Advice To My Dear Daughter 9789151927893

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Marianne Hamilton

Advice To My Dear Daughter

Marianne Hamilton

ADVICE TO MY DEAR DAUGHTER Translation Alice Klingener

Title: Advice To My Dea r Daughter Category: An International Management Book Author: Marianne Ham ilton Translation : Alice Klingener, Saga Language Services, www.saga lang.com Final ed iting: Cathrine Stja rn ekull Cover art: Nanna Hamilton 2019 Photo of Marianne Hamilton: Jenny Hammar, jennyhammar.com Graphic design, origina l and repro: Anette Andersson Printed and bound : Atta.45 Tryckeri AB, Sweden, www.atta45 .se Publisher: Ek och Bok AB, Sweden, www.ekobok.se Copyright: © Marianne Hamilton, 2019 and © Ek och Bok AB , 2019 Published year: Fi rst published in Sweden by Ek och Bok in 2019 ISBN (pb): 978-9 1-519-2789-3

"Marianne Hamilton has written a book which is perfect in timing and relevant in content. While companies are setting targets for a more balanced gender composition and establishing processes to make it happen, little will be achieved without the preparedness and power of women taking charge of their own careers. This is where the focus should be, there are no shortcuts to top positions. Marianne's advice will help women to better understand the playing field in industry and inspire them to go for leading positions. I believe that this book can contribute to a real change."

Staffan Bohman Chairman of Electrolux

"I believe in people's inherent strength: people make it happen. A woman's own drive and desire are the factors that will enable her to reach a position where she gains the power and thereby the possibility to truly make a difference, creating lasting results that benefit the company and the community. Having a well-defined organization with smoothly functioning processes and clear responsibility for results definitely helps, but it is the woman's own strength, exercised from the bottom up, that gives her these opportunities! My dear daughter, certainly there are obstacles, but your focus should be on the possibilities. This book contains 46 pieces of advice for you. Happy reading!"

Marianne Hamilton Author

M

y name is Marianne Hamilton, and I have had a long, solid professional career. The last sixteen years I was a senior executive at a Swedish international firm that operated in over 80 countries. My title was Senior Vice President, Organizational Development and Management Resources. In recent years I have also served as a member of several corporate boards. I know what it's like to be a woman in an environment dominated by men. When I began my career, women's issues had not even been raised yet-or was I completely blind? Men and women worked very well together in our environment, which was strictly focused on results, although we women clearly tended to work in staff positions. Many years later, particularly as I began to mentor younger women, I came to see the inequality that prevailed. Nevertheless, I was skeptical about the voices that were now beginning to be heard: voices that pointed out all of the obstacles to women's careers; voices that theorized about constructs of such immense proportions they were nearly magical, such as patriarchal structures and glass ceilings; voices that wanted the state to intervene. Although several laws had already been enacted, there was a call for additional government directives, as though we women were victims who were unable to manage our own lives. The companies become nervous, and begin to hunt for activities to promote women and smooth the path for us. Activities that came from the top down. But have they actually helped? I'm not entirely sure they have. I believe that our power needs to come from the bottom up. We women are not victims! We have boldly taken

responsibility, creating and developing companies over the years. My advice is for you, the candid woman (or man): forget all of those theories! The world you live in is your world, and this is the reality you are facing. But before I get down to brass tacks, I'd like to provide an introduction. In 1798 Swedish poet Anna Maria Lenngren composed the poem "Advice to my dear daughter, if I had one." How could the most professional woman of her time advise her younger sisters to devote their lives to domestic tranquility? Was she that disillusioned, or had she actually come to believe this? This is the poem's final verse:

On reading do not waste your timeLadies needn't read cover to cover, Or if you must read, keep it brief Lest the saucepan boil over! But for my part, I encourage you to pursue a rich professional life. Giving yourself permission to truly be yourself at the same time will lead to true personal and professional growth. Find out who you are, and be who you are. How do I know this? I have many years' experience in working life. I have taken many walks with women I've mentored, and I've stayed up talking with my friends late at night, including many light summer evenings. But I've also been alone, with time to reflect. Today I feel that I have something to offer to the next generation of women. Does this sound a bit overconfident? Perhaps, but if I'd had a daughter I would have tried. Women have always transferred knowledge from one generation to the next, although we often think of domestic skills in this context. However I'm talking about knowledge of professional life: understanding how you as a woman can relate to others, find your way and achieve a life that is rich and exciting, but harmonious as well, and how you can contribute using your full potential.

My dream is for you to advance to a position where you achieve the power, and thus the ability, to move your business in a healthy direction. To get there you need to become even more professional, and unfortunately to develop a thicker skin as well. And your dream is ... yes, I understand, knowing what you want can be the hardest thing when you are young, but allow me to help you on the way. My dear daughter. The purpose of this book is to give you a bit of advice. I am talking to you, the reader who is ambitious and wants to make a difference in her professional life. You are a woman, but you could otherwise come from any background at all. Nevertheless you are "my dear daughter." I want to give you some advice that could be useful as you begin your professional development, or rather your journey toward executive positions in the business world. As the title indicates, this is my advice, and I will make use of my own experiences. I expect not all of it will resonate with you, since your life experiences and mine will be very different. Nonetheless I hope that my thoughts and examples will inspire you to find the available paths forward from where you are right now.

Stockholm, Sweden Marianne Hamilton

2019

Tippe-my pointer puppy

I am on the way to pick up Tippe and bring her home. The rain is absolutely pouring. I cast a glance at the empty puppy carrier on the floor in front of the passenger seat. A puppy - what a feeling. I found her online and had a good long conversation with the breeder: "Yes, our bitch Lyra is on the small side for a pointer, but she holds a point well. The sire has a good reputation and has won a lot of hunt tests." But the breeder's attitude is what wins me over. His way of describing Lyra as a mother, and his views on raising dogs. "OK, " I hear myself say, "I'll take a female puppy." Independent Marianne, with all of her freedom, has just tied herself up for the next twelve years. Why? I don't know. I'm just following an inner yearning right now. Not long after I am sitting on the breeder's porch, with the pointer puppy on my lap. She is whimpering uneasily, and I instinctively put her down on the floor. She immediately takes off, playfully racing ahead. She knows what she wants, and she wants it now. She lives so wonderfully in the moment, with no plans and perhaps no memories. Just here and now, with broader experience gained through recognition. "You'll sound like a dotty old lady, Marianne, " a good friend warned me when she heard that I was going to include Tippe in this book-a book that would be read by dynamic, performance-oriented women around the world. People with different backgrounds, personalities

and circumstances lumped together under the category of "women." Okay, I said, in that case I guess I'll have to write a book called "An old lady who learned a lot from her dog" so that Tippe can be in the book! Here and now-this is a constant in Tippe's upbringing. She's supposed to develop from a puppy to a pointing bird dog, after all. She has a hunting instinct, focus and independence, and it's not entirely easy to be her mistress. "Life is what is happening here and now." We've heard that phrase so often, or come across this piece of wisdom in literature and poetry. But what does it actually mean? Tippe has clearly mastered the concept: She follows where her energy takes her and believes in herself By understanding the current moment, what is happening right now, and what is important right now, she is then able to make her decisions.

Contents

46 Pieces Of Advice For My Dear Daughter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 The Connected Generation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 Results Are What Counts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 3 Manager And Leader - Two Sides Of The Same Coin . . . . . . . 5 4 Am I Good Enough? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 5 Is It Really Good Enough? .. .... . ..... .... ... .. . .. . . ..... ... 9 6 Being A People Pleaser. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 7 Being The New Person At Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 8 How Do I Pursue A Career? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 9 What Is Professional Life All About? . . .... . .. . . . . .. ... . .... 22 10 To Do Is To Learn! . ... .. . . ... .. . . .... ..... . . . . . . . ........ . 24 11 Are You On The Team? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 12 Don't Be Naive . .. . ........ ....... ... . . . ..... . .... ... . . ... 28 13 Don 't Be Judgmental . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 14 Dare To Command Respect. . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 32 15 Stand Up For Yourself . . . .... ... . ...... .. .. . .............. 34 16 Assert Your Position ....... . . ...... .. . .... . .. ... . . ....... . 36 17 How Do I Get A Hearing? . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 38 18 Here And Now Is What Matters ....... .. .......... ........ 41 19 Can You Lead Yourself? . . ...... .... ...... ... . .. . . . . ....... 43 20 Social Ability . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 21 Vision-Driven Leadership .... .... . . .......... ... ... . ..... . 49 22 The Benefit Of Being A Manager . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 23 Do You Have Leadership Qualities? . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . 55

24 Network And Cooperate With Other Women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 25 Future Expectations . ... . .. .. . . . . ...... .. ... . . . . . . . .... ... 61 26 Don 't Forget Your Values . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 27 Charity On An Equal Basis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 28 Well-being . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 29 Enjoy Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 30 And What Are Th e Men Like? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73 31 How Do The Men View Us Women? . .... . .. . ...... .. . ..... 80 32 Equality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 33 Choose Your Mentor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87 34 The Glass Ceiling .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89 35 Get A Strong Network . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 36 Move On - The Men Do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 37 Looking For Work On Your Own . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99 38 Make Sure You GetThe Right Salary ...... .. .. .. . . . .. .. .. 101 39 Life Balance . .... .... ........ .. . . ..... . .. . ... ........ . .. 104 40 Don't Accept Working Yourself To Death . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 41 Keep Up Your Friendships . .. .... . . .................. ... . 110 42 Put The Problem Where You Can Solve It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112 43 We Are People-Not Resources . .. .. ... ... ... ...... . . . . . 114 44 When You Have Achieved A Position Of Power . . . . . . . . . . . . 116 45 You As A Leader .. . ... ... .. . . . . .. .. .... . .... ............. 119 46 How Do We Promote More Female Managers? .. ......... . 121

An Internal Open Global Labor Market. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125 Recruiting And Selecting Candidates. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133 The Vision Of The Equal Enterprise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135 Executive Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137

46 Pieces Of Advice For My Dear Daughter

1 The Connected Generation

My dear daughter. I am quite aware that you belong to the generation that is always available, and always expects others to be available: the connected generation. You're used to searching for information, and to getting instant feedback. You have short "lead times." Above all, you are used to constantly being connected with a lot of people. You Google and blog and send text, you lnstagram and Skype in a way that is completely unlike my own experience. It appears as though you continually need to reassure yourself that you are in touch with people and up to date on the latest. Something tells me that this is your way of finding yourself and your fundamental values. There's so much that needs a response. What's your position on environmental issues, or the business world? All of the information is out there, it's just a matter of surfing and searching. And for just this reason, you're expected to have an opinion on all of these issues. My generation obtained information by reading the daily newspapers. We aired our views in the school dining hall

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1 The Connected Generation

or on the telephone. We learn to communicate by paying attention to people's tone of voice, by reading their facial expressions and body language. We weren't expected to have views on all issues, but we loved to talk. Your generation has the reputation of being impatient, confident, hard to please, responsible, creative individuals who need reassurance. Your generation will challenge the labor market, and you will have new demands for leadership. One thing is for sure: those of you who will go on to be successful won't just have communicated online. You'll also have had deep personal conversations over a cafe latte. My dear daughter. I know very little about you, but I guess that things are more difficult for you than they were for me. You live with expectations that you will have a successful career while fulfilling yourself, while I only had to find a professional job. The demands on me were to be able to support myself. The demands on you seem to be very high. You don't just have to have a career-you also have to succeed in every fields of endeavor. Everything is heaped onto your slender shoulders, and I see that you take life extremely seriously. What is it that drives you? It's certainly not joy.

2

2 Results Are What Counts

The typical company has owners who expect results in terms of money and growth, while other parties are also expected to deliver various results. There's a business that needs to grow and advance. Objectives are established and strategies devised. The organization evolves, and structures and processes are created. Employees gain experience and their skills grow. Various business ratios are used to track the company's performance, everything is reported and stakeholders are informed. This is the world you live in now. You have a position somewhere, and presumably a boss. This boss has been charged with an assignment, and to him/her you are an employee whose job is to contribute to his/her success in this assignment. That's all there is to it. Of course your boss is interested in your professional development and well-being, but at the end of the day results are what counts. In other words the results that your boss can then deliver - your results. My first real boss was a man at a medical device company who had zero faith in my abilities. He came into my office at least twice a day to inspect everything I did. "What's the status on this issue?" was a standard question. Naturally I became extremely nervous and could barely explain what I was working on. One Friday I came home to have dinner

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with my parents and burst into tears. I still remember how my Dad said "but Marianne, the company's future does not rest on your slender shoulders alone." A few years later when I was in late pregnancy, I was walking past a department store in Stockholm when I suddenly saw my old boss. Without thinking, I rushed up to him and spanked him on the bottom. By then I was free and strong, and able to speak to him as an equal. He told me that he had quit our old company and was now working in Stockholm. I understood that he had been under a lot of pressure back when he was my boss. My dear daughter. Try to understand your boss's assignment and which strategies are important. Your contribution needs to fit into the big picture, and a solo pirouette doesn't help the final result. The more you understand the existing situation, requirements, threats etc., the better your contribution can be, and the more you contribute, the more your skills will grow. You will then have this foundation as you move ahead in your professional life.

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3 Manager And Leader-Two Sides Of The Same Coin

Your manager has their assignment and their responsibility in the organizational structure. If it stops there and your manager does not try to advance the business, then they are lacking in leadership. But if a manager has a vision, then that manager is a leader. They are inspired not just by creating results, but by advancing the business so that the results move ahead - for the long term. They focus on product development, market development and organizational development - everything that is part of running a business. They are keen ly aware of the expectations of their customers, employees and society. Their structures are clearly laid out, and follow-up is performed as a matter of course. Being in business is a great place to be, where you can help make a difference. But performing administration? There is nothing that merely needs to be administered; everything must continually be refined. If you have a manager who is an administrator, and who in addition constantly asserts their power and takes all the credit-who does not lead or provide feedback - that is not the place to be when you are young. People whose personalities lack leadership qualities, who do not understand how to accomplish things, who do not respect implementation - what do they have to teach

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3 Manager And Leader - Two Sides Of Th e Same Coin

you? They can try to buy you. Weak managers often pay high salaries, since they don't have any other way to get things moving. Where there is strong leadership, salaries are treated more objectively and routinely while the leaders are completely focused on the business. Everything they do is intended to create long-term results. They don't feel that they have to prove themselves when they are new to their jobs. What they do is not an act. Sometimes they're gruff because they're concerned and concentrating on the issue at hand, but usually they're charming without even knowing it. They seem genuine, and they talk about the business and what could be improved in a way that inspires. Leaders know that the capabilities of their organization make the difference, not their own idealized scenario. All of their efforts go towards making their organization independent and self-motivated, with initiative, competence and good judgment. With this type of manager, you have not only a good role model but promising opportunities to grow professionally and succeed in your current position. This manager doesn't ask "how are you feeling," but rather "what are you doing?" Your answer makes it easier for your manager to support you, and they can then help you set priorities. An experienced person knows which things are most important to pay attention to in any given situation. My dear daughter, I've seen how you kick every ball that goes by and run up and down the playing field . No wonder you sometimes feel completely exhausted. Make use of your manager! But all of the above only applies to the early stage at a new job, perhaps only your first job. After that you know how to ascend to gain a "helicopter view," look everything over, then dive down into the right issues. Your talent will help you, but your confidence will as well. You will get an overview and then choose what to do: you are leading yourself.

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4 Am I Good Enough?

Why do we women leave ourselves vulnerable to the judgments of others so easily? Why do we try so hard to be good enough according to other people's standards? Is it biological? Did we not have to fight for what we had in ancient times, or were we just supposed to passively wait for someone to come by and pick us up? I don't know the answer, but it's a fact that nearly all women struggle with this question: am I good enough? And then it's not enough that Mom thinks we're good enough or that Dad thinks the same. We need to get to where we think that we are good enough. Only then will we be free to go for it. My dear daughter. You're good enough! Everything you do and have is unique. You are a unique individual, with everything you need to be able to live a rich life. Look around you and investigate your environment. Does it suit you? Check out the current fashions - what suits you? In other words, the issue is not whether you are good enough for the prevailing fashion - the issue is whether the fashion suits you! The same applies to employers. Are they good enough for you? Is it worth it to you to invest in them by starting to work there or staying with them? You are who you are. Take care of yourself. Take care of your body and your appearance. Nurture your soul by reading and improving yourself, and nurture your emotions

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4 Am I Good Enough?

by spending time with people who are genuine. People with whom you have an emotional connection. People who delight in all of them beauty around us. Who breathe the fresh air. "Yes, but-" you might be thinking. "Why is what other people think so important to me?" Clearly you aren't going to give up on this topic so easily. "What can I do to stop being so sensitive?" Presumably you are still completely focused on yourself, on how others perceive you. Try to focus your attention on them instead. What sort of people are they? Why do they give compliments, make pronouncements or judgments or whatever it might be, do you think? It could be that they want to be the center of (your) attention, in which case you don't need to concern yourself. Or it could be that they actually know what they're talking about, in which case they're worth listening to. Allow me to provide some examples. One set of behavior that is especially dictatorial is when an older man says "Good girl." By talking about you that way he is setting himself above you. Or "marvelous" - what do you mean, marvellous? Here it is obviously the case that he wants you to see him, so this compliment doesn't mean anything. You can't take it as an indication that you're doing well. You have to form your own judgment of your job performance. On the other hand, you should lap up compliments such as "what you did there was innovative," or "I learned a lot from what you just did," or "we must build on what you have done." These people clearly were qualified and knowledgeable when they evaluated your job performance.

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5 Is It Really Good Enough?

Results are what counts. Doing the best you could isn't good enough. Young women need to gain entry to professionally healthy environments where they are trusted and given responsibility from day one. I don't believe in long "trainee" programs, I believe in clearly laid out assignments. Receiving a challenge and then succeeding builds confidence. Receiving a challenge and then getting a bit lost also builds confidence if it is handled right. If the young woman learns through this experience to ask for help, and realizes that there are always people to ask if you just dare to ask for help, then her confidence will grow and she will dare to take on new challenges. She has already realized that she is never alone at work. Of course a workplace with measurable objectives is the first job of one's dreams. The young woman receives not only immediate feedback on her own performance, she also gets an equal start. Young men and young women will be judged based on their performance and nothing else. Swallow your pride and ask for help. Your manager needs to know that you've gotten stuck. Your manager expects you to deliver. It's not fair to him/her if you don't warn him/her that you could miss your deadline. Give your manager a chance to help you! Results are what counts, not how diligent you are.

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5 Is It Really Good Enough?

I take walks with the women I'm mentoring in a nearby nature area, and sooner or later it always comes out: "My boss doesn't praise me." "What do you mean?" "He/she never says if what I did was good or not." "Do you ask them?" I say. "No, but it would be nice to receive praise." They tell me about their anguish-is their performance really good enough? They deliver, but then keep wondering: what if it wasn't good enough? These women are so diligent, so accustomed to praise from their mothers, fathers and teachers. Their own confidence is not sufficient. They don't understand that their boss's silence legitimizes their efforts, that their boss is so focused on the results they've achieved that he/she forgets to give credit for them. He/she has already moved along their train of thought. They are looking at new possibilities. I usually tell these women I'm mentoring about my own first experiences. That time I was in the elevator, saw myself in the mirror and said "Yes"- what a wonderful feeling. This was the first time I allowed myself this extravagance. My own self-respect became the most important thing to me. To have the chance to succeed, and to know that I'd succeeded! My results would be visible in the transparent weekly report. And it is certainly devastating to have a boss who says "good" although they don't mean it and they are no longer making eye contact. But to have a boss who stops what they're doing then and there, looks at what has been delivered and honestly says "good job" is a wonderful thing to experience. In that case you have a manager who appreciates what you do and is also able to show it. If you aren't getting feedback, then ask for it. Be brave, ask if the results were in line with expectations-just so you know. Then you'll be "in charge." But in that case you also

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5 Is It Really Good Enough?

have to be receptive even if the feedback indicates that you didn't deliver all that well. Accepting criticism is a difficult art. Perhaps women feel the criticism with their entire being more than men do, as if they were being criticized as people rather than for just a particular behavior or effort, which is more often the case. Everything becomes so dramatic then. Naturally the young woman feels awful and frets over all of the dumb things she's done, when the matter was merely an illustration in a presentation or something else that can be easily fixed. My dear daughter. Listen attentively to criticism. Ask questions so that you truly understand what is being criticized. Don't try to defend yourself, but rather try to understand why this criticism is being directed towards you. Remember that the person criticizing you is brave and well-meaning. Wishes you well and sees your potential. Therefore your critic finds it worthwhile to draw your attention to how you can improve and do things even better: quite simply, become more professional. It's easiest to avoid giving criticism and then perhaps exclude you the next time a similar project comes up. Learning happens primarily by making mistakes. Of course that may sound strange, even sad, but that's life. Success just sails right past you, while mistakes stir up emotions and are thus the best source of growth. But only if you admit that you have made a mistake, been slapdash, not understood, not had the sense to ask or whatever the case may be. And if you can laugh at the whole thing later, at your own clumsy efforts, then you're well on the way to freedom. Not being so self-critical any more. Every time you give a presentation or say something, and don't say silently to yourself "I was so clumsy, that sounded so idiotic," but instead something more like "that really went well," you've built self-confidence.

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5 Is It Really Good Enough?

You also gam balanced professional self-confidence when you notice that your efforts are contributing to the organization's ability to deliver. You know what's expected of you, and now you dare to "put the pedal to the metal" since you have found that you actually know what you're doing. You have the expertise and experience that mean you'll get the job done. You can rely on yourself.

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6 Being A People Pleaser

Perhaps we women are more prone to being people pleasers. We simply want others to like us as people, as well as to like our performance. This makes us extra sensitive to other people's opinions about us. I actually don't know why this is the case. Maybe it depends on old power structures and traditions, or on the fact that we've found the way to get things done, that we are prepared to compromise in oraer to get them done calmly and quietly. Tippe can help us to understand this. She wants to belong to the pack, and therefore she's also extremely charming. She really works to make sure that everyone she meets will like her. It seems as though she's thinking "it's best to form a good relationship, this could be a new pack member." The drive to belong to the pack is strong. The pack gives her security and guarantees her food and protection. Recently I was out walking in the woods with Tippe and her pal Wilma. The dogs played while their mistresses carried on a lively conversation. Wilma's owner tells me that soon she will give a lecture to an extremely demanding group of older women, as well as a few older men. She reflects as she hikes through the yellow maple leaves: "I hope there won't be one of those people who looks at me critically there." "Why, what would happen?" I wonder.

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6 Being A People Pleaser

"Well, then I'll start doing everything to win over the critical person, which will make me lose focus. It becomes sort of unpleasant- harder to give it your all." "You lose your energy," I observe. "Exactly!" says the super-capable young woman. "Do you know what it's like?" "Yes," I say. I tell her that I learned over the years that every time I feel the energy draining away from me, it's because I've become trapped. I am no longer "the master of my world," free and thus with the strength to follow the path I feel is right. Free and strong, with the right interplay of emotions and ~ntellect. When I feel trapped, my rational intellect takes over. My replies are designed to fit in with those around me. My contribution to the diversity of opinion in the group de.finitely disappears. My feeling, intuition, and passion disappear. I conform to others, and I feel uncomfortable. My light goes out, and I only give a fraction of what I have to give. "And when does this happen?" the young woman wonders. "Well, for example if I have to say something in a setting where I don't yet have a platform, where I don't feel confident. Something has disturbed the balance. It could be that someone introduced me in an odd way. But the most common situation is that there is a person or several people who clearly show that they won't let me be a part of the gang. So I understand exactly what you mean!" "So what do you do then?" "I tell myself 'there's one of those damned hags sitting there-who cares what she thinks?' This bit of invective gets me back on track and helps me recover my energy and freedom. I simply master my feelings. I have to, because my emotions are actually telling me 'run away,' but I can't do that. I'm forced to become professional. Afterwards I may reflect on the fact that this woman has her own problems and has found the way to project them on everyone who is outspoken.

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6 Being A People Pleaser

"And," I say so firmly that even Tippe and Wilma look up from their play, "I call them 'old hags' and they come in both genders." My dear daughter, it's natural for you as a woman and a person to want to please other people. This helps you develop a keen sensitivity to other people, but it also makes you vulnerable and upsets your plans. As you go through life you will meet a lot of people-and I mean a lot of people - whose example you definitely should not follow. Clearly your insight and judgment are better than theirs. What they want is to lord it over you for their own benefit. They want you to accommodate them. Professionally, you win nothing by always pleasing your boss. On the other hand, you do win if you realize that you are responsible for performing the role you've been given in the organization. This sometimes requires you to put your foot down and defend your own area of responsibility. Then you will be free and strong, and you will give yourself what you need to be able to deliver. Of course your boss will want you to rearrange your priorities, since he/she possesses more information and knows what the big picture is. Be flexible, but demand to know the new working conditions so that you will once again be "master of your world ." The company will benefit from this, and you will regain your balance and self-respect.

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7 Being The New Person At Work

It's always exciting to have a new employee. Those of us who are already there feel that the company is investing in its people every time a new person joins the team. Naturally we are cautious, but we're also willing to help the new person learn the culture and procedures of the workplace. As the Director of HR for a large multinational industrial enterprise, I established a panel several times where younger employees who were quite new to the company took questions from students. I urged our employees to speak freely, and the company could not have had better ambassadors. They waxed lyrical about everything they had experienced, and batted back the students' sometimes snide questions. People begin to take pride in their company pretty quickly, as fast as they take pride in a new car. We simply want things to be outstanding, to feel that we've made the right choice. If we have the chance to work with others who recently made the choice to join the same company, we feel even more vindicated. My dear daughter. You are such an enthusiastic person. You want to make an impression and put your stamp on things from day one, but bear in mind that the employees who are already there want to get to know you. Initially you are something of a guest. It's expected that you will go on

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7 Being The New Person At Work

the home tour offered by the host or hostess, if you know what I mean. Take it a bit easy. Try to learn the rules of this "home": the prevailing codes and behaviors, and how to get things done. Above all, don't talk about your old job. Now you're one of them, and they are most interested in having you enter their world as quickly as possible. You still have your own frame of reference, which will help you to make a difference and have an impact here as well, but at the outset no one is interested in why you think as you do. The most important thing is for you to feel confident that you and your manager are on the same page concerning your assignment, that you know what resources you have at your disposal and that you gradually understand the context in which you are to operate. If this is not clear, write down your perception of your assignment and ask your manager to go over it with you to see if you are in agreement. Now you should pay close attention: presumably the assignment is more exciting and larger in scope than you understood during the job interview. Or it could be exactly the opposite, in which case you might have a problem. Give it time, but not all the time in the world.

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8 How Do I Pursue A Career?

I've gotten this question so often! It must preoccupy many young women. Pursuing a career has become more important than everything else. Why is this? It's another yardstick to show that I'm good enough. Maybe I'll sit on several corporate boards one day, that seems to be the dream. My dear daughter. The career results from professional growth, the career happens. Your focus must be on professional growth. You have to dare to go for it and affirm your desire to contribute.

Look at Tippe! She doesn't lie around pondering her career as a hunting dog. She devotes herself to the tasks she is given: retrieving, sitting quietly while other dogs are playing, coming to me when I call her. The intensity she displays when she's given a job to do is liberating. She doesn't hesitate, she doesn't pretend to be nonchalant, she doesn't engage in politics. She just does the best she can in every given situation. And she has fun: she loves to deliver! But you have more opportunity to have an impact than Tippe. She didn't get the chance to choose her owner. You have the chance to choose your employer, company, occupation, or whatever it may be. If you want to grow professionally, you should try to get a job with a company that is successful and growing. You'll be needed there, not just

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8 How Do I Pursue A Career?

now but in the future as well. You will have the opportunity to grow with the company. Of course your career depends on the company's needs; the organization's needs are imperative, not your need for professional development. Your employer purchases a service from you, which you must deliver. Your employer purchases more services from you, giving you the chance to grow and pursue a career. Don't listen to people who say "at our company we'll plan for your professional development. You'll be able to take several courses, etc." Ask if the company is growing instead. At a growing company you will be needed now and in the future. You're more likely to be given more important assignments if the organization is growing than if you work at a company with career planning but no growth. But ask about internal mobility as well: there is a risk that you'll get stuck in one specialty at a company with no internal mobility. With greater internal mobility, the chances are greater that you will have the opportunity to work in a greater variety of positions. If you are truly to be able to make a contribution in major high-level positions, you must have a broad range of experience where you have operated in many different settings. You will quite simply be familiar with a lot of the problems and issues that arise, and will thus be able to form your own opinion much faster and with greater certainty. But how do I get chosen, you're probably wondering. It's like everything else: you will be chosen if they want you. You're a person they know they can rely on, you contribute and - last but not least-it's pleasant to deal with you! I think that many managers will smile at the next bit of advice: take it easy! You don't realize how tiresome it is when you constantly worry about your career development. Whatever we say, you don't listen-or rather, you have a hard time understanding and evaluating our advice

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8 How Do I Pursue A Career?

since you don't have the requisite experience. What we say can easily come across as rather abstract. You demand that we do something for you, but it doesn't work like that. You are the only one who can do anything. You'll move ahead when you yourself are ready for it. You don't even know what you want! Getting all worked up disturbs everyone around you. It's just a sign that you still have an endless need for attention. If you can just manage to think "everything will work out," you will be relieved of the career anxiety and you will be able to calm down and concentrate on the work in front of you instead. Suddenly, without even knowing how it happened, you will find yourself with a new job or project. The organization needed you. Perhaps for a position that is a lateral or even a downward move, but in a different department or line of business. The number of managerial positions is not unlimited! Professional development does not mean hopping around between numerous positions. It means genuinely growing, which you accomplish by working and accepting the consequences of your efforts. Professional development means learning to operate in an organization with a large number of people. Different people, with whom you must somehow form relationships. Nor does professional development mean attending a lot of courses. Courses are a good thing, but they are not what gives you experience. You achieve professional development by being exposed to many different problems in many different settings, and working in different positions is an excellent way to gain this experience. But the experience is worthless if you have not left your previous position with greater personal and professional maturity than when you began, and this maturity is gained by accomplishing something and leaving something worthwhile behind.

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8 How Do I Pursue A Career?

You achieve professional development through responsibility. You achieve it by delivering and showing results . You achieve it by failing and then taking a different approach. You achieve it by contributing. The career is then the result. And being a sought-after board member? Yes, this is another thing you have to earn. If you are to be qualified to sit on the board of a publicly listed company, you must have solid operational experience at the executive level of a publicly listed company at the very least, and you don't get there until you've held several positions. If your experience is insufficient, you might not fully respect the CEO role and the operational organization when you are a board member. You quite simply don't have the experience and don't understand the consequences of your efforts.

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9 What Is Professional Life All About?

When I was young, my parents said "Marianne, get a good education so that you can support yourself," and that was many years ago! I'm not so sure this advice is being given today. It's elementary that we have to be able to take responsibility for our own lives, and this begins with supporting oneself. Then come all of the other things like quality of life, personal development, self-fulfillment etc., whatever these fine phrases mean. My dear daughter-you must be able to support yourself. You must strive to become financially independent so that you know you can support not only yourself, but possibly children as well. This may be the most important piece of advice I have to impart to you. But you must also dare to draw your bow so hard that bowstrings break. You must dare to let yourself go and risk losing your balance. Otherwise how will you know who you are, what you are able to do, and what you can tolerate? Dare to say 'Yes' when opportunities present themselves. Your professional life will now be given the greatest possible chance to succeed. Dare to say "I want to try." Don't hesitate to say "I haven't tried this before, but I'd really like to attempt it." From the company's perspective, you are an investment. They invest by hiring you with your limited experience.

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9 What Is Professional Life All About?

Naturally they are expecting a return on this investment, in one form or another. At least to see that you are a person they can count on in the workflow. You are given an assignment, and eventually a responsibility. They are expecting you to deliver, so that the end customer receives what they are expecting and more. You team up with others and contribute. Then you want to do more because you enjoy it. You want to be involved in bigger projects. You move onward, but you must leave something lasting after you, or at the very least a good reputation. "She really contributed while she was here," or "she had so many good ideas, which she made the effort to implement." Or "she was energetic and a realist- a real doer." But how are you to know that these are the sorts of things they might say about you? Ask the people you work with. "What sorts of positive things would you say about me for this project, or this volunteer activity?" This will give you greater insight into yourself, with an emphasis on the positive, and you will receive more energy! Professional life, like life in general, is a matter of finding ourselves. Feeling that we're contributing based on our inborn personality and the skills that we acquire. Feeling that we have the ability, but also facing challenges and difficulties so that we are forced to form deeper insights about ourselves and the world we live in. "How am I going to deal with this?" is a healthy reaction. It is a sign of taking responsibility, not only for ourselves but for our assignment just as much. You must learn to take the responsibility upon yourself, and not wriggle out of it by saying something contemptuous about something you might be able to change. Try to understand what is happening, what the driving force is. Once you properly understand what is happening - then you must assume your responsibility.

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10 To Do Is To Learn!

One of my young mentees told me with a panic-stricken expression that she had not been accepted into an internal training program. I realize that this young woman constantly worried because she was not accepted into all of the activities happening at the company. She had also contacted the HR department several times and expressed her interest in various courses. To her, training was the magic key to success. I tried to get her to concentrate more on her work and what it had to offer, but she continued to worry. She was not focused so much on the learning as on the panic at being excluded. My dear daughter. You don't realize how much you learn by being in your current role. Write down what the situation was like when you started, and make small notes about how the work is proceeding. After a year you'll realize what an incredible amount you've learned, and how much you have mastered and know how to do. Try to get into situations where you learn more. If someone offers you the opportunity to join a project, don't start pondering what you know how to do; focus instead on the opportunity you now have to learn. Dare to say "yes." Now you've given yourself the opportunity to learn more and to grow professionally.

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10 To Do Is To Learn!

But learning is not just a matter of knowing the system. Learning becomes so much more valuable if you stay in your position and live with the consequences of the system that is now in place. In other words, learning things superficially is not enough; experiencing consequences in depth is the important thing. What do you do when things go wrong? What happens to you when some of the staff stop using the system, or whatever the issue is? We gain real experience when our emotions become involved, when we become nervous, anxious, upset etc. Only then do we understand how things work and fall in place- not just in theory, but in reality.

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11 Are You On The Team?

The basis for everything is simple- we work so that we can support ourselves, this is a fact. But since we have to work anyway, why not strive to make your job as enriching as possible? And in this case I don't mean in terms of money, but in quality of life. To work where we feel that we are accomplishing something important, where we are taken seriously and where we grow as people. This is something to strive for. You will be part of the game if they want you on the team. That's all there is to it. Your education is not what determines whether you are allowed to participate in experiences that provide professional growth. Naturally education should not be neglected-it is extremely important. At university you learn from other people's experiences, conclusions, successes and mistakes. Your education is something that you can always go back to and draw conclusions from, but it is not what determines whether you will then succeed; this is determined by your attitude and how you respond to things. The knowledge gets around very quickly if you are a person who is easy to work with, if you are a person who can be relied on because you're honest. You keep promises and warn others as soon as you risk lagging behind. You are easy to deal with. You say what you mean, and you dare to put your foot down, which means

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11 Are You On The Team?

that you take responsibility. People know what to expect from you, which leaves your manager reassured and able to work in peace. For your part, you make sure to get what you need by asking well-informed questions, thinking through the consequences and providing your opinion. If it is difficult to get your manager's attention, I have a special tip: make them a bit nervous. Show that you're concerned about something that affects the organization. Worried managers always give you their attention - but only use this tactic when forced by necessity! I was able to get control under way in the HR department by making managers nervous about the prevailing structures at our companies in local markets around the world. Once we were able to present graphs on the age distribution of our personnel, everyone understood that we were living dangerously. A coming generational shift would erase all of the knowledge that had been built up. Everyone understood that we needed to address this issue immediately. Try to understand the available career paths at your company. The best way is to ask managers about their previous positions at the company. They will love to tell you about their own careers, and this will enable you to put the puzzle pieces together. Later on, when you are asked "what would you like to do at the company" at a performance review, you'll have a clear answer. You will be quite surprised - now everyone will be interested in you! Here is a woman with ambition!

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12 Don't Be Naive

As a woman, it's easy to allow oneself to be treated as "the weaker sex." Your male boss asks "How are you doing?" He's showing consideration, that he cares about you, he has daughters himself, he knows that women are more emotional. Perhaps he thinks they are more delicate. My dear daughter. Tell him "I'm fine thanks, the project is going as expected, but I need one more staff member." That's actually the answer he wants, but it's difficult for him to find the right tone. Never answer emotionally, as in "I'm really nervous because I'm not going to make the deadline." Gradually, as the conversation progresses and your manager is reassured that you know what you're doing, you can admit that the situation is quite stressful. I think that the advice above applies whether your manager is a man or a woman. Managers primarily want results-not to take care of you. Mothers, on the other hand, have other priorities: they want to know how you're doing. However, it is wise to ask for help and give a heads-up early on if you are in a situation you can't completely deal with, that you need guidance and good advice. That you'd be happy to have advice about setting priorities, which is easy for a more experienced person, or that you need more resources or more time. Notify your manager about

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12 Don't Be Naive

the situation early on. Don't wait in the hope that you'll be able to handle it yourself and not need to ask for help. Remember that this is not about you, but about the results, the total results. Unfortunately the female trap is to try to do everything oneself- don't do this. Focus on the results, because at the end of the day results are what counts. But you need to keep the ball in your court. This is your project. Don't put the responsibility in your boss's lap by emotionally saying "I can't get through this" and nothing more, because what's your boss supposed to do about it? You must have a suggestion for what should be done, how your manager can help you. Otherwise your manager will conclude: "you can't give her anything, you just get back an unfinished assignment with lots of loose ends." Describe how you looked at multiple options, but concluded that this particular option is your recommendation. There is a risk that you want to be so diligent that you forget that the company is made up of a multitude of people, employees with experience and a willingness to help. Use these people! Perhaps this was my strong suit as an executive at a major industrial firm . I was definitely sure that there were always people who knew more than I did-and I asked them for advice! I felt confident enough to take things on because I knew that I would always find people who wanted to help.

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13 Don't Be Judgmental

Some young women have a tendency to be aggressively judgmental. They seem so cocksure when they spit out a condescending judgment. I believe I had those tendencies myself when I was in upper secondary school. Perhaps this was an indirect way to express one's own position. My dear daughter. You should display tolerance even when you're young, and especially towards people with more experience than you. What do you know about their lives and situations? Your manager may do unexpected things or say something ill-considered, but don't be so quick to judge-as if you were always perfect yourself. Try to understand what is behind this behavior. This will also help you carve out more room to make mistakes yourself. You'll become known as a person who is understanding and helpful. At an equal workplace we display empathy. We don't require perfect behavior. We even appreciate that everyone shows their human side, even if it's a drawback at the moment. Results are what counts. There are so many ways to go about a project or work assignment. It's more exciting and broadening if we tolerate different behaviors. On the other hand we should not be tolerant about improper attitudes: attitudes that are negative and counterproductive, such as "I am superior to all the rest of you." This

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13 Don't Be Judgmental

is an extremely selfish attitude that probably stems from insecurity. It's so easy to be critical about the way the company is run. Don't spend your energy climbing into the stands and then jeer from up there. You are in fact one of the players in which case your place is on the field, and on the field you're part of the team and you are responsible for the results that are delivered. Spend your energy on understanding what is being done right and what is wrong. An excessively questioning attitude becomes tiresome for the people around you. There is a risk that you'll encounter opposition, or that people will simply turn their backs on you so that you don't accomplish anything. With a more humble attitude you see more, discern the complexity of the situation and understand how the situation or problem can be resolved. This is how you grow!

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14 Dare To Command Respect

This is a difficult topic. Women who command respect easily gain a reputation for being difficult. It seems as though men can't tolerate listening to a female voice as long as to a male voice. To me, commanding respect means giving yourself the greatest possible prospects to succeed. With this attitude, "commanding respect" is a sound strategy. Several times I've met young women who have been well prepared, had very good understanding and ambition, but then ruined their prospects by rushing through things. They didn't dare to let time stand still and allow calm to prevail. I've struggled with this tendency a great deal myself. I've rushed things in order not to take up too much time, leading to criticism for being slapdash. It's not easy! When you speak before a group or to your boss, you should be able to truly feel that what you say will be understood correctly. It's hard: the group may seem uninterested, or your manager may be looking at everything but you. Speak even more slowly. You're the one who decides how fast to speak, since you know that what you're going to say is important. Or ask your manager if the two of you should discuss this later. I remember one time when I visited the Stockholm Chamber of Commerce and spoke to a group of extremely professional young women in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties.

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14 Dare To Command Respect

One of the women explains how difficult she finds it to stand up before of a group of men. How difficult it is to get her male colleagues to respond to what she is saying. I say that I've been in this situation. I know how it feels, how difficult it can be. I learned to provoke the herd of men. I directed a specific question to one of them when I was giving a speech, which forced them to get involved. "So you do this by attacking," she says. Yes, attacking is the best method - pluck up your courage! Assume leadership, and leadership means involvement. Make your coworkers an active part of the thought process, listen as you go and moderate what you are saying accordingly. You are the speaker, so allow them into the process but don't lose control of it. And then there are women who demand attention by being fond of the limelight. Men like this and allow them to have their way - as long as they're young, that is. But that's not what I mean. My advice is only for how to succeed professionally, how you can contribute by achieving results and growth. My dear daughter, you are so quick on the uptake, and you've heard what a good thing that is. You know so well that you can handle most things. You allow others to take the attention available because you know that you will still manage. "Well that's all right then," you say. No, it's not right. You will manage, but you must command the respect you are entitled to in order to really do well. You have to give yourself and your team the best possible prospects for success. Why let others who are weaker take precedence? Why show so much consideration? "Yes, but I just want to be nice," you say. No, that's not being nice, it's fear of commanding the respect you're entitled to.

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15 Stand Up For Yourself

Gifted, capable women are used to always accomplishing what needs to be done. They don't need the perfect conditions, they are able to get things done anyway and they adapt easily to the situation. They have a pronounced tendency to allow "weaker" colleagues to take precedence, to show consideration to those who seem to have greater needs. They wouldn't dream of competing with powerful people who enter the playing field . They depend on their flexibility and ability to get things done. You have to stand up for yourself, and make sure that you get the time and the respect that you are entitled to. You are important, and what you have to do is also important-at least as important as the things the others are hollering about. If someone asks "do you need all of your time or can I give some of it to Peter," say "I need my time." I remember a young woman who told me about the way she was treated by the older women. They called her "dearie." At first I didn't think this was so bad and the other women probably didn't think so either, but when I saw her indignation I reconsidered. Here we have a young woman who has devoted several years to an academic degree. She has now entered the working world and expects to be treated with respect, which she clearly was not. "Dearie" is not a respectful form of address.

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15 Stand Up For Yourself

We kicked around ideas for how she could put her foot down without destroying relationships, and we arrived at the only proper course of action: to just straight out say "call me Tina ." But above all, she should say this very seriously, with a steady gaze. She did, and she has been addressed by her name ever since. My dear daughter. Never accept discriminatory language. You are always equal as a human being. Practice saying "yes" or "no," and remember that there are multiple ways to say no. Saying no by saying "sure, but not until I've finished what I'm doing here," is a much more positive way of showing that you're happy to help, but not this very minute because it's not convenient. You don't need to explain your reasons. The burden of proof doesn't always rest on you. You have the right to express your preferences. Above all, don't lie if you are in a difficult situation. Tell it like it is, but you don't need to explain yourself. Be brief, but tell the truth. Standing up for yourself also means that you must treat yourself with respect. If you've said you're going to do something, you can't let it fall between the cracks. There is a risk that you'll stop trusting youself, causing you to stop taking yourself seriously. Don't promise too many things in order to please others, only promise what you know you can deliver. It's fun to dream about the ideal scenario, but remember that every time you subsequently don't live up to your own dreams, you'll lose a bit of respect for yourself.

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16 Assert Your Position

If you have an assignment, it's also important to assert your position and your own opinions on an issue. This is not presumptuous, in fact it's your duty. It's expected of you. I can recall many occasions during my professional life when I have failed to do this. I've sat in a meeting and thought of something that I wanted to say, something that was highly relevant to what we were discussing. Instead of just saying it, either straight out or by getting the attention of the meeting chair, I waited. I wrote down my opinion on a piece of paper, but then I slowed down. Someone is saying something similar right now, I thought. Or, let me wait, what I have to say isn't relevant just now in this discussion. And then the meeting was over. Every time, I've been frustrated afterward that I wasn't able to state my opinions, that I wasn't able to assert myself. This saps your energy and leads to exhaustion. My dear daughter. If you are invited to a meeting, you are also expected to contribute. It's important for you to express your opinions on various issues. Just take a deep breath and do it. Don't be afraid that others have already expressed this opinion, it's important for the others to hear what you think. You can even repeat what someone else has said, or take the initiative by summarizing what has been said so far. Men do this.

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16 Assert Your Position

It's easy to become passive when the discussion is rolling along, but this easily results in feeling left out which is an extremely negative feeling that saps your energy. You have to break into the discussion to be part of it and to be one of the people making a contribution, to feel the energy and collegiality. And don't forget, if you remain silent during the discussion you'll be expected to stand behind what was said. Never allow others around you to misunderstand you. You have your position because you're expected to do something with it. Thus, you enter the game by virtue of your position or role. This is the basis of every structure: to allow different people the opportunity to contribute in the right way. You also speak up frequently because you're speaking for your entire office or department. You're standing up for them. If you are in charge, your duties include giving your office or department the best possible chance within the total organization.

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17 How Do I Get A Hearing?

There's a shortage of available attention in all organizations, and it's hard to gain a hearing for your own issues. Presenting them logically is not enough. You have to set the agenda by making your issue relevant, so relevant that people with more influence than you have become interested. The ironic thing is that only the capable, committed people wrestle with this - all of you who want to contribute and to grow. This is not a problem for time-servers and people who've had everything handed to them. They are not devoted to the business, but rather to their own careers and/or convenience. You are not a loafer who has had everything handed to you! You are committed and have issues you are passionate about. Yet no doubt you find that's it's difficult to get a hearing for your issues, because they require something: money, resources or taking a stance. This is when you are tested as a leader! Do you have the ability to get others on your side without the power provided by a managerial position? You need to increase your understanding of the situation as well as your knowledge of the consequences for the others. Simply put, you must develop your strategy: what you will say, and perhaps most importantly when and to whom. Timing is everything!

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17 How Do I Get A Hearing?

I used to simplify things. Instead of going through an issue in a comprehensive, sophisticated way, I created an extremely simple version, so simple that even a child could immediately understand the point of it all. Bear in mind that you've been working on this issue for weeks and you've looked at it from every angle, yet you expect higher-level managers to immediately understand and even see all of the advantages on their own. Make it simple, and point out to them what is important. This was how I developed my simple way of putting things, which is why I often got the feedback "but Marianne, this is just common sense." Exactly. Business is not so complicated, but we humans tend to complicate it. We can actually summarize this business in three sentences: it's important to continually deliver products that exceed customers' expectations; it's important to have things in order; and its important to be decent in everything you do. Sometimes using simple language was not enough. I wasn't given any time. In that case I kicked into a higher gear by arousing concern. "We're starting to lose younger employees," I might say with a certain sense of drama, when I wanted to draw attention to the generational issue. This approach was needed since personnel issues are longterm issues that run the risk of fading into the background in the quarterly reporting era. As a consultant I developed my own way of addressing the customer, my own concepts. When I knew that they worked I could share them with the entire organization, and there was no one who pointed out that I had actually willfully gone outside the box. The concept was incorporated and it became a "non-issue." My dear daughter. Use your imagination! There is nothing that says you must behave in exactly such-and-such

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17 How Do I Get A Hearing?

a way. Be an authentic human being, and you'll get the organization on board. And believe me, even if numbers talk, everything is about emotions anyway.

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18 Here And Now Is What Matters

Look at Tippe. She lives intensely in the moment. She gains experience. She doesn't dream about the future or brood about what happened in the past. If I correct her sharply because she's pulling on the leash, she droops her head for a few seconds but then she's happy again, and actually proud that now she's not pulling on the leash. My dear daughter. Forget everything you hear about how you need to plan your life. Why should we do that? What do we know about the future? It's best to be prepared to seize opportunities when they arise, to manage our lives so skillfully that we can immediately judge whether an opportunity is a good fit with our lives and our objectives or v1s1on. We can only create visions by truly understanding the situation at hand, in all its depth, breath and height. What could be better, different? What would be the dream, the ultimate to deliver as part of the assignment you've now been given? Because visions aren't fantasies about the future, they are dreams of change at the current moment. What I'm trying to say is that it's important to concentrate on what is important right now, without losing your sense of the big picture. It's important to truly understand all of the dimensions in which the present time can be described. True dedication means drilling down and

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18 Here And Now Is What Matters

wanting to know more and more. Being truly capable means being able to continually switch between micro and macro perspectives. This naturally calls to mind a legendary manager at a global company, a Dutchman who tragically died far too young. His distinguishing characteristic was the desire to truly understand all the causes of a situation. Once he understood the facts, he was the first to see what could be done. The more he drilled down into the current moment, the more pragmatic ideas he had. "Sell, sell, sell" was one of his notorious pronouncements. He loved to instruct others, not about abstract concepts but the reality he himself had experienced. And when we took a break for coffee, he was the first to walk around and pick up all of the empty glasses and other rubbish. The next lecture would have a clean start. If we tend to get bogged down in details and do not intuitively think through consequences, then we should not take on a managerial role. In that case there are specialist positions where we can perform at our best. But if we intuitively know where we fit into a larger context, if we intuitively feel when it's the right time for the next step, then we have leadership qualities. Tippe knows: she recently decided that she was ready to jump onto the kitchen table from the matching kitchen bench where she is allowed to lie. Oh well, she misjudged the situation because down she went.

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19 Can You Lead Yourself?

My dear daughter, everything begins with being able to rely upon yourself: knowing that you'll do what you've decided to do. You know that you are genuinely interested in how things are, and not just in how they should be. How things should be - this usually comes from the people "in the stands." This is the time for important questions about how to get to know yourself: how do you move ahead? What are you actually achieving, and how? What attitude do you take when push comes to shove? Do you contribute to growth and results, or are you on the outside? Do you do what YOU want to do, or do your friends easily lead you down another path? Get together w ith some of your female friends to discuss this topic, and you'll get a much better feeling for which professional path suits you best. Tell your friends in detai l how you have thought and acted in various situations. Allow the others to react to this "confession." Try to see the different ways you've all tackled situations. Draw conclusions and test hypotheses. This could be a very fruitful get-together! Of course it's important to find where you fit into the professional world. What works for me as a person, my attitude and my values? That is where you should be.

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19 Can You Lead Yourself?

Not in a position you've obtained with the aid of political and tactical maneuvering, because it's the most trendy position at the moment. You'll never feel truly at home there, nor will you be able to do a really good job because you won't be present with your entire self. I know that your potential is much greater than you know. You can also overcome much greater challenges than those you've already been through, but you have to rely on yourself. You can't shirk when it matters. Look at my dog Tippe again. Despite the biting wind and the fact that she has run many miles back and forth across the mountain, she stands -firmly and points to where the covey of grouse is hiding. She doesn't move until she hears me command "Go" to flush the birds. And I don't give that command until I've caught up with her and I'm standing ready with the gun. I say "Go," and Tippe rushes straight into the dwarf birches. The grouse explode upwards and then fly against the wind. I choose one grouse from the covey of eight. My hunting partner, the dog, is over there. "Bang" and the shot flies off. It's a hit and the grouse falls to earth. Tippe sits still, waiting. I go up to her, make eye contact and say "fetch." She heads off and soon returns with the grouse in her mouth. She sits on my left, and I can take the grouse from her mouth by using the "give" command. Relying on yourself means not quitting just because things are tough right now. What were you assuming? OK, it's possible to change things, but in that case you must be well aware of why you're doing so and what will be done instead. What is your objective now? Just like Tippe, you must give yourself an honest chance to recover - just to be, just to rest. Forget all of the "must do's," settle yourself comfortably and just feel your body and your breathing, nothing more. Allow time to go by.

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19 Can You Lead Yourself'

When Tippe has delivered an excellent performance, she rests afterward. Nothing bothers her. If I go out and return an hour later, she just opens one eye to see if I'm indeed home. My dear daughter. Your efficiency is admirable, but not everything needs to happen here and now. The higher your job is on the ladder, the more important it is not to just buckle down but to rein in your emotions so that you remain "master of your world." If you are passionate about your work, it's especially important to be able to set boundaries for how much you take on and how much you get involved in. Above all, don't just rush into a bunch of decisions, that's the easy part. Let the matter rest until the time is ripe. The decisions you are going to make should have a strategic focus, they should be complex and you should be sure that they help the organization achieve results and growth. Leading yourself means that consciously setting priorities and not rushing to issue a bunch of decisions and opinions. You know which balls are important and you play them properly until they land in the goal. Your judgment is always what counts. Don't let yourself be forced into approaches that don't feel right to you. Just wait, and the wind will soon blow in the right direction again. But keep an open mind as well - you could be wrong after all! If you have an operations manager who likes to run onto your field and start dribbling the ball, wait to enter the game until you see your role.

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20 Social Ability

Social ability has become a fashionable quality. But what does this mean? Extroverts are often called socially competent people. They are pleasant and likable, and they give energy to others. Their ability to communicate and cooperate does not necessarily have to be advanced. Women are ordinarily considered more expert at social relations, but if we scratch the surface of these women we find that some of them are mostly afraid of silence. As I see it, a person with social ability can use language as the tool that it is, but they are also able to interpret what lies behind the words and to perceive the situation accurately. When they speak, they do so to communicate: to influence, explain, understand better or quite simply to reach agreement. When they are speaking to a group, they immediately find the right tone and attentively respond to the group's questions. When they are speaking with someone about a specific topic, they instinctively feel when they must take their line of reasoning further in order to explain everything. One thing that is distinctive about them is that the person or people with whom they are communicating feel at ease and comfortable advancing their line of reasoning. When the conversation is over, the social adept has successfully imparted their message or understood the

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20 Social Ability

situation. The atmosphere is pleasant and everyone feels quite at ease. Everyone has the same perception and respect for one another's opinions, but they don't necessarily agree. To me a person with social ability is also a person who respects other people, someone who was raised to be decent in their relationships with others. This person is interested in other people and it is easy for them to interpret body language, intentions and emotional involvement. They have a rich emotional life and they communicate freely on an intellectual level. Other distinguishing characteristics are openness and imagination. The person is naturally charming since they have such a presence. He or she has a good sense of timing and therefore brings up the discussion at the right time. This person also shows respect by dressing appropriately. They don't need to provoke others. I'm glad that you made friends early on and that you've kept them. I'm glad that you communicate not just digitally, but eye to eye. I'm glad that you're courageous and that you dare to bring up difficult topics directly with others . I become concerned if I hear that you'd rather send an SMS than contact a person directly when the issue is an unpleasant one. I become concerned if I hear that you'd rather send an email than pop in to have a word with your coworker in the office next to yours when you are critical of something. And I become concerned when I suspect that you don't always have a feeling for the other person's human reaction and that you are offending them unnecessarily, especially when you're in a hurry. My dear daughter. The important thing is not to get things said, it's to achieve something with your communication. The important thing is not to give a nice presentation with lovely images, it's that you moved the people in the room in the right direction, that you got a discussion going.

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20 Social Ability

The first time I was to speak before a board of directors, I was naturally extremely nervous. Halfway through my talk I was interrupted by numerous comments and there was barely any time left for me to finish my remarks. I left the room feeling like a failure. Later I heard that they thought my talk went well, and it had inspired them to hold a useful discussion. That was when I understood that the important factor there was not me, it was the board. The most distinctive train of a socially expert person is that they see to it that everyone is included. If this person is standing in a circle that has formed around their manager and a new person approaches, the socially aware person is the first to invite the new person into the circle. "And how do they do that?" you may wonder. By taking a step to the side and simply saying "we're discussing Peter's presentation," or whatever it is they're discussing. And one more thing: if someone there does not speak your language, it's important to speak English all the time. A person with social ability realizes this immediately.

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21 Vision-Driven Leadership

Vision-driven leadership is not based on fantasies about the future. It's not empty drivel and grand words. It originates from an in-depth understanding of the present moment: the business, the market, the organization as they are now. By properly grasping the current situation, the leader sees an image of how they want things to be NOW. Vision is a future image of how I would like the business to work right now. It's only by understanding the present moment that I can see opportunities. Once again, understanding of the present moment in all of its dimensions is the most important thing. With this insight, strategy work becomes realistic. How do we make changes in the present moment? Successful businesspeople do not have detailed plans extending into the future, but rather numerous activities that gradually bring change to the business. A skilled businessperson is "switched on," and thus able to continually respond to market fluctuations. The organization is extremely flexible, there is a high level of internal mobility and everyone knows that everything can be done in a different way. Everyone knows their jobs and they support and help one another to reach their shared final result. Different jobs, different salaries, the same va lue. No one is sitting on their high horse. The leader is able to make the right decisions thanks to their internal vision. This vision is their compass.

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21 Vision-Driven Leadership

I believe that I am a visionary. The global, open internal labor market that I introduced at a major global industrial firm as early as 1995 was visionary. It was groundbreaking. It was based on prevailing circumstances. Since I had the vision it was easy for me to respond to the questions that I received, while it was more difficult for the employees who were now tasked with driving the process. A personnel officer from one of our business areas came to me and explained that one of the managers working under him had said "Let's take the process away from the top executive managers." One of my employees thought that this manager had the right idea. He said "Marianne, there aren't actually that many candidates when we recruit internally for top executive positions. Surely we can keep track of them?" His statement made me realize that he still didn't understand the culture we wanted to create. He viewed the entire thing as an administrative problem. "Sure we can," I said, "but then we're missing the entire point." The process of defining the job, the way the search is performed, the entire selection process that candidates undergo and that enables them to gradually find out whether this challenge is the right one for them. The sense of readiness this creates, and then the excitement that comes when you get the job. The openness and the signal it sends. At this company EVERYONE has a chance- what a company, I want to stay on here! I realized that I had fallen short as a leader: I hadn't been able to convey my vision so that the other personnel officers bought into it emotionally and "owned" it. My dear daughter, a guiding vision originates from an in-depth understanding of the conditions under which the business operates. To drive progress ahead step by step, with an image of where you are now and where you are going, is such a joy. It gives energy, both to you and to others nearby.

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21 Vision-Driven Leadership

Once you know what you want, you just have to dare to do it. You'll solve problems as they come up. "But how did you finally get that personnel officer to understand ," you are wondering. I simply had to take one step back. I organized various workshops with personnel officers where they had the chance to help develop the concept, so that they felt that it was also their "baby." And if the truth be told, the concept was much improved by these workshops!

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22 The Benefit Of Being A Manager

Being given a managerial role means that you have achieved a position of power, and you must use it. It gives you the opportunity to drive growth and achieve results. It gives you additional chances to realize your own dreams. It gives you the opportunity to be part of a larger whole at the strategic level, and to implement your own values and your own approach. My dear daughter. When you have gotten a managerial job, the most important thing is to make sure that you have understood your task. What is expected of you? Next you have to start right where you are in order to find out the resources available to you. How is the business organized? How do the flows work? How well does the product match the customer need? How strong is the company financially? The structure, processes and employee skills determine how you can achieve results and drive growth. Get a good idea of these things and consult with your manager to get their buy-in. Then it's just a matter of rolling up your sleeves. But you're not the one who will do the work, your role is to facilitate the work of others. It's important to bring about an efficient business with its own steerageway. Decisions should be made where the problem arises. You should become more and more dispensable.

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22 The Benefit Of Being A Manager

My dear daughter. Don't believe that as a manager you can be buddies with your staff. The managerial role is a lonely one. By virtue of being a manager, you have the ability to hire and fire your own employees, but you can never forget that your employees also have the ability to leave you for other exciting job assignments so there is a balance. You must uphold and respect this balance. Your job is to ensure direction and efficiency of implementation based on your assignment, but you must uphold decency in relationships as well. You must never become addicted to political behavior. What you do for one employee you must do for all of them. What you do for a customer or other stakeholder must also apply to others. The more transparent you are and the more long-term your approach, the more respect you will inspire. During my time as a management consultant, I was able to get in touch with the feelings that tortured me when I was behind on my sales budget. They could keep me awake at night. I've always had tremendous respect for the operational business since then. It's so easy to point out everything that's not working and that employees are behind on their sales budget. They know that they're behind, and they are probably also lying awake at night. As a newcomer to the headquarters of a global industrial firm, I also had to learn to respect the operations side. I rea lized how easy it was to have "clever ideas," and I knew how hard it was to bring them about. As a manager, you should be careful about poking your nose into operations; people need to feel you trust them and be able to work in peace. Especially in these times of comprehensive reporting, it's so easy to get the upper hand through the numbers. High-level managers who should actually be controllers can be quite tiresome when they always try to understand why the numbers are the way they are. When the numbers

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22 The Benefit Of Being A Manager

always rule, the reasoning becomes qu ite tedious and a lot of potential opportunities are missed. Wise female leadership is long-term and inspires respect. It involves consideration, but it allows creativity as well. It is based on trust in employees' ability to act independently and judiciously. The result is an organization with a great deal of energy and joy. The woman at this level no longer needs to prove herself. Now she is focused solely on seeing others grow and take the initiative. She makes sure the structure is well-defined, the strategy is right and customers are more than satisfied.

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23 Do You Have Leadership Qualities?

It appears you can lead yourself, but can you lead others? Are you perceived as a leader? Are you someone that people want to follow? Allow me to give you a few "tests." All leadership comes from a leader's ability to get their employees to share their commitment. How is this achieved? How do you get your people to share your vision and want to work together to reach it? Having a vision and a strategy is not enough . The most important thing is a focus on the thought "How do we get this done?" Down-to -earth and pragmatic. The focus should be "out there," on the people you are to lead, not on yourself. Test yourself: someone is telling you something. Do you listen with an open mind to what is being said, and how it is said, or are you one of those people who only sees their own reflection? The "mirror" type is clearly inspired by listening, and can hardly wait until the other person has finished speaking before she takes over and talks about what she's interested in. She has a lot of imagination, and she sees herself in other people's stories and draws conclusions based on herself. She isn't genuinely curious about what is being said, she is more inspired by her own thoughts . No doubt you've encountered her. You've candidly presented thoughts and ideas several times, but you gradually stopped doing this. You don't get any help with your own

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23 Do You Have Leadership Qualities'

thinking. It's insulting. The "mirror" type doesn't show you any respect. When you are speaking, her expression is empty or even disdainful. And of course "she" may just as likely be a man. Personally, I've had differing encounters with these types of people. Sometimes I get addicted to giving them attention. I say things that inspire them. It's exhausting. I support them and they take up all of the space. They can be charming, but be on your guard, you won't thrive in their vicinity. Do you have the ability to listen, to ask questions in order to understand better, in order to make your line of reasoning broader and deeper? Are you genuinely interested in what the other person is saying and why? Then you have one of the qualities needed in a leader. But if you constantly want to refer to yourself and draw attention to yourself, you might perhaps be able to lead quick activities but not sustainable results and growth. Another test of your level of empathy and your genuine interest in facilitating things for others is how you say your telephone number when you leave a message. Fast and briskly, twice, or slowly and clearly, t-o-o c-1-e-a-r-l-y. I believe you understand the point of this test. A third test is your ability to draw a distinction between an issue and the person. Do you belong to the type that quickly condemns the entire person if they have an opinion you don't care for? We exhibit this tendency in Sweden, as though we don't want to have an open discussion with differing opinions . This should otherwise be a typical trait for countries that are in favor of diversity. My dear daughter. You are strong and confident. Stand up for your opinion, and allow other people to do so as well. All leadership comes from respect for people, and curiosity when confronted with different opinions.

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Network And Cooperate With Other Women

On Sunday October 25, 2009, I open up the Swedish daily newspaper Svenska Dagbladet. I see a picture that's different. Two women speaking with one another -intensely. One is Sweden's Queen Silvia and the other the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama. They're sitting in the White House. Their chairs are turned to face the photographers, as is customary, and there is a small table between them. What is so different about this picture? Their posture. We've seen any number of men in these chairs, in front of these photographers. The men are usually shaking hands in an unnatural pose across the table, but above all they're always smiling at the cameras. The women in the picture appear to have forgotten that the room is full of photographers. They are engaged in an intense conversation. Queen Silvia is saying something, and Michelle Obama is listening attentively. Imagine if we women always showed one another this respect and generosity, but that's not the case. Village communities had the ability to cooperate and help one another. We were quite simply dependent on one another. Today many aid projects target women in villages in India and other countries. This is a successful strategy. The women are united in their common care for children

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24 Network And Cooperate With Other Women

and supporting their families. But it's not always this way in professional life: we hear far too often that women have a hard time cooperating. Is it possible that we women are not capable of competing fairly? Did we play ugly tricks in the competition for men throughout history? Did we not feel secure with them? Did we know that if they left us it would be a disaster not just for us, but above all for the children? The reader is free to speculate here as I have done. One thing I do know: the ability to cooperate with other women is absolutely necessary to reach the higher positions in the working world. We simply need other women in order to grow to our full potential. We need female role models, colleagues and coworkers, and we grow even more if we have the privilege of mentoring younger women. It is namely in other women, of all generations, that we find ourselves. When I was young I was one of the founding members of a networking group. We were all degree professionals who worked full -time and had young children. We took turns gathering at someone's home around a simple meal. We invited older successful women to our meetings in order to have good role models. They told us about their careers and accomplishments. They were wonderful evenings-although marred by our own insecurity, alas. We all took care to dress nicely, show off our neat homes and ask the most interesting questions to the women we'd invited. Nevertheless, these evenings were quite wonderful anyway thanks to the older women's wisdom. Imagine having the chance to sit down with Professor Nanna Schwartz, Sweden's first female professor of medicine, to hear her story and see how she dressed, including the famous black velvet ribbon. She always wore a black suit and a white

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blouse with a round collar fastened with a black velvet rib bon bowtie. But above all, imagine having the chance to listen to her relate how she reached the post of professor and how she managed her life along the way. There are women who attach importance to the fact that they are the only women in male-dominated firms. They clearly enjoy it. They enjoy their princess roles. When another woman joins the gang, they do nothing to help her. In their eyes, she is a threat to their visible role as the only woman. They've forgotten what it was like when they were the new ones, how left out they felt. My dear daughter. Remember to help other women join the team, especially when men are in the majority. You can support one another. You'll gain more importance in the group by showing "sisterhood." You can listen to and silently support each other. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to agree with each other, it's more a matter of finding the courage to claim your place, to calmly state what you have to say. Don't be afraid to have differing opinions either, even if some men's expressions seem to say "yup, women can never get along with each other." That's their problem! Ah, so you've heard the opposite: "see, women are always going to gang up against the others." So you see, if the men are insecure it doesn't matter what we do, there will be some type of criticism anyway. I remember one woman who was a fairly new employee at one of the companies where I worked. She told me how she had stood in the shower that morning and mentally practiced commanding respect, in order to do the greatest justice to what she had to say at a meeting later that day. Afterwards she told me that what had really given her the power was being able to confide her "plan" to another woman, i.e. me, before the meeting.

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24 Network And Cooperate With Other Women

My dear daughter. Cooperate with other women rather than competing with them. If one does well there's a much greater chance that more of you will as well. Don't miss the chance to advocate for your "sisters." Be generous and say "Of course we'll complete the project on time, Annika is the project manager and she's incredibly capable." Search your memory: when was the last time you said something really positive about another woman? And when was the last time you said something negative about another woman, hmm? I'm sure you know what I mean. And it's never too late to change, my dear.

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25 Future Expectations

As a young person, naturally you have expectations of life. Dreams are actually the same as expectations. They help you get through your studies and job applications. You become happier by living with an eye on the future. Dreams make you happier than the present is able to. You have a strong imagination and a good ability to imagine your future . I suppose Tippe doesn't have this ability. She finds joy in the current moment. She loves her toys. When I am sitting and writing, she comes to me now and then and happily shows me something. She jumps up and puts her paws in front of the computer. She has a stuffed elephant toy in her mouth. When we're about to go for a walk, she sits so that I can put on her leash, but then she jumps up on me ecstatically. "You really have to keep her from jumping," someone told me recently. Jumping on a person is considered dis obedience. Therefore Tippe has had to learn to sit when she greets other people. But she is allowed to jump on me as often and as high as she wants. But you, my dear daughter, you have the ability to form high expectations . It's easy to lose yourself in dreams encouraged by the media. Don't deceive yourself with these dreams. If you want to relax and escape, read good novels.

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25 Future Expectations

But your own life, that is the reality. The more you understand of this reality, the more you will see the possibilities and the more you will see the funny side and experience joy. Have you seen any of French director Jacques Tati's old movies? They allow us to see the comic side of what is around us and to realize that everything happening right now, that is life. After many years I've reached the conclusion that life must be lived without expectations, with the highest possible quality, and with decency and responsibility on my part. Everything that happens, and that is a lot, will include happy surprises or difficult challenges. Life is in fact this journey, as so many people have said. It's important to be prepared by going along on the journey and being able to seize opportunities as they arise. Expectations also have a negative side, namely anxiety. I'm afraid that you're frequently anxious. I can feel anxious as well: what is going to happen to me when I begin to grow old? When I feel this anxiety I extend my hand and grasp it, as if it were a ball floating in the air. I pull it to my heart and then I say "but Marianne, right now everything is fine. Look around you and search your heart. Why shouldn't things be fine in the future? The truth is that we don't have any idea what will happen in the future, so why worry?" My dear daughter. Expectations and anxiety are two sides of the same coin. Both entice you to let go of the reality you are living in now. Take control over your expectations and anxiety. Dig your heels into the ground and look around you.

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26 Don't Forget Your Values

Our fundamental values are established early, usually as we are growing up, but experiences in life also give us the chance to stop and consider: what is important, what do I believe, and what lodestars lead me in life? New insights yield deeper values. We mature and get to know ourselves. The more grounded we are in our own values, the more open we can be towards other people. We are simply no longer afraid to listen to how other people think. We are stable and not as quick to judge. Values also give us motivation, they help us focus on the right things and they give us energy. With all due respect for values, I also know how hard it is to always live according to your principles. I chicken out now and then, and I know when I do it! I get that trapped feeling and the lack of energy that result. I think that "decency" is the most important fundamental value of them all. It provides an approach to life. Decency means consideration for those who are weaker. Decent behavior means that you can live with yourself. You know that you've listened to your feelings and used your judgment. You didn't follow the crowd, but rather were able to be independent in your actions. I think that everyone must be allowed to live their own lives. To find their lives and choose to live in different ways. "Finding one's life" is not easy, which is why I have

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enormous respect for everyone who lives according to some type of philosophy. As long as it is decent, we must be tolerant. A way of life is unprincipled primarily if it harms others. For example you behave in an unprincipled way if you leave someone by slinking off. "Sorting things out" is decent and helps people grow. Cheating and deception, physical abuse, backbiting and leaving things out- all of this is unprincipled, even when it happens on a small scale. Another value is "quality" in everything. This value drives me. The desire to achieve and to choose quality is a sound form of motivation. Through this process, I place demands on myself. I can't cheat and hide things without violating one of my fundamental values. I would say that quality was a big part of my upbringing: spending time together, nature, all types of people, books, not having cheap throw-away things, being on time and last but not least, starched white curtains. "Oh sure," you say. Well okay, sometimes the pots and pans hit the floor when we drove Mom to despair. Something went wrong, my brothers fought and Dad disappeared into an endless game of solitaire. My strategy was to escape. I miss my Mom. It's amazing that I had to become older to truly be able to appreciate her. I miss her warmth and spontaneity. She courageously brought up difficult topics, and she couldn't spell the word "nuisance." She loved me. If I have to choose a third value, it would be "consideration": the desire to care about people as well as the environment. It is difficult to show and provide consideration. Even if you respect other people, this doesn't mean that you know when to act. Consideration can be a matter of simply asking "how are you?" and then being silent. Showing that you care, I mean that you really care. It's dreadful to hear that question and feel that it's fake. It sets off an emotional process. "Yes, how am I, actually?"

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26 Don't Forget Your Values

Finally, I'd like to discuss the "desire to contribute." This is a strong drive. It makes you a team player at the company. You enjoy cooperating with other people, as well as having the chance to achieve results and growth. To be needed and included. Yes, these were my own values, or in any case values that I respect. This doesn't mean that I always managed to live up to them, far from it. But as previously mentioned, I hold them so firmly that departing from them saps my energy, and I'm glad I do. My dear daughter, you must find your own lodestar. What are your values? What is important to you? The attitude you display says something about your values. If you have a tendency to blurt out negative comments about people at your workplace merely in order to show off, you should probably think about whether your fundamental values are democratic or authoritarian. Another good topic for get-together with your friends!

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27 Charity On An Equal Basis

I was recently sitting and talking with a woman who regularly brings children's clothing to Israel. She looked at me and said "it's important not to believe you are superior just because you have so many advantages that you are in a position to donate." Equality between people is having that exact attitude: not believing that you can pose requirements or expect something just because you make a donation. My dear daughter. If you have the opportunity to work on something charitable in some way, say yes. If you are able to humbly contribute, you will get so much back. Perhaps this will become your actual professional specialization - the entire charitable sector needs professional leadership. Environmental efforts and social work can be included in this category. I am tremendously impressed by all of the young women who are so deeply involved in this work today. One of the women I walk with runs a website designed to awaken environmental awareness in all of us. She sees it as her duty to inform, inspire and educate the rest of us. Social responsibility and responsibility for the environment are a given at companies today. I was there when the public began to focus on social responsibility. I met young analysts who looked straight into my eyes and asked if our

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27 Charity On An Equal Basis

company used child labor. I was extremely offended - I felt I was being attacked. Then I realized that these questions were being posed in order to protect the analysts. Imagine if this major company ended up in a scandal that affected our brand. What would happen to the stock price? But there's also another reason we got that question so early: they probably thought that we could supply a quantitative answer. It's a good thing that these areas are now receiving attention. A large number of companies have not handled these issues well. Today companies have great power and influence. It's important for them to serve as role models and to treat all of their stakeholders equally: customers, suppliers, staff, shareholders and the communities in which they operate. My dear daughter, whatever role you have at the company will give you the opportunity to interact with stakeholders, above all as an ambassador by representing your values. But you can also take the initiative for more tangible actions: for example you could initiate invitations to representatives of smaller companies in your town, and convince some of your managers to help out by giving lectures and disseminating knowledge. You could initiative a more environmentally-friendly approach, or a healthier workplace.

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28 Well-being

You only need to get a very bad cold to realize that health is the most important thing. We women need strong bodies and we appreciate their beauty. So let us enjoy! You are a beautiful woman. Straighten up your back and use all of your muscles. Let the world see your beauty. But oh dear, this is so hard. Everything is namely a matter of how I feel, the aura I radiate. I only need to have messy hair or the wrong shoes for my presentation to a tough audience to go badly. I can't reach them, in some way. I've searched for the optimal wardrobe for my entire professional life: things that can be packed in zero time, that are always in style, that are business-appropriate. My first job after taking my degree was at a consulting firm that sold services in the leadership field. It was jointly owned by an employers' association and several unions . It was a great place to be. I was there as a psychology trainee without ever having taken a psychology course. I swept past an entire queue of over roo applicants by marching into the office and asking for an internship. I remember how I then ecstatically purchased my first professional wardrobe. I bought trousers, skirts and pullovers in red and black, and white blouses to go with them. This was as close to a uniform as it's possible to get, but this clothing gave me the confidence I needed to start working.

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My dear daughter. Dress as you yourself like, but don't make it too challenging and complicated. Dare to be a woman, but remember that a workplace is a workplace and not a party. Likewise, an excessively elegant appearance may inspire admiration but also cause people to keep their distance. For my own part, I have always dressed very correctly, primarily for reasons of comfort. Several suits, some tops and a warm shawl - the latter for the US where the air conditioning is always cranked up high. "I've always done my utmost to fit in as a woman," a good friend who had had a brilliant career recently told me. "So the price was that you renounced your femininity?" "No, but it took other forms - more in the direction of empathy and cooperation. Today I feel confident in my femininity and don't need a constant response to it." It's wonderful to be able to be a woman. Nurture your femininity, rejoice in it, but don't strive to produce a continual response to it. Strong, confident men and strong, confident women can work together as the people they are. They don't need to preen in front of one another-and that's called camaraderie! But the most important thing is the soul. Having a soul that lives in harmony with the world around you. Art, literature, architecture, music - you must devote yourself to everything that delights your soul. But as I said before, life is a bumpy road and sometimes the bumps are enormous. One day you as well will go down into that black hole where only despair reigns, where you climb the walls and are sure that you are completely alone in the world. No one will be able to reach you, not even me. You will believe that no one notices anything, because you keep on working as usual. The scream comes when you are alone. Then things turn around, and you gradually come back. You feel the energy. Now you know what it means to lose your footing.

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Your empathetic insight into other people's fates will be greater. Spiritual and physical balance come as we mature, or at least they should. The balance comes when you've learned to approach life as an observer as well, to step back now and then and say "It will be interesting to see what happens." And when it comes to exercise, a little is better than nothing. Just doing a luxurious "cat stretch" in the morning can be enough if you are consistent. Yes, I know-that's what Tippe does. First she stretches luxuriously in her dog bed, and then she repeats the operation on the floor. You can see that she enjoys starting her day like this. Long walks and fresh air are the best of all, at least for me. And Tippe, of course!

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29 Enjoy Life

Enjoy life, even when you get older. Yes, this is true for your entire life. You need to take the opportunity to have fun while you can, meaning you need to dare to cut loose, not always be so controlled and allow happiness to emerge. To allow yourself to have fun. I usually advise people to "work hard and play hard," but that means working most of the time and truly enjoying yourself now and then. Maybe I say this to prevent young people from partying all the time and get them to truly join the workforce. But I think I also want to let them know that I've partied pretty hard now and then myself. I once met an older Frenchman in a village in Provence when I was young. He asked what Mademoiselle was doing there, and I explained that I was on vacation. "Vacation, what is that," he wondered. I explained it very briefly. He looked at me and then he said "vacation, we have a bit of that every day in Provence." My dear daughter. Have fun and learn to experience the joy to be found in everything. Joy and imagination will prevent you from becoming stiff, losing your appetite for life and thinking that everything is finished. No, it's not frivolous to laugh at work. Using humor as a way to show others what's important about the project or proposal is a gift. Humor opens up the intellect and emotions and makes people more receptive to new ideas.

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I worked for many years with a retired engineer who now spent his time as an artist. He drew cartoons based on my descriptions. They primarily showed flowers with various facial expressions. An international organization full of serious gentlemen were somewhat skeptical about these cartoons, but one day someone wanted to discontinue them and there was a general outcry because they were now part of the culture. And I know that they helped open up people's minds and set them on new trains of thought. "Give me some more examples," you say. Okay, here you go. I remember a seminar at a company that we held for our twenty-five most senior executives. This was at the beginning of the 2000s, and the topic was leadership. My role was to illustrate the importance of knowing oneself to be able to exercise leadership, as well as the insight that employees' perception of you is often quite different from your own. A delicate task, to be sure. The seminar was held in England. How was I going to approach this? I was able to find a large concave funhouse mirror which I hid beneath a flag. During the seminar I asked all of the attendees to form a queue in front of the hidden mirror. I explained that what they were about to see was what their employees saw every day. The senior executives obediently lined up, wondering a bit what it was all about. The flag was pulled off with a dramatic "whoosh," and what happened next was unbelievable! Everyone, without exception, stopped and clowned in front of the mirror, twisting and turning and so on, accompanied by laughter but also an air of seriousness. They really wanted to see how they looked! And the penny dropped: employees act based on their perception of us as leaders.

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30 And What Are The Men Like?

Now and then someone has asked me what it's like to be a woman in an all-male environment, which I was for a number of years before another woman joined the executive team. I understand the question, but I don't know the answer. Of course there is no simple or clear-cut answer. The advantage of being the only one of your type is the freedom. During coffee breaks I could choose whether to join the others or if I preferred to be on my own. This gave me the opportunity to calm down a bit and reflect on what was discussed in a meeting. But perhaps you are wondering "but were you part of the team when you didn't join the flock?" Yes, that's a reasonable point. I've learned to interpret the rules of the game during meetings: who is allowed to talk a lot, who gets to summarize and whose words determine the outcome. I've learned to restrain my impulsive statements, even if these statements in particular have sometimes led to interesting discussions and new points of view. Men have more of a tendency to stick to the rules of the game, which in this case means discussing what's on the agenda. Men allow spontaneous discussions to pop up at other times: at a bar after work or during spontaneous encounters in the hallway.

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I've arrived at the conclusion that this is a good thing. Meetings should follow the agenda. Materials should be sent out in advance so that everyone has a chance to acquaint themselves with them. Then it's up to the meeting chair to make sure that the meeting is interactive as well. Leaders have a natural aptitude for this: interaction can't be produced on command. Men can also disregard the agenda, especially when they are in the majority and know each other well. Then they may begin discussing things completely different from what is on the agenda. All majorities who know one another well and have found their pattern have this tendency to slack off on discipline. There's a lot of talk about male structures. If this means that men have a greater tendency to distinguish between planned and spontaneous meetings, I think this is okay. It suits people who are very focused . But I think something else is at work here: many men have found their preferred approach. This is how you do things, this is how a line of argument should be presented. They've learned this approach from other men. They are comfortable in this male environment where everyone knows the code. They've simply gotten stuck in this structure. For example, it's completely acceptable to raise one's voice simply to support what someone else said. It's acceptable to raise one's voice when being criticized, instead of exhibiting curiosity and trying to find out what went wrong. It's also acceptable pose questions to a person in a lower position without revealing one's own point of view. It's more important not to make mistakes than to be driven by the desire to do things right. It's important to show that you are a person with power. Naturally it's characteristic for this homogeneous group to clearly demonstrate that people who do not follow

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the code are dull, or worse yet a bit ridiculous since they insist on asserting opinions instead of just being quiet. In their eyes, behavior that is different is deviant rather than "making a contribution." Creative people buckle under this attitude, and women may also lose heart and go silent in this kind of company. Or else they cry - from anger and their sense of commitment, which no man is able to understand. Some women who have adapted do follow the code. The code is broken by men who are used to being in settings with women in equal positions, and it is definitely broken by women who want to be women, directly and honestly. You probably think that standing on ceremony is silly, that your bosses are exacting and so on. And you are completely right. But if you are to reach a position where you can make a difference, you can't completely violate the prevailing codes at your workplace. The men will not include you if they get too nervous. Right now you're young and not a threat, but the day you become an older woman you become a threat if you are too different - that is if you don't have a position of power. If you do, you can demonstrate that other codes matter now! Many men in senior executive positions are focused on the execution, activity or transaction. There is a risk that the creative aspect will not receive sufficient attention. New ways of thinking destroy this pattern, and this is what diversity is about. The ability to accept new ways of thinking, to listen to something different, to listen to someone who speaks differently. Many men are interested in finding new business opportunities, ideally by acquiring firms that will bring new technology, new markets or different customer segments. To be able to show results and win the contest under way - that is always under way.

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Perhaps I should venture a gross generalization: driving company growth through acquisitions is typical for many men. They acquire new companies to ensure growth. Driving company growth by working towards organic growth is typical of many women. T hey tend to engage more in organizational and personnel development. See what a marvelous combination this is! Men are generally better at focusing on the right information, while we women tend to want to include too many details. "You women are too thorough," as one man put it. Men want to talk through a matter in detail, but then they're done with it. We women tend to return to the issue and we have a greater tendency to incorporate our own expenences. My dear daughter. Make sure you have your own things to do and your own focus. Take an interest in business operations. Doing deals is fun, but it's just as much fun to grow the existing organization. The first option provides immediate feedback on one's own performance, while the second provides long-term satisfaction. Dare to be proud when you have succeeded, and dare to challenge the men with what you've accomplished. It's generally said that men like hierarchies. Presumably men have an easier time accepting other people's status, and they don't question people in power even if those people are not competent. Perhaps this is something that these men lived and were trained in during generations of military service. In the military there are strict hierarchies, strong issuing of orders and presumably little room for creativity during maneuvers in progress. We women tend more to go across boundaries, and then question our manager's position. We move in multiple dimensions. We are extremely concerned that the whole will not stay together, and we air our concerns. We've learned

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that this is a good way to arrive at one's own understanding, as well as to reach consensus. Men tend to take the position that others should "mind their own business." They focus on what's on their plate, on what they can affect. They are otherwise said to share information just as much as we do, but above all when they do not bear the responsibility. Men love to show that they are well-informed. If my theory that men are more interested in execution is correct, then it's also possible to understand how recruitments may be carried out. The men are looking for someone who will definitely implement what needs to be done, and what then makes them feel secure is to hire someone who resembles them as much as possible. They see themselves and their own ability to get things done in the young man. When they interview a younger woman, they become concerned that "here we have someone who will want to change things around," who will simply make their lives difficult. The men are also "gallant knights." They want to take care of their own people, but they tend to do this in different ways for women and for men. Young women are to be protected, not challenged, while young men are to be challenged and toughened up. These men are focused on themselves. It makes them feel good to be the knight in shining armor. They don't realize how belittling it is for a performance-oriented woman to be unable to exercise all of her capabilities. You will not be given a position in the men's world, you have to earn it. I remember my first meeting as a new board member. The Chairman looked at all of the men, and he did not glance at me once. But I understood, since I had been through this before. He was so focused on getting things done that he quite naturally worked with the people around the table who could immediately contribute. I bided my time, I learned and soon I was playing in the match as well.

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The Chairman of a different board of directors had somewhat better social skills. He was always careful to say "Ladies and gentlemen." It was almost more difficult to be included on his board. It was as though I had been assigned a different role right from the outset. The men must take responsibility for their attitudes. For example, it's okay to hold the door for a woman but it's not okay to want to be her gallant squire during a board meeting, and it is definitely not okay to clearly show that you can't endure listening to a woman who expresses herself in a more multifaceted manner. As a member of the group, she must be shown the same respect as the others. Men who understand the meaning of equality are wise men who have searched their own consciences. They see the benefits of equality. The managers who truly allow women to grow are those whose attitudes never show that their employee is a woman. They are extremely demanding and they don't provide any excuses on the basis of gender. Instead, the women truly feel that the demands where they work are very high and it's best to keep up. On the other hand, those managers who say they are in favor of female managers, but who do not believe in women's capabilities deep down, demonstrate an attitude close to that of the populist. They say the politically correct thing, but if the woman subsequently doesn't deliver they have a forgiving attitude with an undertone that says you can't expect more of a woman. I hope that many men with power will grow a bit braver and more willing to coach ambitious "girls." Unfortunately, far too many men take the short-term view and are actually cowards, so they go with a safe bet as they see it, rather than challenging themselves a bit and showing a female talent the path to success. Men who devote time and energy to helping capable women grow should be highly valued.

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My dear daughter. You must dare to challenge the men. If they cut you off and try to summarize what you're trying to say, raise your voice and say "I'm sorry but I'm not done speaking yet." If they repeat what you just said, ask "and what part of that is new?" Indicate clearly that you are just as valuable as the men, even if you sometimes get tangled up in your own train of thought. That happens to men, too! Take the time and space you need-don't be in a hurry at your own expense! Working with professional men who are focused on growth and results is instructive, exciting and wonderfully challenging.

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31 How Do The Men View Us Women?

I asked some professional men who had advanced far in their careers, men whom I respect. It turned out that this was a difficult question. They had nothing to say. On the other hand a lot of frustrations came out: the fact that they now feel forced to drive the equality issue was obviously onerous. Many of them have now had equality added to their bonus program, which is easy to put into the program but extremely hard to deliver. This issue calls for deep insight and long-term thinking. However one of the men told me how he had supported his daughter who was nearly "beaten down" by a new position. The demands were inhumane. The conditions were hopeless for being able to do a good job. She had high demands on herself, which made the situation unsustainable. Over the course of a long conversation he helped her understand that it was not her fault, in fact it was the company's fault that the conditions were so bad. He persuaded her to speak to her boss about the deficiencies that must be addressed, and how responsibility could be better distributed among several people concerned. But above all, this wise father got her to accept that as things stood right now she could only do a half-baked job. She was obviously able to follow this good advice, and the situation slowly but surely became more sustainable.

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31 How Do The Men View Us Women?

The father observed, "you women set high demands for yourselves that everything should work extremely well. You assume the blame yourselves instead of blaming others who actually are responsible for the unsatisfactory state of affairs. We men take a more relaxed approach-good enough is good enough. We blame those around us if things don't work, and we don't hesitate to take a few shortcuts." Now you and Tippe and I have all sat down and we're looking at each other. So that was the difference?!

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32 Equality

We've heard this word so often, but what does it mean? Equal pay for equal work? Parental leave for men as well? Splitting the housework fift y-fifty? To me, equality means respect as well as the equal worth of all people. In an equal relationship there is respect for the contributions, importance and needs of both parties. In an equal company, all employees are respected alike regardless of their position. Everyone is recognized as being important to the company's performance and success. Different responsibilities result in different salaries, but this doesn't mean that anyone is superior to anyone else. One person's work contribution may have greater impact, but this person is still equal to their coworkers. My dear daughter. Be on the lookout to make sure you are respected for your particular work contribution. Stand up for yourself and never accept a condescending comment. If you do get one, parry with "that's your perception, that's your interpretation." Equality begins when all of us perceive ourselves as equal, when we believe that all people have equal worth according to our fundamental values. Personal integrity is what leads to equality, i.e. it begins with me believing that I have the same worth as the men. You're laughing! Stop and consider the matter: surely there have been men

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in your life you've taken care of, served and given precedence, merely because they know the art of making us women dance. Today's debate on equality, at least when it comes to the amount of newsprint devoted to it, concerns female representation on boards of directors, above all in publicly listed companies. It would certainly be possible to get more woman onto boards through quotas, but we won't achieve a more equal business sector by doing so. I believe that it would be more effective if more attention were paid to the board's role and collective expertise. There are probably a number of directors who should have resigned long ago. Greater mobility creates higher demand, which should benefit us women. At the same time, the risk increases that people who still haven't proven themselves in operations will join boards and have their "careers" there. To be able to contribute on the board of a publicly listed company, one must have solid experience from a senior position at another public company. The existing board must feel that as a newly elected member, I will understand the conditions. And as usual, my attitude is what determines whether I will be able to contribute or not. On the other hand, if someone is considering adding women to the senior executive team through quotas, they have no understanding of how to run a business. A member of the senior executive team also has an entire business area or function whose operations they lead and for which they are responsible. The most important thing then is that they get the most suitable person, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. I think it's a good thing that more women are being elected to corporate boards. I believe it would be even better if more women entered corporate executive teams and various managerial levels not for the sake of equality, but

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because women are more and more qualified and should be given the opportunity to contribute. They should be used more, to put it crassly. I also believe that mature women are needed to establish the tone when the "macho" dance gets out of hand. Mixed groups make everyone shape up. In that situation it's not possible to utter platitudes in the secure assurance that they will be accepted. Mixed groups are also more tolerant of differing opinions. As previously mentioned, equality is a matter of respect and the equal worth of all people. The attention in this debate should be turned towards young people: how do we get young women to feel that they induce respect? It's largely a matter of teaching these women to take themselves seriously and realize that they will be treated as they behave. Today there's nothing preventing women from going all the way professionally. The obstacle many women frequently face is what is inside themselves. Their self-image is a mirror image of what they see in society and at their compames. My dear daughter. You must believe in yourself first of all. There is a feeling inside you that you can meet challenges. Listen to this feeling, and affirm it. You are the only one who ultimately knows your potential. You are the only one who can overcome the obstacles. Couple relationships between young people are exciting. We older people delight in how preconceived ideas about who does what are disappearing. Insight into one another's duties presumably produces more respect. Boundaries are getting fuzzier. Both partners' contribution to their relationship has the same value. It should be the same way in the corporate world. Children have always been something parents share, but previous generations didn't understand that Mom and Dad have exactly the same responsibility and the same

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right to be involved in the child's development. Diversity means accepting that we take our responsibility in different ways. Equality means that we spend time with our children on the same terms, and that our approach as mothers is accepted as equal by the fathers, who may choose other approaches in their relationships with their children. And vice versa. But what is happening, why this constant focus on children? Parents seem to show up for everything from baking cookies to daycare meetings. Do you also feel guilty because you work? It's not best for children if you are constantly at their side. They thrive when they feel that you are doing well. I was having lunch with a close friend. We got to know each other at a writing course a number of years ago. This woman had her first child at the age of thirty-nine, and she had now been back at work for three days. Everything there seemed to have ground to a halt due to weak leadership. We kicked the matter back and forth. She described how difficult it was to return after eight months' leave, to return to the routines. She views herself as a professional woman. To her it is self-evident that her husband will now take care of their daughter for a few months. It's also self-evident that their daughter will then start daycare on a full-time basis. She and her husband appear to be equal not only in terms of values, but in practical terms as well. On the other hand, she is concerned about several friends who started having children earlier than she did. They already have several children, and they are seriously considering not returning to their jobs. "It's as though they've settled into their nests," she said. "They are seriously prepared to let their husbands support them." We look at each other with expressions of concern. "Give them a message from me," I said. "Tell them they should at least make sure they have the right to part of their

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husbands' pension savings. And also tell them that one of them, speaking purely from statistics, will get divorced in a few years. And what will she do then? What will she do when she is older if she completely loses touch with the working world now, when she is young? Ask them that."

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33 Choose Your Mentor

Countless mentoring programs are in progress in order to inspire women to have careers. This is a good thing. I believe the greatest benefit to come out of these programs is the networks that are formed at all of the meetings. It's also good that these women get an insight into various organizations. They realize that their own companies are actually pretty good, even if they have their drawbacks. Mentoring programs also usually provide classes in various subjects or insight into other industries through various interesting speakers. The art for the program administrator is to find good mentors. Either the mentor and the mentee must have positions that aren't too far apart in the hierarchy, or the mentor must be very senior, wise and experienced all around. If the mentor is at the top of the hierarchy operationally, the distance could be too large. There is a risk that they will view being a mentor as a project that must succeed, in which case they will coach more than practicing mentorship. Middle managers are probably the best mentors. They are in mid-life and it's easy for them to imagine themselves in the younger mentee's situation. They are also the ones who should come to the realization that being a mentor truly gives you a lot as well. After all, they are the ones who are to hire these women and be their bosses.

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33 Choose Your Mentor

The role of the mentor is, through a genuine sense of commitment, to ask questions that get the mentee to think more broadly and deeply and arrive at insights on her own. The mentee must understand that it is completely alright to just talk about herself for once. She doesn't need to take an interest in her mentor in order to be polite, which was a common behavior pattern among young women in the past, i.e. asking questions about her mentor's life to avoid monopolizing the conversation. Many older men and women are accustomed to giving attention to others, but above all to receiving attention. They think it's obvious that they should have the chance to go on at length and tell interesting stories, and that the young woman should listen to them raptly. The social game isn't equal. Some people are worth more than others in this game, and I'm quite sure that this is reflected in a mentoring relationship, although of course there are exceptions! Don't be sad if you aren't offered a mentoring program. In fact, it's possible to obtain a mentor on your own. If you run across a more experienced person you trust highly, step up and ask them if they would like to be your mentor for a year. The person will be flattered and curious about how you imagine the arrangement would work. Propose that you meet once a month, even better if you meet for a walk. What you want is the chance to think aloud about what has happened at your workplace, as well as to air thoughts about your own prospects. You simply want to become a bit more confident about how to handle various situations, the opportunities available to you and what would be a good fit for you. Of course your ambition is to be able to contribute in order to be able to make a difference in the long run.

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34 The Glass Ceiling

The fact that women do not reach the very top has been called the "glass ceiling." As if we want to fly up to the stars, but instead fly straight into the invisible ceiling, which damages us so badly that we never try again. Or does it mean that we women don't even try - that we see a ceiling that doesn't actually exist? I go on the internet and try to understand the meaning. I read there that we women reach a glass ceiling when we "feel that our skills are not being used." Oh dear, I think. This is actually a larger problem. The issue is clearly that we women are not capable of dealing with the hierarchical organization. The fact is that the bottom of the pyramid is large in most organizations and there are opportunities there for everyone who wants to contribute. Then the competition starts. The desire to contribute, hard work and being a good team player aren't sufficient anymore. Now it's important to be able to read the game: to understand situations that arise and know how to respond. The fact is that there are more people with ability and skills than there are positions. There is no shortage of managerial material, but there is a lack of ability to identify it: the ability to identify a person's ability to do well in a higher position, with different demands from their current position.

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My dear daughter. It's good to be ambitious, but that is not enough. There must be someone who wants to choose you for larger, more important job assignments. Everyone knows that you have been capable and always delivered, but for the hiring manager this information is not sufficient. He wants to make sure that you will also deliver in the new position. A position that reports straight to him. Now his career is on the line. He wants to be roo¾ sure that you will succeed. In other words his future expectations are the most important thing, not your past qualifications. Failure is not an option now. At the base level of the organizational pyramid it's possible to take a chance when hiring, but only the people who are sure to succeed move up: those who usually strongly resemble the hiring manager, who recognizes himself in them. It gets narrower and more crowded higher up, in several ways. "What can you do about that?" you wonder. Train managers in the selection process. Get them to dare to identify with another person, thereby realizing their potential. The reverse applies if the hiring manager is a woman, but only if she is wise and experienced. If she is on the make, she often wants to surround herself with men for some reason. Yes, it's not a given that you shou ld always turn to other women for support. Choose to spend time with mature, professional people and you will do well! There is in fact no glass ceiling, but there is competition. In this case the important thing is for you to improve yourself, become more perceptive, more professional and more willing to take on the role of an established manager. If you don't want this, if you want to continue to be the frank person you are -in that case, you will have to start your own company where you can set the tone. T he higher you go in organizations, the more the managers are focused on what needs to be done. Very little

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attention is paid to you as a person. You need to present your opinions in the right way at the right time. Your personality becomes your tool, which you must now know how to use. And you must trust this tool. No thoughts along the lines of "am I good enough?" are allowed. That phase must now be over. To play a senior role, you must also be a senior person, even if you are still quite young. Naturally it would be a good thing if your skills were used. But that's not how business works. The higher you go, the more politics there are. You need to be capable of playing this game. Understand when you must act and when you should just sit down and wait for something to happen.

Look at Tippe: when a situation appears too complicated, she tends to sit down. She becomes unassailable in her own free zone. Our vision is to have companies where the employees' collective skills are put to use, where processes move from the bottom up. The surrounding world, which grows every more complex, will reward these companies. Their ability to correctly perceive signals in this world will be unbeatable. The democratic principles of the equal worth of all people are alive at these companies. Employees are paid different amounts since they have different responsibilities, but the fundamental value is that everyone has equal worth. Today's rapidly rising compensation to top executives counteracts this purpose. There is a risk of creating a sense of "us and them." But we're not there yet, and you must learn to compete properly with your competitors . It's not enough yourself know that you are a capable contributor - the senior executives must also realize this. The selection process is emotional and highly subjective. My dear daughter. Continue to be who you are. If you feel that you're not interested in the big issues concerning the company's strategies and the competitive landscape,

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if you feel that you're mostly interested in your current work but not in that work's meaning in the whole, then you're not top management material. But if you are focused on creating results and growth at your current position and are curious at the same time about how everything fits together, how results are created, how growth takes place - then show it! After all, you're top management material! There is no glass ceiling- you're the one who creates the glass ceiling by fobbing off the responsibility on others. "You don't see my abilities." No, they only see the results that are produced. You must show that these results are due to your commitment and capability. "So I have to make them feel assured so that they'll dare to take a chance on me?" Exactly-wise words. You have to take responsibility for everything, including your own promotion. My dear daughter, now I've gotten to know you a bit better! I see that creating results and growth is what drives you, not pursuing a career for the sake of having a career. But to reach the platform that will give you the power and thus the ability to have an impact, you must make sure you pursue a career. Do you understand? That was a bit fuzzy, so I'll summarize. Until you reach the competition for the highest positions, you'll do all right even if you are mostly driven by the desire to be capable and good enough. To break through to reach the top ranks, you must be driven by the desire to achieve results and growth. Your entire focus must be outside yourself. Your personality and your experiences are your tools. And whether you are good enough - you have no doubts about that. You are now master of your own fate. You've liberated yourself from what others think. And you're right, some men need to change their attitudes. They don't regard women and men as equals. They're

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not aware of this, and instead they happily join the debate on how we are to elect more women to corporate boards. They usually lack confidence and use this to puff themselves up so they can be part of the game. Like all weak people with a desire for power, they need to feel that they are superior to others, and in this case the "others" are us women. We can't do anything about this, we just have to deal with it. If we learn this, it's easy to poke holes in these male balloons. Let them agonize over their uncertainty, and let us focus instead on results and growth, undisturbed.

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35 Get A Strong Network

You must have a strong network: a network made up of people you've had contact with, worked with and who you now feel you can freely call to mull over a question or ask for advice. A network of people you speak well of, and who in turn speak well of you! I hope there are also men in your network, and in that case it's important to be able to spend time with them without insisting on your femininity. No one can stand a person whose ego is too big or who has a constant need for attention. Learn how to network from the men. They give and take in their networks. They are well aware that they are in the network because they benefit from one another. They provide one another with confidence by not excluding anyone who is no longer on the career ladder. Once you're a member of the network, you're always a member. How tolerant are your female networks? Isn't there a tendency for you all to want to be very similar? The same haircut, the same clothes and the same views. A productive network consists of diversity and a base the members have in common. They have usually worked together and gotten to know each other that way, or they share a different experience. But the most distinctive trait of a good network is that you actually benefit from it. We women have a lot to learn

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in this department. Women have a tendency not to be able to ask for help and to want to solve everything on their own instead. Don't do this! Ask people for help - most people love to have the chance to help out. Why? It's enriching, it provides insight into new things and you learn lessons from it.

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36 Move On-The Men Do

I believe that all of us who have been around for a while can say that men have a clear tendency to let go and move on, but women tend to remain because we're needed. In general, men are attentive to what is expected of them and they like to deliver in line with these expectations. They feel that they've finished what they were there to do sooner, and they want to move on. Staying too long makes them worried, since this can be perceived as stagnation and a lack of drive. They become curious about new areas. They sniff around, and suddenly they're there. We women tend more to structure and organize ourselves. It's easier for us to feel a sense of ownership for our work. We might even be uneasy about what someone else might do with our department, since we've already thought of everything and we don't want a new person to come and ruin all that work. So, it's just as well to stay where we are and protect our "burrow." Men accept bosses much more easily than we women do, even female bosses. We women grumble about when the boss lumbers into our area. We like principles and guidelines more than commands. I believe that clear organizational structures with clear areas of responsibility suit us women. This gives us our own territory to organize and develop.

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My dear daughter. As soon as you feel that your job is done in your current assignment, seek out a new challenge and allow a new person to come in and pick up where you left off. Be generous and pave the way for the new person. Wish them good luck and move on. "But what if you're stuck in the middle, i.e. you've completed the job but you're not allowed to/you haven't found/ you haven't succeeded at creating something new or finding something new to do? How long should you be patient?" you think with a bit of frustration. Do you like the company? If so, bide your time, participate in projects and improve yourself. Show that you are mentally prepared to move on as soon as an opportunity presents itself. Because you do know what you want, right? Otherwise it is high time to make a list of the potential alternative paths you want to follow. The company can't create a position just because you want to move on now, presumably you realize that. But eventually you'll have to let go and leave the company. Otherwise you risk getting stuck there. "Yes, but .. ." Yes, then you'll have to look for a position at a different company. But only because you truly want to join that company, to have that position, not just because you're a bit frus trated at the moment. This is a feeling that you must master. Look at Tippe: when she's done hunting in one place, she makes her way to new ground. She did what she could, there are no more birds to retrieve, so why stay? But if there's no new ground to explore, then she'll go round the old spot once more- "you never know," she seems to be thinking. And just like Tippe, if you've decided to move on, sniff around first to see what the new ground has to offer. It has to be more fruitfu l than the area you are leaving. Dare to

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apply for the advertised position even if the duties are new or unfamiliar, even if you do not completely match the description of the desired candidate. You're applying just for the purpose of facing new challenges, to grow and to be able to contribute in a new way, not to repeat the same old act in a new place. And if a headhunting firm is calling you, be even more cautious: investigate whether the new company would be a good match.

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37 Looking For Work On Your Own

Women don't respond to job advertisements - that's one of those myths. Certainly women apply for jobs that are advertised, but they read the advertisements first. They usually think "can I do this job?" rather than "this job looks interesting, I want it." My dear daughter, as we discussed in the chapter above: if you've outgrown your current job, look for a new job. If you realize that your current manager is absolutely the wrong one for you, look for a new job. If you see an advertisement for a position that would be perfect for you right now, look for a new job. There are many times when you need to look for a new job. Just be careful that you're not running away from problems without having tried to resolve them first. Be careful not to leave without first having sorted out what should be sorted out. Your aim should be to move on to something, not to leave something, but sometimes the latter is necessary. Try to find out as much as possible about the advertised position. Then write an application that does you justice. The hiring manager wants to understand your experience. On paper, that's the only thing that counts. Many other factors will come into play during the interview. If you are a good fit, you will appear to have potential for this position and a lot more. For your part, you must

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realize that you are there on equal terms with the hiring manager. Use every opportunity to ask about the job. Make sure to get as much information as you can. Naturally your objective is to determine whether this is the right job for you. It's a good idea to let the hiring manager see this. It induces respect, and balance - certainly the manager becomes interested in presenting everything that's good about the company and the position. They begin to sell the job. Accept the job if it is a good fit for you. Accept the job if the company is growing and there are opportunities. Accept the job if the company seems to have a culture that you like and that is in agreement with your fundamental values. Make sure that equality is important there, more in the sense of the equal worth of all people than statistics on the number of female managers. If you now know that this is a healthy, growing company in a healthy industry, if you have confidence in the hiring manager, if the duties of the advertised job are clear, if you believe you can create results and growth on the basis of this assignment - take the job.

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38 Make Sure You Get The Right Salary

It's always said that women are worse at salary negotiations than men. Presumably this is true, but at a professional company you should not need to negotiate your salary. It's your manager's responsibility to ensure that your salary is correct according to all the recognized rules. If the company's managers fail to pay the right salaries, in the long term they are likely to have a hard time hiring and retaining competent employees. The salary indicates your area of responsibility and your skills, i.e. it is based on the position and the responsibility. Your skills and performance determine whether you should then have a salary in the lower or the higher quartiles of the salary statistics your manager is presumably using. My dear daughter. Before you make the decision to accept a job offer, ask whether the salary is in agreement with the company's salary policy. Ask them to clarify this policy. Say that you're interested in having a high but fair salary. Say that you would also like to know how you can raise your salary in future years. This attitude induces respect. You simply want to be treated professionally, including when it comes to your salary. As a manager, you should realize that the salary process must be transparent and fair. Employees want to know that their salaries are fair and in line with the company's salary

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policy. And then that's enough. Bonus plans with measurable goals can motivate employees. On the other hand the wrong salary kills motivation. Employees want to know that they're being treated fairly regard less of their position. In general, weak managers motivate people by using high salaries, while strong leaders motivate by demonstrating their commitment. Now one of my mentees calls and asks if we can meet. "Of course, I'll put the teakettle on." The young woman tells me that she's just had a meeting with her boss. She's frustrated, and doesn't know quite how to respond. "Tell me," I say. "Well, there was a reorganization, and I've had much more responsibility for a year now. Yesterday I had a salary review with my manager. She said that she hoped I could feel how satisfied they were with what I'd done. And then I was told my salary would be raised by one percent." My mentee was so angry she started to cry. We kick the matter back and forth and arrive at the following: the manager's "sugary sweet" statement had really undermined my mentee's professional integrity. "I truly hope you can feel how satisfied we are with what you've done." "Yes," I say, "she'd never say that to a male employee. Naturally you are upset that your manager doesn't take you seriously and believes that management being satisfied with your efforts is enough. "And they are also mismanaging the salary process. In your case, they should first perform a salary correction based on your greater responsibility, and you should be part of the normal salary revision after that." "So what do I do?" she asks. "Your manager seems to believe that compliments are sufficient, she doesn't respect your professional integrity, and you have to change that," I say. She decides herself that she will write to her manager. She will ask to see the outcome for her own position based on

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both the salary correction based on the expanded responsibility and the salary correction based on the annual salary revision. Furthermore, in the future she will not accept vague sweeping statements but will always ask her manager to be specific. We both realize that the manager was not strong enough to assert her department's interests in the general salary revision, but my mentee should not suffer because of that. Her female manager, and it could just as well have been a male manager, also lacked professionalism when she believed that my mentee would be able to accept a lower salary with the assurance that "everyone thought she did a good job." Men are not treated this way. Your salary is part of the contract you have. You do a job, and you should have a salary that reflects it. The end.

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39 Life Balance

The heading above has become an established concept for the entire problem of how we can combine our working and private lives. \Ve didn't talk about this when I entered the labor market, presumably because we women who chose to work full-time and on a professional career track had no one but ourselves to blame. We'd chosen this, after all. Many women chose to work half-time, or at least they chose a position or employer with set working hours. It's different today. Now it's a given that women are also breadwinners, and that they are therefore striving for professional development. In many countries, a family where only one partner is working just can't survive financially. My advice here, as in many other places, is to focus. Focus on what's important, and you'll realize that it is yourself, your children, your family and your work, in that order. Yes, you yourself need to be fully functional to be able to then give your children, family and job your best. Think of the security regulations on an airplane: you should put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then on your child. I was extremely particular to pay everything that was legally required for my home help. One day I received a call from a public bureaucrat. She understood that we had someone working at our home. Her voice gave away that

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she thought this was inappropriate. I thought of Marita at home: a wonderful girl who had recently graduated from school and chosen this job in order to take her time to think about what she would do next. The woman continued "I assume that she also eats dinner with you?" Oh no, I thought, even more taxes. I collected my wits and spoke in the upper-class tone she was expecting from me anyway: "You know what it's like with young girls. They don't eat proper food, just tea and toast all day. I don't think we can call that dinner." And the call and the danger were thus dispensed with. I told Marita the story and she had a good laugh. And I laughed too, since we both knew she was the first vegetarian and clean-living person I'd gotten to know. However you choose to solve the child care dilemma, make sure you have a lot of input. I think this will help you and your partner will feel much better. They are your children, and you are the ones who make it possible for them to have a good childhood. Remember that life is long. Remember that you don't need to accomplish everything during the brief early childhood years. Nor do you need to be doing lots of other things when your teenagers need you. You need to choose here as well: which balls are you going to play and which are you going to allow to pass by? You are the one who decides. There is nothing you "must" do. Being a good mother can be combined with pursuing a career. But having a puppy, a garden, weekend trips, a cultural life, after work drinks and the latest fashionable clothing all at the same time could get to be too much. My dear daughter, you must realize that life is long. There is time for everyth ing, but not right this minute. You must feel comfortable that you're "keeping up" even if you don't have the latest boots.

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When my child was very young, I had a demanding consulting job as well. It was utterly clear to me that I was focused on two things: my family and my job. Sure it was hard going, and it was tough when people around me were sometimes living completely different lives. I neither made a fuss nor avoided them for my own part, I just kept working. An international career is much better suited to women than people believe. A few years in a different country or culture will give the children the wonderful gift of a new language, for example. It gives the entire family a chance to really bond, and in this case it gives the partner the opportunity to try something new. An international career is a "must" for the woman who truly wants to reach the top ranks of one of the large companies. My dear daughter. Life ba lance comes if you feel that you are the one who decides. But don't be afraid of a slight imbalance, of losing control just a little. Nothing truly innovative has been achieved through perfect balance.

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40 Don't Accept Working Yourse lf To Death

Now and then I meet young women who quietly admit that their lives consist of nothing but work right now. My heart begins to bleed, and I ask them to tell me more. I have arrived at the conclusion that they work at companies where extremely radical reorganizations have taken place. However it appears as though this change makes sense primarily in the PowerPoint presentation . Presumably the division of responsibilities is clear at the upper echelons, but then it starts to get fuzzy. Ambitious young women who have not yet learned to set priorities run after every ball in the vicinity. They take responsibility for so much more than they ought to. Their managers are completely occupied with surviving, and duck the issue when these young women bring up their misgivings. Even worse, these managers explain without empathy that it is the employee's responsibility to resolve the issue. My dear daughter. If you are in a situation like this, write down what you perceive your job duties to be. Then ask your boss to respond to this document. Presumably what you have written will be accepted, since the manager in a situation like this barely knows what you do. Then you move the next chess piece: you explain that "this and

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that" thus are not part of your job. However make sure that you agree on this point. Give the responsibility back to your boss, who has not delegated it. Then leave it. Let it collapse. Either you or the process must be the one to collapse. You have the right to know what is expected of you. You have the right to put your foot down and say no. How the issue is to be resolved is your boss's responsibility, not yours. Let the ball stay in their court. Don't take over! Don't become overprotective of your boss. It is their responsibility to assign things and ensure that the ball is in the right court. Messy, poorly-run organizations are evil. They encourage politics and they make things hell for employees who take responsibility and are concerned about the big picture. Weak managers don't dare to clearly define things at the organization. They are dependent on their employees' competence. They don't really know how things should work, so they leave their employees to guess. This type of organization is a sign of weakness. A wellrun company continually engages in the process of change and the development of both structure and processes, and thus does not need to make spectacular changes. A wellrun company realizes that internal mobility guarantees continual development and growth. Here they always take the chance to make small changes in the distribution of responsibility or the focus of a position when there is a vacancy-it's a unique opportunity to make changes! Internal mobility likewise produces many employees with a broad understanding of the business. They've already worked in other positions and seen the operation from that angle. But the absolutely most distinctive trait of a well-run company is that everything is very clear. Employees know their job duties and they know how they are expected to

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contribute. They know their part in the whole, and thus understand the consequences of their work. Cooperation flows, since everyone depends on one another so that the customer will receive what they need and more.

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41 Keep Up Your Friendships

Colleagues are great, but close friends who are always there for you are priceless. People who are there over the long run. Friends who know, and who know you. Friends who make an effort for you. Friends who like you for who you are, not for the job you have. Friends need you and you need them. This doesn't mean that you need to text them all the time, more that you're there to listen when something happens in their lives, when they need to think out loud with a person they trust completely. And not least, you need friends in order to give and receive happiness! But it is important not just to maintain your friends, but also to choose them well. Or rather to choose who to phase out. People who only sap your energy, who are performing an act, i.e. who don't dare to be their whole selves, who don't have enough integrity to feel your integrity. Phase these people out by no longer trying to deepen your relationship with them. It's not possible. Satisfy yourself with having them as acquaintances. I would never survive without my close friends. They give me energy and inspiration. I can relax when I'm with them. We can have loads of fun, and we can talk about everything. They're in different camps, in different places, from different times, or how shall I put it. They are my sense of security and my joy. 110

41 Keep Up Your Friendships

Friendship is needed in order to get to know yourself. True friends see who you are, but also accept that you will evolve. The exclamation "you haven't changed a bit" is more of a testimony to a person's need for constants in life and their dislike of change. Or perhaps you can interpret it to mean that I've retained my core as I have grown. And that's positive! It's easy to lose friends. Suddenly you're trapped at work and socialize primarily with people who do the same kind of work. This is dangerous: there is a risk that life will be reduced to one note. The point of having friends is exactly that they live different lives. You talk about different things with them. My dear daughter. Try to see yourself as a pie. You give different pieces of the pie to various people. Some slices are small, and others are big. You could keep the entire pie for yourself, but it's no use to you to sit alone gobbling it down. Continually offering pie to others is what enriches your life.

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42

Put The Problem Where You Can Solve It

I've met so many women who have been bitter about their working lives. This and that was wrong. They complain primarily about the men, but the conditions at their workplaces have been a problem as well. They have been so trapped. I recall a song that the French singer Barbara sang during the 1960s. It was about a woman whose eyes were red from weeping, who constantly visited her female friend to pour her heart out about the injustices of life and men's betrayals. Barbara sings with true empathy, and then comes the last verse in marvelous French. It's along the lines of "Don't come to me with your red swollen face. You are so ugly. You don't want to find any beauty. I want to live life, leave me now." She says these harsh words to her friend, and I think she does the right thing. Everyone must realize that life is our own responsibility. We can learn about gender theory, urban development and business administration, but there's no point in using this knowledge only to complain. We must use it to be able to navigate more easily. The only things I can truly affect are my own attitude and my own behavior. This insight is the key to life. What I mean is that you have to break down the situation and try to understand what is happening. Break the

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problem down into multiple smaller problems. For example, your boss is hopeless. Okay, hopeless in what way, and when, and for whom? What can you do differently, and when can you act? Map out the whole situation on paper so that you see what you're talking about. So that you get more perspective, become less emotional and judgmental, and become more analytical and inquisitive-quite simply, become more professional. Next decide to take a small step. Good, now you have gained control. Now you're no longer a victim who can freely complain. Now you have taken responsibility. It will be interesting to see how you resolve this! Or how it resolves itself-because maybe "it" will help out now that you've gained some perspective.

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43 We Are People-Not Resources

The spirit of our times is wound up so tightly-young people talk completely seriously about how they have to "position themselves." Not "find themselves," position themselves so that they will be attractive. It seems as though you want to pursue a career for its own sake. Or have I misunderstood? I have had a career myself. I wasn't sure that it was exactly what I wanted, it's more like it turned out that way. But it turned out that way because I affirmed my inner drive. I can't remember ever consciously thinking that I wanted to pursue a career. I hope that you will have many opportunities, that you will have the chance to get into situations where you can affirm your inner drive, and draw the bow so hard that strings break. But this doesn't necessarily mean a career in the business world, it could just as well be something else: research, charity, urban development or journalism. There are so many areas, so many arenas. I hope that you find the arena that suits you and that you feel that you are doing yourself justice there: that you have the chance to contribute using your full potential. Perhaps you will start your own company. You have something to offer to a market, or there's something you want to make happen, something you're passionate about,

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perhaps something to do with nature or the environment. Your enthusiasm is infectious and you find sponsors. You create something that does not yet exist. I want you to be content and financially independent, to feel that you're good enough for everything that life offers you. But I also want you to have the benefit of feeling that you are actually contributing, that you are making a difference, that you have helped to make the world a better place through your efforts. And certainly you can then look back on a career. Why not?! And then it will not be because the business world wanted to promote more female managers, but because you chose to rise to a position of power so that you would have the ability to have an impact through your own efforts.

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44 When You Have Achieved A Position Of Power

By a "position of power," I mean that you have achieved a position from which you can create results and growth. This position gives you power, which could also be called possibilities. It also gives you the responsibility to lead the business as well as possible, but that's not what I wanted to talk about. No, I want to give you a stern bit of advice. It's so easy to lose your footing when you have achieved success: people around you suddenly begin to pay attention, and even become congratulatory. Consider the following dinner conversation: your dining partner asks "and what do you do?" You reply "I am the CEO of ... "Either your dining partner will be genuinely interested and the dinner will be more of a work meeting for you, or he'll begin to puff himself up by telling you all about what he does. This is when you need to exit this game. Start talking about something different, less sensitive you could say. You could also say more interesting. You'll have a pleasant dinner and be able to broaden your horizons. Let me also whisper, as slaves did to victorious generals in Ancient Rome: "you are mortal." I do this because I don't want you to become arrogant, to suddenly believe that you are so much more than other people. To lose your footing

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and progress into loneliness. Bear in mind that a lot of what you are now experiencing belongs to the position and not you as a person. It's important to keep things separate and not start to live out your business card. I've seen powerful women who sweep in and out and treat the staff condescendingly, nearly more often than men do. A great person sees everyone instead of being seen by everyone. If people at the company switchboard are afraid of you, you have failed. Nor is it okay to be professional one moment and almost flirtatious the next. It says a lot about you as a person. A woman who is secure in her femininity does not need to have it constantly acknowledged. You are a woman, but the most interesting thing about you is that you are a professional person: a person with extensive experience, a person who has gained wisdom over the years. Your attitude towards other women is also revealing. A good friend told me about a female board member at her company who constantly brought up the issue of female managers. She pointed out that the company did not have enough women in executive positions. My friend was a senior executive - she was in fact in charge of these issues. But the female board member did not deign to look at her, not even when they were at a dinner together. She was a typical princess, but she hid this by advocating for women's issues. Presumably there are more of her type out there. Advocating for women's issues can be turned into a means of force, and an effective one at that. I have a last warning for you, my dear daughter-don't buy loyalty. It's so easy to want to play "macho" by giving financial advantages to your direct reports: an ample salary, a generous bonus and pension plan. All of the other employees see this. They understand that you consider your direct reports more important to you than the

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rest of the staff. Of course your immediate subordinates should have more compensation than others at the company since they do have greater responsibility, but the proportions should be reasonable. And even more importantly, your attitude must be that costs are costs regardless of where they are incurred. It's important to be careful about spending the company's money, regardless of the category of personnel. What motivates people is your own involvement in what your immediate subordinates do, your humility and gratitude for their work contributions, your willingness to understand and to be of help, the way you lead and challenge - this produces motivation.

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45 You As A Leader

To me, the position determines the area of responsibility. A managerial title locates the position in the organizational hierarchy. It's important to have the skills to manage this responsibility. Leadership is the ability to create results. A skilled leader doesn't just create results, they create longterm results. A skilled leader engages in the development of the customer base, the product program and the organization. The organization consists of structures, processes and people. The capabilities of the people will determine how long-lasting the results will be, since it is the people who develop the other variables through their capabilities. Your role is to facilitate the work of your employees. Decisions should be made where the problems are. You yourself make decisions only rarely, and in that case it is difficult, long-term decisions that have been thoroughly researched. "People make it happen," as we used to say at my old company. My dear daughter. I hope that as a leader, you will always pay attention to both short-term and long-term results. You will stand up for your company, your department or your function. You will assert what is needed but at the same time you will deliver good results, since you've learned that results are the only thing that matter and give you freedom. You will represent the interests of all of stakeholders: not only the shareholders, but also the local community,

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the customers, suppliers and staff. You will take the environment and society into consideration. You will do your utmost to ensure that your customers receive that extra something. You will be transparent with your suppliers, and you will see the people who work for you as individuals and not as functional costs. You will build structures and processes that make it easier for the organization to operate. Knowledge is developed and recycled. Your company will be characterized by efficiency and flexibility, as well as the prevailing atmosphere. Your behavior and the attitude you display flow through the company. Ultimately, this is how you have an impact. You're not just playing a role, you are present with your entire being. What drives you is making a difference. You will engage in a constant process of change and adaptation. You will be successful in doing so, since of course you understand what is happening in the rest of the world. You obtain information by listening to many different people in a range of environments. The company will be your baby, but you don't own it. Or maybe you do! You are attentive to all of the stakeholders, and your objective is to be dispensable: to be able to leave after you've completed your assignment, to be pleased that someone else is taking over. Do you think this is too idealistic? No, the description above is entirely possible. You have perspective and integrity, and you have the feeling that you are the "master of your own world!"

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46 How Do We Promote More Female Managers?

There is no self-respecting board of directors that is not engaged with this question. The debate has progressed to the point that it would be seen as a breach of duty not to have the issue on the agenda. What the board wants to see is results in the form of numbers showing an upward trend in the number of female managers, regardless of industry and internationalization. Major engineering companies are under a lot of stress. How do they promote women who are interested in technology and who also have leadership qualities? This is an incredibly difficult issue to drive as the Director of HR. And I believe that the same long-term approach must be taken as with the question "how do we promote more engineers?" We must cultivate the desire among the young women. They have to want to do it. Every young woman must realize that her future security lies in financial independence: that she can support herself, and her children if she goes on to have children. She must also realize that if she is going to work towards this end, it is better to do something she is well-suited for that provides ongoing professional growth. We must also get all hiring managers to realize that they are not only recruiting for the sake of implementation,

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but for development as well. They must realize that the homogenous team becomes like a cavalry that charges ahead in straight rows, while a group of diverse people becomes a guerilla organization. Our success will be completely determined by whether the young women want to engage in a process of development that leads to a career. In that case they need role models and sources of inspiration. They must find their identity as women in their professional roles as well. It is a blessing that women bear ch ildren. Today companies in several countries accept parental leave for both mothers and fathers; society is standing behind them. The children are not a limitation. But what happens is that they can distract a mother's focus. Women become interested in so many other things through their children. The companies must pose requirements and challenge women - take them seriously. It is only through challenges that we motivate performance-oriented women. If the women get demanding, results-orients jobs, they will be forced to set priorities and they will find their confidence in being able to say no to a lot of things that the rest of the world offers. "But does this argument hold water?" you're probably protesting. Of course I'd like to be able to say that the solution is for all companies to adapt themselves to how women live. But I can't. Bear in mind that I have been at a global firm for sixteen years. I know how many ambitious, competent people are being cultivated around the world. If you want to reach the truly important positions with a great deal of responsibility, my dear daughter, then it's important for you to change your way of life right now. And that's why I believe that companies do talented, ambitious women a disservice by showing consideration and modifying the work world too much. Allow the woman

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to take responsibility for how she solves her family situation herself. I sincerely believe that so far we have promoted an inadequate number of female managers because we've shown too much consideration. This is yet another piece of evidence that we must place the responsibility on the individual, and not believe that we can solve the work-life problem for them through clever solutions. Clear responsibility, clear requirements and feedback . Then the woman knows what is required and she will organize herself accordingly. And the same thing applies to young men: nothing is as educational as clear requirements and honest feedback. This requires strong, free, competent leaders who dare and are able to challenge their employees. These leaders are also able to judge people's capabilities regardless of their gender. They have great insight and empathy, and they approach every assessment with a completely open mind. In purely pragmatic terms there are only interested in one thing: creating results for the long term. And one more thing! They coach their people to dare to take new strides, i.e. they coach their best people to want to move on to more demanding positions that will help them grow. They coach the women especially! They understand that women's nature is to take responsibility and want to finish things; they know that women tend to remain and settle in, to create their own domain. And so, to have a working pipeline of managers in the entire company, these managers must work at both ends: coach their people to get them to leave, and then dare to take on promising women. "And how do we promote these leaders?" you wonder, as you think of your manager who is far from this ideal. "Think it over," I say. "Maybe they had good managers themselves," you say. Yes, I think the best school is the benefit of having had good bosses. But your personality must also be ready. Your self-image must be in place. With

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your need for affirmation satisfied and your focus, just like Tippe's, concentrated on sniffing around new ground in order to learn and discover new things. Mature leaders think more about others than about themselves. "Wow," you say, "it's definitely time to get a new boss."

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An Internal Open Global Labor Market

My dear daughter. What I give you now is not a piece of advice, but more of a diamond: the concept of "the internal, open, global labor market." It replaces succession planning, but it is not a method. It is a culture that cultivates people and ensures a long-term supply of managers and a high level of internal mobility. In order to succeed, the entire company must subscribe to several principles 100%. All jobs must be advertised internally, and all employees must seek their own promotions. No one is asked. The labor market may be global for all of the higher executive positions, but it may be local as well for local positions in the local language. The group chief executive is the only person who is not included. Internal mobility must be measured in all dimensions, but add the points to the scorecards of managers who coach their people to leave for other positions at the company, not to managers who take on new people. "You have zero points? Don't you understand that as a manager you are also responsible for the entire company's managerial pipeline? Don't you have any employees who are good enough to leave you and move ahead?" I am giving you this diamond right now and I am quite sure that one day you will be able to use it. One day when you are a senior executive at a company, large or small, you will realize that internal mobility is the most important

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An Internal Open Global Labor Market

factor for avoiding stagnation: internal mobility based on the individual's own willingness and ability to take on new responsibilities. Internal mobility helps the organization evolve by developing and using the capabilities of its employees. Here is the jewel, with my compliments. You will have to arrange the setting yourself.

Principle number I-All recruitment must begin internally. And I really mean ALL recruitment. Many managers say "yes, but I know that I don't have an internal candidate for this position. And I'm in a hurry, so I want to recruit externally at the same time as we recruit internally." This is short-term thinking. If you've told all of the employees that they are responsible for their own professional growth, if you've eliminated all of the succession planning, if you've promised that EVERY vacancy will be advertised on the global open internal labor market, suddenly violating the first principle by performing an external search at the same time is arrogant from many perspectives. How can someone know that there is no one among all of these employees who has not only the dream but also the ability to take on the position in question? Perhaps this person is located at a firm that just joined the company via an acquisition. Or perhaps this person works in a completely different position, but has experience with the matters at hand from a previous life. What do you know? But above all, it is a breach of promise that is typical for a person in power who takes a short-term perspective. To this person, they are just solving a problem. Principle number 2 -The hiring manager may not directly contact a person whom he/she considers suitable. Why? Well, if you contact the person, this is called internal headhunting. The rumor will spread that so-and-so got their

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position without even needing to apply. This will quickly be considered prestigious. External headhunters have been extremely successful in maintaining a high profile. It has become prestigious to be headhunted. Someone has seen you and assessed your qualifications. You go along with it like a "sacrificial lamb." But was it the right thing to do? The culture of the internal labor market advances employees who realize that they are responsible for their own professional development. The risk if a hiring manager violates principle number two is that people who tend to be vain will refrain from applying for jobs and wait to be headhunted. Once they've settled in at their new position, when something goes really wrong they can always say "yes, but manager so-and-so was the one who wanted me-I never asked for this job." On the other hand, anyone can contact suitable candidates and say "did you see that there's a posting for a job that would suit you?" That's one of the advantages of this being an open process.

Principle number 3 - Never recruit for the same position. Every time a vacancy arises there is a unique opportunity to modify the position. Now it's important not to be in a hurry, not to have a completed solution; instead, the important thing is devote some energy to thinking along new lines. Imagine if the organization underwent a change every time there was an interna l search. I call that organizational development! Much more professional and pragmatic than the major organizational changes we read about in the papers. Those are only a sign that the senior leadership was unable to engage in continual development. Here and now is when productive development takes place. The process results in a clear assignment that can then be advertised via an internal job posting.

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"Yes, but I can't have a vacancy in the positions that report directly to me," you might say. My dear daughter, you are wrong here. A vacancy is more devastating further down in the organization. At a higher level the employees can get along on their own for a few weeks, or you can ask someone to do the job in the meantime. The most important thing is that enough time is allowed. Perhaps you have seven direct reports. Two vacancies arise during the year. The decisions you then make are the most important decisions of the year. Principle number 4 - Interview as many people as possible. Managers who do not understand that the recruitment of a direct report is the most important decision of the year only want one thing: for the recruitment to happen quickly and not to take time. They would prefer to have three candidates, with as much relevant experience as possible for the existing position. Ideally these candidates should have had a similar job with the same challenges, and they should be able to show that they successfully met those challenges. What drives this type of manager is obviously defense mechanisms-the most important thing is not to make a mistake. Let's go back to the third principle. It leads to a vision of what the position should be, but it does not set the requirements for possible candidates in stone. There are presumably multiple people with different backgrounds who would be able to meet the challenge posed by the position. The determining factor will be the candidate's personality and attitude. If you as a hiring manager interview a larger number of candidates, you will develop your own process. By repeatedly explaining the challenges and being forced to listen to candidates' description of how they usually approach

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things, you will arrive at more and more insight about the person you are actually searching for.

Principle number 5 - We only go outside the company once we know that we don't have an internal candidate with a good chance of fulfilling the demands. This is the attitude you must have. This is how you show consideration for your own employees. It's no use to anyone to start a position without reasonable prospects for fulfilling the demands. "But if I go outside the company, how do I go about it?" View it as a chance to search far and wide. The important thing now is to get hold of a person who can not only do the job, but who can do so much more for the company. Who is simply capable of development. Now it's a matter of investing. "But what is the actual process?" There are many ways, such as recruitment agencies, various social media channels and advertisements in newspapers and other media. You have a good job to offer, make sure the entire world knows about it. "But what ifl get too many responses?" Too many responses! Be happy that so many people want to work for you. Then find your process. Write replies: "no thank you's" to the less suitable candidates and then initial brief meetings with the others, more in-depth meetings, etc. Principle number 6 - Treat the applicants as you would want to be treated yourself. This principle guides you in being professional throughout the process: responding on a timely basis, how you receive people etc. Are you laughing? "Oh boy," you say, "I've sent in so many applications and never received any reply." Yes, that's terrible, what an attitude. These companies are probably not thinking about how they degrade their brand by doing this. Brands are not built through fine words, but through just this, attitude

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and thus behavior. You can imagine what things are like at these companies. One of my friends devotes just as much effort to communicating with the people who did not get the job as she does with those were finally selected. As a result, she has sometimes received emails from rejected candidates who thank her and say that they've never received such a nicely worded rejection. The person who didn't get the job retains their energy and will surely speak well of your company.

Principle number 7 - We hire on the basis of personality and attitude. Principle number seven begins with the selection process. The knowledge must be there as a foundation to build on. Experience helps the hiring manager to get started quickly and assess the situations that arise. But persona lity and attitude are critical to the outcome. "Experience" is the variable that is easiest to modify. The state of the position determines the importance of experience. A position that is already fairly well managed can be done by a person with less experience. You must honestly consider whether your job is in a state of crisis or not-presumably not! In that case, it's important to dare to hire on the basis of personality and to dare to have a longer take-off distance. In the end, it is the person's personality and perhaps even more their attitude that determine whether they will succeed. Principle number 8-The entire compensation package must be explained and accepted before the job offer is made. This is extremely important. Who shakes hands on a car purchase and only discusses the price, delivery terms etc. afterward? Of course the salary, pension plans, bonus plans etc. must be in place before a job is offered. One of the advantages of an internal open labor market is that there

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is less negotiation. It will be easier for you to point to the company's compensation policy. You know that the candidate wants the job. If the candidate comes via a recruitment agency, the situation is more on her terms. The candidate has been approached, and she may enter the process primarily to satisfy her curiosity and see what the salary is. She has not yet decided about the job. She feels she is being approached by a suitor, and begins to negotiate for this and that.

Principle number9-The wise elder principle. Your manager must be informed that a recruitment is under way. It is then up to the manager to decide whether he/she wants to be involved in the process or not. This is where the "wise elder" principle comes in. This principle is to your benefit. The idea is that the wise elder will have a more long-term perspective that keeps the entire company in mind. The hiring manager mainly wants to solve their own problem. As the hiring manager, you must justify why you want to hire a particular person to the "wise elder." This is a useful exercise in itself, and it is more productive than having the wise elder also meet the candidate, where there is a risk that he/she would take over the process. Principle number IO-Commitment. Principle number ro is not a proper principle, more of a statement that "The process produces more suitable and above all more committed/ loyal employees" It takes courage to apply for a position. The selection process is a challenge. Gradually the applicant gains more and more insight about the demands of the position. When he/she then receives a job offer through a competitive process, the usual attitude is "yes, I'll show that that they made the right decision." The person begins to act on the basis of the well-defined assignment.

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Certain the process can be worrisome. It feels safer if someone tells me what to do next, or if there's a candidate lined up when a vacancy arises. Safer, but there is no growth or change. "The king is dead, long live the king." The people are assured that things are unchanged, i.e. business as usual. But security does not lead to growth. The internal, global, open labor market is a dynamic process, the ultimate purpose of which is organizational development. Starting a new position is the most educational thing there is. Being forced to conduct a process of self-examination to arrive at what type of work you actually want to do is extremely educational. People don't just go out and apply for advertised jobs; they think quite a lot about it before job hunting. Therefore being continually exposed to multiple advertisements expands one's horizons and stimulates the imagination. A female employee told me that she used to print out multiple job ads and then imagine herself at those places. She gradually understood what she would like to pursue. One day she applied for a very unexpected job - and she got it! Finally, the important thing is to develop a flow of people who want to contribute more and more. It is possible to have an effect on this flow at both ends. Managers must coach the best people to want to leave. Hiring managers must take on the most suitable candidates. The wise elder principle must prepare the ground for also taking on people who are capable of development. "But I do work at a company with an internal labor market, and I don't see any options right now." Don't blame the process, the company is not growing right now due to the poor economy. The needs of the organization are what is important, not your frustration that there is a lull right now.

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Recruiting And Selecting Candidates

The interview is at the heart of the "global, open internal labor market" process. You have surely already hired several people and have found out how hard it is to judge an applicant's knowledge, experience, personality and attitude. Of course it's hard! We can't even judge ourselves or our closest friends properly. You can't say "this person is right for the job." What you must concentrate on instead is judging whether the candidates are NOT right for the job. That's must easier. You have to use the cut-off principle. Focus on eliminating applicants. When, after numerous interviews, you find a person you can't eliminate, then you can hire them. And then you need to go all in! Give them a clear assignment and use your experience initially to support them. Don't ask "how are you feeling," ask "what are you doing?" You can help the new hire to set priorities based on the answer, since setting priorities is the most difficult thing when a person is new and inexperienced. Interviewing is problem-solving. You have a job you want done. The applicant wants to invest in a job that provides experience and that they will enjoy. You'll have to meet somewhere in the middle. You can show your cards and go back and forth. As the hiring manager, you are the one who sets the tone. In addition to describing the job, your task is to understand how the applicant takes on a job and achieves results

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and growth. That's where the answer is. It's just a matter of asking questions and using your imagination. You should also use your imagination to understand the consequences that will result if the person you are interviewing gets the job. You will only find the questions by listening and using your intuition. The thing is to get at the personality, or more accurately the behavior, the way the person works: restless, thoughtful, a driver ... You should also try to understand the person's attitude toward things such as demands, responsibility, promises, coworkers etc. What attitudes drive this person? My experience is that if things go wrong with a person it always depends on the wrong attitudes, such as arrogance, unwillingness to learn and unwillingness to share. Try to have a conversation to build mutual trust. It doesn't do you or the other person any good if the wrong decision is made. No, no forms or standard questions. An interview is an arena where two adults should meet to investigate the possibilities. A good interview is extremely rewarding, and as said above, it helps you as well: you'll gain additional understanding of the demands posed by the position and which person would be best suited for it. Then it's up to your ability to imagine the applicant in your workplace. In business, people are what makes things happen, not capital or technology. The latter are invaluable resources, but they need people to get them started. My dear daughter. I have gone into an unusual amount of detail, but I consider the recruitment and selection process to be the most important process in business. If you get the right person in the right position repeatedly over time, you will also have a more dynamic company with great capabilities, and your company will be more equal as well. We women have greater opportunities when this process is properly in place.

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The Vision Of The Equal Enterprise

I have a vision of a company where there is equality, and I don't mean that the percentage of female board members is over 40% . I mean something completely different. My vision is of a company that behaves decently in all of its relationships: for example it's not decent to engage in bribery, slander, dumping, backstabbing, ostracism, making people feel invisible, etc. A company that grows organically while at the same time delivering results that benefit customers, suppliers, shareholders, employees and the community. At the equal company everyone has equal worth. Not the same responsibility and the same salary, but just this: equal worth. This attitude produces an open company where employees feel it is worthwhile to give everything they've got. The company is transparent in all matters and it evolves in natural symbiosis with changes in the rest of the world. The company's actions, both internal and externa l, are based on sound values shared by everyone. They share these values, not because they learned them by rote but because these values are humane. All actions, consideration and cooperation are characterized by decency-but above all there is genuine loyalty and the freedom to speak one's mind! Everyone counts, and together they create top-notch results and growth! But what about internal competition? Of course there is internal competition. There is also a process to dismiss employees. People whose dominant attitude is self-interest

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and who don't deliver results cannot remain. A distinctive trait of this company is that all of its employees are adults who are responsible for their own actions, and this has nothing to do with biological age! Managers assume the responsibility to use the power of their position by leading operations. They know that they are dependent on their employees, and the employees know that they are dependent on one another and on their manager who bears overall responsibility. The structure is clearly laid out, and follow-up is performed as a matter of course. Another distinctive trait of the equal company is the prevailing attitude that all employees have equal worth. Also important is the insight that everyone is there for the customer's sake in the flow that ensures customer satisfaction, the public interest and the interests of shareholders. My dear daughter, will you perhaps push a company in the right direction? You are already wisely working towards this. You understand that all change happens in small steps, and that you will succeed if you concentrate on showing the way through your own attitude rather than by big words and gestures. And once you've succeeded, allow me, your old mother, to stop by for a cup of coffee -just for the chance to take in the atmosphere.

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Executive Summary

My dear daughter. Since I know you're a busy woman, please let me summarize my advice here in an executive summary. And one last piece of advice: don't read just the executive summaries if you really want to understand an issue rather than merely having a superficial familiarity with it. Read everything, or nothing at all. There's an inherent danger in believing that you've understood something.

The life ahead of you belongs to you and no one else. And you are accountable to yourself alone. Other people will always have opinions on how you choose to live your life. You should keep an open mind and listen to all of the advice you're given, but you are the one who then makes your decisions. Let your fundamental values guide you. The more you liberate yourself, the braver you will become. Courage is living life without lying, courage is analyzing a situation and then moving ahead with a deeper understanding. Maximum courage lies in acknowledging one's dependence on other people. Your strategy must be to assume leadership. Your life is up to you. You must set the agenda in humble partnership with the people around you. Strive to reach a position that allows you to be a visionary who can have an impact, develop the business and create results that benefit all stakeholders. Naturally I want you to take charge of your life in a way that allows you to contribute

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through your career. And I believe that your way of doing this could be by having an impact and helping a company thrive. This would make you a good role model and you would provide a healthy environment for many people. The journey there is not an easy one. It is made in competition with other people who are also accomplished. You succeed if you assume leadership, stake out the course ahead as a visionary and then stick to your strategies. You succeed if you get others to want to follow you-whether they are currently above, next to, or below you in the hierarchy. Take the leap, there is no glass ceiling. Strive for quality and eliminate everything that is unnecessary in order to gain more time for what is actually important. You are the one who sets the agenda. There are no "must-do's." You have good judgment and can therefore do exactly what you want to do. When did someone else stand in your way? Yes, my daughter. You must work hard with an intense focus for many years. But I am convinced that if you are then able to contribute in your way, you will gain a sense of satisfaction that is very close to happiness. You will be given the strength to do so much more.

Live with an open mind and have an enriching cultural life. Know your fundamental values and live them. If you do this, you will stand firmly and thus dare to open up to everything that is unknown and unfamiliar. You will be able to take things in and then evaluate, scrutinize and then adopt or reject them. Experience cultural enrichment by experiencing everything people have wanted to give, whether it be literature, music or art. See what moves you. Allow yourself to be moved for the sake of contemplation; life isn't about material things, it's about feelings . Your ability to feel joy, love, tenderness and passion, i.e. your power of insight,

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is nurtured by culture. Culture that really moves you, not culture that is a "must-do" - because remember, my dear daughter, you don't have to do anything.

Affirm your femininity and care for your loved ones. I hope that you will have the chance to live a close, enriching family life, that you will feel the freedom there to grow and feel safe just being. That you will have the chance to feel beautiful and loved. That you will have the chance to give out of your own generosity and that someone will do the same for you. That you will have the chance to care for your loved ones. I also hope that you'll be able to see a child grow up, or several children. That you will be able to see them as they grow and give them your love. I also hope that you will get to have a comfortable, beautiful home, but don't hesitate in the least to pay for the help you need. Linen table napkins are lovely, but you're not the one who's going to press them. Your role is to find the right concept and organize your home life.

When nothing else is available-laugh, and you'll gain perspective. My dear daughter. You are fully capable of doing what you feel is right. The problem for you is not inadequacy, but rather finding and knowing your vision. Once you know what you want, you have everything you need to do what is required. To find out what you want to do, you must dare to follow your intuition. You must dare to fail. Many times you will feel deeply unhappy. Life is a bumpy road. Life goes up and down, but it always goes up again! Dare to have heart-to-heart conversations with the friends you know have integrity. Confide in them, test out your thoughts and listen to what they have to say.

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Executive Summary

Don't have any expectations. Realize that the only person you can really have expectations of is yourself. Try to understand the organization where you currently work, but don't waste energy by becoming frustrated. Your well-being and professional development are completely up to you. Once you completely understand this, you'll gain the strength! Enjoy life, laugh and have faith . My mother used to say "so long as you're nice to other people, they'll be nice to you." Sure this was naive, but it was also right. Find the calm, find your feelings and caress them. See your feelings as puppies. What a sense of peace there is when they are all lying asleep in their bed, what energy they have when they all want to understand what is happening and what power there is when they are all moving in the same direction. I call that living. And as a successful professional woman. Your task is to create value, which you do by creating results, lasting results. If your organization-i.e. the structure, i.e. how you do things-continually evolves, all of you at the company will have what you need in place. But people are what bring everything to life. People who make everything happen. Imagine if you had the right person, in the right place, at the right time throughout your entire company. What a dynamic place! And by the right person I don't just mean skills, but also personality, attitude and values. Internal mobility is like the body's circulatory system: life-giving. Imagine if all of your employees understood that they must perform their assignments and then, in vigorous competition, strive to contribute more-somewhere, anywhere at the company. As a woman you also need diversity in your organization, because who wants to be in a single-note environment? Not modern professional men and women.

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Epilogue

How far have we come in terms of equality?

I know that equality has not yet been reached, despite laws and persistent work. We women are still walking a narrower path than the men. We aren't allowed to be too feminine or too bold. One thing is certain: how we waver on the path is judged completely different from men's progress. A lot of attention is paid to what we look like and what we do. We are allowed to be bold if we are well-mannered at the same time. We are allowed to be feminine if we become a member of the gang at the same time. Of course we always have to deliver. This is not as much a given for the men. Older managers can be extremely tolerant of young guys who play macho. They think "I was like that when I was young." Now we women must also develop the courage to demand respect and take risks, the courage to say no or to take on challenges. No more chickening out, but no being a boor or a big ego either. You also need to be patient. Not insist on a promotion. Now is the time for true professionalism. With great individual responsibility all the time, together with the team for the best long-term results. Once we have proven ourselves, we can show our femininity, we can be the delightful, happy, bold people we are deep down.

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Epilogue

I hope that women and men will walk in step in the corporate world. That they will live out good values. Women should be allowed to be women, and men must be allowed to be the men they are. The dynamics between the sexes must be allowed to exist. Even strong women gratefully accept a helping hand when their suitcase needs to be lifted off the baggage conveyor belt. The woman of the future will be able to safely show both strength and weakness. That's not how it is right now: men tend to avoid a strong woman when one appears. They don't really know how to act. Many strong women are alone in the corporate world. They are admired by other women, but the men avoid them or just display their ignorance. Men must also let loose. Not apologize for showing consideration to a woman, but always show respect. And vice versa. Imagine how simple everything would be. If we could all just be the people we are, without glitz or a lot of fuss. Just be men and women, completely focused on the results we all must do our part to create. Give one another strength and enthusiasm. Admire and help one another. And create value together - building sound and successful companies with good values. Lasting results!

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For more information and to buy the book, go to:

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