One Sleeve [Carr, 1 ed.] 9780982010594

Citation preview

The very first poem announces that Carr will not be playing by the rules. ―He thinks of himself in the third person / except sometimes when he talks. // I talk between people. / I aim for the space between passersby.‖ Breaking the rules allows the narrator to speak with/as a protean voice that makes him always multiple, inciting us—we passersby—into remaining, like One Sleeve, ―awake, counting beams of snowlight / hovering in the slats of the blinds.‖ – H. L. Hix, author of First Fire, Then Birds

Evening Street Press

Evening Street Press

One Sleeve

one sleeve

Carr’s narrator picks scabs off his philosophical wounds while his alter ego, ―One Sleeve,‖ attempts to make sense of a fractured universe. ―Irony is the new certainty,‖ declares Carr’s ambivalent speaker, caught between the physical sensations and philosophical problems of this world and the next. – David Hulm, Kirkwood Community College, Iowa City

Richard Carr

Richard Carr’s brilliant fifth book, One Sleeve, collects all the resonating themes of his earlier work, turbocharges them, and demands that the reader, stripped of all pretense, illusion, and self-pity, face the human condition of our time. From these dark poems shine great beauty and a strange, tentative-yet-tough kindness, while simile and lyricism transform each poem into a mythology that is both frightening and comforting. – Nancy White, author of Sun, Moon, Salt and Detour

Poems by Richard Carr

Dublin, OH

Evening Street Press

ONE SLEEVE

ONE SLEEVE

RICHARD CARR

RICHARD CARR

EVENING STREET PRESS

EVENING STREET PRESS

DUBLIN, OHIO

DUBLIN, OHIO

EVENING STREET PRESS

EVENING STREET PRESS

FEBRUARY, 2011

FEBRUARY, 2011

DUBLIN, OHIO

DUBLIN, OHIO

© COPYRIGHT 2011 RICHARD CARR.

© COPYRIGHT 2011 RICHARD CARR.

ISBN: 978-0-9820105-9-4

ISBN: 978-0-9820105-9-4

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

WWW.EVENINGSTREETPRESS.COM

WWW.EVENINGSTREETPRESS.COM

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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

TABLE OF CONTENTS One Sleeve Goes to the Park to Think One Sleeve Doesn’t Believe in Hell God Is Angry with Me One Sleeve Doesn’t Believe in God One Sleeve Washes His Hands of God I Would Like a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich One Sleeve Is Perturbed by Time in the Winter There Is a Deeper Hush in the New Library One Sleeve’s Volition Slouches Like a Drunk One Sleeve’s Moral Consciousness Is a Work of Art I Am a Human Chess Piece in the Park I Watch a Dollar Bill Swirl Down the Sewer One Sleeve Does Not Feel Loneliness One Sleeve Does Not Admit the Existence of Any Truth I Believe in Ghosts One Sleeve Knows Pi to One Hundred Digits One Sleeve Limps Under the Weight of Being I Swelter in a Fever of Decay One Sleeve Is Not Afraid of Death I Contemplate Suicide the Way Kids Contemplate Summer One Sleeve Falls in Love Gradually The Art Museum Is a Tomb of Good Intentions I Hide in the Boiler Room When the Telephone Rings One Sleeve Likes His Egg Salad Sandwich Without Egg I Hope to See My Father in the Afterlife One Sleeve Can’t Imagine an Afterlife One Sleeve Thinks the Ground of Being Is Farcical One Sleeve’s Certainty Is Absolute, A Silk Pocket Square One Sleeve Remembers His Friend in College God’s Universe Explodes in the Planetarium

TABLE OF CONTENTS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

One Sleeve Goes to the Park to Think One Sleeve Doesn’t Believe in Hell God Is Angry with Me One Sleeve Doesn’t Believe in God One Sleeve Washes His Hands of God I Would Like a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich One Sleeve Is Perturbed by Time in the Winter There Is a Deeper Hush in the New Library One Sleeve’s Volition Slouches Like a Drunk One Sleeve’s Moral Consciousness Is a Work of Art I Am a Human Chess Piece in the Park I Watch a Dollar Bill Swirl Down the Sewer One Sleeve Does Not Feel Loneliness One Sleeve Does Not Admit the Existence of Any Truth I Believe in Ghosts One Sleeve Knows Pi to One Hundred Digits One Sleeve Limps Under the Weight of Being I Swelter in a Fever of Decay One Sleeve Is Not Afraid of Death I Contemplate Suicide the Way Kids Contemplate Summer One Sleeve Falls in Love Gradually The Art Museum Is a Tomb of Good Intentions I Hide in the Boiler Room When the Telephone Rings One Sleeve Likes His Egg Salad Sandwich Without Egg I Hope to See My Father in the Afterlife One Sleeve Can’t Imagine an Afterlife One Sleeve Thinks the Ground of Being Is Farcical One Sleeve’s Certainty Is Absolute, A Silk Pocket Square One Sleeve Remembers His Friend in College God’s Universe Explodes in the Planetarium

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

One Sleeve Believes in Evolution I Borrow a White Shirt, Borrow Buttons One Sleeve Considers Speech a Validation of the Irrelevant One Sleeve Is Looking for Something to Believe The Elephant Hides Behind Her Long, Shy Eyelashes My Beliefs Walk with a Slight Limp One Sleeve Stands in Front of the Cathedral Looking Up I Foresee the Squalor of My Old Age Time Infuriates One Sleeve At the Concert in the Park One Sleeve Recognizes Strangers I Work Through My Nightly Equations Quickly I Want My God Back I Was an Enchanted Child The Marathoners Fill the Avenue at Mile Twelve One Sleeve Does Not Cry for Help One Sleeve Trivializes Time I Feel Helpless in a Cab The Lights Stay Up in the Concert Hall One Sleeve Needs to Think One Sleeve Loses His Balance Standing Next to a Horse I Look Down the Subway Stair in the Rain One Sleeve’s Curiosity Boils in a Pot The Exposed Drain Pipe in the Kitchen Bears My Weight One Sleeve Stands on a Hot Tennis Court, Evaporating One Sleeve Does Not Plan for Retirement One Sleeve’s Morning Routine Is Efficient One Sleeve Redecorates for the Last Time I Can’t Afford the Full Price of an Operatic Death Dirty Laundry Does Not Anger One Sleeve One Sleeve Goes to the Park for the Crabapple Blossoms

31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60

One Sleeve Believes in Evolution I Borrow a White Shirt, Borrow Buttons One Sleeve Considers Speech a Validation of the Irrelevant One Sleeve Is Looking for Something to Believe The Elephant Hides Behind Her Long, Shy Eyelashes My Beliefs Walk with a Slight Limp One Sleeve Stands in Front of the Cathedral Looking Up I Foresee the Squalor of My Old Age Time Infuriates One Sleeve At the Concert in the Park One Sleeve Recognizes Strangers I Work Through My Nightly Equations Quickly I Want My God Back I Was an Enchanted Child The Marathoners Fill the Avenue at Mile Twelve One Sleeve Does Not Cry for Help One Sleeve Trivializes Time I Feel Helpless in a Cab The Lights Stay Up in the Concert Hall One Sleeve Needs to Think One Sleeve Loses His Balance Standing Next to a Horse I Look Down the Subway Stair in the Rain One Sleeve’s Curiosity Boils in a Pot The Exposed Drain Pipe in the Kitchen Bears My Weight One Sleeve Stands on a Hot Tennis Court, Evaporating One Sleeve Does Not Plan for Retirement One Sleeve’s Morning Routine Is Efficient One Sleeve Redecorates for the Last Time I Can’t Afford the Full Price of an Operatic Death Dirty Laundry Does Not Anger One Sleeve One Sleeve Goes to the Park for the Crabapple Blossoms

31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60

1

1

ONE SLEEVE GOES TO THE PARK TO THINK

ONE SLEEVE GOES TO THE PARK TO THINK

One Sleeve goes to the park to think. Sitting on a green bench

One Sleeve goes to the park to think. Sitting on a green bench

or standing like a tree, he is always thinking,

or standing like a tree, he is always thinking,

like a watch that never stops, a TV never turned off.

like a watch that never stops, a TV never turned off.

He thinks of himself in the third person except sometimes when he talks.

He thinks of himself in the third person except sometimes when he talks.

I talk between people. I aim for the space between passersby.

I talk between people. I aim for the space between passersby.

If they look and say What? One Sleeve puts his head down.

If they look and say What? One Sleeve puts his head down.

1

1

2

2

ONE SLEEVE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN HELL

ONE SLEEVE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN HELL

One Sleeve doesn’t believe in Hell although he maintains a prudent fear of it—

One Sleeve doesn’t believe in Hell although he maintains a prudent fear of it—

an act, one way or the other. I’m not acting.

an act, one way or the other. I’m not acting.

I’m afraid of the people in the apartment above me who dance,

I’m afraid of the people in the apartment above me who dance,

thumping the floor to blurred music on Thursday nights

thumping the floor to blurred music on Thursday nights

while conducting loud conversations with clanking restaurant-noises

while conducting loud conversations with clanking restaurant-noises

and bursts of laughter that shake me like gunfire.

and bursts of laughter that shake me like gunfire.

One Sleeve despises the rude louts. I’m nervous, dog nervous.

One Sleeve despises the rude louts. I’m nervous, dog nervous.

I don’t know what to believe. Once in a movie theater I fell asleep,

I don’t know what to believe. Once in a movie theater I fell asleep,

and I was a character in the movie. The others were talking to me,

and I was a character in the movie. The others were talking to me,

but I didn’t know my lines. That’s how nervous I am on Thursday nights.

but I didn’t know my lines. That’s how nervous I am on Thursday nights.

One Sleeve scoffs. They will suffer wild excruciations in Hell.

One Sleeve scoffs. They will suffer wild excruciations in Hell.

And now I see them dancing in fire above me, all those characters in the movies.

And now I see them dancing in fire above me, all those characters in the movies.

2

2

3

3

GOD IS ANGRY WITH ME

GOD IS ANGRY WITH ME

God is angry with me. The oversized lawn tractors mowing the park

God is angry with me. The oversized lawn tractors mowing the park

circle the trees at full tilt like outlaw cowboys

circle the trees at full tilt like outlaw cowboys

terrorizing the townspeople. I’m next

terrorizing the townspeople. I’m next

unless I uproot my feet and move away. One Sleeve is thinking.

unless I uproot my feet and move away. One Sleeve is thinking.

He’s not going to move for anyone, least of all God playing cowboy.

He’s not going to move for anyone, least of all God playing cowboy.

3

3

4

4

ONE SLEEVE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN GOD

ONE SLEEVE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN GOD

One Sleeve doesn’t believe in God. He knows this angers God.

One Sleeve doesn’t believe in God. He knows this angers God.

I talk to Him. I pray.

I talk to Him. I pray.

One Sleeve humors the Supreme Being. I know this angers God.

One Sleeve humors the Supreme Being. I know this angers God.

After getting into bed and pulling the covers up to my neck,

After getting into bed and pulling the covers up to my neck,

I say my prayers, explaining all the events of the day

I say my prayers, explaining all the events of the day

until I fall asleep. One Sleeve dreams he can fly.

until I fall asleep. One Sleeve dreams he can fly.

He soars like an angel. I feel like God, kind of angry.

He soars like an angel. I feel like God, kind of angry.

4

4

5

5

ONE SLEEVE WASHES HIS HANDS OF GOD

ONE SLEEVE WASHES HIS HANDS OF GOD

One Sleeve washes his hands of God. I’m terrified.

One Sleeve washes his hands of God. I’m terrified.

One Sleeve understands the stars in their billions. He looks into the night sky

One Sleeve understands the stars in their billions. He looks into the night sky

and comprehends. I do not comprehend God,

and comprehends. I do not comprehend God,

his vengeful and almighty power to do nothing,

his vengeful and almighty power to do nothing,

and I wash my hands twenty-five times a day, searching the bathroom mirror

and I wash my hands twenty-five times a day, searching the bathroom mirror

with blacked eyes. One Sleeve knows: Enough is enough.

with blacked eyes. One Sleeve knows: Enough is enough.

5

5

6

6

I WOULD LIKE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH

I WOULD LIKE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH

I would like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, sweet and soft like all the good things in life,

I would like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, sweet and soft like all the good things in life,

Mother for example. One Sleeve thinks the dead taste like dirt.

Mother for example. One Sleeve thinks the dead taste like dirt.

I only want a nice lunch on a paper plate,

I only want a nice lunch on a paper plate,

on a tablecloth checkered blue and white in my perfect kitchenette.

on a tablecloth checkered blue and white in my perfect kitchenette.

One Sleeve is interested in the fuzz under the refrigerator, that layer of gritty felt,

One Sleeve is interested in the fuzz under the refrigerator, that layer of gritty felt,

and crouches like a rabbit to sniff the dust and crumbs and hair

and crouches like a rabbit to sniff the dust and crumbs and hair

and draw out samples with the flat of his hand to taste.

and draw out samples with the flat of his hand to taste.

One Sleeve thinks everything tastes like dirt ultimately.

One Sleeve thinks everything tastes like dirt ultimately.

I finish my sandwich with dirty hands. It tastes like Mother.

I finish my sandwich with dirty hands. It tastes like Mother.

6

6

7

7

ONE SLEEVE IS PERTURBED BY TIME IN THE WINTER

ONE SLEEVE IS PERTURBED BY TIME IN THE WINTER

One Sleeve is perturbed by time in the winter and kicks the ticking radiator

One Sleeve is perturbed by time in the winter and kicks the ticking radiator

for counting too slowly and then too fast.

for counting too slowly and then too fast.

On a cold night, he keeps heavy boots by the bed. When the snow falls and the radiator gurgles,

On a cold night, he keeps heavy boots by the bed. When the snow falls and the radiator gurgles,

time halts entirely. No amount of kicking will save him.

time halts entirely. No amount of kicking will save him.

I remain awake, counting beams of snowlight hovering in the slats of the blinds,

I remain awake, counting beams of snowlight hovering in the slats of the blinds,

waiting for the timid ticking to resume. One Sleeve slumps in dumbfounded slumber.

waiting for the timid ticking to resume. One Sleeve slumps in dumbfounded slumber.

7

7

8

8

THERE IS A DEEPER HUSH IN THE NEW LIBRARY

THERE IS A DEEPER HUSH IN THE NEW LIBRARY

There is a deeper hush in the new library, a new technology,

There is a deeper hush in the new library, a new technology,

and a darker librarian. I read more quietly than ever.

and a darker librarian. I read more quietly than ever.

Civilizations still topple but without the rumbling and cracking of stone,

Civilizations still topple but without the rumbling and cracking of stone,

and the invading armies march, as always, but with softer boots.

and the invading armies march, as always, but with softer boots.

The video footage is muted, tacit. One Sleeve makes subtitles

The video footage is muted, tacit. One Sleeve makes subtitles

out of book jackets, cutting and pasting.

out of book jackets, cutting and pasting.

They read like manifestoes. I squirm in my wooden chair.

They read like manifestoes. I squirm in my wooden chair.

I squirm in a plastic chair, courtroom decor in every room

I squirm in a plastic chair, courtroom decor in every room

and all the books nefarious. The magistrates look down from their desks.

and all the books nefarious. The magistrates look down from their desks.

One Sleeve is a radical at his computer, cutting and pasting,

One Sleeve is a radical at his computer, cutting and pasting,

a dissident writing his own narrative, anarchist, nihilist,

a dissident writing his own narrative, anarchist, nihilist,

clacking louder and louder on the keyboard. I should say something,

clacking louder and louder on the keyboard. I should say something,

but I am obedient. The librarians are coming for him.

but I am obedient. The librarians are coming for him.

I sit silently, frozen, fingers curled over the keys.

I sit silently, frozen, fingers curled over the keys.

8

8

9

9

ONE SLEEVE’S VOLITION SLOUCHES LIKE A DRUNK

ONE SLEEVE’S VOLITION SLOUCHES LIKE A DRUNK

One Sleeve’s volition slouches like a drunk waiting to cross the street,

One Sleeve’s volition slouches like a drunk waiting to cross the street,

an arm wrapped around the lamppost like an old friend.

an arm wrapped around the lamppost like an old friend.

The Walk Don’t-Walk light changes my mind every thirty seconds,

The Walk Don’t-Walk light changes my mind every thirty seconds,

thrilling! One Sleeve is not disturbed.

thrilling! One Sleeve is not disturbed.

A satyr tasting a dark plum, he contemplates his next move.

A satyr tasting a dark plum, he contemplates his next move.

9

9

10

10

ONE SLEEVE’S MORAL CONSCIOUSNESS IS A WORK OF ART

ONE SLEEVE’S MORAL CONSCIOUSNESS IS A WORK OF ART

One Sleeve’s moral consciousness is a work of art: incomprehensible.

One Sleeve’s moral consciousness is a work of art: incomprehensible.

A dazzling lake of summer, a blank snowscape—

A dazzling lake of summer, a blank snowscape—

he has not decided. He adds minute dabs of color,

he has not decided. He adds minute dabs of color,

leaning this way and that. I suck the wooden tip of my brush.

leaning this way and that. I suck the wooden tip of my brush.

I’ll paint a rustic cabin and a fisherman on the dock. Or a pine forest with a gray wolf in a blizzard.

I’ll paint a rustic cabin and a fisherman on the dock. Or a pine forest with a gray wolf in a blizzard.

I can’t decide. One Sleeve thinks representational art is a moral smokescreen,

I can’t decide. One Sleeve thinks representational art is a moral smokescreen,

easy to see through. He scrapes paint off the canvas.

easy to see through. He scrapes paint off the canvas.

He scrapes the fibers of the canvas until only diaphanous shreds and white dust remain

He scrapes the fibers of the canvas until only diaphanous shreds and white dust remain

to represent his moral ideal. I paint an abandoned cabin

to represent his moral ideal. I paint an abandoned cabin

with tattered curtains in the window and snow falling lightly on the sill.

with tattered curtains in the window and snow falling lightly on the sill.

10

10

11

11

I AM A HUMAN CHESS PIECE IN THE PARK

I AM A HUMAN CHESS PIECE IN THE PARK

I am a human chess piece in the park. I stand contentedly in my square

I am a human chess piece in the park. I stand contentedly in my square

until called forward or driven into retreat.

until called forward or driven into retreat.

One Sleeve observes impatiently. He does not trust chess masters.

One Sleeve observes impatiently. He does not trust chess masters.

He appreciates their willingness to sacrifice. He understands their love of pawn structures.

He appreciates their willingness to sacrifice. He understands their love of pawn structures.

But he does not relish a victory— so many decisions

But he does not relish a victory— so many decisions

and so little outcome. No suffering, no death, no hope.

and so little outcome. No suffering, no death, no hope.

I’m glad it’s just a game. I walk off the board anytime.

I’m glad it’s just a game. I walk off the board anytime.

Followed by bulging eyes and angry murmuring at the merest disruption of play,

Followed by bulging eyes and angry murmuring at the merest disruption of play,

One Sleeve walks away disgruntled and righteous: The insanity of the masters is evident.

One Sleeve walks away disgruntled and righteous: The insanity of the masters is evident.

11

11

12

12

I WATCH A DOLLAR BILL SWIRL DOWN THE SEWER

I WATCH A DOLLAR BILL SWIRL DOWN THE SEWER

I watch a dollar bill swirl down the sewer. It was my only dollar,

I watch a dollar bill swirl down the sewer. It was my only dollar,

blown from my fingers in a gust of rain, and the vendor snatched back his newspaper.

blown from my fingers in a gust of rain, and the vendor snatched back his newspaper.

I’ve seen how dollars are made, in secluded factories with mammoth presses thundering full bore

I’ve seen how dollars are made, in secluded factories with mammoth presses thundering full bore

and slaves and slave masters and dark lords who all work twenty-four hours a day

and slaves and slave masters and dark lords who all work twenty-four hours a day

and never speak. I can do without a newspaper

and never speak. I can do without a newspaper

under the circumstances. One Sleeve grabs one and runs.

under the circumstances. One Sleeve grabs one and runs.

12

12

13

13

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT FEEL LONELINESS

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT FEEL LONELINESS

One Sleeve does not feel loneliness. He’s too busy thinking.

One Sleeve does not feel loneliness. He’s too busy thinking.

He thinks all day in the sun downtown. At the crazy deli counter

He thinks all day in the sun downtown. At the crazy deli counter

I shake one finger in the air and babble like a stock trader for my pastrami and Swiss on a bagel.

I shake one finger in the air and babble like a stock trader for my pastrami and Swiss on a bagel.

Outside in the clanking, honking street, in the flow of lunchtime pedestrian traffic,

Outside in the clanking, honking street, in the flow of lunchtime pedestrian traffic,

I eat and walk. One Sleeve’s mind flows with people.

I eat and walk. One Sleeve’s mind flows with people.

They all have a dab of mustard on their lips, a little to the left.

They all have a dab of mustard on their lips, a little to the left.

It rains, and they lift their faces into the shower

It rains, and they lift their faces into the shower

and lick away the mustard. They are strange to each other

and lick away the mustard. They are strange to each other

but not to One Sleeve who regards their expressions fondly when the sun suddenly returns.

but not to One Sleeve who regards their expressions fondly when the sun suddenly returns.

13

13

14

14

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT ADMIT THE EXISTENCE OF ANY TRUTH

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT ADMIT THE EXISTENCE OF ANY TRUTH

One Sleeve does not admit the existence of any truth. Lies are real—inky, indelible—but truth is a hoax.

One Sleeve does not admit the existence of any truth. Lies are real—inky, indelible—but truth is a hoax.

On a job application he writes that he dropped out of college, left his last job without notice,

On a job application he writes that he dropped out of college, left his last job without notice,

and stole yellow sticky pads from the supply cabinet. In the inevitable interview,

and stole yellow sticky pads from the supply cabinet. In the inevitable interview,

he is at a loss to explain himself. I expose the lies,

he is at a loss to explain himself. I expose the lies,

but the truth is a rush and I fall over backward in my chair.

but the truth is a rush and I fall over backward in my chair.

14

14

15

15

I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

I believe in ghosts, souls eternally feeding on dry toast for breakfast.

I believe in ghosts, souls eternally feeding on dry toast for breakfast.

They pour coffee. Watch TV.

They pour coffee. Watch TV.

Munch toast. One Sleeve believes in ghosts

Munch toast. One Sleeve believes in ghosts

who can’t remember their unfinished business, why they are punished.

who can’t remember their unfinished business, why they are punished.

He moves the salt and pepper shakers like chessmen. Tapping on the checkered tablecloth,

He moves the salt and pepper shakers like chessmen. Tapping on the checkered tablecloth,

the salt is a white knight cantering two squares forward, one right.

the salt is a white knight cantering two squares forward, one right.

The pepper is a bishop floating diagonally across the table as far as the arm can reach.

The pepper is a bishop floating diagonally across the table as far as the arm can reach.

One Sleeve has all day for this. I bite my toast in shame.

One Sleeve has all day for this. I bite my toast in shame.

15

15

16

16

ONE SLEEVE KNOWS PI TO ONE HUNDRED DIGITS

ONE SLEEVE KNOWS PI TO ONE HUNDRED DIGITS

One Sleeve knows pi to one hundred digits and recites them in the morning

One Sleeve knows pi to one hundred digits and recites them in the morning

like the Pledge of Allegiance. I brush my teeth endlessly.

like the Pledge of Allegiance. I brush my teeth endlessly.

Spattering foam onto the mirror, I count stars in the milky constellations.

Spattering foam onto the mirror, I count stars in the milky constellations.

I count the row of border tiles on the wall. I think of parked cars on my street.

I count the row of border tiles on the wall. I think of parked cars on my street.

I count the shower curtain rings and think of satellite dishes across the rooftops.

I count the shower curtain rings and think of satellite dishes across the rooftops.

Standing too long, head cocked like a dog listening to music,

Standing too long, head cocked like a dog listening to music,

I bend over the sink to shave, spine twinging in resistance,

I bend over the sink to shave, spine twinging in resistance,

and scrape the razor upward on my neck in a rude gesture.

and scrape the razor upward on my neck in a rude gesture.

I rinse my face with hot water and think of seashells in white sand.

I rinse my face with hot water and think of seashells in white sand.

One Sleeve recites pi rapidly. I comb my hair in three strokes.

One Sleeve recites pi rapidly. I comb my hair in three strokes.

16

16

17

17

ONE SLEEVE LIMPS UNDER THE WEIGHT OF BEING

ONE SLEEVE LIMPS UNDER THE WEIGHT OF BEING

One Sleeve limps under the weight of being. Two heavy grocery sacks

One Sleeve limps under the weight of being. Two heavy grocery sacks

pull his arms toward the pavement, his chin straining upward.

pull his arms toward the pavement, his chin straining upward.

His knees trembled in the produce section among the misted apples and wet lettuce heads,

His knees trembled in the produce section among the misted apples and wet lettuce heads,

and he touched everything—onion skin, tangerine, splintery wooden crate, silvery hanging scale.

and he touched everything—onion skin, tangerine, splintery wooden crate, silvery hanging scale.

Two full sacks, six blocks home, his arms tremble with knowledge, the flesh crushed,

Two full sacks, six blocks home, his arms tremble with knowledge, the flesh crushed,

and cramps climb up and down his legs like heavy-clawed lizards. Unsteadily

and cramps climb up and down his legs like heavy-clawed lizards. Unsteadily

he unlocks the apartment door. I am ill.

he unlocks the apartment door. I am ill.

17

17

18

18

I SWELTER IN A FEVER OF DECAY

I SWELTER IN A FEVER OF DECAY

I swelter in a fever of decay. The molecules of me hold hands bravely.

I swelter in a fever of decay. The molecules of me hold hands bravely.

One Sleeve has the strength of an ape. His hot breath smells of tea and sugar.

One Sleeve has the strength of an ape. His hot breath smells of tea and sugar.

I am dry. The bed fills with sloughed off skin.

I am dry. The bed fills with sloughed off skin.

Loose hairs curl in my eye sockets. I remember hot summers mowing lawns.

Loose hairs curl in my eye sockets. I remember hot summers mowing lawns.

I sweat through the sheets, through the mattress, melting like a candy bar.

I sweat through the sheets, through the mattress, melting like a candy bar.

This is how I want to die, like a bouillon cube dissolving in hot water,

This is how I want to die, like a bouillon cube dissolving in hot water,

my body sinking in a warm lake. Fading into sleep, dream,

my body sinking in a warm lake. Fading into sleep, dream,

erotic pleasures and terrors, One Sleeve sweats like a concrete wall.

erotic pleasures and terrors, One Sleeve sweats like a concrete wall.

18

18

19

19

ONE SLEEVE IS NOT AFRAID OF DEATH

ONE SLEEVE IS NOT AFRAID OF DEATH

One Sleeve is not afraid of death. It’s the state of nonbeing after death

One Sleeve is not afraid of death. It’s the state of nonbeing after death

that troubles him. One Sleeve will miss having himself around.

that troubles him. One Sleeve will miss having himself around.

I’m going to miss having Beethoven around, LP records, old piano scores,

I’m going to miss having Beethoven around, LP records, old piano scores,

the clok clok of the metronome, my hand twitching like a dead insect.

the clok clok of the metronome, my hand twitching like a dead insect.

My room too small for a piano, too quiet for music, I no longer play.

My room too small for a piano, too quiet for music, I no longer play.

And so the heart quits beating. The blood stops flowing.

And so the heart quits beating. The blood stops flowing.

The brain ceases to compute and command. Without stimulus or impulse,

The brain ceases to compute and command. Without stimulus or impulse,

the light of the mind scatters. The sparks of the evening’s last firework fall.

the light of the mind scatters. The sparks of the evening’s last firework fall.

In darkness lie memories in motionless pools, unremembered.

In darkness lie memories in motionless pools, unremembered.

The fingers stop twitching. One Sleeve is afraid of this.

The fingers stop twitching. One Sleeve is afraid of this.

19

19

20

20

I CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE THE WAY KIDS CONTEMPLATE THE END OF SUMMER

I CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE THE WAY KIDS CONTEMPLATE THE END OF SUMMER

I contemplate suicide the way kids contemplate the end of summer: I count the days.

I contemplate suicide the way kids contemplate the end of summer: I count the days.

Instead of riding a bicycle or swimming in the public pool, I eat green apples.

Instead of riding a bicycle or swimming in the public pool, I eat green apples.

I collect acorn caps in my cupped palm like alms.

I collect acorn caps in my cupped palm like alms.

There is not enough to save for the future. One Sleeve stands near the hot dog vendor.

There is not enough to save for the future. One Sleeve stands near the hot dog vendor.

Green paint peels from the park bench like a fungus. The park board do not answer his thistly letters.

Green paint peels from the park bench like a fungus. The park board do not answer his thistly letters.

The pigeons search nervously for hot dog crumbs. One Sleeve contemplates: This will end badly.

The pigeons search nervously for hot dog crumbs. One Sleeve contemplates: This will end badly.

20

20

21

21

ONE SLEEVE FALLS IN LOVE GRADUALLY

ONE SLEEVE FALLS IN LOVE GRADUALLY

One Sleeve falls in love gradually. Cigarette butts accumulate on the pavement

One Sleeve falls in love gradually. Cigarette butts accumulate on the pavement

around the base of the trash can like caterpillars marching to and fro,

around the base of the trash can like caterpillars marching to and fro,

gathering steadily until it’s obvious: One Sleeve is in love with a bicycle taxi,

gathering steadily until it’s obvious: One Sleeve is in love with a bicycle taxi,

the girl pedaling, her beautiful strong arms welded to the handlebars,

the girl pedaling, her beautiful strong arms welded to the handlebars,

and the contraption itself, the bicycle chain a black slick greasy love-chain.

and the contraption itself, the bicycle chain a black slick greasy love-chain.

One Sleeve flicks his cigarette into the air. The chain pulls him forward.

One Sleeve flicks his cigarette into the air. The chain pulls him forward.

I hold back and scrounge the ground for a smokable butt.

I hold back and scrounge the ground for a smokable butt.

21

21

22

22

THE ART MUSEUM IS A TOMB OF GOOD INTENTIONS

THE ART MUSEUM IS A TOMB OF GOOD INTENTIONS

The art museum is a tomb of good intentions and flawless air.

The art museum is a tomb of good intentions and flawless air.

One Sleeve walks fast through the galleries, his hair fluttering behind him like two little bird wings.

One Sleeve walks fast through the galleries, his hair fluttering behind him like two little bird wings.

He gropes feasts with his nose, slips on sidewalks with his eyes.

He gropes feasts with his nose, slips on sidewalks with his eyes.

There are no sounds but the tapping of feet. I stand, slack,

There are no sounds but the tapping of feet. I stand, slack,

and stare at the wall. How easy for a madman with a razor

and stare at the wall. How easy for a madman with a razor

to approach a canvas, to slice across a wrist,

to approach a canvas, to slice across a wrist,

the man, blinking, suddenly exquisite and precious

the man, blinking, suddenly exquisite and precious

like a painted image of a man. My love is wasted here.

like a painted image of a man. My love is wasted here.

22

22

23

23

I HIDE IN THE BOILER ROOM WHEN THE TELEPHONE RINGS

I HIDE IN THE BOILER ROOM WHEN THE TELEPHONE RINGS

I hide in the boiler room when the telephone rings and hunch like a pin-cushion cat

I hide in the boiler room when the telephone rings and hunch like a pin-cushion cat

among the ventilation ducts, hot water pipes, old wiring, a slowly turning fan,

among the ventilation ducts, hot water pipes, old wiring, a slowly turning fan,

the building infused from its roots with heavy pulses of power

the building infused from its roots with heavy pulses of power

drawn from the earth itself, the dark, wet clay ready to take back what we borrowed

drawn from the earth itself, the dark, wet clay ready to take back what we borrowed

and the bedrock below it cracking open in the ooze

and the bedrock below it cracking open in the ooze

to suck down the frightened soul. The phone rings.

to suck down the frightened soul. The phone rings.

One Sleeve answers but does not speak. He listens,

One Sleeve answers but does not speak. He listens,

hiding his breath, until the voice exhausts its curiosity

hiding his breath, until the voice exhausts its curiosity

and follows its hunger elsewhere. An electric click signals all-clear.

and follows its hunger elsewhere. An electric click signals all-clear.

I loosen my shoulders and lick the spoon I was holding.

I loosen my shoulders and lick the spoon I was holding.

23

23

24

24

ONE SLEEVE LIKES HIS EGG SALAD SANDWICH WITHOUT EGG

ONE SLEEVE LIKES HIS EGG SALAD SANDWICH WITHOUT EGG

One Sleeve likes his egg salad sandwich without egg. He denies the existence of egg in egg salad.

One Sleeve likes his egg salad sandwich without egg. He denies the existence of egg in egg salad.

I unfold my wrapped lunch deep in the park on a cool day by a spurting fountain of nymphs and monsters,

I unfold my wrapped lunch deep in the park on a cool day by a spurting fountain of nymphs and monsters,

a troupe of school children dipping their hands, not old enough to see the coins

a troupe of school children dipping their hands, not old enough to see the coins

glinting in clear, sunny water for everyone to see. Everything must have a soul

glinting in clear, sunny water for everyone to see. Everything must have a soul

though not always silver or delicious.

though not always silver or delicious.

And what is that lumpy stuff floating on its cloud of white bread

And what is that lumpy stuff floating on its cloud of white bread

if not the very quintessence of egg salad? One Sleeve will starve without a soul.

if not the very quintessence of egg salad? One Sleeve will starve without a soul.

24

24

25

25

I HOPE TO SEE MY FATHER IN THE AFTERLIFE

I HOPE TO SEE MY FATHER IN THE AFTERLIFE

I hope to see my father in the afterlife, not that he’ll speak to me.

I hope to see my father in the afterlife, not that he’ll speak to me.

Talking with him was like playing ping pong in the wind, not that he’ll acknowledge me now.

Talking with him was like playing ping pong in the wind, not that he’ll acknowledge me now.

I think of him as scraps of bark and leaf in the sandy soil. Those were his textures in life.

I think of him as scraps of bark and leaf in the sandy soil. Those were his textures in life.

One Sleeve tamps down the dirt with his foot. My urge is to kneel

One Sleeve tamps down the dirt with his foot. My urge is to kneel

and try to converse with the gravestone. One Sleeve is bored.

and try to converse with the gravestone. One Sleeve is bored.

His eyes wander away. The wind lifts his hair.

His eyes wander away. The wind lifts his hair.

25

25

26

26

ONE SLEEVE CAN’T IMAGINE AN AFTERLIFE

ONE SLEEVE CAN’T IMAGINE AN AFTERLIFE

One Sleeve can’t imagine an afterlife. He imagines sitting in a folding chair

One Sleeve can’t imagine an afterlife. He imagines sitting in a folding chair

on the barren rooftop of his apartment building among the vents and chimneys and broken glass,

on the barren rooftop of his apartment building among the vents and chimneys and broken glass,

all the other rooftops deserted except for the backs of billboards.

all the other rooftops deserted except for the backs of billboards.

The glaring sunset is for One Sleeve alone. He is conscious of his retinas burning.

The glaring sunset is for One Sleeve alone. He is conscious of his retinas burning.

Take away consciousness and the whole scene is deleted.

Take away consciousness and the whole scene is deleted.

I open my eyes in a dark room. My bed smells of lavender and wood smoke.

I open my eyes in a dark room. My bed smells of lavender and wood smoke.

The ceiling is a deep lake, its waters lapping the walls,

The ceiling is a deep lake, its waters lapping the walls,

the fogged window a cloudbank muting the machinery of the outside world.

the fogged window a cloudbank muting the machinery of the outside world.

I imagine the afterlife will be like this one, all too conscious and familiar,

I imagine the afterlife will be like this one, all too conscious and familiar,

and no second death but a long night lying awake.

and no second death but a long night lying awake.

26

26

27

27

ONE SLEEVE THINKS THE GROUND OF BEING IS FARCICAL

ONE SLEEVE THINKS THE GROUND OF BEING IS FARCICAL

One Sleeve thinks the ground of being is farcical, like visiting a cemetery where no one is buried.

One Sleeve thinks the ground of being is farcical, like visiting a cemetery where no one is buried.

I see the ground of being as a dark soil littered with hair, eyeballs, a broken sandal, a lost watch,

I see the ground of being as a dark soil littered with hair, eyeballs, a broken sandal, a lost watch,

the frayed, decomposing fabric of the self, in time, nothing but dark soil.

the frayed, decomposing fabric of the self, in time, nothing but dark soil.

The process is gradual, seasonal, natural, bloom and decay, without consolation or joy.

The process is gradual, seasonal, natural, bloom and decay, without consolation or joy.

One Sleeve is exultant! The ground of being is a sham.

One Sleeve is exultant! The ground of being is a sham.

No one grieves in the cemetery but a fool.

No one grieves in the cemetery but a fool.

27

27

28

28

ONE SLEEVE’S CERTAINTY IS ABSOLUTE, A SILK POCKET SQUARE

ONE SLEEVE’S CERTAINTY IS ABSOLUTE, A SILK POCKET SQUARE

One Sleeve’s certainty is absolute, a silk pocket square neatly folded.

One Sleeve’s certainty is absolute, a silk pocket square neatly folded.

Not sure if I recognize the coffee shop, I step up to the counter

Not sure if I recognize the coffee shop, I step up to the counter

solemnly, like it’s an open casket.

solemnly, like it’s an open casket.

My lips open, but I have corpse-mouth.

My lips open, but I have corpse-mouth.

I look everywhere for my tongue, frowning.

I look everywhere for my tongue, frowning.

I try to order telepathically, frowning a beam of dark roast thought-waves with room for cream

I try to order telepathically, frowning a beam of dark roast thought-waves with room for cream

and a little desire… The spiky barista sings Hi the usual?

and a little desire… The spiky barista sings Hi the usual?

Her voice is a bright light: It makes my eyes flutter in delighted, consternated affirmation.

Her voice is a bright light: It makes my eyes flutter in delighted, consternated affirmation.

One Sleeve is glib, his fingers busy with bills and coins,

One Sleeve is glib, his fingers busy with bills and coins,

but desperate, skin crawling with impatience, sticky nakedness.

but desperate, skin crawling with impatience, sticky nakedness.

He wants exact change. There will be no tip.

He wants exact change. There will be no tip.

28

28

29

29

ONE SLEEVE REMEMBERS HIS FRIEND IN COLLEGE

ONE SLEEVE REMEMBERS HIS FRIEND IN COLLEGE

One Sleeve remembers his friend in college. He was beautiful and religious—like other boys.

One Sleeve remembers his friend in college. He was beautiful and religious—like other boys.

One Sleeve remembers him in a medieval quadrangle. In those days no one quite smiled

One Sleeve remembers him in a medieval quadrangle. In those days no one quite smiled

except with their eyes, cast upward, under quirky monastic haircuts.

except with their eyes, cast upward, under quirky monastic haircuts.

It was so many centuries ago no one has survived

It was so many centuries ago no one has survived

but in memory. I haven’t changed a bit.

but in memory. I haven’t changed a bit.

I stand in the arched tunnel of matriculation and attrition, drawn to neither light.

I stand in the arched tunnel of matriculation and attrition, drawn to neither light.

The ceiling drips rainwater of an ancient April shower.

The ceiling drips rainwater of an ancient April shower.

One Sleeve no longer loves the Ancients, the Fathers, the Doctors, asleep in their libraries and labyrinths,

One Sleeve no longer loves the Ancients, the Fathers, the Doctors, asleep in their libraries and labyrinths,

and wanders the grounds as a stranger.

and wanders the grounds as a stranger.

He crosses parking lots and footpaths, courtyards and lawns, to the mound where an old tree stood,

He crosses parking lots and footpaths, courtyards and lawns, to the mound where an old tree stood,

and memory, palimpsestic at best, a curled, burnt, blurred parchment,

and memory, palimpsestic at best, a curled, burnt, blurred parchment,

at worst a soap bubble reflecting the present, reflects his friend,

at worst a soap bubble reflecting the present, reflects his friend,

recreates the beautiful, smiling boy in a stranger.

recreates the beautiful, smiling boy in a stranger.

One Sleeve wants to say hello to the unapproachable, the damnable, the thin air.

One Sleeve wants to say hello to the unapproachable, the damnable, the thin air.

29

29

30

30

GOD’S UNIVERSE EXPLODES IN THE PLANETARIUM

GOD’S UNIVERSE EXPLODES IN THE PLANETARIUM

God’s universe explodes in the planetarium in a frightening burst of light and rumbling,

God’s universe explodes in the planetarium in a frightening burst of light and rumbling,

then expands quietly. I am at peace: Hushed and expectant,

then expands quietly. I am at peace: Hushed and expectant,

I sit out my life appreciating the fluke of carbon

I sit out my life appreciating the fluke of carbon

and other atoms lucky to be alive. Earth twinkles and blinks out.

and other atoms lucky to be alive. Earth twinkles and blinks out.

The synthesized music swells and spirals into the future which darkens

The synthesized music swells and spirals into the future which darkens

and falls to silence. Outside in the daylight, I blink and gape.

and falls to silence. Outside in the daylight, I blink and gape.

Rushing pedestrians bump my shoulders, turn me around.

Rushing pedestrians bump my shoulders, turn me around.

Tunnels feed the obese metropolis. The boulevards convulse with cab traffic.

Tunnels feed the obese metropolis. The boulevards convulse with cab traffic.

Nothing stands in mute testament except One Sleeve.

Nothing stands in mute testament except One Sleeve.

The city is soft, the asphalt supple in the sun. One Sleeve bites a peach with tender suction.

The city is soft, the asphalt supple in the sun. One Sleeve bites a peach with tender suction.

30

30

31

31

ONE SLEEVE BELIEVES IN EVOLUTION

ONE SLEEVE BELIEVES IN EVOLUTION

One Sleeve believes in evolution. It’s degrading but true.

One Sleeve believes in evolution. It’s degrading but true.

In a corner diner, all yellow formica filthy with age,

In a corner diner, all yellow formica filthy with age,

I eat salty french fries while it rains.

I eat salty french fries while it rains.

Holding my cheeseburger to the left of my head like a violin,

Holding my cheeseburger to the left of my head like a violin,

I chomp ketchupy french fries three at a time, grinding them up like body parts in a wood chipper.

I chomp ketchupy french fries three at a time, grinding them up like body parts in a wood chipper.

This is what it’s come to. One Sleeve is disgusted.

This is what it’s come to. One Sleeve is disgusted.

He slides to the deep end of the booth, pulls one foot into his lap and cradles it.

He slides to the deep end of the booth, pulls one foot into his lap and cradles it.

The rain falls. The forest is quiet.

The rain falls. The forest is quiet.

One Sleeve picks bits of sand from the pocked leather sole of his shoe. He tastes one.

One Sleeve picks bits of sand from the pocked leather sole of his shoe. He tastes one.

31

31

32

32

I BORROW A WHITE SHIRT, BORROW BUTTONS

I BORROW A WHITE SHIRT, BORROW BUTTONS

I borrow a white shirt, borrow buttons. I borrow eyesight to find my way out of the house.

I borrow a white shirt, borrow buttons. I borrow eyesight to find my way out of the house.

Out on the street I borrow bricks, glass, gritty scaffolding. I borrow air—one breath at a time.

Out on the street I borrow bricks, glass, gritty scaffolding. I borrow air—one breath at a time.

In the old department store, built like a palace, One Sleeve walks briskly to the back

In the old department store, built like a palace, One Sleeve walks briskly to the back

and browsing in fields of lavender, lilac, and fleurs-de-lis selects a necktie.

and browsing in fields of lavender, lilac, and fleurs-de-lis selects a necktie.

At the checkout counter, I borrow conversation, eavesdropping on a purchase of cufflinks, a purchase of socks.

At the checkout counter, I borrow conversation, eavesdropping on a purchase of cufflinks, a purchase of socks.

One Sleeve marks the credit card slip, his signature an elegant discharge of purple ink.

One Sleeve marks the credit card slip, his signature an elegant discharge of purple ink.

I borrow fingers to feel my way out of the store. I borrow sunshine and shadow,

I borrow fingers to feel my way out of the store. I borrow sunshine and shadow,

brown shoes— I borrow quick happiness for the walk home.

brown shoes— I borrow quick happiness for the walk home.

32

32

33

33

ONE SLEEVE CONSIDERS SPEECH A VALIDATION OF THE IRRELEVANT

ONE SLEEVE CONSIDERS SPEECH A VALIDATION OF THE IRRELEVANT

One Sleeve considers speech a validation of the irrelevant. I nibble my tongue.

One Sleeve considers speech a validation of the irrelevant. I nibble my tongue.

He litters: Scraps of paper float on the duck pond— paper cups, whole newspaper pages.

He litters: Scraps of paper float on the duck pond— paper cups, whole newspaper pages.

A burger wrapper sails sedately through the scum like a schooner returning to port.

A burger wrapper sails sedately through the scum like a schooner returning to port.

The breeze pushes against One Sleeve. Tourists ask him directions, the time, the name of the lake,

The breeze pushes against One Sleeve. Tourists ask him directions, the time, the name of the lake,

but he walks in the mind’s depraved precincts and does not answer.

but he walks in the mind’s depraved precincts and does not answer.

Trash swirls around his feet, returning to him.

Trash swirls around his feet, returning to him.

I try to warn people away with round eyes and shaking head.

I try to warn people away with round eyes and shaking head.

33

33

34

34

ONE SLEEVE IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO BELIEVE

ONE SLEEVE IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO BELIEVE

One Sleeve is looking for something to believe. I’m looking for my keys

One Sleeve is looking for something to believe. I’m looking for my keys

in the cookie jar. Flower pot. Sock drawer. Toilet tank. Oven. Cupboard. Coffee pot. Pocket, pocket, pocket, pocket.

in the cookie jar. Flower pot. Sock drawer. Toilet tank. Oven. Cupboard. Coffee pot. Pocket, pocket, pocket, pocket.

One Sleeve flips through books, looking in all the old places

One Sleeve flips through books, looking in all the old places

marked enigmatically with yellow highlighting, marginalia in a tiny script,

marked enigmatically with yellow highlighting, marginalia in a tiny script,

question marks, stars.

question marks, stars.

He stops to inspect a sentence, touching it almost tenderly,

He stops to inspect a sentence, touching it almost tenderly,

sometimes runs his finger down the cleavage between pages.

sometimes runs his finger down the cleavage between pages.

34

34

35

35

THE ELEPHANT HIDES BEHIND HER LONG, SHY EYELASHES

THE ELEPHANT HIDES BEHIND HER LONG, SHY EYELASHES

The elephant hides behind her long, shy eyelashes. One Sleeve is in love and can’t stop looking at her.

The elephant hides behind her long, shy eyelashes. One Sleeve is in love and can’t stop looking at her.

I like the zoo because it exhibits only the obvious. The giraffe is self-explanatory.

I like the zoo because it exhibits only the obvious. The giraffe is self-explanatory.

One Sleeve is a glutton. Never satisfied with an explanation,

One Sleeve is a glutton. Never satisfied with an explanation,

he wants three scoops of ice cream stacked on a cone, all chocolate.

he wants three scoops of ice cream stacked on a cone, all chocolate.

He licks methodically: around, up. I lick the side of my hand.

He licks methodically: around, up. I lick the side of my hand.

35

35

36

36

MY BELIEFS WALK WITH A SLIGHT LIMP

MY BELIEFS WALK WITH A SLIGHT LIMP

My beliefs walk with a slight limp. People who believe in cures

My beliefs walk with a slight limp. People who believe in cures

enter the 5k charity run. Imagination, the new faith, heals the crippled

enter the 5k charity run. Imagination, the new faith, heals the crippled

and diseased. I hobble

and diseased. I hobble

with stern dignity, gathering adulation along the race route.

with stern dignity, gathering adulation along the race route.

I believe in the paper number, the free T-shirt, camaraderie, joggers against death.

I believe in the paper number, the free T-shirt, camaraderie, joggers against death.

I believe in pouring a cup of water on my head. One Sleeve winks.

I believe in pouring a cup of water on my head. One Sleeve winks.

Irony is the new certainty. I cross the finish line with tears streaming down my face.

Irony is the new certainty. I cross the finish line with tears streaming down my face.

36

36

37

37

ONE SLEEVE STANDS IN FRONT OF THE CATHEDRAL LOOKING UP

ONE SLEEVE STANDS IN FRONT OF THE CATHEDRAL LOOKING UP

One Sleeve stands in front of the cathedral looking up. The structure is not big enough for his ego.

One Sleeve stands in front of the cathedral looking up. The structure is not big enough for his ego.

Some out-of-towners mount the steps, tentative, and tumble back,

Some out-of-towners mount the steps, tentative, and tumble back,

awed. Their egos are too small.

awed. Their egos are too small.

I like to have lunch in the sun. The vast staircase is like a mountain face.

I like to have lunch in the sun. The vast staircase is like a mountain face.

I perch on the cool stone, elbows on knees, holding a baloney and American cheese sandwich in both hands

I perch on the cool stone, elbows on knees, holding a baloney and American cheese sandwich in both hands

like a harmonica. The out-of-towners pause to listen.

like a harmonica. The out-of-towners pause to listen.

A bubbling stream of foot traffic flows on the sidewalk below. One Sleeve admires the view from here,

A bubbling stream of foot traffic flows on the sidewalk below. One Sleeve admires the view from here,

a middle-world of suspended belief, and suddenly the out-of-towners know they are trapped.

a middle-world of suspended belief, and suddenly the out-of-towners know they are trapped.

They huddle, searching each other’s faces. One Sleeve stands and points to their tour bus down the block.

They huddle, searching each other’s faces. One Sleeve stands and points to their tour bus down the block.

37

37

38

38

I FORESEE THE SQUALOR OF MY OLD AGE

I FORESEE THE SQUALOR OF MY OLD AGE

I foresee the squalor of my old age, newspapers, urine,

I foresee the squalor of my old age, newspapers, urine,

towels piled under the bathroom sink, the kitchen packed like a junk shop.

towels piled under the bathroom sink, the kitchen packed like a junk shop.

One Sleeve’s mind is settled, like a shelf of folded sweaters.

One Sleeve’s mind is settled, like a shelf of folded sweaters.

He will not permit any aesthetic misstep. I see a plate of dried up noodles covered in red fungus.

He will not permit any aesthetic misstep. I see a plate of dried up noodles covered in red fungus.

One Sleeve meditates on the blank TV screen. Sun tea brews on the brick windowsill.

One Sleeve meditates on the blank TV screen. Sun tea brews on the brick windowsill.

38

38

39

39

TIME INFURIATES ONE SLEEVE

TIME INFURIATES ONE SLEEVE

Time infuriates One Sleeve. His long, beautiful, devastated hair

Time infuriates One Sleeve. His long, beautiful, devastated hair

stripped, perplexed in the wind, he submits to a trim.

stripped, perplexed in the wind, he submits to a trim.

One Sleeve puts all his trust in the stylist and so despises him.

One Sleeve puts all his trust in the stylist and so despises him.

It is impossible to think in the swirling salon. There is too much touching—

It is impossible to think in the swirling salon. There is too much touching—

everyone talking. Insipid snippets, speech clippings,

everyone talking. Insipid snippets, speech clippings,

word-hairs slip down his neck, ticklish, like bees crawling on the flesh,

word-hairs slip down his neck, ticklish, like bees crawling on the flesh,

but One Sleeve does not touch the itch. He submits to the ritual.

but One Sleeve does not touch the itch. He submits to the ritual.

Under the cape, I clench my hands together in a fist of prayer.

Under the cape, I clench my hands together in a fist of prayer.

39

39

40

40

AT THE ALL-DAY CONCERT IN THE PARK

AT THE ALL-DAY CONCERT IN THE PARK

At the all-day concert in the park One Sleeve recognizes only strangers on the great lawn

At the all-day concert in the park One Sleeve recognizes only strangers on the great lawn

and greets them one by one with a lopsided nod.

and greets them one by one with a lopsided nod.

I keep moving, concerned someone might speak to me, though I saunter.

I keep moving, concerned someone might speak to me, though I saunter.

A youth orchestra drones “Louie, Louie” and “Tequila,” and a local artist belts out her twangy ballads.

A youth orchestra drones “Louie, Louie” and “Tequila,” and a local artist belts out her twangy ballads.

As night falls, lasers crisscross the crowd and a techno group plays a jaw-popping “Helter Skelter.”

As night falls, lasers crisscross the crowd and a techno group plays a jaw-popping “Helter Skelter.”

Blackness covers the lawn. One Sleeve moves closer and closer to the bright stage,

Blackness covers the lawn. One Sleeve moves closer and closer to the bright stage,

the source of being, the island from which all the chaos of life erupts,

the source of being, the island from which all the chaos of life erupts,

falls on the dancing thousands, flows through the gridwork of streets,

falls on the dancing thousands, flows through the gridwork of streets,

settles into the familiar patterns that so confound the little mind

settles into the familiar patterns that so confound the little mind

returning to his apartment to make dinner.

returning to his apartment to make dinner.

40

40

41

41

I WORK THROUGH MY NIGHTLY EQUATIONS QUICKLY

I WORK THROUGH MY NIGHTLY EQUATIONS QUICKLY

I work through my nightly equations quickly, a hairy cat full of electricity,

I work through my nightly equations quickly, a hairy cat full of electricity,

seated on the edge of the bed, twitching, tensing.

seated on the edge of the bed, twitching, tensing.

Done, I don’t spring away

Done, I don’t spring away

but blink slowly, once.

but blink slowly, once.

I love mathematics like a brother— protective, precise,

I love mathematics like a brother— protective, precise,

difficult, always another problem.

difficult, always another problem.

One Sleeve is a prickly calculus. He cannot be touched,

One Sleeve is a prickly calculus. He cannot be touched,

only thought. A bony cat crosses the alley in the distance.

only thought. A bony cat crosses the alley in the distance.

I do not blink all night but watch at the window alone.

I do not blink all night but watch at the window alone.

41

41

42

42

I WANT MY GOD BACK

I WANT MY GOD BACK

I want my God back. I want to pray again, but to whom?

I want my God back. I want to pray again, but to whom?

One Sleeve is silent. I say it out loud: I want my God back.

One Sleeve is silent. I say it out loud: I want my God back.

I stand at center stage in the crumbling amphitheater, high noon, off season, empty of voices

I stand at center stage in the crumbling amphitheater, high noon, off season, empty of voices

but mine: I want my God back. Pigeons flap sharply.

but mine: I want my God back. Pigeons flap sharply.

I bite my lip. One Sleeve is thinking.

I bite my lip. One Sleeve is thinking.

42

42

43

43

I WAS AN ENCHANTED CHILD

I WAS AN ENCHANTED CHILD

I was an enchanted child. One Sleeve doesn’t believe in childhood.

I was an enchanted child. One Sleeve doesn’t believe in childhood.

As kids clamber onto the refurbished carousel, glossy pride of a derelict boardwalk,

As kids clamber onto the refurbished carousel, glossy pride of a derelict boardwalk,

I watch from a distance. The machinery begins to move.

I watch from a distance. The machinery begins to move.

A dazzled little boy riding a pale blue unicorn reaches around to grip the white horn

A dazzled little boy riding a pale blue unicorn reaches around to grip the white horn

at its base to feel the power of the magical beast.

at its base to feel the power of the magical beast.

All the animals are sexual— lion, elephant, swan, man.

All the animals are sexual— lion, elephant, swan, man.

One Sleeve refuses to believe. The tooting music drives him mad with memory.

One Sleeve refuses to believe. The tooting music drives him mad with memory.

43

43

44

44

THE MARATHONERS FILL THE AVENUE AT MILE TWELVE

THE MARATHONERS FILL THE AVENUE AT MILE TWELVE

The marathoners fill the avenue at mile twelve, rounding the corner like cockroaches spilling out of the cupboard.

The marathoners fill the avenue at mile twelve, rounding the corner like cockroaches spilling out of the cupboard.

I look for my sister in the crowd. One Sleeve doesn’t believe in sisters.

I look for my sister in the crowd. One Sleeve doesn’t believe in sisters.

I study the runners as they lope past, their faces sunk deep in subcognition,

I study the runners as they lope past, their faces sunk deep in subcognition,

like the people of a bombed metropolis who grieve

like the people of a bombed metropolis who grieve

watching their city burn, artworks, the music hall, walk-up apartments,

watching their city burn, artworks, the music hall, walk-up apartments,

all of it, whole families lost in the firestorm,

all of it, whole families lost in the firestorm,

or separated and thought dead. One Sleeve’s face sinks in clear thought.

or separated and thought dead. One Sleeve’s face sinks in clear thought.

His sister dances in fire. He does not cry for help.

His sister dances in fire. He does not cry for help.

44

44

45

45

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT CRY FOR HELP

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT CRY FOR HELP

One Sleeve does not cry for help. He does not make lovers’ promises,

One Sleeve does not cry for help. He does not make lovers’ promises,

does not pray to feeble gods. I make butter and sugar on white bread

does not pray to feeble gods. I make butter and sugar on white bread

a secret communion. I lift my glass of milk

a secret communion. I lift my glass of milk

between hands folded in prayer, although the words don’t come to me.

between hands folded in prayer, although the words don’t come to me.

The kitchen is neat, the table clear, smallest, quietest room.

The kitchen is neat, the table clear, smallest, quietest room.

45

45

46

46

ONE SLEEVE TRIVIALIZES TIME

ONE SLEEVE TRIVIALIZES TIME

One Sleeve trivializes time. He treats the days like playthings—

One Sleeve trivializes time. He treats the days like playthings—

Saturday, Tuesday—rearranging them indifferently, perversely, like switching spoons and forks on the tea table.

Saturday, Tuesday—rearranging them indifferently, perversely, like switching spoons and forks on the tea table.

He swims through months with a scissors in each hand, calendar pages frothing under his digging arms.

He swims through months with a scissors in each hand, calendar pages frothing under his digging arms.

He flings whole calendars spinning like galaxies across the room to smash apart against the wall

He flings whole calendars spinning like galaxies across the room to smash apart against the wall

and fall behind the couch. He throws bibles and epics against that wall.

and fall behind the couch. He throws bibles and epics against that wall.

Dinosaurs crawl out of his toy box full size. He dips a finger in green slime at the seashore.

Dinosaurs crawl out of his toy box full size. He dips a finger in green slime at the seashore.

A piece of lint on the carpet, I am sucked instantly into the hand vac.

A piece of lint on the carpet, I am sucked instantly into the hand vac.

That’s how fast it ends. That’s how fast I want to die.

That’s how fast it ends. That’s how fast I want to die.

46

46

47

47

I FEEL HELPLESS IN A CAB

I FEEL HELPLESS IN A CAB

I feel helpless in a cab. I give the driver an intersection,

I feel helpless in a cab. I give the driver an intersection,

one intersection like another. I get out in traffic

one intersection like another. I get out in traffic

and hail another cab. It takes a lot to get a cabbie to stop on a bridge.

and hail another cab. It takes a lot to get a cabbie to stop on a bridge.

I feel helpless standing on a bridge, dizzy above the river, but not lost.

I feel helpless standing on a bridge, dizzy above the river, but not lost.

Back in the city, behind the wall of skyline, One Sleeve crouches in hiding.

Back in the city, behind the wall of skyline, One Sleeve crouches in hiding.

47

47

48

48

THE LIGHTS STAY UP IN THE CONCERT HALL

THE LIGHTS STAY UP IN THE CONCERT HALL

The lights stay up in the concert hall. The amber woodwork behind the orchestra

The lights stay up in the concert hall. The amber woodwork behind the orchestra

and the worn wooden floor reverberate with light.

and the worn wooden floor reverberate with light.

The boards thicken and grow heavy with light.

The boards thicken and grow heavy with light.

Verdi’s Requiem startles, choir lashing out angrily, and I am fully exposed,

Verdi’s Requiem startles, choir lashing out angrily, and I am fully exposed,

centered, eighteen rows back, twenty-one in, and surrounded.

centered, eighteen rows back, twenty-one in, and surrounded.

Like a convict strapped into his chair, I grip the wooden arms,

Like a convict strapped into his chair, I grip the wooden arms,

unready for my sentence, unready for the chamber full of heavy light,

unready for my sentence, unready for the chamber full of heavy light,

wanting only a few more minutes to think, a few calm moments.

wanting only a few more minutes to think, a few calm moments.

One Sleeve needs to think. But the music rushes forward through anger, tears, grief,

One Sleeve needs to think. But the music rushes forward through anger, tears, grief,

disaster upon disaster, and as the visible world begins to swirl and sicken him,

disaster upon disaster, and as the visible world begins to swirl and sicken him,

One Sleeve stands. He steps on feet, pushes against knees: But he cannot get out.

One Sleeve stands. He steps on feet, pushes against knees: But he cannot get out.

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48

49

49

ONE SLEEVE NEEDS TO THINK

ONE SLEEVE NEEDS TO THINK

One Sleeve needs to think. He contemplates the monster in the closet.

One Sleeve needs to think. He contemplates the monster in the closet.

I pull up the bed covers. Monsters can’t get through bed covers.

I pull up the bed covers. Monsters can’t get through bed covers.

Only the exposed face is vulnerable and must remain vigilant.

Only the exposed face is vulnerable and must remain vigilant.

The closet door swings smoothly, opening imperceptibly as the building breathes.

The closet door swings smoothly, opening imperceptibly as the building breathes.

In the crack of darkness, invisible shirts hang with slumped shoulders,

In the crack of darkness, invisible shirts hang with slumped shoulders,

belts like entrails. Piled on the floor, smooth shoes jostle soundlessly, like snails.

belts like entrails. Piled on the floor, smooth shoes jostle soundlessly, like snails.

Maybe all my beliefs are imaginary. One Sleeve contemplates the monster

Maybe all my beliefs are imaginary. One Sleeve contemplates the monster

and gets no sleep in his bed of maggots and visions.

and gets no sleep in his bed of maggots and visions.

49

49

50

50

ONE SLEEVE LOSES HIS BALANCE STANDING NEXT TO A HORSE

ONE SLEEVE LOSES HIS BALANCE STANDING NEXT TO A HORSE

One Sleeve loses his balance standing next to a horse. There is no hope of surviving the carriage.

One Sleeve loses his balance standing next to a horse. There is no hope of surviving the carriage.

Rolling, the wheels grind against the pavement. One Sleeve hears the grinding wheels of the universe.

Rolling, the wheels grind against the pavement. One Sleeve hears the grinding wheels of the universe.

The driver points out the fountain of pure waters, the green meadow,

The driver points out the fountain of pure waters, the green meadow,

yet nothing is green or pure but reeks of horse shit.

yet nothing is green or pure but reeks of horse shit.

One Sleeve sniffs the shit of the world. The driver announces the end

One Sleeve sniffs the shit of the world. The driver announces the end

profoundly, his brogue incontrovertible.

profoundly, his brogue incontrovertible.

One Sleeve climbs down on legs of plaster and peanut butter. I am nowhere to be found.

One Sleeve climbs down on legs of plaster and peanut butter. I am nowhere to be found.

50

50

51

51

I LOOK DOWN THE SUBWAY STAIR IN THE RAIN

I LOOK DOWN THE SUBWAY STAIR IN THE RAIN

I look down the subway stair in the rain. The underworld fills with people

I look down the subway stair in the rain. The underworld fills with people

escaping the rain. One Sleeve mocks the symbolism,

escaping the rain. One Sleeve mocks the symbolism,

as though there were two realities, one the shadow of the other.

as though there were two realities, one the shadow of the other.

When the sun breaks through, I go down the stairs,

When the sun breaks through, I go down the stairs,

my shadow stepping daintily beside me, its long arm reaching for the handrail.

my shadow stepping daintily beside me, its long arm reaching for the handrail.

There is only one way to avoid the symbolism and the mockery.

There is only one way to avoid the symbolism and the mockery.

Go down under ground where only shadows go. One Sleeve’s fingers slide along the handrail

Go down under ground where only shadows go. One Sleeve’s fingers slide along the handrail

unable to grip it. He is sorry to go this way.

unable to grip it. He is sorry to go this way.

51

51

52

52

ONE SLEEVE’S CURIOSITY BOILS IN A POT

ONE SLEEVE’S CURIOSITY BOILS IN A POT

One Sleeve’s curiosity boils in a pot. It is a thin, ferocious soup.

One Sleeve’s curiosity boils in a pot. It is a thin, ferocious soup.

He glares out the kitchen window at the brick wall across the alley.

He glares out the kitchen window at the brick wall across the alley.

Gusts of steam and dust circulate upward in the alley canyon. The city leaks.

Gusts of steam and dust circulate upward in the alley canyon. The city leaks.

I’m always hungry, not for food exactly—

I’m always hungry, not for food exactly—

bacon, tomato, and a little mayonnaise on toast— but for the freshness of food,

bacon, tomato, and a little mayonnaise on toast— but for the freshness of food,

as though food were life-giving, uplifting.

as though food were life-giving, uplifting.

One Sleeve is impatient. He pulls a chair from the table and stands on it.

One Sleeve is impatient. He pulls a chair from the table and stands on it.

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52

53

53

THE EXPOSED DRAIN PIPE CROSSING THE KITCHEN CEILING

THE EXPOSED DRAIN PIPE CROSSING THE KITCHEN CEILING

The exposed drain pipe crossing the kitchen ceiling bears my weight.

The exposed drain pipe crossing the kitchen ceiling bears my weight.

My arms too thin for pull-ups, I hang, knees raised, like a monkey,

My arms too thin for pull-ups, I hang, knees raised, like a monkey,

like a little boy in gym class who can’t pass the test.

like a little boy in gym class who can’t pass the test.

I will hang myself here when the time comes.

I will hang myself here when the time comes.

Dangling shoelaces or floppy bare feet, all dressed up

Dangling shoelaces or floppy bare feet, all dressed up

or completely naked— there are issues to resolve first.

or completely naked— there are issues to resolve first.

And there is always one more good day, although statistically rare, the calendar more X’s than O’s.

And there is always one more good day, although statistically rare, the calendar more X’s than O’s.

I lower my feet to the chair, step down to the floor, sit.

I lower my feet to the chair, step down to the floor, sit.

One Sleeve thinks about the park. He wants to see the kites again,

One Sleeve thinks about the park. He wants to see the kites again,

dragon, box, diamond, bucking and veering in a blue sky seething with wind

dragon, box, diamond, bucking and veering in a blue sky seething with wind

and string. I know how to build a kite out of newspaper and yardsticks.

and string. I know how to build a kite out of newspaper and yardsticks.

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53

54

54

ONE SLEEVE STANDS ON A HOT TENNIS COURT, EVAPORATING

ONE SLEEVE STANDS ON A HOT TENNIS COURT, EVAPORATING

One Sleeve stands on a hot tennis court, evaporating. The body mostly water,

One Sleeve stands on a hot tennis court, evaporating. The body mostly water,

it is possible to feel death in action, limbs thinning, dripping, the torso shrinking like clay.

it is possible to feel death in action, limbs thinning, dripping, the torso shrinking like clay.

He mingles with the summer air. I am unnerved, desperate, cracked, irresolute.

He mingles with the summer air. I am unnerved, desperate, cracked, irresolute.

He lifts his face to the sun and drifts home on puffs of air.

He lifts his face to the sun and drifts home on puffs of air.

My sunburned head feels like a dried up kitchen sponge— hard, curled, dirty.

My sunburned head feels like a dried up kitchen sponge— hard, curled, dirty.

He lifts a glass of water to his lips. My gut is hollow, like a shriveled gourd.

He lifts a glass of water to his lips. My gut is hollow, like a shriveled gourd.

He is a fern garden fragrant and moist in the shade. I lie down in the shade.

He is a fern garden fragrant and moist in the shade. I lie down in the shade.

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54

55

55

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT PLAN FOR RETIREMENT

ONE SLEEVE DOES NOT PLAN FOR RETIREMENT

One Sleeve does not plan for retirement. He cannot stop thinking.

One Sleeve does not plan for retirement. He cannot stop thinking.

He has never owned a home. He has not raised any children.

He has never owned a home. He has not raised any children.

He lays no flowers on no stone and cannot stop thinking.

He lays no flowers on no stone and cannot stop thinking.

I buy candy in the drugstore, crumbly chocolate and tart, fizzy tablets.

I buy candy in the drugstore, crumbly chocolate and tart, fizzy tablets.

One Sleeve remembers his violin. He ought to practice.

One Sleeve remembers his violin. He ought to practice.

I remember candy cigarettes, the pavement a dalmatian skin of gum spots.

I remember candy cigarettes, the pavement a dalmatian skin of gum spots.

The hot sidewalk in summer is timeless. Eating candy outside the drugstore

The hot sidewalk in summer is timeless. Eating candy outside the drugstore

timeless, One Sleeve’s thoughts melt on his lips.

timeless, One Sleeve’s thoughts melt on his lips.

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55

56

56

ONE SLEEVE’S MORNING ROUTINE IS EFFICIENT

ONE SLEEVE’S MORNING ROUTINE IS EFFICIENT

One Sleeve’s morning routine is efficient. He does only what is necessary to survive.

One Sleeve’s morning routine is efficient. He does only what is necessary to survive.

My interest in survival grows less and less. The bathroom mirror darkens year by year.

My interest in survival grows less and less. The bathroom mirror darkens year by year.

Silvery, iridescent splotches cover my face.

Silvery, iridescent splotches cover my face.

I stretch the skin with both hands like smoothing a tablecloth.

I stretch the skin with both hands like smoothing a tablecloth.

I shave without enthusiasm. Looking in the mirror always means death.

I shave without enthusiasm. Looking in the mirror always means death.

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56

57

57

ONE SLEEVE REDECORATES FOR THE LAST TIME

ONE SLEEVE REDECORATES FOR THE LAST TIME

One Sleeve redecorates for the last time. His devil’s-head has grown decrepit on its shelf.

One Sleeve redecorates for the last time. His devil’s-head has grown decrepit on its shelf.

He wears a wig of cobwebs, mouth dry as a wasp nest, cheeks hard as black fruit.

He wears a wig of cobwebs, mouth dry as a wasp nest, cheeks hard as black fruit.

Black hairs sprout all around the scaly neck and seem to glisten.

Black hairs sprout all around the scaly neck and seem to glisten.

His eyes still dash to and fro. Scaffolding, paint-splattered boards,

His eyes still dash to and fro. Scaffolding, paint-splattered boards,

a sun-filled window is the allure behind a hazy plastic tarp.

a sun-filled window is the allure behind a hazy plastic tarp.

One Sleeve paints the wall in long, dripping strokes under a bare bulb.

One Sleeve paints the wall in long, dripping strokes under a bare bulb.

Eyes sweeping back and forth, I must keep watch on the devil’s-head.

Eyes sweeping back and forth, I must keep watch on the devil’s-head.

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57

58

58

I CAN’T AFFORD THE FULL PRICE OF AN OPERATIC DEATH

I CAN’T AFFORD THE FULL PRICE OF AN OPERATIC DEATH

I can’t afford the full price of an operatic death. I must die standing.

I can’t afford the full price of an operatic death. I must die standing.

I want to watch the great baritone die imperiously

I want to watch the great baritone die imperiously

and descend into the fires of Hell, red and yellow scarves licking his upraised arms.

and descend into the fires of Hell, red and yellow scarves licking his upraised arms.

A lady from Hell argues at the ticket window. She has been given the wrong death.

A lady from Hell argues at the ticket window. She has been given the wrong death.

Sometimes I wait all afternoon, watching ladies climb the carpeted steps

Sometimes I wait all afternoon, watching ladies climb the carpeted steps

and descend. All the men are tall.

and descend. All the men are tall.

I admire those legendary lovers whose world is an unresolved chord except in death.

I admire those legendary lovers whose world is an unresolved chord except in death.

I also like the wayward girl, degraded, outcast, who dies exquisitely on a velvet couch.

I also like the wayward girl, degraded, outcast, who dies exquisitely on a velvet couch.

Sometimes I wait all afternoon in line, spinning on my heel.

Sometimes I wait all afternoon in line, spinning on my heel.

Sometimes there are no tickets and I go on living.

Sometimes there are no tickets and I go on living.

Today the lady from Hell turns around imperiously, and One Sleeve gapes at her in tongueless horror

Today the lady from Hell turns around imperiously, and One Sleeve gapes at her in tongueless horror

as she thrusts her tickets into his chest. I’m ready for this.

as she thrusts her tickets into his chest. I’m ready for this.

I’ll scalp one ticket and make love to the other.

I’ll scalp one ticket and make love to the other. 58

58

59

59

DIRTY LAUNDRY DOES NOT ANGER ONE SLEEVE

DIRTY LAUNDRY DOES NOT ANGER ONE SLEEVE

Dirty laundry does not anger One Sleeve. Clean clothes do not calm him.

Dirty laundry does not anger One Sleeve. Clean clothes do not calm him.

I swipe at flies in the laundromat. I hate laundry flies.

I swipe at flies in the laundromat. I hate laundry flies.

The industrial style washers drone like giant flies, and I hate them too.

The industrial style washers drone like giant flies, and I hate them too.

The bulging glass doors look like black eye-facets, and inside, the chaotic fly-mind tumbles endlessly.

The bulging glass doors look like black eye-facets, and inside, the chaotic fly-mind tumbles endlessly.

One Sleeve is calmed by the motion of thought. I want to break the glass and let it spill out.

One Sleeve is calmed by the motion of thought. I want to break the glass and let it spill out.

59

59

60

60

ONE SLEEVE GOES TO THE PARK FOR THE CRABAPPLE BLOSSOMS

ONE SLEEVE GOES TO THE PARK FOR THE CRABAPPLE BLOSSOMS

One Sleeve goes to the park for the crabapple blossoms. I’m too tired to start another day.

One Sleeve goes to the park for the crabapple blossoms. I’m too tired to start another day.

One Sleeve wants to know how wind and soil make crabapple blossoms. I lift my nose into the air.

One Sleeve wants to know how wind and soil make crabapple blossoms. I lift my nose into the air.

He ponders rain for the millionth time, and a spate of drizzle speckles his glasses.

He ponders rain for the millionth time, and a spate of drizzle speckles his glasses.

I turn up my nose at all these questions. I think there is a better Heaven.

I turn up my nose at all these questions. I think there is a better Heaven.

He feels warm sun beyond the clouds, and stars beyond the sun. I see time and nothingness, painless eternity.

He feels warm sun beyond the clouds, and stars beyond the sun. I see time and nothingness, painless eternity.

He sits on a wet bench. His shoes are wet.

He sits on a wet bench. His shoes are wet.

I want to quit. I want to go back to sleep.

I want to quit. I want to go back to sleep.

He’s ready for a new day, even in the rain. I am resigned to a bad end, especially in the rain.

He’s ready for a new day, even in the rain. I am resigned to a bad end, especially in the rain.

He rolls up one sleeve, willing to reconsider everything. I button one down, unable to resist.

He rolls up one sleeve, willing to reconsider everything. I button one down, unable to resist.

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60

The very first poem announces that Carr will not be playing by the rules. ―He thinks of himself in the third person / except sometimes when he talks. // I talk between people. / I aim for the space between passersby.‖ Breaking the rules allows the narrator to speak with/as a protean voice that makes him always multiple, inciting us—we passersby—into remaining, like One Sleeve, ―awake, counting beams of snowlight / hovering in the slats of the blinds.‖ – H. L. Hix, author of First Fire, Then Birds

Evening Street Press

Evening Street Press

One Sleeve

one sleeve

Carr’s narrator picks scabs off his philosophical wounds while his alter ego, ―One Sleeve,‖ attempts to make sense of a fractured universe. ―Irony is the new certainty,‖ declares Carr’s ambivalent speaker, caught between the physical sensations and philosophical problems of this world and the next. – David Hulm, Kirkwood Community College, Iowa City

Richard Carr

Richard Carr’s brilliant fifth book, One Sleeve, collects all the resonating themes of his earlier work, turbocharges them, and demands that the reader, stripped of all pretense, illusion, and self-pity, face the human condition of our time. From these dark poems shine great beauty and a strange, tentative-yet-tough kindness, while simile and lyricism transform each poem into a mythology that is both frightening and comforting. – Nancy White, author of Sun, Moon, Salt and Detour

Poems by Richard Carr

Dublin, OH

Evening Street Press