Child Man: The Selfless Narcissist [1 ed.] 0415589894, 9780415589895

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Child Man

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Child Man The Self-less Narcissist

Ashok Malhotra

LONDON NEW YORK NEW DELHI

First published 2010 by Routledge 912–915 Tolstoy House, 15–17 Tolstoy Marg, New Delhi 110 001

Simultaneously published in the UK by Routledge 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN

Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business

Transferred to Digital Printing 2010

© 2010 Ashok Malhotra

Typeset by Star Compugraphics Private Limited D–156, Second Floor Sector 7, Noida 201 301

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopyitng and recording, or in any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publishers.

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-0-415-58989-5

To Sharbori

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Contents

Preface Introduction

ix xi PART I THE STORY

3–84

PART II REFLECTIONS The Three Protagonists

93

Colours of Self-centricity

98

Child Man and the Age of Reason

104

Child Man and Gender Identity

110

Communion Through Agency

120

Child Man and the “EQ-wallahs”

127

Road to Manhood

133

Child Man and Our Times

138

Befriending the Child Man

156

Ashok Speaks

163

Bibliography Index

167 169

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Preface

Sachidanand Vatsyayan Agyeya has written that his book Shekar Ek Jeevani (The Life of Shekar) was conceived in a single night. I had found this difficult to comprehend till I had a similar experience with respect to this book. It happened last year during the institutional meeting of “Sumedhas—Academy for Human Context.” Sumedhas is a not for profit organization set up to foster spaces for “self-reflection” and “dialogue.” Through the year, fellows of Sumedhas facilitate such spaces for people from different walks of life. Once a year, the fellows meet amongst themselves to share what is happening in their own life spaces and also what they see happening in the larger, macro context. Last year, this meeting was held at the Fireflies Ashram near Bangalore. During the day, we meandered through several areas such as the joys, struggles and dilemmas of our own life spaces, issues of ecology, the impact of market forces, changes in familial and social dynamics, etc. However, each of these issues seemed to carry a common theme viz. the widening gap between techno-economic progress and psycho-social maturity. During the night, my thoughts kept going back to these issues and images of the mythological figures of Balarama, Duryodhana and Bhima kept flashing through mind. I began to wonder if there was a connection between the two and it struck me that in some ways, these characters symbolized the same process which we had been grappling with through the day, i.e., the gap between prowess and emotional maturity. Consequently, an exploration of the inner landscape of these mythological characters might throw some light on issues we face today. I could not sleep the whole of that night and by the morning, I had written the book “in my mind.” However, transferring it from

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my mind to paper has taken me over a year—partly because of other preoccupations, partly because of the reading that was necessary to gather as many insights as I could on my three protagonists, but mainly because of my lack of experience in this field. I felt particularly shaky about the first part (i.e. the story) because it needed the creativity of a story-teller rather than the linear thinking and analytical approach of some one like me. However, the inner drive to give these thoughts expression was strong enough for me to give it a shot. Several people have helped me in this endeavour with their valuable inputs. Some of them are Arjun Malhotra, Arundhati Ghosh, Jose Dominic, K.S. Narendran, Kusum Das Prabhu, Neelam Gill Malhotra, Raghu Ananthnaraynan, Roop Sen and Sophie Christopher. I am grateful to Arshia Sattar for not merely editing the book but also helping with the “story” through her deep understanding of Indian mythology. Deepa Jagdish of “Francis and Taylor” was a source of great help, advice and encouragement. I am also thankful to Shalin Jose for the time and effort put in by him for the cover design of the book. While all these people have helped in making this book what it is, one person without whom this book may not have happened at all is Sharbori Gomes. So immense is her contribution to it that the only way I can acknowledge it is by dedicating the book to her.

Introduction

The Widening Gulf

D arkness

at Noon by Arthur Koestler is the story of an exrevolutionary, Rubashov, who had played a significant role in setting up of a totalitarian regime. When Rubashov experienced the callous disregard for individual liberty and humanistic values under the new dispensation, he began to develop serious misgivings and was eventually imprisoned and tried for treason by the new regime. During his trial Rubashov remained ambivalent, but eventually rationalized the need for autocratic leadership through what he called the “law of relative maturity of masses.” Rubashov’s thesis was that the political maturity of masses cannot be seen in absolute terms but only in relation to the prevailing economic structure. Since political maturity requires the masses to evaluate where their best interest lies, it necessarily presupposes that they have a basic understanding of the complex network of economic forces by which they are governed. With every change in the techno-economic structure, a new network of forces arises, of which the masses have little appreciation. Consequently, their political maturity in the changed context becomes even less than it had been in an earlier era. Thus, Rubashov writes in his diary, “The industrial era is still young in its history; the discrepancy is still great between its extremely complicated economic structure and the masses’ understanding of it. Thus, it is comprehensible that the relative political maturity of the nations in the first half of the twentieth century is even less than it was in 200 B.C. or at the end of the feudal epoch.” This leads Rubashov to the inevitable conclusion that individual freedom has to necessarily be restricted until the gap between the political maturity of people can catch up with the requirements of the new techno-economic structure, no matter how repugnant this may seem from classical liberal standards.

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If we broad-base Rubashov’s concept of political maturity to psychosocial maturity and turn his argument on its head, the conclusion would be rather horrifying. What it implies is that the gap between the psychosocial maturity of people and the prevalent techno-economic structure can easily be exploited by any despotic tyrant and can, thereby, provide fertile ground for totalitarian regimes. In fact, Eric Fromm, in Fear of Freedom, has argued that while mankind has obtained considerable freedom from earlier constraints and compulsions, it is also experiencing large scale feelings of isolation and helplessness. This state of affairs, according to Fromm, provides fertile ground for authoritarian tendencies at the collective level and sado-masochistic streaks at the individual level. The collective hysteria which we witness around communal/parochial/racial issues would support Fromm’s fears. It is tempting to attribute this hysteria to the devices of self-serving politicians, but it would be over-simplistic to do so. The gap between techno-economic progress and psycho-social evolution is not confined to the political sphere alone—despotic tyrants and rabble-rousing politicians are not its sole exploiters. Look at any sphere of life and you might well encounter the same phenomenon. The advertising professional of today finds it much more profitable (and perhaps rightly so), to direct his message at the subliminal level rather than persuade the buyer through logic and reason. Rationally, it makes little sense to use celebrities for promotional purposes—firstly, because in most cases, they have no special credentials with respect to the products that they are promoting and secondly, because they take the focus away from the message and place it on the personality of the celebrity. However, the force and appeal of the celebrity’s personality and their association with the product at the unconscious level are strong enough to justify a fortune being spent on the promotional effort for which, ultimately, the consumer pays. Similarly, whether it is the spiritual guru or the pop psychologist or the management expert, they all peddle homilies with great profit. In each of these cases, what is being exploited is Rubashov’s thesis of the “relative immaturity of the masses”.

Introduction

xiii

Every technological advance potentially enhances our prowess to gain mastery over nature and transcend our limitations. Simultaneously, it makes it more difficult for us to comprehend the complex network of forces which govern our lives. We try and fill this gap through acquiring more “information” which is becoming more easily accessible, but this “flood of information” rarely gets integrated and converted into wisdom, leaving us even more bewildered and confused. Thus, we find ourselves in the ironic situation wherein with much more information, knowledge and resources at our command, we have much less appreciation and understanding of the issues which intimately affect us. Consequently, we have much less control over our own lives. This gap between our “prowess” and our cognitive and emotive wherewithal to handle it is most starkly visible on our roads. If the technology of automobiles is advancing by the day, road rage, impatience and indiscipline are increasing by the hour. In a similar vein, in most fields of artistic expression (films, music, literature, etc.), technology and craftsmanship have improved exponentially, but I am not sure if the same can be said of their intrinsic meaning and depth. Even in the field of warfare, we may have acquired the ability to bombard targets which are thousands of miles away by merely pressing a button but we have lost the grace and spirit of a Samurai.

Two Sides of the Coin Thus, almost all spheres of present day life are characterized by the growing gap between our “prowess” and our psycho-social wherewithal to handle it. Perhaps there is a relationship between the two—with the pursuit of prowess becoming a refuge and a compensation for inner anxiety and feelings of helplessness and vulnerability. The part of us which triggers and sustains this process has been termed the Child Man in this book. The Child Man is that part of our selves which manfully fights against all external oppressions and controls but meekly surrenders to inner forces and compulsions. It is extremely strong and powerful on the one hand and totally fragile and vulnerable on the other. While the Child Man resides in all of us, it is more prominent

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and hence more easily visible in some people. By focusing our attention on such people, it is not the intention to brand them as a “certain type of person.” Rather, it is to facilitate the exploration of a larger human context through these issues. On the face of it, “Child Man” may sound like a contradiction in terms, but it is a phenomenon which is frequently encountered in every day life. It is not uncommon to find men who are strong, courageous, energetic, aggressive, masculine, testosterone-driven and simultaneously child-like in their simplicity/innocence and/ or childish in dealing with emotions, both their own as well as those of others. They are emotionally fragile, have low impulse control, cannot handle criticism, throw tantrums when frustrated, are susceptible to flattery and other forms of emotional blackmail, and are generally accustomed to having things their way. Psychologists and analysts have studied them from a pathological point of view and branded them in accordance with their specific orientation. Thus, Freudians would perhaps see them as “mother-fixated narcissists” whereas the Jungians might call them “anima-possessed” personalities. Scholars of gender relations would perhaps call them products of patriarchal systems which feed the “male ego.” In the past few decades, considerable work has been done in the field of men’s psychology. Robert Bly, Victor Seidler, William Pollack, Robert Levant and several others have highlighted the demons with which men have to wrestle. A significant contribution of these efforts has been to bring the “burden of masculinity” centre stage. It is reasonably well understood now that while being a ‘man’ may be a privilege in the world of interfaces (family, work space, sociopolitical structures, etc.), in the individual’s relatedness to himself (his own feelings, vulnerabilities, fears etc.) it is also a huge burden. For, masculinity can never be taken for granted. It has to be constantly proved and established, leaving behind the residual doubt of ‘am I man enough’ which almost all men have to deal with. Thus, it is hardly surprising that in pursuit of manliness, emotional maturity takes a beating for many men.

Introduction

xv

While all these perspectives provide significant insights and have their own validity, what they share in common is their propensity to treat the lack of “emotional maturity” in the Child Man as a problem and seek solutions either in the personal context (through such processes as psychotherapy) or in the collective context (through reconfiguration of gender relations). In this process, the integrity or the wholeness of the individual gets lost and the fact that the “prowess enhancing man” and the “emotionally fragile child” are but the two sides of the same coin gets obscured. The present work is not “problem centric” nor does it have any solutions to offer. All that it attempts to do is to explore the inner landscape of the Child Man—his compulsions, his wishes, his pathos, his pathologies his dilemmas and so forth. For this purpose, it draws upon the mythological figures of Balarama, Duryodhana and Bhima who, in some way, symbolize the phenomenon of the “Child Man” and whose lives were closely intertwined with each other. The book provides a first person account of both their inner and outer lives—the way they experienced themselves, the way they saw their own context and related to it, the choices they made and how those impacted them and others and, most importantly, the residual feelings that they may have been left with. Lest it be thought that the Child Man is manifest only in men, let me clarify that it is not so. Here, we are not talking about men or women but of a certain kind of psyche which can be manifest in either of the two genders. The term “man” is being used only because this psyche leans strongly towards attributes which have traditionally been regarded as masculine. The crux of the psyche is not gender specific. It alludes to that part of ourselves which pursues “prowess” above all else, which propels us to gain mastery over nature rather than to live in harmony with it, which propels us to be masters of our destiny rather than flow with life; which propels us toward self sufficiency rather than gracing our dependence on others, which makes it impossible for us to accept the inevitabilities of existence and which leaves us feeling enraged when our “will” is frustrated or denied. However, when this

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psyche manifests itself in women, it brings certain peculiarities. This is because both “prowess-pursuit” and “emotional expression” have a strong relationship with the way gender roles are configured. Thus, while gender issues are not central to this work, some exploration of them will be necessary in order to understand the phenomenon of the Child Man. Also, some exploration of the collective human context will be necessary, particularly in respect to the exponentially increasing prowess of mankind through techno-economic advancement, the erosion of emotional infrastructures like family and community, the preeminence of the market place, the imperatives of living in a global village, the simultaneity of isolation and interdependence and other such phenomena.

Structure of the Book The first part of the book provides the story of the three protagonists through first person, anecdotal narrations. The anecdotes have been interspersed and organized in a way that the continuity of each story line is maintained. However, these stories only provide a backdrop, particularly for readers who may not be too familiar with the Mahabharata. The emphasis in the anecdotes is on thoughts and feelings of the three protagonists. Apart from research in some translations of the original Mahabharata (though the original Mahabharata is itself a knotty issue), related works by Kisari Mohan Ganguli, Shivaji Savant, Iravati Karve, K. M. Munshi, Narendra Kohli, Pratibha Rai and M. T. Vasudevan Nair, have also be used for this purpose. Most of the anecdotes are fictional and several of them have also been based on the writings of the above mentioned authors. No specific references have been provided because the overlapping nature of several narratives makes it impossible to trace the origins of any specific anecdote. Further, several fictional additions/modifications have been made by the present author with a view to highlight the underlying emotional processes. The “story” should therefore be treated as that of three fictional characters based on the three mythological figures. Accuracy vis-à-vis the original Mahabharata is neither intended nor necessary for our purpose.

Introduction

xvii

The second part of the book is more analytic in nature. The emphasis here is on exploring the personal and collective processes related to the phenomenon of the Child Man and their implication for our times. Thus, besides drawing upon the three protagonists, this part also uses several examples from popular cinema, literature and contemporary life. The first chapter, “The Three Protagonists” looks at the similarities and differences between the three characters and outlines the issues and themes which have been explored in the subsequent chapters, such as “Colors of Self-centricity,” “Child Man and the Age of Reason,” “Child Man and Gender Identity,” “Communion through Agency,” “Child Man and the EQ-Wallahs,” and “The Road to Manhood.” The last two chapters, “Child Man and Our Times” and “Befriending the Child Man,” explore the implications of this psyche for the current world and the reconfigurations which may be required for fostering its positive and constructive potential. The basic assumption here is that the individual psyche is not just a product of personal propensities and the context of the individual, but is also shaped by the collective context which is comprised of prevalent social, cultural, economic and political conditions. These forces play a significant role in determining which aspects of the psyche will be valued, fostered and deployed by the individual and which aspects will be suppressed and/or repressed. In these chapters, the term “modern man” has been used to portray the “social character” which is shaped by these forces, and hence should be understood in this limited sense. The other limitation of this prototype of “modern man” is that it primarily refers to members of an urban, industrialized and modern society. However, given the power and influence which this segment of human population enjoys, it is not surprising that its beliefs, values and perspectives are fast gathering a universal applicability. For delineating the prevalent forces of our times, I have relied primarily upon my own experience of working with hundreds of men and women and on the experiences of several colleagues who are engaged in similar work. However, since most of us belong to the same fraternity

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and in fact, belong to a common body called Sumedhas—Academy for Human Context—a certain subjective predisposition is inevitable. I have also been greatly influenced by writings of several scholars, particularly Ken Wilber and Eric Fromm, in my understanding of the larger human context of our times. Undoubtedly, there are several ways of looking at the larger human context and in the ultimate analysis, each of these is necessarily limited and determined by our personal proclivities. Therefore, in the end, I have added a brief statement about my own struggles with some of these issues.

PART I

THE STORY

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List of Names and Terms

ABHIMANYU

Son of ARJUNA and SUBHADRA, nephew of KRISHNA, killed by the KAURAVAS in the CAKRAVYUHA

ACHARYA

Teacher/Scholar

ADIRATHA

Charioteer, foster-father of KARNA

AKRUR

Minister in the court of KANSA

ANGIRAS

Seer and sage in whose ashram KRISHNA spends some time

ARJUNA

Third PANDAVA brother, son of INDRA born to KUNTI, greatest archer in the world and a special friend to KRISHNA

ASHRAM

Abode of a sage and his disciples

ASHWATTHAMA

Son of DRONA, loyal to DURYODHANA, massacres the descendants of the PANDAVAS at the end of the war

BADI MAA

See YASHODA

BAKASURA

Demon killed by Bhima after their escape from the palace fire

BALARAMA

Elder brother of KRISHNA, mace warrior and teacher of both BHIMA and DURYODHANA. In some accounts son of VASUDEVA and ROHINI and hence half brother to KRISHNA

4

Part I

BALLABHA

BHIMA’S disguise in the thirteenth year of exile

BELIYA

Family retainer to the PANDAVAS, loved by BHIMA

BHANUMATI

Wife of DURYODHANA

BHIMA

Second of the PANDAVA brothers, son of Vayu the Wind-god born to KUNTI, mace warrior and arch-rival of DURYODHANA

BHISHMA

“Grandfather” to both PANDAVAS and KAURAVAS, respected elder at the KAURAVA court

BRIHANNALA

ARJUNA’S disguise in the thirteenth year of exile

CAKRAVYUHA

Impenetrable battle formation designed by DRONA and used in the war against the PANDAVAS

CHEMMUR

Wrestler hired by KANSA to fight KRISHNA and BALARAMA

CHOTI MAA

See ROHINI

DARUKA

KRISHNA’S charioteer

DAU

“Elder brother,” used as a term of intimacy by KRISHNA for BALARAMA

DEVAKI

Birth mother of KRISHNA and BALARAMA, sister of KANSA

DHARMARAJ

Epithet for YUDHISTHIRA, the son of DHARMA

DRAUPADI

Wife of the PANDAVA brothers, daughter of DRUPADA, king of Pancala

List of Names and Terms

5

DRONA

Martial arts teacher to both the PANDAVAS and the KAURAVAS

DRISTADYUMNA

Son of DRUPADA, brother of DRAUPADI, ally of the PANDVAS, born to kill DRONA because of animosity between DRUPADA and DRONA

DUHSASANA

Brother to DURYODHANA, second of the KAURAVAS

DURVASA

Sage known for his anger

DURYODHANA

Eldest of the KAURAVAS, son of GANDHARI and DHRITARASHTRA

DWARKADHISH

“Lord of Dwarka,” epithet for KRISHNA

EKALAVYA

Tribal boy who seeks DRONA as a teacher and is rejected because he is not a KSHATRIYA

GANDHARI

Mother of DURYODHANA and the one hundred KAURAVAS, who blindfolds herself after she marries the congenitally blind DHRITARASHTRA

GANGACHARYA

Head-priest in GOKUL

GHATOTKACA

Son of BHIMA and HIDIMBI

GOPI

Womenfolk in the cowherd community

GURU DAKSHINA

Offering made by a student to his teacher at the end of his training period

HALADHARA

“Plough-wielder,” epithet of BALARAMA

HANUMAN

Son of Vayu the Wind-god, “brother” to BHIMA, special devotee of Lord Rama and worshipped as “monkey god”

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HIDIMB

Tribal cannibal that the PANDAVAS meet in the forest, killed by BHIMA, brother of HIDIMBI

HIDIMBI

Wife of BHIMA, mother of GHATOTKACA, sister of HIDIMB

INDRA

King of the gods, father of ARJUNA

JAMBAVATI

Wife of KRISHNA who received the SYAMANTAKA jewel from her father when she got married

JANARDHANA

Epithet for KRISHNA

JARASANDHA

King of MAGADHA and Father-in-law of KANSA and one of the most powerful kings of that period

JAYADRATHA

Brother-in-law of DURYODHANA and a KAURAVA ally

KALYAVAN

Ruler to the south of Gokul, ally of JARASANDHA

KANHA

Diminutive term of endearment for KRISHNA

KANKA

YUDHISTHIRA’S disguise in the thirteenth year of exile

KANSA

KRISHNA and BALARAMA’S uncle, bent on their destruction, ruler of Mathura

KARNA

First-born son of KUNTI, abandoned and brought up by a charioteer and his wife, ally of DURYODHANA who makes him king of Anga so that he can fight his archrival ARJUNA

KAURAVAS

Sons of DHRITARASHTRA, cousins and rivals of the PANDAVAS

List of Names and Terms

KICHAKA

Brother-in-law of VIRATA and his military commander

KRIPACHARYA

Brother-in-law of DRONA and a KAURAVA ally and military commander

KRISHNA

Worshipped as the the eighth incarnation of VISHNU, son of DEVAKI and VASUDEVA, KUNTI’s nephew and chief advisor of PANDAVAS.

KRITAVARMA

YADAVA warrior who fights on the side of the KAURAVAS

KSHATRIYA

Warrior caste

KUBERA

God of wealth whose garden BHIMA attacks

KUNTI

Mother of the PANDAVA brothers, YUDHISTHIRA, BHIMA and ARJUNA, wife of PANDU

LAKSHMANAA

Daughter of DURYODHANA

MADRI

Mother to the PANDAVA twins, NAKULA and SAHADEVA, wife of PANDU

MAHOUT

Rider and care taker of elephants

MUSHTIKA

Wrestler hired by KANSA to fight KRISHNA and BALARAMA

NANDBABA

Foster-father of Krishna, leader of the cow-herds in GOKUL

NAKULA

Twin brother to SAHADEVA, son of PANDU, born of MADRI

PANC-ALAS

DRUPADA’S army and his descendents, allies of the PANDAVAS

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Part I

PANDAVAS

The five sons of PANDU, cousins and rivals of the KAURAVAS

PANDU

Father of the PANDAVAS, husband of KUNTI, brother of DHRITARASHTRA

PARIKSHIT

Son of ABHIMANYU and UTTARA and the only heir of the PANDAVAS

PONDURAK

King who claims to be incarnation of God and is killed by KRISHNA

PRADYUT

Advisor to KRISHNA

RADHA

Beloved of KRISHNA during his time in VRINDAVAN, also his eternal spiritual consort and his complementary female energy

RAJAMATA

Mother of the king

ROHINI

Foster-mother of BALARAMA

RUKMINI

Wife of KRISHNA

SAHADEVA

Twin brother to NAKULA, son of PANDU, born of MADRI

SAIRANDHARI

DRAUPADI’S disguise in the thirteenth year of exile

SANDIPAN

KRISHNA’S teacher

SATADHANVA

Involved with the theft of the SYAMANTAKA jewel, brother of KRITAVARMA

SATRAJIT

Original owner of the SYAMANTAKA jewel

SATYABHAMA

Daughter of SATRAJIT and Wife of KRISHNA

SATYAKI

YADAVA warrior who fights on the side of the PANDAVAS

List of Names and Terms

9

SHAKUNI

Brother of GANDHARI, uncle to the KAURAVAS, DURYODHANA’S player in the dice game

SHAMBARI

Tribal girl who fell in love with VISVAMITRA, helped him during his captivity and eventually married him

SHAMBH

Son of KRISHNA and nephew of BALARAMA, imprisoned by DURYODHANA

SHIKHANDI

Formerly a woman, now born as a warrior to kill BHISHMA

SHISUPALA

Cousin to KRISHNA and BALARAMA who is killed by KRISHNA at the ceremony to celebrate YUDHISTHIRA’S coronation

SUBHADRA

Sister of KRISHNA and BALARAMA, married to ARJUNA, mother of ABHIMANYU

SUDAMA

Childhood friend of KRISHNA

SUYODHANA

DURYODHANA’S alter-ego

SWAYAMVARA

Public ceremony in which a princess chooses her own husband from among invited royalty

SYAMANTAKA

Jewel that generates wealth

UDDHAVA

KRISHNA’s cousin and close associate

UGRASENA

Father of DEVAKI and KANSA and an ally of KRISHNA AND BALARAMA, imprisoned by KANSA

UTTARA

Wife of ABHIMANYU whose unborn child is saved by KRISHNA

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Part I

VASUDEVA

Birth father of KRISHNA AND BALARAMA, husband of DEVAKI

VIDURA

Brother to PANDU and DHRITARASHTRA, advisor in the KAURAVA court

VIKRADU

Advisor to UGRASENA in Gokul

VIPRUTHA

Minister in the court of Dwarka

VISVAMITRA

Born a KSHATRIYA but became a powerful sage, strong advocate of inclusivity

VYASA

Narrator of the Mahabharata

YADAVAS

KRISHNA’S clan

YAKSHAS

Celestial beings

YASHODA

KRISHNA’S foster-mother, wife of NANDA/NANDBABA

YUDHISTHIRA

Eldest PANDAVA brother, son of DHARMA born to KUNTI

CHAPTER 1

Balarama Speaks

I am sitting by the river side, waiting for the end to come. After the disastrous events of the previous 24 hours, I don’t want to live any more. How could a minor altercation between Kritavarma and Satyaki lead to the destruction of the entire Yadava clan? I wonder when and where the seeds of this destruction were sown. Were they sown by Shambha in his disrespect for the revered sage or were they sown thirty six years earlier on the battlefield of Kurukshetra where Krishna, despite my repeated warnings, got us embroiled in the war between the Kauravas and the Pandavas? The consequence, of course, was mother Gandhari’s curse on the entire Yadava clan. Or did the seeds lie in the rivalry between Satyaki and Kritavarma for Krishna’s affections? After the incident over the Syamantaka jewel, Kritavarma could never fully regain Krishna’s confidence and could only draw some solace from proximity to me. Eventually, of course, Kritavarma fought on the side of the Kauravas and Satyaki on side of the Pandavas. That wretched jewel, Syamantaka-mani, had even caused an estrangement between Krishna and me, though only for a while. Fortunately, it was all resolved but could we ever regain the closeness of our childhood? My mind drifts back to Gokul where it all began.

I was a little over three years old and Krishna, a year younger. Every morning when Badi Maa churned the milk, both of us would stand next to her completely naked, with only a silver ornament around our waist, waiting for the churning to be over so that we could gobble

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up the butter. On this particular day, Krishna started playing hide and seek with Badi Maa. Every time she turned to one side, so would Krishna, hiding himself behind her clothes. After a while, Badi Maa became very anxious and started calling to him, “Oh Krishna, where are you, where are you?” Finally, she spotted him. She picked him up, showered his face with kisses and put the entire ball of butter in to his mouth. All this while, I was creeping closer to her, but she took no notice of me. I began to tug at her garments, pleading with her to pick me up but she was so engrossed in Krishna that all my attempts to capture her attention failed. I started to cry, stamped my feet and ran away from there. At last, she noticed and then, both she and Choti Maa came together to pacify me. But I was so enraged that I refused to listen to them and so they decided to leave me alone. As I was lying there, crying and bawling, I felt Krishna’s small little fingers caressing my hair. My anger began to melt but I did not respond to him. Krishna started to sulk and move away from me, but I grabbed him, hugged him, kissed him and then for a long time, we laughed and cried together. In that moment, we had become one. From that day, Krishna was me and I was Krishna. We were together in everything. We slept together, we bathed together, we ate together, we stole butter together, we played our pranks together and we were punished together; so much so that it became impossible for people to speak of one without mentioning the other in the same breath. It was always Balarama and Krishna. In everything which Krishna did, except for his escapades with Radha, Balarama was always included. And yet, we were so different. He was cool, composed, ever smiling and unruffled in any situation. I was intense, passionate and temperamental. There was always a mystery around Krishna—no one knew what was really on his mind. I was totally transparent with all my feelings and my thoughts were visible to everyone. I was stronger and older, but he had such a confident air about him that people always listened to him and he became the natural leader.

Balarama Speaks

13

After some years, we had to leave Gokul for Vrindavan. We were both adolescents by now. One night, when Krishna and I were almost asleep, Nandbaba came and woke us and took us to meet a guest who had arrived during the day. The guest, whose name was Akrur, had arrived from Mathura with a beautiful chariot. He was apparently a minister in the court of Prince Kansa. Krishna, as was his wont, kept asking how this huge chariot had been brought across the Yamuna river. He had always been like that, curious, asking questions and never giving up till he received an answer that satisfied him. For instance, he would repeatedly ask me, “Dau, why does the Yamuna river keep calling me to her?”, or “Dau, why do I keep dreaming of Mathura and the imprisoned Prince Vasudev and his wife Devaki?” and so on. That fateful night, some of Krishna’s questions were to be answered and they changed the entire course of our lives. As we entered the room, we saw Akrur—an old man who seemed wise and compassionate. Krishna nudged me and said softly, “How can such a nice man be working for that cruel Kansa?” It was as though Akrur had read the question in our eyes and he began to explain. What he told us was the story of our own lives. He told us how Prince Kansa had imprisoned his own father, King Ugrasena, how he had let lose a reign of terror in the kingdom with the help of his cruel father-in-law, Jarasandha, and how the great sage Vyasa had predicted that the eighth son of Devaki and Vasudev would liberate the people by killing Kansa. Devaki was Kansa’s favourite cousin and her husband, Vasudev, was his close friend and confidante. But none of this prevented Kansa from ordering their immediate execution. However, after much pleading and persuasion from several quarters, Kansa agreed to only imprison them provided that all their offspring would be handed over to him. Although the prediction only applied to the eighth son, Kansa did not want to take any chances and decided to kill all of Devaki and Vasudev’s children. One by one, Devaki’s first six sons were killed by Kansa. The seventh son, me, was replaced with a still-born girl and I was smuggled out and sent with mother Rohini to be brought up at Gokul. And when the eighth son (Krishna) was born, our father

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Vasudev brought him across the raging Yamuna river and handed him over to Nandbaba, who was the chief of the cowherds in Gokul. Nandbaba placed Krishna next to mother Yashoda who had become unconscious after delivering a baby girl. The female infant was handed over to Vasudev and when mother Yashoda got up in the morning, she saw Krishna next to her and believed him to be the infant she had given birth to. The girl child was taken back to Mathura and handed over to Kansa as the eighth offspring of Devaki. While Kansa promptly killed the new born girl, his suspicions were not allayed. This was aggravated by the fact that as he threw the little infant to the floor, she flew out of the window and there came a thundering announcement from the heaven, “Your killer has already arrived on earth!” Kansa remained vigilant and made many attempts to locate Devaki’s missing children, but he did not succeed. Akrur went on to tell us that ever since Kansa heard about Krishna and me and our exploits, he had rightly concluded that we were the seventh and eighth sons of Devaki and Vasudev. He had, therefore, sent the royal chariot to bring us to Mathura to participate in a festival where wrestlers from various parts of the kingdom gathered to demonstrate their prowess. However, his real plan was to have us killed in the course of the wrestling bout or to let a mad elephant loose at us.

As the elders began to deliberate upon Kansa’s invitation, it became clear that there was no way this invitation could be declined without a serious threat to the entire clan. Also, Krishna and I were now ready for the tryst with our destiny. The next day, the entire clan gathered to bid us farewell. There was much crying and wailing. We tried to console everyone, particularly Badi Maa and Choti Maa, and started walking towards the royal chariot, with me in front in my blue attire and Krishna behind me in his customary yellow clothing with the peacock feather in his head gear. Looking at him, I felt a strong gush

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of love and I said to myself “No matter what, I will always stand by my little brother!” I was also excited at the prospect of vanquishing Kansa. Krishna and I were taking our first steps towards conquering the world. Little did I realise then, that it was also the beginning of the end of our symbiotic bond with one another.

As Krishna and I started walking towards the palace grounds of Mathura, we were thronged by crowds who were pouring in from all directions. They threw flower petals and garlands at us and were chanting, “Long live Krishna Balarama!” Just as we reached the gates, a mad elephant, seemingly out of control, charged towards us. There was panic all around but we were ready. I slipped between the legs of the beast and caught hold of its tail. Simultaneously, Krishna, who was in front of the elephant, started to sway so rapidly that the poor creature just could not keep pace with him. Taking advantage of its bewilderment, I used the tail as a rope and climbed on top of the elephant. I threw down the mahout (who had obviously stagemanaged the entire incident), and started attacking every part of the huge animal’s body with his heavy elephant goad. As the elephant began to scream, Krishna caught hold of its trunk and pulled out its tusk. We were drenched in the fountain of blood that followed and soon, the elephant collapsed, unable to withstand our joint assault. The whole crowd erupted with chants of “Victory to KrishnaBalarama!” and followed us to the main arena where we were confronted by the wrestlers Mushtik and Chemmur. The crowd started to protest “This is not a fair contest! How can these young boys match up to these huge monsters?” They really were much bigger than us. Krishna, in particular, looked like a mere baby in front of the demonic Chemmur. “How will he face upto him?” I wondered. While I was preoccupied with these apprehensions, Mushtik attacked me and threw me off-balance. I quickly recouped and focused on my fight with him. For some time, he matched my skill, agility and strength but in the end, I managed to pick him up, whirl him around and throw him

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down with such force that he died instantly. Meanwhile, to everyone’s delight, Krishna had managed to kill Chemmur. Kansa sent in a new set of wrestlers but we eliminated them, too. Kansa was enraged. He took out his sword and started to walk towards us. Akrur tried to stop him but he pushed him aside. Simultaneously, the Magadhi soldiers started attacking all those who they thought were opposing Kansa, including our father, Vasudev. I rushed into the royal enclosure and took on all of them, single-handed. At the same time, Krishna climbed up onto the podium, grabbed Kansa by his hair and beheaded him.

We had just returned from the emotionally charged reunion with mother Devaki, father Vasudev and grandsire Ugrasena. All the elders gathered together to think about what had happened. Pradyut was the first to speak. “We are facing a grave situation. There are many powerful people who were close to Kansa and are extremely unhappy with these developments. Also, Jarasandha will surely want to avenge the killing of his son-in-law. We cannot let the throne remain empty—we must elect a new leader immediately!” ‘What’s the hurry?” asked a senior leader. “No, Pradyut is right, we have to elect someone straight away,” said the head priest, Gangacharya. “I think Shri Vasudev should be the automatic choice,” someone suggested “My whole life has been spent in grief and long years of imprisonment have incapacitated me, I am in no position to take up this responsibility,” said our father. As this discussion was going on, the old king Ugrasena entered the hall, and on being briefed about the issue at hand, he said, “It is clear to me that the rightful leader and one who can take us through these difficult times is none other than the person who has delivered us from our pitiable state. I suggest Krishna ascend the throne and lead us!”

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“Hail-hail!” shouted everyone as Krishna stood up to speak. “I am indeed honoured, but so far I have only lived as a cowherd. I have not received the education necessary to be a king. At this juncture, the most important thing is unity amongst us; and no one symbolizes that unity better than grandsire Ugrasena. Therefore, I think, the best course of action would be for him to resume his position as the king and our leader.” The entire assembly was stunned. Slowly, king Ugrasena began to speak. “I do not know why Krishna is doing this. He is the rightful owner of this throne and if for some reason, he does not want to accept it, then it should be his elder brother Balarama who takes his place. However, I will do as he wishes provided he and Balarama stay here in Mathura and guide us.” “We will always be available to you but we must return to Vrindavan with Nand Baba. Our first duty is to the place where we were brought up and to its people,” said Krishna. “That cannot be!” shouted several people together and they began pleading with Nand Baba to gift his two sons to Mathura. With tears in his eyes, Nand Baba said, “Family comes before the individual, clan comes before the family and nation comes before the clan. Krishna and Balarama will stay here!” After uttering these words, he fell unconscious with grief.

It was late at night and I was feeling restless. Important decisions had been taken about my life and I did not know what to feel about them or whether this was what I really wanted. I nudged Krishna and asked him, “Why did you say no to the throne?” “Why do you ask? Did you want to become the king?” “Of course not! While I am older than you, I have always looked at you as the leader and you know that. It is only that there is no one more suitable than you to be the king.”

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“But, it is not my calling,” he responded. “Then, what is your calling?” “I do not know very clearly as yet. Perhaps it is to fight adharma wherever it occurs, perhaps it is to work towards establishing the rule of dharma, not just in Mathura, but everywhere.” “What about Vrindavan, don’t you want to go there?” “I will never go back there!” “What about Radha?” “She will always be a part of me and so will all the near and dear ones of Mathura, but that phase of my life is over.” He turned over and went off to sleep but I began to wonder who this stranger was, sleeping next to me. Do I really know him? Is he the same naughty prankster who, till the other day, used to steal butter and run away with the clothes of the maidens bathing in the river? What do I mean to him, and why did he not look at me even once as he decided and spoke on behalf of both of us?

CHAPTER 2

Duryodhana Speaks

I am Duryodhana, the eldest son of King Dhritarashtra and Queen Gandhari. Earlier, I was also known as Suyodhana—the righteous warrior, but now I am only addressed as Duryodhana—the terrible warrior. Not that I minded the change, but I was not sure how it came about. Perhaps it had something to do with the return of my cousins, the Pandavas. Ever since those five came back to Hastinapur, my life became miserable. Before this, as the heir apparent, my succession to the throne was taken for granted and everyone was keen to do my bidding. I was the master of all I surveyed and I was sure that with my valour and with the support of my hundred brothers, I could take Hastinapur to new heights and even surpass the glory of Jarasandha in the east and Kalyavan in the south. With the return of the Pandavas, there was unnecessary doubt and uncertainty. First, there was the complication of my father being only a care-taker king. Though he was the older one, he was denied the throne on account of his blindness and my uncle Pandu was made the king. It was only after uncle Pandu went to the Himalayas that my father took charge of the kingdom. By this time, uncle Pandu was dead, but his wife, aunt Kunti, came back with those so called five sons of his. To make matters worse, the eldest son, Yudhishthira, was slightly older than me. At every opportunity, I was reminded that he was the rightful successor to the throne. This age difference must have been of some consequence because I believe that when my mother, Queen Gandhari, learned of Yudhishthira’s birth, she was so frustrated that she even tried to abort me. Though my mother outwardly never complained, her bitterness and dissatisfaction at being married to a

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blind man and being deprived of the status of the chief Queen, possibly even of the Rajmata, was all too visible. Similarly, while on the face of it, my father showed much affection and concern for my Pandava cousins, I knew how bitter and enraged he felt within himself. The most difficult problem was the blatantly partisan attitude of elders like uncle Vidura and grandsire Bhishma. Anyone could see what a coward Yudhishthira was, but uncle Vidura was always going ga-ga over his righteous homilies in the name of dharma. The sly and smug Arjuna had some skill with the bow and arrow, but the way grandsire Bhishma swooned over him, you would have thought that he was God’s greatest gift to mankind. The two younger ones, Nakula and Sahadeva, who were in fact, sons of aunt Madri, were of little consequence. The only one who, to some extent, could be regarded as my equal was the second son, Bhima. He was strong and courageous and had it not been for him, I could easily have taken care of the rest of them. As I sat mulling over the situation, my maternal uncle Shakuni came in. He was the only one who understood and supported me. “What are you pondering, my dear son?” “You know what a terrible situation I am in, there is no one who loves me or cares for me.” “That’s not true—your father loves you very much and is always trying to protect your interests.” “What is the use of a father like that who, in spite of being the king, does not have the courage to assert himself and is always trying to say politically correct things rather than what he actually wants.” “I agree. But you must remember that he can not afford to displease the grandsire and also has to deal with that cunning and manipulative Vidura.” “That is exactly my point. Why can’t these old fogies be straight with each other, rather than engaging in this endless play of words?” “None of these people can be of any help to you. But, what about your teacher, Drona?”

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“No chance. He is so blatantly partial towards Arjuna that even his own son Ashwatthama feels resentful. The other day, we came across a tribal youth Ekalavya, who clearly had the potential to surpass Arjuna in archery. Apparently, this boy had come to Acharya Drona, who refused to accept him as a disciple. Nonetheless, the boy made a statue of Drona and started practicing, treating Drona as his teacher. Sensing a potential threat to Arjuna’s supremacy, the Acharya decided to ask Ekalavya for guru dakshina. What do you think he asked for?” “What?” “Ekalavya’s right thumb, so that he could never shoot again. But, I must hand it to Ekalavya, who did not hesitate for even a moment and promptly cut off his thumb and offered it to the Acharya.” “You are right, all these old fogies are the same, and you cannot depend on any of them. You will have to find your own answers to these knotty problems.” “The only solution I can think of is to wring the necks of all my five cousins and throw them into the river!” “Don’t be silly, there is no point losing your temper like that. You are so volatile that you forget that not all problems are solved through muscle power.” “So, what do you suggest that we do?” “First, we must neutralize Bhima who is their shield and their real strength. Without him, they are helpless and totally vulnerable. Second, we must find someone who can match Arjuna in archery.”

The stadium was full and the atmosphere electric. Guru Drona had organized a grand graduating ceremony for us in which our skills and talents were to be showcased in front of other royalty and the general public. Bhima and I had already shown our individual skills. We were now invited by the Acharya to a duel that would determine the best mace warrior. Both of us looked at each other with mutual

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hatred and knew that it could well mean the end for either of us. We began slowly and cautiously but were soon hitting each other with all our strength. There was pin-drop silence among the spectators. There was so much ferocity in our attacks on each other that possibly, no one expected us to come out of this encounter alive. And so it would have been, had the Acharya not intervened at the decisive moment and declared us joint winners. Neither of us was satisfied with this. We both felt frustrated, glared angrily at each other, and went back to our respective seats. The function had been cleverly designed to ensure that archery got centre stage. Obviously, the Acharya wanted his favourite pupil, Arjuna, to be seen not just as the best archer, but also as the best warrior. Not unexpectedly, Arjuna surpassed everyone and started showing off his skills. Just as he finished and before the applause could die down, a young man with the looks of a god and body of a giant bowed down before the Acharya and sought permission to demonstrate his skills. Very soon, the young man, whose name was Karna, had enthralled everybody with his prowess. Amidst shouts of “Bravo! Bravo!” from me and my brothers, it was clear that he could easily replicate each and every feat of Arjuna. After he had finished, he sought the Acharya’s permission for a direct duel with Arjuna. Before the Acharya could respond, Kripacharya intervened and said, “Arjuna is a prince and only a member of royalty can engage him in direct combat!” “Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” I shouted. “Let lineage not stand in the way of determining talent and merit. And if his not being royalty is such a big issue, then I will anoint him the king of Anga. I am sure the generous king will agree to this proposal in the interest of a fair determination of skill and prowess.” Saying this, I quickly looked at my father who, fortunately, had the good sense to nod his head before anyone could object. As Arjuna and Karna got ready to face each other, the charioteer Adiratha came running into the arena and embraced Karna shouting, “My son, my son!”

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Bhima laughed aloud “Oh, so he is only the son of a charioteer! And he wishes to engage prince Arjuna in a duel!” “So what if he is only a son of a charioteer? Skill and prowess are not the monopoly of any one class of people, as Ekalavya, who is only a tribal, demonstrated. Bhima! It does not behoove you to laugh at other people on account of their lineage!” I protested. Kripacharya intervened again. “The rules and norms of a duel do not permit this, in any case it is now sundown and hence no duel can be permitted today.” “I agree,” said grandsire Bhishma and closed the matter before my helpless father, the so called king, could even open his mouth. I was furious. Once again, these old fogies had combined to frustrate me. From where did they dig out these obscure rules and norms, every time the Pandavas were in trouble? Never had they come to my rescue with such eagerness. Uncle Shakuni put a hand on my shoulder and whispered softly, “Calm down, at least we have found an answer to that arrogant Arjuna!” Realizing the import of his statement, I rushed to Karna and embraced him. His eyes were moist and the devotion and gratitude that he felt were far too obvious. I also felt a gush of love and admiration for this exceptionally gifted man who had perhaps never received even an iota of kindness from any one. In that moment, I knew I had found a strong ally and a faithful and loyal friend for life.

“I believe Krishna is coming to Hastinapur,” said Bhanumati as I entered my bedroom. “So, what’s there to feel so excited about?” I snapped back. “Oh, I so much want to meet him! The stories that I heard about him when I was in Kashi—his mastery over the flute, his dancing with the Gopis and all those miracles that he performed.”

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“He is a fraud. And don’t forget, he always supported his cousins, the Pandavas, against us. It was mainly because of him that Yudhishthira was anointed the crown prince.” “But all that is history now! The Pandavas have been taken care of in the palace fire at Varnavat. Tell me, is it true that you arranged to set the palace on fire in order to eliminate them?” “Who says so? Besides, you should not worry your self with such matters.” “I don’t. I only want you to be on the right side of Krishna. Whatever may have happened in the past, in the changed scenario, there is much for you to gain by befriending Krishna.” “Uncle Shakuni thinks the same,” I murmured. “For a change, he is giving you good advice. Listen to him. I suggest we invite Krishna to the Gauri Puja celebrations when he is here. It will be such fun.” “Let me think about it,” I said. I did not trust Krishna one bit, the fellow was always upto some trick or other. However, there was some merit in Bhanumati’s suggestion, so I decided to invite him. With all the revelry, wine and women, it would give me a good opportunity to watch him in a different setting. And given his roving eye and reputation with women, who knows what unexpected benefits might accrue.

Krishna arrived splendidly attired and with his usual enigmatic smile. All the ladies made an immediate bee line for him, with Bhanu leading the pack. She had taken special care to dress and was looking ravishing. I felt proud that she belonged to me but also upset that she should take so much care for this cowherd. “Oh Krishna!” she was saying, “I am so glad you have come! The stories I heard about you when I was in Kashi! Tell me, did you really perform all those miracles?”

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“You should not believe everything people say,” replied Krishna, smiling. “Especially when it comes to him,” I chimed in. “See, how smart your husband is! Perhaps you could do with some of his smartness.” He added, “And may be he could do with some of your innocence!” I moved away, but kept a close watch on him. The ease with which he related to people and the magnetic attraction with which he drew everyone, particularly women, to himself, I had never seen before. I have had my share of success with women, but this was totally different. Never before had I seen such intense passion in the women’s eyes—as though they were imploring him to caress every part of their being, their body, their heart and their soul.

“Where is your flute?” Bhanu was asking Krishna. “I left it in Vrindavan. I never touched it after that.” “How sad, it must be so very painful for you.” “Not at all. That phase of my life is over and I never grieve over the past. Life is like a flowing river and to make it stop at any place, no matter how enchanting, will only create stagnation. See, if life had not moved on, would I have met such a beautiful young lady?” he smiled at her. Bhanu blushed. “You are just saying that to make me feel happy. There is no dearth of beautiful women in your life.” “It is true that in my eyes, every woman is beautiful, but some, like you, are especially so!” Bhanu was so thrilled that she almost threw herself upon him. I kept watching them from a distance and gulped down one drink after another. A pretty little thing snuggled up to me and said “Tonight, she is totally engrossed in him, prince, you better look else where!”

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“You think I care?” I leered at her and squeezed her breast. “Ouch, not here,” she winced in pain. “Take me to some other place!” I started to pull her away when Krishna tapped my shoulder. “Bhanumati has had one drink too many, you better take her away before she makes a scene.” “I thought you were looking after her,” I retorted. “Do I need to look after my sister when she has such a capable husband?” He smiled, bowed and left. I was dumbfounded. Here was this man shamelessly flirting with my wife and now he calls her his sister and shows such concern for her virtue! “Will I ever be able to figure him out?” I murmured to myself.

CHAPTER 3

Bhima Speaks

I was feeling on top of the world as I led the procession back into Hastinapur. The ordeal of the previous few years had made us much stronger. With allies like the Yadavas and the Panchalas, we had become a force to reckon with. Duryodhana and his cronies could not take us lightly any longer. Though it had not been very easy for my brothers, personally, I had had a great time. With great satisfaction, I recalled our escape from the palace fire in which the cunning Duryodhana had plotted to trap us. Our encounter with the tribe of cannibals had been no less an adventure—how easily I over-powered their chief Hidimb and killed him! After which, his sister, Hidimbi, offered herself to me in marriage and the tribe made me their chief. In Hidimbi, I had found a true soul-mate. She was strong, big built, earthy, sensous and had massive appetites, just like me. None of the coy delicacies of city bred ladies for her. Living with her in the forest was the happiest period of my life, though admittedly it was not very easy for my mother and my brothers, with the fear of being devoured by one of the cannibals always hovering over their heads. Leaving Hidimbi and my infant son Ghatotkacha behind was really tough for me, but there was no way I could have deserted my family. So, when Krishna’s instructions came that we were to make our reappearance at the swayamvara of king Drupada’s daughter in Panchala, we had to leave the forest. I so much wanted Hidimbi and Ghatotkacha to accompany us, but the tribe people would just not hear of it. I also realized that Hidimbi would feel totally out of place in the synthetic world of the city and its palaces.

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Sitting on my decorated elephant, I smiled as I thought of Duryodhana’s embarrassment when he could not even string the bow, let alone shoot an arrow at the swayamvara. In the public enclosure with my brothers, all of us dressed as poor Brahmins, I had laughed out loud at Duryodhana’s discomfiture. King Drupada had set a really tough test for the marriage of his daughter. When all the assembled kings and princes had failed to accomplish the feat, Arjuna got up and, with great ease, pierced the eye of the revolving fish. I felt so proud of my younger brother and rushed to protect him when everyone charged to attack him. I simply uprooted a tree and stood in front of him, challenging all of them to come and fight me. Before the situation could get out of hand, Krishna came forward and revealed our true identity to all of them. When mother Kunti decreed that Draupadi should be married to all five of us, I felt both awkward and delighted. After all, I had also played a role in winning her. Besides, she was so beautiful and enchanting. She might not have had Hidimbi’s physical strength, but the steely resolve in her eyes would put any warrior to shame. Never before had I seen this unique combination of strength and delicacy that I found in her.

As we returned to Hastinapur like victorious warriors, I could see a huge crowd of people who had thronged to welcome us. Grandsire Bhishma, uncle Vidura, and believe it or not, even Duryodhana was there in the reception party. He must have been fuming inside and I thought what fun it would be to tease him and stoke his envy. Suddenly, my eyes fell on Beliya who was sitting in a cart being pushed by his son. Forgetting every thing else, I rushed to him. “Hey what happened to you, how have you become so old?” “Little master, age is catching up and ever since I heard about the palace fire, I have been so depressed and sad!” I was overwhelmed to see him. Beliya had been more to me than any mother could have been to her child. I was told that as an infant,

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I was way too strong and tempestuous for mother Kunti to handle. Beliya had been entrusted with taking care of me. He used to play with me, calmly withstanding all my rages and tantrums, he taught me wrestling and showered me with the uncomplicated and unconditional love of a mother. I pushed aside his son and took charge of the cart. “Now, I am going to carry you just the way you used to carry me! Let’s go to your house!” “You can’t do that, little master! You have to take part in all the royal celebrations.” “What do I care for them, I only want to be with you!” I said and caried him in his cart surrounded by all the children and youth of his community. The moment we reached his house, I demanded, “Give me something to eat, I am famished!” “Do you still eat the way you used to?” he asked. “Of course! Do you know, before the cannibals made me their chief, I had to prove that I could eat more than any of them!” I laughed aloud and so did all the children who had accompanied us. Soon, I was totally engrossed in eating the home-made bread baked by Beliya’s daughter-in-law, joking and laughing with all of them, totally unmindful of the palace and its intrigues.

I was sitting by the river side near a village just outside Hastinapur, which I left in utter disgust a few hours back. I felt like smashing a few heads as I wondered what to do about the mindlessness of people around me. Elder brother Yudhisthira had once again let us down by leaving every thing to uncle Dhritarashtra. It had always been like this. When Duryodhana tried to poison me in our childhood, my brothers did not allow me to even bring it to the notice of grandsire Bhishma, arguing that it would only upset him and not do any good.

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In spite of being anointed crown prince, Yudhisthira meekly gave in to Uncle Dhritarashtra’s directive for us to leave for Varnavat. Why? Just because the great Duryodhana desired it? Obviously, with the intent of burning us alive in the palace fire! The same story was repeating itself. Even after the grandsire advised uncle Dhritarashtra to step down so that Yudhisthira could take over as the next king, my saintly elder brother left every thing in the hands of uncle Dhritarashtra—and it was no secret that he would be swayed by what Duryodhana and that cunning Shakuni wanted. To complicate matters, I knew that the mighty Krishna had promised his adopted sister Bhanumati that her husband would rule over Hastinapur. Whose side was he really on? First, he came to our aid and then made this absurd promise to Bhanumati.

Seething with rage, I turned around and found Krishna standing beside me. “What are you doing here?” I shouted angrily. “I have come here to be with you.” “Don’t you try to sweet talk me into going back to Hastinapur. I have made up my mind that I will never return there.” “So be it. Then I have no choice but to accompany you and go where ever you go.” “Why, what does this have to do with you?” “Because I told your mother and brothers that I would not return without you!” “But I have told you that I am not going back!” “I am not asking you to. But you can’t stop me from accompanying you. Tell me, what exactly do you intend doing?” “I don’t think it is necessary for me to tell you. If you must know, then let me inform you that my plan is to set up a new kingdom of my own!”

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“I knew that’s what you would want to do because you are the only one who has the sagacity and foresight to realize that it is the only way out” All my life I had been laughed at as dull-witted and called a fool or an idiot. Now, Krishna praising me for my sagacity and foresight! That didn’t seem right! Nevertheless, I asked, “Why do you say that?” “Do you, like your elder brother, believe that you people and Duryodhana can co-exist peacefully?” he responded with a counter question. “Of course not! That can never be! Yudhisthira, you know, is an idealist and believes everyone is as saintly as him. But I know Duryodhana will never leave us in peace!” “You are absolutely right. Now, tell me, what do you propose to do with Duryodhana and his uncle Shakuni even if Yudhisthira becomes the king?” “Had it not been for the grandsire, I would have killed them by now and eliminated this problem altogether!” “And you also know that for the present, that is not possible. Which is why I said that you are smart enough to realize that the only way out is to set up a separate kingdom. And I would like to help you do it.” By now my anger was almost totally gone. “How can you help?” I asked. “First, we must ensure that you get your fair share of resources from Hastinapur. Then, of course, the entire might of the Yadavas will be available to you. Add to it all that you have received from Panchala. With the valor of your brothers, I am sure you will be able to set up a kingdom which will outshine Hastinapur in every respect.” My eyes began to gleam with excitement. “Just like you had set up Dwarka!” I said excitedly. “But uncle Dhritarashtra will never let us have our share of the resources.” “Why don’t you leave that to me? I am sure the king is going to suggest a division of the kingdom, keeping Hastinapur for Duryodhana

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and offering the forest area of Khandavaprastha to you all. I suggest that we accept it and then force his hand to share other resources.” “How will you do that?” “Come with me and see for yourself!” A little later, we were on our way back to Hastinapur.

The next day, uncle Dhritarashtra summoned the royal assembly to announce his decision. He was obviously trying hard to sound mournful and sincere but the effort was showing. “I have not been able to sleep all night,” he started. “My obedient nephew Yudhisthira, who is more than a son to me, has asked me to make the most difficult of all decisions. If I appoint him the next king, as I would like, Duryodhana and my other sons will never accept it and there will be unnecessary hostility between the cousins. On the other hand, if I make Duryodhana the king, it will be unfair to my nephews. Therefore, after considerable thought, I have come to the sad conclusion that the best course is to divide the kingdom into two parts. Duryodhana will be the king of Hastinapur and Yudhisthira will rule over the Khandavaprastha area.” Before he could finish, several people began to shout, “That is hardly a fair division!” “We can’t let the Pandavas go from here!” and other such things. But before the protest could go any further, Krishna rose, raised his hands and began to speak.“Please, don’t be impatient. Listen to the king’s complete proposal. Those of you who wish to be with the Pandava brothers can accompany them, I am sure the king will not object to your doing so. Am I right sir?” He looked at uncle Dhritarashtra who nodded his head vigorously.“What about our property here?” asked one person. “You can carry your movable property with you and either sell off the immovable property or maintain it here. After all, the two kingdoms will be part of one larger family.” He looked again at

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Uncle Dhritarashtra who nodded, but with much less enthusiasm. By now, he realized that Krishna had virtually taken control of the proceedings. Thus, when Krishna announced, “on his behalf” that the army and treasury of the kingdom would also be divided into two equal parts, the poor fellow had no choice but to claim that was, indeed, his intention. All this while, I sat there, marveling at the skill with which Krishna had maneuvered the entire situation. Later, I expressed my gratitude to him and suggested that we name the new kingdom after him, but Krishna declined. “I don’t think that would be wise. Instead, I suggest that we name it Indraprastha. I think we will need a lot of help and support from lord Indra so it would be nice to be on his good side!”

CHAPTER 4

Balarama Speaks

A meeting had been called to discuss the disturbing news brought by our spies. After several unsuccessful attempts to avenge the killing of his son-in-law, Jarasandha had decided to lead the attack himself with the help of several other smaller kings who were his allies. The plan was to attack Mathura from all sides at the same time and kill both Krishna and me. “Are we prepared to deal with a multi-pronged attack like this one?” asked King Ugrasena. “I am afraid we cannot hold them off for more than a few days,” said Vikradu. “Kansa had felt totally safe on account of his fatherin-law and he never paid much attention to the defense of Mathura. Also, the recent skirmishes with Jarasandha’s generals have left our forces completely depleted.” “I agree with him,” said Krishna. “Engagement in this war at this time will mean certain defeat and mass scale destruction of our people and property.” “What is the way out?” asked the king. “There is only one thing to be done. Jarasandha’s real enmity is with Balarama and me. If we are not here, there is no reason for him to attack Mathura.” “But we can not possibly hand the two of you over to him!” “No, but both of us can leave Mathura and ensure that this news is leaked to Jarasandha. Then he will know that it will be futile to demand the two of us from you.”

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“No way!” I shouted. “Run away like a coward and be branded for the rest of my life? I would much rather lay down my life on the battle field!” “I know that and so does everyone else,” said Krishna. “No one would dare to call you a coward in any case, but there are times when concern for one’s personal reputation must be sacrificed for the larger good. There is no cowardice in choosing your own time and place for engaging with an enemy. Sacrificing thousands of life in an endeavour which is sure to fail is neither a sign of bravery nor of wisdom.” He said this with such finality that no one could say anything more. The next morning, Krishna, Uddhava and I departed quietly from Mathura.

We had a great time on Gomantak hill, or at least I did. I loved the tribals and their uninhibited celebration of life. There was plenty of delicious toddy to drink, beautiful sensuous women who wore nothing above their waists and who loved to dance and make merry. Sometimes, Krishna joined us in this merriment, but mainly, he remained focused, preparing for the inevitable encounter with Jarasandha who we knew had been following us ever since our departure from Mathura. “How about getting some weapons for your self?” Krishna asked me. I picked up a plough and said, “This is enough for me to take care of that incarnation of evil—after all, I am not called Haladhara for nothing!” “Start getting ready, it’s not long now before we have to face him.” Sure enough, within a few days, Jarasandha with his troops and several allies had surrounded the Gomantak hill. But we had the advantage of position and made it impossible for them to climb the hill. Left with no other choice, Jarasandha set the hill and neighboring forest on fire. We were prepared for this and managed to escape, but Jarasandha’s ploy backfired. As the fire spread, all the wild animals

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began to escape and started charging at Jarasandha’s troops who ran for their lives. Seizing this opportunity, I made a direct attack on Jarasandha and in no time, I had him on the ground. I placed my foot on his chest and lifted my plough to put an end to his life when Krishna stopped me. “Let him go!” “Why?” I yelled. “This is a great opportunity to put an end to this menace!” “No, his time has not come as yet!” I was furious. “I demand an explanation—you cannot let him go like that.” “Then listen,” Krishna replied. “I don’t think the Yadavas in Mathura, especially in our absence, can withstand the fury of revenge which the Magadhis will let loose on them if we kill Jarasandha now.” Quickly, he dragged me away from there.

Leaving Mathura was not an easy decision for any of us, but we realized that there was no other choice. It had become clear that staying in Mathura, we would not be able to withstand a combined attack from Jarasandha in the east and Kalyavan in the south. Consequently, advised by Krishna, we left Mathura with it’s entire population, it’s cattle and other movable property, so that when Jarasandha and Kalyavan reached Mathura, all they would find were empty roads and deserted buildings. We moved westward and set up a new kingdom which we named Dwarka. It did not take us long to develop Dwarka into a beautiful and prosperous kingdom and soon, it was the pride of Aryavarta. Satrajit who was one of our prominent citizens, had received a boon from lord Shiva, a jewel called the Syamantak Mani. The jewel could generate endless amounts of wealth. Some time ago, the jewel had been stolen and Satrajit accused Krishna of masterminding the theft. I was furious at this false allegation and wanted to behead Satrajit

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right away, but Krishna remained cool and fortunately, stopped me from doing anything rash. Krishna not only managed to recover the jewel, but also uncovered the mystery behind the theft. It was Satrajit’s own brother who had stolen the jewel and then lost it to a tribal chief. Mercifully, the whole episode ended well and in the process, Krishna acquired two more wives for himself—the tribal Jambavati and Satrajit’s daughter, Satyabhama.

We were in Hastinapur when a distraught Satyabhama came and informed us that her father had been killed and that the Syamantaka jewel had been stolen again. We rushed back to Dwarka and discovered that one of our distant cousins, Satadhanva, had been absconding for some days. Krishna immediately summoned Satadhanva’s brother, Kritavarma, who confessed that it was Satadhanva who had been behind the killing and the theft and had now run away to Kashi. Krishna and I made an immediate departure for Kashi. The moment Satadhanva learnt of this, he tried to escape, leaving behind his soldiers behind to block our way. I told Krishna to go after Satadhanva and leave the rest of the soldiers to me. It didn’t take me long to take care of that motley army, by which time Krishna also returned with the news that he had not been able to capture Satadhanva alive and had had to kill him. “That scoundrel does not deserve to live!” I said. “But where is the jewel? Show it to me!” “The jewel was not with him,” said Krishna. “How can that be? You probably did not search him properly.” “No, Dau! I am sure the jewel was not with him.” There was a mysterious smile on Krishna’s lips which made me extremely suspicious. “You are hiding some thing from me. Surely the jewel is not more important than your older brother. I am not going to take it away from you. I only want to see it once. Can’t you trust me even this much?”

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“Dau, you are unnecessarily getting angry. Please believe me, the jewel is not with me.” This was too much for me to take. I was sure he was hiding some thing from me and started wondering if he really trusted me. I shouted at him, “I have had enough of your insolence! I can’t take it any more! Be happy with your precious jewel, I am going away and will never return!” I turned and walked away while Krishna kept trying to dissuade me, but I was absolutely convinced that the jewel was with him, or at the very least, he knew of its whereabouts. The thought that he was hiding something from me and did not trust me was so infuriating that I was not prepared to listen to him, or to any one else for that matter.

I stayed back in Kashi and did not return to Dwarka. Of course, my mind was always occupied with memories of my younger brother and all the other people in Dwarka who were so dear to me and without whom my life had no meaning. At times, I wondered whether I had been too harsh with my brother, but I was simultaneously enraged and thought, “How could he do this to me?” “Sir, someone has come from Dwarka to meet you,” the attendant informed me. It was minister Viprutha who, after greeting me, handed over a small box. “Dwarkadhish has sent this for you.” I opened it and tears filled my eyes. Inside the box was a small peacock feather with a note from Krishna. “Ever since you left, I have not worn this. I am waiting for you to return and put it back into my headgear.” “That rascal knows exactly how to tug at my heart strings,” I muttered, but there was no way I could stop myself from returning to Dwarka.

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When I reached, the general assembly was in progress. Krishna came forward to touch my feet, but I embraced him tightly, put the peacock feather into his headgear and started to cry. “I am terribly sorry Krishna! I don’t know what happened to me.” “Dau, it is only your love for me which can’t bear the thought of anything coming between us. But please believe me, I was helpless. I could not even share my suspicions with you lest I wrongly implicate a revered and senior member of our clan!” Saying this, he looked towards uncle Akrur who came forward and said, “All this has happened because of my greed. Satadhanva had left the jewel with me and I could not resist the temptation of keeping it for my self. Dwarkadhish, give me the severest possible punishment so that it becomes an example for others!” Krishna looked straight into his eyes and said, “Uncle Akrur, you are one of the most respected members of our clan. How can Dau and I ever forget the help and guidance you gave us during our encounter with King Kansa? The only punishment I can think for you is that you continue as a minister of this court, keep the Syamantak Mani, and ensure that its wealth is deployed for collective well-being. It is only through genuine repentance that you can best respond to the call of dharma and set an example to others.” As uncle Akrur went to take his seat, I looked at my brother with a mixture of awe, reverence, affection and pride. “It is not for nothing that people experience him as divine!” I silently said to my self.

We were sitting together after dinner. Rukmini started, “You two brothers are always worried about everyone. I wish you had the same concern for your own family as well!” “Why, what happened?” I queried. “Do you realize our little sister Subhadra is no longer that little? Have you done anything about finding a suitable groom for her?”

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“Ha ha!” I responded. “Don’t you worry, dear sister-in-law. I am not like your great husband. For me, my family always comes first. I have already chosen the most suitable groom for our Subhadra. I hope Krishna will agree with me!” “That’s just like you,” Krishna retorted, “seeking my agreement without even telling me who this most suitable groom is!” “Well, who other than my most capable and devoted disciple, Duryodhana? And our dear sister will become the queen of Hastinapur—so what do you say?” “How can I not go along with your choice? But I hope that is what Subhadra wants. Have you checked with her?” “What is there to check with her? It is for us to decide as to what is best for her. Duryodhana is brave and handsome and I am sure that I can convince him that Subhadra should be anointed his chief queen. I have no doubt that our little sister will be over the moon at the prospect of marrying the most eligible groom in all of Aryavarta. I was only worried about your reaction, but now that you have agreed, everything is settled. I will make arrangements to invite Duryodhana to Dwarka.” Krishna kept quiet but I was feeling greatly relieved. I had been somewhat apprehensive in light of Krishna’s antipathy towards Duryodhana and his undue partiality towards Pandavas, especially Arjuna. Not that I had anything against the brothers. In fact, I was quite fond of them, especially Bhima, who was also one of my favourite disciples. The fatherless sons of aunt Kunti deserved all our help and support but sometimes, I felt Krishna went overboard. The generous help which he extended to the Pandavas in setting up Indraprastha was understandable, but I thought that he should have been more mindful of the envy which he was inadvertently evoking in Duryodhana. I had even heard that Krishna was working towards making Yudhisthira the chief emperor of Aryavarta, which I feared may lead to future trouble. In any case, at least this issue had been settled smoothly.

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Over the next few days, all of Dwarka was abuzz with the news of the forthcoming wedding. Duryodhana had accepted the invitation with great delight and was expected to arrive in Dwarka very soon. Krishna came to me and suggested, “Dau, why don’t you ask your father-in-law to send his troops from the Revantak hill to welcome Duryodhana? I am sure it will add to the grandeur of the occasion and Duryodhana will be pleased.” “I think that is a wonderful idea!” I agreed readily, without realizing the consequences of this seemingly innocent request. Just a few days before Duryodhana’s arrival, the news came that Arjuna had eloped with Subhadra when she went to pray on the Revantak hill. Since there were no troops there, Arjuna had no difficulty in taking her away. Further, none of the neighbouring kingdoms made any attempt to block the fleeing couple. I was furious and went to Krishna. “Just what do you think of yourself? You will do as you feel like, with out any concern for the feelings and views of other people? Do you think that I do not see through your games or realize that all this could not have happened with out your connivance?” He smiled enigmatically and said, “What have I done, Dau? It is Subhadra’s choice which we must respect. Nevertheless, if you believe that I have erred, then I am willing to accept any punishment that you deem fit. If you like, I will leave Dwarka for good so that I am not a hindrance to anyone.” Not for the first time, he left me speechless. The next day, we all left for Indraprastha to solemnize the wedding.

CHAPTER 5

Duryodhana Speaks

“Ever since you have returned from Indraprastha, you have not been your usual self,” remarked uncle Shakuni. “How can I be—after all the humiliation that I suffered there!” I responded glumly. “Tell me about it.” “Oh, you know most of it. The way that flat slob Bhima would keep boasting about how he killed Jarasandha in a wrestling bout and then look at me with disdain as though I can never match him. Arjuna would not let any opportunity pass to remind me that Subhadra had preferred him to me. And that righteous prig Yudhisthira very cunningly made me in charge of collecting the gifts and offerings brought by all the smaller kings to show their allegiance to the great emperor.” “But of course the real purpose was to make you feel small.” “Exactly, but the worst was still to come. They showed me around their palace of illusions and did not even have the decency to warn me about it. Naturally, I stumbled many times, mistaking a dry floor for water and vice versa. When I slipped and fell, that stupid fellow Bhima started laughing and mocking me like a moron. And to beat it all, that shameless prostitute who sleeps with five men laughs at me and says—what else can you expect of a blind man’s son? Imagine, she did not even spare my poor old father!” “I can see how badly you are hurting, but you know all their arrogance is because of that cunning cowherd. I am sure Bhima could

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not have killed Jarasandha without his help and he surely incited Subhadra to elope with Arjuna. The glory of Indraprastha and the emperor-hood of Yudhisthira is all because of that Krishna!” Uncle Shakuni thought for a while and then went on, “My sources tell me that right now he is occupied down south.” “So what?” “So, my dear nephew, this is the time to strike!” “My god, you are absolutely right! We must attack Indraprastha immediately! But how am I going to convince my cowardly father to give me permission to do so?” “Don’t be impetuous. Even if my great brother-in-law agrees with us, Bhishma and Vidura will never support invasion of Indraprastha, which means the army will be divided and it will become impossible to beat the Pandavas, even without Krishna.” “So what should I do—just keep sitting here like this?” “No. We must counter their cunning with cunning.” “What do you mean?” “Invite Yudhisthira for a game of dice! As a kshatriya, he cannot refuse! And you know his weakness for gambling!” “And what if he wins? Or, even if I do win some of his wealth, what real difference will it make?” “You seem to have lost all faith in this old uncle of yours! Just send the invitation, I will play on your behalf and you sit by and watch the fun!”

“We won again!” shouted my brother Duhsasana as uncle Shakuni smiled knowingly after rolling the dice. With that, Yudhisthira had lost not just all his wealth but his entire kingdom. “I have nothing more to stake,” Yudhisthira said ruefully.

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“How sad,” said uncle Shakuni. “The luck of the dice is not going your way at all. But I would like to give you another chance. How about staking your brother Sahadeva? If you win, you can get back all that you have lost so far.” He stopped for a while and then went on. “The only problem is that he may not listen to you, after all he is only a half brother to you.” I smiled quietly to myself as I realized that uncle Shakuni was pressing just the right buttons. How could Yudhisthira admit to not being sure of the loyalty of his step-brothers? Predictably, he first staked Sahadeva and then Nakula and needless to say, he lost both times. “Tch, tch, tch… this is really unfortunate. Now you do not have any step-brothers left! And I am sure you would not like to risk any of your real brothers!” Very cleverly, uncle Shakuni had trapped Yudhisthira in a web of his own righteousness. In order to prove his impartiality, the poor fellow first staked Arjuna then Bhima and finally himself. Each time he lost. “Well that’s that,” said Yudhisthira. “We are now your slaves and will do as you command.” “No, no! Don’t give up so easily!” uncle Shakuni persisted. “You still have Draupadi! But then, she does not belong just to you but to all five brothers!” “You dare not do that! Or, I will burn those dice throwing hands of yours!” shouted Bhima. “Quiet, elder brother!” interrupted Arjuna. “This is not the time. We must remain united and loyal to our eldest brother.” “Poor Bhima,” I thought to myself. “This arrogant bastard, who dared to mock me, is now gnashing his teeth in impotent rage”. Draupadi was staked and lost. I jumped with glee. All the humiliations that I had suffered were about to be avenged. “Go and fetch her!” I ordered my bodyguard. Soon, he returned, saying, “Queen Draupadi

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has refused to come. She wants to know whether the Dharmaraj had staked himself first or her?” “You stupid fool, don’t address her as Queen Draupadi! She is merely a slave now!” I then turned towards my younger brother Duhsasana “That arrogant bitch thinks she is a great scholar and wants to debate these finer points. Go and make her realize her true situation! Drag her by her hair and bring her to me!” Almost at once, I saw my brother dragging Draupadi by her hair and bringing her into the royal assembly. She was pleading and shouting, “How can all you great wise men allow this to happen? How can you watch the humiliation of a helpless woman and just keep sitting there? Even if all your honor and dignity have deserted you, where is your sense of fairness? Grandsire, I ask you, if Yudhisthira had already lost himself, what right did he have to stake me?” Grandsire thought for a while and then replied, “The question you raise is a complex one. However, even the most humble and lowliest of slaves has rights over his wife.” “Well said!” shouted Karna. “The issue is now settled. Duhsasana, go ahead and strip this arrogant prostitute in front of the whole assembly!” “No—oh, please, save me!” Draupadi pleaded. “There is no one to save you now!” I shouted “Come and sit here on my lap!” I bared my thigh and invited her to sit on it. “Wretched Duryodhana!” shouted Bhima. “Wait till I get a chance— I promise you, I will break that thigh of yours and Duhsasana, be sure I will tear open your chest and drink your blood!” “Ha ha, rant as much as you want, you wretched slave! Duhsasana, don’t you worry! He is our slave now and can do nothing. Just go ahead and do as Karna says, strip their precious Draupadi of all her pretensions of modesty!” Duhsasana moved forward as Draupadi fell on the floor, raised her arms and began to pray. “There is no one to save me, the elders have

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deserted me and so have my five brave husbands. But what about you, my lord, my friend, my protector, my Krishna? Where are you?” Saying this, she rose. There was a steely resolve in her eyes now. “Duhsasana come and touch me if you dare! I take an oath by all that is sacred—this hair of mine will remain unbound until I have washed it in your blood!” It is difficult to say what happened next. Was it the name of Krishna or was it the fire emanating from Draupadi’s eyes? We will never know, but Duhsasana froze and it was as though the entire assembly was spell-bound. No one moved an inch, father Dhritarashtra was trembling visibly. Finally, he started to speak slowly. “My dear daughter-in-law, the way this assembly, particularly my own sons, have behaved towards you is inexcusable. But you have shown the entire world the power of a virtuous woman which I am sure will be remembered for centuries and you will be revered as one of the most chaste women of all times. Please ask me for any boon and it shall be granted!” “All I seek is freedom for my husbands.” “Of course, they will be freed. But you must ask for more!” “No, respected father, this is enough for me. I have full faith in the ability of my husbands to fulfill all my other needs and desires.” “Spoken like a truly virtuous wife! I know you will not ask me for anything else. However on my own, I declare that all the wealth and the kingdom that Yudhisthira lost will be returned to him!” I could not believe my ears. All our planning and effort was being ruined by my own father in a moment of weakness. Was he so scared of Krishna and the spell that the mere mention of his name seemed to have cast over the assembly that he was willing to surrender in such an abject manner? I wanted to scream in protest, but uncle Shakuni restrained me and started speaking himself. “That is indeed very gracious of the great king, but you should also be fair to the other side. May I make a suggestion?”

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“Go ahead.” “I suggest that we have one more final game with predetermined stakes. Whichever side loses will go into exile for a period of thirteen years of which the last one will have to be incognito. In the event of being recognized during the thirteenth year, the entire cycle will have to be repeated.” Mercifully, father agreed and of course, Yudhisthira had no choice but to accept. Predictably, we won again and the Pandavas would be out of my life for the next thirteen years. As always, I was left with the feeling that all my victories get compromised by my very own people. Nonetheless, thirteen years was not a short span of time.

CHAPTER 6

Balarama Speaks

Daruka, Krishna’s charioteer, was the first person that I saw on reaching the ashram of Acharya Angiras. “So, our information about Krishna being here is correct,” I said to myself and then embraced Daruka and asked him, “Where is my little brother? Take me to him.” He took me to Krishna who bent down to touch my feet but I held him in a tight embrace and said, “How could you do this to us? Leaving Dwarka without a word to anyone and then not sending any news for months. Do you realize how much pain and anguish you have caused to your parents, your wives, children and all your near and dear ones? Or, do we all mean nothing to you?” He kept silent. I went on, “Anyway, what is done is done. Now quickly get ready as all three of you are returning back to Dwarka with me.” “That is not possible,” he replied. “I have decided to stay here for ever. Of course, Uddhava and Daruka can go back with you.” “I am not going anywhere without you,” said Uddhava. “Nor am I!” Daruka joined in. “Ah I see!” I said. “Let us consult Acharya Angiras on this matter.” “I know what he will say,” Krishna retorted. “He also wants me to stay here!” With great difficulty, I controlled my anger and said, “In any case, let me meet him and pay my respects to him.”

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After resting for a while, we went to see the Acharya. The customary greetings were exchanged and then, I took everyone by surprise by placing my golden crown at his feet. “My brothers have decided to stay here with you. We all know that once Krishna makes up his mind, nobody can change it. As their elder, it is my duty to look after them. Please accept me as your disciple so that I can stay here with my brothers and look after them.” The Acharya smiled and said, “You know that is not possible!” “Why not?” “Because you are the crown prince of Dwarka. If I accept you as a disciple, I am sure your father King Vasudeva will also renounce Dwarka and then there will be nobody to look after it. Moreover, since all this will happen because of me, I will have no choice but to leave this ashram as penance and then, even this place will be orphaned!” He was silent for a while and then turned towards Krishna. “I have already taught you all that I could. Now, I want the three of you to return and live my teachings in your every day life.” The three of them bent down to touch Acharya’s feet and said, “So be it!”

I was ecstatic beyond words. How would have I faced Rukmini and the others if I had not succeeded in bringing Krishna back? I knew that to get Krishna to do anything against his will was impossible and no one knows what goes on within his head, but thank god, my stratagem worked and now all of us were riding back to Dwarka. I looked at him lovingly and asked, “But what made you leave Dwarka in this manner?” “I do not know for sure myself,” he replied. “Perhaps, it is not in my nature to remain in any one place. Besides, all the events in Hastinapur had left me deeply disturbed. More than the events, I could not reconcile myself to what it revealed about human nature. How could

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a person like Yudhisthira get so carried away in a game of dice that he disgraces himself, his brothers and his wife and then goes on to lose everything all over again? How could such wise men like Bhishma and Vidura let Draupadi be humiliated in their presence? How could the courageous Bhima and Arjuna mortgage their sense of honour to a false sense of loyalty towards their brother? How could a brave and honorable man like Karna utter the words that he did?” “Perhaps,” he went on, “the most important mystery of existence lies in the minds and hearts of human beings. It is to solve some of these riddles and find some peace for my self that I decided to go to Acharya Angiras.” I kept looking at him as he was talking. Beneath the divinity, I saw a tender and soft human being. I embraced him tightly. For once, my characteristic loud laughter deserted me and I had tears in my eyes.

I decided not to enter the city and camped just outside Hastinapur. Hopefully, that stupid Duryodhana would get the message. I could not figure out what was wrong with this man. He must be out of his mind if he thought that he could imprison Krishna’s son Shambh and get away with it. Shambh had been upset that Duryodhana did not invite the Yadavas for the swayamvara ceremony of his daughter Lakshmanaa, and without consulting any of us, had abducted Lakshmanaa. Understandably, Duryodhana was furious and sent his entire army led by stalwarts like Karna, after that single youth. They managed to capture Shambh and Lakshmanaa but then, instead of thinking about the whole episode calmly, Duryodhana decided to imprison Shambh, foolishly believing that it would give him an upper hand vis a vis Krishna! The stupid arrogant fellow did not realize that, had it not been for me, by now he would have been a dead man. What a difficult time I had restraining Krishna! He was completely ready to attack Hastinapur to secure the release of his son. It was only after I requested him to let me handle the situation that he relented.

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“Sir, King Duryodhana has sent a messenger to you,” my orderly informed me. “Send him in.” The messenger appeared with folded hands and said, “King Duryodhana will feel honoured if you were to accept his invitation to enter the city and stay with him at his palace. It will give him an opportunity to show the deep respect that he has for you.” “Go and tell your king that I have not come here to enjoy his hospitality. I have come here to secure the release of my dear nephew and till that happens, I can enter the city only as an enemy and not as a friend!” Soon after the messenger had left, Duryodhana himself came to me. He touched my feet and said, “Gurudev, why are you so angry with this devoted disciple of yours?” “What else do you expect? How could you dare to imprison my dear nephew?” “But it was his fault, he abducted my daughter!” “Don’t forget that you started the whole process by not inviting the Yadavas to your daughter’s swayamvara. In any case, now that you know that Lakshmanaa herself wants to marry Shambh, why are you unnecessarily flirting with danger?” “What do you mean?” “Had I not intervened, you would have been dead by now. Do you think you can withstand Krishna’s wrath?” “I am not scared of any one and certainly not of that cowherd!” “Don’t forget your teacher is also a cowherd and by insulting his younger brother you are in fact insulting your own Gurudev! If you believe that you can stand up to Krishna then even God can’t help you. Have you forgotten the fate of Shishupala, Jarasandha and that Pondurak who had the audacity to call himself Vasudev?” Duryodhana was silent. After a pause, I went on. “Here was an excellent opportunity for you to mend your fences with Krishna and

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you have managed to convert it into a calamity. Do you realize how beneficial it can be for you if your daughter is married to his son?” “I am not sure that it will make any difference. His fondness for Pandavas is so great that he will always support them against us.” “You are wrong. Krishna will only support the side which he believes is upholding dharma. However, through this marital alliance you can at least balance the issue of familial loyalty.” “Gurudev, I will do as you direct me, but please consider one request of mine.” “No! No preconditions! You must release Shambh immediately!” “It is not a pre-condition. And of course, I will not only release Shambh but also arrange for his marriage with Lakshmanaa. But, as your favourite and most beloved disciple, I seek one favour from you.” “What?” “Assure me that in the event of a war between us and the Pandavas, you will be on our side.” “I cannot promise you that, because under no circumstance can Krishna and I be on opposite sides. The best I can do is to give you my word that I will not fight against you.” “That is enough for me.” He touched my feet and left. I was left with mixed feelings. On one hand, I was happy that I had succeeded in securing Shambh’s release and had also managed to protect Duryodhana from Krishna’s wrath. On the other hand, I was uneasy about the “word” that I had given to Duryodhana. “What made me do that?” I asked myself. It was not really necessary because Duryodhana would have done as I asked, in any case. I also started wondering whether, irrespective of my promise to him, I would have the heart to fight against him. What did he really mean to me? Was it just my fondness for a devoted disciple or was there some thing more?

CHAPTER 7

Bhima Speaks

We had been in the forest for several years after leaving Hastinapur. Mother Kunti stayed back with uncle Vidura, while all the wives, except Draupadi, had gone to their parental homes along with their children. Subhadra and her son Abhimanyu were in Dwarka and Draupadi’s five sons were in Panchala, all being trained by Draupadi’s brother, Drishtadyumna for the inevitable combat with the Kauravas. Yudhisthira kept himself busy with discourses on the intricacies of dharma with the large retinue of sages who had accompanied us, for which I had little patience. Arjuna had gone up north in pursuit of celestial weapons. We all missed him, especially Draupadi. While she was married to all five of us, and had never given anyone any cause to complain, I knew that secretly, she pined only for Arjuna. However, a new intimacy had started to develop between her and me. I think I am the only one who truly understood the intensity of her rage at the humiliation which she suffered in the Kuru assembly in Hastinapur. Between her and me, we kept reminding Yudhisthira of that dreadful event, lest the pacifist in him deter him from the task ahead. I suspect this was also the primary reason that mother Kunti chose to stay back. Perhaps her presence in Hastinapur would be a constant reminder to Yudhisthira of the scores to be settled there. One day, when Draupadi and I were sitting and chatting, a beautiful flower was swept in by the wind and dropped in front of us. “Bhima, what a lovely flower! It has such divine fragrance and it seems to be covered in gold!” “Yes. I wonder where it came from.”

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“It seems to have come from the north-east, Oh! how I wish I had a hundred such flowers so that I could make a garland out of them to welcome Arjuna when he returns!” Having said this, she was a little awkward, not knowing how I would react to this reference to Arjuna. But I did not mind at all. I got up and started walking in the direction from which the flower had come. “Where are you going?” she asked. “Your wish is my command. You wait here and I will bring thousands of such flowers for you!” “Don’t be silly. It was just a momentary whim!” “I wish you knew what the smallest of your whims means to me,” I said and quickly began my journey.

I followed the scent of the flowers and charged ahead like a hurricane, unmindful of the wild animals and thick undergrowth of the forest. Soon, I encountered an enormous old monkey-like creature lying in my path. “Get away. I am in great hurry!” “This path leads to the golden city of King Kubera and no living creature is allowed to pass this way. I am here to guard this pathway,” responded the creature, meekly. I laughed aloud. “You think an old, frail creature like you can stop the mighty Bhima? Get lost and let me go!” “Why don’t you jump over me and go?” “I can easily do that but my code of honour prevents me from jumping over a creature, particularly an old and helpless fellow like you”. “You can see I am old and unable to move. Be kind enough and move my tail a little bit, so that your path is clear.”

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“What a stubborn creature,” I muttered to myself as I bent down to move his tail. But try as I might, using all my strength, I just could not move that tail by even a fraction of an inch. Suddenly, it dawned on me that this monkey was no ordinary creature. I folded my hands, touched his feet and said, “Revered sir, who are you? I am sure you are not any ordinary creature!” He got up, laughed aloud and said, “At last you have recognized your elder brother! I am Hanuman, the devotee of lord Rama and just like you, the son of Wind-god.” “How fortunate I am to meet my elder brother like this!” I touched his feet again and requested him to show me the magical form which had enabled him to cross the mighty ocean in one giant leap. He obliged and soon he had become so large that I could see nothing but him. I felt like a tiny speck of dust in his presence. He then returned to his normal size and said, “Now go! Take this path and it will lead you to your destination, but never forget that your elder brother is a primate and no matter how strong you are, in front of primal energy, you are nothing!” “When will I see you again?” I asked. “In the great war, I will assist you by my presence on your younger brother Arjuna’s flag!” “Why there?” “Because it is only when primal energy combines with human endeavour, which Arjuna embodies, in the divine presence of Lord Krishna that success and well-being for all is achieved!” I am not sure that I fully understood the import of what he said at the time, but I was in too much of a hurry to think about it and quickly resumed my journey after saying good bye to him.

Soon, I reached the gates of the golden city and could see the pond with thousands of beautiful, golden lotus flowers.

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“Who are you and what are you doing here?” asked the guard. “I am Bhima, the second Pandava, and I have come to collect some of these beautiful flowers for my wife,” I replied coolly. “Do you think they are your father’s property?” he said disdainfully. “They belong to our king, the great Kubera!” “Fine, then take me to him and I will seek his permission to take some of these flowers. I am sure he will not refuse me.” “Ha, ha! As though you are lord Indra himself and our king is just waiting to receive you with a red carpet! Run, if you care for your life!” “How dare you threaten me like this? Come forward, if you want to test your prowess against the might of Bhima!” Saying this, I caught hold of him by his neck, grabbed his arms and threw him on the ground with such ferocity that the rest of the guards fled immediately. Having taken care of the guards, I jumped straight into the pond and started to pluck the flowers when a new set of soldiers descended upon me. A fierce battle ensued and we fought for several hours. I had managed to eliminate most of them when I heard my brother Yudhisthira’s voice, “Stop it, Bhima!” Apparently he, Draupadi and my two younger brothers had come all this way looking for me. Seeing the carnage before him, Yudhisthira chastised me. “Why are you killing these innocent people unnecessarily?” “Innocent people? You should have heard the way they were talking to me. Besides, they were stopping me from fulfilling the desire of my beloved.” “They were only doing their duty and surely your beloved’s desire is not more important than lives of so many people.” “You forget, elder brother, that even the great lord Rama chased the golden deer to fulfill his wife’s desire!” “And what happened as a result of that? You seem to have forgotten the misery and destruction which was caused by that one single whim.”

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We were about to get into our usual argument when King Kubera appeared on the scene. He greeted us warmly and enquired about the disturbance. I explained the situation to him and he was extremely understanding about the entire affair. “My people should have informed me about this matter. If I had only known that Queen Draupadi desired these flowers, I would have gladly sent the entire lot to her. In any case, please keep all the flowers. I would also like to offer a small gift of one lac golden coins to Queen Draupadi”. “No, no! I can’t possibly accept that. Dharmaraj is right, I should have more control over my desires,” said Draupadi. I was a little peeved by her statement, but before I could say anything Kubera intervened. “Lady, I have already gifted them to you, and I will feel terrible if you refuse to accept my gift. Please take it and do with it as you wish” “I appreciate your generosity, Your Highness, and cannot think of displeasing you. However, I would like to see all this wealth used for the benefit of all the tribals who live in the forests surrounding your great city.” “Splendid idea,” said Kubera, with exaggerated courtesy and in a slightly patronizing manner. “I myself have been thinking about how to bring the civilized city dwellers and primitive tribals closer to each other. Now that you suggest it, I will take some concrete steps in this direction and would like some help and guidance from the great Bhima.” “Why me?” I was totally taken aback. “Because no one represents the integration between the civilized Aryans and the primitive tribals better than you, my dear Bhima! Isn’t your marriage to the tribal Hidimbi a living proof of that? Your alliance with her, in my view, is on par with that of the great sage Vishwamitra and the tribal Shambari.” I didn’t know whether he was praising me or mocking me. I had never seen my marriage with Hidimbi in such exalted terms, for me

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it was nothing more than two human beings liking each other and wanting to live together. Nevertheless, all this profound stuff coming right after my encounter with brother Hanuman made me a little uneasy and made me think. For me, life had been a simple matter of fulfilling one’s appetites, looking after one’s loved ones and taking care of evil doers like Duryodhana and Duhsasana. Was there something that I was missing here?

It was a totally new experience for me. I always enjoyed food more than anything else, but now I learned that feeding others can be an equally enjoyable experience. As per the terms of our bet, the thirteenth year of exile had to be spent incognito. After great deliberation, we picked on Virata, the last place Duryodhana would expect us to be in. Elder brother Yudhisthira, who was called Kanka, became a companion-cum-advisor to the king. Nakula was looking after the king’s stable and Sahadeva looked after the cows. I was called Ballabha and had been appointed the chief cook in the king’s kitchen. But the funniest disguise was that of Arjuna who, as eunuch Brihanalla, taught dance to the king’s daughter Uttara and her friends. Imagine his plight—being surrounded by so many beautiful women and having to act as a eunuch! I hoped that he would be able keep up the pretense. Draupadi was called Sairindhari and she had been taken into the services of the queen who was mighty pleased with her because with all her skills, Draupadi has made the queen look a lot younger and much more beautiful. Even the king spent a lot more time with his wife those days. Though Draupadi had taken ample care to keep herself out of lime light, the talk of her immense beauty started doing the rounds. Since this could spell potential trouble, we planted the story that she was constantly guarded by celestial forces which were friends of her husband. By and large, this worked well till queen’s brother Kichaka, who was also the commander in chief, returned to the city. Everyone

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knew of Kichaka’s power and influence in the kingdom, even the king was somewhat scared of him.

On that fateful day, Draupadi came running to me, sobbing uncontrollably. “Oh my god! Why did I have to see this day—being disgraced like this!” “What happened?” I asked. “The queen asked me to take some wine to that lecherous Kichaka and the fellow started misbehaving with me. All my pleadings, protests and threats of celestial powers fell on deaf ears. Somehow, I managed to extricate myself and ran away, but the wicked man chased me right upto the palace. I went into the king’s court and found him playing dice with Kanka. Can you believe what Kanka said to me?” “What?” “He merely glanced at me casually and told me that it was no place for a lady to be in and that I should just go back into the inner chamber. And then, he coolly went back to his game! I wonder if anything ever affects Dharmaraj!” “I think that was rather clever of him, allowing you to escape without precipitating a crisis. In any case, the king is helpless in front of this Kichaka!” “I know all that, but it does not solve my problem. What am I to do with Kichaka who is getting bolder by the day?” “I can, of course, kill him but that may jeopardise our anonymity.” “No, no, we can not risk that. We have to find another way.” I thought for a while and then an idea struck me. I told her, “Go without worry. Just be nice to Kichaka and then invite him to your room to-night.”

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“What do you mean?” she asked anxiously. I winked at her saying, “Do as I tell you and leave the rest to me.” Finally the penny dropped. She smiled at me and left.

That night, when Kichaka entered Sairindhari’s room, he found the lights were dim, there was a fragrant smell of incense and beautiful flowers, and a decorated bed on which he saw a woman lying with her head turned away. “How very romantic,” he muttered to himself and made his amorous advances. Poor fellow—he did not know what hit him when I grabbed him by his neck, threw him down and sat on top of his chest. He tried to fight me but was no match for me and soon he was dead. I left immediately.

The next morning the entire city was abuzz with the news of Kichaka’s death. It not only brought tremendous relief to the common people who had suffered merciless oppression from him, it also let the king breathe easy. And, of course, it lent further credence to the story about Sairindhari’s celestial protectors. However, while the story helped in diverting attention from us, it created another complication. Kichaka’s brothers and supporters started claiming that Sairindhari was possessed by evil spirits and hence must be cremated along with Kichaka as she was responsible for his death. The king was unable to put his foot down and stop this nonsense and we had another crisis at hand. I consulted Sahadeva. “What should we do? Should we get our celestial weapons from their hiding place and declare war against these wretched people?” “If we do that, our real identity will be revealed and the thirteenth year has not ended so far,” he replied.

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“You are right, but we have to do some thing!” I thought for a while and then added, “Do one thing, take your cows to graze in the forest near the funeral ground and ask our other three brothers to accompany you as ordinary cowherds. All of you carry only ordinary weapons with you. I will take care of the rest.” I wore a suitable disguise and sat atop a tree under which the funeral procession was to pass. Soon, hundreds of people came by, beating drums and shouting curses at Sairindhari who had been tied to Kichaka’s dead body. Just as they reached the spot where I was, I jumped upon them with such ferocity that they were totally taken by surprise. There was huge commotion and every body started running in utter panic. My brothers, who were hiding near by, started dragging them into the forest and killed them with ease. The first thing I did was to untie Sairindhari so that she could leave in safety, and then I started demolishing Kichaka’s supporters with great relish. Soon, we were all back at our respective stations in the city. There were only a few days left for our thirteen year ordeal to end, after which we would be able to reclaim our rightful dues, though I wasn’t too sure that the wicked Duryodhana would let us have them very easily.

CHAPTER 8

Duryodhana Speaks

The war was now virtually a certainty. No one had expected the feeble attempts at reconciliation to yield any result and predictably, they did not. Krishna, who had come as an emissary of the Pandavas, demanded that since the Pandavas had completed their thirteen years of exile, their part of the kingdom should be restored to them. I argued that in fact the Pandavas had been identified within the thirteenth year and hence must go through another cycle of exile. Further, the Pandavas had lost their kingdom, fair and square, in a game of dice and so there was no question of their getting even a needle point of land from us. Krishna, of course, disputed this and insisted that the Pandavas had been identified only after completion of the thirteenth year, and that it was understood that on their return, their part of the kingdom would be returned to them. We argued for a while and then Krishna, as is his wont, started preaching dharma to me on the one hand and threatening me with prowess of Arjuna and Bhima on the other. This was too much for me to take and in a moment of rashness, I tried to capture and kill him right there. That was not a very smart thing for me to do. Not only did Krishna manage to escape, but it strengthened the myth of his divinity and invincibility. The old fogies like the grandsire and uncle Vidura never let go of any opportunity to wax eloquent about Krishna’s divinity which only frightened my poor old father and demoralized the rest. There was nothing worse than being surrounded by people whose loyalties were with the enemy, but such was my lot. I could not even get rid of them, for it might have created large scale dissension

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and internal strife. In order to keep everyone together, I had no choice but to suffer these fools.

While Karna and I were confident of getting the better of Pandavas in the war, not many shared our optimism. One day, mother Gandhari summoned me to her chamber and said, “I believe you refused Krishna’s offer for a settlement and even tried to kill him.” “I had no other choice, considering the way he was talking and the airs he was putting on, as though all of us are at the mercy of his prowess and his sense of Dharma which, for some reason, is always in favour of the Pandavas and always against me!” “I am not concerned with any of that. All I know is that you are all that I have and I do not like the path you have chosen, especially the animosity with Krishna.” “Why are all of you so worried about Krishna? You may think of him as God, but for me he is nothing more than a manipulative cowherd!” “Now you are talking like your uncle who seems to have filled you with poison!” “You seem to be forgetting that my uncle is also your brother and it is you who entrusted me to his care!” “That was my mistake, but it is still not too late for you to mend your ways. After all, they are only asking for five villages. Why don’t you give it to them so that we can all live in peace?” “It is not a question of five villages. The issue is my sense of honour. How can I give away something over which they have no right? I am a kshatriya and it is my duty to protect every inch of land that I possess. I cannot let them have even a needle point of land and be constantly reminded of their presence and their so called legitimate claim. I want them out of my life, period.”

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“The easiest way to do that will be to focus on what you have rather than worry about what they have or don’t have. Look at it this way— you have a great and prosperous kingdom, doting parents, loving and devoted wives, children, brothers and subjects. What more do you want? Why can’t you be satisfied and contented with all this?” “Because I like to be discontent!” I shouted back. “Because I am not one of those who simply moan about their bad luck! If fate has been cruel to me, I have to take matters into my own hand and do the best that I can!” I abruptly turned and walked away before she could say any thing.

Once the war had become inevitable, both sides were busy trying to put together their respective alliances. Though I didn’t expect much help from the Yadavas, with the possible exception of Balarama, I still thought it prudent to visit Dwarka. I knew that Balarama would not entertain me until I had made my peace with Krishna, so I decided to visit him first. When I reached Krishna’s chamber, I found him reclining on his bed with his eyes closed. Whether he was actually asleep or only pretending, I will never know. In any case, I took a chair near his head and waited patiently. Shortly thereafter, Arjuna also arrived and sat near Krishna’s feet. When Krishna opened his eyes, he greeted Arjuna warmly “How nice to see you! What brings you here?” Before Arjuna could respond, I interjected. “Dwarkadhish, I am also here and in fact, I arrived before Arjuna”. “Is that so? But I saw Arjuna first, and in any case, he is younger to you so I must listen to him first.” “Dwarkadhish, as you very well know, our cousins, the Kauravas, have refused to accept our legitimate demands. We were even willing to compromise and arrive at a settlement, but they are not willing to

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budge an inch. Now, the war has become inevitable. I have come to seek your blessings, guidance and support,” said Arjuna. Before Krishna could respond, I butted in again. “But that is precisely the purpose of my visit also and Dwarkadhish, since you have equal family ties with us, you can not refuse me!” “That is quite so,” said Krishna after a while, and then went on, “I cannot refuse either of you. Hence, I propose to divide my help and support in two parts and give one to each of you.” “But how will you decide as to who gets which part?” I asked. “The first choice must be given to Arjuna since I saw him first and also because he is younger.” “In which case you have to ensure that the parts are equitable,” I protested. “I am sure, Duryodhana, you will not have any reason to complain,” he countered and then went on to address Arjuna. “One part will consist of my entire Narayani brigade whose capability and valour is well known to all, and the other part will be me alone. However, I will remain unarmed and will take no direct part in the combat except providing auxiliary services like tending the wounded, participating in discussions and driving the chariot. Take which ever part you wish.” I could barely contain myself. I had not expected any help from Krishna but this was turning out to be much worse. Not only would Arjuna walk away with the entire Narayani brigade, but I would be forced to keep this useless, cunning Krishna in my camp where he would have access to all our plans and secrets. It is bad enough having to cope with the likes of the grandsire and uncle Vidura, now I would also have to tolerate this manipulative cowherd and his inane lectures on dharma! However, I realized that my anxiety was unnecessary because Arjuna, too, was placed in a difficult double bind. In order to lay his

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hands on the Narayani brigade, he would have to desert his friend philosopher and guide. I smiled to myself as Arjuna began to speak with out any hesitation. “All I need is your blessings and guidance. Let Duryodhana have the Narayani brigade. For me, you are enough!” “Then it is settled,” said Krishna and turned towards me. “I hope the arrangement is to your satisfaction.” I could barely contain my excitement, but managed to say with a straight face, “Whatever Dwarkadhish deems fit!”

Next, I went to meet Balarama, and after briefing him about these developments, I sought his support. He replied, “Duryodhana, you know that Krishna and I cannot be on the opposite sides. However, I have also given my word to both you and your daughter that I will not fight against you. Therefore, I have decided to remain neutral and not join either side. I plan to go on a pilgrimage along with some of Krishna’s sons and a few other Yadava chiefs who have also decided to be neutral. I believe Satyaki has decided to fight on the side of Pandavas and Kritavarma on yours. Both you and Pandavas are dear to me and all I can do is to wish both of you well.” “Overall, the Dwarka visit has gone much better than expected,” I said to myself. “Hopefully, it will silence some of the prophets of doom back home.”

The

war had been going on for fourteen days and it had been quite a roller coaster ride. On the whole, things had not gone well for us but it could all have changed the day Karna took on Arjuna in direct combat. If he had managed to get the better of Arjuna, as he should have, then we could still have won inspite of our earlier reverses. The only problem was that Karna had already used up his

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most potent weapon in order to neutralize Bhima’s son Ghatotkacha, but he had no other choice. The havoc that demonic Ghatotkacha unleashed that night would have meant the end for all of us had Karna not killed him.

In fact, our problems began right at the beginning. With the lackluster leadership provided by the grandsire in the first ten days, the Pandavas gained the initial advantage. All my coaxing was met with the same stupid advice, “We are destined to lose, go and make a truce with the Pandavas!” I wish I hadn’t had to make him the generalissimo but I had to do that in order to keep everyone together. The worst part of those ten days was that Karna could not take the field because of the animosity between him and the grandsire. It was only towards the end that the grandsire started showing his true prowess and even at this ripe old age, he was peerless in battle. During those last two days, he fought with such ferocity that there was utter panic in the Pandava ranks and we began to sense victory. But then he spoiled it all by confiding to Pandavas the secret of how to tackle him. Predictably, the next day the Pandavas fielded Draupadi’s brother Shikhandi in battle. Since Shikhandi had been a woman in his previous birth, grandsire, bound by his own code, could not take up arms against him which enabled Arjuna, who was standing behind Shikhandi, to shoot at grandsire and thus, eliminate him from the battle. This was a blessing in disguise because it brought Karna into the equation. Ideally, I would have liked to anoint him generalissimo, but prudence dictated otherwise and I chose our teacher, Dronacharya. While the Acharya also had a soft corner for the Pandavas, particularly for Arjuna, his love for his own son, Ashwatthama, who is one of my closest allies, would make him give a better account of himself. I was proved right as the next few days brought many victories for our side. The crowning glory came on the thirteenth day when we managed to kill Arjuna’s son, Abhimanyu. That day, the Acharya sent a troop of suicide warriors to draw Arjuna away from the battlefield. In the

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meantime, he set up the Cakravyuha formation which only Arjuna knew how to pierce. Apparently, Abhimanyu knew how to enter the Cakravyuha, but did not know how to get out of it. The Pandavas asked him to lead the charge, hoping to back him with reinforcements once he had broken the formation. However, my brother-in-law, Jayadratha, managed to close the Cakravyuha before any help could reach Abhimanyu, thus isolating him. We surrounded him and though he resisted us for a long time, we managed to kill him.

Acharya Drona fought valiantly and was seemingly invincible, and then the Pandavas came up with their dirtiest trick, no doubt at the behest of that cunning cowherd. Bhima killed an elephant named Ashwatthama and started shouting “I have killed Ashwatthama!” Everyone thought he must have killed the Acharya’s son. Acharya Drona just could not believe it and decided to ask Yudhisthira, believing that the Dharmaraj would never lie. But that supposed embodiment of righteous conduct lied through his teeth. “Yes, Ashwatthama has been killed!” To keep up the pretense of his truthfulness, he muttered under his breath, “The animal not the human.” What hypocrisy! Obviously, the rejoinder was not meant for the Acharya’s ears who by then, was so distraught that he threw away his weapons and sat down in his chariot. Seizing the opportunity, the shameless brother of Draupadi, the wicked Drishtadyumna, immediately beheaded the Acharya.

But for all these foul means adopted by the Pandavas, the war would have been long over. Still there was hope, I was sure Karna who was the new chief, would be able to pull it off for us. There was a huge commotion. A messenger came running to me “Sir, Bhima has killed Duhsasana and now he is tearing his limbs and drinking his blood!” I saw red, picked up my mace and ran towards them even as I heard more deafening victory chants from the Pandava camp.

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Another messenger was coming towards me. “Sir, Angaraj Karna has been slain by Arjuna!” “No!!” I screamed. “Yes sir, Angaraj fought bravely and was even getting the better of Arjuna when, unfortunately, his chariot wheel got stuck in the mud. He asked Arjuna for a temporary cease fire till he could repair the wheel. Arjuna agreed, but his charioteer Krishna kept inciting him, “Don’t stop Arjuna! He does not deserve fair play! Have you forgotten how he conspired to kill Abhimanyu when he was all alone? Have you forgotten how he humiliated Draupadi? Go ahead and shoot him through his heart!” And Arjuna did precisely that. “Oof, that cunning cowherd again!” I screamed and slumped to the ground.

For once, I trusted that cunning cowherd and now I have to pay for it with my life. Mother Gandhari had asked me to appear before her without any clothes, and as I was pondering over my dilemma, I had the misfortune of running into that manipulative bastard. Very innocently, he said to me, “I know what your predicament is, but there is a simple solution to it” “What?” I asked. “Go to her with a banana leaf which can cover your private parts. The banana leaf can not be regarded as an item of clothing and hence you can fulfill her command without showing any disrespect to her.” That seemed reasonable enough, but I should have known that when it came to Krishna, nothing was as simple and straight forward as it might have seemed. No wonder mother Gandhari was furious when she took off the blind fold which she had been wearing ever since her marriage to my blind father. “You fool!” she screamed at me. “Why didn’t you do as I had asked? I wanted to make your

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entire body indestructible through the divine powers vested in me. Now the portion of your body covered by the banana leaf will remain vulnerable!” And so it was. In our duel, Bhima kept hitting various parts of my body with no effect, till Krishna gestured to him to attack my thighs, which he did and incapacitated me with one blow. Gurudev Balarama, who had just returned from his pilgrimage and had been appointed the referee for our fight, was furious at this infringement but the blow had already been stuck. He picked up his mace and shouted at Bhima, “How dare you hit your opponent below the belt? I am going to finish you off right here!” I am sure he would have done precisely that but Krishna intervened. “Dau, Bhima has done no wrong. It is Kauravas who started flouting all the rules of fair warfare. Besides, Bhima had taken an oath to break Duryodhana’s thighs after that wretched dice game. How can a kshatriya not fulfill his oath?” Balarama was not convinced but what could he do, other than leave in a huff. Now I am lying here with my shattered thighs and wondering if anyone at all has been left on our side. One by one, I have seen them being vanquished—all my brothers, my dearest friend Karna, Guru Drona, uncle Shakuni, brother-in-law Jayadratha, and thousands of allies and common soldiers.

I hear footsteps. As I look up I see Ashwatthama, Kripacharya and Kritavarma standing besides me. Ashwatthama is crying “Oh, my dear friend! What have they done to you? I will not let this go un-avenged. Give me the orders, my lord, and I shall make them pay for it!” I quietly anoint Ashwatthama the next commander-in chief and say to him, “I have lived my life like a true kshatriya and I am sure I will go to heaven but before leaving this earth, I want to see complete destruction of the Pandava clan.’

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“It shall be so!” he says and they leave. I lie on the ground wondering whether my wish to see the destruction of Pandavas will ever be fulfilled, a wish which has been more important than anything else, including my own life.

It is nearing mid-night and I can hear the wild animals approaching cautiously, no doubt with the intention of feasting on my body. Suddenly, I hear loud voices coming from a distance. I drag myself over with some difficulty and see a huge ball of fire rising not too far away. I can feel people running and hear them shouting. It seems the Pandava camp has been set on fire, so my friend Ashwatthama seems to have fulfilled his promise. At last, fortune has smiled on me. At the very end of my life, my greatest mission is being accomplished. The Pandavas are no more. Hopefully, the entire clan has been destroyed. With great sense of relief and satisfaction, I see the fire raging some distance away and experience a gradual dousing of the fire which has been raging inside me for decades. “Are you happy now?” I hear a soft murmur beside me. “Who are you?” I ask. “Don’t you recognize me? I am Suyodhana—your other half, the person you had strangled and put inside the dungeons of your heart, surrounded by this raging fire. Now that fire has been doused, I managed to creep out.” “Oh! It is you, the person who tried to put all kinds of obstacles in my path.” “You always thought of me as your enemy, didn’t you?” “There was no reason to think otherwise. You always seemed to agree with all those old fogies who were constantly opposing me.” “And kept warning you against your so called friends like uncle Shakuni,” he interjected.

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“Why do you say ‘so called’? Uncle Shakuni was the only one who tried to support and guide me. With out him, I may have been dead long ago.” “And then, maybe I could have lived. But I didn’t want to live without you. I always wanted to befriend you but you kept pushing me away.” “What else could I do? If you had your way, you would have made me like that self-righteous hypocrite Yudhisthira.” “Why are you so angry with him? He was always affectionate and considerate towards you, and he never tried to harm you in any manner.” “Excuse me! That hypocrite was affectionate and considerate towards me? You must be out of your mind! Of course, he always managed to utter the politically right things, but when it came to the crunch, he conveniently forgot all his dharma. Have you forgotten how he lied to Acharya Drona and caused his death?” “His one half-truth you remember but what about all his other actions? Have you forgotten that it was he who sent Bhima and Arjuna to rescue you when you had been captured by the yakshas in the forest? After all that you had done to the Pandavas, one would have expected him to rejoice at your plight, but in stead he not only sympathized with you but even saved your life. But for him, you would have been dead a long time ago!” “Have you come here only to praise my enemies? And then you claim that you want to befriend me! Please go away, I don’t want to listen to this nonsense any more.” “No, I have not come here to praise Yudhisthira, or any one else. I have only come to ask you why you have been so cruel and contemptuous towards me. After all I am a part of you, aren’t I?” “I wish you weren’t. Of what use is a puny, whining and weak fellow like you to me? Or to any body else, for that matter?”

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Suyodhana keeps quiet for a long time and then starts to speak again. Now his tone is a lot more self-assured “You know, I used to think just like that. In fact, I used to envy you for your strength and all the kudos which you received. Everyone, and especially our father, loved you so much more and only scorned at me. But now I know better.” I am taken by surprise and ask him to explain himself. He starts replying in the same self-assured and measured tone. “I saw how unhappy you really were. You had every thing—a prosperous kingdom, loving wives, devoted brothers and children, loyal friends like Karna and Ashwatthama and such wise men to counsel you. But I never saw you enjoying any of this. I always found you angry, restless, distraught and anguished.” “That’s true,” I meekly acknowledge. “But how could I be happy with those Pandavas always on my back?” “And who put them on your back?” he asks softly. “I don’t know that. All I know is that ever since they came into Hastinapur, the very sight of them infuriated me. Their presence made me so restless that nothing else mattered. Perhaps my hatred for them was stronger than my love for anything or any body else.” “Do you realize that the hatred which possessed you was not just yours? You also had to carry the burden of other people’s demons.” “Like?” “Like that of our father’s frustrated ambitions and rage at having been denied the kingdom because of his blindness. Like that of our mother’s anguish at having been tricked into marrying a blind man and then losing out to aunt Kunti in providing the eldest heir of the next generation. Like that of uncle Shakuni’s humiliation at having to live in Hastinapur as a poor relative, and his immense hatred for the entire Kuru clan. You became the most readily available channel for expression of so many people’s rage and hatred.”

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“But they all loved me, didn’t they?” “Yes, they did but only in the way that they could. After all, we are all limited and often in the name of love, we pass on our demons to those who we think we love. Father merely indulged you in the name of love because that is the only form of love that he can give either to himself or to any one else. Mother was far too preoccupied with her own demons and hence, could never see you as a person in your own right. Later in life, she did realize her folly, but having handed you over to her brother, uncle Shakuni, she could not reclaim you. It was just too late.” “What about Bhanu? Didn’t she love me?” “She did, but the only way that she could express it was through abject surrender. Perhaps, that is the way you wanted it, too. After all, she is no Draupadi who could hold her own and even if she had been one, you would not have known what to do with her except to humiliate her and try to impose your will upon her. That is the only way you know to love—to possess, and devour the other.” “What about Karna?” I ask. “Perhaps he was the only person who had any real empathy for you. After all, who better than him could understand the pathos of a warrior who knows that he is destined to lose? And who better than him could understand what it means to wrestle with demons inside one self? To an extent, he was luckier than you, for he had to deal only with his own demons and will have the consolation of being remembered as a loyal friend and a large hearted generous man. But you, my dear brother, who became the playfield for everyone’s demons, will only be remembered as evil incarnate—the eternal villain. It is bad enough to have to carry the burden of one’s own villainy but those who also have to carry the burden of others’ villainy are most miserable. The day I realized this, I stopped envying you and began to feel sorry for you.” “Go away!” I scream at him. “I can’t take this any longer!” His voice becomes extremely soft and tender.

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“Even in this moment, you cannot acknowledge your own pain, hurt and wounds. After all, a life-long habit of converting your pain into rage and anger cannot be given up so easily” Suyodhana pauses and then goes on. “In one respect, you are better off than me. As an eternal villain, you will at least be remembered. On the other hand, I will fade into oblivion. History will forget my very existence and will know both of us only through you.” A strange feeling begins to engulf me—it is not anguish or rage or hatred or despair or shame or self-pity, I do not know what name to give it. Perhaps it is what people call unadulterated sorrow, but I will never know because it is some thing I never allowed to come any where near me. I close my eyes, perhaps for the last time.

CHAPTER 9

Bhima Speaks

We had won the war but everyone was sad and depressed. The battlefield was littered with dead bodies. I did not know how I would ever be able to face Hidimbi. Ghatotkacha was all that she had and now even he was gone. Whatever solace we could have derived from our victory was ruined by that wicked Ashwatthama on that dreadful last night. By setting our entire camp on fire, he not only killed all five of Draupadi’s sons but also her brothers. It was so painful to see her expressionless face and stony eyes. He had even hurled a deadly weapon at the fetus growing inside Uttara’s womb, but somehow Krishna managed to save it. Now, Abhimanyu’s offspring will be all that’s left to carry forward our lineage. We had assembled together to perform the last rites for all the dead, when mother Kunti said to Yudhisthira, “You have to perform last rites for Karna, too. He was your eldest brother.” “What!” screamed all five of us in unison, far too shocked to say anything more. “Krishna! Please explain to them,” she said softly and leaned on his shoulder. “Yes, it is true,” Krishna began to explain. “Before her marriage, your mother had received a boon from sage Durvasa that she could summon any god to impregnate her. She could not resist the temptation of testing the boon and summoned the Sun god. Thus, Karna was born, but in order to avoid the embarrassment of being an unwed mother, she put the new born into a basket and left him to the flow

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of the river. The baby was found by the charioteer Adhiratha and his wife Radha, who brought him up.” “But why didn’t you share this secret earlier?” shouted the otherwise calm Yudhisthira. “Do you realize how much bloodshed your secret has caused? And that we now carry the guilt of having killed our own elder brother? I curse all of womankind—never again will they be able to keep a secret!” “Don’t be ridiculous, Yudhisthira!” interjected Krishna. “You can not hold her responsible for this carnage. In fact, both she and I did the best that we could to avert this situation. We even shared this truth with Karna and tried to persuade him to come to our side, but he was bound by his sense of honour and loyalty to Duryodhana. Let me also tell you that he could have easily killed any of you but had given his word to your mother that other than Arjuna, he would not kill any of her sons.” “What ever it may be, Janardhana, I can not bear the guilt of having caused my elder brother’s death. In any case, after seeing all this carnage, my heart is no longer in this material world and I have decided to renounce it and devote the rest of my life to spiritual pursuit.” said Yudhisthira. “That is the most cowardly thing that I have heard,” I butted in. “After being a part of so much destruction, you don’t want to face its consequences.” “No Bhima, you don’t understand, I am only responding to the calling of my dharma,” he said. “Elder brother, I may not understand all the intricacies of dharma but I do know that your dharma is not in renunciation, but is in ruling over this kingdom in a just and noble way. After all the suffering and destruction of the war, this kingdom needs your wisdom and leadership to rebuild itself and to restore the well-being of its people.” Arjuna, Nakula and Sahadeva also joined me, but none of us could make any impression on Yudhisthira. Finally, of course, it was Krishna

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who managed to convince Yudhisthira to change his mind. Not that Krishna said anything new, but at least the Dharmaraj listened to him and finally agreed.

Then came the most difficult part—the task of returning to Hastinapur and facing uncle Dhritarashtra and aunt Gandhari. Krishna led the way but it was Yudhisthira who approached uncle first. Touching his feet, he said in a voice choking with tears, “Uncle, please forgive me and my brothers. I know we have caused a great deal of pain and anguish, but please believe me, I am feeling equally distressed and miserable about the events of last couple of weeks.” “Son, don’t distress yourself, you and your brothers are as dear to me as my own sons were. I know that whatever happened is not your fault and bear no ill-will towards you. Where is my favourite son Bhima?” I was surprised by this unexpected proclamation of affection towards me, but before I could respond, Krishna pushed a metallic replica of me in front of uncle Dhritrashtra and said, “Here he is!” Uncle Dhritarashtra embraced the statue with such ferocity that it was shattered into several small pieces. Immediately, he started sobbing and broke down “Oh my God! What have I done? I am such a wretched fellow, I have killed my own dear nephew.” “Don’t worry sir,” Krishna intervened. “Bhima is absolutely safe. I had suspected that the anguish and rage that you have suffered will be unleashed on Bhima, and I decided to protect him from your wrath. Now that your rage has been spent, it is absolutely safe for you to embrace Bhima. Bhima, please come forward and pay your respects to your uncle.”

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I did so, but not with out some unease. “It is true that most of the Kauravas have been killed by me, but am I the only one to blame for this carnage?” I asked myself.

The next stop was aunt Gandhari’s chamber. She received all of us warmly but reserved her wrath for the great man himself. “Krishna, I can forgive everyone else but not you. You are allknowing, all-powerful. I am sure if you had wanted, you could have averted this disaster. But you chose not to. By any good that I may have done, I curse you that your entire clan will be annihilated in the same manner as mine have been.” Krishna remained calm. He touched her feet and said, “The words of a pious woman like you cannot go in vain. I am sure what ever you have said will come true.” Aunt Gandhari immediately regained her composure. “Oh! Janardhana, please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me. I wish that my curse does not come true!” “But it will,” said Krishna. “Your prophecy has not been made with any malice but is only an expression of your deep anguish, which I fully understand.” I marveled at his tranquility and asked him as we are leaving, “How could you remain so calm in face of such a terrible prophecy?” He smiled and said, “Strength, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, comes with its own price tag. I am sure you have enough experience of that yourself.”

CHAPTER 10

Balarama Speaks

“Who is it?” I ask sleepily. “It’s me.” “Me—who?” “Don’t you recognize your Kanha, Dau?” “My Kanha! My Kanha was left behind in Vrindavan a long time ago, my Kanha got lost in the great Krishna—the upholder of dharma.” “Wasn’t your Kanha also an upholder of dharma?” “He was, but his dharma I could understand and relate to. It was simple and straight forward. It wasn’t as devious and complex as the dharma of great Krishna, which only he could comprehend. My Kanha’s dharma did not lead to mass destruction and the killing of near and dear ones.” “Your Kanha also killed his own maternal uncle, King Kansa.” “He did, but that is because Kansa was evil.” “And Duryodhana?” “Duryodhana wasn’t evil!” I yell. “He may have been foolish and may have done many things which he should not have, but how could you forget that he was also my favourite disciple? How could you forget that he was the father-in-law of your own son? But you have always been like that—heartless and uncaring, having other people attached to you but yourself remaining totally detached. Feelings of people who were close to you never made any difference to you. At least, mine didn’t.”

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“How can you say that? Did I ever disobey you?” “No, you didn’t, but you also never did as I wished.” “Then there must have been a gap between your wishes and your commands.” “Don’t trap me into this play of words. I have never been very good at it, as you well know. I am not half as wise as you are. I am a simple man and all I know is that you have been the most important person for me, a feeling which you never reciprocated. For you, there were always others—first it was Uddhava, then Sudama, then Satyaki, and then of course, your darling Arjuna and the rest of the Pandavas.” “I know that you have suffered a lot, but it was you who deserted me.” “What do you mean?” I was totally perplexed by his statement. “Did you ever ask yourself how all the people opposed to me find a refuge in you, whether it was Akrur or Kritavarma or Shambh or Duryodhana? They all went to you the moment they had a problem with me.” “I did not do any of it on purpose or to oppose you.” “I know that. In fact, I wish that your love for me was not so pure, that it had left some space for your resentment and anger also.” “Resentment and anger towards you? No Kanha! I can’t even think about it!” “Dau, your resentment and anger was only natural. Since you did not own it, others did and made full use of it. That is precisely why you became a pawn in the hands of all the forces which opposed me.” I can’t bear to listen to this. Is this what my Kanha really thinks? Crestfallen and dumbfounded, I sit back and several images begin to flash in front of my eyes. I am transported back to Gokul, where a three year old is desperately trying to catch the attention of mother Yashoda while she is totally engrossed in Krishna. For the first time, I shed a silent tear for that child. I see an adolescent in Guru Sandipan’s

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ashram, who is mournfully watching his younger brother busy with his cousin Uddhava and friend Sudama. I hear his silent scream, “Why don’t you leave all of them and just be with me?” I see a middle aged man gnashing his teeth in impotent rage as he learns that his sister Subhadra preferred to elope with his younger brother’s friend rather than marry the groom chosen by him. Gradually, the mist begins to clear in front of my eyes and I start speaking softly. “I see what you mean. Perhaps it is my fault. Only, if I had realized it earlier, the altercation between Satyaki and Kritavarma could have been averted and the Yadava clan saved.” “Don’t blame yourself unnecessarily, Dau. It was not your doing. Don’t you see that the Yadavas had to be destroyed because they had abandoned the path of Dharma? It has nothing to do with either you or me. Both of us are only instruments for fulfillment of the grand, divine design. We may fool ourselves into believing that we are the cause of good or evil, but actually we are not. The grand design unfolds by its own logic and has its own inevitabilities. You know, many people think that I am God. The reality is that I am quite content to be human, accept the limitations of my will and bow before the inevitabilities of the grand design. You think I don’t suffer? I also suffered when you moved away from me on several occasions, I also suffered when my darling Abhimanyu was killed in the war and when I heard of Draupadi’s humiliation in the Kuru assembly. But unlike you, I don’t fight my suffering; I don’t try to impose my will on the divine design. I simply bow down and accept whatever it has to offer me. Dau, the source of all adharma lies in man’s desire to become God and that is what I have tried to avoid all my life.” I begin to see his actions and choices in a new light. I feel one with him after a long time and hold him in a tight embrace. Slowly, I begin to speak again. “Whatever you say, Kanha, is absolutely right but there is more to it. I don’t think I wanted to be a god as much as I wanted to be an elder brother to someone I knew was bigger

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than me in every respect. Can you feel the pain of my situation—older in age but smaller in all other aspects? I always had to toe your line and I could not even resent you for it because I knew that you are so much wiser. Even when I protested, we both knew that they were merely posturing and that eventually, you would have your way.” “Dau, I was aware of your situation and tried my level best not to offend you.” “Which made matters even worse. You pretending to be humble and obedient but simultaneously calling the shots. Do you believe that I am so naive that I did not see through your games? No Krishna, I went along with you not because I fell for your tricks but because I always had more faith in your wisdom than my own. Right from our childhood, I was aware of your greatness, my only wish was to submerge myself so totally in you that we become one. But alas! Even that was not to be.” Krishna sits silently for a long time and then turns towards me. “Dau, for once can you really be my elder brother? Hold me like a baby, reprimand me, caress me, punish me if you like, but let me hide myself in your lap.” “No, my dear brother, it would be a pretense. Neither of us is ready for it just yet. Perhaps in our next birth, I will learn how to be an elder brother and you will learn how to be the younger one.” Krishna begins to sob uncontrollably. I run my fingers through his hair and close my eyes.

CHAPTER 11

Bhima Speaks

Now only Yudhisthira and I are left. Draupadi was the first to fall, followed by my three younger brothers. It is now several months since we left Hastinapur. Ever since the news of Krishna and Balarama’s death and the destruction of the Yadava clan had reached us, we had lost our desire to live. Arjuna, who had rushed to Dwarka in an effort to protect the Yadava women, children and property, returned a broken and defeated man. Apparently, the great warrior could not even stand up to a handful of bandits. The sight of him was a shock to all of us. His hair and beard had turned totally white and with his wrinkled face, it seemed that he had aged a thousand years within a span of few days. Soon, we found that same thing was happening to the rest of us as well and realized that the time to say good bye had come. So, we left the kingdom to Abhimanyu’s son Parikshit and started our final journey towards the “other-world.”

When Draupadi fell, I halted to help her but Yudhisthira stopped me. “No Bhima, in this journey no one can help any one else. We all have to take responsibility for our actions and choices by ourselves. No doubt, Draupadi was the very incarnation of ideal womanhood and that she was beyond reproach in every way. However, though married to all five of us, she loved Arjuna the most. That was her only folly and that is the reason why she has fallen.” Did I detect a hint of pain and envy in Dharmaraj’s voice? I didn’t say anything and kept walking. Thereafter, one by one, the three of

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my younger brothers fell. In each case, Dharmaraj attributed their fall to their arrogance. For Nakula, it was the arrogance of physical beauty, for Sahadeva of intellect and for Arjuna, it was the arrogance of valour. And now my turn has come. As I fall, Yudhisthira says, “Bhima, you were perfect in every respect. You were the ideal son, the ideal brother, the ideal husband, the ideal warrior and everything a man could be. Your only follies were your gluttony, your over-confidence and your propensity to blow your own trumpet.” He walks away with his dog after making these pronouncements. I am not sure that I fully agree with him. In fact, I have lost all interest in this journey after the fall of Draupadi and my three brothers. With out them, no heavenly abode has any meaning for me. While future generations may regard Dharmaraj’s pronouncements about us as the ultimate truth, I think they say as much about him as about us. After all, the fact is that Arjuna won Draupadi in the Swayamvar and she must have been looking forward to marrying him and him alone. Instead, the poor thing had to wed all five of us. Why, then, should her special fondness for Arjuna be regarded as such a big folly, particularly when she never failed any of her other husbands in any respect? “No Dharmaraj, it is your own hurt and envy which lies behind this pronouncement and not Draupadi’s folly. What about your own sternness? Why is that any less of a folly than my gluttony? Do you remember how insensitive you were towards mother Kunti when she shared the secret of Karna’s birth with us? You were so incensed that you cursed entire womankind for all time to come. Don’t you think that it was extremely cruel on your part to do so? You identified the arrogance of Nakula, Sahadeva and Arjuna, but what about your own arrogance of stoic righteousness? Do you remember how, on the one hand, you emotionally blackmailed Arjuna when he was refusing to fight grandsire Bhishma and guru Drona, and on the other, you wanted to renounce every thing after we had won the war?”

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I am with these thoughts as I start crawling towards Draupadi who is lying a few meters away. When I reach her, she looks up and says, “I knew you would come to me. The others may desert me but you never would,” she says. “Are you feeling disturbed about what Yudhisthira has said about each one of us?” “How do you always guess what I am feeling or thinking?” She laughs in her characteristic, enchanting manner. “It is because I know you like a mother knows her child, it is because you are so very transparent and it is also because you surrender to me with such innocent abandon.” Then, in a more serious tone, she goes on. “To me, your gluttony has never been a folly. It is only an expression of your zest for life and your insatiable appetite to experience life in all its rawness, in all its glory and with all its terrors and destructions. Do you remember what Kubera told you about your link with the primitive man? Yudhisthira sees you as gluttonous because he was afraid of his own primitive side and always tried to run away from it. To an extent, Arjuna engaged with it, but only to gain mastery over it and to enslave it in service of his civilized part. It is only you, Bhima, who tried to befriend the primitive man in himself, without whom no man can ever be a man. That is why I felt closest to you.” “I thought you loved Arjuna the most.” “Which is true, but only in a limited way. If you call the cravings of an adolescent for a “prince charming” love, then yes, I did love Arjuna the most. However, as I grew, I began to realize that there is more to love than those adolescent cravings.” “Say more,” I am both curious and thrilled. “I realized that Arjuna could never really love any one. His doubts and ambivalence never allowed him to give himself totally to any one, not even to himself. Only Krishna could settle his ambivalence and therefore, he gave his heart so totally to Krishna that from others, he could only receive love. He could never surrender himself to any one other than Krishna, not even me.” There is a tinge of sadness in her voice as she goes on, “I started seeing different sides of love.

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Yudhisthira I respected a great deal for his self-control and strict adherence to what he believed righteous conduct to be, no matter what the consequences, but he could only be my teacher and not my lover. I was attracted to Nakula’s physical beauty and Sahadeva’s intellect and compassion, but they could only be my companions. They evoked my maternal instinct, never the woman in me. Arjuna did evoke the woman in me but he could only be a “dream man,” an “alluring illusion” who could not withstand the test of reality.” “And me?” I ask hesitantly. “It is only you, Bhima, that I regarded as my real husband. With you, I did not have to restrict or inhibit my self. I could show my self to you in my splendour and in my ugliness. I could be both divine and gracious on the one hand and demonic and petty on the other. I never felt the need to suppress my zest for life from fear of seeming too greedy. I could truly be myself without guilt and shame and without any apprehension of becoming undesirable or unacceptable to you. I felt assured in the certainty of your love for me, irrespective of who or what I am. The innocent child in you loved me with out any judgement and the strong man in you was there to protect me. I felt safe and secure with you and knew that you would always protect me, that you would always be on my side and that you would never desert me—except, of course, on that fateful day in the Kuru assembly. Oh! Bhima why did you not save me that day? How could you let all that happen to me? Where did all your strength vanish?” She begins to wail. “I don’t know, Draupadi. I do not know what happened to me or what immobilized me. Perhaps, it was the conflict between what you called my primitive and civilized sides. The “primitive me” wanted to burn Yudhisthira’s hands, it wanted to split Duhsasana into two, it wanted to dance on the corpses of Duryodhana and Karna. But the civilized younger brother had to obey his elder brother. I just could not bring these opposite forces together. Perhaps, this was the essence of my brother Hanuman’s advice, to be able to integrate primal energy with human discernment and divine benediction. Maybe, had I been able to do that, I would have acted with greater conviction not merely

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in that situation, but even otherwise. You know, for good or for bad, others had some convictions to fall back upon but I had none. Yudhishthira found his conviction in conventional morality, Arjuna in focused purposiveness, Krishna in contextual wisdom, Hanuman in his devotion to lord Rama, but for me there was none and there was no one to guide me either. Yudhisthira had Uncle Vidura, Arjuna had Krishna, Hanuman had Rama, even Duryodhana had Shakuni; but for me, there was nobody. Perhaps Balarama could have been my mentor, but he remained caught between his affection for me and for Duryodhana. “Don’t you see that two of you were, in fact, the two sides of Balarama which he could not resolve in himself, so how could he mentor you? At times, I feel the battle between Bhima and Duryodhana which took place inside Balarama was no less fierce than the one which took place in Kurukshetra,” says Draupadi. “You know, today, for some strange reason, I am feeling sad for even Duryodhana. History may isolate him and make him the prime villain of this tragic saga, but was he the only one responsible? Why is it that the likes of him and me who have to carry the burden of everyone’s negativity?” “And what a burden it is! How very lonely and burdened you must have felt when, as a child, you were singled out for all of Duryodhana’s venomous attacks? Or, when you had to deal with all demonic forces single-handed, be it Bakasura or Hidimb or Kichaka. When and how did you heal these wounds, Bhima?” My mind goes back to the time when Duryodhana had poisoned me and thrown me into the river and snakes had bitten me all over my body. In a way, the snake poison had acted as an antidote to the other poisons which Duryodhana had given me and so, I did not die but only became unconscious. When I woke up, I found my self surrounded by a group of tribals, whose chief was a distant relative of ours from mother Kunti’s side. I will never forget the tenderness with which that old man had held me and how tranquil I had felt.

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I wished that I could stay with the tribe for the rest of my life, but of course I had to return to Hastinapur. “Where are you lost in your thoughts?” she asks me. “Once, Krishna had told me that strength comes with its own price tag. At that time, I did not realize the full import of his statement, but now I am beginning to see what he meant.” “How very right he was! Perhaps your strength has been your greatest enemy. It not only scares people away from you but also prevents you from acknowledging and healing your own wounds. Krishna should also have told you the corollary to that statement.” “What?” “That vulnerability has its own virtues and rewards.” I smile at her. “Maybe in my next birth, I will learn that. I do not want Moksha. I would love to come back into this world and savour its grandeur all over again. I simply love living.” “Don’t I know that!” She smiles as only she can. I look at her—like the rest of us, her face is full of wrinkles and she has lost most of her hair and teeth, but for me she is still the most beautiful woman in the entire universe. Perhaps, that was my real calling in life—to discover love, a love which does not flinch in face of the starkness and gruesomeness of life, a love which embraces both beauty and ugliness alike, a love which acknowledges the truths of life as also its illusions, a love which makes us rejoice as well as grieve, a love which makes us transcend ourselves as well as surrender, a love which can hold Draupadi in one arm and Duryodhana in the other. Maybe, I will need to take another birth for that.

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PART II

REFLECTIONS

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CHAPTER 12

The Three Protagonists

Balarama, Duryodhana and Bhima are three distinct individuals with their own unique contexts and predispositions. The common thread running through them (which shall be referred to as the “Child Man” psyche in rest of this book), is not intended to undermine their differences. In fact, it is only through the exploration of both their similarities as well as their differences that any meaningful insights can be gained for understanding this part of human psyche and its relevance and implications for the larger human context. All three were contemporaries. According to some accounts, Bhima and Duryodhana were born on the same day and at exactly at the same time, though this is contrary to another story according to which Duryodhana was conceived before Yudhisthira but born later. Balarama could not have been very much older, considering that Krishna was roughly the same age as Arjuna and was younger than both Bhima and Duryodhana. However, the real relationship between the three was not one of peers but that of disciples (Bhima and Duryodhana) and teacher (Balarama). This is almost an exact parallel to Arjuna’s relationship with Krishna. Thus, in a manner, Bhima and Duryodhana can be regarded as extensions of Balarama, just as Arjuna was an extension of Krishna. Further, while in terms of events, there was not much contact between Krishna and Karna, the psychic affinity between them is hard to miss. Both were separated at birth from their biological parents and place of birth, and transported by a river to be brought up by foster parents much below their socio-economic status. Both had to suffer humiliations on account of this throughout their lives—one was constantly addressed as a cowherd and the other

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as Sutaputra (son of a charioteer). Both were nominal kings with their main sphere of action being outside their own kingdoms. Both were generous and gracious with a strong sense of honour and self-control. Coincidentally, if the word ‘Ish’ (which means ‘divine’ or ‘god’), is intermixed with the word ‘Karn,’ we get ‘Krishna.’ Thus, in a sense, Arjuna and Karna can be seen as two sides of Krishna with Bhima and Duryodhana representing two sides of Balarama. It is interesting that the main conflicts in Mahabharata centre around these two sets of adversaries, i.e., Karna and Arjuna on one hand and Bhima and Duryodhana on the other. In this sense, the Mahabharata can be regarded as conflict within and between Krishna and Balarama. In this context, it is significant to note, that the Krishna of the Mahabharata is very different from his other portrayals (as for example, in the Geeta Govinda). It would appear that in order to highlight the dichotomy between Krishna and Balarama, a certain aspect of Krishna had to be set aside. Or, the mischievous, playful, romantic flute playing Krishna was invented later in order to make him more complete and wholesome. In either case, the difference in the two forms of Krishna is significant. The two brothers perhaps embody the two main streams of Indian philosophy represented by the Vedas and Upanishads, respectively. The Vedic stream, which is also regarded as “Pravartik,” emphasizes passionate involvement, ritual, subjectivity and a general celebration of life and is represented by Balarama and his two disciples whereas Krishna, in the limited context of the Mahabharata, represents the Upanishadic stream or the “Nirvartik” orientation emphasizing stoicism, detachment, self-control and objective rational enquiry. In terms of Greek mythology, we can regard Krishna as representing the Apollo principle of “know thy self” and Balarama as the holder of the Dionysian motto “be thy self.” These two basic orientations are further split into a constructive or life enhancing side and a destructive or life destroying side. Arjuna and Bhima can be regarded as representing the constructive side where as Karna and Duryodhna represent the destructive side. The main

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difference, of course, is that while in Krishna, the conflict between these two sides is settled, in Balarama it remains unresolved. Thus, while Krishna has no difficulty in giving a clear injunction to Arjuna to kill Karna, Balarama remains caught between his affection for Bhima and Duryodhana. Even his slight tilt in favour of Duryodhana was perhaps on account of his unexamined reactivity towards Krishna rather than as a result of any real conviction. Similarly, Duryodhana’s entire life seems to be governed by his hatred towards the Pandavas rather than by any positive goals for himself. Bhima, in his final encounter with Draupadi, shares his pathos of not finding any conviction within himself. This aspect of the Child Man psyche has significant implications both at the individual and collective levels, as we shall explore in the later parts of this book. All three of our protagonists were mace-warriors. The mace, besides being an obvious phallic symbol, can also be associated with raw power and direct encounter. Unlike an archer, the mace warrior can not attack his opponent from a distance and must necessarily engage his adversary in a direct face to face encounter in which raw power plays a major role. Thus, one would be inclined to see a greater tilt in all three towards the “primal and the primitive” rather than the “sophisticated and the civilized,” a theme which we will explore later in some detail. The preoccupation with the masculine may be linked to another common thread. In Jungian terms, all three seem to share a predominance of the “dynamic feminine” principle, particularly in respect of spontaneity and aliveness and a virtual disregard for the world of rules, regulations and boundaries, i.e., the “static masculine” principle (for greater elaboration of these, see the chapter on Gender Identity). Thus, one can argue that their masculinity was somewhat compensatory in nature. The non-penetrative feature of the mace as a phallic symbol supports such a hypothesis. The main difference between the three was perhaps in the differential configurations of the “static feminine” principle, which in turn led to significant differences in their relationships with women. In Bhima, we find a heightened sensitivity towards women (Draupadi, Hidimbi, Kunti) whereas in

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Duryodhana we find a heightened cruelty. Balarama had virtually no intimate relationships with women except, to a limited extent, with his wife Revati. In Freudian terms, all three show strong streaks of the oral-sadistic character, i.e., one who believes that no one is going to give him what he needs voluntarily and hence he must grab it by force. However, this is accompanied by a predominance of “narcissism” over “self interest”—each of our protagonists has a tendency to get carried away with his own thoughts, feelings and impulses with very little objective reality appraisal and consequently, has to be restrained by someone like a Krishna or a Shakuni. In this sense, the narcissism of the Child Man is quite “self-less.” One can even argue that, in fact, he has no positive sense of “self.” His self definition is primarily defined by his “wounds” and thus, he stubbornly holds on to his wounds and resists any healing. To an extent, the preservation of these wounds becomes equated with the preservation of self-identity. In this sense, Duryodhana’s case is particularly tragic because the non-healing of his wounds also has a contextual element. As Suyodhana points out, he also becomes a carrier of other people’s demons and negativities. The preoccupation with wounds makes the Child Man particularly susceptible to jealousy and envy. In the case of Duryodhana, the envy and jealousy are direct, conscious and vicious. In the case of Balarama and Bhima, they remain muted and are counter balanced by other feelings. Further, there are other marked differences in the way each of them responds to his jealousy/envy. While Duryodhana responds by moving away from the object of his envy and jealousy (Yudhisthira), Balarama responds by moving towards the object of his envy and jealousy (Krishna) to the extent of trying to merge himself totally in him. Bhima’s relationship with Yudhisthira remains a mixture of affection, respect and disdain and consequently, he remains caught within ambivalence, making it that much more difficult for him to act with any conviction. Finally, all three of our protagonists show a clear preference for the domains of “feeling” and “action” as against the domain of “thought.”

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They are passionate and impulsive people who are quick to react and who have little patience with analysis and strategy. They give precedence to relationships rather than to principles which, to them, are mere abstractions. For them, subjective feelings, needs and opinions, either their own or those of people who matter to them, always outweigh any objective reality appraisal. This proximity to the domains of action and feeling and distance from the domain of thought and reason has huge implications for this psyche in the present times. While in the universe of the epic, the pursuit of prowess had a strong link with physical strength, in our times, it is intellectual acumen which is the primary source of prowess. Consequently, in the present day world, very little legitimate space is left for this psyche, leading to it being either marginalized or operating insidiously. While specifically, we will look at these issues in the chapter entitled “Age of Reason” and “The Child Man and Our Times,” in many ways, it will keep surfacing in other places as well. Our three protagonists have both similarities and differences. How-ever, the simultaneity of “pursuit of prowess” and “emotional fragility” keeps recurring in each one of them. It is another matter that what appears as a child-like simplicity, innocence and zest for life in Bhima becomes the greed and insolence of an immature, angry and petulant child in Duryodhana and surfaces as pseudo-adult in case of Balarama. This in no way takes away their psychic affinity, just as it does not make them identical.

CHAPTER 13

Colours of Self-centricity

Some time ago, a well known industrialist said to me, “Ego is a prerogative of you professionals. As far as we businessmen are concerned, we can not afford the luxury of an ego. We have to be prepared to bow down to the lowliest of people, if it is required in service of our interest!” Clearly, the gentleman was using the term “ego” in its popular connotation of self-aggrandizement and vanity without recognizing that his own stance could also be regarded as highly egoistical in its own way. However, he had unerringly pointed out that “self-centricity” is not the same for everyone and the tendency to put every kind of “self-centricity” in the same basket often obscures the real meaning of a phenomenon. This propensity of not differentiating between different kinds of “self-centricity” becomes a major hurdle in understanding the Child Man psyche, for it gets confused with overlapping constructs such as ambition, achievement orientation, alpha-male, selfishness and the like. The “prowess pursuance” and “high need for dominance” of the Child Man are not rooted in the achievement of any meaningful goals for the self. In ‘achievement orientation,’ the passion is more focused and directed towards a goal, as in case of Krishna (to establish the rule of dharma) or in case of Arjuna (to become the best archer). In the case of the Child Man, the passion and consequent pursuit of prowess is more diffused and the goal, if any, is often at the unconscious level (for example, proving one’s manliness, hunger for love, sibling rivalry, anger towards the father, etc.) Even when the passion is more focused, as in the case of Duryodhana (his hatred towards Pandavas), its source invariably lies in the rage of having been denied. Hence, “vengeance”

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rather than “achievement” becomes the main motif for the Child Man. Even in case of Bhima, it is only after Draupadi’s humiliation that a clear goal in the form of vengeance appears to channelize his passion. The situation is a bit more subtle in the case of Balarama, where the rage (at losing the symbiotic link with Krishna) remains muted and therefore, available to others for exploitation. It is no wonder, then, that the Child Man is rarely his own person. Invariably, he becomes a pawn in the hands of others through emotional blackmail and/or through an appeal to his prowess. I recall several years ago, I was traveling by bus from Chandigarh to Delhi. Due to some problems en route, the bus was running about an hour late. A co-passenger went up to the driver and pleaded that it was absolutely imperative for him to get to Delhi on time. The Sikh driver got extremely excited about the prospect of this challenging task. He turned around and said, “Not to worry sir, this wheel is in the hands of a tiger! See how I make sure that you reach in time!” That we reached Delhi in time is beside the point. The excitement on the face of the driver was something to be seen to be believed. He was like a small child who had been given a difficult task but which he knew he could accomplish with some stretch. What was there in this venture for that driver? He drove at a breakneck speed, cut short the stops en route, incurred the ire of many other passengers—and all this for some one else’s need. He may have been an exceptionally helpful person, but I think his real reward lay simply in the deployment and affirmation of his prowess. From the outside, such acts may appear as nothing more than an “ego-massage” exercise but the Child Man is often not particularly egoistical and his needs for himself are rather simple. Like Bhima, he can easily forego all the royal celebrations for the simple pleasure of being with his old servant Beliya and his family or, have a great time with the tribe of cannibals or, like Balarama, roam the foothills of Gomantak and ask, “What is all the fuss about?” Since the passion of the achievement-oriented person is channelized into the fulfillment of clearly defined goals, he also knows when to

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lose a battle in order to win the war. In contrast, the Child Man is an endless ocean of passion, waiting for a trigger to explode. He finds it difficult to bind his passion and/or withdraw when required. Thus, all three of our protagonists need some one else to rein them in. It is tempting to apply the stereotype of “all brawn and no brains” to these men but the issue at hand may have little to do with inadequate intellectual acumen. While, to an extent, the stereotype may have had some validity in an era when the primary source of prowess was physical strength. With the advent of the “Age Of Reason”, the situation has changed considerably as we will discuss later. Though the story of our protagonists belongs to an earlier era, they display no lack of intelligence when they so chose. Note, for instance, Balarama’s deft handling of the situation to get Krishna back from guru Angiras’ ashram, as also in securing Sambh’s release from Duryodhana’s captivity while simultaneously protecting the latter from Krishna’s wrath. Similarly, Bhima plotting Kichaka’s death without risking the disclosure of their identity and Duryodhana’s sophisticated arguments in support of Karna during the tournament—these incidents do not suggest that they are men with “all brawn and no brains.” Perhaps, in the triangle of feeling, thought and action, the Child Man has a natural inclination towards the feeling-action axis rather than the feeling-thought axis (the domain of reflection) or the thought-action axis (the domain of strategy). But this preference stems more from the imperatives of his identity and the salience of his self-centricity, rather than from inadequate intelligence. Some of these salient features are as follows:

Narcissism over Egoism The Child Man is more narcissistic than egoistic. An egoist is some one who is totally governed by self-interest without any regard for anyone else besides, of course, having an exaggerated idea about himself. While the narcissist also has an inflated self image, he does not have the same preoccupation as the egoist with his own self-interest. Often, he is so much in love with his fantasized self image that he would do

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any thing to protect it, including sacrificing his own self-interest. Thus, Duryodhana would rather die than accept the legitimate claim of the Pandavas and settle down to enjoy his own kingdom. In this context, it is interesting to note that Krishna, in all his dealings with Balarama and Bhima, takes special care not to offend their narcissism. So, in order to convince Balarama to escape from Mathura, the argument he uses is that “some times one has to sacrifice one’s concern for personal reputation for a larger good.” Instead, if he had tried to convince Balarama by appealing to his need for self preservation, it is unlikely that he would have cut much ice with the latter. Similarly, in order to get Balarama back from Kashi, he appeals to Balarama’s brotherly love which he knew was very much a part of Balarama’s self image.

Diffused Boundaries The relative disregard that the Child Man displays for his own interests is further compounded by his diffused sense of boundaries. The Child Man can often not differentiate between what belongs to him and what does not. In the example given earlier in this chapter, the bus driver had no difficulty in taking the need of the passenger as his own. His approach was not one of a Good Samaritan who was trying to help a person in need, but of a person who had taken complete charge of the venture with total identification with the goal of the other person. This on one hand endows the Child Man with great amount of generosity and large heartedness but on the other makes him rather insensitive to other people’s boundaries and making claims and demands with little concern for their legitimacy. Thus, Bhima has no qualms about plucking flowers from Kubera’s ponds and can even go to the extent of killing people who question his right to do so. For him, whatever belongs to him also belongs to others and whatever belongs to others also belongs to him. However, his sharing is generally confined to his “near and dear” but his grabbing is fairly universal. The bus driver of our example is unlikely to have acted the way that he did if he had picked up a dislike for the passenger in question. Thus, while the Child Man’s boundaries are diffused, his likes and dislikes are both strong and generally, instantaneous. In other words, the only boundary that

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he recognizes is one of affiliative and emotive links which generally gets translated into “my people” and “not my people.” He is a man of strong relationships and loyalties, abstract norms and principles mean very little to him.

Rage and Vengeance The main trigger for the pursuit of prowess in the Child Man is his rage and need for vengeance. Sometimes, what needs to be avenged and who is responsible for the wrong done to him is specific and known, as in the case of several characters played by Amitabh Bachhan as “the angry young man” in many of his popular Hindi films. It is interesting that the essential contours of all such characters, including those enacted by others (for example, Birju in “Mother India”), have remained the same. The protagonist experiences some hurt/injustice in childhood accompanied either by loss of father or some form of desertion/betrayal by the father, spends all his energies in toughening himself, has no positive goals for himself other than settling scores with the wrongdoers and most of the time, dies in the end. The fact that this theme has such an irresistible appeal suggests that the protagonist is, in fact, acting out our own rage and our need for vengeance of which we may be largely unaware. It would seem that rage and the need for vengeance is fairly universal though in most people, it remains repressed or suppressed. When an impulse/feeling/need is repressed, the individual does not become conscious of it even though his behaviour may be unconsciously determined by it. On the other hand, when it is suppressed, the individual may or may not be aware of it, but it is blocked from any outlet, either consciously or unconsciously. In the case of the Child Man, rage and the need for vengeance becomes a central and defining feature of identity. Hence, even when repressed (as perhaps in the case of Balarama and Bhima), it continues to be acted upon unconsciously. This centrality of rage and vengeance in the Child Man, coupled with his diffused sense of boundaries, can become a lethal combination. It is very easy for the Child Man to become the perfect conduit through

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which our collective rage is expressed and acted upon. Once the Child Man has taken up an agenda as his own, he will go to any extent for its fulfillment with no regard either for his personal safety and survival or for any ethical/moral norms and principles. An extremely stark example of this phenomenon is the “suicide-bomber” who lays down his own life and desensitizes himself to the destruction of innocent lives which he causes, all in the service of “collective vendetta and retribution”. To sum up, the self-centricity of the Child Man has a unique flavor. It is the self-centricity of a child who is only a bundle of “id impulses” and is yet to acquire an “ego identity.” He is like a selfless narcissist who is deeply in love with a fantasized self image and has never asked himself “who am I, and what do I want?” Someone who, having included you in his emotive space, will merge himself so totally with you that he will go to any extent for your sake. It is also the self-centricity of a wounded warrior who can not afford the luxury of a healing touch. His wounds are so basic to his sense of being himself that without them, he will not know what to do with himself or his life. Thus, it is not at all surprising that he evokes so many contradictory feelings in us. He attracts us by his child-like simplicity and also repulses us by his boorish obstinacy. He fills us with compassion but also frightens us. We admire his loyalty, commitment and courage but feel indignant at his amorality. Caught between these contrary feelings, mostly, we keep him at an arms length or manipulate him for our own ends.

CHAPTER 14

Child Man and the Age of Reason

Will Hunting (the protagonist of the famous Hollywood film “Good Will Hunting”), was an exceptionally gifted young man who worked as a janitor at a university. He was an orphan and his personal/social life was confined to a few blue-collar worker friends who, in Will’s own words, “know what loyalty means.” One of Will’s favourite pastimes was to solve the intricate math problems left by the famous math professor on the board and leave the solution there for the next day. Though initially puzzled, the professor soon uncovers the mystery. By then, Will had got involved in a pub brawl and had been taken into police custody. The professor arranges to have him released on his personal guarantee with the condition that Will would see a psychiatrist. Will goes through the ritual but manages to outsmart all the “shrinks.” Desperate to get Will sorted out, the professor reaches out to his old but estranged friend who is a psychiatrist of some repute though nowhere as successful and renowned in academic circles as the professor himself. During this period, Will gets involved with a sensitive and caring girl who truly loves him, but Will’s fear of emotional entanglement prevents him from committing himself to her. Essentially, the film deals with Will revisiting his personal history and trauma and his consequent transformation through these two anchors. On the face of it, there is very little similarity between Will Hunting and our three protagonists. However, scratch the surface and you find the same pursuit of prowess, lack of focus, disdain towards conventionality, emotional intensity and hunger for love. The main differences, of course, are that prowess for Will is mental rather than physical and his

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emotional fragility is expressed not through “volatile outbursts” but through “cool detachment.” These differences are perhaps linked to the different times that we live in, as compared to our three protagonists. With the advent of the Age of Reason, the primary source of prowess shifted from physical strength to rationality. It is hardly surprising that rationality and its associated features (like objectivity, analytical ability etc.) figure as masculine attributes and emotionality as a feminine attribute in most masculine-feminine scales. It is another matter that there is no empirical evidence to suggest that men are more rational and less emotional than women. Perhaps it is the association of prowess with masculinity and association of reason with prowess which is responsible for this interesting situation. After all, the only way in which male authority could be protected in the new scenario was through a greater claim to rationality. As Seidler points out, “The rule of reason came to be identified with the father, for it was father who made reason his own. It was through reason that father learnt to legislate for others and to feel confident that he knew best what was good for others.” However, this creates some interesting dilemmas for the Child Man in our times. Our three protagonists could focus on building their physical prowess, express their emotions, be passionate, operate primarily on the feeling-action axis and afford to be a little disdainful towards rationality. This did not threaten their gender role as it would in today’s scenario where men are expected to be rational and not emotional. Often, these dilemmas are resolved through the simple solution of becoming blind to one’s emotions but being governed by them nevertheless. Take the example of K, a highly successful and respected professional who has retired from a very senior government position. By all external appearances, K is a mature, seasoned, amiable and socially successful individual. However, K’s relationship with his only son is an absolute mess. K does not forego any opportunity to run his son down. Though the son is an intelligent and fairly successful

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professional in his own right, K never gives him any credit for it. In fact, he is convinced that had he not used his contacts and influence, the son would have turned out to be an utter wastrel. On those rare occasions when K is unable to find fault with his son, he directs his ire towards his daughter-in-law and grandchildren, finding them disrespectful at the slightest pretext. K’s attacks become particularly vicious if he finds his wife showing any signs of affection towards her son. Needless to say, the son has his own demons to wrestle with and often drowns himself in alcohol and becomes abusive towards his father. Mrs. K, who is a gentle and caring person, often finds herself a mute spectator during these brawls. To any onlooker, they appear like two children fighting over a piece of candy, but their transactions remain primarily at the “rational” level, where only logical arguments are traded. Their mutual feelings towards each other (including their competitiveness for Mrs K’s affections), are not even acknowledged, let alone being expressed. For both father and son, the pursuit of prowess is only marginally in the physical domain (for example, holding one’s drinks better). Thus, in their wrestling bouts, it is intellectual stratagems which are deployed. Logic, objectivity and evidence are their main weapons, though the fact that they are essentially an expression of their emotional volatility and passion is much too apparent. In the world that we live in, encounters of the kind mentioned above are so common place that they hardly surprise us. We are prone to treat them as “ego hassles” and move on. Yet the question remains, why do such ego hassles occur only in certain contexts and vis-à-vis particular people? What makes the issue even more interesting is that quite often the individuals concerned are not particularly egoistic. For instance, take the case of M—a visionary and entrepreneur par excellence—someone who had made path-breaking initiatives and who is now a colossus in his particular field. Most outsiders find him extremely reasonable, mature, understanding and accommodating. But ask his relatives (who are also his partners in the business), and you will hear a completely different story. They experience him as oppressive, dogmatic and as someone who is impossible to dialogue with.

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All his meetings with them become monologues where all others are too scared to open their mouths and M is far too insensitive to their feelings and concerns. Though M invites discussion and participation on all significant issues, no one has the intellectual wherewithal to stand up to him and hence, all of them take the easy way out by nodding their heads and/or murmuring their dissent to themselves. Of course, once in a while, their passive aggression finds an expression through reactive outbursts, leaving M with a strong sense of incomprehension and amazement. Or take the case of Q—a person who has risen from a very humble background to set up a multi-billion rupee business. By all external accounts, Q is a competent, confident, self assured and mature person. But people close to Q will tell you how emotionally insecure he is, how the slightest of disapproval gnaws at him endlessly, and how the slightest hint of disloyalty triggers off his paranoia. Interestingly, all the people described above are extremely caring and considerate individuals. None of them is someone who can be regarded as selfish or overly egotistical. In fact, like Bhima and Balarama, their needs are very simple and their lifestyles quite ordinary. They care about their near and dear ones and often go out of their way to help a friend in need. What is also interesting about these men is that their emotional fragility surfaces only in certain contexts. Perhaps the reason for this is to be found in the imperatives of living in modern times. While Bhima, Balaram and Duryodhana in their era did not feel the need to hide their emotional volatility, the present day Child Man does not have that luxury. Thus while the integrated Child Man was more easily visible in the era of the epic, in present times, he is more likely to be split into two. The prowess-pursuing man operates in public space, whereas the emotionally fragile child is confined to the private spaces of family and intimate relationships. Also, the influence of the internal fragile child on the external adult remains subterranean, and hence becomes impossible to address. To that extent, the engagement with the Child Man, the deployment of his positive potential and reining in his dysfunctional and destructive side, become that much more difficult.

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The only domains where the integrated Child Man is more easily visible in today’s world are the domains of sports and athletics on one hand and the world of artistic expression and aesthetics on the other. Since in these domains, passion and emotional expressions are not taboos, the need to split the prowess-pursuing man and the emotionally volatile child is not so strong. However, in most other spheres, the emotionally volatile child is either confined to private spaces and/or operates in the garb of a “pseudo adult.” Since not everyone has the talent or an aptitude to be in the field of sports or artistic expression, a large number of Child Men find their homes in the “underworld.” Note, for instance, that a large number of portrayals of the underworld in literature and films have strong streaks of the Child Man, be it Vijay in “Deewar” or Raghu in “Vastav” or Sunny Corleone in “The Godfather.” They all share the same profile— intensely passionate, strong and courageous, emotionally volatile, willing to undertake the most difficult of tasks, fiercely loyal to their loved ones and people who always give precedence to relationships over principles. This is one of the most frightening aspects of the gap between prowess and maturity in our times. It is far too easy and convenient for us to hand over our collective angst (particularly around issues of race and religion) to marginalized Child Men and thereby, provide them with the legitimacy to let loose their rage and destruction. Even when the Child Man is part of the mainstream, he often takes a location on the fringes from where he lets loose his rage and destruction. Let us take the example of J, a middle-aged man of above-average intelligence. J is extremely well read and can generally hold his own on a wide range of subjects. J experimented with several careers, including engineering, management, teaching, literature and film-making. He was reasonably successful in most of these but failed to distinguish himself in any, as none could hold his interest for long. Regarded as an “intellectual” of some repute among his friends, J is known to get embroiled in heated arguments in any setting that he is a part of. He swears by post-modernism, rarely takes a position himself and takes immense delight in demolishing the beliefs of others,

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particularly if they are on the conventional side. With his strong, stocky built, unkempt beard, long hair and bright, shining eyes, J is often experienced as a gorilla at large, who is ready to pounce on his prey and demolish it with his loud mouth and abrasive language. J’s arguments rarely have the incisive, sharp or penetrating quality of an arrow. Instead, they land on his adversary like the thud of a mace—they are hard hitting, blunt and often cover a broad and dispersed area. High-sounding words and theories are thrown with such raw power that often, his adversary has no clue what J is saying, but is effectively silenced. In these settings, he can easily be mistaken for a Bhima engaged in a wrestling bout. The age of reason has taught the Child Man how to use his brain as brawn. Rationality, for him, is not a pathway to truth but a powerful weapon with which all truth can be destroyed. His only conviction is not to have any conviction and his only faith lies in being faithless. Like our protagonists, his primary driving forces are rage and need for vengeance, though he uses very different channels for their expression.

CHAPTER 15

Child Man and Gender Identity

The Child Man psyche is by no means a monopoly of the male gender and often manifests itself in women. The only reason the term “man” has been used is that many of its attributes have been traditionally regarded as masculine. It is reasonably well understood that such terms as masculine and feminine are not absolute categories with a one-toone correlation with the two genders. Thus, many attributes which are regarded as masculine (for example aggression and competitiveness) are to be found amongst women as well, and similarly, men are not devoid of feminine attributes like sensitivity and caring. Further, the diversity within the two genders is much greater than the difference between them. Thus, the average male may be slightly more aggressive than the average female but there are many men who are significantly less aggressive than most women and many women who are significantly more aggressive than most men. In this context, it is also important to note that masculinity and femininity are both socio-cultural constructs and bio-existential constructs1. The categorization of aggression and competitiveness as masculine might have something to do with “bread earning” being a part of the male gender role, just as the home-maker role of women has something to do with features like sensitivity and caring being regarded as feminine. The patriarchic structure and consequent power differential between the two genders also significantly affects our understanding of what is masculine and what is feminine as also their relative valuation. Thus, that which is regarded as masculine also tends to be seen as more desirable. Similarly, features which are more critical in power equilibrium (for example, rationality, in our times)

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tend to be seen as masculine. Consequently, the pursuit of prowess which is an integral part of the Child Man psyche will have different meanings and implications in the two genders. However, masculinity and femininity are not just socio-cultural constructs but are also determined by certain bio-existential imperatives. The sexual act itself has an element of dominance-submission and impotence is primarily a male phenomenon2 (a woman can be frigid or infertile but not impotent), paternity is an inference or an assumption whereas maternity is a direct empirical fact, the restrictions on account of natural imperatives such as menstruation, child birth/nursing, etc., which women have to deal with are much more than men encounter. All these factors also influence how the two genders view themselves, their relationships, their perspectives on life, their primary anxieties/ preoccupations, and so on. However, even in this sense, masculinity and femininity cannot be treated as absolute and mutually exclusive categories. Thus, while fear of impotence may generate a higher preoccupation in men with regard to “performance,” the female gender is by no means free of it. Whether we see them as socio-cultural constructs or as bioexistential constructs, masculinity and femininity have to be regarded as two basic principles applicable to all human beings even though their meaning and implications for the two genders will differ. Hence, the exploration of gender identity has to engage with two separate though inter-related issues the configuration of the masculine and feminine principles within a person, and the meaning and implications of these configurations as they affect each gender, particularly in the context of the gender roles as prevalent in a particular era, i.e., maleness and femaleness as it affects a person’s relatedness to himself/herself as well as others

The Masculine and the Feminine Much of our understanding of these principles can be attributed to the work of Carl Jung. In the Freudian scheme of things, the emphasis was so male-centric that sometimes one gets the impression that for Freud,

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women were nothing more than an inferior version of the male species. In the Jungian, approach the two principles of masculinity and femininity are regarded as integral to all human beings. Hence, the concept of Anima (the feminine in men) and Animus (the masculine in women) hold centre stage in Jung’s psychology of the two genders. Based upon Jung’s basic theory of the masculine and feminine principles, the later Jungians (like Erich Neumann and Gareth Hill) identified the elementary (or static) and transformative (or dynamic) aspects of these two principles, creating a two-by-two schema along these polarities as shown in the figure below : Masculine Static Masculine

Dynamic Masculine Dynamic

Static Static Feminine

Dynamic Feminine

Feminine

A brief description of the four quadrants is as follows 1. The static feminine The basic feature of the static feminine principle is the cycle of life-- its creation, nourishment and destruction. It accepts and affirms life in all forms with its beauty, ugliness and imperatives. It is that part of our selves which says “I am because I am.” It is like Mother Nature which both nourishes and devours. It makes us engage with repetitive cyclical patterns of eating, drinking, copulating and eventually, dying without question, discernment or discrimination. “The Village,” a film based on the life of an insular community living in almost perfect harmony with nature, is a classic description of the static feminine principle. In its positive form, it nourishes and sustains life, and in its negative form it entangles us in meaningless ritualistic existence.

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2. The dynamic masculine This is the diagonal opposite of the static feminine principle and is expressed through assertion, initiative and goal-directed action. It is that part of our selves which says “I am because I am potent.” In a sense, it is that part of oneself which wishes to find release from the strangle-hold of the static feminine and establish its own autonomy and independent individuality. In its positive form, it enables us to act upon the world, gain mastery over our environment and chart our own destiny. In its negative form, it leads to violence, rape, ecological destruction and disregard for the effect of our action on others. Most stories of heroic conquest and demonic oppression are based on this principle. 3. The static masculine The destructive entanglement of the static feminine and the potential chaos of the dynamic masculine are countered by the discernment and containment of the static masculine. It is that part of our selves which says “I am because I can think, discern and judge.” It enables us to regulate, create order, lay down principles and manage boundaries. In its positive form, it facilitates justice, fairness, co-existence and social order. In its negative form, it leads to rigidity, lifelessness, righteousness and dehumanization. The character of the College Principal in the film “Mohabbatein”, who abhors any deviation from tradition and norms and looks at emotionality as a threat, is a copy-book example of the static masculine. 4. The dynamic feminine The dynamic feminine is the diagonal opposite of the static masculine principle. In the film “Mohabbatein” mentioned above, it is represented by the music teacher who embodies love, vibrancy and spontaneous expression. It is that part of our selves which says “I am because I am alive.” In its positive form, it is the source of exploration, experimentation, playfulness, creativity and transformation. In its negative form, it leads to hysteria, depression, moodiness, despair, substance abuse and destruction.

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Implications for the Child Man If we use this framework to explore the Child Man psyche, it seems clear that in him, there is not merely an almost complete absence of the static-masculine principle but also the inability to accept staticmasculine authority from an external source. Amongst our three protagonists, Balarama and Bhima at least show some yielding to the external static-masculine authority (in the form of Krishna and Yudhisthira), but in case of Duryodhana, there is a complete rejection of any such source (for example, grandsire Bhishma and uncle Vidura). Karna was perhaps the only static-masculine influence in his life, but given Karna’s own personal demons and his deep sense of gratitude towards Duryodhana, he could scarcely voice his own convictions, let alone exercise any authority. In almost all portrayals of Child Man characters in literature and cinema, we find that either the static-masculine authority figure is absent or, has a troubled relationship with the protagonist. Thus, Birju in “Mother India” and Vijay in “Deewar” lose their fathers in childhood while the Vijay in “Shakti” grows up with a strong feeling of having been deserted by a static-masculine father who would rather uphold his duty than protect his son. In the absence of the counterbalancing static-masculine force, the dynamic-feminine runs amok in the Child Man’s psyche and has the individual firmly in her grip. In Balarama and Bhima, both the positive and negative sides of the dynamic-feminine can be seen whereas in case of Duryodhana, it is only the negative side which calls the shots. Sometimes, the staticmasculine authority can be so overpowering that the individual runs into the arms of the dynamic-feminine (mostly in its negative side) to find some solace. A poignant depiction of this phenomenon was the Dinakar Joshi’s Marathi play “Mahatma vs. Gandhi” (later made into the film called “Gandhi—My Father”), based on the Mahatma’s relationship with his eldest son, Harilal. Whether or not it accurately depicts the two historical characters is beside the point. What it shows is how the son is unable to cope with the strong static-masculine side of the father and turns into an alcoholic and self-destructive waster.

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Unlike Harilal, the Child Man expresses the dynamic-feminine through the channel of the dynamic-masculine. Outwardly, he seems to be operating from within the dynamic-masculine. He is assertive, aggressive, powerful, courageous, and one who constantly seeks challenge. However, as argued earlier in the chapter on “Colors of Self-centricity,” he lacks the basic drive of the dynamic-masculine, i.e., goal-directed purposiveness. This is partly due to the absence of the static-masculine and partly due to the fact that his dynamic-masculinity is essentially compensatory in nature. It is a mix of the dynamicfeminine and the negative side of the static-feminine. None of our three protagonists received adequate affirmation from their mothers. Duryodhana was virtually abandoned by his blind-folded mother and entrusted to the care of her brother, Shakuni, who had his own axe to grind. Balarama grew up away from his biological mother Devaki and had to cope with Krishna’s centrality with other mother figures. Only Bhima received some positive affirmation from his mother Kunti and the man-servant Beliya. Thus, each of them coped with their sense of abandonment differently—Duryodhana through cruelty, Balarama through indifference and Bhima through craving. This lack of positive affirmation from the static-feminine and absence of a positive experience of the static-masculine, places the Child Man in a peculiar situation. In a sense, he dies to the mother and is never born to the father, a theme which we will explore in some detail at a later stage. Thus, while his outward behaviour and interfaces are driven by the dynamic-masculine orientation, it is evident that he is actually a classic case of an anima-possessed individual. When the feminine qualities (such as caring, sensitivity, spontaneity, relatedness, etc.) are not consciously integrated in a man’s personality, sometimes they are repressed into the unconscious and tend to overwhelm or “possess” the individual. Such men have low impulse control and appear childish to others. Similarly, when the masculine qualities (such as autonomy, discernment, assertion, etc.) are not consciously integrated in a woman’s personality, sometimes they are repressed into the unconscious and tend to overwhelm or “possess” the individual. Such women are quick to form opinions/judgments, have low tolerance

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for differences and generally appear as opinionated and domineering to others. In Jungian psychology such individuals are referred to “animapossessed” and “animus-possessed” respectively.

Men and Women Masculinity and femininity are generic principles applicable to both genders. However, men and women are also impacted by the salience of their respective bio-existential imperatives, gender roles and stereotypes. For instance, dynamic masculinity is almost exclusively associated with the male gender, to the extent that the term “manliness” has practically become a synonym for the dynamicmasculine principle in almost all languages and cultures. Similarly, the static-feminine principle is strongly associated with the female gender. Thus, the “pursuit of prowess,” which is primarily a feature of the dynamic-masculine principle, has a strong link with the male gender. Perhaps “attractiveness” plays the same role in the female psyche as prowess plays in the male psyche. Important factors in this regard are the differential sources of “self-worth” and the meaning of “power” in the two genders. For men, power is essentially of the “push” variety, i.e., forcing one’s way in, acting upon the context, and making an impact. On the other hand, power for women is primarily of the “pull” variety, i.e., attracting the other to one’s self, assimilating and transforming. Partly, this difference stems from the nature of the sexual act itself and partly from the way gender roles have evolved over the human history. Thus, vengeance which is a primary motive in the Child Man psyche, is more likely to be played out in women through the “femme fatale” syndrome rather than through pursuit of prowess, unless, of course, we look at sexual pull as a kind of prowess also. In this context, it is interesting to note that the femme fatale shares many similarities with the Child Man—lack of positive affirmation from the static-feminine source and a troubled relationship with the static-masculine symbol, being the most obvious ones. Almost all accounts of femme fatale characters in literature and cinema include a history of childhood abuse (mostly of a sexual nature by a trusted male authority figure), which the protagonist had suffered.

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The social stereotypes of gender roles also often lead to women directing their rage towards themselves rather than at the others. Take the case of X, an extremely intelligent, sensitive and artistically gifted young woman. X is the only daughter of a rich, indulgent but patriarchal father and a somewhat neurotic and depression-prone mother. As a growing child, X received everything except sensitivity and affirmation of her being, to the extent that when she was molested as a three year old, her mother put the blame on her. The father was willing to indulge all her whims except letting her find her own voice and her own feet. The only way X could deal with this mixture of indulgence and insensitivity was by turning her rage inwards and getting on to the royal road of self destruction through unbridled impulsivity and self-waste. Though an alumni of one of the most prestigious institutes of the country, X never bothered to invest in her own career. She chose to marry a man more than twice her age, avoided having any children and shunned all role responsibilities. As she began to gain some insights into her own self, this is how X described her situation. “I have been in a ‘room for one passenger life’ which I had constructed for myself with the influence of family dynamics. I have tried nihilism as a way to be safe . . . rejected all values, all relationships, all commitments and mocked at people who held them dearly. I have had a shrunken view of my own nature. I believed I loved myself, but in fact I hardly knew myself. I had no clue how to nurture and respect myself. Diminished in vitality and intuiting, I feel like I have been crippled for too long. I recognize that I fear ‘responsibility.’ This is an important beginning. If I feel in no way responsible for my own predicament, then how can I change anything? Responsibility seemed inextricably bound with the need to blame, to prove that it isn’t my fault and that the other is wrong, to insist on my own helplessness, perhaps like my mother used to. When I do win, I feel like a victim, impotent and angry. When I lose, I feel shame and anger . . . strange that I have played this pattern over and over in my most valuable relationships and created a no-win situation for both of us.

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I have been a tough judge. I have put myself on trial and sentenced myself to self-hatred. For the first time I am learning to nurture myself . . . I am learning what that means and I can see there is a comfort in my own skin—after all these years.” With greater flexibility in gender roles, several new avenues have opened up for women to deploy the dynamic-masculine principle. Thus, the pursuit of prowess, both physical and intellectual, now plays a fairly significant role in the female psyche also. In most cases, this pursuit is not compensatory in nature and is often accompanied by a fair degree of emotional stability and integration. A distinct advantage that women have in this respect is that prowess is not linked to the affirmation of their gender identity and hence does not carry the same compulsiveness that it does in case of men. On the other hand, the distinct disadvantage that women have is being at the receiving end in a patriarchal society. The consequent rage and reactivity lends another kind of compulsiveness to the pursuit of prowess in women, i.e., the need to prove that one is as good if not better, and to master the art of fighting from an underdog location. Thus, it is hardly surprising that the Child Man psyche in women often manifests itself in highly animus-ridden individuals, just as in case of men it shows up in highly anima-ridden individuals. Another significant factor is that the dynamic masculinity of women invites a much higher degree of hostility than that of men. I recall a very senior woman corporate executive having said, “In order to compete in the corporate world, first the woman has to demonstrate a high degree of initiative and aggression, and than she is beaten up for these very qualities because she is experienced as over dominating and hence, defying the prevalent stereotype of the female gender role.” The film “Bandit Queen” was an excellent depiction of these mutually reinforcing twin processes—the rage of the oppressed woman and the hostile response to her dynamic masculinity. Thus, it would seem that both for men and women, a significant source of the Child Man psyche lies in a troubled relationship with one’s own gender. To an extent, all human beings have to carry the burden

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of their gender identity. There is no man who is never plagued by the doubt “Am I man enough?” and there is no woman who is totally free from the rage and resentment of being the disadvantaged one. What distinguishes the Child Man from most other people is the intensity of this burden and the response to it. Thus, the male Child Man desperately clings to his gender identity and thereby, becomes a captive of his repressed anima whereas the female Child Man desperately fights her gender identity and thereby, becomes a slave of her animus.

Notes 1. Scholars of gender psychology are generally divided into two categoriesa) Essentialists, who believe that there are basic differences between men and women, and; b) Constructivists, who believe that all differences between the two genders are on account of socio-cultural conditioning and stereotypes. The categorization serves little purpose as both sides are equally valid. I have therefore chosen to use the broad categories of bio-existential (biology, evolution etc.) factors and socio-cultural factors. Since the two sets of factors are closely intertwined and can not be separated from each other, it would be futile to debate which is more important. 2. In recent times, the term “female impotence” has also been used but its primary purpose is to highlight that frigidity can also be physiological and not only psychological. While this may cause the sexual act to be extremely distasteful or painful for the woman, it does not render it impossible as erectile dysfunction can.

CHAPTER 16

Communion Through Agency

Agency/Communion is a basic duality of human existence. Our agentic side propels us towards autonomy, assertion, individuality and a sense of wholeness with our selves. It makes us say “The world is because I am, I am responsible for myself and to myself, I can chart my own destiny and others provide a context for my being, for my needs and for my desires.” On the other hand, the need for communion emphasizes our relatedness, our wish to belong and our need to merge our selves into a larger entity. It makes us say “I am because the world is and because my existence has a special meaning for some one other than me, by myself I am incomplete and my life is meaningless without relating to others and without belonging to something larger than my self.” Behaviorally, the Child Man appears highly agentic: he is self absorbed, often a compulsive talker, generally insensitive to others and mostly full of himself. However, his real search is for Communion. Amongst our three protagonists, this is most clearly visible in case of Bhima, particularly in his relationship with Draupadi. The strong, stubborn Bhima becomes a little child in front of Draupadi and is ever-ready to do her bidding. To an extent, we can also see the same process in Balarama in his relationship with Krishna. While in case of Duryodhana, the need for communion is not manifested in any single relationship (except marginally with Karna), his strong need to be regarded as the “special one” is hard to miss. Thus, the heightened agency of the Child Man is the route through which he wishes to fulfill his need for communion. Ironically the more he tries, the more difficult it becomes for him to experience any real communion.

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Essentially, the Child Man is a person for whom relationships take precedence over everything else. The categories of right/wrong, true/false, good/bad, beautiful/ugly have little meaning for him. The only category which appeals to him is one of “my people” and “not my people.” Animosity with his own people is extremely painful for him and so the thought of the two brothers being on opposite sides is unthinkable for Balarama, whereas for Krishna, the issue is essentially seen in terms of Dharma and Adharma. Once the Child Man accepts the “other” as a part of “my people”, all boundaries between him and the other become unacceptable; and even the slightest of dissonances can become a source of tremendous anguish, as we saw in case of Balarama in his relationship with Krishna. In a sense, the “other” becomes an extension of the Child Man and loses all rights to his/her own individuality. The Child Man offers his total commitment and unconditional acceptance without any moral judgment to the “other,” so long as the “other” is willing to let go of his/her separateness. This craving for a symbiotic link and the attempts to forge it through prowess are perhaps rooted in the Child Man’s experience of inadequate affirmation from the static-feminine source. This often leaves the individual with a residual feeling of being basically unlovable. Thus, the individual seeks to enhance his/her prowess to the point where the other would be compelled to give him the love, affirmation and special status which he/she so desperately seeks. For many people, inadequate affirmations only generate despair, futility and self-waste, as perhaps in the case of Gandhi’s son, Harilal. However, Harilal’s pursuit of prowess remained a fantasy and never got actualized. To his credit, the Child Man does not give up easily and keeps investing in his own prowess but tragically, the more he tries, the more he fails. Thus, with great effort, Vijay of “Deewar” buys the building where his mother had worked as a manual laborer only to be rebuffed by her, further alienating himself from her. It’s the same fate for Birju in “Mother India” when he steals the pair of bangles which his mother had pawned with the village money lender. Even our protagonist, Bhima, fails to elicit the desired reaction from Draupadi after forcibly taking the flowers from Kubera’s pond.

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Implications for Relationships This mix of high dynamic masculinity and a strong craving for love has many implications for the Child Man’s world of relationships. He is either a loner or has a small group of fiercely loyal followers who are invariably inferior to him in prowess. As Suyodhana points out to Duryodhana in their final encounter, the only way that he could receive love was through abject surrender. Thus, invariably, the Child Man has a strong affinity with the underdog and considerable difficulty in relating to those who are either his equals or superior in status and power. Even the otherwise cruel Duryodhana can find some empathy for the underdog Karna and by and large, restricts his villainy only to those he regarded as his equals or superiors. The Child Man cannot see himself as a “helpless victim” though internally he may feel that he has been given a raw deal. As Duryodhana says to his mother, “I am not one of those who simply bemoan their ill-fate. If fate has been cruel to me, I have to take matters into my own hands and do the best that I can.” His own “victimhood” is often projected onto others for whom he can act as the “saviour.” In this sense, the Child Man may be regarded as a co-dependent individual who has a strong need for others to depend upon him and is unable to forge meaningful relationships with those who don’t need to. When the “other” is willing to let go of his/her individuality, the Child Man can be extremely caring and generous, at times even to the point of his own detriment. Thus, it took a very simple set up for the enemies of Sunny (in “The Godfather”) to provoke his rage by making his sister call him about the abuse from her husband, to make him abandon all caution and get killed. However, when the “other” wishes to preserve his/her own individuality, he/she is left with no other choice except to desert him, no matter how strong his/her love for the Child Man. In this sense, the Child Man’s attempts at communion invariably become self defeating. I knew of an exceptionally gifted teacher who had a strong following amongst his students but was intensely disliked by almost all his colleagues. He belonged to the rare breed of intellectuals who could combine erudition with originality and creative thinking, but never

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received the acclaim which he deserved. In part, it was due to his own unwillingness to consolidate his insights and link them to the existing body of knowledge but it was also partly because of his messy interfaces. Even more sadly, almost all of his protégées were forced to desert him once they found their own feet. While the Child Man revels in other people’s dependence on him, his own dependence on others is a totally different matter. Any favour done to him is either repaid ten times over in double quick time or, taken for granted and attributed totally to the other person’s need to give. In either case, the Child Man remains free of any sense of obligation. Thus, the people on whom the Child Man depends are often treated with insensitivity and callousness and run the risk of considerable abuse, particularly if the other person also has a strong streak of co-dependency. However, the co-dependency of the other person is of a very different kind than that of the Child Man. Whereas in case of the Child Man, the co-dependency is accompanied by a need to dominate, for the other, it is accompanied by a need to submit. In a sense, the other becomes a counter-point to the Child Man. While the Child Man is seeking communion through agency, the other is seeking agency through communion. A dramatic illustration of this dynamic was portrayed in the film “Raging Bull” in the relationship between the boxing champion Jake La Motta and his wife Vickie. Essentially, the Child Man’s relationships are governed by a strong craving for the static-feminine and a troubled relationship with the static-masculine. Interestingly, in many portrayals of the Child Man psyche, the protagonist has a strong dyadic relationship with someone who is high on static-femininity and low on static masculinity (generally a side-kick, like Circuit in the “Munnabhai” films). However, eventually in such portrayals, the protagonist dies in the arms of someone who embodies the positive side of both principles, i.e., is both loving and caring as well as highly principled. Generally, this character is the mother (“Mother India,” “Deewar,” “Vaastav,” “Agneepath”) but sometimes it could also be the childhood sweetheart (“Muqaddar ka Sikandar”) or even a brother (“Gunga Jamuna”).

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The theme is unmistakable—the static masculine, which in Child Man’s eyes is the major hurdle between him and the static-feminine, has to be paid its due for any chance of redemption.

Man-Woman Relationships The dynamics of the Child Man’s relationships are played out most dramatically in his/her man-woman relations. The male Child Man invariably gets attracted to a static-feminine woman and generally relates to her with a mixture of deification and oppression. Once he discovers the negative side of the static-feminine, the “love of his life” turns into an insufferable, possessive nag from whom he desperately keeps trying to escape either through other relationships, activities or substance abuse, unless of course he learns to accept the natural imperatives of the static-feminine and the social injunctions of the static-masculine. The case of the female Child Man is even more complex. This is so because her self-concept is based on a strong denial of her gender identity and she carries considerable disdain towards the staticfeminine, both within herself and in others. Consequently, it becomes difficult for her to find someone who is “man enough” for her and even when she does, she rarely acknowledges her own attraction and turns the other into a competitor/adversary. The relationship of Scarlett O’Hara with Rhett Butler (“Gone with the Wind”) is a classic example of this phenomenon. On the other hand, the static-feminine man offers her some hope for affirmation and acceptance but is seen by her as too much of a weakling to deserve any real respect and therefore, his affirmation becomes meaningless. The affirmation which she actually seeks is from the static-masculine but here again, she finds herself in a curious double bind. Since to her, the static-masculine is essentially an oppressor (either by himself or as a representative of the unfair patriarchal order), she has the compulsion to defy him and this, in turn, becomes a major obstacle to receiving the love and affirmation which she so desperately seeks.

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I know of a woman who lost her mother when she was barely three years old. Her father was either unwilling or incapable of taking up any role responsibility and hence found the easy way out of entrusting the task of bringing her up to an assorted set of relatives. During this period, she suffered considerable abuse—physical, mental and sexual. Not surprisingly, she grew up with a strong belief that she was her only resource. That she still managed to carve out a successful and meaningful life for herself, speaks volumes of her inner strength and resilience. However, most of her relationships remain caught between her strong need to give and receive love and her basic mistrust of the world both in terms of competence and intent. With her innate warmth and generosity, she keeps drawing people to herself but at the slightest hint of dissonance all the old ghosts come rushing back. In such moments, she is experienced as obstinate, opinionated and controlling which leaves her feeling even more misunderstood and unloved. This process is even more acute in the man-woman relationships because it is virtually impossible to find a man who does not carry any residues of the oppressive patriarchal order. Male and female Child Men are two sides of the same coin, similar as well as different. Both crave for affirmation of their being but seek it in a way which is self defeating. The male Child Man is caught in his fear of the negative side of the static-feminine and his disdain towards the static-masculine. Consequently, he keeps demanding affirmation—some times as a petulant child and some times as loyal pet. In a sense, what he is saying is “How can you not love me? I will do all that it takes, including committing excesses and throwing tantrums if required, to receive your attention and affirmation.” On the other hand, the female Child Man is caught in her fear of the oppressive side of the static-masculine and her disdain towards the static-feminine. Consequently, she goes out of her way to test the genuineness of the affirmation which she receives. In a sense, what she is saying is “How can anyone ever love me? I will keep making myself as undesirable and obnoxious as possible till you are forced to accept that your love is not for real.”

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A direct consequence of this is that in both cases, the individual finds it very difficult to yield to any kind of external authority from the other gender. Thus, it was easy for Krishna to dissuade Duryodhana from following his mother’s instructions which led, ultimately, to his downfall. Similarly, the female Child Man has a compulsive need to defy any external male authority since the only “male” that she can listen to is the one which resides within her self, particularly when she is in trouble. It is only through gracing the static-masculine in himself that the male Child Man can overcome his terror of the negative side of the static-feminine in the other. Similarly, by gracing the static-feminine side of her self, the female Child Man overcomes her paranoia of the oppressive static-masculine in the other.

CHAPTER 17

The Child Man and the “EQ-wallahs”

Thanks to Daniel Goleman, terms like Emotional intelligence and Emotional Quotient (EQ) have become a part of popular vocabulary, particularly in the corporate circles. Based on the work of Peter Salovey and John Mayer, Goleman has postulated the following five elements which constitute emotional intelligence 1. Self-Awareness 2. Self-Regulation 3. Motivation 4. Empathy 5. Social Skills

Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources and Intuitions Managing one’s internal states, impulses and resources Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals Awareness of others’ feelings needs and concerns Adeptness at inducing desirable response in others.

If our protagonists were to take an EQ test based on this framework, they are sure to fail rather miserably but so, perhaps, would the likes of Van Gogh, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Mirza Ghalib, Michael Jackson, John McEnroe and scores of exceptionally gifted individuals. It is tempting to postulate an inverse relationship between creative genius and emotional maturity, but perhaps the real issue lies in the lop-sided perspective of emotional intelligence that we hold. Our notion of emotional intelligence is heavily influenced by a context in which the “market place” is the ultimate god and “patri-centricity” the only

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viable way to live. Note, for instance, that the above list consists primarily of elements of the static-masculine and dynamic-masculine principles. The dynamic-feminine is totally missing while there is a token recognition of the static-feminine through “empathy.” However, even this is diluted, as “empathy” has primarily been used in the sense of understanding, fair play and problem solving rather than in the sense of love, affirmation and compassion. The basic assumption seems to be that each individual is an isolated entity and operates on Ayn Rand’s principle of “enlightened self interest.” Thus, the five elements put together conjure up a picture of a successful corporate executive who is in total control of himself and is generally on top of his situation, someone who feels but the expression of his feelings is governed by appropriateness and functionality, someone who is well liked and whose relationships and interfaces are smooth, someone who can assert without being aggressive, someone who is never overpowered by emotion, someone who is generally “cool and composed” and gets angry only for the “right reasons” but even then, never “loses it” and ensures that his anger is only used constructively. In other words, what Mr. Goleman has proposed is a framework where the “emotive and primitive” are alive but strictly under the thumb of the “rational and civilized,” a framework which is willing to accommodate Dionysus provided he accepts the supremacy of Apollo. Unfortunately, Dionysus knows that this would finish him off and hence prefers to live in the dark recesses of our souls, rather than become a slave of Apollo. In a sense, the Child Man is that part of our selves which refuses to surrender to Apollonian tyranny. It neither listens to the voice of reason nor does it pay any heed to pragmatic considerations or social/moral conventions. Like a child, it relentlessly pursues whatever catches it’s fancy and keeps playing with fire. Without a second thought, it goes in search of the flowers desired by the beloved, no matter what the consequences. It is at the source of all our heroism and all our villainy. When accompanied by a strong mission (either for the self, or for the context), it strongly resonates with poet Mohammed. Iqbal’s famous verse

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“Khudi ko kar buland itna, ki har taqdeer se pehle khuda bande se khud puche bata teri raza kya hai”

(Take your prowess to such heights that even the Almighty has to seek your concurrence before finalizing your destiny). Similarly, when accompanied by a sense of well-being, it leads us to playfulness, spontaneity, curiosity, adventure, exuberance and aliveness. It turns the world into a beautiful garden for us to play in or into a canvass for us to paint on in any manner that we feel like without any regard for the output. It releases us from the compulsions of goal-directed pursuits and our activities and expressions become an end in themselves. However, devoid of a strong mission and positive sense of well-being (as happens in the case of the Child Man psyche), it can easily become a source of meaningless destruction. In any case, the transformative potential of this psyche is far too threatening for the stability of the existing order. Therefore, it is hardly surprising that in most modern cultures, the process of socialization invariably entails suppression/repression of this part. The net result is that in our efforts to contain and manage the down side of this psyche, even its positive potential gets lost. Simply put, the process of socialization often ends up chopping off the head in order to eliminate the head-ache. Even more importantly, the suppression/repression comes with its own unintended consequences. The Child Man does not vanish but merely gets pushed into the psychic/social underbelly, where it becomes even more deadly. A dramatic account of this phenomenon was portrayed by Agatha Christie in her novel “The Curtain: Poirot’s Last Case,” through the character of Stephen Norton. Norton was the only son of a bossy woman. He was mild-mannered and quite incapable of asserting himself. He was slightly lame and so unable to take part in games and sports in his childhood. He had a morbid fear of violence and was often ridiculed by his friends when he was a child. He grew into a likable sort of a chap who no one took much notice of. Thus, in behavioural terms, Norton was almost the exact

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opposite of our three protagonists. Yet, the rage within him was so strong that he triggered off a series of murders by simply acting as a catalyst and influencing others to commit the crime. Even the great Hercule Poirot had no answer to this masterful technique and had to kill Norton himself before taking his own life. The villainy of a Duryodhana is visible and direct whereas the villainy of a Norton or a Shakuni is a lot more subtle and hence that much more deadly. Yet, the Duryodhanas of this world are likely to frighten us a lot more than a Norton or a Shakuni. Is it because of our unconscious belief that we are smart enough to deal with a Norton or a Shakuni? Or, is it because of our excessive fear of the “primitive” and our relative blindness to the villainy of the “civilized?” Perhaps, if Duryodhana was to use Suyodhana as a mask rather than throwing him into the dungeons, like Norton, he may well have been able to get away with several murders. Evolutionary biologists tell us that our primitive, instinctual and emotive brain came much before our rational and analytical brain and that it plays a vital role in our survival, both as individuals and as a species. It would be reasonable to assume that survival is possible without the rational brain but not so without the primitive brain. Yet, mostly we associate “primitive” with something which is dark, undesirable, savage, terrifying, amoral and totally devoid of virtues like love, compassion and altruism. Evidence from the animal world does not support such a belief and it has even been suggested (for example, by Richard Dawkins) that virtues like altruism may well be products of an evolutionary process rather than thought-out choices of our rational self. Nonetheless, the “primitive, emotive and instinctual” part of our selves is at least recognized and even acknowledged as useful by the “EQ-wallahs” provided, of course, it remains under the control of the rational and civilized. On the other hand, the trans-rational part of ourselves (the spiritual and the mystical) is totally ignored. Thus, not merely the alcoholic Ghalib but also the epileptic and mystical Ramakrishna would fare rather poorly in an EQ test. What this ignores is the necessity of respecting and integrating all the three elements.

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As Hanuman advises his brother Bhima, wholeness necessarily entails the coming together of the primal (emotive and instinctual), the civilised (rational and analytical) and the trans-rational (divine and spiritual). None of these can exist in isolation as brilliantly portrayed by Dostoevsky in his masterpiece, “The Brothers Karamazov.” The eldest brother, Dmitri, is stormy, passionate, violent and unbridled, and evokes a mixture of attraction and fear in others. He ends up being convicted (though wrongfully) of killing his father. The second brother, Ivan, who is erudite, composed, highly rational and civilized, is generally respected but not close to anyone and ends up with brain fever and a feeling of guilt of having instigated his illegitimate brother to kill the old man. The youngest brother, Alyosha, starts off in a monastery to become a priest but comes back to the outside world on the advice of his mentor. The sensitive, compassionate and spiritually gifted Alyosha is liked and trusted by everyone, but generally fails to significantly impact any situation, except to some extent, a group of teenagers. It is extremely interesting that at no point in the book (except for a very short time at the beginning) do the three brothers come together. Also, there is virtually no direct exchange between Dmitri and Ivan and most of their inner struggles are portrayed in conversation with Aloysha who primarily acts as a listener and receptacle of their woes. While Dostoevsky’s strong emotive leaning towards Aloysha comes out clearly, there is also a clear recognition that without Dmitri and Ivan, even Aloysha is incomplete. As Lisa (the only girl with whom Aloysha could have had a romantic relationship), says to him, “You are unfit to be a husband. I’d marry you, and suddenly give you a note to take to someone I’d fallen in love with after you, and you would take it and make sure to deliver it, and even bring back the reply. And you’d be forty years old and still be carrying such notes.” In contrast, women are instinctively (and almost in spite of themselves) drawn towards the wild, impulsive and irresponsible Dmitri. During his trial, there is a clear divide between the two genders, with all the women hoping for his acquittal and all the men wanting him punished. The parallel with the large female following of the ugly, erratic and wild Dionysus is hard to miss. Perhaps there is a message here—the primitive and wild parts of our selves are as important and

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necessary as the civilized and spiritual parts. The three Karamazov brothers need to befriend each other rather than try to eliminate or seek dominance over each other. However, the stranglehold of the rational and civilized over our notions of emotional maturity propels us to treat the wild and primitive with fear and revulsion and the spiritual and trans-rational with skepticism. Ken Wilber has used the terms pre-rational, rational and transrational for these three stages and posited an evolutionary relationship between them. The moot question is whether the movement across these stages occurs through the evolutionary process of “including and transcending” or through “suppression and denial.” As we saw in the chapter on “The Age of Reason,” when the movement happens through suppression and denial it creates a disassociation between the realm of emotion and the realm of reason. Recently, a friend shared with me his experience of having asked a colleague in an official meeting whether she was angry. The response he got was an irritated denial and a statement to the effect that her feelings were her personal matter and had nothing to do with the issue at hand. This stubborn insistence that our logic and rationality operate independent of our feelings and the naïve belief that that our feelings are exclusively are our own only is a direct consequence of this disassociation between the realm of emotion and the realm of reason. A similar disassociation can occur (and in fact, is frequently encountered) between the realm of reason and the realm of faith. Often, we hear comments such as “This is a matter of faith and has nothing to do with either reason or emotion.” Thus, faith becomes a convenient crutch for blind following, adherence to superstition, communal intolerance and violence. As Wilber points out, since both pre-rational and trans-rational are non-rational in nature, it is very easy to mistake one for the other. A mere infatuation can be easily mistaken for deep sublime love, and genuine deep insights of a mystic can be treated as mere hallucinations of a schizophrenic. Notions of maturity which over-emphasise the Apollonian principle are particularly susceptible to such disassociation leaving all three, Dmitri, Ivan and Alyosha, to suffer in their isolated hells.

CHAPTER 18

Road to Manhood

It is often said that the journey from being a “boy” to becoming a “man” entails dying to the mother and being born to the father or, in other words leaving the world of women and entering the adult male world. In all ancient tribal societies, this transition was accompanied by elaborate rites and rituals of initiation. These were, of course, designed for a context in which the social roles of the two genders were heavily differentiated and served the important purpose of preparing the individual to take up his assigned social role. Additionally, they also fulfilled the psychological need to be mentored by an adult male, particularly with respect to integrating the wild and primitive side of ourselves instead of either repressing/suppressing it or getting overwhelmed by it. Robert Bly has used the term “male mothering” and used the fairy tale of Iron John to highlight what this process may entail. The initial parts of the story are particularly relevant for our purpose and hence are being recounted below. “Once upon a time, there was a thick forest near a kingdom. Any one who entered this forest never returned and so it was declared “out of bounds” by the king. One day, a hunter approached the king and sought his permission to enter the forest. The king refused at first, but finally relented. The hunter entered the forest with his dog. Soon the dog, following a scent, ran away and went and stood near a pond. A long hairy hand appeared from the pond and took the dog under the water. Seeing this, the hunter returned to the city and fetched some buckets and some people to assist him. They emptied out the pond and found a wild, hairy man on the floor of the pond whose complexion was that of rusty iron. They tied up the wild man with

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ropes and brought him back into the city. The king was extremely delighted, rewarded the hunter and put the wild man into a strong iron cage. The cage was placed in the courtyard of the palace and properly locked. The king forbade everyone to open the cage and gave the key of the lock to the queen for safekeeping. One day, while the eight year old son of the king was playing in the courtyard, his golden ball fell into the wild man’s cage. The prince requested the wild man to return the ball, but the later insisted that first the prince should open the door of the cage and let him out. Hearing this, the prince ran away in fright but since he very much wanted his ball back, returned soon thereafter to tell the wild man that even if he wanted to, he couldn’t open the cage as he did not have the key. The wild man responded by informing him that the key was under his mother’s pillow. Gathering all his courage, the prince stole the key and opened the door of the cage. As promised, the wild man returned the golden ball to the prince and started to walk away. Seeing this, the prince felt even more frightened and pleaded with the wild man, ‘If you go away they will punish me!’ ‘That is right,’ replied the wild man and then turned around to pick up the prince, put him on his shoulder and took him into the forest with him.” The rest of the story deals with the initiations and adventures of the prince, first in the forest and then in another nearby kingdom and his eventual coming of age. The story has several important messages. It tells us that beneath the deep pond of our psyche, there exists a wild primitive being. The terror generated by it is so strong that most of the time we do not even enter the depths of our being. Most civilized societies place it in a cage with strong prohibitions related to letting it out. Interestingly, the wild man is not killed, presumably because of the unconscious recognition that his existence is imperative for our own survival. This is exactly what has been stated earlier about the relationship between Apollo and Dionysus (see the chapter on “EQ-wallahs”). Dionysus must exist, but only as a slave of Apollo.

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Further, the encounter with the wild man is generally preceded by the loss of the golden ball (a symbol of our wholeness and grandeur). In other words a narcissistic injury creates the trigger for the wild and primitive side of our selves to come to the surface. However the comfortable world of the mother (a symbol of static-feminine in the story) and the injunctions of the father (a symbol of the staticmasculine) inhibit us from letting the wild man come out into the open. Thus, only if we decide to release ourselves from these clutches, the wild man can become a potential guide and mentor. The Child Man’s journey to manhood begins with a feeling of being ejected out of the realm of the mother and a feeling of being let down in the realm of the father. Thus, the Child Man dies to the mother and is never born to the father. All three of our protagonists carry a feeling of rejection from the mother and none of them has any faith in the established order of the static-masculine world of the father to heal their narcissistic injury and restore them to wholeness. This is most stark in case of Duryodhana who finds his blind father a helpless and impotent victim and feels that all the other father figures (grandsire Bhishma and uncle Vidura) are unduly partial towards his cousins, the Pandavas. In the face of this failed dependency both from the realm of the mother and that of the father, the Child Man surrenders totally to the wild and primitive being within himself, but has no “Iron John” to guide him through this journey. He does confront his fear of the “wild and primitive,” but the rest of his journey is full of hits and misses, with more misses than hits. Thus the wild side is fully awakened in the Child Man psyche but it never matures into the spontaneity of an adult and remains a captive of his narcissistic wounds and infantile impulsivity. Bly quotes the police chief of Detroit as having commented, “the young men we arrest not only don’t have any responsible older man in their house they have never met one. When you look at a gang you are looking at young men who have no older men around them at all. Gang members try desperately to learn courage, family loyalty, and discipline from each other. It works for a few, but for most it doesn’t.”

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In a similar vein, Bhima bemoans his fate. “I had no one to guide and mentor me. Yudhisthira had Vidura, Arjuna had Krishna, Hanuman had Rama, even Duryodhana had Shakuni, but who did I have?” Out of our three protagonists, only Duryodhana had a “mentor” of sorts, but even he (Shakuni) could hardly be considered a role model for responsible adult manhood. Thus, on their own, our protagonists learn what ever they can in a sketchy, unguided and coincidental manner. Bhima does discover his nourishing side through working in the kitchen and learns some humility through his encounter with his elder brother, Hanuman. Similarly, Balarama learns to surrender (though reluctantly) to the superior wisdom of his younger brother, and to a limited extent, Duryodhana learns some “peer loyalty” through his relationship with Karna. But for the most part, their concept of “masculinity” remains primarily of the macho variety. They neither discover the softer and nourishing side of masculinity nor the logos principle of discernment and discrimination. Logos and Eros are two central principles of Jungian psychology and are generally associated with our masculine and feminine sides respectively. The Logos principle creates focused awareness which enables us to differentiate one thing from another, and thereby see ourselves, other people, objects and ideas as separate entities without confusing them with each other. It is the source of clarity, discrimination, objective analysis and judgment. On the other hand, the Eros principle emphasizes the interconnectedness of all people, creatures, objects and ideas. It is the source of bonding, empathy, love, beauty, sensuality, harmony, etc. Both these principles have their negative side. The negative sides of Logos are apathy, indifference, isolation, meaninglessness, cruelty and a propensity to treat one self and others as objects/instruments. The negative sides of Eros are hypersensitivity, confusion, sentimentality, indiscipline, naivete, codependence and a propensity for the diffusion of boundaries between one self and others. It is easy to see that in case of the Child Man, the Logos principle remains underdeveloped and that he is primarily governed by the Eros principle. While in Balarama and Bhima, both the negative and

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positive aspects of the Eros principle are visible, in Duryodhana we witness mostly the negative side. Perhaps, there is some relation between the underdeveloped Logos in the Child Man and his excessive preoccupation with “prowess.” If Logos and prowess are taken as the two basic anchors of masculinity, then the absence of one can easily lead to a higher dependence on the other. In this sense, the Child Man’s search for prowess can be regarded as essentially compensatory in nature. Further, since his narcissistic injury provides him with the energy to fuel his endless pursuit of prowess, he can not afford the luxury of healing his wounds. Thus, Duryodhana proclaims to his mother, “I like to be discontent!” In a similar vein, Vijay (the protagonist of Hindi film “Trishul”), states, “My wounds don’t heal easily!” Thus, the Child Man can neither escape his wounded masculinity nor allow it to heal. He continues to hold on to a highly macho notion of masculinity, engages in an endless pursuit of prowess and keeps hoping that one day he will become macho enough to call himself a “man.” The end result is that the wild and primitive being within him gets enlarged but never matures into responsible adulthood.

CHAPTER 19

The Child Man and Our Times

The story of our protagonists belongs to a mythological era which was very different from our own. The techno-economic conditions of human existence have changed considerably which in turn have meant a significant reconfiguration of family, social, gender and political relations. All these have several implications for the Child Man psyche. Until this point, most of our reflections have centered around the personal context and proclivities of the Child Man. In this chapter, we will explore the macro-context of human existence in our times and how that impacts the Child Man psyche. For this purpose, we will make a somewhat arbitrary distinction between the social, external and structural features of the present day context and the psychological, internal and emotive features. This distinction is necessary because, as we will see, these two sets of features pull the Child Man in opposite directions. The social, external and structural conditions of the present day world are such that they leave no legitimate space for the Child Man. On the other hand, the inner world of the individual is getting increasingly dominated and governed by the Child Man. A telling example of this phenomenon is the increasing racial and communal intolerance in a world which, at least structurally, is becoming more globalized. But before we venture into the exploration of the implications of the stress generated by these opposing forces, we first need to understand the nature of these forces. External and Structural Features Some of the elements of the social, external and structural world that we live in which directly impact the Child Man psyche are as follows:

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a) Synthetic and sanitized world Some time ago, a few monkeys visited our modern urban housing complex and found relatively easy access to food and open spaces to play in. Not surprisingly, and much to the horror of the residents, they chose to make a habit of visiting us more regularly. Most of us were ill-equipped to handle such a situation and soon we had a crisis on our hands. A Bhima or a Balarama, for whom such encounters were an every day affair, would have found our reactions utterly ridiculous and extremely hilarious. However, for us, it was no laughing matter since our own encounters with the animal world had been largely restricted to domesticated pets, zoos, jungle safaris and knowledge derived from T.V. channels. We had absolutely no idea how to deal with this menace other than keeping all our door and windows firmly locked. We live in a world which has firmly closed all its doors and windows to any unwelcome intrusion from the “wild and primitive.” This is not restricted only to the potentially threatening aspects of nature but often is extended to its benign aspects as well. It is virtually impossible these days to get naturally ripened mangoes since most of them are plucked early and then ripened artificially. Chirping of birds and starlit nights are a rarity in large metropolises, and rain is experienced by us through the safety of our balconies or through the inconvenience of water-logged roads. No wonder that events like a “rain dance” provide a great commercial opportunity for five star hotels and eco-tourism has become a great money spinner. The synthetic and sanitized nature of our world can also be seen in the realm of human emotions and relationships. As part of my work, I often come across grown up men and women who are totally at a loss when they have to deal with raw emotion, either in themselves or in others, to the extent that even someone crying or shouting becomes a major catastrophe for them. This discomfort of dealing with raw emotion has caused most human encounters to become increasingly superficial and transactional. There is a growing tendency to connect with others in as “indirect” a way as possible. Thus, mediums like text

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messaging, chatting chatting on on the the net net or or on on e-mails e-mails are are preferred preferred over over aa face face messaging, to face face connect connect or or talking. talking. While While economy economy and and logistical logistical convenience to may be some of the “ rational” explanations for this trend, trend, they they are may be some of the "rational" explanations for this unlikely to to be be the the only only reason. reason. In In fact, fact, some some advertisements advertisements even even show unlikely people sitting sitting next next to to each each other other and and communicating communicating through through SMS. people SMS. Perhaps the emotive reason for this trend is that it fulfi lls our Perhaps the emotive reason for this trend is that fulfills our need to connect connect with with other other people people and and also also protect protect ourselves ourselves from from our to our unconscious fears fears and and anxieties anxieties of of deeper deeper human human encounters. encounters. After After all, unconscious internet sex sex is is much much safer safer than than the the real real thing. thing. The The following following cartoon internet strip strip illustrates illustrates this this process process –BETWEEN FRIENDS WOW—THAT

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Imagine the the plight plight of of the the Child Child M Man in this this synthetic synthetic and and sanitized Imagine a n in sanitized scenario. The The Child Child Man, Man, who who is is primarily primarily governed governed by by his his wild wild and scenario. and primitive side, seems like a total misfi t in this world. primitive side, seems like a total misfit in this world. b) Less Less patriarchal patriarchal but but more more patri-centric b) patri-centric Patriarchy and and patri-centricity patri-centricity are are related related but but separate separate concepts. Patriarchy concepts. Patriarchy refers essentially to the balance of power in the relationship Patriarchy refers essentially to the balance of power in the relationship between the the two two genders. genders. Thus, Thus, preference preference for for aa male male child, child, subjugation between subjugation of women women and and treating treating them them as as property property or or weaker weaker and and hence hence in in need of of protection, etc., are signs of a patriarchal culture. On the of protection, etc., are signs of a patriarchal culture. On the other other hand, patri-centricity patri-centricity refers refers to to aa value value system system and and perspective perspective which which is is hand, primarily governed by our masculine side. It is primarily Logos driven, primarily governed by our masculine side. is primarily Logos has strong strong elements elements of of both both the the static-masculine static-masculine and and the the dynamichas masculine and and is is characterized characterized by by features features such such as as aa strong strong conscience, masculine purposefulness, goal-directed activity, emphasis on rules and and prinpurposefulness, goal-directed activity, emphasis on rules ciples, clear clear boundaries, boundaries, personal personal autonomy autonomy and and the the like. like. On On the the other ciples, other hand, hand, matri-centricity matri-centricity is is more more Eros Eros driven, driven, has has stronger stronger elements elements of of the static static and and dynamic dynamic feminine feminine and and is is characterized characterized by by features features such such as as a

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celebration of life, caring and compassion, emphasis on relationships, interconnectedness, spontaneous expression, inclusivity, unconditional affirmation of the self and others, etc. Admittedly, there is a relationship between patriarchy and patricentricity and the latter is only a by product of the former. Still, it is important to make a distinction between the two as they seem to be moving in opposite directions. Whereas patriarchy seems to be on the decline, patri-centricity, on the other hand, seems to be on the rise. While we are still reeling from the impact of centuries of patriarchy and are nowhere near true equality between the genders, the rise of feminism and the efforts of several reformers have at least started the process of developing more equitable relations between the genders. However, the reverse seems to be happening in the balance between patri-centricity and matri-centricity. In fact, the balance of power between the two genders has improved largely because of a higher patri-centric orientation among women. To that extent, we seem to be living in a world which is becoming less patriarchal but more patricentric. This duality is strongly manifest in our notions of leadership. For most people, an ideal leader is some one who is highly patri-centric without being overtly macho. The world-wide euphoria generated around the election of President Obama (who seems to have created a public image precisely on these lines), is an indicator of this trend. Not that the alpha-male (who is both patriarchal and patri-centric) is totally out, but he is fast giving way to the gentle and persuasive patri-centricity of the less macho man. However, the Child Man seems to be getting edged out from both sides in the present day world. As we saw earlier, his notion of masculinity is of a macho variety with the pursuit of prowess being a compensation for his being essentially driven by Eros and not Logos. He is patriarchal without being very patri-centric. In fact, in many ways, he can be called a matri-centric patriarch. His high emotionality, impulsivity, diffused boundaries, strong loyalties and concern for relationships, etc., indicate a strong matri-centric orientation. On the other hand, he is neither particularly focused on purposefulness nor very concerned about order, which are the main

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anchors of patri-centricity. Simultaneously, his preoccupation with his masculinity makes it extremely difficult for him to see other people, particularly women and those whom he regards as placed lower than him, as his equals. Thus, it is extremely important for him to “call the shots” and always be in the driver’s seat. In leadership roles, he becomes extremely macho and brings in a high degree of energy, but is unable to strategize and is reluctant to transcend his personal likes and dislikes. Not surprisingly, in modern day organizations, he rarely moves beyond middle management roles and is generally looked at as someone who is good only during the “start up” phase or can be used as a “trouble shooter.” c) The all important market-place In many ways, our present day world can be seen as a huge market place where products, services, skills, competencies, ideas, theories, etc., are being constantly bought and sold. At least in theory, there is no room in the market place for prejudices of race, religion, caste or creed. They are of no significance. All that matters is what you have to offer, not who you are and where you belong. In the market place, every one is equal and has the same opportunity to stand up and be counted. All transactions are expected to follow rational and objective laws of economics and not be influenced by subjective affiliative considerations. The valuation of any offering is determined by the dynamics of supply and demand—intrinsic worth and personal subjective assessments are of secondary importance and in the final analysis, must bow to the “price tag” which the market puts on any offering. A refusal to accept the finality of the “market judgment” is fraught with danger of extinction and hence, any kind of narcissistic adherence to one’s own subjective evaluation can be suicidal. Self interest, freedom of personal choice and mutual agreement are the main pillars of the market place. In other words, the kind of self-centricity which it supports is more of the egoistical variety than the narcissistic variety. As we saw earlier, the Child Man is more of a

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narcissist and less of an egoist. His main motive is vengeance and not achievement or even self interest. He is quite capable of making “self destructive” choices in order to fulfill his need for vengeance. Also, his notion of strong personal loyalties pushes him towards decisions which are governed by affiliative factors rather than cold economic logic. Finally, it is extremely difficult for the Child Man to let go of his subjective assessments. Thus, no matter what others may think, Duryodhana remains convinced that he and his friends can get the better of Krishna and the Pandavas. d) World of interdependent islands Modern man is simultaneously a loner and part of a mammoth and complex network. His world is shrinking and expanding at the same time. On the one hand, he leads an isolated, secluded life in a small nuclear family with a few close friends and relatives and a large number of faceless entities with whom he transacts professionally or socially. On the other hand, he is deeply connected and influenced by people and events which are far away from him and with which he has not even a remote personal link. Choices made by governments and large organizations which are thousands of miles away can significantly affect his own fortunes. Thus, while the number of people who are significant to him in his personal emotive world may be rapidly decreasing, the number of people that he has to transact with and he is dependent upon is increasing all the time. In such a scenario, it makes eminent sense for him to keep his interfaces as functional, harmonious and as pleasant as possible and to keep his “real” feelings to himself. Any spontaneous expression can be potentially hazardous and a “pleasant smile” and “amicable demeanor” are one’s best allies. Note, for instance, the emphasis “self help” literature places on being pleasant and amicable no matter how one is actually feeling. It is easy to see the difficulty that this scenario creates for our angry, impulsive and tumultuous Child Man who in all probability will end up being seen as “bull in a china shop” in this world.

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Inner and Emotive Features Clearly, the modern day world, in terms of its external, social and structural features is no place for the Child Man. However, a dramatically different picture emerges if we look at the present day world in terms how it impacts the individual psyche, the residual feelings it leaves the individual with and the coping mechanisms that it offers. Let us look at our present day world in terms of its internal, psychological and emotive features and how it provides an extremely fertile ground in which the Child Man can flourish. a) Compulsion to be happy The modern man finds himself under intense pressure to always be happy or at the very least, pretend to be happy. In the market place, he has to put his best foot forward and cannot afford the luxury of letting his distress get the better of him. The requirement of a smiling, pleasant demeanor creates the same pressure. Pop psychology extolling the virtues of positive thinking and confident body language advises him that any negative feelings or thoughts must be immediately expelled from the system. In many ways, his situation is similar to that of prince Siddhartha, who was made a captive by his father and kept in the luxurious palace lest he encounters any pain or angst. Since more often than not, he lacks the courage to break free from this palace, the modern man stores all his negative thoughts and feelings (hurts, anxieties, jealousy, hatred etc.) in a private space where the Child Man feeds on them and becomes stronger. In a sense, the situation is a reverse of that between Duryodhana and Suyodhana. Here, instead of throwing Suyodhana into the dungeons, Duryodhana uses him as a front and remains in the background himself. While Suyodhana interfaces with the external world and keeps assuring mother Gandhari, “of course, I am happy and satisfied,” the internal Duryodhana keeps screaming “I like to be discontent!” However, in both cases, it is still Duryodhana who calls the shots.

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b) Alienated from himself The compulsion to be happy necessarily implies the repression of those parts of one self which are not feeling happy. But this is not the only source of alienation for the modern man. The synthetic, sanitized world creates its own alienations, particularly from the wild and primitive parts of one self. The most deadly source of alienation comes from the all-pervasive market place which leaves the individual with a deepseated feeling of being only a product—“I don’t matter, who I am is of no consequence, nor is my belonging to the system. All that matters is that what can I offer and what is the price tag which is placed on my offering.” Hence, he is in constant search for improving this “product” and obtaining the best possible bargain for it. Earlier, we called the Child Man a “self-less narcissist.” Modern man maybe described as a “self-less egoist.” On the face of it, he is in constant pursuance of “self interest,” but rarely does he ask himself, “who am I, how do I feel, what do I want and where does my interest really lie?” For him, climbing the socio-economic ladder and consolidating his position in the market place become ends in themselves and are pursued without question. He has clear goals but rarely examines the meaningfulness of his goals. Thus, he is as much of a puppet as the Child Man. The only difference is that, in case of the Child Man, the strings of the puppet are controlled by unexamined rage, passion and need for vengeance, whereas in case of modern man, the strings are in the hands of unexamined injunctions of the market place. c) Threatened masculinity A recent advertisement for men’s undergarments shows a man being teased and harassed by a group of women. He then discovers that the said undergarment can make him “macho” and thereby, he can reclaim his rightful position as a man. Similarly, a popular automobile uses the punch line of “men are back” to position itself as a masculine brand. The insecurity being felt by men is also evidenced by the

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attacks against the “modern woman” in the name of culture and morality. The setting up of support groups for men’s rights as well as a growing trend of anti-feminism in certain quarters points to the same conclusion, viz., the heightened paranoia around masculinity. Interestingly, even women are not free of it. This is evidenced in their growing contempt for the soft, tolerant, shy and demure housewife and an increasing attraction to an independent, strong, uninhibited, macho and ambitious persona. The preoccupation with being macho both in men and women has the same compensatory quality that we saw earlier in case of the Child Man. While in the present context, the pursuit of physical prowess has been replaced by the pursuit of material success and emotional toughness, the underlying process is very much the same. Perhaps one of the most frightening aspects of this collective compensatory masculinity is played out in our relationship with nature which is seen primarily in “static-feminine” terms and treated merely as a resource to be exploited and consumed and constantly “acted upon” so that we mould it in accordance with our needs and whims. d) Psychological orphan-hood In my work with individuals, particularly ones with a modern, urban background, I frequently encounter the phenomenon of psychological orphan-hood which is experienced by the individual as a non-specific dissatisfaction with the quality of parenting that he/she has received. In most cases, there are no tangible causes for this dissatisfaction but it is still very real for the individual. A frequently experienced sentiment is, “Oh, they did whatever was required of them and I have no particular grievance against them, but some how I don’t feel close to them. I don’t think I know them as people and nor do I think they know me like that. We have no problems and do care about each other, but beyond that there is very little that we can offer or receive from each other.” Thus, parents are experienced as having fulfilled their roles and responsibilities quite satisfactorily, yet there is no real emotional connect with them, especially with the father, who is generally seen as

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either over controlling or as distant and indifferent. As Robert Bly has highlighted in his book “Iron John” in post-industrialized society, the world of the father has become increasingly invisible to the growing child. For the most part, the father is away and hence, absent from the psychological world of the child. In many cases, the child does not even know the nature of work the father does, where he spends his time or what kind of person that he is. The mother is either busy pursuing her own career or has very little idea of the adult male world. Thus, at the threshold of entry into the adult male world, as in case of the Child Man, the modern individual has no one to guide or mentor him. This lacuna may be starker in case of boys but is perhaps also applicable to the girl-child. If the individual is lucky, he or she may find a proxy father figure (for example, a teacher), but in most cases, the road to the discovery of masculinity remains one of hits and misses with more misses than hits. While in most cases, this does not hamper social development and individual manages to carve out a functional socio-economic identity for him self, the wounds of psychological orphan hood continue to fester within his emotional world. This orphan-hood manifests itself in several ways. A fairly frequent phenomenon is that the psychological development of the individual remains arrested at the adolescent level, i.e., the individual remains a perpetual adolescent in a psychological or emotional sense. Like an adolescent, he remains caught in the conflicting pulls of carving out a distinctive identity for himself on the one hand, and the need to conform and adapt on the other. Like the Child Man, his need to be special and distinctive either remains caught in his fantasy world or gets expressed through reactive rebellion. Similarly, a disdain for “authority,” particularly of the “static-masculine order,” becomes his constant companion. Like the Child Man, he covers up his inner vulnerabilities and uncertainties through external cockiness, nonchalance and bravado. The process is accentuated by the fact that most “parental figures” are themselves caught up with their own unresolved issues and have rarely crossed the threshold from adolescence to adulthood. Further,

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whatever coping mechanisms that they may have evolved become quickly outdated, given the speed of change. Given this mismatch, they tend to cling to their coping mechanisms even more stubbornly and thereby, reinforce the mistrust and disdain for authority in the younger generation.

Implications As we put the various pieces of this picture together, it becomes clear that the inner landscape of the modern man is almost identical to the Child Man’s psyche. While the present day world has freed him from many of his earlier compulsions and bondages and therefore, opened up many more opportunities for him, it has also left him feeling alone, anxious, powerless and alienated from himself. He finds himself at the mercy of a complex network of forces over which he has very little control, desperately trying to keep his head above water and running like a maniac in order to stay in the same place. He keeps hoping that one day he will reach a position where he will be the master of his own destiny, but no matter how successful he is, and no matter how high he reaches in the socio-economic pecking order, the forces which engulf him remain stronger, leaving him with the feeling of being a helpless puppet or an underdog. He grows up with the same sense of “failed dependency” as the Child Man and carries the same narcissistic wounds. Neither is his mistrust of the established order any different from that of the Child Man, nor is his arrested growth in unresolved issues of adolescence. However, as mentioned earlier, the external context of the modern man does not provide him the same space for expression as it did in case of our protagonists. He neither has the privileges of patriarchy nor the ability to deal with raw emotion either in himself or in others. He is required to repress or suppress his rage and resentment, is under constant pressure to maintain a pleasant countenance and must worry about the price tag which the market puts on him. Thus, while the Child Man is being continually awakened and fuelled by the internal forces within his psyche, the external world is pressurizing him to suppress and inhibit this Child Man. Caught in this dynamic, the only

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place the Child Man can live is in our psychic and social underbelly. Some of the typical manifestations of this process are as follows: a) The puppet and loose cannon syndrome The unresolved conflicts of adolescence in the modern man make it extremely difficult for him to co-hold freedom and responsibility. As mentioned earlier, one of the main conflicts of adolescence is between the need to have a distinctive identity of one’s own and the need to adapt and find a niche for oneself within the existing scheme of things. While the need for distinctiveness propels the individual towards experimenting and traversing uncharted paths, the need to have a niche makes him stick to the established paths without much deviation. The non-resolution of these conflicting forces creates a split between the realm of freedom and the realm of responsibility. In his mind, responsibility ends up getting equated with burden, compulsivity and lack of choice. On the other hand, freedom is seen as licentiousness, impulsivity and disregard for consequences. Thus, when he is being responsible, he becomes like a puppet which is constantly being controlled by expectations of others and the demands of the situation, and when he is free, he acts like a loose cannon, totally unmindful of the havoc which he causes. Generally, the puppet gets activated in situations which are materially significant and with people who are regarded as more powerful than one’s self. On the other hand, the loose cannon comes alive either in the safety of anonymity (say in a crowd), or with people who are lower than one’s self in the socioeconomic pecking order. Thus, perfectly reasonable and responsible individuals go berserk while driving on the roads where they behave in a manner as though no one else exist and are ready to pounce on anyone who comes in their way. Similarly, the docile, disciplined and restrained “organizational man” becomes excessively loud and erratic when he lets his hair down. Needless to say, the puppet and the loose cannon cannot survive without each other. While the puppet is useful for meeting the structural imperatives, the loose cannon provides the outlet for emotional residues. Without the loose cannon, the puppet would be suffocated

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to death and, without the puppet, the loose cannon would destroy itself. However, the significant difficulty which arises from this split is that all organised spaces become lifeless and all community spaces become “free for all.” b) Gullible Paranoia On the one hand, modern man is extremely suspicious and constantly watching his back, but on the other he is so naïve and gullible that he falls for almost anything. The ease with which many intelligent and well-informed people become victims of obvious financial scams is absolutely amazing. Schemes offering to double your money in a year’s time are subscribed to without a thought as to how such phenomenal returns will be generated. The appeal is not always to the individual’s greed, but sometimes to other feelings, like kindness and devotion and sometimes, to his inability to comprehend the complex world that he lives in. The success of many “self-help” books is a telling example of how the modern man accepts homilies as deeply profound insights. Clever marketing people exploit this gullibility to the hilt by first creating paranoia about skin color, bad breath, body odor, germs, etc., and then offering their products as sure-shot remedies. It is not unheard of for media to be used by pharmaceutical companies to fuel fears of impending epidemics to promote their sales. On the face of it, the paranoia of the modern man seems contradictory to his gullibility, but in fact, the two are intimately connected. The anxiety and mistrust carried by him is so strong that it leaves a huge void and a desperate need to believe in something. Thus, all that one needs to do is to either evoke or confirm his mistrust and then place an alternative proposition before him and the chances are that this alternative thesis will be accepted without question. A dramatic illustration of this process was provided by Agatha Christie in her famous play, “Witness for the Prosecution.” The wife of the accused (who is actually not legally wedded to him), gives testimony which contradicts his alibi. Simultaneously, she arranges to have forged letters delivered to the defense attorney which would discredit her

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own testimony. The jury, which is prejudiced against her, both on racial and moral grounds, is quick to swallow this “new evidence” and acquits the accused who was actually guilty. What Christie shows us is how gullible the “suspicious mind” becomes if its paranoia is effectively used. The technique is so effective that it is being extensively used not merely by marketers and advertisers, but virtually by all those who are in the realm of shaping “public opinion,” for example, politicians, journalists, religious leaders, and others. The biggest advantage of this technique is that once a fabrication has been accepted by the suspicious mind, it becomes a dogma and the individual tends to hold on to it for dear life and stubbornly rejects all evidence and logic to the contrary. Thus, management fads can be easily created by the use of seemingly empirical research/evidence, the quality of which, in most cases, is suspect. The modern man has such a naïve belief in the infallibility of quantification that given any junk numbers, and he will gobble them up as gospel truth. Phil Rosenweig, in his book “The Halo Effect,” has shown how several delusions have come to be accepted in the corporate world as absolute truths merely because they claim to be based on empirical findings. In one of its most destructive forms, the technique of fuelling paranoia and then selling an alternative thesis as truth can be seen in the rise in religious fundamentalism, racialism and other brands of sectarian ideologies. The fundamentalist leader first fuels the natural paranoia against modern capitalism and its associated impact on the social and cultural fiber and then provides alternative theses whereby this paranoia can be directed against a particular community or group of people. Thus, religion in the modern world is no longer an opiate which lulls people into resigned acceptance of their fate, but more of an aphrodisiac which provides a release from the rage, resentment and the feelings of impotence with which the modern man lives. Not surprisingly, “religion in danger” has become a strong motif for the mobilization of collective outrage the world over. It would seem that the projections of purity and vulnerability which, in earlier times, were

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made on the female gender are now being made on religion. Hence, by seeing himself as a savior and protector of his religion, modern man can reclaim his masculinity which otherwise seems to be under attack from all other sources. c) Feigned Equality and Insidious dependency As a facilitator of groups, I often find that when I treat my participants as adults (i.e., express my thoughts and feelings directly, expect them to manage their boundaries and take responsibility for their choices), they resent it and experience me as a punitive and critical father figure and experience themselves as errant children who are being reprimanded. On the other hand, when I treat them as children (i.e., pamper them, be patronizing or gently direct them) they are extremely happy and believe that I am equalizing with them and treating them as adults and with dignity. As we explore this process, it becomes clear that our respective frames of maturity and dignity are very different. From their point of view, my real thoughts and feelings are not of any great consequence. The only thing which matters is that I should come across to them as friendly, tolerant and affirming. This expectation of friendship, tolerance and affirmation from an authority figure has much to do with the psychological orphan-hood that we touched upon earlier, but there is also another factor. The difficulty modern man has in terms of dealing with raw emotion also plays its part. Thus, most people get extremely upset in face of direct expression of anger, but are relatively more tolerant of sarcasm though deep down, sarcasm causes much greater hurt and is much less dignifying than anger is. A significant implication of these processes is that for most part, modern man lives in a make- believe world. In authority relationships, this is manifested through feigned equality. Thus, the use of first names for authority figures is becoming a common phenomenon, but whether or not it helps in reducing the power distance between the concerned individuals is altogether another matter. One only has to see a group of colleagues in a public place, say a restaurant or an airport lounge.

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Without hearing a single word of their conversation, you can easily identify who the real boss is and what their relative pecking order is. In most cases, the pretense of equality only pushes the processes of subservience and dependency to a subterranean level, where they become almost impossible to deal with. d) The “phataphat” syndrome A popular radio channel has branded itself for a target audience that it calls the “phataphat” (“instantaneous”) generation. The catchline it uses is, “we want everything phataphat,” be it money, fame, love, or whatever. On the face of it, this seems like an appeal to our greed or ambition and to an extent, it is. However, I suspect that the “phataphat” syndrome also plays an important role in reconciling the conflicting demands of our social/structural world, and the emotive/ psychological world. At the structural level, the “phataphat” syndrome fuels consumerism and the approach of “spend today and earn tomorrow” which are extremely helpful for a capitalistic economy. At the emotive level, it takes care of our need for instantaneous gratification, the inability to postpone ourselves, a low tolerance for frustration and a deep seated anxiety of being left behind. Often, the fear of being left behind is much stronger than the desire to get ahead. Thus, ambition, which is one of the most valued attributes of modern man, may not be real ambition at all, but only a coping mechanism which ensures that the super structure built by us collectively can be sustained and the individual can continue to fulfill his assigned role. Similarly, “freedom of expression,” another holy cow for modern man, is often a vehicle for unbridled impulsivity and the spewing of withheld rage. The amount of venom that is spilled on several internet sites around communally sensitive issues is a telling example of this phenomenon. e) The Underworld Abode As mentioned earlier, in our times, it is the underworld in which the Child Man finally finds his home. Unlike in other spaces, here, he does

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not need any subterfuge or compromise. In this space, he can operate in his wholeness and can display his glory and splendour in its totality. Everything about him is not just tolerated but actively encouraged and welcomed. Be it his courage or bravado, his primitive instinctuality, his fierce affiliative loyalties/parochial orientation, his narcissism and stubborn adherence to his beliefs, his rage and resentment, his mistrust of the established order, his low impulse control, his patriarchal leanings—all are received with open arms in this world. He does not need to be restricted or inhibited by the rules and norms of civilized society, nor does he have to face the indignity of meekly accepting the price tag which the market puts on him. Whether he is a gangster or a street bully or a terrorist, the role fits him to a t and the world is tailor made to meet his psychic needs. This world, which operates on the fringes of our civilized society and is a constant threat to our stability and security, also serves a purpose. In a sense, the members of this world act out the suppressed Child Man in the rest of the society. Just as Duryodhana became the carrier of other people’s rage and resentment, the present day terrorist/fundamentalist often bears the burden of the repressed and suppressed negatives of the entire community. Given the diffused sense of boundaries that the Child Man has, he is particularly susceptible to this transference. So, we can all continue to believe in our broadminded inclusivity while the Child Man acts out our narrow parochial intolerance. Similarly, we can be the law-abiding conformists while the Child Man acts out the enraged, angry rebel within us. What this means is, that at the macro level, the same split between the puppet and the loose cannon (which was mentioned earlier on the individual level), is getting played out. As civilized society becomes more like a puppet, the marginalized Child Man becomes more of a loose cannon. Increasing acts of terrorism keep reminding us that he is very much alive and kicking. To sum up, what I have tried to highlight in this chapter is the conflict between the two opposite directions in which modern man is being pulled. His inner emotive and psychological forces push him towards the Child Man within himself whereas his external, social and structural world demands that this Child Man is at least restrained

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and inhibited, if not repressed or suppressed altogether. This split creates all kinds of dysfunctionalities, both at the individual and at the societal levels. Unbridled consumerism, the inability to co-hold freedom with responsibility, the inability to co-hold primitive with civilized, the rising trends of fundamentalism, ethnic violence and parochialism are some indicators of these dysfunctionalities. Perhaps, the so-called “clash of civilizations” is more a by product of a clash within each civilization. By marginalizing and letting the Child Man live on its fringes, every civilization is living with these loose cannons. Rather than integrating these loose cannons into the mainstream, it is much easier to direct their wrath and destructiveness towards the “other” who can be targeted as the enemy. Thus, when the Child Men of particular communities wreck havoc on the other, the civilized part of the same community can make the right political noises while gloating internally. Naturally, each community then expects the other to exercise better control over its Child-Men but pleads helplessness in being able to do the same for itself. Perhaps the time has come to start thinking not in terms of how to control these loose cannons but in terms of how to integrate them into the mainstream, not just in a socio-economic sense but in a psychoemotive sense.

CHAPTER 20

Befriending the Child Man

The Child Man is a beautiful part of our psyche. He holds our heroic potential, our uninhibited spontaneity, our playfulness, our creativity, our innocence, our ability to persevere against all odds, our zest for life, our willingness to stand up against injustice and much else that makes life worth living. Sadly, in the present day world, we mostly encounter his negative, destructive and villainous side. Civilized society tells us to be wary of him, warns us against the perils of letting him loose and demands that we keep him shackled and caged. Hence, we turn our face away from him, pretend that he does not exist or, try to enslave him in the dungeons of our psyche. However, the Child Man refuses to go away or give in easily. The more we alienate ourselves from him, the more ferocious and destructive he becomes. Directly or indirectly, he continues to call the shots, and as we watch helplessly, keeps reminding us who the real boss is. Instead of treating the Child Man as an adversary, we may be better off trying to befriend him, letting him walk by our side rather than keep him chained like a mad dog. However, any such attempt would require significant reconfiguration of many of our beliefs and perspectives. Some of these are as follows:

Meanings of Maturity Maturity is often seen essentially as a social and behavioural construct. Hence, elements such as the ability to get along with others, coping with adversity, remaining calm and composed in face of provocation,

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interpersonal efficacy, ability to influence others and generally being on top of one’s situation are seen as hallmarks of a mature individual. In other words, our notions of maturity are primarily focused externally and are based on the primacy of virtues like relevance, appropriateness, functionality, moderation, etc. Maturity from this location becomes like a dam or a regulatory mechanism through which the internal river of emotion can be contained and channeled. Necessary as this regulatory mechanism is, when it becomes the exclusive anchor of maturity, it plays havoc with our internal ecology. It makes us dilute our own intensity and passion, it anesthetizes us from our own pain and angst, it makes us fearful of our own wildness and primitive instinctuality, it prevents us from entering our own inner depths and it blocks our spontaneous expression. Thus, it is not at all surprising that the Child Man regards maturity as his biggest enemy, for he fears that this brand of maturity will make him into a bland colorless conformist and will replace his youthful passion, energy and zest for life with resignation and passive acceptance. Befriending the Child Man will necessarily imply going beyond the notion of maturity as a regulatory mechanism and will entail seeing it as an enabler as well—an enabler which gives us the courage to visit the dark and dingy corners of our being, which pushes us to respond to the beckoning of the mysteries of life, which allows us to be overwhelmed, sometimes, by the intensity of our own feeling and sometimes, by the forces around us, which makes us defy conventional rationality and persevere with our own subjective sensing and which does not always bow down to the dictum of “think before you act.” In short, this brand of maturity is internally focused and works towards greater resonance with our “inner voice” and not just with the external world. There are two obvious difficulties in pursuing of this kind of maturity. The first stems from the fact that we live in a world which regards “empirical evidence” and “public opinion” as the only valid basis of ascertaining truth. The inner voice is, essentially, a subjective truth for the individual, for which neither empirical evidence can be

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provided, nor validation through consensus of public opinion, unless, of course, it also becomes the subjective truth of others. Thus, the inner personal maturity of the individual is not always aligned with external social maturity and the two are often in conflict. The result is that pursuance of personal maturity can lead to painful consequences for the individual, such as isolation, ridicule, punitive action, etc. The second difficulty arises from the fact that within the depth of our psyche, there is not just the accumulated wisdom of mankind but also the personal noise of our repressed fears, anxieties, infantile wishes and other neuroses as well as the collective noise of myths, customs, beliefs, superstitions and all kinds of prejudices which make us distort both our inner experiences and external perceptions. The voice that we hear is mixture of both this wisdom and this noise, and is not always clear and cogent. Thus, no finality can ever be given to the inner voice and it can, at best, be a working hypothesis. Consequently, listening to the inner voice necessarily entails going wrong, falling down and getting hurt. It is only through our willingness to rise from the ashes and start all over again that we can hope to enhance our ability to listen to the inner voice, distinguish between wisdom and noise and work towards greater resonance.

Inner Ecology The issue of personal maturity is intimately linked with the issue of inner ecology. Exclusively pursuing social maturity inevitably leads to the denial/ repression/ suppression or, at the very least the taming of those aspects of our selves which may disturb the interface of harmony and equanimity. Thus, the wild beast within us has to be either hidden from ourselves and/or others, if not kept on a tight leash. Similarly, the delicate bird within us cannot be allowed to roam freely lest it gets hurt or is in danger from predators. The process of civilization has not merely destroyed the ecological balance in the external environment, but also played havoc with our inner ecology. De-forestation is not only taking place out there, but also within our own psyches. Our inner world is fast losing its lush green character, its vitality and its

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serenity along with it all its natural resources and magical herbs. The phenomenal increase in information, knowledge and comprehension is accompanied by an equally rapid decline in our sensing, intuition and apprehension. This dwindling of internal resources has made us totally dependent upon our context and therefore, made us its captive. In a sense, we are like a caged bird or a domesticated pet or a wild animal in a zoo which has lost the capacity to survive outside the security of its zone of captivity. In such a scenario, the pursuit of personal maturity is almost impossible because we have virtually nothing within ourselves to fall back upon. Growth and maturation is a painful process. Almost all rites of initiation were accompanied by an element of pain and the inflicting of wounds. Having lost the ability to provide a healing touch either to himself or to the other, modern man is left with no choice but to avoid pain and hurt at all costs. He is so scared of getting hurt that he dare not take even the first step on the road to manhood. It is only through restoration of our inner ecological balance that we can reclaim the rich resources that lie within us. In this endeavour, the Child Man can become our greatest ally because with all his destructive dysfunctionalities, the one thing that he has no problem with is pain and hurt. Today, he fights us tooth and nail because he fears that we will destroy all that is precious to him, but if we were to recognize that what we are destroying is, in fact, of vital importance to our own survival and growth, perhaps we would be standing by his side rather than fighting him or running away from him.

Tyranny of the Market Place The one thing that the Child Man hates with a passion is the compulsion to bow down to the price tag which the market puts on him. His feudal mindset does not easily accept the necessity of giving in to the dictates of any external force. While the market place culture has helped us to shed many of the compulsions and prejudices of the feudal era, it has also made us slaves of “public opinion” and made us

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treat ourselves and others as mere products on the market shelf. Since viable structural alternatives to the present state of affairs are yet to emerge, to an extent, these processes are inevitable. However, we can at least recognize the down side of the market place culture and try to reduce its tyranny. One of the main contributors to this tyranny is our preoccupation with success, achievement and winning. Their primacy as the ultimate goals of human existence is accepted as gospel and no price is considered too big in their pursuit. Sadly, while we are becoming increasingly aware of the perils of child-marriage and child-labor, we have no difficulty in turning a blind eye to the psychological damage caused to children by throwing them into the “dog eat dog” world of “reality shows.” If the deity of success demands that the innocence of children be sacrificed to appease her, then so be it. The emotional and spiritual damage caused by this mindless pursuit of success takes its own toll, but the market place has an answer to that as well. It has made emotional healing and spirituality into a highly profitable industry. If people are over stressed, organized society can always provide stress busters, meditation centres, personal counselors, chanting groups and spiritual gurus. The trick is to split material well-being from psychic well-being and then, both can be brought under the control of market forces. Needless to say, this kind of splitting, at best, provides symptomatic relief and, in fact, adds to the basic problem of fragmentation and disproportionate growth which can only be dealt with through recognizing that “proportion” is much more vital to our survival, well-being and growth than size and magnitude. Pathologies arise when things go out of proportion and this can be clearly seen in the misery of individuals who attain success, fame, adulation, money and so forth, which is more than what they can handle.

The All Pervasive Patri-centricity The issues of personal maturity, inner ecology and tyranny of the market place stem, essentially, from the basic imbalance between

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patri-centric and matri-centric orientations. In the present day world, it is patri-centricity which rules the roost in almost all spheres of life. Be it the realm of commerce or governance or education or academia or religion and spirituality, we encounter only the patricentric perspective. The only exceptions to this are the worlds of affect and artistic expression, where matri-centricity finds some voice. Our notions of power, control, order, justice and the meaning of life are all derived from within a patri-centric frame. Thus, goal directed purposive activity is of greater value to us than spontaneous expression, exploration and a celebration of life. Our notion of our identity flows from our individuality and distinctiveness, rather than from our relatedness and commonality. We feel powerful when we are able to act upon the world and make an impact and not when we draw it to ourselves and welcome and affirm it. Similarly, justice to us means “uniform application of rules” and the principle of “to each according to his ability,” rather than “care and compassion” for all and the principle of “to each according to his need.” Improvement is of greater importance to us than preservation, “becoming something” more desirable than “being our selves”—the list is endless. In this all pervasive patri-centricity, only the most destructive and negative side of the Child Man shows up. In this world, there is room for his obstinate boorishness but not for his child-like simplicity and innocence, there is room for his narcissistic rigidities but not for his fierce loyalty and commitment, there is room for his greed but not for his zest for life, there is room for his impulsiveness but not for his spontaneous playfulness. As a crude, uncouth, loud, domineering tyrant, he may be hated, but he can at least survive. On the other hand, as an innocent child who is both angry and hurting and has no concept of boundaries, he has very little hope—unless, of course, we can work towards a world where matri-centricity also finds its rightful place. This does not mean rejecting the patri-centric perspective, for that will be equally disastrous. What we need is co-holding of the two and a creative tension between the two The tragedy of the Child Man is that what he has to offer is often dismissed as of no great value, his wounds remain unattended and,

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like little Balarama, when he tries to draw attention to himself by stamping his feet and throwing tantrums, he either encounters punishment or indifference or indulgence. But, rarely is he understood. Like a wounded animal, he becomes even more ferocious and keeps escalating the same processes wishing that at some point, someone will discover the bagful of tears beneath his armor and give him the serenity of the compassionate lap which he so desperately needs but hardly ever seeks.

Ashok Speaks

My family was a bit of a hodge-podge. My parents, along with my maternal grand parents, came together as refugees from West Pakistan and settled in Delhi in two adjacent houses on the same street. While the two families lived in two separate houses, for all practical purposes, it was one joint family with two sets of parents. My mother was the eldest among her siblings with three younger sisters and a brother who was the youngest of all. My maternal uncle was barely a few years older than my eldest sister and was more of an older brother (and addressed as such by me and my three older sisters) than an uncle. We addressed our maternal grand-parents as Mataji (mother) and Pitaji (father), just as our aunts and uncle did. We addressed our aunts as Didi (elder sister) and some of them tied a Rakhi (a symbol of love between brother and sister) to me while my sisters tied a Rakhi to our maternal uncle. Thus, in a sense, I had two fathers, two mothers, several sisters (some of whom were actually my aunts) and an older brother who was actually my maternal uncle. My two fathers were a study in contrast. My own father was sensitive, soft-spoken and caring, while being an extremely strong, wise and charismatic person. He commanded a great deal of respect in the family though he barely raised his voice. It was generally understood that in all matters of importance, his would be the last word. In contrast, my Nana (maternal grand-father) was loud, crude, shorttempered and never taken very seriously by any one in the family including his own wife, my Nani. In fact, Nani used to often say, “for me every thing is my son in law (i.e. my father). He is my friend, my son, my brother, my father and even my husband.” How my poor Nana felt about such open proclamations is anybody’s guess because outwardly, he would just smile and let it pass. Perhaps, like Balarama, he had taken Krishna’s superiority for granted.

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In many ways, the relationship between my Nana and my father had a close parallel to that between Balarama and Krishna. While my Nana had the higher position in the family hierarchy, it was my father who wielded all the authority and enjoyed everyone’s respect and confidence. Simultaneously, like Krishna, my father would ensure that this did not become obvious and cause any loss of face for my Nana. They were also partners in a joint business and there too, it was my father who had the upper hand. When their business was nationalized, my Nana retired and my father became a government employee. However, his postings (for example, as a branch manager) always ensured that he remained the “big fish” in a small pond. In fact, once when one of his seniors visited our small town, it was quite a shock for me to discover that my father could be subservient to some one. Naturally, as a child, I was in awe of him, but that was not all. There was also the resentment that his non-oppressive giant-hood seemed to make everyone else into a pygmy. There was also a craving for a closer and more intimate link with him. While he was soft and tender and caring, he was also distant and aloof. One could admire and respect him but not touch him and thus, the “real person” beneath the immaculately dressed (always in whites) gentle and amiable persona always remained invisible. Cognitively, I knew that he was extremely emotional and intense, and that in his younger days he had been actively involved in the “freedom struggle,” had written poetry and presumably, had had several relationships. But I had no direct experience of this side of his personality. On the other hand, my Nana was a lot more visible to me. He accompanied me on all significant occasions, played cards with me (and even cheated), took me for walks and generally expressed his feelings a lot more openly. In fact, in most of my childhood photographs, I find myself sitting on my Nana’s lap rather than on my own father’s. The general belief in the family was that I had taken more after my Nana than after my father. This was a source of considerable distress for me because naturally, I wanted be seen more like my father who was admired by all, rather than my Nana who was essentially an

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object of contempt and ridicule. Thus, even after I grew up, I would desperately try and emulate my father and keep wondering whether I was actually being myself or merely pretending to be like him. Consequently, the major split or disassociation that I have lived with is between my “idealized self” and my “experienced self.” My idealized self has been shaped totally in the image of my father-gracious, gentle, warm, sensitive, caring, romantic, self-assured and idealistic. Several aspects of my experienced self, such as my pettiness, my envy and jealousy, my bitterness, my rage, my impulsivity and so on, have found no space in the idealized image and therefore, have either been repressed/suppressed or suffered in my “private hell.” Whenever these denied parts of my self raise their heads, I find myself either projecting them outwards or feeling overwhelmed by them. Even when they are lying dormant, they keep pricking at me and keep reminding me of their presence. Thus, even in areas where I have a genuine identification with my idealized self, there remains a measure of doubt about whether this is truly me or a mere pretence. Over the years, my idealized self has become a lot more inclusive and therefore, accepting of the not-so-comfortable parts of my self. Consequently, the severity and intensity of this doubt has reduced considerably, but a complete integration of the experienced self and the idealized self is still a distant dream. The other significant split that I have lived with is that between the realm of intimacy and the realm of respect. Since I could not respect the source from which I received intimacy (my Nana), and had very little intimacy with the person I respected the most (my father), it has always been difficult for me to bring the two together. Cognitively, I know that real intimacy and respect can not exist with out each other. Respect without intimacy can only be towards a symbol (and not the real person) and intimacy without respect is only a form of indulgence. However, experientially, I often find my self splitting the two and can bring them together in very few relationships. On the surface, my stances seem to be the exact opposite of the Child Man’s. The Child Man’s difficulty lies in his inability to

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differentiate between the idealized self and the experienced self, and also to differentiate between intimacy and respect. It is virtually impossible for him to respect anyone he is not close to and he often ends up treating his experienced self as the same as the ideal state. On the other hand, in my own case, these realms are differentiated but remain disassociated. However, as is the case in most psychological opposites, they only represent two sides of the same phenomenon. My model of masculinity may be very different from the loud and macho variety of the Child Man, but my compulsivity has been no less. Thus, by trying to explore another manifestation of compulsiveness, I am only trying to find some release from my own.

Bibliography

1. Agyeya Sachidanand Vatsyayana, Sekhar Ek Jeevani. Mayur Paperbacks, 2004. 2. Bly Robert, Iron John. Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, 1990. 3. Christie Agatha, Curtain, Poirot’s Last Case. Harper Collins, 1975. 4. Christie Agatha, Witness For The Prosecution. Harper Collins, 1993. 5. Dawkins Richard, The God Delusion. Bantam Press, 2006. 6. Dostoevsky Fyodor, The Brothers Karamazov. Bantam Press, 1970. 7. Fromm Eric, Fear of Freedom. Routledge Classics, July 2001. 8. Fromm Eric, Love, Sexuality and Matriachy. Fromm International Publishing Corporation, 1997. 9. Ganguli Kisari Mohan, Mahabharat of Krishna-Dwaipayana Vyasa. Munshiram Manoharlal Publishers, 1991. 10. Goleman Daniel, Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books Paperback, 1995. 11. Helgeson Vicki S, The Psychology of Gender. Prentice Hall, 2001. 12. Hill Gareth, Masculine & Feminine. Shambhala, 2001. 13. Huntington Samuel P, Clash of Civilizations. Simon & Schuster, 1998. 14. Joshi Dinkar, Mahatma Vs. Gandhi. Jaico Publishing House, 2007. 15. Jung, C. G., Aspects of the Feminine. Routledge Classics, 2003. 16. Jung, C. G., Aspects of the Masculine. Routledge Classics, 2003. 17. Jung, C. G., Man And His Symbols. Alders Books, 1964. 18. Jung, C. G., Modern Man in Search of a Soul. Routledge Classics, 2001. 19. Karve Irawati, Yuganta. Orient Longman, 2007. 20. Koestler Arthur, Darkness At Noon. The McMillan Company, 1941. 21. Kohli Narendra, Mahasamara. Vani Publications, 2004. 22. Levent Ronald F & Pollack William S (Ed.), A New Psychology of Men. Basic Books, 1995. 23. Mitchell Margaret, Gone With The Wind. Scribner; Book Club edition, (January 1, 1964). 24. Munshi, K. M., Krishna Avatar. Rajkamal Prakashan, 1966. 25. Nair M T Vasudevan, The Second Turn. McMillan India Limited 1997. 26. Pascal Eugene Ph.l, Jung To Live By. Warner Books, 1992.

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Puzo Mario. The Godfather. G. P. Putnam’s Sons; 1969 edition (1969). Rai Pratibha, Draupadi. Rajpal & Sons, 2004. Rosenzweig Phil, The Halo Effect. Free Press, 2007. Sawant Shivaji, Yugandhara. Bhartiya Gnanpith, 2002. Seidler Victor J, Man Enough. Sage Publications, 1997. Wilber Ken, A Brief History of Everything. Gateway, 1996. Wilber Ken, The Marriage of Sense & Soul. Gateway, 1998.

Index

affiliative 102, 142, 143, 154 Agency xvii, 120 Age of Reason xvii, 97, 104, 105, 132 alpha-male 98, 141 angst 108, 144, 157 anima xiv, 115–16, 118–19 Animus 112 Apollo 94, 128, 134 bio-existential 110–11, 116, 119 co-dependent 122 cognitive xiii Communion xvii, 120 compulsiveness 118, 166 Constructivists 119 dependency 123, 135, 148, 152–53 Dionysian 94 disassociation 132, 165 dyadic 123 dynamic feminine 95, 113, 140 dynamic masculine 113

erectile dysfunction 119 Eros 136–37, 140–41 Essentialists 119 experienced self 165–66 female impotence 119 feminism 141, 146 femme fatale 116 feudal xi, 159 Freudians xiv fundamentalism 151, 155 Gender Identity xvii, 95, 110 hallucinations 132 idealized self 165–66 id impulses 103 infantile 135, 158 instinctual 130–31 interpersonal efficacy 157 Jungians xiv, 112 logos 136

ecological 113, 158–59 egoistical 98, 99, 142 Emotional intelligence 127 Emotional Quotient 127 emotive xiii, 102–3, 128, 130–31, 138, 140, 143–44, 153–55 empathy 74, 122, 128, 136 EQ-Wallahs xvii

macho 136–37, 141–42, 145–46, 166 macro-context 138 male mothering 133 masculine xiv, xv, 95, 105, 110–16, 118, 123–26, 128, 135, 136, 140, 147 matri-centricity 140–41, 161

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narcissists xiv neurotic 117 nihilism 117 Nirvartik 94 oral-sadistic 96 paranoia 107, 126, 146, 150, 151 parochial xii, 154 pathos xv, 74, 95 patri-centricity 127, 140–42, 161 patriarchal xiv, 117–18, 124–25, 140–41, 154 phallic 95 post-modernism 108 Pravartik 94 pre-rational 132 primal 55, 87, 95, 131 primitive 57, 86–87, 95, 128, 130–35, 137, 139, 140, 145, 154–55, 157 proclivities xviii, 138 pseudo-adult 97 psyche xv, xvi, xvii, 93, 95, 97, 98, 110–11, 114, 116, 118, 123, 129, 134–35, 138, 144, 148, 156, 158 psycho-social ix, xii, xiii psychological orphan-hood 146, 152 psychotherapy xv

rational 94, 105–6, 128, 130–32, 140, 142 reactivity 95, 118 repressed xvii, 102, 115, 119, 154–55, 158, 165 sado-masochistic xii schizophrenic 132 Self-centricity vii, xvii, 98, 115 sibling rivalry 98 socialization 129 socio-cultural 110–11, 119 static feminine 95, 112–13 static masculine 95, 113, 124 subliminal xii subterranean 107, 153 suppressed xvii, 102, 154–55, 165 symbiotic 15, 99, 121 techno-economic ix, xi, xii, xvi, 138 testosterone xiv trans-rational 130–32 unconscious xii, 14, 17, 88, 98, 115, 130, 134, 140 Upanishads 94 Vedas 94 wild man 133–35