Confidence for Women: 25 Days to Become a Confident Person. Learn How to Build Self-Acceptance, Self-Love, Self-Discipline, Self-Worth and Mental Toughness + 37 Self-Esteem Affirmations 9798574767405

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CONFIDENCE FOR WOMEN 25 Days to Become a Confident Person. Learn How to Build SelfAcceptance, Self-Love, SelfDiscipline, Self-Worth and Mental Toughness + 37 Self-Esteem Affirmations

Table of Contents INTRODUCTION WHAT IS SELF-CONFIDENCE? WHY YOU NEED SELF-CONFIDENCE Leads to higher levels of motivation Reduces stress, anxiety, and fear Increased sense of self-worth THREE PILLARS OF SELF-CONFIDENCE WOMEN & CONFIDENCE WHAT IF I HAVE LITTLE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF? THE EFFECTS OF LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE WHY YOU LACK SELF-CONFIDENCE Genes and temperament Life experiences Trauma Parenting style Bullying, harassment, and humiliation Gender, race, and sexual orientation Misinformation CHAPTER 1: 25 DAYS TO BECOME A CONFIDENT WOMEN START YOUR JOURNAL ACTIONABLE STEP ACTIVITY CHAPTER 2: (DAY 1) HOW TO CULTIVATE SELF CONFIDENCE CHANGE YOURSELF TALK LEARN TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE STOP EXPLAINING YOURSELF TO OTHERS STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS SURROUND YOURSELF WITH ENCOURAGEMENT AND PROTECTION FROM THOSE WHO DON'T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF BUT DON'T MAKE THEM PERFECTIONIST, ALL-OR-NOTHING GOALS ALWAYS PUT YOUR BEST ‘YOU’ FORWARD PRACTICE SELF-CARE FIRST TRUST YOURSELF LET GO OF THE NEED FOR CONTROL EMBRACE A GROWTH MINDSET EXERCISE CHAPTER 3: (DAY 2) SIMPLE PRACTICES OF SELF-LOVE TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE SELF-LOVE ACTIVITIES TO MAKE YOU LOVE YOURSELF MORE FINDING YOUR WAY TO SELF-LOVE DOES YOUR LACK OF SELF-LOVE AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN? A SELF-LOVE EXERCISE 1

A SELF-LOVE EXERCISE 2 CHAPTER 4: (DAY 3) FACING FEARS AND MOVING FORWARD ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR CHANGE YOUR STRESS MINDSET FIND PEOPLE WHO CAN SUPPORT YOU PLAN FOR SETBACKS HAVE PATIENCE WITH YOURSELF CELEBRATE EVERY STEP DEFUSING PAINFUL THOUGHTS EXERCISE: USING EXPOSURE THERAPY TO OVERCOME FEARS CHAPTER 5: (DAY 4) KNOWING YOURSELF (SELF-AWARENESS) THE INHERENT VALUE OF KNOWING YOUR STRENGTHS GROWTH START WITH COMPLETION IN MIND. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF REST REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES 1. Apologize 2. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes 3. Do what you can to make it right CHAPTER 6: (DAY 5) UNDERSTANDING YOUR CORE BELIEFS DETERMINING CORE BELIEFS. LADDERING AND MOTIF EVALUATION KNOWING YOUR RULES. CHAPTER 7: (DAY 6) APPRECIATE YOUR BODY WHY DO WOMEN SUFFER POOR SELF IMAGE? CHOOSE TO SEE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS SAY NO TO NEGATIVE SELF-TALK TAKE BABY STEPS OPEN YOURSELF UP TO OTHERS YOUR BODY’S STORY VALUING YOUR BODY SELF-ACCEPTANCE EXERCISE- A BODY APPRECIATION MEDITATION CHAPTER 8: (DAY 7) BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM SELF-ESTEEM SET UP FOR SUCCESS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TRUST IN YOURSELF AND YOUR WISHES. Tap into Your Feminine Power by Putting Your Needs First. EXERCISE CHAPTER 9: (DAY 8) MANAGING STRESS PERCEIVING STRESS KEEP A STRESS DIARY OVERSEEING AND MINIMIZING STRESS

1. Take Care of Yourself Appropriately 2. Look for Help from Others 3. Think Positively 4. Work to Unwind and Have a Fabulous Time Maintaining a Strategic Distance from Stress CHAPTER 10: (DAY 9) RELAX YOUR MIND DEEP BREATHING LISTEN TO SOOTHING MUSIC MEDITATE USE GUIDED IMAGERY CHAPTER 11: (DAY 10) SILENCE NEGATIVE SELF TALK WOUNDS OF WORDS MAGNIFY OR MINIMIZE STOP TAKING EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY CELEBRATE THE SMALLER THINGS IN LIFE EXERCISE CHAPTER 12: (DAY 11) SET GOALS HOW BEST TO SET GOALS? Be purposeful Picture your success Get a good mentor Get educated Base your goals on your passion Do not procrastinate Reward your wins CHAPTER 13: (DAY 12) FIND A PURPOSE 1. Find out what you love and what comes naturally 2. Know what you want to achieve 3. Be clear about what you want to do 4. Talk to others CHAPTER 14: (DAY 13) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST BE NICE TO YOURSELF 1. Display your achievements 2. Write down 5 things you like about yourself every morning 3. Spin negative self-talk 4. Put up reminders around the house 5. Don’t hold things in 6. Avoid things that make you hate yourself 7. Hang around people who make you feel better about yourself GET ACTIVE 1. Find someone to workout with 2. Find a time that works best for you 3. Change it up 4. Find something that you love to do

EAT HEALTHILY 1. Natural and processed sugars are the same 2. Eating celery can burn calories 3. You should avoid fats 4. Carbohydrates are bad for you TAKE A BREAK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA FORGIVE YOURSELF LAY OUT A FINANCE SCHEDULE 1. Talk to a bank associate 2. Generate more streams of income 3. Decide how much you will put away for savings EXERCISE: MAKING SELF-CARE TANGIBLE CHAPTER 15: (DAY 14) FOCUS ON THINGS YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER COMPLIMENT OTHERS RESPECT YOURSELF ASSESSING YOUR VALUES GET USED TO POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS LEARN TO ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS DETERMINE WHAT YOU’RE REALLY WORTH QUASHING THE NEED TO PLEASE OFFER YOURSELF A REPRIEVE. HOLD YOUR EMOTIONS UNDER WRAPS. EXERCISES Daily Affirmations Healing Activities CHAPTER 16: (DAY 15) DEVELOPING ASSERTIVENESS ASSESSING YOUR ABILITY TO BE ASSERTIVE AVOIDING HIGH-RISK BEHAVIORS TRUSTING YOURSELF LOOK BACK TO MOVE FORWARD TAKE ACTION! CHAPTER 17: (DAY 16) BELIEVE IN YOURSELF DEVELOPING A STRONGER SENSE OF SELF LEADS TO SELF-CONFIDENCE Become Comfortable with Being Alone Set and Keep Boundaries Go Your Own Way Don't Compare Yourself to Others List Past Successes and Use Them To Your Advantage Get Feedback from Others REPLACE NEGATIVE BELIEFS WITH POSITIVE ONES OVERCOMING SELF-DOUBT Remove Wrong Words Recognize Self-Doubt Get Daily Dose of Inspiration Reflect on previous achievements Check for reviews

Be mindful of Doubt from Others Celebrate Small Wins More Strategies to Conquer Self Doubt MOVE FROM SELF-DOUBT INTO SELF-TRUST HOW CAN I START TO TRUST MYSELF AND INSTILL SELF-BELIEF? CHAPTER 18: (DAY 17) CHALLENGING YOUR INTERNAL CRITICISM DOES YOUR INNER REVIEWER WORK WELL WITH YOU? SWAP A BETTER ONE FOR HER! REINVENTING THE INNER CRITIC CHAPTER 19: (DAY 18) HOW TO ELIMINATE NEGATIVE THINKING REFRAME YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS REMOVE YOUR ATTACHMENT TO THE THOUGHT AVOID GENERALIZATIONS CALM YOUR INNER CRITIC IDENTIFY YOUR NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS IGNORE NEGATIVITY CHAPTER 20: (DAY 19) TACKLE SHYNESS TO PRESENT YOUR AUTHENTICITY IN ANY CROWD SOCIAL ANXIETY AND SHYNESS STAYING AUTHENTIC CHAPTER 21: (DAY 20) PRACTICING ACCEPTANCE ACCEPTING YOUR STRENGTHS IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS WHY DO WE DOWNPLAY OUR STRENGTHS? TURN YOUR STRENGTHS INTO POSITIVE MANTRAS CELEBRATE YOUR STRENGTHS EXERCISE: YOUR STRENGTHS INVENTORY ACCEPTING YOUR WEAKNESSES IDENTIFY YOUR CHALLENGES FREE YOURSELF FROM GUILT AND SHAME ADOPT A GROWTH MINDSET THOUGHT EXERCISE: COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF CHAPTER 22: (DAY 21) REWRITING YOUR STORY CREATE SELF-TRUST LOOK BACK TO MOVE FORWARD TAKE ACTION! CHAPTER 23: (DAY 22) KNOW YOUR POWER AND LEVERAGE YOUR STRENGTHS THE POWER ALL HUMANS POSSESS DETERMINE YOUR UNIQUE POWER AND STRENGTHS AND HOW TO USE IT INVEST IN YOURSELF CHAPTER 24: (DAY 23) RELAX YOUR BODY: YOGA PROGRESSIVE MUSCLE RELAXATION (PMR)

TAKE A WALK HAVE A MASSAGE SOAK IN A WARM BATH STAYING HEALTHY CHAPTER 25: (DAY 24) MEDITATION FOR SELF-CONFIDENCE SEEK OUT NEW CHALLENGES AND ACTIVITIES CHAPTER 26: (DAY 25) MOVING FORWARD ACTIONS FOR BOOSTING LOW SELF-ESTEEM Be Positive Be Content with Yourself Be Firm and Believe in Your Dreams Just believe in yourself and your dreams. They become real. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO GAIN CONFIDENCE? CHAPTER 27: 37 SELF ESTEEM AFFIRMATIONS FOR WOMEN 37 AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE CONCLUSION

Introduction Are you sick and tired of not pursuing the things you want just because you don’t feel confident enough? Do you want to live your life to the fullest and experience the true beauty that comes with tapping into the limitless potential within you and using it to actualize your dreams? Do you want to achieve the best in life and to be the best YOU possible? If your answer to all these questions is YES, keeping reading: This book was written as a tool to help you get out of your own way! This resource is designed to provide you with a safe space to self-reflect. It will present you with practical principles that will help produce or enhance the self-confidence needed to pursue so much more. It will help you remove the limits off of your heart and mind and tap into the unlimited resources already on the inside of you and available to you. Confidence in yourself is all about the view of yourself. It reveals your sense of value. Yet, in truth, there is more to it than possessing the greatest ability to believe, to live with the everyday trials and challenges of life, and to realize that you are most likely to have fun, prosperity, and satisfaction, of course. Typically, multiple factors affect confidence levels, whether they are internal or external factors. This only means that things inside and outside of you can have a serious impact on your view of yourself. Low selfconfidence can have a major impact on all aspects of a person's life, whether it's your family, career, or health. That's why you need to learn how to cope with all of these variables to develop your confidence and preserve

your sense of value. The true essence of self-confidence is to trust in yourself and know that you are deserving of consideration. We should have a positive and friendly mind to achieve self-confidence. We should be serving others and respecting the emotions of others. The main reason people lack confidence in themselves is an unwillingness to see their abilities. Everyone has advantages of their own. We must consider them. Most people don't think about their strengths, but about certain attributes and how they don't fit. Another reason people lose confidence in themselves can be in their relationships through a traumatic event. From such an event, many people can grow; others will focus on it and become terrified. I encourage you to read through the chapters in order because they build on previous chapters. The tools and coping skills are linked together in a specific way to increase your confidence as you move forward. I also highly recommend keeping a journal to keep you focused and to record your progress. This guide will show you how to become the most confident you have ever been in your life! To one degree or the other, lacking self-confidence is something many of us find relatable because we each have personal insecurities that can sometimes overwhelm our self-belief. When you think of yourself as incapable, believing in this false belief lowers your self-confidence. On the other hand, when you consider yourself capable, even when you lack a certain aptitude, because of having selfbelief, you are often eager to find ways to do what you want.

What is self-confidence? Self-confidence is a feeling, but it’s a feeling that can affect the person we are and how we think, act, or behave. It’s the way we feel about ourselves, and this differs from person to person. To put it simply, if you are selfconfident, you believe in your abilities, qualities, judgments, and beliefs. If you aren’t confident, you doubt yourself and don’t believe in yourself, and this can have instrumental repercussions on what you do in your life. That means that when we do something, we question whether we did it correctly or effectively. We often assume that we won’t do well, and this lack of confidence can affect our performance or our ability to handle specific situations. It can also affect how we feel, impacting how we live our lives as we stop making changes and taking chances. Our self-confidence influences our feelings and behavior. It can impact many things, including our work life, relationships, and even our family life. Those who lack confidence can face anxiety and sometimes end up doing things they don’t want to do because they are too anxious or shy to say no. They might get overlooked for that promotion because they are too afraid to speak out. They doubt their abilities and make assumptions about themselves. People who are confident stand out. People can rely on them because they know they will get an honest answer. They believe in themselves, which shows in everything they do, and it encourages other people to believe in them. People who lack confidence don’t know how to handle those feelings and thoughts and therefore aren’t in control of their success. This means they feel like they’ve failed before they begin – they accept defeat and therefore allow themselves to be defeated easily. It’s easy to become stuck in the rut of self-doubt, but only those who take action to improve and work on themselves can climb out and flourish.

Confidence in oneself is a deep and rational faith in oneself, abilities, and capabilities. This includes being mindful of one's weaknesses and being conscious of one's skills. It is a positive attitude that leads to the idea that one is armed with the necessary resources to respond positively to life's challenges. The degree of confidence in the product reflects your view of yourself. This has an impact on how men view you. Whether people interrelate with each other and react to you is a representation of how you think. Therefore, if you don't have high self-esteem, people will usually find it difficult to trust your skills. The degree of trust is the product of your view of yourself. This has an impact on how men view you. Whether people interrelate with each other and react to you is a representation of how you think. Furthermore, if you don't have high self-esteem, people will usually find it difficult to accept your talents. Low self-esteem is a commodity that relies too much on your negative characteristics and what you do wrong. In other words, you are the worst adversary of your own! Individuals that exude self-confidence do not necessarily rely on others ' approval. They listen and value others ' opinions; however, they judge themselves at the end of the day. Like most individuals, optimistic people have realistic goals, follow concrete objectives, and pursue their dreams. We are also facing challenges. What do self-confident people do if things are not going their way? To evaluate the situation, confident people take a step back to seek the best options available.

When things didn't go as planned through these attempts, they come to a point when they know that they can't always get what they want. We step on from this point and take the experiences learned from previous practice with them. We are excited to come to grips with fresh goals and dreams. The strong belief in their ability remains unchanged, realizing they are now older, more knowledgeable, and better equipped with experience.

Why You Need Self-Confidence Sometimes, people have low self-confidence. This can be for numerous reasons, but it’s often due to negative thought patterns that we allow to flow through our mind without question, as a result of beliefs we’ve formed over time. Sometimes, events occur, or some kind of anxiety is triggered, which can damage our self-confidence. It’s important to acknowledge these things so that you can move forward and overcome the issues that have knocked down your confidence levels. If your confidence levels are low, it can be really difficult to believe in yourself and get what you want out of life. It can instill fear, and you stop believing that you can achieve your dreams, and often many people with this fear settle for what they have. You may also need constant reassurance from others, which can affect the different relationships in your life. Others are drawn to happy, independent, and confident people who believe in themselves. Self-confidence is so important because studies suggest that self-confident people are successful. There are many benefits of being self-confident, and this can really shape our lives. Self-confidence often means: Improved performance – When we are confident in ourselves and know we can do something well, we feel motivated. This often means that our performance is improved as we know we can do it and strive to be the best. Social ease – A confident person who is confident in their skin is more relaxed in social situations. Their confidence and self-belief shine through in their personality, and others often feel drawn to their

charisma. That’s because their positivity, energy, and success act as a magnet. Improved health – Studies suggest that good self-confidence and selfesteem indicate good mental health. That doesn’t suggest that confident people do not have mental health issues, but just that they have the right tools to cope and deal with situations that could stir up feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and shyness. It often fuels our social skills, and these days, there is a lot of confidence-building work in schools so that young people can adopt these tools from a young age. This can help them deal with an exam and peer pressure. Happiness – If you feel good about yourself, you are happy, and if you are happy, it can lead to you getting what you want out of life. A self-confident person isn’t afraid of doing things that make them happy, as it’s all part of taking care of themselves. The ability to inspire others – Have you ever watched a person and thought, wow, they are awesome? They were confident and charismatic, and you felt a strong admiration. This could be a public speaker or someone famous or well-known. Well, that’s a confident person, and because their charisma and confidence shine, it inspires other people. You need self-confidence because it:

Leads to higher levels of motivation Self-confidence is about self-belief: the knowledge that despite your shortcomings as a human—and we all have shortcomings—you are still worthy, good, and capable.

When your self-perception is positive, you’re more likely to take steps, no matter how small, towards the things you desire in life. For instance, when you believe that you deserve love and are worthy of finding it, because of believing this, you’re likelier to take affirmative action towards what you want.

Reduces stress, anxiety, and fear When you are confident, quieting the inner critic, the negative voice inside us, becomes easier. Flare-ups from the inner critic, the voice that screams out ideas such as “you can’t do it” and “you’re not worthy,” are primary causes of stress, anxiety, and fear. When you can quiet and reason with this voice, it becomes easier to detach from its sentiments, which can lower stress, anxiety, fear, and the chances of other psychosomatic disorders such as depression.

Increased sense of self-worth When your confidence is high, you value the authentic, genuine YOU more, which leaves you feeling valuable and worthy. When you feel worthy, it shows in how you carry and conduct yourself. For instance, when you feel worthy, you’re likelier to display positive body language.

Three Pillars of Self-confidence The quest for true self-confidence takes us all in different directions. We all want the magic pill to immediately give us somebody with true selfconfidence, attributes, and personality. Trust is not something that can be achieved easily from reading books with various self-help. Through taking action every day, it can't be gained, and then finding it didn't work. Sitting about seeing yourself with it will never gain it. True self-confidence will become the substance only by constant learning, practice, and belief. Education is the first pillar of self-confidence. My first instinct to gain selfconfidence was reading books about it and listening to CDs. Through telling professionals in their professions where they obtained it, I received the best self-confidence training. Self-confidence's second ingredient is knowledge by practice. Take action is a more straightforward way of saying it. We were all accused of teaching ourselves and discovering how unexpectedly we made a great discovery. Failure is the experience's most important element. Write this expression again. Those with the greatest self-confidence in their lives are still more likely to fail than succeed. Consider disappointment as a stepping stone for unwavering confidence in oneself. When true self-confidence is achieved, the explanation being; once one is confident with loss, the brain may continue to pursue the potential in all matters. The third pillar is trust. Belief is the force that cannot be measured in terms of education and experience. Faith is an ingredient that, if accepted, will take you to unimagined higher levels. If you take action against your doubts, true faith will be attained. You will realize when you have true faith because the knowledge, encounters, and circumstances you once feared will thirst you. You'll be master of feelings that don't dread disappointment

anymore. Your faith will drive you through the thoughts of fear. They will no longer be seen as barriers but as simple challenges that will only improve you in the long run. Note that all three self-confidence principles must be regularly exercised and implemented. Belief brings in change. Faith is a need for consistent action. Learning without practice is worse than not first reading. You won't learn if you don't take action. Focus on all three foundations in your daily life now concurrently to take the first step towards true self-confidence.

Women & Confidence Women are often the gender who seem the most stressed or are more easily affected by small obstacles and often lack self-esteem and confidence when you compare them with their male counterparts. Women have been proven to respond, behave, and act differently in situations where confidence is required. Yes, women are often led to believe that they are the inferior gender but come on, ladies, this is not the 1920’s and you are just as capable and capable and have just as much ability (sometimes even more) than your male counterparts. There are things that every woman should know, and these factors could impact heavily on their confidence and ability to tackle any obstacle and devise a plan which they will follow through with to ensure their success. Hormones play a vital role in confidence; how much or how little you have. Men have the upper hand here with their natural production of testosterone. Testosterone is known to reduce cortisol in the body, which in turn reduces stress. In some cases, men have almost 100% more testosterone in their bodies than women do, so it is easy to understand why they often appear calm in situations that often leave women frayed at the edges. Serotonin, which is the feel-good chemical released by the brain, is not as easily processed by women. Serotonin also allows you to feel more confident. Eating sugar is a quick fix when you need that boost of feel-good power, but long-term benefits are felt through regular exercise. Boost those levels, ladies, and have that feel-good feeling pumping you up to take on your next encounter. Research has shown that women tend to worry and show signs of anxiety about 3-4 times as much as men do, which will lead to lower self-

confidence levels. The center which controls anxiety and worry is twice as big in women as it is in men. Women often hold back and refrain from taking risks for fear of failure. Still, in cases where they overcome these fears and tackle the tasks and obstacles head-on, women perform just as well as men do, and as much as men would hate to admit it, sometimes women perform even better. Confidence is required to take on any task. Our thoughts are converted into actions by our confidence. If your self-confidence is high, you will judge your abilities on a higher level than if you lack confidence. Women often underestimate their abilities due to several factors and are more likely to take fewer risks. An increase in confidence will always result in better performance. There we have it, ladies, you are just as capable and have as amazing abilities as your male counterparts. Don’t allow science or social rules to predict who you are, what you can do, and to determine your achievements. Do whatever you can to boost your confidence and get your head in the game. Women are as competent as men; they need only believe in themselves. Women are equal in every way, and it’s time they realized that and moved out of the corner. Don’t wait for your prince to rescue you, jump on that horse and gallop into the distance on your own and no, you don’t have to sit side-saddle.

What If I Have Little Confidence In Myself? For some, the road to greater success is self-confidence, while it can be a life sentence of disappointment for others. Whether you're effective or not can rely on your self-confidence level to some degree. There is no understanding of self-confidence in solitude. It's a series of unmistakable internal and external signals that indicate certain individuals who have it or who don't. You need to realize that self-confidence is possible if you're one of the many who don't. While this book focuses on weak and low selfconfidence, note, with you starts self-confidence. What are the indicators of lack of self-confidence in a person? When you think, you always have to justify after making a mistake. You feel the need to answer/defend any critique that is aimed at you. For your lack of self-confidence, you over-compensate The language of your body It is a learned trait to continually aspire to become a perfectionist in selfconfidence.

The Effects of Low Self-Confidence The effect of low self-confidence will make people with such personalities think that they are less talented with inferior skills and abilities to handle and complete any assigned task. They feel unworthy to receive compliments and be appreciated. It gets even worse than that when honest compliments are given for their efforts–it becomes a surprise or shock to them; hence they tag it as false, pretentious, or fake appreciation.

Why You Lack Self-Confidence Genes and temperament Did you know that some of what molds your levels of self-confidence come built into your brains at birth? That is one of the main reasons why a lack of self-confidence is not your fault and why you should never blame yourself for having a low sense of self-image. Research published by the National Health Institute in 2011 showed that our genetic makeup plays an important role in determining how much confidence-boosting chemicals our brains can access. Serotonin, a neurotransmitter linked to happiness, and oxytocin, a hormone that contributes to positive emotions and social bonding, are both inhibitable by particular genetic variations in our bodies. About 25-50% of the personality traits that relate to confidence may be inherited. Besides genes, temperament also affects your self-confidence. If you are naturally a more watchful and hesitant person, especially in unfamiliar situations, you may have a personality tendency called ‘Behavioral inhibition.’ Behavioral inhibition makes you afraid, uncomfortable, or anxious in unfamiliar situations, causing you to stop what you are doing or withdraw when around unfamiliar people. If you are always a more cautious and reserved person, self-confidence may not come easy to you. If you can relate to that, the tools given in this book will help you capitalize on your temperament to become more confident while remaining a little cautious.

Life experiences

Various individual experiences can cause you to feel unsure of yourself or even worthless.

Trauma Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse can all affect your sense of selfworth. The best way to tackle this, more so if you continually replay memories of abuse or feel ashamed or tormented by your experiences, is to visit a licensed psychotherapist who can help you get over the torment before working on your confidence.

Parenting style How your family and parents treated you, more so when you were young, can leave a mark that affects you long after your childhood years. For instance, if your parents or guardians constantly belittled you, compared you to other people, or constantly said you would never amount to anything, you are likely to carry these messages with you through life. Also, seeing your parents struggle with mental health or substance abuse can change your relationship with the world.

Bullying, harassment, and humiliation Being the victim of childhood bullying can negatively influence your selfconfidence, especially when it comes to looks, athletic and intellectual abilities, and other areas of life. Furthermore, humiliating adulthood experiences, such as workplace harassment or a peer group that demeans or disrespects, can also make you less confident and unwilling to speak up for yourself or pursue your goals.

Gender, race, and sexual orientation

Racial and cultural background and sexual orientation can affect your selfconfidence as well. That mostly happens when you have been on the receiving end of discrimination or neglect. When that’s the case, it’s very easy to internalize these negative and false messages, which in turn affects your potentiality or the feeling of belonging.

Misinformation A lack of self-confidence can also come from not knowing how to play the confidence game. For instance, if you think you have to feel confident to act confidently or think you have to have everything figured out before taking action, it’s likely to leave a dent in your confidence. Learning and understanding what confidence is does not automatically mean that your self-confidence will start being high. Once you know what you have to do, to boost your level of confidence, you have to apply what you learn and practice it every day until it becomes a part of you.

Chapter 1: 25 Days to Become a Confident Women Read this book all at once and then re-read day-by-day, 1 day-chapter at a time in the morning and apply the exercises of the day during that day. We will talk about an argument for each day, an angle that contributes to women's lack of confidence. We will understand it deeply, and we will have a new mindset shit/habit/way of thinking that will help her change the way she acts connected to this angle. It’s important to start making progress with your confidence now to see maximum results. That’s why we’ve devised some steps for you each day for the next 25 days so that you can start to work on yourself and slowly make changes and explore your confidence. Then you can figure out what you want from life and what makes you happy. Journaling is a huge part of this workbook as it has endless benefits, and it is suggested that you embrace this concept for the whole of the 25-days at least. Journaling has so many benefits because it can help you feel calm, encourage you to solve issues and problems, make sense of your thoughts and actions, and gain clarity, and it can also increase your creativity. Throughout this book, we reflect on negative thought patterns and actions, so journaling will help you track and monitor those patterns. A key benefit of journaling is that it helps you get those thoughts out of your head and on paper. Many people report that if they journal in the evening before bed, they sleep better. That’s because you are putting your thoughts and ideas on paper, so you don’t have them swimming around your head all night. This way, you don’t need to worry in case you forget them.

You may have heard of journaling before, and it’s a great way to start organizing your thoughts as it helps you identify any problems and anything that holds you back.

Start your journal Your first task is to start a journal and write in it for three days of your selfconfidence journey. You can use the prompts below to reflect on what we’ve covered in the introduction if you’re not sure of what to write: What aspects of your self-esteem and self-confidence hold you back? Write a description or profile of the person you aspire to be – think about what you would do if you weren’t holding yourself back. How does it make you feel when your confidence is lacking? Are there any patterns in the way you think or act? Is this a new feeling, or have you always felt like that? Are there any events that trigger how you feel? Practice journaling in a style that suits you over the next 3 days.

Actionable step Examine your journal after the first three days and see if you can see any patterns in the way you think or act. We all behave in a certain way, so this is normal. Do something different to disrupt this pattern. For example, if you don’t speak out at work or in meetings, try it. This is often empowering. How did you feel after you disrupted the pattern?

Activity When we first start analyzing our behavior and thought patterns, they can be overwhelming. We might not know why we react in a particular way or why we aren’t confident. Calming the mind is really important to this whole process. If you start to feel overwhelmed, try this activity to calm you down. Earlier in this chapter, we talked about walking away and taking some time. Relaxed breathing can really help with this: Take yourself off to somewhere quiet. Sit down, relax, and close your eyes. Breathe in for five seconds and out for seven. Try to clear your mind by concentrating on the rhythm. Repeat the words “I am worthy of taking up space” 3 times. Absorb the feeling of confidence for another 10 seconds. Open your eyes and go back to whatever you were doing before.

Chapter 2: (Day 1) How to Cultivate Self Confidence We don't all begin in the same position because of our unique experiences as women. Some of you may already have a fair amount of self-confidence in reading this and want to finally blow over the barriers that prevent you from achieving the success you want. Some of you may have an acute lack of self-confidence and need more time and encouragement to reach a healthy self-confidence level. Here are suggestions to build your self-confidence and the secret to make it all come together:

Change Yourself Talk Self-talk can range from disempowerment to abuse. The first step of any process is to raise our awareness of what we say to ourselves. If you find yourself saying abusive words, stop right away. If you're using words like "I can't...," "I should have...," "Yes, but..." then change them to "I can or I'm on the way to...," "I'm going to... in the future," "Yes, I can do that..." Practice Daily Self Care: Tend to your daily physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Get enough rest and eat so that your health and vitality can be supported. You can find small ways to pamper yourself, even if you can't afford a lot.

Learn To Take A Compliment Whenever someone gives you a compliment or acknowledgment, you just have to say two words, "Thank you." Delete the clause and clarification, which usually follows your thanks.

Take Full Responsibility In All Aspects Of Your Life We have been told to take responsibility for everything we think about, every feeling we have, every action we take, and every result we get. Just doing this on your own incredibly strengthens your self-confidence.

Stop Explaining Yourself to Others As girls, once we respond "no" to a query, we always feel compelled to answer. We always feel compelled to justify ourselves if somebody disagreed with what we think or do. Just because someone asks why you believe what you are doing or have done what you have done, this is no reason to explain yourself.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others One way you disempower yourself is to compare your achievements with others ' achievements. You are unique; there is no such thing as you. You are here in your voice to bring your unique message to the world. Revel in the fact that this cannot be achieved by anyone else and honor your individuality.

Surround Yourself With Encouragement And Protection From Those Who Don't Have Your Best Interests At Heart One of mutual support should be every close relationship in your life. If it is not, the amount of time you spend with that person must be considered seriously. The corollary is to express your ambitions, expectations, and thoughts with those who can help you.

Set Goals For Yourself But Don't Make Them Perfectionist, All-Or-Nothing Goals You can set goals for every aspect of your life... bodies, minds, and spirits... but keep them achievable and build on them incrementally.

Always Put Your Best ‘You’ Forward Always choose to look your best (and you don't need to spend a lot of money). Choose to always take the highway. Speak from a place of high integrity (no gossip, no conversation behind another's back). Choose to be an outstanding reader. Choose to be good. In your personal and professional life, training to develop self-confidence is important. Self-confidence is an integral part of having a positive attitude, and an important tool of success is to have a trainer or teacher to help you work on your mentality.

Practice self-care first The first step to boosting your self-confidence and self-esteem is to practice consistent self-care. You can be great at many things, including taking care of others, but you will be running on an empty engine if you don’t take care of yourself. Running on empty might leave you feeling depressed or unwanted, both of which are self-confidence killers. Self-care has many facets, and only you can clearly define what you need to do for yourself, but it often involves aspects such as: Meeting your physical needs like having enough sleep, eating healthy foods, regularly exercising, affection, and sex Meeting your emotional needs like making good friends, feeling supported, and closeness Endeavoring to meet spiritual needs such as having hope and faith in a Higher Power or believing in anything that keeps you going Being able to set healthy boundaries with the people you interact with or are close to, including family, colleagues, etc. Without healthy boundaries, knowing your limits will be a constant struggle and result in unsatisfying or abusive relationships. Self-care can enhance your ability to handle stress. When you take care of yourself, you won’t expect people to take care of you. Struggle to accept yourself because you take your time to take care of yourself. Knowing this will be tremendously empowering, so much so that it can raise your confidence to levels you never thought possible.

Trust yourself Cultivating self-trust is essential to feeling confident during unknown or uncertain situations. Trusting yourself gives you the power to move forward or handle an unknown situation. It gives you the ability to take control of your life even when you are not in control and the strength to move forward even when everything seems to be falling apart.

Let go of the need for control Confidence does not build on or become stronger because of the idea that you should be in control of a situation. You can’t control everything in life. Thinking you should be in control will do nothing to boost your confidence, quite the opposite: seeking to control everything will lower your confidence.

Embrace a growth mindset Stepping outside your comfort zone will require you to have a growth mindset. A fixed mindset degrades your confidence because it keeps you from being open-minded, forcing you to stick to your standard way of going through life and who you are right now—someone who lacks confidence. Having a growth mindset involves looking for ways to grow, be better, and find solutions instead of feeling helpless or stuck in life. A growth mindset involves pushing past your boundaries and looking for what you can achieve despite your fears. It involves choosing to do more, be more, and seeing yourself as more than what you usually think of yourself. The more you do things outside your comfort zone, which, as we have discussed, involves embracing a growth mindset, the higher your selfconfidence and self-esteem shall grow.

Exercise When you wake up in the morning, write down three things you are thankful for. It’s time to do something different. If you usually sit quietly in a team meeting, barely speak to the coffee barista that serves you coffee, or you stand quietly in the playground away from the other parents, try something new. Speak! Say hello, comment about the weather, say something interesting or contribute to the team meeting and state your opinion or idea. This can make you feel happy and even proud of yourself. Spend some time every day on you. Taking care of yourself is important, and even if it’s something like reading, going for a walk, going for a coffee with your friend, or taking a long bath, it’s important for your health and happiness. Do something kind or help another person. Taking time away from ourselves and doing something for another can help us to focus. Just taking some time to focus on something can help us move away from our negative thinking patterns. Walk away, breathe, and take a few moments to collect your thoughts. Sometimes we can be a little irrational when we aren’t feeling confident as those anxious feelings become too much. Sometimes a brisk walk, a chat with a friend or just some air can make a wealth of difference. Now for the secret From this moment on, behave as the self-confident person you want to be— whatever you do, wherever you go, whoever you encounter, live like and be the person you want to be, the self-confident man you expect to be. Over time, you're going to grow into and become this reality. After all, it's who

you're already— you're just peeling off the layers to get to your selfconfident self.

Chapter 3: (Day 2) Simple Practices of Self-Love to Love Yourself More In reality, the determination to provide your family with a clean, caring, and secure home is part of your motivation to aspire relentlessly to "do more and cram more into your day." What I mean that when you have to put the brakes on, look in the mirror and ask, "what about me, what do I want?" and turn the light of love to satisfy your desires and rock your inner core. In many cases, the better it becomes to view life through the lens of selflove and your happiness without feeling guilty and "selfish" to place yourself first, the more you practice self-love. At the end of the day, the value of self-love and acceptance is stressed by all spiritual teachings and doctrines.

Self-Love Activities To Make You Love Yourself More #1 Write Self-Love Quotes, Affirmations, and Inspirations. "I am the apple of my eye, the light of motivation I pursue" "Every day I love myself more and more" "The more I respect and appreciate myself, the more I develop within" Build your affirmations or choose the three above, write them down. You can sneak your affirmations into your handbag as an extra treat to yourself or write them out on your phone and read them to yourself during the day, especially when you feel anxious. You will immediately relax into your being's more caring side. #2 Pray. And Show Gratitude for Your Health and Wellness If you're not Christian, you may be confused by the thought of meditation. As I went through a phase of challenging "Jesus and all that sacred stuff," as my brother and cousin passed away, I understand that that brought me to a more meaningful and soulful link with life over the years. Over the years, though, I now appreciate the importance of spending a few minutes in quiet contemplation and prayer. If you're waiting quietly, I've composed a prayer of thanks that I'm happy to share with you. Take a moment and utter the prayer below, Dear Divine Mother, Thank you for the grace that runs from my heart openly, for the love and devotion that I now offer to myself, for the emergence of boundless energy and rivers of goodwill. Thank you, Mother Earth, for the endless streams of life that float into my mind now endlessly enriching my life and filling me up until I overflow; for the sense of peace and peaceful heart. I am purely awful and hope for ever more streaming creation. Thank you, Holy God, for granting me the reason to value myself.

#3 Meditate. If you're doing meditation, you'll know it's one of the best gifts. There are plenty of meditations out there, and you will come across different techniques and insights during your self-love path. As a novice, studying and acquiring yoga from an experienced teacher is always better. Here's A Guided Self-Love Meditation For You To Practice: After you've spoken your 3 daily affirmations, made your morning teacup, and said your daily Gratitude Prayer, find a quiet space, put your phone on a 3-minute timer to make yourself comfortable, take a few steady breaths in and out of your nose, lower your shoulders and read the following passage to yourself loudly. Sit in silence after reading it and take a couple more minutes remaining still before re-engaging with your day as the timer stops. Guided Self-Love Meditation. I breathe in calm. I breathe out love. I breathe in warmth. I breathe out pleasure, breathe in forgiveness; I let go of the pain and sorrow I breathe in love and happiness, I let go of the misery I breathe in life and groove in sync with my core rhythms Closing Thoughts And Call To Action. I urge you to set aside 15 minutes to follow these clear self-care habits as you wake up for the next 5 days. When you begin your day, you will feel refreshed, energized, and, the best of all, cherished and nurtured. I would love to know how you're getting on.

Finding Your Way to Self-Love It's the mystery we're both posing as we recover and rebuild broken selfesteem. We want to respect ourselves more thoroughly and enjoy ourselves. We certainly know the anguish of creeping into those old feelings of worthlessness. They learn even how we are most "sensitive" and selfcritical. But how do we get to the feelings of self-love from these wincing, selfdenying feelings on earth? How do we value ourselves when we don't so clearly respect ourselves in many ways? Do not be depressed if you feel this annoyance. It will often seem like "you really can't get there from here" in finding your way to self-love. This obvious impasse is to be anticipated. And this is why. We must first feel full and nourished to feel happy and feel a positive sense of self. Of course, the issue is that these self-negative feelings discourage us from being satisfied and filled properly. This is especially true as our sense of self, self-image, and entire personality falls heavily into these hurt emotions. Since we "tell" ourselves mainly through this injury— as not enough (not adequately great, not sufficiently small, not sufficiently achieved, not sufficiently "complete," etc.)— we rob ourselves of that essential, continuous nourishment that we need to encounter more. So, our double-binding is there. We can't see our worthiness to be filled and to see our worthiness. We can't fill ourselves. So how are we supposed to get here? Thankfully, the Bridge to Self-Love is an intermediate step, a "condition" that bridges the gap between that self-rejection deficiency state and the

normal sense of self-love. It's a place that allows us to keep getting nourished, given the self-negative feelings, so we can restore and reawaken the inherent sense of being all right and necessary. And the middle position is self-acceptance and respect for oneself. Unlike that mystical, distant land of self-love, it's remarkably easy to find this intermediate place -- and incredibly strong. Self-acceptance and kindness are not about trying to convince yourself that you are good or effective (or whatever) at the moment when your damaged emotions warn you that you are not. And it's not about having to kill yourself and correct what's "wrong" with you so you can fulfill the intense, perfectionist vision. Neither of these responses gives you a lot. Getting into this middle position requires nothing more than handling oneself in reaction to these painful feelings and stressful times with patience and compassion. Let's be clear about this. These wounded feelings you don't deny. You don't doubt it's hard. You simply respond in a different way to these painful feelings. Serving' You' instead of the Wounded Feelings You're taking a different' role.' You're taking a step backward and realizing that, as intense as these wounded feelings sound, they're just that: wounded feelings. They are feelings that a wounded place creates. In fact, they don't give you accurate information about your dignity. They only warn you of a hurt, wounded position. And you choose to be compassionate, caring then healing with yourself in the first place in reaction to that hurt position.

Note the difference again. You choose to handle yourself with dignity, care, and compassion rather than crumble into these fake, self-negative feelingsinstead of believing them, viewing yourself as a corrupt person, and driving yourself even harder. By adding kindness and understanding to this painful place, you react to this painful signal. Note, it is not about "fixing" yourself to regain your self-esteem. It's about self-FEEDING. Your task is not to please oneself or your life's "wounded" perception. Your task is to fix the wound at the heart of it: to feed the poor, judging spot. And you do this by coming to this position with patience and compassion rather than harshness. In reality, a sign of your bruised self-esteem is the determination and toughness to repair yourself. A strict response is a continuation of the bite, refusing behavior. So, if you choose to treat yourself calmly and compassionately instead, you break that self-hardened pattern. Despite terms of what you "know" is wrong with you, when you can step back to continue to be compassionate and embrace yourself, the real sense within you continues to be nourished. It's waking up. Your positive sense of self becomes stronger and stronger when you pursue this strategy. And just to be sure about that. Self-acceptance doesn't discourage you from taking positive steps for your growth and progress or make the necessary changes in your life. These efforts actually require you to be particularly supportive, patient, and self-approving. This is the same strength you need to recover, improve, and push on.

For these difficult moments, give it a drug. And the more these positions become sensitive, so unpleasant, the more caring, gentle, and cautious you need to be with yourself. The challenge we encounter in learning to love ourselves is that the particularly painful emotions correlated with damaged self-esteem have the unpleasant capacity to "erase" our sense of self-esteem and self-worth altogether... And, in essence, we can't find love for ourselves. We have to be prepared for this very "natural" answer to our wounds. And consider it with sympathy. Patience and patience, thankfully, are expressions of kindness. Especially when they are directed at you, and this little move will start to bring you back to you immediately: back to fullness and back to life. Are you enjoying yourself? 3 Symptoms that give you your self-love deficiency It may seem like a stupid question at first, "Will you esteem yourself?" but it's a very significant question that deserves a true answer. Does it make you smile when you hear this question, or does it make you cringe a little? This would be your first sign of the above issue, based on your response. If you respect yourself, when you are confronted with this problem, you should feel good. Check out below the 3 indicators that will alert you whether you lack self-love or not. First, ask yourself if you believe that self-love is an act of selfishness? Most people believe it's self-love or it's selfish. It's not real. Have you ever heard of the saying, "If you don't respect yourself, nobody else can love you?" That assertion has so much validity because; knowing oneself provides an awareness of how to live.

Second, do you need other people around you to praise? If you are constantly searching for approval, this is also a good indicator of lacking self-love. It's a must to know how to create internal self-love. Third, do you need to make others happy about yourself feeling happy? If you're trying to make someone happier for yourself, only having a little joy, then it's time to ask yourself, why? It's okay to enjoy doing things that make others happy, but if it's not balanced with your happiness, it might be another sign that you lack self-love. Don't hesitate if you lack self-love. It's easy to create. The first move is to realize that you need it.

Does your lack of self-love affect your children? If you know that you lack self-love in the back of your mind, should you worry about how it affects your kids? Absolutely. Absolutely. Children pick up everything in their environment and internalize it. So, if you know that you don't have self-love, you can bet that your kids know that too. You can also guarantee that the same lack of self-love emerges for your family. There's no hesitation! Discover 2 strategies to build self-love inside yourself as well as help your kids develop self-love. 1. Take care of yourself every day. Remember to do simple things like taking vitamins, eating whole foods, and going out on walks to energize your body. When was the last time you prepared on your own and had a candlelight bubble bath? But did something else rejuvenate you? We often get distracted in the hectic day-to-day everyday life by taking care of our jobs, debts, and families, which contributes to gradually forgetting to take care of yourself. Starting today, do one thing that's healthy for you every day, all you. We are stronger caretakers for our family and friends when we are no longer drained, depressed, or frustrated. It teaches the kids how to value themselves naturally because they see you loving yourself. 2. Embrace your faults or (shortcomings) Let yourself and your kids realize that making mistakes is OK; life is not about being flawless because there is no perfection. Life is about learning and growing, and only if you look at our failures as a gift can we do this. It's not hard to learn how to accept yourself, but it requires deliberate reflection and knowing that you're losing it. Learn how to love yourself for your sake and for the sake of your children.

A self-love exercise 1 The exercise is called The Mirror Exercise, and why. Each night before you go to bed, ideally after you've washed your hair, brushed your teeth, placed on your phi’s, etc., seeing a mirror in your house that you'll be able to stand for a few minutes in front of you. If you're married or have a roommate, you're going to want to ask them to give you a few minutes to yourself because you will have to do this exercise alone to get maximum results. So, find a mirror in your bathroom or office, and stand alone in front of it. Only stay there for the first few seconds and look at yourself, deep in your mind. You may never have done this before, so it's going to feel weird or awkward, and you might find yourself turning away from the mirror! Ensure this is natural, then simply turn your gaze back to your eyes and give as much love and acceptance as you can. Look at yourself and see what the outside world looks like. Look at your eyes, skin, forehead, nose, etc., and look at the rest of your body if you're standing in front of a fulllength mirror. (If you're brave enough to try this nude workout, go for it! But you don't need to get quick results) After you've just stared at yourself for a couple of seconds, say "I love you" softly to yourself and then tell your full name. Do your best to stick with any positive or negative thoughts that come up. They're just feelings, and you can accept them and let them be. Then you want to think about things you're proud of yourself to accomplish. These can be big or small stuff, but you're trying to find 5-10 things you've done during the day you can enjoy yourself. Here are a few reasons, "I'm so proud of you eating a healthy meal." "I'm so proud of you completing the report you said you'd complete." "I'm so proud of you reading a bedtime story in front of the bed for the family." The aim is to remember yourself and enjoy the stuff you've done during the day. Again,

aim for 5-10 things, and remember that you're telling yourself these things loudly! When you continue to look at yourself in the mirror, love and compassion pour when much as you can for yourself. Now you want to discover things you love about yourself and remember them. Of starters, "I love you getting such beautiful eyes." "I love you being such a loyal friend." "I love how talented you are." "I love how toned your muscles are." You should focus on things you enjoy about yourself that are either tangible or more connected to who you are as a person. The key is to find stuff about yourself for which you can still love and appreciate yourself. Eventually, to end this exercise, look a couple more seconds deep in your eyes and then say out loud one more time, "I love you," and then your email. And this is it! Write down some harsh opinions you'll make about yourself in your brain for two weeks. For example, "I'm ugly. I have bad hair, bad teeth. Nobody likes me. I'm always late. I'm always fat. I'm always fighting. I'm dumb." If you have any of this kind of conversation, write down all the assumptions you encounter on a piece of paper. This is your "victimizer type" story. You also have a "victim side" who makes certain decisions on an ongoing basis. The second part of this practice is to go to a room where you will not be bothered for at least thirty minutes. Read your judgment sheet loudly (up and down the list) for about fifteen minutes until the drama has significantly diminished. It vocalizes the (shadow persona) "victimizer self." Experience the "victim selves" in the last fifteen minutes. There are a lot of possible emotions like guilt, terror, rage, and sadness. Only settle down and feel the influence of self-judgment for fifteen minutes. This is often not heard because the criticism comes in one thing at a time as a sub-audible trickle.

Now at one point, you've just poured so much stuff on yourself, and you sense it. After three times during a span of two weeks, you have completed the victimizer/victim component. Then you can take the final step. For at least four months, this last aspect of this task is to counteract negative beliefs. Write new positive statements similar to every negative statement you've created for yourself. For instance, if you've said, "I'm still late," you might respond, "Because I'm always on time, my life works wonderfully." Every time you hear yourself thinking something derogatory about you, stop saying the same positive statement. Assert that you choose to look positively at yourself. Whatever you're concentrating on is getting bigger! You also have to overcome the shame of previous events. It's helpful to keep in mind the following premise, "I don't regret..... no regrets for anything I've ever done." You can't beat yourself up for what you've already done because these things can't be changed. You have to pardon yourself. Everything won't work as well until you forget all you've ever achieved that you haven't enjoyed. The recovery involves several specific processes. Change your pessimistic belief system as mistakes fall into your consciousness. Be mindful that you are going to make various choices in the future. Today, by making better choices, you will respect that pledge. It's a pledge you're keeping to you. You have to do what you say, and you'll feel better about yourself as you achieve your new goals. Finally, it's an awareness decision. Without remorse and without continuing to act unintentionally, you can choose to take full responsibility for your actions. You should agree not to compare yourself and others. When you realize that some of them are simply ignorant, you can choose to love people. That's all right. They do not know their issues because they are too blind to properly perceive themselves. Compassion arises from the lack of

unrealistic expectations of others. "No expectations, no loss." Knowing that some people just don't know what's righties compassionate. You know they won't understand, so that they won't act reasonably (from your point of view). Soon, you'll be able to stay for days in states of great joy as you accept people where they are. Not having to change things will take away a great deal of internal pressure. Acceptation is a non-resistance condition. It's better to go with the ride and the experience costs you. There's nothing to avoid because everything is there to support you. It takes years to accept this idea, but if you can do it, it helps. By doing this workout, transmute your self-anger into self-love.

A Self-love Exercise 2 Do you remember the list of 10 things you love about yourself? I want you to ask yourself, what do you now love about yourself? Compare your two lists and see what all changed. Additionally, answer the powerful coaching questions at the end of this book. I am confident that within you is lying the answers that you are seeking for. Remember, you have the all-powerful one on the inside. I want to empower you to look within instead of always looking without. I hope that you have a little more confidence after much reflection and answering powerful questions. If nobody has told you yet, allow me to be the first. I am so proud of you! Self-love equals self-esteem. For example, as a student, you can have high self-esteem and low self-esteem as a rugby player. As an employee, you may feel completely comfortable but be terrified by public speaking. You may feel great about your singing ability, but you have low self-esteem when writing a report. When your self-esteem is weak in a certain environment, you usually avoid the behavior and try to fill your day with tasks representing your trust areas.

Chapter 4: (Day 3) Facing Fears and Moving Forward Fear is a biological and chemical response to real or imagined danger. It is a protective instinct designed for self-preservation. Your body responds to an emotional threat the same way that it responds to a physical one. The problem is when the intensity of the response does not line up with the actual danger. This can be amazingly ground-breaking. As a whole, we have fears, yet it is entirely expected to attempt and disregard them. Facing your feelings of trepidation in life will assist you with defeating them. Take as much time as necessary. Simply accomplish something that takes you totally into nature. Get your shoes off, lay on the ground, and appreciate the world's touch holding your weight underneath you. Grab your journal and make an honest list of your fears. To face them, it is essential to identify them first. Take small steps or one step at a time. Remember that fear is a natural and normal part of our evolutionary heritage. We need a fear response, so we know not to run out into traffic or put our hand on a hot stove. Of course, problems arise when our fears are unfounded or exaggerated. Learning to face our fears can be powerful, especially if it’s done in a systematic way, such as exposure therapy.

Acknowledge Your Feelings Feelings don’t go away when we ignore them. They build and build until they explode all over the people around us, and the fallout is not appealing. Telling yourself that your feelings are silly or unreasonable is not helpful; it only diminishes your confidence because you are saying your feelings don’t matter. Although our feelings are not necessarily always helpful or accurate, they are still worth acknowledging. Distract yourself from the negative feeling, put it in a box up on a shelf, and refocus on getting through your fear hierarchy, one step at a time. If you can identify the thoughts leading to the negative feelings, run them through a thought record, and reframe them. Get to the root of the feelings, but never discount or dismiss them. Your feelings will grow stronger if you do not acknowledge them.

Keep Your Sense of Humor This work can grow tiring, and you may become discouraged. Be sure to find joy and humor in the process. Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you mess up, embarrass yourself, or have a setback, it’s okay. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine, and keeping your sense of humor will help you remain positive and on track. Not to mention, you’ll be more fun to be around.

Change Your Stress Mindset Choosing to embody a positive stress mindset keeps you in line with the other strategies you have learned and contributes to building confidence. As you go through stressful events, remind yourself that each one is an opportunity to learn, increase your resilience, and prove you are capable and strong. You will become more and more confident as you realize you got through it, even if you had to claw or crawl along the way.

Find People Who Can Support You Having positive, supportive friends and family members who are behind your 100 percent can make a huge difference, especially if you need a little extra motivation. Overcoming fears takes commitment—not just in terms of time but also mental and emotional work. Ensure those around you support your efforts and don’t let you feel guilty about taking care of yourself. If they understand what you’re doing, they’ll be less likely to complain if you’re a bit distracted and more likely to encourage you during setbacks.

Plan for Setbacks Setbacks will happen. If you’ve ever attempted to sleep train an infant, start an exercise routine, or support someone through an addiction, you know they are inevitable. You may have relapses, and that’s okay. Here are some common setbacks along the road to increased self-confidence: Finding yourself back in negative thinking patterns. Practice forgiveness and know this is part of the process. Use a thought record to reframe negative thoughts, recite your mantras, and practice self-compassion.

Have Patience with Yourself Be patient with yourself in every phase of this process. I know it can be difficult when you seem to be progressing at a snail’s pace, but remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. You are making significant changes in your thinking patterns, core beliefs, and fear responses. This is not small stuff, and it does not happen overnight. Real change takes practice and time to develop new ways of thinking and believing. If you become frustrated, go back to the mantras (I am doing the best I can right now, and that’s okay), acknowledge the feelings (I am feeling frustrated right now, and that’s okay), and recognize how far you’ve come. Small steps are not insignificant. Every achievement, big and small, is moving you closer to your main goal.

Celebrate Every Step Practice gratitude in every step you take. Be thankful for the journey. You are an amazing creature, and you were put in this world for a reason. You can work toward these changes, no matter how long it takes. For every obstacle, you overcome, for every moment that brings you pride, practice gratitude. Celebrate every moment of progress. Each step is necessary, each learning experience brings new knowledge, and even the tiniest bit of progress is getting you to your goal of enjoying more self-confidence.

Defusing Painful Thoughts Let’s be honest. Sooner or later, bad things happen to good people. This is part of the journey. We have to accept it—even the happiest people in the world experience negative emotions like sadness, anger, or disappointment. But you have a choice: You can see the bad experience purely as that: As something horrible, a catastrophe and suffer, or you can look for the lesson this hardship contains, use it for your personal development, and make the best out of it. You can use the sad moments in your life to teach yourself to enjoy the happy moments even more and to be more grateful for everything you have in life. Overcoming hardship can even strengthen your self-esteem and selfconfidence. The next time a bad experience comes around, you already know you can bounce back and come back stronger than ever before because you’ve done it before. If you learn the right lesson, hardship can make you a humbler, patient, empathic, resilient, and even happier person. Many times, the happiest persons have had the saddest personal stories in their life.

Exercise: Using Exposure Therapy to Overcome Fears Fear is a powerful deterrent. It is a survival mechanism, a chemical reaction in the brain's lizard part designed to recognize the danger and survive. The fight-or-flight response is necessary for the survival of any species. Still, when that response is activated inappropriately, it can feel impossible to get yourself out of the danger mindset. People who experience anxiety know that everything in their brains screams “DANGER, DANGER, DANGER!” even if the situation is not, in fact, dangerous. Their fight-or-flight response is so elevated and overactive. It lies about the true nature of the situation or event. With simple phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other anxiety disorders, the brain makes an incorrect connection between danger and an event, an object, or a situation. The elevated response may continue even when the immediate danger ends, such as in incidents of abuse, trauma, or peril. The primary goal of exposure therapy is retraining the brain to learn there is no danger. This is commonly used to treat anxiety disorders. Exposure therapy works by purposefully exposing you to an event, an object, or a real or imagined scenario that evokes high levels of distress and panic. The exposure is conducted in a controlled environment with a trained therapist present to provide support and teach relaxation and coping skills along the way. Throughout the exposure, you learn that you are safe, that there is no need to escape or use compulsive behaviors to decrease anxiety because you have been desensitized to the feared situation or object. Exposure therapy can be divided into three categories. In vivo, exposure is done in real life. For example, in treatment for the phobia of spiders, a client would be exposed to the source of anxiety (a spider) in person. Imagined exposure uses the client’s thoughts and memories of a real or

perceived threat as the exposure. In a case of a military veteran with posttraumatic stress disorder, vivid memories of the traumatizing events would be used, rather than placing the person in a real-life traumatic scenario. Interoceptive exposure therapy uses purposeful exposure to bodily sensations of panic and anxiety, such as elevated heart rate and shortness of breath, to desensitize the client to the fear response. You can use exposure therapy to help you overcome fears, and it will inevitably lead to increased confidence. Remember to start with tasks that cause only minimal anxiety and increase slightly with each step. Keep the steps small to avoid feeling overwhelmed and experiencing excess fear. Practice relaxation and meditation exercises before and after you tackle each step. Visualize yourself completing the task. Repeat mantras to keep yourself full of positive thoughts, such as Nothing bad is happening. My anxiety is lying to me. I can do this; there’s nothing to be afraid of. One-way exposure works is through a process called habituation. This means that the more you become accustomed to something, the less it feels like a big deal. It’s more like a habit that is simply a part of your life. Habituation is at work when you no longer notice the sound of leaf blowers in the fall or that rattling refrigerator ceases to annoy you. Another way exposure therapy works is by helping you shift your expectations about what will happen in a given situation. You learn that the chances of something awful happening are pretty slim, and if something awful did happen, you could cope. Comments I hear from people after they successfully complete exposure therapy include: “I can function when I’m feeling anxious.” “Anxiety goes away with time. It doesn’t last forever.”

“I still don’t like anxiety, but I know it’s not going to kill me.” “I’m stronger than I thought I was.” If you have made an inaccurate connection between failure and danger, you likely have a deeply held core belief that failure is not an option. Failure is dangerous. To fail is to let my family down. To fail is to let myself down. This core belief may cause the anxiety you feel when you think of failing or making a mistake. Find the evidence to refute this belief. Redefine what it means to fail. Is it a failure if you tried your best, but the outcome was not what you expected or wanted? Or does the true definition of failure have more to do with not trying in the first place? Only you can answer that, but I encourage you to work toward acceptance of the latter definition. It is okay to worry about the outcome. It is okay to want to get it right. But if you think mistakes make you any less of the amazing person you are, check that belief at the door because it is no longer welcomed in your new confident thinking patterns. Remember, it’s most important that you allow yourself to make these changes. Once you’ve decided to overcome these fears, you owe it to yourself to try. No one can do this work for you, but no one has as much to gain as you do.

Chapter 5: (Day 4) Knowing Yourself (Selfawareness) As you work to grow in different places in your life, it is essential to know yourself truthfully. This is not to say that everything about us needs to change, but it is healthy and perfectly natural to grow in many places. Knowing yourself can help you improve your work principles since you can truly know your constraints and know when you are pressing yourself too hard. You've probably had to make yourself step away from your work more than one party. The appeal of achieving objectives and get personal advancement is discovering the balance of work and play. While it is essential to comprehend your constraints, understanding yourself helps you know what you can't attain and accomplish. If you've not made a trial, you'll not know how much you can truly achieve. It is much simpler to keep yourself motivated when you know yourself. When you contact somebody for the first time, and they asked you to motivate them without giving you any details about their lives, you would have a hard time helping them. How often do you need time to relax? Not just that, you need to understand yourself to have a strong foundation for personal development, but you have to be willing to inspire yourself when things are not right.

The Inherent Value of Knowing Your Strengths Strengths, whatever yours are, are action words. Your strengths are evident in your actions. Strengths are things you develop—deal with, and perfect. When you use or show them, they make you feel capable and not reliable, however natural and at ease. Knowing about your strengths are using them according to their best advantage is empowering and satisfying. When you're on your side, you should feel essentially gratified, pleasing your inner sanctum, giving joy to your spiritual side while meeting the needs of those around you. Your strengths in significant areas are up to you. You are the reason your strengths suffer or grow. Knowing your strengths has to do with understanding yourself, not about promoting yourself. Successful people develop others because they establish themselves first. They find how to handle their weaknesses, and they take risks to build their strengths. Understanding your strengths doesn't mean you are failing. Knowing your strengths allows you to walk in your calling. It allows you to lead at a high level. Some people hesitate for their strengths. Some are scared of walking in their talents. By not doing so, they remove the possibility of failure. Along with that, they also turn down the opportunity of success. Leading from your strengths allows you to invest entirely in yourself, which will enable you to invest adequately in others. Understanding your limitations enables you to do this efficiently.

Growth We tend to feel better regarding ourselves when we live, make reasonable decisions, create desirable high qualities, and polish the harsh sides around the core. We may consider building block 3 as the procedure of putting love right into activity. Expanding does not transform our core well worth, yet it aids us to experience it with higher complete satisfaction. The inner core can also expand as the body ages or ends up being infirm.

Start with completion in Mind. Think about a few of the factors that we have checked out so much: Selfesteem is a quiet and relatively unshakeable sense of satisfaction that stems from acknowledging and valuing our existing well worth and then choosing to love and expand. Instead, one with self-esteem thinks about the wellness of others, along with the health of oneself. Self-confidence can be developed with persistent initiative.

Look after Yourself Taking good care of the body is a great way to strengthen psychological wellness and also self-confidence because the body and mind are interactively connected. If we overlook our physical wellness, we cannot be our finest emotionally. The silver lining is that (1) we now understand just how to maximize physical health and wellness, and (2) the financial investment of cash, initiative, and the time needed to achieve this is very little. Physical health resembles a three-legged stool, which falls if one of the legs is missing out on. The three legs of fitness are workout, rest, as well as nourishment.

Rest We invest a third of our lives in bed. Sleep hasn't been seriously researched up till just recently. Rest deprivation has ended up more common. We now know that insufficient rest negatively impacts mood, immunity, insulin resistance, levels of anxiety hormonal agents, heart disease rates, power levels, weight gain, memory, traffic accidents, and job and sports performance.

Remember That Everyone Makes Mistakes One thing that you need to understand is that everyone makes mistakes. Sydney Crosby has missed a few breakaway goals, for instance, and Usain Bolt has probably lost a race or hurt himself because of pushing his limits too far. Making mistakes is just a part of life; as long as you’re human, you’re going to be making them. If getting over a mistake is difficult for you, try some of the following steps. They are designed to either help you get closure or help you get over the experience altogether.

1. Apologize If your mistake has directly impacted someone, you must apologize to them as soon as possible. Not only is this respectful, but it is showing the other person that you’re responsible and mature enough to say that you’re sorry as well. On top of that, it helps both of you get over whatever happened and move closer to proper closure. Conversely, you don’t have to apologize for something that you have not done wrong. When dealing with self-esteem issues, it’s easy to say that anything that went wrong is your fault, but that’s not always the case. Aside from that, if you’ve said you’re sorry to someone and they refuse to accept the apology, just ignore them and move on. You’ve done your part, and refusing to accept the apology only says more about their character than yours.

2. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes If you make a mistake and you’re afraid of the other person judging you, put yourself in their shoes, and see what you’d do. For example, if someone dropped a plate, would you make fun of them or go over and help them

clean it up? Odds are, if you wouldn’t make fun of someone doing an action, they won’t be making fun of you.

3. Do what you can to make it right If you’ve apologized and you still feel like there’s a little bit of blame you should pay for, try to make up for it by doing something nice for someone. If it isn’t the person you apologized to, try to be nice to someone else so that you can pay it back (in a karma kind of way). This should help you get over the mistake and prove that a little mistake isn’t the end of the world. As mentioned before, mistakes are just a part of life. Everyone makes them and sees other people make them. What’s important is that you’re learning from them and trying your best never to repeat them. Try your best to realize that mistakes aren’t always your fault and don’t always end up negatively. Learn from it and move on.

Chapter 6: (Day 5) Understanding Your Core Beliefs Core beliefs are the real structure of your self-worth: they mainly determine what you can and refrain from (expressed as your rules) and how you analyze occasions in your globe (expressed as your stream of consciousness). Core ideas are frequently misshaped by very early injury as well as deprival. You may have come to see on your own as flawed or not worthy in reaction to injure or rejection. Because no one mirrored back your worth, now you might simply stop working to see it. Transforming your core beliefs requires effort and time, and yet altering them will essentially modify your sight on your own and your setting. Moving unfavorable core beliefs in extra sensible instructions resembles changing a funhouse mirror with a non-distorting one. Instead of appearing like a three-foot nerd, you see on your own as typically as well as effectively proportioned.

Determining Core Beliefs. Familiarizing with negative core ideas is the very first step towards altering them. Like the studs and floor joists of a house, core ideas aren't conveniently apparent; however, everything else rests upon them. If you feel dumb, inexperienced, hideous, like a failing, or negative much of the moment, you might not be promptly mindful of the ideas developing these sensations. However, a large amount of what you do, what you think, as well as what you feel will certainly be a straight repercussion of beliefs whose surprise impact touches every quadrant of your life. To enhance your understanding of your core beliefs, you need to begin maintaining a monologue journal. Such a journal provides you with the possibility to tape-record your stream of consciousness-- your selfstatements-- at times when you're feeling distressed, mad, depressed, guilty, and more. This might not be very easy initially. It can be extremely challenging to capture on your own in the act of thinking unfavorable thoughts. Such ideas can be so ingrained that you need to make a specific initiative just to sort them out from the various other "history noise" in your life. Lots of people have a problem also separating ideas from feelings. As you'll see in the instance later on in this area, sensations can normally be summed up in 1 or 2 words (" unskilled," "insufficient," "beat"). In contrast, thoughts are much more challenging, like fragments of overheard dialogue. Together, your thoughts comprise your very own stream of consciousness. They serve to enhance and verify your standard core ideas.

Laddering and Motif Evaluation Whenever you cannot keep in mind pieces from your internal monologue, use visualization to recall the specific details. Visualization will boost your memory and help provide an accurate account of your feelings and selfstatements. After you've videotaped your self-talk for one week, you can assess it to reveal the core ideas that may be sustaining much of it. You can do this by utilizing the strategies of laddering and also motif analysis. Laddering reveals core ideas via questioning declarations in your monologue journal. The questions offer a method to look methodically for the ideas that underpin your self-statements. Follow this with an additional concern that examines your response to the first inquiry regarding its definition for you. The 2nd question should be stated as: "What does that mean to me?" I am currently addressing the questions, ending up each round with a repeating, "What does that mean to me?" Like the rungs of a ladder, this procedure of repeating will certainly lead you down into the depths of the core ideas underlying each self-statement. Here's exactly how the process benefited George: What happens if I am a….? What does that mean to me? It suggests that people will constantly make the most of me. Suppose individuals will constantly take advantage of me? What does that mean to me? It means that I'll constantly obtain the short end of the stick. Suppose I constantly obtain the short end of the stick? What does that mean to me? It indicates that I'm a sufferer.

What happens if I am a victim? What does that mean to me? It indicates that I'll never do well in anything I try to do. George was able to quit below: he'd reached the core idea underlying his overheard thought, "What a chump!". Avoid addressing your questions in the laddering procedure with sensations (" it implies I'll feel afraid and also overwhelmed") because it leads no place, as well as does not use your beliefs. Confine your answers instead of statements that reveal presumptions, verdicts, and ideas. The other strategy for disclosing core beliefs is motif evaluation. This procedure involves browsing for a style that repeats itself throughout most of your problematic circumstances. George saw inexperience or stupidness as a style in much of the situations that made him feel uncomfortable. Susie, a part-time registered nurse, read over her checklist of bothersome scenarios that triggered anxiety or clinical depression. Buying a secondhand car. I am not activating Phil, attempting to ask for a raise. Trying to take care of issues concerning my daughter's behavior at college. Examining a doctor's orders for the patient's benefit. When Susie reviewed this listing, she identified a fundamental belief that she is helpless, unable to fix issues, satisfy her demands, and successfully handle a difficulty. Her matching self-talk confirmed this core belief of being vulnerable, weak (" simply a lady ... it'll be incorrect ... he'll never pay attention to you ... it's like shouting in the wind").

You can reveal core ideas by analyzing your diary in this way. Browse for themes suffusing bothersome scenarios and also compose them down.

Knowing Your Rules. Complying with exercises will certainly help you recognize the unspoken rules you've developed to maintain your behavior and feelings in line with your core ideas. Emphasis on the one that seems to have the most adverse impact on your self-esteem if you uncovered more than one core idea in the last workout. Does this belief make you assume you're a failure, unsightly, inexperienced, unworthy? It's time to service, transforming this belief. Sadly, a core belief is so subjective that you cannot examine it directly. You can evaluate the rules derived from them. Streaming from each core idea is a plan for just how to live your life, just how to prevent pain and catastrophe. For instance, if you believe that you're a failure, your policies may include the following: Never try anything hard. Never ask inquiries. Never expect to get ahead. Never experiment with sporting activity groups. Never quit a task. Never test another's point of view. If you believe that you are unworthy, regulations for a living might consist of the following: Never ask for anything. Always work added difficulty. Never claim no to anything. Always make every effort to be perfect. Never admit a mistake or blunder. Never initiate a call with someone you find eye-catching.

Chapter 7: (Day 6) Appreciate Your Body We intuitively know that it’s really what’s on the inside that matters. Our physical bodies shouldn’t have to be a determining factor of our worth, nor should it overbearingly affect how we feel about ourselves. However, this is a difficult concept to grasp for most, especially those who already have a poor self-image. More often than not, they are already dealing with feelings of self-hate and worthlessness, and they may well be on their way to triggering depression or developing an eating disorder in extreme cases. In this sense, a negative self-image will have a huge impact on relationships, no matter what kind. It will affect how we feel and how we interact with others on every level. This almost always puts undue pressure on couples. In a romantic relationship, someone who has a negative selfimage will usually offer encouragement to counter the negativity, hoping to solve it. Even the most well-intentioned words and honest compliments will fall on deaf ears to those with a poor self-image. This will spark additional tensions and inevitably cause the relationship to suffer. It can also affect a couple’s intimacy. Someone who doesn’t feel satisfied with the way they look will typically struggle with intimacy. Feelings of unattractiveness and low self-confidence will cause them to second-guess their partner’s feelings and attraction towards them. They may feel uncomfortable being touched or being naked in front of them. If you feel that you are dealing with a poor self-image and notice that it’s already affecting your relationships and life in general, you should consider having a self-image makeover. Here are some of the things you can do to achieve this, albeit slowly:

Why Do Women Suffer Poor Self Image? Self-esteem is fundamental to identity and a critical ingredient in anyone’s ability to feel genuine happiness. It helps us feel validated from within, but sometimes, this self-worth can sometimes be toppled by external forces despite having a strong resolve. Women are especially susceptible to this as the media and society at large control what is “acceptable,” particularly in terms of appearance, behavior, and societal roles. Body image is all about how we see our physical selves. A distorted body image is an unrealistic perception of one’s own body. The official term is body dysmorphia, and we all have it to some degree. It’s a simple, easy thing to manage with a little rationality and common sense for most women. Growing comfortable in your skin also very much comes with maturity. Not ever feeling attractive enough is an exhausting emotion to harbor. The question, therefore, may be, “Is there a way to stop being too critical of your physical appearance? Will there be a time when you won’t obsess about the tiniest of flaws?” Again, this somewhat comes with age, but if you wish to combat this more proactively, the following are the warning signs of negative or distorted body image to watch out for: Being overly observant of your features when looking in mirrors Obsessively comparing yourself to others Being constantly envious of role models and celebrities Like problems with low self-esteem, a negative body image isn’t something to be solved by sweeping it under the rug. For proper recovery to take place, it’s important to recognize the problem to begin with. To acknowledge the negative feelings that you are currently dealing with.

Discover how to make your body feel comfortable while eradicating the irrational thoughts of not being enough.

Choose to see your accomplishments Dwelling on your outer appearance all the time isn’t going to do you any good. You don’t look like anybody else, and if you keep on comparing yourself to those around you, there will always be moments when you are going to fall short. Instead of nitpicking all your physical flaws, channel your energy into reminding yourself of what you’re good at.

Say no to negative self-talk Women can be extremely critical of themselves; somehow, it’s easy for us to see our flaws when looking in the mirror. While we already know that no one is perfect and there will always be details, we wish we could change ourselves. The ability to accept oneself wholly is what truly sets happy people apart from those who have a negative self-image. This isn’t going to be an overnight change, of course. The transition from negative to positive thinking can take some time, so you have to be patient with yourself. Keep those negative thoughts at bay and do a little more each day to build that snowball of positive self-image bit-by-bit.

Take baby steps If you are dissatisfied with your physical appearance to the point that even shifting your thoughts isn’t working, your list of viable solutions for achieving happiness will become shorter. You can try harder and be more patient when fully accepting yourself, or you can do something to change what you dislike about your body by focusing on one small change at a time.

Open yourself up to others This will be the most difficult for some, but if you want to stop viewing yourself in such a negative light, you need to start letting the people around you know how you truly feel. This is required all the more if you are in a committed relationship. Your significant other shouldn’t be kept in the dark about the anxieties you feel regarding your self-image. You need to open up to them, and in doing so, they’ll better understand what you’re going through, as well as the reasons for your actions and behaviors. The more they know, the more they’ll be able to figure out a way to help you get through your troubles.

Your Body’s Story There are three major components to caring for your body’s physical health: eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough restful sleep. As you work on these areas, be sure to seek out the help of professionals when needed and keep on top of things like medical appointments to ensure your overall physical wellbeing. What you put into your body sends important messages about how much you value yourself and prioritize leading a healthy life. This subject can fill a book on its own. Essentially, you’ll want to consider your current eating habits and strive to make changes to eat right consciously. This includes eating balanced, regularly scheduled meals, including healthy and nutritious foods, eating in moderation, listening to your body signals and hunger cues regarding when you are hungry or full, and avoiding pitfalls like emotional eating or fad diets that set the stage for failure. If you struggle with eating issues, seek out your health care provider's help or, better yet, a qualified nutritionist who can help you find balance in this area. Look at your relationship with exercise and think about what physical activities you currently do and their reasons. Exercise also plays a role in our level of self-esteem. Did you know that exercise releases hormones that create the same neurological effects as antidepressant medication? Exercise can be highly effective in decreasing depressive moods that can aggravate low self-esteem. I can’t emphasize this enough: Make some form of physical activity a regular part of your life. Standing is better than sitting; five minutes spent moving is better than nothing—the point is, every bit helps. Seek out activities and routines that allow you to stay consistent and find enjoyment, with enough variety to stay interested.

Your body does important work while you sleep—this is when it restores and repairs itself! To feel at your best, ensure you are consistently getting enough restful sleep. Poor sleep can leave you feeling irritable and thus more vulnerable to the anxious and negative self-talk messages that chip away at self-esteem. If sleep is an issue for you, it can help create a structured routine around bedtime. Turn off electronics an hour or two before bed, drink some chamomile tea, and spray a little lavender on your pillow. Instead of falling asleep to the television, offer yourself gentler options like a light read or a meditation.

Valuing Your Body Most lowly individuals do not have a confidence problem. They have an insecurity problem. They don’t trust themselves enough that they will make the right decisions. They have some physical insecurity - it’s either they’re too fat, too thin, too short, or too tall. They never run out of excuses why they keep on failing. They don’t believe in what they can do. They don’t believe in their worth. This is not a good thing. How do you expect other people to look at you as if you’re valuable if you don’t see it that way?

Self-Acceptance Self-acceptance is closely linked to "self-image." That's the picture you've built up about how good, successful, talented, or how unhappy and ugly you are. It is an image that has been built up throughout your lifetime. An image that is predominantly based on your successes and failures. Therefore, the first step in improving your self-acceptance is to improve your self-image and to do so. You need to change the way you think about yourself. Apart from enhancing your self-image, learning to accept yourself as you are now, with all your flaws, is the most important thing to do. You can change some of your faults, deficiencies, and so on, and you should try to change them, but you have to accept them for now. Some people feel that they are too thin, too overweight, too tall, not intelligent enough, have too big ears, or don't have enough hair. If you have such flaws, it's crucial not to blame yourself— in many situations, they're stuff you've been born with and can't do anything about. You don't have to be great, and no one is flawless. Explain to yourself: "I'm not fine, but so what. No one is, and I'm going to make the most of what I have." Be your own. And the main reason is that your wellbeing and prosperity rely on your self-acceptance to a large extent. Yes, without it, it's difficult to be content or productive. So stop trying to be perfect; look at yourself as you are. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to improve yourself in any way you can— you should. Often, your friends and associates have a great impact on your selfacceptance and self-esteem. Increasing your self-acceptance and selfesteem if you think they have a high opinion of you. On the other side, when you feel people have a low opinion of you, your perception of yourself usually falls apart. Therefore, it is important to ensure that this does not occur. Yeah, don't care about what others think; you're always right

in most situations. However, it is important to remember that, unless you let them, no one can make you feel bad for yourself. People often make remarks that are harmful to others without realizing it (and they do it on purpose, of course, sometimes). Don't be serious about taking them. No one has anything to do with how you think for yourself— if you permit it—train to ignore them. Sit down and mention your achievements is one of the easiest ways to boost your self-acceptance and confidence. You might not think you've got a ton, but you might be shocked. Consider the milestones you've reached, the honors you've got, the years you've spent in school or university. Think of your successes at school, your interests, etc. Write to them when you're finished. When you talk of them, take pride in them. Tips on Self-Acceptance Change Don't try to impress others. Reflect on your life's positive things. They love it. Do not disregard our faults and shortcomings— accept them. Don't think about them, so promise yourself that you will resolve anything that can be solved. Choose a role model— someone you look up to and respect— and imitate their good points. Set targets. You still feel good at achieving goals. Do not apologize; do not constantly blame anyone, and do not whine. Know from your mistakes. Occasionally recover the "best moments" (in your memory). Mind your unique talents.

Note that they all have stuff in themselves that they don't like. You're not on your own. If you start to worry about something you don't like about yourself, say to yourself, "Nobody's great. I'm not good, but neither is anyone else, and I'm a guy. Self-confidence Like I discussed at the beginning of the book, selfconfidence has to do with how comfortable you're in your skill. Sit down to mention all the stuff you truly love doing, then make a list of your weaknesses while you're at it. Do they suit the things that you love to do? You'll have to worry about how to get them back if they don't. What are you going to need? Further training? Further workout? Get that. Get it. First, reflect on your abilities and think about your weaknesses. This doesn't imply you ought to build an unreasonable self-image; it implies you ought to be frank to yourself. You should look at your skills and weaknesses carefully but always stress the positive. We've also met people we respect, and often because they are so selfconfident, the main reason we appreciate them. Trying to emulate them correctly is not a good idea, but you can learn to mold them and integrate some of their best features into your character.

Exercise- A Body Appreciation Meditation Know what you can bring to the table. Are you a good negotiator? Are you a good passer? Are you a good songwriter? Are you a good teacher? Whatever your skills are, nurture them and show them to the world. We all have something to contribute to this world. It doesn't matter what it is. For some, it'll be solving the water crisis; for some, it'll be as simple as being a mango farmer. One doesn't have to be "bigger" than the other. We're all unique with our own set of gifts. Our job is to use that gift in the best way possible. Value your body before anyone else does. As you begin reflecting on the things you like and dislike about your body and appearance and simultaneously begin paying more attention to society and the media’s impact on your self-image, see if you can shift your focus from trying to measure up to impossible standards to appreciate how amazing your body truly is. Rather than focusing on looks, think about all of the things your body does and the ways that different parts of your body help you live and achieve your goals. What are some things you can be appreciative of about your body? Research has found that body dissatisfaction and self-esteem are closely linked. As one increases, the other decreases, so it’s important to begin paying attention to society's messages that impact your body image and consider how you feel about your image. Having an appreciation for your body and general contentedness with your appearance is both parts of selfesteem; however, having a good and realistic body image doesn’t always ensure high self-esteem. It’s simply one piece of the puzzle. A Body appreciation meditation

It’s time to follow the list below for appreciating yourself. Find a calm, silent, fresh room are you are ready to start. ✓ Find a comfortable position to sit ✓ Be calm and relax ✓ Breathe in and out deeply ✓ Allow your body to expand ✓ Fill your body with air and relax ✓ Focus on how you breathe in and out ✓ Inhale and exhale slowly ✓ Relax again ✓ Allow your breathing to attain its natural rate again ✓ Free your mind ✓ Allow the breathing to disappear from your consciousness ✓ Relax again ✓ While your eyes are shut ✓ Focus on your heart, where love resides ✓ With a calm body and mind ✓ Focus on your heart and feel its beating rate ✓ Be calm ✓ Focus on the energy of love emanating from your heart, then tap into it ✓ Allow the energy to expand and travel across your body

✓ As you feel the energy cutting across your body, feel your self-esteem growing too ✓ Feel relaxed ✓ As you experience the strength within you ✓ Envision yourself sitting in front of a large mirror ✓ A special mirror with an old but amazing frame ✓ Be calm ✓ In the mirror, you see something beyond a physical reflection of yourself ✓ You see your essence and light ✓ You see how amazing and extraordinary you are. ✓ Enjoy the beautiful and intense light radiating from you ✓ Feel the beautiful scene with so much amazing light glowing from you ✓ Not even the mirror could contain your newly found awesomeness ✓ To show you the meaning of the light, you see your gifts and talents. ✓ While still calm, you see your abilities and creativities ✓ You see how wonderful you take care of yourself ✓ You see your kindness, taking care of others with compassion ✓ While still calm, you can see your amazing personalities ✓ The mirror also shows you the attributes that lead to your goals and dreams ✓ The attributes that represent your uniqueness ✓ See the gifts, talents, attributes, and abilities as yours

✓ But to be shared with the world as you are the only one who can help the world with it ✓ Feel calm again ✓ See what the mirror asks you to do with the gifts ✓ Be calm and observe ✓ Observe the answers in clear images and your thoughts ✓ Everything is valid; you have accepted it all ✓ See life from an external viewpoint ✓ Observe yourself as someone else ✓ Someone who loves and appreciates you unconditionally ✓ Someone who respects you deeply ✓ Now, see the amazing things they say about you ✓ A long list of great qualities that you possess ✓ Observe the images of your life, showing your qualities in the mirror ✓ While still being calm, see your human form showing gradually on the mirror ✓ See the physical representation of yourself ✓ However, now you can see some limited parts ✓ You can see the flesh part, but some parts are not yet revealed ✓ Because you have so much more to give to the world ✓ So, you don’t pay attention to only your physical body ✓ Otherwise, you will lose the crucial parts of your being

✓ Now, you see your being in a different light ✓ A more loving and appreciating eye beyond the obvious ✓ See yourself smiling inside and outside; feel the love and selfappreciation of your whole body ✓ Now repeat these powerful affirmations: ✓ “I love you deeply and unconditionally.” ✓ Observe how nice you feel ✓ Then say again, “I forgive you.” ✓ Relax and say again, “I accept you completely and unconditionally.” ✓ Now, you can feel the magic of “self.” ✓ Allow the feeling to grow until it’s bigger than yourself ✓ Observe how the feeling rises to the end of the earth and beyond ✓ See how your self-esteem grows exponentially ✓ Be calm ✓ Envision the love that you have for others ✓ See the love in the form of bright confetti falling on you ✓ A true feeling, yet magnificent all over you ✓ Keep smiling and enjoying the moment as your self-esteem continues to rise ✓ Now, hold the feeling dear as you prepare to return to the present moment ✓ Open your eyes with so much love and self-acceptance and appreciation

Chapter 8: (Day 7) Building SELF-ESTEEM Self-esteem set up for Success Now we begin to understand who we want to be and what we need to know, we must build a set-up for success. They are thinking about positive selfesteem affirmations. Creating women's self-esteem helps us to conquer all challenges in our life to pursue something we want. Be confident is the first step to regaining your self-esteem. But it's said more easily than done. You've got to work on it. Positive thinking doesn't ignore reality. Although bad things can happen to positive and negative people, there is a tendency for the gung-ho types to make the best out of a bad situation. You are confronted by other people's sometimes toxic diatribe against the universe, other people like yourself. If you are unwilling to deal with it, you may end up living in a state of suspended madness. Or better still, by "training to be self-sufficient with the insufficiency of stuff," you could quietly step back like some Jedi knight to cope with these "interruptions." To be content with your way of being. It doesn't say you're starting to look like a frump, or you're going to plant. But be good with yourself, and several notches go up in your self-esteem. Remember that the road to building your self-esteem is not without minor potholes, but there will certainly be no kind white-haired gentleman reaching behind his neck, removing his backbone, and using it as a widesword against you. It's just in the movies. You need to determine what you want in life and then go for it, no matter what others say or do to dissuade you because it's not your life. I always say you've got one shot of life on earth, so do the best. Don't let anyone hinder your self-fulfillment and stop

you from doing so. And most notably, never bow down to those around you and give up on your vision of self-fulfillment.

All you have to do is trust in yourself and your wishes. The killer of women's self-esteem, "I'm not great enough," is just as common in men. There are subtle differences, but there are the same' feelings.' These feelings of indignity are the greatest saboteur of a happy life that exists and are inflicted on them. The "I'm not good enough" mentality can ruin every effort you try to better yourself. It will only encourage you to enter a condition you embrace, but it will take you right back into line once you go past your boundaries. Typical feelings are "I'm getting ahead of myself," "You're kidding yourself." "You're a joke, and besides that, you're also ugly." "Grow up, take a grip, face it... You've got to settle for less. "Harsh words, but they're thought of by women all over the world. The biggest adversary is the person looking at us in the mirror every morning, and we're punishing ourselves' mercilessly' every day for the perceived shortcomings. We live in a fantasy land of' if only' where fulfillment can only be achieved in fame or fortune and where cash (or better body stuff) will be found. You can only increase self-esteem for women (and men) by being grateful for what is already being given to you. It's a job inside and can only be fixed from within. What you look like, whose arm you are on, or what you own is a worthy pursuit, but if you're inward loathing yourself,' then nothing will bring you happiness. Look inside and hug each other. "If you don't love yourself first, how can anyone love you?" You are who you are, and you can't be anyone else. Begin by acknowledging that and see all the special things that make you, you, about you. Pay attention to what makes you special and be grateful that you have it. There's plenty to be happy for, but while you're gazing at what's bad instead

of what's good for you, you won't see anything. Look for your curiosity, it's there, and it's going to reveal itself. All you need to do is look and find it abundantly. We're both facing problems at some point in our life. Unfortunately, it seems that most people don't know how to let them go, and even though the source of their problems may be long gone, they hang on to them.

Tap into Your Feminine Power by Putting Your Needs First. Waves your self-esteem when you see females that seem to be flawless? Women and girls often receive media images that are brushed with air. Would you like to fall further into the hypothetical bed just by staring at those ideal models? Or maybe you're ignoring some news correlation and suffer low self-esteem from the images you picked up in your family environment. Did you want a girl from your parents? Have you been valued? Are you an awkward teen? Are you a stressed-out mother who ends up putting herself and her needs? Are you a manager who allows her colleagues to dump on her their extra workload? You can turn your self-esteem around whatever the cause and whatever the situation you find yourself in. Like any muscle in the body, the right coaching program will strengthen your self-love, confidence, and trust in no time. Some self-esteem growth suggestions are: 1. Note all the negative messages you have about yourself, your body, value, potential, and limitations, and determine where they came from. Keep in mind that some messages may simply have been

absorbed at an unconscious level, i.e., we may have picked up selfesteem patterns from our moms or other females at home. Burn the list now, and never look back. 2. Create a new chart-full of all the best traits, observations, talents, and comments. Love yourself! Every day read this list. 3. Build a list of your top goals and take baby steps. Think of your career goals, finances, hobbies, spiritual development. 4. Choose to reflect every day on yourself and others' positive aspects and don't take criticism personally. Your new positive outlook might upset those stuck in the dumps, so stay focused on your positive feelings and don't get attached to the trash of someone else. 5. First of all, put yourself! Yeah, you've read it right. Women are often conditioned to be the support person, whether it's for their husband, kids, or manager, or all of the above. Drop the label' martyr' and first place your happiness and needs. Be aware of your body by feeding healthy food and taking care of the needs of your body. Choose to focus on healthy eating benefits rather than the pain and punishment associated with dieting yo-yo. Be emotionally conscious by doing fun and fulfilling things for you. Do not agree to do something with which you are not 100% happy or cancel your plans to accommodate others. In a relationship, compromise is good, but not at the expense of your happiness, and not if it is a familiar habit of giving in.

So, for the sake of goodness-sometimes deprive yourself! You're worth it. By developing your connection with what you believe in, be spiritually aware. Take time to relax and recharge your batteries in nature. Nourish your soul with love, peace, and beauty. It is not an act of selfishness to put your needs first, but rather of healthy self-love and respect. She commands respect and appreciation when a woman puts her needs first. If you have old patterns of giving in, thinking about other people's needs, denying any fun and pleasure to yourself-did those feelings make you feel good? Have you felt resentful and disliked? You only feed your spirit when you give yourself, but you fill the reservoirs of your love and love for others as well. Low self-esteem can impact your productivity; lack of trust can harm your business and personal relationships, impeding your life success. Strengthening your self-esteem and trust can help you realize an empowered you, moving your pursuit of life-long success. Read on to learn three ways to add to your self-esteem and trust. Confidence is generally described as a state of confidence. A theory or observation is accurate or that, given the circumstances, a course of action chosen is the right or most successful. Confidence in themselves and lack of it prevents people from working firmly on what they want to achieve. It's their greatest UN-motivator that little voice telling them they can't do something. What can you do to gain trust? 1. Face Your Fear: Are you afraid of something? Face it in total. It's a great way to boost your faith to do something frightening to overcome fear. So, go on, hop out of that plane (with, of course, a parachute), ride the vehicle,

chat to a big crowd, request for a raise, or whatever scares you. Once it's over, you should feel absolutely amazing. Embrace II Timothy1:7 God didn't give us a spirit of fear. 2. Enjoy Yourself: The Bible tells us to enjoy each other as they respect each other. With most of our relationships, could this be the problem, we don't love ourselves? This may take some practice, and it looks really funny, but try it. It works. Give yourself a big hug when you wake up. Do the same when it's sleep time. A million times before you heard this saying: "How can you expect others to love you if you don't love yourself?" It's true. Practice two weeks of morning and evening hugs, maybe three weeks if you're the stubborn guy, and you'll see how well it works. 3. Eliminate excuses: It is important to resist the urge, if the only mentality, to practice the comparison. In short, excuses for why you might have, ought to have. It might sound like the following, if only. What do you know? Life is short and dwelling on if only scenarios are too short. Suppose you can adjust it or make it better. All you do is do it. If you don't recognize what is and welcome your life's moments. Live, live, live, and live! Don't come with the final statement to the last days of your life. I could have lived a life that was good and full, if that's all.

Exercise Let's consider why building self-esteem is vital before we begin to build it. Self-esteem is a word thrown around a heap, but it means quite a few things. It could mean turning into a rich person for a person of high selfworth, whereas for many women, it could mean having the arrogance to travel for that job that you have always wanted. The best way to specifically define what self-worth means is to think about successful ladies embodying high self-esteem. When you think about this, all that matters may be that it suggests something to you. Write down all the positive traits that this particular individual embodies once you have an individual in mind. There are growing responses to attributes such as self-confidence and commitment. We tend to get an image of who we want to want to be; this is the source of high self-esteem. We tend to want to appear at what we tend to want to achieve now. With Deadlines Is there anything you've ever wanted to achieve, though you didn't think you could? Is there anything you've been told you might not want to do, though? If you answered yes to the questions above, you're in the majority of women. Write down everything and anything in your life you want to know. Remember, no boundaries exist. The only boundaries that we tend to have are those that we tend to impose on ourselves! If you want a high-level organization to become CEO, write it down. Write it down if you want to run a marathon. Whether or not you think you're

going to be willing or not to do any of this stuff is meaningless because we continue to tackle that next problem. Keep in mind setting your dream a deadline. This makes it specific, and that's what your brain loves! Will self-improvement imply more money for women? Self-improvement is described as improving one's personality, skills, reputation, or character through one's actions, and prosperity is defined as a large amount of money, valuable possessions, properties, or other resources. But is self-improvement leading to richness? As a Certified Public Accountant who has dealt in money and wealth, and a person who has been on a journey of self-improvement for many years, I noticed that this does not necessarily mean that I immediately have the level of wealth that I want. Why is it? Is it limiting convictions? I've heard it often that the main culprit is to limit deep-seated beliefs about money and wealth in our subconscious minds, such as money was not spoken of at home or a negative subject when it grew up. Cash, money, or the rich is viewed as ungodly, filthy, and cruel. Feelings of indignity and unworthiness due to low self-esteem. They do not believe that they are smart or sufficiently educated. There's never enough to believe. Believing the Bible is saying that money is evil. Anyone can hold these limiting beliefs, and there are many known techniques (i.e., EFT) to clear or eliminate them.

The Special Problem for many women, when it comes to building capital, there is a unique problem that can only be what stops them from prosperity. Let me explain it to you. Although women now have the most freedom we've ever had in history, most of us haven't embraced financial freedom to build the life of our dreams. Why is it? That way, we are raised! Traditionally, women are raised to automatically expect that others (i.e., marriage, inheritance) can take care of our economic well-being in every way. For this reason, most women are not taught how to build their wealth or even think about learning it on their own. But that way, we don't stay! However, more and more women are becoming the head of the household due, among other reasons, to widowhood, divorce, single parenting, job loss of the male head of house due to illness or layoff, and lack of child support from an ex. Building wealth is vital not only to enjoy life now but later in life to avoid poverty. Self-improvement may not necessarily lead to wealth, but it may lead you to uncover the things that keep you from consistently having, creating, building, and maintaining wealth. So, if you're a woman on a journey of self-improvement, and despite your best efforts, your wealth doesn't improve, consider this inherent belief that

you're going to be taken care of. Maybe it's just what holds you out of the riches you need.

Chapter 9: (Day 8) Managing Stress Stress happens as a response to over the top pressure. It is described as feeling under pressure or unfit to adapt. You may also have physical manifestations like cerebral pains, sweat-soaked palms, and a hustling heartbeat when you are stressed. A little stress isn't commonly viewed as unsafe, yet a lot of extensive stretching can affect your wellbeing. It is critical to figure out how to oversee stress. This remembers figuring out how to abstain from getting stressed for the primary spot and taking activities to diminish stress when it happens. This page talks about both these issues and recommends some straightforward and further developed manners, which can help you to maintain a strategic distance from stress and decrease your stress in life.

Perceiving Stress The initial phase in keeping away from or lessening stress is to perceive when you are stressed. There are various basic signs or side effects of stress. In any case, not every person will encounter them all every time they are stressed. Others may find that they have different signs: for instance, feeling exceptionally tearful or over-emotional. It is useful to know about your 'stress signs' to know when you are getting stressed and take care of business.

Keep a Stress Diary It tends to be useful to keep a 'stress journal.' Every day for half a month, monitor the things you have done, individuals you have met, and how you have felt. This will assist you in identifying circumstances that have made you feel stressed. There are two primary methodologies to overseeing stress: evasion and decrease. A third option is to figure out how to live with it, yet this is most likely not a drawn-out arrangement on the impacts on your wellbeing.

Overseeing and Minimizing Stress The subsequent fundamental way to deal with overseeing stress is to lessen the level that you experience or its impact on you. There are various ways you can do that.

1. Take Care of Yourself Appropriately Individuals are better ready to adapt to stress when their bodies are sound. This is mostly because when you are fit and well, you can adapt. After all, unforeseen weakness is a significant wellspring of stress. There are three principle zones to see: diet, exercise, and rest. Setting aside a few minutes for physical exercise in your standard routine will help improve muscle control, make you feel more beneficial, and build self-esteem. You may feel that you don't have time; however, the advantages will more than reimburse the thirty minutes or so away from your plan for the day. Attempt to improve your eating regimen and maintain a strategic distance from energizers as much as possible could help. An overabundance of caffeine or nicotine can cause people to feel on edge or anxious. It tends to be enticing to go to lousy nourishment to spare time, yet it won't help you in the long haul. Setting aside an effort to prepare dinner, regardless of whether it is just something straightforward, is useful in soothing stress since it causes you to feel that you are caring for yourself. You also need to guarantee that you get enough rest. Try not to attempt to work or do things until you wish to fall into bed. Rather, take thirty minutes or so before you hit the hay to loosen up a little. Doing some physical

exercise can also help you sleep better since it implies your body is worn out. The same can also be said for your psyche.

2. Look for Help from Others Try not to feel that you need to adapt to your issues alone. Requesting help is regularly hard; however, it is an excellent initial move towards better dealing with your stress. Having somebody to share your issues can significantly assist with offloading stress. You may think that it's valuable to converse with a companion or work associate. You can also converse with your line chief or business if you encounter stress in the work environment. It's okay not to be okay. Not every person can deal with their stress levels or oversee them constantly. It is okay to feel like you can't adapt. Be that as it may, it isn't okay to feel that you have to prop up in any case. If you are stressed over your stress levels or are attempting to oversee or maintain a strategic distance from stress, at that point, significantly, you request help. In the primary occasion, you may address or confide in a companion or associate, yet it is also a smart thought to address your PCP or other human services supplier. A few people find that they need a drug to help mitigate the side effects of stress. Drugs might be recommended to treat the prompt manifestations of stress or assist somebody with an emergency. It won't address the reasons for stress in the long haul, so you should also consider how to address them.

Medicine may also prompt reliance, so if you think you need drugs to help with your stress, you should examine your choices cautiously with your PCP or other human services suppliers. You ought to also address your primary care physician if you figure you might be discouraged. Wretchedness is a genuine ailment, yet it is normal and treatable. Numerous individuals also utilize corresponding and elective treatments to assist with controlling stress. There are numerous treatments used to manage stress, including: Aromatherapy Self-Hypnosis Massage Mindful Meditation Yoga Tai chi Music therapy Laughter therapy In summary, many people experience the ill effects of stress sooner or later in their lives. Compressing the reasons for stress and figuring out how to stay away from stressful circumstances will help ease a portion of its negative outcomes. A few people may also think that it's valuable to utilize a prescription or an integral treatment or some type of self-help identified with unwinding to help deal with their stress.

3. Think Positively Your brain is an extremely amazing thing. It can drag you down, and it can also develop you. When we are stressed, it is enticing to concentrate on everything difficult or turn out badly in our lives. Be that as it may, suspecting more positively— for instance, by seeing what has gone well that day or week, or considerably over a more extended period—can affect your state of mind. It is worth deliberately abstaining from dwelling on any disappointments and ensuring that you reward yourself for your victories. You have to acknowledge that everybody has restrictions and can't prevail at everything and think about what you have accomplished.

4. Work to Unwind and Have a Fabulous Time Numerous individuals exclude unwinding or 'fun' time in their calendars, yet both are critical for diminishing stress. Cognizant unwinding is significant for your body and mind, helping you manage the negatives of stress. An extremely wide scope of unwinding strategies has been created, albeit many can be viewed as minor departures from various fundamental techniques. They will spotlight either the physical sentiments of pressure or utilize mental symbolism to initiate silence and tranquility. Maybe the most impressive strategy for unwinding is care. At its most straightforward, care concentrates on the present second, the present time and place, and permitting—through a kind of meditation—stress over the future or laments about the past to dissolve away. Nonetheless, it is also a generally excellent procedure to diminish stress, and you may jump at the

chance to peruse our visitor post on overseeing stress with care to find out additional information. It can also be useful to design time into your calendar to accomplish something that you appreciate. If this is a physical exercise, it might even tick two boxes! Anticipating the occasions when you can accomplish something that gives you joy will help you adapt to less lovely parts of life. You may need to accomplish some work on your time management to assist you with making more time. However, it will be well justified despite all the trouble.

Maintaining a Strategic Distance from Stress Maintaining a strategic distance from stress involves not placing yourself in stressful circumstances. This sounds sufficiently straightforward—and at times, it might. For instance, if you discover traffic jams are stressful, you may decide not to drive to work by car. Or you can arrange a prior or later starting worktime or directly working from home. It might be difficult to deal with certain circumstances. You can do various things, but to make it simpler to maintain a strategic distance from stressful circumstances is vital. These include:

1. Being set up to say no. For some individuals, 'no' is perhaps the hardest word to state. From the time we are little kids, we are instructed that the idiom 'no' is discourteous, that people don't care for it. Be that as it may, figuring out how to state 'no' is a fundamental method to shield yourself from abundance stress.

2. Being set up to make changes to your life.

To expel yourself from stressful circumstances may require you to roll out certain improvements throughout your life—which may, in itself, be characteristically stressful. In any case, it merits considering whether you are set up to do this if you can't stay away from or oversee stress by some other methods.

3. Figuring out how to disparage what can be accomplished. Individuals overestimate their capacities and what they can accomplish in a given time. Start thinking little of what can be accomplished and give yourself additional time. People will be far more joyful if you guarantee less and convey more than the other way around.

4. Knowing your cutoff points and being set up to concede rout. You don't need to take care of each issue on the planet. Nor do you need to stay with a circumstance until it makes you sick. Now and again, the most ideal approach to take care of an issue is to forsake it. It might want to be vanquished to change your activity since you can't adapt to the requests that it is putting on you. Once in a while, getting another line of work is simpler than changing your work environment. Know your cutoff points.

Chapter 10: (Day 9) Relax your mind There are so many tools at our disposal to help us calm our thoughts and relax our minds. Deep breathing, meditation, music, and guided imagery are among the most effective.

Deep Breathing Most of us take short, shallow breaths into our chests. This type of breathing can make you feel anxious. If you pay attention to your breathing, you may find that you’re holding your breath at times, causing tightness in your chest. This deep breathing technique will teach how to take bigger breaths, deliver more oxygen to your body, expand your lung capacity, and release tension. Get into a position that is comfortable for you. You can lie down on the bed or floor using pillows to support your head and knees. You can also sit in a chair that supports your head, neck, and shoulders. Slowly breathe in through your nose and allow your belly to fill with air. Slowly breathe out through your nose. Gently place a hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Your stomach should rise when you breathe in and lower as you breathe out. The hand on your stomach should move more than the one that's on your chest. Continue breathing this way for several minutes. Breath Focus Breathing combines deep breathing with meditation: Close your eyes. Breathe in deeply just as you did in the deep breathing exercise. In the same way, you did your deep breathing exercise. Breathe in. Imagine that you’re breathing in peace. Breathe out. Imagine that you’re exhaling stress.

Now use a word or phrase with your breath. As you breathe in, say it in your mind. Repeat it as you breathe out. Continue breathing this way for several minutes.

Listen to Soothing Music Music has been used for healing around the world for thousands of years. Aristotle considered music an appropriate therapy for certain conditions, and Plato recommended using it to treat anxiety. Music has an enormous effect on our mood. It can make us energetic, sad, joyous, or relaxed. Studies are now proving what the ancient Greeks already knew that music affects many biological processes, including blood pressure, respiration rates, and even reduces fatigue. If you’re feeling anxious or stressed, music may be one of the best ways to calm yourself. While everyone is different, these three types of music are relaxing. There’s probably at least one type that will appeal to you. Sacred chants and mantras Classical Music Meditation music and natural sounds

Meditate Meditation is a powerful tool for relaxing the mind. Not only do you reduce stress while you’re meditating, but studies have also found that over time, the practice of meditation makes you more resistant to stress.

Consider meditating regularly to help you be less reactive to stress and reap the most benefit. Mantra Meditation is an easy way to introduce the practice into your life. Find a comfortable, quiet place. You’ll eventually be able to meditate anywhere. Choose your mantra. A mantra is simply a word or phrase which you repeat to yourself. It can be the traditional Hindu word, “Om,” or you can use something meaningful to you, such as “Love” or “Peace.” Close your eyes and repeat your mantra to yourself while focusing on the mantra and nothing else. Don’t worry if you find other thoughts entering your mind. Simply go back to your mantra. You can start with 5-or 10-minute sessions until you work your way up to 20 or 30 minutes. If you don’t have time for a longer session, you can break it into two shorter ones.

Use Guided Imagery Guided Imagery is a convenient and simple relaxation technique that helps eliminate stress in the body. It’s a vivid daydream which you design yourself. There are classes where a teacher guides you, and you can also use audio recordings. If you like, you can record your own or just use your inner voice and imagination. How to Get Started: Get comfortable by finding a position that will allow you to relax but not put you to sleep. You can use a comfortable chair or sit cross-legged on the floor. Breathe from your diaphragm and close your eyes. Focus on breathing in and breathing out, releasing stress and inhaling peace. Let your belly expand and contract with your breath. Your shoulders shouldn’t be rising and falling; if they are, you’re not yet breathing in a relaxed way. Once you’re in a relaxed state, imagine yourself in the most beautiful and peaceful place. You might be floating in a cool, clear pool of water or sitting by a warm fire while wrapped in a cozy blanket. You may want to remember a place and time where you were relaxed, a scene from a movie or book, or a place you’ve always wanted to visit. Involve all of your senses! What does it look like? How do you feel? What do you smell? Can you hear music or a waterfall? Stay in your happy place for as long as you like. Enjoy the experience and allow yourself to be free of stress and problems.

Once you’re ready to return, just count back from twenty and tell yourself that when you get to “one,” you’ll feel serene. It may seem impossible to believe until you’ve done it, but when you return, you’ll feel refreshed, and it’ll feel like you returned from a minivacation without leaving your room.

Chapter 11: (Day 10) SILENCE NEGATIVE SELF TALK We all engage in self-talk. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you are completely silent inside. All of us engage in self-talk. You just have to allow yourself to catch yourself engaging in self-talk. You are always talking to yourself at some level of others. This does not have to be like somebody who is loudly talking to themselves and having a conversation with themselves in a public area; it can be a silent thought. “I can’t do that!” “I’m the wrong one.” “I’m not good at that.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m horrible at that.” Do any of these phrases sound even remotely familiar to you? How often have you or do you currently speak these words to yourself? Often, we are unaware of our inner voice speaking to us, feeding us negative opinions and information about ourselves. It reminds us of how flawed we are. It tells us we’re unattractive, unaccomplished, and insufficient, which then makes us insecure. The worst part about it is that we listen to it! We entertain ourselves by interacting in negative self-talk, which in actuality is self-sabotaging behavior. We talk ourselves out of opportunities, healthy relationships. We blame haters for not realizing that our hesitancy is holding us hostage, from our very own words we are hearing. You must first identify that the words you speak have the power to create and shape what you will soon see! Now, if you knew the words you were speaking had a direct correlation to the things you were seeing, and thus the life you were living, would you not adjust it accordingly? Let me ask again this way. If you knowingly realized that the life you want to live or even do

not want to live is possessed in the power of what you release out of your mouth, then every word spoken, whether verbally or mentally, would first be weighed to determine if it’s worth it. Now understand that whether verbal or non-verbal, it still holds the same power. What you think will shape what you speak. The mind is the epicenter of power.

Wounds of Words Sometimes the negative self-talk we speak is merely a projection of what other people may have said to us or about us. It could have stemmed from as early as childhood where a parent or family member did not feed you with faithful words. Even relationships or friendships that failed you, but in return, forced you to believe that you forfeited the rest of your life by not being with them. Maybe it was even an employer who caused you to think that you weren’t even worth the cash they gave you. And because you had nothing else to counteract their negative words, you began to wrestle with the “what ifs” that exist within. As a result, sometimes, you subconsciously became a product of the environmental influences that have been speaking to our psyche. We find ourselves believing that we can’t do it. We’ll never be good enough, to let alone enough. This is because we have allowed an enemy to infiltrate our focus and therefore penetrate our peace of mind. We think that the old adage still stands that says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” There is nothing farther from the truth. Words have been the very thing that has created the wounds. Wounds that we yet wind up with for most of our lives. Maybe someone close to you carelessly told you things about yourself, and on the inside, you said it wasn’t you, but on the inside, you realized it was you. Now the real, real you are still hiding beneath those isolated words as you replay them over and over as if you’re trying to convince yourself otherwise. This is what you will have to do. You have to forgive them for planting the words, then forgive yourself for believing them. Understand that it is true, “hurt people, hurt people.” Sometimes the negative words spoken towards you were words someone once had spoken to them. Either way, it’s time to silence them.

Magnify or Minimize By talking about negative self-talk, we must briefly address additional cognitive distortions that distract us from effectively cultivating confidence. To simplify the term, I can best define it by saying. You are out here being lied to by your brain. Get out of your head!!! Our brain will cause us to make connections to very isolated things that should not hold merit together. Two that stick out most to me when working with women, specifically during coaching sessions, are magnifying and minimizing. In hearing the word magnify, the first thing that can come to mind is what you do with a magnifying glass. You take it and make something that was once small and made to be small, and you enlarge it in a way that allows you to see it on a larger scale. This is what we do with the problems we encounter, the mistakes we make, and even the things others say or do. We will disrupt our peace by focusing on these things that should seemingly be less significant and not hold much weight. Instead, we make them larger than life and tell ourselves all kinds of things as a result of it. To keep actualizing self-confidence, you have to first start with silencing that negative self-talk. Negativity only breeds and attracts more negativity, therefore, becoming the very toxicity in your life that you need to let go of. This will rob you of any confidence that you are trying to develop or produce. It’s time to unlearn these behaviors and counteract them with a strategy.

Stop Taking Everything Seriously When you have self-esteem problems, you may constantly feel like the smallest inconveniences are the largest problems. You begin thinking of all of the horrible things that will come as a result of this small stain. Before you can do anything about it, you’ve fallen into the dangerous cycle of overthinking and overreacting. Instead of always seeing the problem in things, try to brush them off and think a little more objectively. If, for example, you did get a stain on your shirt right before a date that you’ve been stressing about for a few weeks, take a step back and see the situation in the bigger picture. Ask yourself, “Do I have anything that can clean the stain?” “Do I have time to change my shirt?” “Can I cover it up with a jacket?” “Is it even noticeable?” Being able to smile about the very things that you seem to find disrupting and annoying can change your perspective in life. Instead of being negative about everything, you’re now putting a positive spin on things and focusing more energy on accepting what you look like.

Celebrate the Smaller Things in Life These small things that we usually don’t think twice about may be the key to improving our mood and, in turn, avoiding the sadness and negative feelings that come along with low self-esteem. When we are stuck, constantly thinking about all the things that are wrong with us and the world around us, we often become blind to the beauties that are right in front of us and miss ample opportunities to give our brain a break and just enjoy something for once. The next time you see yourself standing face-to-face with one of these things, embrace it and do whatever you can to cherish it. Smell those roses and take a picture of them. Smile and take a few minutes to sit outside and enjoy a snack after completing a tedious task. Smile and breathe slowly when you manage to avoid that awkward interaction. We react to the little things like this can make us feel better and push us to see life in a more positive light. In turn, this will slowly transform us to see and enjoy the same little things about ourselves.

Exercise What is the most common negative self-talk I tell myself? ___________________________________________

When do I notice I engage in this behavior the most? ___________________________________________

What has caused me to not think highly of myself? ___________________________________________

What have I negatively magnified the most lately? ___________________________________________

What are the positive qualities about myself that I have minimized lately? ___________________________________________

Chapter 12: (Day 11) Set Goals One of the biggest issues that people with low self-esteem face is the lack of motivation to dream and a myriad of negative thoughts that tell them they aren’t worth anything. They tell themselves that there’s no point in going out and trying to become something because they know they’re going to fail. This causes them never to set goals for themselves or lookout for people to mentor them or act as role models. Over time, this can manifest into the person feeling purposeless and lonely, leading to other mental health issues such as depression. Setting goals are a great way to keep your head above water and give yourself something to work towards. When you achieve a goal that you have set out, you will have a mental boost in confidence, and whatever you thought you weren’t able to do before has suddenly become possible. If completed many times over any given period of time, it can change your life in ways you never thought possible. You’ll be turning yourself into a new person who is more confident in their abilities, happier with what they’ve been able to accomplish, and mentally healthier. Before going on about the kind of goals you can set and how you can slowly work towards them, you need to know what you want out of life and visualize it. What do you want to look like? Where do you want to live? What kind of car do you want to drive? The point of visualization is to give yourself an image of what you’re working towards. You don’t want to worry about the journey; just focus on the destination for now. Typically speaking, the more specific you are with what you’re visualizing, the better.

Setting goals is part and parcel of our daily lives, and every person has to take part in it if they are to achieve anything worthwhile. We have to set goals in all areas of our lives, including our finances, careers, health, relationships, and even our spirituality. We are more and more influenced to aim for what comes next. The goals you set can be either of a personal nature or be of a professional nature, or even both at the same time.

How best to set goals? Be purposeful Setting goals means selecting a certain target, which is important to you, how to achieve it, whether big or small. When you are setting goals, it is important to know what you want to accomplish and what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve your set goals.

Picture your success The easy part is picturing yourself, having attained what it is that you desire. It is an important part, but it is the easy part. Still, setting goals is about acknowledging what you are willing to pay to get what you want. As you are setting your goals, be very specific about what they are. Do not set vague goals; go into details to get somewhere. Think along the lines of what exactly you want to accomplish, how long you think it will take you to get there, the things and skills you will require to get there, and lastly, have a heart to heart with yourself on why these specific goals are important to you and worth your time and effort.

Get a good mentor Still, another thing to do as you are setting your goals and going about to accomplish them is to get a mentor. There is always someone with some form of experience, which is very valuable in the area you are focusing on. With their help and guidance, you can navigate the journey much better and even get there quicker than if you would have done it on your own.

Get educated While you are setting your goals and starting the journey to accomplishing them, ensure you are armed with the knowledge needed in the area you are venturing in. Knowledge is very powerful as a tool for accomplishing

success. Read, learn, listen, and research more and more as you advance as much as possible. This knowledge will prove very valuable along the way.

Base your goals on your passion Set goals also that you are passionate about. Let your goals align with your dreams, and you will be able to enjoy doing them. Doing that which you care for means you do it for more than just maybe the financial rewards, but you do it because it has meaning to your life. This will help you, especially during the bumpy days, to keep your head focused because you truly care for what you have set out to accomplish.

Do not procrastinate Remember, procrastination can be crippling, and therefore, you should never entertain it at all. When you set your goals, do not file them away to be done another day. No. Get started here and now. Most of the time, procrastination comes because we fear the path we are about to undertake and the unknown which lies ahead of us.

Reward your wins To maintain your resilience and positivity as you work on your goals, come up with ways that have meaning to yourself in which you can reward yourself. Set your goals, and once you have achieved something, maybe a step towards the ultimate goal, reward your accomplishment. Maybe treat yourself to something wonderful like a night out or your favorite food or a little shopping. You can plan out several goals, but the two main ones are short-term and long-term goals. Before looking into the ins and outs of setting them, it’s important to know how to properly structure a goal. Luckily, there is an acronym that does just this: SMART. It stands for:

Specific - The goal is specific. Measurable - You’re able to measure when you’ve accomplished your goal. This stops you from aimlessly working towards something without an end goal in sight. Achievable - You can accomplish the goal you’re setting out to do. Relevant - What you’re doing is relevant to where you see yourself by the end of the goal. Time-Based - You’re able to set a deadline with this goal. Here is an example idea: “I weigh 180 pounds right now. I will weigh 170 pounds by January 30th.” For someone who is wanting to lose weight, this would be a perfect SMART goal. It is specific (they want to weigh 170lbs), measurable (they will be able to measure how much they weigh), achievable (there’s nothing saying that this is impossible), relevant (losing 10 pounds will meet their bigger goal of losing weight), and it’s time-based (they have until January 30th to lose 10 pounds). SMART goals are great because they are simple. They allow you to organize and set out many goals at once rather than sitting there, planning them out in your head, only to realize a month later that it isn’t realistic and that you don’t have a deadline. Now that you understand the structure of a good goal, it’s time to look at one of the two main types of goals: long-term goals. Long-term goals are the “bigger picture” goals. The point of them is to give you a huge benchmark to strive for. They usually take months and years to accomplish and require a lot of work and dedication for them to work out. They should follow the same SMART format that was just explained and should be able to be broken down into smaller, more achievable goals.

An example of a long-term goal can be, “I want to have $1,000,000 in my savings account by Christmas.” You can easily work with this and break it down into smaller financial goals and benchmarks you must meet to have that much money successfully. Note: Long-term goals should be something that you’re always working towards. Other examples can include learning a language, completing a degree or certificate through school, traveling a continent, building a house, or assembling a car. Now that you understand what a long-term goal is, it’s time to look at the second of the two goals: short-term goals. Short-term goals are goals that you want to set out and accomplish in a short period of time. (This is usually anytime in between 1 day and 2 weeks.) The point of a short-term goal is to break down the larger goal into more achievable benchmarks that you can use to track your progress and better manage your time and energy. An example of a short-term goal can be, “I want to have $250,000 in my savings account by April 1st.” Assuming this goal is tied to the long-term goal mentioned beforehand, this would be a great way to take the larger $1,000,000 goal and break it down into something smaller and more attainable. From here, you can choose to break it down into something smaller and say, “I want to have $75,000 in my savings account by February 1st.” You can keep on repeating this until you’ve broken the goal all the way down to a weekly money goal. The more short-term goals you have, the better. Note: Don’t be afraid to have many short-term goals working at once. Like how you can have many long-term goals to work towards at once, you can

have even more short-term goals to work towards.

Chapter 13: (Day 12) Find a Purpose This is another very intense but good way to boost your self-esteem and build a stronger sense of confidence. When suffering from low self-esteem, it seems like we are built to throw any hope of accomplishing our goals right out of the window. If you’ve lived with self-esteem issues for a long time, then it is safe to say that you’ve started to lose sight of who you are and what kind of person you’re destined to be. Nevertheless, how do you find a purpose? This can be a tricky question to answer because there are so many ways to do so. While everyone is different and everyone has their purpose, you can do a few things to guide yourself in this journey.

1. Find out what you love and what comes naturally When you’re looking for something that you want to dedicate your life to, it should be something you love. More times than we’d like to admit, we dedicate ourselves to something that we’re not totally in love with and end up being heartbroken when we put a lot of energy into something that doesn’t yield any benefit for us.

2. Know what you want to achieve When we’re looking at what we choose as our purpose, we need to ask ourselves what we want to achieve in things' grander scheme. For many, they want to help others in ways that can never be repaid. Others want to give back to their communities and support those who raised them.

3. Be clear about what you want to do When you’ve finally decided what you want your purpose to be and what you want to get out of it, make it as crystal clear as possible. A clear purpose is a lot easier to work towards, seeing as no confusion can hold you

back. Like how a goal that follows the SMART format is easier to understand and accomplish, a well-structured purpose can help you get where you want to be faster.

4. Talk to others If you still can’t find your purpose after everything, talk to others and see what they plan to do with their lives. While this may not give you an idea of what you want to do yourself, it opens up the floor for a discussion that can steer you in the right direction. All in all, finding your purpose can be a very daunting activity, especially for someone with self-esteem issues. As you begin to look for something that you can dedicate your life to, your brain will start to tell you that you’re not going to ever accomplish it and should just give up. You need to push through these intrusive thoughts and keep yourself on track.

Chapter 14: (Day 13) Take Care of Yourself First The first person whom you should be worrying about in your life is yourself. Before you go out and hang out with others or start spending money on pointless things, make sure you’re able to afford it and that you have nothing more pressing to do first. Knowing how to prioritize can go a long way. Ask yourself, “Is this going to benefit me?” “Is this going to cost me?” “What do I need before I go out and carry out whatever is being asked of me?” On top of making sure that you come first before your friends and coworkers, you must be taking care of your overall health as well. Focus on getting at least 7 hours of sleep, eating a meal full of nutrients, and bathe once a day. If you are in a bad spot health-wise, you will find yourself tired more often, which, over time, can start to affect your mental health and encourage problems like depression to move in and take control. Fatigue can also alter your mood and amplify whatever negative emotion you’re feeling. If you deal with self-esteem issues, this can make the negative selftalk a lot more aggressive and hurtful.

Be Nice to Yourself This is the first thing you should do when you try to improve your selfesteem. Now, this is a lot easier said than done (which you probably told yourself when you read it). That being said. However, it isn’t impossible. It’s important to start slow and look for ways to speak nicely to yourself. Some people find that doing a complete overhaul of their entire personality works best, while others need to put reminders up around the house to get through the day in a positive light. To give you some ideas, below are a few ways you can be nicer to yourself.

1. Display your achievements If you have certificates, trophies, or pictures that you cherish because they highlight some of your biggest accomplishments, display them all over your home and place of work so that you can remind yourself of what you’re capable of. When you begin to doubt your ability to complete any given task, look at these mementos and remind yourself of what you can achieve.

2. Write down 5 things you like about yourself every morning Every morning when you wake up, try and write down five things that you like about yourself. They can be anything you can think of. Do you like how you held the door for that person on crutches yesterday? Write it down. Do you like that you help older adults? Write it down. You will start to notice that, over time, these positive parts of you will transform into physical attributes. Before you know it, you will be highlighting the parts of you that you were once insecure about. Note: You can see a related worksheet to fill out at the back of the book.

3. Spin negative self-talk

When we talk negatively about ourselves, we are usually finding something that is immediately wrong with us. For instance, we only get mad at our waist size when we can’t fit into a really cute pair of pants. When you find yourself getting mad and beginning to fall into the trap of negative speaking, spin the conversation and make it into a positive. So, instead of saying, “Oh my God, I’m so fat! Why can’t I fit into these jeans?” you can say, “I understand that I may be a little large right now, but I want to work out until I can fit into these jeans.” By doing this, you’ve essentially taken the negative self-talk and spun it around and realized the problem, accepted the situation, and found a goal for the future. You now have the motivation to go out there and continue bettering yourself so that you’re able to get the things that bring you happiness.

4. Put up reminders around the house Spend a day taking note of your everyday routine. As you go around and write down the various things you do daily, start to think of places where you can put notes up to see every day. Then, when you’ve found several suitable locations, write a bunch of positive messages on sticky notes and put them in the path that you follow every day. The idea behind this is that you will see positive aspects of yourself everywhere you go, as soon as you wake up in the morning and when you get to bed at night. Slowly, over time, these sticky notes will help you accept who you are and get a grip on your self-esteem issues. Good places to put these notes could be on the side of your bathroom mirror, top of the stove, coffee maker, front door, back door, washroom door, entrance to your closet, and even the dashboard of your car.

5. Don’t hold things in When you’re mad at yourself, you’ll begin to build up numerous emotions. While keeping things inside for the sake of not overreacting in public is a good habit to have, it is unsafe to keep too much for too long. Find someone you can trust (like a close friend) or a medical professional (like a therapist) and have a “vent session.” This is when you sit down and let everything out: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Don’t hold back and say everything you’ve been keeping inside slip out. Crying can also be a very good release of built-up, complex emotions. This will not only make you feel better but saying things out loud can also change our perspective. As you get caught up in the vent session, you may even say things that you didn’t even think as they just slip out. This is where the healing starts to begin.

6. Avoid things that make you hate yourself This is a simple yet overlooked way to increase your self-esteem. If you notice a few things that make you question your worth and hate yourself, it would be best to avoid those things altogether. This may be the way you look after a shower, without a shirt on, or in front of the camera. Simple solutions to these problems can be avoiding looking in the mirror after a shower or without a shirt on or not being in videos that you know you speak in. While this shouldn’t be a long-term fix, they can act as a temporary remedy until you get your overall self-esteem more regulated.

7. Hang around people who make you feel better about yourself The best way to be nice to yourself is to be around people who make you smile and laugh. When we do these things, our brain releases several chemicals that make us happier and more content with the world around us.

You will notice that the more you feel this way, the more you’ll start to speak to yourself in a positive light. These are just some things you can do to begin being nicer to yourself. As mentioned before, being nice to yourself is a lot easier said than done. If you’re ever having trouble finding nice things about yourself, ask others to point out your best qualities or start to be a little more creative. Remember that you’re doing all of this for yourself, so don’t worry about what other people think you’re worth.

Get Active Another great way to calm yourself down, clear your mind, improve your mood, and get in shape is simply getting active. When we’re down, we often put ourselves in a hole. We stay in the same spot and aimlessly rip into ourselves for no given reason. This can damage our mood and selfesteem issues even more than beforehand, so it’s best to avoid it altogether. If you start working out and find that it helps you, start making a routine and getting serious about it. If you want to take it beyond helping your mood and focus on building your strength, create a cardio or weights routine that works well for you and help you start reaching the goals you’ve set out for yourself. If exercising is a new concept for you, don’t worry; it’s not that hard to get into it. To give you a good idea of what a basic but effective gym routine could be, reference the weekly schedule outlined below:

Weights

Cardio

Monday

Biceps and triceps

Light jog

Tuesday

Shoulders

Bike for 30 minutes

Wednesday

Legs

REST

Thursday

Back

Walk for 3 miles

Friday

Chest and Core

Bike for 30 minutes

Saturday

REST

Long run

Sunday

REST / Stretch

REST / Stretch

As you can see, this is a very basic workout schedule, but it targets all major muscle groups and ensures that you remain active every day of the week and keep yourself in good overall shape. One of the worst things you can do is overwork one part of your body and underwork another. Balance is key when you’re beginning an exercise routine of any kind. If you want to start working out but having trouble being serious about it or find that you lack the motivation to get out and work out, below are a few tips to get yourself out of bed.

1. Find someone to workout with Among the best ways to get yourself out of bed and into the gym is to find someone you can exercise with. This is beneficial in numerous ways. Firstly, it allows you to compare your results with someone and, if you’re feeling a little adventurous, have friendly competitions. Secondly, they make you accountable for your actions. Once you begin working out with someone, you will be expected to be at all training sessions and giving it your all. If you don’t, you run the risk of betraying their trust. Lastly, it allows you to bond closely with someone. Nothing forms friendships like shared hardships (that’s why military relationship tends to be so close). If you and someone else are sharing the same pain every day, you will grow close. Take care of the relationship outside of the gym, and you may have a new close friend in the making.

2. Find a time that works best for you When you begin to exercise, you need to make sure that it meets your schedule's demands and no one else's. If you join a workout or running forum, there will be plenty of people claiming that time X or Y works best,

but don’t listen to them. If you start arriving to work late or run out of time to work out because you’re up at ridiculous hours of the day, then the whole exercise thing has become rather redundant.

3. Change it up Exercising can get very boring very quickly. While it can be managed for a little, it will eventually take its toll, and you’ll start to lose interest in the whole idea of working out altogether. A good way to avoid this is to change things up. Switch between high reps with low weight and low reps with high weight, try new running routes, and look up workouts online and give them a try. Don’t be afraid to get creative.

4. Find something that you love to do They say that if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. This doesn’t relate 100% to working out, but generally speaking, if you love the kind of exercise you’re doing, it will be hard to lose interest and motivation. These are just a few ways that you can use to motivate yourself to begin working out and changing your life. Remember that exercising can be very difficult, especially if you haven’t been doing it for a long time or are planning on starting it for the first time. Try to join a few clubs or gyms and seek out advice when you’re unsure about something. The exercise industry is one of the world's largest ones, and there are thousands of people who would love to give you a hand and help you grow yourself. Note: Never push yourself to the point of injury. If you’re upset with something and feel like the pain is the only way you can get through whatever you’re doing, it would be best to see a doctor or medical

professional treat you for a possibly more serious condition. Do what you know you can do and take it slow — no one’s in a rush.

Eat Healthily This works hand-in-hand with getting active. People tend to brush off proper nutrition to help us out when it comes to eating, but it isn’t necessary for our well-being. In reality, however, nutrition can play a huge role in improving our mood and helping us feel better about ourselves. The first thing you should do is reconsider how you think of food and change your image. Food isn’t just something you need to eat to stay alive — it’s literal fuel for our bodies. There are certain nutrients that we need to function as efficiently as possible. When we deny ourselves of these nutrients, we are damaging our bodies. This is especially true for people who have self-esteem issues. The human body is a very complex machine. We could write a 100,000word book on the heart alone, but that wouldn’t be too practical. Instead, imagine your body as a car, and food is gas. There’s gas that is usually pretty cheap, and then there’s gas that is more expensive. Generally speaking, the cheaper gas can get the job done and move your car from Point A to Point B, but it doesn’t do it in the most efficient way possible. That being said, the more expensive gas can cost a little more, but it is more efficient and helps keep your car running smoother for longer. Over time, this can save you a lot of money in repair costs and allow you to get more bang for your buck. Now, think of this analogy in nutritional terms. Assuming our bodies are the car, junk food is the cheap gas, and healthy foods are expensive. Unhealthy foods (e.g., sugar, candy, chips, pop, fast food, etc.) can technically keep our bodies moving and keep us alive, but they can encourage several medical issues to arise. This, in the long run, will only make you feel worse about yourself.

Healthy foods (e.g., vegetables, fruits, complex carbs, etc.), on the other hand, are more likely to keep you healthy and improve your immune system to fight off harmful bacteria. This encourages a longer life span and will even help you look slimmer if you stay consistent with a healthy diet. When it comes to choosing a diet that works for you, consider your lifestyle, budget, and other possible restrictions. Healthy foods tend to cost a little more money, and proper meals take some time to prepare and cook, so make sure that you’re only getting things that you know you’ll be eating. You also want to ensure that the foods you consume won’t leave you depleted of energy. While it is normal to feel a little groggy and slow for the first few days after starting a new nutrition schedule, prolonged feelings of fatigue may result from a diet that is low on healthy carbs or protein. If need be, meet with a nutritionist to give you a hand in choosing a diet that meets your schedule and lifestyle demands. The key here is to take things slowly. Changing too much too quickly can and will almost always lead to failure. Instead of throwing away all of your junk food at once and becoming a vegetarian overnight, slowly start to take yourself off the junk food. Start eating out once a week, then once every two weeks, and so on. Cut back to one bag of chips a month and stop ordering pizza as well — you know you don’t need it. Note: Don’t view a change in your diet as such. It is not a diet — you’re just starting to eat healthier. A diet is a short-term fix, where a change in eating habits is a long-term thing. Instead of saying that you’re dieting, start to tell yourself that you’re eating healthily and looking to avoid processed foods. This will trick your brain into believing that. Therefore, instead of seeing your new eating habits as a fix to a problem, it will see it as a simple nutrition change.

With that said, don’t worry if you have one or two cheat meals a week. Forcing yourself off of all your favorite foods too quickly will result in severe cravings and cause you to go a little insane. Set aside one or two meals a week where you can eat whatever you want without any guilt. However, when the meal is over, don’t keep on snacking while claiming that you’re just extending your meal; it’s time to get back to eating healthier foods. When it comes to choosing what kinds of foods you want to eat, don’t be afraid to get creative. When people think of healthy eating, they think of salads, lots of vegetables, lemon water, and zero sugar. Although you should indeed stay away from sugar and other processed foods, there’s still a ton of yummy-tasting foods that can be used to substitute the sweet taste and sugary feeling. Mixing spices into dishes that usually don’t have spices or adding chicken to a fruit dish are good ways to be a little strange but still, make sure you’re getting your nutrients. When in doubt, you can always do an internet search and see more recipes than you know what to do with. To help you choose the right foods to eat, here are a few myths and the truth behind them:

1. Natural and processed sugars are the same This has a mix of truth and myth to it. When looking at the literal sugar side of things, there is no difference: sugar is sugar. However, natural sugars (the sugar you find in fruits) contain all kinds of nutrients and antioxidants that can are extremely beneficial to the body. With refined or processed sugar, these additional nutrients don’t exist.

2. Eating celery can burn calories

There is a popular myth among dieters that eating celery burns calories; that’s why they call it a negative food. The truth is that, no, you will not burn calories when eating celery. The idea behind it came when looking at the nutritional information for a stalk of celery. One stalk on a mediumsized bunch of celery has 6 calories because it’s about 95% water (Fat Secret, n.d.). While you won’t burn calories while eating the vegetable, you will most likely burn them during the walk from your dining room to the kitchen. Note: Celery is a great food to snack on. Because of its density-to-calorie ratio, you will be able to eat a lot without intaking a lot of calories. This will give you the feeling that you’re full without eating a lot of food.

3. You should avoid fats This is another myth that has recently been proven wrong. According to studies, having a high-fat diet can show improved brain function, more active hormones, and several other health benefits (Gómez-Pinilla, 2008). In reality, you should aim to include healthy fats (they can be found in foods like avocados) as an active part of your diet.

4. Carbohydrates are bad for you It is a widely believed myth that carbs are bad for you and that if you want to lose weight, you should cut them out of your diet. The truth is that this is a wrong notion. Human bodies need carbohydrates to function; that’s where we get our energy from (unless you’re following a keto diet, in which case your body targets fat cells for energy). What’s important is that you’re getting your carbs from the right foods. Carbs from junk foods like chips, candy bars, ice cream, and pizza will not serve much of a purpose. Instead, you should aim to consume complex

carbohydrates. These are the carbs that are found in whole-wheat bread, potatoes, and oats. They should play another large part in your diet.

Take a Break from Social Media Social media can be great. It can connect us with old friends, allow us to interact with our closest friends, and help us reach out to people who have the same interests. While it has many pros to it, it also has many cons, especially for someone with self-esteem issues. According to studies, social media can increase feelings of loneliness and lower self-esteem levels (Mammoser, 2018). This is because most social media posts focus on highlighting the best parts of someone’s life. People who use it often post pictures of themselves at exotic places around the world or some famous landmarks in an attempt to boast about their lives to their followers in exchange for some attention. As someone with low self-esteem, social media forces you to compare your life to the fake one that people from around themselves. And because of your already-existing negative views of your life, this can have a drastic effect on your mood and maybe even cause you to have minor breakdowns. So, to avoid this negative side effect, put some distance between you and your social media apps. At the end of the day, you’re the only one you have to look after. Note: It’s not good to stop using it all together without any conditioning. Start to slowly go off of social media little by little every day. For example, if you use Instagram for three hours a day before you go to bed, it would be best to tone it down to 2.5 hours for a week, then to 2 hours for the next, then to 1.5 for the one after that. Remember the number of people who use social media. When you cut down on how often you use it, you will have many people asking why. Find an answer you’re confident with and give it to them. You don’t need to justify it if you don’t want to.

Forgive Yourself It will always be you who is at the center of the negative self-talk. While the reasons for your low self-esteem may lie in the actions of someone else or the environment you were raised in, you are the ultimate person behind your negativity. So, take the time to forgive yourself. Understand that life is difficult, and you’re trying your best.

Lay Out a Finance Schedule One thing that seems to have become a problem among many people with low self-esteem is money. The exact reason for this behavior isn’t quite understood, but some people with lower self-esteem seek ways to deal with their negative thoughts and eat their feelings away (for lack of a better phrase). If this is you, it’s important to out a finance schedule that you can follow to get a firm grasp on your finances and not spend too much to the point where you’re now in debt. Below are a few steps you can take to get your finance schedule in order.

1. Talk to a bank associate The first thing you want to do is to go and talk to someone about your finances. Lay everything out and explain that you need their help to curb your money spending problem. Listen to everything they have to say and bring a notebook to write important and useful information down. If you have an account with this bank, that’s a bonus, seeing as they can start all of your banking changes right away. Remember, however, that you’re under no obligation to use the bank as a customer if you don’t want to. Bankers are available to help you if you need it. While one may help you and give you the information you’re looking for, you wouldn’t be required to place any of your savings in that branch.

2. Generate more streams of income Once you figure out what you can do to improve your financial position with what you have, try to bring in more money. There's a lot of ways to generate income, some of which include getting a second job, starting to freelance, investing money into stocks, or maybe selling some of your stuff on online sites like eBay.

Investing money into stocks is more of a long-term commitment than a quick way to get money. Investing in stocks is that it can be very risky and doesn't necessarily guarantee profit every time you invest. If you plan on investing with stocks, it's best to meet with a stockbroker and discuss your investment possibilities.

3. Decide how much you will put away for savings Try to do a percentage or ratio type savings schedule. For example, 20% of your income will go into your savings account, while 80% will be split among your debts and other financial obligations (e.g., car payments, mortgage, retirement, health insurance, etc.). Once you have this savings schedule set up, you must stick to it. Over time, you will notice that your discipline to follow this schedule and start to reflect positively on yourself. You become more confident in your ability to stick to something. If all goes well, you will have yourself in a much stronger financial position.

Exercise: Making Self-Care Tangible You may not always relate to the examples I give when discussing vulnerability and self-care, and that’s okay. With any program like this, you need to take what feels right, leave what doesn’t, and begin learning the skills to map out your self-love practice. I want you to be able to walk away with your ideas about what feels right for your body, mind, and inner self. Take the lessons you find here and get as specific as possible with your relationship with yourself. At the end of the day, it is you who has to live in the home you create in your body and mind. You need to build it to meet your needs and your needs alone. Here are a few ideas for getting specific with your self-care. Take these ideas and morph them into your own personal mind-map for how to add a bit of self-care into your day. I will wake up at 7:00 am and drink a glass of water while I meditate. I will take five minutes each evening at 9:00 pm to breathe and drink some tea. I will take five minutes during my lunch break to stretch my muscles before going back to work. I will swap scrolling through social media with ten minutes of reading before bed. I will journal each evening to practice creating a positive mental space. I will practice listening to my gut reaction instead of dismissing it when asked to make decisions in a group setting. I will listen to my nervous system when I become anxious in social settings and learn to make adjustments to promote physical and mental calm. These suggestions are just to give you an idea of how you can create tangible self-care habits in your daily life. It is important to go from the idea

of loving yourself to taking regular self-loving actions that feel good to you. Feel free to jot some of your ideas down in your journal before moving forward with this week’s activities. For example, self-care strategies would look like this:

SPIRITUAL

5–10 MIN

15–30 MIN

30+ MIN

Say a prayer

Read bible

Attend a church

passages

service or bible study

EMOTIONAL Make a gratitude Sit outside in the PHYSICAL SOCIAL MENTAL

Have a movie night

list for the day

sunshine

with son

Do yoga or

Cook a healthy

Exercise

stretch

meal

Text a friend

Call a friend or

Meet a friend for

family member

lunch

Meditate

Read a good book Take a mental in a bubble bath

health day off work

Work a crossword puzzle Once you are clear on some concrete ways to increase your self-care practice, do at least one in each category per week. Filling yourself up is an excellent way to maintain and celebrate your progress, plus you will have more energy and desire to spend quality time with the people you love.

Chapter 15: (Day 14) Focus on Things You Have Control Over A good way to boost your self-esteem and give yourself more confidence in the decisions you're making, and the life you have right now is to focus on the things you have control over. Instead of thinking of memories that you can't change or future situations that have yet to happen, start thinking of where you are and how you feel now. Examples of this include what clothes you're wearing, whether or not you're going to be happy or sad if you're going to treat people with respect or treat them as if they aren't your friends, and whether or not you're going to treat yourself with respect.

Compliment Others One of the best ways to feel better about yourself is to feel better about other people. When you start complimenting others on things that are beyond what we see (e.g., hair, eyes, clothes, etc.), you will not only notice your relationship starting to get stronger, but you're also going to notice that you are feeling happier and more confident.

Respect Yourself KNOWING WHO YOU ARE AND CARING for yourself are the fundamental steps in developing the necessary understanding and selfcompassion to reclaim feelings of self-worth. However, you can’t truly develop and maintain healthy self-esteem until you can consistently respect yourself. While self-esteem involves how you think and feel, self-respect is about your actions. How you act and interact with others and the choices you make relate to your level of self-respect and ultimately play a role in your view of self-worth. Self-respect, along with a determination to begin making healthier choices, will help you make the most of the tools provided in the previous steps. Women who make destructive or self-deprecating decisions that demonstrate a lack of self-respect stay trapped in a cycle of low self-esteem. When you fail to make healthy changes, act in self-denying ways, or make poor choices, this inevitably leads to negative self-talk that further depletes selfesteem. In this case, you have to work twice as hard to block negative messages as you find a way to rationalize your actions, inactions, or selfdestructive decisions. When you make bad decisions that harm yourself or others, you feel bad about who you are and feel out of control, making healthy self-esteem very difficult. Can you think of any bad decisions you’ve made or regrets you have? If so, write about them. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What could you have done differently? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------While it may be difficult to reflect on past choices (especially if you regret them!), considering past behaviors is a helpful first step to building up selfrespect. Based on these reflections, you can determine your core values and maintain the discipline (and self-respect!) necessary to ensure that your values stay in line. Learning how to respect yourself also involves looking at ways you honor or discredit yourself. Think of it this way: When we make choices and act in ways aligned with healthy values and self-nurturing goals, we feel good about ourselves and better build and maintain self-esteem.

Assessing Your Values Read the following list of values typically associated with respect, positive self-esteem, and healthy life. Check the boxes next to the traits that are important to you. ☐ Kindness ☐ Compassion ☐ Patience ☐ Honesty ☐ Trustworthiness ☐ Loyalty ☐ Fairness ☐ Authenticity ☐ Humility ☐ Peace ☐ Balance ☐ Determination ☐ Openness ☐ Optimism ☐ Happiness Of the values you identified as important to you, choose the three that you see as the most important: 1. ---------------------------------

2. --------------------------------3. --------------------------------Now list one way you could practice upholding each of those values to demonstrate respect for yourself: 1. --------------------------------2. --------------------------------3. --------------------------------List one way you could convey to others your expectation that they uphold these values in their dealings with you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Note any difficulties you’ve had regarding putting these ideas into practice in the past. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Get Used to Positive Affirmations This ties into many of the tips and tricks mentioned earlier but start using positive affirmations and get used to using them. Instead of making a blanket statement (such as “I am going to be famous!”), highlight something you’re working on that will lead you to successfully achieve whatever you’re yelling about. For example, you can shout, “I’m going to keep on pushing my limits until I’m famous!” Not only does this show other people that you’re serious, but it also tricks your brain into believing it. After all, this doesn’t mean that whatever you said won’t happen. The more you say things like that out loud, the more you trick your brain into fully indulging itself in that lifestyle.

Learn to Accept Compliments When we have trouble with self-esteem, compliments are like the devil’s weapon. Despite their extremely positive nature, they can feel like the end of the world when they’re expressed in public or at a random moment. People with self-esteem issues prefer their lives to be more private and don’t like any part of them being commented on. However, in the real world, it works a lot differently. People with self-esteem issues will need to get used to receiving compliments if they want to truly overcome their shyness and beef up their confidence. Giving compliments is the basis of conversations ranging from simple small talk to deep and intimate conversations. If you cannot accept a compliment or continue to get visually uncomfortable when someone does express a liking towards you, you will only make situations awkward. This may lead to weird impressions of you and confusing interactions with others.

Determine What You’re Really Worth Similar to how businesses have a net worth, humans have an imaginary net worth that looks over their value as a person. It includes your good and bad qualities. This is a simple exercise that will highlight your strengths and show you where your weaknesses lie to determine what areas of your life need more work and what seems to be doing alright. This kind of information can also show you where you can start to feel proud of, especially when you track your information. Use the weaknesses you outline as short-term goals. If you find that you don’t ask people to hang out very often, make it a new hobby to do so with one person at least once a month and get to know them better.

Quashing the Need to Please As you look over the list of values you selected as important to you, reflect upon this: How often do you pursue goals aligned with these values for your own life? And do you expect others to demonstrate these values in their interactions with you to the same extent you demonstrate them toward others? I know it’s tricky, but one of the consequences of low self-esteem is that we often work hard to uphold these values in our interactions with others. Sometimes we sacrifice our wishes and needs. We deny ourselves the same level of respect in return. This tendency is caused by the approvalseeking that is characteristic of low self-esteem. Think about how often you defer to others, perhaps allowing them to make choices and decisions for you. Over time, this can result in you losing sight of your identity and straying from your path as you submit to becoming a follower of others. Do you ever agree to things you know you don’t want to do or put aside your wishes and endeavors to go along with or assist others? If so, write about the times this has happened: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What prevents you from saying no or making yourself the priority? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You may fear that acting in your own best interest or speaking up will lead to conflict, including judgment, anger, or hurt feelings of others, or may create vulnerability, opening you up to potentially appear selfish or ignorant. Do you ever hesitate to say no to things and wind up overextending yourself? Distorted thinking and fear also lead to people-pleasing behaviors. Fear of failure, disappointing others, or being criticized or rejected gets in the way of making healthy choices that foster individual well-being. The problem is, giving away your power and diminishing your value by failing to extend the same respect and attention toward your own needs results in more distorted thinking around your worth. Also, attempting to gain worth or significance from pleasing others can lead to burnout or feelings of resentment or devastation when your help and sacrifices aren’t appreciated. Does this sound like something you can relate to? Complete the following assessment to determine where you stand about people-pleasing. As you do so, consider all of your relationships, including those with family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. PEOPLE-PLEASING SELF-ASSESSMENT On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being “not at all” and 5 being “all the time”), rate how often you engage in the following behaviors: 1.I say yes when I want to say no. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

2.I take on responsibilities even when I don’t really want to. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

3.I feel I have to profusely apologize or make excuses when I cannot say yes to someone. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

4.I feel responsible for other people’s feelings. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

5.I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself if they are different than those of others. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

6.I feel very upset if someone is mad at me or doesn’t like me. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

7.I have a hard time admitting to others that they have hurt my feelings or upset me. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

8.I go to great lengths to avoid conflict. 1

2

3

4

5

NOT AT ALL

RARELY

SOMETIMES

OFTEN

ALL THE TIME

Scoring Add up your score using the following point system:

1 point for every time you marked 1

Not at all

2 points for every time you marked 2

Rarely

3 points for every time you marked 3

Sometimes

4 points for every time you marked 4

Often

5 points for every time you marked 5

All the time

If you scored above 20 points, you likely struggle with people-pleasing. You will benefit from dedicating time and effort to the following areas: Recognizing your own needs Taking time for yourself Developing and utilizing assertiveness skills (here) Setting healthy boundaries (here) Think about what drives this need to please. Where does your tendency to accommodate others or put their needs first come from? Reflect on your experiences in life, especially regarding gender roles, as you were growing up. Were there any messages conveyed about your role as a female? Write about what comes to mind: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you work to break the pattern of people-pleasing, start paying attention to your own needs, and make yourself more of a priority. You can begin evening out the playing field in your relationships and interactions with others as you work to establish a greater level of self-respect. Write down times you successfully advocated for your own best interest: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------While it is important to respect others, it’s equally important to avoid constantly sacrificing your own needs to avoid conflict or appease others. The goal is to create more equality in relationships and end the cycle of denying your rights and worth. As you move forward, pay attention to your self-talk in this area and watch out for any distorted beliefs that force you to assume you are obligated to meet everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own. You have the right to your happiness, safety, and emotional wellbeing. Write a promise to yourself to gently say no the next time you feel pressured into an obligation. Be as specific as you want (for example, The next time Jane asks me to watch her son, I’m going, to tell the truth and say, “I can’t help you today, Jane. I am working on a project and won’t be able to give your son the attention he deserves.”) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Offer yourself a reprieve. Comprehend that it is alright to commit errors. You may feel remorseful; however, it is essential to acknowledge yourself despite your weaknesses. Pardon yourself and proceed onward as opposed to dwelling on your issue. Concentrate on improving now and later on.

Hold your emotions under wraps. When we commit an error, it is anything but difficult to get disappointed, overpowered, or surrender. If you are feeling excessively emotional or stressed, enjoy a reprieve. It won't be an advantage to attempt to fix your mistake if your emotions are increased.

Exercises Here are a few examples of ways you can begin to feel more comfortable and safer within your body and mind:

Action:

The message this sends to your inner self:

Do some stretch before bed.

I love my body and believe that it deserves to feel relaxed and calm.

Journal some positive thoughts about I may not be perfect, but I love yourself.

myself, anyway. I deserve a mind that loves me rather than punishes me.

Take some time to enjoy a nice drink I deserve to create a calming, with no screens or distractions.

restorative space to relax my body and mind.

Plan a morning routine that you are excited to wake up for.

My needs are unique to me. They are worth learning and honoring. I am willing to do what it takes to trust myself again.

It can be challenging for some people to see the point in forming new habits, putting in a bit of extra effort, and sticking with something you may feel you don’t have time for. Trust me. I get it. But these tiny actions are where big change can happen. Learn to see your body and mind as your home. Build the home up with kind thoughts, loving care, and calming routines. Put your preferences at the forefront and show yourself that this is the new way the

house is run. Slowly, you’ll begin to feel safe opening up and living fully within your own space.

Daily Affirmations This week’s affirmations are all about the importance of leaning into vulnerability to create a consistent self-love practice. Allow these affirmations to help you as you begin building a nurturing home within your mind and body. “Invulnerable moments, I know that I have my own back.” “I take daily steps to show myself the care and love that I deserve.” “I honor my values at each moment of my life.” “I always choose the option that honors my present self and nurtures my future self.” “I am creating a home within my body and mind that feels safe and loving.” “I live a life abundant in caring, nurturing activities.” “My thoughts are becoming more naturally caring and self-loving each day.”

Healing Activities Inner Home Meditation: Find a comfortable position to sit with your eyes closed. Take a deep breath in, and exhale slowly and fully. Repeat this until your body feels fully relaxed. Now imagine you are sitting in a cozy room. The room's details do not matter, but you feel safe, relaxed, and fully open. Allow yourself to create a home that feels exactly like you want it to. Once you have relaxed into your home, repeat the phrase in your head: I am safe here. I am safe here. I am safe here. Continue to repeat the phrase and breathe for a few minutes, acknowledging that your body and mind are a loving and nurturing space for you to dwell.

Self-Care Action Step: Remember that list of specific self-care steps we created at the end of the chapter? If you didn’t create one, take time to jot down a few very specific self-care ideas. This week try to incorporate just one of these steps into your daily routine. Maybe you stretch for five minutes in the morning or go on a short walk during your lunch break or read for ten minutes in the evening. Try to stick with it, taking it just one day at a time. Notice how you feel after a week of this new habit. Self-hypnosis: Read this script before you begin, making any adjustments you’d like to create a personal script for your recording. Once you’ve finished, record yourself saying the script slowly and clearly in an area with no background noise. Pause for at least ten seconds after each line of text to give yourself time for visualization. Lie down in a comfortable position, relax your body, and replay the recording. “Begin to breathe in, slowly observing as your lungs fill with fresh air. Breathe out and release any muscle tension you notice in your body. Place your hands on your belly in a way that feels natural. They create a space where your belly can rise and fall with ease. This comforting gesture helps you sink even deeper into relaxation. Just enter that inner space now, going to that inner home that opens up with such ease. You feel as safe and secure as your stomach does, rising and falling beneath your hands. Each time you breathe in, you notice your inner world expanding. Each time you exhale, you relax even deeper, surrendering to the safety you feel in your own beautiful space. A flickering flame appears in front of you. It dances as you breathe and warms you from within. You are overcome with the knowledge that no

matter how deeply you breathe, no matter how uncertain you feel, this flame will not be extinguished. You feel this flame warming your belly, kept safe by your protective hands. You are so relaxed by this safety and warmth. You are beginning to trust this space more and more. You realize that the safety you feel here, the warmth, and the beautiful light, are growing stronger the longer you dwell in this space. The more time you spend in this loving home, the more you accept it and allow it to protect you. You know now that honoring your values and staying true to yourself is all about this sense of home. You know this space is always here for you. You know it will protect you, so there is no need to feel unsure. You accept this space and trust it completely now. Carry the warmth you feel all the way back to a sense of awareness. Start to come back to consciousness by wiggling your fingers and toes. Open your eyes, and carry on with your day, knowing you carry home with you wherever you go.” Take some time to free-write your thoughts on how this week went. What did you enjoy? What was difficult? Which activities would you like to use again in the future? Once you’ve reflected a bit about the week, come up with your self-care affirmation that sums up what you’ve learned about the value of being vulnerable. Try to pick a simple affirmation that can remind you of the importance of staying true to your values.

Chapter 16: (Day 15) Developing Assertiveness After years of being a people-pleaser and sacrificing your own needs in favor of others, it can be difficult to make changes. As you learn to value your rights, needs, and the importance of making yourself a priority, it can help equip yourself with some tools to support this endeavor—you are essentially learning a new language—the language of saying “No, thank you!” As always, continue monitoring self-talk and working to change any distorted thinking that prevents you from speaking up or protecting yourself from things you do not want to take on. Watch out for that destructive internal critic telling you that you are not worthy or deserving of respect. This simply is not true. Seeking to obtain mutual respect in relationships creates an equality that everyone benefits from. Women with people-pleasing tendencies and low self-esteem often act in passive ways, so learning and developing assertiveness tools will be an important part of your journey. Contrary to what you may think, assertiveness is not an inborn trait or a characteristic possible only for naturally confident people. Rather, it’s a skill that can be learned, practiced, and cultivated to help you navigate all kinds of situations and ultimately foster better self-respect. Think about somebody who you admire for her ability to be assertive. What do you notice about that person? How would you assess her level of selfesteem? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Assertiveness involves the ability to express your opinions, preferences, needs, limits, and boundaries in a respectful, polite way. Assertiveness is not the same as aggression, which includes force, threats, and hostility. Assertiveness is an art and a gift—it involves communication that is direct, honest, and firm, yet respectful and aimed at creating harmony in relationships, rather than engaging in power struggles or a need for control. Read on to learn more about it.

Assessing your ability to be assertive The following scenarios provide examples of three different methods of responding to various situations, including passive (people-pleasing), aggressive, and assertive ways. Highlight the letter that corresponds to the option most similar to how you would handle each situation. 1.You loan a friend your sweater, and she returns it with a hole in it. How do you respond? Throw the sweater in the trash and don’t mention it. Scream at the friend, saying, “I cannot believe you are so careless! How could you ruin my sweater and not tell me?” Calmly say to your friend, “I’m upset that there is a hole in my sweater. I’d like you to be more careful if you are going to continue to borrow my stuff.” 2.Your cousin frequently stops by your house uninvited. Tonight, she stops by wanting to talk, but you were just about to head out to meet some friends for dinner. How do you respond? Text your friends, telling them to order without you. You’ll be late if you make it at all. Flip out on your cousin, saying, “I can’t deal with you always stopping by unannounced! I have plans tonight, and I can’t help you with your issues.” Tell your cousin, “I want to listen, but I have plans to meet friends, and I need to leave now. Why don’t you call me tomorrow, and we can figure out a time that is convenient for both of us?” 3.You take your car in for an oil change. When you pick it up, you are surprised to find they also rotated the tires and replaced the windshield

wipers and brake pads without first obtaining your approval. The bill is much more than you were expecting to pay. How do you handle it? Silently hand over your credit card, feeling sick to your stomach about the unexpected cost. Shout at the cashier, saying, “This is ridiculous! I did not agree with all these extra services. I refuse to pay, and I’m never bringing my car here again!” Ask to speak to a manager, and respectfully explain you were not expecting to pay for services you were not aware were being performed. Ask for a mutually agreeable solution, perhaps a discount off the labor or a credit toward future oil changes. 4.You go to a restaurant and order a salad with chicken. When your meal comes, you discover it has shrimp, not chicken. How do you react? Profusely apologize to the waiter, saying, “I’m so sorry, but I meant to ask for chicken. I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m allergic to shrimp; otherwise, I wouldn’t mind. Would it be possible to get another salad with chicken instead? I’m so sorry!” Act annoyed at the server, exclaiming, “You put in the wrong order! I asked for chicken, not shrimp! You need to correct this right away!” Say to the waiter, “I ordered chicken, not shrimp. Would you please get me another salad with chicken?” In these examples, the assertive responses are indicated in option C. As you look back over the choices you identified with, think about whether you tend to dismiss your feelings and needs when handling conflict. Do you find it difficult to be assertive? If so, why?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What causes you to be passive or aggressive versus assertive? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Do you ever over-apologize? If so, why? Can you give examples? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Do you ever find yourself lashing out when feelings of resentfulness and anger build? If so, give examples: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Can you identify any distorted logic in your answers to these questions?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It may be reassuring to know that you can develop assertiveness. Some strategies to hone your ability to act assertively include: Reframing distorted thinking. When you reflect on situations, stop and look at what may have held you back from being assertive. Consider “what would have been a better response?” Creating affirmations. These affirmations can be designed specifically to support assertiveness—“I am learning to speak my mind,” “I can handle conflict with confidence and ease,” and “I have the right to my thoughts and opinions.” Practice. Whether you choose to role-play with a friend or practice in front of the mirror, spend time acting out responses to different situations. Practice speaking with a confident voice and a calm body.

Avoiding high-risk behaviors Without assertiveness skills and healthy outlets, women with low selfesteem and depression, and anxiety issues sometimes turn to risky, selfdestructive behaviors as a way to cope. Unhealthy coping strategies may include excessive drinking, drugs, promiscuity, or self-harmful behaviors. Initially, this can happen due to peer pressure or relinquishing your power to gain approval or feel wanted. While these activities may temporarily provide relief or distraction from the difficult emotions you are struggling with, they only serve as a Band-Aid over a greater problem that needs to be addressed. Trying to build worth, gain approval, or decrease negative feelings by utilizing unhealthy coping mechanisms creates a vicious cycle, likely to leave you feeling even worse about yourself between fixes. Ultimately, these things are self-destructive and further damage self-esteem, in addition to creating serious and potentially dangerous health concerns and devastating problems with addiction. If you are utilizing self-destructive behaviors as a way of coping, make a promise to stop giving yourself the time and space to work through the steps in this book. If you are unable to stop these behaviors on your own, seek out the help of a qualified professional who can support you through the process. ❑ Check this box if you need help breaking a destructive or dangerous habit, and then writing down the names and contact information for three potential providers who can help. (See Resources for ways to find support.) 1. --------------------------------2. ---------------------------------

3. ---------------------------------

Trusting Yourself Part of respecting yourself involves developing self-trust. This can be challenging when self-esteem is low, especially after years of doubting your worth, but trust can be cultivated and developed like assertiveness. Learning to trust your gut, your ability to make appropriate decisions, and the validity of your feelings are important pursuits as you develop faith in yourself and make changes to support a healthier future. Self-trust is an important component to following through with the steps in this program. Highlight true or false in response to the following statements: I trust myself to: 1. Make good decisions

TRUE

FALSE

2. Care for my well-being

TRUE

FALSE

3. Engage in healthy relationships

TRUE

FALSE

4. Walk away from harmful relationships

TRUE

FALSE

5. Put the tools I am learning into practice

TRUE

FALSE

6. Stay motivated to build self-esteem

TRUE

FALSE

If you answered “false” to any of these questions, consider finding a qualified therapist who can help you work through the steps on this journey. Sometimes, having an objective and supportive third party to hold you accountable can help you work through the issues that threaten your progress.

As you continue banishing the negative, distorted self-talk filled with preoccupation about what others think, replace these thoughts with self-talk that nurtures your gut instincts and abilities. Pay attention to how you act and react in various experiences and focus on your body's emotions and physical sensations. They can serve as a guide to tuning in to your thoughts, beliefs, and personal requirements. Trust yourself to handle appropriately or walk away from uncomfortable situations. As you work to develop self-respect, and end the drive to people-please, work to avoid people who make this endeavor difficult. You may not have avoided these people in the past, but as you increase your awareness, you can choose to take control and make choices about your relationships. We will talk more in the next step about ways to maintain healthy boundaries and supportive relationships.

Look Back to Move Forward In this chapter, you learned that developing a kind, affirmative internal voice filled with positive messages is at the forefront of every attempt to better care for and respect yourself. Continue to think about ways that you can practice demonstrating self-respect. As you move forward: Take stock of values. Assess the values that are most important to you. Ensure that these values are upheld in your life by how you treat and talk to yourself and that they are reflected in what you expect and allow from others. Don’t over-sacrifice. Watch out for the tendency to sacrifice your own needs or well-being as you give in to others. Doing so reinforces messages and feelings that cause low self-esteem to endure. Beware of peoplepleasing and the desire to gain approval and acceptance, as self-esteem cannot be built through external validation. Replace negative self-talk. Pay attention to distorted thinking and negative self-talk that prevents you from acting in ways that demonstrate selfrespect. Replace negative self-talk with positive thoughts and affirmations. Practice assertiveness skills. This will help you to act with confidence and self-respect during moments of decision or conflict. As you learn to trust yourself, allow your instincts to guide you. Choose healthy spaces. Make an effort to avoid people and situations that make it difficult for you to feel good or act in self-respecting ways. Make time for self-care. Continue to practice affirmations, healthy self-talk, and being kind to yourself. Add to your list of affirmations new statements that focus on self-respect and assertiveness.

Keep your promises. As you continue working toward improved selfesteem, stay true to your promise to make positive changes, and implement the recommendations you learn in these steps. Write about what you have learned in this chapter and how you can continue moving toward improving self-esteem. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Think about your level of self-respect and your ability to trust your gut. Write about what you feel and consider how you can use these feelings to stay strong on the path toward building self-esteem. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Take action! 1. Choose one value that is important to you and focus on ways you can uphold that value in every interaction you encounter this week. 2. Write your name in your calendar or day planner as you schedule a time for yourself! 3. Turn down one obligatory request or invitation in the next few weeks and write about how that makes you feel. 4. Practice expressing an opinion or requesting a low-conflict situation. 5. Pay attention to the feelings, emotions, and sensations you experience in your body in various situations. Write down or think about what you felt.

Chapter 17: (Day 16) BELIEVE IN YOURSELF Developing a Stronger Sense of Self Leads to Self-Confidence Knowing and respecting your goals and values is an important part of selfconfidence. Unfortunately, it's all too common for people to set aside their authentic self to please others. Here are some ideas to help you develop a stronger sense of self:

Become Comfortable with Being Alone If you want to do something, don't wait for others to join you. Go to a movie or to an event you're interested in. Being by yourself may be more enjoyable because you can focus all your attention on what you're doing.

Set and Keep Boundaries Be clear on what you will and will not do. If you're afraid of disappointing others, you may find yourself doing a lot of things you don't want to do.

Go Your Own Way Don't be afraid to do your own thing even if it goes against what everyone else is doing.

Don't Compare Yourself to Others We're all on different paths and different stages in our lives. While it's tempting to compare ourselves to others, remember that what you see or think is probably not the reality.

List Past Successes and Use Them To Your Advantage Taking stock of our wins is an excellent way to build our confidence. Write down your successes and the things which you’re especially proud of. Keep

your list in a journal where you can regularly review it, especially when you’ve suffered a setback or feel discouraged. Another good practice is to keep a daily list of small wins. These aren’t the big victories like promotions, awards, and milestones. These accomplishments can be as simple as staying on track with your diet, not losing your temper in a frustrating situation, and starting a new class. When you're climbing a mountain and see how far you still have to go, it can be easy to forget how far you've already come. Recording your accomplishments is an enormous confidence-booster because it's a reminder of how much progress you've made.

Get Feedback from Others Constructive criticism is a valuable tool if we knowhow to accept it. If you’re working on a project or learning a new skill, knowing what you’re doing right and where you need improvement will help you do a better job. Be open-minded and don’t be defensive when hearing from others. Remember, you want to improve, and that comes with time and effort.

Replace Negative Beliefs with Positive Ones This is one of the most valuable skills you can master and will be invaluable in your confidence building journey, so we’re going to spend quite a bit of time on this topic. Confronting negative thoughts can feel impossible. You start to make progress, and your inner critic kicks in again, and you lose your momentum. You may start to wonder if negative thoughts always paralyze you. Don't worry. Self-doubt is natural. But that doesn't mean that your inner critic will always be in control of your mind. If you keep practicing the skills you've learned in this chapter, you'll keep making progress. I just know I'm going to get fired! I'm a terrible parent. I'll be alone for the rest of my life. We all have the occasional negative thought. But many people battle negative thinking constantly. They're bombarded with thoughts that all revolve around one thing: telling them how worthless they are. There are ways to handle negative thinking in a healthy way. Learning how to handle negative thinking in a healthy way will allow you to take action and build self-confidence. Our minds have a constant stream of thoughts running through them. Some of them are neutral; others are even pleasant. And of course, we have some which are negative. These negative thoughts aren't the real problem -it's the power we give them. If you choose to believe your negative thoughts, they'll erode your selfconfidence and even stop you from moving forward in your life.

Common Types of Negative Thoughts: Assumptions When you make assumptions, you're filling the unknown with undesirable outcomes. In reality, several good things are also possible. But your negative thoughts don't allow you to see those possibilities. The "Shoulds" When you start thinking about all the things you should have done or you should be doing, you're comparing yourself unfavorably and deciding that you fall short. This attitude shakes your confidence and makes it harder for you to reach your goals. Black-and-White / All or Nothing Black-and-white thinkers (also known as all or nothing) believe that things are all good or bad. There's never a happy medium. So, if you failed a test, you immediately think you're a failure. If you fight with your spouse, then the relationship is doomed. But you can't place things into black and white categories, and once you realize that, you'll be a lot happier. You'll no longer be worried about what you must or should do. You understand that there are "what if's" and "maybes" and that the all or nothing perceptions are all in your mind. Catastrophizing Shifting from making assumptions to imagining an all-out worst-case scenario is called catastrophizing. A failure becomes insurmountable, and it's easy to lose sight of reality. Can you see any of your negative thoughts on this list? It's a good idea to start recording the negative thoughts that pop into your head. Eventually,

you'll be able to recognize a pattern. When you write a negative thought down, ask yourself if it's true or not. Then list the evidence that supports either conclusion.

Overcoming Self-Doubt It is always easier to say than done to remove doubts on the spot. But below are ways to start conquering self-doubt to accomplish the goals you have wanted.

Remove Wrong Words You must remove from your vocabulary any words that seem wrong. The expressions, sentences, and verbs you use to refer to yourself can shake off your confidence. Often these wrong words are untrue. Instead, delete or skip terms like "never," "still," "can't," "no one," "when," and "will." Then you'll see that the frame of mind or self-doubt can change for the better.

Recognize Self-Doubt It is necessary to identify suspicions that are not an easy task. To create a business, a website, or even an app, you might have a great idea. Yet if you think you can't just quit your job to move into something else, you could shrug it off. You've got to pay for a home and a mortgage. And who is going to pay for the bills? There are, of course, still threats. But if you don't feel you can be good, you're not going to guess anything. And, if you force a thought away next time, wonder seriously if it's the self-doubt and truth that sneaked in.

Get Daily Dose of Inspiration Subscribe to podcasts, watch videos, read books, or watch inspiring films. It can allow you to resolve whatever doubts and fears you may have. You may also feel empowered to act.

You can also find some great conversation leaders and advisors. When you lack self-confidence, turn to these men. Also popular was Overcome Self-Doubt Dumber men. You have to remember that you are an intelligent and capable person. The explanation is that in this universe, there are individuals who have done greater things with less expertise, resources, incentives, and experience than you have. You have to note that you've been effective for others with less benefit than you. It is difficult or even futile to handle some desire or vision of yours. The hurdle you have to conquer most of the time is self-doubt.

Reflect on previous achievements Are you focused on the bad, like the mistakes you have encountered when you wake up or during the day? Or on the better like the wins you've won? Recent studies have shown that how you recall history determines what you feel about yourself now. Your feelings on yourself have a huge impact on any future actions you take and how well they work out for you.

Check for reviews The quest for input from others is also great. Having a conversation about your skills and abilities with those who help you and are around, you can stop self-doubt right on the spot. However, above all, seeking input can make you see both the positive and negative aspects of your skills. As a consequence, some of the necessary skills can be improved.

Be mindful of Doubt from Others Self-doubt is already difficult to deal with, but other people's suspicions are only frustrating. Once you know that you are starting to gain more self-

confidence and ability, you may find other people around you, even nearer than you expect, who are focusing their self-doubt on you. They're certainly going to try to shoot down your dreams or even find reasons why you shouldn't pursue them. But let me still tell you to act on your ideas.

Celebrate Small Wins This absorbs you whenever you're caught in the pit of self-doubt. Even if it's not true, you could make it accurate and make it a big deal in your head. To sink to that point, it took you a series of small acts. Okay, to get out, it will also take small yet necessary moves. This motivates you when you enjoy small wins because you see progress being made, and you create momentum that easily adds up.

More Strategies to Conquer Self Doubt Self-doubt is difficult to conquer, but almost anyone with the will can do it. Brainstorm any event, process, or initiative you feel will help you achieve success. Remember all the things you know to do and abilities you can learn quickly. Start learning and bringing these different skills and abilities into action. Believe that you can do better to do more. Draw the inspiration well from the left and focus on acts that deliver results. Stay away from self-doubt by taking small steps contributing to progress and working on the next. Activate the internal genius and disregard self-doubt or criticism.

Even when other people tell you that you can't do it, or that it's an impossible dream, or that it's impractical, it's not easy to get going and give up, but use their skepticism as a reason to prove them wrong. A symptom of self-doubt is when you let other people's opinions and selfdoubt affect your vision and concept to take action. You have to carefully pick your thoughts because they become your impulses, determining your actions in effect. Undoubtedly, there will be questions in your heart. Therefore, you have to choose not to accept the feelings that offer you such suspicions to overcome self-doubt. Uncertainties, worries, and suspicions are always going to be part of your life, but you are the one who chooses to believe them or not. This presumption of achievement is important because if you allow selfdoubt (the fear of failure) to enter, you can erode positive practice prospects. The lack of action, not, in general, any failures, is what keeps you from moving towards your objectives. Life is too short to allow that to happen, so let's look at why people are struggling with self-doubt and some fast actions you should take in the next ten minutes to make sure you don't get out of the stuff you want to do.

Move from Self-Doubt into Self-Trust We all feel self-doubt from time-to-time, but have you thought about the impact this can have if it escalates? As soon as we doubt ourselves, the trouble begins. As J. M. Barrie says above, as soon as we doubt, we may never be able to undo it. While that sentiment isn’t wholly true, it is harder to fix self-doubt feelings once they’ve occurred. Feelings of self-doubt can quite easily spiral out of control, and once we’ve had them, the more difficult it becomes to remove them from our minds. This is all connected to the relationship we have with ourselves. Self-doubt is an internal barrier that some people feel daily, and it prevents us from moving forward. After all, if you don’t trust yourself or doubt your capabilities, how can you expect anyone else to believe in you? Overcoming something embedded in our mind and soul is never easy. Still, when something is holding you back, you have to start thinking about ‘why.’ Self-limiting beliefs are when we assume or believe something, which prevents us from doing something else or moving on with our lives. This is a tricky thing to spot, and we don’t always know why we feel or think the way we do, so how do you detect your self-limiting beliefs? To detect your self-limiting beliefs, you need to question your behavior and ask why you react in a particular way. Try reflecting when you wanted to do something, but you didn’t do it because something held you back. This could be something like singing at karaoke in public or speaking to a group of people at a meeting. What stopped you? Why didn’t you do it? A great way to work on this is to reflect on your journal and question yourself. This will help you to get to the heart of your beliefs. Someone who didn’t sing at a karaoke may believe they are bad singers, and nobody will like their singing. But remember, plenty of people who are not experts in singing sing

at karaoke for fun. It’s not a serious activity; it’s a social and fun activity. By recognizing this belief, you can start to make changes. Once you can detect your own self-limiting beliefs, you can start to think about how you can push past your belief and make a new one. For example, if we refer to the karaoke example, a person may decide that they take the idea of singing at karaoke too seriously. If they want to sing at karaoke, then they should do it. You can make a plan to move past this, so next time you have an opportunity to sing at karaoke, you are going to do it because it is a fun activity and not a serious activity. You may start to tell yourself it doesn’t matter whether or not you can sing. Making a plan to alter your beliefs and overcome your fears can be a refreshing experience, helping you push past limits. Planning motivates you, and once you’ve overcome the fear, you are no longer limited as you feel a sense of freedom. Start small at first so that you don’t overwhelm yourself. For example, sing with a friend or in a group if you are still too scared to sing alone, and then build up to singing alone.

How Can I Start To Trust Myself And Instill Self-Belief? If you have some automatic thoughts that stir-up self-doubt, you often don’t even realize it’s happening. Such negativity brings you down, but it becomes natural to us when we automatically think in a specific way. Building up trust and self-belief is something we must work on as it doesn’t come easy. So, how do you start to do this? First of all, you need to detect and unpack our beliefs, as discussed in the earlier sections. This is important because the first step is to understand ourselves and our beliefs. Once you know and understand your beliefs, you need to make new ones. If we think of the karaoke example again, we need to change the fear of what other people think of our singing to the idea that singing at karaoke isn’t serious singing anyway. It’s just a thing to do for fun. As long as you have fun, the singing doesn’t matter. Transform your beliefs into new ones and write them down. Detail them as being my new core beliefs and look at them every day. Writing them down is an important step because when you write something down, it’s there, it’s serious, and we think about it differently because we have essentially made a written contract with yourself. The next step is to accept where you are now. Acceptance is important when you’re trying to build up trust because only then can you be honest with yourself. Think about where you are now and where you want to be. You can then start to talk yourself into believing in yourself again. Yes, you did just read that correctly - you can talk yourself into believing in yourself. We’ve already talked previously about affirmations. They can be used to reprogram the mind, and we can start to believe in ourselves again. Use your newly formed beliefs to shape everything you do from now on.

To move on further, you need to get rid of those negative thoughts and feelings, but this takes some time and work. Start by noting down any negative thoughts you have and then answer them with a positive thought. This is something you can do continuously and build on overtime. Eventually, you’ll start to refrain from negative thoughts and automatically think positively. Set for yourself a new challenge. We fall into certain behavior patterns, and when we stop trusting or believing in ourselves, we stop taking on challenges and learning new things. Start by setting a small challenge for yourself, push yourself to succeed in that challenge, and you can see your confidence, trust, and self-belief begin to grow. Don’t compare yourself to others. This again links to acceptance as you need to accept that you are you! We all like different things, and we all appear and sound differently, yet we feel the need to be someone else. Be yourself, accept yourself, and only ever try to improve yourself. You will always fail at being someone else because you are best at being you. Set your own boundaries. When people lose belief and trust in themselves, they start to do things they don’t need or want to do because they feel obliged to. It’s important to set your boundaries. Think about what you are and are not prepared to do. Fear often stops us from saying no and setting boundaries, but this is not a bad thing. A person who sets boundaries shows great leadership and assertiveness skills, which often builds a respectful culture. Ensure that you set both internal and external boundaries!

Chapter 18: (Day 17) Challenging your internal criticism The "chatterbox" inside your head, which sometimes does its best to undermine your self-confidence and diminish your self-esteem, needs to be eliminated. It's a good idea to ignore that chatterbox when it's clear she doesn't have your best interests at heart or when it clearly prejudiced against you and doesn't look at the facts about your particular situation. I'm going to cut the chatterbox a little slack today. And for the rest of this post, I'm going to show good faith by referring to her more politely as your "inner critic." Establishing a good relationship with your inner critic can bring tremendous benefit, and we will explore how to do this in a way that will help you make better choices and create peace and harmony within your mind. One of my pet hates is the notion that "there is equal respect for all opinions." I'm not going to get off on a rant about this. I'm just going to say I'd rather listen to an informed opinion than any uninformed opinion on any topic. If you hear someone's opinion on a subject he or she is completely unaware of. I suggest you seriously consider rejecting it because it will be worth less than an informed view. Nevertheless, indifference is not the only aspect that can disqualify an opinion's usefulness. There is another inappropriate motivation. If you're talking to someone who knows something but chooses to use that knowledge to manipulate you into making bad decisions, you'd be well advised to be alert and on guard. And on the basis that it has no integrity, you should permit yourself to discount that informed opinion.

That brings me back again to your inner critic. Since she's with you every waking moment of the day, we know she's not completely ignorant of you, is she? But what about her motivation: is she "for" or "with" you working? Is she helping you make sound decisions, or is she weakening you and decreasing your trust? Seek not to mute the inner critic. Let's dispel the common notion that the best way to deal with an overly harsh inner critic is to ignore her completely. Even if she transformed into the "chatterbox", we spoke about. It would only be possible to suppress her entirely if you were ready to abandon all your internal judgment and actions. This is not a good idea for several reasons: if you're a psychopath, you can't do it anyway. Normal people are constantly judging things whether or not they admit it. It is part of the mechanism of your life and is hard-wired into your mind. (Oh, and I should point out that you're not a psychopath, or you'd stopped reading this book a long time ago!) It's dangerous to stop listening to someone who has the potential to offer an informed view because it's likely that not everything they've got to say will be worthless for you. Stopping listening to your inner critic can be unethical because she is sometimes quite well-tuned into your morality, and denying what your conscience tells you is a big step along a dangerous road. Just think what it might be like when you decided to work as a team with your inner critic, realizing you're on the same hand, sharing the same ambitions, and having a strong degree of trust between you: wouldn't that be something?

Does your inner reviewer work well with you? To find out, spend about ten minutes writing down all the self-criticisms in the few days you can remember saying to yourself. Then take a look at those self-criticisms to see if they are legitimate. Is it fair? Was it useful? Have they motivated you to change for the better? Or were they nothing more than negative, cruel, and demotivating? The inner critic must be one of the best friends and be at one with your best interests. If she's too zealous, rarely shuts up, or chips away from your heart, then either: a) Push her through some intense, solid practice. Let her rise up to the mark and do her job properly. Catch her make putdown remarks, broad sweeping statements, or a chain of negative or inaccurate comments to retrain your inner critic and then challenge her to be more focused, accurate, positive, encouraging, and helpful. For example: if your inner critic says: "Oh, you're never going to fall in love. You're just so fussy and not attractive enough," challenge her with questions like: can you not think of any couples who are clearly in love but not both drop-dead beautiful? Is it fair to say that I am not sufficiently attractive? Sufficient for what, exactly? Okay, I know it's never easy for anyone to find someone in love with. Can you think of certain things that I can do better to increase my chances of success? Is it so bad to be fooled? After all, it's important to find someone after a while that won't just fade away. Through daily challenge the inner critic, you will retrain her to offer you positive feedback and suggestions instead of self-sabotaging ones.

Swap a better one for her! Think of your inner critic as having your own personality. Imagine that personality is rude, filthy, unfriendly, inhuman, disrespectful, prejudiced towards you, arbitrary in its judgments, out of reach, intolerable, irritating, violent, and damaging. In that case, it is time to cast it out of your mind and substitute it with a personality capable of sharing your life! For instance, I've known women who have lived with an inner critic for years saying horrible things like: "You're just a big, fat, ugly lump of lard. I hate you. You're pathetic. No wonder nobody loves you. I wish you could get your act together and stop looking so miserable." Well, if your inner critic is as harsh as anything, then it's time to find a better motivated inner critic in yourself!

Reinventing the inner critic Here's what to do: begin by visualizing the inner critic inside you at the moment. Focus on giving her personality and characteristics. Give her a monstrous and unsympathetic face if she acts monstrously towards you, and imagine the contorting face as she delivers her negative speeches. Get ready to banish this inner critic out of your mind because you're going to replace her-slowly but surely-with someone with more beautiful features. Each time she rears her nasty head over the next month, I want you to drive her back emotionally. Let's picture her fighting back, but she doesn't get you out. Force her from an imaginary door before shutting her down. Do this as often as necessary until she receives in your mind the message that she is NO LONGER WELCOME. I want you to submit yourself to the new inner opponent who will move into your mind simultaneously. She's dry, reasonable, rational, realistic, just, optimistic, solution-oriented, honest, compassionate, considerate, strong, intelligent, assertive, brave, calm, laughing, and she's a great friend. Imagine dressing her up, laughing, looking at her best. And make sure she looks just like you! You will have persuaded your old horrid inner critic to move out and leave you alone by the time your month's ending. Spend a few weeks putting your energy into connecting with your new, more positive inner critic. Focus on strengthening your bond with her, building confidence in what she's got to tell you. Choose two or three of the features I mentioned two paragraphs back each day to help you do this. Maybe something like "warm and accessible." As you begin to bring your new inner critic to life in your mind, focus on these

characteristics. Make your own words to focus on if you prefer them to my suggestions. For example, you might imagine yourself to be positive, smiling, and a great friend on Day One. On the second day, the picture is brave, relaxed, and concerned for yourself. You can put the terms together and encourage the creativity to take your fresh, fantastic inner critic to life as the days go by. Continue to visualize your inner critic in the way described above after a week, but then, before you finish, ask her an important question relevant to the situation that you both share: "What do you think I can do to make tomorrow better than today?" This will invite your new inner critic to help you do well and feel better about yourself. Just think how much better life would feel if you simply stopped wasting your time listening to an overly harsh inner critic. Instead, spend it building your self-esteem in areas where it is weak, enabling you to think positively and build good judgment. Believe in yourself, feel worthy, act wisely, and succeed in things that matter most to you. Low self-esteem is not a constant affliction. Your inner critic can be your friend, and from this point on, you can overcome it and grow.

Chapter 19: (Day 18) How to Eliminate Negative Thinking Now that you are aware of your negative thoughts, you can start to break free of them. Don't get frustrated if you find it difficult at first. Let’s review a few techniques to help you work through these nagging thoughts.

Reframe Your Negative Thoughts The next time you work on dismantling a negative thought, ask yourself a couple of questions. Is this thought helpful? Is it helping me move toward my goals, or is it holding me back? If that doesn't work, try to reframe the thought more positively. If you think that you're stupid because you never learned how to swim, tell yourself that you're proud of yourself for taking steps to gain a skill you've always wanted to have. You can also reframe your feelings. If you feel anxious, tell yourself that you feel this way because you're about to do something important. Instead of anxiety, reframe your feelings as excitement.

Remove Your Attachment to The Thought Instead of saying, "I'm a loser," switch it to "I'm having the thought that I'm a loser." This is an important distinction even if it seems like a small thing because you gain the perspective that you are not your thoughts. Visualize your negative thought as a balloon and imagine it floating away. Continue with each new, negative thought, and they all float away. Another technique is to thank your mind. If you're worried that the plane you're on is going to crash, thank your mind for being concerned about your safety.

Avoid Generalizations Watch out for absolute terms like "always", "never", "all", "none". These words usually indicate black-and-white thinking. Make your self-talk as balanced and specific as possible. If you're thinking, "I always screw things up," change the thought to, "Sometimes things don't go the way I planned. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they even go better than expected".

Calm Your Inner Critic You can't get rid of your inner critic, but you can learn how to keep it calm and take away its power. Give it a name like Negative Nancy. Remember that it has good intentions. It's trying to save you from potential failure or embarrassment.

Identify Your Negative Core Beliefs Your core beliefs are the principles that guide you through life. They can be positive or negative. When they’re self-limiting, they trick your mind into seeing the world as more dangerous than it is. There are several common core beliefs. See if any of these resonate with you: I don’t belong The world is dangerous I’m a failure I have to be perfect People can’t be trusted Life is full of heartbreak and despair My needs aren’t important

Ignore negativity I choose what gets to take up real estate in my reality! Negativity is a hard NO!” It is important to unplug from all of the problems around you. It’s hard to be confident about your future and anticipate a reversal of a poor fortune if you never ignore the negativity. It does not mean that you pretend it’s not real, but it means you will not let negativity negate the destiny of your life. That alone is enough to have confidence in. It is very simple. We have already unlocked the key of having a positive posse, so sometimes people will try to spew negative, poisonous venom and crush the confidence we are trying so desperately to curate. This is not always done intentionally. However, some people are negative by nature and you, so you have to know when to say NO. Otherwise, they will draw you into a place that you cannot protect your peace from. Notes about negativity Negativity drains you Weakens your immune system Blinds you from what’s before you Robs you of positive possibilities Causes you to repel people that are not replaceable Can potentially lead to depression Creates a low-level living Makes you miss out on special moments Distracts you from your destiny

Robs you of what is rightfully yours Any space, place, or person that spews negativity is counterproductive to your confidence. Ignore it! Don’t even follow it up. Negativity can come from our work environment, school, home, social media, or on the news. The effects can be dangerous. Don’t allow thoughts, opinions, words, and others' actions to make you look at your life differently. There is no reason to feel less than or discouraged by the negativity of your environment. You are phenomenal whether someone else can see it and regardless of what’s going on in the world around us. Fix your focus only on what feeds and fuels your confidence! Reflect: What are the things that you notice put you in a negative frame of mind? 1. ___________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________

What is an action you can take when you notice negativity present in your life? ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

Chapter 20: (Day 19) Tackle Shyness to Present Your Authenticity in Any Crowd Do you ever want to hide, or maybe you want the ground to open up and swallow you? At least that would get you away from the situation you’ve found yourself in, right? Well, that’s all fine, but sadly, hiding will never solve your shyness issues. It’s common to be shy, especially when meeting new people, but shyness can hold us back. Shyness sometimes means we don’t introduce ourselves to others so that it can affect us on a social level. It can impact our job interviews, relationships, and the way we work, making us feel anxious. If we are shy, we tend to melt into the background of everything, and we try not to draw attention to ourselves. When we do, it’s extremely embarrassing! The problem is this shyness holds us back and stops us from getting the best out of ourselves. But what is exactly is shyness, and how can we overcome this for good? Shyness is a part of our personality; in fact, it’s a personality trait. Shy people do not introduce themselves or communicate as quickly or as confidently as someone who is not shy or is confident. This is because they hesitate. They may have anxiety, or they could worry: Will I say the right thing? Or what should I say? And they often just need that little extra time to think and gather themselves. Shyness is a normal part of our personality, but the level of shyness can depend on our temperament. Sometimes people are extremely shy, which can develop further by escalating stress and anxiety levels that can cause extreme anxiety. It can then grow into a social anxiety disorder if we don’t work on this.

If you enter a room and don’t introduce yourself right away, it becomes harder to make that initial introduction. Maybe you pull out your phone, pretend you’re reading or on your phone, and maybe you slip out of social gatherings as early as possible. Imagine this: you go to a networking meeting for your organization, and you constantly check your phone, put your head down, avoid talking to others, and say very little. You can feel yourself going red, and you slip out the back way. Was it worth going? Not really! It would be a waste of time and completely unproductive because you didn’t make that initial introduction and became so anxious that you couldn’t introduce yourself at all. It got harder the longer it went on until you left. The more we allow ourselves to be shy, the more we allow it to fester, the more overwhelmed we feel, and the harder it is to overcome. One way to overcome shyness is to face situations that make us feel shy but controlled. The idea is that you should take things slowly and not give up but celebrate the small wins along the way. Once we make progress and our confidence grows, our shyness will become easier to control.

Social anxiety and shyness Social anxiety is another condition associated with shyness. Shyness can trigger feelings of anxiety due to the way a person feels about a social situation. We’ve already discussed shyness and how it is a personality trait; it’s part of who we are, but social anxiety is very different. Social anxiety is a severe anxiety disorder that prevents a person from partaking in certain activities and situations because they can’t control their anxiety levels. This means they avoid even some of the most regular activities. A person who suffers from this disorder has a significant amount of fear. They feel embarrassed or humiliated when it comes to social-based situations, especially if they feel that they will be expected or even pressured to participate. When a person suffers severely from this, it increases stress and distress levels, which means the person would much rather avoid the situation than feel this level of fear.

Staying Authentic It’s important to remember that you’re in danger of changing who you are when changing your personality. For some, this may seem to be a good thing, but for others, they may not want to change too much – quite right! You may need to change certain aspects of yourself, providing you are changing for the right reasons, but it’s important to stay true to who you are. When you start to make changes, you mustn’t try to mold your personality to suit others. If we try to be something we’re not, it will make us unhappy, causing further anxiety. When others see you, they will see a sincere person when you are yourself, but when you try to be something or someone you’re not, you will find that people are not so easily fooled. It’s in our nature to see through people, and we are naturally drawn to authentic and honest people we can relate to. Be careful not to force any changes and only change aspects of yourself. If you are not true to yourself, cracks will appear, and others will struggle to trust you. We have to accept that although we can make improvements and slight changes, we can only be ourselves. However, this is something that many people with low-confidence struggle with. This is because they feel like they are not good enough. If you are shy or anxious, then it is part of your personality trait. If you suddenly stop being shy, people will wonder why. That’s because we don’t just transition from being a quiet little mouse in the corner who dare not speak into a loudmouth overnight. Most people will never transition in such a drastic way, nor would anyone believe it because it’s too unbelievable. While it’s great to make personal leaps in our personal development, ensure that you are still the person you are and want to be. To do this, you should: Visualize your ideal self and keep working towards it.

Make the changes you need to make for yourself. Don’t make the changes you feel you should make or that other people tell you to make. Think about your core beliefs in life and follow them. Don’t stray! With all of the conditions we’ve compared in this chapter, it is clear that there are similarities between social anxiety, shyness, and introversion. They can have similar traits as we’ve discovered, but they are all very different too. How do we take action to improve our confidence when there are so many things to overcome? We will unravel various techniques throughout this book, and as every person is different, it’s a case of trying them and seeing which works best for you. If you suffer from shyness and social anxiety, you need to focus on changing your negative thinking patterns, and you should also set yourself little challenges to make progress. For example, you can use affirmations and goal setting to help yourself overcome your barriers. Your goals should be focused on engagement and trying new things. You can also use breathing strategies to learn how to cope in uncomfortable situations too. It depends on the levels of your shyness and social anxieties, but make sure you celebrate any wins, no matter how small they are. Don’t be afraid to get help and advice from professionals if you need it. When it comes to introversion, you can use similar techniques, like goal setting and trying new things. If you are simply an introvert, it’s likely that you won’t need to do the coping techniques because if you are an introvert, this is usually a choice or preference. Again, make sure you celebrate your wins. As an introvert, it is likely that you don’t like to draw attention to

yourself but think about the type of person you would like to be and use small goals to make those personality changes. It is likely that you’ll have to work on your own beliefs and attitude to help you take a different view and react differently to social situations. If you keep practicing social interactions and setting small goals, you will soon overcome this barrier as it will become second nature in the future.

Chapter 21: (Day 20) Practicing Acceptance When discussing acceptance, it is important to recognize the difference between your strengths and your challenges. Taking this a step further, it’s crucial to distinguish between challenges that are in your control to change and those that are not. Acceptance is not an excuse for behaviors that deliberately hurt others or yourself. The challenges in behavior and interactions with the world that affect others (or yourself) negatively are within your control to change. This is not the same as accepting them or adopting a mindset of “That’s just the way I am.” On the other hand, when discussing challenges outside your control, like physical characteristics, the goal is to get to a place of acceptance. In this case, you are encouraged to adopt a mindset of “That’s just the way I am,” but with a positive spin on the perceived challenge. Accepting your strengths can be extremely empowering, especially if you have never allowed yourself to feel pride in or excitement about your gifts and talents. By the end of this chapter, I hope that you have a clear and honest picture of yourself and that you can see yourself as the amazing, talented, complicated, and beautiful woman you are. Keep in mind that your strengths can lead to challenges. Sometimes the characteristics that help you be successful in one area of your life cause issues in other areas.

Accepting Your Strengths Many women struggle to accept their strengths or even deny them outright. A typical example is responding to a compliment with a self-deprecating comment, like saying, “Oh, it’s so dirty!” when someone admires your hair. Or perhaps you haven’t raised your hand in class because it would have been the fifth time you answered a question, and you did not want others to feel bad about themselves—or think you were full of yourself. The same goes if you tend to put on a “hot mess mama” façade when you are naturally organized and highly creative and require very little sleep to function. The first step in increasing your self-confidence is identifying and accepting your strengths. This can be an uncomfortable process, especially if you are not accustomed to tooting your own horn, but it is absolutely necessary.

Identify Your Strengths Many clinicians approach therapy from a strengths-based perspective. Focusing on a client’s strengths is key to developing an effective treatment plan. This increases self-confidence, and giving someone goals based on their strengths increases their ability to be successful. To identify your strengths, consider the opinions of the people who love you. What do your close friends say about you? What do your children say? The people who love you likely think the world of you and will focus on positives rather than negatives. Next, think about what you love about yourself. What do you do well? What characteristics make you unique? Think about the values you identified in the previous chapter. Do you embody these values in how you interact with others at home, at work, or out in the world? If you cannot come up with your strengths, refer to the list of what loved ones say, and start there.

Why Do We Downplay Our Strengths? Why do some women have difficulty accepting compliments, and how does this affect self-confidence? Some women feel uncomfortable with their strengths because they have not fully accepted them or lack the confidence to believe the strength exists. You may not know how to respond to a compliment. A simple “thank you” may feel awkward because you don’t want to appear arrogant. You may think the simple act of acknowledging a strength will make someone feel bad about herself, but the only one feeling that way is you. When people comment on your strengths or compliment you, thank them. Even if you have trouble accepting the strength as truth, act as if you believe it to be true and have already accepted what we say and think become mental tape recordings that repeat the same statements over and over. If you are constantly saying, or even thinking, negative things about yourself, those words become your mantras. When you downplay a strength, you chip away at your confidence. Not only that but downplaying your strengths also encourages other women to downplay theirs. When you recognize and celebrate your strengths, you give others the confidence to do the same, which is a wonderful thing.

Turn Your Strengths into Positive Mantras When you turn your strengths into positive self-statements, you start to increase your self-confidence. Use “I am” statements along with the strength (“I am kind,” “I am smart,” “I am creative,” “I am organized”). Or take it a step further and develop a statement that also reflects how your strength helps others (“My creativity brings joy to others around me,” “My intelligence allows me to help others by sharing my skills,” “My organizational skills make me an efficient and productive employee”).

Celebrate Your Strengths It is an exercise in self-love to recognize your gifts, be grateful for them, and share them with the world. It is not arrogant to know you have talents that others may not possess. It is okay to say, “I am good at keeping my house organized.” If you’re the next Marie Kondo, claim it and be proud. If you have a talent for creativity—art, baking, decorating, sewing—accepting and sharing it can help others. If you are a talented surgeon, a great dog trainer, a gifted musician, or an excellent teacher, don’t minimize it. Viewing strengths as gifts you can use to better your family, your career, or your community is a way of celebrating them, and ultimately an act of selflove.

Exercise: Your Strengths Inventory It can be challenging to identify your strengths, especially if you are in the habit of discrediting them. If you were to ask your partner, your child, or your best friend what they love most about you, what would they say? List their responses as strengths in the first column. In the next column, write down the positive qualities you see in yourself, even if they are already in the first column. Turn these strengths into positive self-statements in the third column. In the final column, state how you can share your strengths with others. Make sure to bookmark this page so you can return and add more strengths that you identify later (because you will!). STRENGTHS INVENTORY WHAT DO OTHERS SAY ARE MY STRENGTHS?

WHAT DO I SEE AS MY STRENGTHS?

Makes good cupcakes

Good baker

Generous

Kind

Caring

Caring

Organized

Efficient

TURN THESE INTO POSITIVE

HOW DO I SHARE THIS WITH

SELF-STATEMENTS:

THE WORLD?

1 “I bake yummy treats with love

1 “I baked cupcakes for our

for my family.”

neighbor who just had surgery.”

2 “I am a generous and kind person

2 “I donate my time and volunteer at

with so much to give.”

a women’s shelter.”

3 “I care deeply about others.”

3 “I show compassion to the women I help at the shelter.”

4 “I am efficient and productive.” 4 “I get good results at work, and my organized nature leads to decreased clutter at home.”

Accepting Your Weaknesses Accepting your weaknesses also leads to growth, change, and a greater understanding of yourself. To grow, some discomfort is necessary. When you are honest with yourself about your mistakes and your shortcomings, you are taking the first step in building your self-confidence. Identifying your weaknesses is not about tearing yourself down. It’s about accepting who you are while acknowledging areas where you may need some growth and change. Self-confidence grows out of becoming the best version of yourself and loving yourself through the process.

Identify Your Challenges For many women, identifying flaws in themselves may be relatively easy, especially when looking at physical characteristics. Rather than focusing on the physical characteristics you see as weaknesses, concentrate on your challenges. These may be related to your personality or behavior, your usual ways of interacting with others, or your methods of reacting to negative or positive events. Once you’ve identified challenges and weaknesses, you can take steps to deal with them, even as you acknowledge they may never completely disappear. Acceptance comes from loving yourself despite these weaknesses, and self-confidence grows from your ability to view challenges in a more positive light. Self-confidence also grows from your determination to improve qualities that are in your control to change. CHALLENGES INVENTORY WHAT ARE MY CHALLENGES? My nose is too

IS THIS IN MY CONTROL TO

ARE THERE ANY POSITIVE SIDES TO THIS

CHANGE?

CHALLENGE?

No

My nose is something I

big.

inherited from my beautiful grandmother.

I eat too much

Yes

junk food.

I do not deprive myself of treats.

I’m controlling.

Yes

I am organized, efficient, and helpful.

I worry too

Yes

I care deeply about the people I

much.

love and want them to be safe.

Recognizing the positive aspects of your challenges, especially those that are not in your capacity to change (i.e., physical traits), allows you to practice loving and to accept yourself. Loving yourself and seeing your challenges in a positive light increases your self-confidence. When you recognize the challenges in your control to change, you acknowledge your nature's complexities and remember you have the power to change your reactions, responses, and habits.

Free Yourself from Guilt and Shame We feel guilty all the time for everything, which takes a hard hit on our selfesteem. First of all, all guilt focuses on your mistakes instead of on all the things you’re doing well, and second, the painful feeling of guilt could lead you to doubt yourself as a person, which is toxic for your self-esteem. Why do we constantly feel guilty? Because we’ve been conditioned to feel guilty our whole life. Consciously or unconsciously, since our childhood, our family, friends, society, school, loved ones, and religion has fed our guilt and enforced it through the reward and punishment system. Shame and guilt are particularly devastating to women’s self-esteem. When self-esteem is low, women tend to personalize everything that happens, feeling guilty and taking responsibility for things that go wrong. Through negative self-talk, the guilt is transformed to shame, resulting in messages that say, “I did something wrong. Therefore I am bad. I am flawed; I am worthless.” Shame is counterproductive to the development of healthy selfesteem, keeping a woman trapped in intensely painful feelings and beliefs of worthlessness, isolation, and powerlessness. Shame researcher Brené Brown cites three steps to banishing shame: 1. Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love. 2. Reach out to someone you trust. 3. Tell your story because shame cannot survive being spoken. Simply put, empathy is the antidote to shame. In being more compassionate in your self-talk and telling your story to someone you can trust to provide empathy and validation, you can end the powerful destruction of shame and move toward healthy self-esteem.

Adopt a Growth Mindset A growth mindset is vital to maintaining positivity through challenges, as you can look at possibilities rather than just accept things as they are. Try to see your talents as gifts that you can develop rather than innate, fixed concepts. Accept that change is possible—and unavoidable. When you shift to a growth mindset, you start to take in feedback to understand that it is not personal, and you will view setbacks as opportunities for improvement and growth. Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes, you’ll embrace them as part of the process and learn to value your tenacity. Adopting a growth mindset leads you to approach your challenges with excitement because you know change is possible. You are not stuck with your weaknesses or powerless to change your behavior.

Thought exercise: Compassion for Yourself Are you struggling to find compassion for something in particular? Think of a time when you were unnecessarily hard on yourself. Maybe you hurt someone without intending to. Maybe you made an error at work that had terrible consequences. Maybe you became frustrated and yelled at your children. No matter how awful the mistake, recognize that you deserve forgiveness. Write this down: “I am imperfect and deserving of forgiveness.” List the ways you have grown and learned from the mistake. Then let it go. Strategies you can use right now to help you stay in a growth mindset: Take a compliment with grace by simply saying, “thank you.” Or, if you feel the need to add more, you can say, “Thank you! That is kind of you to say,” or “I appreciate that.” Give out compliments freely and honestly, especially to other women. Use the positive self-statements developed in the strengths exercise earlier in this chapter and frequently say them aloud. Write some on sticky notes that you can see throughout your day. Practice compassion. Be kind to yourself. Say out loud, “I am doing the best I can right now, and that is okay.” Each week, using your strengths inventory, choose one way to share your strengths with the world. Tell someone three things that went well for you this week. Invite her to tell you three things that went well in her life as well.

Chapter 22: (Day 21) Rewriting Your Story As you reflect on the experiences that shaped your current level of selfesteem, see if you can rewrite your story to find the silver lining, lessons, or positive takeaways. You cannot change your history, but you can change the way you feel about past experiences, and you can also control how you talk to yourself about your role in various circumstances. Maybe you were just doing the best you could to survive the chaos, confusion, or dysfunction

Create Self-Trust In order to trust yourself, you must know yourself. Continue to become clear on who you are and what your purpose in life is. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you grow into who you are. Trust yourself to do your best. So how do you create self-trust? Here are some tips to help you get started: Be honest with yourself. Don’t tell yourself lies or feed your head with inaccurate or untrue information. Guard your heart against self-deceit. Love yourself unconditionally. Know that others love you. Know that you have a purpose on this earth. Understand that you are not a throw-away. You are your best friend—there until the end. Give yourself a chance to try again, even if you’ve failed before. Don’t give up on yourself no matter how many times you have to try again to accomplish what you must accomplish. Don’t shut out your own voice or let anyone else shut out your voice. Listen to your heart and follow your heart. Keep your promises and commitments to yourself. Continue to improve yourself in any way you can so that you are less vulnerable to failure. If you do “fail,” pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. Encourage yourself with pep talks. Speak affirmations to yourself daily. Create a support team to encourage you and stand with you when the naysayers try to rob you of your dreams, ideas, and goals.

Do not live in shame but forgive yourself and move forward in confidence. When self-doubt tries to sneak in, remind yourself that you are the most important person in your life, and even if you have not been self-trusting in the past, you are learning to trust yourself and depend on yourself. Remind yourself of the times when you have kept promises to yourself, been dependable, and loved yourself unconditionally. Remind yourself that your past story of insecurity, lack of confidence, and self-doubt is your past story —and NOW you are writing a new story!

Look Back to Move Forward Before we move on, spend some time thinking about the major points of this step, Know Yourself, and reflect upon what you have learned and how this knowledge has shaped your current view of yourself. Messages we receive or perceive from experiences throughout our lives play a role in our sense of self and how we feel about our identity. These experiences also shape the way we think about, talk to, and treat ourselves. To build self-esteem, we need to identify our internal dialogue and understand how distorted thinking and unrealistic pressures we place on ourselves impede our ability to experience self-worth. While we cannot change the facts of our past, we can work to change our negative self-talk and find meaning that moves us forward toward acceptance and growth.

Take Action! Here are some suggested activities you can do to reinforce what you’ve learned. Look back at old family photographs and write about what your life was like as a child. Write down three examples of negative self-talk you caught in your internal dialogue this week. See if you can identify the distortions. Come up with three examples of positive self-talk—or even just one. Write them down and consider how they make you feel. Watch Brené Brown’s “Listening to shame” TED Talk (available online). Identify a challenge or setback you encountered this week and see if you can pinpoint one positive lesson from experience.

Chapter 23: (Day 22) Know Your Power and Leverage Your Strengths Some of the power and the strengths that you possess have been gifted to you. Whether by genetics or by the environment (the verdict is still out), you may have acquired some amazing powers and strengths from your parents. And just being a human being gives you more power than you think! Other powers and strengths may have been acquired through development and hard work on your part. Nonetheless, everyone has power, and everyone has strengths. The problem is, many do not realize the power they have and can wield and do not have the confidence to leverage their strengths to their advantage to enrich their lives and others’ lives in a meaningful and productive way.

The Power All Humans Possess When a person lacks confidence, they may fail to recognize the power they possess. They may feel powerless. Lack of awareness of power, in turn, can further lead to a deeper lack of confidence. As a human being, you have certain powers. Power to Choose Respect. As a human being, you have the power to earn respect and consideration of others by being an authentic and honest person. You also have the power to live in dignity. Power to Treat Yourself and Others Well. You have the power to treat yourself well and to treat others well. Power to Invest in Yourself and Others. You have the power to invest in yourself through personal self-development. You have the power to love yourself unconditionally and believe that you can succeed in your endeavors and meaningful work. Power to Determine Who You Are and What You Believe. As a human being, you, and no one else, has the power to determine who you are and what you believe. No one can take that power from you. Power to Choose Who is in Your Life. You have the power to choose whom you will allow in your life so that you may avoid a life of conflict and chaos. Power to Understand Your Value. You have the power to understand that you are not less than any other human. Power to Determine Your Happiness. As a human, you can decide to be happy. You have the power to be happy and peaceful, no matter what situation you are in or what circumstances you face.

Power to Educate, Learn, and Grow. As a human, you are in charge of your education. You can determine how much and by what method you choose to learn and grow. Power to Walk in Confidence. You have the power to believe in yourself to be the person you want to be and accomplish the things that you want to accomplish.

You may also possess unique powers that allow you to accomplish the things you want to accomplish in your life. Frequently, these unique powers are referred to as superpowers! Yes, just like the powers that the Superheroes possess! You have unique powers that help you do extraordinary things amazingly well.

Determine Your Unique Power and Strengths and How to Use It There will be others who can (and do) do the same type of work that you can do. So, what makes your power unique? YOU! Your power is unique because it comes from within you. It comes from your heart, your beliefs, your vision, your perspective, and so forth. That is what makes it unique. And that is why you should embrace and use your power with confidence! Your strengths may be skills that you have developed, or they may be a talent that comes naturally to you. For example, some people have the skill of listening to others and seeing their problems clearly. This strength could be utilized in many volunteer or job positions to provide customer service,

managerial support, mental health, and so forth.

Invest in Yourself Investing in yourself is a common thread throughout this workbook. It cannot be emphasized often enough! If you don’t yet feel confident enough to utilize your powers and strengths, invest in yourself to develop selfconfidence. To leverage your power and strength, you may need to invest in yourself by going back to college to get a degree in your chosen field or, at least, take some classes or get a certification. Or perhaps, you need to improve your character to develop the character required for a certain position. You may need to work on improving your health, so you have the physical strength for what you need to do. Whatever you need to do, invest in yourself, and move forward. Seeking out a mentor may help recognize your unique power and strengths and help you reach your goal to leverage your power and strengths. Have the confidence to ask for help. Weak people sit in a corner and do nothing. Strong people realize they need help and have the confidence to ask for it. Do not hide your power and strength from others. The world needs your power and strengths. The world needs YOU. Determine how you can best use your power and strength and use them! Shine!

Chapter 24: (Day 23) Relax Your Body: Yoga There are yoga routines specifically designed to relax the body. When we’re stressed, our muscles are in a constantly tense state. This tension can cause tightness and pain. It can also keep the body in an alert state, which feeds our stress. You can find the best routine for yourself on YouTube by visiting a local yoga studio or referring to one of the many books and videos on yoga. Here are some tips for a relaxing yoga session: Practice in a quiet environment with no disruptions. Ensure that your body stays warm. Avoid lying down on a cold floor and heat the room if necessary. Placing a small pillow under your head and a larger one under your knees provides additional support while you’re doing poses in supine positions.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) This deep relaxation exercise has been effectively used since the 1930s to treat stress, anxiety, relieve chronic pain, and help people sleep. It’s simply a technique that entails tensing or tightening one muscle group, which is then released. Most practitioners start with the lower extremities and work their way up to the face. It can be practiced lying down or while you’re seated. Practicing PMR at night before bedtime can help you fall asleep faster.

Take a Walk Don’t underestimate the power of a simple walk. Walking is not only a good form of exercise; it can also be relaxing. A nice leisurely stroll in a quiet place will allow you to practice an easy meditation. Just focus on your steps or repeat a word or phrase to yourself. A brisker walk provides aerobic benefits, which can help reduce stress and improve your overall health. The reason walking is such a powerful stress reducer seems to be related to its ability to release endorphins. These potent brain chemicals are key factors in inducing relaxation and relieving pain. Studies have shown that the higher the level of endorphins in your body, the calmer you’ll feel. Walking does your body good!

Have a Massage Why? Because massages feel amazing! But they also provide important health benefits. Research has shown that regular massage can help you feel less sore, make you feel less sad, and keep you healthy. Here are just four of the benefits of massage: It relaxes your muscles by increasing blood flow and circulation. Regular massage reducing cortisol production and lowering this hormone's amount in your body boosts your immune system! Massage causes the body to release dopamine, which reduces stress and contributes to an overall well-being feeling. Neck, back, and shoulder pain are significantly reduced by massage. There are so many types of massage, how do you know which one is best for you? The key is choosing a relaxing massage instead of focusing on working the muscles, like a sports massage. Here are the two types of massage which are best for relaxation: Swedish massages use longer, more fluid strokes and focus on providing a relaxing sensation. This gentle massage is effective at reducing cortisol, which in turn improves immune function. Shiatsu massages (Shiatsu means finger pressure in Japanese) focus on using pressure at certain points throughout the body, with the goal of promoting healing throughout the body. The massage therapist only uses their fingers, thumbs, and palms, and the pressure is never uncomfortable. Studies have found that Shiatsu can improve pain and improve sleep in people who have fibromyalgia.

Soak in A Warm Bath Soaking in a nice, warm bath is a wonderful way to relax. The warmth is therapeutic because it increases blood flow to the skin. Also, there are a few tips which will allow you to get the most benefits from this form of water therapy: Use hot water, but not too hot! Your body needs to allow some heat to escape, so keep your head and arms out of the water. You can also use a cool washcloth on your face. Use soothing herbs or oils for an aromatherapy experience. Lavender is great right before bed as It helps you wind down and fall asleep. Adding a cup of Epsom salts is beneficial if you suffer from aches and pains. And the lactic acid in a cup of milk is an excellent skin softener. Listen to music or meditate while you soak to relax even more. Make sure your bathroom is quiet and not too bright. Use aromatherapy candles to enhance the mood and add ambiance.

Staying Healthy In addition to reducing the stress on your mind and body, your overall health makes an incredible impact on your emotional well-being. Treating your body well is important for several reasons, but it requires a big mind-shift if your low self-confidence has you always putting the needs of others before your own. You must take care of yourself by: Getting enough sleep Exercising regularly Eating moderate amounts of healthy food Abstaining from tobacco, and excessive amounts of alcohol and caffeine Brushing and flossing your teeth Making sure you visit the dentist and your doctor for routine care

Chapter 25: (Day 24) Meditation for selfConfidence Meditation is a wonderful tool that can be used to master or improve any skill or ability, confidence included. This method often goes unnoticed and is rather thought of in the spiritual sense or as a means of stress relief or calming and relaxing during trying times. Meditation grants you the power, at that moment, to decide the outcome of your own life. The past and the future have no place here, and the only thing is now and you. Meditation has the effect of bringing awareness into your mind, and if you decide to boost your confidence, you will. There are certain tricks you can try to use meditation to boost your confidence and make you feel wonderful about yourself and your abilities. It’s time to take charge of your dreams and create your future. Try to remember what confidence feels like. Think back on past situations where your confidence was at an all-time high and try to recall how wonderful it felt to be so in control. Use these positive feelings from past experiences as weapons or tools when approaching new challenges in the present. Use your meditation to picture future challenges and your success. This is a wonderful way to boost your confidence. Meditation takes practice. The situations you envision should be as detailed as possible. Use those positive feelings from the past where you have felt great confidence and bring them into this situation and envision your success. Focus on the present moment, take what you need from your past experiences and let them go. We have all had situations where we seem overwhelmed with problems. Every thought has negative connotations and very little confidence you

need to overcome the problem or situation. Try very hard to stay in the moment. The past is gone, and the future yet to happen, but you can control the present moment. Sit quietly, breathing, focus on the moment, and you will begin to realize that life is not as complex as it seems to be, and this will encourage a calming effect that will allow you to reach for the confidence you need to succeed and overcome these challenges. There are guidelines to follow to achieve the most from your meditations. Find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts, no distractions, and no noise. Sit upright with good posture Breathe, inhale deeply and exhale Pause between breaths Repeat an affirmation to yourself as you breathe in and out. “I am confident,” “I am worthy,” “I am capable.” Meditations should be practiced regularly; practice makes perfect as with any skill. As you practice more and more, you will begin to find it easier to close yourself off from the outside world for long periods. Begin with ten minutes and progress from there. The more you practice, the easier you will find it to meditate. Your life will be filled with understanding and the confidence you need to succeed and take on any task, no matter how big or small it is. Your inner power will grow in strength and that will propel you to great heights. It may seem boring at first, but persevere through this and incorporate meditation into your daily life. Don’t make excuses for why you can’t meditate today. Ten minutes is all it takes. When you finally experience

inner confidence and inner peace, it will be well worth it, and true happiness awaits. Affirmations are an important part of meditation and should be part of your daily routine. Some popular affirmations to boost confidence are simple and easy to remember but are extremely effective. They seek to instill belief in you, believe in yourself and in your abilities. “I live in the present, and I am very confident about my future.” “I approve of me; I love myself completely and believe in my abilities.” “I love challenges; they bring out the best in me.” “I thrive on confidence, and nothing is impossible. I am capable of.” Of course, you can think up some of your affirmations, which means something to you and is important in your situation. Maintain a positive vibe with your affirmations; no negative emotions are allowed. Always bear in mind that how others perceive you is heavily reliant on how you perceive yourself. The more confident you are, the more likely to succeed you will become. Believe in yourself, believe in your abilities, and realize that you can overcome any challenge in your way. Be grateful for what you have been provided with, as gratitude is positive energy we all should incorporate into our lives. Eat well and stay fit. A healthy mind and body will promote a healthy outlook on life and the challenges it brings with it. Direct your thoughts towards solutions to problems rather than concentrating on the problems. These may all seem like small things, but these small things can impact your confidence in ways you could never imagine.

Seek Out New Challenges and Activities In many situations, some of our favorite activities are yet to be discovered. However, thanks to the negative self-talk that comes with low self-esteem, we often find reasons not to engage in new activities and try new things. Our brains tell us that everyone will be judging us because we’re new, or people will laugh at us because we’re doing something with the wrong form or positioning. Whatever it is, it can be debilitating. To improve your confidence, you need to go out of your comfort zone (way out of it) and try things that you’ve never done before. There will be many internal voices telling you not to go out and try something new, but you need to ignore them and realize that not everyone is perfect when they first start, which brings us to the next point.

Chapter 26: (Day 25) Moving Forward Congratulations! You have made it through the 25 days! Hopefully you have developed a greater connection with your own unique identity. You have unleashed some of the inner strength that will serve as your most powerful tool moving forward, guiding you as you continue to develop more confidence and greater self-esteem. You have worked hard to tackle some tough issues, achieved a noble goal, and placed yourself well on the path to discovering your true potential. If you aren’t yet feeling complete confidence and solid inner strength, don’t let this discourage you. SELF-ESTEEM CONTINUUM

Has your overall self-esteem improved from where you started? If so, what rewards are you experiencing as a result? If not, what do you think is impeding your progress? Which suggestions have you tried to incorporate into your life, and which of them have been the most helpful? What do you think you can do to help this further along? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Your self-esteem may not yet be quite where you would like it to be, but with an ongoing commitment to using the new tools and skills you’ve learned, your self-esteem will continue to improve. Even once you reach a solid level of healthy self-esteem consistent across all areas of your life,

continue utilizing all of the steps discussed to maintain steady, stable selfesteem. Remember that life’s setbacks can derail your progress, so making a special effort to practice and incorporate each tool into your daily life is vital to ensuring ongoing self-esteem. While our initial work together is nearly done, your journey to sustaining healthy self-esteem will continue. Remember that maintaining healthy self-esteem requires a lifelong commitment to keeping up with your new ways of relating to, caring for, and appreciating yourself. It will continue to get easier with time and practice as you lock in healthy habits and completely shift your entire way of being to the healthier, happier you’ve talked about throughout this book. This workbook has provided you with a space to work through factors that contributed to low self-esteem and process the thoughts and emotions that emerged as you explored new materials. Look back over your responses to the questions and exercises you completed and consider how things might be different now. What do you notice when you look back and compare where you are now to where you started? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What areas do you still plan to improve? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------As you move on, return to this book as often as you wish. Use it as a reference, and be sure to look back over your work to monitor your growth periodically. Prioritize holding onto your sense of well-being as you navigate your future with a continued effort to practice self-care, selfrespect, self-acceptance, and self-love fervently. Remember to give yourself credit and praise for your progress, including even the smallest of baby steps. You did this! Continue to set goals that are healthy and realistic and persist in utilizing everything you have learned. Be your loyal friend. Honor yourself and be ruthless about protecting your self-esteem, like you would that of a good friend. As you have discovered, healthy self-esteem is at the root of all forms of well-being. Maintaining healthy self-esteem will enable you to value your life and pursue your passions, leading to a happier, more fulfilling existence. It will allow you to feel secure with your identity, no matter what life throws your way. You now have the tools to cultivate your best life and approach every day with a greater sense of well-being. Your stronger self-esteem will help you to be more resilient than ever. I wish you continued success and peace in your ongoing journey. Remember, you are worth every bit of it!

Actions for Boosting Low Self-Esteem As women, we sell ourselves short. Maybe it's because we don't think we'll make up for what the world expects of us. For example, appeal displayed in publications, signboards, and advertisements has everything from cheekbones, waistlines, skin tone, and the sizes of nose, lips, eyes, breasts, and buttocks digitally improved. Who can take that in the real world? We're expected to be the best mom, the perfect spouse, hot, strong, smart (however not too wise), a confidant, friend, flexible, financial wiz, and the list goes on and on. We need to be whatever that everybody expects of us; otherwise, we lose confidence in ourselves. We consume over our "failures" because we believe that our neighbor, sis, coworker, and every other lady can do it all. Low self-esteem can rollover from our teen years or approach us when we least expect it. We lose confidence, and a few of us never had it to fail if the fact is told. Some reports recommend that a woman's self-esteem is associated with how her significant other, family, or friends views her. For these women, their self-image problems are out of their control. Women forget far too quickly that self-esteem is all about self-image and total self-confidence. The good news is that a negative self-image is entirely reversible, but we have to be ready, able, and ready to reprogram our thinking. To begin the process, here are a few ideas for developing self-esteem: =Get a new mindset - Thinking happy thoughts will put you in a better state of mind. Do not state things to put yourself down, but more notably, don't ever allow yourself to think those toxic thoughts. Anguish is contagious, and if your buddies are unhappy with themselves, it will rub off, even if you do not know it. Sign up with a club, get a new

hairdo, and keep your alternatives open for new experiences. Feelings of low self-esteem are regularly linked with physical looks, such as weight (specifically in women). If you can confess to your negative habits or behaviors, you can take control of them! =Set New Goals for Yourself - Working towards an expert or individual goal can do wonders for your self-esteem. Weight loss (as noted above), going back to school, refining a craft, starting your own business are all things that will help you to focus favorably on yourself. =Empower Yourself - Get your confidence, start believing in yourself, and stop reading for someone to verify you. You may be amazed to find out how many people will be drawn to your self-confidence, including the opposite sex! = Don't hesitate to look for counseling - If you know you have problems that are hard for you to manage alone, you mustn't handle them alone. Discover an expert to work with you when you're ready. Even looking for professional assistance can be empowering. =Be Led by Faith - Whether through spirituality or through those that genuinely love you, encourage yourself to be led by the faith that others have in you. You are capable, and you are loveable, and you deserve to be delighted. You do have a gift and emotional appeal. Just trust yourself, and you'll find it. You are bombarded with a million images on the television and the internet, all of which are intended at telling you how you ought to look, what you ought to use and what you should do to get ahead, how to get a better partner while discarding the present one or how to have better sex.

However, below are significant steps towards building a reservoir of selfesteem.

Be Positive Being positive is the first essential to restoring your self-esteem. Even though bad things can occur to negative and positive individuals, the gungho types tend to make the best of a bad scenario. There are evident advantages in being optimistic, and it is related to a positive state of mind and high morale, good health, active problem-solving capabilities, and flexibility from stress. It leads to low self-esteem, which will manifest like some hydra-headed alien through high levels of stress and anxiety, depression, jealousy, relationship breakups, and an inability to think positively. Negative thinking implies unfavorable vibrations.

Be Content with Yourself Emotional security cannot be purchased at any rate. It comes from within. You are surrounded by the frequently toxic criticism of other people against the world, other people, including yourself. If you are not prepared to deal with it, you are responsible for ending up living in a state of apprehended madness. Or much better still, you can calmly go back like some Jedi knight and handle these "interruptions" by "discovering to be self-sufficient with the deficiency of things." You learn to be content with yourself to be delighted with the way you are. It does not suggest that you start to appear like a frump or letting yourself go to seed, but more than happy about yourself, and your self-confidence increases the number of notches.

Be Firm and Believe in Your Dreams

You have to determine what you want in life and then go for it, regardless of what others do or say to discourage you because it is your life, not theirs. I always say you have one shot life on earth; for that reason, make the finest of it. And most essential, never bow down to the pressures of those around you to give up on your dream of being self-fulfilled.

Just believe in yourself and your dreams. They become real. Confidence is typically explained as a state of being particular. A hypothesis or prediction is appropriate, or that a selected course of action is the finest or most reliable offered the circumstances. Lack of confidence in oneself is what stops individuals from getting concentrated on what they wish to achieve at a point in time. That little voice within telling them they can't do something is their biggest unmotivated. Boosting your self-esteem and confidence can help you understand and empower you, consequently moving you towards your pursuit of success in life.

What can you do to gain confidence? You have to be confident in who and also who you are. There is no feeling in moving from right here to right here till you brand it in your heart and spirit that you are fearfully and unbelievably made. Face Your Fear: Is there a particular thing you are terrified of? Face it. Doing something scary and conquering the worry is a superb way to enhance your confidence. Go on, leap out of that plane (with a parachute undoubtedly), drive that lorry, talk in front of a big group, ask for a promotion, or whatever it is that horrifies you. 2. Love Yourself: We are typically informed to like others as we enjoy ourselves. Could this be the problem with the majority of our relationships, we do not love ourselves? This can take little practice and looks amusing; however, try it. It works. Offer yourself a tremendous, large hug when you wake up in the morning. Do the same when it's time for rest. You've heard this claimed a million times before: "How can you anticipate others to love you if you do not love on your own?" It's real. Exercise the very early morning and also evening hugs for two weeks, potentially three weeks if you're the stubborn kind, and you'll see just how fantastic it works. 3. Avoid excuses: You must resist the urge to always make excuses; in other words, the excuses for why you could have should have, or would have. It might sound something like the following: “If only…” The above two words have caused shattered dreams, missed opportunities, damaged relationships, and so on. Do the following sound familiar? If I had much more money, if I could dance, if only I had an education like so,

therefore, if only I were thinner, if only I might gain more weight, if only I were like so and so. Life is too short to remain in situations of ‘if only.’ If you can change it or improve on it, just do it. If not, accept what is and cherish the moments of your life. Live, live, live! Do not come to the last days of your life with a statement like… “I could have lived a complete and remarkable life. If only.”

Chapter 27: 37 Self Esteem Affirmations for Women 37 Affirmations for Self-Esteem and Confidence 1. I am a winner. I believe that everything is going to work out for me 2. I possess the tools that I need to succeed. 3. I can get the job done better than anybody else. 4. I have faith in my ability to socialize. 5. My strength is bigger and stronger than my struggle 6. Fear does not live within me. 7. Every day, I am getting stronger. 8. My body is capable of more than I understand, and I am amazed by it. 9. I can do this. 10.

I do not give up.

11.

This is who I want to be.

12.

I am not able to be made inferior by anyone.

13.

I am fierce.

14.

I am invaluable.

15.

I am an inspiration to others.

16.

I am the fire.

17.

I will be driven by success.

18.

I am not jealous of other people's success because I know that mine is on its way.

19.

I am confident and self-assured when I speak.

20.

I will say no when I need to.

21.

No one can defeat me except me.

22.

I am not afraid to be different.

23.

I can achieve my every desire.

24.

I am comfortable in my skin.

25.

If I fail, I know that I will not chatter.

26.

My confidence is limitless.

27.

I am worthy of love.

28.

Other people do not define my happiness.

29.

I choose hope.

30.

I choose to be positive.

31.

I will not listen to other people's negativity.

32.

The only commitment that I need to make it to myself.

33.

I believe who I am.

34.

By acknowledging my self-worth and my confidence, I accept that I will succeed.

35.

My mistakes do not define me.

36.

I love myself unconditionally.

37.

I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished.

Conclusion I am happy you made it to the end of this book. I believe that by now, you will have plans on how to boost your self-confidence. You will agree with me that self-confidence is a friend we need in our lives, as it helps us achieve greater success, live a happier life, and look more attractive. The important thing you need to learn about confidence is that it is a habit, not a destination. It takes daily practice, not giving up when knocked down by failures, facing your fears, and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. To become confident, you have to become uncomfortable; there’s no other way around it, and the only way is through it. Treasure what is unique about you, and other people will be seeing and believing in you too. You deserve to feel good about yourself. Some people lack self-confidence and haven’t attempted to loosen the shackles because they don’t want to spotlight or take the leadership stand. The thing is, we all know the downsides associated with not having selfconfidence: broken relationships, anxiety, and loss of opportunities, sadness, and self-beating, but these are impediments that are stopping us from building confidence. There are a lot of rewards associated with having a great level of selfconfidence. Self-confidence can help you conquer the world, as it enables you to achieve more than you can think of. However, we shouldn’t confuse self-confidence with overconfidence, which is usually not advisable. Building unlimited self-confidence will help you avoid stress, worries, anxiety, and fear. Once you can establish your self-confidence, you will become happier and enjoy your life more. If you still do not have self-confidence, try, and work

on yourself. It is the beginning of your happiness and greatness in life. If you want to achieve greater success, you will ultimately need to build your self-confidence, and real confidence comes from your self-awareness. Reading this book alone won’t be enough. You need to do more than that by being practical and having a strong will that will spur you into taking action and affecting the changes in your life. Remember that just getting started won’t give you unlimited confidence but staying focused will. Start taking action today, and without a doubt, you shall become the most confident you have ever been. Furthermore, these are meant to be extensions of broadening your understanding of what self-confidence is while also taking the time to seek out which techniques to help you become more confident are the most helpful to you -- some being more basic. Others are more advanced. Self-confidence is a personal journey, and there are no right or wrong ways of doing it. There are many ways in which you can build your self-esteem and develop a positive frame of mind. In this book, you have learned about various techniques and how you can revive your confidence bit by bit. Apply these techniques in your real life, and you’ll start noticing changes. Start by telling yourself that you don’t need a reason to build your selfconfidence. You want to be a confident person, which should be reason enough to start working on your self-esteem skills. Next, make your integrity your strength. Accept who and what you are and make it your biggest strength. Decide what you want to do in life and follow your dreams. Your integrity is your biggest support system in this world. So count on it and make the decisions that have been pending for quite a while now.

You alone have the answers on the inside of you. Sometimes you only have to dig deep enough to ask yourself powerful questions to bring the answers out of you. The next level of your life is contingent upon your ability to believe in yourself and develop the self-confidence you need. If you find yourself overthinking at times, allow yourself to sink into your heart space. Now allow yourself to connect them and find the balance between what you know to be true! Time to stop limiting your life and start unlocking your next level. You now have the self-confidence to do it! If this book has helped to inspire or empower you in any way, I challenge you to pay it forward and saw it as a good seed into the life of someone else who too may be on their journey to cultivating their confidence.