Negotiation as a Martial Art: Techniques to Master the Art of Human Exchange 9781641466684, 2021938179, 9781641466264, 9781641466691, 164146626X

Table of contents :
Author’s Note
Introduction
Case Study #1: The Two-Year-Old and the Red Car
Case Study #2: It’s Not Always About the Numbers
Beware the Strategic Deal
When a Deal Seems to Make No Financial Sense
The Power of Asking “Why”
Discover the “Why” First
Look for Plato’s “Backstory” or “Other” World
What to Consider—Interests or Positions?
Master Asking “Why” and Listening to the Answers
Why Negotiation as a Martial Art?
Chapter 1 - Be Like Water
Silence Yourself
The Drawbacks of a “Sword Drawn” Strategy
A Defensive Response
Broken Negotiations
The Ask and Listen Strategy: Finding Openings Like Water Finding Holes
The Art of Becoming Empty
Takeaway
Chapter 2 - Adjusting Your Own Position
Negotiating Leverage Born From Martial Arts Defense
One-on-One
Shifting an “Impossible” Weight
When Faced With the Immovable— Move Yourself
From the Martial Arts Arena to the Negotiating Table
When Your Opponent is More Powerful
The “Wiggle Contingency” Strategy
Takeaway
Chapter 3 - Fixing Yourself
Bias Awareness—the One Thing You Bring
It’s All About You
Lessons in Self-Awareness From Martial Artists
Shields Up!
Emotions and Receptivity
Bias Gets in the Way
A Case Study in Bias from Leadership School
A Case Study in Bias from a Family Move
Types of Biases
Takeaway
Chapter 4 - Prep and Planning
Summer Camp Prep— Rediscovering the Child Within You
It Started with a Father’s Wisdom
Surrender Control
Discombobulating or Disrupting the Norms
New and Unique Friends
Get Reacquainted with Nature
Learn to Breathe Again
Rediscover Your Sense of Smell
Takeaway
Chapter 5 - Back-To-School Mentality and Always Be Training
From a Negotiation to an Education Frame of Mind
Back-to-School Rituals
Takeaway
Chapter 6 - Negotiators Are Often Road Warriors
The Road Warrior Life
Lessons to Become a Successful Road Warrior
Me and My Monk at 37,000 Feet
Takeaway
Chapter 7 - A Mentor Is a Must
Primacy
That First Acquisition
Lessons I Learned
There is No Such Thing as a Draft
The “Never Stop Learning” Principle in Negotiations
“On the Shoulders of Giants”
Get a Mentor
Takeaway
Chapter 8 - The Art and Science of Memory
Mental Athletes
Theory of Mind
Memory as a Cognitive Skill
Start with Remembering Names
Paying Attention is for Winners
Getting in “The Zone”
Takeaway: A Strong Memory = A Negotiating Edge
Chapter 9 - Listening
Learning to Pivot from “No!”
Green Eggs and Ham was my First Sales Manual
Sam-I-Am is a Lousy Listener
Green Eggs and Ham 2.0
Use a Technique from Parent-Child Negotiations to Pivot from “No”
Takeaway
Chapter 10 - Listening for Rhythm
The Rhythm in Listening
Skill or Alchemy?
The Strategies of Speaking Rhythm
Strategy #1—Change the conversation— employ high arousal to disturb or disrupt
Strategy #2—Back off and slow down
Strategy #3—Identify the rhythm
Strategy #4—Go silent
Strategy #5—Lose the stress
Takeaway
Chapter 11 - The Importance of Being Human and Humorous
An Introduction to Being Human
“Soft v Hard Arts”: Entering the Dojo
The Beginning of Trust: Show You Are Human
Accusations and Recovery in Negotiation
Breaking the Ice in Negotiations
Human Haggling and Halfsies…
Takeaway
Chapter 12 - Speaking—Say This, Not That
When Choices Grow Up
Substitution is an Easier Form of Change
The Core Elements of Language Substitution
Takeaway
Chapter 13 - The Honesty Strategy
The Emperor’s New Clothes
The Danger of Collective Self-Deception
Verbal Clues
Own the Power of Honesty
Takeaway
Chapter 14 - Backstories and How to Uncover What is Really Going On
“That Doesn’t Make any Sense”
Finding the Backstory: Think Like Colombo and Ask Questions Like an Investigative Reporter
Takeaway
Chapter 15 - The Power of Sincerity
“Sincerely…”
Discovering sincerity
“No wax” negotiations
“I Yam What I Yam”
The Sincerity Principle in Action
Takeaway
Chapter 16 - The Value of Unreasonable People
Some of the Best Deals Involve Unreasonable People
Takeaway
Chapter 17 - The Winning Power of Silence
A Steve Jobs Strategy
Respect the Power of Silence
Silence and the Law of Supply and Demand
The Creative Component of Silence
The “Silence Strategy” in Negotiations
How to Use the “Silence Strategy” Effectively
Takeaway
Chapter 18 - Battling Mind-Drift
The “What did you just say?” Syndrome
Mind-wandering
The Ready Mind
The Importance of Nonverbal Communication
Techniques for Managing Mind Drift
Takeaway
Chapter 19 - Engagement and Understanding
The Three Core Aspects of Understanding
Confirming Understanding
Walking in the Other Person’s Shoes
Getting to the “Uniqueness”
Takeaway
Chapter 20 - The “Must-Haves” of Negotiation
Negotiation is an Iterative Process
Takeaway
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Notes