Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering: Life Choices, Identities and Methods 9781447365648

Citation preview

Edited by Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-Janků

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering Life Choices, Identities and Methods

BIOGRAPHICAL RESEARCH AND THE MEANINGS OF MOTHERING Life Choices, Identities and Methods Edited by Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků

First published in Great Britain in 2023 by Policy Press, an imprint of Bristol University Press University of Bristol 1-​9 Old Park Hill Bristol BS2 8BB UK t: +​44 (0)117 374 6645 e: bup-​[email protected] Details of international sales and distribution partners are available at policy.bristoluniversitypress.co.uk © Bristol University Press 2023 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978-​1-​4473-​6562-​4 hardcover ISBN 978-​1-​4473-​6563-​1 ePub ISBN 978-​1-​4473-​6564-​8 ePdf The right of Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-Janků to be identified as editors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved: no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior permission of Bristol University Press. Every reasonable effort has been made to obtain permission to reproduce copyrighted material. If, however, anyone knows of an oversight, please contact the publisher. The statements and opinions contained within this publication are solely those of the editors and contributors and not of the University of Bristol or Bristol University Press. The University of Bristol and Bristol University Press disclaim responsibility for any injury to persons or property resulting from any material published in this publication. Bristol University Press and Policy Press work to counter discrimination on grounds of gender, race, disability, age and sexuality. Cover design: Nicky Borowiec Front cover image: 123rf/​z1b Bristol University Press and Policy Press use environmentally responsible print partners. Printed and bound in Great Britain by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY

Contents Notes on contributors Acknowledgements Foreword Preface

v ix xi xii

Introduction  Biographical approaches to mothering: identities and lived realities Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků

1

1

Becoming and being a Polish mother: narratives on the motherhood experience Katarzyna Gajek

18

2

‘A good mother is a good mother and a good wife’: gender politics and mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women Elham Amini

41

3

Exploration of mothering and shifting identities in Kenya Fibian Lukalo

61

4

Biographies of Roma mothering in contemporary Czechia: exploring tapestries of multi-​ethnic gendered identity in a marginalised social position Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků and Jana Obrovská

82

5

Identities and life choices of mothers in a disadvantaged neighbourhood in England Lyudmila Nurse

6

Giving voice to Irish mothers experiencing separation and divorce 121 Rosemary Crosse and Michelle Millar

7

Ideal, good enough and failed motherhood: how disabled Canadian mothers manage in hostile circumstances Claudia Malacrida

140

8

Confronting meanings of motherhood in neoliberal Australia: six crystallised case studies Laetitia Coles, Emma Cooke and Jasneek Chawla

158

9

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering: biographical perspectives on identity challenges of foster mothers Daniela Reimer

194

iii

103

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

10

Non-​mothers: identities, ambiguity, biography making and life choices Joan Cronin

216

Conclusion  Exploring mothering in future biographical research: interdisciplinarity, transdisciplinarity and new research agendas Lisa Moran, Lyudmila Nurse and Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků

233

Index

246

iv

Notes on contributors Elham Amini is Lecturer in Sociology at the University of Liverpool, UK, and the co-​leader of the Publics and Practices research cluster. Her research focuses on the gendered and sexual experiences of Iranian Muslim menopausal women through a life history biographical narrative approach. By highlighting menopause, ageing, notions of the body and medicalisation in relation to sexuality and gender, she articulates women’s understanding of and from their menopausal bodies. Jasneek Chawla is a Paediatric Respiratory and Sleep Medicine Specialist at the Queensland Children’s Hospital, Brisbane, Australia, and an Associate Professor with the Child Health Research Centre and Clinical Unit, Faculty of Medicine, University of Queensland. Associate Professor Chawla is actively involved in clinical research, and leads the paediatric sleep medicine research group in Brisbane. Her areas of interest include sleep in children with disabilities and the development of novel measurement tools for respiratory and sleep evaluation in infants and children. She is a board member for the Australasian Sleep Association, in the role of Education Chair and Deputy Chair of the Annual Conference Committee. She is also an executive board member for the International Paediatric Sleep Association. Laetitia Coles is a researcher at the University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia. She is a mixed-​methods sociologist, with expertise in how gender shapes parents’ work and care experiences. Laetitia has worked in multidisciplinary teams across a broad range of programme areas, focusing on the experiences of sleep within families, experiences with the medical system among families of children with a disability, and gender dynamics within the early childhood education and care sector. Laetitia is interested in research translation, including the ways in which ‘departing radically from academic writing’ (DRAW) methods can facilitate this translation. Emma Cooke is Postdoctoral Research Fellow in the Child Health Research Centre at the University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia. She is a sociologist with expertise in qualitative research and DRAW (‘departing radically in academic writing’), and works in interdisciplinary teams. Dr Cooke researches the lived experiences of children, educators and families, and is particularly interested in relaxation, sleep, gender and wellbeing. Joan Cronin is Lecturer in the Department of Sociology and Criminology at University College Cork, Ireland. She previously served as Head of Research with AONTAS, Ireland’s National Adult Learning Organisation. v

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Her current research projects explore gender matters: women’s lives and experiences in the criminal justice system and education for female relatives of prisoner’s and ex-​prisoners. Rosemary Crosse holds a Doctorate in Sociology and a BA in Political Science, Sociology and Psychology from the National University of Ireland, Galway. Her research interests include gender inequality, with an emphasis on structural inequalities and the possible paradoxical effects that social policy may have on women, and a particular interest in those parenting alone. Katarzyna Gajek is social pedagogue, a Doctor of Humanities in the discipline of Education, and an Assistant Professor at the Department of Social Pedagogy and Social Rehabilitation, University of Łódź, Poland. Her research areas include gender studies, the phenomenon of violence (domestic violence, bullying and human trafficking), social exclusion and empowerment processes, and qualitative research methods, especially biographical methods and discourse analysis. Fibian Lukalo is Kenya Country Director for Landesa, an international non-​governmental organisation that works on improving the tenure security of vulnerable rural communities throughout the world. Fibian is the former Director for Research at the National Lands Commission, Kenya. She received her PhD in Sociology of Education and Gender in 2010 from the University of Cambridge, UK. She has held numerous fellowships, including the Vera Campbell Fellowship at the School for Advanced Research at Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA, the Nordic African Institute in Uppsala, Sweden, and theCODESRIA Gender Institute in Senegal. Fibian holds a Diploma from Columbia Law School & the Earth Institute (USA) on Extractives and Sustainable Development. Claudia Malacrida is Professor of Sociology (Emerita) and a former Board of Governors Research Chair in Sociology at the University of Lethbridge, Canada. Her research has focused on the power relations embedded in motherhood, disability, institutionalisation and childbirth. She is the author of several books on disability, health and the body, including ‘Mourning the Dreams: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Early Infant Death’ (Left Coast Press), ‘Sociology of the Body: A Reader’ (Oxford University Press), ‘Cold Comfort: Mothers, Professionals and ADHD’ (University of Toronto Press) and ‘A Special Hell: Institutional Life in Alberta’s Eugenic Years’ (University of Toronto Press). Michelle Millar is Senior Research Fellow at the UNESCO Child and Family Research Centre, and has acted as Principal Investigator on several vi

Notes on contributors

funded research projects, including the IRC Social Protection Research Innovation Award, the outputs of which culminated in her receiving the President’s Award for Societal Impact from the National University of Ireland, Galway in 2019. Lisa Moran is Senior Lecturer and Head of Department at the Department of Social Care and Early Childhood, South East Technological University, Waterford, Ireland. Her principal research interests are biographic narrative methodologies, the working lives of veterinarians, children who are in state care, and research ethics. She is Senior Fellow of the Higher Education Academy, UK, and Vice-​P resident of the Sociological Association of Ireland. Lyudmila Nurse is Honorary Research Fellow in the Department of Education, University of Oxford, where she was a Research fellow between 2017 and 2022. She is a Research Director of Oxford XXI think tank, of which she is a co-​founder. Her research and publications include international comparative studies of identities and belonging, migration, cultural diversity, the wellbeing of families with children and young people, parenting, educational inequalities and qualitative and biographical research methods. Lyudmila is a co-​editor of the Policy Press (Bristol) book series ‘Advances in Biographical Research’. She is currently Coordinator of Research Network 03 ‘Biographical Perspectives on European Societies’ of the European Sociological Association. Jana Obrovská is affiliated with the Department of Education, Masaryk University, Brno, Czechia, dealing with research topics such as student diversity, inclusive education, education of minority groups, and socio-​ cultural disadvantage in educational processes. Methodologically, she focuses on qualitative research, especially on school ethnography. She was the principal investigator as well as team member of several research projects supported by the Czech Science Foundation. She was also involved in international projects supported within the grant scheme Horizon 2020 (such as the Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society [ISOTIS] project). Currently, she is a member of the education research group within National Institute for Research on the Socioeconomic Impact of Disease and Systemic Risk (SYRI), Masaryk University, Brno, Czechia. Daniela Reimer is Professor in the School of Social Work, Zurich University of Applied Science, Switzerland. She holds university diplomas in social work (2004) and pedagogy (2007) and a PhD on normality and biography (2016) from the University of Siegen, Germany. Her research is vii

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

on foster care, normality, family images and biography. In addition to her research, she is involved in transferring research to practice and teaches history and theories in social work. Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků is Senior Researcher at the Institute for Applied Research on Aging at the Carinthia University of Applied Sciences, Austria and was previously Assistant Professor at Masaryk University and the University of Ostrava, Czechia. She was educated at Masaryk University and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in media studies and communication and sociology, and a master’s degree and PhD degree in Sociology, focusing on ethnographic research of ethnic minority migration, qualitative and biographical methods, and research ethics. Recently she is a PhD candidate in architecture at the Czech Technical University in Prague and she focuses on interdisciplinary and transdisciplinary research, PAR, technological support of social innovations and the analysis of public spaces of small cities in the phenomenological perspective.

viii

Acknowledgements There are many people who we wish to acknowledge and thank who helped us to make this book a reality; our authors, families, friends and colleagues whose personal and professional insights on mothering and non-​mothering biographies proved invaluable in shaping this book. We would like to thank colleagues at the Department of Education, University of Oxford, which was a lead organisation in implementation of one of the largest comparative qualitative biographical studies of mothers in ten European countries (part of the Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society [ISOTIS] project), and especially Professor Edward Melhuish and Professor Jacqueline Barnes; Professor Kathy Silva for her encouraging comments about the study and findings and of the panel presentations at Utrecht conference; colleagues at the Department’s Child Development and Learning group and the Department’s Qualitative Research Hub, and its convener Associate Professor Velda Elliott for providing a discussion platform for presenting methodology and findings from the ISOTIS biographical study.. We would like to thank the organisers of the 2019 conference Equality and Inclusion (University of Utrecht) at which the results of the ISOTIS biographical study were presented at the panel discussion ‘Identities and discrimination: overcoming stigmatization of being disadvantaged in fragmented European societies’. We would like to say special thanks to colleagues in Research Network 03 of the European Sociological Association ‘Biographical Perspectives on European Societies’, and especially to Professor Maggie O’Neill for her invaluable friendly advice and for making time to discuss our biographical work at conferences and informally. We express our gratitude to Professor Kaja Kazmierska and her colleagues, who helped with the organisation of a panel discussion of the ISOTIS project at the Research Network 03 mid-​term conference hosted by University of Łódź in 2018. We would like to thank Professor Robert Miller and Professor Fritz Schütze for their reflections and advice on the initial outcomes of the biographical study of mothers, presented at the conference in Łódź. We would like to acknowledge the Sociological Association of Ireland for their support of biographical research; the Biographic Narrative and Lifecourse Research Network of the Sociological Association of Ireland for many dialogues with regard to the meanings of mothering and motherhood, agendas and innovations in biographical research. We would like to thank Dr Lorraine Green (Edge Hill University), Dr Tanja Kovačič (University of Galway), Dr Patricia Prieto Blanco (Lancaster University), Prof Anne Byrne (University of Galway) and Prof Gayle Letherby (University of Plymouth) for their cooperation , friendship and invaluable insights on biographic narrative ix

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

interviewing. We are very grateful to our many colleagues and friends in the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Czechia and Austria. We would like to thank our outstanding authors for sharing both scholarly interpretations of mothering and non-​mothering and reflective personal experiences with us, and for the many conversations, dialogues and other communications that you have shared with us throughout this process that were so important to this book. We especially would like to acknowledge Dr Joan Cronin (University College Cork) for her collegiality and commitment to this book and for broadening the research agenda on non-​mothering. Our sincerest gratitude is due to Isobel Bainton, our Commissioning Editor at Bristol University Press, for her outstanding collegiality, support and generosity since the start of this scholarly collaboration. Our thanks to Jay Allan, Senior Assistant Editor at Bristol University Press, for their practical and constructive support of the book’s editorial team. We are especially grateful for the love, care and encouragement of our families during this entire process, without whose support this book would not have come to fruition. Lyudmila especially thanks her husband Chris and their children Elizabeth and Stephen, who supported her work wholeheartedly and regularly offered a helping hand. Lisa especially wants to thank her parents Annette and Christy and her brother Chris for their unwavering support, encouragement and love. Kateřina thanks her colleagues and friends Jana Hořická, Antonín Kretek and Johannes Oberzaucher for joint thinking and creative endeavours without which she would not have been able to meet her commitments to this book. We dedicate this book to our families and our mothers. We would also like to dedicate this book to the women; mothers and non-​mothers from Australia, Canada, Czechia, Germany, Iran, Ireland, Kenya, Poland and UK, who agreed to participate in individual studies and whose voices make this book such an important contribution to international research and policy. We acknowledge the many women whose life experiences are documented in this book, whose stories of mothering, motherhood and non-​mothering in diverse circumstances have truly humbled us as researchers. Last, but not least, we dedicate this book to everyone who engages in the constant chain of highly demanding yet extremely rewarding practices of care. Without you, the world as we know it would cease to exist.

x

Foreword Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-Janků This co-​edited book engages with biographical research approaches as applied to mothers’ lives, and the notion of mothering, and critically analyses key questions associated with economic and social inequalities, intersectionality, gender and identity, engaging with cultural discourses of what mothering means in different cultures and societies. The book engages with changing attitudes and approaches to mothering based on women’s individual biographical experiences, illuminating how socially anticipated tasks of mothering shaped through interlinking state, media, religious beliefs and broader society are reflected in their identities and individual life choices. Through consideration of trust, rapport, reflexivity and self-​care, this collection advances methodological practice in the study of the lives of mothers, carers and childless women. This book extensively applies biographical and narrative research methods to mothering from international perspectives The book also critically examines issues pertaining to biographical research methods –​what it means to undertake biographical research in studies on mothering and mothers’ lives, demonstrating novel methods in international methodological practice. The chapters throughout this book engage with issues that are critically important in biographical research, including self-​care, rapport, trust, reflexivity and self-​reflection, showing how these processes shape and reflect narratives of mothering and research encounters with women in various social contexts.

xi

Preface Why a book on modern mothering? Motherhood and mothering are probably among the most researched subjects within various social sciences (such as sociology, psychology, anthropology) and inter-​related subdisciplines (sociology of the family, the psychology of motherhood; anthropology of motherhood), yet the pace of social changes –​transformations to women’s roles in society, changing structures of family, debates about gender equity in employment, societal attitudes towards reproductive politics, and changing parenting practices –​ necessitates constant updates on mothering as a social phenomenon and everyday practice. This co-​edited book comprises international scholarly biographical perspectives on mothering in and across diverse social and cultural contexts, highlighting cultural nuances surrounding mothering and the complexity of ‘ordinary’ and ‘everyday’ mothering practices. Significantly, this book comprises contributions from western and eastern Europe, western Asia, Canada, Australia and Africa, illuminating the complexity of a range of inter-​related factors (for example, socio-​political, cultural and economic) that shape and reflect mothering practices in contemporary global societies. The initial idea for this co-​edited book on biographical approaches to modern mothering sparked intensive discussion between the co-​editors and authors about the results of several research projects (international collaborative projects and individual research) and publications on mothering that the co-​editors previously completed, and identified areas that required further intensive academic exchanges. The 2017–​2019 international biographical study of mothers that was part of the EC Horizon 2020 ISOTIS project (Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society) was led by Lyudmila Nurse at the Department of Education University of Oxford. She worked in collaboration with Kateřina Sidiropulu-​ Janků (co-​editor and author in this book) and Jana Obrovská (author in this book), who conducted their research in Czechia, and Katarzyna Gajek (author in this book), who conducted her research in Poland. Lisa Moran conducted biographical, narrative work with mothers of children who were in long-​term foster care and residential care in Ireland and the UK, and interviewed mothers seeking asylum in the Republic of Ireland. These collaborations included intensive discussions about newly evolving topics of non-​mothering with Joan Cronin (author in this book), mothering in economically difficult circumstances and the experiences of women whose voices are often marginalised from contemporary policy m ​ aking and societal forums, including lone mothers, women who are divorced and/​or separated and foster mothers of children who are in the care of child welfare systems internationally. Subsequently, we found that there was a distinct xii

Preface

niche for a text on biographical research methods as applied to mothering practices globally, which would bring together contributions from authors in majority-​and minority-​world contexts. This book, which encompasses dynamic biographical reflections on mothering as a socially constructed process and practice in diverse socio-​cultural communities, countries and continents, fulfils this role. Cooperation with colleagues from Europe in the European Sociological Association and the European Sociological Association ’s Research Network 03 and across the Atlantic (Canada, US) through the Biographic Narrative and Lifecourse Research Network of the Sociological Association of Ireland provided a unique platform for knowledge exchange about the use of biographical approaches in exploring motherhood and mothering from the perspectives of women with children and those who actively choose not to have children. This book is therefore an important channel for sharing and advancing interdisciplinary achievements in this field and for building and maintaining cooperation with biographical scholarly communities in Europe, the Americas, Australia, West Asia and Africa, and constitutes a significant sourcebook for training future biographical scholars on mothering and motherhood internationally. During these meetings with biographical scholarly colleagues, the main themes explored in this book evolved and are as follows: • mothering as a complex everyday process and as a socially identified set of practices usually associated with bearing and rearing children from a bottom-​up perspective; • mothering, identities and processes of self-​identification; • mothering, individualism and agency; • socially constructed assumptions about ‘successful’ and ‘failed’ mothering; • religious beliefs and mothering; • non-​normative mothering; • life choices, mothering and non-​mothering; • creative application of biographical approaches, research agendas and innovations. These themes are subsequently discussed in the Introduction and further developed within individual chapters. The chapters in this book presents women’s reflexive dialogues on the meaning of mothering from the perspectives of their own life experiences, life situations, life decision stages and circumstances. The biographical narrative materials presented in this book further demonstrate the complexity and layeredness of mothering and the importance of women’s own biographical experiences and narrations. In the following subsections, we categorise chapters according to the key themes that are explored further in this book. However, it should be noted xiii

newgenprepdf

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

that these themes intersect and chapters regularly allude to and demonstrate intersections in thematic areas, further underlining how societal expectations of mothering and everyday mothering practices engender many different (and often competing) dimensions. The principal themes explored in this book encompass reflections and research observations on the following: • biographical narratives of mothers, which are connected to wider, societal discourses of motherhood and societal and individual perceptions of mothering; • cultural and social variances in what ‘mothering’ means; • how ‘successful mothering’ is enacted from the perspective of mothers from disadvantaged backgrounds, low-​income families, those who are self-​e mployed and professional, and immigrant and ethnic-​ minority backgrounds; • narratives of mothering in specific contexts and policy and practice responses; • methodological innovations in biographical research on mothering from international research contexts. The book opens discussion on mothering and care in modern societies from the bottom-​up perspective. It aims to give voices to mothers and carers from often marginalised backgrounds, and to demonstrate the complexity of the meanings of mothering across cultures and societies. Although chapters in the book are based on different methodological approaches, they present a coherent picture of multidimensional meanings of mothering in the modern age. Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků

xiv

INTRODUCTION

Biographical approaches to mothering: identities and lived realities Lyudmila Nurse, Lisa Moran and Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků

This chapter provides an overview of extant state-​of-​the-​art international research scholarship on mothering, with a specific focus on biographical approaches to mothering and motherhood. We specifically engage with the potential of biographical research methods in relation to the book’s principal themes (for example, individualisation, decision-​making, self-​ identification, choice, non-​normative mothering and agency), which both shape and reflect the multidimensionality of mothering in diverse social and cultural circumstances and culturally anticipated narratives of idealised motherhoods. This volume engages with three (intersecting) notions of reflexivity, positionalities and the multilayered nature of everyday lived realities, which are intrinsic to biographical research perspectives (Wengraf, 2001; Chamberlayne et al, 2002; Caetano, 2019). It discusses key theoretical and methodological perspectives on mothering in relation to salient topics: definitions of mothering, identity, ethics and cultural sensitivity of the biographical approach.

Exploring the multidimensionality of mothering Complexity of everyday mothering practices The area of research on mothering is very broad and is rapidly developing (Smyth, 2012; Ennis, 2014; Lee et al, 2014). The impact of feminist scholarship in the arts, literature and academia the increased feminisation of workforces in western societies, raised educational attainments for women, ongoing political debates with regard to reproductive politics and social movements such as MeToo have further accelerated this expansion of mothering research (O’Reilly, 2010; Lee et al, 2014; Yoo, 2020). In her review study, Arendell (2000) categorised research on mothering and motherhood into four overlapping domains: identities and meanings of mothering; relationships, with both children and others; experiences and activities of mothering; and the social locations and structural contexts from 1

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

within which women care for their children and other family members, which pertain to education and economic factors. Significantly, Arendell further illuminates the significance of class, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, national origin and immigrant background in research agendas of mothering generally. While Arendell’s work originated two decades ago, and is based primarily on the North American experiences of mothering and motherhood, present international research on mothering may be broadly couched within these intersecting categorisations, although novel themes emerge as motherhood and society evolves and changes. More recently, for example, mothering research in relation to wellbeing and maternal satisfaction, migrant motherhoods (Haynes, 2013), technology and transnational identities (Chib et al 2014), mothering during the COVID-19 pandemic (Molgora and Accordini, 2020; O’Reilly and Green, 2021; Cummins and Brannon, 2022) and motherhood as a dynamic site of socio-​political struggles, is accorded prominence (Smith-​Silva, 2014). While the current international research on mothering and motherhood reflects global social changes with regard to women’s lives generally and the growing importance accorded to mothers’ experiences in policy and society; the research also demonstrates remarkable constancy as per Arendell’s themes. Beyond static definitions of mothering While definitions of mothering and what constitutes ‘good’ and ‘bad’ mothering prevail in some extant literature and societal and policy discourse (Christopher, 2012), the concept of mothering itself remains opaque, elusive and slippery (Muller, 2008). Reflecting novel directions of contemporary research on lives lived under stringent lockdown during COVID-19 and mothering in post-​COVID-19 realities, recent research illuminated how norms surrounding intensive mothering were reinforced and also challenged in online communities among mothers in Bahrain (Bailey, 2022). This is indicative of how mothering, conceptualised in its complexity as both socially constructed processes (Phoenix et al, 1991) and socially anticipated practices, continually emerges and transforms dynamically in relation to (interlinking) global cultural changes. Importantly, it is a pertinent example of how mothering is a contested notion, and areas of confluence and convergence in terms such as ‘intensive mothering’ and/​ or ‘good’ and ‘bad’ mothering are both permeable and shifting. Recent research has engaged with conceptualisation of mothering as grounded in multiple and interlinking social contexts. This research reveals how relationship between religion and state may affect expectations about good mothering in Poland (Gajek and Marchlik, 2021) and the influence of Sharia law on women’s experiences of sexuality and motherhood in Iran (Amini and McCormack, 2021). The incorporation of biographical 2

Introduction

research insights into women’s real life experiences and cultural nuances in specific communities and contexts that regulate mothers’ experiences every day is a significant cornerstone of this work (Chapter 4 and Obrovská and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2021). The dualism of being a so-​called ‘good’ and/​or ‘bad’ mother is therefore overtly simplistic and reductionist; the everyday complexities of mothering are much more nuanced than this dichotomy can ever truly capture and encompass. Research emphasis on mothers negotiating co-​existing (and competing) subjectivities in everyday life reflects this more nuanced understanding of mothering in relation to multiple subjectivities and mothering identities that are constructed in and across time (Gilbert et al 2022). Subsequently, such approaches underpin and inform empirical insights presented by authors in this book (Chapters 1, 3, 5 and 6) Drawing on recent lifecourse approaches to mothering (Michalsen, 2011) and lifecourse research in psychological and sociological research (Green, 2016), this book critically engages with mothering as a multidimensional experience, showing that mothering as a negotiated social practice (and set of practices) reaches far beyond prevailing societal discourses about what constitutes socially legitimate mothering and motherhood (see Chapters 7 and 9). These insights on the multidimensionality of mothering also move farther beyond static conceptualisations of mothering as a predominantly linear, defined period of women’s lives during which women bear and raise children. The lifecourse approach exhibits greater flexibility in comparison with ‘lifespan development’, highlighting the non-​linear and non-​chronological ordering or flow of people’s everyday lives (Green, 2016) and the significance of non-​rational, sensual experiences and emotions in people’s experiences. Prevailing lifecourse scholarship further elucidates the significance of continuous processes of identity reconstruction in everyday life, and areas of confluence and convergence in socially constructed visions of women’s lives versus their actual lived realities, which essentially pit ‘spinsterhood’ and non-​m othering in strict opposition to ideal motherhood, which is characterised (largely) by western-​looking women, who are predominantly White, middle-​class, professionally educated and economically active (Doyle, 2018). However, research by Nurse (2020) and Malacrida (2020) presented in Chapters 5 and 7 challenges these perspectives on idealised mothering. Malacrida in chapter 7 shows how disabled Canadian mothers subvert notions of ideal motherhood every day. Nurse in chapter 5 extrapolates powerful narratives of women living in economically and socially challenging situations in England with regard to their own futures and wanting the best for their children. While extant research has yielded comparable findings on interconnected past, present and imagined futures in mothers’ narratives, challenging traditional normative and largely westernised interpretations of good mothering (Gillies, 2008; Schmidt et al 2023), the 3

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

breadth and depth of biographical research presented in this book, which yields cross-​national insights into women’s experiences and illuminates the layeredness of ‘appearance versus reality’, are highly significant, yielding novel conceptual and methodological avenues to explore mothers’ roles in shaping their own realities and identities. The impact of societal assumptions on mothering through the biographical experiences of mothers in contemporary societies also differs significantly in regions such as western and eastern Europe, North America and west Asia (Iran) as described in Chapters 2, 4, 6 and 7. Some scholars of mothering identities argue that discourses relating to ‘good’ and ‘bad’ mothering and societal expectations about mothers’ roles are more powerful than either marital status or occupational status in shaping and regulating everyday mothering practices (Rogers and White, 1998). Significantly, the meanings of mothering also vary markedly for women of colour, with differing racial and cultural perceptions with regard to the roles of extended family ties and loyalties in specific places and communities (Yosso, 2005; Lareau, 2011). However, mothering is always an individual and intimate personal lived experience (Arendell, 2000; Nurse 2020), which encompasses continual self-​reflections on their own roles as mothers as part of their own experience of mothering and compared with their own mothers or role models of mothers (for example, national, cultural and individual discourses of mothering). Biographical approaches enable us to ‘go deep’ into the complexity of women’s decisions, planning and concerns, and the seemingly ordinary and routine ups and downs that characterise contemporary experiences of motherhood, as evident in critical, reflective narratives of mothers in relation to changing and formative biographical events across their lives (Bradley and Millar, 2021). The incorporation of western and non-​western interpretations of mothering and mothers’ experiences in this book (Chapter 3 and Lukalo, 2021) is extremely significant for advancing state-​of-​the-​art research. Furthermore, the inclusion of biographical accounts of non-​biological mothers and those who do not consider motherhood as a prime life choice for a variety of professional and/​or personal reasons (Chapter 10) renders this book very timely. Mothering as practice and process The importance of recognising nuances of mothering styles is evident in extant research (Mann, 1998; Reay, 2005; May, 2010). However, some literature tends to theoretical approaches that frequently depict middle-​and working class women’s cultures and mothering styles (for example, Hays, 1996; Ennis 2014), and experiences of lone mothers. However, the distinct cultures of mothering that are situational, nuanced and emerge in response 4

Introduction

to complex economic and social factors require further explication, as mothering and experiences of motherhood resist generalization. To further reflect this, the book incorporates biographical narratives of mothers from a wide variety of socially and economically disadvantaged groups (for example, low income, unemployed, ethnic minority, disabled women) from various cultural and geographical contexts (for example, Canada, Czechia, Ireland, the UK), and illuminates the predominance of neoliberal structural factors that regularly promote societal narratives of adversity for women parenting children with Down syndrome in Australia (Chapter 8). This further underlines the significance of interlinking structural and complex personal experiences that are embedded within, and dynamically shape, the kaleidoscopic nature of narratives (Wengraf, 2001; Moran et al 2021). Such narratives includes, for example, everyday conversations on how mothers themselves conceptualise mothering and motherhood, as well as areas of confluence and convergence with societal understandings of motherhood and ‘good’ mothering in their discourses (Pollmann-​Schult, 2016) and mothering as a practice and process that is both culturally grounded and temporally bound. Extant qualitative and ethnographic research on mothering in socio-​ economically adverse circumstances (for example, Reid and Herbert, 2005) illuminates how mothers in poverty are regularly positioned as ‘flawed consumers’ and ‘welfare bums’, thus showing the significance of governmental frameworks and neoliberal ‘un-​freedoms’ in understanding mothering under economically challenging circumstances. Recently, Cooper (2021) compared parenting behaviours of low-​, middle-​and high-​income mothers using data from the UK Millennium Cohort Study (Centre for Longitudinal Studies University College London, nd), and found positive differences between low-​income mothers and middle-​income mothers with regard to mothering behaviours. Comparably, Gillies (2005) demonstrated that various forms of capital (and perceptions about access to capital) (for example, emotional, economic, social and cultural capital) shape societal perceptions of middle-​and working-​class mothers, the latter of whom are frequently portrayed as being in deficit in comparison to the former ( ‘the haves’ vs the ‘have nots’). Gillies (2005) showed that working-​class parents did not expect special treatment for their children from teachers but lacked access to social and cultural capital, which culminated in vastly different imagined visions for their children’s future lives. Furthermore, internationally, studies have highlighted that working-​class mothers frequently envisage better lives and better educational experiences for their own children than they themselves had, despite significant material disadvantages (Daly and Kelly, 2015). Commensurate with recent research, contributions to this book show that, regardless of economic circumstances, mothers try to realise new and better futures for their children (Chapter 5). Significantly, in this book, we further contextualise mothers’ narratives within interplays 5

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

of neoliberal discourses that largely prioritise economic considerations, and recreate notions of mothering as cultivating economically able, socially productive human beings (Chapter 8). We thereby illuminate chasms between neoliberal policies and mothers’ everyday lived experiences, exposing the lack of constancy between socially constructed assumptions and expectations of mothering in diverse contexts and cultures, versus everyday, real-​life relationships and experiences. An exceptionally important aspect of this book is that we focus distinctly on mothering under diverse circumstances, highlighting how social mores and stereotypes frequently pervade mothering practices among women whose children have special educational needs or Down syndrome, and mothers with physical impairments. The book further engages with cultural mores and stereotypes that regulate mothering practices in western and eastern Europe, Australia, Canada, west Asia and Africa, illuminating how relationships between state bureaucracy, legal systems, values and religious beliefs pervade mothering practices and societal attitudes towards mothering in the present day. Significantly, the emphasis on everyday mothering practices, as revealed through a diversity of biographical methods in this book, shatters static stereotypes and categorisations often used to describe motherhood from societal points of view, including that women who mother under economically disadvantaged circumstances are in deficit (Hutton, 2016). Instead, this book presents the unique voices and concerns of mothers globally, empowered by the creative application of biographical research methods across cultural contexts. From these perspectives, there are no normal or standardised formulae of mothering; rather, the experiences of mothering revealed here are multifaceted and everyday ‘ordinary’ mothering practices are layered, contested and multidimensional.

Mothering identities and processes of self-​identification As per extant research, women’s identities as mothers are deeply rooted in cultural, religious practices and families’ heritage (Broekhuizen et al, 2019; Nurse et al, 2022). In this book, we give emphasis to the concept of identity, and develop a critical understanding of transformations to mothers’ identities in European (Poland, Czechia, Germany, Ireland, Switzerland, UK), Middle Eastern (Iran), North American (Canada) and African (Kenya) contexts. The identity of the Polish mother (Chapter 1) and self-​identification are discussed in relation to socially constructed labels (for example, typified roles) and self-​reflections by mothers themselves on who they are as mothers and the meanings of mothering. An important area of women’s identification is the social role accorded to mothers (and socially constructed expectations about what this role entails), which sometimes delimits women’s identity to one dimension, motherhood. Society frequently confronts women with 6

Introduction

visions of ideal motherhood and the model of a ‘good mother’, with resulting expectations that influence mothering practices in everyday life. The aim of this chapter is to reconstruct the process of shaping identities of Polish mothers in the context of social relationships, especially with significant others. Personal experiences of being a mother show how women understand their social roles and determine how they manifest notions of motherhood in their everyday lives; frequently being overloaded with duties, sacrificing themselves for others, being convinced of their irreplaceable competences, and acting as family life managers. Societal expectations of the role of mothers are high in all societies, but what does it mean to live up to these expectations in highly marginalised contexts with regard to ethnic minority, low income and/​or in disadvantaged neighbourhoods? Identities of mothers are interwoven into their multiple roles, and are often caught between their individual identities and collective identities; sense of belonging and their parental duties. The life narratives of Czech Roma mothers presented in Chapter 4 reveal the complex patterns of motherhood in their families of origin –​how they became mothers, what it means to be a mother –​which shape their own daughters’ socialisation and assumptions that they will also be mothers one day. The forms of motherhood intertwined in their biographical narratives are often in line with more traditional family role models, but at other times represent Roma women’s complicated efforts to become emancipated from the wider family circle, poverty and social marginalisation. Their narratives present the symptomatic struggle between traditional expectations and changing societal conditions. Drawing on biographical interviews with older Muslim women living in Tehran and Karaj, Chapter 2 shows how Iranian women negotiate and mediate gender power through their bodies, as well as the specific ways that they interpret dominant cultural symbolism as they construct their gendered biographies and identities as wives and mothers. This, together with their consideration of what constitutes ’a good girl’ significantly expands our understanding of the concepts of femininity and masculinity, and of gender relations between men and women and mothering processes in Iran. This chapter further contributes to the methodological literature by serving as an important example of the advantages of using biographical methods for understanding sensitive and hidden areas of social life in a culture where silence and sexual purity are highly valued, and where mothers’ stories are frequently marginalised from public domains. The complexity of mothers’ identities goes beyond their marital or socio-​ economic status or race. The chapters in the book demonstrate the dangers of stereotyping and stigmatising mothers based on their social, ethnic or cultural positions. This is exemplified in the biographical narratives of two mothers with very different backgrounds and life experiences who reside in a disadvantaged, culturally diverse area in England. Chapter 5 describes 7

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

mothers’ life skills in navigating through the challenges of a disadvantaged neighbourhood while prioritising their children’s needs. Significantly, this chapter reveals the multiple hard choices that mothers are faced with under these circumstances, while mothering children of mixed-​heritage and mixed-​culture backgrounds. Despite prevailing societal assumptions, which often denigrate parenting in adversity (Golden et al, 2018; Cooper, 2021), children’s needs are at the centre of these mothers’ everyday life choices. Mothers’ responses to difficult, often unprecedented, situations demonstrate the flexibility and multidimensionality of their identities. The remarkable life story of the mother from Kenya as revealed in Chapter 3 explains how the meaning of mothering is constructed, shifts and is experienced. The life-​ history method facilitates this mapping of co-​existing and competing frames, in mothers’ everyday life tapestries. In this chapter, African feminist theory offers a fruitful conceptual avenue for articulation of multiple perspectives within which to map and explore the relational worlds of mothering. These findings on the shifting spaces for mothering are important for the development of African feminist theory given the uncertainties that mothers continue to face while offering distinct insight into mothers’ everyday lives and imagined futures.

The complexity of non-​normative mothering cultures in global contexts The complexity of non-​normative mothering is another significant fulcrum of this book. Research emphasis on mothering in economically and socially diverse circumstances and the everyday lives of so-​called seldom-​heard and/​or hard-​to-​reach groups is a keynote of this work. Research contributions from Switzerland (Chapter 9), Australia (Chapter 8), Iran (Chapter 2), Czechia (Chapter 4) and Canada (Chapter 7) further exemplify this. Significantly, Reimer’s work (Chapter 9) asks critical questions about the meaning of mothering in relation to fostering. While foster carers play pivotal roles in enabling children to rebuild their lives after significant (negative) life events such as abuse, neglect and/​or parental relationship breakdown or death (Rock et al, 2018; Cross et al, 2022), foster parents are not always seen as real parents and/​or real mothers by children or society alike, and, significantly, do not always see themselves as mothers either. Nevertheless, many female foster carers consider themselves as real mothers to their foster children, as per Reimer’s work in Germany and Switzerland, where most foster placements are permanent placements. Biographical interviews about placements and foster mothers’ experiences of the breakdown of foster care relationships demonstrate how these experiences unsettle their identities as mothers, affecting their relationships with children and their understandings of self. Significantly, foster mothers have traditionally been overlooked 8

Introduction

in contemporary literature (Moran et al, 2019). The incorporation of biographical interview materials that dig deep into their life worlds is extremely significant for advancing extant research on foster care relationships and breakdowns as lived experiences. Neoliberal discourses shape contemporary expectations of motherhood globally, and the multidisciplinary research described in Chapter 8, which embraces social and medical insights from Australia, exemplifies this. Despite increasing participation in the paid labour market, Australian mothers adhere to intensive parenting norms and maintain primary responsibility for the planning and provision of their children’s care. This finding echoes similar points made in other international research contributions. The chapter focuses on the under-​researched area of mothers’ lived experiences of caring for a child with Down syndrome. The data are from a mixed-​method study entitled ‘Sleep Difficulties in Children with Down Syndrome: An Evaluation of Parent/​Carer and Family Quality of Life’, with mothers focusing on Down syndrome diagnosis, sleep patterns, wellbeing, family dynamics and access to support. Applying a sociological lens, the authors consider how mothers’ decisions, identities and roles are shaped by (intersecting) medical institutions, spiritual beliefs and social policies. Since the moment of Down syndrome diagnosis, the mothers in their study reported negative and discriminatory judgements and varying degrees and forms of prejudice from family, friends, medical professionals and broader communities. Motherhood in contemporary Australia is characterised by contradictory and inflated expectations to maintain intensive parenting practices among other commitments, including paid employment. The tensions and judgements that Australian mothers face are amplified for mothers of children with Down syndrome, as their decision to keep and raise their child subverts neoliberal expectations of raising healthy and productive citizens. As a normative construct, ‘ideal’ motherhood serves to hold women responsible for everything that befalls their children, and thus serves to individualise and privatise the work of childbearing and child-​rearing (Meeussen and Van Laar, 2018). The attribution of responsibility and labour to individual women, the shortcomings of social and structural support for women’s mothering work, and the sanctions that befall women who struggle and/​or fail to meet these normative expectations are challenges for all mothers, but they are particularly intensified for disabled mothers. In Chapter 7, Malacrida gives voice to disabled Canadian women to expose normative expectations of what kinds of women can, and perhaps should, be mothers. The women’s narratives about their pregnancy decisions and their mothering practices further illustrates the challenges disabled women face in attaining these normative ideals.

9

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Mothering and non-​mothering, individualism and life choices The themes of individualism, ‘biography making’ and choices (Zinn, 2010) are explored in depth in subsequent chapters, in line with recent developments and innovations in research on parenting, mothering and non-​ mothering (see, for example, Huang, 2019; Cronin, 2020). Contemporary society is characterised by growing diversity in family formations, including blended families and lone-​parent families (Allan et al 2011 , which further influences societal views of ideal mothering and ideal parenting. Lone parents are sometimes portrayed as a homogenous group (Salter, 2018); however, this family form is highly varied and there is a dearth of biographical research on the lives and perspectives of lone mothers in Europe and internationally. Chapter 6 addresses the research gap with regard to existing knowledge about lone mothers who are separated or divorced. Utilising biographical narrative interviews, this study explores the experiences of 15 Irish mothers with primary school-​aged children using a voice-​centred relational method of analysis, and discusses how Irish social policy and service provision respond to their needs. Underpinned by a feminist approach, this research amplifies the voices of these mothers, exposing experiences of intimidation, constraint, choice, uncertainty and responsibility. The research concludes that the needs of mothers who have experienced a legal separation or divorce are not being met by statutory service provisions, highlighting significant historical failures in Irish policy responses. Moreover, the almost complete exclusion of lone mothers from policy forums internationally is suggestive of the need for more qualitative research on their everyday lives, a gap that this chapter attempts to fill. Despite the societal elevation of women’s rights in contemporary policy and society, religious beliefs and institutions continue to influence mothering practices and women’s decisions about motherhood in contemporary society. Chapter 10 explores the experiences of Irish women who are childless by choice, to gain a greater understanding of the factors and social contexts that influence and shape women’s childbearing decision-​making. In Ireland, motherhood has been used as a powerful symbol in religious, political, social and cultural life, and the Catholic church and the Irish state traditionally held strong views on women’s gender roles and on sexuality and reproduction. Drawing on interviews with voluntarily childless Irish women, theories of individualisation and reflexivity, stigma and stigma management are applied as conceptual tools for understanding the nature of decision-​making processes, societal and family reactions to decisions about motherhood and the strategies that women adopt to negotiate stigmatised identities and preserve a positive sense of self. This study draws on the narrative accounts and lived experiences of a small cohort of voluntarily childless women to determine how they negotiate positive feminine identities in ways that are separate and distinct 10

Introduction

from women’s identities as mothers. Significantly, this chapter focuses on hearing the women’s voices, telling their stories, in their own words, in the context of their everyday subjective realities. As the chapters in this book show, the richness, depth and scope of biographical interviewing, analyses and interpretation techniques for understanding women’s lived experiences, the complexities of relationships with intimate partners, work colleagues, children and extended families are multifarious and are highly significant for academic audiences and policy​ makers. The Conclusion of the book subsequently engages with questions about transdisciplinary and interdisciplinary research on mothering and motherhood, outlining new and potentially ground-​breaking agendas to guide the future direction of biographical research on mothering and motherhood specifically, while also demonstrating how novel biographical methods and technological innovations extend the scope of existing research into mothers’ lives and family dynamics. Overall, the creative synergies of biographical research approaches are accentuated throughout this book, whereby biographical methods are interpreted as prisms that refract the beauty, depth and conceptual richness of women’s narratives about caring and coping as mothers in increasingly risky, individualised and uncertain times.

Biographical approaches to mothering and research on mothers’ lives Biographical research is defined as social creation/​construction, which ‘constitutes both social reality and the subjects’ worlds of knowledge and experience, which is constantly affirmed and transformed within the dialectical relationship between life history, knowledge and experiences and patterns presented by society’ (Fischer-​Rosenthal and Rosenthal, 1997, p 138). This is particularly, but not exclusively, visible in participants’ everyday narratives that encompass life ruptures, narrative ‘turning points’ (Pinkerton and Rooney, 2014) and emotions. While extant qualitative research using methods including in-​depth interviews and ethnography reveals much on how narratives of successful and failed mothering are socially constructed (Phoenix et al, 1991), related to power relations, status and normative views of family life, biographic narrative approaches ‘go deep’ into the complexities of so-​called ordinary or seemingly mundane events in mothers’ everyday lives, highlighting their significance for obtaining data on intimate personal relationships and interactions with children and extended family, which are highly salient to theoretical and empirical discussions on the meaning of mothering (Bradley and Millar, 2021). Hence the notion of mothering in this book is approached from a biographical research perspective, which offers distinctively self-​reflective narratives on mothering and on the process of being a mother and carer. 11

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

The importance of the biographical research method and associated procedures in underpinning the biographical meaning of mothering requires detailed attention to the qualitative methods used by the authors. The interview is a core element of the biographical method. Its conceptualisation, structure, timing, place, recruitment and considerable ethical considerations take significant time to conceive and implement. A well-​constructed interview is also the basis of robust analytical processes and interpretation (Roberts 2002; Miller 2005; Merrill and West 2009). However, each new study requires constant re-​assessment of the existing approaches, adjustment and ‘localisation’ of the interviewing methods. Creative application of the biographical interviewing method is an essential characteristic of the biographical research approach (Nurse and O’Neill, 2018; O’Neill and Roberts, 2020). The COVID-19 pandemic is a prime example of a recent social context during which means of conducting biographical interviews were significantly reconsidered and modified in relation to social distancing, whereby ethical concerns for participants who were more geographically distant than before assumed major importance; chiefly in relation to building rapport and trust in online settings (Lobe et al, 2020; Lupton, 2020; Moran and Caetano, 2021). The interviews with mothers and non-​mothers on mothering, as presented in this book, follow the traditions of interviewing in biographical and narrative qualitative studies. The biographical lifecourse interview is the foundation of the method, and is still the most frequently used form of biographical interviewing. Life narratives that are focused on any single topic, facilitated solely by narrative prompts, place emphasis on transitions and the dynamic complexity of the individual’s life, and enabling participants to narrate their own unique stories (Roberts, 2002; Rosenthal, 2004; O’Neill, 2010). Despite the seeming rigidity of the interview form, it opens a wide range of analytical possibilities, including experimental multidisciplinary approaches (see Chapter 8). In the case of people who are symbolically and/​ or socially marginalised, the lifecourse interview method may have strong emancipatory effects, as it gives voice and a sense of value and recognition to those who tell the story, sometimes for the first time in their lives (Peta et al 2019). However, this also brings ethical constraints and questions into much sharper focus, in that researchers must be cautious to maintain the integrity and dignity of the research participant and their social surroundings, while also ensuring self-​care for their own wellbeing as researchers. The concluding chapter of this book reflects on the advances that it makes in terms of future research on mothering and to define future directions and agendas for mothering research. The expansion of interdisciplinary research and the potential for greater transdisciplinary research for fruitful theoretical and methodological engagements on everyday mothering practices are also explored in greater depth in the book’s concluding chapter. 12

Introduction

Further reading Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4): 1192–​1207. Chamberlayne, P., Bornat, J. and Apitzsch, U. (2004) Biographical Methods and Professional Practice: An International Perspective, Bristol: Policy Press. References Amini, E. and McCormack, M. (2021) ‘Older Iranian Muslim women’s experiences of sex and sexuality: a biographical approach’, British Journal of Sociology, 72(2): 300–​314. Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4): 1192–​1207. Bailey, L. (2022) ‘Constructions of good mothering during lockdown learning’, Gender and Education, 6: 674–​689. Bradley, C. and Millar, M. (2021) ‘Persistent stigma despite social change: experiences of stigma amongst single women who were pregnant or mothers in the Republic of Ireland, 1996–​2010’, Families, Relationships and Societies, 10(3): 413–​429. Broekhuizen, M., Wolf, K., Francot, R., Moser, T., Pastori, G., Nurse, L. et al. (eds) (2019) ‘Resources, experiences, and support needs of families in disadvantaged communities: integrative report D2.5. ISOTIS research report’, ISOTIS, [online] 27 November, Available from: https://www. isotis.org/en/publications/resources-experiences-and-support-needs-offamilies-in-disadvantaged-communities/​[Accessed 17 March 2020]. Caetano, A. (2019) ‘Designing social action: the impact of reflexivity on practice’, Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour, 49(2): 146–​160. Centre for Longitudinal Studies University College London (nd) ‘Millennium cohort study’, [online], available from https://cls.ucl.ac.uk/ cls-studies/millenniumcohort-study/ [Accessed 17 March 2023]. Chamberlayne, P., Rustin, M. and Wengraf, T. (2002) Biography and Social Exclusion in Europe, Bristol: Policy Press. Chib, A., Malik, S., Aricat, R. and Kadir, S. (2014) ‘Migrant mothering and mobile phones: negotiations of transnational identities’, Mobile Media & Communication, 2(1): 73–​93. Christopher, K. (2012) ‘Extensive mothering: employed mothers’ constructions of the good mother’, Gender and Society, 26(1): 73–​96. Cooper, K. (2021) ‘Are poor parents poor parents? The relationship between poverty and parenting among mothers in the UK’, Sociology, 55(2): 349–​383. Cronin, J. (2020) Voluntary Childlessness in Contemporary Ireland, Oxford: Peter Lang. Cross, S., Bywaters, P., Brown, P. and Featherstone, B. (2022) ‘Housing, homelessness and children’s social care: towards an urgent research agenda’, British Journal of Social Work, 52(4): 1988–​2007. 13

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Cummins, M. and Brannon, G. (2022) ‘Mothering in a pandemic: navigating care work, intensive motherhood and COVID19’, Gender Issues, 39(2): 123–​141. Daly, M. and Kelly, G. (2015) Families and Poverty: Everyday Life on a Low Income, Bristol: Policy Press. Doyle, N. (2018) Maternal Bodies: Redefining Motherhood in Early America, Chapel Hill, NC: UNC Press. Ennis, L.R. (2014) Intensive Mothering: The Cultural Contradictions of Modern Motherhood, Bradford, ON: Demeter Press. Fischer-​Rosenthal, W. and Rosenthal, G. (1997) ‘Narrationsanalyse biographischer Selbstpräsentation’, in R. Hitzler and A. Honner (eds) Sozialwissenschaftliche Hermeneutik, Wiesbaden: VS Verschlag für Sozialwissenschaften, pp 133–​165. Gajek, K. and Marchlik, P. (2021) ‘Polish low-​income mothers: conversion of human, social and cultural capitals through their lifetime’, Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 494–​508. Gilbert, E., Denson, N. and Weidemann, G. (2022) ‘Negotiating co-​existing subjectivities: the new maternal self in the academy’, Gender and Education, 34(7): 869–​885. Gillies, V. (2005) ‘Raising the ‘meritocracy’: parenting and the individualization of social class’, Sociology, 39(5): 835–​853. Gillies, V. (2008) ‘Childrearing, class and the new politics of childrearing’, Sociology Compass, 2(3): 1079–​1095. Golden, D., Erdreich, L. and Roberson, S. (2018) Mothering, Education and Culture, London: Palgrave. Green, L. (2016) Understanding the Lifecourse, Cambridge, UK: Polity Press. Haynes, A. (2013) ‘Threatened identities: the mothering experiences of asylum-​seeking and refugee women in England’, unpublished PhD thesis, University of East Anglia, UK. Hays, S. (1996) The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Huang, S.Y. (2019) Being a Mother in a Strange Land: Motherhood Experiences of Chinese Migrant Women in the Netherlands, Newcastle-u ​ pon-T ​ yne: Cambridge Scholars Publishing. Hutton, M. (2016) ‘Neither passive nor powerless: reframing economic vulnera­ bility via resilient pathways’, Journal of Marketing Management, 32(3/​4): 252–​274. Lareau, A. (2011) Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race and Family Life, Berkeley, CA: University of California Press. Lee, E., Bristow, J., Faircloth, C. and Macvarish, J. (eds) (2014) Parenting Cultures Studies, Basingstoke, UK: Palgrave Macmillan. Lobe, B., Morgan, D. and Hoffman. K. (2020) ‘Qualitative data collection in an era of social distancing’, International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 19: 1–​8. Lukalo, F. (2021) Mothers and Schooling: Poverty, Gender and Educational Decision-​Making in Rural Kenya, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. 14

Introduction

Lupton, D. (ed) (2020) ‘Doing fieldwork in a pandemic (crowdsourced document initiated and edited by Deborah Lupton in 2020; revised by Deborah Lupton 5 July 2021)’, [online], available from https://​docs.goo​ gle.com/​docume​ nt/d​ /1​ clGjGABB2h2qbduT​gfqr​ibHm​og9B​6P0N​vMgV​ uiHZ​Cl8/​edit# [Accessed 19 February 2020]. Mann, C. (1998) ‘The impact of working-​class mothers on the educational success of their adolescent daughters at a time of social change’, British Journal of Sociology of Education, 19(2): 211–​226. May, V. (2010) ‘Lone motherhood as a category of practice’, The Sociological Review, 58(3): 429–​443. Meeussen, L. and Van Laar, C. (2018) ‘Feeling pressure to be a perfect mother relates to parental burnout and career ambitions’, Frontiers in Psychology, 9: 2113. Merrill, B. and West, L. (2009) Using Biographical Methods in Social Research, London: Sage Publications. Michalsen, V. (2011) ‘Mothering as a life course transition: do women go straight for their children?’, Journal of Offender Rehabilitation, 50(6): 349–​366. Miller, R.L. (2005) Biographical Research Methods, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Molgora, S. and Accordini, M. (2020) ‘Motherhood in the time of coronavirus: the impact of the pandemic emergency on expectant and postpartum women’s psychological wellbeing’, Frontiers in Psychology, 11: 567155. Moran, L. and Caetano, A. (2021) ‘Biographical research through the looking glass of social distancing: reflections on biographical interviewing and online technologies in pandemic times’, Irish Journal of Sociology, 30(2): 209–​213. Moran, L., Green, L. and Warwick, L. (2021) ‘Exploring ethical dimensions associated with ‘pushing for PINs’ and probing: a critical commentary on key features of the biographical narrative interpretive method (BNIM) with ‘vulnerable’ and other populations’, International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 21: 1–​12. Moran, L., McGregor, C. and Devaney, C. (2019) ‘Exploring the multi-​ dimensionality of permanence and stability: emotions, experiences and temporality in young people’s discourses about long-​term foster care in Ireland’, Qualitative Social Work, 19(5/​6): 1111–​1129. Muller, V. (2008) Good and bad mothering: Lionel Shriver’s ‘we need to talk about Kevin’, in J. Kelso and M. Porter (eds) Theorising and Representing Maternal Realities, Newcastle-​upon-​Tyne: Cambridge Scholars Publishing, pp 38–​53. Nurse, L. (2020) ‘Construction of schooling time as part of mothers’ identities’, in E. Schilling and M. O’Neill (eds) Einführung in die interdisziplinäre Zeitforschung –​Frontiers in Time Research, Berlin: Springer, pp 287–​307. 15

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Nurse, L. and Melhuish, E. (2018) ‘Parent in-​depth interview study. Technical report.’ ISOTIS research report, ISOTIS, [online] 31 October, available from https://www.isotis.org/en/publications/parent-in-depthinterview-study-technical-report/ ​[Accessed 11 March 2021]. Nurse, L. and Melhuish, E. (2021) ‘Comparative perspectives on educational inequalities in Europe: an overview of the old and emergent inequalities from a bottom-​up perspective’, Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 417–​431. Nurse, L. and O’Neill, M. (2018) ‘Biographical research in the UK: profiles and perspectives’, in H. Lutz, M. Schiebel and E. Tuder (eds) Handbuch Biographieforschung, Wiesbaden: Springer, pp 709–​720. Nurse, L., Sidiropulu-​Janků, K., Obrovska, J., Gajek, K. and Mbiatong, J. (2022) ‘Methodological approach and empirical evidence on the place of religious and non-​religious values and beliefs in identities of mothers of early childhood education and care children’, in A. Kuusisto (ed) The Routledge International Handbook of the Place of Religion in Early Childhood Education, Abingdon, UK: Routledge, pp 194–​212. Obrovská, J. and Sidiropulu-​Janků, K. (2021) ’Resilience capacity and supportive factors of compulsory education in ethnic minority families: mixed methods study of Czech Roma mothers’, Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 448–​463. O’Neill, M. (2010) Asylum, Migration and Community, Bristol: Policy Press. O’Neill, M. and Roberts, B. (2020) Walking Methods: Research on the Move, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. O’Reilly, A. (2010) Twenty-​First Century Motherhood: Experience, Identity, Policy, Agency, New York: Columbia University Press. O’Reilly, A. and Green, F. (eds) (2021) Mothers, Mothering and COVID-​ 19: Dispatches from the Pandemic, Bradford, ON: Demeter Press. Peta, C., Wengraf, T. and McKenzie, J. (2019) ‘Facilitating the voice of disabled women: the biographic narrative interpretive method’, Contemporary Social Science, 14(3/​4): 515–​527. Phoenix, A., Woollett, A. and Lloyd, E. (eds) (1991) Motherhood: Meanings, Practices and Ideologies, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Pinkerton, J. and Rooney, C. (2014) ‘Care leavers’ experiences of transition and turning points: evidence from a biographical narrative study’, Social Work and Society, 12(1): 1–​12. Pollmann-​Schult, M. (2016) ‘What mothers want: the impact of structural and cultural factors on mothers’ preferred working hours in western Europe’, Advances in Life Course Research, 29: 16–​25. Reay, D. (2005) ‘Doing the dirty work of social class? Mothers’ work in support of their children’s schooling’, Sociological Review, 53(suppl 2): 104–​115. Reid, C. and Herbert, C. (2005) ‘Welfare moms and welfare bums: revisiting poverty as a social determinant of health’, Health Sociology Review, 14(2): 161–​173. 16

Introduction

Roberts, B. (2002) Biographical Research, Buckingham, PA: Open University Press. Rock, S., Michelson, D., Thomson S., et al (2018) ‘Understanding foster placement instability for looked-​after children: a systematic review and narrative synthesis of quantitative and qualitative evidence’, British Journal of Social Work, 45(1): 177–​203. Rogers, S.J. and White, L. (1998) ‘Satisfaction with parenting: the role of marital happiness, family structure, and parents’ gender’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(2): 293–​308. DOI:10.2307/​353849. Rosenthal, G. (2004) ‘Biographical research’, in C. Seale, G. Gobo, J.F. Gubrium and D. Silverman (eds) Qualitative Research Practice, London: Sage Publications, pp 48–​64. Salter, E. (2018) ‘A media discourse analysis of lone parents in the UK: investigating the stereotype’ in L. Bernardi and D. Mortelmans (eds) Lone Parenthood in the Life Course, Cham: Springer, pp 55–​74. Schmidt, E., Décieux, F., Zartler, U. and Schnor, C. (2023) ‘What makes a good mother? Two decades of research reflecting social norms of motherhood’, Journal of Family Theory and Review, 15(1): 57–​77. Smith-​Silva, D. (2014) ‘Representing and transforming Latina/​Chicana mothering’ in A. O’Reilly (ed), Mothers, Mothering and Motherhood across Cultural Differences: A Reader, Ontario, Canada: Demeter Press, pp 229–​254. Smyth, L. (2012) The Demands of Motherhood: Agents, Roles and Recognitions, Basingstoke, UK: Palgrave. Wengraf, T. (2001) Qualitative Research Interviewing, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Yoo, J. (2020) ‘An autoethnography of mothering in the academy’, The Qualitative Report, 25(8): 3173–​3184. Yosso, T. (2005) ‘Whose culture has capital? A critical race theory discussion of community cultural wealth’, Race, Ethnicity and Education, 8(1): 69–​91. Zinn, J.O. (2010) ‘Biography, risk and uncertainty: is there common ground for biographical research and risk research?’, Forum: Qualitative Social Research, 11(1): 15.

17

1

Becoming and being a Polish mother: narratives on the motherhood experience Katarzyna Gajek

Introduction Becoming a mother requires that women experiencing motherhood reconstruct their identity and rebuild the concept of oneself, as well as building a set of ideas, beliefs and self-​judgements. The points of reference for interpreting situations and developing meanings of mothering are the existing social patterns, established norms and social expectations of the role of a mother. Women evaluate and prioritise their participation in various areas of social life (family, profession and social terms), and create motherhood practices and strategies for performing the role that evolve during the stages of motherhood. Recognising, defining and interpreting one’s role as a mother is connected with assessment of oneself in the role in reference to the definitions of other people who may acknowledge or question the woman’s competences. Therefore, identity becomes a configuration of a person’s self-​identification in the context of their social interactions (Hałas, 2006). In the Polish linguistic picture of the world, ‘mother’ is one of the key existential categories, like home, family, land and nation, and occupies a high position in the axiological system that results from family, religion and national traditions (Bartmiński, 2012). Family and the roles it involves constitute a significant area of identification, although men and women differ in this respect. Women attach much greater significance to the role of a parent than men do; children and marriage change their self-​identification, and being a mother and a wife is put before being a person and a woman. Particularly for women with a lower education level and those living in small towns, traditional roles seem natural and without an alternative (Titkow, 2007). Motherhood is also valued by society, such that a woman who takes on the role of a mother and fulfils it well improves her status in the family and the local community (Maciarz, 2004). Both public and scientific discourses disseminate the motherhood models that are socially legitimised and exist in a given culture, standardising the process of becoming and being a mother. The two opposite positions 18

Becoming and being a Polish mother

between which variants emerge may be termed conservative and liberal discourses. These differences between the opposing ways of understanding reality include, among others, assumptions regarding the role of a mother (obligation vs choice), the normative of the role (standards and patterns of behaviour that generate social expectations of the model of a good mother vs interpretation and negotiation of behaviour), social control (social sanctions vs acceptance of different motherhood practices), the area of women’s self-​ fulfilment (private vs public arena) and the purpose of actions (the interests of the family and the child vs one’s own interests). The tension created between the conservative discourse and the liberal discourse allows us to deconstruct motherhood understood as a social institution (Rich, 2021), the aim of which is to control and maintain social order. Interpretation of the existing ways of behaviour or rules of conduct shared in the processes of socialisation and education allows mothers to attach significance to situations and to reflexively incorporate selected practices into their personal experience of motherhood, and, based on this, to create the identity of a woman/​mother.

The ideal of the Polish Mother: the archetype of Polish womanhood For two centuries, the ideal of womanhood in Polish culture was the figure of the ‘Polish Mother’. Its significance was based upon a few inter-​related planes: political, literary, religious and social. The myth of the Polish Mother was born after Poland lost independence in 1795 (Kowalczyk, 2003), and was erased from the map by three partitions.1 As a result of the political situation, women were faced with new tasks, making them responsible not only for the wellbeing of their families, but also for saving the national identity, culture and language. Motherhood became a political issue; the duty of Polish mothers was to give birth to children, mostly sons, and to raise them in the spirit of tradition and love of freedom and patriotic values to become liberators of the Motherland (Budrowska, 2000). Thus, the traditional role of a mother was extended to include a public dimension connected with heroism, commanding respect and social recognition. The motif of the Polish Mother present in Romantic art and literature (for example, in Adam Mickiewicz’s poem ‘To a Polish Mother’ of 1830) popularised a model of a woman who prepares her son for the fight for freedom that is bound to fail; however, in the name of love for the Motherland, she accepts her inevitable tragic fate, and is even ready for the greatest sacrifice and the suffering it causes (Kowalczyk, 2003). The sacrifice of suffering after the loss of a loved one offered by a mother to her nation, and her son dying a martyr, evoke religious associations and references to the Catholic veneration of Mary. The role model of the Polish Mother thus became the lay equivalent of the Mother of God (Chołuj, 1992), enhancing the social significance of the role 19

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

of a mother, indicating the way it should be performed, and sanctioning the characteristics making up the ideal of a woman/​mother, while at the same time reducing a woman’s identity to motherhood. Understood in this way, motherhood involves fidelity, submissiveness, sacrifice, resignation from one’s aspirations in the name of the greater good, and acceptance of suffering. This served as a basis for the social ideal of a woman, determining her duties and rules of behaviour. In the Polish consciousness, a mother became a symbol of moral virtues and a role model. Her characteristics include unconditional love for her children and family, protectiveness, understanding and sacrifice. She is caring, good, devoted, tender, helpful, and able to endure any hardships (Titkow, 1995; Bartmiński, 2012, which makes her irreplaceable in the child’s life and for the functioning of the family (Douglas and Michaels, 2004). With time, the ideal of the Polish Mother lost its patriotic dimension, giving way to mundane activities performed in the service of family.

The ‘socialist’ Polish mother The socialist system reconstructed the myth of the Polish Mother and created an ideal of a woman/​citizen whose task was to prepare children for life in the context of a specific political ideology. The figure of a ‘gastronomic mother’ appeared (Walczewska, 1999), representing a mother who, in the face of supply shortages, stood in long queues and put in a great deal of effort to obtain basic foodstuffs. Preparing food was an expression of care for the hearth and home. At the same time, mothers controlled and ritualised meals. Through a lot of time and effort, they consolidated their power within the ‘household matriarchy’ (Walczewska, 1999), believing they could do everything better and were irreplaceable in the family. This apparent power only manifested itself in the household, and was reflected in the saying ‘The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases’. Tired and overburdened with responsibilities, women sacrificed themselves for the good of their loved ones, and combined meeting the family’s basic needs with the need to work.

Gender socialisation conditions: the Polish context The changes that took place in Polish society affected the family life of Poles (Kotlarska-​Michalska, 2006), and, in consequence, the situation of women. These resulted from the social and cultural transformations in the second half of the 20th century, the processes of industrialisation and urbanisation, the economic crises of the 1980s, and the following two decades of systemic transformation. The different sociocultural, economic and political conditions required modifications to motherhood practices, 20

Becoming and being a Polish mother

coinciding with changes in morality, world views, attitudes, objectives and aspirations, and hence the identity of subsequent generations of Polish women. The model of a traditional patriarchal family has undergone some gradual changes in terms of its structure, social ties, understanding of roles, division of labour, and power. The emergence of consumer needs has brought about changes in the social hierarchy of sought-​after values; however, family life still occupies a high position and constitutes a space for the reproduction of moral values and the meeting of emotional, cultural and economic needs (Boguszewski, 2008), which limits women’s ability to undertake activity beyond the established canon of the patriarchal culture (Fuszara, 2002). The high social status of mothers is maintained by the ‘motherhood imperative’, according to which a fundamental element of women’s identity and their natural calling is biological reproduction and raising children (Budrowska, 2000), while being a mother is considered a developmental task (Bakiera and Szczerbal, 2018) and the essence of womanhood, offering positive experiences and a route to personal fulfilment (Beck and Beck-​Gernsheim, 2002). At the same time, the role of a mother is more and more frequently viewed from the perspective of exhausting and unpaid work (Titkow et al, 2004), the significance of normative social expectations of the role (Titkow, 2007), generating negative attitudes connected with motherhood (Donath, 2017) is emphasised, and the number of voluntarily childless women is steadily growing (Mynarska et al, 2014). Due to the number of their responsibilities and consequences for professional work (Kowalczuk, 2010), women have started to prefer a family model with fewer children, and the conflict between family and professional areas is growing. Every possible solution to this dilemma comes under criticism. If a woman decides to return to full-​time work after giving birth to a child, she becomes an ‘egoist’ who harms her child and family. Combining personal and professional dimensions of life evokes a feeling of guilt about neglecting each of these spheres, but when she devotes herself solely to running the house and taking care of children, she is accused of laziness and lack of ambition. The significance of the child, who seems to hold an autotelic value, grows (Doniec, 2001), while the family life focuses on ensuring the child proper conditions for development of the child, reflected by, among others, an intensive mothering model (Hays, 1996), as pursued in nuclear families who have no help from other groups (Bradley, 2013) due to weakening intergenerational ties and the growing number of public services, which relieve unemployed grandmothers of the obligation to regularly take care of their grandchildren. The role of a father is also transformed from a physically or emotionally absent figure to a competent, involved and loving carer (Arcimowicz, 2008). In the event of pregnancy, marriage is no longer a cultural duty, and children are no longer perceived as a factor guaranteeing stability in the 21

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

relationship (Ostrouch-​Kamińska, 2011). Personal and emotional ties are replaced by formal ties, with the absolute power and authority of the man in the family diminishing. Women’s professional activity has questioned the traditional division of responsibilities in terms of gender; however, despite the declared egalitarianism of family life, the model of a double burden for women prevails (Wysocka, 2010), and the numbers of everyday chores done by women and men in the household are grossly disproportionate (Titkow et al, 2004; Bradley, 2013).

Pluralism of motherhood experiences and models The political transformation that extended over various spheres of life questioned the previous social order and the standards of behaviour based on the existing rules and models of life. The changeability and uncertainty of reality shifted emphasis from the search for a sense of belonging to expression of personal identity. The public heard about motherhood experiences of various groups of women (such as teen mothers, older mothers, mothers with disabilities, single mothers, mothers in prison, addicted mothers, mothers of children with disabilities, and so on) that emphasised the uniqueness of their situation. The dynamically changing conditions shaped women’s personal experiences, forcing them to confront challenges and to look for optimum ways of acting and redefining their roles. At the same time, women re-​ evaluated the models of behaviour of their mothers that they had internalised during their own socialisation and upbringing. The social reality revealed competing, yet equal, models of motherhood arising from the multitude of ways that the role of a mother may be performed, depending on the woman’s social status, knowledge, competences, age, place of residence and religion. These models were created as a result of a clash between personal experiences and social expectations of the institution of motherhood. The ideal of the ‘Polish Mother’, still strongly rooted in the social consciousness, was reconstructed by the ‘managerial matriarchy’ (Titkow, 2007), which was characteristic of women’s activity during the socialist period. Women paid for their responsibility for the standard of living and functioning of the family with a lot of effort, but it brought them prestige, authority and acknowledgement of their competences. Consequently, the notion of the Polish Mother was redefined, and other types of women were distinguished: ‘assertive’, ‘bindweed’, ‘a strategist’, ‘forward’, ‘cunning’, ‘frustrated’ and ‘egocentric’ (Titkow, 2007). The ethos of the Polish Mother was mostly questioned by young, well-​educated and well-​off women living in large cities (Radziszewska, 2007). Women stopped devoting themselves to only children and family, and resigning from their interests, plans and ambitions. Work, instead of a necessity, became an area of self-​fulfilment and success. Women more and more frequently declared that they wanted 22

Becoming and being a Polish mother

to take part in both private and public spheres, reconciling raising children, running the house and professional work. This was how the preferred model of living became the ‘superwoman’ model (Hansen Shaevitz, 1984): a perfect mother, wife, housewife and employee. Women who found fulfilment in traditional private roles were no longer socially appreciated; they were associated with the outdated ideal of the Polish Mother as well as laziness and a lack of aspirations. It should also be noted that not all mothers were in a financial situation that enabled them to resign from work. Contemporary stay-​at-​home Polish mothers usually follow the model of intensive mothering (Hays, 1996), improving their skills in supporting children’s development, and investing their emotional and financial resources, time, work and energy in following recommendations from experts. Ideal motherhood has faced criticism from women whose experiences differed from the model. Their efforts to meet social expectations did not have the desired effect, and thus were accompanied by a feeling of guilt and social disapproval. The public discourse did not allow for undermining of the value of motherhood, which is why women/​mothers found their safe and anonymous haven on the internet. They described their experiences by deconstructing the ethos of a mother and motherhood stereotypes, thus popularising the model of ‘a good enough mother’ (Winnicott, 2012), and allowing themselves to be imperfect and to feel negative emotions. However, the occurrence of extreme suffering stemming from being a mother is still a taboo subject (Donath, 2017).

The current study Methods The data used in this paper come from 16 autobiographical narratives of Polish mothers.2 This study was conducted as part of the Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society (ISOTIS) project (www. iso​tis.org) that examined educational inequalities and social support for families with children. The respondents were recruited through institutions supporting families (a centre for family support and a youth centre, a local social services centre, homes for single mothers), operating in two large cities in Poland. All women taking part in the study had at least one child aged 3–​6 years or 9–​12 years, while the number of children varied between one and eight. The women interviewed were aged between 22 and 46 years; six of them were married, four were divorced, six lived in an informal relationship, and four were single. Their formal education ranged from no education (one interviewee had dropped out of primary school), primary or lower secondary education (obtained by seven women), vocational education (two women), secondary education (two women) to university degrees (three held BA degrees, one held an MA). 23

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

The data were collected through narrative interviews (Schütze, 2008) conducted by three people,3 which ensured investigator triangulation. Each interview consisted of three parts: spontaneous narrative generated by requesting the women to talk about their lives, and experiences of motherhood; clarification and a semi-structured part (Gajek and Marchlik, 2021, p 497). The interviews were conducted in places suggested by the interviewees, and the duration of the meeting depended on the women’s narrative skills (usually 1.5–​2 hours). The interviews were recorded and transcribed, and the data were anonymised.4 The study was approved by the University of Łódź Ethics Committee. The interviewees were informed about data processing and the study procedure, and gave their written consent to take part in the study. The theoretical basis for the data analysis was symbolic interactionism (Blumer, 1954), and the study itself was designed in accordance with the narrative-​interview procedure. These methodological solutions made it possible to avoid ex ante hypotheses, and theoretical problems became more specific in the process of collecting and comparing data. The selection of interviewees was justified by the theoretical saturation of data connected with the representativeness and motherhood experiences. The analytical procedure included three stages: formal textual investigation, structural description of the narrative, and analytical abstraction (Schütze, 2008). A detailed transcript of the narratives made it possible to analyse the text sequentially and to distinguish three communication patterns (narrative, description and argumentation). Based on systematic text segmentation, narrative units were isolated (segments and suprasegmental parts), which allowed description of the stages of the narrators’ biographies using process structures (biographical action schemes, institutional expectation patterns, trajectories of suffering and biographical metamorphoses). This further allowed the research to capture the relationship between the women and the events described, and the way the women experienced motherhood. The limitations of the study resulted from, among others, the adopted interpretive paradigm and the study methodology based on inductive reasoning. There is no doubt that autobiographical narratives are filled with the interviewees’ subjective perspectives that is determined by their world view, social status, present state of mind, motives and aims. The conclusions from the biographical data are not statistically representative and do not reflect the experiences of all mothers. The data gathered are very diverse on account of the different interpretive resources of the interviewees, their linguistic and narrative competencies, previous experiences, present situation and world view, while the interference of the interviewer’s subjectivity, both during the interview and when interpreting the data, may highlight or play down some of the threads. 24

Becoming and being a Polish mother

Findings The experiences of motherhood and building the identity of a mother are connected with interpretation of a situation in the context of recognised patterns of motherhood, norms of behaviour, and expectations of mothers. Important elements of socialisation include childhood experiences and the observation of practices of women/​mothers in one’s immediate surroundings. The women taking part in the study differed in age: the oldest ones became mothers in the mid-​1990s, while the youngest ones became mothers approximately 20 years later. Due to the generational gap, their socialisation experiences covered the period of socialism and the political transformation. Stories reconstructing the women’s childhood reflected the upbringing methods of the time, and were the point of reference for reflection on their own experience of motherhood. Having a child was a natural expectation, and prolonged childlessness in a marriage resulted in peer pressure. Parents did not think about whether they ever wanted to have children and how this would change their lives; in many cases, they had a few children and expected them to help around the house: “I was raised in a complete family; there were four of us, and I was the first child. I had many chores. I was frequently excused from school to help my family.” (3) Parents never considered whether the time was right to have a child or whether they had the necessary conditions and resources to bring up a child; they did not prepare for the new role and the decision did not involve any deep reflection. Children were brought up in multigenerational families, usually by their grandmothers who no longer worked, because of limited access to educational institutions and a distrust of them. Mutual support was treated as a moral obligation, and allowed people to minimise the cost of living: “My mother worked a lot. The person closest to me was my grandma, who spent a lot of time with me.” (10) Maintaining family ties was a significant task for women, and usually the eldest woman in the family was responsible for that until she became dependent and required care. Family reunions took place much more frequently than just during Christmas; often there were even weekly family gatherings. A two-​course meal was a Sunday ritual, a meeting of extended family integrated by a shared meal: “Sunday dinners at my grandma’s were important. Everyone came, I mean my mum’s two sisters with children and our family.” (1) Fathers were, of course, important people in the family, although less available than the constantly present mothers. Children were eager to spend time playing with their fathers. However, the fathers were perceived as strict and requiring subordination, and frequently aroused fear as they imposed

25

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

corporal punishment for bad behaviour: “The times were different, children were raised differently. It was normal to beat children. No-​one reacted. I was really afraid of my father.” (6) Due to the demands of their work, fathers were not present in the child’s life. Supporting their family materially released them from involvement in bringing up children and doing household chores, particularly if they did physical work. Mothers of the interviewees were forced to run the house and rear children on their own, often while working full-​time: “I think I learnt a lot at home. My mum was someone who took care of everything because my dad was never home. I’d rather do some things myself because at least I know they will be done.” (1) The relationships between parents and children were hierarchical, distanced and based on respect for elders, sometimes won by violence. Discipline and respecting boundaries established by adults mattered. Rules did not need to be explained and could not be negotiated: “I was never hugged by my grandparents or my parents. I love my children but I have trouble hugging them.” (3) Children would spend their free time with their friends outside. During the summer holidays, they spent many hours outside, returning home only for meals. This was the time when they explored the neighbourhood, came up with games that were not always safe, and learnt the rules of living in a group. Parents did not feel worried: they did not supervise their children constantly, but social control was exerted by the local community. Child-​ rearing was less reflective and did not involve any professional expertise in how to support a child’s development: “There were lots of children outside; we chased one another, played hide-​and-​seek, and explored basements. No-​one called to ask where you were but I wouldn’t dare to do the same with my children.” (2) Becoming and being a mother provided a certain meaning to one’s experience. Events that were important for being a mother, arranging them to create a coherent story, and undertaking reflection on certain aspects of life helped these women determine an attitude towards the events described and their circumstances. Use of the narrative structure to convey the sequence and dynamics of process structures enabled the study to reconstruct a biographical way of experiencing motherhood. Based on this, five models of motherhood experience were distinguished: the contemporary stay-​ at-​home Polish mother, the super-​mother, the good-​enough mother, the mother surpassing her own mother, and the saved-​by-​motherhood woman. A contemporary stay-​at-​home Polish mother is a woman who affirms motherhood. Her aim is to be a wife and a mother, and to create a big happy family: “I met my husband and we started a family. We always wanted to have a big family; we believe that it is God who gives children and we’re ready to accept as many children as he will give us. Now we have five children.” (2) 26

Becoming and being a Polish mother

In most cases, she does not work but devotes her time to children or running the household, which is very time-​consuming, particularly in the case of a big family or when children are small. An important element of motherhood is care for her loved ones, which involves worrying about them: “I’m home all the time; I take care of the children and I constantly worry.” (3) The husband, who supports the family, usually does not get involved in household chores or only helps to a limited extent: “Dad can’t cook, he doesn’t know how to prepare clothes, he’s completely helpless when it comes to everyday affairs. He can’t do it, he wasn’t taught how to do it, and he says that if I can do it better, then why should he get involved.” (3). However, he takes part in ritualised elements of childcare, such as bathing, reading bedtime stories or playing. His presence is limited and associated with pleasure: “He hugs the children all the time. I’m the mother who constantly tells them to do something, pick up their clothes or turn the tap off, and when daddy comes home, he’s the beloved parent.” (3) Unlike fathers, unemployed mothers are constantly available to their children and their presence is taken for granted. In big families, it is difficult to pay attention to each child separately: “I can see that each of them wants to have their mother for themselves and each needs some time alone with her. They compete for my attention.” (3) Mothers ensure comprehensive development of their children or focus on the child’s talent or present interests. When playing, they become creative and attentive to their children’s needs. Mothers typically prepare various activities for their children, or use something from an expert in child development. In the case of organisational obstacles, they look for solutions that are best for the child, even if it means they will have to do more work: “Skating is great, particularly that she’s got some aptitude for it. We’ll know after some years of training whether she’s talented and will compete. School takes a lot of time and leaves little time for passions, so my husband and I decided we would homeschool her.” (2). A demanding school regimen, coupled with after-​school and weekend activities that focus on different interests, often has mothers running around all over the place with their children: “I’m mobile, I’ve got a car now, but earlier I put the children in the pram, got on a tram, and went to different classes.” (2) Women find fulfilment in the role of a mother, and it is the basic element of their identity. The child’s success becomes the mother’s success and proves that she did well in her role: “I’m a very happy mother and wife; I watch them grow and develop. I try to be sensitive to their needs. I’m glad I can be home with them.” (2) When thinking about themselves, women try to deal with the idea of a perfect mother devoting herself to the family: “It seems to me I devote everything to be a mother, to create a family. Perhaps it doesn’t always go well, perhaps I should smile more often, but I’m tired.” (3) 27

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Contemporary stay-​at-​home Polish mothers do not dwell on the difficulties connected with motherhood, but prefer to focus on family happiness. They only casually mention being tired, and the strong emotions they feel, always on the go, with a sense of helplessness: “Children know that in some situations I’m just helpless and they don’t do what I want.” (3) They talk about themselves in the context of accompanying their children; they do not mention their own passions, development or pleasure. They are happy when they can rest and when someone relieves them for a moment, but they never ask for it: “When it comes to my interests, I don’t have any. I used to go to concerts, but now we can’t even go out together, go to the cinema; because of the age difference, it’s impossible.” (3) A super-​mother is to a certain extent similar to the contemporary stay-​ at-​home Polish mother. She perfectly and often independently takes care of the house and children, devoting a lot of energy to the development of their potential and responding to their needs. An important difference between these two types is that super-​mothers are also successful in the public sphere. The time at which these children appeared in the mothers’ lives, and the number of children, was well thought out. This was rooted in careful preparation and a feeling that the necessary conditions were in place, so that later the mothers could make the child or children a priority: “We didn’t think about another child then. On the contrary. I wanted to have one child and I was fully satisfied. Everything focused on him so that he could see and learn as much as possible.” (13) Apart from taking care of the child, this mother also takes care of other family members who need daily support: “My father’s health got worse, so every day after work I went to him with dinner, to see if everything was all right, to see if he had eaten and taken his medication, and to see how he was.” (13). She is also involved in local community activities or educational programmes: “I got to the community centre by chance, but I want to be there and I want to be needed by someone. I also get a lot from it; I need it like others need air.” (13) Despite numerous household duties, she has egalitarian views and tries to involve her family members in everyday activities. However, she frequently has to remind others about these chores or ask people to do something. ‘I can’t agree when someone puts a woman in the kitchen or expects she will clean. At home and in the child’s life, we’ve always tried to ensure everyone’s participation. I also give my children chores I know they can handle and I don’t do them for them because I’ve got many other duties.’ (13) A super-​mother works full-​time. This is mostly out of necessity and ensures a necessary income, but also gives her satisfaction and a feeling of professional 28

Becoming and being a Polish mother

competence: “There was a time at work when my manager was on a long sick leave and I was appointed manager then. I think I did well.” (13) A woman/​mother wants to perform all her social roles well, which requires a tremendous effort. She tries to ensure that none of the roles dominates, and she wants to be great in all of them. Despite the great burden, stress and physical or psychological problems, she does not give up or complain: ‘I was very tired but I didn’t want anyone to accuse me of being a bad mother because I failed to cook a meal, do the laundry or iron clothes, or of being a bad manager because I distributed bonuses poorly or failed to meet a deadline, or of being a bad daughter because I didn’t give my father dinner, or of being a bad wife because my husband lacked something. I tried not to disappoint anyone.’ (13) A good-​enough mother wants to fit into a known model and follow a scenario available to women, but she feels social pressure and initially does not intend to neglect other areas of her life: “When I was growing up, I dreamt about a husband, a wedding, and a white dress, but these were just childhood dreams.” (14) The appearance of long-​awaited children is an important biographical moment, but also brings about significant changes in the life of the woman/​ mother: “My children were born. This was probably the most important event in my life. I believe that the first child turns the world upside down the most because when the second one comes, you’ve already resigned from everything you could.” (1) A woman focuses her activity on children and adjusts to their needs: “My mother always says that children are the most important; perhaps this is why I mostly think about them.” (9). She is also aware that she gradually resigns from herself and realises the losses suffered because of her new role, for which she may have stopped formal education, resigned from a job or passion she enjoyed, and limited contacts with her friends: “I feel good as a mother, I could do a lot for them [her children] but I can’t say I’ve been made for this role. I’ve got aspirations for doing my own things.” (1) She talks about difficulties with rearing children, finding solutions, as well as successful and failed attempts to implement recommendations from specialists: “My daughter can’t handle emotions; when she’s angry she doesn’t know what to do; she screams, she has a fit. It looks terrible. I try to talk to her calmly even though this really gets my goat.” (9). Problems in rearing children and fatigue leave mothers eager to allow other family members to take care of their children: “When my parents first took my son for the weekend it was a great relief. I love my children very much but it’s sometimes great when they’re away.” (1) 29

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

In meeting the demands of being a mother and running the household, women have no time for themselves and for any outside interests or personal development. Over time, it leads to frustration and resignation: ‘I hardly ever manage to watch a film, a TV series, or read a book. My duties take a lot of my time. Perhaps I would do something ambitious but I won’t paint because I can’t put up easels and paints for three days; I have to put them away after a few hours, so it’s just pointless.’ (1) She sees the father of her children as a partner with whom she shares duties and responsibilities. What matters to her is respect for personal freedom and needs, enriching one another, and making compromises. However, this situation may change when children are born: ‘I met my husband. At first, the relationship was really great, it taught me a lot and I developed, but it got much worse when children appeared as my husband was not ready for them. He’s got an inflated ego and children don’t allow him to pursue his “self ”.’ (1) In terms of bringing up children and running the household, the woman follows her mother’s example and an idea of a good mother: “My mum was a person who managed everyone and whose opinion mattered the most. It’s difficult for me to delegate everything my mum did to my husband because I try to imitate her, and he’s happy that I do most of the chores myself.” (1) At the same time, she is overburdened with household chores and disappointed in the fact that her partner does not get involved in them. Delegating tasks and waiting for her husband to act has convinced her she can do things faster and better, which generates negative emotions in her: “I have to do absolutely everything. Shopping, washing, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, and organising activity outside. He expects, like a child, to be delegated tasks. It just won’t occur to him; he says he’s not a woman, so he doesn’t think about all these things.” (1) The private sphere, particularly running the household, does not hold much self-​fulfilment for a good-​enough mother. She finds daily routines wearisome, they drain her of energy, and deprive her of the possibility of getting involved in other areas of life: “I told my husband I didn’t like staying home and I wasn’t made for it. I enjoy socialising, I like doing other things than taking care of the house. Cooking is a duty I hate. I would love to say “I’m going to work” in the morning just like my husband.” (9) The woman feels she has lost her previous significant self-​identifications, supplanted by her role as a mother: “At this point, I would say I’m only a mother. Even though I’m also a wife, partner, and daughter, it seems to me 30

Becoming and being a Polish mother

that being a mother has eclipsed my whole world. I don’t even think about myself anymore.” (9) A mother surpassing her own mother is a woman who experienced a lot of difficult situations as a child, perhaps a hard childhood caused by her parents’ addictions or domestic violence. Memories bring back that suffering, the sense of loneliness and lack of support, and the resourcefulness required by such circumstances: “I was brought up in a dysfunctional family, my mum was an alcoholic and my house was full of dossers. I came back from school and had to clean the house; I had to do everything on my own.” (7) However, the women note that their childhood experiences shaped them, and they are proud of what they have managed to achieve despite the difficult conditions (such as sexual abuse, hunger and homelessness): “I’ve never strayed from the straight and narrow, I’m doing the best I can. I’m proud I didn’t follow in my mum’s footsteps.” (7). A consequence of the lack of support during childhood is the women’s resourcefulness, independence and unwillingness to ask others for help: “There’s no one I can count on. I’ve got to do everything on my own. I don’t like asking for help.” (6) Due to the living conditions at their family homes, the women wanted to become independent as soon as possible. They dropped out of school early and started to work or found partners to take care of them, and they gave birth to children: ‘There were a lot of us; we were poor, my father was an alcoholic and beat my mother. I met a boy and after some two months I moved in with him because I had had enough of that mess. I grabbed two bags and simply left home.’ (16) Starting an independent life and assuming a new role raised hopes for change. It fulfilled personal desires to create a happy family: “I really wanted to have children and my older daughter was a dream come true.” (7). In some cases, however, becoming independent entailed some overwhelming events. Homelessness, violent partners and destitution meant crises that these women were not able to overcome on their own: “I gave birth to my first daughter and decided to give her up for adoption because I knew I wouldn’t be able to raise her.” (15) The women construct a vision of being a good mother based on their earlier experiences and the social expectations that they are aware of: “I try to be a good mum. Better than mine was. I don’t want to give my children the same childhood I had. I know I sometimes fail my children. I know that as a mother I’m not as good as I’d like to be.” (15) As they were raised in families with many problems, their success is reflected by the fact that their children were not placed in childcare facilities. Thus, it is important for them to avoid the attention of social services by 31

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

ensuring proper housing conditions (cleanliness, heating in the winter), satisfying their children’s needs, ensuring their safety, and fulfilling schooling obligations: “I try to clean the house, feed my children, and ensure they get promoted to the next grade.” (5). At the same time, they clearly reject the parental practices they experienced during their own childhoods as they know the effects of such experiences and want to give their children a better future: “My childhood wasn’t easy; my father beat us, which is why I try to bring up my children in a different way. I want them to have a good life, I don’t want them to suffer like I did.” (6) Children are extremely important to these mothers, and, as a result, are unconditionally accepted: “I will always stand firmly behind them. Whatever they do.” (4). Sometimes this leads to conflicts with the partner who questions the woman’s parenting style and indicates its consequences: “My relationship is falling apart. He says it’s because of the children because they don’t obey him, but these are my children and I will fight for them. My children are more important to me than my partner.” (7) The mothers are also aware of the difficulties of bringing up children with behavioural issues (truancy, fights, other offences): ‘When my older daughter sets her mind to something, she’ll always get what she wants. She might be sent to an institution; the younger one also starts getting into trouble. I’d do anything for them. Some people say that what I do is wrong and this is why they behave like this.’ (7) The interviewees included both employed and unemployed women. Due to lack of education and low qualifications, they usually do simple and low-​ paid jobs, and they work long hours to support their families: “I’ve found a job that gives me fulfilment but I work 12–​14 hours a day. I only see my children during weekends.” (5) An important issue for these women is having a partner and being in a relationship. It is an element of their vision of a happy family, but it also has a practical aspect in case of unemployment and ensuring their children are cared for. Sometimes women go through a few failed relationships and give birth to children with different fathers. Over time, they lower their expectations of their partners, particularly if the previous one was addicted or violent: “He’s good for me, for the children, he doesn’t abuse or beat us. He helps whenever he can. Were it not for him, it would be difficult for me.” (6) A saved-b ​ y-m ​ otherhood woman is to some extent similar to a mother surpassing her own mother. Such women also had difficult childhood experiences, but their lives have been different: ‘I remember dad’s violence towards us. He beat me, my older sister, and my mum; there were also drinking bouts. I was first placed in an 32

Becoming and being a Polish mother

institution when I was three years old and I spent my whole childhood there. My mum visited my siblings in the children’s home but she didn’t want to have anything to do with me.’ (12) At first because of the family situation and then because of bad behaviour and breaking the law, the women were placed in institutions (for example, Youth Education Centres or juvenile/​women’s correction centres). Despite the trauma involved (assaults, rapes and homelessness after repeated escapes), they soon adapted to new conditions and built their position among their maladjusted peers: ‘I was placed in an educational care facility. I was terribly afraid. Everyone was much older than me, and I was only thirteen. A girl entered the room, took a chair, and smashed it on my head. For nothing. Later, in each new facility, I was the one to start a fight because I didn’t want to be a victim.’ (12) These women often met their partners, the future fathers of their children, in such institutions. Becoming pregnant was the turning point in the women’s lives. From then on, they started to think about changing their situation and preparing to be mothers: ‘I could no longer live in a den, I wandered from station to station; finally, I went to my guardian and told her I was pregnant and had nowhere to live. She called my mother and asked her to put me up for a few days until a place was found in a single mothers home, but she refused and said she wouldn’t take such a problem upon her shoulders.’ (12) The women emphasise the metamorphosis that they underwent despite the fears they had. They learnt how to be mothers from scratch because they had no role models. They identified strongly with the role of a mother, which they try to fulfil in accordance with social expectations. This has brought them fulfilment: “Now I’m a mum, an alarm clock, a cook, everything. I’m a multi-​purpose person because of my role as a mother, but I’m mostly a better person than I used to be. I’m proud of myself.” (12)

Conclusion The narrative of becoming and being a mother is a reconstruction of identity in biographical terms. Biographical continuity in time and space requires integration of new experiences with previous ones, giving meaning to one’s experiences, and reflecting on the changes brought about by the appearance 33

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

of a child or children. The process of shaping the image of the woman/​ mother is situated in the context of the models of motherhood disseminated in the public discourse, her gender socialisation, or motherhood practices related to her knowledge, competences, opportunities and living conditions. A systematic, multi-​stage, textual analysis of the narratives revealed a structure in the organisation of the women’s experiences (Schütze, 2008), and allowed reconstruction of a biographical way of experiencing motherhood. Reconstructing the course of a life made it possible to capture the process of making meanings and interpreting experiences, and to clarify the interviewees’ relationships to the events reported. The process and dimensions of becoming and being a mother are illustrated in the five patterns of motherhood as experienced by these women. The contemporary stay-​at-​home Polish mother is a woman whose primary identification is the role of a mother, and secondly a wife (Titkow, 2007). She considers getting married, giving birth and raising children, and running a household as the natural order of things and her vocation (Budrowska, 2000). She has always dreamt of a large, happy family and wanted to have children, so she does not focus on the difficulties involved and does not complain. She abandons her previous areas of identification (for example, as a woman, human being, student, worker), finding fulfilment in being a mother (Beck and Beck-​Gernsheim 2002). Such a woman makes a choice of her life path that is not due to a lack of alternatives (Titkow, 2007) but to the valorisation of motherhood. She defines herself through her relationhips with others, constructs her identity through an inseparable relationship with her children and husband (she often uses the pronoun ‘we’), emphasising collectiveness, group membership and certain dependencies. She consciously situates herself in the private sphere, and affirms self-​identification through successful role-​playing. The reference point for this practice of motherhood is the updated model of the Polish Mother, which has been deprived of its political component (Budrowska, 2000) but enriched by reflection and the professionalisation of parenting activities (Hays, 1996). The welfare of the child and the family is of paramount importance to the woman, which she expresses through care and total devotion to others (Titkow, 1995; Bartmiński, 2012). Her material situation allows her to give up her job, and therefore she is constantly present at home and available for her children 24 hours a day, which makes her irreplaceable (Douglas and Michaels, 2004). Her focus is her children –​and consequently there is no guilt when it comes to her being a mother –​but she experiences anxiety and insecurity. She feels completely responsible for all areas of the children’s lives, and strongly identifies with their successes and failures. She uses her professional knowledge to support her children’s development, and commits her time, energy and financial resources to ensure the best possible future for them (Hays, 1996). The ways in which such a woman fulfils her roles as a mother, 34

Becoming and being a Polish mother

wife and housewife receive social recognition; her efforts are appreciated and her heroism is highlighted (Maciarz, 2004). The super-​mother is a woman who primarily identifies herself with motherhood (Titkow, 2007) while also performing other social roles that are important to her. The course of her life reflects normative social expectations (Bakiera and Szczerbal, 2018): after completing her education, taking up a job and becoming independent, she decides to marry and become a mother. In doing so, she believes that she can successfully combine family life with a professional and satisfying social life, and that she should perform all roles equally well (Hansen Shaevitz, 1984). She prepares for motherhood, organises the conditions necessary for raising a child, acquires knowledge and competences, and plans the moment of the child’s appearance. She pays a lot of attention to her children, cares for their comprehensive development, and spends her free time with them, but she does not forget that she is a wife and a woman. What is important to her in a relationship is communication, making compromises, mutual support, solving problems together, mutual enrichment and closeness, but also giving each other space to develop individuality. Because of her egalitarian views, she divides household duties among the family members, although she is an excellent housewife, feels good in the kitchen, and likes to surprise others with exquisite dishes. At the same time, she takes care of other family members (for example, caring for her elderly parents) and is active in the community. At work she is appreciated for her competence and dedication, which gives her a sense of satisfaction. The super-​mother fulfils all her roles perfectly and wants to meet high social expectations, which entails great effort and stress. Despite difficulties and guilt for not trying hard enough, she does not give up her high standards and demands on herself. This is related to the need for social recognition and confirmation of one’s worth (Maciarz, 2004). The good-​enough mother is a woman for whom the identity of a mother has become problematic, and her life reveals a clash between the institution of motherhood and the experience of motherhood (Rich, 2021). Initially, she fulfils normative social expectations of women, and, like the contemporary stay-​at-​home Polish mother and the super-​mother, she emphasises the importance of motherhood and the fulfilment and happiness associated with it (Beck and Beck-​Gernsheim, 2002). However, the appearance of children forces her to give up activities that were important to her, reduces social contacts or changes her relationship with her partner, or causes an overload as a result of the double burden of duties (Wysocka, 2010). Forced by circumstances and the valorisation of family life, the narrowing of self-​identification to the role of mother, wife and housewife generates biographical trajectories of suffering, guilt and loss. At first, the woman ignores its symptoms, convincing herself that the life she leads is the result of her choice and that the difficulties she is experiencing are temporary. 35

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Over time, however, the situation becomes more and more overwhelming, enforcing routine and conditioned actions that indicate a loss of control and agency. Pressure, responsibility and loss of confidence in herself as a mother are associated with such suffering. The woman attempts to understand her situation, analyses her own life in the context of normative expectations, and defines the area of change and loss. On the one hand, she feels cheated by the socially popularised vision of motherhood, but, on the other hand, she has a sense of guilt that she has not lived up to the expectations placed upon her. She continues to emphasise the importance of the child in her life (Doniec, 2001), but, at the same time, says that current circumstances trigger negative emotions in her (Donath, 2017). She misses her previous life, waits for the situation to change, but does not give herself permission to negate the value of motherhood. She therefore focuses on performing her tasks optimally and coping with everyday life. At the same time, she starts to notice and take care of her emotions and needs, and is aware that she makes mistakes but gives herself the right to be imperfect. The mother surpassing her own mother is a woman for whom the identity of the mother is the basic self-​identification (Titkow, 2007), although she also recognises other areas of identification (woman, human being, worker). She builds her identity and way of performing the role in opposition to her own mother, clearly emphasising that she does not want to duplicate those mistakes. During childhood, destabilisation of her life situation was characteristic of the trajectory process, accompanied by suffering, and she blames her parents, especially the actions or negligence of her mother, for this state. The organisation of her life within such a trajectory forced her to focus on survival, and the lack of protection and support from adults required resourcefulness and independence. Due to such difficult living conditions, she did not develop her resources and competences, she did not achieve educational success, and she quickly entered the job market. Becoming independent was a way of escaping the trajectory. Starting a family and fulfilling normative social expectations was also a chance to change the situation (Maciarz, 2004). Such women are looking for love, stability and a sense of security, but also for someone to help them cope with daily difficulties. Usually, however, numerous problems and a failed relationship set off another trajectory, so the woman/​mother focuses on protecting her children, to whom she gives unconditional acceptance. She emphasises that they are her greatest happiness, giving her a sense of fulfilment and pride, as well as motivation for action. Overwhelmed by the difficulties piling up, she feels that she has no control or influence over anything, but at the same time makes a constant effort to cope with the situation better than her own mother did. She therefore concentrates on the essentials of existence, systematically organising her life within this trajectory, and mitigating its effects on an ongoing basis. 36

Becoming and being a Polish mother

The saved-​by-​motherhood woman is one who, due to the difficult situation in the family home and the neglect of parental responsibilities towards her, was placed in an institution as a child. Painful memories from the family home, the loss of the bond with her mother, and the start of an institutional existence set in motion a trajectory process. Life in an institution brings further traumas and initiates survival strategies. Escapes from the institution, truancy, smoking, alcohol or drug use, aggression, petty crime, premature sexual activity or self-​harm are ways of coping in the new reality. Lack of compliance with social norms and expectations also push her into building a position in the peer group, while for educators and social workers, this is evidence of a young person becoming ever more demoralised. This institutional existence ends upon reaching adulthood or serving a prison sentence. Independent life outside the institution does not bring about any significant changes in the woman’s behaviour until she becomes pregnant, which is a turning point (Budrowska, 2000) and involves a metamorphosis in her life. The child carries autotelic value for her (Doniec, 2001), and all future plans are connected to the child, for example the wish to create a happy family. From this moment on, the woman builds her identity around the role of the mother, with which she strongly identifies, and also orientates herself towards normative social expectations. She herself recognises that the lack of role models, resources and competences makes it difficult for her to fulfil her role, and causes self-​doubt and lack of confidence, but she makes an effort to be a good mother. Motherhood has radically changed the course of her life, allowing her to discover new possibilities and leading to a transformation in identity. A comparative analysis of the patterns of experiencing motherhood distinguished from autobiographical narratives allows us to notice elements common in all five models, while, at the same time, demonstrating the relationship of personal experiences to the institution of motherhood and the importance of normative social expectations. All the women emphasised that being a mother is their primary identity (Titkow, 2007) and most important life experience. This was either due to an affirmation of the role or conditions imposed a narrowing of their self-​ identification. The framework for their reflection on their experiences is the image of a ‘good mother’, built on socially accepted role models. They use stereotypes that confirm the high position of motherhood, the child and the family in their axiological system (Bartmiński, 2012), but in their way of experiencing it, one notices the trajectory potential that they want to deny (Donath, 2017). Women do not undermine the importance of the child and the role of the mother, but they are critical of the conditions expected for fulfilling it. This reveals, among other things, a conflict between their need for personal freedom and the pressure of expectations, especially putting the welfare of the child and the family above their own 37

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

wellbeing (Budrowska, 2000; Rich, 2021). Women talk about the difficulties resulting from the socio-​cultural conditions and their personal situation (for example, financial difficulties, working long hours, lack of support, a child’s disability) with which they have to cope. Coping with all problems is a characteristic feature of all mothers and a remnant of the heroism of the Polish Mother, especially from the socialist period (Walczewska, 1999; Kowalczyk, 2003; Titkow, 2007). As a result, women feel a non-​negotiable obligation; this is compounded by a deep sense of responsibility, along with being overburdened and experiencing loneliness. A mother’s devotion and steadfastness are socially normalised (Budrowska, 2000; Rich, 2021), so women do not ask for help and feel guilty, ashamed or different when they are unable or unwilling to live up to expectations. The interviewees think of themselves as good mothers, although their practices differ considerably. Parenting is accompanied by greater awareness and reflection, and the point of reference is often expert knowledge in supporting development (Hays, 1996). The mother’s resources and competencies determine how much she rationalises and professionalises her role. Notes The first two partitions (in 1772 and 1793) drastically reduced the territory of the Republic of Poland, while, as a result of the third partition, it disappeared from the maps of Europe for 123 years. 2 The author would like to thank the informants who took the effort to talk to her, placed their trust in her, were willing to bring her into reality of their lives and share their experiences. 3 Katarzyna Gajek conducted eight interviews, Elżbieta Czerska-​Szczepaniak conducted five interviews, Paulina Marchlik conducted three interviews. 4 In order to protect identities of the informants, the narrative data were coded and the interviews were numbered. 1

References Arcimowicz, K. (2008) ‘Przemiany męskości w kulturze współczesnej’, in M. Fuszara (ed) nowi mężczyźni? zmieniające się modele męskości we współczesnej, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Trio, pp 21–​60. Bakiera, L. and Szczerbal, J. (2018) ‘Doświadczenie nastoletniego macierzyństwa a wybrane aspekty funkcjonowania dorosłych kobiet’, Polskie Forum Psychologiczne, 23(1): 102–​121. Bartmiński, J. (2012) ‘Polski stereotyp matki’, in J. Bartmiński (ed) Językowe podstawy obrazu świata, Lublin: Wydawnictwo Uniwersytetu Marii Curie-​ Skłodowskiej, pp 151–​166. Beck, U. and Beck-​Gernsheim, E. (2002) Individualization. Institutionalized Individualism and its Social and Political Consequences, London: Sage Publications. Blumer, H. (1954) ‘What is wrong with social theory?’, American Sociological Review, 19: 3–​10. 38

Becoming and being a Polish mother

Boguszewski, R. (2008) Kontrowersje wokół różnych zjawisk dotyczących życia małżeńskiego i rodzinnego: Komunikat z badań, Warsaw: Centrum Badania Opinii Społecznej. Bradley, H. (2013) Gender, New York: Wiley. Budrowska, B. (2000) Macierzyństwo jako punkt zwrotny w życiu kobiety, Wrocław: Fundacja na rzecz Nauki Polskiej. Chołuj, B. (1992) ‘Matka Polka i zmysły’, Res Publica Nova, 3: 31–​33. Donath, O. (2017) Regretting Motherhood: A Study, Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books. Doniec, R. (2001) Rodzina wielkiego miasta: Przemiany społeczno-​moralne w świadomości trzech pokoleń, Kraków: Wydawnictwo Uniwersytetu Jagiellońskiego. Douglas, S. and Michaels, M.W. (2004) The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women, New York: Free Press. Fuszara, M. (2002) ‘Zakończenie’, in M. Fuszara (ed) Kobiety w Polsce na przełomie wieków. Nowy kontrakt płci?, Warsaw: Instytut Spraw Publicznych, pp 196–​204. Hałas, E. (2006) Interakcjonizm symboliczny. Społeczny kontekst znaczeń, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Naukowe PWN. Hansen Shaevitz, M. (1984) The Superwoman Syndrome, New York: Warner Books. Hays, S. (1996) The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Kotlarska-​Michalska, A. (2006) ‘Obrazy życia rodzinnego z perspektywy półwiecza badań nad rodziną polską’, in A. Kotlarska-​Michalska (ed) Obrazy życia rodzinnego z perspektywy interdyscyplinarnej, Poznań: Wydawnictwo Naukowe Uniwersytetu im Adama Mickiewicza, pp 27–​56. Kowalczuk, K. (2010) Postawy prokreacyjne Polaków, Warsaw: Centrum Badania Opinii Społecznej. Kowalczyk, I. (2003) ‘Matka-​Polka kontra supermatka?’, Czas Kultury, 5: 11–​21. Maciarz, A. (2004) Macierzyństwo w kontekście zmian społecznych, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Akademickie ‘Żak’. Mynarska, M., Matysiak, A. and Rybińska, A. (2014) ‘Którędy do bezdzietności? Analiza ścieżek życia kobiet, które nigdy nie zostały matkami’, in A. Matysiak (ed) Nowe wzorce formowania i rozwoju rodziny w Polsce: Przyczyny oraz wpływ na zadowolenie z życia, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Naukowe Scholar, pp 105–​131. Ostrouch-​Kamińska, J. (2011) Rodzina partnerska jako relacja współzależnych podmiotów, Kraków: Oficyna Wydawnicza ‘Impuls’. Radziszewska, J. (2007) ‘Matka Polka –​ideał wiecznie żywy?’, in B. Płonka-​ Syroka, J. Radziszewska and A. Szlagowska (eds) Oczekiwania kobiet i wobec kobiet: Stereotypy i wzorce kobiecości w kulturze europejskiej i amerykańskiej, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo DiG, pp 465–​470. 39

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Rich, A. (2021) Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution, New York: W.W. Norton & Company. Schütze, F. (2008) ‘Biography analysis on the empirical base of autobiographical narratives: how to analyse autobiographical narrative interviews –​part one’, European Studies on Inequalities and Social Cohesion, No 1/2: 243–​297 Łodz: University of Łodz Publishing. Titkow, A. (1995) ‘Kobiety pod presją? Proces kształtowania się tożsamości’, in A. Titkow and H. Domański (eds) Co to znaczy być kobietą w Polsce?, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Instytutu Filozofii i Socjologii PAN, pp 9–​39. Titkow, A. (2007) Tożsamość polskich kobiet: Ciągłość, zmiana, konteksty, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Instytutu Filozofii i Socjologii PAN. Titkow, A., Duch-​Krzystoszek, D. and Budrowska, B. (2004) Nieodpłatna praca kobiet: Mity, realia, perspektywy, Warsaw: Wydawnictwo Instytutu Filozofii i Socjologii PAN. Walczewska, S. (1999) Damy, rycerze, feministki: Kobiecy dyskurs emancypacyjny w Polsce, Kraków, Poland: eFKa. Winnicott, D.W. (2012) The Family and Individual Development, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. Wysocka, M. (2010) ‘Kobieta kryzysem brzemienna: Sytuacja kobiet na i poza rynkiem pracy w dobie kryzysu demograficznego’, Refleksje, 1: 265–​279.

40

2

‘A good mother is a good mother and a good wife’: gender politics and mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women Elham Amini

Introduction Across the world, mothering is interwoven with women and concepts of femininity (Chodorow, 1989, Glenn, 1994; Arendell, 2000). However, the ideology of intensive mothering and maternal practice is more pervasive and damaging for women who live in fundamentalist patriarchal cultures like Iran (Afary, 2009, Amini and McCormack, 2021) than in more westernised countries. In this chapter, by employing a biographical approach, I seek to answer how biographical research increases attention to race and ethnicity and the differing experiences of mothers by providing a counter-​narrative against the mainstream narrative on agency and ethnicity. My central questions are how older Iranian women feel about being a mother, specifically a ‘good mother’, what meanings they ascribe to mothering, how mothering conflicts with their other identities, such as being a woman and a wife, and how Iranian mothers engage with and respond to the dominant ideology of mothering. Mothering is a multifaceted and complex concept that comprises both mundane practice and symbolic meaning. In this book chapter, I consider mothering as a gendered and bodily practice, addressing both the materiality of mothers’ bodies together with their social realities and gender as social practices and socio-​political structures. However, I explain that women also negotiate cultural meaning and symbols to shape gendered mothering experiences and its bodily practice. This approach enabled me to not only focus on cultural processes but also emotional dynamics, gendered bodies and any non-​discursive forms of power and constraint. Moreover, it provides more room for the reflexive self to show how Iranian mothers engage with and respond to the dominant ideology, and correspondingly the experience of mothering is not limited to the passive result of socialisation.

41

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Mothering not only reflects socio-​cultural structures and changes, but is also an agent of transformation, connecting personal lives and kinship with larger-​scale historical processes. As a key site where family, religion, culture and economy converge, mothering encompasses and relies on norms developed by individuals, families and the gender order of the society. These norms also shape the stigma around mothering experiences such as ‘good mothering’, and highlight the importance of the cultural meanings and symbols in shaping mothering experiences. Mothering is a gendered practice, as both femininity and gender identity have mothering at the centre. Connell (1987) highlights that social relations of gender are organised in relation to the reproductive division of people into male and female. Even for women who have not experienced being a mother, their life is fused with the symbolic meaning of mothering. For example, their experience of menstruation, abortion, menopause and infertility alongside their feminine identity may shape a new identity as ‘not a mother’. Accordingly, in this chapter, mothering is not limited to biological reproduction, but is a dynamic social interaction between socio-​cultural and political structures at the macro-​level and personal embodied responses to these normative structures at the micro-​level. Considering mothering as a gendered and cultural process that can be modified subjectively by individuals through interaction between socio-​ cultural structure and their own agency not only emphasises the agency of Iranian mothers but also reveals the fluidity of mothering, rather than it ever constituting a fixed endpoint. This is also a salient reason for employing a biographical narrative approach in this research. Biographical research intersects gender and ethnicity, and provides an opportunity to not only understand meanings of mothering and the complexities of mothering from the points of view of the participants, but also, by questioning uniform mothering experiences, to highlight the subjectivity understanding of mothering as a diverse and multifaceted experience. This also challenges the ethnocentric bias whereby the focus is on White women in western countries, particularly the United Kingdom and the United States (Amini and McCormack, 2019; King et al, 2019). By using the biographical approach, this research not only gives a voice to a silent group of women but may also be consciousness-​raising (Roberts, 2002). I start this chapter by providing an overview on gender norms and relations (specifically for mothering) in Iran to explain how policy can inform hegemonic intensive mothering, and then I address my analytical framework, comprising Connell’s (1987, 1995) gender order and Crossley’s (2001) reflexive embodiment. I then discuss the methods and practices used to collect empirical data, explain why biographical interviews constitute both an appropriate approach for seeking answers to my research questions, 42

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

centered around a concern for women’s biographical mothering, agency and counter-​narratives. I then present and discuss the findings.

Iran and mothering practice Since the Islamic Revolution of 1979, Iran has entered an era of extreme conservatism, with distinctive characteristics of gender inequality. In the Islamic constitution, family has been defined as the fundamental unit of Islamic society, which should be protected, facilitated and strengthened by all laws, regulations and planning (Article 10, Islamic Criminal Law). Correspondingly, women as citizens have been subjected to women as mothers (Paidar, 1997). Article 21 has obliged the Islamic state to support mothers and pregnant women (not women generally) in order to secure survival of the Islamic family and Islamic norms. From this viewpoint, women as mothers and wives are considered to hold responsibility of protecting and maintaining the Islamic morality and political fate of the country (Najmabadi,1991). Women are encouraged to constrain themselves and their identities to being a good mother and housewives. A mother’s work and home making have been defined as the pivotal role of women to build the future. In a speech in July 2020, the Supreme Leader of Iran called mothering as an essential role for women, and stated that the pivotal role of women is within their family (not their work), and that they need to focus on the ‘upbringing and education of human beings’ as this is the responsibility that ‘no-​one can do except women’ (Khamenei, 2020). He highlighted that, if there is a necessity for women’s involvement in social tasks, it should not damage their essential roles as mothers. Consequently, Iranians are encouraged and forced into male-​headed nuclear families built on the man’s labour and earnings. Thus, although women comprised 63 per cent of the students in the universities in 2011 (Rezai-​Rashti, 2011), only between 12 (Alaedini and Razavi, 2005) and 18 per cent (Chamlou, 2021) of women are within the economically active population. This means that Iran’s female labour force participation is one of the lowest in the world, ranking 175 out of 180 countries (Chamlou, 2021). Women are also responsible for the durability of the Islamic family and moral health of the society. The first Supreme Leader of Iran, Ruhollah Khomeini, in one of his most famous speeches, stated that women are responsible for the ascension of men and emancipation of society (Khomeini, 1979). Since the announcement of obligatory wearing of Hijab by the Islamic government in March 1979, the veil and proper Hijab have become symbols of a woman’s faith and loyalty in looking after the Islamic family and norms to maintain the durability of the family (Najmabadi, 1993). This has turned women’s bodies into the bearer of moral codes that can save ‘the 43

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

sacred and pure institution of the family’ (Khamenei, 2007). The sexuality of men is framed as a natural and inevitable urge that should be satisfied, while women’s sexuality is defined as an honourable and valuable feature of femininity, subject to regulation and protection (Amini and McCormack, 2021). Under the present regime, the aim of sexual relationships is for procreation (Moghasemi et al, 2018), to maintain the family and for women to satisfy their husbands (Khoei et ;al, 2008). Mothers are considered as the mentors of Islamic society, who are responsible for nurturing and training good human beings (Khomeini, 1979). Thus, women as mothers and wives are seen to bear a heavy responsibility for the moral health of the country. However, this heavy responsibility has not granted more rights for women or even mothers. After the Islamic Revolution, the family code was cancelled and replaced by a religious code (Sharia law). Islamic juridical discourse gives more control to men and the state over women’s bodies, sexuality and reproductive functions. According to Article 11, a wife must be obedient to her husband (Tamkin) especially in sexual relationships, otherwise she is disobedient (Nashiza) and her husband may marry another woman (Moghadam, 2004). Under Islamic law, polygamy, temporary marriage, a father or guardian’s control of the first marriage, custody for the father or his family and easy divorce are available for men but not for women (Gheytanchi,2001; Rahbari, 2019; Amini and McCormack, 2021). Sex outside marriage is illegal, with harsh punishments for breaking this law (Articles 221 and 213), including 100 lashes and up to 1 year in prison. After the Islamic Revolution in 1979 the legal age of marriage was lowered from 18 years of age to 13 years for women and 20 years to 15 years for men. In 2012, the Supreme Leader of Iran formally disapproved of population control strategies, calling motherhood a ‘sacred and essential role’ for women (Khamenei, 2012). He asked for forgiveness from God and history, and replaced family planning by a fertility programme (Karami, 2012). After this speech, access to free contraception, import of male condoms and all surgeries intended for permanent contraception were banned, except for medical reasons, and harsh punishments were introduced for doctors involved in such surgeries (Karamouzian et al, 2014). This huge cultural and political emphasis on mothering as an important part of women’s identity shapes feelings of failure and identity disruption among infertile women (Khodakarami et al, 2009) or mothers with breast cancer (Mazaheri et al, 2021), due to not being able to fulfil childcare and even housework responsibility. Therefore, Iranian women with infertility experiences who had babies through artificial reproductive techniques often become ‘super mothers’ (Mohammadi et al, 2015), performing exceptional mothering responsibilities without fatigue or exhaustion, for example, by over-​caring, over-​emotional investment and over-​expectation of themselves. 44

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

In this context, this study, in which 30 biographical interviews were conducted with older Muslim women, aims to understand how older Iranian women feel about being a mother, specifically a ‘good mother’, and how Iranian Muslim mothers engage with and respond to the dominant ideology of intensive mothering.

Analytical framework In this section, I explain the theoretical framework of this biographical life history research in which interactionism and practice theory are combined (in the form of Connell’s gender order and Crossley’s reflexive body techniques; Connell, 1987; 1995; Crossley, 2001) with a biographical lifecourse approach to conceptualise the multidimensions of mothering. Mothering and intensive mothering as an ideological concept have been discussed by a number of feminists (Firestone, 1970; Oakley, 2019; Hays,1996). However, there is less research or theoretical explanations towards an understanding of intensive mothering by integrating both the subjectivity and objectivity of the mothering and defining it as a gendered and bodily practice. Using a biographical approach and integrating body with gender permits a focus on not only cultural processes but also emotional dynamics, gendered bodies and non-​discursive forms of power and constraint. I demonstrate that, although motherhood has been defined by cultural meaning and symbols, women redefine it or sometimes challenge it in their everyday experiences of mothering or by using their bodies (for example, in Zahra’s case, which I explain later). I draw broadly from Crossley’s reflexive body techniques (2001) and Connell’s gender order theory (1987, 1995) to articulate both social and  cultural institutionalised mothering and its bodily practices such as desires and emotions. These methods allow me to scrutinise the mothering experiences of women individually, in the wider context of socio-​cultural and historical structures, including their role in the perpetuation and challenging of these self-​same structures, as concern with individual agency during one’s life course is a key element of my approach. The concept of gender order from Connell’s (1987, 1995) perspective provides a useful tool for exploring gender relations within this research from a realistic perspective. In this model, gender is a multidimensional concept, and gender relationships are not only constructed by the symbolic dimension, such as the dominant culture, but also by material practices, such as domestic labour, sexuality, childcare and paid labour. Moreover, it is essential in this research to employ a framework that focuses on gender embodiment, and one that can clarify the bodily practice of mothering. By using the notion of social embodiment from Connell’s (2012) perspective, I explain the conflicts between women’s lived experiences, their desired 45

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

self and the institutionalised definition of mothering. Connell (1995, p 89) emphasises that a life history is ‘one of the richest methods in social sciences’, and underlines the importance of life history to explore the interconnection of social conditions and personal situation (Connell, 1995, pp 89–​90). For this reason, using Connell’s theory is consistent with the wider theoretical framework of this research that includes the concept of lifecourse and biographical narratives. The other important element of Connell’s gender order theory is her emphasis on hegemony, in which cultural consent and psychological acceptance are essential, as well an individual’s agency. Another salient factor for employing Connell’s theory is her notion of northern theory. She argues that women who live in societies of the global south have been homogenised into a single category of victimhood by northern theories (Connell and Pearse, 2015, p 67), and emphasises that there is no generalised and single category of women. The other important concept of this research is gendered embodiment related to mothering. I draw on Crossley (2001), who, by employing Bourdieu’s (1984, 1990) idea of habitus, connects individuals’ bodily practices to the socio-​cultural structure of society through their reflexive responses. In his view, bodies are not passive; rather, they are actively involved in the process of embodiment. This view allows me to capture comprehensively the dynamic processes of gendered embodiment related to mothering. Moreover, Crossley (2006) challenges the dichotomous idea of body/​mind and biological/​sociological factors, by regarding bodies as comprising both materialistic and non-​materialistic elements. Through this this framework, and the assumptions that underpin it, I explore mothering as an ongoing process in an individual’s everyday life, and as the agency of individuals embedded in social practices.

Methods This study is a part of a broader project regarding older women’s health, experiences of menopause and sexual experience in Iran. In this study, I employed a biographical lifecourse approach, placing emphasis on transitions and the dynamic complexity of the individual’s life, and enabling participants to narrate their own stories (Rosenthal, 2004; O’Neill, 2010). Placing participants’ realities at its centre, and focusing on their subjective interpretation, this approach is salient for marginalised and silenced groups, including the participants of this research (Plummer, 1995; Merrill and West, 2009). As Nurse (2013) highlights, biographical methods help foreground the agency and subjectivity of marginalised women, which is particularly important in an area where the patriarchal structures are often emphasised over individual experiences. (Erel, 2007; Merrill and West, 2009). The use of biographical methods in studies of marginalised and silent minorities has 46

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

always been a core agenda of biographical research (O’Neill and Giddens, 2001; Nurse, 2013, 2016). By using a biographical approach and hearing the women’s narrations and their life stories, I have taken the opportunity to understand the lived experiences of women, and so can relate their individual biographies to their socio-​cultural structures. Therefore, in winter 2014 and spring 2015, I conducted 30 individual biographical interviews with women who regularly attended religious classes in Tehran and Karaj. The vast majority (99.5%) of the Iranian population is Muslim (United Nations, 2017) but not all of them actively practise Islam. As being religious is one of the essential characteristics of my target group, it was important for me to find women who did indeed practised Islam. Thus, I recruited the research participants from women who regularly attended religious or Quran classes in Tehran and Karaj. To access different socio-​economic classes, I chose five Quran classes from various geographical areas of Tehran: North, Northeast, North Centre, Southeast and ‘Downtown.’ Additionally, one Quran class was located in Karaj, the fourth largest city of Iran and 20 km west of Tehran. People who cannot afford to live in Tehran often relocate to Karaj. Purposive and snowball sampling were adopted. To make initial contact, I spoke with friends who attended these classes, and, before attending myself, was introduced to the teachers of the classes and obtained their permission. To meet the women regularly, I attended all these sessions every week for 4 months. The classes comprised between 10 and 20 students, and were always held in one of the student’s houses. The teachers always sat at the head of the room on a special sofa, different from the chairs that everyone else sat on. At the first session, in all six cases, the teacher started by introducing me to the other women, and then, at the end of that session, I was given five minutes to talk with the women about my research. I always introduced myself as a midwife who had continued her studies in the sociology of health and gender. This often led women to ask medical questions of me, and I answered if I could, or otherwise referred them to a specialist in that area. I then invited them to join the research by giving me their telephone number, if they preferred, or taking mine, in order that we could subsequently arrange a date and a time that was suitable for them to be interviewed. Participants were all aged 45 years or older and were either post-​ menopausal (menstruation had ceased for more than a year), had experienced termination of their menstruation cycle, but for less than a year, or had experienced menopause due to undergoing hysterectomy as a consequence of menorrhagia. All participants had experienced the Islamic Revolution (1979) during their adolescence. Using a biographical approach helps me to not only capture the changes in the life of the participants, but also the experiences before and after the phenomenon in question (motherhood). The point is to understand mothering in the process of becoming. This applies both to 47

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

the processes of creation and perpetuation of established structures and to processes of transformation. Connell (1995, p 89) explains that life history gives a rich understanding of personal experience but may also relate it to social conditions, thus she describes biography as being ‘literally history’. Similarly, by employing the biographical lifecourse method and focusing on the narration of an individual’s life history, I endeavour to gain an insight into the social and cultural structures that produce mothering experiences within specific contexts (Iranian and Muslim). In this way, I emphasise the relationship between social structures and power, and women’s bodies through the analysis of individuals’ lives. Furthermore, biographical research provides a space for dialogue between the researcher and the participants, enabling individuals to narrate their own stories (O’Neill, 2010; Rosenthal 2004). Therefore, it provides a space for participants to construct new knowledge based on their experiences by recounting their own narrative. Moreover, biographical research, by undertaking a holistic approach (Miller, 2000, p 8) has the capacity to combine biology, psychology, and social and cultural dimensions, which is the other aim of this study. All interviews were audiotaped with the participant’s permission, and then subsequently transcribed and translated from Farsi to English. Chase (2011, p 422) states that detailed transcriptions improve the analysis of data by allowing the researcher to notice the storyteller’s linguistic practices and the influence of cultural discourses on their experiences and the way that she understands such discourses. Moreover, I kept a diary throughout the fieldwork. After finishing each interview, when I returned home, I tried to recall all details of the process, attempting to note down whatever was not otherwise recorded –​ including the location and general feel or mood of the interview, as well as my observations of the participant and any seemingly significant non-​verbal cues or changes in mood occurring during the recounting of her stories. I also did this when attending the Quran classes, noting (potential) participants’ reactions to me and the topic of my research after each session. The data analysis process began while preparing the data (listening to the tapes of interviews conducted in Farsi, and transcribing and translating all of the interviews into English). This then led into a more systematic analysis of the data. My thinking and analysis process continued in both languages, but the written form is presented English. This research was approved by Durham University’s ethics committee. In addition, I considered ethics as a continual process by following the ethical guidelines during the study and reflecting on issues of consent and risk for women in taking part. A consent form was given to all the participants, who were asked to sign it before interviews commenced. Both the confidentiality and anonymity of the participants were also carefully considered. For instance, I used pseudonyms when writing up the data, to protect the women’s identities. All the data, 48

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

including interview files, transcripts and my research diary, were kept securely on a computer protected by a password that only I knew. Most of the participants declared that I was the first person they had ever narrated these stories to, and that they felt peaceful after their interviews. However, whenever interviews made them sad and brought up a lot of emotions, or the participants that suggested they may benefit from counselling, I provided the details of a counsellor to them. This occurred in six cases.

Findings As all the participants believe that a successful woman is a good and proper mother and wife, I present here the expressions that the participants used to define ‘a proper mother’ and a ‘successful woman’. By exploring these narratives, I highlight normative gender expectations from the participants’ points of view. This may expand the understanding of the concepts of femininity and masculinity (Connell, 1995; Connell et al, 2005), and of gender relationships between men and women, and their relationship with shaping mothering as an interaction. The participants in this research negotiated the cultural meaning and symbols to not only understand the meaning of good mothering but also to perform mothering as an active practice. Zahra, who was 51 years old, had a Master’s degree in the philosophy of education, and was a manager in the education ministry. She had three adult children. For this interview, I met her in her workplace but then we went to her car, which was in the car park of her workplace, to have a private area for the interview. When I asked Zahra to explain the definition of a good mother, she said: ‘A good mother must be a good wife too. A good mother is a good mother and a good wife. I mean, (she) must be a woman, really be a woman and have femininity, and doesn’t want to have masculinity and do whatever men do. Must be a good mother and a good wife, do her “femininity job” well. A good mother must put her kids and husband first, not being selfish like some of the women in these days.’ From Zahra’s point of view, a good mother is a woman who fulfils her gender roles effectively. In addition, she described femininity as being in complete contrast to masculinity. Later, she expanded the definition of femininity when I asked her to explain what it is: ‘A woman doesn’t have to be a breadwinner; there is no need for her to earn money. She must just be a good mother and a good wife. But a man, in addition to being a good husband and a good father, has to be a breadwinner. He must earn money for his family. So, we can’t say 49

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

that a good woman is a woman who has a good job, or she is successful in her job, or earns lots of money, as it is not necessary for her to work outside of her house. She has to do the housework very well. I don’t mean that she, herself, must clean and sweep the house, or wash the dishes, but I mean that she has to manage the house affairs very well. She can employ a cleaner for this purpose, as it is her husband’s duty to pay for a cleaner.’ In Zahra’s definition, there is a distinct separation between femininity and masculinity. The life of a ‘proper woman’ and ‘proper man’, from her point of view, is predetermined according to their respective roles in society. Her household has been structured around a man as the breadwinner and a woman as the housewife and mother. Under Islam, the man is the breadwinner and responsible for the economics of the household. Women are responsible for bearing the children and doing the housework (Milstead, 1988). Shaditalab (2006) discusses the impact of Islamisation on gender relationships and gender roles in Iran after the Islamic Revolution in 1979. She explained that: The institution of the family has enhanced the notion of male guardianship in the household as well as in society and has developed the concept that the most important role for women is motherhood. Men’s duty is to facilitate women’s reproductive and nurturing roles; they are responsible for supporting their wives and receive economic subsidies, nafagheh (maintenance), to do so even when they earn an income. Women’s duties as good wives include the sexual gratification of their husbands, for which they are assured financial support in return. (Shaditalab, 2006, p 16) Zahra has understood the gendered socio-​cultural structure of the society in which she lives, which shapes her possibilities, and reveals the constraints placed upon her by the structure of gender relations. Then I asked about her ideas on the definition of a good mother: Interviewer: Zahra:

If you want to give a good explanation of a good mother, what would you say? What is a good mother? Who can be a mother? What does the term mean? I mean she must be nothing else than a mother, not being also a good employee. She has to be just a mother in order to be defined as a good mother.

Zahra considers a good mother to be a mother who practises and believes in ‘intensive mothering’ (Hays, 1996). She believes that to be a good mother 50

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

she needs to be responsible for all the caring (not only her children but also her husband) and self-​sacrificing. However, Zahra did not simply absorb these understandings of gender; she engaged with them at the same time and moved them forward. She later narrated that she deliberately had herself sterilised in order to continue her studies and get her Master’s degree. She also had a part-​time job. Zahra became pregnant when she was in the second term of her undergraduate degree, ‘God gave me my son and my daughter’. When she wanted to start her Master’s degree, she became pregnant for the third time. At that time, she realised that she could not be a ‘good mother’ and continue her studies while having more children. At first, she experienced a long period of depression, but then she decided on tubal ligation surgery in order to avoid having more children and to be able to continue her studies. Zahra explained that her husband accepted it as he had no other choice as she had had severe depression. Her agency is represented through manipulating and managing her body (sterilisation). Her dynamic embodiment takes shape through the interaction of gender order (domestic labour and taking care of children is the women’s responsibility) and her desire to continue her studies. She actively manipulated her body in order to reach her goal of continuing her studies. Therefore, in this example, the body shifts to a symbolic site for interaction between gender order and agency. Zahra perceived the meaning of mothering from the cultural perspective, as performing exceptional mothering responsibilities and housework, but her desired self could not be reduced to these social expectations of her as a mother. Therefore, she actively modified her body in order to gain her desired self –​an educated sterile woman. In addition, she accepted onlya part-​time job, in order to not completely reject the gender order. She did not accept, passively, the gendered socio-​cultural structure, but selected ways of modifying the constraints. It may be seen that her mothering is a social process that has been shaped through her agency, the gender order and her reflexive body technique. Moreover, Zahra’s experience is a good example of mothering as an embodied practice. Her experience presents mothering as a dynamic social interaction between socio-​cultural structures at the macro-​level and personal embodied responses to these normative structures at the micro-​level. In her experience, her body is both an object and the practice agency. She herself decided to undergo sterilisation surgery in order to be able to continue her studies. She created a pattern that indicates a reflexive body practice between her body and the gendered socio-​cultural structure by which she modified her body (Crossley, 2005, 2007). In reflexive body techniques, some techniques are picked up by an agent in order to develop the ‘self ’ (Crossley, 2006, p 108). However, the ‘self ’ has various definitions according to the way that agents describe it. In this example, Zahra as an embodied 51

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

agent sterilised herself to reach an educated self (her desired self). Sterilising may be considered as a reflexive embodiment technique by which Zahra achieved a reflexive distinction between ‘I’, ‘me’ and the embodied ‘self ’. In this process, she modified her body according to the meaning that she perceived from the cultural structure and the identity that she understood for being a good mother. She believed that she could not be a good mother if she continued her studies. For this reason, she sterilised herself to prevent herself from being a ‘bad mother’ while continuing her education. Drawing upon Connell (1995), gender division of labour is one dimension of the gender order. As most of the participants got married early, they mentioned being a mother, taking care of children and domestic labour as barriers to continuing their studies. For example, as Habibeh, who was 69 years old and who studied to the end of high school, but could not continue her studies in university, and was a nursery teaching assistant but at the time of interview was retired with three children and two grandchildren, explained: ‘Because of the housework and taking care of my children, I couldn’t study. I didn’t want to lessen the services I gave them. If I wanted to continue my studies, my children, my two older children, couldn’t study. So, I couldn’t be a good mum.’ Participants believed that domestic labour and taking care of children are a woman’s responsibility, and a good mother is a woman who can fulfil her responsibility well and sacrifice herself. In answering my question concerning whether or not they considered themselves to be a successful woman, most of the participants referred to their successin fulfilling their gender roles as being a self-​sacrificing mother and in expressing their femininity. Mahdieh, who was 51 years old with two children, believed she was not a successful woman, as she could not be a good mother due to not performing to her children’s expectations. She was a teacher in a public elementary school and had an undergraduate degree in teaching. While narrating her story, Mahdieh was not only crying, but was also picking at her cuticles while calling herself unsuccessful mother, in such a way that, at the end of the interview, two of her fingers were bleeding. She believed thet due to her job, she could not ‘take care of them enough’, and explained: ‘From the time that they were very small, they needed to warm up their food when they returned from their school. One day my daughter told me she wished I was a housewife and then would open the door for her whenever she returned from the school and the home would be full of food aroma.’ 52

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

Although Mahdieh breached the ideology of intensive mothering by being engaged in paid work, she felt guilt about leaving her children. Meanwhile, Zohreh, a 47-​year-​old housewife with a high-​school degree, two children and one grandchild, asserted that she was successful as she could ‘breed good children’. However, immediately after this, she added ‘but I lost my spirit’. Zohreh said that she did not originally want to get married or have a child but when she was forced to do so, she thought of the possible positive aspects, like having more freedom and escaping from her parents’ limitations, so this made it easier for her to accept getting married. ‘I always told myself I didn’t want to marry, and I didn’t consider it as an improvement in my life. Most of the time, I disagreed with what they said (parents and brothers) and had lots of quarrels. For instance, when they said a girl didn’t have to go even to the corner of the street for some shopping, I thought after going to husband’s house (marriage), I would do it and would go somewhere alone to surprise my mum! My brothers and sister always say I am different from them. They say I still like to improve. They say Zohreh likes to fly!’ Then she explained that, contrary to what she imagined, she lost all of her spirit after her marriage and being a mother. Before marriage, she knew herself as a happy girl who laughed a lot, but, after her marriage, she gradually changed and lost the will to laugh. Zeinab, who was 62 years old, described herself as a selfless woman ‘who always sacrificed herself for the family’. Zeinab was a part-​time company secretary with three children. She said: ‘From the time that I was young, I always put my children and my husband in first place, and I even put my sisters and brothers in first place as well. I can remember my mum, God bless her, once told me to do something for myself. But I didn’t. All of my life can be summarised in two words: my family. Thank God, now I have good and successful children. But to tell the truth, I myself felt I had lost my soul (crying), especially after my menopause. Now, these days I’m not in the mood to serve, or do anything, even for my children.’ Zeinab started her story by talking about being selfless. Overall, participants understood from cultural structures and their symbolism that a good woman is a selfless good mother and good wife, so they modified their identities and sometimes their bodies to appear selfless, so as not to be stigmatised. Eftekhar, who was 54 years old with Master’s degree in Islamic theology and was a teacher with two children, was the only participant who regarded herself as unsuccessful precisely due to her fulfilling expected gender roles, 53

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

identifying the reasons for this obedience in the historical context of her lived experiences as a wife during the Iran–​Iraq war: ‘I haven’t had any personal achievement, so I’m not successful. I lost my own life. I sacrificed myself and my life for my children and my husband, which, at that time, all the women acted the same way. My husband was a fighter in the frontline of the war, and I always thought it was my religious responsibility to be at his service and my children’s service, and devote myself to them. I thought that he was a fighter for Allah. I believe that all the women, like me, thought that it was our duty. We thought that we have to devote ourselves to our husbands and our children, in all of the situations, as we thought our husband might become a martyr. The fear of losing them was with us, and, you know, it’s very hard to tolerate this fear, especially in the first decade of one’s marriage. Moreover, we believed that they were fighting for Allah so if we wanted to be a good servant of God, we had to obey our husbands and be at their service. We believed that we had to sacrifice ourselves for our husbands and our children, otherwise we couldn’t be a good wife or mother but also we couldn’t be a good religious woman.’ The historical context is an important element of how the socio-​cultural structure of society shapes gender order. It shows that gender practices cannot be free of the historical structures within which they occur and the possibilities and constraints that they present, and so actors are not totally free. As Eftekhar said, women believed that it was their religious responsibility to dedicate themselves to Allah’s fighters (their husbands). This caused a strengthening of gender roles and of the gender order. And, as Eftekhar pointed out, during the war, these women experienced their lives as dominated by the fear of losing their husbands. This led to an increase in the subordination of the women. On the other hand, Eftekhar discloses her dissatisfaction with her situation, illustrating her agency against social structures. She did not consider her obedience towards the gender roles as being successful; rather, she viewed it in terms of her having lost control over her life.

Conclusion In this research, by employing biographical approach, I have obtained an insight into the socio-​political context that shapes the mothering experiences of Iranian women through their narratives. The biographical approach has also enabled me to highlight the meanings that have been ascribed to Iranian women’s experiences of mothering and its process 54

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

and thus to improve the breadth of coverage through a holistic view. All the participants believed in and practised intensive mothering. They all emphasised the importance of self-​sacrifice in being a good mother. By drawing on Crossley’s reflexive body techniques (2005) and Connell’s gender order theory (1987, 2012), this study explains the process that shapes the intensive mothering and the embodied response of Iranian women. I show that intensive mothering, in Iran, is not only part of the socio-​cultural expectations and norms but also legal discrimination shaped by the existing social policy. The women’s narratives also display mothering as an embodied practice. The participants practised agency in order to gain the desired self (an educated woman and a good mother) that has been defined by the cultural and socio-​political gendered hegemony of Iran. Participants such as Eftekhar understood from cultural structures and their symbolism that a good woman is a selfless good mother and good wife, so they modified their identity and their body to appear selfless so as not to be stigmatised. However, when they had the chance to re-​evaluate their lives (for example, during this biographical research), they became aware of the differences between socially proscribed gendered cultural selves and their actual desired selves. Their bodies, mind and desires engaged with the power that has been imposed on them through the cultural structure, and through reflexive body technique they shaped their sadness and depression, which Zohreh referred to as ‘losing her spirit’ or Zeinab as ‘losing her soul’. At the same time, they faced a cultural structure that defines good mothers with such highly intensive standards that even through self-​sacrifice, they could not achieve them. Thus, some of the participants such as Mahdieh blamed herself as not being a ‘good mother’. Previous research, mostly in western countries, has well documented the ideology of intensive mothering (Hays, 1996; Bobel, 2002; Shirani et al, 2012; Forbes et al, 2020; Adams, 2020). Also, Smyth and Craig (2017, p 11) have developed the ideology of intensive mothering by questioning the ideology of choice in a neoliberal era. They highlighted that intensive parenting, for Australian parents, has been formed by time and place and by dominant discourses that define ‘good parenting’ rather than being able to have an active choice. As explained in this chapter, Iranian women also practise intensive mothering like women in western countries. However, women in western countries experience intensive mothering due to neoliberal policies, individualisation and lack of social support (Elliott et al; Smyth and Craig, 2017). In western countries and the global north, neoliberalism covertly shapes the hyper-​responsible self and promotes the ideology of choice by denying the existence of limitations on human agency whilst also (tacitly) 55

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

imposing constraints on freedoms. (Baker, 2008), leading to the experience of intensive mothering and self-​blaming. In this research, Iranian women experienced self-​blaming as the result of the hyper-​responsible self. All the participants in this research mentioned that always put their children’s and husband’s needs first and sacrificed themselves for them, but at the same time blamed themselves for not being a good mother and felt responsible for the failure or success of their children without considering their socio-​economic limitations. Thus, Iranian women not only suffer from the effects of neoliberal policy but also from Islamic political discourse, which limits their identity to being a mother. By providing some examples from Islamic Criminal Law (Articles 10, 11 and 21) and speeches by the Supreme Leader, I have explained how social policy and norms force Iranian women to practise intensive mothering, leading to self-​sacrifice, a hyper-​responsible self and self-​blaming. This chapter explains that the ideology of intensive mothering and maternal practice is more pervasive and damaging on women who live in Iran compared with western countries . By introducing a type of intensive mothering that is imposed both covertly and overtly, and describing the embodied response of Iranian women, this study contributes to the concept of intensive mothering in non-​western contexts. References Adams, E.A. (2020) ‘Intensive parenting ideologies and risks for recidivism among justice-​involved mothers’, Women & Criminal Justice, 30(5), 316–​335. Afary, J. (2009) Sexual Politics in Modern Iran. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Alaedini, P. and Razavi, M.R. (2005) ‘Women’s participation and employment in Iran: a critical examination’, Critique: Critical Middle Eastern Studies, 14(1), 57–​73. Amini, E. and McCormack, M. (2021) ‘Older Iranian Muslim women’s experiences of sex and sexuality: a biographical approach’, British Journal of Sociology, 72(2), 300–​314. Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 1192–​1207. Baker, J. (2008) ‘The ideology of choice. Overstating progress and hiding injustice in the lives of young women: findings from a study in North Queensland, Australia’, Women’s Studies International Forum, 31(1), 53–​64. Bobel, C. (2002) The Paradox of Natural Mothering. Philadelphia, PA: Temple University. Bourdieu, P. (1984) Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste. Boston: Harvard University Press.

56

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

Bourdieu, P. (1990) The Logic of Practice. Redwood City, CA: Stanford University Press. Chamlou. N. (2021) ‘COVID-​19 depressed women’s employment everywhere, and more so in Iran’, Atlantic Council, [online] 29 April, available from https://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/iransource/covid-19-depressedwomens-employment-everywhere-and-more-so-in-iran/​ [Accessed 9 January 2022]. Chase, S.E. (2011) ‘Narrative Inquiry’, in N.K. Denzin and Y.S. Lincoln (eds) The SAGE Handbook of Qualitative Research, London, New Delhi and Thousand Oaks: Sage, pp 421–​434. Chodorow, N.J. (1989) Feminism and Psychoanalytic Theory, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Connell, R.W. (1987) Gender and Power: Society, The Person and Sexual Politics, Cambridge, UK: Polity Press. Connell, R.W. (1995) Masculinities, Cambridge, UK: Polity Press. Connell, R. (2012) ‘Gender, health and theory: conceptualizing the issue, in local and world perspective’, Social Science & Medicine, 74(11), 1675–​1683. Connell, R. and Pearse, R. (2015) Gender: In World Perspective, Cambridge, UK: Polity Press. Connell, R., Hearn, J. and Kimmel, M.S. (2005) ‘Introduction’, in M.S. Kimmel, J. Hearn and R.W. Connell (eds) Handbook of Studies on Men and Masculinities, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, pp 1–​13. Crossley, N. (2001) The Social Body: Habit, Identity and Desire, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Crossley, N. (2005) ‘Mapping reflexive body techniques: on body modification and maintenance’, Body & Society, 11(1), 1–​35. Crossley, N. (2006) Reflexive Embodiment in Contemporary Society: The Body in Late Modern Society, London: McGraw-​Hill Education (UK). Crossley, N. (2007) ‘Researching embodiment by way of “body techniques’’’, The Sociological Review, 55(suppl 1), 80–​94. Elliott, S., Powell, R. and Brenton, J. (2015) ‘Being a good mom: low-​ income, black single mothers negotiate intensive mothering’, Journal of Family Issues, 36(3), 351–​370. Erel, U. (2007). ‘Constructing meaningful lives: Biographical methods in research on migrant women’, Sociological Research Online, 12(4), 35–48. Firestone, S. (1970) The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution, London: Verso Books. Forbes, L.K., Donovan, C. and Lamar, M.R. (2020) ‘Differences in intensive parenting attitudes and gender norms among US mothers’, The Family Journal, 28(1), 63–​71. Gheytanchi, E. (2001) ‘Civil society in Iran: politics of motherhood and the public sphere’, International Sociology, 16(4), 557–​576.

57

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Glenn, E.N. (1994) ‘Social constructions of mothering: a thematic overview’, in E.N. Glenn, G. Chang and L.R. Forcey (eds) Mothering: Ideology, Experience, and Agency, New York: Routledge, pp 1–​29. Hays, S. (1996) The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Karami, A. (2012) ‘Khamenei on Population Control: “May God and History Forgive Us”’, Al-​Monitor, [online] 17 October, available from https://​ www.al-​moni​tor.com/​origin​als/​2012/​al-​moni​tor/​iran-​pop​ulat​ion-​cont​ rol.html [Accessed 9 January 2022]. Karamouzian, M., Sharifi, H. and Haghdoost, A.A. (2014) ‘Iran’s shift in family planning policies: concerns and challenges’, International Journal of Health Policy and Management, 3(5), 231. Khamenei.IR (2020) ‘A sensitive job that builds the future’, Hawzah News Agency [online], 27 July 2020, available from https://​en.haw​zahn​ews. com/​news/​361​100/​A-​sensit​ive-​job-​that-​bui​lds-​the-​fut​ure [Accessed 9 January 2022]. Khamenei.IR (2007) ‘The warm center of the family’, Khamenie.ir, [online] 10 November 2007, available from https://​farsi.khame​nei.ir/​spe​ech-​cont​ ent?id=​21429 [Accessed 10 January 2022]. Khamenei.IR (2012) ‘Leader’s speech at 3rd strategic thoughts forum’, Khamenei.ir [online], available from https://​engl​ish.khame​nei.ir/​news/​ 1575/​Lea​der-​s-​Spe​ech-​at-​3rd-​Strate​g ic-​Thoug​hts-​Forum [Accessed 10 January 2022]. Khodakarami, N., Hashemi, S., Sedigh, S., Hamideh, M, and Taheripanah, R. (2010) ‘Life experience with infertility: a phenomenological study’, Journal of Reproduction and Infertility, 10(4), 287–​297. Khomeini (1979) ‘The real status and dignity of a woman’, imam-​ khomeini.ir, [online], available from http://​ w ww.imam-​ k home​ i ni. i r / ​ f a / ​ C 2 0 ​ 7 _ ​ 4 2 ​ 3 6 9 / ​ _ ​ % d 9 % 8 5 % d 9 % 8 2 % d 8 % a 7 % d 9 % 8 5 _​ % d 9 % 8 8 _ ​ % d 9 % 8 5 % d 9 % 8 6 % d 8 % b 2 % d 9 % 8 4 % d 8 % a a _​ %d8%ad%d9%82%db%8c%d9%82%db%8c_​%d8%b2%d9%86%20#page​ 339 [Accessed 9 January 2022]. King, A., Almack, K. and Jones R.L. (2019) Intersections of Ageing, Gender, Sexualities: Multidisciplinary International Perspectives, Bristol: Policy Press. Mazaheri, E., Ghahramanian, A., Valizadeh, L., Zamanzadeh, V. and Onyeka, T.C. (2021) ‘Disrupted mothering in Iranian mothers with breast cancer: a hybrid concept analysis’, BMC Women’s Health, 21(1), 1–​17. Merrill, B. and West, L. (2009) Using Biographical Methods in Social Research. London, Thousand Oaks and New Delhi: Sage. Miller, R. L. (2000) Researching Life Stories and Family Histories. London, New Delhi and Thousand Oaks: Sage. Milstead, B. (1988) ‘Feminist theology and women in the Muslim world: an interview with Riffat Hassan’, Feminist Theology, 4(4), 16–20. 58

Mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women

Moghadam, V.M. (2004) ‘Patriarchy in transition: women and the changing family in the Middle East’, Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 35(2), 137–​162. Moghasemi, S., Ozgoli, G., Ahmadi, F. and Simbar, M. (2018) ‘Sexual experience of Iranian women in their middle life: a qualitative approach’, International Journal of Community Based Nursing and Midwifery, 6(1), 47. Mohammadi, N., Shamshiri, M., Mohammadpour, A., Vehviläinen-​ Julkunen, K., Abbasi, M. and Sadeghi, T. (2015) ‘“Super-​mothers”: the meaning of mothering after assisted reproductive technology’, Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 33(1), 42–​53. Najmabadi, A. (1991) ‘Hazards of modernity and morality: women, state and ideology in contemporary Iran’, in D. Kandiyoti (ed) Women, Islam and the State, London: Palgrave Macmillan, pp 48–​76. Najmabadi, A. (1993) ‘Veiled discourse –​unveiled bodies’, Feminist Studies, 19(3), 487–​518. Nurse, L. (2013) ‘Biographical approach in the study of identities of ethnic minorities in Eastern Europe’, in J.D. Turk and A. Mrozowicki (eds) Realist Biography and European Policy: An Innovative Approach to European Policy Studies. Leuven, Belgium: Leuven University Press, pp 115–​140. Oakley, A. (2019) From Here to Maternity: Becoming a Mother. Bristol: Bristol University Press. O’Neill, M. (2010) Asylum, Migration and Community. Bristol: Policy Press. O’Neill, M. and Giddens, S. (2001) ‘Not all the time… but mostly….’, Feminist Review, 67(1), 109–​110. Paidar, P. (1997) Women and the Political Process in Twentieth-​Century Iran (vol. 1), Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Plummer, K. (1995) Telling Sexual Stories: Power, Change and Social Worlds. Milton Keynes: Routledge. Rahbari, L. (2019) ‘Marriage in Iran: women caught between Shi’i and state law’, Electronic Journal of Islamic and Middle Eastern Law (EJIMEL), 7, 37–​48. Rezai-​Rashti, G.M. (2011) ‘Iranian women’s increasing access to higher education but limited participation in the job market’, Middle East Critique, 20(1), 81–​96. Roberts, B. (2002) Biographical Research, Milton Keynes: Open University Press. Rosenthal, G. (2004) ‘Biographical research’, in C. Seale, G. Gobo, J. F. Gubrium and D. Silverman (eds) Qualitative Research Practice, London: Sage, pp 48–​64. Shaditalab, J. (2006) ‘Islamization and gender in Iran: is the glass half full or half empty?’, Signs, 32(1), 14–​21. Shirani, F., Henwood, K. and Coltart, C. (2012) ‘Meeting the challenges of intensive parenting culture: gender, risk management and the moral parent’, Sociology, 46(1), 25–​40.

59

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Smyth, C. and Craig, L. (2017) ‘Conforming to intensive parenting ideals: willingness, reluctance and social context’, Families, Relationships and Societies, 6(1), 107–​124. United Nations (2017) Available from https://​data.un.org/​Data.aspx?d=​ POP&f=​tableC​ode%3A28 [Accessed 9 January 2022].

60

3

Exploration of mothering and shifting identities in Kenya Fibian Lukalo

Introduction In their article ‘Long-​distance mothering in urban Kenya’, the authors conclude that, with rapid urbanisation, many female migrants will move into urban areas, with their families, seeking employment (Cotton and Beguy, 2020). This article, based on research from two informal settlements in Nairobi, Kenya, shows that the fate of children’s lives is an urgent policy concern surrounding female migration and mothering. Echoing this view, African feminist scholars have argued for the need to give voice to the varied yet nuanced richness of African women’s lives, while at the same time acknowledging the commonalities they share (Heugh, 2011). As Bunwaree observes ‘For African feminists, rethinking diversity entails a new political and theoretical engagement with women’s multiple identities and social positions’ (Bunwaree, 2004, p 154). Some commonalities that women face in the course of their lives include caring, nurturing, observing, working, becoming mothers and/​or mothering children in diverse family contexts (Clark et al, 2017; Gaydosh, 2019; Cotton, 2021). However, less is known about African women themselves and the specificities of social-​mothering practices in these varied familial and community backgrounds. Often absent is an understanding and conceptualisation of African women’s lives through their biographies, which form a central aspect of understanding society (Steady, 1981; Ogundipe-​ Leslie, 1994; Imam et al, 1997; Mikell, 1997). This chapter devotes itself to the reconstruction of a single mother’s biography, grounded in qualitative data obtained from analysis of her life narrative. Qualitative methods are used because they enable mothers’ voices to be discernible and further advance knowledge about social mothering as a concept. Melodi (a pseudonym), the mother in focus, is part of the ‘mama nguo’ female labour force offering a washing/​ laundry service, who live predominantly in informal settlements and provide services to middle-​and upper-​class families in Nairobi. While recognising the overwhelming poverty where Melodi lives, positionality, 61

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

power relations and representation, all related to reflexivity, are discussed within the specificities of African feminist research and biographical interviewing. The focus on Melodi’s life –​belonging, doing, being, and becoming a mother –​are influenced by social cultural norms related to social ​mothering in the Abaluhya culture, to which she belongs (Wandibba, 1997). The interconnectedness of individual life narratives, the role of agency and structure in everyday life, and how these enable an understanding of social mothering, provide significant insights into the challenges inherent in Melodi’s life. At the same time, changing African family bonds, informality and the dynamics of change through urbanisation inform the discussion. This chapter builds upon work by African feminist scholars who argue that mothering is socially constructed as ideal for the prosperity of society (Steady 1981; Ogundipe-​Leslie, 1994; Oyewumi, 1997). The term social mothering is used to frame an understanding of how African mothers actively pursue strategies to care for and nurture their biological children and any other children who need their support. The analysis foregrounds the Abaluhya1 patriarchal culture, a context of urban informality and social norms surrounding social mothering, which frames it as the preserve and role of women (Steady, 1981; Silberschmidt, 1999). The arguments find traction in the idea that, in varied cultures, African mothers assume social-​mothering interactions, practices and discourses with a diversity of children from within their extended families/​kinship networks who depend upon them (Cotton and Beguy, 2020; Lukalo, 2021). This diversity in family structures and mothering practices arises from differing marital arrangements and social norms enacted through culture, kinship ties, fostering, reciprocity rules and guardianship (Serpell, 1993; Swadener et al, 2000; Nyamnjoh, 2002; Poluha, 2004). The biographical approach used reflects my African feminist conviction that social mothering is a critical place to begin the process of understanding African mothers’ experiences.

Social mothering: exploring the communal and relational world of mothers African feminists scholars such as Ogundipe-L ​ eslie (1994), Oyewumi (1997) and Steady (1981) have emphasised the intersecting nature of cultural factors, gender, collective experiences and agency in fashioning the tools used for mothering. In these circumstances, the role of socialisation and acculturation for children (important aspects of the mothering role) is generally delegated to the extended family and those who are not necessarily their biological mothers (Bradely et al, 1997; Cotton, 2021). These carers, many of them other women, simultaneously adapt to a multiplicity of roles from their

62

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

relational worlds as grandmothers, mothers/​aunts (maternal or paternal), female kin and general carers of many children (Goody, 1982; Kilbride and Kilbride, 1990). Family formation and quality of life become significant in understanding these mothering decisions and roles (Oluwagbemiga, 2017). Thus, the space for mothering becomes broadened, variable, complicated and socially constructed, involving shifting degrees of care and responsibilities for various groups of children. Here, mothering is seen as not alienating, insofar as the presence and labour of a mother or other woman is central to her children’s welfare and family’s survival (Bradely et al, 1997; Swadener et al, 2000; Cotton, 2019). It is important not to oversimplify the mother–​child relationship or the child–​kinship relationship, particularly for those mothers living in urban poverty contexts who require continuous support for their children (Cotton and Beguy, 2020). These urban contexts of informality and converging dynamics offer spaces for raising children that are economically variegated and brimming with intercultural flux (Lourenço-​Lindell, 2002). Nnaemeka (1998) states that, despite social changes; mothering in Africa is structured through gender-​specific experiences, and is an extension of women’s identities. Mothering is identified and defined in a number of ways, but it generally involves a cultural context, set of beliefs, and social norms and values that make up the contextual fabric of socially constructed norms that inform mothering practices among communities of peoples (Goody, 1982; Alber, 2004). This communal nature and complex roles that accompany mothering practices throughout Africa lend further weight to the conceptualisation of social mothering (Ogundipe-​ Leslie, 1994; Lukalo, 2021). For example, Lukalo (2021, pp 158–​159) focuses on the placement of children in various African families in rural and highly patriarchal communities to analyse mothering experiences, noting that symbolic and material resources that ease social mothering are socially and emotionally specific to cultural norms and values that aid the affirmation of social mothering in these contexts. Social mothering goes beyond public displays of care for all children, and delves into the private, subjective, moral and ethical dilemmas faced by mothers when caring for a multiplicity of children, some of whom are known as ‘unwanted’ children. In nurturing these children, mothers search deep within their families, kin and extended relational network for safety zones where the child will thrive. In Kenya, the silence surrounding mothering experiences in dealing with ‘unwanted’ children downplays the psychological trauma, torment and subjectivities that social mothering broadly serves. Exploring social mothering therefore exposes immense (interlinking) emotive, cultural and social tensions that often remain concealed in diverse accounts of African women’s mothering practices

63

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

In this complex terrain of childcare arrangements, mothering is stretched to a form of cultural work, hence representing what Ogundipe-​Leslie (1994) called ‘social mothering’ and Collins (1994) terms ‘other mothering’. Ogundipe-​Leslie (1994) recognises that a mother’s care work is a site of constantly renegotiated relationships encouraging particular constellations of social-​mothering practices. These practices challenge patriarchal control over childcare and have roots in the traditional African world view (Kolawale, 1997; Mutongi, 2007). The tradition of social mothering allows families and mothers to find new opportunities for childcare arrangements, knowing that their children are cared for by people they trust. Consequently, the practice of social mothering symbolically increases women’s significance, visibility and status within African societies, and make social mothering a foundational component of the African feminist standpoint (Wane, 2000). African feminist researchers give voice to women through methods that defy simple quantitative studies and encourage the articulation of previously unavailable narratives. In focusing on the biographies of African mothers, historically silenced voices are validated and shifted from the margins to the centre of critical inquiry.

Methods This research was guided by a qualitative hermeneutic phenomenological approach, inspired by Heidegger’s construct of Dasien (the authentic meaning of being) (Heidegger, 1962, p 62). Heidegger describes lifeworld experiences as being contextual, and elucidates a close linkage between individuals and their everyday worlds (Moran, 2001). Anderson (1991, p 29) describes critical questions asked in hermeneutic research as reflecting ‘the way in which the researcher views the world’, through which meaning is constructed dialectically (p 32). The use of Heidegger’s phenomenology offered a fruitful avenue for incorporating an African feminist framework that connected the phenomenon, its context and application to explore the meaning of the lived experience of social mothering through the biography of a mother. Experience is regarded as a source of knowledge in feminist scholarship, and becomes a way in which feminist scholars gather data that prioritise women’s lives (Imam et al, 1997). As an African mother myself, this combination of phenomenology and African feminism enabled a critical stance on reflexivity, the ‘process of continuously reflecting on the interpretations of my personal experiences and phenomena being studied so as to move beyond the partiality of my previous understandings’ (Finlay, 2008, p 108). Three components of African feminist research relevant to this work –​representation, power relations and positionality –​all relate to aspects of reflexivity in researching mothers’ lives, and, in this case, a mother’s biography (Mikell, 1997). 64

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

The methodology was guided by van Manen’s ‘moments of seeing’ (van Manen, 2007, p 12). Therefore, how Melodi made sense of the experience of social mothering and transformed that experience into consciousness and shared meanings through her biography was important. In this research, I concentrated on one mother, a decision that was determined by her availability and the constraints of the COVID-19 pandemic. The research process was structured into two phases. First, I pursued Melodi’s broader childhood biography and its connections to social mothering. Through this, the broad thematic understanding of social mothering as creating boundaries was generated. ‘These life narratives were collected in 2019’, over a period of six months, due to the availability of the participant. As an informal worker, the interview dates were guided by her availability as maintaining her clientele was a priority. During these six months, I found complex intertwined patterns, descriptions of subjectivity and identity construction and reconstruction that yielded a deep knowledge and cultural standpoints on social mothering. The second phase took place in 2021, which benefitted from the earlier phase, and further advanced the descriptions of a number of concrete experiences of social mothering in depth. The collection of narratives over two phases offered moments of ‘seeing meaning’ (van Manen, 1997, p 182). The methodology was guided by that described by van Manen (1997), using descriptions of mothering as a lived experience obtained through an in-​ depth biography of one mother.

Reconstructing childhood: creating boundaries and understanding the self The task for me as a researcher was to understand those boundaries and connections with Melodi’s life narrative, while accepting and understanding the shifts, complexity, fluidity, emotions, intensity and value of her life narrative. Life narratives may reveal personal histories in which the practice and agency of social mothering are hollowed-​out or disempowered. In turn, different spaces, encompassing diverse emotions, feelings and perceptions of being in particular circumstances, may also provide different challenges to social mothering in everyday life (Lukalo, 2021). I first met Melodi in 2018, when she worked at a neighbouring residence offering ‘mama nguo’ (laundry and hand wash) domestic services. Later, in 2019, when the neighbour moved out, Melodi inquired whether I needed washing services. I declined, but she requested that she work at least once a week, in order to get food for her children. I learnt that she lived in the Kibera informal settlement and was a mother to six young children (three girls and three boys) and fostered one girl. In her own words “God balanced me out in my 3–​3 children”. 65

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Although these semi-​structured interviews centred on the subject of social mothering, they took the form of extended conversations in which Melodi often took control of the direction narrative by inserting specific sequences, which are presented throughout this chapter. My home environment (where the interviews took place) offered Melodi in her own words “some peace” and I (the interviewer) “some safety”, as Melodi lived in Gatwekera, one of the most dangerous villages in Kibera. Melodi was in her late 40s when she was interviewed, and raised in a monogamous family living in a rural village in Busia County. While her father worked in Nairobi as a guard, she and her two brothers lived with their grandmother in rural Busia. Melodi was the only daughter and a middle child. At the time of the interview, her mother was alive but her father had died in 2017. When Melodi was a child, her grandmother took responsibility for caring and nurturing her three grandchildren. Corresponding to the definition by Cotton and Beguy (2020), Melodi’s mother was engaged in ‘long-​distance mothering’ from Nairobi, although Melodi confirms that her mother did not make much contact nor provide financial or emotional support to her children: ‘School? … We never missed anything, my father would send us books and pay school fees, so we never really missed going to school. But, clothes [hesitation noted] those ones he would buy when we visited Nairobi. I was a clever girl, great at sports, coming number 3 to 6, and never passing number 10 in our class. But our school was in the bush and in a very backward (marginalised) area. I hardly heard from my mother, nor did she visit us in the village, it was always my father who did everything … I missed out terribly as a girl.’ The mother–​daughter relationship between Melodi and her mother was suggestive of strain or was simply non-​existent. Melodi could not depend on her mother for nurture or care, especially as she grew older and questioned her identity, self-​worth and self-​esteem. This mother–​ daughter bond remains central to social mothering in the African cultural context, but may be one of the most conflicting and polarising bonds, with significant effects on a daughter’s coping skills, work and resilience (Liljeström, 2004; Stephens, 2007). Melodi’s grandmother was the main female role model that she grew up knowing. Hence any mothering practices that Melodi learned were from her grandmother. Melodi’s views and experiences redefined in her young mind the role of a good mother and good mothering practices. Lacking these, and with low-​self-​esteem, Melodi’s life spiralled out of control. However, her life narrative deflected attention away from the role of the extended family and social support in nurturing and caring for her. 66

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

Creating boundaries Riessman (2008) observed: ‘Like all stories, it is selective and perspectival, reflecting the power of memory to remember, forget, neglect, and amplify moments in the stream of experience’ (Riessman, 2008, p 29). At 12 years old (in 1984), Melodi became a ‘mtoto mama’ (child mother). She described the pregnancy as “long and arduous for a child”, and the two months that her daughter was alive was described as “mateso” (suffering). This section of her biography was the first of many that shaped Melodi’s complicated experiences of resilience in the context of social mothering. Here, traumatic complex boundaries between motherhood and mothering are created in her young mind in relation to a multiplicity of strenuous experiences. Melodi states: ‘I didn’t know what was happening to my body, it was puzzling. I thought I had a worm infestation in my stomach, things crawled there … friends laughed at me, teachers’ ridiculed me … I was chased away from school.’ Melodi had little control over her growing body, which changed her identity from ‘mtoto’ (child) to ‘mtoto mama ‘ (child mother). Melodi draws a connection between her transformed body and her sense of self as she relates and makes sense of the contradictions in her body. Rejection takes on meaning and becomes central to her experience of motherhood. For Melodi, motherhood involved repudiation and had a lasting effect on her young body. Mothering meant adjusting her mind to accommodate the physical presence of a child, testing her resilience, and developing self-​ coping strategies. On the connections between mothering and the notion of self, Melodi states: ‘I gave birth. I didn’t even have breasts, I didn’t know what to do with the baby, it was all too much … I felt like I had lost a part of myself … it was me and my grandmother alone … but no more sneers, I fought back in my small way.’ Mothering was overwhelming; Melodi felt more vulnerable after the birth of her daughter; in her own words: “I had lost a part of myself … but no more sneers”. Experiencing pregnancy was challenging due to the intense public glare and cultural expectations ascribed to a child of her age, while mothering, although stressful, took place within the private confines of her grandmother’s homestead, where she could exercise some level of autonomy: “I stayed indoors, no-​one came looking for me …”. In these private confines, she felt a level of control. The pre-​birth events were in the 67

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

public gaze; however, the process of mothering her daughter was confined and secluded. This made Melodi feel uncertain about mothering. Although she felt accepted at home, teen mothering was not accepted in public places. From this childhood biographical account of mothering, Melodi summarises her experience as: “I buried it. Even my children do not know I had a baby or that it had died after two months”. Frank (1995, p 98) notes that distance from an event facilitates narration: ‘for a person to gain such a reflexive grasp of her own life, distance is a prerequisite’. Distancing herself from the birth event, and the consequences of repudiated mothering, provided Melodi with a sense of safety and reduced the risk of negative disclosures to her other children. Melodi’s descriptions of the traumatic experience of mothering included: ‘Living away from my mother, my grandmother’s absent too … the doctors were scared for me … a very tiny baby! … I didn’t know what to do, I kept pinching my breasts until I felt pain. I had no one to turn to. My grandmother prepared cow milk, water for the baby and medicinal herbs for when she was sick. I didn’t know anything, feeding, bathing, changing clothes, nothing –​I was truly a child and a village girl. I was lost in it all, and it made me not feel anything … the child died after two months of a chest cold. Looking back (heavy sigh) … I never used to keep her warm … I want to forget it ever happened.’ What is significant about this experience in Melodi’s life? This experience formed the basis of how she viewed herself as a girl, woman and later a mother. Perhaps it was the association of being ostracised and ignored in her family and her community as a result of the cultural discourse surrounding teen pregnancy. This lack of parental and community support negatively affected Melodi’s self-​esteem and she wanted to forget it. Examining this section further, I noted that Melodi’s narration of her mothering experiences of her first baby, almost 35 years later in 2019, shows how withdrawn she was to what was going on around her at the time of the event. Writing this piece does not sufficiently capture the emotional difficulties and the time it took for Melodi to open up about her past, unhappy mothering. Her narration depicted her struggles emotionally with her sense of self, as a child. “I was a child” is a phrase that was repeated often during this phase of the narrative. The narration of this mothering transition in the biography was problematic and disclosed trauma (Denzin, 1989a, 1989b). Melodi distanced herself from the baby, and the practical tasks and responsibilities that shaped her mothering, stating: “I didn’t want anything to do anything for the baby”. The young Melodi did not feel confident or capable in her mothering abilities, as in her words: “… the only thing I now know is that I never cared well for that baby. She cried a lot, and died 68

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

of cold. My grandmother too wasn’t keen either, always making herbs for her instead of milk”. Melodi’s description of an unsupportive family and kin intersects with her experiences of repudiated social mothering, raising questions about the absence or roles of social mothering in her family and cultural context. Referring to her extended family, kin and neighbours, Melodi claims she did not receive much assistance: ‘My case was so different. I was the laughing stock of the village, everyone was in shock, how can a child raise a baby? Maybe my grandmother got some financial assistance, I don’t know, but for me everyone shunned me and kept off our homestead, even my mother, she said she was appalled. Everyone except the staff from the hospital. I got some clothes and medicine for the baby from them.’ The mothering experience that Melodi endured emphasises the complexities inherent in African families, communities and social norms concerning childbearing age. In the two-​month interval between the birth and death of her daughter, Melodi became a mother, but did not actualise the bond between mother and child: “I was still overwhelmed and anxious with what was happening to my body”. Was Melodi distancing herself from her baby the same way that her mother had treated her? In critical discussions about mothering, the focus is often on the practices and responsibilities, but here Melodi shows the interconnected nature of emotional, social and physical health in mothers’ lives and how social mothering is defined by women and is purposeful. Emotional care and support stand out as necessary social-​mothering values that her mother does not offer (Lukalo, 2021). This foundational environment and early motherhood experience shape and inform Melodi’s biographical reconstruction of social mothering in later life. Nevertheless, after the death of her baby, she recalls: ‘… all girls in my class became pregnant, none sat for the national examinations, [tongue click], instead they visited me secretly asking me what it felt like being pregnant, giving birth and caring for a baby. You see, many were like me, ignorant … they asked me so how long a baby sleep? Silly questions! Does the umbilical cord hold? Did you sleep with the baby? Did you take long to heal? How did your body feel? … I was a child.’ Coffey (1999) argues that an (auto)biographical approach may be a valuable way of revisiting aspects of our lives from a distance. Melodi’s interaction with her peers may be inferred from the context of her past, and shows that social mothering experiences ought to be understood as being rooted in and arising from a socio-​cultural reality that includes where she lives, how 69

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

she lives, her bodily and sensory experiences, and the perception that other girls held of her. Melodi exercises agency when she offers her peers insights about caring for a child, and, in those circumstances, values her self-​worth. Her fellow female schoolmates devalued her previously, discriminating against her when she was pregnant. Yet her classmates secretly seeking out her advice was a form of perseverance that paid off: “… for them they could hide and ask me these questions, for me I had been all alone”. An important question to ask here is what mothering information or experience could a child (Melodi) pass on to other children? Revealing the multilayered textures of Melodi’s biography was meaningful in allowing her to articulate the complex intersections of childhood, as related to schooling, gender, sexuality and culture, which are key dimensions of her biography. Using African feminist research facilitates greater focus on Melodi’s mothering, including her perceptions and interpretations of cultural contexts that provided her with the means to challenge dominant representations of social mothering and the importance of power (Iman et al, 1999). Using her past as a decisive phase of biographical change and reflection allowed Melodi to repudiate her traumatic childhood struggles and highlighted the effect it had on her identity and harbouring of the self. This phase was not merely a representation of her life, but rather an active process of recollection of aspects of her biographical history in which Melodi made and re-​made sense of who and what she was. For instance, when discussing her age, the lack of support from her mother and the rural context she lived in, Melodi juxtaposed two phrases –​“I was young/​a child” and “I was a village girl” –​ highlighting the physical and material realities of where she lived, complications of her experience and sense of loss. In this way, this part of her biographical memory is not a discrete entity but is rather depicted as acts and imaginings or ‘the products of a conscious being bringing to mind what is not present’ (Freeman, 1993, p 89). Nonetheless, these biographical interconnections to childhood are complicated, depicting the detachment and risks faced by Melodi throughout her life. Some key differences are discernible between these initial social-​ mothering experiences and later in Melodi’s marital experiences. Initially Melodi is powerless, vulnerable and lacks a voice. Her silence situates her biography within the largely muted educational policy discourse of teenage pregnancies in Kenya. This part of the narration was jumbled and contained many unanswered gaps, and contrasted with the command that characterised Melodi’s narration of her married life. This narration was more sequenced and resolute. In her married life, we meet a tenacious Melodi forging a living from a tough informal settlement and single-​ handedly caring for her six biological children and one foster daughter. Melodi may have learnt from her grandmother’s resilience, her experiences of coping alone and social mothering. Over time and as a growing woman, 70

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

the strengthening of Melodi’s knowledge of mothering shifts towards social mothering in relation to varying positions of power and socio-​cultural practices expected of her.

Social mothering in informal urban environments The importance accorded to African social-​m othering practices by family, kinship and networks brings us to recognise its significance. Social mothering both shapes and is shaped by everyday experiences that involve caring for and nurturing of children (Mutongi, 2007; Lukalo, 2021). Melodi grew up in a socially deprived rural context with her siblings and grandmother until the age of 17 in 1989 when she got married. She describes it as follows: ‘When it happened [the pregnancy], I was young … I spent all that time doing house chores and helping my grandmother, with the farming, she said she was preparing me to be a good wife for a good man … You see these hands, I could prepare and till the land, my crops grew very well, my harvest was plenty, I fetched water and firewood. But that was it.’ Motherhood was a death knell on schooling for Melodi, and indeed condemned many young girls to a life of misery. One way out of this misery was through early marriage. Marriage offered Melodi the means to regain her self-​worth, identity and the ability to be herself again. I probed Melodi on the issue of consenting to the marriage as she was underage at the time. Her response revealed the turmoil in her life and a deep-​seated uncertainty about her future. The rural poverty context was overwhelming, and acted as a stimulus for Melodi to migrate to an urban informal poverty context, which offered relief, albeit a tentative one. ‘How will I start? Where will I start? [Long pauses]. I learnt a lot in a short time, life in the village had ravaged me, I was desperate and poor people always answer“yes” to everything, hoping that life after that “yes” will be better or at least colourful from what they are seeing … I couldn’t go back to school, I was tired of the hardships, I wasn’t happy and I didn’t want to get married near my home, I was stuck!’ Melodi summarises the account of her life growing up as ‘desperate’. Her past experience offered her the opportunity to see, feel and learn the value of being self-​aware and appreciate the energy and demands of mothering. The phrase “I learnt a lot” points to the insights she had gained through actively reflecting on her situation; of what being alone and mothering meant to 71

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

her. Accordingly, starting married life in Nairobi was initially challenging, but it was an exit from her nothingness. ‘Kibera’s very dangerous, isn’t like living in the village … I asked myself, how would I live or survive? How would I raise my children? Deep inside, I knew I would succeed, what could be worse? Also Seth [husband] lived there working as a mechanic … I could rely on him for safety. I was ready for children, because by that time, I knew what family planning was … see my first-​born son was born in 1991; then a daughter in 1994; another in 2000; a boy in 2005; a boy in 2010 and my last-​born girl in 2012. Truly [laughs], Melodi had not slept in class, I have learnt and known how to care for my children and survive in Kibera.’ The exigencies of insecurity, work, a limited income and family might be seen as antithetical to the cultivation of good mothering practices, and emphasise the intricacies of social mothering in Kibera, where public services are limited. Social mothering demands great responsibilities; key among them the welfare and security of her children. The phrase “Kibera’s very dangerous” illustrates the difficulties associated with social mothering in general and the need to employ techniques that work specifically for her children. Further, acknowledging “what could be worse” shows her readiness to cope. For Melodi, her ideas about social mothering have evolved, “I started with cloth napkins for babies, until I used Pampers … I guarded my children … now we guard each other”. This shift in social-​mothering practices from conventional caring for children to the family’s overall wellbeing and safety is important to the emotional growth that Melodi goes through. Listening to Melodi narrating her marital life allowed me a glimpse into her situation and deepened my understanding of the context of social mothering. Situated stability in Melodi’s narrative: 1990–​2005 In agreement with Imam et al (1997), the experiences and narratives of African women are diverse. Despite their differences, connections and similarities are often evident in African women’s narratives because of comparable challenges. When asked to give an account of her social-​ mothering experiences in Kibera, Melodi responded in this way: ‘From 1990 to 2005, I became a mother of four children, Seth catered well for all our needs. In 1991, for my first son, it was all rejoicing and caring for our only child, I fed him Cerelac [baby food formula], he was always clean and smart … three years later our daughter was born, 72

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

oh [laughter] the dresses and hairstyles I made for her! I was a good mother … Seth didn’t want his children unattended to, especially his son who is named after him, so I stayed at home full-​time and brought up the children. Kibera had many welfare women’s groups who taught us about children and family matters … I learnt many things; we shared a lot about our children.’ This narrative revealed a sense of maturity, self-​growth and belonging on Melodi’s part. In caring for her children, Melodi crossed the boundary that had once limited and defined her understanding of herself, social mothering and her life. Further, it initially structured the work that she could do through here gender-​specific experience of mothering full-​time. Herein was a world of potential: “I was a good mother” meant determination and taking on personal responsibilities and recognising the role of agency (women’s groups) in enhancing her mothering practices. Interacting and hearing from other mothers prepares Melodi to share and build mothering communities that support social-​mothering, and acknowledges their rights as mothers to live with respect: “My child was the other mother’s child, was our child, we watched out for each other’s children”. This interaction facilitated learning and trusting of other mothers, which guided Melodi in mothering her own children. Hence, the advancement towards collective social mothering, as shown in Melodi’s words; relationships and relatedness are cultivated and culturally constructed to aid agentive social-​mothering practices in Kibera. Melodi recognises the importance of reciprocity in caring and being available for young mothers from the village as she was once cared for: ‘… as a young mother from the village, I benefitted enormously from other mothers who had lived in Kibera for long in matters of health, safety, clothes, food and schooling; together we raised our children … my child was your child. Nowadays, I am that mother who cares for the village mother who arrives here from the rural area … [laughs heartily].’ In 1994, Melodi’s eldest daughter was born. At this time, her first born son was 3 years old and attended a daycare centre in Kibera. ‘For daycare, I used to prepare his food and his father would take him there, at lunchtime, a neighbour would bring him along with his children. When my daughter was born, I had to look for a job and my first job was childcare for children in our compound, since I was the only mother living there and not working then. The childcare work paid very little but it enabled me to contribute to the family, buying food and clothes for my children. I stopped the work in 2000, when 73

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

I began the “mama nguo” services, which I have done on and off for the last 27 years.’ In 2005, Melodi gave birth to her fourth child; her three older children were aged 14, 11 and 5 years, and all attended school. This spacing between her children was validation of her maturity. Melodi cited the years 1999 to 2005 as happy years for her marriage and children: ‘Seth used to get a lot of money as a mechanic, and I had good clients as a “mama nguo”, yes he used to drink [alcohol] but we bought many household items like the TV set, the gas cooker, carpet and even built our rural home in 2002. Our children went to school, I lived for my marriage and caring for my children, I never knew life could change and in an about-​turn way.’ There was a sense of personal obligation, personal growth and opportunity for learning as Melodi evaluated her social-​mothering experiences in light of the uncertainties and insecurities that they faced daily. Insecurity was an aspect of social mothering that she returned to time and again, linking it to her resilience and strong network of support from other mothers: ‘In the early 1990s, Gatwekera experienced considerable insecurity, different ethnic groups fought … I wanted my children to grow up protected and learning how to speak my mother tongue and the major languages here, and to know their rural home in Busia. I often told them … we just live here in Kibera, but don’t belong here.’ Melodi taught her children her mother tongue as a marker of cultural identity, and later encouraged them to learn as many languages as possible to enable them navigate life outside their home. In developing and taking advantage of the social support structures available, her mission was to protect her children. This contrasts with the accusations she had levelled against her mother and grandmother who had been ineffective in protecting her. Therefore, the predicaments levelled on social mothering in Kibera act as an example of the consequences of overly insensitive political and socio-​ cultural constructions of negative ethnicity. Mothers have to step up and gain control of what goes on in their children’s lives: ‘I have seen many children get lost or stolen from Kibera; a majority speak Kiswahili2 and don’t know the details of their parents’ names, or family members, even the school they learn at. Some mothers are just useless … my children learning their ethnic language is important, I will ensure they remember who they are always. I insist on them knowing 74

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

mine and Seth’s name, where I work, what days, where I store food and hide the house key, everything … I have to be open and honest with my children.’ This part of the interview reveals that Melodi conceptualises protecting her children in relation to the caring needs for the family. This aspect of care was constantly brought to the surface in her narrative, and marked a contrast between her and mother. Expressed through her activities, Melodi felt strongly about teaching her children their ethnic language, while attending to everyday uncertainties and risks. Maintaining a strong ethnic identity and honesty was necessary as their perceived daily life served as a form of self-​reflection from which Melodi could create acts of protection for her children. This represents her everyday social-​mothering experience seen as something explicable in terms of poverty and burdensome family responsibilities. As she stated: ‘They come from school, tired and hungry; we speak Luhya … our houses are divided with corrugated iron-​sheets and tiny, these neighbours can hear me sneeze … I need to tell my children, in a language only we know, where I have kept the house key, food, money, my plans … otherwise, the house will be broken into and everything stolen … every day has something new in Kibera and children must know the line to tread … that’s what I want them to know.’ In an informal settlement, the daily shifts of risk drive mothers to mutually reconstruct practices that protect their children. Mothers like Melodi become experts in teaching language and its codes to meet their children’s safety needs. Teaching her children their ethnic language provides the impetus for ensuring that social mothering is less burdensome. For Melodi, social mothering means enabling children to be language-​ready and streetwise. ‘So I am up every day at 5 am and how do I speak to my children to prepare them for the day? In Kiswahili? No! [laughs] even the rats will understand … it’s not what I say that’s important, no … it’s the language I use and how I say it. Here, people make signs, signal you out, and determine where they slot you. For our children, learning all these things is deliberate for surviving; we can talk to each other in our ethnic languages –​verbally and non-​verbally!’ Melodi felt solid in her relationship and raised her children to identify as belonging to the Abaluhya community, while living in a cosmopolitan informal settlement. To her, this ethnic identity was an important marker in being part of the larger social network support offered by the ethnic 75

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

group. “You see, if we have a problem, we will be assisted, so my children had to learn Abaluhya and Kiswahili”. However, Melodi was also cognisant of the fact that formal schooling was taught in English and she wanted her children to succeed in school. ‘I didn’t get far in school, but today, children must know good English, Kiswahili, computer and how to use a smart phone. This is very important to surviving even outside; otherwise you are called backward and not aware of changes in society.’ The reality of living in Kibera is captured in the term ‘surviving’, which Melodi used extensively in her narrative as a mother. On one hand, this reality involves teaching her children their ethnic identity, but on the other hand it relates to the changes brought on by technology, which determine their interaction with the external world. This interaction is important for her; hence she ensures and monitors the progress of her children in school: ‘Look at my cheap mobile phone [laughs], what can I teach my children? On these gadgets they know more than me … my friend, told me to move with the times and technology, that my children will leave me in darkness: “a tablet, a touch screen phone are what you need Melodi” she shouted for everyone to hear and ridiculed me. But you know it’s also just flossing the Kibera way, since many of these gadgets are stolen … but I lose out a lot, nowadays schools communicate through WhatsApp, so I have to buy a smart phone soon!’ Reflecting on the years from 1990 to 2005, Melodi indicated that these were good years for her and her young family. Her children went to school and her mothering role went “smoothly”, but, as the children grew older and approached national examination classes, the schooling of her children left her unhappy: ‘Yes, we still struggled; the children knew their father and he had their interests at heart. My major concern was that my first two children were not doing well, so we changed school for them twice. My frustration was they couldn’t get sponsors … Kibera swarms with sponsors from abroad. We were called many times to school to check on their progress but Seth refused. I was upset, I tried private tuition, talking to teachers, when it didn’t work and their father refused to help, I let them get whatever grades and then handle the matter later.’ For Melodi, mothering was related to caring for the education of her children, especially where sponsors were abundant. Her attempts at ensuring they 76

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

improve at school do not come to fruition. Later she contrasts the learning of her first four children to that of the last two children. This differentiation is important in her biography as it marks another transitional turn.

Turning points: social mothering put to the test The 2007 Kenyan general elections were a transition point in Melodi’s biography. The violence and hostilities meted on various ethnic groups before, during and after the elections were “a breaking point for my children and me”. By 2007, Melodi noted that Seth’s demeanour towards her and the children changed: “he had become violent, drinking always, and even slept out many times … I confronted him … before the children, and he threatened to beat us up”. Melodi experienced a very difficult time in her marriage and attributes it to the emotional state she was in: ‘… my head was all over, I almost lost it as a mother, and I couldn’t handle my children. My foundation was being crashed. This marriage is what saved me, then it was sinking me … I cried, my children were 16, 13, 7 and 2 years old, the first two knew what was going on, my daughter used to fear for me “mama promise me you will not be stressed”, she would ask. I realised my sadness was affecting them and decided to stop.’ As Melodi shows, the weight and responsibilities she had as a wife and mother became obscured when her marital concerns overshadowed her role of mothering. The external stresses of social mothering in Kibera are compounded by her internal marital strife. She describes this as ‘sinking’, which made her children anxious, especially her 13-​year-​old daughter. ‘When the elections were called, Seth informed me he would travel home to Busia to vote … [sigh] that was the last time we lived together. Imagine, being abandoned by your husband at such a time! Imagine! So when the elections were over and the fighting began, I had nowhere to go or no one to turn to … Kibera was on fire! I took my four children and we hid in an alley … We spent two nights frightened, hungry, fearful … just imagine with a child of two years, he couldn’t keep quiet … so I broke into a house and luckily found some bread … I also found a young girl of 10 years hiding there scared, she –​Lily my foster daughter –​followed me and I still care for her.’ Familial relationship breakdown, the fracturing of ethnic communities, fostering another child, and the helplessness that accompanied social 77

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

mothering in the post-​election displacement camp characterise this phase of her narrative. For Melodi, the feeling that she could no longer carry on as usual at home was a turning point that led to her decision to move on with her life alone, even though she was no longer in charge, but depended on the government: ‘I had a child –​Lily –​I didn’t know her parents, but then at the camp there were many children like her, and so I registered her as a lost child … the greatest thing at the camp was availability of water and food in plenty, even though we slept in tents! I still did my duties as a mother, I cooked, washed clothes, ensured the children went to the temporary school, and kept them safe … we were all living there … good and bad people … and we had to keep going.’ One way to make sense of Melodi’s social m ​ othering experiences is to consider that her responsibilities went beyond her own children and included the protection of Lily. However, she never contemplated abandoning her social ​mothering experiences: “I couldn’t’ leave my children”. Caring work was not routine, but involved accounting for the family in the tent, as she states: “Every day we went for a census, which was used to give us basic necessities, food and clothing, we had to be alert and always at the camp, if you left the camp you were given an identifying badge”. I asked Melodi why she would leave the camp, and her response indicates her continued efforts at social mothering during turbulent times. She recalled: ‘I would go to check on my home, you see people were looting everywhere, so I went back to salvage things like my children’s birth certificates, books and good clothes. For this my first-​born son used to help me, he became like the father [laughs] a grown man [laughs] … at times I would send him alone to begin to fix things to prepare when we would return or check on something … after the violence of 2007, Kibera changed completely and has never been the same’.

Conclusion This chapter contributes to and advances the need to develop knowledge and research about social ​mothering experiences. More research would facilitate greater discussion with regard to the social, cultural and discursive conditions of social mothering and enable policy makers to attend more closely to the needs of young mothers. With an unsupportive mother and a grandmother who went through the motions of caring for her, Melodi’s familiarity and understandings of social mothering as revealed here are conflicted. Both women (grandmother and mother), either consciously or 78

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

reluctantly disrupt narratives of the African mother as the transmitter of self-​esteem, identity formation and resilience. This research further develops the African feminist perspective, which takes the concerns of African mothers seriously and finds new ways to reflect and validate their lived experiences of social mothering. Further, through Melodi’s life narratives, alternative and potentially transformative understandings and modalities of social mothering are discussed, thereby contributing to the acknowledgment of social and cultural influences that continue to construct diverse African women’s mothering practices and societal expectations. Melodi’s biography deepens our understanding of the ways in which transitions or changes in women’s lives are controlled externally and ultimately affect her (and other women’s) social ​mothering experiences. Social mothering continues to be affected in labyrinthine ways by social, cultural and economic engagements as Melodi continues to live her life. The sharing of her social m ​ othering experiences becomes an integral part of creating awareness about transformation and personal growth linked to the voices of those who are mothering and how they negotiate the everyday spaces and environments where mothering and motherhood are enacted. Social mothering here is dynamically linked to contexts, to mothers’ experiences and lifeworlds, and while women’s experiences of social mothering embody some common elements, mothering biographies are always unique to the individual. Notes The Abaluyha comprise several groups of Banyu-​speaking people in Kenya. This term also denotes the Swahili language.

1 2

References Alber, E. (2004) ‘Grandparents as foster parents: transformations in foster relations between grandparents and grandchildren in Northern Benin’, Africa, 74(1): 28–​46. Anderson, J. (1991) ‘The phenomenological perspective’, in J. Morse (ed) Qualitative Nursing Research: A Contemporary Dialogue, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, pp 25–​38. Bradely, C., Kilbride, P.L. and Weisner, T.S. (eds) (1997), African Families and the Crisis of Social Change, Westport, CT: Praeger. Bunwaree, S. (2004) ‘Neoliberal ideologies, identity and gender: managing diversity in Mauritius’, in H. Englund and F.B. Nyamnjoh (eds) Rights and Politics of Recognition, London: Zed Books, pp 148–​168. Clark, S., Madhavan, S., Beguy, D., Kabiru, C. and Cotton, C. (2017) ‘Who helps single mothers in Nairobi? The role of kin support’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(4): 1186–​1204. 79

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Coffey, A. (1999) The Ethnographic Self, London: Sage Publications. Collins, P.H. (1994) Race, Class, and Gender: An Anthology, Belmont, CA: Wadsworth. Cotton, C. (2019) ‘Migration and young women’s access to maternal healthcare in sub-​Saharan Africa’, Health & Place, 55: 136–​144. Cotton, C. (2021) ‘An enduring institution? Child fostering in sub-​Saharan Africa’, Population and Development Review, 47(4): 1179–​1206 Cotton, C. and Beguy, D. (2020) ‘Long-​distance mothering in urban Kenya’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(2): 482–​497. Denzin, N.K. (1989a) ‘Selves, stories, and experiences’, in Interpretive Biography. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, pp 69–​80. Denzin, N.K. (1989b) ‘In conclusion: representing lives’, in Interpretive Biography, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, pp 81–​84. Finlay, L. (2008) ‘Reflecting on ‘Reflective practice’, Practice-b​ ased Professional Learning Paper 52, Milton Keynes: The Open University. Frank, A. (1995) The Wounded Storyteller, Chicago: University of Chicago Press. Freeman, M. (1993) Rewriting The Self: History, Memory, Narrative, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. Gaydosh, L. (2019) ‘Does it take a village? Kin coresidence and child survival in Tanzania’, Social Forces, 97(4): 1665–​1693. Goody, E. (1982) Parenthood and Social Reproduction: Fostering and Occupational Roles in West Africa, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Heidegger, M. (1962) Being and Time Oxford: Blackwell Publishing. Heugh, K. (2011) ‘Discourses from without, discourses from within: women, feminism and voice in Africa’, Current Issues in Language Planning, 12(1): 89–​104. Imam, A., Mama, A. and Sow, F. (eds) (1997) Engendering African Social Sciences, Dakar, Senegal: CODESRIA. Kilbride, P.L. and Kilbride, J.C. (1990) Changing Family Life in East Africa: Women and Children at Risk, University Park, PA: The Pennsylvania State University Press. Kolawale, M.E.M. (1997) Womanism and African Consciousness, Trenton, NJ: African World Press. Liljeström, R. (2004) ‘In the past, in the present and henceforth?’, in M. Ntukula and R. Liljeström (eds) Umleavyo: The Dilemma of Parenting, Uppsala, Sweden: Nordic Africa Institute, pp 125–​150. Lourenço-​Lindell, I. (2002) Walking the Tight Rope: Informal Livelihoods and Social Networks in a West African City, Stockholm: Almqvist & Wiksell. Lukalo, F. (2021) Mothers and Schooling, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. Mikell, G. (ed) (1997) African Feminism: The Politics of Survival in Sub-​Saharan Africa, University Park, PA: University of Pennsylvania Press.

80

Disruption, mothering and shifting identities

Moran, D. (2001) ‘Introduction to Phenomenology, Robert Skololowski (book review)’, Journal of the British Society for Phenomenology, 32(1): pp 109–​112. Mutongi, K. (2007) Worries of The Heart, Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. Nnaemeka, O. (1998) ‘Introduction’, in O. Nnaemeka (ed) Sisterhood Feminisms and Power: From Africa to The Diaspora, Trenton, NJ: African World Press. Nyamnjoh, F. B. (2002) ‘A child is one person’s only in the womb: domestication, agency and subjectivity in the Cameroonian grassfields’, in R. Werbner (ed) Postcolonial Subjectivities in Africa, London: Zed Books, pp 111–​138. Ogundipe-​Leslie, M. (1994) Recreating Ourselves: African Women and Critical Transformations, Trenton, NJ: Africa World Press. Oluwagbemiga, E.A. (2017) ‘Diverse family forms and quality-​of-​life in sub-​ Saharan African countries’, Development Southern Africa, 34(6): 682–​693. Oyewumi, O. (1997) The Invention of Women: Making Sense of African and Western Gender Discourses, Minneapolis, MO: University of Minnesota Press. Poluha, E. (2004) The Power of Continuity: Ethiopia through the Eyes of its Children, Uppsala, Sweden: Nordic Africa Institute. Riessman, C.K. (2008) Narrative Methods for the Human Sciences, London: Sage Publications. Serpell, R. (1993) The Significance of Schooling: Life-​Journeys in an African Society, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Silberschmidt, M. (1999) ‘Women Forget that Men are the Masters’: Gender Antagonism and Socio-​Economic Change in Kisii District, Kenya, Uppsala, Sweden: Nordic Africa Institute. Steady, F. (1981) The Black Woman Cross-​Culturally, Cambridge, MA: Schenkman Publishing Company. Stephens, R. (2007) A History of Motherhood, Food Procurement and Politics in East-​Central Uganda in the Nineteenth Century, unpublished PhD dissertation, Northwestern University, Evanston, IL. Swadener, B.B., Kabiru, M. and Njenga, A. (2000) ‘Does the village still raise the child? A collaborative study of changing child-​rearing and early education in Kenya’, Early Education Development, 8(3): 285–​306. van Manen, M. (1997) Researching Lived Experience: Human Science for an Action Sensitive Pedagogy (2nd edn), London: Althouse Press. van Manen, M. (2007) ‘Phenomenology of practice’, Phenomenology & Practice, 1: 11–​30. Wandibba, S. (1997) ‘The socio-​cultural and economic context of pottery production in Kenya’, MILA (N.S.), 2: 52–​60. Wane, N.N. (2000) ‘Reflections on the mutuality of mothering women, children and other mothering’, Mothering in the African Diaspora, Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering, 2(2). 81

4

Biographies of Roma mothering in contemporary Czechia: exploring tapestries of multi-​ethnic gendered identity in a marginalised social position Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků and Jana Obrovská

Introduction Central Europe is considered a cultural space that has complex intersections of languages, ethnic identities and cultures (Johnson, 2010). People with Roma ethnic-​minority backgrounds are no exception. On the contrary, their biographies display the symptomatic complexity and tensions with overwhelming power (Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2015). Research shows that Czech Roma are oppressed, discriminated against, and economically disadvantaged (European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights, 2016; Obrovská and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2021). While interviewing Czech Roma mothers, a diversity of coping strategies was identified, and a decision was made to analyse the intersection of ethnic and economic aspects of mothering over the course of the original project plan. This chapter looks at mothering from a twofold perspective – ​how Czech Roma mothers understand the notion of good mothering on both a general level and on a more personal basis. Czech Roma represent an ethnic-​minority group that is neither coherent nor a traditional social group, yet they show significant differences from the ethno-​majority population, for example, with regard to benefit fraud (Kroutilová-​Nováková and Kinská, 2017). Living in predominantly urban social settings, mainly influenced by economic and educational deprivation and not symbolically valued for their difference, they represent the survivalist lifestyle of the undeserving people. However, their social structural position is not unique, and closer research of their narrative, self-​reflexive understanding of themselves may serve as a reservoir of uncovered knowledge about living outside the symbolic normative mainstream (Frýbert and Pařízková, 2014).

82

Roma mothering in Czechia

Biographical perspectives on mothering Being a mother is a seemingly self-​explanatory social role. It appears to simply mean to give birth and nurture a child. In this respect, the combination of physical qualities (procreation, pregnancy, giving birth) and normative social practices (upbringing and care versus the economic security expected from a father) resembles pre-​reflexive thinking about gender, and the role of a mother is closely interlinked with feminine gender stereotypes (Arendell, 2000). Achieving distance from the prefabricated normative labels may be especially challenging for people in a socially disadvantaged position. The biographical method is especially useful here not only for its voice-​giving potential (Roberts, 2002), but also for uncovering contextual and non-​ stereotypical notions of mothering through a focus on life narrative as a form of reflection on an individual’s life project (Breckner et al, 2000; Chamberlayne et al, 2000). The potential of the biographical method in mothering research lies in uncovering hidden aspects of everyday mothering as both a practice and a social form. The biographical interview is a research tool that gives both a voice to the narrator as well as a rich and comfortable reflective space. As such, it creates space for the emergence of previously unspoken meanings and dense, relevant contexts. Its huge potential lies in narrativised episodes that uncover social agency (Giddens, 1991) in its dynamic form; the inter-​relationship between social structures and individual conduct uncovers barriers and tools with regard to tackling the socially disadvantaged position, the values and living strategies related to cultural and individual living conditions, as well as previously unknown inter-​relationships and expressions. As such, biographical research of mothering presents a rich reservoir of emerging meanings and unsuspected linkages. The debate on mothering, its meaning and its nature is vast and intense within contemporary academia. Arendell (2000) shows that the debate is divided between universal and particular streams, depending on whether the focus lies on universal topics of motherhood or on differences across the cultures and social conditions that mothers live in. It is suggested, however, that the biographical perspective helps to avoid this division, by showing how embedded is the understanding of one’s own identity as a mother in everyday rhythms and practices (Nurse, 2000). Even though our study leans more towards the particularistic approach to the performance of mothering, in the analysed narratives, the mothers themselves obviously applied their narrative reflections towards their understanding of universal notions of maternal practice. If we elaborate on the notion that ‘mothers are identified not by what they feel but what they try to do’ (Ruddick, 1994, p 34, quoted in Arendell, 2000, p 1194) from the biographical perspective, we may state that ‘feeling’ is nevertheless an important part of a mother’s identity practice 83

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

as feelings about being a mother are triggered by supposed feelings of fitting in and being a good mother. The emphasis on quality mothering (whatever that means in each particular case) nevertheless differs, and it would be false to presuppose the omnipotent and unified importance of such a concept in the lives and narratives of all mothers. Within the sample of interviewed Czech Roma mothers, there were some whose response to the probe ‘I would like to talk now about the quality and accessibility of education for your child’ (which was followed by a series of related questions) was to be rather embarrassed. We interpret their reaction as an expression of class-​based concepts of parenting and motherhood, as under some socio-​economic circumstances, a mother does not necessarily relate to the child’s education in terms of quality.

Research, data set and analytical procedure The chapter builds on data from an extensive international research project (Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society [ISOTIS] project) that was realised in 11 European countries between 2017 and 2019. The ISOTIS research project explores the inter-​related influences on child development by focusing on the multiple environments in which children are embedded, including education systems, the structural conditions of education, and the care and domestic environment. The overall aim of the project was to conduct a thorough complex analysis of early child care and the education environment according to Bronfenbrenner’s bioecological model of personal development (Bronfenbrenner, 1975; 2009) and to contribute to the creation of safe and stimulating home and education environments for children in an early life stage across cultural backgrounds, taking into account socially deprived conditions (Broekhuizen et al, 2019). The ISOTIS research considered in this chapter focused on the reflections and experiences of families within the education system and the social, cultural and linguistic inner resources that they have available for use in order to support young children, including native language use in ethnic-​minority families and support for multilingualism. Qualitative, quantitative and user-​ based methods were used in an integrated research setting. The data consist of 25 biographical interviews with Czech Roma mothers who also took part in the quantitative study beforehand. The data collection for both studies was kept separate for analysis, but it is important to mention that the participating mothers were already well informed and complied with the demands of the research. The women’s compliance with data collection in both phases was supported by grocery store vouchers. The biographical interview consisted of three parts: a spontaneous narration, followed by clarification (including drawing of a family tree and the child’s support network) and a thematic third part that included relevant ISOTIS topics, 84

Roma mothering in Czechia

such as education support for children, neighbourhood living conditions and the mapping of familiar locations at various scales (Nurse et al, 2019). The methodology of the data collection and subsequent cross-​national analysis was created and coordinated by Lyudmila Nurse (Nurse and Melhuish, 2018; Nurse and Melhuish, 2021), and coordination of the data collection and analysis of the Czech data set were conducted by Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků. The analysis here is based on a thematic narrative analysis (Nurse, 2013; Schütze, 2008) of the interviews. The focus was on topics that covered both domestic and educational contexts, identity and lifestyle, and hopes and aspirations. All national teams involved in the analysis, followed the same coding tree and discussed the interim proceedings during sessions that were raising the analytical sensitivity of the research team members. A similar procedure was also performed by the Czech team of coding researchers, allowing for cooperation on the heuristic process both at the national level and internationally. The general coding tree consists of nine categories. During the coding process, country-​specific codes were also created, and Obrovská and Sidiropulu-​Janků (2021) provided more details on the specific demographic distribution among Czech Roma mothers interviewed. These codes concerned mainly the forms of being Roma that exist as understood by Czech Roma mothers; further categories included were ‘family origin’ and ‘family roots’, as well as more detailed perspectives on upbringing style and the normative expectations of good mothering. The Czech country-​ specific codes uncovered the importance of housing conditions, housing condition-​related aspects of everyday life, and the estimated quality of both family life and childcare. The narratives also reflected on the role of a child’s father and mother’s spouse (in numerous cases this was not the same person) in everyday life and childcare. Last but not least, memories of racialised oppression from the mothers’ own schooling as well as experiences of discrimination that concern their own children appeared. The topic of discrimination appeared especially strong at the macrosocial level, and was the incentive for producing a separate mixed-​method paper (Obrovská and Sidiropulu-Janků, 2021). The coding tree was gradually completed and the additional codes were used by all researchers on the national team. Finally, the preliminary findings were compared and contrasted with the findings from other European countries (Nurse et al, 2021). This chapter presents the results from selected codes that concern the perspectives of mothers about what it means to be a good mother in general and specifically as based on personal experience. In the third thematic part of each interview, a probing question was posed: ‘In your opinion, what makes someone a good mother, parent?’. Analysis of the answers to this question and the overall topic of good mothering throughout the narratives led to two analytical categories. In the code book of the research manual, ‘being a good mother in general’ referred 85

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

to all the narrative parts that reflected on the meaning of good mothering, while ‘being a good mother in a personalised way’ related to the narrative parts about either the mother herself, a child’s father or any other people that the mother knew or mentioned specifically. This twofold perspective on good mothering presents the analytical basis for this chapter. The frequencies of the quotations showed that significantly richer data was obtained about being a good mother in a personalised narrative context, but the data on general reflection were also rich. Given the aim of understanding various aspects of mothering, both analytical layers, as per our interpretation, were included. In the dataset, the more personalised expressions revealed an understanding of one’s own mothering role and practices in the context of family history and ethno-​cultural background, while the general expressions uncovered more general notions of normativity concerning the social role of a mother and gendered stereotypes. Looking at the coded parts for both these notions in the data set from Czechia, it appeared that, whereas the narrative parts on being a good mother in general linked to normative mothering as such and reflected a stereotypical understanding of what Roma womanhood or motherhood means, the personalised statements focused on family stories and heritage, role models such as the mother’s mothers or other relatives. On a more abstract level, the former may be interpreted as racialised stereotypes and nation-​building myths that influence the understanding of social and cultural reproduction through private socialisation and embedded breeding (Bourdieu, 1984). The personalised understanding of mothering, focusing on family heritage but also future family prospects, was reflected in the actions and ideas of mothers with regard to how to raise their daughters properly so they will be good mothers one day when their time comes. In such reflections, it is possible to identify notions of ethnic identity in the mothers’ narratives on a more general level. Deeper contextualisation of the data is included in the chapter, taking into consideration the overall narratives and their thematic analysis. However, for a more thorough contextualisation, we focus on five mothers in this chapter. They are first introduced by a short profile, presenting an edited version of those used in the international dataset. Reading these biographic profiles should provide the reader with more analytical sensitivity so that they can read the interpretation of the data with better understanding. The biographic profiles were part of the ISOTIS project’s international data analysis (Nurse and Melhuish, 2018). For the purposes of our chapter, it is also used as a method to initiate thematic analysis of the biographical narrative data as it sensitises the reader to the perhaps unfamiliar context. This sensitisation may help the reader to approach the authors’ extensive experience gained during their considerable ethnographic research with Czech Roma families as well as Czech schools and community centres with a high density of 86

Roma mothering in Czechia

Czech Roma students and clients encountered during both data collection and analysis. Competences such as observation skills, research in everyday contexts and the ability to identify particular meanings within everyday routines, close research rapport in difficult-​to-​access social environments, special ethical concerns when conducting research in socially diversified and marginalised contexts cannot be gained while conducting biographical research but may be especially useful for its success, whether in the research design, or through rapport, data collection or the analysis. In this respect, the ethnographic experience, the wider dataset (national and international) and its analysis provide sensitising context for the analysis and its results.

Findings The analysis first presents five sample biographical profiles of Czech Roma mothers. These profiles are provided as background in order to appreciate the further content better. The five mothers presented here are representative of the overall set of 25 Czech Roma mothers interviewed, but, in their diversity, provide rich enough data for presentation. After the biographical profiles, the meaning of motherhood as narrated by Czech Roma mothers is elaborated, including its inseparability from the child and childcare. The presented tapestry of mothering through gender, ethnic and economic constraints shows how mothering is highly normative and plastic at the same time. Each mother maintains her social role as a mother individually, in her private sphere as well as in non-​private social interactions, through everyday practices. Exemplary biographical profiles of Czech Roma mothers The five biographical profiles present basic biographical data and serve as the social context of the interviews with mothers. The data relate to the time point of the interviews. Presented here are short life stories and the overall family situation, as well as care and education issues that the mothers considered important at the time. All the sensitive data are anonymised, and the names are working pseudonyms. At the end of each profile, a short quotation is presented that grasps the overall atmosphere of the interview, the character of the mother or the important issue of the moment. Gabriela is a 35-​year-​old mother of mixed ethnic background. Her mother is of Czech ethnic-​majority background, and her father is a Romani. She lives with her Roma partner and their children (aged 9 and 3 years) in a small, rented apartment in a socially excluded locality. Gabriela attended a Roma-​segregated primary and lower-​secondary school, but she did not finish compulsory education as she left school in the 8th grade. Afterwards, she started vocational training, but did not finish it either. Later, Gabriela worked 87

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

in numerous unqualified, temporary jobs, including in the bar where she met her partner. Retrospectively, she found her childhood tough as her parents were often at work when she and her brother returned home from school, and they had to take care of themselves unattended. Currently, Gabriela is on maternity leave. Although she wanted to enrol her eldest child in a nearby non-​ segregated school, he was placed in an ethnically mixed school, in a segregated classroom comprising mainly Roma pupils with special educational needs. Her main concern is her child’s diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She does not receive professional support on how to bring up a child with this diagnosis properly, and she has not succeeded in finding well-​fitting afterschool activities for her child. Gabriela also believes her child faces troubles in collectives and does not have any friends. Gabriela: You know what I needed from them [therapeutic and social workers]? To give me some order. One, she said “You have to be consistent.” Well, consistent. But I need someone to write it down for me: What I am supposed to do with the boy the entire day. No one told me this. Monika is a 38-​year-​old mother. She was raised in a family of six children in a flat in a socially excluded Romani-​populated locality in which she has lived her whole life. She too has six children (aged 20, 19, 9, 8, 6 and 4 years). Her life partner is the father of four of them. The family lives in a shelter, after living in subsidised flats or poor-​quality rented flats. Monika is not in touch with her parents and relatives much, and they do not help her with raising the children. After her father died, her mother moved to a sister’s place in a subsidised flat –​all her relatives inhabit similar facilities. Monika has completed primary school but did not continue to study afterwards. She has never worked in her entire life. At the moment, her main concern is her housing situation –​she would like to find a larger and more stable flat –​and the education of her younger children. She feels that she made mistakes when raising and supporting her older children in education, and she does not want to repeat them with her younger children. Monika: I live a completely normal life, you know, like having a man [meaning a life partner]. We live a normal life. That is why I am in a social flat. Nina is a 32-​year-​old mother. She is in a long-​term relationship, and together they have three children (aged 15, 12 and 6 years). The family lives in a subsidised flat of very poor quality in an industrial area. Nina comes from a nationally mixed Roma family –​her father is Czech Roma and

88

Roma mothering in Czechia

her mother is Slovak Romani. Nina’s older siblings were born in Slovakia where her family used to live. Nina identifies herself as both Romani and Czech, “fifty–​fifty” as she says, while emphasising that she “doesn’t live like the Romanies/​Gypsies”. Nina has 13 siblings. Her mother died while giving birth to the last child. After that, Nina was placed in an institutional care facility for children with behavioural disorders at the age of 6, where she also completed practical elementary school. Later, Nina ran away from the facility several times. On one such occasion, she met her partner and became impregnated at the age of 17. Nina nevertheless appreciates having lived in institutional care and was taught how to ‘behave’, and how to take care of children and a household. Despite her complicated childhood, she has created a stable family that she takes care of within her capabilities. Nina has never worked and receives welfare benefits. Nina: Well, I had childhood like … I do not remember anything from childhood. I do not remember anything at all. Rebeka is a 37-​year-​old mother. She was born in a non-​metropolitan, medium-​size city, living her entire life in the same socially excluded, Roma-​ populated locality. She lives with her partner and their four children (aged 16, 15, 11 and 9 years). The family lives in a small subsidised flat (six people in one room and a kitchen). Before moving there 4 years ago, they lived in several other subsidised flats on the same street. Rebeka is not very satisfied with their housing as it is too small for such a big family, and the street where they live has a problem with a growing number of benefit abusers. Rebeka comes from a big family of six children, and her partner comes from an even bigger one of ten children. She is in regular touch with her and her partner’’s families, stating that she can rely on her relatives when she needs some help. Rebeka completed primary school, after which she did not try to continue her studies –​her two oldest children have the same educational trajectory. She does not have a job and has never worked, partly due to health problems. Now she is looking for a job as a cleaning lady or assistant cook. Her partner has a permanent position as an excavator operator. At the time of the interview, Rebeka’s main concern was a lack of finances, her housing situation and problems finding a job. Interviewer:

Rebeka:

When you need help with anything, do you have someone who helps you with different things regarding children? Do you have anyone to address, some sort of support? Hm, I don’t understand that question. What would I need help with?

89

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Interviewer:

For example, in upbringing or with health, or you simply need to talk with someone about how to do things. Do you have anyone to ask? Rebeka: Hm. Interviewer: It is usually, I don’t know, some relative or social worker or health worker. Rebeka: Well, yes. I could turn to someone, but I do things always on my own [laughs]. Interviewer: So, if you need to talk about things, then … Rebeka: Then I talk with someone. If I were to discuss or share something with someone, ask for help, then there are my sisters-​in-​law. We tell each other everything, and we help each other with everything. Tereza is a 30-​year-​old mother. She still lives in her childhood locality, and she admits that she had a very hard childhood. After she was born, her mother decided to leave her in a children’s institutional care facility for toddlers, but her mother’s sister chose to adopt her instead. After 3 years, Tereza was forced to go back to her biological family, but her relationship with her mother was never warm. Tereza lives with her partner, the father of her two children (aged 5 and 3 years). When she met him, she said that she had to break loose from her family. At the time of the interview, the family had lived only briefly in a two-​room flat in a shelter in one of the city districts usually inhabited by lower middle-​class families of the Czech ethnic majority. Before moving there, they had lived in relatives’ flats or in subsidised housing, usually in a socially excluded Romani-​populated locality. Tereza feels that she does not have a stable housing situation at the moment. Tereza comes from a family of nine children, but she is not in touch with her family much, and she and her partner prefer to meet with her partner’s family. When Tereza needs help, she asks her mother-​in-​law. Tereza completed primary school and did not continue in high school because her mother did not allow it. She wanted her to bring home money, so Tereza had to start working or receive social benefits. Tereza worked as a cleaning lady for the city for 5 years and is now on parental leave. Her partner is searching for a job. Tereza: Well, I had very hard, bad times [as a child]. That is why I treat my children totally differently. Simply put, what I did not have, the love, I indulge in it with them. So, I say one word a hundred times, even though it annoys me. But I do not hit them or anything like that. I had very hard times. But now it is not an issue for me any longer, now I have my own children.

90

Roma mothering in Czechia

Motherhood as care: the inseparability of mother and child As already mentioned, becoming a mother is usually associated with giving birth to a child. Nevertheless, from the biographical perspective, the line is rather blurred, individual and ever-​changing. When we analysed the interviews with the Czech Roma mothers, the notion of motherhood unfolded. The first topic discussed was motherhood itself –​how mothers understand the status of being a mother, and how they understand the notion of being a good mother. It appeared that good mothering is strongly defined by the wellbeing of a child: Gabriela: I think that a good mother gives a child a background, cares about a foundation, the warmth of the home –​this is a good mother –​so a child knows that he has a mum at home, that a child can feel good. Right. And when a child does not feel good, does not have a foundation, it is about nothing. Then a child suffers [silently]. What Gabriela depicts as ideal, Nina fulfils day by day without giving it much thought, as she prosaically presents in her narrative: “Well, I care a lot. So, I cook, wash clothes for them, cuddle with them, you know, I am giving them pocket money. So, I think that I am a good mother, aren’t I?” How is the competence to be a good mother gained? Monika reflects that she may have not been a good mother over the course of her life, but she has learned it little by little. She also associates good motherhood with age, maturing and dedicated effort: Monika: Maybe in past I perhaps neglected it. I was still such a child. Right? When the children were smaller, I was still so young, you know, unprepared. And now I would not change anything, I guess. I think I put plenty into it, into the upbringing and parenting. I put my maximum into it. The mother here is depicted as a being who loves and cares unconditionally. Sometimes the mothers remember themselves as not being the most cooperative and grateful daughters, even more so now that they provide unconditional care and love themselves: Gabriela: And that’s why I don’t want my children to have it the same way I did, right. Even if I weren’t with my partner … [sighs[ they will always have priority, simple, these kids. As long as they are in my place, well, yeah, so they have food, freshly cooked every day. My mum was not so much into it anymore. So they have warm food, a foundation

91

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

for life, to have certainty in their mum even if they aren’t nice, if they aren’t good. I am not saying I was not being good either, but this is how life goes, right? Sometimes mothers reflect that their childhood and the way their own mother treated them were not the best role models for them, as if their own motherhood is considered by them a chance to start the family dynamics over: “I just did not have the love, so I indulge it with my children. I had it somewhat difficult, but it is not an issue for me anymore. I have my own two children”. Tereza explicitly defines herself as a mother compared with her own mother, who took care of her from the age of 3 years after Tereza had been left in a residential care home and then put in the care of her aunt afterwards. She invests a lot of effort into care but also into building a trusting relationship with her children. She uses an edgy and tense situation of a child having done something inappropriate as an example of ideal mother–​child dynamics. She wants her children to trust her so much that they come to her first. This image in her narrative is strongly contrasted with her not having a trusting and supportive relationship with her own mother: Tereza:

Interviewer: Tereza:

I want to have a relationship as a mother and as a friend with my children, so that when a child comes home from school, tells me what happened to her, and so on, she will not be afraid to tell me. Because, for example, me, I did not have it this way with my mum, no, no, no. How so? Because I had such fear. I never told her anything. I would rather tell a sister. It’s about trust, who you can trust. And this is how I try to do it with my children, right? That when something happens, or they do something, I won’t simply hear about it from other people, but that they will be first, that they will come, and I will learn it from my children first. So, I need to have such a relationship with both of them.

The mother’s role is to be there, available, caring and creating a strong domestic foundation. In this sense, it is the psychosocial competences that are needed for emotional work (Hochschild, 2003) in the family; the wellbeing of a mother herself or her career performance seem to be secondary or even non-​existent. If we look more closely by reading the coded quotations of the interviews several times over, the meaning of motherhood seems to be anchored in care and reflection of the wellbeing of the children, as if the mother has the omnipotent power to allow a child to prosper: 92

Roma mothering in Czechia

Monika: Actually, when you see a child, clean or fed, then you can see that a mother cares. When you see the opposite, how can she care? She simply does not care. She can only say she cares. [said in a serious tone] You can see all this on a child. You can recognise it from the care. Recognising a good mother by recognising that she cares is still a bit vague. There are embodied signs such as appearance and health, but these are also tied into to the economic wellbeing of a household; therefore, it almost seems like a poor mother cannot really be a good mother (see the last part of our analysis). There are also general social signs of good successful care that are directly tied to the cultural reproduction of the society manifested in manners and behavioural standards. As Rebeka puts it: “A good mum and good dad. So, for me it means, the children are well brought-​up”. In the narratives of the interviewed Czech Roma mothers, a good mother is overall always defined in a non-​direct way in the interviewees’’ understanding, through the product of her care of the child, whether this is emotional care in the form of creating a nice atmosphere at home, keeping the household neat and tidy, or cosy, or associated with initial socialisation, including bringing up a child to fit in socially and have acceptable manners. There were no signs of an autonomous definition of a mother as such, or, to the surprise of the authors, a link to the very bodily definition of motherhood, that is giving birth to a child. The notion of a strongly normative nature of motherhood in contemporary societies is therefore found to be supported (Arendell, 2000). Weaving a tapestry of mothering through gender, ethnic and economic constraints The reaction to this high normativity is what the authors refer to as ‘tapestry weaving’. Day after day, mothers display acceptable and desirable forms of action, interactions with children, spouses and relatives, attitudes and emotions. Day after day, mothers hide unacceptable forms. Day after day, they create a tapestry that only they see from both sides: the visible facade and the reverse. One of the most normative aspects of mothering concerns gendered stereotypes. Being a mother is in many contexts considered the purpose of and qualification for being a woman. A female is qualified as a proper, true, mature human being if she conceives a child and takes normative actions associated with it (getting married to the father of the child, bringing up children so that they prosper in society). Gendered stereotyping also includes differentiating between the roles that mothers and fathers play in upbringing. In the structured part of the interview, Nina describes how she sees the differences in approach to a child’s upbringing between her and her spouse: 93

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Interviewer: Nina: Interviewer: Nina:

Interviewer: Nina: Interviewer: Nina:

What in your mind makes a good father and a good mother? How do you know that someone is a good father? Well, I think that a good father is, well, he is bringing up his sons or his daughters well. He teaches them something about life. What should they learn about life? What does it mean that he is bringing them up well? Well, mainly, to know how to attend school regularly, right, have average grades. He does not have to excel, be average, you know, not to be mean to others. Like, I don’t know, if he is, for example, a Gypsy and meets a white one, and he tells him a bad word –​I don’t like this either. And how about a good mother? Well, a good mother allows them everything, right. Yes? A good mother allows everything? [laughs] Well, you know. Allows everything. Like, she also gives them advice for life, and … I am very soft with children, you know.

The presence of gendered stereotypes in a child’s upbringing was noticeable in the Czech Roma mothers’ narratives when they considered both girls and boys, but it was also apparent in the researched households. Girls often took care of younger siblings and did housework, whereas boys were reminded of their future duties as fathers, as the breadwinners: Nina: So, I want my child to be, not completely like a king, just normal, to be able to save some money, have a family one day. I do not want him to have a bad life. I would say, to study. You cannot choose here. You won’t be on social benefits or hold a pickaxe in your hand somewhere. Nowadays, I say, “Not this.” I say, “You also want to have a family? You will want to secure it financially.” The father is in a gender stereotypical way considered to be a teaching, practical figure; the mother is a person of unconditional care and softness. This division not only follows the stereotypical gendered division of upbringing roles in the Euro-​Atlantic cultural context, but also dominates the psychological knowledge concerning the wellbeing of a child in the early childhood period. In our dataset, this perspective was far from the only one. Many mothers described, contrarily, themselves as the tough ones and the fathers as the benevolent, soft figures. In many cases, the male parenting figure was somewhat missing from the narratives of care despite 94

Roma mothering in Czechia

being physically present in the everyday life and household. This may be interpreted as stereotypical female domination over the domestic space, but also, based on the sociological theories and research on family, as showing that fathers from socially deprived conditions participate in domestic care and support the mother less in general (Fučík and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2019). Upon closer examination of the data as regards the mother–​father dynamic in narratives, one common denominator is found: the notion that the mother and father were mutually replaceable in the upbringing role was missing –​ the mother’s role operated rather independently of the father’s role in the narratives. This emancipated model was completely absent, and it would require further research to determine why that is so. It may be the overall absence of this perspective outside the creative and upper-​middle class social sphere, or it may be some notions of Roma culture, or it may be something else. Nonetheless, it was missing in the dataset. Another ‘colour’ in the mothering tapestry is caring about ethnic-​minority identity. The focus on ethnic-​minority mothering is associated in mothering studies with feminist scholarship (see Arendell, 2000). In the case of these Czech Roma mothers, we uncovered a rather complex and complicated topic of ethnic identity negotiation within the Czech context that is somewhat inferior to Roma ethnic-​minority identity. Many of the interviewed mothers lived in socially scarce conditions, where surveillance by social services is present and sometimes perceived as oppressive and even discriminatory by the Roma mothers (see Fučík and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2019): Monika: Some [social workers] are so active, so they focus on Gypsy children, some. … You know? And they watch every stupid small thing the children do, but they do not watch others so closely, you know, where they should actually intervene, where a child is starving, the parents take drugs, are not home, do not care about the child. They don’t intervene there. … Well, my son was going all clean to school, right? Everything. I took care of him. Well, and you see [said sadly], he did silly things. The teacher, she hated him. She just could not stand him, and they [the social workers] intervened at home. The normative pressure and even unjust judgment that Roma mothers feel in Czech society, the omnipotent surveillance of their performance, leads to distancing themselves from the stereotypical appearance of a disapproving Roma mother, as presented in Tereza’s narrative: Interviewer: Tereza:

Do you think that you live similarly or differently than most Roma? Well, differently, as well. How do I say this? I don’t know. For example, recently, we were at the doctor’s, 95

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

to vaccinate the small one. And there was another Roma woman and, just –​I don’t know, I see such a difference. They simply came there completely dirty, you know? I simply looked at my children and at theirs, and I simply saw such a difference. Tereza also got herself into an open confrontation with other Roma mothers in the neighbourhood. By not behaving similarly and being openly critical of the apparent norm in the yard, she received a racialised offensive comment from her neighbour, a Roma mother: Tereza: Well, there were these parents that simply left children in the yard –​“Do whatever you want.” And they sat, drunk their little coffees, smoked, right? And supervision, children, this did not interest them. And I didn’t let my children go to this yard because there was trash all over the place. I really cleaned the house, cooked, and I really took them, and I went to park with them. And you know what they were telling me? “You’re behaving like a Gadji [non-​Roma person].” Like, it was like this there. I had a quarrel with them several times. And I gave it back to them hard. I said, “What do you mean, Gadji?” I say, “I give my kids an upbringing.” And I say, “My children don’t have to do everything other children do.” I say, “And if they want to play,” I say, “this is what the parks here are for. You have it just a few steps from here. And not in front of the house, making a mess, stones, papers, thrown away. There is a cigarette lighter. This one [child] was burning something, and you are just sitting here.” Tereza presents in her narrative her success at improving her living conditions by gaining a public housing flat after living in improvised conditions for many years. She describes how this fortunate event was directly interconnected with her mothering practices, which were appraised by the social workers assessing the applications for the apartment: Tereza: I asked the social worker how come she was giving this accommodation to me. You have families with a disabled child, people who could have priority before me. They were visiting us, talking to us, doing checks on us, looking at how you [provide] care. And she told me then, “We chose you because you were the only mummy who is babysitting her children.” Simply put, they saw that I do something all the time, that I don’t just sit around drinking coffee and stuff. So, she said that they simply saw that I will take care of the children and that I will not turn a flat into some, this [dilapidated state, unspoken]. 96

Roma mothering in Czechia

Because they had already saw how we lived in the previous place. Sometimes, they visited us, and I was not at home, and they just saw it there. Because I said to myself: “I will not let my children to be taken away from me. I did not grow up in children’s home, so my children will not know that either.” Tereza’s narrative includes notions of growing into motherhood due to her own efforts, trying to avoid the lapses she considered her mother had made, and negotiating a proper motherhood while facing both racialised stereotypes and reproduced tensions from both ethnic-​majority Czechs as well as ethnic-​minority Czech Roma. Her narrative shows that being a Roma mother is filled with inner discrepancies, symbolic struggles and isolation. Some of the features of her story are interconnected with the overall poor social conditions she lives in; therefore, the last part of the analysis deals with poverty and motherhood. This is the last ‘colour’ in the tapestry that needs elaboration: economic constraints. Housing conditions appeared to be a significant denominator in the overall conditions for mothering practices in the analysed narratives. As mothering is a day-​to-​day practice, and occurs to a great extent in the domestic sphere, the quality of the home, including the neighbourhood, matters a lot. Often, families lived in very deprived conditions, and there was uncertainty as to where the family would live in the coming months. Rarely would the mothers complain about it. Instead, they created a home no matter what the conditions were, even though some of the mothers felt ashamed and blamed themselves for exposing the children to the tough conditions of material scarcity: Tereza: Well, they are small, you know? For example, I don’t know, I was saying to myself many times, for example … when I, for example, lived in the housing facility, then we said to each other, also with him, I say, “We are bad parents. We simply are not able to give the children, to create a living space for them.” You know? Tereza nevertheless also shows that she insists on acting like a good mother despite the humble material conditions: Tereza: I approached a mother and tell her: “Look, your daughter has caught lice. Wash it away.” And you know what she told me? “And what do you think happen here? You are in a subsidised building.” I look at her and tell her: “Look,” I say, “it is not about being in a subsidised building.” I say, ”This is merely about parents.” If I do not clean her head now, if I leave it be, then this and that and that one will catch it. I say, “This is purely about being a mother, how much 97

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

she cares.” Well, that’s the way it is. It doesn’t matter whether you live in a subsidised house, it is simply about the parents. Sometimes mothers are so overwhelmed by the domestic care that they cannot imagine taking on paid work despite this being better for the material conditions of the family: Gabriela: I try to care about my child intensely. I don’t want what we had with my brother. If I were going to work, this would be something else, but you still have to keep on trying; otherwise, it will turn out bad. Me and my brother, we raised ourselves rather than our parents doing it, and then it turned out badly. Many Czech Roma mothers we spoke with come from large families; some have more than two children themselves. Often the families support each other across kinship, and a mother who cares about more than one household has simply no capacity for paid work. Better understanding of the day-​to-​day dynamics of care in poor families may bring better-​fitting opportunities for the paid employment of mothers. This research showed very few signs in the daily realities of Czech Roma mothers of a more equal share of domestic work and better self-​realisation opportunities for female child caretakers.

Conclusion Biographical interviews proved to be a valuable method for gaining a deeper understanding of the living conditions, values and symbolic notions of mothering among Czech Roma women, but also reveals more general meanings. The identity of Czech Roma mothers is an extremely complicated mosaic, heavily loaded by stereotyping and normativity concerning aspects of ethnicity, gender, parenting and social conditions. Understanding the inner dynamics of this complexity enriches not only sociological studies of family and childcare but also emancipation, social reproduction and identity. However, the authors’ long-term experience of ethnographic research with Czech Roma families and education was a value added and significantly informed the analytical work on the topic. Nevertheless, the potential of the biographical method must be acknowledged. Without it, some of the patterns that the mothers lived and experienced would not have been uncovered; asking about them directly would not have provided valid results. On the other hand, contextualised narratives uncover such patterns extremely well. The methodological section noted the analytical importance of the difference between a general and a personalised understanding of good 98

Roma mothering in Czechia

mothering, as well as how these are understood here as being interconnected with either more general cultural norms or more private family value system expressed as lived ethnic identity. In the context of Czech Roma mothers, there is a striking difference between ethno-​racialised stereotypes and ethnic-​identity aspects of understanding and of practising family values and reproduction of norms through the performance of mothering and preparation of daughters for this role in the future. While mothers tend to adopt the ethnic-​majority Czech population’s stereotypes about Romanies when thinking generally about good mothering, usually distancing themselves from ‘typical Roma mothering’ as a bad and repulsive form of mothering that they would not perform on purpose, a more nuanced description of what it means to be a Czech Roma mother unfolds once the mothers narrate more personalised stories of good mothering. This discrepancy is to an extent omnipresent. Its appearance in the analysed narratives suggests very little explicit acceptance of self-​identification as Roma at all. This is demonstrative of the strong dislike for the Czech Roma ethnic-​minority notion in Czech society at a more general level (see also the discussion about the macro-​level discriminating context in Obrovská and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2021). Mothering as a daily practice and cultural form presents a platform for both social reproduction (because the female is considered the one who gives birth and then takes care of initial socialisation) and family identity (which starts with the negotiation of a proper partner/​potential father and is imparted through choices in a child’s upbringing). Both dimensions have a strong and intricate ethnicised/​racialised influence on Czech Roma mothers as regards both their subjective experience but, more importantly, the external macrosocial context (see also Obrovská and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2021). Motherhood is far from a static quality, as the narratives presented demonstrate; it is a social agency (Giddens, 1991), and therefore the dynamic term ‘mothering’ fits its nature more accurately. Mothering is a never-​ending process of negotiating with oneself, with one’s children and with one’s wider social surroundings. Moreover, due to its key role in the reproduction of families and societies, studying mothers and mothering practices more closely will always be a great opportunity to learn about the societies we are living in. The concern here was primarily to understand how mothers deal with their day-​to-​day practices and societal expectations, not who a mother is as a general figure. For Czech Roma mothers, the research showed the inseparability of self-​understanding among mothers from notions of care, heavily loaded gendered stereotyping and the polarisation of female and male roles in the upbringing of children; how extremely diverse and problematic the ethnic layer of mothering is; and the importance of social living conditions in the day-​to-​day negotiations of proper motherhood. The authors believe that biographical research is the best method for researching 99

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

a subject of this complexity, and, if combined with other methods of social research, may bring us closer to understanding the phenomenon of motherhood. The chapter focuses on the narrative reflection of daily ‘tapestry weaving’, understood here as the act of balancing diverse normative pressures (private as well as structural) and dealing with the tension between traditional expectations and changing social conditions that suggest more emancipated (that is, individually reflected and grasped) conduct. In their everyday life course, each mother/​primary child carer weaves a tapestry of desired, acceptable and legitimate facades of mothering conduct, keeping the less desired, less acceptable and less legitimate items hidden but still there as they have a function in the overall complexity of the picture. The biographical narrative is a means of getting closer to understanding such a practice, the meanings by which each mother/​primary carer is surrounded, and how the mothers grasp these in order to create a meaningful picture of themselves as a mother. This cannot be separated from the actions themselves: in biographical research, the ‘trying to do’ and the ‘trying to appear’ are inseparable. Every day, a child, the dominant identifier of a mother, brings a new set of incentives and challenges into a mother’s life, and thus the tapestry unfolds in the interplay of structure and action. Acknowledgements This chapter was written based at the results of the ISOTIS research project (www.iso​tis.org) funded by the European Union within the Horizon 2020 Framework Programme (grant agreement number 727069) as well as by the NPO Systemic Risk Institute of NPO, number LX22NPO5101, funded by a European Union –​Next Generation EU (Ministry of Education, Youth and Sports, NPO: EXCELES). References Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4): 1192–​1207. Bourdieu, P. (1984) Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste, London: Routledge & Kegan Paul. Breckner, R., Kalekin-​Fishman, D. and Miethe, I. (2000) Biographies and the Division of Europe: Experience, Action, and Change on the ‘Eastern Side’, Opladen, Germany: Leske +​Budrich. Broekhuizen, M., Wolf, K., Francot, R., Moser, T., Pastori, G., Nurse, L. et al. (eds) (2019) ‘Resources, experiences, and support needs of families in disadvantaged communities: Integrative report D2.5. ISOTIS research report’, ISOTIS, [online] 27 November, available from https://www. isotis.org/en/publications/resources-experiences-and-support-needs-offamilies-in-disadvantaged-communities/​[Accessed 6 January 2023]. 100

Roma mothering in Czechia

Bronfenbrenner, U. (1975) ‘Reality and research in the ecology of human development’, Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society, 119(6): 439–​469. Bronfenbrenner, U. (2009) The Ecology of Human Development: Experiments by Nature and Design, Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. Chamberlayne, P., Bornat, J. and Wengraf, T. (eds) (2000) The Turn to Biographical Methods in Social Science, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights (2016) Second European Union Minorities and Discrimination Survey. Roma –​ Selected Findings. Luxembourg: Publications Office of the European Union. Frýbert, J. and Pařízková, A. (2014) ‘Pracujeme s Romy? Průzkum etnicity a národnosti klientů a klientek terénního programu’, Sociální Práce, 2014(2): 87–​104. Fučík, P. and Sidiropulu-​Janků, K. (2019) ‘Paradoxy a výzvy náhradní rodinné péče vykonávané příbuznými v sociálně vyloučené lokalitě’, Sociální Práce, 19(3): 44–​61. Giddens, A. (1991) Modernity and Self-​Identity. Self and Society in Late Modern Age, Cambridge: Polity Press. Hochschild, A. (2003) The Managed Heart, Berkeley, CA: University of California Press. Johnson, L.R. (2010) Central Europe: Enemies, Neighbors, Friends, Oxford: Oxford University Press. Kroutilová-​Nováková, R. and Kinská, S. (2017) ’Využívání příspěvku na péči romskými příjemci v kontextu diskuse o zneužívání této dávky’, Sociální Práce, 2017(6): 95–​109. Nurse, L. (2013) ‘Biographical approach in the study of identities of ethnic minorities in Eastern Europe’, in J.D. Turk and A. Mrozowicki (eds) Realist Biography and European Policy: An Innovative Approach to European Policy Studies, Leuven, Belgium: Leuven University Press, pp 115–​140. Nurse, L (2020) ‘Construction of schooling time as part of mothers’ identities’, in E. Schilling and M. O’Neill (eds) Einführung in die interdisziplinäre Zeitforschung –​Frontiers in Time Research, Berlin: Springer, pp 287–​307. Nurse, L. and Melhuish, E. (2018) ‘Parent in-depth interview study. Technical report’, ISOTIS research report, ISOTIS, [online] 31 October, available from https://www.isotis.org/en/publications/ parent-in-depth-interview-study-technical-report/ [Accessed 11 March 2021]. Nurse, L. and Melhuish, E. (2021) ‘Comparative perspectives on educational inequalities in Europe: an overview of the old and emergent inequalities from a bottom-​up perspective’, Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 417–​431.

101

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Nurse, L., Melhuish, E., Sidiropulu-​Janků, K., Obrovská, J., Aguiar, C., Alayli, A. and Capelli, I. (2019) ‘Immigrant, Roma and low-​income mothers experiences: an in-​depth exploration of identity, discrimination and educational experience’, in M. Broekhuizen et al (eds) Resources, Experiences and Support Needs of Families in Disadvantaged Communities. Integrative Report D2.5. ISOTIS research report, ISOTIS, [online] 27 November, available from https://​www.iso​tis.org/​en/​publi​cati​ons/​resour​ ces-​expe​r ien​ces-​and-​supp​ort-​needs-​of-​famil​ies-​in-​disadv​anta​ged-​comm​ unit​ies/​ [Accessed 6 January 2023], pp162–201. Obrovská, J. and Sidiropulu-​Janků, K. (2021) ‘Resilience capacity and supportive factors of compulsory education in ethnic minority families: mixed methods study of Czech Roma mothers’, Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 448–​463. Roberts, B. (2002) Biographical Research, Milton Keynes: Open University Press. Ruddick, S. (1994) ‘Thinking mothers/​conceiving birth’, in D. Bassin, M. Honey and M.M. Kaplan (eds) Representations of Motherhood. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, pp 29–​46. Schütze, F. (2008) ‘Biography analysis on the empirical base of autobiographical narratives: how to analyse autobiographical narrative interviews –​parts one and two’, European Studies on Inequalities and Social Cohesion, Nos 1–​2: 153–​242. Sidiropulu-​Janků, K. (2015) Nikdy Jsem Nebyl Podceňovanej: Ze Slovenských Oosad do Českých Měst za Prací. Poválečné Vzpomínky. Brno, Czechia: MUNI Press.

102

5

Identities and life choices of mothers in a disadvantaged neighbourhood in England Lyudmila Nurse

Introduction This chapter examines the meanings of mothering from the perspective of mothers whose identities have been transformed in response to life challenges associated with the parenting of young children, who were of primary-​school age at the time of the interviews. The mothers’ closeness to their young children during their early formative years, which is particularly important while children are moving from family to school environments, creates a special bond between mothers and their children, and it is a period during which mothers’ identities are ‘co-​shared’ with the identities of their children (Furedi, 2008; Lee et al, 2014; Nurse, 2020). The chapter focuses on two ‘older mothers’ (in their early 40s at the time of the study), with biographical reflection on their identities, parenting and child’s development. The narratives are analysed from the perspective of the meaning of mothering of young children, the mothers’ perceptions of their identities and parenting and the impact of their own childhood experiences on their mothering styles. It also contributes to understanding of the structuring (construction) of mothers’ identities. Biographical methods have long been used in education and human development studies to understand individual accounts of the life experience of individuals within the family and education system (Roberts, 2002; Wright, 2011; Waller, 2010). However they are also relevant and important in biographical studies of individuals who create the environment in which children grow up –​mothers, fathers, carers (Bronfenbrenner and Ceci, 1994; Bronfenbrenner and Morris, 2006). Low income and the socio-​economic status of the native-​born population (without an immigrant background) may be as ‘disadvantaged’ as those of families with an immigrant and ethnic-​ minority background, which is one of the crucial points in our study; however, a comparative perspective is often overlooked in such research. The perception of mothering by a self-​employed middle-​class native-​born English mother and a second-​generation immigrant mother of Afro–​Caribbean 103

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

heritage, who both live in one of the disadvantaged areas of Greater London, is the prime focus of this chapter. Application of the biographical method to interviews enabled the author to gain insight into mothers’ self-​reflection on the meaning of mothering in relation to intensive parenting. The chapter also reflects on the challenges and opportunities when interpreting biographical data on the meaning of mothering in relation to intensive mothering.

Methodology The meaning of mothering as discussed in this chapter explores the identities of mothers and ‘intensive parenting’. In recent years, the phenomenon of intensive parenting which was observed by Hays (1996), has been significantly enriched and further developed by scholars in Europe and North Americas (Arendell, 2000; Hochschild, 2001; Furedi, 2008; Lareau, 2011; Faircloth, 2014; Lee et al, 2014; Lareau, 2015;). Intensive parenting has been described by a variety of terms, such as concerted parenting (Lareau, 2015) and parenting on demand (Furedi, 2008), but also reflects the cultural aspects and stereotypes of bringing up children (for example, tiger mothers). Most of the research into intensive parenting has become associated with practices of middle-​class mothers, often working parents, with their availability to make up time to be involved in their children schooling (Lareau, 2015). Furedi, in particular, describes intensive parenting as ’parenting on demand’, a concept in child rearing due to the changing expectations of society (Furedi, 2008). Apart from the increased actual time that is spent with the children, parents, mothers in particular, are prepared to do whatever is required to meet the needs of their children. Societal expectations of the role of mothers are very high and are becoming more intensive, with recent research on parenting during the COVID-​19 lockdowns demonstrating that parents were expected to replace the missing link in providing home schooling for their children by extending their roles to those of teaching assistants (Adisa et al, 2021; Goudeau et al, 2021) and walking partners (Nurse and Robertson, 2022). The recent research also provides examples of how working-​class, unemployed or self-​employed, or ethnic-​minority mothers invest time and efforts within their daily routine to allow their children to succeed in their lives (Lee et al, 2014; Nurse, 2020; Gajek and Marchlik, 2021; Obrovská and Sidiropulu-​Janků, 2021). Procedures and participants The biographical data used in the analysis are taken from biographical interviews with native-​born British mothers from low-​income families with pre-​school and primary-​school children from Greater London conducted 104

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

by the author in 2018 as part of the Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society (ISOTIS) project (Nurse, 2020; Nurse et al, 2022). The main criterion in selection of subjects for the biographical interviews being that they were ‘native-​born’; all mothers who participated in the study were born in the UK; one interviewed mother was born in the UK to immigrant parents from the Caribbean. She was brought up in England. The biographical approach in the project’s qualitative study of native-​born women whose families were of low social and economic status enabled us to understand ‘the changing experiences and outlooks of individuals in their daily lives, what they see as important, and how to provide interpretations of the accounts they give of their past, present and future’ (Roberts, 2002, p 1). Analysis of the qualitative biographical interviews in the UK explored several research questions. How do women adjust their lives and perceive their mothering duties, especially when their children are still young? How do their own life experiences influence their attitudes towards mothering and how they reflect on mothering? The qualitative biographical interviews also provided factual evidence of their resources (both financial and cultural) and the experiences of parents from socially and economically disadvantaged groups as they relate to the preschool and primary-​school systems. The interviews were designed as (auto)biographical narrative interviews, and were conducted with mothers who were selected from the respondents of the quantitative survey of the larger project, using strict selection criteria with regards to their socio-​ economic status and ethnic origin (Nurse and Melhuish, 2018; Broekhuizen et al, 2019). The interview technique and structure used in the study were based on the concept of (auto)biographical interview, which was developed by German sociologist Fritz Schütze (2008) and adapted for the ISOTIS project. Each interview started with a request to tell the interviewer about the interviewee’s’ own life, followed by structured questions based on the objectives of the main study (Nurse and Melhuish, 2018; Nurse, 2020; Nurse et al, 2022). The two interviews for this chapter were first analysed as individual narratives and then comparatively as a ‘virtual’ dialogue of two mothers, based on the themes that evolved during coding, to compare their views and reflections on crucial life decisions as determined by their life circumstances and perception of their mothering roles. There is no indication the two women ever met in real life, and the ‘virtual’ dialogue between them was prompted by the mothers’ specific comments during the interview that the ‘other’ side of the street does not know how they feel and what they see as the right way to bring up children, and on the sacrifices that they have had to make for the sake of their children. Another significant feature of the material is that the interviews were conducted within an interval of one week and reflected events that were taking place in the mothers’ neighbourhood at that time. 105

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Findings “The other side of the street does not know how we feel” The mothers in this case study were both British-​born and were living in the Greater London area at the time of the interviews. Jasmine1 is of African–​ Caribbean heritage, and Beth2 is a white native English-​born mother. Both mothers are in their late 30s/​early 40s and each has two children of pre-​ primary and primary-​school age. Both the mothers and their respective families live in terraced houses in the same area. Jasmine describes herself as a Londoner; she has been living in the same house for most of her life from the age of 1, when her parents moved to London. Her mother was born in the Caribbean and moved to Birmingham at the age of 10. Her father was also born in the Caribbean. Her parents later divorced, and her father left the family and remarried. Jasmine was brought up by her mother, who still lives in the same house with Jasmine and her two children. She has always been very close to members of her extended family, especially her aunts. Jasmine’s ex-​partner, the father of her two children, is from South-​East Europe and does not live with them or indeed in the UK. He moved to London to work as a waiter, and, after not being able to settle in England returned to his home country where he lives with his own parents. Although Jasmine has two living children, she also mentioned her very first child died in infancy in the local hospital. Jasmine was visibly distressed when saying that she did not go to the same hospital when her second child was born. Jasmine’s daughter attends a Sunday school at the embassy of the European country of her ex-​partner in London to study her father’s language. Jasmine and the children regularly visit her ex-​partner and his family for a holiday, but she does not have a continuing relationship with him. Jasmine is concerned about the future of her children as the area in London where they live is a bad spot for street gangs. A few streets away is the house where the second mother, Beth, lives. Beth is married and lives with her husband and two sons who are of primary-​school and preschool age. Beth’s childhood was comfortable but insecure. The family kept moving around the country, and at some point, she was home-​schooled. Beth’s mother was the second wife of her father and was much younger than her husband. Beth has older half-​siblings, but her relationship with them had never been easy as they blamed her mother for the fact that their father got divorced. Beth’s mother and father split and separated when she was 11 years old. Her father cut her off from his new family life and he has never seen his grandchildren. Beth comes from a professional middle-​class family; her seemingly stable social background and high family expectations, but no material support from her family since she finished school meant that she worked very hard to live up to these expectations, 106

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

and –​she gives this as a reason why she tries not to be ‘too hard’ on her own children. Beth and her husband moved to their current house from where they lived previously in search of an affordable place to live, despite the fact that the area was known for racial rioting and has a high number of mixed-​heritage and ethnic minority-​g roup families. The two women’s biographical backgrounds could not be more different –​ one is from a white English background and a middle-​class family; the other woman is the second generation of an immigrant family, whose parents separated when she was very young. Both women were born in England and have university degrees; however, their own family circumstances and relationships meant that their views on raising children were quite strongly held. Mothering and life choices The selected cases demonstrate how mothers’ biographical circumstances contribute to their mothering identities, and also reflect on the role of class, race and family backgrounds in their perceptions of mothering. The issues of choice of lifestyle and where to live are present through the narratives of both mothers. For Beth and Jasmine, these were not something they had much say in. Beth and her husband moved to their current house to raise their family in a more comfortable home environment, but, in order to afford it, they have to live in a very culturally and racially diverse neighbourhood and confront the difficulties of integrating into a neighbourhood that had recently experienced one of the worst riots in British history3. For Jasmine and her children, the area is a more familiar one, where people of similar cultural origin and race live, most of whom are of immigrant background and of Caribbean origin. However, despite her not “ ‘feeling being out of place” ’ in the neighbourhood, she spoke in her interview about how keen she was to move out of the neighbourhood (to as far as Scotland), because she is fully aware of the dangers for her mixed-​heritage children (especially her son) of violence on the streets and bad habits that her children may learn from living there. The mothers’ choices about where to live and why were to some extent reflections of their own families’ upbringing, but mostly projected on their children’s future. Beth reflects on the lessons she learnt from her own mother about the need to do well at school in order to be in position to choose your lifestyle and where you may end up: ‘If they’re [meaning her children] going to have enough money in the future to be comfortable, they need to make that choice. They need to … or they need to at least understand and be told by their parents, that if you don’t make that choice, it may not work out for you, it 107

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

may be harder and may be more of a struggle. So I think I need to somehow make my children understand, that … you know what…’ Beth understands that it is a hard choice to make, and that parents’ circumstances have a deep impact on the lives of children. Her own biographical experience and that of her husband/​children’s father is the opposite. She explains that her husband: ‘feels very much that his parents let him down. They divorced at a point in time when he was in his mid-​teens, his father wasn’t there for him; his mother was, to be fair on her, trying to sort her own life out and making sure there was enough money coming in to keep a roof over their heads.’ This experience makes Beth very concerned for the decisions she makes: ‘As long as I can make sure that they understand that they have to work, nothing is free in this world and if you want it, you gotta work for it. It’s as simple as that. It’s as simple as that. And you gotta start young. It’s a hard lesson to learn and I just hope that I can teach it to them with as little problem as possible. I can already see that [X. older child] probably won’t be a problem, he is very very bright and I’m … I don’t think it’s gonna be an issue, but [Y. younger child] is quite lazy. [X]‌has a laziness too, but [X] is able to have a laziness because his intellect is there, [Y] may find it harder, so we will see.’ Previous research has demonstrated that preparing children for the future is considered to be the mother’s responsibility, the mother’s prime ‘task’ (Marshall, 1991; Murad, 2005; Laney et al, 2015). Beth and Jasmine take this task very seriously. Beth draws inspiration from her own mother and also her knowledge of what was missing in her husband’s upbringing. However, Jasmine as a single mother, has to rely on her own efforts and decisions: “Okay, one, I know that she [her daughter] can be whatever she wants to be. I keep telling her ‘as long as you try hard and do the best at what you’re doing, then obviously you will achieve whatever it is you want to do’ ”. At the same time, Jasmine is more concerned about how to support her younger son, who, like her daughter, is mixed-​heritage and has symptoms of autism. Jasmine understands that those factors may make her son’s life very challenging, and she is trying to mitigate this situation as much as she can: ‘In terms of my son, he could grow out of it, but again it is something that autistic kids seem to do, is trains; they like to line them up. He has 108

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

loads of trains, he’ll line up coins or he will line up, yeah, there’s tracks of it, there’s tracks on the [inaudible word], there’s trains everywhere, that’s the only … With my son, I was so happy that he asked me for a Thomas train, ‘cause we’ll go to the shops and he won’t want anything. And there’s like, I don’t even know what you are into. You’ve got all the latest cartoons, PJ masks, Peppa Pig, he won’t ask for anything. And one day he asked me for a Thomas train. I was so happy, I just bought it for him. So his collection has grown and grown and grown in Thomas, so [whenever we go] to the shop, and again, I’m a kind of person who … because he asked me for it, I don’t care how much it costs, he can have it, because it is something that he has asked me for. Whereas before he wouldn’t ask for anything.’ Jasmine reflects on the fact that, when her father left her mother, she was only 4 years old. Her mother brought her up on her own with the help of her extended family. There are quite a lot of people she could go to if she needs to. She has good extended family support. She also has a half-​sister to whom she is very close, despite the fact that she lives in Eastern Europe where her father moved to and re-​married. However, despite both mothers being concerned about their children’s future, Jasmine has more issues on her ‘list’ of concerns in terms of preparing her children for the future. Her concerns are about growing cultural diversity of the society and mothering of her mixed-​heritage children: ‘In terms living around here, I’ve also known it to be … not predominantly ‘Black’ [neighbourhood], but there are quite a lot of Black people around in [area of the city], the surrounding areas until you get kind of past [other area], then it changes into like like White, nearly White kind of people. So around here, this is what I’m used to, this is like a typical portrayal of like my colour. I don’t feel out of place here, like, my sister lives out in [other city] so she was the only … she and my brother were the only Black kids in the school at the time, whereas I haven’t had that kind of experience, because the kids –​when I went to school –​all the kids were mainly Black or White, there wasn’t like any other kind of race, but now there like everybody is in the schools.’ Although Jasmine does not have any problems with the changes herself, she is concerned about her children’s future: ‘Because they’re [her children] still quite young, I would say it’s okay, ‘cause obviously there’s the parks and stuff, but I think if my older son was alive, I think I would really have to worry about him, because 109

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

there’s always stabbings, there’s always gang postcode wars, so if you’re in [number], which is here, but then he goes up to [different area], that’s [different number], they’re asking your kids “What postcode are you from?’ ”and if you’re not from the right postcode or you say the wrong thing, they’re gonna stab you. They literally, every week in a local newspaper someone has been stabbed, a child has been stabbed.’ Jasmine adopts a very protective view as a mother, and does not want her children to see what takes place in their neighbourhood on a daily basis: ‘So I don’t also want my child to be seen or be seeing all of this stuff on the road. And my daughter likes to read as well, she’s really bright, she can read anything, I can’t leave my diary out, I can’t leave nothing, the child will sit down and read through my diary. So she reads the newspapers and said “Mummy what does this mean?” “Mummy when did this person get killed?” “Mummy why did this person get stabbed?”, and I’ve got to then read the article and tell her and explain to her what’s happened … ‘cause obviously she can read it, but it’s how much of it she can take in. She’ll know that it’s been stabbed, but she’s not gonna know the actual really why they’d been stabbed, i.e. they crossed [area] and they went into [other area]. Or these boys chased him down the road and stabbed him, she like “Why did they chase them mum?” I was like “I can’t tell you why they chased them.” ’ Jasmine has to make decisions for her two children under very difficult circumstances, relying only on her mother and extended family. The decisions include protecting her children from the influence of “the wrong crowd”: ‘So, it’s like I don’t even want her to go out and get mixed or see it. I kind of keep them … I want her to stay a child as long as possible and just let her see what there is for her to do and she is quite ambitious as well, she keeps telling me what she wants to do, so that’s basically a positive for me, because I say “You know what, you can be anything you want to be”. It changed now, today she wants to be a singer, tomorrow she wants to turn around and do this … Do you know what I mean? I will still … I’ll tell her every day “You can be whatever you wanna be, if you go to school and do your work and not worry about these stories that you are reading or hang around with the wrong crowd. Once you’re in with the wrong crowd and you can’t get out, it’s impossible, it’s impossible.” ’ Among the other difficult choices that the mothers faced was a decision to have children at the right time. The mothers’ decisions to have children 110

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

later in their lives were determined by their individual life circumstances and not by choice. Jasmine did not speak much about the first relationship that led to pregnancy and the tragic death of her first child in infancy from a congenital heart disease and was not specific about her age when had her first child. She only mentioned that “it was quite a long time ago”. She is more focused on her two living children. Beth reflected on when it was the right time to have their children based on their experiences of parenting and family circumstances: ‘If anyone asked me, if any of my younger friends asked me, you know … It’s fine to have babies in your 40’s, you know, in your late 30’s. Now I would say to them “Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Have them in your … have them whilst you are young. There’s no reason why you can’t. Have them while you are young and then go back to your career”. This kind of whole idea of ‘You have to get your career and go down that line and then you have your babies later …’. No, because what you don’t take into consideration is that if you have your children later in life, your parents are old. They really are. And you don’t think of old, of being old anymore. You know my mum’s 73, I don’t think of her being elderly. And yet, she is fragile and if I had my kids in my late 20s, it would’ve been much easier, maybe we would have had more support, but … but they are older and they can’t. We can’t expect them to … to help us in the way that grandparents in their 50s or early 60s could. So no, we don’t have that support, all our family live miles away, all our friends are at work, so no, I’m ‘under-​staffed’ really (laughs) when it comes to child care … I just have to blow my nose and get on with it.’ However, as Jasmine’s experience shows, this choice does not entirely depend on a woman’s individual choice or decision. Jasmine lost her first child when he died in infancy. One of the difficult choices that she had to make is not to go to the same hospital where her first child died: “I did not really want to keep going back there, ’cause, if I went back there, it would kind of bring up why he was born here, but he was not here … So that’s why I now changed hospitals to have my son somewhere else”. Jasmine had her two younger children later, and has had to bring them up as a single mother, because her partner could not settle in England and returned to his home country. She continued for a while dividing her time living between two countries, trying to keep their children close to their father, but decided, when her daughter started primary school and her younger son was diagnosed with ASD, autism spectrum disorder, that it was in the best interests of her children to be educated in England on account 111

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

of the quality of the education system and social services compared with their father’s country. Responses to societal expectations Modern mothers are exposed to an enormous amount of information about parenting through literature, schools, the media and social media (Marshall, 1991; Furedi, 2008). Societal expectations are high and demanding; mothers are thus pressurised by a corresponding desire for their children to succeed in their lives. Therefore, the need to communicate with family members and the other parent and to share their experiences about parenting issues that are pertinent to their children is very strong. This is how Beth describes her need to share experiences of parenting: ‘So I’ve read and now I realise that actually the best thing rather than reading a whole load of stuff is just to talk to other parents. So I talk to parents at schools, I go to meetings at schools that have been put on to try and teach parental skills. I’ve talked to friends who’ve got any girls, I’ve talked to friends who’ve got grown up sons…) The best advice I’ve ever had, and the advice that I probably use the most has come from mothers over the age of 65 (laughs). The older mothers … They do know, they really do know … so, yeah, I get it from everywhere.’ Jasmine’s experience is similar: ‘I speak to a few other parents. We are … some things we are similar with and then other things … we turn around and we listen and we’re like “Really? You do that?”. And some of the things are like, like “How can you let your child get away with that?” or “How are they ever gonna learn?” so there are some parents who are similar, again, it’s a culture thing, because all the ones who are like –​I’m just gonna say anyway –​all the ones that are Black, I think we’ve been brought up a certain way and then you can see from other cultures that they don’t have that kind of … that kind of, I don’t know, what’s the word? Like how they behave with their kids, like we just wouldn’t do it.’ However, what Beth is concerned about is not to make the same mistakes as her parents made, and on this she agrees with her husband, despite Beth’s admission that she doesn’t share “totally the same parenting style” with her husband: ‘When it comes to parenting, … we don’t totally have the same parenting styles, but our parents have completely different parenting 112

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

styles. When we do talk about parenting, quite a lot of the time it can be about us vocalising that we don’t want to make the same mistakes that our parents did. We are both very aware of those and we’re desperate to try and keep that fresh in our minds.’ Both mothers reflect on what is expected from them as good mothers throughout the narrations. However, compared to Beth, Jasmine does not discuss parenting with her ex-​partner at all: ‘That’s one thing we don’t discuss, his parenting. He seems like he’s more strict as well, but I was like “Even though you’re more strict with the kids, you’re making them gonna be like your enemy, because they don’t see you. When they come over here and they see you and all you’re doing is turning around and telling them off, that to me is like … how are you supposed to get to know them for who they actually are, when all you’re doing is turning around and telling them off?” So, I think it’s different from a male perspective, with him as well, being abroad and not having the input. But he had the opportunity to have the input, I asked him, I said “Do you want to be a part of your kids life?” and he told me “Yes” but he hasn’t shown me anything that I can turn around and say “Okay, well, that warrants your decision and for me to take that on board, because you’re not here to, to put it in place, so I can put it in place, but then what’s the follow through? There is no follow-​through, because you’re not here to put it in place”.’ Mothers’ hard decisions for the sake of the children’s future Beth’s children are only in the pre-​primary and primary schools, but their future is very much part of her concerns and her talks with her husband with whom she tries to find common ground regarding the choice of schools and eventually the next move: ‘We talk about how they should be schooled in the future; we will have a problem in this area, where there are no secondary schools for us to be able to send our boys. So there are secondary schools, but they are not the ones that we would wish them to go to. And luckily enough, we are, we are very lucky to be in a situation, where we can to a certain extent choose, so we are already thinking about what we do, when the children, when [her son] turns 7. … I’ve come from a private and grammar school background, all my family went to boarding schools. [My husband] has come from a state primary and state secondary education, which he feels very strongly let him down hugely, but he is still not adverse to state schools. … So educationally we are very 113

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

apart, but we, we talk. We talk constantly. If we didn’t, I would find parenting, I would be at a loss. I would be completely at sea.’ Although her children’s future is never far of Jasmine’s thoughts, she has too many things to consider, including moving to a place where her daughter can go to a university free of charge: ‘Like, obviously ‘cause my daughter wants to turn around, like obviously I’ve looked at universities and obviously the university fees, even for when I wanted to go to university, … before it was free, I think the year that I started was when university fees came in and then I had to pay for my university fees. But my daughter’s got it all planned out, she said “Mum, we’re moving to Scotland, because obviously if you go to Scotland you don’t pay for the fees.” I said “Okay, we’ll do whatever you want to do”. If I take [my son] out of this area as well, I know that he won’t get involved with all of the gang-​related stuff that you see going on. Hopefully by then something else [will] change and even [will go] back to normal or to be honest, it’s gonna get worse. So, I don’t know, and again going abroad, she likes to travel as well, so fees in Holland, they’re cheaper as well and the lessons are taught in English. We’ve looked it all up. She is quite bright. She knows what she wants. I said, whatever you need, I’m gonna try and help you to get what you need.’ However, as Jasmine’s ex-​partner has returned to his home country and does not have any intention of returning to England, she has to make decisions on her own. She also reflected that her ex-partner did not feel like part of his ethnic community here, as there are not a lot people from her ex-partner’s country in England. Communication between the children and their father has also become a problem. This is why Jasmine is taking her daughter to lessons to learn her father’s language: ‘It is hard, especially for the kids, from a kid’s point of view, but obviously I am so busy trying to do things with them and for them and obviously going to work. Obviously if I did have the help, it would be so much easier, but then obviously I have got my Mum and my aunties [who] help me out a lot, like sometimes [my auntie] will … take my daughter overnight and take her to school ‘cause the school is closer to my auntie’s house.’ Societal pressures on mothers regarding their children’s future give mothers no choice but to arrange their lives around their children’s needs. This often means they have to do this at the expense of their professional careers and 114

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

time, when their homes become work (the so-​called ‘reversal model in which home is work and work is home’ (Hochschild, 2001, p. 203), as in Beth’s case. Jasmine, as a single mother, has to seek child-​friendly jobs and rely on the support of her extended family –​her mother and her aunts. Pressures may be inherited from their own families. Beth’s recollection of her youth summarises this message: ‘I do remember actually, I will always remember for my entire life, my mother said to me when I was 17 and I was looking at what to do, whether I wanted to go to university or not, she said “You know darling, do you want to be a chief or an Indian?” and I remember saying “I want to be a chief ” but I didn’t really know what that meant and I certainly wasn’t ever kind of pushed enough and you know “o and bloody do your … go and do your homework now, you know you got you’re A-levels [exams] next week”.’ Although at the time she was not sure what it really meant to be ‘a chief ’, she realised that, in order to achieve something in her life, she had to work hard, whether at A-levels then, or her children’s educational needs now.

Discussion The mothers’ reflections on the meaning of mothering in this chapter are centred on their own biographical experiences and the experiences of their own mothers (which they re-​assess continuously) and their extended families. Both women came from families in which the mothers had to take responsibilities for bringing up their daughters, because their own marriages did not work. In Beth’s case, she had a traditional English middle-​class upbringing where she learnt the hard way how to achieve what she wanted in life and to succeed despite the odds. Beth had very little support from her own family, apart from her mother, once she finished school. Jasmine grew up in a single-​parent family of Afro–​Caribbean cultural heritage from the age of 4. However, a culture of extended family support, especially from her aunts, helped her mother to bring her up, and, in time, that help extended to her own children, with her aunts providing help to Jasmine who is now also a single mother. There is significant similarity in the mothers’ approaches to parenting their children. Their mothering style is very intensive, with a very clear vision that their hard work and sacrifice now will bear fruit for their children in the future. For example, they show consideration for their children’s growing environment: choice of an affordable comfortable family home in an area that they would probably not choose otherwise (Beth), or extra activities for the children to keep them away from the dangers on the streets 115

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

(Jasmine). They also arrange time to spend with the children by either working from home (Beth) or arranging to work hours that are suitable for taking care of children and engaging the extended family to look after the children (Jasmine). The mothers constantly reflected on their own childhoods, the care they experienced as children and the role of their mothers and extended families to avoid the mistakes of their own mothers. For both of them ‘raising children simply is an intensive task, and a loving mother necessarily wants to do it right’ (Phoenix et al, 1991, p 14; Hays, 1996). However, there are differences in the two mothers’ reflections and practices of mothering that are determined by their differences in race, cultural heritage, marital status and bringing up of children of mixed heritage. Issues that face mothers with children of a mixed heritage are a relatively under-​ researched area that undoubtedly requires special attention in relation to mothering. As Murad (2005, p 482) argues: ‘mixed families … could include mixed-​race, interfaith and international marriages and their biological children, as well as other family situations in which each parent brings a significantly different worldview and life experience to parenting and /​or in which one or both parents differ from their children in ways that are socially or politically significant.’ This approach explains the complexity of Jasmine’s identity as a mother of mixed heritage and as the mother of mixed-​culture children, and her intensive parenting and almost exaggerated sense of responsibility for the future of her own children, which she does not even discuss with her ex-​ partner, the father of her children. However, her efforts to keep in touch with his family and the provision of the opportunity for her daughter to learn her father’s native language is her way of doing her mothering ‘right’ (Hays, 1996). Jasmine feels the pressures of societal expectations more than Beth; she is self-​conscious about possibly being stigmatised as a not so ‘good parent’ because of her race (Phoenix et al, 1991, p 20) and because she is a single mother (May, 2010). It has also been observed that ‘if her child’s development is not normal, the blame falls on the mother’ (Marshall, 1991, p 83). The analyses of the meaning of mothering as explained by two mothers in the case study provided two interpretations of good mothering from mothers whose parenting styles can be described as ‘intensive’. Beth’s measured and well thought-​through mothering of her children is also selectively supported by views on good mothering provided by other parents and especially older mothers, rather than those of experts (Furedi, 2008). Jasmine has total trust in her intuition and her extended family 116

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

support. Beth’s reflections on a well-​structured routine and her constant checking on what is right for her children are extended to her parenting activism in the local area, of which she is very proud. Jasmine’s withdrawal from parenting activism may be explained by her single-​parent situation and also the fact that her own mother can give her a hand with her children when necessary. The type of neighbourhood where the families live played an important role in each mother’s preferences regarding their children’s future. However, their perceptions of the culturally diverse neighbourhood are significantly different due to their life experiences and connections within the neighbourhood. Jasmine, who was brought up in this neighbourhood and does not feel out of place in it, nevertheless clearly sees it as an unsuitable environment for her growing children: she is aware of its dangers and talks about moving to a different place. Beth initially was happy in the neighbourhood as it afforded an opportunity to own their family home and to explore other cultures, but she also reflected on the fact that White British families stay there only for short periods and then move on to other places. The mothers were not certain about new cultures in their neighbourhood to which they do not have strong connections or ‘memories’, which have been described as a ‘thread of continuity which binds multiple experiences into personal identity’ (Taylor, 2010, p 59). Within the neighbourhood, cultural contacts occur between families and children from different cultural backgrounds; however, changing dynamics within the neighbourhood due to increasing cultural diversity tend to create mistrust and negative attitudes to the extent that both the locals and the ‘newcomers’ feel that they are outsiders in the same place.

Conclusion Analyses of the two narratives suggest that the meaning of mothering is socially constructed and is connected with mothers’ identities and beliefs as a response to their biographical experiences. The importance of understanding mothers’ identity work is crucial in terms of battling with the stigmatisation of disadvantaged families and to provide an insight into the parent–​school relationship, which is an important factor in children’s development and success in life. The mothers’ identities undergo transformations through constant repositioning of their views on mothering in a constantly changing society as a result of what they see as opportunities and dangers for their children. One of the factors that prompts mothers to reflect on their identities and cultural aspects of mothering is their exposure to the challenges of different cultures; for example, when Beth moves to a culturally diverse area of the city, or Jasmine travels to the native country of her children’s father. Both mothers reflect on the 117

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

marginalisation of their situation in the neighbourhood in which they live and bring up their children. However, compared to thousands of disadvantaged families from low-​income families whose choice to move out of the disadvantaged neighbourhood is rather limited, mothers with higher education and professional jobs ‘work’ on the right choices for their children. Each type of ‘intensive parenting’ has an imprint of the mothers’ cultural and biographical reasoning, based on their interpretation of the societal expectations (Hochschild, 2001; Lee et al, 2014; Laney et al, 2015) and their own identity goals, one of which is to make sure that they do not repeat the mistakes of their own parents. Acknowledgements The narrative data used in the analysis was part of a qualitative biographical study of mothers conducted by the author in England as part of her work at the Department of Education, University of Oxford, which was a partner organisation in the EC-​funded H2020 ISOTIS project: ‘Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society’ (grant agreement number 727069). Notes Not her real name. No real names or ages were used in the analysis to protect the identities of the interviewees. 2 Not her real name. 3 The house prices in several parts of Greater London dropped significantly after the riots after a incident that took the life of a local resident. On 4 August 2011, police officers shot and killed a 29-​year-​old mixed-​heritage man called Mark Duggan in Tottenham, north London. This incident and the ensuing disrespect of his family –​for which the police later had to apologise –​sparked the biggest wave of civil unrest in Britain for a generation. Although, as the then Labour MP for Tottenham and shadow justice secretary David Lammy explained that ‘The 2011 riots were not “classic race riots” … “They involved vastly different communities –​black and white, north and south, middle-​class people, because the policing was poor, and we’ve seen 20,000 police officers go since 2010”… “It all comes back to the resources we’re putting into our communities.” Available from https://​www.newst​ates​man.com/​polit​ics/​2021/​08/​ lon​don-​r iots-​2011-​engl​and-​r iots-​pol​ice-​ten-​years-​dec​ade-​anni​vers​ary-​hap​pen-​again [Accessed on 5 September 2022] 1

References Adisa, T.A., Aiyenitaju, O. and Adekoya, O.D. (2021) ‘The work–​family balance of British working women during the COVID19 pandemic’, Journal of Work-​Applied Management, 13(2): 241–​260. Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4): 1192–​1207.

118

Mothering in a disadvantaged neighbourhood

Broekhuizen, M., Wolf, K., Francot, R., Moser, T., Pastori, G., Nurse, et al (eds) (2019) ‘Resources, experiences and support needs of families in disadvantaged communities. Integrative report D2.5. ISOTIS research report’ ISOTIS, [online] 27 November, available from https://www. isotis.org/en/publications/resources-experiences-and-support-needs-offamilies-in-disadvantaged-communities/​[Accessed 11 May 2021]. Bronfenbrenner, U. and Ceci, S.J. (1994) ‘Nature–​nurture re-​conceptualized in developmental perspective: a bioecological model’, Psychological Review, 101(4): 568–​586. Bronfenbrenner, U. and Morris, P. A. (2006) ‘The bioecological model of human development’, in R.M. Lerner (ed) Handbook of Child Development: Vol. 1. Theoretical Models of Human Development (6th edn), Hoboken, NJ: Wiley, pp 793–​828. Faircloth, C. (2014) ‘Intensive parenting and the expansion of parenting’, in E. Lee et al (eds) Parenting Culture Studies, London: PalgraveMacmillan, pp 25–​50. Furedi, F. (2008) Paranoid Parenting. Why Ignoring the Experts may be Best for your Child, London: Bloomsbury Publishing. Gajek, K. and Marchlik, P. (2021) ‘Polish low-​income mothers: conversion of human, social and cultural capitals through their lifetime’, Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 494–​508. Goudeau, S., Sanrey, C., Stanczak, A., Manstead, A. and Darnon, C. (2021) ‘Why lockdown and distance learning during the COVID19 pandemic are likely to increase the social class achievement gap’, Nature Human Behaviour, 5: 1273–​1281. Hays, S. (1996) The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Hochschild, A. (2001) The Time Bind: When Work Becomes Home and Home Becomes Work, New York: Owl Books. Laney, E.K., Lewis Hall, E., Anderson, T.A. and Willingham, M.M. (2015) ‘Becoming a mother: the influence of motherhood on women’s identity development’, Identity, 15(2): 126–​145. Lareau, A. (2011) Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life, With an Update a Decade Later, Berkeley, CA: University of California Press. Lareau, A. (2015) ‘Cultural knowledge and social inequality’, American Sociological Review, 80(1): 1–​27. Lee, E., Bristow, J., Faircloth, C. and Macvarish, J (eds) (2014) Parenting Culture Studies, London: Palgrave Macmillan. Marshall, H. (1991) ‘The social construction of motherhood: an analysis of childcare and parenting manuals’, in A. Phoenix, A. Woollett and E. Lloyd (eds) Motherhood. Meanings, Practices and Ideologies, London, Newbury Park, New Delhi: Sage Publications, pp 66–​85.

119

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

May, V. (2010) ‘Lone motherhood as a category of practice’, The Sociological Review, 58(3): 429–​443. Murad, N. (2005) ‘The politics of mothering in a ‘mixed’ family: an autoethnographic exploration’, Identities, 12(4): 479–​503. Nurse, L. (2020) ‘Construction of schooling time as part of mothers’ identities’, in E. Schilling and M. O’Neill (eds) Frontiers in Time Research –​ Einfuhrung in die interdisziplinare Zeitforschung, Berlin: Springer, pp 287–​310. Nurse, L. and Robertson, C. (2022) ‘Hearing and feeling the music in every step: musical walks and biographical experience of lockdown’, Irish Journal of Sociology, 31(1). Special Issue: Walking Methods in Social Research. https://​doi.org/​10.1177/​079160​3522​1136​818 Nurse, L. and Melhuish, E. (2018) ‘Parent in-​depth interview study. Technical report’, ISOTIS research report, ISOTIS, [online] 31 October, available from https://​www.iso​tis.org/​en/​publi​cati​ons/​par​ent-​in-​depth-​ interv​iew-​study-​techni​cal-​rep​ort [Accessed on 10 March 2023]. Nurse, L., Sidiropulu-​Janků,K., Obrovská, J., Gajek, K. and Mbiatong, J. (2022) ‘The place of religious and non-​religious values and beliefs in identities of mothers of young children: methodological approach and empirical evidence from the European comparative perspective’, in A. Kuusisto (ed) The Routledge International Handbook of the Place of Religion in Early Childhood Education and Care, Abingdon: Routledge, pp 194–​212. Obrovská, J. and Sidiropulu-​Janků, K. (2021) ‘Resilience capacity and supportive factors of compulsory education in ethnic minority families: mixed-​methods study of Czech Roma mothers,’ Contemporary Social Science, 16(4): 480–​493. Phoenix, A., Woollett, A. and Lloyd, E. (eds) (1991) Motherhood. Meanings, Practices and Ideologies, London, Newbury Park, New Delhi: Sage Publications. Roberts, B. (2002) Biographical Research, Buckingham, PA: Open University Press. Schütze, F. (2008) ‘Biography analysis on the empirical base of autobiographical narratives. How to analyse autobiographical narrative interviews –​Part one and two’, European Studies on Inequalities and Social Cohesion, No 1/​2pp 153–​242.No 3/​4 Łodz: University of Łodz Publishing. Taylor, S. (2010) Narratives of Identity and Place, London: Routledge. Waller, R. (2010) ‘Changing identities through re-​engagement with education: narrative accounts from two women learners’, in A.M. Bathmaker and P. Harnett (eds) Exploring Learning, Identity and Power through Life History and Narrative Research, London: Routledge, pp 55–​69. Wright, H. (2011) ‘Using biographical approaches to explore student views on learning and teaching’, Enhancing Learning in the Social Sciences, 3(3): 1–​22.

120

6

Giving voice to Irish mothers experiencing separation and divorce Rosemary Crosse and Michelle Millar

Introduction This chapter highlights the importance of utilising feminist methodology to amplify previously silenced voices of women in Ireland who have undergone a dissolution of marriage. Based on lived experiences, the voices of women in this research contest historically prescribed normative accounts of motherhood. Listening to previously silenced voices of women generates a firsthand understanding of historical, cultural and social processes on the lived lives of mothers. Feminist researchers seek to identify the subjective meanings that women assign to events and conditions in their lives, disregarding the traditional objective perspective that has historically dominated social science research, which seeks to gather information that relates to historical change, cultural events or the impact of social structures on individuals. Indeed, Lentin (1993) argued that the development of feminist research methodologies constituted a new paradigm, inviting scholars to pay attention to difference, women’s voices and lived experiences. At a basic level and central to a feminist perspective is the view that researching accounts of women is not just about redressing an imbalance in the making and telling of history but a means of identifying possible continuities with women’s oppression in the present (Chamberlayne et al, 2000). Our research aimed to explore if and how interactional, social, cultural and historical conditions mediate women’s stories: as Marx observed, men and women ‘make their own history but not … under conditions that they have chosen for themselves; rather on terms immediately existing, given and handed down to them’ (Marx, 1852/​1983, cited in Denzin, 1989, p 10). Reflecting this assertion, our research required a methodology that could provide for a deeper understanding of constraining social structures on individual lives. Biographical narrative data collection and the voice-​ centred relational method of analysis provided a means by which this could be achieved. Biographical research or biographical sociology is somewhat undefined, and encompasses terms such as narrative, biography, life history and life 121

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

story, which are increasing in popularity. The defining feature of such research and a contributing factor to its rise in popularity is surmised by Shantz (2009, p 117), who states that biographical studies are ‘not simply the study of individual life but offer a unique approach to understanding individual–​societal relations’ in a move away from traditional structure–​ agency dichotomies. Other contributing factors to the rising popularity of biographical research processes have been attributed to their suitability for exploring subjective and cultural formations and tracing interconnections between the personal and the social (Jones, 2003). Biographical and narrative methods of research have continued to evolve, prioritising the voice of the teller. The voice-​centred relational method is a participatory and systematic approach to eliciting personal experience narratives. According to Byrne (2021, p 292), ‘listening and reading are conjoined as accounts are read with attention to various aspects of voice; the teller telling a whole story, the reader’s response, listening for how the narrator speaks about themselves, about relationships with others and the specific social and cultural contexts that are raised for our notice’. The attraction of the voice-​centred relational method lies in the precedence given to the teller’s own story before other re-​tellings (Byrne et al, 2009). Our research highlights the voice of 15 mothers who were of Irish nationality, English-​speaking, and who were legally separated under the Judicial Separation and Family Law Reform Act 1989 or divorced under the Family Law (Divorce) Act 1996, and had children of primary school age at the time of separation/​divorce. The majority of the participants interviewed for this study presented narratives that contained similar experiences, which persisted across what became known as the three stages of the separation experience. These stages are ‘before separation’, ‘during the legal separation process’ and ‘after the legal process’. This research amplified the voices of the mothers through use of biographical narrative interviews that exposed shared experiences of intimidation, constraint, uncertainty and responsibility, which are presented in the form of common stories told. These experiences are linked to differences and inequalities between mothers and fathers, with the consequences of such being more pronounced for mothers who are of a lower socio-​economic status. Ultimately, Irish family law works from the concept of ‘proper provision’, but difficulty arises when this cannot or is not being achieved via the ministrations of the court. As Crowley (2011, p 233) states ‘it is difficult to confidently assert that proper provision can be consistently and fairly secured in every instance’. In the numerous cases where courts fail to provide for the needs of the family, there is no policy direction available and therefore no articulated way to address such issues (Crowley, 2011). Such failure has frequently resulted in situations where women end up moving from one 122

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

form of dependency to another –​from spouse to state. Difficulties with lack of direction in terms of non-​compliance with maintenance orders as well as access orders mean that, in many instances, family law unwittingly imposes responsibility for children in terms of finances and care on the shoulders of mothers through lack of proper procedure and policy goals. The lack of official statistics on all separation agreements, maintenance payments and adherence to such arrangements means that the extent of these issues is for the most part unrecorded (Mahon and Moore, 2011). Despite changes in the position of mothers in Irish society in recent times, the legacy of cultural and attitudinal inherencies has meant that mothers who have conformed to traditional roles and/​or are second earners are disadvantaged at the time of divorce, particularly in lower socio-​economic households. The traditional female life course centred on child-​rearing that was ingrained by the state and society is being extended by an imposed obligation on women to assume two roles, that of earner and carer. This is evident in family law as it pertains to divorce. Adhering to the traditional homemaker role in marriage results in deficits in work experience, social capital and access to income, making these women dependent on the state following marital dissolution. The research concludes that the Irish policy response to lone parents is not meeting the needs of mothers who have experienced a legal separation or divorce. Our research has profound implications for future studies in the field of Irish social policy. It highlights how the Irish social policy approach to formerly married lone parents maintains dependence through the current legal apparatus of the state, with barriers to progression and autonomy identified in social welfare, employment and law. We begin by historically situating the position of women in Irish society, examining the broader context from/​in which mothers in Irish society are positioned. This section explores various aspects of the relationship between mothers, society and the state, in order to ascertain how such context has shaped their experiences of marital dissolution, with particular emphasis on social welfare, employment and law. We then describe the methodological approach to the research, detailing the profile of the participants and the use of the voice-​centred relational method of analysis as a means of exploring ‘individuals’ narrative accounts in terms of their relationships to the broader social, structural and cultural contexts in which they live’ (Mauthner and Doucet, 1998, p 126). The findings accentuate experiences of difference between genders in all of the stories told. These underline the constraining structural forces such as attitudes and cultural norms. Differences between men and women, mothers and fathers, and role expectations, as well as respect for those with community prominence and traditional views on marriage, are all examples of structural forces encountered by the women in this study. 123

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

We conclude the chapter by discussing how the traditional female life course in Ireland, which centred on child rearing and was historically compelled by state and society, is being eroded and replaced by an obligation on women to assume the roles of both earner and carer, highlighting differences in the state’s treatment of mothers and fathers in cases of marital dissolution.

The historical position of women in Irish society Carer roles and career interruptions imposed on women as a consequence of historical policy have resulted in disadvantage in terms of availability and capability in the labour market, which has yet to be recognised, with the reality being that the earning potential of women in post-​divorce situations is often reduced (Steiner, 2007). Historically, the position of women in Irish society was defined by their connection to and immersion in the family; whereby women were predominantly characterised by their relationship with men as part of a taken-​for-​g ranted cultural milieu. The traditional division of gender roles was for the husband to be the breadwinner while the wife’s role was to look after the home and children. Resources and responsibilities within the family were heavily biased in favour of men, and developed patterns of subordination of women’s needs and interests that were structurally and culturally supported (O’Connor, 1995) and whereby traditional assumptions about the role of women mirrored the teachings of the Catholic church and were enshrined in the constitution of Ireland. Article 411 of the Irish constitution exposes different models of citizenship for men and women based primarily on the sexual division of labour, reflected in minimal state intervention in family life (Fahey, 2003). However, it was not only the conservatism of the state entrenched in Catholic ideology that was responsible for preserving different models of citizenship. Despite the efforts of women’s organisations such as the Joint Committee of Women’s Societies and Social Workers, the National University Women Graduates’ Association and the Irish Women Workers’ Union; the notion of equal citizenship was vehemently opposed by the political leaders of the state as well as by those in the upper echelons of the trade union movement. This opposition was evident in the curtailment of women’s access to employment via the marriage bar2 (Kennedy, 2001), highlighting the entrenchment of the strong ideological current that exalted women’s roles as homemakers. What Connolly describes as the ‘gender regime’ was firmly embedded in the state’s public policy system and was particularly evident in areas of social welfare, paid employment and law (Connolly, 2003). An ideological construction of marriage and a woman’s place in the family were part of the traditional ethos of the Irish state. Despite gains made by the first wave of feminism, prior to the foundation of the state in 1922, in terms of access to education and employment opportunities for young 124

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

single women, employment for married women was a non-​issue due to the deeply entrenched importance placed on women’s domestic and mothering roles. The state’s position on women in employment was defined by the same attitudes to gender that shaped the views of the state elite on marriage (Connolly, 2003). Restrictions on women’s employment included the marriage bar, restrictive trade union practices (seen in the Conditions for Employment Act 1935) and gender-​differentiated pay, all of which mirrored the cultural environment at that time (Yeats, 1997). The economic and social climate that existed from the foundation of the state until the 1960s ensured that women (particularly married women) were not attached to the labour market and were therefore dependent on their husbands for income. The job-​scarce economy and the belief that women’s primary role was that of domesticity, as well the view that male workers were breadwinners, all enforced women’s roles within the private sphere of the family (Yeats and Stoltz, 1995). From the 1960s, new reforms represented a paradigm shift in the state’s response to women, central to which was the establishment of the Commission on the Status of Women. This, in conjunction with Ireland’s membership of the European Economic Community in 1973; has been perceived as laying the groundwork for many of the legislative reforms and other measures that helped to bring about change for the better in women’s lives, particularly over the course of the ensuing decade (Yeats, 1997). The eventual introduction of social protection payments in the 1970s and 1980s, and legislative reforms in the area of women’s employment, improved women’s position somewhat. While changes in the status of women over recent decades have been characterised by the large-​scale movement of women into the labour market, there has been no corresponding increase in the participation of fathers in homemaking. Research from Ireland shows that, in traditional breadwinner households, differences in overall committed time to work between genders are negligible (McGinnity and Russell, 2008).

Methods The authors sought 15 mothers of Irish nationality, who were English-​ speaking, legally separated and/​or divorced, with children of primary school age at the time of separation/​divorce. The participants were from various parts of the country and were aged from their mid-​twenties to late sixties, with one to five children (mean 2.73). Some had a legal separation but had not divorced; others had both a legal separation and a divorce decree. Participants were accessed using snowball sampling, a process of accumulation of referrals (Atkinson and Flint, 2001). The promise of snowball sampling lies in its ability to uncover aspects of social experience that are often hidden from view. Initial contact was made via a personal network approach. 125

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Two-​thirds of the women were dependent on social protection for some or all their income since separation despite none of them being dependent on social protection during marriage. One of the participants continued to work full-​time during her marriage, three worked part-​time for some or all their marriage, and 11 were full-​time homemakers during marriage. The sampling technique in this case enabled us to obtain organic, in-​depth knowledge about mothers who had experienced marital dissolution and their subsequent experience of being situated at the lower end of the economic stratum and all that that entails. The voice-​centred relational method of analysis was employed to analyse the data, as it explores ‘individuals’ narrative accounts in terms of their relationships to themselves, their relationships to the people around them and their relationships to the broader social, structural and cultural contexts in which they live’ (Mauthner and Doucet, 1998, p 126). Mauthner and Doucet’s (1998) adaptation of the Voice-​Centred Relational Method revolves around three to four readings of interview text, each time listening to and highlighting aspects of the narrative, which allows each transcript to be considered from many perspectives. The four readings are: • • • •

Reading One: reading for the plot and our responses to the narrative Reading Two: reading for the various voices of the participant Reading Three: reading for relationships Reading Four: placing people within cultural contexts and social structures.

NVivo was utilised as a data management tool. Qualitative data analysis is a fundamentally subjective and interpretive process according to Mauthner and Doucet (1998), therefore utilisation of NVivo is justified for data management only (Crosse and Millar, 2017). Subsequently, the individual narratives were amalgamated into a single document under the headings of the four readings, and thematic analysis was conducted to allow thorough examination of the themes, from which collective experiences emerged. These collective experiences formed the basis of stories told in the following section.

Stories of difference The three stages of the separation experience presented in the narratives are before separation, during the legal separation process, and after the legal process. Stories of difference appear consistently throughout the three stages of the individual analysis, and portray the experiences of Irish mothers who have experienced marital breakdown. A number of the participants referred to the fact than men and women are still viewed very differently, in the workplace and by Irish society in 126

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

general. This differential treatment of men and women was prevalent in the workplace according to Chloe; she speaks about assumptions made by others that, because her new husband was earning good money, she would give up working: ‘Jesus, you’ll be giving up your job soon’ … he perceived that my husband must’ve been on huge money and therefore I wouldn’t need to be working; like there was no recognition that well that was my husband’s income not mine”. For many, differences between genders were evident in society generally, particularly when it comes to family responsibilities. Sasha outlines how men and women are perceived differently in this way: ‘When a separation happens, the responsibility really, generally I think becomes the mother’s responsibility for everything and if the father decides to feck off somewhere else after you know. But if I decided to feck off and decided I’m not doing this, I don’t want this responsibility, you, you’d be demonised, there is a very different view of women and men in it.’ In addition to perceived differences between genders, many spoke about how they experienced marked differences between the status of mothers and fathers within Irish society. Sandy was of the view that there is no respect for mothers and the caring work they do: ‘Well I feel at times that mothers, they don’t get credit for everything that we do, because we don’t tick that box on a form? They ask you what is your occupation … they don’t have mother down there, or if you’re at home looking after your children they say “Oh gosh you’re scrounging”, you’re not you’re working hard every day, you know.’ In contrast, married fathers who fulfil no such caring role automatically under law get recognition and respect in terms of rights but without obligations when it comes to matters pertaining to children, according to Chloe: ‘Fathers are not obliged and you know judges will not grant an order insisting that fathers see their children or take their children for any degree of access. Yet on the other hand, fathers are granted joint custody, which means that they are involved in the decisions of their children’s lives. They’ve an opinion on everything, they’re entitled to have an opinion, they’re entitled you know to make decisions but they’re not actually on the hump for you know the responsibilities that go with that, so that’s the most frustrating thing.’

127

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Grace believes that fathers have always had the privilege to do as they please: ‘I think fathers should … there should be something that they have to help you know, take part in and be there, you know. They should want to bloody be, they should just want to by the nature of it and there is nothing. I mean fathers from time and immemorial could just walk away whenever they so deemed to, end of story and the mother is left.’ Many of the women talked about the differences in roles and expectations between mothers and fathers, particularly when it comes to parenting. The consensus of the women was that they have very little choice when it comes to caring, as expectations are on mothers to fulfil such roles. Avril speaks about having to do it all, not just because it is expected but because she has no choice, as there is no one else: ‘We just have to get on with it. If I fell apart tomorrow morning who is going to mind the kids? We have to stay strong, it’s as simple as that … cause the women take on the role cause they have to, you rarely hear of a woman up and taking off like, what I mean and if you do Jesus tonight, sure they’re the worse thing in the world, but the men do it all the time.’ The belief that it is mothers who are liable for care work places immense strain on women in situations of marital breakdown according to the majority of participants. Sasha talks about the contradiction that exists in terms of fulfilling the role expectation and the lack of expectations on fathers on the one hand, and the attitudes towards mothers who are separated on the other: ‘I suppose the thing that people don’t understand is that you become the sole adult responsible for your children. The woman does, you know men can and often do opt out … no-​one, no-​one thinks anything of that and then people look down their noses at you for being a single parent. There really still is a huge, a huge stigma with that, you know you go from being a respectable married person in the eyes of society to being a lone parent and it’s a very big attitude shift.’ Even though all of the mothers in this study fulfilled such role expectations, all of them experienced some form of stereotype or labelling at some stage during the separation process. Betty talks about the general attitude towards separated mothers that she experienced; she maintains that Irish people’s conception of marital breakdown is outdated: ‘Some people would’ve been very negative you know and very kind of old-​fashioned in their views, “Ah well you know, tis your own fault” kind 128

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

of job and that kind of, a bit sickening really … It’s awful really, so yea Ireland needs to get with the times I think … that’s what the problem is.’ Such attitudes were more pronounced in situations where ex-​husbands had a prominent presence in the local community. The women who spoke of this situation maintained that respect for ex-​husbands and their positions had a direct effect on how they themselves were treated following separation; a couple of participants spoke about community respect for their husbands and how attitudes towards them had changed after separation. Steph spoke about how she was let go from her social group as a consequence of separating from her husband, and how that affected her emotionally: ‘You couldn’t make it up now, if somebody else told me that, I wouldn’t have believed it until I lived in it myself. A lot of Tony’s friends, a lot of his friends, a lot of my friends, so-​called … I moved and they just let me go you know, they didn’t fight for me you know, that hurt, that hurt, so it has, it has a knock-​on effect you know and it is very hard, it’s just sad really you know.’ Two-​thirds of the women spoke about prevailing traditional views on marriage and how difficult it was to live a life that contradicted such views. Many fought with the idea of living outside of the conventional family unit as beliefs of family based on marriage were very much inherent within themselves. Sasha speaks about battling to save her marriage because of such beliefs: ‘I’ve tried and tried and tried and there is no saving this, you know you feel, you feel like you let your children down really you know, you want to stay with their father, you want to, you know live in the conventional family, cause that’s what we’ve been brought up to believe is the correct way.’ For others, it was traditional views on marriage emanating from the community that were difficult to deal with; for example, Fay had to deal with a lot of public scrutiny following her separation and speaks about being made to feel as if she was wrong separating from her husband: ‘The whole thing that got me down was that I was wrong cause I was trying to get out of my marriage, I was trying to end it, I was pulling my children away from their father, I just felt, every step of the way everyone was looking at me, “You’re wrong”. I had to do it and basically head up and fight your corner; but you have fight, that was the trouble of it.’ 129

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

A third of the participants were of the belief that the teachings of the Catholic church were responsible for such persistent views; Chloe speaks about being penalised by society for her marriage ending: ‘I feel that this country penalises you, you know hangover Catholic Ireland; this country penalises you for making a mistake in your marriage, and by God you’re going to pay for it, you know you are going to pay for it and you are going to pay for it for years.’ Gina, among others, spoke about experiencing criticism from the local priest because she was separated from her husband; this was referred to by some of the women particularly when speaking about experiences of participating in religious ceremonies: ‘It was a case of “Where’s the child’s father” and I said “Not in the picture anymore” and I was basically told I was a very bad person for not staying with the child’s father … I mean I didn’t tell him I was married, I didn’t tell him my child was born within marriage, it’s none of his business, but the fact that he was judging you cause there was no father there … I think the church has a lot of catching up to do, definitely.’ Structural forces that are inherently part of the Irish cultural environment, such as differences between men and women, mothers and fathers, and role expectations, as well as respect for those with community prominence and traditional views on marriage are perceived by many of the participants to be intrinsic in the operations of the state. These are recognised as creating and maintaining differences between genders. The majority of mothers spoke about their experiences of feeling inferior to their (ex)-​husbands in terms of their treatment by state systems, particularly the legal system: first, in terms of how they experienced legal proceedings pertaining to dissolution of the marriage, and second, in terms of the state’s non-​interventionist approach to enforcing parental responsibilities on fathers. Fay believed that her legal representatives treated her in a biased way. Her legal aid solicitor and the solicitor she subsequently paid to represent her in legal proceedings pertaining to her judicial separation actively discouraged her from going after her ex-​husband for the family home and financial support: ‘I mean I got statements like “Oh a little thing like you, you’ll be alright, you’ll find someone to look after you, you don’t have to chase him for everything” … and even he reckoned there was no need to overdo it. There was no need to go after him for everything; and all these people have never met him and they’re just like “The poor man 130

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

like, this woman is …”; the biggest learning curve that I got anyway is the whole lot is not set up for the women and children.’ Experiences of the family law courts were prominent throughout all narratives. Some of the women spoke about not having a voice in the proceedings. Descriptions such as ‘a circus’, ‘I was just a mammy’, ‘male-​ dominated’, ‘little boys club’ and ‘no-​one on my side’ dominated the stories, highlighting a perceived differentiation between genders within the legal process of separation and divorce. The legal system’s non-​interventionist approach to enforcing the parental responsibilities of fathers was one of the biggest issues to emerge from the data. The fact that 14 of the 15 women spoke about this in some form or another stresses the extent of this issue for all of the participants. Gina speaks about how it is the responsibility of the mother to pursue maintenance, and outlines some of the steps that she has taken to secure the court-​ ordered maintenance: ‘The court system has changed even further, now they won’t follow it up if it goes into arrears. I had to submit letters in writing, I have to send him a letter in registered post, I have to do it all now, and again I’m getting back letters that I’ve sent up; so at least with the courts he didn’t fight them, once he saw a government stamp on something, but he’s making even more awkward now, I mean this is still happening and I don’t think it’s ever going to stop really.’ The issue of maintenance emphasises a significant differentiation between genders when it comes to determining parental responsibilities. Fourteen of the mothers in this study had obtained some form of maintenance agreement through legal means, through maintenance orders or as part of a separation agreement. Eleven of them have had and continue to have problems obtaining maintenance payments from ex-​husbands, the majority of whom pay no maintenance. The fact that enforcement of such orders is the responsibility of women was referred to a number of times throughout the narratives. Grace’s reflections highlight the difficulties faced by the women in this study who were not in receipt of the court-​ordered maintenance: ‘As I found out afterwards there is no follow-​up, they could award you what they like, you know to be paid, for the husband to pay or father of the children, and there is no real follow-​up to that. They’re told that this is what, this is the order and they have to pay it into the courts or whatever, but if they don’t, you have to wait till, you have to take them back to court yourself. That is up to you, if you want to 131

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

go through that whole process again and you go again and they will give the same order or whatever and then it just starts all over again. Like, there is no definite thing in place that says if he doesn’t, there is a huge, there’s some reprimand for it you know.’ All of the mothers spoke about this differentiation in responsibility between parents; the fact that there was no onus on fathers to financially provide for their children. Avril refers to the fact that fathers still have power over mothers in terms of dictating finances, enabled by non-​intervention of the courts: ‘They dictate, they dictate, still, absolutely, it takes two to make a child, like what I mean … one can bring them up, but financially … what I mean, and they get away scot-​free and nothing, like there’s no onus on men to … you know.’ The issue of financial responsibility being imposed on mothers through the courts’ non-​interventionist approach to maintenance payments was perceived to be exacerbated by rules and regulations surrounding social protection payments. All of the mothers found themselves having to become the main financial provider for the family, with the majority of them having to avail themselves of social protection assistance following separation. Many spoke about trying to claim the ‘one-​parent family payment’, and, as maintenance is counted as means when calculating benefits, many found themselves in situations where they had to prove non-​receipt of maintenance. While such payments were indeed court-​ordered they were not necessarily set up to be paid through the courts, leaving mothers in a situation where proof was impossible, and resulting in mothers being means-​tested on maintenance payments that were not paid at all. Avril, like others, found herself in a situation where she could not prove non-​receipt of maintenance, and as a result received no social protection payments, a situation that took her three years to redress: ‘The social welfare, initially, you see when I applied for lone parents I had to send off my papers, my separation and divorce … my maintenance was so high, I was rich on paper so all they saw was that I was getting this big maintenance; I was over three years waiting on lone parents, three years … I wasn’t getting any payment you see.’ Fay found herself in a similar predicament whereby her maintenance was counted as means until she could prove otherwise: ‘Maintenance … I never got any of it … then, it was always going to stand against me no matter what I applied for; but they’re saying 132

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

“but sure aren’t you getting a €100 a week off your husband?”; well actually I’m not. Well then that’s ok, that’s fine, you have to get him now to put in writing that he’s not giving you a €100 a week, and I said “I can only ask him”. So I asked him [laughs] and that didn’t exactly work and he says “Not at all, sure look it if they ask me I’ll just say I’m giving you cash.’ Many spoke about issues pertaining to differentiation between mothers and fathers in relation to caring responsibilities, highlighted by experiences pertaining to access and the fact that, although all fathers were granted access rights to their children, almost two-​thirds of the fathers in this study chose not to adhere to such arrangements and in some situations had no contact with their children following separation or at some stage afterwards. As Sasha said: ‘And it’s really annoying that, that these men can just decide to opt out, they just decide they’re not doing it, it’s really frustrating. It is … that you can go back to being a single person with no responsibilities, you have your money so you go out when you want, you, you know you don’t have, you know you just go back to being single person with no responsibilities so easily, so, so easy.’ So far, stories of differences spoken about by the participants have highlighted perceived differences between mothers and fathers by society and how those differences are manifested in public institutions, in terms of the legal and social protection systems specifically. These experiences had the effect of making the women feel that they were unsupported; many of the women spoke about this in relation to both the legal and the social protection system. Diane’s statement that “nobody stands up for the women” echoes many of the women’s experiences. Many felt that they were being blamed for their situations and often internalised that blame: ‘Nobody stands up for the women, really. At no point did anybody … encourage you to stand up for yourself, at no point did anybody say you know it’s not your fault or you don’t have to take on the whole blame of … cause I believed that it was. It was all my fault, so I had to let him do … you know let him get whatever he wanted and I’d say a lot of women are that vulnerable, and, and nobody ever … yes there was free legal aid but they didn’t say you shouldn’t be doing that like, let’s fight that, let’s you know.’ A number of the participants had the same view of the social protection system; many spoke about not having support from this state institution at a 133

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

time when they are dealing with the trauma of a separation. Ann’s reference to this reflects other experiences in relation to this issue: ‘You’re already going through the trauma of a, a divorce or a breakup or a separation and then you have to cope with this, so you’re going just from one bad situation to another bad situation, I … I think it’s hard on women like I think they don’t get half enough support.’ For others, it was the lack of enforcement of court orders that impacted upon their responsibility for financially providing for their families. Avril explains how solving this one issue would take the financial pressure off her and result in her not being financially dependent on social protection: ‘We had nothing, like if the man paid me the maintenance, I’d be laughing, you know I probably wouldn’t even need the lone parents. I probably wouldn’t get it anyhow, but … if I have my maintenance, I wouldn’t be in debt or you know what I mean, now I’m not looking for luxury lifestyle or anything like that you know but just not panicking all the time about bloody bills … it’s crazy.’ Similarly, Grace found paying for even the basics difficult: ‘Financially it was, was huge, yeah trying to you know do everything I suppose. I mean clothe your children you know, keep them in sport you know … but it was other things, if anything went wrong with your plumbing or electricity or any. You were, oh you were snookered, there was nothing in place. I think fathers should be hugely made responsible for their children; he wasn’t.’

Conclusion The narratives of the participants in this study contain stories of difference, embedded in the three stages of the separation experience. Despite gains made in the re-​configuration of Ireland’s gender regime and new reforms that represented a paradigm shift in the state’s policy response to women (Connolly, 2003), including legislative reforms and other measures that helped to bring about change for the better in women’s lives (Smyth, 1988), Irish attitudes towards gender equality remain traditional and conservative (Inglehart and Norris, 2003). Explicit references to experiences of difference between genders in all of the stories told highlight how structural forces that are inherently part of the Irish cultural environment, such as attitudes and cultural norms, are maintaining differences between men and women and mothers and fathers. 134

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

Many of the women spoke about differences being evident in society generally, particularly when it comes to family responsibilities in terms of roles and expectations between mothers and fathers. Inglehart and Norris (2003) maintain that Irish society demonstrates less egalitarian beliefs and attitudes about the appropriate division of sex roles among men and women, consistent with the views of the women in this study. Numerous references to mothers being left with responsibility for their household’s care and financial provision were common, as was the view that fathers could always walk away from families with expectations being on mothers to fulfil caring roles with no option to do otherwise. Such views and experiences concur with findings from other research (Millar et al, 2007; Moore, 2010). The fact that fathers did not adhere to access arrangements in two-​thirds of the cases in this study and there was minimal contact between fathers and children in the rest of the cases resulted in all of the participants in this study describing themselves as single parents. Becoming a single parent in Irish society was particularly tough for the majority of the women. Their fulfilment of their own role expectations, and the lack of expectations on fathers on the one hand and attitudes towards single mothers on the other, were common experiences that were difficult for the women to reconcile. The issue of stigma in relation to lone parenthood from an Irish perspective has been explored extensively (Millar et al, 2007; Moore, 2011; Crosse and Millar, 2019; Kelly and Millar, 2019; Bradley and Millar, 2021). Consistent with those studies, for the women in this study, being welfare-​dependent and single mothers revealed another layer of stigma perpetrated specifically against those who are of a lower socio-​economic status. Structural forces such as attitudes and cultural norms surrounding traditional views on marriage, and differences between men and women and mothers and fathers, were perceived by many of the women to be to be intrinsic in the operations of the state. Experiences of the legal process were beset with perceived inequalities in terms of representation, about not having a voice in the court proceedings; descriptions such as ‘I was just a mammy’, ‘male-​dominated’, ‘little boys club’, ‘a circus’ and ‘no-​one on my side’ dominated stories of court experiences. This highlighted a perceived differentiation between genders and consequent feelings of inequality. Such thoughts are similar to other women’s experiences of family law courts in other jurisdictions (Vollans, 2010; Roberts et al, 2014). According to Crowley (2011), the pre-​requisite legislative standard of proper provision is contributing to a regime that depends upon sustained financial ties and fails to regard spousal rehabilitation and independence as priorities. The reality of the legal process for many was that fathers automatically get recognition and respect from the courts in the form of rights without responsibilities. The issue of maintenance payments and the 135

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

role of the courts emphasise a significant differentiation between genders when it comes to the state’s view of parental responsibilities, according to the majority of women in this study. The courts’ non-​interventionist approach to ensuring responsibilities are met as ordered in agreements is consistent with international research. Carbone (1994) maintains that the culmination of high rates of mother custody combined with low levels of support results in a shift in responsibility from parents to mothers. This responsibility is more deleterious for poorer mothers. Lower-​level employment opportunities due to barriers and consequent lower earning capacity create a quagmire in relation to fulfilling such responsibilities, as was the case for participants in this study. It is not just in the legal system that differences and inequalities exist. According to the women in this research; this problem extends to the social protection system. Rules and regulations surrounding receipt of one-​parent family payment was singled out as perpetuating inequality, specifically in relation to having to prove that action for maintenance has been undertaken in the initial stages of separation and then having to prove non-​receipt of maintenance payments subsequently. All the onus is on mothers to ensure that procedures are followed to financially provide for their children. In addition, recent changes to one-​parent family payment in relation to both activation and earning highlight a move away from the traditional breadwinner model and emphasise an earner strategy typology (Millar and Crosse, 2018), which posits that both genders are equally invested in the labour market. The policy intent is to increase women’s participation in the labour market. However, work/​family imbalances are high and there is little state support for childcare, creating significant barriers to employment and education, particularly for those parenting alone (Millar and Crosse, 2014; Crosse and Millar, 2015; Millar and Crosse, 2018; Crosse and Millar, 2019). The traditional female life course, centred on child-​rearing, that was compelled by state and society historically is being eroded and replaced by an obligation on women to assume two roles, those of earner and carer. Ultimately we are moving from a situation where citizenship was conceptualised as a set of rights, whereby women’s rights were allocated on the basis of care work, to a situation where citizenship is conceptualised as duties and participation (Skevik, 2005). However, in nowhere in either stance is a woman’s right to individual autonomy or fathers’ responsibility considered, emphasising the continuing marginalisation of women by the state, despite progress made in areas of equality and recognition of diversity. Notes Article 41.1.1 of the Irish constitution states that the family (based on marriage), is ‘the natural primary and fundamental unit of society’, … and ‘the state recognises that by her life within the home, woman gives to the state a support without which the common good

1

136

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce cannot be achieved’ (Article 41.21). Furthermore, ‘the state shall, therefore, endeavour to ensure that all mothers shall not be obliged by economic necessity to engage in labour to the neglect of her duties in the home (Article 41.2.2). 2 The marriage bar was a legal requirement that women leave paid employment upon marriage; it was enacted in the 1930s in response to high unemployment and pertained mainly to women’s white-​collar occupations, and remained in law until the 1970s.

References Atkinson, R. and Flint, J. (2001) ‘Accessing hidden and hard-​to-​reach populations’, Social Research Update, 33. Bradley, C. and Millar, M. (2021) ‘Persistent stigma despite social change: experiences of stigma among single women who were pregnant or mothers in the Republic of Ireland 1996–​2010’, Family Relationships and Societies, 9(3): 1–​17. Byrne, A. (2021) ‘Naming my world: finding my voice’, Irish Journal of Sociology, 29(3): 286–​296. Byrne, A., Canavan, J. and Millar, M. (2009) ‘Participatory research and the voice-​centred relational method of data analysis: is it worth it?’, International Journal of Social Research Methodology, 12(1): 67–​77. Carbone, J.R. (1994) ‘A feminist perspective on divorce’, Future Child, 4(1): 183–​209. Chamberlayne, P., Bornat, J. and Wengraf, T. (eds) (2000) The Turn to Biographical Methods in Social Science: Comparative Issues and Examples, Abingdon, UK: Routledge. Connolly, E. (2003) ‘Durability and change in state gender systems: Ireland in the 1950’s’, European Journal of Women’s Studies, 10: 65–​86. Crosse, R. and Millar, M. (2015). ‘Parenting alone in contemporary Ireland’, in C. O’Doherty and A. Jackson (eds) Learning on the Job: Parenting in Modern Ireland, Bolney: Oak Tree Press. Crosse, R. and Millar, M. (2017) ‘Irish women’s ongoing experiences of domestic abuse in cases of separation and divorce’, Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 58(7): 507–​525. Crosse, R. and Millar, M. (2019) ‘Off the hook: mutual absolution of responsibility by fathers and the state, the experiences of separated and divorced Irish mothers’, Journal of Poverty and Social Justice, DOI: 10.1332/​ 175982719X15622544227830. Crowley, L. (2011) ‘Irish divorce law in a social policy vacuum –​from the unspoken to the unknown’, Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law, 33: 227–​242. Denzin, N.K. (1989) Interpretive Biography, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Fahey, T. (2003) The Encyclopaedia of Ireland: ‘Marriage Bar’, Dublin: Gill & Macmillan. 137

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Inglehart, R. and Norris, P. (2003) Rising Tide: Gender Equality and Cultural Change around the World, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Jones, K. (2003) ‘The turn to a narrative knowing of persons: one method explored’, Journal of Research in Nursing, 8(1): 60–​71. Kelly, M. and Millar, M. (2019) ‘Just because I have a baby doesn’t mean it’s going to stop my life’: a phenomenological account of being an adolescent parent’, Families, Relationships and Societies, 8: 285–​302. Kennedy, F. (2001) Cottage to Creche: Family Change in Ireland, Dublin: Institute of Public Administration. Lentin, R. (1993). ‘Feminist research methodologies – a separate paradigm? Notes for a debate’, Irish Journal of Sociology, 3(1): 119–​138. Mahon, E. and Moore, E. (2011) Post-​separation Parenting: A Study of Separation Agreements made in the Family Law Circuit Courts of Ireland and Their Implications for Parent–​Child Contact and Family Lives, The National Children’s Strategy Research Series, Dublin: Government Publications. Mauthner, N.S. and Doucet, A. (1998) ‘Reflections on a voice-​centred relational method of data analysis: analysing maternal and domestic voices’, in J. Ribbens and R. Edwards (eds) Feminist Dilemmas in Qualitative Research: Private Lives and Public Texts, London: Sage Publications, pp 119–​146. McGinnity, F. and Russell, H. (2008) Gender Inequalities in Time Use: The Distribution of Caring, Housework and Employment among Women and Men in Ireland, Equality Research Series, Dublin: The Equality Authority. Millar, M., Coen, L., Rau, H., Donegan, M., Canavan, J. and Bradley, C. (2007) Towards a Better Future: Research on Labour Market Needs and Social Exclusion of One Parent Families in Galway City and County, Galway: The One Parent Family Research Steering Group. Millar, M. and Crosse, R. (2014) ‘Irish work/​family policies: an emerging paradox’, in C. Readdick (ed) Irish Families and Globalization: Conversations about Belonging and Identity across Space and Time, Detroit, MI: Michigan Publishing. Millar, M. and Crosse, R. (2018) ‘Lone parent activation in Ireland: putting the cart before the horses?’ Social Policy and Administration, 52(1): 111–​129. Moore, E. (2007) ‘The significance of “home-​maker” contributions upon divorce’, Irish Journal of Family Law, 10(1): 15–​18. Moore, E. (2010) ‘Renegotiating family practices post-​separation: an Irish Case Study, unpublished PhD dissertation, Trinity College, Dublin. Moore, E. (2011) ‘Divorce and stigma in Ireland: how the law and other social institutions shape the experience of stigma’, Irish Journal of Family Law, 14(3): 64–​71. O’Connor, P. (1995) ‘Understanding continuities and changes in Irish marriage: putting women centre stage’, Irish Journal of Sociology, 5(1): 135–​163.

138

Mothers experiencing separation and divorce

Roberts, D., Chamberlain, P. and Delfabbro, P. (2014) ‘Women’s experiences of the processes associated with the family court of Australia in the context of domestic violence: a thematic analysis’, Psychiatry, Psychology and Law, 21(6): 1–​17. Shantz, J. (2009) ‘Biographical sociology: struggles over an emergent sociological practice’, Auto/​Biography Studies, 24(1): 113–​128. Skevik, A. (2005) ‘Women’s citizenship in the time of activation: the case of lone mothers in “needs based” welfare states’, Social Politics: Internationl Studies in Gender, State & Society, 12(1): 42–​66. Smyth, A. (1988) ‘The contemporary women’s movement in the Republic of Ireland’, Women’s Studies International Forum, 11(4): 331–​341. Steiner, E. (2007) ‘Why are divorced mothers economically disadvantaged? And what can be done about it?’, Texas Journal of Women and the Law, 17(1): 131–​151. Vollans, A. (2010) Court-​Related Abuse and Harassment: Leaving an Abuser can be Harder than Staying, Vancouver: YWCA. Yeats, N. (1997) ‘Gender and the development of the Irish welfare system’, in A. Byrne and M. Leonard (eds) Women and Irish Society: A Sociological Reader, Belfast: Beyond the Pale Publications. Yeats, N. and Stoltz, P. (1995) Unequal Status, Unequal Treatment: The Gender Restructuring of Welfare, Ireland, Dublin: Women’s Education, Research and Resource Centre.

139

7

Ideal, good enough and failed motherhood: how disabled Canadian mothers manage in hostile circumstances Claudia Malacrida

Introduction This chapter draws on narrative interviews with 44 disabled women from the province of Alberta in Canada regarding their experiences as disabled mothers. The interview approach is firmly situated in narrative studies and feminist standpoint theory, inviting women to tell their stories in loosely structured ways, based on the understanding that women are best situated to speak to the workings of power in their own lives (Toole, 2021). Although these stories come from one province, they reflect broader experiences of disabled women in Canada, as research nationally indicates that the issues disabled mothers face are depressingly similar across provincial boundaries (Track, 2014; Burlock, 2017). The stories presented here were selected to illustrate commonalities and key differences among the original research participants; a brief biography for each of the seven women whose stories are presented is provided at the end of this chapter.

Ideal motherhood and disability Feminists have exposed the purportedly private and natural experience of motherhood1 as a political and social institution. Starting with women themselves, feminists have built a strong body of research that characterises ‘ideal motherhood’ as a socially constructed set of normative expectations that place mothers under increasing demands to be knowledgeable experts on childrearing, limitlessly focused upon and available to their children, and fully responsible for any ills or imperfections that may befall them (Hays, 1996; Malacrida, 2009; Lankes, 2022). Thus, on the one hand, ideal motherhood is characterised as next to sacred, with the future of nations and generations resting in the hands of an omniscient, endlessly nurturant and selfless woman. On the other, ‘bad’ mothers are often characterised as the 140

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

architects of social, economic, psychological and moral problems, not only for their children but for the nation state, when their mothering fails to live up to those heroic expectations (Ladd-​Taylor and Umansky, 1998; Ramsay, 2016). These expectations and anxieties privatise and individualise the work of childbearing and rearing to individual women, while simultaneously providing minimal collective or public support to women in accomplishing that work. The expectations of ideal motherhood are such that any woman will struggle to satisfy them. However, for disabled mothers, living up to these normative demands is particularly fraught, not because disabled women cannot mother superlatively, but because the barriers to parenthood begin for women long before conception, and are challenged thereafter in multiple and systemic ways (Malacrida, 2007). Disabled women are more likely than temporarily able women2 to be dissuaded from becoming pregnant, more likely to experience involuntary birth control and sterilisation, less likely to access assisted reproductive technologies, and are often challenged to obtain appropriate accommodation for their disabilities during pregnancy and childbirth (Frohmader, 2013; Gould and Dodd, 2014; Hall et al, 2018). After childbirth, disabled mothers are at heightened risk of surveillance and scrutiny by the helping professionals charged with supporting them, more likely to live in poverty and remain under-​employed, more likely to lose custody of their children in the case of family breakdown, and more vulnerable to abuse and exploitation by partners (Track, 2014; Malacrida, 2020). For some mothers, the normative aspects of ideal motherhood and systemic ableism are internalised, adding an additional burden (Fritsch, 2017).

Disability embodiment It is important to note that disability is not a singular construct. Drawing on feminist theories of embodiment that argue bodies are neither purely corporeal (or essential) nor socially constructed (Witz, 2000), I propose the term ‘disability embodiment’ to tease out the complex relationships between a disabled woman’s specific corporeality/​disability and the political and social power relationships (such as opportunities for inclusion, experiences of exclusion, and structural barriers) that operate as responses to them. Thus, while I use the term ‘disabled women’ in this chapter, I also seek to problematise it as a homogeneous construct. Some corporeal aspects of disability embodiment include the type of disability, its severity, the point in a woman’s biography at which disability occurs, its visibility and its social acceptability. These aspects of disability, it must be noted, are not natural or universal, but are socially, culturally and politically informed. The Canadian women in this research who had severe physical disabilities, cognitive disabilities, intellectual disabilities or mental health diagnoses3 141

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

experienced more stigmatisation, social isolation, impoverishment, under-​ employment and surveillance than women with adult-​onset, mild or moderate physical disabilities. Disability embodiment does not stand separately from other factors in women’s lives, such that race, sexual identity, culture, geographic location and especially social class also affect disabled women’s lived experiences. For these reasons, recruitment included women with intellectual disabilities, neurodiverse women, women with psychiatric labels, physically disabled women, women with degenerative disorders, women with acquired disabilities, blind or deaf women, women in rural and urban locations, and women with a broad range of racial, class, gender and sexual identities. I have also included custodial and non-​custodial mothers and single and married mothers, as it is clear that the effects of single parenthood (poverty, surveillance, stress, inadequate housing, and more) are profound for disabled women, and these factors mean that disabled women risk losing custody if they parent alone or experience divorce (Breeden et al, 2008; Malacrida, 2012). The women’s stories presented in this chapter have been selected to best illustrate how differing disability embodiments play out for disabled mothers, and, while illustrative, these findings cannot be generalised to broader populations. The participants’ names and some identifying details have been altered to protect their privacy.

Who should mother? The interviews typically began with “Please tell me how you came to think about becoming a mother”. This opening led women to speak from a variety of starting points, and allowed me to understand some of the differences relating to disability embodiment. Women who have been disabled from birth or a very young age described significant barriers to even imagining motherhood, as they often encountered assumptions that disability and sexuality are incompatible. They described being excluded from discussions about, education on and opportunities for sexuality and relationships at school and in their families, or encountering assumptions from family, friends and support workers that they would be unattractive to partners, or too dependent on them to be suitable for partnering and parenting. Depending on the disability, they may also have been warned that they will harm their children, because of fears (often unfounded) that they may pass their disability on to them. Donna Fontaine experienced many of these attitudes. An indigenous woman from a working-​class, single-​father family, she was identified as intellectually disabled at birth and attended a ‘special’ segregated school, where she and her classmates received no sex education. Although segregated classes are happily becoming rarer in Alberta, they do still exist, sometimes 142

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

as classrooms within mainstream schools where sex education is otherwise taught. The exclusion of these students from sex education indicates a presumption that intellectually disabled people are not capable of taking that information on board, and reflects common assumptions that they are ‘eternal children’ who should not have sex or, more importantly, children (Gould and Dodd, 2014; Collings et al, 2017). As happened to other women in the study, when Donna became pregnant at 22, the response of her family and friends was not positive. In fact, her father immediately suggested that she have an abortion: “He didn’t want me to have a child … he thought everything was going to go haywire. He thought that she was going to be starved … He ended up buying everything for her; a crib, a carriage, bought food, helped me out, bought formula”. Donna’s father’s concerns reflect some of the disability embodiment forces at play in her life as a lifelong disabled woman with intellectual disabilities. As a child, Donna was not educated or integrated into her community. As an adult –​particularly since the death of her father, who was her primary support –​she has struggled with poverty and unemployment, inadequate public housing, involvement with workers in the disability and child welfare systems, and an abusive relationship with her child’s father4. All of these intersections between corporeal and socio-​political aspects of her disability have made it difficult for her to accomplish ‘good enough’ motherhood, let alone ideal motherhood. At the time of our interview, Donna had just lost a lengthy battle to regain custody of her daughter, in a case initiated by the child welfare worker who she had hoped would help her to manage better within her straitened circumstances. Rachel Jones has also been disabled from birth with muscular dystrophy, a degenerative neurological disorder that has required her to use a wheelchair since puberty. Unlike Donna, however, Rachel has enjoyed significant advantages in the socio-​political aspects of her disability embodiment. Raised by well-​to-​do parents who pushed her to live a ‘normal’ life, she is polished, erudite and well-​educated; she met her non-​disabled husband while studying for her Master’s degree. She married at 22, and, at the time of our interview, was 29 years old and mother to two biological children aged 6 and 7, and a 13-​year-​old stepdaughter. Her parents were very supportive of her marriage and her pregnancies, saying they wanted her to live as full a life as possible for as long as she can. However, as Rachel explains, despite her education, family support and relative social advantages, she still encountered negative reactions to becoming a mother: ‘Steve is a Christian and his family are old-​fashioned, and the farm family, the wife takes care of the husband and is in the kitchen all day, and, you know, bare feet. They said to Steve when they found out he 143

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

was getting married “What kind of future do you have with someone in a wheelchair?” ’ These comments reflect those made to other disabled women in the study as they considered taking on partnerships and potential motherhood. Several women described how their family members and support workers dissuaded them from having children, often expressed as concern about the women’s ability to cope, the stigmatising effects on children of having a disabled parent, or the imagined deprivations that the children will suffer from women who will ‘naturally’ fail as mothers. Three women reported that their children’s biological fathers pressed them to abort, believing them to be incapable of being good mothers, and in all three cases the fathers abandoned the women thereafter, virtually ensuring poverty and isolation for the mothers and their children. Outside of partners and family, women described encounters in the public sphere that undermined their sense of being ‘appropriate’ as mothers –​ strangers looking shocked to see a pregnant disabled woman, and physicians and nurses who were often dissuasive of continuing with pregnancy for both health and social reasons. Several described challenges in receiving appropriate prenatal and birthing care. For example, Chelsea McAdams, who is paraplegic as the result of a car accident, described her doctor as very discouraging about her becoming pregnant, and throughout her pregnancy and delivery, he dissuaded her from giving birth vaginally, which she has been able to do in a subsequent birth with a different doctor. She said, “I think for him it was inconvenient, and it was time-​consuming, and it was just [pause] different.”

Disabled women and ‘good enough’ motherhood When a woman becomes a mother, she becomes in many ways public property, subject to public scrutiny and judgment about her mothering and the ways her children reflect her qualities as a woman and a citizen. Disabled women, particularly those with visible disabilities, describe public encounters that are deeply disturbing and unsettling to the women’s concepts of themselves as ‘good enough’ mothers, let alone ideal mothers. Several mothers described parent and toddler groups situated in inaccessible spaces, schools without access ramps, playgrounds that are impossible to navigate, and the inaccessibility of their neighbours’ homes, which meant that normal activities such as play dates or visits to the families of their children’s friends were off-​limits. Judy Zaleski, who is a mother to two young children and uses a wheelchair as the result of a motor vehicle accident when she was 22, provides some insight: “So, you know, there’s a park, like a little playground down the street. I can’t take my daughters 144

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

there because it’s all, umm, gravel … I can’t keep them safe. I can’t, you know, I can’t do anything.” Judy has an accounting background, and, like other disabled mothers, she has been creative in exchanging the provision of services such as administrative work for neighbours and friends in return for their taking her children to parks and events. However, she worries about not being able to keep her children safe by visiting her the homes of her children’s friends or supervising her children appropriately in the public sphere. Carly Grossman, who has Crohn’s disease and severe arthritis, is a single mother who lives with her young son in subsidised housing. She has helped two neighbours on her floor to apply for disability income support, and this has been a way for her to exchange her services for similar outings. For both women, these exchanges avoid the trap of being seen as dependent or unable to provide their children with a full social life, but still do not enable them to participate fully in their children’s public lives, which is a normative expectation of ideal motherhood. Even disabled mothers who are well supported, in sustained relationships and comfortable financially face challenges to being seen as legitimate mothers. Judy, for example, has a paid homeworker who, because of restrictions in Judy’s government funding, is only able to provide direct care to Judy, but not to her children. In fact, this was a common complaint from women in receipt of government support for disability services; they could receive care for their own personal needs, but asking a worker to put cereal on the table for their children is not permitted, indicating that even the state presumes that disability and parenting don’t mix. Judy and her children are White, while her worker is Black. She described with some rancour that, despite her physical similarity to her children and the fact that her worker cannot and does not provide care for them, strangers will often speak solely to her support worker as though she is the ‘real’ mother of the children. Similarly, 29-​year-​old Rachel Jones, who we heard from earlier, is a stay-​ at-​home mother and the primary caregiver to two biological children and a stepchild. A wheelchair user, she described how after 7 years of marriage, her mother-​in-​law still frets about her capacity to be a mother: ‘My mother-​in-​law says, “Yeah, Steve can’t be taking care of the house all the time. Like, you have to get him a housekeeper and a nanny because he must be so exhausted taking care of you and the kids, working full-​time and doing all the housework.” She still thinks he does everything.’ These comments and experiences show that disabled women’s mothering work is rendered invisible, unseeable in fact, conveying to disabled women that disability and motherhood are incompatible. 145

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Disability and precarious motherhood As with many other aspects of disability embodiment, the inter-​relationship between the severity and type of disability and the social, cultural and political responses to those differences matter deeply. For mothers with profound physical disabilities, and particularly for mothers who are diagnosed with cognitive, mental health or intellectual disabilities, the idea that motherhood and disability are incompatible may even go so far that disability and motherhood are rendered impossible. Of the 44 women interviewed for this research, nine women described either temporarily or permanently losing child custody, and, of these, only Chelsea McAdams was physically disabled, while the remainder were intellectually disabled, brain-​injured, labelled as mentally ill, or a combination thereof. Chelsea’s story illuminates the ways that disability embodiment, poverty, isolation and engagement with family welfare systems may affect disabled motherhood. Chelsea grew up in the Alberta foster care system, and so she has experience of surveillance, poverty and family upheaval. At 18, just as she was being released from the foster care system, she was in a serious car accident and sustained a spinal cord injury that rendered her paraplegic. Without family support and fearing that she would never be able to attract a partner or live a full life because of her disability, she took up with a young man who was a patient in her hospital ward (he fully recovered from his injuries), and, within months, was pregnant and married. She moved with him to a two-​storey house that he insisted they take because it was close to his parents. She was unable to fully navigate the house, which enabled her partner to physically abuse their oldest child without detection for a time. Eventually, the violence became more obvious, and, while pregnant with her second child, she managed to ‘bum’ her way downstairs and see what was happening. She was able to call the police, who arrived and arrested the father. At the police station, child protection workers were called, and they took her daughter into custody. Early in the ensuing court proceedings, there was some discussion as to whether to charge Chelsea as an accessory, and even whether the child she was pregnant with should be removed at birth. Chelsea commenced divorce proceedings while simultaneously providing witness statements for the criminal case against her husband. Outrageously, in the criminal court, he attributed his abuse to the pressures of having to provide Chelsea with support and the strain of living with a disabled woman, a claim that Chelsea still feels softened his sentencing by a judge who seemed sympathetic to the argument. Once her husband was imprisoned, she launched an effort to regain custody of her daughter, first complying with supervised visits and then unsupervised ones. By the time of our interview, her daughter was almost four and her son almost two, and, at 23 years of age, Chelsea was living unsupervised with both children, under an assumed 146

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

name in a new community as protection against the father and his family, who remained hostile to her custody of the children. The outcome –​full custody, assistance with moving, and settlement in a new city with supportive housing –​seems nothing short of a miracle given all the strikes against her, but, ironically, Chelsea credits her experience of growing up in the foster care system with giving her the skills and knowledge to fight against those systems. It may also be that winning a sizeable insurance settlement from the accident was instrumental, as this enabled her to obtain excellent legal counsel throughout her court dealings. Finally, being young, articulate and having a later-​onset physical disability all contributed towards her ability to present a positive front to the courts and beat the odds. The mothers with cognitive and mental health disabilities in this study did not fare as well in their struggles to maintain custody of their children. For Megan Milano, who has struggled with depression and was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 22, the decision was hers: following a failed suicide attempt, she and her parents, who live nearby, negotiated an informal shared custody arrangement for her 11-​year-​old daughter Natalie that permits Megan to retain legal guardianship while her parents provide shelter, food and care, as Megan is currently too sick to manage full-​time care. This arrangement has been made completely outside of the mental health and disability supports that Megan has in place. Indeed, Megan consciously works to keep the arrangement under the radar as far as her workers are concerned, fearing that, if they knew of it, she would face changes in her disability income support and its attendant drug coverage, her housing, and, more importantly, her legal custody of Natalie. Megan hopes this private arrangement will eventually shift back to her having full custody, but, in the meanwhile, she is able to drive her daughter to and from school and sports activities, share family meals almost daily at her parents’ nearby home, and maintain her relationship with her daughter, who she describes as “the most important person in my life”. Megan is extremely fortunate in her specific disability embodiment; her relatively well-​managed mental health challenges, her supportive middle-​class family, and a background in social work education prior to her mental health diagnosis have been pivotal in helping her devise an arrangement that enables her to perform ‘good enough’ (if perhaps not ideal) mothering.

Disability and ‘failed’ motherhood The six women in the study who have not been able to retain child custody share many similarities in terms of disability embodiment. All have cognitive or intellectual disabilities, either from birth or due to brain injuries acquired from accidents. Like many other women in the study, all were living below the poverty line as a result of poor accident insurance settlements, or because 147

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

receipt of Assured Income for Severely Handicapped (AISH; Alberta’s provincial living allowance for disabled people) did not permit them to earn additional money through paid work. As a result of these restrictions, many chose not to work for pay, because, if they lost their income support, they would also lose the health and drug benefits that come with that programme. In Canada, where there is public health coverage for everyone, services such as physiotherapy, counselling, hearing aid and mobility devices, and drug costs are not covered by public health care, and, for many disabled people, these costs are greater than the actual value of their living allowance5. While living in poverty was an issue for many of the custodial mothers in the study, this subset of non-​custodial mothers also faced other challenges in keeping their children. All of the non-​custodial mothers are single mothers of children whose fathers are absent, and, in some cases, problematic. They were also socially or geographically isolated from their families, who may have otherwise supplemented their incomes or pitched in with food and clothing for the children, helped with housekeeping and childcare, or provided other services such as driving to shops and appointments or attending school meetings. In addition, all of these women lived in social housing, which, while affordable, also placed them in neighbourhoods and dwellings that were poorly maintained, crowded, far from amenities such as shops, sports facilities, libraries or medical services, served by poorly resourced schools, and highly penetrated by helping professionals who served the neighbourhood. In sum, these women lived with poverty, social isolation, a lack of resources and heightened intervention, conditions that make it difficult to perform ‘good enough’ mothering practices, let alone live up to ideal motherhood. Yolande McMillan’s story of vulnerability, abuse and threatened child custody is in many ways reminiscent of Chelsea McAdam’s experiences described earlier, but there are also key differences that highlight some of the disability embodiment issues specific to invisible rather than visible disabilities. It is a complex story, but its elements reflect so many challenges that other similarly embodied women described that it is an important to tell it in detail. Yolande was 18 years old and ready to graduate high school when the car she was a passenger in was struck by a vehicle that ran a red light. She was thrown clear of the car, landing directly on her head. After surgery to remove a large hematoma, she spent the better part of a month on life support and in a coma, and, upon awakening, she said she was “paralysed on my right side, and didn’t know the simple things, like how to drink, how to go to the bathroom … nothing”. After five weeks in hospital, she was released home to her mother, unable to walk or feed herself. The level of care she needed was such that her mother ended up in the hospital herself, requiring back surgery for injuries sustained from caring for Yolande. Yolande, with her 148

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

mother’s help and four years of outpatient physical, speech and occupational therapy, eventually regained the ability to walk, talk and function. At 23 years of age, she was able to work full-​time as a hairdresser, living independently as a single woman. At the time of our interview, Yolande was 37 years old, and she described her disabilities as “physically non-​existent, but it’s more cognitive, and that’s really difficult, because it’s invisible”. She explains that while she looks and sounds ‘normal’, she struggles to remember things, has depression and anxiety, and often is exhausted, disorganised and forgetful. At 27, having never really dated before then, she met and married a man 14 years her senior. Like Chelsea, she describes her decision to marry as more or less motivated by desperation, saying, “Here was this man –​finally –​who loved me and wanted a family, and I thought this was my chance.” Many other women in the study also spoke of ‘settling’ on a partner who they may not have known well, or who they suspected would not be a good partner, and many of them turned out to be more of a problem than a support. Within two years, Yolande had two children, and the fairytale had turned to a nightmare. Her brain injury posed real challenges to coping with a baby, but, because she had managed so well until then, her family and her husband saw her inability to cope as postpartum depression or just laziness. People with traumatic brain injury often struggle with chronic and debilitating fatigue that is exacerbated under stressful conditions, causing a decline in capacity, self-​confidence and life satisfaction; this may lead the individual to further withdraw and give up (Cantor et al, 2008). After the birth of her first child, Yolande became so exhausted that she was unable to do much more than sleep and breastfeed, and the house became quite disorganised, and so her mother, who was struggling with her own health concerns, moved in with her and her husband for four months to support the family. This was the beginning of a change in her relationship with her husband, Dave, who began to criticise her constantly, telling her and others that she was lazy, incompetent, malingering, and, eventually, mentally unstable. Within a year, she was pregnant with her second child, and because her failing mother had become unable to provide help any longer, after that birth she struggled, saying that she “basically got the kids dressed and fed, and slept whenever I could”. There was constant criticism and arguing through those early months, and she began to believe “I was the one, I was the one not good enough, I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t smart enough … inferior. Yeah, I am the burden”. She and Dave were also struggling financially. Because Yolande’s hairdressing work had been under contract rather than salaried, and also because she had not been back in the workforce for a year prior to her second pregnancy, she was ineligible for maternity benefits.6 Despite her fatigue, Dave pressured her to return to paid work just 2 months after her second 149

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

child was born. Her return to work was not helpful. To save on babysitting costs, Dave had found her a job with a friend who allowed her to take her 2-​month-​old son to the salon while she worked. Although she stayed at the job for almost a year, it caused her increasing distress to juggle her paid work and her son’s childcare simultaneously, and did little to resolve the financial pressures. She belatedly discovered that Dave had not been paying the bills or their mortgage, and they lost their house. Throughout this period, she describes a marriage that was abusive, in which her partner constantly told her she was worthless. He also played on her disability, calling her crazy and stupid and insisting that she needed psychological help. She explains how, during arguments, he would switch from berating her to pleading for her to get help: ‘And so, when he started saying,“Well I love you, and I need you to get help, because if this is going to work, you need help, you need counseling. And I can’t do, I can’t help you.” I’m like “Okay, I will” … And when I’d get into the hospital, at first they didn’t, they’d just send me home and they did the interview and said “Well, you need counseling, marriage counseling. You’re not psychotic, you, you’re very aware of what’s going on, and you know what’s what.” ’ This occurred often enough that she became a familiar person to local police and a regular visitor to the local psychiatric emergency department. Although she was never admitted on those visits, she feels that this contributed to later events when he was able to obtain custody of their children, because by that time she had a long record of psychiatric distress. She described how Dave cast doubts on her mental health with police and medical personnel, using her words against her: ‘He would be on my case about something for hours, like he would just never stop, and finally I would turn around and say “Lookit, shut up or I’m gonna take a bottle of pills and shut you out of my life that way!” Kinda, just totally out of frustration. So, he would phone the police and say “My wife just threatened to kill herself.” So they’d take me in the ambulance and do my vitals … And I’m like “Here’s the, this is what happened.” And then they’d give me the victim’s assistance cards and you know “You have to be ready to make the decision to leave”. Blah, blah, blah.’ It’s important to understand how little real help was offered to her as a result of these interventions; she was told to get marriage counselling, but no social worker or emergency room physicians ever suggested that her brain injury might be the cause of some of her stress, or that she might be eligible for 150

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

household and financial support. Among all the women I’ve interviewed with invisible disabilities (including mental health diagnoses, brain injuries and diagnoses such as multiple sclerosis, which may present erratically and be seen by others as malingering or mental incompetence), supports and services were very slow to come, in great part because the women’s social networks and helping professionals dismissed or minimised the disability as a personal responsibility rather than a legitimate or ‘deserving’ disorder. These encounters also reflect the fragmentation of services between police, social workers and medical personnel. The police suggestion that a woman with a brain injury –​dealing with two young children, losing her home, exhausted and incapacitated by an abusive husband and dealing with an invisible but very present disability –​should initiate proceedings to get into a shelter (most of which are highly oversubscribed) was overwhelming to Yolande, who, after these events, simply went back to Dave. Had there been a disability worker or a medical referral to social services, things may have gone differently. As it was, it was Dave who precipitated the end of the marriage. Yolande explains: ‘I hadn’t even reached the point of “this isn’t working, I think we’re going to end up separating” when one day I saw the mail, I saw, there was a letter from a law firm. So, I opened it and read it, and Dave had retained a lawyer for divorce and custody of the kids. Without saying anything. We were still living together.’ Galvanised, Yolande also obtained a lawyer (hers was through legal aid), and so began several years of divorce proceedings, with Dave initially being granted primary custody. Early in the proceedings, she noted that Dave was able to use those times that she voluntarily went with him to the emergency department, and all those police visits to the home, to argue successfully that she was neither capable nor mentally stable enough to care for the children. Her mother, family friends and the family physicians all testified at varying points to the contrary, with her mother providing witness statements about Dave’s abusive gaslighting, and the children’s pediatrician records showing her to have been the primary caregiver throughout the marriage, with the children well-​nourished and meeting all their milestones. However, social workers who were brought in to assess the situation argued that she probably would not be capable of working full-​time and single-​parenting two preschool children, and that she needed support. This was over 2 years into their separation, and it was at this point, for the first time since her initial rehabilitation years earlier, that she was assessed for the impact of her traumatic brain injury by someone versed in disability issues. This began a long series of assessments, interventions and applications, but finally she got some income support, moved into subsidised housing, and obtained some 151

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

education and counselling about how to manage life –​and mothering –​ with a severe brain injury. At the start of the divorce proceedings, Dave and Yolande’s son was 8 months old and her daughter was a little more than 2 years old; at the time of our interview, they were 6 and 8 years old, respectively. In the intervening years, Yolande’s relationship with them had been mediated through courts, supervised visits, and friction with the man who legally had primary care of the children. For Yolande, this has been years-​long saga of abuse in the home, followed by abuse in court. For her children, there has been significant trauma as well; at the time of our interview, there had been an investigation of physical abuse of the children by the father during his custody, and the children’s guardianship had been transferred to the child welfare department, with Yolande continuing with supervised visits. She was working with two supportive brain injury agencies to regain custody of the children and was cautiously optimistic. However, she worried that her child welfare worker did not support her chances of full-​time, unsupervised custody, as that worker perceived her to be unable to deal with the complex needs that her children have after years of conflict in the home and abuse by their father.7 In a follow-​up interview six months later, Yolande told me that child welfare had decided against her case and had taken the children back into care. She said: “I’ve got a new lawyer, legal aid, because, April 16th, child welfare put in for permanent guardianship and they want to put the kids up for adoption in January. And they don’t want me to ever have them back.” It would be a happy thing if this kind of outcome was a rarity, but for women dealing with this disability embodiment –​living in poverty, coping with cognitive or invisible disabilities, vulnerable to abusive partners, with inadequate legal representation, and enmeshed in fragmented and often hostile helping systems –​these kinds of stories are distressingly common. Donna Fontaine, introduced at the start of this chapter as the woman who did not receive any sex education and whose father suggested she abort, fled her partner’s physical and psychological abuse when her daughter was 3 years old, requesting temporary care for her daughter through child protection services until she could get settled into stable housing. After a long series of increasingly fractious interactions with child welfare officials, including mandated parenting classes, supervised visits and surprise inspections, Donna’s worker assessed her as unable to provide adequate care for her child and of having failed to protect her daughter from the partner’s abuse, and the child was taken into foster care. In Donna’s case, the inadequate care charge stemmed from a number of month-​end visits at which the worker inspected Donna’s kitchen and found that she didn’t have enough food, despite the fact that Donna had worked with a nutritionist to improve her meal planning. That Donna is challenged to perform ‘good enough’ mothering is not down to poor meal planning, rather, because she does not have custody, her disability 152

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

allowance is calibrated for a single woman, which virtually guarantees her inability to feed one person, let alone two. As noted earlier, at the time of our interview, she had just lost a court battle in which she hoped to regain custody.

Conclusion The disabled mothers in this study describe mothering against incredibly complex obstacles, both corporeal and socio-​political. As I have noted elsewhere, in terms of the corporeal aspects of disability, disabled mothers may have challenges lifting children, reading to them, hearing them, or running after them, but these are not the women’s biggest concerns (Malacrida, 2009). Rather, mothers described adaptive strategies for these things –​from hiring someone out of their insurance money to help bathe their child, to working in exchange for trips to parks and outings when government funding refuses to pay for children’s services, to making a joy ride of taking a child to the shops in a wheelchair. The mothers in my research have also spoken about the rewards of mothering as disabled women, and the strengths that they believe their disability brings to that mothering, including a strong sense of compassion, independence and collaboration in their children. In general, these mothers work around the corporeal aspects of disability embodiment in their mothering practices, providing loving homes, adequate care, positive role models and broad social opportunities for their children. It must be acknowledged that this mothering work may still not live up to ‘ideal motherhood’ as it is narrowly imagined, but mostly these women’s mothering practices are not just ‘good enough’, they are excellent. The disabled mothers in this research performed their mothering work under a normative shadow of ideal motherhood that conveys high expectations of women to be limitlessly available, knowledgeably expert in childcare and human development, constantly nurturing and loving, able to provide good, stable homes and family life, and more. However, the resources they were able to access often meant that they were hard-​pressed to rise to those expectations. Thus, the socio-​political aspects of disability embodiment were particularly problematic. Before pregnancy and birth, the women described encounters in which their appropriateness as mothers was disavowed. After their children’s births, the women’s described encounters in which their legitimacy as mothers was rendered invisible by strangers and sometimes even family members, who simply could not see that disabled women can, and do, mother. In the public sphere, they described how they mother without access to parks and schools and communities, meaning few chances to play with their children or participate in school and family activities like other mothers can, and affecting their ability to supervise their children adequately and safely. They described punitive funding arrangements that mean they care for their children in houses that are not accessible, or that they cannot 153

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

afford adaptive equipment that would enable them to provide care, or their personal support services do not accommodate their children’s care needs. Many disabled mothers live in such poverty that they are stretched to provide the food and clothing that will make them look like ‘good enough’ mothers to social workers and in family courts. Others, unable to work, or to access public spaces, or be part of their communities, live in social isolation and are vulnerable to others, including men who are less than ideal partners. In the end, disabled women perform mothering surrounded by people in the public sphere who often think they cannot and should not be mothering, and, in the private sphere, they often perform mothering in situations where they must cope with people (families of origin, partners, helping professionals) and systems such aschild protection, housing, income support, personal care services, and more, that not only fail to support them, but frequently compound their challenges to being and remaining mothers.

Appendix: Biographical notes Carly Grossman is a white, single, 40-​year-​old woman who was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and arthritis after the birth of her 8-​year-​old son. Prior to her disability, she worked as a bookkeeper, but she has been unable to find an accommodating workplace. She lives with her son in subsidised housing in a high-​r ise apartment building and receives AISH to support her family. Chelsea McAdams is a 23-​year-​old white mother of two children aged 2 and 4. She became paraplegic at 18 as the result of a car accident, from which she won a sizeable insurance settlement. She married someone she met in rehab, and soon became pregnant. Her husband proved to be abusive to their daughter, and she was pregnant with their second child when she notified police of the abuse. Both her children were taken into custody, but she has been able to argue successfully for full custody despite her husband’s attempts to claim that the abuse was due to the stress of dealing with a disabled wife. Donna Fontaine is a 33-​year-​old indigenous woman who is labelled as intellectually disabled. She lives alone in a small basement apartment. When Donna left her abusive partner, she requested child services take her daughter for what she believed would be a temporary period, while she got established. She has struggled to regain custody of her daughter because her worker has assessed her as unable to provide adequate nutrition and care. She is on an AISH allowance calibrated for a single person. Judy Zaleski is a 33-​year-​old white woman who became paraplegic at 22 as the result of a car accident. She is supported by AISH, but this funding does not provide support for direct childcare for her two young children. Because she lives with her husband, who earns a good salary, she has been able to hire a nanny, but she says she struggles to be seen as the children’s ‘real’ mother in the public sphere. 154

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

Megan Milano is a 41-​year-​old white woman who is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. She lives alone, in proximity to her parents who live with her 11-​year-​old daughter. The arrangement began after a suicide attempt, and it has enabled her to ensure her daughter’s safety while remaining an active and loving part of her life. Megan is supported through AISH. Rachel Jones is a 29-​year-​old white woman who has muscular dystrophy. She and her husband parent two biological children and his daughter from a previous marriage. Her parents and husband are very supportive, and she feels she is a good mother to her children despite some misgivings on the part of her in-​laws. Yolande McMillan is a 37-​year-​old white woman who sustained a severe brain injury from a car accident when she was a teenager. After rehabilitation, she was able to work and live independently in her 20s. At 29, she met and married Dave, with whom she had two children. When they divorced, he was manipulative in the court and mental health systems, enabling him to gain full custody of their children, during there were allegations of child sexual abuse and the children were taken into care. At the time of her interview, she was making a final attempt to regain custody before adoption. Notes I use the terms ‘motherhood’ and ‘ideal motherhood’ to indicate the normative social expectations placed on women to provide expert, nurturant and limitless care to their children. I use the word ‘mothering’ to describe the actual care provision that women do, such as feeding and clothing or playing with children. 2 Most, if not all, of us will experience disability at some point in our lives, particularly as we age. The idea that someone is able-​bodied is more a strategy for self-​protection than a realistic lifelong position (Warnath, 1989). 3 In this paper, cognitive disabilities refer to impairments of executive functioning, including memory, organisation and word retrieval; they can be present at birth or acquired through trauma, and they may or may not affect intelligence. The term intellectual disability is typically used in Canada, Australia and the US to refer to problems with knowledge acquisition and being able to manage daily life; it is often delineated by IQ scores of less than 70. Neurodiversity refers to cognitive processing disorders; examples include autism, dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. 4 Intellectually disabled women are more likely than other disabled women to experience partner violence and abuse, poverty, social isolation and interventions from helping professionals (Track, 2014). 5 Since 2012, there has been some lifting of these restrictions, so that people can now earn some money in addition to receiving Assured Income for Severely Handicapped. This has not only affected income, but it has also permitted those who can obtain decent part-​time work to be more socially integrated. 6 Parental leave in Canada is federally regulated. The base payment is 15 weeks of maternity leave at 55% of the mother’s past-​year earnings and 37 weeks of parental leave at 55% of past-​year earnings for the parent taking that leave (Government of Canada, 2022). 7 Although the child abuse was investigated, Dave was not charged because the children were unable to provide adequate testimony that he had been the perpetrator. 1

155

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

References Breeden, C., Olkin, R. and Taube, D.J. (2008) ‘Child custody evaluations when one divorcing parent has a physical disability’, Rehabilitation Psychology, 53(4): 445–​455. Burlock, A. (2017) ‘Women with disabilities’, Women in Canada: A Gender-​ based Statistical Report, Government of Canada, [online] 29 May, available from https://​www​150.stat​can.gc.ca/​n1/​pub/8​ 9-5​ 03-x​ /2​ 0150​ 01/a​ rtic​ le/​ 14695-​eng.pdf [Accessed 1 June 2022]. Cantor, J.B., Gordon, W., Ginsberg, A., Englmann, B.M., Spielman, L., Dukers, M. et al (2008) ‘Fatigue after traumatic brain injury and its impact on participation and quality of life’, Journal of Head Trauma Rehabilitation, 23(1): 41–​51. Collings, S., Llewellyn, G. and Grace, R. (2017) ‘Home and the social worlds beyond: exploring influences in the lives of children of mothers with intellectual disability’, Child: Care, Health and Development, 43(5): 697–​708. Fritsch, K. (2017) ‘Contesting the neoliberal affects of disabled parenting: toward a relational emergence of disability’, in M. Rembis (ed) Disabling Domesticity, New York: Palgrave Macmillan, pp 243–​267. Frohmader, C. (2013) ‘Dehumanised: the forced sterilization of women and girls with disabilities in Australia’, Women With Disabilities Australia, [online], available from http://​wwda.org.au/​wp-​cont​ent/​uplo​ads/​2013/​ 12/​WWDA_​Sterili​sati​on_​S​ub_​S​umma​r y_​a​nd_​R​ecs.pdf [Accessed 20 March 2023]. Gould, S. and Dodd, K. (2014) ‘“Normal people can have a child but disability can’t”: the experiences of mothers with mild learning disabilities who have had their children removed’, British Journal of Learning Disabilities, 42(1): 25–​35. Government of Canada (2022) ‘EI maternity and parental benefits’, Government of Canada, [online] 30 December, available from https://​www. can​ada.ca/​en/​servi​ces/​benef​i ts/​ei/​ei-​matern​ity-​paren​tal.html [Acces​sed 8 July 2022]. Hall, J., Hundley, V., Collins, B. and Ireland, J. (2018) ‘Dignity and respect during pregnancy and childbirth: a survey of the experience of disabled women’, BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 18(1): 328. Hays, S. (1996) The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Ladd-​Taylor, M. and Umansky, L. (1998) “Bad” Mothers: The Politics of Blame in Twentieth-​Century America, New York: New York University Press. Lankes, J. (2022) ‘Negotiating “impossible” ideals: latent classes of intensive mothering in the United States’, Gender & Society, 36(5): 677–​602. Malacr ida, C. (2007) ‘Negotiating the dependency/​n urturance tightrope: dilemmas of disabled motherhood’, Canadian Review of Sociology, 144(4): 469–​493. 156

How disabled Canadian mothers manage

Malacrida, C. (2009) ‘Performing motherhood in a disablist world: dilemmas of motherhood, femininity and disability’, International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 23(1): 99–​117. Malacrida, C. (2012) ‘Mothers with disabilities: implications for theory and practice’, in N. Watson, C. Thomas and A. Roulstone (eds) Routledge Handbook of Disability Studies, Abingdon, UK: Routledge, pp 390–​401. Malacrida, C. (2020) ‘Mothering and disability: from eugenics to newgenics’, in N. Watson and S. Vehmas (eds) Routledge Handbook of Disability Studies (2nd edn), Abingdon, UK: Routledge, pp 467–​478. Ramsay, G. (2016) ‘Black mothers, bad mothers: African refugee women and the governing of ‘good’ citizens through the Australian child welfare system’, Australian Feminist Studies, 31(89): 319–​335. Toole, B. (2021) ‘Recent work in standpoint epistemology’, Analysis, 81(2): 338–​350. Track, L. (2014) ‘Able mothers: the intersections of parenting, disability and the law’, Able Mothers Report, [online] September, available from https://​www.westco​astl​eaf.org/​our-​publi​cati​ons/​able-​moth​ers-​the-​inter​ sect​ion-​of-​parent​ing-​dis​abil​ity-​and-​the-​law/​ [Accessed 10 March 2023]. Warnath, C. F. (1989) ‘We are all taps (temporarily able persons)’, Journal of Counseling and Development, 67(9): 518–​519. Witz, A. (2000) ‘Whose body matters? Feminist sociology and the corporeal turn’, Body & Society, 6(2): 1–​24.

157

8

Confronting meanings of motherhood in neoliberal Australia: six crystallised case studies Laetitia Coles, Emma Cooke and Jasneek Chawla

Introduction This chapter focuses on the marginalised and under-​researched group of mothers of children with Down syndrome. Applying an intersectional feminist sociological lens, we examine how neoliberalism converges with race, class, gender and ableness to shape experiences of mothering in contemporary Australia. In researching these mothers’ stories and writing this chapter, we aim to impact the reader in a way ‘that writing in that hectoring genre, prose, cannot’ (Richardson, 2018, p 663). According to the Cambridge Dictionary, hectoring is ‘to talk and behave towards someone in a loud and unpleasantly forceful way, especially in order to get them to act or think as you want’. While interviewing the mothers in this study, listening to their interviews, and reading and re-​reading their transcripts, we were confronted by the incessant ‘hectoring’ that these mothers contended with in their interactions with neoliberal institutions (primarily medical, disability and welfare services), the broader community, and their families. Furthermore, despite contending with such neoliberalism-​imbued hectoring, mothers shared their stories with agency, evocative language, and often humour. Hence, we considered it an ethical imperative that we did not reinforce the hectoring discourse and misrepresent the mothers’ experiences by sterilising the emotion in their stories to fit the ‘hegemonic (masculinist) disciplinary norms’ (Ellingson, 2009) of traditional academic research and writing. We draw upon the scholarship of researchers who advocate for departing from traditional academic conventions in their scholarly work (Mackinlay, 2022), and utilise a ‘crystallisation approach’ by combining academic and creative writing (Richardson, 2000; Ellingson, 2009). Crystallisation, an approach conceptualised by Laurel Richardson (2000) and developed by Laura Ellingson (2009), brings together various forms of meaning-​making and writing genres within an interpretative methodology (Ellingson, 2009) to provide researchers and readers with a ‘deepened, complex, 158

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

thoroughly partial, understanding of [a]‌topic’ (Richardson, 2000, p 934). Within this chapter, we draw upon a variety of creative writing genres to present a narrative literature review, six case studies, and a provocative conclusion. We adapt the work of Neves et al. (2021), who research and write about loneliness in the elderly, as a stylistic guide that incorporates sociological and creative narratives in one crystallised piece. Each case study includes a sociological narrative with combined findings and discussion, a methodological explanation of our creative and analytical research and writing, and a creatively written account of the mother’s story. These three components combined within each case study crystallise our findings. We demonstrate that crystallisation has two key benefits for understanding how neoliberalism affects mothers of children with Down syndrome. First, crystallisation contributes an embodied and affective understanding of the forces of neoliberalism, which we argue is lacking in the current literature that is written in conventional academic prose. Second, crystallisation is ideal if we wish to ‘reach beyond academia, teaching all of us about social injustice and methods of alleviating it’ (Richardson, 2000, p 16). It is critical that the mothers’ stories indeed reach beyond academia –​we show that the health and wellbeing of these mothers and their children literally depend on it. While multiple social forces affect motherhood, in this chapter we focus on neoliberalism as it profoundly affects motherhood both internationally (Güney-​Frahm, 2020) and in contemporary Australian society (Hartung et al, 2014; Pascoe Leahy and Bueskens, 2020; Brady, 2021). We illustrate that, while all mothers’ experiences are impacted by neoliberalism, the effects of neoliberalism on mothers’ lives are mediated by mothers’ positionality –​their race, class, gender and ableness (Cook, 2019; Güney-F ​ rahm, 2020). We focus on how neoliberalism intersects with mothers’ positionality to shape their practices and identities, as well as their experiences with their family and community, and with medical, welfare and disability institutions (Whelan, 2020; Brown et al, 2021; Carey et al, 2021). Even though the mothers in our study are subject to the forces of neoliberalism, they also exercise agency by challenging normative neoliberal pathways. We draw upon feminist scholar Sara Ahmed’s concept of ‘hap (Ahmed, 2019), which presents an alternative to the imperative to search for happiness by following a normative path. Our research thus makes two substantive contributions. First, we contribute to the substantive topic of mothering in contemporary neoliberal Australia to demonstrate how the tensions, challenges and judgements that all mothers face intersect with mothers’ positionality and are amplified for mothers of children with Down syndrome because their decision to keep and raise their child subverts neoliberal expectations of raising ‘healthy’ and ‘productive’ citizens (Tabatabai, 2020). Second, we contribute to methodological innovations in researching and writing about mothering. This chapter demonstrates how a crystallisation approach ‘can be used in qualitative 159

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

research to enrich analytical and representational perspectives’ (Neves et al, 2021) of mothers in general, and of marginalised mothers in particular.

Narrative literature review When scholars write traditional literature reviews, we draw upon very specific academic prose conventions. Yet, renowned sociologist Laurel Richardson (2000, p 5) notes that ‘No textual staging is ever innocent (including this one). Styles of writing are neither fixed nor neutral but reflect the historically shifting domination of particular schools or paradigms.’ Thus, we argue that writing conventions are socially constructed, and that academic writing may exclude broader audiences, including the people participating in the study. In our creatively written narrative literature review, we depart from academic writing conventions and present an unfolding story that features two conjured fictitious characters. The first is ‘Neoliberalism (Libby) Personified’, a post-​ modern, one-​dimensional character (Smith, 2005). She ‘hectors’ an expectant mother1 –​a composite character based upon the literature and our interviews (Leavy, 2019; Cook and Bryan, 2021). ‘Libby’ presents the expectant mother with the ‘Neoliberal Mothering Manual’ and lectures her about adherence to neoliberal principles. While this manual is fictitious, the three key ‘clauses’ within it are based upon key themes in the research literature on motherhood in contemporary neoliberal Australia: the  intensive mothering ideology (Pascoe Leahy and Bueskens, 2020), the imperative to remain economically independent (Cook, 2019, 2021), and mothers’ experiences of judgement when they deviate from such norms (Friedman, 2018; Pascoe Leahy and Bueskens, 2020). Such deviation is made more challenging for mothers of children with Down syndrome, as they must interact with neoliberal health care systems that often perpetuate a victim-​blaming discourse and ignore their concerns. In Sebring’s (2021) research on marginalised groups, she argues that such ‘medical gaslighting’ is a symptom of structural inequalities. Our findings resonate with previous research on parents of children with Down syndrome, which found that these parents reject the neoliberal ideals of ‘independence, success and economic productivity’ (Frizzell, 2020 , p 1574). We contribute to this literature by applying Ahmed’s concept of the ‘hap’ to add an enriched and embodied understanding of such rejection and the ‘sense of purpose’ (Ahmed, 2019, p 197) that mothers find from having a child with Down syndrome. —​ I press the buzzer on the intercom. “Send our first mother in.” I spread my hands over my beige metal desk, palms down, pressing into the cold, hard metal. My organisation provides information to women to support their adherence to the ‘Neoliberal Mothering Manual’, which is 160

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

underpinned by principles of individual responsibility, compliance and economic independence (Gillies, 2010; Frizell, 2020; Güney-F ​ rahm, 2020). A smile sneaks across my face. They have appointed me –​Neoliberalism (Libby) Personified –​as ‘Expectations Dictator Manager’. Sitting proud on my desk, is the ‘Neoliberal Mothering Manual’ –​whoops, I mean it’s technically the ‘Neoliberal Parenting Manual’2; that’s the title of the updated edition. This manual is edited by conservative politicians, religious institutions and medical professionals. On the front cover, the manual’s motto glints in gold font: How to strive ‘toward those things that would or should make you happy’ (Ahmed, 2019, p 49). Mother Number 1 enters my doorway and warily eyes the clutter in my office. She nervously hops over some precariously stacked boxes, overshoots and slams her knee into the sharp corner of my desk. “Ow!” she mutters, rubbing her knee, and sits slowly, taking time to adjust herself in one of the two beige plastic chairs. It creaks and wobbles under her. I raise my eyebrows at her. Did she really expect my office to be accommodating? It’s common knowledge that the taxpayer doesn’t want to waste money on mothers … parents. Most of the funding for this facility was redirected to the construction industry3. She flinches as a drop of water plops onto her head. I gesture upwards: “The Women in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) Office is upstairs. They have a leaky pipe –​structural issues” (Kuschel et al, 2020). She laughs nervously and gestures around my office: “Are you going to move some of these boxes out of the way?” I tap the Australian government logo embroidered on my shirt, shrug my shoulders, and smile. Why should we change anything when individuals can navigate obstacles for themselves, just fine? “I am your Expectations Manager. I understand you are expecting”, a brief smile and a wink, “and you want to know what to expect from Motherhood. So, let’s get started. To be a mother in Australia, you need to adhere to the Neoliberal Mothering Manual. I will assess your eligibility and then you must agree to several clauses. “I am required to explain each clause to you before you agree. We will cover judgement, intensive mothering ideology, and economic independence. Do you have any questions before we start?” She shakes her head. I hand her a form entitled the Neoliberal Mothering Information and Consent Form. I read her the introductory statement: “ ‘Under neoliberalism, good parents develop independent children while doing so with little help. Independent children grow up to be economic producers’ ” (Tabatabai, 2020, p 115). “So tell me, are you currently working?” “Yes, I work full-​time. I’ve been with my employer for a while now.” 161

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

“Working mothers are quite lucky in Australia4. It says here if you fulfil the criteria you could get 18 weeks leave paid at the national minimum wage (Australian Government: Services Australia, 2021).” “I actually thought it would be a bit more.” “Look, you’re lucky you’re not in America. Most mothers get nothing over there (Koslowski et al., 2021)! And you’re not alone, Australia is similar to other English-​speaking countries, like the UK, in terms of what you get and what is expected of you.” (Brady, 2021) I can see that she is silently doing the maths, and is going to ask more questions about leave, and I do not have time for that. “Thank you for providing that background information. Moving on to the clauses.” “Clause 1: Acquiescence to judgement” I pause, raise my right hand, and point at the cross-​stitch inspirational quote behind me: ‘All Will be Judged’; in smaller stitches: ‘Some more than others’. She frowns. “According to Clause 1, the choices you make from before you get pregnant through to having and raising children are open for public comment, debate, and scrutiny (Pascoe Leahy and Bueskens, 2020). Some things will invite more judgement than others (Friedman, 2018). Let’s see… ” I look at the page. “You’re White. Good choice.” “Why does it matter that I’m White? Don’t we have equal rights in Australia?” “Yes, ‘all citizens have equal rights, but not all citizens have the resources, capacities, and opportunities to exercise them equally. Race, class, gender, sexuality, and ableness are markers that circumscribe the privileges conferred by patriarchal white sovereignty within Australian society.’ ” (Moreton-​ Robinson, 2015, p 139) I stop and read a footnote to myself and realise that I forgot to ‘circulate a strategic truth’. Uh-​oh. “Sorry, what I meant to say was that ‘if Indigenous people behaved properly as good citizens, then their poverty would disappear’.” (Moreton-​Robinson, 2015)5 “But never mind about that. Do you have a partner? It is best if your partner is male.” She bristles: “Yes, he is, though I don’t know what … ” “ ‘Achieving normative married life with a nice man’ is one of the best ways of achieving neoliberal success (Morris and Munt, 2019, p 239; emphasis added).” Seamlessly I continue: “Did you finish university? Or are you …”, I pause and look up… “poor and planning to drain our country’s welfare resources?” (Dermott and Pomati, 2014).” She furrows her eyebrows: “Yes. And no.” 162

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

“Lucky you! That means that I will not have to occupy your time and require you to ‘defer or cancel other plans and activities: comply with administrative demands, or face untenable consequences’ ” (Whelan, 2020, p 870). “All these poor pregnant people, wasting time worrying over their birth labour when it’s really the administrative labour that you should be worried about” (Whelan, 2020). “Fortunately for the taxpayer, we’ve designed government processes to be ‘onerous and opaque’ so that only those with adequate ‘ability, literacy or capacity’ can access them.” (Cook, 2021, p 20) She’s very quiet. I go on. “Clause 2: Adherence to intensive mothering ideology” Mothers in Australia will adhere to intensive mothering ideology (Hays, 1996) and practice the art of concerted cultivation, devoting most of your time and resources to the growth, development, and optimisation of your child (Lareau, 2003). “OK, that’s fine. Obviously, I want the best for my child. How exactly do I achieve that?” “It’s easy! Mothers in Australia are expected to spend an average of 5.3 hours each day looking after children.” (OECD, 2016) “That’s about five hours more a week than you were spending 20 years ago” (Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2021) “and more than twice as much time as dads!” (OECD, 2016) “Remember, your primary goal as a mother … parent … is to raise a productive citizen who will one day contribute to your country’s GDP through productive, gainful, employment.” (Dermott and Pomati, 2014) “According to the manual, spending a lot of time with your children –​ shuffling them to school, extracurricular activities and appointments is the best way to achieve this.” (Grant-​Smith et al, 2017) “This sounds like what I’d been planning to do. But what happens to the mothers who don’t have my education and resources? How can they manage all of this?” I laugh: “You’re funny. Look, you’re lucky you don’t have a child with a disability!” “Oh, what happens then?” “We call mothers of children with a disability vigilantes.” (Blum, 2007) “They spend ample time on the concerted cultivation of their child, which is perfectly respectable, but they take this practice too far –​they actually challenge my beloved neoliberal power structures and attempt to seize authority from respectable figures like doctors, teachers and bureaucrats such as myself, if you can believe it! In my view, their efforts are a complete waste of time as they only end up draining precious state resources.” She looks troubled, and like she’s going to ask more. “Moving on!” 163

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

“Clause 3: Adherence to economic independence “Avoid government handouts via options A, B or C. Option A: have a (male) partner who works. Option B: work yourself and enrol your child into childcare.” (Lackey, 2020) “Option C: refer to Clause 3.” “I’ll take Option B. I like my job.” I look down, squint: “This is interesting. Someone’s written in the margin. It says here: ‘Working women of Australia, you should not outsource parenting’, signed Matt Canavan, Gerard Rennick, George Christensen and Terry Young, Queensland Senators” (Martin and Karp, 2021) “Hang on, that sounds so old-​fashioned –​like something from the 1950s!” “Well, despite Australia being a secular society, some of our politicians, particularly the conservative ones currently in government, base their values on the Bible” (Martin, 2021) “and that’s a lot older than the 1950s, sweetheart! So, working means you will need to put your child in childcare, which puts you at risk of breaching Adherence to Intensive Mothering (Clause 2), but means you are complying with Clause 1.” “At least I’m part way there. What’s Clause 1 again?” “Acquiescence to judgement.” “Oh”, she says, looking disappointed. “Ok, I’m confused. How can I agree to Clause 3 Option B, if that means I might breach Clause 2? And Clause 1 doesn’t sound very useful anyway!” “If we don’t judge you, how are we supposed to hold you ‘responsible for child outcomes and thus for the health of families, future citizens, and the nation’ ” (Blum, 2007, p 202)? She looks confused so I explain further:, ‘ “Good mothers, with ostensibly selfless devotion, are policed and police themselves through fear of mother-​ blame, being judged inadequate, unnatural, or selfish’ ” (Blum, 2007, p 202) “Moving along. If you comply with Clause 3, Option A, you will simultaneously comply with Clause 2.” “That sounds like a confusing system.” “That sounds like a ‘you’ problem. Does your partner work?” She shifts uncomfortably in her chair: “Yes.” “Then that’s settled. If your partner increases his work hours you’re lucky, you won’t have to work.” (Craig et al, 2019) “Hang on, that’s not easy. I don’t think we’d manage on my partner’s income alone –​have you seen house prices in Australia lately?!” (BBC News, 2021) “Besides, I like my job –​I find work fulfilling” (Woolnough and Redshaw, 2016), “and that’s a lot of pressure to put on my partner.” (King et al, 2020) I sigh. They warned us in my training that they might be stubborn. She’s obviously one of those ‘career women’. I gasp; maybe she’s a … feminist. Yucky. I look back at the manual, cough, adjust my glasses, and continue. 164

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

“You have an issue.” “What’s the issue?” “You’re a woman. And you have selected Clause 3, Option B. Therefore, I’m required to inform you that you must comply with career regression.” “Do you mean career progression?” “No, regression, or a plateau will do just fine. To be an ideal worker you should be male, self-​sufficient, healthy, and most importantly, able to prioritise paid work above childcare and other commitments.” (Lewis, 2010; Berdahl and Moon, 2013; Williams et al, 2013) “I don’t know how I could prioritise paid work over my child.” “Exactly. If you work, you must agree to career regression when you have a baby.” I tap the manual with my black plastic pen. I stare at her. She stares at me. She blinks. I blink. “Why?” Why does she not understand? Sigh. I talk s l o w l y. Maybe that will help. “To be competitive in any career, individuals need to work as if they do not have care responsibilities. But to avoid being in breach of Clause 2 –​ adherence to intensive mothering ideology –​mothers have to parent as if they do not have work responsibilities” (Lewis, 2010; Berdahl and Moon, 2013; Williams et al, 2013) “Therefore, if you work, it should only be part-​time, which hinders career progression.” I watch the glimmer of career hopes and dreams fade from her eyes. Good. We can finish up early: meeting my KPIs! “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask. What if I have a child who may not become a productive member of society –​at least not in the stereotypical sense? Who will require a lot of expensive and time-​consuming medical treatments and social support? What if my child has a disability? What if my child is one of the 290 babies born with Down syndrome in Australia this year? It is the commonest genetic cause of intellectual disability, caused by an extra chromosome 21.”6 I quickly look away, then down. Why would she say that, out loud. If she can’t raise a productive member of society … we didn’t spend time on this in training. I look up, a sudden epiphany. I have a solution. “You know, you have options. You can terminate.” (Campanella and Edmonds, 2021) She shakes her head: “No termination.” I don’t understand: “Are you sure?” She shakes her head again: “No termination.” Frustrated, I flick to the back of the manual and slide my finger down the glossary to ‘r’ until I find it: ‘redirection’. ‘Happiness is one technique for redirection’ (Ahmed, 2019, p 50). Of course! 165

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

I pull down the retractable projector screen on the wall behind my desk, fire up the projector, and ‘an image of a good life is screened in front’ of her (Ahmed, 2019, p 50). Her child’s graduation day, photos from a fancy work conference, her wedding day: no traces of Down syndrome in these images. She places two hands protectively over her belly and says: “ ‘It is as if all that can be imagined is a future of limitations and lack of opportunity, yet in reality, no parent can know if their child will become economically productive, get married or graduate.’ ” (Frizzell, 2020, p 8) This calls for back-​up. I pick up my silver and black walkie-​talkie: “Back-​ up, I need medical professional back-​up in here.” “Please don’t; I’ve already talked to medical professionals about this.” But it’s too late, as clipped footsteps march down the corridor towards my office. The door swings open. He stands tall, his clipboard in one hand, mobile phone in the other. He says quickly: “I’m the sonographer. Here’s a brochure.” He hands the brochure over and waits expectantly for Mother Number 1 to read: Approximately 50 per cent of children born with Down syndrome will have a heart condition, which can range from a small hole in the heart to more complex abnormalities. Other problems can include hearing and vision issues, gastrointestinal abnormalities, hypothyroidism, and an increased risk of developing infections and blood disorders such as leukaemia. Sleep disorders are very common –​for example, obstructive sleep apnoea (OSA) is about six times more common in children with Down syndrome, resulting from a combination of classic facial features and low tone and made worse by the presence of other factors such as, for example, obesity (Chawlaet al, 2021) –​and can significantly impact the child’s overall function and development and negatively affect family life. The sonographer states: “You have options. You can terminate.” She shakes her head: “No termination.” He turns and walks out the door. Before he’s even closed the door, the General Practitioner (GP) walks in. “I’m the GP. You have options. You can terminate.” She shakes her head: “No termination.” GP nods, walks out, and closes the door loudly. Another arm in a white coat flings the door open. The obstetrician back-​straddles the other beige plastic chair. “I’m the obstetrician. You have options. You can terminate.” She shakes her head. Now in tears. “No termination.” The obstetrician stands up and leaves. 166

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

I look at her. “You are making a choice to fail to raise a productive member of society. Your options are limited.” She wipes away her tears. “I feel like the medical professionals are not listening to me and my choices aren’t being taken seriously. You’re gaslighting me!” (Sebring, 2021) “No, I think that’s ‘all in [your] head’.” (Sebring, 2021, p 3) She doesn’t look convinced. “What supports are available for children with disabilities in Australia?” Sigh. “What’s the weather like outside today? I’ve been indoors all day.” She looks confused, “What are you talking about? Why are you avoiding my question?” I mumble the answer quickly under my breath. And then loudly: “Well, that’s it for the day!” “What? I can’t hear you!” “Fine. You might be able to access the National Disability Insurance Scheme –​the NDIS!” “Okay, how do I find out if I’m eligible to access NDIS support?” “Oh no! A successful NDIS application outcome is ‘not tied to [your] eligibility for the program, rather [your ability] to successfully complete a form’.” (Brown et al, 2021, p 18) “You’ll be fine; you’re well-​educated.” So much for my KPI; this mum’s not getting her Neoliberal Mothering Certificate. I open a bottom desk drawer, brush aside the empty coffee cup and scrunched-​up napkin. I pull out a different certificate and sign it: I hereby certify that this deficient mother is ‘Working Towards the Goals of Neoliberal Mothering’. I hand it to her. “You can exchange this for the Neoliberal Mothering Certificate when you no longer have a child with a disability. I think it’s best you leave now.” “I don’t want your prejudiced certificate anyway.” She tears it in half, callously rejecting my treasured neoliberal values (Frizzell, 2020). Shocked, I lift up my prized manual in front of her face, and stab my finger under the word ‘happy’ in the subtitle: How to strive ‘toward those things that would or should make you happy’ (Ahmed, 2019, p 49). “Don’t you want to be happy?” I drop the manual into her lap pointedly. She lifts up the heavy manual in her hands, as if assessing its weight. “Now listen,” she snaps7, and glances at my name tag, “Libby, let me explain something to you. ‘Happiness is such a weighty word, a moral word, because of how it has become attached to the good’ ” (Ahmed, 2019, p 196). “Do you know where the word happiness comes from?” “No, we did not cover etymology in my training”, I retort impatiently. “Happiness comes from the word hap. It means chance. Hap is a lighter word than happiness, don’t you think?” 167

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

She stands up and unceremoniously dumps my manual in the bin. “You know what? I’m going for a hap walk” and she heads towards the door. “What are you talking about?” “ ‘To affirm hap is to follow a queer route … How we take a walk is not unrelated to how we live a life. To proceed without assuming there is a right direction is to proceed differently. To say life does not have to be like this, to have this shape or this direction, is to make room for hap.’ ” (Ahmed, 2019, p 197) She turns, gives me and my office a final glance –​is that pity in her expression? And she walks out the door. I pause, and imagine what it would be like to go for a hap walk … what is the weather like today? I wish I had a window … a life free of clauses and manuals and expectations. I flick the thought away like an irritating fly, and press the buzzer. “Bring in Mother Number 2.”

Data and methods used We present six de-​identified case studies: mothers of various ages, ethnicities, family formations, employment and education backgrounds. These mothers have children with Down syndrome who vary in age from 3 to 16 years. The case studies come from a larger mixed-​method study entitled ‘Sleep difficulties in children with Down syndrome: an evaluation of parent/​carer and family quality of life’, which received ethics approval from the Children’s Hospital Queensland Hospital and Health Service Human Research Ethics Committee (HREC/​20/​QCHQ/​65571). The poetry included in this chapter uses participants’ words verbatim, and is authored by Emma Cooke and Laetitia Coles (co-​authors of this chapter). This study included semi-​ structured biographical interviews over the phone or Zoom with 23 mothers. Interviews were designed to elicit in-​depth details of mothers’ experiences of receiving a Down syndrome diagnosis, of theirs and their child(ren)’s sleep patterns, their health and wellbeing, family dynamics, and access to medical and social supports. Interviews ranged in length from 23 to 131 minutes, with most interviews taking about an hour. The authors read each of the transcripts and selected six of the 23 mothers who represented a diversity of experiences. Laetitia Coles and Emma Cooke wrote the first draft of the case studies, focusing on the themes identified in our review of the literature. As we wrote the creative case studies, we aimed to reflect the personality of each mother and the tone of their story, impact the reader emotionally as well as intellectually, and expand on the themes outlined in the sociological narrative through creative writing, thereby ‘crystallising’ our analysis and findings. We employed an iterative process of refining the sociological and creative narratives and re-​reading transcripts, 168

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

which led to enriched analyses. Once the case studies were written, we consulted with Jasneek Chawla (a paediatric respiratory and sleep medicine physician) to ensure the stories remained sensitive to families of children with Down syndrome, and reflected her understandings of working closely with such families. In this chapter, we combine ‘multiple forms of analysis and multiple genres of representation into a coherent text’ that ‘highlights researchers’ vulnerabilities and positionality, makes claims about socially constructed meanings, and reveals the indeterminacy of knowledge claims even as it makes them’ (Ellingson, 2009, paragraph 5). Therefore, to assist the reader in making their own judgement on the indeterminacy of our knowledge claims, we describe our mothering and research background positionalities. Laetitia is a mother to two teenage boys, Sasha and Oli. Jasneek is also mother to an Olli, but Olli is a dog. Emma is not a mother to anyone, but interviewed half of the mothers in this study. Another researcher working closely with Jas and Emma interviewed the remaining mothers. How did Jas, a paediatric respiratory and sleep medicine physician, undertaking a part-​time PhD on sleep difficulties in children with Down syndrome, get mixed up with Emma and Laetitia, two feminist sociologists? Clinical and quantitative expertise, Jas had plenty But qualitative interview skills? She didn’t have any For best practice, how will we know what to do when there is a knowledge gap: the parents’ views? Her supervisor said “Have no fear, for I have a sociologist here!” Emma, armed with a sociological imagination and her PhD thesis on crystallisation Laetitia, parenting scholar, received the editors’ call Emma said, “We have some mothers’ data! Let’s write –​us three all.”

The mothers Ahmed (2019, p 12) notes that to think of feminism is to think of poetry, and states that ‘we hear histories in words; we reassemble histories by putting them into words’. Thus, to cleave to a feminist ethic of care, we have reassembled these mothers’ histories by transforming their stories into poetry and prose. Genevieve Genevieve is a sole parent and full-​time carer to her six children, the youngest of whom, a 3-​year-​old son, was born with Down syndrome. We 169

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

found a recurrent tension in Genevieve’s interview whereby she described devoting her time and resources to her children while simultaneously harshly judging herself for supposedly not meeting intensive mothering ideals (Hays, 1996) (for example, not cooking meals from scratch or assisting with homework). Her repeated applications to the NDIS on behalf of her son highlight the NDIS’s administrative complexities (Brown et al, 2021) and the life-​endangering consequences. Neoliberal ideals of economic independence imbue her account as she shares how she has had to rely on charity and personal funds to cover medical equipment and expenses. Genevieve plans to resort to political lobbying to overcome the barriers imposed by the NDIS to access the resources and support that her son needs. Genevieve’s story is a prime example of ‘vigilante mothering’ (Blum, 2007). Most of the words in this retelling are Genevieve’s, but they have been switched from first person to third person to remind the reader that this account is a co-​construction between the participant and researchers. We have added metaphors to draw attention to the emotional turmoil in Genevieve’s experiences, and we employ dark humour to critique the onerous and convoluted NDIS processes that she encounters. We illustrate Genevieve’s appreciation of her ‘hap path’, that is, how having a child with Down syndrome resulted in a “very connected” family. —​ Genevieve is a Good Enough Mother. Genevieve used to live Normal Life but now she lives Good Enough. Normal was ‘mumming’ to five children, and sometimes doing things just for fun, going to the beach or running. The bright blue ocean in Genevieve’s life was replaced with the dramatic blue tones of her newborn’s skin. Laryngomalacia, tracheomalacia: these complex words roll quickly off Genevieve’s tongue. Genevieve wants to be a Very Engaged Parent –​unlike her ex-​partner, he didn’t really want to be engaged at all –​but she just feels that she is Good Enough. It began with pain –​it was early on and there was a lot of it. She went to hospital and was told that she was pregnant. And having a miscarriage. But it turned out she wasn’t, thankfully. What she was having was an awful pregnancy. Every ultrasound they saw different medical problems, and the likelihood of Down syndrome and medical issues rested in Genevieve’s mind as a very vague idea. Genevieve’s diagnosis story is like an onion: as you peel back the surface layers, it is increasingly eyewatering. The diagnosis was a very rushed, but nice, conversation. She thinks everyone might have assumed that someone else had offered support. But no one had. Her baby is 5 weeks old, and really unwell. This rude nurse asks her if she knew that he had Down syndrome, and tells her he will be a burden all her life and if she had known, she would have chosen not to have had him. 170

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

For Genevieve, the Down syndrome diagnosis, it’s different, but it hasn’t mattered as far as having a disability is concerned –​the medical stuff has been incredibly hard, though. He basically spent probably the first year and a half, aside from maybe three weeks, solidly in hospital. He is three now. Genevieve gets up a lot just to put him back in his cot, a lot, like probably 40 times a night, she is not exaggerating. One time, Genevieve woke up to the sound of the shower. He’d turned on the hot water, thankfully he didn’t get in, because he has no concept of hot and cold. He had climbed into the bathroom sink and he was trying to eat handwash. That’s the one occasion that Genevieve was incredibly glad that he has a medical condition where he can’t swallow. He didn’t have surgery for his obstructive apnoea until maybe 8 months ago. She had been saying there was an issue for so long. She remembers one of the doctors told her “Oh, that’s normal for Down syndrome”. She says it puts a blanket over the situation, it’s like saying “Oh, you have a heart defect. Oh, this is a common heart defect, so we’ll just leave it”. A lot of the reason she kept pushing is because she’d also go on her mums’ group ‘Parents of children with Down syndrome’, and be like “Hey, is this normal?” She has learnt, over time, to be more assertive. Genevieve applied to NDIS for a Genie bed, which is something that could keep him contained and also elevated, so it’s better for his lungs. Sometimes he wakes up, and, because of his lung disease, his lungs are full of mucus, so then he can’t breathe. Genies grant three wishes, but Genevieve’s life is not magical and instead the NDIS has granted her three denials to her applications for a Genie bed. Genevieve has taken her application to the Administrative Appeals Tribunal. If they deny it again, because they said it was a restrictive practice, she will have to go the local Member of Parliament, because she honestly doesn’t know what else to do. Genevieve rang the NDIS to ask why they denied the bed and discovered that her son is not a son but rather an item, and no, they do not know who she is talking about, and no, they do not know any details about him at all. But they do know that that item is denied, thank you very much! Never mind that Genevieve and her son will sleep better with the Genie bed: that’s a ‘Genevieve Problem’, not an NDIS issue. What do you think that place is –​some sort of national disability insurance scheme? Sleep difficulties are supposedly not disability-​specific, so Genevieve couldn’t make a case to the NDIS. But she is a charity case. Someone nominated her family through a local charity to receive funding during the first year of her son’s life. The charity helped out with some medical equipment, travel and organising accommodation when he was in hospital: practical things, which was good. But other than that, Genevieve has had to purchase a lot of his medical equipment, like oximeters, herself. Nothing is cheap, ever. Not even breathing. 171

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Genevieve was diagnosed with the obsessive compulsive disorder after her son was born, but she has had the depression and eating disorder since she was about 15. She’s been in hospital eight or nine times since she had her son. She just doesn’t cope well with stress, she guesses. When she’s had her hospital admissions, she’s been able to sleep. Then she comes home and she’s like “Oh my gosh, I have so much energy!” For a week or two she feels great. Until the sleep deprivation begins again. Genevieve feels that she cuts a lot of corners with everything. She does a lot of ready meals. Genevieve always feels like she is not doing enough with her children. They’ll ask her “Oh, come and jump on the trampoline”, and she does not have energy for that. She doesn’t do homework with them either: it’s an extra thing she just can’t deal with. Sometimes she zones out mid-​conversation. She spends a lot of time sitting in the chair and not doing very much. When she is out and about, there’ll be rude people. She was shocked by how often it happens. One time she was getting her haircut, someone, mid-​haircut –​ and she had her son with her –​told her “He’s cute now, but just wait till he’s 40, he’ll be in a nursing home, because no one will love him or want him anymore.” That’s when Genevieve is really glad that her son cannot hear. Genevieve had wanted to go to university –​back to ‘uni’. She wanted to study nursing. She thought after she had her son, she’d possibly be able to do that and just study while she parented as well. But there’s just no capacity for Genevieve to do that. She’s just so tired she can’t remember anything. She just feels like she can’t focus. She’s also incredibly busy. There’s a lot of medical stuff, taking her son to and from and a lot of therapies. She does have time outside of that, but all she really wants to do is sit and do nothing when she has that time. She’s just so tired she can’t remember anything. She actually has the uni books. She reads them for fun, but she just doesn’t want to enrol and get terrible grades. She’s on Centrelink at the moment. She’s on the Carers and Family Tax Benefit. So, it’s a lower income. She really hoped she could study and, when her son was in school, she could do work shifts around that. She’s not really sure what she’s going to do. Asking about Genevieve’s quality of life, that’s a really tricky question. In some ways it’s a lot harder and a lot worse, like her health, but in another way, he has brought so much to her and her other children’s lives. He’s awesome. Her ex left, so that ended, but their relationship wasn’t going amazing anyway. Since that’s happened, the kids and her are closer. It feels like her family is very together. A very connected family. Paige Paige is partnered and has five children, the youngest of whom, and 8-​year-​ old daughter, has Down syndrome. Paige’s experience is a clear example of 172

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

medical gaslighting, a concept describing how medical professionals often ignore mothers’ lived experiences, ‘dismissing [women’s] health concerns by attributing it to being “all in their head” ’ (Sebring, 2021, p 3). For example, medical professionals do not listen to her concerns about the treatment of her daughter’s breathing difficulties, and she is told that her children’s behavioural issues are a result of her being a single parent (they are later diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism spectrum disorder). Her story demonstrates the pervasive and multifaceted judgement that mothers experience in Australia. She intimates that her mother would have judged her for having an abortion, yet she experienced judgement from medical professionals and the broader community for not choosing to abort her child with Down syndrome, largely owing to the assumed ‘burden’ on personal finances and medical resources. We have assembled a poem that consists entirely of Paige’s words and phrases. We sought to highlight Paige’s subversive sense of humour and rebellious attitude towards authority figures. The repetition in this poem reflects how Paige repeatedly confronts and rejects neoliberal norms, and defends her choice to have a child with Down syndrome: Are you sure you want this pregnancy? All the way through they wanted to know You sure? Continue this pregnancy? Down syndrome, drain, dependent on you, Financially hard for your family Talk to anyone? Able to cope? Solution: get rid of your baby Do you want to get rid of her? Thirty-​six weeks, to the main town we went Baby six, can’t put jelly in Give me a Caesar. Oh, no, no, no, no This is crap. The drip… is not working Now Friday morning, sent here on Wednesday If you don’t give me a Caesar … I’m walking Did you want to have her? To Centrelink, she’s got trisomy 21 In the hospital, fill out all this stuff Doctor ticked the wrong box: dead before two Was just distraught, an absolute mess He’d said “Oh sorry, I made a mistake” It was like –​idiot –​oh my goodness

173

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Nothing kind of positive coming from the hospital I’d say don’t feed, don’t feed her. I’m coming up I’d be going up all the time to like feed her Twenty-​one days, tube in, breastfed slightly They don’t cry for a feed; they just lay there I’d get up there. They were like, no you’re five minutes late Just fucking give me five minutes. Like, seriously? Did you know she was going to have Down syndrome? They gave me a pack. Down syndrome children like music, always happy, usually really slow They’re individual people. Growing personalities She was the quietest baby ever … once home Four hourly feeds. Therapy with other children FECS8-​run OT and physio Oh, that’s admirable of you I’d just seen Astrid. Putting her down to sleep I looked and she wasn’t breathing Doctor: lactose intolerant, got to stop milk Meantime: on the floor beside her I am sleeping A little bit bigger sleep in a six foot trampoline Now a queen-​sized bed. She still… …stops How strange to keep a child ENT paediatrician: just wait until she’s two Bashing your head against a brick wall Then had like this other younger doctor. 15 months Just looked. Her airways are too small Couldn’t do the operation here anyway Have to send her to different hospital Like they just don’t listen Turning blue. Can’t breathe. Snot. Mucus out of nose Start preventative medication Go to bed in my clothes; ready to go Doctor: Obstruction? Mate, not obstruction Oh no, no, no, no, we’ve got to admit her I’m going “she needs adrenaline” You get what you’re given buddy When I told my mum about Astrid, like: 174

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

“We don’t do abortions in this family” Not even part of the equation But they just isolate one disability Doctors telling me it’s because you’re a single mother: First child: autism; second and third: ADHD Just like get on and do it Falling apart, not solve anything Have a bitch and you’ll be fine You have other mums who are in the same boat; other shit going on at the same time: Mum’s broke her hip, Calvin totalled his back, antidepressants, and ADHD medication She’s just so … she is so normal Pregnant with a Down syndrome baby … it’s very negative But honestly, her airways are getting better The only thing … can’t understand what she’s saying Just … to tell her to slow down or whatever Still can’t eat mashed potato, ice cream, soft serve She will eat vegetables; it’s getting better Whitney Whitney is married and has three children, the youngest of whom, a 9-​ year-​old daughter, has Down syndrome. Intensive mothering is evident in Whitney’s efforts to seek treatment for her child despite repeated setbacks, as well as in her prioritising her daughter’s needs such as appointments over her own personal desires for work. Like Genevieve’s experiences applying for the NDIS, Whitney’s story demonstrates the difficulty of achieving advantageous Centrelink outcomes, owing to the associated time and administrative burdens that governments strategically impose on citizens to save costs (Whelan, 2020; Brown et al, 2021). We posit that, like Paige, medical gaslighting (Sebring, 2021) has been a defining force in shaping Whitney’s experiences of mothering when she repeatedly sought treatment for her sick baby. As in Genevieve’s creative piece, most of the words in this retelling are Whitney’s, but switched to the third person. Throughout the piece, we have sprinkled in some abnormal metaphors and unusual phrasing to highlight the underlying tension in Whitney’s story of something being ‘off’. This creative and analytical strategy foregrounds the medical gaslighting in Whitney’s accounts. We have also inserted metaphors that use humour as a tool to critique the power imbalances in Whitney’s interactions with these neoliberal medical, disability and welfare institutions. 175

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Whitney’s life was taking her first child to school and her youngest to ‘kindy’.9 She was pretty healthy. She had put on a lot of weight with the pregnancies, but she was able to take her weight to the store and exchange it for health through proof of walking. Whitney also exchanged her work for her first child. Then the store let her take her work back: a temporary loan. The serious car accident when her firstborn was 11 months old took the work back. Whitney’s broken hip and sternum put her in her parents’ house. Her healed injuries put her back into work again, 3 days a week. Her parents moving put a stop to Whitney’s work, as she didn’t want to put her child into childcare at that point. Whitney had a miscarriage. Whitney had another miscarriage. Whitney had a fourth pregnancy and a second child. She was classed as high-​r isk. Her third daughter was also high-​r isk. The doctor knew Whitney’s beliefs, and, in a symbolic ritual, the medical institution knelt respectfully at the altar of religion and recited: “Because you’re high-​r isk, I need to ask you anyway, even though I know what your answer will be.” No, Whitney definitely did not want to do ‘The Test’. Whitney wanted to enjoy Bree when she was born, 4 weeks premature, but instead a paediatrician took her enjoyment and replaced it with a puzzle. “How does Bree look? Like your other children?” “Yes, my husband is Asian.” She just looked very similar to her other girls. “Why do you say that?” “A couple of the nurses think she’s Down syndrome.” That was it. Never said anything else. Whitney worried over this puzzle for the 2 weeks she was in hospital, but she was unable to solve it. On the last day, they took a blood sample to test for Down syndrome. They were sent home and told to come back in a week and the midwife came out and said “No I’m doing the test now” and the paediatrician went off at Whitney “Why didn’t she come in” and Whitney called her doctor who reprimanded the hospital and sent Whitney to a new hospital and specialist. Simple and streamlined care pathways. Bree was sleeping quite a lot. She was tiny. Whitney was breastfeeding her but she just wasn’t putting weight on. They didn’t find out until a year and a half later the reason why –​spoiler alert: it’s ‘The Mum’s Fault’, is what ‘They’ say, and we always trust ‘Them’. Some doctors have a penchant for diagnosing mothers with being women. Prevalence: common. Symptoms: unreliable hypochondriacs. Prognosis: incurable.

176

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

Back in hospital three times. Really sick. Pneumonia. Severe bugs. Paediatrician, “Oh, next time we’ll investigate, next time we’ll investigate.” Referral to a health clinic to see a dietician. Whitney didn’t realise it at the time, but they thought she wasn’t feeding her baby. Is it just me, or are the lights flickering?10 Whitney had three companions in her bedroom: her husband, her baby and ‘Fear’. She always slept lightly with ‘Fear’, who muffled her ears as she strained to hear her baby’s breathing or lack thereof from the cradle –​and, later, cot –​beside her bed. Fourth time: floppy, not responding, wouldn’t wake up. In the ambulance there is a man, and he insists: a different hospital. Intensive care. Surgery to take out tonsils and adenoids; her airway was no bigger than a pin. Bree was using up all of her energy to breathe, that’s why she wasn’t putting any weight on. Airways opened, a light switched on, and Bree started developing. Whitney’s girls really felt it: “Oh, everything’s about Bree, I’m so over this”, the eldest complained. The middle child was quite clingy and always wanted cuddles. They stayed with their grandma and granddad when Whitney and Bree were in hospital and their dad was working. Whitney’s husband had sleep apnoea –​he would just sit down and fall asleep. He hasn’t got treatment for it, because he’s stubborn. He’s lost a bit of weight, though, which has helped him sleep better. His snoring disrupts Whitney’s sleep, every now and then. She tries to go to bed before he does, so she can’t hear it. Whitney is classed as Bree’s carer, although she hasn’t applied through Centrelink to get the carer’s payment, she’s just doing the carer’s allowance. She didn’t organise it properly. The problem was Whitney was too busy being Bree’s carer to prove it to Centrelink. Whitney was ill-​prepared, having never tangoed with them before. She had called Centrelink because they were cutting something off –​they wanted Whitney to find work –​she would have to search, find so many jobs, and report it. Answer this riddle: if a job application falls in a forest and Centrelink is not around to hear about it, does it make a sound? Complete this quest: retrieve the diagnosis letter, scavenge for the correct Centrelink forms, and ask your doctor to fill them out. Whitney needs to take her daughter to appointments. If she was to work, who would do that? Sometimes it’s frustrating –​how are they going to makes ends meet? Whitney was a hairdresser and there’s times when she gets itchy fingers, she wants to go back and do that creative stuff again. She’s been approached with work opportunities and gets excited, but it just doesn’t feel right. Now is her time to be there for Bree. Trying to keep that positivity and help her experience as much of a normal life as she can –​ what’s normal, though? 177

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Fran Fran is married and has one child, a 12-​year-​old daughter with Down syndrome. Fran’s story illustrates the extent to which judgement may permeate mothers’ experiences; throughout the interview Fran describes being judged and judging herself and other mothers. Fran feels that she is being judged for her daughter’s sleeping difficulties in interactions with her mother and her daughter’s mainstream school. Interestingly, Fran’s attitude towards other mothers is characterised by contradictions, whereby she judges mothers who struggle to cope –​labelling them ‘martyrs’ –​but she also expresses empathy for mothers who lack advocacy capabilities and therefore fail to access adequate disability supports for their children, which is a real phenomenon that is reported in the literature (Brown et al, 2021; Cook, 2021; Whelan, 2020). When Fran shifted from full-​time to part-​time work after having her child, she found that her employer reduced her work responsibilities, which led to boredom, decreased job satisfaction, and stalled career progression. Such experiences are gendered, given that part-​time roles are disproportionately held by women (Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2021). However, Fran is highly capable and was able to leverage her experience and skills to find a more desirable job that also allowed flexible work arrangements. Like Paige’s poem, this piece consists entirely of Fran’s words and phrases. Fran is an immigrant who self-​identifies as British and stoic, and she shared her story with evocative language, critical awareness of social inequalities, and a dry sense of humour –​all of which we aim to reflect in our poetic retelling: I was thirty-​nine. Aware that I was high risk Identified the moment that I saw The staff were phenomenal. Two weeks. New babies, greater needs. We got pushed down, out the door I had that spare pair of hands as well at home for eleven weeks: my mum staying with me; washing and ironing and cooking and cleaning All I had to do was care for baby For the first month I was trying to express milk I wanted to breastfeed, so much pressure Up for two and a half hours with every feed, wasn’t making enough milk to feed her The problem: twelve/​eighteen months, still wasn’t sleeping The worst thing probably was unexpressed: 178

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

my mum, ‘The Opinion’ (I was mismanaging my child’s sleep –​just be harder and ruthless) Gus was finding it difficult to not get sleep Then I was the one who was buffering his expectations of getting a full night’s sleep with Maleah’s sleep, desperately trying Work: back, part-​time. Bored to death. Not given any opportunity, responsibility Found another employer to work from home for; understanding and flexibility When I’m a terrible mother, I love my work My work is actually my therapy; sense of satisfaction. I would be bereft if somebody took my work away from me ‘Kindies’: evil places that rely on children sleeping for two to three hours a day –​ minimum staffing –​just about money. She’s up, ten at night! Just wild, ‘end of kindy’ phase Mainstream school: looking for excuse to send her home She had a bad night? Felt we had to lie Special school: feel welcome. Communication book, box to tick to say ‘we had a bad night’ Menopausal, anaemic. Sleep deprivation Exercise? I’ve got no energy to That’s down to me. Not going to go for a walk because Queensland Health tells you “You should do” Being a parent is lovely. It’s not all bad –​ martyred mothers, I really want to slap Almost competing for ‘most traumatised parent’ (can’t cope) I’m the antithesis of that Want to flag the impact of the NDIS it’s an enormously positive thing I’m traumatised when less capable parents don’t know how to advocate. Getting nothing

179

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

What if –​some pervert –​finds her dead under a bush? Kept me awake at night, anxiety What’s going to happen to her after we’re gone? I need sleep. This annoys the hell out of me Financially set up. But would have been on her own No friends. Don’t have that fear anymore NDIS: everybody should be in the same place, have resources to be cared for Feel like the back-​up is there. Now it’s established hopefully the LNP11 can’t kill it They may not resource it very well –​it will limp along and she will age and benefit She’s a pleasure. She does drive us to distraction That’s normal, what kids are supposed to do She is lovely, beautiful (ninety-​nine per cent) Kids are supposed to test you and push you Luana Luana is married and has five children, the youngest of whom is is 16 years old and has Down syndrome. Luana’s story demonstrates the devastating impacts of judgement on mothers, and particularly on mothers of children with Down syndrome. After giving birth to her youngest son, Joshua, Luana was urged to step away from the church volunteer work that she found meaningful. This experience illustrates how mothers are expected to perform ‘normative femininity and women’s “natural” devotion’ (Blum, 2007, p 222) to children. Like Paige and Whitney, Luana’s experiences of her child’s health issues were framed by medical professionals as a parenting failure rather than a medical issue that required further investigation and treatment. This medical gaslighting (Sebring, 2021) demonstrates a failure to apply an ethics of care to Luana and her family, resulting in over a decade of chronic sleep deprivation. While Luana’s account is profoundly difficult, she shared her experiences through evocative metaphor and humour. Emily Perl Kingsley’s poem ‘Welcome to Holland’12 addresses the unexpectedness of having a child with a disability through the metaphor of planning to visit Italy but ending in up in Holland. Luana drew upon the same metaphor and references the poem in her interview, but instead talks about going to Paris, so we use this metaphor to structure our retelling, and the words in quotations are Luana’s verbatim: 180

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

Luana and Abel’s fifth trip to Paris They learnt the language, packed the beret First Micah, then Ben, Crystal, then Lara Oui oui, mon ami! The chicken was served with the dry white wine The pilot announced: We might not be going to Paris It might be Holland instead Luana looked at Abel, he shook his head We’re going Paris The brownies were served with bitter urn coffee The pilot announced: We might not be going to Paris It might be Holland instead Luana looked at Abel, he shook his head We’re going Paris The plane bumped onto the tarmac The pilot announced: We might not be in Paris I think it’s Holland instead Luana looked at Abel, he nodded his head We’re not in Paris Although Luana had planned for Paris, “Holland is just as beautiful as Paris. Holland has windmills and tulips and lots of nice things”. In Holland, the nurse gave Luana a private room. A free room of her own in which she could sing to Joshua the songs of drunken hula dancers. Luana says, in Polynesian culture, families sing to their children. Luana had a soothing song for every one of her children. Lara’s soothing song was the theme of Darth Vader. In Luana’s culture, you don’t leave them with strangers, and you never never never leave babies alone. But Joshua was taken to NICU. And Luana went home. Luana’s church told her to look after her children full-​time. She was called to work with women. But “your baby is your full-​time calling now; that’s what the Lord wants you to do … I felt like I was fired.” The windmills stopped turning. And all the tulips died. And her doctor said: “You don’t look right. Are you intimate with your husband?” Luana said “I’m paranoid of having more children”. So the doctor prescribed her with having already had more than her 2.5 children –​‘as John Howard13 says’. Maybe she should have her tubes tied. 181

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Joshua never slept. And Joshua’s older brothers, Micah and Ben, set up a baby-​change operation station when Luana lay in the fallow fields and they stayed home from school to look after their little siblings. “Nappy? Check! Gloves? Check! Towels? Check!” Her doctor called the services in. The girls went to family day care, and Luana didn’t feel like she got a break; she just felt like she failed. And the soothing songs blew away. The children had emergency numbers to call. When it got too cold or too dark in Holland. And Gerry and Linda, their landlords and next-​door neighbours, would scoop them up and take them to school. And when Joshua slept, Luana slept. On the floor, under the cot, a foot in the face, curtains drawn. Sign on the door: Please don’t worry, but please don’t knock. I’m sleeping here! Abel quit work to look after them all. Joshua grew there, among the wilted tulips and the windmills that didn’t turn and the songs that were never hummed. In Community Crescent, the doors were locked, but anyway Joshua made up a bed in the middle of the night at Gerry and Linda’s next door, and visited the workmen down the street. He put on all of Linda’s jewellery and grinned wide as the sun while she cooked. He sat on Mr Abercrombie’s car in the garage and sang his own soothing songs at the top of his lungs: The Great Houdini of Holland. Joshua ate the chops and the chips and a whole loaf of bread. Luana bubble-​laughed “he’s really cute, you know”. The paediatrician (that cost “two hundred and thirty bucks”) sang ‘locks locks locks’. Lock up the food –​we can’t! –​lock up the children –​we won’t –​cut a lockable flap in the door –​we rent! But that’s the only song the paediatrician knew: ‘excuses excuses excuses’, ‘locks locks locks’. Didn’t he know Joshua shared a room and would need to not be locked in, because he was toilet-​trained at two, and they were really lucky: “we’ll take any kind of luck”. And didn’t he know Luana doesn’t sing any songs anymore, and she never sang that song, anyway. Joshua started school. Luana did karate for two years, and umba for one year. And did not sleep. And did not eat. And drank milk and took her antidepressants. And then ate. Linda from next door had a stroke, and her husband Gerry got moved to a home where the old ones go before they really go. Luana wanted to look after them, but they’re not hers. Theirs are of a different mindset, so Gerry was put in a nursing home, and the house was sold, and Luana, Abel, Micah, Ben, Crystal, Lara and Joshua packed up their silent songs, their wilted tulips, their frozen windmills, and moved from Community Crescent to Lonely Lane.

182

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

In Lonely Lane, dogs next door kept Joshua Houdini at home because Joshua was afraid of dogs. Joshua went to the toilet at night, and lala-​blabla to himself in bed until late. Abel would come home from work even later and would wake Luana to tell her random things like we got a new Prime Minister! Luana bubble-​laughed/​shouted “I’m trying to sleep here!” Luana read herself to sleep, then ate Krispy Kremes to sleep, and drank milk to sleep. For a lonely year in Lonely Lane. And when the dark and the cold settled in again, Luana, Abel, Micah, Ben, Crystal, Lara and Joshua packed up their silent songs, their wilted tulips, their frozen windmills, and moved from Lonely Lane to the city, to hear Luana’s sister sing soothing songs in the shimmering summer heat. Abel yawned a lot and rubbed his eyes. Why are you still on the floor so much? And Luana knew: the floor is quiet, and if she lets big Joshua crawl all over her, she sleeps in small pockets of seconds, and Joshua can’t fall off the floor when she’s asleep down there with him. And she bubble-​laughed/​ shouted: and you didn’t lose your songs, Abel! And her mum called on the phone: Why are you still on the floor so much? She had seven children and never slept on the floor, under the cot, with the curtains closed, and a sign on the door. And Luana bubble-​laughed: But you had your help and your house girls and a nannie and a grandma. Luana guesses that’s why her mum didn’t lose her songs. But her cousin called and her auntie called, and they whispered to her: “We were on the floor so much too.” And Luana clutched their support to her heart. Joshua was assessed in the shimmering city as a young teenager. Diagnosis: a touch of autism to go with his Down syndrome. Sort-​of-​verbal. He can sing his soothing ‘la la’ songs, dance to the music on the TV, and commandeer the remote control. The paediatrician (that cost ‘nothing this time’) sang ‘Oh What’s Going On’: why does he fall asleep on the doctor’s couch? Why is he waking and eating and eating and waking? She tells them it’s common for children with Down syndrome. Prescribes ‘help help help’ and a sleep study with the sleep apnoea diagnosis, not ‘locks locks locks’ with the parenting excuses. Luana bubble-​laughs. Why didn’t they tell us 15 years ago about his sleep? “But there’s no point in crying about it now, it will only give you a headache and make your eyes fat.” Now Micah, Ben, and Crystal have left Holland. Only Lara remains with Joshua, Abel and Luana. The windmills are creaking to life, and there’s a bud on a flower in that field over there. What was it like, Luana, to live in this Holland, for so long, without a croissant and no use for your beret? With the darkness and the cold, no sleep and the Krispy Kremes? “Well, he’s our Holland, you see, and we won’t go to Paris, we like this Holland.”

183

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Adeline Adeline is married and has three children, the eldest of whom, a 12-​ year-​old daughter, has Down syndrome. Adeline’s story demonstrates adherence to intensive mothering expectations; for example, school readiness preparation, focusing on optimisation of her child’s health, and prioritising Maisie’s care over her own work. Adeline is a prime example of how mothers of children with a disability often exceed expectations for intensive mothering and concerted cultivation (Lareau, 2003), as indicated earlier in this chapter. Adeline holds herself to a high standard of mothering and expresses judgement towards herself for experiencing depression after receiving the diagnosis of Down syndrome. Adeline conforms to the neoliberal ideal of economic independence; she and her husband have invested significant amounts of their own money to support their daughter’s needs. In contrast to Genevieve’s and Whitney’s experiences with the NDIS and Centrelink, Adeline has had success applying for NDIS support for her child, supporting Cook’s (2021) argument that advantageous outcomes are more likely to be achieved by the most informed, advantaged and capable women. Adeline said that research and to-​do lists were her key coping strategies, so we structured the creative piece to aesthetically resemble a list. We have added evocative metaphors to highlight some of the key emotional challenges that Adeline experienced, and we apply humour to critique the prejudiced attitudes and onerous appointment logistics that Adeline encounters. Our retelling demonstrates Adeline’s personal devotion towards her child, while also acknowledging how her socially privileged position contributes to her daughter’s outcomes, which Adeline herself is aware of. —​ Adeline’s life: • degree in STEM • husband • house • house renovations • baby (Maisie) Diagnosis: • fine, a bit dark • a one in 300 chance: the cusp; decided against the amnio: they wouldn’t do anything anyway; didn’t want to risk another miscarriage • fine, an interesting choice of word; if you were to say “It was a fine day”, you would not picture clouds that are a bit dark 184

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

The research and the to-​dos are how Adeline copes. Guilt: • Adeline wasn’t diagnosed with anything, but she probably landed in ‘Depression’ and stayed there for 10 months. Her child caused this vacation and ‘Shame’ wrapped its arms around her so snuggly that she couldn’t even wiggle an arm free to lift her thumb out and hitch a ride out of town • Adeline handpicked ‘The Chromosome’, who she describes as Maisie’s ‘third parent’ because it affects her life completely; except, Adeline didn’t do that, but ‘Guilt’ insists otherwise. • Adeline connected with mothers of older children with Down syndrome; these mothers brushed the gritty guilt out of her eyes so that she could see that their children, and her child, are perfect the way that they are. School readiness: • Adeline needed a path to take when Maisie was a baby, so she chose ‘School Readiness’; they did all of the reading programmes, she was reading by two (she took the same path for her next two children too) • Maisie went to school, and no one gave Adeline a badge or anything; she said it was like post-​wedding depression. Maisie’s fatigue: • Some doctors were door-​to-​door salespeople “Can I interest you in this fine collection of ‘That’s Just Because She Has Down Syndrome Excuses’ featuring the greatest hits ‘She’s Tired Just Because She’s Got Down Syndrome’ and ‘She’s A Bit Low in B12/​Iron/​Vitamin D But That’s Okay Because She Has Down Syndrome?’ ”; Adeline slammed the door shut on those offers every single time, being a subscriber to ‘Could We Improve This Somehow?’ and ‘I Want Her To Be The Best That She Can Be’. COVID-19: • A bad thing but it has been good for Adeline’s family • COVID-19 left her husband’s work intact but vanished his travel briefcase • COVID-19 picked up the screaming kids that Adeline was dragging across town to appointments and calmly placed them at home with afternoon tea, homework and Zoom therapies; fortnightly speech therapy became weekly • COVID-19 put the specialists (paediatrician, gastroenterologist, endocrinologist, paediatric haematologist) on telehealth14 185

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

• COVID-19 slotted the husband next to Adeline in the appointments because they were on Zoom; they receive more cohesive answers now because he picks up on things that Adeline doesn’t: really brilliant Work: • There’s an impact on Adeline’s life that we haven’t talked about –​she stayed at home for 11 years; she thinks perhaps if Maisie had been born without Down syndrome, she might have gone back to work but she didn’t. • She had gone back to work last year but she resigned when she got diagnosed with cancer because she just wanted to focus on the kids and her health, and they didn’t need the money • She’s worried she’s letting stuff slide at a time that’s very important to Maisie; she won’t go back to work until her treatment is finished and Maisie has done at least a term at high school, to focus on that transition NDIS: • They’ve been happy with it • It covers therapy; there is some budget to pay for a worker to go to sporting camps with Maisie: she loves sport; Maisie is 12 now and just on the cusp of where having your Mum there is not cool, also, Adeline’s got two other kids she has to look after Quality of life: • Adeline doesn’t think that her quality of life has changed; she applies a class lens to analyse her experiences although she doesn’t use those words, she uses these: “We’re lucky enough that my husband’s job –​we haven’t had to give anything up in order to give her what she needs. What we deem she needs … we’ve spent a significant amount of money, so I can understand if you weren’t as privileged as we are how your quality of life could be affected but we are very privileged.”

Conclusion This chapter makes a substantive contribution to research on mothers of children with Down syndrome, as we foreground the embodied and affective impacts of neoliberalism on their lives, which are sorely lacking in the conventional literature. Neves et al (2021) reflect upon the benefits to knowledge when we retell stories creatively. They note that these retellings have the power to ‘highlight elements we did not identify or clearly emphasise in the sociological narratives, from sounds to embodiments. These are critical 186

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

to a comprehensive understanding of lived experiences’ (Neves et al, 2021, p 49). But we do not plan to hector you any further about our conclusions15. When you read these mothers’ stories, what did you think we were writing about? Did you think about why the first paediatrician recommended that Luana lock up her child, rather than investigating his sleep issues? Luana had to wait until her son was a teenager for a paediatrician to diagnose him with obstructive sleep apnoea. Do you wonder whether medical professionals might have judged Luana differently if she had not been a woman of colour with mental illnesses (Sebring, 2021)? Her mental health improved when her son finally received sleep treatment. If her son had received treatment in early childhood, how different would her motherhood story be? Or did you think about how male partners/​fathers were on the periphery of these stories of intensive mothering? Were you exhausted simply by reading mothers’ visceral accounts of going above and beyond concerted cultivation –​ would you go so far as to call them ‘vigilantes’ (Blum, 2007)? For example, Fran put all her waking (and sleeping) hours towards optimising her child’s wellbeing, education and financial security. She recognised that her access to the NDIS was determined by her capacity to advocate for her child’s needs and viewed this as an injustice against those who did not have such capacity. Or perhaps you wondered about the stark differences between Genevieve’s and Adeline’s NDIS experiences? Perhaps you wondered why Adeline was able to secure a carer to attend sporting camps with her daughter, yet Genevieve was unable to secure a Genie bed for her son so that he would not wake up at night, suffocating from his mucus-​filled lungs. These differences could be explained by their differing ‘abilities, literacies and capacities’ (Cook, 2021, p 20). Is this more evidence of ‘onerous and opaque government processes’ that reinforce class-​based inequities (Cook, 2021, p 20)? Describing mothers of children with disabilities, Tabatabai (2020, p 127) says that ‘they are questioning the very taken-​for-​granted assumptions of motherhood and parenting. They are queering the family, community, belonging and human worth’. Powerfully, Ahmed (2019, p 197) tells us that ‘to affirm hap is to follow a queer route … you wander, haphazardly at times, but then you might acquire a sense of purpose because of what you find on the way’. The mothers in our study were often judged, and, for mothers like Luana and Genevieve, as a result, their capacity to access vital supports and resources was restricted, with profound implications for their own and their children’s health and wellbeing. Despite this, our retellings demonstrate that mothers create new meaningful values for their lives. The concept of ‘hap’ thus demonstrates how individuals may follow a path that may not necessarily be ‘happy’ by conventional definitions, but may be a way of finding fulfilment within a context that exists beyond hegemonic family ideals. 187

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

The mothers in our study happened to find: a very connected family it’s getting better what’s ‘normal’, though? Lovely, beautiful (ninety-​nine per cent) we like this Holland perfect the way that they are The mothers in our study valued their (often online) community of mothers of children with Down syndrome. This community helped Adeline realise that there actually isn’t anything to be blamed for because children with Down syndrome are perfect the way that they are, and they encouraged Genevieve to persist in her advocacy for her son’s medical needs. Currently, in Australia, referral for tertiary sleep evaluation is dependent on parents reporting symptoms, clinicians’ awareness of the high frequency of sleep problems in children with Down syndrome, and access to limited tertiary sleep resources (Water et al, 2020). In a utopian society, mothers would not need to become vigilante-​esque advocates, but rather would have easy access to diagnostic and management services, and medical institutions would prioritise early screening and treatment for sleep issues in children with Down syndrome to ensure that long-​term outcomes for families are optimal. This chapter is about Australian mothers of children with Down syndrome and sleeping difficulties. But it is also about any mother who has felt the constrictive, contradictory and cruel forces of neoliberalism, whether it be in the form of a judgemental comment from a stranger, an accusation from a healthcare professional, or a denial of access to critical resources from a welfare service. What might our world look like if we all rejected neoliberal ideals, like the brave mothers in our study? That is a happy –​and snappy –​idea indeed. So, does our chapter have an impact ‘that writing in that hectoring genre, prose, cannot’ (Richardson, 2018, p 663)? So far, we have presented excerpts of this creative writing to Down Syndrome Queensland, the British Paediatric Sleep Association and the World Down Syndrome Congress, and our creative writing is indeed having an impact: moving people to laughter, tears and action, including practice improvement and policy change. We have demonstrated that an embodied and affective understanding of neoliberalism has profound impacts and is therefore an ethical imperative. Acknowledgements We would like to thank and acknowledge Carmen Miguel (Child Health Research Centre, The University of Queensland, South Brisbane, Australia) who interviewed half of the mothers in this study. 188

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

Notes We do not intend our use of identifying terms (such as ‘expectant mothers’, ‘mothers’, ‘women’) to be exclusionary or exhaustive categories, but use these terms with recognition of their fluid social construction rather than implying rigid biological classifications (Sebring, 2021). 2 In Australia, support for parents, for example via ostensibly gender-​neutral policies such as Paid Parental Leave, facilitates care by a single parent –​the ‘primary carer’ –​and obfuscates that fact that mothers undertake the lion’s share of caregiving (Widiss, 2021, p 725). 3 Although this ‘facility’ is a fictional symbol in our writing, we are referencing how the Australian government was “criticised for focusing its COVID_​19 assistance on industries dominated by men” (Davies, 2021). 4 We borrow the concept of satirising Australia as ’The Lucky Country’ from author Donald Horne, who used the term as a reproach (The Canberra Times, 2021). 5 These quotes come from renowned indigenous Australian scholar, Aileen Moreton-​ Robinson, who critiques patriarchal white sovereignty still endemic in Australia. Her full quote states: ‘Within the race war, Indigenous sovereign counter-​r ights claims pose a threat to the possessiveness of patriarchal white sovereignty, requiring it to deploy a discourse of Indigenous pathology as a weapon to circulate a strategic truth: if Indigenous people behaved properly as good citizens, then their poverty would disappear’ (Moreton-​ Robinson, 2015, p 172). 6 Also referred to as trisomy 21. 7 Ahmed (2017) theorises ‘snap’ as a feminist concept. 8 Queensland Family and Early Childhood Services 9 Kindergartens 10 We refer to Sebring’s (2021) discussion of medical gaslighting. 11 The Liberal National Party (conservative government that was in power in Australia at the time of the interviews). 12 The original poem may be viewed here: https://​www.dsasc.ca/​uplo​ads/​8/​5/​3/​9/​8539​ 131/​wel​come​_​to_​holl​and.pdf 13 Luana is referencing the political discourse surrounding family formation in the early 2000s in Australia. At that time, the average number of children per woman was 1.75, yet there was also confusing conservative political messaging urging families to have more than their share of 2.5 children; some politicians went as far as to compel families to ‘have one for the father, one for the mother and one for the country’ (Farouque, 2004). 14 Telehealth is a medical service sometimes offered in Australia by practitioners whereby medical appointments can be conducted via telephone and/or videolink (for example, via Zoom). 15 Our creatively written conclusion is based on Laurel Richardson’s (2018, p 663) question and conclusion format in her Article entitled ‘So, why poetry?’. 1

References Ahmed, S. (2017) Living a Feminist Life, Durham, NC: Duke University Press. Australian Government: Services Australia (2021) ‘Paid parental leave: who can get it?’, [online], available from https://​www.servic​esau​stra​lia.gov.au/​ who-​can-​get-​paren​tal-​leave-​pay?cont​ext=​22191#:~:text=​To%20get%20P​ arent​ al%20Lea​ ve%20Pay%2C%20you%20ne​ ed%20to%20be%20the,for%20 the%20purp​ose%20of%20a​dopt​ion [Accessed 14 March 2023].

189

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Australian Institute of Family Studies (2018) ‘Farouque’, Australian Institute of Family Studies, [online] May, available from https://​aifs.gov.au/​facts-​and-​ figu​res/​work-​and-​fam​ily [Accessed 14 March 2023]. BBC News (2021) ‘Australia house prices soar at “unsustainable” rate’, BBC News, [online] 29 July, available from https://​www.bbc.com/​news/​busin​ ess-​58007​746 [Accessed 14 March 2023]. Berdahl, J.L. and Moon, S.H. (2013) ‘Workplace mistreatment of middle class workers based on sex, parenthood, and caregiving’, Journal of Social Issues, 69(2): 341–​366. Blum, L.M. (2007) ‘Mother-​blame in the prozac nation: raising kids with invisible disabilities’, Gender & Society, 21(2): 202–​226. Brady, M. (2021) ‘Conceptualizing activation policies targeted at single mothers: a case study of Australia and the United Kingdom’, Social Politics: International Studies in Gender, State & Society, 28(2): 290–​313. Brown, J.T., Carey, G. and Malbon, E. (2021)‘What is in a form? Examining the complexity of application forms and administrative burden’, Australian Journal of Public Administration, 80(4): 933–​964. Campanella, N. and Edmonds, C. (2021) ‘Families feel pressured to terminate pregnancies after Down syndrome found in prenatal screening’, ABC News, [online] 8 October, available from https://​www.abc.net.au/​news/​ 2021-​10-​08/​press​ure-​moth​ers-​feel-​about-​bab​ies-​with-​down-​syndr​ome/​ 100521​094 [Accessed 18 May 2022]. Carey, G., Moynihan, D., Cook, K. and Malbon, E. (2021) ‘Administrative Burden Symposium: Introduction –​are we ‘administering inequality’ through our welfare systems?’ Australian Journal of Public Administration, 80(4): 849–​853. Chawla, J.K., Howard, A., Burgess, S. and Heussler, H. (2021) ‘Sleep problems in Australian children with Down syndrome: the need for greater awareness’, Sleep Medicine, 78(Feb): 81–​87. Cook, D.A. and Bryan, M. (2021) ‘Blurring boundaries: the creation of composite characters in critical race storytelling’, in M. Lynn and A.D. Dixson (eds) Handbook of Critical Race Theory in Education, New York: Routledge, pp 251–​267. Cook, K. (2019) ‘The devaluing and disciplining of single mothers in Australian child support policy’, in C. Pascoe Leahy and P. Bueskens (eds) Australian Mothering: Historical and Sociological Perspectives, Zurich, Switzerland: Palgrave-​Macmillan, pp 381–​402. Cook, K. (2021) ‘State tactics of welfare benefit minimisation: the power of governing documents’, Critical Social Policy, 42(2): 241–​264. Craig, L., Brown, J.E. and van Tienoven, T.P. (2019) ‘Australian mothering in cross-​national perspective: time allocation, gender gaps, scheduling and subjective time pressure’, in C. Pascoe Leahy and P. Bueskens (eds) Australian Mothering: Historical and Sociological Perspectives, Zurich, Switzerland: Palgrave-​Macmillan, pp 317–​336. 190

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

Davies, A. (2021) ‘Coalition tries to woo women with a federal budget that’s all about making amends’, The Guardian, [online] 11 May, available from https://​www.thegu ​ ardi​ an.com/a​ ustral​ ia-n ​ ews/2​ 021/m ​ ay/1​ 1/w ​ omen-f​ ede​ ral-​bud​get-​2021-n ​ ation ​ al-p​ lan-r​ edu ​ ce-f​ ami​ ly-d​ omest​ ic-v​ iolen ​ ce-c​ hildr​ en-​ wom​ens-​saf​ety-​resp​ect-​at-​work-​rep​ort [Accessed 18 May 2022]. Dermott, E. and Pomati, M. (2014) ‘“Good”parenting practices: how important are poverty, education and time pressure?’, Sociology, 50(1): 125–​142. Ellingson, L.L. (2009) Engaging Crystallization in Qualitative Research, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Farouque, F. (2004) ‘So, will you do it for your country?’ The Age, [online] 15 May, available from https://​www.the​age.com.au/​natio​nal/​so-​will-​ you-​ d o-​ i t-​ f or- ​ your- ​ c oun ​ t ry- ​ 2 0040 ​ 5 15- ​ g dx ​ u r4.html [Accessed 18 May 2022]. Friedman, M. (2018) ‘Insta-​judgement: irony, authenticity and life writing in mothers’ use of Instagram’, Interactions: Studies in Communication & Culture, 9(2): 169–​181. Frizell, C. (2020) ‘Learning disability imagined differently: an evaluation of interviews with parents about discovering that their child has Down’s syndrome’, Disability and Society, 36(10): 1–​20. Gillies, V. (2010) ‘Is poor parenting a class issue? Contextualising anti-​social behaviour and family Institute’, in M. Klett-​Davies (ed) Is Parenting a Class Issue? London: Family and Parenting Institute, pp 44–​61. Grant-​Smith, D., Osborne, N. and Johnson, L. (2017) ‘Managing the challenges of combining mobilities of care and commuting: an Australian perspective’, Community, Work & Family, 20(2): 201–​210. Güney-​Frahm, I. (2020) ‘Neoliberal motherhood during the pandemic: some reflections’, Gender, Work and Organization, 27(5): 847–​856. Hartung, C., Wright, J. and Halse, C. (2014) ‘The possibilities of happiness: Australian mothers’ aspirations for their children in neoliberal times’, Families, Relationships and Societies, 3(1): 67–​78. Hays, S. (1996) The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. King, T.L., Shields, M., Byars, S., Kavanagh, A.M., Craig, L. and Milner, A. (2020) ‘Breadwinners and losers: does the mental health of mothers, fathers, and children vary by household employment arrangements? Evidence from 7 waves of data from the longitudinal study of Australian children’, American Journal of Epidemiology, 189(12): 1512–​1520. Koslowski, A., Blum, S., Dobrotić, I., Kaufman, G. and Moss, P. (2021) ‘17th International Review of Leave Policies and Related Research 2021’, Leave Network, [online], available from https://​doi.org/​DOI:10.18445/​ 20210​817-​144​100-​0 [Accessed 18 May 2022].

191

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Kuschel, K., Ettl, K., Díaz-​García, C. and Alsos, G.A. (2020) ‘Stemming the gender gap in STEM entrepreneurship –​ insights into women’s entrepreneurship in science, technology, engineering and mathematics’, International Entrepreneurship and Management Journal, 16(1): 1–​15. Lackey, B. (2020) ‘The rise of the “Lozies”: How lazy Aussies are sending businesses broke by choosing to bludge on the dole rather than work –​as some bosses resort to PAYING jobseekers to turn up to interviews and hand out free meals’, Daily Mail Australia, [online] 21 May, available from https://​www.dailym​ail.co.uk/​news/​arti​cle-​9602​573/​Res​taur​ant-​own​ ers-​farm​ers-​strug​gle-​Auss​ies-​want-​work.html [Accessed 14 March 2023]. Lareau, A. (2003) Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race and Family Life, Berkeley, CA: University of California. Leavy, P. (2019) ‘Fiction, feminism, and qualitative research: an interview with Dr Patricia Leavy’, The Qualitative Report, 24(11): 2929–​2933. Lewis, S. (2010) ‘Restructuring workplace cultures: the ultimate work–​family challenge?’ Gender in Management: An International Journal, 25(5): 355–​365. Mackinlay, E. (2022) ‘Chapter 8: Departing radically in academic writing: because, a manifesto’, in P. Burnard, E. Mackinlay, T. Dragovic and D. Rousell (eds) Doing Rebellious Research In and Beyond the Academy, Leiden, The Netherlands: Brill Publishers, pp 137–​147. Martin, S. (2021) ‘Scott Morrison tells Christian conference he was called to do God’s work as prime minister’, The Guardian Australia, [online], available from https://​www.theg​uard​ian.com/​austra​lia-​news/​2021/​apr/​ 26/​scott-​morri​son-​tells-​christ​ian-​con​fere​nce-​he-​was-​cal​led-​to-​do-​gods-​ work-​as-​prime-​minis​ter [Accessed 18 May 2022]. Martin, S. and Karp, P. (2021) ‘Female coalition MPs “fire up” after party room told working women are “outsourcing parenting’’ ’, The Guardian, [online] 23 June, available from https://​www.theg​uard​ian.com/​austra​lia-​ news/2​ 021/j​ un/​23/​fem​ale-​coalit​ion-​mps-​fire-u ​ p-a​ fter-p​ arty-r​ oom-t​ old-​ work​ing-​women-​are-​outs​ourc​ing-​parent​ing [Accessed 14 March 2023]. Moreton-​Robinson, A. (2015) The White Possessive Property, Power, and Indigenous Sovereignty, Minneapolis, MN: University of Minnesota Press. Morris, C. and Munt, S.R. (2019) ‘Classed formations of shame in white, British single mothers’, Feminism and Psychology, 29(2): 231–​249. Neves, B.B., Wilson, J., Sanders, A. and Kokanović, R. (2021) ‘Using crystallization to understand loneliness in later life: integrating social science and creative narratives in sensitive qualitative research’, Qualitative Research, 23(1): 38–​54. Pascoe Leahy, C. and Bueskens, P. (2020) ‘Contextualising Australian mothering and motherhood’, in C. Pascoe Leahy and P. Bueskens (eds) Australian Mothering: Historical and Sociological Perspectives, Zurich, Switzerland: Palgrave-​Macmillan, pp 3–​20. Richardson, L. (2018) ‘So, why poetry?’, Qualitative Inquiry, 24(9): 661–​663. 192

Motherhood in neoliberal Australia

Richardson, L. (2000) ‘New writing practices in qualitative research’, Sociology of Sport Journal, 17(1): 5–​20. Sebring, J.C.H. (2021) ‘Towards a sociological understanding of medical gaslighting in western health care’, Sociology of Health and Illness, 43(9): 1951–​1964. Smith, H. (2005) The Writing Experiment, Crows Nest, NSW: Allen and Unwin. Tabatabai, A. (2020) ‘Mother of a person: neoliberalism and narratives of parenting children with disabilities’, Disability & Society, 35(1): 111–​131. The Canberra Times (2021) ‘Australia truly is the lucky country in 2021’, The Canberra Times, [online] 25 January, available from https://​www.canber​ rati​mes.com.au/​story/​7099​286/​mat​ure-​deb​ate-​awa​its-​a-​lucky-​coun​try/​ [Accessed 18 May 2022]. Water, K.A., Castro, C. and Chawla, J. (2020) ‘The spectrum of obstructive sleep apnea in infants and children with Down syndrome’, International Journal of Pediatric Otorhinolaryngol, 129: 109763. Whelan, A. (2020) ‘“Ask for more time”: big data chronopolitics in the Australian welfare bureaucracy’, Critical Sociology, 46(6): 867–​880. Widiss, D.A. (2021). ‘The hidden gender of gender-​neutral paid parental leave: examining recently-​e nacted laws in the United States and Australia’, Comparative Labor Law & Policy Journal, 41(3): 723–​752. Williams, J.C., Blair-​Loy, M. and Berdahl, J.L. (2013) ‘Cultural schemas, social class, and the flexibility stigma’, Journal of Social Issues, 69(2): 209–2​ 34. Woolnough, H. and Redshaw, J. (2016) ‘The career decisions of professional women with dependent children: what’s changed?’, Gender in Management, 31(4): 297–​311.

193

9

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering: biographical perspectives on identity challenges of foster mothers Daniela Reimer

Introduction Across the world, many children who cannot continue living with their biological parents are placed into foster care. Female foster carers or foster mothers play a particularly important role in this context. Despite the increase in non-​traditional forms of parenthood and participation of fathers in the child’s upbringing, mothers, including foster mothers, are still ascribed a central role in relation to child and family care. The mother’s central role is both self-​ascribed as well as imposed upon them. This chapter discusses the importance and structures of foster care in Germany, and presents the tensions and difficulties that foster parents and foster mothers experience in their various role identities as ‘carers’ and ‘parents’ (Schofield et al, 2013). In this chapter, I reconstruct two multi-​perspective cases of foster mothers who experienced premature and unplanned breakdown of their foster motherhood. These cases are reconstructions of stories of Ms Baggins and Ms Meyer from Germany. The reconstructions include their own perspectives on the foster care case, the perspectives of the supervising social workers, and the perspectives of their foster sons –​all of whom were individually interviewed and told their own version of the breakdown of foster care. In the next step, both cases are analysed from the mothers’ perspective. All names used are pseudonyms. The experience of foster motherhood breakdown is then discussed, focusing on how this experience seriously affected the identities of both foster mothers, and how their experiences reveal central characteristics of a (foster) mother’s role. Finally, the question is posed as to whether the observed characteristics of a foster mother’s role shape the general image of motherhood in Germany. This puts into question whether mothers can simultaneously uphold modern expectations of being emancipated and self-​ determined, pursuing career and labour market participation, and meet the societal expectations of good motherhood at the same time.

194

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

Foster care, foster carers, foster parents, foster mothers: roles, ambiguities and ideas Foster carers and foster parents The aim of the first part of the chapter is to contextualise what will be discussed further regarding foster mothers. This part provides a brief introduction to the context of foster care in Germany and Europe, and the particularities, stress factors and challenges of the foster parent role, as well as its ambiguity, lying between a carer role and a parenting role. The placement of children in foster care has gained prominence worldwide in recent decades (Blythe et al, 2013). In the UK, Ireland, Eastern European countries and Scandinavia, foster care is the preferred form of care for children who are displaced from their biological families (Reimer, 2021). The European Union considers foster families to be the best alternative care setting, and favours foster care over institutional care; foster care is more economical and corresponds strongly with the ideal of a nuclear family (Reimer, 2021). In Germany, foster care is mostly permanent care; most children who enter foster care stay for five years or more with the same family (Kindler et al, 2011). The local Jugendamt1, which is the service responsible for family foster care, is not obliged to do permanency planning when a child enters foster care (Internationale Gesellschaft für erzieherische Hilfen/​Kompetenzzentrum Pflegekinder, 2010), but the Jugendamt regularly evaluates the care setting and the possibility of return to the birth family, which is always an option, even after many years. Foster parents have very limited rights. Hence, foster care in Germany is structurally unstable. Officially, foster care ends at the age of 18, but may be extended until age 21, and in exceptional cases even beyond. Many young adults from foster care continue living with their foster carers after the official ending on the basis of a private arrangement. Foster parents are a heterogeneous group who differ considerably in terms of social structural characteristics (such as age, education, economic circumstances and living conditions), family form (traditional families, unmarried couples, same-​sex couples, single parents) and their motivations for fostering (Kindler et al, 2011). Interestingly, there are extensive critical discussions in English-​and French-​language discourse as to how appropriate family-​oriented terms vs care-​oriented terms are to describe foster caring. The term ‘foster carer’ is favoured in order to uphold the birth parents’ status as ‘parents’ (Join-​Lambert and Reimer 2022). In a narrative, qualitative study in Australia, Blythe et al (2013) describe that foster mothers in long-​term care relationships often see themselves as ‘mothers’, while foster mothers in short-​term care relationships prefer to refer to themselves as carers. In a British qualitative study, Schofield et al (2013) found that the terms foster carer and foster parent represent different role identities, with varying 195

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

resources and risks. However, both role identities are subject to change throughout the process of fostering. Various studies have also shown that foster parenthood entails a high degree of ambiguity (Blythe et al, 2013), involves various tensions (De Wilde et al, 2019; Kirton, 2022) and places high demands on all those involved (Gassmann, 2018). Several authors have discussed the meaning of the divergence of social parenthood and biological parenthood in foster care in Germany (Gehres and Hildenbrand, 2008; Gassmann, 2018). In German foster care, foster carers are referred to as ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ most of the time. These terms are considered appropriate because they emphasise the emotional side of the foster parent–​ foster child relationship.2 For example, Gassmann (2018) pointedly refers to foster carers as ‘parents’, and to their parenting roles specifically. She uses the example of foster care to elucidate the vulnerability that parenting entails, describing foster parenthood as an ‘acquired’ parenthood and as such characterised by specific modalities. 1. ‘Social pedagogically co-​arranged parenting’ (Gassmann, 2018). In this situation, living together with a child is not preceded by pregnancy and birth, but by discussions, clarifications and bureaucratic challenges. Social workers make the decision as to whether applicants can become foster parents. Supervision is maintained even after the child has moved in with the family. The social work professionals may one day come to the conclusion that the child is better off elsewhere, which means that foster parenthood is under the constant threat of termination. 2. Desired and responsible parenting. Becoming a foster parent requires planning and must be well thought through. Foster parents have an obvious desire to be parents and are optimistic about parenthood. Foster parents promise to be good and responsible parents. 3. Norm-​oriented and representational parenting. Being a successful foster parent requires knowledge about what the society’s ideal of a ‘good’ parent or family is. Parenthood and family are ‘produced’ and ‘presented’ to the outside world through mental, emotional and practical achievements in everyday life (‘doing family’ and ‘displaying family’). Foster parenting is an exposed form of parenthood. 4. Reflexive and vulnerable parenting. Foster parents must consciously consider and discuss their parenting plans and motives right from the start of the parenting process. They anticipate possible problems and expect difficulties. Some deliberately choose a ‘difficult’ child. Injuries are to be expected in this type of family constellation; however, the injuries may go beyond what is expected, which makes such parenthood particularly fragile. 5. Dynamic and process-​oriented parenting. Parenthood is dynamic. Acquired parenthood may increase vulnerability due to the specific 196

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

constellation and the multitude of persons involved, which adds to the inter-​personal dynamics On the other hand, these challenges offer personal development opportunities for all persons involved. Gassmann’s use of the term ‘vulnerability’ (2018) makes the precarious situation of foster parents particularly vivid. She concludes that foster parents have to permanently perform a balancing act. Gehres and Hildenbrand (2008) describe the fields of tension within which foster parenting operates even more pointedly. They describe four contradictions of life in foster families, which affect both foster parents and foster children. 1. Parenthood is a psychosocial service to an initially unfamiliar child that is established via a contract, contradicting all of our society’s fundamental notions of parenthood as a natural process. 2. Foster families become potential competitors with other care services. This forces foster families into a position of being childcare service providers, creating competition with other services, such as more expensive residential care units; thus foster families must prove that they are a cheaper, but ideally better quality service. 3. Foster children are confronted with various socialisation models. This means that foster children have more opportunities to experience different life models than biological children do; many tend to test out different models, especially in adolescence and young adulthood (Reimer and Petri, 2017). 4. Foster families do not experience the unconditional solidarity that biological families do, which means that the social norm of living together as a family and belonging to the family may be repeatedly questioned and that the bond created by actual or supposed genetic predispositions is non-​existent. The described contradictions and areas of tension in foster parenthood make the dynamics in foster parenting particularly emotional. Hünersdorf and Studer (2010) describe foster relationships as a constant tension between closeness and distance, tipping between the two extremes of a functionalised love that does not demand any attachment and remains distanced vs a complete integration of the foster child (‘incorporation’) that distances the child from their own backgrounds and family heritages. Jespersen (2011) highlights further stress factors that foster families are exposed to, such as when the foster child behaves in a difficult or inappropriate manner, feelings of disappointment and self-​doubt, insecurities, loss of social contacts, negative reactions from others to fostering and unfair treatment of the child by others, and stressful structural framework conditions (Schofield et al, 2000; Sinclair et al, 2004). 197

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Looking at the extensive list of modalities, contradictions and areas of tension, the complex balance of closeness and distance, as well as the numerous challenges and stress factors, the high demands associated with foster parenthood are obvious. Foster parents are exposed to the risk of vulnerability, and stress factors may cause foster parenthood to be precarious and fragile during crises. The specific roles of foster mothers The situation of parents, including foster parents, has changed in recent decades. Parenthood today is increasingly considered as a partnership between mothers and fathers. The current ideal in family politics in Germany is that care work and paid work are equally divided between both parents in families. Over the last 20 years, there has been a shift of paradigm from a conservative understanding of the welfare state and family policy, with the ideal of the male breadwinner family, towards a social democratic welfare regime, which increasingly focuses on high participation in the labour force by women and mothers (Lepperhoff, 2022). In everyday implementation, however, care work still lies predominantly with mothers. A high proportion of mothers in German-​speaking countries work part-​time or not at all, and take on the majority of the responsibility for the children’s upbringing (Organisation for Economic Co-​operation and Development, 2017). The fact that mothers hold the major responsiblity for care work and children’s upbringing is also reflected in the way that the child protection system addresses families: social services tend to establish contact with mothers, while systematically overlooking the fathers (Sauer, 2008), and the ‘overburdened mother’ is a dominant figure in child protection cases (Alberth and Bühler-​ Niederberger, 2017). Holding mothers responsible for care work in families is not only related to individual practices of the division of labour in families and is not a particularity of the foster care system. It is a reflection of the norms and values of society and the cultural view of a mother’s role. According to Vinken (2001), the role of mothers in Germany –​as in other Protestant countries –​is highly religious and parallel to capitalism in Weber’s Protestant ethic: ‘The German mother, according to my thesis, is a time-​honoured product of Protestantism. Its cradle is the Reformation … Martin Luther established the phenomenon by elevating the upbringing of children by their parents to a service of God … The family is … a sacred space’ (Vinken, 2001, p 9–​10). For Vinken (2001), Protestant countries consider the mother’s duty to be ‘sacred’ and her role as one of ‘world saving agency’ (Vinken, 2001, p 309) despite the secularisation present today. Central to this mothering role is the attitude of intensive mothering, which is characterised by a high degree of presence and child orientation, as well 198

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

as an altruistic sacrifice on the part of the mothers for the children and the family (Arendell, 2000). This socially predetermined mother role results in a condemning view of mothers who are not able to take care of their children. In the modern German context, these mothers are still seen to be breaking multiple social norms, especially when their children are placed in care (Reimer, 2017). In comparison with the ‘failed’ biological mother, the foster mother has to be ‘better’, and has to continually prove this status (Blandow, 2004). Gassmann’s (2018) depiction of the desired, responsible and reflexive foster mother is thus coupled with the mother’s responsibility to live up to the presupposed expectations of being a good mother, as expected by herself, by society and by social services. This pressure puts foster mothers at particular risk of wanting to live up to an inflated ideal of ‘intensive motherhood’ (Arendell, 2000); behaving in a self-​sacrificing manner and of feeling responsible for the child’s wellbeing and development. Accordingly, the foster mother role becomes a central aspect of their self-​identity. This often leads to their own self-​worth being linked to success in the ‘doing’ and ‘displaying’ family process Gassmann (2018), and the positive development of the child. Foster mothers therefore risk becoming particularly vulnerable and susceptible to crises.

A study of foster mothers using the example of breakdown experiences The following parts examine how foster mothers deal with an unplanned breakdown of foster care drawing on a qualitative study on “Breakdown in Foster Care”, which was conducted in Switzerland, Germany and the UK between 2014 and 2017, funded by the Jacobs Foundation. For the purposes of this paper, only the German study is examined. The German cases were presented from multiple perspectives, and, in the cases presented, the breakdown took place several years ago. The multi-​perspective means that foster parents (or foster mothers), professionals and the foster children themselves, as well as significant others, were interviewed. The narrative interviews were partial biographical interviews, as opposed to full biographical interviews, with the focus being not on the whole life story but on a part of it (Schütze, 1983; cp Gabriel and Stohler, 2020). The interviewees were asked to tell their personal story of being a foster carer and a foster child. Professionals were asked to tell their story of working with the case. The interviews with foster carers and foster children were conducted in their homes and according to the adapted rules of narrative interviews (Schütze, 1983). After the very open invitation to tell the story of their foster care experience, the narration was supported by active listening. When narration was difficult to establish, the interviewer encouraged narrations by asking about specific situations (for example, “Do you remember your first 199

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

encounter with the foster child/​parent? Do you want to tell us about it?”). The narrative part of the interview was followed by additional questions that aimed to improve understanding of the fostering experience and subjective meanings. At the end of the interview, a few additional questions were asked about the experience of the breakdown (for example, “What could have prevented a breakdown? What kind of professional support would you have liked and needed during breakdown?”). The interviews were carefully transcribed and analysed using a theme-​ centred comparative approach (Lenz, 1986; Reimer, 2017). In the first step, they were coded with MAXQDA using a fixed set of codes (liabilities, resources, important people, professionals, self-​descriptions, stages of acceleration/​slow down), followed by interview-​specific open coding. The case stories were then subsequently reconstructed from the various perspectives and structured by the themes that emerged, which were: stress factors, resources, family roles and role models, case dynamics, critical life events, turning points, and phases of acceleration vs slow down. Individual interpretations of the events, their own positioning in the story as well as their interpellation by other persons in the story, were also thematised in the analysis, highlighting whether they were shared or differed from the interpretations of others. ‘Thick descriptions’, with detailed explanations of subjective meaning of the events, were elucidated. The meanings of parenthood and motherhood in care relationships are aggregated in the breakdown process. It may be assumed that unplanned breakdowns are –​almost paradoxically –​particularly well suited to analysing the specific characteristics of foster motherhood. In the following section, two cases are presented; the case reconstructions are based on the multi-​ perspective reconstructions, including interviews with foster mothers, foster children and social workers. Quotations are only taken from interviews with the foster mothers. The analysis presented subsequently focuses on the foster mothers’ roles.

Two case studies Perspective of a foster mother: Ms Baggins Ms Baggins and Ms Müller meet each other at a playground and become friends. Both women have a daughter and a son. Their sons are the same age. Ms Baggins’ son is diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She finds it difficult to accept the diagnosis. Her son is eventually prescribed long-​term medication. When the two sons are 9 years old, Ms Müller suffers from thrombosis and falls into a coma for roughly 6 months. Ms Baggins repeatedly takes care of Ms Müller’s son Sven, who is later put into residential care. Ms Müller passes away shortly before Sven’s 10th birthday. Ms Baggins feels obliged to take 200

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

Sven into her family, as no-​one from his own family can take him in. She turns to the local Jugendamt to start the process of becoming Sven’s foster mother, which takes six months: “At some point I said to myself ‘He can’t be left in a children’s home. I wouldn’t allow it, it’s something you wish for yourself when something like that happens to you, that someone is there to take care of everything.’ ”3. The newly established Baggins foster family moves into a larger flat to have enough space for everyone: Mr and Ms Baggins, their two biological children, and Sven. Sven receives therapeutic help to cope with his grief for 6 months. The foster mother seeks further assistance from the Jugendamt, which is not granted. Meanwhile, conflicts between Sven and the foster father (Mr Baggins) increase. According to Ms Baggins, Mr Baggins also has conflicts with his biological son. The foster parents separate when Sven is 11 years old; Mr Baggins leaves the family home. One of the reasons for the separation is that Mr Baggins does not support the fostering relationship: “He was also involved in the decision, but I don’t think he could deal with the whole situation and couldn’t see the children as equal. So that was also one of the reasons why we separated.”4 Although Ms Baggins thinks that it was the right decision to separate, the separation is initially difficult and especially hard on the three children. Ms Baggins lives alone with the children for a year. Despite the difficulties, she remembers this time as being relaxing: “Being alone was actually great”5. During this time, Sven begins calling Ms Baggins ‘mum’. Her biological daughter “freaks out”6, and the son asks why Sven is allowed to call her mum. Ms Baggins supports Sven and says she also felt like she was his mum. However, the two boys are very close friends, go to the same class and pretend to be brothers, at that point of time they say they feel like they are brothers. Ms Baggins meets a new partner 1 year after the separation who has no children of his own. From Ms Baggins’ point of view, the new partner approaches all the children in an equally neutral way which she thinks is a good prerequisite for a new start for the whole family, including Sven. The family spend a lot of time together, and the biological children develop a relationship with their mother’s new partner. Ms Baggins has the impression that this is where Sven’s difficulties begin. Sven has no knowledge of his own father (who was a ‘one night stand’). According to Ms Baggins, Sven is always looking for a male role model. Sven tries to establish contact with his biological sister’s father (Sven’s stepfather, who lived with Sven and his mother during the first 4 years of his life), and intensifies his contact with his biological uncle. Ms Baggins sees the reason for his desire for contact with his biological family in his “dichotomy”7 between the two families. In this already difficult phase, Ms Baggins’ own father dies, which deeply affects Sven. When Sven is about 14 years old, the conflicts in the foster family increase. Sven’s relationship with Ms Baggins’ new partner does not develop in the 201

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

same way as that of the biological children. Ms Baggins describes Sven as being stubborn and ‘getting his own way’, for example when he boycotts family outings. Sven avoids conversations, withdraws into his room and often feels unfairly treated. Ms Baggins feels increasingly physically inferior to him. Sven spends more and more time with his uncle. His uncle offers Sven his flat as a retreat (Sven skips school and stays there) and undermines the rules of the foster family (such as a mobile phone ban as a punishment). The uncle opposes the foster family. Sven begins to distance himself from the foster family: ‘And when I told him to stay here for a weekend or so, then we’d have issues. And then I’d just leave it, because they’re his family too. I didn’t want to have them in my house so that was also difficult … He could do whatever he wanted at his uncle’s. He could gamble all night long –​he had the best games, including shooting games and everything I don’t allow. I couldn’t stand it. But he could do that at his uncle’s. So, of course, he always wanted to go there.’8 Ms Baggins says that the family of origin ‘teases’ the foster family. According to her, Sven finds it difficult that the two families do not see eye to eye. She believes that that there is a lot “working against the foster family”.9 Ms Baggins’ biological son is diagnosed with childhood depression at the age of 14. The condition is connected to his relationship to his father, which sparks renewed conflicts between mother and father over the biological son’s mental condition. The medication for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is discontinued, which causes extreme withdrawal symptoms. Sven begins to steal from the foster family around this time (money, PlayStation games). Ms Baggins cannot explain Sven’s behaviour, but suspects that he feels like he does not receive enough pocket money or that he perhaps wants to buy expensive brands. The family takes various measures to deal with the thefts: they start locking rooms, and a wall is built to separate the boys’ shared room into two. Sven spends a lot of time with his uncle and biological sister. The foster family barely see him: “It was just sleep, eat, weekends away.”10 During this time, Sven begins dating his first girlfriend. He finds his foster mother’s advice about contraception invasive. Ms Baggins seeks advice from her supervising social workers and considers ending Sven’s foster care. She finds the decision difficult and blames herself for the breakdown: ‘And, umm, Sven was really desperate afterwards when he realised that it was coming to an end, which of course stabbed me in the heart even more, because of course I could see his desperation, because then he got really scared, realising that “Hey, I really have to go now.” But as 202

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

I said, it wasn’t about me anymore, I made the decision for the other kids –​they said they couldn’t go on like this.’11 Ms Baggins and her partner get married, and Sven attends the wedding but felt that he was not part of the family. Ms Baggins says that this is around the time when Sven inevitably becomes aware of the end of his foster care. Sven is about 16 years old when he moves to residential care. The foster mother does not comment on her feelings on the situation, but states that her biological children are relieved: ‘They were relieved that it had finally come to an end and that peace had returned. … Before we were always getting on each other’s nerves, and always arguing –​that really got on my nerves too. And so that really affected me, and of course it was the same for them –​and for Sven.’12 In residential care, Sven begins having issues relatively quickly. Ms Baggins thinks that there are many parallels with their own conflicts; for example, that he feels like he is being treated unfairly. The foster family maintains contact with Sven. After a short period, Sven is thrown out of residential care and moves in with his girlfriend. He stays in contact with his foster family through sporadic meetings, phone calls and text messages. However, the contact is not straightforward: Ms Baggins’ husband does not want any contact with Sven, so Ms Baggins stays in contact with Sven without her husband knowing. She sometimes lies to her husband about that contact. Sven has issues with his girlfriend and is accused of being violent, so Sven moves in with his sister. He wants to break off his apprenticeship. Ms Baggins tries to continue being a contact person for him. She believes that conflict and difficulties “run like a thread through Sven’s life”.13 She blames herself. Perspective of a foster mother: Ms Meyer Shortly after his birth, Thomas is removed from his family of origin and placed in short-​term foster care. As Thomas is described by the first (short-​ term) foster family to be ‘restless’ and his behaviour to be ‘worrying’, the Jugendamt look for a family that can be flexible to his needs. The Jugendamt rule out the possibility of Thomas returning to his family of origin and approach the Meyer family, who had previously adopted a child. Ms Meyer and her husband wish to adopt a second child, but this is not possible. They therefore decide to take Thomas in, despite being informed of Thomas’s issues: ‘Then Thomas was transferred from short-​term care to full-​time foster care. We actually always wanted to adopt a second child. Then 203

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

the Jugendamt asked: “Would you also consider taking a child into foster care?” And then we said: “Mm, if he stays with us long-​term, then yes”, because we didn’t want a back and forth. And that’s what happened and that’s why Thomas came. So then the Jugendamt told us that Thomas’s behaviour was worrying because he cried a lot when he was with the short-​term foster family, he cried a lot, he was very restless. And then we said “OK, we can manage that”.’14 Ms Meyer associates Thomas’s arrival with stress, and the family situation changes fundamentally. All those involved think Thomas’s behaviour is worrying: “Well, Thomas was, uh, we got him when he was one year old. And it was already obvious that he was experiencing a developmental delay”.15 Despite this, Thomas integrates himself into the family; contact with the family of origin is limited to a few irregular and accompanied visits with his biological mother, until eventually it stops completely. Thomas and the foster family increasingly experience an emotional sense of belonging together. Nevertheless, big conflicts gradually manifest themselves, making it increasingly difficult for them to live together. Ms Meyer says that, as a little child, Thomas is unable to follow rules or accept boundaries, and cannot recognise other people’s needs besides his own. He often reacts with aggression, which he expresses not only verbally but also physically: ‘As Thomas grew up he became ever more problematic and ever more challenging. He was really violent –​he even threw stones and solid objects at me. There were always situations, I’ll put it this way, where he didn’t get his way, where I tried to set rules and Thomas couldn’t accept them.’16 At the age of three, Thomas is diagnosed with a growth disorder and is placed in a nursery for special educational needs. One year after the diagnosis, Ms and Mr Meyer separate. Mr Meyer’s departure increases the burden on Ms Meyer, who now has to manage the usual daily routine, as well as deal with Thomas on her own. She initially receives support from Mr Meyer. Due to his delayed development, Thomas is enrolled in a school that specialises in physical development. Ms Meyer is hopeful that she will have some respite when he starts going to school. The prospect of times of peace –​without big conflicts –​encourages the foster mother to maintain the foster relationship. However, the reality is different: the teachers are overwhelmed with Thomas’s behaviour and frequently exclude him from lessons. All in all, Thomas can only attend school half the time, sometimes only for a few hours. Staying at school in the afternoon is impossible. Ms Meyer is therefore permanently in charge of her foster son, without respite. Thomas’s inability to attend school further exacerbates the situation at home: “I had to go and pick him 204

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

up all the time. So that was really hard, I argued with the teachers a lot, because I said to the teacher: ‘You can’t make me pick him up again, what am I supposed to do with him at home?’ ”17 Ms Meyer finds that Thomas is barely able to stand intimacy, but at the same time needs unconditional love. If Thomas’s health improved, he could be enrolled in a regular school. However, there is no improvement. As there are no explanations for Thomas’s behaviour, numerous attempts are made to diagnose him, without success. Therapeutic help (play therapy, behavioural therapy, psychoanalysis) does not provide effective support: ‘I can’t even remember all the therapies we tried when he was small –​ psychoanalysis, behaviour therapy, play therapy. We’d exhausted all forms of therapy –​even all the therapists had reached their limits, so at some point even they said: “Hmm, Ms Meyer, we can’t think of anything else either.’18 Alternative attempts also failed: “The Jugendamt tried to organise holidays for him. Exactly two days, then the call came: ‘Could you pick up your child?’ ”19 In subsequent years, his aggressive behaviour becomes increasingly serious. In addition to hurting others, Thomas shows signs of self-​harming: he wants to jump out of windows, he tortures animals and threatens his foster mother: “The worst moment was when he came at me with a knife when he was eight or nine years old.”20 In order to make the situation less stressful for all involved, the Jugendamt responsible for their case advises Ms Meyer to end foster care, and her close relatives support this advice. However, Ms Meyer herself cannot bring herself to decide about a breakdown: “It was very difficult for me –​I told all my friends: ‘Oh, I don’t want to give him up.’ ”21 Eighteen months pass, full of self-​doubt and feelings of guilt: “I was so disappointed in myself that I hadn’t made it and I thought: ‘Oh, now the Jugendamt will see that you’re a failure’. I always blamed myself.”22 Due to the increasing physical aggression, the situation worsens. At the same time, she worries about her adopted child, who is also suffering under these conditions: “In the evenings I just cried. I finally realised I was really at my limit.”23 Ms Meyer finally ends the foster relationship. In retrospect, she does not only identify Thomas’s aggression as the reason for ending the care relationship, but also highlights her fear of inflicting violence herself: “And when I realised that I had a tendency towards violence, I thought: ‘This is no longer possible, this is no longer possible.’ ”24 Although the foster relationship broke down and Thomas was placed in residential care when he was nine years old, contact with the Meyer family 205

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

continued over the years with regular weekend visits, weekly telephone calls and joint holidays: “sometimes he called every day”.25 In the first years after the breakdown, Ms Meyer acts as the central contact person for Thomas. However, this is again accompanied by an enormous amount of stress, which eventually results in Ms Meyer distancing herself: “I had to distance myself, because at the beginning I was still aware of all the trouble in the institutions.”26 As Thomas grows up and as his living situation changes (children’s home, psychiatry, living with biological relatives, independent living), the contact is maintained, albeit with varying intensity. To this day, Ms Meyer feels responsible for Thomas, as well as burdened by him: “From an emotional point of view, I still see him as my son to a certain extent.”27 However, she also however expresses that “I can’t sleep when he comes to visit, because I always think: ‘Wow, what if he gets up and does something stupid’. … that fear’s still inside is me, yes, that he’ll do something stupid and dangerous. He really pushed me to my limits before, he really traumatised me.”28

Case analysis: what the experience of unplanned breakdown shows about foster mothers There are a number of differences between the two cases. First of all, the mothers have different motivations for taking in a foster child. The family constellations differ and the foster children are different ages when the foster care placements start. Furthermore, the experience of the breakdown differs, and the meanings that the foster mothers attribute to the breakdown differ as well. Nevertheless, there are common characteristics that may be identified in the breakdowns, especially in how the foster mothers deal with the situation. These modalities of breakdowns are repeatedly observed in other case studies, including those from the Swiss sample of the ‘Breakdown in Foster Care’ project (Gabriel and Stohler 2020). The following chapter analysis and the case stories point out the role of the two foster mothers, their identity struggles and their ambiguities. The foster mothers consider themselves as mothers Despite the different motivations for fostering, both foster mothers consider themselves emotionally as ‘mothers’ or ‘mums’ to their foster sons. The terms ‘mother’ and ‘mum’ refer from their point of view to a strong emotional bond and a feeling of responsibility for their sons. Both still blame themselves and feel guilty for ending their official foster motherhood. Unofficially, they try to maintain a kind of mother role for their foster sons, even many years after the breakdowns. Today, Ms Meyer even considers Thomas as her son “to a certain extent”29, while Ms Baggins feels “as if ”30 she is Sven’s mother. The 206

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

contact between foster mother and foster son is regularly criticised by those around them, even to the extent that Ms Baggins conceals it from her own husband. Despite the criticism, the foster mothers’ strong sense of responsibility does not permit complete breaking off of contact, despite all the burdens that arise for the foster mothers from the contact. The contact possibly helps the foster mothers to continue feeling as if they are (foster) mothers to their respective foster sons and to uphold their self-​image of being good mothers in the face of the failed foster care. Perhaps it represents a kind of reparation for the breakdown. Interestingly, both narratives highlight that the mother–​son relationship continues but does not develop into a reciprocal adult relationship. Even as both foster sons reach adulthood, their foster mothers continue to play a comforting, emotionally nurturing, disciplining and providing role. Justification for the breakdown of the placement Both foster mothers are emotional about the relationship with their respective foster sons and about the struggles before the breakdown. However, the description of the breakdown itself is rather unemotional in their narratives, marked by the fact that the foster mothers appear to consider that it requires justification –​probably as an effect of the huge societal pressure placed on these women to be ‘good mothers’. Both Ms Baggins and Ms Meyer describe their foster children’s behaviour as difficult. Both boys, Thomas in particular, are labelled as problematic; they struggle to abide by rules, are aggressive and are a threat to the family. Thomas is even described as being dangerous (towards others and himself). Professionals are overwhelmed, including therapists and schools. The foster mothers’ view of their foster children as being difficult is reinforced by the continued difficulties that both boys experience once foster care ends. The attribution of ‘difficult’ is communicated as a personality trait of the foster sons. In both cases, the focal point of the justifications for the breakdown is the foster child and his difficult behaviour, and this interpretation is supported and even reinforced by the accompanying professionals. In addition to the foster sons’ behaviour, a justification that both foster mothers express for the breakdown is their concern about their own biological or adopted children. Both mothers place the wellbeing of their biological/​adoptive children above the needs of their foster child and above their own needs. They are concerned about their children’s wellbeing, rather than their own difficulties and the limits they face emotionally. In both cases, the foster child is characterised as a ‘black sheep’ who is a threat to the other children. The Baggins family fear that Sven targets the other children’s property. The Meyers experience bodily harm from Sven. While Thomas and Sven continue to have problems after coming out of foster care, the mothers are able to uphold their image of being ‘good mothers’ 207

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

by pointing out their own children’s positive development after the official breakdown of the foster motherhood. This highlights the fact that both foster mothers’ concept of good motherhood is defined by the success of their biological children. They are mothers with responsibilities to their own children, but mothers to the foster son “as if ” and to “a certain extent”, which accords importance to the foster child but prioritises their biological children. The idea of being a good mother is therefore not threatened by their failures with their foster children; a positive parental self-​image is rather strengthened by being a good mother to the biological or adopted children. This suggests that it may be easier for foster mothers to maintain a positive maternal self-​image, despite an unplanned breakdown of foster motherhood, if they have their own biological or adopted children (cp. Gassmann, 2018). However, these justifications are accompanied by self-​ doubt, self-​blaming and guilt. Based on the interviews, it seems reasonable to assume that legitimising the failure by blaming it on the ‘difficult child’ and the wellbeing of the biological/​adoptive children is rather a superficial interpretation that is supported by professionals. However, on a deeper level, it is possible that the mothers have other unspoken interpretations that criticise this superficial self-​image. Relief and failure The breakdown is unplanned yet (co-​)initiated by the foster mothers –​and simultaneously experienced as a relief and a failure. Both foster mothers describe the official breakdown as their decision after a long struggle and as an interplay between feelings of failure and feelings of relief. On the one hand, they struggle with feelings of failure, self-​doubt and self-​reproach –​which cause them to delay ending the foster mothering. On the other hand, the official breakdown –​which ends living together and everyday responsibilities but does not end the relationship –​is experienced as a relief, and creates space for the mothers to concentrate on the needs of their other children. Despite the relief, an aspect of failure is omnipresent in both accounts. Both mothers battle with confronting this feeling. Referring to the introduction on foster care in the chapter, the vulnerability of parenthood, described by Gassmann (2018), is magnified in the event of an unplanned breakdown. Both Ms Baggins and Ms Meyer underwent assessments before they were deemed suitable to become foster mothers. The foster mothers wanted to become mothers and were willing to take on responsibility of their foster sons, which resulted in their motherhood being co-​arranged by social workers (Gassmann, 2018). The experience of breakdown called both their suitability as well as their desire to be foster mothers into question. ‘Doing family’ and ‘displaying family’ could not be sufficiently established and presented (Gassmann, 2018). 208

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

In the case stories, it is obvious that feelings of failure are partly compensated for by maintaining contact after ending the foster care. However, both mothers continue to struggle to deal with their failure years after the placement ends; the interviews took place several years after the foster placement ended, and yet the mothers still seem to be caught up in an ongoing identity crisis. The foster mothers constantly express doubts as to whether they really did do everything in their power to support their foster sons. This doubt may be explained by the mothers trying but failing to live up to the norm-​oriented and self-​sacrificing foster mother role for the foster sons, which would have included not just maintaining a relationship but living together until the foster child reaches at least the age of 18. Accumulation of stress in the foster family In both cases, breakdown of the placement is preceded by an accumulation of difficult experiences in the foster families. These include personal issues that the biological or foster children have, including illness, financial issues, the parents separating and deaths of members of the foster family. In both case studies, similar dynamics appear, separation from spouses. It is clearly the foster mothers that are left with the responsibility to bring up both biological (or adopted) and foster children after separating from the foster fathers. In both cases, the fathers withdrew after the separation, one after a longer period of time and the other quickly, leaving the mothers to fend for themselves. It is noticeable that both foster mothers first address their children’s issues, including the foster children’s issues, before addressing their own stress factors. For example, Ms Baggins does not mention her own mourning process when talking about separating from her first partner or the death of her father, focusing only on the stress that her children, including Sven, experience. Ms Meyer avoids talking about her separation completely, only mentioning her ex-​husband’s initial but ever-​decreasing support. She does not talk about how she was able to support herself and her children financially. The fact that both mothers avoid talking about their own struggles and focus solely on those of their children indicates that they uphold the ideals of norm-​oriented motherhood (the foster mother as the better mother), as well as the self-​sacrificing mother. It is striking that the foster mothers do not report much on how they were supported in their crises, and by whom, if at all. Foster mothers and foster sons In both cases, the foster mothers ended the official foster relationship with their foster sons. The mothers describe intense bonds with the foster sons 209

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

that survived separations from their partners, and these relationships are considered as meaningful, even beyond placement breakdown. In the foster mother–​foster son relationships, issues that may be interpreted as gender-​related appear. Ms Baggins mentions several times that Sven missed a male role model and did not bond with her partners, and talking about sensitive issues such as contraception resulted in conflicts. While Ms Baggins feels that she was able to fill the mother role, Sven always missed a person who could take the father’s role. Ms Meyer mentions that she experienced her foster son as being physically superior to the extent that she was afraid of her foster son’s violence and felt unable to limit him, even at a young age. These gender issues appear to be even more important as both foster mothers were single mothers for some time. These components create relationship dynamics that were also part of the dynamics resulting in the breakdown.

Conclusion Foster mothers step in when birth parents cannot care for a child for a wide range of reasons, such as underage motherhood, physical and mental illness, addiction, precarious life situations and severe biographical liabilities. In Germany, children are not taken into foster care at will; the most frequent reason for a child being taken away from the biological parents is that the child’s wellbeing is not guaranteed (Reimer, 2017). Birth mothers are thus perceived as having failed to provide for and care for their child. Foster mothers, in contrast, are perceived as ‘better’ mothers in comparison with birth mothers. In some circumstances, foster mothers feel that they constantly have to prove that they are ‘better’ as they are under constant observation from state agencies who may decide at any time to withdraw the child from the foster family. In addition, foster mothers have to ‘display’ their motherhood to those who surround them , and wish to fulfil the mother role perfectly due to their conscious decision to be foster mothers (Gassmann, 2018). Foster mothers are trained, assessed, accompanied and supervised in their motherhood. Returning to Gassmann’s (2018) modalities of foster parenting, it may be assumed that a foster mother’s motherhood is norm-​oriented, desired and reflexive, but also precarious and potentially vulnerable. The examined unplanned breakdown stories show that foster mothers actively consider their roles as mothers in everyday life, including being responsible and self-​sacrificing for the sake of their children. The foster mothers practise very intense mothering, such that their children are the centre of their attention and their own needs are put aside. When the foster father leaves the family, the foster mother steps in and assumes sole responsibility for the children and their everyday life as a family. As part of this sole responsibility, foster mothers are pushed to their emotional and physical 210

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

limits –​and beyond. However, even in such situations, the foster mothers in this study aim to maintain the image of a ‘good mother’: Frequently, they do not talk about their own stress but only about the needs of the children. The foster mothers appear to consider an unplanned breakdown of their foster motherhood only as legitimate when the biological children’s wellbeing is threatened by the foster child. The failure to live up to one’s own maternal ideals with the foster child is a challenging situation for the foster mothers that requires intense questioning of their own person and ideals. The foster mothers’ interpretations for the breakdown (in both cases, that the foster son is too difficult to live with) protect their self-​esteem and uphold their self-​image of being a good mother. However, the breakdown is just an ending of officially living together and everyday responsibilities, and is not the end to the mother–​son relationship. In order to protect the relationship and maintain contact with their foster sons, the mothers even choose to lie to their own partners. While the interpretation of the child being too difficult to live with is helpful and protective for the self-​esteem of the foster mothers, it comes at the cost of a harsh judgement on the foster children that, if the child adopts it to its self-​image, may result in lifelong self-​stigmatisation (Reimer, 2017). It is worth researching more into what extent the person’s self-​image, as well as society’s image of a foster mother, is a reflection of a broader societal image of a ’good mother’ or a ‘better mother’. It would be interesting to analyse to what extent this traditional and conservative mother role is still shaping the image of mothers in Germany in general. If this is the case, then it may be assumed that, despite the German shift of paradigm from conservative family politics towards a social democratic welfare regime (Lepperhoff, 2022) that includes progressive discourses on maternal employment, professional childcare and the division of care work in the family, for example, the image of the mother in Germany is still a very conservative one. This conservative image of the self-​sacrificing stay-​at-​home mother, practising intense motherhood, requires mothers to prioritise their children above all else, to glorify motherhood and to put their other aspirations aside. This also means that this mother role is only conditionally compatible with the role of the emancipated, professionally active and self-​determined woman, resulting in mothers only being able to reconcile these areas of tension and contradictions through (merciless) self-​optimisation (Bröckling, 2002) –​which is ultimately, once again, at the expense of a woman’s own needs. Notes In all German regions, the Jugendamt is the local service for child protection that takes decisions on family support, care interventions and care planning. They are the service in charge of child protection. They choose, prepare and supervise foster carers. German

1

211

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering



2



3



4

7 8 5 6



9



10 11



12



13 14



15

foster care is in most cases long-​term care. If return to the birth family of the child is an option, it is regularly discussed with all parties involved. This should, however, not negate the fact that foster families in German-​speaking countries are increasingly diverse in regard to their self-​image, with some seeing themselves more as families and others more as professionals. ‘Dann hab ich irgendwann gesagt das kann ja nicht sein jetzt, dass der Junge ins Heim muss. Also für mich war das eigentlich sowas, was nicht geht, was man sich selber ja auch wünscht wenn einem sowas passiert, dass irgendwer da ist und das auffängt.’ ‘Der hatte das zwar auch mitentschieden, aber ich glaub er konnte ... damit nicht so umgehen mit dieser ganzen Situation und ... konnte auch ... die Kinder nicht als Gleiches sehen. So also das ... kam teilweise dann auch noch dazu und ... das war auch nachher einer der Gründe warum ich mich dann getrennt hab.’ ‘Allein war eigentlich super’ ‘Rastet aus’ ‘Zwiespalt’ ‘Und wenn ich gesagt hab so jetzt bleib doch mal n Wochenende hier oder so ne dann ... war schon Stress und dann lässt man ... einfach auch so n ... weil das ist ja dann auch n Stück weit seine Familie ... die wollte ich nicht bei mir haben also es war ja dann auch schon schwierig … er hatte bei seinem Onkel die Freiheiten schlechthin der konnte da die ganze Nacht durchzocken der hatte die tollsten Spiele der hatte hier so Egoshooter und alles wofür ich nicht stehe was ich unmöglich finde. Aber das konnte er bei seinem Onkel halt ... und dann wollte er natürlich immer dahin.’ Frau Baggins erlebt, dass die Herkunftsfamilie gegen die Pflegefamilie ’stichelt’, aus der Wahrnehmung der Pflegemutter ist für Sven diese Situation, “das sich zwei Familien nicht grün sind”, schwer zu ertragen. Aus ihrer Sicht wird verstärkt “gegen die Pflegefamilie gearbeitet”. ‘Es war einfach schlafen, essen, Wochenende weg’ ‘Und ähm ... Sven war nachher, als er dann wirklich merkte es ging dann auf’s Ende zu ... war ... der war wirklich verzweifelt in ... das hat natürlich mir noch mehr n Stich ins Herz gegeben weil ich natürlich diese Verzweiflung in ihm auch gesehen hab, weil er dann wirklich auch Angst kriegte so ey ich muss jetzt wirklich gehn ... Aber ... wie gesacht also da ging’s jetzt auch gar nicht mehr um mich ... sondern das war dann auch ne Entscheidung wo die zwei andern dann auch gesacht haben das geht jetzt so nicht mehr weiter.’ ‘Die warn erleichtert, dass es dann irgendwie jetzt auch Ende kam und auch wieder Ruhe einkehrt ne das ist ja dann auch immer so ... diesen Streit dann irgendwann ... das war ja nachher auch schon nicht mehr schön weil man sich ständig nur noch in den Köppen hatte ne und ständig nur gestritten und also das ging mir ja auch an Psyche und das ging denen und dem Sven natürlich auch so.’ ‘wie ein roter Faden durch sein Leben’ ‘Dann wurde Thomas aus der Kurzzeitpflege in zur Voll-​äh Pflege dann vermittelt genau. Und wir wollten eben immer nen zweites Kind zur Adoption, weil wir haben gesagt ein Kind soll schon jemand auch haben und unsere Option war eigentlich Adoption. Und dann wurde vom Jugendamt: “Würden Sie auch nen Kind zur Vollpflege nehmen?”. Dann ham wir gesagt: “Mhm wenn er bei uns bleibt jaa”, weil wir wollten dies hin und her nicht. Und das war dann ja auch so und deshalb ist Thomas dann. Dann wurden wir angesprochen und die ham’s auch das Jugendamt hat uns damals schon gesagt der Junge ist auffällig, weil er auch in der Kurzzeitpflegefamilie schon viel geschrien hat, viel geweint hat, sehr unruhig war. Und dann ham wir gesagt: “kay, das schaffen wir”’. ‘Also Thomas hatte, äh wir kriegten ham ihn mit einem Jahr bekommen. Und da zeigte sich schon, dass er entwicklungsverzögert ist.’

212

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering ‘Im Laufe der der Kindheit dann wurde Thomas dann immer problematischer, immer schwieriger, immer auffälliger … War wirklich heftig, weil er hat auch mit Steinen und festen Gegenständen nach mir geschmissen. Das waren dann immer Situationen, ja ich sag jetzt mal so wo er seinen Willen nicht kriegte, wo ich versucht hab Regeln aufzustellen und das hat Thomas nicht akzeptieren können.’ 17 ‘Ich musste dann ständig los den Jungen dann wieder abholen. Also das war echt heftig, wo ich mich schon wirklich auch gestritten hab mit den Lehrern, weil ich gesagt hab oder in den Einrichtungen ich sag: “Es kann doch nicht sein, dass das ich den Jungen jetzt wieder abholen muss, was soll ich denn jetzt mit ihm Zuhause machen?” 18 ‘Ich weiß gar nicht mehr was für Therapien alles, Psychoanalyse, ähh Verhaltenstherapie, Spieltherapie, als er dann noch kleiner war. Sämtliche Therapien in Formen und Möglichkeiten haben wir ausgeschöpft, aber auch die Therapeuten sind alle an ihre Grenzen gekommen, sodass die irgendwann mal gesagt haben: “Hm Frau Meyer uns fällt auch nichts mehr ein”.’ 19 ‘Das Jugendamt hat dann ähm Ferien ähm Urlaube für ihn organisiert. Genau. Zwei Tage, dann kam n Anruf: “Könnten Sie dieses Kind abholen?” zum Beispiel auch.’ 20 ‘Das Schlimmste war eben, dass er mitm Messer auf mich losgegangen ist, mit acht oder neun Jahren.’ 21 ‘Es war sehr schwer für mich, weil ich hab alle meine Freunde gefragt: “Ach ich will ihn nicht abgeben”.’ 22 ‘Ich war so von mir enttäuscht, dass ich’s nicht geschafft hab, dass ich so ich denk: “Oh jetzt merkt schon das Jugendamt, dass du es nicht schaffst”. So, so. Ich hab immer, ich hab mir dann auch selbst die Schuld gegeben.’ 23 ‘Und abends dann auch nur geheult, also es es war bis ich dann wirklich gemerkt hab, entweder du gehst drauf, also ich war wirklich ganz an meiner Grenze.’ 24 ‘Und als ich dann merkte, dass ich das ich zur Gewalt neige, da hab ich gedacht: “Das geht nicht mehr, das geht nicht mehr”.’ 25 ‘Manchmal hat er jeden Tag angerufen.’ 26 ‘Ich musste mich distanzieren, weil ich hab am Anfang den ganzen Ärger in den Einrichtungen ja noch mitgekriegt.’ 27 ‘Also er ist vom vom Gefühl her weiterhin noch so nen bisschen, soweit man das sagen kann, mein Sohn’ 28 ‘Boah was ist wenn der jetzt aufsteht und irgendnen Mist macht … ist noch nichts passiert jetzt wieder, aber dass das das ist so in mir das, ja. Das waren so Grenzerfahrungen für mich, boah der hat mich echt traumatisiert.’ 29 ‘noch ein bisschen, soweit man das sagen kann’ 30 ‘als ob’ 16

References Alberth, L. and Bühler-​Niederberger, D. (2017) ‘The overburdened mother: how social workers view the private sphere’, in T. Betz, M.S. Honig and I. Ostner (eds) Parents in the Spotlight: Parenting Practices and Support from a Comparative Perspective, Opladen, Germany: Verlag Barbara Budrich, pp 153–​170. Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4): 1192–​1207.

213

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Blandow J. (2004) Pflegekinder und ihre Familien. Geschichte, Situation und Perspektiven des Pflegekinderwesens [Foster Children and their Families. History, Situation and Perspectives of Foster Care], Weinheim, Germany Beltz Juventa. Blythe, S.L., Halcomb, E.J., Lesley, W. and Jackson, D. (2013) ‘Perceptions of long-​term female foster-​carers: I’m not a carer, I’m a mother’, British Journal of Social Work, 43: 1056–​1072. Bröckling, U. (2002) ‘Das unternehmerische Selbst und seine Geschlechter’ [The entrepreneurial self and its genders], Leviathan, 30(2): 175–​194. De Wilde, L., Devlieghere, J., Vandenbroeck, M. and Vanobbergen, B. (2019) ‘Foster parents between voluntarism and professionalisation: unpacking the backpack’, Children and Youth Services Review, 98: 290–​296. Gabriel, T. and Stohler, R. (eds) (2020) Abbrüche von Pflegeverhältnissen im Kindes-​ und Jugendalter. Perspektiven und Herausforderungen für die Soziale Arbeit [Termination of Care in Childhood and Adolescence. Perspectives and Challenges for Social Work], Weinheim, Germany: Beltz Juventa. Gassmann, Y. (2018) Verletzbar durch Elternschaft. Balanceleistungen von Eltern mit erworbener Elternschaft –​ Ein Beitrag zur Sozialpädagogischen Familienforschung [Vulnerable by Parenthood], Weinheim: Beltz Juventa. Gehres, W. and Hildenbrand, B. (2008) Identitätsbildung und Lebensverläufe bei Pflegekindern [Identity Building and Biography of Foster Children], Wiesbaden, Germany: VS Verlag für Sozialwissenschaften. Hünersdorf, B. and Studer, T. (2010) ‘Pflegefamilien zwischen öffentlicher und privater Erziehung. Eine Form professioneller Liebe?’ [Foster families between public and private education. A form of professional love?], in E. Drieschner and D. Gaus (eds) Liebe in Zeiten pädagogischer Professionalisierung, Wiesbaden, Germany: VS Verlag für Sozialwissenschaften, pp 209–​235. Internationale Gesellschaft für erzieherische Hilfen/​Kompetenzzentrum Pflegekinder (2010) Neues Manifest zur Pflegekinderhilfe [New Manifesto on Foster Care], Frankfurt, Germany: Internationale Gesellschaft für erzieherische Hilfen/​Kompetenzzentrum Pflegekinder. Jespersen, A. (2011) Belastungen und Ressourcen von Pflegeeltern. Analyse eines Pflegeeltern-​Onlineforums [Liabilities and Resources of Foster Parents. Analysis of an Online Forum], Siegen, Germany: ZPE Schriftenreihe. Join-​Lambert, H. and Reimer, D. (2022) ‘The importance of emotions in the lives of children and young people in foster care in England, France and Germany’, Children & Society, 36(2): 266–​281. Kindler, H., Helming, E., Meysen, Th. and Jurzyk, K. (eds) (2011) Handbuch Pflegekinderhilfe [Handbook of Foster Care], München, Germany: Deutsches Jugendinstitut.

214

Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering

Kirton, D. (2022) ‘Exploring the anti-​professional turn in English foster care: implications for policy, practice and research’, British Journal of Social Work, 52(7): 4021–​4039. Lenz, K. (1986) Alltagswelten von Jugendlichen. Eine empirische Studie über jugendlicheHandlungstypen [Everyday Lives of Youth. An Empirical Study on Juvenile Types of Acting], Frankfurt am Main: Campus Verlag. Lepperhoff, J. (2022) ‘Familienpolitik’ [Family politics], in L.Y. Haller and A. Schlender (eds) Handbuch feministische Perspektiven auf Elternschaft [Handbook of Feministic Perspectives on Parenthood], Opladen, Germany: Verlag Barbara Budrich, pp 527–​538. Organisation for Economic Co-​operation and Development (2017) The Pursuit of Gender Equality: An Uphill Battle, Paris: OECD Publishing. Reimer, D. (2017) Normalitätskonstruktionen in Biografien ehemaliger Pflegekinder [Normality Constructions in Biographies of Former Foster Children], Weinheim, Germany: Beltz Juventa. Reimer, D. (2021) ‘Thematic discussion paper: Better quality in foster care in Europe –​how can it be achieved’, European Commission Expert Papers, [online] 20–​21 May, available from https://​ec.eur​opa.eu/​soc​ial/​Blob​Serv​ let?docId=​24118&lan​gId=​en [Accessed 9 January 2023]. Reimer, D. and Petri, C. (2017) Wie gut entwickeln sich Pflegekinder? Eine Longitudinalstudie [How Well do Foster Children Develop? A Longitudinal Study], Siegen, Germany: ZPE Schriftenreihe. Sauer, S. (2008) Die Zusammenarbeit von Pflegefamilie und Herkunftsfamilie in dauerhaften Pflegeverhältnissen. Widersprüche und Bewältigungsstrategien doppelter Elternschaft [The Cooperation of Foster Family and Birth Family. Contradictions and Coping Strategies in Double Parenthood], Opladen, Germany: Verlag Barbara Budrich. Schofield, G., Beek, M., Ward, E. and Biggart, L. (2013) ‘Professional foster carer and committed parent: role conflict and role enrichment at the interface between work and family in long-​term foster care’, Child & Family Social Work, 18(1): 46–​56. Schofield, G., Beek, M., Sargent, K. and Thoburn, J. (2000) Growing Up in Foster Care, London: British Association for Adoption and Fostering. Schütze, F. (1983) ‘Biographieforschung und narratives interview’ [Biography Research and Narrative Interviews], Neue Praxis, 13(3): 283–​293. Sinclair, I., Gibbs, I. and Wilson, K. (2004) Foster Carers: Why They Stay and Why They Leave, London; Jessica Kingsley Publications. Vinken, B. (2001) Die deutsche Mutter. Der lange Schatten eines Mythos [The German Mother. Long Shadows of a Myth], München, Germany: Piper.

215

10

Non-​mothers: identities, ambiguity, biography making and life choices Joan Cronin Introduction In this chapter, I chart my own life journey and consider the lived experiences of 12 Irish women who deliberately or inadvertently decided not to have children. That decision is influenced by a complex range of inter-​related factors relative to their childhoods and upbringing, their relationships, their careers and their personal ambitions. The research has an Irish focus, given the author’s familiarity with the Irish landscape. However, the chapter also includes a review of the international literature, which provides useful and valuable insights into the Irish context given that it focuses on western democracies, which have followed broadly similar trajectories in terms of the expansion of women’s rights and women’s choices around control of their bodies and their reproductive rights, access to gender-​equitable education and opportunities for sustainable employment. This chapter also reflects some of the significant findings from my recently published PhD research, which is referenced throughout (Cronin, 2021).

Self-​reflection My jour ney to non-​m otherhood has been straightforward and unencumbered, given that I never deliberated about whether or not I would have children; I always knew that it was not something I wanted to pursue. From as far back as I can remember, children never featured in the life I imagined for myself, and non-​motherhood to me is as natural as motherhood is to other women. I have never experienced the maternal instinct that some women speak of, nor have I encountered any regrets. I am fulfilled in every aspect of life, through my relationship with my partner (who has four beautiful children, who range in age from 28 to 16), the wonderful relationships I share with my parents, extended family and friends, and through my work as an academic. I cherish the fact that my childfree identity has been fully embraced by the significant people in my life. 216

Identities of non-mothers

Methodology The methodology and design for this research was informed by a feminist perspective, which focuses on the experiences of women, where the intention is to ‘make women visible, raise their consciousness and empower them’ (Holloway and Wheeler, 2013, p 258). The paper draws on qualitative semi-​structured interviews with 12 Irish women who provide reflective biographical accounts of their reasons for choosing to be childless, including the motives that influenced their decision and the challenges they encounter as consequence of pursuing a childfree identity. Insider status My insider status was particularly useful when recruiting women to partake in the research, and six of the women were identified through my own personal network of contacts. The remaining six women were recruited through digital and other media channels. From the beginning, I let each of the women know that I am childless by choice, and this helped me establish a positive and trusting relationship with them (Ayers, 2010). If the women asked me personal questions I answered them truthfully; however, I was careful not to provide too much personal information as I did not want to influence them in any way (Dwyer and Buckle, 2009). Instead, I focused on listening to their stories and interpreting their narrative accounts and subjective experiences (Atkinson, 1998). I subscribed to a constructivist1 paradigm, which facilitates the hearing of women’s voices, in telling their stories in their own words, as lived and experienced by them, and in the context of their subjective realities (Ayers, 2010). This enabled me to explore with each of the women the motivating factors for their childfree positioning, and the processes through which they articulated their reflections about this. The data was analysed using thematic2 and conceptual3 analysis (Braum and Clarke, 2006; Larkin et al, 2006; Braum and Clarke, 2013). Analysis of the interview findings While each of the women had different experiences and understandings of their childfree positioning, common themes emerged from the women’s narrative accounts. These included family backgrounds and childhood experiences, caring responsibilities, family abuse, poverty and neglect. Some of the women spoke about what they perceived as the ongoing demands of motherhood, a lack of desire to have children, a focus on establishing a successful career, and a desire to pursue and fulfil other life ambitions. Some of the women talked about their experiences of personal and social 217

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

stigma, the impact it had on them and ways in which they managed it and controlled for it (Cronin, 2021). The women’s responses to the (perceived) stigma and negative judgement were contingent on a number of factors, relative to their sense of self and their subjective experiences. All names used in this chapter are pseudonyms.

Factors and experiences that influenced the women away from motherhood Childhood/​caring responsibilities and the lack of a relationship with a parent Some interviewees explained that they had experienced the responsibilities of parenthood related to childcare and household tasks while still only children themselves, and did not want to replicate those responsibilities and experiences. These women situated their childlessness within the storyline of family and childhood abuse, including unintentional or neglectful parenting, unsupportive family structures, and narcissistic or selfish parents. They expressed strong opinions about how disappointed, saddened and angry they were with their parents and the upbringings they had, and they did not know whether they would be capable of providing for and nurturing a child, nor did they want to inflict those types of experience on any potential children (Cronin, 2021). Ellen, aged 39, preferred to remain childless because of the emotionally abusive relationship that she had with her alcoholic father. She explained “I would definitely say my family had an influence [on her decision to remain childless]. My siblings would have been affected by physical abuse, I didn’t, but I was the youngest and I was the pet so that’s why I got away. I suppose I was suffering more from mental abuse.” (Cronin, 2021, p 71). Ellen draws on her early experiences of housework and household responsibilities, an abusive and alcoholic father, and a mother who worked endlessly to support the family financially, and considers these as significant factors in her childbearing decision making. She explained that she “did a lot of housework when I was young and I think it turned me off … I just didn’t want that responsibility” (Cronin, 2021, p 72). As an adult, Ellen very consciously decided not to take on the motherhood role or the associated responsibilities. Liz had similar negative childhood experiences to Ellen, and these remained with her throughout the life course. She explained that she had a turbulent relationship with her mother who was often abusive toward her, and this had a negative impact on their relationship. Liz explained that ‘My mother had three children, [who] are all younger than me and I ended up rearing them … I think my mother should never have had children in the first place. From when I was very little my mother used

218

Identities of non-mothers

to want to kill me, she’d slap me or give out to me and she’s still doing it today and I’m forty-​eight.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 73) As Safer (1996, p 93) points out ‘every woman gets her notion of what a mother is from her experience with her own’. As an adult child, Liz is reflecting on a traumatic past with an abusive mother and is setting firm boundaries about how she wants to live and how she wants her life to be. Susan’s reasons for choosing not to have children related to the absence of her father, who left the family while she was still only a little girl; she had no further contact with him. She expressed strong views about the emotional impact that her father’s leaving had on herself and her mother. She experienced a deep sense of loss and abandonment, and explained that she felt utterly powerlessness when he left. As an adult, Susan is making reflexive choices and is consciously choosing a very different life path with a supportive husband, with whom she enjoys a “wonderful relationship”. This reflects the practice of biography making and identity making that Giddens (1991) refers to. These women are reflexively drawing on past experiences and making conscious and informed choices. Women’s experiences of poverty and financial issues Past experiences of poverty and financial struggles have left a lasting impact on some of the women, and were the motivating factor for their decision to remain childfree. Josephine, who is aged 56, says her decision to be childless is a reflection of managing the financial risks that she associates with motherhood and a past wherein she suffered financial hardship. Josephine is the oldest of the participants, and grew up in rural Ireland in the 1960s, at a time when poverty was widespread and the economy was ‘in a state of near economic collapse’ (Horgan, 2001, np). At that time, large families were the norm in Ireland, and Josephine, who has seven siblings, recalled cramped living conditions. While Josephine’s father worked to support the family financially, her mother’s role was firmly confined to the family home: ‘Mum never worked outside the home, because at home, you know, up early in the morning, school, housework, outdoor work. Dad worked long hours, home very late in the evening trying to keep the financial show on the road. So, I do feel that I would definitely say that with regard to my own situation … the decision not to have children would definitely have been influenced from the point of view of how many children I would have, if I had any children at all.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 80)

219

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Josephine’s references to experiences of childhood poverty, her awareness of the costs associated with raising children in contemporary society, and her desire for financial stability all featured in her decision to be childfree. This motive commonly emerged as a finding in the research literature, and is situated within the context of conscious and responsible decision making, ‘disembedding’ from past experiences and managing risk biographies (Beck and Beck-​Gernsheim, 2002. Considerations and understandings of maternal instinct In the literature, there has been considerable debate about the concept of maternal instinct (Ireland, 1993; Walker, 2011). Some claim that it is innate, instinctive and distinctly female. However, other (Oakley, 1974; Inglis, 1998; Carroll, 2012) argue that is a culturally induced social construct, designed to perpetuate gender roles and sustain patriarchal family structures. Josephine was in her twenties when she realised that she was in no way maternal, and she never developed any sense of desire or longing to have children. She commented “[It] just wasn’t for me. Was never maternal, never had any maternal instincts.” (Cronin, 2021, p 94). Rachel, on the other hand, never made an actual decision not to have children, instead her journey toward being voluntarily childless may be loosely termed as a progressive process (Ayers, 2010): “[I’ve] always been waiting for the moment to hit me that I would develop that maternal instinct, and it has never come.” (Cronin, 2021, p 94). She elaborated on this “I suppose as I’m heading toward forty years of age, I feel that I really would have to make this decision in the next year maximum.” (Cronin, 2021, pp 95–​96). In this, Rachel is searching internally for an explanation about why she does not want children, and draws on the biological argument that women are instinctively drawn to wanting and having children (Gillespie, 2000; Park, 2002; Scott, 2009). Fear of pregnancy: managing stigma and risk Only one of the women, Niamh, expressed negative feelings and strong views about getting pregnant; however, this is an issue that is worth consideration because it is a motivating factor that features in the literature (see Cronin, 2021), and is a deciding factor for some women. In Niamh’s household, pregnancy, especially outside marriage, was constructed as potentially dangerous and negative, and perceived as having detrimental familial and social consequences. Niamh’s mother instilled an intense lifelong fear of pregnancy in her daughter: “My mother was always the one to talk about pregnancy” (Cronin, 2021, p 98). She described her mother’s concerns as generational and deeply influenced by the strict teachings and religious doctrine imposed on the people of Ireland by the Catholic church, that 220

Identities of non-mothers

sex outside of marriage was immoral and deviant (Horgan, 2001). In traditional Ireland, the stigma and social deviance associated with ‘fallen women’ (women who became pregnant outside marriage) was widespread, and many of these young vulnerable women were shunned by their families and forcibly incarcerated in one of the many mother and baby homes spread through Ireland. Within the confines of these harsh and barbaric institutions, the women were expected to ‘suffer’ and repent for their sins (Finnegan, 2004). Niamh explained that her mother conceived her brother while still single, but quickly married Niamh’s father so as to avoid the ‘shame’ of lone parenthood: “I think it was such an issue for her, it’s sad you know, but there was a shame in it and I think with my mum like she was always just afraid you know, it would happen to me, you know, especially when I was the oldest.”  (Cronin, 2021, p 99). Her mother’s experience and how she imparted this to her children filled them with fear and trepidation. As Niamh explained “getting pregnant was almost a fear … if you got pregnant, it was the end of your life … and I know that has been carried through.” (Cronin, 2021, p 99). Pregnancy is something that Niamh has always sought to avoid, even while she was in committed relationships. She has always been mindful of getting pregnant and not being married, and this has informed her views about avoiding motherhood.

The project of the self: risk and wellbeing The management of risk biographies and the making of self-​reflexive life choices emerged through the work of Beck (1992) and Giddens (1991), and is used in this research to account for the conscious fertility choices that women make. Moira, who is 40 years old, explained that serious family mental health issues were a key factor in her decision to be childless. She recounted the sudden and untimely death of her sister when she [Moira] was 15, and the negative impact that it had on Moira and her family. She talked about her own struggles with anxiety and depression and the fact that other family members suffered similar experiences: “In my grandad’s generation, there was somebody with mental illness, my aunt suffered from depression, my sister was unwell, I’ve also got a bit of social anxiety as well, I’m always so conscious of mental illness being hereditary.” (Cronin, 2021, p 101). Moira’s priority is to protect and safeguard her own mental health and wellbeing. She is also apprehensive that potential children could inherit similar mental health issues, and this is something she is consciously deliberating about and so far choosing to avoid. Jane is also motivated by a need to protect her health and wellbeing, and has suffered with her mental health since she was a young girl. She explained that she developed asthma at an early age, subsequently acquired a destructive eating disorder, and was more recently was diagnosed with 221

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

obsessive compulsive disorder. She explained that her quality of life suffered “for maybe ten or so years” as a result of her health challenges, and she was concerned that the perceived demands of pregnancy and motherhood could potentially threaten her health and wellbeing, and this is not something that she wants to experience again (Cronin, 2021, p 102). It is evident that the women’s very deliberate assessment of their capacity for caring for a child while also meeting their own health needs heavily influenced their decision to avoid motherhood. This ties in closely with the project of the self that Beck and Beck-​Gernsheim (2002) refer to. As women have more choices available to them than in the past, it follows that motherhood is no longer their only viable life choice. Nowadays, children are considered in the context of a range of competing factors, growing uncertainties and personal preferences and priorities.

Conscious reflexive biography making Negotiating childfree biographies Writings around biography making suggest that, in contemporary society, people are consciously reflecting on and negotiating their biographies with the concept of the self and self-​satisfaction in mind (Giddens, 1991, 1994). This may be seen in the expanding range of choices available to people. Part of this may be attributed to structural changes that have taken place in society, including the process of ‘disembedding’ from former restrictive and oppressive religious practices, more equal access to education, expanding opportunities for employment, and changes to the cycle of family life (Beck and Beck-​Gernsheim, 2002). While family still plays an important role in women’s lives, motherhood is no longer the only option available to them; they are, as Gillespie (1999) pointed out, being pushed away from what some conceive as the restrictive processes of family life, in favour of more individualised and self-​selected lifestyles. This is evidenced in the accounts provided by the women. Bridget gave the following account of her perceptions of motherhood and the associated responsibilities: ‘I just see them [children] as a waste of time … all I think about when I think of children is, I think of not getting to do what I want, having like to do like the school run, and then being stuck at home having to clean up, and clean up breakfast, and clean the house, and do that, and like I want my own freedom to do what I want.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 121) This is a very conscious rejection of the motherhood imperative; Bridget is making a clear choice between committing to what she perceives as the 222

Identities of non-mothers

responsibilities and demands associated with motherhood, and living the type of life she wants for herself. Keelin, who is in her mid-​forties, explained that her parents were liberal and open-​minded and encouraged their children to embrace their individuality and make choices that suited their own desires and ambitions. This was unusual, particularly in the Irish context, given the nations strict adherence to Catholicism and the oppressive practices of conformity imposed by the Catholic church (Inglis, 1998). However, Keelin grew up with the knowledge that she had a right to make her own choices, and her parents fully supported her in this. Negotiating childfree relationships Gillespie (1999) notes that some women experience a pull towards childlessness as well as a push away from motherhood. These women find no appeal in mothering, and make a very clear and definite decision not to have children. This was reflected in some of the accounts provided by the women. For instance, Liz explained that she always wanted to meet someone for companionship, partnership and long-​term commitment. Meeting her partner in recent years, Liz was relieved to discover that he already had children from a previous marriage, and was not interested in having more. While Liz is happy in her relationship, she holds some resentment toward her partner’s now-​adult sons and is not comfortable in their company. Liz and her partner have different views on parenting styles, and this leads to conflict in their relationship. They disagree on the extent to which her partner should be involved in his sons’ lives, given that they are adult men. This shows the complexities and nuances involved in trying to negotiate adult relationships wherein one partner has children or wants to have children and the other does not. Bridget regularly reflects on her decision not to have children, and, while it is a decision that she herself is happy with, the comments of others, particularly her family, cause her to reconsider her decision. She explained that “everybody has told me you will change your mind, everybody, and like even my partner has kind of only started to accept how I feel in the past year maybe.” (Cronin, 2021, p 118). Bridget’s partner has also raised his concerns about Bridget’s lack of desire for children, but this is a pathway that they are negotiating together as is evident in the following account: ‘He [her partner] has a son of his own so it’s not so bad, you know … I don’t know, I mean like, it’s just kind of, I feel like there is not an agreement between us but, lately I’ve started to say “Would you ever get married?” and he’s like “No, no I wouldn’t get married” but I always say “No, I don’t want children”, so, there’s kind of an agreement. That sounds kind of wrong, but it feels fine.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 119) 223

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Bridget and her partner accept that, if they stay together, they will neither marry nor have children. This is a sacrifice that they are both willing to make to safeguard their relationship and satisfy their personal preferences.

Stigma and negative judgement surrounding women’s voluntary childlessness Stigma is defined as a negative attribute or distinguishing characteristic ascribed to a person, with discrediting or discriminatory consequences (Goffman, 1963). In this study, it is used to highlight the social pressures that women experience to procreate, the negative stereotypes associated with women’s voluntary childlessness, and women’s perceptions of and responses to the social deviance associated with their decision to forego motherhood (Ingalls, 2016). In this study, some of the women felt unsupported in their decision, they experienced family pressure to re-​consider their decision, or were encouraged to believe that their decision was temporary and they would eventually change their minds. The women’s interpretations and experiences of stigma varied. Some felt they were being morally discredited and negatively judged, which caused them to re-​consider their childfree positioning. Others challenged the negative commentary, and some accepted it and tried to remain positive, despite the intrusion. Managing family stigma Rachel gave the following account of the pressures she experiences from her mother to procreate: ‘My mother would have a direct, I suppose, influence on my life, is always questioning it and would have her thoughts on it [having children] and tries to more or less, I suppose, influence me … She can’t understand my thoughts. Obviously, she thought differently when she had four of us. My mother is the only person that has said that you will regret it … she is giving me a negative response, she is being completely honest with me. She [her mother] has pressurised me in a loving way.’ (Cronin, 2021, pp 135–​136) Ellen’s decision to forego motherhood and her reluctance to marry have evoked negative family responses, and Ellen’s older aunts have been vocal about their aversion to her decision. Fortunately, Ellen is not concerned by their reaction. She explained: ‘I would have aunts that would be very old fashioned, and they think women are born for one thing in life, and that is, get married, and 224

Identities of non-mothers

have children. Like, that is your success, that’s how your success is measured. You could be the prime minister of England, you could be the president of Ireland, they’d never see that … The first thing like when you meet them anywhere is “Oh any man?” Do you know like, as if you were defined by that? They just presume, they presume when you’re single that … she’d probably like to meet someone, she’d probably love to have a child.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 136) This illustrates the extent to which women are expected to conform to culturally acceptable behavioural norms, in particular fertility norms. As Ellen mentions, regardless of what she achieves in life, it will never make up for the fact that she is both single and childless and intends to remain that way. When she talked this through with her aunts she said: “It was like I was after saying I was going to cut one of my legs off.” (Cronin, 2021, p 137). This highlights the indelible power of pro-​natalism and moral identity forms. Bridget explained that her childfree identity is consistently being questioned, and people do not believe her when she tells them that she is childless by choice. Part of this may be attributed to her age; at 25, Bridget is the youngest of the research participants, and is always being told that she will change her mind, and this causes her to question her decision: ‘I only question it a lot of the time when other people ask, especially my father. Lately, we were driving and he said, you know, I kind of said to him “Oh, I never want kids”, and he was really shocked, like he said “you know, you were the best thing that ever happened to me”, and I know he was saying its fundamental to nature, you know, you know, he said “ ‘you can run away from your instincts for so long, but, you know, you, you should have children, that’s how everybody is”, and I said “Yeah, but, if I just don’t get pregnant thenI’m never going to feel that” and he said “Ooh, well, you’ll be missing out on a great opportunity”, and it did make me kind of wonder, just because he’s my father, but he’s not me, and the more I think about it, still like, I’m still holding fast.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 137) This is a clear, conscious and reflective assertion of her identity. Bridget is owning her decision, and is wilfully disembedding from an expected and encouraged identity. Although she acknowledges her father’s concern, she is trying not to let it influence her decision. She is also firm in the view that women “shouldn’t have to make excuses … like you should be able to just say I don’t want them.” (Cronin, 2021, p 138). This suggests that resistance to motherhood as an expected identity is not straightforward and requires some resolve: 225

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

‘I don’t like people telling me what to do, and I go against the grain if it’s functional for me and I’ve done that a lot throughout my life, so, I don’t, you know, I don’t see why I should stop … I do think that in some ways that I’m inherently selfish, but I think that I’m selfish like, I think I’m selfish in a way as long as it doesn’t hurt other people, I like to think so anyway, but I also think that you know, a lot of time, like, I do kind of do what I want to do … and you need to make yourself happy.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 138) Bridget constructs herself as someone who challenges gender stereotypes and social norms, and is confident in her ability to make self-​gratifying choices: ‘I think it’s [choosing to be childless] a very personal decision and it depends on what, you want I mean, some people would say, well you’re closing your opportunities for other life experiences, and that is true, like you know, I’m never going to have a kid, so I’m not going to know what it’s like to have that, but, you know, there are other things that I want, you know.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 138) Having the choice to decide how she wants to live her life and how she wants her life to be is extremely important to Bridget. This resonates with Beck’s (1992) theory of individualisation and the concept of making an active choice not to have children, focusing instead on the aspects of life that interest her. Managing social stigma Goffman (1963) conceptualises stigma management as a public rather than a private issue, and that women who are childless by choice are more likely to be stigmatised or negatively judged by social acquaintances rather than by intimate family members. In the same way, Park (2002, p 31) notes that a woman’s choice to defy motherhood causes them to be ascribed a ‘socially ambiguous status’. They become subjects of public scrutiny and experience social pressure. The ways in which women react to the negative responses of others is contingent on a number of complex and inter-​related factors (Cronin, 2021). Bridget encounters social stigma, and although she does not distinctly say who it is perpetrated by, her comments suggest that it is something she is regularly exposed to. She explained that “society that makes you feel that way [stigmatised] you know, because, you think because that’s what you’re taught isn’t it, that the woman, you know, doesn’t have any children, she’s getting older, how terrible that her time is running out.” (Cronin, 2021, p 144). However, Bridget has crafted a positive childfree identity and is not concerned by how others judge or perceive her. 226

Identities of non-mothers

While Moira is aware that some family members find her decision difficult to comprehend, she explained that she still feels deeply valued and respected by them. Publicly though, Bridget’s decision not to have children has been unsympathetically received, and she explained that was very hurt by the comments and assumptions her friend made about her: ‘I’ve been offended by a friend of mine, she said to me “Oh, you can’t not have children”, and I just kind of went “Well, you’re making so many assumptions on so many levels, like, first off, I mightn’t be able to have children, and you’re making the assumption that I have a life partner, and I would never be able to have children if I didn’t have a life partner either”, and I just, and I just felt it was really kind of, you know, you have to have children, you can’t not or you just can’t let this opportunity pass you by, and I just thought that’s not nice, made me feel [bad], but, but, my parents are very supportive.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 145) This shows just how fragile one’s identity can be and how easily it can be challenged and disrupted. Moira is choosing not to be publicly identified as childless by choice, it is not something she wishes to openly discuss or admit to. Moira has strong emotions about being different, and is concealing information about herself in order to appear normal and ‘fit in’. In this, there is an element of internalised stigma –​Moira is questioning her identity, she is not fully accepting of it, and thus does not want to acknowledge it or discuss it with others (Goffman, 1963). Linda’s childbearing decision making has also been a topic of discussion, particularly among work colleagues, and she is not believed when she tells them that her to decision to be childless is intentional: ‘There was a guy that I worked with once, who said that it was very selfish not to have children and I said “Well it certainly wasn’t a selfish choice for me not to, it would have been selfish of me to have children and not to be a good mother to them that would have been selfish”. So, I think like, if you decide to have children, that’s a choice that you make for yourself, so it’s no more selfish not to have children, do you know. So that was the only time that somebody got negative to me and I just made my point and just left it at that.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 146) Linda is comfortable with her choice, and this aids her confidence to challenge those who confront her. She claimed that it “never upsets me, never bothers me, none of it, you know, never gets to me in any way, so, I mean people can say what they want but that’s an opinion, is it any more or less valid than anybody else’s opinion, I don’t care.” (Cronin, 2021, p 146). 227

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Being childless is an identity that Susan also publicly embraces: “I say it … I’m actually childless by choice … I really don’t mind saying it but you get that sort of shocked look. Some people they just don’t get it, but I think most people think you’re lying” (Cronin, 2021, p 147). Although Susan is happy to be identified as childless by choice, she is not supported in her decision, and it is not something that Susan’s mother-​in-​law is happy with. Susan recalled a past incident between herself, her mother-​in-​law and a local acquaintance: ‘People know you’re just married, and questions are constantly being asked, like “Oh, so when’s the baby due?” Or “Are you having a family?” The first question, and we were only a few months married, and I met my mother-​in-​law in town, and she bumped into someone else, and the lady asked “Well any children?” and I was just about to say no, like, you know, say “I’m not having any, we’re not having any”, and my husband’s mum got so, she knew what I was going to say, and she was so kind of embarrassed, she just said “Oh, no, they just, they just haven’t discussed it yet” or “They’re not ready yet”, or something, but she made some hilarious excuse like, and I just thought, I’ll let her away with it because, you know, I didn’t want to publicly humiliate her.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 147–​148) The fact that Susan finds it humorous suggests that she is very secure in her identity, but she is also respectful and considerate about preserving her mother-​in-​law’s social identity and her community status. It is evident that Susan’s mother-​in-​law subscribes to the dominant pro-​natalist ideology of ‘conceiving the old regime’ (Tuttle, 2010, np), that frames motherhood as the pinnacle of femininity and a woman’s feminine identity. This draws attention to the micro-​aggressions or the lack of social acceptance that are sometimes exerted toward those who make alternative life choices, particularly those that conflict with social norms and prescribed social standards. Similarly, Jane is not comfortable publicly acknowledging or speaking about her decision to be childless, and found herself in a compromising situation when confronted by a medical professional while receiving her contraceptive injection. The nurse said “Well you know you would really want to get on because fertility declines after 33” (Cronin, 2021, p 149). Jane chose not to respond to the nurse’s comments because it was not a discussion she was willing to engage in publicly. Although Jane is sometimes hurt and disappointed by the comments she receives, she strives to stay positive. She explained that she lets people assume or think what they want about her: ‘It’s easier than entering into a discussion and people never really believe you unless they are somebody who is in the same frame of mind as 228

Identities of non-mothers

you. They think “Oh, you will eventually” or “You will when it’ll be too late” or “You just don’t know it yet” or “The clock will start ticking”. They try to change your mind or they try and persuade you, or like question you, make the assumption that eventually I’ll want children.’ (Cronin, 2021, p 151) Jane has the full support of her partner, who shares her views on parenthood, and also draws on her professional background in sustaining a positive identity and a positive sense of self. In a previous profession, Jane worked directly with children and families who had experienced abuse and neglect and witnessed the life-​long repercussions it had on them. This added further justification to her decision to be childless.

Conclusion The research examines the reasons and motives for women’s voluntary childlessness, as well as the justifications and defence strategies that women are commonly compelled to use in an effort to defend or justify their decision. It also considers the associated stigma and negative judgement that continuously surrounds that decision. Information control and privacy are important to these women, and they value having the power to decide what aspects of their lives they share with others (Goffman, 1963). From the research findings, it is evident that the motherhood mandate is considered central to a woman’s identity, and it remains morally, socially, politically, culturally and religious prescribed and endorsed. The choice to forego that mandate has enduring personal and social consequences, and women are compelled to find ways of dealing with it themselves and communicating this information to others. While some of the women experienced more direct stigma and negative commentary, others interpreted the perceived negative reactions of others, particularly of family, as expressions of concern. The women who exhibited a positive self-​identity described how they were able to constructively acknowledge and defend their childfree positioning, and were almost impervious to the opinions expressed by others. This ties in with the concept of ‘contingency management’, which suggests that women’s responses are contingent on themselves and their internalisation of their position as women who are childfree by choice, and this influences how they respond or react to commentary from others (Cronin, 2021). In considering these findings, it must be acknowledged that the sample from which they are drawn is relatively small, and, while they give some useful insights into the concept of women’s voluntary childlessness, they should not be interpreted as definitive, nor are they transferable or generalisable. Instead, they are intended to shed light on a highly emotive and contested 229

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

identity, one that is consistently being challenged by dominant patriarchal forces that are intended to oppress and exploit women and control their right to fertility and reproductive freedom.

My reflective journey On reflection, I now know more about myself and the factors that shaped my childfree positioning, and my research journey has altered some of my initial views on why I personally came to identify as childless by choice. While I have always thought that I lacked maternal desire, and still do, I now understand to a greater degree that my decision making has been influenced, in part, by my family circumstances. From my analysis of the literature, the theories, and, more particularly, the findings from this research, I have come to better understand the particular processes that influenced me in my decision making. I have started to realise that my decision emanates from a broad combination of my early childhood experiences, observing the sacrifices my parents made, and a desire to live my life on my terms, without being encumbered by caring responsibilities. It is imperative that we support women in whatever fertility choices they make. This is a basic human right and is central to the concept of respect for the life and dignity of each and every human being (Irish Human Rights and Equality Commission, nd). Notes Constructivist paradigm: There is no single truth and there is no one external reality; instead, there are multiple subjectivities, truths and realities, which has consistently been created and revised through the actions and social interactions of individuals (David and Sutton, 2004; Bryman, 2008). 2 Thematic analysis: This is a flexible method of analysis, comprising identifying, analysing and cataloguing patterns of themes within qualitative data (Braun and Clarke, 2006; 2013). 3 Interpretative phenomenological analysis: This method provides insights into how individuals make sense of and understand any given social phenomenon. 1

References Atkinson, R. (1998) The Life Story Interview: Qualitative Research Methods, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Ayers, G. (2010) ‘I could be a father, but I could never be a mother: values and meanings of women’s voluntary childlessness in southern Alberta’, unpublished PhD thesis, University of Lethbridge, AB, Canada. Beck, U. (1992) Risk Society: Towards A New Modernity, London: Sage Publications. Beck, U. and Beck-​Gernsheim, E. (2002) Individualisation: Institutionalised Individualism and its Social and Political Consequences, London: Sage Publications.

230

Identities of non-mothers

Braun, V. and Clarke, V. (2006) ‘Using thematic analysis in psychology’, Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3(2): 77–​101. Braun, V. and Clarke, V. (2013) ‘Teaching thematic analysis: overcoming challenges and developing strategies for effective learning’, The Psychologist, 26(2): 120–123. Bryman, A. (2008) Social Research Methods (3rd edn), Oxford: Oxford University Press. Carroll, L. (2012) The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds from Outmoded Thinking about Parenthood and Reproduction Will Create A Better World, London: Live True Books. Cronin, J. (2019) Chosen Childlessness in Ireland: A Qualitative Study of Women’s Decision Making, Biography Making and Identity Management, Cork: University College Cork. Cronin, J. (2021) Voluntary Childlessness in Contemporary Ireland, Oxford: Peter Lang. David, M. and Sutton, C.D. (2004) Social Research: The Basics, London: Sage Publications. Dwyer, S.C. and Buckle, J.L. (2009) ‘The space between: on being an insider–​outsider in qualitative research’, International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 8(1): 54–​63: doi.org/​10.1177/​160940690900800105. Finnegan, F. (2004) Do Penance or Perish: Magdalen Asylums in Ireland, Oxford: Oxford University Press. Giddens, A. (1991) Modernity and Self-​Identity: Self and Society in the Late Modern Age, Cambridge: Polity Press. Giddens, A. (1994) ‘Living in a post-​traditional society’, in U. Beck, A. Giddens and S. Lash (eds) Reflexive Modernization, Politics, Tradition and Aesthetics in the Modern Social Order, Cambridge: Polity Press, pp 56–​109. Gillespie, R. (1999) ‘Voluntary childlessness in the United Kingdom’, Reproductive Health Matters, 7(13): 43–​53. Gillespie, R. (2000) ‘When no means no: disbelief, disregard and deviance as discourses of voluntary childlessness’, Women’s Studies International Forum, 23(2): 223–​234. Goffman, E. (1963) Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity, Englewood Cliffs, NY: Prentice-​Hall. Holloway, I. and Wheeler, S. (2013) Qualitative Research in Nursing and Healthcare (3rd edn), Oxford, UK: Wiley-​Blackwell. Horgan, G. (2001) ‘Changing women’s lives in Ireland’, International Socialism Journal, [online], available from marxists.org/​history/​etol/​newspaper/​isj2/​ 2001/​is2-​091/​horgan.htm [Accessed 10 July 2022]. Ingalls, E. (2016) ‘The public consequences of a personal choice: the impact of the decision to be childfree in family-​friendly America’, unpublished PhD thesis, [online], available from https://​irl.umsl.edu/c​ gi/v​ iewc​ onte​ nt. cgi?arti​cle=​1046&cont​ext=​disse​rtat​ion [Accessed 17 March 2023]. 231

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Inglis, T. (1998) Moral Monopoly: The Rise and Fall of the Catholic Church in Modern Ireland (2nd edn), Dublin: University College Dublin Press. Ireland, M. (1993) Reconceiving Women: Separating Motherhood from Female Identity, New York: The Guilford Press. Irish Human Rights and Equality Commission (nd)‘Human Rights Law in Ireland’, [online], available from ihrec.ie/​your-​r ights/​human-​r ights-​law-​ ireland/​[Accessed 31 December 2022]. Larkin, M., Watts, S. and Clifton, E. (2006) ‘Giving voice and making sense in interpretative phenomenological analysis’, Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3(2): 102–​120: doi.10.1191/​1478088706qp062oa. Oakley, A. (1979) Becoming A Mother, New York: Schöken Books. Park, K. (2002) ‘Stigma management among the voluntary childless’, Sociological Perspectives, 45(1): 21–​45. Safer, J. (1996) Beyond Motherhood: Choosing A Life Without Children, New York: Pocket Books. Scott, L. (2009) Two Is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice, Portland: Seal Press. Tuttle, L. (2010) Conceiving the Old Regime: Pronatalism and the Politics of Reproduction in Early Modern France, Oxford: Oxford Academic. Walker, E. (2011) Complete Without Kids: An Insider’s Guide to Childfree Living by Choice or by Chance, Austin, TX: Greenleaf Book Group.

232

CONCLUSION

Exploring mothering in future biographical research: interdisciplinarity, transdisciplinarity and new research agendas Lisa Moran, Lyudmila Nurse and Kateřina Sidiropulu-​Janků

This co-​edited volume of biographical scholarly works illuminates the flexibility, depth and richness of biographical approaches as applied to mothering and motherhood internationally, highlighting the variety and scope of biographical research in yielding nuanced (and often concealed) aspects of mothers’ lives, which are shaped by labyrinthine factors that reflect the multidimensionality of mothers’ biographies. Drawing on empirical research from both minority and majority world contexts, the chapters presented in this book further reveal the richness of cultural expectations of motherhood that prevail in contemporary societies, which are both challenged and legitimised by the media, policies, governance cultures and religious beliefs. Significantly, we simultaneously underline and challenge the inherently static character of linear categorisations/​dichotomies of mothering, which continue to prevail in contemporary literature. Importantly, empirical insights and the authors’ individual reflections further highlight tensions in policy-​based narratives of mothering and motherhood, which are socially and culturally variable, both in and across time, place and contexts, while showing that underlying contradictions exist between cultural assumptions and narratives about mothering in policies and society that contrast with women’s everyday experiences and lived situations in diverse social and political contexts. The book contributes markedly to extant, international biographical research on mothering and mothers’ lives, highlighting the complexity of mothering and motherhood as socially constructed, negotiated concepts and biographical processes, practices and lived experiences. The utilisation of lifecourse concepts in biographical research illuminates the dynamic nature of relationships between mothers and significant others, everyday ‘micro-​level encounters’ (Winter et al, 2017), power dynamics in communities, and the contested nature of social imaginings of motherhood. Furthermore, this book advances existing conceptual and empirical insights into mothers’ everyday lives, imagined futures and interconnecting 233

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

past, present and future selves from a bottom-​up perspective in the following ways: • by examining dynamic interconnections in diverse mothers’ experiences; • by identifying areas of confluence and convergence in mothering practices and the multiple (and interconnecting) narrative positionalities of mothers themselves that are both informed and shaped by powerful social expectations both in and across time; • by challenging stereotypes and assumptions about what constitutes ‘successful’ and ‘failed’ mothering that prevail in and across multiple cultural contexts, and challenging the predominantly static dichotomous approaches to mothering, revealing instead the heterogeneity and highly contextual nature of mothering and motherhood; • by illustrating the multidimensionality of mothers’ agency, individualisation and decision-​making in specific contexts; • by illuminating the complexity of non-​normative mothering and practices of non-​mothering that are often overlooked in contemporary research agendas; • by offering detailed narrative biographical data on seemingly ‘everyday’ social experiences in mothers’ lives that have especial resonance for women in terms of how they make sense of their own identities as mothers; and • by connecting these insights to contemporary trends, debates and developments in international literature on mothering, thereby suggesting fruitful conceptual and methodological avenues for future biographical research on mothers’ lived experiences. Importantly, the range and scope of biographical methods elucidated in this book also constitute a significant dimension of this book, with chapters illustrating and critiquing the opportunities and limitations of these methods in further exploring identity reconstruction, child-​rearing as process and practice, intimate relationships, and kinship bonds with extended families in global contexts (see, for example, Chapters 2, 3, 6, 8 and 9). The diversity and breadth of biographical methods explored in this book, and the variability and flexibility in how such methods are applied to excavate hitherto unknown and/​or under-​explored dimensions of mothers’ ordinary and everyday lives, including culturally diverse interpretations of mothering and motherhood as a powerful cultural symbol across countries, communities and cultures, are another important feature of this book. Furthermore, the global reach of the book beyond westernised societies and the range of insights on innovations and developments in biographical methodological design, data collection, analysis and interpretation are also of central importance to this book. The emphasis on complex interplays 234

Conclusion

of societal and cultural regulations with mothers’ internal dispositions and personal choices as linked to concepts of ‘linked lives’ (Wengraf, 2001; Carvalho et al, 2021) and lived situations (Wengraf, 2004) is exceptionally significant for both current exponents of the method and future adopters and innovators in biographical research. Generally speaking, the book’s intersecting themes are experiences of socio-​cultural and economic marginalisation, identities, religious beliefs and mothering, life choices, agency and biographical research innovations, trends and developments. In this Conclusion, we probe several pertinent questions with regard to these themes, identifying salient research agendas and methodological developments in unique social circumstances for mothers: the conflict in Ukraine, the global migrant ‘crisis’, technological advancements and the reopening of society in the wake of the global COVID-​19 pandemic. How may current trends and developments in biographical methods be usefully harnessed to fruitfully engage with women’s ‘lived lives’ and everyday experiences of child rearing under these circumstances? How might broader societal transformations regarding the social and cultural (re)positioning of mothering in relation to changed global relationships affect how we utilise biographical methods as research practitioners? What kinds of biographical research about mothers’ lives are currently on-​going internationally, and how can biographical research practitioners further advance interdisciplinary and transdisciplinary collaborations while engaging more effectively with public policy makers? What are the opportunities for the future extension of biographical research into predominantly practitioner-​oriented research in areas such as education, family support, social care, healthcare and social work, which are highly relevant to mothering and motherhood? How can we merge and compare findings from studies of mothering and mothering practices of various groups to create a coherent (as opposed to a fragmented) picture of mothering in modern societies? And what kinds of interdisciplinary and transdisciplinary research opportunities may be cultivated to further enhance new agendas on mothering and motherhood research? These questions served as guidelines throughout the preparation of this book, and are more explicitly explored in detail throughout the remainder of this Conclusion.

Mothers’ voices remaking and transcending socio-​political circumstances The biographical positioning of women in (intersecting) policy, societal and cultural contexts constitutes a notable lynchpin of this book. Various chapters in the book illuminate how complex socio-​legal and political circumstances that effectively marginalise women markedly affect mothers’ individual 235

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

biographies. Significantly, the authors Amini, Crosse and Millar, and Cronin provide compelling examples of prevailing historical legacies in Iran and Ireland (Chapters 2, 6 and 10), showing that relationships between the state and religious beliefs, patriarchal social relationships, and the enshrinement of idealised motherhood effectively subjugate and marginalise lone mothers and non-​mothers in legislation and policy. Comparably, analyses by Coles, Cooke and Chawla (Chapter 8) illuminate the layeredness of everyday mothering practices and the pervasiveness of policy-​related practices and processes that effectively silence and subdue mothers of children with Down syndrome. Additionally, Malacrida (Chapter 7) shows that narratives of ‘ideal motherhood’ and systemic ableism contribute markedly to (intersecting) economic, social and ideological inequalities among disabled mothers in Canada. Significantly, these chapters further suggest that the biographical positioning of mothers and concepts of ideal and successful motherhood, intensive mothering, and ‘good’ and ‘bad’ mothering are active socially constructed processes, the meanings of which are inherently contextual (see also Chapters 1, 2, 4 and 5). However, one of the main strengths of this book lies in the power of the mothers’ narrations themselves, emphasising how women actively position themselves in relation to past, present and future, thereby underlining deeply temporal dimensions of everyday mothering practices and the renegotiation of past and present experiences in relation to imagined futures (Miller, 2007; Morriss, 2018). Indeed, the preceding chapters yield ample examples of mothers actively reimagining their futures and attempting to transform their own circumstances for the sake of their children, despite manifold structural and ideological challenges (see, for example, Chapters 4 and 5). This emphasis on women renegotiating futures also corresponds broadly to extant work showing that women’s narratives about future life prospects are focused on their children’s future (Morriss, 2018). The maternal experiences connected to intergenerational memories render many women as ‘outsiders’ in contemporary society, ‘divorced’ from the linearity of neoliberal time cultures (Morriss, 2018). Indeed, socially imagined motherhood is a unifying theme of this book that both underpins preceding chapters that highlight the power of the mothers’ own biographical re-​imaginings in everyday life, as well as chapters that capture unique tensions in social expectations of what a mother ‘is’ and what a mother ‘should be’ compared with women’s actual lived realities of mothering across contexts (see, for example, Chapters 1, 7 and 8). Importantly, the book also shows that, regardless of economic and/​or social disadvantage and experiences of marginalisation, mothers’ narratives are inherently oriented towards the future and display strong commitment to their children and to building better lives.

236

Conclusion

Exploring novel research agendas on mothering: interdisciplinarity, transdisciplinarity and reflexivity Significantly, the rich findings on mothering and motherhood that are explored in this book illuminate multiple opportunities and ethical conundrums for biographical researchers as well. A developing corpus of social scientific research already exists on migrant motherhood (see, for example, Lombard, 2022); however, the application of biographical methods to understanding women’s mothering experiences and processes of ‘doing family’ (MacDonald, 2017) while crossing borders in the context of global humanitarian crises (for example, women who relocate to new communities due to conflict and climate change and mothers’ experiences of home-​making, storytelling and bearing and raising children in new countries and in international refugee camps) is largely underexplored (Esin and Lounasmaa, 2020). Furthermore, biographical studies that embrace arts-​based, ethnographic and (auto)ethnographic approaches may potentially yield important insights into how migrant mothers perform and write the world around them. Such research is not only relevant to academic and scholarly audiences but also to wider society and to international policy makers. Furthermore, migrant motherhoods as inherently linked to social contexts constitute a fruitful area for further interdisciplinary and transdisciplinary engagements with medical and health researchers and environmental sociologists, yielding valuable data on interpretations of health and environment that are intertwined with everyday mothering practices in extraordinary times and in unique circumstances and environments. However, such research necessitates continuous dialogue among biographical researchers with regard to ethical issues, including cultural sensitivity, language and how to perform research effectively with persons who have experienced multiple and intersecting personal traumas. However, extant biographical literature on research with trauma victims (see Bar-​ On and Kassem, 2004; Etherington, 2007; Bogner and Rosenthal, 2022) and how to conduct interviews sensitively and finding ‘safe spaces’ for researchers and participants in interview situations (Kazmierska, 2005) shows that we are methodologically and ethically well placed to engage on such issues. Insights from this book regarding ethics and the effects of cultural contexts on interviewing mothers render this an important sourcebook for future research endeavours with mothers who flee their home countries and thereby experience multiple traumas, prejudices and oppressions. In addition, more research on non-​mothering is also required, including how women’s decisions not to bear and raise children challenge social mores in various countries and contexts. Research on other family formations is also important; for example, biographical research with grandparents, fathers or

237

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

extended families who are ‘de facto’ mothers who leave their homeland and cross borders to build better futures for themselves and their children. Such data are exceptionally significant for policy, society, practice and academics.

Positionality and reflexivity The biographical researching of mothering as presented in this book spans diverse approaches towards both interview conduct and data analysis. These approaches are summarised in Table 1, including references to key methodological treatises in the field. The book addresses researchers’ positionalities, reflexivity and emotional work in biographical research with mothers across cultural and national contexts. Each chapter demonstrates the significance of cultural specificities and nuances that affected research encounters between mothers and researchers. The authors explain how cultural dynamics shape and reflect distance between mothers and interviewers, sometimes blurring professional boundaries between researchers and participants. It is important to demonstrate the ways in which researchers approach and continually renegotiate emotional and personal/​private terrains in everyday research practice, which also affects researcher self-​care and cultural sensitivity and the interpretation of the data. The importance of researchers’ reflections on doing biographical work with mothers highlights recent emphasis in biographical scholarship (Caetano, 2015; Ruokonen-​Engler and Siouti, 2016) on the reflexivity of biographical work, which necessitates further development of research ethics protocols and exploration of the roles of researchers in sensitive research. Cultural sensitivity is another area that concerned the book authors, as the use of biographical interviewing methods in various cultural environments takes into account a wide variety of factors. By bringing together authors from several continents, and diverse cultural contexts, we show how cultural sensitivity plays a role in conducting research on mothering. Every family has inner ways of doing things, inner sets of values and shared meanings. The extent to which this inner family system corresponds to the dominant cultural background of the society in which the family lives differs markedly. Therefore, it is important that researchers do not take cultural backgrounds for granted, regardless of whether the subject is ethnic-​majority or ethnic-​minority. Individual consideration of meanings and values may be included in the thematic part of interviewing if the research design allows it. A wide variety of biographical, narrative approaches are applied in this book to (see Table 1), which demonstrates the potential of biographical research to yield data of exceptional richness and societal value on mothering in diverse circumstances. This summary is useful for established/​experienced 238

Conclusion Table 1: Type of biographical interviews and analytical methods used by the authors in this book Type of biographical interview

Chapter in the book

Analytical method

Key references

Biographical lifecourse interviews

2: ’A good mother is a good mother and a good wife’: gender politics and mothering practice among older Iranian Muslim women (Amini)

Focusing on subjective interpretation of marginalised and silenced social group representatives Holistic approach

Miller (2000); Nurse (2013); O’Neill (2010); Roberts (2002); Rosenthal (2004)

7: Ideal, good enough and failed motherhood: how disabled Canadian mothers manage in hostile circumstances (Malacrida)

Feminist standpoint perspective Toole (2021) Intersectional perspective

8: Confronting meanings of motherhood in neoliberal Australia: six crystallised case studies (Coles, Cooke and Chawla)

Creative case studies Iterative process of refining the sociological and creative narratives and re-​reading transcripts, which led to enriched analyses Intersectional perspective Departing radically from traditional academic writing (DRAW)

9: Unplanned breakdown of foster mothering: biographical perspectives on identity challenges of foster mothers (Reimer)

Thick descriptions with detailed Schütze explanations of subjective (1983) meaning of the events Reconstructive analysis focused on individual interpretations of the events, the positioning of narrating mothers, focus on whether the perspectives were shared or differing from the interpretations of others Elaboration of case stories

10: Non-​ mothers: identities, ambiguity, biography making and life choices (Cronin)

Interpretative phenomenological analysis allowing an insider’s perspective Thematic analysis, to identify, analyse and catalogue patterns

Mackinlay (2022); Richardson (2000)

Braun and Clarke (2006); Braun and Clarke (2013); Larkin et al (2006) (continued)

239

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering Table 1: Type of biographical interviews and analytical methods used by the authors in this book (continued) Type of biographical interview

Chapter in the book

Analytical method

Key references

Thematic interpretative analysis Coding for evolving themes Combining methodologies, applying ethnographic perspective on biographical data

Breckner et al (2000); Nurse (2013); Nurse and Melhuish (2018); Roberts (2002); Schütze (2008)

5: Identities and life choices of mothers in a disadvantaged neighbourhood in England (Nurse)

Narrative interpretative analysis Formal textual investigation of the spontaneous and semi-​ structured parts Coding for evolving themes; analysis of the themes and experience-​centred analysis

Schütze (2008); Taylor (2010)

1: Becoming and being a Polish mother: narratives on the motherhood experience (Gajek)

A detailed transcript of the narratives Sequential analysis of the text Distinguishing three communication patterns (narrative, description and argumentation) Three stages of analysis (formal textual investigation, the structural description of narrative, and the analytical abstraction)

Schütze (2008)

Biographical narrative interviews

6: Giving voice to Irish mothers experiencing separation and divorce (Crosse and Millar)

Voice-​centred relational method Mauthner and of analysis, four readings of Doucet (1998) interview text, each time listening to and highlighting various voices in the narrative, each transcript being considered from many perspectives

Qualitative (hermeneutic) phenomenological interviews

3: Exploration of mothering and shifting identities in Kenya (Lukalo)

Focus on the inter-​relationship between individuals and their everyday world Phenomenological approach towards the genesis of the meaning in a dialectical process

Autobiographical 4: Biographies of narrative Roma mothering interviews in contemporary Czechia: exploring tapestries of multi-​ ethnic gendered identity in a marginalised social position (Sidiropulu-​ Janků and Obrovská)

240

Anderson (1991); Heidegger (1962); Moran (2001)

Conclusion

biographical researchers but is especially important for training initiatives with novice/​student researchers on mothering and motherhood. Significantly, Table 1 illuminates the highly nuanced dimensions of the authors’ work in this book, while also illuminating the potential adaptability of the approaches documented to future studies of mothering in terms of identities, intersectionality and dynamic inter-​relationships between mothers and the world around them. It also provides examples of further reading that are relevant to training of biographical researchers on mothering and motherhood per se.

COVID-19, transdisciplinarity and biographical research possibilities The emergence of the global COVID-19 pandemic and the subsequent reopening of society also yield new research agendas for biographical researchers with regard to mothering. For example, the experiences of mothers from Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic (BAME) communities, who were disproportionately and adversely affected by COVID-19 in terms of higher infection rates, prejudice, stigma, stereotyping and racism, require further exploration. Such research is timely given the current context, but it is also an area of potential engagement with health researchers, educational researchers, social workers, social carers and family support practitioners, as well as researchers within ‘hard’ scientific disciplines including medicine and epidemiological fields. While this book is an important sourcebook for both novice and established biographical researchers generally, and specifically in the adjoining fields of mothering and motherhood, it also opens doors in terms of conceptual questions with regard to new and more fruitful interdisciplinary and transdisciplinary research and dialogues. Furthermore, while much mothering research remains oriented towards motherhood in social and economically marginalised circumstances, it is also important for studies to focus on middle-​and upper-​class mothers’  biographies, and to show similarities with the experiences of so-​called ‘marginalised’ women. This is an important step forward in further dismantling static conceptualisations of idealised mothering and in creating a fuller picture of motherhood in contemporary societies. More opportunities for scholarly research dialogue on the similarities and differences in mothering practices, and ethical and methodological insights on ‘what works’ with regard to interviewing mothers in various cultural and economic contexts, are also very important. Significantly, the COVID-​19 crisis spawned a wealth of studies into the ethical and practical aspects of performing biographical interviews under new conditions of social distancing, predominantly in online settings (see, for example, Lobe et al, 2020; Lupton, 2020; Howlett, 2022). Given the possibilities of future global pandemics emerging, as is discussed in both 241

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

policy and scientific circles, it is also essential that, as biographical research practitioners, we continue such dialogues about emergent technologies in terms of possibilities, limitations and ethical dilemmas to maximise respect, openness and transparency in how we interact with and treat participants. It is also essential for biographical researchers to engage with policy makers and practitioners in areas such as education, social work, social care, medicine and healthcare to fully comprehend complexities of mothers’ experiences during COVID-19. This will greatly assist with government efforts to effectively plan for successive pandemics contributing to the wellbeing of mothers and families in future pandemic situations. More biographical narrative research on the experiences of mothers and parents during the pandemic, and the challenges and opportunities during re-​opening, would significantly enhance societal knowledge on such matters. Furthermore, new research agendas on mothering under pandemic conditions, which emphasise risk and uncertainty, would extend Arendell’s (2000) research categorisations. We consider our contributions in this book as part of on-​going research development in the field of biographical research. Each of the listed authors used existing methodologies, but also advanced them with their own research. We look forward to new publications that arise from existent methodologies, but are also aware that not all relevant work has been used. Therefore, we conclude with some suggestions for further reading, both in the field of biographical methodology, and the researching of mothering, motherhood, family and care.

Final reflections The book highlights and extends the potential significance of biographical methods in exploring various facets of mothering, non-​normative mothering and the lives of non-​mothers. While salient examples of biographical research are increasing in disciplines including social work, social care and education internationally (see, for example, Refaeli et al, 2017; Moran et al, 2019; Bennett, 2020), scholarly biographical transdisciplinary engagements with scientific communities (for example, chemistry, biology, veterinary sciences, climate and environmental sciences) have to date been limited, despite obvious (and multifarious) advantages of biographical approaches in transdisciplinary work. More sustained dialogues with practitioners and academics in social care, social work and family support regarding research opportunities and participant-​led research are also important for future research. The emphasis on transdisciplinary engagements in current global research contexts and the greater availability of funding and joint research endeavours yield more opportunities for engagement with scientific communities and practitioners. The identified opportunities and challenges for biographical research in transdisciplinary collaborations generally, and, 242

Conclusion

more specifically, in relation to processes, practices and experiences of mothering and non-​mothering, should be considered as important research agendas for the future. The book advances research on mothering in several ways; most significantly in according importance to women’s voices, who are often marginalised in policy and society, and generating deeper understanding of a wide range of mothers’ experiences in various societies, cultures and contexts. Most importantly, this book provides an important space for probing far-​reaching questions about how mothering is defined in contemporary societies and the importance of moving beyond idealised and overtly romanticised accounts of mothers’ lives to truly comprehend mothering realities in distinct contexts at a unique point in world history. References Anderson, J. (1991) ‘The phenomenological perspective’, in J. Morse (ed) Qualitative Nursing Research: A Contemporary Dialogue, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, pp 25–​38. Arendell, T. (2000) ‘Conceiving and investigating motherhood: the decade’s scholarship’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4): 1192–​1207. Bar-​On, D. and Kassem F. (2004) ‘Storytelling as a way to work through intractable conflicts: the German-​Jewish experience and its relevance to the Palestinian–​Israeli conflict’, Journal of Social Issues, 60(2): 289–​306. Bennett, J. (2020) ‘Work, identity, place and population: a changing landscape’, Frontiers in Sociology, 5(article 68): 1–​10. Bogner, A. and Rosenthal, G. (2022) ‘Social-​constructivist and figurational biographical research’, Current Sociology, 0(0): 1–​20. Braun, V. and Clarke, V. (2006) ‘Using thematic analysis in psychology’, Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3(2): 77–​101. Braun, V. and Clarke, V. (2013) ‘Teaching thematic analysis: overcoming challenges and developing strategies for effective learning’, The Psychologist, 26(2): 120–123. Breckner, R., Kalekin-​Fishman, D. and Miethe, I. (2000) Biographies and the Division of Europe: Experience, Action, and Change on the ‘Eastern Side’, Opladen: Leske Budrich. Caetano, A. (2015) ‘Personal reflexivity and biography: methodological challenges and strategies’, International Journal of Social Research Methodology, 18(2): 227–​242. Carvalho, D., Nico, M. and Carvalho, H. (2021) ‘Family ties, knots and gaps: mapping the linked lives principle in the family and life course literature’, Marriage and Family Review, pp 1–​21, doi: 10.1080/​01494929.2021.1975862. Esin, C. and Lounasmaa, A. (2020) ‘Narrative and ethical (in)action: creating spaces of resistance with refugee-​storytellers in the Calais ‘Jungle’ camp’, International Journal of Social Research Methodology, 23(4): 391–​403. 243

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering

Etherington, K. (2007) ‘Working with traumatic stories: from transcriber to witness’, International Journal of Social Research Methodology, 10(2): 85–​97. Heidegger, M. (1962) Being and Time (Translation), Oxford: Blackwell Publishing. Howlett, M. (2022) ‘Looking at the ‘field’ through a Zoom lens: methodological reflections on conducting online research during a global pandemic’,Qualitative Research, 22(3): 387–​402. Kazmierska, K. (2005) ‘Doing biographical research –​ethical concerns in changing social contexts’, Polish Sociological Review, 3(203): 393–​411. Larkin, M., Watts, S. and Clifton, E. (2006) ‘Giving voice and making sense in interpretative phenomenological analysis’, Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3: 102–​120. Lobe, B., Morgan, D. and Hoffman, K. (2020) ‘Qualitative data collection in an era of social distancing’, International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 19: 1–​8. Lombard, M. (ed) (2022) Reclaiming Migrant Motherhood: Identity, Belonging and Displacement in a Global Context, London: Rowman and Littlefield Lupton, D. (ed) (2020) ‘Doing fieldwork in a pandemic (crowd-​sourced document initiated and edited by Deborah Lupton in 2020; revised by Deborah Lupton 5 July 2021)’, [online], available from https://​docs.goo​ gle.com/​docume​ nt/d​ /1​ clGjGABB2h2qbduT​gfqr​ibHm​og9B​6P0N​vMgV​ uiHZ​Cl8/​edit# [Accessed 19 February 2020]. MacDonald, M. (2017) ‘A picture of who we are as a family: conceptualising post-​adoption contact as practices of family display’, Child and Family Social Work, 22(1): 34–​43. Mackinlay, E. (2022) ‘Chapter 8: Departing radically in academic writing: because, a manifesto’, in P. Burnard, E. Mackinlay, T. Dragovic and D. Rousell (eds) Doing Rebellious Research In and Beyond the Academy, Leiden, Netherlands: Brill-​i-​Sense Publishers. Mauthner, N.S. and Doucet, A. (1998) ‘Reflections on a voice-​centred relational method of data analysis: analysing maternal and domestic voices’, in J. Ribbens and R. Edwards (eds) Feminist Dilemmas in Qualitative Research: Private Lives and Public Texts, London: Sage. Miller, R. L. (2000) Researching life stories and family histories, London: Sage. Miller, T. (2007) ‘Is this what motherhood is all about?’, Gender & Society, 21(3): 337–​358. Moran, D. (2001) ‘Introduction to phenomenology, Robert Skololowski’, Journal of the British Society for Phenomenology, 32(1): 109–​112. Moran, L., McGregor, C. and Devaney, C. (2019) ‘Exploring the multidimensionality of permanence and stability: emotions, experiences and temporality in young people’s discourses about long-​term foster care in Ireland’, Qualitative Social Work, 19(5/​6): 1111–​1129.

244

Conclusion

Morriss, L. (2018) ‘Haunted futures: the stigma of being a mother living apart from her child(ren) as a result of state-​ordered court removal’, The Sociological Review, 66(4): 816–​831. Nurse, L. (2013) ‘Biographical approach in the study of identities of ethnic minorities in Eastern Europe’, in J.D. Turk and A. Mrozowicki (eds) Realist Biography and European Policy: An Innovative Approach to European Policy Studies, Leuven: Leuven University Press. Nurse, L. and Melhuish, E. (2018) ‘Parent in-​depth interview study Technical Report’, ISOTIS research report, ISOTIS, [online] 31 October, available from https://w ​ ww.isot​ is. org/e​ n/p​ ublications/​parent-​in-​depth-​interview-​ study-​technical-​report/​: ISOTIS [Accessed 11 March 2021]. O’Neill, M. (2010) Asylum, Migration and Community, Bristol: Policy Press. Refaeli, T., Mangold, K., Zeira, A. and Koengeter, S. (2017) ‘Continuity and discontinuity in the transition from care to adulthood’, British Journal of Social Work, 16(2): 325–​342. Richardson, L. (2000) ‘New writing practices in qualitative research’, Sociology of Sport Journal, 17(1): 5–​20. Roberts, B. (2002) Biographical Research, Milton Keynes: Open University Press. Rosenthal, G. (2004) ‘Biographical research’, in C. Seale, G. Gobo, J.F. Gubrium and D. Silverman (eds) Qualitative research practice, London: Sage, pp 48–64. Ruokonen-​Engler, M. and Siouti, I. (2016) ‘Biographical entanglements, self-​reflexivity, and transnational knowledge production’, Qualitative Inquiry 22(9): 745–​752. Schütze, F. (1983) ‘Biographieforschung und narratives interview’ [Biography research and narrative interviews], Neue Praxis, 13(3): 283–​293. Schütze, F. (2008) ‘Biography analysis on the empirical base of authobiographical narratives: how to analyse autobiographical narrative interviews –​part one and two’, European Studies on Inequalities and Social Cohesion, No 1/2: 153–​242. Taylor, S. (2010) Narratives of Identity and Place, London and New York: Routledge. Toole, B. (2021) ‘Recent work in standpoint epistemology’, Analysis, 81: 338–​350. Wengraf, T. (2001) Qualitative Research Interviewing, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Wengraf, T. (2004) ‘The biographic narrative interpretive method: short guide November 2004’, NCRM Working Paper, [online], available from http://​epri​nts.ncrm.ac.uk/​30/​ [Accessed 27 May 2020]. Winter, K., Cree, V., Hallett, S, Hadfield, M., Ruch, G., Morrison, F. and Holland, S. (2017) ‘Exploring communication between social workers, children and young people’, British Journal of Social Work, 47(5): 1427–​1444. 245

Index References to chapter notes show both the page number and the note number (231n3).

A Africa  63 Abaluhya  62, 75, 79 Abaluhyia culture  62 African feminist framework  64 African feminist theory  8 Afro–​Caribbean heritage  103 cultural heritage  115 agency  36, 41, 42, 46, 51, 54, 62, 70, 73, 235 Ahmed, S.  159–​161, 165–​169, 187, 189n7 ambiguity  195, 196, 206 Amini, E.  2, 41, 42, 44, 236 Arendell, T.  1, 2, 4, 13, 41, 83, 93, 95, 104, 199, 242 Assured Income for Severely Handicapped (AISH)  148 Atkinson, R.  125, 217 Australia  158–​159, 160–​169, 187–​188 mothers  169–​186 neoliberal Australia, motherhood in  158–​159, 187–​188 ‘Neoliberal Mothering Manual’  160 autobiographical narratives  23, 24, 37

B Bailey, L.  2 Bar-​On, D.  237 Bartmiński, J.  18, 20, 34, 37 Beck, U.  21, 34, 35, 220, 221, 222, 226 Beck-​Gernsheim, E.  21, 34, 35, 220, 222 Beguy, D.  61, 62, 63, 66 biographic  11, 86, 242, 245 biographical  continuity  33 experience  4, 108, 115, 117 interviewing method  12, 98 methods  6, 7, 11, 12, 46, 83, 98, 103, 104, 234, 235, 237 narrative  5, 7, 10, 23, 24, 37, 42, 46, 86, 100, 121, 122, 238 narrative research  242 perspectives on mothering  83–​84 positioning of women  235 sociology  121, 139 work  9, 238 biography  48, 61, 64, 65, 67, 68, 70, 77, 79, 140, 141, 219, 222 making  10, 216, 219, 222 in contemporary society  222

Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic (BAME) communities  241 Blum, L. M.  163, 164, 170, 180, 187 Blythe, S. L.  195, 196 Bogner, A.  237 Bourdieu, P.  46, 86 Bradley, C.  4, 11, 135 Brannon, G.  2 Braun, V.  230n2, 239 Breckner, R.  83, 240 Bronfenbrenner, U.  84, 103 Brown, J. T.  159, 167, 170, 175, 178 Bryman, A.  230n1 Budrowska, B.  19, 21, 34, 37, 38 Burlock, A.  140 Byrne, A.  122

C Caetano, A.  1, 12, 238 Canada  Canadian mothers  140 embodiment  141–​142, 146, 148, 153 and ‘failed’ motherhood  147–​153 ideal motherhood and  140–​141 and precarious motherhood  146–​147 disabled women and ‘good enough’ motherhood  144–​145 capital  5 caring  9, 11, 44, 51, 61, 63, 66, 70, 71, 72, 73, 75, 78, 92, 95, 127, 128, 133, 135, 195, 222 conventional  72 for a child with Down Syndrome  9, 11 for a child  9, 70 for children  72, 73 foster caring  195 over-​caring  44 responsibilities  133, 217, 218, 230 work  78 Carvalho, D.  235 Catholic  church  10, 130, 220, 223 ideology  124 Veneration of Mary  19 Catholicism  223 Chamberlayne, P.  1, 13, 83, 121 Chawla, J. K.  166, 169, 236 Chib, A.  2 child  child–​kinship relationship  63

246

Index childcare  84 childfree biographies and relationships, negotiating  222–​224 childhood/​caring responsibilities  218 custody  146–​148 inseparability of mother and child  91–​93 childless  10, 218, 219 by choice  10, 217, 225, 226, 227 childlessness  218, 223 voluntary  224 children  64–​66, 68, 72–​78 adopted  207–​208 biological  62, 70 foster  8, 197, 199, 200, 206–​209, 211, 214 raising (children)  21, 63, 107, 116, 162, 220, 237 ‘unwanted’  63 with Down syndrome  5, 9, 58–​159, 160, 166, 168–​169, 171, 180, 183, 185–​186, 188, 236 Chodorow, N. J.  41 choices, life  222, 228 mothering and  107–​112 non-​mothering, individualism and  10–​11 self-​reflexive  221 Christopher, K.  2 circumstances  5 adverse  5 challenging  5 diverse  8 Clarke, V.  217, 239 Coffey, A.  69 cognitive disabilities  155n3 Coles, Laetitia  168, 236 Connell, R.  45, 46, 49, 55 Connell, R.W.  42, 45, 46, 48, 49, 52, 55 contemporary society  10 diversity in family formations  10 motherhood in  10 ‘outsiders’ in  236 Cooke, E.  168, 236 Cooper, K.  5, 8 Cotton, C.  61, 62, 63, 66 COVID-​19  65, 104, 185, 241, 242 pandemic  12, 65, 235, 241 mothering during,  2 parenting during,  104 Cronin, J.  10, 216, 218, 236 Crosse, R.  126, 135, 136 Crossley, N.  42, 45, 46, 51, 55 Crowley, L.  122, 135 crystallisation, method of  158, 159 cultural  nuances  3 sensitivity  1, 237, 238 cultural contexts  6, 70, 122, 123, 126, 234, 235 diversity of  109, 117

effects of on interviewing mothers  238 identity  74 symbolism  7 Cummins, M.  2 Czechia  Czech Roma mothering  82 biographical perspectives on mothering  83–​84 exemplary biographical profiles of  87–​90 gender, ethnic and economic constraints  93–​98 inseparability of mother and child  91–​93

D Daly, M.  5 decisions  decision-​making  1, 10, 218, 220, 227, 230 life decisions  105 Denzin, N. K.  68, 121 desired parenting  196 difference, stories of  126–​134 disabilities  acquired  142 and ‘failed’ motherhood  147–​153 and precarious motherhood  146–​147 children with  22 cognitive  141, 155n3 embodiment  141–​142, 146, 148, 153 ideal motherhood and  140–​141 intellectual disabilities  141, 142, 143, 146, 147 invisible disabilities  151, 152 mental health disabilities  147 mothers of children with  187 mothers with  22 physical disabilities  141, 142, 146 visible disabilities  144, 148 disabled women  5, 9, 140, 141, 142, 144, 145, 153, 154 divorce  44, 121, 122, 123, 124, 131, 142, 236 Denzin, N. K.  68, 121 Donath, O.  21, 23, 36, 37 Doniec, R.  21, 36, 37 Doucet, A.  123, 126, 240 Doyle, N.  3 Down syndrome  5, 9, 158–​160, 166, 168–​171, 173, 184, 186, 188

E economy  42, 125, 219 economic  74 capital  5 constraints  87, 93, 97 crisis  20 factors  2 independence, adherence to  164–​168 security  83 status  7, 103, 105 wellbeing  93

247

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering economically  active  43 adverse circumstances  5 challenging circumstances  5 disadvantaged  5, 6, 82 diverse circumstances  8 educational attainments  1 Ellingson, L.  158, 169 emotion  3, 11, 28, 41, 45, 49, 65, 93, 158 negative  23, 36 emotional  5 achievements  196 bond  206 capital  5 care  69, 93 challenges  184 difficulties  68 dynamics  41, 45 growth  72 health  69 impact  219 needs  11 over investment  44 resources  23 side (of foster parent-​foster child relationship)  196 support  66 ties  22 turmoil  170 work  92 England  103–​105 disadvantaged neighbourhood  103 mothering and life choices  107–​112 mothers’ hard decisions  113–​115 responses to societal expectations  112–​113 Ennis, L. R.  1, 4 Esin, C.  237 Etherington, K.  237 ethnic  7, 75 background  87 communities  77 identities  75, 76, 82, 86, 95, 99 majority  90, 97 minority  5, 7, 82, 84, 86 minority identity  95 ethnic minority mothering  95 multi-​ethnic identity  82 ethnicity  2, 41, 42, 98 Ethnography  11 ethnographic  5, 86, 87, 98, 237, 240 European Economic Community  125 European Union  195

F Fahey, T.  124 Faircloth, C.  104

family  4, 7, 9–11, 18–23, 25–29, 31, 36–37, 42–44, 63, 69, 71, 85–90, 95, 98, 99, 103, 107, 122, 124–125, 129, 132, 147, 149, 172, 180, 185, 187–188, 194–195, 202, 203–204, 211, 218, 220, 222, 238 biological  90 bonds  62 breakdown  141 code  44 contexts  61 convergence of, with religion, culture and economy  42 displaying  196, 199, 207 diversity in family formations  10 ‘doing’  207, 237 extended family  4, 69 foster  202, 209, 210 happy family, image of  26, 31, 32, 34, 37 interests of  19 life managers  7 nuclear  195 of origin  202, 204 responsibilities  75, 127, 135 role models  7 support  66, 109, 115, 117, 143, 241, 242 supporting  26 traditional patriarchal  21 unsupportive  69 Family Law (Divorce) Act 1996  122 Family Law Reform Act 1989  122 family stigma, managing  224–​226 feminisation  1 feminism  124, 169 feminist  African  70, 79 ethic of care  169 research methodologies  121 scholarship  1, 64, 95 standpoint theory  140 Fischer-​Rosenthal, W.  11 fostering  62, 77, 80, 195, 196, 197, 200, 201, 206 child fostering in Sub-​Saharan Africa  80 foster care  8, 146, 147, 152, 194, 195, 196, 199, 202, 203, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 212 breakdown experiences  199–​200 ‘Breakdown in Foster Care’ project  206 foster children  8, 197, 199, 200, 206, 207, 208, 209, 211 foster families  202, 209, 210 foster mother–​foster son relationships  210 foster mothering  194 case studies  200, 206, 209 perspective of  194, 199, 200 roles of  194, 195, 198, 200

248

Index

H

foster parents  8, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 201 Frizell, C.  161 Furedi, F.  103, 104, 112, 116

G Gajek, K.  2, 24, 38n2, 104 Gassmann, Y.  196, 197, 199, 208, 210 ‘gastronomic mother’  20 gender  and ableness  158, 159 and agency  51 and ethnicity  42 and sexual identities  142 as social practice  41 division of labour  52 embodiment  45 expectations  49 equality  134 identity  42 inequality  43 norms  42 order  42, 51, 54 order theory  45, 55 politics  41 power  7 practices  54 relations  7, 45 relationships  45, 50 regime  124 roles  10, 49, 50, 52, 53, 54, 124, 220 socialisation conditions  20–​22 stereotypes  83, 226 gendered stereotyping  93 Germany  6, 8, 194, 195, 196, 198, 199, 210, 211 image of motherhood in Germany  194 Giddens, A.  47, 83, 99, 219, 221, 222 Gilbert, E.  3 Gillespie, R.  220, 222, 223 Gillies, V.  3, 5, 161 global humanitarian crises  237 Global North  55 Global South  46 Goffman, E.  226 Golden, D.  8 ‘good’ and/​or ‘bad’ mother  3, 4 good-​enough mother  29–​31, 35 ‘good enough’ motherhood  144–​145 good mothering  2, 3, 5, 6, 19, 30, 31, 37, 38, 41–​43, 45, 49–​53, 55, 56, 66, 72, 73, 82, 84–​86, 91, 93, 97, 99, 113, 116, 144, 155, 194, 199, 207, 208, 211, 227 Gould, S.  141, 143 Green, F.  2 Güney-​Frahnm, I.  159, 161

Haynes, A.  2 Hays, S.  4, 21, 23, 34, 38, 45, 50, 55, 104, 116, 140, 163, 170 hegemony  46 hegemonic intensive mothering  42 Heidegger, M.  64, 240 Hildenbrand, B.  196, 197 Hochschild, A.  92, 104, 115, 118 Holloway, I.  217 household  20 and financial support  151 care  135 chores  26, 27, 30 duties  28, 35 economics of  50 economic wellbeing  93 keeping the  93 lower socio-​economic  123 responsibilities  218 running the  27, 30, 34 taking care of  89 traditional breadwinner  125 ‘household matriarchy’  20 Huang, S. Y.  10 Hünersdorf, B.  197

I ideal motherhood  9, 141, 153, 155n1 idealised motherhood  1, 236 idealised mothering  3, 241 identities  and belonging  75 as ‘carers’ and ‘parents’  194 ethnic  75, 76, 82, 86, 95, 99 ethnic minority  95 family  99 individual and collective  7 and life choice  103–​118 mothering  1, 3, 4, 6, 78, 107 mothers’  6, 7, 103, 117 multidimensionality of  8 multiple  7 positive feminine  10 role  194–​196 self-​identification  6–​8, 18, 30, 34, 35, 36, 99 sexual  142 shifting  61–​79 stigmatised  10 transnational  2 image  34, 37 maternal self-​image  208 image of a ‘good mother’  37, 207 of the woman/​mother  34 Imam, A.  61, 64, 72 Inclusive Education and Social Support to Tackle Inequalities in Society (ISOTIS) project  23, 84, 86, 105

249

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering informal urban environments, social mothering in  71–​77 Inglehart, R.  135 Inglis, T.  220, 223 ‘intensive motherhood’  199 intensive mothering  41, 45, 50, 55, 56, 160, 163 intensive parenting  9, 55, 104, 116, 118 inter-​disciplinary research  11, 12, 235, 237, 241 interview  8, 10, 11, 12, 98, 103, 105, 126, 140, 158, 237 autobiographical narrative  105 biographical interviews  8, 12, 42, 45, 47, 83, 85, 98, 105, 199 biographical life course  12 in-​depth  11 interview conduct  238 narrative interviews  10, 24, 140, 199 partial biographical interviews  199 semi-​structured  66, 168, 217 Iranian Muslim women  41–​42, 50–​54 analytical framework  45–​46 Iran and mothering practice  43–​45 Ireland  10, 121, 124, 125, 129, 134, 221 Article 41.1.1 of the Irish constitution  136n1 Article 41 of the Irish constitution  124 Irish  cultural environment  134 family law  122 historical position of women in Irish society  124–​125 Judicial Separation and Family Law Reform Act 1989  122 mothers  10, 121 social policy  10, 123 state  10, 124 three stages of separation experience  126–​134 Islamic  constitution  43 Criminal Law  56 juridical discourse  44 Islamic law  44 Islamic Revolution (1979)  43, 44, 47, 50

K Kassem, F.  237 Kazmierska, K.  237 Kelly, G.  5 Kenya  61 reconstructing childhood  65–​71 social mothering  62–​64, 77–​78 in informal urban environments  71–​77 Kindler, H.  195 Kirton, D.  196

L labour market  125, 136 Ladd-​Taylor, M.  141 Laney, E. K.  108, 118 Lareau, A.  4, 104, 163, 184 Lee, E.  1, 103, 104, 118 Lentin, R.  121 life choices  8, 103, 107, 216, 222, 228 alternative  228 mothering and  107–​110 non-​mothering, individualism and  10–​11 self-​reflexive  221 life course scholarship  3 ‘lifespan development’  3 lived experience  4, 6, 9–​11, 45, 47, 54, 64, 65, 79, 121, 142, 173, 187, 216, 233, 234 lived realities  1, 3, 236 Lombard, M.  237 Lounasmaa, A.  237 lower-​level employment opportunities  136 low-​income families  118 Lukalo, F.  4, 62, 63, 65, 69, 71

M MacDonald, M.  237 Maciarz, A.  18, 35, 36 Malacrida, C.  3, 9, 140–​142, 153, 236 ‘managerial matriarchy’  22 Marshall, H.  108, 112, 116 maternal instinct  220 Mauthner, N.S.  123, 126, 240 May, V.  4, 116 McCormack, M.  42, 44 McGinnity, F.  125 ‘medical gaslighting’  160 Merrill, B.  12, 46 methods  analytical (used by authors summary)  239–​240 biographical  46, 103, 234, 235, 237, 242 creative application of  6 diversity of  6 novel  11 potential of  1 biographical interviewing  12, 98 biographical research  12 crystallisation  158–​159 narrative research  122, 242 of interviewing  238, 239–​240 qualitative  61 qualitative hermeneutic phenomenological approach  64 user-​based  84 voice-​centred relational  122 middle-​class mothers  104 Mikell, G.  61, 64

250

Index Millar, M.  4, 11, 126, 135, 136, 236 Miller, R. L.  12, 48, 239 Miller, T.  236 Mohammadi, N.  44 Moran, L.  5, 9, 12, 242 Morriss, L.  236 mother(s)  ‘good’ and/​or ‘bad’ mother  3, 4 good-​enough mother  29–​31, 35 ideal of Polish Mother  19–​20 of children with Down syndrome  9, 158 super-​mother(s)  28–​29, 44 middle-​class mothers  104 mother–​child relationship  63 mother–​daughter relationship  66 motherhood  contemporary stay-​at-​home Polish mother  26–​28 experience of  18, 25, 35, 41, 67, 140, 194 gender socialisation conditions  20–​22 ‘good enough’  144–​145 imperative’  21 mother surpassing her own mother  31–​32 migrant  237 in neoliberal Australia,  158–​159, 187–​188 pluralism of experiences and models  22–​23 saved-​by-​motherhood woman  32–​33 ‘socialist’ Polish mother  20 mothering  and life choices  107–​112 and non-​mothering, individualism and life choices  10–​11 as practice and process  4–​6 biographical approaches to  11–​12 biographical perspectives on  83–​84 biographical researching of  238 cultures, non-​normative  8–​9 good mothering  2, 3, 5, 6, 19, 30, 31, 37, 38, 41–​43, 45, 49–​53, 55, 56, 66, 72, 73, 82, 84–​86, 91, 93, 97, 99, 113, 116, 144, 155, 194, 199, 207, 208, 211, 227 hegemonic intensive mothering  42 identities and processes of self-​identification  6–​8 life course approaches to  3 lives, research on  11–​12 mothering identities  3–​4, 6–​8 multidimensionality of  1–​6 novel research agendas on mothering  237–​238 social  65–​67, 69, 70, 77–​79 societal assumptions on  4 ‘vigilante mothering’  170 voices remaking and transcending socio-​political circumstances  235–​236

Muller, V.  2 Murad, N.  108, 116 Mutongi, K.  64, 71

N narrative  interview  10, 24, 140, 199 biographical  10, 105, 122 narratives  autobiographical  23, 24, 37 biographical  5, 7, 10, 23, 24, 37, 42, 46, 86, 100, 121, 122, 238, 242 creative  159, 168, 192 individual (analysis of)  105, 126 kaleidoscopic nature of  5 mothers’  23, 94 women’s  9, 11, 55 neoliberal health care systems  160 neoliberalism  55, 158–​161, 186, 188 neurodiversity  155n3 Neves, B.B.  159, 160, 186, 187 non-​custodial mothers  142, 148 non-​interventionist approach  131 non-​motherhood  216 non-​mothers  factors and experiences that influenced women away from motherhood  218–​221 individualism and life choices  10–​11 methodology  217–​218 negotiating childfree  biographies  222–​223 relationships  223–​224 risk and wellbeing  221–​222 self-​reflection  216 stigma and negative judgement surrounding women’s voluntary childlessness  224–​245 non-​normative mothering cultures  8–​9 norm-​oriented motherhood  209 norm-​oriented parenting  196 Nurse, L.  3, 46, 85, 86, 104–​105 NVivo  126

O O´Connor, P.  124 O’Neill, M.  12, 46, 47, 48, 239 O´Reilly, A.  1, 2 Oakley, A.  45, 220 Obrovská, J.  3, 82, 85, 99, 104 Ogundipe-​Leslie, M.  61, 62, 63, 64 ‘one-​parent family payment’  132 ‘other mothering’  64

P parenting  desired  196 ‘parenting on demand’  104 parent–​school relationship  117

251

Biographical Research and the Meanings of Mothering reflexive  196 representational  196 responsible  196 vulnerable  196 Park, K.  220, 226 Pascoe Leahy, C.  159, 160, 162 Peta, C.  12 Phoenix, A.  2, 11, 116 Pinkerton, J.  11 Plummer, K.  46 Poland  gender socialisation conditions  20–​22 ideal of Polish mother  19–​20 pluralism of motherhood experiences and models  22–​23 Polish mother  18 contemporary stay-​at-​home mothers  26–​28 good-​enough mother  29–​31 mother surpassing her own mother  31–​32 saved-​by-​motherhood woman 32–​33, 37 ‘socialist’ Polish mother  20 super-​mother  28–​29 positionality  238–​241 poverty and financial issues  219–​220 Protestantism  198 psychosocial competences  92 punitive funding arrangements  153

R Reay, D.  4 Ramsay, G.  141 reflexive  body techniques  45, 55 parenting  196 reflexivity  238–​241 Reimer, D.  8, 195, 197, 199, 200, 210, 211 Reissman, C. K.  67 representational parenting  196 responsible parenting  196 Rich, A.  19, 35, 38 Richardson, L.  158, 159, 160, 188, 189n15, 239 Roberts, B.  12, 42, 83, 103, 105, 135, 239, 240 role identities  194–​196 Rooney, C.  11 Rosenthal, G.  11, 12, 46, 48, 237, 239 Ruddick, S.  83 Ruokonen-​Engler, M.  238 Russell, H.  125

S Schmidt, E.  3 Schofield, G.  194, 195, 197

Schütze, F.  24, 34, 85, 105, 199, 239, 240 Sebring, J. C. H.  160, 167, 173, 175, 180, 187, 189n1, 189n10 self-​identification  6–​8, 18, 30, 34, 35, 36, 99 separation experience, three stages of  126–​134 Sharia law  2 Sidiropulu-​Janků, K.  3, 82, 85, 95, 99, 104 Sinclair, I.  197 Siouti, I.  238 Smith-​Silva, D.  2 Smyth, L.  1 social embodiment  45 social marginalisation  7 social mothering  65–​67, 69, 70, 77–​79 communal and relational world of mothers  62–​64 in informal urban environments  71–​77 social policy  55, 56 social protection system  133 social stigma, managing  226–​229 societal assumptions on mothering  4 socio-​cultural reality  69 structure–​agency dichotomies  122 Studer, T.  197 surveillance  95, 141, 142, 146 symbolic interactionism  24 Swadener, B. B.  62, 63

T Taylor. S.  117, 240 telehealth  189n14 Titkow, A.  18, 20, 21, 27, 34–​38 Track, L.  140, 141, 155n4 traditional  family role models  7 female life course  136 patriarchal family  21 transdisciplinary  11, 12, 235, 237, 241, 242

U Umansky, L.  141

W Wengraf, T.  1, 5, 235 West, L.  12, 46 Whelan, A.  159, 163, 175, 178 Winter, K.  233 women  biographical positioning of  235 experiences of poverty and financial issues  219–​220 Iranian Muslim  in Irish society, historical position of  124–​125

252