Handwriting: Let the Power of Your Pen Change Your Life

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Acknowledgements My very special thanks gratitude goes to the most dedicated and persistent editor, Lorraine Yaralian, who generously shared her editorial comments, held my hand, and inspired me to complete this work. This book would never have been published without her encouragement and friendship. To my mastermind “sisters” Cathy, Jayne, Margaret and Pauline, many thanks for your unbounded kindness, patience and direction. To all my friends at Toastmasters and National Speakers Association, who shared their feedback about my story and other stories in the book. My gratitude goes to my collogues and friends who contributed to this project and especially to Dr. Orna Yogev, Becky and Steve Zalsman, Denise Lalonde and Sean Carroll for their wise advice. To my son, Ron, I wish to express my deepest appreciation for his generous spirit, creative solutions and technical guidance. This book is dedicated to all my clients and to the fathers, sons and daughters who are mentioned in the book and to all the fathers, daughters and sons who will be inspired (by at least one of the stories), to transform their relationships and have a better love connection.

Introduction

Graphology, the Common Sense of It Graphology is the scientific study of handwriting as a projection of personality traits. Scientific studies conducted by scholars such as Dr. Herry Teltcher,* Monro, Wolfson and many qualified researchers have concluded that handwriting is a projection of personality traits; it is quantified by decades of meticulous examinations of handwriting. Sargur Srihari, a computer scientist and director of the Center of Excellence in Document Analysis and Recognition at the University of Buffalo, conducted computer Tests proving that handwriting is scientifically valid**. The size, shape, spacing, slant, and even the pressure we use when putting pen to paper, can give valuable insights into our behavior and personalities. Psychologists, employment agencies and even the FBI have been using this valuable diagnostic tool. Handwriting is a mirror of the mind. Just like an electrocardiogram reveals the “waves” of our heart, handwriting reveals the “waves" of our mind. In general, those who are confident tend to write larger than those who are insecure. People who are outgoing and extroverted generally will slant their writing to the right and those who are introverted tend to slant to the left. * Author of: Handwriting - Revelation of Self, Hawthorn Books, Inc. New York 1971), cites several validation studies by scholars in Europe and in the US. ** ABCNEWS.com: Handwriting Analysis Is Legitimate, By Lee Dye

Spacing is also significant. Introverts tend to write with lots of wide spaces between words, while “people who need people” tend to keep their words closer together. Even the amount of pressure used when putting pen to paper is rich with meaning. A heavy hand indicates vitality, while a lighter touch denotes sensitivity and/or resilience. Graphology is a complex science. No one indicator is enough to provide a professional evaluation. In order to provide a professional evaluation, we need to consider a cluster of indicators such as: shape, space, size, pressure as well as the overall picture. According to Freud, we exhibit only 10% of ourselves to others; the other 90% is hidden, not only from others, but also very often from ourselves. After more than 25 years of research and analyses of thousands of handwriting samples, I discovered that many of us have blind spots about ourselves and misconceptions about others - especially about our fathers. What I have learned from years of working with clients is that to many of us our father is a big question mark; perhaps because men in general are not encouraged to express emotions. So how do we unlock this enigma? One sure fire way to gain a deeper understanding of your father personality is through an objective diagnostic tool: graphology. This self-discovery tool can expedite personal growth and identify blind spots. I believe that your handwriting tells it as it is. It provides common sense, usable information, reveals your emotional traps and changes your perspective. In fact graphology can even change your life, as it did mine. The first section of “Handwriting - Let the power of the pen” is about real case studies. The stories in this section show how graphology helped identify misconception, changed perspective and ultimately opened doors for more clarity and authenticity. For example: Steve (Chapter 8) was angry at his father for 40 years. He had 5 different therapists as he was trying more clarity about his intimate relationships. I asked him “Why so five therapists?” He said: “As soon as the topic of my feelings towards my father came up, I dropped that therapist and looked for the next one.” After Steve and I worked on his father’s handwriting, he was able to see his dad in a new light and as a result, I received a letter from Steve that expressed his gratitude: “Ruth, you were right and I was wrong. Thanks to your analysis I am now able to fit together

pieces that never fit before. Thanks to you I was able to let go of forty years of anger and to give the memory of my father the love and respect he deserves.” The second section of “Handwriting – let the power of your pen” explores the relationships of celebrities and their off spring through their handwriting. You will discover secrets about Sigmund and his daughter Anna Freud, Henry and Jane Fonda and Pat Conroy and his father. You will find that behind their “i” dots and “t” bars they have no immunity against relationships traps. They trip and stumble and lose their way; but they also fight back and meet challenges, just like the rest of us. *All the names in this book have been changed to protect the clients ‘privacy.

Table of Content Chapter # & Title Front cover

Page #



Acknowledgements



Introduction





CHART











Title page and publisher Isbn and copyright

1.

1. My story: Change was just a pen stroke away





11

2.

2. A Gift in Disguise (The Missing Father)

16



3.

3. Why am attracted to “Emotional Toddlers”?

22



4.

4. The Alcoholic Father

29



5.

5. Why father and daughter can’t be “friends”?

33



6.

6. The Demanding Father

37



7.

7. The Absent Father

8.

8. Reframing Limiting Beliefs (The Narcissist)

45



9.

9. Tale of two Fathers

51







10. Henry Fonda: The Uninvolved Father

55



11.Sigmund Freud: The Overbearing Father

59



12. The Abusive Father: Why is Tom Hiding?

62



13.The Competitive Father: Pat and Donald Conroy

67









Epilogue

71



List of Insider’s Tips

a



List of Inserts (handwriting and drawings)

b



Promo page

c



About the author

79



Back cover

80



10. Celebrities

41





CHART ILLUSTRATING GRAPHOLOGY

Disclaimer

Nothing is foolproof. This includes personality and psychological tests. Graphology is a very complex science. It involves scores of indicators and various combinations of them. You must avoid judgments based on a single indicator. The rule of thumb is never rely on a single indicator; always look for a cluster of indicators which point to the same specific personality trait. For example, handwriting slanting to the right does not always mean that the writer is outgoing. Other indicators are necessary; such as legibility, right-word movement, rounded forms, etc., -- all of which would serve as confirmation of the trait. Contradictions between indicators usually reflect inner conflict or ambivalence.





Chapter One My story: change was just a pen stroke away My father was a “shadowy” figure in the background of my life: an enigma, a mystery, a stranger. He was born on a different continent, lost his dad when he was only 13 years old.

Insert # 2 My Father, Aaron He did not speak my language and as a result we hardly communicated. On the positive side, he was a perfectionist, a man of integrity, loyal to his wife, and he worked endless hours to provide for his family. Although he was physically present, emotionally he was remote and unavailable, so I barely knew him. I only remember his silent indifference and my deep sense of longing to connect with him. One year after my father died, I married a stranger just like him. My husband was also born on a different continent. He lost his father when he was 13, was a man of few words, and emotionally unavailable. He, too, was a

workaholic yet very loyal to his family. Could so many similarities between the two most important men in my life be a coincidence? Insider’s Tip #1: The perfectionist A perfectionist has a very deliberate and perfectly executed script which looks like the school model writing. The “i” dots and “t” bars are perfectly placed. Behind this type of façade/mask we find an individual who likes to be in control, needs predictability and sees reality in black & white. She/he is cautious and plays it safe. S/he likes to have the last word and is always "right." If something goes wrong, it is "your fault.”

I would stay home all day with the kids, and in the evening when he came home all he wanted to do was watch his Nazi movies. My husband loved to watch movies about Americans killing Nazis, and I was “allowed” to speak with him only during commercial breaks. I wondered: Why is he ignoring me? Why are these Nazis more important than me? What is wrong with me? I decided to change. I lost weight, stopped smoking, and got M.A. degree. But my husband did not change. Years later, with my marriage falling apart, I was at a crossroads. It was too painful to stay and too scary to leave. I was stuck. I needed to make very difficult decisions concerning the future of my family. One day I confided my pain to my friend Tom. He asked, “Have you tried graphology?” “What is that?” I asked. “You can have your husband’s handwriting evaluated,” he explained. “It would help you to better understand your husband and improve your relationship. I have used it to help understand myself and

significant people in my life. I know he is going to help you. ” I trusted Tom’s judgment and he took me to his graphologist’s office. His name was Ben. He looked like Sigmund Freud. Ben lifted my husband’s letter, adjusted his glasses, picked up a magnifying glass and examined my husband’s handwriting for a long time. When he finished, he told us what he found. His analysis was spot-on, as if he had known my husband intimately for years. “This man faced death more than once,” he said. “He started his life over more than once.”

I was stunned. How did he know? Ben could not have known my husband was a Holocaust survivor; that the Nazi’s murdered his mother, father, and 9-year-old sister. He went through hell and started with nothing in America. “What else did you see in the handwriting?” I asked. “Your husband’s handwriting is called ‘persona handwriting’” he replied. “It looks like it was done by a machine, not by a human. Such perfection, in many cases, indicates extreme defenses. It shows that the person came from chaos and needs total control of his world to make sure it never happens again.” And then the graphologist said words that changed my life and my perspective: “Your husband loves you but because of his traumatic past he resists change. You will have to give in. He cannot change.” At first I was shocked, but then I had to face the new reality. This revelation led to a new awareness. I now had more compassion towards my husband and the baggage he carried. But something else happened as a result of this handwriting analysis. I found my true calling. I decided to end my twenty-year teaching career and devote my life to studying and practicing graphology to help others face their blind spots that maybe hampering their lives. After I received my certification as a graphologist, I was eager to apply what I’d learned to my father– that elusive figure that had been silently looming large in my life. Alas, all I had were two signatures, which, unfortunately, were not enough data to conduct a professional analysis. Would my father remain a mystery forever? One day, I received a letter from my brother and in it my father's picture with a few lines of his handwriting on the back. Now I could finally get a glimpse of his inner life. I was elated. I looked at my dad's handwriting, and what a surprise! For years I believed that my father was a weak man, capitulating to my mother’s “demands”, but his handwriting revealed he had strong opinions, yet knew how to avoid conflict. On the other hand, he was detached and was set in his ways. His world was very narrow and constricted. I finally understood that as a father he could not give me the love, affection and recognition I needed as a child, because he could not give me what he didn’t have. I was still left with a lot of questions, the most important of which was: Did he love me? During my father’s last days I sat by his bed almost every day. I had many questions but he was too weak to talk. And alas, I wasn’t there to say the last good bye to him. Right after the funeral, my mom told me that before his death he asked for me. He wanted to know if I had a serious boyfriend; he wanted to make sure that after he was gone, there would be someone else taking care of his ‘little girl." Isn’t it ironic? All my life I wanted my father to pay attention to me, to care about me -- and he did. But I did not see it. On his deathbed, my father was not thinking about his pain, he was thinking of me. My father was silent but not indifferent. The insights I gained from graphology helped me to forgive my father, discover my own blind spots. I was now ready for a healthier relationship and a new beginning. Are you ready to face your blind spots?

Insert # 3 The bike

Chapter 2 The Missing Father (A Gift in Disguise) Do you judge your dad too harshly? How do you reframe misconception? Mary had no luck with men! She was thirty four, petite and beautiful. She had a PhD in engineering from an Ivy League college and had a very successful business, but no luck with men! She consistently dated guys who mistreated her and then left. She wanted to change her dating patterns and try a new approach. At the time I met Mary she had just separated from her last boyfriend and was ready to give up on the male species. As I analyzed her handwriting I observed that the father figure was missing from the picture. The father figure is usually delineated by a very specific stroke (usually seen in the personal pronoun “I”) and it was this vital stroke which was missing. I asked her about her relationship with her father. “Why are you asking?” she responded defensively. I said, “You know that there is a connection between how you perceive your dad and how you relate to the men in your life. Do you want to change the way you relate to men?” The next day she brought a sample of her dad’s handwriting. His script revealed that he was not the inadequate father she had described; but Mary stuck to her view. She insisted, “He did not care about me and was basically a bad father.” I persisted, “Do you recall any positive childhood memories of your dad?” "I can't think of any memories" she said. “How about drawing a picture of you and your dad,” I suggested. She reluctantly agreed*. “This is an unusual drawing…What's behind the story?” I asked. (See drawing above) “When I was a little girl, I saw a red bike in the toy store. I wanted it very much but my dad said he couldn’t afford it. Then, on my seventh birthday my father had a wonderful surprise for me—he bought me a red bicycle. I was so happy! We went outside. It was a beautiful spring day and my father taught me how to ride the bicycle. He was pushing the bike from behind with me on it. He was the "balancing" force behind me and I felt secure. But after about half an hour he said: "OK, now you are ready to make it on your own" and he left. “He left me to struggle and find my balance. I felt lonely and scared. I fell over and over again, but I kept getting back on the bike. I was completely bruised and I had black-and-blue marks all over my body. I was also bleeding...but I finally learned how to keep my balance.” Insider’s Tip #2 About Drawing When a client finds it difficult to express feelings or refuses to submit handwriting we sometimes suggest that he or she draw an image to reflect how they feel. We then apply the principles of graphology to the drawings. We found that in many cases that the drawing is consistent with the handwriting by the same individual. Handwriting is brain-writing, since both drawing and writing originate from the brain, you can apply the same principles of form, placement and movement we apply to analyze handwriting. However, because drawing is a symbolic language it is not easy to pin down a definite interpretation. Some drawings can be quite obvious; they may have a universal meaning. In chapter 9 for example, the two fathers in two separate houses represent the fact that they could not co-exist in the same house, probably a reflection of her ambivalence towards them. Form is a symbolic

representation of ego. For example, in the drawing above there are no facials features which might suggest a need for privacy, or an identity issue, etc. the large spacing between them suggests that they are not connected.

“I was angry at my father for a long time. In fact I’m still angry! Two months after my seventh birthday my parents split up, my dad moved out and my parents divorced. After that I had only saw him a few times before his death. He wanted to see me but my mom would not allow it.” I said to Mary: “I am puzzled. There is a gap between your amazing drive, and what you are telling me about your dad. You must have had a positive male role model somewhere in order to compete in a male dominated industry.” Suddenly I had an amazing revelation. I said to Mary: “I believe that your father really loved you. He listened to you and gave you what you wanted even though he could not afford it. He also gave you a gift in disguise: his gift was a powerful lesson. You can make it on your own. Even if you fall down you can pick yourself up and keep trying until you succeed!!!” He believed that you can weather any storm. What an amazing gift!!” “Maybe you are right. I just remembered that when my father got cancer and only had 6 months to live, he remembered that I love to bike ride and reminded me to bring my bike (not the red bike I rode when she was seven…) when I went to visit him. I said: “here is your dad suffering from cancer yet he is not thinking about himself but of you and your bike”. Mary started crying and she couldn't stop. There ensued a long silence – you could almost hear the shift in her consciousness. What was her blind spot? She was unable to see the positive side of her dad’s actions. Going back to the bike scene opened a window for a new perspective and enabled her to see her father through new eyes. She said, “You are right! Maybe it is only my misconception of what happened. Perhaps that was making me miserable. It could be that I will feel better about him if I attempt to replace it with your interpretation.” Shortly after our session, Mary decided to move to the west coast. A year later I received a surprise phone call from Mary. She said, “I finally met the love of my life. We are getting married and you are invited to the wedding. All expenses paid.” As we were finishing the phone call I remembered something I had forgotten to ask her: “How did you meet your husband?” She replied, “I went on a mountain biking trip and there was this cute guy with big blue eyes riding right next to me. I was on my bike, exhausted, and could not go on. He was so kind, and because he helped me we both made it all the way to the top!” I said, “Wow, you really put a new spin on your bicycle story!” How amazing! Thirty years ago a man (your dad) bought you a bicycle and taught you how to ride it. He then left you alone to make your own mistakes and to learn your own lessons. Another man with a bicycle comes along thirty years later, just when you needed him, and he stuck with you and helped you all the way to the top.” The circle is complete. I thought about Mary on the way back from attending her wedding. For years she was stuck with her distorted image of her father, rather than on the gifts he had actually given her. She had judged her father too harshly. I believe the new spin she was able to put on her story was triggered by the insights she gained about her drawing. It was very likely this combination of factors led Mary to let go of her negative feelings about her father. In any event, the realization that she misjudged her dad, opened new opportunities for healthier relationships with men. What does the drawing tell us about the relationship between Mary and her dad? The principles of graphology can be applied to both handwriting and drawings, both are projections of our subconscious; for example, how each figure is positioned in relation to the other tells us about relationships. Observe the lack of facial features and the spacing between the two figures.

Note the wide space between the word “love” and the most important word “Dad.” The distance between these two words reflects the emotional distance between this father and his daughter. What does Mary’s Handwriting tell us? Note that the extreme left extensions on the “D” and on the ballooned capital “I” both suggest that she carries extra baggage from the past. Mary wanted to know the bottom line truth about her father and discovered that she judged him too harshly for years. She realized that he did the best he could under the circumstances, and that she was brainwashed by her alcoholic mother to believe that he didn’t care. Now she was able to reframe her beliefs about what really happened. Mary recognized that he was not some sort of a “monster” nor was he uncaring, irresponsible or selfish. The truth came through the objective prism of his handwriting. Graphology opened the door for Mary to see the hidden dynamics of the relationship with her father. She finally realized and accepted the truth: “I realize now that my judgement of him was too harsh and undeserved. Insider’s Tip #3: Speed and Mobility Threadlike letter forms that resemble wet noodles, usually appear towards the end of a word or the end of a signature. These form indicate the writer’s need for speed and mobility.



Insert #5

Chapter 3 The Immature Father

Ellen asked me: "Why am I always attracted to guys who are 'emotional toddlers'? “He threw a temper tantrum in a restaurant. His steak was medium rare instead of well done as he had requested. He actually jumped up and down like a three-year-old and everybody was watching him. I was so embarrassed I wanted, literally, to disappear.” This is one of Ellen’s childhood memories about her father. She told me "He would constantly be fighting with my mother and acting like a child; pouting, arguing and stamping his feet”. I was not surprised that Ellen was fatally attracted to men who were emotional “clones” of the very man she esteemed the least. Her involvement with each of these men started with the greatest of expectations, the excitement that they were "the one." Ellen very much wanted to gain a new understanding of her relationships with men. I was wondering: Were her romantic partners really immature or was she just treating them as if they were children? Let’s find out! Ellen's First Love - the Upfront Cheater? "I first met Ed when I was nineteen years old," Ellen told me. "We seemed to have a lot in common and we confessed to having trouble connecting emotionally with people. He was a lot of fun, so it wasn't long until I moved in with him”. One day Ed announced that he wanted to start seeing other women. He evidently felt strongly about this unilateral decision and brought one of his new flames back to the house. “Amazingly he started to get it on with her right in front of my disbelieving eyes”. "Talk about a wake-up call," Ellen said. "I went crazy. I threw the woman out of the house by the back of her blouse and then attacked Ed. I didn't care that he was 6'2'' and I was only 5'. I was so blind with rage that I picked up a pair of scissors and was on the verge of plunging them into his chest. Luckily my left brain stopped me!” As soon as Ellen calmed down Ed asked her to move out. "I was devastated." Ellen asked me, “Am I destined to fall in love with guys like my dad who exhibit inappropriate behavior?” Before answering this question, I responded, “I need to see Ed's handwriting to determine if he indeed is like your dad.” Ed’s writing exhibits unpredictable behavior. Insert # 6 Ed

Fear of intimacy? "I loved him and I felt that he was the first man in my life who really loved me for who I was." "I was 26 when I met Dennis and remained in a relationship with him for eight years," Ellen told me. She

was soon struggling to understand why the two love birds weren't making love. Their relationship was doomed to fail without the pleasures of sex and intimacy. What Does Dennis’ handwriting Reveal? Dennis’ handwriting shows that he was afraid of intimacy. It also shows a weak ego, tendency toward depression and restlessness. So yes, Ellen had done it again, choosing a man like her father. When will she finally be ready to see the handwriting on the wall and spare herself another heartache? Insert #7 - Dennis

Strike Three - would this relationship last? “I had known Nick for twelve years, he was a good friend. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that we could ever become intimate. But we did, and the sex was fantastic. He also made me feel safe and secure. It was by far the most mature and promising relationship I had been involved in up to that point." Would this relationship last? Would Ellen finally face her blind-spot? “Ultimately he reminded me of my father," Ellen said, with a look that showed just how discouraged she'd become, “He was a Mama’s boy, immature, depressed and insecure just like my father.” Nick did not handle his anger very well; “One day in the airport he got mad at me and carried on yelling and screaming while standing in line and in front of all the people - just because I forgot to pack his favorite shirt.” “That induced me to behave like his mother, but it was a role I couldn’t bear any longer. In all honesty, Ruth, I think I'm ready to call it quits with men." Nick’s handwriting revealed the same characteristics as her previous boyfriends. Ellen said: “Now I know that if I want to avoid more dead-end relationships in the future, I would have to be conscious of my propensity to get involved in the same kind of relationship. All my boyfriends were men who looked to me not for romance as much as for nurturance”. Ellen returned to the wilds of the dating world, hopefully supported and more discerning because of her new awareness. "I realized now that I had the need to keep my partners under my control exactly as my mother had needed to control my father," Ellen said. "It was time to move on and let go of old behaviors that didn’t serve me anymore.” This was a moment of truth for Ellen. It mended the life-long rift between herself and her dad. “During the last year of my father’s life I learned more about him than I had during my previous thirty-six years. We went for a walk one day in a nature preserve and he told me how much he loved the outdoors, he also shocked me by confiding what happened to him during WWII. Being an American soldier of Jewish descent he was traumatized when ordered to assist in cleaning out the ovens in Auschwitz”, she told me tearfully. “I never knew that about him and it explained his “crazy” behavior. I didn't know many of his other stories. I magnified the negatives in the process and I was not willing to see his good qualities." Ellen finished our session by saying how grateful she was for having gained the insights to enable this reconciliation before his death. "I love my father deeply now and this has given me an inner comfort I had never known. You, Ruth, helped me to see my old boyfriends in a new light, gain a new perspective of myself and accept my responsibility in repeating the same pattern that ended my relationships.” And Then Along Came Doug I didn't hear from her for several weeks. One day I received a phone call with an ecstatic Ellen on the

other end. "I've found him, Ruth! I've found the man I'm going to marry! His name is Doug”. Of course I couldn't wait to examine his handwriting. I was very curious to see if his handwriting looked like her father’s handwriting. I was hoping that it would be different. Doug’s handwriting revealed that he was an improvement over the emotional “toddlers” Ellen had been attracted to in the past. In fact, his handwriting looked distinctly different than her father’s. It showed that he is very eager to be connected, that he is consistent and predictable. HE IS unlike her father and all the other boyfriends! His handwriting was almost “perfect”. Insider’s Tip #4: It’s About Love There are certain significant words such as “love” or “father” that are loaded with meaning. The size, shape and placement of these words can provide significant insights about the relationship. Note how Mary’s father writes the word “love.”

Insert #8



Ellen’s handwriting Note the word “father” it could be illegible if taken out of context. Wide spacing between words in both samples denotes trust issues.

Insider’s Tip #5: Trust When the spacing between words is normal (Use the writer’s width of the letter “m” to measure the space between words. If you can fit the letter “m” between most of the words it generally indicates ease with social contact. If the space is wider than 2 “mm” that person probably tends to keep a safe distance from others, has issues with trust and intimacy.

Only when she was able to see this dynamic black on white was she able to overcome it. At the conclusion of our final session Ellen declared: "Your analysis of the handwriting was the key factor in my understanding. There is no way I could have done this without your help. I'll always be grateful to you for it." I told Ellen “you deserve all the credit because you had the courage to face the truth which was revealed in the handwriting.” Her father passed away about a year after Ellen made peace with her dad. Two months later she married Doug. Ten years later I spoke with Ellen only to find out she and Doug were still happily together and had three children! Initially Ellen came to seek my advice because she wanted to understand her attraction to “immature” guys. She finally came to grips with her own immaturity. She now understood that for years she misjudged her father, labeling him “immature”, ignoring his positive attributes and his painful background. This awareness helped her reframe her negative beliefs and make peace with him before he died. Did you look in the mirror lately?

Insert #9

Chapter 4 The "Alcoholic" Father

In what ways might I successfully face my own blind spots?

The outside world perceives her as an attractive, bright and sympathetic executive who seems to have it all. Her handwriting reveals a dramatically different picture. Behind the bright but enigmatic facade hides a sensitive woman who vacillates between over and underestimating herself. During her childhood Judy’s father was unpredictable. He was frequently drunk and was often violently angry. There were several frightening incidents but she doesn’t remember them all clearly. For instance, Judy notes that, "My father fell on my bed when I was a little girl and stayed there for a long time – just sleeping." “I don’t know what exactly happened and I don’t remember the details, nor, for that matter, do I remember whether it was a regular occurrence or whether it only happened once or twice. All I know is that it did happen and that it was an overall painful experience.” Judy also told me that she does recall some good times with her father, when he was in a good mood he was playful and fun to be with. Judy learned to cope with her childhood traumas by detaching from her feelings, both the positive ones and the negative ones. She fled for a time into a world of alcohol, drugs and sexual promiscuity. Her life had become unmanageable and out of control as she watches herself slowly sabotage all she has worked for. Looking for love she continues to seek intimacy with men who have alcoholic tendencies. After years of living a life of double existence she was ready for a change. Then her father died. That shock, combined with the end of a romantic relationship, caused a major transformation in her life. Judy quit her secure job, stopped all substance abuse and totally changed her life style. She embarked upon a journey of self-discovery and tried to uncover and deal with issues she had buried long ago. She was hoping to achieve a new perspective on old patterns. That is when I met Judy. She brought me handwriting samples of her parents, other family members, boyfriends, her bosses and, of course, her own. As an adult Judy still feels numb about her father. Even today, after all these years, she finds it difficult to forgive him. Will my analysis make a difference? Or will she continue to cling to her resentments? Insufficient nurturing The father’s handwriting showed upon examination that he had had insufficient nurturing as a child. His own tragic childhood brought into focus how hard it was for Judy’s father to express feelings unless he had a "few" drinks. I examined a sample of Judy’s grandfather’s handwriting. This sample reflected a rigid approach and a lack of sensitivity to nurture this little boy after his mother’s death. His father couldn't fill the void and emptiness. Later in life, Judy’s father needed an escape from his constant frustration, stress and unfulfilled emotional needs. This sheds light on his escape into alcohol. I told Judy: “Your father's handwriting reveals that he had insufficient nurturing as a child. His father was very rigid. Your father’s handwriting shows he needed freedom of expression and emotional release. What saved him was his adaptability, great determination and ---alcohol... I said to Judy: "It is a miracle that your father survived!”

My objective was to uncover the positive and redeeming qualities that shaped her father's life. I wanted to show that many of the negatives were beyond his control. I knew that it would be easier for Judy to forgive him if she could acknowledge some of his positive qualities. So I said to Judy: “How could your father give you love and warmth when he'd never received much love and attention from his own parents?” I knew she was skeptical. I could not wait to get her feedback and/or confirmations on my analysis. Insider’s Tip 6# Getting attention In general, spacing on the page symbolically represents how one positions himself in society; When the handwriting is large and covers a lot of space we conclude that person enjoys being center stage and getting attention. It is not a negative trait, just an indication of a personal preference. Overlaps: The degree to which individual letters overlap other letters above and below. Overlaps between lines suggest boundary issues and/or unclear judgment.

The handwriting of Judy’s father and other significant men in her life show a consistent pattern: All have a strong need for attention. They did not leave much “space” for her. She prefers to keep a low profile allowing her father to be center stage. Note the difference in size (space) of the letter “D” in the word “Dear” below.

Insert # 10 Insider’s Tip #7: “Inflated Ego” The size of capital letters symbolically represent the “size” of the ego. If the capital letters in the signature are more than 3 times the size of the lower case letters, it suggests an inflated ego.

It was vital for Judy to face her blind spots and her father’s struggles and, at the same time, to see him objectively through the clarifying lens of Graphology. Judy was now faced with a choice of whether to hold onto her resentments or to forgive, and move on with her life. What about you? Are you willing to face your own blind spots? Graphology can help those who are ready to let go of resistance, accept objective truth and be open to change. Embracing change, although unnerving, can lead to personal growth and a new beginning.

Insert #11

Chapter 5 “Perfect” Father: Why Can’t Father and Daughter Be “Friends” Bob, a father of two daughters admitted: “my curiosity about graphology was mixed with some fear – I was afraid to hear some negative responses.” I respected his authenticity, because it is not easy for us to admit fear since we associate fear with weakness. “I am curious and want to get an independent expert opinion and validation of my strengths and weaknesses. I am also concerned about my ability to have good relationships with my daughters.” I had never met Bob or his daughters. However, after one look at his handwriting I said to myself: Wow! This is a very balanced writing, this man is a winner. His daughters are very lucky to have him as a father.



Insider’s Tip #8 A well balanced personality No one is perfect. A well balanced personality Includes adaptability, clear communication, self-awareness and open mindedness; Adaptability is comprised of right slant, forward movement, and threadlike forms tapering at the end of words; Clear communication includes legibility, well defined letters, smooth flow, wide letters and rightward movement.

Insert #12 - Bob’s handwriting

This observation was confirmed when I analyzed Bob’s handwriting more closely. This father – daughter relationship was very unique. It’s delightful to see that there are fathers out there who are affectionate and emotionally responsive. Here is a father who is a mentor and a role model. Sounds too good to be true? There were times in Bob’s life when everything was not so smooth. When daughter, Libby, was a teenager she was very rebellious; she stopped attending school for a few weeks and became involved with drugs and other risky activities. I asked Bob, “how did you handle this?” He said: “my wife and I were aware of the delicate balance between being supportive of her struggles and also defining clear boundaries as to what we were not willing to allow. We made it clear that we were primarily concerned about her well-being.” I said: “when parents work together the child is more inclined to listen and follow their advice.” As a result of wise parental handling during this period, Libby was able to return to high school after a few weeks of rehabilitation and even went on to become class president. She graduated from college a few years later. Bob was very proud to add: “Libby has a very successful career. Now she is happily married and leading a very

normal life”. Libby is the eldest of the two daughters. She told me “I have a great relationship with my father. I admire him. He is doting, loving, and understanding.” Libby also told me that the reason she loves running today is because her father would take her to a running track when she was in her early teens. They would spend many hours talking together and catching up. To this day they still run together. (It seems like mom has been put on the back burner…) Libby told me: “It’s our time – we never run out of things to talk about. My father is very affectionate and physical.” When I asked Libby if her husband’s handwriting slants to the right (i.e. responsive like her dad) she said, “Yes, he has an extreme right slant.” Her husband also tends to be emotional and expressive—just like her dad. Lucille is three years younger than Libby. I was surprised to see that, at first glance, her handwriting looked just like her sister Libby. Lucille also admires her father and describes him as a good friend and mentor. According to Lucille her father is encouraging and supportive. One of her positive childhood memories was a trip she and her dad took to visit his parents when she was a young girl. Here is the story in her own words: “On road trips he and I typically talked in the front seat while my mom and sister slept in the back seat. (Family road trips and our talks are very good memories). The drive was great on this one special trip. We participated in a fajita cook-off at a festival while we were visiting his parents. My dad and his friends entered the competition and I joined them.

I was only ten, yet I had a lot of freedom. It was the first time that I felt as though I was trusted to make my own decisions and take care of myself. I had the comfort, though, of knowing that my father was there for me and that we were participating in the experience together.” Insert #13 Libby

Lucille

At first glance the two daughters’ handwriting looks very similar: both sisters have a controlled and legible writing; both are confident, well-adjusted, realistic and practical. In fact, Libby told me after reading my analysis: “Lucille and I are very close and have a healthy relationship with each other as well as with our father.” What are the attributes of a well-adjusted father? Bob is a good example: He is endowed with a high level of adaptability, the ability to communicate clearly, excellent self-awareness and self-esteem. No inflated ego of course. Bob’s handwriting shows all of these and more. Was your father well adjusted? Only his handwriting can tell.

Insert #14 - drawing

Chapter 6 The Demanding Father When The Daughter Is the “Good Girl” Trying To Please Her Dad “He loved me but I was never sure he liked me.” I asked Joy: “how do you mean that… he did not like your opinions?” She was reluctant to answer. When I first met her she seemed to be private and guarded. She was not ready to share with me details about her relationship with her father, and was unwilling to talk about her childhood experiences with him. However, she admitted that they had some difficulties and she did feel resentful. She came to see me because he was getting older, he was sick and she was eager to achieve closure with him. She also told me “my biological clock is ticking” but she could not maintain long term relationships with boyfriends. So, in order to break the ice I asked her to draw a picture of “Me and my dad”. Joy looked puzzled: “Why do you want me to draw?” I can’t draw” she resisted. I said: “the drawing reveals* subconscious undercurrent emotions that can lead you to a deeper understanding of your relationship with your dad. Once you establish a healthy relationship with him, it will open doors to better communication and connection with the opposite sex. Joy reluctantly agreed and made the drawing above. I looked at the drawing and was surprised by the large size of both figures. They covered a lot of space on the page; you just cannot ignore them. That shows a strong presence, they know how to command attention. Both have a strong ego, feel important, both are standing on a solid base (legs spread out, wide base i.e. they are grounded). Then I noticed the large space between them. These figures are not connected to each other. She admitted that she kept a distance from him to avoid conflict. I said: “your drawing confirms the disconnect between you and your dad; for example, note your head”. “Why my head?” she asked. “Note that your head is detached from your body.” “What does it mean?” Joy asked me. “Symbolically it seems as though your intellect (the head) is separated from your emotions (your heart); you are not connected to your feelings; on the other hand you have a big smile on your face.” “What does this mean?” she asked. “Perhaps underneath the sweet smile there are unexpressed emotions that need to be expressed.”

“Are you sure?” she inquired. “Only your handwriting can confirm my observations.” Insider’s Tip #9: Disconnection Disjointed body parts in a drawing when the head appears to be disconnected from the body suggests the individual may not be in touch with his feelings.

At this point, Joy’s eyes opened wide with an expression of curiosity on her face; it was like a ray of light, a sign that she is open to accept the truth. She was eager to learn more and promised to provide me with a sample of her handwriting as well as her dad’s. I was very curious to find out if their handwriting is consistent with my interpretation of the drawing. Insert #15 Father

Joy

What did the handwriting reveal? Her dad’s writing is extremely angular indicating that he was rigid, inflexible and unbending. On the other hand, Joy’s script is extremely rounded and has a beautiful, smooth flow showing that she is very adaptable and receptive consistent with her smiling face in the drawing. No wonder they had difficulties… Insider’s Tip # 10: Personality types Here are two of the four fundamental writing forms. Each represents a different personality type: the Garland, a rounded form demonstrating a friendly, receptive individual. Angle, represents a strong minded, uncompromising individual.

Considering her dad’s rigidity, Joy faces two basic options: she might try to please him, or she might rebel against him. Joy’s handwriting shows that she chose the first option. She became the “good” daughter wanting to please her dad, hoping that he will be happy. She also became a high achiever, a perfectionist and a people pleaser in her professional life. On the surface she seemed content. Apparently it was a “show.” She held on to resentments and did not express her anger openly. Applying the principles of graphology to her drawing was a catalyst to move her forward to achieve awareness and acceptance. I then asked her to emulate her father’s handwriting as if she is “walking in his shoes.” This was very effective. Understanding her father’s limitations and the dynamics of their opposing personalities helped her put the pieces together, and finally bond with her father. When she realized that she has been “rigid” like her dad, she took off the “good girl” mask and became more authentic with her father. All that led her to have an open heart-to-heart talk with her father; she finally was able to feel the love, which was hard for him to express. When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with your dad?

Insert #16 Julie’s handwriting





Chapter 7 Unlocking the Mystery of Her Absent Father Julie did not know her father. All her life she wondered what kind of father he would be if he had lived. She had difficult and challenging relationships with men. She intuitively sensed that it might be connected to her absent father, but didn’t know what to do about it. Her mom never talked about him. It was too painful. So, there was a huge gap in her life and many missing pieces in the puzzle. For years Julie heard stories about her dad from relatives but each one offered a different account of him. Aunt Gloria said “your father was an angel” but Uncle Ben said “your father had a temper.” Nobody provided a coherent picture of him. Julie of course wanted to know the truth. She wanted to know what she missed by growing up without a father. All she had was his picture, so one thing she knew for sure: she looked like her dad. But-- What personality traits did she get from her father?

Insider’s Tip #11: Avoidance Extreme wide margins on the right side of the page indicate avoidance or resistance to change. It might also be a reflection of a missing parent.

I was surprised when I looked at Julie’s handwriting. She only used the left side of the page and completely avoiding the right side. I said to myself: “Why such a wide right margin? What is she avoiding? Something important is definitely missing here”. I have seen this phenomenon before; it appeared in the handwriting of people who lost a parent at a very young age. Could this indeed reflect the missing parent? If so, this could be an important key in unlocking her father’s mystery. I knew for sure that her father’s handwriting could add a critical piece to the puzzle. “I lost my father when I was only a tiny baby; all I have left are those family stories and an old picture of my dad holding me close to his heart.” She could hardly hold back the tears. “I want to know everything about him, the positive and the negative, all the details.” I told her that his handwriting can tell his true story. It took a few weeks, but Julie finally discovered an old document bearing her dad’s handwriting. After examining it carefully, I told her: “your father was a great communicator, a people’s person with a real entrepreneurial spirit, a hard worker who never gave up.” Julie wanted to know about his emotional life. I said: “your dad’s script shows that he had overwhelming feelings but insufficient emotional release; he had fuzzy boundaries and didn’t always know how to avoid conflict; he had a stormy nature, always on an emotional roller-coaster. His life was basically chaotic.”

Insert # 17 - Father’s handwriting

Note the extreme lower loops (suggesting powerful emotions) and the overlapping between lines indicating fuzzy boundaries and poor of emotional control. Insider’s Tip #12 Emotional Control The baseline, the imaginative line on which the handwriting rests, is an indicator of emotional control. A jumpy baseline may indicate restlessness or mood swings.

Even though he was not present in her life, Julie inherited some of her father’s qualities, the positive and the not so positive. She was surprised to discover that there were so many important similarities between her dad and herself. Like him, she is a communicator and an entrepreneur. But on the other hand she is deeply affected by strong feeling and a quick temper. Knowing this helped Julie accept her own Short comings. I told her: “Julie, now you can blame your short fuse on his DNA…” Julie was listening to me with a mysterious smile on her face. “Why are you smiling?” I asked, “Do you know something that I don’t?” She told: “I did know that my father had a very stormy life, but I never accepted it because in my fantasy he was always the ‘perfect daddy’. I knew that he had several other children from a previous marriage; he worked at three jobs, constantly struggling to provide for his large family. I did not tell you all of that because I wanted an unbiased view of who my father really was.” After our session Julie confirmed all my findings: “your insights were both on target and very helpful.” All of Julie’s revelations were consistent with what I had seen in her father’s handwriting. Julie finally had an objective and impartial view of her father. She was now able to put together the missing pieces. It helped her better understand her own struggles with significant men in her life. It took a lot of courage for Julie to give up her “perfect daddy” fantasy, and accept her father’s shortcomings. Now that she had a realistic view of her father she was able to be more genuine with the men in her life. She worked long and hard on moving forward and she finally found love and peace of mind. Do you have the courage to face the truth about your imperfect father?

< Insert # 18 >

Chapter 8 The Narcissistic Father Reframing limiting beliefs can help you let go of years pent-up anger and deepen your connection to the ones you love. “Your father doesn’t care about you, that’s what my mother told me for years.” As a result Steve became a very angry man who had held onto his anger for four decades! Then Steve, himself, became a father and his anger affected his own fathering style and his relationship to his two daughters. Steve and I met when he was going through a very painful separation from a woman whom he once loved. He was searching for answers. I asked for his handwriting. His script was huge! I have never seen such a gigantic handwriting. His capital letters were ten-times the size of the average handwriting sample. I asked him "Do you have any other style of writing?” He immediately took a little booklet out of his pocket. The handwriting in this booklet was very different-- it was tiny and almost invisible. I was really puzzled-- How could one person exhibit such extremely different writing styles? I said to myself: “One of these styles is not genuine, but which one?” I assumed that the large and “perfect” handwriting wasn't authentic, it was just for show. Will my analysis confirmed that? Insert #19 Steve's handwriting

I said to Steve: “You are a man of extremes who loves to be center stage. Your powerful emotions can be overwhelming, causing you to lose clarity. Your handwriting shows that you tend to be set in your ways. It is either your way or no way. You tend to be a perfectionist which makes it hard to win an argument with you.” Steve was stunned: “How can you tell all of that just based on my handwriting?” I asked him to provide his father's handwriting and he obliged promptly. His father's handwriting was tiny, almost invisible, and very similar to Steve’s genuine writing style that I had viewed in the booklet. I said to Steve “Your father’s handwriting reveals that he was a gentle and sensitive man and your anger towards your dad is not justified.” Steve, however, resisted and insisted that his father had been abusive. Steve really believed that he was right and that I was wrong. There was no way to change his feelings about his father. I suggested analyzing his mother's handwriting. His reaction was: "I know my mother, I don't have to analyze her handwriting. “ I said to myself “Sure, you ‘know’ your mother just like you ‘knew’ your father"... Steve left my office in a very stormy, angry mood. Two weeks later to my surprise, I received his mother's handwriting in the mail. I immediately set down to work on it, hoping to hear from Steve the next day. But Steve did not call for 3 months. I instead called him, and said "Hi Steve, don't you want to know what your mother’s handwriting reveals?" He said "it's not important anymore... and, by the way, I shared your observations with my sister who is 8

years older than I. She always had a very different view of my father. She thinks he was a great father. We always argue about this.” “What did your sister say about my analysis”? Steve was reluctant to tell me. After a long silence he said: “My sister confirmed that our father was indeed sensitive and he even wrote poetry.” Still, I was wondering will he ever forgive his father and move on with his life. Will he ever be able to separate between distortion and fact? Time passed and I forgot all about Steve. One day I received a letter from him. It is a powerful testimony to the insights that graphology can provide. Here is part of the letter. “Dear Ruth, You told me things that went against all of my recollections. Fortunately you persisted. With a gentle hand you tried to show how people weave stories to cover up pain from the past. I still resisted. Then came the fateful day when I checked both your observations and my “story” with my sister. Ruth, you were right and I was wrong. Thanks to your analysis I am now able to fit together pieces that never fit before. Thanks to you I was able to let go of forty years of anger and to give the memory of my father the love and respect he deserves.”

Steve became aware that his mother’s “stories “were told in attempt to keep her ex-husband away from her son. Steve realized that those were just stories not objective facts. He finally faced his blind spot; Will Steve apply those insights to his relationships with his two daughters? Steve’s daughters Several years later Steve wanted me to meet his daughters. Karen, the older daughter was a very attractive young woman with dark hair, blue eyes and an amazing smile. She asked me: “why I am always attracted to unattainable men and reject those who really loved me?” Since I analyzed her dad’s handwriting I knew that her relationship with him was contributing to her predicament with men. She said: “My father wants his views to become mine, and this creates tension between us.” “I remember being ‘daddy's little Girl’ but at the age of 18 my dad suddenly became unavailable. I love my father and feel he is a good friend but I still have some negative feelings about his being a weekend father. I feel that my dad has drifted away from me for a very long time.” She said the following about her relationship with her dad during our session: “I knew he loved and admired me when I was younger. He taught me to strive for the best and to get the most out of school. He had spent more time with me then.” Now Steve is getting divorced and Karen is engaged and will soon be married. Karen: “Recently I feel that my father is withdrawing from me because of my engagement. I fear he is not only divorcing my mother; he is also “divorcing” himself from my life. Karen had more clarity about her ambivalence towards other men in her life after she read my analysis of her father’s handwriting. “My dad’s emotional distance and general unavailability sheds light on why I gravitated towards unavailable men.” Karen’s handwriting shows that “looking good” is important to her. She has clear boundaries (no overlaps between lines); she knows how to avoid conflict. The very deliberate “perfect” school type writing indicates a tendency to be a perfectionist like her dad. Melody, Steve’s younger daughter was a shrinking violet who said: “when I was a little girl my father was too involved in his own world. I always felt deprived of attention from him and have no memories of being close with him while I was growing up. I only recall he was never home and always unavailable in some way. I invested a lot in my relationships with men but I didn’t get back even a fraction of what I invested. Ever since my dad left I question if any guy is going to stay with me forever. I want to better understand my dad and to heal our relationship.”

Insert # 20

Melody

Karen

The rounded letter forms indicate that she is warm and receptive but tends to hold back emotions. She is the “good girl” who aims to please.

Insider’s Tip #13 : Being Secretive Circular loops inside the letter “a,” “o,” and any oval shapes are indications that the writer tends to be secretive. See for example the circular loops inside the letter “o” in Melody’s handwriting.



Steve and Melody had to work through years of emotional distance. Recently, Steve has shown more interest in Melody’s life, by demonstrating warm feelings towards her. I asked if she can now talk to him about her real feelings. She told me “I fear that dad might withdraw his love if I speak up to him. Ruth, your analysis helped me to better understand my father and feel more empathy towards him and start the healing process.” Steve’s daughters share a common fear; both are afraid that his divorce from their mom could mean he will “divorce” them as well. Yet, each daughter has a radically different picture of him as a father. Steve claims that the relationship with the daughters has changed, since his divorce. He admits that he was largely unavailable to them while he was married, but feels now he can be himself again. Both daughters are now able to separate the reality from their misperceptions about Steve. They both understand their father’s struggles in life and see his vulnerable side. As all three changed their perspective it became easier to reconnect. After the session was over I asked the girls: “Did you get any other insights about your dad? “Yes!” They agreed, “We finally realized that he is not as detached as he seemed. He has soft spots, just like the rest of us, he is not as Opinionated.” Steve's story is everyone's story; it is relevant to all of us. We cannot really be totally objective about our own parents. We are emotionally involved, have limiting beliefs and therefore lack the right perspective. Only an unbiased viewpoint can free us from those beliefs and trigger a transformative experience. I asked Melody if she still has some difficult encounters with her dad, “yes” she said, but I let him win …” Are you ready to shift your mind and change your life?

Insert #21

Chapter 9 A Tale of Two Fathers

How do you process loving two fathers? Lee’s mother never had anything good to say about Lee’s real father, she continually made him the bad guy. Was he actually a bad dad? Did he neglect his family? Did he really disrespect Lee’s mother? Lee’s parents divorced when she was only four years old. A year later her mom remarried and a new father, a stepfather came into Lee’s life. She did not have much time to process this new transition. Her mother told her, “this will be your new daddy and you will learn to love him, as I do.” Time passed. Lee did learn to accept her new daddy, and continued to see her biological dad almost every week.

For years Lee was torn between two loyalties to her two fathers; her biological dad and her stepfather. She always felt ambivalent as she navigated her relationship with each “father”. She never felt comfortable speaking about one whilst in the company of the other. What went on in her child’s mind? Three decades have passed and now Lee is 30 years old. Her stepfather recently died. At the same time she terminated, yet another, long-term romantic relationship. Here she was an amazing young woman, sexy and good looking, a wonderful personality and a great career, facing critical question at the crossroads of her life. Lee: “I have so many guys who want to date me but somehow I get trapped again and again getting into dead end relationships. Why am I still single? Why am I unhappy? Is resentment towards my biological dad blocking me? ” I wondered, maybe the reason for her misery is unexpressed longings for her true father. I told her: “I can help you separate the facts from your misconceptions; let’s examine your handwriting first.” Insert #22 -Lee Her Biological Father



Her “perfect” writing reflects an individual who tends to be reserved, holding back emotions; it is not easy for her to reveal her true feelings. “Your writing sample reveals that you like to please people. Looking good is more important to you than feeling good.” Insider’s Tip # 14 Looking Good When the writing seems to be perfectly executed, like the school type writing, it shows the person is hiding behind a mask; For this type of writer looking good is more important than feeling good.

She agreed: “I learned from my mother to show a smiling face to the outside world – no matter what I really feel inside.” I continued: “You probably accepted your stepfather because you wanted to please your mother – being a young child you depended on him as well. The conflict that exists is that deep down you always loved your daddy but was not allowed to show it”. “No, I really like my stepfather, we had a great relationship” Lee insisted. She wasn’t ready, yet, to admit the deep love she had for her father. She was not ready to acknowledge the important part her mother played in this drama. As I tried to dig deeper to understand her ambivalence, I felt her resistance. Because of her reluctance I asked Lee to draw a picture entitled “Me and My Dad”. (See the drawing above the title and Insider’s Tip #2 about interpretation of drawings).

First she drew herself with her stepfather inside a house with a tiny heart placed between them. That was a good beginning, but a closer look at that heart revealed that it was hanging in midair detached on both sides. There was no connection. The tiny heart was drawn just for show. I asked Lee: “What about your biological father, where is he in the picture? No room for him in this house?” A lightbulb turned on over her head and her face lit up. She took the pen in her hand, hesitating at first. Then she started drawing a second house with her biological father inside, next to the first house. She drew a connecting line between her biological dad and herself and then kept going back and forth, back and forth, several times, and she did it with such gusto. She was on automatic pilot; it seemed as if she could go on endlessly.

Then she started crying. “Why are you crying?” I asked. She could hardly talked: “I guess this drawing brought forth old feelings I buried a long time ago; now I know that my heart always belonged to my real daddy.” I could almost touch the shift in Lee’s thinking. She was now able to embrace her father who had been there for her all her life. The lines in her drawing are connected on both sides and there is no tiny heart hanging in the middle. This is a true connection. She was relieved and elated to finally get in touch with her deep emotional connection she had with her father. Lee’s awareness regarding her drawing was a defining moment that changed everything. I asked Lee to look again at her drawing: “Note that you drew yourself as a little girl, not as an adult. Observe the oversized figure representing your father, compared to the smaller image of your stepfather - size reflects significance. Your father’s script reveals that he is an easygoing guy, spontaneous and authentic. As a result of my analysis Lee comes to embrace her dad and make the negative feelings she held onto, a thing of the past. Shortly after this process Lee married a wonderful man. She sent me his handwriting for evaluation. Her husband’s handwriting looked very much like her biological dad’s script; Lee was finally able to process the conflict and acknowledge her love for both fathers. Are you torn between two loyalties? Are you ready to acknowledge the important part your mother played in this drama? How can you apply this story to your situation? Insert #23 The Fondas

Chapter 10

The Uninvolved Father If you are not aware of your relationship traps, you are doomed to repeat them just like the Fonda’s. Read on to see how you may spare yourself years of suffering. We do know that Jane’s mom suffered from depression, yet in spite of her mental disorder, Henry had told her about his extramarital activity, along with the news that he no longer loved her. Jane’s distraught mother took her own life shortly after that announcement. Henry and his daughter Jane had 3 failed marriages; Peter Fonda got married 3 times. Are these dysfunction relationships doomed to pass from one generation to the next? Yearning to be closer to her emotionally distant father, Fonda hoped their co-starring in a movie about the reconciliation between a father and daughter would bring them together. She doesn’t get what she was hoping for from her father during and after the movie On Golden Pond; and during many public discussions Jane acknowledges the most precious “power of forgiveness.” These are known facts but what is the truth? Will their handwriting reveal another story? That said, let's begin with Henry Fonda first. Who is the real Henry Fonda? What can we learn from the handwriting of this renowned father adored by the public but privately so distant and cold?

Why wasn't Henry more responsive to his daughter’s problems and needs? His handwriting* suggests that he was simply unable to express his emotions. He is very cerebral and tends to be cool and unemotional (the “y” loops in “Henry” is cut off). The disjointed "H" indicates a disconnect.

Insert #24 Jane and her dad Insider’s Tip #15 Private and unassuming A small signature indicates that the writer tends to be unassuming. If the signature is illegible, it means that the writer tends to be private.

The oversized letters indicate a strong ego, consistent with her persona. This is contradicted by the entangled and tightly squeezed letters combined with a left slant.

And what about Peter Fonda? How did his father’s personality and affect his life? What type of relationship did he have with his father?

< Insert # 25 Peter Fonda > Peter Fonda’s handwriting reveals a man who is highly adaptable and intelligent who has up and down mood swings; a tendency to be self-indulgent and easily yielding to temptation. Were these attributed a result of lack of emotional support from his father? Insider’s Tip #16: Adaptability Adaptability is comprised of several indicators: right slant, forward movement, and threadlike forms tapering at the end of words are strong indications of adaptability. Insider’s Tip #17: Mood swings Changing moods can be seen in the relation of the writing to the baseline, the imaginary line on which the handwriting rests. An even baseline suggests emotional control. A jumpy baseline indicates restlessness or mood swings.



Did Henry Fonda substitute a lack of affection with material possessions? Henry Fonda the father, he was not capable of being warm and nurturing. As a consequence of his inadequate fathering both Jane and Peter spent several decades resenting their dad and paid high price to became aware of their relationships traps. Eventually they have forgiven Henry for being a cold and distant father, but could have spared themselves years of angst and strife, if they faced the objective truth about their father, who did the best he could under the circumstances. If you could not relate to Jane Fonda’s story read on. Perhaps the next story will resonate with you. Reading Chapter 11, you will discover the secrets hidden in the handwriting of a different famous father-daughter relationship, In fact here the rolls are reversed, the father is overwhelmed by emotions and the daughter has very clear boundaries. Do you repeat relationship and emotional traps? What can you learn from Jane’s story to change your patterns? *Disclaimer: Remember that a signature is our public persona so when we work just with a signature the analysis is limited in scope.





Insert #26

Chapter 11 The Overbearing Father Some fathers are emotionally uninvolved, some are self-involved and some are overly-involved. Where do you draw the line? How do you react? Do you rebel? or build tall walls? Let’s see if Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology, was more adequate and effective than the average father. Let’s see how his daughter Anna reacted to her dad’s over involvement in her life? One possibility is that she will try to maintain a safe, emotional distance from him by creating clear boundaries to protect herself. We are, of course, talking about Anna Freud. Let’s see what her handwriting tells us. How did this famous daughter deal with her overbearing father?

< Insert # 27 - Sigmund and Anna Freud > What Does Anna’s Handwriting Reveal? The spacing between lines is extremely wide; it shows that she tends to be cautious in protecting her emotional space, keeping clear boundaries and avoiding conflict. However she paid a high “price” for this safety. The slow and deliberate letter formation is extremely controlled indicating a lack of spontaneity and emotional expression. She became rigid just like her dad. Insider’s Tip #18: Uncompromising Angularity implies control, rigidity, an uncompromising nature. On the positive side, angular forms also indicate self-determination and perseverance. It may suggest an individual who is motivated by challenges. We need to evaluate this trait within the overall picture of the writing.

What Does Freud’s handwriting reveal? The overlaps between lines combined with the extreme lower extensions reflect a man with deep, overwhelming emotions. The extreme angularity in this handwriting shows a rigid nature. It was not easy for Anna to get along with her father. As his daughter she probably wanted to please him, but at the same time she had to protect her freedom of expression. Both father and daughter’s handwriting reflect an uncompromising attitude. Neither one of them were easy to get along with. Freud was probably a very demanding and overbearing father as deciphered in his handwriting. I believe that Anna’s reaction to her father was to build high “walls” to protect her ego and he became rigid just like her dad. When the father is too controlling the daughter’s natural reaction might be to protect herself. Graphology can unveil traits of dominance and control – if one is affected by these traits held by a parent one can want to “isolate” in order to self-protect. How about you? Is your father is overbearing? What is your protective bubble? If you can relate to Anna’s

story be assertive and let him know where he needs to stop. The awareness of your father’s true nature will allow you to see him more objectively and avoid taking it personally.



Insert #28

Chapter 12 The Abusive Father Why is Tom Hiding? Why is there a gap between his external and internal self? Tom is a very successful attorney, a partner in a multinational law firm. Everyone was impressed with Tom’s signature. Strangers would comment, “Wow, your signature is creative, distinctive and so special.” His signature looked like art work; it was bold, daring and flamboyant. Tom’s signature matched his public persona: he was a mover and a shaker. It appeared as if he had everything he would want in his life, but in spite of his professional success Tom always felt something was missing. His troubles were beginning to bubble up to the top and he perceived push-back from people close to him; including business associates, girlfriends and family. Tom wanted to find out what are the undercurrents that lay below. He was determined and wanted to know what his handwriting reveals. He came to my office with a big envelop including handwriting samples of his parents, his x-wife and his girlfriends. Tom: “I want to know what is really going on in my brain”. Insider’s Tip #19: Playing “hide and seek” Your signature reveals your public image and how you want the world to see you. A small signature indicates that the writer tends to be unassuming. A large signature shows a desire to make a strong impression.

< insert # 29 Tom and his father >

I explained to Tom, “Your handwriting reveals that on a deeper level there is a vacillating self-image, ambivalence and inner conflict. You are playing hide and seek. Your signature tells me that you don’t want people to know you, but what if people don’t want to take the time and figure you out? They may intuitively perceive you as inauthentic and wonder if they can you.” Tom: “so they see someone that they’re not sure about?” “Yes. They see you as an enigma” I told him. I suggested an exercise to trigger his self-awareness: “How about making a minor alteration to your signature? Make it a bit more legible; Just as a symbolic gesture of your commitment to change. If you change your signature, you will become aware of the image you project to the world. You’re going to display a more authentic image so the world is going to trust you in return.” Tom: “When I heard you suggest that I change my signature, I immediately felt my ego being attacked.

People smile at me when they see it. They think it’s special. But you’re telling me now that maybe, I should have a ‘un special’ signature?” “You are special, and I’m suggesting that you make small alterations in your signature just as an exercise; if you want to change people’s reaction to you, then you need to be aware of how others perceive you.” Tom willingly made his signature more legible. “What’s your gut reaction when you changed your signature?” I ask. “It felt familiar because I have signed my name like this before, when I was younger. There have been times where I have wanted people to know the genuine me. What you’re suggesting is that I still have that conflict in my personality.” “Yes, in your sample there is a difference between your external (signature) and your internal (actual handwriting).” “In addition, your actual writing confirms that you need to keep a safe distance; perhaps you are concerned that if people get too close to you, they’re going to hurt or engulf you.” “Why, in spite of my success, do I continue to have a nagging feeling that I am not good enough?” asked Tom. Under his breath Tom says “I’m still hiding”. I told him “yes, you are hiding in order to protect your ego; you have to accept the hard truths and in doing so, change.” Tom: “Do I have a problem with change?” “It takes courage to change and I think you’re ready,” I replied. I continued “You may go back to all the times that your parents were fighting and you just wanted to hide under the covers and not see what’s going on there. Whatever traumatic experiences that were in your world you found ways to protect yourself. You don’t have to do this anymore”. It was time to drop the Bomb. “There are indications in your handwriting of a serious emotional/sexual trauma in your past that you are not aware of and still hold on to.” Insider’s Tip: Emotional/Sexual Abuse

Extreme Angularity In The Lower Loops Rather Than Curved Loops Are a strong indication of abuse.

Tom: “I’ve been in therapy for months and this subject never came up.” “If there’s anything you want to talk to me about sexuality, I’m very comfortable with that. Please share it with me.” I responded, “Sex means letting go of control and being vulnerable. The trauma that you experienced causes you to hold onto control instead of letting go.” Tom opened an envelope containing his father’s handwriting. Ruth: “Your father’s handwriting reveals that he could be overwhelmed by emotions. He is very controlling and probably tried to control you. You didn’t want to be controlled, but at the same time you wanted to please him, so you defended yourself by hiding behind a “wall”. Tom: “I acknowledge that my father was indeed domineering, but I loved him and I put pressure on myself to live up to my father’s demands.” I explained, “It’s not what your father said; it’s who he was and how he behaved. Nonverbal communication is more powerful than the words we say.” Tom: “I agree. I’ve heard through my whole life that I’m not living up to my full potential.”Laughingly I replied, “Albert Einstein only used 15% of his potential… You’re in good company…” Tom: “I’m torn and I’m trying to understand why. I haven’t put my finger on what it is.”

His interest in exploring the sexual abuse issue shows that he is ready to dig deeper into his subconscious and take action. He continues in therapy and bravely explores a possible sexual abuse issue. A few weeks later, Tom called and told me that he discovered in therapy that his father sexually abused him as a child; he wrote me a thank you letter, ending with these words: “Graphology is like emotional and personality surgery combined, and you are an extraordinary gifted surgeon. Sitting with you and the letters from my family for two hours was as meaningful, as insightful and as significant as two years of work with my therapist.” When Tom finally understood why he was hiding and what truth he was trying to avoid, he became more authentic and gained trust from the people around him. “To close the gap between your external and internal you need to first identify your mask and face your truth. Is there a gap between your external and internal self? What are you hiding from? Are you ready to face it and let go?

Image # 30



Chapter 13 The Competitive Father



When Father and Son Don’t See Eye to Eye (Pat and Donald Conroy)

Imagine you are a famous author – you have just spoken to an audience of thousands about your bestselling book poised to become a Hollywood blockbuster. You are enthusiastically autographing your book, when someone shows you two autographs, written sideby-side on the front page. You are surprised to read the following: “This book has no literary value at all”? What would you think? What’s wrong with this critique? How dare he?! Would your eyes open wider when you discover it was written by your own father? You might ask yourself: Is my father trying to glorify himself instead of being proud of me? Is he trying to steal the show? Or perhaps he is trying to be funny? If so, his humor could be masking jealousy. Behind humor there is usually a good dose of truth…. So what is the truth? What is revealed in their handwriting? Is it consistent with the known facts? My friend, Lisa, obtained Pat Conroy’s book which included both Pat and Don Conroy’s handwriting samples, placed side-by-side. She knew that I am collecting father-son handwriting, and said: “have I got a great sample for you! You would never believe this one.” She showed me the two writing and said: “I am very curious to hear your observations about the relationship between this father and son.” “I am very curious myself. I cannot wait to see what their handwriting reveals about their relationship.” After examining their handwriting, here is what I have found: Both father and son are men of extremes; they are very competitive and strong willed; Both have high standards and extreme expectations of themselves and others; both tend to hold back

emotions. Insider’s Tip #20: Pride or Arrogance? Observe the size of the capital letters in the signature, compared to the size of the other letters; If it is more than 3 times the size of the lower case letters it shows that the person is proud of his achievements, or just arrogant.

Pat Conroy loves to be center stage and knows how to command attention. However a deeper scrutiny of his writing suggests that he tends to be inhibited. It reveals his vacillating self-esteem. Although he seems to be very confident on the outside, he tends to over and underestimate himself. The other day I found Pat’s eulogy for his dad where he says the following about his dad: “Donald Conroy is the only person I have ever known whose self-esteem was absolutely unassailable.” I wonder if Don’s father gave him more credit than Donald gave his son. In addition, Don’s handwriting reveals that he is rigid, regimented and uncompromising; it shows that he expects others to perform at top capacity. I wonder if that is why his son, Pat, feels like he is not good enough. I wonder if his father was able to appreciate Pat’s greatest achievement. Pat Conroy’s priority is meeting challenges. In fact challenge motivates him and being in control is very important to him. I said to Lisa: “I wonder what motivated Don Conroy to attend his son’s lectures and how did Pat Conroy reacted to his father’s words “this book has no literary value.” Lisa said: “I don’t know the answers, what can you decipher from their handwriting samples?” I reviewed their handwriting again and replied: “If Pat Conroy was my client, I would say to him what I would say to any son who has a competitive father: “you cannot change the past but you have control over the future. It is not your fault that your dad has unrealistic expectations from you. Don’t let your father deprive you of your self-worth; enjoy your accomplishments in spite of your dad’s critical nature. Be aware and accept it as the objective unbiased truth revealed in the handwriting.” Pat Conroy relationship with his dad is not uncommon: Studies show that many sons and daughters have unresolved issues with their fathers. Do you have unresolved issues with your father?



Epilogue Graphology helped me move from a breakdown to a breakthrough. It changed my life. Graphology helped me gain a new awareness which led to acceptance and eventually to forgiveness. I realized that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. In addition, my encounter with the graphologist Ben affected the dynamics of the next generation as well. My daughters’ father was more available than mine. They were blessed to have a father who is totally devoted to them. The bottom line is –they were and still are “daddy’s girls!” My granddaughters too have warm, loving relationships with their fathers. The future looks bright and promising. Make graphology work for you too! * * *







Ruth is available to speak about relationships traps in life and in the workplace. Call to make your next event both memorable and meaningful. 212-755-7884 ● [email protected] For more details visit our website: www.DecodingHandwriting.com



List of Insider’s Tips Tip #

Trait or

Page #

Attribute 1.

Perfectionist



Drawing



3.

Speed and





mobility



2.



4.

About love



Trust



Getting attention



Inflated ego



Balance



Disconnection



Personality type



Avoidance



Confusion



Being secretive



Looking good



15.

Private and





unassuming

16.

Adaptability



Mood swings



Uncompromising





5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.



17.

18.

19.

Playing hide and



seek

20.

Prideful









List of Inserts (drawings and handwriting) Chapter # & Title Front Cover

Insert #

Introduction/bio

Page # of insert

1



11.

1. My story: Change was just a pen stroke away

2



12.

2. A Gift in Disguise (The Missing Father)

3 4



13.

3. Why am attracted to “Emotional Toddlers”? (The Immature Father)

14.

4. The Alcoholic Father

15.

5. Why can father and daughters be “friends”? The “Perfect” Father

16.

6. The Demanding Father

14 15



17.

7. The Absent Father

16 17



18.

8. Reframing Limiting Beliefs (The Narcissistic Father)

19.

9. Tale of two Fathers



5 6 7 8 9 10





11 12 13



18 19 20 21 22





23 24 25

10. Henry Fonda: The Uninvolved Father 11.Sigmund Freud: The Overbearing Father

26 27



12.The Abusive Father: Why is Tom Hiding?

28 29



13.The Competitive Father: Pat and Donald Conroy

30





Back cover

MY PICTURE





About the Author Ruth Brayer is court qualified expert witness, specializing in handwriting identification. Her practice covers a wide spectrum, from handwriting authentication to court testimony, to speaking about integrity and authenticity in business and in life. Brayer is author of “Decoding Your Dad” and “Detecting Forgery in Fraud Investigations.” She is a seasoned presenter, with over 25 years of speaking experience. Her programs are highly endorsed by Fortune 500 companies and audiences in the U.S.A and abroad. Brayer is a certified graphologist, who completed courses in the fundamentals of graphic movement and the psychology of handwriting, including: Freud’s psychoanalytic theories, Jungian Typologies and Wittlich’s Character Structure and Neuroses, as seen in handwriting. Mental health professionals, Dr. Gil Zalsman M.D. psychiatrist, Igal Vardi, a clinical psychologist and Clary Mitchell-Smith, found Ms. Brayer’s observations to be without contradiction to standard psychological theories. This book can help you confront unfinished business with your father and open doors to a more successful love relationship.

Discover the most effective and objective profiling tool used by the FBI illustrated with 20 Insider’s Tips to make your relationships work. Testimonials “The art and science of graphology is an important tool for understanding of human emotions and is used all over the world. In her heartwarming story about her experience with her own father, Ms. Brayer exemplifies the essence of psychotherapy that awareness of key dynamics with either parent leads to deeper and more highly valued self-understanding.” Gil Zalsman M.D., Associate Research Scientist Psychiatry Department Columbia University, New York. “Brayer succeeds in being approachable both to the professional and to the non-professional reader who finds interest in the relationship between fathers and children.” Yigal Vardi, Clinical psychologist.

Ruth Brayer is a court qualified expert witness, specializing in handwriting identification and author of “Detecting Forgery in Fraud Investigations.” She is a seasoned presenter, highly endorsed by audiences in the U.S.A and abroad. Brayer is a certified graphologist, who completed courses in the psychology of handwriting, including: Freud’s psychoanalytic theories, Jungian typologies and Wittlich’s character structure and neuroses, as seen in handwriting.