How to be polite in Japanese

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HOW TO BE POLITE " IN

Osamu Mizutani and Nobuko Mizutani

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THE JAPAN TIMES, LTD. TOKYO, JAPAN 1987

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First edition, February 1987 Tenth printing, December 1993 A ll rights reserved. Copyright © 1987 by Osamu M izutani and Nobuko M izutani Cover art by C A D E C Inc. Editorial assistance and indexing by Janet Ashby. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, by photocopy, mimeograph, or any other means, without permission. For information, write: The Japan Times, Ltd. 5-4, Shibaura 4-chome, Minato-ku, Tokyo 108, Japan. 1SB N 4-7890-0338-8 Published in Japan by The Japan Times, Ltd. This and many other fin e books on Japan and the Japanese culture and language are published by The Japan Times, Ltd. located at 5-4, Shibaura 4-chome, Minato-ku, Tokyo 108, Japan.

PRINTED IN JAPAN

PREFACE

Japanese ideas o f politeness have developed within a closed soci­ ety, relatively speaking. People have lived in close quarters genera­ tion after generation, sharing the same values and being careful not to hurt others. The constant use o f aizuchi, the finishing up o f what another person has started to say, the frequent expression o f concern about others — these have developed in a homogeneous society. However, now and in the future the Japanese also face the necessity o f communicating with foreigners and, even more impor­ tantly, with other Japanese whom they do not know well. They can no longer expect others to share the same values or the same set o f experiences. They have to be more specific and clear in their selfexpression, and be more ready to state their own opinions. But this does not mean that polite Japanese will fall out o f use or prove to be totally unsuited to a new age. On the contrary, it will be even more effective in communications between persons who do not know each other well. Consideration towards others will be the paramount factor in communications in the future, and polite language in Japanese is in essence the expression o f consideration towards others.

January 1987 Osamu and Nobuko Mizutani

ill

ACK NO W LEDGM ENTS

W e take pleasure in publishing a book on how to be polite in Japanese. Since the publication o f “ A n Introduction to Modern Japanese’ ’ and “ Nihongo Notes,’ ’ we have met many foreigners wishing to know how to speak and behave politely in Japanese. Urged on by their enthusiasm, we have worked on this matter, and tried to explain it as systematically as possible. W e wish to express our gratitude to the many people who have made this book possible. Such institutions as the Japan Founda­ tion, the Y M C A English School, the English Language Education Council and the Japan Association o f Language Teachers provided Nobuko Mizutani with a chance to speak about this matter in English, and the audiences attending the lectures raised many stimulating questions. And we would also like to indicate our gratitude to Janet Ashby, who carefully corrected the English and gave us valuable suggestions.

IV

CONTENTS

Preface ...................................................................................... A cknow ledgm en ts.....................................................................

iii iv

I N T R O D U C T I O N : P O L IT E N E S S I N J A P A N E S E ___ 1. Present-day P o lite Lan gu age in J a p a n ..................... 2. Factors D ecid in g the L e v e l o f P o lit e n e s s ................. (1) F a m ilia rity ................................................................... (2) A g e .............................................................................. (3) Social re la tio n s ........................................................... (4) Social status................................................................. (5) Gender ......................................................................... (6) Group m em bership.............................. (7) Situation ..................................................................... 3. V e rb a l and N o n ve rb a l P o lite n e s s ............................... PART I

P O L IT E N E S S I N A T T I T U D E .......................

1 1 3 3 4 6 8 9 10 14 14 17

1. H o w to T a lk P o l i t e l y .......................................................17 (1) A i z u c h i ......................................................................... 17 (2) Finishing U p ............................................................... 21 (3) Leaving elements u n said.............................................. 25 (4) Sounding h esitan t....................................................... 30 (5) Sounding in d ir e c t....................................................... 33 2. W h a t to T a lk A b o u t and W h a t N o t to T a lk A b o u t . 37 (1) A p o lo gy and gra titu d e................................................ 37 (2) The taking o f b la m e ................................................... 41 (3) H olding back (not puttingoneself fo r w a r d )................. 43 (4) Compliments and evalu ation ...................................... 45 (5) Explanation and discussion........................................ 49 3. T h e N o n v e rb a l E xpression o f P o lit e n e s s ................. 52 (1) Verbal and nonverbal politeness................................ 52 (2) B o w in g ......................................................................... 53

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(3) Speaker-listener d istan ce............................................ (4) Other examples o f polite body language..................... P A R T II

57 57

V E R B A L P O L I T E N E S S ................................

59

1. L e v e l o f S p e e c h ............................................................. (1) Polite speech and familiar speech .............................. (2) The use o f plain forms in polite speech....................... (3) Politeness and voca b u la ry.......................................... (4) Differences between men’ s and women’ s speech........ (5) Refined speech— new tendencies................................

59 59 63 69 72 78

2. T h e Expression o f R e s p e c t .......................................... 80 (1) Respect toward a p erso n .............................................. 81 (2) Respect toward a person’ s belongings......................... 90 (3) Respect toward a person’ s con d ition ........................... 92 (4) Respect toward a person’ s action s............................... 94 3. T h e E xpression o f H u m ilit y ........................................ 97 (1) The expression o f humility about oneself, one’ s associates and one’ s con d itio n .................................... 98 (2) The expression o f humility about one’ s action s......... 101 4. T h e Expression o f R e s e r v e .......................................... 106 (1) Reserved expressions used when addressing someone . 107 (2) Reserved expressions used when making a request . . . 108 (3) Reserved expressions used when stating an opinion ..111 (4) Reserved expressions used when stating one’ s conven in en ce...................................................................... 116 (5) A reserved developmento f conversation...................... 119 5. T h e Expression o f G iv in g and R eceivin g Favors . . . . 121 (1) Referring to having received a f a v o r ...........................121 (2) Expressions o f giving and receiving concrete objects . 124 (3) Expressions o f doing and receiving fa v o r s ................. 129 P A R T III

C O N C E R N F O R O T H E R S .......................... 133

1. P o lite Lan gu age and H um an R e la t io n s ................... 133 2. T h e E xpression o f Friendliness and In t im a c y ..........133 (1) The use o f particles....................................................... 133 (2) The use o f kinship te rm s ................................................140 (3) A n emphasis on being to g e th e r.................................... 141 \

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3.

T h e Expression o f C o n c e r n ....................................... 144 (1) Daily expressions...........................................................144 (2) Season’ s greetin gs.........................................................149 (3) C om p lim en ts.................................................................149 (4) Wishing w e l l .................................................................152 (5) Congratulations and sym path y.................................... 154 In d e x ..........................................................................................157

A n asterisk has been used to indicate ungrammatical or inap­ propriate sentences: “ Polite forms in modifying phrases, as in *Kore-w a k in o o kaim ashita hon desu (This is a book I bought yesterday), are understood but sound strange and foreign.”

Note Concerning Romanization The romanization used in this book is based on the Hepburn system with the following modifications. 1.

2.

W h en the s a m e v o w e l o c c u r s con­ secutively, the letter is repeated rather than using the mark. ex. T o o k y o o (instead of T o k y o ) The sound indicated by the hiragana ho is written with “ n ” regardless of what sound follows it. ex. s h in b u n (instead of shimbun) ex. s h in p a i (instead of shimpai)

The words connected with hyphens are pro­ nounced as one unit. ex. g e n k i-d e s u ex. S o o - d e s u - n e

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1.

Present-day Polite Language in Japan

K e ig o , the polite language in Japanese, has various aspects, but

one has to limit one’ s discussion in a small book like this. The sub­ ject o f discussion is therefore limited here to that o f present-day keigo in Japan and to its use in spoken language (including short notes and greeting cards). c h a n g e s in k e i g o There is a great difference between keigo before and after W orld W ar II, as postwar Japanese society has become highly democratized in language as well as other areas. The following is a list o f the major changes in postwar keigo. 1) Special polite terms used for referring to the emperor and his family members have been abolished. N ow in public reporting such as newspapers and television or radio news, a minimum polite wording is used for the imperial family. Before and during the war special terms were used to refer to the emperor and his family — for instance, when the emperor went out the special term g y o o k o o (His M ajesty’ s visit) was used. But now oid e-n i naru (one goes — polite) is used instead o f g y o o k o o , and in referring to other actions as well, usually the -areru form (as in yom areru ) or the o . . . ni naru form (as in o y o m i-n i naru ) is used. These polite wordings are not different from those commonly used in daily conversation when referring to one’ s acquaintances politely. 2) Terms referring to oneself and terms o f respect referring to others have been tremendously simplified. Before the war a dozen different terms — w atakushi, atakushi, atashi, atai, o re , washi, w agahai, te m a e, sh oosee, k o ch ito ra , etc. — were used to refer to oneself, but now just a few terms, such as watashi, b ok u , and ore,

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are used in most cases. Terms o f respect for family members were also numerous and complicated before and during the war, but now have been simplified. 3) W ide discrepancies have disappeared. There used to be great differences in politeness o f language between two different social classes such as between bosses and workers, customers and salesmen; but now the former talk more politely, and the latter less politely, than before. In a word, the Japanese people have today reached a high degree o f equality in language usage. 4) Gender differences in language usage have been minimized. Some very feminine expressions have disappeared since the war. Young women now seldom use such expressions as Shiranakute-yo (I don’t know) and D ek in a i k o to -y o (I can’ t do that) in familiar speech; such expressions as odekake-asobashim ashita (he went out) for od eka ke-ni narim ashita are also seldom heard in polite female speech. A t the same time, men’ s speech has become more refined and, in a way, closer to feminine speech. Men add the honorific “ o ” to more words now than before; och a and okashi are more common than cha and kashi, and o b e n to o , okan e and osake are now used by many men. 5) However age differences have not undergone as much change. Older people are still referred to and spoken to politely even in present-day society. Probably this aspect has undergone the least amount o f change. And generational differences are very strong even now. Young students speak politely to students a year or two ahead o f them. This is discussed in more detail in the next section, “ Factors deciding the level o f politeness” (c f. senpai, k o o h a i). A ll in all postwar polite Japanese has become much less com­ plicated than before, but this probably does not mean that much to those who are studying Japanese as a foreign language. T o them, the Japanese system o f expressing politeness must seem very com­ plicated. In this book we will try to analyze being polite in

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Japanese and present it in a clear and simple way; in the process we must unfortunately ignore points that are not commonly needed in daily life or that are limited to a certain group or locality. However, we believe that foreigners can understand any subtle point whatever in Japanese and can use it if they so desire; we do not believe in a “ gaijin Japanese” different from the Japanese o f native speakers.

2.

Factors Deciding the Level o f Politeness

(1 ) F a m iliarity The first factor in deciding the level o f speech is, as in the case o f English, degree o f acquaintance or intimacy. Namely, when one speaks to a stranger or when one meets someone for the first time, one uses the polite form. in tr o d u c in g o n e s e lf When you are introduced to some­ one, you will use the polite form as in H ajim em ashite. Jonson-desu. D o o z o yoroshiku. (Glad to

meet you. I ’ m Mr./Mrs./Miss Johnson.) t e le p h o n e

When you answer a telephone call, you usually

say M osh im osh i, Jonson-desu.

or even M osh im osh i, Jonson-de gozaim asu.

because you don’ t know to whom you are talking. When a Japanese answers a phone, he often says something like M osh im osh i, Takahashi-desu.

Then, i f he finds out that he is talking with an old friend o f his, he will suddenly change his tone as in

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E, donata-desu-ka. . . . Yamada-san? Takeshi? Naanda, kim i-ka. (M ay I ask who I ’ m talking to? Mr. Yamada?

Takeshi (first name)? Oh, it’ s you!) p u b lic s p e a k in g Needless to say, one uses the polite form when speaking to the general public. A television or radio an­ nouncer always uses the polite form, as in Konbanwa, sh ich iji-n o riyuusu-desu. (G ood evening. It’ s

seven o ’ clock, time for today’ s news.) Kyoo-w a

k o n o m on d a i-o

toria geru k o to -n i shimashita.

(This topic will be discussed today.)

(2 ) A g e The second factor is age. As a rule, older people talk in a familiar way toward younger people and younger people talk politely to older people. Am ong people o f the same age familiar conversation is common. c h ild r e n Children below a certain age, namely when they are not yet socially trained, use the plain form to everyone regardless o f age. Some parents start training them to talk politely to others before they go to elementary school, but an average child doesn’ t start trying to talk politely until after entering elementary school at the age o f six. e le m e n t a r y sch ool School classmates start using familiar speech among themselves from the very beginning because they are regarded as knowing each other well by virtue o f belonging to the same class. Generally speaking, children are socially trained in terms o f speech during the six years o f elementary school, and when they finish this they start using polite forms toward older per­ sons and those they do not know well. —^ f a m i l y t e r m s They also start using different family terms depending on to whom they are talking. Namely they say ch ich i

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(my father) instead o f o toosa n (Daddy) and haha (my mother) in­ stead o f okaasan (M om m ie) when referring to their parents in social situations. s e n p a i, k o o h a i Although classmates are regarded as being on exactly the same level, students who are one year ahead in school are considered to be older and superior. The word senpai refers to those who are ahead o f one either in school or at work. I f persons are even one year senior to you, you have to use the polite form to them. s tu d e n ts The senpai-koohai relationship is surprisingly strong among Japanese students. Especially among students belonging to the same group in sports or some other activity, sen­ p a i are regarded as absolutely superior and k o o h a i have to obey them unconditionally. On the other hand, senpai are supposed to teach k o o h a i kindly and be as protective toward them as an older brother or even a parent. This is not limited to male students; woman have similar relations, especially among those who belong to the same sports team. The levels o f speech are quite different among senpai and k o o h a i ; a senpai uses the plain form and a k o o h a i uses the polite form . This distinction is usually strictly observed, sometimes more so than between teachers and students. w ork ers The senpai-kooha i relation is also seen in com­ panies and other workplaces. Those who enter later are regarded as k o o h a i who should respect their senpai. Needless to say, the degree o f strictness with which this distinction is observed varies depend­ ing on the group; generally speaking, the distinction is more strict in organizations o f larger scale. When k o o h a i are actually senior in age, it is difficult for a sen­ p a i to decide how to talk to them. In this case both the factors o f age and o f social relations have to be considered, and in fact fre­ quently more than one factor is involved when one decides on the degree o f politeness o f one’ s speech.

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(3 ) Social relations The third factor is social relations. Social relations here refers to such relationships as those between employers and employees, customers and salesmen, and teachers and students. This might also be called “ professional relations.” Generally speaking, those who are o f higher status, such as employers, customers, and teachers, will use either the plain form or the polite form, while those o f lower status use the polite form. b o ss & w o r k e r In some cases, both bosses and their men use plain forms, but usually bosses are spoken to politely. In big enterprises bosses often use polite forms. A n average businessman — sarariiman in Japanese — will use polite forms towards his boss and plain forms towards fellow workers o f a similar age. Here also, the age factor has to be considered. Namely, a boss will often use polite forms toward a worker who is older, depend­ ing on the situation. I f the boss is required to act in terms o f social relations, he will use the plain form. For instance, when the depart­ ment chief is present, a section chief will use the plain form toward his men regardless o f their age, but when the section chief is alone with an older worker, or when they are outside the company hav­ ing tea together, he is likely to use the polite form. c u s to m e r & s a le s m a n Between customers and salesmen, the basic principle is superior and inferior; salesmen are supposed to use polite language towards customers. But there are several other factors which are also used when deciding degree o f politeness. (p r ic e ) Generally speaking, those who sell costly merchan­ dise talk more politely than those who sell inexpensive articles. Salesmen who deal with merchandise such as jewels, cars, and ex­ pensive clothes talk very politely. On the other hand, fish and vegetable sellers use a rather rough language. The same salesman can change language depending on the price o f the merchandise. Just recently, a teacher o f Japanese we know carried out a small investigation. She accompanied tens o f foreign

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students visiting real estate offices to find rooms to rent. The students wanted to find apartments renting for about 30,000 yen a month, and the real estate agents always spoke to them using the plain form. However, an acquaintance o f ours who was looking for a place for about 300,000 yen reports that the real estate agents spoke very politely to her. (fa m ilia r it y ) In the case o f daily transactions in cheaper ar­ ticles, the factor o f familiarity also enters into deciding the level o f speech. This is probably because people used to, and generally still do, buy daily merchandise in the neighborhood. (a g e ) When the customer is a child, the age factor is at work, and the salesclerk will use the plain form. (k in d s o f m e r c h a n d is e ) Sometimes the level o f speech has somehow been traditionally set by occupation. First, bank clerks are always polite while clerks at post offices often use the plain form. One reason may be that post offices deal with customers from the neighborhood and another may be that they are mostly run by the government, although government workers are recently trying to be friendly and polite towards the public. (t a x i) Some taxi drivers talk politely to their customers but most o f them are quite blunt. Although some taxi companies are trying to instruct their drivers to talk politely, most customers still have the idea that taxi drivers are supposed to talk somewhat roughly. Somehow there is a general understanding that they are allowed to use the plain form. (r e s t a u r a n t ) Polite language is used in restaurants and familiar speech in inexpensive ones. Som>. su„ „ shops are quite expensive, but the speech may not sound very polite. There is a general understanding that speech should be brisk among those who deal with food that easily spoils. (s a le s m e n 's g r e e t i n g s ) A shop worker usually greets customers when they come in with

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Irasshaimase. (W elcom e.)

or sometimes, more briefly, Irasshai!

but the customer usually remains silent. This may strike foreigners as strange. (Some Japanese also feel ill at ease with this; they will say something like K onnichiw a (G ood day), Konbanwa (Good evening) or D o o m o (H ello ).) This should be considered to be a social practice somewhat like a stage drama, with the worker acting the role o f a servant and the customer that o f a lord. This has nothing to do with social stand­ ing; to prove this, a sushi cook who today greets customers politely and is ignored will go into another sushi shop tomorrow when tak­ ing his day o ff, be greeted politely, and ignore this greeting. Those who feel ill at ease with this custom may answer with K on ­ nichiw a, Konbanw a or D o o m o . And when leaving a restaurant after a meal, a customer can either say nothing at all or say C o ch is o o s a m a . (Thank you for the good meal.)

or D oom o.

which can mean “ Thank you very much.”

(4 ) Social status People o f a certain social standing are usually spoken to and referred to politely. In prewar Japan members o f the aristocracy such as dukes, earls, and the emperor and his family members were spoken to and referred to with special polite terms. th e e m p ero r Especially in referring to the emperor, various special terms were in use before W orld W ar II, but now the emperor and his family members are reported about in the mass media with the minimum level o f polite terms. Before and during

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the war the emperor’ s visit somewhere was referred to in such special terms as g y o o k o o , which was used only for the emperor (fo r the empress and the crown prince, a different special term, g y o o k e e , was used). N ow a visit by the emperor is reported with o id e-n i narim ashita or ikarem ashita, adding the polite suffix -rareru. Except in the case o f the emperor and his family members, no special expressions o f respect are now used in public reporting. h ig h s o c ia l s t a n d in g As far as public reporting, both writ­ ten and oral, is concerned, all people are thus treated equally with the exception o f the emperor and his family. But in daily conversa­ tion, certain occupations are still treated with respect. Such persons as medical doctors, high-ranking government officials, statesmen, university professors, and company directors are usually spoken to politely. in d ir e c t in flu e n c e But the idea o f social status affects the use o f language in an indirect way. People often try to adopt what is regarded as the linguistic custom o f the upper classes. Since families in the upper classes are thought to use polite terms toward elder members, some parents try to train their children to use such polite speech, especially in the presence o f others. Thus, even in a household where everybody uses plain forms, when a visitor comes the mother makes the children use the polite forms towards their parents and she will talk politely to her husband.

(5) G ender Besides familiarity, age, social relations and social standing, there are several other factors that come into play in language usage, and gender is one o f them. Speech tends to be more familiar between people o f the same sex than between men and women. This is especially true with older people who were brought up and educated with members o f their own sex. (Differences between men’ s and women’ s speech are discussed in more detail in Part II.)

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(6 ) G ro u p m em bership in -g r o u p a n d o u t- g r o u p d is tin c tio n s The Japanese use different expressions and terms o f respect when referring to others depending on to whom they are talking. This is not limited to the case o f Japanese. In English too, one refers to one’ s own wife or husband in different ways depending on the situation; you might use your w ife ’ s name when speaking about her with a friend, but use the term “ M other” or “ M om m ie” when speaking with your children. However, this distinction is a little more complicated in

Japanese. in -g r o u p f a m i l y t e r m s Older family members should be addressed with terms o f respect, as in Otoosan (Father)

Otoochan

Otoosama

(Father, more polite)

(Daddy, more familiar) Okaachart

Okaasan (Mother)

Okaasama

Oniisan (Older brother) Oneesan (Older sister)

Oniisama (more polite) Oneesama (more polite)

(Mother, more polite)

(Mommie, more familiar) Ortiichan (more familiar) Oneechan (more familiar)

In addressing younger family members, their first name or their first name plus “ san” or “ c h a r t” is used, as in Yoshio (boy’s name) Kazuko (girl’s name)

Yoshio-san (more polite) Kazuko-san (more polite)

Yoshio-chan (more familiar) Kazuko-chan (more familiar)

o u t- g r o u p f a m ily t e r m s The above terms are not always used when referring to family members in conversation with non­ family members; only in the following situations are they used in the same way: (1) when the listener is a very close friend (2) when the speaker is a child and has not reached the age when such distinctions are expected. Otherwise one has to use the terms found below. c h ic h i

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(my father)

,

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(my mother) (my older brother) (my older sister) o to o to (my younger brother) — or his name im o o to (my younger sister) — or her name haha

ani ane

N o terms o f respect such as “ san” are added. i d e n t ific a t io n w it h t h e fa m ily This distinction is based on the idea that one should identify oneself with one’ s family. Therefore when talking with others about one’ s family, one refers to them just as one would refer to oneself. This means that one does not use polite expressions when referring to them, just as it would sound strange i f you used polite language about yourself. Thus when speaking with an acquaintance, one does not say something like *O toosan-w a ima u ch i-n i irasshaimasen. (Father is not at

home now — irasshaimasen is an expression o f respect.) This sentence is perfectly all right i f used to refer to someone else’ s father. Or it can also be used if you are talking to your child, as in C h il d :

O to o sa n -w a ? (W here’s Father?)

M other:

im a

u chi-n i irasshaimasen-yo.

(H e ’ s not at

home now.) O toosa n , irasshaimasen-ka. (Isn’t your father at home?) Y o u : Ima orim asen. Haha-nara orimasu-ga. (N o, he’ s not at home. M y mother’ s home, though — orimasen, orim asu are humble expressions.) N e ig h b o r :

This is not limited to the form o f expression but also applies to the content o f what one should say about one’s family. For instance, one does not usually praise members o f one’ s own family in con­ versation with acquaintances, nor does one freely accept com­ pliments on them from others. This can easily be understood if one

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remembers that one is supposed to identify oneself with one’ s family. id e n t ific a t io n w it h a n o r g a n iz a t io n This distinction made when speaking with those inside and outside one’ s group is not limited to family members, but is extended to organizations to which one belongs — usually the company for which one works. Suppose you telephone the director o f a company, for instance, saying M osh im osh i, shachoo-san, irasshaimasu-ka. (H ello, is the

director there?) His secretary will answer either Hai, orimasu. (Yes, he is.)

or lie, ima orim asen-ga. ( I ’ m sorry, but he’ s out.)

She will use humble expressions like “ orim a su ” and “ orim a s e n .” The director is her boss within the company and she will use polite expressions when talking with him directly, but she uses humble ex­ pressions when talking with someone from outside the company. In such cases terms o f respect are not used. Company employees refer to their director as “ S h a c h o o ” (Director) or Yamada without adding “ sari,” as in Shachoo-w a m am on aku m odorim asu. (The director will be

back shortly.) Yamada-wa ima dekakete-orim asu. (Yamada is out now.)

And i f someone should ask to speak with Mr. Yamada, the section chief, as in M osh im osh i, Yamada-san-ni onegai-shimasu.

one o f the members o f his section will say something like

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Yamada-desu-ka.

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C h o tto

om a ch i-kud asa i.

(I

will

get

Yamada for you. Please wait a moment.) This is because one identifies oneself with the company where one works. One’ s colleagues are regarded as a kind o f family; therefore even a young secretary will refer to the director o f her company without any terms o f respect when talking with someone from out­ side. This is like referring to one’ s father as “ c h ic h i ” (my father) rather than “ O to o s a n ” (Father) in social situations. d e g r e e o f id e n t ific a t io n This identification with a com­ pany is common but not as common as identifying oneself with family members. The degree o f identification with the organization one works for varies depending on the organization. Generally speaking, workers in larger and more conservative organizations have a stronger sense o f identification with them. In organizations where people’ s sense o f union is loose, such as schools and hospitals, clerks will use polite terms to refer to teachers and doc­ tors even when speaking with out-group persons. I f you say on the telephone Yamada-sensee, onegai-shimasu. (M ay I speak to Profes-

sor/Dr. Yamada, please?) a clerk or nurse will say Ima irasshaimasen. (H e ’ s not here now — irasshaimasen is an expression o f respect.)

rather than saying Ima orim asen.

Since the degree o f identification differs from one organization to another, some training in this matter is usually required. In large companies it is common to set aside a few weeks o f the training period for new employees to teach them an appropriate way o f speaking.

13

IN T R O D U C T IO N :

P O L IT E N E S S

IN

JAPANESE

(7 ) Situation People also change levels o f speech depending on the situation, even when talking with the same person. When two people have a falling-out with each other, they often change their language. There are two types o f change — from polite to familiar and from familiar to polite. The former is less sophisticated than the latter. In quarrels, unsophisticated speakers start calling each other bad names and using rough language, while sophisticated speakers use polite language. Changing to a more polite language shows that the speaker no longer has close relations with the listener. W omen, who are usually more linguistically conscious than men, tend to follow the latter course. Very often an angry wife will start talking very politely. When she wants to return to her parents’ home after a quarrel with her husband, instead o f saying Kaeru-wa. ( I ’ m going home — familiar)

or Kaerimasu. ( I ’ m going home — polite)

she will use very polite expressions like Kaerasete-itadakim asu. (W ith your permission, I ’ d like to

be excused and go home — very polite.)

Verbal and Nonverbal Politeness a p o lo g iz in g f o r r u d e n e s s Politeness must be expressed by all o f one’ s actions; using polite verbal expressions correctly is just part o f being polite in Japanese. T o be fully polite one is expected to always reflect on one’ s actions and ask oneself if one has not been rude unintentionally. Thus the Japanese frequently use apologetic expressions such as Sum im asen ( I ’ m sorry), Shitsureeshimashita (Excuse me — I have been rude) and C om en-kudasai (Excuse me).

14

VERBAL AN D

NONVERBAL

P O L IT E N E S S

f o l l o w i n g t h e a p p r o p r ia t e s te p s In addition to verbally asking for forgiveness for one’ s rudeness, one should also try to minimize the trouble one might cause by talking to someone. Thus, one must go through the appropriate steps when starting a conver­ sation and developing it. One should first attract the other person’ s attention and then in due course indicate the purpose o f one’ s con­ versation. This process will be explained further in Part I, but if one is merely fluent in verbal expressions and neglects going through the proper steps one will sound very rude, even ruder than a clumsy speaker. The Japanese in fact tend to value the nonverbal expression o f politeness more highly than verbal politeness. Thus a speaker who is not very fluent but shows a polite hesitancy and fear o f being rude will often be warmly received. to n e The tone o f speech is also very important in sounding polite. In Japanese conversation, a hesitant tone indicates reserve while sounding too definite when giving one’ s opinion can seem ag­ gressive. This will also be treated more fully in Part I. b o d y la n g u a g e Nonverbal behavior such as bowing, hand­ ing things over to others, and keeping an appropriate distance from the listener is also important in conveying a polite attitude. I f these are not used properly, one can be impolite without meaning to do so. This will be discussed in the last section o f Part I.

15

PART I

1.

P O L IT E N E S S IN A T T IT U D E

H ow to Talk Politely

(1) Aizuchi fr e q u e n t resp o n se When two Japanese converse, the listener frequently gives short reply words like Ee, H ai, Soo-desune, and N a ru h o d o . For example, when the speaker says K in o o H akon e-e ikim ashitara . . . (When I went to Hakone

yesterday) the listener says Ee.

Then the speaker continues . . . m idori-ga kiree-deshita-ga . . . (the green leaves were beautiful but) and the listener says Ee, ee.

Then the speaker says . . . kurum a-ga o o k u te . . . (there were so many cars) and the listener says Aa, soo-deshoo-ne. (That must be so.)

Then the speaker concludes his sentence by saying . . . taihen-deshita-yo. (W e had a hard time.)

17

PART

I

P O L IT E N E S S

IN A T T I T U D E

The listener now says Soo-desu-ka. Jitsu-wa w atashi-m o kyonen H akone-e ikim ashita-ga . . . (Is that right? As a matter o f fact I too

went to Hakone last year.) Then the former speaker listens saying Ee, ee. a iz u c h i These reply words are called aizuchi. A iz u c h i are not quite replies; they are given as a sign to show that the listener is listening attentively and has understood so far, and to encourage the speaker to go on. Therefore saying Ee or H ai does not necessarily mean “ yes” or “ I agree with you.” Sometimes foreigners take these reply words for expressions o f agreement and are unpleasantly surprised to find out that they are not.

w h a t d o e s a iz u c h i m e a n ? The word aizuchi comes from two swordsmiths hammering a blade in turn. The word ai means “ doing something together,” as in such words as aite (a person to do something with, like hanashi-aite — a person to talk with; kekkon-a ite — a person to marry; and soodan-aite — a person to consult with), or aiseki (sitting at the same table in a restaurant) and several others; tsuchi means “ a hammer” ( tsuchi becomes z u c h i when combined with ai). T w o people talking and frequently exchanging response words is thus likened to the way two sword­ smiths hammer on a blade.

18

HOW

TO TALK

P O L IT E L Y

t h e fu n c tio n o f a iz u c h i In Japanese conversation, the listener constantly helps the speaker with aizuchi, and the speaker is always conscious o f the listener’ s aizuchi — the roles o f the speaker and the listener are not completely separated. This use o f constant aizuchi in the flow o f conversation can be likened to the use o f commas and periods in the written language. Thus aizuchi are essential in Japanese conversation, and they have to be given correctly in order to communicate properly in Japanese. h o w t o g i v e a iz u c h i A iz u c h i must be given in a way such that they do not interfere with the flow o f speech. They are usually spoken softly and have to be given at the right moment, namely ex­ actly when the speaker expects them. A speaker asks for aizuchi by slowing down in the last part o f the phrase and saying it with a dangling intonation. For instance, instead o f saying K in o o odenwa-shimashita-ga. (I called yesterday)

he says K in o o odenwa-shi-ma-shi-ta-ga . . . .

I f you give aizuchi before the speaker does this, he will feel that you want him to stop talking. In other words, this is equivalent to saying, “ A ll right, all right. That’s enough.” w o r d s u s e d a s a iz u c h i The most common words used as aizuchi are hai, e e , un, haa, na ruh od o, soo-desu-ka, and sood e sh o o-n e . H ai is used in polite conversation, ee is most often used in informal conversation, and un is used only in familiar talk. Haa is a variant o f hai. Sometimes these words are repeated to show enthusiasm as in “ Hai, hai” ; “ Ee, e e ” ; or “ un, u n .” N a ru h od o is used mainly by men, but avoided in polite speech. Soo-desu-ka (Is that right?) and S oo-d esh oo-n e (That must be so) are also used often. Besides these words, various exclamations such as h o o , hee, aa, and huun are used. Sometimes the listener changes his aizuchi words from more

19

PART

I

P O L IT E N E S S

IN A T T IT U D E

polite ones to less polite ones to show that he is so absorbed in what the speaker is saying that he has forgotten all considerations o f politeness. fr e q u e n c y o f a iz u c h i The average number o f aizuchi per minute is, disregarding individual differences, about 20 — from 12 to 26, according to a study made by one o f the authors. Since the average number o f syllables per minute o f speech is about 400, an average listener gives aizuchi every 20 syllables or so. There are individual and situational differences. Some people give more aizuchi than others; those leading a discussion or con­ ducting an interview, for example, will give aizuchi more frequently. The fact that an average listener gives aizuchi every 20 syllables is significant, as many sentences have a length o f about 20 syllables and in longer sentences people generally pause after a phrase o f about 20 syllables. For instance, Senjitsu-wa

taihen

gochisoosam a-deshita.

(Thank

you

very much for the nice meal the other day.) has 18 syllables. Shinkansen-ni notte-ita ra jishin-ga atte . . . (When I was riding on the Shinkansen, there was an earthquake and . . .)

has 20 syllables. A fter listening to phrases like these, the average listener will give aizuchi. And the speaker softens and slows his tone when expecting aizuchi. This can be shown as follows.

Sometimes aizuchi are given before the last part o f the phrase is completed.

HOW

TO TALK

P O L IT E L Y

a b s e n c e o f a iz u c h i When two people are conversing and giving aizuchi regularly, the absence o f aizuchi will mean that the listener has not understood or does not want to continue the con­ versation. Therefore, Japanese speakers will start worrying if someone listens quietly without giving aizuchi when expected. They will especially feel uneasy at the absence o f aizuchi when speaking on the telephone, because they are unable to see the listener’ s facial expression. They will soon start sounding uneasy and repeat “ m o s h im o s h i.” In polite conversation, one often indicates a lack o f understand­ ing with facial expression as well as the absence o f aizuchi rather than by verbally telling the speaker that one has not understood. In this way the absence o f aizuchi in personal conversation means the existence o f some difficulty in communication. a iz u c h i a n d f o r e ig n e r s Although aizuchi are essential for conversing in Japanese effectively, foreigners often find it difficult to become used to them. It requires training and effort to become able to give aizuchi properly. The first step is to understand that aizuchi are n o t interruption but rather encouragement; the next step is to try to give aizuchi oneself. For those who find it extremely difficult to give verbal aizuchi, nodding can serve as aizuchi as long as one is not speaking on the phone. In fact, some Japanese use nodding instead o f verbal aizuchi. Especially when more than one person is listening, the main listener often gives verbal aizuchi while the other persons simply nod.

(2 ) Finishing up fin is h in g up t h e s p e a k e r 's s e n t e n c e s A Japanese listener sometimes finishes up what the speaker is going to say. For example, to make use o f the previous conversation about going to Hakone, after the first person has told about his trip, the second person will say

21

PART

I

P O L IT E N E S S

IN A T T IT U D E

Jitsu-wa w atashi-m o kyonen H akone-e . . . (/it. In fact, I

too last year to Hakone . . .) then the listener may say itta-n-desu-ka. (you went?)

Thus one sentence, Jitsu-wa w atashi-m o kyonen H akone-e itta-ndesu, is completed by two people; the listener completed the un­ finished sentence started by the speaker. (In polite conversation, the listener may use different expressions like irasshatta-n-desu-ka (you went?) and in familiar conversation more familiar expressions are used.) in d a ily c o n v e r s a t io n Finishing up someone’ s statement is very common in daily conversation. When the Japanese comment on the weather, they often split one sentence into two: A:

Kyoo-w a k a ze-m o nakute . . . (There is no wind today,

and . . .) B:

li otenki-desu-ne. (It ’ s a nice day, isn’t it?)

Or, when commenting on spring drawing near, they will talk like this: A : D a ib u atatakaku natte . . . (It has become much warmer and . . .) B: M o o sugu haru-desu-ne. (Spring is just around the corner.) Finishing up the speaker’s sentence is possible only when the rest o f the sentence can be guessed. Very often one can guess the rest from the situation. For instance, when someone has talked about going to Hakone and the other person says g u e s s in g

th e

rest o f th e s e n te n c e

W ata shi-m o kyonen H akone-e . . .

then the first person can guess that “ ikim ashita” should follow the phrase.

22

HOW

TO T A LK

P O L IT E L Y

The use o f adverbs that imply a negative statement also enables the listener to guess the rest o f the sentence. For instance, if some­ one has said S higoto-w a am ari um aku . . . (lit. The work not very suc­

cessfully . . .) the listener will say ikim asen-deshita-ka. (didn’t go, right?)

because am ari usually leads to a negative statement. d e s u a n d d e s h it a Sometimes such words as desu and deshita are used to finish up the speaker’ s unfinished sentences.

For instance, when a person has said Natsu-wa yappari biiru . . . (lit. The best thing to have in

summer . . . beer.) the listener is very likely to say desu-ne. (it is, isn’ t it?)

In the same way, various other words like desu are used. When someone has said Senshuu-no kin'yoobi-w a am e . . . (lit. Friday last week . . .

rainy.) the listener is likely to say deshita. (it was)

or datta-ne. (it was, wasn’ t it? — familiar)

Sometimes such phrases as da-to om oim a su (I think it is . . .), k a m o shirem asen (may be . . .), and yoona ki-ga shimasu (it seems to me . . .) are also used in answer. For instance, A:

Natsu-wa yappari biiru . . .

23

PART I

P O LIT E N E S S

IN A T T IT U D E

B:

. . . da-to om oim asu.

A: B:

. . . datta yoona ki-ga shimasu.

or Senshuu-no kin'yoobi-w a am e . . .

When a statement is said in one breath and with no sign o f encouraging the listener to say anything, the listener usually does not try to finish the sentence. When the first part o f a sentence ends with a sustained tone, the listener either finishes it or gives some aizuchi. a s ig n o f p a r t ic ip a t io n Finishing up someone’ s unfinished sentence is usually regarded as impolite in English — an English speaker will do this only when the speaker is obviously looking for help in finding the right word. In Japanese conversation, however, finishing up someone’s statement is often regarded as a sign o f interested participation, and consequently considered to be good. This is similar to aizuchi in that it is done in order to encourage the speaker. d i f f e r e n t id e a s o f c o n v e r s a t io n This difference comes from different ideas o f what a conversation should be. In the English idea o f conversation or dialogue, one statement is finished and then another statement follows, but in Japanese conversation, even one statement can be made up by two people. t o n e u sed t o in v it e fin is h in g up

English:

Japanese:

A B

____________

____ -----------...

a

B

_______ ------------...............

“

g r o u p c o n v e r s a t io n In group conversation one sentence can even be split into more than two parts, as in

A:

Are-w a

tashika

kyonert

. . . ( lit. That

memory is correct last year . . .)

24

...

if my

HOW

TO TALK

P O LIT E LY

B:

D atta yoona ki-ga shimasu . . . (lit. was . . . it seems to

C:

Kedo-ne. (. . . , though.)

me . . .) ( I f my memory is correct, that was last year, wasn’t it?) This type o f talking is common in conversation among those who share the same feelings about a topic, and it helps build up good relations among them. in K a b u k i The extreme expression o f this idea can be found in Kabuki plays. You may have heard several actors lined up on the stage say phrases by turns and finally complete a statement. This is called warize rifu (divided line). T o simplify it, it goes like this. 1st actor: S o ros o ro 2nd actor: jikan-desu-kara 3rd actor: m oo 4th actor: dekakem ashoo. (Since it’ s about time, let’ s go out.) This Kabuki practice is a stage technique, but it shows how the Japanese are used to, and like, sharing one statement with other speakers.

(3 ) L e a v i n g e le m e n ts u n s a id

in c o m p le t e s e n t e n c e s You have probably noticed that the Japanese often leave part o f their sentences unsaid. For instance, when a complete sentence would go

AAoo jikan-desu-kara dekakem ashoo. (L et’ s go out since it is time now.)

25

PART

I

PO LITEN ESS IN A T T IT U D E

they often say just M o o jikan-desu-kara . . . (Since it is time now . . .)

and leave the last part unsaid. The omitted part is sometimes finished up by the other person, as in . . . dekakem ashoo-ka. (shall we go out?)

and sometimes it is expressed by a nonverbal means like nodding or bowing. Or, a wife may say to her husband M o o jikan-desu-kedo . . . (It ’ s time now, but . . .)

implying “ don’t you have to get ready to go out?” in v it in g t h e lis t e n e r t o c o m p le t e a s t a t e m e n t A t first glance, these expressions ending in kara, n od e or k e d o may seem to be incomplete, and the Japanese may seem to be talking with in­ complete sentences or fragmentary expressions. But these expressions are not incomplete according to the Japanese idea o f conversation. The Japanese rather regard it as good to invite the listener to give an opinion or judgment by leav­ ing a certain part o f the sentence unsaid. kedo t io n s

u sed

fo r

a s k in g

fa v o r s

or

m a k in g

su gges­

When a hostess invites a visitor to come to the table for tea, she will say just O cha -ga

ha irim ashita-kedo

. . . ( lit . The tea is ready,

but . . .) implying that she wants the visitor to come to where the tea is served. She leaves out the phrase meaning“ please come and have some.” (She could also use kara instead o f k e d o; while saying kara implies that the speaker is asking someone to do a favor as a matter o f course, saying k ed o shows that one is hesitant about making this request.)

26

HOW

TO T A LK

PO LIT E LY

Or, say someone calls a person at home, and his wife answers the telephone. When asked i f her husband is there, she will often say H ai, orim asu -ked o . . . {lit. Yes, he is home, but . . .)

By leaving out the last part o f the sentence following kedo, she is waiting for the other person to continue Ja, onega i-sh im asu. (Please let me talk with him.) re s e r v e d a tt itu d e

Or, when asked if a certain date is con­

venient, one may say Watashi-wa kam aim asen-keredo . . . {lit. It’ s all right with

me, but . . .) and wait for the other person to propose checking with the others involved. One could complete the sentence by saying Watashi-wa kam aim asen-keredo, hoka-no h ito -n im o kiitekudasaimasen-ka. (It’ s all right with me, but would you ask

the others?) But it sounds more reserved to not complete the sentence and thereby invite the other person to suggest asking the others on his or her own accord. Thus, leaving a part o f the sentence unsaid so that the listener can supplement it is often more considerate and polite than just go­ ing ahead and completing one’ s own sentence. Many foreigners tend to go on and say everything because they believe that using complete sentences is more polite. But always completing one’ s own sentences can sound as if one is refusing to let the other person participate in completing a sentence which might better be com­ pleted by two people. m a in v e r b s l e f t o u t in r e q u e s t s Another factor in sound­ ing reserved is to leave out the main verb when making a request. Especially in the case o f the adverb d o o z o (please) various verbs are understood and left out. For instance, when a visitor arrives,

27

-

PART I

PO LITEN ESS

IN A T T IT U D E

the host or hostess will say “ D o o z o ” meaning “ Please come in.” A fter showing the visitor into the room, the host/ess will say “ D o o z o ” while offering a za b u to n or a chair to sit on. When serv­ ing tea and cookies, the host/ess will very often simply say “ D o o z o ” meaning “ Please have some.” And when seeing the visitor out, the host/ess will say M a ta d o oz o .

meaning “ Please come again.” Thus d o o z o is often used alone without a verb when the speaker’ s intentions are clear. And to make their intentions clear the Japanese usually bow or use other gestures. m a in v e r b s l e f t o u t in s e t e x p r e s s io n s There are also several set expressions where the main verb is left out, such as D o o z o yoroshiku (onegai-shim asu). (H ow do you do? — lit. Please be good to me.) D oozo

goyu kku ri (nasatte-kudasai).

(Please take your

time.) D o o z o oraku-ni (nasatte-kudasai). (Please relax.) O saki-ni (shitsuree-shimasu). (Excuse me — said when leav­

ing before someone else.) g iv i n g a n e g a t i v e e v a lu a t io n The last part o f the sentence is very often left out when giving a negative answer or negative opinion in order to show the speaker’ s reluctance. For in­ stance, when asked i f a certain day is convenient, one will say S o n o hi-wa d o o m o . . .

This literally means “ That day somehow . . . ,” but actually con­ veys the meaning that the day is inconvenient for one. As d o o m o is very often used to show reluctance or negative judgment, the part following it can be left out, as in: 28

HOW

A: B:

TO TALK

P O LIT E LY

K o n o -g o ro doo-desu-ka. (H ow are you these days?) l-n o guai-ga d o o m o . . . (M y stomach is not very

good.) Or, if someone says, while looking at a project plan H iy o o -n o ten-de d o o m o . . .

it means that he cannot approve it in terms o f the cost. The word c h o tto (a little bit) is also used in the same way, as in A n o-h ito-w a shigoto-w a yoku suru-kedo, hitogara-ga c h o t­ to .. . (H e is capable at work, but I don’ t quite like his per­

sonality.) And by using a hesitant, dangling tone, one can convey the same implication without even using such words as d o o m o and c h o tto . Sono-hi-w a . . . A no-hito-w a shigoto-w a yoku suru-kedo, hitogara-ga . . .

A negative statement is often understood and left out after k ed o or ga as well. Customers not satisfied with the merchandise shown

them by the storekeeper will say something like K o re -m o

kekkoo-desu-kedo/ga

...

(This

is all

right,

but . . .) leaving out a phrase meaning better/cheaper. ’ ’ w ord s

im p ly in g

th e

“ I ’ d like to

c o n tin u a n c e

of

see something th e

s ta te ­

m en t W ords such as kara, n od e, ked o, and ga are used to im­ ply that a statement is going to be continued or to ask the listener to continue. There are some other words used in this way. One is shi (and). This is used to connect two or more phrases o f similar meaning. For instance, Uchi-w a semai-shi, kazoku-ga ooi-sh i . . . (M y house is

small, and 1 have a large family and . . .)

29

PART I

P O LIT E N E S S

IN A T T IT U D E

implies that the speaker cannot agree to a visitor staying overnight. Tari is also used in this way. For instance, saying Yoru osoku -m ad e ook in a koe-d e shabettari, tereb i-o tsukete-itari-shite . . . (H e talks loudly until late at night,

has the television on, and . . .) implies that the speaker is complaining about a neighbor. (4 ) S o u n d i n g h e sita n t

a h e s it a n t t o n e Expressing one’ s reserve by sounding hesi­ tant is essential to being polite, perhaps even more so than using polite expressions. Sounding hesitant means that the speaker pro­ ceeds with his or her speech while waiting for the listener’ s reac­ tions rather than going on without paying any heed to the listener’ s feelings. This hesitant tone is very important in polite communica­ tion; it is used when addressing others, making requests, giving one’ s own opinion, or making a negative response or evaluation. Namely, it is used when one should show consideration for the listener’ s feelings. w h e n a d d r e s s in g s o m e o n e When addressing someone, one uses such expressions as a n o o , m o s h im o s h i , and c h o tto as well as personal names or the position o f the person. O f the above expressions, a n o o is the most commonly used. When pronounced with a dangling tone it shows reserve. When it is shortened to a n o and followed by ne as in A n o -n e !

it sounds familiar. M o s h im o s h i is used to attract the attention o f a stranger as well as to address someone on the telephone. Thus, when calling out to customers who have forgotten their change, a storekeeper will say M osh im osh i, otsuri-desu-yo. (Hey, you left your change.) C h o tto in this sort o f situation is familiar and can be rude.

30

HOW

TO TALK

PO LIT E LY

When the other person’s name is known to them, the Japanese will address them by name rather than by the second-person pro­ noun, as in Yamada-san! Yoshiko-san!

Position names are also used in this way: S h a ch o o ! (Company director) Okyakusart! (Customer) w h e n m a k in g r e q u e s t s Polite preliminary expressions are usually used when making requests; some examples are Sum im asen-ga . . . ( I ’ m sorry but . . .) O isogashii to k o ro sum im asen-ga . . . ( I ’ m sorry to trouble

you when you’ re busy.) O te s u u -o kakem asu-ga . . . ( I ’ m sorry to trouble you.)

These remarks are good to use, but they have to be said with the right tone. It is best to pause after such a remark and wait for the other person to respond before proceeding on to make your re­ quest. Thus, when going to someone working to ask for help, one should talk in the following way to be polite. A: B: A: B: A:

Anoo . . . Hai. O isogashii to k o ro sum im asen-ga . . . lie, kam aim asen-yo. (N o, that’ s all right.) Kore-desu-ga . . . (It ’ s about this.)

This type o f hesitant talk is preferred to speaking in one breath like A:

A no, oisogashii to k o ro sumimasen-ga, k o re c h o tto oshiete-kudasai.

31

PART I

P O LIT E N E S S

IN

A T T IT U D E

This means that to be merely verbally fluent is not desirable in terms o f politeness when making requests. req u e sts and d em an d s A hesitant tone implies that the speaker feels that he or she is asking for a special favor from the other person rather than demanding something that is their right. T o be polite, it is regarded as good to ask for something as a special favor even when it is well within one’ s rights. For instance, taking a day o f f or leaving work early to a certain extent can be regarded as perfectly legitimate nowadays if it causes no inconvenience, but it is still regarded as better to sound hesitant when exercising such a right. Thus, it is usually considered to be good to talk in the following way: A: B: A: B: A:

K a ch oo. (Section chief!) Un. O isogashii tokoro, c h o tto sum im asen-ga . . . lya, ii-yo. Jitsu-wa k o d om o -g a netsu-o dashim ashite . . . (A s a

matter o f fact, my child has a fever.) B: A:

Sore-wa ikenai-ne. (That’s too bad.)

B: A:

Soo. Sore-ja . . . (Is that so? Then . . .)

Kanai-wa shu tchoo-chu u-d esu -nod e . . . (M y wife is on

a business trip.) S h ig o to -n o hoo-w a kiri-ga tsukimashita-node, dekireba sukoshi hayaku . . . (The urgent portions o f

m y work have been finished, so i f it’ s possible . . .) B:

Aa, ii-yo. Hayaku kaerinasai. (A ll right. G o home

early.) It would not sound reserved if one talked without pause as in: A:

K a ch oo,

oisogashii

to k o ro

c h o tto

sumimasen-ga,

jitsu-w a k o d om o -g a netsu-o dashimashite, kanai-wa

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PO LIT E LY

shutchoo-chu u-desu -nod e, sh igoto-n o hoo-w a kiri-ga tsukimashita-kara dekireba sukoshi hayaku kaeritaino-desu-ga. w h e n e x p r e s s in g o n e 's o p in io n In polite situations one also tries to sound hesitant when giving an opinion. Usually one starts with Soo-d esu-nee . . . (W ell — said in a dangling tone)

and then proceeds to give one’ s opinion. One should not sound too ready to express oneself in a polite situation. (5 )

S o u n d i n g in d ir e c t

Another important factor when talking politely is to sound indirect. There are two ways o f sounding more indirect: one is using indirect expressions such as “ gurai/hodo/bakari” (about), “ d e m o ” (or something like that) and “ k a m o shirem asen” (may), and the other is suggesting one’ s point rather than stating it directly. a p p r o x im a t e n u m b e rs In social situations the Japanese like to refer to numbers or amounts in a nonspecific way. For in­ stance, when buying apples they will often say in d ir e c t n e s s

Mittsu-hodo/gurai/bakari kudasai. (Please give me about

three o f them.) instead o f saying M itts u kudasai.

Or, when suggesting a date to meet, they often say Ashita-atari doo-desu-ka. (H ow about around tomorrow?)

instead o f saying Ashita-wa doo-desu-ka.

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IN A T T IT U D E

Especially when asking a favor, they frequently use such expres­ sions as: Ichim an-en-ba kari kashite-itadakem asen-ka. (W ould you

lend me about 10,000 yen?) English-speaking people also use such expressions as “ about twen­ ty ,” “ a few ” or “ several,” but it seems to many Westerners that the Japanese overuse such expressions and dislike giving exact numbers. The use o f such expressions as “ h o d o ,” “ g u ra i,” and “ baka ri” shows that the speaker does not want to press the listener by demanding an exact amount. Rather one wants to make the listener comfortable by leaving some margin for choice. in d ir e c t r e f e r e n c e You may also have noticed that the Japanese tend to refer to things with indirect expressions like “ d em o” and “ n a d o ” (and others). These expressions are used mainly when offering proposals or suggestions: O c h a -d e m o nom im asen-ka. (H o w about having some tea?) E ega-d em o m im ashoo-ka. (H ow about going to a movie?)

A:

M a d a jikan-ga aru-n-desu-kedo. (I have some time to

B:

Ja,

kill.) zasshi-dem o

yondara

doo-desu-ka.

(Then why

don’t you read a magazine or something?) In such situations, “ o c h a -d e m o ” or “ e e g a -d e m o ” are preferred to “ o c h a -o ” or “ e e g a -o ” because they let the listener choose among several possibilities. One can order coffee or coke instead o f tea at a coffee shop when you have said “ o c h a -d e m o ” instead o f “ o c h a -o .” “ N a d o ” or “ nanka” (more familiar) are used when suggesting a possibility, as in:

34

HOW

A:

TO TALK

P O LIT E LY

K o n o shigoto, dare-ni tanom im ashoo-kane. (W hom

shall we ask to do this?) B:

Yam am oto-san-nanka doo-desu-ka. (H ow about Mr.

Yam am oto?) Or, a shopkeeper will say while showing merchandise: K ore-n a d o ikaga-deshoo. (H ow do you like this?) t h e in d ir e c t d e v e lo p m e n t o f a discu ssion Similarly, an indirect development is preferred when making a request. Suppose A has made an appointment to meet B at some time in the future but now wants to postpone this. He will talk with B in this way.

A:

Jitsu-wa Kyuushuu-kara tom od a ch i-ga kuru k o to -n i narim ashite. (A s a matter o f fact, a friend o f mine is

coming from Kyushu.) B: A: B: A: B: A:

Soo-desu-ka. (Is that so?) T ookyoo-w a hajim ete-nande. (This is his first visit to

T o k yo .) Ee. (Yes.) H aneda-m ade itte-yaranai-to . . . ( I ’m afraid I have to go to the airport to meet him.) Taihen-desu-ne. (That’ s a lot o f trouble, isn’ t it?) Ee, maa. Sore-ga m a zu i k o to -n i raigetsu-no took a d eshite . . . (Sort of. And that’ s unfortunately the 10th

o f next month.) B: A:

Aa, soo-desu-ka. (Oh, really?)

De, dekireba k o n d o -n o yakusoku-o c h o tto nobashiteitadakitai-n-desu-ga. (So, I wonder if we could postpone our meeting.)

This may seem very indirect and time-consuming. Not everybody proceeds this way every time, but this is the usual course in a reserved talk. And very often the listener, in this case B, will sense

35

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IN A T T IT U D E

what the other wants before the request is actually made. r e s p o n d in g t o a n im p lic it m e s s a g e The speaker thus often makes indirect requests, and the listener also responds to im­ plicit messages: this makes the indirect development o f speech pos­ sible. For instance, a man, usually a superior, will come into the room and say Kyoo-w a iya-ni atsui-nee. (It ’ s awfully hot today, isn’t it?)

A n d one o f his men will say “ h a i,” and hurry to open the window or turn on the air conditioner. He may even apologize saying D o o m o ki-ga tsukim asen-de . . . ( I ’ m sorry I didn’t notice.)

Some people will directly ask to have the window opened, but some people habitually express their requests indirectly and others will do so on occasion. Such indirect requests can be understood best between good friends or family members. T w o people who have shared the same experiences can understand each other’ s wishes without clearly indicating them; the other person will understand what is wanted through an indirect hint or a very short reference to it. And many Japanese seem to find pleasure in being with some­ one who understands them very well and so will sense their wishes and act to realize them without being asked. s e lf- d ir e c t e d s t a t e m e n t s Sometimes the Japanese will use self-directed statements to implicitly convey a request. For in­ stance, when one telephones someone and finds he is out, one may say Soo-desu-ka. K om atta-na. (Is that right? What should I

do?) “ K o m a tta -n a ” literally means “ I ’ m troubled.” This expression is directed to the speaker rather than to the listener. The listener can choose whether to ignore this or to offer to help in contacting the person as soon as possible. Not only requests but also complaints are often expressed in this

36

W H A T TO TALK ABO U T A N D W H A T NOT TO TALK ABOUT

way, although some people prefer direct remarks. A husband may say after tasting his coffee Nurui-na. (It’ s lukewarm.)

and it is likely that his wife will offer to warm it on her own accord.

2.

What to Talk About and What Not to Talk About

(1 )

A p o lo g y

a n d g r a t it u d e

a p o l o g e t i c e x p r e s s io n s o f g r a t it u d e Am ong the various expressions o f gratitude used daily are several that may seem to be ones o f apology rather than gratitude. In Japanese, gratitude is closely related with apology for having caused trouble to others. S u m im a s e n “ S u m im asen” is used not only to mean “ I ’ m sorry,” but also where an English-speaker would say “ Thank you.” For instance, when a visitor hands a gift such as fruits or candies to the host or hostess, “ Sum im asen” rather than “ A rig a to o -g o z a im a s u ” is often used in response. When receiving a gift a child will say “ D o o m o a rig a to o ” and between good friends one says “ A rig a to o ” when receiving a gift or some act o f kindness, but when one has to be polite one often uses “ Sum im asen “ S um im a sen ” is used to express gratitude when one didn’ t ex­ pect the act in question or when one feels one should not expect it. In such cases it is regarded as more polite to apologize for having caused so much trouble than to simply thank the other. There is some difference in usage according to generation and between men and women (women are more likely to use “ Sum im asen ” than men), but in general apologetic-sounding expressions are often used as polite expressions o f gratitude. O ja m a -s h im a s h it a

When leaving their host/ess English-

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speaking persons will express their gratitude for a pleasant time, but in the Japanese custom people usually apologize for taking up the time o f the host/ess. Such expressions as Ojam a-(ita)shim ashita. (lit. I ’ m sorry I disturbed you.) O jik a n -o torim ashite . . . ( I ’ m sorry I took your time.) N a ga i-o itashim ashite . . . ( I ’ m sorry I took your time — lit.

I stayed longer than I should have.) are used together with such expressions o f gratitude as G ochisoosam a-deshita. (Thank you very much — Thank you for the foo d .)

lit.

It is possible to say something like “ Tanoshikatta-desu” (It was fun) between good friends, but in polite situations such expressions are not commonly used. On the part o f the host/ess also, instead o f thanking the visitor for visiting, he or she will often apologize for not being able to entertain a guest well enough, saying N a n n o ok a m a i-m o dekim asen-de, shitsuree-itashimashita.

( I ’ m sorry I couldn’ t do anything to entertain you.) w h e n m e e t in g a g a in When meeting someone again after some time has passed, it is customary to refer to your previous meeting. This is to confirm the good relations between you by recalling a shared experience. In this case too, instead o f saying something meaning “ W e had a wonderful time together,” one says Senjitsu-wa shitsuree-itashim ashita. (lit. I was rude the

other day.) e x p r e s s in g m em b ers

g r a titu d e

fo r

fa v o r s

Shujin-ga osew a-ni natte-orim asu.

38

done

It is customary to say something like

fo r

f a m ily

W H A T TO TA LK A B O U T A N D W H A T NOT TO TALK A BO U T

when introduced to an acquaintance o f one’ s family members. This can be literally translated as “ M y husband is always taken care o f by you,’ ’ but actually means “ Thank you for your kindness to my husband.” Just as a wife says this, a husband says Kanai-ga osew a-ni na tte-orim a su . (M y wife . . .)

and parents say K o d o m o -g a osew a-ni na tte-orim a su . (M y child . . .)

or they mention the name o f their child such as K azuo-ga osew a-ni n a tte-orim a su.

Parents use this expression without fail toward their child’ s teacher or doctor. As is true with other expressions, this expression too can be used simply as a formality. A wife may say “ Shujin-ga osewa-ni natteo rim a s u ” when she is really grateful as well as when she feels that the listener does not particularly deserve her gratitude. i d e n t if y in g o n e s e lf w it h o n e 's fa m ily m e m b e r s We can see two important underlying ideas behind this custom o f thanking others for favors done for one’ s family members. One is that the Japanese feel it essential to express their gratitude for favors done for their family members just as if they had received them themselves. A n d secondly, since one identifies oneself with one’ s fam ily members, naturally one also apologizes for the faults o f one’ s fam ily members. For instance, i f a boy plays some trick on a neighbor, his parents will apologize as i f they had done it themselves. This custom is observed even after one’ s son or daughter has grown up. It is important in daily life for a parent to express gratitude for the favors done for sons and daughters who have grown up; sometimes a parent will even try to atone for a son’ s crime by committing suicide. th a n k in g f o r a s s o c ia tio n Another Japanese idea is that the state o f being associated with someone should be regarded as

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“ osew a-ni na ru ” (to be taken care o f ) because one may be receiv­

ing favors from the other even if one doesn’t realize it at the time. Company employees will usually say Its u m o osew a-ni natte-orim asu.

when meeting someone from another company with which their company has transactions. This is similar to the English expression “ Thank you for your patronage,” but the Japanese seem to extend this custom into a much broader range o f usage. This expression o f gratitude is used not only between two business organizations but also between nonprofit-making groups. o k a g e s a m a -d e This attitude o f thanking others regardless o f whether one realizes some direct factor or not is seen in the use o f the expression “ O ka gesa m a -d e .” This expression is used to ex­ press gratitude not only for a particular service but also for all that may have been helpful. Thus, one will say to one’ s doctor O kagesam a-de yoku narimashita.

(Thanks to you I ’ ve

recovered.) And also when an acquaintance asks how one is feeling, the response is O kagesam a-de yoku narimashita.

This does not mean that the acquaintance has helped one recover from illness; it means that one feels grateful for all the factors that have made that recovery possible, including the acquaintance. The same underlying idea is seen in such simple daily exchanges as A: B:

Ogenki-desu-ka. (H o w are you? — lit. Are you well?)

A: B:

O shigoto-w a doo-desu-ka. (H o w ’ s your work?)

Okagesam a-de. (Fine, thank you.)

and

40

Okagesam a-de. (Thank you. It’s going well.)

W H A T TO TALK ABO U T A N D W H A T NOT TO TALK ABOUT (2 ) T h e t a k in g o f b la m e

b la m in g o n e s e l f Being ready to apologize is highly regard­ ed. It is a matter o f course to apologize when one is obviously responsible for something; one will immediately apologize when one has accidentally stepped on someone’ s foot, for instance. But when something has happened and it is not clear who is responsible for it, in Japan it has traditionally been regarded as polite to blame oneself. For instance, when one has borrowed something, a camera, for instance, from one’ s neighbor and something has gone wrong with it, both the owner and the borrower will readily take the blame for this. Namely, the borrower will say Kow ashim ashita. (I broke it.)

as if this had been an intentional act. And the owner will say that it had been in poor condition and apologize for lending such a defec­ tive machine. In fact, this kind o f accident requires some sort o f settlement; very often a monetary settlement is made. In the case o f the camera mentioned above, the borrower will eventually take it to a camera shop and have it fixed, and the cost will be divided between the owner and the borrower. O f course sometimes the borrower just has it fixed without telling the owner anything about it. A s seen in this example, saying “ That’ s my fault’ ’ does not necessarily make one responsible for monetary compensation. The Japanese may seem to be constantly apologizing. They will say “ S u(m )im a sen ” both when inconveniencing others and when receiving favors. N o t only that, they are ready to put the blame on themselves in many cases. T o give two more examples, when some­ one finds another person’ s handwriting difficult to read, the writer will readily apologize for having poor handwriting, and the reader will apologize for being a poor reader. Or, when two people have somehow waited for each other in the wrong place and so couldn’t meet at the appointed time, it is polite for both o f them to apologize saying that they must have misunderstood.

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v a r ia n t w a y s o f t h in k in g In this way, traditionally it has been regarded as good to put the blame on oneself, and apologies have been accepted with good will. Once a taxi driver took an American woman to a theater, but somehow they arrived at the wrong theater. The woman apologized saying that she must have pronounced the name o f the theater wrong. The driver was so pleased by this that he took her to the theater she wanted to go to free o f charge. But this is an exceptionally happy case. This can happen only when both sides hold to the same ideas o f politeness. I f one side acts this way and the other side does not, the results may be tragic. One o f our American acquaintances had the opposite ex­ perience. She borrowed a kerosene heater from her landlady, and something went wrong with it; she went to the landlady and said Kow arem ashita. (It broke.)

The landlady looked offended, and their relations were seriously damaged after that. The landlady must have expected the American woman to say Kow ashite-shim atte, sum im asen. ( I ’ m sorry I broke it.)

even though she did not intend to ask her to pay for repairs. Similar misunderstandings often happen, not only between foreigners and the Japanese but also among the Japanese themselves; young people often disregard this idea while older generations value it highly. This is an issue about which it is difficult to generalize in presentday Japanese society but the following can be said. When two peo­ ple do not know each other well, they should refrain from saying “ I am to blame” in cases where material responsibility is involved. You should, however, be ready to apologize to someone whom you know well and who would not charge you simply for apologizing. A t the same time you are advised not to expect Japanese who have verbally apologized to always be ready to take monetary respon-

42

W H A T TO TALK ABO U T A N D W H A T NOT TO TALK ABOUT

sibility. And it is important that you do not regard them as liars; they are only acting in accordance with traditional Japanese ideas o f politeness. (3 ) H o l d i n g b a c k (n o t p u t t in g o n e s e lf f o r w a r d )

b e litt lin g g ift s Politeness requires the Japanese to make some statement belittling the gifts they are offering to others, as in M a k o to -n i tsum aranai m ono-desu-ga. (This is very small.) O k u ch i-n i aw anai-kam o shiremasen-ga. {lit. It may not suit

your palate.) among various other expressions. Sometimes the gift may be a fine, expensive one, and saying “ tsum aranai m o n o ” may sound false, but it is nevertheless regarded as good to downplay one’ s gifts. One should never assume that one’ s gift is good enough to please the other. This attitude o f depreciating oneself is considered to be polite, and it is seen not only when offering gifts but also when talking about one’ s abilities or wishes. d e p r e c ia t in g a b i l i t y Except among good friends, the Japanese usually deny any praise received from others. They will never accept a compliment without saying “ lie . ” T o deny praise o f one’ s skills or abilities, one will say lie, madam ada-desu. (N o , I ’ m not any good at it yet — lit.

N o , not yet.) lie, watashi-nanka dame-desu. (Oh, I ’m so poor at it — lit. Such a person as me is no good.)

When one has to acknowledge praise to some extent, one will say things like: M aa, nantoka. (I manage to do it somehow.) O kagesam a-de nantoka. (Thanks to everybody I could

manage.)

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IN

A T T IT U D E

D oo-yara koo-yara. (Somehow or other I can do it.)

Sometimes people purposely complain about their own abilities, saying something like d e m o n s t r a t in g

w eakn ess

D o o m o um aku ikanai. (Somehow it doesn’t go well.) D o o m o um aku dekinai. (Somehow I just can’ t do it well.)

This is often seen among the senior persons o f a group, those who are trusted and looked up to by younger persons. These people often complain by saying things like K o n o -g o ro d o o m o

w asureppoku natte kom aru.

(These

days I forget things so often.) D o o m o atama-ga warui mon-da-kara. (I am so slow to

understand things.) The underlying idea is that influential persons should act so as to conceal their power and put their weaker associates at ease. It is generally regarded as good and even considerate for influential persons to occasionally show their weaknesses. Needless to say, such weaknesses should not be vital ones, but it is better to have some weaknesses than to be perfectly strong and consequently overly powerful or intimidating. r e f r a in in g fr o m e x p r e s s in g c o n v e n ie n c e It often hap­ pens that when one Japanese asks another what day would be con­ venient for their next meeting, he answers Itsu-d em o ii-desu. (A n y time wll do.)

but when they finally come to decide on the date, he says S o n o hi-wa c h o tto d o o m o . . . (That day won’t do — lit. As

for that day, it’ s a little . . .) Or when asked what food he would like to be treated to, he will first say

44

W H A T TO T A LK A B O U T A N D W H A T N O T TO TA LK A BO U T

N a n -d e m o ii-desu. (Anything will do.)

first, but actually he can’ t eat pork, can’t eat beef, and can’t eat spicy dishes, etc., and he wants nothing but sashimi. Although it would certainly save time and trouble to clearly say what day would be inconvenient or what one cannot eat from the outset, many Japanese think it better not to do so. I f the proposed time or choice suits them, that’ s fine; i f it doesn’t, then they can show hesitation by saying ~ wa c h o tto . . .

and wait for another proposal, which will immediately be forth­ coming. The underlying idea behind this procedure is that it is not good manners to force others to consider one’ s own personal convenience. (4 ) C o m p li m e n t s a n d e v a lu a t io n

It is usual for people to say nice things to others in social situations; a visitor will compliment the host and hostess on their house or family. It is common to say such things as r e f r a in in g fr o m d ir e c t p r a is e

li osum ai-desu-ne. (Y ou have a very nice home.) Hawaii okosan-desu-ne. (She is a lovely child.)

But in social situations the Japanese usually refrain from directly praising someone else’ s looks, abilities or skills. One can praise a child’ s painting or composition saying Joozu-desu-ne. (Very well done.)

but one cannot use this expression to refer to works done by an adult to whom one has to speak politely. Most people refrain from directly evaluating their superiors either negatively or positively. They are careful to choose the prop­ er occasion and the appropriate form o f expression for such

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evaluation. In a familiar, friendly atmosphere one can be more free in evaluating one’ s superiors than in a serious or formal situation. b e n k y o o - n i n a r im a s h it a When one wants to praise one’s superior on a serious occasion, one has to be careful to choose in­ direct, subtle expressions. One way to praise a superior’ s work or achievement is to express gratitude by saying Taihen be n k y o o -n i narimashita. (I learned a great deal from it — lit. It became a good study.) Taihen tam e-ni narimashita. (It taught me a great deal — lit. It did me a lot o f good.)

Expressions o f gratitude are felt to be more polite than com­ pliments. When visiting or meeting others, it is all right to compli­ ment them on their house or family, but this does not take the place o f expressions o f gratitude such as Kanai-ga osew a-ni natte-orim asu. (Thank you for your

kindness to my w ife.) c o m p lim e n t s o n t h e J a p a n e s e o f f o r e i g n e r s Many foreigners feel irritated when the Japanese praise their ability to speak Japanese saying N ih o n go -ga

ojoozu -d esu-n e.

(Y ou speak Japanese very

well.) even when they have said just a few simple phrases. This may seem to show that some Japanese do not really take foreigners seriously, but there are other factors at work behind this phenomenon. One is that the Japanese are not used to talking with those not belonging to the same group and it requires some effort for them to speak to a foreigner. In trying to step outside o f their own group and approach a foreigner, they sometimes ask certain questions like “ Where are you from ?” or “ H ow do you like Japanese foo d ?” And they also give compliments on how well the foreigner

46

W H A T TO T A LK A B O U T A N D W H A T NO T TO TALK ABO U T

speaks Japanese. These questions and compliments are used as a kind o f conversation opener. Another factor is that they are really impressed by a foreigner speaking Japanese since they think it must be very difficult to learn. They are so impressed and even grateful for the foreigner’ s effort that they forget their sense o f politeness that prohibits them from directly praising someone. On the whole, the fact that many Japanese readily praise foreigners in this way does not mean that it is polite to directly evaluate someone’ s abilities. e v a lu a t io n a n d ju d g m e n t It is not polite in Japan to in­ dicate any evaluation or judgment o f someone whom one should show respect toward. Therefore it is impolite to say *C oku roosa m a . (Thank you for your trouble.)

when

expressing

appreciation

for

someone’ s help,

because

“ C o k u ro o s a m a ” implies the speaker’ s evaluation o f the other’ s

hard work. A teacher can say this to his or her students but a stu­ dent cannot use this expression toward a teacher. This is most often used to thank people for such services as having delivered something or going on an errand; it is most often used toward newspaper boys, porters, deliverymen and the like. Nowadays some people prefer other expressions like “ A r ig a to o ” or “ Osew asam a ” (Thank you for your help) to “ C o k u ro o s a m a ” even in these situations. The idea that judging someone is impolite explains one d if­ ference between “ H a i ” and “ S oo-d esu .” “ S oo-d esu” means “ That’ s right” and is used to express the speaker’s agreement. It is all right to use it when indicating agreement to a factual question, as in A: B:

Tanaka-san-desu-ka. (A re you Mr. Tanaka?) Soo-desu. (That’ s right.)

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But when one has to be respectful, it is better to say “ H a i” rather than “ S o o-d es u ” even when indicating agreement. Thus “ H a i” and “ S o o-d es u ” are used together for a polite answer, as in A: B:

Tanaka-san-desu-ka. (A re you Mr. Tanaka?) Hai, soo-desu. (Yes, sir/ma’ am.)

The expression “ H a i” does not only indicate agreement but also conveys the speaker’ s polite attitude or willingness to cooperate with or obey the other person. Thus “ Hai, soo-d esu” can be paraphrased as “ I ’m going to answer your question politely; the answer is ‘yes’ .” The underlying idea is that expressing one’ s agreement directly with “ S oo-d es u ” implies that one is going ahead and evaluating or judging the other person, while saying “ H a i” demonstrates one’ s polite attitude. a s k in g s o m e o n e 's w is h e s Asking someone’ s wishes directly is also impolite in Japan. Saying things like *N a n i-o tabetai-desu-ka. (W hat do you want to eat?) *Nani-ga hoshii-desu-ka. (W hat do you want to have?)

should be limited to one’ s family or close friends. In such a familiar conversation, desu-ka” is not actually used; instead, familiar expressions like N a n i ta b e ta i? Nani-ga hoshii?

are natural. T o be polite, one should ask for instructions rather than directly inquire into someone’ s wishes. Thus, saying M a d o -o akem ashoo-ka. (Shall I open the window?)

is more appropriate than

48

W H A T TO TALK A B O U T A N D W H A T NOT TO TALK ABOUT

*M a d o -o akete-m oraitai-desu-ka. (W ould you like me to

open the window?) When conveying someone’ s wishes, too, it is best to be indirect. Namely, one should not say something like *Shachoo-w a

o ch a -o

nom itagatte-irasshaim asu.

(The

director wants to have some tea.) Although the polite expression “ irasshaimasu” is used in this sentence, directly referring to the director’ s wishes is not con­ sidered to be polite. Instead, one should say something like S ha ch oo-ga

o ch a -o meshiagarimasu.

(The director will

have some tea.) (5 ) E x p l a n a t i o n a n d d is c u s s io n

Foreign speakers o f Japanese sometimes seem impolite because they tend to explain things too much. Especially when making a request or offering an apology, some foreigners will explain their situation or the reason why they are making the request more fully than is expected by the Japanese listener. For instance, when they came late for an ap­ pointment, they are apt to explain the reason at length. The Japanese will also give some reason for being late, but it is regard­ ed as good to apologize first, as in le s s e x p la n a t io n a n d m o r e a p o l o g y

O s o k u na tte sum im asen. ( I ’m sorry I ’ m late.)

and to make the explanation as short as possible. Sometimes they do not o ffer any explanation at all, but just repeat their apologies. When offering an explanation, too, one should do so in a reserv­ ed way — looking ashamed or guilty, even i f the cause was beyond one’ s responsibility. Densha-ga oku rem a sh ite . . . (The train was late.)

is all right, but using “ kara” as in

49

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IN A T T IT U D E

*Densha-ga okurem ashita-kara.

(Because the train was

late.) is impolite because it sounds as i f one’ s being late is amply justified and one has no need to feel sorry. A t the very least, the apology should take more time than the ex­ planation in order to be polite. w h e n m a k in g a r e q u e s t When making a request too, it is not polite to go on explaining one’ s reasons without being asked to. And when giving an explanation, one should avoid sounding as i f one is not responsible for this. For instance, when asking for an extension o f the deadline for a certain job, it is all right to say that the work is taking more time than expected as in O m o tta -y o ri jikan-ga kakarim ashite . . . (It is taking more

time than I first thought it would.) But one should try to avoid sounding as if one is blaming the per­ son who planned it. One often adds another reason such as D o o m o shigoto-ga os oi-n o d e . . (I am not quick at work.)

In such cases such remarks are not to be taken literally. And in making requests, one also refrains from giving too much explana­ tion without being asked. " r i k u t s u " — m e r e lo g ic This low evaluation o f explana­ tion can be attributed to the fact that the Japanese have long lived in a family-like society and have not frequently confronted the necessity o f explanation. Between family members it is regarded as best to understand each other without discussing things, at least in traditional Japanese thinking. When children grow up and try to explain their standpoint, parents, especially the father, tend to scold them by saying R ikutsu-o yuu-na. (D on ’t talk back — lit. D on’ t talk about

mere logic.)

50

W H A T TO TALK ABO UT A N D W H A T NOT TO TALK ABOUT

or complain about this saying Rikutsu-bakari iimasu. (He/She talks nothing but mere

logic.) Many parents think that parents and children should understand each other without depending on verbal explanation, and don’t like to discuss things with their children as i f they were strangers. They are irritated to hear their children’ s explanations because they feel that the ideal parent-child relationship is in jeopardy. This is also seen to some extent in social situations. Many bosses feel offended at having to listen to the unnecessary discussion o f their workers. They can’ t say “ Rikutsu-o yuu-na” directly to them but they are not happy about having to work with youngsters who talk nothing but “ riku tsu .” w h e n o f f e r i n g in f o r m a t io n It is in fact rather difficult to make explanations in social situations. The explanation should be sufficient and yet not be overdone. It is impolite to give more ex­ planation than necessary because it implies that one thinks the listener is ignorant. But checking the extent o f the other’ s knowledge is difficult when one has to be polite. This is especially true when the explanation concerns a field the listener feels he knows. Asking with direct expressions such as *Shitte-im asu-ka. (D o you know?) *C ozon ji-d esu-ka . (D o you know? — more respectful)

is also impolite when it concerns the listener’s intelligence or pro­ fessional knowledge. One device to avoid sounding impolite is to use phrases meaning “ as you know ,” such as g o z o n ji-n o y oo-n i (as you know) g o z o n ji-to om oim asu-ga (I think you know it already but)

51

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Another device is to wait for the listener to express a desire to hear more explanation by saying something like lya, shiranai-ne. D o n n a n o ? (N o , I don’ t know. What is it

like?) S ore-d e . . .? (So . . .?)

3.

The Nonverbal Expression o f Politeness

(1 )

V e r b a l a n d n o n v e r b a l p o lite n e s s

t h e im p o r t a n c e o f b o d y la n g u a g e There is a common belief that the Japanese use very little body language while speak­ ing, but this is not true. Although they do not use large gestures such as waving their arms or shrugging their shoulders, ap­ propriate body language is regarded as very important in terms o f politeness. The wrong use o f body language can cause misunderstanding, and may be regarded as impolite. T o be polite in Japanese, the appropriate nonverbal behavior must be used together with verbal expressions. Some expressions must be accompanied by a certain type o f body language. For in­ stance, an apology must be offered with a bow, as will be explained shortly. And when offering tea or something to eat, one usually bends one’ s body and stretches one’ s right hand toward the other person while saying D o o z o m eshiagatte-kudasai. (Please have some.)

Very often “ m eshiagatte-kudasai” is left out and just “ D o o z o ” is said. In some situations “ D o o z o ” plus the appropriate body language is used without specifically referring to the action in words. Namely, when asking someone to go ahead into a room or an elevator, or to take a seat, “ D o o z o ” is often used without add­ ing such phrases as

52

THE

NONVERBAL

EX PR E SSIO N

OF PO LIT E N E SS

. . . ohairi-kudasai. (please enter the room) . . . okake-kudasai. (please sit down)

In this way body language both reinforces and supplements polite spoken language. b o d y la n g u a g e r e p la c in g s p o k e n la n g u a g e Sometimes body language does not only supplement spoken language but in fact replaces it. For instance, when two people meet on the street or in a building they exchange such expressions as Konnichiw a. (G ood day.) O h a yoo-goza im a su . (G ood morning.)

These expressions are often said accompanied by bowing and sometimes a smile. And sometimes just bowing is regarded as suffi­ cient. In some countries the smile is regarded as most important, and in others verbal expressions are most important, but in Japanese­ speaking society bowing is regarded as most important in terms o f politeness. It is better to bow without saying anything than to say something polite without bowing. I f a young worker or a student raised his hand and said “ O h a y o o -g o za im a s u ” with a smile to his boss or professor, he would be regarded as impolite. Thus bowing is given priority over verbal expressions, and can even replace them. In the case o f aizuchi too, nodding often takes the place o f ver­ bal expressions, (cf. p. 21) Especially when more than two people are listening and one o f them gives verbal aizuchi, the others give aizuchi by nodding. One also often silently bows to express regret and ask for forgiveness when leaving earlier than others from a party or meeting. (2 )

B o w in g

b o w in g w h e n a p o lo g iz in g

The Japanese often bow or

53

A

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I

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IN A T T IT U D E

bend their upper body when apologizing. It is not appropriate to say things like Sum im asen. ( I ’ m sorry.)

or M oo s h iw a k e arimasen. ( I ’m very sorry.)

with one’ s upper body held upright and one’ s chin up. This is not the way a Japanese would apologize, even to a friend. You do not have to make a deep bow when apologizing for some slight o f­ fense, but still it is regarded as best to slightly bend your upper body. Needless to say, one has to bow deeply when apologizing for a serious offense. b o w in g w h e n m a k in g a r e q u e s t When making a re­ quest, too, one should bow while saying such expressions as Sum im asen-ga . . . ( I ’ m sorry to trouble you.) M o o s h iw a k e arim asen-ga . . . ( I ’m very sorry to trouble

you.) Bowing is very important and eloquent in expressing your regret that you have to bother the other person. Even if the request is well within your rights, you should still bow when making a request. One also usually bows when offering someone something. When serving tea to someone politely one bows to express one’ s request that the tea be accepted. It is polite to bow when handing over a present because offering it means asking the other person to accept it. W hile saying something like b o w in g

w h en o ffe r in g

th in g s

Tsum aranai m ono-desu-ga . . . (This is not much, but plaese

accept it — lit. This is a trifling thing, but . . .) one should bend one’ s upper body. Some foreigners complain that their Japanese acquaintances do not react as expected when they use this expression. It may have been that the two people were talk-

54

THE

NONVERBAL

E X PR E SSIO N

OF PO LIT E N E SS

ing in a casual manner and this expression was not appropriate. But often the body language they used was not appropriate. Name­ ly, saying this humble expression with one’ s body upright and one’ s chin up is strange. Similarly, offering sympathy for some misfortune should be ac­ companied with a bow. In the case o f offering condolences to a bereaved person, the set expression K o n o tabi-wa tonda koto-de-gozaim ashita. ( I ’m very sorry to hear it — lit. This time it was a terrible thing.)

is said while bowing deeply; one bows so deeply while looking down that this expression is not said clearly to the end. In such cases bowing is as eloquent as, or even more eloquent than, words. how to b ow In bowing to express politeness, one slowly bends one’ s whole body forward and downward. A quick bow will give an impression o f casualness or insincerity; an abrupt bow like a duck finding something to eat will seem childish. It is important to spend the appropriate length o f time bowing. For instance, when saying H ajim em ashite. D o o z o yoroshiku. (H ow do you do? Glad

to meet you — lit. This is the first time. Please be good to me.) to someone you are meeting for the first time, you should bow either after completing the sentence or while saying it. You are ad­ vised to start bowing from the second half o f the sentence, namely from “ D o o z o y o ro sh ik u ,” and bow long enough to say “ D o o z o yoroshiku onega i-sh im asu .” In other words, even when using an abbreviated expression, it is best to bow long enough to complete a sentence. And one should bow at the same time as the other person does. It is embarrassing to straighten up from bowing long before the other person does. In order to bow in accordance with the other person, one has to observe the other person when one starts bow-

55

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IN A T T IT U D E

ing. I f you have finished bowing and see the other person still bow­ ing, you can add another bow. Generally speaking, women bow more deeply than men, and a younger person should bow more deeply than an older person. The degree o f politeness is proportionate with the depth and length o f time with which one bows. Although people nowadays do not bow as long as they used to do years ago, bowing is still practiced faithfully whenever people want to express politeness. b e n d in g o n e 's u p p e r b o d y Although the term “ bow ” has been used in this section, there are actually two different Japanese terms for this. One is o jig i, which refers to bending one’ s body rather deeply. This is used in formal greetings, serious apologies and formal expressions o f gratitude or sympathy. T o do o jig i, one usually bends one’ s upper body more than 45 degrees; nowadays people tend to bend about 45 degrees and no more than 90 degrees — bowing deeply is used only on very formal occasions or by very polite people. On the other hand, one often bends one’s upper body slightly, from 10 to 15 degrees — this is called eshaku, not o jig i. Eshaku is used in casual greetings, meeting or passing by acquaintances, and when a superior answers a younger person’ s o jig i. This is similar to “ nodding” used in a phrase like “ a nodding acquaintance.” The difference from nodding is that in eshaku the Japanese bend the whole upper body forward rather than just lowering their head. The Japanese can be observed using this slight bowing very often — sometimes almost constantly. They usually use it when passing an acquaintance in the street; some people use it before sitting down in a seat on the train or in the theater. Eshaku very often takes the place o f verbal expressions like “ Shitsuree-shim asu” (Excuse me) in such cases. It is recommended that you respond with eshaku when your Japanese acquaintances use it toward you.

THE NO NVERBAL (3 )

E X PR E SSIO N OF PO LIT E N E SS

S p e a k e r -lis t e n e r d is t a n c e

Japanese usually keep more distance be­ tween themselves when they talk than many English-speaking peo­ ple do, and the distance is greater when the two are speaking polite­ ly. The Japanese sometimes feel embarrassed when their American acquaintances come closer to them than they feel appropriate. W e know several Americans who have felt offended at seeing their Japanese acquaintances step back from them. Between good friends the distance left can be very small; the distance is proportionate to the degree o f politeness. Students usually do not stand very close to their teachers, and young workers refrain from coming too close to their bosses. And the distance is larger when the two persons are o f the opposite sex. b o w in g a n d s h a k in g h a n d s The speaker-listener distance varies depending on whether the two people bow or shake hands. When the tw o are going to bow to each other, they have to stand relatively far apart; otherwise their heads will touch when they bow. On the other hand if the two are going to shake hands, they have to stand closer together. You may have experienced some awkwardness about shaking hands with a Japanese because he was standing too far away. Some Japanese can be seen bowing slightly while shaking hands because they are not standing close enough to the other person. t h e p r o p e r d is ta n c e It is important to keep an appropriate distance between the speaker and the listener, but standing too far away gives an impression o f strangeness. It is difficult to indicate the distance exactly, but you can regard it as safe to stand the distance o f your heads when bent deepest plus 15 to 20 centimeters. This means that you can safely bow deeply to each other. Depend­ ing on the stature o f the persons, the distance is thus from 1.5 meters to 2 meters apart. m o r e d is ta n c e

(4 ) O t h e r e x a m p le s o f p o lit e b o d y la n g u a g e

h a n d in g th in g s t o o t h e r s

When handing something to

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PO LITE N E SS

IN A T T IT U D E

someone, it is polite to hand it so that they can use it as it is, without turning it around. For example, when giving someone your name card, you should do so in a way that the other person can read it without turning it around. This is true in the case o f handing over letters, documents and books. I f you are handing someone a pair o f scissors, you should hand them so that they can be held as they are. g iv in g m o n e y The Japanese take care not to act business­ like when giving money to someone for personal help. In schools, for instance, one pays tuition directly to a clerk or through a bank. But when you take personal lessons in such subjects as traditional dance, flow er arrangement, calligraphy, and the like, you have to take care so that you do not seem to be too businesslike. You should not hand money as is to your teacher; you should put the money in an envelope and hand it over in an inconspicuous manner — quietly slipping it to the side o f the teacher for instance. N ot only in the physical act o f handing over money, but also in discussing monetary matters, there is a traditional idea that one should not directly show interest in money, in the case o f personal help. When someone is asked to give a special lecture at a meeting o f people who are not directly associated with him, for instance, he hesitates to ask how much he will be paid for the lecture. This is because there is an idea that one should not expect to be paid for personal services. In such cases the person who asks someone’ s help should take care to offer information about the pay so that the other person does not have to directly ask about this.

58

.

P A R T II

V E R B A L P O L IT E N E S S

1. Level o f Speech (1 )

P o li t e s p e e c h a n d

f a m il ia r s p e e c h

In daily conversation two levels o f speech, namely, polite speech and familiar speech, are used. Generally speaking, polite speech is used in social situations such as conversa­ tions between acquaintances or strangers and familiar speech in familiar conversations between good friends or family members. The two levels are mainly distinguished by different sentence end­ ings and different vocabulary items. d i f f e r e n t s e n t e n c e e n d in g s In polite speech sentences usually end in polite forms, namely, “ desu” and “ -m a su .” tw o

le v e ls

A c q u a i n t a n c e A : /#' otenki-desu-ne. (Fine day, isn’ t it?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Ee, soo-desu-ne. (Yes, isn’ t it?) P a s s e n g e r : K o n o basu, Ku-yakusho-m ae-ni tom arim asuka. (Does this bus stop at the ward office?)

Bus D r i v e r : lie, tom arim asen. (N o, it doesn’ t.) In familiar speech, sentences end in plain forms — namely, the dic­ tionary form o f adjectives and verbs and “ d a” : H i g h Sc h o o l St u d e n t A : Ashita, eega-ni ik u ? (A re you

going to the movie tomorrow?) H i g h S c h o o l St u d e n t B :M a d a know yet.)

wakaranai.

(I

don’t

H u s b a n d : M a ta ame-da-ne. (Rain again!)

59

P A R T II W

if e

:

V E R B A L PO LIT E N E SS

M o o m ikka-m e-da-w ane. (This is the third day, isn’ t

it?) p o l i t e fo r m s a n d p la in fo r m s The difference between polite forms and plain forms is as follows: a) verbs Verbs are used in the “ -m asu” form in polite speech.

Polite: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Ashita ikimasu. ( I ’ m going tom orrow.) Ashita-wa ikimasen. ( I ’ m not going tom orrow.) K in o o ikimashita. (I went yesterday.) K inoo-w a ikim asen-deshita. (I didn’t go yesterday.) Ashita ikim ashoo. (L e t’ s go tom orrow.)

The following are the plain speech counterparts o f 1-5: Plain: 1. Ashita iku. 2. Ashita-wa ikanai. 3. K in o o itta. 4. K inoo-w a ikanakatta. 5. Ashita ikoo.

b)

adjectives ending in -i The true adjectives or -/' adjectives are used with “ desu” (pres­ ent), “ d esh ita ” (past), “ -ku arim asen” (present negative) and “ -ku arim asen-deshita” (past negative) in polite speech; they are used without “ desu” or “ d esh ita ,” and “ d e sh oo ” is replaced by “ d a ro o ” in plain speech. Polite: 1. 2. 3. 4.

Samui-desu. (It’ s cold.) Sam uku arimasen. (It ’ s not cold.) Sam ukatta-desu. (It was cold.) Sam uku arimasen-deshita/Samuku nakatta-desu. (It

wasn’ t cold.) 5. Sam ui-deshoo. (It must be cold.) Plain: 1.

60

Samui.

LE V E L OF SPEECH

2. Sam uku nai. 3. Sam ukatta. 4. Sam uku nakatta. 5. Sam ui-daroo.

c) quasi-adjectives Quasi-adjectives (also known as adjective-verbs or -na adjec­ tives) are just like nouns, as far as sentence endings are concerned. d) noun plus “ desu” or “ d a ” In polite speech “ d esu” is used with nouns, while “ d a ” is used in plain speech. Polite: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

li otenki-desu. (It ’s a fine day.) li oten ki-ja arimasen. (It isn’ t a fine day.) li otenki-deshita. (It was a fine day.) li oten ki-ja arimasen-deshita. (It wasn’t a fine day.) li oten ki-d esh oo. (It should be a fine day.)

Plain: 1. li tenki-da. 2 . li tenki-ja nai. 3. li tenki-datta.

4. li tenki-ja nakatta. 5. li tenki-daroo. e)

other difference In polite speech, sentences usually end in “ -m asu” or “ d esu ,” while in plain speech sometimes just phrases are used. Polite: A : Itsu odekake-desu-ka. (When are you leaving?) B: Ashita dekakemasu. ( I ’m leaving tom orrow.) Plain: A : Itsu dekakeru? (When are you leaving?) B: Ashita. (Tom orrow .) When speaking politely, one should avoid verbless sentences like *A to -d e (kimasu). ( I ’ll come later.)

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PO LITE N E SS

*Sakki (kim ashita). (H e came a while ago.)

unless what precedes the verb is a polite expression, as in N o c h i-h o d o ( m airim asu ). ( I ’ ll come later.) S aki-h od o ( o m ie -n i narim ashita). (H e came a while ago.)

There are several particles used at the end o f sentences. “ N e ” is most frequent as in S e n t e n c e p a r t ic le s

li otenki-desu-ne. (Fine day, isn’ t it?) A s o k o -n i g in k oo-ga arimasu-ne. (There’ s a bank over there,

as you can see.) It is used either to solicit the listener’ s agreement or to make sure that the listener has understood. “ Vo,” on the other hand, is used to emphatically state one’ s own opinion, as in Kore-w a

to te m o

ii-desu-yo. Z e h i tsukatte-m ite-kudasai.

(This is very good. You should by all means try it.) These two particles “ n e ” and “ y o ” are used both in polite speech and familiar speech. Other sentence particles such as “ sa” (casual), “ z e ” (emphasis on one’ s opinion), and “ z o ” (more em­ phatic than “ z e ” ) are used only in familiar speech. Sentence particles are, however, sometimes used at the end o f a phrase as in K inoo-n e, g in k o o -e ittara-ne, Yam am oto-san-ga ite-ne . .

(W hen I went to the bank, I saw M r. Yamamoto, you know.) Since using sentence particles in this way creates an impression o f familiarity, it is limited to familiar speech. “ N e ” is often used in this way in familiar speech, but using “ y o ” in this way is quite limited because it is regarded as vulgar. This also applies to “ sa,” “ z e ” and “ z o ” ; “ y o ” and these particles should not be used be­ tween phrases even in familiar speech.

62

LEVEL OF SPEECH (2 )

T h e u se o f p la in f o r m s in p o lit e s p e e c h

Although plain forms are not used at the end o f the sentence in polite speech, they are used when 1) modifying nouns, 2) express­ ing indirect speech, 3) indicating the speaker’s opinion, and 4) in the “ n-desu ” form. a) noun modifiers Plain forms are used in phrases modifying nouns. For instance: k in o o katta hon (a book which I bought yesterday) b o o s h i-o ka b u tte-iru h ito (a person wearing a hat)

Even when used in sentences with polite endings the modifying phrases remain in the plain form: Kore-w a k in o o katta hon-desu. (This is a book I bought

yesterday.) B oosh i-o ka b u tte-iru hito-wa Yamada-san desu. (The man

wearing a hat is M r. Yamada.) Polite forms in modifying phrases as in *Kore-w a k in o o kaimashita hon-desu. * B oosh i-o kabutte-im asu hito-wa Yamada-san-desu.

are understood, but sound strange and foreign. N ot only concrete nouns such as “ h o n ” (book) and “ b o o s h i ” (hat), but also abstract nouns such as “ to k i ” (time), “ to k o r o ” (situation) and “ k o t o ” (fact) are modified by verbs and adjectives in the plain form: K o n o tsugi kuru to k i m otte-kim asu. ( I ’ ll bring it when I

come next time.) Ima tsuita tokoro-desu. (I have just arrived.) M a d a m ita koto-ga arimasen. (I have not seen it before.)

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VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

A s illustrated in the sentences above, words such as “ to k i,” “ to k o r o ” and “ k o t o ” do not have substantial meaning; they are used like conjunctions or particles rather than as nouns. These are called form nouns; there are several other nouns used in a similar way: “ m o n o ,” “ w a k e,” “ k u s e ,” “ ta m e ,” “ s e e ,” “ h a zu ” and so on. T o give a few examples: Kaisha-o yasumu wake-niwa ikimasen. (I can’t very well be

absent from the o ffice.) M o o s o ros o ro kuru hazu-desu. (It ’ s about time for him to

com e.) Shippai-shita-now a

doryoku-ga

tarinakatta see-desu.

(I

failed because I did not work hard enough.) Sonna k o to -o yuu m on (o)-ja arimasen. (You shouldn’t say

such a thing.) b) expressing indirect speech Plain forms are used in indirect speech, as in 1. Isogashii-to itte-im ashita. (H e said that he was busy.) 2. S h igoto-ga m itsuka tta -to itte-im ashita. (She said that she had found a jo b .) 3. O m o s h iro k u na i-to itte-im ashita. (H e said that it wasn’t interesting.) 4. Z a n n en -d a -to itte-im ashita. (She said that she regretted it.) In the examples above, the person who is quoted may have used polite forms as in 1. Isogashii-desu. 2. S higoto-ga m itsukarim ashita.

3. O m o s h iro k u arimasen. 4. Zannen-desu.

64

LEVEL OF SPEECH

But in quoting them, it is appropriate to use plain forms. In the same way, plain forms are used before such expressions as “ soo-d esu ” (I heard), “ to yuu k o to-d es u ” (I understand), and “ to yuu hanashi-desu” (they say): Yamada-san-ga kuru soo-desu. (I heard that M r. Yamada is

coming.) D a m e-d a tta -to yuu koto-desu. (I heard that he failed.) B yooki-ga n a o tta -to yuu hanashi-desu. (I was told that he

has recovered from his illness.) c) expressing one’ s opinion or judgment Plain forms are also used before “ to o m o im a s u ” (I think) as in Sore-ga ii-to om oim a su. (I think that’ s good.) Z a n n en -d a -to om oim a shita . (I felt it was regrettable.)

In the same way, the phrases preceding “ rashii-desu,” “ y ood esu ,” and “ k a m o shirem asen” are in the plain form, as in Yamada-san-ga

yatta-rashii-desu.

(It

seems

that

Mr.

Yam ada did it.) D a ib u okane-ga kakaru yoo-desu. (It looks like it will cost

him a lot.) D am e-d atta-kam o shiremasen. (H e may have failed.)

d) n-desu & n-da Plain forms are used with the patterns “ n-desu” and “ n-da” ; the former is used in polite speech and the latter in familiar speech. A c q u a in t a n c e A : D o o

shita-n-desu-ka.

(W h at’s

the

matter?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: C h o tto onaka-ga itai-n-desu. (I have a slight stomachache.)

65

P A R T II

VERBAL

PO LIT E N E SS

F r i e n d A : D o o shita-n-da. (W h at’s the matter?) F r i e n d B: C h o tto stomachache.)

onaka-ga

itai-n-da.

(I

have a slight

i) n-desu The “ n-desu” endings are made up as follows: Verbs in the plain form are followed by “ n-desu .” 1. Iku-n-desu. (I am going.) 2. Itta-n-desu. (I went.) Adjectives are followed by “ n-desu ” as in 3. Oishii-n-desu. (It is delicious.) 4. Oishikatta-n-desu. (It was delicious.) -na adjectives are also followed by “ n-desu .”

5. Cenkina-n-desu. (H e ’ s well.) 6. Cenki-datta-n-desu. (H e was well.) Noun-plus-c/esu sentences are changed to: 7. li otenki-na-n-desu. (The weather is fine.) 8. li otenki-datta-n-desu. (The weather was fine.) Those sentences are very close in form to such sentences as: 1. Ikimasu. 2. Ikim ashita. 3. Oishii-desu. 4. Oishikatta-desu. 5. Genki-desu.

6. Genki-deshita. 7. li otenki-desu. 8. li otenki-deshita. These two sets o f sentences are both used in polite speech, but their function is different.

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LEVEL OF SPEECH

“ n-desu” is basically used to explain, or refer to, a certain situa­ tion. For instance, saying Byooki-desu. (H e is sick.)

just states someone’ s condition. But if you say Byookina-n-desu. (It is that he is sick.)

you are explaining the reason why he cannot come to work or why you are giving him permission to leave early, or the like. I f you ask someone Nem ui-desu-ka.

you are simply asking i f he or she is sleepy. But i f you say Nem ui-n-desu-ka.

you are implying that the other person looks sleepy or bored or something similar. Asking someone Kekkon-shite-iru-n-desu-ka.

instead o f Kekkon-shite-im asu-ka.

can imply something like “ A re you anxious to go home so early because you are married and have to have supper with your husband?” Jikan-ga arimasen.

simply states that you don’ t have time, but Jikan-ga nai-n-desu.

is used when you want to decline a request or urge someone to hurry. I f you use this form in asking a question, you will be asking the

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reason for a certain situation rather than asking for simple information. Thus you should be careful in using the “ n-desu” form for questions. Besides asking or stating the reason for a certain situation, the “ n-desu” form is used to emphatically state a judgment or emo­ tion. When it is used without referring to any particular situation, it expresses the speaker’ s strong wish to have the listener under­ stand or sympathize. For instance, saying H o n to -n i a n o-h ito iyana hito-na-n-desu. (H e is really a

disagreeable person.) can mean either that the speaker is giving the reason why he wants to shun the person or that he is simply emphasizing his dislike. Naturally enough, this use sounds emotional, and the overuse o f “ n-desu” should be avoided, ii) n-da What has been said about “ n-desu” also applies to “ n-d a,” ex­ cept that the former is used in polite speech while the latter is used in familiar speech. Namely, saying Byooki-na-n-da.

is used either to explain a certain situation or to emphasize that someone is sick. Also, asking N em ui-no-ka. Kekkon-shite-iru-no-ka.

implies that you want to know the reason for a certain situation. (When “ n-d a” precedes the particle “ k a ” signifying a question, “ d a ” is dropped and “ n” changes to “ n o .” In women’ s speech “ d a ” and “ k a ” are usually dropped: B yooki-na-no, N em ui-n o?, K ekkon -sh ite-iru -n o ?)

68

LEVEL OF SPEECH (3 )

P o lit e n e s s a n d v o c a b u la r y

p o lite w o rd s It is o f course necessary to use polite words when referring to someone else’ s family or belongings. Polite words are also often used to make the tone o f speech more polite when referring to things that do not belong to anybody in par­ ticular. For instance, the word “ te n k i” (weather) is often used with “ o ,” the polite prefix, in polite speech, as in O h a yoo-goza im a su .

li otenki-desu-ne.

(G ood morning.

Fine day, isn’ t it?) In familiar conversation people sometimes add “ o ” and sometimes do not. One can say either O h a y o o . li tenki-dane. (men)

or O h a y oo. li otenki-dane. (men) O h a y oo. li otenki-ne. (women)

Generally speaking, women use “ o ” more often even in familiar speech, but nowadays men’ s and women’ s speech are coming closer to each other, and men tend to use “ o ” more often than they did ten or twenty years ago. w o r d s n o t u sed w it h " o " Differences in politeness can be observed in words that are closely related to personal relations like family terms and in words frequently used in daily life like words concerning meals. On the other hand, public organizations, public buildings and academic institutions are not referred to with “ o .” For instance, the following words are not used with “ o ” : g a k k o o (school) b y o o in (hospital) g in k o o (bank) yuubinkyoku (post office) toshokan (library) ek i (station)

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w o r d s c o n c e r n in g p e r s o n a l r e la t io n s One difference be­ tween men’ s speech and women’ s speech is seen in words concern­ ing personal relations. Predominantly men’s speech

Predominantly women’s speech baby friend neighbor husband wife father mother

akachan otomodachi otonari goshujin okusan otoosan, chichioya okaasan, hahaoya

akanboo tomodachi tonari teeshu, shujin saikun, okusan chichioya, oyaji hahaoya, ofukuro

Women often add “ o ” to such words regardless o f whom they refer to. For instance, “ o ” is not usually added to one’ s own belongings, but in the case o f “ to m o d a c h i ,” women tend to say “ o to m o d a c h i” even when referring to their own friends. w o r d s c o n c e r n in g m e a ls Since meals are so closely related with everyday life, a wide range is observed in politeness; on the whole polite words are used by women. Polite speech in general (used by both sexes) meal breakfast lunch dinner a snack be­ tween meals a snack at night tea

70

shokuji, gohan asagohan, asahan ohiru

Female polite speech

Male familiar speech

Formal speech

oshokuji, gohan asagohan

meshi

shokuji

asameshi

chooshoku

ohirugohan

hiru, hirumeshi banmeshi

chuushoku

bangohan, yuuhan oyatsu

oyatsu

yashoku

oyashoku

yashoku

ocha

ocha

(o)cha

bangohan

yuushoku kanshoku

LEVEL OF SPEECH

alcoholic beverage sweets box lunch

osake

osake

sake

okashi obentoo

okashi obentoo

okashi (o)bentoo

to eat to drink delicious

taberu nomu oishii

itadaku itadaku oishii

kuu nomu umai

cooking pot rice-cooker rice bowl chopsticks plate

nabe kama chawan hashi sara

onabe okama ochawan ohashi osara

nabe kama chawan hashi sara

fish meat beef sushi soy sauce sugar salt pepper sauce miso soup clear soup

sakana niku gyuuniku sushi shooyu satoo shio koshoo soosu miso-shiru sumashi-jiru, suimono negi toofu tsukemono

osakana oniku gyuuniku osushi oshooyu osatoo oshio koshoo osoosu omiso-shiru osumashi, osuimono onegi otoofu otsukemono, okooko

sakana niku gyuuniku sushi shooyu satoo shio koshoo SOOSU miso-shiru suimono, sumashi-jiru negi toofu tsukemono, kooko

onion tofu pickles

ben too torn toru

shokuniku

o t h e r w o r d s u sed in d a ily l i f e Polite speech in general (used by both sexes) bath toilet money home clothes

ofuro toire. tearai okane uchi fuku, yoofuku

Female polite speech ofuro otoire. otearai okane ouchi oyoofuku

Male familiar speech furo toire. benjo kane uchi fuku, yoofuku

Formal speech nyuuyoku benjo

jitaku irui

(Continued on next page)

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(Continued from previous page)

book

kaimono heya hon

okaimono oheya gohon

kaimono heya hon

studying

benkyoo

obenkyoo

benkyoo

shopping room

shomotsu, shoseki

W ords o f foreign origin, such as “ r a j i o ” (radio) and “ t e r e b i ” (television), are not usually used with “ o , ” but several common words are used with “ o , ” such as “ oto/'re” and “ o b i i r u ” (beer). W om en tend to use “ o ” more often when talking to children, as in M other:

Y o s h ik o -s a n ,

s h im a s h o o -n e .

o te te -o

a r a tte ,

obenkyoo-

(Yoshiko, wash your hands and study.)

Some special words are used when talking to very young children: “ o t e t e ” (hand) is one o f them.

r L

(4 )

D i f f e r e n c e s b e t w e e n m e n ’s a n d w o m e n ’ s s p e e c h

d if f e r e n c e s in p o lit e n e s s Differences in politeness be­ tween men’ s speech and wom en’s speech depend on the situation. There is little difference between men’ s and women’ s speech in work situations and in public speaking. A female candidate for the Diet talks just as a male candidate does. In business discussions women talk like men. A woman professor gives her lectures in the same language as a man does. In short, in impersonal polite speech there is very little difference between men’ s and women’ s speech. In personal conversation, however, there are some differences. In polite conversation with their acquaintances, women, especially older women, tend to speak more politely than men; they use polite verbs more often and use some feminine sentence endings. In familiar conversation men’ s speech differs very much in the sentence endings used. I f you read a familiar conversation between a man and a woman in a novel, it is easy to tell what is spoken by the woman and what by the man from the sentence endings.

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LEVEL OF SPEECH

d if fe r e n c e s in s e n t e n c e e n d in g s in f a m ilia r s p e e c h

a) verbs and adjectives Both men and women use the plain form o f verbs and -i adjectives. MEN Iku. Itta. Ikanai. Ikanakatta. Oishii. Oishikatta. Oishiku nai. Oishiku nakatta.

WOMEN I’m going. I went. I’m not going. I didn’t go. It’s delidous. It was delicious. It isn’t delicious. It wasn’t delicious.

Iku. Itta. Ikanai. Ikanakatta. Oishii. Oishikatta. Oishiku nai. Oishiku nakatta.

W omen add “ wa” for mild emphasis. WOMEN I AM going. I WENT. I’m NOT going. I did NOT go. It IS delicious. It WAS delicious. It was NOT delicious.

Iku-wa. Itta-wa. Ikanai-wa. Ikanakatta-wa. Oishii-wa. Oishikatta-wa. Oishiku nakatta-wa.

The particles “ ne” and “ y o ” are used by both men and women. Women add them to “ w a.” MEN Iku-ne. Iku-yo.

WOMEN I’m going, you know. I’m going, I tell you.

lku-wa-ne. Iku-wa-yo.

b) nouns and -na adjectives “ D e s u ” becomes “ d a ” in men’ s familiar speech; in women’ s familiar speech, it is either omitted or “ da-wa ” is used after nouns and -na adjectives; “ da-wa” is a little more emphatic.

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PO LITE N E SS

WOMEN

M EN

Ashita-da.

It’s tom orrow.

Kiree-da.

It’s pretty.

“ D e s h it a ”

“ d a tta ”

becom es

Ashita. Ashita-da-wa. Kiree. Kiree-da-wa.

in m e n ’s s p e e c h a n d

“ d a tta ( - w a ) ”

in

w o m e n ’s.

MEN

W OM EN

Kinoo-datta.

It was yesterday.

Kiree-datta.

It was pretty.

T h e p a rtic le s “ n e ”

“ d a tta -w a ”

and

b e fo re

“ yo”

‘n e ”

or

Kinoo-datta. Kinoo-datta-wa. Kiree-datta. Kiree-datta-wa.

a re a d d e d to th e a b o v e ; w o m e n u se

“ y o . 9*

M EN

W OM EN

Ashita-da-ne.

It’s tom orrow, isn’t it?

Ashita-da-yo.

It’s tom orrow, I tell you.

Kinoo-datta-ne. Kinoo-datta-yo.

It was yesterday, I tell you.

c)

Ashita-ne. Ashita-da-wa-ne. Ashita-yo. Ashita-da-wa-yo. Kinoo-datta-wa-ne. Kinoo-da tta-wa-yo.

It was yesterday, w asn’t it?

rt-d e s u “ n -d e s u ”

becom es

in p o lit e s p e e c h , a s in

“ n a -n -d e s u ”

a ft e r n o u n s a n d -n a

“ C e n k i-n a - n -d e s u . ”

b y m e n it b e c o m e s “ n a - n - d a ”

and

fo r w o m e n

“ n a -n o .”

MEN

Kiree-na-n-da. Ashita-na-n-da. T h e p a rtic le s “ n e ”

74

a d je c t iv e s

In fa m ilia r sp e e c h u se d

WOMEN It is that it is pretty. It is that it is tom orrow.

and

“ yo”

Kiree-na-no. Ashita-na-no.

c a n a ls o b e a d d e d .

LEVEL OF SPEECH

MEN

WOMEN It’s that it’s tomorrow, isn’t it? It’s that it’s pretty, isn’t it? It’s that it’s tomorrow, I tell you. It’s that it’s pretty, I tell you.

Ashita-na-n-da-ne. Kiree-na-n-da-ne. Ashita-na-n-da-yo. Kiree-na-n-da-yo.

Ashita-na-no-ne. Kiree-na-no-ne. Ashita-na-no-yo. Kiree-na-no-yo.

d) familiar requests In polite speech, requests are expressed by such sentence endings as “ te-kudasai ,” “ te-kudasaim asen-ka,” and “ te-itadakem asenk a .”

In familiar speech, the pattern “ te-kurenai?” is used by both men and women, as in M e n / W o m e n : C h o tto m a tte-ku ren a i? (W ait a moment,

w on’ t you?) T o make this request even shorter, both men and women use “ t e ” as in M e n / W o m e n : C h o tto m a tte! (W ait a moment!) In this usage women tend to add “ n e ” at the end to soften the tone, as in W

omen:

W arui-kedo, c h o tto m atte-ne. (Sorry. W ait a mo­

ment, would you?) Men sometimes use this expression when speaking to children or younger people. e) the expression o f probability “ D e s h o o ” becomes “ d a ro o ” in men’s speech, while “ d e s h o o ” is used in women’s speech.

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MEN Iku-daroo. Ikanai-daroo. Itta-daroo. Ikanakatta-daroo. Ashita-daroo. Kiree-daroo. Kinoo-da tta-daroo. Kiree-datta-daroo.

WOMEN He will probably go. He will probably not go. He probably went. He probably didn’t go. It is probably tomorrow. It is probably pretty. It was probably yesterday. It was probably pretty.

Iku-deshoo. Ikanai-deshoo. Itta-deshoo. 1kanaka tta-deshoo. Ashita-deshoo. Kiree-deshoo Kinoo-datta-deshoo. Kiree-da tta-deshoo.

“ ~ kashira” (I wonder) is used more often by women, as in K ore-d e tariru-kashira. (I wonder i f this will be enough.) D o k o -e itta-no-kashira. (I wonder where he went.)

On the other hand the ending “ kana” (I wonder) is usually used by men in familiar speech, as in K ore-d e tariru-kana. (I wonder if this will be enough.) D o k o -e itta-no-kana. (I wonder where he went.)

The particle “ na,” which is used to express emotion, is used more often by men, as in Kore-w a ii-na. (Oh, this is go o d !) lya-da-na. (H o w disagreeable!)

although women use it when speaking to themselves. d if f e r e n c e s in v o c a b u la r y Women tend to use more polite words than men do, and they also add “ o ” to more words. (See the previous section.) Besides this, women are allowed to use emotional expressions more freely than men. For instance, although such adjectives as “ s u te k i” (marvelous) and “ kaw aii” (cute) are used by both men and women, they are used much more often by women. This means that when a man just praises something by saying “ li-n e ” (G ood.),

76

LEVEL OF SPEECH

a woman may use more emphatic words like “ su tek i” or “ kaw aii .” Some differences can also be seen in the use o f interjections. T o express their surprise at seeing someone unexpectedly, men will say “ Vaa” or “ Vaa, kore-w a k ore-w a ,” while women will say “ M a a ” or “ A ra l” ( “ m aa” and “ ara” are never used by men). This difference is seen in tone, too. W om en’ s voices rise and fall within a greater range than men’ s when freely expressing feelings. m en to m en, w o m e n to w o m en , m en to w o m en When men talk in familiar speech to other men, they tend to become very familiar; they will use such words as “ mesh/” and “ k u u ” in place o f “ g o h a n ” and “ ta b e ru .” On the other hand, when men talk with women, they tend to speak more politely; in other words, when with women, men tend to adopt women’ s speech. For in­ stance, two male colleagues will talk about going out for lunch as in M a n A : M eshi-n i shiyoo-ka. (Shall we eat?) M a n B: Un, ikoo. (Yes, let’s.)

Then a woman employee happens to approach the two. They will quickly change tone. M a n A : A, oh iru-ni shinai? (Shall we have lunch?) M a n B; Un, issho-ni ikanai? (W hy don’t you join us?)

On the other hand, women do not change their tone when they talk with men; they usually remain polite. a d u lts t o c h ild r e n In adults’ speech towards children, a tendency similar to that o f men talking to women is seen. When talking to children, adults tend to use a familiar tone and softened sentence endings as in M e n / W o m e n : K azuko-chan, o u ch i-e kaeroo-ne. (L et’ s go

home, Kazuko.) M e n / W o m e n : Kazuo-chan,

goh a n -n o

mae-niwa

o te te

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araim ashoo-ne. (L e t’ s wash our hands before eating, shall

we?) Adults tend to adopt children’ s speech. In other words, the one in the stronger position adopts the speech habits o f the one in the weaker position. Adults also use this kind o f language when they talk to very old and weak people. (5 )

R e fin e d sp eech —

n e w te n d e n c ie s

n e w t e n d e n c ie s in p o l i t e la n g u a g e Polite language has undergone many changes in the postwar period, as explained in Part I. Extremely polite expressions have come to be out o f favor, and deprecatory or rough-sounding expressions have also come to be used less often. In a word, language in present-day Japan has been simplified in terms o f politeness. A lon g with this change, minute differences in expressions ac­ cording to human relations have come to be loosened. For exam­ ple, different terms for referring to one’s own family and to some­ one else’ s were strictly observed in traditional usage, and young mothers who refer to their own babies as “ a k a ch an ” (polite) in­ stead o f “ a k a n b o o ” (non-polite) are still criticized by people following the traditional usage. Similarly, giving something to someone in one’ s own family was traditionally referred to by the verb “ ya ru ,” but nowadays people, especially women, use “ a g eru ” which sounds more polite. This simplification in levels o f politeness can be attributed to (1) modernization, (2) diversity in human relationships, and (3) women’ s advances in society. m o d e r n iz a t io n Modern ways o f thinking, especially in regard to equality and individuality, affect the use o f language. Namely, people have come to talk with each other on a more equal basis now, although this may be difficult for foreigners to believe. Compared with prewar Japan customers now speak more politely

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L E V E L OF SPEECH

and storekeepers less politely. In sushi shops, for instance, cooks used to say N a n i-o m eshiagarimasu-ka. (W hat would you like to have? — “ m eshiagaru” is a respectful expression) N an-ni nasaimasu-ka. (What would you like to have? — “ nasaru ” is a respectful expression)

but nowadays many cooks say “ Nan-ni shim asu-ka” to mean the same thing; here no expression o f respect is included. The customers used to say just “ m a gu ro ” (tuna) or “ ika” (squid) bluntly, but nowadays they usually say M a g u ro kudasai. (Tuna, please.)

or Ika, tanom im asu. (Squid, please.)

Alon g with these changes, people now have a weaker sense o f identification with family members as far as language use is con­ cerned. Thus they say “ ageru” to both family members and to non-family members. d iv e r s it y in h u m an r e la t io n s Japan now accepts more foreigners in its society, and within Japanese society itself social mobility is much higher than before. Many young people come to work in big cities, where they come into contact with various types o f people. Before the war, people had far fewer chances to talk with strangers, much less with foreigners, than they do now. A n average person in prewar society seldom spoke on the radio, for example. When two people who have not met before talk, they tend to adopt polite language toward each other and speak with equal levels o f politeness. Thus changes in lifestyle have induced people to talk more politely. w o m e n 's a d v a n c e s in s o c ie t y

The fact that women have

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VERBAL

PO LIT E N E SS

come to play a more important role in society has had an extremely large impact on polite language. Women traditionally talk more politely than men; and traditionally, men have tended to talk more politely in the presence o f women. Thus, in situations where women work with men, men have gradually come to employ more polite language. People often say that women have come to speak like men, but at the same time, men have come to talk like women. For instance, men used to use such words as “ cba” (tea), “ kashi” (sweets), and “ b e n to o ” (box lunch) without “ o , ” but nowadays it is common for men to add the “ o ” to these words. Another example is the various pronouns like “ jib u n ” (I), “ washi” (I) and “ kisam a” (you) used by men in prewar Japan. These were regarded as ex­ clusively men’ s terms, but these words are seldom used now. Even in verbs we can see women’s influence on men’ s speech; men use “ ta b e ru ” (eat) more often than “ k u u ” (eat; masculine, familiar) now. r e f in e d s p e e c h T o summarize the present tendency in the use o f polite language, people have come, and will continue, to use a language that is polite-sounding and less discriminatory. This might be called “ refined speech” rather than “ polite speech” because it reflects the speaker’ s concern for a pleasant tone rather than concern with relative social rank. In the following discussion o f expressions o f respect, humbleness and reserve, we will refer to such changes whenever necessary, while trying to clarify the traditional rules o f politeness.

2.

The Expression o f Respect

e x p r e s s io n s o f r e s p e c t Respectful expressions are used when one politely refers to others or describes their condition or

80

T H E E X PR E SSIO N O F RESPECT

actions. The expressions o f respect can be divided into the follow ­ ing four groups: 1. expressions showing respect toward a person 2. expressions showing respect toward a person’ s belongings (including members o f their family) 3. expressions showing respect toward a person’ s condition 4. expressions showing respect toward a person’ s actions The use o f expressions o f respect is limited to cases where the speaker has personal relations with that person or personal feelings toward him or her. Namely, one does not use expressions o f respect when referring to persons in history. O da Nobunaga-w a yonjuu-hassai-de shinda. (Oda Nobu-

naga [1534-82] died at the age o f 48.) In the same way one usually does not use expressions o f respect when referring to contemporaries like well-known writers, actors or actresses, scholars and statesmen unless one has special feelings o f respect toward them. k o n o -g o ro yoku utte-ru-ne. (Kakefu baseball player — is hitting well these days.)

Kakefu-w a

—

a

Hasegawa Kazuo-w a ii haiyuu-deshita. (Hasegawa Kazuo

was a good actor.) (1 ) R e s p e c t t o w a r d a p e r s o n

term s o f res p ec t One shows respect toward others by us­ ing various terms o f respect. Terms o f respect are added to (1) per­ sonal names, (2) family terms, (3) professions, (4) positions, and (5) situations. O f the terms o f respect, “ san” is the most common­ ly used; “ sam a” is more polite than “ san,” and “ ch a n ” sounds more familiar than “ sa n .” Besides these three, “ position names” such as “ sensee” (professor, teacher) and “ s h a ch o o ” (company director) are also used as terms o f respect.

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PO LIT E N E SS

It is important to remember that terms o f respect are never used with one’ s own name in Japanese. In English it is common to say things like “ This is M r. Jones speaking,” or “ I ’ m Mrs. Smith.” But it is strange to say things like * “ Kochira-w a Joon zu san-desu,” or * “ Watashi-wa Sumisu-san-desu ” in Japanese, a) personal names plus terms o f respect When one politely addresses or refers to someone, it is most common to use a personal name plus a term o f respect, as in Tanaka -san (Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Tanaka) Kazuo -san (Kazuo; a man’ s name) Yoshiko-san (Yoshiko; a woman’ s name) It should be noted that “ san” is added to both family names and first names, and both men’ s names and women’ s names. The same applies to “ s a m a “ c han , ” being familiar, is usually added to first names only. (M r. Tanaka, there’ s a telephone call from your wife — said by a colleague) Tanaka-san, okusan-kara denwa-desu-yo.

Tanaka-sama, Suzuki-sama-ga shoom en-genkan-de o m a ch ide-gozaim asu. (Mrs. Tanaka, Mrs. Suzuki is waiting for

you at the main entrance — paging a customer in a depart­ ment store) Yoshiko-chan-w a gakkoo-kara kaerimashita-ka. (Is Yoshiko back from school yet? — a neighbor asking Yoshiko’ s mother)

When addressing someone, it is most common to add a term o f respect to the name. Addressing someone or referring to someone by just a name, either first or last, is quite limited in Japanese. Young people sometimes use the first names o f their friends without terms o f respect, close male friends sometimes address

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T H E EX PR E SSIO N

OF RESPECT

each other by their last names, and sometimes older members o f a group or superiors at work will address younger persons in this way. Otherwise, usually a term o f respect is added when addressing someone. A t home, parents sometimes add “ san” or “ c h a n ” to the first names o f their children; this is more often done by mothers. Addressing someone by their name alone should be avoided unless you are asked to do so. When speaking in English, it is all right to call someone “ Kazuo” or “ Yoshiko,” but this should be done with care when speaking in Japanese. Even if your young Japanese friends have asked you to call them by their names without “ san,” it is advisable to add “ s a n ” when speaking or referring to them in the presence o f their parents, b) family terms When directly addressing or talking about older members o f one’ s family, usually the polite prefix “ o ” and “ s a n /s a m a /c h a n ” are used as in O toosa n , itte -ra s s h a i. (Bye, Father — said when Father

leaves home.) Okaasan, d o k o -e ik u -n o . (Where are you going, Mother?) Oniisan-wa d o k o - n i iru ? (Where is Big Brother now? — said by a younger brother or sister. His first name is used in English in this situation.) O n eesan -m o ta b e r u ? (Are you going to eat it, too, Big

Sister? — said by a younger brother or sister. Her first name is used in English.) When addressing or referring to a younger member o f the family, one uses the first name with or without “ s a n /c h a n .” M o t h e r : Yoshiko-chan, g o h a n -d a -k a r a , m in n a -o y o n d e .

(Yoshiko, dinner is ready. Call everybody, will you?) Y o s h i k o : H a i.

. . A n o -n e ,

Okaasan, O toosan-ga g o f u n

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(Yes. . . . M om , Dad wants to have it five minutes later.)

m a tte-tte.

A n d the mother usually uses “ O to o s a n ” as in M o t h e r : S oo . Jaa, O to o sa n -o m achim ashoo. (A ll right.

L e t’s wait for Dad.) Family terms are usually decided from the viewpoint o f the youngest person; thus the mother most commonly calls her hus­ band “ O to o s a n ” and her older son “ O n iis a n ,” just as her youngest child would. f a m i l y t e r m s u sed f o r " I " Within the family, older per­ sons often refer to themselves just as the children do, instead o f us­ ing the words “ w atashi” or “ b o k u .” Namely, the mother will use “ O kaasan” to refer to herself as in M o t h e r : Okaasan-wa k y o o c h o tto dekakeru-wa. (I am going to go out for a while today.)

A n d an older boy will say something like O l d e r B r o t h e r : Niisan-ga yatte-yaru-yo. ( I ’ll do it for you.)

This custom remains even after the children are grown. When the son gets married and has his own children and starts calling himself “ O to o s a n ,” his father now will call himself “ O jiis a n ” (Grandfather), seeing himself from the viewpoint o f his grand­ child, the youngest member o f the family. This custom is observed even when grandparents do not live with their son’ s family. u sin g o n e 's s p o u s e 's f a m i l y te r m s Both a husband and w ife refer to their spouse’ s family with the same terms used by the spouse. Suppose the son o f a family gets married; his wife will call her husband’ s mother “ O kaasan” just as she does with her own mother, and he will call his w ife’s parents “ O to o s a n ” and “ O ka a sa n .”

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When they need to distinguish their own parents from the parents o f their spouse, they will use some device like adding the name o f the place where the parents live, as in “ N a kan o-no O ka asan .” Or, a man might refer to his own mother as “ O fu k u ro ” and to his w ife’ s mother as “ O kaasan.” And one often refers to one’ s spouse’ s family more politely. A w ife may say to her husband: W

if e

:

Kyoo,

N a ka n o-n o

Okaasan-ga

irasshatta-wa.

(M other in Nakano came to see us today.) H u s b a n d : S o o . C e n k i-d a tta ? (Did she? How was she?) W i f e : Ogenki-datta-w a. (She was fine.) In this case we can tell that the husband’ s mother came because the wife used respectful expressions like “ irasshatta” in place o f “ k ita ” (came) and “ o g e n k i” in place o f “ g e n k i” (fine). I f she were talking about her own mother’ s visit, she would not use such expressions. A husband will also use respectful expressions when referring to his w ife’ s parents, although men generally do not speak as politely as women do. H usband:

Kyoo,

N a kan o-no

Okaasan-ga

m ieta-yo.

(M other in Nakano came to see us today — “ m ie ta ” is more polite than “ k ita .” ) W i f e : S o o . C e n k i-d a tta ? (lit. Was she fine?) H u s b a n d : Un. (Yes.) c) professions Most names o f professions are used, with the addition o f “ san,” to address or refer to the person engaged in them, i) storekeepers Yaoya-san greengrocery keeper Sakanaya-san fishmonger Nikuya-san butcher Hanaya-san flower shop keeper Hon'ya-san bookstore keeper

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dry cleaner Kuriininguya-san liquor shop keeper Sakaya-san electric appliance shop keeper Denkiya-san photo shop keeper Shashin'ya-san When talking with them in personal situations, one uses the per­ son’ s name as in “ Tanaka-san” or “ Yamamoto-san.” And one can also use the name o f the shop plus “ san” as in “ Sagamiyasa n .” ( “ Sagamiya” is often used as a name for liquor stores.) ii) transportation-related drivers o f trains, taxis, buses conductor railway station employees iii) public service policeman iv) others doctor

Untenshu-san Shashoo-san Ekiin-san Omawari-san Oisha-san ( " Sensee" in

direct address) nurse

Kangofu-san

The word “ S ensee” is used as a term o f respect as well as to mean “ teacher.” Namely, it is used to refer to someone else being a teacher, as in Nakamura-san-wa

s h o o ga k k oo -n o

sensee-desu.

(Mrs.

Nakamura teaches in an elementary school.) It is used as a term o f respect added to a personal name as in Nakam ura-sensee-wa ima doko-desu-ka. (Where is Mrs.

Nakamura now?) “ S ensee ” by itself is also used when referring to a person. St u d e n t A : Kore, d o o suru-no. (W hat should I do with

this?) St u d e n t B: Wakaranai. Sensee-ni kiite-m itara? (I don’t

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THE

E X PR E SSIO N O F

RESPECT

know. W hy don’ t you ask the teacher? — The teacher’ s name is used in English.) S t u d e n t ’s M o t h e r : Sensee-wa doch ira -ni osum ai-desuka. (W here do you live?) T e a c h e r : N a kan o-ni sunde-imasu. (I live in Nakano.)

Thus “ Sensee” is used where an English-speaking person will say “ he/she” or “ you.” When there is no need to distinguish one teacher from another, just “ Sensee” is used rather than including the last name as in “ Nakamura-sensee.” “ Sensee” is used not only for those engaged in teaching, but also for such professionals as doctors, lawyers, statesmen and leading artists and artisans. Since it implies respect in itself, it is not appropriate to use it in referring to oneself as in * “ Watashi-wa s h o o g a k k oo -n o sensee-desu” (I am an elementary school teacher). Instead, one should say “ S h ooga k k oo-d e oshiete-im a su” (I teach in an elementary school) or “ S h o o ga k k oo -n o kyooshi-desu” (I am an elementary school teacher — the word “ k y o o sh i” just refers to the profession and does not imply respect). d) positions Position names worthy o f respect are also used as terms o f respect. i) words ending in “ -c/ioo” (head) Words with “ -choo,” which means “ head” or “ chief,” are used as terms o f respect either together with personal names or by themselves. Yamada -sh achoo Mr. Yamada, director o f the company S h a ch o o

Director o f the company

V i s i t o r : S h a ch oo-ni om e-n i kakaritai-n-desu-ga. ( I ’ d like to see the director o f the company — polite.) Se c r e t a r y : O yakusoku-deshoo-ka. (D o you have an ap­ pointment, sir/ma’ am?)

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T o give several o f the most commonly used words with K a ch oo K a k a rich o o B u ch o o

Section chief Chief clerk Division chief Director o f the board o f trustees President o f a university Head o f a school Chairman Chairman o f a committee

R ijic h o o G akuchoo K oochoo G ic h o o lin c h o o

ii) high-ranking statesmen Such words as “ d a ijin ” (minister) and “ sh u sh oo” minister) are also used as terms o f respect. Yamada

M on b u -D a ijin -w a

(M r. Yamada, evening.)

choo

kon'ya

(prime

shuppatsu-shimasu.

Minister o f Education, will leave this

Shushoo-wa ima d o k o-n i irasshaimasu-ka. (Where is the

Prime Minister now?) iii) academic rank Such words as “ k y o o ju ” (professor) and “ hakase” or “ hakushi” (doctor, holder o f a P h.D ) are also used as terms o f respect: N ew s

Reporter:

g o ik e n -o

K ono

m on d ai-ni

ukagaitai-no-desu-ga.

tsuite

Hakase-no

( I ’ d like to hear your

opinion about this, sir.) iv) other positions People having high ranks in traditional arts and sports are also referred to by special position names which imply respect: S hishoo S e k ito ri

88

Master — used toward leader in classical Japanese music and arts High-ranking sumo wrestler

T H E E X PR E SSIO N

OF RESPECT

Grand Champion sumo wrestler

Y okozu na

e) Situations When the driver o f a taxi wants to attract the attention o f a customer who has left something behind, he will call out w asurem ono-desu-yo. (Hey, you forgot something — lit. M r. Customer, there’ s something left here.)

Okyakusan,

The word “ kyaku ” means “ customer” or “ visitor” ; here, the polite prefix “ o ” and the term o f respect “ sari” are added. “ O kyakusan” is used in this way by drivers and by storekeepers. In department stores, expensive restaurants, and hotels, where employees use very polite speech, “ O kyakusam a” is used. “ O kyakusan” or “ O kyakusam a ” are also used to refer to visitors, as in M o t h e r : Okyakusam a-ni goaisatsu-o nasai. (Say Good

afternoon to the visitor — the visitor’ s name would be used in English.) C h i l d : Hai. (Y e s .)

There are still other terms used to refer to a person’ s situation. “ O tsuresam a” is one o f them: “ tsure ” means company. R e s t a u r a n t E m p l o y e e : Nanmee-sama-desu-ka. (H ow many will that be? — “ sam a” is added in this way when politely asking how many are in a group.) Custom

er:

Sannin-desu-kedo, hitori-w a ato-kara kimasu.

(Three, but one will be coming later.) . . . after a while . . . Restaurant

Em

ployee:

Otsuresama-ga

om ie -n i

narim ashita. (Your friend is here — polite.)

Pronouns are not used as often in Japanese as in English; they are left out whenever they can be u se o f

p ro n o u n s

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understood from the context. In addition, one must keep in mind that most o f the pronouns do not show respect. anata: “ A n a ta ” is used toward one’ s equals or inferiors, not to one’ s superiors. It is not polite to use “ anata” when addressing someone you should show respect to. You should use other words such as the person’ s name plus “ san/sama/sensee,” etc. or a posi­ tion name like “ sensee” or “ s h a c h o o .” kare, k a n o jo : “ K a re” (he) and “ k a n o jo ” (she) can be used only when you do not have to show respect to the person. It is impolite to refer to your superior with “ kare” or “ k a n o jo .” You should use other polite terms or “ an o-k a ta ” (more polite than “ anoh/to” ). -ta ch i and -gata: The suffix “ -ta ch i” means “ . . . and others.” “ Takahashi-san-tachi ” usually means Takahashi-san and other members o f his/her group. T o refer to M r. and Mrs. Takahashi, one says “ Takahashi-san-to okusan” or “ Takahashi-san-fuufu” in neutral speech. T o be respectful, one says “ Takahashi-gofusai.” When using names o f professions or positions, “ -g a ta ” is used as a respectful plural suffix, as in Sensee-gata-ga irasshaimashita. (The professors came.)

Thus, to indicate the plural for people, “ -ta ch i” is added in neutral speech, and “ -g a ta ” in respectful speech. (2 )

R e s p e c t t o w a r d a p e r s o n ’ s b e lo n g in g s

When referring to someone else’ s belongings, it is polite to add the honorific prefix “ o ” or “ g o . ” Since these prefixes serve to indicate whom one is talking about, words meaning “ your” or “ his/her/their” are usually left out. s o m e o n e e ls e 's b e lo n g in g s

Otaku-w a dochira-desu-ka. (Where is your house located?) O n a m a e-o k o k o -n i kaite-kudasai. (Please write your name

here.)

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OF RESPECT

G o s h o k u g y o o -m o o k a k i - k u d a s a i . (W ould you please write

down your occupation, too?) While most words are used with “ o , ” kanji compounds generally used with “ g o .” o -ta k u o -s u m a i o -y o o fu k u o - s h ig o to o -k o s a n g o -k y o o d a i g o -k a z o k u g o - r y o o s h in g o -k e n k y u u g o -b y o o k i

your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their your/his/her/their

house house clothes work child/children brothers and sisters family parents study illness

V i s i t o r : li osum ai-desu-ne. (You have a very nice house — more literally, It is a very nice house o f yours.) H o s t : lie . (N o , no.) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : G oryooshin-w a o g e n k i - d e s u - k a . (H ow

are your parents?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Ha/, you.)

o k a g e s a m a -d e .

(Fine,

thank

s o m e o n e e ls e 's fa m ily T o refer to someone else’ s relatives politely, the following terms are used: otoosan* okaasan* oniisan * oneesan* otootosan im ootosan gokyoodai musukosan, botchan

otoosama * okaasama * oniisama * oneesama * otootosam a im ootosam a obotcham a

(your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their)

father mother older brother older sister younger brother younger sister brothers and sisters son

(Continued on next page]

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PO LIT E N E SS

(Continued from previous page) musumesan, ojoosan ojisan * obasan * ojiisan * obaasan* omagosan oigosan meegosan

ojoosama

(your/his/her/their) daughter

ojisama *, ojigosama obasama *, obagosama ojiisam a * obaasama * omagosama oigosama meegosama

(your/his/her/their) unde (your/his/her/their) aunt (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their) (your/his/her/their)

grandfather grandmother grandchildren nephew niece

Terms ending with “ sam a” are very polite and used more often in letters than in conversation. Women sometimes use them when speaking very politely. The terms marked with asterisks are also used when directly ad­ dressing members o f one’s own family, as in O toosa n , hayaku kaette-ne. (Come home early, Father.) Obaasama,

arigatoo-gozaim ashita.

(Thank

you very

much, Grandma.) (3 )

R e s p e c t t o w a r d a p e r s o n ’s c o n d it io n

"o "

added

to

w ord s

d e s c r ib in g

s o m e o n e 's

c o n d itio n

“ O ” or “ g o ” is added to adjectives and adverbs when describing someone’s condition politely. Ohayai-desu-ne. (Y o u ’ re early — said when meeting someone early in the morning or when someone has ar­ rived early.) Takahashi-sensee-wa

mada

owakai-desu.

(Professor

Takahashi is still young.) Ano-kata-w a itsu m o goyukkuri-desu. (H e always comes

rather late.) Sensee-wa ogenki-de-irasshaim asu-ne. (Y ou look very

well, Professor.)

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T H E E X PR E SSIO N

OF RESPECT

" o " a d d e d t o a d je c t iv e s Not all adjectives are used with “ o ” or “ g o .” Adjectives having good implications are apt to be used in this way, while those with poor implications are not. Adjectives often used with “ o” or “ g o ” ohayai ojo o zu okiree go- shinsetsu go- nesshin

Adjectives seldom used with “o” or “go”

(early) (skillful) (pretty) (kind) (enthusiastic)

osoi heta

(late) (unskillful)

fushinsetsu funesshin

(unkind) (not enthusiastic)

Some adjectives are not used “ o ” “ te(de)-irassharu” form instead. Takahashi-sensee-wa

h on to-n i

or

“ go”

but with the

kinben-de

irasshai-masu.

(P ro f. Takahashi works really hard.) " te (d e )-ir u " T o express respect toward someone’ s condition, the “ te(de)-irassharu” pattern is used " t e (d & )-ir a s s h a r u " f o r

either with “ o ” plus an adjective or with a verb. a) with “ o ” and adjective Ohayakute-irasshaimasu-ne. (Y o u ’re early — more polite

than “ O h a ya i-d esu -n e.” ) Takahashi-sensee-wa

(P ro f.

mada

owakak ute-irasshaimasu.

Takahashi is still young —

more polite than

“ Takahashi-sensee-wa mada ow akai-desu.” ) Sensee-wa ogenki-de-irasshaimasu-ne. (You look very well, Professor — more polite than “ Sensee-wa ogenki-desun e.” )

(W ith -/' adjectives, “ te-irasshaimasu” is used, while with -na ad­ jectives, “ de-irasshaim asu” is used.) b) with verbs (without “ o ” ) When a verb plus “ te -iru ” is used to describe someone’ s condi­

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PO LITE N E SS

tion (rather than his/her actions), “ te-irassharu” is used as the polite form. (to (to nite-iru (to kekkon-shite-iru (to yasete-iru fu to tte -iru

be thin) be stout) be alike,resemble) be married)

— yasete-irassharu — futotte-irassharu —

nite-irassharu

— kekkon-shiteirassharu

Ano

gokyooda i-w a

yoku

nite-irasshaimasu-ne.

(The

brothers/sisters look a lot alike.) (4 )

R e s p e c t t o w a r d a p e r s o n ’ s a c tio n s

There are two ways to respectfully refer to a person’ s actions: one is to use special verbs and the other is to use special verb patterns. s p e c ia l v e r b s There are several special verbs used to show respect toward someone’ s actions: Neutral to to to to to to to to to to to

do be come go say see eat drink wear die know

suru iru kuru iku yuu m iru taberu nomu kiru shinu shitte-iru

Respectful nasaru irassharu, oide-ni naru irassharu, oide-ni naru irassharu, oide-ni naru ossharu goran-ni naru meshiagaru meshiagaru omeshi-ni naru nakunaru, onakunari-ni naru g o zo n ji (used with -desu)

A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Sensee-wa

ima

d och ira -ni

irasshai-

masu-ka. (Where is the professor now?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: D aigaku-ni o id e -n i masu. (I think he is at the university.)

94

naru-to

o m o i-

T H E E X P R E S S IO N OF RESPECT

A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Oishasan-wa

nante

(W hat did the doctor say?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Taishita koto-w a m a s h ita . (H e said it is not serious.) H ost: D

oozo

h it o t s u

o s s h a im a s h ita ?

nai-to

m e s h ia g a tte -k u d a s a i.

o s s h a i­

(Please have

some.) s p e c ia l v e r b p a t t e r n s There are several verb patterns used to politely refer to someone’ s action, namely (1) “ o ” plus stem plus “ ni n a ru ,” (2) “ o ” plus stem plus “ d esu ,” and (3) -(a)reru. a) “ o ” plus stem plus ‘ ‘ni naru” * “ O ” plus stem followed by ‘ ‘ni naru” is used with almost any verb except those usually replaced by special verbs such as the ones listed above. Neutral to to to to to to to to

read write walk stay overnight buy sell go home go out

yomu kaku aruku tom aru kau uru kaeru (uchi-o) deru

Se c r e t a r y :

D o ch ira -o

Respectful oyom i-ni naru okaki-ni naru oaruki-ni naru otom ari-ni naru okai-ni naru ouri-ni naru okaeri-ni naru ode-ni naru

saki-ni

o y o m i- n i

n a rim a s u -k a .

(W hich one are you going to read first?) D ir e c t o r : Aa, k o re -o saki-ni yom oo. ( I ’ll read this one first.) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Taitee m a s u -k a .

asa

na nji-goro

o d e -n i

n a r i­

(W hat time do you usually leave in the morning?)

* Sometimes “ nasaru” is used instead of “ n i naru” as in “ oyom i-nasaru“ (ex. O yom i— He read it), but this sounds old-fashioned and is used chiefly by older persons.

nasaimashita

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A c q u a i n t a n c e B: K u ji-g o ro

demasu.

(I leave around

nine.) Incidentally, “ o ” plus stem plus “ kudasai ” is used as a polite and refined expression when making a request. In this case “ ni n a tte ” has been left out. Polite enter read write sit down

More polite

haitte-kudasai yonde-kudasai kaite-kudasai kakete-kudasai

ohairi-kudasai oyomi-kudasai okaki-kudasai okake-kudasai

b) “ o ” plus stem plus “ desu”

This form is often used in place o f “ o ” plus stem plus “ ni n a ru ” ; this sounds more indirect and reserved. Namely, saying N a n ji-g o ro

okaeri-desu-ka.

(W hat time are you going

home?) sounds more reserved than saying N a n ji-g o ro oka eri-n i narimasu-ka.

Thus, the following expressions are used very often: A N e i g h b o r : O hayoo-goza im asu . Kore-kara odekakedesu-ka. (G ood morning. Have a nice day — lit. A re you going out now?) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Konban-wa doch ira -ni otom ari-d esuka. (Where are you staying tonight?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: X H oteru -n i tom arim asu. ( I ’ ll stay at

X H otel.) St r a n g e r A (pointing to a public phone): K o n o denwa, otsukai-desu-ka. (A re you using this phone?) S t r a n g e r B: lie, m o o sum im ashita. D o o z o . (N o, I ’ m through. Please go ahead.)

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T H E E X PR E SSIO N O F H U M IL IT Y

c) -(a)reru This form is made by adding “ -reru ” to the negative base o f -u verbs like “ ik u ,” and “ -rareru” to that o f -ru verbs like “ m iru .” iku —» ikareru (-u verb) m iru —> m irareru (-ru verb) suru —►sareru (irregular verb) kuru —•►korareru (irregular verb) Actually this form is the same as the form used for the passive voice. This way o f expressing respect is rather formal and reservedsounding; it is most often used in official announcements or public speech: Shushoo-wa konban C huugoku-yori kikoku-saremashita.

(The Prime Minister returned from China this evening — announcement made by an official.) D aijin-w a kore-ni tsuite d o o kangaeraremasu-ka. (What do

you think about this, Mr. newspaper reporter.)

Minister?

—

asked by a

In daily conversation men use this more often than women; women more frequently use “ o . . . ni na ru.” The recent tendency is to use “ -(a)reru” when talking with strangers. People tend to use this form more often when speaking to a stranger than when speaking with their acquaintances because it still sounds rather formal. The fact that men use it more often than women can be attributed to the fact that men usually have more chances to talk with strangers than women do.

3.

The Expression o f Humility

Humble expressions are used to refer to oneself, persons or things associated with oneself, one’ s condition, and one’ s actions

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PO LIT E N E SS

when speaking politely. In the first three cases only a small number o f humble terms are used, while in the last, namely when referring to one’ s own actions, various humble expressions are used. (1 )

The

e x p r e s s io n

o f h u m ilit y

about

o n e s e lf ,

o n e ’s a sso ­

c ia te s a n d o n e ’s c o n d it io n

h u m b le e x p r e s s io n s m e a n in g " w e , " " u s " In letter­ writing and formal speech special expressions are used to refer to oneself or one’ s associates. In very old-fashioned speech too, some people use such words as “ gu sa i” (my wife — lit. my foolish wife) or “ g u s o k u ” (my son — lit. my foolish son), but in ordinary con­ versation only a few words are used to specifically refer to oneself or to persons or things associated with oneself. T o refer to oneself, “ w atashi” is used in any situation, but when humbly referring to one’s group members including oneself, “ w atashi-d om o” is used instead o f “ w atashi-tachi .” When refer­ ring to people with respect, “ -g a ta ” is used instead o f “ -ta c h i.” (cf. p.90) S h o p k e e p e r : A in ik u son o shina-wa w a ta s h id o m o -d e w a atsukatte-orim asen. ( I ’m sorry we do not handle that

article.) HOUSEWIFE:

W a ta s h id o m o -w a

son o

hi-wa

rusu-ni

itashim asu-node yoroshiku onegai-itashim asu. (W e are go­

ing to be away on that day. I ’ m sorry we can’t join you — said to a neighbor who has asked them to participate in some community activity.) h u m b le e x p r e s s io n s a b o u t o n e 's a s s o c ia te s On very formal occasions special terms are used to refer to the company where one works such as “ heesha” (our company — lit. poor company) in contrast with “ kisha ” (your company — lit. precious company). But in daily conversation humble expressions about one’ s associates fo r the most part concern family terms.

98

T H E EX PR ESSIO N OF H U M IL IT Y

When referring to one’ s own family in conversation with someone outside the family, one should try not to add “ sari” or “ c h a n ” as in “ U ch i-n o Yoshiko-chan-ga . . . ” (Our Yoshiko . . .) or “ u ch i-n o a ka ch an” (our baby). Instead one should use such terms as “ k o d o m o ” or “ a k a n b o o .” The following is a list o f the family terms used to refer to them humbly. my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my/our my my

father mother elder brother elder sister younger brother younger sister brothers & sisters grandfather grandmother child son daughter husband wife

ch ich i haha ani ane o to o to im o o to kyood a i sofu so b o kodom o m usuko m usum e shujin kanai

One uses h u m b le e x p r e s s io n s a b o u t o n e 's c o n d it io n respectful adjectives like “ oh a ya i” and “ ow a kai” when referring to other persons, but there is not much difference between descriptions o f one’ s own condition in humble speech and non-humble speech. One difference comes when using the “ te-iru ” pattern to describe condition as in yasete-iru (to be thin) kekkon-shite-iru (to be married) oru : One can use “ te -o ru ” instead to show humility. Namely, to mean “ I live in T o k y o ,” one says in non-humble speech T o o k y o o -n i sunde-imasu. (polite)

99

PART

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PO LITE N E SS

T o o k y o o -n i sunde-ru. (familiar)

and in humble speech T o o k y o o -n i sunde-orim asu. goza im asu :

Another humble expression is “ d e-goza im a su ”

as in Hai, Yam am oto-d e-gozaim asu. (This is the Yamamoto residence — said largely by women when answering the telephone.)

T o be humble, one adds “ d e-goza im a su ” to one’ s name when in­ troducing oneself: H ajim em ashite. Yam am oto-de-gozaim asu. (H ow do you

do? M y name is Yam am oto.) It is impolite to use “ d e-goza im a su ” with the second or third per­ son as in* *Shitsuree-desu-ga,

Katoo-sensee-de-gozaim asu-ka.

(Ex­

cuse me. Are you P ro f. Kato?) Instead one should say Shitsuree-desu-ga, Katoo-sensee-de-irasshaimasu-ka.

to mean the same thing. Saying “ S hitsuree-d e-gozaim asu-ga” desu-ga” is humble speech.

instead o f “ Shitsuree-

In addition, M o o s h iw a k e gozaim asen. (I am very sorry.)

is used as a more humble version o f M oo s h iw a k e arimasen.

100

T H E E X P R E S S IO N O F H U M IL IT Y (2 ) T h e e x p r e s s io n o f h u m ilit y a b o u t o n e ’ s a c tio n s

There are two types o f humble expressions used when talking about one’ s own actions; one are expressions concerning actions which are independent o f other persons, and the second are those concerning actions which are related in some way with others. h u m b le e x p r e s s io n s a b o u t a c tio n s in d e p e n d e n t o f o th e rs In polite speech one sometimes uses humble expres­

sions even when talking about one’ s own actions which are unrelated with other persons. T w o verbs are used for this purpose: “ oru” and “ ita su .” These humble verbs are also used for actions performed by others in one’ s family. a) oru The verb “ o ru ” (to be) is used in place o f “ iru ” as in A c q u a i n t a n c e A : N ich iyoobi-w a ta itee odekake-desuka. (D o you usually go out on Sunday?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: He,

taitee

uchi-n i o r im a s u .

(N o,

I

usually stay home.) A c q u a in t a n c e

O toosam a-w a

ima doch ira -ni irasshai-

masu-ka. (W here is your father now?) HOUSEWIFE: Im a niwa-ni o r im a s u . Yonde-m airim ashooka. (H e is in the garden now. Shall I call him?)

b) itasu The verb “ itasu” (to do) is often used in place o f “ su ru .” (W h at’ s your occupa­

A c q u a i n t a n c e A : O shigoto-w a?

tion?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Shuppan-o itashite-orim asu. (I work

in publishing.) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Coshujin-w a

donna

oshigoto-desu-

ka. (W hat does your husband do?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Bengoshi-o itashite-orim asu. (H e ’ s a

lawyer — lit. H e is doing a lawyer.)

101

PART

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PO LIT E N E SS

c) other verbs There are several other humble verbs commonly used in the same way: Non-humble to to to to

eat come go say

taberu kuru iku yuu

Humble itadaku m airu m airu moosu

H o u s e w if e A: Otaku-dew a asa donna m o n o -o meshiagarimasu-ka. (W hat do you have for breakfast? —

respectful) H o u s e w if e B: Uchi-dew a go h a n -to om isoshiru-o itadakimasu. (W e have cooked rice and m iso soup —

humble) H O U SE W IFE A : Goshujin-w a kyoo-w a na n ji-goro okaeridesu-ka. (W hat time is your husband coming home today?) H O U SE W IFE B : Saa, na n im o m ooshim asen-deshita-kara, ro k u ji-g o ro kaette-m airim asu-deshoo. (W ell, he didn’ t say

anything about it; he should be back around six.) h u m b le

e x p r e s s io n s

about

a c tio n s

r e la te d

to

As in the case o f expressions o f respect, humble ex­ pressions about one’ s actions related to others are o f two types, special verbs and special verb patterns.

o th e rs

a) special verbs Several different words are used as humble expressions to refer to visiting someone. T o mean “ I will come to see you” various humble expressions such as “ m a iru ,” “ uka gau ,” and “ oja m a suru” are used: Ashita sanji-ni ukagaimasu. (I will come to see you tomor­

row at 3.) Ashita sanji-ni ojama-shim asu.

102

T H E E X PR E SSIO N

OF H U M IL IT Y

Ashita sanji-ni mairimasu.

A ll three are commonly used, although probably the first two are used more frequently than the last one. The following is a list o f special verbs commonly used to humbly refer to one’ s actions that are related in some way with other persons: Humble

Non-humble to go visit someone to do to tell to see something to see someone to hear to borrow to give to be given, receive to know something to think to know someone

ukagau, ojama-suru, m airu itasu mooshiageru haiken-suru ome-ni kakaru ukagau haishaku-suru sashiageru itadaku zonjite-oru zo njiru zonjiagete-oru

iku suru yuu, hanasu m iru au kiku kariru ageru morau shitte-iru om ou shitte-iru

V is it o r T o A C o m p a n y : S h a ch oo-ni o m e -n i kakaritai-ndesu-ga. ( I ’ d like to see the director.) Se c r e t a r y : O yakusoku-deshoo-ka. (D o you have an ap­

pointment, sir/ma’ am?) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Kobayashi-san-ga k o to ,

gozonji-deshita-ka.

(Did

you

oy am e-ni

know

that

natta

Mr.

Kobayashi quit?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: lie, zonjim asen-deshita. Ima ha jim ete ukagaimashita. (N o , I didn’ t know that. This is the first I ’ ve

heard o f it.) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Yam am oto-san-o

gozonji-desu-ka.

(D o you know Mr. Yam am oto?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Hai, zon jiagete-orim asu . (Yes, I know him.)

103

P A R T II

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PO LITE N E SS

b) special verb patterns i) “ o ” plus stem plus “ suru” T o refer to one’ s actions in relationship with others, “ o ” plus ' ‘su ru ” is used with ordinary verbs; the following is a list o f some common words often used in this form: Non-humble I’ll carry it for you. I’ll wait for you. I’ll deliver it to you. I’ll pay you. I’ll inform you. I’ll send it to you. I’ll return it to you. I’ll teach you. I’ll telephone you.

Mochimasu. Machimasu. Todokemasu. Haraimasu. Shirasemasu. Okurimasu. Kaeshimasu. Oshiemasu. Denwa-shimasu.

A C Q U A IN T A N C E

A :

Humble Omochi-shimasu. Omachi-shimasu. Otodoke-shimasu. Oharai-shimasu. Oshirase-shimasu Ookuri-shimasu. Okaeshi-shimasu. Ooshie-shimasu. Odenwa-shimasu.

O m achi-shite-orim asu-kara,

zeh i

oide-kudasai. (W e ’ ll be waiting for you. Please by all means

come.) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: A rigatoo-goza im asu . Zehi masu. (Thank you. I will by all means come.)

ukagai-

Sometimes “ ita su ” or “ m o o s h ia g e ru ” is used in place o f “ suru ” to make the expression even more humble. D e p a r t m e n t S t o r e E m p l o y e e : O taku -m ad e o to d o k e itashim ashoo-ka. (W ould you like us to deliver it to your

house?) Custom

er:

Hai, onegai-shim asu. (Yes, t h a n k y o u .)

T e l e p h o n e C a l l e r : M oshim oshi, Yam am oto-sensee-deirasshaimasu-ka. (H ello, is this P ro f. Yamamoto?) Y a m a m o t o : Hai, soo-desu-ga. (Yes, it is.) T e l e p h o n e C a l l e r : H a jim e te odenw a-m ooshiagem asu. Jitsu-wa . . . (Actually you don’ t know me but . . . lit. I

am calling you for the first time. Actually . . .) 104

T H E EX PR ESSIO N OF H U M IL IT Y

“ O n egai-shim a su” is used as a set expression, but it was originally constructed using this pattern; that is, “ o ” plus “ nega i ” plus “ su ru .”

Some o f the special humble verbs are also used in this “ o ” plus stem plus “ suru” pattern; “ ukagau” is one o f them: o-ukagai-suru (to visit someone, to ask something)

However the verbs “ m a iru ,” “ agaru,” “ itasu,” “ m oo s h ia g eru ,” and “ ita d aku ” and the expressions “ haiken-suru ” and “ om e-n i kakaru” are not used in the “ o ” plus stem plus “ suru” pattern, ii) . . . (a)sete-itadaku When excusing oneself from the presence o f someone, one uses the humble expression “ Shitsuree-shim asu” (Please excuse me — lit. I ’m going to be rude). And to make this more humble “ Shitsuree-suru” is often combined with “ (a)sete-itad aku” — the causative form plus “ te-ita d a k u ” — as in Kyoo-w a kore-d e s h its u re e -s a s e te -ita d a k im a s u . ( I ’ m going

to leave now.) This literally means “ I will receive from you the favor o f letting me be rude.” This form sounds humble because it implies that one is going to do something with the permission o f the listener. Ashita-w a y a s u m a s e te -ita d a k im a s u . (I would like to be ab­

sent tom orrow — said by an employee to his/her boss.) H ayam e-ni k a e r a s e te -ita d a k ita i-n -d e s u -g a . ( I ’ d like to be excused a little early today — said by an employee to his/her boss.) A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Kore, ko n d o deta zasshi-desu. (This

is a new magazine — i.e. the first issue.) B: Soo-desu-ka. C h o tto y o m a s e te it a d a k e m a s u -k a . (Is that so? M ay I take a look at it?) A c q u a in t a n c e

As seen in these examples, this pattern is often used when making

105

PART

II

VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

requests; “ (a)sete-kudasai” and “ (a)sete-kudasaim asen-ka” are also used in requests. C h o tto yomasete-kudasaimasen-ka. (M ay I take a look at

it?)

4.

The Expression o f Reserve

p o lit e n e s s a n d r e s e r v e T o be truly polite, one must pay attention not only to levels o f speech and showing respect and humbleness but also to showing reserve. Even if one speaks in polite language, using appropriate expressions showing respect toward others and humility about oneself, one can still be impolite. For instance, i f someone said to an acquaintance something like *Ashita

otaku-ni

oukagai-suru

oyakusoku-deshita-ga,

tsugoo-ga waruku narim ashita-node, yam esasete-itadakimasu. (I promised to visit you tomorrow, but it has become

inconvenient for me, so I will not be coming.) it would sound impolite even though the wording is correct. This person used proper humble expressions like “ oukagai-suru” and “ yam esasete-itadakim asu ,” but failed to show regret over caus­ ing the listener inconvenience and hesitancy in talking about the change. In fact, the expression o f reserve in large part concerns the indication o f such regret or hesitancy. Expressing reserve is necessary in the following cases: 1. 2. 3. 4.

when when when when

addressing someone making a request expressing one’ s judgment or opinion stating one’ s own wishes or convenience

And the expression o f reserve is necessary not only in polite speech but also in familiar speech.

106

T H E E X PR E SSIO N OF RESERVE

(1 ) R eserved expressions used when addressing som eone When addressing someone, either an acquaintance or a stranger, one should indicate reserve through the use o f several different expressions. a) a n o o (well. . .; excuse me; say. . .) “ A n o o ” is used when addressing someone, when stating one’ s opinion, and when making a request: P a s s e r b y A : A n o o . . . (Excuse me.) P a s s e r b y B: Hai. (Yes?) P a s s e r b y A : Sum im asen-ga k o n o hen-ni kooban-w a arimasen-ka. (Sorry to trouble you. Is there a police box near

here?) Se c t i o n M e m b e r : A n o o , k a c h o o . . . (Excuse me.) Se c t i o n C h i e f : Uun. . . (Yes . . .) SECTION M e m b e r : O sh igoto-ch u u , sumimasen-ga. (Sorry to trouble you while you are working.) “ A n o o ” is often used as a stopgap phrase when looking for the proper words, but it is also used to indicate hesitancy about trou­ bling someone. In polite speech, “ anoo” should be pronounced slowly to show hesitancy. It sounds rude to say “ C h o tto !” to attract the attention o f others, even when they are employees in stores or restaurants. It is better to use “ A n o o ” or “ S u m im a sen .”

b) sum im asen (excuse me, sorry) “ S u m im asen ,” often pronounced “ suim asen,” is used to at­ tract someone’ s attention with reserve, as well as to express apology. When attracting a waiter’ s or waitress’ s attention, “ S um im asen ” or “ O negai-shim asu ” is usually used. C u s t o m e r : Sum im asen! (Waitress!) W a it r e s s : Hai. (Yes?) C u s t o m e r : Biiru, kudasai. (Give me a beer, please.) 107

P A R T II

VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

C u s t o m e r : Sum im asen. (Excuse me.) P o s t O f f i c e E m p l o y e e : Hai. (Y e s? ) C ustom

er:

K itte kudasai. (Give me some stamps, please.)

c) onegai-shim asu (excuse me) “ O n egai-shim a su” is used to attract attention when you want someone to wait on you. When you find nobody around to help you in a store, you should say “ O negai-shim asu” instead o f * “ K o n n ich iw a ” (G ood day). d) m osh im osh i (hello; say) “ m o s h im o s h i” is used to attract someone’ s attention on the phone, and sometimes in other situations as well. (noticing that Passerby B has dropped something): M o s h im o s h i, nanika ochim ashita-yo. (Say, you’ve dropped something!) P A S S E R B Y B: A, d o o m o sumimasen. (Oh, thank you very much.) P a sserby

A

“ A n o o ” is also used very commonly in this sort o f situation. (2 ) R e s e r v e d e x p r e s s io n s u s e d w h e n m a k i n g a r e q u e s t

When making a request, one should express one’ s regrets about having to trouble the other person by using indirect expressions and proper sentence endings. e x p r e s s in g r e g r e t a t t r o u b lin g o t h e r s

a) sum im asen-ga {lit. I ’m sorry but) W hile “ S u m im a s e n !” is used to attract someone’ s attention, “ S um im asen-ga ” is used to indicate one’ s hesitancy about trou­ bling the other person. A c q u a i n t a n c e A (before leaving his office together with his visitor, Acquaintance B): Sumimasen-ga, c h o tto k o k o de m atte-ite-itadakem asen-ka. C h o tto s h ig o to-o katazukete-kim asu-node. (Could you wait here a short while? I ’ ll just finish up some work.)

108

T H E E X P R E S S IO N O F RESERVE

A c q u a i n t a n c e B : E e , d o o z o g o y u k k u r i . (That’ s all right.

Please take your time.) “ S u m i m a s e n - g a ” is most common in such a situation, but there are several other expressions used for the same purpose: O s o r e ir im a s u - g a

. . . ( I ’m very sorry to trouble you —

form al) M o o s h iw a k e a r im a s e n - g a

. . . ( I ’m very sorry to trouble you

— very polite) b)

o i s o g a s h i i t o k o r o - o ( l i t . when you’ re so busy) There are several set expressions used when one expresses reserve about making a request. These expressions are used to indicate that one is going to trouble someone although one knows one shouldn’ t do so. They often use . . t o k o r o - o ” (while you are . . .) as part o f them: o is o g a s h ii t o k o r o - o

(when you’ re so busy)

o y a s u m i- n o t o k o r o - o k o rm a jik a n - n i

(when you are resting)

(at such an hour)

y o ru o s o k u

(so late at night)

asa h a y a k u

(so early in the morning)

These expressions are used before those discussed in the previous section, as in O is o g a s h ii t o k o r o - o s u m im a s e n - g a . . . O y a s u m i- n o t o k o r o - o m o o s h iw a k e a rim a s e n -g a . . . K o n n a jik a n - n i o s o r e ir im a s u - g a . . . Y o r u o s o k u m o o s h iw a k e a rim a s e n -g a . . .

The other person will politely answer with

109

P A R T II

VERBAL

PO LIT E N E SS

lie, kam aim asen. (N o , I don’ t mind at all.)

c) gom eew aku -tow a om oim a su-ga ( lit . I know it’s a nuisance for you but) Several expressions are used to indicate the speaker’s reserve about making a request although aware o f the trouble it may cause. T o give the most common ones: G om eew aku -tow a

om oim asu-ga

...

(I

know

it is a

nuisance for you but) O te s u u -o okake-shim asu-ga . . . ( I ’ m causing you much

trouble but) M a k o to -n i m ooshiagenikui-n-desu-ga . . . (I really hate to

ask this but) s e n t e n c e e n d in g s s h o w in g r e s e r v e a b o u t a r e q u e s t

a) (te)-itadakem asen-ka, (te)-kudasaimasen-ka These two endings are those most commonly used in reserved re­ quests. ( “ te-kudasai ” does not sound very polite and cannot be used in polite requests). They are similar in degree o f politeness; the difference, i f any, is that the first sounds a little more reserved. M o o sukoshi kuwashiku setsumee-shite-itadakemasen-ka.

(Could you please explain it in a little more detail?) Kore, c h o tto goran-kudasaimasen-ka. (W ould you please

take a look at this?) Before

“ itadakem asen-ka ”

or

“ te-kudasaim asen-ka ”

comes

either the “ te” form o f a verb, “ o ” plus stem, or “ g o ” plus a kanj i compound (like “ g o ra n ” ). T o sound more reserved “ m asen-deshoo-ka ” is used, as in Kore, c h o tto goran-itadakem asen-deshoo-ka. “ (te)-ita d akem a su-ka” and “ (te)-kudasaim asu-ka” used but are not as common. 110

are also

T H E E X P R E S S IO N OF RESERVE

As less polite forms o f these patterns, “ te-m ora em a sen -ka” and “ te-kurem asen-ka” are used between equals or toward younger persons. In familiar speech too, one indicates reserve about troubling others with “ te -m ora e n a i ?” and “ te-kurenai ?” In requests where reserve is not needed, “ te” and “ te-ne” are used, as in C h o tto m a tte(-n e). (W ait a moment, will you?) (3 ) R e s e r v e d e x p r e s s io n s u s e d w h e n s ta tin g a n o p in io n

e x p r e s s io n s u sed b e f o r e s t a t in g a n o p in io n

a)

soo-desu-nee (well) When giving one’s opinion with reserve one starts with “ soodesu-nee >” even when one feels quite definite about it. This use o f “ soo-d esu -n ee ” is surprisingly frequent. I f you watch a television program on which an interviewer asks people for their opinions, you will see that almost all o f them start o f f with this expression.

“ S oo-d esu -n ee ” literally means “ That’ s so, isn’t it?” but when used in this situation, it does not indicate agreement, but shows hesitation and thus reserve. In this usage it should be said with a dangling tone as in

So o de su ne . . e. . .

without any rise or fall in intonation rather than saying “ Soo-desune” in one breath. When it means “ That’ s right,” it is said with a falling tone; the “ ne” falls after rising slightly. So

nk "v

o desu When it is used to solicit agreement, meaning “ That’ s right, don’ t you think?,” it is said with a rising tone on the “ ne.” Ill

PART

So

II

V E R B A L P O LIT E N E S S

ne S' o desu

On the other hand, i f it falls and is dragged out with “ nee,” it in­ dicates disapproval. So

ne o de su e

Se c t i o n C h i e f : Ashita-m ade-ni dekiru-kana. (I wonder if this can be done by tomorrow.) Se c t i o n M e m b e r : S o o -d e s u -n e e . . . D ekireba asatte-ni shite-itadakitai-n-desu-ga. (W ell . . . I f possible, the day

after tom orrow would be better.) This expression is also used in familiar conversations or by seniors toward juniors, but in the form “ d a-nee” instead o f “ d esu -n ee.” Se c t i o n M e m b e r : K ore-d e ii-deshoo-ka. (Is this all right?) Se c t i o n C h i e f : Un, s o o -d a -n e e . . . Koko-w a c h o tto naoshita hoo-ga ii-k a m o shirenai-ne. (W ell, you might

change this part a little bit.) b) saa (well) This is usually used with such expressions as “ w akarim asen ” (I don’t understand) or “ shirim asen ” (I don’t know) to show one’ s reserve about expressing an opinion. A t times it is used alone. A c q u a in t a n c e which is better.)

A:

D o tch i-g a

ii-deshoo-ne.

(I

wonder

A c q u a i n t a n c e B: S a a . . . yoku wakarimasen-kedo, k o tc h i-n o hoo-ga yosasoo-desu-ne. (W ell, I don’ t know for

sure, but this seems to be better.) Se c t i o n C h i e f : K ore-d e ii-kana. (I wonder if this is all right.)

112

T H E EX PR ESSIO N OF RESERVE

Se c t i o n M e m b e r : Saa (W ell . . .) S e c t i o n C h i e f : H akkiri itte-kure-yo. (G o ahead and speak frankly.) Se c t i o n M e m b e r : Hai, jaa . . . (A ll right — he starts

stating his opinion.) a d v e r b s a n d p h ra s e s u sed t o in d ic a t e r e s e r v e When giving one’ s opinion with reserve, several different adverbs and phrases are used to make the tone more indefinite. a) d o o m o (somehow) “ D o o m o ” means “ somehow, very much, indeed.” It is used with positive-sounding expressions like “ a r i g a t o o but it can also imply a negative judgment. The rest o f the sentence after “ d o o m o ” is often left out: S e c t i o n C h i e f : Ashita-wa d oo? (H ow about tomorrow?)

. . . (Tom orrow somehow — a phrase meaning “ is not convenient” is implied.) Se c t i o n

M e m b e r : Ashita-wa

doom o

b) am ari (not very) “ A m a ri” also implies a negative judgment and can be used with the rest o f the sentence omitted. A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Yam am oto-san-ni

ta n om oo-k a -to

om ou-n-desu-ga. ( I ’ m wondering if I should ask Mr. Yam am oto to do it.) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Ano-hito-w a am ari . . . (H e is not very . . .) c) ch o tto , sukoshi, s h o o s h o o (a little)

These words are used to weaken the tone o f disapproval or criticism, as in* * "D o o m o ” originally precedes expressions of negative form or implication: since “ a riga to o ” originally means “ it is difficult to exist,” "d o o m o ” is appropriate with it. In the same way "d o o m o ” is appropriate with "sh itsure e ,” which also has a negative meaning.

113

PART

Koko-w a

II

c h o tto

VERBAL

kaeta

P O LIT E N E SS

hoo-ga

ii-k am o shiremasen.

(It

might be best to change this part a little bit.) O f the three, “ s h o o s h o o ” sounds most formal and “ c h o t t o ” most familiar. d) m oshika-suru-to (perhaps) “ M osh ik a -su ru -to” and “ m oshika-shitara ” are used to indicate that the possibility o f something or other is small; the two are quite similar, although the latter sounds slightly more familiar. They are usually followed by “ k a m o shirem asen.” M oshika-su ru-to

am e-ga

furu -kam o

shiremasen-yo.

(It

might start raining.) r e s e r v e d s e n t e n c e e n d in g s When expressing an opinion with reserve, one uses indirect sentence endings rather than definite-sounding ones. For instance, instead o f saying Yoku arimasen. (It ’ s not good.)

one will say in reserved speech Yoku nai-n-ja nai-deshoo-ka. ( I ’ m afraid it’ s not good.)

or Yoku nai-n-ja nai-ka-to om oim asu-ga. ( I ’ m afraid it’ s not

good.) And one will often use such adverbs as “ am a ri ” and “ d o o m o ” as in A m a ri yoku nai-n-ja nai-deshoo-ka. ( I ’ m afraid it’ s not very

good.) D o o m o am ari yoku nai-n-ja nai-ka-to om oim asu-ga. ( I ’ m

afraid it does not seem to be very good.) a) n-ja nai-deshoo-ka. (I wonder i f it is not . . .)/n-ja nai-ka-to o m o im a s u -k e d o (I wonder i f it is not the case that . . . but)

These sentence endings are used to indicate the speaker’ s reserve

114

T H E EX PR ESSIO N OF RESERVE

about expressing an opinion and his or her readiness to listen to the other person’ s opinion. The pattern “ to o m o im a s u ” is usually followed by “ kedo/keredo/ga.” S e c t i o n C h i e f : Ashita-m ade-ni dekiru-kane. (Can it be

finished by tom orrow?) Se c t io n M e m

ber:

S a a . . . ashita-wa c h o tto murina-n-ja

n a i-k a -to o m o im a s u -g a .

(W ell, I ’m afraid it can’ t be done

by tom orrow.) When such reserved endings are used in familiar speech, they are used in somewhat different forms: S e c t io n M e m

ber:

K a ch oo, kore-de yoroshii-deshoo-ka.

(Is this all right, Section Chief?) S e c t i o n C h i e f : Un, soo-da-naa . . . Koko-w a nai hoo-ga

(W ell, let me see . . . This part might be left out, don’t you think?)

n -ja n a i-k a n a .

Women usually use “ kashira” instead o f “ kana ” : Ee, s o o-n e e . . . Koko-w a nai hoo-ga ii-n -ja n a i-k a s h ir a .

b) k a m o shirem asen (may) This is used to indicate that the speaker thinks the possibility o f something is not very high. A m e-ga fu r u - k a m o s h ire m a s e n -n e . (It may start raining.) M osh ik a su ru -to korarenai-kam o s h ire m a s e n . ( I ’ m afraid I

may not be able to come.) c) other sentence endings T o sound reserved, “ d e s h o o ” is preferred over “ c/esu” : K o ch ira -n o

hoo-ga

yoroshii-deshoo-ne.

(This might be

better.) Also “ y o o ” (look like) is added to make a sentence sound less definite:

115

PART

II

VERBAL

PO LIT E N E SS

K o ch ira -n o hoo-ga yoroshii y oo-n i om oim asu-ga. (I should

think this is better.) T o avoid sounding definite about one’ s beliefs, “ to o m o im a s u ” is often replaced by such expressions as “ yoona ki-ga shim asu” (it seems to me) and “ y o o -n io m o w a re m a s u ” (it seems to me — formal). (4 )

R e se rv e d

e x p r e s s io n s

used

w hen

s ta tin g

o n e ’s

con­

v e n ie n c e

In polite conversation one should show reserve when stating one’ s own convenience. One way is to use some preliminary remark before coming out and stating one’ s convenience; another is to leave the last part o f the sentence unsaid. p r e lim in a r y r e m a r k s

a) dekim ashitara (if possible) T o show reserve, one says “ dekim ashitara” before stating one’ s convenience: A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Ja, itsu-ni shimashoo-ka. (W hat day shall we make it?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Ee, dekimashitara ashita-ga yoroshiin-desu-ga. ( I f possible, tomorrow would be convenient for

me.) Sometimes “ d ekim ashitara” alone is used when agreeing with something. A c q u a i n t a n c e A : Ja,

ashita-ni

shimashoo-ka.

(Then

shall we make it tom orrow?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Hai, dekimashitara. (Yes, if possible.)

Similar expressions are “ y orosh ika tta ra ” (if it suits you) and “ osashitsukae nakattara” (if it doesn’t inconvenience you). In familiar speech “ yoka tta ra ” (if it suits you) and “ sashitsukae nakattara” ( i f it doesn’ t inconvenience you) are used.

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T H E E X PR E SSIO N

OF RESERVE

b) katte-desu-ga (/it. I ’ m being selfish but) This pattern indicates that one is going to go ahead and state one’ s convenience although realizing it is impolite to do so. Similar expressions are “ kattena k o to -o yuu/mooshiageru yoodesu-ga” (lit. it may sound as if I am talking in a selfish way, but) and “ kattena k o to -o m o o s h ia g ete sum im asen-ga’ ’ (lit. I ’ m sorry to talk in a selfish way, but). r e s e r v e d e x p r e s s io n s c o n c e rn in g o n e 's c o n v e n ie n c e

a) to tasukarimasu-ga (it would help me if) This is usually used with conditional expressions like “ so o shiteita d a keru -to” (if you would do so for me): Raishuu-ni shite itadakeru-to taihen ta s u k a r im a s u -g a . (It

would help me a lot if we could make it next week.) A similar expression, “ to arigatai-n-desu-ga” (lit. I would be grateful), is also used Raishuu-ni shite-itad akeru-to taihen a r ig a ta i-n -d e s u -g a . (It

would help me a lot i f we could make it next week.) This type o f expression is always followed by “ k e d o ” or “ g a ” when indicating one’ s convenience. b) tara-to om oim a su-ga (I wish) This literally means “ i f . . .,” the rest implying “ I would be very happy” is understood and left out: R a is h u u -n i s h it e - it a d a k e t a r a - t o o m o im a s u -g a .

(It would be

very good i f we could make it next week.) This also should end in “ g a ” or “ k e d o .” t r y in g t o a c c o m m o d a t e o n e s e lf t o o t h e r s It is polite to indicate that you will act according to the other person’ s wishes before actually stating your own convenience. In fact many Japanese first use such expressions when asked about their convenience:

117

PART

II

VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

Itsu-d em o kekkoo-desu. (A n y time will do.) D o k o -d e m o kekkoo-desu. (A n y place will be all right with

me.) N a n -d e m o kam aim asen. (Anything will be all right with

me.) In actuality one cannot always agree to what another person wishes, and one will then have to state one’s own convenience anyway, but it is regarded as childish to immediately start stating one’ s own convenience when asked. Thus, a reserved conversation will proceed as follows: A

c q u a in t a n c e

A:

K ono

tsugi-wa

itsu-ni shimashoo.

(W hen shall we meet next?) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: Itsu-d em o kekkoo-desu. (An y day will be fine.) A : Raishuu-no getsuyoobi-w a doo-desu-ka. (W hat about next week M onday?) B: Soo-desu-nee . . . getsuyoobi-w a . . . (W ell, Monday isn’ t . . .) A : Ja, kayoobi. (Tuesday, then.) B: A n o o , kattena k o to -o m ooshiageru yoo-desu-ga . . . (W ell, I hate to be pushy, but . . .) A : le, d o o z o , d o o z o . (Please go ahead.) B: D ekim ashitara su iyoob i-n i shite-itadakeru-to tasukarimasu-ga. ( I f possible, Wednesday would be good for me.) A : li-desu-yo. Ja, suiyoobi. (Wednesday is fine.) B: D o o m o m ooshiw ake arimasen. (Thank you — lit. I ’ m very sorry.) e x p r e s s io n s u sed w h e n s t a r t in g d iscu ssion s

a) sassoku-desu-ga (lit. it is so soon but) It is impolite to go into business discussions without due pro118

T H E E X PR E SSIO N O F RESERVE

cedure in Japan. Foreigners often complain that Japanese businessmen tend to spend too much time talking before they start business discussions. Actually, when they are forced to, they can start talking business rather quickly, but still they have the idea that one should spend sufficient time and energy in building up a good atmosphere before going into business discussions. Thus, several expressions are used in apology for having to start business discussions too quickly. Sassoku-desu-ga

kono

a id a - n o

o h a n a s h i- d e s u - n e

...

(I

sound hasty, but this is about what we discussed the other day) b)

j i t s u - w a (as a matter o f fact) This phrase is also used when one starts discussing or explaining something. W hile “ s a s s o k u - d e s u - g a ” is most often used when starting business discussions, “ j i t s u - w a ” is used in any situation.

A c q u a i n t a n c e A (after talking about the weather and general topics): Jitsu-wa k y o o - w a c h o tto o n e g a i- g a a r im a s h ite

. . . (A s a matter o f fact, I wonder if I could ask

for a favor.) A c q u a i n t a n c e B: H a i, d o n n a course. What can I do for you?)

k o to -d e s h o o .

(Yes, o f

Even these days when time is valuable and people like to act quick­ ly, it is regarded as impolite to start on what one has to say before the other person is ready. (5 ) A

r e s e r v e d d e v e lo p m e n t o f c o n v e r s a t io n

When talking with someone with reserve, it is most important that one uses not only reserved expressions but also a reserved development o f the con­ versation in general. By reserved development, we mean paying special attention to how the listener feels about the talk. Namely, you should first make sure that the listener is ready to c o n s id e r a t io n t o w a r d t h e lis t e n e r

119

PART

II

VERBAL

PO LIT E N E SS

listen. In other words, you should use the reserved expressions for addressing someone discussed earlier. And after you have started talking, it is necessary to frequently stop and ascertain that the listener understands and is ready to continue to listen. The proper use o f aizuchi (see p. 19) plays an important role in this respect. Y ou should always make sure, while you are speaking, that the listener is pleasantly following your talk. What matters is, in a word, your consideration toward the listener. p r o c e e d in g s t e p b y s t e p Thus, in reserved speech, one must try to proceed step by step. For instance, when you are ex­ plaining a certain matter, you should first introduce the topic as in S enjitsu-no kaigi-no koto-na-n-desu-ga . . . (This is about

the last meeting.) And when the speaker has been prepared for the next step, you can go on to further explanation, as in J itsu-wa ano k ettee-n i tsuite m o o ich id o kangaeta-n-desuga. (A s a matter o f fact I have been thinking the decision

over.) and wait for the listener to give aizuchi. One can even pause after “ Jitsu-wa ano k e tte e -n i ts u ite ,” and wait for the other person to give aizuchi. Then you will go on to explain how you felt on second thought. D o o m o h iy o o -n o ten-de m ondai-ga aru yoona ki-ga suruno-desu-ga. (Somehow it seems to me that there is a prob­

lem in respect to the cost.) This may seem to be overhesitant and somewhat clumsy, but in Japanese conversation it sounds more considerate and therefore polite. I f you said the whole thing in one breath, as in *S enjitsu-no kaigi-no k ettee-n i tsuite m o o ich id o kangaete-m ite, h iy o o -n o ten-de m ondai-ga aru-to om oim ashita.

120

T H E E X P R E S S IO N

OF G IV IN G

AND

R E C E IV IN G

FAVORS

it will be understood but it will not sound reserved. T o sound reserved, using expressions o f reserve — such as “ no k o to-d es u -ga ,” “ n-desu-ga ,” “ d o o m o ” and “ yoona ki-ga su ru ,” as shown in the example above — is very important, but going through a step-by-step development is even more important.

5.

The Expression o f Giving and Receiving Favors

(1 )

R e f e r r i n g to h a v in g r e c e iv e d a f a v o r

When referring to someone’ s action which has had some good effect on the speaker, the speaker has to use an expression acknowledging this favor. For instance, when someone has informed you about something, you should say something like r e a d in e s s t o a c k n o w le d g e a f a v o r

1. Oshiete-kudasaim ashita. (H e was kind enough to tell me.) 2. O shiete-kurem ashita. (H e was kind enough to tell me.) 3. O shiete-itadakim ashita. (H e was kind enough to tell me.) 4. O shiete-m oraim ashita. (H e was kind enough to tell me.) Nos. 1 and 2 emphasize someone’ s doing a kind action and 3 and 4 emphasize the speaker’ s receiving kindness from someone; Nos. 1 and 3 indicate that the favor was done by a superior and 2 and 4 that it was done by an equal. However, all four express the speaker’ s consciousness o f the doer’ s kindness. I f in referring to the same action o f someone telling you something, you said *Oshiem ashita.

or *Tanaka-san-ga watashi-ni oshiemashita.

it would sound strange. This is appropriate only when the speaker 121

P A R T II

VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

has no personal feelings towards the doer o f the action or has an antipathy toward him or her. In the same way, such statements as the following sound foreign: 5. *Tar>aka-san-ga w atashi-o tetsudaim ashita. (Miss Tanaka helped me.) 6. *Tanaka-san-ga watashi-ni denwa-shimashita. (Miss Tanaka telephoned me.) 7. *Tanaka-san-ga w atashi-tachi-no k o d o m o -n o k o m o ri-o shimashita. (Miss Tanaka did babysitting for us.) 8. *Tanaka-san-ga eki-m ade w atashi-tachi-o okurim ashita. (Miss Tanaka walked with us to the station by way o f seeing us o ff.) These statements will sound all right if changed as follows: 5. Tanaka-san-ga tetsudatte-kuremashita/kudasaimashita. Tanaka-san-ni tetsudatte-m oraim ashita/itadakim ashita.

6. Tanaka-san-ga denwa-shite-kuremashita/kudasaimashita. Tanaka-san-ni denw a-shite-m oraim ashita/itadaki mash ita.

7. Tanaka-san-ga k o m o ri-o shite-kuremashita/kudasaimashita. Tanaka-san-ni k o m o ri-o shite-m oraim ashita/itadakim ashita.

8. Tanaka-san-ga

eki-m ad e

okutte-kurem ashita/kudasaima-

shita. Tanaka-san-ni eki-m ad e

okutte-m oraim ashita/itadakim a-

shita.

It is very important to be ready to acknowledge a favor in this way; this consciousness o f receiving a favor from someone is essential if you want to understand and use polite language in Japanese. Even when the agent is not conscious o f having done a favor for the speaker, the speaker will often refer to such a favor. For in­ stance, a teacher will say something like the following about his or her student:

122

T H E EX PR ESSIO N OF G IV IN G

AND

R EC EIVIN G

FAVORS

(He/She studies hard these days — lit. He/She is doing me the favor o f studying hard.)

K on o-goro-w a

yoku

benkyoo-shite-kurem asu.

Although the student is not studying just to please the teacher, the teacher is happy about the student’ s hard work, and uses “ k u re ru ” to indicate warm feelings toward that student. Referring to a favor is necessary even when talking about actions in the third person; it is even more necessary when directly thank­ ing the performer o f some kindness for one. a c k n o w le d g in g

a

fa v o r

w h en

t h a n k in g

som e­

When thanking someone, you should be sure to use ex­ pressions o f receiving a favor both in polite speech and familiar speech, as in one

Tetsudatte-kudasatte, arigatoo-gozaim ashita. (Thank you

very much for helping me — polite) Tetsudatte-kurete,

arigatoo.

(Thanks for your help —

familiar) Tetsudatte-itadaite,

arigatoo-gozaim ashita.

(Thank you

very much for helping me — polite) Tetsu d atte-m ora tte, arigatoo. (Thanks for your help —

familiar) You cannot say something like * “ Tetsudatte, a rig a to o -g oz a i­ m a sh ita .”

T o give another example, when receiving a visitor it is polite to say something like Yoku kite-kudasaim ashita. (Thank you very much for com­

ing — polite) Yoku oide-kudasaim ashita.

(Thank you very much for

coming — very polite) Yoku kite-kureta-ne. (Thanks for coming — familiar)

123

P A R T II

VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

It is not polite to say *“ Yoku k im a sh ita -ne.” a c k n o w le d g in g a f a v o r in a b u sin ess s it u a t io n

Even in business transactions expressions o f receiving a favor are common. For instance, when talking about having consulted a doctor, you will say Oisha-san-ni m ite-itadakim ashita. (I consulted a doctor — lit. I received the favor o f seeing me from a doctor.)

In the same way: T eep u -rek ood a a -o naoshite-m oratta. (I had my tape recorder fixed — lit. I received the favor o f fixing my tape

recorder.) Tanaka-sensee-ni n ih o n g o -o oshiete-itadakim ashita. (P ro f.

Tanaka taught me Japanese.) In the above situations, the speaker paid for the service or help, but it is still common to indicate having received a favor. u se b y s a le s p e o p le People engaged in sales use expres­ sions o f the customers paying them a favor very often. For in­ stance, instead o f saying “ k o re -o tsukaeba” (if you use this), they will often say K o re -o otsukai-itadakeba, m o tto otoku-d e-gozaim asu. (I f

you use this, it will save you money.) Instead o f saying “ tazunetara ” (if you ask us a question), they will say Otazune-itadakim ashitara, kuwashiku gosetsu m eem ooshiagem asu. ( I f you ask us, we will be glad to answer — lit. I f we receive the favor o f your asking us, we will

humbly answer your questions.)

(2 )

E x p r e s s i o n s o f g iv i n g a n d r e c e iv in g c o n c re t e o b je c t s

w o r d s c o r r e s p o n d in g t o " g i v e "

124

It is easier to understand

THE

E X P R E S S IO N O F G IV IN G A N D

R E C E IV IN G FAVO RS

expressions o f giving and receiving favors if one understands how the action o f giving and receiving concrete objects is expressed in Japanese. When speaking in Japanese, there is no single word correspond­ ing to the English word “ give.” In other words, when referring to someone giving something, one must know who gives it to whom. Let’ s look at the Japanese for “ I give.” I g iv e When you say “ I ’m giving something to him/her,” there are three words from which to choose:

1. sashiageru (when giving something to someone o f higher status) 2. ageru (when giving something to someone o f equal status) 3. yaru (when giving something to someone o f lower status) Thus: 1. Sensee-ni hana-o sashiagemashita. (I gave flowers to the Professor.) 2. T o m o d a ch i-n i hana-o agemashita. (I gave flowers to my friend.) 3. K o d o m o -n i hana-o yarimashita. (I gave flowers to my child.) When referring to giving something to the listener, basically you can choose a verb from the above: 1. sashiageru (toward someone o f higher status) Kore, sashiagemasu. ( I ’ m giving this to you.) 2. ageru (toward someone o f equal status) Kore, ageru. ( I ’ m giving this to you.) 3. yaru (toward someone o f lower status) Kore, yaru. ( I ’ m giving this to you.) But in actual usage, one often refrains from using such direct ex­ pressions as “ sashiageru” in the presence o f a superior, and uses completely different expressions instead:

125

PART

II

Shitsuree-desu-ga

V E R B A L PO LIT E N E SS

d o oz o .

{lit.

I ’m

being

rude,

but

please[take it].) Tsum aranai m ono-desu-ga. {lit. This is a trifling thing, but

[please take it].) Even among equals, one often avoids using “ a g eru ” and chooses another expression like Kore, tsukatte-kudasai. (Please use this.) Yoroshikattara, d o o z o . (Please accept it if you’ d like.) Kore, m ora tte-kurena i? (W o n ’ t you take this?)

Incidentally, acquaintances usually use polite expressions like one would use toward a superior, and male friends and male family members use terms that one would use toward an inferior. M a n (to a friend): Kore, yaru-yo. W

om an

(to a friend): Kore, ageru-wa.

F a t h e r (to his child): Kore, yaru-yo. M o t h e r (to her child): Kore, ageru-wa. s o m e o n e g iv in g s o m e t h in g t o " m e " When referring to someone giving something to oneself, the speaker chooses one o f the following two verbs:

1. kudasaru (someone o f higher status gives something to the speaker) 2. kureru (someone o f equal/lower status gives something to the speaker) Thus: Sensee-ga kudasaimashita. (The professor gave it to me.) T o m od a ch i-g a kurem ashita. (M y friend gave it to me.) O to o to -g a kurem ashita. (M y younger brother gave it to

me.) 126

T H E E X PR E SSIO N O F G IV IN G

AND

R E C E IV IN G FAVORS

Notice that since both “ kudasaru” and “ k ureru” mean “ give something to M E , ” it is not ordinarily necessary to mention “ w atashi-ni .” Only when you want to emphasize “ t o M E ,” you will say Sensee-ga watashi-ni kudasaimashita. O to o to -g a b ok u -n i kureta. (men) Im o o to -g a watashi-ni kureta. (women/men)

Note also that you cannot use phrases like * “ watashi-ni ageru” or * ‘ ‘watashi-ni y a r u when something is given to you yourself, you must use “ kudasaru ” or “ k u re ru .” r e c e iv in g s o m e t h in g There are also various ways o f ex­ pressing “ I receive” : 1. itadaku (when receiving something from someone o f higher status) 2. m ora u (when receiving equal/lower status)

something

from

someone

of

Thus: Kore-w a

sensee-ni/kara

itadakimashita.

(I received this

from the professor.) Kore-w a tom odachi-ni/kara m oraim ashita. (I received this

from my friend.) Kore-w a otooto-ni/kara m oraim ashita. (I received this from

my younger brother.) “ . . ni ita d aku” and “ . . ga kudasaru” refer to the same situa­ tion and both are polite. Sensee-ni itadakimashita. (The professor gave it to me.) Sensee-ga kudasaimashita. (The professor gave it to me.)

Both show that the speaker is grateful, but with . ga kudasai­ the speaker emphasizes the other person’s kindness,

m ashita”

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VERBAL

PO LITE N E SS

whereas with . .ni ita d akim a sh ita” the speaker is more concern­ ed with being the recipient o f a favor. Thus, if one were to draw a distinction between the two expressions, . ga kudasaim ashita” corresponds to “ he kindly gave it to me,” whereas . ni itadaki­ m ashita” corresponds to “ I received from him the favor o f giving it.” The same distinction applies to . ga k u reta ” and . ni m o ra tta .” (This also applies to verbs o f favor following the “ te” form , which is explained in the next section.) r e f e r r in g t o o t h e r p e r s o n s g iv in g a n d r e c e iv in g c o n c r e t e o b je c t s W e have seen how the speaker’ s giving and receiving something is expressed. When describing others giving and receiv­ ing something, one first decides whether or not one can identify oneself with that person. Namely, i f you are referring to someone o f equal or lower status, you can use the same words you would use for yourself, as in T o m od a ch i-g a

sensee-ni

h on -o

sashiagemashita.

(M y

friend gave a book to his teacher.) O to o to -g a to m o d a ch i-n i h on -o agemashita. (M y younger

brother gave a book to his friend.) O toosa n -ga o to o to -n i h on -o yatta. (M y father gave a book

to my younger brother.) Im o o to -g a tom od a ch i-ka ra h on -o m oratta. (M y younger

sister received a book from her friend.) Im o o to -g a sensee-kara h on -o itadaita. (M y younger sister

received a book from her teacher.) But when referring to someone o f higher status you cannot use such expressions; you have to choose a completely different word­ ing. When your teacher gives something to another teacher, his col­ league, the giving is done between equals, so you choose “ a g eru ,” and since you are referring to a teacher, you use respectful expres­ sions as in

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Tanaka-sensee-ga Yoshida-sensee-ni hon-o oage-ni narimashita. (P ro f. Tanaka gave a book to P ro f. Yoshida.)

However, when the two teachers are not equal but are in the re­ lation o f superior and inferior, it is difficult to choose the appropriate expression because the word “ sashiageru ” is not appropriate for someone you should respect. In such cases, one avoids using expressions related to favor. a s p e a k e r - o r ie n t e d fo r m o f e x p r e s s io n As can be seen from the explanations above, expressions o f giving and receiving like “ a g e ru ,” “ k u re ru ,” etc., are essentially speaker-oriented. When choosing one o f these, try to keep in mind that the form o f expression is decided from the viewpoint o f the speaker. (3 ) E x p r e s s i o n s o f d o in g a n d r e c e iv in g f a v o r s

The words used for giving and receiving concrete objects are added to the “ te ” form o f the verb to refer to doing and receiving favors. The use o f these words based on personal relations is the same as when they are used alone, d o in g a f a v o r f o r s o m e o n e

a) te-ageru “ A g e ru ” is used when doing something for persons equal in social status with oneself, as in Kore, m otte-a gem a sh oo. ( I ’ ll carry it for you — said to a

friend.) b) te-sashiageru “ Sashiageru” can be added to “ te” as in Kore, m otte-sashiagem ashoo.

but this is usually replaced by the more humble expression “ o m o c h i-s h im a s h o o .” (c f. p. 104)

c) te-yaru “ te-yaru ” is mainly used by men; women often choose “ te-

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a g eru ” even when referring to doing a favor for someone lower in

status. Kore, m otte-yaru-yo. ( I ’ll carry it for you — said by a man

to a friend) Kore, m otte-ageru-w a. ( I ’ ll carry it for you — said by a

woman to a friend or by a mother to her child) s o m e o n e e ls e d o in g a f a v o r

a) te-kudasaru “ te-kudasaru” is used to refer to a person higher in status doing a favor for the speaker. S hachoo-ga

oshiete-kudasaimashita.

(The director told

me.) Sensee-ga

sakubun-o

naoshite-kudasaimashita.

(M y

teacher corrected my composition for me.) b) te-kureru “ te-ku reru ” is used to refer to a person lower in status doing a favor for the speaker. T o m od a ch i-g a

sakubun-o

naoshite-kurem ashita.

(M y

friend corrected my composition for me.) O to o to -g a oshiete-kurem ashita. (M y younger brother told

me.) r e c e iv in g a f a v o r

a) te-itadaku When someone superior in status does one a favor, “ teita d aku” is used, as in Sensee-ni sakubun-o naoshite-itadakim ashita. (M y teacher

corrected my composition for me.) When one is receiving something, “ kara” and “ n i” are used to in­ dicate the giver as in “ sensee-ni ita d a k u ,” “ tom od achi-kara 130

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m o ra u .” W ith “ te-ita d aku” and “ te -m ora u , ” “ n i” is generally

used. b) te-m orau When someone equal in status does one a favor, “ te -m ora u ” is used, as in T o m o d a ch i-n i

sakubun-o

n a o s h ite -m o r a im a s h ita .

(M y

friend corrected my composition for me.) e x p r e s s io n s o f f a v o r u sed in r e q u e s ts

a) te-kudasaru , te-kureru When making a request, it is common to use “ te-kudasaim asen-ka” and “ te-kurem asen-ka” : C h o tto m a tte -k u d a s a im a s e n -k a . (Could you wait a little

while? — polite) C h o tto m a tte -k u r e m a s e n -k a . (Can you wait a little while?

— familiar) The affirmative forms, namely “ te-kudasaim asu-ka” and “ tekurem asu-ka,” are also used in requests; the affirmative sounds

more reserved and the negative more eager. In terms o f frequency, “ m asen-ka” is used more often. C h o tto m a tte -k u d a s a im a s u -k a .

(Could you wait a little

while?) C h o tto m a tte -k u r e m a s u -k a . (W ill you wait a little while?)

b) te-ita d aku , te-m ora u “ Ita d a k u ” and “ m o ra u ” are used in the negative potential form in requests: C h o tto o s h ie te -ita d a k e m a s e n -k a . (Could you help me? — lit. Could you teach me?) C h o tto o s h ie te -m o r a e m a s e n -k a . (Can you help me?)

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You should be careful in pronouncing the “ e ” sound before “ -roasen” here; i f it sounds like the sentence will not make sense. The affirmative forms “ te-itadakem asu-ka” and “ tem ora em a su -ka” can be used as well, but the negative forms are more usual. The difference between the two is similar to that be­ tween “ te-kudasaim asu-ka” and “ te-kudasaim asen-ka” explain­ ed above. The pattern “ te-itadaku/m orau” is also used in requests in the form o f “ te-itadakitai/m oraitai-n-desu-ga.” You can make a re­ quest polite by adding “ tai-n-desu-ga,” as in C h o tto o s h ie te -ita d a k ita i-n -d e s u -g a . (Could you help me?

— lit. I ’ d like to be taught but.) C h o tto o s h ie te -m o r a ita i-n -d e s u -g a . (less polite)

The “ g a ” here can be replaced by “ k e d o “ g a ” sounds more fo r­ mal. (c/. p. 117) c) “ o ” plus stem plus “ kudasaimasen/itadakemasen-ka ” The pattern “ o ” plus stem is used with “ kudasaim asen-ka” or “ itadakem asen-ka” in place o f the “ te ” form. S h o o s h o o o m a c h i-k u d a s a im a s e n -k a . (Could you wait for a

little while?) S h o o s h o o o m a c h i-ita d a k e m a s e n -k a . (Could you wait for a

little while?) Sometimes this is used with “ kudasaim asu-ka ” or “ itadakem asube used with “ kurem asert-ka ” or

k a ,” but it cannot ‘ ‘m ora em a sen -ka . ’ ’

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1.

C O N C E R N FO R O TH E R S

Polite Language and Human Relations

Needless to say, polite language is used to establish and maintain good human relations. One tries to always use the proper respect­ ful expressions, humble expressions, and reserved expresssions in one’ s contacts with other persons. But to maintain good personal relations, one should also express friendliness and a concern for others. When hearing about Japanese politeness, it may seem to foreigners that the Japanese are always guarding a careful distance from others. This is not the case. The Japanese language is rich in expressions o f friendliness and concern. In fact, the most impor­ tant factor in polite language is consideration toward others. W e will discuss how the Japanese express their friendliness and con­ cern in the following sections.

2.

The Expression o f Friendliness and Intimacy

(1 ) T h e u se o f p a r tic le s

Several sentence particles are used in conversation to express the speaker’ s feelings and attitude toward the listener, a) ne “ N e ” is used to show agreement; it is also used when one ex­ pects the listener to agree. H o n to -n i soo-desu-ne. (That’s certainly true, isn’ t it?)

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A: B:

li otenki-desu-ne. (Lovely day, isn’ t it?) Ee, soo-desu-ne. (Yes, isn’ t it?)

A:

K ore-d e juubun-deshoo-ne. (This is enough, don’ t you

B:

Saa, c h o tto tarinai-kam o shiremasen. (W ell, it may be

think?) a little insufficient.) In example 1, the speaker is agreeing with what the other person has said. In example 2, speaker A expects B to agree, and B does agree. Both o f them use “ n e.” In example 3, the speaker is trying to make sure that B agrees, but B disagrees. A s can be seen in the examples above, the particle “ n e” is used to show the speaker’ s concern with the listener’ s agreement. “ N e ” is used surprisingly frequently between two people who are on good terms with each other. Sometimes “ n e” is used at the end o f a phrase, as well as at the end o f a sentence, as in K inoo-n e, kaisha-e ittara-ne, Yamada-san-ga saki-ni kiteite-ne, w atashi-no k a o -o m iru -to-n e . . . (Yesterday, when

I went to the office, M r. Yamada was already there, and when he saw me . . .) Im a ch o tto -n e , isogashii-kara-ne, son o hen-de-ne shibaraku m a tte-te -k u re n a i ? (Right now I ’m sort o f busy,

so would you mind waiting for me a while there?) This repeated use o f “ n e” shows that the speaker is anxious to have the listener listen and agree; therefore this usage is primarily seen in familiar conversation. Adding “ ne” once at the end o f a sentence which ends politely, as in O sam uku narim ashita-ne. (It has become cold, hasn’ t it?)

is polite, but using “ n e” between phrases shows familiarity.

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“ N e ” can also be used with other sentence particles such “ y o ,” “ w a ,” “ n o” and “ k a .” K ore-d e juubun-desu-yone.

as

(This is enough, don’ t you

think?) Ara, kore, ii-wane. (Oh, this is nice, isn’t it?) K ore-d e ii-none. (This is all right, isn’ t it?) C h o tto m azui-n-ja nai-desu-kane. (Isn’t this a little bit

defective?) Since “ n e ” shows the speaker’ s concern toward the listener, it always comes after the other particle; you cannot reverse the order o f the particles in the last four examples, b) yo W hile “ n e ” indicates that the speaker feels the same way as the listener, “ y o ” shows that the speaker wants to emphasize his or her own judgment regardless o f how the listener feels. Thus, the two are completely different. The figures below show the difference. ne

yo

While saying “ n e” the speaker is emotionally going closer to the listener; while saying “ y o ,” the speaker is emotionally pulling the listener toward himself. When “ om os h iro i-d es u -n e ” is used, for instance, both the speaker and the listener are expected to feel interested; on the other

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hand, when speakers use “ o m osh iroi-d esu -y o9” they are trying to impress their own judgment on the listener, regardless o f how the listener may feel. Because o f this, " y o ” is used for maintaining good relations only when the speaker is trying to put the listener at ease, as in A: B:

D a ijo o b u -d es h oo -k a . (I wonder if it is all right.) D aijoobu-d esu -yo. ( I ’m sure it is all right.)

A: B:

D o o m o su m im a sen . ( I ’ m very sorry.) lie, kam aim asen-yo. (N o , no. D on ’t worry about it.)

In the examples above, “ y o ” is more considerate and appropriate then “ n e.” Sometimes “ y o ” and “ n e ” are used together as in K ore-d e juubun-desu-yone.

In this case, the speaker first emphasizes his or her own judgment, and then expresses an expectation o f the listener’s agreement, c) no The sentence particle “ n o ” is used in two different ways; one is to indicate a question as in 1. Kyoo-w a d o k o-e iku-no. (Where are you going today?) and the other is to explain a situation or to emphasize one’s opin­ ion, as in 2. Kyoo-w a massugu k a e ru -n o . ( I ’ m going straight home today.) In fact, the former (no. 1) is the abbreviation o f “ no-desu-ka ” and the latter that o f “ no-desu .” Both are used in familiar conver­ sation. The former usage can be observed among both men and women, but since it sounds rather soft and gentle, it is used more often by women. Men use it more often when speaking with women than

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when speaking with men. When speaking to children, both men and women use it with equal frequency. In other words, this “ n o ” shows a kind and considerate attitude towards a weaker person. On the other hand, the second usage o f “ n o,” as in no. 2, is almost entirely limited to women and children; men use it only when speaking to women and children. The two usages look exactly the same in writing, but are distinguished in speech by a rising or falling tone. no? Kore-kara d o k o-e iku / (question) Kyoo-w a massugu kaeru \ (e x p la n a tio n ) no.

d) ka The particle “ k a ” at the end o f a sentence forms a question, o f course. But sentences ending with “ ka” are not always meant to be questions. In conversation they are often used to show that the listener has understood what the other person has said. “ Soo-desuka” is perhaps most common, but other sentences are used in the same way. A:

Ich ijika n kakarimasu-yo. (It will take an hour [to get

there].) B:

Ichijikan-desu-ka. Ja, m o o dekakenakya. (One hour?

Then I have to leave now.) B will pronounce “ ka” with a rising tone when making sure and with a falling tone when showing understanding. Sometimes even a fairly long sentence is repeated: A: B:

Ich ijik a n kakarimasu-yo. Ich ijika n kakarimasu-ka. Ja, m o o dekakenakya.

Som etim es “ n-desu-ka” is used to sh o w that the speaker is c o n ­ sidering the fact.

A:

Ich ijika n kakarim asu-yo.

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Ich ijika n kakaru-n-desu-ka. la, m o o dekake-nakya.

In familiar conversation, plain forms are used: A: B:

Ich ijika n kakaru-yo. Ichijikan-ka. Ja, . . . Ich ijika n kakaru-ka. Ja, . . . Ich ijika n kakaru-no-ka. Ja, . . .

Women omit “ k a ” in familiar conversation: B:

Ichijikan. Ja, . . . Ich ijika n kakaru. Ja, . . . Ich ijika n kakaru-no. Ja, . . .

This question-like statement plays an important role in conversa­ tion. I f you listen closely, you will find that the Japanese make this type o f statement frequently. One foreigner noticed this once when speaking with a Japanese acquaintance and wondered if his pro­ nunciation were unclear, but this was not the case. The Japanese use this statement to show that they are listening attentively and have understood what was said; in a sense this is like aizuchi. Foreigners should not be annoyed or worried when their Japanese listeners do this. And i f they can go ahead and do the same thing themselves, they will be accepted more warmly by the Japanese, e) other sentence particles i) wa “ W a ” is used mainly by women to emphatically state a judg­ ment (cf. pp. 73-4) as in Sonna k o to arim asen-w a. (That’ s not true — polite) Sonna k o to nai-wa. (That’ s not true — familiar)

T o show the speaker’ s concern about the listener, “ n e” is added to “ w a” as in O m oshirokatta-desu-w ane. (It was interesting, wasn’t it?

— polite)

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O m osh iroka tta -w a n e. (It was interesting, wasn’ t it? —

familiar) K ore-d e daijoobu-desu-w ane. (This is all right, isn’ t it? —

polite) When the speaker wants to add emphasis, “ y o n e ” is added: K ore-d e d aijoobu-desu-w a-yone. (This is all right, don’ t

you think? — polite) K ore-d e d aijoobu-d a-w a-yone. (This is all right, don’t you

think? — familiar) Although women use “ w a” in both polite and familiar conversa­ tion, they use it more often in familiar conversation. Men sometimes use “ w a” for emphasis, but this is limited to older men, and is especially prevalent in the Kansai district, ii) na “ N a ” is usually used when talking to oneself as in Samui-na. D ekakeru-no, iya-da-na. (It’ s cold! I don’t want

to go out!) But when talking to younger people or to someone o f lower status “ na” is added to commands and instructions: li-na. O w attara sugu kaette-kuru-n-da-yo. (Come back as

soon as it’ s finished. Okay?) li-ka. W akatta-na. (Okay? Understand?)

Adding “ k a ” gives a more reserved tone: li-ka. W akatta-ka-na. (Okay? D o you understand?)

This usage o f “ na” is limited to men’ s familiar speech; women use “ w ane” in similar situations. li-wane. O w attara sugu kaette-kuru-no-yo. 139

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//? W a k a t t a - w a n e .

iii) ya “ Ya” is sometimes used for casual emphasis in familiar conver­ sation; it is used mainly by men. H u s b a n d : Nanika taberu m o n o n a il (Is there anything to

eat?) W if e : O m o ch i-g a aru-kedo. (W e have some rice cakes.) H u s b a n d : M o c h i? Un, sore-wa-ii-ya. (Rice cakes? G ood !)

iv) z e and z o In very familiar conversation, “ z e ” and “ z o ” are used in a similar way to “ y o “ z o ” is stronger and more aggressive than “ z e . ” W om en seldom use these even in very familiar speech. (2 )

T h e u se o f k in s h ip te rm s

The Japanese use kinship terms with non­ family members to show intimacy. This is especially common among young children. They usually address and refer to non­ family members and strangers with kinship terms alone or added to a personal name. Thus they will use “ ojisa n ” (uncle) and “ obasan ” (aunt) when referring to adults. u se b y c h ild r e n

O to n a ri-n o o jis a n -w a

Yam ada-to iim asu. (lit. The uncle

next door is M r. Yamada.) A n o o b a s a n -w a

/'/' hito-desu. (lit. That aunt is a nice

person.) Henna ojisan-ni hanashikakerareta. (A strange man spoke

to me.) Sometimes they add the name o f the person and “ -n o ” ; Kore-w a Yamada-san-no obasan-ni m ora tta -n o. (Mrs. Yam ada gave this to me — lit. I received it from Auntie at the Yamadas.)

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They use “ on iisa n ” (older brother) and “ oneesan ” (older sister) when addressing or referring to young people older than themselves. O to n a ri-n o o n e e s a n -g a daigaku-ni haitta. {/it. Older sister

next door has entered college.) to tte . (when asking a young man living in the neighborhood to catch a ball)

O n iis a n ,

u se b y a d u lts Sometimes adults adopt this usage o f kinship terms; they will at times address younger people they do not know as “ on iisa n ” or “ o n eesa n ” and elderly persons as “ o jiis a n ” (grandfather) or “ obaasan ” (grandmother), as in: A, o jiis a n , abunai-desu-yo. (H ey, watch out — lit. Oh,

grandfather, it’ s dangerous.) O b a a s a n , k o n o densha-desu-yo.

(Here comes your train —

lit. Grandmother, it’ s this train.)

However this is not regarded as very polite. People used to address restaurant employees with “ O n iisa n ! ” (W aiter!) and “ O n e e s a n !” (Waitress!). This is not popular now; “ S u m im a sen !” is used instead. (3 )

A n e m p h a s is o n b e i n g t o g e t h e r

W hile “ k o re ” (this) refers to something that is close to the speaker, and “ s o re ” to something close to the listener, “ a re” refers to something that is rather far from both the speaker and listener. Using “ a re ” presupposes that both the speaker and listener know or can see the object. Words starting with “ a ” — some others are “ a n o ,” “ a s o k o ,” and “ a ch ira ” — are all used in this way. Since “ a re ” presupposes that the speaker and the listener share a knowledge o f the subject matter, it is used more often among peo­ ple who belong to the same group. It is often used without any a re

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direct mention o f what it refers to among work colleagues or within the family. For example, C o l l e a g u e A : Are, d o o narim ashita-ka. (W hat happen­

ed to that?) C o l l e a g u e B: Aa, are-wa kaiketsu-shim ashita-yo . (Oh, that’s been settled.)

Or a father may say to his children Are, m o tte -k ite . (Bring me that.)

and the children will understand what he is referring to. In a sense such words as “ a re ,” “ a n o -h ito ” and “ a s o k o ” are used as a sign o f the speaker and the listener both having the same knowledge or experience. People like to feel that the other person has the same experiences and the same feelings. These “ a ” words are thus one indication o f intimacy. te -k u ru “ te-k u ru ,” (literally “ do something and come” ) is often used in daily life to emphasize the speaker’ s being together with the listener, “ te-kuru” is used to indicate (1) change up to the present, (2) coming after having done something, and (3) the speaker’ s wish to share an experience with the listener. 1. D andan sam uku natte-kim ashita-ne. (It has become colder these days.) 2. C h o tto otsukai-ni itte -k im a s u . ( I ’ m going out on an errand for a while.) 3. K in o o S hinjuku-de eega-o m ite-k im a sh ita . (I saw a movie in Shinjuku yesterday.) O f these three, 2 and 3 are used to emphasize being together, a) “ te-k u ru ” meaning “ do and come” “ K u ru ” is usually added to words meaning “ go away” like “ ik u ,” “ d eka keru ” (go out) and “ d eru ” (leave). For instance, when one goes to work or to study, he says to his family

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T H E E X P R E S S IO N O F F R IE N D LIN E SS A N D Itte -k im a s u .

IN T IM A C Y

(Bye — lit. I will go and come back.)

It is also usual to add “ k u ru ” when one leaves home for a while to go shopping or to do an errand, as in C h o tto sanpo-ni it t e - k im a s u . ( I ’m going out for a walk.) Sanjippun-bakari d e k a k e t e - k u r u . ( I ’m going out for about

30 minutes.) Isoide k a t t e - k im a s h o o . ( I ’ ll go and buy it in a hurry.)

And when one returns, one says It t e - k i m a s h i t a .

( I ’ m back — lit. I ’ve gone and come back.)

K a tte - k im a s h it a - y o .

(I bought it — lit. I ’ ve bought it and

come back.) This “ k u ru ” is most often observed between family members, and also at places o f work where people feel they belong to the same group. Depending on the job, employees may say either S h ok u ji-n i ikimasu.

( I ’ m going out for lunch.)

or S h oku ji-n i it te -k im a s u . ( I ’m going out for lunch.)

The difference depends on how close they feel towards their colleagues. b) “ te-k u ru ” indicating a desire to share an experience When telling someone about an experience, one says either K ono-aid a Fujisan-ni n o b o tte -k im a s h ita . (I climbed Mt. Fu­

ji the other day.) or K ono-aid a Fujisan-ni noborim a sh ita . (I climbed M t. Fuji

the other day.) In the second sentence, the speaker does not sound eager to talk

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about this experience. I f “ n ob o tte-k im a s h ita ” is used, the listener is signaled to be ready to listen and to say something like S ore-d e . . . (And then [what happened]?)

rather than simply saying S oo-desu-ka. (Is that right?)

Because “ te-kuru” has this effect on the listener, speakers sometimes make conscious use o f it. For instance, a lecturer will say to an audience Senjitsu C h uu goku-e itte-m airim ashita-ga . . .

(I went to

China the other day and . . .) ( “ M a irim a s h ita ” sounds more humble than “ k im a sh ita .” ) By us­ ing this pattern, the speaker can convey a sense o f eagerness to talk about this experience.

3.

The Expression o f Concern

(1 )

D a i l y e x p r e s s io n s

A n English-speaking person might express concern toward another by asking “ H o w are you?” or “ H ow are things going?” The Japanese also express their concern about others, but in somewhat different ways. o g e n k i-d & s u -k a “ O gen ki-desu-ka” (lit. A re you well?) may correspond to the English “ H ow are you?” as far as the ver­ bal meaning is concerned, but these two actually differ in usage. W hile “ H ow are you?” does not necessarily ask whether the other person is really healthy or not, “ O gen ki-desu-ka ” still has some o f this literal meaning. Therefore “ O genki-desu-ka” is used only when two people have not met for some time, and really do not know how the other has been. It is strange to say “ Ogenki-desuk a ” to persons you meet every day unless you have noticed some

T H E EX PR E SSIO N O F C O N C E R N

remarkable change in them. “ C o k ig e n ikaga-desu-ka” and “ Ikaga-desu-ka ” are used in the same way; however, these sound more formal. The following are also used to express one’ s concern when meeting someone whom one has not seen for some time. K on o-goro-w a doo-desu-ka. (H ow are you these days?) O sh igoto-w a doo-desu-ka. (H ow is your work going?) Keeki-w a doo-desu-ka. (H ow is your business going?)

T o express concern when “ O genki-desu-ka ” or its like are not appropriate, one uses completely different expressions. r e fe r r in g t o th e w e a th e r The Japanese often refer to the weather when they meet. Although they are not referring to each other’ s health directly, they are expressing their concern for the other because the weather is a mutual concern. Such reference to the weather always ends in “ (-d esu )-ne,” as in // oten ki-d esu -ne. (Lovely weather, isn’ t it?) lyana otenki-desu-ne. (Disagreeable weather, isn’t it?) Sam ui-d esu-ne. (It ’ s cold, isn’t it?) Suzushikute, tasukarim asu-ne. (It ’ s nice and cool, isn’ t it?

— lit. It is cool and helps us, doesn’ t it?) Yoku furim asu-ne. (It surely rains /snows a lot, doesn’ t it?)

A n d the other person usually repeats the same sentence or gives a slightly m odified version as in A: B:

// otenki-d esu-ne. Ee, h o n to -n i ii otenki-desu-ne.

It may seem to foreigners as if the Japanese don’ t like to directly show concern toward each other, but actually reference to the weather is an indirect expression o f concern.

145

PART

d o c h ir a - e ?

III

CONCERN

FOR OTHERS

Sometimes a neighbor will ask a question like

D o ch ira -e ? {lit. T o where?) D o ch ira -e od ekake-d esu-ka. {lit. Where are you going?)

These are not literal questions but expressions o f concern. The Japanese ask where others are going because they want to know whether they should be happy about their being healthy and wealthy enough to go out to have fun or whether they should be worried about their having to go out to attend to some business. A t any rate, the questioner is not really interested in the exact destina­ tion, so the answer to this type o f question is: Ee, c h o tto s o n o hen-m ade. (Yes, I ’ m just going down the

street a little way.) One does not have to tell exactly where one is going. This type o f exchange is common where people live in a small community and know each other personally. In big cities where people in a neighborhood do not have such personal relations, this type o f question is not often asked. “ O d ekake-d esu-ka” (A re you going out?) is also used in the same way. This seems to be more common then “ D o c h ira -e ,” which many now feel to be a little too intrusive. it t e -r a s s h a i “ Itte-rasshai” literally means “ Please go and come back.” This is said by a family member to another family member who is going out, and the person going out says Itte-kim asu. ( I ’ m going and coming back.) Itte-m airim asu.

( I ’ m going and coming back — more

form al) People in a family never say “ Sayonara ” (Good-bye) to each other. When parting temporarily they always refer to coming back to each other.

146

T H E EX PR E SSIO N

OF CO NCERN

This type o f exchange is also used by neighbors or colleagues when they feel they have a family-like relationship. Incidentally, “ k o n n ich iw a ” (hi; good day) and “ k onba nw a” (good evening) are also not used between family members. Sometimes foreigners staying with a Japanese family say “ K on ­ n ich iw a ” or “ S ayonara ” to them, and this can be the cause o f ill feelings. Actually one American reports that she was scolded by the grandfather o f the family when she said “ K on ban w a” to him. (However, “ oyasum i-nasai” and “ o h a y oo -g o za im a s u ” are used between family members.) When arriving home, one is greeted by O k a eri-n asai. (W elcom e home.)

One then says Tadaim a. ( I ’ m home — lit. Right now.)

And this exchange also occurs between colleagues and neighbors when they feel they enjoy family-like relations. r e f e r r i n g t o p r e v io u s m e e t in g s The Japanese also feel it is important to refer to previous meetings when meeting again. I f the other person treated you to something to drink or eat, you should say Senjitsu-wa gochisoosam a-deshita. (Thank you for the

nice treat the other day.) I f you just met without eating or drinking, or if you are the one who paid, you should say Senjitsu-wa shitsuree-jitajshim ashita. (lit. I was rude the

other day.) In less form al conversation you can just say Senjitsu-wa d o o m o .

147

P A R T III

or

C O N C E R N FOR OTHERS

Kono-aida-w a d o o m o . (familiar)

Sometimes foreigners do not do this because they think they thanked the other sufficiently at the time, but negligence o f this custom is regarded as rude by the Japanese. Even i f you already thanked your Japanese acquaintance appropriately at your previous meeting, you should be sure to express gratitude again at your next meeting. Behind this custom is the underlying idea that it is important for two persons to both share an experience and express an awareness o f sharing it. They want to feel that they have had good relations from some time before. d o o m y o r o s h ik u When two people are introduced to each other for the first time, they say H ajim em ashite. D o o z o yoroshiku. (Glad to meet you.) “ D o o z o yorosh iku ” literally means “ please treat me in a good way.” This serves to show the speaker’ s wish to maintain good relations with the other person. “ D o o z o yorosh iku ” is used when one asks others to do something, and they have agreed to do so; in this case it means “ please take good care o f the matter for m e.” In English one will say “ Thank you” in such cases, but in Japanese this phrase is add­ ed, as in

A: B:

Ja, s o o shim ashoo. ( I ’ ll do it.) A riga too-goza im a su . masu).

D oozo

yoroshiku

(onegai-shi-

‘ ‘O n egai-shim asu” is added to make it very polite. Sometimes “ d o o z o ” and “ yorosh ik u ” are reversed when asking

someone to take care o f some business: Yoroshiku d o o z o .

148

THE

E X PR E SSIO N O F C O N C E R N

(2 ) S e a s o n ’ s g re e t in g s

N e w Y e a r 's D a y New Year’ s Day is the most important day in Japan, as Christmas is in other countries. On this day, peo­ ple used to visit each other and exchange greetings, but nowadays it is more common to send New Year’s cards instead. On the cards they write their jo y at the coming o f the New Year and their hopes for the well-being o f the other throughout the year. The first three days o f January are official holidays; on those days and until the middle o f the month the Japanese exchange the following expressions whenever they meet: A k em a sh ite o m e d e to o -g o z a im a s u . (Happy New Year!)

and then K o to s h i-m o yoroshiku onegai-shim asu. (lit. Please be good

to me this year too.) T o be more polite, the following sentence is inserted between the two. Sakunen-juu-w a iro iro osewa-ni narim ashita . (Thank you

for your many kindnesses to me last year.) m id s u m m e r ca rd s Many Japanese also send cards during the hottest season o f the year, namely in July and August. Although this custom is not as general as sending New Y ear’ s cards, it is regarded as important to inquire after each other’ s health in the hot season. But there are no specific oral expressions used during this season. (3 ) C o m p li m e n t s

T o say nice things about others is another way o f showing con­ cern. The Japanese, however, refrain from personal compliments when they have to be polite. The types o f compliments used in polite situations are rather limited, and it is customary for the per­ son complimented to deny all compliments. 149

PART

III

CONCERN

FOR O THERS

Compliments on a person’s home are common, even in polite situations. A visitor will usually say something like c o m p lim e n t s o n s o m e o n e 's r e s id e n c e

li osum ai-desu-ne. (Y ou have a very nice house.)

And the host/ess will deny this lie . (N o , no.)

and often talk about weak points such as being located in an in­ convenient place or being in a noisy neighborhood. c o m p lim e n t s o n o n e 's f a m i l y Complimenting others on their children is very common; the younger the children, the easier it is to o ffer such compliments. Common expressions are li okosan-desu-ne. (Y ou have a very nice child.) Kaw aii okosan-desu-ne. (He/She is a lovely child.) K ashikosoona okosan-desu-ne. (He/She looks very clever.)

People do not freely compliment adult members o f a family, however, unless they are very old. In fact, it is the weaker members o f a family that can be complimented most safely. The response to such compliments is usually “ l ie , ” and a detail­ ing o f the weak points o f one’ s children as in Itazura-d e kom arim asu. (He/She does not behave very well — lit. He/She is very mischievous and troubles us.) c o m p lim e n t s o n p o s s e s s io n s It is not as common to com­ pliment others on their possessions; in polite situations people refrain from directly praising personal possessions. However, such remarks are exchanged among people who know each other well. W ork colleagues, for instance, will sometimes say such things as: li tokee-da -n e. (Y ou have a nice watch on.) li nekutai-da-ne. (Y ou have a nice tie on.)

150

T H E E X PR E SSIO N OF C O N C E R N

But it is good to show one’ s concern for the other’ s feelings in some other way. In the above cases, one should thank the lecturer or teacher by saying Taihen be n k y o o -n i narim ashita . (It was very instructive — lit. It became a great study for me.) O kagesam a-de yoku w akarim ashita. (Thank you for your good teaching — lit. Thanks to you, I understood very well.) li kaban-desu-ne. (That’s a very good purse/attache case,

etc.) c o m p lim e n t s o n c lo t h e s o r a p p e a r a n c e The Japanese do not usually refer to a person’ s personal appearance unless they know each other very well. Saying something like Kyoo-w a to te m o kiree-da-ne. (You look very attractive

today.) is limited to good friends. T o be polite, one will choose less direct expressions such as li doresu-desu-ne. (You have a nice dress on.) S o n o fuku oniai-desu-yo. (That outfit suits you very well.) c o m p lim e n t s o n a b ilit ie s It is not common for the Japanese to praise someone’ s abilities, except between good friends or to someone younger. It is particularly outside the bounds o f good manners to compliment superiors on their abilities. One should refrain from saying something like O jo o z u -d e s u -n e . (Y o u ’ re very good at it.)

or Yoku dekim ashita-ne. (You did very well.)

to someone o f higher age or status.

151

PART

III

CONCERN

FOR OTH ER S

c o m p lim e n t s a n d t h e e x p r e s s io n o f c o n c e rn W e have seen that the Japanese generally refrain from complimenting some­ one directly. It is, however, good to compliment someone indirect­ ly. For instance, it is not polite to say to a superior about a lecture *Joozu -n i shim ashita. (Y ou did it well.)

And it is also inappropriate for students to compliment teachers on their teaching technique as in *Sensee, jo o z u -n i o s h iem a sh ita . (You taught well.) (4 ) W i s h i n g w e ll

English is rich in expressions for wishing someone well. T o give a few examples, English-speaking people often say things like “ G ood luck,” “ Have a good tim e,” “ Have a nice weekend,” and “ Bon voyage.” Japanese have no such set expressions with the ex­ ception o f Yoi o to s h i-o (om ukae-kudasai). (I wish you a happy new

year; said toward the end o f the year) Some people, including radio and television announcers, use such expressions as Yoi

shuum atsu-o

(osugoshi-kudasai).

(Have

a

good

weekend.) but this is not common. When people part for the weekend, they simply say Ja, m a ta . (lit. See you again.)

T o someone going on a trip, the Japanese usually say “ Itte-rasshai” (lit. Please go and come back — cf. o frf-o t s u k e t e

p. 146) or “ O k i-o ts u k ete” (Please be careful) as an expression o f concern.

152

T H E E X PR E SSIO N O F C O N C E R N

o g e n k i-d e T o someone who is going to be away for a long time, they often say (D o o z o ) ogen ki-d e. {lit. Please be well.)

When a colleague departs after being transferred to a higher posi­ tion, people often cry out Banzai! (H urrah!)

just as they do when their team has won a game. o r a k u -n i For making a visitor feel at home, the host/ess will say D o o z o oraku-ni. (M ake yourself comfortable.)

And when urging that one go ahead and help oneself to food or drink, they will say D o o z o g o e n ry o naku. (Please don’ t be reserved.)

And when urging a guest to enjoy a hot bath, they will say D o o z o goy u k k u ri. (Please take your time.) w is h in g g o o d luck T o a person who is going to take an ex­ amination or start some difficult work, one often says C anbatte-kudasai. (Stick to it.) Shikkari yatte-ne. (T ry hard.)

There are no set equivalents for the English expressions “ Good luck” or “ Take it easy.” T o encourage a person in such a case, the Japanese say various things depending on the situation, as in D aijoobu-d esu -kara . ( I ’m sure you can do it well.) O oen -sh ite-ru -yo. (W e ’ ll be cheering you on.)

153

PART

III

CONCERN

FOR O TH ER S

(5 ) C on gratulation s and sym pathy omedetoo-gozaimasu “ O m e d e to o -g o z a im a s u ” is always used when congratulating someone. One often states the occasion and then adds “ o m e d e to o -g o z a im a s u ” as in O ta n jo o b i o m e d e to o (-g o z a im a s u ). (Happy birthday.) (C o )n y u u ga k u

o m e d e to o (-g o z a im a s u ).

(Congratulations

on entering college.) (C o )k e k k o n o m e d e to o (-g o z a im a s u ). (Congratulations on

your wedding.) Very

often

just

“ o m e d e to o ”

(familiar)

or

“ o m e d e to o -

g o z a im a s u ” (polite) is sufficient when the occasion is obvious.

T o be very form al one says K o n o tabi-wa m a koto-rti o m e d e to o -g o z a im a s u . {lit. Con­

gratulations on this occasion.) And the other person always answers A riga to o(-g oza im a su ).

and often adds M ina sa m a -n o okage-desu. (I should thank everybody — lit. It has become possible thanks to everybody’ s kindness.) taihen-desu-ne The most commonly used expression o f sympathy is “ taihen-desu-ne .” When you hear that the other per­ son has to work hard or go through some difficult situation, you will say Taihen-desu-ne. (That’s hard; That’s tough.)

Students will say this to their friends studying hard for an examina­ tion, and workers will say this to their colleagues who have to work overtime. The response made to this expression o f sympathy

154

T H E E X PR E SSIO N O F C O N C E R N

depends on the situation; people say things like C a n b a rim a s u . ( I ’ ll try hard.) D a ijo o b u -d es u -y o . (D on ’ t worry.) D o o m o . (Thanks.) z a n n e n -d e s h ita -n e On hearing that someone has had a business failure, done poorly on an exam, or lost some sort o f match, you should say Z a n n en-d eshita-n e. (That’ s too bad.)

When hearing about someone having lost belongings or money, you can say O sh ii k o to -o shim ashita-ne. (That was a pity — lit. You did

something regrettable.) g o s h in p a i-d e s u -n e T o show sympathy for someone who is worrying about a family member who is ill or the like, you should say G oshinpa i-d esu-ne. {lit. You must be worrying.)

When others are suffering from ill­ ness or some physical injury, or someone in their family is, you s o r e -w a ik e m a s e n -n e

should say Sore-wa ikem asen-ne. (That’ s too bad — lit. That won’t

d o.) and add D o o z o od a iji-n i. (Please take good care o f yourself; I hope he’ s better soon, etc.) c o n d o le n c e s

T o express sympathy to the bereaved, the

most common set expressions are

155

P A R T III

CONCERN

FOR OTHERS

G oshu ushoosam a-d esu. (M y deepest condolences.)

and K okoro-ka ra ok u y a m i-m oosh ia gem a su . (Let me express

my deepest condolences.) It is regarded as good to be rather quiet on sad occasions. Such ex­ pressions o f condolence should be said in a low, almost inaudible voice. One should also bow deeply. In fact, one sometimes bows so deeply while speaking that the second part o f the sentence cannot be heard clearly. Looking and speaking sadly is more important than sounding eloquent on such occasions. o f f e r i n g h e lp In case o f misfortune or bereavement, one should also, o f course, o ffer one’ s help. Expressions used in such cases are: Nanika

watashi-ni dekiru koto-ga

arimashitara,

doozo

(osshatte-kudasai). (Please tell me if there is anything I can do for you — “ osshatte-kudasai” is often left out.) Nanika

otetsudai-dek iru

k oto-ga

arimashitara,

doozo

g o e n ry o naku (osshatte-kudasai). ( I f there is anything I can

do to help you, please feel free to tell me.)

156

IN D E X a d d r e s s i n g s o m e o n e , 3 0 -3 1 , 8 2 -9 0 , a g e , in d e c i d i n g le v e l o f p o li t e n e s s ,

a g e r u , 7 8 , 7 9 , 1 2 5 -2 6 , 1 2 8 -3 0 aizu ch i, 1 7 -2 1 , 5 3 , 120 a k a c h a n /a k a n b o o , 78, 99 a m a r i , 2 3 , 1 1 3, 114 a n a ta , 90. S E E A L S O p ro n o u n s a n o - h i t o / k a t a , 9 0 , 142 a n n o , 3 0 , 1 0 7 , 108 a p o lo g iz in g ,

14,

3 7 -4 3 ,

4 9 -5 0 ,

5 3 -5 4

ste p s

in ,

15,

1 1 9 -2 1 ;

m odel

120 d a i l y e x p r e s s i o n s , 1 4 4 -4 8

d e k i m a s h i t a r a , 116 d e m o , 3 3 , 3 4 , 4 4 -4 5 , d e s h o o , 7 5 -7 6 , 115 d o c h i r a - e , 146 d o m o , 98 doomo: n e g a tiv e 2 8 -2 9 ,

1 4 1 -4 2

ee,

b a k a r i , 3 3 -3 4 b e n k y o o -n i n a rim a s h ita , SEE

4 6 , 151

n o n v e rb al

p o lit e n e s s

17, 1 8 , 19 1,

8 -9 e q u a l i t y , in l a n g u a g e , 2 , 7 8 -7 9 e x p l a n a t i o n s , 4 9 -5 2 1 1 -1 2 ,

3 8 -3 9 , 7 8 -7 9 fa m ily

in

5 2 , 153 3 , 2 8 , 5 5 , 148

fa m ily , id e n t ific a t io n w it h ,

b o w i n g , 5 3 -5 7 ch an ges,

e v a lu a t io n ,

e m p e r o r , a n d s p e c ia l l a n g u a g e ,

b l a m i n g o n e s e l f , 4 1 -4 3 la n g u a g e .

118

11 3, 1 1 4 ; t h a n k i n g , 8

d o o z o b . . ) , 2 7 -2 8 , d o o z o y o ro s h ik u ,

- a r e r u , 97 a r i g a t o o , 3 7 , 4 7 , 154 a s e t e - i t a d a k u , 14 , 1 0 5 -6

body

in g

e x a m p l e s , 1 7 -1 8 , 3 1 , 3 2 , 3 5 , 118,

4 -5 , 6

are,

c o n v e r s a tio n : c o n c e p t o f in J a p a ­ n e s e a n d E n g l i s h , 2 4 -2 5 ; f o l l o w ­

1 0 7 -1 0 , 1 4 0 -4 1

p o lit e

la n g u a g e ,

1 -2 ,

7 8 -8 0

term s,

fin is h in g

c h ild r e n , la n g u a g e u s e d t o w a r d , 7,

4 -5 ,

1 0 -1 1 ,

8 3 -8 5 ,

9 1 -9 2 , 9 9 , 1 4 0 -4 1 up

a n o th e r’s

sen te n ce ,

2 1 -2 5

7 2 , 7 7 -7 8 , 137 c h i l d r e n ’ s l a n g u a g e , 4 - 5 , 140-1

c h o tto :

c a l l i n g a t t e n t io n , 3 0 , 107;

n e g a tiv e

e v a lu a t io n ,

29,

45,

2 9 , 1 1 5 , 1 1 7 , 132 98

g e n d e r d i f f e r e n c e , in l a n g u a g e , 2 , 9 , 6 9 -7 2 , 7 2 -7 8 , 8 0 , 9 7 , 1 3 6 -4 0

1 1 3 -1 4

g i f t - g i v i n g , 4 3 , 5 4 -5 5

c o m p l a i n t s , i n d i r e c t , 3 6 -3 7 c o m p lim e n t s ,

1 1 -1 2 ,

43,

4 5 -4 7 ,

1 4 9 -5 2 co n cern ,

ga (b u t ), g a ta , 90,

e x p re s s in g ,

1 4 4 -4 6 ,

1 2 1 -3 2 8,

38,

147

1 5 2 -5 6 c o n d o l e n c e s , 5 5 , 1 5 5 -5 6 c o n g r a t u la t io n s ,

g iv in g , w o r d s m e a n in g ,

g o , 9 0 -9 3 g o c h is o o s a m a -d e s h ita ,

154

c o n v e n i e n c e , s t a t i n g , 4 4 -4 5 , 1 1 6 -1 8

g o k u r o o s a m a , 47 g o m e e w a k u -to w a g a , 110

o m o im a s u -

157

IN D E X

g o z a i m a s u / d e - g o z a i m a s u , 100 g o z o n ji-n o yo o -n i / g o z o n ji-to o m o i m a s u - g a , 51 g ra titu d e ,

e x p re s s in g ,

3 7 -4 0 ,

46,

1 2 3 -2 4

g u ra i,

3 3 -3 4

h a a , 19 h a i , 17, 18, 19 , 4 7 -4 8 h a jim e m a s h it e , 3, 55,

1 0 0, 148

h a n d i n g o v e r o b j e c t s , 5 4 , 5 7 -5 8 h e s it a n c y ,

3 0 -3 3 .

SEE

A LSO

reserve

hodo,

k in s h ip t e rm s . S E E

le v e l o f p o l i t e n e s s ,

m e e t in g s , 3 , 3 8 , 5 5 , 1 4 7 -4 8

3 3 -3 7 ,

46,

4 8 -4 9 ,

1 2 5 -2 6

7 0 -7 2 ,

7 2 -7 8 ,

19 , 2 0 , 2 4 , 2 9 ,

i n t r o d u c i n g o n e s e l f , 3 , 1 00

Ir a s s h a im a s e /lra s s h a i, 8 i r a s s h a r u , 1 2 -1 3 , 9 3 -9 4 , 100 ita d a k u , 1 2 7 -2 8 . SEE A LSO a s e te - ita d a k u ; te -ita d a k e m a s e n -k a ; te -ita d a k u it a s u , 1 0 1 , 104 I t t e - k i m a s u , 1 4 3 , 146 I t t e - r a s s h a i , 1 4 6 , 152 119

k a , 1 3 5 , 1 3 7 -3 8 , 139 k a m o s h ire m a s e n ,

a iz u c h i ,

com m on:

18,

2 1 ; g i v i n g a n d r e c e i v i n g , 1 2 1 -2 2 , 127; g r a m m a t ic a l,

(t o n e ),

3 1 , 7 7 , 1 1 1 -1 2 , 137

jits u -w a ,

2,

m i d s u m m e r c a r d s , 149 m is t a k e s ,

in t o n a t io n

d e c id ­

8 0 , 12 6, 13 9, 140

h u m i l i t y , e x p r e s s i n g , 9 7 -1 0 6 in d ir e c t n e s s ,

fa c to rs

i n g , 3 -1 4

m e n ’ s la n g u a g e ,

3 3 -3 4

fa m ily term s

K o n b a n w a , 8 , 147 K o n n i c h i w a , 8 , 5 3 , 147 k u d a s a r u , 1 2 6 -2 8 . S E E A L S O t e k u d a s a r u , etc. k u r e r u , 1 2 3 , 1 2 6 -2 8 . S E E A L S O t e - k u r e r u , e tc . k u r u , 1 4 2 -4 4

e t in g s ,

147;

57;

ta k in g

not

n u n c ia tio n ,

63,

127; g r e ­

n o n v e r b a l, b la m e ,

1 3 1 -3 2 ;

5 4 -5 5 ,

42;

s a y in g

p ro ­ too

m u c h , 2 7 , 4 9 ; te rm s o f resp ec t, 8 2 ; t h a n k i n g , 148 m o n e y , a t t i t u d e t o w a r d , 58

m o o s h i a g e r u , 104 m o o s h iw a k e a rim a s e n (-g a ),

54,

1 0 0, 109

m o r a u , 1 2 7 -2 8 . S E E A L S O t e m o r a u , e tc . m o s h ik a -s u ru - to / m o s h ik a -s h it a r a , 114 m o s h i m o s h i ; a d d r e s s in g s o m e ­ o n e , 3 0 , 108; o n th e t e le p h o n e , 3,

23,

33,

65,

21

1 1 4 , 115

k a n a , 7 6 , 115 k a n o j o , 90 k a r a (b e c a u s e ), 2 6 , 2 9 , k a r a ( f r o m ) , 1 3 0-3 1 k a r e , 90 k a s h i r a , 7 6 , 115 k a t t e - d e s u - g a , 117 k e d o / k e r e d o , 26-21 , 1 1 7 ,1 3 2

158

n - d e s u ( - k a ) , 6 5 -6 8 , 7 4 -7 5 , 1 3 7 -3 8 n -ja n a i - d e s h o o - k a , 1 1 4 -1 5 n ih a n a i-k a -to o m o im a s u -k e d o ,

4 9 -5 0

1 1 4 -1 5 n a , 7 6 , 139

n a d o / n a n k a , 3 4 -3 5 n a r u h o d o , 17, 19 29,

11 5,

ne,

62,

7 3 -7 5 ,

1 3 8 -3 9 , 145

1 1 1 -1 2 ,

1 3 3 -3 6 ,

IND EX

n e g a t i v e , i m p l i e d , 2 3 , 2 8 -2 9 , 113

p l a i n f o r m s , 5 9 -6 8

n e w y e a r ’ s c a r d s , 149

p l u r a l ( p e o p l e ) , 9 0 , 98

n e w y e a r ’ s g r e e t i n g s , 1 4 9 , 152

p r a i s e , 1 1 -1 2 , 4 3 , 4 5 -4 7 , 1 4 9 -5 2

m , 1 2 7 -2 8 , 130-31

p r o n o u n s : I , 1 -2 ; I , y o u , 8 0 ; I , w e ,

no,

9 8 ; y o u , h e , s h e , 8 9 -9 0 ; o m i s s i o n

1 3 5 , 1 3 6 -3 7

node,

o f , 3 1 , 8 4 , 127

26, 29

n o n v e rb al

aizu ch i,

p u b l i c s p e e c h , 4 , 97

2 1 , 53

n o n v e r b a l p o l i t e n e s s , 1 4 -1 5 , 5 2 -5 8 ,

q u a r r e lin g , a n d s h ift s in p o lit e n e s s , 14

156 n u m b e r s , b e i n g i n d i r e c t , 3 3 -3 4

q u e s t i o n - l i k e s t a t e m e n t s , 138 q u o t a t i o n , i n d i r e c t , 6 4 -6 5

‘ o ’ , 2 , 6 9 -7 2 , 7 6 , 8 0 , 8 3 , 8 9 -9 3 ‘o ’ -I- s t e m ‘o ’

+

k a ’, o ’

+

o ’

+

-t- ‘ c / e s u ’ , 9 5 -9 6

ste m

‘ ita d a k e m a se n -

+

132

+

ste m ste m

‘k u d a s a i ’

,

96

‘k u d a s a i m a s e n

+

k a ’ , 132

o ’

+

s te m

+

'n i

o ’

+

ste m

+

‘s u r u ’ ,

n a ru ’

,

9 5 -9 6

1 0 4 -5 , 129

o f f e r i n g f o o d , e t c ., 2 8 , 5 2 , 5 4

ra s h ii-d e s u ,

65

r e c e i v i n g , w o r d s m e a n i n g , 1 2 1 -3 2 req u ests,

2 7 -8 ,

3 1 -3 3 ,

3 5 -3 6 ,

50,

5 4 , 7 5 , 1 0 5 -6 , 1 0 8 -1 1 , 1 3 1 -3 2 - r e r u , 97 r e s e r v e , 2 7 , 3 0 -3 3 , 4 3 -4 5 , 1 0 6 -2 1 r e s p e c t , e x p r e s s i n g , 8 0 -9 7

rik u ts u

( m e r e l o g i c ) , 5 0 -5 1

o f f e r i n g h e l p , 156

o g e n k i - d e s u - k a , 1 4 4 -4 5 O h a y o o - g o z a i m a s u , 5 3 , 147 o i s o g a s h i i t o k o r o - o , 3 1 , 109 o j a m a - s h i m a s h i t a , 3 7 -3 8 o k a e r i - n a s a i , 147 o k a g e s a m a - d e , 4 0 , 4 3 , 151 o k y a k u s a n , 3 1 , 89 o m e d e t o o - g o z a i m a s u , 1 4 9 , 154 o n e g a i - s h i m a s u , 1 0 5 , 1 0 7 , 108, 148 o p i n i o n s , s t a t i n g , 3 3 , 6 5 , 1 1 1 -1 6 o ru ,

1 2 -1 3 , 9 9 -1 0 0 , 101

o s a k i - n i , 28 o sa s h its u k a e n a k a tta r a , o s e w a - n i n a r u , 3 8 -4 0 , 4 6 , o s o r e i r i m a s u - g a , 109 o t e s u u - o k a k e r u , 3 1 ,1 1 0 O y a s u m i - n a s a i , 147 p a rt ic le s ,

sen te n ce ,

1 3 3 -4 0 . S E E A L S O p a r t i n g s , 1 5 2 -5 3

62, ne

sa , 6 2 s a a , 1 1 2 -1 3 s a n /s a m a /c h a n ,

1 0 -1 3 ,

8 2 -8 6 ,

89, 92, 99

s a s h i a g e r u , 1 2 5 -2 6 , 1 2 8 -2 9 s a s h i t s u k a e n a k a t t a r a , 116 s a s s o k u - d e s u - g a , 1 1 8 -1 9 s a y i n g in o n e b r e a t h , a s i m p o l i t e , 2 7 , 3 1 , 3 2 -3 3 , 1 0 6 , 1 2 0 -2 1

s a y o n a r a , 1 4 6 -4 7 s e n j i t s u - w a . . . , 3 8 , 1 4 7 -4 8 s e n p a i - k o o h a i r e la t io n s , 5 s e n s e e , 8 6 -8 7 , 9 0

116 149

s e te -ita d a k u , s h a c h o o , 12 ,

1 4 , 1 0 5 -6 3 1 , 8 7 -8 8 , 9 0

s h a re d e x p e rie n c e , im p o rt a n c e o f , 36,

38,

5 0 -5 1 ,

1 4 1 -4 2 ,

1 4 3 -4 4 ,

1 4 7 -4 8

7 3 -7 6 ,

s h i ( a n d ) , 2 9 -3 0 s h its u re e - s h im a s u /s h im a s h ita , 14, 105

shooshoo,

1 1 3 -1 4

159

IN D E X

s o c ia l 6 -9 .

sta tu s, SEE

la n g u a g e

use,

te -y a ru ,

s u p e rio rs ,

la n ­

t e l e p h o n e c o n v e r s a t i o n , 3 -4 ,

and

A LSO

g u a g e use t o w a r d

21, 27,

d e s h o o - n e , 19 s o o - d e s u ( I h e a r d ) , 65 s o o - d e s u ( T h a t ’ s r i g h t ) , 4 7 -4 8 s o o - d e s u - k a , 1 9 , 137 s o o - d e s u - n e / n e e , 17 , 3 3 , 1 1 1 -1 2 soo

s p e a k e r - l i s t e n e r d i s t a n c e , 57 s t a r t i n g d i s c u s s i o n s , 1 1 8 -1 9 s u g g e s t i o n s , 2 6 , 3 4 -3 5

s u k o s h i , 1 1 3 -1 4 s u m i m a s e n : in 41,

49,

54;

1 2 9 -3 0 104

’

' 13>

t h a n k i n g , 3 7 -4 0 , 4 6 , 1 2 3 -2 4

a r ig a t a i - n - d e s u - g a , 117 o m o i m a s u , 2 3 -2 4 , 6 5 , t o t a s u k a r i m a s u - g a , 117 t o y u u h a n a s h i - d e s u , 65 t o y u u k o t o - d e s u , 65 . . . t o k o r o - o , 109 ts u m a ra n a i m ono -d esu -g a to

to

5 4 -5 5 , 1 26 a p o lo g y , c a llin g

14 ,

’

3’

37,

a t t e n t io n ,

un,

19

1 0 7 -8 , 141

s u m im a s e n -g a , s u p e rio rs ,

3 1 , 5 4 , 1 0 8 -9

la n g u a g e

u se

verb s,

to w a rd ,

4 5 -4 8 , 1 2 5 -2 6 , 1 2 8 -2 9 , 1 5 1 -5 2 s y m p a t h y , e x p r e s s i n g , 1 5 4 -5 6

s p e c ia l :

f o r r e s p e c t , 9 3 -9 7

w a , 7 3 -7 4 ,

6 9 -7 2 ,

9 0 -9 3 .

fa m ily term s

13 5, 1 3 8 -3 9

w e a t h e r , c o m m e n t i n g o n , 2 2 , 145 w o m e n ’s 7 0 -7 2 , 1 1 0,

la n g u a g e , 7 2 -7 8 ,

2,

7 9 -8 0 ,

37,

68,

1 3 6 -3 7 ,

1 3 8 -3 9 w o rk p la c e , a n d la n g u a g e u se , 5, 6, 1 2 -1 3 , 4 0 , 9 8 , 14 2, 143

1 1 0,

1 3 1 -3 2

t e - k u d a s a r u , 1 2 1 -2 4 , 1 3 0 -3 2 t e - k u r e m a s e n - k a , 1 1 1 , 1 3 1 -3 2 t e - k u r e n a i , 7 5 , 111 t e - k u r e r u , 1 2 1 -2 4 , 1 3 0 -3 2 t e - k u r u , 1 4 2 -4 4 t e - m o r a e m a s e n - k a , 1 1 1 , 1 3 1 -3 2 t e - m o r a e n a i . 111 t e - m o r a u , 1 2 1 -2 4 , 1 3 1 -3 2 t e - s a s h ia g e r u , 129

160

p o lit e ,

SEE A LS O

1 3 1 -3 2

t e - i t a d a k u , 1 2 1 -2 4 , 1 3 0 -3 2 t e - k u d a s a i , 7 5 , 110 te -k u d a s a im a s e n -k a , 75,

h u m ilit y ,

v e r b p a t t e r n s : f o r h u m i l i t y , 1 0 4 -5 ; v o c a b u la r y ,

t a c h i , 9 0 , 98 T a d a i m a , 147 t a m e - n i n a r i m a s h i t a , 46 t a r a - t o o m o i m a s u - g a , 117 t a r i, 30 t e - a g e r u , 1 2 9 -3 0 t e ( d e h i r a s s h a r u , 9 3 -9 4 , 100 te -ita d a k e m a s e n -k a , 75,

fo r

9 9 -1 0 3 ; f o r r e s p e c t , 9 4 -9 5

y a , 140 y a ru , 78,

1 2 5 -2 6 , 1 2 9 -3 0

y o , 6 2 , 7 3 -7 5 , 1 3 5 -3 6 , 1 39

y o k a t t a r a , 116 y o o - d e s u , 65 y o o n a k i- g a s h i m a s u , 2 3 -2 4 , y o o - n i - o m o w a r e m a s u , 116 y o r o s h i k a t t a r a , 116 z e , 6 2 , 140 z o , 6 2 , 140

116