Doomer to Bloomer: How to Stop Being a Loser

Citation preview

Contents Introduction Mental Health Physical Mental Health Exercise Sleep Food Going outside Cold showers

Stop doing the things that are making you depressed Social media News / politics Dating apps Online relationships Dopamine addiction

Start doing the things that make you fulfilled Productivity Treat yourself Self reflection Setting goals Mindfulness Gratitude

Looksmaxing Working out Hygiene Skincare Hairstyle and facial hair Posture Mewing Fashion

Career/Finance Figure out what you want to do Still in education? Self employed / freelance

Progressing in your career Personal finance / investing Mindset towards money Spending Investing Braindead guide for personal finance

Relationships Becoming social Becoming likeable Talking to people Meeting people

Maintaining relationships Dating Meeting sexual partners How to act in front of the opposite sex The type of woman to go for

Closing thoughts

Introduction It was a quiet night in September, I sat in front of the familiar hum of my computer as I watched the date change from the 15th to the 16th - my birthday. I had turned 27 alone after spending the day as I did most days: playing video games that I didn’t have fun playing anymore, chain watching youtube videos at the behest of the addictive algorithm and scrolling through various degenerate message boards to pass the time. I checked facebook out of boredom and saw various posts from people I had met in the past who I hadn’t spoken to in years and old friends who I’d drifted apart from. I scrolled past pictures of holidays, group photos of people having fun, selfies in front of beautiful scenery and as I did I reflected on my own life - how did I get here? I had turned into an adult with few meaningful experiences, crippling loneliness and no passions to speak of nor drive to achieve. I felt drained despite doing nothing, every day is a repetition of the same crap - I was addicted to idleness, sitting in front of this dopamine dispenser computer that I didn’t even enjoy spending time on. I didn’t even know what I could do otherwise, I knew I should do productive things but I just had no drive. I had read self help suggestions online but nothing appealed to me, I felt annoyed at the writers of the countless articles telling me to go outside and try new hobbies and join clubs - it all sounded like a boring and shit endeavour to me. What did I even want to do? What would make me happy? I craved social interaction but feared and avoided it, I felt awkward and restricted around my own family, I felt disconnected from society and had no goals or motivations. I knew I didn’t want to be sitting there doing nothing all day, but what was the alternative? Usually I didn’t feel negative emotion, most days I only experienced numbness and boredom but on this night I told myself I needed to do something with my life, I was sick of merely existing and not living, I was sick of spending every night alone. I had tried and failed in the past to improve my life, and though I didn’t know how, in that moment I knew that I had to change.

That was two years ago. Right now I’m sitting on my sofa with my laptop in the house I bought a few months ago, enjoying the soothing sounds of my cat's quiet snoring as it sleeps next to me. I can finally say I’m happy, after spending most of my twenties lonely, depressed and directionless I have finally broken out of the cycle and have a meaningful existence; I have a cute girlfriend and a close circle of friends who I hangout with regularly. I spend my free time on hobbies I enjoy, travelling, seeing beautiful places, lifting weights and playing piano. I enjoy my job and have managed to accumulate a decent amount of wealth. I've also managed to build up a decent physique in the past few years after spending my childhood and teens painfully skinny. It’s such a relief to not be crippled by anxiety - not only do I no longer fear speaking to people but I actively enjoy it - I'm interested in other people's opinions and love to find out their experiences, aspirations and motivations. Coming out of depression is like being able to breathe after years of drowning, the liberating feeling of being able to relax and view life with positive excitement and confidence rather than having nagging doubts and fears dominating daily life. Dear reader, at whatever age you are, whether you have friends or none, whether good looking or ugly, NEET or not, I promise to you that you can turn your life around. I have done it, and while the process was difficult the steps to do so are far simpler than you probably think. I have decided to write down how I did it in this book, cutting out all the bullshit complexities and theories you have heard before and only focusing on the actual methods that will transform you. My pledge to you is that if you follow the steps I outline in this book, you too can escape the depravity of depression and emerge as a bloomer - one who experiences happiness, meaningful relationships, achievement and overall a fulfilling life. All I ask of you is commitment, the initial decision to take action, and the self reflection required to objectively analyse and ultimately change your life.

I have simplified down the elements of the self improvement journey into four broad chapters. Although every aspect is important, I believe they should be focused on in the following order: Mental health Looksmaxxing Career / Finance Relationships Treat each element of the journey as if it contains all previous elements as prerequisites; for example you will not succeed in your career if you have abysmal mental health, or you will not achieve a meaningful relationship if you’re depressed, have no job and do not maintain your physical appearance. I’m not saying it is completely impossible to, for example, get a girlfriend/boyfriend without having all other elements in order, but you will struggle - whereas flourishing in the previous elements will actually make it easy to achieve. For this reason I highly advise against skipping ahead - for the vast majority of those reading this the main reason your life sucks is because your mental health sucks and that is why it is priority numero uno. “But all my problems would disappear and I would be happy if I just had a girlfriend” stop lying to yourself. Even if you managed to get a girlfriend at this stage it would be a miserable and toxic experience. If you do not respect and look after yourself why do you think anybody else would? Fix your life in the correct order. Since I have tried my best to compress the steps of self improvement as much as possible you could easily read this guide in one sitting, however that doesn’t mean it’ll be that quick to turn your life around. If you master each stage then congratulations, you have turned your life around and you’re living a life of fulfilment, but we know it isn’t that simple you have to dedicate every day to improving your life and while it really is as simple as “do these things, stop doing these things”, it will take your commitment to actually stick to them every day.

Mental Health

If you’re reading this I’m going to make an assumption about you: You are depressed. Depression doesn’t necessarily mean you're upset all the time or are on the brink of suicide, it really manifests itself in feelings of emptiness, lack of caring about anything or anyone, nihilism and lack of motivation to do anything worthwhile. This can seem like an endless negative loop where depression causes you to lose motivation to implement fixes to your life, even if you know how. I want you to view depression as your body sending you signals that you need to change your life, much like hunger if your body needs to eat, or tiredness if you need sleep. When you’re feeling depressed, empty, unmotivated this is your mind telling you it requires changes to your life to actually become content, and in this section I aim to help you understand why you’re depressed and how to fix this. Aside from depression there is a range of mental health factors we can take control of in order to boost fulfilment, motivation and meaning to our lives and the good news is you can make changes that have a drastic positive effect on your life in a very short period of time. To set your expectations, if you follow the methods you are about to read it will take you around 2 weeks of performing these actions every day to overcome depression and have a healthy, positive mindset towards life.

Physical mental health Your body has requirements that if not met will cause depression, and these are often overlooked when trying to self improve. I’m putting this section first because it is the most important and influences every aspect of your life. It’s entirely possible and plausible that this is the singular reason why you’re miserable, and that by fixing this your life will seemingly magically turn around. You will DEFINITELY be depressed if you moderately fuck up these things. You could be wealthy, have relationships and a good career but if you neglect these aspects you will still be depressed and empty. I am not a doctor so I cannot comment on your suitability for

taking antidepressants, however I will say that if you do not have the core elements of physical mental health in check then you should always try to fix these before considering medication. Treat the cause, not the symptom. The core elements of keeping your physical mental health in check are exercise, sleep, food and going outside.

Exercise Exercise is vital and I cannot stress enough how crucial it is. Studies show that exercise can treat depression as effectively as antidepressant medication. Looking back at the times I had bouts of misery it always coincided with when I was not getting exercise, this is obvious to me now although I wasn’t aware at the time. I had tried and failed multiple times in my life to stick to an exercise routine and always failed - this was because the reason I worked out was to gain muscle for looks, and I was stuck in my short term mindedness and the lack of quick results always made me lose motivation eventually. The key moment that changed my life was when it finally clicked that working out stopped me from being miserable in the short term - it didn’t completely change my life instantly, but the baseline level of my mental wellbeing was raised substantially so that it was completely noticeable. I changed my goals of building muscle to building strength: increasing the weight or reps that I lifted each time I exercised and recorded it each workout so every time I exercised I was actually usually making a small achievement, the heaviest I’ve ever lifted for this particular exercise, or the most reps. This positive feedback loop gave me the motivation to continue and actually made working out an enjoyable experience rather than a chore. It was around 3 months after regularly exercising when a family member asked if I had been working out, and shortly after that the few friends I had started commenting on my gains where my confidence skyrocketed. For those who don’t currently lift weights here is a quick overview: Routine Compound lifts are superior to isolation movements. This means lifts that utilise multiple muscle groups to achieve a movement, for example bench press, pullups, squats. I recommend you research beginner routines such as starting strength or stronglifts 5x5 which are beginner friendly and will give you a great full body workout and great muscle gains over time. Since the internet is full of different workout regimes it can get complicated, but to simplify things you just need to understand the primary body movement patterns and create a routine based around these, here are the primary body movements with some compound exercise examples: Horizontal push - pushup, bench press Horizontal pull - row, facepull Vertical push - overhead press Vertical pull - pullup, lat pull-down Quad dominant - squat, lunge Hip dominant - deadlift, glute bridge Split For beginners a full body split is recommended. This means that each workout exercises every major muscle group of the body, rather than dedicating certain days to certain groups. You want to workout 3 days a week, for example monday, wednesday and fridays to give your body adequate time to rest. I am not completely against other types of

splits, for example an upper/lower can be fine if it suits your schedule better, just remember to hit every major muscle group at least twice a week. Tracking progress As mentioned before, tracking progress not only helps you to ensure you’re progressively overloading how much you’re lifting and thereby gaining strength/muscle size, but it also is a key factor in giving you a sense of achievement when you workout, the progress you make does wonders for your mental wellbeing and gives you the motivation to continue. Exercise is a huge industry and you can get lost with all the fitness content online, but stick to the basic principles and you will do fine: Create a compound movement focused routine to hit every major muscle group, train each muscle group at least twice a week, progressively increase the weights/reps over time and track your progress.

Sleep You probably underestimate the importance of sleeping and falsely believe you’re getting an OK amount of sleep. I’m making an assumption that you, dear reader, spend your late waking hours overstimulating yourself with useless media, porn, videogames and other meaningless screen time - all that blue light blasting into your eyeballs and screwing up your ability to have a regular, quality sleep cycle. Let me cut to the chase: pretty much every good process of your body is improved through sleep, and every negative aspect of your physical health is worsened through lack of sleep. With more sleep you literally will look more attractive - you’ll have healthier skin, build more muscle, increase testosterone. You will also process thoughts better, be happier, more focused, less depressed, have less emotional outbursts. You will have better memory, a better digestive system, a more robust immune system. Pretty much all bodily functions are dependent on the quality of your sleep and by neglecting it you will suffer the inverse consequences. The best thing you can do to improve sleep quality is stick to a routine - go to sleep at the same time every night and wake up every morning at the same time. By doing so you increase the quality of your sleep and maintain your body’s internal clock, the circadian rhythm. Aim to get at least 8 hours a night and keep an alarm set to wake up at the same time every morning - it usually takes a few days to adjust to a new sleeping pattern but your body and mind will be thanking you. Stick to the schedule and very soon you’ll be naturally falling asleep and waking up at the same time without even needing an alarm. If you’re struggling to fall asleep at night here’s some tips on how to remedy: Temperature If you’re too warm you may have a hard time falling asleep, try removing some layers. Taking a warm shower before bed can also help - as your body cools down it sends a signal to your brain to go to sleep. Experience both daylight and darkness Light influences your circadian rhythm and can make it harder to fall asleep. During the day, exposing your body to light informs the body to stay awake/alert. Both natural and artificial light from screens have the same affect, so stop staring at screens before you sleep and darken your environment as you prepare to sleep Exercise during the day Make sure you’re exercising enough during the day. If you still struggle to sleep despite exercising, try working out in the mornings - research suggests this promotes better sleep

quality. If you’re on a rest day from lifting weights that doesn’t mean you can’t do some cardio - go for a walk Limit caffeine Caffeine stimulates your mind and keeps you alert and is therefore detrimental to your sleep quality and duration. Do not consume for at least 6 hours before bedtime Activities before bedtime Avoid screen time. Spend the time before sleeping on other activities, reading is the most obvious suggestion. You can also try relaxing music, audiobooks, podcasts.

Food Eating crap makes you feel crap. The western food industry is packing food with tons of additives with the intention of getting you addicted to their junk and making you feel sluggish, tired and depressed. Over half of adults are now overweight. If you aren’t already conscious about eating healthy I don’t want to be overzealous about your diet; researching and committing to the perfect diet is a big change and many will fail if they try to plan too strictly. You don’t need to be perfect, but make changes in your life to eat healthily - think of how our ancestors ate: meat, vegetables, fruit, nuts. You do not need to overcomplicate it, a good rule of thumb is to eat whole, single ingredient foods. You do not need to look at the ingredients on a potato - it just contains a potato. You do not know the crap they put into McDonalds chicken nuggets, avoid them. Eat a variety of quality meats, vegetables, fruits, oats and nuts and you’ll feel the difference every day. Too skinny? Find out your maintenance calorie requirements and eat more than that. Combined with lifting weights you will grow muscle over time. If you’re struggling to eat it helps to drink calories in protein shakes, mixing in some calorie dense foods like peanut butter is an easy way to pack in some calories. Too fat? Find out your maintenance calorie requirements and eat less than that. Continue lifting weights and cardio and you will lose weight over time. If you’re struggling, cutting out some carbs is an easy way to minimise calorie intake - replace it with protein which helps you feel full for longer. Similar to lifting weights, it is important to track your weight changes over time - it will fluctuate over the short term but measuring it every day will give you a good idea of your progress over time, and whether you are indeed gaining or losing mass.

Going outside Movement keeps your body happy, sunlight makes your body happy through vitamin D synthesis. Seeing nature soothes you, fresh air rejuvenates you. There’s a reason “touch grass” has become a zoomer insult - permanently online people neglect their wellbeing by staying inside staring at screens all day. Find excuses to go outside, walk instead of driving. Spending your life cooped up in one place deprives your body of the things it craves so go outside every day, even if it’s just for a 20 minute walk. Experience nature as human beings evolved to live in, get away from modern urban environments for a while. One thing that significantly impacted my life was simply going outside for my morning tea every day. It's a soothing experience, calms the mind in preparation for the day and the natural light does wonders for waking you up and maintaining your circadian rhythm.

Bonus section: cold showers If you’re looking for a single activity that will create the most noticeable changes in the shortest amount of time, cold showers are probably the answer and I firmly believe everyone should take them. There is a huge buzz in the online self improvement world and for good reason, there are a huge number of benefits to cold exposure and many of them are experienced from the day you start. So here are some of those benefits: ● Completely wakes you up. your body will be jolted with a flood of endorphins and adrenaline which makes you feel fantastic, and the feeling will last hours after the shower ● Improves circulation. You will be invigorated by your body being forced to work hard to maintain its core temperature by pumping blood around your body, training your cardiovascular system. ● Strengthens your immune system. You will simply get sick less. Regular cold exposure increases the number of immune cells like white blood cells, lymphocytes and monocytes. ● Reduces stress/anxiety/depression. Studies show participants experience mental health issues far less when undergoing cold exposure. A stronger cardiovascular system and slower resting heart beat also makes you less stressed. ● Fat loss. Not only does cold showers burn calories by working your body hard to maintain your core temperatures, but it also induces the growth of brown fat in your body - this is different from the regular white fat we want to remove; healthy brown fat is used by the body to regulate temperature when subjected to the cold by burning calories. ● Increased mental strength, discipline and determination. The simple act of beginning your day by willingly choosing to undergo an uncomfortable challenge and succeeding really is a game changer when it comes to motivating yourself and setting you up for a productive day You can go down a rabbithole researching the benefits of cold exposure and there are many more than I have listed. I went down the same route when I discovered Wim Hof, also known as the iceman who holds multiple records with seemingly superhuman abilities he achieved by training a combination of cold exposure and breathing exercises. If you’re really struggling with cold showers, I find that the “James Bond” method makes things much easier, this is to start with a regular warm shower and after finishing bathing you turn the temperature completely to the cold setting, as cold as it will go and see how long you last. Do not return to warmth, always finish with the cold before you hop out. On my first day I only lasted 20 seconds though I felt great afterwards. I gradually built it up to around 3 5 minutes which is plenty to see the aforementioned benefits.

Stop doing the things that are MAKING YOU DEPRESSED You spend hours every day performing meaningless activities that are detrimental to your well being and happiness. Almost everybody does, though people don’t seem to realise just how damaging these activities are - we brainwash ourselves consuming propaganda articles, we devalue our perception of other humans with dating apps and porn, we destroy our focus with endless scrolling through quickly consumed media, we overload our

dopamine receptors by indulging in our addictions. These activities make us miserable in the long term and add no real value to our lives. It’s time to stop

Social media Social media is poisoning your mind. You spend hours scrolling through junk content, mindlessly consuming fake bullshit which reinforces algorithms designed to make you even more addicted so companies can make more money off you from advertising. Not only is it a massive time waste, you are damaging your brain by destroying your ability to focus by spamming your senses with short form content and the dopamine released makes you so addicted that it makes you nervous when you aren’t wired into the fake world. Large numbers of “friends” or “connections” trick you into thinking you’re socially involved when in reality you are not. Your internet followers are not real human connections and people generally only post the best portrayal of themselves, giving you a false perception that everyone is succeeding and being happy while you are inadequate, which instils feelings of jealousy and isolation. Do not sacrifice the chance to have real experiences and relationships while tricking your mind into thinking you’re part of some tribe on the internet that does not fulfil your human needs of connection and belonging. I’m not completely against social media - it can be used to stay in contact with friends, a place to store memories, or to be involved with hobby groups - this was the original intention of early social media outlets and there can be value in this, however most users nowadays are simply addicted to the manufactured clickbait content that bombards us everyday. If you do not use social media for any valuable reason and simply use it to pass the time you are far better off simply deleting your account and spending your time doing something productive instead.

News / politics The goal of news outlets is not to inform, it is a business like any other - the goal is to generate profit, and the best way to generate profit is by inciting outrage, hatred and division. Now nobody buys newspapers these companies have moved online, spewing out garbage clickbait articles to profit from your outrage. Similar to social media, anyone who spends a significant amount of time engaging in these articles will become bitter at the state of the world, full of hatred towards their political opponents and hopelessly pessimistic about the future. You don’t need to isolate yourself from current events, however you must understand the purpose of the news stories constantly churned out and largely ignore them. Focus on your own life. Politics is largely the same - you can and should form your own opinions on the world but becoming a zealous tribesmember of a particular brand of politics is like joining a cult, you will isolate yourself from other humans and become another hateful servant of an ideology to the detriment of your own well being. It is often easier to blame others for your own misfortune than it is to take responsibility, this is a surefire way to remain hopeless and weak - take control and responsibility for your own life, this will give you self respect and strength.

Dating apps Do not reduce yourself to be seen on these low quality cesspits. Quality men and women do not exist on these apps, your goal is to become one of them. Apps like tinder wreck your ability to meet and engage with the opposite sex healthily and the rejection

leaves you feeling unworthy and lowers your self respect. Men tend to use tinder out of loneliness and women tend to use tinder to gain validation and increase their instagram followers. Even if you’re great looking and manage to get regular matches it will only negatively affect your ability to have a stable relationship in the long term, and if you’re average or below you will crush your self esteem by the constant rejection. Believe me, once you gain the confidence to engage socially in person you will naturally meet people worth pursuing, but we will get to that. For now simply delete any dating apps you have, they are not worth your time and only serve to negatively affect your mental health.

Online relationships Similar to online dating, forsaking real relationships for online relationships will make you feel empty, isolated and lonely. If you truly have a deep and valuable relationship with somebody online and due to distance or circumstance cannot meet, then fine. However if you spend your time in online groups searching for connections amongst the degenerate masses then you need to end this behaviour. Hopping between anime discord servers is not giving you the real friendship and sense of community that you’re desperately trying to find. Your parasocial relationships with online streamers is not real, they are not adding value to your life and you are simply depriving yourself from real connections.

Dopamine addiction You sit there on your smartphone and you scroll, scroll and scroll. You’re addicted, your brain is hooked on these apps and you cannot stop. It isn’t even a joke, it’s you vs millions of nerd software developers - all these companies, youtube, snapchat, instagram, twitch, pornhub, every single detail of these applications are developed and optimised to keep you on the platform for as long as possible. The more time you spend, the more addicted you become and the more advertisements you see. You along with the vast majority of your friends and family are all afflicted with this disease - we dedicate so much time to these apps and become all consumed to the detriment of our lives. Youtube, porn, videogames, social media, netflix - you are overstimulating your mind so that you cannot relax and be content with yourself, you constantly need stimulation because you’re addicted. Screentime makes up the majority of your day, sitting there staring at pixels like a zombie instead of productive activities that will actually improve your life. You need to change your habits and learn some discipline - delete your accounts from these platforms, remove them from your bookmarks and learn to value your time.

No fap You’re probably addicted to pornography, it’s barely possible exist online without it being pushed onto us everywhere, and since our brains are wired to frantically seek out sexual stimulation it’s very easy to slip into the habit of overstimulating ourselves. Our sexual desires are one of the strongest motivators that compel us to do anything, and men everywhere are throwing away this motivation to porn rather than harnessing it’s power to go out into the world and seek natural stimulation as was the intended evolutionary reason. This has the devastating effect of turning us apathetic, uninterested, unmotivated and tired. I want you to see your sexual appetite as an energy that is extremely valuable to your drive, do not waste it by meaningless overstimulation. Self improvement gurus online often give the impression that you have stop masturbating at all costs. The benefits of doing so are completely true, but people often fall

into the trap of feeling shame when they give in, or compensating when they fail. Stopping cold turkey is very difficult and many will fail, so I believe the best way is to simply cut down if you masturbate 7 days a week start off by cutting it down to every other day. If you currently do it around twice a week, take it down to 1. Become more disciplined over time.

Start doing the things that make you FULFILLED So you have stopped doing a bunch of things that are making you depressed. Now what? How do you spend your free time if you’re not going to be a screen-binge zombie? The obvious answer is do things that make you fulfilled and happy - although what specifically that means may not be so obvious. The modern consumer falsely believes that short-term satisfaction is what brings happiness and fulfilment, but the true answer lies in long-term gratification. Relationships and your career are a big part of achieving fulfilment and will be covered in later chapters, for now you need to focus on fulfilling your own needs as a human. You need to take care of yourself in your day to day life - being productive, listening to your mind and deciphering what it’s telling you, setting goals and taking steps each day to meet those goals. There is a reason this chapter is not called “Start doing the things that make you HAPPY” - happiness comes and goes, it is not a constant state to strive for, you will only be disappointed. Happiness can come on a sunny day when you’re doing something you love with a friend, or as you’re winding down on a cozy winter night with a hot drink and a good book. Be grateful when it blesses you and understand that life has ups and downs, you will experience joy, you will suffer, you will not be constantly happy and anyone who pretends to be is lying or insane. The goal is becoming fulfilled so you can live a content and meaningful life while opening the door to happiness so it can bless you when the time is right and with increasing frequency.

Productivity Spend the vast majority of your free time undertaking productive tasks, things that improve your life no matter how big or small. This is what it means to take care of yourself, and taking care of yourself trains your mind into realising you are worth taking care of which is the key to self respect. Do productive things ESPECIALLY when you don’t want to - Every time you know in your heart that you should do a task but you don’t want to is a huge opportunity - when you perform a productive task when you don’t want to forces your brain to respect yourself, it tells you that you are someone who has responsibilities for oneself and carries them out. Acting is the precursor to believing - acting like you respect yourself MAKES YOU RESPECT YOURSELF You need to ask yourself honestly what tasks need to be undertaken. Look around your room, analyse your life - what could I do every day, every week, every month that would be taking care of myself and enriching my life? I will not list everything, the possibilities really are endless and some depend on your goals, but here are a few examples you should be doing: Cleaning There’s a reason why Jordan Peterson’s “Clean your room” advice had such a profound impact for such a simple statement. Cleaning your surroundings is respecting your

environment and ultimately yourself, setting things in order and removing chaos is a holy experience, even though it may seem insignificant. Organising your personal space is akin to organising your life. So do the dishes, wipe the surfaces, declutter your desk, make your bed, dust and vacuum the floors. Present your surroundings to yourself as you would for a guest of respect, for you are worthy of respect. Grooming Take pride in your appearance. Shower regularly, shave/trim your beard, style your hair, wear deodorant, cut your nails. I repeat: Treat yourself with respect and you will gain self respect. There’s many things you should be doing every day to respect your body and appearance, many will be discussed in the next chapter. Reading Reading is a thoroughly enjoyable experience, whether learning skills, reading self-help, classic novels, exciting fantasy - reading is a productive hobby in itself so enrich your vocabulary, get creative ideas, refresh your mind and improve your focus Learning a skill Improve yourself by progressing in your skills. Pick up a guitar, take a language lesson, learn to cook something new, learn something to progress your career, create art the possibilities are endless and a meaningful way to spend your time.

Treat yourself Act towards yourself in the same way you’d act towards a friend that you love, this can be applied by rewarding yourself with little luxuries. Gift to yourself like you love yourself, because you should love yourself. The conditions are you do so after you have performed productive tasks as a reward, to be mindful not to overindulge and how you treat yourself should also be something that is not harming yourself in the long term - so don’t say “I’ve cleaned my room, now I can play videogames for 3 hours” - that is self destructive behaviour. My favourite way to treat myself is simply to have a hot chocolate after I’ve ticked off my to-do list for the day, or making myself a hot water bottle on a cold winter's night. Be mindful of your gratitude when being nice to yourself and you will harbour self love.

Self reflection Self reflection is the ability to analyse your own life. It sounds pretty simple but in a world where we’re constantly bombarded with media and information it’s actually very easy to lose yourself. Take a step back and analyse your life like you are somebody you love what advice would you give that person in the same situation if they were in your position? Are there obvious needs they have that aren’t being met? How can you help them remedy those needs? Do you like yourself? There’s so many conversations to have with yourself. Treat yourself like you are your own best friend. If you get a craving for a vice, be it nicotine, to binge a TV show or to play videogames - ask yourself why you have these cravings, are you lacking something you could get elsewhere? Is there something better to do with your time? Examining your own life is a humbling experience and can often reveal things to you from your subconscious that you don’t consciously know already. Writing a journal Writing a journal is one of the best things I ever did for my own self reflection. I wrote down all my thoughts, opinions of myself, what I believed the best course of action was, my

worries, my hopes - the act of writing explores your own mind that is difficult to do otherwise. It also serves as a log of your progress and keeps you in touch with your past and future self. Writing a journal is a projection of your mind into the world and articulating your thoughts will help you to identify and understand your feelings. So buy a blank journal and spend some time every day writing down your thoughts, progress and emotions. There’s also some online platforms that make it super easy to save your entries and read from your past.

Setting goals Improving your day to day happiness lies in working towards goals. Taking a small step each day towards something is what gives our day to day lives meaning, and will give you the continuous short bursts of optimism and hope your mind requires. Similar to what was discussed in the exercise section, making noticeable small improvements towards your goals each day puts you in a positive feedback loop that motivates you to continue to perform productive tasks each day and to continue improving. “It’s about the journey, not the destination”. This is entirely true - if you could snap your fingers and have what you desired without any of the work you would remove any satisfaction from achieving it. Have you ever played a videogame and at some point decided to use cheats to get endgame content, unlimited in-game money or stats? If you have you’ll probably realise that by doing so depletes the game of any joy and it soon becomes very boring indeed. The same can be true by actually achieving goals - once you achieve something it soon becomes kind of empty now you have what you wanted. This doesn’t mean that having goals is worthless, it means that we always need goals and the meaning comes from working towards goals rather than simply achieving them. Once you meet a goal, set another. Short term goals Each day is a challenge in itself, and living a fulfilling life means completing productive tasks each day, even though some of them may seem mundane. Setting short term goals even for the time period of a day is a great and necessary way of conditioning ourselves to perform these productive tasks and ticking tasks off one by one gives ourselves the small feelings of motivation and achievement needed to continue to act productively. So each day write a list of stuff you need to do, no matter how big or small and you will find yourself motivated. You may already know the feeling of going to bed after doing nothing productive all day, you feel like a useless, empty slob. Avoid it by setting daily tasks and checking them off. So what should you write in your daily to-do list? Well obviously that depends on your own life and circumstances, but some examples would be breakfast, grocery shop, workout, cold shower, hike, laundry, make the bed, call mother, write journal entry, read, learn instrument, dinner. Remember productivity and to perform tasks that add value to your life. I will say that if you are particularly depressed you may want to start small, even acts like brushing your teeth, getting dressed and leaving the house are challenges that are worth writing down and ticking off. One of the best activities you can do is the following: imagine in 5 years time you are living your perfect life, how would a day in the life of your perfect life look? What are the individual activities that a day would consist of? Write them down, and simply start to live each current day performing these activities.

Long term goals Having long term goals and working towards them is what life’s all about and gives you a deeper sense of purpose and meaning. If you aren’t working towards anything and are just living day to day reacting to circumstance or indulging in pleasure you will have feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness, the nihilism and depression of the modern age will come creeping into your life. The answer is to find purpose - now this task in itself is hard enough, some (if not most) of us don’t naturally develop passions and lifelong missions as we age but you can create goals for yourself which have the same impact on your mental state, and just because your goal may not be some society changing feat it doesn’t mean the goal in itself is meaningless. Ask yourself “what do you want to achieve”, “what do you want to improve on?”, “where do you want to be in life”. Write down what you discover about your long term ambitions and from there you can start living each day towards achieving these goals. “I still don’t know what my goals should be” Remember you don’t need to change the world and you don’t even need to be accurate to start with - when you start working towards long term goals you will often realise the goal you had set is no longer what you desire, so you adjust your goal accordingly. Over time this goal changes and becomes more and more defined. Continue to ask yourself questions and see what answers you come up with - “Where do I want to be” “What do I want to be doing” “What peaks my interest”. If you’re still struggling, start broad and over time you can narrow in. Here’s some examples of long term goals ranging in their specificity and difficulty: Become a better friend Get a job as a software developer Own my own house Learn german Improve my fitness Get a girlfriend Write a novel Quit cigarettes Get out of bed before 7am every day “But I’ll never achieve my dreams” Rome wasn’t built in a day, and as discussed the act of working towards a goal is noble and meaningful in itself. Reaping the benefits of setting goals isn’t just achieving in itself, but the act of working towards something. Your long term goals will change over time and you will sometimes fail, there is value in both and is part of life and learning.

Mindfulness Mind wandering is when your thoughts drift away from the topic at hand. This is extremely common and can happen every few seconds, it is one of the biggest problems of your life that you may not have even realised yet. It can be doing school work and you start thinking of videogames, it can be trying to get to sleep and you keep reliving arguments or imagining confrontations, it can be sitting in a social environment with friends and your mind is absorbed within itself stressing over how you’re being perceived rather than enjoying the

moment. The current state of media, internet usage and addictions has devastated our abilities to be mindful and present in the moment, which often prevents us from focusing on the situation at hand and even prevents us from enjoying what usually would be an enjoyable experience. Even if you’re mind wandering to a pleasant thought you’re actually damaging your experiences in the long term by not being able to be present. The remedy to mind wandering is mindfulness - when your focus is on the present moment. This isn’t a complete cure; you will never completely prevent your mind from wandering to other thoughts, however you will be able to vastly improve your mindfulness which in turn will allow you to focus on productive tasks, to be grateful when experiencing joyful moments and to diminish anxiety by experiencing the environment and external input rather than being focused on internal negative thoughts. So how do you train and improve mindfulness? The answer is in meditation Meditation Meditation was something I was highly sceptical of before I understood the goal of it, looking at blogs and articles on the internet people give a plethora of reasons as to why they meditate - “to deal with stress” “to calm down” “to feel spiritual connection to the universe”, I was initially not interested due to the hippy themes and pretentious people surrounding it. This was before I understood mindfulness and the goal of mindfulness meditation, which is simply to train your mind to be present. It is not just a relaxation exercise, it is an exercise of focus and attention. Set meditation on your daily task list as something to do, I started meditating for 3 minutes before bedtime but when I noticed my ability to focus started to improve, to be present and to enjoy experiences I made a conscious effort to increase the time I meditate each day. So how do you meditate? It’s actually quite simple. Sit in a comfortable position and set your focus on something, your breathing is a great example. Focus on breathing in and out again and keep your thoughts locked on your breath. After some seconds you will realise your mind has drifted to something else, a noise outside, perhaps wondering how much time has passed, something that happened earlier - when this happens you realise your mind has wandered and simply bring your thoughts and focus back to your breathing. Congratulations, you now know how to meditate. Some people think that mind wandering means failure at meditation - it does not. Each time your mind wanders, think of it like you would a rep during an exercise: Every time your mind wanders and you focus your thoughts back to your breathing you are performing one rep and training your mind to be present. Continue doing this for a session and you are improving your mindfulness.

Gratitude Seeking happiness itself can make you less happy because chasing it reinforces the notion that you are not already happy - pursuing something that constantly reminds you it’s not already in your grasp. The inverse of this is gratitude, and if there is a key to happiness this would be it. Gratitude is a game changer and really is the door to joy. Have you ever progressed in a goal, obtained something you aimed for only to long for the next step up and experience no sense of achievement? You need gratitude my friend. I remember when I first started working and saving money I thought “Wow, if I keep saving this amount every month I’ll have 5k in my bank account in no time!” And sure enough it came. And then 10k came, then 20. As I continued my financial journey, years of saving and investing I eventually hit 50k net worth, I thought the milestone was cool for a day, and soon

enough my sights were set on the next milestone. I realised that I felt no additional joy or sense of achievement from hitting 100k than I had when I scraped together my first 5 thousand. This is not to say that goals and progress are not valuable - they really are. The lesson I learned is that they do not bring any happiness in themselves, what does is the ability to be thankful for what you have, no matter how big or small it is. How to cultivate gratitude Gratitude is a skill to be learned, and by practising it you experience it more frequently. To begin with you need to consciously be grateful and soon enough you will experience it naturally from your experiences. If you are writing a journal which I strongly recommend, have a section for gratitude. Every day write down a few things you’re grateful for and why, it doesn’t need to be grand or a long entry, just write it down. It could be gratitude towards your friends, your life, your hamster, your bookmark, anything. Each time you put it to paper you train yourself to experience the feeling and soon enough will start noticing in your day to day life you stop and think to yourself “I’m grateful for this”. I bought a dedicated gratitude journal for my entries and looking back on the first page I’ve written “I am grateful for this pen, with it I can record my thanks”. I thought it sounded silly at the time but I’m even more thankful for that pen now.

Looksmaxxing

The reality is the way you present yourself is extremely important. Everybody judges everyone else by looks, and that is completely normal. We have evolved to do so because the way someone looks is evidence of their lifestyle, health, sexual suitability, hygiene and habits. You can tell yourself judging others by appearance is shallow and unfair, but life is unfair - this is the reality of the world and you are guilty of doing the same to others. When you take care of yourself you will gain respect from everyone - men, women and yourself, it isn’t just about attracting the opposite sex. Understand it, and realise that complaining about the features that either God or your genes have given you is just a coping mechanism that will only serve to make you bitter. The way forward is accepting these facts and working towards improving your appearance in the aspects that you can make changes in, no matter

how badly you think you have it to start with. “But I’m just ugly and always will be” tough. You are still obligated to do everything you can to improve yourself for your own sake, and the good news is that even the ugliest man can become muscular, healthy, well groomed and self respecting enough to get a good woman, just as any healthy, well groomed and self respecting woman can find a decent male companion. Outside of gaining the respect of others, the most important thing is respecting yourself and improving your looks will grant you confidence that translates to all other areas of self improvement.

Working out I have mentioned working out in the mental health section because exercise is a core feature of fixing your mental health which is a priority, and furthermore if you ONLY work out to look better you often find unmotivated due to lack of quick results. However in terms of looking better, gaining a good physique with noticeable muscles and low body fat is the single biggest thing you can do to gain attractiveness. Even if you have been cursed in the facial looks department, having a strong body more than makes up for it. This will take time, there will be setbacks but since you’re working out to improve your mental health and confidence the attraction gains will arrive in time and boy is it a confidence booster when family and friends start to notice. Ensure you stick to the principles of eating well to not throw away your work and the time will pass before you know it, suddenly you will be admiring yourself in the mirror and feeling great.

Hygiene Being dirty and smelly is repulsive. Being clean, smelling nice and maintaining your body is attractive. Furthermore we are subconsciously judging ourselves even if we don’t go out for the day - if you take pride in maintaining your hygiene you will respect yourself more. So shower every day (preferably with cold water), taking particular care to thoroughly cleanse typically dirty/sweaty areas like armpits, your balls and ass. Cut your nails, trim your nose hairs, body hair and for God sake brush your teeth at least twice a day, floss and use a scraper to get rid of the bacteria on your tongue. If your teeth are bad and you’ve been putting it off due to fear or apathy just fucking see your dentist, your teeth are very important to your looks and you need to sort it out.

Skincare You want smooth, healthy, hydrated skin. Skincare is a huge industry with thousands of products so it’s confusing what you should actually be using, but it’s actually pretty simple. You do not need to fork out much money, most products on the market use the same studies to justify their ingredients, the only difference is marketing. Follow the basic principles. Use a moisturiser every day The skin acts as a barrier to external irritants and allergens and locks in moisture. If our skin loses moisture and gets dry and cracked that barrier gets weakened which means inflamed, red itchy skin and may even get infectious. Think of the skin as a brick and mortar system, the moisture acts as the mortar which holds it all together so it’s crucial to keep it maintained to keep your skin smooth, healthy and appealing to the touch. In terms of what product to get, look into big skincare companies like Ceravie, Neutrogena and Eurcerin, mainly because these are big companies that have the budgets to do lots of research and have the reputation to disincentivize sketchy products. I personally

use Cerave, and remember to not pay any more than $30 for any skincare product, beyond that you’re just paying for fluff and marketing. Use sunscreen whenever you’re outside in sunlight The sun is constantly bombarding us with UV radiation that mutates the DNA in our skin cells. In the long term, the more UV light we are exposed to without protection the more we get wrinkles and dark spots from that mutation and can lead to skin cancer so If you go out into the sun make sure to wear sunscreen. When it comes to which product to purchase, remember to stick to big reputable companies and the only thing you really need to consider is if the SPF protection is high enough. The actual SPF number refers to how much longer it would take for the sun to make your skin go red with the product applied compared to without, so in theory if it would normally take one hour for your skin to go red, wearing SPF 15 it would take 15 hours to have the same damage. But it isn’t quite so simple, we don’t actually need to burn to cause damage to the skin and furthermore the SPF is calculated from a pretty thick layer on the skin which isn’t how people usually use it. The bottom line is to not go below SPF 30 Use a cleanser in the shower Water is pretty good at removing debris, but a good cleanser will remove some of the unwanted oils and sweat on your skin that remain. It’s recommended to use a hydrating cleanser that doesn’t also strip all of the good natural oils on your face and also works to keep your skin barrier intact, locking in moisture to keep your skin nice and fresh. Stick to the principles of buying from reputable companies, you don’t need to overdo it. Avoid hot showers I get it, hot showers are lovely and relaxing. You’re also destroying your skin by burning the outer layer and stripping away the natural oils that lock in moisture, causing you to get dry, flakey skin. I have already mentioned the huge benefits of cold showers and highly recommend you get into the habit, but at the very least do not use scalding hot water and make sure it’s only warm as a maximum. (But seriously, after your warm shower switch it to cold and reap the benefits)

Hairstyle and facial hair It’s astonishing how a good haircut improves your appearance and it’s completely worth it to fork out a little extra month for a quality barber, though you needn’t spend hundreds. The main struggle is knowing what to ask for when you’re sitting in the barber’s chair, and it’s completely fine to ask a hairdresser for his opinion on what would suit you, though it’s always an option to go with the tried and tested short back and sides. When it comes to trying different styles, the main thing to understand is to identify your face shape and understand how certain hairstyles work with different shapes, where some are more suited than others. Here’s some quick tips on which styles are suited for different face shapes: Oval: Oval face shapes are pretty well proportioned and will generally match a large range of different hairstyles and lengths so feel free to experiment, whether that be a common quiff, buzz cuts or even full on shoulder length styles. Pick whatever you fancy and see how it works out Square:

Congratulations, you have been blessed with the most conventionally attractive face shape. This face shape also gives the freedom to experiment with whatever hairstyle you fancy, though it is worth choosing styles that emphasise your nice square jaw such as an undercut or other styles with side parts. Heart: You want to balance out the larger top part of your face with your chin so keep your hair proportionate to these features, making sure that the chin doesn’t appear too narrow. A good fringe or quiff may help. Round: Your hairstyle should be used to create angles since round faces naturally lack them. To make your features appear elongated try having longer hair on top with shorter sides, a quiff is a good option, while side parts can also help to create angles to your face. Diamond: Side parts work pretty well to complete the facial features of a diamond face, a fringe can help to balance out the wider sections of your cheeks. Oblong: You do not need to further lengthen the appearance of your face so avoid pompadours or large quiffs. You’re free to choose from a range of balanced hairstyles such as side parts, slicked back or even long hairstyles, feel free to experiment. Facial hair The first thing to say about facial hair is if your beard is patchy and weak you are FAR better off simply shaving it off. If you’re younger than 25 you can simply wait a few years and try again, and if it’s not in your genes to have a decent beard then just accept it and move on. The other thing to consider with beards is how well developed your jaw is; if you have a strong jaw it is recommended to be clean shaven or light stubble to show off your strong features. If you have an average or weak jaw then a beard can do wonders masking your weaknesses and asymmetries, making it seem wider than it is. I would say that a full viking unkept beard is generally not recommended, you still want to be trimmed and well maintained taking particular care to remove the neckbeard and keeping the sides shorter to emphasise angles.

Posture Like other aspects of your looks, posture signals to the world what kind of person you are. Someone with poor posture with slumped, forward shoulders and a hunched back shows that you are defensive, anxious and insular. On the contrary, having your shoulders back, chest puffed out and head raised you are showing the world you are open, confident and willing to take on adversity. Not only does it grant the appearance of confidence, but it actually grants you confidence mentally in the way you interact with the world. Aligning your body correctly gives you a broader frame and height and is important to be mindful of your position, and to train yourself to naturally carry yourself with good posture. Good posture when standing ● Chin parallel to the floor ● Ears above your shoulders - your head should not be pointing forward ● Shoulders back and relaxed ● Neutral spine ● Even hips and knees

● ●

Abs should be engaged Equal body weight above both legs

Good posture when sitting ● Chin parallel to the floor ● Shoulders, hips and knees should all stay at even heights ● Knees and feet pointing straight ahead ● Not crossing legs ● Make sure your back is fully supported, sit all the way back and consider a lumber support for your lower back ● Keep your feet flat on the floor, using a footrest if needed This is a lot to remember so if you’ve spent years cultivating a bad posture it can be difficult to consciously correct. Here’s some tips to help you out: ● When standing, imagine a piece of string coming from the top of your head, attached to the spine. Imagine the string extends to the ceiling, and act out how your body would straighten as you’re drawn to the ceiling ● Don’t be still for long periods. Whether standing or sitting, make sure you move your body regularly, stretch, do some paces back and forth every now and then ● Try keeping more weight on the balls of your feet rather than your heels Anterior pelvic tilt There are multiple conditions related to posture, this is not a physiotherapy book so I will not list them all, however I must specifically mention anterior pelvic tilt since many reading this will have it. This has risen to prominence due to everyone spending longer sitting down all day which leads to certain imbalances that cause this condition, it manifests itself by an arched lower back leading to the sticking out of the belly and butt and can also be accompanied by a hunched upper back and a neck that leans forward. Sitting down all day leads to underdeveloped abs, glutes and hamstrings and since your thighs are brought up sitting this leads to a shortening of the hip flexors, leading to tightness. These combined lead to the pelvis tilting forwards. You can tell you have this by simply standing sideways to a mirror and looking at your posture and checking out if your back is arched with a prominent belly/ass sticking out. I’d recommend comparing your natural posture to online images of APT to get a sense if you have this, and there is also a test where if you lay on a bed or bench, letting one leg hang off the end and bringing the other knee to your chest. If the leg dangling on the floor is brought up when the other is raised to the chest it can be an indicator of anterior pelvic tilt. The way to fix APT will take some time, and the gist is you need to strengthen the weakened muscles while stretching the areas that are tight. Stretch the hip flexors and lower back by stretching exercises daily, look into the butterfly stretch, resting squats, quad stretches and lunges Strengthen the abs, glutes and hamstrings by incorporating exercises into your workout regimen by including movements such as squats, deadlifts, glute raises, planks and crunches

Mewing The word Mewing comes from the doctor John Mew who developed the techniques, they refer to a series of exercises focused on strengthening and fixing the posture of the jaw

which can make a huge difference in the appearance of the face. Some argue the effectiveness of mewing is unproven, but at the very least it stops you from being a mouth breather which can also fix issues such as speech disorders, sleep apnea, breathing and swallowing problems as well as sinus blockages. Breathing through the mouth is also unhealthy - your nose plays a part in heating up air before it’s taken into the lungs as well as filtering for microbes and viruses. How to Mew ● Keep the mouth closed and the teeth gently touching ● Move your tongue to the roof of your mouth and lightly apply pressure ● Make sure it isn’t just the tip of your tongue, you want the majority surface area of your tongue pressed to the whole roof of your mouth ● Maintain this posture as much as you possibly can, ideally all the time If you’re struggling to understand the concept you should research and look into videos describing the technique and benefits therein. I would also recommend using one of the many apps to record your sleep - you may find that you breathe through your mouth at night which can lead to poor facial posture as well as dry throat and snoring - I find that taping your mouth shut at night can remedy this for which you need special micropore tape, otherwise you can damage your skin. Do not fear being unable to breath, you only need a small strip from your top lip to the bottom to encourage your unconscious self to breath through the nose, and you should be able to easily break the tape off by opening your mouth if you somehow do find yourself unable to breath through the nose. Chewing gum Another reason jaws have decreased in size in the modern era is due to the food we eat - in the past we ate solid, chewy food whereas today foods tend to be soft which leads to underdeveloped jaws from lack of chewing. An easy way to remedy this is by chewing gum, by training the jaw you increase the strength and size of the masseter muscle at the sides of the jaw, leading to a more square looking shape. I recommend harder types of gum such as Mastic or Falim gum. Training your jaw muscles is the same as any other muscle - it will take time, but make it a habit to chew gum often, an hour or more a day and within a few months you will see visual progress to your facial aesthetics.

Fashion Don’t be intimidated by fashion, you don’t need to be ultra edgy and stand out with bold, bright outfits - although if you want to go ahead. The clothes you wear are another factor in how you express yourself to the world, so feel free to experiment. What you wear can make big differences to how you appear to others, and even elevates your own confidence. I’m not going to tell you what styles you should wear, but there is some basic principles you should probably be following: Wear clothes that fit Honestly, 80% of coming across as knowing how to dress is achieved simply by wearing clothes that fit, and most people don’t take the time to find these. Some bigger guys make the mistake of buying baggier clothing to try and hide their size, but it doesn’t fool anyone and wearing fitting clothing would actually be much more slimming. The same applies to slimmer guys, wearing baggier clothing emphasises how thin you are and makes you look infantile. When shopping for clothes always try them on before mindlessly buying

clothes you think will fit, they often don’t. Don’t be afraid to take clothes to the tailor if they could use adjustments to match your physique, it is really worth it. What colors work for you? An outfit should have flattering colors that compliment and not clash, as well as not having conflicting patterns. You can experiment with different colors and patterns but overdo it and it will probably just look silly. I’m not going to delve into all the different styles from casual to formal since different styles work for different people, you should pick your own look. Look out for some individuals you think look good and try to emulate them, though don’t be too bombastic and come across as a tryhard - I find that subtle style goes a long way.

Career / Finance

Having a job is important: You need income to survive, an occupation to occupy your time, it gives you status, adds your sense of purpose and pride, ties into your goals to give you a sense of achievement and is a great place to socialise and meet people. Living without providing a service to society will instil feelings of worthlessness. I’m not going to tell you that you need to become a big time CEO or uber high paid worker, even a shelf stacking job is a worthwhile place to start - you need to do something. Even if you don’t need to work - those lucky enough to have received a large inheritance, won the lottery or made it big off crypto still should have occupations for the aforementioned benefits. Wherever you are in life, whether still studying, in a job you hate, unemployed, or even in a job you like - use your now increasing skills in self reflection to ask questions to yourself: “What industry would I enjoy working in?” “Is my current job worthwhile?” “What steps do I need to take to escape unemployment” “Would I be better off trying something new” “What grades do I need to achieve to get my first job in this industry”. This chapter is the hardest to articulate since each person's idea of what a fulfilling occupation is varies so wildly; one’s ideal life is to become a wallstreet fund manager, anothers may be to become a full time content creator, anothers may be to live a simple life working at a gas station while they find fulfilment from their family and hobbies… So obviously I cannot speak for your exact situation and certain sections for you may be completely irrelevant. You need to be honest with yourself and what you desire.

Figuring out what you want to do Let me repeat: you do not need to become a hotshot workaholic, though if you do that’s great. Your career should aid towards living a fulfilling life, money is important and an obvious aspect when choosing a career, but it is not the most important. If you can see yourself living a fulfilling life as a waste collector, try it! Everyone is unique in their interests, capabilities, temperament and ambition so I cannot give any specifics on jobs you should strive for, though there are some obvious elements that will generally make certain jobs more fulfilling for most people. Here are some of those:

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Sufficient salary to suit your lifestyle Work that actually interests you Recognition of achievements Matches your skills and talents Constant engagement, challenging Path for growth Tangibly benefits people/society Accommodates your schedule

Do not be swayed by what society, your family or your peers say about any particular career you’re interested in - it is your life and your decision. Let’s go back to the waste collector example: Getting outside, not being stuck in an office or staying in the same place every day, movement and getting exercise, providing a tangible service, friendly social interaction with your community and the comradery of working in a team. From a fulfilment point of view this sounds like a dream job and aligns with many points mentioned in chapter 1 of how to avoid depression and find joy. Now this may not be for you, perhaps you need to be stimulated more intellectually and enjoy problem solving and would be suited for something else, my point is you need to ask within yourself what would be a fulfilling job, and from there ask yourself and find out what actual steps you need to take in order to achieve your chosen career path “I still have no idea what to do, nothing appeals to me!” Then you need to try things out. It’s completely normal to not have an obvious calling in life crying out for you, you simply need to go forth and try something. What interests you even a little? What are you good at? Where could you start? Similar to goal setting, sometimes it’s not obvious what your long term career plan is, so aim for something and as you make steps towards it you may realise somewhere down the line that actually you’d rather be doing something slightly different. You may even realise what you thought was a path you’d enjoy is completely not for you. This is great, you have learned something new about yourself, even knowing what isn’t right for you is valuable insight and should be used to further guide yourself. So try things out, research different paths, talk to people, gain experiences, apply for some positions - you’ll be making progress, facing challenges and learning about the world and yourself.

Still in education? You may have heard that school is worthless, have read about how Elon Musk, Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs and a variety of hyper successful people all flunked school yet went on to become successful, thereby showing education is worthless. Firstly these are false clickbait myths which help failed people cope with mediocrity, and secondly even though it’s possible to succeed after dropping out it doesn’t mean you should. Your time in education moulds you into who you become so give yourself a huge headstart and work hard. Become conscientious, take pride in your assignments, learn all that you can and gain all the academic, social and practical skills that you can - it’s the best environment for picking these up and once you’ve picked up these habits they will aid you for life. I actually agree that much of the education systems of western countries is worthless indoctrination, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are given a stable environment to learn, socialise and build your personality and skills. Use it to your advantage - if you act like a loser in school you will naturally become a loser outside of school, this happened to me and it is much harder to kick away bad habits as you age.

Self employed / Freelance If you’re determined to escape the rat race by working for yourself, creating a business, becoming a content creator or other freelance work more power to you - in fact even those who are employed I would highly recommend trying to start businesses, side hustles and other money making schemes. Doing so is a fantastic way to learn skills and to spend your time productively and is a great outlet to nurture creative and innovative thinking. Like any other worthwhile journey you will fail sometimes, so just remember this is part of life and is a necessary part of learning and progression. I’m not able to spell out exactly what venture you should attempt since it’s completely dependent on your own skills, personality, temperament and desires - though here are some tips and examples to get your creative juices flowing: Convert your existing job into a self employed business Make money on the side by getting clients and gradually building your customer base to eventually grow into a business. IT support, accountant, financial advice, web development etc. Make use of the internet and the huge pool of potential customers You can create content with the potential to have thousands if not millions of impressions, place ads to get traffic to your product, use existing services with built in customers such as Etsy, Amazon, Fiverr, Udemy - the possibilities really are endless. Leverage your existing skills and passions Enjoy skateboarding? Why not record some clips and put them on Youtube, Instagram or Tiktok. What if you’re into fantasy novels? Write a review blog or do some video essays on youtube. Using your existing passions and skills is a great entry to create something to put out into the world, you will learn and if you get it right you will attract an audience/customers. Find a niche If something is popular the market will likely be saturated with others doing the same thing, so find a niche. Going back to the skateboard example, sure there are thousands of people uploading skateboarding content on the internet. So try something new - what if you recorded POV GoPro skateboard cruises through major international cities to the backing soundtrack of jazz music? Hell I don’t know, but try shit out. Be interesting, have fun.

Progressing in your career So you are working in a job within an industry you want to go further in. How do you do it? The process is actually very simple, though takes effort to put into practice. The simple steps I have used is the following: 1. Become valuable to your company by adopting an increasing number of responsibilities over time, and becoming efficient at carrying out the tasks therein 2. Be willing to leave if you aren’t getting the deal you desire 3. Have your managers and/or other higher ups understand your position in steps 1 and 2 That’s the simple process I have used, and it has served me well. Far too many people become complacent and content in their current position and never strive to go further, which will eventually turn into becoming bored and ultimately hating their mundane positions. Strive

to progress and follow the 3 steps, it’s quite simple when you think about it - let’s break it down: Become valuable to your company by adopting an increasing number of responsibilities overtime, and becoming efficient at carrying out the tasks therein The reason you have a job at all is because your company needs someone in your position to carry out certain tasks. The simpler the task is, the easier it is to simply hire someone else if they don’t like you or wish to pay someone cheaper. To gain value means it becomes harder and harder for them to hire someone else, since a new hire won’t be as efficient or won’t have the skills you do, and if you have adopted further responsibilities the prospect of them finding another candidate shrinks, not to mention the resources in having to train them up will cost your company dearly. When this happens, it becomes in their interest to prevent you from leaving, meaning they will bend further to accommodate what you desire, be it a promotion, pay rises, more holiday, seniority, other benefits. Be willing to leave if you aren’t getting the deal you desire How your company acts is not in your control. Even if you are a fantastic worker, have adopted responsibilities and are highly efficient at carrying out your role, perhaps the company doesn’t realise, or management is incompetent, or they simply may not have the resources to grant you what you wish. That’s life - and it’s time to move on. If you really are skilled, other companies will jump at the prospect of hiring you, and job hopping is actually a fantastic way of increasing your salary/position regardless. Hell, even if you don’t wish to leave your current job doing interviews to understand what the market is able to pay you is worth doing in itself, you may be able to get a much better deal and not even realise it. So be willing to leave if you aren’t getting what you want. Have your managers and/or higher ups understand your position in steps 1 and 2 For this process to be successful you need to be visible. You need your company to first witness and understand that you are providing a valuable service to their business, and if you are to receive promotions and pay rises you also need them to understand that you would be willing to leave if they don’t pay you high enough or provide prospects of advancing your career. You have to be tactful about doing this, do not threaten in a hostile way - be polite in your demeanour. You mostly don’t even need to explicitly say you are thinking about leaving, sometimes that can be detrimental since they see you as someone destined to leave at the first chance. But if it comes down to it and you’ve decided you deserve a pay rise, sometimes it calls for a polite ultimatum, and being willing to leave is a good trump card to have in your arsenal as long as you actually are willing to leave. If you demand a raise/promotion or you will leave and they say no, staying at that company makes you weak in both your mind and in your negotiating position. This scenario is the best time to have another job lined up, having two companies competing for your employment is probably the best way for big jumps in your salary and is a good prompt to ask for a raise, that another company has offered you more and whether your manager can match/beat the other offer.

Personal finance / investing Mindset towards money The standard of personal finance knowledge in the world is devastatingly bad. It is completely normal for people to spend all of their income and not save at all, this is largely down to our consumerist culture where we are constantly pounded by media and advertisements into believing the ideal lifestyle is that of a consumer; having expensive cars,

clothing, TVs, staying in swanky hotels and paying multiple subscription services for bullshit media. We are led to believe that spending money translates into happiness, this is not true if you have taken anything into account from the first chapter of this book you will understand that happiness and fulfilment comes from within ourselves by being productive, achieving goals, forming close relationships, experiences and having gratitude - while consumerist tendencies such as the constant, mindless consuming of media and engaging in addictive short term dopamine rushes do the opposite and make us depressed. Most people have mental barriers to money that prevents them from being wealthy, if you showed a suitcase with $10,000 to someone their eyes would light up and their imagination would go wild picturing all the things they could buy with the money: Expensive cocktails on luxury beach resorts, a down payment on a fancy car they can’t afford, designer clothing they feel gives them status. They have an emotional attachment to the materialist lifestyle that some money could grant them rather than seeing money for the simple commodity that it is. So what’s the point in earning money and building wealth if consuming is bad? The answer is freedom. Having wealth means you can live on your own terms, with enough resources you can choose where in the world you live, you are not forced to work a job you dislike, you can afford to take time off for yourself as you please, you are not forced into being enslaved to working until you are in your old age, you can change careers without facing financial ruin. Money grants opportunity, to be wealthy is to have freedom. These things are extremely important so it is important that you utilise money for these reasons rather than falling into the trap that most people in the western world do and simply use your income to consume products that we’ve been tricked into believing make us fulfilled. I recall a conversation I had with a friend after he complained about not having the lump sum required for a mortgage on the house he wanted. Since he spent a large amount on takeouts every day, had multiple TV subscriptions and kept up to date with the latest iPhone models, I gave the seemingly obvious advice to cut back spending on these habits and told him I was able to save half my income into investments for building long term wealth. He became agitated and said “What’s the point in working a job if you aren’t going to use your money?” This was baffling to me, but I eventually realised how backwards most people's mindsets are towards wealth is; they view money spent on products as being utilised fully, and money saved/invested as depriving themselves from their income. The opposite is true - wasting your money on material consumption is depriving yourself from your earnings. If you work for a month then spend all your earnings you are no better off from when you started; you have essentially traded a month of your life for nothing. Tragically, people cannot comprehend this and will happily piss away years of their lives for free.

Spending Once you understand that spending money the way most people do doesn’t bring fulfilment or happiness it’s relatively easy to cut back on spending, for all your outgoings ask yourself if it’s necessary or adding value to your life. Chances are you overpaying for latest phones, high end tech equipment you don’t need, perhaps you’re spending a fortune on a financed car, multiple TV subscriptions, ordering takeout food multiple times a week, ask yourself honestly whether you could do without something (and often the things we spend money on are actually making our lives worse). The only normie spending habit worth maintaining is spending on experiences going to events, travelling to different places, activities with friends, though be wise about doing it. Is spending a grand on a luxury holiday resort really going to give you that much

more enjoyment than getting an average airbnb in the same country? The amount spent does not correlate to the joy of the experience, remember this. Once you have freed up a nice percentage of your income you can allocate it productively towards building wealth. Spend your money on your future self: investing in taking courses/buying books to learn skills and expand your knowledge, experiences and travel or building a business. Be mindful and ask yourself how you could allocate your capital to actually progress towards your goals, and once you are able to save a reasonable chunk of money each month you can begin investing into income generating assets.

Investing As the finance youtubers say, I am not a financial adviser and what I say here cannot be taken as financial advice. Investing is a huge topic and many spend their lives researching the art - I have developed my own knowledge on the matter and will explain what has best served me personally. When you first consider investing you may be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information, products and buzzwords, but if you stick to the basic principles it’s actually quite a simple endeavour. Generally, equities provide the best long term return on your money, but are also more volatile over bonds and commodities. Those that try to trade short term find that it’s very easy to lose money, so holding long term equities positions is generally the best bet for building long term wealth. While you can spend time researching and decide to invest into other assets such as bonds, precious metals, oil and property, equities have historically outperformed these (yes even property) over the long term. Diversification is also crucial, do not hedge your bets on one or even a handful of companies where you risk losing everything if a company goes bust. I have found that the best way to invest is also the easiest, simply buy into a low fee global market index fund every month without fail, and to never sell. The idea is once you have enough wealth allocated into your investments you can withdraw a small percentage to live off while never touching the principal. When you can do this sustainably you have achieved financial freedom and never will have to depend on any particular job to survive. I recommend looking into the FIRE movement - Financial Independance, Retire Early. As I have stated, meaningful work is a factor of bringing you life fulfilment so I do not recommend setting your goal to retire to do no work again - but financial independence in order to give you the freedom to work on whatever productive goals/careers you desire and provide for your loved ones without having to worry about income. Crypto? I have personally used cryptocurrencies to make profit, but you have to understand how volatile they are and come up with a reasonable strategy before throwing your money into the game. For one, understand that the vast majority of crypto coins are scams. During the 2017 bull market I made money diversifying into multiple different coins thinking I was a genius, then later learned that if I had simply held Bitcoin I would have been far better off. Since then I have only bought and held Bitcoin and Ethereum, selling a percentage each time the price hits a desired sell target, in my case I would sell 20% of my Bitcoin position at 10k, 20k, 30k, and 50k. At the time of writing the crypto is in a bear market, but my plan will continue - I will sell 20% of my position if the price hits 75k, 100k, 150k, 200k and beyond. Will it hit these prices? Who knows, perhaps when you read this Bitcoin is at 500k and I will be very wealthy, or it has crashed to nothing and I will have been glad to have made profit while it lasted. I would never allocate a majority percentage of my net worth to crypto due to its volatility and (perhaps small) chance of completely dying, though I would say the younger

you are the easier it is to have a higher risk appetite. If you decide to have money in crypto you must understand the volatility - it is completely normal for bitcoin to crash in price. In fact during years where crypto is extremely bullish and blasts to the moon it also crashes in price over 50% multiple times within the same year. You must have a strategy in place and to not become emotionally tied to your investments. As a rule of thumb, the longer your investing timeframe the more likely you are to make money.

The braindead guide for personal finance Need to be spoonfed on how to handle your money? Follow these steps: 1. Track your monthly spending into a budget, noting all outgoings. Evaluate your habits and cut back on wasteful spending on things you know do not add value to your life. Consider your living situation, could you make changes to massively reduce costs? 2. Create an emergency cash fund of between 3 to 6 months of your monthly expenditure to be used in emergencies such as losing your job, an unexpected health bill or other unforeseen expenditure. Keep it separated from your checking/current account 3. If you have debts, use any disposable income to pay these off every month until you are debt free 4. Think about your short term goals - do you need cash coming up in the future? Are you saving for a mortgage deposit? Do you need cash for driving lessons or to channel into a business venture? Think about whether you need to set cash aside before you start investing in financial assets 5. Consider spending disposable income on increasing your earning power: learning skills, taking courses, getting certified, etc 6. Invest disposable income on wealth building assets such as a global market index funds 7. Consider allocating a smaller percentage of disposable income on higher risk assets such as cryptocurrencies 8. Track your networth in a spreadsheet with a graph. Like all progression, being able to see your gradual progress gives you valuable motivation and a sense of achievement to your increasing empire

Relationships

You may think you’re a “sigma lone wolf” but the truth is this is just cope for loneliness. We have evolved to exist within tribes and you must find your tribe. Loneliness is one of the biggest tragedies in the modern era - our way of living has completely changed from one of community to one of living alone, encouraged by trading social activities for staying inside, gaining a false sense of community through fake social media connections and other depraved online communities. Gaining a fulfilled lifestyle will always involve being part of some sort of real life community such as hobby groups or close friendship circles.

Becoming social You may think you’re either naturally sociable or not, however the truth is that social skills are learnable like any other and it isn’t as daunting as you might expect. You aren’t expected to read about social skills and then something suddenly clicks and you’re instantly extroverted - you make small steps and steadily progress, similar to learning all other skills. Charisma is honestly the most important skill a human can possess that will lead to fulfilment and success, and for me personally it was my worst trait. To tell you the truth, everything I learned about becoming charismatic and social was by building on skills learnt from the timeless self help book “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie and I highly recommend popping to the book store or at least researching the principles online. I will give a run down of the advice I have learnt from this book and tips on how to train your social skills so encounters with fellow humans become a norm and not some scary, embarrassing endeavour.

Becoming likeable The key to finding and building on relationships, be that with family, friends, business relationships or romantic partners is to become likeable. It sounds kind of obvious but since we tend to think of social skills as something you either have or don’t, we often don’t bother to try and train ourselves. I will give a rundown on how to become likeable, unashamedly giving summaries of the points made by Dale Carnegie that are honestly the only tools you need to become charismatic and likeable. Become genuinely interested in people “You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them than in two years by making them interested in you” One of the main points in How to Win Friends and Influence People is that people’s favourite subject is themselves. To each person, life is like a movie and they are the starring role. People love themselves, and they’re their own favourite topic of conversation. This is instrumental in getting people to like you - Dale Carnegie gives us the example of dogs, people absolutely love dogs. Have you ever wondered why? The answer is because they are hyper interested in us - they go mad for our attention, they become extremely happy and excited when we’re around, they want to be close to us and we love them for it. This is completely replicable in your own interactions by asking people about themselves, paying attention to people, listening, asking personal questions. Be genuinely excited to speak and learn about people and you will instantly be regarded as compelling and likeable. When you start to live this way you will start to realise that people indeed are fascinating, people know things you don’t, people have wild experiences in their lives and it is exciting to draw this information from people, and they will love you for asking. I have put this point first as I believe it is the most important aspect of becoming likeable. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t have many social interactions or friends, you may relate to any instance of people showing interest in us we instantly become fixated on them, whether it’s a simple smile from a shop assistant, someone at school asking us something personal - we become drawn to these people and if you’re the loner type it’s easy to become obsessed since we have no others showing interest in us - the act of showing interest really is that powerful, it is no wonder why people often fall in love with their therapists. Become the type of person who is interested in other people, and other people will suddenly become very interested in you. This also applies to you if you think you’re a boring person who has no interests, “why would anyone be interested in me” - it is often the case that you are simply being narcissistic and focusing too much on yourself - to become an interesting person doesn’t mean to become interesting internally, it’s actually to become interested externally - in other people and things. Smile “It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever” The simple act of smiling has a massive impact on not only the way you are perceived by others, but also the way you perceive yourself. In this book I have tried to instil the belief that acting is the precursor to believing and smiling is no different - if you smile in your day to day life you will actually become happier and more positive. When it comes to your interactions with other people, smiling completely changes the dynamic into a positive

one, even if it is simply smiling at an elderly person as you walk by on the street, or if you smile at the cashier as you purchase your goods from the shop. Smiling has a profound impact on your outlook, and sets the tone of your interaction with the people you meet. Even when you’re talking on the phone, if you smile your positivity comes across in the way you speak, and also the thoughts you have in your own head. Smile whenever you interact with people. Use people’s names “a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language” Since people view their own lives as a movie with them as the star, the title of the movie may as well be their name. People love the sound of their own names and speaking it to them is a form of flattery, remember this. When you use somebody's name after just meeting them it shows you pay attention to what they say, that you remember them and signals their importance, elevating their own self which makes them feel great. This also applies to people you already know, elevating someone's importance makes them feel great, and if you make people feel great they will love you for it. Be a good listener “If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener” Dale Carnegie gives one example where he attends a dinner, and simply asks someone about his work as a botanist - in fact the whole conversation was essentially the author asking a series of questions and being interested in the other man's profession, and after the dinner was told how the other person regarded him as one of the most compelling conversationalists he had ever met - despite the fact that the author didn’t know anything about the topic at hand, he simply asked questions in genuine interest. Listening is a crucial conversation skill, it may be unintuitive to think that to become a better speaker one must become a better listener but it is 100% true. When you listen you are engaged, you naturally take in what somebody else says and naturally respond. Listening shows the other person that you are interested in them which encourages them to speak more and elevates their own importance which they will love you for. Listening is also an easy skill to put into practice, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t listen to others, and simply wish to speak of their own opinions and experience in a narcissistic fashion, and people naturally are repelled by such behaviour. Some ways you can show you listen to people is by keeping eye contact, repeating some of the last words they say inquisitively and asking clarifying questions about the topic at hand, but do not think too hard about how to portray your interest, the real key is to just actually be interested paying close attention to what they are saying and you will naturally portray your attentiveness. Make them feel important - and do it sincerely “The life of many a person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important” Many of the methods made in the chapter work so well because they make the other person feel important; paying attention to people, seriously listening to what they say, being interested in their life, remembering their name. This is the underlying principle in becoming likeable and should be remembered, and is also something you should consider for yourself - most of the methods I have mentioned around mental health with gaining confidence are

geared towards making your opinion of yourself elevated, by adopting and carrying out responsibilities for yourself - this self importance is what gives you meaning and self respect and this same method can be applied onto others which will make them like and respect you.

Talking to people If you’re the type of person who struggles to speak to people, who finds yourself in your own head during a conversation thinking “Oh god I don’t know what to say” the answer is you don’t actually need to come up with things to say cognitively, they should just arise naturally and this happens when you are not experiencing anxiety, for that’s what anxiety is negative emotion and thoughts. When you are in a mindful, positive and confident mindset you don’t need to plan, you will naturally observe and react within the moment, this is how confident people converse. I used to pay attention to confident conversations in life and media and think to myself “How do they do it? How do they come up with these questions and responses” thinking there was some trick to it, but learnt later that there isn’t a trick, besides simply being present. This is why I have placed my mental health section at the start of this book - your mental health is the real reason you are unable to speak to people and have confident flowing conversations, it isn’t actually due to a lack of knowledge or skills in charisma, it is generally just caused by anxious and negative thought that is blocking your natural abilities. Being present in the moment combined with being genuinely interested in people is the key to having a good conversation, and outside of showing your interest by the methods above, there really are no other special tricks to it.

Flow state “I understand I just need to be present and interested in people, but striking up conversations is still terrifying and I don’t know if I can do it!” This is still your anxiety and negative thoughts blocking you, and I completely understand the prospect of striking up a conversation with a stranger is daunting, getting over your anxieties will involve practice, and practice is something you need to do. Exposure really is the only way, but it doesn’t need to be scary - I have found that the best way to enter the present, confident, free of negative thoughts mindset is to gradually build up over the course of a day, starting small and eventually you enter what is known as a “flow” state, another way of saying “in the zone”. Jumping in the deep end is bound to give you feelings of anxiety but when you start small it really isn’t a big deal and you keep building on this until you are in the confident mindset where you can speak your mind to anyone without feeling fear. This can mean starting off by saying “Hi” to an old man as he passes you in the street, it can be asking somebody for directions, it can be asking the advice of a shop assistant. These are normal interactions that you can manage so when you’re out pay attention to the world around you and there will be reason to engage. Once you are in the habit of asking quick questions, greeting and giving comments to strangers you feel that you are naturally more confident and it is easier to go further, perhaps you are sitting on a bench and you can compliment the person next to you on their shoes, ask them what they’re reading, it really can be anything. I do not want to give too many examples because I’m trying to instil the idea in you that you just need to pay attention to the world and you can react naturally to those around you and strike up conversations that way, but you get the idea. Once you are used to making small talk and

comments to strangers it gets even easier to speak with people, after you have spent a day doing this and you’re in a bar later that night it really won’t feel like a big deal to ask a girl what she’s drinking, or to ask someone if they fancy a game of pool, or to make a joke to the bartender. Getting a conversation started really is as simple as being in a flow state, making a comment then just reacting purely out of observation to what is happening in the moment.

Meeting people To meet people you need to combine what you have learnt with being present, having zero negative emotion and listening with simply being outside and putting yourself into opportunities where you can meet people. This can simply be going into town to do some shopping, stopping at a cafe, a bar, anywhere. You need to find excuses to go outside and never wither away by yourself in the safe space of your parents house, rented apartment or wherever you tend to wallow. Overcome your fear of rejection, understand that not every day will you go out and make friends, it’s normal - what’s important is you just go outside often and be in the state of mind where it makes speaking to people possible. A sure fire way to meet people is groups and events - sign up for events that appeal to you, what hobby you’re doing, classes in something you’re interested in. Even if you’re naturally introverted these types of activities force you into meeting people and once you’re there it’s very easy to strike up conversation and actually end up making friends.

Maintaining relationships Be the one to initiate plans The number one tip I can give to maintain strong, close friendships is to always assume initiative. I personally have suffered friendships dwindling away, friendship groups drifting away over the years until the idea of suddenly saying hi and asking to hangout seems weird. First of all, getting in contact with an old friend isn’t weird and I strongly recommend you do it, secondly you should avoid this by assuming initiative - always be the one to ask your friends to hang out, to go to an event, to do something, to make plans. Don’t be the type of person who whines that nobody asks you to hang out: take responsibility for your life and friendships, be the one to ask. Speak your mind I have covered being present and removing negative thoughts from your mind - this will allow you to speak freely, and with close friends it is extremely important you do so. If you’re the type of person who exists and is around at social gatherings but doesn’t give your honest opinions you are essentially concealing your true identity to people, and people may like you, but nobody will love you or trust you. Be present and speak your mind and allow people to form deep relationships with you. It is important to note that when you are honest you sometimes will give controversial takes, this is good but understand that people will either be very drawn towards you, while some may disagree and may distance themselves this is good and is actually a useful way of identifying the people you can form close bonds with. Rejection is a tool, both in friendship and romantically. Don’t focus on what you can get from them, focus on what you can provide to them

A lot of people in relationships come from the mindset of how other people can serve their needs, it is not so much about providing service. Going into any friendship or relationship you have to go in from the mindset of how to serve them. You get what you give, why would you expect to gain anything from someone if you don’t give anything to them? You are a human of value, so provide value. Once you start to benefit other people, people want to benefit you. If you’re reading How to win friends and influence people you may already understand this: The only way to get somebody to do what you want is to make them want to do it - so give people reasons to want to affect your life positively, by positively affecting their lives. Never criticise, condemn or complain Negativity produces negativity, positivity produces positivity. When speaking with friends, family and loved ones always produce an aura of positivity and you in turn will receive positivity into your life. Criticism, condemning and complaining promotes victimhood complexes and also wears down those you speak to and creates a dark cloud following you around, people are unconsciously repelled by this. When you are positive the opposite happens, people gravitate towards you. A fantastic way to put this into practice is to only speak positively about people when they’re absent, give praise to your friends to other people when they aren’t around. Not only will your positive outlook work its way towards the friend you speak of, but others will judge you positively for speaking so well of your close ones and will wish to become one of them. You may already know the type of person who puts his friends down to try to elevate his own position, this is horrible behaviour and will eventually work its way back to the person by being judged as cruel, narcissistic and will lose them friends over the long run. Give honest, sincere appreciation Giving honest, sincere appreciation will make you stand out above everyone else, people will be drawn to you and wish to be around you. If you paid attention to the gratitude section of the mental health chapter you will know that gratitude is the key to happiness, your relationships are one of the aspects of your life you should experience and convey the most gratitude for - so tell your close ones how much you mean to them. You may think it’s a given that your friends and family mean something to you, but stating it out loud has profound effects on people's wellbeing and will be ever drawn to you. Tell your mother you love her, tell your father he’s a good man, tell your friend you appreciate his friendship. Celebrate your loved ones achievements, compliment on their positive traits - the sheer amount of love and positivity you can put forth into the world is far more meaningful than you realise that simple words can perform, and when you do so the love and positivity will be returned to you, elevating your own fulfilment and sense of community and belonging.

Dating Meeting sexual partners If you were hoping there was some sort of key to meeting girls, there is and there isn’t. The answer is it is exactly the same as meeting friends - by applying the principles of becoming likeable, combined with opportunity - placing yourself in opportunities where you have the ability to meet friends and also potential romantic partners. Attracting women is done by becoming a valuable human being, which is achieved by following the previous

chapters and is the reason you cannot simply skip ahead to the dating section in this book and expect results. The question most people ask is “How do I get a girlfriend” when the real question you should be asking is “Who do I become to get a girlfriend”. When you become this type of person, the only thing remaining to do is be present and simply put yourself into opportunities where you can meet potential romantic partners and to be honest with your intentions. There really isn’t anything else to it, and if you cannot attract women it’s either because you haven’t become a valuable human being yet or you aren’t pursuing women. So go back and reread the previous chapters of this book and live them out, that’s the only way. The only additional tip I can give for meeting romantic partners is through friends of friends if you harbour close friendships you will naturally and easily meet others without even having to go through the potentially daunting prospect of talking to strangers, you will simply do stuff with friends who will bring along their friends where you instantly connect in a socially easy environment. If you aren’t meeting women it's because you aren’t meeting people - go out, do things, attend events, travel, make friends, initiate plans with people.

How to act in front of the opposite sex Exactly the same as you would with anyone else. Seriously, there are no tricks and if you follow the principles of becoming likeable you do not need any secret pick up artist bullshit techniques. Reread the relationship chapter, read How to Win Friends and Influence People. Become interested in people. Smile. Use their names. Be a good listener. Make them feel important. Be present. Be the one to initiate plans. Speak your mind. Focus on what you can provide to them rather than the other way around. Never criticise, condemn or complain. Give honest appreciation. Do not treat the opposite gender like an alien species separate from anyone else. If you struggle with girls it’s because you struggle with people so focus your energy on fixing that.

The type of woman to go for Especially if you are new to dating women, I actually encourage you to just go on as many dates as possible. This will increase your confidence and make dating not a big deal, allowing you to completely get over any anxiety and negative thoughts and just be present. You also need to make sure you aren’t hyper thirsty and willing to jump on any girl you come across, have some respect for yourself. Take it easy, take time to judge and evaluate the personality of the girls you meet rather than acting clingy or needy. When it comes to getting into serious relationships however you MUST be very picky, a bad relationship can be a disaster to your life so you need to love yourself enough to be hyper critical of the women you consider entering a relationship with. So what are the green and red flags to look out for in women? Green flags: ● She has a nice personality. This may be an obvious one, but ask yourself is she genuinely a nice person? She may be nice to you, but how does she act to other people? Does she gossip about others to you or does she talk nicely about others to you and treat everyone with respect? Believe me, she will do the same about you. ● Good relationship with her father. The way her father loved her as a child is the same type of love she craves as an adult, so look for girls with healthy relationships with their fathers

●

●

●

●

Parents are married and still in a loving relationship. If her parents are still married it is a good sign that the girl has a good understanding of love and relationships and likely to be able to have a long lasting partnership Her mother is attractive. I don’t just mean physically. Most people end up like their parents, if she has an attractive mother with a good personality she’s likely to end up the same way She does not have casual sex for fun. This may not be easy to figure out, but if you do find out the amount of casual sexual partners she has had, a higher number increases the likelihood she will cheat on you or split up. You may think this is offensive but is one of the harsh realities of dating - if she has had few sexual partners it shows how good she is at the type of delayed long term gratification that we now know is the key to a fulfiling life. It also indicates she doesn’t spend her time in low quality places like dirty nightclubs or tinder. If she has had a lower amount of hookups she’s more likely to be from a better quality family with good morals She has high quality friends. As the saying goes, we are the average of our 5 closest friends - if she has good quality friends she is most likely a good person also. Sometimes you’ll date a girl and it’ll seem like her friends are a threat to your relationship because they will be encouraging your girl into bad behaviour, this should be avoided. If her friends seem like low quality, party girls that cheat on their boyfriends or constantly complain it is a big red flag

Red flags: ● She is addicted to social media. We are aware of the dangers of social media. It also gives a huge negative impact to your relationship - when she’s following hundreds of attractive guys on instagram she will not be able to help but compare you to them. Yes, by now you are self improving - going to the gym, taking care of your physical appearance, but social media creates this unfair comparison where the grass is always greener - guys she can’t even get anyway, but her brain will create doubts in her mind that can lead to her losing interest in you. Social media just breeds bad habits, negative personality traits and screws up mental health. ● She’s entitled. Gratitude is an amazing personality trait, you want your girl to be grateful for you, for her family, for everything around her. If she is actively ungrateful, entitled, it is hard to envision a long lasting relationship. Praise is absolutely essential for a good relationship and if she cannot provide this it is a huge red flag. ● Colorful hair and lots of piercings. Generally a woman dying her hair abnormal hair colors and having lots of piercings correlates with her having issues related to self acceptance. If she modifies her body majorly it signifies she does not accept or love herself as she naturally is as well as attention craving behaviour ● Promiscuity. The more a woman sleeps around the more damaged her view on relationships and sex, an increased likelihood for cheating or the relationship failing. I am not shaming women for wanting to do it, but I would advise avoiding long term relationships with these women. Some people will say you’re insecure for feeling this, but generally men know in their gut that we are repelled by women with a large sexual history. ● She drinks, does drugs, parties, or frequents other negative environments. It may be seen as the norm to have these hobbies, but these activities indicate terrible lifestyle choices and a need for negative influences that will damage your relationship.

Closing thoughts Sticking to the plan Knowing what to do with your life and actually doing it are two completely different things, execution is everything and many who try to improve themselves fail simply because they lose motivation and stop. Losing motivation is something that will happen, some days you simply don’t feel like doing productive stuff. The key to resolving this is not to somehow become motivated 100% of the time, but to continue to perform these actions when you don’t have the motivation - every time this is done is a massive boost to your willpower and discipline and you will feel great because of it. Literally writing down what you need to do in your daily task list is the method I used and advise you to do the same, when that piece of paper is staring at you in the face with actions yet to be ticked off you must choose to do them no matter how you feel. While some of your bad habits can be overcome in a week, perhaps months, this guide is not something you complete and move on: It is a change to your lifestyle that you should stick to until the day you die.

Good luck Dear reader, I sincerely wish you the best of luck. I know what it’s like to be stuck in hell, I understand loneliness, rejection, not knowing what to do with life and feeling like the world has no purpose or meaning. I promise you that by your own determination and willpower you can 100% overcome these problems, I have done it and I pray that you will manage to join me in the promised land. It is not easy, but whoever you are, I truly believe in you. I love you.

If this book has helped you in your progress, I would be extremely grateful if you could leave a review and recommend it to friends you know who could benefit. I will read every review and it will mean a lot to me to know that you have managed to stand up to your demons and strive for greatness