Children's Friendship Training 1583913084, 9781583913086

Citation preview

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Fred Frankel, Ph.D., and Robert Myatt, Ph.D.

Brunner-Routledge New York & Hove

Publishedin 2003 by Brunner-Routledge 29 West 35th Street New York, NY 10001 www.brunner-routledge.com Publishedin Great Britain by Brunner-Routledge 27 ChurchRoad Hove, East Sussex BN32FA www.brunner-routledge.co.uk Copyright © 2003 by Taylor & FrancisBooks, Inc. Brunner-Routledgeis an imprint of the Taylor & FrancisGroup. Printed in the United Statesof America on acid-freepaper. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprintedor reproducedor utilized in any form or by any electronic,mechanical,or other means,now known or hereafterinvented, including photocopyingand recording,or in any information storageor retrieval system, without permissionin writing from the publishers. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of CongressCataloging-in-PublicationData Frankel, Fred Children'sfriendship training / Fred Frankeland Robert Myatt. p. cm. Includesbibliographicalreferencesand index. ISBN 1-58391-308-4(pbk : alk. paper) 1. Behaviortherapyfor children. 2. Social skills in children-Studyand teaching. 3. Friendshipin children. I. Myatt, Robert. II. Title. RJ505.B4 .F736 2002 618.92'89142-dc21 2002009812

Contents

vii

Foreword

ix xi

Preface Purpose and Organization of this Manual

A Self-Contained Guide for the Clinician Training Socially Valid Behaviors / XI Maintaining Treatment Integrity / xi Organization of this Manual/xii Related Resources / xii

/

xi

PART I BACKGROUND CHAPTER 1

3

Reasons to Treat Peer Relationship Problems

CHAPTER 2

4

Assessment of Outcomes

Types of Outcome Assessment

/4

CHAPTER 3

9

Types of Children's Social Skills Treatment

Individual Treatment to Enhance Friendships / 9 Peer Pairing / 10 Parent Involvement in Social Skills Acquisition /

10

CHAPTER 4

12

Common Diagnosis of Children Obtaining Training

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) / 13 Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) / 13

/

12

CHAPTER 5 Research on the UCLA Children's Friendship Program iii

15

iv

/

CONTENTS

PART II PREPARING FOR TREATMENT CHAPTER 6 Screening Treatment Rationale

21

/

21

How to Conduct Telephone Screening

CHAPTER 7 Intake Treatment Rationale / 26 How to Conduct the Intake Interviews

/

22

26 /

28

CHAPTER 8 Program Infrastructure Treatment Rationale / 33 How to Organize Sessions /

33 34

PART III SESSION CONTENT CHAPTER 9 Introductory Session/Setting the Stage Treatment Rationale / 45

45

Research on Categories of Peer Acceptance / 46 How to Conduct the Session / 49 Parent Session Plan 1 / 49 Child Session Plan 1 / 54 Session 1 Handout, Assignments and Game Rules /

57

CHAPTER 10 Conversational Skills Treatment Rationale / 60 Research on Conversational Problems / 61 How to Conduct the Session / 63 Parent Session Plan 2 / 63 Child Session Plan 2 / 68 Session 2 Handout and Game Rules / 72

CHAPTER 11 "Slipping In" /Reputation/Using Community Resources Treatment Rationale / 74 Research on Social Networks of Rejected Children How to Conduct the Session / 76 Parent Session Plan 3 / 77 Child Session Plan 3 / 80 Session 3 Handout and Game Rules / 85

60

74 /

75

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 12 Taking "No" for an Answer/Genderand Age Issues

/v

87

Treatment Rationale / 87 Research on Joining Other Children at Play / How to Conduct the Session / 91 Parent Session Plan 4 / 91 Child Session Plan 4 / 95 Session 4 Handout and Game Rules / 98

88

CHAPTER 13 Rulesof a Good Sport/SocialGoals

100

Treatment Rationale / 100 Research on the Influence of Social Goals How to Conduct the Session / 102 Parent Session Plan 5 / 102 Child Session Plan 5 / 104 Session 5 Assignment and Game Rules /

/

100

108

CHAPTER 14 Rules of a Good Sport/PositiveStatements Treatment Rationale / 110 Research on Positive Statements and Peer Status How to Conduct the Session / 111 Parent Session Plan 6 / 111 Child Session Plan 6 / 114 Session 6 Assignment and Game Rules / 117

CHAPTER 15 Making a Best Friend/PlayDates

110 /

110

119

Treatment Rationale / 119 Research on Play Date Processes / 121 How to Conduct the Session / 122 Parent Session Plan 7 / 123 Child Session Plan 7 / 127 Session 7 Assignment / 132

CHAPTER 16 ResistingTeasing Treatment Rationale / 133 Research on Teasing / 135 How to Conduct the Session / Parent Session Plan 8 / 136 Child Session Plan 8 / 142 Session 8 Handout / 146

133

136

vi

/

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 17

147

Respect Toward Adults

Treatment Rationale / 147 Research on Components of Disruption How to Conduct the Session / 148 Parent Session Plan 9 / 148 151 Child Session Plan 9 / Session 9 Handout / 154

/

147

CHAPTER 18

155

Managing Competition/Gender

Differences Treatment Rationale / 155 Research on Gender Differences / 155 How to Conduct the Session / 156 Parent Session Plan 10 / 157 158 Child Session Plan 10 / Session 10 Handout and Game Rules / 161

CHAPTER 19

164

Avoiding Physical Fights

Treatment Rationale / 164 How to Conduct the Session / 166 Parent Session Plan 11 / 166 Child Session Plan 11 / 168 Session 11 Handout, Assignment and Game Rules

/

171

CHAPTER 20

175

Graduation

Treatment Rationale / 175 How to Conduct the Session / Parent Session Plan 12 / 177 Child Session Plan 12 / 179 Session 12 Handout / 180

177

References Index

181 193

list ofTables

Table Table Table Table Table Table Table Table Table Table

6.1 Telephone Screening Form / 24 7.1 Biographical Form / 27 7.2 Child Mental Examination Template / 29 8.1 Summary Guidelines for Working with Parents / 34 8.2 Summary Guidelines for Working with Children / 36 Part 111.1 Overview of Parent and Child Sessions / 42 Part 111.2 Materials List for All Sessions / 43 10.1 Children Telling Stories and How Group Leaders Should Handle Them 10.2 Using a Socratic Method in the Child Sessions / 69 13.1 Delivering Tokens-Child Sessions 5, 6, 10, 11 / 106

/

68

Foreword

1. Abating the effects of the child's reputation within his current peer group (cf. Bierman, 1989) by reducingintrusive and inappropriate behaviors. 2. Diminishing the importanceof the rejecting peergroup for the child by giving him or her skills to expandhis or her peernetwork. 3. Instructingparentsand children as to how to work togetherto promotemore successfulplay dates. (We define play dateas an appointment madebetweentwo childrento playin thehome of oneof them).It was hypothesizedthat this would allow the developmentof best friendships despitea nonfunctionalpeer network. Bestfriendshipsmight promotecontinuedacquisition of social skills (cf. Hartup, 1983). 4. Supportingthe child's efforts to "lay low" in a rejecting peer group where he or she has a badreputation.The resultsof Nangle,Erdley, and Gold (1996) suggestsit is relatively easy to decreasea bad reputationbut harder to increaseliking by peers.Avoiding continuing provocationfrom peerswas the goal in improving the child's competenceat nonaggressiveresponsesto teasingandto conflicts with children and adults.

The intervention describedin this volume was developedin a clinical settingwith patientswho were payingfor treatmentandhopingthat their childrenwould benefit.Our previouslypublished studiesreportedthe resultsof diagnosticallyhomogeneousgroupsof children having attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (AOHO) with or without comorbidoppositionaldefiant disorder (ODD) or subjectswho qualified for no research diagnosis.In actuality, we have presentedthis treatmentto over 800 children since1991. Only a small proportion of thesechildren fell neatly into researchcategoriesand could be reported in researchjournals. We haveadopteda process-oriented perspective of social competence(Taylor & Asher, 1984) in which we select important social interaction processesand addressthe specific components that contributeto successfulsocial transactions. Our goal is to give children the skills to have mutually satisfyingsocialinteractionswith peers, which leadto higherregardwithin the peergroup and the developmentof satisfying best friendships. The program describedin this book addressesthe friendlesschild's relationshipswith peersin four crucial areas:

vii

Preface

ableto seethe manypracticalbenefitsthat a comprehensivesocial skills training program provided to a very challengingclinical population-chronicschizophrenicveterans.However, the experiencealso underscoredthe shortcomings of this type of program and the need for constantrevision, development,and enhancement of the intervention. Through the years, I havehad the opportunityto provide social skills training to teenagerswho havebecomeinvolved in the criminal justicesystem,depressed/suicidal adolescentswho have beenpsychiatricallyhospitalized, children on an inpatient psychiatric ward, andshy/withdrawnchildrenin an elementary schoolsetting. While completing my dissertation,I saw fourth- and fifth-grade childrenwho were experiencing high levels of clinical depressionand beginningto developsuicidalideationrelatedto their social deficits and social isolation. During my psychologytraining at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute, I hadthe opportunityto begin what hasturnedout to be a 14-yearpartnership andjourneywith FredFrankel,Ph.D.,to develop a comprehensivesocial skills training program for children. Throughout the years, we have soughtfeedbackfrom the children,their parents andteachers,the psychologyinterns,socialwork trainees,and child psychiatry fellows we have trained, and professionalcolleagueswho have referredtheir youngclients to us. This book representsa compilation and distillation of all that we havelearned.We hopethat it will be helpful to otherclinicianswho recognizethe importance of providing friendship training to their clients. -R.M.

This book is aboutbuilding bridges:bridgesbetween what clinical professionalsknow about interventionsfor social skillsandwhat developmental psychologistsknow about children's friendships; bridgesbetweenresearchon effective treatmentfor the child without friends and professionalsinterestedin effectively helping thesechildren;bridgesbetweenparentswho are worried about their children's friendships and don't know what to do and professionalswho want to useparentsmore effectivelyin the treatment;bridgesbetweenwhat childrenlearnabout making and keeping friends in treatmentand what they seesocially competentchildren doing at school; bridges betweenwhat parentslearn through social skills training and how they can apply it to help their child make sustainable friendshipsin their neighborhoods. I first realizedsomethingwasmissingin the socialskills groupsI offered,whenI sawmy wife networkingwith otherparentsto makeplay dates for my then 6-year-oldchild. I had readnothing about this in the social skills training literature. Together,Bob Myatt and I worked out a way for us to teachparentsto do this while teachingtheir children to effectively use this. Although adults operateprimarily by the golden rule, children also operateby what I call the prime directive of childhood: Play with otherswho are fun to play with. Our job was to make children more fun to play with. -F. F. *** My first exposureto the power and limitations of social skills training took placein my role as a researchassistantat a VA hospitalin 1981. I was ix

Purpose and Organization of This Manual

plete discussionof categoriesof peeracceptance andpeersociometrics).Studiesthat trainedthese skills demonstratedimproved peer sociometric ratings (Bierman & Furman, 1984; Gresham& Nagle,1980;Hepler& Rose,1988;Oden& Asher, 1977; Tiffen & Spence,1986). Another example is OdenandAsher (1977),who focusedon coaching childrento havefun andmakesurethe game partnerhadfun aswell. The childrenchosenwere initially the least popular within their class, as derivedfrom peersociometricratings.At followup, researchersfound lasting improvementin peeracceptance. Training socially valid behaviorsmay help in threeways. First, children may be betterable to focus on key behaviorsto observein their social milieu. Second,they are more likely to observe better acceptedchildren perform these behaviorswith desirablesocialoutcomes.Third, they are more likely to havesuccessfuloutcomes whenthey performthesebehaviors(if performed in situationsin which they have no prior negative reputationto interfere with the outcome). The approachtakenin this volume is to present the evidenceestablishingthe social validity of behaviorstargetedfor eachinterventionsession and then to describeways we have found successfulin getting childrento employ them outside of the treatmentsituation.

A Self-Contained Guide for the Clinician The purposeof this book is to provide a complete, self-containedguide for the clinician who wants to model a social skills programafter our approach.It is hardfor manycliniciansto change gears and learn new techniques.Although we have designedthe programas an integratedentity, cliniciansmay prefer to try it piecemeal.We don't feel this will ruin the interventionbut will ratheraddspiceto what a clinician is more comfortable doing. We haveenjoyedleadingthe parent andthe child sessionsandare confidentthat other clinicians will find this rewarding.

Training Socially Valid Behaviors An intervention has social validity when it targetsbehaviorsthat discriminatechildrenhaving peer difficulties from children who do not. Social validity has beenan important influence in the developmentof our training modules.Few componentsusedin social skills training studies have been assessedfor social validity (Budd, 1985). Evidencesuggeststhat focus on socially valid behaviorsenhancesthe likelihood that children will be betteracceptedby peersafter training. For instance,cooperationwith peers and peer support skills (e.g., active listening skills) have beenshownto differentiateacceptedfrom rejectedchildren (seeChap.9.2, for a more com-

Maintaining Treatment Integrity Treatmentintegrity is defined as the correspondencebetweensessionplans and the way treatxi

xii

/

PURPOSE AND ORGANIZATION OF THIS MANUAL

mentis actuallydelivered.Clinician drift is a phenomenonthat decreases treatmentintegrity. Clinician drift is defined as the tendencyof a clinician to changefeatures of an intervention eachtime it is presented.We have beenable to maintaintreatmentintegrity and avoid clinician drift by maintainingan outline of eachtreatment moduleandcollectingpre andpostdataon each patient(whenparentshaveconsented).The percentageof patientsshowingimprovementis provided to our cliniciansafter eachtreatmentgroup is completed.Cliniciansknow that if this percentage falls below 90% of parent report or 70% of teacherreport, they are askedto examineany featuresthey may have changed.In this way, we haveheld ourselvesaccountableto maintainadequatelevels of positive treatmentresponse. We believe that a treatmentmanual, such as the presentvolume, is the bestway to ensure faithful delivery of empirically validated treatments(Wilson, 1996).Manualsmaybenefitboth novice and experiencedclinicians (Chambless, 1996; Eifert, Schulte,Zvolensky, Lejuez, & Lau, 1997).Detailedmanualshavebeenfound to producegreaterpositive interventioneffects(Weisz & Weisz, 1990).

Organization of This Manual This book is divided into three major sections. PartI presentsthe rationalefor the presenttreatment. Part II presentsmethodsto help the clinician composegroups. Section III devotes a chapterto each treatmentsessionin the order the sessionsare given. The empiricalfoundation of eachmoduleis briefly summarized.This is to allow parent sessionleadersto be sufficiently

versedin the theory to provide guidanceto parents and to speakextemporaneously to the parent groups on the rare occasionin which the material does not fill the entire parent session. The descriptionof methodsalso includes clinical examplesof the"averagecases"aswell as the instructiveexceptions(Hibbs, Clarke, Hectman, et al., 1997). The important points are outlined in the parentandchild sessionoutlinesfor quick referenceby group leadersduring eachsession. Our field-tested parent handoutsare also included.Thesearemeantto be self-contained,abbreviateddescriptionsto which parentscanrefer quickly betweensessions.The clinician should thoroughlyreview the contentsof SectionsII and III before beginningthe first treatmentgroups andusethe ParentandChild SessionPlanswhile delivering treatment. We havetrainedsix other child group leaders andsevendifferent parentgroupleadersand havereplicatedimprovementlevels.This suggests that the effects extendbeyondafounder'seffect, in which only the original developersseea high level of improvement.Your experienceswill hopefully continueto confirm this.

Related Resources A parentself-helpbook basedon thesemodules (Frankel,1996) is also availableas a supplement, not a replacement,for parentparticipation.It can also be usedas an extendedprogrambrochure, a meansto give parentssome immediate help while they are waiting for the start of the next treatmentgroup, or a referralfor parentshaving children too youngto benefit from the intervention.

BACKGROUND

Reasons to Treat Peer Relationship Problems

relationshipformed with affection and commitment betweentwo individuals who consider themselvesas equals."l Maintaining quality friendships is perhapsthe single most salient measureof a child's successfuladjustment.In order to have quality friendships,children must suspendegoism,treatthe friend asan equal,and deal effectively with conflict (Hartup, 1996). Friends share a "climate of agreement"much greaterthan that amongnonfriends(Gottman, 1983;Hartup& Laursen,1993).Children'sproblem solving is generallybetterwhen done with friends ascomparedwith nonfriends(Azmitia & Montgomery,1993). Friendshipsmay moderate the negativeimpactof divorce (Wasserstein& La Greca, 1996). Friendshipsare the context for learningsocialskills, learningaboutand feeling good aboutoneself,and providing resourcesfor support(Hartup,1993). Accordingto Malik and Furman(1993),"peersarenot only playmatesbut alsoconfidantes,allies andsourcesof supportin times of stress"(p. 1303).

Operatingwithin an outpatientchild psychiatry clinical training program, we are constantly struck by the relatively little attention paid by manycliniciansto the peerrelationshipsof their patients.Children in therapyare twice as likely to have peer problems than children not in therapy (Malik & Furman, 1993; Rutter & Garmezy,1983). Peerproblemshave beenonly peripherallyincludedin diagnosticschema.Often, when the presentingpsychopathologyhas beentreated,the peerproblemdoesn'tgo away andyet is usuallynot addressedby further treatment.It is estimatedthat as manyas 10% of children without any known risk factors have problems making and keeping friendships (Asher, 1990). In a I-year follow-up study of 10year-olds,Bukowski, Hoza,andNewcomb(1991, cited in Hartup,1996) found that havingfriends had subsequentpositive effects on self-esteem. Peerproblemsin childhoodhaveeffectson functioning in later life. In their 12-year follow-up study, Bagwell, Newcomb,and Bukowski (1998) found that peerrejectionandlack of at leastone best friend in childhood contributedequally to psychopathologyof youngadults. We define a quality friendship as "a mutual

IThe best definition of friendship we have encountered. Unfortunately,the original authorfor this has beenlost to us.

3

Assessmentof Outcomes

It is difficult to evaluatethe researchliterature

when comparedto the previousgroups.We revertedback to our original approachand recapturedpreviouslevelsof positive teacher outcome. 3. Posttreatment teachercalls arecompletedusually within 3 weeks after the last treatment session.We have found that about 30% of parentswill call for this feedback.When parents call for this posttreatmentfeedback,we use the occasionto encourageparentsto maintaintreatmentgains.

on social skills training without first examining the measuresused to demonstrateoutcome.A frequent misconceptionamong parentsand therapistsabout formal outcome assessment within a clinical contextis that assessment is always associatedwith somekind of research.Althoughrarely done,formal outcomeassessment should play an integral part in clinical practice for the following reasons: 1. We and othershave notedthat eventhe best clinicians are subject to clinician drift over time. Perhapsbecausecreativeclinicians get tired of delivering the sameinterventionrepeatedly,they are constantlyinjecting new features.They may considerthesenew features acceptablevariations on a standard treatment.We have also noticedthat our clinicianscan successfullypresentan approach 40 or 50 timesbut arethrownwhenit doesn't work quite as well just once. They may then modify their time-worn procedurewithout considerationof how successfullyit usually hasworked.We havedetectedthesevariations whenoutcomeon teachermeasuresfor a particular groupdrops(parentmeasuresseemto be lesssensitiveto proceduralvariations). 2. We have attemptedtreatmentupgradeson threeoccasions.On one attempt,we noticed that teacheroutcomesubstantiallyworsened

Types of Outcome Assessment There are six types of outcomeassessment proceduresusedby researchersandclinicians: peer assessment, informal "clinical" indexes,ratings from the child patients, behavioral ratings, teacherreports,and parentratings. Informal clinical indexesof improvement, suchas unstructuredparentfeedback,clinician ratingsof child behaviorchangesin session,and the clinician's impressionsglobal impressionof change,have very little validity for the assessment of changesin peer acceptanceof the rejectedchild: Parentsareusuallygladtheybrought their child to the groupsand children almostalways have a good time (or they leaveand aren't aroundfor the posttest).When effective behavioral control techniquesare used within the

4

ASSESSMENTOF OUTCOME /

group, the children are betterbehaved.It is the generalizationof thesechangesto the child's social environmentthat is of paramountimportance. As a training and clinical tool, we ask the child groupleadersto rateimprovementandthen comparethese ratings with formal parent and teachermeasures.The correlationis close to O. For instance,our clinicians will typically rate a child who disrupts the group or challengesthe leader as unimproved. Yet parent and teacher ratingsoftenshowsomebenefitof treatment(this finding has servedas impetusfor our clinicians to persistwith thesechildren).The following subsectionsbriefly review the types of formalized that havebeenusedto measureimassessments provementin social skills training programs.

AssessmentUsing Peers Without Social Problems Peerassessment entailshavingmembersof a peer groupevaluateeachother.Accordingto Gresham and Stuart (1992), peerratingsare the most frequently employedtypes of peer-referencedassessmentin researchstudies.Many researchers considerthis form of assessment asthe mostvalid becausepeersfrequentlyobserveeachotherand operatefrom a child'sframeof reference(DanielsBeirness,1989). As Landau and Moore (1991) pointed out, children are more aware of interpersonalinteractions of their peers than are teachersand parents. Peerassessments aretoo cumbersometo use in typical clinical outpatient settings. For example,our outpatientprogramdrawsfrom more than 200 different schools.Visiting eachschool andsettingup peerratingsfor eachpatientwould be a logistic nightmare. Peer assessments are presentedherein orderto help the readerto better understandandevaluateresearchstudiesand categoriesof peeracceptance(seeChap. 9) that are derivedfrom them.Two typesof peerassessment are ratings and nominations. In a peernominationprocedure,a classroom of elementaryschool children are asked to list the other children in their classthey would like to play with the mostandthe least(Dodge,Coie, Pettit, & Price, 1990). Peerstatusis tabulatedfor each child using social preference(numberliked

5

nominations- number disliked nominations) and social impact scores(total numberof nominations; Asher & Hymel, 1981; Coie & Dodge, 1983). Greshamand Stuart (1992) found that liked least nominationsshowedthe most stability with test-retestcorrelationsof .60. Extensive research(e.g., Coie & Dodge, 1983; Coie & Kupersmidt, 1983; Dodge, 1983) has indicated the stability of statusand predictability of negative outcomes.Therehasbeensomeconcernthat the negativenomination proceduremight subsequentlyleadto morenegativebehaviortoward low-statuschildren (Asher & Hymel, 1981), althoughtwo studieshavefailed to show negative effects (Bell-Dolan, Foster, & Sikora, 1989; BellDolan, Foster,& Christopher,1992). A peer rating procedurerequireseachchild to rate eachotherchild in his or her group using predefinedcriteria. A simpleexampleis the "roster andrating" sociometricprocedure(Singleton & Asher, 1977). Children are given rostersof all same-sexclassmatesand are askedto rate how muchtheylike eachoneon a 5-point Likert scale with endpointanchorsof like a lot and dislike a lot. Otherexamplesare, "How much does_ _ get picked on?" and "How much does_ _cooperate?"(endpointanchorswould be not at all and very much). Average rating is tabulatedfor eachchild. Ratingproceduresare more apt than nomination proceduresto pick up childrenwho have low visibility but areenjoyedasplaymates(Asher & Hymel, 1981).The averageratingreceivedfrom classmates(or from same-sexclassmates)is highly stableover time evenwith youngchildren(Asher, Singleton,Tinsley, & Hymel, 1979), is sensitive to the effectsof intervention(Ladd, 1981; Oden & Asher,1977),but is also sensitiveto variations in the wording of the criterion (Oden & Asher, 1977; Singleton& Asher, 1977). Another important advantageof the rating-scalemethodis that children are not required to list anyoneas disliked. Due to the advantagesand disadvantages of eachtype of peer assessment, we have used both in our 5-yearNational Institute for Mental Health(NIMH}-funded study(Frankel& Erhardt, 2001). Individual interviews take about 8 minutes per studentand most children seemto enjoy doing them.

6/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Ratings from Child Patients Ratingsfrom child patientsare easily obtained, but showthe leastcorrelationswith otherassessmentsandmay be susceptibleto socialdesirability response set (Ledingham, Younger, Schwartzman,& Bergeron,1982). Children'sactual behavior may not correspondto their responsesto queriesaboutwhat they would do in hypotheticalsituations(Bearison& Gass,1979; Damon, 1977). An exampleof this was a study by Grenell, Glass, and Katz (1987). They asked 15 boys diagnosedwith attentiondeficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and 15 comparison boys what they thought they should do in 16 hypotheticalsituations.Adult judgesratedtheir responseson friendliness, impulse control, assertiveness,andeffectivenessin relationshipenhancement.Ratersalsoobservedandratedthem in free play, a cooperativepuzzletask(whereone boy wasthe worker andanotherwasthe helper), and a persuasiontask (where they tried to persuadetheir partnerto play their choiceof game). Correlationsof ratingsof the responsesto hypotheticalsituationswith observedprosocialbehavior werelow (absolutevalueof correlationsranged from .37 to .43) althoughstatisticallysignificant. Another exampleis the PreschoolInterpersonal Problem Solving measure(PIPS; Spivack & Shure,1974).The psychometricpropertiesare adequate,althoughthereare no normativedata. Similar to the ratingsof Grenell et al. (1987), the number and quality of solutions generatedto various hypotheticalsituationsare scored.However the contentareasof the PIPS has beencriticized as not representativeof social problems encounteredby preschoolers(Brochin & Wasik, 1992) and not adequatelycovering the domain of peerissues(Getz, Goldman,& Corsini, 1984). Others have suggestedenhancementsin responsesto teasing(Feldman& Dodge,1987) and managementof conflict with other children (Brochin & Wasik, 1992). Asking child patientsto list who likes them seemsalso to be of limited value. Childrenwithout friends canusuallylist "friends" whenasked (Hartup,1996).SOciometricallyrejectedchildren werethe leastaccuratein their judgmentsof who liked them, when comparedto averageand neglectedstatuschildren (seeChap.9, for more on these sociometric categories;MacDonald &

Cohen,1995). On the other hand, asking child patientsto rate peerbehaviorsyields more valid results.WhalenandHenker(1985) reportedsimilarities betweentheir summercamp cohorts of 24 children diagnosedwith ADHD and 24 nonADHD peers: Both cohorts rated their peers' negative behaviorssimilarly. Correlationsbetween the cohorts rangedfrom .80 for "causes trouble" to .85 for "noisy." Correlationswith teacherratings were comparablefor the cohort diagnosedwith ADHD (.69) andthosethat were not (.65). HinshawandMelnick (1995) reported systematicdistortions: Boys diagnosedwith ADHD were less likely to give positive nominations to non-ADHD peersthan the non-ADHD peerswere. Behavioralratingsmay thereforebe usefuloutcomemeasuresin contextswherechildrenwith peerproblemsaremixed togetherwith peerswithout social problems. Althoughwe haveavoidedthe useof ratings from child patients,assessment of self-esteemhas beenan exception,becausethe child is uniquely qualified to be askedabout perceptionsof selfcompetence.We haveusedthe Piers-HarrisSelf ConceptScale(PHS).2 The PHSis an80-itemyesno self-reportmeasurethat takesabout 20 minutesfor a child to complete.Among instruments commonlyusedto measureself-esteem,the PHS hasbeenregardedas the most psychometrically sound. The coverageof the relevant domain is adequate(Ross, 1992), and the factor structure of specific self-esteemscales is well-known (Hughes,1984;Jeske,1985).The PHSmanualprovides factor scoreson six scalesmeasuringspecific self-esteem(Piers,1984) and a Global score that is a weightedcompositeof items from the specificself-esteemfactors.Amongchildrenscoring in the low rangeof PHS self-esteemat baseline (only about 20% of children enrolledin our groups),we have noticed that about 80% show someimprovementon posttreatmentassessment.

Behavioral Ratings Behavioralratingsof negativepeerbehaviorsby adult observersmay providea objectivemeasure of an importantaspectof peerrelations.An example is a study by Pelhamand Bender(1982). 2The domainof this assessment is very similar to the Harter scales(Harter, 1982), which may yield similar results.

ASSESSMENTOF OUTCOME / 7

They formed play groupsof one child diagnosed with ADHD andfour non-ADHD peers.The children played togetherfor 36 minutesof arts and crafts (which involved sharingthe samematerials) and free play. Resultsshowedthat children diagnosedwith ADHD were rated by observers as spendingsignificantly more time in conversation and askingquestions,and engagingin 2 to 10 times more negativebehavior (e.g., loud repeatedyelling, hitting, noncompliance,interrupting another's activity) thancomparisonchildren. HinshawandMelnick (1995) compared101 boys diagnosedwith ADHD with 80 non-ADHD peers during their participation in a summer camp. Observersratedseveralcategoriesof behaviorin free-play situations. Results showed that boys diagnosedwith ADHD had significantly more rule violations, defiance,and disruptive behaviors than the non-ADHD cohort, regardlessof the levels of aggressionratedby teachers. In contrast,behavioralratings of prosocial events,such as, frequencyof peer contact and percentageof time interactingwith peers,have long beendiscreditedas valid measuresof peer adjustment(d. Gottman, 1977). Correlations betweenthesebehavioralratings and peer ratings havebeenlow. Rateof peerinteractionwithout considerationof quality of interactionis not related to measuresof peer acceptance(Asher, Markell, & Hymel, 1981). For example,rejected children may "bug" othersmore in unsuccessful attemptsat entry, whereasliked childrenmaybe successfulon the first or secondattempt(or take no for an answer,cf. Chap.12). Behavioralmeasuresof attemptsat peer entry might therefore favor the rejectedchild. Valid behavioralmeasurement of treatmentsuccessmay entail focus on "critical events" that occur too rarely to be observedunderusualprocedures(Bierman,Smoot, & Aumiller, 1993). We have not employedbehavioralobservations in judging outcome to our interventions, due to severelimitations on their usefulness. Training observersanddatareductioninvolve an extensivetime commitment,with only limited rewardwithin an outpatientclinical setting.

Teacher Reports Teacherreportsof peerrelationshipscorrespond more closely than any other informant to peer

ratings (Glow & Glow, 1980). Hinshaw and Melnick (1995) found that asking teachersand parentsto ratetheir child's popularityon a Likert scale from 1 (extremelypopular) to 5 (not at all) correlatedat .62 with each other and .43 with peerpreferenceratings.Teachersmay be able to make finer differentiation than peers,but may not be able to observeimportantsocial contexts (i.e., how childrenbehavewithout adultspresent) and may be biasedby what they seein the classroom (Biermanet al., 1993).Teacherreportsmust be supplemented with standardizedassessments usingparentsin orderto tap into bestfriendships. One of the most commonly used teacher report scalesis the Pupil Evaluation Inventory (PEl; Pekarik,Prinz, Liebert, Weintraub,& Neil, 1976). It consistsof 35 items, eachrated as "describeschild" or "doesnot describechild" by the child's teacher.The scalestake about 5 minutes to complete.Withdrawal,Likability, andAggression subscaleswerederivedthroughfactor analysis of peer ratings (Pekarik et al., 1976). Correlationsbetweenpeer and teacherratings exceeded.54 on all scalesGohnston,Pelham,& Murphy, 1985; Ledinghamet al., 1982). Teacher and peer assessments in first grade have been shownto be equallygoodpredictorsof antisocial behavior 7 years later (Tremblay, LeBlanc, & Schwartzman,1988). La Greca (1981) and Ledingham and Younger (1985) reportedthat AggressionandWithdrawalscalescoresprovided an accuratebasisfor classifyingpeeracceptance in childrenwhen comparedwith peerratings of preferredplaymates. We haveusedthe PEI for the past14 years. The assessment takesabout5 minutes(oncethe teacherand investigator are through playing "telephonetag"). Most teachersarehappyto comply, althoughsomewould rather have an openendedformat rather than the yes-noformat of responses.The instrumentis treatmentsensitive, with about50% to 70% of teachersreportingimprovement(outcomeinteractswith diagnosisand medicationstatusof the children; d. Frankel,in press;Frankel& Myatt, 2002).

Parent Ratings By its nature, the best friendship network cannot be observedby the teacheror most peers,

8/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

but parentsmustbe relied on for this assessment (Frankel,Myatt, Cantwell & Feinberg,1997b).A widely used parent questionnaireis the Social Skills Rating System(SSRS;Gresham& Elliott, 1990). It consistsof 48 items rated as either "never," "sometimes,"or "very often." The parent form shouldbe administeredto the mother. The instrumenthasbeendivided into two major scales.The Social Skillsscale(38 items) inquires about social situationswith peersand parents. The ProblemBehavior scale (18 items) concentrateson behavioralproblems.Correlationswith teacher(r = .36) andpeerversions(r = .12) of the instrumentare low but statisticallysignificant. Due to the lack of measuresavailableto assessplay interactionsin the home,we developed the Quality of Play Questionnaire(QPQ;Frankel, 2002b).It is a measurecompletedby the parent in which the quality of the last play dateand the frequencyof play datesare assessed.The Conflict factor-basedscalewas refined through factor analysis of data collected for 112 nonclinic and 48 clinic-referredchildren (75 boys and 85

girls). A cut point of 3.5 on the Conflict scaleresulted in correct classificationof 66.7% of the clinic groupand 72.3%of the nonclinic group.A cut point of 2.5 for numberof play datesat other children's housesresultedin correct classification of 66.7% of the clinic group and 60.7% of the nonclinic group. A cut point of 2.5 for number of play datesat the index child's houseresulted in correct classificationof 66.7% of the clinic group and 59.8% of the nonclinic group. We have beenusing the SSRSSocial Skills scaleto measureoutcomefor the past 14 years. We havefound that about90% of parentsreport some improvementon this scale as a result of our intervention (Frankel, Cantwell, & Myatt, 1996). Comparisonswith wait-list control subjects havebeenhighly significant (Frankelet al., 1997b).We haverecentlybegunto use the QPQ to assessoutcome.Pre and post datawere available for nine childrenwho were in the problematic range of functioning at baseline.Sevenof the nine childrenfell within the nonclinic range at posttest.

Types of Children's Social Skills Treatment

Most children'ssocial skills treatmenttakesthe form of small groupsof childrenmeetingwithin a schoolsetting,without the involvementof their parents{Beelman, Pfingsten, & Losel, 1994; Erwin, 1994}. Unimodal programswere more effective for 3- to 8-year-olds,while multimodal programsmore effective for 9- to 15-year-olds. Beelmanet al. {1994} reportedthat parent and teacherreports showedthe least improvement of all types of outcomemeasures.The typical degreeof generalizationof treatmentgains to children'sactualenvironmentfrom thesegroups has beensmall {Kavale, Mathur, Forness,Rutherford, & Quinn, 1996}. Perhapsdueto theselimited gainsor the difficulty in implementingthis type of treatment,cliniciansandresearchers have sought alternative treatments.This chapter briefly reviews thesealternatives.

practical for individual practitioners,we have found little evidencethat training sessionswith adultswill generalizeto interactionswith peers." In a testof this contention,BiermanandFurman {1984} found that small-grouptraining of conversationalskills was more effective in changing peer ratings than individual coaching. Many friendlesschildrenpreferthe companyof adults rather than other children. It is difficult to see how individual treatmentwith an adult therapist would makea friendlesschild morecomfortable with other children. One interestingvariant of individual treatment for social skill problemswas a small study done by Kehle, Clark, Jenson,and Wampold (1986). They videotapedfour behavior-disordered, hyperactivemales, aged 10 to 23 years. The subjectswereshownan II-minute videotape with their disruptivebehaviorseditedout. Three subjectsdecreaseddisruption through 6 weeks of follow-up, whereasone subject who viewed the uneditedtape of his behaviorincreaseddisruption. While appearingto be promising, this techniquehas only obtainedlimited replication in one other small sampleof subjects(possell, Kehle, Mcloughlin, & Bray, 1999). No evidence was presentedthat theseindividualswerebetter acceptedby their peers.

Individual Treatment to Enhance Friendships Malik and Furman{1993, p. 1316}, in commenting on group versus individual approachesto socialskills enhancement, concluded,"Although inclusionof peersmakesthis approachmuchless

9

10

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Peer Pairing Peerpairingis anothertechniqueusedto improve the social statusof rejectedchildren. Pairingunpopularchildrenwith more popularpeersalone wasnot aseffectiveaspeerpairingwith concomitant social skills training (Bierman, 1986a).For example,developmentallydisabledchildrenwere pairedwith morepopularnonretardedchildren. Once the pairing stopped,social relationships were not maintained(Chennault,1967; Lilly, 1971; Rucker& Vincenzo,1970). Two studiesusedcompetentpeersboth as instructorsin sessionsand as prompterswithin the classroomsituation.Middleton andCartledge (1995) usedtwo or threesociallycompetentpeers as models during instruction with each of five highly aggressivefirst- andsecond-grade African Americanmales.The peersalso gavepromptsto eachtargetchild in the classroom.Although hitting and arguing were reduced to 16.8% of baseline,therewere no effectson acceptanceby otherpeers.Prinz, Blechman,andDumas(1994) paired groups of four aggressivechildren with four socially competentchildren (total n was 48 aggressiveand 52 competentchildren) during a medianof 22 sessionsof 50 minuteseach.Each session employed role playing, in which the socially competentchild first demonstrated the correct example. Although aggressivebehavior decreasedin comparisonwith an attentioncontrol group, changesin peer rankings failed to materialize. Peerpairing hasbeenproposedas an effective alternativeon severalgrounds.First, it may makea friendlesschild morecomfortablearound peers. Second,socially competentpeers can modelappropriatebehaviorin a way that is more salientto the friendlesschild. Thesesuppositions seemreasonablein the light of the results obtained. In contrast,other suppositionshave not beensupported.Thereis little evidencethat the friendless childwill becomefriends or that the peertutor might facilitate friendshipswithin his or her friendshipcircle. Anecdotalaccountssuggest that the tutor rarely wants to mix socially with his or her pupil outsideof the tutoring situation.

Parent Involvement in Social Skills Acquisition Accordingto Ladd, LeSieur,and Profilet (1993), parentsmay directly influenceyoung children's peerrelationsin four ways: First, they integrate their child into social environmentsoutsidethe home. Second,they help their child selectplaymatesandarrangeplay dates.Third, they supervise interactionswith peers; fourth, they help their child solveinterpersonalproblems.Despite the major role of parentsin their child's friendships, parentshave been notably absentfrom contributing to social skills training programs (Budd, 1985;Ladd & Asher,1985;La Greca,1993; Sheridan,Dee, Morgan, McCormick, & Walker, 1996).It is reasonableto expectthat parentalinvolvementwould enhancetreatmentgeneralization (Frankel,1996; Ladd, Profilet & Hart, 1992; Lollis & Ross,1987, cited in Ladd, 1992).

Collateral Parent Management Training One way of integrating parents into their children'ssocial skills training hasbeento train parentsto bettermanagethe conductproblems of their children in the home (collateral parent managementtraining). This approachcomes from a researchtradition that focusesprimarily on the reduction of aggressivebehavior as opposedto the enhancementof friendships. The rationale for application of this approachto friendshipproblemsis that rejectedchildrenare usually aggressive(Dishion, 1990) and their aggressionis a key causeof peerrejection.Bierman and Smoot (1991), using a standardmethodof classifying rejected children, found that only aboutone-thirdof boys with poor peerrelations fit this model. Other authors (Bierman, 1986b; French,1988) find that abouthalf of all rejected children exhibit conduct problems at school. They note that conductproblemsat school (but not at home) correlatesignificantly with peer acceptancein the classroom. Thus, collateral parent managementtraining may be successfulin addressingsocial problems in a segmentof children who are rejected by peers. Home-basedreward programshave

TYPES OF CHILDREN'S SOCIAL SKILLS TREATMENT

beensuccessfulin eliminatingaggressivebehaviors in school (d. Barth, 1979, for a review; Kazdin, Esveldt-Dawson,French,& Unis, 1987). However, for many rejectedchildren, collateral parentmanagement trainingmaynot addresskey issuesin establishingfriendships, for instance, the ability of children to play togetherharmoniously (Powell, Salzberg,Rukle, Levy, & Itzkowitz, 1983).

Parents as Promoters of Negative Peer Interactions Not only have parentsbeen missing from the correctiveexperiencesof socialskill training,but thereis evidencethat someparentsmay directly or indirectly promotebehaviorsthatresultin peer rejection.Putallaz(1987)found thatmotherswho were highly aversiveto their children tendedto be more highly aversivewith other mothersin a laboratorysetting.Thesemotherswere not only training their childrento be aggressive,but were less likely to be helpful in securingplay dates becauseof their own demeanor.Mothers of rejectedchildren were less likely to appropriately monitor play experiences(Ladd et a1., 1992; Pettit, Bates,Dodge,& Meece,1999) thanmothers of popularchildren and had lesssocial competencethemselves(Prinstein& LaGreca,1999). Mothers of rejectedchildren may fail to teach their child conflict managementskills andrules of behavior (Kennedy, 1992) and also may unwittingly allow their child to maintain coercive control of play (Ladd, 1992). in Severalresearchers havefound processes mothersof rejectedchildrenthat parallelthe social errors of their children. Dodge, Schlundt, Schocken,andDelugach(1983) found that mothersof rejectedchildrenwere morelikely to dominate a group of children at play and ignore ongoing activity than mothers of popular children.RussellandFinnie (1990) found that mothers of rejectedpreschoolchildren would coerce an ongoingplay group to integratetheir children rather than help their children observeways to fit in. Perhapsthe view that parentsmay lack

/

11

social skills themselvesand are thus less able to teachthemto their childrenhasinhibited developmentof social skills programsinvolving parents (Budd, 1985; Cousins& Weiss,1993).

Teaching Parents to Better Manage Children's Friendships Severallandmarkstudiesrefute the contention that parentsof friendlesschildren are unableto help in delivery of treatmentcomponentsto their children. Shure and Spivak (1978) trained parents to be surrogateteachersof a prepackaged socialproblem-solvingprogram.The focus of the programwas decreasingaggressionin children rather than increasingpeer acceptanceand friendships.This was a very ambitiousprogram that intensivelytrainedparents.It demonstrated that parentscould be countedon to institute detailed programs.Results clearly indicated improvedproblemsolving in the children. Cousins and Weiss (1993) implementeda treatmentcombiningtraining children in social skills skills with trainingparentsin management relevant to peer relationships.They advocated teachingparentsto organize the child's social agendaand havingthe parentsdebriefthe child after social contacts. Pfiffner and McBurnett (1997) demonstratedthat social skills training benefits readily generalizedto the home when parentswere trainedto promotethis generalization. Sheridanet a1. (1996) taught parentssupportive listening skills, helping their child solve social problems,setting social goals, and helping their children transferskills to the home environment.Parentandteacherreportssuggested generalimprovementfor most boys. We havefound that most parentsof friendless children possessadequateskills in most areasof socialfunctioning, with the exceptionof a few localized"blind spots."With a little information from us, parentscan help eachother to improve the way they managetheir children'speer relations. The techniquesdescribedin this volume were readily usedby most parentsof children enrolledin our program.

Common Diagnosis of Children Obtaining Training

Childrenenteringinto our friendshipclassesare heterogeneous.For many children, social concernsare part of a larger constellationof maladjustment. Most commonly, children will carry diagnosesof eitherADHD, oppositionaldefiant disorder(ODD), or an autismspectrumdisorder (ASD). We haveobservedthat between40% and 60% of childrenin anyparticularfriendshipclass will haveADHD andperhaps20% will haveASD. The remaining children may have generalized anxiety disorderor social phobia or do not satisfy criteria for any psychopathology.We find it beneficialto mix thesedifferent typesof children, becausethe skills they bring to sessionsmay complementeach other. Children with ADHD representa morenormalizedpeergroupfor highfunctioning children with ASD. Their enthusiasmmaybe contagiousto morecautiouschildren. The children with ASD that we selectfor treatmentarea goodstabilizinginfluence.Theyhighly value and help promote focus on each activity. Our goal for all children in thesegroupsis to integrate them into a mainstream,well-behaved peer group. The next sectionsreview the three mostcommondisorderspresentamongchildren in social skills training and social deficits commonly attributedto them.

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Children with ADHD are at substantialrisk for poor social relationshipswith peers (Barkley, 1990;Frederick& Olmi, 1994;Pelham& Bender, 1982; Pope, Bierman, & Mumma, 1989; Teeter, 1991;Whalen& Henker,1985).Estimatesof children with ADHD who are rejectedby peersrun as high as 60% (Carlson,Lahey, Frame,Walker, & Hynd, 1987; Zentall, 1989). Somestudiessuggestthat childrenwith ADHD are morelikely to be rejectedby peersthanchildrenwith otherdisruptive behaviordisorders(Carlsonet al., 1987; Landau& Moore, 1991; Popeet al., 1989). In additionto havinglow socialstatusamong their peergroups,ADHD children may also fail to develop a best friend (George& Hartmann, 1996; Ray, Cohen, Secrist, & Duncan, 1997). Children with ADHD have less knowledge of how to maintain establishedfriendships when comparedto normalpeers(d. Landau& Moore, 1991). Pelhamand Bender(1982) reportedthat peerdysfunctionremainedafterRitalin improved academicperformanceof childrenwith ADHD. The availableevidencesuggeststhat medication

12

COMMON DIAGNOSES OF CHILDREN OBTAINING TRAINING

may help decreasenegativebehaviors(Pelham et al., 1987), but no clear evidenceexists that medication alone will improve social skill or changesocial goals (Melnick & Hinshaw,1996). Researchto date has begunto identify areasof social deficienciesin samplesof children diagnosedwith ADHD. Child interviews have shown that children diagnosedwith ADHD tendedto dislike peersfor the samereasonsas non-ADHD children (Whalen& Henker,1985). However, they differed from non-ADHD children as to whom they nominatedas most liked (Hinshaw & Melnick, 1995). Child interviews abouthypotheticalsocialsituationshaverevealed that childrendiagnosedwith ADHD think about less friendly and effective, more assertiveand impulsive solutions to social problemsthan do their non-ADHD peers (Grenell et al., 1987). Similarly, theytendto attributehostileintent and expectfuture aggression,but areproneto gather lessinformationbeforemakingtheir conclusions (Milich & Dodge, 1984). Observationstudies haveshownthat childrendiagnosedwith ADHD havea high quantityof social output, especially negative behavior (Pelham & Bender, 1982). Childrenwith ADHD havebeenfound to be less likely to changetheir behaviorto fit the social situation (Landau& Milich, 1988). In addition, studiesinvestigatingsocialproblemsolvinghave found deficits in encodingsocialcuesassociated with the diagnOSisof ADHD (Matthys,Cuperus, & Van Engeland,1999),but selectionof aggresandconfidencein performingthem siveresponses seemedmore associatedwith ODD thanADHD.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) ADHD is often comorbid with ODD with comorbidityratesrangingbetween42% and93% (Biederman,Munir, & Knee, 1987;Jensen,Martin, & Cantwell, 1997). Partly due to this high rate of comorbidity, little is known about the unique social deficits associatedwith ODD. In analoguegame situations,children with ODD and ADHD were more aggressivein response to provocation by imagined competitorsthan

/

13

childrenwith ODD alone (Atkins & Stoff, 1993). Using a factorial design, Frankel and Feinberg (2002) were able to teaseout the additive contributions of diagnosesof ADHD and ODD to social dysfunction. Subjectsdiagnosedwith ODD were rated by parentsas showing more disrespectful behavior toward adults. Diagnosesof ADHD andODD were eachassociatedwith parent ratings of decreasedresistanceto provocation from peers.Teacherratings indicated that subjectswith ADHD showed more disruptive behaviorbut subjectsdiagnosedwith ODD were more hostile toward peers. Much researchremainsto be doneto identify social deficits associatedwith ODD.

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) Childrenwith ASD are at substantialrisk for social problemswith peers.Baumingerand Kasari (2000) reportedthat 7- to 14-year-oldswith ASD felt more lonely and had poorer quality friendships (in terms of companionship,security, and help) than same-agedtypically developingcontrol children. A review of the last 10 yearsof literatureon ASD suggeststhe following: 1. Although therearemanystudieson cognitive andlinguistic problemsin ASD, thereare no studiesof specific deficits in makingandsustaining friendships. 2. Thereare few interventionsthat are aimedat improvingpeerrelationsamongchildrenwith ASD (cf. Marriage, Gordon, & Brand, 1995). 3. These interventionshave not been formally testedin terms of their immediate or longterm resultsin improving peeracceptanceor the developmentand quality of best friends. Two examplesof studiesillustrate points 2 and3. Mesibov(1984) describedgrouptreatment of social skills for highly verbal autistic adolescents attemptingto improve communication, positive peer interaction, and self-esteem.Outcome data were only qualitative in nature but suggestiveof benefits. Theory of mind is a general social cognitive strategy, measuredby tell-

14

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

ing storiesto a child after which they are asked to infer what othersmust be thinking or to predict other's actions. Ozonoff and Miller (1995) utilized a programthat appliedtrainedtheoryof mind to nine autistic children. Although theory

of mind measuresimproved after treatment,no concomitantimprovementin friendships was found. Relationshipsbetweentheoryof mind and ability to develop and sustainfriendships have not beenexamineddirectly.

Research on the UCLA Children's Friendship Program

causewe thought that boys diagnosedwith ADHD might have more difficulty in following the rules of etiquette and thereforewould not showimprovementat home. Changesin schoolalso occurred.Mean improvementon the teacher-reportedPEl Withdrawal and Aggressionscales (Pekarik et al., 1976) was statistically significant for boys without ODD (n = 17 in the treatmentgroup). Again, we were surprisedthat the presenceof ADHD (n = 27 in the treatmentgroup) did not have a significantimpacton teacheroutcomemeasures. We wereableto developmodelsfor predicting teacher-reported outcomeon theWithdrawal, Likability, and Aggressionscalesof the PEl (Frankel, Myatt, Cantwell, & Fineberg,1997a). Fifty-two subjectswere divided into treatment respondersand nonrespondersusing a double median split procedure(eliminating subjects improving at the medianof eachoutcomemeasure).ParentAchenbachChild BehaviorChecklist (CBCL; Achenbach,1991) ratings and DSM-IIJ-R diagnosesfor boys completing our original interventionwere submittedto multiple logistic regressionanalysis (d. Afifi & Clark, 1984; Frankel& Simmons,1992). We confirmed that the DSM-IIJ-R diagnosisof ODD predicted poorerresponseto treatmenton the teacher-rated withdrawalmeasure(69.94%accuracy).A major-

The intervention describedin this volume has taken 14 years to reach its current form. This chapterreviewsthe changesovertheyearsaswell as factors we have discoveredwhich limit treatmentresponse.The original 12-sessiontreatment program(Frankel,Myatt, & Cantwell,1995)consistedof child didactic, socializationhomework, and free-play coachingmodules, but only the beginningstepsof parentinvolvement:Informational presentations weremadeto parentsfor the first two sessions.Parentswere encouragedto wait in a meetingroom and socializewith each other until the last 15 minutes of Sessions3 through11. During theselast 15 minutes,a brief reviewwasmadeof the contentsof the child session and parentswere given a handoutcovering guidelinesfor the child's socializationhomework assignment.Potentialproblemswith compliance were briefly discussed. Results suggestedgeneralizationhad occurredoutsidethe treatmentsituation.We compared36 boys receivingtreatmentwith 17 boys on the wait list for the samelength of time. Significantly greater mean improvementfor the Social Skills scale score of the parent-reported SSRS(Gresham& Elliott, 1990)wasobtainedfor boys receiving treatment.Child diagnosisof ADHD did not havea significant impact on parent outcomemeasures.This was a surprise,be-

15

16

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

ity of nonrespondingsubjectswho were predicted to be respondersfor either Aggressionor Withdrawal scalescame from only 2 of the 12 treatmentreplications (randomizationtests, p values< .05). Parentsin thesetreatmentreplications chosenot to stay and socializeduring the unstructuredtime, but did attend the last segment of eachsessionas required. Our program was subsequentlyenhanced so as to makethe interventionmore effective for subjectswith ODD who failed to respondto treatment.Parentattendancebecamerequiredfor the entire session.We developedeight more parent modules and accompanyinghandouts,which gave the parentsthe "script" that the children received for key social situations and enabled parentsto remind children of this script before executionof homework assignments.Parents reportedcompletedsocializationhomeworkassignmentsin detail at the beginningof eachsession. Our hypothesiswasthat this would mitigate the effects of ODD on outcome by improving child compliancewith socializationhomework. Four treatmentreplications,totaling16 boys and 5 girls, completedthe Enhancedprogram (Frankel et al., 1996). These results were comparedwith the outcomeobtainedon the original programwith 26 additionaltreatedsubjects(total n = 50 boysand12 girls, Original program).A reliability of changescore[RC = (pretreatmentposttreatment)/SE ' where SE is the standard ds ds error of the differencescoresfor eachmeasure 1 was calculatedfor eachsubjectin the pathological rangeon eachmeasureat baseline.An RC > 2 wasdesignatedasreliable.Resultsrevealedsignificantly moreteachersreportedreliablechange in PEl Aggressionand Likability after the EnhancedversusOriginal program. RCs after the EnhancedprogramweresubstantiallyaboveWait List (22 boys and 4 girls) levels on all measures exceptfor PEl Withdrawal. A study of the Enhancedprogram(Frankel et al., 1997b)compared35 childrenwithADHD, who beganstimulantmedicationprior to the start of the study,and14 childrenwithout ADHD who alsoreceivedsocialskills treatment,with respective wait-list control groups (12 children each group). Subjects in both diagnostic groups showedcomparablebenefitsover their wait-list controlson both parentandteacherratings.Chil-

dren with ODD were not different from those without ODD on mostoutcomemeasures.Effect sizesrangedfrom 0.93 to 1.34. Our approachfocuseson social etiquetteor rules of behaviorenforcedby the peergroup. It is a simple way for children with ASD to understand social context. We have identified 17 patients diagnosedwith ASD who havetakenpart in our friendship classesover the last 3 years. Although this number seemssmall, it is larger than nearly all of the previously publishedresearchon social skills training in children with ASD. Outcome measureswere the SSRS (completedby the parent),the PHS (completedby the child), and the PEl (administeredby telephone to the child's teachers).Resultsrevealedsignificant improvementsin Assertivenessand Problem behaviors,but not Self-control. Inspection of individual children revealedthat 9 of 17 children(52.9%)showedimprovementon eachof the two scalesinitially in the problematicrangeand 14 of 17 children (82.3%) improved on at least one of thesescales. Pre- and posttreatmentdata for PEl scales were availablefor sevenchildren. Inspectionof individual patients revealedthat five of seven children (71.4%) showedimprovementon at least one of thesescales.The PHSwas collectedon 12 patients.Eight patientsinitially scoredin the "low self-esteem"rangeon the PHS.All eight patients showedimprovementin a positive direction on posttesting.Five of the eight showedimprovement that exceededthe test-retestreliability (rangeof improvementwas14-42pointsincrease in total self-esteemscores). Two studies assessedpossible synergistic effects betweenpretreatmentprescriptionsfor medicationand treatmentresponseto our program. The first study focusedon subjectswho were diagnosedwith ADHD with or without ODD but with no other comorbid disorder (Frankel, 2002c). Mean age was 8.5 years. Seventeensubjectssatisfiedcriteriafor ADHD alone, and 31 met criteria for with ADHD and ODD. Medicationstatuswasbrokeninto threegroups: Unmedicated(n = 11), Stimulant only (11 = 27), and Other medication(n = 21). The most commonly prescribedothermedicationswere Zoloft (n = 8), Depekote(n = 5), Prozac (n = 5), and

RESEARCH ON THE UCLA CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP PROGRAM /

Clonodine(n = 3), eitheralone(n = 10) or in combinationwith one or two other medications(n = 18). Examinationof individual scoresrevealed that 74% of subjectsin the Stimulantonly group (17/24) displayedimprovement,versus37.5% (6/ 16) of Unmedicatedgroup and 25% (5/20) of Othermedicationgroup.Of the five subjectswho improved in the Other medicationgroup, four were prescribedstimulantsin combinationwith other medications. The secondstudy focused on the medication statusof twenty-five 6- to 13-year-oldchildrenwith ASD (Frankel& Myatt, 2002).Thirteen subjectswere prescribedmedicationby community physiciansprior to and unrelatedto their participation in the program (3 subjectswere

17

prescribedRitalin, 2 Adderall, 1 Dexedrine,1 Depekote,1 Prozac,1 Lithium, 1 Lithium and Mellaril, 1 Zoloft and Ritalin, 1 Depekoteand Resperidone,and 1 Zoloft, Resperidol, and Depekote),whereas12 were unmedicated.Resultsrevealedsignificantlygreatermeanimprovement in the Unmedicatedgroup for SSRS Self-controlsubscaleand PEl Likability and Aggressionscales. Clearly, subjectswith ADHD medicated with stimulantsand unmedicatedsubjectswith ASD showed greater benefits after children's friendship training. It is currently unclear whethermedicationstatusproduceschangesin treatmentresponseor indicatesmoretreatmentresistantsubjects.

PREPARING FOR TREATMENT

In PartsII andIII, we presenteachstepin preparationfor treatmentandsessiondelivery as a chapter.Eachchapteris divided into two major portions: "TreatmentRationale" presentsthe basisfor the developmentof the step or session."How to Conductthe Session"gives a narrativedescriptionof the stepsto implementthe intervention.In order to promotegroup leaderspontaneity,parentand child sessionplans appear in outline form. "Clinical Examples"and"PotentialProblems"areinsertedat pointsin the descriptionof interventionin which they typically occurin orderto providegroup leaderswith greaterbenefitsfrom our experience.

19

Screening

1. Knows how to play simpleboardgamesindependentlyandhasthe conceptof winning and losing in the contextof a boardgame. 2. Has playedsimple sportsthat are likely to be played by children during school recesson playgrounds(e.g., handball, Four Square, tetherball,basketball,jump rope). 3. Can potentially maintain a sharedfocus in conversationwith another member of the class(is able to switch topics from a primary interest and has sufficient communication ability). 4. Has no more than slight delay in age-appropriate social interests (conversation,toys, games,and activities). 5. Canbe managedin an outpatientsetting(i.e., behaviorcanbe controlledwith rewardand/ or brief time out). 6. Doesn't exhibit "offensive" behaviors(e.g., public masturbationor nosepicking in a fifth grader). Without first eliminating thesebehaviors, a child is unlikely to be acceptedby peers,regardlessof progressin the class. 7. Has completedmost of first grade.We don't start first gradersin our groupsuntil Mayor June.This is becausewe havefound first graders to be too intimidatedby the didactic segment. On the other hand we have had 6V2-year-old secondgraderswho were very comfortable in this situation and indistinguishablefrom other secondgraders.

Treatment Rationale In order to conduct groups that are maximally beneficial to the variety of children needing friendshiptraining, it is necessaryto screenchildren who would benefit from the skills being taught and group children togetherwho will be comfortablein beingtogetherin the sameclass. Screeningbeginswith the parentphonecall to the therapist.The initial phonecall canestablish whether the child meetsmore obvious criteria and can inform the parent about the program and how to presentthe initial visit to the child. Parentsof childrenwho do not meetobviouscriteria can be referredto other resources.

6.1 ScreeningCriteria for Social Functioning The most frequent reasonsfor not meeting screeningcriteria are children who are too old (eighth grade or higher) or too young (kindergartenor lower), functioning at too Iowa social level for the classes,or inappropriatelyreferred (e.g., they need "social skills training" to listen to their parentsor teachersbetter). This interventionassumeschildrenhavecertainprerequisite skills. Criteria for socialfunctioning are that the child: 21

22

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

6.2 Grouping Children Who Would Be Comfortable Together Each specific class of children needsto be limited in their range of sociodevelopmental level. We like to keep each group of children within onegradeof eachotherfor small total groupsize (lessthaneight children) or within two gradelevels for a group of 10 children. Thereare two reasons to limit the range of developmentallevels within one group: 1. The children will have difficulty interacting with eachotherwithin the sessionsand may show more resistanceto interacting with groupmemberswho areat substantiallylower developmentallevels than they are. It is appropriate for children to be selectivein this regard. 2. Parentsmay be uncomfortableabout this divergence,fearingthat the intakeprofessional feels their child is moreseverelydisabledthan they can accept.Parentsmay also worry that their child may learn deviantbehaviorsfrom groupmemberswho areat significantlylower developmentallevels. Genderissuesare problematic, as referral ratesfor boysare aboutfour to five times that for girls. We don't recommendputting one girl in with nine boys. Since same-sexfriendshipsare encouraged(seeChap.18), threegirls within one gradeof eachotheris an ideal minimum (we have rarely hadmore in one group).If we canonly get two togetherin a group, then we consult with the parentsof both girls to seeif they are willing to risk having their girl be alone with the boys for a sessionwhen the other girl is absent.If a girl is comfortableplaying with boys, then parentsgenerallydon't mind.

6.3 Formation of the First Few Groups The most difficult part of the processis the formation of the first few groups.Referral sources haven'tbeenalertedto the groupsor what they can provide, and no "track record" has beenestablished(in eitherthe capacityto form adequate groups or the ability to benefit children). In or-

der to starta group,parentsof childrenwith comparablecharacteristicsmust be enrolled within abouta 2-monthperiodof eachother.Any longer than this and parentswill usually not want to wait or will lose confidencethat you can provide the interventionthat hasbeendescribedto them. You should not compromiseon thesecriteria in orderto get the initial groupsunderway; just try to get at leastsix in a group. This is the "critical mass"or the minimal numberof participantsthat feels like a "group" to both participantsandgroup leaders.Othercompromisescouldrisk the "wordof-mouth" reputation of your fledgling clinical enterprise.Sevenor eight participantsis a safer numberto start, as absenceswill be lesslikely to take the group below critical mass. Recommendedmaximum group size is 10, as this allows parentsadequatetime for discussionwithin a I-hour session.If the sessionlength is 90 minutes,then 12 is a comfortablemaximumsize.

How to Conduct Telephone Screening The first contact with a professionalis usually througha telephonecall by the parent.Most have beenreferredby eithera teacher,a mentalhealth professional,or anotherparentwhosechild was previously in our class. Effective screening,beginning with the initial phonecall, insuresthat the eventualgroup experiencewill be compatible with the child's problemsand the parent's expectations.In orderto justify socialskills training it is necessaryfor childrento havefriendship problems,which includes peer rejection or neglect, lack of closerfriendships,or othernegative behavioralconcomitants.Sometimeschildrenare rejectedby peersfor reasonsother than poor social skills, suchas appearanceor ethnic group (Bierman, 1986a). These are not modifiable by the interventionsdescribedin this book. Children have differing degreesof preferencesto do activities with others (Evers-Pasquale,1978). Children who seemto genuinelyenjoy playing alone and do not appearto show any signs of lonelinessmay not benefit from interventions teachingthem how to make friends. Mothers are the most reliable informants,

SCREENING

since they are most likely to supervisethe play dates(i.e., if play datesare being supervisedby either parent). It is strongly suggestedthat the telephoneintake be donewith mom in order to engageher in treatment.The telephonescreening form in Table 1 may be helpful to assessif children meetthe criteria just reviewed. Although someparentswould like to do so, it is counterproductiveto get children to admit that they havepeerproblems.Parentsshouldbe advisedto tell their child that thereis a classthat teacheschildren how to make and keep friends and that they will be talking to someoneabout this class. Discussionwith the child about how much the child needsthis class should be discouraged.

Clinical Example of a Typical Telephone ScreeningCall Screener:What gradeis your child in? Mom: Third grade. Screener:What problemsdoes your child have in making or keepingfriends?1 Mom: He doesn't have any problems making friends, but once they get to know him, they don't want to play with him anymore. Screener:Are there any children that he regularly hangsaroundwith at school? Mom: Thereare only one or two. Screener:Do children seek out your child at school or does your child generally seek out othersto play?2 Mom: Yes, thereis one child, but I don't like him becausehe gets in trouble a 10t.3 Screener:How often would you say that your child hasplay dates?4 Mom: Oncein a while he'll have a play date. Screener:Are the play datesgenerallyharmonious or are there frequentdisagreements?5 Mom: Occasionaldisagreements. But oncechildrencomeover, they don't want to comeback again. Screener:What types of gamesdoesyour child like to play with other children? Mom: He likes videogames.

/

23

Screener:Does he know how to play any board games? Mom: Yes. He plays checkers,Clue, and Sorry. Screener:Doeshe play any sports? Mom: He's not much of a sportsperson. Screener:Doeshe know how to play any sportfor instance,handballor soccer? Mom: Yes. He knows how to play handballbut he saysthe other kids don't let him play. If this interview establishessocialproblemsin one or more areas,and the child has play intereststhat arecommensurate with his or her grade, then a programdescriptionshouldbe provided.

[Sampleprogramdescription] Screener:We offer a 12-weekprogram.We cover how to have a two-way conversation,how to make a good first impression,how to join othersat play, how to be a good sport, how to resist teasing,and how to be a goodhoston a play date.Are those things you think your child needs? [Variant] Screener:It soundslike your child already has some of the basic social skills that we teachin the initial groupsessions.The area he hasmost trouble with seemsto be the play dates. Each of the sessionsin our program builds cumulativelyupon the previousweek's lesson.Participationin all of the programsessionswill help your sonor daughterto build a total repertoireof skills thatwill likely increase his or her chancesof havingmorefrequentand betterquality play dates.Would that be of interestto you? 'This will detect children who need behavioralprograms for other reasons,such as compliancewith parentsor teachers. 2This probeis repeatedin the child mentalstatusexam. Gresham(1982) found that peer statusis betterpredicted by the approachof othersrather than overall ratesof peer interaction.This is becauserejectedchildren may be tolerated by otherswhereaswell-like children may be sought out by them. 3This is a pattern in rejected and neglectedchildren. Children that seekthem out tend to be rejectedand have behavioralproblems. 4Lessthan once a week is probablytoo few. SBy secondgrade,children shouldhavemostly harmonious play dates. By fourth grade, disagreementsshould almost never happen.

TABLE 6.1 Telephone Screening Form

Children's Friendship Training TelephoneScreeningForm Today's Date: -1-1_

Person taking information: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Child Name: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ DOB:---1---1_

Male 0

Female0

Age: _ __

Grade:

Date PacketSent: ---1---1_ Referrant: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ Therapist 0

School 0

Friend 0

Professional0

Family Information Family Type: 2-Parent 0

Single-Parent0

Who will come: Bio mom 0

Bio Dad 0

Step Mom 0

Step Dad 0

___ _ __ Parent(s)Name(s):_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.._ _ ___ Address:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Home Phone: (__)__-_ _ _ Work Phone: (__)_ _-_ _ __ _ _ Medications:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.._ Diagnosis:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ Sibs: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ Insurance:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Child Problems(checkall that apply): Aggressiveto peers 0 No friends at school 0 No play dates 0

Classroombehaviorproblems 0

Teased0

no one seekshim/her out at school 0

Infrequentplay dates« 2 per month) 0

Play date quality: Generallyharmonius 0

Occasionaldisagreements0

Bossy/frequentdisagreements0

Comments:

Play skills: Knows how to play basic boardgames 0 Wants to have friends 0

24

Knows how to play school recessgames 0

SCREENING

[If the mom saysyesto the last questionin either variant, then go on]. Screener:We will mail you a packetof questionnairesto fill out (see Part 7.2). It shouldtake you about30 minutes to complete.Fill it out andsendit back.When we receiveit from you, we will scheduleyou andyour child for an intakeappointment.The purposeof this appointmentis for us to meet your child and determineif this is the right treatmentfor him andif he will fit in with the other children we have at this time. Do you have any questions?

Mom: Yes. What do I tell my child aboutthe class? Screener:Tell your child that thereis a classthat teacheskids how to make and keep friends and that he will be talking to someonewho runs that class about things that he likes to play. It is not necessaryto get your child to admit that he needsthe class.

/

25

Potential Problems

Desperatefor Any Group The motherof a moderatelydevelopmentallydisabled secondgrader attemptedto concealthis from the telephoneinterviewer.Eventualprobes establishedthat the child was in a specialclass, was academically3 years behind agemates, tendedto have friends who were in preschool, and couldn't play simple board games (even Candyland).

DenyingMore SeriousPsychopathology One mom offered only interpretationsof her son's aloofnessand descriptionsthat gave far more credit for social cognitionthanwarranted. The initial mental status examinationrevealed strongsignsof severeautism.

Intake

The interventiondescribedin this volume may at first appearto be an unrestricted class" to some parents(like gardeningor flower arranging) or group therapyto other parents.But the processand contentof the intake appointment clarify it as the beginning of a syllabus-driven treatmentgroup.

The informationgivenby the clinician to the parentcan establisha viable treatmentcontract with the parentanddetermineany preconditions to treatment(e.g., buy more board games,continue medicationduring treatment,enroll child in camp for better accessto peersin the summer). The clinician canpreparethe child for treatment by providing a description of the first session.

If

Treatment Rationale 7.1 Goals of the Intake

7.2 Packets

Broadly speaking,intake appointmentsare used to get informationandthengive information.For the information received:

We recommendthat a packetof questionnaires and forms be mailed to the parents,completed by them, and receivedby the clinician before schedulingthe intake appointment.This saves time in the sessionandprovidesthe clinician with a brief introduction to the patient'sissuesand diagnosis.Our packetscontainthe following:

1. Meeting with the child may establishthe child's social-developmentallevel so that compatibility with the group currentlybeing assembledcan be assessed. 2. Interview with the parent can confirm the needfor treatmentand clear up any parent misunderstandings or misgivings. 3. The child cancompleteneededbaselinemeasures (e.g., self-esteemquestionnaire)that can't be mailed with the packet. 4. The parentscanbe administereda structured diagnosticinterview to establishchild diagnosis both for treatmentand for insurance billing purposes.

1. A brief biographicalform (seeTable 7.1). 2. Consentto releasethe home phonenumber to others in the group (presentedto all participantsas a group rosterin SessionI). This is necessaryfor the telephonehomeworkassignmentsto be done.This is only releasedto othersif the child is acceptedinto the class. 3. A medical screeningform, which consistsof information about important health conditions (e.g., allergies)and a brief developmen-

26

INTAKE

/

27

TABLE 7.1 Biographical Form

Children's Friendship Training BIOGRAPHICAL FORM Pleaseanswerall items. ALL INFORMATION PROVIDED WILL REMAIN IN STRICTESTPROFESSIONALCONFIDENCE. MOTHER: LASTNAME _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___

FIRST NAME _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ M.1.

_ M.1. FATHER: LAST NAME _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ FIRST NAME _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ City _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ Zip _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Home Address HomeTelephone( Today'sDate

Work Telephone( Your Birth Date _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ 1. Child's Sex: Male _ _ _ _Female_ _ _ _ 2. Racial Background:

7. Is your child in a specialclassof any kind? Yes_ _No_ _ Specify_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___

White

Hispanic _ _ __

Black

Asian _ _ _ __

Sa. Occupation: Pleasewrite in the kind of work you most usually do. Pleaseusea "job title" indicatingwhat you do (not merely where you work).

None- -

Jewish_ _ __

Sb. Number of hours per week employed_ __

Catholic- - - - -

Protestant _ _ __

Other (specify ) 3. Religion:

Other (specify)

9. Occupationof spouse/partner(even if separated/ divorced).

4. Current Marital Status: Unmarried _ _ __

Separated_ _ _ _ _

_ Married _ _ _ _ Widowed _ _ _ _ _ Divorced _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ Living with commonlaw spouse_ _ __ 5. Children: Pleasewrite in the name,sex, and birth date of eachof your children. If adopted,put age at time of adoption. Name Sex Birthdate

10. Education: Highestgradeor level achievedand degrees held? Yourself_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ Spouse/Partner _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ 11. Referral Information: Who referredyou to the Children'sFriendship Program? Self? Friend? Or if Professional:

6. Doesyour child haveany problemswith his/herbehavior and/or academicadjustmentin school? Yes No__ Specify_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___

Name: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ Degree: _ _ _ _ _ Phone: (

28

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

tal history (helpful in screeningfor developmentaldisabilities). 4. Preteston the SSRS, QPQ, and consentto obtain the PEl from the child's teacher. 5. The SNAP (Swanson,1992) to screenfor the presenceof AOHO and 000. 6. The ASSQ (Ehlers, Gillberg, & Wing, 1999) to screenfor autismspectrumdisorder. This packettakesabout30 minutesfor parents to complete.Using the packetdoesnot demonstrably increasedropouts, servesas an indicationof the parent'scommitment,andgives the intake professionaluseful information to guide the intake interview.

How to Conduct the Intake Interviews The intake proceedsas follows: First the parent is interviewedalonefor 5 minutesto confirm the presentingproblems discussedover the telephone.This maybe especiallyhelpful if the mom madethe call andthe dadis now also presentfor the intake interview. Asking dad to give additional information helps to get both parentsto accept the treatmentcontract. Next, the child mental statusexam is administeredin an individual interview with the child (parentsare in the waiting room). After the child returnsto the waiting room, the parentsare given the results of the mental statusexam. A parentstructured diagnosticinterview is next. If the child meets criteria for the class,the parentsare informed of the match,the classis described,andany potential problemsthat might interferewith treatment responseare addressed.The parentsare given the detailsof the specific class,suchas start and end datesand sessiontimes. At this point, the interviewer should securea commitmentfrom the parents(especiallymothers)to attendall of the sessions. In order to get mothersto participate,it is often necessaryto allow them to bring siblings of the patientto the class.Siblings staywith the parentsin the parentmeetingroom. If parents needto bring siblings, they are told to bring activities to keepthembusy(suchasthingsto color, somethingto read, small travel games,or home-

work) so that the parentscanconcentrateon the materialbeingpresented.Siblingshavenot generally poseda problemwhen this is followed.

The Child Mental Status Exam The goal is to assessthe child within narrowdomainsrelevantto friendshiptraining. Along with the usual goals of the mental statusexam, this structuredinterview provides information that will enablethe interviewerto makea reasonable estimateof the child's communicationand play skills (tappinga domainthat is of optimal useto the children's friendship program). The interviewer can becomeproficient in getting this information after a relatively short (10-15 minutes) interview. This may beginto occur after 10 to 20 children have been interviewed using the suggestedprobesin the Child Mental StatusExamination Template(Table 7.2).

Medication Issues As reviewedin SectionI, Chapter5, AOHO children prescribedonly stimulantshavedoublethe chance of improved teacher reports on posttestingthaneitherunmedicatedAOHO childrenor AOHO childrenprescribedotherpsychotropic medications(Frankel, in press).Children with ASO who are unmedicateddo better than those prescribedpsychotropic medication (Frankel& Myatt, 2002).Thesedataare not conclusive,asit is possiblethat prescriptionpatterns are confoundedwith initial severity of psychopathology.Regardlessof the reasonsfor theseobservations,it is prudentto suggestthat children with AOHO who are normally medicatedwith stimulantsremainso duringinstructionandduring interactionswith peers(play datesandother homeworkassignmentsarisingfrom the group).

Clinical Example of Describing the Class to the Parent Screener:Let me tell you about the children's friendship class. It's going to start next week at 5:45. Therewill be about10 children in the class. It is run as a class with a syllabus for eachsession.You are requiredto attendeach

INTAKE

/

29

TABLE 7.2 Child Mental Examination Template.

Children's Friendship Training Mental StatusExaminationTemplate __ Child Name _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 1. Did your parentstell you why you're here today? o gave correct answer 0 didn't know, incorrect

2. We have a classthat teacheskids how to make and keep friends. Is that somethingyou might be interestedin? Dyes 0 no 0 don't know 3. I'd like to find out about the things you like to play. Do they have a time at your school when you are free to pick whateveryou want to play? Dyes 0 no (skip to question#10) 4. What do you usually do at recess? o play with other kids 0 alone 5. Are there kids that you usually hangaroundwith? Dyes 0 no (skip to question#10) 6. What are their first names? o providesup to 5 first names 0 providesno first namesor tries to nameeveryonein class 7. Are they the sameage older or youngerthan you? o sameage o not sameage 8. How do you meetat recess? o we decidetogether 0 I find where they are 9. What kind of gamesdo you usually play o just talk/sit & watch others 0 outdoor sport, specify_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 10. What kinds of gamesdo you like to play outsideyour house? o skate/ridebike or skooter 0 climbing\chasing\hide& seek 0 sport, specify_ __ 11. Have you beenon any teams(have child specify which teams)? o no 0 yes, specify_ __ 12. What kinds of gamesdo you like to play inside your house(don't acceptarts/crafts,reading,or TV)? o electronicgames 0 boardgames 13. What boardgamesdo you have in your housethat you like to play? o board gamesnamedby child_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ o none 14. Is there anyonewho comesover to your housejust to play with you? Dyes 0 no (end interview) 15. When was the last time someonewas over? within last 0 week o month o longer than 1 month 16. What was the child's name? o gave name, specify 0 couldn't remember 17. What did you do together(prompt for completeanswer)? o mixed different activities 0 exclusivelyelectronicgamesand/orTV 18. Reportedinterestin a classthat teacheskids how to make and keep friends: o not interested,has plenty of friends o undecidedabout class o statedinterestin the class Global Impressions: Orientedx3? 0 yes 0 no Mood and affect appropriateto the situation Dyes 0 no o readily Establishedrapport with the examiner? Cognitive abilities: 0 below average o average Social maturity: 0 1-2 yearsbelow age level o agelevel __ Characteristicsof note: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

o eventually o never o aboveaverage o aboveagelevel

30

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

session.The parentsare in one room and the kids are in another.Eachsession,the kids are told somethingabout making friends, they practiceit, and they play for a while. They are coachedin the skill during their play. They are given a homeworkassignment.The first homework assignmentis to call anothermemberof the classandfind out somethingnice that happenedto them that day. Parentsare to work out the day and time of the call and seethat their child getsto the phoneat the appointed time. The homework gets a little more complex eachsession.Do you haveany questions?

Clinical Exampleof How to Preparethe Child Screener[at the end of the mentalstatusexamination]: That'sall the questionsI havefor you. Do you have any questionsfor me? Child: No. Screener:Let me tell you aboutthe class.It's going to start next week at 5:45. There will be about 10 children in the class,including you. It will be in the building acrossthe street.Your parentswill comein with you andmeetin one room. Then Dr. Bob will take all the children to anotherroom andtell you somethingabout makingandkeepingfriends. Thenyou will go out to the outsideplay areawhereyou'll play "Capturethe flag." Do you know how to play that game? Child: Yes. Screener:Good! At the end, Dr. Bob will give the kids a homeworkassignment.It will be to call anothermemberof the classand find out somethingnice that happenedto them that day. Your parentswill work out the day and time of the call. How's that sound? Child: OK.

PotentialProblems

daughterwas beginningto mix more easilywith other children in group situations. The interviewer askedher if shewantedto continuewith the classfor her daughterin the light of what she felt about her daughter'scurrent peer relationships. She said she didn't know, but that her daughterwas still complaining of not having friends and was feeling lonely at home. The mental statusexam revealedshe usually played with severalchildren during school recess,but thesechildren would never seekher out. The last play dateshereportedwas2 months prior to the intake. When the interviewerasked the child if she was interestedin the class, she emphaticallysaid "yes." The interviewershared this with the child's mother, togetherwith the results of the PHS. Her profile was in the low self-esteemrangeon popularity. Her motherdecidedto go ahead,sayingthat shewishedto make her daughterhappier.

Child Doesn'tWant to Attend A third-gradeboy emphaticallystatedduringthe mentalstatusexamthat he hadplenty of friends andwasn'tinterestedin taking the class.During the parent interview, his mother reportedthat shewas awareof his resistance.The interviewer said that the boy might benefit from the class despitehis reluctance,but this would dependon two things: (a) her resolve that this was the appropriate intervention for her son and (b) the ability for her andthe interviewerto devisea reward systemthat would motivate the boy to attend and cooperate.The mother said shefirmly believedthat the classwould help her son. The interviewer suggestedthat she give him a small rewardafter comingand cooperatingfor eachof the first two sessions.The mom agreedandgave her son $1 toward a music CD after eachof the first two sessions.Although her sem-saidhe did not like coming, he continuedto come and cooperatethroughoutthe 12 weeks.

ParentalAmbivalence

AlternatingParents

The motherof a fifth-grade girl initially reported her daughterhadno friends at schoolandno play dates. After delaying return of the packet and putting off the intake appointment,shesaidher

The mother of a fourth-gradegirl had one other child at home. Without discussingthis with the intake interviewer, she and her husbandagreed to alternatecoming to the sessions,so th~ne

INTAKE

/

31

parentcould take careof the sibling. Groupleaders noticed that wheneverdad was responsible for the homework,it didn't get done. We now ensurethe sameparentis committed to come consistentlyto eachparentsession. When parentssuggestthat they might find this difficult, we suggestbringing the siblings to sit in the parentmeetingroom.

viewer urged the mother to stop her efforts for the time being, becauseshe might be trying too hard and this might result in further alienation of the othergirls. The interviewersuggestedthat after the daughterlearnedthe prerequisiteskills, shewould be in a betterpositionto acquireschool friends. Even then, it might take a while for the daughter'Sreputationto die down.

OverscheduledChildren

PrecociousDaughter

A singleworking mom of a fourth-gradeboy had her children in numerousactivities throughout the week: an after-schoolprogrameveryday until 6 p.m., followed by homework,meals,baths,and bedtime. On the weekends,it was soccerteam, karate,and "family time." Whenit cametime to schedulea play date, child and mother agreed that there was no time in their existing schedule. Currently, we inform the parent that the child will haveto haveone or two play datesper week toward the end of the class (and after the classis over). The interviewerhasthe parentensureadequatetime for play datesbeforethe child is acceptedinto the class.

The mother of a sixth-gradegirl said she didn't haveanysame-sexfriends. However,sheboasted, "People think that my daughteris much older than her age." Mental status interviewrevealed that the girl was dressedin tight "short-shorts" and bathing-suittop, with full makeup,and began discussingwho her "new boyfriend" was. This type of dressand conversationmay cause many of the other girls discomfort and make a girl vulnerable to sexual exploitation by older malepeers.The interviewerdiscussedtheseconcerns with the girl's mother, and the mother agreedto set limits on the daughter'Sdressand makeup.

DivorcedParentsSharingJoint Custody The divorcedmotherand father of a sixth-grade boy rotated full custody every 2 weeks, living apartby a 45-minutecar ride. Both wereinvested in their child's improvementof friendships.The intakeinterviewerreviewedwith themhow they were going to ensurethat their son'sfriendships would maintain continuity, despitethe custody arrangement.Both parentsagreedto attendall classes.During the intervention, the boy made friends at his mother'shouseand the father encouragedhis son to make phone calls to these friends. He offered to pick up and drop off any children having play datesat his house.

Forcing ContinuedFailure The mother of a seventh-gradegirl insistedthat her daughterobtain the phonenumbersof girls from school, despitethe fact that her daughter had a bad reputation among them. The inter-

ParentEncouragement of InappropriateAttire One second-gradeboy appearedat intake dressedin rubberrain bootsthat were not ageor weatherappropriate.Whenaskedaboutthis, the parent replied, "He just looks so cute in his boots-justlike ChristopherRobin from Winniethe-Pooh!"The intake interviewerinformed the parentthat her son neededevery advantagein order to improve his peerrelationshipsand that his "cute" attire was likely to be an impediment to friendshipmaking. His motheragreedto have him dressin a mannermore consistentwith the other boys in his class.

AdvertisingChild's Diagnosis Parentsbrought in a third-gradeboy who was diagnosedas having Asperger'sdisorder.At the intake appointmentit was clearthat the boy was functioning high enoughto be able to benefit from the children's friendship program and to

32

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

be able to developfriendshipswith typically developing peers. He was wearing a T-shirt with the main logo of the local autismsocietyon it. Parentswereadvisedagainstdisclosingtheir child's diagnosisuntil they got to know the new parentsand children much better. The goal of this program is to integrate children into the mainstream.It was also suggestedthat the child not wear clothesthat indicatedhe was a representative ofa particular diagnosis.The parents readily acceptedthesesuggestions,stating that this was exactlywhat they were looking for.

InappropriateBehaviorInvolvingAdults An 8-year-oldsecondgraderin a parochialschool was teasedand rejectedat school. His teacher reportedto the parentsthat he was not being included in any of his peer'sgames.The intake interviewer helped his teacheridentify two behaviorsthat significantlyimpairedhis acceptance by peers:(a) He tattledon otherchildrenand (b) he laughedinappropriately(too long and when nothing was really funny). A daily report card (cf. Barkley, 1991) was set up in which the teachercheckedoff whether or not each of thesebehaviorsoccurredin the morning and afternoon. Parentsremindedthe boy before dropping him off each day to work on inhibiting thesebehaviorsandgavehim a reward at the end of the weekfor 7 or more out of 10 possiblegood reportsfrom the teacher.After 3 weeks,neitherbehaviorwas occurring.He beganchildren'sfriendshiptraining, which finished during the summer.Mom wasable to setup play dateswith schoolmates.He continued to have two successfulplay datesper week well pastthe end of the program.When schoolstartedin the

fall, he was regularly included into a particular groupof five boys (with whomhe hadplay dates).

DecreasingObsessions A 7-year-old first grader with Asperger'sdisorder was obsessedwith trains andwould not talk about anything else, if he were allowed to talk about trains. He was told by the group leader that he would not be allowed to talk abouttrains whenin sessionor doinghomeworkfor the class. His mothergladly agreed.Throughoutthe class, theseruleswereenforcedandhis obsessionwith trains greatly decreased.

PlayedTogetherBeforethe Group Started A second-grade boy andgirl were referredto the group at the same time by their teacher.They had playedtogetheron occasion.In this case,as with all other children in the class,the parents were told at intake that they must agreethat the children not play togetheruntil after Session12 of the class.The parentswereadvisedto tell their children that this is one of the rules of the class. The reasonsfor this were as follows: The children may not actuallywant to play together. This allows them a graceful way to avoid an uncomfortablesituation. When the children hear each other's reports of playing with other children on play dates (startingin Session8), it will minimize any hurtful impact. Ratherthan thinking "she's having a play datewithout me," they might think "we're not allowed to play together." During the program,we encouragethe developmentof same-sexfriendships.

Program Infrastructure

Treatment Rationale

sessionsfocusingon play datesor as an alternative areaduring periodsof inclementweather.

This intervention requires extensiveplanning before the first sessionstarts.This chapterwill help the clinician ensurethat physicallayout and staff talent is commensuratewith this task. An invariant framework for sessionsis described. Having a constantframework is helpful for patients so that they cananticipatekey therapeutic featuresin order to betterfocus on content.

Play Deck: The outsideplay areausedto teach skills for outside games should resemblea schoolyardas much as possible.It should have sportsequipmentsuchas a basketballhoop,soccer goal net, and tetherballpole, and shouldbe fully fencedin for safety.

8.2 TherapistCharacteristics 8.1 PhysicalFacilities

Hibbs et al. {1997} suggestedthat the following types of therapistsmight be suitedbetterfor an interventionthat involves a manual:thosemore comfortablewith psychoeducational approaches {e.g., parenttraining}, and"crossover"professionals {e.g., teachers,schoolcounselors,or primary health care paraprofessionals}.The child group leadermustbe comfortableas a teacherof young children.Classroombehavioraltechniques-ease in praising children, correcting children when they are incorrect,and settinglimits when they seeknegativeattention-arerequirementsfor an effective child group leader. We have trained group leadersat various educationallevels. Child groupleadershavebeen socialwork, psychology,and psychiatrytrainees andUCLA undergraduate students.Parentgroup leadershave beenclinical social workers, social work trainees,and clinical psychologytrainees.

Thereare threelocationsto securebeforebeginning the class: indoor locations for parent and child classes,andan outdoorlocation{play deck} for some of the child games.Parentand child rooms and the outside play area should be as close as possibleto each other for quick transport of children during eachsession.

Parent Room: The parent room should have a large table and enoughspacefor all parentsto be seatedtogetherat the sametime. It is helpful to createa classroomatmospherefor the parent sessions. Child Room:The child room shouldhavea blackboard or marker board, tables, and chairs for childrento sit in. Theremustbe "floor room" for 33

34

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

This has worked well, with new group leaders yielding outcomedata consistentwith our seasonedveterans.

The standardsessionagendafacilitates staying on track. Eachparentsession(exceptfor Sessions 1 and 12) is brokendown into four segments:

How to Organize the Sessions

Initial Gathering(5 minutes):Parentsand chil-

We have had to work with 1-hour sessionsand have indicatedtimes basedon this total session length. Parentsessionscanbe completedwithin an hour (limiting group size to 10 children). It is importantfor parentand child classesto end in synchrony.The parent class should end as the children are coming back from the child group. Child misbehaviormost often happenswhen children are waiting outsidethe parentroom for the parentclassto end.

dren gather and the group leadersinspect the toys that the childrenhavebroughtin beforethe children leave the room for their session.

HomeworkReview(25 minutes):Eachparentreportsthe resultsof the previouslyassignedhomework. This holds the parent accountablefor homework complianceand also instructs the whole groupon how to overcomeproblems.Discussionincludes anticipation of possible problems on the next homeworkassignment.

Parent Handout/HomeworkAssignment(20 minutes):A handoutis presentedandreviewed.

Parent Sessions The parentsessionmissionis to teachskills, correct parenterrors,andhelp effect the solutionof specific impedimentsto homeworkcompliance. Table 8.1 presentsgeneralguidelinesfor working with parents.Allowing parentsto get off track or adoptcounterproductivepositionswill detract from the clarity of teachingand frustrate other parentswho want to get on with the missionof the group. Thus, group leadersmust be ready to cut parentsoff whentheydon'tfollow instructions.

The purposeis to inform parentsof their rolesin the peeracceptanceof their children,ensurethat parentstake their assignedroles in the homework, and ensurethat parentsprovide support for the principlesthe children are beingtaught.

End-of-SessionReunification(10 minutes):The parentsand children are reunited.The date and time and other party to the homework assignment are negotiatedbetweeneach parent and child before they leave the session.

TABLE 8.1 Summary Guidelines for Working With Parents

Do

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Stick to the sessionplan. Interrupt parentswhen they take the group off track. Hold parentsresponsiblefor their parts of the homeworkassignment. Review the specificsof newly assignedcompletedhomework. Ask first for homeworksuccesses and havethe parentswho had themreport first. This servesthree purposes:(1) It fills the sessionwith positive examplesof homeworkcompliance.(2) It encourages parentswho haven'tcompletedthe homeworkto try it next week. (3) It doesn'tallow much time for excusesfor why the homeworkcouldn't be done. 6. Help parentswith any problem solving necessaryto attemptthe next homeworkassignment. 7. Reviewhandoutsby readingandcommenting(suggestionswill be in the therapistguides).Reading the handoutensuresthat parentsattendto all partsof the handout.

Don't 1. Never make side conversationswith a parent (you are distracting them from the purposeof the interventionand leaving out other parentsin the group). 2. Avoid posinggeneraland "feeling" questionsto the group. 3. Avoid discussingwhat will happenin future sessions(unlessit is in the therapistguide to the sessionhandout)-parents needto focus on what is neededeachweek.

PROGRAM INFRASTRUCTURE

The handling of homeworkassignmentsis the key to generalization:(a) homeworkreports come early in the parentsession,(b) thereis explicit reviewof the homework,and(c) the assignmentsare easierat first, and gradually become more difficult. High compliancerates for the easierassignments,togetherwith pressurefrom the group, set the expectationfor homework compliance. Parentshave occasionallyattemptedto evadehelp for uncompletedhomework.It is usually helpful to ask for homeworksuccesses first, becausemost parentswill completethe homework. This tactic has the effect of castinghomework noncomplianceasthe exceptionratherthan the rule. Sometimesa parent will give several excusesfor homework noncompliance,hoping to get supportfor this from either other participants or the group leader. The group leader shouldrespondby ignoring excusesandhelping the parentwork out a planfor homeworkcompletion for the next session.

PotentialProblems

"Snowing" the Group Leader When the group was askedfor homeworksuccesses,a parentsaidshedidn't do homeworkbut had her child do somethingelse (not coveredin class).Shethen complimentedthe group leader by saying how much better her child was as a resultof the group. The groupleaderinterrupted the parentand said, "I needto hear from someone who did the assignmentright now." Not listeningto excusesand interruptinga parentmay makethe parentmomentarilyupset,but will be silently welcomedby parentswho are on track and will increasethe probability of compliance with homeworkfrom the noncompliantparent in the future.

Attemptingto Commandeerthe Agenda The motherof a fifth-grade boy asked,"My child is getting into fights at school-can'tyou talk about that now?" The group leader statedthat this wasnot the purposeof the parentgroupand that there was an agendafor this session.He advised that if she wanted individual help, he

/

35

could refer her to a counselorat the end of the session.The parentacceptedthis redirection.

Chronic Lateness A second-grade girl andher motherconsistently arrived15 minuteslate eachsession.On the third suchinstance,the groupleadertook the mother aside (at the very end of the session)and told her, "1 notice that your daughterhas beencoming late. Todayshemissedthe homeworkreview and part of the instruction. She learns quickly. But if she doesn'thearwhole lessons,shewon't learn them. Is there anythingyou can do to get her here earlier?"The mom apologizedand said she had to wait for the babysitterto arrive for her other three children. She would try to have the babysittercome earlier.

Child Sessions Childrenlearnmorefrom doing somethingthan from talking about it. In our sessions,the talking parts serve to reinforce homework compliance and alert the children to the rules to be learned.The play portion keepstheminterested and concretizesthe rules for them. Table 8.2 presentsguidelines for working with children. Coachesand group leadersact as consultantsratherthanplaymates,watchingand dispensingtoken andverbalreinforcement,and providing consequences for misbehavior(Ladd & Golter, 1988).They avoid playing andconversing with children.Rejectedchildrentendto seek out adultsratherthanotherchildren.This should not be encouragedbecauseit helps them avoid difficult social situationsand deprivesthem of social learningopportunities. The child sessionbeginsas the children are led out of the parentroom after the initial gathering and into the child room. It endswhen the childrenreenterthe parentroom for the end-ofsessionreunification. Eachchild session(except for the first and last) is broken down into three segments:

HomeworkReview(10 minutes):Childrenreport on the resultsof the homeworkassignmentgiven in the previoussession.Motivation for children to do the homework comes from parent insis-

36

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

TABLE 8.2 Summary Guidelines for Working With Children

Do

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Establisha teacher-pupilrelationshipwith the children. Keep homeworkreview and didactic segmentsshort and on track. Allow as much time as possiblefor the real play segment. Use specificpraise (statingexactly what the child has done correctly). Enforce appropriatebody boundaries(discourage"fast friends" and "horseplay"). Enforce the rules of the group.

Don't 1. Never join in the children'splay (we are teachingthem how to play with other children, not adults). 2. Never carryonconversationswith an individual child (e.g., on the way to the deck activity after didactic). Always direct children to speakonly to other children. 3. Don't call on children who shout out the answerduring the didactic presentation(interrupting and calling out shouldnot be rewarded). 4. Never supportincorrectstatementsby children (e.g., "not having enoughtime" to do their homework as assigned).

Rulesfor Using a SocraticMethod The Socratic method actively involves the children in producing rules for behavior and explaining their importance.This approachis recommendedfor most sessionsthat introduce new rules (Rules of a Good Sport, Rules of a Good Host, Rules of a Good Winner): 1. The group leaderkeepsin mind the templatefor the sessionplan. Rules don't have to be reviewed in the order given, but ratheras the children come up with them. 2. If a child sayssomethingthat can be changeda little to fit into one of the rules, acceptit and praisethe child. 3. Restatethe rule as in the sessionplan and ask the group, "Why is it a good idea to follow that rule?" 4. If a child says somethingincorrect, make an unelaboratedresponsesuch as "No, that is not a rule for ... " and then ask anotherchild for correct rules. 5. Do not engagein a "debate"with the child regardinghis or her rationale.

tence on it, combinedwith hearing the other children'ssuccesses andgettinga star (seeTable 6) for attemptingit.

Didactic (20 minutes):The didactic presentation may help children to attendto key situationsin their social world and lay the groundwork for subsequentpracticein sessionand at horne. Real Play (20 minutes):This is the segmentof the sessionthe children like the most. They get to play either in the child room or in the outside play area, dependingon the module being presented. Homework review and didactic segments mimic a classroomsetting. The group leaders only recognizechildren who raise their hand. Children'sresponsesduring thesesegmentsrequire specific feedbackso that they can identify things they do correctly and eliminate counterproductive behaviors. Correcting errors might make a child uncomfortableat the momentbut

will make clear to the child and the other group membersthat the responsewas incorrect. It is advisableto keep the homeworkreview and didactic segmentsas brief as possible(coveringall of the material in the sessionplan) so that the real play segmentwill last as long as possible. Verbal instructioncanbe effectivein orienting children to the skill being taught, especially if a Socratic method is used (seeTable 10.8, in chapter10). However,didacticpresentationis not sufficient to changechild behaviors.Children consolidateknowledge more readily through coachingin the real play segment.But remember, most of the importantpracticewill be done under the supervisionof parentsduring the homeworkassignments.

A Note on Sports Proficiency Some of the children in our groups are in dire needof instructionon the basicrules andstrategies of sportsplay. Many have beenrejectedfor

PROGRAM INFRASTRUCTURE

/

37

TABLE 8.3 Behavior Control Techniques, Child Sessions 1-12

Delivering StarsDuring the Didactic Portion 1. Starsshould be given consistentlyacrosssessions-astar for bringing in the correcttoy, a star for eachpart of the homeworkcompletion,extra credit starsfor astutecontributionsduring the didactic. 2. The tactic of countingindividual starstoward everyone'sparty eliminatesjealousyand competitionamong the children over who hasthe most stars,becauseeverybodybenefitsfrom everybodyelse'scontributionof stars. 3. It is important to give a star only for completionof the assignedhomeworkand to not give more starsfor extra homeworkattemptsor completions.This may encouragechildren to "make up" homeworkreportsto get additional stars.

IntroducingPromptsand Time Outs 1. The topic of "time outs" is discussedduring the first session. When a child is disruptive for the first time, tell the child, "This is your first prompt. On the next prompt, you will be sentout of the room for a I-minute time out." 2. If a child persists,give the time out, stating, "Now it's time for you to take a time out for I-minute. I'll time it and let you back in the room after it is over." Take the child just outsideof the room leaving the door ajar so he or she can hear what is going on. During the real play segment,the time out areais off to the side of the play area. 3. Time the one-minuteinterval and neutrally tell the child to come back in the room without any further explanation.

Behaviorsrequiring prompts: • • • • • •

Continueddisruption. Rolling eyes. Inappropriatesexualcomments. Putting feet up on the table. Taking out a book and startingto read. Belittling the programor peers.

Behaviorsrequiring immediatetime out: • Name calling. • Verbal or physical aggression.

so long that they haven'tkeptup with what other agematesknow about the games.Shy children may be hesitantto join in play even after they are invited into a game. Limiting the length of the treatmentto 12 weeksdoesnot allow instruction on both how to play certaingamesandgood sportsmanship.Clearly we feel goodsportsmanship is more important as children can usually find others who are proficient at their level of play (a life task for boys and men who want to enjoy the companyof others). If the interventionis expandedto 18 weeks, therewill be adequatetime to coachin different games.In this case,we would recommendcoaching first thegamesthat areplayedspontaneously by childrenon schoolyardsat recess.This would

includehandball,Chinesejumprope,andbasketball (small group ratherthan full team).

Behavioral Control Techniques The reward programand level of stimulationof the sessionare more importantthan the format of negative consequences.Rewardstake two forms: (a) starsduringthe didacticsegmentsand (b) tokensduring deck activities (Sessions6, lO11). During the homeworkreview and didactic segmentsof eachsession,childrenaregiven stars on the blackboardfor quietly listeningin the seat, raisinghandsbeforetalking, classparticipation, and homework compliance. Rewards to the

38

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

whole groupareoccasionallydelivered(seeTable 8.3 for more on delivering stars, prompts, and time outs, and Table 13.1, in Chapter13, for delivering tokens).

Potential Problems

ResistantChild Number1: Supplementing Stars With GreaterRewards Despite a fourth-gradeboy's refusal to participatein the program,his motherwasinitially able to prevail. However,by Session3, he becameincreasinglydisruptiveduringthe didacticsegment of the class,threateningand intimidating peers and refusingto take time outs. He wasplacedon a modified"starprogram" in which he earnedup to 10 stars(the starsusually given out in a session)for appropriatebehavior, goodcontributionsto class,andusingthe social componentshe was taught. Five bonus stars were awardedfor completing homework assignments(his mother was consultedduring the initial gathering of each sessionprior to awarding this). A star was subtractedfor each offensethat earneda time out (threateningothers or noncompliancewith the group leader). Refusingto take time out would result in losing another star. At the end of each session,his mother was handeda sheetcompletedby the group leaderlisting starsandtime outs. Earning at least 10 starswas rewardedwith a meal at a local fast food restaurantafter session.Earning 70 total starswould earnhim a CD player. On almost all sessionshe earnedall stars, with few negativebehaviors,limited disruption of the lesson, and ready compliancewith the group leader. He showedremarkableimprovementin his relationswith peers:He becamequite gentle in group games,praising others, ensuring that they enjoyedthe game,politely making requests,andeasilyacceptinghis requestsbeing turneddown.

ResistantChild Number2: Separate Contract With ResistantChild Acrossthreesessions,the motherof a sixth-grade boy hadincreasingdifficulty gettinghim to come.

She askedthe group leaderto "tell him why he needsto come." The leaderstatedthat he would be glad to talk to the boy, but previous experiencehadindicatedthat "telling childrenwhy they neededto come" probablywouldn't be helpful. The sessionwasscheduledjust beforethe group, so it would be easierfor the mom to get him to cometo the classthat day. During the individual session,the boy said that the things we were teachingmadehim feel "stupid," he didn't like coming, and he didn't want to be friends with the othersin the group. The group leadertold him that he appearedto be pretty smart, but that wheneverwe teach a class we have to say things that some children may alreadyknow, just to make sure all of the childrenin the classknow them.We weren'tconcernedif he didn't like the group-because there are otherthings he doesn'tlike that are still beneficial for him, like goingto the dentist.We were more concernedthat he be able to use someof the things we talk about to help him at home and at school. The boy was told to check back with the group leader after Session7. The boy said that if he was able to use somethingfrom the class,he would changehis mind. The interviewer praisedthe boy, saying,"I'm glad you are keepingan open mind." The boy was also told that he didn't have to like the other children in the class. His behaviortoward othershad been very good (particularlyconsideringhe didn't like them),andhe shouldcontinuethis. The boy presentedno further problemsin the group.

Body Boundaries Rejectedchildren may have one of three problemswith bodyboundaries.Girls may start"pairing" by Session3 (but the pairs are not stable from sessionto session).You may see one girl putting her arm on anothergirl's shoulderwhile walking to the childrensroom. This is inappropriate for two reasons.First, it can be overpowering for other girls who might not be comfortableaddressingit. Second,it is obvious to other girls presentthat they are being left out. Excluding others atthis early stageof getting acquaintedis not a productive behavior. Instead, children need to keep their options

PROGRAM INFRASTRUCTURE

open so that they find otherswith whom they are compatible. Boys may be roughly horsing aroundwith each other, as if they were very best friends. Asperger'schildrenmaybe attemptingto hug or kiss other childrenwhetheror not it is welcome (sometimeswith the encouragement of their parents). In all cases,these behaviorsshould be stoppedby the group leader, first with a short informal group discussionand then later with promptsand time outs.

/

39

Clinical Example of Group Discussion About Body Boundaries

GL [to the group after two children are seenviolating body boundaries]:Is it okay to touch someonewhenyou hardly know them? Severalchildren: No! GL: That'sright. You don't beginto touch someoneuntil you know him or her for a while and you both are good friends. Right now no one knows each other well enough to be good friends.

SESSION CONTENT

Table iii.1 presentsan overview of all child and parentmodules.The first sessionestablishesthe ground rules for both parentsand children, gives some rudimentary phoneskills to the children, and hasparentsbegin to "network" with eachother and supervisethe child's phonecall. Children are taughtto gatherinformation aboutthe play interestsof other children. At first they practice with anothergroup member (homework assignedfor Sessions2-6) and eventuallywith a child who could be a potentialplaymate(homeworkassignedfor Sessions4-12). Parentsare taughtactive listening skills (Session2) in order to enhancetheir ability to supervisetheir child, and they beginto look for neighborhoodresourcesfor their child to meetnew friends (assignmentfor Sessions4 and 5). Children are taughthow to attemptto "slip in" to a game being played by other children and to acceptbeing turned down in their attempt. Theseskills culminatein the "slipping in" assignmentdue on Sessions6-9, in which parentstake their child to a local park to join others atplay. Theseskills are buttressedin Child Sessions5 and 6 with the rules of a good sport, which govern children'sbehaviorafter they join othersat play. The focus shifts to insidegamesand the play date,startingin Session7. Children learn the rules of a good host and parentslearn how to monitor and enforce these rules over the course ofweekly play dateswith a new child eachweek (homework assignedfor Sessions8-12). Resistingteasinganddealingwith adult complaintsabout the child are addressedin Parentand Child Sessions8 and 9. Finally the focus shifts backto outsidegamesas children are introducedto skills necessaryin competitivegames(the rules of a good winner). Parentsare presented with two educativehandouts,dealingwith boy-girl differencesin socialization(Session 10) anddecreasingphysicalfights (Session11). Graduationtakesplaceat the end of Session12, after posttreatmentassessment. The "How to Conductthe Session"portion of eachchapterin this sectionis organized separatelyby parentand child sessions.This is so that group leaderscan bring this volume to sessions,opento the sessionoutline and use the outline, to guide the session.Numbersindicatethe sequenceof stepsthat group leadersshouldfollow for eachsegmentof the sessions.Chapters9-16 in this sectioneachcontaingroupleader guidesto parenthandouts(and/orparentassignments)so that group leaderscanadd materialfor clarification. 41

42

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

TABLE 111.1 Overview of Parent and Child Sessions Parent Handout

Parent Homework Assigned

Child Didactic

Real Play

Goals and limits

In-group call (2-6) Outside toy (2-6)

Session rules Topics of conversation

Winning unimportant (Capture the flag)

2

Two-way conversations; Active listening

Monitor two-way conversations (3-7)

Places and times to make friends; two-way conversations

Preliminary group entry (Wolf pack)

3

Resources for friends

Outside group call (4-12); look for neighborhood play area (4,5)

Slipping in

Slipping in (Prisoner)

4

Slipping in

Level of disclosure Being turned down

Group entry; being turned down (Soccer)

5

Slipping in

Slipping in (6-9)

Rules of a good sport

Slipping in (Magic Johnson Basketball)

6

Inside games

Inside toy (7-9)

Rules of a good sport Ending games

Good sportsmanship (children pick game)

7

Play dates

Play dates (8-12)

Rules of a good host

Good host rules (inside game)

8

Resisting teasing

Practice making fun of the tease (9, 10)

Making fun of the tease

Good host rules (inside game)

9

Adult complaints about child

Outside competitive toy (10, 11)

"Unjust" adult accusations

Good host rules Unjust accusations (children pick outside games)

10

Boy-girl differences

Rules of a good winner

Rules of a good winner (children pick outside games)

11

Decreasing physical fights

Graduation party

Ways to stay out of a fight

Rules of a good winner (children pick outside games)

12

Post assessment

Where to go from here

Post-assessment

Graduation party

Session

Note. Numbers in parentheses indicate sessions on which the assignment is due (reported during the following sessions).

We have insertedtypical clinical examplesof how things work well and potentialproblemswe haveencounteredat the endof the stepsof eachsegment, so that group leaderswill not have to "wade through" theseexampleswhile deliveringsessionmaterial.Footnotesserveas memorypromptsand clarification. Every sessionhas parenthandoutsand/or homeworkassignmentsheets that are distributedto parentsto take home as reminders.We havekept these handoutssimple and give them out only one at a time (not the whole set at once) so that parentswill be more apt to look at them when they needto be

SESSION CONTENT

/

reminded.Child group leadershave one additionaltype of handout:Rules for games are provided each time a game is introduced during the real play segment.Parent handoutsand parent assignmentsheetsare at the end of each parent sessionplan. Table iii.2 is a materialslist, coveringall sessions.

TABLE 111.2 Materials List for All Sessions

Children's Friendship Training Materials list Parent Sessions: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Accordion file Attendance sheet (each name to be checked off when the child and parent come) Blank name tags Broad-point markers (parents and children write names on name tags) Current handouts Telephone rosters (with child name, parent names, and home phone number where they can be reached for calls by other group members) 7. Current child and parent session outlines

Child Sessions: 1. 2. 3. 4.

A file box Reward tracking sheet (to record totals of stars and tokens awarded to each child) About 70 tokens Erasers and chalk for writing stars and important points on the blackboard.

Session1: 1. Planned absence sheets (the child name is at the top and the dates of each session are listed for checkoff by parents indicating they will not be able to come).

Party (Session12): 1. 2. 3. 4.

Diplomas should be printed on fancy paper with each child's name and signed by the group leaders. Party decorations, plates, and cups should be on hand. A separate table should be set up in the children's room on which to place the food and drinks. A VCR. and monitor with a supply of screened, age-appropriate tapes should be set up in the children's room. The children will vote for the videotape that they would most like to see.

43

Introductory Session/Setting the Stage

Treatment Rationale

their child might reasonablyget into. Parents were askedwhat advicethey might give to their child about each. Parentsof well-liked children wereableto give morespecificanswersthanparentsof least-likedchildren.It is thereforenecessary to changeparentalknowledgeabout their children'sfriendships.A review of categoriesof peeracceptanceis a good start.

Many parentsenter treatmentwith misconceptions aboutthe causesof their child's friendship problems,the mechanismsfor improving their child's peer relations,and their role in the process.The primary treatmenthypothesisis that adequateinformationwill focusparentson homework compliance,which is the major vehicle for therapeuticchange. Childrenmaynot know what to expectfrom this class.This mayresultin eitherapprehension or misbehavior.Settingandenforcingbehavioral guidelinesfor childrenwill clarify their expectations and promotethe children'sopportunityto learn.

9.2 Definition and Categories of PeerAcceptance Acceptanceis definedas how well liked a child is within his or her peer group. Peer nomination procedureswere reviewedin Chapter2. A common classificationsystembreaksthe social status continuuminto five categories(Dodgeet al., 1990): average,who obtain about the classaveragein positive social preferencescores(number liked nominationsoutnumbernumberdisliked nominations)and social impact scores;popular, who are substantiallyabove averagein positive social preferenceand social impact scores;rejected, who are substantiallyabove averagein negativesocial preferencescores;neglected,who are substantiallybelow averagein social impact scores;and controversialwho are aboveaverage on socialimpact andwho receiveboth liked and disliked nominations.Proportionsof childrenin thesecategoriesvary between37% and 52% for

9.1 Importanceof ParentKnowledge According to Mize, Pettit, and Brown (1995), parentswho raisechildrenwho arewell-liked by peersbelievethat socialskills are importantand modifiableandthat parentshelp to socializetheir children through specific types of supervision. Theseparentsnot only act differently, but they havebeliefs andknowledgedifferent from those of parentsof childrenwho are rejectedby peers. DeAenlle (1979, cited in Parke, MacDonald, & Bhavnagri,1988) presentedparentswith hypothetical vignettes of social problem situations

45

46 /

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

average,14% to 21% for popular, 12% to 19% for rejected,13% to 23% for neglected,and2% to 9% for controversial(Bukowski & Newcomb,1985; Coie, Dodge, & Copoletti, 1982; Crick & Grotpeter,1995; Wentzel & Asher, 1995).

were characterizedby peersas kind and trustworthy, whereaschildren labeled as popular were characterizedas dominant, aggressive,or "stuck-up."

9.5 NeglectedVersus Withdrawn

Research on Categories of Peer Acceptance 9.3 Context and Stability of Sociometric Categories With the exceptionof the controversialcategory, severalresearchershave found thesecategories to be relatively stablefor up to 2 years (Howes, 1990; Parkeet al., 1997). Coie and Dodge (1983) andHarrist, Zaia, Bates,Dodge,andPettit (1997) found that rejectedstatuswas morestableacross 4 yearsthaneitherneglectedor controversialstatus. Consistentwith this, Greshamand Stuart (1992) found that liked leastratings showedthe moststability, with test-retestcorrelationsof .60. Coie andKupersmidt(1983) demonstrated crosssituationalstability: When getting to know new peers,childrenquickly reestablishthe social status they hadwith familiar peers. Even though there are stability problems with some categoriesof peer acceptance,these categoriesare a useful shorthandrubric to describedifferent childrenwho enroll in socialskills programs.The following sectionsdescribecharacteristicsassociatedwith eachcategory.

9.4 Popular In a meta-analysis,Newcomb, Bukowski, and Pattee(1993) have shown that psychometrically popular children show less aggression,disruption, loneliness, and withdrawal and more problem-solvingskills, positive social interactions, and friendship skills when comparedto averageacceptedchildren. Results differ when childrenare administeredpeersociometrictechniquesversuswhen they are simply askedwho is popular(labeledas popular).Accordingto the results of Parkhurst and Hopmeyer (1998), seventhand eighth gradersnominatedas most liked were not necessarilyhigh on perceived popularity. Sociometrically popular children

Thereis much confusionamongresearchersbetweenchildrenwho aresociometricallyneglected (by peers) versus those who are classified (by adults) as withdrawn through behavioralobservationsandteacherratings.Someauthorsreport overlap(e.g., Newcombet al., 1993).Perhapsthe most definitive study to date was Harrist et al. (1997), who identified 26% of kindergartnersas socially withdrawn, basedon behavioralobservations of free-play behavior.In collecting peer ratings on all children, they noted that most sociometricallyneglectedchildren(70%) werenot classifiedaswithdrawn. Clusteranalysisof withdrawn children revealedthree groupings. The most problematicgroupingwere childrenin the active-isolatecluster, who showeda strong tendency (59%) to be rejected,whereasmost children (60-77%) in the other clusterswere either averageor popular. Bell-Dolan et al. (1995) reportedthat withdrawn-rejectedelementaryschoolgirls hadmore internalizing problems (self-report and teacher report) thanneglectedgirls (whetherwithdrawn or not). Many children with serious psychopathology,suchasautism,Asperger'ssyndrome, major depression,and anxious children would probablybe classifiedas withdrawn-rejected. Sociometrically neglectedchildren seemto have a better prognosisthan behaviorallywithdrawn children. Bell-Dolan et al. (1995) found that neglectedgirls did not evidenceany significant adjustmentproblems.Othersfind that neglectedchildrenmayhavequite positiveacademic profiles. When comparedwith averagestatus children,sociometricallyneglectedsixth andseventhgradersreportedhigherlevelsof motivation and were describedby teachersas more selfregulatedlearnersandmorecompliant(Wentzel & Asher, 1995). Neglectedchildren seem to make a fresh start in new groups and may not remain neglected(Coie & Dodge, 1983; Coie & Kupersmidt,1983).Perhapssomeneglectedchildren do not mind playing with othersbut would

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETIING THE STAGE

ratherplay alone.Thesechildren may havehigh rates of solitary constructiveplay but are rated by teachersashavingadequatesocialcompetence (Rubin, 1982). In conclusion, behavioral withdrawal, as with behavioralobservationsin general,doesn't correlate strongly with peer sociometrics.The combinationof rejection andwithdrawal seems to indicate potentially serious social problems. Withdrawn-rejectedchildrenare not withdrawn by their own choice (Rubin, Stewart,& Coplan, 1995). Care shouldbe takenin initial telephone contactswith parentsto assessif behavioralwithdrawal notedby teachersand parentsis really a personalpreferencein a child with adequate functioning in academicareas,respectfor others,andgoodquality closefriendships.Children with a personalpreferencefor solitary play may not require social skills training if there are no indicatorsof lonelinessor peer dislike.

9.6 Rejected Between12% and 19% of school-agedchildren are rejectedby their classmates(Burleson,1985; Kupersmidt, Griesler, DeRosier, Patterson,& Davis, 1995).Rejectedchildrenreportmoreloneliness than children do from any other psychometric category (Asher & Wheeler, 1985). Rejected statuscan be a relatively enduring peer response(Coie & Dodge, 1983; Coie & Kupersmidt, 1983; Tremblayet al., 1988). Children rejected by their peers in the classroombecame similarly rejectedin a play group with unfamiliar peersby the end of the first 45-minute session (Dodgeet al., 1990).Rejectedstatushasbeen shown to be predictive of a child's later social problems (Hymel, Rubin, Rowden, & LeMare, 1990; Michelson, Foster, & Ritchey, 1977; Tremblayet al., 1988), delinquency(Roff, Sells, & Golden, 1972), and adult maladjustment (Cowen,Pederson,Babigan,Izzo, & Trost, 1973). The studyby Cowenand associatesshowedthat rejectedstatusin third grade was a better predictor of life adjustmentthan a battery that included self-report, school records,and intellectual performance. Rejectedchildren have been shown to be more socially inappropriate,aggressive,anddisruptive than their peers are (Newcomb et al.,

/

47

1993; Oden, 1986). However, this may be misleading, becauserejectedboys and girls differ considerablyand evenrejectedboys are heterogeneouswith respectto other importantbehavioral characteristics. Importantsubgroupingsof rejectedboysare thosewith and without aggression.Bierman et al. (1993) employed multiple teacherand peer measures.Almost 80% of males they classified as aggressive-rejected showeda consistentprofile that includedverbalaggressionandrule violations (seeChap. 19 for a more detailedreview of aggressive-rejected children). Teachers' Conners'Inattention Scalestended to be elevated, suggestingthe influence of ADHD. Nonaggressive-rejected boys could be discriminated from the other groups by peer report as having peculiar, immature habits, behavior, or appearance,althoughonly 40% showeda common profile (Biermanet al., 1993).The resultsof Wentzel and Asher (1995) suggestthat aggressive-rejectedchildren tend to have problematic academicprofiles whereasnonaggressiverejectedchildren do not. According to Kupersmidt, DeRosier, and Patterson(1995),girls haveratesof rejectioncomparable to those of boys (12% vs. 15% in their sampleof 1,271 secondthrough fifth graders). Physical aggressiondoes not characterizemost rejectedgirls, althoughphysicallyaggressivegirls are more likely to be rejectedthan physicallyaggressiveboys (Stormshaket al., 1999), probably becausephysicalaggressionis relatively unusual in girls. Lack of researchleavesthe profile of rejectedgirls as somewhatof a mystery.

9.7 Controversial Controversialchildren receive "liked most" ratings from somechildrenand"disliked most" ratings from others, thus receiving high social impact scores and averagesocial preference scoreson peer assessments (Coie et al., 1982). Dodge(1983) andNewcombet al. (1993) reported themto be more sociablethanpopularandaverage acceptedchildren, but they tend to make hostilestatementsandplay aggressively.Controversialsixth andseventhgraderswere described by teachersas lesslikely to follow rules or learn independentlyandmorelikely to startfights than

48 /

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

averageacceptedchildren (Wentzel & Asher, 1995). Controversialchildren havemore friends thanrejectedchildren,largelybecausefriendship is more related to positive rather than negative nominationsfrom peers(Bukowski, Pizzamiglio, Newcomb,& Hoza, 1996). Johnstone,Frame,andBouman(1992) compared controversial,rejected-aggressive, and popular elementaryschool boys on physical attractiveness,athleticability, andacademicability, using peerand teacherratings. They found that in many respects,controversialboys had more resourcesthanrejected-aggressive boysdid. They were ratedby peersas equivalentto the popular boys in athletic abilities, similar to rejectedaggressiveboys in academicabilities, andfalling betweenthe two groups in physical attractiveness. Crick and Grotpeter(1995) notedthat controversial children employ relational aggression more than other peer statusgroups.They measured relational aggressionby soliciting peer nominationsof childrenin the classwho: (a) exclude others from their group out of anger, (b) tell childrentheywill stopliking themunlessthey do what they say, and (c) ignore people when mad at them. In order for relational aggression to be effective, the perpetratorhasto be liked by some peers,thus explaining the greaterprevalence amongsociometricallycontroversialchildren. The study also found many similarities betweenrelational aggressionamonggirls and physical aggressionamong boys (Crick, 1995, 1996; Crick & Grotpeter,1995, 1996). Resultsare contradictorywith regardto the stability of controversialstatus.Parkeet al. (1997) reportedsexdifferencesin developmentaltrajectories of children classified as controversialin kindergartenthrough secondgrade: Most controversial first-gradeboys were ratedas rejected in secondgrade,whereasmostcontroversialfirstgradegirls wereratedasaveragein secondgrade. Newcomband Bukowski (1984) found only 41% of fifth-grade boys and girls classifiedas controversial remainedso for 1 month, and none remainedso for the 2-yearstudyperiod. However, one long-term follow-up study found that the controversialcategoryhad predictive power for girls. Underwood,Kupersmidt,and Coie (1996), following 226 girls, found that controversial fourth-gradegirls were more likely to become

pregnantin their teens.Perhapsthis categoryis more significant for older girls.

9.8 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Children referred for outpatient treatmentfor friendship problems are heterogeneouswith respectto presentation.The vastmajority of children will be boys who would fall in the sociometrically rejectedcategory. They will typically presentwith eitherverbalor physicalaggression or varying degreesof peculiarities.The peerstatus of thesechildren is unlikely to changewithout intervention.In contrast,neglectedandwithdrawn children are extremely variable in their need for intervention. It is likely that evidence of psychopathology(anxiety,depression,shyness, autism spectrumdisorder) is a better clue as to the stability of their peerproblemsand the need for interventionandthusthe needfor a diagnostic workup. Some children may have less needfor peerinteractionandmaybe quite contentto play alone for much of their time even though they haveadequatesocial skills. It is likely that intervention is not necessaryfor thesechildren. Regardlessof the presentationof the child, many parentsfeel that rejectedchildren either will "grow out of it" or will be acceptedin a new peergroup. Someparentsmayblametheir child's presentpeergroup, ratherthan focusingon the behavioralcausesfor their child's rejection. We havefound that it is instructivefor parentsto be familiar with someof the researchjust described (andfor groupleadersto be familiar with all of the describedresearch,in caseparentshavequestions). Despite having the same observedprevalenceof peerproblems,girls are referredfor social skills training at a muchlower rate thanboys are. This may result from girls' peer groups being moretolerantof socialineptnessthanthe peer groupsof boys,or girls' peerproblemsbeingsubtler, as in the use of relational aggressionrather than overt physical aggression.Girls are also more likely to drop out beforetreatmentbegins. We recentlyfound evidence(Frankel,2002a)that mothersof girls who have social problemsmay themselveshavemoresocialproblemsthanmothers of boys with social problems.This may be a factor in etiology and dropoutrates.

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETTINGTHE STAGE /

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Your dealingswith parentshave focusedon social deficits. Parentsare worried about how the group will affect their child. Someparentsfear contagionof bad behaviorbetweenother group participantsand their child, andothersare hoping their child will not fail in this group. Regardlessof how concertedthe attemptsareto prepare parentsfor participationin this group,the group is likely to be different than what they have experiencedbefore. Some parentsmight expect that this is similar to a school classroomwhere they can take the teacheraside and try to get specialconsiderationfor their children, perhaps influencingthe curriculum. Otherparentsmight expectthat the classwill dealwith feelingsrather than teachskills. However,most parentsshould quickly becomecomfortablewithin the structure providedby the class.

In This Session The purposeof this sessionis to guide participant expectationsto a fruitful path for the next 12 sessions.This is accomplishedby conveying reasonableexpectationsfor treatmentto the parents and children and a clear understandingof the methodsand goals of the program.The parents will invariably needmore specific instruction on this than the children will. One crucial goal of this session(which sets the tone for all the subsequentsessions)is to discourageany complaints or negative talk parentsmay have abouthow hard their children are to manageor how socially inept their children are. The expectation should also be set that parentsexamine the part thatthey canplay to improvetheir child's peerrelationships.Groupleadersshouldearnthe confidenceof parentsby demonstratingthat the proceduresbeing taught have proven success, andthat the leaderswill not allow deviationfrom the plannedcurriculum. Children should come to expect that althoughthereis work to be done,they will havea good time, that nothing in the classwill be too hard for them, that the leaders(ratherthan disruptive children) arein control of the group,and that theywill learnaboutrelationshipswith other

49

children. Group leadersshould not encourage participantsto develop friendships with each other, as this will detractfrom the group focus, which is to developskills to form new friendships in their own schoolsand neighborhoods.

Parent Session Plan 1 Initial Gathering The main focus of the initial gatheringof parents and children in this sessionis to hold participants, inevitably arriving at staggeredtimes, so that they all startinstructiontogether.It is not beneficialto have parentsspendtoo much time talking to eachotherinformally beforetherehas beenan opportunityto seta positivetonefor the session.The reasonfor this is that someparents will want to begin "swapping" negativeexperiencesabouttheir child asa way of handlingtheir own nervousnessand to gain support. Other parentsmay want to be in specialfavor with the group leaders.Keep parentsbusy so that they don't engagein this behavioruntil theylearnthat the group will have a positive focus and no one will be treateddifferently. 1. Before parentsarrive, make sure chairs are arrangedin "horseshoe"shapearounda table (groupleadersits in the openendof the horseshoe).Havetelephonerosterandplannedabsencesheetson the table. 2. Say hello to participantsas they arrive but avoid gettinginto extendedconversations,saying that you will startwheneveryonearrives. 3. Have each parent and child fill out a name tag in large print and have them put it in a visible place on their chests.Group leaders should wear name tags as well. Children should not use name tags humorously (i.e., writing made-upnicknamesinsteadof their name). 4. As participantsare arriving, takeattendance. Don't wait longer than 10 minutes after the scheduledstartof the sessionto get underway. S. The sessionsformally beginwhenthe children line up and are led out of the room. 6. Collect plannedabsencesheets.Check for holidays or other occasionsin which many classmembersmay miss a session. 7. Checkaccuracyof telephonerosterswith par-

50

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

ents. Make correctionsas they are needed. Caution parentson limits of confidentiality in a group situation. They should not share anythingaboutsomeoneelsein the groupthat will identify them. Potential Problems

Arriving Late and Flustered Someparentsmay arrive late andbe flusteredat the adversitythey came upon in getting to the first session.Group leaderswon't have time to comfort parents.It sets a good precedentthat "the classmust go on" (not to mentionthat it is goodsocialskill for parentsnot to disrupta working group with their own woes).

Parent Cross-Talk Some parentswill get into an interesting (to them) conversationthat continuesafter the group leaderstarts.Don't let this continue.The group leadershouldinterrupt the cross-talkand make surehe or shehas everyone'sattention.

Planningto Miss SubstantialNumbersof Sessions During the intake session,parentsof an 8-yearold boy were enthusiasticabout the class and committedto the 12 sessions.However,whenthe first sessionstarted,they indicatedthe last four sessionsas plannedabsences.The group leader noticed this and took the parentsaside, saying quietly to them that their sonwould miss a major part of the program.When the group leader suggestedtheyhold backstartinguntil theycould commit to all sessions,the parentsassuredhim that they would come. Subsequently,they only missedone of the last four sessions.

Child Writes Silly Nameon NameTag A third-grade boy smilingly wrote a nickname he clearly had just madeup on his nametag, in an apparentattempt to establishhimself as a "classclown." The groupleaderaskedhis parent if that was the namehe actually went by. When the parent said "no," the group leaderhad the

parenthelp him write his actualnameon the tag.

Initial Introductions [After the children leave to start the child session, brief parentintroductionsprovide beneficial initial structureto the group]. 1. Have the parentssaytheir child's name,their name,their child's gradeand age, and what they like best about their child. If they say negativethings (speakabouttheir child's diagnosis,etc.), refocus them to say just what was asked.1 2. Briefly summarize(no morethana few words) what eachparentlikes bestabouttheir child after he or shesaysit. When all parentshave finished, summarizethe age range of the group and state this as the reasonthey are groupedtogether. 3. Talk aboutthe program:It's beengiven to over 800 children,startingin 1989; 90% of parents report somebenefits; 70% of teachersreport improvement;80% of children with low selfesteemhavehigher measuredself-esteemafter the group is over. 4. Give the rationalefor collectingpre and post data: to give parent feedbackon the degree of improvement;to monitor quality control of the class;to assesschangesin the program. 5. Briefly summarizehow children in popular/ accepted,neglected,and rejectedcategories areassessed (liked mostandliked leastnominationsfrom a roster). 6. Saythat childrenwho are labeledby peersas popularare not necessarilymost liked. Children who are most liked are viewed as kind and trustworthy,whereaschildrenlabeledas popularareviewedasdominantor "stuckup." Children who remainwithdrawn at Grade2 andwho werewithdrawnin eitherkindergarten or first gradeareat particularrisk for selfesteemand friendship problems. Children who are rejectedby peerstend to remain so in the absenceof treatment.They arerejected becauseof their behavior:They are no fun to play with andfrequentlyhavea negativerepuWe find this structurechangesthe tone of the sessions from complainingaboutchildrento emphasizingstrengths. There is no discussionor emphasison diagnostic or behavioral criteria-thesearen't "bad" children. 1

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETIING THE STAGE

tation among their peers.When these children have best friends, the friendship tends to be of a poorerquality. 7. Say that researchshowsthat withdrawn and rejectedchildrendiffer from accepted/popular childrenin how theyapproachsomekey situations. Groupleaderswill be teachingchildren how to behavein eachof thesekey situations. 8. If a child is rejected, he or she may have a negativereputationin school.Otherchildren will hold onto this for a few months,evenif a child doesn'tdo anythingto injure his or her reputation.Group leaderswill be telling parentshow to dealwith this assessionsprogress.

ParentHandouts The group leaderguide below containsall informationon the parenthandoutandparentassignment (in regular type) and commentsfor group leadersto add [in italics and brackets]. The goals and limitations handoutis self-contained.Read each point, pausingonce in a while to ask for questions.During the presentationof the handout, parentsbegin to react in a mannercharacteristic of their participation throughout all sessions.Two typical patternsare as follows.

QuietAssimilationof Concepts Parentslisten attentively, but generally do not raise any questionswhen materialis presented. The moreintellectualparentsmay askquestions (sometimes quiteesoteric). Surprisingly, these parentsdon't usually ask questionsabout their own child. Pursuingquestionsaboutresearchor generatingdiscussionamongparentsat this point will not be productivefor the parents.

ActiveWorkingGroup Parentsask relevantquestionsthat clearly indicate they are thinking abouthow to accomplish the assignment.A few parentswill attempt to anticipateandunderstandall of the details.They will ask for clarification as you review eachpart of the assignment.Somegroupleaderspreferthis type of group-theypresentas more actively engaged-whereas others may view this group as morechallenging.We havenot observedoutcome

/

51

to be different for the two types of groups (although we haven't testedthis empirically) and don't believe that group leadersneed be concernedaboutthis difference.

Group LeaderGuide to ParentHandoutSession1: Goals and Limitations Goals of the Children'sFriendshipClass 1. To help your child make and keep friends. 2. To help you more effectively support your child's efforts at finding suitablefriends. 3. To help you more effectively support your child's ability to makenewacquaintances and developclosefriendships. Methods 1. Your child will be askedto bring in gamesthat he or shemight want to play with friends. We will coachhim or her in their appropriateuse. 2. At eachsession,brief instructionwill be given to your child on how to handlea difficult social situation. 3. Your child will be encouragedto rehearsethe skill beingtaughtandwill be coachedduring this practice. 4. Your child will be given homework assignmentseveryweekin orderto tryout skills in situationsthat arelikely to help. [Mention the homeworksheetyou will go overafter this handout, which will havemore specificson the homework assignmentfor next session.] 5. We have developeda series of preplanned sessions.Our researchshowsthat most children need all of thesesessionsin the order we give them. 6. The purposeof the parentgroupis to give you suggestionsas to how best to supportyour child's homeworkefforts. This will be a "how do I get my child to do the homeworkclass," not a "parentsupportgroup." [Mention that many parentsfind this group boring at first becausethe handoutsare read aloud. This is to ensure that parentsabsorbvital information.] Limitations of the Class:What Not to Expect 1. That all your child's problemswill be solved asa resultof participationin this class.[Ask if any parentswerethinkingthis beforestartingthe class (a meagerattemptat humor).]

52

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

2. Thatyour child's attitudeandfriendshipswill changeimmediately. 3. That your child's social skills will improve without regular, promptattendanceand attempts to do homeworkassignments.[Give the following account: If a child is 10 minuteslate, he or shemissesthe homeworkreview; 20 minuteslate and he or shemissesthe teachingpart of the session and enters the play portion of the session bewildered. Also, missingmore than three sessions dramatically decreasesthe chance of the child'sfriendshipsimproving.Mention that there is no opportunity to provide "makeup" discussionsof material that was presentedduring their missedsessions.Parentsmustget this on the next sessionfrom other parents'reports of homework completion.] 4. That your child's social skills will improve without your active encouragement and support for his or her efforts to do assignments on his/herown. [Mention that parentsmakesure what is taught in sessiongets usedat homeand in school.If parentsdon't attemptto get their child to do homework,the chanceof the child's friendships improving decreasesdramatically. Advise the parentsthat we won't be giving parentsfeedback on how their child did in sessionsafter the group is over. This is unimportant.Instead,the parentswill begiving usfeedbackon how the child usedthe skills at homeeachweek.] 5. That we will changeour sessionplans.These sessionshave beenshown to help most children the way they are presented. 6. That your child will make lasting friendships from this class.The purposeof this classis to tryout new things first before trying them out at schooland at home.

Parentsarecautionednot to follow through on play dates that children may want to makewith other children in this classuntil after the 12 sessionsare over. [Mention that this includes any social contact between families currently in the classtogether.No family dinnersor playing togetheroutsideimmediately after a sessionis over. The children may want to do it. Tell parentsit's our policy that this doesn'thappenuntil after Session12, even if children knew and played with each other beforethe group started.]

Potential Problem

Out-oj-SessionSocial ContactsAmong Group Members We initially suggestedagainst(ratherthanprohibited, as is now the case)play datesor othersocial contact betweengroup members.Well before play dateswereintroducedin sessions(andwithout consulting us), parentsof two boys in the group arrangeda play date. As is typical of the errors parentsmake, the host's mom went off shoppingandleft both boyswith a non-Englishspeakingmaid. The boys playedin the pool and duringan argument,oneboy held the otherboy's headunderwaterfor a long periodof time. When they came into the next session,the boys were angrywith eachother andwouldn't talk to each other. The parentswere also enragedover the play-dateincident.Theyblamedeachother.They expectedus to take classtime to resolve the issue (time that would not havebeenspentteaching the whole class items on the agenda).The boys andparentscontinuedto be angrythrough the remainingsessions.Socialcontactoutsidethe classis seenas counterproductivefor the following additionalreasons: 1. It may make children and parentswho are geographicallyinaccessiblefeel "left out." 2. It may put unnecessarypressureon children to be friendswith eachotherevenif theydon't like eachother. 3. It may add an atmosphereof competition among class membersto see who can be friends first. 4. Children who share the same psychopathology generallymakevery poor friendswhich each other: Children with ADHD behave much worse in pairs than individually; children with ASD may "feed" into eachother's odditiesand make them more pronounced.

Review of Homework Handout This assignmentsetsthe mechanicsof the phone call in place: Parentsof the pair of children assignedto call eachotherare to work out the date and time of the call beforeleavingthe session(a rudimentarynetworkingskill that someparents need to learn). Some parentswill expect their

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETIING THE STAGE

child to havea perfectphonecall on the very first time. Group leadersare to attemptto avert this by setting the expectationthat children will often have a brief uneventful phone call and will generallybe clumsy about it. Parentsshould be reassuredthat the finer points of theseinteractions will evolvethroughoutsubsequent sessions.

Group LeaderGuide to Parent Assignment-Due on Sessions2-6 GOALS 1. To provide an opportunity for your child to practiceconversationalskills learnedin class. 2. To assistyour child in the appropriatesocial useof gameshe or shehaswithin play groups.

At the end of every session:Your child has beenassigneda phonecall with a classmember. Get togetherwith the other child and his or her parentsand set day and time for the call. [Tell parentsthis will happenbeforetheyleavethe session.] At the time of the call: 1. It is your job to get your child to the phoneat the time you arrangedwith the other child's parent.It is your child's job to usewhat she/ he haslearnedduring the call. 2. Setrulesfor acceptablebehavioron telephone. a. The child mustbe readyto makeor receive the call. b. The child must understandwhat he is expectedto do on the telephone-assure this by asking your child to recite what is to happenand how she or he is to treat the other child (no silly stuff on phone, just say hello and ask about the other child's day). c. Justprior to the call, agreewith your child on the length of the call, if necessary. 3. Make sure there are no distractionsand no othersin the room. If your child is the one to call then seethat the call is made;if waiting for a call that is delayed,haveyour child make the call after 20 minutesof waiting. 4. Othersare not to listen in while your child is on the phone.However,leavethe room slowly enoughto ensurethat your child is takingthe assignmentseriously.Parentsare to continue to listen in on the call until it is completed.

/

53

We will ask you to report on it the following week.

[Tell parents,"Your missionwill be accomplished this weekif the children simply connectand havea five-minutephonecall, in which they behaveappropriately. The expectationsfor thesephonecalls will increaseeach week."Ask if any parent anticipatesa problemwith their child talking too long on the phone. If yes, then havethem tell their child that the phone call should not be longer than 15 minutes(or any length the parentconsidersas reasonable).Askif any parent has any type of call blocking, answeringservice, or usesan answeringmachineto screencalls that would prevent the calling child from getting through.] Beforeeachfriendship class: Haveyour child selecta toy to bring in next time that he or she can play well and that he or she would be likely to play with whenmeetingotherchildren at playgroundsetc. This must be a toy with which at leasttwo children canplay, that almost everyonewill know how to play. We will be using this to help him or her learnhow to play more appropriatelywith other children in group situations.Goodtoys: basketball,soccerball,Nerfball, Frisbee,handball,tennisball. Childrenarenot to bring anyof the following typesof toys: Dangerous/aggressive toys: martial arts toys, SuperSoakers,water balloons. Solitary/parallelplay: books, skateboards, toy guns. Too good a toy: expensivetoy that will upset the child if lost or damaged. Children are not to bring in anythingelse to sharewith the class-nocandy,artwork, or other toys.

[Have eachparentto think of a toy and tell you what it is. This is donein casetheir child can't think of any toy to bring at the end-of-sessionreunification.] Potential Problems

Child Reachesthe AnsweringMachine or Service This has becomean increasingproblemin this day of telephonetechnology.The additional

54 /

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

layer of bureaucracythat potential friends have to go through is either off-putting to some childrenor showyto others.To avoid this, the group leadershouldhaveparentsensurethat the number on the telephoneroster is one that directly reachesthe child.

Child Cannot Get Through Becauseof Caller ID Blocking Onechild trying to makehis homeworkcall kept getting a busy signal. After 10 minutes of sorting out the problem in the next session,it was clear that the caller ID function of the receiving family's phonewas blocking the ability of the calling child to completethe call. This warranteddisablingthis featureat the time the next in-group call was scheduled.One wondershow difficult this would be for potentialfriends who are facedwith a similar complication.

Child Session Plan 1 On the Way to the Child SessionRoom Praisechildren for following rules on the way to the child sessionroom: Walk together,quietly; no running; no bouncingballs indoors; and no touching others.As they seatthemselves,write their namesin one column on the board with room for stars to be addedthroughoutthe session.

Didactic Children needto expectthat they will have fun (the "prime directive" of children) while also learning vital skills. However, out of necessity, the focus for the first sessionshould be on setting rules and maintainingorder. Review Table 6 for behaviorcontrol techniques. 1. Announcethe rules of session: Do: Raiseyour hand. Don't: Try to make friends when any teacher is talking-children don't like to hang aroundwith someonewho is disrespectful of adults. Don't: Try to be silly beforeyou know someone-theymight think you're making fun of them.

2. Say that starsare given for good sportsmanship, doing homeworkand good answersto the group leader'squestions.Announcethat earningstars as a group will contribute to a betterparty for Session12. 3. Ask, "If Mary earnsan extra-creditstar,is she helpingherselfor the group?"Answer: "Both. Extra credit helpsthe whole groupby improving our party." 4. Say that the party will be during Session12 when they will have treats, pizza, drinks, watch a videotapeof their choosing, and "graduate." 5. Tell the children they will spendabout half the time of eachsessionin this room, until all of the group discussionis done. The rest of the time will be spentplaying. 6. Reviewthe elementsof goodcommunication Do: speakloud enoughto be heardandmaintain appropriatephysicaldistance. Don't: Brag about yourself, act silly, or tell things that are too personal. 7. The group leadermodelsincorrectvoice volume (whisperingandshouting)andinappropriate body boundaries(getting too close or too far away) andaskschildrenwhat the other personwould think if someonedoesthis. 8. Teach the elementsof good communication by having children turn to the child next to themandintroducethemselves:"Tell the person sitting next to you your name, age and whereyou go to school." 2 9. Praisewhat was donecorrectlyor instructthe child to, for example,"turn up the volume," asnecessary.Correctchildrenwho violate the "Don'ts."

Homework Assignment The homework assignmentis made before the children sample the real play activity. Group membersalternatebetweenbeing "the caller" and"the receiver"over successiveweekson these phonecalls so that they have the opportunityto practiceboth setsof skills. 1. Assign eachchild another(same-sex)child in the group to call. Tell them that their job for 2 Introductionscome after the group rules are set because some children will violate group rules during this part of the session.

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETIINGTHE STAGE /

this week is to find out what the other child did that day and report back to group next week. 2. Tell children that next week they will "Bring their thing"-an outsidetoy to be usedto get acquaintedwith new children.Go over guidelines: An outsidegamethat canbe sharedby two or morechildren.No violent games(guns) or provocative games (water pistols, Nerf guns)or solitaryactivities (books).Don't bring a cherishedtoy becauseit maybe lost or damaged.Go aroundthe room andaskeachchild what he or shewill bring for next time. Potential Problems

Trying to Make a NegativeImpression During Introductions When it was his turn to introduce himself, a fourth-gradeboy said, "It's a wasteof time to introducemyself. Peoplewon't want to get to know me. Nobody likes me." The group leaderasked, "Are you sureeverybodyin your schoolis thinking this?" The boy replied, "Well three kids I know of and I'm not sure about the rest." The groupleadersaid,"Let's practicefor the rest" and the boy complied.

55

NegativeResponseto In-Group Call Assignment Boys typically areafraid theywon't haveanything to talk about. Sometimesthey attemptto dodge the assignmentby sayingthat the child they are assignedto call is "geeky" or "weird." The group leader puts an end to this with the reply, "It's your homework,just like anyhomeworkassigned at school." Warnings,followed by timeouts,are administeredto groupmemberswho makestatements such as, "Oh no! I don't want to have to call him or her!"

Too Busyfor Homework In responseto the homeworkassignment,a fifthgrade boy pulled out a "day planner" and in a loud voice announced"No cando. I'm all booked this week." When the boy's motherwas advised of this, she said, "Let me seeyour planner."Insteadof supportingthe group leader'scontention that thereshouldbe enoughtime to do the group homework,the motherstatedto her son, "Boy, you are really busy this week." Mom was told that it was necessaryto work out a time for this assignmentandeachsucceedingassignment or therewould be little benefitto their participation in the group.

Too Much Self-Disclosure One11-year-oldboy repliedduringintroductions, "I'm the one that got kicked out of school, I'm the kid that gets into fights." The group leader replied, "When you're first gettingto know each other,you don't want to tell too muchaboutyourself. Justkeepit simpleandsaythingsaboutyourself that other peoplewould like to hear."

UnknowinglyCritical of Others One 9-year-old boy with Asperger'sdisorder pointed out wheneveranotherchild did things wrong. The group leadertold him that it was his job to figure out only what he was doing incorrectly. After beinggiven a time out for persisting with this behavior,he stoppedpointingout other children'smistakesandbecamemorefocusedon his own behaviors.

Real Play Usually thereis only a little time to play outside during the first 1-hour session.Enough time shouldbe allowed to take the childrenout to the play area,discussthe rules getting to and from the area(no running,walk in line, maintainquiet in the hallways),and playafew minutesof Capture the Flag. The primary point of this gameis to begin a shift in focus that emphasizesletting everyonehavefun ratherthan concentratingon who wins the game. The outside area should be shown to the children and if thereis time, they shouldhavea quick gameof Capturethe Flag. 1. Statethe rulesfor gettingto andfrom the play deck (no bouncingballs if in a building, walk quietly and staytogether).

56

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

2. Keepin mind: Rule violationsget oneprompt and then a time out on the play deck (missing play time for 1 minute). 3. See"Rules for Capturethe Flag." 4. Have children line up at the end of the real play segment.When they are all in line have them return to the parentroom. 5. If a child is at a disadvantage(e.g., one child has two numbersto cover), praise the child and give the child a star for handlingthis inequitywell. Note that childrenneverget stars for scoring.Whenthe child scores,the leader acknowledgesthe success,but doesn'trecord it as a point or keep scorein any way.

PotentialProblems

Odd Numberof Children If onesideof Capturethe Flaghasmorechildren, a child on the side with fewer children will be assignedtwo numbers.Note that adultsarenever to play with the children.

ing step 3. Being actively engagedwith parent and child during this portion of the sessionsupports the messagethat the homeworkis important. Groupleadershavean early opportunityto correct parenterrors before they becomeincorporatedinto patternsof resistance. 1. Announceto parentsandchildren,"Todaywe worked on havinga conversationwith someone on the telephone.I sawa lot of goodtelephone behavior in this group. Let's all give the children a big roundof applausefor their effort." 2. The child leaderreadsoff the in-group telephone-callassignmentsone by one. He tells the children to come up with an outsidetoy to bring next week. 3. The child leaderand coachesgo to eachparent and child and check to make sure they have a toy in mind to bring for next session (child and parent select this toy to fit the guidelines).

PotentialProblems

Opting Out of Play An 8-year-oldboy was accidentallypushedduring the game. His reaction was to start crying and walk away. By disengagingand taking himself out of the play situation,he "loseshis place" andhaschangedthe situationfrom onein which he is incorporatedinto play to one in which he will later have to regain entry (a more difficult situation).It is often a "ticket out" of an uncomfortable situationfor a child who feels awkward. After quickly checking that there was no injury, the group leaderignored the crying and instructedhim to immediatelyget back into the game. The boy quickly reengagedand stopped crying (probablybecausehe becameengrossed in play andforgot hewascrying). The importance of the inadvertent"push" was also minimized becausethis is a commonoccurrencein any athletic play activity.

End-of-SessionReunification The important part of this portion is the brief individual attentionthe group leadergives dur-

ImpatientParent Onemotherbecameimpatientin makingthe ingroupcall arrangementbecausethe motherwith whom she was to coordinatehad two assigned calls to schedule.This can occur when there is an unevennumberof group participantsat that particularsessionanda "double-duty"phoneassignmentis made. She startedto leave, telling her husband,"Let's leaveandcall her later." The group leader intervenedand said the mother neededto wait and do this now.

Inappropriate Toy A fourth-grade boy with Asperger'sdisorder agreedwith his motherto bring a Frisbeefor the next session.However,he said that his dog had chewedit andwantedto know if it would be OK to bring the Frisbeeeven if it was chewedup. The group leaderreplied to the parentthat now is a good time to purchasea new Frisbee.

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETIING THE STAGE

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 1 GoalsandLimitations GOALS OF THE CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIPCLASS 1. To help your child makeand keepfriends.

2. To help you more effectively supportyour child's efforts at finding suitablefriends. 3. To help you more effectively supportyour child's ability to makenew acquaintances and developclosefriendships. METHODS 1. Your child will be askedto bring in gamesthat he or shemight want to play with friends.

2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

We will coachhim or her in their appropriateuse. Each session,brief instruction will be given to your child on how to handle a difficult socialsituation. Your child will be encouragedto rehearsethe skill beingtaughtand will be coachedduring this practice. Your child will be given homeworkassignmentsevery week in order to tryout skills in situationsthat are likely to help. We have developeda seriesof preplannedsessions.Our researchshowsthat most children needall of thesesessionsin the order we give them. The purposeof the parentgroupis to give you suggestionsas to how bestto supportyour child's homework efforts. This will be a "how do I get my child to do the homework class,"not a "parentsupportgroup."

LIMITATIONS OF THE CLASS: WHAT NOT TO EXPECT 1. That all your child's problemswill be solvedas a result of participationin this class.

2. That your child's attitudeand friendshipswill changeimmediately. 3. That your child's social skills will improvewithout regular, prompt attendanceand attempts to do homeworkassignments. 4. That your child's social skills will improve without your active encouragement and support for his or her efforts to do assignmentson his or her own. 5. That we will changeour sessionplans. Thesesessionshave been shown to help most children the way they are presented. 6. Thatyour child will makelastingfriendshipsfrom this class.The purposeof this classis to tryout new things first beforetrying them out at schooland at home. Parentsare cautionednot to follow throughon play datesthat children may want to makewith other childrenin this classuntil after the 12 sessionsare over.

/

57

58

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentAssignment-Givenon Session1 Due on Sessions2-6

GOALS:

1. To providean opportunityfor your child to practiceconversationalskills learnedin

class. 2. To assistyour child in the appropriatesocial usesof gameshe or shehaswithin play groups.

At the end of every session: Your child hasbeenassigneda phonecall with a classmember.Get togetherwith the other child and his or her parentsand set day and time for the call.

At the time of the call: 1. It is your job to get your child to the phoneat the time you arrangedwith the otherchild's parent.It is your child's job to usewhat she/hehaslearnedduring the call. 2. Set rules for acceptablebehavioron telephone. (a) The child must be readyto make or receivethe call. (b) The child mustunderstandwhat he is expectedto do on the telephone-ensure this by askingyour child to recite what is to happenand how she or he is to treat the other child (no silly stuff on phone,just say hello and ask aboutthe other child's day). (c) Justprior to the call, agreewith your child on the length of the call, if necessary. 3. Make surethereare no distractionsand no othersin the room. If your child is the one to call thenseethat the call is made;if waiting for a call that is delayed,haveyour child make the call after 20 minutesof waiting. 4. Others are not to listen in while your child is on the phone. However, leave the room slowly enoughto ensurethat your child is taking the assignmentseriously.Parentsare to continueto listen in on the call until it is completed.We will ask you to report on it the following week. Before eachfriendshipclass: Haveyour child selecta toy to bring in next time that he or shecanplay with well and that he or shewould be likely to play with when meetingother children at playgrounds,etc. This must be a toy with which at leasttwo childrencan play, that almosteveryonewill know how to play. We will be using this to help him or her learn how to play more appropriatelywith other children in group situations. Good toys-basketball,soccerball, Nerfball, Frisbee,handball,tennisball.

Children are not to bring any of the following typesof toys: Dangerous/aggressive toys-martialarts toys, SuperSoakers,water balloons. Solitary/parallelplay-books,skateboards,toy guns. Too gooda toy-expensivetoy that will upsetthe your child if lost or damaged. Childrenarenot to bring in anythingelseto sharewith the class-nocandy,artwork or othertoys.

INTRODUCTORY SESSION/SETIING THE STAGE

Children's Friendship Training Rules for Capture the Flag Child Session1

GatherChildren 1. A blackboarderaseror other similar sizedobjectis the "flag" and placedin the middle of the field. 2. The playing field is a square10 m x 10 m. On eachof two oppositesides,write numbers 1 through half the total number of children. Each side gets assignedthe same numbers. Assign Sides 3. Divide children into two equalteamsand haveeachchild standon a team number.In the event of an unevennumber of children, one of the children can be assignedto cover two numbers(i.e., "Jeff, you are going to be number4 and number5."). Tell GameFules 4. A point is scoredwhen: • A child is able to grabthe"flag" andtakeit backto his sidewithout beingtouchedby anyonefrom the other side; or • The child tags a child on the other teamwho has the "flag" before the other child returnsto his or her side. Start the Game 5. The group leadercalls one, two, or threenumbers(i.e., "Numbers2 and 4" or "Numbers1, 3, and 5"). Sometimesthe groupleaderwill call a numbernot on the field (i.e., "24" or "16") to insurethe children'scontinuedattentionandto promotea fun aspect of the game. 6. To avoid the commonerror of a child simply grabbingthe "flag" and getting immediately tagged,the groupleaderhasthe childrentake a turn in slow motion, so that they can seethe benefit of beingmore "tricky" and utilizing teamwork. Core Instruction 7. At the halfway point of the real play segment,switch half the childrenbetweenthe two teams,bringing homethe conceptthat havingfun is important,not winning or keeping score. Debriefingat End of Game 8. After this segmentis over, havethe children get into a huddlefor debriefingwith the following questions: • Why wasn'tI keepingscore?(Answer: The scoreisn't the most importantthing. It's more importantto havea good time.) • Why did I switch playersbetweenboth of the teams?(Answer: So kids get to play with otherkids. It paysto treatthe othersidewell becausesometimestheywill be on your teamor it might be up to them to pick you to be on their team.)

/

59

Conversational Skills

Treatment Rationale

not differ from adolescentsin their ratingsof intimacy of their friendships (Buhrmester,1990; Bukowski & Hoza,1989).Zarbatany,Hartmann, and Rankin (1990) had fifth- and sixth-grade childrengeneratediariesof peeractivities. Over 85% took placein the absenceof adults.Most of their time was spent conversingdirectly with peers;next was"hangingout," followed by walking to school and conversingon the telephone. Theyfound that conversationshelpedto enhance relationshipsand a senseof belonging.

The first task for anyonefirst meetingsomeone with whom they would like to be friends is to searchfor common-groundactivities. This involves sharingthe conversationand listening to others.Many rejectedchildrenmay be no better at sharingconversationsthanthey areat sharing activities and toys. They may dominatethe conversationor fail to maintainits flow. The primary treatmenthypothesisfor this sessionis that teaching themhow to shareandto give andget useful information from a conversation,togetherwith teachingparentshow to monitor their child's conversations,will improvetheir ability to search for common-groundtopics and activities with potentialplaymates.

10.2 Problemsin Conversation Three problems plague the conversationsof friendlesschildren: poorintimacyregulation,low rates of "social" conversation,and inadequate information query skills. Dodge et al. (1990) found low ratesof socialconversationto be characteristic of rejected children. Little is known aboutconversationalstylesof neglectedchildren, exceptthat neglectedchildrenwere comparable to rejectedchildren in feeling less companionship with their best friends (Patterson, Kupersmidt, & Greisler, 1990). Our clinical observationssuggestthat withdrawnchildrenmay have difficulty in maintaining the flow of conversationswhereasrejectedchildren may have problemsin sharingthe conversation.

10.1 Importanceof ConversationalSkills Conversationalskills that enhanceintimacy may developquite early and earlier amonggirls than boys (Buhrmester& Furman,1987). As early as 6 to 7 yearsold, childrenknow more aboutsimilarities and differenceswith their close friends than they know about acquaintances(Ladd & Emerson,1984). Conversationalskills that regulate intimacyareprobablyfully functionalbefore children reach adolescence:Preadolescents do

60

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS

Research on Conversational Problems

10.3 Intimacy Regulation Effectiveintimacy regulation is defined as the increasein personaldisclosureonly with repeated contact and receptivity by the partner. Altman and Taylor (1973) developed"social penetration theory," which describedstagesin developing friendshipsamongadults. Furman (1987) drew parallelsbetweenAltman and Taylor's research and the developmentof children'sfriendships. According to this theory, children regulatehow intimate their exchangesare, dependingon the phaseof their relationships.Examplesof poor intimacyregulationarewhena child immediately tells othersof his or her inpatientpsychiatricexperienceor tells othershe or she gets in trouble at school. Not only is this inappropriatein emphasizingnegativebehaviors,but it violates social norms by gettingtoo personaltoo fast.

10.4 Defining Social Conversation We define social conversationas an exchangeof information,with positiveaffect, which is meant to promotecloserrelationships.Initially, children needto focus on informationexchangeof superficial aspectsdescribingwhat they like and dislike. They needto avoid evaluatingeach other, especiallyin a negativelight, and needto avoid telling eachother what to do (Doyle, Connolly, & Rivest, 1980; Furman, 1987). This processis learned very early by many children. Unacquaintedpreschoolchildren who were starting to know eachother askedmore questionsabout their partnersand gavemore information about themselvesOormakka,1976, cited in Furman, 1987}. In contrast,Black and Hazen (1990) reportedthat rejectedchildrendidn't closelyattend to the information providedin the conversation of others. Consequently,they lacked conversational responsivenessand maintenanceof relevanceduring conversationaldiscourse(Asher, 1983; Putallaz,1983).

/

61

10.5 ConversationalDominanceVersus Information Exchange Severalstudiessupportour observationthat rejected children dominate conversationswith a peer and lack information exchangeand query skills. Rejectedchildrentendedto dominateconversationswith best friends when comparedto popular children (Austin & Draper, 1984). This was especiallycharacteristicof children with ADHD. Kim (1999) found that children with ADHD didn't respondto their conversational partner'squestionsor requestsand frequently interruptedtheir partner.Dishion, Andrews,and Crosby (1995) found that giving directives and commands(indicative of conversationaldominance) correlatednegatively with relationship satisfactionand was especiallyevident in the conversationsof aggressiveboys with their friends. Gottman, Gonso, and Rasmussen(1975) demonstratedthat acceptedchildren were better at informationqueryskills thanrejectedchildren (we refer to theseskills in our programas "two-way conversations").Information query skills can put a child in an information-gathering modethat mayheightenthe child's attention to the speakerand focus the child on information he or sheneedsto plan and sustaininteractions. Children are also likely to be favorably impressedwhen a peer demonstratesenough interestin themto askappropriatepersonalquestions. Furman(1987) observedthis processin third graders.They found that childrenfirst gettingto know eachothersharedinformationaboutthemselves and asked about their playmate. Unacquainted children voiced less disapprovaland commandsthanacquaintedchildrendid. According to Furman,girls werebetterthanboysin sharing informationaboutthemselves,whereasboys were more interestedin playing than sharing information.Anotherway toview this is thatgirls andboysare gatheringthe informationmostrelevant to how they sustaininteractions.Girls at this age sustaininteractionsmore throughtalking than boys do, whereasboys sustaininterac-

62

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

tions more throughplay thangirls do (cf. Frankel, 1996). Gottman(1983) noted that children who "hit it off" to later becomefriends, askedmore questionsof their playmates,gavemoreinformation aboutthemselves,andestablishedcommon ground activities on the first threeplay dates.

10.6 Small Talk, Gossip, and Telling Jokes The peer culture is defined as knowledgeabout currentgamesandtoys in vogue. Childrenhave beenable to communicatepeercultureby themselves, without the help of, and sometimesin spite of, adults. In theory, the skills, knowledge, and social goals containedin the culture guide children'sbehaviorand values (cf. Zarbatanyet al., 1990). Many parentsfeel that this kind of conversationpromotesfriendship: Telling jokes, gossiping,andknowing aboutthe latestfads are seenas skills helpful in getting to know other children better. However, becausethere is no information exchangeof a personalnature, the mechanismpromotinggreaterintimacyis suspect. Parker and Seal (1996) studied these conversationaltools and their effects on friendship formation and maintenance.They observed changesin friendshipsover a 1-monthsleep-away camp experiencefor 216 children, ages8 to 15. They noted five patternsof friendship maintenancethroughoutthe campexperience,eachassociatedwith different communicationpatterns:

Keepingthe samefriends. Children evidencing this patternwere leastlikely to know funny jokes, kid aroundwith othersor tell others' secrets.Girls in this groupwereseenashonest. Increasingthe numberoffriends. This groupwas least likely to gossip, tell on others, start fights, be bossy,or show off. Rotatingfriends. Boys in this group were rated highestas knowing funny jokes,which perhaps representeda superficial approachto engagingin conversations.Children in this group violated various loyalty norms: They gossiped,told on others,put others down, bossedothers around, startedfights, and couldn't keep secrets.Girls in this group were unlikely to be honest. Although this groupwasnot labeledby the authorsashaving problems(they had adequatenumbers

of friends at any given time and were able to make new friends), they were the loneliestof the four groupswith friends. This was becausestablefriendshipsdecreasefeelings of loneliness.This group masteredsuperficial friendships, perhapsby replacingpersonal information exchangewith "funny jokes" and other off-putting behaviors. Decreasingfriends. These children joked and gossipedwith others,were caring, did not startfights, but showedoff all the time. This seemslike a mixture of supportivebehaviors with immodestyand a sprinkle of disloyalty. Girls in this group were rated as honest, caring about others, and knowing funny jokes. The authorsseemedto think that the declinemay havebeendue to carefully culling friends or not wanting to start new friendshipslater in campsessionwhen they knew they wouldn't last. This pattern soundsmore typical of the girls, because boys do not cull friends (see Chap. 18). In the presentcontext, showing off may be a form of conversationaldominance. Friendless children. This was the most clearly problematic group. Although it was common for many children not to have friends at some point during camp, the friendless children failed to haveat leastone friend at any time. These children had the highest scoresin self-reportedloneliness,implying their friendship statuswas not by choice. They were perceivedby other children as easily angered,saying nonsensicalthings, respondingpoorly to beingteased,untrustworthy, uncaring,anduncooperative.Many of thesefeatureshave been interpretedas evidenceof negative affect, criticism, and conversationaldominance.

10.7 Conversational Skills Interventions and Increased Peer Acceptance Many social skill interventionsthat havetrained active listening skills havebeensuccessfulin increasingpeer acceptanceamong participants (Bierman & Furman, 1984; Gresham& Nagle, 1980;Hepler& Rose,1988;Oden& Asher,1977; THfen & Spence,1986).In thesestudies,the childrenselectedwere the leastpopularwithin their class.At follow-up, researchers found lastingim-

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS

provementin peer acceptance(Oden & Asher, 1977). Our clinical experiencehas been that teaching"two-way conversations"is an important tool for childrento haveprior to a play date. Children can establishcommon ground activities in telephoneconversationsprior to a play date ("What shouldwe do whenwe get together?"). Bierman (1986a)comparedchildren taught conversationalskills with a control group. The skills were: sharinginformation about oneself, asking others about themselvesand giving advice, andsuggestionsandinvitations (asopposed to giving commandsand makingdemands).The groupreceivingconversationalskills trainingwas significantly better in demonstratingthe target skills. More important, correlational analysis showedthat unpopularchildren who used the conversationaltechniquesincreasedthe probability of a positive peerresponseto them. Both the frequencyof useof techniquesandpositive peer response(especiallythe latter) correlatedsignificantly with improvementsin peersociometrics.

10.8 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Many parentscomplainthat their child lacks attention to social cues.Nothing may more epitomize this than the inability to managesocial conversations.Conversationalskills area conduit for intimacy throughout the age range of children in the program. Conversationswith best friends tend to be one-sided,exceptin reciprocating negative statementsand actions. The following conversationalskills would seemimportant for maintainingfriendships:trading information, regulating intimacy, being serious, listening and avoiding telling jokes. Knowing gossip, telling on others, putting others down, bossingothersaround,and startingfights need to be discouraged.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Groupleadershavefocusedon familiarizing parentsand childrenwith the sessionexpectations. Children havebeentaughtto follow the rules of the session, tobe seriouson first exchangewith

/

63

a potentialfriend or acquaintance,and to bring toys appropriatefor sustainingoutside interactions. Parentshavebeenguidedto recognizeand accentuatethe positive in their child while also facilitating their child's homeworkcompliance.

In This Session There are three "firsts" in this session.It is the first time parentsare held accountablefor coming late to session;andthe first time that the toys children brought to the sessionsare screened; and the first time parentsare helped with any problemstheyencounteredin gettinghomework assignmentsdone (in-group telephonecalls and outsidetoys). New materialin this sessionmore completelyutilizes the telephonecall as a trainingvehicle:Childrenare taughttwo-way conversation skills and parentsare taught to monitor phonecalls to insurepracticeandgeneralization of theseskills.

Parent Session Plan 2 Initial Gathering Beginningin this session,the main focus of the initial gatheringof parentsand children is to screenthe toys broughtfor the session.The purposesof this screeningare first to ensurethat the toys broughtare conduciveto the objectives of the session,and secondto assessthe child's toy collection in order to make sure it promotes rather than interfereswith the developmentof friendships.Startingin this session,it is assumed that participantswill arrive within 5 minutesof the scheduledstart of the session.The session startson time, regardlessof whetherall participantsare present. 1. Before parentsarrive, make sure chairs are arrangedin "horseshoe"shape.Have phone list and plannedabsencesheetslaid out on the table. 2. Check child toys as they come in and have parentshold toys that are in excludedcategories.1 Dangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, Super Soakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards,toy guns; Too good a toy-expensivetoy that will upsetthe child if lost or damaged. 1

64

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

3. Have each parent and child fill out a name tag in large print andput in a visible placeon their chest. 4. Take attendance.

PotentialProblems Ventilation/Damagingthe Child's Reputation One mother startedto talk to the group leader (with the child standingnearby)in a loud voice, "He has had a very difficult week. On Monday, he was rude to his teacherand on Tuesdaywe got a note from the school.Todayhe had a problem on the bus coming home from school." An effective responseto this was to cut the parent off andtell him or her that this is not the placeto talk aboutit, eventhoughthe parentmaybe very frustratedand feel the need to "ventilate," and ask if the parentwould like a referral for counseling.

Inappropriate Toy One mothergaveher son clay as an outsidetoy, saying, "you can toss it like a ball." The group leaderhadthe boy leaveit with his parent.Other exampleshave been Nerf guns, Nazi memorabilia, a pocket knife, and a deflatedball. These were all handledin the sameway.

Too Great a Hurry One parenthad to come from work and didn't have time to stop at home for her son to bring a toy. She said she felt it was better to be on time than be late with a toy. While the group leader concurredwith arriving on time as beingthe priority, the group leader suggestedputting a ball in the trunk of her car on the night prior to group.

BuyingFriends 1 One ll-year-old boy broughtin gumbought with his own moneyfor everyone.It wasan act of generositythat wasunusualfor this boy, so the group leadersaidhe could shareit with othersif everyone kept the gum in their mouths.This turned out to be a seriouserror in judgment.Gum chew-

ing andthe discussionof gum competedwith the group leader'sinstruction. Eventually the boy started blowing bubbles and distracting the group. He becamevery angry when he was instructedby the group leaderto spit out his gum. On the way back from the play deck, one of the other boys kept trying to get him to sell him another piece of gum (the group leader stopped this). Bringing anything other than appropriate toys into the child sessionhassincebeenprohibited.

BuyingFriends 2 An 8-year-oldboy broughta bagfull of candyin his jacket.He surreptitiouslybeganeatingpieces of candyduring the didacticinstructionandwas noticed doing so by his peers.During the deck play activity, peers began asking for pieces of candy. The boy began selectively handing out piecesof candyto peers.The candywas immediately taken away and was given to the boy's mother at the end of the session.The boy's parent advisedthe group leaderthat her son had a history of bringing candy to school as a "bribe" to win over friends. The motheralso mentioned that the techniquehad not beensuccessfuland that her son was always disappointedwhen he wasexploitedby peerspromisingfriendshipthat only lastedas long as the candy.

Showand Tell One second-grade boy with Asperger'sdisorder broughta stuffedanimalfor "show andtell." The stuffed animal was not age-appropriatefor the boy. His parenthad obviously encouragedthis. The group leadertold the mother that the purpose of this interventionis to developrelationshipsbasedon skills, not possessions.

HomeworkReview Homeworkreview alwaystakesplaceduring the first part of the parentsession.The in-group call has such a high compliancerate that startingat one end of the room and going systematically aroundworks effectively. Parentsneedto be remindednot to expectdazzlingconversationalists on this first call.

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS

This maybe the first encounterwith parentswho confessto not doing homeworkandthensoliciting sympathyfrom others(taking group time on this ratherthan on how to get it donenext time; see"Nobody Was Home" later in this section). Go aroundthe table and review toys children brought in and phone calls to other group members.2 Go around asking the parentswhat outside gametheir child is goingto bring nextweek. Tell them the value of an outside toy assignment: to identify somethinghelpful the child canbring to playgroundsin their area.Playgroundstypically don't supply toys, and a good outsidetoy will act as a magnetto attract otherchildren.Sometoys arebetterfor this than others. A ball is easily sharedby two more children (and it's boring to play with it by yourself). Othertoys may initially offer a strongattractionfor other childrenfor instance, a Nerf gun. However, after about 5 minutes the children will start arguing over who gets it next.

Clinical Examplesof SuccessfulCalls

Mission Accomplished The motherof a second-grade boy reportedthat the in-groupcall went accordingto schedule.She was concernedthat the boys only spokefor 2 to 3 minutes.The groupleaderassuredher that the assignmentwas fulfilled and that it would be more complexnext week.

"Hit It Off" and Attemptto Make Play Date The motherof a fifth-grade girl reportedthat her daughterspokeon the phonefor 20 minuteswith anothergirl from group and seemeddelighted about how the call went. Sheimpulsively asked for a play date with the other girl. The mother appropriatelyadvised her daughterthat this wasn'tallowed while shewas taking the class. 2Keep in mind telephonecall guidelines: No distractions, no TV or Siblings in room. For missedappointmentson calls: Point out how disappointingit was to otherchild and ask what the parentwill do to ensurethe phonecall goes better next time.

/

65

PotentialProblems

NobodyWas Home One parent of a third-gradegirl forgot to have her daughtermakethe call at the appointedtime. The group leader askedthe other mother how her daughterfelt aboutthis. Shesaidher daughter was quite disappointed.The other parents were askedfor suggestionson how to remember to make their calls. One mom said she always did it on a Friday night. Another mom said she hasher own motherremindher. The groupleader had the motherwho had missedthe call tell him how she would remembernext time. The focus was on what to do differently next time, rather than allowing the offending mother to give her excuseor try to get othersto saythat missingthe assignmentwas understandable or acceptable.

AnxiousChild A second-gradegirl was too nervousto talk to her assignedperson. When she made the call, the othergirl's dad pickedup the phoneandshe hung up. Seeingthis, her mom dialed the call for her and made sure she connectedwith the othergirl. Someparentswill rehearsea call right before an anxiouschild is about to call. Having parentsrole-playing being the other child has beenparticularly effective in getting children to overcomethe anxiety associatedwith making their initial phonecalls.

Not Scheduledat a Good Time A second-gradeboy refused to make the telephonecall: He wantedto watchTV instead.The mom realizedshehad madea bad plan. Shedecided not to schedulethe call during his favorite program.An alternativein this situation might have been to record the TV show and then he could watch the program at the completion of his phonecall.

"Overprogramming''jOvercoaching The motherof a first-gradeboy with Asperger's disordertold him eachsentenceto saywhile he was on the call and he simply repeatedwhat his

66

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

motherhad just said. The group leadertold the mom that her sonwas to try this independently. It was acceptableto rehearsethe call with her son just beforehe was to make it, but unacceptable to have a "script" for the telephonecall or "feed him the dialogue."

AssignmentToo Hard for Parent The motherof four childrensaid shecouldn't do the homework becauseshe was minding all of the childrenwhenshescheduledthe phonecall. So she peekedin briefly to see how the homework was going, but really couldn't monitor the phonecall. (She receivedvery little support/involvementfrom her husband.)The group leader askedher if she could schedulethe next phone call when she would be better able to observe. She said she couldn't. The group leaderreplied that the parentsarethe maininstrumentsof generalization by exporting each week's learning outside the group. If she is unable to monitor the homework assignmentsat home, then her child maynot actuallyimplementwhathe is practicing in session.Her reply was that she would "do the bestshe could." She subsequentlycomplied with most homeworkassignments.

Parent Handout There are three main purposesof the handout. The first purposeis to ensurethat parentsdon't talk about their child's faults in front of others. They shouldbe presentingtheir child as a good playmateinstead.The secondpurposeis to educateparentsto adequatelymonitor the telephonecall assignmentsfor two-way conversations.The third purposeis to enhanceparent-childcommunication by giving parentsa "tuneup" on their active listening skills. Active listening is a technique by which the parentdoes only the minimal amountof talking to get the child to share information with them. Promotingactive listening is a way to increaseappropriateparent involvementin their children'sfriendships.Parents shouldhaveregularactivelisteningsessionswith their child aboutwhat is happeningat schooland in the neighborhood.To encouragecompliance, the handoutsuggestsparentsimmediately try activelisteningon the way homefrom the group.

1. Tell parentsthat the children are working on

conversationskills in the child session.For the next homeworkassignment,parentsare to focus on the conversationalcontentrather than how children startand end the phone call. 2. Tell parentsthe first job in a new relationship is to searchfor sharedinterestsso you know what you can do together.This is a two-way conversation,not an interview (an interview is not betweenequals). 3. Review the sessionhandout.

Group LeaderGuide to ParentHandoutSession2-Havinga Conversation Goals (a) To help children developtwo-way conversational skills. (b) To help parentsandchildrencommunicatewith eachother. 1. A conversationis whentwo childrentalk and learnhow to enjoy eachother. [Say that this is what the children are being taught concurrently ill the child session.]

Do's Trade information abouteachother Trade meansgive an importantfact and get an importantfact. Whenyou answera question,you may have to ask a questionto keep the tradegoing. Importantfacts to find out: What do you like to do?-to seewhat you will do whenyou get together. Whatyou don't like to do?-soyou canavoid this when you're aroundthat person.

Don'ts Don't be a conversationhog-let the other person talk too. Give only the facts the person asksfor, give the other persona chanceto speak. Don't get too personal-don'tgive information that will makeyou or othersuncomfortable. Don't be an interviewer-don'tonly ask questions and not tell about yourself. Give enoughso that others get the information they need.

CONVERSATIONAL SKI LLS

[Pause here for parent questions-makesure they understandtwo-wayconversations.Tell parentsthey will be monitoring this on the nextfew phonecalls. Parentsshouldlisten closelyenoughto the phoneto determineif there is askingand listeninggoing on.] 2. Ways to encourageconversationswith your child:

Encouraging Praisingyour child (in private) when he or she attemptsnew skills he or she has learnedin group or elsewhere. Involving your child in decisionsabouthis or her play dates.Selectthem together. Talking aboutandactingrespectfullytoward other adults, teachers,and children in front of your child. Listeningwhenyour child wantsto talk about his or her friendships.* Discouraging Talking aboutyour child's faults in front of others. Allowing your child to play with children that he or she doesn'tlike but who are convenient. Talking about another adult's or child's faults in front of your child. Proddingyour child to talk when you want to talk. [Pause herefor parent questions.] ParentAssignments 1. *Turn off the car radio and practicelistening skills with your child on the way home tonight. First try silencealoneandwait to seeif your child beginstalking. If not, askyour child what happenedin session.Parentsshould have regular listening sessions,going over what happenedat school,andso on. [Tell parents you will be askingthem how this went next week.] 2. Child practicestwo-way conversationswith group memberon the telephone.Parentis to listen from afar to the call to seeif their child is askingand answeringquestions.If not, then remindthemof the assignment.Theymaynot know how to start andend a phonecall-this

/

67

will come next week. [Tell parents to make a "big deal" about the phonecall to increaseits importance.Becausethe secondcall deals morewith conversationcontent, parents can help children think of things to say. The besttime to do this is just beforethe call. But they shouldavoid writing things down, as this will decreasespontaneity. For example,during a call, one child taking notes was heard by his parent to say, "Slow down, I can't write that fast."] 3. Bring outsidetoy (exceptif raining-bringinside toy). Potential Problems

Mother Not Sure We Can Help Her Son One mother of a second-gradeboy with ADHD askedif we'regoing to teachthe childrenhow to "pick up on social cues." The group leader replied that we don't teachchildren to pick up on social cues,we teachthem the rules of interpersonaletiquette.The childrenlearnthatwhenthey follow theserules,peoplefeel goodandare more likely to respondto them in a positive way.

Not a SportsPerson The mother of a first-grade boy was concerned about the emphasison sports.She said her son felt clumsy playing organizedsports. She reportedthat he told her he didn't want to participatein the next sessionif theywereto play sports. The group leader replied that informal playground sports, such as handball, are the major meansby which children, especiallyboys, meet andinteract.This is regardlessof how good they are at the particularsport. For instance,in handball, most of the time is spentwaiting on line to play. If they don't wait on line, then they won't be nearthe otherboys (they cantalk to the child next to them while waiting). This classwill expose children to this so that they have an informed choice. At the end of the sessionreunification, it was clear to the mother that her worries were unfounded:Her son came back from the deck activity, happily bouncingthe basketballhe had brought.

68

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Child SessionPlan 2 On the Way to the Child SessionRoom 1. The rules of the group start to be enforcedby group leaderswhenthe children are lined up to go to the child sessionroom. The parent group leaderhandlesinappropriatetoys as a parentproblem.3 2. Praisechildrenfor following rules on the way to the child sessionroom: Walk together,quietly, no running, no bouncingballs indoors, and no touching others. As they seatthemselves,write the children'snamesin one column on the boardwith room for starsnext to eachname.

HomeworkReview This is the first time homeworkis reviewed.There are two purposes:first to serve as a reward for children who comply with the homework (they get a star on the board), and secondto serveas peer pressurefor children who didn't complytheyget to hearhow otherchildrendid the homework. The honeymooneffect(childrenbeingon their bestbehaviorbecauseit is a new situation) usually doesn'tlast to Session2. Children start to becomedisruptive in two ways. Older boys often deal with the nervousnessof an unfamiliar situationwith sarcasm.This may result in a con-

tagionif it is not firmly handledat the onsetwith prompts and time outs. Another disruptive behavior that somechildren may try is telling stories (seeTable 10.1). 1. Review the toy broughtin by eachchild. 2. Concentrateon the in-group call-go around and have eachchild saywho they called and what they found out aboutthe other child.

Clinical Examples of AcceptableHomeworkReports Children will report on one or two nice things that they learned about the child they called. Some examplesmight include that the other child: (a) just bought a new videogame, (b) received a good grade on a test, or (c) got a new pet. The group leaderacknowledgeshomework completionby repeating(usingonly a few words) what the child found out.

PotentialProblems Tattling A second-grade girl reportedthat anothergirl in the group wasn't homewhen the call was to be made.As a result,shehadto call numeroustimes. 3After they are excludedfrom the child session,the children will not repeatthe error, unlessthe parentsupports it.

TABLE 10.1 Children Telling Stories and How Group Leaders Should Handle Them

Exampleof a child's story: "There was this kid at school. He wantedto do everything.He took the ball away from the other kids. Everybodygot mad at him ... " Somechildren want to tell stories(sometimesrelatedand sometimesunrelatedto sessioncontent).Listening to thesestoriesin their entiretywill eat up time, rewardthe child for monopolizinggroup time and practicing what is essentiallya one-wayconversation.If the group leaderallows one child to tell a story, then otherswill also want to do this. Look for ways to cut this off. Here are somesuggestions: 1. Interrupt the story and have the child skip forward to the part that is immediatelyrelevant. Tell the child to go to the end of the story, to sum up and get to how the story endsor to get to the important part, such as, about doing the homeworkassignment. 2. If totally unrelated,interrupt the child saying, "That doesn'tsoundlike what we're talking about right now. We needto get back to what we're talking aboutso that we can go to the play deck sooner." 3. If inappropriate(e.g., storiesabout hitting other children), interrupt the child and tell him or her you don't want to hear the story becauseit is not appropriateto the group focus. If the child persists(this will generallybe due to a maladaptiveattemptat negativeattention-seeking),give a time out.

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS

The girl continuedto emphasizethat the other girl hadnot beenhome,with the expectationthat shemight be able to get the girl into trouble.The group leader ignored the "tattling" component and said to her that it was good she persisted (homework noncomplianceis addressedin the parentsession).

ParentSupportof Storytelling At the end of session,an irate parentsaid to the child group leader, "My daughtersaysthat you are cutting her off in sessionand not letting her tell you what is happeningin school."The group leadertold the parentthat this was a classwhere children had to learn skills to deal with social situations.Our job is to provide group members with skills to avoid problems.Talking aboutwhat happenedat schoolwas not relevantto material in sessionand bearssomesimilarities to conversationhogging.

Didactic Conversationalskills that improve peer acceptanceare specific to the early stagesin relationship development.Practicein having two-way conversationswill partially addressthe tendency of children to "miss social cues." A Socratic

/

69

methodis used(seeTable 10.2 for a description of how this methodappliesto the child session). 1. Saythat friends arebestmadein certainplaces and times. Use a socratic methodto get the following: Good places: On playground,in schoollunchroom, on the bus to school,on line waiting for lunch, in the schoolyardafter school, before and after Scoutmeetingsand team practice. Bad places: In the classroom,when you're in the field during a baseballgame,in crosswalks or bathrooms. Good times: After school, before school, at lunch, after teampractice,on telephone. Bad times: When the teacheris talking, when the other child is trying to work. 2. Tell them a conversationis when two people talk and learn how to enjoy eachother. 3. Ask, "What do detectivesdo? How is a kid a mystery?" 4. Ask children what's wrong with this conversation: "Hello. I just ate chicken,then played Nintendo, then watcheda movie. Oh, my 10 minutesis up. OK, bye." Ask children if that was a conversation?(Answer: No, only one personwastalking-hewasa conversationhog. It's just like a ball hog.) Ask children, what

TABLE 10.2 Using a Socratic Method in the Child Sessions

The Socraticmethodis wherethe children comeup with rules for a situation.It may appearto the children that they areproducingthe rules when in actuality, the group leaderis ensuringthat all the rules in the session plan are reviewed. At the end of discussion,or if pressedfor time, the group leader statesany rules the children did not come up with. Under certain circumstancesit is a useful pedagogicaltechniquefor the following reasons: 1. It is a more active and lively way of learningwhere the children teacheachother.

2. Children are madeto feel more competent,as they are coming up with the rules. 3. The rules soundmore valid to the children becausetheir peershave revealedthem. 4. It works well when the issueis not too emotionallyladen and there are a few rules to teach. Actively involve the children in producingthe rules and explainingtheir importance.Keep the list of rules in the sessionplan as a templatefor the rules to be taught. 1. If a child sayssomethingthat can benda little to fit into one of the rules, acceptit and praisethe child.

Restatethe rule as in the sessionplan. Ask the group, "Why is it a good idea to follow that rule?" 2. If a child says somethingincorrect, simply say "No, that is not a rule of ... ," and then ask another child. If you don't correctrules that are wrong it may lead somechildren to believewhat the child said was correct. 3. Do not engagein a "debate"with a child regardingthe child's rationalefor inappropriatebehavior.

70

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

the other personis going to think. (Answer: The speakeris selfish and only interestedin himself.) 5. The next homework assignmentis to trade information. Do's: Trade information about each other. Trade meansgive an importantfact andget an importantfact. Importantfacts: (a) What do they like to do?-youneedto know this first to seewhat you will do when you get together.(b) What they don't like to do-so you canavoid this whenyou'rearoundthat person.When you answera question,you mayhaveto aska questionto keepthe trade going. Don'ts: • Don't be a conversationhog-let the other persontalk too. Give only the facts the person asksfor. Give enoughso that they get the information they need. Don't be an interviewer-don'tonly askquestions and not tell aboutyourself. Don't get too personal-Otherchildren only needto know likes and dislikes when you first get to know them. If you tell them too much about yourself at first, it may make them feel less like talking to you. 6. Model tradinginformation,thenhavechildren practice: Break children into dyads. Have them "trade information" with the child sitting next to them to seeif they can figure out one thing that the other child likes to do and tell the other child one thing they like to do. Point out how serious and grown up the children are acting at this time. Being serious when you are getting to know someonemakes them feel more like talking to you. Remind children not to get too personal.

Potential Problems InappropriateMeetingPlace A fifth-grade boy with Asperger'sdisordersuggestedthe bathroomas a place to make friends. He saidhe would go into the next stall and try to talk to a personhe wantedto meet. The group leader askedthe rest of the group if this was a good idea. They all said "no." The group leader

statedthat the bathroomis a place where children needtheir privacy.

BraggingAboutPast Bad Behavior A sixth-gradeboy with ADHD and conductdisorderrecounted,"One time I went into the alley behind the school with these guys. We would have got in big trouble if we got caught but we had a great time and they thought that I was cool." The groupleaderaskedthe group,"What's wrong with doing somethinglike this?" and solicited appropriateresponses from otherchildren. If the child who is boastingabouthis bad behavior continuesto insist that this was acceptable, he would get a prompt, followed by a time out.

Group Disruption One fourth-gradegirl made the girl next to her laugh with unrelated"side talk." She was given one warning and then a time out for persisting. Shelookedshockedas this was the first time out given in session.The otherchildrenin the group appearedstartled and then immediately increasedtheir attending.

HomeworkAssignment 1. "Trade information": Telephonecall to find out other group member'sinterests.Assign each child another (same-sex)child in the group to call. 2. "Bring your thing": Bring a basketball, soccerball,Nerfball, Frisbee,handball, Nerf Vortex, and so on.

Real Play Rejectedchildren have been deprived of game play. No onepicks themor theyrefuseto let them join in. When they finally get into a game,they might want to show othersthat they'regood, or maybe they might want to get all that pent-up play out in one sitting becausethey don't know when the next time is coming. They might want to do everythingin the game(to the exclusionof other'sparticipation).Theymight play too aggressively becausethey see poor sportsmanshipon TV and lack a better model of sportsmanship. They may trip anotherchild accidentallyat first

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS

and thenon purpose.They may slapthe ball out of eachother'shandsbeforetheyareon the court. Theymayfake ball throwsto eachother'sfacesand then laugh at the startledresponseof their peer. If the group leader allows this to continue, the childrenwill get more aggressiveas time goeson. Most of children referred for friendship treatmentdo not have adequateskills to independentlyplay togetherappropriatelyin groups, especiallyin competitivegames.At this point in the program,competitivegamestendto increase aggression.Having children attempt to decide what they will do will result in indecision and argumentsandwill usually allow the bossychildren to take charge.Thereforethe approachadvocated during the real play portion of these sessionsis to provide structureand instruction on all aspectsthat the childrencannotthemselves handlecompetentlyandto teachcompetenceon the particularskill being taught. If the structure is decreasedbelow this level, you'll notice that the situationwill quickly get out of control. "Wolf Pack"is heavily cooperativewith little opportunityfor competition.It's fast-pacedand the children get the experienceof joining in a teamwith just a few rules and simple strategies. It is easyto superviseandgetsgoingquickly without lots of instructionaboutrules. It's a nice prelude to teachingthem how to slip into games othersare playing (seeChap. 11).

Clinical Examples:StrategiesDevisedby "Wolves" During the Huddle 1. The wolves split up into two groups,allOWing them to work togetherto catchthe deer.

/

71

2. The wolves pretendto go after one child. The actualtargeted"deer" subsequentlybecomes relaxed, and then one wolf gives the other wolves a predeterminedsignalto go after the targeteddeer. 3. The group leaderwill coachthe "wolves" to selectan "easydeer" to catch in order to increasethe size of their "wolf pack" without expendingtoo much energy. 4. One "deer" was a significantly faster runner thanall of the "wolves." The groupleadersuggestedthat the "wolves" take turns chasing the deerto tire her out.

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Begin by praisingthe children (as a group) for what they did in this session.Announceto parents,"Todaywe worked on playing detective andtradinginformation.We alsoworked on being seriouswhen you're first meeting someoneelse.I sawa lot of polite andserious behaviorin this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. Read the in-group call assignmentsone by one, as in last session,but stop parentsfrom immediately starting to arrangethese calls with eachother. Continuewith, "The major job that everyonehas this week is to trade information on the telephoneand bring an outsidetoy for next week." 3. At this point coachesand parent and child group leadersgo aroundthe room and have eachparentandchild agreeon the toy to bring for next week.

72

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 2 Having a Conversation Goals:

(a) To help children developtwo-way conversationalskills. (b) To help parentsand children communicatewith eachother.

1. A conversationis when two children talk andlearn how to enjoy eachother. Do's Tradeinformation abouteachother Trademeansgive an importantfact and get an importantfact (play detective). Whenyou answera question,you may haveto ask a questionto keepthe tradegoing. Importantfacts to find out: What do you like to do-to seewhat you will do when you get together. What you don't like to do, so you can avoid this whenyou're aroundthat person. Don'ts Don't be a conversationhog-let the other persontalk too. Give only the facts the personasksfor, don't get too personal. Don't get too personal-don'tgive information that will makeyou or othersuncomfortable. Don't be an interviewer-don'tonly ask questionsand not tell aboutyourself. Give enoughso that othersget the information they need. 2. Ways to encourageconversationswith your child: Encouraging

Discouraging

Praisingyour child (in private) when he or she attemptsnew skills he or shehaslearned in group or elsewhere. Involving your child in decisionsabouthis or her play dates.Selectthem together.

Talking aboutyour child's faults in front of others.

Talking aboutand actingrespectfullytoward other adults,teachers,and children in front of your child.

Talking aboutanotheradult's or child's faults in front of your child.

Listeningwhen your child wants to talk about his or her friendships.*

Proddingyour child to talk when you want to talk.

Allowing your child to play with children that he or shedoesn'tlike but who are convenient.

ParentAssignments 1. *Turn off car radio and practicelistening skills with your child on the way home tonight. First try silencealone and wait to see if your child beginstalking. If not, ask your child what happened in group.Parentsshouldhaveregularlisteningsessions,going over what happenedat school,and so on. 2. Child practicestwo-way conversationswith a group memberon the telephone.Parentis to listen from afar to the call to seeif their child is askingand answeringquestions.If not, then remind them of the assignment.They may not know how to start and end a phone call-this will comenext week. 3. Bring outsidetoy (exceptif raining-bringinside toy)

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS

Children's Friendship Training Rulesfor Wolf Pack Child Session2 GatherChildren 1. Have all children gatherin a "huddle."

Assign Sides 2. Pick one child as the "wolf," everyoneelseis "deer." (The first wolf hasto be fast enough to catchat leastone deer.)

Tell GameRules 3. When the wolf tags a deer, he or shebecomesanotherwolf and a memberof the "wolf pack." All the wolves in the "wolf pack" work togetherto transformadditionaldeerinto wolves. 4. No "lone wolves." Eachsubsequent deerthat will be pursuedis selectedby the wolf pack (with group leadercoaching/assistance) and wolves can only catchthe designateddeer. 5. The wolves loudly count down from 5 to allow the deerto preparefor the ensuingchase.

Start the Game 6. Have the deergo out in the "forest" (run awaywithin the boundariesof playing field). 7. Huddle with wolves and get them to pick the next deer they are to catch and come up with a strategyon catchingthe designateddeer.

Core Instruction 8. Constantlymonitor and make sure all "wolves" focus on the particular "deer" they are supposedto catchnext andthat they are following the plan they developedin the huddle. If a child gets distracted,ask, "Who are you supposedto catchnext?" 9. Don't allow one child to dominatethe huddleandcomeup with all the "deerchoices"or strategies. 10. If all the wolves are not working together,stop the game,have the wolves return to the huddle, and review the rules and gameplan. Core InstructionandDebriefingat the End of Game 11. Ask childrenhow they succeeded in this game.(Answer: The only way to progressin this gameis to join forces and work togetheras a team.)

/

73

"Slipping In" /Reputation/Using Community Resources

Treatment Rationale

Regardlessof how much a child watchestelevision, the pervasivenessof television in American culture also meansthat there is a reduced numberof children outdoorsfor play, even if a family eliminatesor restricts the use of television in their own home. (Bryant & DeMorris, 1992, p. 182)

The rejectedchild commits social errors, beginning with how he goesaboutjoining other children at play, and with whom he selects as potential friends. The treatmenthypothesisis that teachingchildrenthe socialetiquetteto join other children at play and teachingparentsto build social networks to help their child select suitablefriends are componentsthat eventually will help improve the child's reputationamong the peergroup.

Having children attend a neighborhood school can be helpful in this regard. Attending the neighborhoodschoolmay foster friendships amongchildrenby providingthemwith common experiences,pluggingparentsand childreninto commonsocialnetworks,andservingasa springboard for more intimate peer interaction (Bukowski et al., 1996; Rubin & Sloman,1984). However, many parentsfeel forced to abandon the neighborhoodschooland insteadtake their children to a school that is a considerabledistance from the home. A survey of our patients revealedthat less than half of the children attended a neighborhoodschool. This translates parentinvolvementin the school, into decreased decreasedtime that children stay after school, and substantiallyreducedavailability of peers from school.Thus,parentchoiceof schoolingfor their child may increasetheir difficulty in helping their child build a peernetwork. Factorswithin schoolshave also madepeer contactmoredifficult. Classroomsizehasgrown

11.1 Impediments to Formation of Children's Social Networks Developmentof social networksthroughneighborhoodcontactsis becomingincreasinglydifficult. Neighborhoodstreets,formerly alive with the soundof children playing, are quiet. Parent worries aboutcrime, especiallyin poorerneighborhoods,lead them to discourageplay in front of their house, where children could be more easily accessedby peers(cf. Cochran& Davila, 1992). Increasedtime occupiedin viewing television programminghasalsoreducedthe amount of time children are accessiblefor play. Schoolagedchildrenaverage27 hoursof televisionviewing per week (Bryant & DeMorris, 1992). 74

"SLIPPING INn/REPUTATION/USING COMMUNITY RESOURCES

increasinglylarger over the years. Children in large classesmay have fewer friends than children in smaller classes(d. Epstein, 1983). The numberof hours per weekdaythat children devote to homeworkhassteadilyincreasedover the past20 years,decreasingtime availablefor peers. Decreasesin children'saccessibilityfor play and fragmentationof children'ssocial networks havemadethe parent'srole morecritical in building a child's social network.

11.2 Making Children's Social Networks Accessible Lack of accessibilityof peershas made it more importantfor parentsocial networksto include other parentswithin easy transportwho have children close in age to their child (Ladd, 1992; Rubin & Sloman,1984). Valuablesocial support functions also seemto be servedby parents'dependablefriendshipswith adultsoutsidethe family. The numberof such parentfriendshipshas been shown to correlatewith the size of their children's friendship networks (Homel, Burns, & Goodnow,1987). As indicatedearlier, schoolfrequentlycan't be used by many families as a resourcefrom which to draw friendships, becausemany parents send their child to schools outside their neighborhoodandfew parentsarewilling to drive more than15 minuteseachway toprovidea playmatefor their child. Thusthe neighborhoodmust be tapped to yield accessiblefriends. Bryant (1985) found that most friendship resourcesreported by her 7- and 10-year-oldsampleswere within walking or bicycling distance.

11.3 Problems Found in Rejected Children The behaviorof the rejectedchild may pose an additionalburdenupon the developmentof his social network. Breachesof etiquette (Dodge, Coie, & Brakke,1983)areundoubtedlythe cause of peer rejection and ensuingnegative reputation amongpeers.Once a child attains a negative reputation, subsequentlearning of peer etiquettemaybe moredifficult, becausethe child is cut off from the socialnetwork, a major source of instruction.Severedlinks to the socialnetwork

/

75

may further decreasethe rejectedchild's awareness of peer etiquette (Erwin, 1993; Ladd & Asher, 1985). Having a negative reputation amongpeersmayproducetwo secondaryeffects: (a) It precludesuseof the existingsocialnetwork as a sourceof peersfor more intimate play experiences,and (b) it exposesthe child as a target for victimization by verbal (teasing)andphYSical abuse(bullying) by other children.

Research on Social Networks of Rejected Children 11.4 Effects of a Negative Reputation Growth in cognitive abilities betweenfirst and third gradeallows children to begin to differentiate more subtleaspectsof reputation(Frankel, 1996; Peevers& Secord, 1973). Rogoschand Newcomb(1989) usedan open-endedinterview to gatherinformation on componentsof reputation amongfirst, third, and fifth gradersof differing social status. There were many ways children consistentlydescribedthe reputations of rejectedchildren. Thesedescriptorsincluded "disliked," "excludesothers," "nasty or mean," and"immature."Basedon discriminant-function analysis,the authorsfound that the reputation of rejectedchildrenwas stronger(70.6% correct classificationbasedon descriptors)than either popular (27.8% correct) or neglectedchildren (30% correct). Furthermore,these descriptors becamemore salient with grade,with a correct classificationhaving40% accuracyin first grade, increasingto 92% accuracyby fifth grade. Negativereputationsamongpeersarestable over time (Coie, Dodge,& Kuperschmidt,1990) and negativelyimpact a child's ability to resolve conflicts, not only becauseof the limited skills utilized by the child but also due to the expectations and attributions of peers. Putallaz and Gottman(1981) found thatwhenrejectedchildren attemptedappropriateinteractions,they were lesslikely to receivepositive feedbackfrom their peersthan if a more liked child madethe sameattempt.Hymel (1986)reportedthataftercommitting a transgression,liked 2nd-, 5th-, and10th-grade children often got the "benefit of the doubt" by peers,whereasrejectedchildren did not.

76

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

11.5 Influence of Deviant Friends Parentsof rejectedchildrenmust be more attentive about whom their child associates.Mutual friends at school tend to form within sociometric categories.Averageliked children tend to be mutualfriendswith averageliked children,popular children tend to cross categories(mostly to averageliked children), and rejected children have few or no mutual friends (Kupersmidt, DeRosier,& Patterson,1995; Ladd, 1983). However,the few friends that rejectedchildrenmake may be problematic.Childrenwith high levelsof antisocial behavior tend to find eachother and by so doing ultimately increasethe likelihood of committing delinquent acts such as drug use (Dishion, Capaldi, Spracklen,& Li, 1995) and committingaggressiveactson others(Grotpeter & Crick, 1996). Disruptive boys who befriend eachother increasetheir disruption and behavior problems (Berndt & Keefe, 1995; Dishion, French,& Patterson,1995),andantisocialbehavior (Patterson,1986;Patterson,Dishion & Banks, 1984). Vitaro, Tremblay, Kerr, Pagani, and Bukowski (1997) found that moderatelydisruptive boys with aggressivefriends were at greater risk for subsequent delinquencythanwere moderately disruptive boys without aggressive friends. Girls are more influencedin this regard by their very best friend than boys (Berndt & Keefe, 1995). Dishion, Capaldi, Spracklen,and Li (1995) collected data on 206 children from schoolsin high-crimeareas,assessed at 4th, 5th, and at 12th grade.Active peer supportfor rule breaking and substanceabusewas associated with immediaterises in substanceabuseduring transition to high school. Ineffective parental monitoring was also highly correlatedwith children'sinvolvementin a deviantpeernetwork. Dishion, Capaldi,Spracklen,andLi (1995) found that 72% of best-frienddyadsin their studywere similar in arreststatus.They pointedout: At the onsetof adolescence, antisocialboys tend to coalesceinto antisocial peer groups... improving the friendshipsof someof theseyoungsters may result in deviant peer networks that are more satisfactory,more stable,and perhaps more maladaptivein the long run. (p. 149).

Sabongui,Bukowski, and Newcomb(1998) measuredsociometricchangesin 229 sixth grad-

ers across6 months of school. They found that changesin a child's popularitywere determined by the child's characteristicsas well as by the sociometricstatusof the child's friends. The implication was that associatingwith sociometrically averageor well-acceptedchildren would improve the sociometricstatusof a rejectedor neglectedchild. Effective treatmentfor peerproblems must thereforeinvolve a shift in the subgroup with which a child interacts,toward more acceptedchildren (Putallaz & Gottman, 1981) and away from peerswith antisocialbehaviors.

11.6 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Rejectedchildren often havethe additionalburdenof havinga negativereputationamongpeers. Parentsmust be trainedto look for this in order to focus efforts at building friendships.Theymust also help their child screenout undesirable friendshipswith otherchildrenwho are rejected and/orhaveantisocialbehaviors.It is important to developfriendshipswith childrenwho arewell behavedandgeographicallyclose,usuallywithin 15 minutestravel time. The neighborhoodmust be tappedfor potentialfriendships,especiallyif the child has a negativereputationat school.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Almost all parentsshould be conforming with the program at this point: doing their parts in the homework assignments,and remainingon track in their questionsandcommentswithin sessions.Parentsand childrenhavestartedto focus on the functions and processof conversation.

In This Session Parentconversationswith their children, especially activelistening(e.g.,on the way homefrom sessions),will be reviewedin the parentgroup. Children will learn how to start and end a telephone call, and they will be assignedto make their first call to a child who is not in the treatmentprogram.Parentalmonitoringof telephone conversationsto insure that they are "two-way"

"SLIPPING INn/REPUTATION/USING COMMUNITY RESOURCES

will continuefor severalmore sessionsto ensure that the childrenconsolidatethis skill. The major focus for the parentsessionwill be the call to a child that is not in the group, as parentswill be most nervousabout this. This first out-of-group call shouldideally be a guaranteedsuccess-someone who likes the child and can talk on the phone. Training peer entry skills (slipping in) begins in this session.Parentsareaskedto consider the social resourcesthey have availablefor their child to useand to start scoutingtheir neighborhoodsfor suitableplacesfor their child to try joining othersat play. Attention is alsogiven to having parentshelp their child pick suitablefriends.

Parent SessionPlan 3 Initial Gathering Check child toys as they come in. Have parents hold toys that are in excludedcategories.1 Have eachparentandchild fill out a nametag in large print and put in a visible place on their chest. Take attendance.

HomeworkReview Thereare only threehomeworkassignmentsfor this session,so that the group leadercankeepa leisurelypacein reviewingthe assignments with eachparent. 1. Reviewwhat happenedon the way homelast week (parentactive listening assignment). 2. Review toys they brought in and phonecalls to othergroupmembers.Ask if therewastwoway conversation-was the child askingquestions and answeringquestions?[Keep in mind there shouldbe no distractions,no TV or siblings in room. For missedappointmentson calls-point out how disappointingit was to other child and ask the parent what will they do to ensurethe phonecall goesbetternext time.] 3. Childrenwill sometimesendthe inside-group call abruptly. Tell parentsthat we can only teachone skill at a time and the focus was on the two-way conversationratherthan the beginning or end.2

/

77

Clinical Examples of Homework Compliance

Conversationon the Way HomeFrom the Last Group One parentreportedthat sheturned off the car radio during the drive home after group. Her daughterwas surprisedand asked,"Why'd you turn it om" The parenttold her that the group leadertold them to. Therewas a pauseandthen the child startedtalking aboutthe group.

ParentsEnforcinga Two-Way Conversation Onemotherof a third-gradeboy noticedthat her sonwasaskingquestionsbut not answeringduring his in-group telephonecall, so shereminded him to let the other child askquestionsalso. The parentof the other child notedthat at that point the call went from "one-sided"to "two-way."

Potential Problems

Mother Expectingthe PerfectTelephone Call The motherof a third-gradeboy insistedon giving the group details of her son'sawkwardness and overall lack of phone etiquette.The group leader interruptedthis report and pointed out that improvedtelephoneskills were good things to teach,but the lessonthis weekfocusedsimply on developing"give andtake" in conversation.If her child did that, thenthe missionfor this week was accomplished.

Child ComplaintsAboutSessions Having parentsbecomemore receptiveto conversationson the way home from the sessions will sometimesopenthe door to the"complaint department."One parentsaid, "My child asked me if he hadto comeanymore."This was a resislDangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, Super Soakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards, toy guns; too good a toy-expensivetoy that will upsetthe child if lost or damaged. 2Reviewof the phonecalls typically revealthat everychild took the call seriously.The group leadershould point this out after the third parentreportsthis.

78

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

tant child who was offered a rewardthat was to be given after coming to the first two sessions. His motherthen askedthe group if anyoneelse had this experience.Only 1 of the other 10 sets of parentsverbalizeda similar experience.The groupleaderpointedout that approximately20% of childrenwould not chooseto cometo sessions. The main factor that keeps these reticent children coming is that their parentsverbalizesupport for the program.Our experienceindicates that reticent children actually do as well as the childrenwho like to come.The key factor appears to be completionof homeworkin predictingsuccessfuloutcomeof programparticipation.

Parent Handout and Homework Assignments The handout reviews play resourcesnecessary to carry out play date assignmentsthat will begin in Session7. Many parentswill have these resources,so a cursoryreview may be all that is necessary.Reviewing this handout sometimes brings up specific questionsabout the assignmentsin upcomingsessions,especiallyplay dates. Thegroupleaderneedsto keepthe parentsfocused on the resourcesthey needto haveanddefer discussionof thesequestionsto future sessions. Parentsneedto rebuild their children'ssocial networks while concurrentlyensuringthat their child usesimportantsocialskills outsidethe treatmentsituation. Using good skills will not immediatelychangepeerliking for a child with a negativereputation.Beginningwith the call to a child not in the group and over the next few sessions,parentsshould be taught to identify signs of a negativereputationin the responses from peersat school (children don't invite their child to birthday parties, don't return calls, are not happyto speakwith their child on the telephone, and never seemto be available for play dates). If theyhavefound that their child hasa negative reputation,they are instructedto havetheir children maintain a "low profile" in order to let this reputationabate(while not provokingfurther negativeresponsesfrom peers).Instead,the treatment focus will be on establishingfriends in a new socialsituation,amongpeerswith which the child is unacquainted.This is doneunderparent supervisionto ensurethat it is done correctly.

1. Tell eachparentthat their child is learninghow to join other children already at play. Next week, they will begin to help this happenat homeand in school.If their child hasa negative reputation at school, they should find othersituationsfor their child to practicethis skill. 2. Review parenthandout.

Group LeaderGuide to ParentHandoutSession3-How ParentsSupportTheir Child's Friendships GOALS 1. To review ways in which parentsmay help their child's friendships. 2. To developresourcesneededfor future playmates. Long term studies show that your child's later adjustmentwill be better if he or she has two to three close friendships.Theseare bestto havein your neighborhood.Your child's skills at makingandkeepingclosefriends improve most from informal one-on-oneplay dates,not through organizedactivitiessuchasteamsor Scouts.[Tell parentsthat right now their children are learninghow to join other children already at play. Next week, parentswill help this happenat homeand in school. Our goals are (a) to give their child the skills to join and maintain group play and (b) to use the groups they join to generateleads for play dates. We are interestedin havingparentshelp their children meet well-behavedchildren. Studiesshow that having no friends at all may be better than having poorly behavedchildren as friends.] Ways ParentsCan Help (You Must Have All of These) [Help parentsproblem-solveiflacking on any resource after each point here.] 1. A suitableplacein housewhereyour child can playwith a friend, minimizing intrusionsfrom siblings, if this is a problem.3 2. Your child will need interactive activities or gamesthat he or she enjoys and that other childrenarealsolikely to enjoy. Theseinclude lParentsof limited economicresourcesmay lack a suitable place in the housefor a play date (lots of people may be living togetherin one apartmentor house).

"SLIPPING IN"/REPUTATION/USING COMMUNITY RESOURCES

boardgamesbut do not includevideo games or TV. [Say that we will not allow video games, computer,or Til. Ask if they have usableboard games,action figures, blocks. Sometimesboard gamesfall into disrepair as they are abandoned by boys in favor of computerand video games. Theseneedto be replaced now with newly purchasedboard games.] 3. Sourcesof potentialplaymates(Scouts,teams, school) from which children can be invitedyou will needto draw on one of thesein future sessions.[If parentssay they don't havea park or other after-schoolresource, have them drive around their neighborhoodthis weekendto look for a park with children playing who are no more than 1 year youngerthan their child, with whomtheywouldfeel comfortablethat their child played. Many parks change character with the time of day and day of the week. They may go back to the same park on a different day with better luck. If their child has a negativereputation at school,theymustfind neighborhoodplaces to practice this skill.] 4. Time availability for one-on-oneplay datesyour child will needto be availablefor potential play datesfor at least 2 to 3 hours on a weeklybasis.[Long-term studiesdon't showany benefit of activities like Scouts, teams, classes, and such on social adjustment(they are goodfor meetingnewacquaintances).It's moreimportant to carve out at least 2 hours betweenFriday and Sundayafternoonwhenchildren can havea play date than to be involvedin numerousscheduled activities.] 4

Parent Assignments 1. Calls to other group members,as in previous sessions.Checkfor endingcall properly: Childrenare told to listen for a pausein conversation, and then to say that they have to go. [Have parent check. The ending of the call has two parts (1) notice a pausein conversation(everyonehas run out of things to say), then say, "Well, I haveto go now, seeyou in school(etc.)"] 2. Your child is to have a two-way conversation on the phonewith a child not in the group: an easychild to reachand for whom you can arrangewith parents(e.g.,a cousinor child of a family friend). Determinewho this will be before you leave today. Resistmaking a play

/

79

date with this child. [Tell parents the best approach is to havethe child makethe in-group call first, practicingbeginningand endingthe call, and then call the child who is not in the group. Criteria ("gold standard")for selectingthis child are: (a) The other child should be the sameage and sex. (b) Their child's reputation entersinto the decision of whom to call. Parents shouldn'thave their child call childrenfrom settingsin which theyhavea negativereputation.Thisfirst outof-group call shouldbe aguaranteedsuccesssomeonewho likes the child and can talk on the phone. (c) Go after the "bestdeal" you can get with each parent. Parentsthink of someoneand suggest to their child at the end of the session.If child hasa betteridea, theycan usethe child's idea. The gold standardis for the out-of-groupcall to be with a same-sexchild, within 1 year of age, theyhaven'ttalkedto in a while that they would like to get to know better. If theyhaven't done this before, they can try a relative the sameage that they haven'tseenin a while. (d) The child needsto have two-way conversations. Discouragelists of questions,because this promotesinterviewingand children lose spontaneity.Parents can prepare their child by going over possiblequestionsto ask right before the call or actually rehearsea phone call with their child. (e) Cover story for the call: Start the call with questionslike what was the homeworkwe had assigned(if they are in the same class at school), what school are you going to in the fall, are you on soccerteam, and so on, and launch into trading information. Somechildren say to the child they are calling that they'remakingthe phonecall for a class.However, some children may not like being a "guinea pig," and this also adds an artificial connotation to the call. However, the most important thing is to get the call done. W Tell parentsto listenfor: Was the other child happyto receivethe call (if not to a relative)? Could the children figure out things they like to do together?Ifboth answerswereyes,then the child calledgoeson list as a potentialplay date. 4Time availability may be an issuefor middle-classparents who have scheduledtheir children in back-to-backactivities or who want to protect"family time" on the weekends.

80

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

3. Bring outside game from home, as in previous session. 4. Look aroundneighborhoodfor a placefor your child to join other children at play who are the sameageasyour child (or no more than1 year younger). 5. Add other neededresources-placeto play, interactive toys, free up time in child's schedule.

PotentialProblems

Large Age Difference One motheraskedabout a selectinga peerwho was 4 years older than her child and another parentsuggestedan older child basedon the idea that the older child "has very good skills." The parents'idea was that this older peer would "teachtheir child." The groupleaderturneddown thesesuggestions,stating that the teachinghas beendonein session,and the homeworkwas to haveparentscontinuethis teachingwith a child who may be a potentialfriend for their child.

Calling for a Play Date The parentof a third-gradeboy askedif her son could call a child with whom the child wantedto have a play date (as an out-of-group call). The group leaderaskedif the parent'schild hashad problemswith play dates.The mother agreed. The group leadertold her either to defer the call to this particularchild until the play dateat Session 7, or just haveher child call to get information now and put off schedulinga play date. We havegenerallydiscouragedparentsfrom allowing their child to prematurelyscheduleplay dates(eventhoughtheir child might be filled with enthusiasmregardingtheir successfulphonecall) due to the high risk of the child jeopardizinga potentialnew friendshipthrougha poorly setup and supervisedplay date.

Ill-at-Ease with PhoneCalls The mother of a fourth-gradersaid her son was very nervousabout making phone calls. It was decidedthat the first out-of-groupcall would be to their neighborwith whom the child plays frequentlyandwhom the child sawduring the past week.

No One to Call One child insistedthat he had no one to call, so a cousin was suggested,just as practice. They were aboutto visit this cousinfor a holiday. The group leader suggestedthey could utilize the phonecall to plan what they would do together during the visit.

ConcernAboutMeetingStrangers The motherof a second-grade boy wasconcerned that her son would meetchildren in a park with whom shewas unfamiliar. The group leaderaddressedthis with two responses.First, the idea was to practice joining other children at play under the mother'ssupervision.Theseencounters need not result in friendships. Second,in caseswhere children had a negativereputation at school, the strategywas to have them seek friends from new sources.

Child Session Plan 3 HomeworkReview Although the homeworkassignmentswere similar to thosereviewedduringthe last session,children have improved their conversational techniquesthrough being supervisedby their parentsduring the phonecall. They have more skills to get informationandsustainlongercalls. Many children will get excited in telling about the homework. 1. Reviewphonecalls to othergroupmembersgo aroundand have eachchild saywho they called and what they found out about the other child. 2. Check for trading information. Liken it to a gameof ping-pongor tennis-getinformation and give information, back and forth.

"SLIPPING IN"/REPUTATION/USING COMMUNITY RESOURCES

Clinical Examplesof SuccessfulTwo-Way Conversations Mission Accomplished A fifth-grade girl enthusiasticallyreported,"We found we havesevenor eight things in common. We like pets,playing outdoors,reading,and we like the sameTV shows." A sixth-gradeboy with Asperger'sdisorder reported,"I found out that he'scool. We like the samethings: basketballand computers."

PotentialProblems Rigid Time Limit on the Call One third-grade boy with Asperger'sdisorder thoughtthe call hadto be exactly10 minuteslong. He playeddetectivebut punctuatedthe call with the statements:"got 5 minutesleft," "got 2 minutes left," and "time's up, goodbye."The group leadermodeledthis and askedthe group what waswrong. Interestingly,the boy realizedhis own error when he saw the group leader neutrally portraying the behavior. At the end of session reunification, the child group leader told this boy's parentto remind him before the call that he neededto get and give information and that the durationof the call wasn'timportant.

"Boy Crazy" A sixth-gradegirl told the othergirls in the group shewas interestedin havinga boyfriend. Unlike the othergirls in the class,shewantedto call the boysin the classandhaveboysover for play dates. This may be a way of opting out of dealingwith other girls or having the upperhandin relationshipswith boys. The group leaderassignedonly girls to call and alertedthis girl's mom to monitor phone calls to insure that boys were not a topic of conversation.Discussingboys was also discouragedin classas a caseof beinga "conversationhog" (becauseothergirls may not want to talk aboutboys).

/

81

tional skills. Now beginsthe applicationof techniques to an unsuspectingchild outside the group.This call will be moredifficult becausethe other child doesn'thave to talk to or be nice to them, or even be home at the time of the call. This first call should be to someonethey would be comfortabletalking to, so that they are likely to be encouragedfor future calls to childrenoutside the group.

1. Have a two-wayconversationon the phonewith a child that is not in thegroup: The out-of-group call should be with someonethey haven't talked to in a while, whom they would like to get to know better.But the first call shouldbe to someonethey would be comfortabletalking with (someonethey have not spokento who is easyto approach-e.g.,an old school friend theyhaven'tseenfor a coupleof years). Have eachchild specifywho this will be. Tell them they will report an interestthey shared with this child next week. 2. They needa cover story for the call. It's best to start the call with things like getting the homework,finding out what schoolthe other child is going to in fall, are they on the soccer team-thenlaunch into trading information. But makethe call! 3. Rules for beginningand endingphonecalls: Begin: Say who you are and ask to speakto the other child. If an answeringmachine takes the call, leave a message(who you are, who you'd like to speakto [name of child], and your telephonenumber). End: Transitionstatement(suchas"I havegot to get to my homework," "Time for me to eat," "I've got to cleanup my room," or "I'll talk to you later," and add"Seeyou soon, bye"). Go aroundthe room and ask each child to say how they would begin and end a call. 4. Makepartnerassignments for the in-groupcall. 5. Tell childrento bring an outsidetoy againfor next session.

PotentialProblem

HomeworkAssignment

"Boy Crazy"

The children havehad two phonecalls to group membersto get the "bugs" out of their conversa-

A fifth-grade girl who had oppositionaldefiant disordersaid shewantedto call boys. The group

82

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

leaderrespondedthat the homeworkwas to call anothergirl the sameage as her or younger. A call to a boy wouldn't count as completedhomework.

Didactic The formal instructionon joining a groupof children already at play ("slipping in") begins. Presentthesestepssuccinctlyandavoid attempting to havethe children gleanthe stepsthrough the Socraticmethod(as most of the childrenwill not know the stepsto join).

Slipping In

When:Try to slip in when othersare playing, during lunchtime, before school, or after schoolis over. When not: Don't try to play with children when they are working or listening to the teacher(or other adult). Do: Watchthe groupnearby(showthat you're interestedin what they're doing without "butting in"), watch what they are doing and what the rules are to participate(are they taking turns,lining up?).Join by helping them play their game.Try anothergroup if the groupyou arewatchingis playing too rough. Don't: Ask questions(if you can't tell what's going on, don't bother the others). Don't mentionyourselfor your feelings(no one's interested).Don't disagreeor criticize (you're the outsider and have no right to do so). Don't clown aroundor be silly (this showsyou're not seriousaboutwantingto play and will be distracting).5

Clinical Example: Presentation of "Slipping In" GL: The first thing you'regoing to do is useyour eyes.Decideif you want to play-Are the childrenyou'rewatchingplayingby the rules?Are they playingtoo rough?You might want to find childrenwho don't play rough. GL: If you decideyou want to join them, begin to help them play their game. If the ball

bouncesout of play, first make sure it's "ok" to touch the ball. You might ask, "Hey guys, do you want me to get it for you?" Don't make noisesthat distract others like kicking poles or bouncingballs up and down when you're on the sidelines.Be patient-itmaytake a while for you to "slip in." GL: What if a child who is waiting says, " I'm waiting too long? [the group leader exaggeratesgesturesof anguishand dismay]. [Children are silent] GL: The answeris, "It's not the other children's problem that you are impatient or irritated." Even thoughsomeschoolshaverules that say "everybodyplaysor nobodyplays," somechildren"hold othershostage"by walking into the middle of the gameand saying ''I'm playing" or telling the teacherso that nobody gets to play. This alienatesothers.

Potential Problems Belittling the Techniques(Slipping In) "In my school we don't have to wait to join a game.We can just walk right in." The boy continued to repeatthat he didn't needto "waste" his play time by implementingthe techniques being taught. The group leader pointed out to this boy that he neededto try the techniqueswe are teaching. Prompts and time outs were utilized for this disruptivebehavioruntil it ceased.

Real Play The childrenwill generallytake too long to organize games(and theywon't know how to do this without beingbossyor settingup unfair teams), so prearrangedgameswith simple rules have great utility. You teachthe rules to the children quickly andsetup the structureto avoid rewarding children who are quick to take chargeand attemptto dominatepeers.The groupleaderthen has a better grasp of what's going on in the preplannedactivity so that the leadercan better instruct children as to how to slip in. Slippingin is practicedin the contextof the game"Prisoner." 'These rules are from Garvey (1984, pp. 164-165). See Chapter12 for more discussionon slipping in.

"SLIPPING IN"/REPUTATION/USING COMMUNITY RESOURCES

Clinical Example: Coaching "Slipping In" Rules GL [to child held backon the sidelines]:OK. You just came in late and thesekids are already playing. What'sthe first thing you shoulddo? Child: [quiet]. GL: Figure out the game and rules. What's the game? Child: Prisoner. GL: How many kids on eachteam? (Child): Four on that side andthreeon that side. GL: Who's playing better? Child: That side. GL: The ball just cameover, what shouldyou do? Child: Get the ball for themandthrow it to them. GL: Go ahead[child throws ball back]. Which side needsthe most help? Child: That side [pointing to the correct sidethe losing side that has fewer players]. GL: Whom should you ask to join and when shouldyou ask? Child: [points to child holding the ball] During a pausein the game. GL: Go ahead,ask at the next pause.

Potential Problems ExcludingOthers Somechildren at play will needcoachingnot to say "no" when being asked"can I play?" from a waiting child. The correct answersare either "yes," "wait a minute," or "you can join after the next point/atthe endof this game."The children are advisedthat their willingness toallow others to join will enhancetheir reputationamongpeers at schoolor in the neighborhood.

Resistantto RolePlaying Most children will go along with the "pretend" aspectof waiting on the sidelines,if it is introduced with some dramatic panache.But some children will say, "I don't want to play this. This is boring." In response,the group leader says,

/

83

"This is the activity, this is what you haveto do." Promptsand time out ensuefor continuednoncompliance.

The Principles Don't Apply in His School A sixth grader with Asperger'sdisorder stated after beingtaughtthe principlesof "slipping in," "In my school kids are aggressiveand get into lots of roughhousing-theylove to roughhouse when they are just getting to know you." The group leader'sreply was, "Your homework assignmentthis week is to look to join the nicer children at your schooland not to 'roughhouse' with them."

Refusingto Participate On the way to the deck,a sixth-gradeboy pouted, saying, "1 don't feel like playing." The coaches andgroup leaderdidn't look at him andignored this statement.Whenthe group reachedthe play deck,he crossedhis armsandtried to tell a group leaderthat he wasn'tgoing to play. Coachesand group leaderscontinuedto ignore this. He sat down on the volleyball court as the groupleader was telling the rules of the game to the group. The groupleadertold him to standup and come closer.He stoodup and camecloser,but as soon as the game started,he sat down on the court. The group leadertold him to standup. He complied but didn't start playing. After the game went on for a short while, he beganto participateand was disappointedthe gamedidn't continue when time was up.

The Toy as a Tool of Coercion 1 Some children will try to use their own toy to control everyone'splay. If things don't go their way, they will attemptto take their toy andleave ("If I don't get to go first then I quit and I'm taking my ball"). A child will try to do this when he is given a time out. In this case,the groupleader tells the child that the toy staysin the gamewhile he is in time out. In all cases,the group leader statesthat oncethe toy is in play it is everyone's toy.

84

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

The Toy as a Tool of Coercion2 Onechild insistedthat his toy shouldbe selected for usein the upcomingweek. The group leader repliedthat it would be impossiblefor the leader to use all the toys brought by the group membersin the scheduleddeck activities. Eachweek the leaderwill be picking the equipmentthat will be usedin the game.

likes the child they want him or her to call. Children may suggestsomeonewho doesn't like them (e.g., never returns their calls) or whom the parent thinks is poorly behaved. The parentshouldsuggestan alternativewithout statingwhy.

PotentialProblems Calling the Most Popular Child in the Class

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Begin by praising the children (as a group): "Today we worked on beginningand ending a call andslipping into a gameother children areplaying. I sawa lot of patientchildrentrying to learntheseskills. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. Read the in-group call assignmentsone by one, as in previoussessions,but stop parents from immediately starting to arrangethese calls with eachother. 3. Continuewith, "The major job everyonehas this week is to make a call to a child who is not in the group. Agree on this personwith your parent." 4. Together with coachesand parent group leader,checkwith eachparentandchild about who the child will call outsidethe group. (Negotiatefor the "bestdeal" andfor a "back-up" call in casethe first choiceisn't home.)Negotiating the out-of-groupcall may take longer thanusualfor homeworknegotiations.Some parentsmay not realize that their child dis-

The groupleaderaskeda second-grade boy with ADHD who he would call outside the group. When the child said the other boy's name, his mother mentionedthat the boy was the most popularboy in her son'sclass.The group leader saidthat he neededto comeup with anotherboy who would be more accessible.After some reluctance,the boy acceptedhis mother'ssuggestion.

"Parting Shots"by Parents As parentswere leavingthe session,one parent approachedthe groupleader,demanding,"I hope you're going to talk to us abouthow our kids are goingto get the phonenumbers"(or alternatively, "What happensif he doesn'twant to do the outside call?" or, "I can seemy son'spoint that this is too hardto do. Thereisn't anyonein the neighborhood") In thesecases,the group leadersuggests that the parent make their best effort at accomplishingthe homework as assignedand then bring up the issueduring the next parent group to get everyoneto help them.

"SLIPPING IN"/REPUTATION/USING COMMUNITY RESOURCES

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 3 How ParentsSupportTheir Child's Friendships GOALS:

1. To review ways in which parentsmay help their child's friendships 2. To developresourcesneededfor future playmates

Long-termstudiesshowthat your child's later adjustmentwill be betterif he or shehas2-3 closefriendships.Thesearebestto havein your neighborhood.Your child's skills at makingand keepingclosefriends improvemostfrom informal one-on-oneplay dates,not throughorganized activities suchas teamsor Scouts. Ways ParentsCan Help (You must haveall of these): 1. A suitableplacein housewhereyour child can play with a friend, minimizing intrusions

from siblings, if this is a problem. 2. Your child will needinteractiveactivities or gamesthat he or she enjoys and that other children are also likely to enjoy. Theseinclude board gamesbut do not include video gamesor TV. 3. Sourcesof potential playmates(Scouts,teams,school) from which children can be invited-you will needto draw on one of thesein future sessions. 4. Time availability for one-on-oneplay dates-yourchild will needto be availablefor potential play datesfor at least2 to 3 hourson a weekly basis. ParentAssignments 1. Calls to other group members,as in previoussessions.Check for ending call properly:

After a pausein conversation,saythat they haveto go. 2. Your child is to "play detective"on the phonewith a child not in the group-aneasychild to reachfor whomyou canarrangewith parents(e.g.,a cousinor child of a family friend). Determinewho this will be before you leave today. Resistmaking a play date with this child. 3. Bring outsidegamefrom home, as in previoussession. 4. Look aroundneighborhoodfor a placefor your child to join otherchildrenat play who are the sameageas your child (or no more than 1 year younger). 5. Add otherneededresources-place to play, interactivetoys, free up time in child's schedule.

/

85

86

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training The Rulesfor "Prisoner" Child Session3 GatherChildren 1. Tell the children in advancethat coachesand the group leaderwill be pulling children

out to wait on the side lines to practice"slipping in." 2. Tell childrenwhen they wait to "slip in" they shouldavoid complainingaboutnot getting in or engagingin silly or distractingbehavior. 3. Childrenwaiting to entercan get the ball when it goesout of boundsto "help the other children to play their game." Assign Sides 4. Assign equalnumbersof children on eachside of a volleyball net. Tell GameRules 5. The child who has the volleyball calls the nameof a child on the other side, then hits or throws the ball up high ("like the goldenarches")andover the net in orderto give a child on the opposingteama chanceto catchthe ball. 6. If the child whosenameis called or one of his or her teammatescatchesthe ball, he or sheremainsin. If not, then he or sheis out on the sidelines(a "prisoner"). 7. If there is only one personleft on one of the teams,he or she can call "jailbreak." He or she then throws the ball to the other side. If noneof the opposingteammemberscatch the ball, then all prisonersare releasedon his or her team. 8. If the final player missesa catch,then his or her side loses. Startthe Game 9. Startwith all kids playing the game. 10. Pull one child out andhavehim or her pretendto be a latecomerwho is watchinga game in progress.(Don't mix up latecomersand prisoners.) CoreInstruction 11. Emphasizewhosegameit is (the kids at play) and that only the kids at play can let new kids join in (kids shouldn'tstep into a gameand say "I'm playing" or attemptto change the rules or gameon entry). 12. Ask the child waiting questionssuch as "who is winning," or "which teamhasthe most kids," "which side shouldthey try to join" (Answer: losing side, or side with less kids), and "when should you ask to join" (Answer: when a game is completed,or during a pausein the gameor after a score). 13. Have the child ask to join after correctanswersto questions. Debriefingat the End of Game 14. Tell childrentwo strategiesfor eventuallygettingin: (a) If childrenarewaiting to join and don't get in becausethe gameends,tell them they can ask to join the next time the childrenplay. (b) As the gameplayersare dispersingthe child canask, "Are you going to play this at lunch [or at recessor tomorrow]?"

Taking "No" for an Answer/ Gender and Age Issues

Treatment Rationale

McAffer, Peters,andSchwartzman(1993)videotapedfifth- and sixth-gradechildren during 15 minutesof schoolrecesstwice per day. They observedthat children spentan averageof 60% of the time engagedin play (girls 54%, boys 66%) and were alone only an averageof 11% of the time. About 70% of play time wasspentin groups. Thus, children must be effective in entering a group at play. Successfulentryinto a groupat play involves not only getting to play with the group but also being liked by the group in order to have a better chanceof beinginvited in on the next attempt. Children who make inappropriateattemptsto join will havetheir entry attemptsresisted.Childrenwho enterby coercion(e.g.,gettingan adult to force the children to let them play) or who impulsively enter and attempt to take over the gamewill suffer socially in the long run.

Somerejectedchildren persistin trying to join peersat play evenwhen it hasbeenclearly communicatedthat they are unwelcome.This will only serveto makethemmoreunwelcomein the future, astheyareshowingthat theywill not consider the wishes of others. Parentsmay exacerbatethis problemby pressuringtheir child to try to makefriends in situationsin which they have a negativereputation(e.g., at school). Teachers also may compoundthis problem, coercingthe children at play to accept the rejected child, through lack of understandingof determinants of peerrejection.The treatmenthypothesisis that teachingchildren to acceptbeing turned down will allow a moreadaptiveapproachto this event that may make future entry bids more likely to be accepted.Educatingparentsas to how children successfullyjoin others at play will focus parentenergieson building child skills that are more likely to lead to friendships.

12.2 Problems of Rejected Children A child's entryinto groupsof childrenalreadyat play is one of the most challengingsituations identified by teachersand clinicians (Dodge, McClaskey,& Feldman,1985). Ladd (1983) observedthird- andfourth-gradechildrenat recess. He found that popularandaverageboysshowed moregroup play thanrejectedboys andall girls, whereaspopularandaveragegirls showedhigher

12.1 Joining Others at Play Accordingto Ladd andPrice (1993),the mostimportant aspectof the school playground at recessis that childrenarefree to chooseplaymates. They can move freely in and out of groups of childrenwho are playing. Serbin,Marchessault,

87

88

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

levels of social conversationthan rejectedgirls and all boys. When comparedto same sex acceptedchildren, rejectedboys spentmore time wanderingaimlessly, and rejected girls spent more time in solitary play near other children. Rejectedchildren were likely to seekout many different playmates,whereaspopular and average acceptedchildren were likely to stay with consistentplay partners.This is graphicevidence that joining other children at play is especially difficult for rejected children (Dodge, 1985; Putallaz& Gottman,1981).

Research on Joining Other Children at Play 12.3 Differences BetweenSuccessfuland UnsuccessfulEntries Successfulentriesinto a groupof childrenat play begin with low-risk tactics such as waiting and watching the other children play until positive feedbackfrom the playing peerspermits entry (Dodge,Schlundt,Schocken,& Delugach,1983; Garvey, 1984). The following are some rules of etiquettefor social entry: The Don'ts: don't ask questionsfor information (if you can't tell what'sgoing on, you shouldn't be botheringthosewho do); don't mentionyourself or stateyour feelings aboutthe group or its activity (they're not interestedat the moment); don't disagreeor criticize the proceedings(you haveno right to do so sinceyou're an outsider). The Do's: be sure you understandthe group's frame of reference,or focus (are they playing house?);understandthe participationstructure of the activity; slip into the ongoingactivity by making somerelevantcommentor begin to act in concertwith the othersasif you actuallywere a knowledgeablememberof the group; hold off on makingsuggestionsor attemptingto redirect until you arewell into the group. (Garvey,1984,

pp.164-165)

Acceptedchildrenarelikely to quietly attend to what the childrenareplaying (Putallaz,1983), to say things that fit in, to be supportiveof othersalreadyat play ("He's right-it's his turn"; Coie & Kupersmidt, 1983; Dodge, 1983; Tryon &

Keane, 1991), and to direct statementsto each child who is playing (Black & Hazen,1990). Rejected children are likely to disrupt an ongoing game by asking for information, disagreeing, demandingto includethemselves("I'll takeyour turn"), or otherwisedistracting and criticizing thosealreadyat play (Coie & Kupersmidt,1983; Dodge,1983;Putallaz,1983;Putallaz& Gottman, 1981; Tryon & Keane, 1991). Putallaz and Gottman(1981) providedthe following example of a rejectedgirl (Terry) trying to call attentionto her own feelings andbeingignoredby the other girls at play: Janet:Okay, I want this one again. Terry: This is fun ain't it? Janet(to Vera): Do you want this one again? Vera: I want this one. Terry: This is a nice room ain't it? Janet(to Vera): You can have this one here. Terry: This is a nice table isn't it? Janet(to Terry): Pick your one. (p. 993)

Differencesbetweenrejectedand accepted children are evident immediately after the unsuccessfulentry attempt. Children have been observedto be turned down in approximately half of entry attempts(Corsaro,1981). Our observationsare that rejectedchildren may try to coercetheir way into the group that had turned them down, whereasacceptedchildren seekanothergroupof childrenat play to attemptto enter. Rejectedand acceptedchildren also differ in wherethey attemptto join with others.Dodge, Schlundt, Schocken,and Degulach (1983) reportedthat rejectedboyswere more likely to try friendly approachesto peers in the classroom than on the playground,which was the reverse of the strategyfound for popular boys. These classroomapproacheswere not only likely to be turneddown, but if acceptedmight get both children in trouble with the teacherand lead to future rejectionby peers.

12.4 SexDifferences in Peer Entry In an experimentstudying peer entry, BorjaAlvarez, Zarbatany,andPepper(1991) observed the behaviorof the children at play (in this case

TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER/GENDER AND AGE ISSUES

a boardgame)as well as the child attemptingto enter.Their result,ssuggestthat boyswould have greaterdifficulty in the peerentry situationthan girls would. Theyobservedthat girls at play were substantiallymore likely than boys to invite an onlooker into their gamewhereasboys at play tendedto ignore onlookers(who had to get the players'attentionwith relevantcommentsin order to succeedin entry). They found that girls waiting to enterwere more responsiveto invitations to join than were boys. Peerentry may be easierwhen the children at play are well liked. Tryon andKeane(1991) observedthat well-liked boys at play tendedto ask boys attemptingto enterif they would like to join, whereasrejected boystendedto tell boysattemptingto enterwhat to do ("standhere," "wait until we finish"). Someof theseresultscontradictour clinical experience.Parentsof girls typically report that their daughtersare nearly totally excludedfrom girls' groups and sometimesfind inclusion in boys' groupseasier.The discrepancyof our parents'reportsfrom the studyfindings may be becausegirls typically aren't playing board games and thus the study girls weren't as concerned about continuingplay after the study was over. Also, as presentedearlier, girls in a naturalistic settingtendto be engagedmorein conversations during free time, whereasboys tend to play games.More naturalistic studies have yielded results consistentwith the observationsof parentsof childrenin our groups.EderandHallinan (1978) noted that 11- and 12-year-old girlswere less likely to include an unfamiliar girl in their interactionthan the sameagedboys.

12.5 Joining Younger Peers One interim solution for children who are unsuccessfulin peer entry is to attempt to join groupsof slightly youngerchildrenat play. Availableevidence,althoughon preschoolers,suggests this asa promisingapproach.Furman,Rahe,and Hartup(1979) selectedthe leastinteractive4-yearolds in a day care setting (probably mixing different sociometriccategories)to pair with same age or younger aged peersfor 10 play sessions over 4 to 6 weeks. Pairing with younger peers normalized the interaction rate (almost every

/

89

child improved), whereassame-agedpeer pairing had little effect. It is possible that many rejected children discover this phenomenonfor themselves.In comparisonto averageand popularchildren, rejectedchildren reportedhaving a larger proportion of younger friends (George & Hartmann, 1996). However,without properguidancemany rejected children become bossy with these younger playmatesand may not reap the full benefitsof the situationto developmore appropriate skills.

12.6 Cooperative Versus Competitive Games Many situations that boys try to join at recess are competitive games.Researchevidencesuggeststhat rejectedboys find this situationespecially difficult. Rejectedchildren seemto define the purposeof somegamesas"to win at all costs," without considerationthat the interactionwith the gamepartnermustgo smoothlyif the relationship is to continue(seealsothe discussionof social goalsin Chap.13; Ladd & Mize, 1983; Renshaw & Asher, 1983). Gameswith a large component of competition(Le., with teams)are more likely than cooperativegamesto evokethis "win at all costs" approach(Gelb & Jacobson,1988). Rejectedchildren are likely to behavebetter when playing cooperativethan competitive games.This resulthasbeenobservedfor aggressive (Gelb & Jacobson,1988; Tryon & Keane, 1991) and rejected children (Markell & Asher, 1984). Rejectedboys were less likely to break rules during cooperativeas opposedto competitive games(Gelb & Jacobson,1988). Perhapsas a result of seeingrejectedchildren function better, averagechildrenliked rejectedchildren more after daily participationwith them in cooperative tasks(Conoley& Conoley,1983).A productive approachin the early sessionsof children's friendshiptrainingis to avoid competitivegames and focus on cooperativegames,until children can be taught to reevaluatetheir social goals in competitive situations.Meanwhile they can be taught group entry skills, and, once they get in the cooperativegames,canmaintainpositive interactionsmore easily.

90

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

12.7 Cross-SexVersusSame-SexFriends Should rejectedchildren be encouragedto join play groupsof the oppositesex?Cross-sexfriends seemto be uncommonin elementaryschoolchildren (Gottman,1986; Maccoby, 1986; Maccoby & Jacklin, 1987). Howes (1988) found that crosssex friendships decreasedin prevalenceacross ages1 to 6. Kovacs,Parker,and Hoffman (1996) found that only a small minority of third- and fourth-gradechildren (13.5%) reportedhaving cross-sexfriendships,with no differencebetween boys and girls. Fourth through sixth gradersreport no cross-sexfriendships in children who form "cliques" (definedthroughpeernomination when eachmemberchoseand was chosenas a bestfriend by morethan66% of a small subgroup of children; Hallinan, 1980). Taking an extreme view, Carter and McCloskey (1984) have proposedthat cross-sex friendshipsviolate socialnormsandmay contribute to social ostracism.Ladd (1983) postulated that less socially competentchildren are more likely to violate gender boundaries.In partial support of this contention,boys have reported beingteasedmore thangirls for associatingwith cross-sexfriends (Langlois & Downs, 1979). Gottman(1986) assertsthat cross-sexfriendships may continue at home but be hidden during school hours. Similarly, Frankel (1996) has observedthat boys may maintain bestfriendships with girls through play dates at home but not group play during schoolrecesses(this was also proposedby Kovacs et al., 1996). Subsequentresearch(Kovacs et al., 1996) has not completely supportedthis contention. Kovacset al. found two patternsin childrenwho reportedcross-sexfriendships.One patternwas a rejectedchild who hada cross-sexfriend astheir only friend or very bestfriend. This was consistent with Ladd's (1983) position. But children who had only cross-sexbest friends were more sociallycompetentthanchildrenwho hadno best friends at all. The otherpatternwasthat of a wellliked child who reportedcross-sexfriendships as best (but not very best) friends. These childrenwere also ratedas more socially competent than otherwell-liked childrenwithout cross-sex friends. Otherevidencealsoindicatesthat crosssexfriends may haveimportantcontributionsto

maketo socialcompetenceof acceptedandpopular children. Canadian10- to 12-year-oldboys were more intimate with other boys when they participatedin more communalactivities, less teamsports,andhadfemalefriends (Zarbatany, McDougall, & Hymel, 2000). Otherdeterminantsof cross-sexfriendships havebeendelineated.Kovacset al. reportedthat cross-sexfriendshipswere not significantly relatedto the numberof cross-sexsiblings or child self-esteem.Cross-sexfriendships were more commonamongAfrican Americansthanamong whites,but mainly due to African Americansreporting more friendshipsin general.Bukowski, Gauze, Hoza, and Newcomb (1993) demonstratedthat common interestsinfluence these cross-sexfriendships. Fourth- and sixth-grade girls who preferredgrossmotor play were more likely to have male friends whereasboys who disdainedgrossmotor play were more likely to havefemalefriends. Theyalsoshowedthat crosssex friendships are driven more by a liking of particular opposite-sexpeers than a dislike of same-sexpeers. In summary,it is clear that althoughcrosssex friendshipshave beneficial effects upon social competence,friendless children should be encouragedto join same-sexgroups playing in public places.

12.8 ParentRolesin Their Child's Peer Group Entry Parentscan make an important contribution to how their childrenapproachthe peerentry situation. Parentsof rejected,neglected,and averagechildrenmay differ in how theyinstructtheir children to make new friends and how they supervisetheir children'sattemptsat joining play groups. Russell and Finnie (1990) found that mothers of neglectedchildren were less likely thanmothersof popularchildrento give adequate instructionsto their child to facilitate group entry. Finnie and Russell (1988) found that mothers of acceptedchildren supervisedpeer entry by having their child adopt the peers'frame of referenceand join the play without disrupting it. In contrast, mothers of rejected children tended to disrupt the peer activities and employedmoreintrusive,hostiletacticsto help their

TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER/GENDERAND AGE ISSUES /

child join the play. Thus it is important to provide parentswith the detailsfor how peer-group entry can be successful.

12.9 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Previousresearchjustifies the importanceof instructing friendless children on how to enter groups of other children at play. Following the rulesof etiquettehelpsensureacceptance in play groups: (a) waiting and watching while understandingthe group'sframe of referenceandhow the grouphasstructuredthe activity, (b) making relevantcommentsbasedon this knowledge,and (c) being supportiveof others (when a rejected child is alreadyat play he shouldbe considerate of others attemptingto join in; he should acknowledgechildren who are trying to join, and allow themto enter).Researchalsosuggeststhat beingturneddown is commonplaceevenamong acceptedchildren. It should not be viewed as a failure, but rather an occasionto act appropriately so that future bids will be less likely to be turned down. There is a strong indication that slightly youngerpeers(probablyno more than a yearyounger)maybe helpful in the initial acquisition of peergroupentryskills. Parentsmayplay a role in maintaininginappropriatetypesof peer approaches andmustbe educatedasto how children can successfullyjoin others atplay. Researchsuggeststhat cross-sexfriendships shouldbe maintainedbut that friendlesschildren should focus mostly on developing same-sex friendships.One reasonis that most group play is amongsame-sexpeers.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now

Children have begunto learn someof the rules for successfulpeer entry. Parentshave focused on where this will take placeand havebegunto look at their homesandneighborhoodsasplaces in which their childrenwill play with peers.Parentshavecontinuedto help their child honetelephoneand conversationalskills for future usein making play dates.

91

In This Session

This is the first time parentsand children will report on an out-of-group call. The review of homeworkwill emphasizethis assignment.The play focus will continuethe instructionon joining otherswho are alreadyat play andaccepting beingturneddown in entrybids. Parentsshould begin to focus on who should be invited for a potentialplay date.

Parent Session Plan 4 Initial Gathering Checkchild toys as they come in. Have parents 1 hold toys that are in excludedcategories.

Homework Review The goal is to surveyother children for a potential play date, so that each week the children should call a different child who is not in the group. 1. There are four homework assignments(not including outsidetoy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth. Ask the group as a whole, "Did anyonehavea goodconversation with their child on the way home from the last sessionthey would like to tell us about?" Reviewthesebut don't askeveryone,because this will take too much time. 2. Ask eachparentto very briefly tell abouttwoway conversationsduring the in-group call. Go into more detail for the assignmentfor the out-of-group call: Was it a two-way conversation-askingquestionsand answering questions?2Was the other child interestedor excited by the call? Did the children have things to talk about?The affect of the other lDangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, SuperSoakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards,toy guns; Too good a toy-expensivetoy that will upsetthe child if lost or damaged. 2It's moreimportantto havea goodout-of-groupcall than an in-group call, becausethe child may want to know the child he or she is calling outsidethe group, whereascalls to group membersare not by the child's choice and are only for the purposeof practice.

92

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

child is important. If the other child was known from school and rude to their child on the phone,it could be a sign of a badreputation. On hearinga negativeexperiencelike this from a parent,statethe following to the group: "If a child hasa bad reputation andhe or she starts doing everything right, it will likely still take a coupleof monthsfor others to realizethis andstop avoidinghim or her. If he or shetries harderto be friendly andforces the issue, it will guaranteea failure experience.In this case,the bestthing is to 'lay low' and find some other place for your child to practiceskills wherethe other children don't know him or her. It's betterfor him or her to have a chanceto join rather than a guaranteedfailure with childrenhe or sheknows." 3. Ask aboutneighborhoodparksthey found for "slipping in" homework (if a parent found none then the parent should try again this week.Ask other parents in the groupfor help, if necessary,with locations of good parks}.3 Tell parentstheir child will be readyto attempt to "slip into" other children at play in their neighborhoodafter the next session. 4. Next out-of-groupcall-haveparentsidentify a child who has potential to be invited as a playmatefor the next out-of-group call (the "gold standard"}-perhapssomeonetheir child usedto play with and hasn'tseenin a while.4 Clinical Examples of Homework Compliance

Examplesoj SuccessfulOut-oj-Group Calls Parentsgenerally do a nice job of supervising "give and take" in conversations.One mom promptedher third-gradeboy with a whisperto let the other child speak. Another passedher fifth-grade daughtera note saying,"you needto ask questions." A fourth-gradeboy hada classprojectto do with anotherboy. He called this boy and asked his questionsbefore they startedtalking about the project at school. A third-gradegirl was to get togetherwith girls she hadn't seenin a while for an Indian Guide reunion. She called one of the girls she was aboutto seeprior to the reunion.

A fifth-grade girl had a negativereputation in schoolandin her Girl Scoutgroup. The mom picked a girl from the girl's kindergartenlist she hadn'tplayedwith in a long time. This family had moved60 miles away.The call went successfully.

PerfunctoryIn-Group Call, Then Good Out-oj-Group Call Two fourth-gradeboysin the grouptalkedto each other for about 2 minutes (shorterthan the 10minute phone call that has been encouraged). Then eachwent on to havea successfulcall with a boy outsidethe group. The group leader emphasizedthatthis wasa completesuccessbecause it was more important to have a good out-ofgroup call.

AvoidingTelephoneTag A mother of a second-gradeboy reportedthat her son tried to call a neighboracrossthe street twice without success.Shethen calledthe other mom herselfand arrangedto have her son call when sheknew the other child would be home. The childrenwere thenableto talk to eachother on the phone.

IncreasingIncentive A motherof a third-gradeboy reportedoffering her son$3 if he broughthomethreephonenumbersof other boys he liked at school. Potential Problems

UnsupervisedOut-oj-Group Call The motherof a fifth-grade boy with AD HD said 3Badplacesfor joining: (a) the beach,on vacation-because children come from all over and may not provide sustainable friends; (b) childrenbeingsupervisedby an adult (e.g., the adult may interfere; (c) the birthday parties)-because library, bookstore-because peopleexpectsilence. -If childrenwerenot ableto call a child outsidethe group, select a closer friend or cousin, just to break the ice and have a success.If they were able to make a call to a child they know slightly and it went well, have them selectanother child for this week, so that they can add to their list of potential play-datecandidates.You should continueto make the "best deal" to get them to approachthe "gold standard"more closely on eachsuccessivecall.

TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER/GENDER AND AGE ISSUES

her son madea play date from his out-of-group call, but that shewas not hometo supervisethis call. The group leaderpointed out that parents need to be there to attend to how the call was receivedby the other boy and ensurethe child had a two-way conversation.Did this play date come about becauseher son coercedit and the other boy didn't think it was a good idea? Did the otherchild insist on the play dateeventhough her son wasn't thrilled about it? The quality of the exchangewas unknown, yet this was very important information. The mom agreedto superviseall future calls.

Child EvadingSupervision A fifth-grade girl insistedon privacy for her outof-group call. The mom acknowledgedthat she wasn't even sure if her daughterhad actually madethe call. The groupleadersaidthat privacy might be a reasonablerequestif her daughterhad many previous appropriatecalls that had been monitored by the mom. The group leader emphasizedthat the mom neededto hearhow the phonecall went andthat shecouldtell her daughter that unsupervisedphone calls would not count as completedhomeworkat this time.

Supervisedbut Not Controlled by Parent A sixth-gradeboy calledseveralotherboys. During eachcall, he insistedon askingeachone for a play date.His mom reportedthat sheknewthat this was inappropriate,but didn't know how to stop him. Another mom in the group suggested giving him a date for which he could make the play date (in 3 weeks).

Calling at a Bad Time 1 One fifth-grade girl waited until the last minute to do the out-of-group call. She made the call while she had a guest over. The group leader pointedout the breachin etiquetteandsuggested that the mom make her do it earlier next week, perhapssaying she couldn't watch her favorite TV show until her homework assignmenthad beencompleted.

/

93

Calling at a Bad Time 2 A second-grade girl reacheda girl from her class while the other girl was entertainingthree friends. She continuedto have a two-way conversationin spiteof this. The mom saidshewould encourageher daughterto makean appointment to call backat a bettertime if this happenedagain.

AwkwardConversation Onefifth-grade girl (functioningsociallyat about third grade) called anothergirl she hadn't spoken to in a year. Sheabruptlystartedaskingquestions asif conductinganinterview, suchas"What do you like to play?" and "What movies do you like?" Mom saidthis didn't go oververy well with the othergirl becausethe othergirl expectedthat her daughteralready knew this information basedon their previous experiencestogether. After thinking briefly about this, the mom devised a strategyto make the phonecall less formal and uncomfortableby refreshing her daughter'Smemory about the last time that her daughterandthe call recipientweretogetherand by rehearsing,askingthingslike "What haveyou beendoingsincelastyear?"and"Do you still like Britney Spears?"

HBoy Crazy" A motherof a fifth-grade girl complained(in privateto oneof the groupleaders)that the topic of conversationher daughterwas having with anothergirl during their in-group call was how the other girl was kissing boys after school. Her daughterdidn't wish to talk about this and the mom didn't wish to bring it up in sessionand possiblymake the other girl's mom feel uncomfortable. The group leader suggestedthat the mothertell her daughterthat shecould say,"Talking aboutboysis not our homeworkassignment." During homeworkreview the other girl's mom was urgedto monitor her daughter'scalls more closely.

Parent Handout The handoutfor this sessioneducatesparentson the specific "rules of etiquette"that averageand

94

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

popular children use when they join groups of children at play. This is doneso that parentswill have an adequatefoundationwhen supervising the "slipping in" assignmentthat will be made during Session5. It may give parentsa clearer idea of what to look for when they searchtheir neighborhoodthis weekfor placesfor their child to carry out the assignmentnext week.

Group LeaderGuide to ParentHandoutSession4-How Children Make New Acquaintances GOAL To inform parentsabout group entry strategies taughtto their children.

Studies have identified the ways popular and acceptedchildren successfullyjoin groups of other children at play. The strategiesthey have are much different from those of children who are frequently rejected. [Tell parents that we will

teach their child to do what the accepted/popular children do. Demonstratehow competentadultsmeet new people, using a parent sitting near the group leader: "Supposeyou're at a party, where you don't knowanyoneand peopleare talking in groupsoftwo and three. First you walk up close enoughto show that you are interestedand listenfor how interesting and at what level the conversationis (demonstratea comfortabledistancewith the parentsitting nearyou a.nd only look at this parent while you say the next lines). You are seeingif you would like to join and figuring out how you can contribute. How do you know you havebeenaccepted?The othersstart looking at you when they talk, ask questions,or direct statementsto you (as you are talking, look awayfrom the parent and toward the rest of the group). If they don't, then perhapstheydon't want outsidersin their conversation.If you don't like the conversationor can't contributeor they don't look at you, then walk on to anothergroup. No one'sfeelingswill be hurt. If you hangaround, you wait for a pausein the conversation and saysomethingthat contributes.Popular/ acceptedchildren do this: youngerchildren through play and older children through conversation.Neglectedchildren don't get closeenoughto showthey are interested.Rejectedchildren barge in, play keepaway with the ball, and get others upset."]

Do's and Don'ts of Group Entry 1. When and where: Do try to join in when others are playing, duringlunchtime,or beforeor after school. Don't try to playwith kids whentheyareworking or listening to the teacher(or other adult).

children try to makefriends at the wrong timesand places.If your child is rejectedat school, he or sheprobablyhasa bad reputation.For now, don't encouragehim or her to makefriends at school,but rather to practiceskills with newchildren.] [~ejected

2. How: Do watch the group nearby(show that you're interestedin what they're doing without "butting in") andunderstandwhat theyare doing (playinghouse,basketball)andwhat the rules are to participate(are they taking turns, lining up?). Do praise the other kids (great shot, nice try ... ) Do join by helping them play their game. Wait for a break in the activity and say something that showsyou know the game(Do you needanotherguy on your team?).

[Which side do you pick to try to join-the winning sideor the losing side?Rejectedchildren pick the winning side-the side that needsthe least help. Theygo into play with the strategy"win at all costs,"whereasthe accepted/popularchildren go in with the idea that maintainingcontinuing relationshipsis more important than winning.] Don't ask questionsfor information (if you can'ttell what'sgoingon don't botherothers); don't mention yourself or your feelings (they're not interested at the moment); be seriouswhen meetingnew children (clowning around tells them you're not really interestedin playing).

[Through watching on the sidelines, children shouldfigure out the gamestructurewithout intruding on the game.] Don't disagreeor criticize or tell them what to do (you'rethe outsiderandhaveno right to do so). 3. Take "no" for an answer-Onaverage,children are told this 50% of the time. [This is not "re-

jection," it is being turned down. If they accept

TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER/GENDER AND AGE ISSUES

this gracefully, they will be more likely to be allowed in the next time.j5 4. Successfulgroup entry can only be doneby the child. Direct attemptsby parentsto help will generallybe unsuccessfulor counterproductive. [Tell parentstheyare to just watchfrom a distance.] 5. Your child will be askedto slip into a groupof children after next session.

ParentAssignments 1. Calls to other group membersas in previous

sessions. 2. Play detectivewith a new personoutsidethe group. 3. Bring outsidegamefrom homeas in previous session. 4. Drive aroundyour neighborhoodlooking for a playgroundwith children the sameage as your child or 1 year younger.Do not discuss this with your child until after next session.

Potential Problem

Talking AboutFeelingsAboutBeingTurned Down The father of a third-graderwith Asperger'sdisorder asked, "Are you going to talk about the child's feelings aboutbeing turned down?" The group leaderreplied, "We focus on what to do ratherthan on feelings. Focusingon what to do teacheschildren behaviorsthat are likely to pay off. Focusingon their feelings is likely to be a distractionfrom the true task at hand and may magnify thosefeelings. You're lucky to get children to focus on one thing at a time."

/

95

2. Call a newchild that is not in thegroup (tell them it might be someonethey might invite over for a play date-butthey are not to makeplay datesyet). Have eachchild specify who this will be. Theywill be askedto presenta shared interestnext week. 3. Discussthe "cover story" for the call-getting the homework, "What school are you going to in the fall?," "What time is the soccerpractice/game?"andthenhow to launchinto trading information. The most importantgoal is to get the call done. 4. Level of disclosure: Tell children, "When you are just getting to know someone,you need to find things you both like and dislike. You also need to keep some secrets-gettingtoo personaltoo fast will not be liked by children you barely know." Have children discussexamples. Clinical Examples of Homework Compliance

ExamplesofReportsof Trading Information "He likes soccerand I like it, but neither of us are on soccerteams.""His favorite sport is basketball and we were on the same basketball team."The groupleaderpraisedthe childrenfor not gettingtoo personal.

Examplesof Call Endings

HomeworkReview

"He [the other boy] had to go eat dinner." A third-gradeboy with Asperger'sdisorder: "I thoughteatingdinnerwhile talking wasa little dangerous,so I said I haveto go eat dinner now, bye." A third-gradegirl: "Well, I have to go visit my cousinnow." The group leader praisedthe children for explaining to their peerswhy they had to dis-

1. Reviewin-group andout-of-groupcalls-each child says who they called and what they found out about the other child. Check for trading information and how they began and endedthe phonecall.

SThe most difficult point for someparentsis the idea that their child may be turned down in their entry bid. The group leadershould distinguishthis from "rejection" and "normalize" the experience,pointing out that peerswill also turn down children who are popular.

Child SessionPlan 4

96

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

continuethe phonecall. The very last things said could be, "Call you later" or "Seeyou at school." Potential Problem

Overexclusion One fifth-grade girl said she only wantedto call a specific other girl because"She'smy new best friend." The group leader discouragedthis by sayingthat the homeworkis to call anothergirl and that it is important to get the homework done.The groupleaderaskedwhom elsethe girl would call next week if she couldn't reach her first choice.

Didactic Last sessionfocusedon stepsto groupentry. This sessionwill continueto practicegroupentry and teach children how to view and handle being turneddown.

1. Saythat you're going to practice"slipping in" this week and review the following with the children: Do slip into an activity by making a relevant commentor begin to act in concertwith others (get the ball for them when it goesout of boundsand throw it back). Wait for a break in the activity or beforeit begins.When asking to play, say somethingthat shows you know the game("Can I play Capturethe Flag too?" "Do you need another guy on your team?"). Don't tell them what to do or make suggestionsuntil you're playing for a while. 2. Peersmay not want to play just then but they may want to play later. Ask the group, "How many times will other kids usually say 'no' if you askto join 10 differentgroupsof kids playing?" (Answer: 5-about112 the total number of requests.) 3. Have children think of reasonsfor being turned down. Use a Socratic method. Make sure you cover all the reasonsin the chart below. 6

Reasonsfor being turned down

What to do next time

(a) Somethingyou did to them before (rejected them, got them in trouble with the teacher, etc.)

Treat othersas you would havethem treat you

(b) Disobeyedone of the rules for 'slipping in'

Use the rules next time

(c) Other child too popular,too athletic, not interestedin the samethings you are

Pick other children

(d) Other child doesn'twant to meetnew friends

Pick other children

(e) They misunderstoodwhat you wantedto do

Say it differently, e.g., they say "no" and you point out that they are short two people on their side

(f) You playedtoo rough and hurt other kids

Watch out for othersand show concernwhen they are hurt

(g) They didn't feel like playing with you just then

Try againlater

6Some children will say, "becausethey'remean."Although this may be true, it is more instructive to show them that their behaviorcan have an effect on current as well as fu-

ture attemptsto entergroupsof childrenat play. The leader continuesto ask, "What might a child have done to make other children say 'no'?"

TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER/GENDER AND AGE ISSUES

/

97

Homework Assignments

End-of-SessionReunification

1. Trade information during the in-group and out-of-groupcalls. 2. Bring outsidegame.

1. Announceto parents,"Today we worked on 'slipping into' a game other children were playing. I saw a lot of children waiting patiently to slip in. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. Assign the in-group calls one by one, as in previoussessions,but stop parentsfrom immediatelystartingto arrangethesecalls. Continue with, "The major job everyonehas this weekis to makea call to a child who is not in the group. Agree on this personwith your parent." 3. Check to make sure each child and parent agreeon whom to call.

Real Play This portion has them attempt to join and get turned down in order to practice the new idea presentedduringthe didacticportion. Settingup two concurrentgamesaddsmorerealismto practicing seekingother childrenplaying after being turneddown. Try to avoid havingthe childrenat play sayingno, becauseyou want to teachthem to invite othersin, consistentwith whatwell-liked children do in this situation. 1. Soccer/Basketball(seerules sheet) 2. Taking "No!" for an answer.

98

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 4 How ChildrenMake New Acquaintances GOAL: To inform parentsaboutgroup entry strategiestaughtto their children. Studieshaveidentified the ways popularandacceptedchildrensuccessfullyjoin groupsof other children at play. The strategiesthey have are much different from those of children who are frequentlyrejected. DO'S AND DON'TS OF GROUPENTRY 1. When andwhere: Do try to join in when othersare playing, during lunchtime,or beforeor after school. Don't try to play with kids when they are working or listening to the teacher(or other adult). 2. How:

Do watch the group nearby (show that you're interestedin what they're doing without "butting in") and understandwhat they are doing (playing house,basketball)and what the rules are to participate(are they taking turns, lining up?). Do praisethe other kids (greatshot, nice try ... ) Do join by helping them play their game.Wait for a break in the activity and say something that showsyou know the game(Do you needanotherguy on your team?) Don't ask questionsfor information (if you can'ttell what'sgoing on don't botherothers); don't mentionyourselfor your feelings (they'renot interestedat the moment);be serious when meetingnew children (clowning aroundtells them you're not really interestedin playing). Don't disagreeor criticize or tell themwhat to do (you'rethe outsiderandhaveno right to do so). 3. Take "no" for an answer-50%of the time children are told this. 4. Successfulgroup entry can only be done by the child; direct attemptsby parentsto help will generallybe unsuccessfulor counterproductive. 5. Your child will be askedto slip into a group of children after the next session. ParentAssignments 1. Calls to other group membersas in previoussessions. 2. Play detectivewith a new personoutsidethe group. 3. Bring outsidegamefrom homeas in previoussession. 4. Drive aroundyour neighborhoodlooking for a playgroundwith children the sameageas your child or 1 year younger.Do not discussthis with your child until after next session.

TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER/GENDER AND AGE ISSUES

/

Children's Friendship Training Rulesfor Soccer Child Session4 GatherChildren 1. Tell the children the plan is for them to get "turned down" the first time they try to slip in and then be allowed to play after the secondtime (with anotherplaying group). 2. Gatherchildrenin two groupsfor two concurrentgames(suchas onesmall gameof soccer and one gameof basketballor handball). Assign Sides 3. The group leaderchooseschildren for eachteam. 4. Assignthe two teamsas evenlyaspossible,basedon children'sathletic talentsandpick the first goalies(children seldomwant to be goalie becausethe goalie staysin one place). Tell GameRules(Soccer) 5. Children haveto passconstantlybetweenat leasttwo children. 6. Children are not allowed to bump, play with physical aggression,kick a ball directly into anotherchild, or dive at the ball recklessly(give promptsand time outs for this). 7. Do not keepscoreand direct children not to. 8. Excessiveandinappropriatecelebrationafter scoringreceivestime outs-eventhoughsome children will complainthat they are mimicking World Cup/professionalsoccerbehavior. Start the Game 9. Startthe secondgame(handballor basketball)usingtwo or threechildren (betterdoneout of view of the soccerplayers).Tell the children playing that this is an informal gamewith no teams. 10. Start the soccergame.Encourageeachteamto rotategoaliesregularly and by themselves. If this doesn'thappenspontaneously,help them do it. 11. Monitor the soccergameclosely.If one playeris left out of scoringgoals,stopthe gameand ask the teamhow they are going to work the child into the next goal. 12. Consequences: Ball hoggingor trying to keep score= 2-minute time out; Aggression,excessbumping,and dangerousplay = 5-minutetime out. CoreInstruction 13. Coachthe childrenon the sidelinesto attendto the gameand retrievethe ball if it goesout of boundsand return the ball to the players ("help them to play their game"). 14. Ask the child on the sidelinesquestionssuchas "who is winning," or "which teamhasthe most kids," "which side should you try to join" (Answers: losing side, or less kids), and "when shouldyou ask to join" (Answers:when a gameis completed,during a pausein the gameor after a score). 15. Have the child ask to join but interveneand pretendsomeonehas turned the children down, then havethe child go to the other (basketballor handball)gameand join successfully, after having the child watch the gameand figure out when to ask to join. Pull two childrenout of the basketbalVhandball gamesayingthey just tried to join andwere turned down. Take them over to the soccergameand havethem watch and join successfully. 16. After the initial two children join, pull two more children out, saying that they just got turneddown when they askedto join andrepeatthe "slipping in" procedureuntil all of the children have practiced"slipping in" and cycled through the soccerand basketball/handball games.

99

Rules of a Good Sport/Social Goals

Treatment Rationale Utilizing the proper stepsto joining other children at play will only take childrento the beginning stage of being a good playmate. Good sportsmanshipwill help children to be enjoyed more by their playmates.Some children seem more consistentin their good sportsmanship than others. Others seem to "forget." Good sportsmanshipcan be seenas a set of goals and priorities.It is clearthat by secondor third grade, children can formulate goals and devise strategies as to how to obtain their chosengoals.The treatmenthypothesisis that children become betterplaymatesby betterprioritizing their goals for interactionsto obtain satisfying continuing relationshipswith peers.

13.1 Definitions and Nature of Social Goals It is usefulto think of a child's approachto peers

as determinedby goals that the child hopesto gain from the interaction.Socialgoals canbe operationally defined as objectivesthat children strive to attain or avoid in different social situations. Researchhas shown that social goals are situation-specific(e.g.,McFall, 1982;Renshaw& Asher, 1983). For instance,hostile goals may be absentfrom first meetingsbut presentin conflict situations.Socialgoals,togetherwith skills,

knowledgeandattributionsof other'sintent, are thoughtto guide children'sbehaviorandvalues (cf. Erdley & Asher,1996;Zarbatanyet al., 1990). Good sportsmanshipcan be defined as a set of social goalsthat elevatethe importanceof relationshipswith game matesover the outcome of the game. Good sportsmanshipis especially important in competitivegames.Competingin order to achievetask mastery(i.e., "I'm improving at this game") is distinct from competition motivatedby social comparison(i.e., "I'm better than you"). Peer nominationsof third graders (Tassi & Schneider,1997) indicated that task masterywas associatedwith acceptanceand prosocial behavior, whereassocial comparison was associatedwith being rejectedand being seenas aggressive.Thus, good sportsmanshipis a set of goals and priorities that include close adherenceto the rules of the contestin order to masterthe skills and hone one's own abilities, while being considerateof others.

Research on the Influence of Sodal Goals 13.2 Using Social Goals to Predict Peer Ratings The presenceof socialgoalscanbe inferredfrom consistenciesin behavior. However, it is more 100

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/SOCIAL GOALS

convincingto show that responsesgearedto asforsessingsocialgoalsin a question-and-answer mat correlateswith overt behavior.Melnick and Hinshaw (1996) interviewed 6- to 12-year-old boys with ADHD and comparisonboys about their social goalsbefore they were aboutto play a game of "foosball." Correlationwith peer liking was positive for the statedgoal of "wanting to cooperate"and negative for "not afraid of trouble," despite the observationthat many of theseboys reportedwanting to be liked by others.The socialgoal of avoidingconflict with best friends discriminatedchildrenwith moreversus fewer best friends (Fonzi, Schneider,Tani, & Tomada,1997; Rose& Asher, 1999).

13.3 Social Goals of Different Types of Children and Situations Researchers arebeginningto cataloguethe more salientsocial goalsof different types of children in different situations.During competitivegame play, rejectedchildren seemto attacha high priority to "winning at all costs,"without consideration that the interactionwith the gamepartner go smoothly so as to continue the relationship (Ladd & Mize, 1983; Renshaw& Asher, 1983). Aggressiveboys prioritize the goals of retaliating, makingotherslook bad, having themselves look strong, and protectingthemselves (Erdley & Asher, 1996; Lochman, Wayland, & White, 1993). Erdley & Asher (1996) found that withdrawn children attacha high priority to the goal of staying away from a child to which they attribute hostile intent. In a situationin which the intent of anotherchild is ambiguous(knocking over of a child's project), both aggressiveand withdrawn children tendedto attribute hostile intent, whereaschildren lacking either of these characteristicstendedto attribute accidentalintent (Erdley & Asher, 1996). Subsequentresponseswere different sinceaggressivechildren gave precedenceto retaliation whereaswithdrawn children gaveprecedenceto avoidance. Melnick & Hinshaw(1996) notedthat prior to competitivegameplay, highly aggressiveboys with ADHD rated "not afraid of trouble" and "having fun even if it meansbreakingrules or teasingkids" much higher than the low-aggres-

/

101

sive boys with ADHD and comparisonboys. Conversely,a lower proportionof highly aggress.ive boys chose"playing fair" than ADHD boys without aggressionand comparisongroup boys (1996, p. 177). This suggeststhat aggression ratherthanADHD is moredirectly relatedto peer problemsin this context. Childrenwho differ in social statusmay attach differing priorities to prosocial and antisocial goals (Erdly & Asher, 1996),basedpartly on how successfulthey feel they will be obtaining them. Crick & Ladd (1990) found that rejected third- and fifth-grade children tendedto focus moreon goalsthat obtainedtangiblerewardsand lesson relationship-enhancing goalsin comparisonto averagestatuspeers(cf. Renshaw& Asher, 1983). Crick & Ladd (1990) hypothesizethat this was becauserejectedchildrendoubttheir ability to enhancerelationships(i.e., "I might as well just concentrateon winning the game because noneof these kidswill want to be my friend anyway"). Relatedto this hypothesis,Perry, Perry, andRasmussen (1986) found aggressivechildren to be more confident than nonaggressivechildren that aggressionwill reduce subsequent negativebehaviorfrom peers.

13.4 Interventions Focusing on Changing Social Goals Gameswith a large componentof competition (i.e., with teams) are more likely than cooperative gamesto evoke a social goal of "winning at all costs" in socially rejectedchildren (see also Chap.12.6; Gelb & Jacobson,1988). Supporting this observation,Conoley and Conoley (1983) found that sociometrically averagechildrenliked rejectedchildren more after daily participation with themin cooperativeasopposedto competitive tasks.Therewas no evidenceof generalization to competitivesituations,probablybecause no attemptwas made to changesocial goals in these moreproblematicsituations. Two studies demonstratedthat changing social goal orientationwas a powerful intervention for rejectedchildren. OdenandAsher (1977) focused on coachingchildren to have fun and makesurethe gamepartnerhadfun aswell. The positive impact of this instruction remainedat

102

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

the I-year follow-up, despiteit being a brief intervention (six 25-minute sessions).Hupp and Reitman(1999) useda token systemto increase sportsmanlikebehaviorsand suppresspoor sportsmanshipfor three boys diagnosedwith ADHD, aged8 to 10 years.The programwas effective in increasinggood sportsmanshipand improvedgameperformance.The programalso increasedthe boys' interestin basketball.

13.5 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Giving precedenceto relationship-enhancing rather than competitive social goals correlates with peer acceptance.Rejectedchildren give a higher priority to goals that obtain tangible rewards,often usingaggressivestrategies,suchas commandsand threats.It is possibleto modify children'ssocialgoals.Studiesthat havedonethis havedemonstrated positive,lasting,andgeneralizableresultsafter only a few sessions.Giving rejected childrenmoreconfidencethat they canattain goals involving relationship enhancementmay increasethe priorities they attachto thesegoals. In Session4, the focus was on joining others at play by "helping them play their game." Implicit in this social goal is that the game belongs to the children at play and that they may havegood reasonsnot to include a child. But social goalsare situationspecific, andthe children needto prioritize goals such as "help everyone to have fun" in order to have more satisfactory continuingrelationshipsas a result of how they behaveduring gameplay.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Parentshavemonitoredthreeout-of-groupcalls, helping their child practice two-way conversations and starting a list of potential play dates with other children who were happy to receive the call. Childrenhavepracticed"slippingin" and what to do when their entry bids are turned down. Parentshavescoutedtheir neighborhood for placesfor their child to "slip in." Parentshave also learnedhow successfulchildren slip into a group and how they handlebeingturneddown.

In This Session Children are taughtthe rules of a good sport, in order to modify their social goal priorities to be consistentwith continuing relationshipswith peers.Parentsare given specific instructionson how to help their child do the "slipping in" assignment,given for the first time in this session. Tokenrewardsareintroducedto distractchildren from their previousprimary social goals.

Parent Session Plan 5 Initial Gathering Checkchild toys as they come in. Have parents 1 hold toys that are in excludedcategories.

Homework Review 1. There are four homework assignments(not including outsidetoy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth. Tell parentsthat you want them to focus on (a) the out-of-group call, (b) two-way conversationsduring ingroup and out-of-group calls, (c) neighborhood parks they found for the "slipping in" homework,and (d) only a perfunctory"Was the in-group call done, did it go OK?" (no more detailsthan this). 2. ProbesJar out-oj-groupcall: Were there pauses after your child spokewhenhe was listening to the other child's answer?Was the other child interestedor excitedby the call? Did the children have things to talk about? Whom might your child call for this week's assignment?2 3. NeighborhoodresourcesJar the "slipping in" assignment:Ask eachparent: Did you go by a park last weekand seechildrenthe sameage or slightly youngerthanyour child playing as a group in this location? 1Dangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, Super Soakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards,toy guns; Too good a toy-expensivetoy that will upsetthe child if lost or damaged. 2The "gold standard"is a child they haven'tcalledbefore who has potentialto be invited as a playmateor someone they usedto play with and haven'tseenin a while. Accept the "best deal" toward this.

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/SOCIAL GOALS

Clinical Examples of Finding Neighborhood Parks for ~~Slipping In" Oneparenthada parkacrossthe streetfrom their home. Driving aroundand actually looking to see what agethe childrenwere at local parkshelped anotherfamily. They had to come back several times and found that children the right age tendedto play in the afternoonon Saturday. Another parent targetedbefore and after teampractice.

HomeworkAssignment Parentshave been well preparedfor the "slipping in" assignment-scouting for a place over the past 2 weeks,decreasingthe importanceof their child beingturneddown, andtoday, learning the stepsto supervisetheir child's group entry. Parentstypically don't havemanyquestions at this point.

Group LeaderGuide to Parent Assignment-Due on Sessions6-9 GOALS 1. To increaseyour child's ability to join play groups. 2. To help your child makenew friends. Studiesshow that over 50% of attemptsby children to enter playgroupsare turned down. This is not rejection.Accepted/popularchildren experiencethis and look for other children to play. Rejectedchildren try to coercechildren to let theminto their play. Neglectedchildrendon't get closeenoughto try. [Tell parentsyou havebeen teachingthis to their children.] Your child shouldattemptto join a groupof children the samesex as him or her, the same age or younger. Attempting to join a group of youngerchildren (no more than1 yearyounger) may be helpful: 1. Studieshave shownthat many childrenwith peer problemsmay benefit in the long run from play with slightly youngerchildren. 2. Children are more likely to be acceptedby youngerchildren.

/

103

At the End of This Session 1. Decidewith your child whereandwhenhe or shewill attemptto join a group of childrenat play. Older children (fourth gradersand above)may prefer to so this at school/camp. During recess,beforeor after school,during after-schoolactivities, or at a playgroundare good choicesfor the place. The time should be assoonaspossible(tomorrowor this weekendarebest).[Reviewagain badplaces:(a) the beach,on vacation- becausechildren comefrom all over and won't live closeenoughto makesustainablefriends (b) children beingsupervisedby an adult (e.g., birthday parties)- becausethe adult mayinterfere (c) the library, bookstore- because peopleexpectsilence.Goodplaces:(a) neighborhoodpark, (b) unstructuredafter-schoolprogram, (c) before or after team practice, (d) before or after scoutmeeting,(e) at church/temple.Children don't haveto play for long and don't have to be invited in, just go up to the edge of the group, watch, and makethe attemptto slip in at an appropriate opportunity. Have parents say where and when they will try this.] 2. Bringing a toy may help break the ice. Use only an outsidetoy that your child has been bringing here. At the Time of the "Slipping In" Assignment 1. Remindyour child of the rules: (a) Watchfirst before joining; (b) Praise other children or wait until a breakin the gameandtry to join; (c) if they say no, say nothing but go to anothergroupof children; (d) Act seriouswhen joining. [For children who are shy/anxious,step 1 is all that is necessaryon this week'shomework assignment.] 2. Your child must try this by himself or herself. Do not try to help in any way. For youngerchildren (first through third grade), you may watchfrom a distance,so that the other children do not seeyou (in which case,bring a magazinewith you to pretendto read).Older children might prefer to do this assignment when you are not present(but they have to join childrenwith whomthey don'tordinarily play). [Parents of older children should remind the child in the morning before school and later get all the details.] 3. Your child is not to try to entera groupof older

104

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

childrenor to bring a peeror sibling with him or her. After the Child Attempts the Assignment 1. If your child beginsto talk with you about it, praise any attemptsto do the assignmentor any discussionof what your child was supposedto do. 2. If the group did not accepthim or her; encourageyour child with commentslike "That's too bad,maybeit will work next time," or, "It soundslike it was a hard thing for you to do." Don't criticize in any way or tell your child to try somethingdifferent.

Potential Problem

ConcernAboutOld Patternsof Behavior Onemotherof a fifth-grade boy with Asperger's disorderexpressedconcernabouther son'stendencyto bargeinto other children playing. She was reassuredto know that he had beentaught appropriatestepsin previoussessionsbeforethe "slipping in" homework assignmentshe was aboutto do with him.

Child Session Plan 5 Homework Review 1. Review in-group and out-of-group phone calls-eachchild says who they called and what they found out aboutthe other child. 2. Check to seethat the level of disclosurewas not too deep,not too personal.Checkfor trading information and how they began and endedthe phonecall. Haveeachchild present a sharedinteresthe or she found during the call.

Didactic The last threesessionsdemonstrated how easyit is to get children to obey rules for peer entry. These were discrete steps that many children

didn't previouslytake.Onceinvited into a game, the children'ssocialgoal priorities may interfere with playmates'enjoymentof the game.In contrast to discretesteps,it is necessaryfor them to learn rules that govern their behavior throughout play. The didactic portion gets them to reevaluate their social goalsthroughuseof the "rules of a goodsport."The Socraticpresentationtogether with practicein the real play segment(with token reward) makesfor quick learning. 1. Ask, "What happensif we arenot well behaved after we join other children at play?" 2. As an introductionto the rulesof a goodsport, have the children come up with things that theycansayto praiseothersduringplay ("nice try," "good shot," ... ). Practicein session. 3. Ask children how it makesthem feel to get praiselike this from others. Introducerules of a good sport using a Socratic method(seeTable 10.2).

Rules of a Good Sport [Keep in mind the template for theserules]: • Praise anotherkid's behavior, for example,nice try, great shot, high-five. Kids who are really good at somethingoften praiseothers,too. • Saywhat you want othersto do-no refereeing(refereeing= telling otherswhat not to do or calling excessivepenaltiessuchas"doubledribble" "foul" "cheating,"etc., like a referee). • If bored, suggesta changein activity or having a turn. • Let others havefun too (e.g., stay in your own areaof the field, don't try to jump in front of other kids and catchall balls everywhere). • At the end of a gametell the kids on the other teamit was a good game. 4. Tell children about tokens they will get during the real play portion of the session:They will earn tokens for following the rules of a goodsport: that is, for praisinganotherchild's behavior("nice try," "good shot"), no refereeing, suggestinga changein activity when bored, and letting othershave fun. The tokens count the sameas starstoward the final party.

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/SOCIAL GOALS

Clinical Example: Presentingthe Rules of a GoodSport GL: Last week we worked on taking "no" for an answer,this weekwe'll work on being a good sport.What complimentcanyou saybeforeor when you get into a game? Different children: "Good job." "Nice try." "Really cool football you have there." "At the end of the game,you can say, 'Good game."' GL: Those are good things to say. What about children who brag at the end of the game? What if they say, "I scoredthe most points so I'm the bestbasketballplayer?" Child: We don't like bragging. GL: No one likes bragging.What'sa "referee?" Child: Someonewho is alwaysmakingcalls like "doubledribble" "foul" or "out of bounds."You know, spendingall their time telling the other kids what they are doing wrong. GL: What happensif kids try to be a "referee?" What might other kids do? Child: They get mad becausethey don't want to be bossedaround. GL: That'sright, theywould makeotherkids mad and "refereeing" isn't their job. Supposing you're bored, how do you changethe game? Do you tell the others,"We're doingit this way now?" Different Children: "No, you're not the bossof them." "They won't like it." GL: We're going to practice all of thesethings when we go out to play. This time for homework you'regoingto "slip into" a groupof children playing in your neighborhood.They can be the sameageor a little youngerthanyou. It canbe after or beforeschool,or at a park.

Homework Assignment 1. Try to slip into a groupof childrenwith whom you are not familiar.3 Children are to try to "slip in" to a group of same-ageor younger acquaintances. They don't haveto actuallybe invited into the gamein orderto completethe assignment."Slip in" with kids they only know "so-so."

/

105

2. Out-of-groupandin-groupcalls (makeassignments). 3. Bring an outsidetoy.

Potential Problems Trying to Modify/Nullify the Assignment Childrenmay ask, "How aboutif I do the homework with kids that I alreadyknow?" or "How about kids that are older than me?" The group leaderrespondsto theseresponseswith a repetition of the original assignment.

Examplesof Children Telling Why They Can't (Won't) Do the Assignment "I know all the kids in my class (parentssay he plays alone}." "There are no kids that I don't alreadyknow." "In my schoolyou'renot supposed to play after school." The groupleaderavoidsgeneratingsolutions for the dilemmapresentedby the child because frequentlythe child is simply trying to be excused from doing the homeworkassignment.Instead, discussionof how the assignmentwill be doneis explainedin front of the child'sparentat the endof-sessionreunification.

Overly SelectiveRegardingPlaymates A fifth-grade girl saidshecouldn'tdo the assignment because"I don't like the kids that stay after school to play." The group leader replied, "Where else canyou go where there are kids so thatyou canpractice'slippingin'? Tell me where the nice kids are."

Real Play Tokensmake their debut this session.Table 11 presentsguidelines for delivering tokens. Just before the real play portion is the time to introduce tokens.Don't worry about explainingthis too much,asthe childrenwon't graspthe change 3Trying is more important than actually getting in, as it allows the child to be turneddown and go elsewhere.

106

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

TABLE 13.1 Delivering Tokens-ChildSessions5, 6, 10, 11

The main purposesof token rewardsare to get children to: 1. Start using didactically taught skills. 2. Divide the attentionof children betweenthe gameand the reward. In so dOing, we have observedthat the children are unableto maintaintheir initially counterproductivesocialgoals.For example,the social goal of "winning at all costs"is difficult to focus on if a child is also concernedabout earningtokensfor good sportsmanship.

Descriptionof Tokens Tokensshould be unique (don't use penniesor standardpoker chips) so that children won't be temptedto inflate their count with chips they have at home. However, if they're too unique (we have used plastic tokenswith a hole in the centerthat resembleJapanesecoins) they will start to disappear.

When to Give Tokens 1. Tokensare given for any behaviorrelatedto the rules of a good sport. 2. Do not give tokens for anything else, e.g., eye contact, saying other person'sname, etc., as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship. How to Give Tokens 1. Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. 2. Receivinga token shouldcauseonly a momentarydisruption of the child's attentionto the game. 3. Speaktelegraphicallyto statewhy a child earneda specific token, while handingthe child the token. Examples:"for being gentle just now," "for giving a 'high-five.'" 4. Withhold tokensif children look or ask for one after doing a desiredbehavior(but praisethem for the behavior).Somechildren will begin "performing" in front of the coacheswith the sole desireof obtaining the token and losing focus on the other aspectsof the gamebeing played. 5. If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token, give them a prompt followed by a time out if the arguing continues. Debriefing 1. At the end of play, count only the total numberof group tokens,addingeachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the children count along. 2. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointing out who receivedthe most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition.

in procedureuntil group leaderand coachesactually start dispensingthem. At first, children might be surprisedor puzzledwhen they receivean individual token. This is partly becausethey are overly focusedon their initial social goal. After a few tokens are given, the coachesand group leadersbegin to become"invisible" to the children. This is a sign they haveorientedtoward playing the gameand are attendingto the other children in the game. The children are to briefly practicejoining, but mostly concentrateon being a good sport in the contextof "Magic JohnsonBasketball."

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Praisethe children (as a group) for what they did in this session."Todaywe workedon "slipping in" andbeinga good sport. I sawa lot of friendly and consideratebehavior in this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applausefor their courtesy." 2. Readoff the in-groupcall assignmentsoneby one,asin previoussessions.Stopparentsfrom immediately starting to arrangethese calls with eachother. 3. "The major job everyonehas this week is to

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/SOCIAL GOALS

go to a placeand try to 'slip in' with children you haven't played with before. Agree on whereyou will do this with your parent." 4. Negotiatethe place for the "slipping in" assignmentand an out-of-groupcall with each parent and child. Accept a place out of parent'sview for fourth gradersand above. First ask the child. If the child doesn'tproducea responsethat meetswith parentagreement, then the parentis askedfor ideasand the group leaderhasthe child pick one he or she likes the best.

Clinical Example: NegotiationsWith a Girl With a NegativeReputationat School GL [to child in front of mom]: Who are you going to call for your out-of-groupcall? Child: Doreen. GL [to mom]: Is DoreenOK? Mom: Yes. Shehasknown Doreenfrom kindergartenbut hasn'tseenher since. GL [to child]: Whereareyou going to try to "slip in"? Child: I'll do it at recessat school. [In the parent session,mom hassaidher child hasa negative reputationat school.] GL [to mom]: Is that OK? Mom: How aboutthe park acrossthe streetfrom our house?

/

107

Child: I do it all the time at school. GL: I think it's time for you to branchout and meetnewkids. You cando it at schoolfor practice if you would like, but in orderfor it to count as homework, you should try it at the park. Rememberyou only haveto try. If they say"no" then you still get credit for doing your homework. Child: O.K.

Potential Problem

ParentNot Adheringto "Slipping In" Criteria One mother of a fifth-grade girl picked a local bookstorefor the "slipping in" assignment,despitethe groupleaderrecommendingagainstthis venue. She insisted that the bookstorein her neighborhoodwould fit the criteria as a good placefor her daughterto slip in. Becausethis was hard to dispute, the group leader waited until the end-of-sessionreunification and askedthe daughterif shewantedto do the "slipping in" at the bookstore.She hesitantly said "yes." However, after the group leader askedher if other girls would gatheraroundand do group activities in the bookstore,she said "no." The group leadersubsequentlynegotiateda park as the location for her assignment.

108

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentAssignment-Givenon Session#5 Due on Sessions6-9

GOALS:

1. To increaseyour child's ability to join play groups.

2. To help your child makenew friends. Studiesshow that over 50% of attemptsby children to enterplaygroupsare turneddown. This is not rejection.Accepted/popularchildrenexperiencethis andlook for other childrento play with. Rejectedchildren try to coercechildren to let them into their play. Neglectedchildren don't get closeenoughto try. Your child shouldattemptto join a group of children the samesex as he or she, the sameage or younger.Attempting to join a group of youngerchildren (no more than 1 year younger) may be helpful: 1. Studieshave shownthat many children with peer problemsmay benefit in the long run

from play with slightly youngerchildren. 2. Children are more likely to be acceptedby youngerchildren. At the End of This Session: 1. Decidewith your child whereandwhen he or shewill attemptto join a group of children

at play. Older children (fourth gradersand above) may prefer to do this at school/camp. During recess,beforeor after school,during after-schoolactivities, or at a playgroundare good choicesfor the place. The time should be as soon as possible (tomorrow or this weekendare best). 2. Bringing a toy may help break the ice. Use only an outsidetoy that your child has been bringing here. At the time of the "slipping in" assignment: 1. Remindyour child of the rules: (a) Watch first beforejoining. (b) Praiseotherkids or wait until a breakin the gameand try to join. (c) If they say no, say nothing but go to another group of kids. (d) Act seriouswhen joining. 2. Your child must try this by himself or herself.Do not try to help in any way. For younger children (first through third grade), you may watch from a distance,so that the other children do not seeyou (in which case,bring a magazinewith you to pretendto read). Older children might prefer to do this assignmentwhen you are not present(but they haveto join children with whom they don't ordinarily play). 3. Your child is not to try to entera group of older children or to bring a peeror sibling with him or her. Mter the child attemptsthe assignment: 1. If your child beginsto talk with you aboutit, praiseany attemptsto do the assignmentor any discussionof what your child was supposedto do. 2. If the group did not accepthim or her, encourageyour child with commentslike "That's too bad,maybeit will work next time," or, "It soundslike it wasa hardthing for you to do."

Don't criticize in any way or tell your child to try somethingdifferent.

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/SOCIAL GOALS

/

109

Children's Friendship Training Rulesfor Magic JohnsonBasketball Child Session5 GatherChildren 1. Tell children that tokenswill be given to thosewho praiseothers,give "high-fives," follow any "rule of being a good sport" or are considerateof others.

Assign Sides 2. The group leaderchoosessidesof two and three playersof approximatelyequalability, to start. 3. Keep the rest of the children on the sidelinesas children who are about to "slip in." Tell GameRules 4. Rules of a regularbasketballgameare used,exceptthe primary emphasisis on cooperativeteam play. The following behaviorsearnpromptsand time outs: o Stealingthe ball or attemptsat it. o Aggressivephysicalcontact(e.g., fouling othersby slappinginsteadof just blocking or excessive, stifling defensethat intimidatesthe other child). o Excesscelebrationafter a score. o The ball must be passed at leastonceprior to a goal being scored. Start the Game,Monitor and Control Nehavior 5. Children who "ball hog" excessivelylose their opportunity to shoot any baskets(they are only allowed to rebound,dribble, and passthe ball to others). Core Instruction 6. Have the children figure out which team needsthe most help, as well as when to ask and who to ask in order to "slip in." Then allow them to slip in. 7. Tokens are given for any behavior related to the rules of a good sport. Do not give tokens for anythingelse, suchas eye contact,or sayingother person's name, as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship.How to give tokens: (a) Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. (b) Receivinga token should causeonly a momentarydisruption of the child's attention to the game. (c) Speaktelegraphicallyto statewhy a child earneda specific token, while handingthe child the token. Examples:"for beinggentlejust now," "for giving a 'high-five.'" (d) Withhold tokensif childrenlook or askfor oneafter doing a desiredbehavior(but praisethem for the behavior).Somechildren will begin "performing" in front of the coacheswith the sole desireof obtainingthe tokenandwill losefocus on the otheraspectsof the gamebeingplayed. (e) If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token, give the child a prompt followed by a time out if the arguingcontinues. Debriefingat the End of Game 8. Count only the total numberof group tokens,addingeachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the childrencountalong. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildrenor pointing out who receivedthe most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 9. Ask children if they had a good time. Ask why they hada goodtime (Answers:Becausethey made sureother children had a good time, everyonehad an equalopportunityto shootthe ball, and no one was getting injured or intimidatedby rough play).

Rules of a Good Sport/Positive Statements

Treatment Rationale

ation of further interactions betweentwo children.

Training the appropriatestepsto take in joining other children at play and training parentshow to superviseinitial group entries will promote situations outside of treatment. However, children'sinteractiveskills must continueto be bolsteredto ensurethat other childrencontinue to enjoy their company,after they let them join their play.

Research on Positive Statements and Peer Status 14.2 Negativity in Rejected Children Frequentuse of praise and agreementare both essentialto beingliked by otherchildren.Hartup andLaursen(1993) found that a child's observed positive reinforcementrate correlatedwith the proportion of "liked most" peer sociometric nominationsbut was uncorrelatedwith the proportionof disliked nominations.Likewise, negative reinforcementrate correlatedwith the proportion of "disliked most" nominationsbut was uncorrelatedwith the proportion of "liked most" nominations.During dyadicinteractionin a game,PutallazandGottman(1981) found that popularsecondandthird gradersdisagreedless with eachother than rejectedsecondand third graders.In responseto disagreement,the popular childrenwere more likely to statethe rule of concernof the gameand provide an acceptable alternativefor the other child, ("you're not supposedto do that, you're supposedto do this first" -a "stop" and then a "go" statement), whereasthe rejectedchildrenwere likely only to state the reasonfor the disagreementwithout

14.1 The Importance of Positive Statementsto Peers Positive interactionsbegin with entry into a group (Dodge,Pettit, McClaskey,& Brown, 1986; Tryon & Keane,1991) andpersistin helpingchildren avoid conflict. Hartup, Glazer, and Charlesworth(1967) found that 4-year-oldnursery school children emit three to five times as many positive reinforcers (approval, affection, andsubmission)asnegativereinforcers(noncompliance,criticism, attack,interference)in unstructured play. They suggestthat the positive tone also helps diminish conflict when it begins.According to Hartup and Laursen(1993), children will continue to interact after conflict is over if affective intensity is low and conciliation is employed. In contrast,standingfirm, strongaffect, andan inequitableoutcomeresultin discontinu-

110

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/POSITIVE STATEMENTS

including the relevant rule (e.g., "you can't do that"-onlya"stop" statement).

14.3 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Rejectedchildren are least equippedwith skills to dealwith timeswhentheymuststructuretheir own activities with other children. Thesesituations demandmore positive approachesto peer interactionsthanrejectedchildrentypically have in their repertoire.In contrast,they morereadily produce negative behaviorssuch as criticizing peers.Refereeingis when friendlesschildren impulsively staterule violationswhile neglectingto praisetheir peers.Thus, it is imperativeto have childrenidentify negativebehaviors(refereeing) and replace them with good sportsmanship ("high-fives" and other praise).

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Children have focusedon being considerateof otherswhen and after attemptingto join others at play. They have begunto practice doing and sayingpositive things to othersduring play, and adjustingpriorities on their social goals before enteringinto play.

In This Session This is the first sessionin which parentsandchildren report the resultsof the child's attemptto "slip in" with othersat play. Now the emphasis is on skills that will sustaininteractionafter successfulentry into the play of others.Parentswill needhelp if the choicefor a placeto do the "slip_ ping in" homeworkdid not work out. Children will concentrateon maintainingpositive interactions (praising) with the help of the token rewardsduringthe real play portion of the session.

Parent Session Plan 6 Initial Gathering Checkchild toys as they comein. Have parents 1 hold toys that are in excludedcategories.

/

111

Homework Review Parentstypically require most of the sessionto review their child's first attemptsat "slipping in" and suggestionsfor the next attempt (The session handouttakes little time.) Expect that between 30% and 80% of parentswill report that the"slippingin" assignmentwassuccessful(and be readyto celebratetheir excitementwith them). 1. There are three homeworkassignments(not including outside toy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth. Announceto parents that you want them to focus on (a) the "slip_ ping in" homeworkand to a lesserextent(b) the out-of-groupcall (only dwell hereif there was a problem), with (c) only a perfunctory "Was the in-group call done, did it go OK?" (no more details than this-this will be last time the in-group call hasbeenassigned). 2. Ask first for successstorieson the"slipping in" assignment.Thenget otherparentsto report. Where did the children attemptto slip in? Were parentseither able to observeit or hear the details from their child? Don't acceptparents'unelaborateddescriptions-have them go over the details so they know you are seriousabout getting parentsto observe their child.2 3. Go aroundto eachparentand ask (a) "How did the out-of-groupcall go?" (b) "Did the inside the group calls go OK?" ("yes"_"no" answershere), and (c) Have parentsidentify a child who haspotentialto invite asa playmate for the next outsidegroupcall. Someonethey met in the joining assignmentmight be appropriate. They can set up a play date and schedulethe play date for no earlier than 2 weeksfrom now.

Dangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, SuperSoakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards, toy guns; too good a toy-expensivetoy that will upsetthe child if lost or damaged. 2Badplaces:(a) the beach,on vacation-because children come from all over and offer a low likelihood of evolving into sustainablefriends; (b) children being supervisedby an adult (e.g., birthdayparties)-because the adult may inpeople expect terfere; (c) the library, bookstore-because silence.Goodplaces:(a) neighborhoodpark, (b) after-school unstructuredprogram, (c) before or after team practice, (d) beforeor after Scoutmeeting,(e) at church/temple. 1

112

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Clinical Examples of Successful Homework Compliance A mother reported that her sixth-grade boy looked outsidetheir house,saw someoneskateboarding,and went out and skateboardednext to him. A mother of a third-gradeboy reportedhe was waiting on the sidelinesat a neighborhood park when others were playing Frisbee. When the Frisbeewas overthrownhe askedto get it for them. They said "yes" and then invited him to play. A mother of a fifth-grade boy said her son told her he tried to slip in while children were playing at recessin his new school. He said he was turned down at first. She reportedthat our point aboutbeing turned down 50% of the time helped him walk away gracefully (and not feel too bad). He said that he tried again later and the group let him in. A mother of a third-grade girl diagnosed with oppositionaldefiant disorderwatchedher slip into a groupof boys.After letting her daughter play for a while, she took her aside and remindedher daughterthat the assignmentwas to slip in with girls. To her surprise,her daughter then slippedin with girls. The mom was pleased at the absenceof disagreementandthe easewith which her daughterwassubsequentlyableto slip in with same-sexpeers. A motherof a third-gradegirl reportedseeing girls milling around before her daughter's ballet class. One girl did a slide. She heard her daughtergive a compliment by saying "Cool!" and then her daughterand severalother girls practicedsliding together. A motherof a second-grade boy sawher son in the schoolyardbeforeschoolstartedwatching otherchildrenplayinghandball.Her soncheered the othersand was let in quickly.

Potential Problems

WrongPlace A third-gradeboy'sparentstook him to the beach so that he could practice"slipping in." He found two brothers playing in the sand and "slipped in." However,the brothers'fatherwent over and

told him to leave.The group leaderusedthis to point out how difficult the beachis to "slip in" and had the other parentssuggesta local park for this parentto try for next week.

Child NeededExtra Help The parentsof a fourth-gradeboy with ADHD saidhe had no trouble joining but stayingin was the problem. This actually occurredbecausehe didn't join correctly. The group leaderaskedthe mother if he waited on sidelinesfirst. She said no, her son just went in and askedif he could play. The group leaderaddedthat the next time the mother should have her son wait with her and not let him join until he could tell her information such as what the rules of the game are and who's winning and losing.

Child Afraid to Do the Assignment A shy third-gradeboy was afraid to do the assignment. The group leader said this was the mother'sopportunityto give him a "tuneup"and makesurehe doesthis appropriately.The group leadersuggestedall the child would have to do for this homeworkis to get up close toothersat play (wait on the sidelines).That would be the extent of the assignmentfor this week.

Parent Giving Up The mother of a fifth-grade girl said her daughter told her shejoined at schoolbut couldn'tgive the details.The mom acceptedthis as fulfillment of the assignment,despitereportingin previous sessionsthat her daughterhad a negativereputation at her school. The group leader had the mother agreeto get her daughterto try to "slip in" beforesoftball practice.The mothersaid she would bring her daughterto practiceearly. However, the mom verbalizedher concernthat her daughterwould again refuse to do the assignment. The group leader offered to spendextra time at the end of the sessionhelping her and her daughterto agreeon a placeotherthanschool for "slipping in." The group leaderwould let her daughterknow that attemptingto "slip in" at schoolwould not count as the assignment.

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/POSITIVE STATEMENTS

ParentNoncompliance1 One mom of a fifth-grade boy said her son refusedto tell her what he did for the assignmentonly that he did the homework.The motherhad said in the previoussessionthat her son would attemptto "slip in" before baseballpracticeand that shewould take him early in order to insure this. The mom reportedshe had madethesearrangementsbut had only droppedher son off at practiceandthenleft. Shegaveexcusesasto why shecouldn't"hangaround."The groupleaderhad her promiseto supervisefor the next assignment.

ParentNoncompliance2 One mom saw her son wait on the sidelinesbut not initiate a requestto join. Shewalked over to "help him join by askingotherchildrenfor him." The group leader asked the group what they thought.Severalotherparentsvoicedtheir opinions that her son neededto do this himself.

Homework Assignment Next week begins the instruction on good host behavior on play dates.This sessionbegins instructing parentson good and poor toys and gamesfor play dates.Reviewingthis handout(inside toys to bring for next session)should take no more than10 minutesandgenerallyposesno problems. In contrastto the outside toys, which tend to be staplesacrossgenerations,inside toys are constantlyevolving. New toys are being developedall the time. If the toy doesn'tappearto fit in any categoryin the parenthomeworkassignment handout, then a good strategyfor group leadersis initially to allow a child to bring it in and to havethe child group leaderwatch how it affects the quality of play. If the toy encourages interactive play with lots of cooperativeverbal interchangeandis easilyshared,thenallow it. If the toy is usedin an exclusiveor bossyfashion, tell the child to play with somethingelse,inform the parent (at the end of the session)to avoid this toy for subsequentsessionsand to curtail its use on play dates. Passout parentassignmentfor session7-9 (no parenthandoutfor this session).

/

113

Group LeaderGuide to Parent Assignment-Due on Sessions7-9 GOALS 1. To help your child searchfor potential best friends. 2. To assistyour child in the appropriatesocial use of gameshe or she has during informal one-on-oneplay dates. Right Now and at the End of Every Session 1. Continuearrangingassignedtelephonecalls to children who are not in the group as before. [Announce: Next time the children will be

working on beinggood hostson play datesso we needan inside toy.] Before EachFriendshipGroup Meeting 2. Haveyour child selecta gameto bring in next time that he or she can play well and that he or shewould be likely to play with at homewith another child. This must be a game that two children can play and that encouragesinteraction betweenthe children; for example,a board game,action figures, Jengo,Mancala, ConnectFour, Battleship,Sorry, Parcheesi,or Uno. We will be using this to help your child learn how to play more appropriatelywith other children in one-on-onesituations. Indoor Gamesto Exclude Gamesthat are not advisablefor a play date: Obsessions-Any gameon which your child is so hookedthat he or sheno longer caresif he or sheis playingwith someoneelse.Video andcomputergamesare alwaysin this category.Video gamesand computer gamesare typically a small part of many boys' play dates,but childrenin our group tend to havea lot of trouble changingactivities once they start playing these. Trades-Pokemon cards.Childrenmaytradethem and later regret the trade as unfair. Theseactivities make for hurt feelings all around. Provocativegames-waterpistols, anything that shootsprojectiles,martial arts toys or objects. Solitary or parallel activities-books,drawing or arts and crafts, watchingTV or videotapes. Requiremore than two to play-Twister,Clue.

[Tell parentswe will befocusingon play dateswhen only one child will be invited at a time.]

114

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Gamesthat are not suitedto our sessions: [Tell parentsthesemaybegoodfor longer play dates, but there'snot enoughtime in our sessions.] Too specializedfor most kids-Dungeons& Dragons,Magic Cards;thesearenot gamesthat are known by everyone-theylimit whom you can play with. Too complicatedfor manykids-If your child wants to bring chessor Mastermind,he or sheneeds to first find out if anyone else in our group knows how to play them. If not, don't bring them. Teachingotherkids how to playagame is not a good way to make closer friendships with others-theteachertendsto dominate. Too much time to set up-Your child may spend the whole time settingthem up and not get to play it during the session,such as for Monopoly.

Potential Problem Too Avid an Interest On intake, the mother of a third-gradegirl reported that her daughterwas so fascinatedby playing with Barbiesthat shewould not change the play activity whenher guestasked.The group leadertold the mom that Barbiesshould not be allowedon play datesandin sessionsuntil it was clear that this girl could easilytransitionto what a guestwould want to play.

Child Session Plan 6 Homework Review 1. Briefly review in-group and out-of-group calls-askall children who theycalled. 2. Briefly checkfor trading information and how they beganand endedthe phonecall. 3. Reviewattemptsto "slip into" a group of children with whom they were not familiar. Ask: Where did you go to try to "slip in"? What gamewere the other kids playing? How did you askto join? Which sidedid you join (winning or losing)?What did the kids do [let you in]? [When entry was turned down, add] What did you do next?3

Clinical Examplesof Children's Reports of -"Slipping In" A second-gradeboy reportedthat he was good at handball.He subsequentlywaitedin line with children aboutto play handballand successfully "slipped in." The group leader asked, "Was it fun?" He replied "yes." A fourth-gradeboy reportedjoining after school when he saw two boys were playing Karems.He saidhe stoodnearby,waited for the end of the game and askedto play the winner. He was allowed to play. A second-gradeboy with Asperger'sdisorder joined otherswho were playing "shark tag." Although he was initially worried aboutplaying this game,he waitedon the sidelineslong enough to determinethat what they referredto as "biting" eachother was actually just tag. He figured this out beforehe askedto join.

Examplesof Children Handling Being Turned Down A third-gradegirl reported,"They said'no.' I said OK. I playedon the swingsfor a while andasked nicely later. They let me play." The group leader said, "You handledbeing told 'no' well. You waited and it paid off when you askedthe next time." A second-gradegirl reportedthat she approachedgirls playing jump rope. They turned her down. Another girl came along and they askedtogether.This time the girls playing said "yes."

A fifth-grade boy said,"I tried to slip in with kids playing volleyball. They said 'no.' So I went to anothergroup and they said 'yes.'The group leaderreplied, "If at first you don't succeed,try again." A third-gradeboy said he tried to join two otherboyswho wereplaying. Onesaid"yes" and the other said "no," so he didn't join. The group leader praisedhim for not entering the game when one child disagreed,saying it would be easiernext time he wantedto join thembecause he respectedboth their wishes. 3It is importantto continueto normalizebeingturneddown and the responseof trying to join anothergroup of children or the samegroup of children at a later time.

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/POSITIVE STATEMENTS

A fifth-grade boy reported,"They said 'No, we're in the middle of a game.'So I went away." The group leaderpointedout, "That was nice of themto tell you why-thattheywerein the middle of the game.When could you come back?" The boy replied, "At the end of the game."

PotentialProblems The only problemsencounteredin this segment are children who say they didn't do the homework or report that they did when they actually did not. Comparisonswith parentreportssometimes are inconsistent.Usually, but not always, the child will say he or she did the assignment and the parentswill say the child didn't. Compliance with the homeworkis addressedin the child sessiononly by using peer pressure(hearing other children in the group reporting success).Excusessuch as "we were too busy" or "I had too much school work" should be ignored and addressedat the end of sessionreunification with the parentpresent.

Didactic 1. List things children can say to praise others during play. Have children practice saying what they cameup with. 2. The group leaderhaschildrenrecall the rules of a good sport from the last sessionusing a Socraticmethod(SeeTable10). Keep in mind the templatefor the five rules here: (a) Praise anotherkid's behavior, for example, "nice try," "great shot," "high-fives"-kids who are really good at somethingoften praiseotherstoo. (b) Say what you want others to do-no refereeing (refereeing= telling what not to do or callingviolations/penalties,etc.). Coaches promptthis andsuppressgroupmembers pointing out rule violations. (c) If bored, suggesta changein activity or having a turn. (d) Let others havefun too (e.g., stay in your own area, don't try to catch all balls everywhere). Who should have fun? (Answer: Everybody.)

/

115

(e) At the end of a gametell the kids on your team and the other team it was a good game.

HomeworkAssignment 1. Slip into a group of children with whom you are not familiar. Have each child say where he or shewill do this. (Note: The in-groupcall is no longer assigned.) 2. Bring an inside toy next time: a board game, Jengo, Mancala, Connect Four, Battleship, Sorry, Parcheesi,or Uno. No video games, trading or Magic cards, or anything that shootssomething.Have eachchild say what he or shewill bring. 3. Out-of-groupcall.

Real Play Only one gameis chosenfor this segmentin order to focus on good sportsmanship."Slipping in" practice no longer takes place, as children have donethis for homework. 1. Have children play socceror basketball(see rules sheet). 2. Tell the childrenit will be a "friendly" gameno keepingscoreand everyonegetsto play. 3. Groupleadersshouldbe readyto promptrule violations-instancesof playing referee and not allowing others to participate (e.g., ball hogging). 4. Use tokensfor following the rules.

Clinical Examplesof Good Sportsmanship Giving a "high-five" to a team membermaking a score. Saying"nice try," "good shot." Childrenwho passthe ball to others.

PotentialProblem ArgumentOver Not Gettinga Token A fifth-grade boy told anotherboy in a flat tone "nice catch" andlookedover to the groupleader.

116

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

The group leaderpraisedhim but did not give him a token. He then asked,"I said 'nice catch.' Don't I get a token?"The groupleaderreiterated, "That was an good compliment,keep it up."

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Announce to parents: "Today, we worked praising other children. I saw a lot of good sportsin this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. "The major job everyonehas this week is to go to a placeand try to 'slip in' with children you haven't played with before. Agree on whereyou will do this with your parentright now. Remember,you are also to call a new personfor your out-of-groupcall and have a two-way conversationin order to come up with gamesto play, and bring an inside toy next week." 3. Go around and negotiateinside toy, out-ofgroupcall, andplaceto join in with eachchild. Accept a placeout of parent'sview for fourth gradersand above (but the child should not join his or her usualplay group). Potential Problems

Refusingto Do the Homework A fifth-grade boy had previously refusedto try to "slip in" while his motherwas watchingor to

tell her detailsof his attemptsat school.The group leaderhad him choosewhich way he would do the homeworkassignment-either do it in front of the mom (who will be a far distanceaway) or tell her about it, so it will count as the homework. He choseto tell her the details and complied with this.

ParentIntrusion on TokenSystem A fifth-grade boy with Asperger'sdisordertearfully told his dad that he only got one token although he felt that he deserveda lot more. His dad becameconcernedabout his son's distress and askedthe child groupleaderfor an explanation. The group leadertold him the purposeof the tokensis not for group participantsto compareandcompete.The dadandhis sonwereable to acceptthis clarification.

Child Attemptto "Split" Group Leader and Parent A sixth-gradeboy was telling his mom after the sessionthathe couldn't"slip in" becausehe didn't get to practiceit in the session.His mom asked the child groupleaderin front of the child if this wastrue. The child waslooking down at the floor as the group leadertold his mom that this was not true and that her sonhad participatedin extensivepracticeduring the session.

RULES OF A GOOD SPORT/ POSITIVE STATEMENTS

/

Children's Friendship Training ParentAssignment-Givenon Session6 Due on Sessions7-9 GOALS:

1. To help your child searchfor potentialbestfriends.

2. To assistyour child in the appropriatesocialuseof gameshel shehasduringinformal one-on-oneplay dates.

Right now and at the end of every session: 1. Continue arrangingassignedtelephonecalls to children who are not in the group, as

before. Before eachfriendshipgroup meeting: 2. Haveyour child selecta gameto bring in next time that he or shecanplay well andthat he or shewould be likely to play with at homewith anotherchild. This must be a gamethat two childrencanplay and that encouragesinteractionbetweenthe children: for example, a boardgame, action figures, Jengo,Mancala,ConnectFour, Battleship,Sorry, Parcheesi, or Uno. We will be usingthis to help your child learnhow to play moreappropriatelywith other children in one-on-onesituations.

Indoor gamesto exclude Gamesthat are not advisablefor a play date: Obsessions-Any gameon which your child is so hookedthat he or sheno longercaresif he or she

is playing with someoneelse. Video and computergamesare always in this category. Video gamesand computergamesare typically a small part of manyboys' play dates,but children in our group tend to have a lot of trouble changingactivities once they start playing these. Trades-Pokemon cards.Childrenmay tradethemandlater regretthe tradeasunfair. Theseactivi-

ties make for hurt feelings all around. Provocative games-Waterpistols, anythingthat shootsprojectiles,martial arts toys or objects. Solitary or parallel activities-Books,drawingor arts and crafts, watchingTV or videotapes. Requiremore than two to play-Twister,Clue.

Gamesthat are not suitedto our sessions : Too specialized for most kids-Dungeons& Dragons, Magic Cards; theseare not gamesthat are

known by everyone-the y limit whom you can play with. Too complicatedfor manykids-If your child wantsto bring chessor Mastermind,he or sheneedsto first find out if anyoneelsein our group knowshow to play them.If not, don't bring them.

Teachingotherkids how to play a gameis not a goodway to makecloserfriendshipswith others-the teachertendsto dominate. Too much time to set up-Yourchild may spendthe whole time settingthem up and not get to play

it during the session,suchas for Monopoly.

117

118

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training Rulesfor Magic JohnsonBasketball Child Session6 GatherChildren 1. Tell children that tokenswill be given to thosewho praiseothers,give "high-fives," follow any "rule of being a good sport," or are considerateof others.

Assign Sides 2. The groupleaderchoosessidesof equalnumberof playersof approximatelyequalability, to start. Tell GameRules 3. Rules of a regularbasketballgameare used,exceptthe primary emphasisis on cooperative teamplay. The following behaviorsearnpromptsand time outs: • Stealingthe ball or attemptsto do so. • Aggressivephysical contact (e.g., fouling others by slappinginsteadof just blocking or excessive,stifling defensethat intimidatesthe other child). • Excesscelebrationafter a score. • The ball must be passedat leastonce prior to a goal being scored. Startthe Game,Monitor and Control Behavior 4. Children who "ball hog" excessivelylose their opportunity to shoot any baskets(they are only allowed to rebound,dribble, and passthe ball to others). Core Instruction 5. Tokensare given for any behaviorrelatedto the rules of a good sport. Do not give tokensfor anythingelse,suchas, eyecontactor sayingother person'sname,as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship.How to give tokens: (a) Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. (b) Receivinga token shouldcauseonly a momentarydisruption of the child's attentionto the game. (c) Speaktelegraphicallyto state why a child earneda specific token, while handingthe child the token. Examples:"for beinggentlejust now," "for giving a 'high-five.'" (d) Withhold tokensif childrenlook or ask for one after doing a desiredbehavior(but praise them for the behavior). Somechildren will begin "performing" in front of the coaches with the sole desireof obtainingthe token and losing focus on the other aspectsof the gamebeingplayed. (e) If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token, give the child a prompt, followed by a time out if the arguingcontinues. Debriefingat the End of Game 6. Count only the total numberof group tokens,addingeachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointing out who receivedthe most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 7. Ask childrenif they hada good time. Ask why they hada good time. (Answers:becausethey madesure other children had a good time, everyonehad an equalopportunityto shootthe ball, and no onewas gettinginjured or intimidatedby rough play.)

Making a Best Friend/Play Dates

Treatment Rationale The bestway to form a closefriendshipis through organizingand frequently carrying out successful play dates for two children who like each other. As notedin the foreword, we define play date as an appointmentmadebetweentwo children to play in the home of one of them. The most effective meansof having successfulplay datesis for parentsand children to collaborate in having them (Frankel, 1996). Friendlesschildren may be unable to utilize play dates effectively to build friendships.Thus, they and their parentsmust be trainedhow to accomplishthis. We definethe hostrole asa collectionof rules of etiquettethat givesdeferenceto a child invited on a play date as a guest.The social role of host is helpful in promotingsuccessfulplay dates.Both parentsand children have some conceptionof good host behavior. Ladd and Hart (1992) reportedanecdotallythat whenparentsinvite children to their homes,they put their child in the role of the host.They expecttheir child to be concernedaboutthe needsandwishesof their playmatesand to ensurethat the guestshave a good time. The treatmenthypothesisis thatknowledge and use of certainrules of host etiquettecan be an effective meansof avoiding conflict and quickly resolvingthe searchfor commonground

119

activities. Putting the child in the host role will allow the child to have more harmoniousplay datesand will clarify to parentshow to more effectively supervisetheseplay experiences.

15.1 Definitions of FriendshipLevels We define threelevels of friendship for the purposesof this chapter:friend, favoredfew, andbest friend. A friend is someonewith potential to be invited for a play datein the home. Friendsusually engagein socialcontactin public places,such as schoolyardsandlunchrooms.A bestfriend is a close, reciprocal, and ultimately confiding relationship. Girls are reportedto be more likely to have best friends than boys are (Doyle, Markiewicz, & Hardy, 1994; but d., Benenson,1990, and Cairns,Perrin, & Cairns,1985,who reportedno differences);however,this may oversimplify the socialrelationshipsof boys.Unlike girls, who typically have a few best friends who are also best friends with each other (cliques or friendship circles), boyshaveanotherlevel of friendship,the favoredfew, from which theydrawoneor two best friends (Berndt & Hoyle, 1985; Frankel, 1996). The stability of boys'bestfriends is lessthanthat of girls', but the durability of boys' favored few may be the sameas girls' friendship circles.

120

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

15.2 The Importance of Best Friendships Best friend relationshipsare perhapsthe most enduringsocial outcomesof middle childhood. Having one or two bestfriends is of greatimportanceto later adjustment.Valuable best friends are intimate, affectionate,loyal, and available (Furman,1985). Best friendshipsbecomestable by aboutthe fourth grade(cf. McGuire & Weisz, 1982), although children report having a best friend much earlier than this. Between78% and 89% of elementaryschool-agedchildrenhavebest friends (Kovacs et al., 1996; Malik & Furman, 1993; Putallaz& Gottman, 1981). According to the results of Bryant (1985), 72% of 7- and 10year-oldsrateda peeras amongthe "top 10 most importantpeoplein their lives" and45% ratedat least3 peersin the top 10. Best friends can buffer the impact of stressful events (Brown, Bhrolchain, & Harris, 1975; Miller & Ingham,1976),mitigate the stressassociatedwith parentaldivorce (Lustig, Wolchik, & Braver,1992)andprotectagainstloneliness(e.g., Parker& Asher, 1993; Renshaw& Brown, 1993). Having a best friend improves self-esteemand decreasesanxiousand depressivesymptomatology (Bagwell et al., 1998; Bishop & Inderbitzen, 1995; Buhrmeister,1990). Best friends can also protect children againstvictimization by peers (Hodges, Boivin, Vitaro, & Bukowski, 1999). Childrenwith bestfriends aremorealtruistic and have better skills in explaining emotions. Best friends may foster the developmentof greater socialcompetence.Asher andRenshaw(cited in Gottman,1983) reportedthat children who are acceptedby peers and have best friends have greatersocialcompetencethanchildrenwho are acceptedby peersbut haveno best friends. It is plausiblethatgreatersocialcompetence, altruism, and enhancedskill in explainingemotions are prerequisiteto having best friends. However, one line of researchseemsto support the role of bestfriend in subsequent development of theseabilities. Bestfriendshavebeenobserved to teacheachother relationshipskills: Although conflicts with acquaintancescan inhibit future social interaction, conflicts amongbest friends and their resolutionsare associatedwith subsequent increaseson measuresof social problem solving (Nelson & Aboud, 1985).

15.3 Problems in Quality of Best Friendships Parkerand Asher (1993) found that many thirdthroughfifth-grade childrenwho arerejected,but who have best friends, have a lower quality of best friendship. Thesechildren are more likely to report lonelinessthan are acceptedchildren who havea bestfriend. This is probablybecause thesechildren tend to havebestfriends who are themselvesrejected (Nangle et al., 1996). In a survey of fifth and sixth graders, Georgeand Hartmann(1996) found that 77% of rejectedchildren reportedhaving at least one reciprocal friend. However, these reciprocal friends were more likely to be youngerandlesslikely to go to the sameschoolwhen comparedwith reciprocal friends of acceptedchildren.

15.4 Prevalenceand Importance of Play Dates The term play date hasrecentlybeenintroduced to our social vernacular(Ladd, 1992; Parke & Bhavnagri, 1989). Newson and Newson (1976) found that 72% of upper-middle-classmothers reportedthat their child hadfriends play in their home "most weeks." Lougee and Kenniston (1975, reported in Gottman, 1983) found that about 55% of boys and 90% of girls 6 to 8 years old reportedplaying with their friends at home. Ladd and Hart (1992) reportedthat 81% of parents madeplay datesfor their children. Play datesmay be of greatvalue in increasing the numberof friends a child hasandreducing susceptibility to negative peer influence. Parentswho invite peersinto their homeshave childrenwho havemoreplay datesin both theirs andtheir peers'homes(Ladd, Hart, Wadsworth, & GoIter, 1988),havechildrenwith a largerrange of playmatesand more consistentplay partners (Ladd & GoIter, 1988), and have children with closer and more stable friendships (Krappman, 1986, cited in Ladd & Hart, 1992). Steinberg (1986) reportedthat peer pressurehad less effect on "latchkey" children who played at a friend's housewhen comparedto children who describe themselves as "hangingout."

MAKING A BEST FRIEND/PLAY DATES /

Research on Play Date Processes Most formal studiesof play date processeshave employed preschoolersand their mothers. We have used this literature togetherwith the first author'sdirect observationsand informal interviews (d. Frankel,1996) to developthe intervention describedin this chapter. Clearly, more researchin this areawould be helpful in further refinementsof this session.

15.5 Parent Social Networks, Interpersonal Skills, and Play Dates Lack of accessibilityof peershas made it more importantfor parentsocial networksto include other parentswithin easy transportwho have children close in age to their child (d. Chap. 18 for moreon peernetworks;Ladd, 1992;Rubin & Sloman, 1984). The number of such parent friendshipshasbeenshownto correlatewith the size of their children's friendship networks (Home1 et aI., 1987). However, it is just as likely that children'sfriendshipslead to parentfriendshipsas the reverse.Our recentsurveydatahave supportedthat mothers of children without friendship problemsare more likely than mothersof rejectedchildrento maketheir own friends throughchild-centeredactivities (Frankel,2002a). Studiesof the initiation of play datesfind that most (82%) parentinitiators of play datesfor 4- and5-year-oldchildrenwere mothers(Ladd & Golter, 1988; Ladd & Hart, 1992). Play date initiations weren't correlatedwith parentemploymentor with children'sinvolvementin child care. Ladd and Hart (1992) noteda total frequencyof play datesat about 9.5 for the 16 days studied. However,this frequencymay havebeeninflated du.e to a Hawthorneeffect. Contactsinitiated by chIldren not directly studied averaged1.8 during this period, so that a truer frequencymay be about1 to 2 play datesper week. Mothers' interpersonalskills have been found to correlatewith children'ssocial competence (Prinstein& La Greca, 1999). Mothers of rejectedchildrentendedto elicit lesspositive affect from other mothers (Ladd, 1992), suggesting impairmentsin their ability to form functional socialnetworkswith the parentsof potentialplaymatesfor their children. The quality of mother's

121

bestfriendshipscorrelatedwith child popularity and quality of child's best friendships(Doyle et aI., 1994). This suggeststhat a secondarygoal of treatmentis to educateparents,especiallymothers, on the skills necessaryto further their children's friendships. In the courseof this intervention,the mothersmay learn throughtheir children's experiencehow they might enhance their own friendshipsor at least relate better to the parentsof their child's friends.

15.6 Play Date Success Parentswith goodinterpersonalskills anda supportive social network will find it easierto arrangeplay dates.However, the key link for the developmentof sustainedbest friendship is fre~u~nt successfulplay dates,ratherthan frequent mCIdentalcontactbetweenfriends during community activities. A successfulplay date results in sustainedmutuallypleasurablei~terchange (d. Gottman& Parkhurst,1980)and(usually,but not always) subsequentreciprocal play date invitations by the guest. In two landmark observationalstudies, Gottman(1983) observedchild behavioron play dates.Gottmanfound that play date interaction frequentlyfluctuatedbetweeninformationinterchange(finding gamesof mutual interest-common-groundactivities) and interactive play on the currentlyestablishedcommon-groundactivity. Gottman reportedthat those children who "hit it off" were more efficient in the searchfor and transition to common ground activities. A major tool used by children for this searchinvolved "two-way conversations."Gottmanet a1. (1975) demonstratedthat acceptedchildren are better at this skill than rejected children. Our clinical experiencehas been that children can establishcommon-groundactivitiesin telephone conversationsprior to a play date("What should we play when we get together?")and can maintain them for up to 2 hoursin play at the time of the meeting.

15.7 Nature of Parental Supervision on Play Dates According to Ladd and Hart (1992), over 85% of play datesare supervisedby at leastone parent.

122

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Researchsuggeststhe natureof parentalsupervision is important.Ladd and Golter (1988) suggestedthat mothers who join into play may inhibit their child's socialdevelopment,whereas mothers who superviseperipherally (without joining in play) help their childrenachievemore optimal socializationeffects. They found that preschoolchildrenwho wereperipherallysupervised were better liked than children whose mothersjoined in play. Many parentsof rejectedboysinadequately supervisetheir child's play, despite continued problematicepisodes(Ladd & Golter, 1988;Ladd et al., 1992). Mothers of rejectedchildren may fail to teachtheir child conflict management skills and rules of behavior (Kennedy, 1992), and/or may allow their child to control play coercively (Ladd, 1992). Our clinical experiencehas indicatedthat parentsare awareof the conflict but don't think they shouldinterveneor don't know how to make an effective intervention.

15.8 Video Gamesand Play Dates Video gameshaverecentlypervadedthe culture of boys and is an activity that needsto be addressedon play dates. A survey of elementary schoolchildrenby van SchieandWiegman(1997) found a negativerelationshipbetweentime spent playing video games and prosocial behavior. Video-gameusewas not found to correlatewith popularity among elementaryschool boys (Sakamoto,1994), which implies that children who do not play them regularly are not at a disadvantagein regardto peeracceptance. Although most (77.2%) of 11- to 16-year-old boys play videogames,about10% of video-game playersmight qualify undercriteria of addiction (Phillips, Rolls, Rouse, & Griffiths, 1995). Examplesof play-datebehaviorreportedby parents prior to our treatmentare often consistentwith this picture: Rejectedboys may electto continue video-gameplay even after the guest tires of it (while either makingstatementssuchas "I need to get to the next level" or ignoring the peercompletely). Rejectedchildren may becomeso passionate abouta gamethat they are more proneto get into argumentswhile playing it. They may pick a

game they know better than the guest and use their advantageto bossthe guestaroundandcriticize the guest'spoorerperformance.Also, video gameswith violent themesmay at least temporarily increaseaggressiveness whencomparedto nonviolentvideogames(Schutte,Malouff, PostGorden,& Rodasta,1988).

15.9 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Having at leastone or two bestfriends servesas a buffer againststress,andimprovessocial competence.Play datesare common.Children who have them regularly tend to have a larger range of playmatesthan childrenwho rarely haveplay dates.The first few play datesare especiallyimportantin determiningwho will go on to be best friends. Avoiding conflict and finding commongroundactivitiesarekey. Mothersplayakey role in initiation and supervisionof play dates.The intervention should focus on helping mothers superviseand intervene appropriatelyin their child's play dates, as well as networking with parentsof potentialfriends for their child. Having the child assumethe role of host helps to eliminate conflict, clarifies parent supervision, and promotesfriendships. Although definitive studies have not been done on children with friendship problems,we advocatethat parents bar the use of video gamesfrom play datesfor children in our program.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now The children have met new playmatesin their neighborhoodthrough the "slipping-in" assignment.The childrenhavedevelopedtwo-way conversationalskills on the telephone,at first with other membersof the group, and then with neighborhoodchildrenwho arepotentialfriends. Through telephonecalls, the children have selectedother childrenwho were receptiveto talking with them. Parentswere told to maintain a list of potentialplay dateguests(andtheir phone numbers)for use in arrangingplay dates.

MAKING A BEST FRIEND/PLAY DATES

In This Session

In this sessionall these componentscome together. The children will receive training on "goodhostbehavior"usingthe insidegamesthey broughtfrom home.The parentsare taughthow to coordinatea play-date invitation with their child and how to preparefor and monitor the play date.

Parent Session Plan 7 Initial Gathering

This is the first time children have to bring in gamesthat canbe playedinsidetheir home.The most frequentproblemis due to parentsforgetting that the homeworkassignmenthasswitched to bringing an inside toy (and bring an outside toy instead).Boys with ADHD sometimesbring violent toys. Children with Asperger'sdisorder tendto bring inappropriatetoys (stuffedanimals, balloons, objects that they have made, magic tricks, etc.). Educatingparentsasto the inappropriatenessof thesetoys is an important part of the treatment. 1. Checkfor inside toys as they comein. 2. Chessor Mastermindmay be allowed only if the child checkedwith the grouplast weekto seeif anyoneelseknows how to play. 3. Have parentshold toys that are in excluded 1 categories. Potential Problems

Bringing a Prohibited Toy 1 One parent,despiteour instructionsto the contrary, allowedher sonto bring a "Nerf gun" with six projectiles. It is likely that she was encouraged by the amount of attention the toy had broughtto her child in the past.All the children from the group immediatelygatheredaroundto examinethe "Nerf gun." After the children left the parentroom, the group leader askedwhat was wrong with toys like the "Nerf gun." The otherparentsin the groupofferedthe following: "The toy is easily broken by others," "It would

/

123

involve policing the turn-taking of others," and "It would introduce aggressionbetweenthe

boys."

Bringing a Prohibited Toy 2 A motherof a 10-year-oldboy wasnot ableto say "no" to her child's insistenceon bringinga handheld video game,even though she knew better. Neitherchild nor parentwassurprisedwhenthe group leaderhad the boy leave the toy with his mother. After the children left the room, the group leaderaskedthe mother how she would keepthe toy out of subsequentsessions(andplay dates).The group leaderoffered to continuebeing the "bad guy," as far as bringing appropriate toys to session,but the mother neededto have the resolve to enforce this on upcoming play dates.

Bringing a Non-ToyObject One family of a 9-year-old boy brought an old golf ball just so the child would have an object thatmarginallyqualified ascompletinghis homework assignment.It appearedthat the boy did this with his parent'sencouragement. During the homeworkreview portion of the parentsession, the parentagreedto buy two new toys that the child would bring into the next sessionandhave availableat home for play dates.

Homework Review The out-of-groupcall andthe resultsof the "slipping in" assignmentsrepresenttwo sourcesof children to invite for the upcoming play date. Theseare the focus of homeworkreview. 1. There are two homework assignments(not including inside toy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth.Tell parentsthatyou want themto focus on the"slippingin" homework and the out-of-groupcall. 10bsessions,trading cards, water pistols, anything that shootsprojectiles, computergames,video games,books, arts and crafts, Magic cards, Dungeons& Dragons, Monopoly, Clue, or Twister.

124

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

2. Ask first for successstorieson the"slippingin" homework assignment.Ask where the children attemptedto slip in and whether parentswere either able to observeit or hear the detailsfrom their child. Thenget the other parentsto report.2 Debriefingquestionsto ask parents: (a) [For parentsof children with negative reputationsat school]: Did the child with a badreputationtry to meetchildrenin a new setting so that the child would be more successfuland "take the heat off" makingfriends wherethe reputationwas negative? (b) Did the child get a possible play date phone number from a child he or she slippedin with? (c) Go aroundto eachparentaskinghow the out-of-groupcall went. (d) In the courseof their turn, discusswith any parentnot complyingwith the inside toy assignmentwhat the parentwill bring in next time. Potential Problems

The Child Who Was TelephonedWas Rude A fourth-gradegirl telephonedanothergirl in her class. It was a short phone call. The girl in her classdid not ask any questionsand quickly said she had to go. When the parentrecountedthis, the leadersuggestedthat this was an indication that the children would not get along on a play dateandan invitation would likely be a mistake. The parentswere upset that their child was treatedlike this. But the groupleadercastthis in a positivelight: "Therewasno chemistrybetween the children. Not all children should be friends with each other. It is better to determinethis through the phone call than being repeatedly turneddown in requestsfor play datesor in the midst of a play datethat is deteriorating.The time will be better spentby you in looking for someone else to invite over."

The Child Who Refusedto Bring a Toy One sixth-gradeboy did not want to bring any of his gamesto the sessionbecausehe didn't feel

he had any board gamesgood enoughto bring (most of the gameshad piecesmissing).The boy saidhe would like to play the gameSorry, so the group leaderencouragedthe parentto go with the child to a toy store to buy Sorry and two or three other reasonablypriced board gamesto have availablefor the next play date. Parent Handout

There is no parenthandoutfor this session,just the parentassignment.Notice that only one session of practicewith the children in good host behavior comes before this homework assignment. That is becausethe parent'ssupervision of the play dateis the major activetreatmentcomponent.The parentsshouldget the ideathat this is the way to do all play dates,not just onesdone for homeworkfor this intervention. Ideally the processworks as follows: The child picks someonehe or she really likes. The parentsensurethat this is a well-behavedchild (andgentlyvetoesall others).The child calls and teststhe water (doesthe other child like him or her?).If the feelings are mutual, then the parent offers to make all the transportationarrangementswith the other child's parent.

Group LeaderGuide to Parent Assignment-Due on Sessions8-12 GOAL To increaseyour child's ability to becomebetter friends with acquaintances. Studiesshow(a) informal play datesaremost beneficial to social development,(b) one or two such play datesper week is sufficient for these benefits,and (c) parentsand childrenwho plan play datestogethermaximizethesebenefits.[Tell parents: "In this session,we are teachingyour child how to be a good host. Your part of the next homework is to make sure your child uses this in your "Keep in mind: Bad places:(a) the beach,on vacation-becausechildren come from all over and may not be appropriate to make sustainablefriends; (b) children being supervisedby an adult (e.g.,birthdayparties)-because the adult may interfere; (c) the library, bookstore-because peopleexpectsilence.Goodplaces:(a) neighborhoodpark, (b) after-schoolunstructuredprogram, (c) before or after team practice, (d) before or after Scout meeting, (e) at church/temple.

MAKING A BEST FRIEND/PLAY DATES

homeduring a play date you will supervisein a very specialway."] At the End of This Session 1. Decidewith your child on a new child to invite over. Your child must want to play with this child and this child shouldbe well behaved for you. [Tell parentsthe "gold standard"for the child to be invited over is someonewho:

1. Their child would like to play with. 2. The parent believeswould like to play with their child (i.e., was happyto receivethe inviting call). 3. Is well behaved.3 4. Is not family or extendedfamily. 5. Is within 1V:1 years of age of their child, or in the samegrade. 6. Is within a lO-minute drive from their house(to encouragereciprocation). 7. Is the samesexas their child. Have parentsthink of "back-up" playmates,in casetheir child suggestsan inappropriatechild or no child (research shows it's better to have no friend than a friend who valuesantisocial behavior). Best is a new playmatenever played with individually before (perhaps someonethe child has knownfor a while but neverinvited over). Next bestis someone theyhaven'tinvited overin a long while that usedto be friends. Third best is someonethey invite over rarely. Fourth bestis a presentgoodfriend.]4 2. Decide on possibletimes when you can supervisethe activity for about 1-2 hours. (Future play dates with the same child may be longer). [Ask, "Who has other children in their household?"Parentswho do, haveto comeup with a plan for what to do with siblings. For the first play date, accept the mother'sstatement,"We won't allow his little brother to go near," or "We'll make a play datefor his sisterat herfriend's house,"or "Dad will take his little sister to the park." Stresshow important it is for a parent, especiallythe mom, to be presentduring the entire play date in order to train the child on the rulesfor a good hostand to be ready to supportthe play date.] Making the Play Date 1. Your child is to havea two-way conversation with the otherchild first (to determineif they like eachother, have mutual interests,and have somethingto do on the play date). Then your

/

125

child is to makethe invitation to the other child. [Stressthat this telephonecall doesn'thaveto result in a play date, and shouldn'tif the children don't hit it off or can't think of anythingthey both like doing together.This is the only out-of-groupcall this week. Have parents think of a good rationale to tell theguestfor why therewill be no videogamesor TV. Good examplesare, "My mom doesn'tallow me to play videogamesor watch TV on play dates"or ''I'm on restriction from videogamesand TV." The parent shouldmonitor this call within earshotto makesure that the child handlesit appropriatelyand arranges to play gamesother than video and computergames. Tell the parentsthat the children already have been madeawareof this prohibition. It has beenpresented to them as a necessarypart of the homework.j5 2. You are then to check with the child's parentto finalize the date and time of the play date.[This play dateshouldbe no longerthan 2 hours (but maybe extendedslightly if goingvery well). The parent should offer to pick up the guest before the play date and, if necessary,drop him or her off after the play date. Parentsshoulddefer acceptinginvitations to the other child's houseuntil they are confident that their child will act appropriately. This can only be ensuredthrough three or four successfulplay datessupervisedby the parent. Furthermore,a play date at another child's housewould not qualify as completingthe homework,becauseit puts the child in a "guest" rather than "host" role on the play date.] ImmediatelyBefore the Play Date 1. Haveyour child decidewhat to play with his or her guest-something that will keep them busyfor the play date.Ask what they decidedon during the telephonecall. Chooseinteractive 3Play dateswith anotherchild who has behaviorproblems or who getsin trouble at schoolshouldbe avoided.On the other hand, shy children are good candidates.Remember, play datesbetweeninterventiongroup membersare prohibited, so continueto be firm about this. 'Some children will have had ongoing play datesuntil now with long-time friends. Thesewill not count as the homework, unlessthis turns out to be the "best deal." In any case,now is a good time for parentsto start supervising play dateswith long-time friends in the mannerdescribed in the homework handout,especiallyif there are frequentargumentson play dates. 5The most anxiety-provokingaspectof the play-date homeworkassignmentis the banon electronicmedia(Note: A CD playeror othermusic is allowedon play dates.)Some parentswill doubt that they can enforce this. It's important for children to experiencethat they and not the game they play are the reasonthat their friends come over.

126

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

games.Prohibit Nintendo,watchingTV/videos, and computergames. 2. Have your child hide any gamesor toys that he or shedoesnot wish to shareor play with, or that are noninteractive.[Say that once hidden, the gamescan't be retrieved until the guest leaves. The child may choosenot to hide them on the next play date.] 3. Ask your child to repeatthe six rules of beinga good host:

1. The guestgets to pick the gamesyou play. Put away gamesyou don't want to play with before the guestarrives. 2. Praise the guest's behavior ("nice try," "great shot"). 3. No refereeing(don't criticize the guest). 4. If you're bored, suggesta change in activity or having a turn (make a deal). 5. Let the guest have fun too (take turns, share toys). 6. Be loyal to your guest.If anotherchild stopsby or calls, thank them for coming by (or calling), andtell themyou arebusynow andwill get backto themlater. Do not leavethe guest alone. During the Play Date 1. You are to monitor within hearingrange but not so that the children can seeyou. [Stress how importantit is for a parent, especiallythe mom, to be presentduring the entire play date in order to train the child on the rules for a good host and to be ready to supportthe play date.] 2. If your child breaks a rule, you should step in and remind her or him about the correspondinggoodhostrule. [Tell parents:At the time of the play date, parentshave to be available to immediatelyenforcegood host rules. Whenthe parent hears an argument,their child criticizing the guest, TV or video gameson, or anotherchild at the door, they are to interveneby telling their child to step outside the room where he or she is playing for a moment.After the child stepsout, the parent is to ask, "Rememberthe rules for a good host?" If the child can repeatthe rule (don't criticize theguest. .. ) then the parent asksif the child can do that now. If the answeris "yes," thentheycan sendthe child back. If not, then keepthe child out until he or she agrees to follow the rule. Children are usually compliantin this context. If the child isn't able to repeat the rel-

evantgoodhostrule, then the parentstatesit simply (as is done immediatelybeforethe play date). A successfulinitial play date may involve several parentinterventionswhenthe child breaksgood host rules. The numberof times parentshave to interveneshould decreaseover successiveplay dates. This is the teachingfunction of this play date. If a child wandersoff in the middle of a play date, one of thefollowing may havehappened: 1. The child didn't hit it offwith theguestand wishes to disengagefrom an unpleasantexperience.The parent shouldask if the child likes playing with the guest.If the answeris "no" then it's time for snacksand waitingfor the endof the (short) play date. This is why thefirst play date is short. 2. Thechild couldn'tresolvea decisionwith theguest to switch to a new game. The parent should enforce the good host rule. (The guestgets to pick). 3. The play date went beyondthe attention spanof a child with ADHD. Considera medicationdose beforethe play date or considershorterplay dates, butfor now remindthe child ofthegoodhostrule.] ImmediatelyAfter the Play Date 1. If the play datewas a success,try to get to know the otherchild's parents.Try to talk with them when they pick up their child. [Encourage parents to get to know the guest'sparents if they Zl)ant the child as afriend for their child. Sayingsomething nice about the other child is a good icebreaker. Remember,parentsshoulddeferacceptinginvitations to a newchild's houseto afuture time whentheyare moreconfidentthat their child will act appropriately.] 2. After the otherchild hasleft, praiseyour child for somethinghe or shedid well during the play date. Ask your child if he or shewould like to invite that playmateover again.

Potential Problems

Parent UncomfortableWith a ShortPlay Date One parentaskedhow she could arrangesomething for only 11/2 hours with another parent ("Wouldn't theybe expectingmore?").The group leaderreplied that most parentswould want to be cautiouson the first play date, and that she could say to the other parentthat this time period was availablefor her right now.

MAKING A BEST FRIEND/PLAY DATES

EmbarrassmentOver Enforcingthe Rules of a GoodHost A mother of an ll-year-old boy was concerned if shehad to that her sonwould be embarrassed takehim asideto remindhim of a goodhost rule in front of his playmate.The groupleaderreplied that now is the chancefor this "tuneup./I It is better to have the guestseea social error is corrected rather than have it continue to ruin the play date.

ParentsEvadingAssignment Parentshaveaskedif it's okay to do the play date at: (a) a birthday party, (b) a family get-together, (c) the hotel pool when they are out of town, or (d) with a cousin who is 5 years older than the child. The groupleaderrespondswith statements such as "Our goal is to developfriendshipsoutside the family but within your neighborhood among children who consider themselvesas equals.So we needto stick to the guidelines./I

The Child Who PlannedHer Guest's Activity A mother of a third-gradegirl reportedthat on

previousplay dates,her child would write a list of all the gamesshewantedto play with her guest beforeeachplay date. During the play date,the guesttypically did not want to follow this list of activities that was being imposed on her. Her daughterwould then becomeupset and refuse to play. Our solutionwas to havethe girl call the intendedguestbeforewriting this list so that they could composethe list of gamestogether. We reemphasized that the priority for play dategame selectionwould be what the guestwantedto play (that her daughteralso liked).

/

127

would bring some gamesand the mom would watch nearby(pretendingto reada magazineor book) as they played together. This was a reasonablesolution to her spaceproblem.

Using SwimmingPoolsfor Play Dates One parentof a 7-year-oldgirl askedif usingthe swimming pool was a possibility. The group leaderaskedif therealreadywerechildrenin the neighborhoodwho seemedto comeover to their housewith the primarypurposeof gettingto use the pool. The mom acknowledgedthat this had occurred.Other parentsin the group verbalized their concernsaboutdoingthis. The groupleader recommended that for the first play date,it would be betterto establishthat the child beinginvited for the play date genuinelywantedto play with the child ratherthan simply to usethe pool.

Child SessionPlan 7 On the Way to the Child SessionRoom 1. In the parent meeting room, some children will startplayingwith the gamestheybrought during the initial gathering.They don't have the good host skills yet and this may delay the start of the child session(as they put the gamebackin the box to take to the child session room), so the group leader should discouragethis. Do this by telling the children that they will be leaving momentarily. 2. Tell the children to hold the board games firmly so as not to spill the contentson the way to the child room.

HomeworkReview6

AdverseLiving Conditions

1. Briefly review the out-of-groupcalls-askeach child who they called. Briefly check for trading information and how they beganand ended

One single mom lived in an apartmentwith lots of adults (and some children) living in every room. Therewas no placeto go in the apartment where playmatescould be alone. She electedto take the childrento a quiet areaof a nearbypark at a time when much younger children (supervised by parents) dominatedthe park. They

6The review of the out-of-groupcalls and "slipping in" assignmentsnow have immediate relevancein generating children to invite for the play-datehomeworkassignment.

the phonecall. 2. Reviewattemptsto "slip into" a group of children with whom they were not familiar. Ask, "Wheredid you go to try to slip in? What game

128

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

was played?How did you ask to join? Which side did you join (winning or losing)? What did the kids do (let you in)? (When entry was turneddown, add:) What did you do next?"

Homework Assignment 1. Bring an inside toy againnext time. 2. Play dates: Pick a child to invite over for an hour or two. Call this child asthe out-of-group call. Have a two-way conversationto determine which gamesto play before askingthe other child over.

Didactic Friendlesschildrenmay think that a play dateis a chancefor them (as opposedto them and their guest)to do fun things or that their guestwill be their "play slave" (who is there for the purpose of entertainingand meeting their needs).The conceptof "host" puts children in a role with which they are somewhatfamiliar. Sometimes children have never thought of themselvesas a hostwhenanotherchild comesover. For children who have seldomor neverhad play dates,good coachingand supervisioncan help them avoid the mistakesthat can occur from simply being overly excited and overwhelmedabout finally having someoneat their house. 1. Ask the childrenthe differencebetween"host" and "guest." (Answer: The host's job is to makesurethe guesthasa goodtime, to listen to the guest.The most importantthing is the guesthasfun. The guestis not a "play slave.") 2. Tell the childrenthey aregoing to havea play date(usethe term "get-together"for older children) asthe homeworkassignment.Theywill use the out-of-group call to find out about, and set up, what the guestwants to do (i.e., the gamestheywant to play) andto haveguest bring gamesthey don't have that the guest wants to play. No video games, computer games,or TV will be allowed.7 3. When their guestfirst getsto the house,they shouldgive a tour of the houseshowingwhere bathroomsand kitchen are and ask if the guestis thirsty, and so on.

4. Presentthe "Rules for a Good Host," using a Socratic method (see Table 10.2). Keep in mind this templatefor the six rules.

Rulesfor being a good host (when you invite someoneover to play): (a) The guestgets to pick the gamesyou play. Put away gamesyou don't want to play with before your guestarrives. Computer games/Nintendo/TVetc. are offlimits.sThey areto concentrateon gettingto know each other by talking. (b) Praisetheguest'sbehavior,for example,nice try, greatshot. (c) No refereeing.Don't criticize the guest.The guest is "always right" except when the guestwants to do somethingdangerous. (d) If you're bored, suggesta changein activity or havinga turn. (You may haveto makea deal-"How about if we play _ _, and then we can _ _"). (e) Let theguesthavefun too (taketurns,share toys). (f) Be loyal to your guest.If anotherchild you know stops by or calls, thank them for coming by (or calling), and tell them you are busy and will get back to them later. Do not leaveyour guestalone. 5. Say to the children, "To help you be a better host, it's always a good idea to think of toys that you don't want the guest to play with. For instance,you just put togethera Lego airplane and you don't want your guestto take it apart. Who can think of other examples?" (Havethe childrenthink of toys theywouldn't want to share.)Then add, "Theseare games thatyou want to keepout of sight of the guest. Your parentswill help you find someplaceto ;While youngerchildren tend to remain silent, older children often reactnegativelyto the ban on electronicmedia (TV, Nintendo, GameBoy, and computer).They will often frantically come up with reasonswhy they will be "social outcasts"if they don't have theseavailableon play dates. They will try to prevail on their parentsnot to enforcethis rule. Standfirm by this rule. 8Thegroup leaderanswers"no" to both of the following: "How aboutfollowing the rules for the two-hour play date and then playing Nintendoafter it is over?" "How aboutif vou have two controllers for your Nintendo and both of you can play?

MAKING A BEST FRIEND/PLAY DATES

put themright beforeyour guestcomesover. After the guest hasleft, you can get them." Clinical Example: Presenting the Good Host Rules

GL: What is a host? Child: You showkids around. GL: Why do you do that? Child: If you are nice to a kid, they are going to want to come back. First do what the guest wantsto do. GL: The mostimportantjob for a hostis to make sure that the guesthas a good time. Child: Then they'll tell other kids that you're a good person. GL: That'sright. In your out-of-groupcall you're going to ask them what gamesthey want to play. GL: What if they want to playagameyou don't have? Child: Ask if they can bring it. GL: What about telling the guest they're a cheater? Child: They won't want to comeover again. GL: What's the first thing you ask when they comein? Supposingtheyhada 32-ouncedrink before they cameover and a long ride in the car? Child): [Laugh] Showthemwherethe bathroom is. Child: Offer food. Potential Problems

Examplesof Debateon the Rulesof a Good Host Child: What if they don't treatme like thatwhen I'm at their house? GL: Only have play dateswith kids that don't mistreatyou. Child: How abouta play date at their house. GL: The play dateneedsto be at your housebecauseyou are learningto be a good host.

/

129

Child: Why not have an overnight? [Note: Somechildrenareso desperatefor friend, they don't want to let them go]. GL: You're just getting to know eachother and you want to go slow.

Examplesof Worries Children Have on Play Dates The guestdamagesthe host'stoys: Put awaytoys that you don't want the guestto touch beforethe guestarrives. If guestis doingit on purpose,askhim to stop. If this doesn'twork, tell your parent. The guestbrings dangerousobjects: First, tell them to put it away. If the guestdoesn'tlisten, tell your parent. The guestwants to play with anotherchild in the neighborhood: On the first play date, tell them "let's do that next time." If this happensagainnext time, you don'thave to invite this guestover anymore.

The guestcheats: Ask the guestwhat the rule shouldbe. Choosesomeoneelsefor a future play date if the guestis a chronic cheater. Real Play

Most featuresof an actualplay dateare captured here. When group leadersmonitor host and guest,it makesit easierfor parentmonitoringat home. 1. Break up into same-sexdyads. One child is pickedto be theguest,the otheris the host.They then play gamesthey brought in (the guests decidewhich game). Praisethe host for deferring to the guest'schoices,sayingthe host hasthe hardestjob. 2. Have them decidewhich gameis playedfirst and when to switch games(the guestalways getsto choose).

nO/CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

3. If there is enoughtime, host and guest can switch roles. 4. Give a 2-minute announcementbefore the child sessionis over and play has to stop. At the two-minutemark, group leadersmay say, "The guest'smom just came to pick him up so the play date (get together) is ending. In two minutes it will be time to stop playing and put away the toys." Follow up in 2 minuteswith, "It's time to put awayall toys now."

Potential Problems

Extra Girl and Extra Boy If you have one girl and one boy left over after dyadsare pairedup, you may combinethemas a dyad on a play date (while remindingthem that they will be inviting same-sexgueststo their actual upcomingplay date).

Odd Numberof Children Make one same-sextriad with host, guest, and onlookerand rotatechildren through,with host becomingguest, onlooker becominghost, and guestbecomingonlooker.This is not a greatsolution, but the best that can done underthe circumstances.

Only One Toy Availablefor the Dyad It is important to have at least two toys, so that childrencannegotiatewhich onethey play with. In this case,take the toy not usedfrom another dyad and offer it as a choice (ask permissionof the owner first).

Refusingto be the Host One 8-year-oldboy refusedto be the host. This was treatedthe sameas any noncomplianceor disruptive behavior. He was told once that he neededto practicebeingthe host.He refusedand wastold, "This is your first prompt."He still didn't comply andwas told to take a time out. Upon his return, he reluctantlyagreedto be the host.

Ownershipof a Toy as Instrument of Coercion A seventh-gradeboy with conduct disorder brought his deck of cards. He dominatedthe game by demandinghis choice of card games ("Theseare my cardsand I get to pick the card game"). When the group leaderhad him put his cardsaway and use anotherboy's cards,this behavior stopped.

TantrumsWhena Child Lost the Game One third-grade boy with Asperger'sdisorder poundedthe table, startedcrying, and yelled, "You cheated"at the other player (who was the "guest") when he lost a gameof "ConnectFour." The group leader gave him an immediatetime out. At the conclusionof the time out, the boy reenteredthe room and immediatelybeganarguing again with his peer and calling him a "cheater."A secondtime out was administered. Whenthe boy returnedfrom the secondtime out, he hadstoppedcrying andarguingandwassubsequentlyable to engagein the exercise.

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Announce,"Todaywe workedon beinga good host. I saw a lot of good host behaviorin this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. "The major job everyonehas this week is to makea play date[usethe term "get-together" insteadof play date for older children] with someoneyou've met during the "slipping in" assignmentor someoneyou'vebeenwanting to play with but haven't recently. Agree on this personwith your parent.Remember,you are to call this personfor your out-of-group call and have a two-way conversationin order to come up with gamesto play. This will be your only required out-of-group call. You are not allowed to play videogames,or computer games,or watch TV during the play date." 3. Negotiateplay dateguestandtoy for next session with eachchild in front of eachparent.

MAKING A BEST FRIEND/ PLAY DATES /

Get child andparentto agreeon both. Choosing a playmate may involve some extended negotiations.If the child can't think of anyoneandwon't acceptthe parent'ssuggestion,

131

tell them that you will comebackto them after going around the room. Sometimesthe pausein negotiationsfacilitates an eventual agreement.

132

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentAssignment-Givenon Session7 Due on Sessions8-12 GOAL: To increaseyour child's ability to becomebetterfriends with acquaintances. Studiesshow (a) informal play datesare most beneficial to social development,(b) 1 or 2 such play datesper week is sufficient for thesebenefits,and (c) parentsand children who plan play datestogethermaximizethese benefits. At the End of this Session: 1. Decidewith your child on a new child to invite over. Your child mustwant to play with this child andthis child shouldbe well behavedfor you.

2. Decide on possibletimes when you can supervisethe activity for about 1-2 hours. (Future play dates with the samechild may be longer.) Making the Play Date: 1. Your child is to have a two-way conversationwith the other child first (to determineif they like each other,havemutual interests,andhavesomethingto do on the play date).Thenyour child is to makethe invitation to the other child. 2. You are then to checkwith the child's parentto finalize the dateand time of the play date. ImmediatelyBefore the Play Date: 1. Have your child decidewhat to play with his or her guest-something that will keep them busy for the play date.Ask what they decidedon in the telephonecall. Chooseinteractivegames.Prohibit Nintendo, watchingTV, and computergames.

2. Have your child hide any gamesor toys that he or she does not wish to share or play, or that are noninteractive. 3. Ask your child to repeatthe six rules of a good host: (a) The guestgetsto pick the gamesyou play. Put away gamesyou don't want to play with before the guestarrives. (b) Praisethe guest'sbehavior("nice try," "great shot"). (c) No refereeing(don't criticize the guest). (d) If you're bored,suggesta changein activity or havinga turn (makea deal). (e) Let the guesthavefun too (take turns, sharetoys). (f) Be loyal to your guest.If anotherchild stopsby or calls, thank them for coming by (or calling), tell them you are busy now and will get back to them later. Do not leavethe guestalone.

During the Play Date: 1. You are to monitor within hearingrangebut not so that the children can seeyou.

2. If your child breaksa rule, you shouldstep in and remind him or her aboutthe good host rule. ImmediatelyMter the Play Date: 1. If the play date was a success,try to get to know the other child's parents.Try to talk with them when they pick up their child. 2. After the otherchild hasleft, praiseyour child for somethinghe or shedid well during the play date.Ask your child if he or shewould like to invite that playmateover again.

Resisting Teasing

mon among boys (Boulton & Smith, 1994; Boulton & Underwood, 1992; Olweus, 1993). Children'svictimization scoreswere negatively correlatedwith peerliking, and were positively correlatedwith peer dislike. Schwartz,Dodge, Pettit, and Bates(1997) found that victimization ratingsby peerswere negativelycorrelatedwith social preference(numberof liked nominations - numberof disliked nominations)andpositively correlatedwith aggression.In a longitudinalfollow-up study,HodgesandPerry(1999)found that third- through seventh-graders who were withdrawn, phYSically weak, and rejectedby peers were most likely to be victimized by peers,with eachof thesefactors contributingto the level of victimization. Similarly, Boulton, and Smith (1994) found that the self-esteem(d. Harter, 1982) of boys nominatedas chronic victims was significantly lower in athletic competencethan either aggressivechildren or childrenwho were not nominatedaseitheraggressiveor victimized. Surprisingly, Perry et al. (1988) found that neglectedchildrenwere relatively unlikely to be victimized, andBoultonandSmith (1994) did not find any significantrelationshipsbetweenvictimization andany sociometriccategory.In contrast to the submissiveprofile usuallyassociatedwith chronicvictims, Salmivalli andNieminen(2002) presentedresearchsuggestingthat victims who fought back were common. Complicating the picture even further, rejectedchildren can be

Treatment Rationale Resistingvictimization becomesimportantduring the later portion of the treatmentprogram, after better friendship skills have beentrained, but before the child's negative reputation at school(if present)hasdied down. Many rejected children are the targetsas well as the perpetrators of negativebehavior.The treatmenthypothesis hereis that childrencanbe effectivelytrained to resist teasingin a mannerthat will deter the perpetrator(while not encouragingthe child to teasefirst or teaseback) and perhapsgain support from peersand adults who are onlookers. Parentsshouldalso be taughtto supportthis intervention.

16.1 Importanceof Protectionfrom Victimization We definea chronic victim asa child who is nominatedby peersas being "picked on." Victimization is highly stableacrossthe elementaryschool years(cf. Hodges,Malone, & Perry,1997).Perry, Kusel, and Perry (1988) reportedabout 10% of third- through sixth-gradeboys and girls were classifiedasextremelyvictimized throughphysical andverbalintimidation. They found ageand sex differenceswere nonsignificant. However, other authorshavefound victims are more com-

133

134 /

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

chronic victims and/or perpetrators.In studies of victimization amongfourth andfifth graders, rejectedchildren hadvictimization scoresabout four timesgreaterthanpopularandaveragechildren (Perryet al., 1988;Rayet al., 1997).Rejected boyswerefound to victimize their mutualfriends more than any other combinationof sex and sociometric status(Ray et al., 1997). This chapterandtreatmentmodulefocus on victims of teasing,becausewe havefound a highly effective interventionthat can be taught to the chronic victims to stop it. Most victimization involves teasing,so training effective responsesto teasingcanhavea substantialimpact.In contrast, a different interventionhasbeenfound effective for bullying. Bullying andaggressionare not synonymous.Victimization by and perpetrationof aggressionare handledin Chapter19.

16.2 Definition and Victims of Teasing Teasingis definedasdisparagingremarksdirected to anotherchild. Younger boys teaseprimarily by name-calling.Older boys teaseby disparaging the victim or the victim's family (Frankel, 1996).Teasingmay be humorous,but the humor is a sarcasticcommentmade at the expenseof the victim. It is frequently done in front of onlookers.Although physicalvictimization declines betweenthird and sixth grade,teasingis higher in frequencythan physicalvictimization during third gradeand remainsconstantthrough sixth grade(Perry et al., 1988). ParkerandSeal(1996) reportedthat friendless children were perceivedby their peers as having greaterdifficulty handling teasingthan children who had friends. Feldmanand Dodge (1987) demonstratedthat rejectedchildren had poorerquality responsesto teasingthanpopular children. Therefore,it is of prime importanceto train the friendless child in nonaggressivebut effective ways of handlingteasing.

16.3 Bullying Bullying is definedas repeated(onceper weekor more) attemptsto inflict unprovokedinjury or discomfortat one andthe samevictim by one or morespecificotherpeers(Olweus,1993).Results of surveys of bullies and victims reported by

Olweus (1993) indicatedthat 3% of all children were victims of bullying, 2% were bullies, and 0.3% (extrapolating)were both victims and bullies. Salmivalli and Nieminen (2002) found that 10.6%were bullies, 6.2% were victims, and 1.9% were both. Discrepanciesamongresearchersas to the prevalenceis largely due to differing definitions. For instance,Boulton andSmith (1994) reported prevalenceof bullying ranging from 30.1% to 57.8%of boys,dependingon the criteria (i.e., the proportion of peersagreeingthat a target child was a bully). However, they defined bully as "someonewho often picks on other children, or hit them, or teasesthem, or does other nasty things to themfor no goodreason"(p. 318). This definition probably includes children who are generallyaggressive,becauseit doesnot specify that the aggressionis directedtoward a consistent victim. On the other hand, Salmivalli and Nieminen (2002) trained their respondentsto excludechildren of equalstrengthwho get into fights with eachother, but to include as bullying "when the feelings of one and the samestudent are intentionally and repeatedlyhurt" (p. 34). Frankel (1996) distinguishedbetweenfrequent fighters (i.e., aggressive-rejected boys; cf. Chap. 19) who are nonselectivein their targetsandgenerally aggressive(cf. Patterson,1986),versusbullies, who are very selective in targets and not generallyaggressive(Olweus,1993). Other authorshavedrawna similar distinction betweenperpetratorsof reactive(provoked) versusproactive(unprovoked)aggression(Dodge & Coie, 1987;Salmivalli & Nieminen,2002),classifying bullying as the latter. The two types of aggressivechildren differ in other respects.For instance,boys with reactive aggressiondo not tend to associatewith eachother, whereasboys with proactiveaggressiondo (Poulin et al., 1997). Salmivalli and Nieminen (2002) reviewed evidencesuggestingthat bullies have good skills at deducingwhat othersmight be thinking andhave above-average social intelligence. Rican (1995) found that amongsixth graders, both bullies andvictims were rejectedmore than other children were. For girls, sociometric statusof bullies washigher thanthat of their victims (seerelationalaggressionin Chap. 14), but for boys, the sociometric status of bullies was lower than that of the victims. Boys are more

RESISTING TEASING

bullied than girls are (Boulton & Underwood, 1992; Crick & Grotpeter,1996). Sixty percentof boyswho werebullies in Grades6-9 had at least one conviction by the age of 24. Victims of bullying report that teachersdo little to stop it. Victim and bully statusis stable acrossages9-16 (d. Boulton & Smith, 1994, for a review). Bullying mostly takesplaceon the way to andfrom school(Olweus,1993).The incidence at school correlatedwith ratio of adult supervisors during recessbut was not relatedto physical characteristicsof the victim. Victims of bullying among8- to 9-year-oldsweremorelikely to play alone rather than participatingin larger groups(Boulton, 1999). Bullying is not a condition that victims can resolve successfullyby themselves.Encouragementto "just punchhim oncein the noseashard as you can" by fathers to their sons almost always leadsto disastrousresults.Unlike the Hollywood scriptsof manyfilms (suchasKarate Kid), most children do not havethe ability to contend with a bully in a physicalshowdown.It is almost alwaysnecessar y for adultsto actively intervene, with seriousconsequences being implemented to deal with physical harassmentand violence. Thereforeit is not a part of the currentprogram. For a more detailed discussionof an effective program,seeOlweus(1993). Frankel(1996) presentedparts of this programin a form that can be readily employedby parents.

Research on Teasing 16.4 Teasing Within Different Subgroups Researchon teasingsuggestsit is commonin elementaryschool, with someteasersand teased pupils in every classroom.Well-liked children teasein less critical, more prosocialways than rejected children (Keltner, Young, Heerey, Oemig, & Monarch, 1998). Children are more awarethan teachersof who the teasersand the teasedare (Aho, 1998). Researchsuggeststhat teasingis more distressingtogirls thanto boys (Keltner et al., 1998). Interpretationof this is unclear. This research may reflect an artifact, becausethe authorsdid not extract relational aggression(see Chap. 9) from teasing(Crick, 1995).Cash(1995) examined

/

135

the recollectionof childhoodappearance-related teasingby adult females.Most teasingwasabout facial characteristicsandweight. Although peers perpetratedmostteasing,teasingby brotherswas also common. Womenwho reportedhavinghad more severeteasingabout physical appearance in childhood held more dissatisfyingbody imagesas adults.

16.5 Effective Ways of Handling Teasing The dominantmotivation reportedby perpetrators of teasingis their pleasureat the discomfort of the victim (Warm, 1997). Although accepted children tend to employ humor or assertionin responseto beingteased(Perry,Williard, & Perry, 1990),rejectedchildrentendto get angry, upset, or physically aggressive(d. Shantz,1986). This reaction probably motivates the perpetratorto continue,evenif the victim usesphysicalaggression (d. Shantz,1986). Kochenderferand Ladd (1997) observedvictimization and askedfor responsestrategiesin 199 kindergartners.They found the strategyof "having a friend help" was associatedwith reducedvictimization, whereas "fighting back" was relatedto stablevictimization. Scambler,Harris, and Milich (1998) had childrenbetween8 and 11 yearsold view videotapedinteractionsof one child being teasedby two otherchildren.They sawthe victim respond eitherwith humor, by ignoring, or with hostility. Subjectsrated the humorousresponseas the most effective, followed by ignoring, and the hostile responseas least effective. Furthermore, the victim's responseto teasingsignificantly affectedthe rater'sperceptionsof the friendliness and popularity of the teasersand victim. Children have been taught to develop humorousor assertivecopingresponsesto teasing. Goodwin and Mahoney (1975) presentedthe earliestdocumenteduse of this approach. Boys in a residentialtreatmentsetting took part in a "tauntinggame"in which the otherboys tried to make the target boy angry. Coping responses werefirst modeledon a videotape.Thenthe boys took turns beingthe target.Resultsshowedthat all boys were able to develop coping responses and subsequentlyreducedisruptivebehaviorin their classroom. Lochman and Wells (1996) recently replicatedthis approach.

136

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

16.6 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Bullying andteasingarevastly different phenomena,althoughfrequentlylumpedtogetherby the media as well as researchers.Different approachesare effective with each. Teasingis far morecommonthanbullying. The chronicvictim of teasingcan be taught effective nonaggressive responses.In teachingresponsesto teasing,the clinician must be careful to draw distinctions betweenteasing,relationalaggression,andstatements of a child's ineptness(e.g., "You aren't good at handball"). The goals of the perpetrator are different within eachof thesecategories.The goal of relational aggressionis dominanceand control of the other child's actions.The goal for statementsof a child's ineptnessis to expressirritation during a frustrating experience(e.g., vastly disparateabilities in handball). The goal for teasingis to get the victim upset.This latter goal is thwartedby the techniquesadvocatedin this chapter. Children see a humorousresponseby the victim as the most effective responseto teasing. Rejectedchildren are unlikely to usehumor but more likely to get upsetwhen teased.They can be taughtto usemoreeffectiveresponses.Group leadersmustbe carefulnot to inadvertentlyteach childrento teaseback (i.e., improvetheir teasing ability), becausesomevictims of teasingare on occasionthe perpetratorsand are more likely to be teasedbecauseof this. The parentrole in the child's vulnerability to being teasedhas not been empirically explored. We find that parentscontribute to the child's vulnerability in two ways. Parentsmay advise ineffective responsesto teasing,such as "tell the teacher,""teaseback," or "hit the bully as hard as you can," which may exacerbateteasing (being labeleda "tattletale" or becomingaggressive).Parentsmay also make it difficult for the child to ignore teasingin orderto defendthe family honoror may focus on the child's feelings aboutbeingteased("Justtell her that it hurtsyour feelings when she says mean things to you"), which also tendsto validatethe teaser.Thus it is critical to involve the parentin the understanding and training of effective responsesto teasing.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Parentshave supervisedtheir children in their first structuredand supervisedplay date during the previousweek.It is hopedthat children'sfeelings of social competencehave improved as a result of play date successes.Children with a negativereputationare learningthat they don't haveto put all of their"eggsin one basket,"that basketbeingthe peergroup at school. Children are also learningthat other childrenwill want to come over to play with them rather than just sit and play videogames.

In This Session Parentswill give their first report of how the structuredplay datewent. Counton the parents, not the children, to supply the crucial details of this play date. Often, the parentswill needfeedback on how to "fine tune" theseplay datesto increasetheir potential benefits. In addition to helpingthe childrenformulateandpracticetheir responseto teasing(with parent support), this sessionwill also continuepracticeof the rules of a good host.

Parent Session Plan 8 Initial Gathering Checkchild toys as they come in. Have parents 1 hold toys that are in excludedcategories.

Homework Review You may notice at the beginningof this session that the affect of the parentshaschanged.Many of them will have positive reports of how they witnessedtheir child have a good play experiJObsessions,trading cards, water pistols, anything that shootsprojectiles, computergames,video games,books, arts and crafts, Magic cards, Dungeons& Dragons,Monopoly, Clue, or Twister. Chessor Mastermindis allowed only if they checkedwith the grouplast weekto seeif someone else knows how to play.

RESISTING TEASING

ence.Much of the work going on from this point is getting parentsto "fine tune" their observation andsupervisionof the play date.They need to be ready to interveneto keep their child on track as a goodhost. Parentsare not usedto letting their childrenplay by themselves,monitoring closelyenoughto identify whenthey should intervene,and then limiting their intervention to effective promptsfor their child. 1. There are two homework assignments(not including insidetoy), andnot enoughtime to review all in depth.Tell parentsthatyou want them to focus on (a) the out-of-group call, which led up to (b) the play date. 2. Parentstypically needremindingthat the outof-group call is specificallyfor the purposeof organizingthe play dateandthat they should be monitoring this also. Ask about the outof-the groupcall: (a) Wasthe otherchild interestedor excitedby the call, (b) did the children have things to talk about (in a two-way conversation),and (c) did the children come up with thingsto do togetheron play date?If yes to all, then parentsshouldhavearrangedthe play date. If no to all, then they shouldhave helpedtheir child selectanotherplaymate. 3. Ask who had a successfulplay date experienceand havethem report first. Recountthe first play date: (a) Was a parentthere to supervise?(b) Did the parenthaveto intervene to enforcethe good host rules?Did the child comply with the rule? This is the teaching function of this play date-havingto enforce ruleshelpsthe childrenwhereandwhenthey needit the most. (c) Review the different activities that the children did. How did the exclusionof video gameandTV work? (d) Did the child want to invite his or her playmate back? Elicit testimonialsfor how this was a betterquality play date.(e) Did the parentget to know the other child's parenta little bit? 4. Tell parentsa play date should be easieron the parentthansupervisingtheir child alone. It is a self-esteembooster-especially if their child found anotherchild with similar interestsand entertainedhim or her on his or her own. The child should know that another child cameover just to play with him or her, not just to play with neatvideo games.

/

137

Clinical Examplesof First Successful Play Dates The motherof a fifth-grade boy with oppositional defiant disorderwas surprisedthat her son was well behavedwith his guestwhile at the same time he was curt with his mother. Despitea badreputationat school,the classmate of a shy fifth-grade girl agreedto have a play date. She spokewith a girl at school to set up play date.The moms called eachother to set up details. During the play date,the girls played "catch" with balloons,andplayed"dress-up"and "fashion show" with mom'sclothing. They then sangon her karaokemachine.Both girls had a great time.

SuccessfullyFendingOff PeerPressure for Videogames A sixth-gradeboy with Asperger'sdisordercomplainedon the way homefrom the previoussession, "If we don't play 'DragonBall Z,' that will makeme look like a dork to my guest."His mom replied, "Tell themyour mom is a hugewitch and doesn'tallow you to play 'Dragon Ball Z.' They havemomstoo. They'll understand."During the subsequent play date,the boysplayedMonopoly. The boy madepopcornfor his guest.He felt good aboutthe play date.

RemindingAbout the Good Host Rules An ll-year-oldboy with ADHD telephoneda boy who insistedhe only liked TV and homework. With his mothercoachinghim, he told the other boy, "Well I'd like to haveyou over but my mom sayswe can'twatchTV. Insteadwe haveto make a plan of three other things we can do." They wereableto makea list of possiblethingsto play. One of the gamesthe other boy wantedto play was Monopoly. He first said, "That'd take too long." Then he pausedand said sarcastically, "Sure, we canplay Monopoly." His parentpulled him aside and remindedhim of the good host rule (a little prematurelybut appropriately).He then said to the other boy, "I really meanit-we can play Monopoly." At the time of the play date, they played

138

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Monopoly, then baked cookies and sangsongs from a "Weird Al Yankovic" album.The boy continued playing songsfrom the album despitehis guest'sobvious boredom.His parent (listening from anotherroom) came in, pulled him aside, remindedhim of the good host rule, and took away the lyric sheet.He beganagainto do what his guestwanted.The otherboy hada greattime. The parentsreporteda much happierplay date than any play date that involved Nintendo. The next day the other boy was waiting for him at schoolwhen his dad droppedhim off.

First Play Date Without Baby Sister A second-gradeboy with ADHD had a charming youngersisterwho would take over any play datehe hadwith a friend. On this play date,one parenttook the sister to a movie while the boy had his guestover. The boys playedin the back yard, diggingin mud. At onepoint the boyswere so far awaythat the mom couldn'thearwhat was goingon. So the mom checkedon themby bringing shovelsout. Her son took the bigger shovel and the mom whisperedinto his ear, "be a good host." He quickly gavehis guestthe biggershovel. Her son was clearly elated, even after the play datewas over.

OvercomingChild Resistanceto Making the Call for a Play Date The mother of a fourth-gradeboy said her son wanted a play date with another boy but was afraid to call him. Despiteher efforts, he refused to make the call. So during the day, when she was sure no one was home at the other child's house,shecalledandleft a messagethat her son wantedto speakto the otherboy. Shetold her son shedid this. Her sonwas pleasedwhen the other boy returnedthe call and had no difficulty in having a conversation,andthe play datewas setup.

Potential Problems

SavingFace After Failing to Do the Assignment The mother of a third-grade boy said her son didn't have a play date but had a sleep-overat

someoneelse'shouse.Shebegansayinghow much betterit seemed(but how could sheknow since shewasn'tthereto supervise?).The groupleader cut heroff, sayinghewantedto hearaboutcompletion of homeworkfrom othersin the group.

Parent Breakinga Play Date Rule A bright third-gradeboy with autismfound common interestswith a boy in his classduring his out-of-groupcall. The other boy acceptedhis invitation for the play date. His parentswere surprised.Becausetheyweren'tsuretheir sonwould offer enoughon the play date to keep the other boy interested,they took the boys bowling for the first hour, in clear oppositionto the instructions on the handout. The remainderof the 2hour play date went well. The boy let his guest choosethe activities.They gavehis turtlesa bath andtook themfor a walk. They thenplayed"hide and seek."His guestaskedto stayovernight,but was told they couldn't that night. Mom realized that the trip to the bowling alley was unnecessaryand could haveinterferedwith their friendship (if they didn't have enoughtime to play by themselves).

ImposingMother, ShyChild The mother of a shy second-gradeboy reported that shefelt her sonwas too shy to completehis homeworkas assigned,so shetook the initiative (as shehasdonefor the last 2 years)and tried to arrangea play date directly with anotherchild's mom (without first consultingher son). The groupleaderaskedherhow her sonwas doing, "slipping in." Shesaidhe occasionallyjoins in but sayshe usuallywaits on sidelinesandconsidersthe childrenhe is watchingas "playing too rough." The group leader pointed out that her sonmay havegood tastein beinguncomfortable with more aggressivechildren'splay. Becausehe is able to "slip in" sometimes,he may havefound one group who plays at a comfortablelevel for him andthe mom shouldrespectthat. The group leader also pointed out that the mom needsto take a back seat and encourageher son to initiate the play datesso that she doesn'tmake it too easyfor him.

RESISTING TEASING

ProblemsRecognizingEmotionalCues A mother of a sixth-gradeboy with Asperger's disorderreportedthat her sondidn't know if his guest had a good time. The group leader respondedthat the mom may have to teach him which cues would indicate this: (a) His guest askedto stay longer, and (b) the mom observed the guestlaughing,smiling, and complimenting her son on his games.

Play Date in the Neighborhood Insteadof at Home A second-gradegirl did not establishwhat she andher guestwould do beforethe play date.The girls playedindoorsat first for about30 minutes. They then went down her streetto play basketball. Two other girls in the neighborhoodapproachedthem when they were outside. She askedher guestif she wantedto continueplaying just with her. Her guestsaid "no" and asked the othersto join (this resultedin a violation of the play date rule for the guest-remainloyal to your host).The groupleaderadvisedthat sheplan her activity on the phonebefore the play date, keep the play date inside her home, and maintain loyalty to her guest.

Guest'sParentWantsto Drop Off Sibling for Babysitting A mother of a second-gradegirl reportedthat the motherof the guestaskedif the youngersister could be droppedoff also. The group leader pointedout that it wasinconsideratefor a guest's parentto ask this on first play date. The parent was urged to politely refuse this, saying something like, "I'd love to do a bigger get-together later but right now I would just like to have the two girls." If this happensduring the phone call to schedulethe play date, the parent can request anothertime when it would be convenientfor the guest'sparent to drop off only the invited child. Other parentsin the group wonderedif the guest'smother doesnot value play datesor is blackmailingthe mother with child care just to get her child a play date.

/

139

ParentsNot Handling Play Date Consistently Parentsof an 8-year-oldgirl with ADHD had to alternatewhich parentaccompaniedher to sessions becauseof the mom's work schedule.Althoughthe momwaswell awareof her daughter's social problems,the dad maintainedduring the first sessionshe attendedthathis daughterdidn't needthe program.However,this changedwhen he monitoredher play date for this assignment. He saw that his daughterchoseto playa magic showandproceededto bossher playmatearound for the whole play date (the dad didn't follow instructionsto intervene).During this session, he askedhow he could changethis behavior.The groupleaderpointedout how severalinstructions in the handoutwould handlethis.

ParentAttemptsto Structurethe Play Date One father said he left a huge puzzle out and had the childrenfigure out 10 pieces.The group leadersaidthat althoughit was goodto havethe puzzleout, greaterbenefitsaccruewhenthe childrenlearnto structureplay activitiesthemselves. Anotherparentsuggestedart activities.The groupleaderaskedthe otherparentsif they could think of why theseactivitieswere not conducive to play dates.Oneparentsuggestedthat artwork tendsto be parallel ratherthan interactiveplay.

Play Date Out of Desperation (Poor Guest1) The mother of a third-grade girl reportedthat shedidn't like the girl who hadbeeninvited (out of desperation)for the pastweek'splay date.The guestplayedwell for the first hour but then became bossy and verbally hostile. Her daughter wasn't enjoying the play date and asked her motherprivatelywhenit would be over. The mom had her persistfor the allotted time period. The group leader said that her daughterhad good senseand that mom shouldhaveendedthe play date early by offering snacksand a video until the guest'smompickedher up. The groupleader pointedout that this wasone reasonto keepthe first play dateshort. The mom was urgednot to

140

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

invite this girl over (especiallyif her daughter didn't want to play with her) and to have different girls over for the next couple of play dates. This might provide her daughterwith better alternatives.

Poor Guest2 One mother of a fourth-gradeboy said that the guestarguedwith her over the video-gameprohibition. The group leaderpointedout that this was a "red flag" for a bad choice for friendship andplay dates:Evenchildrenwho don't listen to their own parentswill usually listen to parents of the host. Noncomplianceandarguingwith an unfamiliar parentare often evidenceof serious behaviorproblems.

Poor Guest3 A father of a sixth-gradeboy reportedthat he didn't have a play date. The reasonwas that his guestwas suspendedfrom schoolandgrounded by his parents.The groupleaderpointedout that this was probablya poor choicefor a friend right now. He had the dad think of anotherchild that was betterbehavedto invite over for next week.

Child Attemptsto Use Deceptionto Circumventthe TV Prohibition The mother of a second-gradeboy said her son told her that the child group leader said it was "OK" to watch TV while the children were having snacks.The mom said she didn't hearabout this and that it wasn't "OK" on this play date. The group leaderclarified that TV was not to be usedat any time during theseinitial play dates and that there had not been any directions to watch TV "while having snacks."

HomeworkAssignment 1. Next play date:Parentsshouldhelp their child selectanotherplaymatewith which the parent is comfortable,not a child with behavior problems.Parentsare to try a few different playmatesbefore the class is over, so their child will havea choiceof whom theywant to

play with basedon actualexperience.Reiterate two thingsfor the parentto look for when monitoring the out-of-groupcall: (a) Did the children comeup with things to do together on play date?(b) Was the otherchild enthusiastic aboutthis?If the answeris "yes" to both, then the parentshould get on the phone to arrangea play datewith the otherchild's parent. An out-of-groupcall doesnot haveto end in a play-date appointmentbeing made. If child called was rude then move on and call someoneelse.Maybe the next call will be better.2 2. Remindparentsthat the first play dateshould only be 1 to 2 hours. It's easierto extend a short play date going well then to cut a playdate disastershort. It's betterto end the first play date on a good note than to have a long play date end in disaster.

ParentHandout There are two main points to this handout: (a) Parentscan reduceteasingby "backing off" on havingtheir child defendthe "family honor." (b) Parentscan give booster sessions,practicing "make fun of the tease"with their child. 1. Review parenthandout.

Group LeaderGuide to ParentHandoutSession8-EffectiveWaysto Resist BeingTeased 1. Children will pick on others to teasechronically becausethey find it fun to watch their victim's reactions.Reactionsthat spuron perpetratorsusually involve "losing one's cool" or not knowing what to do. 2. More effective strategiesagainstperpetrators involve making teasingless fun for them but not getting them angry. (a) Walking away may sometimeswork, (b) Telling the teacheror other authorityfig2Bestis a new playmateneverplayedwith individually before (can be someonethe child has known for a while but n~ver invit~d over). Next best is someonethey haven'tinvIted over In a long while who used to be friends. Third best is someonethey invite over rarely. Fourth best is another presentgood friend.

RESISTING TEASING

ure tendsnot to work for childrenpastfirst grade,becausepeerswill teasethemabout this ("tattletale"). 3. An effectivestrategywe havetaughtyour child is to "makefun of the tease."What theywill be doing is making fun of the perpetrator'sinability to teasewell. This is different from teasing back: The child doesnot sink to the level of the perpetrator,andmaygain supportfrom onlookersfor this. [Tell parentsthat the idea is to showthat the teasingdoesn'tbotherthe child (even if it does) and that the child has a competent comebackfor any teasethe perpetratormight have. Children can do this with short, snappy comebacks(they shouldn'tget tangled up in an overly wordy or complicatedcomeback)or with voicetoneor actionsindicatingdisdain. Theyneed enoughdifferent comebacksso that the perpetrator will think:"There's plenty more where that camefrom. This is no fun for me." Having an effective comebackwill make the children feel muchbetterand morein control. Treatingteasing in a matter-offactway rather than as onerous and intolerablealso helpstake the "punch" out of it. Reviewthe distinction betweenteasingback (which provokesmore teasing,injures the child's reputation,and potentiallyescalatesinto a physical altercation) and "making fun of the tease" (which can't be usedas a teaseitself, but results in a sellse of masteryand often gains support from onlookers).] Examples: Child response:That'sso old it's got dust on it. Child response:And your point is ... Child response:Talk to the hand'causethe face ain't listening. Child response:Whatever... Child response:I fell off my dinosaurwhenI first heardthat. Child response:Can'tyou think of anythingelse to say? Child response:So what? Child response:Big deal! Child response:Tell mewhenyou get to the funny part. Child response:Thanksfor sharing.

/

141

Child response:[Exaggeratedyawn, covering mouth, stretchingmotions.] Child response:Huh?Huh? Huh?" [Exaggerated pretendingto not hearthe teasing.] Child response:Boo Hoo Hoo. [said flatly while hand is rubbing eye in exaggeratedpretend crying.] Child response:I don't get it. Child response:Yeah, and ... The essentialelementsare: Showing the teasedoes not bother the child (demonstratingan unconcernedattitude). Having a seriesof short, humorousresponses to successiveteases. Not sinking to the perpetrator'slevel by making personalattackson him.

[Encourage parents to take turns teasing the group leader while the group leader models comebacks.At the endof this demonstration,add that the child can also usethis in responseto teasingfrom a sibling.j3

Parent Assignment 1. Play date and phonecall with a new child. 2. (Optional) You and your child may practice "makingfun of the tease,"if your child agrees. [Tell parentsthey shouldnot usean actual tease in practice to avoid teachingtheir child to tease back. Theyshouldusea benignor nonsensetease like "your mamma"(mothersare doing the practice so that this will makeno sense).The idea is to get children to practicea variety ofcomebacks.]

Clinical Example of Parent Supporting Teasing Resistance

Takingthe PressureOff ofthe Victim The mother of a fifth grader reportedthat her son was teasedabout her being "fat." She said shecould tell her son,"No matterwhat badthings anotherboy saysabout me, I don't want you to 3Using the techniquewhen brother or sister is the teaser helps by having the child experiencesuccessin a more controlled settingbefore trying it at school.

142

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

get into a fight aboutit. It's not going to hurt my feelings."

PotentialProblems Wantingto Delve Into Hurt Feelings Parentsmay want to recount how they delved into the feelings that their child had aboutbeing teasedin order to provide empathy.The group leader should stressthat talking about feelings may validate the teasing (by conveying to the child that he or she should be upset) and may also distractthe child from focusingon an effective comebackat the time he or she is teased. Having an effectivecomebackwill makethe childrenfeel more in control of the situationwhenit next arises.Treatingteasingin a "matter-of-fact" way ratherthanas a catastrophicemotionalevent also helpstakesthe "punch" out of it.

Defendingthe Family Honor A foreign-born mother of a third grader with ADHD haddifficulty understanding why her son shouldn'tdefendthe family's honorwhena child usedfamily insults as the contentof teasing.The group leaderpointedout that the more her son felt he had to "defendhis family," the more enjoymentthe perpetratorwould haveteasinghim. Her choice was whether to keep insisting he "stick up" for his family or usethe techniquesin the handout and have the teasingquickly die down.

Child SessionPlan 8 HomeworkReview Many of the children will be reporting positive play experienceswithout havingto resortto playing video games.This will win many"converts" who can be countedon to support this during the sessionandpeerpressurewill becomea supportive factor. 1. Ask if any child had a chanceto "slip in" and call on children who raise their handsto volunteer reportsof homeworkcompliance.

2. Reviewplay date. Ask who did play datehomework and pick only children who did.4 Allow them to tell about their play date only if it followed the rules. If the child gives an exampleof a play date in or just outsidethe home, then allow the child to continue.If it wasanywhereelse or the child talked about playing video games, then it wasn't a play date accordingto the assignment. 3. Questionsto ask: Who did you play with? Did you call first to figure out what to do? Tell me one or two things you decided to do. Did you actually do what you had previouslydecidedfor the play date?Who got to pick the games?Did your guesthavea goodtime? Did you havea good time?

Clinical Exampleof Reviewof the PlayDate Homework GL: Who did the play datehomeworklast week? Child: I did. I hada child over that I sawlastyear. GL: Did you call first to figure out what to do? Child: Yes. We decidedto ride our bikes. GL: Is thatwhatyou actuallydid on the play date? Child: Yes. GL: That's great that you figured out on the phonethatyou bothwantedto ride your bikes. Did your guestbring over his bike? Child: Yes. GL: Great, did you play anythingelse? Child: We played "hide and seek" in my back yard. GL: Whoseidea was it? Child: My guest's. GL: Terrific. It soundslike you werebeinga good host! Did your guesthave a good time? Child: Yes. GL [writing a staron the boardnext to the child's name]: Did you have a good time? Child: Yes. "Ask who did the play-datehomework,as opposedto who had a play date,becausechildrenmay try to substituteany peer contact. In having the children review their homework, they communicateto eachotherthe advantagesand attainability of successfulplay dates.

RESISTING TEASING

Potential Problem

ExamplesofHomeworkNot Done A fourth-gradegirl said she went to the movies with a friend. The group leaderinterruptedand saidthatwasnice to do but that wasn'tthe homework assignment.The group leaderthen asked if therewas a play datein the horneas the homework play-dateassignmentcalledfor. The homework had not beendone. A third-gradeboy saidhis friend didn't want to play anythingbut video gamesand his morn cavedin and let them play. The group leadercut this off, reiteratedthe electronicgame prohibition, andthenaskedif anyonedid the homework assignment.(The group leader discussedthis with the morn at the end-ofsessionreunification.) Another child beganto talk abouthis appropriate play date.

2.

3. 4.

Didactic The focus of this sessionis to help the child identify causesof teasingin a way that w~ll facilitate his or her feeling competentproducmghumorous and assertiveresponsesin the face of teasing from their peersat school. Betweenthe introductionof teasingandthe descriptionof what to do aboutit is a critical time in the session.During this time, the groupleader should take care not to use a Socratic presentation or to recognizechildren who are raising their hands with suggestionsabout what they do in responseto teasing. Children may offer inappropriateresponses.Once said, they may argue with the group leader. The groupleaderinsteadshouldconveythat teasingis not a "big deal" unlessthey allow it to be a "big deal." Instead,most of the time is spent on the"comebacks,"which children will generate. Children will enjoy this part of the session andwill be morelikely to usethe comebacksthey practice. 1. Draw a box with about six buttonson it (the "button box") on the boardand two lines to a Nintendo controller. Ask, "Why do kids tease?"After two or three children give answers (if none are correct), the group leader says,"Kids teasebecausetheywant to getyou

5.

6.

/

143

upsetand'loseyour cool.' So that maybey~u'll cry, yell, hit, get in trouble or look foolIsh. They are also doing it to show off in front of other kids. They may even say to the other kids, 'watch what I'm going to do."' Do we want to provide the entertainmentfor kids who are teasingus?" (Answer: "No.") Discuss"button box": Each button is something that children can say or do that getsus upset. Children who teasefigure out which "button" to press and then press that "button." If we cry and such,they will corneback andpressthat buttonagainandagain.Everyone has a different "buttons." Have the children tell at least one "button" that children (not necessarilythey) get upset with. Erase the line drawn from the controller to the buttonbox. "What we needto do is break the wire so that other children can't control us. We have to disconnectthese buttons. Don't give the teaseran easyjob." [Don't answerany questionsuntil you get through step6.] "We want children to be able to have something to saybackwithout doingto themwhat they are doing to you. If you teaseback, you will get in trouble too. If we can say something back to them that's funny and not get upset,they'll look for someoneelsewho will put on a bettershowfor themandis easierto tease." Good comebacksare short, don't make you look silly andshowthe attitude"I don't care." They don't even have to have words-for instance,a shouldershrug.(Demonstrateshaking head and shruggingshoulders.)Say the comebacksbelow andlist themon the board.

Examples: Child response:That's so old it's got dust on it. Child response:And your point is ... Child response:Talk to the hand'causethe face ain't listening. Child response:Whatever... Child response:I fell off my dinosaurwhenI first heardthat. Child response:Can'tyou think of anythingelse to say? Child response:Who cares?

144

I

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Child response:Huh?

GL: [laughsand repeatsthe comeback.]

Child response:So what? Child response:Big deal! Child response:Tell mewhenyou get to the funny part. Child response:Thanksfor sharing. Child response:[Exaggeratedyawn, covering mouth, stretching.] Child response:Huh? Huh?Huh? [Exaggerated pretendingto not hearthe teasing.] Child response):Boo hoo hoo [said flatly while hand is rubbing eye in exaggeratedpretend crying]. Child response:I don't get it. Child response:Yeah, and ... 7. Ask eachchild to pick a comebackto useand go aroundroom and "tease"eachchild with the expression,"your momma." Somechildren will try to formulate their own comebacks.If they fit the criteria of making fun of the teasewithout teasingback, then acceptthem. 8. Praisethem when they soundconfidentand use a good comeback.Correct them when they attemptto teaseback.s Discouragetalking about specific teases.

Clinical Examplesof Practicing "Making Fun of the Tease" Child: Whatever... [Said with an unconcerned tone while shruggingshoulders]. GL [repeatingresponse withvoice tone that had beenused]: Whatever. What a great tone! It really shows that you don't care and teasing isn't going to get to you. Child: I would say repeatedly,"Huh?" [putting handnext to ear in a half-heartedpretenseof difficulty in hearing]. GL: The otherkid might saysomethinglike "Are you deaf?" or "You must be hard of hearing!" but then they will likely get frustrated and storm off. That'swhat you want to happen. Child: Talk to the hand[shelooks awayandputs up her hand, turning the palm toward the teaser]becausethe earsain't listening.

PotentialProblems ExamplesofIncorrect Comebacks Someolder children may have trouble focusing on this, in which casethe group leaderattends to the childrenwho areparticipating.Othersmay actuallyteaseothersin the group ("I hearda really great one today-"You're sister is so ugly ... Ii). Group leadersshould be ready to give immediate time outs for this breach. A fifth-grade boy recountedthat he knew one boy who would swing at him when he said somethingback after being teased.The group leaderrecommendeda comebackthat was minimally embarrassingor provocative to the peer with poor impulse control, such as, "Whatever ...." A fifth-grade boy saidhe had tried the technique and it didn't work: He ignored the teaser but the teasersaid another tease.The group leadersaid that he had to persistand to practice several comebacks.Delivering one comeback may not be enough. A third-gradeboy with Asperger'sdisorder was extremely silly in his role-playedresponse to teasing(at school, this probably would have provokedeven more teasing).The group leader cut him off by sayingin a neutralvoice, "That's not making fun of the tease."The group leader thencalledon someoneelsein the group. By the end of the session,after being cut off twice, he finally cameup with two goodexamplesand the group leaderpraisedhim.

HomeworkAssignment 1. Have eachchild namea likely perpetrator,if the child wants to. Have them practice the techniqueon the perpetratornext week or with parent.Do not practicethis during any telephonecalls. 5Be carefulto quickly correctcomebacksthat arereally teasing back or inept responses(particularly overly verbose, intellectualizedresponses-e.g., "I said to him, 'Maybe we really haven'tevolvedvery far from our simian cousins''').

RESISTING TEASING

/

145

Real Play

End-of-SessionReunification

The childrenusuallyshowimprovementon their good host behavioras they havehad a play date supervisedby their parentsbetweenthe last and currentsessions.

1. "Todaywe workedon makingfun of the tease. We also worked on being a good host on a play date.I saw a lot of good host behaviorin this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. The child leadercontinueswith, "The major job everyonehas this week is to makea play date with a new child. Agree on this person with your parent.Rememberthat you are to call this personfor your out-of-group call to corneup with gamesto play. This will be your only requiredout-of-groupcall." 3. Parentand child groupleadersgo aroundthe room, and one by one make sureparentand child agreeon a plan for whom to call to make the play date and what inside toy they are bringing next week.

1. Assign the children to guestand host dyads

as in Session7 to practice good host rules, making sure that each child gets a turn at beingthe guestandhostacrossSessions7 and 8. 2. The groupleadermaygo aroundto eachdyad and ask whose idea it was to play the game they areplaying. Verify that the child assigned as guestpicked the game. 3. Praisehostswho followed the guest'ssuggestion.

146

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 8 Effective Ways to ResistBeing Teased 1. Childrenwill pick on othersto teasechronicallybecausethey find it fun to watch their victim's reactions.Reactionsthat spur on perpetratorsusually involve "losing one'scool" or not knowing what to do. 2. More effective strategiesagainstperpetratorsinvolve makingteasinglessfun for them but not gettingthem angry. (a) Walking away may sometimeswork, (b) Telling the teacheror other authority figure tendsnot to work for children past first grade,sincepeerswill teasethem about this ("tattle tale"). (c) An effective strategywe have taught your child is to "make fun of the tease."What they will be doing is making fun of the perpetrator'sinability to teasewell. This is different from teasingback: The child doesnot sink to the level of the perpetrator,and may gain sympathyfrom onlookersfor this. Examples: Child response:That'sso old it's got dust on it. Child response:And your point is ... Child response:Talk to the hand 'causethe face ain't listening. Child response:Whatever... Child response:I fell off my dinosaurwhen I first heardthat. Child response:Can'tyou think of anythingelseto say? Child response:So what? Child response:Tell me when you get to the funny part. Child response:Thanksfor sharing. Child response:[Exaggeratedyawn, coveringmouth, exaggeratedstretching.] Child response:Huh? Huh? Huh?[Exaggeratedpretendingto not hearthe teasing.] Child response:Boo hoo hoo [said flatly while handis rubbingeyein exaggeratedpretend crying.] Child response:I don't get it. Child response:Yeah, and ... The essentialelementsare: Showingthe teasedoesnot botherthe child (havingan unconcernedattitude). Having a seriesof short, humorousresponsesto successiveteases. Not sinking to the perpetrator'slevel by personalattackson him. ParentAssignments 1. Play dateand phonecall with a new child. 2. (Optional) You andyour child may practice"making fun of the tease,"if your child agrees.

Respect Toward Adults

It is unclearin this casewhether teachersmay

Treatment Rationale

be expressinga bias againstchildren who don't obey their instructionsor are accuratelyreflecting the views of peersthat childrenwho get into trouble with teachersare to be avoided (d. Ritchey, 1981, cited in Foster,1983). Three studiessupport the contention that disruptive and defiant behavior toward adults directly influencespeerevaluations:Dodgeet al. (1990)found thatbehaviorsthat drewreprimands from the supervisingadultswere amonga constellation of variablesthat identified thosewho quickly becamerejectedin a new peer group. Dodgeet al. (1985) showedthat the level of compliance with teachernorms discriminatedrejected from acceptedchildren. Frederick and Olmi (1994) presentedevidencethat disruption of the classroombrought about by a child with ADHD increasesteachernegativebehavior toward the whole class.

Whena child's defiantor disruptivebehaviorgets him or her in trouble with a supervisingadult, someparentsmay act in sucha way as to further injure their child's reputation. This is not well documentedin the researchliterature but has beenobservedin our clinical practice.The treatmenthypothesisis that parentsmaybe provided with more effectiveways to view andhandlethe situation and children may be taught better responsesafter their behaviorhas drawn negative attentionfrom an adult.

Research on Components of Disruption 17.1 Importanceof Compliance With Adults Roff et al. (1972) first identified a subgroupof rejectedchildrenwho havedifficulty with authority figures. Noncomplianceto adult requests,a hallmarkof oppositionaldefiantdisorder,is also a good predictor of peer rejection (Hinshaw & Melnick, 1995; Milich & Landau,1982). Gresham,Noell, andElliott (1996) presented evidencethat a child's compliancewith teachers as well as his or her relationshipswith peersentersinto teachers'judgmentof socialcompetence.

147

17.2 Defining Problems with SupervisingAdults It hasbeenestimatedthat about50% of children who meetcriteria for oppositionaldefiant disorder (ODD) exhibit noncomplianceto adultsonly at home(D. Cantwell,personalcommunication). More commonly,we have encounteredrejected childrenwho exhibit the behaviorsnot only with parentsbut also with other supervisingadults.

148

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

The supervisingadult may be the child's classroom teacheror a coachor supervisorof an after-schoolactivity. Many parentsunderstandand attempt to respondto complaintsfrom theseadults. However, someparentsrespondto adult complaints by committing one or both of two significant errors. The first error is to avoid gettinginvolved at all until it is too late andperhapsthe adult threatens to expel the child from the activity. The second error is to hear and "believe" the child's account of conflict without checking with the complainingadult. It is likely that both of these errorsresult from a parent'slack of strategiesfor adequatelydealingwith the discomfortand embarrassmentof thesesituations.When parents take either of these two dysfunctional approaches,the supervisingadult typically feels unsupportedand may take more drastic measuresagainstboth the child andthe parent.Thus, part of the treatmentfocus should be on giving parentsbetter alternativesto use when confronted by an adult complaining about their child. NelsonandRoberts(2000) observedthat the primary differencein elementaryschoolchildren identified by teachersas disruptive relative to other studentsis their responseto teacherintervention. Childrenidentified as disruptivetended to persist after teacherintervention, whereas other studentsstopped.This suggeststhat interventionfocus more on the persistenceof disruptive behavior in the face of adult intervention.

17.3 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice It is clear that child noncompliancewith adult supervisorscan have negative effects on peer relationships.Researchsuggeststhat instruction for childrenshouldfocus on their responseto an adult reprimands(rather than total cessationof offendingbehaviors).Effective parentresponses to adult complaintscanalsohelp. Decreasingthis conflict may have positive effects on the child's peerrelationshipsand reputation.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Children are continuingto havesupervisedplay dates.Children who have beenvictimized have beentaught a techniquefor handlingteasing.

In This Session Parentswill give their reportsof how the second supervisedplay datewent. Parents will continue to needfeedbackon how to "fine tune" theseplay datesto increasetheir potential benefits. Some parentsmay have practiced"making fun of the tease"with their child as homework. Children and parentsare given instruction on how to handlesituationsin which the child hasconflict with an adult.

Parent Session Plan 9 Initial Gathering Checkchild toys as they come in. Have parents hold toys that are in excludedcategories.1

Homework Review 1. There are three homeworkassignments(not including inside toy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth. 2. Making fun of the tease:Ask if any child used it on a perpetrator,brotheror sister,or practiced it with the parent (either a successor failure at makingfun of the tease)?Sometimes parentswill begina discussionof their child's feelings aboutbeingteased.Cut this off, saying that this is counterproductivebecauseit validatesthe teaserand focusesthe child on the feelings ratherthan the comeback. 'Obsessions,trading cards, water pistols, anything that shootsprojectiles, computergames,video games,books, arts and crafts, Magic cards, Dungeons& Dragons, monopoly. Chessor Mastermindallowed only if they checked with the group last week.

RESEPECTTOWARD ADULTS

3. The out-of-groupcall: (a) Was the other child interestedor excited by the call, and (b) did the children have things to talk about (in a two-way conversation)?If this call went well, it shouldhaveresultedin the play date. 4. Recount the secondplay date: (a) Was the parentthereto supervise?(b) Did the parent have to intervene to enforce the good host rules?Did the child complywith the goodhost rules?This is the teachingfunction of this play date. (c) Did the child mind not having TV/ video games(at this point the children are more willing to acceptthis): (d) Did parents try to get to know the other child's parents? (e) Comparethe quality of play with the last play date-wereboth goodor one betterthan the other?What was child's evaluation?

Clinical Examplesof Homework Compliance SecondPlay Date Was a Charm A motherof a fourth-gradeboy (who previously disobeyedthe "no Nintendo rule" with his last guest)reporteda successfulplay datethis week. The guestwas a different, betterbehavedboy. In addition (asa result ofthe noncomplianceon the last play date), Nintendo was taken away for 2 days. This time, the boys played togethervery well. Parentand child beganto seethe value of limiting Nintendo,particularlyduringplay dates.

ConfidentComebackto BeingTeased The mother of a sixth-gradeboy reportedthat he was teasedwith "Why don't you go horne [pointing to the trash can]?" She said her child retorted confidently and sarcastically(with an amusedexpressionon his face), "Funny" (while pointingto the perpetratorwith bothhands).The teasingstopped.

Making Fun of the Tease in Responseto Harassment The mother of a fourth-gradegirl reportedthat her daughtertried "makingfun of the tease"with

/

149

a girl who was harassingher constantly.According to the morn, the perpetratorstopped.However, at end-of-sessionreunification morn and daughtercomparednotes.Her daughtersaidthat the girl startedharassingher again(but shehadn't respondedby "making fun of the tease").Without any input from the group leader,morn said, "You haveto keepon doingit. We'll practicesome more at horne."

PotentialProblems EvadingPlay Date Supervision1 The father of a sixth-gradersaid that his son would play with children in the neighborhood, but refusedto havethemin for a supervisedplay date. The group leader suggestedthat his son didn't want to be watched. The group leader askedif there was currently "junk food" in the house. Dad said "yes." The group leader suggestedgettingrid of all "junk food" in houseand buying "junk food" that his son and guestcould requestsolely beforeeachplay date. They could only have the desiredtreats while they played togetherinside.

EvadingPlay Date Supervision2 The motherof a third-gradeboy with Asperger's disordersaidher sonrefusedto havea play-date at his own houseand would only go over to anotherchild's house.The morn overheardhim say that this was becausehe couldn't play video gamesat his own housewhile he could do so elsewhere. The group leader suggestedthat he not be allowed to go over to anotherchild's house for a play dateunlesshe hadoneat his own house first.

Deferring ReciprocatedPlay Dates Severalparentsbroughtup that after good play datesat their housetheir child was subsequently invited to the guest'shouse.Parentswere told to haveall of the play datesat their houseuntil they weresurethat their child wasfollowing the rules of a good host. Parentsaskedfor graceful ways

150

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

to defer theseinvitations. Another parentin the group suggestedthat "we'll have to get the kids togethersometimesoon" can be a polite way of saying, "not right now."

Handling BeingTurnedDown for a Play Date A mother of a third-gradeboy said that her son had a good phone call with anotherboy. However, when she and the other boy's mom got on the phone,the othermothersaidtheywere busy that weekend.The mom askedthe group leader if sheshouldcall her again.The group leaderreplied that it is customaryfor the motherwho said "no" to initiate the next request.They shouldnot keeptrying in the face of rejectionssuchas "no time right now."

WrongPersonin Chargeof the Details A fourth-gradeboy made his out-of-group call and seemedto havea goodphonecall. Whenhe askedfor a play date,the otherboy (not his parent) saidhe didn't havetime. Without talking to either mom, the son endedthe call. The parent group leader said the mom should remind her sonbeforethe call that sheis the oneto work out arrangementswith the other mom. The next week, when her son called back and askedfor anotherplay date, the other boy agreedand the momsmadethe appointment.

Giving Up Too Easily During Continued Teasing The motherof a fifth-grade boy reportedthat her sonwas beingteasedfor being"gay" (a common teaseused by perpetratorsprovoking preteen boys). Shereportedthat her sonusedone of the comebacksbut gaveup after the first try because the perpetratorcamebackevenharder.The mom verbalizedher fear that someof the comebacks might encouragethe perpetratorto teaseher son evenmore. Oneof the dadssuggestedcomebacks that emphasizeda combinationof scornfulvoice tone and smoothreplies (e.g., "That's getting a little old," "I guessthat's the best that you can do," "What else have you got?"). The mom laughedand took notes.

HomeworkAssignment The goal for the last 5 weeksof the intervention is to have at least one play date per week. If the child has trouble with play dates, then these shouldtake place only at the child's house.This may haveto continueafter Session12 (the final group session),if necessary.Parentsshouldalso try to set up play dateswith as many different childrenaspossibleright now, althoughtheymay continueto invite over children who had previously successfulplay dates (for "extra credit"). Inviting over different playmateseachweek will give parentsandchildrenmoreoptionsin selecting potential best friendshipsto pursue.This is discussedmorefully in Session10 (seeChap.18). 1. Parentsareto continueto scheduleplay dates at their houseand not let their child accept an invitation to anotherchild's houseunless theyhavehad no "good host" rule infractions for at leastthree play datesin a row. 2. Have parent think of a new child for next week-theyareto try a few different playmates beforethe classis over so their child will have a choice of who they want to developfriendshipswith basedon actualexperience.2 3. Next week the childrenare to bring in an outside toy that canbe usedin a teamsport. Pro3 hibitions apply as in the first six sessions.

ParentHandout The handoutfor this sessionis supposedto provide the few parentswho take counterproductive approachesto adult complaintsabout their child with an alternativeframe of reference.The handoutis meantmoreas an initial exposureand perhapsto be usedaslater reference(d. Frankel, 1996, Chap. 25). Only the parentswho are currently involved with the issuescoveredby the 'Best is a new playmatenever playedwith individually before (can be someonethe child hasknown for a while but never invited over). Next best is someonethey haven'tinvited over in a long while who used to be friends. Third best is someonethey invite over rarely. Fourth best is another presentgood friend. 3Dangerous/aggressive toys-martialarts toys, SuperSoakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards,toy guns;too gooda toy-expensive toy that will upset the child if lost or damaged.

RESEPECTTOWARD ADULTS

handoutwill have questions.The main point to this handoutis that sometimesparentswill" automatically" take the child's side (whetherjustified or not). This will always exacerbatethe situation, make the complainingadult feel less supported,andprovokethe adult to go to greater extremes. 1. Review parent handout, "Handling Adults ComplainingAbout Your Child." (Thereis no group leader guide, as the handoutis read without further explanation).

Clinical Exampleof Parent Enlisting the Aid of Her Child's Teacher The motherof a fifth-graderwith Asperger'sdisorder saidthat four other childrenwould accuse her son of doing things he didn't do andget him in trouble with the teacher.The group leader asked,"How do you know he didn't do them?" She replied that she didn't. It was clear that the mom uncritically adoptedher son's viewpoint without gettinganothersideto the incidents.The mom could place a call to the teacherto get his or her perspectiveregardingthe incidents.This approachmight leadto the teacherwatchingthe children more closely next time to seewhether her sonwas in fact being unfairly blamed.

Child SessionPlan 9 HomeworkReview The group leader reviews children's play dates and attemptsat "making fun of the tease."Expect that about half of the children will have somethingto report. The other half will benefit from hearingsuccessstoriesand all will benefit from addedrehearsalof "makingfun of the tease" embeddedin the homeworkreview. 1. Briefly review the "slipping in" assignment. 2. Reviewplay date. Ask who did play datehomework and pick only children who did. Allow them to describetheir play date only if it followed the rules. If not, cut them off and ask who did the homeworkassignment.Ask, "Did you call first to figure out what to do? What

/

151

were things you decidedto do? Did you do what you decidedon the play date. Who got to pick the games?Did your guesthavea good time? Did you have a good time7" 3. Ask, "Did anyonemakefun of the tease?"Ask for details and correct children who applied it incorrectly by asking the group, "What would be a way to make fun of the tease?" Continuepracticingthis techniqueby having eachchild come up with one way of making fun of the teaseand correctingerrors. Don't allow any child to say what particular tease was used.

Clinical Exampleof Reviewing//Making Fun of the Tease"HomeworkReview GL: Did anyonetry to teaseyou last week? Child: This kid was guarding me in basketball and making noises.That usually gets me upset. I ignoredhim. GL: What happenednext? Child: Nothing, we just continuedplaying. GL: So he didn't makeyou lose your concentration on the game! Well done! Girl: A boy teasedme. He called me names.I said, "well that'snice." He said anothername and I said, "Whatever... " GL: What happenednext? Girl: He walked away. GL: That's great, so he saw he wasn't going to push your buttons. What if he called you another name,what else could you have said? Girl: Talk to the hand'causethe face ain't listening. GL [laughing]: Good comeback!

PotentialProblem

RevertingBack to IneffectiveStrategy One third-gradegirl reportedshewas teasedby anothergirl and replied "I don't like that," and "that's being mean." The group leader pointed out that those comebacksare exactly what the perpetratorwants to hear and askedother childrenin the groupfor comebacks.Severalchildren

152

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

repliedwith appropriatecomebacksandthegroup leaderhadthe girl repeatthe onessheliked best.

Didactic Few childrenadmit that accusationsarejustifiedso teachingthem to deal with unjustifiedaccusations shouldalso makeit easierfor them to deal with justified accusations.Use a Socraticmethod only for the first point here (seeTable 10.2).

1. Ask, "Why do adults sometimesunjustly accusechildren?" and quickly state,"The child hasa badreputation."Have childrensaywhat can a child do to other kids that gives him or her a bad reputation (use these points as a template): Trying to get othersin trouble. Saying things about others that they didn't do. Not following the rules at games. Taking other kids' things. Bossingother kids around. Laughingwhen someoneis wrong. 2. Ask, "What cana kid do to an adult that gives him a bad reputation?": Rolling your eyesat adult. Smiling or ignoring adultswhen they accuse you. Calling an adult names,cursing,telling them you won't listen. 3. Demonstratetheseall in oneexampleandask whatwill happenif childrendo this. (Answer: They will go to principal's office or get into more trouble.) 4. How to handleadultswho are unjustly accusing you: Don't looseyour cool, answerback, give dirty looks, smile at, ignore, or role your eyesat the adult. An adult won't listen as readily, even if you're right, if you are disrespectful. Do try to explainthe situationto the adult only once. If this doesn'twork, stop talking and be quiet, even if the adult is wrong. If you do this, the adult might listen to your explanationthe next time. You might say "If it will keep me out of trouble then I'll ... (cooperatewith the adult)."

5. Practicehow to answerwith eachchild. Remind them to answeronly onceand then listen quietly. Warn them you will be unjustly accusingthem in the remainderof the session.

Clinical Exampleof PresentingReasonsfor Unjust Accusations GL: What kind of thingsdo kids do to give themselvesa badreputationwith the teacheror with a coach?They roll their eyes,curse,don't listen or are disrespectfulto the teacher.Maybe they tried to get the teacherin trouble with their parentsand told lies. What happensif kids do thesethings:If you startyelling or cursing or kick a trashcan? Child: You go to principal'soffice or get into more trouble. GL: That'sright, you'll get bustedfor this and it won't matterwhat the original offensewas.

PotentialProblem Trying to Evokea Wider Discussion A third-gradegirl asks, "What if your friend is getting in trouble and you know who really did it, should you help your friend and tell?" The group leadersaysthat we are only talking about if you are the one who is unjustly accusedand avoids the wider discussion.

HomeworkAssignment 1. Practicemakingfun of the teaseon child perpetrators(not on the out-oj-group call). 2. Invite a new child over for a play date. 3. Next time-bring a gamethat can be usedin an outsideteam sport: basketball,soccerball, Nerfball, Frisbee,handball,Vortex.

Real Play The children should continueto show improvement on their good host behavior as they have had two play datessupervisedby their parents.

RESEPECTTOWARD ADULTS

1. Breakup into guestandhost and practicebe-

ing a good host (as in Sessions7 and 8). The groupleadermaygo aroundto eachdyadand ask whose idea it was to play the gamethey are playing. Praise hosts who followed the guest'ssuggestion. 2. Coacheswalk amongthe playing dyadsstaying next to each pair long enoughto get a senseof the action and then make a reasonably related but unjust accusationof one of the children. Youngerchildren: Exaggeratethe first two timesyou accuse,soundasinsincere as possible,so they understandwhat'sgoing on. Older children: Launch directly into an unjustaccusation,becauseyou will stunthem with the first accusationand they will naturally be quiet. Praisethemfor doingthis. Make sure that the child knows that each accusation was a "test" after their response.

Clinical Example of Unjust Accusation GL [watching children playing cards, pointing to the child just took a turn]: You cheated!I

/

153

saw you take a card from the bottom of the deck! Child: [pauses,somewhatbewildered.] GL: That'sgreat! You handledthat unjust accusation very well. You didn't argue, roll your eyesor ignore me. Terrific! Now remember,I was only testingyou and you did well!

End-of-SessionReunification 1. "Todaywe workedon beingrespectfultoward

adults.We also worked on being a good host on a play date. I saw a lot of good host and respectfulbehaviorin this group.Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. The child leadercontinueswith, "The major job everyonehas this week is to make a play date. Rememberthat you areto call this personfor your out-of-groupcall andhavea twoway conversationin order to come up with gamesto play." 3. Haveeachchild namehis or her play datecandidate and outsidetoy (teamsports)for next time in front of the child's parent.

154

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 9 Handling Adults ComplainingAbout Your Child

Children who have friendship problemssometimescompoundtheir problemsby being disrespectfulof supervisingadults.Examplesare arguingwith the adult, rolling their eyes,laughing,or walking away, insteadof listening to supervision.This also may hurt their reputationwith peers. We are teachingyour child to act respectfullywhen they are unjustly accusedby an adult. Children are more apt to "buy into" handlingbeing unjustly accused.

Rulesfor children to follow when accusedby an adult (whetherjustified or not): 1. Don't ignore the adult, answerback, smile, give dirty looks or roll your eyes. An adult won't listen, evenif you're right, if you are disrespectful. 2. Do try to explainthe situationto the adult only once.If this doesn'twork the first time you explain yourself, it won't work at all-Be quiet.

Rulesfor parentsto follow to defusethe situation: 1. Get as much detail aboutthe incidentfrom your child as you can, beforeyou determineif your intervention is needed.Always give the adult the benefit of the doubt. Don't say anything disrespectfulabout the other adult (you want to model respectfulbehaviortoward this adult evenif they were wrong). If you decideto talk to the adult, thenconsiderthe following whenmakingcontactwith the adult:

2. Be polite-checkif you are talking to the adult at a good time for him or her. 3. Keep your cool, ask for the other adult's side of the issue,whetheror not you think your child was at fault. Frequently,the other adult will haveimportantinformation. 4. Expressyour concernaboutthe issueandyour availability to work togetherwith the adult. This may defusethe issue,but if your child is at fault and continueshis or her misbehavior, this won't last. S. Have the other adult suggestwhat you both can do aboutthis. If it is reasonable,then try it. If it works-great!(If it doesn'twork, at leastit was the other adult'ssuggestion.)

ParentAssignmentsfor Next Session 1. Arrange one play datewith a new child at your houseas before. 2. Have your child selectan outsidetoy that can be usedin teamsports. Good toys-basketball,soccerball,Nerfball, handball,Vortex, etc. Bad toys-martial arts toys, SuperSoakers,books, skateboards,toy guns, expensivetoys that will upsetyour child if lost.

Managing Competition/ Gender Differences

Treatment Rationale

Research on Gender Differences

Sessions8 through12 help parentsandchildren build a network of peersfor more intimate relationships.The play-datehomeworkassignments and parentsupervisionof play datesare central to this. The treatmenthypothesisis that parents andchildrenwill needguidancein selectingpeers and making choices for peer interaction. This guidance,given throughfeedbackafter eachplaydate homework assignment,will help parents embarkon a productivelong-term approachto their child's friendships. The handoutsduring Sessions9, 10, and11 are intendedto educateparentsmore broadly about peer relationships.The focus of parent Session10 is on genderdifferences.This may be helpful becausemost children in these groups are male and motherstake the most active parent role in developingpeer networksfor them. This sessionmay help mothersunderstanddifferencesbetweenhow they approachedpeerrelationships as children and how their sons typically do it. Mothers of girls may better understandtheir daughter'speer-groupcontext.

The characteristicsof cross-sexfriendshipswere reviewedin Chapter4, and levels of friendship for boys and girls were discussedin Chapter7. This chapter focuses on other differencesin friendship [patterns1betweenboys and girls.

155

18.1 Girl and Boy Subcultures Beginningby aboutsecondgrade,boys andgirls tend to segregatethemselvesfrom one another anddeveloptheir own subcultures.Girls who are proficient in male activities (e.g., baseball)may continueto be acceptedby both sexes.The sexes eachhave their own determinantsof social status (Rogosch& Newcomb,1989). Girls are more likely to attendto physicalattractiveness,degree of amiability, or snobbery,while boys attendto the "neat-cool" dimensionof eachother'scharacteristics.Maccoby (1986) observedthat boys' best friendshipstend to shareactivity interests andphysicalskills, whereasgirls' bestfriendships tend to sharepsychologicalinterests.

156

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

18.2 Differences in Friendship Networks Becausegirls' friendshipstendto be more exclusive than boys' (Eder & Hallinan, 1978), it is no surprisethat girls tend to play in smallergroups thanboys,usually two or three (Maccoby,1986), and have smaller peer networks than boys (Benenson,Apostoleris,& Parnass,1998).Larger networks for boys have beenobservedas early as age5 (cf. Daniels-Beirness,1989).Thesestudies are basedmostly on observationof public behaviorin schoolsettings. A clique is defined as a group of girls (usually four to five) who are closefriends with each other and have regular interaction as a group. Many parentsare aware of the clique phenomenon, which seemsunique to girls' friendships and may manifest mostly in home situations. Girls can maintain interactionin larger groups whenthey form a clique (cf., Frankel,1996).The clique of girls will often rebuff attemptsby other girls to participatein their conversationsor activities (this is also true in dyadic interactions). Studiesof stability of friendshipsover time find that boys seemto add to their collection of friendswhereasgirls seemto cull friends. Within a school year, girls had more exclusive dyadic friendshipsthanboys,with initially triadic friendshipschangingto dyadicfriendshipsasthe school year progressed(Eder & Hallinan, 1978). Boys with manyfriendswere more likely to makenew friends,whereasgirls with manyfriendswereless likely to makenew friends (cf. Daniels-Beirness, 1989). A long-term follow-through study by Berndt andHoyle (1985) supportedthis pattern. Although boys and girls increasedthe number of friends throughout the school year and throughoutelementaryschool,girls madefewer friends than boys and limited the size of their friendship networksmore than boys.

18.3 Differences in Intensity of Relationship Berndt and Hoyle (1985) characterizedgirls' friendshipsas more "intensive" than boys. Girls seemedmore comfortablewhen they were with a single best friend (cf. Daniels-Beirness,1989). When comparedto boys, girls reported more positivesupportfrom friends (Crick & Grotpeter,

1996), knew more about their friend's behavior at school,andweremoreinfluencedby their very bestfriend (Berndt & Keefe,1995).Boys' friends were more likely to know eachother than girls' friends (Berndt & Hoyle, 1985),suggestingmore diversedirect contact.Becausebothboysandgirls seemedto be awareof most of their peergroup's popularity,theseauthorshypothesizedthat boys knew this from direct interactionwith otherboys whereasgirls knew this from keen interestand frequentdiscussions.

18.4 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice Boys and girls segregatein public play, starting by secondgrade.They begin to focus on differe.nt aspectsof social relationships.It is imperatIve that group processreflect this by promoting segregationof boys and girls in practice and homeworkcomponentsof the intervention.Althoughsupportingexistingcross-sexfriendships, the intervention emphasizesdevelopmentof same-sexfriendships. Researchsupportsthat boysare moreopenendedboth in terms of allowing others to join their play andin forming stableandever-expanding friendships,whereasgirls aremoreexclusive, reachinga limit to the numberof friendshipsthey maintain. This seemsto imply that the prognosis for girls is not as good as that of boys for integration into their peer groups throughout the intervention.Over the courseof running90 treatment groups,we have integratedgirls into our ongoinggroupsof boys (as separatesubgroups). At first this was done with some trepidation. After analyzingthe data,we found that comparison of pre- and posttreatmentmeandifferences in outcomemeasuresresultedin a nonsignificant trend for girls to do betterthan boys.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Children are continuingto have supervisedplay dates. Parentsand children are continuing to evaluatehow different playmatesbehaveandget alongwith their child on play dates.

MANAGING COMPETITION/GENDER DIFFERENCES

In This Session The mostimportantwork of this sessionis to help parentsand children make sound choices in building the child's friendship network. After usinggoodhost rules on play dates,childrenare now readyto further integrategood sportsmanship within a competitivegame.

Parent Session Plan 10 Initial Gathering 1. Check child toys as they come in. Have par1 entshold toys that are in excludedcategories.

HomeworkReview 1. There are two homework assignments(not including outside toy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth. Tell parentsthat you want them to focus on (a) the out-of-group call, which led up to (b) the play date. 2. Ask if anychild used"makingfun of the tease" on a perpetrator,brotheror sister,or practiced it with a parent. 3. For the out-of-group call, (a) was the other child interestedor excitedby the call, and (b) did the children havethings to talk about (in a two-way conversation)? 4. Recountthe third play date: (a) Was a parent thereto supervise?(b) Did the parenthaveto interveneto enforcethe goodhost rules?Did the child comply with the rule? This is the teachingfunction of this play date. (c) Did the parent try to get to know the other child's parents? 5. Haveparentscomparethe quality of play with the last play dates. What was their child's evaluation?You might find that play datesgo well with one or two different children and go less well with one child. This latter play date may have had more bickering and perhaps the guestwas harder to control. If this wasthe child's only play date,the child might chooseto havethe poorerbehavingchild over again out of desperation.But becausehe or shehasa choice,chancesare the child won't pick this guestagain,andparentsshouldnot encouragehim or her to do SO.2

/

157

6. Tell parentsthat the developmentof a best friend is like true love. This also occurswith adult friendships: Everyone has his faultsgoodfriends overlookeachother'sfaults and smooth things over quickly. If there are too many faults to overlook, then people don't becomebestfriends. A harmoniousplay date is a good exampleof how when children like eachothersufficiently, theyare moreinclined to smooththings over ratherthan argueover trivial matters.

Clinical Examplesof Homework Compliance Good Tastein Children The motherof a third-gradeboy reportedthat of her son's three play dates, one was harder for her to supervise,with frequent bickering. The othertwo were easy.When sheaskedher sonto considerhow much he liked eachchild, he liked the bickering child least. The group leader pointed out that her son had good taste. If the bickering child was his only play date,he might havebeendesperateenoughto invite him back.

Generalizationto AnotherChild's Home The motherof a sixth-gradegirl reportedthat her daughterhad an appointmentto do homework togetherwith anothergirl. After the homework was finished, it evolved into a play date. Her mother was able to watch this. She noted that her daughtercontinuedto be a good host even thoughshewas at the other child's house.

PotentialProblems Inattentivenesson Play Dates The mother of a fifth-grade boy with ADHD reported that her son would start playing on his lDangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, SuperSoakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards; too good a toy-expensiveball that will upset the your child if lost. 2Friendshipis a personalchoice, basedin part on comfort level with other children. Some children should not be friends, either becausethey have nothing in common, don't especiallylike eachother, or in the caseof children with antisocialinterest,are bad for eachother.

158

!

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

play datesand then wanderoff in the middle of the game.The group leaderaskedif he was taking medication.The mothersaidhe was not currently. She noted that the stimulant he usedto take seemedto help her son'ssocialpersistence. The mom agreedto consult with her physician in order to try medicationbefore the next playdate.

that'swhat we hopeto startchangingin their children. 2. Review the parenthandout,"Cultural DifferencesbetweenBoys and Girls" [there is no group leader guide, as the handoutis read without further explanation].

Homework Assignment

Homework Review

1. The goal over the remainingsessionsis to continue to haveat leastone play dateper week. This is to help parentsgive children a "tuneup" on good host behavior.If their child has troublewith play dates,thentheseshouldtake placeonly at their house.They shouldbe reminded again that when they supervisethe play dates they may have to step in one or two times to correctinfractionsof a rule of a good host. This should continue until there are no "good host" rule infractions for three play datesin a row. This mayhaveto continue after Session12, if necessary. 2. Parentsshould also try to set up play dates with as many different children as possible acrosstheseplay dates.This is becausechildren have different "chemistry" with each other. Think of a new child for next week.3

1. Reviewplay date. Ask who did play-datehomework and pick only children who did. Allow them to report their play date only if it followed the rules. If not, cut them off and ask who did the homework assignment.Questions to ask: Name one thing you did. What was your favorite part? Did you call first to figure out what to do? Who got to pick the games?Did your guesthavea goodtime?Did you have a good time? 2. To the group as a whole, askif anyone"made fun of the tease."Correctchildrenwho didn't do it properly by asking the group, "What would be a good way to make fun of the tease?"Briefly practicethis techniqueby having eachchild comeup with oneway of "making fun of the tease"and correctingerrors. 3. Ask if anyonewasunjustlyaccused by anadult and review with the child how he or she handledit. Correcterrorsthat the child made, if necessary.

Parent Handout

Child Session Plan 10

Children have begunto make new friends and startedto have successfulplay dates. Now is a good time for parentsto be awareof sex differencesin play and friendshipsin order to adjust their expectanciesof what may happen.The handoutcontainsonly the essentialinformation that parentsmight be able to use at this point. Group leadersshouldreadthe literature review sectionof this chapter(also review Chaps.4 and 7) in order to be able provide answersto typical parentquestions.

A fifth-grade girl said her mom accusedher of taking her ring. She said, "No, I didn't take it," and suggestedher mom look in her bedroom again. Her mother subsequentlyfound the ring in the bedroom.The child waspraisedfor "keep-

1. Tell parentsthat the childrenarebeingtaught how to be a good winner. Many children in our classeshavean inappropriatesocialgoalto win at all costs. Acceptedchildren value continuing relationshipsover winning, and

3Bestis a new playmateneverplayedwith individually before (can be someonethe child has known for a while but never invited over). Next best is someonethey haven't invited over in a long while that usedto be friends. Third best is someonethey invite over rarely. Fourth best is another presentgood friend.

Clinical Example of Homework Compliance

Unjustly Accusedby Mom

MANAGING COMPETITION/GENDER DIFFERENCES

ing her cool" and respondingappropriatelyto beingunjustly accused.

Didactic Until now the focus has been on getting along with the other membersof a teamthe child has slippedinto. Now the focus shifts more broadly to everyonein the game.The "rules for a good winner" are presentedusing a Socraticmethod (seeTable 10.1). The groupleaderkeepsin mind the templatefor the rules in the sessionplan. 1. Quickly presentthe rules for being a good winner: (a) Praiseor "high-five" your teammates. (b) Praisethe other teamfor a good gameor really trying.4 (c) Pretendthat winning was not important to you. (d) Don't laughor teasethe otherteammembers-in the future you may be asking them to play with you. 2. You are to use tokens again in the real play portion. Remind children about tokens for deck play-tokenscount as stars.

Clinical Example of Presenting Rules for a Good Winner GL: How canyou be a goodwinner? Child: You shouldn'tthrow a big party if you've won. Child: You could just say, "I won." GL: You don't haveto say it, everyonewill know it. You can say, 'It was a greatgame." Child: I usually say, "nice try." Child: The coachusually makesus shakehands with everyoneon the other side. GL: Whoseteam might the "losers" be on next time? Child: Maybe your team.

Homework Assignment 1. Invite a new child over for a play date. 2. Bring in outdoorteamsport game.

/

159

Real Play For the first time, the group leaderlets the children choosetheir own games.The children are not generally ready to be team captainsand chooseteam members.If you let them do this without structure,the betterathleteswill choose to be togetheragainst everyoneelse. This will make for an unevenmatch, angry feelings, and ultimately, chaos. Instead, the group leader choosestwo teams approximatelymatchedfor size, speed,and ability. Some gamesare more ideal for teachingpurposesthan others.Tokens continueto help to promotegoodsportsmanship andkeepthe tone cooperativeandpositive (consult the gamerulesfor this sessionfor reminders on how to deliver tokens).The following is a general templatefor gameplay: 1. Allow children to pick their own gamesand spontaneously usejoining techniquesto join in other's games(rules for Magic Johnson basketballand soccerare provided again in casethey pick thesegames). • Advise the childrenthat gamesthat involve a significant risk of embarrassingor injuring a peerwill not be helpful in developing new friendships.s • Help them pick gamesin which the children control the flow of activities without any adult intervention(e.g.,basketball,soccer, or volleyball). • Avoid waiting gameslike Capturethe Flag andPrisoner,wherethe children are called out a coupleat a time, as they offer lessopportunity for giving compliments. 2. Have the childrenvote on the gamethey will play beforeheadingout to the play deck.The childrendon't all haveto play the samegame, although no one is allowed to play by him/ herself.Girls canchoosea differentgamethan boys. 3. The group leader choosessides of approximately equalability. 4~h.e c~ildren who are on the other teamtoday may be decIdmg If they want the child to play with them next time. ar~ "Warball" (a variation on the game " 5Exampl~s Dodgeball that mvolvesmore aggressivethrowing of the ball at members~f the other team) and "Buns Up" (where part of the gamemvolvesa penaltywherebychildrenhave to bendover while their peersare allowed to hurl a ball at their buttocks).

160

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

4. Give out tokensfor good sport/goodwinner behavior. 5. If play startsto get too rough,give"cool down" time to everyone,while explaining to the group that thingsweregettingtoo rough and that they needto cool down and think about the rules. 6. At the end of play, count only the total number of group tokens, adding eachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointingout who receivedthe mosttokens, as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 7. Ask childrenif theyhada goodtime. Ask why theyhada goodtime. (Answers:Becausethey made sure other children had a good time, everyonehad an equalopportunityto shoot the ball, and no one was getting injured or intimidatedby rough play.)

Clinical Examplesof Children's Responses to Organizing Their Own Play SpontaneousOrganization of Play Five second-gradeboys decidedto play basketball. The four second-andthird-gradegirls went to a different part of the play deckandorganized a soccergame.

Spontaneous"Slipping In" The children decided on two games: a Four Squarehandballgameanda gameof kickball. The children in Four Squaresaw the kickball game and all decidedthey wantedto play that game instead.The Four Squarechildrenslippedin appropriately(by waiting on the sidelinesandthen askingto join the side with fewer children).

SpontaneousConcern Over Injury When one child fell andwas (mildly) hurt, some of the children stoppedplaying to seeif he was

OK. Theyweregiven tokensfor goodsportsmanship.

Potential Problems Breaking Old Habits 1 A sixth-gradeboy in a basketballgamecharged aggressivelyup to the boy he was guarding,beganflailing his arms,andthenattemptedto steal the ball from the otherboy by wildly slappingat his arms, hands,and the basketball.The group leader gave him a prompt. He immediately stoppedthis behavior.

Breaking Old Habits 2 A fifth-grade boy with ADHD initially rebelled againstthe "no stealing"and"no rough contact" rules to a game of basketball. He loudly announcedto the group "At my school we play Jungle Ball. We don't care if anyonegets hurt. That'sjust the way we play. I'm not going to play Sissy Ball." After reluctantly playing the game with the new set of rules, the boy admittedduring debriefing that he had more fun in the less aggressiveformat.

End-of-SessionReunification 1. As soonas parentsandchildrenare reunited, the child groupleaderbeginsby praisingthe children (as a group) for what they did in this session."Today we worked on being a good sport. I sawa lot of good sportsin this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applausefor their effort." 2. The child leadercontinueswith, "The major job everyonehasthis week is to make a play date. 3. Have each child name his or her play date guestand outsidetoy (team sports) for next time, in front of the parent.

MANAGING COMPETITION/GENDER DIFFERENCES

/

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 10 Cultural DifferencesBetweenBoys andGirls GOAL: To allow parentsto recognizedifferent patternsin boy andgirl friendships.

Beginningby aboutsecondgrade,boys andgirls tendto segregatethemselvesfrom oneanother anddevelopdifferent cultures. 1. Somegirls may crossthis boundaryby being proficient in male interests(e.g., baseball, football). 2. Someboys andgirls may maintainclosecross-sexfriendshipsin privatebut are reluctant to play with eachother in public. 3. Cross-sexfriendships(as well as same-sexfriendships)are more beneficialwhen friends treat eachother as equals. Studieswatchinghow childrenplay suggestthat the following aremostimportantfor parentsto know: Among acquaintances: 1. Girls tend to level statusamongthemselves,whereasboys'groupsare more likely to have

a specificallydesignatedleader. 2. Girls tend to play in smallergroups(usually two or three) than boys. 3. Girls who are proficient in male activities (e.g., baseball)may continueto be acceptedby both sexes.Well-liked boys tend to be acceptedby both sexes. Among closefriends: 1. Somegirls (but not all) form "cliques" with other girls, whereasboys have two levels of

closerfriends, "favoredfew" and "very bestfriends."

2. Girls' friendshipstend to be more exclusive,with new friendshipsreplacing,ratherthan addingto, old ones. 3. Boys' closefriends tend to shareactivity interestsand physicalskills, whereasgirls' close friends tend to shareconversation.

161

162

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training Child Sessions10 and 11 Rulesfor Magic JohnsonBasketball GatherChildren 1. Tell childrenthat tokenswill be given to thosewho praiseothersor give "high-fives," follow any

"rule of beinga good sport" or "rule of beinga goodwinner," or are considerateof othersin any way. Assign Sides 2. The group leaderchoosessidesof approximatelyequalability. Tell GameRules 3. Rules of a regular basketballgame are used, except the primary emphasisis on cooperative teamplay and the following behaviorsearnpromptsand time outs: • Stealingthe ball or attemptsthereof. • Aggressive physical contact(e.g., fouling othersby slappinginsteadof just blocking or excessive, stifling defensethat intimidatesthe other child). • Trying to keepscore. • Excesscelebrationafter a score. • The ball must be passedat leastonceprior to a goal being scored. Startthe Game,Monitor and Control Behavior 4. Childrenwho "ball hog" excessivelylose their opportunityto shootany baskets(they are only allowed to rebound,dribble and passthe ball to others). Core Instruction 5. Tokens are given for any behavior related to the rules of a good sport/winner. Do not give tokensfor anythingelse, suchas, eye contactor sayingother person'sname,as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship.How to give tokens: (a) Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. (b) Receivinga token shouldcauseonly a momentarydisruptionof the child's attentionto the game. (c) Speaktelegraphicallyto statewhy a child earneda specific token, while handingthe child the token. Examples:"for beinggentle just now," "for giving a 'high-five.'" (d) Withhold tokensif children look or ask for one after doing a desiredbehavior(but praise themfor the behavior).Somechildrenwill begin "performing" in front of the coacheswith the sole desire of obtaining the token and losing focus on the other aspectsof the game beingplayed. (e) If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token, give the child a prompt, followed by a time out if the arguingcontinues. Debriefingat the End of Game 6. Count only the total numberof group tokens,addingeachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointing out who received the most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 7. Ask children if they had a good time. Ask why they had a good time. (Answers: Becausethey madesureotherchildrenhada good time, everyonehadan equalopportunityto shootthe ball, and no onewas gettinginjured or intimidatedby rough play.)

MANAGING COMPETITION/GENDER DIFFERENCES

/

Children's Friendship Training Child Sessions10 and11 Rulesfor Soccer GatherChildren 1. Gatherchildren in two groupsfor two concurrentgames(suchas one small gameof soccer and one gameof basketballor handball). Assign Sides 2. Assign two teamsas evenlyas possible,basedon children'sathletic talentsandpick the first goalies(children seldomwant to be goalie becausehe/shestaysin one place). Tell GameRules 3. Do not keep scoreand direct children not to. 4. Children haveto passconstantlybetweenat leasttwo children. 5. The following behaviorsearn prompts and time outs: Ball hogging, trying to keep score, bumping,playing with physicalaggression,kicking a ball directly into anotherchild, diving at the ball recklessly,or excessiveand inappropriatecelebrationafter scoring. Start the Game,Monitor and Control Behavior 6. Encourageeachteam to rotate goaliesregularly and by themselves.If this doesn'thappen spontaneously,do it for them. 7. If one player is left out of scoringgoals,stop the gameand ask the teammembershow they are going to work the child into the next goal. CoreInstruction 8. Tokensare given for any behaviorrelatedto the rules of a goodsport/winner.Do not give tokens for anythingelse, suchas, eye contactor sayingthe other person'sname,as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship.How to give tokens: (a) Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. (b) Receivinga token should causeonly a momentarydisruptionof the child's attentionto the game. (c) Speaktelegraphicallyto statewhy a child earneda specific token, while handingthe child the token. Examples"for beinggentlejust now," "for giving a 'high-five.'" (d) Withhold tokensif childrenlook or askfor oneafter doing a desiredbehavior(but praise them for the behavior). Somechildren will begin "performing" in front of the coaches with the sole desireof obtainingthe token and losing focus on the other aspectsof the gamebeing played. (e) If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token, give the child a prompt, followed by a time out if the arguingcontinues. Debriefingat the End of Game 9. Count only the total numberof group tokens,addingeachchild's tokensto the total. 10. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointing out who receivedthe most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 11. Ask childrenif they hada goodtime. Ask why they hada goodtime (Answers:Becausethey madesureotherchildrenhada goodtime, everyonehadan equalopportunityto shootthe ball, and no one was gettinginjured or intimidatedby rough play.)

163

Avoiding Physical Fights

19.2 Definition and SexDifferencesin Aggression

Treatment Rationale The combinationof peer rejection and aggression is a prognosticred flag for children. This combinationoccursin a substantialminority of children enrolled in social skills programs.The treatmenthypothesisis thatparentsandchildren maybe providedwith moreeffectivewaysto view the situation and how to obtain effective help. The materialin this sessionprovidesparentswith the foundationto intervenewhentheir child gets into physicalfights with peers.It also alertschildrenaboutthe consequences of physicalaggression and strategiesfor avoiding peerswho get into fights.

19.1 Importanceof Avoiding Conflict Aggressivechildren are also quick to respondto provocation. Dodge, McCluskey, and Feldman (1985) reportedthat a child's responseto provocationwasoneof the mostproblematicsituations identified by teachersand clinicians. Bryant (1992) found that fourth- and sixth-gradechildren who were liked by peerswere more likely to use a calm approachto resolve conflicts. In contrast,sociometricallyrejectedandcontroversial childrenwereviewed as usingan aggressive retaliation social goal more than were popular, neglected,andaveragechildren (cf. Chap.13 for a review of social goals). 164

Aggressioncanbe definedbroadly as achieving goalsin a coercivemanner.Methodsof coercion differ betweenthe sexes.Boys usemore physical confrontationwhereasgirls usemoreverbalconfrontation in the form of "relationalaggression" (cf. Chap. 9). Boys' conflicts are typically motivatedby powerassertion,whereasgirls' conflicts involve the "he said/shesaid" dispute,"e.g., 'And Stephensaidthat you saidthat I was showin' off just becauseI had that blouse on'" (Hartup & Laursen, 1993, p. 56). Frankel (1996) distinguishedbetweenfrequentfighters,who arenonselectivein their targetsandgenerallyaggressive (cf. Patterson,1986),versusbullies,who arevery selectivein targetsand not generallyaggressive (cf. Chap. 16; Olweus, 1993). Frequentfighters representa portion of children who victimize others (Coie, Christopoulos,Terry, Dodge, & Lochman,1989). When theseboys' attemptsat dominanceare resisted,they continue to fight until the victim submits. Grotpeterand Crick (1996) found that the prevalenceof physical aggressionin boys was matchedby the prevalenceof relational aggression in girls. The sequelaewere also similar for both types of aggression:peerratingsof dislike, greaterfeelingsof lonelinessanddepression.One differencebetweenthe types of aggressionwas that teacherswere less able to detectrelational

AVOIDING PHYSICAL FIGHTS

aggressionthan physicalaggression(d. French, 1990). Crick (1996) conducteda longer term study (over the courseof a schoolyear) for third throughsixth graders.Crick found that the stability of relationalaggressionover 9 monthsfor girls (r = .78) exceededthat for overt aggression for boys (r = .68) during the sameperiod. Relational aggressionat the beginningof the school year aided prediction of peer rejection for girls but not boys at the end of the year. Follow-up studiesof physically aggressive,rejectedboys havepointedto a poorerlong-termadjustment. However,similar studieshaveyet to be doneon relationally aggressivegirls.

19.3 Comorbidity of Peer Rejection and Aggression Aggressivebehavioris highly predictiveof rejection (Newcombet al., 1993) and may precedeit (Coie & Kupersmidt,1983). Approximately30% to 50% of rejected boys are also aggressive (Cillesson,vanIjzendoorn,Van Lieshout,& Hartup, 1992;Coie et aI., 1989).Rejectedboyswho arealso aggressiveare also lesslikely to havebestfriends (Kupersmidt,DeRosier,& Patterson,1995). Coie et al. (1989) suggestedthat the aggression and peerrejectionare generallyadditive in their adverseeffects on longer term outcome. BiermanandWargo (1995),in a 2-yearfollow-up study of 81 youths, 8 to 20 yearsold found that aggressive-rejected childrenwerefar morelikely to experiencenegativebehavioralandsocialoutcomes than aggressive-nonrejectedor nonaggressive-rejected children were. Wentzel andAsher (1995) reportedthat rejectedchildren who are also aggressiveare at higher risk for schooldrop-outand later criminality.

19.4 DevelopmentalTrajectories of Children With Aggression Aggressionbecomesa prognosticred flag by second or third grade.First graderswho are ranked high on unprovokedaggressionactuallytend to be more popular. This is probably becausefrequency of aggressionis confoundedwith frequencyof interactionandaggressionis morethe norm amongfirst-gradeboys. This changesdramatically by third grade, where aggressionis clearly not the norm.

/

165

Aggressionamongfirst gradersis primarily in responseto provocation(reactiveaggression; d. Chap. 6), whereasaggressionamong third gradersis primarily unprovoked (Coie et al., 1989). According to Schwartzet al. (1997), rejected-aggressive third-gradeboys escalatetheir aggressionif resistedand continueto fight until thevictim submits.Aggressive-nonrejected boys don't tendto persist.Aggressive-rejected boysare twice as likely to form relationshipswith other high-conflict children as nonaggressive-rejected boys, with each boy disliking the other. These authorssummarizedthe developmentalchanges as follows: As boys grow older, they begin to recognize when it makessenseto let some negative exchangespasswithout commentsor overt reaction. Rejectedboys do not seemto keep pace with thesechangingnormsfor aggressivebehavior. They continueto use direct aggressionas a way of gettingwhat theywant. ... While, on the surfaceof things, they may seemto be getting away with this inappropriatebehavior, to the extent that other boys fail to reciprocate,they also pay a seriousprice for this social deviance. Other boys dislike them and increasinglyavoid interactingwith them ... they become limited in their choiceof relationshipsto boys who are much like themselves.(p. 233) Patterson,DeBaryshe,and Ramsey(1989) describedthe results of their long-term followup researchon a cohortof highly aggressiveboys. Early concomitantsof child conduct problems were poor parentaldiscipline and inadequate parentalmonitoring of free time. Someof these childrenwent on to be rejectedby peersand experiencedacademicfailure in middle childhood. In late childhood and adolescencethis evolved into acceptanceby a deviantpeergroup and delinquency. Clearly, moving children out of the rejectedcategoryandpromotingassociationwith friends who don't have antisocial interestscan have a greatimpact on eventualoutcome.

19.5 Researchon Cognitive Bias and Aggression Oneapproachto treatingaggressivebehaviorhas beensuggestedby social cognitivestudies.Early

166

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

studies(d. Dodgeet al., 1986) identified aggressive children as having negativelybiasedsocial perceptionsto ambiguousor accidentalcircumstances.For example,they attribute malevolent intent toward a peerbrushingby and knocking over blocks with which they are building. Studies of fifth graders(Bell-Dolan, 1995), and third through sixth graders(Quiggle, Garber,Panak, & Dodge, 1992) demonstratethat this may not be a factor uniqueto aggressivechildren. Results showedthat anxious children tendedto misinterpretnonhostilesituationsashostilemorethan children who were not anxious. The difference betweenthesetwo populationswas that the aggressivechild was more likely to use an aggressive responseand the anxious child was more likely to withdraw in responseto ambiguousor negativecuesfrom peers(Quiggle et al., 1992). The negativecognitivebiasof aggressiveand anxious children may either causetheir behavior or result from their realistic expectanciesof social responsesto their behavior (e.g., the effects of a negativereputationin the caseof aggressive-rejectedchildren; d. Chap. 11). An important researchquestionis wheatherthe biasesdecreasewith successfulpeer experiences or whethertheyneedto be specificallyaddressed during intervention. This researchis currently in the planningstages.

How to Conduct the Session Until Now Children are continuingto havesupervisedplay dateswith different guests.Parentsandchildren are continuing to evaluatehow different playmatesbehaveand get along with their child on play dates.

In This Session The mostimportantwork of this sessionis to help parentsandchildrenmakesoundchoicesin continuing to build the child's friendship network. Somechildrenwill be readyto acceptinvitations to otherchildren'shousesfor play dates.Parents will be preparedfor this event.The instructional focus (sessionhandout)for parentsturns to how to dealwith their children'saggressive behavior. As reviewed in Chap. 3 and this chapter,only 30% of children with peer problems also have problemswith aggression,so that this handout will only apply to a minority of parents.

Parent Session Plan 11 Initial Gathering

19.6 Implications From Researchand Clinical Practice

1. Check child toys as they come in. Have par1 entshold toys that arein excludedcategories.

Aggressionconsiderablyworsensthe prognosis for the rejectedchild andincreasesthe probability that the child will exclusively associatewith other aggressivechildren. Theseare friends of desperation,becausethe children do not rate thesefriendshipspositively. Parentscan exacerbate this situation in two ways. First, they may encourageassociationwith otheraggressivechildren. Second,they may support their rejected child's misinterpretationof nonhostile acts as hostile. As parentsbeginto seepositive changes in peerrelationsas a result of treatment,it may be helpful to instruct them on how to recognize and avoid this potentialpitfall.

Homework Review 1. There are two homework assignments(not including outside toy) and not enoughtime to review all in depth. Tell parentsthat you want them to focus on (a) the out-of-group call, which led up to (b) the play date. 2. For the out-of-group call: (a) Was the other child interestedor excitedby the call, and (b) did the children havethings to talk about (in a two-way conversation)? Dangerous/aggressive toys-martial arts toys, Super Soakers, water balloons; solitary/parallel play-books,skateboards; too good a toy-expensiveball that will upset the child if lost. 1

AVOIDING PHYSICAL FIGHTS

3. Recountthe fourth play date: (a) Was a parent thereto supervise?(b) Did theparenthave to interveneto enforcethe good host rules? Did the child comply with the rule? Is this gettingbetter?(c) Did the parenttry to get to know the other child's parents?(d) Compare the four play dateswith eachother.Whatwas the child's evaluation? 4. Remindparentsthat play datesare an important stepto havinga bestfriend. Best friends are the child's first exposureto "true love." Good bestfriends like eachother enoughto patch over minor differencesand to be considerateof eachother. They value beingwith each other more than having to play video games.They have little trouble coming up with things they both like to do and are autonomousin this respectduring play dates.

Clinical Examplesof ChangesBrought Aboutby Play-DateHomework Compliance Going OutsideofHis Circle The mother of a third graderreportedthat her son avoidedmeetingnew children and tried to stick with his one good friend. She noted that becauseit was homeworkfor the class,he asked four other boys on play datesthat he wouldn't havewere it not for the class.Her son got along very well with two of the boys and will be playing more with them in the future. The group leadersuggestedthat this might take somepressureoff the preexistingfriendship.Her child will not be aloneif his bestfriend is playingwith other boys at recessthat he doesn'tlike. He now has other friends to hangaroundwith.

Children Don't Have to Be Friends The mother of a third grade girl reportedthat sheusedto makeher daughterget togetherwith anothergirl, eventhoughshedidn't like this girl and they quickly ran out of things to do on play dates.After inviting over three other girls, she andher daughterrealizedthat her daughterhad betterplay dateswith girls that they both liked.

/

167

PotentialProblem The Other Child WasNot a GoodHost Parentsare concernedthat when children have play datesat anotherchild's house,they seethat othersmaynot follow goodhostrules.The group leadersuggestedthe following guidelines:"When in our housewe follow our rules but we can't force other peopleto do the right thing. When you're in somebodyelse'shouseyou still haveto try to be a good guest,even if the other child is not being a good host." The child doesnot have to acceptinvitations to a poor host'shouse.

HomeworkAssignment Most parentswill havearrangedfour or five play dateswith different children. Parentswho still have to interveneto enforcethe rules of a good host should continue having play-datesonly at their house.The remainingparentsmaybe ready to acceptplay date invitations for their child to anotherchild's house.Therefore,this is a good time to review what parentsshoulddo when acceptinginvitations for their child to play at another house(points 3 and 4): 1. Continue to scheduleplay dates.Think of a new child for next week.2 2. Tell parents,"If parentslet their child accept an invitation to anotherchild's housebefore they are ready, they may misbehave.Other parentswill not usuallytell you abouthis, they will just get busy the next time you want to invite their child over to your houseandnever invite you back. (Parentsshould feel free to do this with a guestthat doesn'twork out for their child.)" 3. If at leastthreeplay dateshavegonewell without any remindersto follow a goodhost rule, then parentscan begin acceptinginvitations 2Bestis a new playmateneverplayedwith individually before (can be someonethe child has known for a while but never invited over). Next best is someonethey haven'tinvited over in a long while who used to be friends. Third best is someonethey invite over rarely. Fourth best is another presentgood friend.

168

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

for their child to anotherchild'shouse.When they get the call, parentsshould check with their child (out of range of phone). They should acceptonly if their child wants it. If the child doesn'twant it, the parentshould make up an excusefor not arranginga play date (we're busy, we'll get back to you ... ). Sometimeschildren will changetheir minds abouta playmate,so keep optionsopen. 4. At the time of play date at another child's house:Parentsshould not just drop off and pick up, they should come in and chat with the other parent(especiallyat pick-up time). Out of the cornerof their eye,they canwatch their child playing and get to know the other parenta little bit to seehow comfortablethey are sendingtheir child over. 5. Next weekis graduation.We supplythe pizza and drinks and parentssupply dessertsto makeit morefestive. Parentshouldeitherbuy desserts-alittle for everyone,or make, for example,browniesand cut up in little pieces so that everyonegetsone. (a) Siblingshaveto stay in the parent room; (b) no friends and no picturesbecauseof confidentiality.Session 12 will be 1112 hourslong for graduation.Announceroom and time changes. 6. Why a graduationparty? Finality and sense of accomplishmentfor the children. Cite the "Wizard of Oz" effect, that the three characters did lots of difficult tasks but didn't feel any better about themselvesuntil they each got a token of appreciationat the end.

to the child's versionof the negativereportfrom the teacher.Becausethe handoutisn't concerned with "getting to the bottom of things," parents are usuallysilent whenthey listen to the presentation.

Parent Handout

1. Reviewplay date. Ask who did play-datehomework and pick only childrenwho did. Allow them to tell abouttheir play dateonly if it followed the rules. If not, cut them off and ask who did the homework assignment.Questions to ask eachchild: Name one thing you did. Whatwasyour favorite part?Namesomething that didn't go so well. Did you call first to figure out what to do? What did you decide to do? Did you do what you decidedon the phone?Who got to pick the games?Did your guesthave a good time? Did you have a good time?

The first handoutis essentiallya debriefingscript that parentscan employ when their child gets into troubleat schoolfor aggressivebehavior.The child will invariably give a justification for his or her behavior (he or she was provoked) or a denial (he or shehasbeenwrongly accusedbecause the teacherlikes to pick on him or her). This may apply even when the child attackedwithout provocation,has physically attackedanotherafter a verbalprovocation,or wasfinally caughtby a teacherafter a continuingpatternof attacks. Parentscan give conflicting messagesby unconditionalacceptance of the child's story. The handoutaddresses how parentscanbestrespond

1. Reviewparenthandout,"DecreasingPhysical Fights betweenYour Child and Others" (no group leader guide). Some parents(usually dads)will take issuewith the approachadvocatedin the handoutand will advocatetheir child respondingin an aggressivefashion.The group leader can raise issuessuch as "How do you know your child's accountis accurate?" "What's the messageyou give when you encouragefighting back?" "How might hitting a bully backfire?" 2. Review secondparenthandout,"Graduation PartyHandout" (no group leaderguide). Addressany changesin time andlocation.3 The parentsshould handle any nonmainstream food restrictions.For instance,OrthodoxJewish participantscanprovidetheir own kosher foods. Childrenneedto havea goodtime and not feel excluded(i.e., "My parentsdon't allow me to eatany of the thingson the table"). Therefore,now is not the time for parentsto enforce a sugar ban or to bring in "healthy foods" that noneof the childrenwill eat.

Child Session Plan 11 Homework Eeview

3Parentsare to provide treatsbecausethey can do it better than group leaderscan. It is also a standardsocial role for parentsduring their child's life transitions.

AVOIDING PHYSICAL FIGHTS

2. Ask if anyonewasunjustly accusedby an adult and review with the child how they handled it. Correcterrorsthat theymade,if necessary.

Didactic The purposeof this didactic presentationis to verbalexchangewith setthe tone for subsequent peers and parents.The frame of reference adoptedis that other children (labeledas "bullies" for easeof explanationand acceptanceby the children) are aggressiveand the aggressive acts get them in trouble. Aggressivechildren should be avoided (now that the children have alternativesdue to having play dateswith wellbehavedchildren). Presentthe following without using a Socraticmethod: 1. Ask the children: What is a bully? What is the

problem with being a bully? What happens when they are caught?What happenswhen theyget older?Doesanyoneknow a bully who getsgoodgrades?Somekids aren'tbulliesbut they like to dress and act like they are in a gang. What'swrong with that? 2. Ways to stay out of a fight: Avoid the bully, play somewhereelse, don't talk to them. Get involvedwith otherchildrenwho areplaying-bullies like to pick on kids when they are by themselves. Play near an adult supervisor. Don't do anythingto provokethe bully (teasing, making faces, tattling for silly things, etc.). Don't watch other children fighting or try to breakit up-you may get in trouble.

Homework Assignment 1. Invite a new child over for a play date (no toy for next session).

Note: Announcethat Session12 will be 1 Y2 hours long for graduation, and room and time changes,if applicable. Tell the childrenthat they will fill out some forms (pos/tests)andwhat the programwill provide (the UCLA program provides pizza and drinks) and that their parentswill provide the

/

169

rest.(treatsanddesserts).Theywill watchpart of a video, which the programwill provide. Some children may ask to bring their own choice of movies.The groupleadershoulddiscouragethis, as there may be inappropriatescenes(even in PG-ratedmovies).

Real Play The real play portion of this sessionis identical to that of Session10. The following is a general templatefor gameplay: 1. Allow children to pick their own gamesand spontaneously use"slippingin" techniquesto join in other'sgames(rulesfor Magic Johnson basketballand Soccerare provided again in casethey pick thesegames). (a) Advise the children that gamesthat inor volve a significantrisk of embarrassing injuring a peer will not be helpful in developing new friendships.4 (b) Help them pick gamesin which the childrencontrol the flow of activitieswithout any adult intervention (e.g., basketball, soccer,or volleyball). (c) Avoid waiting gameslike Capturethe Flag and Prisoner, where the children are calledout a coupleat a time, as they offer less opportunityfor giving compliments. 2. Have the childrenvote on the gamethey will play beforeheadingout to the play deck. The childrendon't all haveto play the samegame, although no one is allowed to play by him/ herself.Girls canchoosea differentgamethan boys. 3. The group leader choosessides of approximately equalability. 4. Give out tokensfor good sport/goodwinner behavior. 5. If play startsto get too rough,give "cool down" time to everyone,while explaining to the group that thingswere gettingtoo rough and that they needto cool down andthink about the rules. 4Examplesare "War Ball" (a variation on the game"Dodge Ball" that involves more aggressivethrowing of the ball at membersof the other team) and "Buns Up" (wherepart of the gameinvolvesa penaltywherebychildrenhaveto bend over while their peers are allowed to hurl a ball at their buttocks).

170

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

6. Countonly the total numberof grouptokens, addingeachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisons betweenchildren or pointing out who receivedthe most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 7. Ask childrenif theyhada goodtime. Ask why they hada goodtime (Answers:becausethey made sure other children had a good time, everyonehad an equal opportunityto shoot the ball, and no one was getting injured or intimidatedby rough play).

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Announce,"Todaywe workedon beinga good sport. I sawa lot of goodsportsin this group. Let's all give the children a big round of applause." 2. The child leadercontinueswith, "The major job everyonehasthis week is to make a play date." 3. Go aroundthe room, and one by one make sure parent and child agree on a plan for whom to call for the play date (no toy to be broughtfor next session).

AVOIDING PHYSICAL FIGHTS

/

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 11 DecreasingPhysicalFights BetweenYour Child and Others Long-term studiesshow that children who have difficulty with peersand also get into physical fights havea muchworseoutcome.The evidenceis clearthat physicalfights must be discouraged. 1. Do not supportfighting, evenin self-defense(you neverknow that it was truly self defense).

2. Ask for your child'sview of the incident-saynothingsupportive(unlesshe or shestatesways he or shetried to stay out of the fight). 3. Help your child figure out somethingbetterto do the next time the situationarises."Fighting is nevera goodchoice.Whatwill you do the next time someonetakesyour ball?" Somethings to try next time:

Provocation-Anotherchild . ..

Next time, you shouldfirst try to ...

Is playing with a toy he doesn'tknow is yours.

Tell him that it's yours.

Frequentlytakesawaya ball or toy of yours.

Older children-showno reaction. Youngerchildren-tell an adult.

Teasesyou.

Use the "make fun of the tease"technique.

Hits, pushesyou.

Stayout of arm'sreach. Hangaroundwith other kids. Staynearthe yard monitor.

Intrudeson group game.

Let the other kids handleit.

4. Attempt to securea promisefrom your child to try this next time. 5. Providean immediate,brief consequence for fighting eachtime it occurs. • Selecta consequence you can enforce. • The consequence shouldbe brief (groundingfor a coupleof hourson the day of the fight is betterthan groundingfor longer periods). • The consequence shouldnot be fun: no games,TV, pleasantconversation,teamsport,scout meeting,and so on. • Statethe preciseconsequence beforebeginningit, for example,''I'm glad we cameup with somethingbetterfor you to try next time. But for now, I will haveto groundyou until 6:00 p.m. No TV or gamesuntil then." 6. After the consequence is over, do not discussit further-"wipe the slateclean." 7. If this is not effective-seekprofessionalhelp. The most effective approachfor this is parenttraining, in which you work one-on-oneor in a group with a counselor,usually over no more than 6 to 12 sessions,designingand trying different approaches.

171

172

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training GraduationPartyAssignment-Givenon Session11 Due on Session12 Time: Place:

The party will begin Ij2 hour beforeour regularstart time.

We supply: Decorations,pizza, and drinks. Parentssupply: Dessertsto make it more festive. Parentscan either purchaseor make treats for the children. Parentsare encouragedto bring "fun" desserts(suchas cupcakesand donuts)that their children will perceiveas a treat (and a rewardfor their hard work), ratherthan healthy(but generallyless desirous)selections(suchas celerysticks, fruit salad,diet cookies,fruit "roll ups," etc.). Otherguidelines: 1. Siblings may be brought but must stay in the parents'room until the graduationcer-

emony. 2. Due to concernsaboutconfidentiality, no friends are allowed to attendand no photography is allowed.

AVOIDING PHYSICAL FIGHTS

I

173

Children's Friendship Training Child Sessions10 and 11 Rulesfor Magic JohnsonBasketball

GatherChildren 1. Tell childrenthat tokenswill be given to thosewho praiseothersor give "high-fives," follow any "rule of beinga good sport" or "rule of beinga goodwinner," or are considerateof othersin any way. Assign Sides 2. The group leaderchoosessidesof approximatelyequalability. Tell GameRules 3. Rules of a regular basketballgameare used,exceptthe primary emphasisis on cooperativeteam play and the following behaviorsearnpromptsandtime outs: • Stealingthe ball or attemptsat it. • Aggressivephysical contact (e.g., fouling others by slappinginsteadof just blocking or excessive, stifling defensethat intimidatesthe other child). • Trying to keep score. • Excesscelebrationafter a score. • The ball must be passedat leastonceprior to a goal beingscored. Startthe Game,Monitor and Control Behavior 4. Childrenwho "ball hog" excessivelylose their opportunityto shootany baskets(they are only allowedto rebound,dribble and passthe ball to others). CoreInstruction 5. Tokensare given for any behaviorrelatedto the rules of a good sport/winner.Do not give tokens for anythingelse, suchas, eye contactor sayingother person'sname,as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship.How to give tokens: (a) Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. (b) Receivinga token shouldcauseonly a momentarydisruptionof the child's attentionto the game. (c) Speaktelegraphicallyto statewhy a child earneda specifictoken,while handingthe child the token. Examples:"for being gentlejust now," "for giving a 'high-five'." (d) Withhold tokensif children look or ask for one after doing a desiredbehavior(but praisethem for the behavior).Somechildren will begin "performing" in front of the coacheswith the sole desireof obtainingthe token and losing focus on the other aspectsof the gamebeing played. (e) If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token,give the child a prompt,followed by a time out if the arguingcontinues. Debriefingat the End of Game 6. Count only the total numberof group tokens,addingeachchild's tokensto the total. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointing out who receivedthe most tokens, as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 7. Ask children if they had a good time. Ask why they had a good time (Answers:Becausethey madesure other children had a good time, everyonehad an equal opportunityto shoot the ball, and no one was gettinginjured or intimidatedby rough play).

174

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training Child Sessions10 and11 Rulesfor Soccer GatherChildren 1. Gatherchildrenin two groupsfor two concurrentgames(suchasonesmall gameof soccerandonegame of basketballor handball). Assign Sides 2. Assign two teamsas evenly as possible,basedon children'sathletic talents,and pick the first goalies (children seldomwant to be goalie becausehe or she staysin one place). Tell GameRules 3. Do not keep scoreand direct children not to. 4. Childrenhave to passconstantlybetweenat leasttwo children. 5. The following behaviorsearnpromptsand time outs: ball hogging,trying to keepscore,bumping,playing with physical aggression,kicking a ball directly into anotherchild, diving at the ball recklessly,or excessiveand inappropriatecelebrationafter scoring. Startthe Game,Monitor and Control Behavior 6. Encourageeachteam to rotate goalies regularly and by themselves.If this doesn'thappenspontaneously, do it for them. 7. If one player is left out of scoringgoals,stop the gameand ask the teammembershow they aregoing to work the child into the next goal. CoreInstruction 8. Tokensare given for any behaviorrelatedto the rules of a good sport/winner.Do not give tokensfor anythingelse, suchas, eye contactor sayingother person'sname,as this will dilute the focus on good sportsmanship.How to give tokens: (a) Move in and out of play amongthe children, much as a basketballrefereedoes. (b) Receivinga token shouldcauseonly a momentarydisruptionof the child's attentionto the game. (c) Speaktelegraphicallyto statewhy a child earneda specific token,while handingthe child the token. Examples:"for beinggentlejust now," "for giving a 'high-five. (d) Withhold tokensif children look or ask for one after doing a desiredbehavior(but praisethem for the behavior).Somechildrenwill begin "performing" in front of the coacheswith the sole desireof obtainingthe token and losing focus on the other aspectsof the gamebeingplayed. 1II

(e) If a child argueswith you over not beinggiven a token,give the child a prompt,followed by a time out if the arguingcontinues. Debriefingat the End of Game 9. Count only the total number of group tokens, adding each child's tokens to the total. Have all the children count along. Avoid comparisonsbetweenchildren or pointing out who receivedthe most tokens,as this will foster a counterproductiveform of competition. 10. Ask childrenif they hada goodtime. Ask why they hada goodtime. (Answers:becausethey madesure other children had a good time, everyonehad an equal opportunityto shootthe ball, and no one was gettinginjured or intimidatedby rough play.)

I

Graduation

Treatment Rationale A formal graduationceremonyis an essential featureof time-limited group treatment.The instructionor treatmentphaseis over andthe "lifeapplication phase" begins. The treatment hypothesisis that urging parentsto continuethe types of play supervisioninitiated during tr~at­ ment,havinga final ceremony,andencouragIng parentsto checkbackfor outcomefeedbackwill facilitate maintenanceof treatmentgains. Many parentsfeel that children needto be in adult-structuredactivities (Scoutsand teams) in orderto continueto promotetheir friendships. This alone isn't effective for the friendlesschild becausehe or sheis likely to repeatthe patterns of behaviorsthat impair relationshipswith peers. Parentsneedto be awarethat the patternsthey setup duringtreatmentneedto continuein order for their children to progressand that continuing supervisedplay datesarethe mostimportant activity to continuetheir child's progress.

20.1 Advantagesand Disadvantagesof Adult-Structured Activities We defineadult-structuredactivitiesasformalized activities in which the adults determinemost of the play choicesfor children.Examplesarekarate classes,Little Leaguebaseball,Cub Scouts,and AYSO soccer.Ladd and Price (1987) found that 175

83% of parentsof kindergartnersinvolve their children in adult-structuredactivities. Parke & Bhavnagri(1989) reportedthat 78% of mothers reportvolunteeringto help out at leastoccasionally in one suchactivity. They report an increasein participationin theseactivitieswith the ageof the child, peakingamongpreadolescent children. Ladd and Price (1987) and Bryant (1985) reported that involvement in adult-structured activities is not significantly relatedto social adjustment.Bryant (1989)found that socialperspective takingwas negativelylinked to involvement in organizationssuchasScoutsandteamsamong children of unemployedmothersbut positively linked among children of mothers who were employedfull time. Belka (1994) hadthe following criticisms of gamesthat are organizedand led by adults: 1. They are elitist-theyfavor highly skilled children. In an elimination game, the children who needto play the mostareeliminatedfirst. 2. Therehasbeenno evidenceforthcomingthat gamesburn up excessenergyso that children learn betterin academicsubjects. 3. Many gamesemphasizestanding,not participation and learning. Somegamesforce children to wait up to 90% of the time on the sidelines. 4. In a typical game,children don't receiveany direct instructionon the physicalelementsof the game.

176

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

In contrastto the negativeaspectsof adultstructuredactivities, Dishion, Andrews, and Crosby (1995) found that 73% of bestfriends in their study originally met children in school or someother structuredactivity (71% lived within threeblocks of eachother).They found that best friends who meetthroughschoolandorganized activities are less at risk for problematicbehavior than children who meet eachother through unsupervisedsettings.Therefore,the most important social contributions from adult-structured activities occur immediately before and after the meetings(meetingnew acquaintances andarrangingplay dates).Parentsmustnot only maintainthe adult-structuredactivities (because most of them dependon parentvolunteers)and associatedcommunitynetworks,but mustensure that their children use them as a springboardto more intimate friendships (Parke & Bhavnagri, 1989). Adult-structuredactivities have other indirect benefits.Hartup (1996) presentedevidence that friends are most similar to eachother in areas of high reputational salience. Areas high in reputationalsalienceare moreimportantin establishing a child'sreputationamongthe peergroup. One such area amongboys is physical activity (Challman,1932). In otherwords, boyswho like physical activities tend to be friends with other boys who feel the sameaboutphysicalactivities (and similarly for boys who dislike physical activities). Athletically inclined boys would more easilymeeteachother through adult-structured sports,whereasboys who disdain sportsmight find eachother throughScoutsor classes.

spontaneously,without adult supervisionof any kind. He contendedthat adult interestin organizing gamesfor children has resultedin a decline of this subculture.Children are spending more time on fewer sports,abandoningthe variety that former generationshad. He cited an interview study of Little Leaguersreporting that 84%of them saidthey spenthalf to most of their leisure time on baseball."Through their participation in a wide variety of different gametypes, in which the various elementsof skill, chance, and strategyare variously recombinedin gradually increasingcomplexity, children find an opportunity to experimentwith different success styles and gain experiencein a variety of cognitive and emotionalprocesseswhich cannotyet be learnedin full-scale cultural participation" (Devereux, 1976, p. 41). The variety of games children used to know made it more likely for lesscoordinatedchildrento find their "niche" in group activities. In organizingand playing gameswith each other, children have to deal with the fact that somerules are necessaryand they must formulate fair rules so the gamesare fun for everyone (cf., Hart, 1993). Children also

20.2 Importance of Children Organizing Their Own Games

Ceremoniesbefore the play begins (e.g., choosingsides,establishingrules,settingboundaries) are essentialfeatures of children's organized games.For instancein handball,children will spendwhat seemsto adultsendlesstime on disallowingdifferent shotsthat they havenames for: no Americans(ball hits wall beforeground), no waterfalls(ball hits at a high angleandglances off the wall), no babies(ball makesa very small bounceright next to the wall), no poppies(ball hits wall andthe groundat the sametime). After about ten minutesof this, they will finally start the game.

According to Devereux (1976), the adult-structured sportsactivity "is threateningto wipe out the spontaneousculture of free play and games among American children, and it is therefore robbingour childrennot just of their childish fun but also of someof their most valuablelearning experiences"(p. 38). Devereuxreviewedobservationalstudiesin Englandand Israel that documentedthousands of gamesand their variantsthat children played

learn how to get a game startedand somehow keep it going, as long as the fun lasts. How to paceit. When to quit for a while to get a round of cookiesor just sit undera tree for a bit. How to recognizethe subtle boundariesindicating that the gameis really over-not an easything, since there are no innings, no winners or losers-andslide over to some other activity. (Devereux,1976, pp. 48-49)

GRADUATION

/

20.3 Implications for Clinical Practice

Parent Session Plan 12

Clearly, someof the mostimportantbenefitsderived from after-schoolsportsare gainedbefore andafter the adult-structuredportion takesplace. Children and parentsmeet each other and arrangeto get togetherfor play dates.Aside from that, adults can offer structuredpractice to develop children'sathletic skills. Organizedsports areto be encouraged for thesecomponents.However,thereareclearlimits to the benefitsof adultstructuredactivities. Such activities should not playa dominantrole in a child's life, such that there is no time left for self-generatedplay activities andplay dates,which contributeto more intimate friendships.This is a messagethat parents needto hear in order to resist the temptation to commit their child'stime to theseactivities to the exclusionof play datesand spontaneous activities organizedby their children.

Additional Materials for This Session

How to Conduct the Session Until Now

Children have learnednew ways of enteringa group, sustainingplay with positive affect, being a goodhost, andresistingteasing.They have learnedhow to gatheruseful information about their playmatesto betterorganizeplay.

177

1. Diplomas should be printed on fancy paper with each child's name and signed by the group leaders. 2. Partydecorations,plates,andcupsshouldbe in hand. 3. A separatetable should be set up in the children'sroom on which to place the food and drinks. 4. A VCR andmonitorwith a supplyof screened, age-appropriate tapesshouldbe setup in the children'sroom. The childrenwill vote for the videotapethat they would most like to see.

Initial Gathering 1. Prior to arrival, Pizza should be orderedto arrive at the startof the session.Decoratethe child sessionroom in a festive mannerconsistentwith graduation(i.e., "Happy Graduation" garlands,colored streamers,party plates and disposabletablecloths).An extra table shouldbe set up for food and drinks. 2. Have parentsand children assembleoutside both roomsuntil the sessionstart time. 3. Have parentsdrop children and treatsoff in the child sessionroom on the way to the parents' room. Parentsmay also elect to bring food for the parentsession.

In This Session Parentsupport and follow-through with homework assignmentswere most importantin generalizationduring the interventionand will be mostimportantin maintenance.Importantevaluative feedbackhas comefrom parentsreporting on homeworkassignments.How children were performingin sessionwas of secondaryimportanceandoftenis not indicative of skills demonstratedat home and in the schoolyard.Parents mustberemindedof the importanceof whatthey havedonewith their children. In orderfor gains to continue,parentsandchildrenmustcontinue to work togetherusing the methodsset up during treatment.

Homework Review 1. Therearetwo homeworkassignments andnot

enoughtime to review all in depth. Tell parents that you want them to focus on (a) the out-of-groupcall, which led up to (b) the play date. 2. Recountthe fifth play date: Was the parent there to supervise?Did the parent have to interveneto enforcethe goodhostrules?Did the child comply with the rule?Is this getting better? Did parentstry to get to know the other child's parents? 3. Ask if there were any play datesat another child's house:Did parentscheckif their child

178

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

wantedthe play datebeforearrangingit? Did parentsstop by to chat with the host's parents? 4. Emphasizethat parentsare to continuehaving and monitoring play dates. This class helpedthem to start doing this with the goal of continuingthe progressindefinitely. 5. Many childrenarenow readyfor (a) play dates considerablylongerthan1112 hours(if a shorter play datewent well with the new child), and (b) repeatedplay dateswith the samechild. 6. For developingbest friends, children should concentrateon two to four other children, seeingthem eachat least two or three times eachmonth.

PosttreatmentAssessmentand Debriefing Becausethe sessionplanwill presenttypical outcomes from this program and suggestionsfor maintenanceof treatmentgains, any outcome measuresfilled out by parentsshould be completedbeforethe handoutis given. It is also beneficial to have parents reauthorize their permission to call the child's teacher for posttestingat this point. 1. Have parentsfill out posttreatmentassessment forms and consentsfor teacherposttreatmentcalls (optional).1 2. Tell parentsthe typical results of comparing pre-versusposttesting:(a) 90% of parentsreport some improvementon the SSRS (play dates going better and on the road to best friends); (b) only 20% of children report low self-esteemat first, and of these,80% report higher self-esteemon posttest; (c) 70% of teachersreport improvementat school (peer reputationand acceptanceby classmates). 3. Two points about these results: First, they dependon parentsand children coming to a minimum of nine sessionsandattemptingto do homeworkassignments.Second,there is no guaranteethat any child will improve. 4. Reasonsfor posttreatmentassessment forms: (a) a commitmentto keepingthings constant so as to assureconsistentlysuccessfuloutcomes/(b) giving parentsfeedbackon their child, and (c) assessingany changesmadein

the program,to ensurethat the changeshave improvedthe program.

ParentHandout 1. Review parenthandout,"Where to Go From Here" (no Group leaderguide).

PotentialProblems Do We Have to Keep Up ThesePlay Dates for the Restof Our Child's Life? The answeris a resounding"yes," at leastthrough middle school. Play datesare not only a way of initiating friendshipsbut also a way of maintaining andstrengtheningmoreintimacywith peers. Continuing the family practice of play datesin the homewill also allow parentsto bettermonitor childrenwhen they reachadolescence.

WhatAboutFamily Time? Family time is important,but it is equallyimportant that childrendevelopgoodpeerrelationships andbestfriendships.Many families like to spend part of a weekendtogether.It is also important to reserveplay-datetime andto arrangethe play datesby mid-week.

"Fix My Child" and Tell Me AboutIt Later Someparentsstill seemto expectthat groupleaders will "do their thing" and then tell parents aboutit after the fact. After the last session,they want to know what the groupleaderhaslearned abouttheir child in sessions.Theythink that this feedbackwill be valuable,althoughusuallyfeedback like this has little effect on child or parent Postteachercalls are collectedon the basisof positivecontinuing consent.If parentsdon't give a signed releaseto get the teachercall on this session,then no call is made, even if parentsconsentedbefore treatmentstarted. 2The results of assessment of eachgroup of 10 children should be inspectedto seethat at least 90% of parentreports improve andat least50% of teacherreportsimprove. (Children with ADHD not prescribedstimulantsand children with an autism spectrumdisorderprescribedmedication are not expectedto do as well on teacherreport.)

1

GRADUATION

behavior.No feedbacklike this is given (only that the important feedbackcame from the parents reportingon homeworkat the beginningof each session).

End-of-SessionReunification 1. Child and parentscome togetherto have a graduationceremony.

Child Session Plan 12 Posttesting Expect the children will come in excited and "revved up." We give them the self-esteemform to fill out first (usually taking about10 minutes) and then start the party. 1. Coachesmonitor that the childrenareconscientiouslyandindependentlyfilling out forms, quietly answeringany questionsthe children have. 2. Remind the children who finish early to remain quiet until all children complete the forms. Praisechildren for doing this, saying things like, "I like how quiet you are," or "You're beingvery considerateof the children who are still working." 3. The consequencefor misbehavioris to miss part of the party (in I-minute incrementsof time out outsideof the room). Give prompts as usual, but not a time out until the actual party.

Party Have a supply of videotapeson hand to show. You canprovidethe groupwith threechoicesand havethemvote. Goodtapesshouldbe entertain-

I

179

ing (after all, they are supposedto have fun at a party),without inappropriatemessages, violence, or adult themes.Group leadersshould personally screenthembeforeshowingthem. Prosocial messages are unfortunatelyrare in moviesthese days. The moviesmay be silly. Somemoviesto consider(we endorsenone): Fourthgradersandbelow: Beethoven(1992), Richie Rich (1994), Free Willy (1993), Bad News Bears(1976),Honey,I Shrunkthe Kids (1989),Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Short Circuit (1986). Fourthgradersandabove:Backto the Future (1985), Clueless (1995), Angels in the Outfield (1994). Children usually don't mind if the movie doesn'tfinish before the graduationceremony begins.If a child protests,the child can rent the movie at the local video store. 1. Play the movie, allowing about15 minutesat the endof the sessionfor the graduationceremony. Children go to the table to get treats as they want.

End-of-SessionReunification (Graduation) 1. Bring the parents(and siblings) in from their room. Siblings may be allowed to havetreats from the child sessionroom at this time. 2. The ceremonyshouldonly take about5 minutes (otherwise the children will be quite bored) and should be moderatelycorny. Begin the graduationceremony,instructingthe childrenasto how to receivetheir"diplomas." 3. Coachesandgroupleadersapplaudafter each child is given a diploma. Parentsalways join in. 4. After the last child is awardedhis or her diploma, the group leadershouldgive parents a round of applausefor their part in the process.

180

/

CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIP TRAINING

Children's Friendship Training ParentHandout-Session 12 Whereto Go From Here GOAL: To maintain and expandupon any gains realizedfrom the group. Making and keeping friends is somethingyour child needsto do himself or herself,but you shouldsupporthis or her efforts. 1. The most important contributionyou can make to your child's social developmentis to encourageinformal, one-on-oneplay dateswith two or three different children (more than this is not better). (a) You should continue to make and monitor weekly play dateswith your child in the manneryou have donefor the homeworkassignments. (b) You andyour child must selectthesechildrentogether.They shouldbe convenientfor your child to meetwith, while also being easyfor you to managein your home. (c) Avoid schedulingplay dateswith childrenwith whom your child doesnot get along. (d) Always find things to praiseaboutyour child's behaviorafter the play dateis over. (e) Schedulethe length of the play date to help success.Always schedulefor a shorter periodthanyou feel your child will be able to handle.Always schedulea short (e.g.,1hour) first play date. (f) Try to get to know the parentsof childrenwith whom your child plays well. Be sureto

talk to themwhenthey pick up their child. You may be ableto makeregulardatesafter severalsuccessfulplay dateswith one child. 2. Your child neednot be friends with the most popularchildren: (a) "Popular" doesnot necessarilymeanthey are "nice." (b) Settingsightstoo high is askingfor rejection. (c) Very often lesspopularchildren are more easilyapproached,havegreateravailability for play datesmakingfor easierscheduling,and they often makebetterfriends. 3. Activities that arestructuredby adults(Scouts,sports,classes)haveimportantbenefitsfor children,when: (a) They emphasizegood sportsmanshipratherthan winning or losing. (b) They help children developathletic skills or exposethem to new experiences. (c) They allow children to make new friends through informal periods (before and after eachactivity). (d) They are not so demandingof a child's time that he or shehasno time for closefriendships. 5. Continue to provide consequences every time your child gets into a physical fight. The frequencyof physicalfights shouldget lower. If it doesnot, andit continuesto be a problem, seekprofessionalhelp. Our programcoordinatoris availableto makereferrals.Contact personphonenumber:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

References

Achenbach,T. M. (1991}.lntegrativeguidefor the CBCL/ 4-18, YSR,and TRF profiles. Burlington: University of Vermont Departmentof Psychiatry. Afifi, A, & Clark V. (1984). Computeraided multivariate analysis.Toronto: Lifetime Learning. Aho, S. (1998). The teaserand the teasedpupils at school.Scandanavian Journal ofEducationalResearch, 42, 309-318. Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973). Social penetration:The developmentof interpersonalrelationships.New York: Holt, Rinehart& Winston. Asher, S. R. (1983). Social competenceand peerstatus: Recentadvancesand future directions. Child Development,54, 1427-1434. Asher,S. R. (1990). Recentadvancesin the studyofpeer rejection. In S. R. Asher & J. D. Coie (Eds.), Peer rejectionin childhood(pp. 3-14). Cambridge:Cambridge University Press. Asher,K. A, & Hymel S. (1981). Children'ssocial com-

petencein peer relations: Sociometricand behavioral assessment. In J. D. Wine & M. D. Smye (Eds.), So-

cial competence(pp. 125-157).New York: Guilford. Asher, S. R., Markell, R. A, & Hymel, S. (1981). Identifying childrenat risk in peerrelations:A critique of the rate-of-interactionapproachto assessment. Child Development,52, 1239-1245. Asher,S. R., Singleton,L. c., Tinsley, B. R., & Hymel, S. (1979). A reliable sociometricmeasurefor preschoolchildren.DevelopmentalPsychology,15,443444. Asher,S. R., & Wheeler,V. A. (1985). Children'sloneliness:A comparisonof rejectedandneglectedpeer status.Journal of Consulting & Clinical Psychology, 53,500-505.

181

Atkins, M. S., & Stoff, D. M. (1993). Instrumentaland hostile aggressionin childhood disruptive behavior disorders.Journal ofAbnormalChild Psychology, 21,165-178. Austin, A M. B., & Draper,D. C. (1984). Verbal interactionsof popularandrejectedchildrenwith their friends andnonfriends.Child StudyJournal, 15,309323. Azmitia, M., & Montgomery, R. (1993). Friendship, transactivedialogues,and the developmentof scientific reasoning.Social Development,2, 202-22l. Bagwell, C. L., Newcomb,A F., & Bukowski, W. M. (1998). Preadolescent friendshipandpeerrejection as predictors of adult adjustment.Child Development, 69, 140-153. Barkley, R. A (1990).Attention-deficithyperactivitydisorder. New York: Guilford Press. Barkley, R. A (1991). ADHD clinic parent interview. Unpublishedassessmentoutline. University of Massachusetts, Schoolof Medicine, Worcester. Barth, R. (1979). Home-basedreinforcementof social behavior:A review & analysis.Reviewof Educational Research,49, 436-458. Bauminger,N., & Kasari, C. (2000). Lonelinessand friendshipin high-functioningchildrenwith autism. Child Development,71,447-456. Bearison,D. J., & Gass,S. T. {1979}. Hypotheticaland practicalreasoning:Children'spersuasiveappeals in different social contexts.Child Development,50, 901-903. Beelman,A., Pfingsten,u., & Losel, F. (1994). Effects of training social competencein children: A metaanalysisof recentevaluationstudies.Journal ofClinical Child Psychology,23, 260-271.

182

I

REFERENCES

Belka, D. E. (1994). Teachingchildren games.Oxford, OH: HumanKinetics. Bell-Dolan, D. J. (1995). Social cue interpretationof anxious children. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 24, 2-10. Bell-Dolan, D. J., Foster, S. L., & Christopher,J. S. (1992). Children's reactionsto participating in a peer relationsstudy: An exampleof cost-effective assessment. Child StudyJournal, 22, 137-156. Bell-Dolan, D. J., Foster, S. L., & Christopher,J. S. (1995). Girls' peerrelationsandinternalizingproblems: Are socially neglected,rejected, and withdrawngirls at risk? Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 24, 463-473. Bell-Dolan, D. J., Foster,S. L., & Sikora,D. M. (1989). Effects of sociometrictestingon children'sbehavior andlonelinessat school.DevelopmentalPsychology, 25, 306-311. Benenson,J. F. (1990). Genderdifferencesin social networks.Journal of Early Adolescence,10,472-495. Benenson,J., Apostoleris, N., & Parnass,J. (1998). The organizationof children'ssame-sexpeerrelationships. In W. M. Bukowski & A. H. Cillessen (Eds.), Sociometrythen and now: Building on six decadesofmeasuringchildren'sexperienceswith the peer group (pp. 5-23). SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass. Berndt, T. J., & Hoyle, S. G. (1985). Stability and changein childhood and adolescentfriendship. DevelopmentalPsychology,21, 1007-1015. Berndt, T. J., & Keefe, K (1995). Friends' influence on adolescents'adjustmentin school. Child Development,66, 1312-1329. Bierderman,J., Munir, K, & Knee, D. (1987). Conduct andoppositionaldisorderin clinically referred children with attention deficit disorder: A controlled family study.Journal of the Academyof Child and AdolescentPsychiatry,26, 724-727. Bierman,K L. (1986a).Processof changeduring soandits relacial skills trainingwith preadolescents tion to treatmentoutcome.Child Development,57, 230-240. Bierman,K L. (1986b).The relationshipbetweensocial aggressionand peerrejectionin middle childhood. In R. Prinz (Ed.), Advancesin behavioral assessment ofchildren andfamilies (vol. 2, pp. 151-178). Greenwich,CT: JAI Press. Bierman, K L. (1989). Improving the peer relationships of rejectedchildren. In B.B. Lahey & A.E. Kazdin (Eds.), Advancesin clinical child psychology (vol. 12, pp. 53-85). New York: PlenumPress. Bierman,K L., & Furman,W. (1984). The effects of social skills training and peer involvement in the socialadjustmentof preadolescents. Child Development,55, 151-162.

Bierman,K L., & Smoot,D. L. (1991).Linking family characteristicswith poor peerrelations:The mediating role of conductproblems.Journal ofAbnormal Child Psychology,19,341-356. Bierman,K L., Smoot, D. L., & Aumiller, K (1993). Characteristicsof aggressive-rejected, aggressive (non-rejected)and rejected(non-aggressive)boys. Child Development,64, 139-151. Bierman,K L., & Wargo, J. B. (1995). Predictingthe longitudinal courseassociatedwith aggressive-rejected, aggressive(nonrejected),and rejected (nonaggressive) status.Development& Psychopathology, 7, 669-682. Bishop, J. A., & Inderbitzen,H. M. (1995). Peeracceptanceand friendship: An investigationof their relation to self-esteem.Journal of Early Adolescence, 15,476-489. Black, B., & Hazen, N. L. (1990). Social statusand patternsof communicationin acquaintedand unacquaintedpreschoolchildren. DevelopmentalPsychology,26, 379-387. Borja-Alvarez,T., Zarbatany,L., & Pepper,S. (1991). Contributionsof maleandfemaleguestsandhosts to peer group entry. Child Development,62, 10791090. Boulton, M. J. (1999). Concurrentand longitudinal relationsbetweenchildren'splaygroundbehavior and social preference,victimization, andbullying. Child Development,70,944-954. Boulton, M. J., & Smith, P. K (1994). Bully/victim problemsin middle-schoolchildren: Stability, selfperceivedcompetence,peerperceptionsand peer acceptance.British Journal ofDevelopmentalPsychology, 12, 315-329. Boulton, M. J., & Underwood,K (1992). Bully/victim problems among middle school children. British Journal of EducationalPsychology,62, 73-87. Brochin, H. A., & Wasik, B. H. (1992). Socialproblem solving among popular and unpopularchildren. Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,20, 377-391. Brown, G. S., Bhrolchain,M. N., & Harris, T. (1975). Social class and psychiatric disturbanceamong women in an urbanpopulation.Sociology,9, 223254. Bryant, B. K (1985).The neighborhoodwalk: Sources of supportin middle childhood.Monographsof the Societyfor Researchin Child Development,50 (3, serial no. 210). Bryant, B. K (1989). The needfor supportin relation to the need for autonomy. In D. Belle (Ed.), Children's social networks and social supports (pp. 332-351).New York: Wiley. Bryant, B. K (1992). Conflict resolutionstrategiesin relation to children'speer relations.Journal of Applied DevelopmentalPsychology,13,35-50.

REFERENCES

Bryant, B. K, & DeMorris, K A. (1992). Beyondparent-childrelationships:Potentiallinks betweenfamily environmentsandpeerrelations.In R. D. Parke & G. W. Ladd (Eds.), Family-peer relationships: Modesof linkages (pp. 159-189). Hillsdale, NJ: LawrenceErlbaumAssociates. Budd, K S. (1985). Parentsas mediatorsin the social skills training of children. In L. L'Abate & M. A. Milan (Eds.), Handbook of social skills training and research(pp. 245-262).New York: Wiley. Buhrmester,D. (1990). Intimacy of friendship, interpersonalcompetence,andadjustmentduring preadolescenceand adolescence.Child Development, 61,1101-111l. Buhrmester,D., & Furman,W. (1987). The development of companionshipandintimacy. Child Development,58, 1101-1113. Buhrmester,D., Camparo,L., Christensen,A., & Gonzalez,L. S. (1992). Mothers and fathersinteracting in dyadsand triads with normaland hyperactivesons.DevelopmentalPsychology,28, 500-509. Bukowski, W. M., Gauze,c., Hoza, B., & Newcomb, A. F. (1993). Differencesand consistencybetween same-sexand other-sexpeer relationshipsduring early adolescence.DevelopmentalPsychology,29, 255-263. Bukowski, W. M., & Hoza, B. (1989). Popularityand friendships. Issuesin theory, measurementand outcome.In T. J. Berndt & G. W. Ladd (Eds.), Peer relationshipsin child development(pp. 15-45). New York: Wiley. Bukowski, W. M., & Newcomb,A. F. (1985). Variability in peergroupperceptions:Supportfor the controversial" sociometricclassificationgroup. DevelopmentalPsychology,21, 1032-1038. Bukowski, W. M., Pizzamiglio, M. T., Newcomb,A. F., & Hoza, B. (1996). Popularityas an affordance for friendship: The link betweengroup anddyadic experience.Social Development,5, 189-202. Burleson, B. R. (1985). Communicationskills and childhood peer relationships:An overview. In M. McLaughlin (Ed.), Communicationyearbook(Vol. 9, pp. 143-180)London: Sage. Cairns,R. B., Perrin,J. E., & Cairns,B. D. (1985).Social cognitionin earlyadolescence:Affiliative patterns. Journal of Early Adolescence,5, 339-355. Carlson,C. L., Lahey, B. B., Frame,C. L., Walker, J., & Hynd, G. W. (1987). Sociometricstatusof clinically referredchildrenwith attentiondeficit disorderswith and without hyperactivity.Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology,15,537-547. Carter, D. B., & McCloskey, L. A. (1984). Peersand the maintenanceof sex-typedbehavior:The developmentof children'sconceptionsof cross-gender behaviorin their peers.Social Cognition,2, 294-314. /I

/

183

Cash,T. F. (1995). Developmentalteasingaboutphysical appearance:Retrospectivedescriptionsand relationshipswith body image.Social Behavior& Personality,23, 123-129. Chambless,D. L. (1996). In defenseof dissemination of empirircally supportedpsychologicalinterventions. Clinical Psychology:Scienceand Practice, 3, 230-235. Challman,R. (1932). Factorsinfluencingfriendships among preschoolchildren. Child Development,3, 146-158. Chennault,M. (1967).Improvingthe socialacceptance of unpopulareducablementallyretardedpupils in specialclasses.AmericanJournal ofMental Deficiency, 72, 455-458. Cillesson,A. H., van Ijzendoorn,H. W., Van Lieshout, C. F., & Hartup,W. W. (1992).Heterogeneityamong peer rejectedboys: Subtypesand stabilities. Child Development,63, 893-905. CochranM., & Davila V. (1992). Societalinfluences on children'speerrelations.In R. D. Parke& G. W. Ladd (Eds.),Family-peerrelationships:Modesoflinkages(pp. 191-212).Hillsdale, NJ: LawrenceErlbaum Associates. Coie,J. D., Christopoulos,c., Terry, R., Dodge,K A., & Lochman,J. E. (1989). Types of aggressiverelationships,peerrejection, and developmentalconsequences.In B. H. Schneider,G. Attili, J. Nadel, & R. P. Weissberg(Eds.), Social competencein developmentalperspective(pp. 223-237).Boston:Kluwer Academic. Coie, J. D., & Dodge, K A. (1983). Continuitiesand changesin children'ssocial status:A five year longitudinal study. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 29, 261282. Coie, J. D., Dodge,K A., & Copoletti, H. (1982). Dimensionsand types of social status: A cross-age perspective.DevelopmentalPsychology,18,557--570. Coie, J. D., Dodge,K A., & Kupersmidt,J. B. (1990). Peergroupbehaviorandsocialstatus.In S. R. Asher & J. D. Coie (Eds.), Peer rejection in childhood (pp. 17-59). New York: CambridgeUniversity Press. Coie, J. D., & Kupersmidt,J. B. (1983). A behavioral analysis of emergingsocial status. Child Development,54, 1400-1416. Conoley,J. c., & Conoley, C. W. (1983). A comparison of techniquesto effect sociometricstatus: A small steptoward primary preventionin the classroom?Journal of SchoolPsychology,21, 41-47. Corsaro, W. A. (1981). Friendship in the nursery school: Socialorganizationin a peerenvironment. In S. R. Asher & J. M. Gottman(Eds.), The development of children's friendships (pp. 207-241). New York: CambridgeUniversity Press. Cousins,L. S., & Weiss, G. (1993). Parenttraining

184

/

REFERENCES

and social skills training for children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: How can they be combinedfor greater effectiveness?Canadian Journal of Psychiatry,38, 449-457. Cowen,E. L., Pederson,A, Babigan,H., Izzo, L. D., & Trost, M. A (1973). Long-termfollow-up of early detectedvulnerablechildren. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology,41, 438-446. Crick, N. R. (1995).Relationalaggression:The role of intent attributions,feelingsof distress,and provocation type. Developmentand Psychopathology,7, 313-322. Crick, N. R. (1996).The role of overt aggression,relational aggression,and pro-social behavior in the prediction of children's future social adjustment. Child Development,67,2217-2327. Crick, N. R., & Grotpeter,J. K (1995). Relationalaggression,gender,and social-psychologicaladjustment. Child Development,66, 710-722. Crick, N. R, & Grotpeter,J. K (1996). Children'streatment by peers:Victims of relational and overt aggression.Developmentand Psychopathology,8, 367380. Crick, N. R., & Ladd, G. W. (1990). Children'sperceptionsof the outcomesof social strategies:Do the endsjustify beingmean?DevelopmentalPsychology, 26, 612-620. Damon, W. (1977). The social world of the child. San Francisco:Jossey-Bass. Daniels-Beirness,T. (1989). Measuringpeerstatusin boys and girls: A Problemof applesand oranges? In B. H. Schneider,G. Attili, J. Nadel, & R. P. Weissberg(Eds.), Social competencein developmental perspective(pp. 107-120).Boston: Kluwer. Devereux,E. C. (1976). BackyardversusLittle League baseball:The impoverishmentof children'sgames. In D. M. Landers(Ed.), Social problemsin athletics (pp. 37-56). Chicago:University of Illinois Press. Dishion, T. J. (1990).The family ecologyof boys'peer relationsin middle childhood. Child Development, 61,874-892. Dishion, T. J., Andrews, D. w., & Crosby, L. (1995). Anti-social boys and their friends in early adolescents:Relationshipcharacteristics,quality, and interactionalprocess.Child Development,66, 139-151. Dishion, T. J., Capaldi,D., Spracklen,K M., & Li, F. (1995). Peerecologyof male adolescentdrug use. Development& Psychopathology,7,803-824. Dishion,T. J., French,D. c., & Patterson,G. R. (1995). The developmentand ecologyof antisocialbehavior. In, D. Cicchetti & D. J. Cohen(Eds.), Developmentalpsychopathology(vol. 2, pp. 421-471). New York: Wiley. Dodge, K A (1983). Behavioralantecedentsof peer

socialrejectionandisolation.Child Development,54, 1386-1399. Dodge, K A (1985). Attributional biasesin aggressive children. In P. D. Kendall (Ed.), Advancesin cognitive-behavioralresearchand therapy (vol. 4, pp. 73-110).Orlando,FL: AcademicPress. Dodge, K A, & Coie, J. D. (1987). Social information-processingfactors in reactive and proactive aggressionin children'speergroups.Journal ofPersonality and Social Psychology,53, 1146-1158. Dodge,K A, Coie, J. D., & Brakke, N. P. (1983). Behavioralpatternsof socially rejectedand neglected preadolescents:The roles of social approachand aggression.Journal ofAbnormalChild Psychology,10, 389-410. Dodge, K A, Coie, J. D., Pettit, G. S., & Price, J. M. (1990). Peerstatusandaggressionin boys' groups: Developmentaland contextualanalysis.Child Development,61, 1289-1309. Dodge,K A, McClaskey,C. L., & Feldman,E. (1985). Situational approachto the assessmentof social competencein children. Journal of Consultingand Clinical Psychology,53, 344-353. Dodge,K A, Pettit, G. S., McClaskey,C. L., & Brown, M. M. (1986). Socialcompetencein children.Monographs of the Societyfor Researchin Child Development,51, (2, serial no. 213). Dodge, K. A., Schlundt, D. c., Schocken,I., & Delugach, J. D. (1983). Social competenceand children'ssociometricstatus:The role of peergroup entry strategies.Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 29, 309336. Doyle, A, Connolly, J. K, & Rivest, L. (1980). The effect of playmatefamiliarity on the social interactions of youngchildren.Child Development,51, 217223. Doyle, A B., Markiewicz, D., & Hardy, C. (1994). Mothers' and children's friendships: Intergenerational associations.Journal of Social and Interpersonal Relationships,11, 363-377. Eder, G., & Hallinan, M. T. (1978). Sexdifferencesin children'sfriendships.AmericanSociologicalReview, 43,237-250. Ehlers, S., Gillberg, c., & Wing, L. (1999). A screening questionnairefor Aspergersyndromeandother high-functioning autism spectrumdisordersin schoolage children. Journal of Autismand DevelopmentalDisorders,29, 129-14l. Eifert, G. H., Schulte,D., Zvolensky,M. J., Lejuez, C. W., & Lau, A. W. (1997). Manualizedbehavior therapy: Merits and challenges.Behavior Therapy, 28,499-509. Epstein,J. L. (1983). Selectionof friends in differently organizedschoolsand classrooms.In J. L. Epstein

REFERENCES / & N. L. Karweit (Eds.), Friends in school (pp. 7392). SanDiego: AcademicPress. Erdley, C. A, & Asher, S. R. (1996). Children'ssocial goalsandself-efficacyperceptionsasinfluenceson their responsesto ambiguousprovocation. Child Development,67, 1329-1344. Erwin, P. (1993). Friendshipsand peerrelations in children. New York: Wiley. Erwin P. G. (1994). Effectivenessof socialskills training with children: A meta-analyticstudy. Counseling PsychologyQuarterly, 7,305-310. Evers-Pasquale, W. (1978). The peer preferencetest as a measureof rewardvalue: Item analysis,crossvalidation, concurrentvalidation, and replication. Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,6, 175-188. Feldman,E., & Dodge, K. A (1987). Social information processingand sociometricstatus: Sex, age, and situational effects. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology,15,211-227. Finnie, v., & Russell,A (1988). Preschoolchildren's socialstatusandtheir mothers'behaviorandknowledgein the supervisoryrole. DevelopmentalPsychology, 24, 789-801. Fonzi, A, Schneider,B. H., Tani, F., & Tomada,G. (1997).Predictingchildren'sfriendshipstatusfrom their dyadic interactionin structuredsituationsof potentialconflict. Child Development,68, 496-506. Foster,S. (1983),Critical elementsin the development of children'ssocialskills. In R. Ellis & D. Whitington (Eds.),Newdirectionsin social skills training (pp. 229265). New York: Methuen. Frankel, F. (1996). Goodfriends are hard to find: Help your child find, make,and keepfriends. Los Angeles: Perspective. Frankel, F. (2002a). Sourcesof friendshipsfor mothers of children with and without peerproblems.In preparation. Frankel,F. (2002b).Measuringthe quality of play dates. In preparation children'sfriendFrankel,F. (in press).Parent-assisted ship training. In T. Hibbs (Ed.), Psychosocialtreatmentsfor child and adolescentdisorders: Empirically basedapproaches(2nd ed.).Washington,DC: AmericanPsychologicalAssociation. Frankel,F., Cantwell, D. P., & Myatt R. (1996). Helping ostracizedchildren: Social skills training and parentsupportfor socially rejectedchildren. In E. D. Hibbs & P. S. Jensen(Eds.), Psychosocialtreatmentsfor child and adolescentdisorders: Empirically basedapproaches(pp. 591-617). Washington,DC: AmericanPsychologicalAssociation. Frankel,F., & Erhardt,D. (2001). Social skills training formedicatedADHDChildren. Washington:National Institute of Mental Healthgrant R01 MH92628.

185

Frankel,F., & Feinberg,D. T. (2002). Socialproblems associatedwith ADHD vs. ODD in children referredfor friendshipproblems.Child Psychiatryand Human Development,in press. Frankel,F., & Myatt, R. (2002).Parent-assisted friendship training for children with autism spectrum disorders:Effectsof psychotropicmedication.Submitted for publication. Frankel,F., Myatt R., & Cantwell, D. P. (1995). Training outpatientboys to conformwith the socialecology of popularpeers:Effectson parentandteacher ratings.Journal of Clinical Child Psychology,24, 300310. Frankel,F., Myatt, R., Cantwell,D. P., & Feinberg,D. T. (1997a). Use of child behavior checklist and DSM-IJI-R diagnosisin predicting outcome of children'ssocial skills training. Journal of Behavior Therapyand ExperimentalPsychiatry,28, 149-16l. Frankel,F., Myatt, R, Cantwell, D. P., & Feinberg,D. T. (1997b). Parent-assisted children's social skills training: Effects on children with and without attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of the Academyof Child & AdolescentPsychiatry,36, 1056-1064. Frankel, F., & Simmons,J. Q. (1992). Parentbehavioral training: Why and when some parentsdrop out. Journal ofClinical Child Psychology,21, 322-330. Frederick,B. P., & Olmi, D. J. (1994). Children with attention-deficit/hyperactivitydisorder:A reviewof the literature on social skills deficits. School PsychologyReview,31, 288-296. French,D. C. (1988). Heterogeneityof peer-rejected boys:Aggressiveandnon aggressivesubtypes.Child Development,59, 976-985. French,D. C. (1990). Heterogeneityof peer-rejected girls. Child Development,61, 2028-203l. Furman, W. (1985). What's the point? Issuesin the selectionof treatmentobjectives.In B. H. Schneider, K. H. Rubin, & J. E. Ledingham(Eds.), Children's peer relations: Issuesin assessment and intervention (pp. 41-54). New York: Springer-Verlag. in middle childFurman,W. (1987).Acquaintanceship hood. DevelopmentalPsychology,23, 563-570. Furman, w., Rahe, D. F., & Hartup, W. W. (1979). Rehabilitationof sociallywithdrawnpreschoolchildrenthroughmixed-ageandsame-agesocialization. Child Development,50, 915-922. Garvey, C. (1984). Children's talk. Cambridge,MA: HarvardUniversity Press. Gelb, R., & Jacobson,J. L. (1988). Popular and unpopularchildren'sinteractionsduring cooperative and competitive peer group activities. Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,16, 247-26l. George,T. P., & Hartmann,D. P. (1996). Friendship

186

/

REFERENCES

networksof unpopular,average,and popularchildren. Child Development,67,2301-2316. Getz, J. A, Goldman,J. A, & Corsini, D. A (1984). Interpersonalproblem-solvingin preschoolchildren: A comparisonof assessment proceduresusing two-dimensionalversus three-dimensional stimuli. Journal ofAppliedDevelopmentalPsychology, 5,293-304. Glow, R. A, & Glow, P. H. (1980). Peerand self-rating: Children'sperceptionof behaviorrelevant to hyperkineticimpulsedisorder.Journal ofAbnormal Child Psychology,8, 397-404. Goodwin, S. E., & Mahoney,M. J. (1975). Modification of aggressionthrough modeling: An experimentalprobe.Journal of BehaviorTherapy& ExperimentalPsychiatry,6,200-202. Gottman,J. M. (1977). Toward a definition of social isolation in children. Child Development,48, 513517. Gottman,J. M. (1983). How childrenbecomefriends.

Monographsof the Societyfor Researchin Child Development,48 (serial no. 201). Gottman,J. M. (1986). The world of coordinatedplay: Same-and cross-sexfriendship in young children. In J. M. Gottman& J. G. Parker (Eds.), Conversa-

tions offriends: Speculationson affectivedevelopment (pp. 139-191). New York: CambridgeUniversity Press. Gottman,J. M., Gonso,J., & Rasmussen,B. (1975). Social interaction, social competenceand friendship in children. Child Development,46, 709-718. Gottman,J. M., & Parkhurst,J. T. (1980). A developmentaltheory of friendship andacquaintanceship processes.In W. A Collins (Ed.), Developmentof cognition, affect and social relationships (Minnesota Symposiumon Child Psychology,vol. 13, pp. 197253). Hillsdale, NJ: LawrenceErlbaumAssociates. Grenell, M. M., Glass, C. R., & Katz, K. S. (1987). Hyperactivechildrenandpeerinteraction:Knowledge and performanceof social skills. Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,15,1-13. Gresham,F. M. (1982). Social interactionsas predictors of children'slikability andfriendshippatterns: A multiple regressionanalysis.Journal of Behavioral Assessment, 4, 39-54. Gresham,F. M., & Elliott, S. N. (1990). Social skills rating system:Manual. Circle Pines,MN: American GuidanceService. Gresham,F. M., & Nagle, R. J. (1980). Social skills training with children: Responsiveness to modeling andcoachingas a function of peerorientation. Journal ofConsultingand Clinical Psychology,48, 718729. Gresham,F. M., Noell, G. H., & Elliott, S. N. (1996). Teachersas judgesof social competence:A condi-

tional probabilityanalysis.SchoolPsychologyReview, 25,108-117. Gresham,F. M., & Stuart, D. (1992). Stability of sociometric assessment:Implications for usesas selection andoutcomemeasuresin socialskills training. Journal of SchoolPsychology,30, 223-231. Grotpeter,J. K., & Crick, N. R. (1996). Relationalaggression,overt aggression,and friendship. Child Development,67, 2328-2338. Hallinan, M. T. (1980). Patternson cliquing among youth. In H. C. Foot, A J. Chapman& J. R. Smith (Eds.),Friendshipand social relations in children (pp. 321-343).New York: Wiley. Harrist, A w., Zaia, A F., Bates,J. E., Dodge,K. A, & Pettit, G. S. (1997). Subtypesof socialwithdrawal in early childhood: Sociometricstatusand socialcognitive differencesacrossfour years. Child Development,68, 278-294. Hart, C. H. (1993). Children on playgrounds.Albany: StateUniversity of New York Press. Harter, S. (1982).The perceivedcompetencescalefor children. Child Development,53, 87-97. Hartup, W. W. (1983). Peer relations. In E. M. Hetherington (Ed.), P. H. Mussen (Series Ed.),

Handbookof child psychology:Socialization,personality and social development(vol. 4, pp. 103-196).New York: Wiley. Hartup, W. W. (1993). Adolescentsand their friends. In B. Laursen(Ed.), Closefriendship in adolescence: New directionsfor child development(pp. 3-22). San Francisco:Jossey-Bass. Hartup,W. W. (1996).The companytheykeep:Friendships and their developmentalsignificance. Child Development,67, 1-13. Hartup, W. W., Glazer, J. A, & Charlesworth,R. (1967). Peerreinforcementandsociometricstatus. Child Development,38, 1017-1024. Hartup, W. W., & Laursen, B. (1993). Conflict and contextin peerrelations.In C. H. Hart (Ed.), Children on Playgrounds(pp. 44-84). Albany, NY: State University of New York Press. Hepler,J. B., & Rose,S. F. (1988).Evaluationof a multicomponentgroup approachfor improving social skills of elementaryschool children. Journal of Social ServiceResearch,11, 1-18. Hibbs, E. D., Clarke, G., Hechtman,L., Abikoff, H., Greenhill, L., & Jensen,P. (1997). Manualdevelopmentfor the treatmentof child andadolescentdisorders.Psychopharmacology Bulletin, 33, 619-629. Hinshaw, S. P., & Melnick, S. M. (1995). Peer relationshipsin boyswith attentiondeficit hyperactivity disorderwith andwithout comorbidaggression. DevelopmentalPsychopathology,7,627-647. Hodges,E. V. E., Boivin, M., Vitaro, F., & Bukowski, W. M. (1999). The power of friendship: Protection

REFERENCES

againstan escalatingcycle of peer victimization. DevelopmentalPsychology,35, 94-10l. Hodges,E. V. E., Malone,M. J., & Perry,D. G. (1997). Individual risk and social risk as interactingdeterminantsof victimization in the peergroup. DevelopmentalPsychology,33, 1032-1039. Hodges,E. V. E., & Perry, D. G. (1999). Personaland interpersonalantecedents andconsequences of victimization by peers.Journal of Personality& Social Psychology,76,677-685. Homel, R., Burns,A, & Goodnow,J. (1987). Parental social networksand child development.Journal of Social and PersonalRelationships,4, 159-177. Howes, C. (1988). Same-and cross-sexfriends: Implications for interaction and social skills. Early ChildhoodResearchQuarterly, 3(1), 21-37. Howes, C. (1990). Social statusand friendship from kindergartento third grade.Journal of Applied DevelopmentalPsychology,11,321-330. Hughes,H. M. (1984). Measuresof self-conceptand self-esteemfor children age 3-12 years: A review and recommendations. Clinical PsychologyReview, 4,657-692. Hupp, S. D. A., & Reitman, D. (1999). Improving sports skills and sportsmanshipin children diagnosedwith attention-deficit/hyperactivitydisorder. Child & Family BehaviorTherapy,21, 35-5l. Hymel, S. (1986). Interpretationsof peer behavior: Affective bias in childhoodand adolescence.Child Development,57, 431-445. Hymel, S., Rubin, K. H., Rowden, L., & LeMare, L. (1990). Children'speerrelationships:Longitudinal predictionof internalizingandexternalizingproblems from middle to late childhood. Child Development,61, 2004-202l. Jensen,P. S., Martin, D., & Cantwell, D. P. (1997). Comorbidity in ADHD: Implicationsfor research, practiceandDSM-V. Journal of theAcademyofChild & AdolescentPsychiatry,36, 1065-1079. Jeske,P. J. (1985). Piers-HarrisChildren's Self-Concept Scale.In J.v. Mitchell, Jr. (Ed.), Ninth Mental yearbook(Vol. 1, pp. 1169-1170).Linmeasurements coln: University of Nebraska,Buros Institute of Mental Measurement. Johnston,c., Pelham,W. E., & Murphy, H. A (1985). Peerrelationshipsin ADHD and normal children: A developmentalanalysisof peer and teacherratings. Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,13, 89100. Johnstone,B., Frame, C. L., & Bouman, D. (1992). Physicalattractivenessand athletic and academic ability in controversial-aggressive and rejected-aggressivechildren. Journal of Social & Clinical Psychology,11, 71-79. KavaleK. A, Mathur S. R., FornessS. R., Rutherford,

/

187

R. B., & Quinn, M. M. (1996). Effectivenessof social skills trainingfor studentswith behaviordisorders: A meta-analysis.In T. Scruggs & M. Mastropieri (Eds.), Advancesin learning and behavioral disabilities (vol. 11, pp. 1-26). Greenwich,CT: JAI Press. Kazdin, A E., Esveldt-Dawson,K., French,N. H., & Unis, A. S. (1987). Problem-solvingskills training and relationshiptherapyin the treatmentof antisocial child behavior.Journal of Consulting& Clinical Psychology,55, 76-85. Kehle, T. J., Clark, E., Jenson,W. R., & Wampold, B. E. (1986). Effectivenessof self-observationwith behavior disorderedelementaryschool children. SchoolPsychologyReview,15, 289-295. Keltner, D., Young, R. c., Heerey,E. A, Oemig,c., & Monarch,N. D. (1998).Teasingin hierarchicaland intimate relations. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology,75, 1231-1247. Kennedy,J. (1992). Relationshipof maternalbeliefs and child-rearingstrategiesto social competence in preschoolchildren. Child StudyJournal, 22, 3955. Kim, O. H. (1999). Languagecharacteristicsand social skills of children with attentiondeficit hyperactivity disorder.DissertationAbstractsInternational SectionA: Humanities&Social Sciences,60(5-A),1513. Kochenderfer,B. J., & Ladd, G. W. (1997).Victimized children'sresponsesto peers'aggression:Behaviors associatedwith reducedversuscontinuedvictimization. Development& Psychopathology,9, 5973. Kovacs,D. M., Parker,J. G., & Hoffman, L. W. (1996). Behavioral, affective, and social correlatesof involvement in cross-sexfriendship in elementary school. Child Development,67,2269-2286. Kupersmidt,J. B., DeRosier,M. E., & Patterson,C. J. (1995). Similarity as the basisfor children'sfriendships: The roles of sociometricstatus,aggressive and withdrawn behavior.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,12, 439-452. Kupersmidt,J. B., Griesler,DeRosier,M. E., Patterson, C. J., & Davis, P. W. (1995). Childhoodaggression and peer relations in the context of family and neighborhoodfactors. Child Development,66, 360375. Ladd, G. W. (1981). Effectivenessof a social learning methodfor enhancingchildren'ssocialinteraction and peer acceptance.Child Development,52, 171178. Ladd, G. W. (1983). Socialnetworksof popular,average and rejectedchildren in school.Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 29, 283-307. Ladd, G. W. (1992). Themesand theories: Perspectives on processesin family-peer relationships.In

188

/

REFERENCES

R. D. Parke& G. W. Ladd (Eds.), Family-peerrelationships:Modesoflinkages(pp. 3-34). Hillsdale, NJ: LawrenceErlbaumAssociates. Ladd G. A., & AsherS. R. (1985), Socialskill training and children's peer relations. In. L. L'Abate & M. A. Milan (Eds.),Handbookofsocial skills training and research(pp. 219-244).New York: Wiley. Ladd, G. w., & Emerson,E. S. (1984). Sharedknowledgein children'sfriendships.DevelopmentalPsy-

chology,20, 932-940.

Ladd, G. w., & GoIter, B. S. (1988). Parents'management of preschoolerspeerrelations:Is it relatedto children's social competence?DevelopmentalPsychology,24,109-117. Ladd, G. w., & Hart, C. H. (1992). Creatinginformal play opportunities:Are parents'and preschoolers' initiations related to children's competencewith peers?DevelopmentalPsychology,28, 1179-1187. Ladd, G. w., Hart, C. H., Wadsworth,E. M., & Golter, B. S. (1988). Preschoolerspeer networks in nonschoolsettings:Relationshipsto family characteristics and school adjustment.In S. Salzinger,J. Antobus, & M. Hammer (Eds.), Social network of children, adolescents,and collegestudents(pp. 61-92). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. Ladd, G. w., LeSieur,K., & Profilet, S. (1993). Direct parentalinfluenceson young children'speerrelations. In S. W. Duck (Ed.), Understandingrelationship processes2: Learningaboutrelationships(pp. 152183). London: Sage. Ladd, G. w., & Mize, J. (1983). A cognitive-social learning model of social skill training. Psychological Bulletin, 90, 127-157. Ladd, G. W., & Price, J. M. (1987). Predicting children'ssocial and school adjustmentfollowing the transitionfrom preschoolto kindergarten.Child Development,58, 1168-1189. Ladd, G. W., & Price,J. M. (1993). Playstylesof peeracceptedand peer-rejectedchildren on the playground.In C. H. Hart (Ed.), Children on playgrounds (pp. 130-161).Albany: StateUniversityof New York Press. Ladd, G. w., Profilet, S. M., & Hart, C. H. (1992). Parents'managementof children'speerrelations: Facilitatingand supervisingchildren'sactivities in the peerculture.In R. D. Parke& G. W. Ladd (Eds.), Family-peer relationships: Modes of linkages (pp. 215-253).Hillsdale, NJ: LawrenceErlbaum. La Greca,A. M. (1981). Peeracceptance:The correspondencebetweenchildren's sociometricscores and teachers'ratings of peer interactions.Journal ofAbnormalChild Psychology,9, 167-178. La Greca,A. M. (1993). Socialskills trainingwith children: Wheredo we go from here?Journal of Clinical Child Psychology,22, 288-298.

Landau, S., & Milich, R. (1988). Social communication patternsof attention-deficit-disordered boys. Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,16, 69-81. Landau,S., & Moore, L. (1991). Socialskill deficits in children with attention-deficithyperactivitydisorder. SchoolPsychologyReview,20, 235-25l. Langlois, J. H., & Downs, A. C. (1979). Peerrelations as a function of physical attractiveness.Child De-

velopment,50, 409-418. Ledingham,J. E., & Younger,A. (1985).The influence of the evaluatoron assessments of children'ssocial skills. In B. H. Schneider,K. H. Rubin, & J. E. Ledingham(Eds.),Children'speerrelations: Issuesin assessment andintervention(pp. 111-121).New York: Springer-Verlag. Ledingham,J. E., Younger, A., Schwartzman,A., & Bergeron, G. (1982). Agreementamong teacher, peerandself-ratingsof children'saggression,withdrawalandlikability. Journal ofAbnormalChild Psy-

chology,10,363-372. Lilly, M. S. (1971). Improving socialacceptanceoflow sociometricstatus,low achievingstudents.Exceptional Children, 37, 341-347. Lochman,J. E., Wayland,K. K., & White, K. J. (1993). Socialgoals:Relationshipto adolescentadjustment and to social problem solving. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology,21, 135-151. Lochman,J. E., & Wells, K. C. (1996). A social-cognitive interventionwith aggressivechildren: Prevention effectsand contextualimplementationissues. In D. P. Ray & R. J. McMahon (Eds.), Preventing

childhooddisorders,substanceabuse,and delinquency (pp. 111-143).ThousandOaks, CA: Sage. Lustig, J. L., Wolchik, S. A., & Braver, S. L. (1992). Social support in chumshipsand adjustmentin childrenof divorce. AmericanJournal of Community

Psychology,20, 393-399. Maccoby,E. E. (1986). Socialgroupingsin childhood: Their relationshipto prosocialandantisocialbehavior in boys and girls. In D. Olweus,J. Block, & M. Radke-Yarrow(Eds.), Developmentof antisocial and prosocial behavior: Research,theoriesand issues(pp. 263-284).New York: AcademicPress. Maccoby, E. E., & Jacklin, c. N. (1987). Gendersegregation in childhood. In H. W. Reese(Ed.), Advancesin child developmentand behavior (pp. 239288). New York: AcademicPress. MacDonald, C. D., & Cohen, R. (1995). Children's awarenessof which peers like them and which peersdislike them. Social Development,4, 182-193. Malik, N. M., & Furman,W. (1993). PractitionerReview: Problemsin children'speer relations: What can the clinician do? Journal of Child Psychology& Psychiatry,34, 1303-1326. Markell, R. A., & Asher, S. R. (1984). Children'sin-

REFERENCES

teractionsin dyads: Interpersonalinfluence and sociometric status. Child Development,55, 14121424. Marriage,K. J., Gordon,v., & Brand, L. (1995). A social skills groupfor boyswith Asperger's syndrome. Australianand New ZealandJournal ofPsychiatry,29, 58-62. Matthys, W., Cuperus,J. M., & Van Engeland,H. (1999). Deficient social problem-solvingin boys with ODD/CD, with ADHD, and with both disorders. Journal of the Academyof Child & Adolescent Psychiatry,38, 311-321. McFall, R. (1982). A review and reformulationof the conceptof socialskills. BehavioralAssessment, 4, 133. McGuire, K. D., & Weisz, J. R. (1982). Social cognition and behavior correlatesof preadolescent chumship.Child Development,53,1478-1484. Melnick, S. M., & Hinshaw, S. P. (1996). What they want and what they get: The social goals of boys with ADHD and comparisonboys. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology,24, 169-185. Mesibov, G. B. (1984). Social skills training with verbal autistic adolescentsand adults: A program model. Journal of Autism and DevelopmentalDisorders, 14, 395-404. Michelson, L., Foster,S. L., & Ritchey, W. L. (1977). of children. In B. Lahey & Social skills assessment A Kazdin (Eds.), Advancesin clinical child psychology (vol. 4, pp. 119-165).New York: Plenum. Middleton, M. B., & Cartledge,G. (1995).The effects of socialskills instructionandparentalinvolvement on the aggressivebehaviorsof African American males.BehaviorModification, 19, 192-210. Milich, R., & Dodge,K. A (1984). Social information processingin child psychiatricpopulations.Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,12,471-490. Milich, R., & Landau,S. (1982).Socializationandpeer relationsin hyperactivechildren. In K. D. Gadow & 1. Bialer (Eds.), Advancesin learning and behavioral disabilities: A researchannual (vol. 1, pp. 283339). Greenwich,CT: JAI Press. Miller, P. M., & Ingham,J. G. (1976). Friends,confidants,andsymptoms.Social Psychiatry,11,51-58. Mize, J., Pettit, G. S., & Brown, E. G. (1995). Mothers' supervisionof their children'speerplay: Relations with beliefs, perceptions,andknowledge.DevelopmentalPsychology,31, 311-321. Nangle, D. w., Erdley, C. A, & Gold, J. A. (1996). A reflection of the popularity construct:The importance of who likes or dislikes a child. Behavior Therapy,27, 337-352. Nelson, J., & Aboud, F. E. (1985). The resolutionof socialconflict betweenfriends. Child Development, 56,1009-1017.

/

189

Nelson, J. R., & Roberts,M. L. (2000). Ongoing reciprocal teacher-studentinteractionsinvolving disruptive behaviorsin generaleducationclassrooms.Journal of Emotional& BehavioralDisorders, 8,27-37. Newcomb,A F., & Bukowski, W. M. (1984). A longitudinal studyof the utility of social preferenceand social impact sociometric classification schemes. Child Development,55, 1434-1447. Newcomb,A F., Bukowski,W. M., & Pattee,L. (1993). Children's peer relations: A meta-analyticreview of popular, rejected,neglected,controversial,and averagesociometric status. PsychologicalBulletin, 113,99-128. Newson,J., & Newson, E. (1976). Sevenyears old in the homeenvironment.New York: JohnWiley & Sons. aden,S. (1986). Developingsocial skills instruction for peer interaction and relationships.In G. Cartledge& J. F. Milburn (Eds.),Teachingsocial skills to children: Innovativeapproaches(2nd ed., pp. 187218). New York: PergamonPress. aden,S., & Asher, S. R. (1977). Coachingchildrenin social skills for friendship making. Child Development,48, 495-506. Olweus,D. (1993).Bullies on the playground:The role of victimization. In C. H. Hart (Ed.), Children on playgrounds(pp. 45-128).Albany: StateUniversity of New York Press. Ozonoff, S., & Miller, J. N. (1995).Teachingtheoryof mind: A new approachto social skills training for individuals with autism.Journal of Autism and DevelopmentalDisorders,25, 415-433. Parke, R. D., & Bhavnagri, N. P. (1989). Parentsas managersof children'speerfriendships.In D. Belle (Ed.), Children's social networksand social supports (pp. 241-259).New York: Wiley. Parke, R. D., MacDonald, A B., & Bhavnagri, N. (1988). The role of the family in the development of peer relationships.In R. D. Peters & R. J. McMahon (Eds.), Social learning and systemsapproachesto marriageand thefamily (pp. 17-44).New York: Brunner/Mazel. Parke,R. D., O'Neil, R., Spitzer, S., Isley, S., Welsh, M., Wang,S., Lee, J., Strand,c., & Cupp,R. (1997). A longitudinal assessment of sociometricstability and the behavioralcorrelatesof children's social acceptance.Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 43, 635-662. Parker,J. G., & Asher, S. R. (1993). Friendshipand friendshipquality in middle childhood:Links with peer group acceptanceand feelings of loneliness andsocialdissatisfaction.DevelopmentalPsychology, 29,611-621. Parker,J. G., & Seal, J. (1996). Forming, losing, renewing, and replacingfriendships:Applying temporal parametersto the assessmentof children's

190

/

REFERENCES

friendship experiences.Child Development,67, 2248-2268. Parkhurst,J. T., & Hopmeyer,A (1998). Sociometric popularityandpeer-perceived popularity: Two distinct dimensionsof peer status.Journal of Early Adolescence,18, 125-144. Patterson,C. J., Kupersmidt,J. B., & Greisler, P. C. (1990). Children's perceptionsof self and of relationshipswith othersas a function of sociometric status.Child Development,61, 1335-1349. Patterson,G. R. (1986).Performancemodelsfor antisocial boys. AmericanPsychologist,41, 432-444. Patterson,G. R., DeBaryshe,B. D., & Ramsey, E. (1989). A developmentalperspectiveon antisocial behavior.AmericanPsychologist,44, 329-335. Patterson,G. R., Dishion, T., & Banks,L. (1984).Family interaction:A processmodel of deviancytraining. AggressiveBehavior, 10,253-267. Peevers,B. H., & Secord,P. F. (1973). Developmental changesin attributions of descriptiveconceptsto persons.Journal ofPersonalityand SocialPsychology, 27,120-128. Pekarik, E., Prinz, R., Liebert, D., Weintraub,S.,& Neil, J. (1976). The Pupil EvaluationInventory: A sociometrictechniquefor assessingchildren'ssocial behavior.Journal ofAbnormalChild Psychology, 4,83-97. Pelham,W. E., & Bender,M. E. (1982). Peerrelationshipsin hyperactivechildren: Descriptionandtreatment. Advancesin Learning and BehavioralDisabilities, 1,365-436. Pelham, W. E., Sturges,J., Hoza, J., Schmidt, c., Bijlsma, J. J., Milich, R., & Moorer, S. (1987). Sustained releaseand standardmethylphenidateeffects on cognitive and social behaviorin children with attentiondeficit disorder.Pediatrics, 80, 49150l. Perry, D. G., Kusel, S. J., & Perry, L. C. (1988). Victims of aggression.DevelopmentalPsychology,24, 807-814. Perry, D. G., Perry, L. c., & Rasmussen,P. (1986). Cognitive social learningmediatorsof aggression. Child Development,57, 700-71l. Perry, D. G., Williard, J. c., & Perry,L. C. (1990). Peer perceptionsof the consequences that victimized childrenprovideaggressors.Child Development,61, 1310-1325. Pettit, G. 5., Bates,J. E., Dodge, K. A, & Meece,D. W. (1999). The impact of after-schoolpeercontact on early adolescentexternalizingproblemsis moderatedby parentalmonitoring,perceivedneighborhood safety, and prior adjustment.Child Develop-

ment, 70,768-778.

Pfiffner, L. J., & McBurnett, K. (1997). Social skills training with parentgeneralization:Treatmentef-

fects for children with attention deficit disorder.

Journal of Consulting& Clinical Psychology,65, 749757. Phillips, C. A, Rolls,S.,Rouse,A, & Griffiths, M. D. (1995).Homevideo gameplayingin schoolchildren: A study of incidenceand patternsof play. Journal of Adolescence,18,687-691. Piers,E. V. (1984). Piers-Harris Children's Self-Concept Scale-Rrevisedmanual. Los Angeles: WesternPsychologicalServices. Pope,A w., Bierman,K. L., & Mumma,G. H. (1989). Relationsbetweenhyperactiveand aggressivebehavior andpeerrelationsat threeelementarygrade levels.Journal ofAbnormalChild Psychology,17, 253267. Possell,L. E., Kehle, T. J., Mcloughlin, C. 5., & Bray, M. A (1999). Self-modelingas an interventionto reducedisruptive classroombehavior.Cognitive & BehavioralPractice, 6, 99-105. Poulin, F., Cilessen,A, Hubbard,J., Coie, J., Dodge, K., & Schwartz,D. (1997). Children'sfriends and behavioralsimilarity. Social Development,6, 224226. Powell, T. H., Salzberg,C. L., Rule,S., Levy,S., & Itzkowitz, J. S. (1983). Teachingmentally retarded childrento play with their siblingsusingparentsas trainers.Educationand TreatmentofChildren, 6,343362. Prinstein,M. J., & La Greca,A M. (1999). Links between mothers'and children'ssocial competence and associationswith maternaladjustment.Journal of Clinical Child Psychology,28,197-210. Prinz, R. J., Blechman,E., & Dumas,J. E. (1994). An evaluationof peer coping-skills training for childhood aggression.Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 23, 193-203. Putallaz,M. (1983).Predictingchildren'ssociometric statusfrom their behavior. Child Development,54, 1417-1426. Putallaz,M. (1987).Maternalbehaviorandchildren's sociometricstatus.Child Development,58, 324-340. Putallaz,M., & Gottman,J. M. (1981).An interactional model of children's entry into peer groups. Child Development,52, 986-994. Quiggle, N. L., Garber,J., Panak,W. F., & Dodge,K. A (1992). Socialinformationprocessingin aggressive anddepressed children. Child Development,63, 1305-1320. Ray, G. E., Cohen,R., Secrist,M. E., & Duncan,M. K. (1997).Relatingaggressiveandvictimization behaviors to children'ssociometricstatusandfriendships. Journal ofSocial & PersonalRelationships,14,95-108. Renshaw,P. D., & Asher,S. R. (1983).Children'sgoals and strategiesfor social interaction.Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 29, 353-374.

REFERENCES

Renshaw,P. D., & Brown, P. J. (1993). Lonelinessin middle childhood: Concurrentand longitudinal predictors.Child Development,64, 1271-1284. Rican,P. (1995). Sociometricstatusof the schoolbullies and their victims. StudiaPsychologica,37, 357364. Roff, M., Sells, B., & Golden,M. (1972). Social adjustmentand personalitydevelopmentin children. Minneapolis: University of MinnesotaPress. Rogosch,F. A, & Newcomb,A. F. (1989). Children's perceptionsof peer reputationsand their social reputationsamong peers. Child Development,60, 597-610. Rose, A J., & Asher, S. R. (1999). Children's goals and strategiesin responseto conflicts within a friendship. DevelopmentalPsychology,35, 69-79. Ross,A O. (1992).The senseofself Researchand theory. New York: Springer. Rubin, K H. (1982). Nonsocialplay in prechoolers: Necessaryevil? Child Development,53, 651-657. Rubin, K H., Stewart,S. L., & Coplan, R. J. (1995). Socialwithdrawalin childhood.In T. H. Ollendick & R. J. Prinz (Eds.), Advancesin clinical child psychology (vol. 17, pp. 157-196).New York: Plenum. Rubin, Z., & Sloman,J. (1984). How parentsinfluencetheir children'sfriendships.In M. Lewis (Ed.), Beyondthe dyad (pp. 223-250).New York: Plenum Press. Rucker,C. N., & Vincenzo,F. M. (1970).Maintaining socialacceptance gainsmadeby mentallyretarded children. ExceptionalChildren, 36, 679-680. Russell,A, & Finnie, V. (1990). Preschoolchildren's social statusand maternalinstructionsto assist group entry. DevelopmentalPsychology,26, 603611. Rutter, M., & Garmezy, N. (1983). Developmental psychopathology.In E. M. Hetherington(Ed.), P. H. Mussen(Series,Ed.), Handbookof child psychology: Socialization,personalityand social development (vol. 4, pp. 775-911).New York: Wiley. Sabongui,A G., Bukowski, W. M., & Newcomb,A F. (1998). The peerecologyof popularity: The network embeddedness of a child's friend predictsthe child's subsequentpopularity. In W. M. Bukowski & A H. Cillessen(Eds.), Sociometrythen and now: Building on six decadesof measuringchildren'sexperienceswith the peergroup (pp. 83-91).SanFrancisco: Jossey-Bass. Sakamoto,A (1994). Video gameuseand the developmentof sociocognitiveabilities in children:Three surveysof elementaryschool students.Journal of AppliedSocial Psychology,24,21-42. Salmivalli, c., & Nieminen,E. (2002). Proactiveand reactiveaggressionamongschoolbullies, victims, and bully-victims. AggressiveBehavior,28, 30-44.

/

191

Scambler,D. J., Harris, M. J., & Milich, R. (1998). Sticksandstones:Evaluationsof responsesto childhoodteasing.Social Development,7,234-249. Schutte,N. S., Malouff, J. M., Post-Gorden,J. c., & Rodasta,A L. (1988).Effectsof playingvideo games on children'saggressiveand other behaviors.Journal ofApplied Social Psychology,18, 454-460. Schwartz,D., Dodge, K A, Pettit, G. S., & Bates,J. E. (1997). The early socializationof aggressivevictims of bullying. Child Development,68, 665-675. Serbin, L. A, Marchessault,K, McAffer, v., Peters, P., & Schwartzman,A E. (1993). Patternsof social behaviorin 9- to 11-year-oldgirls and boys: Relation to teacherperceptionsand to peer ratings of aggression,withdrawalandlikability. In C. H. Hart (Ed.), Children on playgrounds(pp. 162-183.). Albany: StateUniversity of New York Press. Shantz,D. W. (1986). Conflict, aggressionand peer status:An observationalstudy. Child Development, 57, 1322-1332. Sheridan, S. M., Dee, C. c., Morgan, J. c., McCormick, M. E., & Walker, D. (1996). A multimethodinterventionfor social skills deficits in children with ADHD and their parents.School PsychologyReview,25, 57-76. Shure,M. B., & Spivak,G. (1978).Problem-solvingtechniquesin childrearing. SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass. Singleton,L. c., & Asher, S. R. (1977). Peerpreferencesandsocialinteractionamongthird-gradechildrenin an integratedschooldistrict. Journal ofEducational Psychology,69, 330-336. Spivack, G., & Shure,M. B. (1974). Social adjustment of youngchildren: A congitiveapproachto solvingreallife problems.SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass. Steinberg,L. (1986). Latchkeychildren andsusceptibility to peerpressure:An ecologicalanalysis.DevelopmentalPsychology,22, 433-439. Stormshak,E. A, Bierman,K L., Bruschi,c., Dodge, K A, Coie,J. D., & the ConductProblemsPrevention Group. (1999). The relationbetweenbehavior problemsand peer preferencein different classroom contexts.Child Development,70, 169-182. Swanson,J. M. (1992). School-basedassessments and interventionsfor ADD students.Irvine, CA: K C. Publishing. Tassi,F., & Schneider,B. H. (1997).Task-orientedversus other-referencedcompetition:Differential implications for children's peer relations. Journal of AppliedSocial Psychology,27,1557-1580. Taylor, A R., & Asher, S. R. (1984). Children'sgoals and social competence:Individual differencesin a game-playingcontext.In T. Field, J. L. Roopnarine, & M. Segal(Eds.), Friendshipsin normal and handicappedchildren (pp. 53-78). Norwood, NJ: Ablex. Teeter, P. A (1991). Attention deficit hyperactivity

192

/

REFERENCES

disorder: A psychoeducationalparadigm. School

PsychologyReview,20, 266-280. Tiffen, K, & Spence,S. H. (1986). Responsiveness of isolatedversusrejectedchildrento socialskills training. Journal of Child Psychologyand Psychiatry,27, 343-355. Tremblay, R. E., LeBlanc, M., & Schwartzman,A. E. (1988).The predictivepowerof first-gradepeerand teacherratingsof behavior:Sexdifferencesin antiJoursocialbehaviorandpersonalityat adolescence. nal of AbnormalChild Psychology,16,571-583. Tryon, A. S. & Keane, S. P. (1991). Popular and aggressiveboys' initial social interactionpatternsin cooperativeand competitive settings.Journal of AbnormalChild Psychology,19, 395-406. Underwood,M. K., Kupersmidt,J. B., & Coie, J. D. (1996). Childhood peersociometricstatusand aggressionas predictorsof adolescentchildbearing. Journal of Researchon Adolescence,6,201-223. van Schie,E. G. M., & Wiegman,O. (1997). Children andvideogames:Leisureactivities, aggression,social integration, and school performance.Journal ofAppliedSocial Psychology,27, 1175-1194. Vitaro, F., Tremblay, R. E., Kerr, M., Pagani, L., & Bukowski, W. M. (1997). Disruptiveness,friends' characteristics,and delinquencyin early adolescence:A test of two competingmodelsof development. Child Development,68, 676-689. Warm, T. R. (1997). The role of teasingin development and vice versa. Journal of Developmental&

BehavioralPediatrics, 18, 97-10l. Wasserstein,S. B., & La Greca,A. M. (1996).Canpeer supportbuffer againstbehavioralconsequences of parentaldiscord?Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 25,177-182. Weisz, J. R., & Weisz, B. (1990). The impact of methodologicalfactorson child psychotherapyoutcome research.Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology,18, 639-670. Wentzel, K R., & Asher, S. R. (1995). The academic lives of neglected,rejected,popular,andcontroversial children. Child Development,66, 754-763. Whalen,C. K, & Henker,B. (1985).The socialworlds of hyperactive(ADHD) children. Clinical Psychology Review,5, 1-32. Wilson, G. T. (1996). Manual-basedtreatments:The clinical applicationof researchfindings. Behaviour Researchand Therapy,34, 295-315. Zarbatany,L., Hartmann, D. P., & Rankin, D. B. (1990). The psychologicalfunctions of preadolescent peer activities. Child Development,61, 10671080. Zarbatany,L., McDougall, P., & Hymel, S. (2000). Gender-differentiatedexperiencein the peer culSocial ture: Links to intimacy in preadolescence. Development,9, 62-79. Zentall, S. S. (1989). Self-controltrainingwith hyperactive and impulsive children. In J. N. Hughes& R.J. Hall (Eds.), Cognitive-behavioralpsychologyin the schools(p. 305-346).New York: Guilford.

Index

Belka, D.E., 175 Bell-Dolan, D.]., 46 Bender,M.E., 6, 12 Berndt, T.]., 156 bestfriend relationships,76, 119-120,155, 176. seealso play dates Bhavnagri,N.P., 45, 175 Bierman,K.L., 9, 47, 63, 165 biographicalform, 27 Black, B., 61 Blechman,E., 10 boardgames,113-114.seealso games body boundaries,38-39 Borja-Alvarez,T.,88-89 Boulton, M.J., 133 Bouman,D., 48 boys, 48, 101. seealso aggression;genderissues bullying by, 134-135 competitionand, 155-156 criminal behaviorin, 76, 135 friendship levels of, 119-120 information exchangeby, 61-62 "slipping in" by, 87-88 video gamesand, 79, 122, 125,137 Brown, E.G., 45 Bryant, B.K., 120, 175 Bukowski, W.M., 3, 46, 48, 76, 90 bullying, 134-135,169. seealso aggression teasingvs., 134, 136 victimization and, 133-134 "button box," 143 "buying" friends, 64

accusations,147-148,152-154,158-159 Achenbach,T.M., 15 active listening skills, 66 adult-structuredactivities, 79, 175-176 African American population,90 age issues,80, 87 aggressionand, 165 youngerpeers,89 aggression,47, 164-165.seealso bullying physical,164-166,171 reactivevs. proactive,134 reductionof, 10-11 video gamesand, 79, 122, 125, 137 Altman, 1., 61 Andrews, D.W., 61, 176 answeringmachines/services, 53-54 Asher, S.R., 47, 101, 120, 165 AspergersSyndrome,39. seealso autismspectrum disorders(ASD) assessment, 4-8, 15-17, 178-179.seealso diagnoses athletics,36-37, 67. seealso games attentiondeficit/hyperactivitydisorder(ADHD), 12-13 assessment, 15, 17 ratings from child patientswith, 6 social goalsand, 101 stimulantsfor, 28 teachernegativebehaviorand, 147 attire, 31 autismspectrumdisorders(ASD), 13-14, 16. seealso AspergersSyndrome averagechildren, 6, 45-46, 88. seealso rejectedchildren Bagwell,C.L., 3 Bates,].E., 46, 133 Bauminger,N., 13 behavioralcontrol techniques,37-38 behavioralratings, 4, 6-7

caller id blocking, 54 Capaldi, D., 76 Capturethe Flag, 55-56, 59 Carter, D.B., 90

193

194

/

INDEX

Cartledge,G., 10 Cash,T.F., 135 Charlesworth,R., 110 Child BehaviorChecklist (CBCL), 15 Child Mental StatusExaminationTemplate,28 child patients.seealso Child SessionPlans;rejected children preparationfor friendship class,30 ratings from, 4, 6 resistanceto Children'sFriendshipTraining, 30, 38, 77-78 schedulingand, 31, 55, 79, 175-176,178 Children'sFriendshipTraining, 15-17, 45-48, seealso individual namesof training topics. seealso Child SessionPlans;ParentSessionPlans goalsof, 49, 51-52, 57 graduationceremony,43, 54, 169, 172, 175-180 intake, 26-32 posttesting,4, 178-179 screeningfor, 21-25 sessioncontent,41-43 sessionorganization,34-35 treatmentpreparation,19, 30 child room, 33 Child SessionPlans,35-36 materialsfor, 43 overview of, 42 resistanceto, 30, 38, 77 session1, 54-55 session2, 68-70 session3, 80-81 session4, 95-97 session5, 104-106 session6, 114-116 session7, 127-130 session8,142-145 session9, 151-153 session10, 158-160 session11, 168-170 session12, 179 chronic victims, 133-134.seealso aggression;bullying; teasing Clark, E., 9 cliques, 119, 156 clothing, 31 coercion,83-84, 130, 164 cognition, aggressionand, 165-166 Coie, J.D., 46, 48, 165 communityresources,74-75. seealso "slipping in" competition,41, 70-71 cooperativegamesvs., 89 genderdifferencesand, 155-156,161 social goals and, 101 conflict avoidance,164, 171 Conners'InattentionScales,47 Conoley, C.W., 101 Conoley,J.c., 101 controversialchildren, 45-48 conversationalskills, 60-63 cooperativegames,89. seealso competition

Cousins,L.S., 11 Cowen, E.L., 47 Crick, N.R., 48, 101, 164-165 criminal behavior, 76, 135, 165 criticism, in sessions,55 Crosby, L., 61, 176 cross-sexfriends, 90, 156 Cultural DifferencesBetweenBoys and Girls (Parent Handout),161 DeBaryshe,B.D., 165 DecreasingPhysicalFights BetweenYour Child and Others (ParentHandout),171 Delugach,J.D., 11, 88 DeRosier,M.E., 47 Devereux,E.C., 176 deviantfriends, 76 diagnoses,12, 15. seealso AspergersSyndrome;attentiOi deficit/hyperactivitydisorder(ADHD); autism spectrumdisorders(ASD); oppositionaldefiant disorder (ODD) attentiondeficit/hyperactivitydisorder(ADHD), 1213 autism spectrumdisorders(ASD), 13-14 disclosureby parents,31-32 oppositionaldefiant disorder(ODD), 13 peerproblemsincludedin, 3 Diagnosticand StatisticalManual (DSM-III-R) (American PsychiatricAssociation),15. seealso diagnoses didactic presentations,36. seealso Child SessionPlans Dishion, T.J., 61, 76, 176 divorce, 31 Dodge,K.A., 11, 46, 47, 60, 147 on conflict, 164 on rejectedboys, 88 on victimization, 133 Dumas,J.E., 10 Eder, G., 89 Effective Ways to ResistBeing Teased(ParentHandout), 146 Elliott, S.N., 147 emotionalcues,139 Enhancedprogram,16 Erdley, c.A., 101 family honor, 142 family time, 178 fathers, 28. seealso parents "favored few" friends, 119-120 feelings, 95, 142 Feinberg,D.T., 13 Feldman,E., 164 fighting. seebullying; physical fights films, for graduationparty, 179 Finnie, v., 11, 90 Frame,c.L., 48 Frankel,F., 13, 90, 134, 135,164 Frederick,B.P., 147 "frequentfighters," 134, 164. seealso bullying

INDEX

friendship best friend relationships,76, 155, 176 "buying," 64 circles, 119 compatibility of, 157, 167 defined,3,119-120 levels of, 119-120 networks,74-75, 121, 156 same-sex,32, 81, 90 (see also genderissues) Furman,W., 3, 9, 61, 89 games,41, 43. seealso toys boardgames,113-114 Capturethe Flag, 55-56, 59 chosen/organized by children, 159-160,169 cooperativevs. competitive,89 (seealso competition) inappropriate,117 Magic JohnsonBasketball,106, 109,118, 162, 173 Prisoner,82-83, 86 soccer,99, 163, 174 video, 79, 122, 125,137 Wolf Pack, 71, 73 Gauze,c., 90 genderissues,41, 87. seealso boys; girls aggressionand, 164-165 bullying and, 134-135 competitionand, 155-156,161 controversialstatusand, 48 friendship levels and, 119-120 of information exchange,61-62 in peerentry, 88-89 rejectedchildren and, 47, 87-88 same-sexfriendships,32, 81, 90, 156 in screeningprocess,22 George,T.P., 120 girls. seealso genderissues body boundariesand, 38-39 competitionand, 155-156 controversial,48 delinquencyin, 76 friendship levels of, 119-120 information exchangeby, 61-62 interestin boys by, 81-82, 93 "slipping in" by, 87-88 withdrawn, 46 Glass,c.R., 6 Glazer,J.A., 110 Goals and Limitations (ParentHandout),57 GoIter, B.S., 122 Gonso,L 61 good host behavior,113, 119,126-130, 137-138,167. see also play dates good sportsmanship,100, 104-105,115 positive statementsand, 110-111 rules for a good winner, 159 tantrumsand, 130 Goodwin, S.E., 135 Gottman,J.M., 61, 62, 75, 88 on genderissues,90 on negativity in rejectedchildren, 110-111

/

195

on play dates,121 graduation,43, 54, 169, 172, 175-180 GraduationParty Assignment(ParentHandout),172 Grenell, M.M., 6 Gresham,F.M., 5, 46, 147 Grotpeter,J.K., 48, 164-165 grouping, 10,22,38-39 group leaders characteristicsof, 33-34 clinician drift and, 4 gamerules for, 43 manipulatedby children, 116 Hallinan, M.T., 89 Handling Adults ComplainingAbout Your Child (Parent Handout),154 Harris, M.J., 135 Harrist, A.W., 46 Hart, C.H., 119-121 Hartmann,D.P., 60, 120 Hartup, W.W., 89, 110, 176 Having a Conversation(ParentHandout),72 Hazen,N.L., 61 Henker, B., 6 Hibbs, E.D., 33 Hinshaw, S.P., 6, 7, 101 Hodges,E.VE., 133 Hoffman, L.w., 90 homework. seealso Child SessionPlans;ParentSession Plans sessioncontent,41-43 time for, 31, 55, 79, 175-176,178 Hopmeyer,A., 46 hosting. seegood host behavior How Children Make New Acquaintances(Parent Handout),98 Howes, c., 90 How ParentsSupportTheir Child's Friendships(Parent Handout),85 "How to Conductthe Session,"41. seealso Child Session Plans;ParentSessionPlans Hoyle, S.G., 156 Hoza, B., 3, 90 Hupp, S.D.A., 102 Hymel, S., 75 individual treatment,9 informal "clinical" indexes,for assessment, 4, 5 information exchange,61-62, 70, 80 in-group calls. seephonecall exercises initial gathering,34 intake, 26-32 interpersonaletiquette,67, 75, 93-94 intimacy, 60, 61, 63 Jenson,W.R., 9 Johnstone,B., 48 Kasari, c., 13 Katz, K.S., 6

196

/

INDEX

Keane,S.P., 89 Kehle, T.J., 9 Kerr, M., 76 Kim, O.H., 61 Kochenderfer , B.J., 135, 136 Kovacs, D.M., 90 Kupersmidt,J.B., 46-48 Kusel, S.J., 133 Ladd, G.W., 10, 87, 90, 119, 175 on play dates,120-122 on social goals,101 on teasing,135, 136 La Greca,A.M ., 7 Landau,S., 5 lateness,35, 50, 52 Laursen,B., 110 Ledingham,J.E., 7 LeSieur, K., 10 Li, F., 76 Lochman,J.E., 135 Maccoby, E.E., 155 MacDonald,A.B ., 45 Magic JohnsonBasketballgame, 106, 109, 118, 162, 173 Mahoney, M.J., 135 "making fun of the tease," 144, 146, 148,149, 151. seealso teasing Malik, N.M., 3, 9 Marchessault,K. , 87 materials,for Children's FriendshipTraining, 43 McAffer, V., 87 McBurnett, K. , 11 McCloskey, L.A., 90 McCluskey, c.L., 164 medication, 28 effect on negativebehaviors, 12-13 while participatingin Children'sFriendshipTraining, 16-17 Melnick, S.M., 6, 7, 101 Mental StatusExaminationTemplate,29 Mesibov, G.B., 13 Middleton, M .B., 10 Milich, R., 135 Miller, J.N., 14 missedsessions,43, 50, 52 Mize, J., 45 Moore, L., 5 mothers.see also parents conflict managementskills taughtby, 122 interpersonalskills of, 121 participationin programby, 28 perceptionof peer-groupcontext by, 155 screeningprocess and, 22-23 social problemsof, 48 Social Skills Rating Systemadministeredto, 8 nametags, 49, 50 National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) , 5 neglectedchildren, 6, 45-46. seealso rejectedchildren conversationalstyles of, 60

withdrawn vs., 46-47 Nelson,J.R., 148 Newcomb,A.F., 3, 46-48, 75, 76, 90 Newson,E., 120 Newson,J., 120 Nieminen, E., 133, 134 Noell, G.H., 147 Olmi, D.J., 147 Olweus, D., 134, 135 oppositionaldefiant disorder(ODD), 13 assessment, 15-16 respectand, 147-148 out-of-groupcalls. seephonecall exercises overscheduledchildren, 31, 55, 79, 175-176, 178 Ozonoff, S., 14 Pagani,L., 76 pairing, 10, 22, 38-39 ParentAssignments.seeParentHandouts; Parent SessionPlans ParentHandouts,34, 42 Cultural DifferencesBetweenBoys and Girls (session 10), 161 DecreasingPhysicalFights BetweenYour Child and Others(session11), 171 Effective Ways to ResistBeing Teased(session8), 146 Goals and Limitations (session1), 57 GraduationParty Assignment(session11), 172 Handling Adults ComplainingAbout Your Child (session9), 154 Having a Conversation(session2),72 How Children Make New Acquaintances(session4), 98 How ParentsSupportTheir Child's Friendships (session3), 85 purposeof, 66 Where to Go From Here (session12), 180 parentratings, for assessment , 7-8 parentroom, 33 parents,30-35, 45, 66. seealso mothers;ParentHandouts; ParentSessionPlans; play dates;supervision collateral parentmanagementtraining, 10-11 conflict managementskills taught by, 122 effect on peergroup entry, 90-91 impatienceof, 56 intake process and, 26-32 involvementin social skills acquisition,10-11 noncomplianceof, 35, 84, 113 social networksof, 121 supervisionby, 92-93, 121-124,137 telephonescreeningfor program,22-25 ParentSessionPlans.seealso parents materialsfor, 43 overview of, 42 session1, 49-51 session2, 63-67 session3, 77-80 session4, 91-94 session5, 102-104 session6, 111-114 session7, 123-127

INDEX

session8,136-142 session9,148-151 session10, 157-158 session11, 166-168 session12, 177-179 Parke, R.D., 45, 48, 175 Parker,J.G., 62, 90, 120 Parkhurst,J.T., 46 party. seegraduation Pattee,L., 46 Patterson,c.J., 47 Patterson,G.R., 165 peeracceptance,45-46 conversationalskills for, 62-63 disruptive/ defiant behaviorand, 147 positive statementsand, 110-111 researchon, 46-47 peer assessment, 3, 5 peerculture, 62 peerentry skills. see"slipping in" peer nominationprocedure, 4, 5 peerpairing, 10, 22, 38-39 peerrating procedure,S,100-101 peer rejection,164-165. seealso rejectedchildren Pelham,W.E., 6, 12 Pepper,S., 88-89 Perry, D.G., 101, 133 Perry, L.c., 101, 133 Peters, P., 87 Pettit, G.S., 45, 46, 133 Pfiffner, L.J., 11 phonecall exercises, 41. see also Child SessionPlans; ParentSessionPlans answeringservices/caller id blocking, 53-54 "cover story" for, 79 endingcalls, 79, 95-96 negativeresponseto assignment,55 out-of-groupcalls, 77, 92-93, 149 preparingfor, 54-55 rudeness and, 124 physical facilities, for training, 33, 49-50 physical fights, 164-166, 171. seealso aggression Piers-HarrisSelf ConceptScale (PHS), 6 play dates,41, 80, 119, 125-126,132 adverseliving conditionsand, 127 child resistanceto, 138 frequencyof, 124 good host behavior,113, 119, 126-130,137-138,167 inattentivenessduring, 157-158 length of, 126-127 posttreatment,178 processesof, 121-122 reciprocated , 149-150, 167-168 review of, 142-143, 149 sourcesfor, 123 suitableactivities for, 78-79 timing of, 52 unsuccessful,139-140 venuesfor, 70, 79, 139 play deck, 33. seealso reward programs popularchildren, 45-46, 50-51, 180. seealso rejected

/

197

children positive statements,110-111.see also good sportsmanship posttesting,4, 178-179 praising. seepositive statements PreschoolInterpersonalProblemSolving (PIPS), 6 Price, J.M., 87, 175 Prinz, R.J., 10 Prisonergame,82-83, 86 proactiveaggression , 134. see also aggression;bullying Profilet, S., 10 prompts,37-38. see also reward programs Putallaz,M., 11, 75, 88, 110-111 quality friendship, defined, 3 Quality of Play Questionnaire(QPQ), 8 racial differences,90 Rahe,D.F., 89 Ramsey,E., 165 Rankin, D.B., 60 Rasmussen,B., 61 Rasmussen,P., 101 rating procedures,amongpeers,S reactiveaggression , 134. see also aggression;bullying refereeing,111 Reitman, D., 102 rejectedchildren, 6, 22, 45-48, 88. seealso age issues; child patients;genderissues with ADHD, 12 aggressivebehaviorby, 10-11 body boundariesof, 38-39 conflict managementskills taught to, 122 conversationalstyles of, 60 gameplay by, 70-71 genderissuesfor, 87-88 negativity in, 110-111 parentalsocial networksand, 121 responseto teasingby, 135, 136 social networksof, 75-76 as victims vs. perpetrators , 134 Renshaw,P.O., 120 reputation, 74-75. see also "slipping in" disclosureabout, 64 negative,50-51, 75-76 reputationalsalience,176 respecttoward adults, 147-148,152-153,158-159 reward programs,37-38, 43 explainingto children, 54, 104 for good sportsmanship , 102, 115-116, 118 Rican, P., 134-135 Ritalin, 12-13. seealso medication Roberts, M.L., 148 Rof£, M., 147 Rogosch,F.A, 75 roster and rating sociometric procedure,S Russell,A, 11, 90 Sabongui,AG., 76 Salmivalli, c., 133, 134 same-sexfriends, 32, 81, 90. see also genderissues Scambler,D.J., 135

198

/

INDEX

scheduling.seeoverscheduledchildren Schlundt,D.C., 11, 88 Schocken,I., 11, 88 school. seealso teachers peercontactat, 74-75 recess,87 Schwartz,D., 133 Schwartzmann,A.E., 87 screening,21-25 Seal,J., 62 self-disclosure,55, 70 self-esteem,6 Serbin, L.A., 87 Sheridan,S.M., 11 Shure, M.B., 11 siblings, 28, 138, 139 "slipping in," 41,74-75, 88, 90, 111-113. seealso age issues;genderissues coachingfor, 82-84 rejection during, 87-88, 91, 96, 114-115 timing of, 112 venuesfor, 107, 112 Smith, P.K., 133 soccer,99, 163, 174 social cognition, aggressionand, 165-166 social conversation , 61. seealso conversationalskills social cues, 63, 67 social goals, 100-102 socializing. see play dates social networks, 74-76, 121, 156. seealso friendship social penetrationtheory, 61 social preference / social impact,S Social Skills Rating System(SSRS),8, 15 social skills treatment,9-11 Socraticmethod,69 Spivak, G., 11 spontaneousplay, 160, 169 sports, 36-37, 67. seealso games sportsmanship . see good sportsman ship Spracklen,KM ., 76 star program. seereward programs Steinberg,L., 120 storytelling, 68-69 Stuart, D., 5, 46 supervision of phonecalls, 121 of play dates,121-122, 124, 137 swimming pools, 127 Taylor, D., 61 teachers.see also school enlisting aid of, 151 negativebehaviorof, 147

reportsby, 7, 15, 28, 47 teasing,41,133-136,140-144 , 150 bullying vs., 134, 136 confidentcomebacksand, 149 "making fun of the tease," 144, 146, 148, 149, 151 telephoneansweringmachines / services,53-54 telephonecalls. see phonecall exercises television, 74, 140 theory of mind, 13-14 therapists,4, 33-34. seealso group leaders time outs, 37-38. see also reward programs token program. seereward programs toys. seealso Child SessionPlans; games;ParentSession Plans appropriateness of, 53, 56, 64, 113-114 parentalsupervisionof, 123 used for coercion,83- 84, 130 usedon play dates, 128-129 treatmentpreparation, 19, 30 intake, 26-32 screening,21-25 Tremblay, R.E., 76 Tryon, A.S., 89 "tuneups,"127 two-way conversations , 63, 121 Underwood,M .K, 48 University of California - Los Angeles(UCLA) Friendship Program, 15-17. seealso Children'sFriendship Training van Schie, E.G.M., 122 victimization, 133-134. see also aggression;teasing video games,79, 122, 125, 137 Vitaro, F., 76 Wampold, B.E., 9 Wargo, J.B., 165 Weiss, G., 11 Wells, KC., 135 Wentzel, KR., 47, 165 Whalen, C.K., 6 Where to Go From Here (ParentHandout),180 white population,90 Wiegman,0., 122 withdrawn children, 46-47. see also neglected children Wolf Pack game, 71, 73 Younger, A., 7 Zaia, A.F., 46 Zarbatany,L., 60, 88-89