to seek help.

What First-Generation Graduate Students Experience in Graduate School As noted in Chap. 1, the term “first-generation” student has an ambiguous position in both scholarship and practice. Analysis in the scholarly literature of those who fit the category of “first-generation,” and without consideration of other categorical characteristics, such as gender, race/ ethnicity, immigrant status, sexual orientation, dis/ability, and the like, suggests a homogenous population when, indeed, first-generation students experiences differ widely, and on the basis of other categories of their identities. As well, there are large populations of graduate students who fit other definitions of first-generation, such as one parent or more

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attended some postsecondary education but did not earn a bachelor’s degree, or one or more parents attended a postsecondary institution in a developing country and the student either emigrated to the U.S. (or other developed country) or attended a U.S. institution as an international student. These students, too, experienced similar conditions in their educational journeys to and in graduate school as graduate students who were first in their families to attend college or university. For example, Vicky, a former doctoral student of mine, whose parents had some postsecondary education in Mexico, arrived in the U.S. for a doctoral program, but had no experience in another country, had limited English facility, and had self-doubts. One of my first tests as a foreign graduate student was to sound smart. Like any other person learning a second language later in life, I had (and still do have) a marked accent. Learning to speak and write academic English was my main mission. It took me the first year of my stay as a graduate student to effectively communicate my ideas. In every class conversation, every assignment, and every meeting with a professor, I felt like I was going to war and my self-­ esteem was one of the biggest casualties. Even when I felt I’d conquered English grammar, I didn’t feel confident when speaking or writing English. (Montero Hernandez, 2021, p. 52)

In order to overcome both her fear of failure and her self-image as an undeserving and inadequate PhD student, Vicky devoted almost all of her non-sleeping time to her studies and her academic work as a research assistant. During my years as a graduate student, I overworked. Work became the perfect escape from having a personal and social life. Other than doing exercise and having a couple of friends, most of my life was spent studying and working. Although over the years I received invitations to different social events, most often I almost automatically declined. I was always busy; there was no time for parties, no time for adventures, and definitely no time for guys. For many years, weekday and weekends were the same world for me. Getting up at 6am and going to bed at 11pm was my daily routine, from Monday to Sunday, for six long years. I felt I couldn’t waste any time; I had to work hard. I had a clear goal in mind: helping my family. To overcome my impostor syndrome, I worked harder than everybody else. (Montero Hernandez, 2021, p. 53)

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The narratives of the first-generation graduate students noted in Chaps. 2 and 3 indicate that these students confront institutional and program structures that cause them to doubt their abilities, reflect upon the goals for their graduate program, and develop strategies and enact behaviors to meet expectations embedded in policies and faculty behaviors. Few resist these structures; rather they adapt and persevere. Second, first-generation graduate students look to others—their peers and their faculty—for support to overcome their negative emotions and for help with program requirements, such as dissertations and examinations. Third, first-­ generation graduate students reflect upon their backgrounds and experiences before graduate school to grasp human motivators, such as family members and mentors, in order to continue in their graduate school programs and to re-establish confidence. Fourth, first-generation graduate students reinforce or assert their social identities as students of color, as Latinx, as African American, as Asian American, as immigrants, and as LBGTQ+ to motivate them to continue in their program and accomplish their goals, particularly to give back to their social communities and to serve as role models.

Disconnection, Dissonance, and De-motivation Lack of self-confidence, lack of connection to academic communities, to peers, and to faculty, and loss of motivation to continue in graduate programs are evident in the experiences of first-generation graduate students. Raquel experienced mental health problems in her transition from undergraduate studies at a California public comprehensive university to a Master’s program at a California private research university, University of Southern California (USC). She explains that her peers at USC were wealthy and privileged, undergrads from University of California, Stanford, and out-of-state universities. Her low socioeconomic status was evident to her in comparison with her USC peers, and she assumed that these students had ample abilities and she did not. Eduardo’s Latinx identity at a Midwestern university isolated him from the dominant social identity of Master’s students at his university, and his isolation was amplified by his distance from his parents and the lack of a Latinx community in the state, as well as in his university. His expressed views in class about his experiences of inequity in higher education were rejected by his faculty as unscholarly, and, with these and other personal experiences in graduate school, he concluded that academic practices and a research career were

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incompatible with his self-understandings. Jazmin, a doctoral student, encountered two advisors, the first who was exploitative and the second in a different department who demanded more tasks for her and advised her minimally. As well, she observed that this second advisor lacked professional responsibility in his teaching by having teaching assistants instruct his classes. As a result, she lost commitment to her studies and questioned her suitability for graduate work. These students faced an environment in graduate school that provoked negative emotions. Several students experienced dissonance: Their values and preferences were not compatible with the others’ behaviors experienced in graduate school. Several students were disconnected or detached from the behaviors of other students. Finally, as a result of their experiences, several graduate students lost their motivation to continue or excel in their present program or to pursue a future academic path.

Marginalization as Motivation Yet, other first-generation graduate students, with background characteristics that could serve as detriments both to satisfactory experiences and persistence, flourished in graduate school and turned potentially negative experiences into positive ones. Estella, a Master’s student in Mathematics at the University of California, Los Angeles, although unprepared for undergraduate studies, used her social identity—Latina, indigenous, undocumented immigrant—to motivate her and to develop a network of mentors and staff members at her university. In graduate school, even though she is an outsider, both her fascination with elements in Mathematics and Statistics and her caring sensibilities for marginalized communities beyond the university provide her with motivation to persist in a graduate program that traditionally is not a space for women. Norma, a PhD student at University of California, Riverside is the child of parents who were deported from the U.S.  Her Master’s program at UC Santa Barbara reaffirmed her identity as a Chicana, and her program experiences with the study of literature and culture and discussion with peers and faculty energized her. In spite of her limited resources, she moved on to a PhD program motivated to add to the limited knowledge of and research on children without parents and those whose parents have been deported and live without parents in the U.S. Her determination to alter immigration policy through community activism and greater academic achievement among marginalized populations resulted in her attachment to

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academic work at the PhD level. Thus, negative experiences and resultant negative emotions, such as experiences of difference, particularly social identity as students of color or as immigrants and non-English native speakers, served as motivator for these students for educational attainment.

Formation of Community: Attachment and Continuation The absence of social capital, that network of people who can advise and direct first-generation students and that knowledge of the ways systems work and the underlying logics of those systems, results in considerable limitations for both undergraduate and graduate students. These limitations are often responsible for negative experiences and can lead to student attrition as well as mental health problems. However, some first-­generation graduate students build these networks in graduate school and begin to accumulate social capital. Cruz, a PhD student at The Ohio State University, established a community after a year of isolation from her family which included discriminatory and racist behaviors toward her in her new environment of graduate school. She found other women of color in her program who supported her psychologically and a male graduate advisor who supported her academically. These connections, as well as Cruz’s year back with her family during the Covid pandemic, provided her with care and direction, and enabled her to persist in her doctoral program. Other graduate students found attachments and developed community within their program. Paulina, a Master’s student at USC, overcame anxiety about her lack of finances through a female faculty of color who offered her paid research work; as well, she attached herself to other students of color for support and validation. Elvira, as well, a Master’s student at UC Riverside, who encountered difficulties as an undergraduate student, benefitted from joining a community of student peers for collaboration in course work in her graduate program. Community, that bond that signals identity, particularly an affinity identity (Gee, 2000), serves as a support system for these students. Such an affinity identity frees these students from isolation and self-doubt, as well as resultant decisions to drop out of graduate school. They share common experiences, values, and predispositions with other graduate students.

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The Shock of Expectations for Writing For those first-generation graduate students whose native or home language is not English, their confrontation with expectations for academic writing can serve as a negative answer to their question of “Am I good enough?” Carlos, a PhD student at UC Riverside, who attained excellent grades as a high school student, as an undergraduate, and as a Master’s student, lost his confidence with his first written assignments in his doctoral program. With a grade of C, he contemplated withdrawal from his program. Memo, a PhD student at a public university, received a C on his first paper in his Master’s program, with explanation that his grade was due to weak writing; in his doctoral program, the same issue with his writing arose again. With considerable additional work on grammar, Memo persisted. Yet, during his graduate programs, his C grades on assignments reflected his fear that he was not capable of graduate work. Xavi, a Master’s student at UC Riverside and a non-native English speaker, struggled with her undergraduate work and encountered difficulty with comprehension of course material and with English conversations. She lacked self-esteem because of her problems with fluency in English, and her accent added to that problem. Although in graduate school, Xavi performed well academically, she lacked confidence and questioned whether or not she was as capable as other students. Academic writing, especially at the graduate level, requires not only understanding of disciplinary conventions of communications, but also proficiency in the written language, in this case English.

Students’ Advisors and Faculty First-generation graduate students noted the role of both advisors and faculty as supporters or detractors in their graduate programs. Eduardo notes that the relations between advisers and PhD students were poor in that advisors had little understanding of students’ conditions. Memo expressed disappointment with his advisor in his Master’s program, but he connected with one faculty member whom he viewed as a mentor in his Master’s program and who helped him improve his writing. Jazmin encountered exploitative and uncaring advisors as a PhD student. Carlos experienced effective advising from a faculty member in both his Master’s and PhD programs. Humberto attributed his academic attainment in a PhD program to faculty of color in his Sociology department. Manuel

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found connections with faculty difficult in his Master’s program. Alejandra lamented that she was unable to meet with Latinx faculty who focused upon Latinx communities and instead had to persist in her Master’s program on her own. Lulu expressed that she was not validated by the faculty in her PhD program, and that included her advisor. Isabella located two faculty members in her PhD program who provided her with support. Cruz had positive experiences in her Master’s programs with faculty and a high level of support in her PhD program from her advisor. Paulina acknowledged faculty of color as supportive in her Master’s program. Whether the experiences and interactions were viewed positively or negatively, these experiences and interactions had consequences. Several students were bolstered by their positive interactions with faculty, and several were dismayed by these interactions, which led them to doubt their self-­ worth. The role of faculty, and advisors/supervisors, in graduate programs is not well-developed in the scholarly literature (Barnes & Austin, 2009), especially for Master’s students, and the literature can view advisors solely as mentors, and ignore the formal role of an advisor, who may not be a mentor, and the advising role of faculty who are not formal advisors (Noy & Ray, 2012). The testimonies of these first-generation graduate students indicate that faculty as teachers, advisors, supervisors have consequential effects on students’ experiences, including students’ self-esteem.

Graduate School in the U.S. The condition of graduate schools in the U.S. is not simple untidiness or disorder, not so much a mess as claimed (Cassuto, 2015), and more than a problem just in doctoral education as graduate school includes Master’s programs and often postbaccalaureate programs. The condition is not confined to outcomes for doctoral students, such as fewer tenure track faculty positions available at research universities than in the past or even lack of persistence of doctoral students, which at 50% is viewed as inefficient. The condition of graduate schools in the U.S. results from the rationales and values that shape both colleges and universities, what I have termed academic logic and the effects of the political economy on colleges and universities, in the form of both policies and practices, what I have termed neoliberal logic.

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Graduate School and First-Generation Graduate Students The question at this point is what can graduate programs and graduate schools within universities, and universities themselves, do to address the needs of these students and to ensure that these students experience a sound graduate education? As I noted in Chap. 1, the institutional norms of the research university and the logic adopted by faculty and academic administrators are not compatible with the ever-increasing population of graduate students. First, there is a growing gulf between academic institutionalized values and practices and the understandings, experiences, and preferences of students, and I would add here, based upon the analyses of Chap. 4, the needs of these students such as validation of social identities. Second, there is a labor market condition, particularly for doctoral students, that demands or requires specific competencies gained from training and practice. This labor market does not include the tenure track professoriate at research universities, where considerably less than 25% of doctoral graduates will find employment (Cassuto & Weisbuch, 2021). Thus, well-over 75% of PhD graduates likely require skills and knowledge that do not lead them to tenure-track faculty positions at research universities, where academic research is the sine qua non (Levin et al., 2020) of the profession. Institutional logics, and in the case of the research university, academic logic and neoliberal logic, entrench policies and practices. As professors and academic practitioners, we ask Master’s and PhD students to conform to expected behaviors for academic discourse—the use of published scholarship as a basis for argument and evidence to support argument; empirical methods of inquiry for research; and competency in English language, particularly in English speaking countries. Aside from these standard expectations for production for graduate students, we ground our curriculum in Western European traditions, with empiricism and peer-reviewed scholarship as the basis for knowledge. These peers constitute the gatekeepers of academic logic. Interactions, including discussion and debate, are expected to be rational. In conformity to market or neoliberal logic, graduate programs expect efficiency: that students will follow established normative time for program milestones, such as oral or qualifying examinations, and completion. Faculty expect doctoral students to participate in research, in order to bolster the productivity of faculty, and as well for the doctoral student to develop a curriculum vitae that includes publications

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to facilitate a future academic position. The university expects graduate students to conform to normative times for program completion, and in numerous programs, this means full-time attendance during course taking. These expectations have a financial rationale as well as a prestige rationale. Yet, these expectations and norms are neither part of a large population of graduate students’ experiences or training (e.g., training in academic writing at the graduate level) nor under the control of the students themselves (e.g., requirement for full-time study). Much of the critical scholarly work on graduate education ignores academic logic, and gives little attention to neoliberal logic; as well, those who promote alteration to graduate education focus on the PhD programs, and ignore Master’s programs, as well as other doctoral and post-­ baccalaureate programs. Furthermore, there is little or no attention to changing student demographics in universities, particularly in graduate programs (Cardoso et  al., 2020; Cassuto, 2015; Cassuto & Weisbuch, 2021). For first-generation graduate students and other minoritized populations, such as students of color, students with disabilities, English as second language learners, and international students from non-native speaking English countries, proposals and recommendations for the reform of graduate education will not suffice. Of the many graduate students I have encountered, the majority viewed graduate school as a foreign country. They had negotiated undergraduate programs because they were intelligent and resourceful, but they had not developed skills, abilities, and knowledge that prepared them for graduate school. They lacked what theorists call cultural capital (Bourdieu, 1986) and often social capital (Bourdieu, 1986), those resources that enabled them to develop and use networks, or groups, of people who could facilitate their journey through university and into and through graduate school. In the U.S. graduate school, these absences of cultural and social capital proved to be deficits, even though many scholars have argued that marginalized and minoritized students are not in deficit, that for example they possess community capital or community cultural wealth (Yosso, 2005). This community capital is a form of capital that refers to knowledges and skills, as well as dispositions in the form of resistance to oppressive regimes, derived from a social or cultural identity group such as a local population of recent immigrants or a long-standing community of Native Americans or Latinos: These knowledges and skills, it is postulated, have validity in the college and university setting. In my experience, such a sentiment appeases students but it does not help them in their graduate work

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in that faculty in general do not accept social, cultural, or personal experience as a basis for an argument or support for an argument. Again, within an organization that relies upon academic logic for policies and practices, a logic that underlies expectations, graduate students are judged by their academic merits, which includes proficiency in academic writing, knowledge of scientific methods, and quantitative skills where appropriate. International students from non-native English-speaking countries struggle with language barriers both on a personal and social level as well as an academic level. These are students who initially have to read and comprehend a foreign language. In my experience, international non-­ native English speakers translate English into their native language for comprehension and then translate from their native language back into English for their assignments. I have tutored these students, both Mandarin speakers and Spanish speakers, and although they are stellar students in their home countries, in the U.S. they are challenged both linguistically and culturally to adapt to U.S. academic expectations. It is not a stretch to suggest that first-generation graduate students whose home language is not English have similar challenges to international students from non-­ English speaking countries.

What Is Needed to Accommodate First-Generation Graduate Students Although I may be heading to prescription for the examination of the assumptions of graduate education and a reform or replacement of those assumptions, that is not my purpose, nor is it in my purview to press for such actions. After all, I am a retired professor, and unlikely to have the power to lead a charge and certainly not in possession of a platform of say an academic senate leader or graduate school dean. Instead, I comment here on the ailments of higher education, not only in the U.S. but also worldwide, as these ailments are relevant to graduate education, particularly for first-generation graduate students, and point the way to improvement. I turn to the two dominant logics of the research university, and likely the dominant logics, with some exceptions, for all postsecondary educational institutions: academic logic and neoliberal logic. I do not include the logic of inclusion (Brint, 2019) as a dominant logic, although that logic can affect, both positively and negatively, graduate education. The plight of and problems for graduate students, generally, mental health

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for all graduate students, future employment doubts and the academic job market for doctoral students, insufficient attention and direction from advisors, demands for performativity, and the general fast pace of work (Deem, 2020) are parallel problems for universities. These problems are tied to the political economy, in some form to academic capitalism, but generally to neoliberalism and the neoliberal logic of universities (Levin et al., 2020). Globally, as Rosemary Deem (2020) points out, there are reports of increased incidents of mental health problems for doctoral students; indirectly she associates this with what Stephen Ball (2012a) and others refer to as the neoliberal university. I want to suggest that the overall shape and cultures of higher education across the world, which make academic work more demanding and less enjoyable and impose instrumentalism and consumerism, rather than enhance learner/teacher relationships, may be part of the reason why more and more HE systems are reporting increased incidence of poor mental health amongst all students. The latter is especially found amongst those studying for a doctorate (Bothwell, 2017; Levecquea et al., 2017; Thomas, 2015). Doctoral students are positioned at the heart of the many tensions and contradictions that are now an integral part of higher education institutions’ daily struggle with what constitute the purposes of higher education. It is perhaps no surprise that these tensions and the cultures within which they are embedded in HE may be at least partially responsible for doctoral researchers’ decreased sense of wellbeing. (Deem, 2020. p. 21)

What applies above to doctoral students also applies in large part to Master’s students, who are 72.9% of enrolled graduate students in the U.S. as of Fall 2020 (Zhou & Gao, 2021). Neoliberal logic, then, is cast as the bane of numerous problems for education globally (Seddon & Levin, 2013), and for universities specifically, particularly research universities. What is not discussed is the role of academic logic in the challenges and problems for graduate students, and specifically for first-generation graduate students. Academic logic in the contemporary university had expanded in practice from its roots in academic professionalism, a subset of professionalism. Academic values, which include peer review of research, publication, and inventions; critique as a form of examination of scholarship, research, and publication; collegial discussion, debate, and decision-­ making; peer judgment for promotion and tenure; and scholarly integrity, among other characteristics of academic values, have, over the past four or

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more decades, been accompanied by, and integrated with, performance measures. The connection suggests infiltration of neoliberal practices into the university (Levin et al., 2020). Furthermore, academics have adopted neoliberal preferences into their professional selves, and neoliberal values have become embedded in the academy (Levin & Aliyeva, 2015). These neoliberal values are combined with academic practices, such as promotion and tenure (Gu & Levin, 2021), and they include the fostering of a competitive environment that can be judged by performance technologies and surveillance (Ball, 2012b).5 Graduate education, too, falls victim to such practices of competition (Gardner, 2010), and indeed the behaviors of productive faculty serve often as negative role models for graduate students (Levin et al., 2013). Thus, to alter graduate education for the benefit of not only first-­ generation graduate students but also all graduate students is first to strip away those infringements of neoliberal values and practices from academic logic. Second, first-generation students, as do all graduate students, need not just socialization into the academic profession but socialization into professional careers outside of tenure-track faculty positions at research universities: into teaching colleges and universities, into postsecondary education policy and research, and into administration, as well as non-­ postsecondary education careers, which might be pertinent for graduate students in the STEM fields (e.g., STEM-related government positions), in the Arts (e.g., Museums), in the Social Sciences (e.g., Clinical Psychology), and in Business and Education (e.g., NGOs). Third, 5  Although there is an enormous body of literature on neoliberalism, and some disagreements on what the concept means and the ways it operates in nations, societies, institutions, and organizations, there are several cogent explanations that are comprehensible to the general public and several that apply to higher education. Simon Clarke (2005) offers an explanation that has broad application. “The market is an instrument of ‘natural selection’ that judges not on the basis of the individual’s ability to contribute to society, but on the basis of the individual’s ability to contribute to the production of surplus value and the accumulation of capital” (p. 55). Steven Ward (2012) adds to the market-oriented conception of neoliberalism. “Under neoliberalism people were to be reconceptualized less as socially connected citizens of a national state or morally situate members of culture and more as self-interested competitors, self-actualized entrepreneurs and national consumer in a dynamic and ever-­ changing global marketplace” (p.  2). For Stephen Ball (2012a), under neoliberalism, the professional function of faculty—practice for social good—is replaced by practice for economic benefits. “The social contract within which the professional works, in the public interest, is replace by commercial relationships between education and client and employer” (pp. 32–33).

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first-generation graduate students require what is referred to as a caring environment, first explained in the context of Nursing (Watson, 1979; Watson & Woodward, 2010).6 Elements or factors of a caring environment include compassion and advocacy for clients/patients; respect; individuality; nurturing, and generosity, with practitioners demonstrating competency and commitment. These elements practiced by graduate programs for first-generation graduate students (and all graduate students) would address almost all of the concerns raised by the graduate students’ narratives. This caring environment would include responsiveness to the needs of graduate students, including their need for skills in academic writing. Neoliberal Values and Practices Neoliberal values and practices affect graduate education on at least two levels: the level of deep infiltration that characterizes the university and thus graduate education as a business; and the level of everyday practice and behaviors characterized by individual competitiveness, fast-paced production and interactions, and an audit or surveillance culture (Ball, 2012a; Levin et al., 2020; Shore, 2008; Ward, 2012). The university understood as a business, with graduate education as an organizational division of the university, gives primacy to the commercial and exchange value of activities, including teaching and research. The financial domain, which is supported by the legitimacy of the university—its prestige, its reputation, its status—shapes and often dictates the behaviors of the university, including its units. Graduate schools are resource-dependent, and survival is contingent upon resource providers. To attract and satisfy these providers— granting agencies, students, government legislators, and donors—universities and graduate schools must remain legitimate and appeal to the providers. To that extent, then, the university and graduate 6  Ten carative factors are presented in the Watson theory: “1. Formation of a humanistic– altruistic system of values. 2. Instillation of faith–hope. 3. Cultivation of sensitivity to one’s self and to others. 4. Development of a helping–trusting, human caring relationship. 5. Promotion and acceptance of the expression of positive and negative feelings. 6. Systematic use of creative problem-solving caring process. 7. Promotion of transpersonal teaching– learning. 8. Provision for a supportive, protective, and/or corrective mental, physical, societal, and spiritual environment. 9. Assistance with gratification of human needs. 10. Allowance for existential–phenomenological–spiritual forces” (Watson & Woodward, 2010, p. 353).

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schools are commercial enterprises, environments where a good deal is for sale (Bok, 2003; Brown & Carasso, 2013), from clothing and athletic competitions to technology transfer and faculty consulting services. In the academic domain of the university, academic capitalism has become more pronounced since the late 1970s (Cantwell & Kauppinen, 2014; Slaughter & Leslie, 1997), and this points to both the financial and prestige values of graduate schools. Master’s programs in some fields, such as Business and Education, become revenue generators for universities, given the large program size, the minor labor costs in faculty time, and often additional tuition for specific programs, such as Executive MBAs. PhD programs, particularly in STEM fields, are highly competitive, and use students for low-cost labor in research and teaching. Faculty rely upon PhD students for their research in order to increase publication levels and generate both increased salaries and prestige. Practices and behaviors of faculty and graduate students at research universities, in order to comply with and conform to the neoliberal values and practices of the university, respond to expectations for improvement and productivity, including efficiency, in a competitive environment. Faculty are observed, audited, and surveilled by other faculty, administrators, university performance evaluation systems, and by themselves: They are self-surveilled, through socialization into the university’s academic capitalism regime7 (Ball, 2012b; Levin et al., 2020; Shore, 2008; Ward, 2012). Faculty with increasing expectations placed on them by others as well as themselves for productivity, particularly in the area of research and grants, have to reduce work elsewhere, which includes service and student advising, as well as teaching, or at least time given to teaching functions. These neoliberal practices and behaviors in graduate schools not only detract from the academic quality of programs and student education but also lead to problems for graduate students, including mental health issues

7  Regime was added to the term academic capitalism by Sheila Slaughter and Gary Rhoades (2004) as an addition to the behaviors of faculty noted in Slaughter and Leslie’s earlier publication, Academic capitalism, politics, policies, and the entrepreneurial university (1997). Regime connotes an organizational, or institutional, or State system where organizational or institutional or State actions are directed and largely controlled by a power base. For Slaughter and Rhoades, the regime consists of faculty, university administrators, governing bodies, government officials, and legislators, as well as corporations and wealthy resource providers, such as donors. Here I use the term to refer to the university only.

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resulting from stress and anxiety and career choice ambiguities.8 Graduate students are socialized into these practices and behaviors, as if they are the norm for students and expected for careers, although the careers graduate students are socialized into are academic ones, specifically research university tenure-track faculty careers for doctoral students. Socialization into Professional Careers Socialization in graduate school is confined in large part to expected behaviors of students in academic study, in research, in performance of acquired knowledge, and in interactions with faculty and other students. For doctoral students, socialization can extend to the academic profession at the tenure-track level in research universities; for Master’s students in some fields, for Business, Education, and Engineering, and other graduate students in Medicine and Law, socialization can cover some aspects of future professions: In Education, socialization for the profession can occur through internships, as in the case more formally for Medicine.9 As a whole, doctoral students are not socialized for careers outside the academy.10 Indeed, even for academic socialization, doctoral students are not socialized for careers in teaching institutions, such as community colleges 8  Graduate students reject the academic career in part because of the lack of work-life balance they experience in graduate school and what they perceive in the behaviors of the faculty in their program (Mason et al., 2009). 9  A global summit on graduate education identified eight principles pertinent to the career pathways for graduate students, both Master’s and doctoral students, as well as graduate students in professional schools. These principles included the need for transferrable skills for graduate students; the importance of mentors and supervisors who are responsible for the preparation of students for a wide variety of careers; and the importance of a university and program’s knowledge of global career trends and the conceptual and personal skills that graduate student require for these careers. Principles and practices for building pathways from graduate school to careers. Global perspectives on career outcomes for graduate students: Tracking and building pathways. Proceedings of the 2011 Strategic Leaders. September 26–28, 2011, The University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong. 10  The majority of doctoral graduates do not find academic employment. “In 2020, 40% of all doctorate recipients with definite employment commitments (excluding postdoc positions) in the United States reported that their principal job would be in academe, down from 49% in 2000. The highest rates of academic employment commitments were reported by doctorate recipients in humanities and arts and in other non-S&E fields (70% and 72%, respectively); the lowest rates were in engineering (10%) and in physical sciences and earth sciences (16%)” (National Center for Science and Engineering Statistics, National Science Foundation, 2021).

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or comprehensive universities. With the exception of those doctoral students who serve as teaching assistants in their universities, doctoral students do not have training or experience with teaching postsecondary students, which includes curriculum development and maintenance, student advising, and formal summative evaluation of student work, as well as institutional instructional policies. These students, knowledgeable from experience with research university environments, have no introduction to or experience with community college or comprehensive university environments, including their traditions, norms, and practices. As the majority of doctoral students who attain faculty positions do so at comprehensive universities or community colleges, and a large percentage of these acquire part-time positions, their graduate school socialization is void of instruction in or experience with a teaching institution’s culture. For community colleges, this is understood as a practitioner’s culture,11 where scholarship gives way to the practical application and to personal experience as a basis for knowledge claims. Moreover, community college faculty have the master’s degree as the general academic requirement for full-time or part-time teaching in the general areas of Arts and Sciences, as well as Business, and often in Technology and Health Sciences fields. Preparation of Master’s students for a career in teaching at community colleges requires experience for graduate students with the teaching of a broad range of lower division undergraduate students with a variety of academic backgrounds and skills levels, and with disadvantaged backgrounds.12 As well, community colleges have not only different student populations than universities but also a distinctive mission that encompasses the local community and access to education for underserved populations. Comprehensive universities, although diverse, are focused largely upon the teaching of undergraduate students, aimed at preparing an educated workforce, and faculty are charged with, not rewarded for, teaching not research. Student ­learning 11  Dennis McGrath and Martin Spear (1991) in The academic crisis of the community college used the term practitioner’s culture to refer to the dominance of practical knowledge not academic knowledge in the community college, particularly observed in the discourse of faculty. 12  The majority of community college students are not only nontraditional higher education students but also disadvantaged in numerous areas including economic and academic, as well as in educational and personal backgrounds (Levin, 2014). Compared to university students, they come from a lower socioeconomic background and are more likely to be first in their family to attend a higher education institution. The majority of community college students attend college part-time.

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is a paramount value (Henderson, 2007).13 Preparation of doctoral students for a career in teaching at comprehensive universities requires experience for doctoral students with the teaching of a broad range of lower and upper division undergraduates. As well, comprehensive universities offer a selection of Master’s programs, and thus doctoral student preparation for comprehensive university teaching can include advising graduate students and supervising Master’s thesis work. These career preparation practices in graduate schools are of particular importance to first-generation graduate students. As can be observed in the testimonies of the first-generation graduate students in Chaps. 2 and 3, these first-generation students need more than academic education: They need an understanding of what careers are relevant to and likely for them; they need guidance in preparation for these careers, including applications for jobs; and they need experience in social and cultural environments that may be foreign to them, particularly if they are underrepresented minority students or international students. A Caring Environment To question whether or not universities are caring environments by design or tradition, a large body of literature, including literary fiction and film, suggests that universities are institutions devoid of nurturing and authentic humanity.14 Students services, including health-related units, are the 13  Carol Burton’s doctoral dissertation (2007), An ethnography of faculty in a community college and a public, regional, comprehensive university, demonstrates the similarities and differences between community colleges and comprehensive universities. The California State University (CSU), the nation’s largest university system, is referred to as The people’s university, by former president Donald Gerth (2010) to signify the historical mission of the state’s comprehensive universities. These institutions, typical of state public comprehensive universities, have a responsibility to the state of California and its people to further educational opportunities to the baccalaureate level and to prepare graduates for the workforce or further education at the graduate level. 14  Here, I rely upon the countless works that portray the university as a neoliberal organization, for example Stephen Ball’s (2012a) Global education inc.: New policy networks and the neo-liberal imaginary, the literary and film works that offer conflict and negative emotions as normative: C. P. Snow’s (1951) The masters; Richard Russo’s (1997) Straight man; Thomas Wolfe’s (2004) I am Charlotte Simmons; John Singleton’s film (1995) Higher learning; Kirby Dick’s documentary (2014) The hunting ground; Learning Matters’ documentary (2005) Declining by degrees. Over the past decade, there are numerous studies on university student mental health, and these suggest that there are rising accounts of stress and anxiety on the part of students.

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sole units typically associated with student welfare and well-being. Graduate students, particularly those I have identified as first-generation graduate students, are vulnerable to a variety of stressors and insurmountable conditions that both affect their well-being (or mental health) and their performance and persistence, as graduate students. I offer trust as one factor or element of a caring environment. Trust in this context is a condition of respect and exchange between individuals or groups, particularly pertinent to a condition between faculty and student and between university and students.15 From the testimonies of first-­ generation graduate students, interactions that are meaningful behaviors come from trustworthy others, from guides or counselors, mentors, peers, and teachers. These trustworthy others are understood by these students are guides along the pathways to graduate school and supporters during graduate school. These trustworthy others are valued because of not only their loyalty or commitment but also their competence: Peers have knowledge of one’s conditions; mentors are credible; guides are directive; and teachers have integrity. These characteristics, loyalty and competence, engender trust. Organizations—graduate programs, university departments, and universities—too can exhibit behaviors toward students that engender trust. The practice of helping, caring relationships between organization and students and efforts to fulfill students’ needs develop and reinforce trust between students and university. Graduate schools, then, are organizations where the needs of first-­ generation students can become a priority, and where graduate school administrators, staff, and faculty work with students to address and fulfill students’ needs. For first-generation Master’s or Professional school students, needs at the outset include the integration into graduate studies, both academically and socially. Graduate school boot camps, as one example, can be useful. The boot camps occur prior to the start of programs where students are introduced to the challenges of graduate school; to their university and its players (e.g., faculty and staff); to intellectual, research, and writing expectations of programs; and to support services (e.g., health services, writing centers). A boot camp can also offer a sample of curriculum, such as course readings and assignments, and offer writing

 See Kasten, 2018; Ream et al., 2014; Tierney, 2008; Wubs-Mrozewicz, 2020.

15

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and/or quantitative instruction.16 For first-generation graduate students, such a program could alleviate reported problems of graduate school, such as loneliness and isolation, lack of community, lack of engagement with faculty, and English language deficiencies and resultant lack of confidence. A set of recommendations for the improvement of doctoral student experiences and outcomes comes from Kristina Gupta in a critique of a doctoral program in Women’s, Gender, Sexuality and Feminist Studies. These recommendations provide reasonable and beneficial actions for doctoral programs in general and several of these are appropriate for Master’s and professional post-baccalaureate programs. Although in the form of a list of prescriptions, these recommendations are useful for discussion within programs, with reflection upon which prescriptions can work in a particular program at what level. I offer the following best practices as suggestions and fodder for conversation—not hard and fast rules—with the recognition that a number of programs are already implementing a variety of these practices: Only admit graduate students if you can offer them a living wage and healthcare for five years. If this is not possible, at the very least be forthcoming with admitted students about the funding package in relation to local living costs and average time to degree and help students locate and apply for internal and external funding opportunities. Offer comprehensive and institutionalized job placement services for your students (or ensure that your university does). Value both academic and non-academic career aspirations. Where departments do not have the expertise to place students in non-academic jobs, find this expertise elsewhere. Make sure you have sufficient faculty resources to support the students you admit (in other words, make sure you have enough faculty to serve as advisors and committee members). Make sure your faculty are willing to advise interdisciplinary projects and projects on topics that are not directly related to their area of expertise. Talk about your ethos for faculty-­student relationships and develop a list of best practices for faculty advisors. Provide ongoing training for all faculty who serve as advisors for the department. Recognize and reward good faculty advisors. Establish a graduate student grievance procedure. Make sure it has teeth. Look at feminist proposals to address sexual harassment in the workplace for models. 16  There is a scholarship that refutes the benefits of boot camps for doctoral students: In one study (Feldon et al., 2017), benefits are understood as outcome measures with effects examined in the first and second year of doctoral programs for students drawn from Life Sciences, without a specific focus upon students’ characteristics, such as first-generation graduate students or students of color.

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Track student outcomes, including students who leave the program without finishing. Follow your students for the duration of their professional careers. Make information about attrition rates and the economic security of past graduates publicly available on the department website. Develop family and medical leave policies in general and parental leave policies in particular (or ensure that these policies exist at the graduate school level); think about how your graduate students will find childcare, family housing, etc.; find out if your graduate students can include dependents on their health insurance plan. Include all of this information in your handbook. Sponsor events or programs that address graduate students as caregivers. Articulate how you will recruit and retain students from historically underrepresented groups, especially low-income students, students of color, and students with disabilities. Explicitly address issues facing low-income students, students of color, and students with disabilities in your orientation, in your handbook, and in all aspects of your program. If you admit international students, make sure that you can support them…Establish clear communication between the department and graduate students. Give graduate students an opportunity to provide anonymous feedback to the department. Establish formal procedures for including graduate students in department graduate program governance. Think together with your graduate students about how to develop and maintain a collegial environment in which faculty and graduate students treat each other with mutual respect. Work with your graduate students to foster intra-student community, perhaps by creating opportunities for collaborative generation and coauthoring. Support student involvement in university-level service opportunities and support and recognize student activism and community engagement. Support and recognize nontraditional forms of scholarship, including creative projects and projects that explicitly bridge the activist/scholar binary. (Gupta, 2018, pp. 418–420)

The key, however, in my experience, to meet the needs of graduate students is engagement of faculty with students. Much of the angst, feelings of self-doubt, and isolation expressed by the students in Chaps. 2 and 3, as well as negative experiences with faculty, could have been alleviated by caring engagement of program faculty with the students. Although faculty’s engagement is typically seen as beneficial in academic matters, for graduate students, the personal is a critical dimension of graduate student experience. Graduate students are adults, and adult learning theory includes the social context for learning (Merriam & Bierema, 2013), and the prescription for a community of learners (Kasworm et al., 2010). This community for graduate students includes, or should, students and faculty. The caring environment, then, requires faculty’s personal and

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professional interest in the lives, both academic and personal, of graduate students.17

First-Generation Student Refrain and Environmental Change The label first-generation student, and, in the case of this book, first-­ generation graduate student is not one that satisfies fully as a category to capture undergraduate and graduate students who are disadvantaged relative to the expectations and practices of the university. Nor is the label able to connote all of the experiences of students who are first in their family to attend college or university. The label alone omits other students who have similar experiences and challenges of first-generation students but who are not first-generation students. These may include students of color, including Native American students, American Pacific Islander students, international students, students with disabilities, LBGTQ+ students, veterans, and students with families, including single-parent students. My attention here is given to graduate students who are first in their families to attend college or university and then move on to graduate school, including professional schools, such as Medicine, Business, Education, and Engineering, among other professional programs. My population in the presented testimonies has included students who have attended what is referred to as Predominantly White institutions (PWIs), although several fall under the category of Hispanic-serving institutions, because of their population of self-identified Hispanic students. For graduate students who are African American, their experiences at Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) could differ considerably from those African American graduate students who attend predominantly 17  I have behaved at times without care for my students. I recall one of my less admirable moments as an advisor and dissertation supervisor, which culminated in my student’s emotional responses, and a flood of tears, to my demands and restrictions about how a doctoral dissertation must be written. I had a long-term professional relationship with that student, and I think it is fair to say I never overworked her or treated her in any way that was offensive or took advantage of her. She was a research assistant of mine for two years, and she did excellent work in that capacity. But she wanted to write her dissertation in her way, not in mine, and I could not permit her to do that. I knew at the time that in my rejection of her insistent requirement to write the dissertation as she wanted and not how I wanted, that I forfeited my values of kindness and caring. I could likely have handled this impasse differently, but the damage was done, and the student left the doctoral program.

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White institutions. The characteristics of HBCUs have proved to be welcoming environments for students of color, and isolation or loneliness because of difference, compared to that encountered by students of color at PWIs, is not evident for African American students at HBCUs. This is a condition that is likely to transfer to students at the graduate school level at HBCUs. Furthermore, there is little evidence for the experiences of first-generation graduate students at universities outside the U.S.,18 but that does not indicate that first-generation graduate students in universities globally do not face similar hardships or have similar experiences. What ties these populations together—whether first-generation graduate students, Aboriginal graduate students, American Pacific Islander students, African American graduate students and other students color, students with disabilities, LGBTQ+ graduate students, international graduate students, graduate students who are veterans, and other minoritized or disadvantaged populations—are their needs as graduate students, needs which if unfulfilled have consequences, whether in the area of mental health or in program persistence and academic achievement. As these populations rise in U.S. graduate schools and post-­baccalaureate programs, with the exception of international students and Native American students,19 the enrolment of large populations of first-­generation graduate students will continue as will first-generation undergraduates who will consider graduate or postbaccalaureate studies. To accommodate these student populations, universities will need to become institutions that nurture and respect students. Beyond the numbers of both graduate students overall and first-generation graduate students specifically, there are issues of ethical treatment of graduate students and the appropriate preparation of graduate students for employment, which includes 18  Aboriginal graduate students in Canada, as well as in New Zealand, have similar experiences as first-generation graduate students in the U.S., particularly with lack of belonging, isolation, and absence of connection to faculty who are not Aboriginal (Pidgeon et al., 2014). 19  From 2010 to 2020, the average annual growth rate for first-time graduate enrollment increased by 9.2% among Latinx, 5.4% among Black/African Americans, 6.3% among Asians/Pacific Islanders, and 0.8% among American Indian/Alaska Natives (Zhou & Gao, 2021). Notwithstanding these figures for the category of race, there are scant data on first-­ generation graduate students. However, with increases in enrollments of undergraduates over the past several decades, the percentage of first-generation college students should diminish. Yet, whether this translates into a smaller percentage of first-generation graduate students will depend on several factors, including labor market conditions and whether or not the baccalaureate degree will be sufficient for employment requirements and income expectations.

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employment inside the academy for those at teaching institutions and employment outside the academy for both Master’s and Doctoral program graduates, where more than the majority of graduate students will fill jobs.20 Those recent scholarly works that champion change to doctoral programs (e.g., Cardoso et  al., 2020; Cassuto & Weisbuch, 2021) are steps to improve the relevancy of higher education both to society as a whole and the job market. Yet, they do not address, as I noted earlier, the demographics of graduate students (e.g., students of color, first-­generation students, and non-native English speakers, including international students) and they do not promote what I refer here to as a caring environment. It is that caring environment which must be the foundation for graduate and post-baccalaureate programs. The narratives of the graduate students in Chaps. 2 and 3 attest to the importance of care: concern, charity, mercy, affection, compassion, and attentiveness. These students express either the need for care or the experience of care during their pathways to graduate school and their experiences in graduate school. With a rise in online degree programs at the Master’s level, care becomes a more evident challenge because of the absence of face-to-face physical interactions and the absence of on-campus presence of students. The Master’s students in Chaps. 2 and 3 make no reference to online education, and, with the exception of arrangements during Covid-19 in 2020 and 2021, their concerns do not include physical distance from peers or faculty although they entail experiences of isolation and stress. As of 2016, 31% of Master’s students were in fully online programs and another 21% had some of their courses online (Blagg, 2018). It is important to note that of the totality of graduate and professional graduate students and other post-baccalaureate students, 71% are enrolled in Master’s programs (Baum & Steele, 2017), with 13% of the total in professional programs and 6% in doctoral programs, with 10% in certificate programs. Evidently, a good deal of attention has gone to doctoral programs and their students and insufficient attention to Master’s programs and their students. Again, the testimonies of Master’s students in Chaps. 2 and 3 point to the necessity for greater attention to Master’s students and Master’s programs.

20  During the period of 1990–2006, 36.3% of U.S. doctoral program graduates were employed in Business fields, 8.5% in government, 6.5% in private non-profit fields, and 47.1 in higher education (OECD, 2009).

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Advice for First-Generation Graduate Students Those first-generation graduate students who offered their stories or testimonies for this project deserve some attention from this former professor in the form of advice either for them specifically or for other first-generation graduate students whose journeys to and in graduate school approximate or correspond to theirs. Although much of the content of this final chapter, and implied or explicit advice, is aimed at scholars, universities, and the faculty and administrators at these universities, graduate students themselves, particularly first-generation graduate students, might benefit from my reflection on both the testimonies offered in Chaps. 2 and 3 and my professional experience. For both populations, Master’s and doctoral students, as well as post-baccalaureate students in fields such as medicine and law, choice of university for graduate school is a critical step in the journey through graduate programs. This entails micro-decisions about location of the university (close to home or distant?), institutional type (public or private university?), which will have a bearing on both costs and student demographics, specific program at that university, which may or may not be a reflection of the student’s academic or research interests and career aspirations, and which faculty members will be suitable advisors. As well, graduate applicants to programs should consider the demographics of the students in the program (are these a match or would they allow a level of personal comfort?), demographics of the program’s faculty (do the faculty constitute a diverse body?) and academic credentials and achievements of the faculty (university for received degrees, publications, service records). As can be noted from the testimonies, pre-entrance actions to a graduate program could have modified and improved the experiences of the first-generation graduate students in their programs. Within the graduate program, issues including conflict with advisors and other faculty, isolation, and self-doubts require action. For conflict with advisors and other faculty, a third party, a faculty member who is not a party to the conflict or a university administrator (including a university ombudsperson), can serve as a disinterested listener or an arbiter of a dispute, or even a recommender for a solution. For students who experience isolation within a program, disclosure of this condition to a trusted faculty member or peer group can stave off a worsening condition or even alleviate the isolation itself. For students with self-doubts, validation from a faculty member can come from disclosure of these negative emotions,

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especially if the faculty member is trusted. As well, connection with other graduate students and discussion of these self-doubts can lead to the formation of a support group, even with students outside a particular program. Graduate school is or should be a community activity, and thus the formation of a community of peers or both peers and faculty can alleviate numerous problems and negative emotions experienced by graduate students. The community can become sub-communities, with writing groups established for theses and dissertations, study groups formed for oral and written examination, and groups of non-native English speakers for English language development.21 Although I have advised graduate students to avoid serious life changes during their programs because such alterations can affect program performance and even persistence, not all changes can be controlled. Graduate students experience personal or family illnesses, or family members or friends’ deaths, financial problems, or financial traumas such as loss of a supporting partner’s income or family bankruptcy, which may require students to take on employment or additional employment, or, as a result of a pandemic, be required to school family members, such as brothers or sisters or children. In such cases, time management is a critical element for graduate students, and often requires the assistance of graduate advisors and student affairs professionals. These student affairs professionals can aid in remedies for financial stress, a common issue for graduate students. Almost a third of the first-generation graduate students’ testimonies referred to financial stress, and several of these indicated considerable stress as they approached or participated in their graduate program. As noted in Vazquez and Cheney (2021), the burden of financial stress in graduate school can result in negative emotions and lead to depression. Mental health professionals may be required to help graduate students. Aside from advice to a general population of graduate students, specific advice is needed for individuals. As noted in the testimonies, each student has a different story and circumstance. Thus, although I state that graduate school is a community activity, individual differences also make 21  Several of my Master’s and doctoral students who were native Spanish speakers or native Mandarin speakers formed with me an English language study group, and together we worked on both English language written expression and academic conventions particular to English composition. This activity was group learning, which also included cultural learning of Mexico, China, and the U.S.

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graduate school a personal journey. The phenomenon of graduate school is a subjective experience.

Post-script As I write this book and this final chapter, I am cognizant that what I began to write—a much less personal account of first-generation graduate student experiences and a personal commentary on these experiences— has developed into a combination of the personal and the professional, or scholarly. As I delved deeper into the evidence for and the literature on the larger populations of graduate students and first-generation undergraduate and graduate students, I was struck by several problems. One problem was that there were limited data on these populations. A second problem was that the literature on graduate students had several holes or gaps: These gaps included examination of first-generation graduate students and of Master’s students. The third problem was that this literature on graduate students not only focused primarily on doctoral students but also ignored consideration of useful theories such as Intersectional theory (Crenshaw, 1991), and those that addressed specific variables, in particular race, did not consider the first-generation variable.22 This, then, should be a call to scholars and researchers and the need to both broaden and deepen research and scholarship on graduate students. Although as a retired professor, I will not engage in further research on this topic, I ask those in the field of higher education to give attention to this topic, with comparative studies (nationally and internationally), quantitative examinations (e.g., use of variables such as first-generation status and race and gender), and qualitative studies (e.g., use of observational and document data, such as texts and email), and ensure that Master’s students and professional program students are not ignored. Finally, I need to reference the time period for these student testimonies, all within the 2021–2022 period, which follows closely the initial period of the Coronavirus pandemic. During this period, I was teaching both graduate and undergraduate courses at the University of California, Riverside. I 22  A welcomed exception is Vazquez and Cheney’s (2021) Unveiling the psychological and emotional wounds of first-generation graduate students: A photovoice project, which at the time of my writing this was just submitted for review for a scholarly journal, and which may have reached publication by now. Although the number of graduate students involved is small, this is a fine start and suggests the need for a larger investigation.

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observed the considerable problems encountered by both undergraduate and graduate students, beginning in March 2020. Students in my classes encountered employment losses, family hardship, the stresses of relocation, including moving in with family, moving to Mexico and to other locations distant from the university, family illness and death, and personal illness such as Covid-19. Moreover, these students had to adapt to remote learning, Zoom platform primarily at my institution, and the technical problems that ensued. Students with children had to become teachers, employees, and students, and in many cases caregivers for parents and siblings as well. The effects of Covid-19 on college and university students could be long-term, including delay of program completion, drop out from college or university, employment plan alterations, and lack of social networks, among other outcomes. The students in Chaps. 2 and 3, with only a few exceptions, made no reference to Covid-19; however, we cannot discount the effects of Covid-19 on their graduate experiences, even though it is not clear if the majority discussed what they experienced prior to Covid-19.

References Austin, J., Cameron, T., Glass, M. Kosko, K., Marsh, F., Abdelmagid, R., & Burge,  P. (2009). First semester experiences of professionals transitioning to full-time doctoral study. College Student Affairs Journal, 27(2), 194–214. Baldridge, J. V., Riley, F. R., Adams, B., Najita, J., Naples, C., Schlesigner, S., & Thompson, J. A. (1981). Assessing the impact of faculty collective bargaining. AAHE-ERIC/Higher Education Research Report No. 8/The George Washington University. Ball, S. J. (2012a). Global education inc.: New policy networks and the neo-liberal imaginary. Routledge. Ball, S. J. (2012b). Performativity, commodification and commitment. An I-spy guide to the neoliberal university. British Journal of Educational Studies, 6(1), 17–28. Barnes, B.  J., & Austin, A.  E. (2009). The role of doctoral advisors: A look at advising from the advisor’s perspective. Innovative Higher Education, 33, 297–315. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10755-­008-­9084-­x Baum, S., & Steele, P. (2017). Who goes to graduate school and who succeeds? Access group. Blagg, K. (2018). The rise of Master’s degrees: Master’s degrees are increasingly diverse and online. Urban Institute. Bok, D. (2003). Universities in the marketplace: The commercialization of higher education. Princeton University Press.

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Index1

A Academic logic, 8, 13–15, 17, 19, 155–157, 167–172 Accommodation, 157, 160 Advisors, 27, 30, 31, 47, 51, 129–131, 134–136, 138, 147, 148, 160, 164–167, 171, 179, 184, 185 Analytical framework, 117–119, 145–146 Anti-immigrant sentiment, 135 Anti-immigration, 70 Authority, 153, 154 B Business logic/market logic/ neoliberal logic, 13–16, 155, 157, 167–171

C Careers, 159, 160, 163, 172, 175–177, 175n8, 175n9, 179, 180, 184 Caring environment, 173, 177–181, 183 Cognitive dissonance, 51 Community, 154, 158, 159, 163–165, 167, 169, 175, 176, 179, 180, 185 Covid-19, 109, 139, 161, 183, 187 Critical race theory (CRT), 126, 127 D Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program (DACA), 60, 62 Deportation, 129

 Note: Page numbers followed by ‘n’ refer to notes.

1

© The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2022 J. S. Levin, Pathways and Experiences of First-Generation Graduate Students, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-16808-6

205

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INDEX

Development, 126, 130, 133, 135, 136, 139, 140, 144, 145 Disability, 93 Disadvantage, 139, 140 Disconnection, Dissonance, and De-motivation, 163–164 Discrimination, 126–128, 132, 143 Dissertation writing, 27, 30, 31, 38 Doctoral students, 153, 158–160, 162, 164, 167, 168, 171, 175–177, 175n9, 179n16, 184, 185n21, 186 E English as a second language, 76, 96 F Faculty, 122, 131, 134, 135, 138, 149, 153–155, 153n1, 156n3, 157–161, 163–168, 170, 172, 172n5, 174–176, 174n7, 175n8, 176n11, 178–180, 182n18, 183–185 Faculty engagement, 154–161, 163–168, 170, 172, 174–185 Financial stress, 185 First-generation graduate students, 1–22, 26, 53, 118–146, 134n1, 148, 149, 154, 156, 157, 159, 161–182, 179n16, 182n18, 182n19, 184–186, 186n22 First-generation students, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8–12, 14–17, 19, 20, 22, 154, 161, 165, 172, 177, 178, 181, 183 G Graduate Record Examination (GRE), 37, 38 Graduate school, 154, 155, 157–170, 173–186, 175n8, 175n9

Graduate students, 2–8, 10, 12, 17, 18, 20–22 Graduate students of color, 126–128, 159 H Heredity, 119, 141–145 I Identity and Identity theory, 59, 64, 66, 67, 70, 71, 78, 80, 81, 83, 84, 91, 100, 101, 108, 111, 112, 115, 117–149 Immigrants, 120–123, 126, 128, 129, 140–144, 146, 147 Imposter syndrome, 59, 79, 131, 133 Institutionalism, 12–18 Institutional logic(s), 2–4, 2n1, 12, 13, 154–157, 168 International graduate students, 160, 161, 182 International students, 106–108, 132, 141 Intersectional theory, 118, 119 L Latinx graduate students, 159 Latinx populations, 36 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning [LGBTQ+] graduate students, 160 LGBTQ+ identity, 145 Logic of social inclusion, 156, 157 M Marginalization, 164–165 Master’s students, 160, 163–167, 171, 175, 176, 183, 186 Medical school, 32, 35–36

 INDEX 

Mental health, 59, 62, 67, 93, 112 Mentor and mentoring, 64, 65, 73, 77, 83, 87, 103 Mentors, 163, 164, 166, 167, 175n9, 178 Minoritized populations, 131, 142 Montero Hernandez, V, 162 Motivation, 33, 47, 49, 56–58, 72, 75, 79, 82, 91, 110, 113, 117, 122, 129, 147, 148, 163–165 N Narrative accounts/testimonio, 25n1 Native American graduate students, 159 Negative emotions, 163–165, 177n14, 184, 185 Neoliberalism, 118 Neoliberal logic, 8, 13, 20 Neoliberal values and practices, 172–175 New managerialism, 155 Nontraditional students, 31, 56, 72, 100n7, 109n9 Non-verification of identity, 66 P Pathways, 120, 129, 130, 136, 137, 145, 148 Person-environment fit, 119, 122 Push-pull phenomenon, 142, 143 R Resilience, 72, 76, 113 Role, 118–120, 124–126, 130–132, 134n1, 139, 146, 147

207

S Self, 119–121, 125, 127, 141 Self-efficacy, 117, 121, 139 Self-esteem, 125, 126, 144 Self-perception, 123–125, 135, 138, 139 Socialization, 16, 17, 27, 158, 172, 174–177 Social structure, 121, 125, 128, 132–135, 140 Stereotypes, 119, 121, 125, 127, 131 Students, 153–187 Students of color, 3, 7–9, 9n3, 15, 16, 20 T Teachers, 118, 124, 130, 137, 144, 146, 149 Theory of justice, 74n5 Trust, 178 U Under-represented populations, 15, 16 Undocumented, 60–62, 69, 77, 111–113 Undocumented student, 122, 145 V Validation, 47 Validation theory, 68 W Women graduate students, 159, 160 Working class, 124 Writing, 157, 162, 166, 169, 170, 173, 178, 185, 186n22