Bully on campus & online 9781422230459, 1422230457

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Bully on Campus & Online

Bully on Campus & Online Drugs & Alcohol Gunman on Campus Natural Disasters Navigating Cyberspace Peer Pressure & Relationships Protecting Your Body: Germs, Superbugs, Poison, & Deadly Diseases Road Safety Sports Stranger Danger Terrorism & Perceived Terrorism Threats

Bully on Campus & Online

Kim Etingoff

Mason Crest

Mason Crest 450 Parkway Drive, Suite D Broomall, PA 19008 www.masoncrest.com Copyright © 2015 by Mason Crest, an imprint of National Highlights, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the publisher. Printed and bound in the United States of America. First printing 987654321 Series ISBN: 978-1-4222-3044-2 ISBN: 978-1-4222-3045-9 ebook ISBN: 978-1-4222-8829-0 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Etingoff, Kim. Bully on campus & online / Kim Etingoff. pages cm. — (Safety first) Audience: Grade 4 to 6. Includes index. ISBN 978-1-4222-3045-9 (hardback) — ISBN 978-1-4222-3044-2 (series) — ISBN 978-14222-8829-0 (ebook) 1. Bullying—Juvenile literature. 2. Bullying in schools—Juvenile literature. 3. Cyberbullying—Juvenile literature. I. Title. II. Title: Bully on campus and online. BF637.B85E85 2014 302.34’3—dc23 2014005462

Contents Introduction 1. Real-Life Stories 2. What Makes Bullying Dangerous? 3. Staying Safe and Being Prepared 4. What Can You Do to Stay Safe? Find Out More Index About the Author & Consultant and Picture Credits

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Introduction

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o task is more important than creating safe schools for all children. It should not require an act of courage for parents to send their children to school nor for children to come to school. As adults, we must do everything reasonable to provide a school climate that is safe, secure, and welcoming—an environment where learning can flourish. The educational effectiveness and the strength of any nation is dependent upon a strong and effective educational system that empowers and prepares young people for meaningful and purposeful lives that will promote economic competitiveness, national defense, and quality of life. Clearly adults are charged with the vital responsibility of creating a positive educational climate. However, the success of young people is also affected by their own participation. The purpose of this series of books is to articulate what young adults can do to ensure their own safety, while at the same time educating them as to the steps that educators, parents, and communities are taking to create and maintain safe schools. Each book in the series gives young people tools that will empower them as participants in this process. The result is a model where students have the information they need to work alongside parents, educators, and community leaders to tackle the safety challenges that face young people every day. Perhaps one of the most enduring and yet underrated challenges facing young adults is bullying. Ask parents if they can remember the schoolyard bully from when they were in school, and the answers are quite revealing. Unfortunately, the situation is no better today—and new venues for bullying exist in the twenty-first-century world that never existed before. A single bully can intimidate not only a single student but an entire classroom, an entire school, and even an entire community. The problem is underscored by research from the National School Safety Center and the United States Secret Service that indicates that bullying was involved in 80 percent of school shootings over the past two decades. The title in this series that addresses this problem is a valuable and essential tool for promoting safety and stopping bullying. Another problem that has been highlighted by the media is the threat of violence on our school campuses. In reality, research tells us that schools are the safest place for young people to be. After an incident like Columbine or Sandy Hook, however, it is difficult for the public, including students, to understand that a youngster is a hundred times more likely to be assaulted or killed

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at home or in the community than at school. Students cannot help but absorb the fears that are so prevalent in our society. Therefore, a frank, realistic, discussion of this topic, one that avoids hysteria and exaggeration, is essential for our young people. This series offers a title on this topic that does exactly that. It addresses questions such as: How do you deal with a gunman on the campus? Should you run, hide, or confront? We do not want to scare our children; instead, we want to empower them and reassure them as we prepare them for such a crisis. The book also covers the changing laws and school policies that are being put in place to ensure that students are even safer from the threat of violence in the school. “Stranger danger” is another safety threat that receives a great deal of attention in the modern world. Again, the goal should be to empower rather than terrify our children. The book in this series focusing on this topic provides young readers with the essential information that will help them be “safety smart,” not only at school but also between home and school, at play, and even when they are home alone. Alcohol and drug abuse is another danger that looms over our young people. As many as 10 percent of American high school students are alcoholics. Meanwhile, when one student was asked, “Is there a drug problem in your school?” her reply was, “No, I can get all the drugs I want.” A book in this series focuses on this topic, giving young readers the information they need to truly comprehend that drugs and alcohol are major threats to their safety and well-being. From peer pressure to natural disasters, from road dangers to sports safety, the Safety First series covers a wide range of other modern concerns. Keeping children and our schools safe is not an isolated challenge. It will require all of us working together to create a climate where young people can have safe access to the educational opportunities that will promote the success of all children as they transition into becoming responsible citizens. This series is an essential tool for classrooms, libraries, guidance counselors, and community centers as they face this challenge. Dr. Ronald Stephens Executive Director National School Safety Center www.schoolsafety.us

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Words to Know verbal: Having to do with words, instead of actions. violated: Failed to respect someone or their rights. mediation: Getting someone else involved in a conflict to help resolve it.

Chapter One

Real-Life Stories

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chool is supposed to be a place where you feel safe to learn new things and make friends. But for many kids, school doesn’t always feel safe. One reason school might feel unsafe is bullying. A bully is anyone who uses power to control other people. A bully might use strength to push someone around. Or he might use the fact he’s popular to convince people to make fun of someone. No matter what kind of bullying is going on or who’s doing the bullying, it’s not OK. You should feel good about who you are, not worry someone is going to make fun of you. You shouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt or upset because of a bully. Not all bullying looks alike. The first step to avoiding or stopping bullying is to know what it looks like.

TYPES OF BULLYING Bullying comes in different forms. Here are a few: • Verbal bullying. When someone says or even writes hurtful things about others, she is verbally bullying them. Threats, teasing, and name-calling are all kinds of verbal bullying.

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Not all bullying happens in person. Cyberbullying is a growing problem as more and more people of all ages start to use the Internet socially.

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Bully on Campus & Online

The saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” just isn’t true sometimes. Words can hurt. • Social bullying. Sometimes bullies leave people out of groups. They tell people not to be friends with someone, or they spread rumors about him. Social bullying hurts the relationships people have with others. • Physical bullying. Hurting someone or taking something she owns is physical bullying. Hitting, tripping, breaking something, and stealing all count as physical bullying. Some people think this is the only kind of bullying, but that’s not true. Sometimes this kind of bullying is called direct bullying, while verbal and social bullying are called indirect bullying. • Cyberbullying. Bullying doesn’t always happen face to face. Cyberbullying happens on the Internet. Sending mean messages online, spreading rumors about someone online, or sending out embarrassing pictures of someone are examples of cyberbullying. No matter the type, bullying happens over and over again to the same person. If you get upset because a friend tells you a painting you made isn’t very good, that’s not bullying. You might be mad or sad, but it only happened once. Your friend isn’t usually so mean. Maybe your friend was having a bad day, or she was grumpy because she was hungry. Hopefully she apologizes later. Bullying is a little different. Let’s say a student sitting next to you in art class tells you your art is awful every day. He paints over your paintings and erases your drawings. He makes you feel bad over and over again. He’s being mean on purpose to make you feel bad. That’s bullying.

WHY DO PEOPLE BULLY? When you bully someone, you feel more powerful than the other person. Bullies feel good, because they feel powerful and strong. They make the people they bully feel weak. Many bullies are just looking for attention. They think bullying will make them popular. Some people tell jokes to get attention. Others work really hard at school and get good grades. And a few become bullies. Whenever a bully makes other people feel bad, she gets attention. The person being bullied is paying attention to her. Other people helping her bully or watching her bully are paying attention. Even if the teacher yells at her, she’s still getting attention. All that attention makes a bully feel even more powerful and important. Bullies usually pick on people they think are different from them. They feel the other person’s difference is a threat to them. For example, a bully might pick on someone who has freckles or is really tall. Or someone who dresses a little differently or talks differently. Life isn’t fun for people who get bullied. But sometimes bullies find life hard, too. Things might be hard at home. Parents are yelling or even hurting each other. Or big brothers and sisters are picking on them. The bully at school might be bullied or hurt at home. He takes out his bad feelings on other people by bullying them. Bullying makes him feel better.

Real-Life Stories

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According to the National Center for Education Statistics, there is significantly more bullying in middle school (grades 6, 7, and 8) than there is in senior high school (grades 9–12).

REAL-LIFE BULLYING If you or someone you know is being bullied, you’re not alone. Lots of kids are bullied. And many of them have shared their stories online. One young person shared his story of being bullied on ReachOut.org, a site that helps kids and teens get through tough times. The storyteller starts off his story by saying, “I knew who the bullies were. They were my best friends. I was bullied from eighth grade to my freshman year.”

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Bully on Campus & Online

Bullying can start at a young age. Even little kids can be bullies.

Bullies pick on other young people for a lot of reasons. For this young man, bullies made fun of his race. He was Indian. Most of his bullies weren’t Indian. “Every day they picked on me for my race,” he continues. “And for a bit, one person made comments implying that I’m gay. They would make jokes and call me names like ‘Gandhi’. . . . I am not gay, and I am accepting of those who are. But, when this person labeled me as gay, I felt, in a way, violated and disrespected. They felt that it was all a joke, but it was torture and abuse to me.” He tried to get his bullies to stop, but they ignored him. They refused to listen to him. Not

Real-Life Stories

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A guidance counselor or another trusted adult can help you if you find yourself in a bad situation.

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Bullying and Adults A lot of the time, people talk about bullying and young people. Lots of kids and teens are bullied in and out of school. But adults get bullied, too, and they can bully other people. At work, bosses might bully their employees (or the other way around). Coworkers bully each other. An adult at work might get criticized for how he dresses every day. Or she might be left out of meetings on purpose, even though she needs to go. Just like with young people, adult bullying is not OK.

everyone at his school took part in the bullying, but they didn’t speak out against it either. They just stood by silently and watched. Just talking to the bullies wasn’t working, and no one was stepping in to help. Fortunately for this student, things eventually got better. “It took them over a year, but they finally stopped when an SOS student offering support jumped in.” The SOS program was an organization at his school. SOS stood for Students Offering Support. A guidance counselor was in charge, and students helped out. SOS students fought bullying, depression, stress, and other problems. When this young man needed help, he turned to SOS. He says, “My school therapist/counselor, who’s in charge of SOS, arranged mediation with herself, a few student conflict mediators, the students, one at a time, and me to discuss the racial comments. I knew that the only way out without transferring schools and having the bullying continue was to tell an adult on campus,” he says. “I remember one of them saying, ‘I wanted him to explode in anger. I wanted him to start screaming and have a meltdown.’ I can’t tell you how angry I was to hear that from someone who I thought was my friend. When I heard that, I felt like my life ended, because I felt like all of my friends were trying to do the same. I felt abused. I felt tortured. I felt that I was used for their entertainment. Some of them felt and still feel that I ‘snitched,’ ‘ratted,’ or ‘tattled’ on them, but I know that I do not deserve to be bullied.” He realized the people he thought were his friends were really just bullies. He deserved better—real—friends. Even though being bullied was hard, he’s trying to put it past him. He got help, and the bullying stopped. Now, by sharing his story, he feels better. He hopes his story will encourage others who are being bullied. “As long as I can help one person, I feel that I am making a difference … the feeling of talking to peers, sharing my story, and having the opportunity to help someone in need is exceedingly good.” The bullied young person in our story knows a lot about bullying from experience. He knows bullying happens in the classroom and on the phone. It happens in notes and text messages. It can happen on Facebook. It’s hard to stop bullying, because bullies often bully where people can’t see or hear them. Bullying is a common problem for young people. Scientists have found out that about one in

Real-Life Stories

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Sometimes even adults run into bullies, often in the workplace. A bully is anyone who uses power to try to control someone else.

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four young people have experienced bullying. Some of those young people have been bullied. Others do the bullying. And some are bullied and also bully. If you’re one of those people who have been bullied, you’re not alone! Bullying is not always an easy problem to solve. Luckily, lots and lots of people have stood up to bullying. Like our storyteller, they have figured out how to beat bullying. And they became stronger, better people!

Real-Life Stories

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Words to Know diabetes: A disease where your body can’t use sugar to make energy correctly. asthma: A condition where your lungs become inflamed and you can’t breathe as well. therapy: Help for emotional problems that usually involves talking to a counselor. exclude: Leave someone out of a group. convicted: Declared guilty of a crime by a judge or jury.

Chapter Two

What Makes Bullying Dangerous?

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o one wants to be bullied. Being teased, kicked, or left out of a group of friends isn’t fun. Young people who are bullied often dread going to school. All they can think about is how much they’re going to be bullied when they get there. Certainly bullying is unpleasant, but it can also be dangerous. Bullying has real and serious consequences in school.

MISSING SCHOOL If you were getting bullied just about every day at school, you probably wouldn’t enjoy going to school much anymore. You might tell your parents you were sick a lot so you could stay home. Or you might actually feel sick because of all the stress bullies cause you. You might even start skipping school. That’s exactly what lots of bullied young people end up doing. Instead of going to school and getting picked on, they avoid the problem. If they’re not at school, the bully can’t get to them.

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When you’re bullied, your grades often suffer.

Avoiding school isn’t a great answer to bullying. You’re supposed to be in school so you can learn what you need to know as an adult. You’re not helping your future self by not going to school. You’ll get worse grades. You might eventually fail a whole grade. Some bullied students end up dropping out of school.

DOING POORLY IN SCHOOL Even if you do make it to school while being bullied, you might not do as well once you’re there. Bullying gets in the way of studying and paying attention. If you worry or feel stressed all the time because someone is making fun of you, you may not feel like working hard in school. Instead of focusing on learning, bullied young people focus on staying away from bullies. They focus on how bad bullies make them feel. At home, they might have a hard time sleeping, because they’re so worried. Feeling sad and tired doesn’t usually lead to good learning. After a while, bullied students might stop learning, and their grades start to fall. They just don’t have the energy to do well at school. All their energy is focused on dealing with the bullying.

LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE Imagine a bully makes fun of your clothes every day. She tells you you’re stupid, and you’re not good at sports. She tells you that no one likes you, and you shouldn’t even be around.

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Of course, that’s not true. That’s only what the bully is telling you. She wants you to believe it and feel bad. And pretty soon, you may start to believe it. You find it hard to hear all those things and still feel like you’re a good person. Young people who are bullied often feel like they’re not normal. They feel as though no one likes them and that they’re worthless. They don’t have much self-confidence, which is the belief that you have the ability to do many things well and are a good person. Without self-confidence, people find lots of things are hard. Making friends is hard. Standing up in front of class and giving a report or presentation is hard. Standing up to bullies is even harder. Lack of self-confidence is like a big circle. A bully makes fun of you and makes you feel no one likes you. Then you start believing no one likes you. You start acting like it, and stop talking to people. As a result, you have fewer friends. What the bully said in the first place now seems true, because you don’t have many friends. And the bully keeps making fun of you. Even in the best of times, young people often have trouble with self-confidence. But bullies make having self-confidence even more difficult.

DEPRESSION Depression is an intense, long-term feeling of sadness. Everyone feels sad from time to time. Sadness and feeling bad sometimes is part of a normal life. But when you feel sad all the time and don’t ever feel like doing anything, that’s depression. You might have trouble sleeping and eating, feel sick all the time, and stop caring about things you normally care about. Depression is an illness. You wouldn’t blame someone with allergies, diabetes, or asthma for being sick. And it’s the same for someone with depression. It isn’t the person with depression’s fault he is ill. One thing that can lead to depression is bullying. Constantly worrying about bullying and feeling worthless can make people really sad. And that sadness can lead to depression. Depression gets in the way of life. People with depression may have a hard time doing schoolwork. They might find it hard to eat healthy and exercise. Making and keeping friends is hard. Like other illnesses, depression can be treated. Medicine, therapy, and a combination of both can help people who are depressed can get better. But sadly, bullies can stand in the way.

VIOLENCE Young people who are physically bullied can get really hurt. No one should ever punch, kick, or hurt you in any way at school—or anywhere else. But bullies don’t play by the rules. Physical bullies use violence to let out feelings. They don’t know how to interact with other people in a healthy way. Bullied people might end up becoming violent themselves. All that anger and sadness builds in them. Eventually it bursts out in violence. They might become bullies themselves. As we learned before, many young people who are physically abused at home end up becoming bullies and hurting other people.

What Makes Bullying Dangerous?

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After you’ve been bullied for a while, you might want to fight back with violence. It’s okay to defend yourself from getting hurt, but violence is never the answer.

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Getting Sick Some young people who are bullied fake getting sick so they don’t have to go to school. But they might actually be sick, too! Bullying causes stress and worry. People who are stressed and worried tend to get sicker more often. They start to not feel very well. Plus, their bodies can’t handle germs and can’t fight off sickness as well as people who are not stressed and worried. Real headaches and stomachaches, along with colds and other illnesses, are common complaints from people who are being bullied.

Bullying is involved in some of the scariest violence at school—school shootings. Although school shootings are rare, they do happen once in a while. Sometimes, the shooters are students who were bullied. They are angry and hurt, and they take it out on people with violence. In a more caring and bully-free world, there just might be a lot less violence in school.

SUICIDE One of the most common consequences of bullying is suicide. Sometimes being bullied is just too much, and the person can’t take it anymore. The only way out she sees is killing herself. She gives up and misses out on the rest of her life. Some scientists who study bullying have found young people who are bullied are a lot more likely to think about committing suicide. Many of those people actually try to commit suicide. And some of them succeed. The cruelest bullies tell their victims they should kill themselves, because no one likes them. Their victims believe them and think suicide is a good idea. If you ever hear anyone say something like this to you or anyone else, tell an adult immediately. Most of the time, young people who are bullied become depressed before committing suicide. Their depression gets so bad they lose any hope that life will get better. They believe the answer is suicide, even though lots of people love and care about them. Every story about someone who committed suicide is sad. But they are important to hear, so other suicides can be prevented. That’s what one mother hopes. Corinne Wilson’s mother submitted a story to Jaredstory.com, a website dedicated to victims of “bullycide,” which is the name for suicide caused by bullying. Corinne’s mother says that when her daughter was young, the family moved to a new town. Corinne had trouble fitting in at her new school. Her mother says, “She had trouble from the first day, she missed her old school and friends and didn’t feel as if she fit in here.” Her mother thought the answer might be sports. “I thought that if she played a sport that would help her to meet people, [but] unfortunately, it made it worse. It was Corinne’s first year playing

What Makes Bullying Dangerous?

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LGBT Youth and Suicide Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) students are more at risk of suicide. Being different from other young people is hard. Bullies often target LGBT youth because they think they are different. Bullies tease LGBT youth about their identity. They make jokes. They might even threaten them or beat them up. In the United States, nine in ten homosexual youth are treated badly because of their identity. All that bullying means LGBT teens try to commit suicide more often than other young people.

softball, and she was placed on a team of girls that had played for a considerable amount of time. They teased her relentlessly about her inability to play; she would cry after every practice.” Although Corinne’s mother talked to the coach, the bullying got worse. She says, “They continued to exclude her at practice which followed through to school. Corinne would periodically come home from school crying saying ‘No one likes me, I hate it here’… Then they started to tell Corinne she was fat and her hair was frizzy and make fun of her one day then befriend her the next.” One day, the bullying got really bad. “That morning in PE one of the girls slapped her… then wrote her notes all day telling her that she was fat, ugly, had ratty hair, and they wished she was dead and that she should just go home and kill herself. These girls decided that this was the ‘Theme of the Day,’ that Corinne should go home and kill herself.” Corinne decided she had had enough. She was sad and depressed. She hated school and life. So after she got home from school one day, Corinne found a gun in her home and committed suicide. Her family was heartbroken. They hadn’t known the bullying was so bad, so they didn’t know how much help she needed. The bullies had lied to her. A lot of people loved Corinne and were deeply upset by her death. Corinne had been a loving, smart, and active person. But because of bullying, she was gone. Her mom is a now codirector of Bully Police USA and director of Bully Police Texas. Bully Police is an organization that speaks up for bullied young people. It also tries to get the government to make new laws to stop bullying. She hopes to use her experiences to stop more suicides from happening to families like hers.

BAD FOR THE BULLY People mostly think about how bad bullying is for the person getting bullied. However, bullying also hurts the person doing the bullying. Studies show that people who bully as kids and teens are more likely to get in big trouble as adults. They steal or hurt people and get arrested. They might get hurt in a fight themselves. They might get caught with a gun and go to jail. One scientist in Norway found that more than half the students he studied who were bullies

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Is Bullying Really Just a Part of Growing Up? When young people tell an adult they are being bullied, the adult might say, “Bullying is just a part of growing up.” Throughout history, young people have had to deal with bullies as they grew up. But that doesn’t mean that everyone has to! Imagine how much better the world would be if we could stop bullying altogether. Young people shouldn’t be bullied just because that’s how it has always been. People fighting against bullying know that and are trying to change it.

ended up in serious trouble. They were convicted of a crime before they were even twenty-four years old! Bullies are also more at risk of suicide. You might think it makes more sense that only bullied people think about suicide. But bullies are often really unhappy and depressed, too; they just behave in a different way from the people they bully. Bullies can also be so unhappy that they commit suicide. But suicide is never a good answer. Things will get better—but only if you stay alive to see it happen.

BAD FOR THE WITNESS You might think there are only two people involved in bullying—the bully and the person being bullied. But witnesses to bullying are also involved. Bullying can even hurt the people who see it. You might see someone being bullied. You would probably feel bad for her, especially if you didn’t say or do anything to stop the bully. Witnesses can feel a lot of guilt for not stopping the bullying. They get stressed out and worry about being the bully’s next target. If the bully knows you saw what he did, it can be scary. Witnesses might not feel very safe at school, because they know bullying exists and that they might be next. Bullying hurts everyone involved—the bully, the victim, and even witnesses. Fortunately, a lot of people and programs are trying to end bullying for good.

What Makes Bullying Dangerous?

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Words to Know legislature: The part of a government that decides on new laws and changes to existing laws. transgender: A person who doesn’t feel completely male or female.

Chapter Three

Staying Safe and Being Prepared

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emember the young man who was bullied in chapter 1? He went through some tough times, but he found help at his school. He used a special program to make the bullying stop and to find strength and confidence to keep going. The SOS program at his school is just one example of the many ways people have figured out how to fight bullying. Schools, governments, and other organizations have all found ways to help young people who are bullied. They have made schools safer places to be and have even saved lives!

SCHOOLS Schools should know how to deal with bullying. Teachers, principals, guidance counselors, administrators, and other school personnel should know what to do if a student tells them he’s being bullied. Bully Police USA’s website lists several schools nominated for an award for the ways they fight bullies. These schools have figured out how to make students happier and safer at school. A principal at one school in Nevada handed out a survey to all his students. He asked them to write down the names of students who had bullied them. They didn’t write their names on the surveys, so no one would know who was writing down each bully’s name.

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Instead of punishing a bully, sometimes the best way to solve the problem is to talk to her and figure out how to help her.

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The American Medical Association has found that boys are more likely to be physically bullied, and girls are more likely to be bullied verbally or psychologically.

Then the principal collected the surveys. He met with the bullies one by one. But instead of punishing them, he talked with them. He found out why they were bullies. He asked what kinds of problems they had. He worked with the school to help the bullies. In turn, the bullies were happier and stopped bullying other students. Everyone won. Another school in New Jersey deals with bullying right from the start. The school has an antibullying program for kindergarteners and first-graders. Students learn about good character traits, like respect. They also learn about empathy, the skill of understanding other people’s feelings. This New Jersey school has a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. If any teacher or other school worker catches a student being bullied, he stops the bullying. Bullies are not ignored; they are punished. Bullies learn immediately their behavior is not OK. Counseling and anti-bullying programs are two good ways schools deal with bullying.

Staying Safe and Being Prepared

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Schools are where most bullying happens, so it’s important that schools take action to teach kids about how to deal with bullying.

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Most experts agree that the best way to fight bullying is to make positive changes to the whole school, instead of targeting individual kids.

Counseling helps individual students deal with being bullied. Anti-bullying programs stop people from being bullies in the first place. Students learn early in their school careers that bullying is hurtful and that there are better ways to deal with feelings. Some schools have classroom meetings. The teacher and students talk together about bullying or other classroom issues. The goal is to talk about problems in a safe location. If you’re in a classroom meeting, you might be afraid to bring up the fact a certain person is bullying you. Instead of using her name, you could talk more generally. Say, “Sometimes I feel scared and stressed out, because people pick on me.” Or, “The other day, I was tripped in the hall and then pushed to the ground.” Then your whole class can talk about how to make sure it doesn’t happen again, without singling out one person.

GOVERNMENTS Schools aren’t the only places with rules against bullying. Governments have them, too. Governments are supposed to protect people. Protecting them from bullying is part of the government’s job. In the United States, almost every state has laws against bullying. Some laws give parents the right to move their kids to new schools if they are being bullied or are caught being bullies. Other state laws say that all schools in that state have to have an anti-bullying plan. That way, if a student is caught being a bully, the school knows exactly what to do.

Staying Safe and Being Prepared

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International Stand Up to Bullying Day All around the world, people celebrate standing up to bullying on the third Friday in February. People who celebrate the day wear a special pink shirt to show others they are standing up to bullying. Schools and other places have special events that teach people about bullying and how to deal with it. The more people who know, the better!

As more and more people use the Internet socially, cyberbullying becomes a bigger and bigger problem. Just because it’s online doesn’t mean it’s okay to bully someone!

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Bullying Hotline Numbers Countries around the world have a phone number young people can call to get help with bullying. Trained people answer the phones and let victims know the next steps to take. In Australia: Kids Helpline, 1800-55-1800 In Canada: Kids Help Phone, 800-668-6868 In the United Kingdom: Bullying UK, 0808-800-2222 In the United States: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Other countries think even bigger. Japan’s government has anti-bullying laws that cover the entire country. The government learned about many students who had been bullied, including about those who committed suicide to end the bullying. With that information in hand, government officials decided to do something about bullying. The Japanese legislature passed a law that says all schools must tell the government about serious cases of bullying. Schools have to help make the bullying problem better. The law also says local governments have to keep an eye out for cyberbullying, which happens mostly outside of school. The government hopes the law will prevent more bullying and more suicides.

AND MORE Schools and governments aren’t the only ones trying to get rid of bullying. Groups around the world are trying to stamp out the problem of bullying, too. In Boston, Massachusetts, the Sports Museum has teamed up with athletes from the city’s sports teams to end bullying. The museum’s anti-bullying program is called Boston vs. Bullies. The Boston vs. Bullies website has a video with lots of athletes taking a stand against bullying. The video has athletes from the Boston Red Sox, the Celtics, the Patriots, and more. The program also has information for teachers and parents about bullying, Internationally, the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) started a program to fight bullying specifically of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) people. UNESCO organized a meeting of people from all over the world in 2011 to discuss LGBT bullying. They talked about how common it is and the harm it does. They discussed ways to end the bullying of LGBT people in schools. Attendees also talked about how UNESCO and others could stop bullying. People learned a lot, and UNESCO published a booklet and made some videos to teach others.

Staying Safe and Being Prepared

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Chapter Four

What Can You Do to Stay Safe?

Y

ou have the power to make bullies less powerful. You may even be able to stop the bullying you see. Each bully is different. One bully might stop hurting you if you stand up and say “No!” Another might not. Instead, the second bully might stop if you just ignore what’s going on. Try different things, and see what works for you. Don’t give up. Get some help, and the bullying will get better.

IF YOU’RE BULLIED If you’re dealing with bullying now, try out these tips. And even if you aren’t, you should know how to deal with bullying before it happens. • Avoid bullies. You won’t always be able to stay away from bullies, but you can do more than you think. If a bully sits right behind you in class, ask the teacher to move the seats around so you’re not sitting near her. If you always pass a bully walking home from school, find a different way to walk, take a bus, or see if you can get an adult to drive you home.

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Be confident when you’re dealing with bullies! People are more likely to stop picking on you if you seem sure of yourself. Make sure your body language tells people that you believe in yourself.

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When you hear a bully insulting you day in and day out, you might start to believe the things he is saying. Remember that he’s just trying to hurt you, and those things aren’t true!

• Be confident. Bullies often pick on people they think are weak. They want their victims to cry or scream. And maybe that’s what you feel like doing. Instead, try to stand up straight and tall. Pretend you’re not scared of the bully. If you can, look him in the eye. If the bully sees you’re not scared and aren’t going to get upset, he might back down. • Ignore the bully. Bullies want a reaction when they pick on you. Ignoring the bully and walking away might frustrate her. Ignoring bullies doesn’t always work, because every bully is different, but ignoring them is worth trying. Distract yourself if you can’t get away right then. Count backward from one hundred in your head. Look around and focus on something interesting going on somewhere else. • Be proud of yourself. Once a bully tells you you’re worthless, you might start believing you really are. The bully is wrong. Don’t tell yourself mean things and become your own bully. Focus on the things you like about yourself, and tell yourself the bully is just trying to be mean. You are a worthwhile person who can do a lot of things.

What Can You Do to Stay Safe?

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Having close friends can help you get through many hard things in your life.

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Bully on Campus & Online

How to Act Like You’re Confident A bully has just started picking on you. What do you do? Act confident! Even if you feel just the opposite, try doing these things: • • • • • •

Breathe deeply and slowly. Stand up or sit up straight. Don’t fold your hands across your chest; that makes you look scared. Speak calmly and loudly. Look the bully in the eye. Keep your shoulders tall and don’t slouch.

• Try to be friends with your bully. Yes, being friends with a bully sounds strange! But bullies are often lonely and have their own problems. They may not feel comfortable talking about those problems. If they know someone is listening and wants to be their friend, they might stop bullying. And if that person is you, they’ll stop bullying you! Ask the bully if something is wrong, invite him to hang out with you, and offer to talk. At the very least, your bully will be confused and will forget to bully you for a few minutes. At best, you’ll stop the bullying and gain a friend. • Find a group of friends you like and who like you. Sometimes bullies are people you think are your friends. If someone is bullying you, she isn’t your friend. Find people who don’t make you feel bad. Hang out with friends and family who make you feel good. Try new things—like art, sports, and music—to see if you can find a friend group that works for you. • Tell someone. Tell a teacher, a guidance counselor, a relative, or a family friend that you’re being bullied. If one person you tell doesn’t do anything about the bullying, tell someone else. Eventually you’ll find someone who can do something and will make the bullying stop. • See a guidance counselor or school therapist. Your school’s guidance counselor or therapist is there to help you deal with problems, like bullying. He can give you a safe space to talk about your feelings and help you find solutions to bullying. Just talking about the bullying can make you feel better. • Remember you’re not alone. Lots and lots of young people are bullied. Take a look around. You might notice other people who are also being bullied. Talk to them. Knowing there are many people just like you helps. Chances are, you know someone else who has been bullied.

IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE Get help right away! Adults take depression and suicide seriously, and so should you. If you find yourself sad all the time and have a hard time getting yourself to do things, you might be depressed.

What Can You Do to Stay Safe?

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If you’re in a situation that you can’t handle, or you’re afraid to get involved, tell a teacher or other adult. They’re there to help you!

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Bully on Campus & Online

Know the Warning Signs of Suicide Suicide is a tragedy. And suicides caused by bullying can be prevented. There are often clues that a young person is thinking about suicide. If you notice anyone doing any of the following things, tell an adult right away: • • • •

Talking about death a lot, or talking about dying Hurting themselves, such as cutting, doing a lot of drugs, or taking huge risks Saying good-bye to people, even though they aren’t leaving Saying they can’t handle life anymore or that the world would be better without them

Depression is pretty common. And doctors know how to treat it. You can go to a therapist and talk about your feelings. Therapists can teach you better ways of thinking about your life so that you’re not depressed all the time. They can also teach you better ways of dealing with bullies, so your original problem gets better, too. Sometimes, doctors can also give you antidepressants if they think medication is right. Antidepressants are pills that change how chemicals in your brain work. They help lift your mood and get back to a normal life. If you or anyone you know ever seriously thinks about suicide, get help immediately. Call the police or a hotline (listed in chapter 3). Tell a parent or adult at school. Whomever you tell will take immediate action and get you help. You may think your life is terrible, but you can get help and be happy again. Just don’t give up!

IF YOU SEE BULLYING Even if you aren’t being bullied, you can still fight it. Maybe you’ve watched a friend get bullied. Or you’re friends with a bully. You don’t have to sit by and just let it happen. Seeing someone else get bullied can be scary. You feel bad for the other person. You might also be scared that the bully will turn on you next. So you just stay quiet and don’t say anything. Challenge yourself to tell the bully to stop. That lets her know that people watching aren’t cheering her on. Or try to talk to the bully about something else. You can distract her and get her to forget what she was doing in the first place. Standing up to a bully is a big deal. If you’re too scared, see if you can get some friends to help. If several of you stand up for the person being bullied, the bully is less likely to start hurting you instead. You can always tell an adult, too. A teacher, parent, paraprofessional, or anyone else around can really help. They have the power to stop the bully and to figure out what is going on. And you’ll stay safe by staying out of the bully’s way.

What Can You Do to Stay Safe?

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If someone you know is being bullied, being a friend to her is one of the best ways you can help.

If you run into the person you saw getting bullied, be nice to her. Talk to her. Offer to sit next to her at lunch or on the bus. Chances are she needs a friend. Having someone to talk to will help her feel a lot better about her day, and maybe even her whole life. Whatever you do, don’t encourage the bully. Bullies want a reaction from people, including witnesses. If you laugh or say anything positive about the bullying, the bully will get what he wants. And whatever you do, don’t join in the bullying!

IF YOU ARE A BULLY Anyone can stop bullying, even if you’re the bully yourself. Bullies often find it hard to change their behavior. But there are ways to stop. If you realize you have bullied someone, apologize to the person. Tell him you know what you did was wrong and you’re sorry. You can’t take back the bullying, but you can make your victim feel better by apologizing. Now figure out how you want to act differently. Do you say mean things about people’s clothes

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Bully on Campus & Online

If you have trouble controlling your anger, remember that there are better ways to deal with it than taking it out on other people.

and looks? Remind yourself to just not say anything. You might think the shirt your friend is wearing is ugly, but you don’t have to tell her that. Do you push and shove people? You might have a problem with anger. Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor to figure out how you can be mad without hurting people.

What Can You Do to Stay Safe?

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Martial arts is as much about learning respect for yourself and others as it is about learning to fight. Martial arts can help you become a more confident, happier person!

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Bully on Campus & Online

Martial Arts Some young people use martial arts to beat bullies. However, they use martial arts in ways that might surprise you. Students of karate, judo, tae kwon do, and more learn that they should never use violence unless they have absolutely no other choice. So you won’t be learning how to karate chop or kick your bullies in the face. Instead, you’ll learn how to respect people and how to be confident. Many martial arts students start taking classes because they have been bullied. And after a while, they stop getting bullied, because they seem more self-confident. They are proud that they can defend themselves. Bullies can tell and leave them alone. So by learning self-defense, you’ll never have to fight!

Adults will respect you a lot if you ask them for help. Not everyone can see that he’s a bully. And not everyone can ask for help. Once you do, you’ll find that life gets better. It’s never too late to change how you act. Stop being a bully while you’re still young, and you’ll save yourself years of trouble. Bullying can make school dangerous. From bad grades, to feeling lonely, to depression and suicide, bullying can have real consequences for both the bullied and the bully. Because bullying is so common in schools, every young person should know how to deal with it. Whether you are being bullied or are watching the bullying, you’ll be prepared. By standing up to bullying, you’ll be making your school a better, safer place.

What Can You Do to Stay Safe?

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Find Out More ONLINE Dealing with Bullies kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html Kids Against Bullying www.pacerkidsagainstbullying.org/#/home Pacer’s National Bullying Prevention Center www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/info-facts.asp It’s My Life: Bullying pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies Stopbullying.gov www.stopbullying.gov/kids

IN BOOKS Criswell, Patti Kelley. Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends: Dealing with Bullies and Bossiness and Finding a Better Way. Middleton, Wisc.: American Girl Publishing, 2009. Ellis, Deborah. We Want You to Know: Kids Talk about Bullying. Vancouver, B.C.: Publishers Group Canada, 2010. Goodstein, Phyllis Kaufman, and Elizabeth Verdick. Bystander Power: Now with Anti-Bullying Action. Minneapolis, Minn.: Free Spirit Publishing, 2012. Humphrey, Sandra McLeod. Hot Issues, Cool Choices: Facing Bullies, Peer Pressure, Popularity, and Put-Downs. Amherst, N.Y.: Prometheus Books, 2007. Ludwig, Trudy. Confessions of a Former Bully. New York: Dragonfly Books, 2012.

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Index adults 14–15, 20, 23–25, 35, 39–41, 43 anti-bullying program 29, 31, 33 antidepressants 41 apology 11, 43 cyberbullying 10–11, 32–33 depression 15, 21, 23, 39, 41, 45 feelings 11, 15, 20–21, 29, 31, 39, 41, 45 friends 9, 11–12, 15, 19, 21–23, 38–39, 41–43 government 24, 26–27, 31, 33 guidance counselors 14–15, 27, 39, 43 help 8, 14–16, 21, 23–24, 27–29, 33, 35, 38–44 hitting 11 hotlines 33, 41 International Stand Up to Bullying Day 32

popularity 46 power 9, 35, 41 principal 27, 29 scared 31, 37, 39, 41 school 9, 11–12, 15, 19–21, 23–25, 27, 29, 31, 33, 35, 39, 41, 45 scientists 15, 23–24 self-confidence 20–21 sick 19, 21–23 social bullying 11 Sports Museum 33 stress 15, 19, 22–23 suicide 23–25, 33, 39, 41, 45 teachers 11, 27, 29, 31, 33, 35, 39–41, 43 therapists 15, 39, 41 United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) 33 United States 24, 31, 33, 48

Japan 33 learning 20, 44–45 LGBT issues 24, 33

verbal bullying 9 violence 21, 23, 45 witness 25

martial arts 44–45 zero-tolerance 29 physical bullying 11

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About the Author & Consultant Kim Etingoff lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She spends part of her time working on farms, and enjoys writing on topics related to health and nutrition. Dr. Ronald D. Stephens currently serves as executive director of the National School Safety Center. His past experience includes service as a teacher, assistant superintendent, and school board member. Administrative experience includes serving as a chief school business officer, with responsibilities over school safety and security, and as vice president of Pepperdine University. Dr. Stephens has conducted more than 1000 school security and safety site assessments throughout the United States. He was described by the Denver Post as “the nation’s leading school crime prevention expert.” Dr. Stephens serves as consultant and frequent speaker for school districts, law enforcement agencies and professional organizations worldwide. He is the author of numerous articles on school safety as well as the author of School Safety: A Handbook for Violence Prevention. His career is distinguished by military service. He is married and has three children.

Picture Credits Dreamstime.com: 8: Godfer 10: Studiovespa 12: Hongqi Zhang (aka Michael Zhang) 13: Sneekerp 14: Lisa F. Young 26: Rmarmion 29: Isabel Poulin 32: Pixattitude 38: Lisa F. Young 43: Igor Dutina Fotolia.com: 16: fuzzbones

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18: micromonkey 20: Monkey Business 22: iceteastock 28: WavebreakMediaMicro 30: rnl 31: zetwe 34: totti 36: gracelin 37: Mat Hayward 40: WavebreakmediaMicro 42: prudkov 44: Rob